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Going home was the hardest part for Ron; he was walking out of the hospital to his car, holding the swinging Moses basket by his side and holding the bags all by himself. He had to do it all by himself whilst trying to keep himself together; what was supposed to be the brightest day of his life turned out to be something less of a bittersweet memory. His precious new born daughter sleeping snug, hugging her arms; Ron loved to see her looking so peaceful—even if his own mind was not so peaceful.
They didn't think it would happen—nor Toto or Ron; the doctor hadn't said anything about any concerns and Toto didn't have any underlying health problems. They should have known after getting the positive pregnant test back that it would be difficult (it was harder for a man to get scotch free from a pregnancy then a woman)—instead of smiling like idiots.
Now Ron could never see that idiotic yet cute smile his Toto had gave him.
The hospital walls were a haze in his memory; the nurses and doctors flew around him as he watched from the outside window. They were flocking around Toto and stabbing needles in his arms or taking his vitals; the man has given him one last smile of hope until the anesthesia kicked—the last time Toto had smiled at Ron. Before he knew it the doctors came out with the bad news: the love of his life was gone, leaving their daughter behind in his legacy.
Ron wanted to break down into the doctor's arms but he held it in—held it in for his daughter, for Toto. The doctor asked him for the name for the birth certificate:
"Amari—Toto had chosen it."
Even after the surgery, Amari wasn't under any threat so they went back home together; Ron loaded in all the supplies whilst strapping in his daughter in the front seat. He looked behind him to see if Toto was in the car but the man would never be in their proximity again.
That was when Ron finally broke down—tears streaming down his pale face and hands shaking. Toto was gone—the man who carried his daughter; the man who was supposed to look after his daughter with him; his centre of his world who had given him another reason to continue living. But what was the Earth supposed to go if the Sun had collapsed.
Ron tried to start the car but with his hands continuously shaking, it was difficult; his daughter was sleeping so peacefully next to him like she didn't know what had happened—a beautiful mirage of childhood innocence. She was lucky that she couldn't understand what Ron was feeling—such bittersweet memories clouded his mind. He wished she could never go through what he went through tonight—something that was supposed to turn beautiful.
It now left a bitter taste on his tongue.
Now after wiping his eyes, painted red with his tears, Ron drove home (it would have been Toto). There was nothing he could have done; his Toto was gone. His Amari was waiting for him. They were all waiting for him to be the best possible father for her—to be strong with what the universe threw at him. He would do it all for Toto—be strong for him—who was looking down on them from the afterlife.
They eventually reached their apartment; Ron made his way inside carrying all the bags as well as Amari. He sat the bags down as he lowered Amari into her own room (he and Toto figured that their daughter should live better then the slump they were used to). He began making her baby bottle of formula—Ron couldn't produce the milk needed. He tasted the mixture on his tongue to check the heat.
Ah.
Salty.
Tears fell from his eyes; the half filled bottle sat discard on the tabletop; the man fell to his knees and slumped against the cabinets.
He was really gone, wasn't he?
His Toto.
They were supposed to do this together—grow up as the best possible parents together; they'd watch Amari meet her personal milestones; they'd watch her first day of elementary school; they'd watch her high school graduation. Her first boyfriend. Her University graduation. Her first time becoming parents. He and Toto were in this together—or so he thought.
How could the universe be so cruel? Did the doctors even try? Was it all his fault? Maybe if he was there for Toto; he would have done anything—transferred blood, even give away a kidney. To hell with that—he'd even give away his heart to Toto. He wished he had as the cold body of his beloved sat in the morgue ready for a burial. Ron was too busy; he would have to tell Toto's grandma and all of their friends too.
A pitiful cry could be heard from Amari's room; Ron had other problems he had to deal with first. He grabbed the bottle and headed for the room—wiping his tears first. His daughter shouldn't have to witness his crying face as the first thing she sees when she wakes up in the world.
𝘛𝘰𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘐 𝘥𝘰?
𝘐'𝘮 𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘰𝘤𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥.
_____________________
It's been 2 years since the Birth of Amari—and the passing away of Toto; they managed to have the funeral a year ago. Toto's family and friends came to cheer up Ron whilst also saying hello to baby Amari. It was a simple and small funeral for such a simple man; in his heart, Toto was far from simple to Ron.
Amamiya had dropped by a couple of times with Kawasemi to see the adorable baby; they complimented her shiny, grey eyes—like Toto's—and her wavy dark brown hair—a beautiful mix of Ron's and Toto's shades. Amamiya carried her a couple of times, giving Ron a break, as they all played games with her; Ron could see the two of them be so natural together (a bit of a shock for Kawasemi, the man not used to showing such care). He felt a tad jealous—a happy family. That was supposed to be him and Toto.
