Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Fanservice events often signalled a change in the charts. Sudden spikes of popularity polls, new pairings that flooded the fan forums. Of course, I was monitoring them judiciously for research, but even then…

‘Why did the studio staff plan something like this? And for the first day, as well…’

It was a joint project with multiple groups involved. Our CEO had tossed out something like, “Fanservice is the foundation of modern idol work”, and that had been the end of that.

It seemed like my worries were never-ending.

Thankfully, it was at least between same-sex groups.

I had never felt any special kind of way about fanworks that took special... liberties in speculating about same-sex relationships between members of the same group. It had been interesting to witness the kind of things they would come up with, especially with the photos and videos I had taken. But I had no time nor interest in personal relationships back then, much less other people's, so this world had felt especially distant to me.

Now, as an idol, it had just felt like another part of the job. I understood the mechanics of it and did what I needed to, but that had been about it.

‘After all, skinship and fanservice is…’

As an idol, one needed to possess a certain kind of iron fortitude.

I looked over to Big Sejin, who was still grinning brightly. It was entirely at odds with the slightly blanched, pale look on his partner’s face. He was the one who enjoyed all these traditional ‘idol-like’ activities most, between all of us. He seemed happy with his chosen partner, though he had pouted and whined earlier when the stick he pulled out hadn’t matched with Seon Ahyeon and I’s. We had both drawn red.

He looked over and caught my eye, mouthing, All the best, MoondaeMoondae. Then winked at me.

…Seriously. He was the one who needed to watch his own performance most. After all, his sense of distance was a little bit different from the rest of us.

The other members had been split up as well, each paired off with someone from another same-sex group. 

I could already see the headlines on the forums.

To help us plan, the staff had given each of us a list of potential ‘pair-bonding games’.

It wasn’t an exhaustive list. After all, there were countless different examples of skinship out there. From subtle gestures, to more profound ones that felt borderline romantic. Regardless of the form it took, there was always a thrilling sense of distance when someone engaged in fanservice with another member of the same-sex. Coupled with the knowledge that nothing would happen, it seemed that fans thrived on that sort of 'impossible distance', and used that to justify their imaginations and the fanworks that stemmed from them. That was the appeal.

My eyes scanned the list thoroughly. Some of these were games we had already played within TeSTAR, but others…

I looked up and saw Seon Ahyeon’s pale face.

‘I don’t think he can do it.’

Then the easiest one, with the most mass appeal would be…

“Well, should we play the pocky game or something then?”

I knew this guy wouldn’t actually go through with it. After all, he looked so… 

But he surprised me.

“O-okay.”

“...?”

I hadn’t actually expected him to agree.

I thought he would either be in shock or laugh things off nervously, like he normally would. However, it seemed he had been feeling guilty about what had happened between us last time, so he simply turned red and averted his eyes.

His mouth opened again, to continue.

Before he had the wrong idea, I knew I needed to cut in and say something.

“I’m just kidding.”

“...!”

“You don’t have to agree with it. Really.”

“I—I don’t mind!”

His hands twisted into the hem of his shirt, as his head bobbed shyly. Despite being taller than me, I was suddenly reminded of how young he was in moments like this. A wave of guilt washed over me like someone had poured warm water over my head. It made me feel even more aware of the difference in our mental ages.

Something might be wrong.

I caught the blurry status window out of the corner of my eyes. Nothing had changed since the last time his trait had stabilised.

So why...?

“S-since it’s Moondae…”

“...”

“I th-think… I’ll be okay… with anything…”

Really, what was this guy saying out of the blue? Was he even aware of what he had just said? And saying that …to another man like him…

“I trust Moondae.”

His eyes lifted and met mine. His cheeks were fully flushed, but he seemed… less shy, more confident. It was difficult to look at him with those clear eyes pinned on me. 

I swallowed.

No, this was Seon Ahyeon, after all. He couldn’t possibly know what he was talking about.

‘Hah… I just got excited on my own after all.’

No. What was I thinking?

This sort of mood was dangerous. Moreover, he had a sensitive heart. I had to wrap up this conversation quickly on a light-hearted note.

“...”

I couldn’t keep running my mouth messily, but if I had any conscience, if I’d even thought of his condition, I should’ve stopped things right then and there. But nothing came to mind. I didn’t want to hurt Seon Ahyeon’s feelings again by laughing all of it off as a joke. 

