Chapter Text
After a few weeks, Chrissie's situation was no longer the best, and they were concerned that she might be about to pass away. It was heartbreaking. Roger needed to stay strong for the children and also for Brian, but seeing her in that situation was too much for him.
Chrissie looked out at the garden from his rocking chair while Jimmy slept in his lap at her bedroom, doing her best to stay in touch with him and Louisa as much as possible, feeling happy that she had been given this chance to say goodbye to them properly.
Roger knocked twice on the door and walked in, getting her attention.
- Would you like me to put him to sleep in his crib? You've been holding him for over an hour, and I know how heavy this fluffy little thing is. - he whispered, making her smile.
- Yes, it will be better. - she close her eyes and keep Jimmy in her arms for a few seconds, kissing the top of his head before hanging him over.
Roger was already used to that.
Whenever she picked up her son, she said goodbye to him as if she would never see him again. And it was very wise of her, because someday that would be true.
- I'll be right back!
He walked away with the baby. Chrissie nodded before looking back at the garden, feeling sleepy from the medication, catching nurse'sattention, who had been watching her the whole time.
- Are you feeling bad?
- No, I'm fine! It's just... the usual sleepiness and a little nausea.
- Don't you want to go back to bed? You've been in this position for hours and that can cause nausea.
- No, I'm fine, don't worry!
Roger came back and approached them, concerned to see nurse's face.
- Are you feeling bad?
- No, I'm fine! Please, have a sit! I want to talk to you. David, could you leave us alone for a few minutes?
- Yes, sure!
- Did I... do something wrong? - he asked worriedly, sitting down in front of her and feeling nervous because he didn't know what she wanted to talk about.
- No, you didn't do anything wrong. Quite the contrary, you 're the best thing that ever happened to our family, and I'm so happy about that little mistake on your first day here.
- Oh! Well, I'm also happy about that misunderstanding. - he smiled weakly, feeling his chest tighten as he realised what she was doing. - When I met you, I didn't know I would end up feeling like part of the family.
- Yes, you are part of the family. And you do such a good job! I want to thank you for being so patient with my babies, for providing for their needs when I couldn't.
- No need to thank me for that. I did it all with love. You have wonderful children and should be proud of them.
- I am proud! Very proud. - she takes his hands, which he brings closer so she doesn't have to strain. - And I also want to thank you for being there for Brian during this time, for being a friend to him, for the conversations...
- I know, I'm happy to help. - he looks away and she makes him look at her again.
- You're a good person, Roger. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to have the family you want, and we both know you shouldn't waste this opportunity. It's like you said, it's hard to find a good man these days. Brian isn't perfect. He has many flaws, just like you and me... but he's a dedicated family man. He's a great partner, he was just with the wrong person.
- Please, don't say that...
- You and I both know it's true. But... what I mean is... I'm a little relieved to know that he'll be in good hands. I mean, I don't want to pressure you into anything, but... if you decide to give yourself a chance to be happy, take good care of my family. Take good care of him, because he deserves to be happy. Just like you.
- Ma'am...
- I'm so happy to know that he'll have that chance, and that's why I'm not afraid to die.
Roger smiles weakly and caresses her hands.
- You don't need to be afraid. And don't worry, because I'll do everything I can to make sure they're okay. And depending on how things turn out, I'll make him very happy! And I don't even need to say anything about Jimmy and Louisa, I already consider them my children. I don't think I could live without them anymore.
- And they couldn't live without you either. Louisa needs validation and... I see how you make her feel, that's very important. I hope she becomes a great woman, different from her mother.
- You are a great woman! A wonderful mother! A wonderful wife! You gave birth to a healthy child without even knowing you were ill. Do you realise how powerful that is? What's more, I know it wasn't easy, that you went through a lot, but I want you to know that your legacy will be remembered with great affection. I will do everything I can to make sure Jimmy and Louisa remember what a warrior you are.
She smiles with tears in her eyes and squeezes his hands.
- I know that! Can you give me a hug?
- God! Of course! - he doesn't hesitate to hug her, taking care not to hurt her, being as sincere as possible, as if he wanted her to heal in that embrace. - I wish I could have more time with you. I'm an only child and I feel like we're siblings. That was very important to me.
- It was important to me too. - she smiles with tears in her eyes, and he wipes away one that falls unintentionally.
- Could you... call David for me? I want to lie down and... I'd like Louisa to come and spend some time with me.
- Of course! But I can help you. - he helps her lie down and feels sorry for her when he sees her grimace in pain, arranging the pillow behind her head and then stepping back. - I'll be right back!
Chrissie was left alone and smiled, feeling good about the conversation they had. She felt she had done the right thing, as she had to leave her family in good hands.
Louisa had been with her mother for some time, and Roger peeked in on Jimmy before seeing them lying in each other's arms, a beautiful but sad scene.
He goes downstairs and notices the office lights is on, which means Brian was there. He knocks twice on the door and is greeted with a smile.
- Did something happen?
Roger walks towards him and hugs him, wanting to feel a little better. Brian gets worried, already thinking that the worst could have happened.
- Is... she okay?
- Yes, she's fine! - he breaks the hug and wipes his eyes, giving a weak smile to him. - She wanted to spend some time alone with Louisa, but we had a talk first.
- A talk?
- Yes, and I think she wanted to say goodbye to me.
Brian looks at him sadly and swallows the lump forming in his throat.
- Are you... sure about that? Did she tell you she was feeling something or...
- No, she just... told me a few things, that she was happy to have met me and asked me to take care of the children... it was a very emotional conversation and I had to hold back so I wouldn't cry in front of her.
