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Chapter Text

Jeremy hadn’t meant to end up at Eden’s Twilight with a fuck-ton of Foxes and a tight-lipped Jean, but then again, this wouldn’t be the first time he ended up somewhere he hadn’t planned on being. The music pounded in waves above him, the lights a watery blue as lasers zigged and zapped over the dancefloor. The place smelled of nicotine and gin stuck to the bottom of shoes. It made Jeremy’s skin buzz.

They had found a corner with some seating, but it was tight, pressing Jean and Jeremy together on one side, and Neil and Andrew together on the other. Kevin stretched his long legs out in a seat of his own, feet crossed at the ankles, while Nicky, Aaron, and Katelyn stood close to each other. 

Kevin was mourning his loss to USC, 4-6, (and the end of the Foxes’ season) with a vodka sprite, hold the sprite. Meanwhile, Andrew and Neil nursed their caramel-colored drinks in silence as Aaron and Katelyn whispered and giggled back and forth, sharing a glass with two straws. Nicky stirred around his bright pink martini. 

Jeremy couldn’t stand the Foxes’ stuffy silence any longer. Jean was just as bad, practically growling into his soda. They were supposed to be watching Exy recaps in the Foxes’ dormrooms right about now, but the Foxes had wanted to let off some steam and Jeremy hadn’t wanted to sit still, so Jean had to compromise if he was to keep watch over his partner like a good (ex) Raven. So now, he was scowling at the flagrant display of hedonism. 

Bobbing his head to the music, Jeremy leaned over Jean to shout at Nicky over the noise. “Man, I love The Killers , don’t you?”

“Oh my gosh, yeah!” Nicky said. The bait worked. Nicky began rambling about top hits and Eden’s epic DJ as Jeremy tapped his foot along to the beat. He shook his waterglass around, nothing left but ice cubes. He was sick of water. But he knew Jean was watching him, so he kept his press-worthy smile plastered on. 

“We should dance!” Jeremy said when Nicky finally paused for a breath.

Ecstasy filled Nicky’s face. “I like you so much more than Neil and Andrew.”

Jean caught Jeremy’s wrist as he moved to get up. Andrew’s sharp gaze snapped to them, but Jeremy ignored it as Jean gestured for him to lean down so he could speak into his ear. Jean’s breath tickled against Jeremy’s neck, and he tried not to shiver as Jean asked, “Will you be okay?”

“I’ll be with Nicky. We’ll be fine. Get some bonding in with your rehabilitated Ravens and let me be a Fox for the night.”

Neil had that bitter edge of a Raven to him that made Jeremy consider him part of the Edgar Allan flock, though he hadn’t spent more than a couple weeks with the cult. He had been scarred by his time there just as much as Jean or Kevin. 

Kevin’s Queen tattoo was looking regal in the club lights despite the sharp, downturned look in his green eyes. It wasn’t really the Foxes’ fault they had lost their chances at making it to the championship. Neil and Andrew had been pretty beat up earlier in the season, and it had impacted their performance since. Still, Jeremy knew by Kevin’s sulking (and his post-game interviews) that the Trojans were performing better than they ever had.

Jeremy and Jean had planned to stay in South Carolina a bit longer than the rest of their team, win or lose, to show their support for the Foxes after their difficult season. It only took a few sweet words on Jeremy’s part ( It’s about good sportsmanship, Coach ) and phone calls to the travel agent for Coach to bump their flights back a couple days. What Coach didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.   

Jean’s dark gaze didn’t flick away from Jeremy’s eyes, even as Neil, Andrew, and Kevin tried to read their expressions through the dark. Jeremy pulled back, and Jean kept hold onto his wrist a second longer than he needed to. When he released, Jeremy pushed the flutters in his stomach away. It didn’t mean anything. 

Jeremy smiled at the others, sending them back to staring at their drinks. He gestured to the nightclub, shouting, “Any other takers?”

Katelyn and Aaron didn’t hear him over the tongues they had in each other’s mouths, and the rest of the Foxes offered only a disgruntled shake of the head.

“Killjoys,” Jeremy teased before slinging his arm around Nicky’s shoulder. Nicky blushed. Andrew cast Nicky and Jeremy a two-finger salute, and Jeremy bobbed his head back. Then, Nicky was whisking him toward the dance floor. Right before they were going to descend the stairs, Jeremy poked Nicky’s shoulder so the other man would lean in.

“I forgot my phone in Jean’s pocket. I’m going to run back to get it. Can I meet you down there?”

Nicky took a satisfying gulp of his fruity drink. “Of course!”

When Jeremy was sure Nicky was out of eyesight, he slunk through the crowd to the bar. The liquor bottles shone, illuminated by a faint white light, and just the smell of tequila and vodka and gin was enough to make Jeremy dizzy. 

