Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"GERTRUDE! THE GHOSTS' IN THE PLUMBIN' AGAIN!" A brown skinned, chubby, balding man shouts with his Southern accent into the expanse of the two-story house. He's holding open the door of the second-floor bathroom, exasperatedly sighing and slumping his shoulders as he stares at the ghost floating halfway through the floor of the bathtub, lights flickering on and off rapidly. The small bathroom somehow smells even more like a public restroom than usual, water dripping and pooling from under every appliance. Even the lone, standing lamp. Somehow... "And you!" He points at the ghost, who's wearing a green hat and long-sleeved shirt, and denim blue overalls. Luigi. "Get out of the bathtub!"

A warbly voice comes from the green plumber, mouth not moving as he speaks, in a very obviously fake Italian accent, "But I'm-a not finished fixing the pipes, yet! They're all-a broken!" He spawns a ghostly wrench out of nowhere and begins twisting the showerhead. It looks as if it's not affected by the wrench whatsoever, not even fully coming into contact with it, slightly hovering around the physical object, but then the showerhead starts rattling, and it breaks off of the pipe, shooting even more water out.

The bald man's blue eye twitches, and he puffs up his chest, "YOU BROKE 'EM! THEY WERE ALL WORKIN' BEFORE YA GOT YOUR GHOSTLY-NESS ALL UP IN THE PIPES! GONNA COST ME A FORTUNE IN 7/11 DOLLARS I AIN'T GOT!"

A voice from downstairs, Gertrude, yells back to the man, her voice much softer yet still firm, "Papa Acachalla." She addresses him, "I told you, we should call those Paranormal Investigators!" Her footsteps come up the stairs as she continues, "They help us all the time, why are you so against them helping now?" She stands at the foot of the stairs she raising an eyebrow at him, her hazel green eyes glancing between her husband and the bathroom. She takes a second to fix her stray strands of auburn hair back into her bun, framing her pale, freckled skin and revealing the giant scar across her face.

"'Cause I don't need no "paran'rmal in-vest-r-gators" chargin' us double, Gertrude! Third time this week we call for 'em, they're gonna cost us more than the mortgage bill!"

His wife walks up to him, resting her white prosthetic arm upon his shoulder as she leans against him, "We don't pay the mortgage, hon. We already paid that off months ago." Her bright green turtleneck and light blue jeans contrast with his faded blue jean jacket and pants.

"Yeah, well, if we still did, it would!"

Suddenly, a pipe in the bathtub burst, spraying water against the ceiling. The ghost floats away, phasing through the bathtub, "Mama mia!" Luigi then phases through the wall, leaving a gross, neon green slime residue.

Papa Acachalla throws his arms up in the air and stomps away, "THAT'S IT! I'M TAKIN' CARE O' THIS MYSELF!"

Gertrude speed walks to catch up to him, "Hun, no, let's just call the investigators, they'll deal with it-"

Suddenly, one of the doors to a bedroom opens up, and out runs a dark-skinned little girl in pink dinosaur pajamas.

She jumps straight to clinging onto Papa Acachalla's leg, her dark brown hair in cornrows held up in a bun by a pink scrunchie. Papa puts his hand to her shoulder, letting her know he's listening as he's still looking around to find out where the ghost might have gone, and she whines, "Papa! The weird-green-man is getting slime all over my dino plushies!" She looks up at him with her innocent, hazel brown puppy eyes.

Papa makes a grossed-out look, "Ew, that's disgusting! He better stop leaving that gross goo everywhere, n' breakin' all our stuff or else we're gunna be paying off those pipe fixin' and water damages bills for the rest of our lives!"

Gertrude bends down to the little girl's level, hands on her knees as she smiles softly, "It's okay, Sally, we'll get him to leave soon and then we'll clean all your plushies, okay?"

Sally lets go of Papa's leg, and jumps up and down on her heels, her pink tutu that she refuses to take off fluttering, "Yay, thank you, Mama!" She looks up at Papa, "Are you calling those Ghost and Toast guys?"

Upon hearing their names, Papa's face turns up in a scowl, "No! We are not havin' those guys back again!"

Another person walks out from the same room, a guy older than the little girl in a long, navy blue t-shirt, rubbing his eyes, carrying a thick book in his other hand, "Ugh, it's, like four in the morning, Papa. Just call those investigators again." He lowers his pale, white hand, revealing his grey-blue eyes, and dark eye bags, matching the color of his equally dark buzz-cut black hair.

A loud bang is heard outside, and the house shakes. Just then, they hear a loud roar from the backyard. Sally furrows her brows as she points to the backyard, "Yeah! Even Freddie's getting upset!"

"Billy, I ain't paying double their charging price! We don't have the cash!"

