Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Can we go one more time? Please?” Mafuyu asked. 

Hiiragi sighed, but dutifully picked back up his biwa. He was tired, and didn’t really want to play the song again, but he’d never been good at telling Mafuyu no. And ever since they started learning their new instruments a few months ago, Mafuyu had been asking to play more and more, and Hiiragi had been acquiescing more and more. 

The instruments served a dual purpose. Firstly, they were something to keep Mafuyu and Hiiragi busy. But secondly (and more importantly, his mother would say), music was a desirable skill.

“Good omegas are proficient in many fields, including the arts,” his mother had said when she suggested he and Mafuyu pick up music. “It will make you a treasured and desirable wife.”

Hiiragi had fought back a gag. He hated when his mother used the word wife to describe his future marriage. He hated the idea of being someone’s wife. It made him feel like a girl, and he wasn’t a girl just because he was an omega. 

“Does it even matter?” Hiiragi had replied. “I’m going to be king. Does it really matter how treasured and desirable I am as a wife?” 

His mother had just shot him a look. She didn’t have to say the words she was thinking. The words no one had ever spoken out loud about Hiiragi's future role in the kingdom, but Hiiragi—and everybody else—knew. 

An omega king was unacceptable, and Hiiragi’s title would be short-lived and in name only. His mate would rule in his place, and one day, when Hiiragi had produced an alpha heir, they would take over for him. That was the way it had to be.

The only reason Hiiragi would rule at all was because of his poor omega mother’s inability to produce more children than just him. Miscarriage upon miscarriage after Hiiragi’s (regretfully omega) birth had made that clear, and so instead, the mantle passed to Hiiragi. It became his responsibility to keep the Kashima line long and full of alphas who could rule instead of him. 

Hiiragi wasn’t even sure he wanted to rule the kingdom, but that was beside the point. It was the principle of the matter that irked him. Him being an omega in no way made him unfit to take the throne, and he resented the old rules and customs that prevented him from being king for longer than it took for an alpha heir to take his place. 

He could be a good king. If they really let him, he knew that he could be a good king. 

He and Mafuyu played through the song again, and when they finished, Mafuyu had this incredible smile on his face that softened Hiiragi’s perpetual bad attitude. He was always practically glowing after they played, and it was one of the only reasons Hiiragi had gone along with his mother’s treasured and desirable plan. 

If something made Mafuyu happy, it made Hiiragi happy as well. 

Mafuyu was the lantern in the darkness of Hiiragi’s whole existence as the looked-down-upon, omega prince of Kisetsu. He had been for nearly Hiiragi’s whole life, ever since Mafuyu’s mother came to the castle to be his schoolteacher, and brought an omega son just the same age as Hiiragi with her. The two of them became playmates, best friends, and brothers, for all intents and purposes. They fought sometimes, as all brothers did, but Mafuyu truly kept Hiiragi sane, despite all the shit in Hiiragi’s life. 

And there was quite a lot of shit in his life nowadays. 

The two of them stowed their instruments before throwing themselves down on the couch that occupied their old schoolroom-turned-music-room. It was a bit more than a music room, though. Instead, it was more like Mafuyu and Hiiragi’s shared sanctuary, where they read, played their instruments, and sometimes (when they knew nobody would walk in and catch them) practiced the self-defense and fighting techniques they’d learned when no one was watching. 

Because that was another thing omegas weren’t supposed to do: fight. Hiiragi hated feeling useless, so like so many other things he’d been taught in his twenty years of life, he ignored it. He learned to fight anyway, and he dragged Mafuyu with him for good measure. They got more serious about it a few years back, when they both learned first-hand that being able to defend yourself was no small thing. 

“Maybe we should learn a new song,” Mafuyu said, still with that wonderful smile on his face. “Maybe we should learn a few, and then we could play for others.”

Hiiragi rolled his eyes. “You want to start a band?”

“What would be so wrong with that?” Mafuyu asked with a shrug. “Maybe we could convince—”

But he didn’t get to finish his sentence, because just then, there was a knock on the door, and then a palace guard stuck his head in the room. He must have been new, because Hiiragi didn’t even know his name. He bowed quickly to Hiiragi, muttering out a formal Your Highness that made Hiiragi want to roll his eyes again. 

“Yes?” Hiiragi prompted, although he was beginning to have an idea what this was about. 

“The King wanted me to summon you. You’re to have an audience with your betrothed in the garden.”

Hiiragi restrained a groan, but stood up off the couch anyway, brushing off his pants. The last thing he wanted was to have an audience with his betrothed, but he knew he didn’t really have a choice. When the King ordered him to do something, Hiiragi had no other option but to obey. 

“Do you need an escort?” the guard asked, and Hiiragi waved him off. 

“I can find my way.” 

The man bowed again before shutting the door behind him, and Mafuyu waited for the slap of his feet down the hallway to fade before standing up as well. 

He bit down on his lip, cheeks pink, but then he pulled a sealed envelope out from his pocket. “Would you give this to him?”

Hiiragi took the envelope, sliding it into his own pocket. “I don’t need to warn you of how bad it will be if you get caught?”

Mafuyu let out a small, breathy laugh. “I could ask you the same thing.”

Hiiragi had no argument for that. 

* * * 

When Hiiragi entered the garden, his eyes flicked around for just a few seconds before he spotted his betrothed sitting on a bench, waiting for him. 

In all possible ways, Uenoyama Ritsuka was a wonderful match. He had wealthy, titled parents who were just the correct amount of politically involved to have a son who would be capable of ruling for Hiiragi without being overly ambitious. He was more than good-looking, with soft black hair and piercing blue eyes that Hiiragi knew the servant girls whispered about when they thought Hiiragi couldn’t hear him. He was quiet when he needed to be, but competent and well-spoken—an alpha who was the right mix of strong and gentle. 

If only Hiiragi didn’t hate him. 

At first, he’d tried not to. He’d been angry at his father for practically selling him off like cattle, but he was determined to make the best of it. This alpha was to be his mate, so Hiiragi might as well at least attempt to fall in love with him, even if his attentions were already elsewhere. 

The issue with his maybe I could actually fall in love with him plan was that Uenoyama Ritsuka was the most pompous, obnoxious alpha Hiiragi had ever met in his entire life. He didn’t just not love him, he loathed him. And it was clear from just their first meeting that Uenoyama had no interest in him as well. No, instead his eyes looked right away to Hiiragi’s closest companion, and to Hiiragi’s surprise, Mafuyu’s eyes had been looking back. 

So Hiiragi was engaged to marry a man who was secretly in love with his best friend, and his best friend actually loved the asshole back. 

Hiiragi would be jealous, but he had other things on his mind. 

Hiiragi crossed the garden to the bench, and Uenoyama looked up to meet his eyes, already scowling. He had just as little interest in this whole charade as Hiiragi did, but this was what was expected of them, so despite their mutual dislike of each other, they both went along with the act. They feigned interest when others were watching, and turned a blind eye to what the other did in their spare time. 

Uenoyama shot up off the bench, bowing quickly to Hiiragi, and Hiiragi bowed back in an act of both respect and formality. 

“Uenoyama,” Hiiragi greeted him politely. 

“Hiiragi,” Uenoyama replied, and a part of Hiiragi hated that he called him by his given name, but once, he’d called him Prince Kashima in front of Hiiragi’s mother, who had laughed and said, “You two are to be mated! Surely you can call him by his given name,” and Uenoyama had annoyingly taken that to heart. 

Nobody called him Hiiragi. Nobody except his parents and Mafuyu. And…

“We’re going for a walk, I believe,” Uenoyama said to his personal guard, a blonde man named Haruki that Hiiragi had actually come to like in the months since Uenoyama came to the castle. “You can wait here.”

Haruki nodded, and Hiiragi let Uenoyama loop his arm with his own, starting to lead him away through the garden. 

Uenoyama waited until they were sufficiently far away from Haruki before leaning close to say, “How is he?”

“He’s well,” Hiiragi replies. “He misses you.”

Uenoyama went quiet, just nodding his head, but Hiiragi could read in his posture that he missed Mafuyu as well. Their time together was always short and far-between, since it was risky for them to be together at all. If they were caught, Mafuyu would be thrown out of the castle, and Hiiragi didn’t know what would happen to Uenoyama. Would their engagement be dissolved, or would his parents force them to marry anyway? 

He didn’t know which was worse. He didn’t want to find out. 

