Archive of Our Own ^beta

Mandy Brocklehurst doesn’t know what the other common rooms are really like. She’s heard stories, of course. Gryffindors are supposedly loud and uncontainable, the tower somehow still standing despite their chaotic energy. The Slytherin dungeon is rumoured to be all polished manners and eerie calm under the lake. Hufflepuff? Mandy imagines soft lighting, warm tea, and laughter on squashy settees.

Ravenclaw Tower, on the other hand, is coated in gemstones and covered with parchment. There are mirrored walls that shift when you speak to them. Crystals meant to soothe the mind are scattered about, and strange chairs and beanbags make up the odd furniture students perch on to read. Letters from former students still line the walls, maps curl at the edges, and half-glowing magical trinkets are left behind like offerings.

It is always busy and somehow always quiet too. Mandy feels lucky. Her year is unusually close-knit for Ravenclaws. Most of the upper years split into silent pairs and solitary corners, but her year group likes to pile into the common room together. They go against the grain of what a stereotypical Ravenclaw friendship is like, and she loves them for it. 

Mandy is curled into the corner armchair now, legs tucked under her, a picture book open on her lap. She doesn’t like reading as much as people expect her to. But pictures—those she loves. She can spend hours poring over the tiniest details, searching for stories hidden in the margins. One hand absently toys with her braided brunette hair.

Michael Corner is on the other couch, sliding puzzle pieces across a wooden board. The little blocks clack softly as he moves them back and forth. Padma Patil is hunched at a side table, scribbling notes about climate change and magical geography. She’s holding a weather teller, pressing it to points on a small globe and jotting down the changes.

Anthony Goldstein is the only one actually doing Potions homework. His essay apparently isn’t answering the question. He complained earlier that Professor Slughorn usually allows more creative interpretation.

Across the room, Lisa Turpin and Terry Boot are stretched out on the rug, heads close together, whispering gleefully about someone’s unfortunate haircut. Eloise Midgen, this time. They say they’re fascinated by human behaviour, but Mandy sometimes thinks they just like being cruel. Terry calls himself a truth-sayer, though Mandy thinks he’s just a rude plob. She doesn’t know why Lisa puts up with him. Or maybe she does. Lisa can be just as cutting when she thinks she’s right.

Mandy gets along with them all, but sometimes she wonders whether the things they say are meant for her, too. She touches her hair again. They’d said certain face shapes didn’t suit bangs. Mandy had been thinking about getting bangs. Now she isn’t so sure.

“It’s because she’s a try-hard,” Lisa says, voice sharp with judgment. “Always desperate for attention. I can’t believe you even noticed her.”

“Desperation isn’t attractive,” Terry adds with a snort.

“Nor is forgetting to meet your girlfriend,” Morag pipes up as she enters, twisting her thick curls with one hand. “There’s a Hufflepuff outside crying to see you.”

Terry straightens, alarmed, though his chest lifts a little too proudly. “That’s odd. I don’t remember making plans.”

“Witches always forget what an arsehole you are,” Lisa mutters without looking up.

“It’s not my fault people don’t use calendars properly or say what they actually want. Time is valuable. No one should expect me to devote myself entirely to one person. It’s not healthy,” Terry insists. It’s the same old rubbish. He still doesn’t understand why people get upset. Relationships are apparently just distractions to him.

“Just go apologise,” Lisa says, kicking his trouser leg lightly. “I can’t believe you’re the one with a playboy reputation. What happened to you, Corner?”

Terry flips her off. Morag rolls her eyes and herds him toward the stairs.

Michael bites his lip, focusing harder on his puzzle, dragging the blocks faster now.

“Oi, Corner!”

“What?”

“You peaked when you dated Ginny Weasley. What happened to you?”

“What happened, what?”

“Am I talking to nitwits?” Lisa asks, sitting up. “Why don’t you have a girlfriend?”

“I have a date next Hogsmeade weekend,” Michael replies flatly.

Everyone perks up.

“With who?” Padma asks, abandoning her globe.

Michael barely looks up. “Astoria Greengrass. She wanted to see my Arithmancy notes. I don’t know why you all care.”

“She’s a Slytherin. I’m surprised her parents are fine with it,” Padma says.

