Chapter Text
Bayley had been wrestling with her feelings for such a long time.
For years at that point, she’d thought her feelings for Sasha Banks were purely platonic. She thought it was totally normal for best friends to want to hold hands almost everywhere they went, to hug every single day of their lives, to playfully bicker just out of a desire to hear each other laugh.
But if the past couple of weeks had taught her anything, it was she hadn’t realised how far gone she was until she’d already passed the point of no return.
Now, it was impossible not to see it.
Before, she’d simply admired Sasha’s beauty as one would admire a painting. Pretty to look at, but too precious to risk touching.
Now, it was almost impossible to look at her best friend and not feel her heart thumping away in her chest, wanting nothing less than what Charlotte had.
But Bayley had been too scared to do anything about it. Scared of rejection, of making things awkward, of Sasha or Charlotte not wanting to be her friend anymore.
More than that, Bayley had always tried to be a mediator. She took no pleasure in conflict, always wanting everyone to just hug it out, as ridiculous, naïve or fanciful as that might be. She never wanted to come between Sasha or Charlotte. Destroying their relationship for the sake of stealing her own with Sasha from the ashes would be beyond abhorrent to Bayley.
So for what had felt like eternity, Bayley had shoved her feelings for Sasha deep down. Yet every single moment she spent in the incredible, gorgeous woman’s presence, the more those feelings oozed up to the surface, often causing her to make a hasty exit to ensure they couldn’t be released.
But no more.
Bayley had had enough of repressing her love for Sasha Banks. And today was the day she was going to finally woman up and do something about it.
It was going to be perfect.
She’d taken the Doctor’s advice and booked a table on a restaurant on a planet named Darillium for the two of them. One on the top terrace, with a view overlooking the universally known Singing Towers. The ones which, when the harmonic resonance was just right, would cause the wind between the two to generate a beautiful symphony felt down to the bones.
That particular table was usually fully booked up five years in advance. But with a time machine, that was not a problem.
Bayley had obsessively gone over every single detail to make this gesture as perfect as it could be. One important factor was what she would wear.
At the time, she’d dismissed it as her own wild and indulgent imagination, but she’d thought she’d caught Sasha’s eyes raking over the tight red dress she’d worn on Delfount 11, on the night of the Skovox Blitzer invasion.
If there was the slightest chance it would tip the scales to her advantage, Bayley would grasp it with both hands.
Bayley was interrupted from nervously setting the already impeccably prepared table by a wolf whistle echoing from the elevator. She turned to find Sasha’s eyes wide open, ruby red lips parted as she drank in the sight of her best friend.
From that moment, Bayley knew she’d made the right decision to wear that dress. Even Sasha couldn’t hide the way it was clearly making her feel, uncharacteristically quiet as her brain short-circuited for Bayley to see, hovering awkwardly just outside the lift. She couldn’t seem to help looking Bayley up and down.
But ever the chief jailer of her own emotions, Sasha shook herself out of it, forcing her lips into submission, snapping shut.
“What’s the occasion?” Sasha smiled as she swaggered over.
It took Bayley a few moments to respond, almost taking as long to respond as it took Sasha to reach the table. After all, how could she not? Especially when that baby blue dress was hugging Sasha’s hips just right. She looked breathtaking.
It wasn’t lost on Bayley just how much she’d learned from her time spent with Sasha over the years. If this was the Bayley of two years ago, she’d have been left drooling on the carpet, too lost wandering in her own mind to find her way back out again.
But now, she remembered herself with astonishing speed, learning that perhaps wearing her heart on her sleeve wasn’t always the best choice.
“Just thought it would be nice to spend some time together,” Bayley answered, darting around the table to pull Sasha’s chair out again.
“Thanks, Bay,” Sasha shot her a grateful smile, seemingly overjoyed that Bayley would do that for her. Oh, how Bayley would do anything for Sasha Banks. “But we spend plenty of time together on the TARDIS?”
“I meant just the two of us,” Bayley answered, sitting down in her own chair and picking the waiting bottle up off the table. “Wine?”
“Please,” Sasha nodded, moving her glass forward for Bayley to pour in easier. “Fancy place,” she commented with no short amount of astonishment, turning to gaze out at the towers. “That view is just beautiful.”
“It’s not the only beautiful sight here,” Bayley answered with a tone of awe.
Sasha snorted and turned back around, only to stop when she noticed the way Bayley was gazing at her.