Hiiragi glanced around, making sure there was no one in their vicinity before stopping and disconnecting his arm from Uenoyama’s, reaching into his pocket and holding out the envelope from Mafuyu. 

“He wanted me to give this to you.”

Uenoyama took it carefully, like it was something precious. “Do you mind if I—”

“Go for it.”

Hiiragi watched as Uenoyama tore into the letter, eyes scanning over the page. 

“Fuck,” he muttered when he reached the bottom.

“What?” 

Uenoyama looked back up at him, eyes suddenly full of unbridled concern. “His heat is starting soon.”

“Oh.” 

Hiiragi searched back through his memory. Yes, Mafuyu’s heat was due to start in about a week. That meant Hiiragi’s was less than a month away now, which made him eerily nervous. This would be his first heat since his betrothal to Uenoyama, but he figured (hoped) his parents wouldn’t expect them to spend it together. Certainly that wouldn’t be expected of them until they were married, right? 

Hiiragi didn’t like even the idea of that.

Uenoyama bit down on his lip. “Do you think there’s any way I could…”

He didn’t finish the question, but Hiiragi knew what he was asking, and just the suggestion was dangerous. 

“It would not be a good idea,” Hiiragi replied. 

Uenoyama nodded. “You’re right. Of course, you’re right.”

There was a pregnant pause between them. Finally, Hiiragi gave in with a sigh. “I could probably… I don’t know. Make an excuse for you. At least for part of it.”

Uenoyama’s eyes widened. “Thank you,” he said gently, and it was the kindest he’d ever sounded while talking to Hiiragi. “That would be amazing.”

“I’m not doing it for you,” Hiiragi clarified. “It’s for him.” 

“I know.” Uenoyama nodded again. “I would expect nothing less.”

It would be risky, but Hiiragi thought he could probably scheme up a way to get Uenoyama in for at least a portion of Mafuyu’s heat. And no matter how much Hiiragi disliked Uenoyama, he wouldn’t deprive Mafuyu of his company during his heat if he wanted it. He wouldn’t deprive Mafuyu of this love, even if Hiiragi maybe wanted to. 

Because he remembered a time when Mafuyu loved another, and he remembered how that ended. He could still recall Mafuyu’s pained screams. His guttural howls would haunt Hiiragi for the rest of his life, so if there was anything he could do to bring Mafuyu even an ounce of comfort and happiness, he would do it. 

The two of them resumed walking, but this time, the silence between them hung heavy. This was always how it was between the two of them: they exchanged pleasantries, Hiiragi filled him in on Mafuyu, and then the two of them sat in uncomfortable silence until they could finally part ways, destined to do it again in a matter of days. 

When they finally reached the bench where they started, they found Haruki in conversation with a member of the palace guard who’d turned up while Hiiragi and Uenoyama strolled. This one Hiiragi at least knew the name of. 

“Shizusumi,” Hiiragi said politely to the guard, and the man bowed at him. 

“Your Highness. I’m here to escort you back to your chambers.”

“Fine.” Hiiragi sighed. He’d turned down the escort here, but he might as well allow the one back. 

Uenoyama turned to face him. “It was wonderful to see you again. I have a token for you. Of my affection.”

He held out a small hair clip, sparkling silver encrusted with beautiful pearls. One look at it combined with the words my affection made it abundantly clear to Hiiragi that the gift was truly for Mafuyu. When he looked up to meet Uenoyama’s eyes, there was something desperate in them that very clearly read Please understand what I’m saying here. 

“Thank you.” Hiiragi took the clip from Uenoyama, using his eyes to hopefully convey I will get it to him. “It’s beautiful.”

Uenoyama leaned forward to peck a chaste kiss to Hiiragi’s cheek, and Hiiragi fought back the urge to flinch away. But he could endure this. It was all just formalities. It was all for appearances. 

But if he could barely stand a kiss on the cheek, what was he to do when the two of them married? When Uenoyama was expected to bed him? Fuck babies into his belly? How would he handle that?

And—fuck—how would Mafuyu handle that? 

He pulled back, a fake smile on his face, before turning to Shizusumi. “Let’s go.”

“Get him back safe,” Uenoyama said, feigning concern. 

“I will.” Shizusumi nodded politely, and then the two of them headed off for Hiiragi’s rooms. 

* * *

The noise the dresser made when Shizu slammed Hiiragi down on top of it was endlessly satisfying. So was the way his lips crashed against Hiiragi’s, hands gripping his hips so tight he’d probably leave bruises. Hiiragi spread his legs wider and Shizu forced his way between them. He felt Shizu hard and hot against him, and he hissed into Shizu’s mouth, tipping his head back in a silent request. Shizu got it, trailing his lips down his jaw and the column of his throat. 

“How was your fiance?” Shizu said into his neck.

“Do you really want to talk about Uenoyama right now?” Hiiragi asked, hands already clawing at Shizu’s pants. 

“It looked like you two had a great conversation.”

“Oh, will you shut up,” Hiiragi snapped. “We both know he has zero interest in me.”

Hiiragi would be lying if he said that it didn’t give him a special sort of thrill that Shizu was jealous. Besides, Hiiragi would be jealous if their roles were reversed. He didn’t want anybody else touching Shizu, just like Shizu didn’t want anybody else touching him. 

Labels and pretenses be damned, Hiiragi belonged to Shizu, like Shizu belonged to him. 

“Just fuck me already,” Hiiragi hissed, lifting his hips to drag off his own pants. “We don’t have much time.”

It was true. They probably had at most ten minutes before Shizu’s commander would be wondering where he went off to, and it wasn’t like the two of them got tons of opportunities to do this anymore. It was one thing when they were younger—before Shizu was a full member of the guard and Hiiragi was engaged—but things were different now. 

Shizu clearly didn’t have to be told twice, because no sooner was the word time leaving Hiiragi’s lips than Shizu was hitching Hiiragi’s legs up onto the dresser and dipping two fingers right into his hole. Hiiragi moaned, head banging back against the wall. Of all of their concerns, at least they didn’t have to be quiet. The only one who shared Hiiragi’s wing of the castle was Mafuyu, and it wasn’t like he was unaware of what Shizu and Hiiragi got up to in their moments alone. 

“Ugh,” Shizu groaned, starting to pump his fingers faster and faster. “You’re so fucking wet, love. Leaking for me already.”

“Mmhmm,” Hiiragi hummed, nodding his head furiously. “Just for you.”

Shizu made this primal, growling sort of noise that did wonders for Hiiragi’s ego. He loved being able to bring out that side of Shizu—the side that was so very alpha. That side desperately wanted to own and claim Hiiragi, to bite him and breed him, and make him Shizu’s mate. It was a fantasy and would always have to be one, but sometimes, in the heat of the moment, they both liked to pretend it could be real. 

Shizu pumped his fingers in and out a couple times more, but Hiiragi didn’t need much preparation right now. He’d been desperate for Shizu ever since the last time they did this, and his body was responding accordingly. He wanted Shizu inside of him now, and his body was cooperating perfectly with that request. 

“Fuck me,” Hiiragi gasped when Shizu hit that incredible spot inside of him. “Fuck me. Fuck me now, Shizusumi. Please.”

Shizu pulled his fingers free, and Hiiragi whined at the loss, but it was only a second before Shizu was pulling him forward so his ass was hanging off the dresser and burying himself inside of Hiiragi. Hiiragi yelped at the feeling of being filled so suddenly, but as Shizu started thrusting his hips in and out, the mild discomfort switched instantly to incomparable pleasure. 

“Shizu,” he moaned out, arms wrapping around Shizu’s neck to keep him held against him. He knew Shizu liked it when he said his name—probably some possessive alpha instinct or something—so he said it again: “Shizusumi.”

Hiiragi pressed their lips together, kissing him sloppily between moans. Shizu brought one hand up to brace against the wall while he fucked Hiiragi into the dresser hard. Hard enough that it was banging against the wall with each thrust of his hips. Once again, Hiiragi was infinitely grateful that he didn’t share a wall with anyone but more of his own empty rooms. 

“Fuck,” Shizu cursed, pulling away from Hiiragi’s lips and leaning his head down to rest in the sweaty crook of Hiiragi’s neck. “Fuck, Hiiragi, you feel so good. It feels so, so—”

“Yeah,” Hiiragi agreed breathlessly. 

It did feel good. It felt so good. It always felt so good with Shizu. 

And one day he’d have to do this with someone other than him. 

