Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Riki didn’t remember the trip. He didn’t remember packing his bags, getting in the cab with his mother, or boarding the plane. All he knows is that he’s here now, in the place that’s supposed to be his new home. Yet it all feels too… unreal.

He never had any issues with the Korean language. His mother, being a big SHINee fan and blasting K-pop songs all throughout his childhood, made sure that he wouldn’t find it too difficult to switch from one language to another. They studied together for a few years, after his mother had gotten the “okay” to relocate to Seoul for her job—but of course, like the good mother she is, she didn’t want to force her son to leave his whole childhood behind for her dream of moving to South Korea forever. She waited until he was old enough.

Something about Korea fascinated her—so much that moving there became her personal mission. Riki, regardless of what his mother had told him, believed that she only wanted to get out of Japan so she wouldn’t be forced to live in the same country as her family anymore.

They don’t get along too well. She isn’t liked amongst her other siblings, as she’s the only one who doesn’t plan on marrying.

“Eat your eggs, Riki, they’re getting cold. You know that cold food has more calories than warm food.” His mother turned to do the dishes, already in her work outfit. Riki had given her some of his fancy accessories to match well with the pants and the collar of her shirt, he was always good with styling.

“You know that’s a lie, mom. You’ve been watching too many dietician videos,” Riki replied, rolling his eyes. He moved his fork around, not planning on eating any more. His anxiety for the day ahead was eating him alive like a parasite. “It’s annoying.”

“You might have to start calling me eomma, now that we’re here. Try it.”

“No.”

“Riki~,” she whined. “Come on, it can be fun! How about we talk in Korean for an hour a day, just to practice?”

“I’ve been practicing for years, Mom. I’m basically fluent.”

His mom glared. “Eat your food and go to school, brat.”

Riki munched on his bread and smiled at her, teeth and everything. The chewed food spilled out of his mouth, dropping onto the plate with an ugly, wet sound.

“Ew, you’re like, what, eighteen? Act like it.”

“Love you, eomma!"

•

Riki was grateful for his mother.

Not just because of everything she’s done for him, but because she didn’t force him to change schools—and countries—in the middle of a semester. This was a new semester for everyone, and he wouldn’t be the only new kid here. He wasn’t a helpless little fish in a tank full of piranhas.

The school was big—as big as his old school back in Okayama. It was colorful, and there were students everywhere. Running water fountains, lockers in every color, decorated with stickers. It almost felt like an American school, like the ones in the shows Riki would watch when he didn’t want to binge his—what his mom called—comfort shows. Riki’s eyes wandered to the clock.

8:00 a.m.

Shit. Fuck. He was late. He was supposed to meet up with an upperclassman at 7:50 a.m., so he could get a tour of the premises.

Yet, like always, he was running late.

Park Jongseong, said the piece of paper the principal had given him. He’s fluent in Japanese, English, and French, top of his classes, a good role model and representation of the school. He’s the perfect fit to be your tour guide. 7:50 a.m. sharp in the school cafeteria.

Riki was about to make a fool out of himself in front of a member of the student council committee. On his first day.

Just when he was about to take a left down the hallway toward the library and cafeteria, he—of course—bumped into someone. Because is it really a first day of school if something like this doesn’t happen?

“Ouch! Hey! Watch where you’re going!” a squeaky voice exclaimed, after getting body slammed into the wall by Riki.

“Shit, sorry! I’m sorry, are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine,” the boy groaned. He was a head shorter than Riki, dark brown—almost black—slight curls sitting neatly on his forehead. His uniform was still intact, but it looked like he had been running around the corner too.

“Is this yours?” He picked up the piece of paper the principal had given him.

“Yes.”

“Park Jongseong? Huh, are you looking for Jay-hyung?” the boy asked, tilting his head. He kind of reminded Riki of an angry kitten.“Why are you looking for Jay-hyung?”

Riki was about to defend himself, when he realized… well, he didn’t have to, did he? “Can I just have the paper back?”

“Are you another one of his admirers?” the boy questioned, taking a step closer to Riki. “Are you a stalker? Are you stalking hyung for someone else? Huh?”

“What?” Riki huffed a laugh. “No, dude, he's just being forced to babysit me for the day by the principal.”

“Oh.” The boy’s cheeks went red, the color almost reaching his ears. “Huh, sorry. I don’t know what came over me. It’s just that he gets too many admirers, I’m just trying to… I don’t know, protect him from them. Anyways, babysit you said? Are you that new kid?”

“Yeah. I’m Riki. Nishimura. I just transferred.”

“That’s cool! I’m Yang Jungwon. I’m a friend of Jongseong-hyung. Let me help you find him.” Jungwon gave him the paper back and they started walking together, now a bit slower.

“So, how old are you?”

“I’ll be eighteen in December.”

“Oh, finally!” Jungwon exclaimed, a bit too loud for Riki’s liking.

“You’re staying with us. With our group, I mean. I won’t be the youngest anymore!” He smiled brightly, his eyes curving into little half moons.

“What? What do you mean?”

“Just accept it. Fighting it won’t change your fate. Heeseung-hyung loves adopting new people into our group, especially younger ones. Jay-hyung will see you as a little brother and someone to practice his Japanese with, and Jake-hyung will immediately claim some sort of connection because you’re both foreigners. Sunghoon just accepts whatever Jake-hyung decides on, even if he will see you as some sort of competitor at first… don’t let it scare you, he’s just weird around tall people… Anyways, you’ll be with us. Trust me. My intuition with the hyungs never lies.”

Who are these people…

Yet, Riki would be lying if he said that he didn’t feel warm after that interaction. Jungwon seemed nice enough. Genuine enough. It looked like a bright friendship was about to grow, confirming Riki that fitting in won’t be too difficult.

•

“Wonie, good morning.”

“Jay-hyung, I found your new child.”

Jongseong—well, Jay—was gorgeous. Riki wasn’t into men, but he knew when one could get his hormones all fuzzy and make him question himself. He had a sharp jawline, sharp eyebrows, and even sharper eyes. Everything about him made him seem like one of those idols you’d see covering well-known magazines, wearing nothing but boxer shorts.

His honey skin, marked with enough beauty spots to create a star constellation with, and dark hair—it suddenly made sense that Jungwon had reacted that way. It also made sense that Jungwon blushed again, probably because of the way Jay spoke to him.

“Hi, you must be Riki.” Jay stood up from his seat at the cafeteria and gave Riki his hand. So formal. “Sit. This is Jake, and that’s Sunghoon.”

Jake, a reincarnation of the golden retriever puppy Riki’s friend Taki had, smiled brightly, showing all thirty-two shining teeth. Dimples out. He waved softly, holding his fork up.

Sunghoon—the vampire who shouldn’t be out during daytime—put Jake’s hand down. “You’ll hurt yourself, you dumbass.”

“Hey! I’m being careful.” Jake pouted.

“Remember the football club incident? Famous last words.” Sunghoon turned to Riki and smiled awkwardly, like he didn’t know if he should look Riki in the eyes or not. His hair might’ve been hiding his face a little, but Riki couldn’t deny it. All of these boys were picture-perfect.

“Heeseung-hyung isn’t here yet, so you’ll probably see him during break. How are you finding the school, Riki? Any questions? Interested in a show around or should we skip the tour and just eat?” Jay grabbed the milk that was standing on Sunghoon's tray, earning a little hey! from the boy.

Riki sat down across from Jay, next to Sunghoon, and shrugged. “I don’t mind skipping it. I wouldn’t be able to focus on anything anyway.”

Jay paused, drink still in hand. Slowly, a grin covered his face, clearly satisfied with the answer. “Great. I wasn’t feeling it anyway.”

“What a great role model,” Jake exclaimed, fake excitement dripping from his words. “You’ll never get rid of those lazy accusations that way.”

“He’s lazier than me yet claims to be the most active one.”

It took Riki a second to realize that Jay had switched to Japanese, and when he did, he giggled like a child. This is fun.

“Hey! What did you say? You know I don’t speak Japanese, you traitor! What did you say! Hoonie, what did he say!”

“Hm?” Sunghoon turned to Jake, confused, obviously in his own little bubble. “What? I don’t know, I wasn’t listening.”

•

The day went by pretty fast. None of the teachers really wanted to start with actual lessons on the first day after summer break, so they all just allowed the students some free time after introductions. During English, the teacher went around the class giving out candy.

Riki, being in the second-to-last row, didn’t have much luck. The basket was almost empty by the time it reached him. He sighed. Luck wasn’t on his side today.

Cherry drop.

His least favorite candy. He huffed and looked around the classroom. Some girls at the front were talking about a new K-pop group, another group was trading candy, some guys were sleeping, others were playing on their phones with earphones in. Riki turned around—and then he saw him.

A boy. Blonde. Pale. Almost angelic. He was sitting perfectly upright at his desk, elbows resting on the surface, sketching in his notebook. He didn’t look around. Didn’t acknowledge anything. It was clear that he didn’t want to be perceived.

He wasn’t handsome like Jay or Jake. He was… cute. Beautiful. Tiny in comparison to Riki. He looked like one of those statues you find standing in the middle of a fountain. Like a porcelain doll, something you would put on the highest shelf, to keep it safe.

Riki stood up.

He took slow steps toward the boy, some people quieting down as they realized where he was headed. Was this guy some sort of celebrity? What’s going on? And suddenly, Riki was in front of him. The boy’s sketching had slowed, clearly aware someone was standing nearby.

“Hey.” Riki felt like an idiot. What was he doing?

“Wanna trade?” he asked. “You don’t look like the chocolate type.” That was all Riki wanted. He just wanted that chocolate. Definitely not an excuse to talk to this mysterious person.

The boy stopped sketching completely. The classroom quieted a little more. Then, the boy looked up, locking eyes with Riki. Unphased. Unmoving. No emotion. No intention of giving Riki that damn chocolate. Riki felt a bit uncomfortable under the boy’s gaze. Sure, he was the one standing, yet he almost expected to be told to fuck off.

Riki felt something deep in his soul. Like a flight or fight alarm going off. So, to avoid a scene, he decided to drop it.

“Whatever. Here. Keep mine,” he said, dropping the cherry candy on the boy’s desk—not in a fierce way, but not as softly as he’d intended either. “Cherry is shit anyway.”

•

Sunoo stared at the piece of candy. He imagined himself unwrapping the chocolate, placing the cherry candy on top, and swallowing them both in one go. He imagined the taste—the sweetness of cherry mixing with the bitterness of chocolate, creating heaven on earth. Yet he knew the moment that chocolate entered his system, he wouldn’t be taking the bus home. He would walk the miles instead, trying to undo the damage he had done. Trying to erase the few seconds of satisfaction he had allowed himself.

He turned back to his drawing. His stomach growled in agony.

Chapter Text

“Riki? There are some boys at the door for you,” his mom said, entering the kitchen. She tried to stay calm about it, but the grin on her face was too obvious. “They say they’re your friends…”

“Huh?”Riki swallowed his cereal and raised an eyebrow. “I thought they were joking when they said they wanted to pick me up.”

“Hah! My baby got himself not only one friend, but a whole friend group on his first day!”

“Riki-san! Come out and play!” Jake’s voice was heard from outside, a fist knocking on the windows in the kitchen.

“Dumbass, don’t knock on people’s windows! His mom is still there, show some respect.”

“You’re always so mean to me.” Riki could basically hear Jake pouting at Sunghoon. “You’ll give Riki the idea that I’m the bully friend.”

“But you are.”

“You didn’t tell me about these boys after school yesterday.” His mom crossed her arms in front of her chest. “Why?”

“I didn’t think it was necessary. It’s not like you expected me to stay friendless throughout the year, did you?”

“Of course I didn’t, I just…” She paced around the kitchen, looking for something to do—something to keep her hands and mind busy. “I don’t know, I’m afraid you’re afraid you won’t be able to fit in. Now I see that my fears were unnecessary. Now go, your friends are waiting.”

Riki stood up from the kitchen table and grabbed his hoodie that was hanging off his chair. But before leaving, he surprised his mother with a quick kiss on her cheek. “See you later, eomma.”

His mom stood there, watching him go. Softly touching her cheek, she watched him get scooped up by another boy as if he weren’t two heads taller than him, and they hurried off.

•

“You said you were thinking of joining the book club?” Jay asked when they finally reached the school premises. “Why?”

“I just want to make sure I get enough practice on my language skills.”

“But you’re already basically fluent,” Jay replied in his perfect Japanese. It almost made Riki mad—how easy it was for him to speak another language besides his own. How it didn’t affect his mother tongue.

It made Riki mad how mad he was getting.

He was just glad he wasn’t feeling that annoyance at his hyung. It was just the language skills he was jealous of. “Still, if I weren’t being forced to read, I wouldn’t practice it as much.”

“Hm, makes sense. Anyway, I’ve got to go. I’ll see you during break, kiddo.“
Jay hit Riki’s locker as a goodbye and left him alone.

“Yes, hyung-nim.”

Riki’s eyes scanned his locker. I’ve got to buy some stickers.

He had already organized everything neatly, despite knowing it would get messy soon—thanks to his tendency to throw things in the locker when he didn’t know where to put them. But something suddenly caught his eye.

A little bag. A packaging of something.

He never put that bag of chocolate in his locker.

Is this some kind of joke? Has he become the laughingstock of the school already?

Did Jay leave it there? Jungwon? Jake or Sunghoon? Maybe even Heeseung, though he wasn’t there yesterday—he had texted Jay to let him know he was skipping.

There was no note, no indication of who might have put it there.

And then it hit him.

That boy.

From English class yesterday.

Riki stared at the bag. It was just sitting there, staring back at him, begging to be opened.

Riki didn’t know how to react at first. His hand twitched, moving to grab hold of the bag. Full of the chocolate he loved.

No one knew about the incident, except for his class. So it was either someone he hadn’t spoken to… or that boy. The sketching boy with the pretty eyes.

Riki almost hoped it was him.

What? Why did he think that?

He didn’t even know the boy's name. He must’ve missed it during the introduction.

•

Riki walked toward the table the other boys were sitting at, weaving a beeline through the other students, the chocolate heavy in his pocket.

“Okay, who was it?” he asked the second he reached the boys. “Who’s my secret Santa?”

“Santa? It’s September,” Jungwon replied, confused.

“Who put the chocolate in my locker?” he repeated.

“Chocolate?”

“Yes, chocolate. My favorite kind.” Riki took the chocolate out. It almost burned. “Someone put it in my locker.”

“Dude, we met you yesterday. How are we supposed to know what type of chocolate you like? I haven’t even asked about your favorite color yet,” Jake answered, munching on his rice. “That gives me an idea! Let’s play twenty-one questions.”

“No.” Sunghoon deadpanned. “Not happening.”

