Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Isagi shouldve killed Imamura when he had the chance. It’s all his fault. That fucking bastard.

They had all been chatting in the cafeteria like normal. Discussing soccer and whatever else was on their minds. Imamura had brought up how he missed girls or whatever because of course he did. One track mind that guy. They had all subsequently started to discuss crushes and past relationships.

As they were chatting, Bachira was trying to feed Isagi as always. Completely ignoring the main discussion the others were having. He hummed blissfully as he got some food past his lips. Isagi was slightly embarrassed by it at first but by now he barely noticed.

“Dude, you’re so gay,” Imamura said. He pointed at Bachira playfully. Isagi shot him a glare and frowned.

“You can’t just call people gay, that’s rude and offensive-“

“Well no he’s right though I am,” Bachira said casually, swaying absentmindedly. He wondered if everyone was almost done so they could go practice.

“What?” Isagi almost choked on his own spit.

“I’m gay, I like guys,” Bachira grinned.

“O-Oh?” Isagi felt his brain shatter into pieces. Tiny ones with ill fitting edges, not even puzzle ones. How was he supposed to process this without a mental jigsaw???

“Ha do you have a crush on Isagi then?”

“No,” Bachira said without hesitation. Like it was the only thing on earth he knew for certain. It was so quick, it looked like a reflex.

Isagi felt his shattered brain pieces be crushed into smaller fucked up brain dust. Like obviously gay people don’t have a crush on every guy but like…did Bachira not even like him a little bit? He was Bachira’s best friend? They are always so close and touchy. He was always feeding him and hugging him and passing to him.

The rest of the day he could not focus. Not just because his brain was dust as previously mentioned, but because he couldn’t stop thinking about what Bachira said. He kept staring at him in between passes even when there was no direct path to him.

Isagi kept wondering what was wrong with him? Was he not cute and awesome and good at soccer? Why didn’t Bachira have a crush on him? Was he not physically attractive? He knew he wasn’t a model or anything but he had nice eyes and Bachira liked eyes the best right? He was in decent shape too, especially for someone who only eats natto with rice and miso soup everyday.

It was starting to ruin his life. His passes had been shit all day. He could barely analyze the field. He plays so bad he almost takes back his earlier statement about soccer. His entire team noticed but only Raichi dared to really say anything about it. God this was miserable.

Before lights out, Chigiri finally confronted him. He took him off to the side of the hall. Kinda because he cared and kinda because Isagi had been annoying but mostly because Kunigami suggested he look into it. Why Kunigami couldn’t ask him himself he didn’t know but whatever.

“Are you okay? You’ve been off all afternoon and it’s making practice harder,” Chigiri frowned. He really hoped this was a quick chat. He was super exhausted already.

“I’m fine it’s just…I don’t know I keep thinking about that conversation at lunch,” isagi fidgeted, his eyes darting around the air like somehow Bachira was going to appear floating on the ceiling judging him.

It took Chigiri a second to even remember what conversation he meant. Truly no one else cared about what anyone had said except for Isagi.

“Why do you care so much about who Bachira does or does not have a crush on? Do you like him?” Chigiri raised an eyebrow. ‘Zest fest over here’ he thought.

“What no, I’m straight,” Isagi said hesitantly like it was some sort of trivia he was unsure of.

How did he not know? He overthought everything, if anything Chigiri had expected him to pull out some sort of word bubble chart thing explaining his sexuality or at least a small jigsaw puzzle.

“So what do you want all gay guys to be attracted to you?”

“Well no but-“

“So just Bachira?” Chigiri mused. his eyebrow raised further.

“Yes?” Isagi said, panicking.

Silence was all that followed only interrupted slightly by the soft buzzing of the artificial lights in the hallway. Chigiri just stared at him. Well that was…enlightening. He shook his head and then left to go to bed. He was so glad he’d figured out he was bisexual at 13. This shit seemed exhausting.

Isagi also tried to go to bed, but instead he spiraled even further. He did not fucking sleep at all that night. He kept thinking ‘not only am I probably gay, the guy I like doesn’t even like me back even though he’s also gay?!’ and also ‘ I’m terrible at being gay I need to stick to soccer’ Isagi also wondered for a split second if that’s why so few professional soccer players were out as gay, maybe this was a common phenomenon. Can one not be both gay and good at soccer?