It didn’t matter that he would never want another alpha inside of him, he would have no choice but to let Uenoyama fuck him. Multiple times. As many times as it took to produce an alpha heir. And then probably an alpha spare, just for good measure. 

It wouldn’t feel this good, and not just because he didn’t want Uenoyama like that. Hiiragi was confident that it would never feel this good with anyone else. 

Because it didn’t matter that Uenoyama was supposed to be his alpha, Shizu always would be. Hiiragi’s body was built for him. He was designed to be fucked by him, bitten by him, mated by him. 

And the fact that he couldn’t sort of made him want to cry. 

But Hiiragi wasn’t going to think about that just then. He wasn’t going to burst into tears in the middle of sex at how profoundly unfair this whole situation was. He was going to enjoy the feeling of Shizu inside of him, and try to ignore the fact that this could be one of their last times. Because once Hiiragi got married, they wouldn’t be able to do this anymore. Uenoyama could have as many affairs and father however many bastards he wanted with Mafuyu, but Hiiragi did not have that option. Not unless he wanted to accidentally cause a succession crisis. 

Shizu wrapped his hand around the back of Hiiragi's neck, pulling him backwards to expose the column of his throat again. He pressed his nose against Hiiragi’s scent gland, inhaling deeply before running his tongue over the spot. Hiiragi nearly screamed at the sensation. 

“Bite me,” came spilling out of his lips. “Just—Just fucking bite me, and then they won’t be able to—”

But even with Hiiragi begging, Shizu still had the presence of mind to refuse him. Besides, if Hiiragi wasn’t in heat, the bite wouldn’t claim him. But it was the thought that mattered. The desire and intention. 

Hiiragi knew that what he was suggesting wasn’t a real option, but that didn’t stop him from wanting it so badly it made him want to die.

No, Shizu didn’t bite him. He just scraped his teeth against Hiiragi’s scent gland, fangs elongating. This time, Hiiragi did scream, fingers grabbing onto Shizu’s shoulders as he started to come untouched. His cock spurted cum between them as more slick rushed out his hole, and Shizu reacted immediately to the scent of both, pumping his hips roughly a few times more before coming deep inside of Hiiragi. 

Even after they both finished shaking with aftershocks, Shizu stayed inside of him, arms wrapped tight around Hiiragi’s back. They stayed like that for only a minute before Shizu had to pull away. They were running out of time. 

He helped Hiiragi down off the dresser, and Hiiragi’s legs nearly gave out when he hit the floor. He knew he looked completely debauched—hair stuck to his forehead with sweat, cheeks ruddy, bare from the waist down, with Shizu’s cum dripping down his thigh—but Shizu seemed to like the sight of it based off the way his pupils dilated and his cock—still half-hard—twitched. 

“I have to go,” Shizu said abruptly. 

“I know.” 

Shizu cupped his face and pressed a heated, close-mouthed kiss to his lips. They stayed connected like that for a few seconds before Shizu pulled away, fixed his pants, and then he left Hiiragi’s room, door slamming shut behind him. 

Hiiragi stood in the center of his bedroom, legs still feeling like jelly, staring at the closed door. A pit had opened in his stomach, and the desire to burst into tears took over. The next thing Hiiragi knew, he was standing half-naked in his bedroom, crying tears over a man he knew he couldn’t have. 

* * *

Hiiragi wasn’t sure when he fell in love with Shizusumi. It had most certainly not been love at first sight. 

He still remembered the first time he saw Shizusumi—not yet a proud alpha of the palace guard, sworn to keep Hiiragi safe, but instead, an orphan of no more than twelve, tied up and thrown before his father for something so silly as thievery. He’d been nothing but a dirty street kid, and Hiiragi had watched as a guard dragged him and his equally young accomplice through the throne room doors and tossed them to the ground in front of his father. 

“Caught ‘em stealing apples from the stables,” the guard said, and a chill went down Hiiragi’s spine. He knew what the usual punishment was for stealing. At best, you lost your hands. At worst, you lost your life. He didn’t particularly want to see either done to these two little boys. 

Hiiragi’s father had looked down at the two boys. “Why were you stealing from my stables?” he asked. 

One of the boys looked up and met the King’s eyes. He had light hair and brown eyes, and clearly possessed far more gall than his companion. “Because we were hungry, Your Majesty,” he said simply.

“Hm,” Hiiragi’s father hummed. “Where are your parents?”

“We don’t have any, Your Majesty.”

There was a moment of silence, but then Hiiragi’s father stood up from his throne. 

“We should take your hands for this,” he said calmly. Hiiragi winced, but then his father continued. “But I think boys of your size and age are worth more than that. You should be put to use.” He turned back to the guard. “Put them up with the guards. They’re to be your new apprentices.”

Hiiragi was surprised. It wasn’t much like his father to be so merciful, and he saw nothing particularly special about these two boys. But his father must have, and that was what mattered. Besides, if he didn’t have to see them get their hands cut off, Hiiragi was happy. 

It was abnormal for the palace guard to have apprentices, since they usually didn’t get recruits until they came of age at eighteen. But the King decreed it, so it would be so. 

The guard nodded, and crossed the room to cut the ties around the two boys’ wrists. 

“What are your names?” the King asked. 

“Yuki, Your Majesty,” the talkative boy said. 

Hiiragi’s father turned to the other boy, with darker hair and darker eyes. “And you?”

Finally, the boy looked up and met the King’s eyes. “Shizusumi.” 

And at the time, Hiiragi had no idea how much that name would come to mean to him. 

Mafuyu and Hiiragi only saw Yuki and Shizusumi a couple days a week during tutoring sessions at first. The head guard decided that the two of them needed some amount of schooling (although certainly not as much as was expected of Hiiragi or Mafuyu), so for a few hours each week, the four of them would pile into the schoolroom and learn together. 

Mafuyu had loved Yuki right from the start, no matter how silly that sounded. The moment their eyes met from across the schoolroom, it was like they were binary stars, caught in each other’s orbits. From that moment on, they were Yuki and Mafuyu, an inseparable pair. 

Which left Hiiragi with Shizusumi. 

Shizusumi was quieter and more apprehensive than his friend, but eventually Hiiragi got small amounts of information out of him. He was born in one of the most impoverished sectors of the city surrounding the castle, Shiki, and his parents died when he was ten of the flu. Shizusumi set off on his own, which was where he found Yuki, much in the same situation. The two kept each other alive through thieving for the two years they were together before being caught by the palace guard and ending up here. 

Shizusumi never became as talkative or bright as Yuki, but as time passed he slowly grew more comfortable. They all did, and soon, hours in the schoolroom wasn’t enough for the four of them. They began sneaking out at all hours to meet and see each other—to traipse through the gardens and courtyards, to steal from the kitchens and feast in the hallways, and to filch liquor from the cabinets and get drunk in Hiiragi’s private chambers. 

Slowly, like trees, their roots grew and intertwined with each other, and it became difficult to know where one of them ended and the other began. They were Mafuyu-Hiiragi-Yuki-Shizusumi, one single entity instead of four individuals. 

They thought they were being so clever, but Hiiragi realized now as an adult that they all must have known. The head guard and the King must have been turning a blind eye to their foursome, probably deeming it important that Hiiragi have some kind of age-appropriate human interaction besides Mafuyu. But they were allowed to sneak and hide and grow together, and that was what mattered to Hiiragi. 

Shizusumi became Shizu the first time he kissed Hiiragi. 

They’d been sixteen, and Shizusumi and Yuki had snuck away from the Guard’s sector to meet in Hiiragi’s bedroom. Hiiragi and Mafuyu had stolen wine from the kitchen, and the four of them were sitting on the floor, drinking and laughing like normal teenagers, instead of what they actually were. 

At some point, Mafuyu and Yuki became drunk enough that they lost their inhibitions about not being gross in public. After about five minutes of watching them attempt to eat each other’s faces off, Hiiragi had shoved them out the door with strict instructions to just fuck somewhere else please. 

When he shut the door, laughing at the way the two of them stumbled down the hall towards Mafuyu’s bedroom, he turned around to find Shizusumi still sitting on the floor in front of the fire, a bottle of wine clasped in his hand. 

Hiiragi walked back over to him and sat down, reaching out his hand for the bottle. Shizusumi passed it over, and Hiiragi took a swig before placing it down between them. 

“They’re so disgusting,” he said. 

“They’re in love.”

“And that’s disgusting.”

