Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The punch landed square in their nose, the crack sending a grin to my lips as they crumpled fast. “Call me a faggot again bitch!” I yelled.

“You- AGH!” The man yelled, gripping their face. “I’m calling the cops, this is assault!”

“Yes, go ahead! Tell them your 300 pound fat ass was whooped by a 150 pound, 5’2 femboy in a mini skirt and thigh highs. The police report will be hilarious.” I grinned at them.

They growled, giving me a red, slightly teary death glare before rushing off into the parking lot.

I heard clapping and turned. Seeing my roommate walk up to me from the store. “I can’t leave you alone for five minutes without you decking people can I?” Neoth asked. He was taller than me, 6’3 easy with a build like every jock stereotype ever, but with long black hair like he was in a metal band and bright brown eyes, and a slight tan to his skin tone.

“Hey, it’s not my fault that they keep insulting me cause I look good in this.” I huffed as I lifted one of my thigh highed legs. “I’m the most comfortable bi man you’ll meet, doesn’t mean you have to insult me over it.”

“It’s a miracle you haven’t been arrested yet.” He chuckled. “Well, got the stuff for dinner. Guess we just head back to the apartment then.” 

With that, we started walking to the bus stop.

No idea why Neoth insists on taking public transport. He earns enough to buy a car… hell I’m 90% sure he’s loaded…

“Like, I get that using public transport is great but… don’t you have enough money to buy or have a car?”

“Maybe.” He said, looking up and around. “But, sometimes you get to see more taking the bus rather than your own personal car. Besides, who wants to wait in traffic?”

“We still would have to deal with traffic even on a bus.” I admitted.

“True, but at least the bus has AC. We both know you hate the heat.”

“The heat sucks.” I huffed. “Especially considering how fucking humid it constantly is…” I groaned, one of the worse things about living in this part of Detroit, we are practically right next to the lake and the river.

“That and it makes your hair look like the brown haired Miss Frizzle.” Neoth added.

“Shush you!” I whined and hit his arm playfully.

Jesus Christ how the fuck is he built like a fucking fridge?

“Heh. The bus is fine either way.” He shrugged. “Besides, I don’t trust cars… or rather, I don’t trust drivers.”

“True, sometimes other drivers are completely insane.”

“If a town with only two cars can crash into one another on a large dirt road, then no driver on a highway with thousands on it can be trusted…”

I chuckled. I swear his history references. I’ll never understand how he knows that much about history.

“Well, if you say so old man.” I teased.

Neoth said nothing but shook his head with this smirk that felt like he was hiding something.

The bus ride was simple, I spent it listening to some music as Neoth was reading something on his phone. He’s either reading or studying. The apartment complex was in the okay-ish part of Detroit, and it’s been home for me for the last six years, and last two for Neoth.

Met him at this Warhammer tournament back then. He was cosplaying The Emperor and played Custodies, and honestly with his build he pulled it off.

“Home sweet home.”

“And only eighty years old.” Neoth chuckled as he started unlocking the door. “At least the lead paint was removed.”

“Whoever thought lead paint was a good idea really needs to retroactively get kicked in the nuts.”

“People use what’s available to them at the time. The only ones who don’t adapt are the ones who either refuse to acknowledge change, or the ones who keep the older things out of greed and power.”

“Oh yeah, kind of like Pedro and Samantha’s business’s right?” I asked, though again there was this… mysterious look he always gave whenever I mentioned his other friends.

“More or less. Been in their families for generations. So they say.” He shrugged, heading to the kitchen to start dinner as I sat on the couch.

“Another ‘so they say’ explanation? What secrets do you hold mystery man?” I asked in playful accusations.

“I hold my secrets better than some people. Especially after several shots in at your favorite nightclub.” He chuckled.

“I swear, one of these days you will tell me your secrets you brick of a man.”

“Right, until then I’ll just hold onto my collection of you doing jello shots off of strangers chests from last year’s New Years party.”

“That was one time !” I shouted. “And it’s not my fault half of those strangers were women with nice racks.”

“And the others men with nice abs.” He chuckled. 

“Yes, I am an equal opportunist and I don’t deny that… but I will deny the new years party.”

“The photos and videos I have and the phone numbers you got that day say otherwise.”

“Feck you!” I whined and threw one of the throw pillows at him.

He caught it, and threw it back to its spot.

Curse his inhuman aim.

“Seriously, how are you so good at that?”

“Lots of practice.” Neoth said simply as he began to cook. “The perfect throw.”

I chuckled. “Perfect is a myth.” I admitted. “Cause nothing’s perfect, and the sooner people realize that, at least thirty percent of people will be less depressed.”

“And the other seventy percent?”

“That is from a lot of other problems.” I said carefully. “Perfectionists would be winning from this theoretical though.”

“How so?”

“Well, if they realize that perfection is a myth, then they can finally calm down and relax, not needing to get every minute detail as good as it can be.”

“For some, that’s their fear. Relaxation… without the stress they are unsure what to do with themselves.”

I sighed. “You probably know better considering you’ve basically done everything from all your random knowledge and ‘first hand experience’.”

“Sometimes I wish I didn’t.” He sighed. “But life always has other plans… maybe one day I make my own.”

“And I’ll be there to either fuck them up or tell you a better way.” I admitted.

“You do keep me on my toes… and from letting things get to my head.”

“It is for the best nothing gets to your head, the first day we became friends I really needed to drop that ego even though your rolls were suspect as shit sometimes.”

“I’m just surprised you found something I suck at… I’ve never eaten pavement like that before…”

“I have legit never seen anyone eat shit like that when it comes to skateboarding.” I said. “Like… you just touched it with your foot and suddenly you were face first on the ground.”

“I don’t say this lightly, but that was some Sorcery bullshit…”

I chuckled. Never knew why he hated even the concept of magic. I still think if used right it can be very useful.

“While I can agree, we still need you to calm down on magic being ‘pure evil’, like, come on man, if used properly anything can be good.”

“I won’t say it’s not possible… just like with wealth and power, in the wrong hands it’s a source of tyranny.”

“Anything can be a source of tyranny if you’re an asshole about it.” I admitted.

“I suppose that is true.” Neoth nodded.

Dinner was made and eaten. With that we went to our rooms since it was a bit late and I began looking for a game to play. Alright… so Team Fortress 2… Space Marine 2… or something else? I have so much crap in my Steam wishlist…

“So many facking games, I don’t know what to play…” I grumbled in a sing-song way.

I was leaning back in my chair when the lights cut out.

Fuck… okay either a power line was downed, WW3 started, or someone shot or crashed into a power line…

“God damn it, not again.” I grumbled, grabbing my phone and using the flashlight on it as I moved around the house carefully to find some candles first. “Neoth! Power’s out again!”

I walked to the door, opening it- what in the?

On the other side of my doorway I saw what looked like… 

… like… 

What the-

—

…

…

…

I coughed, groaning as I felt myself laying on dirt, dry air with a slight chill.

Wha… What the?

I managed to open my eyes, seeing… just dirt and rocks all around me, and some dead trees.

“The hell?” I questioned, trying to get up… only for my body to give out in pain. “Oh~ ho kay! Fucking OW !” I thought in massive pain, as whatever happened decided to shove my body into a tumble drier on heavy duty…

My clothes were torn, and I looked… paler than normal? The fuck happened? I just opened my door then… then… I can’t remember…

I managed to sit up, seeing my phone was still in my hand. I checked the screen… cracked… fuck. Knew I should have gotten the screen protector and case…

It powered on and… huh. I have bars? That’s good… right?

“Uh… okay so… time to call Neoth…” I muttered

I dialed his number and waited… It rang… and rang… and rang…

Fuck… It keeps going to voicemail. Neoth come the fuck on when are you ever not picking up on the first ring?

I should just be glad I can call people at all-

My phone started ringing. Neoth!

I picked up.

“Hello?” Neoth’s voice spoke. He sounded… odd. Almost… like his voice got a bit deeper?

“Neoth, you dumb bitch, did you drug my food again? Where the fuck am I?” I asked, knowing it wasn’t really the best start but still, I’m cold, in pain and my clothes are torn to hell.

“... Sam? I… Where did we meet?” He asked.

“Gotta be specific there pal.”

“When we first met, where, when, and what did you first say to me that day?” He asked, sounding… different in his tone.

“We met at the Las Vegas Open Warhammer 40K tournament, you were cosplaying as The Emperor, you were running a rather bullshit Custodes army, I swear you cheated against my Sisters, and I kept dicking around and calling you ‘John Warhammer’, ‘Big E’, and other such joking names.”

“And after the tournament?”

“... Don’t make me say it man…”

“Please…”

I paused… I never heard Neoth… beg… “I… hit on you… don’t blame me mister built like a goddamn fridge…”

I suddenly heard Neoth yelling over the phone, yelling at who I don’t know but I could also hear loud thuds. “Stay on the line I’ll find you! No idea how this old thing is even working…” He said.

“Trust me, I don’t know either but I have bars, I have the internet, and my screen is cracked…”

“Not your phone, mine.” He replied as… Wait, what is that noise on his end? Sounds like he’s at an airport?

“When the hell did you get to the airport?” I asked.

“You’ve been… gone a while.” Neoth said simply.

“I can tell, cause it looks like hell happened here and fucked off after the place turned into a wasteland.”

“Well, that and you appear to be in… ‘Ohio’.” Neoth said, though the way he said Ohio sounded weird.

“Well, at least I upgraded my living standards.” I joked.

“I wouldn’t call Ohio an upgrade… more of a side-grade.”

“At least it's not Detroit.” I chuckled at that dumb old video I'm quoting. “How soon are you getting here?”

“Ten minutes. It looks like you aren’t that far from where I am. Just uh… try not to freak out when I arrive…”

“No promises.” I stated cause… this was weird. “Though please hurry… it is a bit tough to breathe with no plant life around here…”

I sat against a dead tree while waiting. I expected this place to be more hot than anything, but it seemed like there was this thick layer of off looking clouds up above, and the air felt harsher. I’m no stranger to pollution, but the air despite being in a desert feels almost like I’m in an industrial district…

After a bit I could hear… that… doesn’t sound like a plane or… even a helicopter?

I looked up at the sky, and just below the clouds I saw… something, flying towards me. A large metal flying… something. Not a plane or helicopter or any of that. It looked more like a square mini cargo plane but less aerodynamic and more… heavy duty. Like it was made for taking hits.

“... Is that a fucking Thunderhawk!?” I shouted incredulously, as I know the shape of that bitch anywhere!

It landed about thirty feet away from me, and out of it marched four of the golden boy Cusdotians.

And then out marched.

“WHAT THE FUCK NEOTH!?” I shouted, looking up, and up, and up at him. “YOU LOOK LIKE YOU ATE ABSOLUTE BANE!”

He paused, then burst out laughing. “Fuck I haven’t heard that joke in forever and you used Absolute Bane!? ”

“You’re fucking knee is taller than I am!” I shouted. “Also… how fucking un-origonal are you!?” I motioned to everything around me.

“Okay in my defence all this shit save… well, these guys.” He started, putting a hand on a Custodian and shaking them a little. I swear I heard them gulp. “Happened by itself. Yes I made the… other certain things, but I had no part in how the world ended up.”

“Oh I call bullshit! Is Neoth even your real name?!”

“It’s… Well, no, but it’s what my sister called me and that’s the name I prefer.” He said.

I groaned, facepalming.

“I'm still calling bullshit on you not having a hand in this, John Warhammer.” I huffed. “So, when are we before you do a massive fuck up Mr ‘because in right’?”

“My lord, why.. Do you let this baseline speak to you in such a manor?” The nearby Custodian asked.

“They are no mere baseline, they are a treasured friend, one I thought lost long before my rise to power. Should any harm come to them, then you shall suffer for it.” He said, the Custodian flinching. “Come on Sam, there is… a lot to talk about.” Neoth said, motioning to the Thunderhawk.

“Yes, there is a lot, and hopefully I can get you and some other people to see reason before we go full grim derp.” I said, getting up and walking along towards the Thunderhawk.

The ride in the Thunderhawk was… surprisingly smooth. Though with my size I felt like a toddler on the bus…

We soon arrived at a snowy mountain base where once off I was given an ugly winter jacket and pants with boots.

Ech…

“Okay so… I take it this is the time frame of the Primarch’s being created right?”

“How’d you guess that so fast?” Neoth asked as I was getting this jacket on.

“I mean, a combination of, you're taking me to a mountain range and if memory serves this is your hidden science base, and two… lucky guess? I haven’t seen any Thunder Warriors I’m just kinda spitballing here.”

“Well, at least I don’t need to explain much. Still, we’re taking you for a medical checkup first. You… have been gone for thousands of years…”

“Almost thirty thousand if I can guess…”

“... You fell into a Warp Portal, Sam.” Neoth said, making me pause as we walked into the facility.

“... How and why?”

“I don’t know. It’s a mystery that’s plagued me for over thirty thousand years… What… do you remember?”

“The last thing I remember was me trying to figure out what to play on Steam, then the power went out and I tried finding you.”

“Yes… I sensed the Warp appear in that moment but it felt… different, from normal.” Neoth admitted.

Inside the facility, Neoth walked me to a medical looking area. 

The size diffrence of everything here will never not fuck with me.

“Okay, first we need to check for Warp Corruption…”

“I don’t feel like I’m corrupted.” I admitted.

“Better safe than sorry.” Neoth said as he put a few machines around me as I sat on a medical table way to big for me.

Hmm… Might as well ask a few questions about things I missed.

“So, what did I miss while I was… ‘gone’?”

“Well, Trump died before his second term was up.”

“Thank fuck.”

“Yeah. Was yelling about Sending the army to New York or some shit then he keeled over from a heart attack.”

“I mean, I think he was doing drugs with Elon so there’s that.” I admitted. “But what else?”

“Let’s see… DeSantes tried to be president for a while but resigned after like, six months cause people just did not listen to him. Maga lasted for a few decades in small groups worshiping the cheeto like a would-be-god. Finally died out in 2072. Oh, and America fell around 2235.”

“I’m not entirely surprised.” I sighed. “Alright, so besides that… did Deltarune ever finish, did we get Half-Life 3, and what other nonsense happened?”

“Deltarune had seven chapters, Half-Life 3 came out only after a long time fan bought majority shares in steam and began making and finishing shit like the TF2 comics, Left 4 Dead 3 and other stuff.”

“Wait, I thought the TF2 Comics already ended like, in 2024?” I asked in confusion. “And I hope you saved those games cause I’m gonna have to play them all… and thank god that Steam was saved by fans instead of corpo garbage.”

“Yeah… I did set up a lot of Archive servers… I think a few are still in orbit…” He said as I looked at him. “Okay yeah you already suspected I was rich what did you expect? You live as long as I do, wealth accumulates and I mostly just used it towards causes I thought were best.”

“And that sure went somewhere as America was going to hell.” I countered.

“Eh it almost went to hell sooner but it had an okay run. At least it didn't fall as a fascist run nation.” Neoth said as he looked at a screen. “Huh… Well, that is… unexpected…”

“What’s unexpected? And are you happy things didn’t fall into a fascist run nation when your plan was to make an intergalactic Fascist Supremacy kingdom?”

“Okay first off, fuck you, secondly, turns out the Warhammer team at GW were low level psykers seeing glimpses of the future and putting it into media form, secondly, I’ve heard you scream the word ‘Clanker’ with a hard R, and third, there are differences between media and reality. But the unexpected bit is that you also now appear to be a Psyker…”

“It’s not my fault that Star Wars legitimized that as a genuine slur.” I countered. “Also… wat?”

“Yeah… these readings indicate you’re now a Psyker… and a pretty high level one at that… I know you weren’t one before. I checked…”

“I mean… fair, but what the hell changed? I doubt going through a Warp Portal just magically gives you psychic powers.”

“Not magic. But… maybe it altered you… The Warp that I sensed when that portal took you felt different than past encounters…” Neoth muttered. “You aren’t really on my level… more along the lines of… Erda.”

“Erda? She’s here?” I asked in surprise.

“Yes, down in the… Lab… She’s taken to try and call it a Nursery, but it’s hard to see it that way honestly. Test Tube babies have been grown in the past, that became a thing about a century after you vanished, but they usually were used only when either a couple was biologically unable to have a child or just unable for one reason or another. I’ve seen them a few times, but working in one… this is a first for me.”

“Shocking considering you probably dabbled in literally everything given how long lived you are.”

“There are some things that even being as long lived as I have, I don’t find a reason, want or desire to ‘dabble’ in.” He sighed. “This is new… Oh, right. Your phone?” Neoth asked as he held out a hand. I put it down in his oversized palm and he looked it over. “Interesting… Even your phone is giving off a small Psionic wavelength… That must be how when you called, mine rang.” He said, pulling out a small, almost petrified bit of plastic and metal. It looked like an electronic fossil… and it was as I realized that was his phone from back before…

“Holy hell, you still kept your old phone?”

“Used my power to keep it together, but time still degraded it. Even after backing up those old photos and such, never could part with it. Some small part of me wanted to hold onto it, so I did. Guess I know why now.” He said, giving me my phone back and I saw the screen was fixed. Woah… “Based on the readings, your phone is… linked to you, through a Psionic wavelength. How this will work… I have no idea, let alone how it’s possible.”

“I promise I won’t become that ‘in another world with my smartphone’ protagonist… god that anime was shit…” I groaned.

“Oh then you’ll be glad to have skipped the seven reboots, movie and full blown hentai take it got.”

“Oh sweet jesus.” I groaned.

“Yeah, after a while and once Copyright Laws stopped lasting like, literally centuries almost, a hard limit of twenty years was set and after that it was public domain and the public, and many companies, made porn… There’s so much porn it’s not even funny…”

“Rule 34 exists for a reason.” I admitted.

“Yeah, but Slaanesh had way too much fun there…” He groaned. “Either way… I doubt you being here now is coincidence… but I don’t feel like this is the Chaos Gods doing…”

“Depends, want to see if I can call one of them?” I asked, cause I can just imagine Tzeentch screaming ‘not planned! Not planned at all!’.

“That’s not how that works…” He sighed. “And you really shouldn’t… I know you saw it all in the games and such, but the real deal is far worse…”

“I can imagine.” I said with a raised hand. “I’m here to make sure you don’t do anything stupid.”

“And try as I might I know I’ll likely fail at keeping you from doing the same…” He groaned.

“Come on, my idea’s aren’t that bad.” I huffed.

“I seem to recall someone thinking they could cut our apartment's power bill in half with that homemade solar panel they made.”

“I didn’t see you coming up with a better idea mister ‘I’m totally not a god, so let’s dress in divine golden armor like a god’.” I countered.

“First off, this isn’t gold. Second, presentation. I’d like to think you know a thing or two about appearances given you normally take three hours to get ready to go out anywhere.”

“I blame my sisters for that.” I stated. “They think because I’m on the feminine side I need to doll myself up, when I know I should just say ‘fuck it’ and grab whatever I have… but damn it I want to look good.”

“Yeah, sure, that’s why you own enough makeup to warrant a dresser to store your options.”

“Like I said, I blame my sisters.” I stated simply. “Can’t be mad when they taught me to look like the fabulous stereotype I am.”

Neoth laughed. “Sorry, sorry just… haven’t had a conversation like this in a long time…”

I looked at Neoth… his face maybe more radiant and crap but… I know those eyes… he genuinely looks so tired … “Have you been sleeping? Also… don’t you have Malcador? He’s your best bro right?”

“Malcador is… not the same… he’s not you… No one has been quite like you… and I don’t really need to sleep…” He sighed. “Which reminds me… you’re really not gonna like that some crops went extinct…”

“You better have saved the coffee beans you prick.” I huffed.

“We have recaff.” He stated.

“That doesn’t sound like coffee… but what else went extinct?” I asked, cause I have to wonder about how that bunker with every plant seed is doing… hope it wasn’t demolished.

“Let’s see… uh… Bananas, Most forms of nuts, strawberries, vanilla, cinnamon, mangos, watermelon, tea leaves, then in terms of animals we lost goats, cows, more fish than I can list off and ducks, turkeys…” He paused, looking at me. “... You look pissed…”

“There better be replacements off world.” I growled. “Cause half of those things I like!”

“I mean… maybe?”

I groaned, rubbing my forehead. Of all the shit… how can all that be just gone !? Weren’t there like, seed vaults just for this very reason?!

“Okay, what the hell happened to the Seed Vault? And wouldn’t there be multiple more? Why didn’t you fund more vaults?”

“Some were looted. Some were lost. It’s been thirty thousand years so some are either underground by now, under the sea, and while I think some might be in space, I don’t know where, and most of the ones that did make it to space had way less than the ones made here. Not to mention at the rate shit was dying off…”

“Well, you can fucking warp reality, yes I know what I said, can’t you just… pop them back into existence?”

“That’s not how that works. I have to use the Warp’s energy to craft it into being… and, actually come to think of it…” He hummed.

“What up?”

“Well, it just now occurred to me that I can bring all that back. I’ve seen, tasted and learned about them all in great detail over the years…”

“Bruh.” I groaned. “Are you for real?”

“Oh I’m sorry I’m trying not to do shit that will make people think I’m a god.”

“And by being a twenty foot tall brick of a man that literally radiates light isn’t a cause to think that?” I asked incredulously.

“Oh I’m sorry, is there a guide book I should have read?”

I actually stared at him.

“Shut up!” He huffed, crossing his arms. “This shit isn’t exactly easy either…”

I sighed, looking down. “... Why not play into it?”

“Fucking what?” He asked, looking at me.

“Play into it, but not in the way a Cult Leader would. More like, yeah, you can do all this crap and it’s God-Like, but you’re no god. You’re more useful than that.”

Neoth looked at me, then chuckled. “That… kind of sounds like it could be fun if I play at it right…”

“I mean, to be perfectly honest you could have just done Buddhism and been done with it.”

“Did you know he makes killer tea?” Neoth asked.

“I’m… not fucking surprised you’ve actually met the guy…”

“I’ve met a lot of people.” He shrugged. “But you’re gonna help me with this shit.”

“I was going to anyways, especially given I know the Lore.” I countered.

“And you help keep me from repeating shit and letting things get to my head…” He sighed. “I guess for now I can get a quarters set up for you while working on, well, reviving plants and stuff, then we can plan things out in better detail.”

“Yeah, I’m gonna need a long talk with you, Mal and Erda… oh boy…”

“Oh and just a heads up, I’m 90% sure Malcador is gonna hate you.”

“Why would he hate me? I’m adorable.”

“Your personality for starters… I can already envision you two getting into a fist fight… and it’s kind of hilarious to be honest…”

“I doubt it would come to fists when he can possibly force choke me to death.” I countered nervously. “Nearly did to Horus when he almost mentioned one of the lost primarch’s names.”

“Shush!” Neoth yelped at me. “That, none of that has happened yet and over the years I’ve learned some bullshit about Time Travel and how that crap works, and you never just say it out loud like that.”

“We’re going to make sure it doesn’t happen.” I stated.

“Yes but- Okay I’ll fill you in on what I can after you’ve rested up and eaten. And try not to activate any Psyker abilities when I’m not around. The readings say you are on par with Erda but I’m not sure how well you can control it.”

“I promise I won’t do something weird and explode my head.” I said.

“Right- Also, no sex. There’s so many new STD’s now adays and you’d die instantly.”

“Mother fucker, how the shit have you not gotten rid of all STD’s?” I groaned.

“Viruses evolve, blame humanity being nasty and the other more obvious guy.” 

“Gene editing should have just removed it entirely…”

“For Custodes and Astartes, yes… for normal humans… nope.”

“That sucks…”

“Yeah… well, all that aside let’s get you to a room.”

I nodded. “Yeah, a room to rest would be nice after… all this.” I admitted.

The room I got was… well, a room. Bed, Toilet… and two small wall shelves and a trunk.

God I already miss my stuff…

“... Never before have I ever feel this way, without all my comforts…” I thought bitterly.

I sighed, sitting on the- fucking hell this bed is like cardboard…

One step at a time Sam… just hope I can make this place a little less grim dark helping Neoth.

“I mean, literally talking bare fucking minimum makes this timeline less grimdark…” I thought, as Neoth being a good father would immediately help, talking to the Eldar would immediately help… jesus christ I forgot how basic communication would have solved so much …

I sat on the rather hard bed. There’s… a lot to do… still have no idea how the fuck I got here, or even that I apparently traveled through the Warp itself… and now I’m a fucking Psyker?!

“Seriously, how the hell am I a psyker!? Fucking hell there’s… a lot going on…”

Okay… I need to think… Neoth mentioned something about learning about Time stuff so what can I even work towards avoiding? The Heresy? Fuck can I even avoid that? Would the Primarch’s even listen to me?

“I mean, the Heresy started cause half the Primarch’s were treated like shit so just some basic kindness might go a long way…” I thought honestly. “Just… if they do get thrown to god knows where, have to rush towards Angron first so he doesn’t get the Nails…”

And if not… I have to help them avenge their found family at least… I know it should have been possible for the Nail to be removed, if not surgically than Neoth could do so with his abilities.

… I just also have to make sure Neoth doesn’t turn out like that other version of himself…

I scratched my head and tried to think more on this cause… fucking hell. “Ugh! It’s so complicated…”

Okay… First things first… I should meet Erda… If I can stop her from sending the Primarch’s away then I can avoid so much shit…

Speaking of… they’re being created right now… In this very facility…

I immediately rushed out of my room. “If I can prevent them being scattered, maybe I can help make things better.” I thought quickly as I ran around the place to find where the Primarch’s tubes are.

I arrived to a large room, twenty tubes all in near perfect rows, ten in two with numbers on them.

Woah… Wait, then… that means the other two missing ones are… here…

“It’s good to see you again.” I jumped, turning as… Erda. Heh… weird to think that one shop owner was… woah. “I see you haven’t changed a day.” She chuckled. Her tanned skin, light brown eyes and black hair seemed to almost match her plane, unassuming robes.

“I mean, you finally got a tan like I told you about Samantha.” I chuckled.

“I’ve always had one. Illusions are a useful tool to master when you are as long lived as myself.” She said simply. “I must admit, when your call came, I thought I went insane. I haven’t heard a phone ring in… well, thousands of years.”

“I can imagine, going from a mini computer or a brick to whatever nanotech bullshit you had in this future would have made anyone go… wait, does Neoth still have his old ringtone?” I asked, needing to know if that stupid song was still there.