Jeremy’s thoughts were a giant shred of static. He imagined lines of candy sugar cut into stripes across the bar counter. Pink and powdery. Names pierced through his ribcage like small knives: Noah. Bryson. Fraser. Jean. Jean. 

The last time he had done shots, he had ended up with bruises around his neck and a forcibly deleted phone number. He still remembered the look on Jean’s face in their hotel room as the other man said: I will kill him . And then, Do not ever backslide, Jeremy. I will never forgive you .

Jean wouldn’t understand. He couldn’t. He had been taught denial was punishment. Jeremy knew overindulgence was.

Jeremy leaned over the counter to wave one of the bartenders down. He needed to do this quickly before he was caught, or changed his own mind. A good-looking bartender caught Jeremy’s gesture. He approached.

“One of Andrew’s friends?” the bartender asked with a curious glint in his eyes, gaze flitting behind Jeremy’s shoulder to the back corner. Jeremy leaned in as low as he could so the crowd would cover him from sight. He didn’t want the Foxes or Jean to see him.

Jeremy laughed. “I don’t know if I would say that .”

“Another Exy addict, then.”

Jeremy snapped his fingers. “Bingo.” He looked the bartender up and down. “I don’t think I caught your name.”

A smile pursed on his lips. “Roland. What can I do for you?”

“Three shots, please.” He shuffled from foot to foot, nervously keeping his stare ahead so the Foxes wouldn’t catch sight of his side profile if the crowd parted at an inopportune moment. “Four, actually.”

Roland raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything as he laid the glasses flat on the counter and filled all four in one steady motion. Jeremy was about to slip out an emergency twenty from his wallet but Roland waved him away. “Put it on Andrew’s tab. I’m sure it’s the least he can do for you.”

Jeremy grinned. Then he took the shots one by one, knocking them down his gullet. He wiped his mouth at the end, watching Roland’s impressed, or rather, enthralled, stare. Jeremy gave the bartender a wink before turning away.

Downstairs, Nicky was howling along to the music, having a grand time as he danced. Jeremy joined him, bobbing his head to the DJ’s remixes, people crowded on either side of him. He could barely keep track of Nicky. Jeremy blinked, feeling the alcohol sift around in his stomach. It was beginning to work its way into his veins with a warm flush, and he closed his eyes and tilted his head back to the ceiling of the nightclub, relishing the feeling. He hadn’t been high since the night –

His eyes flashed open as someone jostled him. No, this wasn’t high. This was just drunk. This was just having fun. This was just celebrating USC’s win and his friends’ company. This was just what normal college students did. 

Jeremy was getting more and more unsteady on his feet, but the other drunk people bumping into him sporadically helped his sober ruse. At least, he had thought so.

Nicky squinted his eyes in the dim light, shouting, “Are you okay?”

Jeremy leaned into Nicky’s space with a teasing glance. “I just haven’t danced in awhile. I’m a bit rusty, aren’t I?”

Nicky retreated into a blush immediately. He was easy. Too easy.

Jeremy leaned in further, so just Nicky could hear him. “Hey, you know where a guy can pick up another guy around here?”

Nicky’s eyes parted in surprise. Certainly it wasn’t because Jeremy was gay – that was common knowledge for anyone who paid even a little bit of attention. It’s not like Nicky was subtle, either.

“I thought…” Nicky trailed off, gaze drifting to the stairwell.

“You thought what?”

“Nothing, I – I guess I just figured a golden boy like you would be already taken.”

“No, not taken,” Jeremy laughed. “Just lacking self-respect, apparently.”

Nicky didn’t know whether or not to laugh at that. Jeremy waved the hesitation away. “I’m going to try my luck.”

“Wait, Jean said not to let you–”

Jeremy put a finger to his lips with an impish grin as he backed away. “Our little secret, Nicky.”

He found himself back at the bar, catching Roland’s eye again. Roland came over, and Jeremy drummed his fingers along the counter, leaning in again so Roland could hear him. Well, more so he could feel Jeremy’s lips close to his neck. 

Jeremy smiled. “Hey, do you ever get a break around here?”

Jeremy wasn’t slurring yet, but give it some more time, and he would be. He wanted to hook Roland before the man thought anything of it. He didn’t know Jeremy’s tolerance; he didn’t know how long it had been since Jeremy’s last drink. Roland glanced at the watch on his muscled wrist, and Jeremy followed suit. It was a quarter past midnight.

“I can take five minutes.”

“Good enough for me.”

“Follow me.”

Jeremy met Roland by a door that looked like it went to a staff entrance. Roland buzzed through the door with his badge and led Jeremy up a cold, concrete stairwell. The music reverberated through the walls, but it was much quieter. Quiet enough to hear his own breathing and the blood rushing into his ears as he climbed the stairs, keeping his grip tight on the railing.

