Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“You can’t keep ignoring me,” Soundwave said in an attempt to apologize, but he was ignored. “I said I was sorry.”

It wasn’t the most abnormal sight whenever there was a large fighter jet stationed outside Soundwave’s yard, not that his neighbors found the time to ask anymore or wanted to try and ask him anymore. And if he was around to answer or cared to, there was only one explanation: it was simply none of their business or need to know.

Maybe on a good day, he’d have just said it was classified and he wasn’t allowed to mention why there was a random fighter jet on his grass. Government secrets and all, he’d say if bored, or he’d claim that his neighbors didn’t have a high enough level of security to be told what it was about. Soundwave liked to tell people there was always something going on at his house and not to think too hard about it.

Whether it be a sudden quake in the ground, the deafening sound of a cast iron pan being thrown at something, or a multitude of non-intelligible curses that contained the name Starscream, no one needed to know what that was all about, he said. At least that was how Soundwave felt whenever his neighbors would come up to him and ask if he was okay because they heard what’d happened to G.H.O.S.T. and his friend Rumble. 

To which Soundwave could only say that things were getting better. He liked no longer having to worry about his finances since entering the military program he’d been trained for as a fresh militant recruit—straight out of high school before being moved over to join G.H.O.S.T. and their newest program—to train the average Joe into a mecha pilot. 

Their research and belief that all Cybertronians were evil, even the ones who claimed to be good, were easy to believe at the time, and the evidence they presented seemed legitimate, but what convinced him the most to accept the grueling training and new lifestyle was that G.H.O.S.T. had promised to provide housing and care for his ailing mother; they even promised to pay for his veterinary schooling once his mission was completed. 

At the time, the idea had been rather simple, he was to be trained as a mecha pilot, someone who’d take on the task of infiltrating the Cybertronian civil war that's erupted on Earth and help to destroy it from the inside. However, since the Autobots had aligned themselves with humans for the time being, his task was to find an opening by joining the Decepticons and their leader, Megatron.

The task had been rather difficult at first, but Soundwave enjoyed the challenge, and he wasn’t alone either; G.H.O.S.T. had sent him in with Rumble—his superior in training and experience. They both liked, in theory, the idea of messing with something far bigger than them and stronger than them, even more because all they had to do was follow a simple mission—pretend to be a Cybertronian under a fake and procured identity that had been built in and modified for their strengths. The goal? Disrupt their ranks.

Soundwave was instructed to cause fighting or turmoil or find ways to sabotage their intel and leak their plans. Rumble was instructed to aid him by any means necessary; they’d trained enough together to perfect a certain style of synergy that was ideal for combat, single or duo. 

It was rather easy, Soundwave thought when they first went in. Easier than expected when there was a crack in the tough outer shell and assumed unity of the Decepticons. Otherwise known as Starscream. The seeker was loud and boisterous and had no indication of understanding what personal space was, but he wasn’t the worst to deal with compared to the rest of the Decepticons, who tended to be louder, grungier, and far more bloodthirsty. Starscream, at least, had enough tact not to appear that way.

And Soundwave found if he praised the other mech a little or acted in a way that expressed care, it would lead to some kind of trust developing between them. But with it also came its difficulties. The first had started when the seeker realized how easily he could be bribed with a promise of something sweet from earth. A simple lollipop or reveal of something sweet was enough to draw his attention away from whatever wires he’d been attempting to cut or power resources to divert and ask him what he was doing.

Soundwave, when it first happened, had assumed his cover was more than blown, but perhaps due to sheer luck, the treacherous seeker assumed that, like him, he too was being unfairly treated by Megatron and had a similar interest in taking over one day or forcing their old, decrepit leader into an early retirement. 

So, he was left off with a simple warning to hide his tracks better and not to be tempted by sweets too often by Starscream. Thinking that this could’ve been used to his benefit, Soundwave went with the presented theory, correct or not, that Starscream wasn’t necessarily wrong about what he said. His mission did include taking out Megatron (in the end), but it also included taking out all Cybertronians eventually—Starscream too in that long lineup.

However, as they grew closer, Soundwave had started to change his mind about what G.H.O.S.T. had claimed about all Cybertronians being inhumane and distrustful beings, and maybe those thoughts came to mind when Starscream gave him something for his birthday. A bag full of Earth sweets that’d been altered for Cybertronian digestion. It was the first gift he’d ever been given, too.

Before, the most he’d ever been gifted by his superiors was a verbal ‘Happy Birthday’ or a gift card to the canteen; there was nothing like cake or party decorations, but Starscream said it was important where he came from in Vos to celebrate ‘Hatch Days,’ which Soundwave had realized was the Cybertronian equivalent of birthdays. 

Perhaps seeing how touched by the action he was that was what had led to their first real intimate encounter—a simple kiss pressed against the metal of his mecha suit’s fabricated mask by Starscream—propelled by another tempting invitation when the seeker who held a single lollipop in his servo asked if he wanted to interface with him one day. 

Maybe any other day the answer would’ve been another punch to the faceplate or immediate press to the ground, but Soundwave obliged; he took his present of candy and savored it in private when no one was looking underneath his visor. 

