Chapter Text
(??? POV)
“So that was how my 8th grade and freshman year went…” Tommy looked down at the table, “quick question,” Tom looks at me, waiting for my response, “why were you looking at sam’s tiktok, i feel like it’s important… especially his…” the words stop in my throat “history with you…” Tommy looks away as he rubs the back of his neck, “I missed him, I missed him a lot…” I sigh at that response “does he miss the drugs, starving, and cutting or does he actually miss sam…” I think to myself, but as I learned… if it stays a thought, nothing good will come from it… “what do you miss about Sam…” I try to not accuse Tom of everything I fear he’s doing, “I don’t know… probably I just want someone to be around, and he might have been the closest thing to blame…” oh thank god, “was only those two years bad?” his face saddened, “no, not at all” silence deafens us for a moment, “wanna talk about it?”
(Tommy’s POV)
It’s my sophomore year, and on the bus, I see someone I have missed, Boomer. We instantly befriend each other again like we haven’t seen each other in decades.
I’ve been trying to get into sculpture and pottery, but to no avail, even to this day. Most of my classes are suitable, minus sociology and world history… social studies are not my weak point, but the teachers are, my social studies teacher is an ableist prick (despite working with disabled students), he was publicly hated, any comment he said would make twitter users foam at the mouth out of anger, and I learned in Creative writing that every time he would make a homophobic remark, one of techno’s friends would look at me for a second (I DIDN'T EVEN TELL THEM I WAS GAY, THEY COULD TELL OFF OF VIBES?!). I had some good moments with him; he promised to show me how to do a card trick in senior year… but I feel like I’m going to die before then, or I’m just going to learn it myself…
And my world history teacher seems no different, despite seeming cool with him and only having one semi-good moment when he said 'juice' as I was throwing my juice container away. But countless amount of times he didn’t give me the assignment… I'm sure it was because I sat alone… why does it seem like nobody is interested in being near me…
My other classes are cool, and the teachers are cool. Creative writing, though, is the one I want to talk about. When I first entered, I saw a face that I knew, Techno! he was here!!! I sat next to him, and that’s when he noticed me. Turns out he doesn’t have classes with Quackity, and neither do I. That's a bit sad to me now, a year later. Techno and I became the best of friends, and it was all fun. One day, we were talking about which crayon flavor was the best, then one kid joined us, his name is Purpled, and he also knew what Danganronpa was (not in the fandom at that time, but still). I made what I believe (even now) are my best works when writing, and some of the most horrific and brain-rotted sentences known to Jesus Christ himself. The one I'm referring to was written when 2022-2023 humor was peak, it had Grimace Shake, Among Us, and an oldie, Undertale. Even writing what it contained makes me cringe and shrivel up like a baby eating a lemon (or attempting to eat one). One of my favorites was when Purpled, Techno, and I had to write over exaggerations of people we know. Techno was seen as a Burger King worker because it was his job at the time, Purple kept quoting fucking Weezer and left his Hamilton copy in a grandmother's grave (long story), and I was seen as a scene kid in the Undertale fandom (still am).
This felt like my best year yet, all four of my friends, Wilbur, Techno, Purpled, and Boomer, this is the best time of my life for 15-year-old me. Compared to the hell that 8th grade was, I might be better… minus anorexia kicking my ass…
Mentally, I’m messed up…I remember once sneaking where my scale was, completely stripping naked so my clothes didn't mislead my mind, and seeing my weight at its lowest… and I felt bliss, it felt like seeing glass shatter, a Jenga tower fall, like seeing a wrecking ball smash down a brick wall in slow motion, it was a fuck up situation that could have caused disaster and death but all i saw was success…
I also missed Tubbo; he fixed me when I was shattered on the floor, and he would fix me in a way that didn’t hide all the problems that were taboo to talk about with my family. Tubbo would fix me like how the Japanese would fix broken pots, with the cracks shining with gold and not hidden away. Is it something I didn’t do to cause him to leave me behind, to leave me broken beyond repair? I need him, I need him so much, I know I have Wilbur, Techno, Boomer, and I might have purpled, but they all can’t compare to how Tubbo made me feel. I’ve been through hell and back with Tubbo, I’ve talked to him about his father, and he’s talked to me about my brother. We were so close,
And at the end of the semester. One day in Creative Writing, I checked to see if Techno and I shared any classes!
We didn’t… we wouldn’t be near each other anymore… me and Purpled share biology, semester two art, and semester two theatre (I gained a liking for theatre after Clue). But at least we are still friends, Techno and I, talking in Discord! Along with Purpled and Boomer, all will be well. I even got to know another kid Boomer and Purpled befriended, named Antfrost.
All was well,
until the news broke… Sapnap was at my house playing with Dream in the basement, when all of a sudden, he collapsed… turns out he had a heart attack from his ED… for a week after hearing how Sapnap died I felt… weird, like my imaginary world of perfection and talking to myself just vanished, it was only for a week but come on… Even now, I don’t know why that happened. I fucking hate the man. Why do I feel horrible that he was gone, even though it was just a second?
Life continues with that piece of news, and with the rules of this world, he gets revived. I feel relieved? I still don’t know why…
Aside from my school life, things have been happening in my home life. In October, Dream got kicked out… yeah, it's a long story, after months of disrespect (or years?), he finally said that Mom and I were stupid and crazy for something so stupid, that was the straw that broke the camel's back. He was sent to my dad's house. That night, I heard my mom crying at the bottom of the stairs. My younger brother Grain was comforting her, she kept on saying she felt like she fucked up while raising Dream… why was she saying this to her own son?
(??? POV)
“how’s Wilbur and you going? is Wilbur… enabling any bad behaviors” shit I sound like a therapist… “we’ve been drifting apart… I would see him in the hall and he would see me and we would continue on with life” same happened with me, Wilbur is a puzzle that I believe only Tommy can even grasp the solution to. “I also didn’t know you had a brother,” “I barely talk about him… how’s your life” way better than 8th grade, “I just got rid of the people who didn’t have the best intentions for me” Tommy looks at me like i’m bullshiting, but i’m genuinely not… Sapnap is out of my life… that’s easy to say, especially when he is locked up. I try to change the topic with comedy,
“that was a messed up year”
I try to joke, but it falls flat… Tommy’s face hardened, “…” he stayed silent, “oh no, what did I do, oh no” my mind started racing… What did I do… “Tommy… you good? Do you need anything to calm down?” Tommy breathes in and out shakily “Tom?”
“that was only one semester.”