“She’s one of the good ones,” Michael replies, proud.

“Oh, stop pretending you didn’t run to us about Kevin’s love letter to his Muggle girlfriend,” Lisa scoffs.

“It was this thick,” Michael says, holding up two fingers. “They practically write novels to each other.”

“I think that’s romantic,” Padma murmurs, stroking her braid. She shares a glance with Anthony, whose cheeks turn pink slightly.

“Well, we know Morag could use a few tips,” Lisa grins. Morag’s boyfriend had graduated, and she hadn’t stopped sighing about it for weeks. “How many letters have you actually gotten?”

“He’s very busy with his internship,” Morag says quickly, hands on her hips, though her voice lowers. “Gryffindors get distracted easily. You’d know all about that.”

Lisa lies back on the floor, resting her head on one hand like she’s being painted. “Tracey and I are doing just fine, thanks,” she says with a wink. “We snogged for two hours yesterday.”

Everyone groans in unison.

"You are such a lesbian slag, poor Tracey, stuck with the only other Lesbian in our year." But Morag says so playfully, she opens a bag of crisps to share with everyone. 

"Hey, I treat her alright!" 

"You're sometimes just as rude as Terry, so I hope so." 

It’s been like that a lot ever since Sixth Year began—talking about relationships, everyone taking note of who was with who. For some reason, people had this idea that Ravenclaws were above such trivialities. That was far from the truth. Ravenclaws loved exploring new things. What was more new than romance?

Except for Sue Li, maybe, who was still deep in her choir obsession. Not sure Professor Flitwick could handle her enthusiasm with all her projects.

Later, when everyone had wandered off, Lisa sidled up beside Mandy. She smiled. Lisa had always been nice to her, even if she was a bit harsh with everyone else.

“You’re awfully quiet.”

Mandy shrugged. “I don’t know what to say.”

“No, I mean you’re awfully quiet this year,” Lisa said, watching her carefully. “You’re usually the upbeat one. Remember when Morag and I had that row because she said I was too dominating with you?”

“I don’t think that.”

“I know. But she’s such a fair fairy,” Lisa added fondly. “Her boyfriend’s off doing Merlin-knows-what, and now she has to bother the rest of us.”

“I don’t mind.” Mandy tapped the cover of her book. “I like how we bother each other.”

Lisa eyed Mandy for a moment longer. “Then bother us,” she said, nudging her shoulder. “Is it a boy or a girl?” Her eyebrows waggled, then she paused. “Or… you’re in love with the choir like Sue Li?”

Mandy giggled nervously, twisting the edge of her hair with her fingers. “Perhaps I’m not sure what to say? I don’t know the words,” Mandy admitted truthfully.

Lisa took a long look at her. “Well, when you find the words, you can tell me.”

Mandy was licking her fingers. The sea slug caramels were melting, and sadly, most of them had ended up on her hands. It was such a warm day, and they had decided to relax near the lake. Some of the Gryffindors were taking off their shirts and dipping into the water. Morag had literally forced Lisa to join her.

“You’re like, the only other Ravenclaw who can be cool with me.”

“She says this after just criticising my new hairstyle!”

“You looked like a hedgehog. Need I say more?”

Mandy, thankfully, had already planned to paint with Padma and Sue Li, so Morag knew not to bother them. Anthony was there too, trying in vain to organise the sweets on the conjured blue rug and stop them from melting into ruin. Michael was out with his girlfriend somewhere. Kevin was busy collecting bugs in jars. Mandy tried not to think about what happened to them. He enjoyed cataloguing magical insects and comparing how different they were from what Muggles knew. He even shared the bejewelled ones with his Muggle girlfriend, which Mandy was pretty sure was illegal.

Anthony renewed Padma's colour water, clearing it from black to transparent. She met his eyes and gave a small smile.

Terry was off to the side, going over a parchment and sniggering loudly.

“What are you doing?” Padma asked.

“Just a little project. You wouldn’t understand,” Terry answered, trying to keep a straight face and failing.

“You’re trying to get us curious, but I think you’re doing something stupid and we really shouldn’t care,” Sue Li said, stroking her brush through bold red paint. Padma was painting the lake, trying to capture it in abstract lines.

