Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

During the age of Gods, a lone traveler dragged his feet on the dirt path on a summer day. He was dirty and dishevelled. He carried no belongings, only the clothes on his back. On the horizon, a village came into view. He was so close. The sounds of chatter could almost reach his ears. Soon he could rest his weary body. He only needed to push forward a little more. His dry, cracked lips could almost feel the refreshing water breathing life into his body. 

Soon. 

Just a little more.

He just has to ignore the pain for a little more, then everything would get better. If he persevered, he would be able to eat something and sleep under a roof. Maybe he would be able to get a brand-new start and forget about his past, too. He just has to stay strong.

The village on the horizon became blurry. His heavy eyes could no longer focus on what was ahead. But he was so close. He couldn’t give up now. With slow blinks, the traveler tried to clear his vision. But alas, it was hopeless. With each blink, it was harder to open his eyes. Would he die of dehydration, starvation, and lack of energy when his goal was so close? It was a pitiful way to die. His brain couldn’t even muster a prayer to the Gods in his last moments, though he didn’t believe they would listen to the pleas of such a pitiful man. 

As his body fell to the dirt path, he thought of his early memories. Those were happy times, but in the end… It wasn’t a very good life. His family had kicked him out, his entire hometown shunned him, and left to die in search of a new start…

From the foliage, a kitsune emerged. The man on the ground was a stranger, but it was his job as a messenger of the God Inari to keep everyone around the village safe, and from just looking at him, the kitsune could tell the traveler had a kind soul. Besides, there still was life flowing through the traveler's veins. He hadn't given up, and that's something that couldn't be ignored. 

With a bit of effort, he lifted the limp man onto his back. A chill ran down his spine when the young man unconsciously nuzzled against his neck, almost making him lose balance because of shock. He had to remind himself that time was running out. He couldn’t waste any of it by getting distracted. Taking a deep breath, he took off towards the village. His wooden sandals clapped against the dirt path, and his steps made the loose pebbles jump in the air. 

The mortals would know how to help him better than a lone kitsune. A healer could treat him. The chief could give him a place to stay as he recovered. But none of that mattered if he didn't make it on time. 

The short walk towards the village had never felt so painstakingly long. With each step, he could feel the traveler's life slip away. Where was the young man from? How long had he been travelling? Hopefully, the young man would live to tell his story. 

In his desperate rush, the kitsune ignored the voices of the villagers. There was no time for greetings or questions; explanations could wait until later. Although he doubted a messenger of the Gods would have to explain himself. Still, it was nice to have a good relationship with the mortals under Inari-sama’s care.

Slamming the door of the healer’s house, the kitsune kicked off his dirty sandals and barged in without a proper announcement. Surely, both his master and the villagers would forgive his lack of manners during such a crucial time. “This young traveler needs immediate help! He’s slipping away!” He said, startling the wise healer. “Please, I implore for your help.” Carefully, he laid the young man’s body in front of the healer. The traveler was paler than before, and his breathing was even shallower.

All it took was a quick glance for the healer to realize the young man’s critical condition. Dropping everything they had been doing, they instructed the kitsune to lay the young man on a futon while gathering basic supplies. The kitsune didn’t know what all the equipment or herbs were, but he trusted the wise healer. If anyone could help the traveler, it was them.

The kitsune helplessly watched as they examined the young man from the corner of the room. If the scrunched face of the healer was anything to go by, things didn’t look good. Even with his magic, the only thing the kitsune could do was silently pray to Inari-sama. Even though his master’s expertise wasn’t medicine, he begged for the young man’s well-being. Mortals were such fragile creatures, destined to perish sooner rather than later… But this one was still young; he still had many years ahead of him. It would be saddening to see such a young flame become extinguished. 

If the young man died now, no one would ever know his name or story; he would be forgotten with the passage of time, and although the kitsune was no stranger to the fate of mortals, his heart felt heavy at the thought of it.

Wrinkled hands worked with agile precision, checking the traveler's temperature, pulse, eyes and mouth. They took off the young man's dirty garments and put a wet rag on his forehead, it was standard practice for a fever, yet the kitsune looked away to give the stranger some privacy. Next, he mixed an assortment of herbs and water, and forced the mixture down the young man's throat with no resistance. It smelled foul, but as long as it helped the young man, it was okay.

“You should go, Kitagawa-san. I'll take it from here,” said the healer as they examined the young man's reflexes. The kitsune didn't see how that could help with treatment, but he knew better than to question the wise healer. “I can administer treatment, but it's up to him to make a recovery. All I can do is give him a fighting chance… If you hadn't brought him in when you did, I don't think he would even have a chance.”

“Understood. I'll be taking my leave, then.” Yusuke took a step away, then paused. “As for payment, I'll arrange something with the chief. Thank you for your work.” 

“Hah, don't bother. I couldn't possibly accept anything in return from Inari-sama or their messenger. Being under your protection is enough,” the healer waved him off. “Just don't slam my door again, okay? The old thing can't take a beating.”

The fur of his tails bristled, and his face grew hot at the mention of his lack of manners. “It won't happen again.” Yusuke grabbed his discarded sandals, dusted them off, and put them on before leaving. This time, he made sure to be gentle with the door on the way out.

There wasn't much else he could do for the traveler now. He had to leave it to the healer's hands and the Gods' will. The only thing he could do was pay Sakura-san a visit and let him know he'd brought a stranger into the village as a heads-up before other mortals made sure he heard the news of a kitsune running around like a wild animal with a passed out stranger on his back. 

Yusuke ignored the curious eyes of the villagers as he passed. He wasn’t particularly close to anyone. They respected him and sought his help from time to time, but mostly kept their distance. It didn’t bother Yusuke. With no family or other yokai around, he was used to being alone. Getting close to such fragile creatures wouldn’t do him any good. Besides, the loneliness didn’t get in the way of his duty as a messenger of Inari-sama, so he saw no reason to change it. The only mortal he was somewhat close to was the village chief, but it was purely a business relationship, despite the chief trying to get close to him by offering food and a place that welcomed him with open doors.

Sakura-san was a kind man. Surely, he would accept the traveler into the village while he recovered and, perhaps, would offer him a place to stay and settle down. 

With care, he knocked on the door to the Sakura residence and waited for a response before going in. This time, he neatly placed his sandals at the entrance. Inside, Sakura-san sat at the table while sipping a cup of tea. “Sakura-san, pardon me for showing up out of the blue. I hope I'm not interrupting your work…”

“I already told you there’s no need to be so formal, and don't worry about it. You aren't interrupting, Yusuke. If you're coming to visit, it must be important,” the man said, offering Yusuke a seat. The kitsune graciously accepted and sat on the soft cushion. “How have you been?” 

Ah . Sakura-san kept trying to make small talk, even after so many years of Yusuke shutting him down. “Good, as always.” Sakura-san hummed in acknowledgement. “I've come to discuss a recent… Event. Less than an hour ago, a young traveler collapsed outside the village. I brought him in, and he's currently receiving treatment at the wise healer’s abode... I’m hoping the village will welcome him for as long as he needs to stay.”

“I see no reason to shun him away. He’ll be more than welcome to stay for as long as he doesn’t cause any trouble, though.” Sakura-san caressed his beard and added, “If he causes any trouble, I won’t hesitate to throw him out, okay?”

It was a reasonable term to accept. Yusuke could feel it in the young man’s energy that he wasn’t a bad person, so he wasn’t scared to accept. “Sounds good to me.”

“Then, that’s settled. Anything else you would like to discuss? Can I serve you a cup of tea? My daughter said the new batch of leaves is exceptionally good,” he said with a smile.

“Thank you, but I must decline. That’s all I needed to say, so I’ll take my leave now.” Without missing a beat, he stood up. Not giving Sakura-san time to protest or try to convince him to stay for a cup of tea. “If you need anything, you know where to find me. Goodbye.”

Yusuke didn't look back on his way out, nor did he give much acknowledgement to the people that greeted him on the street. He simply assured them that everything had been dealt with and everything was alright. The sight of a panicked yokai had left quite the impression on the villages, making them curious. They asked questions and wished to hear the full story, but Yusuke kept his answers short. While he has brought all the questions upon himself by acting so out of character, that didn't mean he enjoyed giving out too many details about his behavior and the traveler's story — which he didn't know, yet the villagers asked.

It took him more than he would've liked, but he managed to shake off the curious villagers and make his way into the forest next to the village. Not very deep inside the woods, a small shrine dedicated to Inari-sama stood. There were no shrine maidens or priests. Only Yusuke lived in it and took care of it. It was humble, but Inari-sama appreciated the offerings and mortals that visited, so Yusuke had been assigned as its guardian many moons ago, when he had only one tail.

As time had passed, Yusuke had gained a second tail. Not bad for a young kitsune. While he wasn't particularly powerful, he knew there was no rush to gain more tails. If he continued serving the shrine and caring for the villagers, he would gain more tails when the time was right. For now, he would simply continue his duty as a messenger and guardian. 

The forest was a lonely place, giving him enough peace of mind to pray and speak with Inari-sama. He communicated the mortals’ needs for prosperity, bountiful harvests, and protection. When touching the subject of protection, Yusuke couldn't help but mention the young traveler. He spoke of his critical condition, of how he needed the strength to battle his ailments, and how he had a kind aura despite his unfortunate circumstances. 

“This is deeply selfish of me; I know destiny can not be avoided, but please… I pray for his swift recovery.”

“You have never implored for divine intervention, my fox. Why now? Why him?”

“I… I don't know. His aura holds a kindness I have never come across before. He seems like a warm person who still has a lot to live for.”

“I see.” 

After a moment of silence, Yusuke felt the presence of Inari-sama disappear, prompting him to finish his prayer. Perhaps he had overstepped by asking for something selfish, something unrelated to his duty as a messenger. It's just that never before he'd been so worried about a mortal. Never in his long years had he cared so much about life or death, he understood some lives came to an end faster than others and watched from the sidelines as nature took its courses. Numerous humans died and were born every day… And yet, the mysterious traveler lingered in the kitsune’s thoughts. 

There had to be something special about him…

Yusuke shook his head, hoping it would clear his thoughts. Whatever it was that made that human so special didn't matter. He had other things to worry about. With a deep breath, he decided enough was enough. He wouldn't go into the village to check on the young man's condition, nor would he ask Sakura-san the next time they met. His worries were just a strange fluke and would go away once he stopped thinking about it. 

He would put a stop to his feelings of worry and would ignore the traveler. He'd already done his job. There was no need to go out of his way for a mortal. Instead, he would continue life as normal; following his routine of caring for the shrine, talking with his master, and only mingling with humans when it was necessary. That way, he would be able to put the whole incident behind him. 

The following weeks were peaceful and mundane. There were no incidents, no problems that required Yusuke to step in to help. In the mornings, he would clean up the fallen leaves on the shrine grounds and, if someone left him an offering, he would eat it. Later, he would take a stroll near the rice fields in order to make sure everything was alright. And on evenings, he would stand guard near the village gates before heading back to the shrine to pray. His routine barely changed, but Yusuke didn’t mind.

But one morning, things changed.

When he awoke from a restful night of sleep, the surrounding forest seemed different. The rustling of the leaves was slightly different and the birds' song was a little quieter. Before he had gone to sleep, everything seemed normal… With caution, Yusuke emerged from the shrine. 

His heart skipped a beat. 

There he was. The young traveler was standing in front of the fox statues near the torii gate. In his hands, he held a small plate of rice and tofu. When he became aware of the yokai’s presence, he quickly turned to face him. “Ah! Good morning,” he said as he bowed. “I’ve heard a lot about you, kitsune-san. Thank you so much for rescuing me… Nothing will ever be enough to demonstrate my deep gratitude, but I hope you can accept this humble offering!”

Yusuke stood frozen, slowly blinking as he looked at the young man offering him the plate of food. This development was quite… Unexpected. Whenever someone wanted to make an offering, they would simply leave it outside for the kitsune to find it later; no one ever gave their offerings directly to Yusuke. Also, Yusuke hadn't expected for the young man to visit at all.

Keeping the young man waiting would be bad manners, so, with unsure hands, Yusuke took the plate off his hands. “I… I appreciate your offering. Your intention is more valuable than anything else.”

Straightening his posture, the younger man's shoulders relaxed. “Thank you for accepting it. I owe you my life… For a moment, I truly believed it was the end, but you saved me.” 

“I didn't do anything special… You should thank the wise healer for saving your life instead.”

“I-I already thanked them numerous times since I woke up! Do not worry about it!” The young man quickly explained with rosy cheeks. “But I still felt the need to thank you properly, kitsune-san.”

Humans were such interesting creatures. Yusuke didn’t quite understand them. “Please call me Yusuke. What is your name, young traveler?”

“Yusuke-san…” The traveler tried out the name. The action sent a shiver down the kitsune's spine. He’d heard his own name many times, so why did he react like that when the young man said it? “My name is Ren.”

No last name, huh? Well, it wasn't extremely uncommon, so he didn't comment on it. “Pleased to meet you, Ren-san.”

“The pleasure is mine, Yusuke-san!” That made Yusuke smile.

“It’s good to know you're doing good, Ren-san, but if you’ll excuse me, I have duties to attend to.” He slightly bowed his head. “Goodbye.” As always, he turned around before the other party could say anything. This time it wasn't because he was uninterested, but because he was too interested in the young man. 

It wasn't right. He shouldn't favor a mortal over the others.

Yusuke was about to step back inside the shrine to eat Ren's offering, when the young man's voice interrupted the birds’ song. “Take care, Yusuke-san! See you!” And with that, Ren left. His pace was slow, surely he was still recovering, and sneaked out early from the healer's abode like a mischievous child.

The kitsune stood frozen in place. See you ? Did Ren intend to come back, or was he just acting casual? If he intended to come back, when would that be? All those questions made Yusuke's tails swish uneasily and his appetite vanished. He couldn't eat the food the young man had put together — which he probably did behind the wise healer's back. Perhaps, offering it to Inari-sama would for the best… His master would surely appreciate a plate of good rice and tofu.

After placing the offering at the altar, Yusuke continued his routine with an uneasy mind. For the past weeks, he had successfully kept the young man out of his thoughts, but now he was all he could think about. What was this feeling? Yusuke pondered while sweeping the floor. The young man — Ren, he corrected himself — possessed something that set him apart from other mortals. Could it be his kind aura? That had been what had caught Yusuke's attention in the first place. Or was he simply interested because Ren was new and unknown? 

The word ‘curious’ seemed the most accurate to his current feelings. If that was the case, the longer Ren stuck around, the less he would plague Yusuke's thoughts, right? But what if Ren left once he made a full recovery? Would his absence make Yusuke's curiosity wilt? Or would it leave a gaping hole? 

Matters of the heart were quite complicated.

A walk along the rice fields should help him clear his mind. Yes, that sounded right. Once he finished cleaning the floors, he would take a nice, long walk to clear his mind.

The next morning, when Yusuke stepped out of the shrine, there wasn't a single sign of Ren on the shrine grounds. Yusuke couldn't help but sigh, of course the young man was being casual in his form of speech, and he had taken it too literally. It wasn't the first time he took human speech literally and caused a misunderstanding. That's why he preferred communicating with Sakura-san, the chief went straight to the point and rarely used phrases that could cause misunderstandings. That was what made him such a reliable man and earned him the position of chief, after all. 

Brushing his feelings away, Yusuke began his routine. There weren't many fallen leaves, he had cleaned the floor yesterday, so he busied himself cleaning the fox statues that guarded the torii gate. His stone companions needed a refreshment every once in a while; the elements weren't very kind to them. Moss and dirt stubbornly clung to the nooks and crannies of the statues, and it was Yusuke's job to clean it all up. 

After drinking a cup of tea, Yusuke got to work. With a brush and some water, he began the tedious task of scrubbing the statues clean. The birds and cicadas kept him company with their cheerful song, and soon enough he began absentmindedly humming along to their silly tune as he scrubbed.

The tune lifted his spirits and made the work less tedious. It served as a reminder to not let such trivial things disturb his peace. 

“Yusuke-san! Good morning!”

The kitsune almost jumped out of his skin. He'd been so lost in the forest's tune he had stopped paying attention to his surroundings, which included any approaching sounds. With a racing heart, he turned to meet with Ren's oblivious smile. The young man hadn't realized he almost gave the yokai a heart attack. 

“Already working so early? Yusuke-san is very dedicated to his work,” Ren said with a shy smile and his hands behind his back. “Maybe I'm interrupting?”

“Don’t worry, it's okay… What brings you here today?”

“Oh, w-well… I wanted to bring you this.” Bringing his hands to the front, Ren offered Yusuke a mochi treat. “I know Yusuke-san said he doesn’t need my appreciation, but I felt like yesterday's offering wasn’t enough.” 

Yusuke hesitated for a second. Refusing an offering would be bad manners, and it would reflect poorly upon his master, but he didn’t want to encourage the young man to keep coming back with offerings. “That’s very kind of you, but I can’t accept it right now. As you see, my hands are quite dirty at the moment…”

“Should I put it at the shrine, then? That way, you can save it up for later. Yusuke-san must get hungry after working so hard.”

As if on cue, Yusuke’s stomach rumbled loud enough for Ren to hear. Ren’s eyes widened in surprise, and Yusuke’s face grew uncomfortably hot. When was the last time he ate something? As a yokai, his needs differed from mortals, and more often than not, he ended up going without food for long periods of time until the hunger was impossible to ignore. 

“Or perhaps Yusuke-san should take a break right now and eat…?” Ren sheepishly suggested. He probably didn’t want to offend the kitsune. 

“I’ll take your suggestion,” he mumbled, putting the brush he was using to scrub down by the statue's feet. “Give me a second to wash my hands.” Ren nodded and Yusuke left to wash up. His mind and heart felt uneasy, but if his hypothesis of simply feeling curious was right, then spending time and getting to know the young man should be the remedy to that feeling. He had to give it a try, otherwise he would never know why Ren caused such a reaction within him. 