Roland unlocked the door to an empty rooftop, filled with fancy glass tables, some cushioned seating, an empty bar, and dim, humming neon lights. A waist-high glass barrier separated the plaza from the sky. The Eden’s Twilight sign glowed below. Jeremy’s heart rate spiked, but the world was beginning to spin. He pulled Roland against him, pressing his own back against the wall close to the door.

“Our own secret place?” Jeremy simpered as he curled Roland’s hair in his fingers. “I’m a lucky guy.”

Roland cleared his throat. Jeremy ran his hands up Roland’s shirt so he could feel each of the man’s pecs, and Roland fought off a sound, bracing an arm above Jeremy’s shoulder as his fingers found themselves in the waistband of Roland’s jeans.

Roland made a noise. “Definitely not one of Andrew’s.”

“What do you mean?”

Roland just shook his head, sighing as Jeremy’s lips found his neck, then a sliver of his collarbone that peeked out through his black, collared shirt. Jeremy resisted drawing blood to the surface, instead tasting the sweat on Roland’s skin and the aftertaste of the shots he had downed. 

“Hey,” Jeremy said, punctuating his words with kisses, switching to Roland’s other collarbone. He brushed a hand against Roland’s navel, drawing an inhale from the other man. “You don’t happen to have any…special party favors? I’d give you anything you wanted for it, baby.”

Roland guided Jeremy’s hand into his back pocket. He had a firm ass, Jeremy noted, as he felt for the small packets there. Jeremy took a few baggies into his grip, sliding them into his front pocket before ripping one open. He dumped the cracker dust into his mouth. 

“Much better,” he sighed, returning his hands to Roland’s solid sides. Roland’s glance at him fluttered with uncertainty, but whatever he was thinking disappeared as Jeremy knelt to his knees. 

“Fuck,” Roland said as Jeremy unzipped his pants. The man was already hard – Jeremy knew he had that effect on his hookups – which made his job that much easier. Roland was girthy, that was for sure, and if Jeremy had had more time, he would’ve loved to get that man behind him, fucking him raw.

Jeremy began to work lips around the man’s dick, a hand on his shaft while he sucked as fervently as he could, aware of their time constraints. The alcohol and dust was hitting, and Jeremy was feeling higher than higher, warmth spreading in his navel, head full of black sparks, mouth full of the taste of pre-cum. Roland’s hand on the top of his head was gentle but charged, and Jeremy could feel the man holding himself back underneath him.

Roland’s watch beeped, signaling the end of his break. 

“Fuck,” he moaned, using his light grip to direct Jeremy to stop. Jeremy looked up at him with doe eyes. Roland winced, pulling away to stuff his dick back into his pants. “I have to go. It’s not you, I promise.”

“But–”

“I’m sorry, I can’t stay. You’re great, really. I just can’t lose this job.”

Roland helped him up to his feet, then zipped up his own pants. Jeremy barely noticed how badly his knees were starting to hurt; surely they’d be bruised tomorrow. Roland composed himself, taking a deep breath and loosening his shirt around his waistband, as if that would cover the large lump in his pants. 

“Come to Eden’s another time?” Roland asked weakly. Jeremy pulled him for one last rough kiss, and the man biting his bottom lip made him let out a groan of his own. Roland slipped his hand around the doorknob, opening it for Jeremy, but Jeremy didn’t move.

“Are you coming?” Roland winced at his question. “I mean, coming back down with me.”

Jeremy forced a smile. “I’ll be down in a sec. Need to catch my breath.”

“Okay. Don’t stay too long. I don’t want to get caught breaking the rules with a patron.”

Jeremy reassured the bartender he would. Roland cast him one uncertain glance before leaving. As soon as the door had clicked shut behind him, Jeremy tore open two packets of cracker dust, throwing them down his sore throat. He stumbled forward toward a set of teal couches arranged around a glittering, unlit firepit. 

The roof overlooked what existed of the short city. Columbia certainly was no L.A. He could hear people chattering down below, waiting in line to get into Eden’s. He clamped his hands onto the railing to steady himself, heart thumping. 

Was this how Noah felt in his last moments? Exhilarated? Spinning? Like everything was wrong, but nothing was?

No. Noah wasn’t conceited like Jeremy; he was depressed. 

Sure, maybe Jeremy was close to an Exy championship win, with the Foxes knocked out and the Ravens self-destructed. But what did he have after that? A string of unsuccessful hook-ups? Law school? A swept-under-the-rug arrest record? Parents who hated him? A dead brother? 

His parents would never let him play professionally. And Jean – Jean would find a new partner. It would be easy, now that Kevin’s favorite Foxes were destined to make Court. Jeremy would be left with only himself – and the person he had become for everyone else.

