Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was late, very.
The dark chill of the night enveloped the city, silencing the typical bustling noises of the day and increasing every quiet sound to a bothersome interruption to the stillness of the late hours.

Occupying every crevice of the streets, the gelid winds brought uncomfortable frigid caresses and the promise of a cold to whoever dared to leave their house without proper cover-ups, much to the dismay of anyone who might’ve been trying to enjoy the evening outside.

This of course wasn’t even close to a problem for Shadow, who was currently huddled in the back of his usual bar, enjoying (for as much as he could really enjoy something) the warmth of the big room, mostly caused by the sheer amount of people occupying the space and the alcohol rushing through his veins.

He didn’t particularly appreciate the invasion of his favorite bar by what he could only describe as a mass of drunk idiots, but he guessed that that was his punishment for leaving his apartment on a Saturday night, deciding to test fate and see if he could grab a couple of drinks after a day filled with tiring and honestly irritating occurrences, particularly, the mission he had been assigned on earlier that morning.

He sometimes wished that GUN would just avoid calling him in on the weekend, but he couldn’t be blessed with the normal work schedule of a 9 to 5, considering what his job actually entailed.

He kept his mind busy by twirling the dark liquid in his glass, taking a sip every time he found himself wondering back to his exhausting day.
Taking in a deep breath, he patiently awaited one of the reasons why this particular bar had risen to the top of the list of his favourite places to drink and hide from whoever might search for him late at night (who was, unsurprisingly, only Rouge).

Really, if you had asked anyone who knew Shadow (a rather short list, even shorter if you ignored those who only knew the sting of his punches and nothing more), they would agree that finding him at a bar would be highly unusual.
So, why was he here now? And apparently as a regular guest too.
The answer would’ve probably shocked even Rouge, his closest friend (this title only graced her name when Shadow was feeling particularly intoxicated).
For the dark and brooding hedgehog, the ‘Ultimate Life Form’, was here for the bi-weekly live music event.

Sure, gawk at him all you want, but Shadow had found that he quite enjoyed live music.
The passion that followed every note of the chosen band graced their songs with a renewed vigor, making already great songs into inebriating masterpieces that Shadow just couldn’t resist.

He made an effort to seek out different bars to indulge in his little pastime, but this one always chose to host the best musicians, and so, Shadow found himself here almost every week, religiously ordering the same combination of drinks and hiding in the back of the bar to listen without being bothered by too-drunk ladies screaming at the band or judging looks from the occasional teen that snuck into the establishment with a fake ID.

Shadow really hated teenagers.

He hadn’t stopped outside to look at the lineup of music for the night, not really bothering to even check how long it would last, so he had no idea what could be waiting behind the curtains hiding the stage (he found the presence of them far too fancy for the aesthetic of the bar, but he wasn’t exactly a professional interior designer, so he let the observation shrivel away never to be considered again, especially because he couldn’t really see the stage from his current seat).

As the hour that was marked as the start of the show neared, some guests decided to leave the dance floor, favouring the plush seats that were offered to observe the performance.
Shadow checked the time on the watch that hung loosely ahead of him, held up by a bent nail just barely grazing the wall and pure spite.
A quiet anticipation thrummed in his veins; he was almost excited (yes, you heard that right) to discover what band would accompany his Saturday night.

His gloved fingers tapped the wood of the table in a slow, repeated motion, unheard under the sheer noise that was enclosed in the bar, his inhibitor rings shining under the light.
The hedgehog finished his drink with a swift swig, tracking down the waiter with his eyes as he prepared to order another one.

Always the same drink, always from the same server.

After successfully acquiring another beverage, Shadow settled into his seat. His ears picked up some far-away noise, letting him know that the band was setting up behind the curtains, the muffled sounds of instruments getting positioned hidden under the music coming from the speakers.
To confirm his suspicion, he listened as the cheering from the crowd started, the volume of the music being slowly lowered as the curtains opened to reveal the band, soon fading into nothing.

The group apparently didn’t need an introduction, starting to play after a brief and quick greeting.
Shadow found himself wondering if it was a band he had already seen here, coming back to the bar for a second performance, or if maybe he had missed one of their prior shows on one of the nights he had chosen a different place to get drunk at.

His latter theory was confirmed as the singer joined in; the unfamiliar voice (was it? His brain was far too gone to care right now), carrying over to the end of the bar with ease.
The singer's voice was powerful, raw, accompanying the instrumentals with practiced fervor, gracing Shadow’s ears with a melody that the hedgehog greatly enjoyed.

And oh, how he enjoyed it.

He could feel the singer’s voice reverberating inside him and all throughout the establishment, sending a thrill all over his body as the chorus of the song started, an outstanding and energetic piece of music.

The band was clearly presenting some kind of rock music, maybe pop rock or alternative, it didn’t really matter to Shadow as long as he could tolerate it and he could distract himself from his responsibilities and the pestering of his… acquaintances, for at least a couple of hours.

As the show went on, song after song, Shadow found he was rather impressed with the group, seeking out the adrenaline rush that he got every time the singer hit the high note just right, his voice almost shaking with how much energy he put into arguably the best parts of the songs, a passion that burned through every wall separating Shadow from the stage, deep in the bar, and that hit him in the chest over and over, igniting a fire inside the usually stoic and detached hedgehog.

When the clock on the wall struck 2 am, the last song started, the beat less intense as the end of the night neared.
The slower tempo of the song brought some couples to the dance floor, leaving their seats free to the tired mobians who had spent most of the night breaking it down on the floor and screaming their lungs out to the music, trying to hit the same notes as the talented singer.

Apparently, the whole night had been dedicated to this band, seeing as they were the only ones to perform, and Shadow found himself quietly appreciating the fact, being glad that he had forced himself out of his apartment, facing the busy streets of a Saturday night to be there.

As the end of the song reached the ears of the eager crowd, the hedgehog slipped past the exit doors, already having paid and wanting nothing more than to lie in his warm bed.

And as his figure retreated into the city, the wind rustling his fur in a familiar but unwelcome way, he slipped a flyer in his quills, hidden from anyone but his gaze.

Chapter Text

It had been a few days since Shadow’s escapade at the bar, and his mind was still occupied by the new group, the singer’s voice occasionally accompanying him as he went about his business.
The catchy melody of one of the songs was especially hard to rid from his brain, not that he minded much, as long as no one heard him humming it to himself.

He sat in his small cubicle at GUN, filing the report from Saturday's mission, the one he’d been avoiding like the plague.
After one too many warnings from Commander Tower, he had decided to just get it over with so that he could enjoy his free time without having to worry about any unwanted calls. Seriously, how much time did that man have? Didn’t he have other employees to pester? Whatever.

It was already 10 in the morning, and Shadow had been working on this report for the last two hours.
His back was starting to hurt, and his eyes needed a break from the screen currently occupying most of his vision, straining to keep up with the words that he was typing faster than he could think. The computer lighting up his face with a cold light that laid unflatteringly on his sharp features.

Shadow wasn’t even sure why he had been called into the office; he could’ve easily written the report at home. Tower was practically trying to get him to move into the headquarters with how much time he had forced the hedgehog to spend there. He probably should’ve checked if that was even allowed in his contract, but workers’ rights weren’t exactly respected at G.U.N., and seeing as he couldn’t solve it immediately, he filed it as a future problem and resumed his writing.

Twenty insufferable minutes later, he had finished and sent the document to his commander. Feeling more than ready to leave, he sprung to his feet with determination and shut off his computer, proceeding as quickly as possible to exit that wretched place (which was honestly lucky it hadn’t been burned down by an irritated employee yet, specifically a highly overworked hedgehog).

The gentle breeze outside greeted Shadow like an old friend, ruffling his quills softly, a stark contrast to the cold wind that had pestered him just a few nights prior.
The hedgehog had just started walking towards his apartment, only a few feet away from the entrance of the headquarters, when he stopped. Deciding it was far too early to head back home and be left with nothing to do all day, Shadow turned around and veered himself towards the coast near the city.

A few minutes later, his shoes sunk into the beach, the glistening sea welcoming him with soft waves, the white foam seeping into the sand every time the water retreated from the shoreline.
Shadow made his way through the beach, taking careful steps and trying not to kick up too much sand behind him, soon giving up as he realised that his run on the beach would leave him sandy regardless.

Unfortunately, his plan to take a quick and easy run on the coast had been shattered almost immediately by a grating voice coming from behind him, approaching with a quickness that immediately gave away the culprit of such interruption.

“Hey man! Funny seeing you here; I thought you were allergic to the sun?”

Shadow scoffed, annoyed as he turned to face the bane of his existence (no, he wasn’t being dramatic).
Sonic the Hedgehog was only a few feet behind him now, sporting an easy grin that sent waves of rage into Shadow, much like the waves that gently kissed the sand beside him.

The blue fur glinted under the sun, catching the rays as if they had been made appositely to lay on his quills, rivaling the deep color of the sea. Shadow caught himself staring and tore his gaze away, like you would tear a child from nearing a scorching hot grill.

His emerald eyes (or maybe they reminded Shadow of the grass in the spring, but he wasn’t able to ponder on it much as the thought was quickly shoved away) sat on his rival with a challenging gleam, telling the crabby hedgehog everything he needed to know.
So, no surprise came when Sonic spoke his offer into reality, “Care for a race?”

His voice carried a certain confidence that revealed Sonic’s conviction about Shadow’s inevitable acceptance of his challenge, his smirk infuriatingly optimistic, and even though the latter despised proving his rival right, he gave an annoyed sigh and accepted with a curt nod.

“Tsk, whatever hedgehog, just don’t come whining to me when you lose.”

Shadow’s tone was brusque and rude, but Sonic paid it no mind as he settled beside him in a crouch, ready to sprint away and leave a cloud of sand that would surely fly into Shadow’s eyes if the dark hedgehog didn’t immediately follow suit.

“Want to set some rules?”
Sonic asked as he trailed his eyes over Shadow’s form, crouched beside him with his hands planted firmly in the sand, ready to give himself a boost when they would eventually start.

The dark-furred hedgehog gave a hmph! Of indignation, rules? What were they? Five? He didn’t hesitate to voice his thoughts with a biting mock, sneering at the blue hedgehog: “When have we ever used rules? Just start the damn countdown.”

“Alright then,” Sonic huffed in derision, rolling his eyes, before once again reminding his darker counterpart why the latter despised him so much, his childish and immature nature soon manifesting itself.

“1-2-3-GO!!” he exclaimed hurriedly, not leaving Shadow even a second to register the one before he had already sprinted away, turning around to blow a raspberry at him and pull his lower eyelid down, kicking up sand that luckily hadn’t been able to reach and attack his rival’s eyes.

A growl ripping itself from Shadow’s throat, he launched himself in pursuit of his idiotic enemy (the term used lightly, as the dark hedgehog didn’t consider Sonic as anything more than a mere annoyance).

His eyes narrowed in concentration, focusing on his target. At first he might’ve considered just entertaining Sonic’s request with a simple race, but seeing as the blue hedgehog had decided to be an ass, he soon found himself trying to jump on him more than surpass him.

As the two zipped past the shore, bumping shoulders here and there as Sonic cracked corny one-liners that made Shadow roll his eyes every single time, the dark hedgehog decided that he had had enough of the faker’s games, and in a fit of rage, he had flung himself on the other, grabbing him by the shoulders and bringing him down.

Thanks to the speed of their run and the force behind Shadow’s jump, they had both ended up tumbling down in the sand, the cranky hedgehog making sure to keep a strong and firm grip on Sonic’s shoulders, rolling them so that he had ended up on top.
Immediately moving his hands to the hero's wrists, he pushed them down on the ground to immobilize his upper body before setting his eyes on Sonic’s face with a glare, snarling.

Sand had made its home in both their furs, settling in their quills like a parasite. It grated uncomfortably against Shadow’s skin, sneaking with ease into his gloves and shoes like water, scratching him with every slight pressure applied.
No amount of shaking would’ve been able to get it out, and the hedgehog could already imagine the hour he would have to spend washing it off, trapped under the shower like a pathetic wet cat.

The realisation made his anger flare up, and in the back of his mind he found himself wishing that looks could kill, so he would be rid of the aggravating annoyance that was Sonic the Hedgehog, currently lying under him with a smug grin split on his face.

Maybe he should just punch him right now; hopefully his teeth would fall out and he’d never have to see that smirk again.

“Y’know, if you wanted to get on top of me you could’ve just asked,”
the blue hedgehog teased, seeming satisfied with his quip (the fact that it was so unoriginal and unfunny just pissed Shadow off even more).

Bringing his attention back to his victim, Shadow moved his hands from Sonic’s wrists, instead grabbing his chest fur and lifting him up. Bringing one arm back, his hand tightened into a fist as he got ready to execute his plan and leave Sonic in crippling debt from dental bills.

But before he could make Sonic rich with money from the tooth fairy, the latter let out a dramatic and totally unwarranted screech, squeezing his right eye closed and furiously rubbing it with his now free hand.
Apparently, as Shadow had lifted his torso off the ground, a few granules of sand had fallen into Sonic's eye.
This was further supported by the redness in the loser’s eye, where tears were quickly welling up, his body trying to flush out the intruders.

“OW—GOD DAMN—” the hero cried, assaulting his eye with his fist as he reacted to the unpleasant sensation.

The dark furred hedgehog could do nothing but stare at the dramatic display, finding it extremely pathetic. So much so that it snapped him right out of his murderous mood, making him let go of Sonic’s chest to let him flop unceremoniously on the sand.

As the idiot kept writhing on the ground, Shadow stepped back up, figuring that if he wanted to get rid of the sand, he might as well stop rolling in it.
He scoffed down at Sonic, crossing his arms over his chest (trying and failing to ignore the sand in his gloves), before giving him a swift kick to the side, just for good measure, which earned him an indignant moan in return.
“Come on dude! Don’t kick a man when he’s down!”

Shadow answered with a silent glare, turning around and sprinting away, hoping that just maybe the speed would free some sand from his quills.

Sonic, stunned by the sudden departure, stayed lying on the ground, watching Shadow run away as he rubbed his right eye, before groaning in frustration and getting up, leaving the beach in a blue blur.

After an hour and 16 minutes of furious scrubbing (accompanied by a lengthy string of curses muttered under his breath), Shadow had finally been able to clear his fur of any sand, his arms aching as he let them fall to his sides.

He was really starting to regret his earlier actions, cursing his impulsive temper. If only he hadn't jumped onto Sonic…
He wouldn't have wasted his afternoon in the shower for starters and probably would have avoided the now constant soreness in his arms.

Plopping down on the couch to relax and maybe catch up on his reading, his eyes trailed towards the novel sitting on the small coffee table in front of him. He reached for the book, his gloved hand grasping the hardcover, still in pristine condition as Shadow was only about 30 pages in.
The story was compelling, sure, but he hadn't been able to save any free time to actually get into it, choosing instead to favour his visits around the city, hunting for bars that offered live music at hours when Shadow was positively sure he would avoid running into any annoying acquaintances.

He opened the book to the last page he had been reading, setting the bookmark beside him with care, but just as his eyes had landed on the first word, a couple of knocks tore his attention away from the beloved pages.

The knocks were familiar, the confident rhythm bringing Shadow to a groan as he mentally bid goodbye to his relaxing afternoon (almost evening by now).
He didn’t even bother getting up, barking out at the intruder he knew had the keys to his apartment,
“What do you want Rouge.”

The words hadn’t even left his mouth when the bat invited herself in, walking towards Shadow with a small grin on her face, a clear plan in her mind.
“Is that any way to greet your friend?~” she pouted, feigning offense at his scathing words, before sitting down beside him, getting comfortable on the soft couch as if it were her own.
“What do I want? A girl can’t simply visit her best friend without a reason?” she questioned, the smile sneaking back on her lips.

Shadow clearly wasn’t convinced, and if the unimpressed glare he sent her way wasn’t enough to get the point across, his words surely would,
“No, now what do you want?”
He scoffed, his patience running thin as he stared down the bat (you could say it rivaled a piece of paper).

“Ugh, alright, fun police…” she mumbled before lighting up once more “Let's go out!” Rouge proposed, leaning into Shadow’s much adored personal space, uncaring for whatever boundary he might’ve preferred.

The hedgehog groaned in annoyance, slipping more into his couch as he hoped it could just swallow him whole, saving him from his tragic fate (so much for Sonic being the dramatic one).

Rouge didn’t let his sounds of protest discourage her, actually, she decided to ignore them, way too used to her friend’s unnecessary antics, and pushed further for his agreement, eager to bring her friend out of his sad and lonely hole of an apartment (unaware of his nightly ventures through the city).
“Oh, come on, you can’t just rot in here all day! you literally only go out for work or to race your boyfriend—”
“My what now—”
“—You need to get a life Shadow, let’s go get some drinks!!”
She exclaimed, ignoring the hedgehog's outraged look, getting up from the couch and giving a small excited twirl “We’ll have so much fun!”

Shadow had tried to think of a way out of this; he really had, but the stars in Rouge’s eyes told him she really wanted to hang out, and he could probably survive one night out with her. And more importantly, the faster he agreed, the less time she’d spend pestering him.
So, looking away and setting his gaze on the sun, almost fully set outside his window, he gave a short nod of approval and crossed his arms over his chest in surrender.

And that’s how he had found himself at this disco a couple hours later, whichever one it was (judging by the unfamiliar look, not one of Shadow’s usuals), drinking with Rouge as she recalled in extreme detail her last encounter with a certain red echidna (one of Sonic’s friends, Shadow grimaced at the thought).

Giving her only half of his attention, he kept his gaze behind her, observing rather boredly the interior of the disco, already regretting leaving the warmth and comfort of his apartment for this.

The music was loud, obnoxiously so, and bad too, nothing like Shadow’s favoured songs.
It grated at his ears aggressively, almost like it was trying to assault his eardrums specifically, leaving him cringing at every particularly high and sudden note, suppressing his small flinches with practiced ease, muscle memory kicking in.

There were people dancing in the middle of the room, most of the movements sloppy and painful to look at, clearly a result of the alcohol, the only saving grace being a couple of girls at the side of the dance floor, enjoying themselves as their movements held a certain grace that eluded everyone else.
Maybe dancers? Shadow found he didn’t really care, and so, he averted his attention to somewhere else.

Or at least, that’s what he would’ve liked to do, but his drunk brain was traitorous and not to be trusted, and that’s exactly what Shadow thought as his mind decided to summon an image from earlier that day.

He was back at the beach, the sunlight caressing the soft features that distinguished the figure in front of him as his rival, the golden rays rivaling his joyful eyes in brightness, the green a rare shade of spring’s grass, the one that brought life to any sunny field, kissed by Mother Nature.

The sea was put to shame next to such a vivacious blue, the soft fur tempting Shadow to exchange his punches for gentle caresses, to feel him in a way that had always intrigued the dark hedgehog, far from the usual harshness that distinguished their touches, the desire visiting him only in the late hours of the night, when anything could be excused as a simple misstep of a tired mind.

The last thought shook him from his daze, a sinking feeling growing in his stomach that he hurriedly attributed to the one too many drinks, just like his weird and unwanted fantasies.

When Shadow finally snapped out of his trance, he found Rouge still rambling about Nibbles or whatever his name was.

Sighing as thankfully she hadn’t noticed his brief mental absence, he went back to his drink, trying his hardest to focus his full attention on the bat’s words, keeping any more “perverted” notions locked away never to be considered again, for his own good.

His attempts were soon proved futile though, and as he tried to drown his thoughts with alcohol, the drinks had the opposite effect than what he desired, sinking him further into his unsettling fantasies.
Rouge, quickly taking notice of his strange behavior, sent him a questioning look, her concern barely concealed,

“Are you alright? You look like you’re fighting period cramps,” she commented, her blunt words slightly slurring thanks to the alcohol.
“I'm going home,” Shadow blurted out irritated, brushing off her worried look with a glare he hoped was as harsh as he intended, attempting to mask his rising panic as he lost reign of his own thoughts, treading into dangerous and unwanted territory.

Rouge, unluckily for him, saw right through his defenses, extending her arm to grasp his wrist firmly, appearing sober than she had in hours.
She opened her mouth to voice her dissensus, but as her eyes locked with his, she backed down, sensing his discomfort.
A soft sigh escaped her lips, and with a resigned nod, she stood up,
“Let's go then.”

The music from the disco was muffled, rapidly fading as the two kept walking away, both lost in their own thoughts as the night was beginning to catch up on them (for as fast as Shadow could run, he couldn’t escape the traitorous ideas plaguing his mind).

The cold wind whispered of browning leaves and warm drinks, carrying promises of shorter sunlit days and naked trees. The duo’s breathing created little puffs of warm air, visible in the chilly weather.

As Shadow’s eyes followed the little clouds with indifference, his attention was caught by a familiar name plastered on a flyer hanging on the outside of a closed coffee shop’s window.

Stopping dead in his tracks, he turned his head towards the piece of paper, which sported in big letters the name of the band Shadow had discovered a couple of nights prior, accompanied by a time and place:

The name of the place was unfamiliar, clearly out of the hedgehog's usual circle of bars; he'd have to look it up later at home.
Before Rouge could notice the empty space next to her, Shadow tore the flyer off the glass, hiding it in his quills, and as the bat turned to give him a quizzical look he shrugged and started walking again like nothing had happened.

Chapter Text

As Shadow quickly discovered, the bar Silver Haven resided on the other side of the city in a district he rarely visited.
The place was filled with shops, but it lacked anything that could be of interest to him.

Tonight that wasn’t the case though, and so as the hedgehog entered his apartment, coming back from a strenuous mission that had lasted 4 hours too long and ended with Shadow more or less getting his ass handed to him, he started getting ready to head out again, rest be damned.

Leaving his shoes by the door, he made his way further into the apartment. He entered the bathroom, peeling off his socks and gloves carelessly, his movements slow as he flung them blindly at the laundry basket in the corner, missing the opening by a few inches.

He promised himself to pick it up later (he probably wouldn’t) and went straight for the tub.
Shadow didn’t intend to take too long in there, but he figured he deserved a relaxing bath after the absolute shit show of a mission he had just left.
His hand gripped the faucet handle, the cold metal a stark contrast to the warmth of the gloves that were just enveloping his fingers, but Shadow paid it no mind as he turned the handle to start the water.

Waiting for the tub to fill up, the hedgehog kneeled next to it, letting his body slump against it. He rested his head on the arm laying on the brim of the tub, the other one hanging inside, keeping his hand under the constant stream of water, the fur tousled by the pressure, leaving it to stand in odd ways on his paw.
The sensation felt grounding, the icy cold water almost burning his hand. He tiredly stretched his fingers, opening and closing them as the water poured over him.

A quiet sigh left Shadow’s lips, his mind wandering back to the mission.
GUN’s information on the building he had had to infiltrate was incorrect and dated, the planimetry was poorly made, probably a couple of years old, and the building had been wrongly recorded as abandoned.
That wasn’t the only problem the hedgehog had faced though, far from it.
He had been feeling off the whole day, starting right after he left GUN’s headquarters to head to the site.

His movements were sloppier and slower, his limbs heavy, like the Earth had suddenly switched gravities with the Sun and Shadow was the only poor soul affected by it.

If Sonic had been there, he would’ve spent the whole time teasing him about it with his stupid quips, or maybe he would’ve found it concerning and forced him to go home, but the latter was probably a pretty self-indulgent thought (Shadow shook his head, the thought of his rival finding him weak making something small ache in his chest).

As the dark hedgehog came back to his senses, he felt the water reaching his bicep, the tub full.
Had he zoned out for that long? He huffed, irritated, before quickly shutting the water off.

Shadow lowered himself into the warm water, leaning back to rest his aching back against the wall of the tub, his eyes closing without his consent as he exhaled softly, his muscles relaxing.

He soaked in there far longer than he should’ve, the water turning cold around him, until he had been forced to get out so he could get ready, not wanting to miss the event, the only highlight of his week.

An excited buzz accompanied his every move, from the moment he left the bathroom to putting his jacket on to leave.
Every second that passed brought him closer to wrapping his hand around the cold glass of a drink.

Hyper aware of the ticking of the clock hanging in the kitchen he went through the familiar motions of his routine, fixing his eyeliner (Rouge always whined about him gatekeeping how it survived unscathed through his missions) and tidying up his quills so they’d sit as intended on his head, giving him a more put-together appearance.

He hadn’t always cared about how he appeared to other people, the notion of having to look presentable sounding unimportant against everything else.

It was Maria who had taught him to take care of himself, in the nights when he would slip into her room for a slumber party and they’d play around with her clothes and makeup (she was always a little upset about not being able to let him experience a true slumber party, but he treasured those nights like a personal heaven).

The memory sent a spike of pain in his chest, his hands stopping their motions in his quills as he stared in the mirror, an unreadable expression veiling his face. His breathing was uneven, and his hands were shaking as he could feel himself starting to spiral.

Not letting himself indulge in such a self-destructive trail of thoughts, he forced the memories out of his head, taking in a deep breath as he compelled his hands to keep moving, soon finishing grooming himself and picking up his keys from the small table near the entrance.

Shadow left the apartment at around 10pm, locking the door behind him as he went.
He slipped the keys in his quills before sliding his hands in the pockets of his bomber jacket, simply worn for aesthetics considering his high tolerance to harsh temperatures (not that it would’ve helped anyway, the item being cropped and all).

The show would be starting in an hour; Shadow was going to be quite early if he ran across the city now.
He wasn’t in any particular rush, and he didn’t wish to take the seats in front of the stage, quite the opposite actually, so he decided to ditch the running and made his way towards the entrance of the complex’s garage, where his beloved bike sat untouched, since it hadn’t been used in a good two weeks.

He slipped on the bike with ease, ditching the helmet seeing as he could easily survive a car crash and he wasn’t about to ruin all the hard work he had put into his quills, and started his ride, turning the key in the ignition slot and taking off.

Nearing the urban section of the city, Shadow parked his bike in the closest parking lot, choosing to walk the rest of the way.

The street was busier than expected, mobians entering and exiting the shops and bars in a constant flow, reminding Shadow of the lines of ants he had observed in his first years on Earth, fascinated by such strange behavior, repetitive and so precise. He had since grown accustomed to the different motions of life on the planet, now barely deserving of his attention, but the casual similarities of living still caught his eye from time to time.

Different lights illuminated the street, coming from various sources.
The windows facing outwards had their lights stretching far and thin over the road in varying colors, occasionally interrupted by the people in the buildings walking past them and leaving their shadows to break the luminous streams.

Small lamps were mounted on the walls, their light diffusing through the night in soft halos, tiny moths circling them like angels, called in by the whispers of the small glowing particles.

Shadow walked through the street, his footsteps oh so quiet, hidden by the chatter that surrounded the unfamiliar faces that were littered all around, appearing muffled to him as his attention was focused on finding his destination, his eyes looking for the familiar words that would decorate the outside of the bar.

After a few minutes of searching, the name of the bar entered his line of sight, the sign glowing softly in the night, the cold silver light surrounding every letter, highlighting them against the dark wall of the establishment.

Pulling at the entrance door, warm air filtered through the opening, welcoming Shadow in.

The cushioned chairs of the bar were occupied by various people, busy with their own drinks and conversations, their voices dancing with the soft notes of the music playing through the speakers, but a few places were still free to take.

Shadow looked around the room, eyeing the stage near the opposite end, his eyes narrowing in contemplation.
The seats here were far too close to the dance floor, which was conveniently situated in front of the stage, and so, he kept walking.

He made his way towards the very back, where some booths sat adjacent to the wall, mostly vacant considering their poor (or almost nonexistent) view of the stage, probably more suited for meals instead of viewing a show.

The hedgehog settled down, his back meeting the plush backrest of the seat, the watch on his wrist telling him he’d have to wait half an hour before the start of the performance.

His eyes trailed over the interior of the bar as he waited, taking in as many details as he could.
The place was big, bigger than his favourite bar, probably able to contain double the guests.
The main colors were light, silver and white dominating the room, a clear call-back to the name of the place.

The actual bar was the busiest part of the whole space, several mobians ordering drinks and soundlessly fighting over the few barstools offered.
Two bartenders smoothly taking the orders and offering them to the guests before they’d be able to make a single complaint.

Shadow found himself admiring the skillful actions of the two, envying the ease they possessed in handling such a number of people, drunk people at that, and silently congratulated them on being able to stop themselves from flinging a chair at the rude guests.

His thoughts were interrupted by a server walking past him, and before they could disappear into the sea of people, he called them over, ordering his first drink of the night.

The time passed quickly, Shadow getting lost in his own head as he drank, and soon enough the music in the background started slowly getting lowered to let the band that had walked up the stage start.
The smooth voice of the main vocalist greeted the crowd forming in front of the platform, introducing the group and thanking them for being there.

The voice was uncannily familiar, worryingly so, but the dark hedgehog decided to attribute it to the fact that he had already listened to it last time, ignoring the small voice in his head that begged him to put a face to it.

He brought the glass to his lips, the cold liquid slipping through, leaving a burning feeling in its travel down his throat.

In the background, a guitar started playing, shortly followed by the sultry voice of the singer, and Shadow let himself relax, the alcohol mixing with the alluring vocals, soothing the mind that threatened to outrun him.

When Shadow brought his eyes back to his watch, the screen illuminated by bright numbers, it let him know it was almost 2am.
The show would end soon, and the hedgehog would have to face his failed mission, adding to the usual worries that plagued him.

He groaned, slamming the glass down on the table and wincing at the force, the usual control that defined his movements evading him.

He could already feel the tension in his body coming back, his teeth worrying his bottom lip mindlessly.
His grip on the glass never faltered, his skin seeking to feel the cold sensation through the fabric of the gloves, trying to ground himself.

The last song of the night started playing, and to avoid the crowd of people that would soon block the exit, Shadow got up to leave.

He hurried out of the door, not bothering to look back towards the stage as he walked past the mob of people, keeping himself close to the wall.

As soon as the cold crisp air hit his face, he released the breath he hadn’t realised he had been holding, eager to get new air in that didn’t smell like alcohol and sweat.

Shadow contemplated the idea of heading home, where his soft bed was waiting for him, but the thought of laying there in the silence that infested his apartment was anything but desirable, so he sped off in the opposite direction of his bike, towards the outskirts of the city.

The farther away he got from the city, the brighter the stars in the sky appeared, his running subconsciously slowing, allowing him to observe the twinkling lights that decorated the deep blue overhead, the same shine reflecting in his dark eyes.

His running slowly came to a stop as he reached the countryside, his head still pointed towards the vast expanse above him.
Shadow relaxed, his scowl vacating his face, leaving behind a look of wonder you usually find in small children observing something new for the first time.
But this? The sky? It was anything but new to the dark hedgehog, maybe associated with more bad memories than good, but still able to steal his attention and cradle it with care, keeping him close wherever he went.

If Shadow could afford it, he’d move outside the city, far from the noise of busy streets and lights that obscure the stars, making them appear as if veiled, covered.
He’d buy a small house in the hills, where there’s plenty of space to run; maybe he’d even be able to race Sonic more frequently.

Not that he enjoyed spending time with that blue moron, his jarring voice making his ears hurt, he could almost hear it, calling to him, his name rolling smoothly off Sonic’s tongue, as if it had been placed there by Gaia himself…

Except, he could actually hear his voice, Shadow noted before sharply turning his head towards the noise.
Sure enough, a blue hedgehog was running in his direction, slowly coming to a stop in front of him.

Chaos, he couldn't get a moment of peace even in the middle of nowhere.

“Shadow! Nice seeing you here. What are the odds?” Sonic grinned, resting his hands on his hips as he addressed the hedgehog in front of him, clearly almost bursting with energy that Shadow wasn’t really sure was appropriate for 2am in the morning.

The dark-furred hedgehog glared at the hero, grimacing at the loud chatter,

“I’m not in the mood for your nonsense; find another hill to infect with your presence,”
Shadow bit back, his arms crossing over his chest as he looked away, his eyes gazing longingly at the silent hills farther away from Sonic’s existence, yearning for the time alone he had greatly underappreciated just moments before.