“Can you just tell me who it was?” Riki sighed, sitting down next to Jungwon, who was still eyeing the chocolate bar curiously. “I’m not mad. On the contrary, I’m happy about this.”

“Well, it wasn’t us,” Jay replied. “I’m not the kind of person to feed the people I like things like chocolate or sweets. I’d rather give you something that’s good for you.”

“So basically, if I find a piece of broccoli inside my bag tomorrow, I’ll know who the blueprint was.”

“I would never feed you.” Jay smirked at Jake.

“That’s bullshit and you know it. You always buy that disgusting strawberry milk for Jungwon!” Sunghoon pointed his chopsticks at Jay accusingly.

“In another universe in which you’re as cute as Wonie, I’m doing the same to you.”

The blush reaching Jungwons ears was expected.

“Okay, so it wasn’t Jay-hyung or Jake-hyung. Anyone else?” Riki played with the chocolate.

“It wasn’t me,” Jungwon replied.

“Me neither. I haven’t even met you officially yet.”A new voice entered Riki’s ears, and he suddenly realized that he had completely ignored the new person, who had taken the once-empty seat next to Jay. “I’m Heeseung.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Riki suddenly stood up, bowing five times in quick succession. “I’m Riki.”

“I’m still wondering who it was. Who else did you talk to yesterday?” Jungwon asked.

At that moment, Riki noticed a familiar blonde head lurking among the students.

It was him.

The boy.

He was looking around for a place to sit, carrying his tray along with him. His gaze jumped from seat to seat—he looked uncomfortable, but bored. His headphones were almost twice the size of his head, and the black hoodie he wore on top of his uniform completely swallowed him. As he was standing, Riki noticed how much shorter he was than he had imagined.

On his tray lay a cup of the vegetable soup they were having for lunch, a small piece of the brown bread no one was choosing, and a cup of water next to a book.

Riki didn’t realize he was staring until their eyes met.

He hadn’t noticed it yesterday, but the boy’s eyes were just… cold. Slicing into Riki’s soul, almost.

The boy looked at him and surprisingly held eye contact for way too long. Was it long? Riki wasn’t sure how much time had passed. It could have been seconds, minutes… hell, even hours.

Riki almost missed the quick glance the boy shot at the chocolate Riki was unwrapping. Slowly, he turned away and walked toward an empty seat at the other side of the room.

It took some time for Riki to gather his senses, and when he did, he noticed Jay staring at him weirdly. “What was that?” he asked.

“What was what?”

“That little moment you just had there with Sunoo?”

Sunoo. Sunoo, Sunoo, Sunoo. Finally, a name to put on a face.

“What do you mean?”

“Yeah, keep answering a question with a question, that’ll save you,” Jake huffed a laugh. “You just eye-fucked Sunoo.”

“Don’t talk like that about people you don’t know.” Sunghoon rolled his eyes. “God, Jake, it’s like you were raised by cavemen.”

“Well, that’s what he was doing!” Jake shoved Sunghoon out of his sight, wanting to get closer to Riki. “That’s Kim Sunoo.”

Kim Sunoo.

“Okay,” Riki replied dumbly.

“Okay? How do you know him? Why were you having a staring contest with him?” Jungwon’s face had gotten serious.

“He’s in my class, I don’t know him that well.”

“Did you talk to him?”

“I tried to, but he didn’t react.”

“Why? What did you say?”

“I asked him to swap sweets since he had gotten a chocolate, and he completely ignored me. So I just gave up and gave him my candy,” Riki replied, wrapping up the chocolate again.

“You… asked to swap your candy for a piece of chocolate,” Jungwon said, voice monotone. “And yet you’re here asking us about who… put the chocolate in your locker.”

“Well, now that you say it like that…”

Jay reached over and smacked Riki at the back of his head softly. “Don’t talk to Sunoo about food.”

“Huh?” Riki covered the area he was smacked at with his palm. “What? Why?”

“It’s just not something you should do. Everyone knows it’s not a topic you should talk about with him.”

“Ya, don’t smack him like that! That’s my child you’re hitting like that.” Jake exclaimed, trying to lighten up the mood a little bit.

“Listen, it’s nothing personal. I won’t tell you what it is—it’s his story to tell. But there’s a reason why he’s repeating the year. Keep that in mind. Now,” Jay put a piece of vegetable on his plate—broccoli—“eat your food.”

Riki did as he was told, but he would be lying if he said this situation didn’t feed into his curiosity.

And you know what they say about curious people.

Riki doesn’t care about sayings.

•

When Riki opened the door to his English class, he couldn’t help but feel like the gods were playing a trick on him. The classroom was empty, except for one person, seated in the middle.

Kim Sunoo.

There was no pause. No dramatic moment in which he thought about his next move. There was only one sound in that quiet classroom—the steps Riki took toward the seat beside the blonde boy, wearing headphones and sketching, once again.

Riki wondered how his day was. He wanted to ask. But he couldn’t—not yet, at least.

Riki knew there was a seating plan. Well, not an official one, but an agreement that everyone sat in the place they had on day one. But at that point, hell could open up next to him, and it still wouldn’t be enough for him to switch his new seat.

He looked over. It was clear that Sunoo had noticed his presence, even if he didn’t physically acknowledge him.

Riki flipped a coin in his head.

Tails.

He pulled the strawberry milk out of his bag and softly placed it on Sunoo’s desk. The latter stopped sketching. Silence. Complete, utter silence.

Riki turned his head toward the front of the class—just in time for the rest of the students to barge in and ruin the quiet moment.

•

Sunoo couldn’t help but stare at the pink liquid contaminating his desk. It didn’t deserve to be this pretty color. There was nothing pretty about the short moment of satisfaction that you‘d later see clinging around your thighs, your arms or belly. 

160 kcal. 

2 medium apples. 2 small pears. 2 pieces of brown bread. 2,5 fried eggs. 16 tablespoons boiled buckwheat. Without salt. 3 cups of watermelon. 8 medium carrots.

160 kcal for this.

Sunoo used to drink strawberry milk at least three times a week. Now all he saw were drops of regret. All he saw were numbers.

It would take him five thousand steps to delete the sugary liquid off his body. An hour of walking. Maybe thirty minutes, if he took fast steps.

Never drink your calories. Rule number one.

There was nothing to gain from the drink. It almost felt unfair, how small the bottle was. Small. Tiny. People were scared of dropping this little bottle, grabbing onto it like their life depended on it when they were passing by on the hallway. 

This was just another example of how small, tiny things mean the world to people. It was a clear slap in the face. A clear reminder.

You will never be this precious to someone, Sunoo. You’re not as small. You aren’t thin enough. You can caress your collarbones all you want, but you know why you refuse to look at your thighs in the mirror. Your ribs might show, but that wasn’t hard to achieve. 

Sunoo almost scoffed at how stupid his thoughts had gotten. Jealous—of a little bottle of strawberry milk.

But yet, it was true. 

He will never be precious to anyone. No one thinks that he’s fragile. He’s not sick enough, not sick enough to be concerned about. 

He wasn’t even halfway there, no matter what the scale was indicating.

He stared at the milk. 

As soon as the bell rang through his ears, waking him up from his daydream, Sunoo grabbed his bag like his life depended on it and burst out the classroom, leaving a confused new boy behind. 

All he cared about was the milk. 

Chapter Text

A week had passed and Riki had made no more moves to bother that Kim Sunoo guy. He even returned to his own seat at the back of the class, feeling apologetic for making the other boy uncomfortable. He didn’t know what exactly had made him uncomfortable, that small gesture worked wonders for Jungwon. 

Wanted something? You had to get him a snack. You made him angry? Snack. There was nothing a small snack couldn’t fix, that’s what Taki had also told him once.

Normally, getting someone a small treat made the other happy. Content and satisfied—but that wasn’t the case for Sunoo. He was different.

Riki noticed his reaction—he had seen the way he had dropped his pencil, the way he just kept…staring at the milk like it was filled with puke. Like it would kill him. 

Don’t talk to Sunoo about food. It’s just not something you should do. Everyone knows it’s not a topic you should talk about with him.

Riki was as confused as ever, but he decided to drop it. If that Sunoo guy didn’t want to be bothered, he wouldn’t bother him. Riki didn’t mind watching him from afar.

•

„They’re finally opening our gym today. Our first PE lesson of the semester! It’s about time to get these muscles back in the bizz.“ Jake flexed his arms, looking specifically at Sunghoon for any type of reaction. He, however, was looking down at his notebook. 

„I just can’t believe they already want to test us in maths. I’m good at maths, but it’s the first week after summer break. Mentally, I’m still in Hawaii, tanning in front of the lifeguard, hoping he’s imagining tearing off my swimsuit.“ 

„…what?“ Jay stopped moving. He was sitting across from the boys with Heeseung hanging off his shoulder. He had spent the whole weekend gaming his soul away in some PC cafe, since Jay had taken away his laptop as a form of forced self-care. Hyung, you’ve started confusing reality and gaming. It’s about time someone stops you, Jay had said.

„I’m getting tested in maths.“ Sunghoon deadpanned. „They want to make sure everyone is on the same level.“ 

„But you’re too busy getting undressed by a lifeguard.“ 

„…I wish I was.“ He whispered, earning a scoff from Jake. 

The conversation flowed naturally and Riki almost couldn’t believe that he got this lucky in finding friends in a new, foreign country. The boys were just so nice to him.

Jake was a confirmed golden retriever person. He was always smiling, always joking around, and accepted Riki into their group in two seconds and it felt like they’ve known each other since they were children. He was soft, always touching Riki, and anyone, really, in any type of way—head on his shoulder, arms around his neck, forehead pressed on his back when they were getting their lunch. He didn’t mind how uncomfortable he looked, being the shortest one of the two, he just wanted to touch and be touched.

Sunghoon had also finally warmed up to Riki. His shoulders weren’t as tense anymore when he was forced to sit next to the newest addition of the group and he stopped ignoring Riki’s gaze, when they were talking and when they passed by each other out on the hallway. That was weird—even for him. They had completely ignored each other during the first week of school, not to mention when they were the first ones to arrive at their usual table during lunch. Now, he’s even started conversations with Riki and when they were quiet, it wasn’t as uncomfortable anymore.

Heeseung and Jay were completely heads over heels for Riki. They gave him food, brushed his hair when it got too messy from laying down, and Jay had even started buying two strawberry milk bottles—one for Jungwon and one for him. They were like his parents outside of his own home.

Jungwon was Riki’s shadow, when he wasn’t too busy following Jay around like a little puppy. Riki often acted like it annoyed him, to always be seated next to Jungwon, to be treated like a baby just like Jungwon, but to be honest—it felt right. Even being babied by Jungwon himself didn’t annoy him as much anymore. He loved being taken care of. 

He was getting enough attention, but something…something was still missing. 

Riki scanned the room. 

He decided to not give any meaning to the speed that his eyes had naturally found the blonde boy, sitting alone at the back of the room. A tray almost empty, a hand holding a book. 

He looked at peace, way different than when he’s in class. Tense shoulders, eyes focused. 

„Niki-san~ You good, bro?“ Jake had asked, throwing a tiny piece of carrot his way. „Stop staring, you’ll get caught.“ 

„I’m not staring.“ Riki defended himself quickly. „Niki? When did that happen?“ 

„Sounds cute, right? A cute nickname for a cute little baby like you~“

Riki looked at Jake. „I could end you by only using my pinky ring.“ 

„Pinky ring till I get a wedding ring, oh.“ He rapped some English nonsense. Jake had that habit of rapping or singing songs he knew when he heard a word that reminded him of a lyric.

„No, but really. Don’t stare at Sunoo-hyung for too long, it will creep him out.“ Jungwon said, trying to cover Riki’s view with his palm.

„Sunoo-hyung? Are you two close?“ 

„Well, no…not really. Not anymore, I guess. He’s not the same person he was before Jaehee came to this school.“

„Who is that?“ Riki was starting to feel irritated that he was the only one who didn’t know about the whole lore of this school. 

„Oh, he’s long gone now. Did his damage and had gotten himself expelled.“

„What damage?“ 

„Oh, you know. The usual. Bullying, harassment…no one even dared to help Sunoo when he was being forced to-”

„Okay, enough, Wonie. Don’t talk about that while we are eating.“ Jay quickly stopped Jungwon. „Niki, you’ll find out soon enough, trust me. Just not now. Not during lunch and not with Sunoo being in the same room. I’m sorry for keeping you on your tippy toes like that, but I don’t want to disrespect Sunoo like that. He has gone through too much, it’s about time he got some peace.“

And then it was quiet. No one spoke, no one looked up. There was a weird tension around and Riki hated it. He hated it.

„Well—anyways! What if I start eating protein? Protein bars, I mean. That would really get this bulk-up process going, don’t you think?“

„Jake, if you say bulk up one more time I might have to bulk myself out of the window.“ Heeseung replied, earning some laughs from the others. 

But Riki wasn’t laughing. 

His gaze moved over to Sunoo again. 

•

Sunoo was angry. He was furious.

He didn’t want to make a scene by skipping PE, but Mr. Kim had said, since he had forgotten his gym t-shirt, he would have to get a shirt from the lost and found basket.

A tank top.

A white tank top. His worst color. 

White clothes make you look fatter than you already are.

There was no way in hell Sunoo would be seen wearing a tank top. A tight tank top, of course. 

With these fat arms? This round belly? He thought he would have at least one more week left to lose some more weight before the PE lessons started. At least one more week of fasting and eating once a day, but now his preplanned week was ruined.

He shouldn’t have eaten those apple slices for lunch. Apples made him look bloated. 

Sunoo stared at the tank top. The rest of his classmates had already left the locker room. It was just him and the top. 

His breathing fastened. There was no way out. He had to expose his body to his classmates. They will soon know that he has gained body fat. That he’s disgusting.

He sunk down, his back pressed onto one of the lockers. Sunoo had approximately 2 minutes before Mr. Kim would barge in to see if anyone was there, locking the door.

Shit. Shit, shit, shit, this can’t happen.

He pressed his palms on his closed eyelids, trying to gain some kind of composure before going through the worst two hours of his life. You can’t hide your body this time. Everyone will know.

„Hey…“ 

A voice, a tap on his shoulder.

„Don’t touch me.“ Sunoo flinched, looking up, ready to confront the intruder.

It was the boy.

The tall boy. The cherry drop.

For fucks sake. He touched Sunoo. He probably felt Sunoo's fat beneath his fingers. The fingers that were now paused in the air, before Riki put his hands down. „Sorry. I just-- Here.“

Riki was holding up some kind of black fabric. 

„What…“ Sunoo rubbed his eyes. „What is that?“ 

„Just take it. I promise it’s clean.“ Riki’s lips had formed a line. 