Shizusumi looked at him and raised an eyebrow. “It’s disgusting to be in love?”

Hiiragi shrugged before picking up the bottle and taking another sip. “Sure.”

“You won’t think it’s disgusting when it’s you.”

Hiiragi scoffed. “It’s never going to be me. I’m never going to fall in love.”

Shizusumi stayed looking at him. “Why not?”

Hiiragi just shrugged again. “It’s not like I’ll get to marry who I want anyway, so there’s no point.”

“Marriage and love don’t have to go hand-in-hand.”

“Oh, how wise of you,” Hiiragi replied through a laugh. “So, what? You think Yuki and Mafuyu will never get married?”

“No, they will. The second Yuki turns eighteen, he’ll resign from the guard and mate with Mafuyu. No doubt about it.” Shizusumi took the bottle back and took a sip from it before placing it down. “It’s you that it won’t matter for. Who cares that you won’t love who you marry? You can always love someone else.”

Hiiragi laughed again, and this time it was decidedly awkward. “Don’t let my mother hear you say that. And besides, who would I fall in love with? I don’t know anyone besides Mafuyu and Yuki. And you.” 

There was a moment after he said the words where the two of them sat in absolute, perfect silence. Shizusumi’s face was blank like always, but something about its blankness was intentional. Like he was fighting to keep it that way. 

It took Hiiragi nearly thirty seconds to realize why. 

“Oh,” he said, blushing and looking down at his hands. “I… I didn’t mean it like that.”

There was another moment of silence, but then Shizusumi took Hiiragi’s chin in his hand and tilted his face upwards, forcing Hiiragi to meet his eyes.

“Hiiragi,” he said very gently. It was the softest Shizusumi had ever sounded. 

Hiiragi just stared at him, lips parted in surprise. There was no reason he should be so unnerved by what he’d implied, and so caught off guard by Shizusumi’s gentleness. But he felt Shizusumi sucking him in like a vortex, and as Shizusumi leaned forward, Hiiragi leaned forward too, and then their lips were touching. 

The moment their lips met, Hiiragi realized that what he’d said was foolish. 

I’m already in love with him, flashed through his mind. 

Because he was. He had been for a while, he just hadn’t realized it yet. He didn’t know when it happened, but sometime in the space of the four years since a dirty, terrified Shizusumi had been dragged in front of the King for thieving, Hiiragi had fallen in love with him and not even noticed. 

When Shizusumi pulled back, Hiiragi whispered, “Shizu,” and then he brought their lips back together. 

Hiiragi had loved him ever since, in every stolen moment and every stolen kiss, but he never said it. Shizu didn’t say it either. They knew. Of course they both knew, but it didn’t matter. It was like Shizu had said: Hiiragi would never be able to marry who he loved, so what did it matter that he loved Shizu? 

But he did. He always would. So as he stood in his bedroom and cried, he cursed his parents. He cursed Uenoyama. He cursed himself for being born this stupid omega princeling who would never get to marry the man he loved. 

And he cursed Shizu, for making him fall in love with him all those years before. 

Chapter Text

That time, it was Hiiragi’s turn to say, “Can we go one more time? Please?”

Mafuyu sighed, wiping sweat off his brow before saying, “Fine,” and picking up his fists again. 

They’d been at it for nearly an hour at that point, sparring and running through old palace guard fighting drills that Yuki and Shizu had taught them when they were younger. 

“You’ve got to learn how to defend yourselves,” Yuki had said when they were all thirteen, once Shizu and Yuki had just begun training with the guard. “Shizu and I aren’t always going to be around to save your asses.”

“That’s literally your job,” Mafuyu had deadpanned. 

Yuki had just shoved him in a very juvenile display of affection, and Mafuyu had shoved him back, which had ended with the two of them rolling around on the floor and fighting in a way that in no way resembled the things Yuki and Shizu had been learning about in training. 

But eventually, the two of them had stopped wrestling, and Shizu and Yuki had actually taught them some drills. And they continued teaching them drills as they learned them over the years. Mafuyu and Hiiragi were by no means as well-trained or proficient as Shizu and Yuki were, but they could hold their own, and they got better with every training session. 

And there they were, seven years later, still at it, even without Yuki and Shizu.

They sparred for a few minutes more, until Mafuyu managed to knock Hiiragi’s legs out from under him and pin him to the hard floor. 

He grinned down at Hiiragi. “I win.”

“Yes, you win,” Hiiragi agreed with a huff. “You can get off of me now.”

Mafuyu got up off of him and reached out a hand to pull Hiiragi up. They were both catching their breath and dusting off their clothes when a knock sounded at the door. 

“Yes?” Hiiragi called. 

A guard stuck his head in the room and bowed. “Your Highness. The King has requested your presence in the council room for the council meeting.”

Hiiragi bit back an annoyed groan, but nodded, giving Mafuyu a quick hug before following the guard out of the room. 

Hiiragi hated council meetings. They were endlessly boring and, the way he saw it, fairly useless. It would make more sense to force Uenoyama to go to them, since he was the one who would really be calling the shots once Hiiragi took the throne. But Hiiragi had been forced to sit in on them ever since he was a child, more for show than for anything else. 

He followed the guard into the council room before offering his father a quick bow and taking the seat next to him. People were still shuffling in—various lords and advisors who the King trusted the opinion of. It wasn’t like he trusted Hiiragi’s opinion on anything, which once again rendered Hiiragi’s presence fairly useless. 

Once most of the seats were filled, his father began the meeting, and Hiiragi found himself struggling not to drift off. He hadn’t slept well the last night (hadn’t slept well in weeks, if he was being honest), and hearing a bunch of stuffy lords discuss matters so mundane as taxes was hardly stimulating enough to keep him awake. Hiiragi found himself only half-listening, drifting in and out of consciousness. 

He was startled fully awake when he heard someone say, “And what of the recent skirmishes with Yorumi?”

Mentions of the Kingdom of Yorumi were always enough to get Hiiragi’s attention. 

“What of them?” his father replied with a dismissive wave of his hand. 

The man who spoke—named Kimura, Hiiragi recalled—barreled forward. “It’s my understanding that they have been encroaching closer and closer. Taking settlements further in from the border.”

Hiiragi sat up even further. That was the first he’d heard about any of this. Had his father been keeping this from him, or did he genuinely not think these skirmishes were of concern? 

“Trust they will be dealt with,” the King replied coldly. Looking dejected, Kimura sat back in his chair. 

Nobody mentioned Yorumi the rest of the meeting, but Hiiragi could nearly hear it on the tips of their tongues. Clearly, the King was uninterested in entertaining conversation about their oldest and strongest rivals. 

Hiiragi was interested, though. When it came to Yorumi, Hiiragi would always be interested. 

* * *

The average commoner of Kisetsu probably couldn’t even tell you why it was that they all hated the Kingdom of Yorumi. It’d been a part of their culture for so many centuries that each new generation was practically born with that hatred embedded in their veins. 

Hiiragi—who had grown up with a significantly better education than the average commoner of Kisetsu—knew why his own country and Yorumi hated each other so violently. It’d been built from centuries of overthrow and subsequent revolution, with one country taking over the other before the power shifted back. It was based on thousands of land skirmishes, and millions dead over the years. Since nearly their individual inceptions, the two countries had been pulling control back and forth between them, desperate to be the ones to finally end the other. For good. 

For most of Hiiragi’s childhood, the threat of Yorumi had been far off and fuzzy. At no point in his life were the two countries explicitly at war, instead engaging in small-scale conflicts that were minor enough to avoid justifying an all-out confrontation. Hiiragi was raised to know the histories of the two countries, and to understand the way Yorumi would always be a threat, but no part of him had ever been genuinely concerned. He was safe within the palace walls, he figured. 

That all changed when he was seventeen. 

Even now they were still not totally sure how it happened. An infiltration of sorts, most likely with plans to assassinate the King. There must have been someone on the inside to help the attackers, but if so, they were never caught. It was the kind of attack that clearly went wrong somewhere just as soon as it started, and could never be pinned down to an official political move from Yorumi, instead being passed off by both countries as the work of a rogue group of Yorumi extremists. 

He’d been in their schoolroom when it happened. It was evening, verging on night, and he’d been waiting for Mafuyu to show up so the two of them could practice their fighting, when suddenly, the palace alarm bells started to go off.

“Oh fuck,” Hiiragi cursed. 

Never in his seventeen years of life had the palace alarm bells ever gone off, which meant that something serious must have been happening. Most likely, it meant someone was in the castle. Someone who wasn’t supposed to be there. 

He allowed himself exactly thirty seconds to freak out before he pulled himself together, going through all the things he’d been taught to do in the unlikely event of something like this happening. He doused all his lights before pulling shut all the blinds and creeping to the door to lock it. Once all that was done, he went to the wall furthest from the door and sat down, pulling his knees into his chest. 

Five minutes later, there was a pounding on the door. 

Hiiragi flinched, burying his head in his hands, but the pounding continued. Just as he thought that the intruders were going to bust down the door and kill him, a familiar voice called out, “Hiiragi!” from the other side. 

It was Shizu. 

Hiiragi scrambled up to standing and bolted to the door. He knew the protocol: he wasn’t to open the door for anyone until the bell silenced and the guards arrived. These intruders could have captured Shizu and been using him as bait to lure Hiiragi out. 

But Hiiragi didn’t care. He wasn’t going to leave Shizusumi standing out there where he was in danger. 

Hiiragi pulled open the door, and Shizu collided with him, wrapping his arms around Hiiragi's waist and pushing them back into the room. His face burrowed into Hiiragi’s neck, and he nosed at Hiiragi’s scent gland.

“Fuck,” he muttered into Hiiragi’s skin. “Fuck, you’re okay.”

“Yeah,” Hiiragi assured him. “I’m okay. You’re not an official guard yet. You’re not supposed to be—”

“Don’t care,” Shizu shot back, pulling back to cup Hiiragi’s cheek. He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to Hiiragi’s lips. 

Only when he pulled back did Hiiragi look up and realize Yuki was there as well, glancing around the room with wide eyes. 

“Where’s Mafuyu?” he asked.

Hiiragi’s heart, which had been softening since Shizu’s arrival, froze again. 

“He—He was supposed to meet me here. Right when the bells went off.” 

Yuki cursed under his breath. His voice was raised when he said, “So you don’t know where he is?”

Hiiragi shook his head, and Yuki cursed again. 

Hiiragi knew what Yuki was going to say even before he said it: “I’m going after him.”

“No.” Hiiragi crossed the room to Yuki, grabbing his arm and pulling him back. “You cannot go back out there. Mafuyu is smart. I’m sure he locked himself in somewhere. And worst comes to worst, he knows how to defend himself. You made sure of that.”

For a second, Hiiragi genuinely thought he’d been convincing enough. He thought that Yuki would say, “Yes, you’re right, we’ll all just stay here.”

Instead, he shook free from Hiiragi’s grip and turned to Shizu. “Stay here with him. I’ll be back when I have Mafuyu.”

And then he pulled open the door and crept out into the empty hallway. 

Hiiragi tried to call after him, but Shizu smacked a hand over his mouth and pulled him back, closing the door and bolting it shut. 

The bells didn’t shut off for hours, and Yuki never returned with Mafuyu. Hiiragi and Shizu spent the time sitting in darkness, Hiiragi’s back to Shizu’s chest, with Shizu pressing gentle kisses to his scent gland every time they heard the terrifying sounds of footsteps outside the door. 

Finally, the palace guards arrived at his door and demanded he open it. When he did, they informed him that there’d been an infiltration. They thought they had caught all the attackers, who were all Yorumish. The casualties were minimal—single digits. 

“Have you seen Yuki?” he asked.

The head guard—a tall, blonde man named Akihiko—looked confused for a few seconds before saying, “Oh, Yoshida? He wasn’t with you two?”

Hiiragi’s stomach dropped. “He was. He went to find Mafuyu. He hasn’t turned up?”

“He hasn’t checked back in with the guard.”

Oh fuck fuck fuck fuck, Hiiragi thought, and when he exchanged a look with Shizu, he had a feeling he was thinking the same thing. 

The two of them ventured out into the castle, but hadn’t made it more than twenty steps out Hiiragi’s door before a sharp scream startled them both. They bolted in the direction of the sound, but both came to a screeching halt when they found the source. 

At the end of a hallway, mere feet from Mafuyu’s bedroom door, laid Yuki. His body was slumped on the wood floor, a pool of nearly black blood surrounding him. Mafuyu was on his knees behind the body, holding Yuki’s cold, grey hand. He was wailing, tears streaming down his face. 

For several seconds Hiiragi and Shizu just stared, but finally, Mafuyu looked up and met Hiiragi’s eyes. 

“No,” he cried. “No no no no no no. He’s not allowed—he can’t be—”

Hiiragi dropped down next to Mafuyu and pulled him into his arms, laying Mafuyu’s head down against his shoulder. He held him while he sobbed. 

They got the whole story out of him later. 

He was still in his room when the bells went off, running late to meet Hiiragi. He locked himself in, following protocol just as Hiiragi had, and didn’t come out until the bells finally ended, even when he heard fighting in the hall. When he finally emerged, he found Yuki there. 

He’d nearly made it to Mafuyu’s door before being cut down. 

For nearly all the stuffy lords and advisors in his father’s throne room, the battle with Yorumi was distant. Detached. It was commoners who died at their hands, and had their land stolen. I’d been nameless, faceless guards who’d been killed in the invasion. Not their own friends and family. 

But for Hiiragi, it was personal. They’d taken a fourth of his soul from him. And so no one—no one besides Mafuyu and Shizu—hated the Yorumish like Hiiragi did. 

* * *

When the council meeting ended without another mention of Yorumi, Hiiragi stood to head back to his room. He’d only made it a couple of steps, though, before his father called his name and summoned him over. 

“Yes, Father?” Hiiragi said. 

His father took his arm and gently pulled him aside, away from the ears of the lingering lords and the looming guards. 

“It’s my understanding that your heat should be coming soon,” he said.

Hiiragi blushed. He didn’t particularly want to discuss his heat with his father. He was correct, though; it would only be a few days until his heat arrived. Mafuyu’s had passed just weeks before, and Hiiragi had kept his word about covering for Uenoyama long enough for him to spend a portion of it with Mafuyu. Hiiragi knew his own heat wouldn’t be as pleasant. He’d never been able to spend it with Shizu, since he was so closely guarded in that weak state. The only one who’d ever been allowed passage into his room during his heat was Mafuyu, and Hiiragi figured that would be the case until he wedded. 

When Hiiragi nodded, his father clapped a hand on his shoulder. “Excellent. Your mother and I have discussed it, and we’ve decided that you’re to spend this heat with Uenoyama.”

Hiiragi’s heart stopped beating in his chest. 

“Wh—What?” he stuttered. 

“It would do you two good to get more acquainted with each other.”

Get acquainted? 

“But wouldn’t that be improper?” Hiiragi asked, grasping at straws. 

His father waved a hand dismissively. “Impropriety be damned. He’s to be your mate, and you’re still drinking that tea, yes? So there’s no concern of ill-timed pregnancy. I think this will be good for you both.”

As an unmarried royal, Hiiragi was required to drink a tea that also acted as a contraceptive daily. Although he could only conceive on or around his heats, and was certainly expected to stay celibate until marriage, the tea was to act as an extra precaution against accidentally producing any illegitimate heirs. So his father was correct on that count, but outrageously incorrect on the other.  

Good for you both. If only his father knew. Knowing him, he probably thought he was doing Hiiragi and Uenoyama a favor.

“Father,” Hiiragi started, “I really don’t think—”

“It’s not a request, Hiiragi,” his father snapped. “You will spend your heat with your future mate. Understood?”

Hiiragi swallowed the lump in his throat, suddenly feeling on the verge of tears. Shakily, he nodded. 

“Excellent. You are dismissed.”

Hiiragi fled the throne room.

* * *

When he made it back to the schoolroom/music room/fighting room, Mafuyu was seated on the couch, legs curled up beneath him while he read a book. He looked up at Hiiragi and smiled when he came in. 

“How’d it go?”

Hiiragi didn’t answer him at first, just crossed the room and sat down on the couch across from him. 

Mafuyu’s brows furrowed. “What? What’s going on?”

Hiiragi swallowed nervously. “I have something I have to tell you.”

“What is it?”

Hiiragi bit down on his lip, trying to think of the best way to deliver this news. Finally, he decided that there was no best way, so he just said it:

“My father has ordered Uenoyama and I to spend my heat together.”

Mafuyu’s lips parted in surprise, and for several seconds, he just stared forward, speechless. Finally, he shut his mouth, swallowing and nodding. 

“Alright,” he said.