Sonic scoffed, having the audacity to act offended, not giving up on his overexcited pestering.
“Yeah yeah whatever–” he waved a hand dismissively. “I was thinking… we should race!” he proposed smugly.

Shadow wanted to punch him, which is exactly what he proclaimed,

“I'm going to punch you.”

The hero shrugged, unbothered by the threat. “I mean, eventually you were going to do that even if we raced– so I guess we can skip right to the fighting for tonight!”
Before he could even finish his sentence, he had already started to jump towards Shadow, flinging himself at the other with no regard for his safety, or anyone’s really.

That would’ve been fine, well, not really, but it wouldn't have angered Shadow more than usual.
Unfortunately for Sonic, they were standing right next to a pretty steep drop, and so they quickly found themselves tumbling downhill (this was starting to become an odd recurring situation, Shadow thought briefly).

When their bodies finally came to a stop, Sonic was pinned beneath Shadow, the latter lying on him with his full weight.

Looking up towards the hill they had just descended, Sonic could see the trail of mushed grass they had left behind and mentally apologised to the broken flowers caught in their way before bringing his attention to his soon-to-be murderer who was currently pushing himself up on his arms and probably plotting a hundred ways to make his death look like an accident.

“Uhm…oops?” The hero chuckled nervously, his eyes locked onto Shadow.

The dark-furred hedgehog growled, his eyes wide with rage as he looked up at Sonic’s face, his hands shooting up to grab his neck and strangle him unconscious.
But to the hero’s surprise, the gloved hands around his neck never tightened, instead sitting there as if frozen.

Sonic opened his eyes, which had closed when he had gotten ready to be hit, and brought them to Shadow’s face once again.

The dark hedgehog was wearing a strange expression, his eyes narrowed in concentration, the fight forgotten as a curious spark slowly dissolved the anger on his features.

Shadow leaned closer, his eyes trained on a spot on Sonic’s cheek, his attention caught by something sparkly on the fur.

He subconsciously raised one of the hands he kept on the blue hedgehog’s neck, cupping the latter’s face slowly, uncharacteristically gentle, and swiped his thumb on the other’s cheek, the…glitter? Staining his glove.

Shadow eyed the substance confused, his thumb caressing Sonic’s fur, trying to understand why his rival would have pink sparkles on his face, completely entranced and not noticing Sonic’s shocked expression.

The latter’s muzzle started growing red, his eyes observing the other in stunned confusion, worriedly wondering if maybe his rival had been switched with an alien (well, another one) or if he was maybe suffering from a concussion caused by the fall.
But as he mulled over the various possibilities, he didn’t dare pull away from the warm hand on his cheek, almost leaning into it instead.

“... Shadow?” the hero breathed out, careful.

The hedgehog in question snapped his face towards Sonic, and, stopping his caressing, finally came to his senses.

Shadow pulled away abruptly, quickly standing up and putting some distance between the two.
Ok, maybe he should start minimizing his alcohol intake, but that was a problem for the next day, right now he had to deal with the hedgehog staring up at him with eyes so soft he might get sick.

He growled, crossing his arms over his chest protectively, but as he gazed at the dumbfounded hero, he couldn’t bring himself to bite out any sort of harsh insults, his chest aching and his hand missing the warmth of Sonic’s face.
And so, for the second time in a row, he turned and left without another word, speeding away as if he was running for his life.

Chapter Text

That morning Shadow awoke later than usual, his eyelids feeling heavier every second he kept them open.
He had slept through his alarm, surprisingly.
He only kept one, always waking up a couple of minutes before it rang, but today that clearly hadn’t worked, which left him wondering if he should even attempt getting up.

His head hurt, the pounding ache not-so-gently letting him know that he had drunk too much the earlier night, unwavering even after he had drowned himself in water, trying to soothe his dry throat.

After a few minutes spent convincing himself that he shouldn’t bury his whole body in blankets and spend his day as a burrito, he got up, slowly, but he did.

He stood in the bathroom, gripping the sink with one hand as he searched his cabinet for anything that would mitigate his headache.
His search being a failure (it was starting to become a trend as of late, failing) he slammed the cabinet shut, coming face-to-face with the mirror mounted on its door.

His reflection greeted him like a slap to the face, his jumbled appearance taunting him.
Shadow’s quills were messy, fur sticking up in awkward places. His eyes were red and irritated, probably begging for some eye drops, and overall he looked like he had been run over three times by a military tank (he would’ve preferred that over what he had actually done last night).

Sure, he had probably drunk one too many glasses, but that wasn’t the only reason he currently wanted to defenestrate himself.

Shadow had caressed Sonic’s face. Sonic hadn’t pulled away.

The hedgehog let his head fall, his forehead thumping against the mirror in front of him, a groan leaving his throat as the action sent a wave of pain through his skull, squeezing his eyes shut.
The memory did something funny to his stomach, but he wasn’t very keen on finding out exactly what.

The way Sonic had looked up at him as he stepped away was seared into his brain, as if someone had taken the time to carve it into his mind, not a single detail lost.

His eyes were so gentle, the green appearing speckled with stars, like a garden infested with fireflies.
His lips had been slightly parted, stunned into silence, until his name had poured out in a whisper, with a carefulness so unlike the usual cockiness that the hero displayed when teasing him, completely shattering everything Shadow thought he knew about his rival.

And Shadow? He needed, no, yearned to hear it again, and for that he deserved to suffer through this hangover without any medicine, hoping it’d scare the desire away.

He scoffed, willing his eyes open as he stepped away from the sink, leaving the bathroom and walking towards his living room, proceeding to plop ungracefully on the couch, his already messy quills splaying awkwardly behind him.

The light filtering through his living room’s windows was too much for Shadow, his eyes squinting as he looked over to the curtains hanging open, doing nothing to protect his eyes from the assault that they were currently being subjected to by the morning sun, seeing as he had forgotten to draw them the prior night, too busy spiraling over his little encounter with Sonic.

Just the name sent Shadow right back into his panicked state, his mind going a thousand miles an hour looking for a rational explanation as to why he had felt so compelled to touch Sonic in any way that wasn’t harsh and with the objective to hurt him.

The way he had stroked his cheek, slow and gentle, was an ability he thought he had lost long ago. To touch without breaking, feel without harming. He really thought it had died with Maria, taken from him with such force it had torn him apart.

Shadow brought his arm up to his face, hiding his eyes from the light. A soft sigh escaped his lips, scarred from anxiously biting at them over the years.

Why had Sonic even been there? How had he found him in the middle of nowhere on the other side of the city? And why was his fur filled with glitter…

Shadow silently mulled over those questions, going over possible explanations. Had Sonic been in the same part of town earlier? Maybe he had been out and decided to go for a run in the open space closer to him; that would explain how he got to the hills.

But why had he strayed so far from his side of the city? …the only reason would be an event in the area, and the only one that Shadow had been aware of was the show at Silver Haven, which would mean that Sonic was at the performance, which would also explain the glitter…

Which meant that the hero was a fan of the band too.
Shadow scoffed; he was less than eager to share a favorite band with Sonic of all people, wanting to gatekeep his little hobby as much as possible.

Before he could continue his deducing that would put Sherlock Holmes to shame (big emphasis on the sarcasm here) he heard ringing coming from somewhere on the other end of the couch, the muffled vibrations reverberating through the pillows.

He had probably flung his phone on the couch when he had come back, Shadow realised, and not bothering to get it back, it had spent the night here.

The dark hedgehog pushed himself up with a groan, his muscles protesting and head pounding as he reached out towards the vibrating rectangle.
His naked hand grasped it firmly (he had now just realised that he had lost his gloves at some point of entering through the door and getting into bed and was unsure of exactly where they could be), and accepting the call, he didn’t think to check the caller ID.

What greeted him was the monotone voice of his commander, sounding as displeased as Shadow felt with the whole deal.

“I'm missing the report from your last mission.”
Commander Tower wasn’t one to bother with meaningless small talk, but the absence of even a quick ‘hello’ told Shadow the man was feeling particularly irritated.

Suppressing a groan and summoning the most polite voice he could muster, the hedgehog answered, “My mistake, I'll send it by 3pm.”
He had settled on a quick apology, deciding not to waste his time on explanations that would be dismissed faster than he could voice them.

“For your own good, have it done by 2.”

The sound of the call ending echoed in Shadow’s ears like a threat, a silent suggestion for him to get right on writing that report.

Sure, his job kind of sucked ass, but it was better than no job, so Shadow got up from the couch (not without many complaints from his muscles) and headed towards his room to get ready.

Not even twenty minutes later, Shadow was sitting at his cubicle, the place looking as grey and impersonal as ever (he really wanted to avoid associating anything with this place, so he never brought a thing of his here other than himself).

With the excitement that could rival a door, he started typing on his computer, the light from the screen stabbing his eyes and sending another fit of pain into the top of his forehead.

He scrunched his eyes closed, taking in a deep breath, then resumed his writing, shame pooling into his gut at having to put down the multiple ways he had failed the mission, not omitting the weakness he had displayed since the very start.

He wasn’t exactly sure what the commander would do after reading the report, this being the first time he hadn't at least half-completed a mission, but he knew the small voice in his head that told him he'd get fired was unfounded and irrational.
He was one of their greatest weapons; they'd fire half the people here before even considering letting him go (or putting him back into stasis—Shadow exiled that thought immediately).

As the clock kept ticking, Shadow’s gloved fingers flew over the keyboard, determined to get this humiliation over with as soon as possible. And when he read 12:54 on the clock, he had just finished sending in the report.

Releasing the breath he hadn't realised he was holding, Shadow pushed his body away from the desk, his arms still feeling sore. His chair rolled back, the wheels squeaking in the still silence of the office, the sound appearing notably louder to his tired ears. The hedgehog grimaced but quickly moved on as he shut off his computer and stood up, eager to run from this torturous building as the commander was surely already reading his document.

His theory was unfortunately proven right just as he was about to step out of the entrance doors, letting him savour the taste of freedom for less than a few seconds before his phone rang, vibrating in his quills.

This time Shadow didn’t make the mistake of not reading the caller ID, and when he confirmed that it indeed was Commander Tower, he turned on his heels and walked right back into the building, already predicting where this was going.

He was summoned into the commander's office to discuss the mission report.

When Shadow reached the office, he was surprised to find that Commander Tower did not appear as mad as he had expected. Actually, scratch that, he didn’t look mad at all; instead, his face was sporting a suspiciously friendly expression as he invited Shadow in.

The dark hedgehog eyed him curiously, eyes narrowed as he tried to decipher the strange behavior of his superior, but considering his precarious situation, he decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth and sat down as requested (if only he had been introduced to Greek mythology, he would've reconsidered his choice).

The commander coughed awkwardly, interlacing his hands and placing them on the desk in front of him.
“So Shadow…here in the report—” he scrolled on the touch pad of his keyboard, likely looking for the part of the text he was interested in “you mention feeling ‘weaker than normal’… could you elaborate?”

He sounded unsure, keeping his eyes on the screen of his computer, and Shadow was starting to wonder if maybe getting reprimanded would've been better than whatever this was. The hedgehog hesitated, his mind stuck between admitting the full extent of his failures or saving whatever was left of his pride.
He couldn’t explain what had happened simply because he had no idea, and backing down from what he had written on the report would’ve made Tower suspicious of whatever Shadow was hiding, which was nothing.

Cursing his foolish decision to be sincere with the commander of G.U.N. of all people, he figured there was no other way out of this than through.

“I felt unnaturally weak all throughout the duration of the mission, and after… I'm not sure why—” he stopped, trying to lock eyes with the commander and understand if he was giving away information that would get him in trouble, but Tower stayed silent, waiting for him to continue.

“... It felt like nothing I'd ever experienced.”
Commander Tower gave him a quick nod, seeming deep in thought. When he spoke up again, Shadow wasn't sure he'd heard him right,

“Alright, thank you Shadow, I think you should take a few days to rest… I insist.” The last words were spoken more like an order than a suggestion, but the hedgehog still found himself gawking at the man, stunned by the sudden kind offer, completely out of character for Commander Tower.

The man’s words hadn’t done anything to soothe Shadow’s growing worry, but nonetheless the hedgehog wasn’t one to complain about having to come here less, and so he accepted the paid leave and hurried out of the building (he obviously wasn’t scared, just being careful).

As he quickly not-ran away from G.U.N. headquarters, he couldn’t shake the weird feeling that had settled deep in his bones the moment he had seen the Commander’s face.

Shadow had never heard of a G.U.N. employee getting paid leave for absolutely no reason, or at least not one as idiotic as ‘feeling weak,’ so his current predicament was nothing short of peculiar, making him worry that he should've, in fact, checked the gift horse in the mouth, maybe look for a couple of Greek soldiers too (or at least that’s what he would’ve thought, had he read the Odyssey).

A loud ringing interrupted his reflections for the third time that day, which brought the hedgehog to briefly consider giving up the comfort of the modern world to go live in a cave.
He checked his phone, groaning in annoyance at the caller. What Rouge would want from him at this hour of the day (lunchtime time, to be precise) was beyond him, so when he swiped up to accept the call he consciously decided to ignore any greeting and get right to the point.

“What do you want,” he barked into the phone, probably more aggressive than Rouge deserved.

The bat didn’t pay it any mind though, choosing not to be a nuisance today and skipping any useless rambling that was usual routine for her calls, probably sensing that Shadow wasn’t exactly in the mood for her constant chatter.

“I wanted to see if you’d like to get lunch together,” she began, “maybe at the mall?” Her voice was soft to the hedgehog’s ears, and Shadow could just feel the puppy eyes she was giving him through the screen.
After a few seconds of thinking, he realized that he’d rather not be alone right now, so he agreed, and they set up an hour and a place.

When Shadow left his apartment to go have lunch at the mall, the sky was already starting to turn grey.
The wind was picking up, carrying the smell of fresh rain over the city, with a promise to wash away the polluted air that veiled every corner of the streets.
The hedgehog paid this change in weather no mind, omitting the umbrella that sat innocently next to his door, almost like an omen of the events that would soon follow, but we’re getting too far ahead of ourselves.

He made the quick choice of running to the mall, figuring it'd save him from the traffic that usually formed at that hour, and took off.

Rouge was already waiting outside when Shadow arrived, and if he had to guess, observing the two paper bags she was holding, he'd say she had been here for a while when she called, probably bored of roaming the mall by herself and needing company.

He stopped in front of her just as she noticed his arrival, extending her a nod as she grinned.
“There you are! And I thought you'd be late; would’ve been pretty embarrassing for ‘The Ultimate Lifeform’” she teased, leaning in as she looked down at him.

Shadow gave her an unimpressed look, raising one eyebrow in her direction in skepticism.
“Tsk, don't act like you weren't already here,” he scoffed, looking away as he extended one hand “give them to me.”

Rouge’s smirk softened slightly at his actions, handing him the small bags, her appreciation clear on her face.

Shadow gave a little hmph!, his muzzle reddening as he took them from her, before crossing his arms, eyeing the entrance of the mall almost eagerly.

“So, shall we go eat?” he questioned, already starting to feel the hunger gnaw at his stomach, his shoe tapping on the ground impatiently.

Rouge nodded, turning and making her way to the glass sliding doors, not waiting for Shadow since she already knew he would follow without much protest, not one to take the lead when choosing a place to eat.

The lunch was pretty uneventful in Shadow’s humble opinion, Rouge doing most of the talking as the hedgehog devoured his sandwich (he had evidently missed breakfast in his confused state that morning), only stopping to add his two cents to the bat’s gossip or trying to convince her to drop that Knuckles dude, which was routinely answered with a roll of her eyes and a comment about how he ‘didn’t get true love’, which was a completely wrong and unfounded judgment in Shadow’s eyes.

Seriously, what did she even see in him? He was everything that Shadow found frustrating in a person, his only good quality being his determination to win.
Even Sonic would probably be a better companion than the red echidna. Sure, he was always bothering him on purpose, but he was kind, too, and caring. Shadow saw it in the way he interacted with his friends.

The way he always checked that they hadn’t been hurt in fights, sometimes getting distracted and resulting in him getting hit instead, or how he always made little sacrifices for them, both in and out of battle.
They didn’t notice, but Shadow did. Of course he did; he noticed every time, and excuse him for dreaming, but sometimes, when he was particularly tired or down, he wished Sonic would treat him like that too…

But these thoughts weren’t appropriate for the middle of the day; better entertained in the darkness of his room, where the silence could allow him to fantasize about a world where he didn’t feel so out of place.
So, he kept that to himself, maybe a bit ashamed by the vulnerability of it all.

And by the end of the lunch, Rouge had made him accept that maybe he didn’t like Knuckles because he didn’t know him further than a couple of exchanged punches here and there.

The two spent the rest of the afternoon roaming the shops, Rouge insisting that Shadow try on every jacket she could find, efficiently making them waste as much time as she could. Especially because the hedgehog exited every single shop without said jackets, refusing to buy something he already owned and rarely wore.

On the contrary, Rouge left every shop at least a couple of dollars poorer, to the point that Shadow had considered offering to pay something out of pure concern that his friend would buy herself into bankruptcy but was quickly waved off as she extended her card to the umpteenth cashier of the day, clearly summoning money out of thin air, that being the only explanation the hedgehog could give to the overspending.

By the end of the afternoon Shadow had ended the outing simply to save Rouge from ending up in debt to a random clothing shop in the mall, dragging her away from the shopping area and quite forcefully sending her home, making her promise to keep herself away from the place for at least for a couple of months (an empty promise, but requested nonetheless).

That’s how he ended up alone, slowly making his way towards the glass doors that would free him from this rotten place, tired out of his mind.

His relief at being able to go home though was quickly shattered by the sounds his ears were picking up from outside.

Rain, heavily hitting the cement. He hadn’t brought an umbrella.

He couldn’t even get mad as he stared out at the road, his ears pinned to his head as he stood there, slumping in defeat as the sound of the rain picking up mocked his poor planning.

Not only that, but he had seen the umbrella when he left earlier today, and he had decided not to take it.
Shadow wanted to die.
Despite how he prided himself on being the smartest in his group of acquaintances, this had been extremely stupid of him, so much so that he was starting to reconsider his earlier judgment of his person.

Maybe he deserved to get soaked; he shouldn’t even run home, he should just walk slowly and let himself experience the full rainstorm. Fucking idiot.

Stuck in his self-deprecating musings, Shadow failed to notice the presence slowly making itself known next to him, not until he saw the rim of an umbrella peeking out from the top of his line of vision.

Shadow turned sharply towards the person next to him, surprise coating his features as he saw exactly who was standing on his right.

Sonic gave him a small grin, an unexpected gentleness in his expression softening his sharp green eyes as he eyed the dark hedgehog fondly.
His arm was outstretched, his offering being a dark blue umbrella, already open over the two.

“Hi Shads, need a hand?” His tone lacked the usual mocking edge that always sent the irritable hedgehog into a fit of rage, and this fact was anything but lost on the latter, who was eyeing the offering with caution.

“Won’t you need this?” Maybe it was the tiring and honestly confusing day catching up to him, but Shadow didn’t feel like extending any kind of insults to his rival, content to just voice his uneasiness at the kind gesture.

“I live closer to the mall than you, and since I'm also faster—” He winked, Shadow deciding to let the teasing comment slide “I’ll get less wet.”

The dark-furred hedgehog kept his eyes trained on the other’s face, trying to decipher the strange behavior.
But was it really that unusual? He had just admitted that Sonic was particularly kind (especially to his friends), so wasn’t this just another manifestation of that?
The thought that Sonic would rather face the rain himself than let Shadow face the consequences of his own actions left the latter with a concerning warmth spreading through his chest, making him feel rather out of place.

“... Thanks,” Shadow found himself mumbling, reaching out a hand to grasp the small wooden handle of the umbrella, dangerously close to taking Sonic’s hand too, their gloved fingers brushing against each other.

The dark hedgehog shivered, quickly attributing it to the cold wind rising with the storm, and as Sonic’s hand pulled away, he had to stop himself from whining like a loser, which he clearly was not.

The blue hero nodded, giving him another smile as he stepped back, his eyes sparkling even in the dark weather, the light blocked by the countless clouds littered in the sky.
“Don’t even mention it.”

Shadow briefly found himself thinking that green might be his favourite color, in a totally random and not-connected-to-this-whatsoever way, before gripping the umbrella tighter and nodding back hesitantly.

“I’ll text you where to bring it later,”
“You have my number??”
“Bye Shads!!”
The hero was gone before Shadow could interrogate him on how he had gotten hold of his number, leaving behind an electric blue trail that was particularly bright in the grey weather.

Shadow sighed softly before starting the slow walk that would bring him back to his place, unable to run if he wanted the umbrella to actually work.

“HEY!! Can you bring the umbrella at the bar ‘Spirit’ on Tuesday 10pm? Thanks, I’ll text you the address later :)”

Chapter Text

The first thing Shadow did when he got home was glare viciously at his umbrella sitting next to the door, blaming it fully for the position he had just been put in.

Not only was Shadow now in debt to Sonic for the favour, but the latter hadn’t even made fun of him like usual, which brought the dark hedgehog to realise that Sonic had felt pity for him.
Clearly the hero thought he was too weak to handle a couple of taunts, having left the dark hedgehog with only one, very weak, insult.
This was more than a problem for Shadow, and it was vastly more insulting than whatever Sonic could’ve thrown his way.

Shadow the Hedgehog wasn’t weak, not in any way that mattered anyway.
Even just the thought that Sonic would feel something as humiliating as pity for him made his stomach twist in discomfort, almost painfully, or maybe that was his chest burning in shame.
Either way, it hurt his pride greatly.

With his ears pinned back, he carefully set Sonic’s umbrella next to his as a reminder for when he’d have to give it back and made his way towards the kitchen.

Reaching for one of the taller cabinets that he rarely opened, Shadow grabbed an old kettle. The paint had started to peel in various places, and it had been damaged by a couple of blows that Shadow wasn’t sure when it had suffered, seeing as he had brought it out only a handful of times since he had bought it years ago.

Initially intending to make some tea or chamomile, anything that would calm his troubled stomach, he instead found himself slumping on one of the chairs at his dining table, the item mindlessly set down on the floor next to his shoes.

His mind was plagued with images of a certain blue hedgehog, once again reminiscing on the softness that had been occupying his eyes lately, deeply upset at his complete change in attitude.

Shadow’s interpretation was definitely the most logical one. The way pity had fully enveloped Sonic’s idea of him greatly compelled him to buy a shovel and dig his own grave, maybe in the hills outside the city; that’d be nice…

He had to find a solution, and fast; it was essential for Shadow to prove to the hero that he was not a frail and vulnerable person and that his sympathy wasn’t wanted (deserved). He needed Sonic to see him for what he truly was, a miserable asshole who had earned the way others avoided him by committing acts that made him anything but weak.

Shadow had long lost the ability to be kind, to help simply because he could, to be cared about in a way that didn’t end with his forehead kissing the barrel of a gun (it was wild how many times he had survived something like that).
Being perceived as anything but a nuisance wasn’t in the cards for the hedgehog, and he was glad about it, saving him from the inconvenience that was connecting with someone just for them to be torn away.

Because sure, Sonic thinking that he needed pity was annoying, but more importantly, that put the hero in danger.

Caring for Shadow was dangerous.

And not worth the loss that would soon follow like a curse, misery hunting down anyone that dared to regard the dark hedgehog with fondness, keen on punishing them for such a sin.

And Shadow? He despised the idea of Sonic getting hurt. In whatever way rivals could care for each other, Shadow did fully and wholeheartedly.

He was too selfish to pull away completely, though, and that always hung over him like a taunt, a promise that if he went too far, if he ever surpassed that unseen and unspoken boundary, Sonic would be the one to pay the price.

His chest burned, he noted briefly as he gripped his head desperately, the pounding in his head strong enough to convince him that he was going to end up headless if he didn’t fix this right now.

Distantly, muffled by the sound of his blood rushing through his veins, Shadow could hear a familiar buzz coming from the phone sitting in his quills.
The distraction caused by the vibrations was short-lived though, since the text had been from the very source of Shadow’s every problem.

How Sonic had found his number was beyond him, but he suspected that a certain bat had played a part in this, always eager to make Shadow’s week just a bit harder.

The phone in his hand trembled as he stared at the notification, serving as another reminder that he was failing at keeping the blue hedgehog at arm’s length.

The text was surprisingly and disappointingly tame, no insults, no jokes, way too friendly, and ended with a stupid smiley face that was so Sonic in a way that Shadow never thought he’d experience outside of observing the hero with his friends.

The dark hedgehog, grumbling something under his breath, set the phone down on his table and pushed himself off the chair, eager to get away from the incriminating text.

He walked towards his bathroom, massaging his temples with his fingers, but stopped dead in his tracks as he remembered that he had already tried to look for some medicine earlier that morning and failed.

Groaning loudly, he opted for going to his bedroom instead, and lying down on his soft bed (that he never would’ve left had he known what he'd have to face that day), he promised himself that he'd text Rouge to bring him medicine first thing in the morning.

Sonic was quick to send him the address of the place he wanted to meet at.
Quick enough for Shadow to look it up and find out that the same night his now favourite band would be playing there.

This did nothing but reinforce Shadow’s theory that Sonic was a fan too and would clearly be attending the show, which brought the dark hedgehog to reconsider if he should even bother trying to see the performance.

The chances that Sonic would find him in the crowd were far too high for his liking, considering that the blue hedgehog had proved time and time again that he could easily find Shadow wherever he went, even in the middle of nowhere. So finding him in a bar would be child's play to Sonic.

Nonetheless, Shadow bought a ticket anyway (this was the first time he had ever had to pay to see them, but he wasn’t one to complain about these things) and started planning his next few days around this event.

Not around meeting Sonic— that meant nothing to him, and he wanted to make that clear; that was only a minor detail that absolutely did not make him yearn for the days to pass faster.

Considering his temporary time off work that he had so kindly been forced into, Shadow was practically stuck at home.
Unwilling to go out and face the possibility of having to meet people, specifically an annoying blue hedgehog, he had resorted to finishing his book and listening through his whole collection of vinyls (which Rouge had made fun of for years until they had finally started to be considered “aesthetic” again, whatever that meant).

This, unfortunately for him, meant that he had all the time in the world to think.
He couldn’t avoid the treacherous thoughts that seemed to hide in every corner of his mind, ready to ambush him every time he got bored with one of his chosen distractions.

And to make matters worse, he had started to notice every pop of green and blue in his apartment that he had so naively decorated with long before this problem had started.

His plants glimmered in the sun like kind emerald eyes, and a navy blue vinyl (his favourite too) spun in his record player, catching his eye from time to time and forcing him to picture his rival in ways far too soft that defied the very nature of their relationship.

Shadow was basically stuck in a constant loop of fighting fantasies of his blue nuisance and summoning them just by looking around his place, as if it had been purposefully decorated with Sonic’s colors to keep him as close as possible without actually inviting him over.

Shadow labeled this as his personal hell, fully aware that if Rouge knew she’d find it hilarious.

However, he refused to leave his apartment and maybe take a walk in the park like a normal person, so he sucked it up and waited the full three days until Tuesday.

Soon, Shadow found himself getting ready for the show (not Sonic), putting his eyeliner on with practiced ease and slipping on a random leather jacket (totally not important to him) that Rouge had forced him to buy years prior, somehow convinced that random spending would fix his numerous issues.

He could’ve lied and said he wasn’t excited, but there was no one to lie to, and so he didn’t bother with that.
His leg bounced up and down incessantly as he sat on the couch, unintentionally too early as he had finished getting ready half an hour before he actually had to leave.

Sonic had texted to meet him at 10, an hour before the show would start, so that left Shadow with plenty of time to find a place to hide in the crowd so that the blue hedgehog wouldn’t see him.

That small reassurance worked wonders on the dark hedgehog, completely convinced that he could succeed.
So when the time came to leave, he firmly grabbed Sonic’s umbrella and started making his way towards the bar, deciding to ditch his bike for a good run.

The nights were getting colder, Shadow noted absently as he ran.
It wouldn’t be a problem for him, he could stand it, but he was still glad he had grabbed the jacket, helping him fit in with all the mobians sporting sweaters and coats in the now-autumn weather.

The leaves were starting to fall, littering the ground and subsequently getting crushed under Shadow’s shoes, the noise joining the other sounds of the night.

The streets weren’t exactly bustling with life, seeing as it was almost the middle of a work week and very, very cold, but the few mobians that dared challenge the gelid outdoors all seemed to have wrapped up pretty well, soft scarves and coats with their collars pulled up hiding the faces of those who walked past Shadow, making him feel surprisingly lonely.

He briefly wondered if Sonic had been smart enough to remember a coat, but he knew that was simply wishful thinking with the blue hedgehog.

Waving the thought away, he slowed down his steps, concentrating on finding the bar and the aforementioned idiot.

Shadow looked around, watchful eyes searching through the various signs for the chosen meeting spot, but his search was quickly coming up short.

The hedgehog’s scouring was rudely interrupted by a short buzz, his phone lighting up as he picked it out of his quills to look at the notification.

Sonic had texted him.

“I see you ;)” weirdo.

“To your right,” maybe it wasn’t too late to go back home.

Sure enough, when Shadow turned to his right, his eyes caught a glimpse of blue that made his heart skip a beat, which was really worrying and told him he’d need to call a doctor soon.

Sonic was grinning at him, waving his hand in the air like an idiot in an attempt to catch his attention, not that he needed to put that much effort in; he was hard to miss with his bright blue fur and emerald eyes that glimmered from a mile away.

What Shadow noticed right after almost made him snort in disbelief.
Like he had predicted, Sonic was a fool, more precisely, a fool without a jacket in hedgehog-icicle-making weather.

The dark-furred hedgehog made his way towards the hero, reaching him immediately as he had almost run there (for no notable reason whatsoever).

“Shads! I thought you’d stand me up,” Sonic grinned, raising one eyebrow towards Shadow as he stood with his hands on his hips.

“Y'know usually people answer texts when planning to meet up,” he grumbled, feigning exasperation, crossing his arms over his chest.
“I almost thought you were a no-show.”

“I didn’t feel like it.”

Sonic sputtered in disbelief, before huffing and giving a small shrug, his breath creating little clouds in the cold air.
“Y’know what? Fair, I don’t know what I was expecting.”

Shadow scoffed, rolling his eyes as he handed over the reason for their meeting.
The blue umbrella sat in his gloved hand, properly closed and put back in its casing that the dark hedgehog was surprised Sonic had been able to not misplace the moment he had bought the thing.

“Here, take it” he snapped, looking impatiently at the other as he stared dumbly at the umbrella.

Sonic brought his eyes on the object, looking almost disappointed as he eyed it silently.

Evidently, his sulking was taking too long and upsetting Shadow, because soon after the hero found himself gripping the umbrella as the grumpy hedgehog showed it in his hands, glaring at him as if Sonic had personally offended the other.

“Uhm… Thanks, Shadow.” Sonic spat out uncertainly.

The conversation rapidly fizzled out, leaving the two in awkward silence as they both wondered about what to say next, their eyes kept strictly off each other.

But as Shadow unwillingly brought his eyes to the other, he couldn’t help but notice the small trembles racking Sonic’s body, the latter standing tense to try to suppress them.

He couldn’t imagine what it was like standing in this freezing weather without any protection, and even though it was completely Sonic’s fault for being such a moron, he still found himself feeling bad for the other, something protective growing in his chest at the pitiful sight.

His thoughts wandered to his own jacket, which he clearly didn’t need as much, his hand gripping the leather over his stomach.

It would be extremely weird of him to do something so out of character and would maybe raise some questions he wasn’t sure he could even answer, but wouldn’t this technically count as repaying the favour?
Sonic had given him his umbrella right before facing a thunderstorm for him; he could easily give up his jacket for a night (or two, he didn’t mind) to get rid of a debt.

Although he had initially hesitated, his doubts about the action immediately faded as he remembered a vital piece of information.

Sonic hated water. Sonic hated water and had gotten absolutely drenched for him.
Well fuck, he had to do it now.

A soft sigh escaped Shadow’s lips, capturing the hero’s attention with surprising ease. He slipped his jacket off his shoulders, letting it fall off his arms smoothly, before offering it to the blue hedgehog, his eyes strictly locked on the floor as his muzzle grew red with embarrassment.