Billy rubs at his temples, shaking his head back and forth, "Just take it out of my college fund."

Gertrude comes up to him, "Billy, you're already in college."

Papa puts his hands on his hips, "We can deal with these ghosts all on our own! We've seen 'em do it enough times, we can do it, too!"

Sally, who has since begun playing on the ground as she traces the grooves of the carpet, looks up to her adoptive father with confusion, "You know how to deal with ghosts, Papa?"

"Heck yeah! I'll get rid of this ghost, just you watch! Gertrude, gimme your crowbar!"

Gertrude produces a crowbar from behind her back and calmly hands it to her husband.

He readies it as he stomps into Sally and Billy's shared room, his nostrils being hit by a pungent smell, somehow worse than the bathroom. Waving the smell away the best he can, he sees the Luigi apparition using his ghostly gadgets to 'fix' the plumbing in the walls.

By 'fix', he means bang metal objects against the pipes and tighten and untighten them too much to the point they break. While doing this, the ghost keeps getting his slime on all of Sally's belongings, pacing with his invisible feet across the room. Luckily for Billy, his side of the room from the invisible barrier the two had set the day Sally had gotten adopted, the ghost hasn't gotten to yet. Papa should work on getting rid of the ghost before it has to chance to; especially before it has the chance to get to his and Gertrude's room!

"Hey, you! App-arr-it-shon! Get outta our house!"

"But-a I'ma not-a done-a!"

"OUT!" He raises Gertrude's crowbar at the ghost in a threatening manner.

The Luigi apparition's face turns red with anger, and he flies upwards into the ceiling. His voice is heard throughout the walls despite him being nowhere in sight, "Fine! If my efforts aren't appreciated, I'll work until you learn-a to appreciate-a me!"

Suddenly, the house rumbles more, and more pipes in the house burst, one by one.

Gertrude comes in, "Now will you call them, hon? I can do it if that'd make you feel better."

Papa groans, "FINE! But when we're charged more this time, that ain't on me!"

Gertrude looks back outside of the room to their kids, Sally chomping down on her waffle chewing necklace, and Billy leaning on the wall as he reads one of his med school books as he leans against the doorframe. She puts a hand on Papa's shoulder and turns them away from the kids, speaking in a hushed tone, "Really, Hun, I don't understand what you have against them. They've always been helpful-"

Papa pulls away, speaking slightly louder than Gertrude, "They're nothin' but trouble, is what they are! Somethin' always goes wrong when they're here!"

Gertrude sighs, lightly slapping her hands to her thighs, "You know they just happen to be here when this stuff happens."

"Then why're they always seemingly surrounded by trouble? I mean- we are, too, comes with livin' in Little Buttz, North Carolina, but they seem to ATTRACT it. Like MAGNET-IC-ALLY."

"Probably comes with the job, Hun. You know how dangerous this paranormal stuff can be. Working with the paranormal is like asking for trouble." She holds up her prosthetic arm, pointing her other hand at it for emphasis.

"Whatever. Call em', then. See if I care." He goes to walk away, then stops and turns back to Gertrude, pointing at her, "But if- if somethin' happens.." Papa cuts himself off, closing his eyes and taking a deep, sharp breath in through his nose. "Forget it. Call 'em. Sooner they get done with this, the better."

Gertrude doesn't say anything. They might not say anything about it, but she knows, and she understands. But she also trusts them. They're practically like extended family, in her eyes.

