Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

[September 1, 11:03 a.m.]

Bartemius Crouch, Jr. added Evan Rosier, Regulus Black, Dorcas Meadowes , and Pandora Rosier to a group

Bartemius Crouch, Jr. renamed themself to bartyyy

bartyyy renamed Evan Rosier to rosie

bartyyy renamed Regulus Black to reggie

bartyyy renamed Dorcas Meadowes to dork ass

bartyyy renamed Pandora Rosier to the worser ravenclaw

reggie Absolutely not

reggie renamed reggie to Reg

bartyyy LAME

the worser ravenclaw haha

the worser ravenclaw renamed the worser ravenclaw to Panda <3

bartyyy :P

dork ass were is everybody

Reg Where*

dork ass nerd

dork ass stfu

dork ass WHERE are you then nerd

Reg We just got to the station but it’ll take me a minute to lose Sirius

dork ass hurry tf up im in the compatnretyn t already

dork ass comparntet

dork ass c o m p a r t m e n t

dork ass jfc

bartyyy IM COMING DORKY

bartyyy NVM IM GONNA FOLLOW EVAN

bartyyy I DONT THINK HE HAS HIS PHOEN GUYS

Panda <3 Nope he doesn’t

Panda <3 He got it taken away after he tried to sneak out last week

Panda <3 To a Certain Someone’s house

Panda <3 In the middle of the night

Panda <3 I think our parents are gonna give it back to him before we leave tho, they aren’t keen on him not having his phone while he has to take care of me

bartyyy ‘take care of’

bartyyy like pandora rosier needs a babysitter

bartyyy if anything its me who needs a babysitter

bartyyy @rosie should watch me instead

bartyyy HEHEHEEHEHEHEHHEHEEEHEHEHHEHHEEE

Panda <3 Slow down there loverboy that’s my baby brother you’re talking about

bartyyy DORA WHAT

bartyyy ANYWAY IM FOLLOWING THE ROSIERS THEYRE GETTING ON THE TRAIN NOW HEHEHEHE

dork ass wait whos the Certain Someone

dork ass am i missing somth

Reg We are not shortening ‘something’ to ‘somth’

dork ass SAYS U

dork ass LAME ASS MF

Reg Dorcas you’re being very aggressive right now

dork ass NO SHIT

dork ass sorry reggie

dork ass ill go 😞

Reg Dorcas no

Reg Dorcas no

Reg Dorcas no

Reg Dorcas no

Reg Dorcas no

Reg Dorcas no

dork ass OKAY JEEZ STOP SPAMMING

dork ass REGGIE HURRY UP UR THE ONLY ONE MISSING

dork ass UR GONNA MISS OUT ON VALUABLE FRIEND TIME

dork ass GUYS ACTUALLY LOWKEY WE NEED A GROUP NAME

Reg replied to dork ass “REGGIE HURRY UP UR THE ONLY ONE MISSING”

Reg I’m on my way

bartyyy YESSS GROUP NAME

Reg Yeah actually that’s not a bad idea

Reg Sirius and his friends are like ‘the marauders’ or whatever

Reg And Lily and her friends are ‘the valkyries’ or whatever

Reg We just need to be better than both of them

bartyyy HMMMMM

dork ass IS MARLENE INCLUDED IN ‘LILY AND HER FRIENDS’

Reg Gay

bartyyy YES OMG

bartyyy WERE GAY

bartyyy LETS BE THE GAYS

bartyyy NO WAIT THATS LAME

bartyyy THE RAINBOWS

rosie That’s even lamer

bartyyy EAT ME

Panda <3 Yes Evan eat the rainbow

Reg Like Skittles?

dork ass SKITTLES

dork ass EAT THE RAINBOW

dork ass LIKE SKITTLES

dork ass WERE SKITTLES

Reg I would call you clever but that was literally what I just said

dork ass DIE

rosie changed the group name to Slytherin Skittles

bartyyy why slytherin

Panda <3 :(

dork ass @Panda <3 HONORARY SLYTHERIN

dork ass SSSSSSSSSSSSssssfgfjdghngmfcgbnbg

dork ass @bartyyy ur basically a slytherin atp like even the hat wasnt sure

dork ass i bet u could even get into our fuckin dorm

dork ass ur ravenclaw ass was js too smart

dork ass fuckin nerd

Panda <3 <333

bartyyy renamed themself to MY RAVENCLAW ASS WAS JS TOO SM

MY RAVENCLAW ASS WAS JS TOO SM renamed themself to MY RAVENCLAW ASS WAS JS 2 SMAR

MY RAVENCLAW ASS WAS JS 2 SMAR renamed themself to stupid 30 character limit

rosie renamed stupid 30 character limit to Bartemius Crouch Jr

Bartemius Crouch Jr renamed themself to bartyyy

bartyyy LAME

rosie Wait hold up why is my name Rosie

rosie renamed themself to Evan

bartyyy ROSIE UR LAME

bartyyy GUYS SIRIUS JS WALKED BY THE COMPARTMENT

bartyyy AND JAMES

dork ass theres no fuckin way

dork ass he did not js do that

Reg Do what

Evan He just barked

Evan b a r k e d

Evan Fucking barked at them

bartyyy JS AT PETER DW

Reg No.

Reg @bartyyy You did not.

Reg You did not just bark in front of Sirius

Reg Bartemius Crouch Junior

Reg I will kill you

Reg Sirius will never let me live this down.

dork ass renamed bartyyy to barkyyy

Evan renamed barkyyy to All bart no bite

All bart no bite MWAHAHAHAHEHEHAEHAEHEHEHGGHGHUOAUEH

dork ass replied to Reg “ Sirius will never let me live this down. ”

dork ass I HOPE U DONT LIVE

dork ass STOP LIVING

dork ass DIE

dork ass @Reg

Reg Aw guys Dorcas loves me

All bart no bite HAAAA

All bart no bite SHE SAYS NO SHE DOESNT

All bart no bite BUT SHES BLUSHGINGGGG

All bart no bite NOW SHES ATTACKING ME

Reg Oh Dorcas,,, what would Marlene think?

dork ass LITERERARLLY STFU

dork ass BRING MARLENE UP AGAIN AND I KILL U

Reg Barty where are you

Reg I just got to the compartment you’re not here

dork ass AND U DECIDED NOT TO ASK THE PPL IN THE COMPARTNTMENT

Reg Correct

dork ass >:(((

Reg Your retorts are getting weaker, Dorcas

All bart no bite I went to the “loo”

Evan Why are there quotes

Evan Barty why are there quotes

Evan Where did you go

Evan Barty what did you do

Evan Barty

Evan Barty

Evan @All bart no bite

All bart no bite calm down rosie

All bart no bite i js chased down petey

All bart no bite hes too fun to not terrorize

Reg Bartemius

Reg Crouch

Reg Junior

All bart no bite yes regulus arcturus black

Reg That’s it I’m coming to get you

Reg Where are you

All bart no bite take a guess reggie

Reg UGH

Reg I’m walking over now

Reg Just so you know, you suck.