After shaking his hands dry, Yusuke went back to where Ren was. The young man hadn’t moved at all while waiting. “Sorry for making you wait. Thank you for the food.” With elegant fingers, he took the mochi from Ren’s hands and took a bite. The taste of the mochi and red bean paste filling was perfect, not overly sweet nor plain. Just perfect. Yusuke hummed in approval and immediately took another bite. His tails wagged in delight as he took the last bite of the small treat. 

“Was it good?”

“Very good, indeed. Where could I get more?”

Ren avoided the kitsune’s gaze and scratched the back of his neck. “I’m not sure… It was part of my meal yesterday, but I saved one for you, so I don’t actually know where to buy more of the same kind… B-but I can definitely bring more if I get mochi again!”

“You saved it for me?” Yusuke asked, as if wanting confirmation he had heard Ren correctly. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. And when Ren nodded, he felt horrified. “You mustn't do that ever again! You mustn't go hungry because of an offering!” Now he felt bad for devouring the sweet treat in front of the young man. 

“Don’t fret, I swear I’m not going hungry!” Ren frantically waved his hand in front of him, doing his best to calm the both of them down. “I-I really wanted to show my appreciation to Yusuke-san for getting me the help I needed, but I don’t have anything to my name, and Sojiro-san won’t let me work on the rice fields until I’m fully recovered, so my food was the only thing I could offer. But if it makes Yusuke-san worry, I won’t do it again…”

“I would very much appreciate that. As I said before, I didn’t do anything worthy of recognition. I’m just doing my job.” With a sigh, Yusuke let his shoulders sag. He would never fully understand humans. “You should head back and focus on your recovery. You were in a critical condition, after all. Do not neglect your health.”

“Okay… See you.” Ren looked quite defeated as he said his farewells and walked away along the stone path. Did Yusuke miss something during their brief conversation?

Wondering never did him any good, so Yusuke simply picked up the brush and went back to cleaning. Although he was put on this earth — on this shrine — to bridge the gap between mortals and Inari, there was still a gap between mortals and yokai. A gap he didn’t know how to close. Did kitsune with more tails possess that knowledge? Maybe, if there were other kitsunes around, he could ask… But he was alone. It was up to him to figure it out.

“You don’t have those problems, don’t you?” he asked with a slight chuckle to the statues.

Time flew by as he scrubbed the statues until they regained all their smooth and shiny glory. No one else visited during that time, and once he was done, his hands were tired. Thankfully, the rest of his routine didn’t involve any work that required him to use his hands. Before going out to patrol the rice fields and village entrance, he washed his hands again, and as the sound of water filled his ears, he remembered Ren’s words.

‘Sojiro won’t let me work on the rice fields until I’m fully recovered’.

Did that mean Ren would stay in the village? Would he see Ren every day on his strolls while the young man worked in the fields?

Yusuke’s heart felt uneasy again.

The next morning, Yusuke didn't know what to expect. Would Ren visit again? Or now that Yusuke had forbidden him from bringing more offerings, he wouldn't? It would make sense if Ren didn't come again, after all, why would he come back without a reason? Though he would never admit it, Yusuke felt a little sad. But just a little.

He did his tasks as usual. Maybe, just maybe, with a little less energy than usual. Unlike the day before, time seemed painfully slow, and soon Yusuke had run out of things to do around the shrine. It was a strange downside to always staying on top of his work. Right now, everything was clean, the altar was organized, and there were no new offerings to add. Just to do something, he burnt s nice smelling incense he knew his master enjoyed, but that didn't require more than a few minutes, so he was left without anything to do again. 

Sitting on the engawa, Yusuke watched the birds and trees. Perhaps this was a good moment to indulge in his hobbies unrelated to his duty… If he indulged during such a slow day, his master would understand. Inari-sama wasn't strict, they simply expected for everything to be in order — which was the current state of affairs at the shrine. 

Inside the shrine, there was a hidden box that stored Yusuke's most precious belongings: paper and charcoal. He grabbed a couple sheets and plopped down on the engawa again, scanning his surroundings for inspiration. A bird sleeping on its nest caught his attention, so he began quickly drawing it in fear it would wake up and fly away. Not pleased with his initial drawing, he did another one, and another one, until half of the sheet of paper was the same bird over and over again. With each attempt, he got better at it, causing his chest to swell with pride.

Maybe one day his art would be worthy of hanging on the wall, like he'd seen on some of the villagers' homes.

“Yusuke-san, hello!” Ren approached with a wave. His hands were empty. Good. 

“Ren-san, what brings you here?”

Ren stopped in his tracks. “Ah, well, uh… I don't like doing nothing all day… And the forest is very peaceful! Perfect for a stroll! Haha…”

“Hmm, it is a very nice place indeed. Just don't overexert yourself when taking a stroll. If the healer wants you to rest, there must be a reason behind it,” he said before returning his eyes to the paper. 

For a moment or two, Ren stood in place, fidgeting with his fingers, as if wanting to say something and working up the courage to do it. Then, he slowly inched forward, though he still maintained a respectable distance. It made Yusuke's tails wag nervously. What did he want? Before he could ask, Ren spoke, “What is Yusuke-san doing?” 

“I'm drawing some birds.”

“Oh, that's nice…” Ren trailed off, tapping his foot on the ground with no particular rhythm. It wasn't unpleasant, but it was a little distracting for someone with unusually sharp hearing like Yusuke. “So, Yusuke-san likes to draw?”

“I do, though I don't usually have time to sit down and draw. Today is one of those rare days when I can indulge my hobby.” He paused, focusing on the shading of his current drawing, then pulled his eyes away from the drawing in a panic and added, “Please, do not think I'm neglecting my job.” 

“I would never think such a thing!” Ren replied with the same panic as he shook his head. Hearing that gave Yusuke some peace of mind. “Uh… Could I see Yusuke-san’s drawing? Only if you're comfortable, of course!” 

Yusuke blinked in disbelief. He'd never shown his amateur work to anyone. Sakura-san had once asked about it, but Yusuke had avoided doing so until Sakura-san stopped bringing it up. He could easily decline and keep his work under wraps, but Ren looked genuinely interested. Biting his lip, Yusuke almost burned holes into the paper. Was it good enough to show? He was taking too long deciding if it was worthy of being seen or not… 

‘Have more confidence.’ Yusuke could almost hear Inari-sama say.

“It's okay if Yusuke-san wants to keep it private.” 

Taking a deep breath, Yusuke said, “No. It's okay. You can take a look.” He tried really hard to stop his hands from shaking as he turned the sheet of paper around for Ren to see, and held his breath when Ren got a little closer to view it. 

As he waited for a reaction, he could feel his poor heart trying to hammer its way out of his chest. He was too anxious to even try to read Ren's expression as his dark eyes scanned each drawing. 

“Amazing, Yusuke-san! The feathers look so fluffy, I can perfectly imagine them!” Ren's eyes sparkled with sincerity and awe. “I'm not an expert, but I believe this is impressive, Yusuke-san!” 

Heat rose to Yusuke's cheeks, and his ears pressed against his head in embarrassment. He wasn't used to praise that didn't come from his master. “Thank you,” he mumbled, not trusting himself to speak louder without his voice sounding weird. “I still have lots of improvement to do, but thank you.”

“I truly mean what I said. Yusuke-san is amazing! I'm very honored to get to see something so personal.”

Maybe Yusuke shouldn't mention it was the first time he shared his art with someone else. Neither should he ask about the question that arose after their previous meeting... Some things were better left unsaid.

Silence fell between them, and it was the awkward kind. Yusuke didn't know what to do about it. He always left before an uncomfortable silence could happen, so he felt even more awkward. Unsure of what to do, he slowly turned the page back around and glued his eyes to it. Maybe Ren would just leave now that the conversation died down? Not to be mean, but Yusuke would appreciate that… 

“Could I, uh, sit down with Yusuke-san for a minute? My legs are a little tired,” he awkwardly chuckled while playing with the ends of his messy hair. “After that, I'll go back. I wouldn't want to burden Yusuke-san with my presence much longer.” 

“Do not neglect your health…” Shuffling to the side, Yusuke silently invited Ren to sit down next to him — though he made sure there was an appropriate distance between them. “And your presence is not a burden. The shrine welcomes everyone at any time of the day. Neither Inari-sama nor I turn away visitors.” 

Ren hummed in response, and this time, the silence wasn't so awkward. It was bearable enough that Yusuke could pick up his charcoal and continue drawing, though this time he moved on to drawing the fox statues instead of little birds. At first, his lines were stiff, most likely because he wasn’t used to drawing around others, but with each new stroke of charcoal, the lines became more fluid. It was nowhere near Yusuke’s standard, but it was something.

Perhaps having people around wasn’t so bad. Now that he knew Ren a little, he didn’t feel uneasy.  

“I should go…” With a small grunt, Ren got off the engawa. He turned to look Yusuke in the eye and waved him goodbye with a bright smile. “See you tomorrow!” 

Yusuke’s breath got caught in his throat and he couldn’t say goodbye. The gears turned in his mind, processing what Ren said before walking — almost running and tripping, actually — away. 

Was Ren coming to the shrine just to see him?

Chapter Text

Ren's visits quickly became part of Yusuke's routine. During the first week, he visited during mornings, but once he got a clear health check and began working on the fields and helping out on farms to earn a living, his visits changed into the late afternoon, when the sun was setting. Although, sometimes, their paths would meet when Yusuke was walking along the rice fields and Ren would drop his work for a few minutes to say hello. Yusuke tried to discourage him from doing so. He shouldn't neglect his job for the kitsune, but Ren waved him off by saying he had everything under control and that he would never fall behind his tasks.

From what Yusuke had heard, Ren was currently staying with the Sakura family, but he was never home when Yusuke and Sakura-san met to talk. 

To be honest, at first, the new routine had put Yusuke off. He didn't understand why Ren kept coming back, especially when he didn't do it to worship Inari-sama. Yusuke had nothing to offer aside from brief conversations, and yet Ren came back every day. Every day he greeted Yusuke with a bright smile, asked about the kitsune's day, then talked about what he himself had done at work, sometimes mentioned how he spent his time at the Sakura residence — apparently he'd gotten closer with Futaba, Sakura-san’s daughter — and then went home with the same bright smile. 

‘It seems you have made a friend,’ His master said one day, throwing Yusuke for a loop. Friend? When did that happen? It couldn’t be right. If they had become friends, then Yusuke would know, right? Well… He didn’t have any experience making friends, so maybe they were friends? ‘Fufu~ why don’t you just ask him?’ Impossible! ‘Why not? He seems like a good kid. You said it yourself, he has a kind aura.’

There were many things Yusuke didn’t have the courage to ask Ren. Such as, why did he travel to the village? Why did he start coming every day? Why was he so interested in Yusuke? Wasn’t he scared of the yokai? Was he planning on staying, or would he leave once he had enough money? Did he like Yusuke’s company, even though the kitsune was boring? And, were they friends?

But he bit his tongue and continued greeting Ren like always, replying to his questions about living in a shrine, and sometimes sharing his passion for art. Nowadays, they would sometimes share an afternoon snack, too. Ever since Ren got a job, he bought little treats to share with Yusuke, and the kitsune couldn’t decline, even though he tried multiple times. He felt awful by taking what Ren bought with his hard-earned money, but every time he had tried to decline, Ren said it was an offering, and offerings couldn’t be declined. 

“It’s a shame peach season will soon end…” Ren mumbled with his mouth full of the juicy fruit. He dangled his feet off the engawa, lazily swinging them back and forth. With time, he’d grown comfortable around the shrine and Yusuke. He no longer was the young man who twiddled his fingers while asking Yusuke if it was okay for him to take a seat.

Yusuke nodded and swallowed. He would never dare to speak with his mouth full. “It’s just the cycle of nature. The trees will lose their leaves, the flowers will wilt, but next year they will bloom again… The cycle will repeat forever.”

“I guess so, but I’ll still miss eating all the sweet fruits.” Laying down, Ren stretched out his arms like a cat in the sun before tucking them under his head. “How many times has Yusuke-san watched the seasons come and go?”

“Too many to count,” he chuckled. Surely the number was greater than a hundred times. “Or remember. The years blend together, and it’s difficult, if not impossible, to know with exactitude.”

“Eh…” Ren trailed off, allowing a comfortable silence to fall between them. 

Yusuke continued eating his share of peaches, while his tails slightly wagged behind him. It was a really delicious harvest of peaches. 

A few golden leaves fell to the ground as the wind blew, and the birds’ song was fainter than in previous weeks. Soon autumn would arrive, and the forest would go to sleep. In previous years, Yusuke would spend autumn and winter mostly alone, since the forest creatures left for somewhere warmer or went to sleep, while mortals decided to stay in their homes to avoid the cold and sickness, but this year… Would it be different? Would Ren still visit him every day despite the cold temperatures? Would they share other seasonal snacks? Only time would tell.

“Hey, Yusuke-san?” Ren called out. Yusuke’s ears turned towards the source of the sound before the rest of Yusuke’s body. 

“Yes?”

“Will… Will you remember me once the seasons go by?” Quite the heavy question. 

Yusuke wasn’t the type to ponder about the future, because he didn’t really need to. Unlike humans, who wondered how the world would change once they were gone, Yusuke knew he would most likely live to see the future mortals imagined. Also, he had never had something important to look forward to. Every day was the same, things barely changed, so there was no point in wasting time by imagining silly things. 

But things had changed. Maybe a little. Maybe a lot.

Now, every day wasn’t the same because Ren was in them. There were days Ren visited a little earlier or a little later. There were days they shared a snack, and there were days they sat in a comfortable silence to unwind from their work. At first, those changes had made him uneasy, but he’d gotten used to them. If tomorrow Ren stopped visiting, Yusuke would notice and worry. Ren was his first friend. He had already left a deep mark on Yusuke’s soul within such a short amount of time. Of course he would remember him.

“That was a weird question!” Ren laughed and sat up. “Sorry about that… You don’t have to answer.” Jumping off the engawa, Ren didn’t turn around like usual. Didn't give him a bright smile as usual. “I gotta go before it gets dark. See you.”

Yusuke opened his mouth. He wanted to say, “Yes, I will remember.” But his voice betrayed him. “Goodbye. Take care!”

For the first time in his many years of life, Yusuke felt something akin to fear. The ugly emotion curled and twisted in his gut, threatening to make him sick. His hands and feet suddenly felt awfully cold, and his throat was tighter than ever. 

Matters of the heart were quite complicated.

The following day, Ren visited like normal and didn't bring up the question, and neither did Yusuke. It was laughable. A yokai who had lived for so long, able to communicate with the gods and use magic, was scared to bring up a simple question. He could almost hear Inari-sama telling him to stop beating around the bush, but in the end, he couldn't. They spent the afternoon as normal, with Ren recounting his day and then leaving when the wind blew too cold. He did turn around and smiled at Yusuke this time, which made Yusuke's heart feel lighter. 

The day after that was normal, too. Ren brought mochi to share and also delivered a paper bag full of tea leaves sent by Sakura-san. It was his way of thanking Inari-sama and Yusuke for the bountiful harvest, and when he had mentioned going to the shrine, Ren had jumped at the opportunity to make the delivery himself. Yusuke giggled and prepared a hot teapot. First, he poured a cup for Inari-sama and placed it at the altar, and then shared the rest with Ren. The warm tea was a delightful combination with the soft mochi. 

But the next day, Ren didn't show up. 

Yusuke waited by the torii gates until the sun set and the moon and stars took center stage in the sky, but Ren didn't show up. Goosebumps spread across Yusuke's body because of the early autumn wind, yet he stayed outside just a bit longer in hopes Ren would come.

It didn't happen. 

The next day, Yusuke finished his work early and didn’t leave the shrine grounds. He sat outside waiting for something, anything, really. With every rustle of the trees, he got his hopes up and looked around for any signs of Ren, but found none every single time. The sun traveled across the sky. The moon came out, and Yusuke kept waiting out in the cold. 

Once it was clear Ren wouldn't come, Yusuke stepped into the shrine with his ears pressed flat to his head, and his tails hanging low. He absentmindedly lit up an incense, moved a few things around on the altar for Inari and sat down to pray. 

During his prayers, his thoughts kept drifting off towards Ren, trying to come up with an explanation for his absence. Yusuke mentally reprimanded himself and bit his inner cheek. Mortals needed more protection than ever during the colder months. He couldn't slack off because of personal matters.

‘ Stop.’ His master’s voice was firm, and although they didn’t sound angry, Yusuke flinched. Inari-sama had never spoken to him like that. ‘Your mind is too chaotic, and your work is suffering the consequences. Stop.’ 

Yusuke’s stomach dropped. “Please, forgive me! I-I will do better, I promise.”

‘Yusuke, I know you’re a good kitsune and this isn't your usual self, but a messenger who can’t do its work is of no use… You’re dismissed for tonight. Tomorrow, try to get your thoughts in order. I’ll allow you to not work tomorrow so you can do what you need to do. That’s all for today. Rest well and follow your heart.’

Inari’s presence faded, but a comforting warmth remained around Yusuke’s shoulders like a gentle hand to keep him grounded. His master wasn’t mad. 

Staring at his lap, Yusuke tried to calm his heart and mind. He had to follow Inari-sama’s advice and get his mind straight, otherwise he would be disappointing not only his master but also the village that relied on him as a messenger. He slapped his cheeks and went to bed. It was late. Sleep didn’t come easily. He tossed and turned for what felt like hours until his consciousness faded away and gave room for rest.

The next morning, out of habit, Yusuke swept the fallen autumn leaves before venturing outside the shrine grounds. It was quite early, but Yusuke couldn’t wait much longer, so he let his heart and emotions guide him, something he'd never done before. Yusuke put his rational side over his emotions time and time again throughout his life, acting like a proper messenger of Inari, but he couldn't do it now, not when his heart ached in a way it had never ached before. 

How did Ren carve out a place for himself inside his heart in such a short time? Yusuke didn't understand. He'd been so adamant on keeping his distance, on acting detached, on being a proper yokai, but somehow Ren tore down his walls in a matter of months.