For a Cybertronian maybe such a small piece of candy would’ve been gone in an instant, but in his human shaped hands, it was more than enough to savor and eat for the rest of the day. He liked the sweetness of that day but realized later the most they could do was flirt, unfortunately, because he lacked the proper parts to interface or risked being blasted for hiding his true identity.

Starscream wasn’t fazed or concerned when he was told about the lack of certain parts needed for interfacing between mechs when the topic came up once; in fact, he wasn’t very surprised to learn he didn’t have a spike, let alone a valve, and admitted not all Cybertronians had those parts installed usually—they were considered cosmetic and depended on the region of Cybertron; some places were freer than others. Starscream didn’t think it was weird when he saw Soundwave’s expressive embarrassment about not having a anything, let alone a valve to start. 

He would always say it was a shame they couldn’t go any further than this in the future since they were stuck on Earth together—a true new form of pure torture for Soundwave, who was already imagining what it’d have been like to be left shaking and sobbing in the other mech’s neck and chassis. And made the immediate decision to request a valve installation when he returned to headquarters. Soundwave liked being prepared.

Luckily, though an outlandish request, G.H.O.S.T. did comply with his requests after an argument had been made that it was needed for his mecha to blend in better. His ex-superiors would’ve had a heart attack if they knew the real reason he requested it was not to blend in but to mess with the idiot he’d grown fond of over time in the future, not that Soundwave cared much if they found out or were upset. He never had a chance to test out his and Starscream’s compatibility, something had always come up.

For all G.H.O.S.T. knew, they still had a stronghold over the war until he stopped answering call-ins and vanished with their mecha. And that’d happen the moment he found out about the kill switch that’d been implanted in his brain stem—ready to be triggered at any time or opportunity.

The switch had been a surprise when he found out it existed, but the reason behind his knowledge of it in the first place had been rather devastating. Rumble, or MC-01, had been his first friend joining G.H.O.S.T. and the one who did her best to show him the ropes as the first person to successfully learn how to sync with a smaller but developed mecha.

She would show him which canteens had good snacks in the training facilities and how to get away with a few pranks. But then, as they continued their mission—by going undercover as a paired duo—Rumble grew closer and closer to Frenzy, the Cybertronian, whose (mini) mecha had been made to mimic her as a cover after months of observation and sample testing.

Soundwave tried not to think too much about it or lecture her. Not when he himself was already playing with fire by getting close to Starscream but had managed to skirt around any possible suspicion by stating that his plan was to seduce the enemy into spilling more secrets. Starscream was Megatron’s second in command after all. And maybe that’d been enough to make them believe in his loyalty to their cause.

Rumble, however, was not too lucky when it was discovered how close she’d gotten to the enemy and taken to another building to be questioned by their superiors. At first Soundwave didn’t think anything of it. Rumble remained the same after exiting and told him it was nothing initially, but then she started to become distant whenever Frenzy tried to talk to her. It became worse when Skywarp began to face a similar issue, and the three of them argued.

Then one day while fighting against the Autobots, Soundwave deployed Rumble like usual, and she went off to go and do her own thing. Then out of nowhere she decided to contact him, and unlike before, when she would be cracking jokes and making light of their current battle situation. She said G.H.O.S.T. had assigned her a new and separate mission to do in today’s planned battle.

She wasn’t supposed to tell Soundwave, Rumble said, but still she did because it was important. 

“I can’t do it, Soundwave,” Rumble said. She started to choke up over the call, and her voice began to waver. “No matter what they say, I just can’t do it—you have to help me.”

“Do what?” Soundwave asked. He let out a grunt and was forced to take cover from the sky in an attempt to dodge another attack that was coming his way. “What’s going on? How can I—”

“They told me to kill Frenzy or risk being terminated. But I can’t—I can’t do it, Sounders. Not when all she’s done is be nice to me and share her energon rations. They said it’s either her or Skywarp too, both if I can manage it, but I can’t. Not when—”

“Rumble?” Soundwave said, trying to reconnect to her personal communication line, but there was nothing. Only the sound of an explosion and a scream—it also sounded like Frenzy and the sound of his stomach dropping. 

To anyone else it’d have looked like an accident caused by Rumble’s low power levels, but it couldn't have been, not when Soundwave knew the truth and how upset she was on call—something was off. And later, when he got the chance to inspect and mourn Rumble in private, it was then that Soundwave realized G.H.O.S.T. had implanted a kill switch into his friend’s brain stem and activated it.

And he didn’t put it past them to have implanted something similar in him too. Suddenly, all of the recent questions and tests he’d been told to complete or fill out upon returning to G.H.O.S.T. were starting to make more sense. Even more was why he would catch Rumble looking at Frenzy and Skywarp like she was torn about something, long before she was called in for a “talk” about her performance lately. It was a warning—complete your assigned missions or die.