Evan I’m coming too

dork ass wiat where is he

dork ass reg js up and left

dork ass evan did too

dork ass wow guys

dork ass absoltueltyy no explatntation

Panda <3 I think he went to the Marauders’ compartment

dork ass HAAAA HAVE FUN REG

dork ass TELL SIRIUS I SAY HIIII

dork ass ACTUALLY NO

dork ass TELL MARLY I SAY HI
dork ass ACTUALLY DONT DO THAT EITHER
dork ass NVM

dork ass YKW IM JS COMIN OVER THERE

dork ass GIMEE A SEC

Panda <3 I’m staying in the compartment with our stuff

Panda <3 Somebody keep me updated!

Evan I’ve got you Dora

Panda <3 Thank you love

Evan Ofc

[September 1, 11:52 a.m.]

Panda <3 Evan it’s been six minutes what is happening

Panda <3 Evan

Panda <3 Evannnn

Panda <3 @Evan

Panda <3 Where’d you go

Evan Back now sorry

Evan Okay so we were just walking when we left the compartment right

Evan And then Reg hears something (???)

Evan And he TAKES OFF

Evan Leaves me in the dust

Reg I’m not sorry

Evan ANYWAY

Evan So I chase after him right

Evan We get to Barty

Evan Who is standing outside the compartment Pete is in and just sort of

Evan staring???

Evan Like he wasn’t blinking

Evan It was freaky

All bart no bite im freaky

All bart no bite 😛

Evan A N Y W A Y

Evan So Sirius is laughing his ass off

Evan Full on fucking guffaws

Evan Like it’s the most comical thing he’s seen all day

Evan And Reg is frozen

Evan Absolutely fuming

Evan Peter is cowering in a corner

Evan And then Remus walks in

Evan Cause he was like in the loo or something

Evan And his imposing ass stands there looking at us like ‘the fuck’

dork ass justified

Reg Stfu

dork ass :(

Evan So I poke Barty to make sure he’s alive

Evan Because he still hasn’t moved atp

Evan And he whips around to facce Remus

Evan And Remus takes a step back

Evan And then Sirius is on his feet like ‘hey back off’

Evan And Reg goes

Evan “haha gay”

Evan Then the stupid fucking Black brothers both look at POTTER

Evan And Reg turns bright red

Evan Straight up turns around and WLAKS AWAY

Evan WITHOUt me

Panda <3 Aww Reg

Reg Please no

Reg He’s the worst

Reg And he’s friends with Sirius

Reg Barf

dork ass suuure

Evan And anyway I dont actually know where reg went but remus is apparently a prefect and he took barty and i and were going somewhere now and idk where but he walks fast asf

Evan Brb

Evan OKAY BACK BBUT

Evan BARTY IS GONE

Evan HE DISAPEARED

Evan Hey Barty, if you could tell me where you are that would be awesome! Thanks!

All bart no bite There’s no Barty in this group chat, but smart of you to check, Remus!

dork ass fuckin liar

Reg Wait does Remus have Evan’s phone right now

All bart no bite without question

Evan Haha

Panda <3 Evan has never once said ‘haha’ over text

Panda <3 Sorry Remus love

Evan Hey worth a shot

Reg Remus can you tell Sirius to unblock me

Evan Yeah

Reg Thank youuu

dork ass oooooohhh getting cozy w the inlaws

Reg removed dork ass from the group

Panda <3 bitch

Panda <3 YOU CANT GET AWAY FROM ME REGGIE

Reg Give Dora her phone back

Panda <3 NO

Panda <3 SHE GAVE IT TO ME

Panda <3 WERE GOOD

Panda <3 renamed themself to Pandork

Evan Evan says to hold the ship names until Marlene is present ???

Pandork removed themself from the group

All bart no bite added Pandora Rosier to the group

All bart no bite renamed Pandora Rosier to Panda’s phone

Panda’s phone acceptable

Panda’s phone okay so what's happening now

Panda’s phone hellooooooo

Evan Okay guys it's Evan again I’m back

Evan @ Reg Remus says Sirius said he would only unblock you if you stopped your “freaky mate from barking like a buggering dog”

Reg Tell him I say

Reg “how ironic! fuck you”

Evan No tell him yourself

Evan Anyway

Evan Remus was walking me back to the compartment

Evan And then we ran into Barty who had bright green hair for some reason

All bart no bite BLUE

All bart no bite MY HAIR WAS BLUE ROSIE

All bart no bite 🙄

Evan WHATEver

Evan Blue

Evan Same thing

Evan And so Remus fixed it

All bart no bite :(

All bart no bite i liked it

Evan It would look cooler if it was darker

All bart no bite REALLY ROSIE?

Evan Meh

Evan And now Remus is taking Barty and I somewhere but he isn’t talking

Evan We actually are going in the direction of our compartment

Evan Actually Reg where are you

Reg In the compartment

Reg Why

Evan Idk Remus asked

Evan He’s chill right

Panda’s phone Dorcas says yeah; I agree

Reg Yes

All bart no bite yeah hes cool around me at least

Evan Wow when was the last time everyone in this group agreed on something

Evan Landmark occasion

Panda’s phone Stfu

All bart no bite calm down there dorky

Panda’s phone that was dora asshat

Panda’s phone It was capitalized, Barty, you should be able to differentiate between Dorcas and I

All bart no bite fair enough

All bart no bite also no way dork could spell differentiate

All bart no bite diffrentiate

All bart no bite differenteiate

All bart no bite WHAT THE FUCK

All bart no bite HOW DO YOU SPELL IT

Evan Got it right the first time dumbass

All bart no bite >:( 

Evan ANYWAY

Evan I think we’re going back to our compartment

Evan But Remus looks super serious

Panda’s phone added Dorcas Meadowes to the group

Dorcas Meadowes renamed themself to dork ass

dork ass renamed Panda’s phone to Panda

Panda She insisted

Evan Whatever

Evan Welcome back Dork Ass

dork ass ty

Panda I decided to document what happens here because this feels like an important occasion

Panda I’m not sure why but I can just feel it in the air

Panda So we’re all in the compartment now

Panda The SLYTHERIN SKITTLES =D

Panda And also Remus

Panda And he’s looking pretty serious

Reg Haha 'sirius'

Panda Wait guys actually tho is he okay

Panda His hands are shaking

dork ass he looks like hes abt to shit himself

Evan Yeah he’s not looking okay

[September 1, 12:27 p.m.]

Reg Guys oh my fucking god

Chapter Text

[September 1, 1:14 p.m.]

