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“I fucking hate you!” Celeste screamed as tears ran down her cheeks. Her older brother had been pissing her off for weeks now, and when he told her she had to stay in the motel room while he and Sam went out to kill the monster of the week, she snapped.
She was old enough to hunt. Dean said she was still a kid, but she was 15 years old for fuck’s sake. She wasn’t stupid. They had gotten into an argument that got more and more heated until everything boiled over.
“You better watch your damn mouth young lady!” Dean screamed back, taking a step towards her and pointing his finger at her.
“Oh yeah? Or what? You already took away everything from me. I have no friends, you won’t let me hunt, there’s nothing to do in these boring ass motel rooms anyway. So no. I will not ‘watch my damn mouth,’ Dean. You can’t take anything from someone who has nothing left to take away.”
“Oh yeah? Celeste, you’ve crossed a fucking line with me. Dad always said I was too fucking soft with you, and maybe he was right. I get no respect from you!”
“Well maybe I would respect you if you weren’t such a dick all the time.”
“One more word out of your mouth and I swear to God you’ll be tasting soap for the next three days,” he threatened.
Celeste had never seen Dean so angry before. All it did was egg her on. “Oh no, I’m so scared,” Celeste mocked. “Whatever shall I do?” She rolled her eyes and clenched her fists. Dean wouldn’t actually do anything. He was too afraid.
Celeste had to get out of there. He was pissing her off and the walls felt like they were closing in on her. She started to walk towards the door, but Dean put an arm out to stop her.
“Uh uh,” he said. “You’re not going anywhere.”
“You think you can stop me?”
“You know I can.”
“Try it.” Celeste pushed past his arm, and Dean grabbed her by the waist, pulling her back. She growled and kicked his shins, but he didn’t let go.
Then, the door opened and Sam walked in. And Celeste got even more mad. Dean’s grip on her loosened and she pried herself out of his arms.
“The hell is going on here?” Sam asked as he put the groceries down on the counter.
“None of your goddamn business!” Celeste yelled, pushing past him and hitting his shoulder in the process. Sam turned to look at her as she put her shoes on.
“Hey! You do not talk to him like that!” Dean yelled. Sam’s eyes widened as he looked between the two of them.
“Jesus Christ, Dean! You think you can control me? Well guess what? You’re not Dad!”
“If I was Dad your ass would be so sore right now you wouldn’t be able to sit for a fucking week!” he shouted, not even caring that he was bringing up his dad’s abuse like this.
“Oh really? Using our dead father to gilt trip me into thinking you’re such a wonderful parental figure? Dad would never have let it get this far. He would’ve let me go with him on hunts but you’re too much of a fucking pussy to even let me have a gun!”
“Shut up!” Dean yelled. Celeste smiled at him with pure hatred in her eyes as she opened the door. “If you walk out that door-“
“Don’t you ever come back?” Celeste finished his sentence in a fake sweet voice. “That’s mature, Dean. You’re fucking pathetic. Dad would be proud of you.” And with the way she said it, he knew it wasn’t a compliment. With that, she gave him one last smile, and slammed the door behind her.
“That fucking-“ Dean threw the door open and was about to chase after her when Sam put a hand on his shoulder.
“Let her go.”
Dean shrugged him off. “The fuck you mean let her go? She needs to learn how to show me some fucking respect!”
“Dean. Calm down.”
“I’m not-“
“She didn’t even take a jacket. She’ll be back, you know she will. Now what the hell is going on with you two?”
“She’s being a stubborn bitch.”
“Don’t call her that,” Sam reprimanded.
“Oh fuck off, Sammy.” Dean rolled his eyes and crossed his arms across his chest. “She just…she never fucking listens to me. I’m her brother, she’s supposed to do what I tell her.”
Sam was quiet for a moment before he responded. “Dean…she’s…I mean…you’re not her dad.”
“No shit Sherlock.”
“No, I just mean that sometimes you treat her like she’s your kid when she’s not. And before you say anything I get that you’re her legal guardian and I get that we’re the only ones here to raise her, but…she doesn’t want that from you. She wants to be your sister, not your daughter.”