Somehow, that alright was worse than if Mafuyu just yelled at him.

“I don’t want to! You know I don’t, right?”

“Of course.” Mafuyu nodded again. “We—We knew this was coming.”

They did, of course. But they thought they had time. They didn’t expect that Uenoyama would have to bed and knot him in a matter of days. 

“I’m sorry,” Hiiragi said gently, leaning across the space between them to take Mafuyu’s hand, but Mafuyu pulled away before he could. 

“It’s alright,” he said again, this time through an awkward, unconvincing laugh. Hiiragi could see tears gathering in his eyes. “I’m alright.”

Hiiragi stood up off the couch, suddenly frustrated. “You don’t have to be alright! You can be upset with me!”

Mafuyu stood up as well, and a couple of stray tears leaked down his face. “I’m not upset with you! This is—This is just—”

Just then, there was a knock on the door. It opened, and Haruki stepped in. 

“Your Highness, Uenoyama would like to speak to you.”

“Oh,” Mafuyu whined, a couple more tears streaming down his face as he spun around to face away from the door. 

Uenoyama came in, and Haruki shut the door behind him. At least they were being allowed privacy for this dreadful conversation. 

“Hiiragi, the King said you need to speak to— Mafuyu!” He cut himself off when he noticed Mafuyu’s presence. He crossed the room to Mafuyu, taking his hands in his own. “Why are you upset?” Then his eyes flicked to Hiiragi, and he growled, “Why is he upset?”

Once again, there was really no good way to say what needed to be said. 

“My father has ordered us to spend my upcoming heat together.”

Uenoyama’s reaction was much like Mafuyu’s initial one, his lips parting in surprise and eyebrows raising beneath his bangs. 

“He…”

Mafuyu let out an awful, pitiful sob and dropped Uenoyama’s hands, running to the door and pulling it open before sprinting down the hall. 

“Mafuyu!” Uenoyama called after him, and turned to chase him, but Hiiragi grabbed his arm, spinning him around so they could meet eyes. 

“You will not touch me,” Hiiragi said, voice hard and steady. “I do not care how deep in the heat I get. If I beg. If I plead. You will not touch me, understand? We will not do that to him.”

Uenoyama nodded. “I understand.”

Hiiragi dropped his arm, and Uenoyama took off down the hall, towards the man he actually loved. 

* * *

Days passed, and Hiiragi couldn’t find Shizu. He hadn’t had a moment alone with him in weeks, not since he fucked Hiiragi on top of the dresser. He was desperate to get to speak with him before his heat was due to begin, so he did something he very rarely did: he found Akihiko, and specifically asked for Shizu to escort him from that afternoon’s council meeting. He hated to do anything that could draw attention to his relationship with Shizu, but he figured there was a good chance Akihiko already knew, anyway. And besides, Hiiragi had heard a whisper that he and Haruki were secretly seeing each other as well, so maybe he understood Hiiragi’s plight. 

Sure enough, Shizu showed up to the council room just as the meeting was ending, and the two of them walked in silence back to Hiiragi’s rooms. When they reached the door, they each glanced around to make sure nobody was near before Shizu followed him in. 

The door had barely shut before Shizu was connecting their lips, fingers pulling up Hiiragi’s shirt and dancing across his bare skin. Hiiragi shivered, stifling a moan. He wanted nothing more than to forget all of this, and let Shizu fuck the concerns out of his head, but he knew that wasn’t an option just then. 

“Shizu,” he said, pushing against his chest. “I need to talk to you about something.”

Shizu pulled back, a look of confusion on his face. “What?”

For the third time, Hiiragi found himself resigning himself to the fact that there was no good way to say what needed to be said. 

“My heat starts in a couple days,” he said first, and Shizu just nodded. “And my father has ordered Uenoyama and I to spend it together.”

For several seconds, Shizu didn’t respond, but he didn’t need to use words for Hiiragi to know what he was thinking. It was clear in the way his posture tightened that he liked this information just as much as Mafuyu had.

“But you’re not even married yet,” Shizu said simply, but Hiiragi could hear him fighting to keep his voice steady. 

“I know. I said that. I—I tried protesting it, but he’d made up his mind.”

Shizu’s body somehow became even tenser, and he pulled further back from Hiiraigi, who grabbed onto his hand, desperate to keep some part of them connected. 

“I don’t want to!” he cried. “I don’t want anyone but you in there with me, but I—I don’t have a choice.” 

“So you’re just going to let him fuck you?”

Shizu’s voice was so cold that it made Hiiragi flinch.

“No.” He shook his head. “He promised he wouldn’t touch me. No matter what.”

“You mean no matter how much you beg him to,” Shizu spat. “No matter how much you cry and plead because you just want a knot. Any knot.”

“No, no.” Hiiragi shook his head again, gripping Shizu’s hand tighter. “Not any knot. I’ll never want any knot. Just yours. It’s always yours I want.”

It would always be Shizu’s knot that Hiiragi wanted, but they both knew that Hiiragi would never get it. 

Shizu pulled free from his grasp, and Hiiragi let out an awful whine. 

“You’re being naive, Hiiragi,” Shizu said, “if you think he’ll be able to hold back when he sees you like that.” 

“He will. He promised. He would never do that to Mafuyu.”

Shizu let out a cruel laugh. “His instincts will take over. Both of yours will. He won’t care about Mafuyu. You won’t care about me.”

The absolute certainty with which Shizu said the words made Hiiragi flinch again. He felt something wet on his cheeks, and realized suddenly that he’d begun to cry. 

“Why are you being like this?” Hiiragi whispered. “You know this isn’t what I want, either.”

Shizu looked down at him. “I don’t know how else to be.”

“Just—” Hiiragi took Shizu’s hand again, pulling him close and laying his head down on Shizu’s chest. “Just hold me. Hold me and tell me it’ll be alright.”

Shizu hesitated, but finally wrapped his arms around Hiiragi's waist and kept him cradled against his body. He laid his cheek down on the top of Hiiragi’s head. 

Shizu didn’t tell him it would be alright, because they both knew it was a lie, and Shizu was not in the habit of lying to Hiiragi. He just held him as the minutes ticked forward, until they both knew they were running out of time. When he pulled back, it took every ounce of Hiiragi’s willpower not to say fuck it to the palace guard and his title and everything and just keep Shizu there with him. But that was not their reality, so he let Shizu press a shaky kiss to his forehead and leave the room. 

Hiiragi waited for him to be gone to burst into tears. 

* * *

Hiiragi tried to delay his heat as long as possible, like he could push it off just through sheer willpower. But eventually, the waves started to drag him under, and he couldn’t help but retreat to his room and build his nest in his bed. It was coming, and coming soon, and nothing Hiiragi could do would make it stop. 

Eventually, his mother came to check on him, pressing a kiss to his sweaty forehead before telling him how proud she was of him. How wonderful this whole experience would be. How lucky he was to have such an amazing mate. 

Hiiragi curled up into a ball when she left, tears streaming down his face. He knew they’d go get Uenoyama now, which meant these were his last few moments to retain his dignity. He could already feel the desire overtaking him, so even if he and Uenoyama were strong enough to avoid actually touching each other, Hiiragi would never be able to avoid touching himself, even with Uenoyama present. Just the idea made him want to throw up. 

It was only a few minutes until there was a knock on the door, and then his nostrils were assaulted by Uenoyama’s alpha scent. Hiiragi was always distantly aware of it, but his heat was making his senses so much more heightened. And to his shame, he found that now, he liked the smell of it. He’d never liked Uenoyama’s scent before, but now it was like a drug. There was something off—something that told Hiiragi that it wasn’t really what he wanted—but that something existed in the rational part of Hiiragi’s brain, and that part was slowly getting chipped away at. 

He sat up in bed with a groan, grasping his stomach. 

Uenoyama was standing with his back against the door, hands gripped into tight fists at his sides. His cheeks were bright pink, eyes open wide. 

“Fuck,” he cursed. “Oh, fuck. This is bad.”

“What?” Hiiragi asked, pulling up onto his knees. 

Uenoyama’s eyes drifted closed. “Your scent. It’s—fuck—it’s—”

“Yes.” Hiiragi nodded, closing his eyes as well. “Yours too.”

Uenoyama took a deep breath, letting it out with a loud exhale. Then he very carefully said, “I am not going to touch you.”

A pained whine burst free from Hiiragi’s lips, and for a moment all that flashed through his mind was Why won’t this alpha touch me? Fuck me? Knot me? What did I do wrong?