He probably should have seen the signs of his homosexuality earlier. His main fetish had always been thighs, something all genders have. He always liked the colors blue, purple, and pink which were the stripes of the bisexual flag. And lastly he sometimes felt the urge to make out sloppy style with Bachira in the middle of a match. However, in his defense, that's not an unusual thing in men’s soccer. Like legitimately it’s not unheard of to kiss your teammates platonically after a goal. Adrenaline or whatever.

God kissing Bachira sounded really nice. He probably had soft lips or something. His hands looked nice to hold and his body looked comfortable to hug. He would be so fun to take out on dates. They could play soccer in the park and have a picnic. Then he could meet Bachira’s mom later on. Bachira could meet his parents. He would propose to him after they won the World Cup. They could get married and have a honeymoon. Wait, what was he supposed to be doing again?

Unfortunately none of this would ever happen because clearly Bachira did not like Isagi. Would it be weird if he asked what about him he didn’t like? I mean if it was his hair he could always change it. Would he be willing to alter his appearance for a guy he met like barely a month ago? Well why of course he would because first gay crushes are a hell of a drug.

Maybe if he tried he could seduce Bachira. He could learn how to flirt. It was a skill the same way dribbling or scoring was. If he practiced he could surely get his direct shot.

And so that night Isagi fully decided with his whole chest, he was going to court Bachira Meguru or at least try to.

Chapter Text

Bachira learned he was gay when he was 6 years old.

He had been talking to the kids at his table during math class. He didn’t remember how the conversation started but at some point a kid called him gay. Something about his haircut and how he never hung around guys. He never hung around anyone actually but they didn’t care about that.

Bachira hadn’t known what gay meant but by their tone and laughter, he surmised they meant it as an insult. So, as was his response to any bullying, he punched his classmate square in the jaw. Twice.

The teacher immediately ran over and he was put in time out and given a note to take home. He didn’t even try to argue with her. Violence of any kind meant you were in trouble if an adult saw. Even soccer professionals were given yellow and red cards. Sitting in timeout also gave him time to daydream about soccer which was nice. He'd much rather do that than math.

When he got home later that day, he went into the art studio to greet his mom. She was painting another monster. The underpainting had big splashes of bright saturated colors, creating a heavy contrast with the wispy black ink of the creature. He walked over and tugged on her smock. Bachira handed her a note and then grabbed his soccer ball to fidget with while they talked. He had been itching to play the entire day.

“Meguru, why did you get into another fight?” His mom sighed. The tone of her voice was disapproving but relatively calm. She was not shocked in the slightest. After all she raised the little monster herself she knew about the spats he would frequently get involved in.

“They were being mean…I think? Mom, what does gay mean?” He started to juggle his ball. Bachira missed a few times but he was really starting to get the hang of it these days.

“…” his mom held back a laugh and struggled to compose herself. “Well kiddo it basically means you have feelings for someone of the same gender. As in you want to date them,”

“…Are you gay?” Bachira started to kick his soccer ball gently back and forth.

“Well bisexual but yes. I like both men and women,” Yu Bachira had forgotten she never mentioned it to her son. She had been out since college so it never crossed her mind it was something he didn’t know.

“So am I gay? Like how you’re Korean so I am? Or am I only half then?” Bachira stopped dribbling and scrunched his face in thought. He didn’t know anything about his dad so he could be straight. What did being half gay entail? Did that mean he only likes boys sometimes??? Or did he just like boys and girls the same amount?

“No no sweetie being gay isn’t genetic. It’s something anyone can be,” his mom laughed and patted his head affectionately. Hopefully he didn’t have any super complex questions. Yu Bachira had not prepared to give a gender and sexuality lecture today. Luckily her son had ADHD and was also 6.

“Okay… can we go to the park later?” He had forgotten the gay thing entirely. He now was focused on finding another grassy field to play soccer on. Her son had combined autism adhd meaning his special interest is all that mattered to him.

And that’s where his memory ended. Sometime later he realized he didn’t only watch men’s soccer because he thought it was cool but also because most of the players were attractive guys. He came out to his mom that very same day. She got him a little pride flag to put on his desk.

Bachira wasn’t the best with social cues but he quickly learned that being gay wasn’t inherently bad but some stupid people thought it was. People also tend to make fun of gay people which sucked balls but it was life. It’s not like he hadn’t been bullied before.