His heart trilled as he leaned further over the glass, taking in the drop. Hard concrete. A couple cars lining the street. The Trojan’s season would suffer without him, but he knew they would prevail. They had Jean and the Floozies and the over-eager freshmen. Laila and Cat could take care of Jabberwocky. They would survive without him. Wouldn’t they? Jeremy’s hands shook.

“What are you doing?” he heard from behind him. 

He spun around to find Andrew and Neil standing at the doorway, Roland’s keycard in hand.

Neil looked at him with that blank face he loved to use, the one that made it difficult to discern what he was thinking. It didn’t help that Jeremy’s vision was spinning, and he was having trouble holding himself up. Andrew dug his lighter and a cigarette out of his pocket, lighting the stick and taking a sharp drag. Jeremy watched the smoke curl into the night.

Neil approached slowly, like Jeremy was a frightened stray he had found on the street. 

“Don’t tell Jean,” Jeremy said quickly. 

He turned back to the railing to look at Columbia again. The presence of these two Foxes made everything so much worse. They would tell Jean, and Jean would never forgive him. Jean had said it, hadn’t he? Don’t backslide, Jeremy. Don’t backslide . 

I won’t forgive you.

Jeremy had backslid. Jean would never forgive him. What was there for him now?

Neil appeared at Jeremy’s side.

“Jeremy,” he said pointedly. “Back away from the edge.”

Jeremy clenched onto the glass railing, swaying. The streetlights spun in his vision like hazy stars, and he could hear the reverberations of the music through the floor. He felt heavy, so heavy.

“Jesus, what did he take?” Andrew asked from behind them.

“Not helpful,” Neil said between gritted teeth, a soft hand finding itself onto Jeremy’s upper arm. “We’re not going to tell Jean. Step away from the edge, and we’ll talk about this.”

“I was just looking,” Jeremy said, unconvincing, as he let Neil lead him away. Andrew pointed with his cigarette to one of the couches. “Sit.”

Neil gently pushed Jeremy down into the seat, taking the spot beside him. Andrew sat across from them, his eyes darkened in the night. Andrew lit another cigarette, forcing it into Jeremy’s hands.

Jeremy raised the cigarette to his lips what felt like an eternity later. He took a rough drag. Andrew raised an eyebrow. Jeremy was on a five-second delay, wasn’t he? His reaction time dulled by the drugs and the liquor. 

The streetlight washed over Neil’s face scars, a blurry patch of skin marring his Raven tattoo, and a terrible line dug into the other side. Still, he held himself with confidence, like he’d never been hurt before. Jeremy was weak, so weak, compared to that.

Andrew snapped his fingers in Jeremy’s face. “Knox. Knox. We asked you a question.”

“Where is Jean?” Jeremy mumbled. 

The Foxes exchanged a look.

“Kevin will keep him busy,” Neil said. “We told him we were going to smoke. Roland let us know you were up here, but we didn’t tell him. He won’t come looking for you yet.”

Yet . How was Jeremy supposed to sober up in time to face Jean? How would he pay for his transgressions? He thought about the cross chain Jean liked to wear. Jeremy had always wanted to watch it hang down onto his face, take it in his mouth as Jean pinned him down.

“ Knox ,” Andrew said, smacking the back of his head, cigarette still held lazily between his fingers.

“ Ow ,” Jeremy said, touching the spot. 

Neil cast Andrew a glare, removing the forgotten cigarette from Jeremy’s hand to stamp it out on the ground. “What did I say about not helpful?”

Andrew shrugged. “Seemed pretty helpful to me. This man keeps going into another dimension. Knox, we asked you what happened.”

Neil pinched Jeremy’s chin in his hands to analyze his pupils. 

“Not cocaine,” Jeremy said, unable to fight the smile rising to his lips. He began to laugh, a hoarse thing. It was hilarious, wasn’t it? This was all so funny. He doubled over, coughing, his throat burning from the substances he’d taken and the exercise he had gotten in with Roland.

Neil patted his back in what was supposed to be a reassuring gesture but felt more like a mother babying an infant. Jeremy pushed himself up and away from the two Foxes, stumbling forward. Andrew was on his feet just as fast, an arm pushed out to knock Jeremy in the gut.

“ Oof ,” he said, leaning over to hold his stomach. Neil made a disgruntled noise.

Andrew took another drag of his cigarette. So much for him supposedly quitting. “I’m used to suicidal Foxes and suicidal Ravens. But a suicidal Trojan is a new one.”

“I’m not,” Jeremy wheezed. “Don’t tell Jean.”

“Jean is not your concern right now,” Andrew said, forcing Jeremy to stand up straight with a tap on the man’s shoulder. “Let us worry about Jean. You need to worry about getting down these stairs and out of Eden’s. Now .”