When he stepped into the village, he was greeted by lively streets. Mortals were up and about, living their fast and ordinary lives, fully ignorant of the storm brewing up inside Yusuke. Making his way through the streets, Yusuke avoided the crowds if possible. He didn't want anyone to approach him and delay him from reaching Ren. Good thing he'd been around for such a long time and knew different shortcuts. 

His first instinct was to search for Ren at the rice fields on the outskirts of the village. From what Ren told him, that was his main job, while helping out other farmers was a bit of a side hustle. 

A few workers waved him hello, to which he politely nodded before continuing his search. Yusuke tried to sniff him out, but there were too many scents in the air, so he had to resort to simply walking and scanning the area. He walked in circles around the fields for what felt like hours, checking and rechecking the area like a madman, without any luck. Losing hope, he approached one of the workers and asked, “Excuse me sir, do you, by any chance, know where I can find Ren-san?”

“Oh, Kitagawa-san!” The man bowed before answering. “I'm afraid I don't know. The kid didn't show up today.”

“What about yesterday?”

“He came in and worked hard like always, though he left a little earlier than usual.” 

Ren left early, but didn't visit the shrine? Why? Although his face remained stoic, Yusuke could feel himself spiraling. “I see… Thank you for the information. Have a good day.” 

Turning on his heels, he headed back with quick steps to the place that would surely have an answer. The Sakura residence. Sakura-san had to know about his whereabouts, and if Ren was sick or simply skipping work, he should be there. Just knowing he was okay would put Yusuke's chaotic mind at ease and allow him to continue his work at the shrine without an issue.

Yusuke's own heartbeat echoed in his ears as he walked — almost ran — towards the Sakura's home. A million emotions he didn't know were happening inside him, clouding his judgment and making him forget about everything that didn't involve finding Ren. 

Just like the day he saved Ren, he slammed the door open, making the Sakura's home shake with the force of impact, yet he didn't care in the slightest. “Pardon my intrusion!” As he kicked off his sandals, he noticed there were only two pairs of shoes at the entrance instead of three. Did that mean Ren wasn't home? Sakura-san always left a note if he was out, and his daughter wasn't one to go outside without a reason… “Sakura-san!”

“By the Gods, what happened?” The man grumbled from inside the house. Yusuke immediately rushed to the source, finding the man in the kitchen, looking absolutely pissed. 

“Do you know about Ren-san’s whereabouts?” He would apologize later. 

“Did he do something that you're looking for him so desperately?” The man huffed. “He packed up his things and left-”

Gone.

Yusuke's world stopped for a second. His ears rang as the color drained from his face. Of course… Did Yusuke forget? Ren was traveling before they met, it made total sense he would leave once his health got better, and he had saved up some money. Why did Yusuke assume he would stay forever? Ren was living with the Sakura's, he was a guest, he wasn't building a future in the village.

Ren had left without saying goodbye… Friends didn't do that to each other. Did Ren not consider him a friend?

Gone , he whispered.

“But I guess you can find him at his new home. He snagged that old house near the forest all for himself. The kid said he would patch it up, but I don't know if he has the skills necessary for the job.”

Wait, what? 

“Eh? What do you mean?”

“Like I said, the kid moved out into his own place. He didn't want to be a freeloader anymore, though I told him we didn't mind having him around.”

“So he's staying in the village?”

Sakura-san lifted a brow. “Yes, that's what I said. Wait, are you okay? You look rather pale.”

“Yes, I… I am okay, do not worry. I’ll take my leave now, thanks.” Feeling a little lightheaded, Yusuke headed out, tuning out Sakura-san’s voice. He was gentle with the poor door on his way out, and let his feet guide him towards the old house Sakura-san had mentioned. 

The place had been empty for quite a while. The owner had been a merchant that moved away to the big city, and no one had tried to move in for the longest time. Ren had gotten quite the deal when getting a home, it seemed. Though no one had cared for the place, so maybe it wasn’t such a deal, considering it would need a lot of fixing and cleaning. Would he be able to fix it before winter? Maybe some villagers would step in to help… Maybe Yusuke could step in to help. Despite not knowing much about construction, he wouldn’t mind helping Ren. He wasn’t favoring one human over the rest, he simply wanted all villagers under Inari-sama’s care to have good lives. Yes, that was all.

The home was a little further from the rest of the village, but it wasn’t a long walk. Or at least, Yusuke didn’t notice until he arrived at Ren’s doorstep. As he raised his hand to knock on the door, Yusuke froze. He came all the way here without a plan. Once Ren opened the door, what would Yusuke say? How would he justify his visit? He couldn’t admit the fact he’d gotten so worried because Ren didn’t visit for a couple of days. It was crazy and embarrassing. If he said that, surely it would weird Ren out.  

Maybe he should turn back and wait at the shrine until Ren had time to visit… Although the wait would kill him, it sounded better than making a fool of himself.

As he debated his next course of action, the door creaked open. The sound almost made Yusuke jump out of his skin. Before he could run away, the door fully slid open. Ren’s eyes widened once he saw Yusuke. The kitsune probably looked the same, feeling like he’d been caught red-handed.

“Yusuke-san? What are you doing here?” Ren blinked rapidly, as if he did not believe his eyes. “Is everything okay? Did something happen?” His tone grew in volume, and worry began to seep through his words.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Yusuke shook his head. “Everything is fine.” Now that I've seen you , he thought, but didn't add. His heart raced with anxiety as he carefully chose his next words. He didn't want to lie to Ren, but stating the truth wasn't easy. “I… I just wanted to check up on you. When you didn't come to visit these past couple of days, I got worried…”

Ren's face and shoulders visibly relaxed when he heard everything was okay. Yusuke couldn't help but give him the tiniest of smiles. “I’m really sorry, I didn't mean to! I just got so busy moving and cleaning…” He paused for a second and played with the ends of his hair. “Would you like to come inside? It's still pretty barren, but, well, maybe you want to take a look around…?”

“Oh, if it isn't too much trouble...” 

With a shy smile, Ren stepped aside and motioned for Yusuke to come inside. Just like Ren had said, it was pretty barren, but at least it was clean. No wonder he took the day off and hadn’t visited the shrine. After cleaning so much, anyone would be exhausted. Yusuke couldn't help but feel a bit guilty for letting his emotions get the best of him when Ren was working so hard to build a life for himself. Without meaning to, he'd grown egoistic — he wanted to monopolize Ren's free time. What would Ren think if he knew about Yusuke's feelings? 

Yusuke took off his sandals and followed Ren around, nodding and smiling as he was given a tour around the house. It needed some love and care, but it was a nice place. He could picture Ren living a pleasant life here. 

“I'm thinking of doing some farming here in the yard!” Ren said, looking through the back door. “I could plant some vegetables and use the knowledge I gathered at the farms.”

Yusuke's ears perked up as an idea popped into his head. “That sounds wonderful, Ren-san. I could perhaps help with that, you know… This land could use the Inari-sama's blessing for prosperity.”

“Eh!? You would do that!?” Yusuke nodded. “S-should I do something? This must require a big offering or something like that, right!?”

“No offering needed,” he said, shaking his head. It was hard not to laugh when Ren was gawking at him. “Consider it a housewarming gift from me. I could do it right at this moment, if you would like. I promise it won't take long.”

“Of course! I-I mean, if it isn't too much trouble…” he trailed off and began fidgeting with his fingers. It was rather endearing. 

Stepping through the back door, Yusuke didn't mind walking barefoot. Chanting a prayer in his mind, he connected with the energy flowing through the earth and surrounded the area with a protective magic, creating a light dome over Ren's land. The magic sent adrenaline rushing through his veins. He reached out to the Inari-sama, apologizing for his selfishness and asking for their blessing.

‘Very well.’

With their approval, the dome of light exploded into countless shining particles that reassembled ice, and before they could touch the ground, they disappeared into thin air. 

“That should be enough.” Rolling back his shoulders, Yusuke turned to look at Ren with a smile and this time, when he saw Ren's shocked expression, he couldn't contain the urge to laugh. 

Ren tried to speak, yet the words wouldn't come out despite the frantic movements of his mouth. Guess the display of otherworldly magic was too much, even for him, who was a brave soul that didn't hesitate when getting close to a yokai. The genuine awe in Ren's eyes made Yusuke's chest feel warm and fuzzy. A strange and unfamiliar sensation. 

“That was… Woah.” That was all Ren could come up with. 

Chuckling, Yusuke cleaned his feet to the best of his abilities before stepping back inside.

“May I ask why… Why are you doing this for me?” 

The question made Yusuke's cheeks grow warm. “I'm just happy that you're building a life here in the village.” A pause. “For a moment, I feared you had left to continue your travels without saying goodbye, so… I guess I'm just relieved and wanted to do something for you.”

“I would never do that!” Ren quickly replied, taking a step into Yusuke's personal space. Surprised, Yusuke tried to take a step back, but Ren stopped him by grabbing his hands. “I'm not going anywhere, Yusuke-san!”

Gulping, Yusuke nodded. He couldn't tear his eyes away from their joined hands, even though his face felt uncomfortably hot, and his heartbeat was unsteady. 

“In fact, I would really like Yusuke-san to move in with me!” 

What? 

That broke Yusuke out of his trance. He snapped his eyes away from their hands to meet Ren's. Inside those dark eyes, he didn't find a single trace of hesitation or lies. Ren's expression was serious and determined, as if he hadn't said something outrageous. A messenger moving out of his temple to live with a mortal? Unheard of! 

Silence stretched between them as Yusuke tried to process what Ren had said, and in the meantime, realization dawned on Ren's face. His determined eyes softened, and his cheeks became an intense crimson shade. He let go of Yusuke's hands, stepping away as if he'd been burned, and Yusuke couldn't help but feel disappointed at the loss of contact. Ren's hands on his own had felt… Nice, despite making his heart almost burst out of his chest. 

“I-I am really sorry! I shouldn't have said that! It's just t-that I thought it would be nice if you had somewhere warmer and cozier to spend the colder months in,” he blurted out. The words spilled out of his mouth so fast that Yusuke had trouble keeping up. “But that's such a silly thought, haha. Forgive me for overstepping!”

Yes, it was silly, but Ren's idea sounded nice. The idea of spending the colder months in a warm, cozy place instead of cooped up in the shrine during the snowfalls sounded amazing. And spending that time near his favorite human sounded even better. But he couldn't leave the shrine… His duties chained him to the holy ground.

‘Follow your heart.’ Inari's words echoed in his mind, as if encouraging him. If his master approved, then nothing was stopping him.

“I believe it’s a wonderful idea…” he mumbled, putting a stop to Ren’s panicked rambling. Meeting Ren’s eyes was too difficult. He had to look away, fixating his eyes on the floor. “If you’ll have me, I would like to live with you during these colder months.” He fidgeted with his thumbs, and his tails anxiously swayed from side to side. 

“Are you serious?” Ren asked, holding his breath.

Yusuke nodded. 

A beat of silence. Then another. Anyone would be able to hear a pin drop. 

Then Ren tackled Yusuke into a hug, overcome with emotion. It caught Yusuke off guard, and he stumbled for a moment before Ren’s firm grip helped him keep his balance. Such affection was overwhelming, to say the least. Yusuke stood frozen for a while, not knowing what to do, until Ren squeezed him a little more, prompting Yusuke to hug him back — though his grip wasn’t as firm as Ren’s.

“I promise I’ll get everything fixed as soon as possible. Then I’ll help you move in,” Ren whispered into Yusuke’s silky hair. “You won’t regret it. I swear.”

The corners of Yusuke’s mouth curled into a smile. A comforting warmth bloomed inside his chest when hearing Ren’s sincere words. “I’ll be waiting.”

‘So this is how it feels to watch a child grow up~.’ Inari’s voice echoed through the shrine. 

Yusuke’s cheeks flushed at the comment. Hearing such things from his master was embarrassing. “I’ll still come here every day. My duties come first.”

The day had arrived. Ren had finished fixing and settling into his new home. As soon as everything was done, he rushed to the shrine in the late afternoon to tell Yusuke to pack up his things. And while Yusuke didn’t have many material possessions, there were a few things he had to pack, like his art and materials, alongside a few blankets he loved. His master had been very supportive the entire time, assuring Yusuke that everything would work out and that he would keep his position as messenger of the gods, even if he didn’t live at the shrine. As long as he still came every day and fulfilled his duties, there was no harm being done by moving out.

‘All birds must learn how to fly and leave the nest…’

“Inari-sama…”

‘Apologies~ I won’t tease you anymore, my dutiful kitsune. I wish you the best.’ And with that, they left.

Soon after, Yusuke grabbed his things and stepped outside, where Ren was waiting for him with a tired, yet gentle, smile. Despite his exhaustion, he insisted on carrying Yusuke's belongings, and since he wouldn't take no for an answer, Yusuke let him. 

Walking home — their home — together was nice. Yusuke couldn’t hide his smile, even if he tried. The walk wasn’t very long, something Yusuke was grateful for since he would have to travel the distance every day now, and it passed by even faster as they talked about what Ren would cook for dinner. Despite sharing snacks for quite some time by now, Yusuke had never tried Ren’s cooking, so he was looking forward to it.

Once home — their home — Yusuke organized his belongings while Ren cooked. He put his blankets in the closet of the guest room, and his art materials inside the drawer Ren said was empty, but to his surprise, it wasn’t. Inside there was a fresh jar of ink and a couple of brushes. Confused, he went into the kitchen to ask about it. 

“Those?” Ren looked away from the fire just for a moment. “I got them for you… A little something to welcome you,” he admitted, scratching the back of his neck as a light pink dusted his cheeks. 

“Y-you shouldn’t have.” Though the idea of Ren going out of his way to buy something for him made his chest feel fuzzy. “But… Thank you, I really appreciate it.” 

The rest of the night went smoothly. Ren’s cooking was amazing, even though the chef tried to brush off the compliments by saying he’d prepared an easy dinner. The fried tofu was Yusuke’s favorite, so Ren promised to make more. Once they finished eating, Yusuke helped to wash the dishes, and before they knew it, it was time to go to bed. Not having to say goodbye and go their separate ways was a little weird, but Yusuke enjoyed it. From the guest room, if he sharpened his hearing, he could hear Ren in his room getting into his futon. It was a sound he could get used to.

When rescuing the lone traveler, Yusuke would’ve never imagined how important the young man would become to him.

Yusuke’s new routine involved waking up early, sharing breakfast with Ren before they left for work, cleaning the shrine and arranging the offerings, strolling around the rice fields and the village, praying to Inari-sama once the sun began to set, and then going back home. Some days, he got home first, and others, Ren was already there waiting for him. He still didn’t have much time to indulge in his hobby, but whenever he did, he dabbled into the world of painting with ink. It was vastly different from working with charcoal, but he was getting the hang of it. 

Whenever he made something he was particularly proud of, he would show it to Ren, who showered him with praise and encouraged him to keep up the good work. 

Falling into the new routine was easier than expected. It was incredibly domestic, which was foreign to Yusuke, but he welcomed the change of pace.

The days didn’t blend together anymore. Every day was a little different around Ren. And as the seasons changed, so did their routine. With the first harvest of vegetables grown by Ren, they had a feast with the produce. As a gift, Ren had also used some of the produce to create unique pigments that Yusuke could use for his art. Later, for their first snowfall, Ren didn’t go out to work and instead accompanied Yusuke to shovel off the snow from the shrine, and once it was dark, Ren made a teapot full of a sweet tea that warmed them up. 

Honestly, Yusuke wouldn’t mind living with Ren all year around instead of only the colder months. Only if he could do more for Ren… The young man was constantly doing things for him, while Yusuke didn’t give him much in return. He wasn’t a good cook, unlike Ren, and while he took care of cleaning, it didn’t feel enough. Ren said he didn’t need anything in return. Yusuke had already blessed his land and kept him company. What else could he ask for? 

If Yusuke could do more, then he would ask to stay the entire year round, but since he couldn’t come up with anything, he kept that desire to himself.

But things changed around the new year.

Yusuke had been working harder than ever. During the new year, most people went out to the shrine to show their appreciation for the year they were leaving behind and prayed for protection and blessings for the upcoming year. The shrine was overflowing with offerings, which wasn’t a bad thing, but it meant Yusuke had little to no free time and went back home deep into the night. He may not live at the shrine anymore, but he was still the messenger of Inari-sama and the protector of the village. Even if he was tired, he couldn’t stop welcoming people into the shrine, taking their offerings and bridging the gap between his master and mortals for as long as the festivities lasted.

Most nights, Ren waited for him with dinner and a hot drink ready, but a couple of nights, Ren was already in bed by the time Yusuke got home.

Without Ren’s support, Yusuke would certainly be in worse condition. Because, while he was exhausted, he was still warm and fed, something Yusuke used to neglect while on his own. But thankfully, as the days went by, less and less people showed up at the shrine, giving Yusuke finally an opportunity to go home before midnight.

“I’m home…” he sighed, shutting the door close behind him before taking off his shoes and many outer layers. It had snowed in the morning, so he had dressed accordingly, but inside their home, Ren had lit up the chimney so it was warm and cozy. 

“Welcome back!” Ren shouted from the inside, most likely from the kitchen, judging by the delicious smell of food. “Dinner will soon be ready!”

Humming in acknowledgement, Yusuke dragged his feet towards the table. Maybe, if he'd had a little more energy, he would've gone inside the kitchen and tried to help out, but not today. He rested his head on top of the table and felt himself drifting away into sleep. Staying awake was a very difficult task. His eyes and body felt heavy, and their home was so cozy… But he wanted to stay awake to eat dinner with Ren. It would be bad manners to fall asleep at the table while Ren finished preparing their meal.

“Thank you for your hard work,” Ren said while putting down a bowl of soup in front of Yusuke. Next, he placed different side dishes on the table, one of which was Yusuke's beloved fried tofu. Seeing it immediately made the kitsune perk up. “Today I decided to splurge a little and got a good bottle of sake! It seems appropriate for the festivities, don't you think?”