Regardless, she doesn't say anything; she knows it would only make Papa Acachalla feel worse. She makes her way to the living room to call for the Investigators.



~~~~



An hour later, in another two-story house far from the Acachallas, in one room, lay a man halfway off his bed, right arm hanging off the side along with his leg. In another room, a man sleeps with the covers over his head. Peacefully sleeping, one of them, at least.

The youngest man, a 24-year-old, has been up for an hour, which is better than usual, but still annoying. He lifts his head up, groaning, and ruffles up his short, curly, dark brown hair, as he scratches it while yawning. He fixes his black t-shirt from falling off his light brown skin, as well as his black basketball shorts with the name "GHOST" in all caps sloppily sewn into the band. His hazel green eyes look out his blind-covered window. From under the blinds, he can see a slight glow from the soon-to-be-rising sun.

Ghost pulls himself back onto the bed, head repositioned onto his pillow, and throws the covers up to his face. Closing his eyes, he attempts to fall back asleep. He feels himself drifting off.

After an indiscernible amount of time later, a loud ringing jolts him awake, their shared phone in the hallway. Ghost hears a similar jolt of the bed in the other room, creaking, and then creaking even more after a second. Through the thin walls, he can hear his roommate, 2 years older, approaching the hallway as he opens his bedroom door.

His roommate's voice from outside Ghost's room asks, "Sir? Are you awake?"

Ghost loudly groans as he rolls over onto his back, rubbing at his eyes in an attempt to begrudgingly wake himself up.

"I'll get it."

Ghost yawns as he rubs at his eyes, "Thanks, Johnny..."



Johnny walks to the black rotary phone sitting upon the dark brown table up against the wall, the light from the open hallway window glowing off his white skin in his grey tank top and white boxers, and socks. He runs his hands through his shoulder-length black hair, fixing it up as he leans over the table, picking up the phone, lightly clearing his throat as his British accent goes through the line, "Um- Hello, this is PIE, Paranormal Investigators Extrordinaire. Y-You've reached Johnny Toast."

A calm voice comes in from the other end, "Hey, Toast, this is Gertrude, again."

His voice relaxes, "Oh, hello, Mrs. Acachalla. What seems to be the problem?"

"Luigi's back."

"Again? That's the fourth time this month, innit?"

She sighs exasperatedly, "Third time this week we've had to call, you, too. And, yeah, again. And Papa went and made him mad, so Luigi flooded the house. Honestly, not the worst thing we've had."

Toast freezes, for a moment. Then let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

He knows she didn't mean anything by that. She meant it in a joking way, making light of all the strange things they've had happen at their home, but it only reminded him of the dreaded incident none of them dared talk about. He fidgets in place and tries to disguise the momentary pause as him just having done some calculating for how much they'll pay, tapping his fingers against the table, "Ah, yes, well, we'll be right over before he causes any irreparable damage, Mrs. Acachalla."

She pauses after hearing the words 'irreparable damage,' but still responds warmly, "Toast, please, call me Gertrude. You've been over to our home and helped us so much- there's no need for formalities."

"Yes, ma'am, Mrs. Gertrude."

She softly laughs to herself, and soon, Toast hears rapid shuffling come towards the phone. Through the line, he hears a loud shout,

"IF YOU PIE-FREAKS CHARGE US DOUBLE, WE AIN'T PAYIN'!"

Toast moved the phone a bit away from his ear as he flinched. "Hello, Mr. Acachalla. A, um, third ghost removal in one week w-would usually make you pay more, yes.." He starts fiddling with the phone cord. Why can't his partner come answer the phone for him more often? Why does Toast always volunteer when he knows he gets nervous?! His leg begins bouncing. Thank goodness no one knows he's really the owner of the business. 'Imagine,' Toast thinks to himself, 'a socially anxious business owner.. Of a business I started, no less.'

"WELL YOU BETTER GET YOUR BUTTS DOWN HERE AND WRAP THIS UP QUICKLY! IF AINYTHIN' HAPPENS, IT'S ON YOU, AND I'M CALLIN' THE COPS!"

Of course, as per the usual. At least this Acachalla spiel wasn't nearly as long as the last two. But, Toast knows that Papa Acachalla has a good reason for being worried; it is their home, after all.
With their family there.

"Yes, sir. We're on our way, and we'll be there as soon as we can." Toast's voice comes through the line calmly and steadily, reciting the lines he always had memorized, just like his greeting when he answers the phone. Memorized lines are so much easier than speaking on the spot while on the phone..

"YA BETTER BE! Alright, Gertrude, I'm gunna try 'n get that ghost outta here, again. Hang up so you can keep an eye on the kids while I hit at that Luigu wannabe with a broom."

Toast tries to speak up, reaching his hand out in an invisible plea to Papa Acachalla, "No- wait, Sir, don't- ghosts don't- like that.." He already heard Papa Acachalla running off, screaming obscenities at the ghost before Toast's voice could even reach his ears.

