Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"It's not your fault."

That voice mocked her.

It mocked her to no end and yet she knew what a lie that statement was.

Was it pity?

Or was it some truth that she couldn't see for herself.

Either way, she didn't care.

The dead didn't deserve her forgiveness.

Aubrey stared at the gravestone that mocked her for the past month.

She couldn't bear to see his name on it.

She couldn't even process what was written on it.

She can't accept that he was only some fleeting memory that will burn away bit by bit until all she is left with is ash and soot.

Her hair messy and unkempt, she didn't know the last time she actually brushed it.

Her old yellow hoodie full of stitches and patches that she herself did to make it somewhat wearable.

Her jeans ripped and tore in places that didn't seem plausible but when you live like her, you have to say that it was probably what kids wore these days.

Fitting that her appearance fit her current situation.

Broken.

A broken toy tossed away and meant to be replaced.

And yet it felt as if she caused all of this.

She caused their friendship to tumble down and scatter like a house of cards.

Now they couldn't even find the ones that were lost.

Finding comfort in a situation where one loses something of importance

Do you work around it and accept that it is lost?

Or do you obsess on it and be blind to the cards you still have?

For what purpose you may ask?

Closure?

Guilt?

The dead wouldn't care if you found their corpse splattered on the ground as their one eye looked at you with guilt and sadness.

Like they were at fault.

Like they were to blame.

Like THEY WERE THE MONSTER WHEN IN REALITY-

"Stop."

....

She hated being helpless.

"You don't have to be here."

But she should be.

Respect the dead or whatever.

"What use is respect to us?"

The voice was getting to her.

She couldn't tell if it's just her going crazy or god playing a trick on her.

Either way she's getting tired of it.

"Okay, are you just doing this to annoy me."

She couldn't ignore him, not when he kept following her everywhere.

Her brown eyes looked at the immaterial form of her childhood friend.

His eyes hollow and empty.

He still wore the same outfit when he was alive for those past few days.

And yet she knew that something was wrong.

She couldn't pinpoint what but his demeanour was...

Strange.

He was there and yet he isn't.

His voice full of life and yet it was empty.

It was hard to explain but he's more talkative ever since he...

But he sometimes just stares at his own reflection in the puddle.

She couldn't tell if the reflection was real but everyone seemed to ignore her these past few months.

Nobody has screamed bloody murder over a dead child in the reflection of a puddle yet.

It's fine.

He looked at her with pity and she hated that look.

She didn't deserve it.

He didn't deserve it.

She didn't see the boy she would've spent an eternity with.

She didn't see the boy who helped her despite her past.

She only sees her sins and mistakes.

"You can't do this forever Aubrey."

His voice was only for her.

Some divine punishment to torment her.

Nobody could even hear him let alone see him.

She sighed as she pulled out a ciggerate.

He looked at her with a judging look, like a dotting parent when a child does something questionable like go home late or put their leg up on the table.

"Don't look at me like that."

She said to nobody in particular as she put the cigarette in her mouth as she grabbed a lighter from one of her back pockets.

She could tell he was just judging her.

She cups her hand around the cigarette as sparks fly out from her lighter as she tries to get a fire going.

A few sparks later and a few more judgemental stares from her ghostly companion, her cigarettes finally lights up.

The taste of bitterness hits you like a truck.

You never got used to the taste as that familiar burning sensation lingered in your throat before you exhaled the smoke.

"Alright let's get this done, what's the first thing we need to do?"

"We need to accept that we're dead and never coming back."

"..."

"Aubrey..."

"...."

"We can do it later-"

"No, we have to do it now."

"... Alright."

"I have made my peace with this shitty group. Every time we try to do something good, the world punishes us like criminals. It isn't fair."

Tears ran down her face as her legs were giving in.

The cool autumn breeze hit her face as she collapsed onto her knees as she tried to hold together whatever semblance of sanity she had left.

Her cigarette was thrown to the side and forgotten.

"It isn't FAIR!"

She screamed into oblivion, casting aside whatever respect she had to the gods that she prayed so diligently too.

What did they ever do to deserve this?

What did SHE ever do to deserve this.

She slammed the ground over and over again in anger, tears spilling out from her very soul as she screamed.

She hated how helpless she was.

It reminded her of the times she had to rely on him.

Relied on her friends, old and new.

She-

A cold sensation made itself known on her shoulder, in the midst of her sorrow one boy helped her see a way through its unending darkness.

"It's okay."

The boy said.

She knew it was a lie...

And yet why did she find comfort in those words?

She stared at him for a while before wiping her tears from her face and getting up from her pathetic and pitiful position.

She stood tall as she looked at the two graves standing before her.

She can finally see the words now.

"OUR DEAREST MARI"

"OUR DEAREST SUNNY"

The two people who meant the most to her.

They were only fleeting memories.

But god be damned she was gonna remember them.

Remember them until her final days.

She will live for them.

Live for him.

"THE SUN SHINED BRIGHTER WHEN SHE WAS HERE / THE MOON FELT COLDER AFTER HE WAS GONE."