Regulus Black added Remus Lupin, Evan Rosier, Pandora Rosier, Dorcas Meadowes, and Bartemius Crouch, Junior to a group

Bartemius Crouch, Junior renamed themself to Barte

Barte changed the group name to PLANNERSSS

Regulus Black So Remus

Regulus Black renamed themself to Reg

Reg So Remus

Reg Let me go over this one more time

Reg Because honestly I want this in writing

Reg You want my permission to marry my brother

Reg My idiot brother who is annoying and dumb

Remus Lupin renamed themself to Remus

Remus Pretty much, yes

Remus I’ve been in love with him since third year

Remus Merlin this is strange to put in writing

Remus But I’ve been in love with him since we were thirteen and now we’ve been dating for two years and it just feels right

Remus I don’t know

Remus If it’s a stupid idea just tell me and I’ll drop it

Remus The literal last thing I want to do is make him uncomfortable

Remus I know young engagements are a really touchy subject and I know your family was really weird about them

Remus I remember the fiasco with Narcissa

Remus But it really feels right

Remus Idefk I'm freaking out

Reg Okay Remus calm down

Barte I JS WANT TO HELP OLAN A WEDDING

Dorcas Meadowes REAL

Dorcas Meadowes ME TOO

Reg Let's help plan the proposal first maybe?

Barte whatever same thing

Dorcas Meadowes renamed themself to dork ass

Remus Only if you think it’s a good idea

Remus I really just need help on whether or not this is a good idea

Remus I don’t know what I’d do if I messed this up for him

Remus He deserves good things

Remus But if he doesn’t think it’s the right time

Remus Or maybe he isn’t interested in marriage

Remus I will admit it’s a big commitment

Remus But I know I’m ready

Remus But if he isn’t

Remus And maybe I’m not even the person he wants to make that commitment with

Remus Oh God

Reg Remus

Reg Stop

Reg You are not accomplishing anything by spiraling.

Reg Take a breath

Remus You’re right

Remus Sorry

Reg It’s okay

Reg Let me start by saying that if he is even remotely interested in any kind of long term commitment, it will be with you. I have zero doubts about that

Barte lowkey hes right

Pandora Rosier As someone in the same year as Sirius, I agree with Reg here

Barte ive ssen u two together and i like die of cuteness

Barte if he isnt into it then love isnt real

Evan Rosier For once I agree with Barty

dork ass WHOAAA MOMENTOUS OCCASION

dork ass THAT MEANS 100% GO FOR IT REMUS

Remus Are we all sure?

dork ass YES

Barte YESSS

Pandora Rosier Yes!

Evan Rosier Yeah

Reg Yes, Remus. You should do it.

Remus Thank you guys so much

Remus I'm actually tearing up

Remus That's tmi sorry

Pandora Rosier You're fine love

Pandora Rosier This is an emotional moment

Reg We need to plan the perfect time and setup tho

Reg I'm certain he'll say yes regardless but he's a sucker for anything overly romantic

Remus Very true

Remus I really want to bake something for him

Remus But I don't want that to just be me deciding I want something sweet and baking it and then giving it to him as if it's a gift

Remus Because how insincere would that be

Reg I don't think baking anything is the right move for this occasion

Reg Sirius loves silver though

Reg So a silver ring

Reg And I guarantee that he loves one very specific aspect of his boyfriend that a moonstone would be very appropriate, specifically rainbow moonstone

Remus I kind of don't know how to respond to that

Remus Thank you

Remus I truly appreciate that, Regulus

Barte wait what

Reg Not important, Barty

Reg Remus, get him the ring first and foremost

Reg Then take him on a walk at night, under the stars

Reg Go somewhere meaningful with happy memories

Reg But not somewhere that makes you shriek yk

dork ass what

Reg Not important, Dorcas

Remus Regulus thank you

Remus Thank you so much

Remus And this is okay with you?

Evan Rosier He's been crying happy tears for the past fifteen minutes

Evan Rosier I'm surprised he's been so composed over text

Evan Rosier Safe to say he approves

Barte BAHAAAAHAHAHAHAHAA

Barte HE JS THREW HIS PHONE AT ROSIE

Barte BUT IN ALL SERIOUSNESS YEAH HE APPROVES

Barte AND WE DO TOO

dork ass OUR FAV GRYFINDEROR

dork ass <3333

Remus Aww thank you Dorcas

Remus I am also crying happy tears right now

Remus You guys are actually amazing

dork ass DONT TELL ANYONE WE WERE KIND TO U OR U DIE <333

Remus Noted

Remus And thank you again

Remus Regulus are we still on for study group tomorrow? I know it's early in the year but I figure establishing habits might be helpful

Reg Yeah and we can plan a little bit more then

Reg I'm sure this would be easier in person

Reg @Evan Rosier you still in?

Evan Rosier renamed themself to Evan

Evan Yes if that's okay

Remus Of course!

Barte study group without me???

dork ass i feel so fleft out

Reg Neither of you would actually study

Reg I’m not stupid

dork ass but im coming if your planning the thing

dork ass ill narate

Reg Narrate*

dork ass Fuck You!

Reg Okay guys I’m putting my phone down now (like you all should) because Slughorn is telling us to go to the dorms and put stuff away before the feast

dork ass :(

dork ass LAME

dork ass LAME

dork ass LAME

dork ass AHFFdJDhdoO9f83fhfwf/dfgnefvcd>Fd

dork ass HEfeoi

dork ass hfdfdddddddddddddddddddddddddddhffffffffffffffjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnvjfffffffffvvvvvvv,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

dork ass This is Regulus I have Dorcas’ phone I’m hiding it from her goodbye

Chapter Text

[September 1, 4:19 p.m.]

James Potter added Sirius Black , Remus Lupin , and Peter Pettigrew to a group

James Potter renamed themself to Prongs

Prongs renamed Sirius Black to Padfoot

Prongs renamed Remus Lupin to Moony

Prongs renamed Peter Pettigrew to Wormtail

Prongs changed the group name to Marauders

Prongs HI GUYS =D

Prongs this speech is extra boring and im bored but i think minnie would have my head if i started talking

Prongs so texting it is!

Padfoot VALIDDD

Padfoot LOWKEY CANT BELIEVE IT S 6YEAR ALREADY GUYS

Padfoot LIKE I FEEL LIKE JUST YESERDAY I MET REMUS AND NOW HERE WE ARE AFTER THREE FUCKIN YEARS ML

Wormtail 2,,?

Wormtail uv been dating for

Wormtail 2 years,,,,???

Padfoot SAME DIFFERNECE

Moony Basically three

Padfoot EXACLTY MH <333

Padfoot SAME WAVELENGTH

Padfoot LITERALLY SOULMATES

Padfoot I LOVE YOU MY MOONY

Moony I love you more my starlight

Moony <3

Prongs guys your disgusting

Padfoot YOURE JUST JEALOUS

Padfoot DONT LISTEN TO HIM MY MOONY

Padfoot LILY WAS TOO GOOD FOR YOU

Moony Too far, Sirius

Padfoot yeah mb prongs

Padfoot i didnt mean it

Prongs its okay actually

Prongs i was thinking abt it and like, she definitely ddseserved better, but not bc of me

Prongs i mean definity cause of me but

Prongs neither of us were invested in the relationship

Prongs dont get me wrogn shes my bestie (sorry pads)

Prongs but tbh i think my feelings were just friendship in the end

Prongs i think i was forcing it

Prongs like how kids in third grade say they have a crush on that one really hot teacher to fit in

Prongs but also i havent liked a girl in like two years

Padfoot WE LOVE AND SUPRTOT YYOU NO MATTER WHO YOU LOVE PROGNSY <3333

Wormtail omg another gay

Prongs i dont think im gay actually

Prongs bc i have liked girls in the past

Prongs but idk

Moony You might be bi? Or pan?

