Chapter Text
“Dante! Dante! Dante!” Heathcliff banged on Dante’s door.
Dante emerged in nightwear. Somehow their clock face looked tired.
“Right. It’s really late. Woops.”
“That's alright Heathcliff. What's going on?”
“I- I need an emergency counseling session.”
“Really? I’m not used to you being willing to talk about how you feel, let alone eager.”
“Can you just help me?”
“Oh! Right, come on in.”
The two sat down across from each other.
“So what's the emergency?” Dante asked.
“Meursault.”
“What about him?”
“Arghhhh. This is so stupid.”
“Your emotions aren't stupid, Heathcliff.”
“Right. You keep saying that. But I just can't- can’t process that.”
“Take your time.”
“Hah. Clockface wants me to take my time?”
“Deflecting?”
“Hmph. Smarty-clock thinks they know everything.”
“You’re in my room with me in the middle of the night for a counseling session. Clearly it's important.”
“Right.” Heathcliff cleared his throat. “You got up to talk to me. I should really be nicer.”
Dante said nothing. They patiently waited for him to continue.
“Y’know how frenchie’s been letting me snooze on him?”
“On the bus seats?”
“Yeah.”
“Yes I have noticed.”
“Well… we've been getting closer because of that…”
“Makes sense.”
“And remember when I fully corroded Binds?”
“When you recovered unusually quickly and we all were trying to figure out why?”
“Yes…”
“So he’s related to why?”
“...yes.”
“Ok so what’s the ‘why’ then?”
Heathcliff mumbled something.
“What?”
Heathcliff mumbled a little louder.
“I still can’t hear you, Heathcliff.”
“WE SLEPT TOGETHER, CLOCK.” Heathcliff yelled angrily.
“Oh? Oh! Oh my! Wow… ok!”
“Yes.”
“So you two? Wow, ok. I’m- I’m processing that news.”
“Yes, I’ve never slept that good in years.” Heathcliff was beet red.
“Well I suppose that… exertion of that nature and… releasing of pent-up urges would indeed… aid in sleep.”
“Exertion?”
“Yes?”
“OI! NO! WE SLEPT IN THE SAME BED.”
“Oh! Ok. That somehow tracks more, despite being more atypical.”
“Yeah.”
“Co-bedding is known to have benefits, I suppose.”
“...yeah.”
“So… you two slept together.”
“We slept at the same time together! Not ‘slept together!’”
“Right. You two co-bedded.”
“Right.”
“And then?”
“Then the night after killing the Ripper, he asked for the same thing.”
“Okay.”
“But uhhh… I wasn’t fully awake and I kind of… threatened him. With my bat.”
Dante slammed the palm of their hand into their face.
“I know! I didn’t realize it was him!”
“...so you chased him off?”
“I guess, yeah.”
“And that was?”
“Last night.”
“And today?”
“Ishy told me that Meursault was down.”
“Ah. So you need help apologizing?”
“No! I already apologized!”
“Then what’s the problem? I’d be surprised if he hadn’t accepted it.”
“He did… sort of. He was more upset about the ‘reciprocating’ than the threat specifically. Like it was aggressively not returning the favor.”
“...okay. That makes sense.”
“He said that the ‘relationship’ felt uneven and that I was ‘leaving him drifting.’”
“Oh, gotcha.”
“So I asked him what relationship?”
“Oh boy.”
“And he said he wanted us to be boyfriends.”
“Oh! How nice!”
“And that there’s the problem.”
“You don’t want to be his boyfriend?”
“No way, I'm not some gay.”
“So you need to find a way to let him down easy? He seems like he'd take it fine. He's-”
“I also don't not want to be his boyfriend.”
“Umm… okay? What?”
“I don't know, I'm confused! That's why I'm here!”
“Let's reframe this, Heathcliff. What do you feel towards him?”
Heathcliff groaned. “I. Don't. Know! That's why I'm here!”
“So you don't know how you feel towards him and thus can't make a decision when you're muddled?”
“Yes, thank you for joining us in the present.”
Dante leveled a stern look at Heathcliff.
“Right, right. Sorry. I'll be less snippy”
“That's better,” Dante paused. “Are you lashing out because you're insecure about not knowing?”
“Of course you idiot! If there's one thing about me, it's that I'm insecure! Why do you think everything is Envy with me?!”
“Ignoring the jab, did you just admit that you're insecure?”
“Yeah. I guess that's obvious.”
“You don't really say it out loud in so many words aside from when you said you dreaded their critical gaze and when you mentioned needing to be a ‘man of quality.’ I don't think you've ever just straight up admitted it.”
“...s'pose I haven't…” Heathcliff cast his eyes downwards.
“Well you're admitting fundamental stuff about yourself, so we're getting somewhere.”
“I suppose…”
“One step at a time, Heathcliff. So you're insecure about not understanding your emotions. And that is causing you to be confused as to how you feel about Meursault.”