“Indeed.” As he straightened his spine, he heard it pop. It earned him a sympathetic look from Ren. “Thank you for the food.” 

“Want a little drink?” Ren popped the bottle open, and when Yusuke nodded, poured the first drink for him. Once Yusuke had his drink, he poured one for himself. “Thanks for the food!” 

The warm soup was exactly what Yusuke needed after a long, cold day. It warmed him from the inside, soothing some aches of his weary body while filling his belly at the same time. The side dishes perfectly complemented the soup, adding a variety of textures. And the sake was the cherry on top, pulling the meal together and relaxing his muscles. Yusuke couldn't help but groan in delight. Ren's cooking never disappointed. 

“Is it good?” Ren asked between sips of sake.

“More than good. You've outdone yourself with tonight's dinner!” 

“Glad to hear that. You deserve it after a long day of work,” he said, pushing the plate of fried tofu closer to Yusuke.

They continued chatting, eating, and drinking. Around Ren, Yusuke didn't feel as tired anymore. His body felt lighter, less overworked. He definitely could easily stay up longer just to spend a little more time with him. But as they chatted about anything and everything, he didn't notice how Ren kept pouring himself drink after drink until it was too late. He only noticed when Ren's eyes became unfocused and his face got red. 

“I think we should call it a night-”

“No, stay a little longer! I've missed you these days,” he pouted. “Let me enjoy this.”

“Ah, I understand… Let's stay just a little longer, then I'll take you to bed, okay? And I'll take care of the dishes.” Though he would much prefer to go straight to his own bed and deal with the dishes the next day. 

“So nice~ Y’know… At work, the guys were talking about their wives…” Another sip of alcohol. Perhaps Yusuke should confiscate the bottle. “And right now you're acting like my wife, hehe.” 

Yusuke froze. His breath got caught in his throat and his heart skipped a beat, before resuming by pounding against his ribcage. Him? Ren's wife? What a silly thought! Ren didn't know what he was saying. The alcohol wasn't allowing him to think clearly. That's all! But… Why did Yusuke feel so nervous at the idea of being Ren's wife? He didn't hate the idea… Everything was confusing at the moment.

“Wanna be my wife? Be my wife! I'll take good care of you… Whatcha say? I can be a good husband.”

Oh.

Suddenly, Yusuke felt very hot. Uncomfortably hot. “Ren-san, you don't know what you're saying. You're drunk.” Miraculously, his voice didn't tremble. 

“Yusuke is doubting me? But I love you! I love Yusuke so much!” So he was dropping the honorifics now… “I love Yusuke's smile, Yusuke's voice… And I really wanna touch Yusuke's tails~ they look so soft and fluffy… Can I touch it? Please?”

It was becoming too much. Too overwhelming. Yusuke didn't know how to respond. Could he trust Ren's words, despite him being drunk? And what did he feel towards Ren? All the emotions he felt around Ren were so new and unfamiliar, he was completely lost. Around Ren, he felt comfortable, like he could be his true self without fearing judgment. He wanted to stay by Ren's side and spend their free time together, even if it was in silence. Just being in Ren's presence was enough. Was that love?

Throughout his life, he had seen love from afar. Watching mortals love their parents, friends, spouses, and children. But love was foreign to him. It wasn't something that happened to him.

Once, he'd heard someone describe love as butterflies inside the stomach, an anxious feeling that happened around the object of affection. But he didn't feel like that around Ren, not anymore, at least. Perhaps, when they barely knew each other, he felt anxious, but nowadays, he felt safe. He felt at home.

The heart was such a confusing thing. 

Getting up from his seat, he cleared his throat. “Come on, let me take you to bed.” 

Helping Ren stand up was a challenge by itself. All the muscles made Ren quite heavy, and Yusuke wasn't the strongest. Plus, the alcohol made his body go lax, which didn't help at all. For a moment, he almost lost balance and fell on top of Ren, but in the end he managed to make him stand up. Though he wasn't prepared for Ren to cling to him so tightly while nuzzling the crook of his neck and trying to pet his tails. 

“R-Ren-san! I must ask you to please stop!” 

“Oh… ‘kay, sorry…” 

Dragging Ren around wasn't easy, either. Thank the Gods their home was rather small, otherwise Yusuke wouldn't be able to take him to his room. It took them a few stumbles, but they made it to Ren's room without falling face-first into the floor. Maybe it would've been easier if Ren wasn't using his firm grip to hold Yusuke as close as possible. 

“Stay here for a second. I'll roll out the futon, okay?” Ren made a sound akin to a hum, so Yusuke carefully peeled himself away from him. And once he was sure Ren wouldn't fall, he grabbed the futon and covers from the closet. He had to admit, the smell of the fabrics was nice. Ren's scent was nice. 

What was he thinking!? In a panic, he got the futon ready for Ren in record time. Even he was impressed with how fast he did it. Then he reached out to help Ren while avoiding eye contact. He couldn't look him in the eye after thinking such a thing. “Just… Lay down.” 

“We aren't changing my clothes?” Ren didn't even wait for a response before tugging at his obi.

“N-no, you'll be fine like this!” To stop him, Yusuke grabbed Ren's hands and pulled them away from his clothes. 

“If you say so~” he chuckled, and before Yusuke had time to react, he circled his arms around the kitsune's waist and pulled him down into bed with him. “You must be tired… Let's sleep like this.” 

Yusuke was definitely going to die. Ren's warmth and scent surrounded him, and when he tried to wiggle away, Ren held him even tighter. At any moment, his heart would give up and just stop beating. That, or it would somehow pound its way out of his chest. “We shouldn't… Please l-let me go! I need to wash the dishes!”

“Acting like my wife again…” He paused to yawn. “The dishes can wait until tomorrow morning…” Suddenly, Ren closed his eyes and his breathing evened out. In just a matter of seconds, he'd fallen asleep while holding Yusuke.

While Ren was peacefully asleep, Yusuke was going through a crisis. Their bodies were too close, and he had no way of escaping Ren's arms. He tried to wiggle away, but in response, Ren held him tighter. Sure, the warmth was pleasant, but there was no way he could fall asleep like this. At least Ren was knocked out cold and wouldn't hear Yusuke's racing heartbeat nor see how red his face was. Right now, he felt those anxious butterflies inside his stomach he'd heard about long ago. 

As he laid in silence, he was forced to face his feelings. As he slowly put the puzzle pieces, the idea of being in love with Ren didn't sound so crazy anymore. Love seemed like the perfect label to describe what he felt for the young man at his side. It was hard to pinpoint when the feeling of friendship evolved into love, since from the beginning he hadn't been sure about the whole “friends” thing, but somewhere along the way, the affection and care he held for Ren turned romantic. Because friends didn't look forward to coming home to each other after a long day and eating dinner together, right? Like Ren's coworkers had said, that was mostly a thing between couples, right? 

The more he thought about it, the clearer things became. He was in love with Ren. He wanted to stay by Ren's side forever. 

Hesitantly, he wrapped his arms around Ren and nuzzled his nose against his chest. He was still nervous sleeping in the same bed, but a little indulging wouldn't hurt… For now, he could pretend things were perfectly normal until the sun rose and Ren woke up.

For now, he could act like Ren's wife.

The next morning, Yusuke woke up abruptly, and a bit confused. Ren was moving around too much and had disturbed his sleep. Covering his mouth to yawn, he pushed himself to a sitting position and opened his eyes. It was still dark, but thanks to his yokai nature, he could perfectly see in the dark and make out Ren’s pale, panicked face. He looked like he’d seen a ghost. Immediately, his brows furrowed with worry. “Ren-san? Is everything okay?”

Ren jerked back and bowed as deeply as he could, making Yusuke even more confused. “Please forgive me, Yusuke-san! I didn’t know what I was doing! I-I know that is no excuse, my actions are unforgivable, but I truly didn’t mean to!”

The crease between Yusuke's brows deepened. He truly didn't understand what Ren had done that was so terrible that made him apologize on his hands and knees. Sure, he'd gotten drunk, which had been inconvenient, but that wasn't some sort of unforgivable sin like Ren was making it out to be. “Ren-san, I don't-” Then, his stomach dropped. 

Could it be that Ren was regretting his love confession? Could it be that the alcohol made him say things he didn't mean? Of course that was it. It was obvious a drunk man's words couldn't be trusted, and yet… Yusuke had been dumb enough to believe and delude himself into thinking they could be happy together. He’d faced his feelings and accepted them, only to get smacked in the face with reality. Besides, it's not like a relationship between a human and a yokai would ever work out.

“You… You truly didn't mean it?” He asked, clutching the fabric of his kimono that threatened to fall off his shoulders. It was hard to tell if he felt so cold because of the weather or because of the shock. 

“Of course not.” Ren raised his head and looked straight into Yusuke's eyes. Somehow, he looked bewildered at the question. As if Yusuke was crazy for asking that. “I never meant to take advantage of you!” 

Wait, what?

“Wait a second, Ren-san. Take advantage of me? What are you talking about?”

“I remember bits and pieces… I got drunk, and you helped me get to bed, but I pushed Yusuke-san down and, and…” He pinched the bridge of his nose as he tried to remember the rest of the night, but only managed to scrunch his face in pain. Surely the alcohol gave him a headache. “Then I woke up with half my clothes off… And Yusuke-san’s kimono was almost open.” 

Yusuke blinked slowly. So that was Ren's version of events, huh… He was very, very wrong. Clearing his throat, Yusuke grabbed Ren's attention. “I must inform you that did not happen…” 

“What?” 

“You see…” he trailed off. His cheeks were burning. How was he supposed to retell last night's events with a straight face? “Last night, while we were chatting, you mentioned a conversation you had at work and went on to say I… Acted like your wife.” Pausing, he looked down at his lap. Looking at Ren was too much at the moment. “You wouldn't drop the subject, saying you would be a good husband and that you love me. Then, I brought you to bed and yes, you did drag me down, but you fell asleep almost instantly. Nothing happened between us.”

Silence.

“Did you mean that? Do you love me?” It was embarrassing, but he had to make sure. 

Surely it was a lot to take in for Ren, who didn't remember much, yet the stretching silence was killing Yusuke. His ears were pressed flat against his head and his tails anxiously swayed back and forth. Perhaps the easiest way to find out the answer was to look into Ren’s eyes, but he was too embarrassed to look up and see for himself what kind of reaction Ren had. All he could do was wait. 

The wait felt like an eternity, but eventually, Ren moved closer and grabbed Yusuke's hands. “I meant it. I'm sorry you found out like that…”

In the blink of an eye, Yusuke tackled Ren. They fell into bed, Yusuke on top of Ren. The kitsune hid his burning face in Ren's chest, pressing his ears close to hear the man's strong heartbeat. All the previous insecurities and anxieties cleared up like the sky after the rain. His heart was full of love and happiness, so much that Yusuke feared it might burst at any second and all his emotions would spill. 

“I love you too,” he whispered. 

Ren's body went rigid under him for a moment, like he didn't believe his ears. Yusuke could hear the way his heart rate picked up. It made him giddy knowing he was the reason for it.

“Can I… Can I kiss you?”

Yusuke blushed at the straightforward question. Wasn't it too fast? Humans lived such fast-paced lives. He had never kissed anyone. If he said yes, it would be his first kiss… He wanted his first kiss to be with Ren. There was no one else he wanted to do it with. Only Ren. Getting his heart ready, Yusuke pressed his hands flat against Ren's chest and lifted his head. He looked into Ren's eyes and nodded, too shy to use his words. 

Closing his eyes, Yusuke braced himself. His own heartbeat echoed in his ears like a steady drum. Anticipation made his stomach flip. When Ren's warm hands cupped his cheeks, a shiver ran down his spine. He could feel Ren's warm breath against his skin. And when their lips met, the world stopped.

It was chaste and inexperienced. Neither moved nor tried to deepen the kiss. The innocent touch was more than enough for their first kiss. Right now, Yusuke felt like he was floating. Floating and surrounded by Ren's warmth. It was beyond perfect. He wanted this moment to last forever so they would never part. Sadly, that wasn't possible. In just a few seconds, Ren pulled away with a shaky breath and Yusuke opened his eyes, getting the perfect view of Ren's blushing face. They stared at each other for a minute or two before kissing again with much less grace. Their teeth knocked at the start, but that didn't matter. Instead, they clung to each other with desperation, like it hurt to be apart.

Ren let go of his cheeks and grabbed his waist, swiftly changing their positions so he would be on top. Yusuke gasped, and Ren took the opportunity to slide his tongue into the kitsune's mouth. He traced the yokai’s sharp fangs with his tongue, humming in delight. 

“Wait-” Ren silenced him with a kiss. “Ren- we have- we have to stop.” It's not like he wanted to stop. Ren's lips were addicting, but they couldn't neglect their duties. If they kept going, there would be no going back, and Yusuke would rather fully enjoy it than worry about making it quick. 

“Yusuke…” Ren groaned, but pulled himself away with sad eyes.

“We, uh, we can continue later… There's no need to rush…”

“I guess you're right…” He cupped Yusuke's cheek once again, and Yusuke leaned into his touch, brushing Ren's palm with his lips. “Yusuke, marry me.”

“Eh?” His eyes widened, and he froze. Too fast! 

“We love each other, right? I can't beat the thought of being away from you, so, please marry me.”

“But, we can't-”

“I know, but we don't need a ceremony… Let's do it right now, let's make an oath. What better place than our home?”

An oath to spend their lives together… It definitely was too fast; they had just confessed their true feelings, yet Yusuke didn’t oppose it. He was acting impulsively, he knew that. When it came to Ren, all rational thought was out the window. But there was no one else he’d rather be with. He wanted to be with Ren for eternity.

“... I understand. Let’s get married.”

There were no witnesses or flowers, there was no proper ceremony that bound them together or rehearsal of vows. It was just them, sitting on Ren’s messy bed, yet it was perfect. They exchanged sweet whispers, sometimes stumbling over their words as they came up with an oath on the spot. Only the first rays of the morning sun accompanied them in such an important moment of their lives, and Yusuke wouldn’t have it any other way. 

The oath was sealed with a kiss. They were now husband and wife.

Beside Ren, the years passed in the blink of an eye. Every day was filled with smiles, kisses and loving touches. Yusuke couldn't ask for more. Inari approved their relationship and supported Yusuke's decision, with the condition to not neglect his duties, which he never did. The village put the pieces together at their own pace and gave them knowing smiles. Sakura-san said he was happy Yusuke finally let someone in, to which the kitsune agreed. Opening his heart to Ren had been the best decision he ever made. 

Together, they tended the plants and vegetables that Ren planted. Together, they slept in the nest Yusuke built. Every second of free time was spent together, with Ren admiring Yusuke's art. The kitsune had come a long way, from doodling with charcoal to mastering ink and different pigments. Thanks to Ren, both his life and art gained color.

But time slipped through their fingers. 

As the years went by, wrinkles and dark spots caused by working outdoors showed up on Ren's face. Then, his black hair turned salt and pepper, and later it became fully white. His energy decreased, and body aches became more frequent. Human lives went by so fast…

But Yusuke stayed the same, barely aging a single day.

Through it all, Yusuke never missed the opportunity to remind Ren he was the most handsome man he'd ever seen, wrinkles and all. He kissed Ren's crows feet and smile lines; the proof of a happy life. He held his rough hands; testimonies of his hand work. And put more blankets in the nest so Ren would never be cold. 

“My Yusuke.” Ren's voice was weak. His time was running out. “Don't cry… Smiling suits you far better.” 

Kneeling beside the bed, Yusuke shook his head as he clutched Ren's thin hand. How could he not cry at a time like this? He understood this was the natural course of life, but he couldn't accept it. Ren had lived a long life, something not every human could experience, but it wasn't enough. It would never be enough compared to a yokai's long life. “Don't… Don't waste your energy.” 

“But I want to talk to you.” 

A human lifespan would never be enough.

“Thank you, for saving me that day all those years ago… You gave me a life worth living for, showed me love, and made me the happiest man in this world. My only regret is that I have to leave you.” He squeezed Yusuke's hand, though he barely had the strength to do it. The light in his eyes was dimming with each second. 

“Ren, please-”

“My soul will eternally be yours, my love…” With a shaky breath, he closed his eyes to never open them again.

…

A piercing wail cut through the silence of the home that once was full of warmth and laughter.

Chapter Text

When Ren passed, Yusuke gained his third tail. It was a cruel joke he tried to ignore by shutting himself indoors. Was this pain necessary to earn his third tail? If that was the case, then he didn't want it.

Futaba, the daughter of Sakura-san, handled the funeral arrangements. She was old and wrinkled, yet carried that weight on her shoulders as her way of helping the grief-stricken widow. Yusuke gave his input on where Ren should be laid to rest, but aside from that, he stayed away from planning the funeral. Instead, he remained by the corpse's side until it was time for the burial. Then, with all the love and care in the world, he dressed his late-husband in the most beautiful kimono he had owned, and kissed him goodbye one last time as tears ran down his pale cheeks and fell on top of Ren’s hollow ones. 

The day of the funeral was beautiful, with clear skies and a gentle sun, but none of that mattered to Yusuke. If he wasn’t weeping, he was numb. When Ren’s humble casket was lowered into the ground near the shrine, part of Yusuke’s heart went with him. Part of him wanted to throw himself on top of the casket so it wouldn’t be buried, because once it was, he would never get to see Ren again, and he would have to make peace with the fact he was truly gone, but the other part was too tired and could only watch through blurry eyes. The pain of grief was crushing him, shattering his soul and scattering the pieces, which he would have to put together by himself one day. 

In a blur, Ren's casket had been covered with dirt, and Yusuke crumbled. He fell to his knees and began to weep over the fresh soil. How could this be happening? In an act of desperation, he tried to dig with his bare hands, but was quickly pulled away and lifted back onto his feet by a group of people. They all looked at him with pity. Yusuke hated it. He didn’t want anyone’s pity.