Gertrude yells after him, "Alright, Hun, give me one second." She speaks calmly into the phone, "Bye-bye, Toast. We'll see you soon."

"Goodbye, Mrs. Gertrude." He hangs up the phone and does his best to wake himself up, turning around to lean his back against the table, rubbing his face, coincidentally itching the palms of his hands against his stubble, and he sighs contentedly with his eyes closed. He accidentally grazes the chip on his right ear. He freezes again, and slowly brings his hand up to stiffly, yet lightly feel at the cut at the top.



In his partner's room, Ghost finally wills himself to get up, having heard the whole conversation, as well as Toast's distress during it. He slugs his way over to his dark brown dresser up against the wall, and he hears Toast move back to his own room, no doubt to get dressed as well.

Ghost opens the drawers and pulls out particular clothes. He changes out of his pajamas. Walking in front of his standing mirror, leaning against the wall, stuck forcefully into the carpet to keep it in place, and he looks back at his reflection, still somehow able to see himself despite the minor amounts of dust.

He continues getting dressed, pulling on a black t-shirt and his signature grey zip-up hoodie, the sleeves slightly darker, with big pockets. On the left sleeve, in black letters, a stitched-in spelling of the word 'PIE', along with the PI symbol above it; Something he sloppily stitched into the fabric himself. He then pulls on his black and dark brown hiking boots and his black fingerless gloves.

He checks himself in the mirror: black nail polish, still chipped; black ear piercings, still there. Alright. Good to go.

Finally, he grabs his dark brown messenger bag satchel and hoists it around his shoulder, crossing it over his torso.

He rummages through his satchel to make sure everything is still there as he exits his room, shutting the door behind him. In the bag, he sees everything there usually is: a combat knife in its case, a couple smoke bombs, and a shit ton of many different salts in a multitude of different colors.

He closes the satchel as he hears Toast's bedroom door open.

He sees Toast walk out of his own room at the same time, fully dressed.

His black hair was neatly brushed down, but still curving upwards at the bottom and on his side bangs. He wears his signature white buttoned down shirt, with the sleeves rolled up and collar undone, the same PIE logo on Toast's left sleeve, but his is sloppily ironed on. Atop of it, his black statement vest, with a front pocket with his family crest; a piece of toast with a crown above it, and wearing a red and gold sash, the words circling under it in Latin saying 'Kingdom of Bread.'
He also wears his black dress pants and black dress shoes, along with his utility belt wrapped around his hips, held up with black suspenders.

For a crowned prince of the royal British family, he sure dresses like a butler. Or at least a very fancy electrician.

Ghost scratches at his messy hair again, "Morning, Toast. I heard you talking to the Acachallas? And I heard Papa Acachalla yelling, hard not to. That guy always blasts out everybody's eardrums when anyone's on the phone with him, it's like he thinks we can't hear him unless he yells."

"He might also just talk like that, Sir."

Ghost stretches as they both make their way to the stairs, slouching dramatically, "Ugh, yeah, maybe. I heard him call us 'PIE-freaks' a lot more than I'd like. I told you we should get a different name, you have no idea how many people call and think we're a bakery or something."

Toast hums, "It's a fine name, Sir. Tells people what we're about, and plus, I like pie."

"Finnee." Ghost grumbles under his breath, but there's no malice in it.

"I'll make some coffee real quick before we go."

"Good idea, I'll get the portable microwave, I have a feeling we're gonna need it on the way there."

Toast stops before they reach the stairs, turning to his partner behind him, "Oh, please, just don't bring burritos this time, Sir, it got all over the seats the last time you did.."

More awake, Ghost chuckles, "Fine, but you know I love breakfast burritos, they're the best breakfast food, hands down. If we get there and I'm not as energized after eating those granola bars, it's on you. I am NOT bringing oatmeal again, that stuff is made of evil. Inconsistent texture, gross taste, it's BLAND, and yet has the most disgusting flavor I've ever tasted somehow, simultaneously."

Toast lightly laughs, "Alright, Sir, I won't force you to eat oatmeal. But, again, if you just tried it with a bit of cinnamon-!"

He dramatically waves his arms in an X motion, "Nope! No way, never again!"

"I swear, it's like getting a toddler to try foods with you sometimes, Sir."

Even with the strange insult, the two laugh as they make their way down the stairs.

Toast walks in front of Ghost, now looking down to carefully watch where he steps.