Sunoo hesitated at first, but something about Riki’s eyes seemed sort of…genuine. He reached over and grabbed the clothing. 

It was soft. Thin, yes, but a soft, long sleeved shirt, perfect for working out. 

Sunoo eyed the shirt. It was perfect, it would hang off Sunoo's body the way he wanted it to and no one would be able to look through it. Sunoo's torso would be covered.

„Why?“ Sunoo couldn’t help but ask. 

Riki stood up, grabbing the tank top from where Sunoo had left it on the floor. He turned around, making his way towards the mirror and Sunoo had just noticed that he was shirtless. There was a shirtless boy in front of him.

Riki eyed the tank top for a second, making sure that it wasn’t dirty, while Sunoo stared at his naked torso. 

He was really thin. But it was natural.

Sunoo hated these people. The ones who could be thin and beautiful without the urge to starve themselves. Yes, Riki was thin, but he wasn’t just skin and bones, like Sunoo. His ribs didn’t stand out, his muscles were defined. 

This has got to be BMI 16 or something. Definitely less than 20% body fat. 

This is so unfair. 

Sunoo scoffed silently, as Riki pulled the top over his head. 

„I heard you talk with Kim about your shirt.“ Riki replied, trying to sound casual, but Sunoo could hear his hesitation. He didn’t want to sound like he was eavesdropping. 

„…you didn’t have to give me yours.“

Riki turned to face Sunoo. „I know.“ 

There was a moment of silence. Sunoo was pretty sure that his heart was beating so fast against his chest, that even Riki could hear it from across the locker room. They were staring at each other, unmoving. 

„Then why did you?“ 

Riki exhaled, making it sound like a laugh. He turned to his left and opened the door. „Thanks for the chocolate.“ 

And Sunoo was left alone again.  

•

Riki’s heart was beating fast. Too fast for his comfort. The little moment with Sunoo had left him out of breath, ears red and warm. What the fuck. He didn’t know what came over him, but he thanked every God above that he was able to get through that interaction without stuttering. 

He jogged over to Jake and Sunghoon, whose class would join his own for PE. 

„New attire?“ Jake smiled, knowingly. „Didn’t peg you for the type.“

„What type?“

„Oh, the I want them to wear my shirt, so that everyone will know they’re mine, type. Are you always this possessive when you have a crush?“ 

„What are you talking about, shut up.“ Riki hissed through his teeth. „Someone could hear you, hyung.“

Jake giggled like a child, pulling Sunghoon towards him by the shoulders. „It’s fine, I don’t judge. You do you, I do him.“ 

„What the fuck- get away from me, you weirdo, that isn’t even how the saying goes!“ Sunghoon pushed Jake off of him, who was clinging on like his life depended on it. 

Riki rolled his eyes. His face had finally gotten to a normal body temperature, when he heard the door of the gym opening slowly. 

The rest of the students were being loud. Riki was pretty sure Jake was bickering with Sunghoon right next to him, shoes were making that ugly squeaking sound due to all the running around, girls were getting excited to see the boys working out. But for Riki, the world stopped for a moment, when he saw Sunoo enter. 

His shirt was huge on him, yes. It was almost like he was carrying around a black blanket. What really made Riki spiral, was the way Sunoo was covering his hands, creating little sweater paws. He was staring at the fabric, almost surprised by how soft it was. Riki knew, as he had bought it for that exact reason. 

Yet, the second their eyes met, Riki’s smile disappeared, remembering the state he found the boy in, when he had returned to the locker room. 

Shivering, curling up into himself, almost crying. 

As if he wanted to disappear.

Chapter Text

Sunoo stared.

That’s all he knew how to do in the most precise manner. His eyes never ignored, they never fooled themselves—he was sure of that. Just as sure as he was with the way he looked. It was simple:

He was fat.

He was fat, and he was only getting fatter.

He trusted that the mirror was showing his true form. His belly stood out; his arms looked big. He could feel his cheeks jiggle when he walked. He always took up way too much space on the bus. Other students probably didn’t sit next to him in the cafeteria because they knew their friends wouldn’t be able to fit on the bench.

It didn’t matter that he could wrap his wrist around his upper arm or thigh. It didn’t matter that his bones were showing, that he could feel his collarbones. It didn’t matter that the stupid BMI calculator was showing a red number of 16, or that his calorie tracker forced him to answer the question of whether he had ever been diagnosed with an eating disorder every week before asking him to increase his intake.

He was fat, and he was only getting fatter.

His eyes could only scan the mirror he had avoided the whole week. That was his ritual. Avoid Monday to Saturday, check weight and image every Sunday.

What really got under his skin was the fact that he kept maintaining. Sunoo starved himself to the point of fainting, but he couldn’t lose. It wasn’t even just disappointment he was feeling, witnessing the scale’s needle go up to the horrifying number of 52—it was disgust.

Just two more… just two more, please.

Just two more and I’ll stop. I promise I’ll stop. I promise, I promise, I promise.

Sunoo sighed, feeling a type of numbness in his heart. He turned to his bed, took the shirt he had discarded a few minutes before, and put it on.

Then he remembered.

He glanced toward his chair, where an unfamiliar black clothing item had made its new home.

What a weird guy…

Why can’t he just let me be?

•

Riki wasn’t sure why he was so obsessed with the mysterious boy, despite his friends already assuming different possible explanations. Jay thought they probably knew each other from someplace else. Jungwon either agreed or was implying they were probably soulmates. Jake and Sunghoon thought it was probably pure interest. But there was one assumption that everyone agreed on.

“Riki, face it. You’re obviously crushing,” Heeseung said, not looking up from his science homework.

“What? No, I’m not, hyung!”

“Heeseung-hyung is right, Niki-san. God, you should’ve seen your face yesterday. I know you stayed up all night imagining dressing Sunoo in your clothes. Making him get on a runway and everything.”

That was not true.

Or rather, half untrue.

So what if Riki had spent some time rummaging through old clothes the day before and simultaneously imagining the outfits on the other boy? It’s not like he decided to raid his closet for that exact reason.

Or was it?

“I think it’s cute,” Sunghoon stated. “Stop making fun of him.”

That warmed Riki’s heart. Sunghoon was the only one who didn’t baby Riki, which was something he was grateful for. “Thanks, hyung.”

“He doesn’t have the time to be bothered by you guys; he has to take care of his Sunoo shrine after school.”

And that did it for Riki. “Okay, guys, you’re actually starting to get on my nerves. I’m not crushing, I'm just intrigued—and you’re the reason why! You made it seem like he’s some type of legend around this school. As if he’s a cryptid! Not my fault that I’m falling for your weird little gatekeeping thing you built around this guy.”

Heeseung huffed.

Jay cleared his throat. “Jokes aside, I’m glad you helped him. I’m pretty sure he was fighting some inner demons before you arrived like a knight in shining armor.”

“Yeah, well. I don’t know. I don’t think he wants to interact with me.”

“To be fair, I don’t think so either. He’s just… I don’t know, distant. And he has a good reason why. Just give him space. Think of it as a cat warming up to you,” Jungwon said. “A stray black cat that has gone through hell and back and is scared of people and other animals.”

“I can’t wait for the romantic tension to finally come to an end.”

Riki kicked Jake under the table.

“I hope you’ll eventually help him get out of his shell, Riki.” Jungwon smiled softly. “Sunoo-hyung is a really sweet person. I miss that.”

“Were you friends?” Riki asked, and Jungwon shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

“He was my favorite hyung. We were in the same dance club after school. He helped me with my form quite often—it’s because of him that I can dance this well now.” Jungwon smiled brightly. The nostalgic tone in his voice made Riki sulk.

“He dances?” he asked.

“Well, used to,” Jungwon shrugged. “Haven’t seen him in the studio in a year.”

“Hm,” Riki wondered what type of dancer Sunoo was. What type of dances did he like doing? What moves did he find difficult? A whole new persona opened in front of him. A whole new perspective to explore. “Where’s that dance club? Is there any way I can apply?”

“You dance, kiddo?” Jay asked.

“Yeah, used to, back in Japan. It would be good for me to pick up the hobby again.”

“That’s great! We can go together next time and I’ll show you where it is. Then you can talk to Minghao-hyung. He’s the manager and main dance teacher of Desired studio.”

“Desired?” Riki laughed.

“It’s cool. We do a lot of competitive stuff, like dance–”

And then Jungwon stopped. His eyes darted behind Riki, obviously signaling an intruder. Jake also stopped munching on his rice, eyes comically wide, in contrast to Sunghoon, who was just awkwardly staring. Heeseung, who was sitting next to Riki, turned around, and Jay had also gotten weirdly quiet.

“What?” Riki asked. “What’s hap–”

“Uhm.” A voice. A voice he had barely heard, but had carved itself inside his ears. “I’m sorry for bothering, but…”

Riki turned around.

Kim Sunoo.

Kim Sunoo was standing behind him. He was looking at the floor, but it was clear that it was Riki he was speaking to. “…can we talk?”

The world stopped. For Riki, at least. There was no way Sunoo wanted to speak to him. There was no way he was actually going to have a private conversation with Sunoo. Despite his disbelief, Riki nodded. “Yeah… yeah, okay.”

Then he gathered his things, shot one last glance at his friends, who were in the same mental state as him. Confusion washed over their faces, and all they could do was wave.

“We’ll see you later, Niki,” Jay said.

•

The hallway was empty, which wasn’t surprising, since the cafeteria was full of sweaty teenagers. It was quiet. Riki was sure that Sunoo could hear his heartbeat, and a wave of déjà vu hit Riki like a brick.

They stood across from each other in an empty space between lockers, in front of a classroom. Riki forced himself to remain calm, to keep his posture to a simple ‘I’m just talking to a simple guy. No biggie’, pretending like he wasn’t paying any attention to the way Sunoo’s hair sat just right, was the perfect color for his pale skin, and looked so soft he almost reached out to pet it. Riki was pretending like he wasn’t focused on the way Sunoo’s cheeks were baby pink, like the T-shirt the boy was wearing, which was a tad too big for him, almost swallowing him whole.

Sunoo dropped his bag on the floor, forcing the little chains and charms that were hanging off it to make a tingly sound, and opened it.

Riki could only notice how thin his wrist looked.

How his bracelet was moving around, finding it difficult to stay in one place.

“Here.” Sunoo said once he had taken the black shirt out of his bag. He stood up. He reminded Riki of a doll. “Don’t worry, I washed it.”

“Huh.” Riki accepted his shirt back and, true to his word, it smelled like flowers. “You didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to. It’s the least I could do.”

“What? What do you mean?”

“Well,” Sunoo shrugged one shoulder, “you were forced to wear that tank top because of me.”

“That’s fine,” Riki replied.

Silence again.

Riki was just now noticing how much taller he was than the boy standing in front of him. A whole head taller, but they were both keeping a distance between them that didn’t force Sunoo to look up.

“That tank top was kind of ugly though.”

Sunoo scoffed. He tried to hide it by coughing a little bit. “Yeah, a little.”

Silence again.

“Listen,” Sunoo started, “about the milk…”

“No, no.” Riki tried to stop him. “You don’t have to explain yourself. Really.”

“I just… I’m really sorry.” Please don’t think I’m weird.

“You don’t have anything to apologize for, really. It was stupid to think that everyone had the same taste when it comes to flavored milk.” Riki tried to joke, but it seemed like the message didn’t get through.

“I just… you probably wanted to give me something, because I gave you the chocolate first, right? Like a snack in exchange for a snack?”

Riki nodded.

“I don’t… I just don’t like strawberry milk.”

Riki wondered, “Would you have accepted chocolate?”

“I don’t do well with snacks.” Sunoo stated firmly. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize for putting a boundary,” Riki shrugged. “It’s cool. Message received.”

Sunoo smiled, and despite the smile being clearly forced, it felt good. To be smiled at by Kim Sunoo—it felt like a reward.

“Thank you for telling me,” Riki said. “I was just… wondering if you didn’t like me.”

Sunoo looked at him. And like really looked at him.

“I don’t know you.”

“You could.” Riki said, not missing a single beat. “You could get to know me. If you want.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.” He admitted. “We could be friends.”

Sunoo’s eye contact made Riki feel like he was under some type of investigation. “I don’t think you want that.”

“Why?”

“I’m a difficult person to be friends with. I don’t think you would want that,” Sunoo said quietly. “I think it’s best if you don’t.”

“But I want to.” Riki replied, then stumbled. “I don’t like… looking at you.”

Sunoo stilled.

“No, no, wait—I’m sorry, that came out wrong.” Riki panicked. “I’m sorry. I meant, I don’t like seeing you sit alone. I don’t like wondering what it would be like if I sat next to you. I want to be your friend.”

Sunoo eyed him up and down. “Is this some kind of joke?”

“No. I mean it.” Riki shifted his weight, his voice a little softer. “I want to befriend you, but I’ll stop if you don’t want me to. I’ll leave you alone. But… from what I’ve seen, I think you’ve been alone for too long.”

Sunoo’s eyes were still full of doubt. His gaze drifted off to his shoes, as he tapped the tiles on the floor as a distraction.

“I’ll stop if you don’t want me to.”

“No.” Sunoo hesitated. “It’s… it’s fine.”

Riki smiled. The uncertainty was clear in Sunoo’s voice, but at least he got his permission. Riki gave Sunoo a big smile, despite the fact that he was not looking at the boy. “Okay.”

“But no more strawberry milk.”

Riki smiled, holding back a laugh. “No more strawberry milk.”

“No more snacks overall.”

“No more snacks overall.”

Silence again.

“Thank you.” Sunoo looked up at him again. “For the shirt. Really.”

“Thank you for the chocolate.”

“That was barely something.” Sunoo turned to his bag, lifting it off the floor.

“It made my day.” Riki smiled. “Keep the shirt.”

A pause.

“What?”

“Keep the shirt, please.” Riki offered the black item back. “You look cold.”

“I’m not.”

“Your goosebumps say otherwise.” Riki left no more room for discussion. “Please. You look cold.”

And he did.

The boy was paler than before they talked, as his blush had faded away while talking. Riki refused to mention anything about his clothing or the fact that he was sure that Sunoo was only this cold because he was just skin and bones.

It wasn’t as cold for him as it was for Sunoo.

“…okay.” Sunoo accepted easily after seeing the commitment on the younger’s face. “Okay, thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.” Riki slung his bag over his shoulder just in time for the bell to ring. “I’ll see you.”

“Yes,” Sunoo said quietly, watching Riki almost trip leaving the corner they were standing on.

He eyed the clothing item.

Something about this interaction warmed him up in a way no shirt or hoodie ever could.