Neil slid Jeremy’s arm around his shoulders and though Andrew kept his distance, Jeremy knew he was prepared to swoop in if need be. Jeremy limped down the stairs with the Foxes on either side of him and prepared to face Eden's once more.

Chapter Text

Jeremy didn’t remember how he got to Columbia House. In fact, he didn’t remember much of what he’d said to Neil and Andrew at all, just that they had been on a rooftop with him, and he still smelled faintly of their cigarette smoke. He remembered the hot bartender – sucking his dick, that is, but not for very long – and before that, abandoning Nicky to pursue his vices. 

He did remember to feel guilty, though. Very guilty.  

Jeremy was vaguely aware of Jean leaning against the wall, asleep with his knees to his chest, but the moment didn’t last long as Jeremy pushed himself up from the bed and rushed to the bathroom to clear the contents of his stomach.

He felt Jean’s presence in the doorway, then his hand on his back as Jeremy leaned his head against the toilet seat, his eyes watering. He closed his eyes, so he wouldn’t have to look at Jean, so he wouldn’t have to face the consequences of his actions. Eventually, Jean was helping him up, splashing his face with cool water, leading him back to bed.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Jeremy said when he had laid back on the pillows, covering his eyes with his hands.

“We have to talk about it.”

Jeremy peeked between his fingers to see Jean’s big eyes trained on him. A curl had plopped onto his forehead, and Jeremy wanted so badly to twirl it in his finger, run his hands into the rest of Jean’s hair and then pull Jean’s lips into his. Jeremy shielded his eyes again. 

“What happened?” Jean asked.

Jeremy peeked out again. “They didn’t tell you?”

Jean grit his teeth. “Damn Foxes. Treat everything like it’s a competition and their game is on the line. Even roughing up Nicky didn’t yield results.”

“Did you fight Nicky ?” Jeremy squeaked. 

Jean flipped his hands into a shrug. “I told him not to let you go anywhere alone.”

Jeremy groaned, grabbing one of the extra pillows to cover his face. His relationship with the Foxes was surely irreparably damaged. If they talked, perhaps his entire reputation, and if the news were to get back to his parents, he’d be officially disowned and –

Jean’s voice was slightly muffled from the other side of the pillow as he said, “If you’re not going to tell me what happened, at least tell me if you’re okay.” His voice lowered. “Tell me what I can do to help.”

Lying to Jean would only make things worse. Jeremy had promised not to lie at the fall banquet. He settled for answering the second question instead.

“Water. Please?”

He felt the pressure of Jean’s body weight leave the bed, and once the door had closed, Jeremy threw the pillow as far as he could. It hit the wall and then the ground with a soft plunk . He stared at it with as much frustration as he could muster.

Jeremy Knox was Sunshine Court. Jeremy Knox did not show emotion. 

Someone had thrown Jeremy’s travel bag at the foot of his bed, and Jeremy used the opportunity to change out of his party clothes. Sure enough, soft purple bruises were forming on his knees. He changed out of his dress pants and into a pair of athletic shorts. Jean opened the door without knocking as Jeremy rifled around for a clean shirt. 

Jean merely blinked at Jeremy’s bare chest then looked away as he held a glass of water in front of him.

“Thanks,” Jeremy said, stepping forward to take the water and down it with one gulp.

“Oh,” Jean said. “I’ll get some more.”

He left again, and Jeremy finished getting dressed, then flipped open his phone to his missed texts. A couple messages from the Floozies, but nothing concerning. Nothing that said they knew what happened. He did have a missed call from his mother, however.

He called her back, let her yammer as he held the phone away from his ear. He pulled it in as Jean stepped into the room again. 

“I know, Mom. I’m sorry. The Foxes needed some time to mourn their loss last night and – yes, I’m sorry, I overslept – I know, I know.”

He took the glass from Jean, drinking the whole thing again. Jean offered to take it back, but Jeremy shook his head, still fielding questions from his mother. 

“I told you, I’m staying at the Lofts for finals. No, we already agreed on this. You promised. I can stay with the girls if I take the LSAT as soon as the season’s over.”

Jean looked surprised. 

“Yes, mom. I will.” He snapped his phone shut, analyzing Jean’s reaction. He handed the glass back. “Are the others awake?”

“Yes,” Jean said, grim. “They want to head back to Palmetto.”

Jeremy clapped his hands together, smiling and scooping his duffel up from the ground. “Great! Let’s go.”

Jean caught him by the elbow. “Not so fast. I am going to ask you one more time, and then I will not ask again. What happened?”

Jeremy kept his fake smile on. “Things got a little out of hand, I admit. But nothing to be worried about!” He couldn’t bring Jean into this, not before finals. It would be too upsetting. “Come on! Wouldn’t want to keep vicious foxes waiting.”