No, I should’ve been clearer with him from the start.

‘Things have gotten too messy…’

Could I even call myself a proper adult at this point?

But things escalated to a point where even I wasn’t able to stop it.

Seon Ahyeon’s eyelashes fluttered delicately. At this distance, his visuals were almost unfair. Even an ordinary passerby with no knowledge of who he was, would’ve been left a little breathless. 

He tilted his head slightly, exposing his collarbones, clasped his hands, and looked up at me through his lashes, as if pouting.

…Seriously. Wasn’t he wearing way too little today?

I glanced around at the staff that were standing by. Were the cameras filming all this?

No, there was no blinking red light. It seemed that they had intentionally paused filming to give us some time to discuss before the rest of our discussions. They hadn't been eavesdropping on our conversations too, which honestly deserved a mental-thumbs up for their professionalism.

‘But well…’ 

I felt a strange twinge of regret. It was a shame his fans wouldn’t get to see him like this.

Of course, I must have been crazy for thinking that way.

“A-ah, I must have g-gotten ahead of myself… if Moondae was joking—“

‘I might have to take responsibility for this, after all.’

“No.”

I shook my head.

His eyes dimmed slightly, so I blurted out on impulse.

“I changed my mind. Let’s do the ‘heart flutter’ game instead.”

That had to be safer… right?

Chapter Text

The ‘heart flutter’ game, as it was aptly named, was a simple game: measure someone’s baseline heart rate and try to spike it through a series of supposedly innocent interactions. Honestly, it sounded more like a horror prank than anything remotely romantic.

'If we’d gone with the horror route…'

I’d seen idols use that method before, and it was a surprisingly reliable formula for variety show shoots, when people wanted something different from the norm. There was a whole sub-speciality built around it after all—some fans enjoying it enough to make viral memes from these interactions.

But Seon Ahyeon had a peculiar constitution. Horror movies didn’t faze him, and neither did haunted house missions. He never jumped at loud noises. People, though, were a different story. He flinched more at eye contact than he did ghost stories.

Judging from the number of groups participating and the full production setup, I had a feeling the company had blown a fair bit of budget on the gimmick.

‘Seriously, our CEO...’

When I informed one of the staff members of our decision, she beamed.

“Oh, almost everyone picked this version! Thank goodness we brought enough cat ears!”

Cat ears...?

I stared at the soft headbands in her hands, the kind with motion sensors that supposedly twitched in sync with your emotions. Ridiculous.

But I took one anyway.

The groups involved were all fairly solid—now, they were all still relatively new rookies with decent reputations, but I recognised most of them from the fan forums I used to follow in my past life. Which meant… they’d know how to handle themselves on and off camera. Probably.

Still, I was glad I got paired with Ahyeon.

The staff gave us the go-ahead, and we both slipped the headbands on. Mine fit snugly, while Ahyeon’s twitched the moment it settled on his head.

I scanned the room automatically. Two discreet cameras were bolted to the ceiling, with one tripod set up off-centre—likely capturing our side profiles. A button near the wall probably controlled the cue signals. Someone had clearly gone all-in on a hidden camera concept. Quickly, I set up my own tripod in a blindspot, and zoomed in onto the bed, locking the focus. Just in case we needed extra footage for our socials.

Our room was bare, save for the massive bed in the centre that was large enough to fit three adult men lying shoulder to shoulder. There were a few plush pillows, a pale lavender blanket, and even a heart-shaped cushion, for no discernible purpose.

‘They’re not even pretending this is innocent anymore.’

I guided Ahyeon to sit and pressed him gently onto the bed. He didn’t resist, but he looked more like someone being examined at a hospital. I adjusted the pillows behind his back to make him comfortable. His shoulders tensed in response.

His face was already red, and he refused to meet my eyes. The cat ears on his headset trembled with each movement.

‘I need to lighten the mood before he short-circuits further.’

I reached forward and flicked one of the ears.

“Ahyeon-ah, you’re really too easy.”

His mouth opened in a tiny 'o'. He looked like he wanted to hide behind his hands but resisted out of pride.

“...! M-Moondae… don’t tease me…”

I tilted my head. “That’s the whole point of the game, though?”