Chapter Text

Sunoo had memorized the calories in everything his mother bought. The soups, the vegetables, and fruit. He had memorized every single piece of chocolate bar they had at home—back when he used to eat them. Now, his restrictions had changed so much that he kept eating the same thing every day. He hadn’t eaten anything other than the things he prepared in months. And that’s the way he liked it.

It gave him a sense of control. He had never been able to control anything in his life, despite being told otherwise.

You always do whatever you want, Sunoo.

That was a lie. He always did what he was supposed to. At school, with friends, at home. He was never once in control.

Now, it’s different. Now, he weighed his food. He refused food he once loved. He chewed and spit. He drank water to control his hunger.

He had finally found something he could control. And that was his intake.

It started small. Skipping a meal, telling his mom he had eaten at school or at work. Lies took over his life, helping him achieve small victories. His weight slowly reached the ultimate goal.

“I can’t eat cheese anymore, mom. I think I’m lactose intolerant.”

“You’ve never had any issues with milk, Sun. You have never been intolerant.”

“I think my body got used to almond milk, so now I am.”

It was easy. It was so easy to persuade the people around him into believing easy lies, it almost made him laugh. They were either stupid or they trusted him enough to take care of his health. He never knew. He didn’t care.

Sunoo adjusted to his new lifestyle. His stomach had shrunk, he thought. It was easy. You skip a meal three times and you feel the euphoric sensation of hunger afterward. The pain he felt at night before falling asleep wasn’t pain in his eyes. It was a reward. The loose clothes were a medal.

It was perfect. It was his world. His choice. His control allowed him to win this war. Against who? He didn’t know the answer.

•

Riki was nervous. He hadn’t danced in a long time; his knee hadn’t allowed him to. But this was a new era in his life. He was ready to take control over his hobbies again.

The dance studio was big. There was not one wall that wasn’t covered in mirrors with LED lights around it, displaying different dark colors. Since it was pretty late when they started, the lights were brighter than the moonlight that entered the room. It wasn’t too hot inside, the fans making sure that the dancers were kept at a good body temperature at all times. That didn’t mean Riki wasn’t sweating.

Si no es contigo played as they danced together. Minghao had shown them his choreo that had gotten viral on different social media platforms. His footwork was fast and clean, but Riki kept up. He managed to save the choreography in his brain by the time they practiced it together for a second time.

The other boys were also really good. One, Shotaro, had the best outfit he had ever seen. The other, a boy he had gotten a bit too touchy with, was wearing a Sungchan chain, claiming that he had lost a bet. Two other ones, Riwoo and Jaehyun, had the most obvious devil and angel duo energy—the complete opposite of Beomgyu and Yeonjun, who were equally as loud and energetic.

Jungwon managed as well. He not only managed—in fact, he made it look so easy. It was weird to see him in his element and not in his cute, preppy clothes at work, blushing every time Jay opened his mouth to say something. He looked cool. He looked so boyish, it made Riki himself blush.

His fluffy hair had gotten so messy, Riki snapped a picture and sent it over to Jay, to which he had replied some stupid nonsense, talking about such a cute little kitty.

“Okay, we’re finished,” Minghao stated after a few hours. “Go sleep, brats.”

Riki groaned and fell over, starfish-formed on the floor next to Jungwon, who was just sitting. “God. This dude is insane.”

“Who, Minghao hyung?” Jungwon asked. “Yeah, he can be a lot. But he only wants the best for us, he wants us to keep up and improve our stamina.”

“Yeah, I know.” Riki looked over to Jungwon. “You’re really good, hyung.”

That made Jungwon bring out the brightest one of his smiles. His eyes had almost disappeared completely, which would have been cute if he didn’t push Riki. Jungwon never knew how to accept a compliment. “You’re not that bad yourself. I thought you were lying when you said that you used to dance.”

“I wanted to get into it again. It’s been so long.”

“Now we can come here together. I’ll finally have someone to dance with again.”

Again.

Sunoo used to dance.

“I’ll go to the bathroom real quick and we can leave afterwards, okay?”

Riki hummed as Jungwon left him lying there.

He really wanted to know what kind of dancer Sunoo is. Or rather, was. Riki was sure he did modern dance; he had the small frame for it. But what would it look like if he had been a hip-hop dancer? A ballet dancer, maybe?

He just wanted to see what it would look like if they danced next to each other, or with each other… or Sunoo dancing for him, to show Riki the choreo, to ask him to demonstrate a move. Riki started imagining Sunoo improving Riki’s form instead, touching his arm, his elbows. Moving his shoulders, reaching up to turn his head to the right, placing his slim fingers around Riki’s neck. Soft fingertips touching his cheek, his jaw, the area behind his ear. The other hand started going down and down and down…

As soon as imaginary Sunoo’s hand had reached his belly, Riki shook his head.

Sinful. How sinful.

Riki’s interest in the mysterious boy was really taking over his mind.

He stood up; the studio was finally quiet. Riki eyed the wall with all the pictures of the dance crew. There were a lot of pictures of Minghao with popular idols and popular choreographers that Riki followed on social media platforms as well. They looked friendly. It was clear that he was in the presence of a really important person in the idol industry.

Pictures of Jungwon were also there, smiling happily as he was holding a trophy.

And surely enough, Sunoo appeared in some pictures as well.

It was weird seeing him smile so brightly.

He almost looked like a reincarnation of the sun himself. His eyes curled, his smile so wide it took over half of his face. He was showing a peace sign, hugging Jungwon tightly around his shoulders. He looked like a real hyung next to the shorter boy. His hair had some pink strands hidden, his baggy clothes once again hiding his whole body, but in a way that made it seem like he wanted them to. Not out of need, but out of style. One hand was holding Jungwon close like a young brother, while simultaneously holding a black cap.

He looked happy. He looked satisfied with himself.

It pained Riki to think that this Sunoo had probably died long before he arrived.

“So, thinking of joining?” a voice said behind him. “I bet your knee won’t be too happy about that.”

“Oh,” Riki turned around quickly. “Minghao-shi.”

“I told you, hyung is fine.” Minghao smiled. “I know a healed knee injury when I see one.”

“Yeah,” Riki laughed awkwardly. “It took me a while to walk normally again. It’s better now, I just have a limp when—”

“—when you dance, I know.” Minghao was now standing right next to him, looking at the pictures himself. “I had the same issue once. It eventually got better. The secret is to not allow it to take over your life.”

Riki smiled. He hated talking about the accident.

“I really do hope you join us.” Minghao smiled. “It would do you good. It would do us good too, considering the talent you have.”

“Ah, hyung. You guys are already so powerful, having such a great dance leader like you.”

“Oh, stop trying to flatter me, that won’t work.” Minghao snapped back, without any real bite. “Come by next week. Consider joining us, okay?”

“Yes, hyung-nim.” Riki smiled mischievously as Minghao pushed him lightly. He then turned and walked off.

Riki turned his head to Sunoo’s picture again. Quickly before anyone could see, he took his phone out and snapped a picture.

Sunoo. Sunoo, Sunoo, Sunoo. What are you doing to me?

•

Jungwon had taken the bus home as Riki decided to walk. He remembered his mom mentioning a milk bread she wanted to try baking, so he decided to stop by the nearest gas station to get some.

Yes, if you get any grocery items at the gas station, they’re more expensive, but frankly he didn’t care. He just wanted the milk bread.

The bell rang when he opened the door. The store was small, three aisles and refrigerators filling the other two sides. The counter was right across from the entrance, in front of a cabinet with, what Riki assumed, was holding all of the medication and painkillers the store had to offer.

The lights were dim. Slow music was playing in the background. A low hum was coming from the refrigerator Riki was standing in front of.

He took the bottle of milk his mom hopefully meant when she said she wants the low sugar almond milk and made his way toward the counter.

Then he saw him.

Kim Sunoo himself.

Standing behind the counter, doing his homework to pass the time.

God, Riki felt like such a stalker. Not even twenty minutes ago he was ogling a picture of the guy he was now bothering at his workplace. He almost rolled his eyes at that.

He walked despite his thoughts yelling at him to just leave. He really didn’t want to be called a stalker.

When he reached the counter, Riki put the milk down. He reached over to see what Sunoo was busy doing, as he hadn’t noticed the younger yet. Math.

“The answer is five,” Riki said.

That startled Sunoo into another dimension. Riki would’ve laughed if the fear in Sunoo’s eyes wasn’t that intense. He had almost fallen off the chair he was sitting on quietly.

“Don’t do that.” Sunoo snapped. “You scared me.”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Riki held his hands up. “It’s just… I also struggle a lot with math, thought you might have needed some guidance.”

But Sunoo was far from laughing. He looked pale—paler than the day before, when he was returning the shirt. The shirt he was now wearing again under his work vest.

Sunoo sighed, relaxing a little after realizing he wasn’t in any danger in particular.

Then, it was quiet again.

Sunoo scanned the milk and the same way Riki scanned the fingers he had previously imagined around his neck. God, stop thinking about his hands, Riki.

“1,300 won.” Sunoo said coldly, still looking at the screen he tapped the product in.

“Oh, yes. Here.” Riki gave him his money. “Keep the change.”

Sunoo finally looked at him. “You gave me 10,000 won.”

“Yeah.”

“You want me to keep the change?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m not going to keep the change.”

“Why not?”

“It’s too much. You only bought a carton of milk.” Sunoo raised an eyebrow.

“Can I get a bag too?” Riki asked.

“Our bags don’t cost anything.” Sunoo replied, as he took a little paper bag from down the counter.

“Oh, well.” Riki shrugged. “Buy yourself something, I don’t know.”

Sunoo scoffed. It almost—just almost—sounded like a laugh. “Or you could buy yourself something. It’s your money.”

“Now it’s yours.” Riki took the bag, “Don’t fight with me, I can be quite stubborn.”

“You don’t say.”

“Anyway,” Riki scratched his neck. “You work here? Even on school days?”

“Yes.”

“And you’re alone?”

“Yes.”

Riki turned around. It was quiet, the roads were empty, but he didn’t know if he was comfortable leaving the boy alone in this store late at night.

“It’s fine.” Sunoo confirmed.

“Don’t you feel uncomfortable here, alone?”

“It’s fine. I’ve been through worse despite being surrounded by people.” Sunoo’s lips turned into a thin line.

Riki didn’t dare to say anything else, because he was right. As far as he knew, he went through a lot at school, despite being surrounded by people that could have helped. Riki didn’t know what exactly it was that he had suffered—he only knew it was bad.

“Right.”

Riki was about to walk off when he heard Sunoo muttering: “Was the answer actually five?”

A giggle escaped Riki’s throat that he tried to hide with a cough. “Probably not.”

And then he left.

•

“I raised a good son.” Riki’s mom placed her palm just above her heart. Riki didn’t have it in him to tell her it was the wrong side. “You deserve the best milk bread ever. I’ll get on with them tomorrow, okay?”

Riki nodded, patiently waiting for her to wish him goodnight.

“You’re not eating that chocolate bar before bed though. You’ll eat it after lunch tomorrow, okay? Sweet things aren’t good for you before bed or in the morning.”

Huh?

“What chocolate bar?”

“The one in the shopping bag?” His mom raised an eyebrow. “The one you purchased?”

“I didn’t get chocolate? I only got the milk.” Riki reached over to grab the bag and sure enough, a chocolate bar was staring right back at him.

When did I—oh.

A soft smile covered his lips.

Chapter Text

Sunoo wasn’t sure why he did it. He wasn’t sure why he was so nice to the new boy, but something about him made his insides warm and soft. It made him feel all comforted and lovely, despite the fact that they hadn’t talked much with each other.

It wasn’t like he’d never gotten any attention before. His mom was overly protective of him, his little sister loved Sunoo so much, his old dance team was over the moon for him. Or used to be. There was always someone near Sunoo, talking to him, looking out for him.

His classmates—well, there was the name-calling, the eventual bullying, the fat-shaming and occasional shoves—but hey, attention is attention.

But this boy.

Riki.

He felt like a breath of fresh air. It felt genuine and real. The attention he got from him felt safe. Safe enough for Sunoo not to overthink it.

But for how long? How long until it comes out that it was just a dare of his friends to talk to the loser of the school? To befriend Sunoo and betray him later? How long until he realizes how lame Sunoo is and how annoying he can get? How long until people start treating Riki differently just because he wanted to befriend Sunoo?

The walls were still there. They were as high as Sunoo had built them.

But suddenly, there was someone knocking on the other side.

Sunoo chewed on his apple.

He had found a new tactic.

Peel the apple to remove some calories from it. It takes time and Sunoo had cut himself preparing the snack.

But the less wasted calories the better.

Chew, chew, chew.

•

“And then he just started freestyling and Beomgyu-hyung lost it!” Jungwon was busy retelling the events of the day before. “Minghao is also practically begging Riki to join us.”

“Really?” Jay asked.

“Yeah!” Jungwon nodded excitedly. “He’s been looking for a new team member for a while now. I think he’s just happy that his long search is over.”

“I haven’t said yes yet…” Riki said as he was opening his banana milk. “Won’t it be too much? I mean, we’ve got school and I don’t think my mom would want me to be out that late every day.”

“It’s not every day, Riki. It’s only a few days a week, and you can always let Minghao-hyung know when you’ll be able to attend the classes. You can also just go into the studio even if he’s not there, just to practice. All of us have the keys to the front door.”

Riki wondered if it would be a good idea to join such a dedicated class this early in the school year. There were some cons that made him overthink his decision, but Jungwon was really persistent about it. “I’ll talk to my mom about it.”

“Okay.” Riki could basically see Jungwon’s imaginary cat ears drop low. He immediately felt bad about upsetting him, so he gave him a cookie.

“Well, I’ve got to go, folks.” Jake stood up.

“But we still have like twenty minutes for lunch.”

“I know, Hoonie, but I’ve got to help Kazuha with her homework.” Jake smiled coyly and tossed his bun onto Jay’s plate. “Bye, losers.”

He turned around and left, almost skipping on his steps to leave as fast as possible.

Riki turned to Jay. “Kazuha? Who’s that?”

“No one, just a girl in Jake’s class—”

“—who’s fucking obsessed with Jake.”

The table fell silent.

All eyes were on Sunghoon. Sunghoon was staring at his bowl of soup like it had called his mother some names, but it was obvious he was zoning out.

Jay gave Heeseung a knowing look that made Riki think there was more to this girl than just that.

“You good, Hoon?” Jay asked quietly as Jungwon laid his palm on Sunghoon’s hand.

“Mhm, yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”

Slamming his tray on the table, Sunghoon stood up and left abruptly, not allowing anyone to say a word to him.

Silence, again.

Riki wasn’t sure what to make of it. Of that reaction. All he knew was that it wasn’t the first time this had happened, as the boys just continued eating, naturally also stealing food out of Sunghoon’s disregarded tray.