Those words are buried in her mind.

She accepted that they were gone.

And yet..

He remained standing behind her.

"Alright, what's next on our list?"

She asked the spirit before he gave her a warm smile despite his cold and hollow eyes looking right into her soul.

"We need to tell Kel."

Fuck.

---

"I have to tell you something."

Those words....

GODAMMIT THOSE FEW WORDS SHATTERED HER.

She could've lived without him telling them.

But no.

He had to just drop that bombshell.

She didn't know what she said afterwards.

She didn't care.

The one person she thought she could rely on murdered his own sister over a damned violin.

And yet...

She couldn't feel angry at him

Was it pity?

Guilt?

She didn't know.

All she knew was that she stood Infront of the entrance of the hospital.

She was collecting her thoughts on what to do.

Her hands shaking with anger by just thinking about him and yet she knew she'd be a hypocrite to not forgive him.

He was only a child.

And she did the same not even a day earlier.

And the two kids didn't have the luxury of someone saving Mari before everything transpired.

She looked at the sky as clouds began to block out the sun.

Weird.

It was Summer, why would it be cloudy today?

She shook her head trying to get back on topic.

Maybe she should get back to see how he's doing-

CRACK

She looked down to see him.

Broken.

Lifeless.

And unresponsive.

That one eye looked at her as if she was at fault.

Is this how he felt?

When everything around him collapsed?

Aubrey wasn't one to scream.

She was tough.

She built her walls for years.

And yet as she saw her hands covered in his blood.

Her clothes stained red from the consequences of her own words.

Her walls crumbled down.

Tears poured from her eyes.

Her legs felt weak from the shock of the scene that transpired before her.

She collapsed onto her knees as her vision went blurry.

She could hear people around her gasping in horror and shock.

She couldn't care less right now.

Was this her punishment?

Was this hell?

Was this a bad dream that she'll never wake up from?

All she could do was scream.

Oyasumi.

Chapter Text

The day after the funeral was one of the worst days of your life.

Once again, everyone left you alone.

Trapped inside your own little bubble.

Heh, ironic isn't it?

You lay rotting in your own bed, unmoving and uncaring about the world that was passing by right infront of you.

What did it matter?

If it was good enough for Sunny then it was good enough for her.

You wanted to see him again.

God you really do.

But life isn't that simple.

It never was.

Once again, another important person in your life vanished before your eyes.

You hated the feeling of uncertainty of everything.

Was he happy now?

Was he with Mari?

God she hopes so.

She'd keep rotting away in her bed but the rumbling of her stomach kept bothering her.

She tried to ignore it for so long and yet it started to hurt.

She groaned as she finally got up from her bed.

Making her way to her ladder as she decided to climb down.

And down.

And down.

And down.

....

Was her ladder always this long?

It was dark.

Too dark in her opinion.

It was like staring into the void and somehow.

It stared back.

As she began to make her way down more and more.

The feeling of uneasiness grew worse as you saw strange things occurring.

The ladder began to warp and contort but it remained stable in your hands.

The darkness seemed to be watching her, she could feel its eyes watching you.

The more you climb down, the more exhausted you become.

It seemed endless.

Maybe this was some death dream.

Maybe she was just having one last thought as her real body rotted her away in her bed.

Maybe....

She could see Sunny again.

It's a long way down?

Do you give up?

Yes.

---

"How the hell do we even convince him that I'm not insane."

The two walked along the sidewalk of Faraway in mostly comfortable silence.

After Aubrey's particularly bad breakdown at the cemetery, things got awkward between her and her ghostly companion.

Before long, she asked Sunny how the hell they were gonna do this.

Sunny thought for a moment as he floated in the air as his incorporeal body did not have any mass and or physical form.

Before he just shrugged as Aubrey groaned.

"No offense Sunny, but our first meeting wasn't exactly-"

---

"GODAMMIT SUNNY WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE?!?"

---

"Great."

Sunny looked a bit guilty about that, honestly he didn't expect their meeting would be that bad but considering the circumstances.

It went better than he expected.

"Also how the hell do we even make him able to see you?"

Aubrey asked as Sunny began to think again as the two walked (or in Sunny's case floated) towards Kel's house.

Truthfully, he didn't know how this whole ghost thing works.

All he knows is that Aubrey somehow fell into his own form of limbo and now she was able to see her.

He didn't even know how that even worked!

One moment he was just minding his peace in Headspace and then Aubrey just fell from the sky!

Then after that both of them just didn't remember what happened next.

All they remembered was Aubrey yelling at him and then poof.

They were just inside of her room after all that.

They didn't know how they got there or what happened after Aubrey fell into his limbo realm but....

He's glad that he can at least say goodbye to everyone this time around despite the circumstances.

Despite his desire to see Mari again, maybe staying here for a little while longer isn't so bad.

"Google?"

Sunny suggested and he could hear the gears turning in her head.

"That would be a smart idea but you know my situation by now?"