That had been the start of his firm belief that what G.H.O.S.T. was in the wrong and that what they claimed about Cybertornians was incorrect, it was no longer just a feeling he could push or consider. Strengthened when he saw how Frenzy mourned Rumble and said to him in Kaon, where she was from, the taller or larger a rock grave is, the more loved a mech is. And after adding his own rocks, Soundwave swore to find a way to destroy G.H.O.S.T. and get his kill chip destroyed, if not for himself then in Rumble’s honor. 

The topic of his hidden identity was a different story, however, and had more than enough implications hidden underneath it when Starscream learned of the news. Soundwave had been forced to go on the run once the war on Earth had ended, and he was told to help round up the remaining Decepticons, but he refused and went into hiding. 

By the time G.H.O.S.T. realized they’d been led by the nose for the past fifteen years by him, long after the war had ended and he never had the intention of betraying them, the Decepticons, it’d already been too late, and they were destroyed by a combination of outside forces.

At least, that was supposed to be the end of his relationship with G.H.O.S.T. and their dream of humans piloting Cybertronian-like mechs in order to destroy them from the inside—eliminate them as an entire race, Soundwave had assumed. However, it wasn’t until he woke up one morning to his mecha sending him intense warning signals that something was coming and it was coming to kill them—a present from his ex-employer. 

Perhaps they foresaw his eventual betrayal or wanted to make sure there was always a second option around in the case that something went wrong. Whatever the reason, G.H.O.S.T. had managed to deploy a second pilot and their mecha to retrieve him after they were dismantled and jailed for unjust cause. The fight had left him in a brutalized state, his mecha more than destroyed, and so was the strength in his body. At the time he wondered if that was the end; he’d never get to see his mom, Starscream, his friends, or let alone his animals back home.

But then maybe what could only be described as a miracle occurred: Ravage appeared. She came running at him and started to pry away the rubble that covered his still beating but barely breathing body. To his surprise, she wasn’t fazed in the slightest about his human-like appearance and claimed that she’d always known. At first she thought about reporting him to Megatron when she realized his smell wasn’t that of a Cybertronian but felt he wasn’t that bad; he didn’t act very human either; he acted like “Soundwave,” she said before running off to fetch Starscream.

Unfortunately, Soundwave only remembered passing out before he arrived with Ravage and waking up to the seeker’s upset expression. He was quiet and petting Ravage while a fire was lit for the three of them, or just Soundwave. 

“It’s called giving someone the silent treatment, fleshling,” Starscream said. His harsh tone is enough to break Soundwave out of his thoughts and realize he’d been spoken to after weeks of being ignored by the stupid jet. 

“It’s not called ‘the silent treatment’ anymore if you’re still willing to speak to me!” Soundwave shouted. “How many times do I have to tell you that I wasn’t lying when I said I fell for you, and it’s because of that I didn’t want to go any farther until you learned the truth about me?”

“Be glad I still haven’t decided to tell anyone about your little secret then,” he sneered, refusing to transform into his root mode or look at Soundwave, who could only stare back at him with a defeated sigh. 

The seeker’s engines were still roaring at the thought of being tricked by a mere human. While it may have been only a blip in time to him, given how long he’d been alive and kicking, that didn’t change the anger that swam around his processors and spark. 

He was lied to; he’d been strung along, and for what? Every time he tunes out Soundwave’s meager attempts to make things right between them, it only reminds him how he’d felt before learning that the fleshling in front of him, or “Soundwave,” wasn’t real, and how he’d been struggling to understand his feelings for the other. 

Or why he refused to tell anyone this is why Soundwave really went missing after G.H.O.S.T. and Mandroid were defeated. He didn’t understand it either, really, or why he still felt a throb in his spark when looking at “Soundwave,” if that was even the fleshing’s actual name. 

Starscream thought knowing “Soundwave” wasn’t even the fleshlings real name would only make his anger worse, far worse, and then Thundercracker would have to dump cold oil on him to cool off.

Starscream had been rather upset to learn that after a truce had been settled and there were attempts to repair the space bridge with help from Wheeljack and Shockwave, Soundwave had become difficult to find and liked to hang around a random house in the woods before appearing in front of him. Not even Megatron seemed to know where he’d gone or why always he was always found there. Sometimes the old rust bucket just assumed Soundwave wanted to be alone and told Starscream to do the same. 

Even Ravage had no idea what Soundwave was up to or so she liked to act like she didn't, much to Starscream’s annoyance and attitude whenever trying to ask her things or bribe her. It wasn’t until he was in the middle of tinkering with something that the cyber-cat ran in at lightning speed and demanded that he help her save Soundwave from dying.

Surprised to learn that his companion had been injured in a fight, Starscream took off without a moment’s hesitation, following Ravage, and grew concerned when he saw Soundwave. His frame was beyond broken but repairable, yet that wasn’t what caught his optics. It was the sight of a human dressed in a blue helmet and outerwear, wires embedded into their body—it looked like Soundwave—and his suspicions were even further confirmed when Ravage started to tug on the human’s jacket and growl at him to help get him out. Her strength wasn’t nearly enough; she needed Starscream’s help too. 

