Chapter Text
Chapter 50
TRIGGER WARNING FOR MENTIONS OF SUCIIDE. NO EXPLICIT DETAILS, BUT MENTION.
AN: Wow, fifty chapters, thank you so much for the support. I hope you like this chapter. Next update will be in about 13 hours.
It has been two days since Tony found that Liza dead and since that happened, he hasn’t slept as he has been so focused on Kenzie and Harley. It is early morning and Tony, Kenzie, Harley, along with Happy and Pepper who are helping them, are at the Keener house packing up the stuff that Harley and Kenzie want to take with them to New York.
While Kenzie and Harley are in their respective rooms Tony, Pepper, and Happy are downstairs, Tony knowing from the kids what is important to them, packing up all those things as well as anything that seems like it may be personal.
“What’s going to happen to the house?” Happy asks Tony as they pack, assuming that he has already worked that out.
“That’s still being worked out,” Tony admits. “But whatever happens any proceeds go to Kenzie and Harley and will be kept for them until they are older,” Tony explains, as he is going to make sure of that.
“I thought that was going to be the case,” Pepper admits. “When are you going back to New York?” Pepper asks, knowing that Tony taking custody of the kids has been approved, something which the Stark Lawyers have worked to make sure remains secret from the public, so they can go back to New York whenever they want.
“This afternoon is the plan,” Tony says, though his plan is to talk to Kenzie and Harley to make sure that they are ready to go to New York.
“What about the funeral?” Happy asks curious.
“There’s not going to be one,” Tony explains. “Harley and Kenzie don’t want one,” Tony explains, as when asked Harley made a comment of, ‘no one cared when she was alive so why would they care now,’. “So instead, Liza has been cremated and we’re going to spread the ashes at a lake that Harley said was where they spent time with their mother when she was happiest,” Tony explains, and considering everything it does seem like the best option.
“That sounds really nice,” Pepper says, smiling slightly, as she thinks that would be a nice gesture.
“Yeah,” Tony admits. “Are you two alright down here? I want to go check on Harley and Kenzie,” Tony admits, feeling worried for them as he knows that, understandably, they aren’t handling things overly well.
“Yeah, we’re fine,” Happy assures him, and Pepper nods.
“Thanks,” Tony says, before heading upstairs.
Not long after he left Pepper and Happy Tony gets upstairs and he heads straight to the room which he knows is Harley, finding the door is slightly open.
“Harley?” Tony asks, as he knocks on the door.
“Come in,” Harley responds, and Tony walks into the room to find Harley just sitting on his bed, not really packing things up.
“Harley, if you’re not ready to pack up we can stay longer, we don’t have to go back to New York today,” Tony says, as he walks over to him, knowing that the one deadline they have is making sure they are back in New York for Peter’s birthday, and other than that he has no intention of pushing Harley or Kenzie into doing something they aren’t ready for.
“No, I don’t want to be here anymore,” Harley admits, as it is just painful to be in this house now, as Tony sits down next to him. “Tony, are you sure they can’t take us away from you?” Harley asks worried, as after everything he doesn’t want to be forced to say goodbye to Tony as well.
“Child Services here and New York have approved me being your legal guardian, after a year we will look into permanent options,” Tony explains, as while he doesn’t need to think about it, he wants to adopt Harley and Kenzie in a year, in fact he would do so sooner if he could, he wants to make sure that is what they want.
“What about Nat?” Harley asks, interested.
“Your mom made it clear that she wanted me to have custody of you, and Kenzie, that is why we were able to get it all approved without problem, she didn’t mention Nat,” Tony explains. “So right now only I’ll have legal custody, but when we look into permanent options, she will be involved in that too,” Tony says, knowing that as while he and Natasha haven’t talked about it in detail, they have had enough of a conversation for Tony to be sure of that.
“What if my dad comes back?” Harley asks worried, as he is smart enough to know that his father has more of a legal right, but he also knows he doesn’t want him, that he wants to stay with Tony, and Natasha, and Peter, and Tess.