Not with amusement at a corny line as Sasha had been expecting. But looking directly at Sasha with reverence burning away in her intense gaze. Instead of scaring Sasha away, it only seemed to entice her to look deeper and deeper, like Bayley was a home beckoning Sasha in.
Silence stretched between them, as the two women looked deeply into each other’s eyes. Bayley tried to say something, but it was like gazing upon the divine beauty of Sasha Banks caused Bayley to forget how to open her mouth.
Minutes ticked by.
The silence yawned ever wider, like a chasm eroding until the gulf was much too wide. And with every uncomfortably long minute which passed, Bayley was in danger of falling in.
“I can’t do this,” Bayley shook her head, the cutlery rattling as she threw down her tightly scrunched up napkin, which she’d been using as a stressball in her lap.
Bayley reached for Sasha’s hand over the table, slowly enough to afford Sasha plenty of time to pull away.
Except, she didn’t.
“Sasha,” Bayley uttered with nothing short of adoration as she said her name. “I’ve got something to confess. Something I’ve been running from for a long time, but I’m tired of running away. This life on board the TARDIS, it can’t last forever. And I don’t want to live with regrets. Sasha, I’m in love with you.”
It always ended the same way.
Sometimes Sasha would furiously yank her hand away before storming out, vowing to persuade the Doctor to kick Bayley out of the TARDIS for good. Sometimes Sasha would laugh in her face. Sometimes, their date would be invaded by Cybermen or Daleks before Bayley could get to her confession. Other times, a Weeping Angel would send one of them so far back in time that it would be to a barren wasteland, long before the restaurant’s construction.
But the nightmare was always the same. It had haunted Bayley for days, consuming her thoughts for so long she couldn’t remember the last time she’d gotten a good night’s sleep.
Every time before, Bayley had simply changed her sweat-sodden sheets, showering before trying to get back to sleep, or finding some new way to occupy herself.
For some reason, tonight Bayley didn’t choose either of those options. After a much-needed shower, something possessed her to walk out of her bedroom and in the direction of the TARDIS console room.
It was remarkable really. Bayley had imagined that standing alone in the vast, empty space with only the gently glowing teal time rotor for company would feel eerie in the lack of company. Instead, she found it peaceful, and oddly reassuring. Almost as if the TARDIS herself was trying to comfort her.
Could that be? Was the TARDIS truly as sentient and compassionate as the Doctor always insisted she was? Or was it her sleep-addled mind running amok in the dead of night?
Either way, Bayley found solace in the gentle background hum of the TARDIS. For a long time, she sat down in the chair beside the secondary control panel. A metal chair which suddenly had an inconspicuous cushion added to it, almost as if the TARDIS had known she’d be in need of rest. She was lulled by the serenity in the atmosphere, the subtly dimmed emerald glow of the room making it easy on her eyes, and something about this just felt right, the perfect base for peaceful solitude.
Bayley felt so relaxed that she’d almost forgotten about her nightmare and was about to doze off, when she was suddenly jolted back to lucidity by the sound of approaching footsteps, entering the doorway on the lower level. By the time she’d opened her eyes, the footsteps were now carrying their way up the stairs leading to the TARDIS console. And turning her head, that’s when Bayley saw her.
The very woman she’d been dreaming about. The one who was simultaneously the warmth in her life, and the one burning her, through simply being too radiant for Bayley to take in safely.
Looking perfectly adorable in pyjamas, yawning and brushing blue-green hair out of her eyes.
“Hey dude, what’s up?” Sasha asked, frowning at her best friend. “What’s got you up this late?”
“Couldn’t sleep,” Bayley said succinctly. But that was never going to be enough of an explanation to satisfy Sasha, and Bayley’s shield fell the instant Sasha fixed her with a suspicious look, eyes slightly narrowed and brows quirked. Bayley shrugged. “Bad dreams.”
“What sort of bad dreams?” Sasha asked, her voice softer than moonlight. She stepped forward, reaching out towards Bayley’s hand. And like the sucker that she was, Bayley could never resist holding Sasha’s hand, no matter how badly it blurred the lines. “Wanna talk about it? In my experience, talking helps.”
It was crazy to think such a thing was coming out of her best friend’s mouth. Of the four of them, Sasha had always held such a tight, iron-grip on her own feelings, trying to never let on whenever she was feeling scared or vulnerable. Any time Bayley had tried to ask Sasha about her nightmares when she was going through the roughest of them shortly after being rescued from the Master’s clutches, Sasha had staunchly refused to expose any detail about the nightmares plaguing her mind. Instead, Bayley had soon discovered that the best remedy she could offer was to distract Sasha, suggesting a trip to the TARDIS cinema, or the TARDIS spa.