Chikori and Mofu visited too; they gave Amari more clothes and toys and gave Ron some tips on how to make life easier as a single Dad. Dr Mofu shared the best ways to start wheening and making sure Amari wasn't in pain when she started teething; Chikori pointed out Amari's large eyes again—a monochrome shade of grey with gold flecks. Everyone really thought the same—Amari had his eyes.
Toto's eyes.
How cruel.
She was a beautiful mix of Ron and Toto—a harmonizing palette of shades that were unique to them; a inflorescence of colours that made them who they were. Amari has gotten the best of both worlds. Ron was bitter slightly; she reminded him so much of Toto that it hurt to even look at her sometimes; but that thought was pathetic—she's your daughter for God's sake Ron! He used to tell himself.
Her beautiful grey eyes with flashes of golden sparks; her flowry dark hair; her large toothless smile. Ron loved her so much.
But she was two years old; everyone knows what happens when children become two—the start of the temperamental tears. Terrible twos, Dr Mofu had called it and Amari had gotten it worse; it was like Toto's stubborn side was inherited.
It was one day when Ron wouldn't let Amari play longer with her toys when something bad had happened; Ron was in the kitchen making lunch when Amari had gone into his and Toto's room; she saw the old suit that Ron hanged up in his drawer and took it down; in an act of childish stubbornness, she drew on it with her permanent markers.
When Ron had went to get her, he saw the sight in front of him:
"Amari, what have you done? Do you know who that belongs to—my—your father!" Ron shouted at her, louder then he should have and louder then she could take. A poor 2 year old couldn't help it as she started crying with big swells of tears in her eyes.
Ron regretted immediately as he went to hug him, whispering words of affirmation like "Daddy's sorry," and "it's okay." He was a damn idiot—to shout at his dear daughter. He didn't want to relapse—not into the past memories of his parents; the only experience of parenting that he saw. Ron wouldn't want to share his old trauma with Amari; no one should go through what he felt those years. A father who he didn't know was alive after all and a mother who avoided his past like a plague. Amari shouldn't become the sorry excuse for a man that he felt.
He and Toto had talked about the concept of their future child before; Toto was scared that he was going to make his kid end up with all of his trauma—the experiences he couldn't wish his own children to go through. The thought had haunted him; what if he accidentally let out what his father did to him? What if Toto ends up hurting Amari like his own father did to him? He can't risk to hurt someone else after he himself had not been healed.
Ron could understand the man's feelings; he too was scared for what he might do to his kid—as the son of the Moriarty family. He understood himself but not Toto; Toto was an amazing guy so Ron couldn't see what dark secrets were held in his heart. It was almost ironic now that Toto didn't have to worry about that now; Ron felt guilty for thinking he'd rather have Toto corrupt their child then not look after her at all—he tucked the thought away again.
Toto would have scolded him and made him apologize on his knees. The same man, whose only last trinket left of him was ruined in tatters; it doesn't even matter anyway. It's not a big deal. Ron doesn't care anymore about that monochrome suit—the cute suit Toto always wore.
For something—or someone—that reminded Ron of Toto was now crying in front of him; someone who he had made cry right now.
The daughter and father hugged into each other's arms; Amari bawling her eyes out whilst hugging Ron's shirt tightly; Ron patting her back and trying not to cry himself too. He could feel Toto's harsh words jab into his heart after causing such an event. Damn it. He was an idiot.
"Amari...Papa's sorry. I'll make you your favorite Dessert today!" He held Amari's cheeks like a cute hamster as he wiped her tears. She really was Toto's kid.
"Amari wants a large snow cone topped with Chocolate sauce!...Amari is also sorry for ruining papa's suit—" his daughter hiccuped with tears, the last few tears escaping her eyes as Ron squished her cheeks.
"Papa forgives you, dont worry; I'm sure your other Daddy is forgiving you right now!—Cmon then, don't you want your shaved ice," Ron took her small hand in his as they walked to the kitchen together.
"Where is other papa, Daddy? I've never met him before..."
"Someplace up high—I know he loves you just as much as I do!" Toto was definitely smiling from his spot in the afterlife.
"That's good!"
𝘛𝘰𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘦𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶—𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯.
𝘐 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘰𝘯 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘰.
The two of them left the room; the ruined graphite suit of Ron and Toto's past memories sat in it's frame—still intact enough for years of love to not escape it. It may have been coloured on but by the legacy of Ron and Toto's love. That's for sure.