Being forcibly held back was humiliating, though he understood why it was happening. To be honest, if it weren't for the hands holding him back, he would've fallen to the ground once again when Futaba placed a white flower on top of the grave.

The people who attended the funeral silently paid their respects and kept him company, but as time went by, they left one by one. Futaba was one of the first to leave; her old body was tired and couldn't stand for long periods of time. Same for the remaining close friends of Ren; they were old and had experienced many losses, so they left soon with a heavy heart. 

The sun began to set on the horizon, and only Yusuke remained at the burial, looking at the patch of fresh dirt with unfocused eyes. “I love you… I will always love you,” he mumbled. He'd run out of tears to cry for the day. 

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he could sense Inari trying to soothe him, but it didn't really help. While Inari had good intentions, they couldn't understand his pain, so he shut the deity out.

“At that moment, I didn't get to thank you for changing my life, too. You were my first… Everything. I don't think I ever told you, but you were my first friend ever.” He paused to wipe his tears and sniffle. “Before you, I didn't let anyone near. I saw no point in making friends with such frail creatures… It hurts, it hurts so much, but it was all worth it. It hurts, but I will never regret loving you, my dear husband.” The word ‘ husband ’ brought a wobbly smile to his lips. 

Maybe they had jumped into marriage too fast — barely a few minutes after their first kiss — but it had been the best decision of Yusuke's life. Even if it could be classified as an impulse because of the heat of the moment. 

Sitting on the ground, he continued, “Before you, my life was very monotonous… Do you remember the time you asked me if I would remember you once time passed? You didn't let me answer, but my answer was ‘yes’. We had known each other for such a short time, but you had already left a deep mark on my soul.” Another sniffle. “And what about that time I made you pose for a painting… Do you remember? I always felt bad for making you stand still for so long, you know. Hopefully, the massage I gave you after helped with your back pain...”

Yusuke rambled for hours, remembering a lifetime worth of memories through tears and broken laughs. He didn't want to leave Ren's side, even when the sky turned dark and fireflies gathered near the burial. But eventually, the exhaustion won, and he decided to go back home. Ren wouldn’t want him to spend the night at his burial site, and the last thing he wanted was to upset Ren’s soul.

His shaky legs could barely support his weight, yet somehow, he made it home after what felt like hours of walking. The place was dark, cold, and silent. A painful reminder of what he'd lost. Much to Ren's disliking, he skipped dinner. Right now, his stomach couldn't hold down anything, and he didn't have the energy to cook. Instead, he dragged himself to their bedroom, grabbed all of Ren's clothes from the closet and threw them on top of his nest before laying down.

Ren's scent still clung to the fabric, despite him not wearing any of these pieces during his final days. Yusuke buried his nose into the fabric and clutched it, breaking down once again. In the privacy of his home, he allowed himself to wail, hiccup, and scream in pain. There was no one around who could judge him or look at him with pity, so he let his emotions flow.

Why? Why did Ren have to go? It wasn't fair. They had made an oath to spend their lives together, but Ren had left him alone all too soon. For the first time in decades, his nest was cold. Ren, who always ran hot, had been his personal heater, and now he was gone. No matter how many clothes he piled up next to him, it couldn't replace his husband's human warmth.

Curling into a ball, Yusuke tried to warm himself up, but when his new third tail brushed against his skin, he lost it. Blinded by rage and grief, he grabbed the soft appendage and began tugging at it — trying to rip it off from his body so he wouldn't have to live with the reminder of Ren's death. It hurt, but not more than the heartbreak of losing his husband. He shrieked in pain. His body was begging him to stop, but he didn't. He pulled clumps of fur, scratched his skin until it was raw, yet the tail was still attached to his body.

Oh, what he wouldn't give to turn back time and get one more day beside Ren.

Shaking and sobbing, he fell asleep.

It was a summer afternoon. The loud song of the cicadas served as background noise as Yusuke sat on the engawa of their home. Not long ago, Ren had come home with a wide smile, saying a merchant with great deals had stopped by the village, so he'd taken the opportunity to buy Yusuke a set of paints. They were far more professional than what Yusuke was used to. Art was just a little hobby, yet Ren kept encouraging to continue painting. Their walls were filled with art because of it. 

Yusuke found it embarrassing, and a bit egotistical, but Ren wouldn't let him take the paintings down. 

“I like spoiling my wife! Is that a crime?” he said, and it was impossible for Yusuke to get upset at him for spending their money so carelessly. Well, he could never stay upset at Ren for long. “Why don't you try them out? I wanna see what kind of picture you come up with now that you can use so many more colors.”

“Okay… I'll make something just for you.”

“Thanks for indulging me. I'm so lucky~” Ren stole a quick kiss with a sly smile. Yusuke couldn't help but blush at his husband's flirty behavior. Even though they had been married for a while, Yusuke still felt shy from time to time. Was this a never-ending honeymoon phase? Well, whatever it was the reason, Yusuke didn't mind it. What a beautiful thing it was, feeling so in love despite the passage of time.

Yusuke had gathered his materials — brushes, a homemade canvas, and some water — and sat down at the engawa. The spring breeze was pleasant. Meanwhile, he could hear Ren walking around their home. If he had to guess, his husband was preparing a teapot and some kind of snack before joining him at the engawa to relax after a day of hard work.

The brush strokes smoothly flowed across the canvas. Slowly, the sketch of a picture of their backyard was coming to life. Ren always worked so hard on it, tending to the flowers and vegetables, so it seemed fitting to paint the landscape for him. 

Sticking the tip of his tongue out, he concentrated on his craft. He quickly shut off the world around him. He could no longer hear Ren in the background or the cicadas, but that was okay. It wasn’t unusual for him to get lost in his work and ignore the world around him. More than once had Ren shaken his shoulders to snap him out of his trance once it was late and dinner was served, and getting cold while Yusuke painted. If something happened, Ren would be there to pull him back to the present, so he continued painting. 

The new paints were incredibly vibrant. As he laid down the flat colors, he couldn’t hide his smile. The pigment made the picture look even more lively. Ren would love it.

Time did not seem to exist as he kept building up the colors and adding detail. He kept making great progress, reaching results that would take him more than one afternoon, yet the sun hadn’t moved in the sky, and he didn’t feel tired in the slightest. His back didn’t feel stiff, nor did his eyes feel tired after staring at his reference for long periods of time. Perhaps he was getting better and faster at painting? 

He would have to thank Ren for always encouraging him to get better. A kiss wouldn’t suffice… Maybe he could do something for him in bed? Just thinking about it made his cheeks grow warm and his two tails wag. It was not the time to think about those things! He chastised himself and shook his head to clear his mind of dirty thoughts. 

Taking a deep breath, Yusuke went back to his painting, but what he saw wasn’t the beautiful landscape of their backyard depicted with lively colors. Instead, his canvas was dripping black ink, staining both his hands and clothes. When he looked up in a panic, the landscape Ren loved was dry and wilting. It was late at night and there was no moon to cut through the darkness, and all the lights of their home were off. Had Ren gone to sleep already? That couldn’t be it. His husband wouldn’t have gone to bed without letting Yusuke know.

Yusuke scrambled to get up. It was getting hard to breathe. He was suffocating. 

“Ren…?” he called out, but got no response. Something was very, very wrong. “Ren!” Although he wanted to run, his feet moved slowly. For some reason, his eyes weren’t adjusting to the deep darkness, so he had to walk mostly blind. 

First, he checked the kitchen, the last place he had heard Ren moving around. It was empty. Next, he checked the bathroom in case his husband was soaking in the hot water. It was empty. Then he made his way towards their bedroom. Along the way, he almost tripped and fell, but managed to catch himself before it was too late. There was a dim light coming from inside the bedroom. Just catching a glimpse of it made Yusuke’s chest feel lighter. Ren was home.

“Ren!” he called out again as he grabbed the handle of the sliding door. Their home was old, so he didn’t slam it open despite wanting to do so. Inside, Ren was lying awake in their nest. Filled with relief, Yusuke jumped into the nest, circling his arms around Ren’s warm body. “I was so worried!”

“Y-Yusuke? What happened? Are you okay!?” 

Yusuke nodded. Now that he was with Ren, everything was alright. His fears melted away as he nuzzled the crook of his husband’s neck and replied, “I thought you were gone… You scared me.”

Ren chuckled as he wrapped his arms around Yusuke. “My wife… Have you forgotten? I am gone.”

What?

When Yusuke pulled away, he wasn’t met with the sight of his joking husband. Instead, he came face to face with a skeleton. His stomach churned and the hairs on his neck stood up. The bones were cold and quickly became ash, slipping right through the cracks of his fingers. The sight made him want to throw up.

A scream — his own scream — made him snap out of his horror. It was bright outside and Yusuke laid in his cold nest, surrounded by Ren’s comforting scent. Cold sweat and tears ran down his skin, and his chest rose and plunged while he tried to catch his breath.

It was a nightmare. Ren was dead, and he’d had a nightmare.

For a moment, as he slept, he had forgotten Ren’s passing, and his brain had chosen the cruelest way possible of reminding him. A sob wracked through his body, then another, and in a matter of seconds he found himself wailing like a wounded animal once again. It hurt, it hurt so much, and the cold nest only made the pain worse. He’d gotten a chance to see Ren again, but why had it been such a cruel dream? Why couldn’t it be a pleasant dream? He just wanted to see his husband healthy again. Was that a sin that deserved such a painful punishment? 

It was improper for a messenger of the gods, yet he didn’t care. Gritting his teeth, he cursed at the skies for taking away his beloved.

All he wanted was to have his husband back.

The sun rose and set countless times. Trees grew and lost their leaves. People died and people were born. 

Time waited for no one. Life went on.

The house Ren had restored with so much love and work became a victim to time and nature. With no one to care for them, the plants became overgrown, found their way through the cracks, and wrapped themselves around the wooden planks. And where the plants hadn't found a home, the wood rotted and splintered. Many moons ago, an earthquake shattered the windows, allowing rain, dirt, and different small creatures to enter the shell of the former home. It was a miracle the house was still standing after so many years and so many natural disasters. 

And through it all, Yusuke stayed, clinging to the memories of what his home once was. He became a ghost, haunting the halls with his tears.

The yokai barely ate or drank water. He no longer took care of his appearance. His hair was long and had stubborn knots. His once soft and shiny tails were greasy. And he had deep eye bags, proof of many sleepless nights. 

At first, he spent his days sleeping, desperately hoping to see his husband in his dreams, but every time it happened, the pleasant dreams twisted into nightmares. So why sleep if Ren would be there to haunt and torture him? It's not like he felt rested after the nightmares, so he stopped sleeping. The only time he rested was when he passed out. 

If Ren were to see him, it would pain him to see his wife so deep in depression… But Ren was gone. 

Yusuke was all alone in the world. 

Many years ago, when Ren was still a young man, he had brought up the topic of children. Yusuke replied sincerely, stating he wasn't ready, and that was the end of that. Ren respected his wishes and never brought the topic up again. It had been for the best. Yusuke couldn't take care of himself, much less of a child. 

As he wallowed in grief, he had completely withdrawn from the village. 

When was the last time Yusuke had left the house? He didn't remember. He had abandoned his duties as shrine guardian, and Inari had long ago stopped asking him to go back to the shrine. Though, the deity hadn't abandoned him. There were times he could still feel their presence in the back of his mind or their gentle hands on his shoulders, but they no longer communicated. There were times Yusuke wondered what was of the shrine. Had the Inari called one of the villagers to step up as maiden or priest? Or had Inari gotten another kitsune to fulfil his role? He didn't know or cared enough to find out. He could only hope the shrine hadn't been abandoned. 

The only activity Yusuke engaged in was art. It was the only outlet for his feelings, as he had run out of tears to cry a long time ago. At first, he painted landscapes and animals — what he was used to painting — then, he stepped out of his comfort zone by simply putting his feelings into a paper on canvas. The paintings didn't look like anything from this world, but perfectly represented his sadness. 

The next step out of his comfort zone had been making a portrait. A portrait of Ren. He didn't like the first one, so he'd made another, then another, and then many more. It was his way of keeping Ren's face fresh in his memory. The moment he had started to forget his features, he'd been horrified and pulled at his hair, cursing at himself for being a terrible lover. If he didn't remember Ren, then who would? Letting his memory fade away would be Ren's second death, which he wouldn't allow, not if he could prevent it.

From the little information he had about the outside world, he knew villagers spread his story. He'd heard a few kids who had gotten too close to the crumbling home talk about the ghost painter that lived inside, and honestly, he couldn't be mad at them because that was exactly what he was. A ghost who sometimes, when another piece of the roof collapsed, placed his own artwork outside the house — not to show off, of course, but because he was running out of storage space. 

It wasn't a good life, but Yusuke had gotten used to it. Before Ren, he'd been a lonely creature, and it seemed fitting to return to the comfort of loneliness now that he was gone. 

But one spring day, he heard footsteps approach the house. He didn't recognize the steps, though he guessed not many people he knew were still alive. Unexpectedly, the footsteps only grew louder. Whoever it was, decided to ignore the obvious danger the crumbling house was and didn't stop outside like other villagers and instead stepped inside. 

Panic curled around Yusuke's gut. What was he supposed to do? Face the visitor and tell them to get lost? Hide and hope the visitor would leave once they realized the house was dangerous? But what if it wasn't an ambitious person who wanted to own the land? While stories circled about him, Yusuke wouldn't rule out the possibility of a mortal who was new around the village and didn't know the house was actually occupied. 

Nothing was more important than protecting the home Ren left for him.

Steeling himself, Yusuke walked out of his hiding place and towards the front door. If he didn't manage to speak reason into the stranger's head, then at least his looks would scare them off. “Who goes there?” His voice was hoarse. It had been a long time since he had used it. 

Yusuke was expecting to find a youngster who wanted to tear down the house to build something new, or perhaps a kid had gotten too curious for their own good. But what he found was none of that. Instead, he found an adult man examining his paintings. The man didn't look intimidating. Quite the contrary. His long hair was completely gray, and his thin build told Yusuke he wouldn't be a threat. 

“Gods above!” The man took a step back and almost dropped the painting in his hands. His face was pale, as if he'd seen a ghost. “Please forgive me, kitsune-san! I didn't know you guarded this home!” 

“I don't just guard it. This is my home.” He took a step forward, and the man took a step backwards. The man visibly gulped and slowly placed the painting against the wall without breaking eye contact with the yokai, but Yusuke didn't care about that in the slightest. “Why are you here?”

“I…” The man's eyes darted around the place. “I heard rumors! Rumors of brilliant paintings showing up around the area, so I came from far away to check it out! I-I’m an artist, and wanted to see for myself if the rumors were true, and if the paintings were truly as amazing as they said.”

So he wasn't planning on taking away Yusuke's home. Good. 

“A-are you the artist behind these paintings, kitsune-san?”

“Does it matter? Please leave this place immediately.” He didn't understand the point of the question. All he cared about was his home. “It's dangerous here.” 

The man slowly walked backwards until he crossed the entrance. The harsh sunlight made Yusuke squint, but he refused to retreat into the dark without seeing the man leave first. He wouldn’t feel safe until the stranger left the surrounding area. 

Holding his empty hands up, the man continued talking, “You're very skilled! From just a quick glance, I can tell you could become a famous artist if you keep honing your craft. Your brush work is something else. I've never seen something quite like that in all my years of being an artist.” 

Why did the man keep talking about his paintings? Yusuke didn't want money or fame. In fact, he'd never wanted for word to spread about his art. Though it would be a lie if he said a tiny part of him didn't feel flattered by the stranger's words. Since he'd never displayed his art for wide audiences, not many had ever commented on his work, praising him and telling him he could make a career out of it. Not that it would be possible, though. He lacked the ambition needed to go out into the world and work hard to make a name for himself.

For so long he had devoted himself to his shrine work that he never even entertained the idea of doing something else with his life.

“Sir, I won't repeat myself. Please leave.” 

“Sorry, sorry, I just got excited… You see, I'm an artist too. The name is Madarame Ichiryusai!” 

Yusuke deadpanned. The name didn't ring any bells. Catching on to his disinterest, the man defeated and turned away, finally walking away and leaving Yusuke alone. What a strange human. Before retreating inside the house, Yusuke closed the door and hoped no other mortal would ever dare to step inside again. Not only would they disturb him, but would also put themselves at risk by stepping inside. Despite his apathy towards the outside world, he didn't want anyone getting hurt.

Yusuke's solitude and peace didn't last, not even a single day. 

The next morning, he heard footsteps again — the same footsteps as before. Humans were such stubborn creatures. No matter how many times they fell, they never stopped getting up. Humans always found a way to persevere. It was part of their ephemeral nature. They could not stop moving forward because they didn't have the time to stop, sit down and stare at their wounds, unless they wanted to get left behind by their peers. Such a fast-paced existence seemed draining to someone like Yusuke. 

With a sigh, Yusuke got up, abandoning his current painting, and dragged his feet towards the entrance. Now that he knew who it was, he didn't feel the same panic and urgency as before.

This time, Madarame wasn't inspecting his paintings. Instead, he sat on what remained of the entrance with paper on his lap, making complicated sketches Yusuke couldn't quite decipher. At his side there was a bottle of what Yusuke assumed was tea, and two bento boxes. He had made himself home, ignoring Yusuke's wishes. 

“Madarame-san, I told you this place is dangerous,” he mumbled. “It would be in your best interest to leave.”

Startled, Madarame dropped his pencil and looked up at the looming yokai. He didn’t look scared like the other day, just caught off guard. “S-sorry, kitsune-san… My craving for art led me back here. I couldn’t stop thinking about your incredible paintings all night!” Yusuke didn’t know how to feel. Had he grown so unused to human interaction that a simple compliment was enough to make him uneasy? “Uh… I a-also brought some food! An offering if you may,” Madarame added, picking up one of the bento boxes. 

Out of basic respect, Yusuke took the bento box into his hands. He didn’t feel hungry, but when was the last time he had eaten something other than flavorless broth? Maybe he could take a bite or two to show his appreciation. “Thank you, but I doubt any art is worth putting yourself at risk.” 