Moony There’s a lot of different labels

Moony You also don’t need a label unless you feel like it

Padfoot TRUTH

Padfoot YOU CAN JUST BE OUR PRONGS <33

Prongs thanks guys

Prongs wow that was not a revelation i was expecting to have on the first day back lol

Padfoot GUYS MINNIES COMING OVER PUT UR FONES AWAY

Padfoot SHES TAKING MY PHONE

Padfoot BEFORE I GO I NEED yOU TO KNOW

Padfoot REMUS IM IN LOVE WITH YOU

Wormtail padfoot we r literally across the table

Wormtail we can see whats happening

Moony I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU TOO, SIRIUS

Padfoot HAAHEAHHAAAA

Padfoot YOURE HER FAVORTIE REMUS

Padfoot SHE SAAW THAT TEXT AND HANDED IT BACK

Wormtail again we are right here and can see u

Padfoot LOSER

Padfoot MAYBE IM WRITING IT DOWN SO WE CAN READ IT GAAIN ONE DAY

Padfoot WHEN WERE ALL OLD AND GREY AND MARRIED AND WE LIVE IN DIFFERNT HOUSES

Padfoot ILL MISS YOU PRONGSY

Padfoot AND YOUT OO WOMRY

Moony But you won’t miss me :(

Padfoot NO DUMBASS WERE GONNA LIVE TOGETHER

Padfoot unless you dont want to, i mean i hadnt really actually thought about it

Padfoot and obviously were still in sixth year so you have time to think about it

Padfoot and we don’t even have a place in mind yet

Padfoot but obviously if you dont want to

Moony Sirius I’m in love with you

Padfoot weve got time to decide

Padfoot well im in love with you too my moony

Moony I would love to live with you once we’re out of school

Moony We already live together now and it would be amazing to be able to live with you forever

Wormtail GROSSSSS

Wormtail GEt OUT OF THE MAian chATTT

Prongs BOOOO

Prongs WE SHOULD ALL LIVE TOGETHER IN AN APARTMENT BLDG

Padfoot I love you, Moony

Moony I love you, Padfoot

Prongs guys theyre abt to release gryffindor we should get off our phones

Chapter Text

[September 2, 1:15 p.m.]

Reg Okay I’m going to the library for study group with Remus, who’s coming?

dork ass meee

Evan I’m doing something with Barty but thank you for the invite!

Barte GOING ON MY FIRST DATE OF THE SCHOOL YEAR HEEHAHEHAHEGEHEGEHEUEU

Barte besides i dont need to study

Barte but thanksssss

Evan Dora left her phone in her dorm but she says she’s busy, thanks anyway

Evan She’s going on a date with Xenophilius

Reg Malfoy?

Evan Yes 

Evan How many fucking Xenophiliuses do you know

Reg I was just wondering

Reg I think he’s my cousin

Reg Or something?

Reg He’s Cissa’s husband’s cousin

Reg So my cousin’s husband’s cousin

Reg Maybe my cousin-in-law?

Reg Idk that sounds made up

Remus Cousin in law

Evan Point being that Dora is busy and Barty and I are busy

Evan What are you guys gonna study anyway

Evan We haven’t even had any classes yet

dork ass PLANNING
dork ass HENCE GC NAME

dork ass ENGAGEMENTS DO NOT HAPPEN ORGANICALLY

Reg False but true

Reg We will be planning the perfect time and place for Remus to propose

Remus Seriously I am so appreciative of your help Regulus

Reg Remus we’re friends

Reg It’s okay

dork ass <3 

Barte OHH I THOUGHT IT WAS NORMAL BORING STUDYING

Barte I WOULD RATHER DO THAT THAN HANG OUT WITH EVAN

dork ass wait i thought u were going on a date barty

Barte HAHA UR FUNNY WHY WOULD U THINK THAT

Barte WHY DO U TAKE AYTHING I SAY SSERIOUSLY

Barte IM HANGING OUT W EVANNNN 😛

Reg Whatever

Reg Dorcas has volunteered to document the discussion

Reg That way we have it in writing and everyone is in the loop

Reg This will be perfect.

Reg Okay Remus?

Remus Yes!

Remus Thank you Regulus

[September 2, 1:45 p.m.]

Reg Okay study group has commenced

dork ass we got there and remus is was already sitting there at the table

dork ass with a book on werewolves

dork ass taking notes

dork ass WE HAVENT EVEN HAD A DADA CLASS YET 😭

dork ass and so reg and i sit down

dork ass and we start discussing rings

dork ass reg brought up rainbow moonstone

dork ass silver band

dork ass remus is very against rainbow moonstone

dork ass not sure why

dork ass they decided to do a different type of moonstone but still moonstone

dork ass i suggested white moonstone

dork ass whoa theyr actully going w my suggestion

dork ass thats fun

dork ass im gonna find one online brb

[September 2, 1:58 p.m.]

dork ass i found one!!!

dork ass its rly pretty and very sirius imo

dork ass reg agrees

dork ass https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/shopping?q=tbn:ANd9GcRr7GPpHkcIZGFD2t4tXyP0-D2veKzv8LGhhz6coCliCjLZRA9kfp4Qq6E1NDjHHh-FMCpcb3O6tvZpBKo5mEoNkgQerTyqbX25n5S30rFE8-CN7fSzt6plTxzO

dork ass its pretty

dork ass its like more than 130 tho thats kind of a lot right

dork ass reg said hed pay

dork ass hes crying hes so happy

dork ass kind of adorable actually

Evan Reg paying for the ring kind of defeats the whole purpose?

dork ass whatever

dork ass remus is crying now too

Remus Dorcas is too

Remus Don’t let her fool you

dork ass shut up shut up shuT UP SHUT UP

dork ass stfu

dork ass point is that they decided on a ring

dork ass theyre talking about strategies now

dork ass reg thinks something highkey and exciting but remus is leaning towards lowkey and personal

dork ass i think there is a very easy solution

dork ass i said that out loud but i am also dictating over text

dork ass ur welcome

dork ass but anyway my solution is

dork ass do the quiet personal walk moment and bring it up as a serious little question, like make him think about it and maybe seriously consider it

dork ass then actually get down on one knee at a party or something

dork ass i have now been called ‘surprisingly smart’

dork ass ouch

dork ass but i think thats what they decided on

Remus Yeah that’s what I’ve decided I’m going to do

Remus That was a splendid idea, thank you Dorcas

dork ass never use speldndid in the same sentence as my name ever agan

Reg Turn autocorrect on

dork ass no

Remus I swear I’m not usually this sappy, but I just want to thank you all one more time because this is actually so important to me. And I know most of you are related to Sirius but it still means a lot to me, and I hope that you can stand being around me enough to be slightly related to me as well

dork ass reggie is crying again

Reg Dont fucking call me reggie

Evan Remus that’s so sweet, you genuinely seem like a good person and I hope we get to know each other better once we’re

Evan Fuck wait what will we be

Evan If you’re Sirius’ husband, Sirius is my mother’s sister’s husband’s sister’s son

Evan You know what nevermind that

Evan I hope we get to know each other better once we’re distantly related

Barte yeah and one day u and i will be even distantlier related

Evan Why exactly is that Barty

Barte 🥸

Barte one day one day

Evan Also Remus, I definitely hope you’re not this soft on your day to day life because you most certainly cannot be friends with this group if you’re crying every other hour

Evan cough cough REGULUS

Reg Fuck off

Remus I guarantee you I am not

Remus I’ve been dating Sirius for two years I think you can guess

Barte thats true actually

Barte he is not for the feint of heart

Remus What are you implying, Bartemius?