“Yes,” Heathcliff said with some clenching of his teeth, making an obvious effort to keep it short and polite. Dante nodded in approval.
“Well I've got news for you, Heathcliff.”
“What?”
“Straight men don't get as confused as you're getting. They may question and be confused, but if you're ripping yourself apart trying to figure out if you feel something for him, you're not one of them.”
“‘re you callin me a-,” Heathcliff cut himself off and shook his head. “That's not… normal?”
“Not for a straight man. It's normal for people who aren't straight, though.”
“Haaah… So I'm struggling with-”
“Let's try another angle.”
“Fine. Shoot.”
“What if you had a male friend that let a girl fall asleep on him all the time and then allowed her to ‘co-bed’ with him when she was having nightmares?”
“Okay. What if?”
“If your friend told you they were getting together romantically, would you be surprised?”
“Not really. Girls and guys don't really get that intimate unless they're- Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“The only thing hanging me up is that he's a guy?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh.”
“If you did all this with a girl and developed similar feelings, would you have been so confused that you'd be in here with me at the late hours having an emergency counseling session?”
“I think I'dve wound up here eventually because my… past… got me fucked up and I'd be confused and guilty and everything. But no. I wouldn't've been this confused. Things were progressing naturally until I fucked it up. And then when presented with the opportunity to be more, like Meursault did for me, I wouldn't've hesitated as much. Maybe a bit, but not have this much of a crisis.”
“If Meursault was a girl, would you have agreed to be his boyfriend?”
“...can I have a minute?”
“Of course,” Dante waited a few minutes in silence, patiently letting the minutes tick by. Then they spoke again. “What do you need to do for you to accept, process, or vent it out?”
“I have such a headache, Dante. All I want to do is sleep -with him, I suppose.”
“So you want to go to his embrace because you're upset?”
“Yes.”
“Well…”
“But hang on.”
“Yeah?”
“What's the difference between this and a close friend? How do I know I'm not just confused on labels?”
“It is natural to want to cuddle with close friends, that's very true.”
“And now we're back where we started,” Heathcliff said, falling back into Dante's couch in frustration.
“Not necessarily, Heathcliff. Two steps forward, one step back is still one step net.”
“I don't have time for one step though, I'll be here till I'm eighty at that rate.”
“What do you feel about kissing him?”
“Wh-”
“Kissing. Him. What. Do. You. Think?”
“I heard you! I-”
“How would you feel if he kissed you?”
Heathcliff's face began to heat up.
“Yeah. Straight men don't blush at the prospect of kissing other men.”
“Shaddup! I'm not blushing, it's just hot in here!”
“It is objectively cold, Heathcliff. I keep my room cold to offset the flames. Y'know, the ones on my ‘clockface?’”
“...shut up.”
“So you get turned on at the prospect of kissing him? That's the whole situation in a nutshell. Neat and tidy conclusion.”
“I- I- I need another moment.”
“C'mon Heathcliff, you said it yourself. Let's get it moving.”
“F-fine.”
“If you kissed him, how would you feel?”
“I-I haven't had my first kiss before. I don't really know…”
“Not even with ■■■■■?”
“No! I- little kid stuff but never anything real.”
“Okay.”
“Don't laugh.”
“I'm not laughing, Heathcliff. This is seriously bothering you and him. How can I laugh when two of my dear friends are upset?”
“I- whatever. So I'm guessing that you'll say that there's my answer then.”
“It is.”
But I- I can't…”
“Can't what?”
“Be… that…”
“Can't you just accept that you feel that way and decide that once you're no longer in emotional freefall post-■■■■■ and pre-Meursault, that you can address it at that time?”
“Suppress it?”
“Not… exactly. More like… you're preoccupied with what this relationship means about you in a broader sense and about how you appear to those around you. Just have the relationship occur. It doesn't have to change who you are or how you appear.”
“But it does.”
“Why? It's nobody else's business.”
“But it's still pushing it off.”
“Okay lets say you continue to have this crisis. Meursault will move on from you because you told him he'd find out soon, right?”
“...right.”
“So Meursault is going to move on and go be with somebody else. You'll have missed out on this opportunity to be with him. How does that make you feel?”
“Anxious.”
“Alright. If we view it as a ‘the ship is leaving the dock and it's now or never’ situation, then do you get on the ship or not?”
“I get on, I s'pose. I gotta at least try.”
“That's right. Now go slip a note under his door of when you want to talk tomorrow so that he knows you're ready. Then go to bed. And tomorrow, explicitly say the word ‘date,’ ‘boyfriend,’ or ‘partner’ in the discussion so its clear to him that even if you're struggling in your words, that you do understand that this is a romance situation.”
“Fuck that's good.”
“Thank you.”
“Manager finally showing why they're manager.”
“Now shoo.”