“We’ll figure out how to deal with it,” Tony tells him, though considering the searches he has already done, and the conversations he had with the local police and child services he doesn’t see their father coming back being a strong possibility. “Harley, I promise you, I will fight for whatever you and Kenzie want, no matter what that is,” Tony tells him, and Harley hugs him in response, feeling incredibly grateful for him.
After staying with Harley for a little while, and helping him to pack up a little, Tony, after checking to make sure Harley would be okay, has made his way across the hall and knocking on the door to Kenzie’s room.
“Come in,” Kenzie’s voice responds, and Tony walks into the room and finds that Kenzie has done a lot more packing than her brother, in fact, it seems like she is trying to get everything packed up as quickly as possible.
“Hey Kenz, how are things going?” Tony asks her.
“Good, I think I can get everything packed up soon,” Kenzie tells him.
“That’s good, but Kenz you can take your time, there’s no rush, we can stay longer if you’d like,” Tony says, wanting to check to see what she wants, just like he did with Harley.
“I don’t want to,” Kenzie admits. “It feels wrong to be here without mom,” Kenzie admits, and considering everything Tony isn’t overly surprised by that.
“Okay,” Tony says with a nod, not overly surprised that both siblings feel the same.
“Tony, what do I do with rubbish, with things I want to throw away?” Kenzie asks curious.
“Just leave it, I’ll arrange for some cleaning,” Tony explains and Kenzie nods. “How are you doing, Kenz?” Tony asks her.
“I’m not really sure,” Kenzie admits. “I miss mom,” Kenzie says, tears coming to her eyes.
“That’s completely understandable,” Tony says, walking towards her and hugging her. “Kenz you’re always going to miss your mom, you’ll always remember her, but with time it will hurt a little less, you’ll remember her without it hurting so much,” Tony explains to her.
“Right now, it just hurts,” Kenzie admits.
“I know,” Tony says as he continues to hug and the two of them drift into silence.
Hours after Tony made sure Harley and Kenzie wanted to go back to New York the three of them have travelled to the location where the kids wanted Liza’s ashes to be spread while Happy and Pepper are arranging for the stuff the kid want to keep to be sent to New York.
“Is this okay?” Tony asks, as he, Harley and Kenzie get out of the car., Harley being the one who is carrying the container with the ashes in them. “We can drive around the lake, find another place,” Tony says to the two kids, wanting to make sure they are okay with what they do.
“No, this is great,” Harely tells Tony.
“We swam together over there,” Kenzie says, pointing to the bank of the lake a little way away, remembering that as her mum seemed very happy at the time.
“We did,” Harley confirms. “I think I would like to spread the ashes there,” Harley admits.
“That sounds like a good idea,” Tony says. “Kenzie, what do you think?” Tony asks, wanting to make sure she agrees with her brother.
“I think that would be good,” Kenzie confirms, and once she does the three of them walk over to the bank of the lake that Kenzie pointed out.
“What do we do? Do we say something?” Harley asks, looking at Tony for the answer.
“That’s up to you,” Tony tells him. “It can help to say goodbye, or talk about something good, or we can just open the container and spread the ashes,” Tony explains to the kids, having no idea if he is doing this the right way but he doesn’t know what else to do.
“I love you, Mom,” Harley says. “I miss you, you were a great mom, I’m sorry I didn’t see how much pain you were in,” Harely says, and while he makes notes of the words Tony knows it’s not the right time to remind Harely that’s it’s not his fault.
“I miss you mommy…. I’m going to make you proud, I’m gonna help people who are hurting like you…. I hope you’re not sad anymore,” Kenzie says, fighting back tears.
“Liza… I’m going to look after your kids, I promise you. I’ll make sure they’re okay,” Tony says, having no idea what else to say, and once he speaks, he opens the container Harely is holding and the three of them spread the ashes together.
A couple of hours after they spared Liza’s ashes Tony, Harley and Kenzie have travelled back to New York, and the three of them are walking into floor Ninety-One in Avengers Tower. As soon as they walk out of the elevator the three of them find Natasha, Peter, and Tess waiting, and as they do Tony walks straight to Peter and Tess to hug them while Natasha walks straight to Harley and Kenzie, who hug her once they are close enough.
