Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Anxiety hissed at Roman as the creative side reached to put his arm around the other, backing up like the anxious side normally did whenever one of the sides tried to touch them. 

“Oh loosen up sourpuss, you’re fine.” Roman scoffed, rolling his eyes and moving over to stand next to Logan whispering something just loud enough to hear, “He’s such an ass I don’t know why Patton-cake wants to keep him around.”

They bristled, retreating back to their room before they went off on the royal bastard and got themself thrown back into the darker parts of Thomas’ mind. It wasn’t even like Roman understood what he was doing or that it wasn’t the teasing that bothered them, he had a rather curated view on how the sides could function in Thomas’ mind, which was ironic as he was the entire reason they existed in the physical in the first place.

Slamming the door behind themself they slid down it, scrubbing their hands against their face in frustration before screaming into the near empty room silently thankful for the soundproofed walls that were a product of their time in the darker space.

They stayed like that for quite a while before feeling a not yet familiar tug pulling them to their spot on the stairs. They had already been in a sitting position so it was slightly less nauseating than if they had been standing, Logan was the only one speaking seemingly the one who had summoned Anxiety to their spot giving Thomas some kind of ‘fear is healthy sometimes’ talk.

“Anxiety here is just a bit too active, he-”

“Shut the fuck up.” They hissed scooting away slightly to avoid having Logan yell directly in their ear when he goes off like he sometimes does.

“What?” He blinked at them dumbly for a moment before a mix of curiosity and confusion crossed his face. “Is there something I said to offend you? I can promise it was not intentional and would like to know what it is so I can avoid it in the future.”

“You all are still much too stuck on what we can be to understand.” Anxiety hunched their shoulders up instinctively, a horrid attempt to make themselves simultaneously smaller and larger.

“Oh please mister ‘ I’m too edgy for the rest of you ’, I’m sure you have nothing groundbreaking to be upset about and are just being difficult because sir talks a lot here said that you work too much.” Roman took a defensive stance in both his tone and his actual physical stance slightly spread as if bracing. Anxiety hissed at him again drawing their sweater more closed around themself, half tempted to give Roman a reason for the action but ultimately unwilling to get hurt rough housing with the guy with a sword strapped to his waist.

“Stop calling me that.” They growled pushing as far against the wall as possible without seeming suspicious or looking cornered.

“Calling you what? Dramatic? Oh please, don’t lie to yourself.” Roman huffed back, crossing his arms and looking away, very annoyed that the conversation had gotten off topic despite having been getting frustrated at the main conversation in the first place, likely because it was about a different side than himself.

“You wouldn’t understand.” Anxiety was aware that being this uptight and defencive might be a bit overkill but their presence in Thomas’ view was at risk here and they would rather be uncomfortable then have to go back down to the dark again.

“Then explain it to us.” Logan, ever the voice of calm and reason stopped Roman from speaking again, holding his hand up to allow Anxiety time to think through their response.

“I don’t- it’s not- I- fine. I’m sick of being uncomfortable all the time with your cheery fucking personalities when you don’t even understand what you’re doing.” Anxiety avoided looking at any of the others picking though what they were going to say carefully before starting up again, “We all have differing opinions on what Thomas should do with his life right? We also have very different personalities and even minor changes to looks like Princy is a bit more fit and Teach is slightly more boxy.”

“Yes we get it Thomas made us different to understand us better. Get to the point Emo.” Roman was checking out his nails, summoning a nail file without even bothering to look up at the other.

“Roman be nice.” Patton chastised quietly motioning Anxiety to continue when he was sure Roman wouldn’t do anything but grumble.

“I'm choosing to ignore that.” They turned to look at Thomas again before looking down feeling like looking at him would only make it worse, “Because of that it tracks that we might be more different depending on how much you want to separate yourself from us and you don’t particularly like me- don’t even lie you know it's true- one of the ways your brain has decided to separate the two of us is gender, I’m not a guy or a girl really I don’t know much about what I am but it reallybothersmewhenyouguyskeepreferringtomeasahe.” Anxiety was speeding through their words as they continued to talk, picking anxiously at their hangnails as they waited for the reactions of the others and more importantly Thomas.

