Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

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The sound of the crowd finally died down.

Everyone was slowly waking up again after the spell cast over them by Gwi-Ma and the Hunters took that opportunity to make a quick exit. Slipping into the backstage corridors with a practiced ease and letting muscle memory carry them to the green rooms they’d used the many times they’d been on stage here.

The fight fortunately left no damage save for a few dents on the stage where demons made contact following a hit from the three of them. Even the flames of the demon king left nothing but a light coating of demon dust that was already getting carried away by the light morning breeze. What had been revealed to the world however, wasn’t clear, as people were still walking like they were half asleep, especially those who had been standing closest to Gwi-Ma.

But that was a problem for later.

Right now the girls pushed forward into the larger of the two rooms, the one Zoey and Mira always used, and shut the door, and the world outside. Finally feeling able to catch a breath.

They all took a moment and a deep breath.

There was a pause, a moment of still quiet, before a sharp gasp filled the space.

Rumi's hands instinctively came up to try and protect herself from the jolt of pain originating from within herself, fingers digging into her upper arms as her legs gave out. The adrenaline was finally starting to leave her system, laying her out to the pain she had been ignoring in her body since the Idol Awards. Another grunt of pain escaped her as her knees hit the ground. Hard. Every breath felt like she was fighting a giant weight pinned to her chest as she collapsed into herself more. The room felt like it was spinning. She was fine. She would be fine. Panics like this didn’t last long. The pain would ease eventually. It always did after her marks spread further. But it had never felt this bad. Like her entire body was on fire, flames surging through her, leaving her trembling. And they saw. They knew. They would leave. She would be alone. She messed up. It was all her fault. They wouldn’t want anything to do with her now. It was hopele-

A gentle hand found her shoulder and she startled, forgetting for a moment that the other two members of the group were actually still there, with her. Seeing her fully properly for the first time since… then.

Rumi shook as that thought got pushed to the back of her mind. She struggled to tune in to what was happening. That was something to unpack later. Right now, she noticed Mira’s lips were moving from the corner of her vision, not yet able to look at either of her fellow Hunters. Mira’s hand stayed where it was; not restricting, but firm enough for Rumi to feel its presence through the fog in her mind. Sound, however, wasn’t getting through the ringing in Rumi’s ears yet.

She shook her head to try and clear it, hands coming up to rub hard at her temples and claw at her scalp, trying to force her thoughts back into a place where she could process things around her again. She started counting her breaths, consciously slowing them down to try and pull herself out of the panic. She has done this so many times now. When she’d had near misses while changing, or the marks had spread beyond the lines of a costume at the last minute. She always made it through. Alone.

Mira and Zoey waited as they watched Rumi trying to calm herself. It was the first time they’d seen her like this. Broken- No, shattered. Almost instinctively trying to make herself smaller as she struggled to breathe.

They were both still shaken by the events that had just unfolded, but as much as the betrayal of seeing Rumi with marks still hurt, their souls had responded immediately when she had returned. Truth laid bare and heart set at their feet as she brought them out of the spell they had given into. Harmonising perfectly as they finally locked the demon king away with a new, stronger Honmoon.

Seeing her crumpled and in pain before them put everything else on the back burner for the moment.

There would be time to talk later.

They would make sure of it.

Slowly the fuzziness left her mind, but the pain was still very present. Even Mira’s hand on her shoulder was sending sharp spikes through her, but she didn’t move away, fighting to stay still despite her whole body shaking with waves of agony.

“Rumi? Can you hear us? Are you okay?!”

Mira’s voice finally made it though, crouched beside her with worry painted across her face.

Rumi found her next challenge was speaking. The first try came out as a pained wheeze. She took a few more deep breaths before trying again.

“It… hurts…” The second attempt was slightly more effective, but it sounded like she was talking with rocks in her throat, grating against her vocal chords.

The other two girls exchanged a look of concern before turning back to Rumi. Zoey stepped forward before kneeling down slowly, reaching out to rest her hand on Rumi’s knee, unwittingly sending another jolt of pain through Rumi.

“What can we do? How can we help?”

Rumi’s mind was running itself into the ground.

Shame.

Pain.

Guilt.

Pain.

Hope.

Pain.

“I… don’t know… Never been… this bad…” She managed to gasp out.

Another shared look passed between Zoey and Mira before Rumi managed to get out “I think… I need to… lie… down… for a bit…”

Mira stood up from her crouch. Her voice was still gentle somehow. “We need to get you home first, we can’t stay here, it’s too risky”. She was very aware the Saja Boy’s concert was unauthorized, and as such had no security (not that it was needed while everyone was under Gwi-Ma’s control). That meant there was a good chance people might try to sneak backstage, or someone might come checking that no-one tried to do that if people came to senses fast enough, and they didn’t need anyone seeing Rumi like this.

Zoey nodded as she stood too, reaching her hand down to Rumi who looked up between them, her mind still fuzzy with pain as she struggled to understand how they could still be reaching out to her, wanting to help her, after everything she had done to hurt them.

After seeing what she was.

Still, she reached out hesitantly, waiting for them to flinch away from her. Instead her hand froze as she caught sight of the dark marks still tracing her skin, shame clouding her vision once more.

Zoey didn’t let any thoughts take hold, as she closed the distance instead before Rumi could retreat back into herself, taking Rumi’s hand and carefully helping her up.

Pain spiked and it took everything in Rumi to stay on her feet, swaying dangerously before she was able to find her balance again.

The others noticed and stuck close to her sides, each holding a hand, but otherwise giving her as much space as they could, as they caught on quickly that every new bump, every brush against Rumi’s skin seemed to draw out another pained sound.

They carefully made their way out to the stage door they knew, sneaking out into the alley behind the stage, and then through the unlocked gates for the staff area to reach the street.

The walk home felt like it took forever. They kept ducking into side streets and taking the long way around to avoid the crowds that were slowly dispersing from Namsan Tower. It was slow going and Mira and Zoey were both getting increasingly anxious about Rumi’s ability to make it back on her own two feet as she started to trip and stumble the more tired she became, barely catching herself each time.

They did notice everyone they saw seemed to be in a daze still. Like when they would wake up from accidentally napping on the couch and needing to check what year it was about 20 times before believing they’d only been asleep for an hour. Hopefully that meant they had some time to figure out where things stood. What the damage to their image was.

Again that thought was pushed to the side as the tower they called home came into view. They carefully made their way in, punching in the code that would grant them access to the lift that would carry them to their penthouse.

Rumi stumbled across the threshold, noting the sun seemed to be setting already; it had taken them that long to get back, before making her way to her room on autopilot. The other two held her gently, letting her guide them through their home, but still supporting her, not quite yet ready to let their leader go.

Rumi tried to head straight for her bed, but felt a gentle pull of resistance in her hand, making her pause.

“You need to change Rumi” Zoey said with a gentle squeeze, trying to be comforting.

Rumi’s hiss of pain at the gesture caused Zoey to drop her hand like she’d been shocked. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s okay…” Rumi breathed, trying to stop the youngest from spiralling. It wasn’t her fault Rumi was burning from within.

“I just… Need rest”. Talking was still hard. Rumi felt a kind of tiredness she didn’t know was possible. And that’s saying something considering the number of tours (including world tours) they’d done over the years as Huntrix while also constantly fighting demons. It seeped into her bones and leeched into her muscles, making her feel like lead moving through molasses.

“You can do that when you’re not covered in blood and demon dust”.

Mira’s comment made Rumi pause, slowly taking more of her condition in. The sting of cuts and the ache of bruises filled her senses, on top of the constant burning.

She could feel how her body was not in a good way. The fight on stage at the Idol Awards, where demon claws had dragged across her skin while tearing her jacket off. The deep cuts her claws had dug into herself as the world, as the women she called her family, saw the monster she was and raised their weapons to her. The waves of demons sent her way that had smashed into her, hitting, tearing, biting, kicking. The fire of Gwi-Ma that had seared her hands, as he tried to burn her into the stage. Even with the faster healing she seemed to possess from the Honmoon combined with her demon side, her body was in a bad way. She couldn’t tell if the fire spreading from her marks was making it worse too.

Her mind was in an even worse state.

She knew all too well that she had shut down for now.

She wasn’t looking forward to that dam breaking.

Mira slowly moved to stand in front of her to get her attention, hesitant to try anything physical having seen the effect it had on Rumi.

“I know you want to lie down, but at least change out of these clothes and get the worst of the grime off you first”. She paused, debating if she should continue before seeing another shiver wrack Rumi’s body, and knew she had to. “We can help if it’s too hard?”

Rumi trembled, but knew Mira was right.

And she knew she wouldn’t be able to do it herself, her hands were shaking too much, even if she didn’t factor in the burns that made her fingertips sting angrily, alongside the pain radiating out from her marks.

The two waited for Rumi, knowing this was a really big deal for her, but also knowing they couldn’t let Rumi sleep in the state she was in. The risk of infection alone had them warily eyeing the harsh gashes that ran down her arms from her shoulders, the deep divots in her biceps that matched a bit too closely to the claws they’d seen her hands twisted into for comfort.

Eventually Rumi sagged. They didn’t have to speak, their ability to communicate silently was still fluent, despite the new factors, especially after all the time they’d spent together and the deep bond they shared. They saw her acceptance, laced with discomfort, so they moved cautiously.

Mira and Zoey led Rumi to the bathroom. Zoey hovered nearby, ready standing to catch Rumi, who looked about ready to pass out. Mira angled Rumi so she wasn’t facing the mirror, making Rumi’s heart swell with affection for a moment at the thought put into that small gesture, before gently moving to unzip her top.

Rumi’s trembling worsened, but Mira bit her lip and continued, knowing this had to be done as she also kept half an eye on Zoey, who looked ready to cry too as she fidgeted with her sleeve to stop herself reaching out to comfort Rumi as she desperately wanted to.

When Mira tried to peel the crop top off, Rumi couldn’t hold in the sharp cry of pain that tore from her. The tight fabric scraping against her marks setting off a fresh tidal wave of pain that had her pulling back from Mira, hands grasping for purchase anywhere to help ground her and finding Mira and Zoey’s forearms that had reached for her immediately, offering gentle but stable support.

Mira sighed and asked Zoey to grab some scissors, who nodded and gently pulled her arm from Rumi’s grasp once she was sure she wasn’t going to pull her over in stepping away.

Mira would face Bobby’s wrath for the ruined costume later, as she turned her focus to making sure Rumi was still stable enough on her feet again.

When Zoey returned, Mira carefully cut up the middle of the crop top, then through the arm holes to the neck, so they could peel the top off Rumi with minimal drag across her skin. She did the same with the stage shorts, opting to leave her sports bra and boyshorts on, knowing they would dry fast enough and not wanting to cross any more lines with Rumi than they had to while she was in this state. The dead eye’d stare Mira was seeing made her worry that if they did cross a line, Rumi wouldn’t be present enough to say anything before any more damage to trust was done.

Zoey told Rumi to take her hands, which she did without a word in reply, shuffling to turn a bit more towards her. Her shut down becoming more apparent to the other two, as they started to register just how much she must have had to deal with alone to be able to tune out her pain and what she was dealing with to this extent. Remembering all the times she’d taken big hits from demons, only to disappear into her room, or Celine’s office if it was really bad, alone. To then come out acting totally fine the next day, looking better than the other two girls combined despite throwing herself into the worst of any fights they were in, as if nothing had happened.

Mira unzipped the tall boots and Zoey helped stabilise Rumi as they too were removed, before stepping away to start the shower and make sure the settings were as gentle as possible. The two paused to take it in turns removing their outfits to the same level, while the other watched over Rumi. Both had never been more thankful they had gone for walk-ins as well as baths for their en-suites, as they were able to lead Rumi under the warm stream together.

They kept it as short as possible, carefully pulling Rumi’s hair out of its signature braid, and using their hands instead of a cloth to gently wash as much of the grime off Rumi’s skin as they could.

The water run off had a worrying hue of red to it, as the wounds shone through more clearly now they weren’t caked in dust and dirt.

They knew they needed to check everything more thoroughly, but they could both sense Rumi’s energy slipping away, so they hurried through the essentials. And after checking the wounds had at least stopped bleeding, they bundled her gently into her fluffy bathrobe and helped dry her hair only once they got her sat in bed.

They helped her lie back, wincing along with her as they saw how much pain even these basic movements were causing her. Both promised she wouldn’t be left alone tonight, neither feeling okay leaving her unattended in the state she was in, and knowing full well that they wouldn’t be sleeping anyway if they did.

Rumi seemed to be out the moment she lay back, all her strength leaving her, but tremors still wracked her body occasionally. Mira had felt her forehead gently and it seemed she already had a rising fever.

Zoey went to get changed first, opting for comfy sweatpants and a loose t-shirt. She came back with a cool towel which she put on Rumi’s forehead to help hold the fever off, or at least stop it getting worse, as Mira went to get herself ready too. When she came back in her signature llama shirt and some boxer shorts, she saw Zoey had already passed out next to Rumi, gently holding the sleeve of her dressing gown with tears still drying on her cheeks. With a gentle sigh, Mira settled down on Zoey’s other side, not wanting Rumi to feel trapped in if she woke up suddenly, and giving Zoey the option to cuddle her if she needed to. The older two both knew how important physical contact was for Zoey, especially when she needed comforting.

It took a few hours before Mira felt tired enough to sleep herself, the events of the evening playing out in her head like a broken record.

She took the time while she was waiting to feel sleepy to trawl the internet to see what had been posted about the events of the past two days, but beyond a single blurry photo of Rumi and what looked like her and Zoey on stage at the Idol Awards that was used in the announcement of their “break-up”, she couldn’t find any footage or images from that night. Fans who were at the Idol Awards were complaining that they had lost all their content to the “power surge” that had shorted out the stage lights. Mira remembered hearing a demonic scream just before they reached the stage wings and saw Rumi under a single sputtering spotlight, her patterns glowing an angry pink and purple. She figured Rumi must have caused the surge that affected everyone’s electronics, even the live stream that got cut didn’t seem to retain any of the footage besides the one screenshot.

It did mean she had to go off their accounts as to what had actually happened on stage after she and Zoey were foolish enough to fall for the demon’s trick with the fake Bobby and Takedown had started playing. But going off the fear and panic and pain Rumi seemed to be in as she all but fell down the stairs to where they had been standing, hoping what they’d seen wasn’t true, she knew it was nothing good. A lot of people were talking about their “breakup fight” on stage. The things Mira read made her heart hurt. The idea that they had left Rumi alone to deal with two demons who had no qualms about shoving her roughly around the stage before stripping her jacket off. Mira knew it wasn’t her and Zoey on stage in that moment, but the photo looked very real. There would have to be some careful planning to figure out a story to cover it up and clarify that Huntrix was still very much together. Or at least she hoped.

She was also wracked with guilt for raising her weapon to Rumi. Seeing the fear, the brief flash of hope as she realised it hadn’t been her bandmates on stage, followed by pain as she met Mira’s gaze and saw the impact of her lies being revealed as their eyes never fully left her skin after seeing the glowing marks. They way she had crumpled into herself, as Zoey had joined her in preparing her weapons after shooting Rumi down with the comment about not knowing her lies from her truth, before running away, tears filling her face.

Mira had snapped out of it the moment Rumi had left her line of sight. And as much as she immediately wanted to chase after her, to apologise, to understand what had happened, she couldn’t. She was too scared to hear something that would confirm that this family she thought she’d found wasn’t actually real. It was easier to sit with the anger at the betrayal in that moment, and the Gwi-Ma had latched onto her fears then, amplifying them before she could talk herself down like she normally would. Pushing Rumi from her mind with promises of a family in place of the one she had already had, and got so close to losing to his empty words.

She had known in her heart it was still Rumi. Her Rumi. Demons didn’t run from them. They fought to the death every time. And yet she had hesitated, she had betrayed her friend too in that moment. And that was going to haunt her for a while, she knew it.

The fans were also going wild over Rumi’s “new look”, feelings seeming very split on a love/hate divide. Hopefully that would calm down once they got used to the change.

Mira would have to get used to the change… She took a moment to glance over at Rumi, the patterns now on her face visible, but looking less angry than they had at the Awards. Her face looked a bit more peaceful, her breathing evening out more and more. It was still her Rumi. Even with the changes. Even with the lies. She had so many questions. So many feelings. But her heart knew she didn’t want “this” to end yet if it didn't have to, whatever “this” was now.

As she continued to hunt the fan sites and even checked the dark web through an old profile of hers to make sure there wasn’t anything being privately “leaked”, the Honmoon pulsed with a knowing energy. Mira couldn’t help but think it too may have had a hand in covering this up from the public, reducing the reach and the evidence of what actually happened as much as possible. It sometimes felt eerily alive when they needed it. And the last thing the three of them needed on top of navigating… everything… was the fans’ input as well.

And then the Saja Boy’s concert, no-one was filming it, everyone trapped in the trance Gwi-Ma put them in. The comment boards and chat threads all seemed full of confusion. And for once Mira was grateful that rumours came and went like fruit flies in regards to Idols, as it meant a lot of the stories that were actually closest to being true were getting dismissed as ridiculous.

She finally felt the pull of exhaustion, the Honmoon gently humming as it helped lull her to sleep, as she acknowledged there was a lot of healing ahead of them. But Rumi was here, she was safe, they all were. And they would make it through this together, like they always had.

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Zoey woke to a sharp cry from Rumi, and in turn startled Mira awake as she jumped up, hand clutching tighter around Zoey’s waist where it had ended up in their sleep as she tried to pull her way back to consciousness. They both turned immediately to Rumi, worry filling their hearts as they took in the sight of her hunched forward, having clearly tried to get up on her own. Mira briefly wondered if she’d forgotten about the pain initially.

“Rumi?! Are you okay?!” Zoey was practically vibrating as she fought to keep from jumping forward and holding on to Rumi, opting instead to latch on to Mira’s arm.

Rumi looked over, confusion at the two of them still being there painting her face as she fought through the fog of sleep that was also now laced with the sharp sting of pain.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you”. Her voice was hoarse, but at least her breathing seemed to be coming easier. Talking didn’t hurt as much, but it still felt like her throat was filled with sand.

“That’s not important, are you okay?” Mira pressed, not letting Rumi dodge the question.

“I-” Rumi was fighting everything in herself to not brush them off with her usual “I’m Fine”, knowing full well that was a lie, and one they wouldn’t believe anyway. Her voice was small as she spoke “I’m- I… don’t know. It’s never hurt like this before”.

Mira glanced at Zoey, whose eyes were glistening with unshed tears. “What’s helped it in the past?”

“Just- Usually I just have to wait it out. The patterns… when they spread it would normally stop hurting after a few hours. It’s never been this bad. Or lasted this long though”.

They were both a bit startled by how open Rumi was being, and it seems their shared glance about it wasn’t missed. Rumi curled a bit more into herself, hands wrapping around her body as she fought her instinct to hide away fully, giving her body this small win so her mind could take the chance to open up a bit more without as much pressure.

“I never wanted to lie to you. I never wanted to hide this… There’s no point trying now anyway. Even though I’m used to shutting you out, I don’t want to do that anymore. I always wanted to learn to let you in”.

They paused as they took in the confession, but both nodded quietly, knowing they wouldn’t take another lie easily and appreciating the importance of Rumi acknowledging her habit of shutting down, even if there was an explanation for why she had always fallen back on that now. But still, they were used to Rumi brushing them off, dealing with everything alone, so this was something they hoped they could get used to; being let in. And they both resolved to give Rumi as much time, space and support in working towards that simultaneously with silent promises to themselves.

“Do you have any idea why it’s different this time?” Zoey’s voice trembled slightly as she spoke.

Rumi shrugged, then winced before shaking her head. “Not for sure. But I have a guess”.

Mira had to give a gentle prompt when Rumi didn’t continue.

“I’m… half demon. And we just sealed the Honmoon…”

Rumi didn’t continue, but they understood what she was implying with the suggestion.

“Is the Honmoon hurting you?!” There was a bite to Mira’s tone that made the Honmoon ripple, almost as if it was trying to give an apology or protest its innocence.

“I don’t think it’s trying to. It could also be my body adjusting to the demon part of me getting cut off. It’s better than it was yesterday, but it still hurts like shit”.

Rumi rarely swore, so they knew she meant it. The momentary panic that Rumi might have been dying in front of them eased up when they heard it was better than last night though.

“How about your wounds? Do you want to check on them?” Mira wanted to keep the momentum up to make sure Rumi was okay before they settled into rest mode. They all needed some time to catch their breath until they had the energy for the conversations they needed to have.

Rumi paused, checking in on her body and sighing as she noticed her healing had slowed down.

“I think so, I’m not healing as fast as normal”.

That made both Mira and Zoey tense.

Zoey was the one who built up the courage to ask about that first. “Have you… had to heal a lot on your own?”

“Not… Nothing I couldn’t handle, and Celi-” Rumi cut herself off sharply, eyes scrunching shut as she shook her head.

“I was always fine. I could take more than most people, and I didn’t have a choice but to deal with it”.

“Why not? Why didn’t you let us help you?” Mira’s voice rarely let slip what she was feeling to anyone who didn’t already know how to read her, so the hurt and frustration that clearly laced into her words was enough to pull Rumi’s gaze to meet hers.

“I was told to hide. That I was a mistake. I wanted to let you in. So many times, I wanted to. But I wasn’t allowed to. And by the time you met me, I was already pretty convinced I was wrong anyway, so it felt like the right thing to do. It was… right… to just keep going like that”.

Mira and Zoey felt the tears spilling before either of them could stop them as they watched Rumi curl her knees up, wincing in pain but still trying to make herself smaller in front of them both.

“Celine told you to hide, didn’t she?” Mira spat out the name of their mentor, having already noted something off in the way Rumi had stalled over her name, then avoided it entirely.

Rumi stayed quiet, but nodded into her knees as her hands clenched slightly.

“That cold-hearted bitch!”

The older Hunters were both startled by Zoey’s outburst. She swore even less than Rumi, preferring to find more creative insults and curses. It was enough to ease Rumi into a more relaxed sitting position again as she let out a small chuckle.

“Yeah, last night really woke me up to that”.

There was a weight to what Rumi just said that made the other two freeze, ice filling their veins as they both felt a shiver run up their spines.

Mira sensed Zoey was about to ask about it, leaning forwards as she fought her instinct to hold Rumi, and realised that was not a conversation for right now.

“Yeah. But we still need to check you over and then get some food in you. Maybe also get you into something a bit more practical than your bathrobe?”

Rumi gave her a small, but appreciative smile, as she nodded, already feeling ready to be out of the performance underwear she could still feel herself wearing.

“Could… could you help me again… please?” She hated feeling so useless. She was meant to be the one who carried the team as the leader and yet here she was, unable to even change on her own. But she was fighting hard to keep shame from letting her reach out this time, because she genuinely didn’t know if she’d be able to get the garments off on her own.

Zoey jumped up onto all fours by Rumi and said she’d get started on preparing some food. Mira was the one who always helped patch the two of them up after fights anyway, and she knew she needed to put space between herself and Rumi until she was more comfortable with being touched, so she didn’t accidentally hurt her again.

Mira nodded and Rumi gave Zoey’s hand an appreciative, but still very gentle squeeze before she pushed herself up and moved out of range. That gesture had Zoey shining for the first time since the Idol Awards, quenching some of her anxieties over the reaction she had caused Rumi to have the night before. Their maknae practically skipped out of the room, humming drifting through the apartment until they heard the sound of the pans being rifled through take over.

Mira glanced at Rumi, who looked exhausted still and gently moved to get up before Rumi could try anything. She walked round to the edge of the bed and stopped Rumi before she had to watch her awkwardly shuffle to the edge of the bed in agony by gently picking her up. It wasn’t often Rumi let herself be held like this, she had always been anxious about a sleeve riding up and showing her marks accidentally, but there had been a few times when she’d taken a bad hit or been knocked out in fights that Mira had to help her out. She felt safe in Mira’s arms, in a way she wished she could ignore, because it made the distance she had to hold the others to at that much harder to bear. Made her feel like she didn’t deserve to feel that way at all because of how she treated them and pushed them away when all they gave her was kindness.

Mira set her down on the stone countertop of her bathroom, on top of the bundle of towels left over from last night for some padding, and as painful as it was to sit on the harder surface, it was still better than it had been the night before. Where even the bed felt too hard for her to handle. Rumi watched as Mira carefully undid the knot of her robe, letting her help pull the sleeves down so they didn’t drag along her skin too much. The amount of care this woman was giving her made her heart hurt, made the way she’d locked them out for so long feel that much more like a wasteful loss. That she was being treated so gently despite what she was, despite the lies, the hurt, everything. They were still there for her. She wasn’t fool enough to think they weren’t also hurting, but she was so grateful to Mira for giving her a bit of time and space to process before they had those conversations. For once, Rumi didn’t want to hide or deflect anything. But she did want to wait until she was ready to handle their reactions for the harder, heavier parts.

Mira took her time, slowly going over each wound to see if any needed bandaging or sticky stitches (she wasn’t about to suggest hospital for real stitches, they had long since had to rule that option out once they became famous). It was the first time she saw that Rumi did, in fact, heal faster than her and Zoey, despite the boost they all got from the Honmoon as Hunters. Even her deepest wounds seemed to be well on the way to healing shut without a trace.

With a sigh of relief, Mira moved to pick up the scissors again, holding them out to Rumi. “I didn’t know if you’d be comfortable with me doing this for you last night. And I can wait outside if you want to be alone for this”.

Rumi’s heart swelled, she didn’t deserve these two. She couldn’t understand how a monster like her could be so lucky.

She shuffled to the edge of the counter, gently easing herself down before turning to face the mirror. As soon as she caught sight of her reflection, she snapped her eyes shut and immediately turned away again, her stomach churning as it twisted at the glimpse of the marks on her face. “I… I don’t know if I’m ready to see myself like this yet…”

Mira understood, her heart breaking as she caught the flash of shame and self-hatred that had clouded Rumi’s eyes in her reflection in that brief moment. “Okay. I’ll cut what we need to then let you get changed”.

Rumi nodded, heart thumping as Mira gently took each shoulder strap and cut them, before slicing the back of the bra (Rumi spared a twisted thanks that she hadn’t worn her favourite) in a way that meant Rumi was still covered. The boyshorts were loose enough that Rumi felt confident she could handle them alone and said as much when Mira had asked.

Mira nodded and stepped out to grab some clothes for Rumi, picking loose sweatpants and an oversized long-sleeved shirt that was lightweight enough that it hopefully wouldn’t sit too heavy against Rumi’s skin, placing them on the counter by Rumi and asking if she wanted any underwear too.

Rumi declined the extra layer, knowing she was already running on fumes, and not wanting to have to change more than absolutely necessary. Not long after, despite a few hisses as she moved wrong or bumped herself and a lot of frustration at how much longer it was taking her body to complete this basic task, she was dressed.

It felt refreshing to be in clean clothes, and she was grateful to Mira for the long sleeves as she caught another glimpse of herself in the mirror, before promptly leaving the room with shame twisting a knife into her gut, following the smell of bacon and the familiar sounds of her fellow Hunters singing as she tried to shake the feeling off.

They both turned to her as she walked in, looking worried still, but calmed slightly as she gave them a small smile and took her usual seat at their breakfast bar, pulling her sleeves over her hands subconsciously. She watched Zoey dance around preparing three large helpings of savory bacon pancakes, as Mira got up to grab some leftover kimchi and a trio of smoothies from the fridge to add on the side. “It’s basically lunch time but we missed breakfast we slept so long. So I made something that covers both. Can’t ever go wrong with pancakes”.

The older two nodded their agreement. As Zoey put their plates down in front of them, she hesitated next to Rumi, who picked up on the younger’s inner turmoil and again took the lead to gently reach out and rest her hand on her bicep, as she mumbled a quiet, but sincere, “Thank you”.

Zoey beamed again, satisfied for the moment as she went to take her spot on the other side of Mira, who had swapped to the middle seat Zoey usually occupied to add a physical barrier for Zoey to help contain herself, and holy fuck these two were too good to Rumi.

They ate quietly. Rumi could feel the eyes of her bandmates on her, almost like they were taking shifts keeping watch over her. She tried to ignore the voices in her head telling her it was their disgust at her new markings. Patterns she’d never be able to hide again. Instead focusing on making herself eat. Even as she felt nauseous, the nerves eating at her coupled with the still lingering pain teaming up to tap dance across her insides in steel lined boots. She kept stalling, picking at the food as she let another wave pass, before taking another bite. Food that would normally be inhaled took her nearly an hour to eat. But she did it. And her girls waited. Even though they were both long finished, they waited.

The silence wasn’t uncomfortable, but it held the weight of all the things unsaid, crackling in anticipation. The words hanging in the air like a storm cloud waiting to break over the three of them. Rumi could feel her flight instincts fighting (ironically) to take over, to pull her into her room, behind the “safety” of a locked door and the practiced familiarity of solitude. So she could sit and process everything. Maybe even wait for it all to pass. But trying to deal with things alone is what led to this mess, to the hurt and damage she had caused. And it wasn’t going away this time. Not if she wanted any chance of healing her connections to the two women she couldn’t imagine living without.

Mira stepped up to collect their dishes, taking her time sorting them into the dishwasher as Zoey grabbed some snacks, still hungry despite the hearty meal she’d had three portions of on top of two smoothies and the rest of the kimchi left by Mira and Rumi.

Rumi sensed Mira was also helping buy her some time, which she was grateful for, as much as it also gave her mind time to run circles around why she was still sitting there. Why she thought she had a chance to fix anything, especially when she was still wrong even after sealing the Honmoon. Why they were still here with her, after seeing the monster she was. Why she shouldn’t just go to her room? Be alone like she was supposed to be?

Mira seemed to almost be able to read her mind, as her voice cut through to interrupt the spiral. “Whatever your brain is doing right now, I can practically hear it. We need to talk. Ideally before you go putting your walls up again”. Mira paused for a moment, steeling herself before continuing. “If you still want to talk, that is?”

The question was laced with apprehension and vulnerability. Rumi knew Mira hated even offering this out to her. She was always the one who cut straight to the point when something needed to be said.

Rumi felt a tremble pass through her. She wanted to, but she was still terrified. Almost three decades of being told she was wrong and unloveable wasn’t going to just disappear. Almost three decades of lies that had also forced her to hold everyone, but especially the two people she considered her closest family, at arms length for the decade she’d known them had come to light and ended up hurting the same people she was trying to protect. Or protect herself from, she was never quite sure. And that hurt too. Because they had never given her any reason to believe they wanted to hurt her. In all the time she’d known them they had always been there. Ready to help her the second asked for the smallest thing, or be there the moment she let them put even a half a foot through the gates to her walls. But she wanted to at least try to let them in this time. If they didn’t want her after… she would figure things out from there. But so far everything they had done was undermining what Cel- what had been drilled into her throughout her life. That she would be alone. Hated. Feared. But her girls were still there, and she wanted to give them the same chance they were giving her.

“I do still want to talk”.

The way Mira’s shoulders relaxed and the small, hopeful smile she saw was enough to convince her that this was worth fighting for.

Zoey popped up next to Mira. “This is going to suck, isn’t it?”

The older two couldn’t hold back their laughs at the comment, before both grimacing in agreement. Nods and hums of agreement filled the space, as Zoey suggested the move to the couch, so they could at least be comfy while things sucked.

Rumi allowed herself a small smile as she stood, wincing as her legs cried out, but noting the pain was definitely less now as she followed the others over.

They took up the same seating order as they had for breakfast once Rumi finally shuffled her way across the space, as Zoey set the pile of snacks down on the coffee table in front of them. Mira leaned forward to grab some crisps, passing Rumi her favourite flavour, which she took and set next to her for the moment with a nod of thanks.

She had no idea where to start. But she had to start with something, and a quiet “I’m sorry” that cut through the snack crunches like a cleaver felt like a start of sorts.

The other girls looked slightly startled, turning to her as they paused their snacking and gave her room to continue.

Rumi felt her mind running rampant, her filter failing to catch the thoughts that started spilling from her as she felt something give out within herself, anxiously trying to fill the silence as the pressure piled onto the crack that had formed in her walls. “I… I never wanted to lie to you. It hurt every day having to push you away. I wanted so desperately to join you in everything. But I had to seal the Honmoon first, so I could fix myself before-”.

“There is nothing to fix Rumi” Mira cut her off (what she hoped was) gently. The eldest hated seeing Rumi like this. She knew all too well how the voices could beat you down over time, she’d fought enough of them off in her time.

“I’m a mistake!” Rumi’s voice was filled with venom directed at herself, the same one that had been pumped into her from day one. “I shouldn’t exist. I go against everything we were taught!” She couldn’t hold back the outburst now, hands balling into white knuckled fists, her inner demons rising to the gauntlet Mira had unintentionally thrown at their feet. “I almost ruined everything. I almost got everyone killed. Because I wasn’t good enough or fast enough or strong enough. Because I was never meant to exist. What kind of person would destroy the thing they swore to protect?! If I had never existed this wouldn’t have happened. People wouldn’t have died like that. All I’ve done is hurt people. I don’t even know what I did to deserve the time I got to spend with you two”

Mira let her thoughts run their course, horrified by what she was hearing coming from the leader she cherished so dearly, but almost grateful (that wasn’t the right word but she couldn’t figure out a better one right now) for the insight into where Rumi was. It meant they had a chance of actually being able to help her with the weight of the things that were heavy on her. The last line also sent a chill through Mira, just like her comment about Celine had in the brief conversation they’d started earlier. It felt so final. Like Rumi had already resigned herself to a fate that was still unspoken. But she seemed to forget her fate also involved two other people now, who just so happened to have their own free will. The way Zoey had her arm in a death grip, tight enough that Mira wasn’t sure it wouldn’t bruise, was a pretty solid indicator she too had picked up on the weight of the undertones in Rumi’s words.

Neither of them pressed though, both staying as still as possible to let Rumi run her thoughts out.

“I lied to you both, for so long! I was never meant to be this close to anyone. It was better for me to be alone. I wasn’t meant to be lo- I never should have wanted… I don’t deserve yo-”.

“Please stop saying that”. Zoey’s voice was small. It shook as she spoke around the tears she was fighting so hard to hold back. But it was enough to make Rumi stall.

Her brain caught up to what she had just poured out to them both, and she instinctively brought her knees up to her chest, breathing deeply though the pain as her body protested, while her mind still insisted that being smaller was safer somehow.

Watching Rumi retreat into herself pulled Mira and Zoey closer, both shuffling in, while still leaving a breath of space to avoid making Rumi feel piled on.

“You deserve so much more than you have been told”. Mira’s voice was firm and sure, though there was a tremor lacing the edges of it. “Honestly, I’m so mad at myself for not putting the pieces together sooner. For not noticing how much you were carrying on your own. I should have- No. I did see the signs. But I was scared to overstep. I didn’t want to act like something was there when it wasn’t in a way that might push you further from us. You are my family Rumi, you and Zoey. And I’m terrified at how close I got to losing that. Because I was too stuck in my own head to see you. I’m so mad at myself for doubting you. For pushing you away. For betraying you too. I’m so sorry Rumi”.

Rumi for her part looked like a deer in headlights, Mira rarely spoke so candidly about her emotions. She was much more of a show don’t tell kind of person, which also fed into her terrifying ability to read into the souls of people, especially once she figured out your tells to then do things you often didn’t even realise you needed until she did.

“Me too. I’m sorry I didn’t stop to think that night. I couldn’t see past the hurt of finding out you’d lied. Looking back, it hurt a bit because of the betrayal initially, sure. But it was mostly because we found out you were carrying something so big on your own for so long. I’m sorry we made you feel you weren’t worthy of love or support. In any way we could be there for you. That we pushed you away the one time you really tried to reach out to us. That we couldn’t help you carry your load”. Zoey was rambling, she knew she was. But she wanted to make sure she said as many of the important things as possible before she forgot or the conversation moved too far or too fast for her to mention it later. “And I’m so mad that anyone would tell you anything besides how incredible you are, in every way. Or try to convince you that you were anything less than. Rumi, we have so much love for you. It hurts so much seeing you believe there’s even a possibility where that’s not the case. We messed up. Badly. But if you’ll let us, can we show you how wrong we were?”

Rumi could feel the sting of tears pricking her eyes, even through her bafflement. She didn’t know what to say to these two women who were her whole world. Who were still here, despite everything she had done to hurt them and push them away.

“You never made me feel pushed out or unworthy”. Rumi’s voice ghosted out of her, all the fight she had put into keeping her walls up draining from her as they started to chip and crumble, the cracks deepening as if readying themselves for a catastrophic failure. “I did that myself”.

The admission hung heavy between them, a breath of silence before Rumi choked out a small sob, burying her face into her knees as the tears she fought so hard to hold back started to fall.

Mira’s heart felt like it was in a vice grip as she gently reached out to the purple haired ball. As soon as her hand made contact with Rumi’s shoulder, she slumped sideways into Mira, who wrapped around her shoulders in a gentle, but solid hug. Zoey stood and moved to Rumi's other side, easing herself against her so she too could wrap her arms around Rumi’s waist, making sure the two of them were holding as much of her as possible without putting too much pressure on her body.

Their dual comfort seemed to snap something in Rumi. The tears flowed heavier, her sobs wracking her body. But her hands found her bandmates, her soulmates. Gripping on to Mira’s forearm and Zoey’s hand, scared that if she let go, she’d wake up from this dream to find herself alone again.

 

The three stayed huddled together on the sofa, crying themselves to exhaustion. Even after they ran out of energy and tears, none of them made any move to change their positions.

Mira and Zoey eventually felt Rumi’s body release the tension it was holding, but the hands holding them stayed strongly in place. They knew she was asleep, her breathing evening out to a pattern they had long since memorised after many sleepovers and nights on tour buses and overnight flights.

They exchanged a glance over her head, both sharing their worries about the glimpse they had gotten into how much Rumi had been carrying by herself for so long.

Zoey clearly wanted to talk, and Mira gave her a small nod, a go-ahead that she was up for it.

“What are we going to do Mira? She’s been alone with this for so long, and we didn’t know”.

“I don’t know”. Mira hated admitting that, Zoey’s hand finding her waist around Rumi to try and convey as much comfort as she could without disturbing Rumi, as Mira was reminded of how much her mask was off around her girls for that to shine through. She was so often the anchor point in the group. The one who would reign in Zoey’s giant list of ideas to a smaller, more manageable selection. The one who would help settle Rumi’s anxieties on the rare occasion they flared in front of the other two, even when they had no basis or reason for being (not that anxiety is always logical), because Rumi would have got through it alone if she had to. She had just reinforced that with a sledgehammer to the hearts of her bandmates with how much she had been shouldering alone. But if there was one thing she’d learnt from the therapy she had gone to after joining Huntrix, when she was finally able to afford it herself, it was that healing took time. A lot more than people liked to admit or wanted to wait for. “This isn’t going to go away overnight. For any of us. But we’re together, and we’ll get through this together. That much I’m certain of”.

-----

Chapter Text

When Rumi finally woke up, the sun was already starting to set again. She felt a moment of panic as she registered her inability to move, but it was quickly quelled when she felt Zoe snuggle closer into her with a small whine of protest at the movement disturbing her.

She immediately relaxed, letting herself sink back into the warmth of the girl sprawled across her stomach, before realising Mira was still there too when her arms held Rumi slightly firmer to her chest in her sleep, acting as a pillow for the younger women. The fact they were both still here with her, when she was so sure they would be afraid of her, that they would hate her, was causing a lot of conflict in her mind. She was so utterly convinced she’d be alone if her secret ever got out, that she had never once considered what would happen if they did actually accept her.

She knew they were all hurting. She had done a lot of damage to the trust in their relationship by caving to Celine’s pressure to hide herself. That was a burden she would take responsibility for, even though she knew deep down she should never have had to carry it. But what is a child supposed to do when their parent figure was telling them they were a mistake that needed to hide from the moment they could understand what that meant. Rumi had spent her entire life making herself smaller. Hiding in the background until she was strategically shoved into the spotlight. And even then nothing she ever did was enough. She was never perfect enough. Even when she did everything she was told. So she made herself smaller still. She knew how to move silently, hiding in the spaces she was supposed to call home. From the moment she learnt that creaking floorboards would be met with a stinging cheek, a hair out of place would mean drills until her body burned and her lungs were raw, or a word out of turn would result in sore knuckles followed by lines about respecting her elders, she did what she was told and made herself smaller. She let herself be shaped and molded. Living in the shadow of a woman she had never known while having to live up to her image in the spotlight. She had to be perfect. And so that’s all she knew how to do. Until she couldn’t be anymore. Her mind was still reeling as it struggled to process that she couldn’t hide anymore. She would never be “perfect” again.

The only thing that had made her life bearable, had made her feel like the burden she bore might be even a little bit worth it, was being able to meet her fellow Hunters. Celine had managed to track the other two down by the time they were in high school. So they were thrown together to finish school (Mira just in the same year as Rumi despite being nearly a year older, Zoey two years below them) and undergo Hunter training (mostly for Zoey and Mira to catch up, as Rumi had been running drills from the moment she could summon her saingeom), while learning how to be a team and superstardom worthy pop group. It was a steep learning curve, but their souls had connected immediately, making it significantly easier to navigate together.

She hated keeping the secret from them, holding them at arms length in a way she knew could eventually wear away their patience for her, but they had stayed. They had stuck with her. Even when she would disappear for days at a time after a fight with Celine when she found a rare burst of courage to bite back, when she would push them away and hide behind her locked bedroom door until their shadows finally disappeared to give her space to come back to them on her terms, or whenever she ran away to the quietest place she could find to cope with a panic or burn out. They were always there waiting for her with gentle eyes and open arms. They never left. And she was so grateful to them for that, but it also meant she didn’t know what to do right now. She should never have been seen like this, that was the plan, and yet here they were, still holding her like nothing had really changed. So much had though, and she was still terrified they might just be figuring out how to say they were done in a way that would let her down easier.

She gently lifted her hands, braving a glance at her new marks, only to be surprised to see them already fading like old scars. Not entirely disappearing, but whole sections of the marks that used to be an angry purple were becoming translucent, almost iridescent even, on her skin now. She found herself slightly lost in relief and confusion at how her gut reaction wasn’t purely self-loathing at the new tone to her patterns. There was the smallest hint of awe-laced fascination there too.

She felt a pair of eyes on her and twisted her head round to see Mira watching her with quiet interest.

“They’re changing…?” Mira looked curious at the new tone of her patterns, but there was only softness in her eyes. No trace of the fear or disgust Rumi was bracing (almost searching) for.

“Yeah… I- I didn't know they could look like this…”

Mira shifted slowly to free her left hand from where it was wedged between Rumi and Zoey’s torsos before reaching out and carefully taking Rumi’s hand in hers, running her thumb over the marks as she took them in with a level of care equal to that which one might treat a family heirloom that could fall apart if you looked at the wrong way.

Rumi tried not to react to the touch, her marks still felt like a bad sunburn, highly sensitive and unsure if they wanted to tickle, itch or hurt. She couldn’t hold in a small tremble though when Mira kept looking, kept touching.

Of course Mira noticed, feeling it run through the body that was pressed fully to her front. “Is this okay?” Her thumb paused as she waited for Rumi’s response.

“I… Um- Yeah?” Rumi’s voice stumbled slightly over the words. “It’s just… new? They still feel a bit more sensitive, and I don’t think I’ve fully processed you guys seeing them yet. Or any of this really”.

Mira’s gaze softened again as she resumed gentle circles on the back of Rumi’s hand, occasionally tracing the patterns exactly, then just loosely drawing her own aimless patterns into the back of Rumi’s hand.

They stayed like that, neither tired enough to sleep again yet, but both in total agreement that Zoey was not to be disturbed. Their maknae always felt things in extremes, and as such, was always extra tired or hungry after any big talks of fights they had.

Time felt like it didn’t exist in this moment, with the small bubble of comfort they had created.

They settled into a state of dozing, not fully conscious but definitely not asleep. Rumi knew that for certain, as Mira’s hand never stopped its exploration of Rumi’s, and that was enough to hold Rumi in a trance-like state almost akin to rest, at least for the moment.

The front door slamming open shattered the peace though.

All three Hunters were on their feet, ready to draw weapons and throw hands (or couch pillows) in a flash. Mira and Zoey vaulting over the back of the sofa to try and get to a more open area to square up before they registered the frantic voice of their manager.

“Girls?! Girls, are you okay?!” Bobby came barrelling down the corridor, skidding to an unruly stop as he saw them, all still waking up from the sleep or near-sleep they had been in before the disruption.

“Oh thank heavens! You weren’t answering your phones and the chat sites are going wild about your break up at the Idol Awards! Some people are also claiming they saw a concert at Namsan Tower with the Saja Boys and you? But no one seems to have any information and you weren't picking up or answering your messages and-”

“Sorry Bobby”. Mira was the first to regain her wits. “Our phones are all in our rooms and we accidentally fell asleep on the sofa after everything. But we need to do something about the breakup rumours though asap, as they’re not true”.

“I’m so glad you’re okay! And that you’re still together! I couldn’t imagine working for another group, not after how well you’ve treated me. What was with the Idol Awards performance though? We didn’t discuss any of that?”.

“It’s hard to explain, I think we wanted to try something in a bit of a new direction off the back of the Saja Boy’s fight to see if we could angle for a slightly harder style. But as interesting as it was to try, I don’t think it’s right for us”.

Bobby seemed to accept Mira’s response and started plotting all the press bits and social media posts he’d need to sort to get that story out, immediately going through a list of things to do, muttering as he entered “manager mode” now he knew his girls were okay.

“Right, I think with a few press releases and a bit of playing the hashtags, we can get this back under control”. He seemed to pause for a moment. “Maybe we skip mentioning the Saja Boys’ fight and just go off the general rivalry plot though. We want to distance ourselves from them as much as possible right now”.

“Why? What happened?” Zoey piped up in curiosity.

“There’s been chatter that the police want to talk to them about the alleged unauthorised concert at the Tower, but no-one seems to have any clear answers about what that’s about. Also there’s been speculation about how their sudden appearance and rise to fame alongside the rise of missing people cases has now drawn some suspicions, as the disappearances seemed to have practically stopped now they’re nowhere to be found”.

The three shared a look of relief that the heat seemed to be off them for now, the last thing they needed was for the world to learn about demons now. Luckily the Honmoon had always done a lot to disguise the world of demons from those who weren’t connected to it and that was a blessing right now.

“I think there’s a lot of talking that needs to happen in general too. Especially if you’re not breaking up, as the Idol Awards are claiming they don’t know where the win for Saja Boys came from. No-one remembers making that call and you three were actually slated to win after their fight messed up the scheduling. But either way you girls were due a break after the show, and I think it’s best you lie low for a bit anyway. We’ll discuss what a return will look like after you take some time to rest. No work allowed until I say so”.

The three harmonised a “Yes Bobby” and he looked satisfied.

“Want me to book you any resorts? Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“No resorts for us please, our couch has been feeling left out recently. But-”

“SNACKS!” Zoey jumped in over Mira.

“That would be great actually. All the usual snacks, enough to last at least the week for now please. And also book yourself and the team a proper treat or getaway on us, as soon as you can around the press management please. You’re also all long overdue an actual break. We’ll deal with everything else with social media and comeback planning when we’re ready, the fans will wait”.

“On it, and thank you girls. You’re all amazing!”

As he went to turn around, his eyes fell on Rumi and he paused.

“Is your face okay Rumi?”

Rumi looked like a deer in headlights, as she wasn’t sure how much humans could see of her patterns.

He took a step closer before Zoey and Mira stepped in between the two of them.

“She was sleeping on my hoodie, it’s just some marks from that”, Mira said.

“Don’t worry Bobby, we’re looking after each other. You should focus on the social media stuff. You’re always the best at that”. Zoey knew how to play up the innocent maknae with Bobby to throw him off the scent of anything related to their demon hunting whenever he got too close to finding out about a bad bruise or torn costumes they had to fight in due to a last minute demon attack. But she didn’t like doing it unless absolutely necessary, as it made her feel manipulative (her words).

He nodded between them and voiced his appreciation for them being on top of things before twirling on his heels and walking out of their apartment with a bit more spring to his step.

Rumi stumbled back, nearly missing the beanbag she hoped was where she remembered it being, as her knees finally gave out.

“Rumi! Are you okay?” Zoey pounced back over the sofa and was beside Rumi in the blink of an eye.

Mira followed slightly slower, keeping a close eye on the other two as Rumi tried to steady her breathing. Her vision felt like it was darkening at the edges, and she could feel her chest starting to tighten as the panic pressed into her, making it harder to draw in a breath.

When she reached the other two, Mira took Rumi’s hand in her own, nodding to Zoey to do the same.

“Rumi, try to stay with us. We’ve got you”.

Rumi felt the hands holding her with a determination that seemed like they were trying to tether her to reality, refusing to let her drift into the void her mind was free-falling towards. It was working. Mira held Rumi’s hand up to her chest, letting her feel and then start to mirror her breathing to help bring Rumi’s back into a more natural rhythm.

Rumi’s breathing evened out much faster than normal as she reflected Mira’s breathing, anchoring herself to the two through their gentle but determined touch, and she didn’t slip into full tunnel vision for once. She pulled herself back from the edge carefully, as if moving too fast might send her back into the darkness. Sitting back a bit more once she felt like the world wasn’t shifting around her, making room for the others to nestle into her sides a bit more to ground her further.

They sat together like that, content in the stillness as Rumi continued to settle.

“I’m sorry”.

“You don’t have to be sorry Rumi. We haven’t talked about what to do about your patterns yet, if you want to do anything about them of course. We can also just leave it for now. We don’t even know if humans can see them on you when they’re normally hidden on demons by the Honmoon”.

Zoey was right. They had no idea how much her marks would actually be visible, but how close Bobby seemed to get to seeing them made Rumi’s chest tighten again at the possibility of not being able to hide them from the world. If they were actually visible, they needed to come up with a plan, or a story to explain them.

Mira cut her train of thoughts off. “I think we should sit down and start to get our stories straight about everything soon”. She stood, Zoey following as the two gently pulled Rumi to her feet too. “Come on, let’s get something to eat, then maybe head to bed properly. I don’t know about you two, but I’m already ready to sleep again”.

Rumi and Zoey nodded, following on to the kitchen as Mira silently went to their pantry cupboard that was solely devoted to their ramyeon stash. They each had two shelves full of their individual flavours (each collection missing a few already), with another two shelves given over to flavours they all liked, but didn’t have as often, in case they felt like switching it up and to make sure their stashes were as even as possible. They were all big fans of the easy option the noodle pots provided when they were too tired to think about food, but knew they needed to eat. Or when they just wanted something quick and comforting. She grabbed two each for her and Zoey and one for Rumi.

As they waited for the kettle to boil, Rumi spoke up, her eyes firmly fixed on tracing the patterns in the marble countertop in front of her like she’d never seen them before.

“I don’t want to hide anymore”. The other two turned to face her, Zoey taking her hand again to encourage her to continue. “I don’t know how much people will be able to see them, but I think they can see something because of my human half”.

“Your what?!”

Rumi looked up, wincing slightly as she was surprised by Zoey’s outburst which made the grip on her hand tighten in a way that stung (earning her an apologetic wince in return as well as the pressure letting up), before remembering she hadn't actually explained anything to them properly yet, as she also caught Mira’s baffled stare. Especially as the only other time she’d mentioned it had a slightly different point they focused on; when they thought there was a chance she was maybe dying a bit because of the Honmoon.

“Yeah, my dad was apparently a demon, so I’m half demon. Hence…” She gestured generally to herself, the implication of reference to her patterns understood without elaboration by the other two. “I was told he vanished before I was born, and my mum-”. She ground to a halt as she realised she’d never actually learned how her mother had died, just that she had died shortly after Rumi was born. Celine had always moved the conversation on or just flat out ignored Rumi whenever she asked about her mother, and it wasn’t until this moment Rumi realised she’d never actually got any answers.

“You don’t have to talk about this if you’re not ready”. Mira was very wary of not wanting to overdo it with Rumi and have her shut down again.

“No, it’s not that. I just realised I don’t actually know how my mum died… I did ask…” Rumi got slightly lost for a moment before shaking off the thoughts and continuing. “Anyway, yeah. She was a Hunter too. But you already knew that. So I think I sit between the two worlds a bit more than I’m meant to. And that’s probably why Bobby could see something on me. I think I want to pick a story that means I don’t have to hide anymore though. I’m so tired of it”.

The others knew not to say anything yet, Rumi always had a look when she was trying to figure out what to say next. They knew that if she got interrupted, she would more often than not stop, making herself smaller and letting the conversation move past her instead of continuing. This was not something they wanted to risk being cut off.

“I think… I think I want to just call them my patterns. It feels like the easiest thing to call them. Say they’re something that are a part of me and I was wearing clothes and makeup to cover them until I was ready to talk about them. This new step for us feels like the best chance I have to make this kind of change”. Her free hand fiddled with the hem of her sleeve as Mira moved to pour the water into the pots, setting them down so they could steep. “We can say the Idol Awards was meant to be their debut as part of our exploration of the “harder image” off the back of the story you gave Bobby, but we didn’t feel right centering the change after the confusion, so they’re coming out now instead”.

“What do you want to say if people ask what they are though?” Zoey tilted her head, not quite understanding.

“I think I just want to call them patterns. Let everyone think what they want to about them from that. But I don’t want to lie and say they’re tattoos or something like that. Especially if it could influence anyone to get something similar because of me. If they do that when we just call them patterns and nothing else then it’s on them, not us, right?”

“I like it. No lies but not telling them anything more than they need to know”. Mira pushed their pots toward them before handing over chopsticks and joining them in her regular spot again. “Seems the easiest way to approach this. And we can just act like nothing has changed around that to encourage people to move on faster. Just grey rock the shit out of any conversation about them until people get bored”.

Zoey nodded eagerly. “That sounds like a good plan, though you’ll need to give me a nudge if I forget. You know I’m not good at the whole ‘not engaging’ thing, especially when we’re on the spot”. The other two confirmed they were up for that as Zoey and Mira wolfed down their noodles, waiting again for Rumi as she was still finding food a bit hard.

“You two don’t have to wait”.

“We know," Mira said.

“We want to,” Zoey finished.

“Oh… Thank you…”

Rumi tried not to feel self conscious, and Mira seemed to sense this as she got up to prepare a third pot for her and Zoey. Her comment about still being hungry most likely being true, but her choice to state it to draw Zoey’s attention a bit was a deliberate choice to get some of the heat off Rumi, who still felt like she was under a microscope every time her bandmates looked at her too long or too hard.

Rumi had finished by the time the others had downed their second pots and she made the first move towards the stairs to head up to her room.

Zoey appeared beside her, not touching but far closer than she had to be. Rumi could see the worry painted across her face, and figured they were still wary about her ability to walk unassisted, given the state of her the night before.

She didn’t blame them, if it were reversed she would probably be the same. But this was the first time they were seeing how much faster she recovered from things, so it made sense they didn’t know where she was in terms of healing.

Her room was the first they came to, and she found herself hesitating, hand resting on the door handle, but making no move to open the door yet.

“Hey, you okay?” Mira came up and put a gentle hand on her shoulder, pulling back immediately when Rumi flinched, but she didn’t seem to really register that she had reacted as she turned to the others.

“I…” Words felt like they were getting lodged in her throat, even as she tried to clear it.

“It’s okay, take your time”. Zoey stepped forward, resting her hand on Rumi’s bicep (no flinch this time Mira noted).

Rumi wasn’t sure why her words were sticking like this. It wasn’t like what she wanted was a new thing for them. She didn’t want to be alone. But she didn’t feel like she was allowed to ask for this. She wasn’t meant to ask for anything anyway, she was the leader who was meant to carry them all. But especially now she’d failed, how could she ask for anything? Even if things had worked out in the end, she had still failed. And she had a permanent visual reminder of that failure now it seems. She shouldn’t want anything. Didn’t deserv-

She caught herself, remembering how Zoey had reacted when she had voiced the idea she didn’t deserve anything. Wasn’t worthy of them. But they were still here, both patiently waiting for her to work through her thoughts, Mira’s hand now rubbing easy circles across her lower back, helping to ground her alongside Zoey’s gentle hold.

No. She wanted to be selfish. While she could. While they were still saying it was okay.

She felt like she was on borrowed time, and if that was the case, she didn’t want to waste another second to the sinkhole the years gone had drowned in.

“I don’t think… I’m not ready to be alone yet… if that’s okay…?”

Mira and Zoey’s expressions softened immediately.

“Oh Rumi, that’s so okay. Do you two want to stay in my room tonight? I have so many blankets to choose from”.

“Is that why you demanded the room with the biggest bed? Also is that where all my blankets have gone?”

“No comment. Also my stuffies need space too, but they can stay on the floor for you two”.

“Aw, so generous”.

“They really are”.

“They owe us for the shows we’ve given them”.

Zoey let out an exaggerated gasp, clutching at non-existent pearls. “That was not for them to see!”

“And yet…”

Rumi watched their interaction, her fondness for the two warming her heart. Even as she felt the twinge of a familiar sadness at the ease of their bantering, as she found herself drifting off into her own thoughts.

It wasn’t deliberate on their parts, not at all. The collective years they had spent together, without Rumi, always meant they were closer than she had ever been with either of them.

It was inevitable.

And their explorations together over the later years, when they were seeking physical intimacy they had no time or space to explore outside their trio (as if they’d have permission from Celine even if they did), had only left Rumi further behind. She never resented them for exploring, for finding warmth in each other when all she had to offer were cold shoulders. But she felt a deep sadness that she hadn’t ever been able to even consider what that might look like for her with anyone else.

They had been transparent with Rumi about everything, and they had never moved into an actual relationship together. Even if Rumi (as oblivious as she could be) could see they both wanted with each other. And now they generally only sought the other out when there was a “need for something they couldn’t do themselves” they had said. But they were still closer, even in the smaller moments.

She loved watching them. And she didn’t- couldn’t care about being left out. She had other things to focus on.

“Rumi?” Mira gave her a gentle nudge, pulling her back to the present. Zoey was nowhere to be seen, but her door was open, so it was an easy guess where she’d gone.

“Sorry, Zoey’s room?”

“You sure you’re okay?”

“I think so?”

Mira seemed satisfied with that answer, at least it wasn’t a fake ‘I’m fine’ this time.

“Okay, you have an open door to say if that ever changes you know?”

Rumi met Mira’s eyes, not quite able to find words, but her nod seemed to be sufficient for Mira, who guided Rumi towards the open door.

“Oh my god Zoey, when was the last time you tidied in here?!”

Mira’s reaction to the chaos they had stepped into pulled a laugh out of Rumi, one that made the other two feel the warmth of relief wash over them as they saw their Rumi slowly coming back, even if it was still only in glimpses for the moment. Not that they weren’t both bracing for the dam breaking still.

“Before the Idol Awards. What time have we had for chores?!”

“Enough, also we have laundry baskets for a reason”

“But those aren’t dirty enough for that!”

“Then put them away?”

“They’re too dirty for that”.

“The floor is not meant to be storage for clothes”.

“And yet-” Mira poked Zoey’s side before she could quip back, making her squeal and try to step away from the offending tickle finger, almost faceplanting over the pile of hoodies she had forgotten existed. Mira’s raised eyebrow was all that was needed before Zoey huffed and went to change into her favourite turtle pyjamas. Mira and Rumi were both unbothered about staying in their current PJs, and Mira climbed into bed first, patting beside her to prompt Rumi to join.

“Zoey doesn’t want to be in the middle?”

“She’ll latch on to anyone, are you feeling less sore?”

Rumi paused to take in her body. She felt like a walking bruise, but the sharpness had dulled to an ache.

“A bit…”

“I’ll take cuddle duty tonight, just promise me you won’t try to sneak out on your own if you’re on the outside”.

“I… I promise”. Mira nodded, trusting Rumi and settling down on her back as Zoey went through her evening routine (she swore it helped her wind down and they knew better than to question any systems she claimed worked).

Rumi yielded when Mira reached out to pull her back to join her, tucking Rumi against her side so her head was resting against a pink hair covered shoulder. Rumi tensed slightly as she was so habituated to do when she experienced physical contact that didn’t come with conditions or pain initially, before relaxing down into Mira, curling her hands under her chin as she nestled in slightly deeper. She could have almost sworn she heard a contented sigh escape Mira, but it was so small, she wasn’t sure.

Zoey was done and followed Mira’s pat to settle on her other side. She reached over to Rumi, lacing their fingers together as she rested their joined hands on Mira’s stomach.

The warmth. The steady breaths. The slightly fluttering heartbeat under her. The gently held hands. Rumi felt so safe.

And as much as her mind was screaming at her for feeling that way, when she was the monster who made things unsafe. Tonight at least she wanted to pretend that wasn’t the case.

As she felt the edges of sleep take over, her heart tightened for a moment, but still she slipped into the darkness hoping the warmth would be enough.

-----

Cold.

That’s all she knew right now.

She was walking.

Alone.

The void stretching out in every direction.

No end or light in sight.

And so she kept walking.

Surrounded by darkness.

Not knowing if she was even moving.

It felt like an eternity.

Like her bones were freezing as her muscles ached with each step.

And then a flicker of light.

A small spark, come to life just off to her left.

She turned, feeling the cold sink deeper into her as she walked towards the source.

It was flickering orange to pink.

But the closer she got, the bigger the flame became.

The more purple started to leech into it.

And she wanted to run.

Turn her back.

Pretend this wasn’t happening.

She saw a familiar tree taking form.

Growing from the flames.

The white cloth burning purple.

The chains of fabric breaking as the fire consumed them.

Celine stood there unbothered.

Her gaze cold.

Her blade colder as she raised it up to Rumi.

Her voice had been in Rumi’s ear for her whole life.

But it had slowly morphed into her own voice echoing the words she’d been taught.

The tree burned.

Celine stepped back into the flames.

Even as she turned to ash, Rumi still found herself reaching out for a moment.

Gwi-Ma took form instead.

His flames towering over her.

Twisting into a crooked grin.

He didn’t say a word.

He had never had to.

Not that he had any control over her anyway.

But the voices were already there for him.

The shame.

Instead he turned to look to her left.

She fought with everything she could to not look.

Stop her body turning.

But she wasn’t in control.

She found herself face to face with a Mira and Zoey.

They looked like they did on stage.

Only, not quite right, as she looked closer.

Their eyes were cold. Sharp. Hollow.

Their hands twisted into claws that Rumi remembered sinking into her skin.

Dragging.

Tearing.

And then their eyes shifted, no longer gleaming with the hard edge.

Hands soft and human once more.

It was her Mira and Zoey now.

Their fear was almost tangible as they looked at her.

As fire started to engulf her body.

Searing pain through her.

Her body cried out.

The glint of a familiar blade flashing across her vision before darkness fell again.

-----

It was dark again.

Only this time, it was warm.

Rumi felt warmth all around her. Her breathing was ragged and her skin felt damp. But she was warm.

Her eyes opened, trying to see what was happening, but it was still dark. And she finally felt the pair of arms around her, holding her to a body that was rocking gently.

She wasn’t sure what was real right now, and so she panicked. Pushing, trying to escape the embrace holding her as her voice tripped over itself, unable to quite make it out.

A light flicked on and she caught sight of an equally panicked looking Zoey with her hand on the bedside lamp, before looking down to see the fluffy white sleeves covering the arms that were wrapped around her. Mira’s.

Her body sagged, realising she was back in reality now. She was shaking. Zoey carefully crawled over, using the edge of a blanket to wipe tears Rumi hadn’t even noticed were falling as Mira continued to gently rock them, trying to soothe her nervous system. Zoey eased Rumi’s hands out of the death grips they had on the bedsheet, letting Mira sit back a bit more comfortably as she held on still, thumbs gently soothing circles into the backs of her hands.

The two of them didn’t say a word, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to process them if they did, but Zoey started humming a random tune that often echoed through the penthouse. One that Mira knew and joined in with, their voices harmonising without a second thought. The vibrations Rumi felt through the taller woman’s chest grounded her even more, like their own form of purring.

As her breathing evened out, they made no move to change their positions. Rumi couldn’t remember if she’d ever been cradled like this. Held so tightly to another person for so long. Not counting being part of a cuddle pile while they were all absently watching a movie or having a rare sleepover in one of their beds after a long day.

This felt different. This was conscious, deliberate. The way she was being held, like she was a precious thing that might break. Again. She was already broken. And she had already broken so much around her too.

Her body tensed as the thoughts fell deeper into a spiral.

“Hey, stay here Rumi. We’ve got you”.

Mira’s voice rumbled through her, and she almost felt the words more than she heard them.

“You’re okay. You’re okay”.

Mira continued to rock her, as Zoey refused to let go of her hands, still humming aimlessly.

“Come back to us, love”.

The pet name helped draw Rumi back. She still felt like the world was slightly out of alignment, but her thoughts had quietened for the moment.

And still they held her. And still she felt like this was too much to expect from them, even though she knew she’d do the same for either of them in a heartbeat.

Time felt like it had stopped around them. The bubble they sat in suspended to give them all the time they needed.

Slowly, Rumi tested the waters, stretching her legs out slightly, before sitting up a bit more. Mira moved to help her, legs unfolding so she nestled between them instead of sitting in Mira’s lap, as Zoey shifted so she didn’t have to let go of Rumi yet as she moved.

“I’m-”

“Don’t apologise Rumi, you have nothing to be sorry for”.

Rumi felt every other word in her vocabulary evaporate as Mira beat her to her knee-jerk apology, unable to call forth anything else to say. All she knew was how to apologise for taking up any tiny amount of space. She wasn’t used to being looked after, and it showed.

“Did you have a nightmare?” Zoey was speaking in a tone she usually reserved for stray cats she was trying to befriend without scaring them off. Which was probably not uncalled for with how flighty Rumi was currently feeling, not used to processing things in front of anyone. Or having anyone there to support her with the harder parts she was so used to working through alone.

Rumi still didn’t trust her voice (a terrifying thought for a singer and a Hunter), but she nodded.

“We’re here if you want to talk about it. And…” Mira’s pause immediately caught Rumi’s attention, her head turning to try and meet Mira’s eyes, but she was very pointedly looking at anything but the other two in the room. “You’re not alone in the nightmares. I’m not saying that to take anything away from yours. Just to let you know that we’re all a little bit not okay right now. And that’s okay. The shit we’ve been through, we should have had a bloody team of therapists for even half the crap we've had to deal with, especially as Hunters. It’s no wonder there was a limit for us eventually. And we actually have time to start processing things, what with the gap we seem to be in, so it makes sense things are starting to surface”.

Rumi hated that Mira was struggling, and she and Zoey both seemed to share in the sudden new goal of ‘comfort Mira’, both of them shifting so they could wrap arms around the tallest of the three of them. Zoey always glad for the extra real estate to koala onto in moments like this.

Mira would never admit it verbally, but she loved physical touch, the way she leaned into it whenever the other two reached for her was endless proof of that. It was definitely one of her love languages, aligning perfectly with Zoey who seemed like she’d spontaneously combust if she didn’t get to touch anyone for even a day (they had tested it once, never again). She was also still shaken from her dream, where she’d found herself alone, her gok-do in hand with a familiar dread filling her as she watched a shapeless, but familiar, form fade before her. So the reassurance the other two were there was infinitely calming. She hated when she was right about shitty things. But they definitely all had some healing ahead of them.

None of them spoke, but they did slowly move as a still connected unit (somehow) to lie down once again. Rumi was placed between Mira and Zoey this time, Mira pressing her whole front up to Rumi’s back to maximise the contact, while Zoey wrapped herself around the other two with her upper arm resting on Mira’s waist. Locking them together and nesting her head just under Rumi’s chin as all their legs tangled into a mess where you would have no idea which one of the three you’d get if you were to pull a random foot. Her gentle breaths spilled over Rumi’s neck, warming her up even more as Mira’s presence behind her gave her no room to float away from the reality she was currently anchored in. The safety bubble was just enough to let Rumi drift off into a light, thankfully, dreamless sleep.

-----

Morning sun filtered through a gap in the blinds, stirring Zoey first, whose protests against being woken up by nature pulled Mira and Rumi back to consciousness too.

They all sat up gradually, stretching and groaning as their bodies protested the movement after, it seems, staying in practically the same position they had all fallen asleep in the second time.

There was a mutual agreement that showers, breakfast and another couch day were in order.

Zoey reminded them they hadn’t seen her turtle video compilation yet, and they all agreed that seemed like the perfect way to spend the day.

Mira kept her phone with her this time, insisting that Zoey and Rumi leave theirs in their rooms still. They only needed one to be reachable (Mira was always second to be called if Rumi didn’t answer and it was urgent), and Mira was least likely to doomscroll or try to do some work out of the three of them when she did have her phone.

Rumi still didn’t feel ready to face her reflection, especially after the nightmare, so she used the spare towels to cover her bathroom mirrors, and threw an extra bedsheet over the mirror in her room before going about freshening up.

Luckily movement was a lot easier now, and her fingertips only stung slightly when she went to run soap through her hair.

Even though dressing was easier while sticking with long, but baggy and light clothes, she wasn’t able to put her hair up after drying it this time. Even the low braid Mira had done after helping her shower was too much for her, so she caved and let it hang loose for once.

As they gathered back at the breakfast bar, Zoey and Mira couldn’t help but stare.

“Are you two okay?” Rumi felt her flight instinct kicking into high gear as their eyes lingered.

“Yeah-” Zoey almost choked on the word. “Yeah”. Her second attempt went smoother. “I just don’t remember the last time you left your hair down. Have you ever left your hair down?”

Even Mira seemed like she’d been smacked in the face a bit. “I don’t know. I don't actually think so. We only ever see it down when it’s in the process of being put up”.

Rumi trawled through her memories, sure she’s left her hair down before around the other two. But the deeper she searched, folded over at the waist and legs flailing as she rumaged around the bottom of the storage box of memories to find any example she could give them. But she came up empty handed, a faint stinging from the metaphorical papercuts she’d received from searching and finding nothing.

“I… Don’t know if I ever have…”

She fidgeted with the cuffs of her shirt until Mira’s short but warmth filled “It suits you” floated across to her followed by Zoey’s enthusiastic nods of agreement that almost unbalanced her enough that she had to stop to save herself from falling off her stool. The ease of their presence drew Rumi towards them as she went to grab some drinks from the fridge for them all, feeling a little bit lighter again as she sat down.

Mira was on cooking duty today, which meant her trusty fried rice with sunny side up eggs on top was on the menu. She apologised for not thinking to ask for more kimchi, as she usually added that to the rice too, but Zoey and Rumi were quick to wave it away as that not being her responsibility alone and her rice being killer either way.

As they sat and ate, Rumi found the silence comfortable, which caused her to bottle at the idea of sharing her nightmare with the other two, not wanting to ruin the moment but also desperately torn as to why her brain was pushing so hard to talk about this. She was not used to wanting to open up. Actually no, truthfully she was not used to feeling like she could open up. She had wanted to before. But she’d always been shut down by her guardian. She liked how it felt. How it lifted the weight off her slightly. She didn’t know if it was too selfish of her to feel like that. If it was just her burdening those around her until they grew tired and left. She didn’t know how this worked.

Mira clocked her immediately though, offering the floor to talk about ”anything from last night” if she wanted to.

When Rumi paused again, Mira took the lead instead.

“Nightmares are shit. But they’re our brains unpacking things we’re not quite able to process, or that we haven’t worked through fully yet. They’re not a weakness”.

“I know. But it’s not fair to put my stuff on you when you’re also dealing with your own things”.

“If that was actually how it worked we’d all be fucked. We share our weights so we’re not carrying them alone. If we’re telling you we have the space to hear you out, please trust us to know our own limits. Think of it like having a bag in each arm, one is for your own things, the other is for the weight you can carry for others. Sometimes things need to move across if one side gets too heavy and unbalances things, and sometimes you need to lighten the load overall if it’s too much to stand. But most of the time both bags have room to take things on or move things around, so you can help carry the load for someone who is trying to carry too much on their own”. Mira gave a gentle, but pointed look at Rumi with the last bit.

“Yeah, we are all gonna find ourselves overdoing it sometimes, but you’ve never shared your load with anyone Rumi. It’s honestly a miracle you’re still standing at all. I know you had your reasons, but that doesn’t change the fact that you don’t know how to open up. That’s not on you to be clear, but learning how to, that bit is. You don’t come out knowing how to do that. It takes time to learn too”. Zoey knew all too well how frustrating it was to feel like you are behind in something that looks easy to other people (often just because they’ve had more time to practice). She often felt like she was playing catch up with the older two, especially when they were all in high school together. But she also knew it wasn’t a forever thing, eventually if you stick with it you catch up enough that the difference stops mattering, or existing, whichever came first. “You have two people here for you. One who has been to a buttload of therapy and knows what her limits look like even more clearly. So even if it’s just starting with Mira for now if that feels, for lack of a better word, safer for you to unload a bit, please promise you’ll try. Trust us to tell you if it’s too much. You always told me that, remember?”

Rumi felt tears welling up again, feeling equally seen and called out by the other two, but appreciating them both so much for not shutting her out while she navigated the heavily landmined landslide-waiting-to-happen that was her brain right now.

“I don’t think I have the words for how much I appreciate you two”. Rumi could already feel the tears falling as they all stood for a mutual hug circle and the three of them ended up having a little cry together until Zoey pulled herself together enough to drag the other two over to the sofa. “The plates can wait, it’s cuddle time now”.

Once they got situated, once again tangled together, Rumi found a small burst of courage to bring up the nightmare, after checking once more that the other two were definitely okay for her to talk about it.

“It was so cold. I felt so alone. It was cycling through everyone I let down that night”.

“What do you mean?” Mira had tensed slightly, not looking forward to the answer she guessed would come, but also meaning to keep her word when she said she wanted to help Rumi carry this.

Rumi went through, describing the nightmare play by play. Watching Zoey and Mira’s faces darken with guilt at the end.

“I don’t blame either of you. If it had been one of you instead… I don’t know if I would have reacted any differently”. She met the gaze of both of them in turn, hoping they could see the truth in her. “Your first thought is what you’re taught, your second is who you actually are. You showed me that meme Mira. And you are both here now. I want to trust that means more than you just doing your duty as Hunters or pitying me for what I am”.

“My nightmare was also about that night. I was also alone, all I saw was a shadow fading away. I knew it was you Rumi. But I couldn’t stop myself from raising my weapon to you again. Doing our duty as Hunters would have meant the unthinkable. I never had any intention of hurting you that night. I reacted out of habit and fear and hurt. And you know us better than to think either of us would pity you. We saw you when you had a week-long grieving period for your favourite sweater after it went through the wash by mistake. If there was ever a time you would have seen us pitying you, it would have been then. You were a mess. But this? This is you finally opening up to us in the way we had always hoped you might one day, after going through almost literal hell to get there”.

That pulled a small smile out of Rumi, but it didn’t fully reach her eyes.

“It feels weird to say, but I’m actually really grateful in a messed up kinda way that I would never wish for a repeat of and also I’m so ready for it to be over now, that all this has finally set you up to even consider letting us in more now”.

Rumi chuckled slightly at that, agreeing the catalyst was not something she’d wish for, but the fact that it had started her in motion towards maybe starting to heal a bit couldn’t be a bad thing.

“Yeah. I definitely don’t want a repeat of all that ever again. But I’m also so ready to be done hiding all the damn time. I don’t know when it will feel like I’ve actually slept enough after all this”.

“Probably not until the nightmares stop, or at least ease up”.

“Ever the optimist, Mira”.

“Realist”. Mira’s eye roll was playful, taking any edge off her bite back.

There was a pause as the others went through what Rumi had told them, only for Zoey to realise they had a chunk of information missing in the timeline that didn’t make sense.

“Wait, when did you see Celine? I thought she wasn’t in the city that night?”

They both felt how rigid Rumi went and Zoey was quick to try and damage control.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you’re not ready. Or you don’t want to. Or pretend I never asked. I’m sor-”

“It’s okay. I can’t avoid this forever and we may as well get all the sucking out of the way earlier so we can focus on healing, right?”

Mira grimaced a bit at how much Rumi sounded like she was trying to convince herself as well as them.

“You don’t have to push yourself, we have time”.

“I know. But I can’t run from this forever, and sooner or later I’m going to have to face her again”.

Again, a harsh edge entered Rumi’s voice, causing Zoey to seek out Mira to see if she was also feeling the same dread. Her knotted brows confirmed they were on the same page, but her eyes never left Rumi, not wanting to miss anything.

“I don’t really know how I did it, but I went to her after I… left… I think I was able to teleport like some of the demons we’ve fought, but I couldn’t do it deliberately I don’t think. I wasn’t really with it anymore at that point. But she was at the shrine, by the sacred tree. I think she was monitoring the Honmoon, or our progress. She wasn’t surprised to see me, so I think she already knew I’d failed”.

“We’d failed. This was never just on you Rumi”.

Mira didn’t interrupt Rumi like that unless she felt it was important, so Rumi only paused for a moment to take in the comment, fighting the urge to argue or dismiss it. Choosing instead to just leave it be, which Mira took as a small win.

“She raised her sickle at me initially. We talked. I had given up. She couldn’t even look at me. She wanted to cover me up again. Wanted to lie more, to both of you. Say it was a trick to tear us apart. I couldn’t do it. I got mad. Renounced the old Honmoon. I felt it shatter when I did. Then I left. All I knew was I had to find you two. Or Gwi-Ma. Do whatever I could to stop it. Whatever it cost. And I know it worked out in the end. But… I-”. Her throat felt sticky, the way Mira and Zoey were looking at her was almost too much. This would shatter them. She knew that.

Hands found hers again, silence filled the space. It had a chill to it, one that raised goosebumps along their spines as they waited for Rumi to figure out if she wanted to continue.

Rumi checked in again, asking if they were sure they had space for this, as it was dark. They both tensed, but confirmed they were.

“I… was ready to die if I had to”. The strangled sound Mira made ricocheted off the gasp Zoey slapped her hand over her mouth to try and contain.

Rumi couldn’t look at them, knew she’d lose her confidence if she saw their faces now.

“I- I asked her- I offered her my saingeom. Asked the first thing I ever have of her. To stop me destroying the thing I was sworn to protect. Do what she should have done when I was born”. Hands tightened almost painfully in hers. “She wouldn’t do it. Said she couldn’t. I don’t know if I believe her. But she wouldn’t”. Rumi felt her anger bubbling up again as she remembered the interaction, fuelling her to go on. “She tried to cover me up again instead. That’s when I got mad. She said she loved me, but she didn’t. Not fully. She couldn’t even look at me for fuck’s sake. The love I did have was conditional. Waiting on terms she couldn’t have known were even possible. How could she have known I wouldn’t be hurt by sealing the Honmoon? How could she know I’d survive? How did she know I wouldn’t just become a monster? I spent my whole life believing half of myself would be better off dead, that it’s no surprise that it took so little for the rest of me to accept it too. And then I didn’t care what happened to me against Gwi-Ma. All I knew was I had to make sure you two were safe, whatever it took”.

The air felt thick. Rumi found breathing felt sluggish in a way she wasn’t familiar with, but was learning to recognise.

Grief.

Chapter Text

She couldn’t bring herself to look up.

She knew they would be hurting. That she just hurt them again.

And as much as she wanted to fold in on herself, she refused to let go of their hands, knowing that was likely all that was holding both of them together right now, reminding them that she was still here with them after dropping the bomb about how ready she was to give it all up.

Time felt like it was warring between freezing and racing. She had no idea how long passed before Zoey shifted, wrapping her arms around Rumi’s waist as she tucked herself firmly into her chest, legs still draped across Rumi’s lap as her head rested in the crook of her neck now, sobs causing her body to tremble in a way that pulled at Rumi’s heart, slicing the lines that held it up and sending it into freefall.

She pulled her hand out from where it was now a bit twisted between them and quickly brought it up to wrap around Zoey instead. Still there, still holding on.

Mira for her part felt like she’d turned to stone.

Rumi didn’t know what to do.

No-one hands you a script for how to support the people you just told you were essentially suicidal. She wished she had looked up if there was one though now. Not that she has any confidence would have been able to remember any of it after their reactions.

Rumi pulled herself together enough to look up at Mira, and felt her heart make impact, shattering as she saw the anguish in Mira’s eyes. Her gaze unfocused, staring a hole into the carpet in front of them.

She wasn’t crying. That made it worse. Like she’d blasted right past feeling and went straight to shutting down.

Rumi felt like she was drowning, not knowing how to act or what to say, but feeling the weight of the air pressing down on her.

Mira was the first to find her voice. “We didn’t even know how close we got to actually losing you…” She sounded robotic, hollow.

The silence suffocated them again, holding them in stasis.

Rumi felt like she was going to implode. She wanted to try and make it better.

“I- I don’t know if it makes a difference… I didn’t go there with any intention. Or come back wanting to… I had just given up. I wanted to keep you safe. Whatever that looked like. I didn’t know what to do. I just knew I didn’t matter-”

“OF COURSE YOU MATTER!”

Mira’s anger hit her hard enough that a demon punch to the face would have hurt less. Zoey also flinched into her at the outburst.

“I don’t know if there are enough ways to say that for it to get through to you. I know you’ve been taught to believe otherwise. But you are my family, you and Zoey. You have no idea how important you are. Especially to me. And to think I almost lost you without even realising it. We wouldn’t have known. You would have been… been alone when you… It would have been so long before we… I can’t- I don’t know how I’d survive without you both…”

Mira shook, her entire being falling apart as tears finally escaped. Her anger, her grief, her fear, her sorrow. She sang them all to the other women as she wailed, curling forward as her lungs contorted in rhythm with the twisted sounds, unable to vocalise anything else.

Zoey also broke again, silently clinging tighter to Rumi, as if she thought she could undo everything if she squeezed hard enough.

Rumi couldn’t think of anything else to do beside pulling Mira into her other side. The lack of fight from her as she collapsed sideways was a sign of how broken she was, as she usually resisted being comforted initially whenever she was having a difficult moment. Her hand never left Rumi’s, creating almost a seatbelt across her lap holding her in place.

Rumi felt like she wanted to cry too, but couldn’t find the tears in herself. Feeling oddly numb even though it did feel like a weight had shifted its load on her. Not letting up, but balancing itself differently, less precariously.

They stayed like that. Long past when tears ran dry and bodies were too drained to feel.

They weren’t resting. Sleep wasn’t anywhere near their horizons.

They were just existing together.

Their appreciation for something as simple as that was heightened following the admission and realisation of how close they all got to losing something so irreplaceable.

Shadows danced their way across the room, following their daily path, the only thing marking the shift of time to the trio.

The first sound to break the near spell that had settled over the space again was a loud grumble.

Zoey’s stomach.

It felt so utterly ridiculous. They couldn’t help it. They all laughed.

It was off key and felt like it had been dragged kicking and screaming through the fog of sadness, but it changed the energy of the space.

Lifted the veil that had fallen slightly, letting a crack of light sneak through.

Mira was the first to move, slowly pulling Rumi up, who in turn dragged Zoey to try and get her to get up along with her.

Zoey did not let go however, and seemed determined to not have to. Rumi sighed fondly, shifting so she could pick Zoey up instead, letting legs wrap around her waist as her arm locked around Zoey’s to secure her in place.

The three of them moved over to the kitchen, still not letting go.

It would have looked so odd to anyone external to the moment, but they all seemed to silently agree that contact was not breaking unless absolutely necessary.

Ramyeon was mutually agreed upon without a word, and also meant minimal time separated in the preparation stages.

Once they were ready, they moved back to the couch with a tray full of noodles, setting it down on the coffee table so legs could replace hands to maintain contact.

They ate in silence too.

Rumi felt like her skin was itching with the anticipation of what would happen. Not knowing what the other two were thinking. Not knowing how she could comfort them.

Zoey was the one to break the silence again. “Do- Do you still want…” She couldn’t finish, but Rumi knew what she was asking.

“No. I honestly don’t think I actually wanted to. I just felt so lost and couldn’t think of any other way. I’ve felt like I was drowning for a long time, and I stopped fighting to keep my head up that night. I let the voices win. Let them convince me that even the human part of me wasn’t worth saving”. She fiddled with the chopsticks in her hand, toying with the tiny noodles left at the bottom of the pot as she spoke. “It feels like weights have been cut though, like I might actually be able to learn to float now that I’m not hiding everything anymore”.

That seemed to relax both of them.

“All I thought about was you two. Keeping you safe. Wanting you to be okay. I hurt you by lying, and that went against everything I was doing it all for. I wasn’t thinking beyond needing to protect you, even when it meant not thinking about what that might mean for myself”.

“Seeing you carrying everything on your own, even if we didn’t know what that was at the time, hurt too Rumi”. Mira met her gaze, eyes looking a bit more alive, even if they were still filled with sadness.

That felt like a sledgehammer to the gut and Rumi couldn’t stop a small flinch.

“I’m sorry”.

“We know”. Mira rested her hand on Rumi’s thigh, Zoey leaning in to rest her head against her shoulder.

A quiet act of forgiveness.

The silence felt lighter this time.

Not as charged.

Not as stifling.

“We still haven’t watched my turtle videos”.

Zoey’s olive branch drew tentative laughs from the older two, both agreeing that was meant to be the plan today before it got understandably derailed.

Mira accepted it though, starting up the TV and setting up the playlist Zoey had created. “You gonna be able to stay awake through it?”

“Of course!”

Not even 20 minutes in and Zoey was snoring lightly, head now resting in Rumi’s lap as the rest of her sprawled out across the unused couch space, using Rumi’s arm draped over her shoulder in place of a blanket they hadn’t had a chance to get, even knowing she was going to crash.

Mira and Rumi weren’t really paying much attention to the videos that ranged from cute, to funny, to sad, to educational, but their sides were firmly pressed together, touching at every point possible with Mira’s arm draped loosely along the back of the couch, framing Rumi’s shoulders. Extending the touch as their other hands remained clasped together.

The clips became background noise.

“I know what it feels like to think you haven’t got any other options”.

Rumi’s head snapped round, finding Mira was looking at her with a soft, uncharacteristically open expression, videos now totally forgotten.

“I… Uh…”

“It’s okay Rumi. It really fucking hurt to hear you were in that kind of headspace, because I know what that is like. But I also know that if I had listened to the voices back then, I would have never met you or Zoey. I would have never had this”. She gestured generally at the three of them with her free hand before her hand came back to rest on Rumi’s shoulder now. “I guess I’m just trying to say I’m so grateful you made it through. We have our whole lives ahead of us, and I couldn’t imagine doing that without you there. Hopefully we can make you sticking around worth it too”.

Tears finally pricked at the corners of Rumi’s eyes, quietly slipping out as Mira pulled her into a fierce side hug.

“I’m sorry I got angry before. I was so scared. Please promise me you’ll tell us if you ever find yourself in that kind of headspace. Please don’t try and carry that alone again”.

Rumi tucked herself further into Mira’s hold, her now free hand coming up to grasp the arms wrapped around her firmly.

“I promise”.

A light squeeze from Mira was all the acknowledgement needed.

They settled back to try and finish the videos.

-----

Before they knew it, sunrise was drawing them all out of sleep.

The space felt much warmer than it had the previous day, and they were all grateful they hadn’t managed to get blankets, as they knew they would have all been uncomfortably hot now if they had.

Mira and Rumi both felt the cricks in their necks from sleeping against the other. Groans escaping them as, comforting as the others’ presence was, their height difference meant there was a chorus of cracks and protests from their joints as the two stretched out their sore bodies.

Zoey had the best sleep of the three, coming out unscathed being the only one who was actually lying down, and was quickly bouncing around the kitchen getting some cereal and coffee ready so they could pick up on the videos where she left off.

Today was deemed a ‘do nothing’ day again by Zoey, the compilation (which was significantly more interesting to watch with Zoey’s running commentary this time) filling the room and easing them back into a calmer energy together.

But as the day continued on, the penthouse continued to heat up.

Plus side to the large glazed walls: excellent views and natural light.

Cons to the massive expanses of glass: any increase in temperature was quickly absorbed by the space, the air conditioning always struggling to keep up the first day or two of any heat spike despite being top of the line.

Zoey and Mira were quick to change to crop tops and shorts, but Rumi was stuck at the thought of changing into anything that would show off more of her patterns.

It wasn't like they were a secret anymore, but still it was so hardwired into her at this point to hide, that she felt trapped. Almost queasy at the idea of deliberately having them showing.

Normally she would have been fine. She was already down her usual turtleneck under-layer even, but the aftermath of her patterns growing seemed to have increased her baseline body temperature, as she felt like she was still running a slight fever. So she was really struggling with the heat right now.

The other two noticed, of course, and asked if she wanted to go change too.

Rumi couldn’t answer them, shrugging, as she genuinely wasn’t sure what she wanted.

“Do you want to go and cool off for a bit on your own?” Zoey was watching her with a gentle curiosity.

Rumi immediately shook her head. “No. I don’t want to isolate myself again”.

“Whatever you decide, we’ve got you Rumi”. Mira’s deadpan tone was undermined by the warmth in her eyes and the easy half smile pulling at the edge of her mouth.

They went back to watching the videos, and Rumi lasted another hour before she was uncomfortable enough to seriously consider why she was still hiding.

It wasn’t a secret anymore, and they were both still here. So at least to some degree, they must have been okay with it, right? That and they were both giving her the time and space to figure herself out, and the lack of pressure either way was relieving, but that also made it more confusing as she didn’t know where the lines were for this. Did she need to take it slow? Was this really okay? Are they just comfortable with the idea, but they’re going to change their minds once they see more of her patterns?

She paused that line of thinking when her hand glinted in the light, reminding her that she already had visible marks now, permanently on show on her hands, neck and face that the other two women had seen every day since their reveal without any issues or negative comments. Mira had even examined them, touched them, without any sign of disgust or hate when she’d been looking at her shifting colours two nights ago.

Sighing, she got up, drawing the attention of her bandmates.

“I’m just going to see how I feel in something else”.

They both settled back into place and nodded, smiles teasing at them both as she caught an almost excitement in their eyes.

She had no idea where that was coming from.

Walking up to her room, she felt a knot form in her stomach.

Stepping into her wardrobe, she considered the options she had hanging up ready, before she went to the drawer that was hidden deep in her closet. The one she had filled with all the clothes she’d had to retire as her patterns spread. T-shirts she’d loved wearing until the jagged purple spikes expanded to the point where they were at risk of being seen if Rumi stretched wrong. Vests that she had only worn while training solo until Celine had walked in on her once. She had left Rumi unable to move comfortably for a full two weeks; her training drills ramped up to the maximum, forcing her to her limit daily as punishment that left every part of her burning and sore, on top of forcing her into longer sleeves to hide red marks that danced between the purple from strikes that were dealt out during training where Celine stopped pulling any punches. All while having to pretend like nothing was wrong to the other two.

She ran her hand over the familiar fabrics, a deep sadness crawling into her chest, trying to hollow out a space to nest at the thought of all the time lost now.

But it didn’t have a chance to take hold.

She wasn’t ready for a massive shift, but she pulled out an old baggy Huntrix merch t-shirt. A gunmetal grey fabric with a silver foil logo in the centre front, black, pink and purple to match their hair colours smoking out slightly to create an aura around the logo. She also grabbed a pair of her ¾ leg pyjama pants (lilac with creeping rose vines wrapped around the legs), changing into the set without a mirror.

She immediately felt better, her skin breathing easier, the heat feeling less like it was trying to glue itself to her skin.

But before she left she paused, tentatively eyeing the sheet covering the mirror before deciding against looking at herself first.

She knew she’d get in her head if she saw everything, even the glimpses of the silvering patterns she was already catching on her forearms were overwhelming.

She’d let her girls’ reactions speak for themselves first.

If they disliked it, then she’d know her being comfortable like this wasn’t meant to be.

Her gut twisted at the thought.

Steeling herself, she opened the door and stepped out, ears perked to catch any response from the others, but her old habit of moving like a ghost at home was still going strong and they hadn’t heard her over the video clips she had insisted they continue without her if they were ever going to finish this compilation today.

She walked down, and moved to join them on the couch like nothing had happened.

Neither commented, but Zoey was quick to shuffle up against her, wrapping her arms gently around Rumi’s as Mira shifted so she was nestled in front of Rumi on the floor, bumping up against the leg that wasn’t tucked up on the couch and resting her head against her knee.

Their silent acceptance was enough to flood Rumi with a wave of emotions, overwhelming in how they were all fighting to be centre front, but she pushed that all back and focused on relaxing into the gentle touches and easy calm they were all settled in.

Zoey picked back up on her commentary, and the rest of the afternoon passed in a blur of turtles and easy conversations when Zoey insisted they paused the video so she could lore drop about the creator or correct someone whose facts were “so wildly incorrect it should be illegal for them to post this nonsense”.

By the time the three of them moved to the kitchen, working together to make a hearty stew as they flowed around the space with a practiced ease, music now blasting from the TV as the older two were at their limit for anything turtle related.

They loved giving Zoey the space to info-dump at them, but there was a rule established after a three day marathon of endless facts and talking points about bird watching almost broke Mira. Mira she said she was hearing Zoey in her dreams and it was waking her up, so Zoey got a video compilation or movie or documentary series or a slideshow presentation to get a topic out of her system, then they got a minimum of two days off from that topic unless they asked a question about it (then all bets were off). After two days they’d check in and if needed, the cycle could repeat for that topic, as the break was usually enough time for Zoey to either build a new collection of media to share with the other two, or she’d move on to a new hyperfixation to introduce them both to.

Zoey had accepted the terms happily, thrilled to have a space where she felt safe unmasking and letting her brain run free for a bit, but also finding that having a clear boundary that they all agreed on together helped a lot. This way she knew she wasn’t overdoing it or boring them or being too much and that really helped her anxieties about all that ease. It was one of the many ways they looked after her without making it feel like she was being treated like a child, or an annoyance. And she really appreciated being part of the conversations about what worked and what didn’t, so they could all adjust as needed instead of people trying to tell her how to make herself more comfortable for them to deal with. It had all come so easily to them from the day they’d met her, that it highlighted to Zoey just how many people who’d been in her life for far longer just didn’t want or care to make the effort to meet her even part way.

They made enough to have a lot of leftovers out of habit, freezing most and stocking the rest in the fridge. Their normal schedule rarely allowing them nights like this and they tried to avoid relying on takeout too much. Especially as they had refused when Bobby had tried to get them to hire a cook, to minimise the number of people in their space. Every extra person around was just one more person they had to dodge around while demon hunting on top of all their training, and they really didn’t need any questions or comments from people about how much they could eat, as demon hunting or Idol training already took a lot of energy individually, let alone combined.

Bobby hadn’t been happy, but Celine had backed the girls, saying it was an added security risk with their growing fame and heated competition at the time, on top of the costs and logistics, so he had given up. But it had meant they had to be much more on top of their nutrition to make sure he didn’t have a chance to bring the topic up again.

It did mean they got to spend a lot of time bonding over learning to cook, each sharing what they had learned growing up, though it had mostly been from Zoey. Mira had never had a reason to learn to cook because of her family, and Celine had not thought it necessary to teach Rumi anything beyond basic cooking skills. But that didn’t bother them, they had started compiling recipes they found online into a binder to try, moving the winners to a separate binder and tossing the ones that didn’t land.

Their winners binder had been overflowing, giving them no shortage of options but creating chaos every time they tried to find something in it, before Rumi sank a weekend holed up in her room with the flu into organising the recipes by main ingredients and ordering them by time to cook. The resulting anthology now included five much easier to manage recipe binders they kept updated and organised. Zoey had tried just putting recipes in randomly and Rumi had almost cried (though she denied it when they’d tried to check on her) when she found her system in disarray, which meant the other two took correct recipe placement very seriously too when adding new ones now.

As they sat down to eat, Mira’s phone buzzed with a call from Bobby.

She answered and put the phone on the counter, speaker on full while informing him they could all hear him.

“Hi Girls, how are you all doing?”

There was a breath of pause as Rumi looked to the other two, but Mira was quick to take the lead on this one.

“We’re doing okay. Been enjoying couch time and we’ve just sat down for dinner. How are things going? Have things calmed down at all?”

Rumi jumped in before he could answer. “Have you been able to take a break yet?”

“Ah sorry for disturbing you, I can call back later?”

“No, we’re okay so long you don’t mind us eating in the background”, Zoey piped up.

“Not at all”, snacking was a very common occurrence for them in meetings with Bobby anyway, but they still liked to check in regardless. “I haven’t had a break yet but I’m close. I wanted to call to talk to you about potentially taking a day to do a shoot so we can tease that you’re coming back and also use putting out some new visuals to help solidify the ‘not breaking up’ news we’ve managed to get out over the noise in the chat rooms”.

“When are you thinking Bobby?” Mira was looking at Rumi, keeping an eye on her reactions to the suggestion to see if she needed to be the ‘bad guy’ and turn down the shoot. Rumi gave a small shake of her head, signalling she had this and Mira relaxed.

“I have a studio that can take us in two days, and I’ve finally managed to get a hold of the photographer who did the ‘stripped back’ magazine spread for Twice, and she’s available then too”.

This felt like the perfect opportunity to introduce Rumi’s “new look”. Bare, simple, easy.

Rumi took a slightly harder swallow before answering, the other two looking to her to lead on this part.

“That sounds great Bobby. I do have to tell you something though, and the shoot feels like the perfect place to make the announcement generally too”.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay Rumi?!”

“I’m fine Bobby. Better than fine actually. It’s just… I’ve had these… patterns on me since I was born. I was hiding them until now because it never felt like the right time to show them. But I think this hiatus is the perfect chance to bring them out into the world finally. I don’t want to make a big deal about them. Just have them out now and let people say what they’re going to say while we move on”.

“Oh Rumi, I’m so glad you’re okay. And I hear you on that. This is definitely the time to do it if we’re going to change anything big up. Zoey, Mira, do either of you two want to make any changes too?”

God they loved Bobby and how quickly he’d roll with pretty much anything (he had not been happy about the wrecked plane, but them getting hurt or destruction of property was about the only lines he had with them).

“No, just Rumi on this one, and we don’t want to take away from this for her either”.

“Okay. Do we need to run this by Celine too?”

They had restructured Huntrix so Celine was still able to receive a percentage of profits, but had no power or say in the runnings of the group (outside of personal influence through Rumi) to minimise any nepotism accusations that could undermine them. As soon as the trio were all 21, they became the sole owners of Huntrix and the brand, so they had full control over what they did and how things went, as much as the label often disliked that. The board definitely resented Celine for giving up her control of the trio as a sitting board member, but a large enough percentage of their profits was enough to win the rest over. That and Celine still having some sway in the group through the less official channels.

“No”.

Rumi hadn’t meant to be so blunt, but she couldn’t bring herself to sugar coat her words about her mentor right now.

“This is a choice we’re making for us Bobby”, Mira’s addition took the heat off slightly and Bobby bounced back quickly. If he had any reaction to Rumi’s curt response he didn’t show it.

“Okay, I trust you then. I’ll get that all booked in and let you know the wardrobe requests from the photographer as soon as I hear back from her”.

“Thank you Bobby!”

The trio watched the screen go black as Bobby hung up to go do manager things. They knew what his role involved on paper, but with how efficient he was in sorting things out and smoothing things over, they weren’t fully convinced there wasn’t some kind of magic behind what he did for them. They weren’t about to ask about it though, in case it broke whatever the spell was and they had to actually get a manager team involved to keep up with them.

“You sure you’re okay with the shoot Rumi?” Mira was staring through her, daring her to try and lie about this.

“Yes, I want to do this”, Rumi met her with an even gaze, reassuring both of them that she was being honest when Mira sat back again, content with her response. As much as Rumi could find Mira’s ability to read her bandmates frustrating at times, it was something Rumi often took into consideration to gauge if she was being honest with herself while making decisions, as Mira wouldn’t let it slide easily if she wasn’t.

Zoey started getting excited about all the ideas for the looks they could pull together for it before Mira reminded her the photographer specialised in stripped back shoots. They’d likely be in muted or monochrome colours and simple make-up.

Zoey was initially deflated, but they promised her they’d do a bigger shoot for when they dropped their next EP instead, which was enough to satisfy Zoey for now.

That was the start to them chatting about how they wanted to approach the comeback and what they wanted to do with the new song they had, as well as Takedown.

Rumi had twitched at the mention of the song, and Zoey was quick to reassure her that they didn’t have to release it at all if she wasn’t comfortable with it.

“I… I think I need more time before I can make a decision on that”.

That was enough for the others to put that song on the sidelines indefinitely.

Instead, they turned their focus to potentially recording a demo or an acoustic version of ‘This is What it Sounds Like’ as a placeholder for socials to use until they were up for a proper recording session to get the full song out.

They decided the next day they’d head downstairs to their studio and see which version came more naturally for them to get out after confirming all three were feeling up to it.

Three days was a new record for them taking an actual break anyway. And it would be day four by the time they actually do anything.

They washed up and made their way up to bed, Zoey silently pulling Rumi past her door as Mira followed them into Zoey’s room again. An unspoken agreement that they’d be sticking together a lot more for the foreseeable future.

Once they were all ready, Rumi was placed in the middle this time, after it was established she didn’t feel like a walking bruise anymore.

Mira stated it was for the best, as that way she or Zoey could get up if they needed to in the night and Rumi wouldn’t feel cold if they did.

No-one had to elaborate on where that thought process came from, no-one eager to bring up the nightmare that triggered yesterday’s conversations that was still fresh on their minds.

As they all settled into a tangle of limbs, Rumi was caught off guard by fingers gently tracing the skin on her forearms.

Skin she had forgotten was still exposed.

Skin that didn’t remember the last time anyone other than Rumi had touched it.

The warmth that spread through her like liquid comfort helped lull her into a blissfully dreamless sleep.

-----

Mira’s phone alarm drew a chorus of protests from the trio, but Rumi was the first to come to enough to remind the others that they had decided to do some recording today.

That was like setting off a firecracker in the bed as Zoey leapt up, eagerly racing around as she tried to act like she wasn’t constantly dodging and sometimes tripping over the piles of clothes still on her floor as she got dressed.

Mira was the last to get up, Rumi heading to her room to shower and change, hoping she’d feel a bit more awake after.

It worked when Zoey turned her shower on too, blasting a moment of ice cold water over Rumi as the water system adjusted to the additional load, drawing a startled gasp out of her as her lungs failed to draw in enough air first to scream. Warm water was back in a flash, but Rumi was already wide awake. Luckily she finished before Mira started up her shower. But it did mean she managed to catch Zoey’s scream, as she too was subjected to a cold flash herself.

She headed down to get the coffee on and breakfast started, opting for omelettes as a quick but sustaining meal to keep them going through the morning of recording.