The ears twitched violently.

Honestly, with how red he turned from a single sentence, I wasn’t sure we even needed the monitor.

He reached up and touched one of the cat ears, which fluttered back to life. “D-Does this even work?”

“You shouldn’t touch it too much. We don’t want to damage it, after all,” I said. “Don’t you think it’s cute? It’s for building team morale, I believe.”

I leaned in slightly, slowly enough not to spook him. My phone light blinked faintly from its post, still filming. I made a mental note to review and cut it down later.

“…Th-this is for morale?” he repeated, voice wobbling.

Hey, this guy…

Wasn’t he a little too pure?

“...”

His cheeks were practically glowing now. I held back the urge to flick his forehead.

“Um, Moondae… what—what should I...” he whispered, voice trailing off.

“Just hold on to me instead.”

“...Okay.”

To my surprise, he didn’t hesitate. He wrapped his arms around my neck quickly, though his face was flushed all the way down past the neckline of his shirt, and down his flat chest. His eyelashes trembled, before he looked up at me. The soft brown of his irises had gone slightly glassy, pupils dilated in what could only be described as sheer mortification.

If we didn’t go viral after this, I’d be shocked.

“L-like this…?” he asked quietly.

I nodded and leaned forward a little, anchoring myself more comfortably on his lap. His arms instinctively tightened around my neck. I felt his fingertips dig in slightly. Barely, but just enough to notice.

He was shaking.

I shifted, trying to find a better position on top of him, but the moment I moved, he muttered under his breath, “Isn’t this just using me as a seat?”

It’s not, but…

“You’re good at lying still, at least.”

At my comment, he let out a sound that was half a laugh, half a whimper. His hold loosened, and I took the opportunity to shift off of him, gently brushing away his arms as I tilted my weight to one side.

“How about you try it on me instead?”

He blinked at me, expression blanking out for a moment.

“O-on you?”

I nodded slowly.

“You’re too easily flustered.”

His breath hitched, an audible little stutter in his throat. I watched his fingers curl tightly around the hem of his shirt, twisting the fabric in slow, uneven turns like he needed something to hold onto.

Then, more slowly, he raised himself up onto his knees. He hovered uncertainly, as if he wasn’t sure whether to sit or shuffle away.

“I mean, that’s… that’s…”

His voice gave out.

I raised an eyebrow. “You really don’t have to—”

“No!” he blurted. “I-I’ll do it!”

The cat ears on his head jerked forward with the motion. Cute.

I shook my head to clear it, then leaned back against the pillows, arms akimbo.

“You can just pretend,” I offered. “It doesn’t need to be serious. Just move around a little. I’ll fake the rest.”

He nodded with solemn determination, and climbed back onto his knees, moving to straddle my lap.

Okay. Maybe we weren’t pretending after all.

His hands hovered midair uncertainly, then landed gently on my shoulders.

“Just do whatever feels right to you.”

Ahyeon nodded once, then started to move slowly and awkwardly, like he was tracing an invisible rhythm playing in his in-ears. There was no choreography, no seduction, only hesitant shifts of his weight followed by unsure glances at my face. Honestly, it was adorable.

There was a beep from my monitor, and his eyes flicked up to it.

More confidently now, he started twisting his hips a little bit more deliberately. Still, it felt less like a lap dance and more like… someone trying to do slow-motion squats around my body, on a bed that dipped with each attempt. But it was him. Awkward, sincere, and completely unaware of how dangerous he was.

He wobbled once and grabbed my shoulder for support, mumbling a quiet “Sorry.”

At some point, his pelvis brushed mine.

I forgot to breathe.

The monitor beeped again, louder.

He flinched. “Ah—I-I didn’t mean to—!”

“It’s fine. It means it’s working.”

His hands gripped my shoulders briefly, his gaze dropping somewhere near my collarbone. His breath trembled.

“You really don’t know what you’re doing, do you.”

His brows knitted. “I… I practiced something… I just didn’t think I’d—uh, actually have to…”

He trailed off. The blush had returned full-force. The cat ears on his head twitched wildly at the admission.

“I liked it,” I said simply.

His lips parted. No words came out.

I reached over and flicked one of the twitching cat ears.

“Well, they were right about one thing.”

“H-huh?”

“They really do flutter when you’re flustered.”