Reg Say that again see what happens

Barte whoops my bad guys nvm

Barte they r ganging up on me

dork ass whoa remus maybe ur with the wrong balck brother

Barte no no starchaser ftw

Barte and wolfstar too ig

dork ass okay fair enough

Remus What?

Reg BARTY SHUT UP

Barte starchaser is my favorite ship

Reg BARTEMIUS CROUCH JUNIOR

Barte yes regulus arcturus potter

Barte oops

Barte shit wait that autocorrected

Barte that was an accident i swear

Evan I watched him type it he’s lying

Reg removed Barte from the group

Remus I feel like maybe I should not have seen that

Reg You very much should not have

Reg Swear to secrecy or I kill your boyfriend

Remus Kill my boyfriend and face death

Reg You know what fair enough

Reg Have I told you how much I like you recently

dork ass STOP FLIRTING

dork ass WHAT ABT STARCHASER

dork ass WHAT ABT WOLFSTAR

dork ass DONT SINK MY FAV MOTHERCKIGN SHIPS

Reg Literally shut up

Reg I thought Dorlene was your favorite ship?

dork ass THIS IS BARTYYYY DORLENE IS DORKS FAV

dork ass MY (BARTY) FAV SHIP IS ACTUALLY JEVERUS

dork ass #ENEMIESTOLOVERS

dork ass BUT THAT WOULD MAKE OUR REGGGIE SAD

dork ass SO I SACRIFICE IT FOR STARCHASER

Remus should i leave this group chat

Reg Someone kill me

Evan Barty how did you get Dork’s phone

Evan You’re standing right next to me

Evan You know what nevermind I don’t want to know

dork ass added Bartemius Crouch, Jr.

dork ass renamed Bartemius Crouch, Jr. to bartybitchesss

Reg You are sworn to secrecy Remus

Remus Yeah yeah you can trust me

Remus Especially you, Regulus

Remus I owe you big time

Reg Nope that’s me just being a reasonable person

Reg No reasonable person would go around spilling a secret that big

bartybitchesss WHAT SECRET

bartybitchesss BTW I GAVE DORK HER PHONE FBACK

Reg Not important, Barty

Reg Welcome back, Dorcas :( 

dork ass FUCK YOU

Reg Aw she loves me

Chapter Text

[September 3, 11:49 a.m.]

Remus Lupin added Sirius Black to a group

Remus Lupin added Regulus Black, Bartemius Crouch, Junior, Evan Rosier, Pandora Rosier, and Dorcas Meadowes to the group

Sirius Black added James Potter and Peter Pettigrew to the group

Sirius Black added Marlene McKinnon, Mary MacDonald, and Lily Evans to the group

Remus Lupin added Grant Chapman, Severus Snape, Charity Burbage, and Xenophilius Malfoy to the group

Pandora Rosier renamed themself to Panda <3

Panda <3 renamed Xenophilius Malfoy to Xen <3

Sirius Black renamed themself to Padfoot

Padfoot renamed Remus Lupin to Moony

Padfoot renamed James Potter to Prongs

Padfoot renamed Peter Pettigrew to Wormtail

Padfoot renamed Regulus Black to my darling brother reggie

my darling brother reggie Don’t call me Reggie

my darling brother reggie What even is this

my darling brother reggie You haven’t spoken to me in like two years

Padfoot lies

Dorcas Meadowes I WATCHED U SAY HI TO EACHOTHER LIK EYETGSTDAYR

my darling brother reggie “Eyetgstdayr”

Dorcas Meadowes STFU

Dorcas Meadowes FUCKIN NERDDDD

my darling brother reggie renamed themself to Reg

Dorcas Meadowes renamed themself to DORKAS

Padfoot fine whatever

Padfoot ANYWAY

Padfoot you are all in this groupchat because moony wants to have a party!!!
Padfoot and we wanted to invite all of you guys

Padfoot Gryffindor common room on friday night, be there or be square

Padfoot square

Padfoot square

Padfoot how the fuck do you spell square

Padfoot like the shape

Moony Square

Moony You were right the first time my love

Padfoot <3

Reg Sirius you are disgustingly infatuated

Reg Remus I like you more than I like my brother

Moony :) 

Padfoot :(

Padfoot ANYway

Padfoot Gryffindor common room, 9pm, september 4

Prongs ill be there!

Reg Me too

Wormtail ill be there tooooo

Grant Chapman @Moony How am I meant to get there 😭

Moony Whoops

Moony Hey at least I remembered to add you this time

Grant Chapman True lol

Grant Chapman Oh gods remember last time…?

Moony 😭

Padfoot ANYWAY

Padfoot MY BOYFRIEND and i will be throwing a party here so if you cant make it i think thats on you

Padfoot sorry mate 🤷

Moony Boys boys there’s enough of me to go around

Padfoot No, there is not.

Prongs no there isnt

Reg Abandon my brother and I kill you

Wormtail no theres not

Moony Wow okay then nevermind

Moony That’s touching Regulus

Bartemius Crouch, Junior ILL TOUCH U

Bartemius Crouch, Junior sorry im sposd to stop saying that 😞

Evan Rosier Ignore him

Padfoot wait who is bartemius crouch

Padfoot the guy who works for the ministry?

Padfoot moony you didnt tell me we were inviting famous peopleeee

Bartemius Crouch, Junior compare me to my father one more tie and se what happens

Evan Rosier The spelling errors make you much less imposing.

Bartemius Crouch, Junior I DONT CAAAARE

Bartemius Crouch, Junior renamed Evan Rosier to rosieree

Bartemius Crouch Junior renamed themself to BARTY ur worst nightmare

BARTY ur worst nightmare mwahahahahaaaa

Padfoot we are way off topic

Padfoot everybody say if youre coming so that i have a head count for booze

Padfoot i am going (obivously)

Moony I am going, also obviously

Wormtail as previously stated im going

Prongs same!!

Reg I’ll go

Lily Evans I’ll go! Sounds fun!

Severus Snape Sure

rosieree Barty and I will be there

Marlene McKinnon i’m going

DORKAS im going im going im going

Panda <3 I plan to come! Xen as well

Mary MacDonald Yes pleaseee first party of the year!!

Charity Burbage sounds funnn

Grant Chapman I won’t be joining you but I hope you have fun!

Padfoot and thats everyone

Padfoot perfect guys thanks!! see you soon!!