“Yes… I’ve never experienced such audible whiplash before…”

“Ha!” I laughed. “Love it, by the way, is Pedro around?”

“Not at the moment.” She shook her head. “But he’s around. So, what do you think?” She asked, motioning to the tubes. “The boys aren’t fully developed yet. Right now they’re biomass surrounded the… Minor Deities that Neoth had to obtain.”

“We need to make sure they aren’t kidnapped.” I stated bluntly. “Or… at least have a good way to find them all fast enough if they do.”

“Huh… that’s… an odd concern but there are methods I suppose.”

“Thank you.” I sighed. “Just… if there was a weird ass reason for me being here, I’m here to make sure things don’t get worse.”

“I suppose it’s a possibility. Like Neoth, I don’t believe the Warp Gods are at play here… this is not their normal methods.”

“Yeah… too many weird things are happening.”

“I’ve seen many weird things happen over the years. This isn’t that bad.”

“What have you witnessed that’s weirder than someone being thrown out of time to this degree?”

“... Let’s just say that there was a race of Cthulhu looking aliens that Humanity met before the collapse and… well, their bodies were rather human-like but also about as tall as Neoth is now in some instances… on average they were ten feet tall and were both land and water adaptable… I don’t think I need to explain what happened after they began integrating…”

“Humanity integrates with Aliens through the power of horny I see.” I chuckled.

“Yes… Not the first time either…”

Given what I also know regarding Guilliman… Yeah…

“I mean… it’s probably just fannon but you never know…” I thought carefully. “Right, so just have to… hopefully get into contact with at least whatever alien life that won’t immediately want us dead for whatever reason…”

“Would you like to see the projected appearances of them?” She asked.

“Yes please.” I nodded.

She nodded, walking over to one of the tubes as I followed. The small screen on a control panel of sorts showing a 3D rendering of… Oh yeah, that’s Horus alright.

Huh… I looked up between the pool of Biomass and minor warp divinity and the screen.

Why does this… not feel right?

I frowned. “Um… you sure this is right?” I asked carefully.

“It’s what’s predicted he will look like. Why?”

I frowned. I know this is what Horus looked like but… something just feels… wrong… like… the form isn’t fully representative of the soul… or the divine?

… That’s a concerning sensation I’ve never had before…

“Um… are… you all sure it’s… the right divine?” I asked carefully, scratching my head as my head felt… weird.

“It’s a minor warp god… what do you mean ‘right divine’?”

“Well… is it the correct one for Horus?” I inquired. “Cause… okay, not to sound like that guy , but are you sure the bodies are forming around the warp god and not the other way around?”

“They… are not named yet.” Erda started. “But, what do you mean?”

“Sorry, I’m giving spoilers but… ugh , how do I explain this without sounding like some weirdo on Twitter?” I groaned, scratching my head with both hands.

“Do you mind?” She asked, holding out her hands to me.

“Go ahead but… be careful, I was told I am now a Psyker.”

“I know… I just want to check something.” She said, putting her hands to my temples. I felt a small migrain come over be before- Woah- what the!? Why does her… whatever that is on/in/over her look like that?! “Fascinating. You can see Soul Traits.” She said, letting go as my vision returned to normal.

“And… why do you look like three different you’s but at different ages?” I asked, having seen the old Crone of Ice, the Young Girl with a Sickle, and herself but more darker skin with a staff.

“Soul Traits are aspects of oneself that are reflected and unfiltered. When you live as long as I do, you gain and grow them with lots of experiences. Still, they are not easy to see, especially as you age. They are easier seen in youth. You must be able to sense and see what kinds of minor gods these Primarch’s souls are or were.”

“Right, so that’s why…” I hummed. “Still really weird though… why do I have this ability?”

“I don’t know. I’ve known many Psykers over the years, but few had this level of depth with Soul Aspect viewing as you seem to have.”

“Interesting…” I frowned. “Well… I suppose I should help with the Soul Traits?”

“Yes. Neither Neoth nor I have the clarity to see the Soul Traits, but if you can see them then you can ensure their bodies are truly compatible with them.”

“Awesome… and considering I also know the ‘lore’... gonna hopefully make a brighter future here.”

“Lore?”

“Erda, Samantha, Sammy, my great friend… 40K.” I stated.

“You know I hate video games.”

“It’s a book series and a tabletop war game as well.” I brought up.

“Never read those books, and I don’t like Tabletops either… too much math…”

“Says the one that ran a business…”

“And I handled advertising and keeping stock of goods. Math and taxes were Perdo’s area.”

I sighed. “Alright alright.” I shook my head with a chuckle. “... Feels like back home with you saying you ‘hate math’.”

“Yeah… it still pisses Neoth to no end when I say Math is Sorcery.” She chuckled.

“Because Math isn’t Sorcery, especially when you get grumpy over basic addition.”

“I was born back when people worshiped the sun and sacrificed goats. Sue me.” She huffed, rolling her eyes before walking over and grabbing some sort of tablet. “Now then, let’s get to seeing these special souls. Tell me, what do you see here for… Horus, was it?” She asked.

I nodded, looking back to the tube. 

Okay… Wolf. The soul is largely in the shape of a wolf.

“It’s in the shape of a Wolf, which makes sense given his Legion is called the Luna Wolves.” I admitted.

“Really? Also you know none of what you’re telling me has been said before yet right?”

“Luna Wolves were the name given by Big E due to how well they took control of the Moon, so while you might not know of it, Neoth does.” I stated. “And yes, I am sure that he has the spirit of the wolf.”

“Hmm… interesting.” She hummed, typing things. “Next then.”

I did this for all the Primarch’s. Next… Wait, the Second Primarch… There’s nothing known about them at all… Why are they a Moth and… female?

“Hey, why is this one female?” I inquired. “Weren’t all of them supposed to be male?”

“It’s set to make a male body.” Erda said, walking up to the consol. “You said its soul is radiating female?”

“Uh… the Soul is a Moth, and no… it says female here.” I pointed to the screen showing that it did say it was set to Female.

“What?” She said, looking at the screen. “That… isn’t what it was set to… Could it have forced the machine to make it a body the gender it wanted?”

“Maybe it was Malcador fucking with it? What I know is that Malcador thought twenty sisters would have been a lot better than twenty brothers… completely showing he’s never had sisters.” I shuddered. “So… maybe Mal wanted at least one girl to spite Big E? Sometimes bro’s do that.”

“No, he doesn’t have the codes to alter the forms… I’ll talk to Neoth about it…”

I nodded. Well, up next… Leman Russ… Wolf-like too, but different… more… feral, compared to Horus’s…

“Well, this guy is more of a Feral Wolf than anything, which makes sense considering what might happen to him.” I admitted. “Space Wolves.”

“Alright.” Erda nodded.

Next, Ferrus Manus. Huh… interesting. The soul seems rather content with the body…

“Well, Iron Hand here’s soul is rather content with the body it’s in.” I admitted. “Wait, his name is Ferrus Manus.”

“That’s the same thing, who the fuck named him that?”

“Don’t remember, been a while since I last read Gorgon of Medusa, but all I remember is that he has metal arms when he grows up so … yeah.”

Okay next… Fulgrim… Huh, he looks a lot like his Demon Prince form only more… huh…

Wait, he looks almost just like the Laer from his book…

… Oh fuck was he there god?!

“... A Laer…” I said slowly.

“A what?” Erda asked.

“A Xeno race of Lamia people, who are… devoted to Slaanesh…” I said carefully. “But in the… Perfectionist route, not in the other horrid shit she gets herself up to…”

“Huh. Alright, snake-like then.” 

“Yes… but now I have to wonder if Neoth saved this guy, or if this is what caused the Laer to become corrupted by Slaanesh?”

“I guess if that is the case then we’ll have to correct that issue.”

“We might already be too late though, but I have no idea.” I sighed. “Plus… this is… ‘future knowledge’ that might screw with something or another cause that’s what Big E said.”

“Why do you call Neoth that? I figured he’s still just be Neoth to you.”

“Because I can now make fun of him with all the fan names for the Emperor, all the way back when I first met him cosplaying as the Emperor with a rather silly Custodian list that somehow was winning when Custodian’s were… not in the best spot on the tabletop.”

She rolled her eyes but we moved on.

Next is Vulkan and… woah…

… Space Dragon…

“Space Dragon, that is… very apt and very cool.”

“A dragon?”

“Yep, an actual dragon, which makes complete sense given the Warp or Sea of Souls is… supposed to be based on the greater creation’s mental states so why wouldn’t they?” I brought up. “Vampires exist.”

“Don’t remind me of those assholes.” Erda groaned.

“Had a run in with them?”

“On several occasions… Long before you were born though.”

“Not surprising considering how long you’ve been alive.” I admitted.

Alright, now for Rogal Dorn…

… Why does it kind of look like a Pangolin?

“I… didn’t expect a Pangolin of all things.” I said in surprise.

“I had one of those as a pet once. Adorable little things.” Erda chuckled.

“Right, well I suppose that explains his propensity of defense.” I admitted.

Alright, now onto Guilliman. Let’s see here… Honestly, it seems content with the body… no other noticeable features.

“And here we have another one that is perfectly content.” I admitted.

Alright, now onto Magnus… Interesting… The Warp energy it’s giving off is very potent.

Huh… kind of looks… like a Cheetah?

“Ah, I see why he had such a problem with his studies, he’s a Cheetah, he’s got the zoomies.” I chuckled.

“To be fair, most children do. Demi-Gods or not.” Erda chuckled.

Okay now for Sanquinius. The golden ‘mutant’ child of… woah…

His soul looked like… a humanoid angel of blood, curled into a teardrop shape with its form…

Then its eyes opened, looking at me and I fell back. A wave of… terror hitting me like its gaze alone told me it wanted to end me…

“Are you alright?” Erda asked, helping me up.

“Uh… so uh… I once thought that…” I gulped. “Sanguinius here had… two Warp Gods… one a Reaper of Rage, the other an Angel of Hope… but… all I saw… was… an angel of blood…” I coughed, swallowing back bile. “Fuck that’s… that’s… not cosher…”

“Interesting… I didn’t feel or sense anything…” She noted.

I gave one more quick look to the, well, literal blood angel, and its eyes were closed again as if resting.

I quickly moved onto Lion El Johnson. And unsurprisingly he looks like… a Manticore?!

“Where the hell did you find a Manticore?” I asked in surprise.

“It was one of the minor warp gods Neoth took. These souls and a lot of knowledge he stole right from Tzeetch’s library.”

“Sounds about right… which also explains his lion motif and also his strength…”

“Alright, up next, Mortarion.” I hummed as the next tank showed me… Well that’s interesting. It kind of looks like… a dying tree with new plants growing on and over it… “A dying tree with plants growing around it? Interesting.”

“Sounds rather hopeful if I’m being honest.” Erda commented.

With a nod, next up is Lorgar. Oh boy- Woah… That’s… interesting… A biblically accurate angel with eyes of varying religious symbols…

Huh…

“... Okay, so he expected there to be no religion… and he shoved the biblically accurate angel with all the different religious symbols into this one…”

“And like that I’m never gonna let Neoth forget this.” 

“I mean, it gets worse when this one here is sent to a world of religion and basically went ‘while the Chaos God’s are real, they’re cringe, my Dad is the true god’... cause ya know, twelve foot tall man radiating pure gold and psychic power certainly leads to ‘I’m just a human’ right?”

“Oh then you are in for some stories I’ll tell you about later.” Erda chuckled.

A smirked, moving over to the next, Jaghatai Khan. Huh, a Griffon? That’s unexpected.

“Surprised Jhagatai is a Griffon… though also… not entirely?” I said vaguely.

“Oh I had one of those as a pet too.”

“I mean… genetic manipulation must have been massive in the future when everything didn’t go sideways…”

“This was back in early BC times.”

“... The fuck?” I asked, looking at Erda. “The fuck you mean mystical creatures existed in BC time?”

“Some were aliens, some were natural made, some were randomly mutated cause Warp or Psykers. They popped up here and there, stories were made, then were either killed or died off for one reason or another. It happens way more often than you’d think.”

“Well that’s upsetting that we didn’t have any of those cool creatures in modern day.”

“Yeah, the more scientific a race gets the less Psykers are born. It’s this weird thing but every so often there’s an influx of science and Psykers and it all just either goes well or goes poorly.”

Huh… well, now let’s see… Ah, Perturabo…

“... This bitch’s soul is making a Lego Train Set, how ?” I asked incredulously, cause while their content it’s… “Oh no… this poor boy has soul bound autism…”

Erda burst out laughing.

I laughed a little too. Other than that the Soul seemed alright with the body.

Okay now onto Konrad Curze. Huh. It looks like a crow, which does fit.

“Konrad being a Crow makes sense… though surprised not a bat considering…” I hummed.

Alright, next up is Angron. And… why does this look… kind of like a Corgi?

I had to stifle a laugh. ‘Why is Angron a Corgi?”

“Oh my gosh, I loved those dogs.” Erda beamed.

“Alright, so Angron is an Empathetic Corgi, that’s hilarious.”

Now just need to make sure he never turns into a rage beast.

Alright, next is Corvus Corax. Yeah, that’s a raven. That’s about what I expected.

“Right, so Corvus Corax has the Spirit of the Raven.” I answered.

“... That’s… that’s just… the Genus name and the Greek name of Raven…”

“Congratulations, Warhammer was created by British people.”

“They were Psyker… nevermind.” Erda groaned.

Okay, the eleventh and other unknown Primarch… Woah… their soul looks… it kind of reminds me of a zoo, taking shapes of various animals and such…

“Huh, kinda reminds me of Beast Boy from Teen Titans.”

“Teen-what?”

“Old cartoon show from the two thousands, such a wonderful show and… then they fucked it up…”

“All the more reason I’m glad I rarely watched TV back in the day.” She shrugged.

Alright, lastly, Alpharius Omegon. Woah… No wonder the one became two… This looks like two embryos linked by the umbilical cord.

“Well, I didn’t expect Pisces to be here.” I admitted.

“Two souls that act as one?” Erda asked.

“Yeah, it’s kind of why he goes by Alpharius Omegon… because he’s Alpharius and Omegon… and this is not a lie.” I said, earning a groan from Erda.

“Can you not make that joke? It was old when you first said it.”

“No.” I chuckled.

“I’ll send this to Neoth. This will help a lot.”

“Yes it will.” I nodded. “Glad to be of help… I really don’t want to see these kids… end up in shitty situations…”

To be continued...

Chapter Text

“This information on the Minor Warp Gods is quite valuable… would modifying their bodies be best though?” Neoth asked as he and I were not standing in the lab, or Nursery, as Erda calls it.

“I mean, not sure?” I admitted carefully, cause from what I know is that half the primarch’s went to shit because of their upbringing, but if we manage to not have them get kidnapped by the Chaos Gods then it might turn out well. “I still barely know why I have these powers so best take it with a grain of salt… also again, why is Angron’s Spirit Animal a Corgi?”

“How the fuck should I know? I just grabbed twenty of them and stuffed them into a bag before then raiding the library while four very angry Chaos Gods were on my ass.” 

“Well… fucking…” I groaned. “Alright, let’s just focus here, maybe at least… give them an animal feature or two? I don’t know…”

“... Did Erda tell you about the Furry Era?”

I stared at Neoth.

“Ex…fucking… scuse you?” I asked slowly.

“Okay look, Gene splicing got very popular, at first it helped cure illnesses and aided in cosmetic surgeries then it got more commonplace then suddenly humans with animal features were walking around… or flying… or swimming… and some were just humanoid looking animals, it was a whole thing for a while.”

“Huh… didn’t expect the suspiciously wealthy furries to take over the world for a bit.”

“Take over is a bit much, just became commonplace.” He shrugged. “But I guess… I think playing into what the Minor Gods represent might allow them stronger, more durable bodies if they reflect the inner entities inside.”

“Sure just uh… be careful with Sanguineous… that… it… looked at me and I wanted to run…”

“... Skill Issue?” Neoth asked with a shit eating grin.

“You have an angel infant of pure blood give you a look of undiluted want to murder and come back to me on ‘skill issue’.” I huffed.

“Yes.” He kept grinning.

“You’re an idiot.” I huffed, knowing I should mention Drac’Nyen but I’d rather not figure out if speaking it’s name would invoke it here.

“That’s purely your influence on me.” He chuckled.

I rolled my eyes. “Alright, so we’re turning your general’s and or children, whichever you see it, into furries.”

“How the fuck did this turn into your browser history?”

“And you can go fuck yourself.”

He chuckled and showed me a bit on how the pods work, and how he began modifying aspects of the bodies forming to give them the characteristics of their souls.

Okay that’s done… What can I do between now and… impending incidents…

There has to be something…

I was walking down the hall when I spotted one of the Astartes standing outside Erda’s door. His armor was plane, unpainted and held no signs of a legion or placement. Just… L-E-2…

“That tag sounds familiar…” I thought. “Hello there.” I said to the legionnaire.

His response was to point his bolter right at my head- Jesus christ that barrel is the size of my head. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you assclown!?” I shouted, raising my hands up.

“Leetu!” Erda called, and he raised the bolter up as she exited her room. “I’m sorry Sam… Leetu is… protective.” 

“Protective my ass, he’d probably shoot Big E too if he walked near your door.” I huffed.

“I have.” Leetu informed.

I blinked at him.

“You really should try to get along better with your father…” Erda sighed.

“First off, I just said hi to him! ” I pointed accusingly to the guy. “And he pointed a gun at me like I somehow insulted you on some core level.”

“He doesn’t trust people… Especially not anyone who works with Neoth…”

“So he’s a momma’s boy?”

“I mean… I am his mother so… yes?” 

… Wait… I looked up at Leetu again… is… he… actually Erda and Neoth’s son?!

“... How did it fit?” I asked in dismay, seeing Erda’s face turn completely red at that.

“Sam!” She smacked my shoulder. “For your information, Leetu was grown in a tube. The… Egg and Sperm were extracted.” She huffed.

“You didn’t give me context so I had to assume.” I managed. “So why does Leetu hate Big E?”

“That’s uh… uh…” Erda started.

“He ordered me and several of my brothers to exterminate the remaining Thunder Warriors, as well as countless human settlements that were under the flags of enemy factions.” Leetu said. “I ripped children and infants from the arms of their parents before slaughtering them, just so the children could become the next batch of Astartes or slaves.” Leetu said.

Ooh…

“Well, the Thunder Warrior’s bit was to stop them from going berserk… the rest is… war stuff I don’t know about.”

“Clearly. I can still hear their pleas for mercy, begging to live to stay with their children.”

“Right…” I said slowly.

“So… what brings you here Sam?” Erda asked.

“I was walking.” I answered.

“Oh… well, are you looking for something to do or…?”

“Just lost in thought cause I don’t know what to do to prevent the incoming disaster that is the Primarch’s getting kidnapped.” I sighed. “Also, some of the Primarch’s are gonna become furries.”

“... I don’t know how to feel about that…” 

“What? To the Primarch’s turning into furries?”

“Yes.”

“Well, the planet went through its Furry Arc so I’m just helping bring it back.”

“Well, I guess if it helps the souls bond to the bodies.” Erda hummed. “So… are you going to move on or…?”

“Unless you know where we can find Blanks real quick, I have to continue… mozying.”

“... Well, no Blanks but I do know where you can maybe find something to do that might interest you.”

“What up?”

“Well… One moment.” She said, returning to her room then came back with an all black metallic cube. “Here… This is a tool that helps Psykers to practice manifesting their abilities and getting a feel for it while also minimizing the risks of Warp Exposure.”

“What kind of metal is this?” I asked, gently taking the cube cause this kind of reminds me of Necron metal.

“It’s a very rare metal, it’s phased through the warp and absorbed enough of its energy to become malleable by it, but not enough to directly conduct it.”

“That sounds a little like Wraith Bone before it got retconned…” I admitted carefully as I looked over the cube and I suppose tried to use some form of psychic power on it.

It then bent at my touch, feeling more like… playdough.

“Huh, interesting. Acts kinda like psychic playdough.” I admitted.

“The fact you can make it do that so easily proves your Psychic abilities are quite potent.” Erda noted.

“Still have no idea what caused this or why my phone is still fully functional…” I groaned. “Warp fuckery at its finest…” I grumbled as I kept up my careful actions to not suddenly have this thing fly into the wall at the speed of an unstrapped Wiimote.

I blinked as it suddenly turned into a Wii Remote.

… Huh…

“... Um… okay?” I questioned as I then thought about changing it into a slinky.

It then changed into one. I then began to play with it.

“Impressive… you have a natural control over it… It took me twenty years to master basic Psionic abilities.” Erda hummed.

“I don’t know…” I said weakly. “I swear, I’m not doing this on purpose.”

“That’s often the main issue with Psykers. Most acts are unintentional and driven by emotions.”

“Well, best make sure we set up school’s in the future cause I am not going to have witch hunts again.” I huffed.

“Those have been on and off over the centuries… but, fair enough.”

“The sooner people understand that powers aren’t necessarily evil, the better.”

“Hmm… actually. Come with me. I need to see just how well your control really is.” Erda said, walking while pushing me along. Leetu walking in… scary silence for being that big and armored behind us…

“How is he so stealthy in power armor?” I asked nervously.

“Sound dampening alloys in the soles of his armor as well as around the ankle and knee joints.” Erda said. “Neoth’s design. He and the others are the… blueprints, that future Astartes warriors will follow… I just wish the process wasn’t so painful…”

“Why does it have to be painful?” I asked.

“All the surgeries, organ implantations, gene seeds… it’s a lot of work to turn a normal human into an Astartes.”

Right… The process takes years, months of surgeries on and off, constant training…

… There has to be a means of making it… less that nonsense…

“I’ll ask Neoth about it, cause I’m sure there’s a way to make it less… bad .” I admitted.

“Well, there is one method I thought of…”

“What’s the method, magic lady?”

“Don’t call me that… but, long ago I received a vision from the Warp itself. I saw monsters, they were almost like insects but far more… they ravaged worlds, slaughtering just to eat the dead and from that, birth more of their kind.”

Tyranids…

“The way I saw them reproduce gave me an idea, rather than surgeries and hormone therapies, instead we could incubate the body. In a programmable primordial soup of biomass and blank cells that grow and merge the body in their incubation pods that would over time, maybe a year at most, turn a normal human into an astartes, similar to a chrysalis turning a caterpillar into a butterfly.”

“... While that’s… an idea… those were the Tyranids, the Great Devourer outside our Galaxy that has… most likely devoured dozen’s of other Galaxies…”

“Oh… well, that’s concerning. But the idea would work, and have a far higher success rate… the issue is actually creating the means to have that happen to the person and still emerge as them and not a blank slate…”

“Well better than the Daemonculaba… that… that’s fucking awful…” I said weakly, shuddering at remembering reading that book on a dare for Halloween.

“Uh… right. Well, come along then.” Erda said as we walked outside to the dry, cold air. “Are you ready for a lesson, Sam?”

“Ready as I can be.” I answered.

She nodded, walking to the snow as she kneeled down, moving a hand as reality seemed to morph and change around the area. The snow melted and once it did, a small patch of grass grew in place followed quickly by a small sproutling.

“Cool.”

“Now, you do the same.”

“Uh… I just have to… imagine grass cropping up?”

“A little more than that. You know how a plants biology works, yes?”

“More or less.” I admitted.

“Imagine that first. The cells, all the parts that make them up, then, one by one begin to build them in your mind, and make them take shape into the plant you wish. It’s the same for shifting the snow to melt. Whether that’s through creating heat or forcing the ice crystals to return to liquid state. Anyone with Psionic abilities can make things shift or move, but to really master it, you have to know what makes up the material world, and use that immaterial power to build it at its foundations.”

“Well, if you say so.” I said carefully, kneeling down and putting a hand on the ground as I tried to imagine this very difficult thing, trying to build up the plant like I was using lego’s cause while I do know it’s biology, I suppose visualising it like this would make it easier?

The snow where I was focusing on began to shift and move, clearing out space where a patch of grass began to sprout. It wasn’t forming exactly like Erda’s but it was growing.

Woah… I… I did it!

“Holy crap it worked!”

“That’s very good. When you understand how the material world works, using the immaterial energies of the warp to create or modify existing matter becomes fairly simple. But the more you pull, the more unstable it can become. After all, the warp is unstable by its very nat-” Erda was speaking before my grass patch erupted into towering thick green vines that soon went over and down the mountain across many sides.”-ure… How…” She muttered, looking around and poking at one of the grass vines.”

“... I… I don’t know …”

“The fuck happened here?!” We both turned, seeing Neoth walk out of the facility. He then paused as Leetu raised his bolter and unloaded it on him.

Each round just bounced off him… even the headshots. 

“You know that doesn’t work on me, Leetu.” Neoth huffed.

“One of these days…” Leetu muttered in reply.

Neoth rolled his eyes then walked over to us. “So… the fuck happened?”

“It appears Sam’s Psionic abilities have… potent after effects.” Erda said.

“I swear I didn’t do this on purpose… also, Leetu, we’re gonna need to talk about your want to murder Neoth here.”

Neoth walked over and picked up one of the grass vines. “Interesting… They’re not mutated… these appear to just… have been aged. As if allowed to evolve over time in an instant.”

“I didn’t think the Warp could do that.” Erda said.

“Not naturally… where the Warp energy more primal or pre-corruption then maybe…” Neoth muttered.

“But… the only place in the Warp that wouldn’t be corrupted or Primal… uh… has only been mentioned like… twice in the lore technically …” I said, as it was one massive sticking point that is just… there but never really explored and it annoyed the piss out of me.

“Yes… which might actually explain why you came out only with Psionic abilities and no mutations or madness…”

“Which seems… extra weird cause… no Material Being can go there and… that’s how Kairos became what they are…” I said carefully, remembering the excerpt from a book that mentioned it was a place that no amount of protection or gellar fields could defend, where the Astronomicon is completely hidden…

“You’re still thinking in terms of media, Sam.” Neoth sighed. “The truth is… more complicated.”

“... The Deep Warp… what do you know?”

“Not much… it’s best I show you.” Neoth said, motioning for me to follow as I did.

I walked with him into an armored library of sorts where he walked to a safe in the wall he began typing in a very long numerical code into. When it opened he reached in and pulled out a simple scroll of old leather before closing the safe.