“Oh kiddo.” Patton said softly, reaching out but thinking better before he got too close.

“Still not your kid.” Anxiety said back quickly, the reference quickly breaking the tension in the room as Roman snorted and Logan let out a small huff, Thomas having to hide his face to prevent himself from giggling. Thomas clapped his hands together pointing them at Anxiety briefly before turning to Logan letting them both know they were not excused yet.

“Looks like I’ve got some research to do huh. Logan, you mind helping me? And actually Anxiety you know the most about yourself, obviously, would you maybe want to help? Might help you calm down for a bit and let ya take a break.” Logan nodded in response, happy to be needed outside of a dilemma and interested in this new area he had not yet been able to explore.

“Uh sure… just give me a bit.” Anxiety eventually nodded slowly, sitting down on the stairs with a sigh trying to hype themself up for what was about to be a lot of questions and socializing.

“So wait before anyone goes anywhere, what are we supposed to use? They/them? A different thing? I could come up with a lot of things you know.” Roman had changed his entire tune about all of this which they were all very grateful for and even more so that he had thought to ask though Anxiety shivered at the idea of Roman of all sides picking their pronouns.

“Oh uh they/them works fine I think, like I said I don’t know.” A half truth but enough of one that they didn’t feel protective eyes on them quiet yet.

“We’ll figure it out bud, I don’t want you uncomfortable.” Thomas smiled at them, something Anxiety never thought they’d have the privilege for but here they are spilling their guts and it actually working out despite the seed of doubt that had grown in their throat.

“...Thanks.” Their voice was barely there, hardly heard by Thomas but there nonetheless. 

“You’re still a part of me Anxiety, I’m going to care about you.” He gave them another smile, tilting his head a bit in hopes to seem a little more goofy which worked wonders as Anxiety let out a little happy huff turning away from him to hide it.

“Yah okay whatever you say Thomas.” He barely caught it but Anxiety was hiding a small smile of their own just the slight turn up of the corners of their mouth but more than Thomas could ever remember seeing.

Chapter Text

“REMUS! GET YOUR SPARKLY ASS BACK HERE!” Roman was yelling from somewhere in the mindscape, not that Virgil bothered to check where the twins had run off to, and it sounded like Remus had set another glitter bomb which he had become rather fond of after finding out how upset both Roman and Deceit got when covered in sparkles, especially if it doesn’t match their color scheme.

“Is he messing with them again?” Thomas had popped into the mindscape to talk with Logan and was now sitting on the couch in the main living room, peering up at the top of the stairs like a massive gorilla was set to show up at any moment and wreak havoc which knowing Remus might as well happen. 

“Likely. Wouldn’t happen so often if they weren’t so easy to anger but here they are.” Virgil didn’t bother to look up from their phone, settled on the floor in between the couch and coffee table with music blasting from their headphones so loud Thomas didn't know how Virgil even heard him in the first place.

“I thought he liked messing with Patton?” He tilted his head to the side slightly, a trait he may have picked up from the side in question. Virgil laughed at that, shaking their head in amusement.

“His response of screaming and running away must have gotten boring or something, she also likes being yelled at so, ya know, angering them is better.” They could barely stop giggling, as if the thought of Remus bullying any of them was funny.

“She?” It was a small detail only Logan would pick up on and he did, leaning over to finally join the conversation.

“Oh, have they not done their speech yet?” Virgil looked at them in mild surprise, shifting to sit better so they could actually have a conversation.

“I’m almost afraid to ask but… what speech?” Thomas whispered like Remus could hear them if he spoke any louder.

“Nothing bad just, hold on.” Virgil uncurled themself from their pile moving to stand so they could better project their voice up the stairs, “REMUS COME GIVE YOUR GENDER RANT.”

“Hiya I have been made aware I forgot something!” Remus hung upside down from a hook suddenly coming from the ceiling, her hair hanging down with the weight of gravity and swaying slightly in an imaginary wind.

“AHHH! Stop doing that!” Thomas jumped, nearly falling off the couch in an attempt to get away from his intrusive side.