“Nothing is ever too much in the path of an artist,” he chuckled, picking up his pencil again and resuming his scribbling. “As an artist, you must never stop chasing the things that spark your inspiration. Keeping the creative flame alive is the most important thing for me…”

Yusuke stared, impressed by Madarame’s conviction. Such philosophy wasn’t for the weak spirited. Hesitantly, he backed away to the end of the hall and sat down there to eat at least a little. All while keeping an eye on the man. For someone his age, Madarame seemed quite fearless.

For the following two weeks, Madarame would visit in the morning, offer him food — which sometimes he ate, and sometimes didn’t — praise his art, though he stopped once he noticed Yusuke’s lack of reaction, talked about his life as an artist, sharing tales of his travels in search of inspiration and the people he took as pupils. Though, he mentioned how he didn’t have students at the moment, because they had been too weak to follow the lifestyle of a humble artist. It seemed most people sought out his knowledge in hopes of becoming rich and famous, instead of doing it out of love for the craft. Such wicked intentions were disgusting, and Madarame couldn’t stand having that kind of person around.

“Many think being an artist means luxury, but that is far from the truth. Being an artist means devoting yourself to the craft, even when chasing a certain picture might not be profitable…” Madarame once told him, and it resonated deep within Yusuke. 

The life Madarame described reminded him of his days at the shrine, where he cast away all material desires in order to serve his master. During those days, he didn’t need food, warmth or recognition from anyone to be happy.

By the second week, Yusuke grew used to the routine and began sharing bits and pieces about himself, like his name. He also shared his brush techniques and recipes for making his own pigments with what he had around. By then, Madarame was also more comfortable around him, so he asked a question. “Kitagawa-san, who is the man you keep painting over and over again?”

The air was knocked out of Yusuke's lungs. “He's… someone very dear to me,” he replied, dropping his gaze and clenching his jaw. Talking about it was painful. “He saw potential in me and encouraged me to continue painting.” Madarame nodded and gave him a sympathetic look before reassuring him he didn’t need to speak about things that pained him. 

“Everyone has things they would rather not talk about. It's okay. Don't force yourself,” he said with a soft smile.

After so many years in solitude, having someone show him such kindness felt… Good. It was as if the gentle sun rays finally reached him after a never ending storm. Sitting down and talking with Madarame, someone who shared his values and interests, reminded him there was a whole world out there. Having someone to talk to didn't magically make the grief disappear, but it did make it more bearable. While Madarame was around, Yusuke could allow himself to stop hurting for a little while, and when Madarame left for the day, his soul felt a little lighter. 

Madarame was good company, and by the end of the third week, he began painting with Madarame around. The man's eyes lit up as he watched, and with Yusuke's permission, began giving him pointers to improve in the areas he lacked. Yusuke didn't know about technicalities, so he soaked up the knowledge in composition, color theory and optimization of his workflow like a sponge.

“You know, Kitagawa-san, you're incredibly talented,” Madarame said one day. Yusuke lowered his brush and tilted his head, silently telling him to continue. “I can see a bright future ahead of you if you decide to follow the path of art, and I would love to be the one to guide you through it.”

Biting his lips, Yusuke lowered his brush and looked away. He appreciated Madarame's praise. It meant a lot since the man was so knowledgeable, but… “I do not wish to put myself out there. While I do wish to keep painting and improving, I also wish for a tranquil life, and I don't know if that would be possible to achieve if I walked down that path.”

“... I see. Sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

“Oh, n-not at all! No need to apologize!”

Once Madarame left a few hours later, Yusuke kept thinking about his subtle proposal. Being under his tutelage would certainly be good, but he didn't want to become known and, more importantly, he didn't want to leave his home behind. How could he ever leave the house Ren had restored just for them? Wouldn't it be heartless of him to walk away from the place that held so many memories? Although the house had seen better days, it still was the place he had found happiness in. Besides, if he left, it would surely be torn down, as the structure was beyond repair…

The next morning, when Yusuke went to greet Madarame, he noticed how the man wasn't sitting and drawing as usual. He wasn't even drinking tea and basking in the morning sun like he had done a few times.

“Madarame-san…?” 

“Good morning, Kitagawa-san! Today I wanted to do something a little… different. Will you come with me? I assure you it won't be long. There's something I want to show you,” he explained, stepping to the side of the front door so the route was clear. 

Yusuke stood frozen in the shadows of his home. He was a mess. He couldn't go outside in his current state, it would gather too much attention. “I-I'm sorry I can't. I'm not presentable enough to be outside.” 

He was too ashamed to admit he was scared, too. Time waited for no one. The world that awaited him on the other side of the door wasn't the world he had known all those years ago. Humans didn't live for long, yet they managed to change and evolve at such a fast pace. Surely, the village he knew would be unrecognizable, and it scared him. 

“Can't kitsunes change their appearance with magic? C’mon, it would mean the world to me if you came.” 

Taking a deep breath, Yusuke tried to calm down. Madarame looked hopeful, his eyes shone with excitement, so it truly was something important to him, and the excuse about his appearance hadn't worked… It felt as if he had no choice but to follow. He didn't want to disappoint the only person in his life, so swallowing his anxieties, Yusuke wielded his magic for the first time in forever and made himself look healthy and human. Since he didn't know the villagers, he decided to keep his yokai identity secret. 

With hesitant steps, he got closer to the door, but stopped before crossing the invisible line. He looked at Madarame, and the man offered his hand. It took Yusuke a moment, but he accepted the offer and grabbed it before taking a step forward. 

The sun against his skin felt so warm. It made him want to cry. It felt so good, so soothing, yet not even the sun could rival Ren's touch and warmth. Outside, the air was so much cleaner. When he inhaled, there were no traces of dust getting into his nose. The world was so… Alive. As he wallowed in his profound grief, he had forgotten how wonderful the world could be. Just how many years had it been? If Yusuke was correct in his calculations, it must have been about fifty years since he shut himself inside the house.

“Follow me.” Madarame was kind enough to walk slowly, matching Yusuke's pace on weak legs.

Out of curiosity, Yusuke looked back and felt his stomach drop once he saw the outside of the house. It was unrecognizable. If it weren't because he had spent all that time inside it, he wouldn't have believed it was the same house Ren had taken care of. 

‘Forgive me, Ren. I couldn't care for it properly…’

He was aware of how Madarame was looking at him through the corner of his eyes, but neither spoke, which Yusuke appreciated. Madarame might not understand his pain or how deeply it ran, but he was respectful and made Yusuke feel like someone cared. Despite being alone in the world, someone cared and showed empathy. Madarame might not share his pain and grief, but with all his life experience, he surely wasn't unfamiliar with it, unlike Inari, who had good intentions but could never even begin to imagine the pain his messenger experienced while on earth… 

Yusuke was so lost in his own musings, he didn't pay much attention to the village around him. The new buildings, better paths, and humanities advances went ignored. Instead, he only snapped back to reality when they entered what he assumed was an inn. Turns out Madarame wasn't lying when he said it wouldn't be a long walk. 

From the inside, he could tell the architecture humans developed had drastically changed in just half a century. Some classic elements remained, making Yusuke feel somewhat at home, but others, like the overall structure, were quite different from the houses he knew. 

“Impressed?” Madarame asked when he caught him looking around with wide eyes. 

“Indeed…” Embarrassed, he dropped his gaze to the floor. Suddenly, he felt like an inexperienced child all over again.

Chuckling, Madarame took him to his room. The privacy made Yusuke feel a little better. It made him feel less overwhelmed. “So, what is so important that you wanted to show me?” he asked, taking a look around the room. It didn't seem like Madarame had many belongings. 

With a smile, Madarame approached an object that was covered by fabric and unveiled it. Under the fabric, there was a medium-sized painting. The most beautiful painting he'd ever seen before. The picture broke down his walls and spoke directly to his soul. It told him about hope, salvation and love. It was sincere, but still held a lot of secrets Yusuke couldn't even begin to unravel. Its mysterious aura didn't take away from its soothing energy. The duality made it the more fascinating, demanding all of Yusuke's attention.

Yusuke was speechless. He could sit and stare at the painting for hours, days — millennia, even — and it just wouldn't be enough. He'd seen Madarame's sketches, but the finished product was on another level. The man's finished paintings were in a league of their own. How could someone so brilliant take an interest in an amateur like him? It didn't make sense! 

“It's… Beautiful,” he whispered.

“Thank you. I spent a lot of time perfecting it.” 

Blinking away the tears that threatened to fall, Yusuke looked away from the painting and noticed a few canvases by the side. Those were turned around, so he couldn't see the picture, but he wanted to. Yusuke didn't think twice before reaching out, but Madarame grabbed his wrist to stop him. 

“Those are still works in progress, Kitagawa-san. I don't like showing unfinished work, so please ignore them for now, okay?” 

A shiver ran down Yusuke's spine. For a brief second, Madarame had been quite scary… But he guessed it was understandable. He had mindlessly overstepped a boundary, and Madarame had reacted. It was his fault. “I’m truly sorry. I acted without thinking!” 

Madarame let go of his wrist and sighed, turning back to normal. “It's okay, Kitagawa-san. We all make mistakes.” 

Yusuke nodded and turned his attention back to the painting Madarame had chosen to share with him. Just laying his eyes upon it made him feel calm again. “May I ask why you wanted to show me this? Don't get me wrong, I'm at a loss for words… But why?” 

“Hm, you see,” he said and began pacing the room. “I wanted you to consider my offer, but soon I have to leave, so I'm running out of time here... I'm truly interested in taking you under my wing, and thought the best way to encourage you was to show you what awaits you if you walk this path with me. Last night, I thought long and hard about what you told me, and I think I have the perfect solution! This way you'll grow, but maintain anonymity!” 

“Is that so?” 

“Yes, my boy! You see, making enough paintings for an exhibition is difficult. It takes me a long time to perfect a piece, so I'm always stressing and running out of time… But that's where you can help me! We could anonymously exhibit your work alongside mine. That way, your work makes a debut while I can focus on quality, not quantity. If you accept, then we can iron out the plan, so it's fair for both parties. What do you say?” 

Yusuke's head was spinning. It was a lot to take in. First, Yusuke wasn't even aware Madarame would leave soon. The idea made him anxious. Being left behind scared him. Second, he didn't know how publishing his work anonymously would work… Was that even possible? He didn't want to doubt Madarame's word for it, it's just that he didn't know anything about the art world. And third, was he ready to follow Madarame away from the home he had shared with Ren? 

Ren had only wanted the best for him. He was the one who encouraged him, brought him new materials, and praised his art. During his final days, he'd been clear about wanting Yusuke to be happy… A wish Yusuke hadn't been able to fulfil. If Ren were here, he would want Yusuke to move forward and take the opportunity, right? 

“I… I accept.” 

Ready to move forward, Yusuke washed himself, cut his hair, and used a spell to hide his kitsune traits, and to make himself look healthy as well. A fresh start.

There weren't many things he wanted to take with him to the big city — where Madarame had his home — just a few clothes and trusty old brushes. Like Madarame had said, he had to leave a few things behind if he wanted to move forward, so that's what he did. Besides, looking through his and Ren's belongings brought back memories that made his heart ache. It was better if he left those things behind. 

‘Yusuke,’ Inari's voice sternly called out to him as he finished packing. ‘You mustn't follow that man.’  

Yusuke ignored Inari's advice. He could hear his previous master telling him to reconsider, to go back to the shrine, but he had already made his mind up. Why would he stay by a God’s side, when said God didn't look out for him? Inari had gone silent during the worst period of Yusuke's life, while Madarame had shown him kindness, hope, and a way to break away from his never ending grief. 

Without looking back, Yusuke left the crumbling house and cut ties with Inari.

He felt lighter than ever.

Getting to the big city took them about a week and a half. 

It was the first time Yusuke traveled. He took in every new sight with eyes full of wonder, completely mesmerized by the beauty of the world. He didn't mind the tight budget. He was fine staying in shady inns and sharing his already small portions of food with Madarame-sensei. His stomach was still getting used to constantly receiving food, so he could go with little food without going hungry. It was okay. Besides, Madarame-sensei kept assuring him that once they got to the big city and sold some paintings, they would have a proper meal with many side dishes. He just had to be patient. 

As they got closer to the capital, the number of people grew bigger and bigger. There were crowds everywhere. All the noise was overwhelming, especially for someone with sharp hearing like Yusuke; it put him on edge and made his headache, but he had to get used to it. This was his new life and home. 

At least, Madarame-sensei lived in a humble shack in a quiet part of town. When they arrived, Yusuke almost collapsed from exhaustion, but before he could get into bed and restore his energy, he helped make some rice porridge and cleaned his new, but dusty, room. 

“I hope you will settle and live comfortably here. I know this isn’t a luxurious life, but we can make the best of it,” Madarame said as they ate dinner. “Art is the most important thing after all, right?” 

“Indeed. There are so many things I want to paint! Our trip was eye-opening… Thank you for showing me all of this, sensei.” 

“Don't thank me. I've barely done anything so far! Tomorrow we'll discuss your next work. For now, eat and replenish your energies. I wouldn't want you passing out on me on your first day as my student, okay? I have high expectations for you, haha!” he joked, digging his elbow into Yusuke’s side.

“I won't disappoint you, sensei.”

Chapter Text

Pacing through the gallery, a sense of pride bloomed inside Yusuke’s chest. All the pieces he had worked so hard on and poured his soul into were finally on display. It was a dream come true. Soon, the exhibition would open its doors. Yusuke was anxious, yet excited. Soon, the public would see his paintings, and hopefully they would connect with his work. If his work reached and moved even just one person, that would be more than enough for Yusuke. He didn’t paint for fame or money. He did it to reach people's hearts. 

Everything was perfect. Except for one detail… None of the paintings were displayed under his name. Every single painting was under Madarame Ichiryusai’s name.

He should be happy, he told himself. He was helping the man who had saved him from himself about a year ago! This was good! But he couldn’t lie to himself. He wasn’t happy.

For the past six or so months, his dear teacher had fallen victim to a terrible art slump. Yusuke had watched how his teacher struggled to meet deadlines set by his patrons, lost sleep as he sat in front of his blank canvas, and grew frustrated each day. Seeing the man he admired so much like that had broken Yusuke’s heart, so when Madarame had come to him one desperate night, asking — begging — him to make a painting for one of his patrons, Yusuke had accepted in a heartbeat.

Not only was he helping his teacher through a slump, but he had also become the sole provider for their home. If Yusuke stopped painting, then Madarame wouldn’t have anything to sell to his patrons, and they would run out of money. Their lifestyle was already humble, they couldn’t afford to lose their little income. 

It was a selfish desire, but Yusuke wished people knew those were his paintings.

“Everything is in order, right?” Madarame came up to him from behind and placed his heavy hand on Yusuke's shoulder. “The doors are opening soon. Aren't you excited?” 

Forcing himself to smile, Yusuke nodded. “Everything is in order, sensei. I triple checked.” That earned him a laugh from Madarame. “And yes, I'm very excited… B-being able to help you is an honor.” 

“Good, good. Say, why don't we have some hot pot tonight to celebrate?” 

Immediately, Yusuke perked up. It had been a while since they'd eaten something besides plain miso soup and rice. “Really!? I would love to!”

“You deserve a reward after working so hard, my boy.” His hand moved from Yusuke's shoulder to petting his hair. “Seriously, you are of great help. You're definitely the best student I've ever had. I hope you can continue working hard.”

“Of course, sensei! Leave it to me.” 

Madarame hummed in response. “Well, I have to go. I'm expected to give a few words before the doors open. See you later, my boy.” 

“See you later, sensei.” As he watched Madarame walk away, guilt weighed down on his shoulders. How could he harbor such selfish desires when Madarame was so kind to him? The man had taken him in, expecting nothing in return for passing down his knowledge. Right now, Madarame was simply going through a rough patch, and the bare minimum Yusuke could do was support him to the best of his abilities. 

With a sigh, Yusuke rolled back his shoulders and straightened his spine. He had to look good in front of visitors. No one would want to be around a mopping man when trying to appreciate the paintings. 

Within minutes, people started flowing in, casually discussing Madarame's speech before turning their attention to the art pieces. Everyone was wearing their best clothes, their best makeup, and carried themselves with great elegance. The upper class was definitely something else. Yusuke had never seen anything like it while in the village, and he still wasn't used to the exuberant displays of wealth of the upper class, but he put his feelings aside in order to make a good impression. As Madarame's student, all of his behaviors would reflect on his teacher. He had to act pleasantly, for Madarame's sake.

Whenever someone lingered on a painting, or revisited a painting, Yusuke would approach them and start a conversation. He would explain details and some symbolisms, all under the guise of knowing because Madarame had discussed his brilliant ideas with him, his student, as a way to pass down his knowledge. If he didn't think too much about the web of lies Madarame had made him an accomplice of, then he was able to talk with excitement. 

He just had to remind himself that his goal was touching people's hearts, not recognition. 

A couple of times, Madarame came to briefly check up on him before waltzing away with a patron. Networking was important. Without connections, selling art was even more difficult. Or so Madarame had said when Yusuke asked why he spent so much time mingling with the upper class. That time, Madarame had lost a bit of his composure, and Yusuke silently swore to not question him again. Madarame knew what he was doing. He had so much more experience, while Yusuke was just a rural yokai who hadn't had social interaction for half a century. Who was he to question his teacher?

Hiding his exhaustion behind smiles, Yusuke started a conversation with a young lady. She looked like a foreigner, but spoke perfect Japanese and took over the conversation with her own interpretations of a painting. She was very passionate, though she lacked the technical language to convey her feelings about the painting properly. It was like a breath of fresh air, and Yusuke couldn't help but feel inspired. The young lady had a carefree soul. 

Their exchange was rather brief, as another young lady that took all of her attention joined her, but Yusuke appreciated it nonetheless.

Suddenly, he felt a tap on the shoulder. “Excuse me.” A male voice. “Could it be possible to arrange a meeting with the artist behind the ‘boy in red’ painting?”