And for whatever reason, he did. He helped Ravage pull out and free the  human that looked like Soundwave from the same Soundwave looking mecha they’d been entrapped in. After that, he tried to offer a little warmth and support despite how uncomfortable he felt realizing that the “Soundwave” he’d been trying to flirt with and court while on Earth had been a human all along. 

He felt foolish and wondered if that’s why his advances were always brushed off or why he’d been told by Soundwave they could possibly be together once the war was over and things had settled down.

Even when Soundwave woke up and tried to explain things to him and that nothing on his end had been faked, that feeling of betrayal didn’t fade; it didn’t increase either; it just lingered like a bad cough. There were days Starscream was willing to speak or listen to Soundwave, following him around like a devastated guard dog, but there were also days he refused to do those same things and sulked on Soundwave’s lawn to watch the rain fall. For once in his life, he didn’t know what he wanted. 

Before he wanted to lead the Decepticons, before he wanted to get out of his imprisonment by G.H.O.S.T., before he wanted to court Soundwave. But now he didn’t know what he wanted from “Soundwave” other than to figure out his feelings about the other and was still struggling to comprehend why he still felt attached and drawn to the fleshling and his mecha. 

Soundwave said that to him, his mecha was just another extension of himself; they were considered the same thing to him, and he genuinely enjoyed his time as a Decepticon. It was why he changed his mind and chose to betray G.H.O.S.T. long before Megatron left. But he understood if Starscream didn’t want to continue things between them. Starscream, however, didn’t know if he did. He thought Soundwave looked nice underneath the mask he wore most days, pretty even for a fleshling.

“At least let me clean off the grime that’s started to accumulate on you,” Soundwave said. He dropped the bucket full of soap he’d been holding onto the ground before calling over his mecha to help him get up and onto Starscream’s wings. “It’s been raining lately, and you won’t use the barn I had built for you.”

“I’m used to being outside,” Starscream answered. His aerial lights flickered on after that. “I don’t need a barn. The yard is fine.”

“You're lucky we’re in the middle of nowhere.”

“And you’re lucky no one can hear you scream, fleshling.”

Soundwave rolled his eyes in response to Starscream’s threat; it was emptier than a can of soda that's been drunk and left behind to sit out in the sun on accident. “I wish you’d stop calling me that,” he said, feeling frustrated.

“But that’s what you are,” Starscream said. “You’re squishy, delicate, and small. All the annoying characteristics of what I would classify and report as a fleshling if we were on Cybertron.”

“I’m also metal technically,” Soundwave argued back, pointing to his mecha, making it wave and rub a thumb over Starscream’s nose cone like he was petting Ravage. “Merged to it… G.H.O.S.T. wanted to ensure there was perfect synchronization between us.”

“What about your name?” 

“G.H.O.S.T. never bothered to name me anything other than the simple code-alias MC-10 to monitor me by. Soundwave is a name I picked for myself. It’s what I go by and see myself as. Like how you adopted the name ‘Starscream’ instead of using Ulchtar.” 

Ever since Starscream had found out he was actually human, he’d refused to call him anything other than “fleshling” or “human” if he felt like being nice for once or had a question about Earth culture he wanted to ask, but that wasn’t often. At first Soundwave didn't mind, but after months of being referred to as something other than his name, he’d grown sick and tired of Starscream’s temper tantrum and refusal to be amicable. 

“Fine,” Starscream said. He rolled his wheels forward, pressing his nose cone a little deeper into Soundwave’s mecha like a lazy cat. “I’ll let you help clean me like this, but that doesn’t mean I forgive you for lying to me.”

Soundwave laughed but nodded before motioning for his mecha to hand him a drenched and soaped-up rag to clean Starscream’s structural parts and the glass of his cockpit. “As long as you stop giving me the silent treatment.”

“Stop hitting me with frying pans first.”

“Stop looking through the windows when I’m inside changing, then!”

Chapter Text

“How come you never let me see your face?” Starscream said. 

“What do you mean?” Soundwave said, confused. There was a fire going on in front of them, illuminating the space between them as they sat together on the beach, but also their reflections. Starscream was in his root mode for once and frowning. “Isn’t knowing it’s been me all along enough?”

“You don’t even have mirrors in your house for when you change or brush your teeth. It’s strange, I think. Don’t humans like seeing their reflection?”

“Not all of them.”

Starscream propped an elbow up on his knee and stared at Soundwave. “Okay, but you refuse to have mirrors because…?”

“Because I can,” he said. 

“You even sleep with your helmet on, though,” Starscream said, annoyed. He waved a servo in the air, his faceplate scrunched as if he’d eaten a lemon. “In fact, I’ve never seen you take it off. You don’t do it when you’re changing, you don’t do it when you’re getting ready to shower or take a bath… You don’t even sleep without your helmet on. It’s weird how different you are now compared to before.”

“Then go hang out with someone else instead!” Soundwave shouted. “If you think I’m that ‘weird’ or not like how I was before, then you can just go, go back to building your way home to Cybertron, and forget all about me up there, Starscream. It’ll be easier that way for both of us.”