“What is it? And… do you think I’m… still me?” I asked, cause if Kairos wasn’t what they were after entering…

“I know you’re still you, Sam. Mainly because I know that last night you tried using one of the terminals to search up porn.” He said, and I jumped and blushed. “As for what this is… this is, technically speaking, a map.”

He placed it onto a table and unrolled it. The images displayed vast jagged lines stretching across the paper in directions and dimensions that normal images can’t display… but it did, and the lower it went, at a certain point they changed from jagged and wild to more… calm, organic… almost like… roots?

“I… know it was said to be… living, but these look like roots.” I pointed out.

“Yes. This is a map of the Warp, one I stole from Tzeetch’s library when I also stole the Minor Warp Gods.” Neoth said. “The roots here represent the Deep Warp, where it began and connected to reality, and then you get to these jagged changes here… this was the War in Heaven. The influx of negativity and pained murdered souls mutating it into what we know today… but this map tells more than just that…”

“I am getting really concerned here…”

“Each point to these ‘branches’ and each root link somewhere… and it’s all not necessarily into our universe. Due to the Warp’s nature, it reaches into our universe and others across all time at random points, and only a few fixed points.”

“Oh goodie… that sounds like a great headache…” I grumbled, already trying to think of all this multiverse theory crap. “Well, Multiverse theory it is I guess.”

“It’s fact, actually.”

“Super fun, so technically my future knowledge can still work out to prevent possible bad outcomes.” I admitted.

“Yes, but it’s also how I know you’re still my Sam.” Neoth said. “The closer to the Deep Warp one gets the more fixed the pathways are. In short, one can use the Warp to traverse the Multiverse, but due to the pure, fixed nature of the Deep Warp, it’s more likely for one to exit out in the same reality they entered from. It’s the chaotic nature of the post-War in heaven Warp that allows easier multiverse travel, as well as the jumps through time, turning lightyears into months travel. How ironic that the thing that turned the Warp into what we know today allowed it to become the best means of space travel. This also explains how you jumped many thousands of years in such a short time.”

“I thought all of this was the surface of the warp?” I questioned.

“It’s hard to explain in just words…”

I sighed. “I know, sorry… this is just one complicated thing after another…”

“There always is. The point is though, that we’ve never seen how the effects of ‘Pure Warp’ untainted by the madness the War in Heaven caused it. I believe this is why your abilities are far more… potent, than others. For lack of better words, when you fell into that Warp Portal, you were baptized in pure, uncorrupted Warp energy, and emerged a Psyker of talent on par with Erda, possibly even myself. This must mean rather than drawing power from the warp as a whole, you likely draw power directly from the Deep Warp.”

“So, I should still play it safe and not do stupid shit.” I said carefully. “Don't want to accidentally call upon some Deep Warp Entity…”

“Well, we don’t know how the Deep Warp works really. It’s still a great mystery, even to those that call the Warp their home.”

“Yeah, doesn't help how vague GW made it all…”

“Yeah, well untrained minor psykers aren’t the most reliable for the most part.”

“True…” I sighed. “So, figure out how one of the Primarchs turned into a girl?”

“It wasn’t Malcador. According to the system the genetic structuring just… changed itself. That one’s soul must have a powerful will. Honestly, I approve.”

“Well that's weird.” I frowned. “But as long as she doesn't do anything stupid when she grows up it should be fine.”

“I suppose. You are the one obsessed with ensuring the Warhammer future you remember doesn’t become reality after all.”

“Because I don't want your golden plated ass’s life becoming the galaxies biggest Greek tragedy ever.” I huffed. “Plus, the future is shit because you couldn't be a good dad for five seconds.”

“Not like I got to have a fatherly role model for very long in my own childhood…”

“Alright, then if we retract being a dad, than you fucking up as a generally decent person is the problem.” I admitted. 

“You’d be amazed how on and off manners are with humanity each generation. It’s kind of wild.”

“I mean, there’s also the Sensei.” I admitted. “Unless GW didn’t correctly guess you had biological children the old fashion way?”

“I had a few…” Neoth admitted. “Not really including Leetu and such…”

“Glad to know you actually fuck, my guy.” I teased with a grin. “No ‘only test tube babies’ for you.”

“This coming from the guy who’s amazon wishlist had a ‘two foot-” 

I threw a book at him, stopping him as he was cackling now.

“Eat my ass.” I groaned. “That never happened and you know it! Also stop going through my internet history!”

“You were presumed dead and I had to pack your stuff. I saw and know everything. ” Neoth said and I paled.

“... Please no…”

He rolled his eyes and then rolled the scroll back up. “Either way, if your abilities are fueled by the Deep Warp rather than normal Warp energy then that means we need to study it. The Deep Warp is still largely unknown.” Neoth stated as he put the scroll back into the wall safe before locking it back up.

—

The tests were pretty standard. The more I used these abilities the easier it got. While growing plants still left me making a small forest, it ended up being beneficial.

I made a grove of apple trees for a nearby village, and well, the people here have never seen a living tree before, let alone tasted an apple.

I watched from the top of the transport as the people were picking the apples. Heh…

“I see you are the Sam I was informed about.” I turned, looking up a bit as an ancient man with some mechanical implants wearing a red cloak walked up to me. A large staff in hand.

Malcador…

“Sup.” I nodded to the old man.

“The Emperor spoke of you often. I will admit, I had my doubts when it was stated that you returned.”

“Well, hopefully he said good things about me…”

“He spoke of you akin to how one speaks of a sibling, or how I suppose siblings would speak of one another.” He said, shrugging a bit. “Must be jarring, to jump from one era of human history to another.”

“You have no idea.” I sighed. “Especially when the era of human history had this as a table top war game…”

“Perhaps not, but I have lived long enough to see the world change from one era to another.”

“True.” I admitted. “And I have heard you’ve been Neoth’s good friend while I’ve been away?”

“Friend might be a tad far… truth be told, I don’t think The Emperor likes keeping people that close. He always outlives them.”

“Well, that’s the problem with being ageless.”

“Immortality is a curse disguised as a blessing. I’m not even a fraction of his age, yet I’ve seen it first hand with my extended lifespan. Sometimes I wonder if I should have died long before now.”

“You have other’s that understand your pain and are here to give you friendship.” I admitted.

“I doubt that.” He said, looking out at all the apple trees. “I remember when they went extinct…” He muttered, raising a hand as a single yellow apple flew from the branch to his hand. He looked it over, and took a bite.

“Hope it tastes like how you remember.” 

“It’s… acceptable.” He said simply, taking another bite of it. “Do you plan on doing acts like this often?”

“Yes, cause there’s a lot of things that need to be fixed, and John Warhammer sure as shit wasn’t planning on doing it.”

“He has bigger worries than the issues of the common mortal.”

“And that’s how Chaos Wins.” I frowned. “A quote from one of the Primarch’s in the far future ‘what reason does he have to refuse hell if he already lives in it?’.”

“Heh. You have a point. One thing is that as things changes for the worst and you continuously endure it, the harder it is to see past what was, when things were better, and you begin to wonder why bother returning.” Malcador said, tossing the apple core away. “Complacency is at the heart of long lived beings like The Emperor, and even myself. We become used to how it is and don’t bother changing too much outside our newfound bases of comfort.”

“And this is why the Emperor’s ‘because I’m right’ is flawed and would have gotten him killed if I wasn’t here.”

“You either speak in arrogance or with bravery… I suppose in time, we will see which of those is true. He’s been speaking with me, considering declaring you a regent as well.”

Wait what?!

“Why would he do that!?” I asked weakly.

“He trusts you. He is many things, but he is still one man and can only be in one place at a time. It’s his way of saying he needs help, or so I suppose.”

“He also needs your help, Erda’s, and anyone that is capable of seeing past his bullshit, especially the part where he thinks being a twenty foot tall beefy bitch that radiates light and wields a flaming sword isn’t divine in any capacity.” I admitted, cause I’m not going to let him live that horseshit down like come on man.

“Yes, that is true. So, what will you do in this new era?”

“I’m going to be bringing the Humanity back to all of you, get Neoth a date that is desperately needed, and be a kick ass uncle to twenty… or twenty one primarchs.”

“Twenty one?”

“One of the kids has the spirit of Pisces, the Twin Fish constellation.”

“Huh. Interesting… how will that affect their development?”

“Well… so most likely due to an event that I feel like is a Fixed Point… the One becomes Two, which births Alpharius and Omegon, the first heads of the Hydra.”

“And like that you’ve set it in stone.” 

“Unless you can gather Blanks or prevent the Chaos Gods from getting to them.” I pointed out. “Nothing is set in stone.”

Malchador sighed, turning to leave. “If you believe that then you truly are naive.”

—

The Primarch’s were forming well. They now had semi-physical bodies.

It’s very weird to see a fetus forming in real time in tubes like this…

Even weirder with their new body modifications.

“Well, so far so good…” I muttered carefully.

“... The urge to tap the glass like a fish bowl is powerful isn’t it?” Neoth asked me.

… God damn it now I want to!

“Well now I want to ya butt.” I huffed.

He chuckled. “I did that to Leetu all the time in his tube.”

… I’m beginning to see more and more of why he hates him…

“Did you know it gave him a small tick?”

“Besides the reason why he wants to shoot you dead?” I asked.

“One of many.” He shrugged.

“How is it that after I disappeared, you became a raging asshole?” I asked.

“After a certain point, it just comes naturally.” He chuckled. “Well, that and I was already kind of an asshole. I mean, so are you.”

“At least I don’t treat my own flesh and blood like a fucking fish in a fish tank.” I frowned.

“Bitch I’ve seen you fist fight your sisters into the ER, all four of you with broken noses and broken knuckles!”

I rolled my eyes… then… oh… oh fuck…

It hit me like a truck… my… sisters… mom… dad… they’re… they’ve been gone for…

…

“... Thanks for reminding me assfuck.” I growled, turning around and walking away.

I walked into a nearby empty room and just… slumped against the wall…

Fuck… I guess… I didn’t think about that small detail that my family has been dead for thirty thousand years…

Hell… there’s not even bones left at this point…

I shuttered, holding back tears as I pulled out my phone and scrolled through photos…

My sisters were all taller than me, on top of being older than me. Still, despite that, all three were mostly tomboys. They got into fights with each other long before I was born…

My eldest sister Vira, dark black hair with green eyes.

Then there’s Jessica, short kept dark brown hair and eyes.

Then Hanna, brown hair, brown eyes, and more of a girly girl but still had a mean right hook…

It hurt to look at these photos…

…

I moved out of that and to the contacts… I debated on calling them.

… It… worked with Neoth… would this work?

“The Warp… it still is the Realm of Souls…” I teared up as I… I focused on my powers and pressed dial on Vira… “Please let this work…”

To my surprise, it rang.

… and rang…

And rang…

*click* “We’re sorry, but Deep Warp Entities do not have caller jurisdiction to Afterlife Paradise. Please leave a message after the beep and we will relay it to the soul resident if they accept the fee.”

… What the fuck?

I blinked and… processed that real quick. “Uh… hey Vira, it’s me, Sam… I… got sucked through a Portal from the Deep Warp… yeah, it’s from my obsession of painting mini’s and lining walls with unfinished models.” I chuckled. “I… I’m sorry sis… I’m so sorry… I… I wish I could talk to you… I miss you so much…” I held back a sob. “Please… call back in some way…”

I hung up…

I sighed. Well, that’s… something.

My phone then rang. I jumped, nearly dropping it as it said unknown number.

“Fucking hell…” I muttered, picking up the phone and bringing it up. “Hello?”

“Hello Sam.” The voice on the other end was definitely not Vira… they sounded… male… slightly… distorted, as if it is not really talking form a mouth or any organic organ for speech.

“And… who are you? And should I be concerned that I accidentally summoned something?”

They laughed on the other end. “Oh no, no, no, nothing like that. I’ve been waiting for you to make a call to the Paradise Afterlife. Don’t worry, your message will arrive to its intended recipient. Their bureaucracy is rather fast paced and streamlined. As for who I am, well… That’s a bit of a complicated explanation. I suppose if you must call me something, you can just call me Caller, since that’s all I’ll ever be to you in terms of this and any future conversations.”

“Right…” I said carefully. “It’s nice to meet you Caller and… are you the one that brought me here or was this some freak accident?”

“Bit of both. See, in the grand scheme of the multiverse and the cosmos and all that fancy stuff I’m what you might consider a… disgruntled employee.”

“As a fellow retail worker, I completely understand.” I managed.

“My work is far more… complicated than simple retail. No, I just became rather… fed up with all the constants and few variables I was seeing. I simply decided to make a change that would benefit many parties.”

“So you decided to give Big E someone that wasn’t a Yes Man? Smart move.”

“Oh nothing quite like that… you see… your ‘Big E’ as you call them, is… special.”

“In what ways? Cause there is… a lot of reasons why Neoth is special.”

“Well, to keep it simple, if you were to take every Emperor across all Infinity and drop them into a battle to the death… Your Neoth would emerge victorious.”

“... Uh… how the feck?”

“I’d rather not spoil the reason. But it’s in everyone’s best interest your friend doesn’t become like his many variants. He’ll be needed, one day in the far future, and it’s best he’s not in that… mentality.”

“Well, good thing I’m here to make sure he doesn’t.”

“That was the plan, after all, you’re quite unique as well.”

“Wouldn’t really say that but thank you.”

“I suppose you can take it as a complement but the fact remains that you are an outlier in your reality… after all. In all the timelines and realities of ‘Warhammer’ as you call it, you are the only one to exist in any of them.”

“That’s… weird.” I said carefully.

“Not really. Given what your Neoth is, I suspect someone higher up thought of a… special measure to keep them humble.”

“Is it skateboards? Cause… what the fuck?” I asked, as I remember he… wasn’t good at it…

“No, that’s unrelated… I can’t say much but all I can say is that so long as you remind him that despite his power, he is still human, then you can accomplish this. Make him remember his emotions. Otherwise… things will be worse than what you’re already expecting as worst case scenario.”

“Fun… well I’ll make sure to keep the golden bastard humble the best I can.”

“Good. Oh and I hope you don’t mind too much the modifications I’ve made to your phone to allow these… abilities. I just had to ensure you could keep up with Neoth.”

“What did you do to my phone?” I asked carefully, cause being a Psyker was already one thing. “Besides making it… function properly in this day and age?”

“Oh I’d rather not ruin the fun. Have a fun life, my little Isikai Protagonist.” Caller said, laughing before hanging up.

“... Shit…” I muttered as I put my phone away carefully.

Well, that’s something… at least now I know why I’m here… Still, why all this… stuff? What makes Neoth so special he’d win a fight against all his infinite selves?

“Feck… thing’s got more complicated…” I groaned.

Okay think…

… I guess… Fuck… not like Neoth wanted to let it crash all onto me… I’m the one who… didn’t even think about them until now… so… fucking caught up in all this stuff…

“Not like it’s a bad thing, I literally got teleported into a different timeline from extra dimensional beings for fun and it’s barely been more than a week…” I thought carefully.

I guess… anyone else in my shoes would be a mess still…

“Well… best get back and maybe apologize…” I muttered.

I collected myself some, getting back up and walking to the Nursery. And… He’s not here anymore. Great…

“Damn it…” I grumbled, looking at all the kids again. “I’ll… try to do my best kids…” I said to them all as I headed off to find Neoth, cause I really need to make sure he doesn’t fuck this up…

I walked around until I spotted him… standing outside my room?

“Hey.” He said, giving me a small wave. “Sorry about… bringing up your sisters… I… didn’t know you… haven’t processed it yet…”

“I have only been here for a week.” I sighed. “Thanks for the apology… but I got into contact with… someone important to my situation.’

“What?” He asked, giving me a blank stare.

“So I tried to… call my sisters, first off I was told that my message would get delivered to the proper afterlife… and then I talked to… Caller.”

“... Huh?”

“Yeah, and he told me all this is literally a first, and that I need to make sure you don’t fuck this up.”

“Oh well glad some random Warp entity has such high opinions of me…”

“Considering he said that, if every Emperor got into a battle royal, you would win no matter what happens, I feel like something is up with you in particular… and me cause he said I'm the only one to exist in this multiverse.”

“That is… that makes no sense, how?”

“I don't know.” I shook my head. “Caller said he didn't want spoilers so we just have to guess.”

“Well… shit…” Neoth hummed.

“Yeah, I had the same reaction…” I sighed. “All from a ‘disgruntled employee’...”

“That just raises even more questions…”

“And we're probably not going to get any of them answered.” I stated.

“Most likely.” He nodded. “But… I still felt bad for… my words. So, it’s not much but, it might feel more like home to you.” He said, pushing my door open.

I blinked, walking inside and…

This looks… just like my room back… back in 2025… 

“It… it looks….exactly the same.” I said in surprise.

“Perks of my type of memory.” Neoth admitted. “Look I… I’ve lived for a long time. People passing around me just… is normal… even with extended lifespans I’ve watched people pass well before me… You’re the first one to ever, well, come back.”

“Which is a miracle to say the least but… you’ve also had people with you through the ages.”

“Not as many as you’d think… Erda is more a friend and even then, I can see she’s aging. Slower, far slower than any augmented person… but someday, she too will be gone. Whether she lives to be that old or not… I don’t know. I’m used to saying goodbye… not having reunions.”

“That’s not how Perpetual’s work but… I’m sorry you’ve had to endure such things.” I sighed.

“Again, you’re thinking in terms of the media… The truth is… far more upsetting.”

“Tell me how Perpetual’s aren’t functionally immortal?” I asked.

“Even if one were to die, they’d reincarnate, and when they do… they aren’t… really them anymore… it’s kind of like Avatar rules… and in terms of Longevity, even a well trained one can only hold off the negative side effects of using the Warp to extend age and youth for so long.”

“Well that sucks…”

“That’s life… especially the more you live.”

“I understand…” I sighed. “But I’m here for ya big guy.”

“Thanks. Well, I’ll let you get resettled to your new-old room.”

“Thanks man.” I nodded. “Just… too much is happening…”

“Tell me about it. At a certain point I just started rolling with things and countering the rest the best I can.”

“Understandable.” I nodded.

—

Okay so small patches of orchards are going well… Neoth is working on reviving animals… The Primarch’s are going well… Still, I wonder what kind of people the second and eleventh Primarch are gonna be like?

“There’s been so many different ideas for them both… always loved the Maid Marines, adorable and deadly.” I thought with a chuckle.

Hmm… Moth lady and the other guy is… almost like a shape shifter or something?

“Well, would be funny if this was a jab at how we’re not allowed to know who they were…” I thought with a chuckle.

I sighed. Hmm… wonder what kind of planet they’ll be sent to? All that stuff was redacted… Which was I guess GW either being lazy or they genuinely just didn’t know about these two, which I guess is possible…

“Feck… so many things to think about…” I muttered, also hating how we haven’t found a way to prevent the possible kidnapping yet cause the Sisters of Silence aren’t a thing yet…

Hmm… I know that Erda plays a hand in that initially but will that be the same thing here?

What’s gonna change and what’s gonna stay the same?

“Originally, only Mal wanted to be with the Emperor even though they knew his plans… hmm, actually…” I thought, heading off to find Neoth real quick to see if he had plans for the Human Webway project. “Though with me here, Erda probably wouldn’t try to kidnap the kids because Big E here won’t be a cold utilitarian douche bag…”

Hopefully…

I found Neoth working in one of his more office looking rooms reading over a data slate. “Sam.” He said as I entered in a quick greeting.

“Sup, I have some… important questions to ask.”

“Ask away.”

“Alright… So first, are you still on your Webway project?” I asked him carefully, cause that whole bullshit was to get humanity away from the Warp so they could ‘ascend’ if memory serves.

“No, I scrapped that forever ago. Might use it to make an alternative ‘highway’ from the Warp though.”

“Shocking to be honest.” I admitted. “Two… have you given Erda any reason to want to send the kids out into space?”

“Depends on what you define as being either ‘petty’ or ‘justified’.”

I stared at him.

“You have no idea the lengths one will go to in order to alleviate boredom…”

“Bruh.”

“You try living for over thirty thousand years and see how fast you start escalating pranks and jokes…”

“That sounds like you started a galactic war you ass.”

“Okay you start an interplanetary war four times…”

I facepalmed.

“How did you function without me, I swear…” I grumbled.

“Well I can’t get drunk easy so I started experimenting with drugs but then after all that I just started looking for whatever spiked my dopamine.”

“It’s called seeking therapy, ya big buff fuck.”

“I’ll go when you go.”

Oh god damn it!

“At least I know my issues, you have actively told me ‘why focus on my problems when we can watch the KPop Demon Slayer movie’.”

“Hey, it was a good movie, you liked it!”

“Yes, it was hilarious but my point stands.”

“I have too many issues for a therapist to help with.”

“One problem at a time to solve the bigger issue.”

“But that would take too long.”

“What is this blathering?” We both turned, seeing Malcador enter.

“The best kind of blathering.” I joked.

“Nothing of importance Malcador. What brings you here?”

“It’s about the new Gene Seeds.” The old man stated. “It appears the success rate has improved some, but not enough to be viable.”

“What’s the problem with the Gene Seed?”

“Compatibility, mainly. Even then, survival is still only at 44%.”

“That is concerningly low…” I said carefully. “How is the process even done if I may ask?”

“Training first, followed by hormone treatments, implanting the gene seed then over time many surgeries, more hormone treatment, more surgeries, usually to implant new organs that are necessary.”

“It’s a lot of work.” Neoth nodded. “But the steps need to be repeatable.”

“Well, how are we going to increase the odds that it’ll work? Cause Erda has an idea and I don’t entirely like it…”

“Yes, her ‘Incubation Method’. While possible, we lack the technology to accomplish it. It would require far more Psionic or Cellular manipulations than we’d be comfortable with.” Malcador stated.

“At the end of the day, turning an average human into the Astartes Soldiers when successful is good, but the process itself is where we have the most roadblocks… This isn’t like Captain America where we can just inject someone with the super serum.” Neoth sighed.

“Captain what?” Malcador asked.

“Bitch, you have a museum of a ton of vastly important pieces of Human history, from the Mona Lisa to a Nasa Moon Rover, how do you not have something involving Captain America?” I asked, finding that outlandish that he didn’t have at least something about the star spangled boy scout.

“Malcador hates Super Hero media.” Neoth said.

“It’s all entirely frivolous displays of power versus power.” Malcador replied.

“If you think Super Heroes are a ‘frivolous display’, then I’m afraid your geriatric ass is going to have a heart attack over watching Dragon Ball Z.”

“I love that show.” Malcador said with a straight face.

“... You mother fucker, you kept Toriyama’s work?” I asked.

“Belive it or not I wasn’t the one to preserve all those works, that was just the internet in general… Heheheh…” Neoth said, suddenly adopting a shit eating grin as he looked at me chuckling.

“You bitch.” I slapped his arm. “But… awesome… what’s with the grin?”

“I know what the One Piece is~”

… AHHH!!!

“I need to watch the rest of that!” I groaned. “Please tell me you have it all stored and not fucked…”

“I do, but it would be more fun for me to spoil it for you.”

“I will harm you if you dare spoil it.” I huffed.

“Pfft. Like you can hurt me.”

“BakugoxUraraka is cringe.”

Neoth actually fell out of his chair before jumping to his feet. “You swine!”

“What is happening?” Malcador asked, looking beyond confused.

“It’s alright young one, we old folk are just talking about many things, like how his favorite ship is dog shit.”

“Vengance!” Neoth said, snapping his fingers as suddenly I pecan pie fell from above me and splattered on my head.

… Really?! All powerful god-like reality warping power and…

I forgot… how much of an Idiot Neoth can be when he gets riled up.

“You throw a fucking pie at me… you actual loon.”

“Well I wasn’t gonna drop a brick or something heavy on you. Besides, that’s the first pecan pie to exist since they went extinct.”

I rolled my eyes, Malcador taking the tin and dish off me before shrugging and giving it a taste. “This is good.”

… Wait a minute…

Can he… Warp Modify people into Astartes?

“Uh… you’re a master of biomancy right?” I asked.

“Basically. Most anything on and from earth I know all about. It’s Xeno plants and animals I’m not very knowledgeable of.” Neoth admitted.

“Well, can’t you just do some Warp shenanigans to modify people into Astartes with your Biomancy expertise?”

“I,,, can, but I’d rather not. For starters, there’s the chance I nor any other Psyker with similar power will be around to actually do that. Reproducing the Astartes through science and little to no Warp Modifications ensures that should I be indisposed Astartes won’t suddenly become an endangered species.”

Hmm… Wait… ‘Reproducing’ might actually be the key there then…

“Well… it depends, did you want the Primarch’s and Astartes to be able to reproduce the old fashion way or no?” I asked, adding in the Primarch’s due to the whole ‘Gene-Seed’ thing just… being an obvious euphemism here.

“Well, the issue there at that point is size. While it’s not impossible, it also means for female Astartes to birth astartes children we’d need to modify their reproductive organs.” Neoth said.

“It wouldn’t be the first time humanity created an artificially evolved offshoot… perhaps leaving both options available?” Malcador suggested.

“And this is why female astartes have never been a thing.” I said.

“Do you think they should be?” Neoth asked. 

“Not really no.” I shook my head. “Like, women can be cool without being genetically augmented, the Sisters of Silence and Battle are just two examples here.”

“True, but one of these Primarch’s is to be a woman, it would be hypocritical to not have some given that.” Malcador offered.

“Malcador does have a point.” Neoth hummed. “Also, those two examples you mentioned don’t exist yet.”

Fuck…

“Don't listen to Mal, he still thinks having twenty sisters is a good idea.” I said.

“And I stand by it.” He replied dryly.

“Still…” I sighed. “But whatever you guys want since you're the ones actually able to understand this science bullshit.”

Neoth sighed, rubbing his eyes with his fingers for a bit. “... I think that given we do have a female Primarch coming into our ranks, we should have some female Astartes. We can still have the Sisters of Silence, and those of the Silence that perform properly can ascend to an Astartes. But that still brings us back to the Astartes development process. Compatibility and survivability.”

“Well, are you thinking of this like an organ transplant?”

“Organ transplant isn’t quite the right wording. It’s more an organ implantation. The human body doesn’t naturally have these organs and in order for an astartes to even move, these special organs must be implemented less they die under their own mass. Their heart would give out from strain so another is implanted.” Malcador stated. “As the body grows and the space inside them expands it’s filled with the necessary additions.”