However, those times seemed long ago and behind them now, with Sasha having slept soundly almost every night for several months now. It made sense now, if Sasha had truly learned to open up and confide in her girlfriend.
Even if it stung a little that Sasha never felt like she could open up to her best friend, Bayley was at least glad she had somebody there to help her through it, who she did feel safe to be vulnerable around.
But suddenly, looking into Sasha’s expressive eyes was like reliving her nightmares all over again, causing Bayley to flinch her hand out of Sasha’s, like it had burnt her. She tried not to see the sorrowful look in her best friend’s eyes from the sudden loss of contact.
“I dream I’m losing you,” Bayley finally found the strength to admit aloud, sharing a piece of herself with Sasha.
“Oh, Bay…is this about what the Ood told us?” Sasha asked sadly, her eyes shining with sympathy at her best friend, except Bayley didn’t see. She couldn’t, when she was preoccupied staring a hole through the metallic TARDIS floor.
“Sometimes it’s the Cybermen stealing you away for conversion, sometimes its the Master coming back to get you, sometimes its the Boss taking you away. Sometimes-“ Bayley hesitated, suddenly acutely aware that through her spiralling sharing, she was dangerously close to oversharing Dream Sasha’s more heartbreaking reactions.
“Sometimes…what, Bayley?” Sasha pressed on. For a moment, Bayley thought she saw something akin to hope in Sasha’s eyes. Exactly what she was hopeful for was beyond Bayley. Instead, she dismissed it as Sasha’s innate curious streak.
“Forget it,” Bayley shook her head. “Doesn’t matter.”
“It’s gotten you upset, so clearly it does matter,” Sasha reasoned. Her voice rose slightly, but not out of anger. But firm enough to ground Bayley, to keep her rooted in the present instead of spiralling further away. “I never want to see you upset, dude.”
Her term of affectation was enough to draw a little chuckle out of Bayley. Half of it was genuine. But the other half was bitter, soured by how utterly platonic that word felt. A reminder that what Bayley felt for Sasha, Sasha could never possibly feel the same way back.
“Sometimes I even dream that you decide to walk away, that you don’t want this anymore,” Bayley added after a beat. And then, she went quiet.
Bayley’s sudden silence was never going to fool her best friend for long. Sasha knew her inside and out. She knew how Bayley loved to talk. Not because she loved the sound of her own voice (though Sasha selfishly couldn’t help but think what a pretty voice she had). But because she never wanted anyone to feel awkward through long silences.
Of course, they had long been so comfortable around each other that they could sit in simply exist in companionable silence for as long as they wished without it ever feeling awkward.
But it was just so unlike Bayley to stay so quiet and still, clearly lost deep in the ruin of whatever was presently haunting her mind. Luckily, Sasha had one idea to pull her out of the wreckage caused by her insidious nightmares.
“Do you know why I still travel on the TARDIS?” Sasha suddenly broke the silence, the innocuous question working to break Bayley out of her neurotic overthinking.
“Why?” Bayley asked at once, and that’s when Sasha knew she had her attention.
“Because of all of you guys,” Sasha smiled, so genuinely that Bayley couldn’t help but devote her full focus to her best friend. “See, in the beginning, it wasn’t that way. Back when I was a total bitch, I was only interested in all these glorious new sights, believing that you, Charlotte and Becky were just something I had to stomach as a compromise.”
Sasha shivered as her mind was briefly cast back to the person she used to be. The woman who had built up impenetrable walls, using harsh words and unfair assumptions as armour. That way, nobody could sneak in and break her heart. But somewhere along the way, that had changed drastically.
“But I changed. I became a better person. And do you know who I credit most of that to?” Sasha asked.
“Charlotte?” Bayley guessed. “Ow!” she exclaimed, when she received a slap to her knee in response.
“No,” Sasha insisted. “It’s you, Bay.”
“Me?” Bayley furrowed her brow in surprise.
“Yes, you,” Sasha laughed. “Even after all this time, you still don’t see it. You just expect everybody else to live up to your standard and don’t realise how special your kindness is, because that’s how you are. That’s one of the many things I lo-“ Sasha suddenly stopped abruptly, her eyes widening for a fraction of a second before she swallowed her next word down to replace it with another. “One of the many things I really like about you, dude. Even when I didn’t deserve it, you insisted on bringing me up to your level, to make me as good as you. You had every right to yell at me, to just tolerate each other at best. But instead, you sat with me in the TARDIS cinema and let me put on whatever I wanted to watch, you asked me what my favourite meal was so that you could learn to cook it. For me.”