His restraint was short-lived, though, his eyes once again slipping on Sonic’s form in curiosity.

The other’s face freely expressed his stupor, wide eyes darting between the offered item and its owner as if trying to confirm if what he was seeing was in fact true or just a trick of his mind.
The surprise on Sonic’s face had completely wiped off the usual sass that occupied his features, leaving his sparkling green eyes to gaze in wonder at Shadow.
Staring back with the same fervor, a challenging glint overtook the dark hedgehog’s eyes, daring the hero to accept his offer and breach the distance between them.

Sonic raised his arm slowly, as if dealing with a wild animal, then proceeded to grasp the jacket with his hand, the leather wrinkling under his hold as he took the item off Shadow’s hands.

He brought the jacket closer, observing it with careful eyes as he ran his thumb over one of the patches that decorated the item, briefly wondering if it had been added later by his rival, his suspicion confirmed by the hand stitching that kept the small piece of fabric sewed on.

The personal touches just made Sonic feel even more impressed by Shadow’s choice to trust him with such an intimate piece of clothing, a funny feeling blooming in his chest that he found worryingly familiar, waving it away as he finally moved to put on the jacket, sliding his arms into the sleeves carefully.

“Thank you Shadow,” he hummed, giving the other a small genuine smile.

“Tsk, I'm just repaying the favour; don’t think too much about it,” Shadow scoffed, his tone not as brash as he would’ve liked, barely concealing the soft hum of contentment he released at seeing Sonic wrapped up and not shivering anymore.

“Sure, alright, see you around faker,” Sonic quipped, rolling his eyes at Shadow’s ability to ruin the moment every single time, slipping his hands in the pockets of the jacket before turning around and walking away, disappearing behind the corner of the bar.

Shadow watched him walk away, silently thanking every god he could think of that Sonic hadn’t questioned his decision to be nice for once .

He didn’t stop to think too much about why Sonic hadn’t entered the bar, assuming his deduction of the hero being a fan of the band to be wrong, instead making his way inside the pub and looking around for a place to hide from watchful eyes.

Shadow’s plan was quickly ruined by the planimetry of the bar, the establishment simply being composed of one big room with a stage at the far end opposite to the entrance.

There was nowhere he could lurk without being seen; the best he could do was stay in the back or sit on one of the barstools to his left, positioned next to the tall table where bartenders were already serving drinks.

He growled in annoyance, walking towards one of the seats; he was not about to spend a few hours just standing ominously in the back (even though that would be very in character of him).

He sat on one of the cushioned seats, soon catching the attention of a bartender. A fox with pretty blue eyes (the same electric blue that defined Sonic’s fur, Shadow noted absently) and chestnut fur, who proceeded to ask if he wanted to order anything.
Shadow nodded, and as he ordered his first drink, he got ready to wait for the start of the show.

The clock was nearing 11pm when Shadow glanced at it, getting more nervous by the second as he waited for the show to start.

The stage was covered by a dark purple curtain, hiding what was probably the band setting up their instruments if Shadow’s ears weren’t wrong, picking up shuffles and random thumps here and there.

This would be the first time that he’d be able to see who was behind those incredible songs, and even though he didn’t really care to find out, he couldn’t deny that he wasn’t at least a little bit excited.

His leg had been bouncing consistently for the last 5 minutes, his eyes darting between the dark liquid in his glass and the curtain that obscured the stage.
Keeping his hands busy by picking and fixing his gloves repeatedly, he couldn’t help but feel that his nervousness was highly unnecessary and quite excessive, making him feel stupid for even worrying.

This wasn’t a life-or-death situation; he was just at a concert. Chaos, get a grip, Shadow.

His thoughts were interrupted by someone absolutely shredding an electric guitar, signaling that his time to stress was in fact over.

He turned around, not keen on keeping his back turned on the band, but as his eyes landed on the guitarist, he froze, eyes widening in shock.

Was that Amy on the guitar? Since when is Sonic’s kind-of-maybe-girlfriend in a band? What the hell?

Shadow stared at the pink hedgehog skeptically, unsure of what to do with this newfound information.

Amy was clearly quite talented with the instrument, looking completely at ease as a couple of people from the crowd screamed in excitement, sporting a big grin on her face which was decorated with makeup and glitter.

Glitter, why did that feel familiar for him?
Ah right, Sonic had glitter on his face a couple of nights ago…

…

There’s no way. There must be another explanation. Maybe Amy had gotten it on him while they hugged or something?

But as the singer appeared on stage, joining the melody and officially starting the show, Shadow’s fears were immediately confirmed, his eyes dragging over the form of the familiar blue hedgehog in panic.

Sonic was the singer of the band.

No fucking way. No way was Sonic of all people in his favourite band.
Shadow didn’t even know he could sing, like at all, so the fact that he was absolutely incredible at it made this even worse.

Shadow’s train of thought was rudely interrupted when he noticed just how Sonic had come up on stage, his heart almost exploding out of his chest in a way that was quite worrying from a medical standpoint.

Sonic was wearing eyeliner, and not just black, but a mixture of colors that ranged between pink and orange, making his emerald eyes pop magnificently against his blue fur.
He had pink glitter under his eyes, and his lashes looked longer than they’d ever been, framing his eyes in such a delectable way that left Shadow’s mouth dry.

Moving his gaze lower, the dark hedgehog noted that Sonic was wearing fingerless gloves. He could hear his heart beating loudly in his ears, even louder than the music. Stuck staring at the almost scandalous display on Sonic’s part, he failed to notice one very big, very important detail.

Sonic was wearing his jacket, the one he had so kindly offered just an hour prior.
Shadow could do nothing to stop the purr from bubbling out his throat, luckily hidden beneath the loud noises surrounding him.
Sonic looked good, very, and he was beaming.

He was like the first star of the night, so bright against the dark sky that your eyes can’t help but admire it, shining in such a lovely way that looking away physically hurts and leaves your chest empty and aching.

No one stood a chance to shine next to him, his breathtaking voice carrying all the way over to Shadow, piercing him right through his heart, making the latter worry he might need to call an ambulance for himself.

His movements were smooth, accompanying his strong vocals in an addictive dance that kept Shadow completely entranced.
The latter wondered what he had ever done to deserve to lay his eyes upon such a stunning sight before banishing the thought away in pure fear for what it could mean.

The dark hedgehog didn’t even spare a glance at the other two members, Amy’s fingers flying swiftly over the guitar while Knuckles (now that’s a choice) fought the drums like they had personally offended everything that he held dear (surprisingly being able to stay on beat and create a nice melody).

He just couldn’t stop admiring the hero, currently giving his all to the high note of the song, dropping to his knees dramatically as he sang the climax of the song, leaving the other with full-body shivers at the intensity.

This was bad, this was so bad, this was terrible.

Shadow had to get out of here before he did something stupid.
The sight of Sonic in his jacket singing on stage was going to give him a stroke.

Although removing his eyes from Sonic felt like dooming himself to eternal damnation, making his chest hurt in protest, he had to go; he had to get as far away from here as possible.

Shadow slowly slipped down the stool, keeping his eyes on the stage to make sure he wasn’t seen by anyone, and carefully made his way outside, not allowing himself to get one last look as he was sure he’d just stop at the door, not able to leave.

When the cold air finally brushed against his fur, he let himself take a minute to reassess the situation, deeply troubled by his new discovery.

He’d never be able to go to one of their shows again; that was clear.
Being a fan of his rival’s band would be humiliating, especially since he quite enjoyed the blue hedgehog’s voice (just admitting it felt like a punch in his gut).

And, more importantly, seeing Sonic on stage had almost sent him into some kind of panic attack; that was the only thing that could explain the feeling of his heart exploding and his hands shaking profusely, so to avoid the overall discomfort this would cause, he’d have to keep his distance.

That seemed easy enough.

With Shadow’s concern being placated by the idea, he could finally start his run back home, not having to worry about flinging himself in front of a car in pure exasperation.

A few minutes later, he threw the door of his apartment open, too distracted to bother locking it behind him.

Shadow’s worries had resurfaced over the run, sending him into a panicked state that forced him to bury himself under the covers of his bed, hoping that maybe it’d be able to calm his racing mind.

Unfortunately, as he slowly drifted in and out of consciousness, the soft blankets enveloping him tightly, his thoughts were completely tainted by Sonic, the hero’s soft voice compelling him to stop fighting them as it’d only make him more upset.

After a while of trying to drown out the blue idiot from his fantasies, fatigue pulling him down against his mattress like dead weight, Shadow was able to fall asleep, the comforter pulled up to his nose, making him look like a little ball all bundled up on his bed.

When he awoke the next morning, he couldn’t remember any of the dreams that his brain had conjured up in his vulnerable state, wiped away by the waking sun that streamed through his blinds, golden rays trailing over every surface in their path.

But the sinking feeling in his gut and the emptiness that had consumed him the moment he had blearily torn open his eyes told him all he needed to know, sighing softly as he concluded that they’d all been about a certain blue nuisance.

This was going to be a problem.

Chapter Text

It had been two days since Shadow’s discovery and five since the start of his free time off work.

He had received a text earlier that day from Commander Tower, instructing him to come back to work for a new mission, so the hedgehog had immediately made his way towards G.U.N. headquarters to clock in.

Since Tuesday night, Shadow had been sulking in his apartment, his mind jumping between trying to justify his clear enjoyment of Sonic’s band and immediately shutting it down, exiling any thought about the hero with growing disgust every single time.

He hadn’t reached a conclusive point in this torment yet, and unsure if he’d ever be able to, he ended every internal discussion by distracting himself, burying himself in a book or blasting every vinyl he could tolerate (pointedly skipping the blue one every rerun) until either his ears started hurting or one of his neighbors built up enough courage to come knock on his door and complain.

This meant that Shadow had spent all of his free time wallowing in self-induced anguish, so when his phone had buzzed, the text of his commander summoning him back to work bright on the screen, Shadow had quite literally jumped up at the opportunity to get out of that miserable hole and go release some of the tension that had been building in his body for days now.

Weirdly enough, the break from work had done him some good, to a certain degree. The constant but subtle weariness that had accompanied his every movement for the last couple of years had faded, leaving his steps lighter and energised.
Shadow had never realised that the amount of work he usually dealt with had been very detrimental to his body, never able to take more than one or two days off work, as ordered by Tower. But these five days away from the office had made him remember just what he had been slowly losing for the past years.

With quick steps, he reached the entrance of G.U.N. headquarters, the sliding doors opening for him as he made his way into the lobby, officially clocking in and starting his work day.
Considering the fact that he had already been assigned a new mission, he skipped his sad and grey cubicle and immediately made his way towards Commander Tower’s office to get the information he needed, his steps echoing into the empty hallway.

The building was surprisingly empty that day, Shadow noted as he made his way up the stairs, not bothering with the elevator as he intended on enjoying his newfound energy for a little while longer.

The only person he had actually seen was the receptionist, who had kept his head low the entire time Shadow had taken to walk in and out of the room, which was pretty usual for him actually, apparently convinced that if he didn’t look at the hedgehog, he’d be spared from the eventual doomsday that Shadow was going to reign down in the building’s lobby (completely warranted but rather idiotic).

Apart from that, every employee had suddenly decided to vacate the premises and take a day off on the same date that Shadow was programmed to come back, leaving the office eerily silent.

Shadow couldn’t care less, figuring that they were just in another part of the building that his hearing didn’t reach, and silently thanked Gaia for the fact that he didn’t have to speak to anyone but the Commander.

But as he trekked up the various floors, he found that the gods weren’t quite yet done with favouring him that day, the text that he received just a few minutes later proving it. Tower had sent him all the information he needed, saving him from the last three flights of stairs separating him from his office.

Although he was quite annoyed at the waste of time that had been climbing all those stairs, he figured it was better than looking at that ugly mug for longer than he was paid for, so turning around and descending the stairs, he started preparing mentally for what he needed to do.

The mission was simple enough: break into one of Eggman’s bases and get back some important documents that the moron had stolen a few days ago.
The files were highly confidential, so much so that even Shadow couldn’t know what they contained. The only information shared was that they were about some kind of nanomachines and that they would be extremely dangerous in Eggman’s hands.

G.U.N.’s most critical files were never made into physical copies, instead deemed safer locked up into small devices that allowed very few people to access the information by scanning their fingerprints, hiding the documents behind walls and walls of code impossible to crack.
But G.U.N. couldn’t just trust that Eggman wouldn’t be able to decode it and leave him with the files, so Shadow had to go and kindly retrieve it.

At least they would’ve been easy enough to find, the hedgehog snorted as he read the text, considering that they were contained in a small metal box that glowed blue.
That was good enough for Shadow, not interested in finding out anything else since he had already moved on to thinking about destroying a couple of badniks as he passed through the base, just to be petty.

Deciding not to take any weapons because the base had been reported as vacant, Shadow inserted the coordinates in his communicator provided by G.U.N. and left his phone locked in a drawer at his cubicle.

Making his way out, he swiftly avoided the crowded streets of the city, going straight for the outskirts that met with the edge of the woods, soon fading into the trees, going deeper and deeper into the forest.

Just twenty minutes into the run, Shadow sadly noted that his weakness was resurfacing, his steps heavier on the ground. He could feel his muscles tiring, and not keen on failing another mission, he slowed down, sure that arriving a few minutes later than he first intended wouldn’t fuck up his whole plan.

Other than his typical fatigue, the run was pretty uneventful, leaving Shadow to enjoy the calm ambience of the woods undisturbed.

The chirping of birds echoed all around him, sometimes accompanied by the fast flapping of wings that told him he had scared a couple away as he ran by. The now orange leaves crunched under his shoes, leaving a trail that Shadow would’ve found worrying had he not known that he was surely alone, his hearing not picking up any alarming noises that suggested he was being followed.

The sun filtered through the remaining leaves gently, leaving golden spots of light on everything it touched and creating a shower of sunshine that let Shadow observe the small particles that floated in the air all around him.

Every few feet, an open spot in the trees would let through a vast amount of rays, briefly warming up the hedgehog as he ran by, reminding him of the warmth that had unfurled in his chest at the sight of a certain singer on stage, the feeling still haunting him days after the event, following his every step like a predator hunting his favourite prey.

As he entered deeper into the woods, his communicator telling him that he was just a few minutes away from the base, the calm ambience of the forest slowly shifted, the dense trees blocking the daylight, leaving everything dark and grey.

Shadow could feel the uneasiness creeping in, dead silence settling heavy over the woods, the absence of any sign of fauna revealing the closeness of Robotnik’s base, his influence clear in the suffocating atmosphere surrounding the place.

Almost on instinct, Shadow slowed his steps, purposefully keeping them light and away from any material that could easily snap under him, creating unwanted noise that would surely resonate through the forest.

The small red point on the map told him he was near the base, his little icon flashing right next to it.
The hedgehog started looking around, careful eyes scanning every crevice of the surrounding area, looking for any sign that would point him to the entrance of the lair.

Considering the obvious absence of any kind of elevated structure that could house the base, the flat terrain of the woods extending for miles in every direction, it had to be located underground.

Shadow brought his relentless search to the grass beneath him, seeking to find any irregularities that would suggest a secret opening.

The fallen leaves made the task more difficult than needed, hiding most of the ground, but after a few minutes of moving them around with his shoes, Shadow’s eyes caught sight of something weird.
A few feet away from his current position, the grass appeared greener than the yellowing earth beneath him, a few blades slipping past the orange leaves undisturbed.

That patch of grass had been added later than the rest, probably after someone had dug a hole in the ground for his ‘secret evil lair’.

Well, he had found the entrance; now he just had to open it.

On one hand, he could try to figure out how to hack the system and unlock it with his communicator, which was definitely the boring route but wouldn’t immediately alert Eggman that the base had been breached.

On the other hand— he bent down to knock on the grass with two fingers, a muffled metal clang resounding under the ground. Hard to pick up without super hearing, but luckily for Shadow, he wasn’t troubled by such a deficiency; the noise let him know the door wasn’t particularly thick— he could smash it up and blame it on Sonic.

The second choice sounded much more fun and time-efficient, and so, with the decision made, Shadow stepped back a couple of feet to gain momentum, crouching down like he would in a race.

A few seconds later, a new hole had been added to the ground, bent metal and wires sticking out the only evidence of the presence of a secret passage, together with the giant tunnel greatly resembling a void going down approximately fifty feet below the surface, where Shadow was currently trying to regain his balance from the fall.

Holding his aching head in one hand, he groaned in pain, having fallen headfirst onto the metal ground. He stood on weary legs, keeping himself up thanks to his other hand gripping the wall.

Shadow blinked slowly, looking at his surroundings in curiosity. On his right, metal walls formed a corridor going deep in the earth, lit up by the red flashing lights that indicated the alarm had been set off.

He had to find the documents fast, and seeing that the corridor was the only way to go, he sped off towards its end, avoiding any badniks coming his way as he was still too messed up from the fall to fight. Promptly zipping past them, he reached the door at the end of the tunnel, bursting past it and probably into the main room of the base, if the power generator sitting in the middle was anything to go by.

The placement was extremely cliché, but Shadow wasn’t going to waste time on judging the decor choices, so he kept going, immediately moving to the next room after confirming that no documents were being held in the space.

When the hedgehog entered the following room, he was met with scraps of metal messily lying around, half-finished badniks thrown carelessly on the floor, accompanied by destroyed projects.
Probably Sonic’s work, considering the very telling shape of the hits, rounded and perfectly sized to accommodate a spinning blue ball.

The whole place looked like a tech graveyard, little sparks of light emitting from broken wires and catching Shadow’s eye in the red hue of the base. Eager to abandon the oppressive feeling that emanated from the room, Shadow kept going, moving through the next door.

Met with another corridor, this one smaller and littered with doors, the dark hedgehog growled in frustration, clenching his fists tightly.
He’d never be able to find the documents if he kept wandering around like a fool; he needed to focus, which was becoming harder by the second as the cry of the alarm grew in intensity and the red lights kept flashing on and off in a dizzying rhythm.

In the midst of chaos, Shadow made a plan.

Since he simply didn’t have the time to explore every room, he’d have to assess if it contained the files just by looking through the door, sparing no time to enter it if it didn’t look promising.
He’d have to look out for the little light emitted by the box, the blue painstakingly obvious against the dark red background, especially thanks to his recent affinity to the color, so hopefully he’d be able to leave this place before Robotnik showed up.

Shadow hurried down the hall, kicking every door open and swiftly examining the interior, searching for the familiar pop of color that would give away the files’ position.

The first four doors bore no fruit, filled with useless crap, but when his shoe made contact with the fifth door, sending it flying inside, a soft blue glow at the far end caught his eye.

Sitting on a messy desk, the item was hidden by a couple of scraps littered around it, the only proof of its presence being the light emanating from the small blue lines covering its whole surface.

Shadow walked impatiently towards it, throwing aside the random objects blocking his view of the box, letting them fall to the floor carelessly, the clang of metal on metal hidden under the constant sirens of the alarm.
He grabbed the box with one hand, the item resting innocently in his palm, light painting his white glove blue.

With no time to waste, Shadow shoved the item in his quills, making a move to run back towards the entrance he had created.
After a few minutes and a handful of encounters with Eggman’s badniks, which all ended with robot scraps thrown around the floor, he reached the exit of the base.
Well, the exit was fifty feet high right over him, but he was close.

Shadow knew what he had to do to reach the opening; he just hoped he had enough energy left in him to accomplish it, or he’d be stuck down there until either Eggman or Rouge found him. Either way he’d be humiliated enough to try to kill himself on the spot.

Running backwards and away from the wall, stopping after a couple of feet, he prepared himself to run up the tunnel, crouching down like how he had done to create the opening in the first place.

Trying to tune out the blaring siren that was still going on in the distance, Shadow took in a deep breath, focusing all of his energy on getting out of there.

With a flash of red that joined the light of the alarm, the hedgehog was gone, running at top speed towards the dead end of the hall.

Nearing the wall, just a hairbreadth away from smashing his face into it with such force that it would leave him so terribly disfigured he’d never be recognized even by his creators, his feet made contact with the wall, sending him flying over it and towards the hole at the top, where he could see the orange leaves on the trees dancing gently with the wind, as if they were reminders of his imminent freedom were he to succeed.

With his shoes pounding against the metal wall, he rapidly made his way up the tall tunnel, just a few moments away from the opening. Shadow could feel his legs burn from the strain, the blood rushing in his ears resembling screams of protest.

But chaos he felt alive, like he hadn’t in years now.

This was almost as good as fighting Sonic; his body felt terrible, and he was sure it was going to give out any minute now, but the pain meant he was there and he was living, which was better than any restful evening he could ever experience.

Just two feet away from where he’d have to jump now, and his legs felt like they were slowly disintegrating from the inside out, as if his bones were shattering in a thousand pieces.

Shadow’s mind slowed for a second, bringing him away from his current situation to obsess over one simple fact.

Years ago this would’ve been easy. Years ago his body would’ve been just fine running up a wall.

Because he’s The Ultimate Lifeform, and weakness wasn’t programmed in him. Sonic could’ve done this in half the time and effort, and Shadow knew if the hero could do it, then so could he.

So why couldn’t he now? What had changed?...

His legs gave out under him.

In one last attempt to save himself from plunging to the floor again, he pushed up and jumped.

Shadow’s arm was outstretched, hand reaching for the edge of the hole.
Time seemed to have slowed down; that’s all he could think about as he seared through the air.

His fur was illuminated by the cold light filtering through the gap, eyes shining red in the dark void that was the tunnel. His usual scowl was completely wiped off by the growing anticipation in his body as he almost floated through the air, creating a picture worthy of the walls of the Sistine Chapel, painting Shadow in a far holier light than what he would’ve preserved for himself had he had the chance of choosing.

After a few agonizing seconds, the hedgehog had managed to convince himself that he was surely going to plummet down to his almost-death, where multiple badniks currently waited for his failure. Their shiny dead eyes mechanically trained on his form, resembling dozens of eager piranhas ready to hungrily tear his flesh apart.

Fortunately, Shadow’s fears were rapidly proven false as his fingers brushed against metal, relief flooding his aching body like a cool breeze. His mind briefly wandered to the soft curvature of the hills just outside the city, the bright green gazing at him with adoration mirrored in his own scarlet eyes, eliciting soft touches foreign to the dark hedgehog’s repertoire of motions.

Maybe he wasn’t thinking about the hills anymore, but he digressed.

Shadow’s hand gripped the edge of the entrance firmly, the jagged metal digging into his gloves painfully as he dangled freely in the air.
He brought his other hand up to grasp the metal, hoisting himself upwards with great effort.

As his knees met the cold ground of the woods, he released the breath he had subconsciously locked up in his lungs, his body shaking from the adrenaline.

Having taken a moment to calm his nerves, the hedgehog pushed himself to his feet. He wouldn’t be able to rest safely until he was far away from there, so he took off in a random direction and ran.

The last of the adrenaline let him survive the scorching pain coming from his legs, his run proceeding uninterrupted until he was far enough to stop without having to worry about a horde of badniks avenging their fallen comrades he had left behind at the lair.

Shadow crashed towards the ground, his knees and hands digging into the mud as he held himself up to the best of his ability, his arms shaking under the weight while his fingers gripped the grass as if it could save him from falling face first into the floor, dirtying up his white gloves, specks of brown staining the material.

He couldn’t understand if he was weaker than usual or if he just wasn’t used to feeling like this anymore after the break from work had briefly given him his strength back. Either way, Shadow knew he was about to crash, dozens of alarms going off in his body as it tried to warn him of its imminent fate.

In the back of his mind, Shadow knew this wasn’t typical for him; however tired he could get from G.U.N.’s missions, he would never reach these levels of fragility normally; it was physically impossible for him to be this frail.

The idea concerningly entertained the small part of Shadow’s brain that strictly believed there was always something wrong with him, unable to accredit this to something outside of his control and cleanse him of responsibility for once in a while, choosing instead to bound every problem to his back like a punishment for his hubris of simply being born, obligating him to carry the weight up the mountain that was his miserable life.
He had been created wrong. And it was his fault.

Although he would’ve liked to wonder further about his sins and deteriorating physical health, those thoughts brought nothing but panic to his already precarious situation, so he couldn’t indulge them further than what he had already done.

Shadow’s breathing was shallow, forcing him to ditch his nostrils to try to take in bigger breaths with his mouth; he felt as if the oxygen was evading his lungs spitefully, sending his already anxious brain into overdrive.

He quietly wondered if he was dying, but finding that notion ridiculous, he shook it away, irritated.

Shadow knew what he had to do; he couldn’t get out of the forest alone, he needed—
This was going to be so embarrassing.
He needed help. Shadow the Hedgehog needed help.

The hedgehog brought one trembling hand to his communicator, shortly rendering himself unstable with only one arm to support his weight, and searched for Rouge’s number, his shaking hand accidentally pressing a few wrong buttons and making the process longer than necessary.

The phone rang three times before the bat deigned him worthy of an answer, her sultry voice reaching his tired ears like a blessing.

“What is it dear?” Rouge asked casually, her attention probably divided between the call and something else entirely.
The hedgehog could imagine her doing her nails, the phone squished between her shoulder and ear in an attempt to keep it upright, her careful hands avoiding smudging the nail polish with practiced ease.

He forced the image away, not keen on wasting any more time he didn’t have.

As Shadow went to answer, he found he had lost his voice, unable to force out the simple sentence that would take him far away from this cursed place.
He wasn’t quite sure why, if from the fatigue weighing down his bones or the shame burning in his chest, but he couldn’t do it.

“Shadow?...” Rouge sounded more attentive now, a hint of worry tainting her soft voice.

He could do it; he just had to say it, and it’d be over. He could deal with her ridicule later, when he was safe.
“I need—”

“Shadow, what’s wrong?” The hedgehog could hear shuffling on the other side of the call, revealing that Rouge had probably gotten up or stopped whatever she was doing to give him her full, undivided attention.

“...help,” he breathed out the word like a secret, humiliated, unsure if the bat had even heard him, his voice evading him as if embarrassed of being associated with that word.

“Shadow—” Rouge cut herself off, her panicked voice quavering, before forcibly regaining her composure. “Where are you?”

Shadow’s eyelids felt heavy, heavier than the silence that had settled between the two friends. He wouldn’t be able to stay awake for much longer, so in one last-ditch effort to help himself, he brought a trembling finger up to the screen of his communicator, sending Rouge his coordinates, before proceeding to leave the call without another word.

Chapter Text

The sun had long since retreated when Shadow first felt his mind reawaken, leaving the moon to reign over the sky as sole ruler, the stars the only witnesses of her grace.

Sleep eluded him, his eyes no longer bound by the heaviness that had sealed them just a few hours earlier. Slipping through his fingers like sand, a soft voice that spoke of care allowed only in his most shameful fantasies, the sensation of silky fur meeting his bare hands fading regretfully, leaving the hedgehog with wishes of reuniting, once the second setting of the sun brought on a new night, with his hidden companion.

The gentle dreams left only a bitter taste in his mouth, his stomach twisting almost painfully, appalled at the beloved subject of his sleeping mind.

Shadow couldn’t escape him, not when he was so fast, seeping into his brain the moment the former let his guard down, defenses retreated.

His eyes opened slowly, the warm, mellow light emitted from a lovely little lamp on his left coaxing them to look around the room.
Against his back, soft cushions let him lie comfortably, a woolen blanket wrapped around him firmly, revealing the fondness with which the person who had tucked him in had made sure Shadow would rest pleasantly.

A sweet, familiar scent clung to the very air of the place, intruding Shadow’s nose and revealing exactly who had taken such care of him.
Since his mind was far behind on catching up to him, the hedgehog wasn’t quite sure why he had been sleeping on Rouge’s couch.

Disturbed by the substantial lack of information, his brain going blank every time he tried to recall any event from the past few hours, he went back to observing the surrounding space, looking for the bat that would be able to solve this mystery for him.

Rouge’s apartment was nice and spacious, located in the centre of the city. At walking distance from every entertainment she could desire, it was the perfect place for a bat of her calibre.

Tastefully decorated, the apartment could rival the most expensive hotels around, everything meticulously placed to create a harmonious living space, the bat’s personal belongings adding to the elegant atmosphere instead of seeming out of place.

Pictures of friends (many of Shadow himself, stealthily taken while he was distracted) were framed with gilded wood, carvings adding depth to the frames. Small pieces of furniture that had been gifted without taking Rouge’s taste for decor into consideration were seamlessly incorporated into the space, seemingly appreciated nonetheless by the bat.
Even the shoes left by the door or coats hanging near the entrance fit, contributing to the lived-in feeling that the home possessed, saving it from looking like an IKEA room set.

Shadow’s eyes moved again, coming to rest on the velvet armchair near the end of the couch. Rouge’s familiar silhouette was stretched comfortably over it, resting her legs and head on either arm, the chair big enough to accommodate her sleeping form.

He observed her attentively, his waking mind slowly reconnecting with his earlier memories of the day.

Right, he had been on a mission for G.U.N. to retrieve some documents and had gotten so exhausted that he had been forced to call Rouge to come help him.

Shadow remembered the call vividly, and with it the humiliation that had almost suffocated him, silencing his words to mere whispers.
He took in her appearance, her features gently lit by the golden light of the lamp.
Her fur was slightly tangled, her usual bodysuit ditched in favour of more comfortable clothes, probably the PJs set that she had bought a week ago at the mall, Shadow thought.
A worried expression was etched on her face, furrowed brows that betrayed the effect that Shadow’s sudden collapse had had on her.
Curiously, looking at the ungloved hands that rested on her stomach, Shadow noted that her nail polish was smudged, confirming the image he had conjured up earlier.
She really had been doing her nails when he called.
He felt a little bad for interrupting her, guiltily staring at the ruined polish that she hadn’t even been able to take off, too preoccupied with taking care of him.

Shadow’s thoughts halted as Rouge stirred in her sleep, her eyes squeezed shut as she stretched in the armchair, making for quite an amusing sight, her usual decorum thrown out the window when around him.

Teal eyes settled tiredly on Shadow before widening as the bat took in the very-much-awake-and-not-dead hedgehog on her couch.
Pushing herself up from the chair, she rapidly made her way to his side, relief clear in the way her expression relaxed, the wrinkles in between her brows smoothing over.

“Shadow!! Oh thank Gaia you’re awake!” she gushed, her arms wrapping around him in a tight hug. “I thought I'd have to report your death to G.U.N.; do you know how much paperwork that would’ve been?”
Aiming to ease the tension with a joke, her attempt fell flat when Shadow regarded her with a tired look, the somber expression in his eyes momentarily waning her joy.

“What’s wrong?...” Rouge sounded so defeated; it deeply hurt the hedgehog to be the reason for her discomfort, but he was convinced he’d go crazy if he didn’t share his worries with anyone, and who else would listen to him if not his best friend?

“I think…” Shadow tried to swallow the knot in his throat, but, unsuccessful, he found himself forced to keep going, “There's something wrong with me.”

The confession settled heavily on the room, the silence suffocating any explanation Shadow would’ve liked to follow with. Rouge eyed her friend, distress openly displayed on her face while she contemplated the best course of action to stop him from closing in again too soon.

“What do you mean?” The bat cautioned, fixing him with a look tinted with curiosity, worry gnawing at her chest as the hedgehog in front of her kept his eyes firmly locked on his hands in his lap.
“I’m so tired, Rouge…” Shadow sighed, wrapping his arms around himself bitterly.
“I feel weak, unnaturally so— it's freaking me out.”

“Maybe you’re overworking yourself,” Rouge offered, keen on comforting the hedgehog in front of her. “You're always on missions; it’s like you’re allergic to taking breaks,” she chuckled to herself before bringing her attention back to Shadow.

“I’m sure you’ll be fine; you always are.” She smiled, extending one arm towards the hedgehog, intending to rest it on his arm to comfort him. Rouge searched for confirmation on his face that she could proceed, and when she found no scathing glare or grimace that screamed at her to keep her hands to herself, she settled a firm grip on Shadow's bicep, giving it a soft squeeze in reassurance.