When Yusuke turned around, the world stopped.

There were slight differences, like the freckles caused by working out in the sun, or the slight cut across his right eyebrow, but even with those differences, Yusuke would know him anywhere. Those dark eyes that Yusuke knew so well were the same. He would recognize him anywhere, even with just a brief look through the corner of his eyes. He would recognize his soul anywhere, no matter when or how.

It was Ren. Ren was standing before him, looking young and healthy; full of life. He was dressed much more humbly than any other visitors, sticking out like a sore thumb.

Yusuke couldn’t breathe. He wants to cry, to scream. His legs were about to give out under him. He searched for a glint of recognition — for anything — in those dark eyes he had longed to see for so many years. But there was nothing. No matter how many times he tried, there was nothing. It broke his heart. 

Of course… Ren didn’t remember anything from his past life. No matter how significant their time together had been, he didn’t remember after being reborn. Humans didn’t have the power to access the memories of their souls. Hoping his late husband would recognize him had been stupid. Right now, they were strangers, even if it pained Yusuke, who remembered it all.

“Uh… Is it possible to meet the artist?” Ren tried again after clearing his throat, snapping Yusuke back to reality. 

Swallowing hard, Yusuke quickly evaluated his options. He could arrange a meeting with Madarame, but he didn’t want to — couldn’t bring himself to do so. That would mean giving up the credit for such a special painting. If it were any other painting, Yusuke would swallow his pride and say yes with a smile. But this was a painting of the love of his life, the owner of his heart for the rest of eternity, the man who had changed his life over a hundred years ago. He couldn’t give that up. It was incredibly selfish. He was the one who accepted to publish his work under Madarame’s name, yet he wanted to backtrack. He was the worst.

“I’m sorry, sir. That won’t be possible. You see, Madarame-sensei is very busy,” he lied through gritted teeth. It’s a miracle his voice doesn’t crack, or he doesn’t begin sobbing. 

“Madarame…” Ren tried the name on his tongue. Did he come to the exhibition without knowing the artist? Yusuke didn’t want to judge, but based on Ren’s looks, how did he even get tickets for the exhibition? 

“Sorry for the inconvenience.” 

“No, no, it’s okay. I understand.” Ren waved him off with one of those easy smiles Yusuke loved. “Thanks anyway.” With that, he turned to walk away. 

Yusuke stayed rooted to the ground, despite wanting to reach out, to chase Ren and cry in his arms while babbling about how much he had missed him and suffered in his absence. Yet he did none of that. Although his heart was shattering again, deep down he knew it would be unjust to tie down Ren because of the past. A past Ren wasn’t even aware of. It hurt like hell, but he had to let Ren go.

Stopping in his tracks, Ren turned around again. “Don’t you think I look like the painting?”

“Huh?”

“Ah, n-never mind! Goodbye.”

For the rest of the day, Yusuke kept to himself, trying to stay off anyone's radar by staying in the shadows. He wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone. The simple act of not breaking down in sobs was difficult. There was chaos in mind and heart. He hadn't ever expected to run into Ren again, much less at the exhibition. What were the chances of Ren reincarnating in a place somewhat near to his past life? When he had died, Yusuke believed it would be impossible for them to meet again. The world was a vast place, after all. 

He'd been wrong, and now he knew Ren was somewhere near, living his life without knowing what had just happened. A part of Yusuke was hurt that Ren's soul hadn't recognized him, his late wife, but he quickly shut that voice up. Entraining that thought wasn't fair to Ren. 

Perhaps it was time to fully let go of him. 

“Yusuke?” Madarame called out, shaking his shoulder. “You look pale… Are you okay?” 

“Eh?” He hadn't noticed when his teacher approached. Looking around, he realized the exhibition was almost empty. Just how long had he been spaced out in the corner? “Y-yes, I'm fine. Just… tired. Sorry for making you worry.”

“I see.” He gave Yusuke's shoulder a good squeeze before taking a step back. “My boy, I'm sorry to inform you I won't be going home with you tonight. A patron invited me to their home, and you know I can't say no… So why don't you leave for the day? Go get some rest. I'll handle things here, and I'll see you tomorrow.” 

Yusuke's already broken heart broke into even more pieces. “But… What about our celebratory hot pot?” 

“I'm sorry, my boy. I'll make it up to you when my schedule isn't as busy, okay?”

Any other day, Yusuke would've nodded and said it was okay. Any other day, he would've smiled and said there was no need to apologize. It wasn't Madarame's fault. But everything was piling up. It was painful. It was overwhelming. Why couldn't he make people stay? Clenching his fists, he said, “Why do you always leave me alone?” 

Silence. 

Never before in the year he'd been under Madarame's tutelage had he dared to talk back like that.

“Excuse me?” Yusuke didn't dare to meet his teacher’s eyes. “Are you mad at me for doing my job? H-how could you, Yusuke? I told you, an artist has to make many sacrifices. Didn't Inari-sama teach you to be more humble and understanding?” His voice was full of venom, though he maintained his tone low to not make a scene.

The mention of his former master only added to the pile of hurt. His vision became blurry because of the tears he refused to shed. 

“Go home and reflect. I'll see you tomorrow.”

“Okay.” Yusuke's voice came out wobbly. He walked out of the exhibition with his head hanging low and dragged his feet through the busy streets. Even at night, the big city remained busy. Despite being surrounded by people, Yusuke felt incredibly lonely. 

That night, once he got to the old shack, Yusuke skipped dinner altogether and went straight to bed. He'd lost his appetite, and there wasn't much to eat besides rice, so it wasn't like he was missing out on much. Curling up under his only blanket, he let himself fall into a dreamless sleep. 

Although his presence wasn’t needed anymore, Yusuke still went to the exhibition the next day. Staying alone at home with his guilt and anxiety would slowly drive him insane. He needed a distraction. Last night, his emotions had gotten the best of him. He had reflected, just like his teacher had told him to, and had realized how rude and ungrateful he’d acted. There wasn’t anything he wanted more than to drop to his knees and beg Madarame for forgiveness — beg him to not throw him away like previous ungrateful students. Yusuke wasn’t like them! He was different! Madarame had simply caught him at a bad time, and he had exploded, but it wasn’t a reflection of his true nature.

Perhaps his gloomy aura and pale face scared the visitors, but it was better than losing his mind at home.

This time around, he kept to himself. He stood with his back against a wall, watching people come and go. Yusuke had believed that, since the opening day had already passed, the amount of visitors would decrease. Turned out he was wrong. He was well aware of his teacher’s fame, yet he hadn’t been able to create an accurate image in his mind. So many people flocked together just to get a glimpse of Madarame’s — Yusuke’s — work. It was crazy. Not even in his wildest dreams would the kitsune have predicted the number of attendees. 

Since the exhibition was doing well, did that mean next month they would be able to afford proper meals? If that was the case, then all the stress of Madarame’s pressure and sleepless nights would be worth it.

“You’re the guy from yesterday!” The voice he knew so well called out, completely ignoring the proper etiquette for a place full of upper-class citizens. 

Taking a deep breath, Yusuke turned to look at the man. For so many years, he’d woken up next to him. For so many years, he’d stared at his portrait. And now he was in front of him, alive and well. “How may I help you?”

“I wanted to try my luck today and see if I could talk with Madarame-san… Maybe today he has a little time to spare me?”

Ren- No. This wasn’t Ren. He had the same face and soul, but it wasn’t the Ren Yusuke had known. It was unfair to this new person to call him by the name of a dead man.

The young man hadn’t come to see him. Of course. What else did Yusuke expect?

“I’m awfully sorry, but Madarame-sensei isn’t here today…”

“Oh…” The young man played with the ends of his hair as he looked around for a moment before landing his eyes back on Yusuke. “Can I ask about that painting? Like, do you know any of the details?”

Give out details? That he could do. “Well, it’s a custom-made canvas. I would say that the size is around forty by fifty centimeters, maybe less. It mixes the use of mineral pigments and ink. In particular, the vibrant red used is vermilion red... No particular real-life model was used as a reference.” 

“Woah, you know a lot about the painting…” he trailed off. “What is your name?”

“Kitagawa Yusuke. A-and of course, I’m Madarame’s pupil and live with him. It’s only natural I would know the details.” Lying like that hurt him, but he couldn’t reveal the truth behind the entire exhibition. Not even to the young man. 

“Kitagawa-san seems like an excellent student! I would like to see your paintings, too!” The man chuckled, oblivious to the fact he was seeing Yusuke’s art at that very moment. “I’m Kurusu Akira, a humble blacksmith.”

Kurusu Akira, huh? That solidified it. Even if they had the same face, voice, and soul, he wasn’t Ren. It hurt to know Ren was truly gone, but in a way, it also comforted him. Kurusu Akira hadn’t been disowned by his family, shunned by his village, and forced to flee, walking until he passed out and almost died. His beloved Ren was resting.

“Pleased to meet you, Kurusu-san.” The name felt weird in his tongue.

“The daughter of one of my clients gave me a ticket for the exhibition… I guess neither of us could’ve guessed there would be a painting that resembled me.” So that explained how he’d gotten inside, despite being so out of place. “Isn’t it kind of weird that someone imagined my face without even knowing me?” Akira crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. He seemed like a laid-back guy. 

Humming in acknowledgement, Yusuke played along. “This world is a weird place, indeed.” Weird enough to make him cross paths with his reincarnated husband.

“May I ask how long have you been studying under Madarame-san?” 

“About a year.”

“Eh… That’s not a long time, is it?”

“You’re right, but I had some experience before meeting Madarame-sensei.”

“How did you meet?”

What was this? Some kind of interrogatory? Kurusu Akira was too curious and not reserved at all. Yusuke didn’t know how to feel about it. Having a distraction from his anxiety was nice, he supposed. But it would’ve been nicer if said distraction didn’t make his heart ache. “Madarame-sensei visited the village I used to live in. That’s where he came across my art and offered to take me under his wing… That time, he saved me. I owe him everything.”

“I see.” Akira pursed his lips. Maybe Yusuke's gloomy aura was getting to him. “He sounds like a kind man.”

“He is.” His kindness only made Yusuke feel guiltier for his actions. Madarame was giving him everything. The man was working hard for both of their sakes, yet he had allowed his emotions to take control of him and lashed out. It was unfair. He'd been unfair to his teacher. Hopefully, Madarame's kind heart would be able to forgive him for being so rude.

“But Kitagawa-san is more interesting!” Yusuke snapped his neck to look at Akira. What? “An artist who arrived from the countryside! Will he rise to fame? Or something like that, haha. Straight out of a novel, don't you think? Everyone loves an underdog story.”

Yusuke slowly blinked. He was at a loss for words. Akira had a wild imagination and a total lack of manners. Without realizing it, his shoulders began to shake, and a hearty laugh made it past his lips. Who ever said something so out of pocket to someone they just met? He tried to stop himself by placing his hand on top of his mouth, but the situation was so ridiculous that he kept laughing. At least his hand muffled the sound a little. It would be rude to laugh at his heart's content at a serious place like an exhibition. 

Akira joined with a chuckle, and it took them a moment to stop laughing. The people around them discreetly looked at them, wondering what was so funny, but the two of them didn't notice or care.

“Finally got you to smile!” Akira said while puffing out his chest. He looked oddly proud of himself. “Smiling suits you far better than a frown.” 

Yusuke's smile dropped. Hadn't Ren said almost the same exact thing in his final moments? 

Akira noticed his sudden change in mood, and his own smile disappeared. How could Yusuke separate Akira from Ren if the man in front of him echoed the words of his late husband? “Did I say something wrong…? Sorry if I overstepped.”

Swallowing the knot in his throat, Yusuke shook his head. Yusuke's troubles weren't Akira's fault. It would be unjust to dump that weight onto the man's shoulders. “No need to apologize, Kurusu-san. It's nothing. Thank you for making me laugh… I believe I need that.” 

It took Akira a second to accept and believe Yusuke's words, but in the end, he nodded. “I don't know what you might be going through, but I'm glad I could help. Even if it was just for a moment.” Yusuke hummed. “I imagine being away from home must be tough. If you ever feel lonely, you could come to my forge! I promise I'll make you laugh one way or another,” he added that last part with a chuckle. 

Why? Why was Akira so kind to him? What did he gain from it? They had introduced themselves and talked for a good while, but they still were essentially strangers. He wanted to ask, but didn't have the courage to do so. Instead, he nodded along as Akira told him where his forge was located, though he had no plan of ever visiting. It would be in their best interest if they never saw each other again… That way, Yusuke wouldn't bother Akira with unnecessary feelings or tie him down because of his past life. 

Ren had already left, so it was better if they continued their separate ways. 

“Yusuke, my boy! Where were you? I was worried!”

“Sensei.”

Madarame was waiting for him at the table. There wasn’t a hot pot for them to share, not like Yusuke deserved it, but his teacher had prepared a hearty meal for them. He’d even bothered to make extra fried tofu for his ungrateful student. Yusuke’s heart clenched. Pressing his lips into a thin line, he approached Madarame with his head hanging low. He had to apologize.

Kneeling beside his teacher, Yusuke said, “Please forgive me for the way I acted yesterday. I have reflected and realized my ungrateful attitude was completely out of place and out of proportion. Just like sensei said, you were simply doing your job, and yet I reacted inappropriately. I don’t have any excuses… Please, forgive me.” Please, don’t hate me.

“My boy…” Madarame rested a rough hand on top of Yusuke’s head, stroking and combing his soft locks. “It’s okay. I’m glad you could reflect and, hopefully, learn. Perhaps I was too harsh, too… Know that I worry about you and only want what is best for you.”

Yusuke felt so relieved he could cry. “I know, sensei. I know,” he whispered, afraid that his voice would betray him.

“Now, go wash up so we can eat before the food gets cold, okay?” The stroking stopped and Yusuke enthusiastically nodded before jumping back onto his feet. As he walked away to do just what his teacher had asked, he heard him say: “What would you do without me…?” Any human wouldn’t have heard what he said, but Yusuke wasn’t human. The comment made his stomach drop. He didn’t want to be alone.

He washed up as quickly as possible, for he didn't want his teacher to wait too long or the food to get cold. Once he finished, he joined his teacher at the table. Together, they gave their thanks for the food and began eating while chatting. Madarame told him about dinner at the patron’s home. To Yusuke, it sounded overwhelming, so he was glad Madarame handled that sort of thing. Mingling with people at fancy parties wasn’t his thing. He’d never been much of a social butterfly, and after shutting himself in for half a century, he was even less of one.

“Tell me, where did you go today? You could’ve left a note, at least…”

“Sorry… I went to the exhibition again,” he explained between bites of rice. “I got to talking with a visitor. He was very interested in one particular painting.” He omitted the part where Akira wanted to meet up with Madarame. 

“Oh? And what did you tell him?”

“I gave him some details about the materials… Nothing more.” Madarame’s shoulders relaxed as he hummed in response. “He was a friendly guy. He even invited me to his forge, because he thought I might get lonely.”

“… Will you go?” 

Another interrogation? Madarame never asked many questions, so it was strange. “I don’t think so. I’m not lonely, thanks to sensei, and it would be a distraction from my art.”

Madarame chuckled. “That is true. You have everything you need here. ”

True to his word, Yusuke didn’t visit Akira’s forge. Though that didn’t mean they never saw each other again, like Yusuke wanted. It seemed destiny had other plans in store, because whenever Yusuke went out, he somehow accidentally bumped into Akira. At one point, he believed he was being stalked. There was no way it was just one big coincidence. Sure, he’d said the world was a strange place, but this was too strange. Whenever he visited the market, Akira was there either selling some of his work or shopping, too. The man always took the chance to strike a conversation, saying he just wanted to make sure Yusuke was doing okay. Other times, they bumped into each other while out for work reasons. Akira was dropping off a patron’s order, while Yusuke had gone out for inspiration or had stopped by the exhibition.

The worst part? Yusuke liked talking to him.

Without meaning to, he found himself continuing the conversation, asking if business was good or more personal stuff, like the time he asked Akira about his health after he’d heard him sneeze. For some reason, the blacksmith had been happy to see Yusuke worry about him.

It was slow at first, but once they got to talking, friendship quickly blossomed between them. Yusuke couldn't say he liked it. It was complicated. But Akira even stopped by for the exhibition’s closing ceremony. 

“Kitagawa-san!” Yusuke turned around and saw Akira wearing a casual kimono. He didn't seem to mind looking out of place. Guess he fully embraced his status, not cowering or trying to fit in. A refreshing thought.

“Kurusu-san, good evening.” He politely bowed. “I didn't expect to see you today.”

“To be honest, I didn't expect to come either… I had to be really sneaky, but I managed to get inside without getting caught!” Akira said, as if it was the most casual thing ever and he hadn't just confessed to breaking the rules. 

“What!?” Yusuke whispered. 

Somehow, Akira had gotten past all security just for a chance to see Madarame and talk with Yusuke. Such craziness was too much for Yusuke to comprehend. Why would he put himself in danger just to attend the exhibition? It's not like it would be their only chance to talk. Sooner or later they would see each other on the street, then they would be able to talk. 

“Well, this is my chance to catch the artist behind that painting… And I thought I could perhaps help you dismantle all this stuff,” he said, looking around at all the paintings hanging on the walls. In a past conversation, Yusuke had made a comment about having to carry the canvases, and it seemed Akira had remembered. How sweet of him. 

“Still, you shouldn't have,” Yusuke sighed. “Besides, sensei already got some people that will help dismantle the exhibition. He's famous and professional.” 

“Eh… I should've guessed.” Embarrassed, he played with the ends of his hair. Reincarnation wasn't enough for him to get rid of the habit. “I got too excited by the idea of helping you and forgot common sense. Sorry about that.”

Yusuke's heart felt warm. It was wrong. He was mixing up his feelings for Ren with those for Akira, but making a clear distinction was difficult. The fact Akira seemed to care so much about him didn't help in the slightest. Every time Yusuke wanted to pull away and put an end to their friendship, Akira got closer, pushing past Yusuke's walls, never allowing him to run away. It was bad. 