It wasn’t a secret from anyone who’d been hanging around the Autobot base that something had been going on; the constant arguing, explosions, and arguments over whose math was right made it clear to Soundwave what both the Autobots and Decepticons were working towards right now. They were trying to repair what wasn’t supposed to have been repaired at all—the space bridge—and get back to Cybertron.

But it also wasn’t a secret how distant Starscream felt when they tried to hang out at times, or how strange it must have been for him to know the mech he’d been chasing after trying to romance was human underneath and not who he claimed and acted as in front of him. 

Soundwave continued to walk across the sand, but every step felt like quicksand as he fell further into the ground, and the tight feeling in his chest increased as he tried to breathe. His world was falling apart as quickly as it’d come together when he joined the war that’d been raging on Earth between Autobots and Decepticons, slipping among them as a fresh last-minute recruit with Rumble. Immersing himself in the thoughts of how “Soundwave” from Cybertron would’ve acted and behaved, how he imagined his mecha would have—how he would have. 

Lost in his own thoughts, he slammed face down into the sand in front of Starscream, who tried to follow after him. The impact was harsh, scratching his helmet's visor—the gritty sensation of sand and dirt touched his gloved palms and trickled into places he knew wouldn’t be easy to clean. He’d probably be finding sand in his house after tonight, no matter how well he cleaned. Soundwave paws at the sand, watching as it slips through his fingers, its refusal to let him get up or stand again—he feels powerless all over again, like when he lost Rumble.

Starscream could feel the pulse in his spark and the ache that followed with it as he watched Soundwave struggle to stand up before saying, “I don’t know who I am anymore… I can’t remember anymore what I used to look like either, or what my skin used to look like before I let G.H.O.S.T. cut up and alter me like a monster.”

“Monster?” Starscream said. “What monster? I don’t see any monsters.”

“The monster is me,” Soundwave said. He started to grip the sand this time until his fingernails dug through his gloves and into the palms of his hands. “I’m not an MC-10. I’m not Soundwave. I can’t relate to the Terrans or the Maltos. I can’t relate to my own reflection anymore, so I hide from it. I force myself to forget it—! This world, these people… I don’t know where I fit in anymore if not the war, Starscream.”

“I don’t fit in either,” he said, bending down to help pick Soundwave up by the back of his jacket. Starscream then placed him in the palm of his servo to look at him softly. “I used to tell myself everything I did during the war was going to mean something, but then it didn’t. I guess I wanted to believe I was the worst…the most treacherous Cybertronian to ever face in the war, like everyone said I was, and that I’d make them regret it. Now I don’t know what I’d make them do. I…was too driven by my bloodlust to realize how screwed up it all was. Even now I feel a little lost when I look at you. Maybe it’s because I still love you.”

“You love me,” Soundwave said, whispering. “You love me despite everything I’ve done to you? When do I look like this right now? Why…?

”Because you’re still… Soundwave to me,” Starscream said. “You always will be Soundwave to me. Even if you changed your clothes, hair, and speech pattern. You’d be the same… pan-throwing, angry little ball of flesh that does his best to not let the world drag him down, and I admire you for that. You don’t let what’s happened to you stop you from living your life. Wake up in the morning. Get dressed. Feed your animals. Talk to me for some reason and claim it’s because you love me.” 

Soundwave’s shoulders had started to shake when Starscream said he still loved him, but they continued to shake even more when he said he would always see him as ‘Soundwave’ even if he changed. Soundwave could only tilt his head back and bring his hands forward in an attempt to cover his face out of habit—but there was nothing to hide; the visor he wore did enough to disguise the faces he must've been making underneath his helmet. The ugly and raw gasps he made, trying to find the words in him to respond, but he couldn’t. 

Out of nowhere a thumb presses to his visor; it’s positioned where his eyes would’ve been. Starscream, though frowning and hesitant in his own actions, tried to wipe where his tears would’ve fallen from. “Don’t cry,” he murmured. “You’ll just dehydrate yourself, or worse, run out of oxygen. I’m not equipped to handle that if it happens, Soundwave.”

“Sorry,” Soundwave said, hiccuping. He tried to steady his breathing, but the shaking in his shoulders and hands refused to stop. “I’m sor—”

“Don’t,” Starscream said, stern. “Don’t apologize for feeling sorry...not when I know better than anyone how fierce and strategic you can be out in the field and at home. You have nothing to apologize for, my dear. Not in front of me...never in front of me.”

Soundwave tried to nod a little; his breathing had finally started to settle, and he scooted forward until he was able to press his hands against Starscream’s faceplate—his forehead. “I love you,” he said.

“I know,” Starscream answered. He sounded clear. “You may be squishy… and a little strange at times, even when piloting your mecha and outside of it, but I love you all the same. You’re mine, and I won’t let anyone try to stop me from saying or acting that way…” 

He was about to say more but was caught off guard when Soundwave started to remove his helmet. “You—you don’t have to do that,” Starscream added.

“But I want you to see me…” Soundwave said, embarrassed. “…I want to see what you think.”

“You could be wearing a trash bag, and I’d still find you beautiful.”