“No <3.” Remus grinned widely, too widely, making it look more like his face was splitting in two than an actual smile. Logan sighed from their other side mouth drawn into a fine line in disappointment. 

“Did you really just spell the heart emoticon out loud?” Virgil asked sitting back down on their pile followed down by Remus who decided to get very close to their face breathing on them then hopping up to face all of them summoning the rest of the sides with a hand wave similar to Roman all in the span of a few seconds.

“Yes.” They grinned again, bouncing in place.

“You know what, not gonna ask.” Virgil laid on their back head falling back to watch Remus as he began pacing back and forth.

“Good choice! Anyway, Thomas! Sit.” Remus motioned to him as she started to bounce, seemingly hyping himself up for what was sure to be a ride of a speech.

“Uh okay?” Thomas looked at his lap double checking that he was indeed sitting still having not remembered getting up. Deceit gave both of them a look just this side of disappointed.

“Good.” Remus stopped just in front of the others making direct eye contact with Thomas.

They stared at each other for a few awkward moments where Thomas had to triple check that he wasn’t just imagining things.

“Gender is a dumb form of restricting the way people present and honestly too much work to keep up with. Skirts can be for anyone and nothing should be restricted to just one gender except maybe keeping prisons separated to prevent certain forms of violence.” Remus talked very animatedly like normal but his tone was very different and more serious than Thomas had ever heard.

“Oh.”

“I’m not done! If you're going to restrict people to genders it needs to be much more than two based on genitals because intersex people with both sets exist and people without either set also exist meaning at least four genders would be required for genital related categories but they are already categories and sex and gender are different things, again example: intersex people.”

“Is he going to breathe?”

“Probably not.”

“SHHHHHH! Gender was made by religions and societies to control who got rights and who didn’t so it's really a concept we should have gotten rid of as soon as being religious wasn’t required to live. Plus this anti trans bull shit about kids sawing off parts of their bodies is completely ridiculous. Some minors have access to things like hormone replacement but not surgery unless in some cases allowed by a parent or guardian who is the one actually making the choice. Also Thomas you’ve seen people mostly men use certain foods or supplements to boost testosterone right? Thought so. This means you’ve seen people openly using gender affirming supplements.”

“Wow he’s good.” Thomas said under his breath as he was left staring at Remus.

“When referring to me I prefer that you don’t stick to one set of pronouns because just one would be boring. Deedee and Virgin tend to stick to he/she/they but I like throwing random things in there sometimes just for fun!” Remus did his face splitting smile again showing off all his teeth in a way Thomas could never hope of representing in his series.

“Alright I can do that.”

“Thanks! Anyway I’m going to go dismantle a whale carcass and hope it blows up!” Remus spun around summoning a giant chainsaw which he began trying to turn on letting the noise and sight freak Patton out.

“If it does so you likely would be killed.” Logan squawked in surprise looking like he was ready to grab Remus at a moment's notice.

“I know!” She finally got it running, swinging it up and around and blinking out just before hitting Roman in the face causing him to scream.

“Uhg, I ‘am’ cleaning their clothes tonight.” Deceit leaned back on the couch visibly grimacing.

“I’ll do it.” Patton flashed them a little smile, very aware he was likely going to regret it but willing to do it anyway in hopes of being a bit more friendly with Remus.

“Put that on record please.” Deceit opened his book and summoned a glass of wine, settling back to wait until the chaos calmed down.

“Noted.” Virgil mumbled, making a note with the date included on their phone.

“Wait, why are you siding with him ?” Roman nearly fell off his precarious spot on the back of the couch looking between Virgil and Deceit in confusion.

“Because I don’t want to deal with their smell tomorrow and I can promise you, you won’t want to either.” Virgil groaned at the thought of how bad it would be sinking out to hide in their room. Deceit shrugged, nodding to the spot Virgil had just been sitting in.

“Well I ‘ did ’ say it so… Have fun with that Patton.” He blinked out as well leaving the three light sides and Thomas to wonder what just happened, each deciding that it wasn’t worth looking into at the moment.