“We have considered doing something similar to them like with Leetu who were grown in vats and have these organs and additions naturally, but there in lies the issue of time and materials needed. As a ‘newborn’ Leetu consumed enough food stock to feed an average human for a week daily. And even with their accelerated growth, it was ten years before they were their final size. I know the Primarch’s will also grow faster, be smarter but even then they’ll still be children at their core until they’ve matured.”

“I mean, all that is fair, but you’re not thinking about this like an Organ Transplant.” I brought up, earning a look at the both of them. “I don’t know the exact science around it, but wouldn’t these new organs have to be of the same type as the body? As far as I’m hearing you’re basically going ‘what if we shoved this pyramid into a square? It technically fits so it should work out’.” I explained. “The Gene-Seed is supposed to do all that, plus technically make the Astartes the biological child of said Primarch cause Gene-Seed is made from the Primarch’s DNA so …”

“Calling them the biological children of the Primarchs isn’t completely accurate… Think of it like… a blood transfusion. The blood that enters your body was part of someone else, and can stay in your body for years. Especially if you have a bone marrow or liver transplant. The donor’s blood flows through you, does that make you two siblings or related? No, the Gene Seed implants certain genetic data that assists the Astartes Body to adapt to the changes that a normal human body and genetics couldn’t handle. While it does help foster a kinship between Astartes and Primarch, it’s still just genetic data. We could try and program them to fully alter the body, growing the organs needed as the body changes, but that would require the Astartes to be placed in a medicated coma on life support for optimal success rates, and the lengths could atrophy their bodies.”

“Well then I’m not entirely sure cause at this point it’s the problem of the body rejecting the Gene-Seed because of biology, and Erda’s idea of a Spawning Pool is suspect at best given it comes from the Tyranids.” I admitted. “Which are a thing prowling around outside our Galaxy for one reason or another…”

“Perhaps a hybrid option?” Malcador suggested.

“What up?”

“What Erda suggests while possible isn’t an easy solution, however there exists medical baths that help prevent atrophy in the muscles. If we were to use these modified Gene Seeds in junction with this medical solution to incubate the evolving Primarchs in, no surgeries would be needed, the body would remain at their fittest, and success would jump from forty to eighty percent. All we’d need to ensure is that their body has proper nutrition flowing into them as well as oxygen.”

They could basically be reborn that way… and eighty percent increases the amount of Astartes that can be created.

“Well, that works I suppose.” I admitted.

“I will begin modifying the Gene Seeds then. Malcador, you begin mass producing the medical fluids and nutrient solutions for them.”

“As you wish my Lord.” Malcador said, bowing before taking his leave.

“And I’ll be here being way out of my depth.” I stated.

“Actually, I have something I wish to ask of you Sam.” Neoth stated. “I want you to keep an eye on the developing Primarch’s and Erda. Given what you have informed me of, I already know they are going to be stolen from me. Whether that’s Erda’s doing or some other party I’m unsure though.”

“I did some digging and… well, remember the Gelar field you have over them?” I asked, which made Neoth nod. “Because of you being… well, at least in other versions, a complete cock nugget, she disabled that and the Chaos Gods used that chance to kidnap them so… hopefully this time around shit won’t entirely go sideways with her.”

He hummed. “That is a concern… still, the event is likely to occur regardless…”

“Not if I have anything to say about it.” I huffed.

“I’m afraid there in lies the issue… we can’t stop it. For several reasons actually.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Firstly, if they didn’t vanish then most of them might never develop into the people they need to become. Secondly, while the Gelar fields help prevent the Chaos Gods from actively taking them, it’s a delay tactic. Were they to send an invading force, it would fall and they’d still be taken… Lastly, it is because I’ve already seen their departure from this planet… Their abduction is a fixed point in time not even I can correct… so, rather than fight it, we prepare them for it.”

I sighed. “Fine…” I said. “The ones that need to be rescued most are Angron, Mortarian, Angron, the lost primarch’s, Angron, and Lorgar…” I stated.

“You said Angron three times…”

“I know what I said and the good boy needs to be saved.”

“And that, we can do.” He nodded, giving me a small smirk. “Their abduction is a fixed point, not their rescue. If we can play our cards right, we can find them all far sooner than what would naturally. Which is why I’m developing these.” He placed a mechanical device on the table. It was small, gold with some kind of glass-like covering that still looked more advanced than any tech I’ve ever seen. 

“Oh? And what are these?” I inquired.

“I’m calling them ‘Guiding Hands’. They’ll be loaded with some basic information on what they can do, how they can expect to age, can teach them to read and speak High Gothic, and many other languages, basic mathematics and sciences, and of course, pictures of Terra, music, some movies, and messages from you and I so they know we are looking for them.”

“And for Angron, add a note warning people about not hurting the baby, either to the High Riders that’ll use him as a gladiator, or the Eldar who thought murdering him would be a good thing…”

“I can see which of them is your favorite already.”

“I’m sorry, Angron’s story is turbo sad when he was supposed to be the best Empath and then turned into a blood thirsty mad man that just wanted the pain of the Butcher’s Nails to stop.”

“Well, once they are done we will begin adding in the messages and other data. They will then be implanted into the back of their right or left hands.”

“Good enough.” I nodded. ”Hopefully this will at least curb some problems here…”

To be continued...

Chapter Text

I stared at my food.

It had no eyes, but I swear it’s staring back…

So… this is a Corpse Starch Ration…

“... What the hell…” I stated carefully. “I… quite literally made a ton of fruits and veggies… why ?”

“Prioritizing the people.” Neoth said. “Besides, we still have millions of tons of these things.”

“... I’m gonna pass… this thing is staring at me…”

“It's not staring at you.” Neoth huffed.

“I really hope we can get out and find agriworlds… I miss food already…”

“Bitch I watched you eat plain spaghetti with just butter melted on it.”

“That’s Buttered Noodles you uncultured swine!” I huffed. “It’s not my fault you’re lactose intolerant."

“Fucking evolution mutations…” He muttered.

“You can quite literally change your own biology to digest lactose, you idiot.” I huffed.

“Doesn't mean I like doing it. Do you know how painful the growing pains making myself this tall and built hurt?”

“I don’t believe you because you are powerful enough psychically to shapeshift.” I countered.

“And shape shifting hurts. A lot.”

“Weird that it would…”

“Now I hope you try it with your own powers someday and realize how much that shit does hurt.”

“Yeah yeah.” I waved as I looked back at my soylent green ration and… carefully ate it and hope it wouldn’t be too gross.

It tastes… kind of like dry cornbread and… some kind of dry paste and small bits of dehydrated meat?

“Well… it doesn’t taste… bad .” I said carefully.

“Well it is just corn flour, dried bean paste and dehydrated rat meat.”

“Alright, so it’s not corpse, corpse starch yet…” I said carefully.

“Malcador suggested that and I declined immediately. I've seen what all forms of cannibalism does to people… it's never good no matter how… processed…”

“Well, gonna have to start setting that up to Law cause Hive Worlds…” I admitted carefully.

“I'm not surprised Hive Worlds are doing that…”

“I mean, it’s an absolute hellhole from the planets being destroyed and ‘cities’ being turned into price tier pyramids.” I admitted.

“... Wanna prepare some laws to help, you know, dismantle that generational wealth?” Neoth asked with a grin.

“This also helps just openly stop the forming of Chaos Cults when the people genuinely see fairness thrown their way.” I admitted.

I grabbed my Corpse Starch bar and walked with Neoth to his office. While nobility will still be around, it will not be by blood but through either public service or military performance. 

I also had him put in that any noble who objects with violence shall be arrested and all assets seized.

“Alright, so far, so good…” I hummed.

“You know something I miss from the old days?”

“What up?”

“Honor and Defence duals. They used to have those who made laws fight, often to the death, to defend the laws and regulations they wanted to pass with duals. It put so many cowards in their place.”

“Yeah, but then it would lead to ‘might makes right’ and have the general populace think the biggest buff guy who wins every fist fight he get’s into will always make the laws.” I brought up.

“True, but far too few of them could ever even spell ‘law’ let alone make them.” He chuckled.

“Until we find one motherfucker that wants to become Senator Armstrong…”

“Happened already.”

“God damn it…” I groaned. “Kojima, you were supposed to make silly bullshit, not be prophetic!”

“I still have the USB of all the games he wanted made after he died.”

“... Bruh.”

“I legit stole it.”

“Why!?” I asked incredulously.

“It was sitting in a museum just collecting dust. They didn't even make a copy!”

“The fuck? Why wouldn’t they?”

“Rumors ranged from ‘the ideas were impossible with current technology’ to ‘his ghost will possess whoever works on one of them’.”

“So not one jack off decided ‘I want to be the next Kojima’? Has anyone ever figured out what Kojima was smoking half the time?”

“... He might have been a Psyker…”

“God damn it.” I groaned.

“Yeah. The only reason I suspect that is because at his funeral, I attended it, I felt his body had lingering warp on it, the kind most minor Psyker accumulate over the years.”

“Right, so now warp entities need to suffer through Kojima explaining his thought process on the Metal Gear series.” I said, before chuckling at the thought. “Which sounds hilarious.”

“There was a whole cult that was around for a few decades after he died.”

“... Why do I even question this shit?”

“Humanity is weird.” Neoth shrugged.

“Yes, it is very weird.” I said carefully. “Oh, by the way, why did the Men of Iron rebel? I doubt it’s because of some bullshit from ‘AI are evil’ movies.”

“Well… it’s a bit difficult as I don’t remember the exact cause…” He sighed. “But… one prevalent theory that fits the most is that AI figured out Psykers were going to be a thing, and that the Warp’s ‘life’ would hunt us down so… creation’s of such astronomical power and horrors that the billions of Death’s caused by them might have scared the beings in the Warp…”

“Ah… that is… terrifying.” I said nervously.

“More or less the Necrons without the whole, having been alive prior bit.”

“Yeah that’s horrifying…” I said nervously. “Oh dear…”

“In any case, Terra is going well. It's nice to see the sea and nature returning. It won't be like before, not really, but it will be better than where we were.”

“Better than it being a mad max hellhole.” I admitted. “And… hopefully it can at least recover to some extent…”

“It definitely will be interesting. Now in terms of the Legions themselves I want your help in terms of their overall purposes.”

“I mean, what was their purposes to begin with?” I asked.

“It varied. Largely on top of being generals the Primarch’s all excelled in specific things. Guillimen as you know, bureaucracy, politics and management. Angron is meant to be an empath…” Neoth paused but shook his head. “Fulgrim is meant to be a scholar and pursuer of the arts and entertainment. And so on and so forth.”

“Well… better than a fear I had which was they were meant to be shock troops then dealt with after the wars.”

“That being said their legions need to reflect this, so this means that for some, their legions won’t all be soldiers.”

“Depending on circumstances…” I admitted carefully.

“Any recommendations?”

“Not really, cause it depends on how things work in the future and I’m not a precog.”

“Fair enough.” Neoth shrugged. “That being said, there is something I’ve been curious about.”

“What up?”

“Well, all but two Primarch’s seem to already have names.”

Oh yeah… two and eleven…

“Yeah, well did you have names for those two?”

“Well, the second Primarch, being the only female at that, their main purpose was to be more tactical, strategies, enough bureaucratic skills to get things done. Not as efficient as Guiliman but enough to keep up, a sort of median between Horus and Guiliman, and more involved with civilian matters. Number eleven is meant to be a biologist, and grasp Xeno Biology faster and more in depth than I can.”

“That’s fair, but what are the legion’s names? Maybe I can help with figuring out names for them through said Legion names?”

“For eleven given the purpose I was thinking something along the lines of Ark… something. Can’t quite figure out the rest…”

“Well if their legion has Ark in it, why not Noah?”

“Hmm… that does work, they are meant to both preserve genetic samples of organic life and modify them to thrive in everchanging environments.” Neoth nodded.

“Good.” I nodded, leaving out how it’s funny how this anti-religion man would have a son named ‘Noah’ with his ‘Ark’.

“That just leaves the only daughter…”

“And what’s her legion going to be like?”

“I suppose a little bit of everything. Primarily this legion is supposed to focus on civilian training as well as civilian defence.”

“Uh… not entirely sure on the name then…” I admitted.

“Well they will also be the Primarch of the Sisters of Silence… that was agreed on already. And her legion will also have the majority of female Astartes…” Neoth hummed.

“Uh… Routh I guess?” I said noncommittedly cause it just came to mind.

“Maybe…” Neoth sighed. “Maybe we should just wait and see what her name becomes after the whole… lost across space thing?”

“Yeah, that’s basically how half the primarch’s got their name if memory serves.”

“Right. Well, guess we just have to wait and see then.”

“Yeah… just sucks we don’t know when exactly shit is gonna happen…”

“The Primarch’s bodies are nearly done being formed… I’m guessing about… two, three weeks max.”

“Right… so are the ships and the Lighthouse ready?” I asked.

“Astronomicon.” Neoth corrected.

“Still a Lighthouse.” I said. “But at least the ships and our course?”

“Nearing completion. Thankfully.” He sighed.

“We’re also gonna need to curb the Mechanicus’s bullshit and get onto innovation and future projects… also figure out if a shard of the Void Dragon is on Mars…”

“... Well, normally I’d rather not- Wait they what?!” Neoth yelped as he got up suddenly.

“Yeah, in the Noctis Labyrinth on Mars is the ‘Dragon of Mars’ that the Cult Mechanicus know about and… it might be the reason why the Mechanicus are the way they are…”

Neoth then raised a hand up as Psionic Energy flooded the room. It then faded as fast as it came. “... THOSE MOTHER FUCKERS!” He screamed, loud enough to shake the whole room before literally bursting through walls.

…

I got up and followed, finding him rummaging through a room full of weapons and boxes. “Fucking dumb ass piece of shit, good for nothing-” He kept mutering, growling as he was opening boxes, then kept tossing them as he was looking for something.

One of the Custodians rushed in. “What… happened?” They asked.

“Uh… I may have reminded Big E here about an old enemy that he thought destroyed, only for it to have turned Mars into what it once was and now what it is.” I admitted carefully. “A Material God that helped Mars become a technological power house… then… that .” I motioned to a passing Tech Priest who was… still so disgusting how they mutilated themselves to implant tech into their very being.

“Uh oh… I haven’t seen the Emperor so… angered before.”

“Oh for the love of Terra’s hidden hentai collection where the fuck is my oath sword!” Neoth yelled.

… WHAT?!

“Excuse the fuck out of me!? The hell did you just say?”

“It’s on the Ceras asteroid in the asteroid belt, you can raid it later!” Neoth replied. He then opened a weapon’s cabinet. “Ah ha!” He cheered, pulling out what I recognized as his oath sword.

… He kept it just in a random weapons closet?!

Wait, why isn’t it on fire?!

“Uh… isn’t that thing normally on Fire?” I asked in surprise.

“Huh?” Neoth asked as he looked at his sword. “Oh, right.” He then jiggled it and the flames burst out of it.

… The fuck?!

“Captain Apollo, Sam is in charge, I will be back.” He added as he quickly walked passed us.

“... I feel like I’ve seen this before… but the Emperor had rainbow wings for some reason…” Apollo said carefully.

“I mean… it’s the Multiverse, who the fuck knows.” I groaned… before my eyes widened. “Wait you bitch! You can’t kill the Shard!” I said quickly.

“Fuck you I killed the dragon it came from like hell I can’t destroy the shard of it!” Neoth yelled from down the hall.

“No you fucking didn’t! The Void Dragon was whole sixty million years ago!” I said quickly, running after him. “And you don’t want to damage Physical Reality any more than the Necrons did when they killed the Flayer!”

“I did and I did it to avenge my horse!” 

“That was back in the middle ages you cuck!”

“You’re a cuck!”

“Can we at least not kill the thing and just beat the shit out of it? Death to a material god is still a problem, even if it’s a shard.”

“Vengance for Sigmire!” 

“You did not name your horse Sigmire!”

“I did and he was the best horse ever! You ever see a Psychic Horse before?!”

“The fuck do you mean your horse was a Psyker!? Also, Gold Ship might have been one.”

“Gold Ship had Autism and you know it!”

“Yes… that weird as fuck horse did…”

I managed to follow them outside where he aimed the Oath Sword up and then… jumped… and flew into the sky at speeds that put anything to shame. I was knocked on my ass by the sonic boom when his feet left the ground.

…

“... So… Orders?” The Custodies asked, looking down at me as I could tell their tone held nothing but pure confusion.

“... Gather… the highest ranking people to the War Room… I have some explaining to do…” I groaned, putting my face into both of my hands. “He’s gonna fucking crack open Mars I know it…”

—

“I remember Sigmire… He was a good horse, unique and strong.” Erda said as I was still rubbing my eyes.

The meeting was… alright. Still, it’s been three days.

“Still can’t believe psyker horse…” I groaned. “So… it’s been three days, and we have yet to hear anything from Big E… all we’ve heard is constant panic attacks from the Mars Mechanicus branch…”

“Well that horse was like an emotional support animal to Neoth for centuries. It was like… Daisy the rabbit to Doom Guy.”

“Well… shit.” I sighed. “But hey… that horse’s spirit might have reincarnated into Sig mar if Games Workshop’s psyker powers guessed anything with their Fantasy/Age of Sigmar setting.” I admitted, cause through the Warp they technically were connected…

“That would make too much sense…” Erda chuckled.

“Alright I’m back.” Neoth said and- Sweet god!

He’s sporting several bandaged wounds, a black eye, and in his hand was a small cage that I swear is growling.

“... The fuck?” I motioned to everything…

“It’s a feisty little shit.” He said, tossing the cage onto the table. “So, long story short, The Mechanicum is in ruins, Terra now owns Mars as the survivors surrendered entirely after I kind of made two cities vanish, the fragment recognized me, materialized a miniature form, and we fought for the last day and a half before I beat them again. Sadly can’t kill them so I did the next best thing. I humiliated them.” 

“O-Omnisiah!? What do you mean our holy order is destroyed!?” A tech priest asked, letting out some distressed binary in its panic.

“Uh…” I looked at the caged creature. “Huh… uh, yeah I guess…”

Wait… I looked it over some more- HE TURNED THEM INTO TOOTHLESS?!

“... What do you mean you turned it into Toothless!?” I asked incredulously.

“Void Dragon, so I turned them into a black dragon. The fucker is lucky I didn’t turn them into Spike from My Little Pony. It was so tempting!”

“I mean… I suppose…” I said carefully, looking at the caged thing. “... Damn it now I want to tame it, make it full size, and ride it…”

“I will destroy this planet and consume your souls!” I heard the thing screech in rage.

“Shush you.” I huffed to the caged god shard.

“Shame it’s so violent now. Despite being a Void Dragon it is the God of Fantasy.” Erda said.

“... What?” I asked, looking at the shard and back at them. “Excuse me?”

“Yes. Why else would it be a dragon?”

“Because… I think it was because the Eldar named it that because of how strong it was as a whole being?”

“Eldar are tasty!” The dragon in the cage yelled.

“Reguardless, this drake is the God of Fantasy. Or maybe was? Not sure given it’s current… state.” Erda said.

“Well… it is shattered…”

“Well it’s your problem now. I’m gonna go take a nap.” Neoth said as he left.

“Of course it’s my problem…” I grumbled.

“Well, a pet might do you good.” Erda said, looking at the cage.

“Yes, a pet that wants to kill me…” I sighed, looking at the thing. “Alright you, play nice.”

It roared at me.

I flicked its nose. “None of that, you will be a good boy ya here?”

It roared again, and bit my finger.

Suddenly I felt… off…

What-

“Ahhh! It burns!” The tiny toothless-like drake yelled as it was roaring and turning around in the cage like its body was on fire.

“... Did you just try to bite my soul!?” I asked incredulously.

“I’d be more worried why it’s screaming after biting your soul.” Erda said.

“I mean, I have been ‘blessed’ by the Deep Warp because some creature was bored.”

“Deep Warp!?” The drake shrieked.

“Yep, Deep Warp, because Caller got bored of the same song and dance as so many other variants.”

They suddenly bowed to me inside their tiny cage. “I apologize for my rudeness.”

“... And why are you calming down all of a sudden?”

“Deep Warp is feared by both Warp Entities and Physical World.” Erda said. “It’s like… imagine all the old Pantheons picking a fight with Cthulu not knowing it was Cthulu.”

“Sounds about right…” I said carefully. “This is… gonna get extremely complicated when I get around to meeting the Eldar…”

“You’re gonna give them all a collective stroke.” Erda chuckled.

“Eldar still tasty.” The small drake said.

“No more eating souls you, you ate residual energy from suns and stars and were perfectly fine.” I stated to my new pet dragon.

“Eldar flesh allowed?”

“Depends on if we happen upon the Dark Eldar.” I stated. “Then claim their souls before the Whore takes them, gonna need a bargaining chip to show those hedonistic assholes that pain and suffering isn't the only way…” I sighed, remembering a short story where the Drukhari learn to embrace that deplorable shit as children, not them being born hedonistic.

“Yay!”

I sighed.

—

KA-BOOM!!!

Mother fucker!

I yelped, falling off my bed.

“Shit! The Happening! It’s Happening!” I shouted. “We should have listened to the Lorax!”

“Calm down.” I looked up, seeing Neoth walk in. “It was just the artillery cannons going off.”

“... Why the fuck are you firing artillery cannons this early!?”

“Asteroids.” He said simply. As if the universe proved his point, a small one shot through the roof, missing Neoth by mere inches and slamming into my floor. “The atmosphere is shit and not as good as it was back in the day so a lot more make it to the surface than they used to.”

“Alright…” I sighed. “Interesting though.”

“Yeah, it’s gonna last a bit longer. On the bright side, sometimes there are useful materials in them.”

“Yeah, asteroids should have plenty of metals that aren’t on this planet anymore.” I admitted. “But hopefully the plant life we’ve been making can at least get some atmosphere back.”

“That will take time, but it should take effect, especially as I’m also remaking the ocean and rivers and lakes… Not gonna lie, I do miss fishing. It’s the one thing across time that has changed very little, and then it was gone before the water.”

“Well that sucks.” I admitted. “But let’s hope this all works out.’

“Hopefully.” He nodded.

I sighed as I got up. Doubt I’ll get back to sleep if they shoot more asteroids. 

Guess I’ll check on the Primarchs.

I made my way to the facility where they were actually looking like infants now. Some were more human looking than others.

It’s adorable that Fulgrim has a small little snake tail.

“Glad you're all growing up better… just… sucks what might happen…”

I decided to check on Noah. Number eleven, despite his soul looking like a variety of animals to shape shift into, their body looked very human, pale skin with deep green hair though.

Then there’s number two, the only girl. Snow white thin fur covered their body, two small flaps, almost like wings were growing out her back, two equally white antenna poked out her forehead, and jet black peach fur of hair covered her head.

“Let’s hope things go a lot better than what happens normally for you two…”

I checked the others. Apharius and Omegron were sharing their tube. The two looked identical, and like normal human infants save the fact one has the Alpha symbol on their chest and the other has the Omega symbol on their chest.

Rather on point, but it works.

Horus has wolf ears and a tail, the same white-gray as the moon.

Leman Russ has similar features but his colors were a dirty brown for the fur.

Ferrus Manus looked the same, to be expected.

Fulgrim has his skin look more like a snakes, and that small snake tail that’s adorable. He even had gold and purple in his hair and in patches on his body.

Vulkan has scales, and he looked almost like a little kiju if I’m being honest. No tail though.

Rogal Dorn has a light brown-orangish skin tone, and his hair was replaced by those Pangolin armor scale-plate things.

Guilluman seemed as I expected. Still all human, blonde hair, blue eyes.

Magnus. He had red skin with patches of black with yellow bleeding out of them.

Sanguinius looked similar to how you’d expect, but his hair and wings, rather than blonde and white, they were both pitch black, darker than the lightless void of space.

“Eep!” I looked down seeing the small mini drake hide behind me at seeing Sanguinius. “Why is a corrupted Fallen One here?”

He follows me around now, behaving… mostly. I’ve named him Bahumat, cause it felt fitting.

“What do you mean by… all of that?” I asked worriedly.

“That.” They quickly poked out to look at the Primarch then ducked back behind me. “Is a Fallen One. A being transcending both physical and immaterial planes that are servants to even higher powers. When they rebel, they are Fallen Ones. Terrors across eternity and infinity, but that one is also Corrupted. It holds the Parasite Blood. ”  

“... The fuck is Parasite Blood?” I asked in growing horror as I’m just hearing too much horseshit right now…

“Parasite Blood is… strange. It will either consume those who are infected, stealing their body, or merge with them. They crave murder, it’s blood that wishes to spill more blood. Khorne himself has lost to those infected with the Parasite Blood.”

“... There’s… only one thing that I can imagine would come close to whatever the hell that is…” I said worriedly.

I moved over and away from Sanguinius and over to the Lion. Er, I guess the Manticor would be more accurate? He has a literal mane with lion-like ears, claws at the ends of his fingers, and even small leathery bat wings on his back.

The tube’s data shows he’s also gonna develop venomous fangs in his mouth, rather than the usual scorpion tail.

Mortarion was pale, but his hair was a moss-green and is these readings are right… he can filter the air he breaths into more breathable air, his body could produce cures for toxins fast… Wow. No longer the smog-riddled grim reaper.

Lorgar looked… rather unique. He had two sets of wings. Feathered white ones and leathery demonic ones. His feet were like a beasts but the biggest thing was his head. He had no hair, but he had four eyes now, and two horns that went up and curled over his head like a makeshift halo.

Not gonna lie… he looks pretty bad ass…

“I really hope I get to beat the shit out of Erebus and Kor Pharon for hurting him…” I sighed.

Next up, Jhagatai, he now sported two large brown eagle like wings, with small budding white feathers along his hairline.

Perturabo didn’t look all that different, but he did have a full head of hair. Wonder if he’ll shave it later?

Konrad Curze had pitch black hair, with feathers along the hairline, pitch black wings and crow-like feet.

Huh… Interesting.

Corgi Angron! Awe look at his floofy hair, curly tail and floppy ears!

“Ah~! Corgi Angron is so cute!” I couldn’t help but squeal at how adorable he looked.

Alright, next is Corvus Corax… His body type is similar to Curze, but he’s larger it seems.