Mandy looked at her own painting and winced. She was... doing something. There were lines and colour, at least.

“Well, if you insist,” Terry said, finally pulling out the parchment.

He revealed a sheet full of figures—people drawn in all shapes and sizes. They weren’t anyone Mandy recognised, but the drawings were realistic enough that she blushed at their scandalous, naked forms.

“Honestly, Terry. Porn in public?” Padma hissed, hastily covering the parchment with her own art paper. “Did your Hufflepuff girlfriend not whack you hard enough last week, or is the heat getting to you?”

“And we’re prefects,” Anthony muttered, averting his eyes and crouching back like the parchment itself was cursed.

“Oh, don’t get all stroppy. Lisa would’ve appreciated this,” Terry said, smoothing the parchment. “It’s not real, if that bothers you. It’s just artist work. I paid for their talent. No one was harmed, no one was shamed. So really, it’s way more ethical.”

“Ethical?” Padma repeated, incredulously.

“I mean, they’re beautiful,” Sue Li admitted. “I actually feel better knowing it’s not a portrait of someone real.”

Mandy glanced down at the drawings again—men and women in different shapes and sizes, different lengths and curves. She had to admit it. Terry had found good art.

“Are you sure it’s not real?” Anthony asked, tugging at his collar.

“It’s all imagination,” Terry insisted, pointing to a picture of a woman posing with her hands behind her head. “Look at those cup sizes. What girl in school has that?”

“They’re triple the size of bludgers,” Padma muttered, wincing. “Ugh. You men are so focused on that.”

“Hey, Lisa loves looking at women, too. And Anthony gets it.”

“For a little fun, maybe,” Anthony said, but at Padma’s sharp look, he backpedalled. “I don’t buy that stuff. And I don’t look at girls in real life like that. It’s… kind of like how you lot read romance books with big dongs in them?”

The girls snorted, and Anthony's face flushed red. 

“There’s a reason I do not read romance books,” Sue Li said lightly.

“There’s nothing wrong with girls enjoying romance books,” Padma said, voice tightening. “The men in them are actually enjoyable. Back me up, Mandy. You know what I’m saying, right? The romance is compelling, isn't it?”

“Sure.”

“I didn’t mean to say it was bad,” Sue Li added, adjusting her brush. “I just meant… I don’t find it interesting. Same with those drawings.”

“No, you’d rather make love with a tambourine,” Terry sneered, then scrolled the parchment up again. “I’ll keep this to myself if you lot can’t appreciate it. What kind of artists are you?”

"We're just interested in different things," Padma said, trying to smooth things over. 

“I kind of liked the drawings,” Mandy said quietly, giving Terry a hesitant smile.

Terry still tucked the parchment into his robe pocket.

Lisa is giggling behind her four-poster bed. Mandy can't help but peer in.
"What's so funny? Oh, you found Terry's new art stash."

"It's quality art," Lisa says. She has the pictures all splayed out on her bed. "Nothing compared to my Tracey, of course, but I’ve just rarely seen lesbian art like this."

"Oh, I didn’t know they were lesbians."

"It’s a whole story, look—"

Mandy takes a proper look and nods. "They’re just... naked."

Lisa chuckles. "Part of the appeal."

There are stacks of rolled parchment at the foot of her bed. Mandy asks what it is.

"Oh, just stuff straight people would enjoy, maybe. I’m not really interested in the men."

"Ah."

Mandy takes a shy prod. Some of the pictures are scandalous, some very modest. Buff men, skinny men, all muscle or none at all.

"Do you have a type?" Lisa suddenly asks.

Mandy doesn't know the words again and begins to shrug.

"It’s okay. We’re young. We’re supposed to be figuring this stuff out. No harm to it."

Mandy bites her lip. “What if we never figure it out?”

“What do you mean?”

Mandy shrugs. She’s looking at all the naked pictures and... they’re all interesting, but she can’t pinpoint why they’re interesting.

She thinks about how her friends talk about dating and their relationships, how casually they admit what they like, what they prefer. When Lisa came out as a lesbian, Terry actually backed her up. It’s probably why, even though he’s crass and a bit dumb, Lisa appreciates him.