Zoey and Mira joined her shortly after, both thanking her for the coffee and then the food, neither commenting on Rumi’s baggy t-shirt and knee length shorts that showed off even more new patterns than the day before.

Her legs felt easier to show first, as she hadn’t had the harsh purple marks on them, so she didn’t have the same negative association with the silvering marks that were now covering them as she did with the marks that had spread from their origin across her torso and upper arms.

They moved with a practiced ease of routine, heading down to the studio and warming up extensively, especially after Rumi’s voice croaked initially. But half an hour later, they were all feeling comfortable and were able to hit the vocal range they needed for this song.

They sang through a few times, both with Rumi playing guitar and with Zoey playing around with the mixer to put together a demo version of the full track, and they eventually settled on pushing through the demo version, holding the acoustic version in the back pocket in case they wanted to release it later.

By the end of the day and a massive hit to their snack stash later, they had a solid track down, which Mira sent off to Bobby to get his thoughts.

It only took five minutes for them to get a voice note from Bobby raving about the song.

He said it was perfect, and agreed to the plan to release it over the weekend, alongside the teaser posters for their comeback.

That was enough to satisfy the trio, who headed back up to watch some trash US dating show that Zoey insisted would be the show to get them to love this kind of thing.

They had lost count of how many shows like this she’d tried to get them into.

It was good for mindless watching, but didn’t come close to the crime shows Mira could get lost in for days when she discovered a new series, or the K-dramas Rumi had a soft spot for but would deny outright getting teary at if anyone ever pointed it out, especially in the moment.

As they felt themselves drifting off on the couch, Rumi made the call to get them all up to bed, as Bobby had messaged that the car would be there to pick them up at 10am the next day. They were told to wear whatever comfortable clothes they wanted to, as the photographer had their wardrobe sorted already.

Zoey’s sheets needed changing, but none of them had any motivation to do that, so they moved to Rumi’s room without a second thought.

As they snuggled together, Rumi had to mentally slap herself as her brain startled at feeling bare skin against her legs, telling herself she either had to get used to this or at the very least stop being surprised every damn time as it was starting to feel silly. Especially with the lack of reaction from the other two to her patterns being on show more now.

Once again she fell asleep surrounded by warmth, her mind finally tiring of running through possible scenarios of reactions to her patterns and how she could respond to them long after the other two had crashed.

-----

Zoey protested loudly at the alarm, but the older two were quick to go into work mode as they ushered her to the shower as they also went about getting themselves ready.

They had been told to keep make-up minimal, so they just needed to do any skincare, a basic face with lip gloss and eye shadow and liner, and do their hair in their signature styles. It was a nice change from leaving the apartment in full glam and needing to keep that intact until the end of a shoot.

It took Rumi a long moment staring at the towel still covering her bathroom mirror before she finally worked up the courage to pull it down, seeing her marks fully covering herself for the first time as she stood, fresh out of the shower and bare before her reflection.

The patterns were now almost all a pale iridescent white, with faint hints of colour peeking through across them. They looked like old scars, which they were in a way now. The marks were still tinged purple over her heart, where they’d originated and expanded out from, but the rest were almost possible to ignore until Rumi shifted and they caught a glint of light.

She stared, not quite knowing what she was feeling about the jagged shapes tracing her skin now they didn’t share the shade that marked demons for what they were. She figured this neutrality was better than wanting to carve chunks of her skin out (that didn’t work anyway, she’d tried once at Celine’s passing suggestion when they discovered how fast she healed). But it was still so alien to her to be able to look at herself, at her body, and not instantly feel overwhelming disgust and shame.

She didn’t know what to do with herself, so she just moved on.

Luckily Rumi’s fingers had healed fully now, while the rest of her injuries had almost completely faded by the third day and were now gone. She went about setting up her signature braid, thankful that years of practice meant she could have it up within 25 minutes comfortably (Zoey had timed her). Make-up was a bit more confusing, but she opted to just use a bit of powder to matt her skin in place of foundation that might cover the patterns before finishing the rest with ease.

She joined the others for a light breakfast, all of them now with their hair styled and wearing baggy shirts and loose shorts so they could change without messing anything up.

Bobby was sitting shotgun in the car, greeting them all enthusiastically as they piled into the back seats.

He paused for a moment to take in Rumi’s patterns, before complementing her on them, saying they suited her nicely. He seemed to notice how anxious she was, but he knew better than to comment on that directly.

Mira subtly took Rumi’s hand in hers as Zoey bumped their knees together in response to Rumi’s entire body releasing tension like a loaded spring when Bobby just moved on to updating them about all the drama.

No-one had clear answers still about the Saja Boys or the Idol Awards even, but it was official that they were now wanted for questioning, even if it wasn’t clear what the questioning would be about.

The Idol Awards were offering to give the prize to Huntrix as an apology for the confusion, but the girls told Bobby to turn it down and suggest there be no winner this year due to the whole situation. They could just come back and win it again next year and it didn’t feel right to win this year. Especially when it wasn’t even all of them on stage, not that they’d be able to tell Bobby that.

Bobby agreed and said he’d let them know how that goes as they turned into the studio and all got out to head through into the space.

As they entered, they were greeted by a young woman who ushered them into a small changing room, where three rails of clothes were set out. Most of the options were athleisure wear, sweatpants and varying combinations of bralettes and crop tops.

“I want the focus to stay on the three of you, as you’re all so striking. No distractions”.

They all nodded as they checked if she wanted them matching or in different looks. She suggested they do a combination.

And so began a whirlwind three hours of changes, photos, changes and more photos.

Zoey and Mira kept checking in on Rumi during the changes, as it was only the three of them in the dressing room then, and as grateful as Rumi was for it, she didn’t really have any time to be in her head about it. Not when she was navigating changing in the same room as her bandmates for the first time, as well as having to act like their hands on her skin was a normal everyday occurrence that definitely wasn’t new for her as they were posed and directed through all the shots they wanted.

Their final look was matching black sweatpants and black sports bras with some extra straps across the chest. They lined up in height order and the photographer told them to just be themselves.

They got the winning shot from that set, Zoey with a soft smile, Rumi with a neutral gaze and Mira serving face to the max.

Bobby was quick to get the shot to their editors, and they had a final design ready to send out to print the next morning.

They green lit the launch, and the posters were up by the afternoon.

Their fan sites, which were already going wild before they dropped the demo track, went feral for the new song demo.

Mira was reporting on their socials, as Rumi was still banned from her phone (it was turned off and hidden in Mira’s bedroom) and Zoey was too overwhelmed by the influx of notifications to keep up when all her brain wanted to do was doom scroll.

Fans were already clipping the song into videos and getting excited for the full version, while hype for their comeback started to ramp up, even with it still being three months away.

The vast majority of fans seemed to love Rumi’s new look, though there were still a lot of comments about how she “ruined” herself by getting tattoos.

They had just called them patterns in the posts they’d made across their socials, sharing how they were entering a new era without hiding anymore. They had agreed they’d only respond to the first comment they saw on each platform calling them tattoos to confirm that wasn’t the case and state that Rumi had had them since birth, without elaborating beyond that single response which they left pinned under the posts.

Still, Mira was careful to emphasise that the vast majority of comments were positive or neutral, with the main focus being on the demo release and the fact that they were coming back.

They stayed in over the weekend, the drop timing perfectly to land on a Saturday for maximum hype was great for getting traction on socials, but also meant there would be a higher chance of weird fan interactions if they were to go out and get spotted.

Bobby looked after them though, dropping off a massive shopping haul of snacks and ingredients for the week, while giving them an update on the response to the poster and demo drop, echoing most of what Mira had said.

He also filled them in on how the label had been losing their minds over Rumi’s new look, but he’d managed to calm them down by showing Huntrix’s rating was at an all time high again, surpassing where they were just before the Idol Awards already as fans tuned back in en-masse.

That took a weight off, and they were left to couch time and an aggressively long gym session as Rumi felt like she was going to start scaling the walls if she didn’t do something that moved her body.

Mira agreed, still feeling tight in the neck from their night on the couch, so Zoey proposed they have a workout before they watched more Love Drama (or whatever this dating show was called).

That worked for everyone, and they all made their way to their rooms to change once Bobby left.

Rumi found herself freezing in front of her workout clothes, leggings already on, but still feeling too warm for the long compression tops she always wore. Not knowing what to do about it now that she actually could have her arms out if she wanted to.

Mira knocking on the door to check on her progress startled her into grabbing a cropped t-shirt, quickly pulling it on over her simple sports bra before heading out to meet the other two, who were waiting by the lift that would take them down two floors to where their gym and training rooms were.

It was easier to build a private parkour gym and dojo with a fully equipped gym attached than risk having to explain why they were training in such spaces if they were ever caught in a public, or even general private gym.

They all went in hard, each had their own routines and exercises unless they were sparring together, and they all left a few hours later with their bodies burning, but feeling much more themselves, even with the ache that always came with getting back into being active after a break.

It was that evening just before they sat down to watch Zoey’s show that Rumi tentatively suggested they go to the bath house the next day given it was a Monday, and likely going to be much quieter.

You would have thought the others had won the lottery a hundred times over the way they were hopping around the living room, Mira holding their round stool over her head as she danced circles around Rumi, who couldn’t help the fond laugh that escaped her at their enthusiasm.

A chorus of “Yes”, “Fuck yes” and “I have waited for this for so long” cycling through on repeat until Rumi finally calmed them both down enough for them to be able to join her on the couch without the risk of Zoey vibrating the trio off the edge in barely contained excitement.

They eventually migrated to a pillow pile on the floor, creating a large nest where they all ended up falling asleep.

And as content as Rumi felt in this moment, with her girls, she couldn’t shake the feeling that this was all going too smoothly.

Something was going to have to give, she just didn’t know what that was yet as she fell into an uneasy sleep, despite the warmth that was surrounding her.

Chapter Text

Rumi woke with a strangled gasp, bolting upright with the fog of her nightmare fading, erasing the images from memory as soon as she clawed her way back to consciousness.

Cold still lingered in her chest.

She glanced around, finding the other two still asleep thankfully. Mira shifted slightly in response to the sudden movement, but they both remained curled up on either side of the gap she had left behind.

Her body felt wired. She knew she wasn’t going to be sleeping again any time soon.

Gently climbing out of the pillow nest, she ghosted through the space.

It was still dark out, but she could still see where she was going without straining too much, despite the darkness of their space.

Heading to the front door, she slipped out. Habit leading her to the maintenance staircase so she could make her way up to the roof.

She had her part of the balcony, but that had never felt secure to her, as the only thing separating their sections were a few large plant pots. They had agreed splitting it so they each had a semi-private space made more sense than one massive balcony that spread across all their rooms.

But that had meant the risk of being seen when she needed a breather without her layers on was too high, so she’d started using the roof.

As far as she knew, she had the only key to the door that led up after a maintenance guy left it with her after a job. She had no idea who to give it to, so she’d kept it, telling herself she’d return it if anyone ever asked.

No-one did.

And if anyone knew she went up there, they never let on.

She had often snuck up on nights she couldn’t sleep or when she needed to be alone, shedding hoodies or jackets to give her skin a chance to breathe in the hopes it would make it easier for her to breathe.

It rarely did, but the break from being covered all the time was still nice. Being able to do it anywhere but the security of her bedroom or bathroom was nice.

But now? Now she wasn’t sure why she needed the roof.

Her secret was out. Her patterns had been released to the world.

And yet she still felt uneasy.

Still felt like there was something she needed to fix somehow.

She knew it wasn’t going to magically get better overnight.

Yes, she’d made massive progress already even by wearing the shorts and t-shirts that had immediately become her go-to wardrobe choices at home, especially since the shoot.

But the guilt was still there. The weight of her failure permanently on show now.

If it actually even was a failure?

Maybe she was never going to be free. Maybe this would have been the outcome even if they had succeeded in turning the Honmoon gold. Maybe she wouldn't have lived if they had.

But as she stared over the city, blanketed in the rippling rainbow threads that hadn’t allowed a single new breach since its creation, she couldn’t help but wonder if the golden Honmoon was ever even going to be possible.

The foundation on which it was built was made of loose pebbles and held together by papier-mâché formwork. It was only a matter of time before something gave out.

Building something as load-bearing as the Honmoon on a base of lies and secrets, repressing the people who were tasked to maintain it into husks of themselves, was a catalyst for failure.

That didn’t ease the weight of guilt from Rumi.

She lost track of time sitting on the metal grating trying not to sink into the “what ifs”. Watching the city slowly start to come to life again as the sun rose, tracking its usual path across the sky.

As she sat, she felt a warmth she wasn’t familiar with.

A warmth that was quickly followed by tears she couldn’t fathom the source of.

She went to wipe her tears away, habitually trying to use the hem of a long sleeve, only to find her bare palm grinding into her eyes, almost like she was trying to force the tears back.

As she moved though, the warmth spread.

She paused, looking down at her hands and realising the rising sun was easing up her bare arms, the slightly oversized t-shirt she was wearing exposing her patterns that now shimmered with every movement.

As much time as she spent on the roof, she was always sure to be back inside by sunrise to maximise the chances of the other two being asleep and avoid the risk of questions she wasn’t ready to answer. Or would have to lie around.

This was the first time in years she could remember feeling the sun directly on her skin.

Hesitating only for a moment, she pulled the shirt off, sitting in her sports bra and pyjama shorts as she basked in the comfort of the heat that was soaking into her core.

She closed her eyes, leaning back on her hands as the sun continued to rise.

It was another timeless moment before she thought she heard the faintest call of her name.

She almost dismissed it as her imagination before Mira’s voice rang out a second time, louder this time as she heard her balcony door slide open.

She quickly jumped up, grabbing her t-shirt and heading back down.

Zoey was waiting in the kitchen, exclaiming loudly as she saw Rumi return, drawing Mira back out of her room.

“Wait, what’s wrong?”

Zoey’s question was paired with a concerned look at Rumi’s tear-stained face and state of undress as she surged forward into Rumi's orbit and sparked a blaze under Mira’s heels, carrying her down the stairs much faster than she normally took them.

“Nothing’s wrong. I- I was just outside and… realised this was the first time in years that I’d felt the sun on my skin- well… patterns”

“Oh Rumi…” Mira’s voice was tight with emotion, as Zoey’s eyes became glassy.

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault-”

Rumi’s voice caught as she felt a gentle touch against her bicep, followed by a second more tentative touch at her waist.

Mira had stepped in closer, her hand finding Rumi’s arm as Zoey’s gaze seemed to be suddenly glued to her midriff where her hand was now resting. The two seemed suddenly very focused, as if they had only just registered her state of undress (which is exactly what had happened) and Rumi had no idea how to handle this new attention.

“I- Um… You…” Rumi immediately clamped her mouth shut to avoid any of the startled noises vying for release escaping, as hands started tracing along her patterns.

Their touches were light, almost enough to tickle, but firm enough that Rumi wasn’t able to find the will to escape the sensations firing through her body.

Her patterns still felt hyper-sensitive, each graze of a fingertip sending sparks along her skin.

But the expressions of awe on their faces still confused her. There wasn’t a trace of negativity in their eyes, their touches eager while still being gentle.

“What do they feel like?” Zoey caught her watching them, her curiosity winning out over any plans she had to give Rumi time to open up to them at her pace.

Rumi paused to consider that, never really paying that much attention to her body, as she couldn’t think about it for too long without spiralling into self-loathing. That and normally all she felt was burning and sharp bolts of pain when her patterns spread outside of the constant dull ache she had grown so used to. An ache that seemed less than she remembered somehow now she focused on it. Then came finding the right words to try and describe it.

“Kind of like a sunburn?”

Hands immediately snatched back. Apologies starting to spill out.

“No. No. Not in a bad way. I’m sorry, it’s okay. It’s just… hard to find something that explains it right. They feel hypersensitive, but they don’t hurt anymore. It’s like when you brush over a fresh sunburn, that kind of sensitivity, but without the pain?”

The other two nodded, seeming to understand at least a little bit.

Zoey tentatively returned her hand to trace another bolt along Rumi’s arm, pulling back again when Rumi shivered slightly at how overstimulating the touch felt while she was focusing on the sensations.

Mira also seemed slightly transfixed on Rumi's patterns, but snapped herself out of it when Rumi reacted.

Thankfully, she chose to give Rumi some space from the topic of her patterns as she shifted them back on track for the plan they had for the day.

“We should start getting ready to head out soon. The bath house is quietest late mornings. If you still want to go?”

Rumi nodded. “Yeah, I'm actually really looking forward to it”.

Zoey started bouncing with excitement, racing off to get changed as Rumi and Mira followed at a much calmer pace.

The ghost of their touches lingered on Rumi's skin in a way that made her chest flutter. She was used to being on guard every time they were close. Feeling her body tense when Zoey pulled on her sleeve too enthusiastically or Mira teased the hem of her sweatshirt while they cuddled. She always had to be ready to pull back or step away. And yet now they were touching her skin, her patterns directly and she didn't have to hide. It was confusing her to no end. But hopefully that meant she was at least starting to unlearn decades of ingrained behaviour. That and she wasn't quite sure she was ready to admit how much she liked it. How much she felt at home letting them in like this now she knew what she'd been missing out on all this time.

As Rumi moved through her room, changing into loose sweatpants and a t-shirt, her mind wandered more. She remembered the first (and only) time she'd been in a bath house, surrounded by demons while trying to face off against the Saja Boys.

The memories drew her gaze to the cloth that had once helped cover her patterns that now lived on her dresser. Her heart twisted, pain filling her chest at the reminder of what she'd lost.

She walked over, taking the cloth in her hand, gently touching the knot she hadn't found it in herself to undo for reasons she couldn't even begin to explain.

She felt her breathing grow tight. Drawing breath suddenly felt impossible as the room began to spin, the vice closing around her torso cinching in.

Why did she deserve to go on acting like nothing had happened, like everything was normal? Why was she living like this was okay when he hadn't even survived?

She didn't know what she felt towards him. It wasn't love. Not really. But he had seen her. He had understood. Even if it was all part of an act to get closer to her, she had felt like she didn't have to hide fully with him. Especially after he helped cover her patterns during their face off, when he could have just left her there to face her fellow Hunters alone. Exposed her secret then.

She almost wished he had now, it would have hurt less than the way things had played out. The way he had betrayed her on stage and broke his promise to help her seal the Honmoon.

She knew he couldn't trust she knew he'd stay on their side when the Honmoon sealed. She didn't even know for sure if she'd survive, let alone if he could be free too.

And yet the guilt of failing him was eating at her. The weight of watching him burn in her place as he gave his soul to strengthen her sword still pressing into hers. The memory of him smiling at her like she deserved that kind of gift haunting her.

She felt her knees give out, crumpling to the floor and curling forward into herself as she felt tears start to fall again.

She wasn't sure how long had passed, but it was enough time for her to hear a knock at the door. She couldn't do anything to pull herself together. Couldn't find the strength to respond, to stop the handle from moving.

Mira tentatively pushed the door open, only to rush forward when she caught sight of Rumi's fragile form huddled up in the middle of the room.

“Are you okay?”

Rumi couldn't find the words, and as much as she wanted to brush this off, smile her way through to pretending she was, she couldn't find the strength to.

The smallest shake of her head was all she could manage, as Mira's energy softened in response.

She sat down beside Rumi, hand moving to rest on her lower back, grounding her.

Rumi slumped into her side, feeling the hand move to hold her firmly against Mira as her body trembled.

“What's wrong?”

Rumi had to take a few stabilizing breaths before she could respond. “ I don't know. I was getting ready, and… thinking about the bath house. I just… remembered him. How I failed”.

Mira's hold on her tightened slightly.

“You didn't fail”

“He's gone. I said I'd free him and he died. Why should I be able to carry on like that didn't happen? Like I didn't lie to him too? Like everything is normal again”

Rumi startled slightly when Zoey’s hand rested on her back where Mira's had been.

“Maybe that was the only way he could be free? He was under Gwi-Ma’s control, for all we know he would have been dragged back when the Honmoon sealed to suffer the wrath of failing his king. He chose to save you, and maybe that's what saved him?”

Zoey was guessing, none of them would ever have guaranteed answers, but she was right.

Rumi knew it was his choice. Had seen the peace in his eyes as he faded away. He wasn't suffering in that moment, even with fire eating away his body.

But that didn't make the sting any less. The guilt of watching someone else die because of her. Another on the long list of people she'd indirectly killed because she couldn't do her duty. It hurt especially knowing she was resigned to her fate in facing Gwi-Ma, whatever that may have been.

“And you can't let the guilt stop you from living. You have been hiding for so long, shrinking yourself now wouldn't be honouring his choice to take that hit, so that you could live”.

The idea that her fate was to survive was still an alien concept to her, one she wasn't quite sure she knew how to face.

And it didn't make the hurt ease, even if that were the case.

Tucking further into her band mates, she took a shaky breath before her arms habitually came up to wrap around herself and holding tight in an attempt to steady her breathing.

“I'm sorry… I don't think the bath house is a good idea today”.

“That's okay Ru, we can go whenever you're ready”. Zoey moved to squeeze Rumi's shoulder in comfort, only to jolt back as if she'd been burned when Rumi flinched away from the touch into Mira.

“What was that?” Mira's question was gentle but firm. Her familiar tone letting Rumi know she would wait for a response if necessary, but she wouldn't let this slide without one.

Rumi felt her insides freeze at the thought of talking about that night. That performance. Why the two of them touching her shoulders was making memories of being filled with terror as claws ripped and skin tore flash through her mind. Making her body feel trapped and laid bare all over again. Even though she knew they were safe in their own home.

“I…” She wanted so desperately to lie. To say she was fine and pretend she hadn't just flinched at their touch again. But Mira shifted so she was facing Rumi more head on, still in contact but not letting her run away as easily. This was no longer a one-off thing, and that meant there was more to it than Rumi was telling them.

That and she hadn't flinched from them in years.

She had a lot initially. Zoey was always very hands on in a way Rumi was clearly not used to. But she had slowly opened up, relaxed into the gentle touches and enthusiastic full body shakedowns. The cuddle piles and easy hands finding hers when anyone was excited or anxious or stressed. It had been like teaching a stray dog that used to get beaten that touch wouldn't come with pain. But they knew Rumi was looked after by Celine, and they figured there was no way there was physical abuse happening as they were all together so much and Rumi never had any injuries that didn't come from training or fighting demons. That and she hadn't started wearing long sleeves until after they'd moved in together and Celine had taken a step back from managing them. So they had just watched, learned which touches were okay and leant into them until she had started to melt back. Unconsciously it seemed though, as she never initiated anything even when they would bet everything they had she wanted to with the way she would watch them interacting.

So this, her flinching again, was worrying. Especially when she was opening up more each day already. This felt like a step backwards in a way that made the other two concerned.

“I… don't know if I can get into that right now”.

“Are you okay though?”

“Not really? But it's not your fault. I think I need more time”.

Zoey looked heartbroken, and Mira's eyes carried the weight of a sadness within them, deeper than the hurt she usually tried to hide when Rumi brushed her off instead of opening up. Like she knew the answer subconsciously but hadn't fully made the connection herself yet.

“Okay. We're here when you're ready then”.

Mira looked a bit distant, the way she always did when she was trying not to let disappointment show, and that tore Rumi up inside to see. But she knew the memories were still too raw. Still needed time to process them herself before she felt ready to voice them without shattering again.

Zoey instead suggested they watch more of her show, admitting defeat that the other two didn't care at all for the plot, so they could zone in and out as they wanted to.

Mira agreed a little too fast, and Rumi couldn't stop a small chuckle escaping that earned a death glare from Mira, who knew Rumi had figured out she was now invested in at least some part of the awful reality drama. She almost always got hooked once things started getting messy, even if it was just to hate watch.

The trio were about to head downstairs when Zoey said she was going to grab her phone, make sure she hadn't missed anything important in the week they'd had off them, and Rumi asked Mira for hers too with a promise she'd stay off social media. They already had Bobby keeping up appearances on their accounts (they each had a “personal” account and shared the Huntix account) to keep the fans happy with some engagement and it hadn't been long enough for the troll comments to get properly buried yet.

Mira went to get both their phones as Zoey and Rumi headed down, opting for their pillow neast again which was still in place from the night before instead of the couch, as Rumi reset everything and Zoey loaded up their snack basket to carry over.

Mira joined shortly after, grabbing drinks as Zoey started up the show, rolling her eyes performatively as Zoey gushed over the latest reveal, but still joining in on how terrible the guy was for gaslighting the woman he was apparently in love with.

Zoey's energy was triumphant, knowing she'd won Mira over on this one at least until the guy she was hating on got voted off.

Rumi stayed out of it, enjoying watching their back and forth as she powered up her phone.

They all turned to it when a slew of notifications buzzed through.

They all had their socials muted to avoid their phones going off 24/7, so the notifications could only come from people who had Rumi's number.

Scrolling through, the first bunch were missed calls and texts from Bobby the night of the showdown with Gwi-Ma, asking where they were and if they were okay before he came round in person.

Rumi's entire body froze when she saw the next set of notifications.

She scrolled with trembling hands through numerous missed calls from Celine. Followed by texts.

All starting the day their “Comeback” posted launched.

It hadn't even been three full days and she already had 20 missed calls, 4 voicemails and 7 messages (which were astronomical numbers for Celine).

Zoey went to start the next episode, but Rumi suddenly felt too boxed in. This was all too much.

She stood, stumbling over legs and ignoring the other two as they tried to call out her name, dodging their hands as they tried to stop her leaving.

She flew across the living room and up the stairs, retreating to her room and locking the door as the walls felt like they were closing in.

Her phone was flung across the room as she moved to her balcony door, locking it too and closing the curtains on autopilot as she tried to hide. Tried to shut the world out long enough to steady herself again. Feel stable enough to figure out what to do.

She heard banging on her door.

It was too much.

She was too much.

She just needed the world to stop for a minute so she could breathe.

Today had been too much.

She shouldn't have asked.

Shouldn't have wanted.

This was what she got.

She heard Zoey and Mira calling for her, saw the handle turn only for the door to stay shut.

It was too much.

The nightmares.

Jinu.

Celine.

She clawed at her neck as her throat constricted.

Moving to the shower, she turned it as hot as she could before turning it up to full blast.

She stepped inside before the water had warmed and the shock of cold helped ground her for a moment before she sank down, curling into a ball under the heavy stream.

Letting the water pounding against her close off any other sounds. Hide her from the world for a moment.

Her clothes clung to her, acting as a semi-hug without needing to worry about anyone else.

She was falling back on habits. Coping mechanisms that worked.

Or should work.

She trusted Mira and Zoey, but she didn't know how to lean on them.

Didn't know how much she could.

And she'd already needed them so much.

She couldn't handle the thought of them being tired of dealing with her.

Especially not right now.

So she was going to deal with this.

She had to.

Besides, this was for her.

Mira would have said if Celine had reached out, right? And Zoey would have reacted when she checked her phone if she'd got anything.

So that meant she was the only one.

This was her responsibility.

Her mistake.

She could feel the edges of her vision darkening.

Details sharpening, throwing her sense of perspective off further.

Even with the water hammering down on her, she was losing her grip. Falling into the panic that was making her body lock up, trapping her on the floor as her breathing ran ragged.

She didn't know how much time had passed.

The world wasn't reaching her.

She was too much

This was too much.

But the next thing she knew, there were hands. Bodies.

Warmer than the steaming shower almost, before it cut off.

Blazing through her.

Drawing her back.

Gently peeling her out of the ball she'd become stuck in, coaxing her muscles to release. Letting her body flop open like a sponge that had been squeezed too tight.

Firm arms wrapped around her.

Two sets.

Her body kept trying to curl up again. But the arms held firm, not letting her move.

It should have felt stifling.

But the warmth flooding into her even after the shower was off felt like a respite, not a cage.

Slowly she came back.

The darkness clouding her vision faded.

Her body was shaking, her patterns had darkened, even her hands had shifted just enough for her nails to spike into points that had sunk into her arms.

Slowly she relaxed, and eventually opened her eyes.

What met her was a sight she wasn't quite prepared for.

Zoey and Mira were both soaked, their clothes clinging to them, but neither seemed to care.

They were both watching her, eyes filled with pain, brows knitted with worry, arms embracing her like she was the only thing worth holding on to even while her body was changed.

“I- I can't-”

She stopped as her voice rang with a familiar tri-tone. The vibration running deeper than it should.

The self contained echoes tripping over themselves, making the space sound hollow.

“Can't what Rumi?” Mira coaxed her to meet her gaze again with a gentle squeeze.

“Can't do this”.

“Do what?” Zoey looked lost, but she never stopped holding Rumi.

Rumi couldn't bring herself to say more, the demonic tone to her voice spinning her mind out, spiralling into her fears about losing control.

She'd never changed before the Idol Awards.

No matter how stressed she got, no matter what was happening.

She had always stayed human.

Or as a human as she could be.

And the Honmoon was sealed.

So why was she shifting?

Why were her demon features coming out now?

Her mind raced.

She couldn't calm down, and she felt sharp stinging along her arms where her claws sunk in again, finding new purchase.

Zoey was the first to notice and moved to take Rumi's hands in hers, gently prying them away to hold them firmly. Not letting Rumi snatch them back.

Mira caught on when blood dropped, running into the last of the shower water and fading into the drain.

Her embrace tightened. Pulling Rumi into her so she didn't have the space or the leverage to fight Zoey off.

She could have probably flung them both off her if she really wanted to.

She'd always been the strongest of the three of them, though Zoey's speed and Mira's reach and fluidity meant they were fairly evenly matched when they sparred.

But right now, they were holding her.

Even when her demon features were showing. Even with her patterns darkened and her ability to speak shifted.

They were still here.

They stayed like that, Mira's breathing slowly teasing Rumi's to match her pace as Zoey held her hands firmly.

It was only when she started shivering from the cool touch of soaked clothes that her body was able to start calming down.

Her hands relaxed, shifting back to their natural form.

Her vision softened.

Her patterns faded.

She could taste blood.

She must have bit her lip at some point.

The other two also slumped slightly, relief flooding their faces.

“Rumi, please. What happened?” Zoey looked ready to cry as she asked, still holding Rumi's hands.

“Celine”.

That was all she had to say.

The two Hunters tensed, their holds on her shifting for better purchase.

“What did she say to you?!”

Mira was fiercely protective of the younger two, and had on more than one occasion punched a handsy fan or snapped at a reporter who was asking questions that were too personal. The biting edge to her voice cut through the space. Oddly comforting to Rumi where anyone else on the receiving end of it would probably start counting the minutes they had left to live.

It reminded her Mira still cared.

“I don't know… I saw the notifications and panicked. I'm sorry”.

The cracks in her walls deepened. Widening enough to let her cry again. To lean on her girls again.

“You don't have to apologise. We're not expecting you to be okay and I know learning to trust people have your back takes time. Do you want us to check them first?”

Mira's question openend a possibility Rumi hadn't even considered.

Hadn't even known she could ask.

“We've got you Ru, whatever you need, we're here for you”.

That set off a new wave of tears that pulled Zoey and Mira in.

Their empathy for each other always helped get the bulk of emotions out of the way, and usually meant they were able to have more productive conversations after. Even if it felt silly and awkward doing it initially. It worked for them.

Rumi finally pulled herself together enough to answer.

“That would be really helpful. I don't know what… I don't know how to face her right now”.

“That's okay, I'll have a look and you get changed into something warm and dry”.

“Thank you”.

Mira nodded, peeling off her outer layers following Rumi's lead.

They all stripped to their underwear, a familiar boundary, before dropping their soaked clothes in a pile in the bathroom. Opting to deal with them later.

Grabbing a towel, Rumi made her way to her closet, while Mira asked where her phone was.

Rumi pointed in the rough direction she remembered throwing it before stepping out of sight to get changed.

They all had the ability to get into each others phones. They rarely needed to, but they all trusted each other enough that it was never an issue. The worst thing to find would have been Rumi stumbling across Zoey and Mira's nudes they'd sent each other when they were horny anyway.

She felt vulnerable, so reverted back to a comfort hoodie and sweatpants as she walked out to find Mira with her jaw tight as she stared at the screen.

“That bad…?”

Rumi was hesitant to ask, but it wasn't something she wanted to put all onto Mira when she was meant to the be the one dealing with it.

“Pretty much. She's pissed about the new posters. Not like she can do anything about it anyway”. Mira shrugged. Her “try me bitch” attitude shining through as she bristled at whatever their mentor had sent.

“The voicemails are all a few seconds each. I think she was deciding whether or not to say anything but she just said your name in the last one before hanging up. She had the same tone she always pulls out for the ‘faults and fears’ lectures”.

Rumi winced, knowing that tone well.

Celine saved it for when they had really messed something up.

“She can go take a long walk of a short pier”.

Zoey was back, and had brought dry clothes for Mira, who was quick to drop her towel and start changing.

Rumi turned her back, not knowing where to look.

“I don't care if you see me changing Rumi”.

Rumi nodded tightly, not trusting her voice and also not turning around until she was sure Mira was dressed. She was overwhelmed enough as it was today.

She fidgeted with her sleeve, anxious about what would come next.

“Do you want a summary? Or do you want to leave it until you're feeling more settled?”

Rumi paused, knowing this was only going to get worse if she ignored Celine for too long.

“A summary… probably best not to leave it…?”

“Okay. TLDR, she's pissed at you for showing your patterns, for not consulting her about it and she wants to see you in person to talk”.

Chapter Text

Rumi's entire body seized.

The thought of seeing Celine again made her want to throw up.

“Easy there. That's not happening, to be clear”. Mira's gaze was hard, but it wasn't directed at Rumi, who was fearing slightly for the safety of her phone as Mira’s grip tightened.

“What…?”

“You think we're going to let Celine anywhere near you after everything?!” Zoey exploded, a whirlwind of motion as she paced circles around Rumi's room. “She has hurt you for years under our very noses. Got in your head and made you feel less than worthy of the love and care you absolutely deserve. Told you to hide from us. Made you think the only option you had was-” Zoey cut herself off, a shiver running through her before she continued. “She isn't going to get in your head again if we can help it. And she's not getting near you unless it's on your terms”.

A short, rueful laugh escaped Rumi at how close the others were to a truth she wasn’t ready to get into with them, as she was only really starting to unpack her upbringing herself. So she left it at them thinking it was just the emotional stifling for now.