_________________
Amari was now 13 years old and had grown to be an amazing—and adorable—little girl; Ron was more proud of her then ever—more then he could put into words. She had started school a couple of months ago and seemed to be enjoying herself; she had plenty of friends and lots of happy memories.
Since growing up from her baby years, Amari had really began to look like Toto more and more; their wavy, curly dark brunette matched—Amari had the same orange glimmer that made her seem as ginger as her dad; their monochrome eyes had the same silver glint of passion over things they loved; Amari really had Toto's everything—from the way she spoke to the way she gestured herself. She was beautiful—just like her father.
It had killed Ron to see his daughter grow up so quickly.
His precious topaz that shone like an old gem he had lost; Ron almost had the idea to lock her up so she could never see the sunlight—no young man could snatch her away from him.
So he was rather shocked when she came home, hand in hand with a boy from school—a classmate. He had typical blond hair that was a bit too long for his eyes; he kept a cheeky grin plastered across his face when the two of them held hands; as his bangs slipped, he could see the boy's luminescent Emerald eyes. The pair of them reminded Ron of a certain young couple—a couple that was ruined even before they even began life.
Amari walked through the door with her boyfriend (Ron could only assume the worse), holding his hand with a shy confidence that reminded Ron of Toto. She gave her Dad a brave face as Ron leaned against the door frame, about to say good afternoon to her; the boy was hiding his eyes and had his mouth upturned to a cat's mew—making Amari do all the work.
"Dad, this is my boyfriend, Tanaka-kun!" Amari shouted from the bottom of her lungs as she avoided Ron's eyes—a very Toto-esque thing to do. Tanaka pushed a open hand to Ron, hoping to shake it.
"Good afternoon, Sir. I hope you forgive this overzealous one," Tanaka smiled a sweetly sick smirk at Ron, a very Ron-esque to do. The two kids left Ron in the kitchen by himself as they retired to Amari's bedroom; he was sipping a cup of coffee and smiling at their leaving backs.
𝘈𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘛𝘰𝘵𝘰?
𝘖𝘶𝘳 𝘬𝘪𝘥𝘴 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘶𝘴.
The Tanaka kid didn't seem that bad; definitely nicer then when Ron was his age so he was sure Amari would be fine. Compared to Ron and Toto, he hoped the new lovebirds would continue growing up together, maybe even becoming more then simple high school sweethearts. He wished Amari and Tanaka would live a wishful life compared to the hell Ron and Toto had to deal with—a life with no smooth comings; a life where every step forward could mean a crack.
He wished the gods would look down on his daughter and pray for her—to guide her to find true love where her parents could not.
Because she deserves the world.
____________________
Ron was in his forties; Amari had just graduated from University; Tanaka was by her side. It had been 25 years since her birth and Toto's death and Amari has grown to an even more beautiful topaz. Her boyfriend (now Fiancee) was still by her side, through the rough times and the best of times. Ron couldn't wish for a more beautiful and deserving life for his daughter.
It had been tough but they eventually did it.
Toto keeping an eye on them from his place in the afterlife.
They were celebrating Amari's graduation at her university; the whole campus a flourish of confetti and tears of happiness as caps were flown into the sky and happy photos were shared. Amari was celebrating her criminology degree: it was something she wanted to pursue after hearing stories of Ron and Toto's adventures; Ron had shared all sorts of stories from The Aubergine case to the Time Island case—memories of the tough times flooded his mind again. Bittersweet memories he tried to forget; this time it was different. Ron was sharing his memories to someone who should hear it—someone who should know about the amazing man who birthed her.
Tanaka stood by her side through out the night, sharing laughs and beckoning her to give in to the celebrations; Ron could see the look he gave her. The same look Ron had always given Toto—his eyes blanched with tears and shining with rose tinted light. Amari had definitely chosen a man in love with her to keep by her side—he had to give it up for the woman.
Watching them from behind his camera as he took a number of photographs, Ron looked onward to the scene in front of him; his eyes fogged for a moment and he swore he could have saw him and Toto standing together:
"Hey Dad, what's wrong? Just take the photo already!" Amari shouted to him.
Ron returned to his mind as he blinked rapidly; the past image of him and Toto left his mind and replaced it with the current couple. A couple, who reminded him so much of a love that was lost; a couple who deserved better then the bittersweet love their predecessors shared.
𝘊𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘬.
𝘛𝘰𝘵𝘰 𝘐 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦.
𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥, 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘐?
𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦 𝘢 𝘱𝘪𝘦𝘤𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵.
𝘕𝘦𝘹𝘵 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦, 𝘐 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘤𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘶𝘳—𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘺 𝘮𝘺 𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦.