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Language:
English
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Published:
2016-05-03
Completed:
2016-05-03
Words:
1,723
Chapters:
2/2
Comments:
333
Kudos:
7,392
Bookmarks:
1,490
Hits:
54,009

#weedhorse69

Summary:

Superman decided to try out a new costume. He did not consult the artist. In fairness, he was a little miffed that he'd been drawing weird porn of him, so. Fair's fair.

Notes:

Chapter two is just the first chapter in plain text, if you're using a screen reader or otherwise have difficulty reading text on images.

(See the end of the work for other works inspired by this one.)

Chapter 1

Chapter Text

Chapter 2: #weedhorse69 - Text Transcript

Summary:

This is the plain text version of the first chapter, formatted with screen readers in mind.

Chapter Text

News

Top Stories

Headline: Superman's Controversial New Costume Raises Eyebrows

(Article image: The Superman logo rendered with rainbow colors.)

Source: Fox News - 3 hours ago

Preview Text: Superman was spotted in Metropolis wearing a new, more revealing costume. What is he trying to say?

Link: California artist identified as Superman costume designer - Washington Post

Link: Superman claims new costume 'just more comfortable' - New York Times

Related:

Link: Superman >>

Link: #weedhorse69 >>

(Screenshots of a WhatsApp chat without names visible.)

(Sent 11:57) jimmy

(Sent 11:57) help

(Sent 11:57) i just woke up

(Sent 11:57) i don't understand how this happened

(Sent 11:58) brian williams said weedhorse69 on national television

(Sent 11:58) i'm a trending topic in the us and brazil

(Sent 11:59) all of my potential clients are going to know me as weedhorse69 now

(Sent 11:59) the guy who put superman in hotpants

(Sent 12:00) i need emotional support

(Received 12:02) Okay, before I say anything I just want to tell you that I was always planning to tell you about this eventually

(Received 12:03) I've just had some bad experiences and I wanted to wait for the right time

(Sent 12:04) if you are cheating on me please wait a couple days and then tell me ok

(Sent 12:04) keep living this lie until thursday

(Received 12:05) I'm not cheating on you, but you might want to sit down

(Sent 12:06) are you kidding i went right back to bed and i am staying here, forever

(Sent 12:06) i live here now, this is my whole world, this mattress

(Received 12:08) I lied about not having an Instagram, it's boyblunder and my pictures are private but if you follow me right now I'll approve it

(Sent 12:08) okay?

(Sent 12:12) jimmy

(Sent 12:12) james

(Sent 12:12) jimjams

(Sent 12:12) what

(Sent 12:13) what is this

(Sent 12:13) why do you have selfies with superman

(Sent 12:14) why do you have a lot of selfies with superman

(Received 12:15) We're kind of friends

(Sent 12:16) what the fuck

(Sent 12:17) what the fuck

(Sent 12:18) i know you live in metropolis but like

(Sent 12:18) that is a joke people tell not a real thing

(Sent 12:19) jimmy

(Sent 12:19) what the fuck

(Sent 12:19) how does that even happen

(Received 12:20) I see him a lot when I'm shooting for the paper

(Received 12:20) We're like work friends

(Received 12:21) I asked him to slow down enough that I could get a good picture and in exchange I promised to delete the ones where he looked dumb

(Received 12:22) Sometimes he asks for prints of really good ones so he can send them to his mom

(Received 12:22) He's a really nice guy

(Sent 12:23) please tell me you didn't tell him about my art

(Received 12:23) No, he found it on his own

(Received 12:24) He actually does really like the costume incidentally, it's not some irony thing

(Sent 12:24) oh my god i hope he only saw the sfw version

(Sent 12:25) oh god what if superman is one of my patrons

(Sent 12:25) how much did he see

(Sent 12:25) what does superman know of my crimes

(Received 12:26) Okay, so, I told him that I knew you and we ended up talking for a while

(Received 12:27) Like I said, he's really nice and he was trying to be respectful but reading between the lines and to summarize

(Received 12:28) He's not thrilled that you're making money by drawing what you think his dick looks like

(Sent 12:29) i am going to cry superman hates me

(Sent 12:29) he thinks i'm a cape chaser oh my god

(Sent 12:30) what is superman even doing on the internet

(Sent 12:30) he can fly

(Received 12:31) Kyle, calm down

(Sent 12:31) i will never be calm again

(Received 12:32) He wanted you to know that as far as he is concerned you're even, since he got a new costume out of it

(Received 12:33) He just thinks you should apply more of your talents to original art and characters, which I have been telling you for months now

(Received 12:33) And he kind of found the Kryptosona thing offensive

(Sent 12:34) how did superman find my old deviantart

(Sent 12:34) i have not touched that pit of sin in five years

(Sent 12:34) i was young and didn't know right from wrong

(Sent 12:35) i wrote fanfic about news anchors

(Sent 12:35) please tell superman i am going to delete that and it's old

(Sent 12:36) please tell him i am not trying to appropriate kryptonian culture

(Sent 12:37) jimmy please

(Sent 12:38) did you tell him that my username is ironic please say you told him

(Received 12:39) I told him you are actually a really great guy

(Received 12:39) He did like the Batman stuff you did

(Received 12:40) I already knew Batman wasn't a vampire but I think you may have also been wrong about some other aspects of how he looks under the costume

(Received 12:41) Superman did not say that but that is the vibe I got

(Sent 12:41) oh no

(Sent 12:42) did batman see it

(Sent 12:42) do you know batman

(Sent 12:42) is batman going to come for me in the night

(Sent 12:43) but in like a bad way

(Sent 12:43) jimmy help

(Received 12:44) I don't know if Batman's seen it but I've never met him

(Received 12:44) Just Robin

(Sent 12:45) what

(Received 12:46) We both got held hostage in a warehouse once

(Received 12:46) He's pretty hilarious actually

(Received 12:47) Sometimes we play Minecraft

(Sent 12:48) hypothetically does robin play on a particular server or what

(Received 12:49) Kyle, you know I love you, but Robin and I share the special bond of two men who have been tied up in a warehouse together waiting for two other, different men

(Received 12:50) I can't betray that trust

(Sent 12:50) i understand

(Received 12:51) I did talk to Wonder Woman, though

(Sent 12:51) my heart can't take this

(Sent 12:52) why was wonder woman in metropolis

(Sent 12:52) i tried to be respectful okay they were classic pinup poses

(Sent 12:53) did superman just send a link to my tumblr to everyone i drew

(Received 12:54) She wasn't there, Superman gave me his League communicator for a bit

(Received 12:55) I guess he didn't want to be the middleman

(Received 12:56) She just saw on of the many blog posts identifying you as the original artist

(Received 12:56) She really loved the art of her

(Sent 12:56) what

(Received 12:57) I guess most people make her shoulders too narrow

(Received 12:57) And don't make her buff enough

(Sent 12:58) i thought i was making her extra buff

(Received 12:58) You were not

(Received 12:59) She also saw your shop and she has a wishlist

(Sent 12:59) no

(Sent 12:59) what

(Received 1:00) I told her I'd ask

(Received 1:00) I guess she wants that poster where she's punching a T-Rex

(Received 1:01) And she wants a shirt of that one where she has Batman tied up

(Received 1:01) She specified a tank top in a man's XL

(Sent 1:03) i

(Sent 1:04) should i just

(Sent 1:04) mail them to you

(Sent 1:04) to give to wonder woman

(Sent 1:04) or what

(Received 1:05) Probably, if it's not too much trouble

(Received 1:07) Are you going to be okay?

(Sent 1:08) i am just in a state of shock honestly

(Sent 1:08) this is not what i had planned for my legacy

(Sent 1:09) weedhorse69, the guy with the blog full of superbutts

(Sent 1:09) it pays the bills okay

(Sent 1:10) i don't want to go back to drawing furry porn

(Sent 1:10) i can't go back

(Received 1:11) I almost forgot, he said one more thing

(Sent 1:11) i escaped that life even superman can't make me go back

(Sent 1:11) oh no

(Received 1:12) You know that picture you did of the League as a band?

(Sent 1:13) that one isn't even porn!!

(Sent 1:13) it is wholesome and good

(Sent 1:14) it came from the heart

(Received 1:15) Yeah but he thinks the lineup is wrong

(Received 1:15) He says he would be lead vocals and acoustic guitar

(Received 1:16) Wonder Woman would be drums

(Received 1:16) Aquaman would get bass, which he swears is not for pun reasons

(Received 1:17) (I asked about the hand but he just gave me a look so I think that was offensive)

(Received 1:18) Electric guitar would be the Flash

(Received 1:18) He says you got the Martian Manhunter right with the keyboard though

(Sent 1:19) does batman not get to be in the band

(Sent 1:19) is it because he's not a team player

(Received 1:20) I think he said violin

(Sent 1:21) what

(Sent 1:21) WHAT

(Sent 1:21) JIMMY DOES BATMAN PLAY THE VIOLIN THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT

(Received 1:22) How would I know?

(Received 1:22) I'm just repeating what Superman said

(Sent 1:23) i can't take this

(Received 1:24) I need to go meet Lois for a thing

(Received 1:25) You sure you're okay?

(Sent 1:25) no

(Sent 1:25) i will never be okay again

(Sent 1:26) i need to delete everything and change my name and start a new life in the country as a humble farmer

(Sent 1:35) right after i send wonder woman a shirt