- Yeah, I don't know what I'll do when the time comes. We've been preparing for a while, but I feel like it will never be enough. Sometimes I wake up scared in the middle of the night, look over to see if she's breathing or... she wakes up feeling sick, in severe pain...! I hate to say this, but I think it would be better if she went as soon as possible, so she wouldn't suffer anymore.
Roger starts crying again and hugs him, being hugged back again.
- It's okay! Everything will be fine!
- I'm a lost cause! I'm the one who should be supporting you and making you feel less anxious.
- Don't worry about me. And if you need a few days off, I'll understand.
- No, I can't be away for that long! And I couldn't stay away from here, I'd go crazy! I need to be close to you all the time and help with whatever I can. - he said more to himself and received a smile from Brian, who hugs him again and keeps his body pressed against his for a while, until he looks up. The difference in height between them was huge.
Brian couldn't resist looking at his lips and took them at once. But leading the kiss slowly, while letting his hands slide down his body, squeezing him in all the right places, making him smile against his soft lips.
- We'd better stop...
- Yeah! I know! Would you like to have dinner with me? I don't want to interrupt Chrissie's time with Louisa, but I don't want to eat alone.
- Sure! And you need to eat, come on! - they both leave the office and have dinner together in comfortable silence. Roger knew he wasn't well, that he was worried about Chrissie, but that he was making an effort to eat.
Later that quiet night, after taking Louisa to her bedroom, Brian returned to Chrissie. He lay down beside her carefully, as if afraid of breaking her and wrapped his arms around her before placing a gentle kiss on her forehead.
He could feel her fragile body, her short breaths, and his heart ached as he realised how desperately she was holding on to him. As if, in that gesture, she was begging him never to leave her.
And that's what happened! Brian held her in his arms and they spent the whole night sleeping in each other's arms.
Until he was awakened by the singing of birds and realised it was already daylight.
The room was bathed in pale light, but something seemed different. Chrissie was no longer holding him with the same strength. With a restrained start, he stared at her, and the truth fell upon him like an unbearable weight.
She had gone, peacefully, in her sleep.
For a moment, Brian remained motionless, paralysed by the pain that closed his throat. Then, unable to hold back the tears, he held her close to his chest, cradling her now still body, as if, in this way, he could delay the inevitable and keep her by his side for a moment longer.
Roger was one of the first to wake up, as he followed the children's biological clock.
Sleep was slow to come last night. He was worried that something might happen in the early hours of the morning or Brian could need him.
And after waking up the next day, he thought everything would be fine. At least until he left the room and noticed something different, something heavy in the air.
Sally comes down the stairs with an empty tray, and he already knows that something is wrong when he sees her sad expression.
- Sally, what happened?
- She's gone.
He feels his chest tighten. He was unable to believe it, not knowing what to say or what to think, even though he had been expecting it to happen.
And for most of the day, he did what Brian had asked him to do. He stayed in the room with Louisa, trying to distract her as best he could while he took care of everything. The last thing he wanted was for his daughter to see her mother dead or to be frightened by all the commotion in the house.
But anxiety gripped Roger's chest. All he wanted to know was whether Brian was okay, whether he was able to take care of everything, or whether he needed a hug.
The house had a heavy atmosphere, which was common in that situation. Seeing two men carry his body down in a kind of shroud on a stretcher made his chest ache, and he realised he wasn't prepared for that day.
He was worried about Brian and felt a little anxious when he realised he couldn't show any affection in front of all those people.
Sally follows them to the door and Roger feels reluctant to hug him when he sees her coming back and heading towards the kitchen.
- Do you need me for anything else, Mr. May?
- No. You can go and rest, Sally. It's been a long day and we have a lot to do tomorrow.
- As you wish. - she said before leaving, giving Roger the opportunity to approach and hug him tightly, trying to comfort him.
Brian, who can no longer cry, feels his chest lighten a little as he feels his embrace and allows himself to smile as he feels him caress his hair.
- And the princess? - he asks without breaking contact.
- She knows that something very bad happened to her mother, but she got tired of waiting for an answer and ended up falling asleep.
Brian took a deep breath and let out the air that seemed to be stuck in his lungs.
- How am I going to tell her that her mother is dead? - he asked, making Roger look at him with sorrow and hold his face gently to look him in the eyes.
- Don't think about it now. We'll get through this! I'm with you and I'll help you with anything you need, okay?
He doesn't take his eyes off him and swallows the lump forming in his throat.
- I'll never forgive myself for her death, Roger.
- No, don't say that! It wasn't your fault...
He walks away and Roger feels bad seeing him like that.
- It's okay! I understand. You have every right to feel that way. Just... try not to blame yourself forever, because your children need you.
Brian keeps silent, but nods in agreement.
- Well, it's late and I... do you want me to stay the night? Do you need me for anything else?
- No, you don't have to. You'd better go home, take a shower and try to get some rest. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow. And it's good for you to get away from here for at least one night. The energy in this place is charged. I don't even know if I'll be able to sleep tonight.
- I can stay if you want!
- No, you don't have to. I... need to be alone for a while. I'll see if I can sleep in Louisa's room, she might wake up and want me to tell her what happened.
- Do you already know what you're going to say to her?
- No, but I need to tell her the truth as soon as possible.
- All right, I know you'll do the right thing. Well, I'm going now, but you can call me if you need anything, all right?
- Yes, thank you for everything.
Roger smiled weakly and moved closer to give him another hug, holding back from kissing him, not sure if he would react well. It could be the wrong time for such a gesture,so he decided to wait and see what he would do about them from then on.