Hard to imagine these kids are gonna vanish soon…

I sighed. “Listen… all of you, your father, Neoth, does love you, and I care about you all as well… when the day comes and you all ‘dissappear’... be strong, love the families that find you… and please don’t break…” I said to all of them, not knowing if any of them could understand or even hear me but… I wanted to at least say something to them.

I took a deep breath, going in order from one to twenty. “Lion El’, please learn to Trust, your family, and your home will need your strength from it…”

I went to the second one, the Moth. “Please be safe and… don’t make things too weird, you’re already getting an army of Blanks…”

“Fulgrim… it’s going to be okay, you don’t have to be perfect and… you have people you can trust.”

“Perturabo, I know you might already feel the Eye… but don’t turn yourself into a Martyr, believe in your friends, believe in your family, and believe in yourself.”

“Jaghatai, trust your instincts, and believe in those that you trust, be the griffon you were born to be.”

“Leman Russ, your Pack will be different, don’t ostracize those that you don’t understand…”

“Rogal Dorn, be the bastion of hope people deserve, and share warmth and not cold defenses.”

“Konrad Curze… always believe in the best of people, Fate is never set in stone and only you can choose how your life will turn out.”

“Sanguinious… be the Angel people will believe you are… don’t succumb to the Will of Murder, your family is counting on you.”

“Antonio, you may become a man known as Ferrus Mannus, but don’t give up on people, especially family… for Good Deeds are Eternal.’

“Noah… you will be the Ark that helps bridge the gaps between Humanity and all new species, don’t let a few bad apples ruin your want to explore and meet new beings.”

“Angron, be strong, and keep Hope in your heart, you will be the ray of sunshine upon this galaxy of darkness.”

“Roboute Guilliman… I hope that will be your real name, as with your found family, you will learn so many great things.”

“Mortarian, please, trust others and don’t push them away, don’t let self-loathing consume you.”

“Magnus, please learn restraint and caution, not every road is safe on your own, please adventure with friends and family.”

“Horus, be strong, and don’t let others corrupt you, figure out the real truth and destroy the cloud of lies and half truths.”

“Lorgar, you are an angel, meant to spread the word of good will and love… don’t fall into darkness because people are flawed.”

“Vulkan, your kindness will warm the hearts of billions, be sure to temper it with the strength to defend those in need.”

“Corvus Corax, my little raven, believe in your own justice and want to help the people around you, and remember that you aren’t alone.”

“And lastly, Alpharius and Omegon, don’t get lost in the secrets and lies, always remember who you are and what you are fighting for… and remember, the Truth can be just as strong as the Lies.”

With that, I left the chamber.

I sighed as I sat back down in my room, jumping as another artillery shell was shot out.

Yeesh.

“Fucking hell…” I grumbled. “Really need to tone that shit down…”

Bzzt-Bzzt-Bzzt!

Huh? Is that my phone?

Wait, my phone!

“Feck!” I said quickly, pulling it out as fast as I could and answering it. “Hello?”

“... Sam? It's… actually you?” I heard my sister Vira’s voice.

“V-Vira?” I stammered, feeling breathless at… hearing my sister again, like a gut punch just happened out of nowhere. “It’s… it’s really you?”

“Depends. Are you the same dumb little brother who thought it was a good idea to swallow a whole bag of baby carrots one at a time?”

“That was one time .” I huffed.

“It is you.” She said, her tone full of relief, happiness and… so much.

“Yeah it’s… it’s me… and I’m alive cause eldritch beings beyond eldritch beings thought it would be funny to ‘spice up reality’...” I said, tears filling my eyes as I just… felt so happy about hearing my sis once again.

“Heh… We all thought you got kidnapped or something… wasn’t til we all got up here that we learned you were still alive.”

“Technically I was kidnapped…” I sighed. “But… but how are you doing? How’s everyone else?”

“Well, we’re all dead so, doing great actually.”

“Lucky.” I admitted. “I have to deal with Warhammer 30K bullshit.”

“I know… We don’t get details about what’s going on in the living worlds we come from but we get general news.”

“Well that’s… good I suppose. But… how are you calling me? Isn’t the afterlife still… different from what’s here?”

“Well, there are ways. This is the least magic variant so far but there are ways. The systems they have here for communicating with the living are nuts, but the paperwork is bullshit.”

“Paperwork in Heaven? Sounds more like Hell to me.”

“Well, dead people across time and dimensions all live here. Sadly paperwork is necessary.” She sighed. “Other than that, it’s nice here. Free housing, free food, no bills, and I’ve watched every version of Supernatural that currently exists across the Multiverse."

“And you call me obsessed.” I teased with a roll of my eyes.

“... I wish we could meet up. Talk for… a time. But this call is only allowed to last for five minutes.”

I checked the Call Timer. Already over a minute and a half.

“Well… we still got some time.” I admitted. “And meet up? Yeah I… wish we could do…” I sighed.

“So… How’s the world doing? I had heard that things were getting better.”

“Yeah, I’m able to recreate plant life with my super psychic powers and… well I’m here to basically keep everyone grounded.” I admitted.

“That’s good. So, Neoth… didn’t see that coming.”

“In hindsight it was painfully obvious, considering his favorite color is Gold, he was built like a brick house, he always wanted to show off his Custodian mini’s…” I listed off nervously. “But… half the time he acted like an idiot so …”

“Is he still an idiot at least?”

“Yes, ranging from him throwing a pecan pie at me, to literally flying through space to fist fight a god on mars cause it dared hurt his horse.”

“He had a horse? That’s cool.”

“Apparently he named his horse Sigmire and it was Psychic.”

“That’s hilarious.” Vira chuckled. “... The others say hi. Sorry I can’t pass the phone, there’s just this one special phone for this call and only one person is permitted to talk on it at a time.”

“Tell them all I said hi… and I miss all of you…”

“We miss you too… so much…”

“Love you sis…” I said, choking back a sob as I said those words.

“We love you too Sam… One day, we’ll meet again… until then, as much as it might seem counter productive… talk to us. Believe it or not, shrines are the best way to send us small messages. The rules here are… kind of weird like that.”  

“... It’s gonna piss Neoth off so much to hear that plan.” I chuckled.

“Maybe, but there’s a difference between praying to gods and praying to family and loved ones.”

“True.” I admitted. “But who knows…”

—

The air was cold, as expected… still, all I could do was look up at the now gone roof.

They’re gone… they have the Guiding Hands implanted onto them. Knowledge, messages, but still…

They’re gone…

“Come on Sam.” Neoth said, gently putting a finger to my shoulder. “You’ll catch a cold staying here any longer.”

“... I was standing right there …” I pointed weakly towards where I stood. “I… saw them grab the kids…”

“I know…” He sighed. “It was a fixed event… we couldn’t have changed it…”

I shook my head. “Let’s… let’s just get going…” I sighed. “If… at least this remained the same… Alpharius should be hidden somewhere around here… then the closest one should be… I think Horus? Not sure what lore you decided on the specific trail of finding the Primarch’s.”

“Their kidnapping was unavoidable… but their rescue, well, that’s in our hands.” Neoth said, taking out a small device. It was barely anything in his hands but in mine it fit perfectly. I looked at it, then realized as I took out my phone. It slid into it perfectly like some kind of high tech case and watched as some new app installed itself then it opened.

… I managed a chuckle. ‘Find My Primarch.’

“Ah, yes, Find my Primarch.” I said with a small smile.

The interface was simple, just the Primarch’s faces as they are as infants.

I clicked on Alpharius, and it displayed a small radar map. 

He was close. Less than five miles from here.

“Five miles that way is Alpharious.” I answered, pointing towards where the kid is.

“Well then, let’s go pick them up then head to the new place.”

“Good.” I nodded. “Let’s make this quick…”

It was a very short ride to Alpharius. His pod looked split in half, which makes sense I guess.

He was no bigger than any other human baby.

I picked them up, wrapping them in a spare blanket and walked back onto the Thunderhawk where I sat next to Neoth as we started flying out.

“He’s going to age fast. By a year he’ll probably be taller than you.” Neoth mentioned.

“Maybe…” I sighed. “I know under normal circumstances, like with Guilliman, that it would take that long but… worried it might cause growth spurts for… others in dire situations.”

“We’ve done all we can for them… for now, they’ll be on their own… most of them.” Neoth said, flicking his hand as a rattle appeared on Alpharius’s chest. The infant Primarch grabbed it and began shaking.

Heh… 

“So, I’m surprised you haven’t asked where we’re going.” He added.

“Just… lost in thought is all.” I sighed. “But where are we going?”

“China. Or what was once known as China. There’s something being made in orbit there I think you’ll like. I had to make more modifications than expected to it, and I might have used a little bit of my powers to speed up the building process but I think it’s worth it.”

“Oh? That sounds interesting.” I said, looking down at the infant still shaking his rattle in blissful ignorance.

“Yeah. It ended up being bigger than expected but the construction crews managed well enough.” He said, tapping on a nearby window. 

I looked out, seeing as the sun was coming in over the horizon and… What… The… Fuck…

I’ve seen models and sketches of the Bucephelus… A hulking monster of a space ship. 

What I was looking at covered most of the sky and I think was twice the size it was supposed to be!

“... The heck did you do to your flag ship?” I asked in surprise.

“Made it bigger and more… impressive.” Neoth said simply as the Thunderhawk began flying up to break away from the Atmosphere.

“It’s… probably as big as the Phalanx, if not bigger .” I said in awe. “... Or it’s because GW are really bad at scale…”

“They are horrible at Scale, not just for army battles, but how big they think the Galaxy is.” Neoth stated.

“Yeah… it’s gonna get a little complicated with how we go from ‘million planets’ to ‘there are trillions of them’...”

“More or less, but for a comparison the space the Bucephulus has on it is comparable to the surface area of the moon.”

“That is… a lot of space…” I said in awe. “Okay so… we can fit a state worth of people on there…”

“And then some. I’ve redesigned it to be a mini fortress planet capable of holding and supporting generations as it sails towards the objective. To find my lost children, and your Nephews and niece."

“Yeah, we’re going to find them and it’s going to be great.” I said readily. “Hear that little one? We’re gonna rescue your siblings.” I said with a warm smile at the child in my arms.

“And like that you’ve earned yourself the unofficial title of Primarch Manny.” Neoth chuckled.

“True, someone needs to be a good example of a proper adult.” I chuckled.

“Then get used to the Bucephelus. As one of my Regents, you have authority to sail across space in it to find them.”

“Yeah… let’s just hope that no Warp nonsense happens while we’re traveling.”

“There’s always Warp Nonsense.” Neoth sighed. 

“Ick… well let’s hope for the best then.”

—

6 Months Later

I stared up at the armored statue of an Astartes. Technically it was actual armor just decommissioned due to battle damage.

Though, by now, I knew better.

“I know you’re in there, Alpharius.”

The armor moved a bit, the chest piece popping off as I moved aside and out crawled Alpharius. He did grow fast. At six months old he was as tall and proportioned as an average young adult, but smarter than most.

That being said, he’s still a child, so I make sure that despite his size and intellect, he gets to be one. So, we play games. He loves Hide and Seek.

“You’re cheating with that device aren’t you?” He asked, dressed in a simple black jumpsuit with nothing else aside the Imperial Golden Eagle across the back.

“I have not cheated once you silly child.” I chuckled, patting his head.

He rolled his eyes. Then looked at the Guiding Hand implant on the back of his right hand. “Well, either way. Either I need to get better at hiding, or you’re cheating.”

“I mean, you’re really good at hiding though.” I brought up.

“Not good enough it seems.” He sighed.

Still can’t believe it’s only six months old. Primarchs being built different takes on a whole other meaning when you watch it happen in person.

“Listen, I’m a special case, half the time your own Captain is asking for my help to find you.” I brought up. “And to out do your second in command is definitely impressive.”

He hummed. “Still, part of me feels like I’m supposed to be better… The only people who can ever find me are you and father.”

“Well, you are missing your twin brother.” I brought up. “Your literal other half given your… specialty.”

“Wonder what he’s doing… And the others… I mean, nineteen brothers, one of which is my twin, and then a sister? It’s a big family that I’m missing…”

I sighed… yeah. I see him walking up and down the Family Hall. A large hallway with rooms for every Primarch, personal quarters aboard Neoth’s flagship here. They’re all empty right now, just doors with their Legion numbers on them, blank name plates.

Almost like back before, I share a space with Neoth in his chambers. Granted he set it up so it’s basically two different quarters in one space, both still are linked by the big special door.

Alpharius’s room is split down the middle. His side bears the Alpha symbol on it, and is already full of some small toys I managed to create practicing with my newfound Warp Abilities. Also a computer with games Neoth uploaded. The other side, the side with the Omega… barren and blank. Nothing but an empty bed waiting for an already adult Primarch.

“I know nephew… but we’re looking, the Warp is… weird sometimes when it comes to Time as a whole.” I admitted, as we’ve been traveling for a long time to find any of them. “

“Just wonder what they’ll be like…”

Well, we should be finding Horus soon, and unlike in cannon, we won’t be hiding Alpharius from them… but that also potentially means that Omegon is still going to be the last Primarch found.

I sighed. “Well, I know one thing, he’ll be a friend.” I admitted softly. “Just… it might take a while, even if I personally looked for them.”

“Are we at least close to one of them?”

“Yes, we are getting close to finding your brother, the sixteenth, Horus.” I answered. “He might seem a little strange, but all your siblings are.”

“Uncle, I’m only six months old, but can talk, think and out perform any adult, that’s on top of being taller than most adults. I’ve got a pretty good idea of the strange to expect from my siblings.”

Oh he might not be saying that when he see’s Horus’s ears…

I gently put a hand on Alpharius’s shoulder. “First, your siblings are even more special… and two… you know nothing of how weird humanity is in general.” I chuckled.

“I would if you take that dumb ‘Safe Search’ restriction off my terminal.”

“You sweet summer child, physically you may be a young adult, with a super smart mind, but there is a difference between Wisdom and Intelligence, as well as mental maturity… and trust me when I say, you are not mature enough, and you don’t have the Wisdom for it.” I said nervously.

“Hm…” He frowned. “Well, how’s your training been going? You seem a bit more fit.”

I did start exercising. I felt wrong to not be at least in shape, even with my twink body. I have been getting stronger and more fit faster than I expected though…

“Well, I gotta keep up with you given how physically capable you are so I can’t get flabby.”

“Right… I guess I should get to my shooting lessons then.”

The fact Neoth managed to make a safe and secure shooting range on this ship…

I mean, he also had a full on farm and park on this ship… which both take up a fair amount of the space on it.

“True, even if it’s baked into your DNA on being a great warrior, practice makes perfect.”

“You and father both say that.”

“Then that means it’s really true.” I admitted. “And your father should know about practice, he’s a very old man.”

“I mean, so are you? Right?”

… Huh… I guess I am technically ten thousand years old… though I did jump that… huh…

“I mean… technically ? But I was kidnapped through mystical means uh…” I scratched my head in thought at that.

Alpharius went back to his lessons. He doesn’t need many, but it helps keep him grounded in some normalcy.

I sighed as I went to my half of the room and looked at the phone, still covered in that special device Neoth made. Horus… hope he’s doing well…

He was raised by gangsters if I recall…

“Cthonia is a ‘feral world’ though, used to be mining… hmm, let’s hope those gang members didn’t do anything weird to him…”

Worst case scenario… his higher senses might mean he could smell small bits of useful materials… worst case…

Well, according to this he is still alive, thank god Neoth put in a Vitals Monitoring.

I sighed, scratching my head as I know this ship probably is moving a lot faster but… it’s been six months out of a possible three year journey here.

Three… by then both Horus and Alpharius and the rest of them will all be adults fully, physically. As Primarchs at least…

“And then, lore wise, it’ll take eighteen fucking years to find Leman…” I groaned. “Then… the next biggest gap is… the Rangdan wars…”

There’s a lot of shit to expect in the coming years…

Guess until then I should focus on Alpharius and helping ensure the Imperium doesn’t start to turn Grimdark. Or at least not full on Grimdark.

I sighed, pulling out my phone and going onto a notepad app, going down the long list of shit I need to do to make sure things don’t go sideways. “Just have to make sure I follow the plan, make sure things go well enough and… maybe things will turn out alright…”

Let’s see… one of the main issues for all the crime and gangs on Cthonia are because it no longer has resources… A good terraforming would give all of them fresh water, food… No more need to battle for resources with resources abundant.

A lot of their home worlds can be fixed with that…

“Got a lot of work ahead of myself as some sudden God of Nature and Renewal…” I sighed. “Wait…” I frowned as a realization hit me. “... Oh no…” I muttered, putting my phone away and rushing to find Neoth cause I need to tell him I might accidentally gain a following and uh… get a lot more powerful…

I ran into his room, seeing him sitting on the large couch that fit them, an equally large fitted book in his hands while Counting Stars played softly in the background.

“Do you need something?” Neoth asked as he sat up some at my arrival.

“Okay, so I need to inform you that I might accidentally be seen as a God.” I admitted nervously. “And will probably get stronger because of it…”

“... Why?”

“Well uh… given my powers, people might think I’m a God of Nature and Renewal and… worship from there whether I like it or not.”

“You’re just now thinking about that?” He asked, giving me a raised eyebrow.

“Listen, I’ve been busy thinking of a lot of other things, like how getting to Leman is gonna take eighteen years, then after we get half the Primarch’s the Rangdan War’s start that will take thirty years even with your help… by the way, what the fuck are the Halo Stars?” I asked.

“Like the Ghoul Stars… you really don’t want to know…” Neoth said, which honestly… scared me that he told me that.

”Uh… right…” I said nervously.

“In any case, in your own words, play into it.”

I gasped. How dare he throw my own advice back at me!

“You atheistic asshole, how dare you throw my advice back at me.”

He shrugged. “Welcome to my hell.”

“Ugh, at least with you that’s genuinely your fault for looking the part… I just do things…”

“And in this day in age, you could be prayed to for giving someone an extra ration of food.”

“I mean… fair.” I admitted. “Also… we really need to look at Agriworlds, cause they… kind of don’t make sense to me either on scale or… how they were able to send all that food off planet without some science shenanigans happening.”

“Well, there’s a lot of pre-processing that usually goes on. Kind of can’t transport all that fresh produce without packaging, freezing then shipping it all. Be it greens or meats.”

“Alright, cause another thing is… I don’t know if agriworlds are too scale, even with GW’s shitty scaling issues.”

“Before the Age of Strife began most were… around Terra’s size, some were smaller but not by much.”

“Huh, interesting.” I admitted.

“There was this idea some people had to build Agri-ships that would orbit around stars, each just… filled with dirt and covered with high strength glass or some form of atmosphere holding energy shielding to keep air in and do that. The idea had some promise but then the Age of Strife happened and… well… that ended before it really could begin.”

“Still have to find some AI and figure out why that happened to begin with.” I sighed.

“Do you really want to know?” Neoth asked.

“I’d like to know cause it’s a little difficult to see how AI did in fact respect humanity from Death of Integrity, to nearly destroying Humanity.”

“It’s actually really stupid.”

“... What happened?”

“All you need to know is that it started with someone wanting to make an AI hateful to humans for political gain.”

“... In what fucking world would anyone think that’s a good idea in any capacity?”

“A politician with low approval ratings.”

“So he doomed the entirety of Human Kind for… for fucks sake…” I groaned.

“Yeah… the bright side is he died early on in it.”

“Good, fuck him.”

“But in terms of AI… few if any might be around at all anymore…”

“I know there’s one that will come back in M39, but who knows if that’ll happen given Warp and Time go about as good as a Cactus and Masterbation.”

“Says the one who had thorned toys.”

I threw my shoe at him.

“Those weren’t ‘thorned’, ribbed you bitch.” I huffed.

“They looked like mini cones up and down the damned things!”

“At least I wasn’t squeamish over buying a fleshlight that one time.”

“Bruh, your ‘Private’ drawer was like a Republicans secret browser history!”

“I am happily Bi, shut up you.” I huffed. “But tell me you at least had a date while I was gone?”

“On and off.” He shrugged. “Never really settled. Longest relationship was… thirty years?”

“... Were you actually married?” I asked carefully.

“No.”

I stared at him. “... Thirty years… not married…” I said slowly. “... You’re fucking hopeless dude.”

“Sam, I can’t get married. I live forever… I already watched three people closer to me than anyone before die and… I can’t live through that again…”

“Is that why you always wanted an Elf girlfriend?” I asked.

He frowned, snapping his fingers as another pecan pie fell on my head.

“I’ve buried more friends in my life than anyone who lives should, and in my whole life I’ve only ever buried three family members.”

“Rude, and can you stop throwing pie at me?”

“No. It’s funny, and free pie.”

“Point still stands, you need to get married cause god damn.”

“No… I’m not burying my family again.”

I sighed. “You can’t just be alone forever my guy.”

“Given the Primarchs, and you, hopefully I won’t be… if things go well.”

“Well… just to remind you, Sanguinious’s Soul is literally a fallen angel corrupted by… something that involves Drak’Nyen… so be careful.”

To be continued...

Chapter Text

5 Years Later

I’ve gotten used to the new normal of the Imperium. The tech wasn’t that hard to figure out, and with Neoth’s help the sciences have been alright.

Psyker abilities seem to focus more on souls and organic life. What’s weird is that while I can make basically anything organic out of nothing, inorganic matter I can’t. I can transmute it from existing materials, but not create it like Neoth or Malcador can.

Alpharius, over the last few years began his work as a Primarch. Despite him being only five, he was bored, and there wasn’t much else we could train, teach or entertain him with. So, we let him start his work.

First was recruiting for the Alpha Legion. The new Astartes ascension process was much smoother, and rather than a full decade, the evolution takes two years, with only five more for training, and it’s applicable to children and adults, meaning kids can largely stay kids.

With all the new seas, rivers and forests we made, that made me glad. Terra from space still had a lot of brown spots and pollution, but you can see the water from space again, and the green of the revived forests. Growing on and with the buildings in a hybrid forest-city.

Soon, we’ll be seeing Cthonia soon…

I was hoping we’d reach it earlier… still… We’ll be finding Horus soon…

“We’re almost there…” I sighed.

“Cthonia… a mining planet that was already low on resources come the Age of Strife.” Alpharius said as he looked over the data slate in his hands. He was eager to meet one of his siblings. He wore his armor now, the Alpha symbol on his chest piece. He’s taller than me, about as tall as some Astartes. He’s gonna be annoyed he’s shorter than Horus. Maybe. “The place must be barren now… What will we expect uncle?”

“Most likely normal Hive World bullshit, top of the Hive is a bunch of rich fuckers living like kings, and a bunch of gangs and other such nonsense happening in the lower levels as they struggle to survive.”

“And you think Horus is in the lower levels?” He asked as I kept looking out the window at the stars.

“Yep, cause that’s where his Capsule most likely landed.” I admitted. “Even with his new ‘features’, his situation is… sadly going to be the same given how Hive Cities work.”

“That’s concerning…”

“Yes it is, that’s the problem with Hive Cities…” I sighed. “After a certain point the things actually making the place function are fueled by the rapid birth rates to keep fresh workers up, and the corpses recycled to feed said workers…”

“Disgusting…”

“Gets worse when you learn that the planet your brother Konrad is on only has a stable population from it’s suicide rate.” I said. “Because Humanity thought it was too big to fail, and didn’t plan out what would happen when it actually did …”

“Nothing is too big to fail. Those who say such things only say so because they have means to survive the fall of the empire.” Alpharius sighed.

“And that is why we are trying to set things on the right track.” I admitted. “If not fix things, then at least put the Galaxy in a direction that won’t end in nothing but pure unfettered war on all sides… just have to proceed to worry about things outside the galaxy after a certain point…”

“Right. These… Tyranids, you mentioned. When will we expect to make first contact with these monsters?”

“I mean… it depends really cause at this point in time, the Silent King is kinda sorta keeping them at bay, and as long as we don’t fuck with any Necron Tech to draw their attention…” I said carefully. “Then of course there’s other terrible things like the Cacodominus…”

“So we don’t know.” He sighed.

“Blame the people that wrote this future, they really wanted to sell mini’s and be shitty to the fandom back in my time.”

“Planet Detected.” One of the navigators spoke up. Alpharius and I both looked up to the screen above, showing a zoomed in image… of a polluted planet with towering buildings and massive holes with spotty electricity. Based on the lights anyway.

Cthonia…

It looks worse in real life…

“Fucking hell, it’s worse …” I muttered. “Neoth! Time for you to be a Dad!” I called out knowing that he would need to be there to believe the nonsense here.

… Oh for fucks sake where is he?!

I got up and headed towards our divided quarters where I heard… He’s in the shower?!

“We’re over Cthonia! Hurry up!” I called out.

“Ah fuck everytime I try and shower shit happens!” Neoth yelled as I heard the water turn off. It didn’t take long til he was hopping out of there, hair still wet and getting his boots on. “Okay first things first, use the program to see where exactly Horus is.”

“Even after all these years you still suck at timing your showers.” I chuckled, bringing up the ‘Find A Primarch’ and activating it to see where he was specifically.

Okay according to this Horus is… Wait, that can’t be right…

He’s in the Upper Elite areas…

“He’s in the Upper Elite area.” I said carefully.

“Didn’t you say he’d be in the slums?” Neoth asked as he finished getting his boots on.

“That’s what was supposed to happen but… if that’s the case then fuck …” I groaned.

“Guess we’re in for a surprise then.” Neoth said. “Come on, let’s get onto a thunderhawk and see what’s up for ourselves. I’m sure Alpharius is already waiting for us there.”

“Wouldn’t surprise me.” I admitted. “He’s finally going to meet one of his siblings so he’s probably super eager.”

We rushed to the thunderhawk where a whole lot of them began sailing down to the landing space just outside the Elite Upper City.

The first thing I noticed was that this whole place was quiet. The other thing was that some of the larger fancy buildings had broken windows and there looked like there was a fire at one point.

“Well I’ll be damned.” We turned, seeing a drunkard sitting on some metal, rusty boxes with bottles of some kind of booze all around. “Giants from space. Either this batch was fucked or I’m not drunk enough yet.” They chuckled. He looked mixed, dirty and dressed in a torn jumpsuit with no shoes.

“The fuck happened here?”

“Oh the Wolf happened.” The drunk said, taking a long swig. “Bout… fourish years ago, lower city gangs found this weird mutant baby with features like a wolf from old stories then sold then to the nobility. Got a lot of money for them since it was at least a nicer looking mutant.”