Yusuke wanted to convince himself that he didn't need anything besides art and his teacher, but Akira was stubborn. Stubborn enough to sneak into the exhibition. Although he wanted to chastise him for his reckless actions, Yusuke held his tongue. 

“No need to apologize, it's the thought that counts,” he said instead. Akira smiled at those words, and Yusuke couldn't help but mirror his smile. Smiling around Akira was easy. 

“Man~ having lots of money sure sounds good… Tell me, is the estate you guys live near?”

That wasn't right at all. Lots of money? An estate? Where did Akira get those weird ideas? Frowning, Yusuke shook his head. “Madarame-sensei has neither of those things. Art isn't the most profitable of careers… Most of the money is invested in materials, and we have to scrape by with whatever else is left,” he explained, hoping it would clear up Akira's confusion. “We live a humble life at a shack in a quiet part of town, too. Nothing fancy.”

Akira furrowed his brows, giving Yusuke a weird look, but didn't say anything. 

“Did I say something weird?” Yusuke thought, tilting his head to the side. What a confusing conversation.

Thankfully, Madarame stepped in to dissipate any awkwardness between them with his speech. His voice echoed through the exhibition. The confidence in his tone demanded everyone's undivided attention without sounding harsh. It was a perfect balance of warmth and command. Looking away or ignoring him seemed impossible. His charisma made him stand out from everyone, almost as if all the lights were shining down on him. Such a perfect attitude could only be archived with years of experience. Yusuke didn't even dare to dream about achieving such a skill. 

“So that's him…” Akira mumbled at his side, reminding Yusuke how he didn't want the two to meet. Biting his lip, he could only hope Akira wouldn't try to chase Madarame down in order to talk about Yusuke's painting. 

“... Indeed.” 

“Everyone, thank you so much for taking time out of your day to visit my exhibition! Your support allows me to keep creating pieces. Without you, none of this would be possible. I'll keep working hard, and I hope I'll get to see you at my next exhibition! Again, thank you… From the bottom of my heart.” 

Yusuke waited for Akira's reaction, watching him from the corner of his eyes. The man nodded along to Madarame's speech and hummed every few words, but when it was all said and done, he turned all his attention back to Yusuke. His dark eyes seemed to light up once they were back on Yusuke. All the attention made Yusuke feel shy. It'd been a long time since someone looked at him so attentively. 

“I still prefer you over Madarame-san.”

Yusuke tensed up and looked around. No one was paying them any attention. Everyone was too busy fawning over Madarame like moths drawn to a flame. Good. “Y-you shouldn't say that…”

“But it's the truth.” His easy smile disarmed Yusuke within seconds. Akira's aura was so warm, like he carried around the fire of the forge in his soul. It melted Yusuke's attempt at an icy exterior. It made Yusuke want to stay around forever, but he couldn't allow himself to do that. “Kitagawa-san is much more approachable! You didn't hesitate to answer my questions about the painting that intrigued me, and explained some details in a way even I could understand. I like your passion! It feels more organic.”

Who could stay calm after hearing such a sincere compliment? Akira's words made his heart skip a beat. He could feel his cheeks growing warm and had to look away in order to not get caught. Yusuke knew he shouldn't be basking in Akira's words. He should be correcting his views on Madarame — tell him about all the great things his teacher did — but he couldn't. Just for once, he wanted some credit and acknowledgement. Just once. 

“Say…” Akira took a step forward, entering Yusuke's personal space. “I’ve got some extra money right now. Why don't you let me take you out to eat tomorrow? Think of it as our own little celebration.” 

“To celebrate what, exactly?”

“The successful exhibition, of course!” he said, as if it was the most obvious thing ever. 

“B-but this Madarame-sensei’s exhibition, not mine…” Although the pieces on display were his, and he'd been the one to lose sleep while painting, he didn't get any recognition. But he'd done it to support Madarame during a rough patch, not for fame. If he allowed the craving for acknowledgement to consume him, then he would be no better than all those greedy students that chased money instead of art. 

“But you still worked hard around here, didn't you? You were technically working when I approached you those first two times.” Yusuke wouldn't count that as work. He was just keeping an eye out, just in case. “Let me treat you to a congratulatory meal, please.” 

Yusuke hesitated. Accepting just one meal wouldn't hurt… Right? As long as he didn't delude himself about Akira's intentions, then it would be fine. He just had to keep his feelings under control — ignore them, if necessary. “Okay.” 

That simple word made Akira's day. He raised his fists into the air to celebrate. Maybe he'd thought it would take more convincing? “Great! Let's meet up tomorrow evening?” 

“Sure. I'll make sure to free my schedule for tomorrow evening.” He nodded, feeling Akira's excitement rub off on him. This would be the first time he went out just to have fun, and doing it with Akira seemed fitting. Perhaps enriching his life in the city would allow him to change up the topics of his paintings. 

“It's a date, then! I'll be waiting for you by the cherry tree on the main street, okay? Then I'll take you to the best place in town.” Akira had said it so casually that it took Yusuke's brain a moment to register the words.

Date.

It's a date.

What?

Shocked was an understatement. Yusuke's brain shut down for a moment while the words echoed in his mind. Wasn't it just a friendly hangout? When did it suddenly become a date? It took all of his mental strength to not freak out right then and there. Akira had to be joking. There was no way he felt that kind of interest towards Yusuke, right? All their conversations had been strictly platonic. Yusuke would've noticed if Akira had romantic intentions! Or… Could it be that his own confusing feelings had infected Akira? Perhaps his own struggle of letting go of Ren had affected Akira. If that was the case, Yusuke wouldn't be able to live with himself. 

The last thing he wanted was to tie Akira down because of their shared past. Akira deserved to live a full life without Yusuke's intervention. 

“See you tomorrow!” 

Yusuke could barely lift his hand to wave Akira goodbye. 

“My boy, there's some stuff I need to do around town today. I fear I might not come back tonight,” Madarame explained as he got ready in the morning. With his hands, he ironed out any wrinkles of his favorite haori. It wasn't anything fancy, but the man loved it. “Will you be okay?”

Yusuke hummed absentmindedly as he rocked back and forth on his heels. Usually, he preferred to distract himself by fidgeting with his hands, a habit that came from holding his brush for long periods of time, but he was holding Madarame's bag while the man finished getting ready. The bag was unusually heavy, but he didn't mention it. Madarame didn't like it when others snooped around his belongings. He was a reserved man, and Yusuke respected that. 

“I trust you to look after the atelier.”

A knot formed in Yusuke's throat. “Um… I'll go out this evening, sensei. But I promise I'll lock the doors and windows before leaving.” 

Madarame stopped what he was doing and slowly turned his neck. “Go out? May I ask why?” 

“Kurusu-san invited me to eat dinner with him.” Why did he feel so nervous when telling his teacher about his plans? He wasn't a child, and it wasn't like his teacher forbade him from going out. Something was wrong with Yusuke.

“Oh, you've mentioned him a few times before,” he said and returned to tending to his appearance. No longer having eyes on him made Yusuke feel better. “Sure, go have fun. I just hope this Kurusu-san of yours isn't distracting you from making art.”

“O-of course not!”

“Good. Remember that Yamada-san is waiting for his commission.” He finished getting ready and grabbed his bag from Yusuke's hands on his way out. Yusuke dutifully followed him to the front door, ready to wish him a good day. “See you later. Stay safe and have fun, my boy.”

“Have a good day, sensei!” Yusuke slightly bowed and only rose once Madarame had closed the door behind him. Once he was all alone, he deflated. Insecurities and doubts plagued his mind, tormenting him about Akira. Last night, he barely got any rest, as he had spent most of the night tossing and turning in his futon. He missed the comfort of a nest, but building one was quite difficult when he didn't have clothes or blankets to spare. 

Taking a deep breath and squaring his shoulders, he tried to clear his head and continue with his routine as usual. He had to wash the dishes, dust off the furniture and work on Yamada-san’s commission. If Madarame didn't have any progress to show, the patrons would become antsy, and Yusuke would be on the receiving end of their complaints. 

He went through the day on autopilot, not even realizing when he finished a chore and began the next. Although he tried to fully focus when painting, his thoughts kept drifting away to Akira — to their “date”. There was chaos in his heart, and it showed in his brush strokes. Yusuke had to step away from the painting in fear of ruining his progress with his struggles. 

Matters of the heart were quite complicated.

On one hand, he felt crushing guilt. If he had stayed away from Akira, things would be much simpler. Perhaps, after their “date” it would be better if they cut all ties and went in separate directions. That way, Akira could be free. But on the other hand, his chest felt warm and fuzzy. He'd be lying if he said being around Akira didn't make him happy, and that he wished to stay around him, even if it was strictly platonic. Cutting ties would be too painful. 

In the end, Yusuke stared at the wall for hours, skipping lunch and getting no work done, until it was time for him to get ready. His stomach twisted with anxiety as he changed into a slightly nicer kimono. Hopefully, they would do something before eating, otherwise he wouldn't be able to have more than a few bites without throwing up. And before heading out, just like he promised, he closed all the windows and locked all the doors. Once he was sure everything was in order, he walked out the door and put the keys between the layers of fabric of his kimono in order to keep them safe. 

The busy streets did little to calm his nerves. Would he ever get used to all the noises and scents? His sharp senses were both a blessing and a curse. 

At least, his sharp senses guided him directly towards the big cherry tree on the main street. Blooming season had already passed, but it was still a beautiful tree, nonetheless. And true to his word, Akira was waiting under the tree. He looked more put together than any other time Yusuke had seen in. It made Yusuke's heart flutter. It really was a date, huh? Swallowing the lump in his throat, Yusuke approached him. “Kurusu-san, good evening. I hope I didn't make you wait for too long.”

Akira almost snapped his neck and tripped on his feet when he turned to face him. Yusuke had to cover his mouth to hide a chuckle. “K-Kitagawa-san, good evening!” Akira greeted with a smile and stepped forward to meet Yusuke halfway. “It's okay, I just got here, so don't worry.”

“That's good to hear.”

“Well, shall we go? We could take a stroll before going to eat, if you want.” 

Did Yusuke's face betray his anxieties? Not that he didn't appreciate the suggestion, he just didn't want to look sick in front of Akira. “A stroll sounds nice… I'm not used to going out at this hour, but learning what the big city has to offer would be good.” 

“Then I'll be your guide. There's a night market we could hit up.” Akira motioned for him to follow, and Yusuke did just that. Having someone at his side to ground him made the city less overwhelming and a bit more enjoyable. “Stay close so we don't get separated in the crowd. I wouldn't want you to get lost,” he added with a wink that made Yusuke blush. 

In reality, it would be almost impossible for Yusuke to get lost thanks to his heightened senses, but Akira didn't know that. Akira believed Yusuke was human. One more lie to the growing pile. If Akira found out Yusuke had been lying about his identity all this time, would he get mad? Would he hate him? It would kill Yusuke to be on the receiving end of such negative feelings. The idea of those kind eyes and warm smiles turning hostile made Yusuke’s chest ache.

Unaware of Yusuke’s troubles, Akira continued talking with a smile. “They sell all sorts of stuff here! I think you'll like it.”

Yusuke hummed, looking around as they approached the lively market. Countless lanterns lit up the market, making it easy to forget how late it actually was. It was crowded, but still relatively easy to get around without bumping into anyone. Though, just in case, Yusuke got a little closer to Akira. 

Just like Akira had said, they sold just about everything at the market. Street food, accessories, makeup, trinkets, you name it. Yusuke didn’t gravitate towards anything in particular. If it caught his eye for whatever reason, then he got closer to inspect the stall while dragging Akira along. Small wood carvings were cute, accessories were inspiringly elegant, pottery impressed him, and the live lobsters were unique. Everything was beautiful in its own way, and he had to check everything out. Not only would it serve as an inspiration for future works, but it also made him happy. The world was a beautiful place that had a lot to offer. 

He had missed so many things in the past fifty years…

As he looked over the market with twinkling eyes full of wonder, Akira looked at him with a fond smile. 

“If there’s anything you want, I could buy it for you.”

“I-I couldn’t possibly accept that!” He waved his arms in front of him in a panic while taking a step back. “You’re already paying for dinner… That’s more than enough.”

Akira sighed and pouted, but respected Yusuke's wish. 

They walked around for a bit longer, casually chatting about the things around them. Since it was his first time visiting, Yusuke had a lot to say about the market, and Akira attentively listened. While walking and talking, it was easy to forget all the troubles that had plagued his mind during the day. The excitement took over, and the anxieties disappeared for the time being. Hanging out with Akira was fun. 

“Wanna head to the restaurant now?” Akira asked once they pulled away from the large crowd. 

“Sure.” While he didn't need to eat as much as humans, his empty stomach looked forward to their meal. “Please, lead the way.”

The restaurant Akira had chosen was a bit far from the market, but Yusuke didn't mind. He was happy to stare at Akira's broad shoulders while following him through the streets of the city. There wasn't a big crowd like on the main street or night market, which was a relief to Yusuke's overwhelmed ears and nose, yet he stayed close to Akira. They were in a part of town he hadn't ever visited, and having Akira close made him feel safer — protected. 

“I hope you like the place as much as I like it…”

“Hmm… I trust your taste and judgment. If you like it, then I'm sure it must be—” Yusuke's words died in his throat as his ears picked up a familiar voice. Madarame was near. From what he could pick up, he was talking with a woman. 

“Everything's alright?” He turned around with a worried expression. Yusuke wanted to reassure him that everything was okay, but as he opened his mouth, he spotted Madarame in the background. 

His teacher looked nothing like when he left the atelier in the morning. His simple, dull kimono had been replaced with a lavish one — which Yusuke was certain they couldn't afford — his shoes had high platforms, his haori made of a glittering golden fabric, he wore a bit of makeup and his hairstyle was much more elaborate than his usual low ponytail. There was a woman who looked just as expensive hanging hugging his arm, giggling and whispering things into his teacher’s ears before giggling. 

But there was something even worse. Something that made Yusuke feel sick to his stomach.

Madarame was wearing fox pelts around his shoulders. There were dead foxes hanging off his shoulders.

Yusuke was suffocating. His vision swayed and his weak legs stumbled. All Yusuke could hear was a deafening ringing inside his ears. Breathing through his mouth, he tried to get some air into his lungs, but it wasn't enough. He was dying. His chest hurt. Sweat rolled down his forehead. His heart was pounding. He couldn't bear to look at Madarame, yet he couldn't look away. Akira was talking to him. His voice sounded far away and Yusuke couldn't decipher the words. It was too much. He had to get away. 

Fueled by adrenaline, Yusuke turned around and ran as fast as he could with no destination in mind. Although he was out in the street, he felt trapped. Why didn't his legs move any faster? Confused passers-by got in his way and he bumped shoulders with a few, but he didn't care. Apologizing for his reckless running was the very least of his worries. His lungs were burning. His chest was tight. 

A wave of nausea made him lose balance and almost fall face-first into the pavement.

Going into the nearest dark alley, he slowed down and clung to the dirty wall for balance. He couldn't keep up appearances anymore. The spell shattered and his fox ears and tails came out of hiding. The image of Madarame's lavish appearance — of the fox pelts — flashed through his mind. Another wave of nausea hit him like a ton of bricks and he couldn't hold it anymore. He threw up bile. The force of it left him shaking like a leaf. It was hard to tell if he was too hot or too cold. He felt like dying. Everything was wrong. 

“Yusuke!” Akira came running into the alley, abruptly stopping once he saw Yusuke hunched over. 

The kitsune weakly raised his head and met Akira's eyes. His vision was blurry due to tears, so he couldn't tell what kind of face Akira was making. Was he disgusted? Scared? Another gag made him spill whatever content was left in his empty stomach. He must look pitiful. 

While he coughed and tried to catch his breath, Akira approached with caution, like he was approaching a wounded animal — which wasn't far from the truth — and fetched his handkerchief. Carefully, he used it to clean around Yusuke's mouth and chin. Yusuke tried to swat his hand away. He didn't want to soil Akira's handkerchief, but Akira persisted.

“Let me help,” he said sternly, not leaving any room for Yusuke to argue. Not that he had the energy to. 

“I-I’m sorry…”

“Shhh, don't say anything.” 

A sob escaped Yusuke's lips, then another, and soon he was full-on crying. His brain was clutching straws while trying to explain what he had just seen. He didn't want to believe it, but he had seen it with his own eyes. The image of his teacher, his savior, was completely shattered. It was impossible to believe there was an explanation for what he had just seen. The man who had shined a light on his darkest moment, had given him a dream, had shown him that life-changing painting… That man had deceived him, fed him lies, and Yusuke had fallen like an idiot. Yusuke, who had been so starved for love, hadn't questioned Madarame at all. Instead, he willingly followed him and willingly gave up his work for Madarame to claim as his own. 

Without realizing, he had begun pulling at his hair, but Akira's callused hands stopped him from hurting himself. The gentle yet firm touch reminded Yusuke of Akira's presence. 

“It’s okay, you're going to be okay.” Despite looking scared and unsure of what to do, the fact he was there for Yusuke helped. It gave Yusuke something to focus on and stop replaying what he'd seen. “Take a deep breath… That's it. You can do it.” 

It was difficult. His breath kept getting caught in his throat or interrupted by hiccups, but Akira kept telling him he could do it. Little by little, his lungs filled with air and his chest stopped feeling so painfully tight. He was still shaking and sniffling, but at least he didn't feel like he was actively dying anymore. “I’m sorry,” he repeated, now that he could speak. 

“Don't apologize.” Taking off his haori, he placed it on top of Yusuke's head to hide his fox ears. “Can you walk? Let me take you to my place.” 

Yusuke let go of the wall and tried to take a step forward, but his shaky legs immediately lost balance. He reached for the wall, but Akira grabbed him by the waist first. 

“I've got you.” He grabbed Yusuke's arm and put it over his shoulder. “My home isn't that far… We should be able to get there through the alleys, okay?”

“Okay…”