Aubrey motions at her patchwork of a hoodie and ripped jeans.

"We're going to Kel anyways, it's either he somehow sees you by accident or we use his phone."

Aubrey concluded as the two walked towards their old friend's house in comfortable and understanding silence.

Aubrey enjoyed the silence for a while, it helped keep her mind off the situation at hand.

Autumn was just arriving and it was always one of the seasons of all time.

It wasn't a time to go to the beach like summer, or enjoy a hot mug of hot chocolate underneath a pile of blankets like winter.

It had its benefits like Halloween but those types of things don't interest her anymore.

More like she had nobody to do it with anymore considering everything.

As the two got closer to Kel's house something seemed off.

Aubrey doesn't know what it was but it felt wrong.

The more she got closer to the door, she felt like she was drowning.

Drowning in her own despair.

Her will was tested.

And she was wavering.

She looked towards Sunny and he looked uneasy.

So it wasn't just her....

Something was brewing and whatever it was....

Kel is in danger.

The feeling of uneasiness washed away as she heard the front door opening to see Mrs Rodriguez.

"Aubrey, what a surprise!"

Mrs Rodriguez exclaimed happily as she walked up to give Aubrey a bone crushing hug.

She swore she could hear bones crack at some point.

"What brings you here sweetie?"

Mrs Rodriguez asked as she ushered her to come inside while Sunny floated behind.

As Aubrey walked inside she realized something.

Where the hell was Kel these past few months?

Actually she's never seen him anywhere.

But then again Aubrey has been too busy trying to keep her mind off the whole incident and trying to get Sunny back to the afterlife.

Did she just miss him or something?

Either way, somehow she ended up sitting on the couch with a plate of food.

"We've had so many leftovers since a recent family gathering, I'm a bit fortunate that you came by!"

Aubrey just looked at the food and then looked at her with a blank face.

Food sounds so good right now but Kel takes priority.

"Thanks Mrs Rodriguez but I was actually wondering if Kel was here?"

She asked sheepishly, almost immediately regretting asking as Mrs Rodriguez smiled strained a little.

"Considering you've gone out of your way to come here..."

She said as she gave him another strained smile before walking out of the room to presumably get him.

With that, Aubrey was only met with a crippling fear she had for so long.

Loneliness.

The ghost thing doesn't really count, it's temporary after all.

She sighed as she took a bite out of the sandwich that was so graciously given to her.

"I miss eating."

Sunny bemoans dramatically, as she tries not to snicker in fear of choking on her food.

"Well, I'll eat in your honor I guess."

Aubrey said dramatically, putting her hand over where her heart should be.

"Do you think if you eat the sandwich, I'll get my own ghost sandwich?"

Sunny asked with as much honesty in his voice.

Aubrey snickered at his presumed "joke" but as she swallowed her food, she turned to him expecting him to be atleast looking amused at his own joke.

He wasn't.

He looked at her waiting for an answer.

Oh god he was serious.

"That's not how it works, Sunny."

"You don't know that."

"Bitch, we spent 4 hours reading about ghosts last Thursday."

"And most of that was not true, all I'm saying is that-"

The two argued about the fundamental aspects of how a ghost sandwich would work.

It was a good way to pass the time.

Aubrey kept her mouth shut when she heard footsteps from the other room.

A tan boy walked in with a look she'd more or less never associated with him.

Kelsey or Kel for short looked worse for wear then her somehow.

Eyebags so deep you can practically hold the weight of the world in them.

His hair was somehow messier than usual and his attire was more or less the same not accounting the black and white varsity jacket that he wore.

"Hey Aubrey."

Kel said with a small smile and Aubrey was instantly weirded out.

She wasn't used to Kel being...

Lack of a better term, depressed.

Sunny was definitely wincing at that, he already felt bad for dragging Aubrey on his fetch quest. Adding Kel back into the mix is the equivalent of putting coffee in orange juice.

"Kel."

Aubrey greeted with as much enthusiasm as him and the two fell into uncomfortable silence.

"We need to talk."

Now how would she say it?
---

"So, you're saying that Sunny's ghost is haunting us right now and whatever that's keeping here needs us to exorcise it."

"Yes."

"Get out of my house."

---

"Hey Kel, do you want to exorcise a spirit back into the afterlife?"

"You have 10 seconds to leave."

"Okay."

--

"We have to kill a ghost Kel."

"What the fuck?"

---

NONE OF THESE SOUNDED GOOD.

LIKE JESUS CHRIST WHAT WAS SHE THINKING.

"Look Aubrey, whatever it is you need can be dealt with later okay?"

Kel said with a tired voice.

Kel didn't know why Aubrey looked at him in fear?

Maybe because he was practically kicking her out of her house.

But he was tired.

He couldn't sleep well these past few days.

He didn't know why.

He never noticed the black appendages that kept his eyes open.

---

Of Shattered Memories

And Dreamless Nights

You Can Never Forget This Sight.

It's all your fault Kelsey.

It's your fault he died feeling alone.