She also couldn't fully process her girls being in her corner still.

So she opted for crying again.

“Thank you”. Her voice was small. They still heard.

She didn't need to say more.

But when they moved forward out of habit to comfort her, Rumi took a step back instead, hands coming up to close herself off again.

They paused, both looking heartbroken, but waiting.

Giving her space so they didn't scare her off.

She was on edge now, terrified of feeling too much.

In case she lost control again.

She had hurt herself again without even thinking about it.

What if they'd been there?

What if she'd hurt them?

She had no idea how to control this.

How to stay safe.

How to stay human enough.

Mira and Zoey didn't move. They gave her space but they didn't leave her.

And it only added to the conflict stirring inside her.

“Whatever you're thinking, it's not helpful right now”. Mira met her confused look with a steady certainty. “You don't have to know what's going on. You don't have to have everything under control. You just have to let us help you however we can”.

“Also shutting us out isn't going to work anymore. We’re here for you Rumi, whether you know what to do with that or not. Also, it’s not like you can fully lock us out right now anyway…” Zoey rubbed the back of her head as she looked sheepishly at the bedroom door. Mira also looked a little bit embarrassed as she avoided looking over like a dog who knew it was in trouble for breaking something, but she still held herself like she was ready to square up to anyone who wanted to try challenging her actions.

It was only then that Rumi registered the splintered section of the frame, the handle sitting crookedly out of place, and the door slightly cracked near the lock and barely clinging to its hinges.

Her jaw went slack.

“Bobby's going to kill us”.

There was a pause as they all realised they'd need a good story for why the door was half of its hinges, before a round of laughter burst through.

It was still tense at the edges though. Rumi still wasn’t sure how much she could let herself feel right now.

Once they settled a bit, they moved to clean up the splinters of wood, trying to set the door back at least somewhat in place to try and make it look a bit less like it had been smashed in.

Rumi kept her distance still, not quite entering the orbits of either of her band mates as they worked.

Even as they moved down to the couch, drama on in the background mostly ignored, Rumi sat on one of the armchairs as they tried to come up with a story that worked to keep some space while she settled.

Mira was willing to take the fall by telling Bobby she got drunk and thought it was her room.

Rumi immediately shot down that idea. They all knew how much Celine hated them drinking too much and Bobby always caught the heat for “not keeping a close enough eye on them” whenever they did (they had snuck alcohol into the apartment a handful of times when they were alone so they didn’t get caught, but quickly got too busy for nights like that, or the hangovers). It only took them a few press and networking events alongside their solo drinking nights to learn their limits so Bobby wasn’t getting into trouble for their sake, and Rumi didn’t like the idea of using something that had caused him so much trouble as an excuse.

“Why don’t we say an assassin scaled the building and locked themself in Rumi’s room when we tried to take them out with the couch pillows?”

Zoey’s ideas so far had been hilarious, but totally unusable. That didn’t stop her from providing more though.

“Why not just tell the truth? Or some of it? Say I was having a hard time and you were worried when you heard a bang and I’d stopped replying?”

“What do we say happened to make the noise?”, Mira seemed on board with the idea while Zoey pouted a bit at her ideas getting shot down for something as boring as a semi-truth.

“I knocked my drink off the bedside table in my sleep and the glass broke? I was too sleepy to answer and you got worried?”

“That works”.

Zoey nodded in agreement in the end, still offering to spin a tale of sharknados if needed as a backup, which Rumi agreed could be their backup if Bobby didn’t believe them initially.

The rest of day passed with an uneasy dance, on Rumi’s part at least, as she struggled to find her place back in the rhythm of their trio, tripping over her words and missing cues in a way that threw her even more. The other two were carrying on as usual, though Rumi didn’t know if it was a conscious choice by them or just where they were and she was the one out of sorts.

Things had always been easy between them and to anyone outside they would still look like they were moving seamlessly. But Rumi felt like she was back at square one, trying to figure out how to exist around other people while feeling entirely underprepared. Watching the other two move like they’d studied at cram schools for a test she didn’t even know she was enrolled in the course for. Like she was on the wrong side of the glass, watching them more than being able to directly interact, even if they could still see and hear her.

She saw the sadness in their eyes when she caught their lingering gazes, struggling to figure out what that meant.

She was the leader.

The one who was meant to be looking after them.

And yet all they had done was look after her this past week.

It was undermining her perception of her role, shaking the foundations she had been taught to build herself up on, shifting her to new ground where she was struggling to level things out again.

But it had also lifted a load from her.

One she hadn’t really registered picking up until there were two extra pairs of hands helping her hold it.

It felt nice.

But it also made her feel guilty.

Even when she logically knew they wouldn’t be doing anything they didn’t want to.

Celine had not been pleased to learn how defiant they could be in their own ways. Zoey with firm refusal to do anything, going so far as to run and hide, or ragdoll herself so she was harder to move if people tried to force her to do anything. Mira went one of two ways. She either leant in hard with malicious compliance until the other person relented. Or fought back, usually only verbally unpicking the other person’s request and all the ways she thought it was ridiculous. Usually.

And it had rubbed off on Rumi. She had never really fought with Celine before her fellow Hunters arrived. But the more she saw them standing up to Celine, the more she saw any mistreatment or unfairness affecting them, the more she bristled. She still remembers how much her cheek stung after the first time she spoke back. But that didn’t deter her when it came to her girls. Biting back more and more, but only behind closed doors, when it was just her and Celine. She was never brave enough to stand up to her mentor in front of anyone, afraid of how she’d react. Afraid she might hurt someone else instead of Rumi. Even when she ramped up Rumi’s training or stopped pulling her punches, even when her temper got the better of her enough for her to strike Rumi. Even when her voice grew colder, her words cutting quietly, but deeply, in a way that choked Rumi into silence. She had people to protect now, and she was going to do that.

The trio were all stubborn to a fault at times, but their edges softened and they compromised far more than they could ever remember doing with anyone else when it came to each other.

When it came time to turn in for the night, the trio headed up, Rumi following the other two until she split off to head to her room.

She only stopped when she felt a gentle tug on her sleeve.

“You’re not joining us?” Zoey’s puppy dog eyes were turned up to the max. as Rumi hesitated. Zoey knew the older two were weak to them, but rarely pulled them out unless she really wanted something.

“I-I don’t…”

Rumi stepped back, just out of reach as Zoey’s hand fell back to her side, looking like Rumi just tore out her heart.

“We’re asking because we want you there Rumi”, Mira offered, heading Rumi’s spiral off.

“Yeah, I- I don’t really want any of us to be alone right now if we don’t have to be”.

“What if I change again?” Rumi tucked deeper into her hoodie, a familiar security blanket she sometimes hoped would just hide her from the world for a bit. “What if I hurt you?”

She wasn’t prepared for the softness in their expressions, expecting fear or sadness or something else. Softness was not on that list though. The fact that they might care for her deeply enough to trust her, trust that she wouldn’t hurt them chipping deeper into her walls. Boring holes through in the hopes of finding a weak spot to tear the whole thing down.

“You haven’t though”, Mira stepped forward, now next to Zoey. “And if you do, then we figure it out”.

She said it like it was the easiest thing in the world. Like the fact that Rumi might become a demon in front of them was just another day. Which it kind of was, but it was so different too. Because this was her changing, not a full demon where the answer to “what to do?” was obvious.

Rumi was terrified at the thought of changing.

Hurting them.

Losing them.

But they were looking at her like they always had, like she was just Rumi. Not a half demon, just her. And it shifted something in her in a way she knew wouldn’t be possible to put back.

So she stepped forward. Just a bit.

Trusting them because she couldn’t trust herself right now.

Getting close enough to extend the invitation to her girls to close the rest of the gap.

Finally letting them pull her in for a firm hug before being led to Mira’s room, as Zoey still hadn’t changed her sheets. She swore she’d get round to it soon. They knew it wouldn’t happen until they all had no other choice, but they didn’t mind.

Mira’s room sat somewhere between Rumi’s borderline sterile space and the chaos of Zoey’s, posters on the walls, figurines lining her shelves between books, and her gaming setup lit in gentle shifting colours in the corner.

It was cosy in a way that filled the space with everything Mira, and curling up in her bed felt like the easiest decision when a sleepy Zoey demanded they hurry up so she could pull the covers up.

Even then, Rumi didn’t sleep well.

She kept startling awake every time her dreams shifted to darker tones, terrified she’d change again. Scared of any chance she might risk hurting her girls.

And yet every time a warm arm or two wrapped around her to pull her back down between them, their warmth lulling her back into sleep.

Starting the cycle over again.

-----

It was an uneasy few days following Rumi’s meltdown.

She felt constantly on edge, and Mira keeping an eye on her phone for her in case Celine sent anything else didn’t do much to settle her anxiety around what had been sent and what Celine might do if she still doesn’t respond.

They kept themselves busy with the gym or sparring, working on the backing track for the official release of ‘This is What it Sounds Like’ so it was ready to go when they felt up to recording vocals properly and watching as much trashy TV as possible, catching up on their lists of shows they hadn’t had the time to watch while in the chaos of world tours, album launches, press events and networking around all the demon hunting on the side.

Her sleep was still suffering, even with her girls there. And by the third day she had taken to sneaking out once the other two were asleep and either hiding on the roof until she was too tired to dream, or settling in for another sleepless night on her balcony, the cooler air helping to ground her as she watched the city moving like meditation.

If they knew she was sneaking off, no-one commented on it, but Mira did check in on day five when Rumi started having a hard time eating again.

“You okay? You don’t normally go off food unless something’s really bothering you”.

She was standing across the island from Rumi in the kitchen, nursing a tea she was waiting to cool to the perfect temperature and waiting for Zoey to return from the shops while watching food get moved around the plate without any attempt to really eat it.

Rumi shrugged, not really knowing what she was feeling or how to even begin answering.

“I know you haven’t been sleeping well either. You have to look after yourself Rumi”.

“I’m trying. I just- I don’t feel safe”.

Mira stiffened, and the anxiety tightening her jaw had Rumi quickly scrambling to clarify that it had nothing to do with Mira.

“I don’t feel like I’m safe. I feel like I’m a ticking time bomb”. Mira relaxed slightly, but her expression shifted to worry. “I don’t know why. We won. We’re here. The Honmoon is sealed and we haven’t seen a single demon in two weeks. And yet I feel like I’m always on edge. I can’t relax. I can’t sleep. The thought of eating is making me feel nauseous. Why am I not okay? Why can’t I just be normal? Why am I still this broken?!”

Rumi didn’t realise her voice was rising until it cracked over the last word.

Mira was next to her, a familiar warmth that pulled Rumi in as strong arms held her closer.

“You’re not broken”, Mira squeezed slightly when Rumi started to protest, pausing her comeback. “I know it feels that way, especially when you’re picking up the pieces when things change in a big way. But you aren’t broken. It makes so much sense that you’re not okay right now, so much has happened and you’ve been through so much. But also calm can feel unsafe when you’re used to being in a storm”.

Rumi trembled in Mira’s arms, earning another squeeze, before Mira continued when she couldn’t find a response.

“It’s actually very normal to be on edge when you’re so used to being on high alert and suddenly the reason you have for that disappears. Your brain and body have been hard wired to be prepared for the worst, and that does a number on your nervous system. Unpacking all that and learning that you’re safe in the calm takes time. That doesn’t make you broken or abnormal, it makes you human, even with the demon part of you there. You are still you. You are still our Rumi”.

It’s almost like one of them had been to therapy.

“And we’re here for you, however we can be. Even if you don’t know what that looks like, we can just be there with you, be there for you, until you figure it out”. Zoey was evidently back from her snack run, setting the bags aside so she could wrap around Rumi from behind as she spoke. “And if that doesn’t work I’m sure I can come up with some other ideas to try”.

Rumi didn’t feel like she needed to cry, but she was definitely overwhelmed even as the words helped settle her. Calming the chaos in her brain enough for her stomach to rumble.

“I guess that helped a bit?” Mira pulled back enough to be able to look down at Rumi with a small chuckle, pushing a stray lock of hair that had escaped the loose low braid Rumi had been sporting on the days her hair wasn’t left down or pulled into a messy bun and holding Rumi’s gaze. Staring into her soul as she checked in.

“Yeah, thank you Mira”, Rumi gave her a firm hug and a small smile before holding Zoey’s hand where it was still locked around her waist. “And thank you Zoey. You guys are the best”.

“We know”, Mira looked satisfied that, at least for the moment, Rumi was a bit more stable. Her response would probably have read as cocky to anyone else, but Rumi knew it was her way of acknowledging the thanks without feeling weird about it.

Rumi was quick to finish the plate in front of her, feeling a bit lighter as the rest of the day moved past their little bubble.

But like all bubbles, they were prone to bursting.

-----

They continued their pattern of keeping themselves busy, and another four days passed without issue before Rumi started feeling a bit more like she was matching their beat again.

Even though she had reverted back to hoodies and sweatpants again, not quite feeling comfortable with her patterns again yet.

Bobby had sent someone to fix her door, not actually asking about how it happened in the end, much to Zoey’s disappointment that her latest idea for a story wouldn’t be needed, and that was about the only thing that broke up the easy routine they had settled into, in a way that meant it was an oddly exciting event for how mundane it actually was.

They kept themselves busy enough that they didn’t get cabin fever, but also actually left themselves time to properly rest.

It was a nice rhythm they had found themselves in.

But that peace shattered.

The ding of the lift was the first warning they had that anyone was coming.

They were all expecting Bobby, so none of them moved from their spots at the island, where they were eating dinner as the door opened.

Rumi was the first to register who it was when no voice called out for them, her blood running cold as her adrenaline spiked at the familiar click of heels.

Mira clocked the shift in Rumi’s demeanour and was quickly on her feet to stand between her and the entrance. Zoey picked up the energy change and followed Mira’s lead even though she wasn’t fully sure what was going on yet, her eyes darting between the older two as she tried to catch up on what she’d missed.

Celine rounding the corner snapped her attention and set her jaw tight though, her body tensing as she moved to further block Rumi, who had started shaking, without a moment of hesitation.

“What do you want?” Mira’s voice was cold, matching Celine’s energy with enough bite to stop the woman in her tracks.

“I told Rumi I wanted to speak to her. I am here to have that conversation”.

“You didn’t say you were coming”.

“She didn’t reply to me”.

“We didn’t. I have her phone right now”.

“Why would you do that?”

“Because I care about her”.

“So do I”.

Mira’s snort and Zoey’s scoff bristled against Celine, who pulled herself up, making sure she was standing tall as she faced off against them.

“Sure, because repressing and isolating people until they break is a textbook way to show you care about them”. Sarcasm dripped through Zoey’s words as she beat Celine to whatever she was about to say, her hackles rising in response to the maknae’s cutting words, as she had clearly not expected or prepared for this kind of confrontation.

“Everything I did, I did to protect you all”. Her voice was clipped. They could hear the anger she was trying to wrestle with to maintain her illusion of control.

“You mean protect the Honmoon”.

Celine let out an exasperated sigh, running her hand through her perfectly styled hair, leaving it slightly ruffled and out of place.

“I came here to speak with Rumi. And I would like to do that alone”.

Her tone shifted as she directed that last line to Rumi, looking past the other two to try and catch Rumi’s eye.

Rumi hated the way her body was screaming at her to move, to follow. Because that tone had laced its way into her brain to know it always meant punishment when she ignored it.

But she couldn’t bring herself to look up, couldn’t get her legs to move. Not when the details in the floor were sharpening and she could feel the sting of burning rising in her patterns. An ache that was growing more familiar filling her body as she recognised these were some of the markers that her body was shifting again. Her demonic features leaking through, fuelled by her fear.

“Tsk, this is exactly what I wanted to talk about. You’re not in control”.

Celine’s voice dripped with disappointment as she turned her head away.

She still wasn’t able to look at Rumi when her patterns were more visible, and Rumi knew they had darkened again even before she saw spikes of purple peeking out from the sleeves of her hoodie.

“You’re the one who isn’t in control here. And taking that out on Rumi isn’t going to go the way you want it to”, Mira took a step forward.

“You made choices for all of us, and that’s what ended up causing everything to fall apart. Also it’s insulting you thought so little of our love for Rumi that you convinced her we wouldn’t accept her fully”. Zoey stepped up to match Mira. “Well the egg is on your face here, we love every part of Rumi. Even when we found out she’d been lying to us because you told her to”.

“She made her choice, I will not-”

“Fuck off with that”, Celine looked like Mira had slapped her, not used to any of them swearing around her, let alone at her. “You’ve been in her ear, in her head from the moment you took on raising her. She didn’t need Gwi-Ma whispering anything to twist her thoughts against her, she already had you”.

“That’s not true. She-”

“It is”, Rumi’s voice was laced with the warble of its demonic tones, and even though it was far less pronounced than it had been in the shower just over a week prior, the immediate reaction Celine had to it was unmistakable. Flinching away slightly, hand coming to the opening of her large purse instinctively.

That set Mira and Zoey on edge

She forced herself to continue, eyes still glued to the floor. “The only reason I was able to survive Gwi-Ma whispering to me was because everything he said was just echoes of what you taught me to believe, things I already held as truth about myself. It saved me, but it also showed me how much I had been broken down by you. Even if you did think you were trying to protect something”.

The tri-tone faded slightly as she spoke, the softening of her vision and the slight fading of her patterns reassuring her that this was something she had to say, her body settling out of fight or flight mode as it processed how firm Mira and Zoey were in their choice to stand by her.

“I know now I can no longer hold on to any hope that you could love me for everything I am. You are too locked in to whatever hatred you hold for demons to see past that, to see me. I won’t ask you for that, and I won’t expect it. But I’m done hiding. And if that’s what you are here to ask me to do, then you have wasted a trip”.

Rumi finally found the strength to look up and, as she expected, Celine wasn’t really looking at her. Even knowing that was going to be the case, it still hurt.

But there was a shadow about the woman, something that could almost be read as sadness. It wasn’t the same as the fear and panic she had seen during their last confrontation.

“If there wasn’t anything else you wanted to say, I think you should leave Celine. And don’t message Rumi again, Zoey and I can deal with anything you might need to contact us for”.

Celine’s eyes finally lifted, darting back and forth between Mira and Zoey before finally landing on Rumi. She held it there, but it looked like she was actively having to try, before her shoulders sagged and she took a step back.

“For what it’s worth…” She turned towards the door, glancing over her shoulder briefly. “I am sorry about that night”.

And with that, Celine walked out.

The silence filling the space once the doors shut felt charged.

Zoey and Mira both looked back at Rumi, gauging her response to Celine’s parting words while clearly holding in their own reactions.

But Rumi was too tired to think, let alone react.

Her brain wanted to run a million miles a second, unpicking which part of the night Celine was apologising for. What else she might have wanted to say. How else she might have reacted if Rumi hadn’t calmed down enough to shift back somewhat throughout the interaction.

But for now, she settled for relaxing, consciously unclenching her jaw and letting her shoulders release the tension they had been holding.

Standing up to step towards her girls, not able to ask for anything, but hoping they’d pick up on her need for them.

And they did. Their ability to communicate without words shining through as they enveloped her in a tight hug, none of them moving as the adrenaline continued to leak out of Rumi’s system, leaving her legs weak and body trembling.

She knew there would have to be another conversation with Celine.

But that could wait. And it could happen on her terms and timeline, not Celine’s next time.

Right now she had her girls.

And she felt like she might just be in control for the first time since her patterns had spread enough to take her voice from her during the Golden release.

Chapter Text

Even so, once their hug ended Rumi started feeling flighty and was quick to try and escape to her room.

Only to find a strong pair of arms wrapping around her waist to hoist her off the ground so Mira could carry her over to the couch, using her height to her advantage to make sure Rumi couldn’t try to run. “Nope, we’re not doing the ‘you shut yourself away’ thing again just because your door’s fixed. We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t feel ready, but we’re having some downtime together after that”.

Rumi felt like she’d just been caught out as Mira read her like a book, but she relented to couch time without a fuss, gladly accepting her place in the middle of the cuddle pile as Zoey joined them.

They didn’t get as far as actually deciding something to watch before Rumi asked if they were both actually okay.

Mira gave a small grunt and a shrug, as Zoey did the thing where she tried to brush Rumi’s question off a little too cheerfully to be convincing.

“I’m sorry to drag you into this, you shouldn’t be fighting with her because of me”.

“We care about you Rumi, it’s our choice and not something we’re doing ’because’ of you”, Mira cast a quick glance towards the other two, her determination shining through. “She crossed a lot of lines and invaded our space like she was above consequences”.

“Yeah, I didn’t like the way she was speaking to us like she was owed access to you, especially when you were so obviously stressed out”. Zoey snuggled in a bit closer. “I also felt really off about her this time for some reason… Especially when she flinched”.

Rumi was confused when she saw the tight edge Mira’s jaw took on, and tilted her head in question.

“When you spoke for the first time… With the demon voice… She flinched and reached for her bag like there was something in it she thought would keep her ‘safe’ from you”, Mira put quotes around ‘safe’ and chuckled darkly. “She’d have to keep herself safe from me if she tried to do anything to hurt you at all though”.

Zoey nodded her enthusiastic agreement. “Safe from both of us”.

Rumi felt her stomach clench at the thought of Celine bringing a weapon here. The idea that her girls might get caught in the middle of something she should be dealing with herself causing a shudder to run through her.

They sat in silence for a bit longer before Rumi spoke again.

“Am I- Is it… weird that I feel off about her apology for some reason…?”

Mira and Zoey exchanged a glance, one Rumi caught this time, but couldn’t tell if she was reading it right when she saw anger laced with fear.

“Guys…?”

“No, not weird at all”, Mira answered first.

“It gave me the shivers, like she wasn’t sure what part she was saying sorry for. After that night and what- what you asked…”

Rumi tensed slightly, glad she wasn’t the only one who felt off about it. The air hung heavy around them as Zoey trailed off.

But that just added to her worries about why Celine had even come. They could have spoken over the phone, she never had to see Rumi again if she didn’t want to. She was never at press events or networking dinners anyway since the handover. And once the trio took over their own admin alongside Bobby when he stepped up to his full role, she really had no reasons left to come to the apartment. Especially when the few times she had visited for dinner after stepping back had felt forced and awkward for all of them, as her role had never really been motherly. And they had all been trained in such a way that they held her at a distance, largely due to her pressure to minimise their attachments and feelings. They had all closed off from her, while leaning in to each other for support more and more over time, knowing they weren’t built to be cold in the same way she was.

“I’m really scared she came here to finish things from that night…” Zoey spoke so quietly it could barely be called a whisper, but they heard. Zoey was often the one who would say the quiet parts out loud, her bluntness sometimes getting them in trouble, but more often than not, cutting through the fog of a conversation in a way that meant they could actually talk about the elephant in the room instead of dancing around it.

Rumi trembled slightly, but nodded, Mira’s arms coming up to tightly hold the younger two confirming they all felt equally uneasy about the interaction.

She could feel Zoey and even Mira shaking too, so hurried to try and reassure them “I don’t still… I never really wanted-”.

“We know”, Mira’s hold tightened further still.

Rumi felt a shiver run down her spine, steeling herself to carry on talking, even when every part of her brain was screaming at her to shut this down, to deal with it alone. To stop leaning on them.

“I- I can’t watch you fighting my fights. Promise me you won’t do anything that will get you hurt by Celine. I don’t want you getting hurt by getting caught up in something I should be dealing with”.

“Celine made it our fight when she came after you in our home and tried to isolate you from us again. We won’t do anything we don’t want to, that’s all I can promise when it comes to keeping you safe Rumi”.

“Yeah Rumi, you don’t get to decide what fights we pick. Like Mira said, it’s our choice to get involved, but I can promise you that we won’t start anything. If she does though, I’ll damn sure be the one to finish it if she tries to hurt you… Or tries to-”. Zoey couldn’t bring herself to finish the thought, and as terrified as their promises made Rumi, she also knew she couldn’t ask them to sit out if they didn’t want to. And they could hold their own if it really came down to it. That and Zoey’s promise they wouldn’t start anything gave her some comfort, as Celine was far less likely to start a fight like that if she could avoid it.

The three of them stayed in a pile, putting a mindless drama show on as a background distraction as they all eased back down again, adrenaline finally leaving their systems.

Mira’s hand eventually moved to trace the patterns on Rumi’s hand again, not really consciously, she looked a thousand miles away with her thoughts as she stared in the direction of the screen, but she was still seeking contact with the younger two as her other hand tangled in the ends of Zoey’s now loose hair.

It still baffled Rumi how their touches always seemed to gravitate towards any exposed skin on her now. Seeking out her patterns, exploring everything she’d kept hidden for so long, as if she wasn’t marked the same way as the creatures they’d been trained to kill.

Even logically knowing her patterns weren’t the same now. They had never seen iridescent patterns on another demon. But she was still coming to terms with them being out there herself, still getting used to their new hue. Still getting used to her girls knowing about them and acting like nothing had really changed despite everything.

Still adjusting to them just touching her like her skin wasn’t branded, scarred in a way that announced to the world what ran through her blood, to still want to be close to her wasn’t something she felt she’d get used to any time soon.

Mira’s touch sent liquid comfort seeping through Rumi’s body, setting her thoughts adrift as she sank deeper into the warmth.

Zoey’s hand found an opening at the waist of her hoodie, sneaking through it to rest directly against Rumi, curving around her like it was the most natural thing in the world. Not moving like Mira, but impossible to ignore.

Rumi’s body almost tensed, the unfamiliarity of feeling hands on her skin still throwing her off, especially when it seemed to come so easily to her girls.

But in the end it only encouraged her deeper into them, as she let herself sink further into the gentle warmth surrounding her.

Her thoughts wandered to the memories of seeing Zoey and Mira on the couch together like this, tangled up in each other with easy touches and soft voices when they thought Rumi wasn’t going to see them. The buzz of anticipation wrapped in warmth filling the space like they were the only two who existed in those moments. They weren’t keeping it a secret, she already knew about them by that point. But they were careful not to flaunt it around her.

Rumi always figured they didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, but uncomfortable was never the right word for it. It had always left her feeling hollow in a way she couldn’t describe.

Knowing the two people she cared for most were always just out of reach for her. The reminder was always stark when they were wrapped in each other’s arms like that.

She never felt like she wanted them to stop, but there was something there, something she couldn’t name.

Didn’t dare to name.

But she remembered it now, because for this moment at least, it felt like she’d been able to join them in that warmth.

It scared her if she were to be totally honest.

Feeling like this… like something was shifting within her, something she knew she wouldn’t be able to put back if it went too far.

Something she wasn’t sure she’d want to put back.

So she pulled herself away from the memories, from the flutter in her chest.

Pushed the feelings down, away. Walls trying to reinforce themselves to hold off the memories of thoughts she didn’t feel she was even allowed to have.

She just let herself exist in the warmth.

It didn't have to mean anything.

It didn’t have to be anything.

And she’d rather stay in this comfort than let something shift that might make her lose them, not when they’ve already had to adjust so much to accept her as she is now.

-----

The next two days followed with the usual routine they had settled into.

Rumi was slowly easing back into wearing shorts and t-shirts again, much to the obvious joy?... excitement…? of the other two.

Which didn’t help her navigating the fluttering in her chest every time a gaze lingered, or a touch stayed for a moment longer or strayed a bit further than was perhaps needed.

That night after Celine’s attempt to talk had shifted something in Rumi, something that had long since been trying to wriggle free of the fortress Rumi had built around it.

It was small, but it felt monumental. Like a keystone in an arch had been nudged just out of place, teetering on balance as if it was still deciding if it wanted to collapse the whole structure or not.

Rumi sunk herself into working out, hoping to tire herself out too much to let her thoughts run circles around what had really just been another evening cuddling on the couch together when she looked at it.

She was frustrated at herself for making this weird. At her thoughts for even considering there might be anything more to it.

She hadn’t felt this off balance with their proximity since first meeting Mira and Zoey, and getting used to how touchy Zoey especially was. Mira too once she got comfortable with the younger two, not that she’d admit that if she was ever asked.

And she didn’t know why this was so different from before. She wasn't wearing as many layers as before, and yet she felt like she was being laid out in a way that exposed her deeper than the clothes she was now wearing should.

Mira and Zoey joined her work outs on and off, but neither of them had the same fuel to keep going as Rumi did.

When they hit the weekend, Mira finally put her foot down, returning to the gym two hours after she and Zoey had left Rumi to continue her workout to break her out of the cycle before it could fully set in.

“You need to take a proper break Rumi. I don’t know what you’re trying to work through, but even with that, you need to let your body recover when you’re going this hard”.

Rumi let out a frustrated sigh as she grabbed her water bottle and took a few large gulps, knowing Mira was right, but annoyed at herself for pushing to the point where Mira felt the need to step in this early. Forgetting she couldn’t slip through the cracks as easily anymore now they all had a significant amount of free time to actually pay attention to each other, when compared to their pre-Idol Awards schedules.

“Want to talk about it?”

Rumi shook her head, mouth full of water initially. “It’s just some extra energy I’m trying to work out”.

“Is it because of Celine?” Mira’s voice still had a slight bite to the edges when their mentor came up, despite the core of worry to it.

“No. I… I’m still adjusting I think”.

“To what?”

“This”. Rumi slung the arm not holding her water bottle out, the patterns glimmering as they caught the overhead lights as she went to gesture at herself.

Mira must have thought she just meant the patterns being out. Her sudden proximity as she reached out and gently traced one of the jagged lines running down Rumi’s arm with a softness most wouldn’t believe her capable of without getting to know her, setting Rumi on high alert with her heart fluttering in a way that it was clear her mind was trying so hard to highlight what Rumi was still trying to avoid looking into.

“You know we don’t mind them at all, right?” Her hand stopping to gently hold Rumi’s wrist, finger tips tracing her palm and sending bolts of tingles along her patterns.

Rumi couldn’t get a word out around the lump that was firmly lodged in her throat, but she nodded, looking away as she knew that wasn’t really the issue here.

Mira stepped in closer still, gently tilting Rumi’s chin up to encourage eye contact.

“Then what do you mean?”

It felt Mira was staring through her, right to her core.

“Existing like this”. A half truth. It was easier than trying to pull at the stone that could topple everything to examine it properly. “I don’t know how to just be yet”.

“I’ll say it as many times as you need to hear this. You don’t have to know. And you don’t have to figure it out alone. You have me, and you have Zoey, that’s not going to change even if you do. Finding yourself is a whole process, and you’ve only really just started now you’re not hiding anymore”.

Rumi felt tears pricking at the corners of her eyes, and found herself stepping forward to wrap Mira into a hug before they could fall without even really registering the choice to move.

Mira tensed for a moment, clearly not used to Rumi initiating any kind of physical contact, but she was quick to relax into the hug, pulling Rumi tightly into herself.

Rumi had panicked for a moment when Mira tensed, not sure if she’d taken more than she should.

She didn’t know why she felt the urge to reach out first this time, usually the others came to her, even when she knew she wanted some comfort. So the worry that she had overstepped, or broken some unspoken rule was about to send her spiralling before Mira had pulled her closer, cutting the panic off at the root.

After Rumi’s breath settled back to even, Mira suggested they head up for showers.

She’d lost track of time scrolling through a game update log when it came through after their workout and they were both in need of a refresh.

The rest of the weekend was filled with a massive puzzle Zoey had pulled out from under her bed. They had no idea where she’d got it, but it was big enough to let them each work on a separate section before pulling them together.

The music channel was blaring in the background throughout, and they took multiple dance breaks when their own songs came up, as well as some of their favourites from other Idol groups to force themselves to stretch after a symphony of cracks had sounded from their joints the first time they’d moved from the puzzle without taking any breaks for hours.

They finally got to the last piece on the Monday morning, with a mini wrestling match, followed by an all out chase broke out when Zoey tried to claim the right to complete it as the youngest.

The older two had protested with their own arguments as to why they should get to finish the puzzle, so Zoey had run off with the last piece, starting a race through the apartment.

All their Hunter skills were put to use as they leapt over counters and vaulted over furniture, small tussles breaking out when whoever had the piece was caught by either or both of the other two.

It finally ended when Rumi managed to snag the piece after it fell out of their pile unnoticed by the others, launching herself over the balcony before Mira and Zoey could catch on that neither of them had the piece and untangle themselves.

She raced across the space and only just managed to slot the piece in before she was tackled from the side by Mira, Zoey following close behind as they fell into a pile in front of the couch.

Mira pinned Rumi down by her shoulders, keeping her on her front as she straddled her hips for extra holding power as Zoey rushed to wrestle Rumi’s clenched fists open.

Rumi couldn’t stop laughing, not having the heart to tell the other two it was too late, so she decided to play along for a bit more, holding her fists tight and wriggling them around to make Zoey’s job harder until Mira moved to pin her wrists down.

They were momentarily allies in defeating Rumi, and as Zoey finally got one fist open to find it empty, they were quick to focus on the other.

Rumi was laughing too hard to put up a proper fight this time, as her grip weakened, allowing Zoey to pry her hand open. Leaving the two confused as they finally registered Rumi’s laughter.

“Where is it?” Mira leant down and was trying to sound threatening, to anyone else it would have been. But Rumi could hear the laugh she was fighting back behind her breathlessness.

“You’re… Too… Late…” Rumi managed to huff out, which snapped Zoey’s head round to crawl to the puzzle, staring at it as she tried to find the opening in it.

Her groan of defeat as she found a complete puzzle depicting a Hojakdo piece finally broke Mira, who slumped forward slightly as her grip on Rumi relaxed with laughter, though she made no move to get up yet.

“Nooooo! How did… you manage… to get it?” Zoey was pouting, but the smile shining in her eyes headed off any possibility of the older two worrying she was genuinely upset.

“I’m just… That good”. Rumi grinned, laughing again as Mira huffed indignantly at her, gently shoving her down by the shoulders again, which reminded Rumi of exactly what position they were in.

Her face felt like it was just lit on fire, as her breathing refused to even out, feeling the shift of Mira’s thighs as she moved off her hips and crawled over so she could rest her back against the couch, not bothering to get up to sit on it properly.

Luckily they were all already red in the face from exertion, so she was able to chalk it up to that, but she knew her body hadn’t been that hyper aware of every point of contact before when they’d been sparring.

Shaking the thoughts from her mind, she rolled on to her side, tucking her arm under her head as Zoey slumped to rest her head in Mira’s lap.

Only to immediately spring up again, startling the others for a moment.