“Uhm,” Riki was almost scared to ask. It felt like something he shouldn’t ask about. Like something only the original friend group should talk about. “What was that? Just now?”

“He gets like that sometimes.” Heeseung replied, shrugging.

“But why?” Riki asked. “Is he jealous?”

“A bit.”

“But he gets as much attention as Jake does.” Riki was confused. “Just a few days ago I saw Sunghoon-hyung get mobbed by a group of fangirls.”

“Uhm, Riki.” Jungwon coughed. “It’s not Jake he’s jealous of.”

“Huh?”

That made no sense. Wasn’t that the only logical explanation? Why would he be jealous of Kazuha?

Unless…

Oh.

“Yeah, oh.” Jungwon sighed. “I thought it was obvious.”

“I don’t… I don’t know…” Riki was clearly puzzled. “I didn’t think of it that way.”

“To be fair, Sunghoonie-hyung does try to mask it in front of Jake.” Jungwon balanced his head on his palm, elbow resting on the table.

Heeseung must’ve picked up Riki’s discomfort, as he asked, “Are you homophobic?”

“What!” Riki whisper-yelled. “Of course not, hyung!”

Heeseung nodded. “Just asking!”

Riki rolled his eyes. “Does Jake-hyung know?”

“About Hoonie’s crush?” Jay asked back. “Of course he knows. Sunghoon has told him about it multiple times. He just won’t…”

“Uhm, he won’t… talk about it. He overlooks it.” Heeseung finished for him. “Jake does love Sunghoon a lot, but feelings aren’t really his thing.”

“That’s weird. Isn’t it?”

“Well, yeah, but Sunghoon can’t force it on Jake. He doesn’t want to make Jake feel uncomfortable or anything.”

“So Jake is… homophobic?”

“Not that type of uncomfortable!” Heeseung exclaimed. “Just, Sunghoon knows Jake needs some time to discover his own sexuality. But he knows. He knows how Hoonie feels about him, he’s just trying not to lead him on.”

“Hm…” Riki’s eyes drifted around. He saw Sunghoon storm out of the cafeteria, a phone in hand.

And then, lo and behold, like a moth to a flame, his eyes landed on a certain blond boy.

Riki stood up. Without hesitation, he grabbed his bag, threw it over his shoulder, and walked off. “I’ll be over in a second.”

“Wait, what are you—”

Riki made his way towards the other end of the room, eyeing the boy, not wasting a second to look at anyone passing by. His speed forced students to stop and give him space to pass before continuing on with their own thing.

His heartbeat was fast, faster than before. A heavy pressure was sitting on his lungs when Sunoo turned to face him. The eye contact felt so real.

Sunoo was still standing by himself, looking for a place to sit. His tray had a cup of soup, a protein bar, and a bottle of water, along with some pills that Riki guessed were his vitamins. A book was covering most of his tray, and since Riki naturally noticed everything about him, he knew that this was a different book than the one he was reading yesterday.

“Hey.”

Sunoo raised an eyebrow. “Hey?”

Silence.

“Have you had lunch yet?” Riki asked, trying to force his voice to stay casual.

“Uhm,” Sunoo replied, wiggling his tray for a second. “I’m about to.”

Riki didn’t think that their height difference was that big, but Sunoo was clearly looking up at him. Either that or Riki was standing too close, but Sunoo hadn’t made any move to take a step back. Riki wondered if he was uncomfortable, so he took the initiative and gave him some space.

“Do you want to eat lunch with us?”

Silence.

“What?” Sunoo asked, clearly confused.

“Yeah, with, you know.” Riki turned around for a second to point at his friend group. Big mistake, as he noticed how intense they were staring back at him. “Heeseung-hyung, Jay-hyung and Jungwonie-hyung. I think you know Jungwon-hyung?”

“Of course I know him. It’s just—” Sunoo felt dizzy. He didn’t want to necessarily decline, but something in his gut told him to do so. And he’s always trusted his gut. At least more than his stomach.

“Don’t even bother.” A girl that was passing by had said. “He’s probably just going to sit awkwardly and not talk.”

“Yeah,” another added. “It’s not like he’ll eat much anyway.”

They giggled and walked off, not giving either of them a chance to say anything. Riki gave them a look, but it was too late. More people were laughing.

The words cut Sunoo deep. It wasn’t as visible, but Riki could tell that it had bothered him. His eyes dropped a bit, sad and tired.

“Uhm, I think I’ll just eat outside,” Sunoo whispered, his voice low and steady, but Riki had heard him clearly. “Thank you for asking.”

And then he left. Without once turning around.

Riki stood there quietly for a second. What just happened?

He knew Sunoo wasn’t liked at school, but up until now he had never witnessed the discrimination firsthand. He was sure they all just left him alone, but this?

This was unacceptable.

Riki turned towards the table where his friends were still sitting. They were all staring at him like he’d grown a second head.

“What was that just now?” Jay asked. “What did you tell him?”

“I just,” Riki shrugged, “asked him if he wanted to sit with us for lunch.”

“Huh?!” Jay yelled, a bit too loudly. “You did what?”

“Sorry, I should’ve asked if it was alright first.”

“No, no. That’s not it, Riki.” Jungwon waved his statement off. “You just… I don’t know, not many people really talk to Sunoo-hyung anymore.”

“Yeah, but they sure do love talking about him,” Riki replied fast. “These two girls didn’t even let him finish his sentence.”

“Who?” Jungwon turned around to look at the girls.

“Do you think he would’ve said yes?” Heeseung asked.

“I don’t know, but it would’ve been nice to know what he wanted to say before we got interrupted.”

Riki was salty over that. Not only did the girls comment about him, they also disrupted their short conversation—for what? To give their little poisonous opinion and leave?

“I’m sorry, bro.” Heeseung rubbed Riki’s back and left his palm on his neck. “Look at the bright side. He didn’t seem annoyed by you. It didn’t look like he was having a conversation he didn’t want to have.”

“Really?” Riki asked.

“That’s Nao and Kiya.” Jungwon rolled his eyes after the realization. “Of course.”

“What?”

“Well, let’s say I’m not surprised it was them. They’ve always hated Sunoo-hyung.”

“What, why? Who are these people?”

“They’re like… I don’t know, mean girl royalty. No one likes them, but still, they have this weird kind of hierarchy going on. I don’t understand why.”

Riki hummed. He didn’t care about them. All he cared about was Sunoo, even if he wasn’t sure why.

“Do you think he’s okay?” Riki asked Heeseung, who was still rubbing his neck.

“Only one way to find out, Riki.” He smiled.

•

It wasn’t hard to find Sunoo. Everyone was inside, filling the cafeteria to the point of inability to breathe, but Sunoo was outside, under one of the bigger trees in the courtyard across the football field.

He seemed peaceful, despite the earlier encounter with the two girls. He was reading his book, head slightly tilted to the side. Knees crossed, tray forgotten. The air allowed his hair to move slightly against the breeze, slow enough to not bother his reading. The flowers around him gave Riki the impression that the boy was exactly where he needed to be.

Riki took a few slow steps toward him, clearing his throat quietly to make his presence known. Sunoo slightly shifted as an indication that he realized he wasn’t alone anymore, but he was smart enough to know who it was, even without directly looking.

Riki slumped down, threw his bag a bit further from Sunoo, and moved to lay down. He used the bag as a pillow, setting it in a way that didn’t hurt his head.

And then, silence. Not awkward, but charged.

Soft and gentle.

Exactly how Sunoo should be treated.

Chapter Text

„I think it’s great, Riki.“ His mom set the table for them to eat dinner. „It’s a great opportunity to get back into dancing again. Why did you think I would have been against it?“

„I don’t know…“ Riki replied lazily. „Don’t you think it’s going to be too much?“

„It might be difficult at first, but that shouldn’t stop you from doing what you love to do, Riki! Come on, it will be fun.“ Riki’s mom kissed him cheek softly. „And don’t think I didn’t hear that Jungwon boy talk about how the choreographer fell in love with you.“

Riki rolled his eyes, cheeks burning red. „Fine, I will. But don’t blame me if my grades drop.“

„They were never that high to begin with.“ His mother giggled at Riki’s reaction. „I’m kidding, don’t look at me like that. Now come, let’s eat.“

•

The bedroom was quiet. A light humming could be heard, probably from the street lights outside or a car occasionally passing by. 

Riki was lying on his back, his LED lights making sure that it wasn’t too bright for his eyes, helping him drift off to sleep. He picked up his phone. 

Jay owes Hoonie 5 bucks 

Jungwon : guys

Jungwon : should I skip school tmr be honest

Jay : huh why

Jay : u feeling sick wonie?

Jungwon : no I just don’t wanna get up at 6am again

Riki smiled. 

Riki : you have to get used to it, school just started

Jungwon : UGDHGDHDSHHS

Jungwon : did u have to remind me????

Jay : go to bed wonie 

Jungwon : don’t tell me what to do old man

Jungwon : tell riki too

Jungwon : hes the youngest!!!!

Jay : go to bed riki

Riki : no

Riki giggled when Jay sent some stickers of an angry cat. He then switched from the message app into instagram. Suddenly, an idea crossed his mind.

He looked Sunoo up. First, his name.

Kim Sunoo. 

An account popped up. kim_seonwoo11 

Nope, that’s not him. A few others with a similar name filled his search bar, but no luck. So he did what everyone would have done.

He first looked up Jungwon's instagram handle he had gotten on the first day of school. He tapped a post of himself dancing with Beomgyu. 

fun with my fav hyung!! @ beomgyuslowlife @ desiredstudio1 

Riki tapped on the account of the dance studio and looked through the following list and he thanked every God looking at him and helping him find Sunoos account, because there it was:

@ sunny.dayz

Of course, the account was private. Riki was disappointed but he wasn’t surprised at all. On the followed by under his biography stood Jungwon's name, so he was sure it was the right one, despite the profile picture being one of a sunset.

Riki kept analyzing the account. The profile picture looked like it was a photograph taken by the boy himself, he had a fox emoji as his biography next to a just for fun. He had 57 followers and was following them all back. It was an even number, so Riki decided to do something rather simple.

He sent a friend request. 

If Sunoo was so obsessive over the number of followers and followings to be equal, he had to respond to the request. It was that easy.

Or Riki hoped.

His heartbeat fastened immediately after tapping the follow button. Why did I do that? The brief surge of confidence vanished the moment he tapped the blue button.

But Riki didn’t take it back. 

If Sunoo likes balance so much…he’d have to respond…right?

•

There was a slight misconception about people with anorexia. It’s the assumption that they hate food over anything.

Sunoo never once hated food. 

Sure, there were some vegetables he would rather die than have to eat again, or a specific bread he actively avoided eating even when they didn’t have the 80 calorie a piece cut bread loaf he buys. Which is another reason Sunoo liked to do all the grocery shopping—so that his mom wouldn’t buy that American bread she liked so much.

But he never hated food. 

He loved the taste of a good kimchi stew or God…the ttekbokki he used to buy after school in Myeongdong, just before dancing. He loved dipping his fruits in melted chocolate to improve the sweetness or trying new recipes.  He loved studding his face with so much ice cream that left him with an hour long headache right after swallowing. 

It’s not the food he hated, it was the calories. 

The maths he had trained his brain on.

It had gotten so bad, that eating just over 600 calories was enough to make him panic. 

He never purged. He couldn’t. He had tried once when it was actually necessary, where he had eaten a piece of an apple that he could’ve sworn had a worm in it, but he never managed to actually get the food out of his system. 

That was another reason he always stayed under 600 every day. He knew the panic he would feel would ruin his whole week, his whole day. He would refuse to do any homework, just to spend an hour working out to remove calories off his system. To fix his mistake. 

He liked food. He always made sure to stay under his limit so that if he wanted to eat ice cream at midnight, he would be able to, without the feeling of guilt haunting his dreams.

Like at that moment.

Sunoo was bent over the kitchen counter, a can of vanilla ice cream in front of him, a spoon in his hand. A big spoon, of course, so that the  ice cream wouldn’t feel too heavy. 

He was scrolling on his phone, watching disgusting mukbangs from American influencers, judging the way they were eating. He felt safe, knowing he wasn’t the one eating over 500 calories in a meal. He felt safe eating his 80 calories per two spoonfuls of ice cream vanilla delight. 

Suddenly, a notification. Something he hadn’t received in a long time. 

A friend request. On instagram. 

He raised an eyebrow. 

„Huh?“ He asked himself. 

riki.sensei 

Sunoo's eyes grew wide. 

Riki wanted to follow him on instagram? No way, after that embarrassment? After Nao and Kiya made fun of him in front of Riki? 

„He’s so weird.“ Sunoo’s head fell on the kitchen counter. 

It felt good. It felt good knowing that even after that moment of shame, Riki decided to sit next to Sunoo during break, despite them staying silent. It felt good that despite all of that, he got a friend request.

Riki gave Sunoo all the attention he wouldn’t think he would ever get.

His head lay on the counter as Sunoo was measuring out his options. 

There’s one of two ways this could go. 

He could either accept the following request and of course follow back. That would allow Riki a glance in Sunoo’s world, as he doesn’t plan on deleting any of his posts. 

Or he can decline and act like it never happened. That would force these weird interactions to stop. And, to be quite honest, Sunoo didn’t want that to happen. He liked Riki. It was the first time someone was interested in him, even if he was still doubtful about it. It was even better that Riki was new. He wasn’t there when it all started.

That felt like a win.

„Darling?“ A voice disrupted his train of thought. „Aren’t you going to bed?“

Caught while eating ice cream.

Of course.

Great. Just great.

There comes all the oh but you are finally eating, oh but you look so much better than before, oh how happy I am that you’re eating comments.

„Yes, mom.“ Sunoo hastily cleaned up his little mess. „I just need to brush my teeth.“ 

His mom smiled softly as she turned off the kitchen lights. The street lights that came from outside filled the room again. „Good. Goodnight, Sunny.“

A kiss on his temple and she left again. 

Sigh.

Sunoo glanced over Riki’s account.

Accept.

No way to run now.

•

Riki yelled into a pillow.

„No way.“ He said. „No way, no way, no way.“

He didn’t only get accepted, he had gotten a follow back.

It felt like an achievement. It felt like acceptance and respect. His stomach turned. His head felt lighter than before.

It felt good to know that Sunoo was comfortable enough to allow Riki in.

Sunoo had 19 posts. Some were just pictures of the sunset, others were pictures of books. He had pictures from trips to other countries and some art. Paintings, sketches, music all in one slideshow.

He only had one picture with his face in it. 

It was a selfie in the dark. His phone had been positioned in a way that made his eyes seem a bit bigger than they were. His eyes were dark, faint eyebags were also visible. He wasn’t smiling, though, he looked neutral. He was wearing a black hoodie, his hood pulled over his hair. 

