Chapter Text
“So..” Hal cleared his throat.
“Are you guys saying no to professional training?” Barry helped steer them back on topic.
“Right.” Blue bird nodded firmly.
“All of you?” Dinah asked and was confirmed by the kids' nods. “I see… well I’m sorry but we can’t let young people such as yourselves operate as vigilantes without proper training.”
“We get that Auntie but we have proper training.” Red Robin spawned a Dr. Pepper from the couch cushions.
“You do?” Diana somehow grinned bigger.
“Yuppers!” Spoiler stole the can and took a sip.
“And where did you get this training?” Ollie sounded doubtful to say the least.
“Dad mostly.” Signal made a swing for the can.
“Plus the LOA, tons of different trainers around the world, tibetan monks play a big role-“
“Those damn Tibetan monks” Nightwing nodded.
“They know everything.” C sighed.
“-Lady Shiva, Slade- really there’s just a lot going on split among us” Hood gave up on his list.
“Wh- how did you get access to all that training?!” Hal blubbered.
“Dad.” The room chorused (except Hood who stood firm in his “mostly Mom.”)
“… how did your father get access to it?.” Dinah asked carefully.
Hal was seriously gonna lose it.
The children (and childlike adults) looked between each other as if communicating telepathically before Oracle spoke easily.
“Grandpa puts on a scary costume to go kick butt, isn’t that right Li?” She said to her niece(?)
“ ‘t’s not very scary.” Lian tilted her head. “Grampy wears undies over his pants an’ speaks like Dracula.”
“That son of a bitch gave her a jersey accent” Hal overheard Oliver’s gutted mumble.
“Your dad’s a vigilante?” Barry confirmed
“Tt obviously. Why would not one but two heroes marry into a family of untrained idiots with colourful costumes?” Robin sounded far too antimidating while he made grabby hands for the soda his sister now held.
“Marry?!” Oliver yelled.
“Oh relax, it was for a mission.” Roy rolled his eyes.
“I’m surprised you never noticed the ring.” Hood said easily as he grabbed his husband's hand and showed the band to the group.
“It was made out of a bullet from Jay’s lung.” Spoiler grinned.
“Mine is made out of one from his shoulder, way less romantic if you ask me.” Hood sighed.
“Doesn’t even love you enough to get shot in a core organ.” Nightwing laughed.
“They’re my inspiration, I’m gonna give Orphan a ring made of the bullet my dad shot and killed me with!” Spoiler pointed to her chest.
Hal didn’t know what to make of this conversation.
He was both horrified and somehow heart warmed by their insane concepts of affection.
He wanted to go home.
“You got married and you didn’t tell me…” Oliver was still in shock.
“It was for a mission dad. We are gonna have a proper wedding once ‘Wing and Walls tie the knot.” Roy jutted a thumb over to the men cuddled up on the couch.
“WHAT?!” Barry stood in his shock.
“Uncle… be very ca-“
“YOU CAN’T MARRY THIS GUY!” Barry cut off his nephew.
“And why can’t he?” Blue bird came to her brother’s defence.
“BECAUSE HE’S ENGAGED!” He started tugging his hair.
“That’s kinda a necessary step-“
“HE’S ENGAGED TO DICK!” What does that even mean? Please don't tell Hal he has to have the birds and the bees talk with his 30-60 year old coworker/ best friend. “YOURE ENGAGED TO MY SON IN LAW!” Well that’s not how that works.
“Barry…” Nightwing approached the speedster like he would a scared animal. “you okay bud?”
“NO?!”
“Okay… can we talk in another room?”
“Yeah???”
…
The room waited but Barry never made a move.
“You’re not moving bud.”
“…”
“…”
“Y’know what, let me just-“ Nightwing grabbed the man by his waist and slung him over his shoulder “ we’ll be right back.” Just like that he left.
…
“Dinner’s ready.” Hood announced calmly.
“Finally!” Spoiler.
“Sick, what are we having?” Blue Bird.
“I’ll help fetch it over.” Orphan.
“You guys help me set the table while Jay and Orphan grab the food. O, can you get Lian set in her seat?” All the vigilantes went off to their tasks with Roy’s instructions, leaving the league staring into confused space on the couch.
—-
The small -considering their group’s size- six person table folded out into one that reached either end of the room and had to be custom made judging by its sheer size and the several different kinds of wood, metal and plastic forged together to make it.
The league were guided to their seats in time for Barry and Nightwing to come sauntering out like nothing had happened.