“Oh Lapa,” Nastasha says as she hugs Harley. “Kotick,” Natasha says as she hugs Kenzie, kissing both of them on their heads.
“It’s not fair, Nat,” Harley says to her as she hugs him and his sister.
“No, it’s not,” Natasha confirms as the three of them break apart.
“Harley, Kenzie, I’m so sorry,” Peter says, as he looks between them.
“Me too,” Kenzie answers, and once she does Peter and Tess walk over to their friends and they both hug them, and while all four of the kids are hugging each other Tony walks over to Natasha.
“Hey,” Tony greats.
“Hey,” Natasha says, as she hugs Tony tightly and feels him kiss her cheek. “We’ll figure this out,” Natasha says as they hug together.
“Yeah, we will,” Tony confirms, as the two of them break apart.
“So, we have some dinner almost ready,” Natasha reveals, as she, Peter and Tess have been working on that, having made food they have seen Harley and Kenzie eat a lot of. “Harley, Kenzie, are you hungry?” Natasha asks them.
“I’m not sure,” Harley admits.
“A little,” Kenzie admits.
“Okay, so how about we try to each and see how we go,” Tony suggests, and as both kids go the six of them head towards their kitchen area so that they can attempt to have dinner together.
About an hour after Tony, Harley and Kenzie returned home the three of them, along with Natasha, Peter, and Tess have all attempted to have dinner and neither Tony nor Natasha were overly surprised when Harley and Kenzie didn’t eat much, but they did eat enough to make it so neither of them are worried about the kids.
As all four of the kids have gone to the bedrooms Natasha and Tony, wanting to talk to each of them, are in the corridor where the four bedrooms lead off.
“Who first?” Tony asks, as he looks around at the four-bedroom doors, honestly having no idea where to start.
“Oldest to youngest,” Natasha suggests, feeling that that would make the most sense.
“Makes as much sense as anything,” Tony admits, and once he does the two of them make their way to Peter’s room, knocking on the door once they ae close enough.
“Come in,” Peter’s voice responds and so the two of them walk into the room, finding Peter sitting at his desk looking between a textbook and something he is doing on his tablet.
“Hey Pete,” Tony says as he walks into the room.
“Hey Dad, Nat,” Peter greats, looking up at to see who walked into the room, but then he goes back to what he is doing.
“Pete, we wanted to check on you Solnishko, see how you’re doing,” Natasha says, as she and Tony sit down on the end of Peter’s bed, as it’s close to where he is at his desk.
“I’m okay,” Peter says, as he turns to face his dad and Natasha. “I feel really bad for Harley, and Kenzie, I want to help them, but I don’t know how,” Peter admits, feeling bad because he has no idea how to help his friends.
“You’re already helping them, Pete, just by being there for them,” Tony tells his son.
“You think so?” Peter asks, as he looks between Tony and Natasha.
“I know so,” Tony assures him.
“Pete, the next little while is going to be really hard for Harley and Kenzie, they’re going to need to adjust to a lot, so you being there for them, being their friends, is going to help more than you can know,” Natasha tells him.
“I really want to help them,” Peter admits.
“That’s because you’re pretty incredible, Bud,” Tony tells his son, and in repose Peter movers towards his dad and hugs him, and after they break apart he hugs Natasha. “So, what are you working on?” Tony asks his son once he and Natasha break apart, and Peter excitedly starts to explain.
After spending a little while with Peter Natasha and Tony leave his room and head to the room next door to Peter’s which is now Harley’s. Just like they do before they enter any of the kids’ room Natasha reaches out and knocks.
“Come in,” Harely’s voice responds, and so Natasha and Tony walk into the room where they find Harley working on the electronics, he brought with him from Tennessee, Tony knowing that he wants to build his own computer from scratch.
“Already getting started on your project?” Tony asks him, as he and Natasha walk over and sit down on the edge of the bed, just like they did with Peter.