BARTY ur worst nightmare changed the group name to WOLFSTAR VIBEFEST

rosieree changed the group name to Gryffindor Party

BARTY ur worst nightmare changed the group name to HOGWARTS HOOLIGANS

rosieree changed the group name to Gryffindor Party

Padfoot changed the group name to Moonys party

Prongs changed the group name to Party Time

Wormtail jfc leave it be

-

DIRECT MESSAGES - My starlight and My Moony

[September 3, 10:13 p.m.]

My Moony Where did you go

My starlight i kinda sorta left a book in the common room

My starlight and started reading it

My Moony I am so in love with you, Sirius

My starlight i love you, remus

My Moony You should come back to the dorm

My Moony Actually

My Moony Want to go on a walk?

My Moony It’s very nice out and the sun went down almost an hour ago, so you can see the stars

My Moony And I’ve been wanting to talk to you about something

My starlight of course

My starlight is everything okay?

My Moony Yeah everything’s good

My Moony I just want to talk to you

My Moony It’s not anything negative

My Moony It’s just something about the future

My starlight oh gods

My starlight if you dont want to live together thats perfectly fine

My starlight seriously

My starlight im in love with you

My starlight but that doesnt mean we have to be together every second

My starlight so i understand if you dont want to live together

My Moony Sirius

My Moony Stop

My Moony I want to live with you

My Moony When we’re out of school I want to live with you

My Moony It’s about something different

My starlight oh

My starlight what is it?

My Moony Do you want me to ask you now?

My Moony I was thinking a walk would be more romantic

My starlight ask now pleasseeee

My Moony I just want to discuss our future

My Moony Together

My Moony I want to know your expectations

My Moony Is marriage in the cards?

My Moony Stuff like that

My starlight only you could sound romantic while saying “discuss” and “expectations”

My starlight wait

My starlight aery ouf asking me to tyjamrryy you

My starlight remus lupin

My starlight are you prposping

My Moony Not exactly

My starlight what

My Moony Let’s go on a walk

My Moony This will be so much easier to actually have a conversation

My starlight okay meet me in the common room my love

Chapter Text

[September 4, 6:32 p.m.]

Lily Evans Party starts at 7 or 9?

Wormtail literally scroll up in the chat its not that hard

Moony Peter be nice

Moony @Lily Evans Starts at 9

Lily Evans Okay thank you!

Lily Evans renamed themself to Lily

[September 4, 9:03]

Grant Chapman Hope you guys have fun at the party! Keep me updated on what happens lol

Padfoot hahahaha

Moony Sirius

Padfoot what i didnt even say anything

Wormtail dw grant i got u

Grant Chapman Thank you Peter!

-

DIRECT MESSAGES - My starlight and My Moony

[September 4, 9:05 p.m.]

My Moony I know you’re not the biggest fan of Grant but he’s a very dear friend of mine

My Moony You can be as mean about him as you want when you’re talking to me but please don’t be rude /to/ him

My starlight i know i know

My starlight hes a sweetheart

My starlight hes just a reminder that i was really stupid in third year

My starlight he had you first

My starlight and like hes so much cooler than me and i know you could do better but i dont like that reminder being shoved in my face

My starlight hes so nice and polite and witty and smart

My starlight hes like you but less attractive

My starlight sorry im rambling

My Moony Sirius I love you

My Moony I love you more than I love anyone else and I always will

My Moony Where did you go

My Moony I want to give you a hug

My starlight im in the dorm

My Moony I’m on my way

-

GROUP CHAT - Party Time

[September 4, 9:07 p.m.]

Marlene McKinnon where r y’all

DORKAS in the gryffindor common room!

Marlene McKinnon no shit sherlock

Marlene McKinnon renamed themself to Marls

Marls like where

Marls it’s a big commonroom

DORKAS the middle

DORKAS ???

DORKAS kinda hard to miss

Marls ohh i was in the wrong commonroom

DORKAS ??????

DORKAS how does that even happen

Marls i kinda

Marls maybe sorta

Marls might be in

Marls the slytherin commonroom

DORKAS WHY

Marls I WAS LOOKING FOR SOMEONE

DORKAS WHO

Marls BILL MURRAY

DORKAS OMG I LOVE BILL MURRAY

BARTY ur worst nightmare STOP FLIRTING IN THE GC

DORKAS SHUT UP BARTY

Marls SHUT UPPPPP BARTY

BARTY ur worst nightmare MEANT TO BE

Mary MacDonald Literally meant to be

Marls MARY STFU

Mary MacDonald :P 

Mary MacDonald renamed themself to Bloody Mary

Bloody Mary Guys I want alcohol

Bloody Mary There will be drinks right

Prongs of course mary, what do you take us for?

Prongs theres been firewhiskey since 7 and somebody brought some muggle tequila

Padfoot moony wont let me drink :( 

Moony Just for a little while

Padfoot :(((

Wormtail mary wya

Wormtail i need a gossip buddy

Bloody Mary Peter shut upppp

Bloody Mary Who says I gossippppp

Bloody Mary That’s so not meeeee

Marls ha. ha. 

[September 4, 9:14 p.m.]

Wormtail okay everybodys here now

Wormtail grant i will narrate

Grant Chapman Very kind of you, appreciate it

Wormtail yeah yeah

Wormtail anytime

Wormtail so everybodys here

Wormtail obvs marauders were there first

Wormtail then barty and evan who i did not know went here

Wormtail then regulus and dorcas and pandora and xenophilius and and snivellus w charity burbage for some reason

Charity Burbage Wdym? Sev is my friend why is it strange that I showed up with him?

Wormtail relax cher we all know ur in love w emmeline vance

Bloody Mary Peter literally shut your face

Wormtail thats not even ur problem mary y do u caer

Bloody Mary I’m not a traitor that’s why I care

Bloody Mary bitch

Prongs ignore her petey she had a few shots

Prongs and by a few i mean like eleven

Bloody Mary OH FUCK OFF

Wormtail anyway

Wormtail moony isnt letting padfoot drink

Wormtail which is very strange

Wormtail everybodys drinking

Wormtail except me

Wormtail im staying sober to narrate

Wormtail its easier trust

Wormtail where was i

Wormtail ah yes

Wormtail after cher and the other group came in

Wormtail then mary and lily come downstaris

Wormtail and then a few minutes later marley comes in 

Wormtail idk whats up w her shes strange today

Wormtail anyway

Wormtail so we were all here

Wormtail and we were drinking

Wormtail that was nice

Wormtail marys here

Wormtail im gossiping w her

Wormtail lily and cher started dancing

Grant Chapman Sorry who’s Cher?

Wormtail renamed Charity Burbage to cher

Grant Chapman Ah I see

Grant Chapman Haven’t met her yet

Wormtail anyway

Wormtail they were dancing 

Wormtail they got snivellus to join them

Wormtail he took like five shots first tho

Wormtail it was kinda funny

Wormtail right now its just music and dancing and drinking

Wormtail wait

Wormtail wat no

Wormtail idk whats happening

Wormtail all the lights just went down

Wormtail to like the romantic setting idk

Wormtail OMG

Wormtail NO FUCKIN WAY

Wormtail NO WAY NO WAY

Grant Chapman What???