“Saved you a seat babe!” Wally called out with his arm up. “You can sit next to us, Uncle”
Everyone took their seats and sat still for a moment.
“So… do you say prayer or so-“
“3 2 1 GO!” Orphan cut Hal off with her chant.
Immediately the kids flew into action, clearing the croc pots, fighting for the rice spoon before they gave up and used their hands- collecting food on their plates like it was a challenge.
The JL had barely registered the chaos before it was over, the pots were left empty with the only League member with food on their plate being Diana who apparently didn’t question the battle.
“Uhh…” Hal sat in shock.
“Here, kept some aside for you.” Roy carried over a few bowls from the kitchen and Hal could swear he was glowing. “Keep it away from the birds.” The siblings and Co. Showed no remorse, a glint of hunger in their eyes as they looked at the league’s filling plates even as they chowed on their own.
Hal didn’t even see Robin make a grab for them before Arsenal was snapping his hand away with practiced ease.
“Thank you…” Hal looked around at the table of hyenas, then at his own plate.
He swallowed uselessly at his dry throat before raising a fork full to his mouth.
He clamped his jaw closed after the food and-
It was delicious.
Hal scooped another bite.
And another.
Practically vacuuming the plate into his mouth before grabbing another.
There wasn’t much conversation over dinner, everyone too occupied with eating their food and keeping grabby hands away, but damn was it the best dinner he’s had.
Hal was sighing contently, robbing a hand over his full stomach after his second plate, he looked around the table;
Most were done eating, spoiler scraping what remained on her plate directly into her girlfriend’s mouth like one would a compost.
Hood licked his thumb and rubbed at the orange sauce on the corner of his daughter’s mouth despite knowing it will return with the second half of her plate.
Red Robin seems to have started a business at his end of the table, exchanging Dr. Peppers for whatever he deemed an appropriate bid (Diana made it her goal to try one and received a can in exchange for the blueprint of her jett).
Robin dozed on Signal’s lap who in turn dozed into Orphan’s making a wholesome image, ignoring the girl’s unhinged jaw that had rice being poured into it.
Wally, Barry and Nightwing quietly chattered among themselves.
And Roy bickered with Ollie over wedding plans with Dinah as their mediator.
It all made quite the domestic scene.
Until the door swung open.
“I-I tried to stop him” Superman fell in the doorway spawning a gasp from the league.
Behind him stood the dark knight.
The bat glided through the doorway, sure to take a firm step right on the kryptonian’s lungs.
He stood, arms crossed looking blankly at the table.
“Explain.” They were screwed.
“Batman we-“
“REALLY OLD MAN?! If I find a single chip in that door’s paint you’re paying for a new house!” Hood slammed his palms on the table.
“House?” Roy looked to his husband.
“Well he has the money for it!”
“Is the boy scout okay?” Spoiler ignored Jay’s guffawing.
Clark raised a shaky thumbs up.
“Pennyworth taught you better than to interrupt dinner, Father.” Robin tutted.
“FATHER?!” The Justice League yelped.
Hal was sure he was dreaming now, only this was more of a nightmare.
“What are the neighbours going to think about Batman and Superman storming in here Bats?” Roy looked at his fellow hero disappointed- oh my god. Roy looked at his father in law disappointed.
Hal didn’t know what a heart attack felt like but he was pretty sure that this was it.
“Eh, pretty normal for us to storm into random houses.” Blue Bird shrugged.
“Roy’s right though, what are people gonna think with Supes breaking into a Gotham home like this B?” Wally wrinkled his eyebrows in concern.
“Or even being in Gotham?” Signal crossed his arms.
Spooky froze under his children -and in laws-‘s scrutiny before turning back to the door, pulling Clark in and closing it.
“Y’know that doesn’t solve the problem, right?” Red Robin.
“You kids brought five league members into the city and into this house.” He defended.
“All out of uniform.” Nightwing.
“I- You brought Oliver Queen into my son’s home! With my granddaughter!” Was… was Spooky being openly petty right now?
“HE’S HER GRANDFATHER!” Hood.
“Plus Spoiler and I made sure Uncle Ollie didn’t have any queen tech on him!” Was that a good argument? Orphan glared like it was.
“But the goatee.” Batman said with disgust.
“You’re the one that’s been friends with him for years, you force him to a sport clips!” C
Hal blanked after that.
If anyone were to ask him again about the best dinner of his life he would say Christmas dinner 1997, but he had a weird dream about awesome russian chicken once.
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