He looked soft.

Soft and pretty. Like he always was.

Riki smiled over the picture. He turned to his side, phone still on, eyeing every detail on the selfie. He didn’t care that he felt like a stalker.

Slowly, he dozed off seconds after his phone had automatically turned off.

•

It was a new day. 

Friday. He had spent all morning munching on his oatmeal while his mom was talking about something that had happened at work. 

„Are you going to the studio today?“

„I’m not sure. I might visit Heeseung-hyung after school with the others, though. He’s currently alone, his parents are on a business trip again.“

„Oh? Okay, yeah, sure.“ His mom nodded. „Just make sure to eat something. And get some orange juice on your way back, I want to bake something again.“

„With…orange juice?“

Riki’s mom turned around to face him, her arms crossed. „Yes, smartass. It’s a type of orange slash lemon cake.“

Riki grimaced.

„Just go to school. Don’t get in any trouble.“

•

Riki didn’t care that he had spent the entirety of his math lesson ogling Sunoo from the back of the classroom. He had no shame about it. 

Sunoo didn’t notice him. He stayed productive, listening actively to the teacher and even without him answering any question or questioning Riki that night at the store, Riki knew that Sunoo was good at maths. 

Sometimes he would touch his hair, twirling it around in his finger, only forcing Riki to imagine how soft it must be. His pink hoodie was covering his whole body in a way that made it seem like a dress. Sunoo knew soft colors looked good on him, he just had to know. There’s no way he doesn’t know how pretty he looks.

Riki’s stomach twisted. 

The bell rang and it was time for lunch again. 

Riki managed to pass by the students in his class with no issue. He wanted to reach their usual table as soon as possible. 

He grabbed a tray, filled it with items off their daily lunch snacks: some rice, some type of soup he didn’t care enough to look at, a small salad, some kimchi salad, a bun and some butter. He grabbed a bottle of water and made his way towards his hyungs.

Jungwon had a packet lunch with him, Heeseung was almost done with his soup, Jay and Jake had the same meals and Sunghoon refused his rice, giving it to Jake. 

„We’re eating outside today.“ Riki said.

Silence. 

No one moved. Jay looked skeptical, Jungwon looked confused. 

„Get up. Let’s go.“ Riki ordered. 

It was funny how fast Heeseung's eyes lit up with the realization. „Okay, fine. I could use some fresh air.“ 

„Huh?“ Jake said.

„Wait, why?“ Sunghoon asked as he was standing up to gather his things. 

„Don’t you think we’re only going to bother him?“ Jungwon asked. 

„I don’t think us sitting next to him will do more damage than whatever Nao and Kiya did yesterday. Let’s just go.“ 

„Wait, who?“ Sunghoon asked again, Heeseung pushing him to move. Heeseung put an arm around Jake’s shoulders, and made his way towards the exit. 

„We are adopting a new puppy.“ He smiled. „Let’s go, men.“

And then they were outside. 

Riki, once again, spotted him quite easily. Sunoo was sitting under the same tree he was sitting at the day before, a book in hand. He looked peaceful, unbothered and relaxed. His eyes scanned the pages quite quickly, making Riki wonder what types of books he is into. 

Then he heard the noise. 

Jay and Jake were quite loud, talking about a student that had just passed by them, so it was certain that Sunoo would’ve heard the group walking towards him. 

His eyes grew wide. He stilled when he realised that the boys were moving towards him. A tension had grown in his back, climbing up his spine and taking a seat on his shoulders. He forced himself to look at his book, but it was difficult to concentrate.

Riki made the first move. He yanked his bag in the same position it was in the day before and lay down with a loud plop. Then, it was Jake’s turn, as the certified extrovert. He mirrored Riki’s bag-as-a-pillow technique, placing his own on the area under Riki’s feet. He gave Sunoo the same amount of space as Riki, laying down on his stomach, placing his head on his crossed upper arms over his bag.

Sunghoon tried to give Sunoo a short, awkward smile, despite the boy trying so hard not to look at them. He used his jacket as a blanket to put on the empty spot just across from Riki and sat down delicately. Almost like a cautious cat.

Jungwon took a seat right next to Sunghoon as he had enough space for him on his jacket and Heeseung used Jake’s butt as a pillow for his head, laying right next to Sunoo, his feet almost touching the other boys shoes. 

Jay also laid down, on his side. He put his tray in front of his stomach, slurping loudly on his capri sun. 

It was quiet. A charged energy surrounded them all and no one knew what to name it exactly.

Sunoo tried to ease his shoulders. He tried to continue reading, but the words he scanned left his mind as soon as they passed by. A quiet chirping sound filled the cozy atmosphere and someone coughed awkwardly. 

„So,“ Jay started. „Jake?“

„Hmm…?“ 

„How many times do you have to get rejected by Kazuha to get the hint?“ 

„Shut the fuck up, asshole!“ 

The boys laughed. 

Riki tried his best to sneak a glance at Sunoo without turning his head completely. He looked…well, okay. He didn’t look as uncomfortable as he expected him to be. It almost looked like he was trying to hide a smile. 

„I don’t even know why you keep trying, it’s not like you’ll ever get laid.“ Heeseung said.

„Hyung, you’re laying your head on my ass, but feel safe enough to make fun of me? One fart and you’re gone.“

„Hey!“

„I’m just being honest. I ate eggs for breakfast too, you know what that means.“

„God, Jake. I know I keep asking, but who raised you?“ Sunghoon cringed. He moved, leaning back and putting all his weight on his arms. 

„Have I told you guys that my parents used to prank me by claiming that they found me under a bridge?“ Jake giggled, although Riki could barely hear it due to the fact that Jake had his mouth covered.

„That explains so much, dude.“ Jay said, chewing on paper straw.

Jungwon giggled. Riki looked at him, thoughtful.

He knew how sentimental Jungwon was about his past. How hurt he looks when he talks about Sunoo and their old dancing team. 

Riki hoped this would work out. 

Jungwon glanced at Sunoo, who gave him a short look. 

That short moment of eye contact alone meant so much to them. 

Is this the beginning of something good?

•

There were speakers out at the football field that were also used as a bell to indicate the end of lunch time. 

The boys had spent the last twenty minutes eating quietly, goofing around some more, trying their best to not disturb Sunoo too much. Slowly, one by one stood up to make their way back to class. 

Jungwon skipped through the backyard, Jay following with slow steps. 

Jake left, but before he could stop himself, he yelled a short : „Bye, Sunoo!“ and disappeared.

Sunghoon gave Sunoo a small wave, Heeseung taking initiative for the both of them. „Have a good day, Sunoo-yah.“

And just like that, he was alone with Riki. Sunoo placed his book on his lap. 

Riki was happy. He packed his bag and turned around, facing the school. That’s when he heard it.

„Thank you.“ Sunoo whispered. 

„Hm?“ 

Riki turned around and almost fell over. 

A smile. From Sunoo.

A real, heartfelt smile. There was nothing forced about it. Sunoo was smiling at him.

„Thank you, for that.“ Sunoo said. „It’s been a while since I spent lunch with others.“ 

„Yeah, well,“ Riki cracked his back by putting some pressure on his spine. „expect that to happen more in the future.“ 

Sunoo looked down at his lap. He played with the pages of the book he'd spent his lunch reading. 

„You don’t have to pity me, you know. I’m fine like this.“ He said. „I got used to this.“

Riki felt his heart break. 

„I’m not pitying you.“ He replied softly. „I just really want to be your friend.“ 

Sunoo hummed. 

Silence, again. 

„See you?“ Riki turned to move again. 

„Maybe.“ Sunoo smiled. 

„You can…“ Riki started. „You can always just sit with us, you know?“ 

Sunoo tapped the cover of his book. „I know.“ 

Riki smiled again. „Do you?“

„You’re really persistent, did you know that?“

„Hm…“ Riki shrugged. „So I’ve been told.“

And with that, he left. 

Chapter Text

Sunoo doesn’t wear jewelry anymore. It’s not that he doesn’t want to—it’s that he really just can’t.

He knew you can’t pick and choose where you’ll lose fat when you first start your… diet. Of course, he wished for his thighs and belly to disappear, but what really ended up happening first was that his fingers started to get thinner.

It was like magic. It felt like it had happened overnight.

One day, he was wearing his favorite colored ring on his ring finger. Then it started slipping, so he passed it on to his middle finger—joking that he would look fashionable if he decided to flip someone off. And then it reached his pointer finger. It was like playing dominoes.

But that didn’t last too long.

Now, rings don’t even come close to becoming his favorite jewelry item again. They were useless.

It was disappointing, yes—he used to enjoy shopping for rings on the weekends or during vacation—but he would accept an indication of progress in any way, shape, or form.

Sunoo figured he’d just become a necklace guy, and at first, it was fun.

He bought himself one of those DIY necklace kits. He spent hours watching documentaries, listening to podcasts or music, or even just sitting in silence while putting together necklaces with a well-thought-out color palette.

But when his collarbones started popping out and greeting him in the mirror every day, he decided they were the only necklace he needed.

And it felt so, so, so good.

•

“You dumbass! You have to look for the item the villager needs from you and give it to them!”

“Why? I’m not even getting paid for that!”

“Yes, you are?!”

A pillow smacked Jake in the face.

“Jay, stop throwing that—you’ll start another pillow fight again, and then we’ll be left to clean your mess,” Jungwon said with a monotone voice. Riki was sure he was tired.

“Can I get some lemonade?” Sunghoon asked.

“I don’t care—he’s missing the whole point of this stupid game!”

“If it’s so stupid, then why are you on level 105?”

“Because—” Jay stuttered. “I don’t know. Because it’s that easy?”

“Guys, please…”

“Jake, just hand Jay the remote again.”

“Heeseung is right. It looks like his forehead vein is going to explode real soon.”

“Guys… please, I just want some lemonade.”

Riki giggled at the whole interaction and tried to hide it with a cough. It was crystal clear he’d made the right choice in choosing friends. Or, well, they’d made the right choice in adopting him into the friend group. These guys were fun, and they cared about each other a lot—despite never saying it out loud.

Heeseung was sitting on his bed, his back against the wall and knees pulled up. Jungwon was sitting next to him horizontally, holding onto a bowl of chips like it owed him money. Jake was sitting in front of the bed next to Jay, who sat cross-legged but still managed to keep Jake in a headlock. Sunghoon was right next to Jake, lying on his back with his legs on the bed. He looked a bit blue, but Riki hoped it wasn’t because of his blood circulation cutting off before it reached his head—but due to the television screen they were all facing.

“Fine,” Jake struggled. “But only because you look like you’re two seconds away from having a stroke.”

Jay accepted the remote and hissed at Jake, who immediately turned around to get some of Jungwon’s chips—ones he was trying very hard to guard.

“Can I please get some lemonade?”

“For fuck’s sake, Sunghoon, go get it yourself!”

“But…” He stuttered. “I don’t know where you keep it.”

Heeseung rolled his eyes, but that was all he could really do. He had a soft spot for Sunghoon—an even softer one than he had for Jungwon—so he stood up and made his way to the kitchen, which was just down the hall. Not before petting Jungwon on the head like a puppy, of course.

His room was a bit messy: socks lying around everywhere, blankets tossed aside, open math books that looked like they’d never really been touched. It was messy, but it wasn’t dirty.

“Now look, Apollo needs a spider. We go catch—”

“Why does he need a spider?” Jake asked.

“That’s—I don’t know. Irrelevant. But now we go catch the spider—”

“Why would I go through the trouble and put myself in danger if I don’t even know why he needs a spider?”

“Jake, for your sake and my mental health, I won’t be answering that stupid question. There are children here who don’t need to hear vulgar language.”

“Have you never heard Niki curse?” Jake asked, pointing at Riki. “That boy curses worse than all of us combined. I don’t even know where he learned all those words.”

Riki smiled mischievously.

“Guys, we’re out of drinks,” Heeseung said, standing outside his room, leaning one shoulder on the doorframe. “Anyone up for a grocery trip? I’m not in the mood to leave the house, to be honest. And I also don’t trust anyone except Jungwon to leave the apartment in your hands.”

“Ugh…” Sunghoon groaned. “Fine, I’ll go.”

“Wait—” Riki said, and Heeseung looked at him with raised eyebrows. “Is it the small grocery store? Near the studio?”

“Uhm,” Heeseung thought about it, looking up at his ceiling, filled with stick-on stars. “Yes. Yeah. It’s just down the block.”

“I’ll come with you, hyung,” Riki said, smiling at Sunghoon.

“Huh? Why? I’m fine going alone too.”

“No, no. I’ll come.” Riki grabbed his bag from Heeseung’s gaming chair. He didn’t want to admit he wanted to see if Sunoo was working that night. But his memory helped him. “I just remembered that my mom asked me to get her some orange juice for a cake she wants to bake.”

•

The lights were dim; the little bell above the door was the only real sound that briefly rang out, along with the hum of the refrigerators. The store was empty again—an old lady had just exited before the boys arrived.

Riki stepped in right after Sunghoon and Jake, who had forced himself into this convenience store run. He claimed he didn’t want to leave his “child” alone with an “idiot.” He earned himself a smack on the head from Sunghoon and a shove from Riki.

But he did end up joining.

He yapped their ears off about some game he wanted to get for Heeseung’s birthday, and Riki acted like he cared.

Sunghoon pushed Jake back.

“Lemonade, lemonade, lemonade—”

“Shhh,” Jake shushed his friend. “Hoonie, it’s past 9 p.m., bro. Stop being so loud.”

Riki scanned the place. No Sunoo in sight. No cashier in sight.

He was sure the boy was somewhere. He had to be.

Unless he wasn’t working, which—fine. Riki didn’t care. It’s not like he came all the way for—

“Sunoo?” Sunghoon said.

“Huh?” Jake followed. “Ah! Sunoo-yah!”

Riki perked up like a puppy given a treat.

And there he was.

Sunoo was kneeling down, a box full of sodas next to him. He looked up, boba eyes staring at the three boys like he’d just seen a ghost. He was in the middle of unpacking the drinks and putting them in the refrigerator, a hand frozen in the air.

His mouth agape—pink and pouty. Riki was sure he wasn’t comfortable. He looked like he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to react. Were they close enough to talk? Or was small talk appropriate?

Riki decided for him.

“Are you working alone again, hyung?”

Sunoo turned to him, cheeks slightly blushing. Riki’s were too. This was the first time Riki had actually addressed him. Officially. Especially with that title.

Sunoo took his turn reacting, quickly standing up. He took a second to gather himself, brushing off dust from his work pants. Then he quickly replied, pushing his hair behind his ear. “Uhm, yeah. Yes.”

“Again?” Jake asked. “You’ve visited Sunoo here before?”