Ghost finds himself looking up and down the back of Toast's vest, once again, just like most times he finds himself walking behind his partner. Despite the relatively plain front, the back of the vest is covered in intricate grey and white lined swirls. Ghost's eyes trace the patterns absent-mindedly.

Chapter Text

Finally, after an hour of driving in Toast's dusty pink Cadillac, they pull up to the Acachalla household as they drive into the cul-de-sac.

They park next to the house and walk up to the front door. Toast steps behind Ghost and looks around the area, scanning for any signs of paranormal activity. As he's looking around, he sees a line of the Acachalla's wet shoes left outside to dry by the door.

Ghost knocks on the door, and they wait, grabbing at his satchel's strap, and Toast tidies up his sleeves.

Soon, they hear the locks unclicking. As the door opens, the paranormal investigators are greeted by Gertdue, wearing a pink rubber apron and matching boots. They hear the distant sounds of loud running water and splashing.

Ghost steps forward, "Greetings, again, Mrs. Acachalla! My name is Johnny Ghost, Paranormal Investigator Extrordinaire! And I'm here with my partner, Johnny Toast. We're here cause you called for us earlier about a, am I getting this right, another Luigi haunting?"

"Yep! That's right, come on in,” She opens the door wide enough for them to come in, and as they step into the house, they hear a 'slosh' sound beneath their feet. Looking down, they see that the floor has turned into a mini pool, their feet halfway sunk in. And a waterfall coming down the stairs from the upstairs rooms, the source of the loud splashing sounds, no doubt.

"You should probably wear these." Gertrude opens the side closet door and pulls out two pairs of rain boots. They take them and switch their shoes out, leaving their normal ones on the patio to dry with the rest.

Ghost struggles to wade through the water, walking up to Gertrude's side, and asks, "So, where was the entity last?"

"Downstairs with us, actually, in the living room. Everyone else is outside in the backyard with Freddie. Well, everyone, except.."

Suddenly, from the closed door connected to the staircase, leading into the basement, a loud lisping voice yells through the walls, "THE WATER'S LEAKING INTO THE BASEMENT! HURRY UP AND FIX IT ALREADY BEFORE IT FRIES MY COMPUTER'S CIRCUITS! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH BUILDING YOUR GAMING PC COSTS?! OUR DIMENSION HAS THE MOST EXPENSIVE GAMING EQUIPMENT OUT OF ALL 42! AND I'M NOT ORDERING MORE INTERDIMENSIONAL EQUIPMENT AGAIN, SHIPPING COSTS A FORTUNE!"

Gertrude walks up to the door, pressing her ear up to it as she yells back with concern spread across her face, "Spencer, are you sure you don't want to come out? The PIE team is here, they're fixing the problem soon if you want to come up and say hi to everyone."

"NOT UNTIL THEY FIX THE PLUMBING! I HAVE TO PROTECT MY CIRCUIT BOARD, YOU ABSOLUTE NERDS!"

"Okay, honey, if you're sure."

Toast looks at the door in confusion, then to Gertdue, "Is- Is he alright down there?"

She looks lovingly towards the door, "He says he is, and he refuses to come out. Which is normal, but I'm concerned because of the flooding."

"Don't you want to drain the house?"

"The house is gonna flood anyway, might as well wait until it's over with before we begin the cleanup."

"Even though.. Spencer's still in the basement?"

"He has a lot of gear in preparation for this kind of thing, you'd be surprised just how much stuff he stores down there that helps him stay safe in these situations."

Ghost shakes some of the water out of his boots, Why couldn't he have gotten the taller ones?! Well, he knows why, these fit him better, but still, "How long has this ghost been here?"

Spencer shouts from the basement again, "THEY'VE ALL BEEN UP SINCE 4!"

"We should get the Luigi-looking-ghost out of here soon; the longer one stays, the bigger the chance another will show up."

They push their way through the water into the living room, where they are met with the Luigi ghost 'fixing' more plumbing at an alarming rate, water filling the house up even more.

"Luigi-ghost, this is Johnny Ghost, Paranormal Investigator Extrordinaire! I demand you leave this house before we make you leave by force!"

Luigi turns to them, "You guys again-a!"

Ghost pulls out a purple-colored salt pack from his satchel and readies it in case the ghost doesn't want to leave willingly. And if the other two times this month tell him anything, he'll be needing it.

"No! I'm not-a done-a! And I need to show-a the owner how well I do my job-a!" Luigi emphasized the word 'owner' to make it sound like 'oh-nah'.

"Then you leave us no choice!"

Just before Ghost can do anything, the house rumbles. 

Gertrude slogs through the water to the back door and opens the door just enough for her to stick her head out. "Sally, was that Freddie just now?"

"No, he's all calm! Billy an' I are just giving him his favorite berries!"

Ghost looks over to Toast, "Then what was.."

Their questions suddenly answered, they see another ghost float down into the living room, phasing in through the ceiling. It looks akin to Papa Acachalla himself, only younger, and in wild west style clothing, holdsters situated at his hip.