The hedgehog stared at her hand wrapped around his arm, deep in thought. Her words weren’t exactly lies, seeing as he was the Ultimate Lifeform and had always survived whatever was thrown his way, but the offence usually didn’t come from such a vulnerable place like his own body.
Shadow took in a deep breath, her overly sweet scent filling his lungs. It was too much right now, with his mind and body fighting a losing war on both ends and sending him in a never-ending spiral of paranoia that was slowly eating away at his sure conviction of his immortality.

Getting up from the couch and gently waving off Rouge’s hand, the covers sliding off his body like water and coming to rest on the floor, Shadow made his way over to the balcony, throwing the glass doors open to get some fresh air.

His eyes followed the silhouette of the city, the dark background letting the lights of buildings blend in with the stars in the sky, gracing him with the illusion of an infinite expanse of dark blue and gleaming spots.
The muffled noises of the night gracefully broke the illusion, evidence of life that went beyond everything Shadow had ever experienced timidly making itself known, thousands of lives he’d never get to know, every single one more complex than the last.

He was just another moment that would pass, sooner or later, either by leaving or dying.

He could be dying.

The thought sent chills through his body, his stomach dropping in what he could only describe as terror. Was time finally catching up to him? Had he run so far there was nowhere else to escape to? Maybe the scientists had been wrong, messed up somewhere along the way, and left Shadow with fewer years than claimed.
If so, this was coming at an unfortunate time.
Just when he thought— when he had fooled himself, that he could care for someone else, that he was capable of connections that ran deeper than mere interest or curiosity for such an anomaly as himself.

A hand landing delicately on his shoulder brought him back from his mourning, forcefully dragging him up the steps of his carefully constructed spiral, grounding him back into reality.

Shadow hadn’t even noticed Rouge joining him on the balcony, but he guessed that could’ve been expected on her part, seeing as he had walked away earlier without a word, the distant look in his eyes warning his friend that maybe he needed more than a small reassurance and a smile.

So, with her attention locked on him, he spoke again:

“What if it’s something serious this time?” Shadow’s voice sounded weak even to his ears, like a confused little kid experiencing the cruelty of the world for the first time. Because this could be it, it could be the first time he didn’t get lucky.
There was nothing assuring him that it would get better; he knew all too well that bad things happened, and he wasn’t immune to a painful fate any more than anyone. Shadow the Hedgehog wasn’t special, and so, he could suffer.

Rouge seemed to catch on to the implications of his words, a look of horror overtaking her face before she could stop it.
“Don’t be an idiot.” Her words held no malice, voice shaking as her grip on his shoulder tightened. “You’re going to be ok; you’re stronger than everyone I know, you’ll get over this.” ‘You have to’ was left unspoken; it would’ve ruined the uplifting intent of her words, adding a kind of panic that was uncharacteristic for the bat.

“I don’t know Rouge…” Shadow mumbled, putting his hands on the railing in front of him as he overlooked the city.
His grip tightened, anger poking its ugly head in and contorting his face into a pained scowl.

“I almost failed running up a wall, a fucking wall,” he stressed. “I could’ve done it a thousand times over just a couple of years ago, so why can’t I now?!”
Rouge was sure Shadow was going to bend the railing with how tightly he was gripping it, his face falling in dismay, so unlike the usual flame that burned into his eyes, confidence gone as if it had fallen down that dark tunnel, taking his will to fight with it.

“Shadow…” Rouge took a tentative step closer. “We’ll figure it out together. I won’t let you—”
She choked on the word, painful like a bundle of thorns in her throat.

“... I’ll help you,” she settled on after a few seconds, a confident shine in her eyes concealing the tears that had welled up at the thought.

Shadow tore his eyes away from the city, forcing them on his friend. Her words had done little to squelch the sheer terror that festered in his stomach, but he still felt a little better, his chest lighter and allowing him to take in a big breath without the worry that it would be his last.

And so, with little pride to preserve after he had bared at least half his soul to her, Shadow offered Rouge a small, genuine smile.

The next morning, Shadow, believing that he had overstayed his welcome at Rouge’s place, went back to his apartment and then straight to work to deliver the documents.

It had been early in the day when he had forced himself out of the comforting cushions of Rouge’s couch and out in the cold, the wind still carrying the frigid air of the night as a reminder.

The walk to work had been pretty ordinary, no surprises distracting him from his objective, the greying sky and smell of distant rain warning him to actually take his umbrella, since this time no blue hedgehog would’ve saved him from the storm.

When Shadow reached G.U.N. headquarters, a slight drizzle had already started, the gentle tapping of the rain against concrete accompanying his steps, forcing him to quicken his pace to get into the lobby if he wanted to avoid the rain.

Ignoring the quivering receptionist that graced him with an uneasy look, Shadow went straight for the elevator. Figuring it’d be better if he delivered the files before writing down the report, he selected the floor where Tower’s office was located and just waited.

Waiting was new for Shadow.

He wasn’t one to rush through everything like Sonic, never slowing down once, but he certainly didn’t walk when he could run, optimising his time by choosing when to utilize his super speed.

Yet here he was, taking an elevator that would bring him to a place he could’ve reached in less than a fifth of the time, uselessly watching the floor number go up.

After a few minutes the elevator finally reached the desired floor, and Shadow took the little box out of his quills, where it had safely waited after he had gotten it back from Robotnik.

He couldn’t wait to chuck it on the commander's desk and leave, not really looking forward to speaking with the man for more than a mere second.

Reaching the dreaded door that separated him from the office, the hedgehog hesitated to reach out and push it open, taking a moment to recollect his thoughts.

Surely there was no need to mention what had happened after the mission. He hadn’t failed, so Shadow couldn’t find any motive to bring it up; besides, omitting that information could save him from getting any more time off work, where he’d be forced to lock himself in his apartment again and suffer at the hands of his very own mind, so the choice came easy to him.

Tower wouldn’t find out.

With that, he pushed down the door handle and entered the room, actively choosing not to knock, as that would indicate he held any respect for his boss, which would be false.

Commander Tower was sitting at his desk, eyes trained in concentration over the screen of his computer, his fingers swiftly flying over the keyboard. At first he didn’t even deign Shadow with one look, waving his hand to signal to whoever had entered the room that they could speak, an annoyed expression on his face. But as Tower’s eyes shifted to the hedgehog, the annoyance rapidly fled his features, the man shifting in the chair to face him fully, hands clasped firmly in front of him.

“I’m guessing you retrieved the documents,” he spoke, eyeing the small box held in Shadow’s palm. “Any complications I should be aware of?”

Tower’s accusing tone baited the anger simmering just beneath the hedgehog’s skin, his fist tensing around the metal box in distress.
“No, nothing noteworthy,” he assured, feigning indifference that he hoped hid the slight tremor of his hands and inability to keep his eyes on the commander.

Commander Tower kept his eyes on Shadow, trying to catch anything that would suggest otherwise, but as his search came up short and his impatience to get ahold of the documents overpowered his suspicion, he gave a curt nod and dismissed the hedgehog, instructing him to leave the files on his desk as he went.

Shadow was more than happy to get away from there, and so, in less than a minute, he was out of the building and on his way home, his mind already planning how he’d spend the rest of his day, the sound of rain hitting his umbrella acting as background noise.

Against his better judgment, Shadow had decided that he could survive spectating a show from another musician without having his thoughts infected by his personal blue nuisance.

He went through the motions of getting ready with less excitement than usual, sparing the effort that he typically dedicated to his appearance when going out since he wouldn’t be meeting anyone of importance.

Taking his keys from the small table next to the door, he mindlessly extended his hand towards the coatrack for his leather jacket, only remembering the current holder of the item when he was met with air.

Right, he had given the jacket to Sonic and had refused to get it back, seeing as it would entail talking to the hero.

Shadow briefly wondered if Sonic had kept wearing it, considering the cold that had now fully encased their city, and found himself silently hoping he had, his face burning up at the scandalous thought.

Well, everyone wished their rival to be warm in the winter, right? That was totally normal of him; he just wanted Sonic to be at maximum health for their next battle, obviously.

It’s not like the thought of Sonic wearing his jacket with his scent on it made something akin to possessiveness flare out in him. The content hum growing in his throat was totally coincidental.

Well, he guessed he had to ditch the jacket for the night and just go without, perfectly able to enjoy his late outing without freezing himself back into a stasis-like state.

Locking the door behind him and slipping the keys into his quills, Shadow started his run towards his favourite bar, mind kept forcefully empty of any more notions about the blue hedgehog.

Shadow reached the place ten minutes later, sharp eyes scanning the whole establishment to make sure that he wouldn’t be subjected to any unexpected meetings while there.

It was Friday; this meant that soon enough a stream of annoying people looking to get drunk would flood the bar, making Shadow highly uncomfortable as he’d have to bear witness to the mess that were college students after one too many shots and older people trying to fight tooth and nail to hold on to their youth just another night, dancing on the floor in such a way that would surely leave them aching the next morning.

Choosing to settle at one of the tables near the back where he typically hid to get drunk and listen to music, Shadow flagged down a server and ordered his usual drink, not having to specify which to the deer mobian, who had taken his order multiple times before and had made an effort to remember his requests since the hedgehog was known to tip better than most patrons.

Having settled the drink situation, Shadow let himself get dragged into the mindless motions of people-watching, his attention solely given to the familiar surroundings.

The hedgehog seemed to always pick the worst times to get drunk, the bar already filled with mobians trying to enjoy their Friday night.
The lights were low and warm, one of the reasons why Shadow appreciated the establishment so much, their soft glow doing nothing to hurt his eyes, keeping the pleasing ambience from overwhelming him.

Once again, people were piling up on the dance floor.
The musician (that Shadow hadn’t deigned to notice until now, ears listening unenthusiastically to the unoriginal melody) was a grey wolf whose fur looked like it had made an abstinence pact from showers.

He was currently swaying awkwardly with the music, the very lacking stage presence hurting Shadow’s eyes, who was far too sober to ignore it. This obviously did nothing to deter the idiots dancing on the floor from doing way too much anyway, even though the singer could’ve been replaced with a painted rock and no one would’ve cared or noticed, really.

Shadow knew that he was being very judgmental for someone who couldn’t even sing, but could you blame him? He had been spoiled rotten by the last few shows that he had attended, and his standards for live music had since been raised exponentially.

As the ‘performance’ (if one could even call it that) kept going, the hedgehog found himself guiltily wishing for an annoying blue hedgehog to reclaim his spot on stage. Unable to satisfy the itch in his brain that yearned for the otherworldly experience that was feeling his heart hammer at his chest desperately, bitterly aware that only one person had ever been able to evoke such a reaction from him.

Shadow had been here when he had first discovered Sonic’s band, the surprisingly addictive melodies taking hold of his soul with ease, bringing him to seek out their shows frequently to quench his growing obsession with the hero’s voice. Initially, he couldn’t understand why that voice had been so intoxicating, shivers racking his body every time it reached his sensitive years.
Now he guessed he could offer an explanation as to why, but just tapping into his subconscious to unlock the disturbing feelings that the blue hedgehog evoked made bile rise in his throat, chest burning uncomfortably in what he could only recognise as guilt.

If he chose to be honest with himself for just a second, he would know that he had been long misusing the term ‘rival’ when referring to Sonic. The vitriol first reserved for him was long gone, its mask remaining to conceal the roaring fondness in his heart, the latter growing around the blue hedgehog like moss, letting him rest in Shadow’s chest cavity without his consent.

It was wrong, so wrong.

Shadow was convinced that if Sonic ever found out about the strange ideas frequenting his mind, he’d probably shun him in disgust. Maybe he’d never see the hero again, the latter doing anything in his power to keep his distance from this freak of nature.

Though it’d probably be for the better if the two never saw each other again. Shadow couldn’t imagine one scenario where getting closer to Sonic wouldn’t end up hurting the blue hedgehog, especially now that Shadow’s future wasn’t as set in stone as he had thought.
He’d hate to breach the distance between them just to be torn away from him (to become Sonic’s Maria, his brain supplied quite unhelpfully and cruelly, almost making him choke on his drink) and potentially scarring him for life, even if he doubted that he could have any kind of lasting impact on the hero’s psyche.

The dark hedgehog downed his drink, desperately trying to chase away the painful memories summoned by his constant train of thoughts.

Careful not to shatter the glass in his death grip, he slowly set it down on the small table, a drop of liquor trailing its side and landing on the wood, which, if not cleaned properly, would leave some sticky residue on the surface.

Maybe, Shadow thought regretfully, he should just stop going out.
He was clearly unable to control himself from spiraling into painful fantasies, the alcohol fueling the fire that greatly crippled his common sense when handling such topics.

Yeah, that sounded like the right decision.

With the resolution sitting heavy on his chest, he got up from his seat and quietly left the bar, mourning the pastime that he now considered ruined by his own hideously weeping heart.

He just hoped his vinyls would be enough to cheer him up.

Chapter Text

Shadow lasted a whole two weeks before reaching the denial stage in his grieving.

In hindsight, locking himself in his apartment had done nothing but make him more desperate to get out, reason ready to be thrown out the window at any moment, treading the windowsill carefully.

The only person Shadow had interacted with apart from Commander Tower (strictly on his phone) had been Rouge, who insisted on visiting him frequently, still freaked out by his collapse and subsequent acknowledgement of possible mortality. Which explained her current presence in his apartment, stretched over his couch while he looked over his vinyl collection, intent on choosing the perfect one for the evening.

As Shadow rapidly skimmed through the different albums, he couldn’t help but sense Rouge’s eyes on him, the uncomfortable itch on the back of his head distracting him from his search.

“What,” the hedgehog questioned, unable to take the staring any longer.

Rouge perked up at being addressed, pushing herself up to move near the arm of the couch, lying back on it with her head resting on her crossed arms. “You’re being weird.”

“No I'm not.” Shadow scoffed as he rolled his eyes, still not turning away from the vinyls.

“You’ve locked yourself in here like a wuss; I can't help but think you’re trying to avoid something,” she teased, sultry eyes feigning knowledge that Shadow knew was null, “or someone… fought with your situationship?”

Shadow knew nothing of these terms she used, but the teasing tone was enough to suggest the real topic of discussion, making him groan in frustration. “Keep your idiotic labels away from my rivalry, and no, he has nothing to do with this.”
Rouge snickered, satisfied with his reaction, before deciding she hadn’t bothered him enough.
“There’s always something with you two, but alright… if not a fight, then I see no reason to hole yourself up in here.”

“Fuck off.”

“I’m serious! You’re not going to gain anything from hiding in here, and Blue has been bugging me all week about you; it’s really starting to annoy me,” the bat lamented, hiding a smile as Shadow’s ears perked up, his attention clearly caught by her words.
“He wants to see you, you know.”

The hedgehog kept quiet, and Rouge took that as her cue to keep pushing. “Come on~ you can’t keep running forever,” especially now that I don’t have it, Shadow’s brain added bitterly. “You’re gonna have to see him again, eventually.”

He mulled the idea over in his mind. Rouge’s concerns weren’t unfounded; he couldn’t change anything from the comfort of his couch, and avoiding the blue hedgehog for all of eternity wasn’t exactly possible.
Finding no objections to voice, the hedgehog surrendered to Rouge’s pleading eyes that promised to drag him out of that apartment whether he liked it or not, giving her a small nod.

“Fine, I’ll think about it.”

It wouldn't have been too weird of Shadow to go to a couple of Sonic’s shows, right?

It’s not like the hero would find out, so Shadow wouldn’t be breaking any ‘rules’ that came with their rivals' status. And the fact that Sonic was in the band wasn’t the reason that he liked the music; he would’ve enjoyed it just as much if it had been anyone else, clearly.

That had been the hedgehog’s mantra for the last few days, comforting him every time he looked up the next scheduled performance of the group, eyes locked on the date as if it were a doomsday clock.
They would be playing at Candélabre, a pub near Rouge’s apartment, where the two had gone a couple of times to hang out and get a drink, so Shadow was pretty familiar with the layout of the place.

Every time he looked at the flyer, he managed to convince himself more and more that he could go, desperate to regain some sense of normalcy in his life, even if it meant struggling with thoughts he terribly wished weren’t his the moment he’d see Sonic again.

The constant loop of reassurances soon eroded at his skepticism, until his resolution to quit had been fully abandoned to join all the other well-meaning promises that he had tried and failed to uphold over the years.

He was going to stop avoiding this and see Sonic again, well, without the latter knowing, but it was a start. Maybe he could even answer all the texts he had received from the hero!
…
Yeah, no. Shadow wasn’t going to do that, but it’s the thought that counts.

Over the past few days, Sonic had decided to spam him with messages, trying to meet up with the antisocial hedgehog to give back the jacket or race, his success varying from zero to… zero, because he never got a response back.
It was honestly surprising how long he had persisted before realising that Shadow answering texts was less likely than Eggman renouncing technology and moving into a cave to live as a monk, but after thirty-two texts he had gotten the message and backed off, to Shadow’s incredible but real disappointment.

He had kinda gotten used to waking up to the notifications of Sonic’s contact on his phone, dumb words trying to coax him into hanging out, but he digressed.
Shadow wasn’t going to the show for him, just the music. That’s why when he was getting ready, he absolutely did not take his time to make sure that his makeup was perfect, meticulously adding red glitter to his undereyes and fussing over every quill slightly out of place.

Having tamed every last one of his quills and chosen a coat from his wardrobe to replace his missing jacket, the hedgehog left his apartment, taking his bike to reach the pub.

Once again, he had ditched his helmet to avoid ruining his quills, letting the wind rush past him and ruffle the fur on his face. It was nice, going this fast without worrying about getting tired. He was aware that he could’ve gone faster by running, but he had decided to favour endurance over speed, not wanting to risk getting stuck somewhere in the city because he was too exhausted to get home.

It was already dark out, the lights of buildings around him turning to thin golden strings as he sped by, the stars overhead dulled by photo pollution. The streets were empty, allowing the hedgehog to accelerate dangerously down the road, as if challenging the city to stop his crazed rush. Pushing his bike to its limits in a foolish attempt to revive the thrill of a race, he indulged in the fantasy of a familiar flash of blue running right beside him.

There had been one point in Shadow’s life where he and Sonic would race multiple times a week, their runs lasting hours. At first their meetings had been mere coincidences, thanks to both of them spending most of their time outside, but after a while they had started planning them, casually asking each other if they’d be free certain days without ever outright extending the offer to meet.

That had also been when Shadow had started hanging around Sonic’s friends more often, always under the guise of being forced by Rouge, but never refusing to attend if he was free.

It hadn’t lasted too long, G.U.N. slowly assigning more and more missions to the hedgehog until he was practically stuck at work, unable to take any time for himself and his uncertain but growing relationships, eventually pulling away from most of them apart from Rouge, and Sonic, unsurprisingly.

Now, Shadow and Sonic’s races were few and far between, mostly gifted by fate letting them meet on days when the dark hedgehog wasn’t buried in paperwork and on the verge of a mental breakdown, which wasn’t very often. To say that he missed those times would be the understatement of the century.
Sonic’s company specifically wasn’t just missed but desired, although Shadow would’ve rather eaten his own shoe than admitted it, going as far as ignoring the hero’s obvious pleas for the two to see each other again.

With the phone sitting heavy in his pocket, full of unseen texts that bordered on desperate, Shadow parked his bike and turned it off.
He had especially chosen this parking lot because it would ensure that Rouge wouldn’t find his motorcycle, while also being close enough to the pub so that he wouldn’t have to walk too much while drunk.

Now, that brought him to the other part of his infallible plan to hide his pastime, which wasn’t at all super paranoid of him.
Using one of those apps that shared your location with your friends (that Rouge had forced him to install after he had disappeared for a whole two days with no warning a couple years back), he had been monitoring the bat’s position all evening.
Sure enough, when he checked his phone again, Rouge’s little icon showed that she was somewhere on the other side of the city, near the woods, doing chaos knows what at this hour. If he had to guess, probably working on a mission for G.U.N.

Putting the phone back in his pocket, the hedgehog started his walk towards the bar, simply guided by his memory of the place.

The walk gave Shadow some time to think, letting him realise that he had no idea how to hide from Sonic in the crowd.

He couldn’t just stay in the back because he wanted to see the stage, and even though his black fur would blend in just fine in the dark swarm of guests, his red eyes and quills wouldn’t have the same luck.
He certainly couldn’t just throw his coat over his head and call it a day, considering that it would just bring more attention to himself, so how exactly was he going to do this?

Shadow stopped his walking, trying to think of a solution. As he considered a couple of plans that would surely make him look like a fool, his eyes wandered over the street he was in, landing on a small tourist shop on the other side of the road.

The front of the shop was occupied by a couple of racks filled with clothes, probably with the objective of drawing in customers by displaying flashy and trendy items, but what had really caught Shadow’s attention was hanging on the side of the entrance.
A big rack packed with cheap hats, their fronts embroidered with different ‘symbols’ of the city that were really just used to sell stuff to tourists and held no importance to the community whatsoever.

The shop was technically closed, seeing as it was long past 9pm, but there were no security cameras around, and they were really cheap hats…
The hedgehog groaned in annoyance. Was he really about to steal a stupid hat and ruin all the hard work that he had put into his quills?

Shadow guessed he could just stay in the back for tonight; he’d get to see So— the band another time, he was fine with just listening…

Ten minutes later the dark hedgehog reached Candélabre, his quills shoved under an obnoxiously green hat with a smiling alpine marmot embroidered on the front.

It was just safer this way, obviously.

Entering the pub like a scared teenager sneaking back home after breaking his curfew, Shadow walked towards the bar and ordered a drink, sitting on one of the wooden stools as he waited.
The polished acacia wood of the table shined under the light, the intricate natural markings keeping the hedgehog occupied as he bided his time, slowly tracing them with his gloved finger.

He had arrived a little later than usual, so it wouldn’t be long until Sonic took to the stage, the thought eagerly fueling his excitement.
It had been weeks since his eyes had last been graced by the sight of blue fur and emerald eyes, and Shadow’s nervousness was rising in tandem with the alcohol in his blood, his leg bouncing rapidly under the table and his fingers tapping on the wood.

He wasn’t exactly sure of how his mind would react, its unpredictability clear after the last time the blue hedgehog had been around him, so he was very glad of the unbreachable distance that the stage provided, saving him from acting on undesirable instincts.

Shadow eyed the people already gathering in front of the stage, their enthusiastic chatter reaching his sensitive ears, one of them flicking at the noise. Some of their faces were familiar, and as the hedgehog mulled it over, he realised that he probably wasn’t the only reoccurring fan of the group, placing those features on people he had previously seen at other shows.

It irked him in a disturbing way, the idea of other people enjoying Sonic’s music and doing so long before Shadow had even known about it. The fact that they knew nothing of the hero and likely believed that they had some sort of connection with him of any importance was nothing short of irritating. The hedgehog scoffed, his glare taking on a more personal tone as he aimed it at a small group gathered anxiously around the stage. He wondered if any of them had ever tried catching Sonic’s attention while he was on stage, an ugly feeling he couldn’t quite recognise curling in his gut, his hands tightening in a fist.

Those people were fools if they thought Sonic would give them the time of day, especially if he could do something more interesting (like race with him), and they’d surely never get to see him covered in flowers after stupidly throwing himself down a hill, the beaming smile etched on his face reminding the dark hedgehog of warm sunlight peeking through dark clouds.

The memory was an old one, taken from one of their last races before Shadow had to pull away for work. He had preserved it carefully, like a dried flower; the feeling of such a bright smile being directed at him was still as present as when it had happened, leaving the hedgehog lightheaded with delight.

Shadow would’ve done anything to gatekeep that lovely expression.

Although, deep down, Shadow knew full well that the blue hedgehog would’ve never outright ignored someone, even a stranger. He was too kind to value anyone as less deserving of his time, but just the idea of Sonic brushing those fans off elated him.

Taking another sip of his drink, Shadow tore his eyes away from the group of people, the mere sight of them enough to irritate him. Back to facing the bar, he occupied himself by observing the bartenders at work, letting their constant movement lull his fevered mind to silence.

It took a good twenty minutes for the show to start, Amy’s guitar warning Shadow to move closer to the stage if he wanted to be able to see without the crowd blocking his view.

Fixing his hat so that it would sit lower on his face and effectively covering himself, the hedgehog leaned back on a wall, making sure that he wouldn’t be seen in the swarm of guests getting closer to the stage.

Amy and Knuckles had already started playing the intro of the song, but Shadow paid them no mind, his eyes stuck to the back of the stage, kind of visible from his position. There, in the dim light, stood Sonic, intent on fixing his fingerless gloves (oh chaos, he was not ready to see that again) with rare mindfulness, a relaxed expression on his face that was betrayed by the slight tremors of his hands. He looked so soft, the bright flash of the stage lights turning to a faint glow as it reached him, the dark background letting Shadow’s eyes concentrate solely on the hero, the former’s heart aching painfully at the sight.

As the beginning of the song kept playing, Sonic’s time to join his bandmates on stage finally came, the blue hedgehog stepping out of the dark to start singing. Even though he sadly wasn’t sporting Shadow’s jacket this time, Sonic still looked as pleasant as ever, his colorful eyeliner kindly welcomed by Shadow’s hungry eyes.

He was definitely going to regret this the next day, but the hedgehog couldn’t stop his chain of thoughts from dropping into indescribable rambling that bordered on the inappropriate at best, seduced by the troubling level of alcohol currently inside of him.

Yeah, he had certainly missed this. Shadow swallowed hard, his dry throat already calling for another drink, but his feet were glued in place, legs refusing to take him away from the sight.

Sonic’s voice was so sweet to his ears, as if someone had coated his vocal cords in honey, and he leaned on the microphone stand with such allure, movements slow and calculated as he practically seduced the thing, Shadow’s jealousy happily extending to the item with eagerness.

That’s what it was, wasn’t it? Shadow was jealous. Thank Gaia he hadn't been sober while having this realization, or he would’ve choked himself to death in retaliation for such embarrassing thoughts.

Lowering his hat once more, this time in mortification as he hid his reddening muzzle and resurfacing glare, he went back to observing the performance, this time staying more aware of his frenzied notions.

The first thing Shadow had done after he left the pub was get rid of anything that could connect him to that show, which sadly brought to the horrible hat aggressively getting thrown in the garbage, hidden in a dumpster in a dark alleyway.

Having rid himself of such an atrocity and fixed his quills by looking in the reflection of a closed shop, Shadow started his walk back towards his bike.

It was a very pleasant night, and since he had nothing to do the next day, the hedgehog decided to take the longer way back to the parking lot, letting his mind wander with him.

He thought back to the show, a striking detail stubbornly stuck in his memory. When the music had died down, while the band was saying their goodbyes to the guests and thanking them for the support, Sonic had been panting. It had caught Shadow’s attention more than he would’ve liked to admit, wide eyes trained in wonder on the singer’s chest going up and down rhythmically, breaths coming out in short puffs visible in the cold air.

Sonic never panted, not after their races or fights. He might have at one point, years ago, but he didn’t anymore.

Shadow wanted to make that happen again; he wanted to push Sonic enough to get him out of breath, wanted to leave him spent.

It angered him that he couldn’t do it, couldn’t challenge his rival like old times, even if Sonic had never commented on it or even noticed. Shadow huffed in frustration, shoving his fists in his pockets, his steps gaining more vigor.

He was only a few minutes away from his bike when he heard it, the familiar voice almost making him choke on air.

“Shadow! Dude, wait!— Wait up!” Sonic stumbled over his words, jogging over to the dark hedgehog who was staring at him in surprise. “Bro, I haven't seen you in weeks; I thought something had happened to you,” the hero exclaimed, his voice strained from the hours of singing, a relieved grin sitting on his face.

“I’ve been busy…” Shadow hummed, turning to face Sonic, his weak excuse working wonders on the latter.
“Yeah, I figured, with G.U.N. and all beating your ass,” Sonic chuckled. “But still! You could’ve at least answered one text… Sometimes I wonder if you even know how to use that phone.”

Shadow rolled his eyes in amusement before actually seeing what was wrapped around the hero.

Oh. Sonic was still wearing his jacket.

His mind quieted down for a moment, curiously observing the sight in front of him, warmth spreading through him as his gaze softened oh so slightly, in a way that only a few chosen people would’ve noticed.

Sonic was one of them, but he apparently interpreted it wrongly, looking between Shadow and the leather jacket.
“Oh, right! Your jacket— sorry, I brought it 'cause I hoped to see you tonight, Rouge told me you were going out.” Shadow couldn’t decide if he wanted to kill her or kiss her right now. “So I planned on looking for you; you can have it back now,” the hero was rambling, effectively getting his words to enter one of Shadow’s ears and exit the other, the dark hedgehog catching only the last part of his sentence.

“What? Oh, uhm, keep it,” he blurted out absently, not really registering his offer until it was too late, as he had been stuck admiring the hero. “Y’know, until I can get it back, I have nowhere to put it right now…” he added weakly, looking away.

Had Sonic been wearing it this whole time? The entire three weeks? The thought left Shadow weak in the knees.

“I see… Well, thank you, Shads.”
“Y'know, this thing has probably saved me from countless colds now. I kinda haven’t bought a coat yet, so I’ve had nothing else to wear,” Sonic revealed, an embarrassed smile on his face, which quickly turned into fear as he heard his own words. “Sorry! I hope you don’t mind— Gaia that was so weird— I’ll buy one soon, I swear, and I'll wash this! Obviously, haha.” His nervousness made his chatter pick up the pace, talking so fast Shadow almost hadn’t understood what he had said.

“No need, it’s fine,” the dark hedgehog reassured, snorting softly at the hero’s panic. “I’d rather you didn’t get frostbite.”

…

“Because you wouldn’t be able to fight me, obviously, I have no concerns for your personal well-being,” he added curtly, not believing a word he said (neither did Sonic, if we’re being honest).

“Yeah, of course.” Sonic shook his head in disbelief, his grin turning into a small, fond smile. “That reminds me, wanna race? I haven’t had a proper one in weeks, man; I’m going into withdrawal,” he groaned dramatically, earning an affronted hmph! From the other hedgehog.

“Whatever, let's make this quick.”

It was in fact not quick, since Shadow and Sonic ended up racing for a good hour before the former had to stop, his brain letting off alarm bells warning him that he would pass out if he kept going, deciding to let the hero win so that they could end the run without him having to explain himself.

Neither of the hedgehogs really wanted to leave yet, and so, picking up an old habit formerly abandoned when they stopped their frequent races, they decided to go sit at the beach.
Although Sonic wasn’t a big fan of the great expanse of dark water in front of him, he had managed to calm his fearsome thoughts, Shadow’s presence next to him having a grounding effect on his racing heart.

They both sat in complete silence, content to just enjoy each other’s company, their thighs a hairsbreadth away from touching and hands sitting dangerously close on the sand, the two refusing to comment on the absence of distance in fear of scaring the other away.

Shadow could feel the warmth radiating from Sonic, his thigh burning where he could sense the latter’s fur occasionally brush up against him. Silently admiring the hero from the corner of his eye, he wondered how he had even thought of ignoring his incessant texts, his drunk brain recognising that this was the best he had felt in weeks.

The sky was much clearer here, allowing the moon to reflect light onto the beach, her reflection on the water continuously disturbed by the waves. The sea shimmered enchantingly, gentle ripples recreating the glimmering of the stars with stunning accuracy. It would’ve been a breathtaking sight, but Shadow’s breath had already been stolen by emeralds glancing at him with fondness, recognition clear in Sonic’s eyes.
And yet, when he chose to break the perfect silence so masterfully crafted by the two, he brought forward a completely different topic.

“Why have you been holding back?”

The question caught Shadow off guard, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “What are you talking about?” he questioned carefully.

Sonic looked away, suddenly unsure of his words.
“You’ve been running slower for years now; do you think I can't handle you at full speed?” His question was genuine, no joke or insult accompanying it. Which hurt Shadow even more, his stomach dropping as he realised what the hero meant.

“I haven’t.”

The words rang out painfully in Shadow’s ears, whispered shamefully as he tore his eyes off of Sonic, a grimace stretching on his face.