“I just wanted to be your friend,” Bayley shrugged, like it was nothing. Like anyone would have done the same.
“No, Bayley,” Sasha shook her head, almost as if she’d known what Bayley had been thinking. Honestly, that wouldn’t surprise Bayley anymore. They seemed to always be on the same wavelength. “You didn’t become my friend. You became my best friend.”
Under most circumstances, Bayley imagined she’d feel upset, for Sasha to unintentionally throw that reminder back in her face. That they were friends. No less, but most importantly, no more. They could be the best of friends, but it was impossible for Bayley to ignore the fact that she wanted more than friendship from Sasha. She imagined that Sasha serving her that reminder would feel as though she’d had a jug of ice cold water thrown in her face, waking her up to the stark coldness of reality.
Except, that was not how Bayley felt.
Instead, she focused on the earnestness in Sasha’s voice, as though she could scarcely believe that Bayley was such a crucial part of her life.
More than anything else, she could see the adoration burning away as bright as starlight in Sasha’s eyes as she gazed at her with the utmost fondness.
Rather than lose herself in the swamps of despair by reflecting on the platonic nature of their relationship, Bayley instead grabbed onto how much love she could see etched across Sasha’s face, like a poem on parchment.
It might not be romantic love right now. It probably never would be. But it was some form of love. And Bayley would happily cling to any form of love she could get from Sasha. Even if it burned.
Especially if it burned.
“Oh, Bay,” Sasha whispered softly, after watching her best friend’s eyes well up, like a river ready to burst its banks.
Usually, Bayley was the one to initiate their hugs. Sasha happily melted in almost every time, of course. More and more, as they’d gotten to know each other better over the years, clinging to each other, like a ship being drawn in by the glow of a lighthouse.
It was rare that Sasha would be the one to reach for Bayley, even now rarely letting herself be so open.
But pride meant nothing when Sasha could see how desperately her best friend was in need of comforting.
The two wrapped their arms tightly around each other, losing themselves in the soft serenity of their embrace. Bayley wasn’t ashamed to bury her face in Sasha’s shoulder, shedding a few tears as she let herself sob her fears away.
They stayed that way for a long time. Except, time seemed to fade away. Nothing mattered to either of them more than simply existing together, offering what comfort they could. Usually, Bayley was the giver, happily offering all the warmth Sasha needed, even if it drained her.
It was a testament to how much Sasha had changed that the roles were now reversed, with Sasha willing to hold Bayley all year if that’s what she needed.
“Don’t you worry, Bay. I’m not going anywhere,” Sasha whispered into her ear. “I could never leave you.”
Sasha knew she was playing with fire. But she couldn’t resist the dance her fingers wanted to do, reaching to the back of Bayley’s neck, playing with her baby hairs and scratching at her undercut.
She told herself that she was just comforting her best friend in her moment of need. But Sasha knew it ran deeper than that. This was something beyond touchy-feeley, even for them.
For Bayley, her nightmares had sent her into a tailspin which she’d not been able to right herself from until now. But now she knew.
She knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that even if the worst happened - if she had a moment of weakness and ever admitted that she was in love with Sasha - that Sasha would still remain by her side. Nothing could break them up. Nothing. They were soulmates through and through, romantic or not.
“Now,” Sasha said with a lighter tone when Bayley finally decided she was ready to pull back and brave the world outside of Sasha’s shoulder again. “What would you say to us taking a trip to the TARDIS lounge, and cuddling up on the couch with a bucket of popcorn?”
“How could I ever resist such an offer, dude?” Bayley chuckled. “Butter on mine, though.”
“Ew, you monster!” Sasha exclaimed playfully.
“Quit being so salty, dude,” Bayley countered back as a jab to her bestie’s preference, before she found the strength to grab Sasha’s hand, tugging her excitedly away to the TARDIS lounge, where they knew an enormous, plush couch was located, along with a vast array of blankets, cushions, a sensibly-sized TV and a movie snack dispenser.
A room which they’d cuddled up together in plenty of times to watch TV, long before either of them had considered the possibility of romance in each other.
Whether they were friend or lovers, Bayley was just stoked to spend time with Sasha Banks.
Little did she know that Sasha needed quality time together just as much.