“Yeah,” Harley admits, and after a moment of hesitation he puts down what he is holding and looks at Natasha and Tony. “It’s a nice distraction,” Harley admits. “I like being able to focus on something else,” Harley admits, causing both Natasha and Tony to exchange looks.
“Harley, it’s good that you’ve found something that helps Lapa,” Natasha tells him. “But it’s really important that you still feel what you’re feeling that you don’t ignore it,” Natasha tells him, as she can’t help but feel incredibly worried about how the kids are going to handle what happened.
“I’m not sure I know exactly what I am feeling,” Harley admits.
“So why don’t you talk to us about that,” Tony suggests. “It could help make sense of things,” Tony admits, though he knows that’s no guarantee.
“That’s just it, nothing makes sense,” Harley admits. “I miss mom, I’m sad, but I just don’t understand why she would do this, why…” Harley starts to say, but then trails off, not sure he can voice what he is thinking.
“Why what, Kid?” Tony asks, gently prodding him to talk.
“Why we weren’t worth staying alive for,” Harley admits.
“It’s not that simple, Kid, your mom loved you, and your sister,” Tony tells him, and out of the corner of his eye he glances at Natasha for help, not sure the best way to explain.
“But she was in a lot of pain, she was facing a lot,” Natasha says, realising that Tony is asking for help. “Depression…. Depression can be like fighting a battle every minute of every single day, fighting it takes everything you’ve got and sometimes it gets too much and the depression wins,” Natasha says, having no idea if she is describing things in the best way. “But like Tony said it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t love you, or your sister, it just means the depression got too much to keep fighting against,” Natasha explains. “It’s also why we want you to know that if you feel anything like that you don’t have to face it alone, you’ve got us,” Natasha tells him.
“I know,” Harley answers. “I… I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t,” Harley admits.
“Well, it’s good that we have no intention of going anywhere,” Tony tells him, and hearing that Harley moves from his desk over to the bed where he hugs both Tony and Natasha, who hug him right back.
“We’ve got you, Lapa,” Natasha says as they hug him.
After spending a while with Harley Natasha and Tony make their way across the hall to Tess’s room, which is directly across from Harley’s, and just like they have done with the boys they knock on her door.
“Come in,” Tess’s voice responds, and walking into the room Natasha and Tony find Tess sitting on the floor with books, magazines, and other papers around her, as well as what looks like two scrap books in front of her.
“Tess, what you doing, Sweetheart?” Tony asks, as he and Natasha walk over to where Tess is sitting both feeling a little confused as they know arts and crafts isn’t exactly something she does often so they are sure that she would have a very specific reason for doing so.
“I’m putting together something for Harley and Kenz,” Tess explains, not realising that that isn’t much of an explanation.
“What do you mean?” Natasha asks, as she and Tony sit either side of Tess, both being sure that they don’t sit on any of the papers.
“Everything is new to them now, this city, their new schools, wherever they end up attending, this place and the apartment, even our family, I wanted to give them an explanation something they can refer back to,” Tess explains. “I know there isn’t much I can help with, but this is something I can help with, maybe it will help them not feel so lost,” Tess explains, the logic making perfect sense.
“That’s an incredible gesture, Malyshka,” Natasha tells her, feeling rather proud.
“I felt like I needed to something,” Tess admits. “I needed a...” Tess starts to explain.
“Problem to fix,” Tony finishes, knowing he feels the same, and Tess nods.
“Tess it’s incredible that you want to help them like this, Malyshka, and I am sure that it’s really appreciated, but you need to remember that you can’t fix everything,” Natasha tells her, feeling concerned that Tess is going to go down the same rabbit holes as her father when he tries to fix everything, and she can’t help but feel concerned about what that would do to Tess as she has seen what that has done to Tony.
“I know, but this is something I can do,” Tess admits. “I have to do this, Nat,” Tess says, looking at her.
“I understand,” Natasha tells her. “I just don’t want you to try to do too much,” Natasha admits.
“I know,” Tess responds, and as she does the three of them drift into silence, Natasha and Tony putting their arms around her as the trio sit together.