Then Hiiragi reigned his mind in. This was not his alpha. This was Uenoyama. Mafuyu’s alpha, who Hiiragi didn’t even like. He was losing it more and more by the minute, but he had still had it together enough to remember making Uenoyama promise not to touch him. At least Uenoyama seemed to remember also. 

For the next hour, they sat in pained, awful silence. Uenoyama breathed heavily, not moving from the door, while Hiiragi laid on the bed, squirming and gasping as his heat took him further and further. 

Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore, and he leaned back against the pillows, starting to pull down his pants, which were practically soaked with slick. 

Uenoyama must have smelled it based on the way he inhaled sharply and asked, “What are you doing?”

“I have to—”

“No,” Uenoyama snapped. “Not with me—I can’t—You can’t—”

But Hiiragi wasn’t listening, he was already taking his cock in one hand while snaking the other around to slip one finger into his soaked hole. He needed to touch himself. He needed some amount of release. 

He started to moan as he worked both hands simultaneously, fucking his own fist while slowly working two, then three fingers inside of himself. 

“Hiiragi—” Uenoyama gasped, and the noise sounded closer this time. When Hiiragi looked up, Uenoyama wasn’t against the door anymore. He was halfway across the room, pupils so dilated the blue of his eyes was nearly entirely swallowed up. 

Hiiragi continued fucking himself, and with each moan, Uenoyama took another step towards him until he was standing just over the bed. 

“Hiiragi,” Uenoyama said again, and this time it distinctly sounded like a warning. 

“You—” Hiiragi whined. “You could just—”

Uenoyama swallowed, but then shook his head like he was clearing it. “I can’t just anything. We—We agreed.”

Hiiragi felt frustrated tears start to stream down his face. “But I need it. It doesn’t have to mean anything.”

“No.”

“Please.”

“I said I wouldn’t,” Uenoyama said. “Even if you begged. Even if you pleaded.” 

“I—ah— ” Hiiragi gasped as he hit his prostate head-on. “I need a knot. Please, please, please, I need it so bad.”

Uenoyama’s lips parted, his eyes somehow getting even blacker. Hiiragi could see his fangs starting to elongate. 

He’s going to give in, Hiiragi thought, the omega inside of him slightly giddy. 

“I just need to—” Uenoyama cut himself off as he dropped onto the bed, crawling forward on his knees until he was hovering just in front of Hiiragi. His eyes shut, mouth dropping open in a small moan. “Fuck, Hiiragi, you smell so…”

“Mmhm,” Hiiragi hummed, biting his lip and nodding his head as he pumped his fingers faster. 

Uenoyama’s eyes opened, and for the first time, they narrowed in on where Hiiragi was touching himself. He licked his lips, crawling marginally closer. Hiiragi spread his legs even further, and this time, Uenoyama crawled between them. He braced one hand against the bed’s headboard and leaned forward over Hiiragi, the other coming down to press at his cock through his pants. 

The sight made Hiiragi whine, and he leaned his head back further, exposing his scent gland. Uenoyama responded to the increase in his scent right away, snaking a hand into the front of his pants. His hand started to move rhythmically against the fabric as he jerked himself off. 

Hiiragi started to fuck himself faster. He was getting close now, his brain getting foggier and foggier by the second. There was some reason this was bad, right? Some reason they weren’t supposed to do this. He just couldn’t recall what.

“Uenoyama,” he gasped. “I need you to—”

This time, before Hiiragi could even get out the words, Uenoyama was reaching to undo his pants.

And then the door flew open. 

“Oh no,” someone muttered from the doorway. 

Hiiragi knew that voice. Who was here? Who was—

Mafuyu. 

His head cleared just enough for Hiiragi to think, This is bad. This is so, so bad. 

He was opening his lips to say something, to call out to Mafuyu and offer an excuse or an explanation or something, but then the room suddenly became filled with the sound of growling and a new, even stronger scent, this one intimately familiar to Hiiragi. 

“Shizusumi,” he croaked. 

Uenoyama let go of the headboard and spun around, but he’d barely turned fully before Shizu was grabbing him by the throat and literally ripping him off of Hiiragi and the bed. He slammed Uenoyama into the wall, teeth bared in a threat. Uenoyama took five seconds to be disoriented before his own eyes narrowed, growling back. 

Oh, this is so, so, so bad, Hiiragi realized, scrambling up on the bed. 

Two alphas in a room with an omega in heat. An omega in heat that both alphas thought they had a claim to. Who cared that common sense said that the alphas weren’t really enemies? Biology said otherwise. 

And biology won. 

This is about to become a bloodbath. 

“Hey!” Mafuyu shouted, jumping between Shizu and Uenoyama and putting his hands on Shizu’s chest, literally shoving him backwards. “Get a hold of yourselves!” 

Shizu stumbled backwards, and even though his eyes still flashed with murder at Uenoyama, Mafuyu was in the way, acting as a blockade. It was an effective blockade; Shizu would probably have killed anything between him and Uenoyama right then, besides Mafuyu. And Mafuyu knew it. 

Hiiragi watched as Uenoyama’s nostrils flared, and then his eyes turned blue again. “Mafuyu?”

Mafuyu turned to face him, tilting his head to the side to bear his scent gland. It was both an act of submission, but also a way to spread his scent. Uenoyama responded immediately, pulling him into a hug and pressing his nose into Mafuyu’s neck. 

“I didn’t—I didn’t touch him,” he said to Mafuyu. “I wouldn’t. I would never—”

“It’s okay.” Mafuyu ran his hand through Uenoyama’s sweaty hair. “It’s… It’s okay.”

Mafuyu knew as well as Hiiragi that what Uenoyama said was a lie. He might not have touched Hiiragi, but he wanted to. And if Mafuyu and Shizu had shown up two minutes later, they would have walked in to find Uenoyama fucking Hiiragi into the mattress. 

The thought caused revulsion to turn over Hiiragi’s stomach, and he gagged where he sat on the bed. All the chaos was causing the fog in his mind to clear enough for Hiiragi to become distantly aware of the fact that he was naked from the waist down in front of all of these people, and he grew a bit self-conscious. And also confused. 

“How did you…”

“It was not easy,” Mafuyu said with a huff. “I had to tell everyone I was going to Shiki for the rest of the week, and then I had to specifically request Shizu to be my escort, and then I had to wait until the guards were switching which they are doing now so we only have at most another two minutes until they burst in here and discover what we’re doing so let’s go!” 

“Wait, so—” Hiiragi started, furrowing his brows, but Mafuyu cut him off again. 

“I’m taking Ritsuka, and leaving Shizu here with you.” He dragged some clothing out of his bag and tossed it at Uenoyama. “Put this on. It’s a guard uniform. You guys look enough alike, I think if we move fast we can get out without anyone noticing.”

Uenoyama didn’t need to be told twice. He grabbed the uniform and started stripping, dragging on the new clothes, shooting slightly terrified looks at Shizu the entire time. Shizu stayed glaring at him, hands clenched into fists, clearly barely managing to control himself. 

Once Uenoyama was dressed in his uniform, Mafuyu took his hand and peered out the door. “The coast is clear. We’ll be back in five days. Your heat better be over by then.”

Then they disappeared out the door, slamming it closed behind them. 

“Did he touch you?” Shizu asked, voice raspy.

“No.” Hiiragi shook his head. He didn’t point out that Uenoyama had already said that he hadn’t; he figured Shizu probably needed to hear it from Hiiragi’s own lips. 

“I will kill him,” Shizu said anyway. “If he put one finger on you, I will fucking—”

“He didn’t. I swear.” 

There was a moment of heavy silence. Then Shizu said, “Did you want him to?”

Shame crept up Hiiragi’s throat. He could feel the waves of his heat threatening to drag him back under, but he had to keep his mind long enough to have this conversation. 

“I only wanted you,” Hiiragi replied. He scooted over to the edge of the bed, wrapping his hands around Shizu’s hips to pull him closer, tilting his eyes up, but Shizu refused to meet them. “I always only want you. But you weren’t here.”

“So yes,” he bit out.

“It wasn’t really him that I wanted,” Hiiragi said gently. “Please understand that. Please don’t hold my biology against me.”

Finally Shizu met his gaze. His voice was hard but careful as he said, “Do you understand how it felt to walk in here and see you like that with another alpha on top of you? Fucking touching himself to you? I could smell how much he wanted you, Hiiragi.”