“And the people?” Alpharius asked.

“Year ago the mutt broke out, was a giant… about yours-ish size and killed em all. Kills anyone who goes too close in.”

“... I knew that bad feeling was correct.” I frowned. “Well shit… so where’s Wolf Master Six Thousand at?”

“Up there.” They motioned to the tallest building. “Probably looking down at us now.”

I sighed, turning and… Where’s Neoth?

I looked to Alpharius, who looked around realizing his dad was gone and we then saw the giant of a man already walking towards the tallest building.

“Oh shit…” I said, rushing after him. “Let’s not have a fist fight…”

“Who said anything about fighting?” Neoth asked as he looked down at me as I caught up with Alpharius behind me.

“Just making sure you don't do something stupid.”

“Please, I’ll just do something else stupid.” Neoth chuckled.

“So, what are we going to do about our Feral Wolf bird man?”

“Okay first off, don’t call me bird man, secondly… He should be able to recognize Alpharius and I as like him in some manner. I was able to genetically program that into all the primarchs, from there we just hope he’s not too distrusting of people and willing to work with us.”

“I was calling Horus the bird man because Horus was a bird man in Egyptian Myth.” I admitted. “But… that is true, let's hope for the best.”

“Be prepared to make fruits and such just to be safe.”

I nodded, keeping my powers at the ready to throw fruit at the Primarch. “Ready.”

We reached the torn open front doors were many guard corpses still lay. Some were ripped apart, others were smashes. The flesh already dried but the faint scent of decay lingered in the air. Their fancy clothes and augmetics reduced to torn fabric and scrap metal atop the bones and dried meat.

“Well… that’s gruesome…”

We walked further in, and I saw a large sign. ‘Come see the Mutant Wolf-Man! Freak of Inhumanity!’

There was a cartoon stylized version of Horus, ears and all sitting like a dog as a man stood over them tossing a bone.

Christ…

“These humans were lucky to have died before we arrived…” Alpharius muttered in disgust.

“Agreed.” Neoth nodded.

“Maybe we should have just kept you all as Human…” I said carefully.

“They’re still human. Some just see differences and believe otherwise.” Neoth sighed.

“It’s still horseshit.”

“They’re dead… all we can do now is help heal my son.”

We reached an elevator and went up, the lift looked easily able to handle cargo so I imagine Neoth and Alpharius’s weights are fine.

When the doors opened we were met by more dead. These ones shoved into cages, chains wrapped around their neck… Oh god.

I covered my nose. I smell shit and unwashed!

“Horus…” Neoth said as I looked up ahead, seeing the- Oh my god he’s naked! And filthy!

The Primarch seemed to keep their distance, looking between Neoth, Alpharius and me.

“You… two… are… like me… tiny… like… them.” They spoke, their voice sounding rough, as if speaking wasn’t common for them.

“Okay, first ! You need a bath, taught things, a bath, clothes, then bathing in those clothes.” 

“Sam.” Neoth sighed.

“You are Horus.” Alpharius said, taking a few careful steps forwards. “You… are my brother.”

Horus looked at Alpharius, his head tilting a bit as his ears folded back. “Brother…”

“Yes, see.” He showed Horus his Guiding Hand implant, and Horus looked at his own hand, the red gem was there but cracked. “What… happened?”

“Caught me… learning… doesn’t come off… so they broke.” He managed to get out. “Kept learning. Kept listening.”

“Looks like you didn’t make it as durable as we’d hoped…” I sighed.

“Persistent bastards. That thing can survive a million bolter shots and high grade explosions…” Neoth said. “Son…” He said, getting Horus’s attention not. “You can trust us… we’re your family. Your uncle used to read to you in your pod.”

“Family… uncle…” Horus muttered, looking between the three of us again before looking at me. “... Galaxy… far away…” 

“You read him Star Wars?!” Neoth yelped then looked down at me.

“I only read him the Original Trilogy, feck off.” I said with raised hands to defend myself here.

“Who reads Star Wars to a baby?”

“Who taps on their glass pod like their a fucking fish?” I countered bluntly. “Also, bitch I heard the residual telepathy, you were reading Dr. Stone to Magnus, Perturabo, Vulkan and Ferrus!”

“Doctor Stone is iconic!”

“Please ignore them, they’re both giant nerds.” Alpharius said to his brother.

“But… uncle tiny?” Horus replied.

“We’ll get you an education soon…” He sighed, but held out a hand. “Come on brother, we have many more siblings to find and much to discuss.” 

Horus eyes Alpharius’s hand, but slowly walked. Not a proper walk, but he took Alpharius’s hand.

—

“I smell… weird…” Horus said as he was now clean, took five baths , and wearing some fitting clothes, a simple shirt and shorts.

“That’s called soap.” I said. “Very strong soap because you smelled like actual shit.”

“Kept in display room. Not much room.” Horus replied.

Damn it…

I sighed… okay, time to help educate him. He seems to at least get language, so just needs help on sentence structure and everything else after will follow after.

“Alright… so first, it’s time to start teaching you how to speak more fluently.”

“Flutely?”

“Fluently, it means to express yourself easily and clearly.” I explained.

“Alright I’ve brought food.” Neoth said as- Holy crap that’s a whole ass roasted cow! “And yes I lab clones this cow just to cook it for Horus here. More will be made later for breeding and species revival as cattle.”

“Uh huh… cool.” I said. “I’m trying to teach Horus language and to speak better.”

“Good. I’m sure he’ll pick up fast.” Neoth nodded. “I’ll head back to Cthonia now to start Terraforming and Alpharius is already having fun taking down the various gangs.”

“That’s good.” I nodded. “Alright, so we have a whole ass roasted cow here… and it smells good…”

“I can eat?” Horus asked.

“Yes.” Neoth nodded. “Even with your physiology, you need food.”

“We’ll teach you table manners later.” I admitted.

Horus was already ripping a leg off and biting into it. Damn, well cooked. Well, Neoth always was a good cook.

As Horus ate I began my basic lesson, mainly just having Horus say and repeat things. He could somewhat read, but was already picking up what he was missing.

After the lessons Alpharius taught Horus how to have fun. I’m glad. They’re both only five after all, and even if Alpharius was performing his duties as a Primarch, he is still only five.

Horus loves the ‘park’ which is one of the main greenery rooms with trees, grass, even some fish. Might not be smart to take chunks of the earth and take them with you into space… but fuck it, people these days almost never see green unless it’s from Ork skin…

“Regent Sam.” One of the Custodies with us on the Bucephelus said as he approached me. “We’ve received word from Regent Malcador on Terra.”

“And what does old man Mal need?” I inquired.

“He requests to speak to either you or The Emperor… and the Emperor is currently in the shower… last time one of us bothered him there we were punched two miles away.”

Yeesh, what is he cursed to not shower in peace? First the skateboard thing and now this?

“Seriously, he has shitty timing with his Showers…” I sighed. “Alright, I’ll go talk to the old man.”

I walked over to the Warp-Vox phone thing… which was just a Psyker with cables in their head hooked up to what’s basically a phone.

… Wait a minute…

I pulled out my cell phone, looking through the contacts and… huh…

I dialed up the one that was just titled as Mal.

…

“How in all that can still be called Holy are you telepathically contacting me?!” Mal’s voice filled my phone’s speaker.

“Back in my day, we had these things called Cellular Telephones, sonny.” I joked in a dumbass ‘old person’ tone.

“That doesn’t explain jack shit and you know it.”

“Either way, what do you need, Mal?”

I heard them sigh before they spoke. “An Eldari ship entered Terra’s solar system several days ago. An envoy was sent to investigate and… Looks like one of the Primarch’s made their way home to Terra… and with a new adopted family of Dark Eldar.”

Dark- ANGRON!?

“Okay… before I jump to conclusions… do they have a Corgi Mix Furry with them?” I asked slowly.

“The leader of the group was struggling not to cry as three Eldar Women were sobbing and cuddling to the very confused hybrid who just hugged them back.”

“... Yeah that’s Angron…” I said carefully. “Alright, good to know the Goodest Boy that ever Gooded is safe and sound.”

“Wow, the Emperor was right, you do have a favorite. Either way, his Eldari company were put into holding cells for the moment. The new Primarch waits for you to return to Terra. How goes that mission anyway? Did you reach Cthonia already?”

“I’m sorry that Angron’s soul is literally that of a Corgi with a Heart of Gold.” I huffed. “But we already got Horus… good news, he is okay, bad news is that he was treated like an animal, worse news is that he isn’t fully… educated.” I admitted carefully.

“He’s a Primarch, he’ll pick it up fast. Alpharius was basically fully educated after just a few months, I’m sure Horus will be no different. Infact, learning from his brother would likely make it go by faster.”

“True, plus we have figured out that the Guiding Hands are still capable of being broken sadly.” I sighed. “But even worse news… these two incidents mean that their situation’s might be different or worse …” I said. “We… need to find Lorgar before the Chaos Worshipers that found him do too much damage…” I sighed.

“For that we’d need Warp Travel and even then it might take too long.”

“Well, it’s a good thing that our pupper has Eldar wrapped around his empathic paws, cause now we have access to the Web Way.”

“Oh… Well, then get back to Terra as soon as possible. Actually… Ugh. Alright give me a bit… how do you hang this up?”

I rolled my eyes but hung up on my end. Okay… Angron is here now, way faster than I expected.

Alright, best go tell Neoth, Alpharius and Horus.

“Well this is going to speed up our plans exponentially…” I admitted carefully. “Though I suppose that does help us in the long run…”

I rushed to find the three giants and let them know the news. Alpharius was excited, and Horus was curious. Neoth seemed silent about it, just nodding before heading to his room.

That was… weird…

“Okay um… I’m gonna need to check up on your dad… so uh… Alpharius, have fun with your brother and… please don’t teach him swears.”

“Not even Clanker.” Alpharius huffed.

“Clanker?” Horus asked.

“It’s a robot. Basically.” 

“Robot?”

“I have a lot more to teach you than I first thought…”

I chuckled, leaving the two as I went and found Neoth sitting on his large couth, I’d joke about it being his Golden Couch were it not a basic brown fabric.

He was kind of looking off into nothing as he rubbed his left temple.

“You okay there big guy?”

“I’ve been dreading Angron’s discovery…” He admitted.

“Why do you say that?”

“... Cause I know once his Empathic field reaches me I’ll feel something I haven’t felt since back when humanity believed the earth was flat, the center of the universe and that the sun and moon were gods.” He sighed. “And I feel like it might break me…”

“... You specifically built Angron to be an Empath… part of you wants to finally feel that way again, even if you don’t want to… or have possibly been siphoning off bits of your soul in preparation for the horseshit in the future.”

“... I was born a twin, Sam.” Neoth said, making me… pause. “I had a sister…”

“I thought you were ‘created’ by a bunch of Shaman’s doing a Suicide Pact and merging like, thirty powerful souls together?” I asked.

“Dude, that’s just GW being edgy… I was just… a human, my powers came as I grew… and my sister was similar, but where I could move and later bend reality… she… she was a Psychic Empath… As she grew, so did the radius of her power… by the time we were three, the whole village could… just, feel and understand the emotions of everyone within it. There was no conflicts, no arguments, no suffering in solitude because everyone knew the emotions, the reasons or lack thereof and…” He sighed.

“What happened to her?”

“She got ill. Despite her powers, physically… she was still human. We were… twenty or so. The illness that took her was much later on known as Pneumonia… The day she died, and that Empathic field vanished… the hollowness in my chest just… felt so bottomless…”

I sighed. “Trust me… I get it.” I sighed bitterly.

“Yes, I made Angron to replicate her power… but even as I was making it I was… worried. Worried once I felt that again, I’d fall apart, or that they’d be unable to handle the emotions I’ve kept inside for all these millennia…”

“Well… the only way to find out is to meet him.”

“I know… I just… I don't know how to feel about it… For the first time in eons… I feel… scared.”

“That means your Human.” I stated. “And no amount of gold plating, shining like the sun, or flaming god sword will deny that.”

“Heh… this thing does more than just catch fire.” He chuckled, picking up the sword that was next to his arm. He held it, the flames lit up and-

“I just wanna be part of your symphony~” The sword sang as it was glowing rainbow rave colors.

…

“Bruh.”

Neoth burst out laughing. “Sorry, sorry, I just needed to… needed to laugh.” He sighed, the sword turning off. “Pretty sure when I showed Malcador that he had a mini stroke.”

“You will kill that old man I swear.”

“He survived a family of twenty siblings, he’ll be fine.”

“And how many of those were sisters?”

“Sixteen.”

Jesus Christ!

“The actual fuck?”

“Yeah. He hated his brothers with a passion. To be fair, they were assholes. His sisters were kinder… Pretty sure that’s why he wanted the Primarch’s to all be female initially.”

“Well then he sure as shit got lucky with not dealing with any of the Sister bullshit like I did.”

“... Do you know why I became friends with Malcador?” Neoth asked simply.

“He’s a Perpetual?” I guessed.

“No. No. See, I met Malcador about… two hundred years or so before the Age of Strife began. Back when earth was still, well, good. Technology was at its height, humanity could spend their time free from basic labor and all into research and fun.” Neoth started. “Back then he was an Archivist, studying to store and preserve ancient earth history, later on it would become known as Sigillites, though back then it was a college sorority of sorts, and well he reminded me of someone when I met them.” He said, pulling up a data slate and after entering a long password he pulled out a photo then showed me- 

SWEET SEXY FEMBOY!

They looked like… me! But taller, longer hair and more… girly girl!

WHAT THE SHIT?!

“Hold the fuck up what ?” I asked incredulously. “They… they look like me ?”

“Yeah. Not the first time I’ve seen someone like you but even so, it took a lot of digging though now ancient records, but far enough back he and many others alive still today, even some of the Custodies and Astartes have a genetic relation to you. Granted it’s so far back you’re basically not even detectable, but the records proved that long ago, your sister's children had children and… well, that branch grew and then Malcador was born thousands of years later.” Neoth nodded. “Though when we first met personality wise as you can see, maybe he inherited more than expected despite the distance. He only became more of what you see now after he lost the ‘twink bod’ as he aged and well, when the age of strife hit, he became the Malcador we know today.”

“Well… age and watching the collapse amot human civilization would do that…”

“It hit them hard, watching so much history and progress collapse. It’s an event that many only ever read about or saw in movies.Not a lot of people could handle the reality unfolding around them.”

“All because a select few decide to ruin everything for everyone…”

“That’s usually how it always goes, yeah.” Neoth nodded. “... What was Angron going to be like… before we changed things?”

“He was going to be thrown into a Gladiatorial Pit for people’s amusement, especially the ‘High Riders’, to the point they force him to try and kill his adoptive father and they… force the Butcher’s Nails into him… removing all his Empathic Powers and just giving him so… so much pain… and all he wanted was to die because of it.”

“Well, at least now things turned out differently for him… better. Horus might have started out bad, but already Angron is far better than he would have been otherwise. Still think we should have kept them all purely human?”

“It’s just… a worrying thing.” I sighed. “Because certain ones, like Lorgar, are probably going to be put through worse then what they already had…” I admitted. “It’s why we’re going to be rushing to Lorgar when we get to Terra cause who the fuck know’s what those Chaos Cultists are doing to the poor guy…”

“Well, if you’re right and these Eldar help us and let us use the web-way, we can get to him and others much faster.”

“Yeah, which will ultimately help us out in the long run to unifying the Galaxy before even worse shit hits the fan.” I sighed. “Also… we have to be weary of the Harlequins… they might not entirely like how my nonsense has disrupted their ‘plays’.” I said carefully.

“Ugh… Harlequins… They creep me out…”

“Their clowns so… yes, that is fair.”

“Do you think we can trust them? They’re still Dark Eldari.”

“The Harlequins aren’t Dark Eldar, they follow Cegorach so they don’t have to deal with that… but if you're talking about the Drukhari that are with Angron… I think we can because the Eldar as a whole are Empath’s due to Psychic Powers, and how close they are with said powers they uh… might be taking Angron’s Empathy abilities super hard to the point it might be like they are staring at Eden itself when near him.”

“Well, if anything this also creates a bridge of alliance with the Eldar. At the very least limited use of the Web-Way is already a big step all things considered.” Neoth sighed. “I’ve met many over the years. Even at our peak they didn’t very much like humanity. Still call us Mon-keigh.” He chuckled. 

“Yeah, not surprising they would still call us that considering.” I chuckled. “But if we can get an alliance with the Eldar the better, if we show we can aid the Drukhari then the Craftworlders are going to be easier to have peace talks with.”

“The biggest thing would be helping them with their Slaanesh problem… They have a means but it’s basically turning them into Alphons Elric with a dreadnought build.” He sighed. “... I wonder…”

“Well, technically there is a way to solve their Slaanesh problem.” I admitted. “And that is to find the Five Crone Swords and awaken the Eldari God of Death Ynnead, but what do you have in mind?”

“Artificial afterlife.”

“That’s… technically what the Infinity Circuit is?”

“Not the same. While close… they’re just gathered together and do what? Talk to the living and each other? They don’t have paradise, they have safety but what good is that if they’re not enjoying the afterlife. I mean hell you talked to your sister on your phone, there is a genuine afterlife and it’s cut off from them because of Slaanesh.”

That is… a good point… what my sister described… sounded like, well, living. Genuinely living despite having passed…

“I’ll see if I can carve out something in the Warp…” I sighed. “Can’t be too hard right? Constantine did it and he’s not even a Psyker.”

“... Excuse me, Valdor did what ?”

“Yeah, in the Eisenhorn books, Constantine was building his own pocket dimension in the Warp and was calling himself the ‘King in Yellow’, all to find your True Name and bring you back to Power after the Heresy.”

“Yeesh. My real name isn’t even that impressive. Obsessed much?”

“Well, the whole ‘True Name’ bit is more along the lines of Egyptian Mythology, so if he knew your True Name then he would be able to either gain all your powers, or Empower your corpse throne self, and it’s kinda implied that Big E was the one that sent him off to do the thing? The book series wasn’t finished yet…”

“Pfft, he couldn’t have handled my power if he tried. I should know, I did try something similar long time ago with this one guy. My power blew him up. It was grotesque.”

“Sounds about right, but again this is working on Egyptian Mythology laws of True Names so who knows.” I shrugged. “All I remember was that Valdor created his pocket dimension and creating an Army of Winged Astartes and Blanks for some reason or another, so with my powers I might be able to do some shenanigans… might need to talk to Caller if he knows someone that might help.”

“Hmm… We can talk about this with the eldar if we get to-.” Neoth paused, and suddenly I felt it too.

It was a warmth… like… it felt like I was being hugged, by my mother, father, sisters… I could feel them hugging me. Every moment of joy I’d ever experienced in life, it was like it all hit me right at that moment all together. It was overstimulating.

“That… must be Angron.” He managed, standing up.

I fell to my knees and… genuinely wept. “Ho… hokay uh… wow…”

“It will be alright… It’s just… how his power starts off. Give it a moment.” Neoth said and stood there next to me as the warmth seemed to remain but I began to feel… accustomed? No… that’s not the right word, but it felt like it was there, but far less intense.

I managed to stand finally, drying my eyes off.

“Okay… okay I… I think I’m good…”

Nodding, we started walking. We reached the ship’s docking bay where I saw him. Angron was only a bit taller than Alpharius, but shorter than Horus. The eldar ship behind them looked customly modified to have room for Angron.

He was wearing a large cloak, and he had large corgi ears and a tail, curled with orange and white, his ears the same color with bright green eyes.

I smiled. No nails…

And he’s got a head of matching orange hair.

“He is adorable.” I said with a warm smile.

“He looks happy.” Neoth nodded.

“Yeah… he deserves it for the shit he went through in other universes…”

—

“So, Neoth, yes?” One of the Eldari asked.

“Yes.” Neoth nodded, as I was sitting around the table and saw the three Drukhari… well, they don’t really look like Drukhari anymore. The Eldar looked honestly like Elves from most fantasy settings, beautiful, lithe, and mystical with the pointed ears, all three of them still had red hair but they had on genuine clothes and not the possible BDSM bullshit the artwork always depicted, as there was one male and two female all dressed modestly in more human styled clothes, and while the two women were sitting next to Angron I could tell they were still fidgety, for what reason I’m not a hundred percent sure. “I thank you for looking after my Son… did you already give him a name?” Neoth asked before we said his name.

“Not really, Angron seemed to already know it. From the device on his hand.” The male eldar said.

“Angron is short for Angronius, which on the planet he landed on means ‘Child of The Mountain’.” I brought up. “In case you were wondering.”

They nodded. “I will admit, finding Angron was… life changing for us.”

“Hey, it’s better than what another version of your group would have done.” I admitted.

“You mean attempt to kill them?” One of the females asked. 

“And then immediately getting ripped to shreds by said toddler.” I nodded.

“Well, that's not what happened. We were sailing past the planet in our ship when we sensed the Warp open up. We got curious and wanted to investigate.” The male said.

“Though I’m surprised how… small your little band is, is it just the three of you that found him?”

“There was more but… not… anymore.” The male sighed.

“What happened?” I asked carefully.

“When we met Angron, he was an infant, human but not. Physically he was a surprise, but his abilities… I felt things. Emotions I thought long dead. Long snuffed out with time and practiced cruelty of actions. And as time went on, for some, one feeling grew to overcome the rest. Guilt.”

“And… considering how close Eldar are with their Emotions…” I took a deep breath. “... And… how did Angron handle it? Even though he… he tried to take away the pain right?”

“He… He did…” The second Eldari woman said, tears filling her eyes as if remembering it all.

“I’m… I’m so sorry…” I sighed sadly.

“I can't… control my power, or others emotions.” Angron said. “It's passive, all I can do really are super strength, other stuff…”

“Empathic psychic abilities are usually passive.” Neoth said. “What of the other Eldar, what do they see Angron as?”

“To some, an enigma, others see them as the answer to many problems, some just think he's cute and a small, suspicious group don't trust him. There was even a long debate amongst the leaders on if this meeting with you and your kind would be worth it… especially when… he is present.” The male Eldar said, looking at me.

“Funnily enough, I was the one that wanted the physical changes but I can completely understand cause… well…” I trailed off sheepishly.

“How is it you even exist?” One of the females asked. “Our leaders say you are a mortal out of time and baptized in the JiorQuas’s deeper layers.”

“Well… you’d have to ask Caller cause they are the one who transported me here because… he was bored.” I admitted. “Said he wanted to change things up and how I am an enigma as there is no one like me in the wider Multiverse.” I said nervously. “Oh yeah, I also have a pet that John Warhammer over here got me.” I chuckled.

“Yes, we do know about the Ifeth Kurom shard you possess. Our Farseers are… still incredibly confused as to how He Who Shines Brightest bested the shard for a second time…” The former Drukhari man said nervously.

“It killed my horse.” Neoth said flatly.

“He has been on that since I brought it up that he kicked the shard to Mars.” I admitted.

“A… besides the point.” The man shook his head. “So you are saying an outside force is responsible for your… ascension?”

“Yes, a being from the Deep Warp known as ‘Caller’, he specifically picked me because I was an ‘outlier’, a being that doesn’t exist in any other version of this Universe.”

The three Eldar shared a look.

“Are you positive this… ‘Caller’ is native to the deep warp?” One of the female Eldar asked.

“I don’t know, let’s give him a call and find out.” I said, pulling out my phone like some cheesy super villain.

And then my Ringer went off…

…

Uh…

Shit…

I swallowed, picking up the call and putting it on speaker. “Well aren't you one cheeky fuck.” Caller’s voice spoke through the speaker.

“I was doing a bit, I’m so sorry.” I laughed through my whine cause I am so concerned I might have screwed the pooch here…

“What… are you?” The male Eldar managed to ask.

“Little old me? A disgruntled employee.”

“Are you native to the JiorQuas’s deeper layers?”

“No, but I've worked there a time or two.”

“Then are you one of the Dyann Creagleram?” The male Eldari said.

“Isn’t their name is Athe Dann’s?” One of the women asked in confusion.,

“Uh… I don’t speak Eldari…” I said nervously.

“Oh, excuse me, we are trying to remember if the proper name is ‘Guardian of Fables’ or ‘Lord Makers.” Neoth answered. “I’ve learned… a lot about the Eldari Language…”

“No. I'm not that high on the totem pole. But I can still make noise if I wanted.” Caller said, chuckling.

“Okay, so I am completely lost.” I stated. “So, uh… it’s nice to hear from you again Caller.”

“Oh it's nothing all that special. Your little elven friends here just asking some things about me you may or may not learn more about later.”

The call ended then and there.

Well that… happened.

“Okay… so that did in fact happen.”

“It looks like you will be speaking to the leaders after all.” The male Eldar said.

“Okay, so I need to double check here, are you talking about Vect or actual Craft and Maiden World Eldar?”

“If you think Vect of all people would be fucked to talk to you, even in this situation, is some outrageous cope my guy.” Neoth stated with a roll of his eyes.

“Isn’t Vect supposed to be, like, turbo smart or something?”

“You will not be speaking to any like that…” The male said. “You'll be talking to who we know as the Ancient One… the last living Eldar who… was a soldier back in the War in Heaven.”

“How the hell is there one still alive from sixty million years ago?” I asked incredulously.

“We don't know. Only the elders and most important leaders know how he lives, the rest of us only really know of him from stories and history.”

“Okay so either he somehow figured out Immortality, or he became a Psychic Geode creature.”

“You will know soon.” They said. “Does the one who shines brightest wish to join?”

“Nah. This one's all you Sam.” Neoth said.

“The fuck man?” I frowned. “Why am I the only one going?”

“Cause you're the one who took a Deep Warp bath and woke up thirty thousand years in the future with new fangled Psyker powers. Also because I don't want to.”

“Well you better rush towards Lorgar while I’m gone… also if you blow up Colchis, it’s completely valid.”

“First you need to talk to the Eldar and set up an alliance.”

“Fine, fine.” I sighed. “Just want to get to Lorgar before Kor Pharon and the guy who stole Erebus’s identity can fuck with him…”

“Is this ‘Lorgar’ my brother?” Angron asked.

“Yep, and he is most likely in a terrible situation due to people that worship terrible beings that kidnapped and separated you and your siblings.”

“We will leave the Web Way portal open in good faith, to show you we mean no ill.” The eldar male said as he and the two women got up.