A somehow even heavier Southern accent than Papa Acachalla's himself, the ghost yells, "WHOO! FINALLY, back outta the spirit realm! I knew I'd be back here sooner r' later!"

Suddenly, the backyard door slams open, and rapid sloshing is heard through the hallways, and the sounds of Gertrude aggressively trying to slam the door shut amidst the water pouring out. 

Sally's voice comes from the backyard, "Papa, where are you going??"

Papa Acachalla rounds the corner and is fuming, and surprisingly, he completely ignores the PIE team this time around, "MAXWELL ACACHALLA!? THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE ONCE YOU LEFT ME DURING THAT BANK ROBBERY!"

"You robbed a bank??" Toast exclaimed, shock-filled eyes towards Papa Acachalla.

Gertrude puts her hands on her hips, rolling her eyes, "Long before we met, Papa was known for his bank robberies with his ancestor, Maxwell Acachalla."

Papa continues, pointing accusatorily at Maxwell, "Until HE BETRAYED ME, and made off with the cash, himself!"

"You ain't cut out for bank robbin' anymore, old man! I'm still in my prime!" Maxwell turns to the PIE team, "Till Y'ALL sealed me away int' the spirit realm! Now, I ain't leavin' till' I've robbed y'all of all yer valuables!" Maxwell flies through the walls at Mach speed, crisscrossing through them all, grabbing as many important items as possible, shoving them into his arms.

Everyone's gaze does their best to follow him, but he's too fast, and they can't keep up with him. Ghost snaps himself out of it and grabs a handful of the purple salt out of the bag, chucking it at the Luigi ghost.

"AGH-" Luigi flickers in and out of the living realm, and sputters, "Pft- PPPPBLLEEHH!" His ghostly skin visibly bubbling under the salt, and his form starts to dissipate. He says through clenched teeth, "Fine! I'll be-a goin'! This is gettin' too-a crazy, anyway! I just wanted to-a fix the plumbing!" He turns to Papa Acachalla, "Good-a bye-a! I'll be back next-a month for ze inspection!"

Luigi completely gave up on the Italian accent near the end.

Papa groans loudly, "DON'T COME BACK! YOU'VE-" He stops himself, shaking with anger, "You've," he continues with gritted teeth, "You've helped us enough. We know how helpful you are."

Gertrude continues, "Yeah, thank you so much for your help. But we've got this from now on. Next time you visit, you don't have to fix our plumbing anymore, okay?"

"DON'T INVITE HIM BACK, GERTRUDE-"

"Okay-a! Good-bye-a!" Luigi slowly vanishes, and all the pipes stop flowing water. But all the water remains in the house.

Amidst Maxwell's cackles, Spencer is heard yelling from the basement, "Finally! The water stopped. My circuit board's safe! Took you nerds long enough!"

Toast turns to his partner, "Now we have to deal with Maxwell, Sir."

"Alright, Toast, this feels like a level 10 Entity. Able to phase through walls, but still can interact with the physical world more than a level 9 and below!"

Toast pulls out his Paranormal classification book from inside his vest, and flips open to a page where he begins underlining the words with his finger, "A poltergeist, Sir. We, ironically, need to spray him with water. Salty water, to be specific, then he'll be open to banishment via the ghost salts."

"Alright, let's go!"

Maxwell, upon hearing them, stops in the living room, arms full of jewelry and money, "I ain't lettin' ya do that! No one can contain Maxwell Acachalla!"

Maxwell flies through the walls, straight towards the backyard.

Papa rushes after him, yelling back to those in the living room, "Gertrude, c'mon! And you, PIE-freaks! Get him outta here, already, or else this is comin' outta your pay!"

Gertrude rushes after him, leaving the backyard door open to drain the water, now that the ghost's finally gone and it's safe for everyone outside.

Well, safe once Maxwell is dealt with.

Ghost comes up to Toast and rummages through his satchel, "Okay, what salts do I need for the water?"

"Actually, it's just salted water. I have some small tubes of it in my utility belt, already.”

Ghost pauses mid search, then whips his head up to Toast, "What?"

"You pour table salt into water, then shake it. You've used the bottles I had pre-salted over the years, remember, Sir? Then we can use the actual ghost salts to-"

"You-You.." Ghost calculates in his head, "You had pre-salted water- JUST regular ass water? But with salt?"

"Yes. I could've sworn I’ve told you, Sir."

"..I thought you meant water with those specialized ghost salts, Johnny! Not- regular salt poured into water! What, are you keeping them on hand in case someone needs to rinse with it after a trip to the dentist?!"

Papa yells at the bickering pair from outside, grabbing their attention, "YOU OLD MARRIED COUPLE COMIN' OUT HERE OR AM I GONNA HAVE TO DRAG YOU OUT!"

They then hear Billy shouting, "Papa, get him! Hit him with the broom!"

Then Sally's, "Yeah, Papa, hit him! You, too, Freddie, bite him! Maim the mean man who stole my stuffies!"

Toast and Ghost turn to look at each other, "We should hurry."

"Definitely."