“... What?” The hero breathed out, weak and hesitant, worry overtaking his features instantly. His eyes were so intense, so pitiful, looking at him with a care that spoke of years of unexplored affection, of devotion that ran so deep he’d have to carve out Sonic’s heart to uproot it.
Shadow couldn’t take it, not like this, not from him.

“Nothing, chaos just leave me alone.” The dark hedgehog spit back, venom lacing his words protectively, bolting upright as he once again took refuge in his anger.

“What?! Wait, no, Shadow I swear to Gaia—” Sonic cried out in frustration. But it was too late; the dark hedgehog had already darted away in a red blur, leaving the hero to ponder curiously on his shameful admission.

Chapter Text

Shadow had been able to avoid Sonic for barely more than a week before he was once again forced into seeing him by Rouge.

He probably would’ve expected this a couple of years ago, but now? Shadow was quite surprised.
Rouge had just informed him that they had been invited to a party at Amy’s, for an early Halloween. He couldn’t even remember the last time an invitation had been extended his way (of course he did, three years prior, for New Year’s Eve, right when G.U.N. had started assigning him more work).
Obviously, Rouge hadn’t left him any choice, go to the party or be left somewhere in a ditch, either way, Shadow hadn’t fought long before giving in.

It couldn’t have been that bad; the party wouldn’t have lasted too long, and Amy’s yard was big enough to hide from the hero. He could survive without having any unwanted conversations. Of course this meant that he actually had to stay away from Sonic, which proved to be more difficult every time they met.

Regardless of how Shadow felt about seeing Sonic after that fiasco from last time, he couldn’t deny that he was a bit excited about the invite. The hedgehog hadn’t believed that he could’ve ever reconnected with the others after the abrupt way he had withdrawn from almost everyone. But maybe he had judged Sonic’s friends too harshly, negating their ability to forgive because he expected them to give him up.
If they had invited him to reconnect or simply to be polite, it wouldn’t have mattered at this point. He would’ve gone regardless, even if he was content with letting Rouge believe she had done all the heavy lifting to convince him.

It had been stated in the invitation (and underlined twice for good measure) that the party required a costume, and Shadow knew that Amy strictly enforced that rule. So, he had gotten to work on finding one, letting Rouge drag him to countless shops over the week without much complaint, turning down every costume that felt like the favoured pick of a five year old (or Sonic, which wasn’t that different if he really thought about it).

In the end he had gone with ‘The creature’ from Frankenstein, which brought to him explaining to Rouge multiple times that yes, he had chosen it because of his appreciation for the Gothic novel and not because he was actually an edgy 8 year old, and for her to even question it was highly offensive.

Satisfied with his choice, he only had one thing left to do. Wait.

Sunday evening had finally arrived, bringing along multiple texts from Rouge checking that Shadow was in fact coming to the party and wasn’t planning to stand her up and disappear into the woods until the threat had passed.

Having reassured the bat that he had no such plans, he had proceeded to get ready for the evening a couple hours in advance, hands shaking in quiet anticipation and forcing him to redo his eyeliner multiple times.

Rouge reached his apartment a few hours later, the two having decided to take Shadow’s bike to go to Amy’s. Not yet wearing her costume, she had apparently refused to leave her home dressed up if she was alone, claiming she would’ve looked crazy to the (approximately) four people that could’ve been roaming the streets at that hour.

The hedgehog had rolled his eyes at that, but allowed her to get ready in his bathroom, not without voicing multiple warnings not to touch his makeup if she liked having working hands.
After successfully getting the bat into her costume, they were able to leave in a timely manner, Shadow calculating that they would’ve reached Amy’s place a few minutes after the agreed time, ensuring that they wouldn't have been first nor last.

Finding Amy’s house had been easy, the hedgehog relying on his memory to guide him, soon reaching the familiar street, Halloween ornaments lighting up the only place already decked out in pumpkins and various convenience store decorations, visible from the next block over.
The autumn sun had already set, leaving the moon to be outshined by Amy’s luminous choice in decor, which would’ve probably garnered at least a couple of complaints from the neighbors the moment the clock struck 11pm.

Having parked his bike in the driveway and turned it off, Shadow and Rouge were greeted by an open door, Amy already standing on her porch waiting for them, having recognised the low rumble of the hedgehog’s ride and rushed outside to welcome them in.

The pink hedgehog waved excitedly at the two, a big smile stretching on her face as she ran over to them.

“I’m so glad you two could make it!” she exclaimed, grabbing Rouge’s hand and extending her other hand towards Shadow before quickly reconsidering her action and pulling it back, smiling sheepishly at him.

“We wouldn’t have missed this for the world,” Rouge reassured, shooting Shadow a look as he stood silently to the side, the latter nodding at the host in confirmation. “Thanks for the invite.” he muttered, earning an appreciative look from both the girls.

“Oh, it’s nothing! I heard from Sonic that you were finally free, so I jumped at the chance.” Amy grinned, unknowingly soothing Shadow’s nerves that had tried to convince him multiple times to go back home over the course of the whole drive, unsure if he would’ve been welcome there.

Suppressing a small smile, Shadow followed the other two inside the house, looking around to see who was already present the moment he stepped in Amy’s entryway. To his relief, the blue hedgehog was nowhere to be found, late as always, a sigh escaped his lips.

The guests who had managed to get there before them were scattered all around the house, mostly concentrated in the living room where the food was located. Most of the snacks had been placed on a big table on the other side of the room (all Halloween themed, as expected): ghost-shaped cookies and spiders with legs of mini salted pretzels masterfully arranged on wooden platters, paper plates with witches, and plastic cups with cobwebs piled on the side to be taken by any guest in need.

On the left of the buffet was a smaller table filled with different bottles of alcohol (Which Tails had been banned from approaching, Amy warned, so don’t let him take any), most still sealed closed since the party had just started.

Leaving their coats to likely be piled up on a chair that had been appointed as a hanger by anyone that had arrived after the coathanger had already been filled, the two friends made their way towards the living room, Shadow surprisingly receiving only a few unsure glances, that were rapidly replaced with recognition and greetings varying in warmth from person to person.

Yeah, he had greatly misjudged how quickly people would get used to having him around again, certain that it would’ve been like the first time he had ever been dragged to one of these events, with scared glances not to secretly thrown his way and Tails hiding in a cabinet for the whole evening (he had been like, eleven, so Shadow hadn’t taken that much offense from the action).

Well, now came the hard part of the evening. He wasn't quite sure what to do.
He couldn’t start randomly talking to someone (simply because he didn’t want to), but he wasn’t exactly keen on silently brooding in a corner either. Which brought him to his current solution, limiting himself to following Rouge around as she talked to the others, letting her include him in the conversations and slowly warming up to the motions of socializing as if it were a hobby long abandoned.

Shadow had been stuck in a convo with Knuckles and Silver for twenty minutes now, where he had corrected the red echidna five times as he kept wrongly referring to his costume as ‘Frankenstein’, Silver silently laughing at his suffering and doing nothing to help him educate the red idiot. It’s not that he wasn’t enjoying himself, but it was starting to get old, so when Rouge walked up to him he had really been hoping for a break from this.

His hopes were immediately destroyed, like always.

“Blue just arrived; wanna say hi?” she teased, Knuckles and Silver immediately moving as they heard the news, hurrying towards the entrance to go greet their friend, leaving the two alone.

“I’d rather die.” Shadow huffed, crossing his arms over his chest in feigned annoyance. Although this didn’t stop him from turning towards the hallway as Sonic’s voice slowly came closer, watching the blue hedgehog enter the room accompanied by Tails.

“Wait, is that your leather jacket?” Rouge questioned incredulously as she eyed what was clearly Shadow’s ‘misplaced’ item he had claimed to have lost a few days back. Turning towards her friend with a shit-eating grin, she was quick to share her surprise.

“Care to explain? Or do you want me to make my own assumptions?”

“Fuck off, it’s not what you’re thinking about.”

“We’re so talking about this when we get home.”

Shadow groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose in growing frustration.
Bringing his eyes back towards Sonic, he observed the hero’s chosen costume, which had been revealed when the latter had taken off the jacket, momentarily forgetting his annoyance in favour of taking the enchanting sight in.

Sonic had (ironically) chosen to dress up as a siren.
His eyes were framed by pastel teal eyeshadow, the color repeating in his whole costume, just like the small white pearls that decorated his eyelids and undereyes. Ear fins were clipped to his fur, his quills and the points of his ears were dyed teal to match. But most importantly, his eyes had been hidden under pitch black contact lenses, with a turquoise line nearing the edge of the pupils, proficiently covering Shadow’s favourite emeralds.

In his absorbed state, Shadow hadn’t even noticed that Rouge had been staring at him, understanding crossing her features and making her snort, the noise breaking his focus.
“What?” the hedgehog growled as he glared at her, his defensive tone doing him no favors.

“Nothing, you can go back to your pining,” Rouge laughed before leaving him alone, right as Sonic had started walking towards him, the traitor.

Shadow once again turned his head towards the threat approaching him, shoving his trembling hands in his costume’s pockets to try to minimize the humiliation that was likely coming his way. But as Sonic neared his spot, Shadow realized that he couldn’t do it, couldn’t face him quite yet, and so he turned around and quickly walked away, leaving the blue hedgehog to stare confused at his retreating form, a flash of hurt rapidly hidden under a cocky smile as he went to talk to someone else.

Shadow hadn’t really thought about where he was going, just trying to escape the hero, subsequently ending up alone in the kitchen.

The proof that any cooking for the party had happened had been hidden by Amy’s efficient planning, the girl having cleaned up everything hours before the event had started.

Taking in a few deep breaths, Shadow started looking around the cabinets, searching for a glass he could use to drink some water. Everything felt so warm. His face was on fire, not the kind born from embarrassment but anxiety, the hot flash refusing to subdue and forcing him to open the freezer to stick his face in.
The hedgehog waited a couple of seconds before closing the fridge’s door, immediately returning to his search for a glass.

Shadow spent at least seven minutes alone in the kitchen before being joined by someone else, Amy peeking her head through the open door and giving him a warm smile as her eyes settled on him.

“Shadow, looking for something?” she asked as she entered the room.

“Just getting some water,” he answered, setting the glass obtained a few minutes earlier down on the counter. He watched as Amy entered the room, going to the fridge and taking out an opened bottle of orange juice.
“I can’t believe that Knuckles finished the whole bottle already,” Amy mumbled, following her words with a small laugh.

“What?” Shadow asked, unsure if she was talking to him or herself.

“Nothing, Knuckles just raided the juice section and drank all of it,” she chuckled, pointing towards the bottle in her hand.
“I need to get more, or Tails will die from dehydration.”

Shadow nodded at her, then looked away, back towards the glass sitting in front of him. Not quite confident in his ability to continue the conversation, he stayed quiet, letting Amy decide if the silence was worth breaking with him.

“For your information, everyone’s glad that you came tonight, Shadow.”
She admitted cheerfully, “we’ve missed you.”

The dark hedgehog could only stare in surprise at her words, something akin to happiness bubbling in his chest, leaving him so out of his element that he had to force himself to crack a joke and escape the growing tension.
“Even Tails?”

Amy giggled, shaking her head, “He’ll come around, eventually.”
“But genuinely, thank you for showing up; you’ve probably made Sonic’s week.”
“Sonic?” Shadow questioned, swallowing down his disbelief.

“I know you won’t believe it, but he considers you his friend, and he’s been feeling a bit down lately; I'm not sure why.” Amy shrugged, downplaying her own worry as a simple observation.

Shadow couldn’t find it in himself to admit that he might’ve had a hand in that, guilt rotting at the edges of his flowering happiness. Although knowing that his presence hadn’t made the problem worse helped to keep his shame at bay.
Seeing how she wasn’t going to get a response any time soon, the dark hedgehog too deep in his own head, Amy gave him one last smile and left the kitchen, back on her mission to stop Tails from dying of thirst.

Once again, Shadow was alone, his brain playing with the new information provided by the girl.

Sonic thought they were friends. Not enemies, but friends, people who cared for each other (freely omitting the fact that the title of rivals had never stopped him from caring for the other).

How long had Shadow been misinterpreting his importance to the hero?
Maybe he had been misjudging one too many people lately.
Guiltily thinking back to how he had ignored Sonic just half an hour prior, he sighed, mentally readying himself to join the party again.

Inexplicably, the idea that Sonic could believe that his affection for the dark hedgehog was greatly one-sided painfully squeezed at his chest, enough to move him from his newly found safe space.

With a heavy heart and steps, carried by the shame of his rude behavior and a smaller, hidden need to see the hero again, Shadow left the kitchen, not able to take more than a few steps away from the door that the aforementioned hedgehog had already found him, immediately appearing at his side. As if he had been looking for Shadow since his departure.

“Shads! I didn’t think you’d make it,” Sonic exclaimed, giving him one of his infamous grins, his fake fangs making Shadow’s heart do a somersault, the latter praying to every god known for it to be a sign of an underlying medical condition that would kill him on the spot.
“I didn’t have anything else to do.” The dark hedgehog replied curtly, hyperfocused on not letting his voice waver and show any weakness. So much for being nice to the hero…

“That’s great, and you dressed up too! Love it. Is it Frankenstein's monster?” Sonic’s eyes were so bright, even with the dark contacts, it was intoxicating.

“Creature…”

“What was that?” Sonic asked curiously, attention never faltering.
“It’s Frankenstein’s creature. Not a monster…” Shadow grunted defensively, glaring at the other.

“Oh! Of course, sorry,” the hero apologised, scratching the back of his head like a character from one of those high school dramas that Rouge always gushed about. The offense was quickly forgotten though, the flustered smile offered by Sonic stealing the show instead.

Shadow gave him a small nod, accepting the apology and efficiently plunging the two into a silence that rapidly verged on awkward, saved only by Knuckles (oh dear chaos) and Amy joining them and starting to talk about something that the dark hedgehog couldn’t care less about, but appreciated nonetheless for having saved him from whatever that had been.

Letting the constant chatter lull his nervous mind into thoughtless quiet, Shadow was content to just stand there and listen, Sonic oddly staying by his side the whole time, refusing to leave for more than a few minutes
at best, seemingly not even aware of his weird behavior. The hero’s presence had soon ceased being a source of unease for the dark hedgehog, instead turning into an anchor of familiar comfort that had brought Shadow to subconsciously follow the other around, not having to go far thanks to Sonic’s apparent aversion to leaving him alone.

This dance had been practiced multiple times by the two in the years prior to Shadow’s withdrawal, easily falling back in the steps, as if they had been seared in their brains, ready to be revisited when their attachment had once again been rekindled.

If one hedgehog was somewhere, the other wouldn’t have been much behind, leaving the friends who noticed to gaze curiously at the two, unsure of what to make of the strange phenomena.

It was now past 11pm, a few complaints from the neighbors had been received, and all the bottles of alcohol had been opened. Tails was still unable to convince Sonic to let him taste some from his cup, the older one always sending him off with a raised eyebrow and a laugh.

Amy and Sonic had been talking about something concerning a donation from someone whose name Shadow hadn’t bothered to remember. He had honestly stopped listening a few minutes in, just standing next to the hero in silence and observing the details of the pearls hanging on the latter, wondering how they had survived this long without catching on something and breaking.

Unfortunately, his peace had quickly been interrupted by a simple question.

“Hey, Sonic! I was wondering, where did you get your jacket?” Silver had walked up to their trio and was now talking to the blue hedgehog, who was staring quite dumbly at him. “I need a new one.” He shrugged with an easy grin.

“Ah- uhm, it’s not mine?” Sonic chuckled, ignoring Shadow’s eyes, currently burning holes in the side of his head.
“Well, you wear it an awful lot for it not to be yours,” Amy chided in, a puzzled look on her face. “You’re like, always wearing it dude.” Silver added, giving him a skeptical look.

“Come on guys! I don’t wear it that much,” the hero defended, muzzle going red as he avoided Shadow’s eyes.

“I saw you wearing it inside the house.”

“Ames it was like a really cold day—”

“It’s from Vera Pelle.”
At his remark, the three turned their attention towards the dark hedgehog, taken aback as they had all but forgotten about his presence (apart from Sonic who was staring at him quite intensely, clearly embarrassed).
“What?” Silver finally spoke up, confused.

“The shop near the mall, Vera Pelle, that’s where the jacket is from.”
Shadow’s voice was quite blank, unbothered by the questioning looks slowly turning to realisation, two sets of eyes rapidly switching between him and Sonic.

It was Amy who broke the awkward silence, not planning on getting stuck in a staring contest for the next ten minutes. “Oh, it’s yours, Shadow? Did Sonic steal it or something?” she added the last part with a small grin, aiming to break the tension.

“Something like that.” Shadow nodded, giving her a grin of his own, unaware of the pitch black eyes staring at him in wonder.

Crisis averted, the conversation quickly settled into normalcy again, the dark hedgehog going back to silently listening and drinking.

The music was still quite loud even after they had lowered it (as requested by the neighbors), and Shadow’s head was slowly starting to ache, his drink and the lights in the room doing nothing to help. After another fifteen minutes of suffering, he had realised that there was really no use in standing dumbly in the middle of one of the top ten overstimulation chambers, and so he had quietly made his way out the back and into Amy’s garden, the Halloween decorations now much more gentle on his sensitive eyes.

He sat down on one of the steps leading to the house’s back door, the brick cold under him. Swirling the unknown dark liquid in his plastic cup, of which he had already forgotten the original bottle, the hedgehog observed the shadows on the grass, trying to guess who the ones in motion belonged to. The music was still loud enough to be listened to, but without the charming quality of beating his eardrums to death, and Shadow very much preferred it this way.
The stars were out, so when the hedgehog got bored by the shadows, he moved onto constellations, trying to recall each and every one to place them in the sky above, biding his time until his headache would fade and he’d be able to get back inside.

He had already gone through a couple when he heard the back door sliding open, but his attention was still on placing Perseus in the sky, looking for the small group of stars that were always near him.
Gentle steps resounded in the garden, followed by the thump of someone sitting down next to him; the hedgehog didn’t have to look to guess who it was.

“For the record, I don't wear it that much,” Sonic started. “I swear, they’re exaggerating—” “It’s fine, Sonic. I don’t mind,” Shadow interrupted him, voice calm as he turned his head to face the hero.
“Oh, well…that wasn’t very cool and nonchalant of me then, sorry.”
The dark hedgehog couldn’t help but snort, chuckling at his rival’s words. “You’re such an idiot,” he grinned, his smile widening as he heard the low thumping noise of Sonic’s tail wagging and hitting the floor.

“Yeah, well, you have that effect on me,” the hero admitted, voice going soft.
Shadow could feel his heart in his throat, a spike of something in his chest, but, uncertain on what to say, he kept silent, looking away.
Is this what it felt like? To be Sonic's friend?

The two accepted the silence, anything but awkward, both pleased with the other’s presence.

“Can I ask you something weird?” Surprisingly, it had been Shadow to break the quiet, Sonic nodding before realising that the other was facing away, opting to instead voice his permission. “Sure.”

“Why a siren? Aren’t you afraid of the water?”

The hero, a bit taken aback by the random topic, took some time to answer.

“It’s something stupid…” he mumbled, but when he was met with no answer, he realised he’d have to explain himself anyway.

“Tails thinks I can slowly get over it if I familiarise myself with water and stuff… So I thought, why not a siren? They're cool.”

“It fits you.” Shadow mused “But at one point you’ll have to do something more than play dress up, won’t you be scared then?”

“Well, if I wait until I'm not afraid anymore, I'll never do it.”

That was weirdly thoughtful of Sonic, Shadow thought; honestly, he might follow that advice one day.
Turning to face the blue hedgehog, Shadow had to stop and take a moment to assess exactly what he was facing. Sonic looked marvellous.
He looked even better than he had on stage, and the knowledge that this view was for him and him only left Shadow breathless, forcing him to suppress the purrs building in his throat.

Sonic seemed satisfied with just letting him stare, the knowing look in his eyes completely eluding Shadow, who was anything but familiar with the fire burning in his core that closely resembled a blue star.

After a few seconds, Sonic spoke up again.
“Hey Shads… I’m sorry for last time. I’m not exactly sure what’s going on with you, but if you don’t wanna talk about it, it’s fine.” He sounded genuine in his apology, and Shadow wasn’t strong enough to hold a grudge for something that Sonic had no fault on, so, with a gentle shake of his head, he replied: “Don’t worry about it, I’m fine.”

His words were meant to be reassuring, but Sonic didn’t look very pleased with the consolation, eyeing the other warily. Understanding that he wasn’t going to get much else than that, he sighed, pushing himself up to his feet.

“I like this song.” He turned towards Shadow, extending one hand in offering. “Wanna dance?” The invite had been delivered with one of his charming grins, but as the dark hedgehog took his hand, it melted into a fond smile, his tail wagging happily behind him.

“Sure, faker, but try to keep up.”

Letting himself get pulled up, Shadow grabbed both of Sonic's hands, their fingers interlocking, both of them exchanging timid looks, uncertain of where to start. Their initial movements were hesitant, exploring what was allowed from the other, not yet matching the tempo of the song. But soon enough, the two found themselves chest to chest, sweeping over their very own dance floor of grass and distant lights.

Every smile sent his way left Shadow feeling dizzy, Sonic’s dazzling eyes never leaving his face in hopes of catching every microexpression the dark hedgehog graced him with.
He could feel the hero’s hand on his waist, pulling him closer and setting his skin on fire. Shadow hadn’t even noticed when it had gotten there, too preoccupied with devouring every detail he could catch of Sonic, committing them to memory with the dedication of an artist.

With bold moves enacted with no warning, the blue hedgehog had been able to steal a couple of smiles from the other, the sight leaving him giddy like a little kid. To say that Sonic wasn’t enamoured with Shadow’s smile would’ve been a lie, but the dark hedgehog didn’t need to know that.

Dancing in a way that blurred their own individuality, hearts beating the same tune and lines delineating when one ended and the other began fading like an old painting, Sonic found it in himself to make one last request.

“I wish I knew you better,” he breathed out, the air brushing against Shadow’s cheek, “I want to get closer to you.”

Eyes full of such hope, such fondness that left Shadow feeling sick and confused, could never belong to anyone but him.

“You’ll regret it,” the dark hedgehog protested weakly, earning himself a gentle tug to his waist, pulling him closer, his reddening muzzle obscured by the dark.
“Is that a challenge?”
Sonic’s typical grin served to ease Shadow’s nervousness, his internal turmoil momentarily forgotten.

“Tsk, you’re unbelievable,” the dark hedgehog scoffed, the ghost of a smile ever-present on his face, before getting pulled by the eager hero into another dance that would (much later) be interrupted by a certain bat grinning like an idiot at the two.

Chapter Text

October passed quickly, the last remnants of warmth chased away by the same wind that tore dead leaves from trees, leaving greying parks naked and flowers dead. And yet, Shadow was starting to feel more alive than he had in almost three years now.

The fatigue that had hollowed out his bones was still present, but easier to ignore, as if it had retreated like an army leaving the battlefield for a Christmas truce. The sword of Damocles hanging over his head had been lifted, held up by the familiar hands of a blue hedgehog, who Shadow had been seeing more and more the past three weeks.

Their races had increased greatly, and so had the dark hedgehog’s visits to Sonic’s shows (always equipped with a different hat, although now he had the privilege of choosing it ahead of time and not having it clash with his outfit). Shadow was officially unable to call himself anything but a fan.

Seeing Sonic so often was starting to have its effect on him. Every time he went to a new show, he felt like he was invading something intimate, personal, not meant for his eyes. He felt guilty about it, too, as if he hadn’t been getting enough from what the hero conceded him in their meetings, like an ungrateful spoiled child. But he couldn’t stop, not now, probably never.
Shadow sought out those shows like a madman, and it scared him; it left him terrified, gifting him sleepless nights that were more than worth Sonic’s affection.

However… If his worries were right… If his time on earth really had been stolen from him, then the permanence he craved was as possible as his survival.

He couldn’t do that, not to Sonic.

But Shadow the Hedgehog was weak; in every way that mattered, he was too weak to pull away. He needed someone to see him, and Sonic looked at him. Oh how he looked at him.

Shadow could feel his stomach twisting painfully, the harsh sensation snapping him back to reality, his incessant stream of consciousness halting to a stop.

Right, he had kind of been in the middle of something—
Looking down at the phone in his hand, Shadow quickly scanned over the words in Tower’s text, which had been sent over ten minutes ago.

He had been assigned another mission, something about breaking into one of Robotnik’s bases. Chaos he did not want to do that… maybe he could attempt being unemployed for a while.

Groaning, Shadow walked over to his kitchen, his eyes landing on his laptop sitting closed on the dining table. Plopping down on one of the wooden chairs, he opened it and looked up the information that had been shared, trying to understand exactly what the commander was demanding of him.

It was supposed to be a simple retrieval mission (simple like last time? Shadow scoffed at the memory) and would require little to no precautions. Shadow needed to steal the generator from one of Eggman’s more remote bases, which was located in the mountain range, a couple of hours of running away from the city. There had been no activity recorded near the area since at least a month prior, so the lair was classified as vacant in G.U.N.’s records, which was apparently good enough for the commander to send in Shadow completely alone.
How nice of him.

What exactly was powering the generator was unknown to G.U.N. thanks to the insulating properties of the material that lined the base, blocking their readings and subsequently increasing Tower’s interest in the place, to the hedgehog’s great dismay, since it meant that he had no real idea of what he was searching for.

Scrolling down in the files, Shadow found a map of the lair and memorised the layout, pleased by the absence of another fifty-foot drop, before proceeding to leave the kitchen to get ready for the mission.

G.U.N. headquarters were unusually full that day.

Agents were running around the office, all rushing to prepare for something, and Shadow had no idea what.
It was pretty weird, seeing so many people there after his last few visits had only consisted of him, the receptionist, and Tower, but it gave some life to the ever-silent and monotonous office. As Shadow navigated through the busy corridors, he couldn’t help but grow curious about the reason why so many agents had been called in to seemingly stay in the office and nothing else.
Reaching the area where Rouge’s cubicle was located, the hedgehog accelerated, silently hoping that the bat had decided to show up to work the one day he actually needed her to. Surely, she’d know what was going on.

Popping his head in through the opening, Shadow breathed a sigh of relief as his eyes found the familiar bat leaned back in her chair, her feet resting on the table and her attention caught by something on her phone.

Rouge was giggling when she noticed the hedgehog staring at her, giving him a quick look before going back to her phone.
“Wait wait— Let me finish this,” she said as she wrote something down, which Shadow had just realised was probably a text (it didn’t take a genius to figure out to whom it was being sent).

Shadow crossed his arms over his chest, getting impatient as the bat still hadn’t put down the device, and leaning back on the desk, he gave her an unimpressed scowl. “I’m sure he can wait a few minutes. Now tell me, why is everyone in today?”
“Gaia you’re so impatient,” Rouge rolled her eyes, but set down her phone and rolled her chair in his direction. “Do you remember when a couple of years ago Tower hired those special scientists?”

“What about it.”
“Well apparently they’re coming back again, so the commander called in a couple of people to prepare the labs,” the bat waved her hand dismissively, relaying the news as if it held no interest for her whatsoever, “y’know the state they’re in right now; almost no one uses them, like ever.”

Rouge’s disinterest was justified; Shadow saw no reason to make such a big deal out of this. The last time those scientists had visited G.U.N. no real changes had been made, no new technology or research, so either they were really bad at their job and Tower called them in again because he was developing some kind of mental impairment, or they were hiding something, which Shadow had no interest in discovering, since once again, nothing had happened.

Maybe the commander just really loved wasting taxpayers money.

Either way, the hedgehog had gotten his answer, and considering the hours of travel that awaited him after this, he decided to stop wasting his time on trivial things and head where he needed to.
Commander Tower’s office.

Quickly extending a goodbye to Rouge, Shadow left the main floor and made his way up the stairs.

The higher he climbed, the fewer people he met walking around, until he reached Tower’s floor and saw no one throughout the whole place, as if the commander’s less than pleasant company had scared away every employee to hide in the lowest levels.

Shadow snorted. Yeah, that sounded about right.

Walking down the long corridor that would bring him to the office, Shadow felt the oppressive atmosphere gradually get to him too, his steps becoming lighter so as not to alert anyone of his presence. He wasn’t scared of Tower, but to say that he trusted him would be a reach; he couldn’t even grant the man much respect. Nonetheless, Shadow didn’t hate him, and he guessed the feeling to be mutual. That was enough to work together.

As the hedgehog neared the big wooden doors that currently hid the commander from his view, his ears started to pick up different voices coming from the room. He could hear Tower, and the other… two? Three voices? Discussing something, their volumes kept to a minimum.

Shadow slowed down once more, keeping a good distance between himself and the office, just enough to hear what was being debated.

“We might be close to a breakthrough—” the voice sounded more authoritative than the others, but it wasn’t the commander, lacking the usual stern tone; it almost felt excited.
“Soon, they’ll become permanent—” “How soon?” Tower finally spoke up, interrupting the other man’s rambling.
“We’re not quite sure, maybe a month.”

Shadow wasn’t supposed to be hearing any of this. That had been made very clear by the almost hushed tones and the fact that when he had bumped into a vase behind him that he swore hadn’t been there before, the talking stopped, plunging the hallway into complete silence.

Well, fuck him if that wasn’t ominous.

Someone was coming, the steps muffled by the carpet in Tower’s office slowly nearing the door. The handle was cautiously lowered, and as the door was thrown open, the four figures in the room were met with an empty corridor, no evidence of where the sound might’ve come from.

Shadow didn’t really need to speak to Tower; he could handle the mission by himself just fine. That’s why he was already halfway through the woods now, no other reason.
He might’ve forgotten to warn Rouge that he was leaving for at least a day, but she’d be fine; she had his position (on the other phone, not the G.U.N. communicator, but he digressed), and if she got bored, she could talk to Knuckles!

Shadow really hoped to finish this soon; he had things to do, and none of them involved spending all of his time stealing a damn generator.

Putting the coordinates for Eggman's base in his communicator, Shadow sped off in the indicated direction.

It took Shadow two hours to reach the mountain range, his path taking him through narrow trails that curled around tall trees deep in the forest, the air getting colder as he neared his target. He could hear the distant flow of water, likely melted from a glacier farther up the mountains, small streams meeting to form a river.

Shadow wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but he had stopped multiple times as he came across those smaller canals, taking his gloves off to feel the gelid water glide through his fur, rendering his skin numb multiple times.
He had watched the reflection of the sun on the small ripples, the movements distorting the inverted images of the surrounding trees, pointedly avoiding his own.

As Shadow scaled the mountain, the amount of trees started to dwindle, leaving only the grass and eroded rocks to accompany him.
He had also met some cows at one point, the frolicking critters staring at him with their big black eyes full of curiosity, a couple mooing at him as he passed before going back to eating their grass on the dangerously steep drops they had climbed.

Soon, the hedgehog found almost no grass either, having reached over ten thousand feet in altitude. Everywhere he looked he found crumbled rocks, the cold breeze of the city being no match for the biting air that surrounded him, forcing a shiver out of him. It was silent, very, the only sounds being the distant jingle of the bells around the cows’ necks and the wind hitting the sides of the mountain.

Distantly, Shadow wished he could’ve come here when he first arrived on earth. And even more intimately, he wondered if Sonic would’ve ever moved here with him.

What a foolish idea, Sonic loved being near his friends; being here with just him wouldn’t have been enough. Shadow discarded the thought altogether, going back to climbing.

His search was finally rewarded when he reached the nearest flat surface, a big structure sitting a couple of feet away from him.
It looked like a typical evil lair, all spiky and dark, a stark contrast to the almost white background of the rocks. It stood right at the bottom of another tall peak, overseeing the whole valley. Shadow could see the distant river descending the entire mountain from there, ending in a big lake.
It was breathtaking, truly.
But the dark hedgehog had already wasted enough time amusing himself with the wonders of nature; he needed to break into the base.

The door looked like thick metal, maybe tungsten, Shadow wouldn’t be surprised if Robotnik had somehow managed to get ahold of it.
More importantly, this meant that he wouldn’t be able to blast through it like last time. He had to do this the old-fashioned way, by hacking into the system. Shadow groaned, turning on his communicator so he could connect it to the door.