“Once,” Sunoo surprised himself by answering. “He was here a couple of days ago.”

“Oh?” Jake turned to Sunghoon. “Well, good to know.”

Sunoo stood there, awkwardly playing with his fingers. He turned to the box he’d discarded, unsure if he should keep working or allow the boys to talk to him. This was the first time in over a year someone was actively seeking conversation with him. He didn’t want to ruin it—despite wanting it to end.

“Oh! Aren’t those the lemonades you wanted, Hoonie?”

“Oh, yes.”

Nobody moved.

“You can—” Sunoo cleared his throat. “You can get some, if you like. I’m just refilling the refrigerator.”

Sunghoon smiled softly and nodded.

Nobody moved, again.

Riki was over it. His friends were acting like they were in the presence of a cryptid—despite the fact that they’d literally spent lunch with Sunoo earlier that day.

“Hyung, how many do you want?” he asked.

Sunghoon looked at the sodas.

“Aw, man. They don’t have the ones I like!” Jake exclaimed dramatically.

“Oh no,” Sunghoon deadpanned, grabbing three sodas. “How will you survive this?”

“Shut up!” Jake pushed him softly. “They were the reason I came with you.”

“I thought you wanted to protect me from Sunghoonie-hyung?”

“Yeah, I lied.”

Sunghoon rolled his eyes. He thanked Sunoo for the drinks, nodding slightly. “Thank you, Sunoo.”

“Do you—” Jake paused, biting his lip.

“Hm?”

“I’m sorry if I’m intruding, but are you okay? You’re looking a bit red.”

“Huh?” Sunoo touched his cheeks. “Oh! No, I’m fine, sunbaenim! I just… I stood up a bit too fast.”

“Ahh, the low iron.” Jake smiled. “I can relate. Eat your greens.”

Riki could see the force behind Sunoo’s smile. Food. A touchy subject.

“Yes, sunbaenim.”

“Hyung is fine, Sunoo.”

Sunoo nodded quickly, hair bouncing with each motion. Riki imagined running a hand through it. He was staring shamelessly.

Sunoo looked small. The sleeves of his thin shirt were rolled over his elbows, revealing skin pale enough that his veins were visible. His bones showed—spiky wrists and pink fingers. Riki was sure he could wrap his palm around Sunoo’s wrist twice.

Yes, he was small. And only getting smaller.

But another thing Riki noticed—the shirt he was wearing under the work apron.

It was Riki’s shirt.

The one he had given him during P.E.

He was wearing Riki’s shirt at work.

Riki couldn’t look away.

Sunoo, on the other hand, avoided his gaze like the plague. The tips of his ears were red.

“Uhm, I can ring you up really quick. Wait—”

“No, no. It’s fine. We’ll take a look around for other snacks. Take your time with the fridge,” Jake smiled.

“Ah, thank you.” Sunoo smiled back. This time, a bit more relaxed.

Jake placed his arm around Sunghoon’s shoulders and pulled them both away. He gave one last meaningful look to Riki. “Let’s go, I want some ice cream.”

“All this ice cream will turn you into the new Shindong, Ikeu.”

“That’s not true! I was gifted with a fast metabolism…”

And they stepped away.

Riki watched them almost trip and fall, but they never let go of each other. It didn’t even look difficult—it looked like they belonged together, almost.

Sunoo giggled softly. “Ice cream isn’t that heavy on calories. He’ll be fine.”

He turned to take care of the sodas.

“You know a lot about that stuff, right?” Riki asked quietly, trying not to sound confrontational.

Now it was out in the open. The indication that he was aware.

Sunoo froze. His eyes widened, just now realizing what he’d said out loud. In front of someone else. In front of Riki.

“Oh, well,” he coughed. “Not really, just… you know. It gets boring here sometimes.”

Riki eyed him up and down.

It wasn’t his place to comment—yet.

“Can I help you? With the refilling?”

Sunoo turned to face him, for the first time that night. “You don’t have to—”

“I want to.” Riki smiled. “Better than hanging out with those two idiots.”

Sunoo looked perplexed, but nodded. He stepped aside to give Riki space.

They were close—shoulders almost touching. Riki was sure if he stepped any closer, he’d be able to take in Sunoo’s scent. To really feel how close they were. The candy boy.

“So,” Riki started, grabbing four sodas. “How often do you work here?”

“It’s my mom’s store. I only help when she’s out of town.”

“She’s out of town?”

Sunoo nodded, placing sodas one by one.

“You have really small hands.”

Riki didn’t know why he said it. It slipped out—a simple observation. It shocked him as much as it shocked Sunoo, who looked at him like he was growing another head.

“I don’t… I don’t know why I said that.”

It was silent. Riki was sure it was just in his head, but he swore even the fridges stopped humming for a second.

“I really didn’t mean to say that out loud. Or even think that! I mean—” He stuttered. “I mean, they are small, but I don’t mean it in a bad way, really.”

Sunoo continued his work, eyebrows furrowed. He shrugged. “Maybe yours are just ridiculously huge.”

Now it was Riki’s turn to freeze.

Was that… was that Sunoo joking with him?

Sunoo had actually made a joke. Directed at Riki.

Riki smiled—big.

“Fair.”

They continued in silence. Soft, comfortable, until a loud bang interrupted them.

Jake and Sunghoon.

Riki kissed his teeth. “These hyungs…”

Sunoo smiled. “They’re cute.”

“Huh? These two?”

“Yeah, I mean…” Sunoo glanced at him. “It’s cute when couples aren’t lovey-dovey all the time. It’s cute that they feel comfortable enough to bicker like that—even in public.”

Riki hadn’t thought of it that way.

“They’re not a couple, though,” he said.

“Oh.”

“Is that… would it be bad if they were? In your eyes?”

“What? No,” Sunoo replied quickly. “No, I’m not like that.”

Riki looked at him.

“I mean—not not like that. I’m not—” Sunoo covered his eyes for a second. “I’m not homophobic. That would be a bit hypocritical of me.”

“Sorry, Sunoo! Hoonie accidentally dropped a whole carton of milk, but it didn’t tear or anything. I picked it up.”

Sunoo waved his hands. “It’s fine, sunbaenim!”

“I told you, hyung is fine!” Jake stood in front of him again. “Riki, here’s your orange juice.”

But Riki couldn’t react.

That would’ve been a bit hypocritical of me.

Chapter Text

Riki couldn’t sleep again. It was starting to scare him.

It had started back in Japan, when his friend groups had first started forming. He spent countless hours at night wondering if the people he genuinely liked were actually interested in him—or if they just kept him around to create bigger groups.

He tossed and turned, barely shutting his eyes, staring into the dark. Faint memories of difficult conversations filled his head.

He knew it was wrong to compare the friendships he had now to the ones from the past, but… was it really?

Back in Japan, he tried not to compare. But he ended up being used again. He told himself it was just a coincidence, but it never gave him the reassurance he needed.

When Kataro hung out with the entire group in the park in front of Riki’s house without inviting him, he let it slide. Well, the first time. The second time, he spent the whole evening staring at them through his window, hiding behind the dark curtains in his room. He noticed they never once even glanced at his house, which had him thinking maybe it hadn’t been on purpose.

But Riki wasn’t sure if that was good or not.

If they had done it on purpose, they were shitty friends—hanging out where the person left out could clearly see them was cruel.

If they had done it unintentionally, well… that was bad too. That would mean they never even thought of Riki as their friend. That he wasn’t part of the group. That they didn’t care if he saw them. That he was just another classmate.

Riki cringed at the memory. He remembered how stupid he felt being friends with Kataro and his group. He remembered how, whenever they needed a good laugh during school, they ran to Riki for entertainment. Riki would amuse them with jokes, with actions, with pranks that got him into trouble.

But when it came time to work on group projects? No one even glanced at him. They would lie and say they didn’t need a partner, when all they ever showed him was distrust. Like they were sure Riki was just a stupid little boy who was good at practical jokes. Never someone to take seriously. Never smart enough to work with.

He was always the class clown.

A tear rolled down his cheek, and Riki quickly wiped it away. He was alone in his room, but he knew his younger self was watching. He was always watching. Always making sure Riki would never feel that stupid ever again.

Never again.

•

“Good morning, Riki!”

Jungwon came running in, startling Riki out of his daze. He sat at the little kitchen island across from his mom.

“How did you get in here?” Riki asked, drowning his cereal in milk.

“I left the door open,” his mom said, sipping her coffee—no, his coffee. She didn’t even flinch at Jungwon’s entrance, continuing to look at the magazine in front of her.

“I just figured I’d be prepared. Jungwon always comes around at 7:15 a.m. sharp to pick you up.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Nishimura!” Jungwon bowed. Riki’s mom just waved him off.

“You’re always welcome, Jungwon. The door is always open for you and the other boys.”

“Do you remember their names, Mom?”

It still felt weird for Riki to talk to her in Korean, but he had to get used to it somehow.

“Uhm…” She turned red.

“Jungwon, Jungwon Two with the extremely polite attitude, Jungwon Three who doesn’t talk, Jungwon Four with the boba eyes, and Jake.”

Riki stared.

“Jungwon, Jay, Sunghoon, Heeseung, and Jake. Why do you remember Jake?”

“Ah, I really liked Jake. He was extremely nice when he introduced himself to me.”

“You just said that Jay had an extremely polite attitude.”

“Well, yeah, but more in a… student council president type of way.”

She rolled her eyes at her son, as if she didn’t expect him to not understand.

“He was adorable, though. Really good Japanese.”

“That’s Jay.” Jungwon grinned, like they were praising a pet who learned a new trick.

“Riki, are you done eating? We can’t be late.”

“Why do you always insist on picking me up? You’d probably get to school earlier if you didn’t.”

“We live in the same neighborhood and we’re in the same friend group. Wouldn’t it make sense that I pick you up? What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t?”

Jungwon put a hand on his hip.

“Besides, imagine I saw you walking down the street and just waved like we weren’t heading to the same place—only to eat lunch together later. Wouldn’t that be weird?”

“Fine, fine, I get it.” Riki swallowed his cereal and looked at his mom, who was already smiling at him.

He knew what she was thinking.

She was proud. That he had finally made friends again. That they were treating him well.

But he also knew she felt sorry for him. Definitely.

It wasn’t pride she was feeling—it was relief. That she didn’t raise a loser son.

Little did she know.

Little did she know how small that made him feel.

He stood up and put his dishes in the dishwasher. Riki grabbed his bag and slung it over his shoulder.

“Bye, Mom. Have a nice day at work.” He said it in Japanese.

“Oh, yeah! Bye! Do your best, Riki!”

And they were off. Riki practically dragged Jungwon out of the house. Jungwon looked at him, confused, but didn’t ask. He let him have this moment.

•

When they reached the front of the school, Jungwon nudged Riki gently with his elbow.

“Your eyebags are showing.”

“Gee, thanks, hyung. Just tell me I look like shit next time.”

“You know that’s not what I meant.” Jungwon scoffed.

“You look really tired. Did you sleep at all last night?”

“Of course I did. I slept too long, actually. My mom had to wake me up.”

Lying was easy. Lying was okay.

“Alright, but if there’s anything at all, talk to me about it, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I’m serious, Riki.” Jungwon’s voice dropped. He stopped walking and gently held Riki’s sleeve.

“You’re my friend now. I just told you you look like you haven’t slept, and you told me you did. You told me you’re fine. That’s strike one, and I’ll let you have it. On strike two, I’ll ask again and I’ll observe. Strike three is when I tell the hyungs.”

Riki pressed his lips into a thin line and looked down. Suddenly, his shoes were more interesting than whatever was happening to him.

“I’m not trying to be mean. Don’t get me wrong.”

Jungwon’s palm slid down, now holding onto Riki’s softly.

“I just… I failed to see the signs in others before. I’m not letting myself make the same mistake again.”

Riki met his eyes.

“Okay, hyung.” He said softly.

“Can we go now?”

Jungwon rolled his eyes and let go.

“Youngsters these days,” he said as he walked ahead.

Riki massaged his forehead. The two hours of sleep were catching up to him. The sun felt too bright. A headache was brewing.

A nap after school would fix it.

He dropped his hand and headed to class—unaware someone was watching him.

•

English was annoying. It was really just one of Riki’s worst subjects. He hated languages, no matter how easy they were for him to learn. They just weren’t interesting enough for him—unlike Korean.

They had this text. About a lonely man who decided to take a trip to a little village in Scotland. He was on his bike, stepped on a spiky rock that damaged it, and had to walk to the nearest house to ask for help. When he knocked on the door, something happened.

The question was: what?

Their English teacher gave them the task of continuing the story. A simple writing assignment. A group project.

Riki restrained the urge to groan.

He knew why he was thinking about those past group projects he ended up doing alone. He knew something was wrong—he could feel it.

This time, Riki decided not to make a fool of himself. This was a new school. A new country. A new Riki. Instead of trying and getting rejected again, he wouldn’t even try.

Nothing could go wrong that way.

He would just work alone.

It would take time, but he wasn’t stupid.

He’s not stupid.

He’s not stupid.

“I don’t want to ask him!”

He heard a girl whisper-shout next to him.

“He’s probably shit in English. I’ve never heard him speak a word in class.”

She was talking to another girl beside her—her partner, clearly.

“I’m sorry! I promise I’ll work with you next time!”

“Next time I’m going to kill you, Joonah.” The girl, Honchae, muttered.

“I really don’t want to ask him. I’m pretty sure he’s not good at school stuff.”

Riki tensed.

Who were they talking about?

He had heard those words before. He’d lived with them. He was sure they were about him.

He didn’t try to join any group. How did they know? How did they know about his past?

Everyone else had already paired up. It had to be him they meant.

“Should I do it for you?” Joonah asked, leaning on her elbows.

“I mean, he should be glad someone is even asking him.”

“Uhm… fine. Yes, ask for me.”

Riki tensed further. He braced himself for the question. He didn’t even have time to plan a response.

“Sunoo-yah!” Joonah yelled.

Oh.

Riki looked up. Sunoo was in his usual seat, head down, writing. He ignored them.

“Sunoo!”

“Ya, twinky!”

He kept working.

“Ugh, he’s completely ignoring us!” Joonah complained.

“Or maybe his nutrition is so bad that his organs aren’t working anymore.”

Honchae laughed.

“Definitely that. You’d think with all that starving he’d be skinny, but —”

“Still a cupcake…“ She giggled, obviously remembering something. „If only Jaehee were still here… remember when he forced Sunoo to eat that chocolate muffin he stepped on?”

“Oh my God, yeah!”

Riki couldn’t believe his ears. They knew how small the classroom was. They knew whispers traveled.

They must not have realized Sunoo could hear them. But Riki knew better. Sunoo’s tensed shoulders and red ears were all the proof he needed.