“We should totally go to the bath-house after all that! It’s Monday again after all and I don’t know about you two but I could really do with it”

Mira cast a glance over to Rumi, who was still coming down from the puzzle fight, but was with it enough to know that if she wasn’t ready, her reaction would have been immediate.

Seeing no obvious reservations from Rumi, she spoke up, “I’m up for that, you want to join us Rumi, or are you still not ready?”

Rumi paused for a moment, taking stock of where her thoughts were, finding no reason she didn’t feel ready. Besides her inexperience and worry about being in that space generally of course.

Her wobble from the last attempt seems to have been a one off, and she was honestly kind of excited at the idea of being able to relax in a tub big enough to sink herself into. As much as their baths were more than generous here, she was very curious to see what the hype was about after years of hearing about it from Mira and Zoey.

“I- I think that could be fun?”

Zoey squealed and ran to her room to get changed, as she chanted her excitement like a broken record.

Mira took a moment to check in Rumi was sure, before seemingly being convinced and offering a hand to Rumi to help her up so they could also head up to change.

By the time they were all dressed, Rumi found herself getting a bit anxious, but the excitement of the other two was infectious, and she couldn’t help but go along with their energy.

As they rode the lift down, Rumi chuckled slightly as she registered the design on Zoey’s bright yellow hoodie. It almost looked like Derpy.

She wondered what had happened to the two familiars, as she hadn’t seen them since the Honmoon was sealed.

She was a bit sad about the idea of never seeing them again. She’d really grown to like the pair, but she wasn’t about to let herself get lost in those thoughts and upset herself too much to make it out again.

As they got closer to the bath-house, Rumi started getting anxious, realising exactly what she had signed up for as Zoey skipped along ahead.

Mira stuck close next to Rumi, sensing her nerves and checking in with a gentle shoulder nudge.

Rumi sent a small smile her way, easing the worries of the older woman, who seemed content that Rumi wasn’t pushing herself too much.

“It’s normal to be anxious. I was the first time I came here with Zoey, and I’d put money on her being anxious too with how clumsy she was. It’s honestly a miracle she made it into the bath without any injuries”.

Rumi laughed at the thought, knowing how flustered Zoey could get when she was nervous. You wouldn’t think she was an Idol who was also a Hunter with how little co-ordination she had in those moments.

Zoey waited at the door, still practically vibrating with excitement as they walked in together.

Mira walked to the front desk, asking if they had any private baths available. The clerk said their private baths were currently closed for maintenance but given how quiet it was, they could make one of the smaller bath rooms private for them for two hours.

That seemed to sound good to Mira, who nodded to the other two and led them through to the changing room once they had collected their towels and locker keys.

Zoey and Mira were quick to find lockers and start undressing, both clearly used to this.

Rumi, however, found herself flushing, turning her back as she felt herself floundering at what to do.

“You okay Rumi?” Mira rested a hand on her shoulder, startling at Rumi’s flinch and pulling back again. But before she could say anything, Rumi turned to face the other two and immediately turned a brighter red as she registered they were both only wearing their towels now.

“Yep”. She managed to squeak out, making Mira soften and Zoey giggle.

“It’s okay, we can go ahead if that’s easier?” Zoey was quick to suggest when Rumi looked like she was considering her escape routes.

Rumi nodded, not trusting her voice to stay steady after the squeaky edge it had taken on.

Mira told her the directions to the room they’d be in before following Zoey out.

Rumi waited for the door to slide shut before she raced through pulling her cropped shirt and jeans off, folding them around her underwear before placing them in the locker, adding her shoes to the slot underneath. She was quick to secure her towel around herself, not used to being this naked anywhere but her own bathroom really.

She took her hair down too, securing her locker once the hair tie was added to the pile to clothes before wrapping the second towel around her shoulders to keep it out of the way.

As she stepped into the corridor, the steam filling the space eased her anxieties, helping her blend into the edges as she made her way down the hall, turning when she saw the sign Mira had told her to look out for and finding the door shortly after.

Mira and Zoey had both finished washing at the sinks as she entered, and were wrapping their now damp hair up in towels, smiling at her as she stepped up to take the stool next to them.

Rumi was endlessly thankful for the steam clouds for disguising the blush that had decided it was taking up permanent residence on her face, flooding down to her chest as she watched them stand and make their way over to the nearest of two large tubs set into the ground, now only wearing their hair towels as they carried their second towels to set them just outside the rim of the tub before stepping in.

She was quick to work her way through the steps to clean herself, trying to ignore the sensation of eyes on her back, as she didn’t want to deal with the possibility that it was just her imagination.

Or really the possibility that it wasn’t either.

The fog filling the space helped a lot in making her feel at least a little bit hidden, but every time her patterns glinted when they caught the low lights lining the space, she was reminded of just how exposed she was.

Once she was done washing, she also wrapped her hair up before holding her second towel around herself again as she stood.

She ended up getting stuck at the edge of the pool for a moment, self consciousness lacing its way through her, and Mira seemed to pick up on it immediately. But before she could speak, Rumi dropped her towel and quickly stepped into the water, lowering herself as fast as she safely could until she was hidden by the murky water.

Once the initial panic settled, the heat from the water seeped into her, pulling her back to relax against the edge of the tub. “Ah! Wow. This feels amazing!”

“We've been saying that for years”. Mira had also sunk back into the welcoming heat as Zoey also piped up. “Right? See what you've been missing?”

Rumi was quick to answer as she sunk down into a slightly more comfortable position. “Oh, yeah. I wanna come here every day of our three-month hiatus”.

They all sat in the quiet warmth for a while before Zoey spoke up, “Rumi, I'm so happy you didn't, like, die”.

Mira cast half a glance over to the maknae before speaking “Wow, Zoey, way to be super literal. But same”.

“I just... You guys just mean so much to me, and I don't really know what I'd do with you. I mean, I love you guys so much”. Zoey started tearing up, the sound of her voice wavering setting the older two off as they all blubbered their love for each other.

It wasn’t long after that Zoey asked if Rumi would be comfortable sitting closer together, still sounding a bit shaky from their earlier wobble, as Mira slid around to Zoey’s side without a second thought.

“I- Um… Sure”.

She wasn’t as fast to move as Mira, and kept a bit of space between herself and Zoey where the other two looked like they’d been welded together at the shoulder, but Zoey’s hand found hers under the water, and that seemed enough for the maknae in this moment.

Her thumb rubbed gentle circles into the back of Rumi’s hand, like she was the one who needed comforting right now, but it only added to the warmth Rumi felt enveloped by, sinking her into a full body zen state as she relaxed in a way she didn’t know her body could.

It felt like demons could burst down the door and it would take all of them a good minute to be able to fight with any level of confidence at the moment.

The heat she was surrounded by laced through her, forcing her muscles to ease, taking strain off her joints she didn’t even know was present until it was gone.

They stayed there the full two hours. Mira decided to use the sauna and cold plunge for a bit, before returning to their tub. Zoey and Rumi both opted to just marinate in the warm tub until they both felt like they were practically ready to get jarred with a batch of prunes.

When the desk employee knocked on the door to inform them they’d need to open the room to the public again in 20 minutes, they decided that was the perfect time to get out.

Rumi was too heat-drunk to care about the fact she was naked right now, climbing out of the tub on legs that felt like jelly as she grabbed her towel and slowly wrapped herself in it.

She thought she caught a blush on Zoey and Mira’s faces, but couldn’t pull together enough thoughts to consider if that was just the heat, or what that might mean if it wasn’t, as she started making her way to the locker room.

She hoped they could all get changed and out of the bath-house before it got busy enough for them to get recognised. The last thing she felt like dealing with was navigating a fan seeing them like this.

Once they changed, they all helped blow dry each other's hair, using two hairdryers on one person to speed things along (a trick Zoey and Mira had discovered after messing about one time), before setting about styling their hair into their signature looks, feeling confident people wouldn’t be expecting to see them, so they could fly under the radar a bit more than normal right now. That was largely why they had forwent their usual disguises this trip too.

Zoey requested a couch movie night, which started up their couch chant as they all danced their way along.

Mira reinforced “Three months of couch”, not caring to clarify they were almost at the end of the first month off already.

As they made their way down a side alley, they caught sight of three young Huntrix fans meeting, realising it must be late enough that school was out with the lower angle of the sun behind them.

Zoey rested her hand on Rumi’s bicep, before dragging it up to her shoulder and resting her chin there too. “Aw, look at them. They're so cute”.

Rumi nodded her agreement, “You know, I feel like we got a nice little break”. Her smile widening as Mira’s hand found her lower back for a moment before crossing her arms. “Yeah, I definitely feel recharged”.

Zoey pulled back slightly as she spoke again “Me too. I thought I wanted couch, but I think couch can wait”.

Rumi took the lead and stepped forward, speaking up to get the attention of the young girls “Hi, everyone”.

They waved as they settled into “fan mode”, smiling at the exclamations of “Rumi! Mira!”, “Oh my gosh, I love you guys so much!” and “You're the best”.

Feeding back “You guys are too sweet” and “No, you guys are the best” as they chatted for a while with the trio, getting photos and enjoying the interaction as they remembered the fans were why they were doing any of this in the first place. Even with the global impact of the Honmoon, the fans were always the reason it had its strength, they were always the reason.

More people began to gather, and it ended up taking them another two hours before there was a gap in fans big enough for them to make their escape, slipping down a side alley before setting off at a comfortable run to clear the area before easing back into a walk once their tower was in sight.

As they entered the lift, Zoey was quick to launch herself into Rumi, wrapping her tightly as she uttered thanks and emphasised how much fun it was to be able to share that with Rumi finally.

When the maknae finally paused to catch a breath, she pulled back just enough to look up, meeting Rumi’s eyes with a weight that had the moment freezing in time without any reason Rumi could put her finger on for a moment too long. When she finally cleared her throat and agreed the other two were definitely onto something with the bath-house she caught Mira watching them in the corner of her eye before pulling Zoey back in for a firm hug, struggling to hold the moment for any longer.

As they all piled into the foyer, shoes were flung haphazardly across the hall in the direction of the shoe rack they used for their regularly accessed options before all heading to collapse on the couch.

Mira pulled Zoey onto her lap when she tried to sit nearby, earning a small squeak of surprise, before Zoey collected herself in time to reach out to to the same thing to Rumi, who also let out a startled gasp as she was pulled to sit right up next to Mira while her torso was dragged partially in front of Mira so Zoey could also wrap an arm around her as well as Mira.

It was awkward, but with some slight adjustments they found the spots their bodies slotted together perfectly, settling in to watch a new series Mira had read about.

They barely made it through two episodes before Rumi felt sleep tugging at her, the last of the boost of energy she had rallied for the fans now leaving her system, leaving her body loose as her muscles reverted to their post-bath-house state of relaxation.

Even Mira seemed to be struggling to stay awake, so they made a group decision to get ramyeon, before heading to bed.

It was definitely the right call, Zoey almost faceplanted her noodles as she fought off sleep, and they were all sluggish as they made their way up to change into pyjamas, Zoey insisting they used her room so the fact she’d finally changed her sheets on Friday was actually worth the effort.

The older two agreed, and Mira told Rumi to dress light, as she would feel warmer tonight after the bath-house.

When Rumi joined the others after getting stuck for a while flitting back and forth between outfit options, she was glad she went for the set she did when she saw both Zoey and Mira had also worn vests and shorts.

They were quick to drag her into the middle again, Zoey pulling Rumi’s arms around her as Mira’s arms wrapped around them both, pulling the three snugly together.

“Is everything okay?” Rumi wasn’t used to them both being quite this close, even without taking into consideration the amount of skin that was touching right now, and she was anxious Zoey was upset at something, as that was usually when she sought out intense physical contact.

“Yeah, today was great is all”. Zoey felt like she’d sidestepped a thought that wanted to come out, but Rumi didn’t know how to ask about it, so she let it be.

“It was amazing getting to share that with you Rumi. It may be silly, but we have always wanted you to be there with us”. Mira’s response also felt like it held a heavier weight to it than what was actually said.

Rumi’s heart picked up slightly as she struggled to figure out what subtext she was missing the key to so she could unravel the code.

Mira’s arms held them both slightly closer, as Zoey’s hand found hers.

Rumi found herself too tired to do much of anything.

But as the warmth of the two women framing her body lulled her off to sleep, she couldn’t do anything to stop one thought from escaping containment to echo through her mind as she drifted off.

‘Am I really content with just this?’

Chapter Text

A whine of protest escaped Rumi as she fought the pull of consciousness.

Still, her body continued to wake up against her will, pulled out of the comfort of sleep by what she was slowly registering was a tickling sensation brushing past her nose.

She scrunched her face, hand coming up to try and brush whatever the offending source of the tickle was, only for it to come back again.

After a few more rounds of trying to brush whatever it was away, Rumi finally opted to nestle closer to the source of warmth she could sense nearby, hoping to hide from the world, and the unpleasant sensation for a bit longer.

Rumi felt more than heard the grunt that preceded a chuckle that rumbled through the person she was now aware she had pulled herself into.

“MmmmWhat?” She grumbled, tucking further into the body next to her.

Mira’s laugh came through clearer now, soft as it was, as Rumi finally gave up on holding on to sleep.

“You need to let me up, I really need the bathroom”.

“So go?” Rumi hadn’t registered what the issue was here.

Or why she needed to be awake for it.

“Rumi?”

She relented and pulled back just enough to look up at Mira when it was clear the other woman wasn’t going to give up, her grumpiness shining through as she squinted up to meet Mira’s entertained smile.

“What?”

Mira laughed again, the hand holding the end of Rumi’s braid coming up to trace down Rumi’s arm with it, sending ticklish bolts through her. “You need to let go of me first”.

Rumi finally came to enough to register the way her legs were tangled with Mira’s as her arms wrapped firmly around Mira’s waist.

“And please stop squeezing me tighter, I’m already desperate enough”. Laughter dancing through her voice, as if Mira could sense Rumi’s desire to just pull back into her.

Rumi finally huffed and extracted herself from the pink haired woman, rolling over to find Zoey instead, still not fully awake as she wrapped her arm around the smaller woman’s waist, tucking herself closer to the bundle of heat as hands wrapped around her arm and she let herself doze off again.

She felt Mira’s return before she fully drifted off, nestling back when Mira’s arms framed her again.

Relishing in the peace this moment was filled with until sleep took her again.

Too tired to think about anything more than warmth.

-----

When Rumi woke again, the sun was already well up and Mira was sat up against the headboard, scrolling through her phone, looking like she wasn’t really paying much attention to what was on the screen.

Zoey was still passed out, and it was now Rumi’s turn to face the predicament of needing to get up, but not wanting to disturb the youngest, who currently had her arm held in a vice grip where it was resting across Zoey's smaller frame like a seatbelt.

“You can get out without worrying about waking her, you know? She’s gonna be out until she’s ready to wake up after sitting in the bath for so long yesterday”.

Mira didn't seem even remotely phased by Zoey's actions, which made Rumi wonder for a moment how many times she'd been in this situation to be able to say that with such confidence.

It made something inside Rumi twinge for a split second, but she was still too full of sleep to show any outward reaction.

Rumi was apprehensive, but knew Mira wouldn’t lie about something like that. So she slowly extracted herself by prying the arms around hers off, slipping out before they could latch on again despite a valiant subconscious effort to do so.

“Do you want a coffee while I’m up?”

Mira nodded, smiling at Rumi with a softness that made her stomach flip, “That would be wonderful actually”.

Rumi cleared her throat and nodded, before heading out the room, thrown by the way her body was behaving this morning when she was still too tired to form coherent thoughts.

As Rumi made her way down to the kitchen, the thought that had slipped through her walls the night before resurfaced, leaving her feeling like the wind had been knocked out of her.

Her thoughts spiralled as she thought about how clingy she had been last night, and even more so this morning.

She suddenly felt scared she was taking too much.

Overstepping.

Crossing lines she couldn’t see and wouldn’t even know where to start asking about.

It felt like ice was filling her veins as she went through the motions to prepare coffee, making a third in case the smell of it was enough to rouse Zoey out of her deep sleep. Relying solely on muscle memory as she ran herself in circles internally.

By the time the coffee was done, Rumi had managed to wrestle the thoughts back behind the walls she then went to reinforce.

She didn’t have it in her to begin unpacking anything right now.

She was okay with everything as it was.

It didn’t need to change.

She was too scared of it changing.

Of anything tipping the delicate balancing act she felt she was in after her demon half got revealed.

Of pushing lines until she crossed into a space where Zoey and Mira would finally decide they were done with her.

So she was okay with things now.

She had to be.

Because the thought of anything else terrified her.

-----

Sure enough, as she returned to Zoey’s room, the smell of coffee was enough to trigger a series of grumbles from the maknae, who pulled herself up and made grabby hands towards Rumi without really looking at her. Rumi felt her heart swell at the adorable sight, framed by the mane of bed hair sticking out at every angle.

Handing over one of the mugs, Zoey mumbled a thanks, cradling hers close as she continued to wake up, almost as if relying on the coffee fumes to revive her.

Mira then took hers, as Rumi sat between them, facing the headboard instead of putting herself between the others just yet, pulling her phone out to mindlessly scroll for a bit while she drank her coffee.

It was quiet.

It was comfortable.

It was safe.

The morning passed slowly, and while Rumi held a bit more space from the other two than she had indulged in this morning, she didn’t shy away when Zoey shifted so her leg could rest against Rumi’s.

Safe.

Comfortable.

Easy.

-----

They all eventually moved to the kitchen to make breakfast together when Rumi’s stomach had growled loud enough to startle Zoey, which had left them all with aching sides from laughing so hard.

And halfway through eating, Mira slammed her hands down on the table, this time startling both Rumi and Zoey enough that they were both on their feet, ready to pull their weapons out.

Only for Mira to rush to reassure them that everything was okay through her own startled laugh at their reactions, she’d just had a vision for the choreography for This is What it Sounds Like and they needed to get on trialling it asap to see if it actually worked the way she hoped it would.

They mutually agreed that they were all ready, and today would be as good a time as any to ease back into choreo work, deciding to adjust back to a more mixed schedule for working out and rehearsing moving forward so they didn’t completely lose their touch during their hiatus.

First though, they decided to head down to the studio to relisten to the demo track they had already dropped, as well as the progress they had made on the backing track to remind themselves of where they were at, and what they had to work with for the dance.

The buzz of excitement swept them all up, and by the time they moved to their dance studio, they were all more than ready to get moving.

Mira plugged her phone into the sound system, cueing up their usual warm up playlist that let them switch off their brains for a bit, getting warmed up on autopilot so they could really focus on taking in the choreography once they got to it.

They then decided to run through a few songs they already had locked in, both checking where they were in terms of retaining everything, but also to gauge where their bodies were after the longest break they'd had in years.

Rumi could feel her muscles protesting at being used again to this extent, the gym sessions never quite doing justice to just how intense some of Mira's choreos where.

It only served to heighten the buzz.

And by the time Mira felt they were all ready to start working on the new dance, Zoey and Rumi were in full focus mode too.

Mira did a quick run through by herself, both showing the others what she had in mind so they had an idea what they were in for, and also checking she was happy with how everything was looking so far before teaching it to them.

With a nod of satisfaction and a round of whoops and applause from the younger two, Mira turned to face them with a familiar twinkle in her eye.

They were in for a tough session.

And they couldn't wait.

Over the next two hours, Mira ran them through all the choreo she had so far.

Breaking the song down into smaller segments for them to pick up, drilling each part until she was satisfied they had it locked in before moving on to the next part. Occasionally doing full run throughs to the point they were at to check how everyone was flowing together and taking everything in.

It was intense, but it always worked.

-----

They continued working through the choreo on and off through the next two days.

It kept them moving and helped burn off a lot of excess energy they hadn't even realised they had.

Mira promised them another bath-house trip on Monday if they got things locked in by the weekend.

That spurred them all on to try even harder.

By Friday, they had the bulk of the dance down.

Zoey was always quicker to pick up footwork, where Rumi had an easier time locking in arms and face first.

And Mira was a pro a guiding them through when they got stuck on a move or a combination, taking them through it step by step until they had it.

There was never an frustration or anger, just eagerness from her that they all got this down perfectly.

Rumi was fine initially, but when she got stuck on a particular series of steps for too long, Mira's closeness started to set off her new perimeter alarms, additions that had come alongside the new reinforced walls she had.

It made it that much harder for Rumi to focus and actually take in what Mira was saying, and it didn't get easier as the week went on.

After a few rounds of failed attempts at the same bit of footwork, Mira suggested they take five so Rumi could reset, and also so Mira could talk them through the last bit of group choreo she had in mind.

Rumi was glad for the breather as well as the space, gulping down water and taking a bite of the energy bar she'd been working through on breaks throughout their rehearsals.

But that lasted as long as it took for Mira to get to the part where they'd come together at the climax they ended the song with, placing their hands on Rumi's shoulders as they stepped up beside her. Singing the final line about their voices being combined as they stood combined for the final notes and the fade out they had envisioned for the song track ending.

Zoey looked awestruck at Mira's genius, and any other time Rumi probably would have been too as she knew the visual was going to be so powerful.

But right now her mind was racing as to how that would even be possible given how her shoulders were still massive triggers for her, taking her back to that night.

How she could tell the others about why that might not be possible.

How she could even tell them about that night.

Mira had been watching Rumi as she'd suggested the idea, Rumi could feel her eyes burning into her side as she struggled to look up.

“Rumi? Is that going to be okay?”

Zoey's excitement stalled as her brain caught up, putting the pieces together as she remembered Rumi's reactions to be surprised with shoulder touches and suddenly she looked scared.

Rumi hated seeing Zoey looking like that, and the gentleness with which Mira was slowly approaching her with seemed to help her push through enough to at least answer.

“I don't know. I'm up for trying though”.

Mira looked unconvinced and Zoey still looked ready to cry.

“We can end it any way we like. You don't have to do this”.

“I know. But if we don't try, we won't know”.

“Don't push-”.

“I'm not, I don't want to hide from things anymore”.

She finally met Mira's gaze, and her determination seemed enough to convince the dancer of her answer.

She left out the part about how there was something big she was definitely still hiding from for the moment, but this wasn't something she wanted to hold power over her any more.

“Okay, but if you need to stop, please say something”.

“I will”.

With a nod, Mira stood, offering her hand to Rumi to pull her up as Zoey rushed to her feet too.

“Let's get that fancy footwork sorted out first though”.

It took another 10 minutes before Rumi got to a point where Mira seemed satisfied she had it locked in enough to drill it, and that they did for another half hour before Mira felt they were ready to move on.

Rumi didn't have time to worry about the upcoming finale moment. There was too much else demanding her attention right now.

So when it finally came to the last section, her stomach dropped.

Mira definitely clocked the shift in Rumi and was quick to reassure her though.

“Remember you can veto this at any point”.

Rumi nodded, meeting Mira's eyes in the mirror before they took their positions.

Mira walked them through, step by step, going slower than normal to give Rumi space to prepare and react as she needed to.

Rumi thought she’d be okay with it knowing it was coming.

And while she felt her body tense at the initial contact, their hands resting against her shoulders wasn’t too much this time.

They met each other's gazes in the mirror, the power of the pose radiating off them.

Even with it just being their reflection and the fact that the lighting did no favours to the fact they were all sweaty messes in baggy training clothes.

The impact was palpable.

And Rumi was okay with this.

This was fine.

They ran it through a few more times slowly, then finally tried it at full speed.

This was okay.

She was okay.

It was still fine.

Until they squeezed.

They were trying to be comforting.

She knew that.

Reassuring her they were there for her.

But it wasn’t them anymore.

The twisted versions of them had taken their places.

Leaning in closer.

Warping their soft smiles into something colder.

Meaner.

She felt trapped.

Her vision narrowing as her throat closed up.

She couldn’t speak.

Couldn’t move.

Until they did, stepping in closer, holding her tighter.

Somewhere in the back of her mind she was screaming at herself.

This was Mira and Zoey.

They wouldn’t hurt her.

They were only trying to make her feel safe.

But the memories had taken over.

The feeling of burning.

The pain of claws ripping her skin as her jacket was stripped from her.

She wasn’t in the studio anymore.

She was back on stage.

Being laid bare for all the world to see.

See the monster that she was.

The failure.

The demon.

The mistake.

Fear coursed through her.

And as she felt hands leave her, she tried to run.

But her legs didn't work.

Wouldn't work.

All she could do was stumble backwards.

Croaking out a hoarse “No”.

Trying to escape the stage.

The lights.

The pain.

The fear.

But arms wrapped around her, stopping her from continuing back.

Holding her wrists gently but firmly as she was embraced in a hug from behind.

That stalled her brain for a moment.

This wasn’t what happened.

This wasn’t the same.

The warmth she felt from the arms holding her.

The gentleness of the touch.

It wasn’t the same.

They had been cold.

Hard.

Destructive.

Not warm.

Not holding her like this.

Like they were trying to keep her safe.

Like they cared.

Her ears were filled with ringing.

She didn't want to hear anyway.

Hear the cold words.

The twisted voices.

Reminding her she wasn’t meant to be here.

She was a mistake.

Her legs gave out.

She didn't collapse though.

The strength holding her also helped her gently to the ground.

Her eyes struggled to focus, flitting between seeing the darkened crowd of faces and the light wood of the bright studio floor.

She couldn't look up.

Couldn't bear to see the warped faces again.

Not quite able to register what was real.

But the arms held firm.

Even when she tried to close in on herself, she found she couldn’t.

Her fingers twitched, aching to dig into herself.

To try and ground her with the pressure she would usually apply.

But instead the hands at her wrists found hers.

Gentle but firm.

Lacing through her fingers, wrapping her in more warmth.

The arms held her tighter, giving her some pressure to focus on, even if the edge of pain she was used to was missing.

Her breathing was ragged.

The world wouldn't stop spinning.

But still she was held firm.

Eventually, the pressure on her arms shifted.

Forming a rhythm.

Squeezing in, then relaxing out.

She didn't know why, but her body started to respond.

Started to match pace with the pressure.

Making breathing that little bit lighter.

Making it easier to actually take in air.

Helping the world still around her.

The bright lights of the studio cutting through her vision sharp enough that she had to blink through it.

The world stabilising on its axis.

And she was back.

She wasn't there anymore.

Zoey was back too, resting on her knees in front of Rumi, adding pressure to her now crossed legs as she leaned forward into her hands that were holding Rumi in place there. Gentle eyes filled with concern and care, glistening with tears she hadn't let fall yet.

Watching Rumi closely.

Mira's hands shifted in hers, holding her slightly tighter as she continued to add and release pressure for Rumi to match her breathing to.

Rumi had no idea how much time had passed.

The studio was a time hole at the best of times, what with the lack of windows to prevent any risk of their rehearsals getting filmed by anyone outside. Not that they really expected anyone to be able to get close enough for it to actually be a problem given the height of their building.

But stepping out of reality for a bit while in a windowless box cut off from the world definitely didn't help her re-orientate herself.

But she wasn't with it enough to dwell on that.

She allowed herself to focus on her breathing, slowly feeling the burn in her body easing as the tension released.

She dared a glance at the mirror past Zoey, and watched as her patterns faded and her left eye shifted back to its natural colour (minus small amber flecks that seemed to be a permanent addition now).

Seeing the visual changes for the first time, as she felt her vision soften at the edges again, helped her body relax back into itself.

She was more conscious of the shift this time, noting the way her body felt moving through the changes.

No-one spoke.

Words felt too hard right now.

Rumi still felt like the world was waiting for her to stand up so it could pull the rug out from under her again.

She felt unstable.

The only thing grounding her, holding her steady were her girls.

They were still here.

They were still waiting.

Zoey seemed to relax more the more Rumi did.

Even as Mira continued her pattern of pressure, not quite ready to let Rumi's hands go yet.

Finally the tears that Zoey seemed to have been holding back started to fall, which tipped Mira off that Rumi must have come back enough for Zoey to not be putting herself on the back burner to look after Rumi (a bad habit they all had when it came to each other), so the pressure slowed to a consistent even weight, testing to see if Rumi could maintain her breathing at the slower pace without the guide.

After a few minutes more of Rumi holding herself steady, she gently tested the waters of her body.

Moving her legs just enough to cue Zoey to let up her pressure, letting her legs unfold and stretch out.

Mira also relaxed her holding on Rumi's hands, but didn't let go, just let Rumi know she could move away if she wanted to.

But she didn't.

Not when she felt so safe in the arms of someone who had been copied to cause her so much pain.

This was her Mira. Her Zoey.

Not the cold copies that had been there that night.

She shifted slowly again, still not fully trusting her body, but feeling more stable in her mind.

Mira's hand slipped from hers as she moved, grazing along her arms to her biceps as Rumi sat forward, still holding her steady.

Rumi was still fighting the urge to curl in on herself, as she knew that would just risk her spiralling again.

But Mira's hands helped ground her further, and when Zoey reached out to rest her hand on Rumi's thigh, that was enough to snap Rumi to it enough to reach out to the younger woman.

Zoey wasted no time launching herself into Rumi's arms, sobbing as she curled herself in Rumi's lap like she was scared Rumi was going to disappear.

Or shatter.

The force of Zoey’s body weight moved Rumi back to rest flush against Mira, who she now registered had her legs framing Rumi's hips, her back resting against the studio wall furthest from the mirror wall.

Mira's arms moved to cradle Zoey too, squeezing a gentle pressure against Rumi's arms as well to remind her she was there for her too.

Still no-one spoke.

None of them quite sure how to break the spell of silence that seems to have fallen.

Rumi couldn't have said if they'd spoken since the last thing she'd been able to choke out, but the quiet was heavy in the space now.

And while the ringing in her ears had died down, the silence somehow felt even louder, interrupted only by the occasional sob from Zoey who still seemed to be fighting to keep the sounds she made to a minimum.

None of them moved, as time seemed to freeze, waiting for them.

Letting this moment have as much space as it needed to pass.

Rumi cleared her throat, the sound ricocheting off the silence like a gunshot, but it was enough to draw the attention of the other two immediately.

“I'm sorry… I really thought I had it…”

“You don't have to apologise, you did so well”.

Mira's words kindled a warmth in Rumi's chest, one that helped expel the chill that had settled into her during the flashback.

Zoey looked up, face tear-stained as she asked Rumi what had happened.

Rumi felt guilt twist into her gut, pushing the wind out of her slightly.

As far as the two of them knew, everything had been fine and then she'd been a mess out of nowhere.

She still didn't feel brave enough to tell them why.

But she knew they deserved to know.

Know it wasn't them.

Know this was her being broken.

They had only wanted to comfort her.

And she couldn't even accept that.

She didn't deserve them.

Not when they were still here after everything.

She was so broken.

They shouldn't have to deal with that.

A gentle hand on her cheek snapped her out of the darkness, Zoey pulling her attention back to them.

“You don't go beating yourself up over this. Whatever happened it wasn't your fault”.

“But I should be stronger than this…”

“Why?” Mira's bluntness struck right to Rumi's heart.

Why?

Because it was all she knew.

It was all she was good for.

If she couldn't be strong, then what kind of leader was she?

What good was she?

“I have to be”.

“Why?” Again Mira went right for the foundations Rumi was fast discovering were made of sand, not concrete.

“Because if I'm not strong, then I'm just a half-demon mistake”.

“Nope”. Rumi turned, about to voice her confusion when she caught Mira's ”don't start” face, instantly shutting off any arguments from Rumi. “You're our Rumi. You're kind and gentle and strong. In spite of any demon parts in you. But you don't have to be strong all the time. That's human. We're here. We've got you. And if you want to talk about this we'll listen. But if you don't, then we'll wait. And the choreo can change, or wait until you're ready”.

Mira's determination further dug holes in the foundations of Rumi's self worth, slowly adding firmer material to the hollow spaces left behind with how sure she sounded in all of this.

Mira didn't lie.

And that somehow made it harder to hear what she had to say when it went against so much of what Rumi had been taught to believe about herself growing up.

But they were still here.

She was still surprised by that.

They were still with her.

And so she took another step forward.

Still trusting them even though her faith in herself was still so weak.

It was tough to talk about.

The words felt like molasses draining from her mouth, making it harder to breathe around them.

But she told them.

Everything that happened on stage after they left for her solo in Golden.

Every moment the demon versions of them put her through.

The way they shoved her shoulders.

The way they tore her skin as they ripped her jacket off her, again targeting her shoulders first.

The way they had told her she was a demon, a mistake. In the same voices she was used to finding comfort and strength in.

Mira and Zoey both listened, understanding dawning on them why touching Rumi's shoulders was triggering memories of that night so viscerally.

Remembering the deep gashes they had helped wash after defeating Gwi-Ma.

They sobbed out apologies for not being there.

For falling for the demons’ tricks with the fake Bobby.

For leaving her alone on stage.

For not being there to help her, to protect her.

Rumi tried to tell them it wasn't on them, but they both insisted they had played a part in how things had gone down.

And they apologised again for even writing Takedown.

If they had known about Rumi, they wouldn't have even entertained the thought.

Wouldn't have made Rumi sing words that echoed the voices in her already.

Make her feel less than.

Unwanted.

Dangerous.

Hated.

Rumi knew that, and was quick to reassure them that she believed them.

The voices were there already.

The song just meant she was saying them aloud for the first time around anyone other than Celine.

Even though Celine had always danced around the topic, especially as Rumi got older.

She started using prettier words to continue to drill the importance of perfection into Rumi, of maintaining her image, her secret.

So Rumi had too.

Always finding ways to never quite say the quiet parts out loud.

Always sidestepping the things she really wanted to say with half truths and distractions.

Mira looked like she wanted to throw up.

“And after you went through all that… I- I raised my weapon at you…”

She wasn't really talking to Rumi.

If anything it seemed like she didn't even realise she'd spoken the thought out loud.

It was Rumi's turn to twist around and gently coax Mira to meet her gaze.

“I don't blame you for that. If our positions were reversed, I don't know that I would have done anything different”.

The pain in Mira's eyes shone through, the glossy edge to them threatening tears she knew Mira was fighting tooth and nail to hold back, never being good at receiving this kind of reassurance.

“We were trained to kill demons. All demons. You were following what we were taught. But the fact that you didn't come after me speaks more to the fact that you didn't really want to do anything to hurt me than you realise”.

“I was so scared. And so hurt. But I still…I still sometimes remember the way you looked at me when I did that… And to think how much pain you were already in… And I added to that”.