It took him ten minutes to force the entrance to open, which was eight minutes too many, in his humble opinion. He made a mental note to refresh his hacking abilities when he went back and entered the lair.

The lights were out, leaving the structure in the dark, hiding anything that might’ve been lurking in the corners of the halls. The only source of illumination were the open doors, the rays reaching into the umbra as if trying to hold the hedgehog from going further than their grasp.

Shadow kept walking, paying no mind to the retreating glow, soon reaching the boundary between the safety of visibility and the complete unknown of the lair.

He had no choice but to go deeper into the base.

Taking a few more steps, the hedgehog was left in complete darkness, the only thing guiding him being the memory of the map he had seen in the documents sent by Tower. Shadow could visualize the way he had to go to find the generator; now the only problem was making sure that he stuck to it.

As he walked through the hallways, he could hear the low humming sound of machinery, constant and never changing, almost like the facility itself had been breathing.
Now that his eyes were starting to adjust to the absence of light, he could see a bit better around him. It was clear that Robotnik had put a lot of thought into this place, from the materials chosen to the design of the structure.
It was almost… pleasant, the way that the metal curved on the uneven walls, masterfully crafted with the precision of a mad genius.

There hadn’t been many doors in the corridor, and every time Shadow met one, he didn’t extend it more than a glance. He already knew where he needed to go; there was no need (or time, if he wanted to get back home at a respectable hour) to stop and explore.

However, as he kept walking deeper into the lair, his eyes straining to take in his surroundings, he came across an interesting-looking door.
It exuded a kind of ambience of importance that was hard to miss, being significantly bigger than the rest and visibly closed shut. On the side, mounted on the metal wall, Shadow could see a touchpad, dead like the lights. He stopped to observe it, the peculiar design different from the usual ones adopted by the doctor.

Figuring that just a look wouldn’t hurt, Shadow tried to unlock the latches keeping the door closed, being met with no resistance as the security system had been shut down earlier. He cautiously pushed it open, red light from within spilling out into the dark hallway. Taking a look inside, the hedgehog found a red globe positioned on some kind of structure. It wasn’t very clear in the dark, but it looked fairly intricate to his untrained eyes.

The hedgehog took a few steps into the room, the sounds reverberating through the silence—

…

Why was it silent?

Shadow froze, straining his ears to find the humming noise that had been following him since he had first entered the base.

Nothing, it had stopped.

Momentarily looking back at the glowing globe, he gave up his curiosity-driven plan and quietly walked back towards the door, sticking his head out and looking up and down the corridor.
He couldn’t see anything, but… one of his ears flicked, picking up a very low, distant hum, similar to the one he had been hearing previously.
It was coming from down the hall he had just passed.

Slowly stepping out of the room, he kept his eyes trained on that spot (to the best of his abilities considering the dark), before starting to walk backwards and away from there.

After a while, with the sound slowly getting lower, Shadow got tired of looking, and, figuring that whatever that had been had passed, he started walking normally again.

It hadn’t even been five minutes when the humming noise came back, slowly getting louder.

Ok, he was probably being followed, great.

The thing was getting closer, much closer, the sound of wheels rolling on the pavement finally revealing to Shadow the culprit, or culprits of such noise. Looking over his shoulder, the hedgehog growled in annoyance as a group of badniks rapidly approached his position.

Immediately turning around to face the robots, Shadow got ready to fight, his hands tightening into fists. He wasn’t far from the generator; he just needed to take care of this, and he’d be out of here in no time.

As the first few badniks rushed towards him, the hedgehog delivered his first hits, most of them going down with ease. He could feel himself getting back into the rhythm of a fight again, the movements coming to him without much thought and efficiently destroying a couple of the bots.
But after a few minutes of incessant fighting, the exhaustion that he had been trying to outrun for months made itself known again, rendering his hits weaker and less effective.

Shadow couldn’t keep fighting forever; he had to get to the generator room.
The badniks kept coming, overwhelming the hedgehog and forcing him to back up down the hallway, until he was forced to turn around and bolt, rapidly searching for the door he knew would take him to his objective.
He could feel the presence of the bots right on his tail, making his heart race and adrenaline spike, not unlike a prey being hunted.

Maybe this was his punishment for all the badniks he had destroyed, a judgement day of cables and code, absent of flesh, as it was not pure enough to administer justice to a being born from the artificial such as himself.

This was not the time for self-deprecation, though, and the door in front of him looked exactly like what he had been searching for.

Shadow threw himself at it, stumbling into the room, followed by more than a dozen bots.
Before he could even steal one look at the generator, he felt a heavy weight land on his back, the piercing sensation of metal and wheels sending him straight to the floor. He pushed at the thing and turned on his back, wincing as he felt his skin open, and looked at the bot responsible for his wounds.
The badnik had been equipped with a couple of sharp blades, probably what had scratched his back, and was currently flinging itself back on the hedgehog.

Shadow had just enough time to shield his face with his arms when the bot threw itself on him, the blades dangerously close to his eyes and pushing forward with great force. In a moment of panic, the dark hedgehog gripped one of the closest daggers in his hand, his glove sliced by the sharp metal. Piercing through the fabric, Shadow could feel it go straight to his skin, blood dripping down on his muzzle and a couple of droplets sliding down his arm.

Summoning some more strength, the dark hedgehog pushed the badnik away, the thing rolling on the floor before crashing into another bot.
Jumping back to his feet, Shadow turned towards the capsule that held what was powering the base, planning to grab it and run, but instead, he stopped dead in his tracks, stuck on observing the strange phenomenon in front of him.

Most of the badniks had gathered around the generator, creating some kind of barrier that blocked most of the surrounding area. Not one bot moved to attack him, keeping the structure protected on all sides.
They must’ve been coded to react that way, which meant that what was powering the generator was far more important than he had initially believed.

Chaos, what had Tower gotten him into.

Shadow needed to destroy the barricade if he wanted to reach the power source. The bots had tightly knit themselves together, leaving no space between each other, and the smaller ones had climbed higher on the others to make the barrier taller. It was genuinely quite a morbid look.
There were metal legs poking out of the mass, twitching like bugs taking their last breaths, and some bots had pushed themselves so hard against the generator that Shadow could see cracks on their shells.

Ironically, it was the most alive they’d ever looked, animated by the irrational urge to protect, their programming acting as instinct.

Discarding his observations, Shadow crouched down, an idea forming in his head. Pushing himself forward with his arms, he sped off against the barricade, crushing a couple of badniks and destroying the intricate tangle of metal limbs with a spin dash, leaving the other bots to lay uselessly on the ground, most still stuck together.

Tearing the cover of the generator off, Shadow wrapped his hand around the power source, feeling the familiar shape of a gem under his palm. His breath hitched in surprise, eyes widening.

A chaos emerald.

15 seconds.

Tightening his fist around the gem, he felt some more blood drip out of the open slash on his palm, staining the shiny surface of the green emerald.
The hedgehog hadn’t even completely taken it out of the generator when he felt an explosion of pain inside his body.

12 seconds.

Shadow fell to the ground, knees painfully hitting the metal floor.
It burned; everything burned.

8 seconds.

It was like he had been set ablaze from the inside out, his blood boiling in his veins. Unable to move his hand, the emerald stayed in his grasp, rapidly rising in temperature with him until he saw stars, resembling a flaming torch both in touch and in sight. It was glowing.

4 seconds.

Shadow’s body completely shut down, all his thoughts consumed by the flames that threatened to devour him whole. The last thing he felt was his hand going slack, the emerald rolling out of his hold and hitting the side of a metal shell.

1 second.

Chapter Text

Everything was bright, so bright.
The lights of the lab— Why had they brought him to the lab? He needed a hospital— were all on, the cold white glare blinding anyone who entered the room, forcing visitors to take a few seconds to adjust their eyes. Rouge had especially been very sensitive to the lighting, her bat eyes taking longer to adapt and leaving her with a pounding headache.

The first few hours, the headquarters had been a mess, scientists hurriedly running around and answering none of the questions that Rouge directed at them, leaving the bat to wander anxiously outside the lab.
Forced to find solace in Knuckles, she made him stay on call with her while she waited, sharing with him anything she could. Rouge had only been able to call him after the first two hours, which she had spent in complete silence, anxiety oppressing her voice and a burning knot stuck inside her throat.

The commander hadn’t shared much of what had happened, immediately hiding Shadow in the lab when they brought him back, only allowing the scientists and a couple of medics to enter the room.
That had been a few hours ago, and she had just now been allowed to visit the hedgehog.

Shadow had been put in a makeshift bed, laid down over some bedsheets arranged hastily on the metal workbench (which looked as comfortable as it sounded), and a lumpy, flat old pillow taken from one of the chairs in the office. He was awake, barely, and hadn’t tried sitting up yet. Rouge could see the confusion on his face, hardly concealed panic bubbling just beneath his eyes, so she hurried to his side, looking to comfort her friend.

The moment she entered Shadow’s line of vision, he visibly relaxed. Opening his mouth to speak, an array of hoarse, unintelligible noises poured out of his lips, before a violent coughing fit racked through his body, bringing tears to well up in his eyes.

Rouge rushed to help him sit up, hitting in between his shoulder blades with maybe a little too much force, mind still holding onto the fear that had been rising in her since he had gotten back.

It took Shadow a full minute to recover, the intensity of the coughing effectively waking him up. In the time that he had taken to recollect himself, Rouge had rushed off, loudly proclaiming that she was going to get him some water, leaving him alone in the blinding white of the lab.

Having been left with nothing to entertain himself, the dark hedgehog tried going over his last memories, looking for anything that might’ve explained what had happened, but, disappointingly, found his mind to be void, with no recollection of the earlier events before his collapse. It unsettled him, only being left with the physical consequences of his actions, unable to overthink his every move to understand if he could’ve prevented the disaster, since there was no move to revisit.

The sound of a door sliding open consoled him, momentarily scaring away his worries, his sore throat already yearning for the water bottle currently in Rouge’s hand. The bat wasted no time with shoving it in his hands, a couple of droplets falling on his chest from the already-opened bottle, the hedgehog paying them no mind as he immediately brought it to his lips, the cold water feeling borderline orgasmic as it slid down his throat.

Shadow didn’t get another second of grace from the bat though, her hand landing on his arm in a harsh slap before he was encased in a bone-crushing hug.
“Never do that again you idiot!” Rouge screeched into his ear, probably damaging his eardrum for life, making the hedgehog consider if he should just play dead again until she leaves. However, as he felt something wet fall on his shoulder, his resistance rapidly vanished, melting into his friend’s arms and settling with praying that her mascara was waterproof.

It took a few minutes, but when Rouge’s body finally stopped shaking with sobs, Shadow decided that he couldn’t wait any longer. He needed to know why his veins were mimicking blazing streams of lava, and why, when he brushed a hand over his arm, he could feel soot coating his every strand of fur.

“What happened?...”

His first words felt awkward on his tongue, voice different from the usually controlled tone, immediately bringing Rouge’s attention back on him.

“I’m not quite sure—” she sounded apologetic. Shadow wanted to tell her it wasn’t her fault, but he let her continue, unwilling to waste time on reassurances. “All I know is that the base blew up. Practically nothing was left behind.”

“Everything? Were they at least able to save the power source?”
The hedgehog couldn’t remember what it had been, but the thought that he had done all that just for it to be lost was maddening.

“I don’t know; the commander didn’t say anything else. It's just rubble over there.”

Shadow groaned, falling back on the hard surface of the bench, the thin bedsheets doing nothing to brace his back from the impact with the metal. He grunted, bringing up an aching arm to massage the back of his head. When he looked back up, he found Rouge giving him an unimpressed look.

“Whatever…” he grumbled, “So am I on bed rest, or can I go?” I have… things to do.”

Rouge’s glare intensified. The fact that Shadow might even suggest doing anything but recovering right now was disturbing, albeit not unexpected. She fixed him with a harsher look, hoping it would convey her full dissensus.
“You can’t be serious,” she scolded. “Shadow, I swear to everything that I hold dear, if you even just move from your bed I'll kill you.”

“Rouge, I’m fine; I just need a shower, and I'll be good to go.” He lifted the covers from his legs as he sat back up, pointedly ignoring the multiple bandages on them and leaving his feet to dangle off the bench as he prepared to hop off and leave.

“Don’t you dare; I’ll tie you to your bed if I have to,”

Shadow ignored her warnings, sliding off the bench and walking past her towards the door. He was just a few steps away from leaving when a hand encircled his wrist and pulled, the firm grip not letting him go even when he turned to glare at the perpetrator, his frustration gradually obscuring the gratefulness that reigned over his aggressive impulses.

“Let me go.”

“No. You need to rest; you’re hurt.” Rouge insisted, tightening her hold around his arm stubbornly.

“Rouge, let me go, I’m fine.”

Seeing Shadow growl meaningless words at her made Rouge’s exasperation flower, patience thinning like snow in the spring.
“This is the second time you've collapsed like that; clearly you’re not as healthy as you believe,” she seethed.

Rouge’s words were harsh, and claiming them as false would’ve been wrong; however, the dark hedgehog was far too angry to care, the bat’s logic obstinately ignored. Shadow tore his arm out of her grasp, turning back towards the door to leave. “Chaos you’re so annoying,” he muttered, the aftertaste of regret tinging his tongue the moment those words left his mouth.

“Annoying?! Shadow you told me you think you’re dying— That’s not ‘being fine’!” Rouge’s screaming echoed all the way down to the hallway outside the room, catching the hedgehog off guard and leaving him speechless as he stared at the floor in front of him.
The reminder of his possible mortality stung. And yet, the real blow came right after, from a much gentler, almost silent admission from the bat, her voice low and unwavering.

“I care about you… Don’t make me bury my best friend.”

Shadow could do nothing but keep his eyes off her, the anger retreating back to the deepest parts of his mind with a twisted satisfaction that left shame in its wake. The tension was oppressive, pushing at him like ghostly hands of scientists from years ago, the Ark now fresh in his memory thanks to the unwanted trip to the lab. He couldn’t turn around, couldn’t face her; he knew what he’d find, and he wasn’t sure of how he’d react.
So he didn’t, choosing to run away once again, rushing down the halls and out of the headquarters faster than she could make another admission that would surely shatter him.

Shadow just hoped she would forgive him.

He didn’t stay much at home after that, no, not at all. He left the apartment just a few hours later, when the sun had vacated the streets and the moonless night had started her uprising against the poets who only dared to write odes to Selene.

Initially, he had tried following Rouge’s advice, lying down in bed despite the newborn energy bubbling under his skin and his leg shaking incessantly, his mind jumping multiple times to the premature grief lacing her words that foresaw his demise.

But he could only be so strong, especially when his eyes kept falling on the flyer sitting on his bedside table, the date of Sonic’s newest show glaring at him in big, bright letters, almost like they had been designed to lure him out. Tonight Sonic would perform again in his favourite bar, right where Shadow had first discovered him, and the thought of missing it left a bitter taste in his mouth that just wouldn’t be washed away by hours of resting. As much as he wanted to listen to what Rouge had instructed, the hedgehog had better ways to spend his time.

Which is why he left the strict confines of his bed half an hour before the performance would start, armed with sharp eyeliner and a black baseball hat concealing his face.

Treading the familiar streets like a wandering soul, Shadow could still sense Rouge’s disappointment following his every step like a parasite, haunting every foot he traveled further away from his place, coaxing his own shame to join in in a messed-up play depicting him as the asshole who had discarded his friend’s concerns to follow the most primal of a being’s urges. The pursuit of his own pleasure.

The roads had been gradually getting emptier as the weather worsened, leaving his journey to be a lonely one, only sometimes greeted by the hidden faces of mobians who were wrapped up to their noses with heavy scarves and woolen hats pulled down to under their eyebrows, leaving their eyes as sole companions to the hedgehog’s night. The golden lights did nothing to warm the blue atmosphere that dominated the after-hours, although Shadow much preferred it to the grey of the day, his biased judgement greatly influenced by the hero’s palette (which he had been slowly integrating into his own apartment again, the number of green plants now ridiculous), the usually melancholic shade enchanting the dark hedgehog.

He took turn after turn, slowly getting closer to the pub, picking up his pace when the hour neared the start of the show. Shadow was close; he could see the light-up sign outside the establishment, calling to him like a lighthouse at sea.

A couple more steps and he was opening the door, bringing with him the cold of the night as he entered, a couple of guests turning towards the door as the small breeze gently tousled their furs, stopping when the door was once again shut closed.
Shadow didn’t mind the eyes; they'd forget about him the moment they turned towards their drinks again, engrossed in whatever activity they had chosen to pass the time.

Sitting down near the bar, the hedgehog hunted down his favourite server, eyes trailing over the whole place before he found them. Catching their attention with less than a wave, the mobian rapidly rushing to his table, Shadow ordered his drink.

He had no intention of getting drunk tonight, but in full honesty, he never really did. The alcohol just had a way of ending up down his throat every single time. He would've stopped, one day, but New Year's wasn't here yet, and it was no time for resolutions.

Turning his attention towards the stage, Shadow observed as the curtains opened, revealing the diamond of his night.

And the other two… anyway.

Sonic’s smile was intoxicating. Shadow was sure he could’ve exchanged alcohol for it and still gotten dead drunk. His dazzling makeup seemed to have gotten better, and Shadow realised it was probably thanks to the hours he had recently spent teaching the blue hedgehog how to use it. Satisfaction curling in his gut as he observed his handy work.

The show started, Amy's electric guitar making the crowd go crazy with excitement.

Shadow had been slowly getting used to the feeling that Sonic evoked in him when he sang, his heart being kept mostly under control and not making him experience the labours of Hercules every time the singer was on stage. He had memorised the whole line-up of the songs, the group rarely straying from the routine, to Shadow’s delight. In his humble opinion, he probably could've recited all the lyrics of all the songs while fighting multiple badniks together, just off the top of his head.

Shadow could recognise when Knuckles went offbeat, or when Amy messed up a note (albeit rarely), or when Sonic took artistic liberty in his singing, sometimes even changing the words of a song if he felt like it.

Rouge had caught him multiple times humming to himself, their melodies sometimes stuck in his head for days. She questioned him about it, and he always claimed them to be from a new vinyl he had bought (the bat had noticed the absence of an addition to his collection, but had made no comment on it).

And yet… Shadow turned back to the stage, listening curiously as an unfamiliar melody started, Sonic following with unknown lyrics.

This song was new.

It felt a bit different from their usual sound, capturing his attention completely as the singer’s honeyed words reached his ears.

“You know, I know
That I see through the masquerade
You're scared to get close
But I promise you'll be okay”

Sonic had written a new song, ok, yeah, that was fine.

“I wanna get closer, head on your shoulder
Talk about plans we have when we're older”

Was this a love song? Why had Sonic written something like this?

Something ugly twisted in Shadow’s stomach, his chest tightening to a painful degree. He could feel the nausea rising, his grip on the glass faltering.
Shadow set the drink down, not even looking in its direction; he was captured by the hero. He couldn’t breathe; he had to mechanically force the air in and out of his lungs and it hurt.

There was no doubt in his mind, Sonic had developed feelings for someone.

The knot in his throat tightened; he felt like something was pressing down on his chest, pressing and crushing and leaving him breathless, as if it was trying to bury him under the floorboards of the bar, never to be seen again.

Maybe that would've been for the better.

“I wanna get closer, it's getting colder
But maybe in your sweater I'd be warmer”

Someone had caught Sonic’s attention; they had captivated him enough to write about. Shadow couldn’t even fathom the thought; it pulled at his heart with cruel pinches, mocking him with every word that left the singer’s lovely mouth.

Sonic had fallen for someone else.

Why did that bother him?...

Shadow observed wistfully as Sonic sang the chorus of the song, physically unable to tear his eyes away from his personal singularity.

His own body's betrayal had never seemed so insignificant.

…

Oh.

…

He liked him, Shadow liked Sonic.

No, liked was too small of a word; it held nothing of what Shadow felt for the hero. Shadow was enamoured with Sonic; everything about him sent him spiraling in the best of ways. He loved his eyes, the emeralds warming his soul like a thousand suns. He loved his smile; it had bound his heart to the hero's fingers, the red strings bleeding it dry. He loved—

This didn’t change the fact that Sonic still had feelings for someone else. It had to be someone else; Shadow was far too damaged to cherish Sonic in the way that he deserved. He couldn’t give him the world (but fuck he would've tried, had he been given the chance), the hero must've known that.

Chaos he was messed up. He couldn’t do this to Sonic; the hero didn’t deserve to have all these feelings dumped on him, not from Shadow.

Bringing his attention back to the blue hedgehog, Shadow couldn’t even summon an ounce of anger towards him, fondness spilling out of him in waves as it overpowered any negative sentiment over the hero.
It wasn’t Sonic’s fault, far from it, and Shadow was honestly quite happy that the hero wouldn’t have to deal with his numerous issues.

Shadow would just have to take this secret with him to the grave (he could already feel the damp dirt of the burial under his feet, could taste the lack of oxygen in the casket—), what was he if not good at repressing himself?

The song was finally over, to the dark hedgehog’s minimal relief.

He tried concentrating on the following songs, but the two soul-crushing revelations of the night had left him miserable, the only consolation being the alcohol burning down his throat.
Sometimes Shadow cursed his tolerance to the beverage. His healing properties made it much harder to get drunk, leaving him to consume significantly more drinks than his friends. But tonight it was especially dismaying, the dark hedgehog’s desire to be unconscious just a distant possibility, taunting him with the sweet prospect of unlikely fantasies and a sweet voice calling solely to him.

Despite the aching heart, Shadow stayed the whole show, leaving only when Sonic had sung the last words. Exiting the pub and leaving behind the muffled chatter of the guests, he realised that he had never felt more alone.

Going home was anything but desirable to him at that moment, so, after ditching the stupid hat, the dark hedgehog took off towards the hills.

The absence of the moon left the hills dark, the blinking stars struggling to amount to the same fervour of the reflected light of the sun.
The wind had picked up since Shadow had gotten there, the tall blades of grass moving in tandem with it, resembling the tranquil waves of the sea when the breeze was nothing more than a gentle caress. The rustling noise born from the current joining the meadows guided Shadow through his mournful solitude, his damp eyes following the dancing grass with numb disinterest, trying his hardest to keep his thoughts from nearing their beloved blue hedgehog.

He had been sitting there for a while, physically unable to go back home to his empty apartment and frigid bed. Despite the broken heart, his features bore none of the sorrow carried in his chest, the placid look keeping the outside world from grasping even a shred of his anguish.

Shadow had no fight left in him, not then, not that night.
He didn't even turn when the sound of crunching grass alerted him of another presence, his ear flicking weakly in the direction.
Two familiar shoes stopped right beside him, the red still distinguishable in the dark.

Sonic stood next to the dark hedgehog, observing him curiously, a concerned twist to his lips.
“I heard what happened on your mission yesterday.”

Shadow graced him with a brief look, not at all surprised at Rouge’s inability to keep this to herself, seeing as she had obviously shared the incident with her boyfriend. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Sonic for longer, his chest squeezing painfully at the sight.

“Knuckles told me you passed out,” the hero continued, not completely oblivious to Shadow’s state, but quite uncertain of its origin, “Why are you out? You should be resting…”

The dark hedgehog left his question unanswered, not deigning him with another look. Sonic, his concern growing every second of silence, finally sat down next to the other, avoiding the distance that Shadow greatly wished would be kept between them, sitting so close their legs almost touched.
Sonic incessantly tried meeting the dark hedgehog’s eyes, twisting his torso so that he was face-to-face with the latter. But Shadow, with the grace of a grumpy five-year-old, moved his head in the opposite direction, leaving the blue hedgehog to stare at his cheek.

The hero huffed, unamused with the childish action, but as Shadow didn’t let go of the act, he sighed, sitting back in his original position.
He was more than worried; he couldn’t understand why the hedgehog was acting this way towards him. The more stretched the silence became, the more restless Sonic grew, voicing his distress just a few minutes later.

“I don’t understand why you’re acting like this… did I do something?”

His voice sounded small to Shadow’s ears, mercilessly playing with his heartstrings as the hero stared at him, anxiously awaiting a response.
Shadow felt a knot form in his throat, the reassurances piling up in his mind pushing at it desperately in an attempt to get out, but never reaching the blue hedgehog. How could he explain to Sonic that he had done nothing but also everything? That he had no fault in this even though he was the only reason for his torment?

So, he didn’t, letting the silence strain as it stretched even further, leaving Sonic with the responsibility of choosing his next move in a one-player game he had no intention of playing.

“Whatever it is, I’m glad you’re ok—” that wasn’t exactly what Shadow had expected, “I don’t know what I would’ve done had something happened to you.” Sonic chuckled awkwardly, the dark hedgehog doing anything in his power not to turn and stare.

Sonic always found a way to catch him off guard; it was terrifying.

“I hope whatever I did wasn’t too bad?...” the hero scratched the back of his head, another anxious laugh accompanying his words.
Shadow couldn’t let Sonic believe he was mad at him; it was eating him alive.
With a resounding sigh of defeat, the dark-furred hedgehog shook his head, still unable to speak as the fear of his shaking voice breaking in front of Sonic kept him silent.

“Alright. That’s good.”

After that, Sonic joined the quiet, quitting his plan of a conversation with Shadow in favour of just sitting in silence. And then, he stayed.

He didn’t get up and leave the other to wallow alone, didn’t run away; he just— stayed.
Shadow would never understand him.

The more time passed, the more drowsy Shadow became, the alcohol in his veins keeping him warm against the icy wind. He wondered if Sonic was cold, but after extending him a quick look, he recognised his own jacket wrapped around him.
Shadow’s ‘quick look’ rapidly turned into staring, his stomach dropping when Sonic locked eyes with him, the latter’s relief clearly written on his face. However, the relief rapidly faded when the hero noticed the puffy eyes of the other, the shine reflecting the brightest stars of the night.

The glowing red reminded Sonic of cherries, the ones you pick early in the summer by climbing the tall branches of their trees, staining your fur dark red.

They had gone harvesting for them four years prior to that night, on a cool summer morning when Sonic had managed to wake up early and drag Shadow out of the city. It had started as a competition for who could pick more the fastest, and ended with the hero falling from one of the taller trees right onto the dark hedgehog, squishing both of them on the ground (and sending most of Shadow’s picked cherries flying in the grass).
Sonic had begged the other not to leave after, convincing him to stay and enjoy some of their remaining cherries, Shadow accepting only after delivering a hefty string of insults to the blue hedgehog. That day had been seared into Sonic’s memory as one of the first times they had ever done something together that didn’t entail fighting, either physically or verbally.

The way that the cherries had stained Shadow’s lips had left him ill with how much he thought about it, inspiring songs that Sonic had never dared to perform to anyone but those same cherry trees in complete solitude.

The idea that Shadow of all people had felt enough pain that he had started crying was maddening. Sonic needed to know what had been the source of such a reaction, hoping to all the gods he could think of that it had not been him.

Years ago, he would’ve refrained from commenting on it, already expecting to be shut down for even questioning the dark hedgehog’s inner turmoil. But now? In the serene darkness that obscured most of what surrounded them, making it appear as if they had been floating through space (if not for the feeling of the blades of grass brushing against him), Sonic felt more confident in his instincts than he had in a long time.
Extending one arm, the blue hedgehog cupped one of Shadow’s cheeks, the touch almost non-existent with how light it felt on the latter’s face.

“Hey… what’s wrong?” The whisper reached Shadow’s sensitive ears almost instantly, his heart jumping in his throat.

Sonic’s hand burned on his face, forcing him to suppress the small shivers that racked through his body. He felt greedy, taking all of what was not his to have, the song still looping in his head like a broken record.

Shadow regretted everything in his life; from the moment he woke up to when he went to sleep, his life was full of shame. But no amount of guilt could beat the pleasure that Sonic’s attention invoked out of him. So he experienced no remorse when he pushed further into the hero’s palm, his tired eyes struggling to keep open.

Shadow could see the small smile forming on Sonic’s face, his pretty lips stretching slightly with the motion. The hero’s gloved thumb brushed slowly over his cheekbone, the sensation of the fabric against his fur keeping him awake and eliciting a soft purr from the dark hedgehog, his throat vibrating with the noise.

After more silence, Shadow finally spoke.
“I’m okay, don’t worry about it.”

The stench of alcohol took almost no time to reach the blue hedgehog, making his eyebrows scrunch up in worry.

“Shadow— are you drunk?”

“Yeah… probably. Was at a bar,” the dark-furred hedgehog mumbled.

Sonic sighed, the warm air caressing Shadow’s muzzle with how close they were sitting.
“Really? Rouge let you leave the house after yesterday?” He joked, genuinely wondering how the hedgehog had escaped the bat’s protective sight after collapsing for apparently no reason.
Shadow scoffed, half-lidded eyes glaring at the hero’s audacity to even question his motives, as if they weren’t obvious.
“I had a show to see.” He added, waving one hand dismissively.

A distant voice in his head told him he was speaking too much, revealing things he had fought to keep secret as sober. But that little voice had been telling him a lot of things lately, and not all of them had been true.

How was Shadow supposed to trust something so conflicted?

In his confused state, the dark hedgehog had failed to notice the look of terror crossing over Sonic’s face, the hero suddenly looking like he had just received the news of his imminent demise by the ghost of Christmas future. “A show?” the blue hedgehog gulped audibly, his voice hesitant as he spoke. “Was it good? …”

“Well, of course—” Shadow huffed, shaking his head at Sonic’s dumb question, adding a mocking tilt to his words before adopting a more earnest intonation. “It was yours.”

Sonic had no other option but to gape at the dark hedgehog, stunned from the unconcerned revelation that had just flipped most of his world upside-down. The two stared at each other silently, both having different reasons for their speechlessness. While Sonic processed this new information, Shadow had been brought back to a few hours prior, the heartache still ever present in his chest.

Even in his inebriated state, he recognised that his feelings for the hero made him irrational, making him utter things he hadn’t even comprehended until that night. Shadow hated not being in control of himself (ironic considering his affinity to alcohol), losing the autonomy he had fought so hard for when he had first been awakened from stasis, especially to something as trivial as a matter of the heart.
Except, it wasn’t just about the heart, not anymore; it was a matter of the soul, too.
The hole in his ribs had been torn open with the hostility of a cruel tyrant, claiming its dominion over the dark hedgehog’s existence, in any way that destroyed his ability to connect with other people. It had emerged as a matching bullet wound to his sister’s and rotted around the edges until it had decayed everything that was good of him.
Shadow had always believed it to be a dead garden of wasted possibility, with no way to reverse its putrefaction.
Despite that, something had still bloomed and curled around his ribs in a death grip, holding on with all the might that could be matched only by its source, Sonic.

Shadow had felt golden rays bring back the dead flesh of his heart from a steady decline, urging the muscle to pump some life back into the hollow hedgehog. He had felt them every time the blue hedgehog even just looked at him, every green emerald in the world being a cheap copy of Sonic’s bright eyes.

When Shadow had heard that song, he hadn’t just experienced a heartbreak but the collapse of life itself as he had started to love.

He couldn’t help but need to know who was now holding the gun to his chest.

“Who is it about,” Shadow whispered, tearing his eyes away from the burning sun that was Sonic.

“What?...”

“The song, who did you write it for.”

Shadow’s words rang out into the dead night, shocking Sonic out of his soundless stupor. The blue hedgehog stared dumbly at the other, caught off guard.
“Do you actually not know? …” His words were of pure incredulity, spoken so softly in case he insulted the dark hedgehog into leaving. But as Shadow turned back towards him with big, wet eyes and downturned eyebrows that fully displayed his distress, Sonic felt his stomach twist, unable to keep his hands off such a miserable creature.

The hero cupped the other’s hands into his, bringing them up to his chest as if he could let Shadow feel the way his heart was yearning to tear out of his cage and reach him (as if he couldn’t hear it).
Because Sonic was done with being subtle, for once, he wouldn’t just hope for the dark hedgehog to catch on to what he knew was already real. He wanted to say it.

“I wrote it for you, Shadow.”