He was about to stand up when Sunoo beat him to it.

Suddenly, he was in front of Riki.

“Can you help me with something, Riki?”

Riki froze.

Sunoo had not only sought him out—he used his name. It wasn’t the first time someone had said it, but it was the first time Sunoo had.

The way it sounded from Sunoo’s honey-dripping mouth made Riki want to force everyone else to call him Niki like Jake did.

Right now, he was only Riki for one person. And that person was Sunoo.

“Yeah, what do you need, hyung?”

He tried to keep his voice steady. He failed. He stuttered.

The girls stopped talking. They stared.

Riki didn’t care.

All he cared about was fixing whatever problem Sunoo had.

“Can you give me feedback on the storyline I want to focus on?”

Riki was stunned but didn’t show it. He knew how it felt to be under a spotlight. He wouldn’t do that to Sunoo.

He wouldn’t make him feel small, or stupid, or useless.

“Sure.”

Sunoo dragged his chair to the back, sitting across from Riki. He turned his sheet around, silently asking Riki to read it.

“I’m not that good at English, but…”

“Don’t lie to yourself,” Sunoo said softly. “I know you’re good with languages. Don’t sell yourself short.”

Riki eyed him. Sunoo’s cheeks were turning pink.

“Okay.”

He read the story. It wasn’t long, just a few lines—but it hit hard.

The man was told he could only come inside if he found the homeowner’s daughter. But when he returned, she told him this was the house where her parents had died.

No ending. The pencil had trailed off.

“Hyung.”

“Is it bad?”

“It’s very good, hyung.”

Riki smiled.

“Your idea is really good. It was easy to follow.”

“So you’re saying it wasn’t complicated enough to be great?”

Riki had noticed—Sunoo never smiled in school. Once, maybe, after lunch together. But never in front of others.

Only his eyes had shimmered back then.

“You know what I mean,” Riki defended. “It’s a good storyline. Unexpected. Interesting. Better than mine.”

“Don’t say that,” Sunoo said, sliding his paper toward Riki. A silent ask.

“Fine.” Riki passed his sheet over.

Sunoo scanned it. He didn’t say anything about Riki’s messy handwriting.

“I like it.”

Sunoo rubbed his ears.

“Do you?”

“Yes. I wouldn’t lie.”

“But it’s stupid. It’s complicated.”

“Complicated isn’t bad. Love is always complicated. Love stories are the definition of complexity.”

Sunoo looked at the page again.

“It’s a good story. I hope they’ll get a happy ending.”

Riki smiled.

“They will.”

Chapter Text

English felt like a blur. The second Sunoo had quieted down and continued writing his text, Riki felt like they were in their own little bubble. He barely heard any other voices, except for the occasional little sentences Sunoo spoke out loud. Not to Riki, but to himself—Riki did find it quite amusing, though.

Like when he was trying to find the right translation for the word space. Sunoo knew it was something that started with an s, but he just couldn’t remember. He kept whispering s words to himself, oblivious to the fact that Riki could hear him. He did come up with it after a few tries, but he didn’t know that Riki’s insides were burning because of him.

Then, Sunoo tried to improve the structure of his sentence. He kept changing up some words, whispered the sentences to himself, but nothing seemed to stick. He eventually asked Riki, who of course gave him the right answer.

“See?” Sunoo asked. “I told you you’re good with languages.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Riki dismissed it with a slight blush.

•

Lunch was served.

It was mostly the usual—white rice, soup, side dishes. But today, chicken cutlet was also on the menu. Sometimes, apparently, they changed it up.

Sunoo was interested. He knew that chicken wasn’t that heavy in calories, especially chicken breast. It was a good protein source, which was a great way to avoid any type of embarrassment he risked facing due to his usual stomach grumbles.

He grabbed a tray.

A bowl of soup broth. Vegetable broth. Maybe around 70 calories.

A bowl of white rice, one of Sunoo’s biggest enemies and fear foods. 130 calories. 260 if it was 200 grams. Sunoo wasn’t sure how many grams the bowl was, but to play it safe, he decided on 200 calories.

Some kimchi. He wasn’t the biggest fan of side dishes. He used to ignore the amount he ate, not giving them a second thought before swallowing. Now, he knew better. He knew that even the small portions mattered.

He did end up getting some kimchi. 20 calories, maybe.

And now the chicken. One piece of chicken. One whole chicken breast cutlet. He decided to label it as 150 calories in his inner calculator.

440 calories. He rounded it up to 450. Maybe 500?

That was a lot for him. Sunoo was getting a bit shaky.

It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s one meal. One meal. You’re walking back home today. No taking the bus.

Sunoo turned around. The cafeteria was full again.

He held back the urge to groan. Or sigh. Or give any type of reaction. He knew the school cafeteria was always busy.

He shot a glance toward Riki. The boy was finishing up his own tray. Sunoo almost smiled, the memory of them walking out together burned in his brain.

Where would he sit? Sunoo’s usual table was taken. He didn’t want to eat outside today—it was a bit cloudy, and cloudy weather always made Sunoo feel a tightening around his heart.

Should he risk it all?

Riki was still scanning the sweets while Sunoo was scanning the cafeteria. It only made sense that he would sit with them, wouldn’t it?

He made the first move. Heavy steps. Heavy, long steps.

The table was full. Jungwon was already staring at Sunoo through his eyelashes. Jay, sitting across from him next to Heeseung, paid no mind to him, as his back was turned toward the boy.

Sunoo took a deep breath in and placed his tray next to Heeseung’s. He took one last wobbly step and sat down.

The obvious stares had multiplied. Jay turned to Heeseung, then to Jungwon. No one said a thing, but everyone was thinking the same thing.

“Guys, Mrs. Hwang gave me some yogurt!” Jake had suddenly appeared in front of Sunoo. He took a seat next to Jungwon. “Oh—Sunoo? Joining us today?”

Sunoo smiled shyly. “If it’s okay.”

“Of course it’s okay,” Jungwon replied fast, serious, looking into Sunoo’s eyes like he was searching for something.

“Well, Sunoo. Strawberry or vanilla?”

“Huh?”

“Pick one. Like I said, Mrs. Hwang gave me some yogurt.” Jake smiled, offering small yogurt bowls. Some were pink, some were white. One was brown. “The chocolate one is for Niki. He loves chocolate.”

“Oh, uhm,” Great. Just great. “Strawberry, please.”

“Of course.” Jake gave him a pink yogurt bowl as Riki found his seat next to him, across from Sunoo.

Riki was, well, shocked to say the least. He hadn’t expected Sunoo to come by their table that soon and that easily, but to not scare him off like a pigeon, he stayed quiet. He hoped it was because of their interaction during English that Sunoo had decided it was safe. That Riki was safe.

“Riki, here.”

“What’s that?” Riki asked, accepting the yogurt Jake had offered.

“Chocolate yogurt. Well, just Greek yogurt with some cacao powder. They had one last chocolate, so I grabbed it for you.”

“Why?”

“Because you love chocolate?” Jake replied, amused. “Are you good, bro?”

Riki’s insides had gone warm. He didn’t think anyone was listening and remembering little details about him, despite being friends. He thought they heard, but didn’t listen.

And once again, he had underestimated his new friends.

“Thank you, hyung.” He smiled.

Riki glanced at Sunoo, who was staring at his tray. It was obvious the older one felt a bit uncomfortable. A bit intimidated by his position. He was sitting with people he knew, but it was new. He had mentioned he was used to spending his lunches alone—under the tree or at the table that was furthest away, right next to the exit—and sitting with others was a sudden first step. Toward what, he didn’t know.

Riki was happy. He was content.

Sunoo was not.

In fact, Sunoo had never been more stressed.

He was sitting with a lot of boys. Six boys in total. One he had known for ages. He had spent the majority of his school life next to that boy. He had spent weekends at the boy’s house, watching movies together, laughing together, crying together. He had listened to the boy’s yearnings for another boy who was sitting next to him. Now, they were nothing but strangers with shared memories.

The other boy was a new experience. He had never felt so seen, so listened to. He had never wanted to be wanted this badly by another boy before, and it was scary and new, almost impossible to ignore. The feelings were eating him up from the inside out.

The other three boys he was also familiar with. Sunoo had spent so many years in the same class as the three same-aged boys, yet he had completely forgotten what they were like. It had only been a year, but so much had passed. So many new memories were made. So many starved brain cells were begging for food to keep memories alive, but it felt like Sunoo was drowning.

A new boy. The oldest boy, the big-brother figure. He only knew of Sunoo, but he was never around. He knew of Sunoo and decided to stay kind to him. Like he deserved it.

But Sunoo wasn’t only sitting with six boys—he was also sitting with the devil in disguise. He was sitting next to a pink devil, a pink, tasty devil. A devil heavier than any other.

Sunoo guessed the amount of yogurt that could fit in that little bowl was approximately 30g. For good measure, and to avoid guilt, he rounded it up to 50g just in case. If it was the 0.1% fat yogurt Sunoo always bought, it would’ve been around 20 calories. Maybe 25? But Sunoo knew this school would never get their students anything healthy, so he guessed it was the 10% fat one. But there’s a catch. Jake had mentioned that Riki’s yogurt was actual Greek yogurt mixed with cacao powder. So Sunoo’s couldn’t have been a mixture. It wasn’t Greek yogurt mixed with strawberry extract or whatever. It was strawberry yogurt.

The calories of strawberry yogurt could vary. A lot. He remembered the ones his mother used to get when Sunoo ate normally. They had around 116 calories per bowl. Another brand she used to get had 125 calories per 100g.

This one was 50g, but Sunoo didn’t know the brand. There was no way of knowing.

If he were alone, he would’ve walked up to the kitchen staff and simply asked.

But now he wasn’t. He was with a friend group he had decided were okay. They were harmless.

He wasn’t about to embarrass himself in front of them.

“If you don’t want strawberry, you can switch it with my banana one, Sunoo.”

A voice. He looked up—bright boba eyes were looking at him. Was that concern in the pupils? No. Yes. No.

Banana was healthy. It had a lot of—what was it—potassium. Sunoo didn’t know exactly what that was, but it sounded good.

But he knew that banana was heavier in calories than strawberry.

“I’m good with strawberry,” he simply replied, Heeseung nodding a little.

He had to eat. He had to.

Sunoo picked up the spoon slowly. It was a small spoon, which made the whole situation even worse.

Big spoon meant the bites looked smaller. Little spoon meant the bites looked huge.

Just eat, dammit. They’re staring at you.

They weren’t.

Everyone knew Sunoo had issues with eating. No one looked up—they all gave him the space he desperately needed.

How could he sit here and struggle with the one thing they offered? Jake had offered him a chance to enter the friend group, and here he was, making a fool of himself.

EAT.

Sunoo took a bite. The yogurt was smooth. It wasn’t runny, it wasn’t one of the disgusting types. It was smooth and tasty.

It tasted like real strawberries. There wasn’t anything artificial about it. And since it tasted so good, it must’ve meant it was a good brand.

Sunoo calculated around 150 calories.

•

Riki hadn’t seen Sunoo in a while. After lunch, the boy had just… disappeared. They returned to class together, but Sunoo had left a few minutes after class had started. Riki guessed it was probably to go to the bathroom, but he wasn’t sure.

Riki was worried.

He knew people who struggled a lot with their self-image and eating had the habit of, well… throwing up. He knew it was a way to take control. He didn’t want to assume anything, but quite frankly, he was scared.

Riki stood up. He walked to the front of the class where two students were standing, completing math tasks on the board for the teacher. He grabbed a tissue, acting like his nose was runny, and exited the classroom.

Then, he sprinted.

He passed by several classrooms, not really caring that some of the doors were open. All he wanted was to get to that damn bathroom.

And he did.

A second later, he was standing in front of the boys’ bathroom, his palm on the door handle. Was it okay for him to enter, assuming Sunoo was behind the door?

Riki didn’t care.

He opened the door slowly and peeked in.

There he was.

Kim Sunoo, right across from the door. Sitting down, knees up, his arms on top. His face was hiding behind his elbows, and if Riki didn’t know any better, he’d think he was sleeping. He wasn’t. He was just there, breathing slowly, waiting.

Riki entered the bathroom and shut the door behind him, praying that no other student suddenly decided they had to go pee at that moment. He used the tissue he had taken with him as a door blocker, placing it under the empty space between the door and the floor.

Then he turned around to face Sunoo.

He didn’t know if he should say something before stepping in. “Sunoo-hyung?”

Sunoo tensed for just a millisecond. Then he relaxed again.

Riki took it as a good sign. One step, two steps, three. He stood in front of the older one, looking down.

“Sunoo-hyung,” he tried again. “Are you okay?”

Sniffling. Turning.

Sunoo hugged himself tighter. “Yes.”

Riki knew it was a lie.

Strike one.

“Do you want me to leave?” he asked instead.

Sunoo looked so small, hugging himself like a little bug. It made Riki’s stomach turn.

“Yes,” Sunoo sniffled. “No.”

Riki sighed quietly. Not out of annoyance, but out of desperation. 

“I can stay, if you want me to.”

Sunoo slowly raised his head. Just enough to look at Riki’s shoes. Suddenly Riki felt self-conscious about them. Were they too dirty? Too clean? Maybe too old? Did they have any scratches?

“Can you just…” Sunoo stuttered. “Sit.”

Riki didn’t have to be told twice.

He mirrored Sunoo’s posture. Sunoo himself returned his face to its hidden place, but Riki decided on leaning to the side—just to keep an eye on him.

It was quiet again.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked. Sunoo shook his head slightly, as best as he could, his hair messy and unbrushed. “Okay.”

And then they sat there. Together, next to each other, each in their own worlds. Riki didn’t feel the need to return back to class or to rush them through anything. He just wanted to stay there with the boy who had been living in his head since the day their eyes locked for the first time.

“I’m sorry.”

That startled him. “About what?”

“I’m sorry I can’t be normal about these things.”

Riki’s eyes softened. The yogurt.

“I’m sorry.”

“About what?”

“I’m sorry you feel the need to apologize for it,” Riki replied. “I’m sorry your struggles go unnoticed.”

Sunoo turned his face to Riki.

His eyes were red, watery. His nose looked the same. “I’m sorry that I ruined lunch.”

“You didn’t,” Riki replied fast. “Everything went fine. They didn’t notice.”

“You did.”

Riki looked deep into Sunoo’s eyes. The left one, the right one, the left one, the right one. He eyed the beauty spots under his eye, just under his eyebrow, and on his cheek. The soft, rosy cheek that rarely felt the pressure of a smile.

“I did.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s you,” Riki whispered. “You could hide it in the depths of the ocean, but I would still notice.”

Sunoo smiled.