Soundwave laughed and shook his head but finished removing his helmet in one fell swoop; it now sat in his lap. His face felt warm, and so did his ears, as if they’d been dipped in lava. But Starscream just looked at him. He looked at him and smiled.

“You’re even more beautiful than I imagined,” he said, “more beautiful than the stars themselves. A brilliant work of art.”

“You think I’m beautiful?”

“Yes.”

“Sometimes it’s times like this I wish I was still able to enter my mecha.” Soundwave sighed. ”So I can kiss you.”

“Don’t,” Starscream said, frowning. “It’s still in need of repairs, and you’ll hurt yourself again trying to synchronize with it again.”

“I know, but it just sucks we can’t do much like this.”

“We can still do some stuff,” Starscream said.

Soundwave tilted his head to the side and touched Starscream’s nose. “Like what?”

Starscream said nothing but transformed into his alt mode with him inside of the cockpit. “You said before the war ended on Earth that you’ve always wanted to go look at the stars, right? Touch them?”

“Yeah,” Soundwave said, surprised that Starscream had even bothered to remember that. It was a passing comment; nothing special had happened that day, just a simple wish. “Why?”

“It’s nice out… We can go look.”

The stars were prettier than he ever could’ve imagined as Starscream flew around with him in his cockpit. Soundwave had the palms of his hands pressed to the glass, his gaze never leaving them. “They’re so beautiful.”

“They are, yes…”

“Is Cybertron anywhere near here?”

Starscream became quiet after that. Cybertron. His home. “I don’t know,” he admitted. 

“Are you going to go back with everyone once the space bridge is rebuilt?” Soundwave asked softly. “I know how much you miss your home planet.”

“No, I don’t think I will be going back personally.”

“Why not?” 

“Because I don’t think I can leave without you by my side. You’re my…home, Soundwave. Cybertron is just Cybertron to me now; going back means nothing if I’m leaving you behind in the end. Everyone else wants to go home, though, but I…I just want to help them get there. I also just want to see if it’s enough to lure G.H.O.S.T. out and into the open again after what they tried to do to you recently.”

Soundwave kissed the glass of Starscream’s canopy after that, leaving a single mark of lipstick. Starscream’s engines started to sputter in response, but he said nothing and kept flying around at a slow and gentle speed. If they said anything as the stars continued to welcome them, then the moment would end; maybe it’d end faster than it should’ve. 

Lipstick marks stain his glass and faceplate. Thundercracker looks at him as if she’s all-knowing when he returns to their little base called home on a cliffside; her optics almost start sparkling and her wings start to flutter with the wind, but before she can get a word in, Starscream puts a servo over her faceplate, silencing her squeals of joy. His cheeks are still heated and blue—drunk on the idea of love, he can hear Thundercracker say through her muffled and strained vocalizer. 

So what if he’s in love? He’s happy and thinks maybe that daughter of his has been reading way too many romance books in her free time, so he should confiscate her things again or threaten to.

⊹₊⟡⋆

Confused by a strange-looking object, Soundwave scratched the top of his helmet as he walked closer; it looked like more Cybertronian technology, but it wasn’t anything he recognized. Maybe it belonged to the Autobots, he thought before the ground started to shake and he felt something or someone grab ahold of him, nearly squeezing him to death.

Soundwave struggled to get free from the iron-tight grip. Terrified it was the mecha pilot he’d lost track of after beating them and their mecha into the ground before Ravage and Starscream came to his rescue, fearing for the worst, he started to map out any potential weaknesses he could recall from their last fight or any his own mecha had encountered in previous training or field testing in the war.

But when he looked up, instead of someone from G.H.O.S.T., it was Shockwave who’d found and started to question him. “I finally got you,” he said and started to squeeze his thumb against Soundwave’s chest, the pressure on the cusp of breaking a rib or two. “Now tell me, what are your plans with Starscream? I find it rather illogical of him to be so friendly with a random human or be distracted from his work because of them.”

But Soundwave refused to answer; he shook his head vigorously until there was a loud crack in the air. Shockwave stared at him.

“It seems you refuse to talk… Surely you realize by now I’m not above harming a human if deemed a threat to my colleagues, right?” Shockwave said. “Or if I deem it illogical to leave you in one piece without some force applied?”

His optic stared at the masked human, searching for any sign that he was right about them being the one Starscream had gotten close to almost out of nowhere. Before, he hadn’t bothered to care, given the current state of the alliance he and Starscream had agreed to have with the Autobots, but Starscream had begun to act strange. Stranger than he normally was. He was more than distracted; he was anxious to complete the project and would take long breaks. Sometimes, even upon returning, he’d pull Wheeljack to the side to ask him about something since he had more experience dealing with humans. 

But maybe the real nail in the coffin was when he saw the lipstick smudges on Starscream’s faceplate and canopy—human-sized lipstick smudges. And he wondered why and how a mere human could’ve gotten Starscream smitten enough to allow that to happen. Starscream, who’d feel slighted even if the slightest bit of energon spilled onto his paint or ruined his new polish, wouldn’t hesitate to shoot or degrade someone for it. Yet there he was, absentminded and almost proud to have the marks of someone's affection. He wore it like a badge of honor, of love. Shockwave found the whole ordeal illogical, so he followed Starscream and realized he was hanging around a human in his free time. And now he too was in front of said human for questioning.