Shadow was speechless.
It felt as if the alcohol had been knocked out of his system, leaving him painfully aware of everything that was happening.

He could feel his tail vigorously wagging behind him, the heat of his body rushing all towards his face, probably making him look sunburnt.
The blue hedgehog in front of him was staring with gentle eyes, the same ones he had been extending to Shadow for months (had it only been months? Or had he just never noticed?).

Shadow’s throat was dry, as if he had just swallowed a ton of scratchy sand, fueling his craving for anything that could squelch his thirst.
His hands, firmly wrapped in Sonic’s, were sweating profusely, the sensation of the sweat trapped under the fabric of his gloves almost distracting him from the revelation.
Keyword: almost, because nothing could’ve torn him away from the heavenly words that had just left Sonic’s mouth.

Swallowing down his reservations, Shadow timidly broke the silence,
“You… You did?” Wide carmine eyes filled with wonder lured the hero closer, the latter’s smile sweetening to a sickly tenderness, which would’ve made Shadow nauseous had he not been completely bewitched by it.
“But— why?” The dark hedgehog let out a sound suspiciously close to a whine, his conviction that he deserved anything but such high praise bleeding into his every word, just like the hero’s heart bled at the sight of such a self-loathing soul.

Sonic sighed, giving Shadow another affectionate look before getting up, still keeping the other’s hands in his.
“You’re drunk; let's talk about it another time.”
Shadow let himself get pulled up with no resistance, the two standing face-to-face with their hands intertwined.

“Let me walk you home.” The blue hedgehog offered with a whisper.
Shadow accepted, his small nod being almost imperceptible if not for the deep attention offered by the hero. Suppressing his disappointment with the reminder that Sonic had promised to see each other again soon, Shadow started their walk to his place, never once separating their hands.

Chapter Text

Soft hands explored down his back, sharp claws slowly drawing small patterns into his fur. He could hear a saccharine voice next to his right ear, pleasing whispered words flowing out of lips very familiar to his mind and caressing every nerve into weightless peace.
The pressure of the body on top of him was addicting, chasing away the emptiness of his too-big bed, always cold and with bedding a few days too old. Shivers traveled lower towards his tail, flowing over his spine with the force of a dying wave, becoming more tenuous as it progressed.

Yet, he couldn’t touch, couldn’t reach the ever-desired form over him, leaving him to wait until his brain would catch the end of a thought, mulling over it as it became more and more tangible, real, conscious.
Until he could recognize the incorporeality of his lover, being forced awake before he could even fully reach the conclusion.

Shadow’s waking wasn’t as gentle as his dream, instantly eclipsed by the nauseating pain that folded him in half the moment he tried getting up. With his arms pushed tightly over his stomach, Shadow fell back down on his side, pushing his forehead against the mattress and squeezing his eyes shut. His head was screaming at him with the desperation of a crying child who had just gotten their toy confiscated, which meant it was quite unnecessary and dramatic.

Shadow kept his mouth firmly shut, barely taking in breaths as the air just sent spikes of pain directly to his stomach. He was about to consider calling Rouge, opening his eyes just enough to look at his bedside table and starting to search for his phone, when he found an unexpected water bottle and a few pills laid out for him.

Pushing himself up with one trembling arm and a complimentary groan of misery, Shadow got another look at the pills.
They were painkillers, obviously, but he couldn’t remember if he had set them out the prior night in an instant of lucidity or not.

The note stuck under the water bottle told him otherwise.

It had been written on one of his light blue sticky notes, the handwriting messy but mostly legible, looking like a mix of print and scribbles that were supposed to be letters but looked like the author had given up on them halfway through. Picking up the bottle, the condensation on the plastic surface of the now-room-temperature water getting absorbed by his gloves, Shadow noticed that the item had left a circular stain on the note, slightly blurring the black ink of the unfortunate letters under it.

“Good morning sleeping beauty, I left u smt for the pain :) xx”

It took no genius to figure out who had left it.

A small, faint smile occupied Shadow’s lips, the hedgehog carefully setting the sticky note aside to open the water bottle, downing half of it before he could even ingest the pills. Taking two of the painkillers in his palm, Shadow swallowed them with the other half of the water, letting the empty bottle fall next to him, still open.

All that movement had caused another spike in his nausea, forcing Shadow to gently lower himself onto the bed and take another moment to recollect himself. Grabbing his comforter and pulling it up to his nose, it didn’t take long for the hedgehog to fall back into the arms of his mind’s favoured dream, the pain fading in tandem with his consciousness.

The morning had since been chased away by the rising sun when Shadow joined us once again in the material world, his clock now reading 12 pm. The nausea that had riddled his body was finally gone, leaving him perfectly able to abandon his bed and face what the day had to offer.

However, now that he was far more aware and his brain wasn’t weighted down by the few hours of sleep, Shadow wasn’t quite sure exactly what he had to face.

His memories of the previous night were… confusing, to say the least.
The hedgehog briefly wondered if he had hallucinated the whole ‘Sonic writing music for him’, but considering that that option would bring forth a copious amount of worries about his mental state, he granted himself the privilege of believing it to be real.
Shadow sensed a foreign lightness to his chest, the oppressing sadness that had followed every thought he devoted to the blue hedgehog for years strangely missing (which, now that it was gone, Shadow could recognise as yearning, a feeling he had scarcely experienced if not after his sister’s death). He couldn’t remember what he had said, his words forgotten the moment they had left his mouth, his attention solely on Sonic’s. So if the elation had come from an unwanted confession on his part, he had no way of proving it.

If he spent more than a few seconds thinking about it, it really wasn’t that reassuring. Like at all.

The dark hedgehog had half a mind to text the hero, maybe check if the other had blocked his number and blacklisted him from existing anywhere near him, but it would’ve been foolish of Shadow to believe Sonic capable of something like that, especially after the song that had been dedicated to him. Even if Shadow had pulled something revoltingly vulnerable from his deepest subconscious and dropped it right on the hero, the latter was far too kind to hold any resentment towards him, and would sooner die than treat him with anything even remotely close to repulsion.

Still, he didn’t dare check his phone, opting instead to leave his bedroom and investigate his kitchen in search of some tea.

His cabinets were dirtier than he preferred to keep them, the neglect born from the strenuous past few months manifesting into a thin film of dust that covered most of the surfaces. With a disgusted grimace, Shadow strictly avoided touching anything unless necessary, eager to prevent any of the filth from getting on his white gloves.

After digging for a bit in his cupboards, the hedgehog found what he needed, the small package of peppermint tea hidden behind an opened box of cereals from the Cretaceous era (or, more likely, two months ago).

It wasn’t exactly his first choice when it came to tea, and he had only bought it after finding out that Sonic particularly liked it. However, his favourite had been finished a while ago, the vanilla-infused black tea nowhere to be found, so this would have to suffice.
Setting up the same beat-up kettle that hadn’t seen the light of day since October, Shadow sat down at his dining table, his mind still occupied by yesterday’s events.

The recognition of his own feelings for Sonic had left him second-guessing years and years of rivalry, trying to pinpoint the exact moment when the blue hedgehog had grown on his heart like ivy, branches treading around his veins and extending all throughout his body, forcefully restarting his stone-dead core like a defibrillator.

Shadow was hesitant in assuming that he could do the same to Sonic.

He had always hated the generalisation of his character as simply a darker version of the hero, but he had little proof to present to support his distaste for such a belief. Sure, he could claim his own individuality as a person and detach himself from the idea of being a physical representation of Sonic’s contraries. But he wasn’t kind; he didn’t bring a sense of safety to his friends when around, he couldn’t create art in a way that reached the heights of vitality like the singer.

No, not like Sonic.

That’s probably why he had never confronted such opinions, afraid that he’d make them worse. If he failed to present his virtues, would he prove that he had none to begin with?

Consequently, it would’ve been impossible for Shadow to charm such a positive force like the hero with his continuous show of ire.

And yet, he had been the one to inspire a song from Sonic.

Not Amy, not Knuckles, not even his brother Tails. Sonic had written about him. The hero was constantly surrounded by equals in goodness and philanthropy, people who did good, and he had chosen to dedicate his music to someone as flawed as Shadow.

Maybe he really was an idiot.

The bubbling noise of the water broke his ceaseless train of thoughts, alerting the dark hedgehog that it was time to plunge the teabag into the scalding hot liquid and persistently push at it with a spoon until the tea turned dark green. A perfect way to distract himself, great.

The kettle was hot in Shadow’s hold, the gloves barely saving him from feeling the searing metal handle. He poured the water into a mug, the steam quickly rising and hitting him in the face, forcing him to blink a couple of times to get rid of the uncomfortable sensation in his eyes.

When, a few minutes later, the tea had successfully steeped into the water, Shadow picked up the mug and walked over to his couch, ungracefully plopping down onto the cushions and almost spilling the hot liquid all over his favourite quilted pillow (gifted to him by Amy, a couple of Christmases back).
Carelessly taking a sip of his drink, the hedgehog burned his tongue, hissing as he immediately parted his lips from the side of the mug.

Shadow was really getting tired of all these changes.

As of late he had been noticing, in his constant state of hyperawareness of his own body, that his resistance to extreme temperatures had been slipping. When he stepped outside, the cold autumn air would permeate forcefully into his bones, leaving his teeth to chatter and fingers numb.
Every time he cooked, he had to remember not to directly touch the burning handles, and he had been forced to buy oven mitts.
Shadow couldn’t even take hot showers anymore; the usually blazing water now weakened to a tepid flow. It felt pathetic.

His nights were filled with dread. The moment his head hit the pillows, fireworks of terror would explode in his mind, loud thoughts intruding every cell of his brain like the sound of the bangs on festive nights.
If Shadow tried closing his eyes, the following flashes of the outbursts would occupy the null darkness behind his eyelids, feeding him images that he had wished to banish more times than he could count.

Shadow couldn’t run from his own mind. He had been locked in a room where he was the sole perpetrator of his own suffering, and he had no way of walking out the door.

One particularly bad night, after an exceptionally easy mission that had taken all the life out of him and left him bedridden for a few hours, Shadow had wondered if this was how Maria had spent her worst weeks.
The hedgehog had seen the way she couldn’t leave the bed for days, switching between a constant state of dormancy and wilfully staring out the door of her room, finding that in the lowest points of her illness even the boring corridors would become objects of yearning for the girl.

Shadow had tried to bring her life through whichever activity he could find around her room. Coloring books and pencils pushed eagerly in her cold, tiny hands by even smaller paws. Board games balanced precariously on her bony legs under the comforter, the dice sometimes slipping from her grasp, the hedgehog trying his best to catch them mid-air every time, as if the moment that those dice touched the ground her heart would’ve stopped.

Sometimes Shadow would lie in bed next to her, sharing his warmth until he was dragged away by the scientists for more tests. When he had been smaller, Maria would even let him lie on her chest, holding him like you would a cat, the young hedgehog purring softly against her. They had to stop when he grew heavier, her fragile ribs unable to support the added weight.

It was weirdly comforting, knowing that he could finally understand what his sister had gone through, even if for just a few hours. Maybe they had never been so different after all; he just had to wait a few years to find out.

The afternoon slipped past Shadow like a fleeting thought, the hedgehog coming back from his bottomless pit of a mind near 4 pm. The sun would’ve set soon, the early retirement brought by the icy season.

Shadow was still sitting on the couch, or maybe he had come back there after doing something else; he wasn’t quite sure. The mug was still resting on the small table near him, the teabag sitting cold and soggy at the bottom. The hedgehog wrapped one hand around the ceramic, pushing himself up with the other to go and deposit the cup in his sink.

He had been halfway across the living room when a knock echoed all the way from the front door, the rhythm hesitant but blaring in the dead-silent apartment.

Shadow stopped, one ear mindlessly flicking towards the sound.
Leaving the mug on the nearest surface available (next to a little plant on a shelf, where he would totally forget to retrieve it from), he made his way towards the door, the incessant knocking making him scoff at the audacity of whoever had decided to bother him on a Sunday.

Completely disregarding the peephole, Shadow threw the door right open, fixing the culprit with a tired glare.

Except that when his eyes landed on the person standing in front of his door, they found no bothersome nuisance, but his own sun.

Sonic grinned at him, hands held behind his back as he rocked back and forth on his feet. The dark hedgehog’s irritation immediately wilted like a dying flower, leaving empty space easily filled with fond nervousness. He had never felt more awkward in his entire life, yet his heart sang gentle purrs that he vigorously fought to suppress at the sight of the hero.

Shadow wasn't even surprised by the fact that Sonic was still wearing his jacket, happily resigned to the idea that the blue hedgehog walked around with a piece of him on, no matter how insignificant. He was aware that he'd probably never get it back, and he was more than happy with it.

Sonic’s smile strained slightly as Shadow’s staring went on, the awkwardness not lost on him as the other's mouth made no move to emit any sound. Clearing his throat and stopping his rocking, the hero took the reins of the very-much-absent conversation.

“How are you feeling?”

Shadow first identified it as a weak attempt at small talk, easily interchangeable with a question about the weather. However, the genuine worry tinting every syllable spoke of the importance that Sonic would give to his answer, emerald eyes hunting his face for traces of a hangover.

“I'm… okay,” Shadow swallowed down the bitter aftertaste of a lie, tightly gripping the door handle. “Thanks for the pills.”

Sonic perked up, a mild blush dusting his cheeks, probably still regretting the forwardness of his little note.
“Ah, right, yeah, don't even mention it.”
And there he went again, scratching the back of his head like a cartoon character with a lopsided grin. Shadow snorted, the noise immediately caught by Sonic's attentive ears, the hero's grin growing at the reaction.

The silence didn't have long to settle over them, Sonic waving it away like dust, his sweet voice filling the corridors once more.
“Do you wanna go out?” He proposed, before quickly adding on one too many rambled words, “Like— for a run, y'know? Maybe the beach?— just to, uh, talk…”

Shadow stared at him, unamused, but unable to fault the hero for the same awkwardness that currently made his palms sweat and throat tighten, forcing his words out with the same difficulty of a child learning how to speak.

“Uhm… sure, yeah.” He nodded. “But we'll take my bike; I don't want to run there.”

To say that the look Sonic had given him wasn’t full of suspicion would've been stupid, and very much wrong, but to the dark hedgehog’s relief, the hero said nothing, simply agreeing with a slow nod.

And so, Shadow invited Sonic in, instructing him to sit on the couch as he got ready for their run.

Sonic’s arms were wrapped around him.

That was all that Shadow could think about and probably all that he would remember from that ride, everything else falling into the quickly fading background as the bike sped through the city towards the beach.
He could feel the hero resting on his back, his earlier awkwardness not translating to his current position, the blue hedgehog finding no problem with laying most of his weight onto Shadow.

Sonic acted like they had done this plenty of times before, as if this wasn’t the first time that Shadow had let anyone on his bike, leaving the dark hedgehog slightly unnerved at the unbothered demeanor.
But, Shadow thought, maybe the hero really was just used to being this close to him. They had been getting closer lately, as in physically (their dance on Halloween had surely become one of Shadow’s favourite memories), and Sonic wasn’t the one known for his reserved attitude.

That didn’t change the fact that the dark hedgehog felt just like a flustered teen experiencing the wonders of hand-holding for the first time, extremely elated but also way too warm. Did liking someone entail always having your body temperature so high? Maybe he was foretasting hell.

The coast was near; Shadow could already savour the salty air on his tongue, the stinging fragrance of the sea swirling in his lungs like a whirlpool.

The dark hedgehog parked his bike nearby, where cement met the sand, not very keen on getting grit stuck in his wheels and spending the next day furiously scrubbing at it. Turning off the engine, Shadow twisted his head to look at his passenger, Sonic giving him a small grin before hopping off, his hands hovering over the other’s waist for a second too long before retreating to the hero’s sides.

Sliding off his bike, the dark hedgehog turned to look over the beach.

The sun was close to setting, teasing the deep waters with his orange-red rays, the bright orb contrasting the misty blue of the darkening sky. The water reflected the star in fragmented streaks of light, the luminous band extending all the way to the shore, creating an unreachable path that led straight to Helios.
It distantly reminded Shadow of a picture he had seen while on the ark, found by digging through the library. The cover of the book was still fresh in his memory, rough-textured and of a dusty navy blue, the golden title something about art in the eighteen hundreds.

The hedgehog’s eyes traveled slowly, and as he finished the ground to cover, he turned towards the blue hedgehog, meeting two doting emeralds.

“So, what now?” Shadow asked rather bluntly, disturbed by Sonic’s lack of initiative as the hero was simply staring at him.

The hedgehog could still remember when, years ago, he’d have to hit Sonic just to get him to stay still, the hero always running around and making everything last half the time that it would’ve typically required. It was like the other’s time had been halved, making him rush through life as if it was one step away from slipping past him. Sonic’s impatience had gotten the two into hundreds of fights, Shadow highly irritated by his inability to recognise when a moment was simply meant to be lived through at a normal pace.

Although, lately, Shadow had found the blue hedgehog rather still.

His stares lingered, touches prolonged until they reached the line between acceptable and rather intimate. He savoured every word falling from Shadow’s lips, made runs last longer by sneakily slowing down when he got too close to the end, he let every second pass as if it mattered.

Sonic had slowed down with him.

“Care for a small race?” Shadow’s attention was stolen back from his reflections, unwilling to let any word of the hero escape from his grasp.
“I was thinking maybe until those rocks over there,” Sonic specified, pointing to the half-submerged reef on the other end of the beach.
It was barely visible from their spot, Shadow almost struggling to recognise it at first, but he had to admit it was a shorter distance than their usual races.

The dark hedgehog nodded, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Alright, but don’t come crying to me if you lose.”
They could’ve established a starting line, really, but Sonic didn’t even wait a second before sprinting towards the beach and leaving Shadow to stare at an empty spot on the floor in front of him, the latter taking off after him with an amused roll of his eyes.

It took Shadow a bit longer than he would’ve liked to reach the hero, but when he did, he started tailing Sonic like a hound. The two kept their trails almost intertwined, bumping shoulders and exchanging challenging grins and teasing quips— well, on Sonic’s part, Shadow would not waste breath on such a thing (he couldn’t). The blue hedgehog would sometimes run around the other before going back on his path, leaving Shadow to check his footing so as not to crash into him.

The rush was exhilarating, their speed picking up to surpass the dark hedgehog’s usual rate in his last few runs. The adrenaline was almost enough to obscure the searing pain in his legs, which grew in tandem with their pace, aching spikes reaching all the way to his head.
His heart was starting to feel claustrophobic in his own ribcage, and Shadow could swear that he had pierced something with the bone (he hadn’t, but the sting definitely mimicked it).

Unfortunately, it didn’t take much to send him crashing into the sand, his ankle bending awkwardly under his weight just as Sonic was running around him, making the dark hedgehog collapse right onto the hero.

Sonic’s back absorbed most of the impact, gracing Shadow with something soft to fall on, his head resting on the former’s stomach.
The hero let out a grunt when he landed, not bothering to sit back up yet as he massaged his head, hissing when his hand brushed against a particularly tender spot.

“Damn that hurt,” Sonic groaned. “You alright Shads?”

…

“Shadow?”

The hero pushed himself up, looking down at the hedgehog lying in a fetal position between his legs, who answered with a weak whimper.

“Shadow— are you ok? Did you get hurt?!” Sonic’s questions were quick as he tried assessing the other’s state, anxiously looking over him in search of any wounds.

The dark hedgehog couldn’t find it in himself to answer, eyes squeezed shut as another pang of pain shot through his body, his legs throbbing even when still.

“Talk to me man, what’s going on?!” Sonic’s desperation must’ve alerted the other, because he got his answer a few, painful seconds later.

“It’s— nothing,” Shadow’s voice was strained, his lungs aching to get more air in that his position did not allow.

“Nothing?! You’re writhing on the ground! Don’t lie to me— is it your legs?”

Guilt was pooling in Shadow’s gut, weighing him down even as he shakily unfurled from his position and tried to stand, trembling legs doing nothing to support him. “They’re fine; I’m just tired.” The dark hedgehog protested weakly, ineffectively trying to quell the hero’s worrying.

“Shadow I'm not stupid; I know something’s wrong with you.” Sonic followed him up, grabbing both of the other’s biceps to stabilize him, convinced his legs would give out any minute now. “Just let me help you!”

“I don’t need your help.” Shadow bit back, genuinely tired of people telling him what to do with his body.
Why everyone thought he was unable to take care of himself eluded him; he had survived this long alone, and he certainly didn’t need pity now.

Distantly, he was aware that Sonic didn’t deserve this treatment, his outrage greatly misplaced, but the uncertainty of his future had left the dark hedgehog constantly on edge, and chaos the hero was surely pushing at it.

“Stop being stubborn and sit back down.”

Why couldn’t he just give up. Why did Sonic have to be so kind all the time? He just needed to be left alone and he’d be fine.

Shadow growled, desperately trying to get his arms out of the hero’s strong grasp, every failure fueling his rapidly spreading anger. He couldn’t do this again; he couldn’t say the wrong thing to him too, he didn’t want to hurt him, but the words kept spilling out of his mouth like painful waterfalls, drowning every plea of understanding in a sea of self-sabotage.

“Chaos why do you even care?!” Shadow’s voice was loud, echoing through the silent beach with fury.

It was no match for Sonic’s own frustration, though, the hero screaming back with even more fervor, his words slicing through the last of Shadow’s walls and piercing him right through the heart.

“Are you really that dense?! It's because I love you!”

It was the sweetest wound he’d ever received.

Shadow’s breath hitched, stunned eyes going wide as he stared at the hero. His mouth was left slightly ajar, flaming anger extinguished, the whisper of another protest dying right on his tongue at the confession.

Oh.

That… was unexpected. Had he heard that right?
He searched Sonic’s eyes, fiery and determined, rivaling the burning sun right behind them. As the hero added nothing else to his confession, letting the other take in what he had been trying to convey for years, needing no explanation to follow his words, the dark hedgehog dug into his own soul, unraveling every defense with desperation to finally let Sonic hold what he had just claimed to love.

Another noise bubbled up in his throat, so grievous but so shy, shaking him out of his silence. Shadow bit his lips, trying to stop them from trembling. He couldn’t.

A sob, then another, so many tears falling down his face to join the sea. Uncontrollable, loud, and everything it had ever needed to be, cries and wails leaving his heart to be welcomed by Sonic’s own, the blue hedgehog pulling Shadow in as he fell to his knees, following him down to wrap his arms around him.
Blue fur got stained with tears and filled with sand, but Sonic never moved, letting the dark hedgehog’s weeping continue undisturbed, limiting himself to rubbing the other’s back, one hand resting firmly on the back of Shadow’s head.

Sounds close to speaking left Shadow’s throat, struggling to form into proper words through the sobs, the hedgehog taking a few tries before he could probably verbalize his thoughts through a whine.

“I don’t want to die.”

Sonic’s hand stilled in his quills, bringing himself back so he could look Shadow in the eyes, the latter turning his head in a feeble attempt at hiding his improper state, puffy red eyes and a pained frown stuck on his face.
A gentle hand to his cheek turned him back to face the hero, Sonic’s eyes searching eagerly for any kind of explanation.

“Why would that even happen?” He whispered softly, not even a sliver of a mocking tone in his words.

“I’m getting so weak—” a hiccup, “... I don’t think I'm okay, Sonic.”

Emerald eyes glinted with unshed tears, seeking anything that would tell him that the other was joking. Sonic’s hope was short-lived, the grief painted on Shadow’s face screaming at him that he was nothing short of sure.

“You’re not going to die, Shadow.”

“You can’t promise that—”

“Yes I can, and I will.” Sonic didn’t even let him finish, the fire burning in his eyes fiercely trying to shatter any doubt in the other’s mind, his grip tightening protectively. “I won’t give up on you, death will have to eradicate me from this earth if she wants even a piece of your soul.”

Shadow wasn’t one to be particularly positive, choosing more than once to assume the worst of a situation because it was, well, easier.
But how could he argue with Sonic? This absolute beam of hope acting as Shadow’s own star of the day, radiating so much love (which he could now recognise) that it might turn deadly.
Sonic’s thumb leisurely brushed against his cheekbone, caressing Shadow’s face as if it were a masterpiece tailored especially to his liking, finding no imperfections in his beloved.

The space between them left no air to not be shared, their noses a second shy from touching. Sonic’s eyes met his, emitting a type of confidence that eluded the dark hedgehog, movements sure as he leaned in. His other hand slotted perfectly in the curve where Shadow’s hip met his thigh as he sat, eliciting a shiver in response.

Sonic’s touch was familiar to the hedgehog, barely crossing lines that had been blurred long before, but its effect was still as fervently breathtaking as always, forcing Shadow’s mind out of its spiral to hyper-analyze every inch of distance lost between the two.

“Can I kiss you?”

The whispered request made Shadow’s heart jump in his throat, vision going blurry with desire as he could do nothing but nod, tail shaking vigorously behind him.

Sonic brushed away a couple of stray tears from his cheek; the crying and hiccuping stopped by the sudden request. The sun had long since abandoned them, leaving the honeyed yellow moon to shine in Shadow’s dark eyes, enchanting the hero in such a way that left his frantic heart racing. He had only ever dreamed of laying his hands on the hedgehog in front of him, never quite sure he’d be able to experience it, unfortunately very perceptive of how suppressed Shadow could get.

And yet, under his careful touch and loving gaze, the aforementioned mobian was staring at him with ardent longing, completely entranced and patiently waiting for his much-deserved prize.

Cautiously getting closer, their lips met in a hesitant union, interlocking like branches of nearby trees, like the sun kisses the earth on cold summer mornings.
Shadow wondered, only for a moment, if he’d ever feel warm again after this, nothing in his mind comparing to Sonic’s touch gracing his skin like sunlight filtering through leaves, everything paling in contrast with his treasure.

The hero’s hands secured their grip on him, pulling him as close as possible, yearning for any point of contact that he could create. Savouring every slackened moment that their mouths spent connected, Shadow was left completely breathless, in every way that he could be.

Sadly, that meant that he had to pull away from Sonic’s sugar-sweet lips.

The dark hedgehog lightly pushed the other away, the hero swallowing down a sound dangerously close to a whine. Taking in a big breath of fresh air, which sent Sonic’s scent right to his lungs, Shadow leaned back down on a blue shoulder, his arms sneaking around the hero’s back and locking him in place. Sonic’s hand found its way back to his dark quills, patiently guiding his head to fit right into the crook of his neck.

“You should rest.”

Shadow barely heard the words by how low he was speaking, but when he did, a small snort escaped his sore lips.
“And what if I fall asleep on you?”

“I’ll look over you.”

Shadow would’ve liked to fight Sonic’s dumb idea, but the idea of closing his eyes was currently becoming more and more tempting, the events of the last hour having left him absolutely spent, with a burning throat and pounding headache.

“Just… wake me in a bit.” He yawned into Sonic’s fur, the hero moving him so that he sat more comfortably in his lap, before answering with a sigh.

“Of course.”

Shadow smiled. A pair of soft lips landed on his temple.

Chapter Text

He moved the heavy curtain away, locking it in place at the side of the window.
For a second, the whole room was bathed in white, only mitigating when his eyes adjusted to the change of lighting. It was morning light, the one that felt cold and was always accompanied by a light fog, the slight blue hue still not chased away by the golden spears hidden behind the clouds.
December had barely started, only two days into the festive month, but Shadow had already received a couple of ads for Christmas presents and sales in his spam inbox.
He didn’t mind Christmas; its shallow incentive to act good appreciated even if inorganic. The intention behind an action had little value over the action in itself, he believed. Although the sheer number of advertisements that flooded his mail was highly irritating, Shadow could only think about one thing as every year he spent a good ten minutes deleting them.
Maria had loved Christmas, and so did Sonic, as the blue hedgehog had boldly proclaimed years prior at a party, trying to convince Shadow to join his friends for the twenty-fifth.

Those reasons were good enough to keep him from despising the holiday.

But Shadow was far from having to worry about presents and party invites, so he stepped back from the window and made his way towards the kitchen, the soft patter of his feet against the wood muffled by soft socks.
After turning on the fire under the kettle he had prepared the night before, Shadow moved towards the cabinets and took out two boxes of tea and two mugs, setting them down on the counter. Gently depositing the two teabags in the respective mugs and wrapping the small strings around the handles (to stop the paper tag from getting in the mug when he poured the water), the dark hedgehog settled in front of the stove, his gloved hands held up over the kettle to let the rising warm air reheat his numb fingers.

He breathed out a small, content sigh, eyes closing under the pressure of the yet-to-fade drowsiness from his awakening just a few minutes earlier.
Being so focused on the light burn of the heat growing on his palms, spreading gradually all over his hands, Shadow failed to notice the gentle steps nearing his position, until the sensation of arms delicately wrapping around his waist brought him back from his sleep-induced lull, his head snapping to the side to eye the person behind him, not yet used to Sonic’s physical clingyness.

The hero’s eyes were closed already, his head resting on Shadow’s shoulder as he nuzzled into his neck. An old sweater and warm sweatpants were currently saving Sonic from freezing to death, dug up from deep within the dark hedgehog’s closet after the hero’s unplanned stay at his apartment for the night. Still, the blue hedgehog had somehow managed to drag a woolen blanket with him, the item wrapped loosely on his shoulders and probably cleaning Shadow’s pavement as the other walked.
He was honestly surprised Sonic hadn’t woken up the moment he had opened the curtains, the couch sitting in front of them, hit first by the beam of light.

Shadow huffed quietly, amused at the other’s antics, before resting his own hands over Sonic’s and laying his head back against his, staring at the water as a few minuscule bubbles rose from the bottom of the kettle.

As a few minutes passed, the clock on his wall joining every passing second with a faint tick, the blue hedgehog on his shoulder started to wake again, emerald eyes roaming over the domestic sight in front of him, tenderness filling his gaze as he noticed his favourite tea in one of the waiting mugs, a small peppermint leaf stamped on the paper tag at the end of the string.
Tightening his hold on the other’s waist, Shadow subsequently doing the same to his hands, the hero noticed the glaring absence of cold metal against his fur, curiously peeking over the dark hedgehog’s shoulder to his wrists.

“Where—” Sonic’s voice croaked, making him cough, “Your inhibitor rings.” He mumbled tiredly, gingerly taking Shadow’s wrist and lifting it so he could observe the black fur lacking the iconic golden ring around it.

“Mhm?” Shadow hummed in acknowledgement, before answering the hero’s question, “Oh, I had to take them off.” He admitted almost shamefully, also looking down at his wrist.

“I needed the energy.”

Silence was hardly a thing to expect with Sonic, and yet, in that room, you could hear the hiss of fire on the stove; the blue hedgehog kept quiet as he processed the sheer incredibility of that admission.

“That’s… bad.” The hero whispered, unable to convey any other thought into words that wasn’t just a worried mess of questions. The idea that the dark hedgehog was so weak he had had to take off the thing that kept him from losing control of his own powers was inconceivable, especially since Shadow looked fine. Normal, even.

How had he not noticed that it had gotten so bad?

Unable to inquire more about the topic (and honestly unwilling to), Sonic eased the wrinkles in between his eyebrows and brought forth the other, insignificant question he had wanted to ask before getting distracted.

“Why are you up so early?”

Shadow turned the fire off, the boiling water being poured into the mugs by careful hands, still unpracticed with the motions of avoiding a first-degree burn.

“Tower called; he needs me at work,” the dark hedgehog scoffed, sharing his boyfriend’s anguish at being forced so early out of his warm home and into the freezing streets.

Sonic groaned, thumping his forehead against Shadow’s shoulder as he squeezed his waist, whining like an idiot.
“Can’t you stay a bit longer?”

“You know I can't,” Shadow sighed, moving out of the hero’s arms to set the warm cups on the dining table, Sonic’s going right next to the bag of cookies he had bought a week prior for his breakfasts, the blue hedgehog already warming his way into the apartment.

The two drank their tea in silence, the quiet sometimes interrupted by the rustling of the cookie’s paper bag or Shadow tapping on the wood with his fingers, the rhythm never straying from the same sequence.
With breakfast finished and the dishes left in the sink, Shadow instructed the hero to lock up after he left and went on his way, not before receiving a small forehead kiss from his boyfriend, who begged him to come back soon so that they could hang out more.