“I don’t treat her like my daughter.”
“Dean. We both do and you know it.”
Dean sighed. Sam was right. “Why won’t she listen to me? Why does she have to be so difficult?” All the fight had gone from Dean’s voice. Now, he just sounded tired.
“She wouldn’t act this way if Dad was here, no way. She feels safe with you. So she talks back and yeah, it’s rude and annoying and she shouldn’t, but take that as a win. She’s not afraid of you.”
“Well maybe she should be,” he muttered.
Sam was silent for a little while.
“Remember when I was 16 and I wouldn’t do what he said on that hunt with the kitsune? Remember how you got hurt because of me?”
“It wasn’t-“
“And do you remember how after that, I never said anything to Dad? Do you remember how I was quiet and kept my head down and said ‘yes, sir’ and ‘no, sir’ and didn’t challenge his decisions?”
“Sam why are you bringing this up…” Dean said awkwardly, picking at his nails.
“Because, Dean. I was afraid of Dad. You were afraid of him too. And yeah, I was more like Celeste than you were when we were kids, and yeah, I was kind of a bitch about everything, but the only time I ever talked to him like that was when I left for Stanford. Because I wasn’t afraid anymore. She’s trying to get you to leave her. She’s trying to piss you off so bad that she would understand if you didn’t love her anymore.”
“What?” Dean was incredibly confused. How could someone feel all that? It made no sense.
“What I’m trying to say is that you need to forgive her.”
Dean scoffed. “No way. You can’t go easy on her, okay, there is no reason for her to speak to me like that.”
Sam sighed and shook his head. “You’re right. I don’t mean let her off the hook. I mean tell her she’s grounded for a month or whatever the hell you want, but make sure she knows that you’re not ever going to give up on her. No matter how difficult she gets.”
“How do you know all this?” Dean asked.
Sam laughed. “Uh…Jess. She was a psych major. Helped me through a lot of stuff with Dad…I learned a lot about parent child relationships from her. We were actually-“ he cut himself off suddenly and swallowed. “Nevermind. Just…let her know that you’ll never leave her, okay?”
“Sam, she knows that already.”
“No, Dean, she doesn’t. She’s been acting like this for so long because she feels like she doesn’t deserve to be loved. She feels like if she acts out enough then we won’t love her anymore and she’ll finally get what she deserves.”
“What the- what? That doesn’t make any sense, she doesn’t think-“
“Dean, just stop, okay? Trust me. Please. I know what I’m talking about. And I would talk to her but it would mean a lot more coming from you.”
Dean stared at Sam for a minute and deflated. “Okay. Yeah. I guess I’ll talk to her.”
—
Celeste came back to the motel 3 hours later. Sam had been trying to call her for the past 2, but she didn’t pick up. They were starting to worry when she walked in.
But there was something different about her. She wasn’t wearing the clothes she wore when she left. Instead, she was in a jean miniskirt and a cropped t shirt that hugged her breasts and showed way more than her brothers were comfortable with.
But that wasn’t what really shocked the boys. It was the new piece of jewelry in her belly button. Silver with blue gems on the top and bottom.
Celeste kept her face composed as she kicked her shoes off and walked into the bathroom without a word. Sam and Dean just stared at each other, too shocked to speak.
When she came out of the bathroom, flipping her hair over her shoulder and swinging her hips slightly, Dean spoke up.
“What the hell are you wearing?”
Celeste stopped and looked at him like he was stupid. “Clothes.”
“Barely,” Sam said. Celeste rolled her eyes and started digging around in her duffle bag.
The boys looked at each other, unsure of what to do next. Sam decided he would try to talk to her since she was pissed at Dean.
“Where did you go?”
“Out.”
Sam sighed. This was going to be difficult. “Out where.”
“Just out.”
It had only been a few minutes and Sam’s patience was already running thin. “Okay you’re gonna need to give me a better answer to that.”
“Oh great so now I have two overbearing parents who won’t leave me the fuck alone.” She rolled her eyes and turned her back to Sam.