I did too, and followed them to their ship.

The inside of their ship was rather fascinating, far more sleek than human ships. The Web Way portal opened and upon traveling through, I saw a bright sky blue, and floating all within it were giant buildings and ships, some newer, some ancient, even some chunks of planets where greenery seemed to be thriving.

“Whoa…” I said in awe.

“You are one of few of your species to ever see our home here in the Web Way.” The Eldar male said. “Though, if things go well that might be changing soon.”

“I thought your ‘home’ was Commoragh?” I inquired, given that it was the Dark Eldar’s ‘home world’.

“We have renounced our Drukhari ways and… thankfully the Craftworlders here have accepted us.” The first woman admitted. “Though I’m pretty sure most was in part to Angron’s testimony and his own display of his abilities that we were trusted.”

The ship flew for what felt like a while in this large place until we reached a ship that looked so old the metal resembled that of old stone, but the shine and glow of the electricals still seemed to be working. There was something about the design that reminded me of something but once they landed two Eldar guards, giant whose bodies were purely mechanical with their souls bound to stones within the machine but I could see them. The eldar, the soul almost standing as one merged with the machine.

“This way, the Ancient One awaits.” One spoke as they both flanked me into the large vessel.

I nodded and followed along closely, hoping that whatever power I had wasn’t radiating off me and making people scared or possibly hostile towards me.

They walked me down a long hall to a courtyard where countless Eldari dead, all crystalized and standing in almost prayer were arranged in various circles around many runes built into the structure where power from whatever powered this place seemed to make them glow.

The two then stopped. “Continue forwards, to the cathedral. Once inside, you’ll meet the Ancient One.”

“I’ll… try not to cause any problems…” I said nervously as I continued forward.

I reached the cathedral doors where they opened automatically. Inside I saw rows and rows of benches, each one full of a crystalized eldar seated in either content or in prayer.

Ahead where a pillory normally would be I saw a large seat, almost a throne as seated and wired into the chair was… a Necron. The mechanical body was like others I’ve seen through media, but in their chest was a crystal heart, fully organic in look with runes carved into it as the mechanical body glowed the same blue as the outside rather than the normal Necron green.

“... Oh what the fuck…” I said slowly.

“He, hah, ha, ha.” The Necron laughed, a voice somewhere between organic and synthetic as it’s eyes lit up with the same blue as the rest of it as it moved and seemed to stretch even. “So, you’re the one? Of all the species in all the universe, I perhaps shouldn’t be surprised it was a Mon-Keigh.” They said, looking down at me. “But you call yourselves Human. Apologies. We saw and observed your species back when your kind had just left your trees and forests, observed for a time, and the name stuck from… records.”

“... So when and how did you figure this shit out?” I asked carefully. “I’m sorry if I’m… not paying attention to what your saying but…”

“The Necron had many mechanical bodies built, prototypes. Before they became metal and soulless. I just… took one, and with some of our own works…” The Ancient one said, tapping to the crystal rune covered heart in their chest. “I got to keep my soul, unlike them.”

“... You made your crystalized Body into a Soul Stone… then shoved it into the Necron body… can you even feel in that body?”

“Can the guards out there? I died before the birth of the God of Pleasure, but I knew I needed to remain amongst the living. So I did what I could. I might not be able to feel anymore, but with my soul here… I can remember. Thinking on it, I can recall tastes, sensations, smells. But enough about me. We’re here to speak about other matters. The fact you are here means much more than you can comprehend, but I will do my best to make it manageable for you.”

“Just… be weary of the Flayer Virus.” I admitted carefully. “So… what can you tell me about my sudden… happenstances of being here?”

“There are beings out there, beyond the Warp, the Deep Warp, and even the Chaos Gods and all the wonders and horrors that exist sleeping in its depths. In your tongue, they are called All Makers, but only four are known to us.”

“All Makers… oh goodie, who the fuck are they?”

“Everything begins and ends with them. Translated, they are Genie, the granter of wishes, Demon, maker of deals, Voodoo, gambler of fate, and Pain, the mother of monsters. They were told to us by our makers, who were made by them, long, long ago.”

“Oh, so the Old Ones… feck…” I muttered. “Alright, so will I be able to see them or is that a spoiler?”

“Given you did not upon your arrival, not likely.” The Ancient One shook their head. “Their return or appearance to a reality means it may or may not be deemed… disposable. We were told they pick champions, either native or not to a universe to fight for either it’s survival or downfall, but they show themselves to who they pick.”

Right… and I was just… not. Most everything is still the same as before but different from what I remember…

So Caller isn’t one of them… that’s what he meant when he said he wasn’t that high on the totem pole…

“Right, so this is all Callers doing…” I said. “Good to know Reality isn’t going to be destroyed because fuck it.”

“Caller, so that is the name of the one who sent you here… strange… not one of them, but powerful enough still to augment you, and that device on your person.”

“Caller is a Deep Warp Entity so there is that.” I admitted. “He’s a… ‘disgruntled employee’ as they call themselves so there’s that.”

“He likely isn’t native to that place.”

“Who knows at this point…” I sighed. “But what else should I know?”

“Your abilities. They’ve largely been rooted in organic life and souls, yes?”

“As far as I know, I have Soul Vision and am able to create organic life like extinct fruits and veggies so far.” I admitted.

They nodded. “That sounds correct, similar to those from before…”

Huh?

“From before? What do you mean?”

“You might be the first of your kind to draw power from the Deep Warp, but you aren’t the first one in existence to do so.”

“How in the hell is that possible? The only reason I can think of is Enuncia, but that's like… the Language of Reality isn't it?”

“Some were born that way, others were experimented on. Some, similar to you, were gifted the power through artifacts. All had similar abilities, to create organic life, and to see and hold the souls of people. You, human, have yet to fully understand the power you possess. Where others within the Warp would lose themselves to the sea of souls, you can reach into it, and pull them out.”

“That just sounds like genuine divinity to me…” I said carefully. “And… I can pull out souls ?”

“Yes. The sea of souls is a collective, but it’s still made up of countless souls all individuals, pulling a specific soul out would typically be impossible, but with your gifts to see each soul as they are… it’s a possible task.”

“Well… maybe, but I doubt it'll work cause the Afterlife and the Sea are actually mutually exclusive apparently.”

“If you learned that now, then you already know more than most ever do.”

“Is this another one of those All Makers things that circumvent these realities ‘afterlife’?”

“The Warp and all it holds is a reality like any other, just follows different laws. This one focuses on physical, while the warp is pure energy focusing on the immaterial, the warp reflects the physical, and is shaped by it. Not quite bound to one reality, branching and reaching many since the War… the price of it still felt to this day, and will be felt for eternity.”

“Not if we have anything to say about it.” I admitted.

“I’m afraid that can’t be helped or changed now. Too many souls, too much suffering, lost to time and agony… back then, the Warp was different. Calmer. Peaceful. Innocent.”

“Well, nothing is impossible as long as we try.” I admitted.

“Optimistic, but realistic is what you must be. Tell me, what can your species offer the Eldar?”

“A Second Chance.” I stated bluntly.

“Explain.”

“Your people are broken, separated, and infighting because of Slaanesh, so here we are to try and figure out a way to stop that and give you the proper afterlife you need, either by literally creating one in the Warp, or somehow learning half breeds are immune to Slaanesh horseshit cause… well GW were cowards on that bit.”

They chuckled. “The Warp would be to risky to create an afterlife for my people. More… advanced means might be considered.”

“And what ‘advanced means’ do you have in mind?”

“You seem to think is the only reality made of pure energy that touches our own, and you seem to think you can only section off an existing one to make this little artificial paradise.”

“In one version of this Reality a guy with no psychic powers did that with pure force of will.” I brought up.

“And how well did that work out for him?”

“Not entirely sure because the book series didn’t continue, but he was doing pretty fucken well with his own massive city state filled with an Army of Winged Astartes and Blanks.”

They chuckled. “Sounds like fiction to me.”

“The British aren’t really known for their proper future sight.” I chuckled.

“What about more immediate things? Long ago, some Eldar had alliances and co-existence with your ancestors before the incident that left you all stranded across the stars. I remember when adults and children alike would talk about things your people would make. What was the word…” The Ancient one muttered.

“That depends on what was made, cause Humanity made a lot of things…”

“It was something the adults and children liked a lot… you used to make so much of it too… always something either on large displays or small personal ones in various ways too… Ugh there was a few words for it your people had but it was all basically the same thing… Though some were long, some were short, some were just… weird, or meant to be funny…”

“... Entertainment?” I asked carefully.

“I think so? Long bits that told stories, short things that anyone would upload to your Internet that just ranged from topics of everything. There was this one I remember watching and liking a lot… what was that name… something… universe?”

I facepalmed. The Eldar Race are media junkies…

Actually… that makes sense. Humanity makes countless everything to keep ourselves entertained and a long as fuck lived race as the Eldar must be starved for entertainment…

That’s mostly Trayzn the Infinite’s whole thing…

“Right, I figured it out… and sadly, unless there’s some planets that held onto a lot of the info…a lot of Humanities Media has been lost, and the only one that might have enough of it that wasn’t saved in some capacity by my friend Neoth is Trazyn and his planet sized Meuseum…”

“Well, I’m sure you can find something. If not, maybe recreate it in some way. Other than that, there is one other thing I can think of that would spark many Eldar to join.”

“I mean, besides walking Angron through Commoragh and watch as the Drukhari start to worship him like a god?”

“Planets.” He said, making me pause. “Two of them, in your home solar system. I know the one who shines brightest can make them. If he does, and gives them to us, then I can ensure the Eldar’s full cooperation and alliance.”

… Neoth can do a lot but… make a whole planet… two of them?!

“How the hell can he make two planets !?”

“Your ally is far more than even he is aware of. Beings like him don’t just come into existence and do so little. He’s had the power to rule this galaxy ten times over, but he is held back purely by his morals and his despair. Being born to humanity was a blessing in that, otherwise, your species would have taken a far, far different course had he never held back.”

“Bullshit, he would have become a golden plated asshole if I didn’t show up in this timeline.” I admitted. “But his… Immortality… yeah that’s a bit rough…”

“And that’s where you’re still thinking in terms of fantasy… you keep seeing what makes him similar to those that you know of, not what makes him unique, nor yourself.” The Ancient One chuckled, a Web-Way portal opening behind me. “The terms are set. Now let he who shines brightest show the Eldar and his own species what he is truly made of, and who he really is.”

“Well… let’s hope for the best then, cause Neoth is… he’s Neoth.” I managed.

—

“... Hmm…” Neoth hummed as he looked down at me after I recapped my talk with the Ancient One and their terms. “While I’m good in terms of giving them planets… he wants me to make them two ala Titan A.E?!”

“Apparently? Also that’s one of those show’s I didn’t watch my guy.”

“How the fuck? Know what, not important we can find an Archive somewhere later that has it in there.” He sighed, rubbing his temples. “I… technically can. A planet is basically just a crap ton of space dust and ice, and heating up the cores to produce a magnetic field around them wouldn’t be impossible… be a fucking pain in the ass though…”

“The fact that you can just say that casually is… kind of annoying…”

“I’ve only done shit like this in small controlled tests, not a whole ass field test!”

“The Ancient One said you’re selling yourself short here my guy.”

“So?! He’s old, he might have… Elf Alzheimer's or some shit!” 

“He is literally a rock shoved in a Necron’s body, I doubt that works on him.” I admitted.

“Soulzheimers!”

“That genuinely sounds stupid!”

“So was your crush on Adam Sandler what’s your point?!”

“Fuck off it was a phase!”

“Is this normal?” Angron asked.

“Very.” Alpharius nodded. 

“Father and uncle are… off.” Horus added.

“You don’t know the half of it…” Alpharius sighed.

“I heard that!” I stated. “But anyways, you have to make two whole ass planets and we need to figure out how to give the space elves their media fix again, cause sadly Youtube or Netflix doesn’t exist anymore and they’re getting antsy.”

“Fucking hell I forgot how addicted the Eldar used to be to media…” Neoth muttered. Then sighed. “Fine… I’ll try on one condition.”

“And what’s the condition?”

He grinned, a wave of his hand as fabric unfolded out- Oh my god no! “You wear this for a week.”

“Fuck off!” I shouted. “I am not wearing that!”

“Wear the frilly cat maid outfit and I’ll not only make these planets I’ll find the Felinids!”

“They probably look like they came from the Cats Movie though…” I grumbled, though I did wonder if in this timeline they looked more like Anthro Cats and not… whatever those abominations were in that god forsaken movie.

“Egh, you had to remind me of that shit show.” He rolled his eyes, pulling up a data tablet and- That’s the Felinids! They’re adorable!

“... Okay you win this time you obtuse hemmorage…”

I snatched the outfit from him and huffed as I went to put it on. Fucking hell, I hate frilly clothes! I’ve worn comfier fursuits than anything with frills…

“Fucking… I hate frilly shit…” I grumbled, putting on the damn thing as-

I immediately ran out after I got dressed to understand what the fuck that feeling was, and as I rushed outside I saw… that… that’s Neoth? His entire body was glowing with such raw power that… it didn’t feel like Warp Energy, it didn’t feel like Psychic Power… it… felt genuinely Divine as I watched him, hearing a language that… that shouldn’t be possible as his eyes were pure gold as he raised his hands up. How the hell is he standing in the vacuum of space?!

I felt the ground shake, I felt the air quake… everything was shaking as I looked up, seeing two massive vortex’s in… in space as it was very swiftly forming into the Ovoid shapes of actual Planets ! “What the fuck…?” I asked in absolute awe, seeing the two planets forming in real time, something that took millions of years to cause is now… being done in minutes …

I watched the red hot planets turn cooler, water flow and rain, clouds form and green form. They even have moons!

Holy crap…

Neoth then appeared next to the ship, phasing through the glass. “... Well I’m not doing that again.” He said, then collapsed onto the ground.

“Dude, you made two fucking planets !”

“And I feel like I got hit by a fucking train… and considering I have, several times, I’d still prefer the trains!” He groaned from the floor.

“How the fuck did you manage that!?”

“Well the first time I had headphones in.”

“Not you getting hit by trains assface, how did you manage to make those fucking planets!? You shouldn’t be that strong…”

“I used Warp energy to pinpoint small localized high gravity areas then pulled in spare space dust, asteroids and comets towards them, then used the psychic abilities to force cool the surface, keeping the cores nice and hot for that magnetic fields, accelerated the atmosphere forming, letting water form and finally grew plants fucking everywhere as well as animals and fish. Pfft, and God supposedly needed seven whole ass days…”

“Either way, that was… amazing my guy…”

“Thanks… now remember… a whole week.” He said, managing to raise his hands enough to tousle the frilly maid skirt. “Heh… your anger at the frills makes this worth it…”

“Fuck you…” I sighed.

“No thanks, you’re way too much like a brother to me.” He managed, chuckling more before immediately falling asleep.

I rolled my eyes, but smirked.

His differences… What makes him unique huh?

… Maybe he wouldn’t have been an asshole… but he’s still a fucking idiot…

To be continued...

Chapter Text

3 Years Later

Even with the new Webway access, some corners of the galaxy were hard to reach. Colchis was sadly such a place. The Web Way, while massive, was not as massively spread out as I’d hoped. In order to enter and exit near a planet you have to find the relative space it would be in the Web Way which was the tricky part. Thankfully as time passed I was helping using the special machine and phone thing Neoth made to attach to my phone to see how close or far a Primarch was from us.

Most of the existing ‘Docks’ as the Eldar referred to them as that lead in and out of the web way normally existed on or near Eldar territories and Paradise Planets.

I learned that part of why they don’t settle on them is simply because they don’t want to destroy something so beautiful.

I couldn’t argue.

Still, finally we were near Colchis, just a few more days sailing through space and we’ll be seeing the planet in full.

“Let’s just hope Kor Phaeron and that bastard that stole Erebus’s name didn’t completely fuck things up.” I sighed.

“Who?” Neoth asked.

“Kor Phaeron is a jackass Chaos Cultist that got kicked out of the ‘Safe For Work’ version of the Chaos God Religion, and the guy who stole Erebus’s name, well Erebus was actually a great guy, loved by all, then some dickback murdered him and stole his name because it would be funny.”

“... How?”

“Because.”

“That didn’t answer shit.”

“First, it’s GW, they barely explain shit.” I said. “And two, I think it was stated that ‘Erebus’ was a precog that has to try turbo hard to make sure his bullshit works.”

“Well, either way. We’re able to establish some Psychic link to Lorger at this distance without much effort.”

“Awesome… but be wary, this is a Chaos Cult world after all.”

“If Lorgar is doing as he was made to, then it might not be too much of an issue.” Neoth said. “Huh… Fascinating…”

“What up?” I inquired.

“I can sense from here that Lorgar is… uncomfortable. Not distressed or in pain, just… uncomfortable…”

“I’m not surprised all things considered.” I said, taking a deep breath and trying to also connect psychically to the poor guy.

It wasn’t the same when I did this… But I could get… wants, or desires from a person rather than emotions.

… Lorgar wants… He wants to study and read and pray…

Can he not?

“Um… okay that’s strange.” I frowned. “I can tell he wants to study, read, pray and stuff like that but… he’s not allowed to?”

“I had a feeling… Lorgar is made to be the bridge between Imperial Truth and Traditions and religions. A middle ground where the two can meet through him and his legion. Given his body and what you said live would have normally been like for him on Colchis, I figured there were two likely outcomes. Something similar if not worse than his expected life, or, the people seeing him, a child like him fall from the sky… They’d see him as a god too.”

“... Uh oh.” I said nervously.

“If he is being worshiped like a god then it makes sense he’d be uncomfortable, given his soul and his purpose, he is meant to study religion and worship all kinds, not be the symbol of one.”

“Right… so have fun taking his spot.” I said sheepishly.

“Oh fuck off.” Neoth huffed.

“What do you want me to do? The moment Lorgar bullrushes and hugs you claiming ‘dad’, everyone’s going to immediately think you're the God.”

“I will proclaim the faith of the holy Twink.” He motioned to me. “Maker of nature from nothing, seer of souls, and he who fucks anything a six or more.”

“Don’t you fucking dare.” I growled.

“Try me bitch.”

“I can’t cause I don’t know what my powers will do half the time.” I huffed, wanting to smack him but psychic abilities are a bit weird sometimes.

“Well either way… This is gonna be a whole thing…” He sighed. “Either way expect to be considered a god cause if I gotta suffer through it so do you.”

“It still sucks…” I sighed. “But hey, this is different, cause at least this time around Lorgar didn’t take over the planet thinking you were the One True God… he’s just growing up confused and bored…”

“Like every teenager in your youth.”

“Maybe.”

“I’ll grab the My Chemical Romance and Three Days Grace Playlists.”

“Don’t go that edgy you bitch.” I huffed. “He’s a Choir boy, not Green Day central, fuck.”

“But it’ll be funny.” Neoth whined.

“You’re correct but still, better to make a good first impression to the kid.”

“Hmm…” Neoth hummed, and I know that look… he’s thinking about it… That’s 50-50 that he’s gonna pull some BS…

“You better not be thinking of stupid shit.”

“Define stupid?”

I gave him a deadpan look as an answer.

He just chuckled. “That aside, anything else we should look out for in terms of picking up Lorgar?”

“Any people that might try to attack us because we ‘aren’t the chosen ones of the Great Four’.” I admitted. “But besides that, it should be okay? Hopefully.”

—

“Called it.” Neoth said as Lorgar was giving the both of us a bow. And immediately everyone else around us was on their hands and knees.

I sighed. “Nephew, please, stop it.”

“No.” Lorgar said simply.

“Lorgar, please.” I groaned. “We aren’t ‘gods’, I’m a nerd and your dad’s an idiot.” I said, trying to stop this ‘worship’ stuff cause it feels genuinely weird…

“Then why have I seen you two in my dreams, acting in the way divinity does?”

“Because you’re a Psyker, and because that’s kind of what high level psykers can do.” I answered, which is technically true cause Psychic powers in this reality is kinda horseshit sometimes.

“Ah yes, future vision sights. Spoilers for those who have it.” Neoth sighed. “Well this is gonna be fun. But please, Lorgar, stand.” Neoth added, helping his son to his feet. Lorgar’s full form looked like something ripped right out of multiple biblical tales. Their horns had grown into a mix of horns and split at they went up and inwards, forming an almost halo of white bone. Their wings, feathered and leathery, looked well maintained, healthy. I could even feel his soul, that biblically accurate angel I remember seeing back then was remolded and field the body but didn’t seem harmed or unhealthy. “There is… a lot to talk about.”

“A lot to talk about, but first, did you meet two people by the names of Kor Phaeron and Erebus?” I asked carefully.

“I met an Erebus but his soul felt… wrong, and the guards took him to the dungeon when I mentioned it.”

“Well, that is good because that guy stole Erebus’s name after murdering him.” I stated.

“Huh… No wonder he felt off then…” Lorgar muttered.

“You could sense they weren’t who they said?” Neoth asked.

“I could sense something was… not right with them. There are many here that are similar, but some, the more violent are worse than others… It’s how I got to… all this.” He motioned around. “I gave a prayer for one of them. Then they began to get sweaty, looked sickly, coughed up some kind of blood or bile… and what was wrong with them seemed to be gone.”

Did… Lorgar can exercise Chaos Corruption?!

“... I’m gonna need you to do that again…” I said carefully. “Is there anyone in here with an ‘unsettling soul’?”

“Uh…” Lorgar said as he looked around. “That one down there.” He pointed.

The guards got up and literally jumped on them so fast I held back the laugh as they launched on him and pulled him up to us.

Lorgar then put his hands together.

I felt a rush. An almost… soothing in the air, kind of like Angron and his Empath abilities but deeper.

The man sputtered, sweating instantly as his clothes became soaked as he began to cough. He looked more like he was in withdrawal before suddenly he spat out a vile looking lob of blood and blackness into the dirt before collapsing with heaving breaths.

“Gross.” Neoth said, already with a container and sealing the lob inside of it.

“It is not a pleasant or pretty process, but it works. Those who have undergone it feel lighter. They feel things they say they haven’t felt properly or at all in years, some even seem to recover from illnesses that plagued them prior.” Lorgar explained as Neoth looked the lob over in the jar.

“Well… your power is of Purification.” I said. “No wonder why everyone is praying to you…”

“Makes sense. Historically, angels are beings of order and all that, so naturally it would oppose Chaos… In the less optimal outcome, this place allowed Chaos to corrupt them. But with their new body, their soul was able to properly manifest its natural abilities.” Neoth said. “And this is indeed Chaos Energy, in a physical form too. I’ve never gotten to research it like this before…”

“Well that is… quite definitely something.” I said honestly.

“So… Do you two want a tour or?” Lorgar asked.

“That would be nice, thank you.” I nodded.

The tour of Colchis was fairly brief. Helped with the Thunder Hawks as we went around.

I have to admit, despite being run by tame Chaos Religions, the planet is rather… at ease.

“And down that way is the Forbidden Lands.” Lorgar said, motioning towards the large building that most likely was a miniature hive city.

“And it’s forbidden, why?” I inquired.

“It’s where the more… extreme flocks live. They were… a threat to people, so some years ago after I became the… pseudo leader, they were all gathered and placed there.”

“Good, now we know where we can either do Mass Purification, or do some basic tactics of preemptive orbital bombardments.”

“For someone who’s never killed you sure are quick on the murder option.” Neoth said.

“Because it’s going to sadly have to be an option once the Necron’s get involved.” I admitted.

“And then finally Alpharius can scream Clanker with a hard R just like you taught them.” Neoth chuckled.

“We’ll show them competitive racism.” I joked. “But it’s gonna be a pain in the ass when some others awaken, I know Trazyn is around and Szareck might have met Sanguinious already so… gonna be a bit of a bitch…”

“Well you’d know how to turn a pain in the ass into a good time so I’m sure you can handle it.” Neoth said with a chuckle.

“I will murder you one of these days asshole.”

“Many have tried.”

I sighed and rubbed my temples. “Right, so we got some fixing on this desert planet…”

“I could try to fix them, but I’ve never used my abilities on people this… far gone.” Lorgar stated.

“You’ll never know unless you try.”

“I’ll bring some Custodians and the boys. Better safe than sorry… after all, we don’t know how far the people in there are in the… darker side of those four…”

“Let’s hope for the best then.”

We returned back to the main city where Neoth called in his Custodians and where Lorgar would finally meet his brothers.

Hope the others are doing okay…

I sighed, scratching my head. “Well, at least thing’s aren’t going sideways yet… but there are still enemies out there that would want us dead… then there’s the fucking Cabal… wait… oh fuck I forgot!” I mentally groaned and facepalmed.

“Something wrong?” Neoth asked.

“... The Cabal.” I groaned. “I forgot about them… and need to figure out what the hell they’re going to do now that I’m in the picture…”

“Depends on what they see you as. Threat, asset, some random jackass who popped in and is messing up their grand plans.” Neoth shrugged. “I’m not too worried about all that at the moment.”

“There are thousands of intelligent alien races, along with humans, that use futuresight to figure out a way to kill Chaos.” I stated. “But… maybe it can be put on the back burner at the moment, there’s already enough horseshit to think about…”

“Part of why I love being a dumbass. It throws Future Sight shit out the window. Psychic powers can’t predict stupid.” He chuckled.

“Kind of can but eh.” I sighed. “Still a lot to think about.”

“You think way too much.”

“Someone has to given you won’t.” I stated.

“Thinking is for nerds, been there, done that, gave me way too much anxiety…”

“You give me too much anxiety.”

“Oh man, you should try some Super Weed.”

“Does it still smell like skunk?” I asked.

“No, actually it smells a bit like lemon meringue pie.”

“I don’t entirely believe that, but neat.”

“It’s true. It’s not even from earth, came from a paradise planet full of only plants, no animals, just bee-like insects that made sugar crystals rather than honey.”

“Well that is rather interesting.”

“Yeah. Nice place. Should still be around, was one of few paradise planets not claimed by the Eldari so they made it a national park. Actually it should still be around thinking about it…”

“Well then we should probably visit there if it’s on the way.” I admitted. “But after this, have Lorgar meet the others and rush to the next one…”

“You’re really trying to speed run this aren’t you?” 

I sighed. “Just… don’t want bad or worse things to happen.”