Wormtail HE PROPOSED

Wormtail THEYRE GETTING MARRIED

Wormtail HANG ON I RECORDED IT

Wormtail sent a video attachment

-

VIDEO ATTACHMENT:

A shaky shot of the common room. The lights are dim, but there are a lot of people. Remus is standing in the center of the room, and he clears his throat. 

“Um, could I… Could I have your attention, please.” He raises his hand, waving it around. The room goes quiet. People turn their heads, and all eyes are on Moony. “Right then. Okay. Um.” Remus takes a shaky breath. Sirius, whose back has been to the camera, turns around and looks across the room nervously. He gives Remus a small smile.

“Everything alright, Moony?” Sirius whispers to Remus, who nods but takes a step back.

“Okay. Yeah. Bloody hell, yeah, everything’s alright. Um.” Remus takes another deep breath, then gets down on one knee. There are several gasps around the room, and James lets out a hoot. Sirius’ hands come up to his face as he grins, pure happiness showing through his expression.

“Sirius Black. I’ve loved you since the moment I knew you, even if I know I don’t always show it. You’re the most perfect person I’ve ever had the honor of coming across, and I love you more than life itself. I can’t imagine a life without you - hell, I wouldn’t have a life without you. Will you- would you- I want- Fuck. Sirius Black, will you marry me?” By the end, both Remus and Sirius are crying and Remus has a sleek black ring box open in his hand. Sirius nods furiously, and Remus stands up to kiss him, sliding the ring onto his finger. Cheers echo through the common room and the video cuts off.

-

Grant Chapman AWW THATS INCREDIBLE

Grant Chapman REMUS IM SO PROUD OF YOU

Grant Chapman SIRIUS IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU

Grant Chapman YOU BOTH DESERVE THE ABSOLUTE BEST

Padfoot THANK YOU GRANT

Padfoot IM SORRY IF IM EVER RUDE TO YOU, I THINK YOURE A WONDERFUL PERSON

Grant Chapman ITS OKAY <333

Grant Chapman I’ll leave you all be now but I want all of the details in the morning!!

Grant Chapman (I’m looking at you @Moony )

Moony k

Wormtail he barely glanced at his phone hes too preoccupied snogging his fiance’s face off

Moony heeheehee fiance

Wormtail they r doing shots now

Wormtail goodbye grant

Grant Chapman Goodbye Peter!

[September 5, 12:50 p.m.]

Moony Grant I’m engaged

Moony Oh my gods I’ve never been this happy in my life

Grant Chapman Aaaaa I’m so happy for youuuuu

Grant Chapman It’s rather late in the day what kept you up so late?

Grant Chapman Just hangover or… other things……??

Wormtail GRANT

Wormtail NO

Wormtail U DO NOT WANT TO KNOW

Grant Chapman Alright then!

Grant Chapman But in all seriousness Remus I’m so happy for you both, congratulations!!! I love you both and I am certain that you will have an amazing life together <3

Padfoot GRANT ILYT <33

Moony That’s the most sincere he’s ever been about you Grant

Grant Chapman :P

Prongs FOR REAL CONGRATULATIONS TO MY TWO FAVORITE PEOPLE MY LITERAL BESTEST FRIEDNS IN THE ENTIRE WORLD I LOVE YOU GUYS I BETTER BE ONE OF THE BEST MEN OR HANDS WILL BE THROWN <333333333

Padfoot PRONGS IM GETTING MARRIED AAAAA

Prongs AAAAAAAAAAA

Wormtail CONGRATS MY FELLOW MARAUDERS U RULE

Lily Yess CONGRATULATIONS to Remus!!!!!! And also Sirius I guess!! (Just joking, love you both)

Moony Thank you Lily you’re quite literally the best <33

Bloody Mary YESSS CONGRATS TO MY FAVE GAYS

Marls hey >:(

Marls but tbh i agree u rule u deserve the best both of you ily

Padfoot MARLEEEEEENE THIS IS THE NICEST YOUVE EVER BEEN TO MEEEE IM TEARING UP

Marls and i cant even bring myself to take it back

Marls im slipping

DORKAS CONGRATS TO REMUS UR LITERALLY THE BEST IM SO GLAD WEVE GOTTEN CLOSER RECENTLYY!!!! AND CONGRATS TO UR FIANCE HES A LUCKY MAN!!!

Moony Dorcas that’s really sweet <33

Padfoot why are you getting closer

Padfoot what am i missing

Reg Don’t worry about it Sirius

Reg CONGRATULATIONS to Remus! You are a wonderful friend and deserve so much happiness, and I’m glad you can find that somewhere even if it’s with my idiot brother!! <33

Reg Congratulations to my least favorite brother! You’re a damn lucky man you better not hurt him

Reg Also Remus if you hurt my brother you will be dead to me and also dead by me. (as in I will murder you.) This is your only warning.

Moony Heeded <3 You’re the best

Padfoot wait im your only brother

Padfoot reg

Padfoot REG

Reg Focus on the compliments, Sirius.

Padfoot right

Padfoot thank you regulus black i love you

rosieree He’s crying

rosieree He loves you too

rosieree Congratulations from Barty and I! Remus, I’m so glad we’ve become friends, hope your life is as good as you deserve!

BARTY ur worst nightmare YESSS I AGREE W ROSIE

BARTY ur worst nightmare GET WHAT U DESERVE

Reg Barty do you understand how threatening that sounds?

BARTY ur worst nightmare :P

Moony I really appreciate it Evan. And I appreciate you too, Barty. Regulus don’t worry I’m used to being threatened (cough Sirius cough)

Padfoot what did i dooooo

BARTY ur worst nightmare kinky~~~~~~~~~~~

rosieree Bartemius.

BARTY ur worst nightmare :( 

Severus Snape Congratulations, Lupin.

Padfoot hey

Prongs hey!

Wormtail oi

Lily Sev be nice

Severus Snape Congrats, blood traitor.

Reg removed Severus Snape from the group

Padfoot HEY

Padfoot aww thanks reggie

Reg There are very few people who are allowed to insult you and he is not one of them.

Padfoot guys he cares <3

Reg Shut up

Padfoot shutting up

cher Congrats guys!!

Panda <3 Yes congratulations my friends <3 I hope your joy is boundless

Xen <3 May your happiness shine so brightly that one or both of you goes blind

Panda <3 He means that lovingly

Moony Thanks so much, all of you, seriously.

Padfoot yeah for real!! we both really appreciate everything youve done for us, not just today and last night but always. we wouldnt be where we are today if it wasnt for all of you (especially now that snivellus isnt in the group anymore). charity i cant say i know you very well but you seem great. thanks to all of you for everything!!!! <3

Padfoot oh shit i just realized i have to tell my family im getting married to a queer halfblood werewolf

Reg A queer halfblood what?

Reg I think you mistyped something, Sirius.

Padfoot haha yep my fingers slipped

Padfoot queer halfblood man

Padfoot is what i meant

Moony Sirius

Padfoot love youuu

Chapter Text

[September 5, 1:28 p.m.]