But Lisa’s always known what she wanted. Or like Sue Li, knowing what she didn’t want.

For Mandy... it was different.

Lisa lightly caresses Mandy’s hand. “Do you like... the women here?”

“I mean, they look nice.”

“What about them do you like?”

“I mean, this one has a nice smile,” Mandy starts. “And this other one has a nice pose. She looks strong.”

“How about the men?”

Mandy thinks about it. Her stomach quivers slightly, but Lisa is beside her, patient. “I like them too.”

“Yeah?” Lisa smiles, steady. “What about them do you like?”

“Their necks.” Mandy traces the images with her fingers. “This one has nice legs.”

“I’m going to show you something.”

Lisa opens a drawer and, to Mandy’s utter astonishment, she has more erotic art.

But they look different, not at all like the popularised man or woman image.

“What about these?” Lisa asks.

Mandy is overwhelmed by all the different pictures. Bearded people in feminine clothing, smaller-sized Muggles—Mandy has never seen a wixen like that—posing like a wrestler with bulging muscles. Long hair in braids. She finds she can list what she enjoys about each of them.

Lisa only listens. For some reason, she just wants to hear Mandy’s thoughts.

“Who would you date if you could?”

Mandy giggles. “I don’t know if I want to date them. I don’t know them!”

“But let’s say you make up their personality. Dream partner. Which one gives you the tingles?”

“The tingles?” Mandy repeats, shocked, then bursts out laughing.

“I mean, they make you hot and bothered. Come on, tell me. Who?”

Mandy taps her finger against her lip. “Hmm... maybe this one. He looks very welcoming, and his hands look very soft.”

“Another?”

Another? Mandy hesitates. “This one... she has a handsome jaw, doesn’t she?”

There’s silence. She slowly turns to Lisa.

Lisa is sitting cross-legged on the bed, hands in her lap, looking at her softly.

“What?” Mandy can’t help but ask.

Lisa shrugs lightly, then wraps an arm around Mandy’s shoulder. “I just want you to know... you’re special, and no one else can say otherwise.” She pulls Mandy into a half hug. “And when you find the words to explain it to me, just know you can tell me.” She gives her a little shake. “Okay? You can always tell me.”

Mandy blinks quickly. She feels a surge of emotion rising in her.

But why? This isn’t a sad thing, is it? There’s nothing wrong with what they’re doing.

But just the reassurance. The knowledge. Knowing she isn’t alone.

She wipes her eyes quickly. Lisa doesn’t move her arm away.

The silence is so safe.

Terry is at the Hufflepuff table, holding hands with his girlfriend, and they have a book open and are giggling, and Mandy is positive it's the erotic art he's smuggled.

Kevin has an owl from his girlfriend again. He shares the box of sweets she sent him. Mandy asks what Kevin sent her and said, "Two lacewings in a frame." Which was... nice, she supposed.

Morag squeals when a letter arrives for her. It’s thin, but she still sighs in happiness. "He's getting recognised at work, I'm so proud of him!"

Sue Li is oblivious to it all, detailing her plans for the choir again. Somehow, she got Astoria involved— Michael brought her over, though he might be regretting it now. His girlfriend is completely enraptured by Sue’s enthusiastic explanation of her next project.

Anthony shares a slice of his bread with Padma, and she pours him some pumpkin juice.

Lisa shares what she overheard in the hospital wing. “Ron broke up with Lavender. Who would’ve thought? She's such a bombshell! Why would he do that?” Another teenage drama that pulls them all in.

Mandy listens with a smile, as usual, she has nothing to add to it. Lisa is sitting beside Mandy and gives her hand a squeeze. Mandy squeezes it back, gratefully.

She wants that kind of deep connection. To feel loved and to love in return. But for now, she’s content just watching the people around her.

She doesn’t know it yet, but once they graduate and Mandy begins to brave her way out of her shell, she’ll meet so many different people. She’ll eventually discover a word that helps her understand herself a little more clearly.

She’ll stumble over it at first, the word, not knowing if it fits. But it’ll feel warm and right, and when she tells Lisa, she’ll nod like she knew all along. Lisa and the rest of their friends, well, Terry will say something stupid, because he's Terry, but every one of them will crow and celebrate.