They run to the backyard, and sure enough, they see Papa attempting to attack Maxwell his his broom. And Maxwell indeed does have some of Sally's plushies in his arms, for whatever reason, along with wearing some of the jewelry he had earlier. As Papa whacks him with the broom, multiple clumps of change and stuffies fall from Maxwell's grasp.

Toast runs to catch the falling items and sets them safely back to the backdoor.

As Toast is setting the items down, a roar is heard from behind the two, and Ghost pushes Toast and himself out of the way, accidentally falling on top of his partner. Then, Sally's pet raptor, Freddie, charges past them, barreling towards Maxwell.

Sally yells, cheering her pet on, "Yeah, Freddie, get him!"

Freddie phases straight through Maxwell. And Papa's broom does the same. Freddie stands on the other side of Maxwell, looking around confusedly.

The two investigators struggle to stand up, and eventually Ghost pushes himself off of Toast, "Come on, Johnny, let's use the salt water!"

"Right, Sir!" He stumbles on getting up, but then pulls out small bottles of salted water from one of the bags on his utility belt and chucks it at Maxwell, the fragile glass breaks on contact, splashing him.

"Agh-! Bastard, that stings!" Maxwell flinches backwards, but flies upwards before they can get to him. He struggles to stay up in the air, dropping everything as he jolts up and down, clutching his head as he groans.

"You yellow-bellied rats! I'll show ya what happens when ya mess with the infamous Maxwell Acachalla!" He pulls a ghostly gun out of his holster and points it straight at the PIE team. Ghost finds himself staring down the barrel. Even knowing he's safe, the imagery is hard not to freeze upon seeing.

Maxwell shoots, and the two PIE members flinch instinctively.

But the ghostly bullets are deflected by an invisible barrier. The bullets bounce off it and harmlessly roll onto the grass.

Maxwell's eyes widen in shock, and he opens the barrel to look at the bullets, "What? What happened?!" He begins to involuntarily float back down to the ground, grabbing at his head again.

"Your ghostly weapons won't work on us, Maxwell, we're protected."

"Comes with the job! We have a special talisman that keeps us safe from any of your ghostly weapons! We’ve dealt with enough poltergeists to know you can summon ghost-weapons!"

"Well, then," He flicks his wrist back to close the barrel, "I'LL JUST HAVE T' TAKE IT OUT ON SOMEBODY ELSE!" He points his ghost gun at Papa Acachalla.

Ghost and Toast split up. Ghost runs to the rapidly plummeting Maxwell, and Toast runs as fast as he can towards Papa, hoping he'll be able to shield him. But time moves faster.

Papa moves backwards slowly, "Maxwell, you don't wanna do this-"

"Yes, I DO!" He shoots. As he plummets to the ground, the act of using his ghost powers takes the rest of his energy out of him.

The ghostly bullet rapidly approaches, but then, Freddie runs in front of Papa Acachalla, shielding him from it. Freddie is hit.

"FREDDIE!" Sally screams as Freddie falls to the floor. She runs up to her pet, hovering her hand over where he was shot.

Billy bolts it into the house straight for his med equipment, "Wait here, Sally, I'll be right back!"

Gertrude runs up to Sally to hold her, and Papa stands there, unable to comprehend what just happened.

Ghost pulls out the green-colored salts from his satchel and throws them straight at Maxwell, whose feet are now planted firmly on the grass.

"Gah-!" Maxwell flickers in and out of the realm, skin bubbling even more intensely than Luigi's did earlier, his ghostly flesh burning and tearing under the salt's touch.

Ghost surrounds him in the same green salt in a circle, "Maxwell Acachalla, you will leave this house and return to the spirit realm!"

Maxwell's screams rip into the sky, as his form violently glitches and fades out. He fades away, back into the spirit realm, and the echoes of his screams dissipate. Ghost leaves the salt circle for when it will dissolve later; he can't risk Maxwell getting back by ruining the circle, now.

Ghost turns back to the scene behind him, Freddie on the floor, and everyone near him. As he gazes upon the scene, he sees Sally crying over him and Gertrude trying to comfort her.

"Sally, sweetie, he'll be okay. Billy's coming right back, don't you worry."

"B-but Mama, he got hurt! He got hurt- he-"

"Yes, but trying to protect Papa. He kept Papa safe, and Billy is going to bring him back."

Sally stops sobbing, sniffling, "You promise?"

"Of course."

"Okay. Yeah, you're right, Mama! Billy's got this! He always has!" Ghost hears under her breath, her repeating 'Billy's got this' to herself over and over again.

Papa stares down at Sally and Freddie, teary-eyed. Then, he slowly shifts his gaze up and begins boring holes into Ghost.

Staring straight through him.

Ghost freezes. He knows why he's looking at him like that. His blood runs cold, once again, as his mind drifts back to that one day. During one of their more dangerous cases regarding the Acachallas, the one that could've ended worse than it did. The image of Sally on the floor replays in his mind.

Toast slowly moves forward, opening his mouth to say something to Sally, but the same gaze from Papa is shot straight at Toast, whipping his head around to glare at him.

Toast stops, and steps back to a respectful distance.