The pain was grueling, and the bruises he’d have to deal with later would be even worse, Soundwave thought to himself, but still he refused to speak or respond to Shockwave. In fact, he didn’t know what to say when faced with another one of the Cybertronians he’d grown close to while pretending to be one of them. He liked Shockwave; they were on some level able to be friendly to each other, or at the very least exchange a subtle hello to each other when something needed to be done and asked of the other—like a command from above.

As his vision started to get spotty and his breathing difficult due to the tight grip Shockwave had on him, Soundwave swore he heard someone arrive and say his name. It sounded like Starscream, but he couldn’t tell if it actually was or if he’d been imagining it. He, however, did hope that it was. That’d have been nice, but the cacophony of Shockwave arguing with someone was ineligible when combined with the sharp jabs that accompanied the beating of his heart and the ringing in his ears as he passed out thinking about his mother. Who’d tell her he died? Who’d tell Starscream and Ravage or feed his animals in his place?

⊹₊⟡⋆

Starscream sat down in front of Soundwave and sighed. He was still trying to get used to being able to fit into and interact with human-sized things or looking at himself in the mirror—at his hologram’s face and hands. He’d been away earlier doing something for Wheeljack, as asked of him, before stumbling across Shockwave and Soundwave, but instead of a friendly reunion between old friends, it looked more like an interrogation that’d end with Soundwave being crushed to death.

Perhaps blinded by his anger, Starscream punched Shockwave's optic—shattering it—after making sure Soundwave was up until now breathing and looked relatively okay. Shockwave naturally was shocked at his sudden anger and right hook but put the pieces together the moment he heard Starscream call the human “Soundwave,” though it did take him a few clicks to process this was their old colleague.

Wheeljack was the only reason they stopped arguing over if what Shockwave did was logical, reminding both of them that Soundwave needed medical attention now; he was human, not Cybertronian. Forced to accept the fact that his lover wouldn’t feel comfortable appearing in front of a hospital or being looked at by unfamiliar people, let alone have them see the metallic system that’d been implanted into his entire body, Soundwave needed to be taken elsewhere, somewhere closer.

So, Starscream approached the Maltos with high reluctance, asking if they could help him, forced himself to reveal who was in his servos, and to no one’s surprise, they didn’t believe him at first. It would’ve been hard to, but still he wanted Soundwave to at least be looked at; he had a bad feeling in his spark.

And he was right; Megatron told him Soundwave would need to undergo surgery. Shockwave had broken more than a few ribs and possibly punctured a lung—it was a coin toss if he could survive due to his strange anatomy. Soundwave, due to G.H.O.S.T. 's involvement, had become an amalgamation of both human and Cybertronian biology. 

It was hard to know what would happen if he was put under anesthesia to be operated on or what would happen if they started surgery either. The doctor Dot had called in to help was unsure what to do, and so was Megatron. They didn’t have any trained Cybertronian medics, only Hook and Wheeljack, who had some experience, but it may not have been enough. Someone had to make the choice on if they should go on with the surgery or not, and neither of them knew if Soundwave had any immediate family who could come in and agree with the procedure. 

Starscream still remembered how he had to tell Megatron that Soundwave had a mother, but they hadn’t been in contact in years. Soundwave said he worked for G.H.O.S.T. to pay for her living situation while she recovered in a long-term hospice situation. But even after he quit, he struggled to face her. The best he could do was stand at the entrance of her building with a bouquet of flowers in his hand while Starscream watched from the sky before he was signaled to come pick him up.

Soundwave’s mother would only have a heart attack if she learned her son might die on the operating table, he thought. And right now he and Ravage were the closest thing to family Soundwave had in his life. 

And as he tried to debate what to do with Ravage, Soundwave’s condition plummeted, and he was forced to agree they'd go forward with the operation. Perhaps blessed by the stars, Soundwave made it out; the surgery was successful after hours of waiting, and Starscream was glad because if not, then he was sure Ravage would’ve torn him a whole new coat of paint and energon. 

However, the unfortunate thing was that he couldn’t stay as close as he liked with Soundwave while he recovered in his sleep. The doctor told him this was normal, and he’d wake up in about a week or two. The surgery, though successful, and his healing capabilities faster than the average human, he’d still have a lot of bruising around his chest and would need to be on a strict regime of rest and kept from doing any strenuous physical activities or lifting. Soundwave was given strict orders to be on bed rest. 

Wheeljack approached him after that. “I’m still sorry, Starscream. I should've kept a better optic on Shockwave that day,” he said. 

“You did enough,” Starscream grunted while staring at Soundwave through a window as he slept with tubes hooked up all around him and the monitor to his heart rate continued to beep. “Stopped me from tearing that buffoon into two pieces.”

“Well…you did do a number on him.”

“Could’ve done more.”