Everyone else was ready to go as Jeremy entered the kitchen. It was obvious he was the center of attention, but he didn’t let anyone stop him as he went out the front door and straight to the car. Neil unlocked it. Jeremy was loading his things in the back of Andrew’s car and threw himself into the backseat in the blink of an eye. The others loaded up.

They had piled into two cars on their way over: Andrew’s fancy-shmancy sports car and Katelyn’s cute slugbug, which Aaron, Katelyn, and Nicky now promptly hid inside. Jeremy grimaced when he saw the shiner on Nicky’s right cheek. 

That left Neil and Andrew in the front seats and Jeremy, Jean, and Kevin in the back. 

Neil sparked the engine and the car made a smooth, guttural growl that Jeremy tried not to find incredibly sexy. Neil pulled them onto the road, Jean’s shoulder and thigh pressing harder into Jeremy’s at every turn.

It was curious that Neil was driving Andrew’s car when Jeremy was specially told it was Andrew’s car , but nevertheless, all that mattered was that they made it back to Palmetto State in one piece. 

It was proving harder to do than he would’ve thought. Jeremy leaned his head against the glass, feeling ill. Jean kept nervously glancing over while Kevin’s eyes drilled holes into the back of the passenger seat.

“Kevin, can you please be quieter?” Jeremy said, massaging his temples.

“I didn’t say anything,” Kevin said, voice raising an octave. 

“You didn’t have to.”

“We’re really just not going to talk about this?” he retorted. “Your season–”

Jean put a hand up to silence him. “It is not about Exy. It is about Jeremy’s well-being.”

Laila and Cat would’ve been proud of him, if they had been there. Jeremy pushed the thought from his swimming head.

“Can you pull over?” he asked Neil. 

Three pairs of eyes swiveled to Jeremy. The car squealed to a sudden halt on the side of the road. Jeremy wasn’t going to be sick, but he did need to get out of there. He closed the door shut behind him before anyone could follow. 

He walked as far out of sight as he could on the side of a freeway, putting his arms behind his head like he was cramping after one too many laps. He felt the tingle in the back of throat and a spike of want for another vodka shot, for another packet of cracker dust, for a single white line. He leaned forward onto his knees, breathless.

Oh, what had he done? 

He heard footsteps crunch behind him. 

“I already told you, I don’t want to talk about it.”

A lighter flicked on, and Jeremy spun his head around to find Andrew watching him with beady eyes as he put the stick to his lips.

“Oh. You’re not Kevin.”

Of all the people to follow him out, Andrew was the last one Jeremy expected. The man’s silence was unnerving. That stare could kill. Or seduce. Was there something to be said about cars resembling their owners, or was that just for dogs? Jeremy floundered his hands for something to say.

“Thank you?” he said weakly. 

Andrew flicked ash off. “Don’t thank me.”

The Fox continued to smoke and stare at Jeremy.

“What is this, suicide watch?” Jeremy laughed uncomfortably, crossing his arms over his torso. 

“Yes,” Andrew said, matter-of-fact.

Jeremy hissed, turning away from the blonde. “You’re going to freak Jean out. Or worse. Kevin.”

“Again, why are they your concern?”

“Because – because –”

Andrew pointed at him with nimble fingers. “Exactly, rich boy.” He tapped ash off again. “I could honestly give less of a fuck about their thoughts, and you should start, too.”

“I–”

Andrew stepped forward, and it was as reassuring as it was threatening. “I’m also not about to tell you to give a fuck about Exy.”

“That much is clear.”

“But maybe you should give a fuck about–” He gestured to all of Jeremy. “This.”

Jeremy bit his thumbnail. Whatever therapy Andrew had been in since his court trial, it was working. How was a Fox (and a Minyard twin, at that) more stable than Jeremy was right now?

“I’m taking care of it,” Jeremy said.

“I know a liar when I see one.”

Jeremy made a noise. “I see why the others obey you now.”

That drew an eyebrow raise from Andrew.

“Pssh,” Jeremy said. “Look at you, all humble. You’re the most foxy Fox out there. I have trouble believing you don’t know your own influence.”

“Are you flirting with me, Jeremy Knox?”

Jeremy made a surprised noise. “No! No, I’m not. This is just…how I am.”

Andrew looked at his nonexistent wristwatch. “Okay. You have two more minutes to be ‘how you are,’ and then we’re pulling onto the road and driving back to Palmetto without you.”

Jeremy was flushed as Andrew walked away, before turning back to the trees, confused. If Andrew had thought Jeremy was flirting with him, he wasn’t nearly as angry as Jeremy would’ve predicted. He didn’t throw a punch or draw a knife. Almost like…he was used to men flirting with him. Jeremy glanced back to the car where he saw Neil’s sharp blue eyes watching them. Could they be…

Jeremy turned back around to the trees. No, that was silly. He was getting off topic as he tried to distract himself from his royal fuck-up. He took several deep breaths, steadying himself before he had to get back in the car and deal with Kevin’s quiet desperation and Jean’s soft concern and Neil’s try-hard nothingness and Andrew’s frustratingly wise pep talk. 