Bachira didn’t have any friends so he never really had to come out. His mom and monster knew so that was all his loved ones. He never had any crushes either. So it was unnecessary to go around spouting that he was a boy kisser or at least wanted to be someday. Plus men’s soccer was historically homophobic and soccer meant more to him than romance anyway. Playing soccer had to be infinitely better than gay romance anyway or at least that was his running theory.

Bachira hated lying. So if anyone confronted him directly he’d tell the truth. It’s not like he had any reputation to protect anyway.

This is why when his teammate called him gay and Isagi tried to defend him, he simply corrected them.

It never bugged him before but somehow Isagi thinking he was straight bothered him. It felt off like a rock in his shoe.

He didn’t expect the next question though. However his honesty stayed consistent. When asked if he liked Isagi he said no.

That was the right answer. He didn’t like Isagi romantically…at least according to what he knew. Plus Isagi was most likely straight and being straight and having a gay guy have a crush on you would probably be awkward.

Isagi however did not think this was the right answer or at least his body language reflected that he didn’t. Bachira considered the possibility of his odd behavior during practice to be related to their conversation earlier but he decided Isagi was probably just having one of those days. How could his sexuality possibly be the reason for his strange conduct?

Everything will go back to normal tomorrow. Isagi was just having an off night. That’s what Bachira kept thinking as he brushed his teeth, washed his face and changed for bed.

That night Bachira didn’t dream of Zico. Instead thoughts of a certain blue haired striker were all that floated around his head. Maybe his answer was wrong after all.

Chapter Text

The next morning Isagi woke up confident in his ability to seduce Meguru Bachira. They were already friends and it’s not like he had to make a big deal out of it. He just needed to keep his cool and not overthink it.

He got this!

It was 7 AM, so he snuck over to wake Bachira up. He carefully stepped over the futons which had been long abandoned by the rest of their team. Bachira was always the last to wake up for breakfast so Isagi or Kuon would stay behind to make sure he didn’t sleep through a whole meal. They needed their energy to play soccer after all.

Meguru Bachira was still very much unconscious. He was curled up like a kitten. The tip of his thumb against his soft lips and his nose slightly twitching from snores. He had a severe case of bedhead, strands wildly crossing and pointing at weird angles. His face was peaceful, the artificial light highlighted his features well. Isagi was almost convinced a halo of light shined upon him.

He was overcome with the strong urge to kiss Bachira on the forehead but he restrained himself.

He so did not got this.

“Bachira, it's time for breakfast,” Isagi said. He gently shook him awake. He could do this. He could be a confident Casanova who Bachira would be begging to marry. He was going to be the king of gay seduction and ruler of romance. Number one in both soccer and dating! He was-

“Mmmm morning Isagi <3” Bachira smiled warmly. He stretched out his arms and let out a soft yawn. The imaginary halo of light got significantly brighter.

“No!” Isagi cried in frustration. Fuck he forgot that Bachira was god’s perfect angel. The most adorable and precious boy to ever be born. The creation gifted to mankind to apologize for the very existence of evil.

The scotch tape barely holding Isagi’s brain together broke, leaving him with shattered pieces yet again.

“No?” The sleepy boy tilted his head and raised an eyebrow.

“I mean um there’s no breakfast…I ate it…I ate it all,” Isagi laughed nervously, scratching the back of his neck.

“Hehehe I did notice a suspiciously breakfast shaped lump in your throat. Selfish Isagi I wanted some! Should I just devour you for nutrition instead?” Bachira giggled and poked at him playfully.

“God I wish,”

“…what?“ He tilted his head in even confusion again.

“I mean I wish we still had food um…maybe they restocked. I'll meet you there, okay bye!” Isagi bolted for the door.

As he was sprinting he almost crashed straight into Kuon. Or well…he figured out he was bisexual so does that mean that phrase doesn’t apply anymore? What’s even the alternative? Crashing bisexual into someone? Whatever.

”Isagi, did you manage to wake up Bachira?”

“Y-Yeah he um yeah ha,” Isagi gave a shaky thumbs up and then tried to nonchalantly walk away.

Kuon wondered if Isagi had a fever. He looked like he was about to fall over and die as he awkwardly shuffled away. Hopefully if he did it would be off the field. It would be hard to practice with a dead body there.

Breakfast usually consisted of Isagi holding Bachira up and helping him eat because he was always on the verge of taking a trip back to snoozeville. They should call him the dormouse the way his ass was not staying awake for the hangout. At least there was no teapot for him to fall asleep into.