Wheeljack sighed. “Listen, I still want to try to apologize to you and Soundwave. Or make Shockwave apologize for what he did by giving you something.”

Starscream turned to look at him. He furrowed his optic brows. “Give me something?”

“Shockwave and I have been working on something in secret. It was semi-inspired by the Terrans and the Maltos, but the idea was always to give everyone a way to blend in or at least feel a little more included in Earth culture. So we made holograms.”

“Holograms?” 

“Exactly!” Wheeljack said, excited. “Think about it. With a hologram, any Cybertronian under the sun can appear human, size included—they can blend in and make new friends or allies. Have fun, really. But I think in yours and Soundwave’s case, it’d be a good way for you two to bond or recuperate in private without such a huge size difference getting in the way.”

“I’m listening,” Starscream said. His optics softened when he saw Soundwave start to stir in his sleep and reach for something to hold, then grow upset when there was nothing at first, until Ravage woke up and rushed to nuzzle his face. “How soon can it be implemented?”

Starscream reached forward to grab Soundwave’s hand; it felt weird to touch it like this. Their hands were about the same size now; before, it would have been his servo reaching for Soundwave’s servo, or his mecha’s at least. But now he could hold and kiss it again like he used to when they started to become a little intimate. 

Soundwave had become stable enough that the intubation tube in his trachea could be removed. He could breathe on his own now, but he was still asleep and a little out of it mentally. The doctor warned him that Soundwave could be a little confused or unsure about his surroundings once he woke up and might say some random nonsense. 

Starscream accepted that was inevitable after being lectured on how to best care for and dress Soundwave’s wounds when he was awake, how to help him shower, when to bring him back to be looked at, and any medications he could take for the pain or in the case of a fever. Warning signs of infection—it was a lot, but he was fine with it. He was thankful that Soundwave had already survived the initial first hurdle of his recovery—waking up by the time he’d had it all written down and handed to him for later when they got home.

“Ravage, where are we?” Soundwave said, groggy. It felt like someone had slammed his head with at least ten different cooking pans. Suddenly, he felt bad for all those times he’d hit Starscream in the faceplate with a few for peeping or making a crass comment about his outfit of the day, or lack thereof sometimes. 

“Recovery room,” she said. Ravage pushed her nose into Soundwave’s cheek, grateful that he seemed okay so far, better than what they were expecting to deal with until he woke up. “You almost died.”

“Wait—where’s Starscream?” Soundwave shouted. He tried to look around, but the sudden pang in his chest forced him to settle back down, and he clutched the metal bars around the bed he was in. “Does he—”

“He brought you here,” Ravage said, calmly. “Also, he’s out getting you something to eat.”

“He is?”

“Yeah, he was sitting there a while ago.”

Soundwave, though groggy and feeling nauseous, tried to look over to where Ravage had been pointing with her paw. There was a chair at his bedside and a pile of books about how to care for someone post-surgery. But how was that possible? Starscream shouldn’t have been able to fit inside a building. And as he looked around to confirm that they were still on Earth or at least in a human-sized area, nothing made sense. Maybe this is a dream, Soundwave thought.

Until he heard a familiar voice call out to him with a plastic bag in his hand. “Good, you’re awake. I’ll tell the doctor then,” Starscream said, preparing to leave.

“Wait—” Soundwave said. “Come back!”

“I won’t be long,” Starscream replied, waving his hand as he left the room, leaving Soundwave and Ravage alone again like before.

“I think I’m dreaming…” Soundwave mumbled as Ravage licked his cheek. “I have to be… Why else did I just see Starscream appear in front of me like that? That has to be it.”

When the doctor swung by to look at Soundwave, it looked like everything was okay; he still remembered his name, the year they were in, and could tell them his current level of pain, but what he couldn’t tell them was if he believed it was Starscream or not in front of him.

“Cybertronians have human forms?” he said, after swallowing a mouthful of tangerine slices Starscream had peeled and fed to him. “How come I didn’t know about it?” Feeling cheated, Soundwave turned his cheek the other way while Starscream shook his head and continued to peel more fruit for him.

“No, this is something Wheeljack and Shockwave have been working on for the past few months in secret. They’d planned to reveal it later, but…they said I could try it out in order to watch over you for a little.”

“So…you’re human?”

“No,” Starscream said. “It’s more that I look human to avoid detection, or in oure, to be able to spend more time with you up close to take care of you. You heard the doctor earlier; you’re not allowed to do much for the time being.” He laughed. It was hard to imagine a Soundwave who had to sit still when the sun was out and the day was nice. 

“Are you sure this isn’t a dream?” Soundwave said, laughing. He leaned backwards into the pillows that’d been arranged for him to cushion into and smiled at Starscream. “It’s a nice one, though.”

“Nonsense,” Starscream replied. He moved forward to kiss Soundwave’s forehead and then lips. “But if it is a dream, then it’s a rather immersive and sweet one, my dear.”

Both men glanced at each other, an all-knowing look on both of their faces as the rain started to fall, hitting the window of the room they’d been staying in. After everything, they were still holding hands and smiling.