Chapter Text
Another day, another country.
The boys leave the stage and Pickles runs into Charles’ arms.
The rest of the band just watch the two of them, all with the same quiet and bored expression. Except Toki, who finally breaks. “What ams you two ups to tonight?”
Nathan hit him. “Toki, I seriously don’t want to know.”
Charles was wiping the make up from Pickles’ face. “Actually we screwed up a scene yesterday so we’re going to karaoke.”
Everyone went quiet again.
“You’re doing what?” Nathan said bluntly.
Pickles answered while scraping his arms clean. “We’re gonna have a few drinks and sing badly for other drunk people. Gonna be awesome.”
Murderface said it first. “I want that.”
Charles threw the towel and started backing them out of the room. “Kinda gay. Not the sort of thing you guys would be into.”
Pickles smiles, he knows what Charles is doing.
The rest of the band goes quiet while the other two leave.
As soon as the door closes, Toki folds his arms. “I wants to do regular jack off activities.”
Skwiss joins in. “They says we can’ts, and now I wants it more. What ams this black magic?”
Murderface leans forward. “It’s called reverse psychology. It’s when someone says you can’t, so you want to have it even more than when you weren’t thinkin’ about it.”
Nathan growled. “This is bullshit. We’re a band. We’re supposed to do stuff as a band!”
Murderface raises his head. “Well, just because we weren’t invited, doesn’t mean we CAN’T go.”
Toki and Skwiss start nodding.
Nathan catches on. “Right. What if we also wanted to hit up a few bars and just …”
“Meets them by acskident.” Skwiss finished his point.
Toki points. “Whats about the girls? Whats if they ams really goings to a gay bar?”
Skwiss answers. “Hows would anyone knows if you ams straight?”
Murderface nods along. “Right. We could p r e t e n d to be gay.”
Nathan winced. “Oh, Murderface, no.”
“I don’ts mind. It just pretend.” Toki responded.
Skwiss offered his hand to Toki who put his hand over the other man’s, taking the lead. “Okay, let’s go.”
Toki led the way.
Nathan was left behind with Murderface.
Murderface opened his mouth, but Nathan beat him to it. “You fuckin’ touch me, I’ll kill you.”
Meanwhile, Pickles and Charles had made it to the bar and had already put their names down. This was part of the game. Charles had a bad habit of picking Snakes n Barrels songs, and Pickles purposefully picked the sappiest love songs available. The aim is simply to embarrass the other with a high dose of cringe until one of them concedes. Pickles likes to pick 80’s love ballads while Charles’ favourite falls under alternative rock and rap of all things.
Pickles fell into the bar while Charles has worked his way into a table with a bunch of strangers. Pickles’ isn’t sure how he does it, but left to his own devices, Charles is very good at making friends.
The bar man spots Pickles. “Can I help you?”
“Yeah, brandy and like 5 shots. Whatever’s quickest to make.”
The bar man nodded and got to it.
Then a blonde lady taps Pickles on the shoulder. “Oh my god, you’re Pickles the drummer.”
Pickles quickly looked around for paparazzi or security. Looks like Charles hasn’t secured the area. “Not tonight I’m not.”
“This is so cool. Can I get an autograph?”
“Dude, I appreciate, but seriously, kinda tryna lay low.”
Then the moment was interrupted by the loud and distinct voices of Nathan Murderface, Skwisgaar and Toki.
“Oh dear god, no,” Pickles hissed through his teeth.
The lady gasped. “Oh my gosh, it’s Dethklok!”
Pickles is about to punch his band mates. “Excuse me.”
Nathan stopped smiling as Pickles ran up to him and stopped the group in their tracks. “What the fuck are you doing here?!”
Nathan shrugged. “We wanted to come too.”
“But we didn’t want you guys here. Go screw sluts or something. Pick ANY other bar!”
Murderface intervened. “Pickles, we’re your band. We’re like family-”
Pickles punched Murderface. “You’re a bunch of babies that think you’re missing out. I want a life outside of you guys!”