Sirius Black added Regulus Black , Andromeda Black , Narcissa Black , and Bellatrix Black to a group

Sirius Black changed the group name to somehow were related

Regulus Black changed the group name to Somehow We Are Related

Sirius Black nerd

Sirius Black can you guys add your significant others

Narcissa Black added Alice Fortescue

Narcissa Black Sorry sorry wrong person I hit the wrong button that was an accident

Narcissa Black removed Alice Fortescue

Narcissa Black added Lucius Malfoy

Andromeda Black added Edward Tonks

Andromeda Black renamed Edward Tonks to Ted

Andromeda Black renamed Andromeda Black to Andie

Sirius Black bella DO NOT add that bitch

Bellatrix Black oh fuck off

Bellatrix Black added Rita Skeeter

Sirius Black NO

Sirius Black removed Rita Skeeter

Bellatrix Black bitch

Regulus Black Should I add our parents?

Sirius Black i dont think so

Sirius Black they have me blocked anyway so it wouldnt matter, they wouldnt be able to see my messages

Regulus Black Well individually, I’m sure you’re blocked on both of their numbers, but not on the family phone

Sirius Black tf is a family phone

Regulus Black I think it’s technically Kreacher’s but it’s basically our Sacred Twenty-Eight phone number

Sirius Black purebloods are so weird

Sirius Black i mean i guess you can add it

Sirius Black whats the worst that could happen?

Regulus Black Don’t say that

Regulus Black added The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black to the group

Regulus Black That’s odd, I thought there was a thirty-character limit to usernames.

The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black Who is t o be bothering. The./ noble and mOst Ancient House Of BLafck

Regulus Black Sirius has business he wants to state to the family.

The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black Master Regulus KREacher sdoesnot think that his Masters will be wanting to here what the young mAsert Isrus is wantning to say

Sirius Black renamed The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black to Definitely Kreacher

Regulus Black Sirius, be nice.

Bellatrix Black im leaving this fuckin group if its just gonna be walburga’s sons talking about fuckall nothing

Lucius Malfoy I second that.

Sirius Black wait no

Sirius Black i actually have to tell you guys something

Narcissa Black Well, out with it then…?

Sirius Black im getting married

Bellatrix Black i legiteatmately do not beleive you

Sirius Black thanks bella :( 

Regulus Black Surprisingly, it’s true.

Regulus Black We’ve met. I’m blown away that Sirius scored someone that good.

Bellatrix Black well who is it then?????

Narcissa Black Not that Remus Lupin I hope

Ted Oh I love Remus! Is it him?

Bellatrix Black it better not be

Narcissa Black Sirius.

Narcissa Black You’re being suspiciously quiet

Sirius Black …

Bellatrix Black SIRIUS

Sirius Black in my defense

Sirius Black you dont get much better than Remus Lupin

Bellatrix Black u ABSOLUTELY do

Bellatrix Black well i guess U dont…

Sirius Black :(

Definitely Kreacher KReacher is sirttin thatehis HMAersters will not be ilinkg llg thlliking this ensdfg

Sirius Black what

Regulus Black He says he’s certain that our parents won’t like this news.

Sirius Black big whoop

Sirius Black what a surprise

Sirius Black how did you even understand that

Sirius Black no wait not relevant

Sirius Black POINT BEING

Sirius Black youre all invited to the wedding

Sirius Black except not my parents

Sirius Black theyre only here so that they know

Sirius Black i guess?

Andie Brilliant! When is it?

Sirius Black we still need to figure that out

Sirius Black ill let you know

Bellatrix Black literal facepalm of a human being

Sirius Black :(

Bellatrix Black u are actually such a dissapointment like what even made u think this was a good idea

Bellatrix Black what were u even thinking

Andie Bella that’s a little harsh

Bellatrix Black no but its the truth

Bellatrix Black how is the fuckin dog star next in line as heir but im not

Bellatrix Black im literally doing everythign right and hes literally doing everything wrong

Regulus Black Bellatrix, can you not right now?

Bellatrix Black oh look ur little brother is standing up for u

Bellatrix Black the little brother that, need i remind u, u actually abandoned to save urself

Regulus Black Bellatrix.

Bellatrix Black what reggie?

Sirius Black listen bellatrix, i get that you want to be named heir, honestly i would fully support it. i told you about this because we're family and i thought you might want to know. that doesn’t give you an excuse to talk to me like that.

-

DIRECT MESSAGES - The dog star and Cetus food

[September 5, 1:46 p.m.]

Cetus food I’m really impressed with how you handled that, Sirius.

The dog star thank you andromeda

The dog star im sorry its really hard to take you serious when your name is ‘cetus food’

Cetus food Sirius we’ve had this discussion for months

Cetus food In the myth, Andromeda was chained to a rock because her mum said she was prettier than the daughters of Poseidon, and the sea monster Cetus was sent to eat her before Perseus saved her and killed the monster

The dog star no i know

The dog star it makes sense its just ridiculous

The dog star you dont want something a little more romantic?

Cetus food Like what? ‘Ted is my Perseus?’

The dog star renamed Cetus food to Ted is her Perseus

The dog star yes much better

Ted is her Perseus Fine

Ted is her Perseus Point being

Ted is her Perseus I’m proud of how you responded to Bellatrix being bitchy

Ted is her Perseus I really don’t know why she’s acting like this

The dog star honestly im surprised she doesnt have you blocked

Ted is her Perseus Yeah

-

GROUP CHAT - Somehow We Are Related

[September 5, 1:49 p.m.]

Bellatrix Black whatever

Lucius Malfoy I can’t help but agree with Bellatrix.

Narcissa Black Lucius, where are you right now?

Lucius Malfoy Outside, why?

Narcissa Black Don’t move.

Bellatrix Black ominous

Narcissa Black Bellatrix shut up.

Narcissa Black That whole thing was completely uncalled for and you have no justification for it.

Narcissa Black And that is exactly what I’m going outside to tell Lucius. 

Bellatrix Black literally whatever. i do not care.

Sirius Black bella. no one is forcing you to come to my gay wedding. my gay wedding will probably get me disowned AGAIN. youre ten fucking years older than me. that is too long to hold such a stupid grudge.

Sirius Black hold up i just realized

Sirius Black what happened to that lestrange guy

Bellatrix Black none of ur fucking business

Ted Oh yeah I forgot about Rodolphus!

Ted Or was is Rabastan

Bellatrix Black rodolphus motherfucking lestrange is none of ur motherfucking business

Bellatrix Black and i dont give a single shit about rabastan

Andie Let’s cool it with the Lestrange talk

Andie Bringing it back to Sirius

Andie CONGRATULATIONS to my favorite cousin for getting engaged!! I hope it is the best decision of your life! 

Ted Yes congratulations Sirius!!

Narcissa Black Congratulations, Sirius.

Sirius Black thanks guys

Sirius Black ill give you details about it once i have them

Sirius Black and thank you andie. i appreciate you.

Andie Of course, Sirius

Andie <3