After staying with Tess for a while Natasha and Tony leave her room and straight to the room next to hers, which is now Kenzie’s, and they once again knock on the door.
“Come in,” Kenzie’s voice responds, and Natasha and Tony walk into the room where they find Tess lying in her bed holding a teddy bear and very much looking like she has been crying.
“Hey Kiddo,” Tony says, in a kind voice, as he and Natasha walk over to her.
“Hey,” Kenzie responds, looking up at Natasha and Tony.
“It’s getting late, Kotick, do you think you’re going to be able to get some sleep?” Natasha asks her, as they walk to the bed.
“I’m not sure,” Kenzie admits.
“Do you want to talk about what you’re feeling?” Tony asks, as he and Natasha sit down on the edge of the bed.
“I… I miss mom,” Kenzie admits. “It just hurts… so much,” Kenzie admits.
“That’s completely normal,” Natasha tells her. “It’s what grief is,” Natasha tells her.
“I don’t like it,” Kenzie admits.
“No one does,” Tony admits. “But the way I think about it is that how much it hurts when you lose someone is a testament to how much you love them,” Tony explains.
“I love mom a lot,” Kenzie admits.
“We know you do,” Natasha tells her. “You won’t forget her, Kenz, you’ll always feel her with you,” Natasha tells her, and as she does Kenzie yawns. “Do you think if Tony and I stay with you that you’ll be able to sleep?” Natasha asks her.
“I don’t know,” Kenzie admits. “But I would like to try,” Kenzie admits.
“Okay, we’ll stay until you’re asleep then,” Tony assures her.
“Thank you,” Kenzie says, and she gives both Natasha, and then Tony a hug before laying back down.
A while after they talked to Kenzie Natasha and Tony kept their words and stayed with her until she fell asleep, and after she finally did fall asleep Natasha and Tony made their way back to the living room where they are now sitting on the couch together, Natasha leaning against Tony’s chest.
“You haven’t said, how are you doing?” Natasha asks, finally asking what she has wanted to ask about the last two days, but considering everything they have been focused on the kids, so she hasn’t had the opportunity to do so.
“I don’t know,” Tony admits. “I think it was my fault,” Tony admits, sounding guilty, and Natasha pushes herself off his chest so she can turn to look at him.
“Why would you think that?” Natasha asks confused, having no idea what that reason would be, but assuming he has one.
“Because of this,” Tony says, handing the note Liza left over to Natasha so she can have a look, and she takes the note and starts to read it. “You can see for yourself that she said she was comfortable in her decision because she knew I would, that we would, look after Harley and Kenzie,” Tony tells Natasha.
“That doesn’t make it your fault,” Natasha says as she finishes the note. “Tony Liza had been battling depression for years, you said it yourself that she had attempted before; it’s not your fault,” Natasha tells him. “She just couldn’t keep fighting anymore,” Natasha tells her. “If you hadn’t met Harley, and decided to look after him and Kenz, they would be completely alone right now,” Natasha reminds him. “Now we get to make sure they never are,” Natasha says.
“Yeah, we will,” Tony confirms. “You’re handling the whole two extra kids suddenly in the house, suddenly our responsibility, pretty well,” Tony notes, feeling incredibly grateful about that.
“I’m trying to,” Natasha admits, though she does feel a little out of her depth. “They need us, and I have no intention of being anything less than everything they need me to be,” Natasha says, feeling determined to make sure of that. “I just wish I could do more to help them with their pain,” Natasha admits, and Tony gets an amazed look on his face. “What?” Natasha asks.
“You’re pretty incredible,” Tony says, smiling at her. “And I don’t know how I would have handled any of this without you,” Tony admits, feeling incredibly grateful for Natasha.
“Well, it’s a good thing I have no intention of going anywhere,” Natasha tells him. “Whatever comes next, we’ll handle it, together,” Natasha tells him.
“Yeah, we will,” Tony confirms, and he leans forward and kisses Natasha, a kiss she gladly responds to, and without another word they both make their way to their bedroom, both expressing what they feel for each other with their actions rather than their words.