Andrew was right about one thing. Jeremy did need to take care of all…this.

Chapter Text

Jean and Jeremy had another full day in South Carolina, thanks to Jeremy’s genius idea to extend their trip as part of his diplomatic Exy relations campaign. ( I’m practicing for law school, mom , he had said. Don’t you want me winning arguments? )

The Foxes took them to a local diner for lunch, and it was the most tense meal of Jeremy’s life. (Okay, maybe not the most tense. But definitely up there). The tension between Nicky and Jean was ready to snap, despite them being placed on the exact opposite sides of the table, and Kevin was obviously pissed off after Jeremy’s inconclusive response in the car. Andrew and Neil had somehow managed to maintain their calm demeanor, though Jeremy suspected that was more so because they didn’t feel anything in general. 

The other Foxes (Boyd, Captain Dan Wilds, and another girl Jeremy couldn’t remember) didn’t know what the argument was about, and though the pretty blonde one tried to ask, no one gave her a straight answer. Jean was sad Renee couldn’t make it, but she had gone home for the weekend to be with her mom after the Foxes’ loss.

When the waitress came around, Jeremy shone his bright white smile at her.

“Hey, you’re that star California captain, aren’t you?” she asked.

“Sure am!”

He felt the dead gazes of the Foxes around him, and Jean’s flustered one.

“Extra chocolate chips in your pancakes,” she said, making a note.

“Thanks!” he beamed.

“He should be a fucking politician,” Andrew said to the table once the woman had left, taking a sip of his black coffee. Jeremy cast the Fox his winning (sarcastic) thumbs up, and that was the end of that conversation. It turned out, everyone else was too hungry to care about much else once their food arrived. Only Jean barely ate, shoving his bacon around on his plate. 

Jeremy leaned in, whispering, “Do you need someone to calculate it for you?”

Kevin’s ears perked up. Jean shook his head, channeling his breathing.

“It’s mostly protein, Jean,” Kevin said, and though Jeremy expected a harsh edge to his voice, he said it with flat sincerity. Kevin pointed his fork to Jean’s plate. “Just avoid the pancakes, and you’ll be fine.”

“Look,” Jeremy said, rolling some of the blueberries from his plate over onto Jean’s. “Blueberries!”

Jean grunted. “A subpar fruit.”

“Gasp,” Jeremy said. “How dare you. I’ll have you know they’re good in…uh…yogurt and…”

“Smoothies?” Nicky suggested. A harsh glare from Jean shut him up. Jeremy jabbed his foot into his partner’s shin as a way of saying, Be nice . 

Jean only huffed and returned to picking at his plate. Once they were finished, they quickly left and went back to the dorms. Jeremy took the longest and steamiest shower of his life, analyzing Andrew, Kevin, and Neil’s lack of adequate bathing products with displeasure.

Besides that, things were going a lot better than they had been when he was at Eden’s. Jeremy didn’t usually leave room for mistakes, on or off the court, but maybe one bad night didn’t have to spoil everything he had been working for. Everything he and Jean had been building since the first day the (ex) Raven came to California, handsome and rattled. 

His stomach trilled as he thought about just how much he enjoyed looking at Jean’s smooth skin. The tattoo on his cheek, The slender scars that peeked out when he hadn’t fully buttoned his shirt.

Someone knocked on his door, even as the water was still running, interrupting Jeremy’s daydreams.

“Alive in there?”

It was Neil.

“No,” Jeremy called back. “I’ve actually slipped and died. You’re talking to my ghost right now.”

Based on the lack of reaction, he guessed Neil had walked away. He gave an amused huff at himself, shut the water off, and stepped out to towel off before wrapping it around his waist. He kicked open his duffel bag, hoping he had packed enough clean clothes to get him to Sunday. He was surprised when something fell out of the back of his dress pants as he moved them from inside-out to outside-in. 

The packet of cracker dust was bright against the wooden floorboards. Jeremy snatched it up quickly as if the Foxes could sense it through the door, or see it underneath the thin crack. He hadn’t thought there had been anything left over after his tryst with the bartender. He stood, holding the baggie up against the fogged mirror.

Easy answer. Flush it. Be done with it. It was just some sleezy, synthetic drug only edgy kids found cool. It was nothing like the kind of drugs Jeremy would pick, if he could. He set it on the counter and finished getting dressed. He shook out his hair, trying to get his beach tussle just right. The South Carolina humidity just didn’t sit right with his hair. 