He’d take his time and eat slowly. He’d make conversation with Bachira and whoever else was at the table. Sometimes they would discuss strategies other times they would choose a random topic. Instead of that, he ate quickly and finished his meal before Bachira even arrived at the table.

He ran back to the empty room where they slept. Isagi grabbed a blue lock issued notebook and started to write down his plan.

Step 1. Learn how to be gay/more info about gay things(he thought this was a good place to start since he only realized he wasn’t heterosexual less than 24 hours ago)

Step 2. Learn more about Bachira’s likes and interests(this would help with step 2 and also he just wanted to learn more about him)

Step 3. Learn and attempt to flirt with him(build up and practice the skill)

Step 4. Go on unofficial dates(he wasn’t sure how he’d do that in the blue lock facility but he could figure it out)

Step 5. Win his heart and ask him to be your boyfriend

Oh yeah it was all coming together. He just needed to keep thinking of it like it was soccer. He’d come up with a strategy, prepare, communicate with teammates, and etc. Speaking of soccer, that list took him almost 30 minutes to come up with. It was time for training in the machine room. Isagi shoved the notebook into his pillow case and ran off to join the rest of Team Z.

As they started working out he kept thinking about the first item on his list. How could he learn more about gay people while in blue lock? He didn’t have his phone so that meant no access to the internet. He didn’t have the time to score enough goals to get it back so his only resources were the other guys in blue lock.

The only issue? He had no idea which ones were gay. Was it rude to ask? Absolutely. So he was stuck contemplating instead. He came to the conclusion he’d probably just had to observe the guys and then make an educated guess.

Chapter Text

After training with machines and individual warm up, he quickly ran back to grab his notebook again. It was finally time to put his deduction skills to work. He needed to figure out which of his teammates was gay. He started writing another list.

Okuhito Iemon
Wataru Kuon
Hyoma Chigiri
Asahi Naruhaya
Gin Gagamaru
Yudai Imamura
Rensuke Kunigami
Jingo Raichi
Gurimu Igarashi

First was Iemon who he quickly decided was probably straight. The guy had stated his type was Hirosue Ryoko and he said he had a thing for girls in kimonos. Plus he just wasn’t really that physically affectionate with any of them. He might not be that popular with the girls but many heterosexual dudes were so that didn’t mean much.

Second was Kuon who was undecided in his mind. He just had no idea. Kuon never really talked about his interest in either gender. He was very nice to all of them and was kind of motherly but that also could mean anything. He wasn’t really physically affectionate with them either.

Third was Chigiri who was very decidedly bisexual. He had mentioned it super casually like a week ago. He was super comfortable in his femininity as a man. Wait, was that stereotyping? He should probably ask. Plus Isagi suspected he had a crush on Kunigami anyway.

Fourth was Naruhaya who was also undecided. Most of Isagi’s confusion came from his very touchy relationship with Gagamaru. It could be platonic but he was constantly hanging around him. Naruhaya was friendly with the whole team but he just teased Gagamaru a lot more than any of them.

Fifth was Gagamaru who Isagi guessed was gay however he was unsure if he knew that. So asking him was definitely a dead end. His evidence was mostly just…vibes? Truly just a feeling in his gut. Something he could not prove on paper.

Sixth was Imamura who was so aggressively straight that Isagi had literally heard him come out as heterosexual multiple times. He liked women more than soccer. This guy was more likely to become the number one straight guy than the number one striker.

Seventh was Kunigami, who was also bisexual. He had mentioned it along with Chigiri awhile ago. Plus he also seemed to like Chigiri back. Were they dating? Isagi noted that he should ask.

Eighth was Raichi who was also undecided. He was leaning towards a “possibly gay.” A guy who wants to play sexy soccer with only other men has to be suspicious in some capacity. However he was entirely sure that if he asked for advice Raichi would not help him even if he was gay.

Ninth was Igaguri who was straight. Isagi decided he didn’t even want to consider him being gay because that felt like a setback for the gay community at large.

He concluded he should probably talk to Chigiri and Kunigami first and then maybe ask them if they knew any other gay people in blue lock. Maybe they had more experience guessing people's sexualities?

Usually when Isagi wanted to analyze other players he’d rewatch tapes of their games but he didn’t really think there was a way to tell if someone was gay based on their performance on the field. Well maybe he could? He truly didn’t know.