Charles joined Pickles’ side. “Guys, what are you doing here?”
“We wants to join in.”
Charles sighed.
Pickles was still seething.
Charles snapped his fingers at Nathan’s walkie talkie. “Nathan, do the thing.”
Nathan almost forgot the procedure for this. He pulled up the walkie talkie. “Ur … Security?”
“Reading you loud and clear, sir.”
“Ur…” Nathan scratched the back of his head. “I need you to do that thing with the contracts.”
“Non Disclosure agreements?”
“Ur.. yeah. I think.”
“Yes sir.”
Charles rolls his head toward Pickles. “Not ideal, but not impossible.”
Pickles growled to himself and turned away from the group to go calm down.
“I know we’re kinda gate crashing, but doesn't this seem kinda extreme?” Nathan asked.
Charles looked mildly annoyed. “You tell him off for doing his own thing, then you join him trying to do his own thing, and you’re confused as to why that pissed him off?”
Toki held his arm. “Maybe we should have asked first?”
Charles covers his face.
Pickles hid in the bathroom and splashed his face with water. He just needs a minute to get used to Dethklok intruding on his regular person lifestyle. Hopefully they can all just do normal people stuff, have a few drinks, sing some songs and go home when they’re tired.
But then the thought crosses his mind. What if they brought hard drugs? What if they get stupid and curse stuff happens? What if he loses Charles because he’s got to pick between them? He punches the mirror. Why do they have to ruin totally normal activities?
He decided he’s just going to set some boundaries and they can leave if Dethklok ruins it. Easy.
Back in the bar, Dethklok have split up. Murderface and Toki have paired up to duet a song, Nathan and Skwiss have found a bunch of girls on a night out and Charles is back at the table with the other couples. Pickles calms back down. The room is normal. Comparatively normal.
Charles moves so Pickles can sit down. “Pickles, did you wanna order some food or …?”
Pickles tried to remember what he was doing before his little outburst. “Ur .. I think I was ordering shots actually?”
The table goes ‘oohh.’
Charles puts his hand over Pickles’ under the table. “The time zone shift makes meal planning difficult.”
One of the ladies at the table waves it off. “You know, we have exactly the same problem when we get back from vacation.”
Pickles relaxes considerably as the group around the table talk about civilian problems and listen to their minor complaints of some middle aged woman enjoying her weekend.
The random guy singing on stage draws to a close and the crowd claps.
“Pickles?” The man on stage asks through the microphone.
Pickles confidently stands up. Charles sinks into his shoulders and braces for impact.
Pickles takes the stage and Frank Sinatra starts playing while Pickles smuggly stands onstage for an audience of drunk nobody’s who don’t care who he is.
“Strangers in the night exchanging glances
Wondering in the night-”
Charles tries to hide in his shoulder but he knows for a fact that Pickles is staring straight at him and making a complete ass of himself on that stage.
Nathan looks over the small group of women between himself and Skwisgaar to watch Pickles being a dramatic showman on stage, twirling around with the microphone and making goo-goo eyes at Charles. Charles looks wildly uncomfortable. Nathan isn’t sure he’ll ever understand, but Pickles looks like he’s back in his element.
Pickles enjoys singing. He enjoys the lack of pressure at the bar. Even though the setting is familiar with a stage, lights, microphone and crowd, it’s not the same feeling as a show. This feels way more personal. This is for Charles. A public display of affection.
The song draws to a close and the crowd half heartedly claps. He gives the mic back knowing Charles is next.
Pickles runs to the bar where Nathan is waiting for him.
“So… That was weird.”
Pickles takes his tray of drinks he forgot about earlier. “It’s about to get weirder.”
Dethklok starts playing as Charles’ song.
Every member of the band freezes upon hearing it and slowly turns to see a very smug Charles waiting for the lyrics.
“No. Fucking. Way.” Nathan says without moving his dropped jaw.