“Don’t swear. And look at me when I’m talking to you,” Sam added on, growing more angry by the second. He didn’t even do anything and she was acting like this to him? He had to remind himself that it wasn’t his fault. He knew what was going on. He just needed to get her to talk.
Dean piped up, too. “Change your damn clothes while you’re at it. Now.”
She ignored him and crossed her arms, staring at Sam.
“Where’d you get that shirt?” He asked.
“A store.”
“Did you steal it?”
“Duh.”
“Celeste.”
“Oh like you’ve never stolen anything in your life.”
Sam ran a hand down his face. “Jesus,” he whispered. “And you got something pierced.” He nodded towards her and lowered his eyes to her stomach where a belly button piercing was.
“Mmhm.”
“Where’d you get that done?”
“A tattoo parlor.”
“Don’t you have to be 18 to get a piercing by yourself?”
Celeste shrugged.
“Celeste. We all know that you’re being difficult on purpose. I just want you to talk to me.”
“Tough, because I don’t want to talk to you.”
Now that felt personal. “Celeste what did I even do?” Sam said sadly.
She shrugged. “Don’t care. You’re both assholes.”
Dean stood up and clenched his fists. Sam kicked his foot and he sat down again. Celeste smiled. “Awww Dean, listening to Sam like a little puppy. How cute.”
“I’m gonna break your fucking nose you bitch,” Dean yelled, not thinking about his words before they were out of his mouth.
Celeste grinned and stepped forward. “Do it.” Now he was speaking like a brother, and she loved it.
Dean stood up so fast that his chair flew across the room. Sam put a hand on Dean’s chest and gave him a look. “Stop it, both of you!”
“No. You know what? I’m leaving. I only came back to piss and get my shit,” Celeste said.
“Nuh uh. You’re not going anywhere,” Sam said, standing up and blocking the door. “Sit down. We’re talking.”
“Get out of my way, Sam.”
“I said sit. Down.” His voice was low and gravelly. It scared Celeste for half a second, but she stood her ground.
“No.”
Sam sighed. “Fine. I’m going to talk and you’re going to listen, do you understand me?”
Celeste scoffed and crossed her arms but dropped her bag onto the floor. “Yes, sir,” she mumbled with an eye roll.
“I know what you’re doing. You’re trying to get us to leave. You’re trying to get us to be disappointed in you to a point where we no longer want you around. And that’s not happening. You’re being a dick to us because you hate yourself. It’s not fair. You can’t take out your anger on us when it’s you that you have a problem with. No matter what you do, we’re never going to leave you. We’ll love you no matter what. There’s nothing you could say or do to make us stop loving you. So please, stop trying. You’re hurting us and you’re hurting yourself. Take a minute and think, Celeste. You’re a smart girl. Don’t let this be something that comes between us. Because nothing will be solved, it’ll only create more problems.”
Something in Celeste broke at his words. Her hands hung by her sides and tears welled up in her eyes. “I hate you,” she whispered.
“I’m sure you do,” Sam said, sighing. “Have you eaten?”
“I…aren’t you mad at me?”
“Yes, Celeste, I’m pissed. Now answer my question, when was the last time you had something to eat.”
Celeste shrugged. “I dunno.”
“Great. Sit down.” He gestured towards the table where Dean was still sitting, watching his siblings in awe. He had no idea how Sam kept his cool so well.
Surprisingly, Celeste did sit down. Sam made her a sandwich and set it down in front of her. “Eat.”
She did.
When she was done, she didn’t say anything. Just pushed the plate away from her half an inch and stared at the table.
“Celeste,” Sam said gently. “Let it out, sweetheart.”
That was all it took for her to crumble. She started to sob. Tears poured down her cheeks and she couldn’t help but be loud as she cried. Sam held her in his arms and Dean stood behind her, stroking her hair until she stopped crying (which took over an hour).
When she was done, Dean kissed her on the top of her head. “Starlight. I love you so much.”
Celeste bit her lip and resisted the urge to cry again. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“We know,” Sam said. “We know you didn’t mean it. But that doesn’t mean you’re off the hook. The shit you pulled today…you’re grounded for a month.”