He returned to the counter, staring at the cracker dust. He picked it back up. It was just a small bit, wasn’t it? He opened the packet, wetted his pinky and then dipped it in to get a taste. The sensation sparked from his throat up to his temples.  

Jeremy jumped when someone pounded on the door, almost dropping the dust.

“This isn’t your locker room shower,” Kevin said, annoyed. “There’s a line , Jeremy.” 

“Jesus, Queen, I’m going.” Jeremy quickly sealed the bag and shoved it into his athletic short pockets before zipping up his duffel bag and slinging it over his shoulder. “Why haven’t you gotten your own private accommodations by now?”

He opened the door. “Ah, let me guess. A Raven never sleeps alone.” He cast the Queen his perfect smile, relishing in Kevin’s flustered expression. “It’s all yours.” Kevin looked at him suspiciously but Jeremy kept his smile. Kevin just grumbled, pushing past the Trojan. 

Jeremy wracked his brain for his memories from last night. He had told Andrew and Neil not to tell anyone, hadn’t he? And they had listened. More importantly, he hadn’t really told them what had happened, which meant even if Jean shook them down, they couldn’t say whether it was drugs or alcohol or both or neither. Maybe they could guess. But it hadn’t been cocaine, so no one could be that worried. 

Don’t backslide , he heard in his head. Don’t backslide, Jeremy.

The baggie in his pocket weighed a hundred pounds. The kitchen was empty as he stepped into it, Jean sitting on a beanbag chair watching Exy replays in the main area. 

“Where are the others?”

“Roof,” Jean said as quietly as possible.

Jeremy pretended he hadn’t heard the tentativeness in Jean’s voice, like he had to skirt around Jeremy’s triggers. Jeremy could handle it. He had handled it for years now, and Jean didn’t know about last night. Unless he did? No. That was paranoia talking. Jeremy needed to get out of this apartment.

Jeremy opened the fridge to take out a soda to distract himself, cracking it with a loud hiss. “I think I’m going to go on a run.”

Jean’s head whipped to him. “Are you sure? In your…condition.”

Jeremy almost spit out his soda. “It’s not like I’m pregnant or something, geez. Just a little tired.”

“You just showered.”

Curse Jean and his rationality. Why couldn’t anyone be a little impractical around here?

“I need to keep my cardio up for finals,” Jeremy argued. Jean moved to stand up, to come running with him, but Jeremy waved him back down. “Someone has to stay with Kevin.”

There it was. The Raven logic again. Jeremy felt cruel for poking at it, but Jean was never going to let him out of his sight if he didn’t come up with something . He left before Jean could argue anymore. In the hallway, the two Foxes were back, looking ruffled. 

“What, you get in a fight or something?” Jeremy said to Neil and Andrew. If Neil and Andrew were together, then they were the hottest couple in Exy, straights be damned.

Andrew cast him a glare. “Where are you going?”

“A run.”

“Funny. Neil was just about to go on a run, too.”

Neil didn’t react, instead mumbling, “Let me change.”

Jeremy crossed his arms, casting the Foxes a tight smile as they disappeared into the room. He tapped his feet as he waited in the hall. He glanced at either end of the hallway, but it was empty and remained so. His heart jumped. Quickly, he pulled the packet from his pocket and dumped the contents down his throat, stuffing the baggie away again. He dusted off his hands, pleased with himself.

By the time Neil returned, Jeremy was buzzing, bouncing on the balls of his feet. He started down the hallway without a word, and it turned out, that was fine with Neil. The man was fine with silence which, for once, Jeremy was grateful for. The less he spoke, the less trouble he could get himself into. 

He followed Neil around Palmetto State in a light jog, watching his surroundings blur around him. It was just a little cracker dust. Jeremy hadn’t combined it with anything. It was like drinking caffeine. A little pick-me-up, nothing to worry about. 

Jeremy took another shower when he came back, pressing his nose into the humid tile. He was feeling the consequences of his unfinished sexual conquest, his groin aching with desire. He tried to focus on the bartender’s hard pecs and muscled arms, but his mind quickly drifted to Jean’s lips and Jean’s hands. Lightly skimming his fingers over Jean’s III tattoo. Jean, coming into the shower with him. 

He pushed the thoughts away. He didn’t have time for this. Plus, he’d already used too much of Palmetto State’s water supply.

They spent the rest of the night eating microwave dinner and watching movies on the Foxes’ couch. Jeremy tried to keep his eyes from crossing and hoped his delay in responding to peoples’ questions would be attributed to fatigue. 

When eventually Kevin, Andrew, and Neil retreated to their room, Jeremy’s come down hit him like a truck. He slumped into the couch, feeling his eyes flutter and his mind start to drift off. He was vaguely aware of Jean placing a blanket on top of himself before he fell asleep for good.