Shadow dreaded every step that took him closer to the headquarters, anything but eager to reach that depressing building, with annoying coworkers and dark, empty hallways that drained all the life force out of him.

The wind was strong that day, pushing and pulling at him, as if pleading with him to get back to his place and into the welcoming arms of the hero.
After a particularly cold blast of air that ruffled his quills and caused a sneeze to violently stop him in his tracks, the hedgehog briefly considered running back home and sending in his two weeks notice.

However, Shadow had bills to pay and a new name in his list of Christmas presents to buy that year, so he resisted the contradicting gale and made his way through the empty streets, meeting no more than a couple of mobians thanks to the early hour.
Tower hadn’t revealed the topic of discussion, keeping his call short enough that when Shadow had realised that he had been summoned at work, it had already ended. But the hedgehog wasn’t too interested in finding out, pointedly choosing the longest way to the building and keeping his speed to a minimum, which basically meant that he was taking his sweet time reaching the headquarters.

When the tall building entered Shadow’s line of vision, the dark hedgehog had already been able to waste half an hour just roaming around the city. It’s not that he was avoiding the commander; it’s just that— no… yeah, scratch that, he was avoiding the commander, quite openly too.
Making his way through the sliding doors and shooting a glare at the terrified receptionist to warn him not to tell Tower he had arrived, Shadow decided to extend his stalling by going to his cubicle first, maybe even searching for a certain bat who would block him into a never-ending gossip session.

Reaching the cubicle that held exactly one (1) personal item of his, a gum wrapper accidentally left on the desk, Shadow was delighted to find Rouge already there, digging through his computer as if it were her own.

Seeing as the bat wasn’t turning around to greet him, the dark hedgehog spoke up instead.

“Good morning to you too,” he deadpanned, crossing his arms over his chest as he took in the curious sight.

“May I ask what you’re doing on my computer?”

At that, Rouge finally turned around, glaring at him with suspicion.
“You’ve been awfully busy these past few weeks,” she accused, wagging a finger in his face that the hedgehog swatted away annoyedly.
“And you think the answer is in my—” He eyed the screen to see what she had opened. “Work email?...”

Rouge scoffed, crossing her own arms over her puffed-up chest.
“Clearly you’ve been up to something, and I didn't find anything in your personal one.”

Shadow might have purposefully neglected to mention his new relationship to the bat, both he and Sonic agreeing that they should wait a bit before revealing their business to their friends. And although he would’ve gladly revealed the new development in his rivalry if it meant staying away from Tower to gossip, Shadow wanted to respect his boyfriend’s wishes, and so, he shrugged at the bat.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Rouge’s gaze sharpened, not buying the hedgehog’s unbothered attitude, but pushing at him further wouldn’t have made any difference. If he hadn’t told her after the first week, he probably wanted to keep it to himself. She huffed, turning back towards the computer and closing the tab, logging out of Shadow’s account.

He would’ve thought about changing his passwords, but she would’ve guessed them again, so there really wasn’t any point.

Unfortunately, Rouge seemed to have nothing else to say, and not wanting to risk spilling his secret just yet in an attempt to fill the time and avoid what he needed to do, the hedgehog departed from the cubicle with uncertain steps.

Shadow hated how silent the halls always were, anything but relaxing when the only forms of life were the occasional plastic plant and (even more uncommon) a small bug that had managed to travel all the way to the inside of the building without being swatted against a wall.
It was eerie, the way his steps echoed down the corridors, never meeting an equal noise that told him someone else had decided to face those parts of the office like him. Shadow could hear his every breath, and every time he swallowed nervously, the sound deafened his sensitive ears, eager to pick up anything that would fill the quiet.
The ambience seemed to have been designed specifically to leave anyone too on edge to make any noise, proficiently maintaining intact the silence so masterfully crafted.

Tower’s office was just at the end of the hall, the wooden door looming over him like the blade of a guillotine.
It called him, urged him to throw it open, and face the bane of his existence. And the person who signed his paychecks.

With a tense sigh and a forcefully steady hand, Shadow gripped the cold handle and turned it, revealing the commander’s office to his careful eyes.

Tower wasn’t at his desk, surprisingly, but sitting on one of the small sofas on the left of the room, the deep maroon cushions complimenting nicely the dark wood of the walls. It was a big contrast if observed next to the grey corridor the hedgehog had just traversed, as if located in a completely different building. Facing the door, right behind the desk, was a great window overlooking the city, which was just now starting to wake up, cars and small little ants moving around the miniscule roads.
Next to one of the sofas was a small record player, probably much more expensive than what Shadow would ever be able to afford, and, playing very quietly, was a blue vinyl.

Shadow just wanted to go back home to Sonic.

Finally addressing the man in the room, the hedgehog met his eyes, the commander unmoving from his seat.
With eyes that held far too much satisfaction, of which the origin was unknown to Shadow, Tower nodded at the agent in acknowledgement.

“I see you took quite a while to get here.” The accusatory tone was anything but lost on the other, subtly lining every word like poisonous remains on the mouth of a bottle.

“You didn’t disclose if the topic of discussion was urgent, so I took my time.” Shadow retorted coldly, just like the wind that pushed at every window of the building, desperately trying to seep into the crevices and disturb the few employees unlucky enough to be working that morning.

Tower’s less-than-present smile strained at the disrespect. Clearing his throat, a forced laugh left the commander’s lips.
“I guess I didn't.”

Although for Shadow having at least one awkward and over-extended silence was mandatory for every conversation, he did not wish to waste time he didn’t have, and so, crossing his arms over his chest, he pulled the conversation right back on its feet, stopping it from fizzling out into nothing.

“What did you wish to discuss, Commander?”

Tower seemed to relax at that, turning to pick up something from the floor next to the sofa. He pulled up a small metal box, similar to those that held the important documents, and gingerly placed it on top of the coffee table in front of him.
Tapping the top of the box with one finger, the object opened, like a blooming flower in spring, and finally revealed the item that it had been protecting.

A chaos emerald.

“We were able to retrieve it after the explosion at Robotnik’s lair,” the commander started, observing Shadow’s confused face morph into recognition, “out of every option, I certainly didn’t expect this from a retrieval mission.”

The hedgehog swallowed down his unease at the sight of the gem, whispers of memories from the mission resurfacing from the depths of his mind like air bubbles, the flashes fading immediately the moment they reemerged.
He could remember wrapping his hand around it, the sensation of the cold stone touching his skin, blood— Shadow looked down at the emerald and found no red smeared on the side— but his mind didn’t dare go further in its recollections.
Distantly, Shadow could envision a red globe, blurry glowing code covering the whole surface. He couldn’t place it now, why he had found it so interesting, so familiar.

Opening his mouth to speak and question why exactly the commander had decided to show him this, Shadow found he couldn’t get far in his sentence before a great shock reverberated through the entire building.

Tower had just enough time to push himself up from the sofa when another shock hit the tower, the noise of an explosion quickly reaching the two. The headquarters shook again, the deafening scream of a siren going off to join the catastrophic uproar of detonations. The lights flickered, once, maybe twice, before a greater, much stronger explosion killed them, the only source of light being the window in the room.
The impact sent Shadow to his knees, and looking down the corridor, he could see the red flashes of the alarms.

Another explosion, the sirens went out too. The whole building’s power had shut down; only the emergency generators remained.

But there was no silence, the screams from the lower floors traveling all the way to the hedgehog’s keen ears.

A terrifying chill went through his body.

Rouge was downstairs.

He tried getting up, pushing with his arms and legs to make himself stand; he needed to get to her and get out of that place.

But, as much as he tried, there was no energy to support him.
It felt as if all the strength had been drained out of him, pooling out and seeping into the carpeted floor. It had been so sudden Shadow hadn’t even realised until now, with his legs shaking and vision blurring.

His heart was slowing. It wasn’t a trick of his mind; his heart was slowing—

Another explosion, his blood burned.

His breaths were shallow, lungs barely expanding.

The searing warmth didn’t stop his teeth from chattering, the extremities of his limbs quickly turning numb.

Shadow fell, the side of his face hitting the floor.

This was it, wasn’t it? He was dying.

Something pulled at him, tore and uprooted his insides with vehemence, constantly and insistently.

Shadow didn’t have anything else to give; his body was going slack and his brain slowing, but still it pulled, as if someone was taking a drill to his soul and emptying his every vein of life.

Muffled and distant, the hedgehog recognised the voice of his commander. With the strength he didn’t have, Shadow faintly moved his head to look at him.

“Shit—” Tower’s wide eyes were locked on him, only scared away when met by dark brown, tired and dull. The commander, looking down at the emerald, stopped dead in his tracks, a conflicted look veiling his face. However, he didn’t have time to think, and when another explosion shook the floor, he seemed to have made a decision. Tower immediately grabbed the gem, and, giving one last look at the hedgehog, ran out of the room.

Shadow was sure, in his last cohesive thoughts, that he was going to die alone.

Born under calculating eyes, dozens witnessing his creation with twisted satisfaction and no warmth to extend, he would die with no one to watch, no one to study his last breaths, no one to hold his hand.

No one would see his end, and maybe that was better than he deserved.

Maybe, just maybe, his death could be his alone.

When had it gotten so cold?

Chapter Text

Sonic’s day had been going great.

He had woken up on Shadow’s couch, his eyes immediately assaulted by the harsh light coming from the open windows, the grey of the sky greeting him with a promise of strong winds and possible rains. His boyfriend (just calling him that made warmth blossom in his chest) had made him his favourite tea, and they had eaten breakfast together, two ruby eyes openly admiring him with tenderness.

After Shadow had left, the hero had decided to kill some time by watching TV, mindlessly changing the channel until he had found something that could distract him for long enough.
Although he had outgrown the awkwardness that came with being in the dark hedgehog’s house long ago (like, a week prior, if he’s being honest), staying in the apartment alone felt wrong, reluctant about finding out what he was allowed to do without irritating Shadow for having touched something without permission.

He had found a mug with an old teabag in it at one point, abandoned on a small shelf Gaia knows how long ago, which was pretty weird considering Shadow’s insistence on keeping the place tidy, but who was he to judge? He had been pretty tired lately. Either way, after that he had been hesitant to explore alone, so he really had no other choice but to fill his head with nonsense shows and the occasional commercial for mattresses that looked like it had been filmed before the TV had even been invented.

Completely invested in the old soap opera that he had stumbled upon (which had apparently been going on for 60 seasons, so 52 too many in Sonic’s superior opinion), the hero hadn’t even noticed that it had been an hour since Shadow had left the apartment. Reality only coming back to him when an alert interrupted the show.

The screen had turned red, with big white letters spelling out a long warning, the artificial voice reading out the alert on repeat. Unease unfurled in the hero’s gut, making him sit up straight as he read the contents of the alarm. It wasn’t until he read the location that his stomach dropped, nausea peeking its ugly head in for the first time that day.

Eggman had attacked G.U.N. headquarters. Shadow was at G.U.N. headquarters.

Sonic couldn’t find it in himself to believe that the other could fend for himself right now. Not after that morning.
What if he collapsed again? Got stuck under the rubble of the fifty story building? What if Sonic wasn’t able to dig him out?

The hero was out the door before he could even think about it, feet moving faster than his racing mind as he sped through the streets and towards G.U.N., going against the stream of mobians fleeing the scene in fear of being caught in the middle of the attack.

Sonic avoided every single one of them, twisting and turning so as to not hit anyone as he ran through the crowd. Featureless faces passed by him in a blur, a dark sea, a current that pushed back at his every attempt to reach his lover. He could feel panic starting to chip away at his composure, frustrated at the sheer amount of people blocking his way, until he bid goodbye to his politeness and started shoving them aside, ignoring the complaints as he zeroed in on the distant smoke and noise of the explosions.
The cloud coming from the building was massive, flames trailing over the walls to reach the sky, extending their fiery arms to dance with the wind, red and orange tinting the dark clouds. The cacophony of detonations and screams was deafening, thunderous outbursts of fire and screeching voices overpowering his very own thoughts, leaving the hero to rely solely on instinct as he ran towards the ruins.

Swiftly avoiding blocks of cement on the ground and flying debris sent in multiple directions by the explosives, Sonic rushed through the smoke, blinking away tears of uncertain origin, as it could either be the thick dust infecting the air or the pit in his stomach that slowly swallowed every rational thought he could muster.

His dread-ridden heart skipped a beat as his eyes landed on a dark, familiar shape deeper in the grey fog, Rouge’s silhouette flying towards him with great speed.
When the smoke lifted, chased away by the beating of her wings, the hero was finally able to breathe a short sigh of relief, since resting in the bat’s arms was the unconscious body of his boyfriend.
However, Rouge’s terror-struck expression was quick to smother his solace, wide eyes overflowing with tears he had never seen occupy her typically controlled expression, pure terror capturing every twitch of the bat’s face.

She landed on shaking legs and ran to him, Shadow’s body protectively held close to her chest.

“Sonic!” She cried out, voice strained.

“Rouge, what happened?!” Sonic grabbed her arms, trying to support her in fear of her legs giving out.

“Eggman attacked— I don’t know, I was just outside the building and—” a hiccup “That doesn’t matter right now, Shadow, he—” there was mascara staining her cheeks, another sob interrupted her, forcing her to push the words out through cries.
“I can’t feel his heart.”

Sonic’s breath caught in his throat, making him choke on the bitter taste of smoke. His grip on Rouge’s arms tightened to an almost painful degree as he stared wide-eyed at the unconscious (dead? Was he dead? Had he been too late?-) hedgehog. The noises all around them mushed together into an unintelligible buzz to his ears, which were pinned tightly to his head, leaving him to listen to his own deafening pulse, cruelly ironic as he didn’t know if Shadow would ever get his back.
The hero’s hands subconsciously traveled down the bat’s arms until he was grabbing Shadow in an attempt to transfer him into his own hold, as if trying to fight the bat for him.

Rouge was hesitant at first, staring at him in silence, sometimes distracted by a hiccup that shook her whole body. After a few, painfully slow seconds, she seemed to understand the desperation coming off him in waves, letting Sonic take Shadow’s body in his own arms. And yet, now that he actually had him, the hero had no idea what to do.

The screams calling for help were incessant, eating away at him as guilt rippled through like hurricane waves hitting the side of a cliff. The two stared at each other in silence until Sonic tore his gaze away to dedicate his sight solely to the hedgehog in his hold.
He searched and searched for any movement, any slight rise of his chest, didn’t move until he did. A few specks of dust being pushed away by the air leaving the other’s nostrils. A small but unmistakable proof that Shadow was still alive. It was enough for Sonic, enough to give him hope that he could fix this.

“I’m gonna bring him to Tails,” he finally announced, his eyes still trained on the other’s face. Beautiful, Gaia, so beautiful, but so still. His brother would fix him; there was no doubt in him that he could (at least, he didn’t want it to be). He’d bring him to his house faster than he could take another breath, and he’d be fine.
Except, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t tune out the pleas for help. Dozens of voices infused with fear and horror drowning out the thoughts that told him to take Shadow and leave them to fend for themselves, to dedicate himself fully to taking care of his treasure. But Sonic was kind, and he cared, a lot, and for every single person he could extend his help to, he would have. Looking back at Rouge, whose eyes anxiously jumped between him and their surroundings, Sonic made a decision.

Reluctantly, he deposited Shadow back in her arms, against his soul’s wishes and supplications to keep him to himself. Clearing his throat, he tried to speak as clearly as possible over the noise.
“We can’t leave anyone under the rubble.” His eyes trailed over the hellish landscape, black and red (colors he had always adored) now mocking the lovely memory of his lover, acting as backdrops to the grievous scene. “Bring Shadow to Tails, then come back here to help; he’ll know what to do.” I hope.

Rouge wasted no time in goodbyes, immediately taking flight and darting away through the smoke, her form gradually disappearing from Sonic’s sight.

Turning back towards the collapsing building, the hero got to work, frantically searching for anyone that might’ve been stuck under the ruins, following the grim trail of cries rising with the fire. The view was… sickening. Sonic couldn’t see more than a couple of feet away in front of him, and maybe that was for the better. He tore pieces of walls and ceilings off people; every time a voice quieted down, he prayed to Gaia that it had been because of the heavy air or fatigue and not because he had been too late. He didn’t have time to stop and think; for every step he took into that inferno, he was met with someone needing help and calling to him, begging the same mobian that they had been openly loathing for years now to get them out of that dark abyss of soot and cement.
Every G.U.N. employee he dug out with his own hands, his gloves stained and worn-out, could do nothing more than stare, the moment their eyes met the daylight once again rendering them speechless.
As he found more and more people, thankfully all alive, Sonic could feel his hope growing, convincing him that he had not failed them, just like he hadn’t failed Shadow.

After a while, with ragged breathing as evidence of the ash and dust collecting in his lungs and aching hands, the hero saw a distant shape in the air, looming over the wreckage.
Dr. Robotnik’s egg-shaped hovercar was hard to miss, its familiar silhouette catching Sonic’s eye the moment it appeared overhead. He could finally make sense of why the doctor had decided to bring such destruction, so uncommon in his normal plans for taking over the world. There seemed to be no clear objective, no big speech about his superiority or whatever he usually said (Sonic usually tuned him out); he was just, there. Silent, watching everything unfold under his very eyes as another explosion went off further away.

Sonic could sense the severity of the doctor’s state, the seriousness that weighed down on them all. This wasn’t some silly battle; Robotnik wasn’t playing today. Why against G.U.N. of all things? He’d just have to find out.

“Eggman!” Sonic’s voice carried over to him with difficulty, but when it finally reached the doctor’s ears, the latter turned towards the hedgehog, a somber expression on his face, shrouded in sharp shadows created by the furious fire. It caught the hero by surprise, stunning him for a second. He had never seen his features bear anything even close to the heaviness of that look. Regardless, Sonic kept going, walking closer to the man.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” He yelled, glaring at the doctor.
“I suggest you stay in your lane and don’t interfere, hedgehog.”
Robotnik’s voice was dark, lacking any familiar tone usually reserved for his nemesis. The threat was real, every word sharp, slicing through the air with restrained rage.

“You’re going to kill someone if you keep this up— Are you insane?!”

“It’s nothing that concerns you. Now leave.”

Sonic’s own anger was starting to wake, the sheer incredulity of the situation leaving him confused and frustrated. He huffed, keeping his eyes trained on the doctor even as he started flying towards another part of the wreckage. Following Robotnik, the hero had no intention of giving up just yet, and so he called out to him again.

“I can’t let you do this; these people are innocent. Don’t make me stop you, Eggman!”

Sonic’s words seemed to have hit a nerve, as the doctor turned around, his mask cracked to reveal a deep, bitter scowl.

“Innocent?!”
The man’s scream was full of sorrow, crazed eyes barely concealed by the round glasses. The hedgehog stopped, his confusion growing by the second. He didn't get the chance to question him, though, because he found himself being pointed at by one of the cannons integrated in the hovercar, having been activated by Robotnik in a fit of rage.
“You don’t know what they have done; now leave or suffer the consequences.”
Through the severity of the doctor’s claims, fueled by pure desire for wrath, for one fleeting moment, Sonic could’ve sworn his lips had pulled into a woeful grimace, and he had muttered something to himself under his breath. “I can’t fix her.”

The hero had no clue what that meant, but his mind was growing impatient every second he spent away from Shadow, and the cannon pointed towards him wasn’t exactly inviting.
Silence once again enveloped the two, drowning out any other sound like a blanket over flames. The pieces were slowly trying to connect in the hero’s mind, emeralds darting around as if he could find a solution or an answer in the ruins surrounding him. He could feel it, on the tip of his tongue, but it slipped away before he could grasp it firmly, leaving him at a loss for words.

“Go home, Sonic. This isn’t where you need to be right now.”
Once again, the mournful tone returned to join the doctor’s voice, and Sonic, after one last look at the unsettling sight, left without looking back.

Dormant grass bent under the soles of his shoes, leaving behind a trail of broken blades in the lush meadows as Sonic neared his house.
He could see it in the distance, the tall roof that Tails had been forced to fix multiple times peeking through the distant hills. Located right in front of a big forest, the big trees shadowing the building when the sun was just shy of the horizon, Sonic had found it while on a search for his and Tails’ future house, after he had just met the small fox.
It had taken him a while to fix it up, the caved-in ceiling and chipping paint on the walls far from a welcoming sight. However, the hero hadn’t had any doubt the moment he’d first seen it; it was going to be their home for as long as that kit wished to stay.

And stay he had, soon being graced with the fond title of ‘brother’ by the blue hedgehog. Tails was smart; that was one of Sonic’s constants in his life, and why he had been anything but hesitant to entrust his lover to the foxes’ brilliant care. Sonic was sure that his brother would figure it out, so when he entered the house, floorboards creaking under his steps and hinges squeaking, he went straight to the back door.

Tails’ laboratory was an old upscaled shed, which looked fairly out of place next to the old building and dense woods. It felt like a portal to the future, all refined and much more well kept than anything else in the vicinity, as if it had appeared there just mere seconds ago, not enough to dirty the walls and roughen up the metal.

Sonic didn’t particularly like it, too futuristic and neat, which is why he had planted vines next to it, the plants crawling up the sides and curling over the edges of the roof. The added greenery helped tie in the structure, and Tails had never complained about the added touch that reminded him so much of his older brother.

The hero didn’t knock when he entered, forgoing any polite rituals like announcing his presence, as he honestly found them useless. Instead, his eyes immediately started searching the room for the dark hedgehog, unwilling to move until he confirmed that his boyfriend had arrived safely to his home.
Shadow was lying on a table in the center of the room, the objects that had been occupying the surface thrown carelessly on the ground, probably pushed away in a hurry.
He looked… dead. Honestly, Sonic had no other way to put it; it made his stomach twist painfully and bile rise. There was no movement in his chest, or almost; the hero could faintly catch the nearly nonexistent rising and falling of it, visible only against the dark background of the room.

The hero stepped closer to the table, slow as he grabbed the other’s hand in his. He yearned for the firm hold with which Shadow usually reciprocated his squeezes. The hand, now limp in his grasp, just served as a reminder of the dark hedgehog’s claims, so heartbreakingly convinced as he had argued about his ‘imminent death’.

Sonic would never let him be right, not about that. He had promised.

He let go of the hand, not reluctantly, not with difficulty, but almost eager to get away from that lifeless limb, cold and unresponsive, gleefully taunting him with its slack fingers and undetectable pulse.

Stepping back, Sonic turned towards his brother, currently bent over something on his desk and all but attentive to the hedgehog’s movements in the shed. The fox’s eyebrows were tightly knit together, his face contorted in concentration as he worked. Tails looked tense, which wasn’t very weird considering the situation, but Sonic could’ve sworn that the fox had always disliked Shadow. Maybe he had been wrong, he thought as he looked at the worry lines carved into a face much too young to know them.

Maybe he didn’t need to like him to care.

The dark hedgehog had never taken Tails’ behaviour personally, much to everyone’s surprise. He was weirdly perceptive when it came to children, and had always understood that Tails was just, well, scared.
Shadow had shared so with Sonic a few months prior, on one of their talks late at night in the hills. He was aware that when the fox looked at him, he couldn’t see past the bruises on his big brother, who so carelessly loved to spar and challenge the dark hedgehog and always came home with a black eye or aching bones.

But the hero’s smile had always been so bright, Sonic couldn’t understand how Tails didn’t see that.

“What’s up with the table? It looks like Frankenstein’s lab in here.”
The hero joked, looking to ease some tension from the young fox. His words fell flat, Tails turning to give him an equally concerned and awkward look. Sonic’s joke had been delivered with a deep sadness that couldn’t seem to abandon his every breath, followed by a small, grieving sigh. It wasn’t exactly the pinnacle of humor, so the fox felt justified in his skepticism at the false bravado.

“I needed to check for injuries.” Nonetheless, Tails answered the question, unable to leave his friend hanging.

“Oh, yeah, right— So… where’s Rouge?”

Sonic’s attempts at small talk were tragic at best, his usual charm chased away by the oppressive feeling of the body in the room. He felt as if it was looking at him, mocking the hero with the reminder that he had been too late, that he hadn’t done anything to stop Shadow from leaving the apartment. Sonic had known that Eggman was up to something; he had seen the restlessness growing the past month, after that stupid mission of Shadow’s, and hadn’t done anything to investigate because he had been so busy running around like a dumb fucking idiot with the dark hedgehog.
He should’ve known that G.U.N. was bad news from the start.

“She went back to the wreckage, said she was going to look more in the rubble.”

Yeah, that made sense. Gaia, Sonic hadn’t even stopped to look for more people after the talk with Eggman; he had just left like a coward. What a hero he was.

It took him a few seconds to answer, speaking only after delivering another miserable look to his lover, unconscious and so full of mysteries.

“Tails…” The boy perked up again, biting his bottom lip nervously as he observed the strange behaviour of the hedgehog in front of him.
“How is he?” The question almost didn’t reach him, the whisper escaping Sonic’s trembling lips through the knot in his throat.

“I—I don’t know,” Tails admitted shamefully, ears flat on his head. “He’s alive; that’s all that matters right now.”

At his brother’s heartbroken silence, emerald eyes holding much more sorrow than physically possible, he forced out what he hoped would be a consolation, unwilling to let the hedgehog suffer more than he already had.
“I’ll find out, Sonic. I promise.”

“Don’t push yourself too much, ok kid?” The hero sighed, and with a pat on the fox’s head, he left, too weak to remain in the same room as that body.

Sonic sat on the couch in their living room, silent and pensive, right leg bouncing up and down anxiously. He couldn’t even sit straight, resting his elbows on his knees, hands squeezed tight together and left to hang in between his legs. Dread gnawed at his insides, like little hungry worms creeping in his gut, devouring him whole. At one point they had reached the lungs, leaving him to force the air in and out through his nose, mouth kept sewed shut, not wanting to risk vomiting all over the hardwood floor.

Rouge had come back a while ago, looking more defeated than when he had found her, dejectedly announcing that she hadn’t found anyone else under the ruins. Sonic hoped it meant that they had gotten everyone out.
They hadn’t exchanged many words, both busy with running themselves into the ground with what-ifs and general feelings of guilt and frustration. At a certain point, the hero wasn’t quite sure when, they had been joined by Amy and Knuckles, the two wishing to be of help, somehow.

Knuckles had sat down next to Rouge without much of a greeting, just offering his hand to his girlfriend, the bat immediately squeezing it for comfort as she averted her eyes. Amy had started stress cooking a particularly difficult recipe, making the prep time longer than needed, like she was avoiding the stillness that she knew was coming, the image of a deadly quiet dining room haunting every mix of the batter. Claiming they needed to eat something as it was close to dinner and Shadow wouldn’t want them starving, she had yet to stop working.
Sonic had little to argue with that, and the noises in the background surely helped with grounding him, reminding the hero that he was not the one almost clinically dead on a table.

The evening had gently crawled over the sky when the back door had been thrown open in a hurry, the world painted orange and violet spilling into the dark, grey room like their own personal sunset, tenderly calling every head to turn towards the small kit, who was frantically waving his arms around and rambling like a madman. Every sentence interrupted by a gasp for air.

“I couldn’t believe it at first—” “I’ve never seen anything like this!—”
“It’s just— you have to come see.”

Sonic didn’t need to be told twice; the concern mixed with pure excitement on Tails’ face was enough to send him flying through the door and into the shed. Immediately joined by the others, the hedgehog deflated at the sight of Shadow’s still unconscious body, but as he turned towards the fox’s desk, his disappointment was quickly eclipsed by complete confusion.

Littered all over the desk were blood smears in microscope slides, at least a dozen, two still placed in the different microscopes on either side of the table. On a monitor on the wall, he could see Shadow’s silhouette, probably from a body scan; that’s not what had caught his eye, though. No, not at all.

All over the form, and he meant all over, were thousands (maybe more) microscopic green lights, so incredibly small and completely filling the whole silhouette, it felt like looking at his garden in June, when fireflies roamed free and in abundance.
Tails made his way towards his desk, pushing past the group with difficulty as they tried to understand what exactly they were looking at.

“Initially I couldn’t understand what I was looking at.” The fox sat back down on his chair, grabbing one of the blood smears and looking at it in wonder, “I double-tested it so many times, but—”
“Tails— how much blood is that?” Amy sounded worried, eyeing with uncertainty the blood smears and vials still full on the table, her eyes jumping rapidly between those and Shadow.

“Trust me, it’s better if it stays out of him for now.”

“What the hell does that mean,” Rouge spoke up, her patience quickly evading her the longer no one told her why her best friend still looked one step away from his expiration date. Startled by the agitation in the bat’s voice, Tails let the microscope slide fall on the desk, turning back towards the monitor on the wall.

“So, you see all those green dots?… They’re bots, thousands of them.”

The silence that clouded the room was tense; you could almost hear the sound of Shadow’s breathing. Everything had stopped the moment those words had left the fox’s mouth. Even the outside of the shed felt absent with how low every noise of the surrounding woods seemed, as if the world had taken in a deep breath and brought with it everything that could disturb the ever-so-fragile quiet.

“They’re not visible to the naked eye.” Tails grabbed one of the electron microscopes and brought it closer to himself, looking through the eyepiece. “But they seem to be some kind of harvesting nanomachines.”

At that, the fox’s tone quieted. Looking back at the group, the hero was shocked at the grave expression on his brother’s face, eyebrows pinched together in distress. “I think—” he broke eye contact, swallowing nervously.

“I think G.U.N. has been harvesting Shadow’s chaos energy.”

“What.” Sonic couldn’t believe his ears, and for a second he even wondered if he had simply been dreaming, and he’d soon wake up on his boyfriend’s couch, disturbed by the cold light of the morning. However, after checking that his hands still had five fingers and looking at the very real unconscious body in the middle of the room, the hero could do nothing but accept that he hadn’t been trapped in a nightmare.

“What the fuck, what the actual fuck.”
Amidst the silent processing of the other tree, Rouge had already progressed to sheer rage. It was understandable; she had been the one to comfort the dark hedgehog when he had finally come to terms with the absolute terror that was having no bodily autonomy, something that he had experienced for a good part of his earlier life. She had been the one to hold him through unexpected, deafening tears, the hedgehog never before having made that much noise while in pain.
Because that’s what it had been: pain.
Shadow had bent in half, crumpled to the floor like he had just been stabbed in the gut while he cried, his half-coherent ramblings haunting Rouge for months after. The idea that G.U.N. had been taking something so vital from him without any remorse, that they had violated something so intimate such as his blood, the very thing that kept him alive, and made it quite literally lethal was sickening.

Tails cowered at the unmitigated anger coming off the bat in waves, ears kept pinned tightly against his head, the venom behind her eyes making him forget for a moment that it wasn’t directed at him, but at the vile ‘people’ (if they could even be called that) responsible for all of her friend’s suffering.
Still, he wasn’t done, not quite, so he tore his eyes away from Rouge and found Sonic’s distant ones, the hedgehog clearly dealing with his own troubled thoughts. As their eyes met, Sonic visibly tensed, before forcefully pushing back the fog that threatened to pull him down a spiral in favour of reassuring his brother with a small nod, pulling his shoulders back to stand straighter in an attempt to resemble even half of the hero that he had been proclaimed.

Clearing his throat, Tails found the courage to continue.
“As to why he collapsed, my theory is that G.U.N. had been using the chaos energy to power up something, maybe even the generators, so when the power went out in the attack, the nanobots just— pulled, taking all the energy needed.”
Rouge let out a growl, arms tightly crossed over her chest.

“This would explain why I’m not picking up anything on my energy scanners. The signal is too weak to be detected.”

Momentarily ignoring that troubling addition, anxiety twirling his insides like a blender and leaving him on the edge of vomiting, Sonic found he currently only cared about one thing.
“Can you help him?” He pleaded, voice small and soft.

For once, there was no uncertain pause where Tails guiltily broke eye contact and admitted failure. Instead the young fox perked up, and with a firm nod, he finally gave Sonic’s heart a reason to start working again.

“I’m pretty sure I can.”