Billy sprints out of the house, carrying a first aid kit, and opens it to reveal a strange-looking AED, titled "Revitalizer" in bright red letters at the top, and other medical equipment. 

He removes the bullet, which everyone but Sally and Papa looks away from, and steadies the wound. He readies the Revitalizer, placing a metal plate against Freddie, and turns the dial to the setting of '2'. Billy pauses, hand hovering over a button, trying to not show his hands shaking, "I've never Revitalized an animal before. But.. I've got this."

He uses the strange machine on Freddie, and Freddie springs to life, screeching as he does.

A giant smile spreads on Sally's face, and she latched herself in a hug onto her pet dino's neck, "Freddie! You're okay!"

Papa comes up and pets Freddie on the head, "Thanks, lil guy." He then walks up to Billy, ruffling his short hair, "And my son is a talented med-student! 'Never 'Re-vi-tal-ized' a pet before' my ass! Gertrude! Our son's a medical prodigy!"

Billy bashfully looks away with a smile and rubs at the back of his neck.

Sally runs up and hugs Billy's leg, "Thank you, Billy! I don't know what I'd do without Freddie." She turns to the PIE team, "And thank you, Mr. Toast and Mr. Ghost, for getting rid of those rude ghosty-guys!" She runs up, hugs Toast's leg, and then Ghost's. Neither of the PIE group knows how to respond to the sudden affection; Toast mumbles a couple of 'ums,' and Ghost freezes on the spot.

As Ghost is being hugged, the menacing look on Papa's face returns. Ghost clears his throat and looks away.

Sally lets go and runs back to play with Freddie, who struggles to stand up, but manages, and chases Sally playfully.

Papa hands Gertrude some cash and whispers to her, quiet enough for the kids not to hear,  "You pay 'em. I don't wanna be anywhere near 'em right now. I'll help the kids settle back into their rooms." He turns back to the kids, smiling warmly, "Okay, kids! C'mon, we gotta clean out the house! The water damage is gunna be through the roof this year!" He hurries them inside, even letting Freddie come in with them, trailing behind Sally as the dino limps.

Sally asks, "Do you think the insurance people will accept that it was damaged by ghosts?"

"They better! I ain't gettin' through this house bein' haunted more than three times a month for them to just not pay for our damages!"

Gertrude walks up to the PIE team, "I'm sorry, guys, he's still..-"

Toast finished the sentence, "We know, ma'am. He has nothing to apologize for."

Ghost looks away as he rubs at his arms, 'And we can't apologize enough.'

"In any case, thank you, both! Please take care, and," she hands them extra cash from her pockets, "Buy yourselves something nice, okay?" She winks and puts a finger up to her lips as she walks them outside.

They trade back their regular shoes for the temporary boots and get into the car.

~ ~ ~ ~

Ghost is uncharacteristically quiet on the ride home. Toast looks over to him, "So, uh, what should we buy with the extra cash Gertrude gave us?"

"Mm." Ghost grunts and slumps farther into the passenger seat.

"Well, I know what'll make you feel better."

Ghost looks over to him in suspense.

"Oatmeal."

Ghost snickers, "Ugh, you're the worst." He playfully shoves Toast a bit, not too hard.

"I'm joking, of course, Sir. But, maybe you'll be one of those people who like it dry?"

"As in, uncooked?"

"Yes, technically."

"People can do that? Why didn't you say anything?"

"You.. never asked?"

"Well- you never let me know it was an option!"

"I figured you knew! You said you had oatmeal as a kid!"

"Yeah, but not dry! I thought that was raw!"

Toast tries to keep himself from laughing, and fails, "Raw? Raw oatmeal?"

"Oh, shut up, Johnny! But.. yeah. I'll try the oatmeal dry. Anything's better than how it tastes when it's cooked. Blehg."

Toast smiles. Ghost's light in eyes returned. He knows they need to talk about it at some point; they already have, of course, but really need to talk about it. Not just bring it up. He can almost feel Ghost's guilt every time he and Acachalla are in the same room together.

"Toast, you missed your right."

"Oh, sorry, Sir."

"It's okay, Johnny. Just don't turn us onto Route 15, again. I cannot deal with those tourist attractions again twice in one month."

"Noted, Sir."

After a moment of silence, Ghost mumbles as he faces the passenger window, just loud enough for Toast to hear it, "Call me Johnny more often."

"It gets confusing, Sir."

Ghost sputters, smiling despite himself, "Wha- it's confusing? Johnny, we've known each other since we were 10. Well, since I was 10, you were 12."

"Still! It can get confusing sometimes!"

"Can't believe it, my best friend thinks our names are confusing, after 14 years." Ghost's smile is even wider now. Their usual teasing made it harder for Ghost to hide his genuine happiness.

Because they both know.

They're doing what they love, with the person they care the most about. And despite all the hardships, they chose this life. They knew what was in store and they choose every day to face what may come, to do what they love. Because as long as they're together, they can take it day by day.