He tucked his journal back into his pillowcase and stared blankly at the wall.

Isagi rubbed his temples and sighed. He’d barely even done anything today and yet his body felt heavy with exhaustion. He still had a bunch of training and practice to do before he could even try to pull Kunigami and Chigiri aside to talk and there was no guarantee they would even be helpful. If they had any suggestions of people to talk to, it would lead to even more awkward conversations. This was all still the first step.

“Guess who?” Hands quickly covered Isagi’s eyes.

“B-Bachira???” Isagi hadn’t even noticed him entering the room. Which was frightening because with his special awareness that should be impossible.

“Yup it’s me! Hurry up, team training is gonna start and you’re my partner,” Bachira pouted. He yanked his arm, pulling him onto his feet.

“Oh sorry I lost track of time,” Isagi said.

“Always lost in your own thoughts. Tsk tsk,” Bachira led him through the long halls of the blue lock facility. Eventually they arrived on the field. The last ones to be there.

They did warm up drills as always. Dribbling through cones and practicing their passes. Isagi was distracted as he observed the behaviors of each teammate.

They all played normal or at least what was normal for them. Making the same quips and moves. He confirmed then and there it truly was not possible for him to gain any intel from this.

His conclusions were still the same. Straight, undecided, gay, undecided, gay, straight, gay, undecided, straight.

After practice was lunch and then break. He usually spent that time eating with Bachira and doing the same things as breakfast. Talking, laughing and generally enjoying the wonders of life. Instead he scarfed down his food quickly and quietly asked Chigiri if he had time to talk.

“Sure why not,” Chigiri shrugged and they both found an empty room to talk in.

“So…” Isagi paused. He realized should’ve rehearsed what he was going to say. “You’re…you’re gay,”

“Yes, yes I am?” Chigiri looked baffled and like he was five seconds from walking away.

“Me too…Gay…yeah,” Isagi felt like a toddler trying to form their first sentence. Chigiri couldn’t decide if this was endearing or embarrassing.

“Congrats…Is that all?” Chigiri sighed.

“Wait, you're not surprised?” Isagi snapped out of his anxiety.

Chigiri looked him up and down and then raised an eyebrow.

“Have you seen you? Have you seen Bachira? Have you ever seen Bachira and you in the same space? Even before you basically admitted your crush on him yesterday I knew something was up,” Chigiri smirked and twirled his hair.

Isagi was floored. It never occurred to him that other people knew he was gay before he did. Much less gay that he was gay for Bachira.

“Does he-“

“Well no he doesn’t know. Bachira has the social skills of a five month old kitten born on a farm. I don’t think he would’ve even known I was gay if I didn’t say anything,” Chigiri said. Which was impressive considering most people assumed Chigiri was gay before even speaking to him.

“Okay speaking of that…what’s the best way to or like um how do you?”

“Isagi I’m not going to give you a PowerPoint presentation on gay rights and queer history. Congratulations for discovering your sexuality but honestly I can’t really teach you much. I haven’t had a boyfriend since middle school and that lasted a month,” queer education was lacking in public schools so Chigiri had just googled everything when he was in middle school.

Isagi frowned. Was he really going to have to get access to phone to figure any of this out? Did no one bring a “how to be gay” book or something?

“Do you think Kunigami would be of any help?” Isagi asked.

“Possibly? I don’t really know his dating life or his knowledge of any historical movements,”

“What about our other teammates?” Isagi remembered his list.

“Everyone else besides Bachira is pretty deep in the closet,” Chigiri internally recounted the painful attempts many of them made to ignore their identities.

“Wait how many of them-“

“Probably a majority. Imamaura is the straightest and even then I’ve seen players turn into boy kissers so maybe all of us. Maybe Ego decided to gather the gayest strikers in the world Isagi I don’t know,”

“Does being gay make you better at soccer?”

“Are you dense? Of course it does,” Chigiri looked over to the clock. Break was almost over. “Kunigami is probably your best bet but honestly I think you should just ask Bachira out already,”

“What but he doesn’t like me?” Isagi argued.

“Yeah sure okay,” Chigiri rolled his eyes and smiled as he started to walk back toward the field for team practice.

Well what did that mean? Isagi noted that kunigami was probably available during free time after his extra training. After sorting his thoughts he met back up with his team