The tears finally spilled over, as Rumi shifted Zoey around so she could pull Mira into a tight hug.

“We're all still pretty fucked up, aren't we?”

That pulled some small, choked laughs out of Zoey and Mira, as the three of them slowly returned to more settled places, gently talking through some more of the details of what had played out that night until they got to the part where Rumi had walked away from Jinu feeling shattered, tearing the Honmoon apart behind her as she went to seek out Celine.

They all agreed that was enough deep talking and rehearsals for today.

And that This is What it Sounds Like was being benched for a little while until they all felt ready to come back to it.

Heading upstairs, they all went to take some much needed showers, before reconvening on the couch for some mindless TV drama show and cuddles.

Rumi again somehow ending up sandwiched by the other two, as Mira had flopped sideways dragging their bundle into a pile on top of her during a particularly cringy scene and Zoey had of course latched on to Rumi to make sure she didn't get left behind.

But Rumi still felt like she was taking too much.

She had caused trouble again today and even though they had been there with her through it all again, she was waiting for her punch card to run out of slots.

She was still learning how to lean on them.

Still so scared she was going to lose them one day by being too much.

These moments were ones she was still learning how to just exist in.

The level of physical touch, the closeness.

The feeling of skin against hers.

It was all new.

And it felt good.

But that just made Rumi even more scared of what that could mean.

After all, Mira and Zoey already had each other.

She wasn't about to risk doing anything to disrupt that.

Even though she knew the shift had happened.

The more she leant on them.

The more she had opened up.

Learned to let them in.

The more she felt it.

It had only been a month since everything had come to a head.

But it already felt like a lifetime ago.

She felt like a different person entirely sometimes.

Even when days like today reminded her they were all still hurt.

Still broken.

Still healing.

But they were still together.

They still had each other.

And for now, that was enough.

It had to be.

-----

The next morning they woke up in a semi-tangle of limbs, still wedged together on the sofa with no memory of any of them falling asleep.

The show they'd had on had apparently finished without them, as the episode selection waited patiently for them.

None of them were in any hurry to move, until a familiar ripple of red pulsed through the Honmoon threads.

They were all awake and on their feet in a moment, taking a breath to check they were presentable before rushing for the door, not putting shoes on until they were in the elevator down to not waste a second.

“Do you think there's a breach?” Zoey looked a bit anxious.

This Honmoon was new.

They knew nothing about it, there had been nothing said about a rainbow Honmoon and all the stories they'd heard had only talked about the perfect gold Honmoon.

For all they knew this Honmoon wasn't going to last.

Especially with them being on a hiatus right now.

Maybe it was already weakening?

“Possibly. It could also be that demons got trapped on this side when it was sealed?” Rumi knew she sounded hopeful, and the others were quick to agree with that possibility.

It would be simpler than a breach.

A breach might mean they need to cut their break short to reinforce the Honmoon sooner.

But as they turned the corner at full sprints, they saw a cluster of demons clawing at the ground, trying to tear the threads of the Honmoon up.

“Lose your keys?” Mira's quip instantly drew the attention of the group.

There were about 20 demons total, three of them were the larger sized ones the rest were a mix of lesser and mid-sized demons.

They hesitated a moment, surprised anyone could see, let alone choose to interact with them, before launching themselves at the Hunters.

The three of them were quick to draw their weapons and claws met blades as they clashed together.

A familiar surge hit the trio, as they started singing How it's Done without any need for a discussion.

It was one of their favourite demon hunting songs after all.

Their bodies felt a bit sluggish.

Only a fraction of a second slower than their best, but that fraction could make all the difference between a bruise and a wound from a stray claw.

Zoey was quick to disarm and disable as many demons as she could, taking out a few of the lesser demons with perfectly placed shots, as Rumi wove between them to find better angles on the ones closest to her and Mira knocked demons back to make space for her swings that hit hard enough to make one wonder how her shoulders stayed in their sockets.

It definitely wasn't a record for them, but they cleared the lot out while barely breaking a sweat, and with only a few tender spots that might not even bruise.

Adrenaline was pumping through them and they felt invigorated.

It always felt like a weird place to be, celebrating after killing.

But these demons were too far gone, their only purpose was to kill humans.

So they had to be stopped.

They knew now that some demons could still have connections to their human selves.

But the ones that fought them with deadly intent without any attempt at recourse first were either too far gone from their old selves, or had never been human to begin with.

They checked the spot where the demons had been digging, and saw no tear. No damage at all to the threads.

The Honmoon was holding fast, so they figured these demons must have been trapped.

Relief flooded over them that they still had space to rest.

As much as they loved performing, this break was really highlighting how little they had actually taken breaks in the past few years.

As they walked back to their tower, they stopped by the grocery store to collect an extra large snack haul to replace any semblance of a proper breakfast after the rude awakening that left them all too buzzed to sleep again yet, but too tired to want to do much of anything.

The show was restarted at the last place they all had a definite memory of, as snacks were demolished.

“Good to know we still get to flex our Hunter muscles a little bit. Is it weird that I was a bit sad that all the demons got sealed away and I thought we'd never get to fight any again?”

Zoey's mouth was stuffed with crisps, but the older two spoke fluent full mouth so understood her perfectly.

“Nah, I was definitely a bit sad our demon butt kicking days were behind us too”.

“Well you two are just gonna have to practice more if you want to kick demon butt if there's no more left, I'm still able to take you both”.

Mira snorted at the double meaning, as Rumi felt a blush rise high enough to touch her ears at the very thought of anything like that being suggested.

Especially when she'd been trying so hard to bury any thoughts along those lines about the other two that had started to slip through on occasion.

She decided not to rise fully to Mira's bait. “You know exactly what I meant”.

“I'm not sure, I've never taken a demon before”. Mira's eye brows waggled as Zoey cackled and Rumi felt the blush extend down to her chest.

“Horny jail for both of you!” She made a move to try and stand up, only for Mira to catch her waist and pull her back down before she could find her balance.

“Okay, okay, truce!” Mira was laughing now too. “I don't think Zoey will forgive me if I scare you off”.

The way Mira said that, it froze something inside Rumi.

Again she felt like there was more weight to that statement than Mira intended to let on.

But she let herself get pulled back, the other two slotting around her perfectly as they resumed the show and she tried to not let her mind wander into the what ifs.

-----

The weekend passed in the blink of an eye, they ended up setting up camp on the sofa once Mira got invested in Zoey's latest trash dating series, working their way through the backlog of seasons with breaks only taken for naps, bathroom and snack runs.

When Monday came round again, Zoey tentatively asked if the bath-house was still a possibility, as they had managed to get the choreo down on Friday.

Mira had looked to Rumi, who agreed it actually sounded like a perfect idea, but they should book ahead as she didn't want to keep asking favours from the bath-house to give them a private space.

Mira agreed and went to call them, while Zoey and Rumi went to change.

They were all feeling a bit less like being seen, so they dressed light, but stayed covered as they donned their usual disguises now their fans knew they might be out and about.

The bath-house was practically empty again, but Rumi was glad for the private changing space that led to a slightly smaller, but still very generous tub with four shower set-ups and a small sauna and plunge pool in the back.

It took a lot of weight off her not having to worry about anyone else seeing her naked right now.

Her girls still felt like too much if she were being fully honest.

But they followed the same routine, both of them stripping and going ahead to give Rumi some space, and she followed them not long after.

The smaller room held steam more, so she felt even more hidden, but she could have sworn she saw Zoey's eyes wander as she lowered herself into the tub.

Shaking the thought from her mind, she relaxed back, only to jump slightly when Zoey was suddenly next to her, threading her fingers through Rumi's while still leaving some space between their bodies again.

Mira had gone straight for the sauna after washing, and went through her steam-plunge cycle four times before joining the other two in the tub, this time sitting on Rumi's other side and offering her hand for Rumi to take while also leaving some breathing room between them still.

Rumi felt overwhelmed.

All they were doing was sitting. But their proximity made the water felt that much warmer.

The fact that they were both naked and so close to her, while she was also completely nude did nothing to help her stamp down the thoughts that refused to stay put in their fortress anymore.

A fortress she was fast realising was made from cardboard instead of the stone she could have sworn she'd used.

When Mira's hand shifted in hers under water, it ended up resting against Rumi's thigh.

That was enough to fully stall Rumi's brain, as all thoughts went to maintaining a neutral expression and normal breathing pattern.

This wasn't the first time Mira had touched her thigh.

But something about it now felt different.

Charged.

She could feel Mira's curious gaze on her, but she kept her head back, eyes closed.

Hoping her breathing was steady enough to not give her away.

To not make this weird.

No-one moved again, not until the light came on in the corner to warn them they had half an hour left.

They made their way out, and again Rumi was too heavy with warmth to consider modesty right now, changing comfortably in front of the others even though she knew her mind would probably run her in circles about it once she was back with it.

Especially when she was pretty sure Mira was watching her this time.

But they walked back in easy silence.

All changing and moving to Rumi's room to pile together, tangling themselves together as seemed to be the growing pattern, though Mira ended up in the middle this time.

Rumi and Zoey both curling into her sides, as her arms wrapped around them so they could rest their heads on her shoulders, and their hands found each other over Mira's stomach.

Sleep took them all immediately.

And it was deep enough that none of them really moved much that night.

Much to Mira's annoyance when she went to try and sit up only to find neither of her arms working properly, leading to her ungracefully flopping back when nothing came to support her sitting up.

It wasn't until she threatened to not make them coffee and breakfast that the younger women stopped laughing.

Even though they knew she wasn't serious, and that she could see the giggles they were still stifling.

Once she left, Zoey got up to use the bathroom, before returning and deciding Rumi was the best part of the bed to lie on.

And despite a moment of discomfort when an elbow caught a rib, they settled down and Rumi welcomed the now familiar weight, acting like a blanket as Zoey ended up drifting off again.

Rumi wasn't far from sleep herself when Mira finally returned, toast piled high on a plate and coffees balanced expertly in hand.

Rumi had her least favourite job of waking up Zoey, but luckily the smell of coffee helped significantly.

With minimal grumbles, they moved to sit around the plate of buttered toast, working through it in comfortable silence as the coffee took effect.

They ended up having another quiet day, only breaking from horizontal time to head down to the gym for two hours before returning to the couch to carry on the drama Mira definitely wasn't invested in.

-----

The rest of the week passed by pretty much the same as they decided to keep up rehearsals every other day and gym on the alternate days.

They left the new choreo alone for now, but drilled their catalogue to keep it locked in.

Adding an afternoon of sparring midway through the week to stay on top of their forms now they knew demon fights weren’t completely ruled out.

Rumi still beat the other two, though it was closer than she was ever going to admit with how distracted she felt with their proximity.

-----

Bobby called them on Thursday asking if they were open to some brand shoots. He'd had two that wanted all three of them and one for Mira and Zoey each to do solo, but didn't want to confirm anything without checking with them first.

It would also mean a fairly busy week for Mira especially, with three of them happening the following week, but he was happy to say no if they wanted to rest still, as they were officially still on break.

Mira was the first to agree, always up for brand shoots as she loved working to themes and the possibility of getting any free merch.

The other two also figured it would be a fun thing to do, but asked Bobby if they were products they already used.

He was on top of it as always and confirmed all of the products or brands were things they already used, so they could put their faces to it confident they were selling people things they would use themselves.

They had never felt right seeing people do promo deals for things they knew they'd never even touched, let alone used enough to form an opinion.

Bobby confirmed the dates and times with them, letting them know he'd also add everything to their shared calendar along with the details for anything they had to prepare for the shoots and left them to it as they heard someone approach him asking if he'd ordered a strawberry daiquiri (one of his favourite cocktails because “how dare you ask me to just pick one?!”) before he hung up.

“I'm glad he's actually getting some rest while still working at least”.

The older two nodded in agreement before Mira pressed play on the drama that was waiting for them during the call, glaring at Zoey who giggled at her enthusiasm to return to the trash TV, even though there was no heat behind it.

Bobby sent the schedule through shortly after, and he wasn’t joking about it being a busy one for Mira, with only one day off between the first three shoots that were happening over four days total.

At least Zoey’s solo shoot wasn’t until the week after.

But it was still exciting getting back into things.

It all felt a bit more normal.

A bit less like they were being tiptoed around.

But they also figured they probably felt like that because they weren’t used to taking actual rest time off, so that probably factored in a lot as to why they felt like people were avoiding them. Because they were actually on a proper break now.

Zoey was quick to get stuck back into the show, and Mira definitely “wasn’t” eager to continue it either.

And Rumi was content to enjoy the background noise, getting more entertainment out of watching the other two reacting to the drama more than the actual show, which was just making her mad at all the crappy men on it.

The number of them who seemed to forget they were on camera most of the time, saying and doing one thing with the partners then going completely against that once they were alone or just with the “lads”, like they wouldn’t get caught.

She really wondered how anyone could ever be into men when so many acted like that.

Not that she had any experience with dating or anything like that to go off anyway.

But it was fine.

She didn’t need anyone.

Chapter Text

The weekend was upon them before they realised, and they decided to take a break from going too hard with physical stuff to make sure they had the energy for the week ahead.

But Zoey suggested they do some singing work-outs to get their voices back into gear, as she was getting excited to record the vocals for their latest song now the choreo wobble had worked out of their systems.

The others both agreed it was a great idea, and they spent Saturday doing vocal warm ups and small bouts of singing, before getting up to speed and doing a few sing-throughs of their current songs in tour rotation to gauge where they were all sitting.

As it turns out, they were all pretty stable in their voices and no-one had any hints of croaks or cracks.

Rumi was especially thankful for that after everything her voice had gone through recently with her demon voice.

It made them excited enough to try a loose attempt at This is What it Sounds Like, enjoying the way their voices flowed over the backing track, even when they noticed areas where they needed to tweak the instruments slightly to fit better.

They figured if they put themselves to it, they could have a first draft of the final track by the next weekend. It would have been sooner if not for the busy week they now had ahead of them.

Rumi was holding herself a bit further away from the other two again.

Her fears winning out as she started having nightmares again following the flashback, getting worse as the week progressed.

Nothing big or disruptive enough to bother her girls, but enough that Rumi was losing just enough sleep to not have the energy to fight off the thoughts fully.

The dreams of being left behind, of having weapons drawn on her by the two people she cared about more than anything, of finding herself alone on stage surrounded by people but filled with nothing but coldness.

It was all a bit too much.

She was too much.

And so far, she’d managed to keep it low-key enough that even Mira hadn’t picked up on any shift yet.

Monday came and there was a buzz of energy as they all got ready for their first shoot back, not including their Comeback one of course.

It was for a sport drink they relied on heavily during their rehearsals, advertising the newest flavour that Bobby had sent them all a sample bottle of over the weekend.

It was a sweeter flavour than Mira or Rumi would normally go for, but Zoey loved it and had no trouble finishing off the last bits of the other bottles.

Bobby came to collect them in the usual SUV, and when they arrived, they were immediately swept up by the team to head to hair and make-up, as the wardrobe team set out their individual looks.

As usual, Rumi ended up doing her own braid up, the hair tech having a valiant attempt, but clearly not used to it the way Rumi was.

Mira’s hair was put into a high single braid, and Zoey got two french plaits to match the sporty theme, as make-up moved through them, adding the same glittering eyeshadow and eyeliner to complete their looks.

Changing into the matching athleisure looks that had been colour co-ordinated with accent stripes that matched their hair colours and had the brand logo on the chest and back of the jumper in the same accent colours, they were then ushered over to the set that they were going to be working through.

And that they did, leaving no inch without at least some shots of them posing.

It was fast paced and energetic, leaving them no time to overthink anything as they followed the directions of the team, doing their best to help execute the vision they had been brought in for.

The only thing they insisted on was Zoey being centred as much as possible, as the one who had liked the new flavour the most.

Their small way of having a say in what message they sent across, while also making sure they all got moments to shine in the trio.

The shoot had started just after lunch, so by the time they got dropped off at their tower again, still wearing their branded tracksuits that had been gifted to them, it was just about time for dinner.

“Remember your next shoot is a morning one, so you should get an early night tomorrow at least” Bobby had called after them as they climbed out the car.

As much as the trio hated being up early, they also loved what they did, so promised they would try.

The next morning was rough.

Sleep hadn’t come easy, especially after they had over a month now of just sleeping whenever they felt like it.

Luckily the next day was a bit easier, and a couple coffees and some ramyeon was enough to perk them up and make sure they were downstairs waiting for Bobby as he pulled up.

He offered them some snacks and talked them through the shoot ahead, which was for some new VR headset that meant they’d be going super futuristic for the looks.

They were welcomed in to find latex bodysuits that gave a very Tron vibe waiting for them, with bright circuit patterns over black, and helmets that would cover most of their head and faces, which at least meant they only needed lipstick for this.

But the suits themselves took three people each working them onto the girls, and more lube than any of them really wanted to think about to help tease the stretchy skintight material over them.

Whoever had designed them had opted out of adding any zips in to create a seamless look, which meant some very tight squeezes to get them up their torsos, but they had to admit once they were on, they looked good.

All three of them took a moment to admire their reflections as their suits got shined and polished expertly by the team, while make-up cleared the sweat from their faces before applying some bold black lipstick.

Mira was also nerding out over the headset, asking an equally eager intern about the specs and getting equally enthusiastic responses with all the information she was asking for.

Clearly this was a shoot meant for her, and Rumi felt the usual bubble of warmth she always felt when watching either of the other two doing something they loved.

Though she wasn’t used to her eyes wandering quite so much along Mira’s figure, which was very well defined by the bodysuit.

Zoey cleared her throat next to Rumi, who startled at the sudden noise, too lost in wherever her thoughts were straying to notice the younger woman approach.

“It’s really fun seeing her like this, isn’t it?”

“Yeah”, Rumi couldn’t lie, the softness to her voice giving her away anyway.

“It’s cute when she’s being a massive nerd too”.

It took longer than it should have for Rumi to process what Zoey had just said, what she had just implied about where Rumi was looking.

But by the time she did, head snapping round like she’d been caught with her hand in the cookie jar, Zoey was already walking away with a look that suggested she knew something Rumi didn’t.

It set Rumi’s heart racing as a blush filled her face.

But time was called before she could delve into anything and they all moved to a very simple set.

Rumi managed to get her blush down at least, even though her heart was still going faster than it should for her being at rest.

Apparently a bunch of scenery and details were going to be added in post, so they just needed the three of them in various poses to fit them into the final images.

The shoot itself flew by, Mira taking centre this time, and after it took them almost as long to get out of the bodysuits as it did to get in them.

Luckily there was a shower available at the studio, so they each took it in turns to rinse the sweat and lube off themselves so they wouldn’t be quite as sticky on the drive back.

Mira looked like her eyes were sparkling when the brand offered to ship them a unit from their first release in return for their hard work, and it was probably one of the fastest things the younger two had ever seen her say yes to, not even needing to check with the others as this would be her thing as soon as it arrived regardless (though they knew they could ask for a go any time).

It was late afternoon by the time they were home, and Mira’s call time for the shoot the next day was fortunately in the afternoon, so she could have a solid lie in.

She took full advantage of that, and it took Rumi coming up with a coffee and some fried rice and chicken to coax her awake after waking up back on her early start routine out of habit after two days back on it without any alarms.

She had decided to cook something more substantial that the ramyeon and take-out they had fallen back on this week when she realised the other two weren’t going to be awake any time soon.

Zoey had trudged down to join her as she cooked about an hour after she’d started, making beeline for the coffee pot before sitting in a comfortable silence while Rumi worked after checking there was nothing she could help with.

Even if there was, Rumi didn’t want her handing hot or sharp things until after her first coffee had hit at least. Their weapons were not included in that though, as they had all proven very adept at using their blades even when still half asleep and caffeine deprived on multiple occasions. Even if those were the days they came closest to actually fighting until they had had coffee and something substantial to eat.

Mira had grumbled her way to the door, clearly unhappy about heading out alone even though they’d known this was happening for a week now, and it also wasn’t the first solo shoot any of them had done by a long shot.

Even so, it was the first time since everything had gone down, so it felt a bit different. A bit harder.

Rumi even offered to go with Mira if that would help, only for Mira to say that made no sense and she’d be fine.

Rumi knew she would be, but she still found herself giving Mira a quick hug goodbye, once again seeming to catch the older woman off guard by initiating it.

Not that Mira had any time to question it as Zoey launched herself into the hug as well, wishing Mira a good shoot and reminding her to behave.

“When have I ever?” Mira had left as her parting words with a wink, leaving the two behind in a fit of giggles at the many memories they had of her calling out shitty directors or handsy wardrobes. She behaved when everyone else did.

The two of them moved back to the kitchen as Rumi served up two bowls of food for her and Zoey, joining the rapper who had acquired some iced teas from the fridge at the island.

They ate in silence for a bit before Zoey excitedly showed Rumi some article about how some rare species of sea turtle had been recorded laying eggs on a beach they hadn’t been seen on for years now.

That got her talking about sea turtle mating patterns and routines, how humans had messed up so much, but were also helping fix it as much as they could.

That led her on to other conservation topics, followed by other mating facts about various reptiles and amphibians.

Rumi felt content to just watch and (mostly) listen to her speak, loving the way she shone when she had the space to infodump about something she cared about.

They were almost done with their food when Zoey paused, catching Rumi watching her and looking at her curiously.

“Have you ever had a crush, Rumi?”

Rumi almost choked on the bite she had just taken, coughing harshly as she reached for her drink to clear the way to breathe again.

“What?!”

“Have you ever-”.

“I heard, sorry. I just- why are you asking me this now?”

“Is now not a good time?” Zoey cocked her head slightly with a cheeky smile. “I don’t know, just curious I guess”.

Rumi paused to think about it.

She had never really met anyone that had felt like they could be someone to her.

They had zero spare time around Huntrix and Hunter obligations before the Idol Awards, and she definitely hadn’t been in a place to entertain the thought of anything since then.

Jinu had filled a void for her, but he wasn’t someone she could actually see herself being with. Not when they were both so broken.

They were what they needed in the moments they shared, but they would have probably been pretty bad for each other romantically, especially given the whole Gwi-Ma in Jinu's ear thing.

But then she thought about other Idol stars.

About people they had worked with on tours and sets.

Literally anyone she had ever met as an adult where there was any room for possibility.

There had never really been anyone.

Sure she had found people hot before.

But she had always measured anyone who had approached her showing any kind of interest against her girls.

And no-one had met what she thought were pretty reasonable measures of being a good person yet.

No-one had measure up to them.

So she shrugged.

“I don’t think so?”

Zoey seemed more surprised by her answer than Rumi was expecting, though there was something else laced in that Rumi couldn’t quite read before it was buried again.

“You don’t… think so?”

Rumi shrugged again, “I never felt like I deserved to even think about anything like that”.

“Why do you keep talking about what you “deserve” or not?”

Another, smaller shrug, “Because it’s what I was taught”. Rumi felt her voice get smaller, fighting the words that were escaping out of habit, “I was always told I couldn’t want for anything until my patterns were gone. Not that I could imagine anything with them anyway. And I was- Actually… I’m still scared of being too much for anyone, especially with all the baggage I’m carrying from being half demon and having to hide that for so long”.

She was picking at the last bits of food in her bowl, not sure how to look at Zoey while she bared herself like this.

“You know you’d never be too much for the right people, right? If they can’t handle every side of you, they aren’t for you, especially not in that moment. And you never have to make yourself smaller or more convenient for anyone. Sure you adjust some things, especially when you want to invest in a connection with someone, but you should never have to lose yourself or hurt yourself to do that. That’s not sustainable of fair to you”

Rumi felt a small smile tug at her as she listened to her maknae, “Heh, when did you get so wise?”

“When you and Mira were there for me, are there for me even when I feel like I’m too much. Or when I feel like I’m not enough. I get it’s hard being in those kinds of places, and the voices can be so loud. But you “deserve””, she added over-emphasised quotation marks around the word, clearly having strong feelings about using it, “nothing but happiness, whatever that looks like for you, Rumi. You don't have to do anything to be allowed to be happy, that's just a thing you get to be if you want to and have the right people around you”.

Zoey looked so earnest that Rumi didn’t actually trust herself to reply just yet, and Zoey took that as a cue to continue. “You will always have me and Mira, if we were ever going to go anywhere, it would have happened when everything blew up. So guess what? You’re stuck with us, for better or worse. But also, none of us are perfect. We all make mistakes, we all hurt people without meaning to. And it’s easy to feel like the world has a script you never seem to be able to find a copy of, like you’re being left behind or walking a dangerous path without any maps or guides when one wrong step can send everything tumbling down. It’s how we go on from that, how we grow and do better every chance we get, even when things don’t go well or we accidentally hurt people. And you’re doing so much better that you think you are already. I’ve really appreciated how much you’ve let me and Mira in since everything, even though I know it’s hard”.

Rumi felt tears warm her cheeks as Zoey helped soothe aches she hadn’t even figured out how to voice yet, and Zoey was quick to stand up, moving to pull Rumi into a tight hug, nesting Rumi against her chest using the rare height advantage she had while Rumi was sitting down.

The sound of her heartbeat racing slightly reminding Rumi that she also struggled with these thoughts, also felt like she had been walking a tightrope when she’d first joined Hunrix. And even with that, she’d made it through, and had absolutely bloomed over the years. While she knew it wasn’t easy, if Zoey had faith in her ability to work through this, then she must have half a chance.

Mira was the only other person she could say was as strong as Zoey was. And she had always felt like she would have so much catching up to do after her patterns were gone that she had never really considered working through anything before then. She probably should have.

And now they were still here, and she was still broken. But she actually saw a tiny glimmer of hope that she might actually be able to pull the pieces back together a bit more reliably and durably thanks to Zoey.

“I may be younger, but it’s not that big of an age gap. You’ve both helped me so much since I joined you. And I know it’ll take time to accept and actually trust it, but you can lean on me too, Rumi. I’ve got your back same as I’ve got Mira’s and she’s got ours. We all have each other, until the end of time”.

“Thank you Zoey. I trust you, so much… It’s- It’s myself I’m still struggling with”.

“I know”.

And she did. Zoey was always quick to bury her needs when others needed her more. But she had had wobbles before, some bigger, some smaller. But all of them she had pulled through. Having her girls there had always seemed like it made things feel lighter, even when it was obvious it was hard for her to learn to accept that.

And Rumi wanted to learn how to do that too.

She knew it would take time, it wasn’t a skill you just learned overnight. But she had committed to letting the others in more after everything had blown up, and she wanted to hold herself to that, even when it was difficult.

Even when it meant treading new waters, waters she couldn’t see the bottom to. Where the shores surrounding her were hidden from view.

She wanted to let them in.

Zoey stayed there, holding her until Rumi sat back, meeting the younger woman’s gentle gaze.

“Thank you, really”.

“No worries, I’ve got you”. Zoey flung some awkward finger guns Rumi’s way, pulling a wet laugh from her as she wiped the last of her tears away.

The food had gone cold, and the last bite or two were worth powering through but not worth getting up to reheat anything. They got up to clear their dishes and Zoey insisted on washing up seeing as Rumi had cooked, sending her off to start up the TV so she could watch the videos of the sea turtle nesting on the big screen after she’d put the rest of the food in the fridge.

Rumi was happy to oblige, and went via the snack cupboard to collect a handful of goodies on the way, teeing up the screen and navigating to the correct app for Zoey to find her videos on.

Zoey joined her not long after, curling up into her side and flinging her legs across Rumi’s lap as she surveyed the snack selection while also putting in the right search.

And as the video started, Rumi was actually quite interested in watching, but it only took two more videos with shots from different angles for her mind to start to wander a bit.

And it took her back to why Zoey would ask her about any crushes out of the blue like that.

Why she hadn’t been able to catch everything in the expression she had got in response.

The surprise in Zoey’s reaction.

Why it was even a topic for the two of them when Zoey had Mira, and Rumi had never shown any semblance of interest towards anything that could be considered a relationship. Regardless of what the woman selling bracelets had said that evening with Jinu.

She headed off the thoughts after their third cycle, opting to actually listen to the documentary Zoey had now put on despite seeing it at least five times before.

It was beautiful and it was easy to get lost in the shots she would have fully believed the videographers had made some kind of deal with a higher power to capture.

But watching the clips at the end that showed the “making of” were easily as interesting to watch as the documentary itself, seeing the lengths they would go to and the time spent for maybe not even 5 minutes of usable footage.

Mira returned about halfway through the fourth episode, barely holding herself upright as Zoey launched over the back of the sofa and tackled her with a hug as she took her shoes off, carrying her back to the sofa to join Rumi.

They got a full run-down of the shoot, which was for some new lip-glosses from Mira’s favourite make-up brand, getting sneak peeks of all the new shades as Mira had been allowed to take all the tubes she’d used during the shoot.

Zoey even went so far as to try her favourite one on, grinning as Mira complimented the shade on her.

Even Rumi had to agree it was a perfect colour for her.

And the faint shimmer of glitter highlighted the heart shape of Zoey’s lips perfectly, not that Rumi was ever going to say anything about that part out loud.

Mira asked if she had missed much, and Zoey was quick to cover for Rumi by gushing about the sea turtles returning to a nesting beach, quickly drawing attention away from how quiet Rumi was.

Zoey had helped Rumi more than she could have asked for, so it didn’t make sense to drag everything back up to Mira when she was already tired from her shoot.

Zoey quickly adjusted so she could slot between Rumi and Mira, the three of them quickly finding their perfect positions while the documentary carried on.

Mira was the first to doze off, drooping over Zoey to rest her cheek against the top of the maknae’s head.

And when Zoey also started to sag too, Rumi made the call to move them from the couch so they were actually able to get enough sleep to have the option to record some more vocals the next day.

Zoey protested initially, but did get up when Mira went to stand up too, the pair shuffling towards their bedrooms and dragging Rumi into Zoey’s after them when they sensed she might try and run away.

She wasn’t really wanting to be alone, but she couldn’t quite stop the voices telling her she was too much again.

But she trusted Zoey and followed the insistent tug on her hoodie without a fight.

Zoey splayed across the middle of the bed, leaving Rumi and Mira to slot around her before she turned to latch on to Rumi, already halfway to sleep.

Sighing contentedly as Mira joined to wrap around her from behind.

Rumi’s thoughts were still going a bit haywire, but the rhythmic warmth of the two people beside her eventually lulled her into a gentle sleep, one blissfully free of the nightmares again.

Letting her actually rest so she had half a chance of actually processing her conversation with Zoey properly.

Chapter Text

They let themselves wake up without alarms on Friday, feeling they deserved a slower start to the day.

But they had all agreed they wanted to make more progress on the new track vocals so they could wrap them up over the weekend with time to tinker with the backing track, so once they were all awake, they didn’t waste a whole lot of time lounging around before heading down for breakfast then on to their recording studio.

It helped that they had no release date yet, so they could really take their time to make sure the song was perfect. But they were all still eager to pull it together, especially while the choreo was shelved temporarily.

They had found being able to hand their production team a basically finished song meant they had minimal risk of them taking it in a direction they didn’t want instead of just refining the final product.

They had learnt that lesson the hard way early on, and it was only thanks to Mira speaking up that they’d managed to change it back to what they’d actually wanted. But they ideally wanted to avoid having to tell people they’d messed up when they could do more on their end first.

It had encouraged them to really sink themselves into learning how to produce songs, as well as the basics for the main instruments they wanted to use the most that they hadn’t already learned growing up.

Over the years it had become more and more natural to them, to the point where they were able to hand over songs that were basically ready to go besides some occasional fine tuning.

It had caused a bit of tension with their label when they started pushing back more and holding firm on their visions initially, but as they rocketed to success, they were granted more and more leniency to do their own thing.

But that also added to the pressure to make sure they put the best out so they didn’t lose any freedom to boardroom CEOs who wanted to make them as palatable and marketable as possible without any thought of their characters.

But this song was special.

They all felt that.

And so they took their time, working through every section, recording and re-recording instruments and vocals alike.

They were basically on it full time over the weekend, sinking into the thrill of creating the track, all feeding off each other’s excitement as it started to sound more like what they envisioned.

By the end of the weekend, they still weren’t completely happy with it, so they decided to leave it for now, using Zoey’s shoot day as a break from listening to it so they could come back fresh later in the week. Often finding breaks like that helpful when they feel like they have been working on any one thing for too long without clear progress happening.

That also meant an early night, as Zoey’s shoot was actually a filmed ad, so would be pretty much a full day thing.

Grumbles aplenty echoed after the trio as Mira and Rumi teamed up to make sure Zoey got to bed at a reasonable time, promising cuddles if she got into bed and Mira even going so far as to threaten Zoey with sleeping in her own bed when Zoey asked for one more episode of the documentary before heading up.

“You wouldn’t dare!”

“You want to risk it?”

Mira had a scarily good poker face when she wanted to (and when there weren’t big emotions involved), and it took all of ten seconds of eye contact for Zoey to break, sagging in defeat before turning the screen off and pulling Mira upstairs while muttering something about her “playing dirty” under her breath.

Rumi followed, holding to her word as she framed Zoey once they were ready for bed, curling around the younger woman who was currently latched on to Mira like she still didn’t fully trust her not to leave.

Mira promised she wouldn’t go anywhere but the bathroom as she set alarms so they could all be up in time for Zoey to get ready.

That was enough for Zoey to relax back, nesting herself firmly between the older two and drifting off not long after despite all her earlier protests that she wasn’t tired yet.

Mira’s hand found Rumi’s arm that was tucked around Zoey, and started idly tracing her patterns as if she could hear how Rumi’s mind was running circles, and was trying to settle her.

Rumi wasn’t even aware her thoughts were racing, not fully tuned in to them, but she noticed their absence immediately as Mira’s warmth sent liquid comfort through her, even through the hoodie she had on.

She wasn’t trying to hide anymore, but she sometimes found herself retreating back to the comfort of hoodies when things felt like they were getting too much, finding comfort in them by feeling like she was at least partly hidden.

And since her talk with Zoey she felt like she was second guessing every touch, every moment, every breath she took that little bit more.

Not sure what possessed Zoey to bring up that topic.

Not sure why she didn’t have a clear answer.

But as much as her mind wanted to run her in circles over it, the song had taken over and she’d not had much time to think of much else.

Even though the other things they’d talked about had been heavier, for some reason this was the part that kept popping back up for Rumi.

The rest was hard, but it also would take time, so her mind was processing it knowing that and giving her space to walk through everything.