“Make that two,” Dean added. “And take that damn piercing out.”
“There it is again,” she said. “Ordering me around like I’m your child.”
“Celeste, stop. Neither of us think we’re Dad. I’m your brother. And yes, I tell you to do things and you should do them because I’m raising you and that’s my job. But please don’t look at me like I’m…like I’m Dad,” Dean said.
Celeste was quiet for a moment. “You’re not like him.”
“You didn’t have a problem saying otherwise earlier today.”
“I didn’t mean it.”
“So you’ve said.”
“Come on,” Sam interrupted. “It’s late. C, go to bed. And Dean, as much as I hate it too, she can’t just take that piercing out. It’s not that simple. But you’re not wearing anything like that anytime soon, got it?”
Celeste shrugged. Now she was just too tired to argue.
“Okay. We can talk more about this later. For now, get some rest. We have a monster to hunt tomorrow.”
—
Dean jolted awake as he felt someone shake his shoulder. His fist tightened around the gun under his pillow, but loosened when he saw it was just Celeste.
“Hey, what are you-“ he asked, rubbing his eyes. When he got a better look at her, he saw she was crying. “You okay?”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it, any of it.”
Dean’s heart melted at her tone. He hated hearing her sad like this. She was never this vulnerable, and it hurt him, sweet as it was.
“Oh. Honey, I know.” He grabbed her hand and smiled at her.
“I’m sorry, De.” She hiccuped and lost her breath. It was becoming hard for her to breathe. “De I’m sorry.”
“Hey, Celeste, calm down,” he said, sitting up and taking her other hand. “Sit down.”
“I can’t- I’m s- De I’m-“ she started to hyperventilate, and Dean squeezed her hands.
“It’s okay, C. Sit down. Breathe.”
“I’m sorry!”
“Hey shhhh it’s okay, sweetheart. It’s okay, just breathe for me okay?”
Celeste sat on the edge of his bed and worked through her tears. When she was done crying, she looked him in the eyes. “I really am sorry. For…for saying those things. And for being so difficult. Sam was right. I just feel so…so angry. All the time. And it’s not even…I’m not even angry at you, I just can’t…I don’t know how to deal with it. And I don’t know where it comes from. It just feels good to get it out and yeah you do make me mad and frustrated so I just take out all my rage on you and I just…everything feels so big.”
“That’s hard,” Dean said. He didn’t know what else to say.
“Dean?” she said after a minute of silence.
“Yeah?”
“Are you…are you mad at me?”
“Well…it’s complicated. Yes and no. Yes because obviously I’m pissed but no because you realized what you did wrong and apologized. And I mean actually apologized. You talked about it instead of pushing it down and acting out even more. So yes, I’m mad, but I’m also incredibly proud of you.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really. I know it’s hard for you to be vulnerable like that. Especially to me.”
“I-“
“No, it’s okay. Sam’s always been better at talking than I have. But he’s also been better at forgiving than I have. I’m glad you came to me with this. It helps me understand.”
“Okay. I’m-“
“Nope. No more sorries tonight. Come here.” He opened his arms and moved over so Celeste could lay next to him. She smiled and laid down on the edge of the bed. “You know I love you, right?” Celeste nodded into his shoulder. “I’m never gonna leave you, baby.”
“Even if I lose what’s left of my mind?” Celeste quoted, and smiled.
“What?”
“Nevermind. I love you too.”
“It’s all gonna be okay. I know it’s hard for you, without Dad around. I mean, maybe it's better without Dad around sometimes, but…you’re right. I’m not him and I’m not trying to be. But it’s more than that. This whole lifestyle…it’s why you…I hate the way this sounds, okay so bear with me, but…it’s why you act out, right? Because you don’t feel normal? Because you feel like maybe if you rebelled like other teenagers your life wouldn’t be so shitty?”
“Gee, thanks, Dean,” Celeste joked.
Dean rolled his eyes. “Oh come on, you know what I mean.”
“Yeah. I know what you mean.”
“So?”
Celeste closed her eyes. “Goodnight, Dean.”