Skwiss points. “He can’ts do that!”
Pickles turns away and takes one of his shots. “He can, he will and he’s about to.”
The song starts and everyone winces, but Charles does know the words and he is giving it all, just without the gravel that usually comes with Nathan’s voice.
Not a single member of the band looks okay. Pickles tries not to look at him. Skwiss is listening for his own guitar which struggles through the crappy karaoke recording. Toki looks at Murderface who is just stunned that Pickles is allowing this. Nathan looks the most upset. It’s not that he’s singing badly. It’s just the fact Charles is singing one of their songs. In front of them. Well.
“He ur… he’s got pipes.”
Pickles scoffs. “Imagine this in Facebone’s voice.”
Nathan shuddered.
Charles continues to simply stare at the back of Pickles while blasting through the song and smiling at it. The whole scene is eerie and uncomfortable. That’s the aim.
The song ends and Charles simply hands the mic back while the crowd claps considerably louder.
Charles runs to Pickles who dares to look over his shoulder at him. The man leaned over him and picked a shot from the tray up and downed it, scaring Nathan and Skwiss even further.
“Oh! Good lord, I didn’t like that. What is it?”
Pickles hands him his brandy. “I think it’s Russian Cocaine.”
Charles takes a swig of his brandy to wash it out.
Pickles takes the tray. “What are we doing for the rest of the night?”
Charles follows him back to the table. “We getting drunk or are we having sex?”
Pickles mentally fights with himself as they walk as a pair through the crowd. “Honestly, I could go either way.”
Charles sighed while trying to make the decision. “You wanna get drunk?”
Pickles offers the tray to their new friends. “Gonna be an expensive night.”
Charles sits down. “I think we can afford it.”
Pickles sits down next to him and receives a peck on the cheek.
Murderface and Toki get the stage next. Murderface stands with his legs really far apart and Toki bounces by his side. The music starts, and it's far too upbeat for the rest of the band, but they watch as the first line is yelled by Murderace. “YO, tell ya what I want, what I really want.”
Followed by Toki. “So tell me whats you want, whats you really really wants.”
Charles cringed. “Oh god, they’re singing Spice Girls.”
Pickles sank into his seat. “Nah, yours was still harder to listen to.”
Toki and Murderface sing badly and bounce off each other, getting increasingly louder and more aggressive through the song.
Nathan started re-reading the song selection. “I suddenly feel safer picking a female song.”
Skwiss covertly starts reading with him. “Does they have ABBA?”
Murderface fell to his knees at one point while Toki danced around behind him.
Pickles covered his face. Charles almost looked scared.
But the song ended and Pickles yelled through the crowd without moving his head “GAY,”
Murderface started looking for the voice but he couldn’t tell where it came from, just that people were laughing as Toki tried to drag him from the tiny stage.
Nathan hummed. “You think I can get away with Livin La Vida Loca?”
Skwiss takes the menu from him. “Only if I gets to join you.”
Toki was already writing his name down again. His song was Hollaback Girl.
Murderface fell toward the bar but was still looking for their heckler.
Pickles promises he’s not going to shout it again, but Charles didn’t say stop.
The night went on with drinks while the boys picked their singing partners and Pickles tried desperately to sing songs that would annoy Charles and Charles would return the favour. Can't Touch This was attempted. Far too much Britney Spears was played. I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing and Wake Me Up Before You Go Go were Pickles and Charles’ final attempts at humiliation before giving up.
By the time Murderface was drunk enough to sing Get the Party Started by Pink the others were struggling to get onto the stage. Nathan spent half the night trying to remember the words to American Pie. Toki had a bash at Girlfriend. Skwiss forgot how to speak English and started singing songs in the wrong language.
Charles held Pickles in a booth, cuddled up to his front while he held his phone and filmed the carnage. Pickles stays quiet between sets, but eventually asks, “We’re gonna show them this footage, right?”
“Oh yeah.”
Pickles snuggles in further. “Good.”