“Well, are there any others that you know of who would have had it bad? So far the only one who suffered was Horus, but he seems to have corrected that himself… He’s doing much better now thankfully.”

“Thankfully, but still… just worried for the kids.”

“Fair. Then there’s the two we have no idea where they are or how they’re doing…”

“Yeah that’s… that’s gonna be a problem.” I said carefully.

“Think they’re doing alright?”

“Hopefully.” I sighed. “While I really hope things are going well for them… who knows what might have changed with these decisions.”

“Would you prefer the alternative?”

“No, cause that shit was bad.”

“The unknown is always concerning, but sometimes it’s better than the known alternatives. Much as things could have been they’re all already far better.” Neoth sighed. “Can’t change on a what if, just hope you can prevent the worst ones.”

“Yeah, and so far we’ve basically changed it in its entirety.”

“Yup.” Neoth nodded.

—

3 Years Later

Lorgar began to settle into his life with his dad, brothers and I fairly well. Neoth gave him various copies of religious texts, both physical and digital, since it seems for some, those are the only copies left after everything.

He also named his legion Faiths Guidance, rather than the Word Bearers they were before.

Horus kept the Lunar Wolves name.

Alpharius also kept it as the Alpha Legion.

And Angron named his to the Honor Shields. Has a nicer ring to it than World Eaters.

“Also War Hounds but eh.” I thought. “Alright, so next planet we’re heading to is… Barbarus…” I muttered.

“We’re expecting a battle.” Neoth said as he was polishing a bolter. “Angron says he can feel that the closer we get, the worse he feels. Meaning a lot of people are hurting there.”

“If memory serves, this is a world corrupted by Nurgle.” I admitted. “So it would make sense…”

“... Do you think you can handle it? We’ve avoided major conflicts so far, but this time I don’t think we can…”

I sighed. “I don’t know.” I admitted. “I wanted to fix this without fighting, given that the vast majority of problems this place had was because no one fucking talked first instead of shoving bolter shells into a person until they were more ground meat then anything.”

“You don’t have to join us there… if things start getting violent and I believe they will, I’d rather you not be there.”

“I’m going to have to face the truth sooner or later.” I admitted. “We’ve been lucky so far, especially with how we’ve been completely ignoring the ‘unifying humanity’ part of all this, but… that won’t be the case forever.”

“We’ve been doing that. You’re just focusing on the Primarchs. Malcador and I have been coordinating the unification.”

“Well, hopefully it’s been going smoothly, with human and xeno races.”

“Ups and downs. Most of humanity has their own leaders that we come across. Some are more… cooperative than others. The Eldar have been helpful in aiding in alliances with others races.”

“That’s good.” I nodded. “At least other things are going smoothly.”

“More or less.” He shrugged. “... I’ll have Alpharius acting as your guard, if you’re not going to stay back.”

“Well, I’m gonna need some armor and a weapon at least.” I admitted. “May not be good with swords but I do know how to shoot a gun.’

Neoth sighed again. “I can get some of the usual Imperial Trooper armor sized for you, and a weapon.”

“Better than nothing.” I admitted, getting up and stretching. “And hey, I can finally test out my psychic powers in combat.”

“Assuming they have combat capabilities.”

“You never know.”

“Still, don’t go looking for the fight… I don’t want you dying after all this time…”

“I’m tougher than I look.” I said, trying to make light of this but still… “This is probably gonna be a one and done to be honest…”

“That’s not how battles work, and if this gets as bad as I worry about… it will become a fully fledged war. Even with the Primarchs we have, the Astartes numbers are still small, even with the new Ascension Method. There’s only about three thousand in total in all the Legions so far.”

“I meant for me.” I corrected. “And I find it weird how, in other versions, you had at minimum ten thousand for each legion, up to two hundred and fifty thousand, but here you’re struggling to even get half way there.”

“This process takes longer, and those versions of you, the ones you keep comparing me too, despite trying to unify humanity, value human life less than that of the dust under our shoes. Bedies, they have more time, we’ve jumped that. Even if we were to ask the Eldari for some assistance, I’d rather they not risk their people’s lives for our own conflicts.”

Right… We’ve skipped so much time I forgot that it’s only been eleven years… At this point… They’d still be looking for Leman Russ.

“I understand.” I nodded. “Just comparing the differences and realising how drastic it is sometimes.”

“You do that a lot… but regardless there’s one constant… the battles will be… terrible.” He muttered. “You’ve never experienced wars… I have. No matter the era or technology, there are similar constants… So please, do not fight. Let Alpharius protect you. Especially if the worst is realized.”

I nodded. “I know… I know…”

—

Barbarus was bad. The poisoned air across most of the planet was only manageable with filtration masks, which I was given.

We landed near a city that rested up on a tall mountain where it was above the poison.

I could see strange plants, plants that looked like something that thrived in the deserts, like old cacti that’s skin turned to bark. They stood tall around the city and the air seemed to… clear, near them.

What is this nagging itch in the back of my head?

“Something doesn’t feel right here.” I frowned.

“Keep steady uncle.” Alpharius said, towering behind me. “What do you make of the plants, father?” 

Neoth looked over the plants, his helmet was like an eagle but with a human skull merged in and, of course, all golden. “These are definitely Mortarion’s work… They’re filtering the poison from the air…” He said, breaking a small piece off and saw the dark liquid inside it. “Seems it turns the poison from the air into an internal toxin. Clever.”

“So like some self made defense mechanism? Whenever someone, or something, tries to break it the toxins will hurt the one attacking?”

“I imagine it was how he figured they could contain it as they grow. Rather than expelling it back into the air, they store it within themselves.” Neoth stated. “How very Nausicaä of the valley of the wind.” He chuckled.

“Holy crap, Mortarian is a Ghibli fan.” I chuckled.

“I might have put a few of those into his Guiding Hand for entertainment.” Neoth chuckled. “Actually it doesn’t technically count as one of those, but it was directed by Hayao Miyazaki.”

“It was a year off.” I waved my hand. “But good to know either way.’

We walked into the city itself. There were people. Most wore either thick cloth or makeshift gas masks. Smaller versions of those plants were all over here, in small pots and we even saw something… incredible. This plant was basically a cactus, a barrel one, but it was huge, easily twenty feet all around as the flower atop it rose high up, and from it poured clean water where people were filling containers from the fountain built around it.

I can… feel this one… Roots that suck water, clean and pure deep from in the mountain to the top. It drinks little, as a cactus only needs little water, and the rest is for the people.

Neoth took his helmet off, walking up to it as he used how psychic powers to lift a small bubble of it to his mouth, tasting it. “Hmm… Mixed with minerals from the soil, healthy minerals and some antioxidants the cactus provides. Looks like Mortarion loved those plant biology texts I included for them.”

“He’s been trying to purify the planet ever since he got here…” I said.

“We’re seeing his work… now where is he?” Alpharius asked.

“Either he’s somewhere around here… or he’s up there.” I said, pointing to the largest mountain. “Cause that would be where his adoptive ‘father’ would be, teaching him warfare and combat and… possibly this.” I motioned to the plants. “And where Mortarion ultimately wants to murder the guy.”

“Guess we’re about to find out.” Neoth said as we made our way through and up the pathways to the mountain.

“Really wish I could… try to mentally talk to Mortarian, but this place feels… bad …”

The telepathic aspects of Psyker powers have been elusive to me. While my phone thing works it A, only seems to apply to people with a form of Psykic abilities and B, I have to meet them in person first…

I sighed all the same. “Really wish I understood my powers more…”

“No one alive can really teach you how your powers work uncle.” Alpharius said to me as we walked.

“I mean, John Warhammer over there probably could.”

“Your powers differ. What could father teach you?”

“I don’t know, how to throw a fireball or shoot lightning from my hands at least? At least something.”

“D&D and Star Wars are not good references for your abilities…”

“Psychic lightning is probably a rather common thing psykers can do.” I pointed out.

“Do you know of any?”

“I know ten psykers.” I answered. “Seven of them can.”

“Then ask them.”

“Later, cause… right now, Neoth doesn’t really want me to fight here.”

“I can understand. You are rather fragile.”

“It’s not my fault I’m not an augmented super soldier…” I grumbled. “But let’s just hope for the best here, the sooner we find Mortarian and, hopefully, cure this planet the better.”

“Given the nature of your powers, perhaps you and Mortarian could amplify each other and speed it up?”

“Maybe, it will definitely help speed things along to be honest if we can.”

We began walking up towards the castle when, through the gas mask I smelled something putrid. It was like standing in a Florida swamp with a sewage spill in peak summer heat mixed with…

“Arm your bolters.” Neoth said, and all the soldiers here did.

“God it smells like New York in Florida…” I groaned at how bad it smelled.

“Stand back uncle.” Alpharius said, taking a step forwards. “There is something waiting for us…”

The ground seemed to shake. I felt something off in the distance deepen as the stench intensified. From the doors of the giant castle burst open a behemoth of fat rolls, dark skin that was from who knows how many years of unwashed living. Large almost tree like antlers as layers of fat on it acted as armor. It had a large toothy maw and, a single black eye and a large sword, chipped and rusted but still terrible.

“Greater Deamon!” Neoth yelled as the Custodians and Alpharius opened fire, various lesser demons spawning out from behind them.

“Oh why the fuck is a Great Unclean One doing here!?” I yelped in panic, backing away real quick.

“Apollo, take Sam out of here!” Neoth ordered and before I knew it was was being carried by the Custodian’s arm back down to the village.

“This doesn’t make any sense! How the hell did the overlords get a fucking Greater Daemon of Nurgle here!?” I asked in panic, now worried sick for Mortarian’s safety.

“I do not know, but whatever the case you are not suited for this battle.” Apollo said as we were already halfway back down the mountain with his speed. He stopped, armored feet digging into the ground. “Crap.” He hissed as I saw below the hill, outside the range of the village and the plants were a small hoard of lesser Nurgle Daemons.

“Fuck…” I said carefully. “We need to help the villagers.”

“Stay here.” He said, putting me down. “I can fight and deter their attention. Once the coast is clear, make it to the village and get as many as you can in a secure location.”

“I'll do my best.” I nodded, really hating how I can't do much to actually help deal with these bastards but I'll at least be doing something.

Apollo rushed down, shooting and hacking at the lesser deamons with ease and almost brutal grace.

Once most of them were dead and he got the rest to follow him away, I ran down the hill the rest of the way and into the village.

“Everyone!” I called out. “ You need to evacuate quickly!” I shouted, hoping they spoke the same language or my innate psionic abilities did translations for me.

It was shabby, but we were getting everyone into a secure area, the only one around being a large barn of sorts. I was rushing through making sure no one was left behind before I heard the crying.

I rushed into a building where I saw a child hunched over against the wall sobbing.

“It's alright, it's alright.” I said, rushing up to the kids' side to help them. “We’ll get you to your family, I promise.”

SHRIK!

I felt the coldness of the knife, before I felt the pain. Or the warmth of my blood. The child’s face was partly rotten. Teeth exposed as lips and cheeks were rotten and oozing decay with small worms tunneling through the flesh. Long dead eyes looking up at mine.

“Grandfather wants to talk to you.” They said, in such a pure voice.

I managed to grip my neck, feeling the knife still in there before the child pulled it out, and I began to choke on my blood.

It was painful.

It hurt.

It was… cold…

…

…

…

I could hear… an ocean?

I sat up, looking around me as I saw it was dark, but I was sitting on a landmass, some rock or small island and before me was a sea of pitch black with many faintly glowing fish and plants, some sinking into the dark, others floating near the top or at it.

The sea bubbled and from it emerged… a silhouette. They looked humanoid but something was… off. Some parts, like the head didn’t really look human in shape.

“You must be Sam.” The silhouette spoke, something between a young and old man, a voice full of kindness and warmth. Like listening to a respected elder speak.

“And who the hell are you?”

“I’ve had many names. But most simply call me, Grandfather.”

… Nurgle…

“And just like my grandfather, you treat me like garbage and say it's ‘love’.” I stated.

“We needed to speak, and this was simplest.” The god of plagues spoke, sitting down on a chair that seemed to form from the water of the black sea around them. “Interesting take, your mind has shaped the Warp around us into something your consciousness could process. The island is in particular something that brings me back to… simpler times.”

“And there's not a single reason I should believe you after you got me fucking murdered.” I stated bluntly.

“You don’t have to believe me if you don’t want to. Besides, you won’t be dead for long. Mortals like you don’t stay dead long.”

“No, Mortals tend to either get their souls devoured by you, Khorne, Tzeentch or Slaanesh, or they go to the actual Afterlife bypassing your bullshit.”

“If that’s all you think there is then you know less than I expected of one of your… travels .” Nurgle chuckled. “You must not remember it then.”

“Apparently there was something to not remember or miss.”

“Either way, you’ve changed much of your universe. Seeing something different is always entertaining for us.”

“Until you grow bored and continue your school yard bullshit that’s been killing billions.”

“And your friend hasn’t? Besides… our kill count is far less than you’d think.”

I gave him a deadpanned look. “So, what did you want to talk about?”

“Mainly, I was curious. What are your goals, Sam?”

“Stopping you, the other Chaos Gods, and preventing this entire galaxy from becoming a mindless bout of endless war and bloodshed because the british really wanted to make fun of Margaret Thatcher.” I said, still finding that bit of mystical spite super funny.

“Is that all? I’m disappointed.”

“Says the one that thinks ‘parental affection’ equals shoving six different plagues into a person and hearing them scream in pain.”

“Speaking of, that’s what I’m curious about for you… How much do you value family?”

“And why do you ask?” I asked carefully.

“Personal reasons. You say I don’t really care about my family, but you… All your family long since passed, so far gone even their genetics are lost in the spiraling helixes of human DNA. But I remember them, unlike time or even the mortal memories. I can recall their names, their life stories, their hardships, their joys. Would you like me to demonstrate?”

“Well, technically Malcador has my family genetics given what Neoth showed me.” I admitted. “... But go right ahead if you want, not like I can stop you.” I said, even if I was accepted by the Deep Warp, I still knew practically nothing of what my powers could do.

“Sam Manzo, born August 3rd, 1999. Your father was Jacob Manzo and your mother is Kelly Manzo, maiden name Gomez. Your sisters are Vira, Jessica and Hana. Vira threw up at the news when you were pronounced dead and the police stopped searching. Jessica cried for weeks, hugging the plushie of Torchic you bought her when you got your first paycheck. Hana cut herself, often for years before Neoth managed to get her help, talked with her and your family to keep her alive. Vira had three sons, Sam, the eldest she named after you, Josh and Drake. In your own words she was a nerd and loved that old show. Vira had one child with her husband, a girl she named Abby, and Hanna never had children but fostered many kids, kids your grandparents would beat with a metal cane like they did you.”

“Of course those crotchety old assholes would…” I sighed bitterly.

“Your parents died within five years of your vanishing. Mother from a broken heart, and father from a heart attack. They loved you dearly.”

“Well… probably would have heard of that the next time I called them…” I managed, still feeling like shit because of my lost family.

“Which begs the main question I’ve wanted to ask you.” Nurgle said, as I looked that inhuman silhouette’s head in where I assume the eyes would be. “How will you protect this new family you find yourself with? Your Primarch Nephews and niece. Your good friend. And those you’ve yet to meet.”

“I’m going to learn how to use my powers properly, and get strong enough to protect them.” I stated. “Because I have obtained abilities from beings that all of you are afraid of.”

“Fear… maybe… The All Makers are one thing, the Deep Warp another. If you really want to help your new family, then may I offer a suggestion?”

“And… what would that be?” I asked carefully, needing to take this ‘suggestion’ with an ocean of salt.

“The island behind you… You’ll find an old book when you reach the center. Made of primitive paper, string and soft bark as the covers. Take it. It will serve you well. Served me well long ago.”

“Right… a book that totally won’t cause corruption and massive problems…” I frowned.

“You don’t have to, but one family man to another, it will help. After all, I wasn’t always the God of Plague.” He said, sinking into the sea.

With them gone, I got up, dusting my legs off. I turned, giving a look into the island. Seeing plants that even in this dark place looked… fantastical. 

“Something is still very wrong here…” I thought carefully, continuing through the strange foliage to find this mystery book.

Why am I listening to a Chaos God? Well, not exactly known for making good life choices…

I stumbled upon a campsite of sorts. Four simple tents were made from plants and home made strings. A large fireplace sat cold and empty save old ashes. A pond nearby where water flowed from a few boulders. Simple homemade furniture, tables and chairs.

These tents… these aren’t big enough for an adult… they look big enough for kids…

I looked inside the oldest looking one. In here I saw a makeshift bedding, wooden bowls where dead bugs lay in, and against the tent’s back wall was the book. Just as Nurgle said. Soft brown bark made up the covers, the pages looked like old primitive papers, and the spine was held together with simple strings. There was just four small handprints on it, three surrounding the middle, largest one.

“Well this doesn’t… make much sense…” I frowned, cause this place feels like it was supposed to be lived in, which doesn’t make much sense given, even in the days of the Sea of Souls, Time doesn’t Exist so there shouldn’t be this kind of crap here… “Hmm…” I hummed as I walked over and went to take the book and look through it.

I flipped open to the first page. A feather that didn’t look like any I’d seen before, and ended in some kind of claw was there. Is this… a quill? I looked at the pages, seeing them blank.

I looked at the primitive and crude quill before wondering…

“... Did these ‘All Makers’ have something to do with this?” I thought, cause first was Caller, mentioning about ‘his bosses’ which are above even him, and also how it connected to Nurgle saying that name like they were people. “Something isn’t right… this looks like they were actually people, when they are supposed to be beings that always have and never existed cause Sea of Souls and Warp is bullshit…”

This doesn’t make any sense…

I looked the book and quill over again. This time I wrote in it. A simple ‘Hello’.

The words then faded, and were replaced by new ones.

Who is this? How are you… in my head?

“What sorta fucken Voldamort esc bullshit…” I muttered, now super confused as I wrote ‘What do you mean?’

My words and the prior ones vanished, and now there was a new sentence.

What do I? You’re in my head, you tell me! I’m rather busy at the moment. Who are you?

I sighed and wrote down. ‘My name is Sam, and I’m… writing these messages to you, I don’t know what your ‘head’ is and sorry for bothering you while you’re busy.’

Sam… Like, from the Guiding Hand?

‘Yes? Who are you if I may ask?’

Mortarion.

‘Hello Mortarian, I am your Uncle Sam… where are you?’

Enscondle, a small mountain village to the south. I’m the only one who can safely travel through the poison of the planet I’ve called him, so I walk them to find people and give them some means to ease the breathing, even clean water.

This book… It’s like my phone but… I can communicate with people I haven’t met personally already.

‘Well, I am happy to say that your father, myself, and many others are here to help you out… just kinda sorta in the middle of your father fighting giant monsters and me being kinda sorta dead.’

You mean the poisoned beings? They started appearing in the thickest of the smogs a few years back.

‘Those are demons, creations of a being known as Nurgle, his entire being is Plagues, Diseases, Rot and Decay and is highly dangerous.’

If they are where you are… where are you?

‘I’m currently in a… pocket reality, after Nurgle had a corrupted child stab me in the neck.’

Where is father then?

‘Currently on the planet near a mountain I believe is Necare’s, fighting a Great Unclean One, a Greater Daemon of the Poisonous One you mentioned.’

Necare? He’s dead. Has been for almost four years now.

“How, why, and who?” I said and wrote.

Scythe, he tried to keep me from helping the planet, and me.

“Well, good job then nephew.” I wrote down. “And by the way, great work with the plants, having them all absorb the poisons for nutrients was incredible.”

I based it off some earth plants that were in the guiding hand… and a movie that was in there too. I’ll make my way to that village you’re all at fast as I can.

I sighed, closing the book. A notebook that let’s the writer telepathically communicate with family?

… Wonder why Nurgle has… Wait, he said before leaving that he wasn’t always the god of plagues…

… How?

“That makes absolutely no sense on how Nurgle wasn't always the God of Plagues when he literally is that as a concept.” I thought with a frown.

But… this book, and all this around me… Something isn’t adding up… Think… Neoth mentioned something about the Warp and Deep Warp with that map… That the ‘roots’ that make up the deep warp after a point went wild, likely the War in Heaven…

…

The War in Heaven…

“But… wait, The War is what corrupted the Sea, turned it into the Warp, Time doesn't fucking exist so how!?” I thought incredulously, trying to wrack my brain on how any of this shit makes sense. “Fuck you Schrodinger and your wobbly wibbly bullshit!”

I’ll need to learn more… I’m missing crucial information here-

—

All at once I felt pain as I sat up, coughing up blood. Where- What? I rubbed my eyes, seeing I was… in the… house…

I felt my neck. Dry blood met my hands but I… the wound is… gone?

I looked down, seeing the child laying still on the floor. Dead and unmoving. How… How am I…

… “Mortals like you don’t stay dead long.”

…

“I'm not a Perpetual though…” I muttered, just… so beyond confused as nothing is making any sense and I doubt I'll get any answeres… “Wait… oh shit the people!” I yelped as I scrambled up and rushed out.

As I got up I felt my hand touch something. Looking down… That book?

I paused, seeing it here and… not in the Warp…

“... I'm going to shit an actual star at this point if I have yet another stupid thing happen’s…” I muttered.

I grabbed the book and rushed out, seeing that the village was still hold up in the barn.

Shortly after I got here, Apollo caught up. “Sir Sam, you appear to be bloodied.” He informed.

“Yes, Nurgle wanted to talk so he corrupted a child that stabbed me.” I answered.

“And your wounds?”

“I’m mystically a Perpetual, how and why? Who the fuck knows!” I groaned. “Or I have a weird healing factor, either way I’m mystically fine and I don’t know why.”

“I am sure The Emperor will look into it after the battle is won. Aside from the child, have the rest of the civilians been secured?”

“Yes, thankfully.” I nodded. “And… Mortarian might be coming this way, also Necare and possibly all the other Overlords are Dead.”

“Not surprised. Those monsters had to come from somewhere.”

“True, but Necare has been dead for at least four years now.” I said, raising up the book. “Cause I found this thing that let’s me communicate with people I haven’t met yet.”

“A worthy find.”

“Yeah…” I said. “And I have a lot of questions for Caller cause none of this makes any sense.”

It was a few hours before Neoth and Alpharius as well as the rest of the Custodians walked back down the mountain trail.

With the news I gave them Neoth had us teleported right back onto the ship. He can teleport. Of course he can…

He then sat me down on the table and was looking my neck over. “You said the blade cut into your throat…” He muttered.

“Yep.” I nodded. “Straight through cause dear ol ‘granddad’ really wanted to talk with a knife in my neck.”

“There doesn’t appear to be scar tissue…” He said, walking over to a machine that began scanning me again. “Do you know how long you were… dead?”

“No idea, you’d have to ask Apollo how long it took him to beat all those Daemons before getting to me.” I answered.

He didn’t reply as he was reading the data on the screen over. “This is… unexpected… Not surprised I didn’t notice it before though…”

“So what mystical horseshit do I have on me now?”

“Not mystical… but these scans are identical to the ones I took of you when you first reappeared. Even where you were injured your cells are unchanged. Biologically you’re akin to the Custodians. Minus the enhancements.”

“... How? And wouldn’t I more so be a Perpetual given I came back to life from a lethal injury?”

“Not in the normal sense. I think since Time is naturally… finicky in the Warp, since you were basically baptised in the Deep Warp the same Time Distortians applied to you. You don’t age, and when you’re lethally injured your body seems to just revert the time the injury impacted you back to right before it happened. Kind of like… Jack Harkness. Which fits since you’re both sluts.”

“Eat my ass.” I huffed. “But right then, good to know about… all that.”

“Does explain some things. Over the last eight years you haven’t changed much. Hell, I don’t think you’ve even had a haircut?”

I thought back… Huh… yeah I haven’t…

Fucking hell…

I groaned and put my face in my hands. “Can shit make sense for once?”

“Not likely. Trust me, especially Warp Stuff makes little to no sense. Though maybe Lorgar would understand given the whole thing is based on Faith and Belief and all that nonsense…” He sighed. “Now… about that island you said you were on, one that Nurgle said they can’t set foot on…”

“No clue in the slightest.” I admitted. “The island was… strange, and the place looked like it was lived in, by kids and one other person.” I said. “Which makes no fucking sense because the Chaos Gods are beings of the Sea of Souls, which Time doesn’t exist to the point where, when Slaanesh was ‘born’, she was always there with the others even though they are the ‘youngest’...”

Neoth sighed. “Time exists there, just not in the way it does here… concepts age and change, Sam.”

“Oh don’t give me that ‘Casuality’ bullshit again…” I groaned. “Ugh, I hate meta physics…”

“Not my favorite subject either.” Neoth chuckled. “But… I don’t know the whole story, but I do know that based on some ancient stories across many worlds, similar gods, similar beliefs, similar means of worship, or drastically different means of worship… The Chaos Gods are complicated… more than most are willing to admit.”

“I mean, the fact that there’s conflicting info from ‘Chaos Gods were always there’ to ‘they became a thing during the middle ages’ it’s… annoying to say the least.”

“There is one person who might know for sure… That Ancient One, right?”

Hmm… Maybe…

“True, there might also be the chance we can piece together an Old One.” I brought up.

“You still think the Umbra are shards of an Old One?”

“You got a better idea about those mystery shadow orbs?”

“Not sure how much you can get out of them and that would probably take much longer.”

“I know…” I sighed. “This fucking sucks… but did you find Mortarian?”

“A thunderhawk with Alpharius is on its way. He’ll be picked up within a few hours.”

“Good…” I sighed, rubbing my temples bitterly. “None of this makes any sense, even if I am wrong about things comparing and contrasting, the Warp is the exact same no matter what Reality, from Age of Sigmar to this one, they are the same.” I said.

“I suppose.” Neoth sighed. “And this book…” He added, looking at it. “It’s not part of anything of this reality… the materials I can tell just from the abnormal nature of its existence, it’s made of materials that aren’t part of the physical world.”

“Either it’s a part of the Deep Warp, or it has something to do with these ‘All Makers’ that Nurgle brought up, which is the second time they have been mentioned.”

“I know less about them than I do about the Chaos Gods. Everything the Ancient One told you about them is more than I know.”

“And it’s not like I can just call them to ask.”

“I mean, can’t you?”

I paused, reaching and taking out my phone. Contacts… Ancient One…

… Huh…

To be continued...