This however felt like Zoey had cut the lines holding these subjects up in her mind and they were now free-falling, preparing to shatter if Rumi didn’t catch them fast enough.

Right now though Mira was taking up all of her focus, her touch gentle but sure, lulling her into a calm that helped her drift off.

The simple calm in that moment rested in her core, letting her slip into a dreamless sleep.

-----

Rumi was up before the first alarm went off, slipping out of bed to head down and start preparing breakfast, knowing Zoey would need a substantial meal to carry her through the filming without getting hangry at some point.

She could hear Zoey complaining as Mira coaxed her out of bed and into the shower, shouting about timing her to make sure she had time to eat, as Zoey was notorious for her long showers once she actually got under the hot water.

She also packed a tupperware with a generous serving of the kimchi fried rice and chicken she’d made for breakfast so Zoey could have it for lunch too, as well as a generous amount of snacks in an old Huntrix tote bag, while setting out bowls for the three of them.

She heard Mira dragging Zoey down as she poured their coffees, placing the mugs down as Zoey plopped herself down, immediately perking up somewhat as she took her mug in hand.

Mira took her usual seat, digging straight in, as Rumi got herself a glass of water before joining them.

They ate in silence, but the more Zoey ate, the more her energy picked up, and by the end she was a ball of excitement rushing around to find her wallet and phone (they had made a rule that keys stayed by the front door after Zoey had lost her set in her room for a month) that she’d put down somewhere.

She didn’t actually say what she was doing though, so the older two watched her for a few minutes before Rumi finally asked what she needed.

When Zoey told them, Mira chuckled and pointed to the two items she’d put next to Zoey’s breakfast after noticing they’d been left upstairs.

“Why didn’t you tell me you had them?!”

“I didn’t know you hadn’t seen them, they were right next to you”. Mira’s response was laced with laughter, as Rumi struggled to hide her own.

Zoey pouted as she walked up to snatch the items, stuffing them into her pockets as she turned to the door with a huff.

Mira wrapped her arm around Zoey’s waist, pausing her retreat and breaking her pout as she squealed in surprise, which finally broke Rumi’s hold on her own laugh.

The three of them all walked to the door, as Rumi handed her the tote with snacks and lunch in as they both got a hug from Zoey before she raced out the door.

Rumi called after her just before the elevator doors shut, tossing Zoey’s keys to her and getting a sheepish “thank you!” in return before the lift made its way down, leaving the flat feeling oddly still. As it always did when Zoey left and the energy shifted to account for her absence.

Mira turned to Rumi, asking what she wanted to do.

Rumi wasn’t actually sure, she’d gotten pretty used to the three of them just existing together, so having that shift with so much time for them to fill meant she was a bit lost.

“I don’t know, maybe do a workout then read a bit?”

Mira nodded, “A workout sounds great, then want to read with me while I game?”

“Sounds perfect” Rumi grinned, following Mira as they both headed up to get changed.

An hour into Rumi’s workout, Mira came over to ask if she wanted to spar.

“You sure that’s not going to be too much, we’ve already been here a while?”.

“Gotta get my practice in to take our in-house demon after all”, Mira’s shit-eating grin threw Rumi off balance as she registered the comment.

“Actually you know what, I’m gonna go shower and use up all the hot water so you can take an ice cold one for that”.

“Aw come on Rumi, no more teasing, I promise”.

Rumi huffed a sigh, knowing she could trust Mira’s promises and she did actually enjoy sparring, so she wasn’t really wanting to get out of it.

“Fine, weapons or no?”

“Was thinking weapons”.

Rumi nodded, the two of them heading over to grab their training weapons they’d had made. Replicas of their own weapons in every sense but sharpness, carefully weighted and balanced to match their soul blades as closely as possible. They packed a mean punch when they made contact, leaving impressive bruises to show for it, but realistically they were safe enough that they didn’t have to hold back while practicing.

Zoey also had a set of shin-kal blades made that were sharpened so she could do target practice with them, but they were kept next to the targets to avoid any chance of them getting mixed up with the training set she had for when she joined group sparring.

Mira squared up, and Rumi took up her position as they circled around, neither wanting to make the first move until Mira decided to up the stakes.

“First to leave a bruise gets to pick lunch, loser has to make it?”

“You’re on”.

Rumi didn’t actually care either way about what they had for lunch, but as soon as there were stakes, her competitive streak ignited and she was determined to come out on top.

They both locked in, postures shifting as they settled into their forms.

Mira was the first to strike, trying to keep her range advantage by holding Rumi away, blocking her routes in to closer quarters that would give her the upper hand.

Mira could block at closer range, but just by the design of her weapon alone, not accounting for her reach, attacking was significantly harder at a close distance.

Rumi on the other hand knew she needed to get in closer, she could just about touch Mira with the tip of her blade with her arm fully extended at the edge of Mira’s range, so she’d just end up tired before she got a chance to attack if she didn’t manage to adjust their distance.

Almost an hour passed as they traded blows and danced around each other.

A different kind of choreography to what they did on stage, but no less fluid.

They were both sweating heavily, neither wanting to give in as they flowed, moving closer as Rumi took an offensive role, before dodging backwards as Mira swung at her, trying to use the handle of her gok-do to land a hit as well as the blade.

The momentum she was able to get on her swings was terrifying sometimes, and the hits Rumi was forced to block always felt like they made her arms a bit numb from the impact, where she could see Mira’s frustration every time Rumi was able to sneak a well timed jab in.

None hard enough to win the challenge, but enough to see through the cracks of Mira’s stone facade. The way her jaw tightened, her brow furrowed ever so slightly, trying not to lose focus while maintaining the illusion that she had the upper hand at all times.

Rumi lost her footing slightly as she caught the edge of one of the mats, and Mira was quick to jump on the opening, upping her assault as Rumi scrambled to regain her balance while staying out of range of the attacks coming at her.

Mira was relentless, diving forward just as Rumi ducked out of the line of the swing, accidentally overshooting in her eagerness and putting herself into range for Rumi to swing back around, making strong connection with Mira’s ribs with her own blade.

Mira grunted with the pain of the hit, dropping down onto a knee as she wheezed out a groan.

Rumi knew she’d scored the winning hit, but concern for Mira overtook any thought of celebrating as she dropped her sain-geom and rushed over to check she hadn’t hit too hard.

“Are you okay Mira?!”

It took a couple huffs, but Mira was eventually able to respond, “Yeah, just… winded”.

“Sorry”.

“For what? This… was literally… the goal”.

“I know, but I don’t like hurting you”.

“The force of that swing… suggests otherwise”, the cheeky wink Mira sent reassured Rumi she was just joking, so Rumi didn’t feel as bad about shoving Mira back playfully, enjoying how quickly they were able to revert back to themselves after sparring.

In the early days of their training, the rivalry between them had been a bit more intense, so it used to take a bit longer before they would relax with each other after training. But that also probably wasn’t helped by Rumi’s total lack of experience with other people her age and Mira still learning that she was safe even when she didn’t come out on top.

Rumi was quick to stand and pick up the two weapons, walking over to put them back on the rack they lived on as Mira slowly sat back, stretching to feel the extent of the damage.

She peeled her vest up to survey the now blooming bruise on her side and whistled out her appreciation for the mark.

“Nice”, her grin was paired with a slightly wild sparkle her eyes always got when she was looking at body related stuff that would make most others a little squeamish. She loved a good bruise and was sometimes a bit sad the Honmoon healed them all so fast she didn’t get to appreciate them for long if she were to be totally honest. The lack of battle scars was great for their stage images, not so much for the gamer in her that loved to collect trophies.

Rumi was still worried she’d overdone it, but Mira reassured her again as they walked back up to the loft, telling Rumi to think about what she wanted to eat while they showered. Her easy tone and gentle comfort moving on from the sparring session helped settle Rumi’s concerns and she was able to switch off a bit while she went through the motions of cleaning herself.

Her peace was interrupted briefly when a blast of cold water pulled a shriek out of her shortly after she stepped under the water stream. She immediately knew Mira must have been waiting for her to get in to start her own shower, as she was normally much faster to get showered than the other two.

Her suspicions were confirmed when she walked out to find Mira waiting in the hallway.

Acting nonchalant but hovering where she had absolutely no reason to, other than to be seen as Rumi left her room, while trying just a little bit too hard to look casual.

“Enjoy your shower?” Her poker face twitched for a moment, pulling the edge of a smirk up as she asked Rumi in a tone like she was talking about the weather.

Rumi didn’t reward her with a response, only her eyes narrowing ever so slightly before she walked towards the stairs, trying to look unbothered.

Mira giggled at Rumi’s reaction, which broke Rumi’s facade as she too started to laugh, leading them down to the kitchen.

“That was mean”.

Mira grinned as she pulled her hair back into a low ponytail before donning her customised apron (they had all been gifted one by Bobby when they’d insisted on cooking for themselves) before asking Rumi what she had decided on for her victory meal.

“Well, I was thinking of a roast, maybe lamb?”

Mira’s face dropped, her face filled with dread at how much work was about to be ahead of her, always true to her word when she made a bet.

Rumi lasted all of ten seconds before she cracked, laughing as she reassured Mira that wasn’t actually her final answer.

She saw the relief flood Mira, shoulders relaxing as her posture shifted to a taller stance, trying to save some face at Rumi’s retaliation for the shower stunt.

“Actually just tteokbokki would be great”.

“Oh I can definitely do that”, Mira’s grin returned as she started to move through the kitchen, flowing through the space with all the grace one would expect of a dancer.

Rumi was content to just watch as she worked to prepare their meal, the silence between them easy for the most part.

Rumi’s brain was still being weird randomly, as she caught herself watching Mira’s hips at one point (thankfully unnoticed by the other woman).

She internally smacked herself before getting up to grab them both drinks, asking Mira what she wanted and grabbing them both glasses too.

While she was up, she decided to keep herself busy putting out two place settings for them at the island too.

By the time she was done, Mira was ready to serve up the meal, carrying over the two bowls filled with generous portions.

“There’s more left if you’re still hungry”.

“Thank you”, Rumi smiled at Mira, feeling a slight twist in her chest when Mira returned it softly.

Mentally berating herself again for being weird, Rumi turned to her food and quickly got stuck in, her hunger finally making its presence very known as she registered just how much she was ready for this after the morning’s activities.

They ate in silence, neither big talkers unless Zoey was there pulling them along conversation topics, but both content with each other’s company in their own way when it was just the two of them.

It was easy.

Which just made Rumi more frustrated at herself for making it weird.

For reading into things that weren’t there.

For letting her eyes wander into dangerous territory, dragging her thoughts along with them.

She was so lost in reigning in her thoughts that she startled slightly when Mira poked her cheek.

“Welcome back. You okay?”

“I uh… yeah, sorry. Just spacing out”.

Mira tilted her head, clearly unconvinced, but giving Rumi this one as she picked up their empty bowls and moving to the sink to clean up.

Rumi followed, carrying their empty glasses and moving to transfer the leftovers as the silence shifted.

A tension lowering into the space that wasn’t there before.

Mira picked up on it immediately, looking over at Rumi who made a point to stay focused on the task she was working on, not trusting herself to meet the older woman’s gaze, especially as she could feel it weighing on her.

Rumi moved to the fridge, putting the tub away before turning back to Mira, feeling a hollow forming in her chest she wasn’t quite sure what to do with, as Mira stepped towards her tentatively. Like she was approaching an unfamiliar animal.

She didn’t even register moving until she felt Mira’s body tense against hers.

Rumi didn’t quite understand what had happened until she felt Mira melt forward to wrap her arms around her, helping Rumi nest in a little bit closer, enveloping her in warmth.

“Everything okay?”

Mira was looking down at her with curiosity, still processing Rumi's initiation of the hug.

“Yeah, I-”

Rumi cut herself off, suddenly terrified she'd gone too far.

Taken too much.

She stepped back, brow knitting with worry as she closed in on herself.

“I'm sorry”

“For what?”

Mira stepped forward, matching Rumi’s retreat step for step.

“Was it too much…?”

The question terrified Rumi to ask, but she couldn't stop the words escaping this time.

Mira softened immediately, quickly taking an extra step and pulling Rumi back into another hug.

“Oh Rumi, of course not. If anything it’s been really nice having you reach out more”.

Rumi was still tense, not quite ready to believe it.

Even as Mira echoed Zoey’s sentiments from the week before.

Stepping back again, Mira let her take some space, but still stayed close to Rumi.

“What's wrong?”

Rumi didn't have the words to answer, didn't know how to find them either, so she tried to walk away with a quick “Nothing”.

Just wanting to put a bit more space between them, like it might help her think better.

Breathe easier through the weight that was lacing through the space now.

But Mira pulled her back, moving her against the fridge and framing Rumi with her arms like she knew Rumi was about to try and bolt.

There was enough room to escape if Rumi really wanted to, in the back of her mind she knew that was deliberate as Mira could confidently wrestle Zoey into a firm hold when she was intent on trying to get herself into trouble, but right now it was all she could do to process was how close Mira was.

“Why are you pulling back again?”

“I- I already talked it out with Zoey, I’m okay”.

Mira looked hurt by that, which threw Rumi for a loop.

“Is that why Zoey covered for you when I asked about what I’d missed after my shoot?”

Rumi couldn’t bring herself to answer, but her head falling with the shame filling her, because of course Mira noticed that, was enough of an answer.

“You’re still pulling back. Still holding something back. What are you afraid of?”

Rumi felt cornered in more ways than just physically now, not sure how to answer that without being a bit more honest than she felt ready for.

Not even sure she knew the answer herself.

So she shrugged, hoping that would be enough.

Of course it wasn’t.

Mira let out a frustrated sigh, running one of her hands through her hair before standing back slightly, her hands slipping into the pockets of her sweatpants as she made herself smaller.

“You’re not going to scare me off Rumi”.

That got her attention, head snapping up to meet a far more vulnerable expression that she was expecting to be faced with pulling at Mira’s features.

It stole her breath away, twisting into her gut as she searched Mira’s face like it would hand her the answers she couldn’t quite grasp.

“I- I don’t know”. She couldn’t hold Mira’s gaze any longer, eyes dropping again as her arms came up to tuck around herself.

Mira just waited.

Rumi hated this kind of silence.

The kind of silence that screams to be filled.

That drags words forward, coaxing them out to fill the void.

Rumi trembled slightly.

“I keep feeling like I’m off balance, and I don’t know why. You and Zoey aren’t doing anything to make me feel like this”, she was quick to add to head off any worries Mira might have that she was playing a part in it. “I just feel lost and like there’s so much that’s new since… everything. And I can’t keep up”. She closed further in on herself, leaning back against the fridge door. “I don’t even know what I’m meant to be keeping up with”.

Mira’s exhale was gentle, but still sounded a bit exasperated.

“You can lean on us, you know? You don’t have to do this on your own anymore”.

“That’s the part that’s scary. Sure it was lonely, but it was just me before everything came out”.

“It was never just you, as much as you may have been convinced that was how it had to be. You always had me and Zoey once we found each other. Even when we didn’t know what was going on”.

Rumi nodded, knowing that logically.

But her fear was still overriding logic, making it hard to trust herself.

“I’m so tired Mira. I just want to be normal, but I don’t even know what that looks like for me”.

Mira held her arms out, welcoming Rumi forward if she wanted to take the step forward.

“I know, but I’ve got you. I’m always going to be here for you”.

Rumi slumped, her strength leaving as she stepped forward, nesting herself in Mira’s embrace.

They stood like that until Mira suggested they go somewhere more comfortable if Rumi still wanted to cuddle, shifting back and forth on her feet to regain blood flow to them.

She nodded, following Mira to her room after picking up her book from her bedside, where Mira had grabbed her switch and beckoned Rumi over so they could curl up on the bed together.

Rumi leant against Mira, and it felt so easy.

“You make me feel so safe”.

Mira stalled, her game continuing on without her as she turned to Rumi.

“I don’t think I could have done any of this without you, or Zoey”.

“You definitely could have, but you shouldn’t have ever had to. And you never do again if you don’t want to”.

Rumi didn’t have a response for that, so she surrendered to Mira’s warmth, letting it pull her back in as they settled into their respective activities.

The quiet was light again.

Easy.

And Rumi made a decision to stop letting these moments be weird.

Trusting she was allowed to be a little bit selfish in not wanting the touches to end.

To want more.

Even if she didn’t know what that meant.

Chapter Text

Rumi hadn’t even registered getting sleepy, so when Zoey burst into Mira’s room in an explosion of energy, she jumped awake.

Knocking Mira’s switch out of her hands as she bolted upright from where she’d curled into Mira’s lap, catching her forehead on the corner of the device, as she struggled to reorientate herself for a moment.

She hissed slightly at the sting, as Zoey looked sheepish.

“Sorry, didn’t realise you were asleep”.

“Neither did I”, Rumi laughed as she rubbed the sore spot, hoping she wasn’t going to have to ice it.

Mira chuckled too, pulling Rumi’s hand away and tilting her head so she could inspect the mark as if reading Rumi’s mind.

“It’s not going to bruise”.

Rumi felt heat rising in her chest as Mira’s hand dragged along her jaw as she pulled back, turning to Zoey to ask how the filming went like it was nothing, thankfully releasing Rumi before the blush could reach her cheeks.

It probably was nothing.

Zoey looked like she was rebooting for a moment watching the interaction, before registering Mira’s question and diving into all the details.

It was an ad for the streaming platform she used when she did fan streams. Mira and Rumi would occasionally appear, especially for fundraising streams to drive more traffic on, but it was always very much Zoey’s thing and suited her perfectly. She was usually just chatting and interacting with the fans for a few hours every week, sometimes doing games or challenges, but it was a good outlet for some of her excess energy. Rumi and Mira were both content being less visible for once.

But apparently the platform wanted to push their new “stream on the go” feature, so Zoey was driven around Seoul to various locations to show it off, from the skate park to famous sightseeing and lookout spots, markets and finishing off at Namsan Tower, which Zoey found oddly ironic.

Most of the time had been travelling between locations, so Zoey still had a bunch of energy still, which usually meant either a super late night or finding some way to tire her out.

Mira chuckled as Zoey’s stream of consciousness continued on to start telling them about all the interesting people she’d seen during the shoot, and the fans she was able to say hi to briefly while waiting for the car, knowing it wouldn’t be ending any time soon if they didn’t redirect her.

Rumi asked when she last ate, as they realised it was dinner time anyway, and when Zoey couldn’t remember, they all moved to head down to the kitchen. They went through options they had available and Zoey eventually shared that she was craving burgers after saying she wasn’t feeling the options they had at home already.

Burgers were one of the few foods she still loved from her time growing up in the States, and as much as they had tried to learn to make them at home (and could do a decent job of it), they all agreed that they never quite measured up to burgers made by someone else.

They also had an unspoken rule that whoever had to work that day got first pick on food options, and as such, today was Zoey’s call to make. Not that there were any actual complaints about the dinner choice.

Rumi headed to the couch, followed closely by Zoey as she pulled up their delivery app, navigating to their favourite local place and putting her standard order in. Zoey went next, ordering enough for three people for herself, as Mira joined them sipping from a beer in hand.

Zoey perked when she noticed, and looked at Mira expectantly.

A grin that made her entire being shine broke out as Mira held up her other hand, showing it held two other open bottles.

Mira handed Rumi her drink before trading the last bottle for the phone with Zoey, adding her usual in and sending it off after checking everyone was set.

Zoey’s current dating show was cued up without protest, Mira trying to look unbothered as the recap reminded them about the guy who had tried to cheat on his partner with one of the other women on the show like he wasn’t on camera immediately drew her back in.

As they waited for the food to arrive, they slowly sipped at their beers, Mira and Zoey adding a running commentary to the show that made it actually enjoyable for Rumi.

They ended up finishing their drinks before the food arrived, so Mira went to get a second round as Rumi headed down to the concierge to collect their food once they got a call that it had arrived.

She registered the slight buzz she had from the one bottle during the lift ride down, and knew the food had arrived at the perfect time.

Once she thanked the guy on the desk and started making her way back up, she did make a mental note to slow down, especially given how long it had been since they’d last had any alcohol at all, and her tolerance was the lowest of the trio to begin with.

Mira and Zoey were fully stuck in to the drama Rumi had insistent they continue while she went down, barely acknowledging her return until the rustling of the bag snapped Zoey’s attention to the kitchen

She skipped over, quickly helping unload the bags so they could sort all their orders into piles as Mira hit pause.

Zoey’s energy was more bubbly than usual, and Rumi recognised she was also feeling the effects of the near two beers she’d already downed as the maknae giggled and danced on the spot as she organised their orders.

Rumi felt content in a way she wasn’t quite sure how to describe as she watched the younger woman stack her boxes expertly, balancing them strategically enough to hold steady despite the slight wobble to herself. Fondness softening her in a way that was reserved solely for her fellow hunters, and usually something that only showed behind closed doors.

Mira’s hands gently moved to rest on Rumi’s waist, causing her breathing to stick for a moment before a gentle pressure directed her sideways so Mira could get to her food pile.

Rumi immediately stamped down the part of her brain screaming at her that she was being weird, swallowing her reaction as she moved without resistance. Scolding herself when she felt almost disappointed as Mira moved away to focus on stacking her food, touch lingering for a moment longer than it needed to.

Unless Rumi was just imagining it, because this wasn’t weird, it was just Mira moving her.

But still, she couldn’t say how much time had passed since they made contact, her focus zeroing in on every point of warmth more than normal. She only really registered the absence of it.

She blamed the beer.

And if Mira had noticed anything, she didn’t let on.

Grabbing her own boxes of food, she moved to join the other two, who had already started laying out their spreads on the coffee table, couch pillows dragged onto the floor so they could sit comfortably but also minimise the risk of making a mess on the cushions.

A few months after they’d moved in, Rumi had accidentally bumped Zoey when she was holding a large bowl of chilli on the couch, and they had all been on the verge of throwing a funeral for it until Bobby had appeared with enough cleaning supplies to last them a few years. He had talked them through getting stains out, after a lecture about being more careful, especially as they’d need to learn how to fix things on their own more now. Even if they knew he was always going to help them if they asked, they knew he had a point. Part of them moving in together was to become more independent, as Celine had always had people around helping with the shrine they lived and trained at, so even though they weren’t living at home, they still hadn’t really had to do much for themselves. They all wanted to make sure they could handle things themselves even if they had the option not to, which Celine had argued as a main point against them moving out from her place until she realised they weren’t going to give up.

Bobby did have to take a moment first, as he had ended up crying a bit when he saw the pile of dry paper towels they had initially tried to use to clean up before they had realised they were just spreading the mess around more and called him in a panic (they all knew better than to call Celine about it).

After that though, they had made a pact to not eat anything that was hard to clean on the couch anyway, opting for the picnic style around the coffee table instead to avoid the stress of having to be extra careful around the white, cloud-like fabric they all held in such high esteem. It was a vital part of their rest and relaxation routine when Rumi wasn’t overworking them.

The show was restarted as they ploughed through the food, Zoey devouring her three burgers and sides in the same time it took Rumi and Mira to finish their single meals.

Mira and Zoey were four beers in by the time the season finale hit, so their emotions were running high enough for a pillow to get launched at the screen when the douchebro who’d spent the whole season trying to cheat tried to play victim,

They both pointed at the other when Rumi looked over to try and determine who she needed to scold about throwing things at the TV, so she just sighed and shrugged it off after reminding them whoever broke it would be the one to replace it, nursing her third beer slowly, signalling to the others she wasn’t going to be matching pace with them tonight.

She had never been able to anyway, even when they were still drinking enough at events for limits to be a factor, Rumi had always been the worst at holding hers.

She had lamented loudly on more than one occasion that it wasn’t fair Zoey was able to hold so much more alcohol in such a tiny form. Said “tiny form” had then tackled Rumi to the ground and tickled her until she apologised after the third time it came up, and no further comments were made about Zoey’s tolerance in relation to her size after that for fear of the tickle monster returning.

Mira got up to get another round when the episode ended, while Zoey turned to beam at Rumi before flopping back with a content sigh.

Rumi watched her for a moment, filled with warmth at the cute sight, before Zoey stretched out, arching her back in such a way that the hem of the shirt she had on rode up just enough for a sliver of skin to demand Rumi’s attention.

Luck was on her side though, as a yawn snapped her out of it before Zoey could relax out of her stretch and catch her, but she still gasped as Rumi was mid-yawn, making her jump and look around to figure out what had startled the younger woman.

Zoey’s eyes, however, were locked on her.

Her mouth more specifically.

“Do that again!”

“What?”

Zoey didn’t seem to have the patience to explain or wait for Rumi to catch up, so instead she scrambled over herself and crawled into Rumi’s lap, straddling her thighs as her hands found Rumi’s face.

“Uhhh… Zoey?”

“Shhhhh!”

Rumi felt like a deer in the headlights as Zoey’s thumbs traced her upper lip for a moment, before exerting a bit more pressure to draw it up on both sides, gasping again.

“Um, what did I miss?”

Mira was back with their beers, her bafflement at the change in situation since she left clear, as Zoey beckoned her over excitedly while Rumi stared at her with wide eyes.

“RUMI’S FANGS GOT BIGGER!”

Neither of the older women were expecting the pitch up in volume, and they’re not sure Zoey was either, as all three of them flinched before registering what had actually been said.

“I… What?!” pulling back slightly to free herself from Zoey’s hold.

As Rumi ran her tongue along her teeth, she finally clicked as to why her mouth had felt different since the Idol Awards.

It wasn’t exactly something she knew how to bring up to ask about, and mirrors were still a bit hit or miss for her when it came to the patterns on her face. She was getting used to them, but even now she still found the odd twinge of shame and doubt, occasionally hatred, filling her if she looked too close or too long. So she hadn’t really had a chance to examine anything more closely, especially as nothing really felt wrong, just different.

And her canine teeth had always been slightly more pronounced than average, so them growing a bit wasn’t as massive a change as it might have been for someone else. She had always figured it was a demon thing, and if they had in fact grown that lent itself to her suspicions that it was likely connected, since she’d transformed a few times now and a few traces of her demonic form were more pronounced than they had been before. Her shifting position slightly caused the patterns on her hand to flicker in the light, as if to remind her of that.

“Huh…”

“Sick!” Mira grinned as she leaned in for a closer look, causing Rumi to flush a bright red at the proximity of her girls, painfully aware of the fact that Zoey was still straddling her. “The bottom ones look bigger too”.

Rumi again went to confirm the shift, and sure enough her lower canines had also grown slightly.

“Is it a demon thing? Is it permanent? Are they sharp? Can you b-”

Mira yoinked Zoey back off Rumi eliciting a squeak of surprise that restarted Rumi’s brain, as she had forgotten breathing was kind of essential through Zoey’s line of questioning that had her leaning in close enough that their noses were almost touching.

“Easy there, let her answer at least one question before you add more”.

Zoey looked a bit sheepish, but then turned to Rumi expectantly.

Rumi shook her head, hoping to clear some of the fog lining the edges of her mind as she cleared her throat to answer.

“Um… I think so? They’ve always kind of been a bit larger anyway from what I saw? But they’ve never been sharp, at least, not sharp enough that I have to be any more careful with them than with my other teeth. And I have no idea. It might be like my eye where this is my new neutral?”

“Oh yeah, the gold flecks are so pretty!” Zoey’s earnest energy as she leaned forward to rest her chin on her hands to stare without shame, while giving the compliment like it was a known fact threw Rumi. She had reached a point where she no longer jump scared herself when the traces of amber in her left eye caught the light and she panicked that she was transforming randomly. But she was still struggling to feel neutral about it, so getting complimented was not something she knew how to handle.

Thankfully Mira redirected Zoey from her onslaught by starting the next season, registering how overwhelmed Rumi was as she gave a small nod her way to check in.

Rumi gave her a small smile and a nod in return that she was okay as she started the move back to the couch now their food was done as a way to help regulate herself back down from the adrenaline high she couldn’t explain that had spiked at Zoey’s proximity.

Mira joined next and Zoey took their proximity as an invitation to drape across them, her head resting on Rumi’s lap and her legs pulling Mira a bit closer into the perfect spot before settling.

Her left hand found Mira’s to intertwine them and rest on her hip, as her right moved to rest under her head, propping it up while granting her hand proximity to Rumi’s waist, where it came to rest. Though it occasionally twitched or traced idle patterns as they watched the drama unfold, distracting Rumi even more from the show.

Another season and another round of beers down, they all had a good buzz going.

Rumi was still the most sober by far, and braced herself to write off any hopes of making progress on their new song as they were touching the edges of the limits of where the Honmoon could help them make it through the next day without a hangover. If that was the case, none of them would be in any state to produce anything more than groans until at last mid-afternoon.

As the finale episode trudged along, none of them quite following everything fully anymore, Rumi stiffened when Zoey’s hand found the hem of her hoodie and slipped under it to find skin.

Her breath shallowed to the point where she wasn’t entirely convinced she was actually still breathing, as Zoey’s fingers traced patterns that felt like they burned into her skin.

The buzz of the alcohol seemed to amplify the way her body was reacting, sending bolts through Rumi that felt like she was being traced with a live wire instead of Zoey’s fingertips.

It wasn’t like when her patterns burned though.

This heat settling in her core.

The way the world felt like it was drifting just out of focus.

She wasn’t sure how much of this was the alcohol.

She didn’t remember anything like this happening the last time they drank.

Rumi let out a breath of near relief when the episode ended and Mira suggested they call it for the night.

Zoey groaned as she twisted in Rumi’s lap to wrap her hands firmly around the older woman’s waist, deliberately slipping both hands under the hoodie as she did so, even though it meant a bit more fumbling to make it happen.

Rumi chuckled at the maknae’s reaction, finding her protests cute even as her brain felt like someone was jiggling the power cord to it at the sudden extended skin contact.

“Do you two need a bed to yourself tonight?”

Rumi was trying to be supportive.

She’d seen Zoey get handsy like this before, usually towards Mira, as Rumi had learnt to stay out of arms reach when she got tipsy after a very near miss with a zipped up hoodie.

A handsy Zoey was too much of a risk around her hidden patterns.

It usually ended up with Mira spending the night with her. To work things out of her system, or both of their systems, Rumi was never quite sure. But it was something they could do for each other, and she wasn’t about to get in the way of that.

It was just how things went.

But the reactions she got this time looked like she’d just gut-punched the two of them instead.

She was so confused by the hurt swimming through a hint of tears suddenly present in Zoey’s eyes, as Mira’s jaw tightened in the way it always did when she was trying not to let on how much something got to her.

Rumi balked, eyes flitting between the two of them as she tried to process what was happening.

“Wait, what? What’s wrong?!”

Rumi panicked that she’d overstepped somehow.

That she wasn’t meant to acknowledge it like this, even though they had talked about it together already.

Or had she misread the situation?

Had they stopped doing that?

Had she just put her foot in it, reminding them of something that hadn’t worked out?

Mira was the first to find her voice, interrupting the panic briefly. “It’s okay, you haven’t done anything wrong”.

That eased some of the worry in Rumi, but they both still looked so sad.

“Yeah, it’s nothing bad. Things are just a bit different now and I don’t think we’ve had a chance to talk about it yet and we didn’t want to yet because it might make things weird or scary and that’s the last thing we want to do but also I don’t think this is the right time to talk about it even though it’s probably a good idea to and there’s never really a good time for these kinds of things otherwise you’re just going to worry that it’s something you did when it’s really not so we should probably figure out how to talk about it and also what that’s going to look like and it’s our thing to hold and work through but we want to and you-”

Mira put a gentle hand on Zoey’s shoulder to pause the stream of consciousness escaping, which reminded Zoey to retreat from her hold on Rumi.

Rumi swallowed down her disappointment at the loss of contact, determined to not let it show and distract from… whatever this was.

It felt important.

“What Zoey is trying to say is things have shifted, but now is not the time to get into it. If you want to talk about it when we’re all sober, we can. But I promise it is nothing you have done or said wrong or anything like that”.

Rumi nodded, anxiety still twisting in her chest.

But she took Mira at her word, not knowing what else to do without getting into whatever “this” was, and it was clearly a big enough thing for Mira and Zoey to not want to talk about it while drunk, which meant it definitely was important to both of them.

“Okay”, she nodded, before scratching the back of her head awkwardly.

She wasn’t really sure how to continue after suggesting her two closest friends go hook up, only for them to look heartbroken and get all cryptic on her in response.

Still, they made their way upstairs, Rumi trailing behind slightly, her chest still tight in a way she couldn’t unpick.

As they got to her room, she split off, not wanting to get in the way of their fun but also not feeling brave enough to say anything along those lines in case it made things worse again.

But Zoey and Mira both stopped, turning to look at her like they wanted to say something, a sadness Rumi didn’t recognise still flickering in their steady gazes.

But Mira eventually made some kind of call internally, walking forward to hug Rumi tightly, telling her to sleep well before Zoey joined in with a fierce energy, telling Rumi she was awesome.

“We’ll talk tomorrow, I promise”, Mira nodded to emphasise her resolve.

Rumi mirrored the nod, “Okay, sleep well”.

The other two said their last good-nights and moved on to Mira’s room.

Further away from Rumi’s, she figured to reduce any sounds making it to her.

She noticed the usual spring in Zoey’s step was missing as she watched them go.

Finally, she turned to enter her room, alone.

The tightness in her chest clamped down.

Twisting tighter as she made her way over to the bed that now seemed far too big, in a room that felt so, so empty all of a sudden.

She didn’t know why the hollow felt so heavy this time.

She was used to it, to being left behind like this.

So she couldn’t understand why it hurt so much tonight.

Why this void inside her was growing.

Consuming her until all she could think to do was swap out her current hoodie for her favourite snuggle one, before moving her pillows around to frame her.

Not quite sure how to be alone again after over a month of sharing a bed with her girls.

She hoped the pillows would be enough to trick her into thinking they were there, but the lack of warmth was telling, even if she could smell the faintest hints of them lingering on the pillowcases.

She lay like that, unmoving, not knowing how much time had passed.

Not caring enough to check.

Listening to the silence of the room.

Feeling smaller than she could ever remember feeling in her bed, wrapped in a duvet that felt ready to swallow her whole.

She never realised how loud two heartbeats could be.

But their absence was definitely something she noticed.

She lay like that, her mind swirling without grasping on to anything until sleep finally took her.

It was a hollow sleep, but thankfully the nightmares seemed to take pity on her tonight at least.