“Only if you understand how it felt to be trapped in here with him, knowing that my body was forcing me to want something I’ve never once actually wanted,” Hiiragi shot back. 

Hiiragi leaned forward, pressing his cheek against Shizu’s abdomen. His stomach was starting to cramp again, heat spreading in his lower body. His lucidity was quickly leaving him. 

“Please, Shizu,” he begged. “Please don’t be angry. Please stay. Please touch me. I need you. I need you so bad.”

Hiiragi knew that this issue wasn’t entirely resolved, and Shizu must have known also, but there wasn’t time anymore. Hiiragi’s body was taking control, and he could smell the way Shizu was responding. His alpha scent was growing, and that was the scent Hiiragi wanted all along. 

Shizu didn’t respond to his plea with words. Instead, he just stepped backwards out of Hiiragi’s reach and started to remove his clothes. Hiiragi’s mouth watered as each new bare inch of skin was revealed, and a whine left his lips when Shizu finally stepped out of his underwear and was completely naked in front of him. 

Hiiragi leaned back in the bed, resting on the pillows, and then he spread his legs apart. Shizu stood at the end of the bed, watching him. It was an awful mirrored picture of how he’d been with Uenoyama, but this time, there was no shame involved. 

“How many fingers were you doing? When I came in?” he asked. 

Just the question and the firmness of Shizu’s tone had Hiiragi leaking slick. 

“Three,” he replied with a gasp. 

“Then do that again.”

“You’re not gonna—”

“Not yet,” Shizu interrupted. “I want to watch first. I want to see what he got to see.”

It was a stupid, jealous comment, but something about it just stoked the fire inside Hiiragi’s belly even more. His alpha was angry somebody else had seen him like this. His alpha was protective. His alpha wanted him badly enough that he’d kill anyone else who touched him. 

Hiiragi resumed the position he was in before, grasping his cock with one hand while fucking three fingers into his opening. He was hitting his prostate with each thrust, and each time, a lewd moan would burst free from his lips. 

Shizu sat down at the end of the bed. He was closer now, and his scent was even stronger. It made Hiiragi feel drunk. 

“Make yourself come,” Shizu instructed. 

His words were the permission Hiiragi needed. He’d been on edge for so long—since even before Shizu got here—and so it only took a couple more thrusts of his fingers and strokes of his cock for him to come with a loud cry, eyes squeezing shut in pleasure. 

Usually, after he came during a heat, he had at least a few minutes of clarity. But usually, he didn’t have a hungry alpha leaning over him, practically leaking pheromones. So this time, he had maybe thirty seconds before the discomfort began again. 

“Shizu,” he pleaded. “Shizusumi, please.”

Maybe it was the begging, or the use of his full name, or perhaps Shizu’s patience had just worn thin, but the second Hiiragi said please, Shizu pounced forward, slamming their lips together. 

They kissed sloppily for several minutes, Hiiragi still lightly tugging at his cock, which was already hard again despite the fact that he came just minutes before. Eventually, Shizu batted his hand away and took over, and his hand was so much bigger and warmer. It felt infinitely better. 

“Inside,” Hiiragi gasped, arching his back and tilting his hips up. “Need you inside.”

Shizu dropped his cock to instead dip three fingers into Hiiragi’s hole, starting to pump them in and out hard and fast. It felt better than when it was Hiiragi’s own fingers, but it still wasn’t enough. 

“Need—Need your cock,” Hiiragi whined. “Need your knot, alpha. Please.”

With a growl, Shizu pulled his fingers out and flipped Hiiragi onto his front, pulling up his hips so his ass was in the air and his face was in the pillow. He wrapped one hand around Hiiragi’s hip and the other around his throat before slamming his hips forward and burying himself inside Hiiragi with one thrust.

Hiiragi screamed.

He’d had Shizu inside him countless times, but never when he was in heat. And if having Shizu inside of him normally felt good, it was nothing compared to how incredible it felt then. His hands scrabbled on the bed, pulling at the blankets at the base of the nest. His face was shoved further into the pillow with each pump of Shizu’s hips, and he could feel drool dripping past his lips. His eyes were rolled back in his head, his body limp as Shizu fucked him within an inch of his life. 

At some point, he started to babble, barely even aware of what he was saying. 

“Shizu, Shizu, alpha, I need—I need—I need your knot. I need your cum. I need it. Please, alpha, please, please, please, please— ”

Instead of giving him what he wanted, Shizu pulled out. 

Hiiragi let out a sob, hips pushing back, desperate to be full again. Shizu stopped him, though, before manhandling him onto Shizu’s lap with Shizu leaning against the pillows. 

“I want to be able to see you,” Shizu said, “when you come on my knot.”

And yes yes yes, Hiiragi wanted that too. 

He sunk back down on Shizu’s cock, and somehow, it felt even bigger that way. He started to bounce his hips, desperately chasing his own release. There was so much slick pouring out of him that Shizu’s whole lower half was soaked, and there was a wet squelching noise every time he thrust back inside, but Hiiragi didn’t have it in him to be embarrassed. Embarrassment had gone flying out the window long ago. Now, all Hiiragi could focus on was the feel of Shizu’s knot starting to swell and the way Hiiragi was getting wound tighter and tighter. 

Suddenly, Shizu’s hand wrapped around Hiiragi’s overly-sensitive cock, and that was it. One more thrust, followed by one more stroke had Hiiragi tightening around Shizu and coming onto his chest. 

Shizu let out a long groan, and then before Hiiragi could even really register it happening, his knot fully popped, and he thrust it inside Hiiragi, warm cum filling him up from the inside. The feeling of it was indescribable, and for the first time in any of his many heats, Hiiragi felt genuinely satisfied. 

He’d been fucked. He’d been knotted. He’d been bred. This was what he was built for, and it’d all been done by his alpha. His real alpha. 

His only alpha. 

Hiiragi tilted his head to the side, bearing his throat. 

“Bite me,” he slurred. 

There was a second of silence, then Shizu said, “No.”

The word was like a bucket of cold water poured over Hiiragi’s head. 

Suddenly, there were tears gathering in his eyes. “Please.”

“No.”

“Shizu, alpha, you—you need to bite me. If you don’t, they’re going to—they’re going to make me marry him. I can’t—I can’t do that. I can’t—”

“Hiiragi,” Shizu cut off his rambling. “I cannot bite you.”

Hiiragi looked down at Shizu, his eyes blurry with tears. “Why not? Do you not love me?”

“Hiiragi,” Shizu repeated. “You… You know how I feel about you.”

“I don’t,” Hiiragi sobbed. “You have never told me. You—You don’t love me. You don’t want to claim me. You don’t want to be my mate.”

“Hiiragi,” Shizu said for the third time, wrapping his hand around the back of Hiiragi’s neck and holding his head steady. “The way I feel about you… Words cannot contain it.” He leaned forward and pressed his lips against Hiiragi’s scent gland, and his voice was low as he whispered, “You are my mate in every way that matters.”

Hiiragi shook his head. “They’re going to take you from me. If you don’t claim me, they’ll take you away. And I cannot be away from you. I cannot live without you.”

“And that is why I cannot do this,” Shizu said. “This isn’t the solution you think it is. It wouldn’t work out the way you think.” He forced Hiiragi to meet his eyes. “It is a death sentence, love.”

“I don’t care. I would rather die. I’d rather die than be without you.”

Shizu’s eyes got sad. “It’s not you they’d kill.” He paused and then added, “And they’d still make you marry him. I’d be gone, and you’d have to marry him anyway, and then… you’d be all alone. I wouldn’t be there to keep you safe. And that—that is all I care about, Hiiragi. So I will not subject us to that.”

Somewhere, there was a logical part of Hiiragi that understood that Shizu was right. But that part was so overshadowed by every ounce of Hiiragi’s pain. Every cell in his body hurt so badly, and had hurt so badly for as long as he could remember. He wanted this one thing, and it was out of reach, and at that moment, it felt like Shizu was the one keeping it from him. 

His voice was hard as he said, “If you will not bite me, then I don’t know what we’re doing here.”

“Hiiragi—”

“There is no point. If you—” He sniffled, wiping his eyes. “If you won’t do this… If you don’t want me, then you should just go.”

“I do want you. I—”

And right at that moment—as if it sensed what Hiiragi had decided—Shizu’s knot deflated. 

Hiiragi pulled off his lap on unsteady legs, standing up out of the nest and backing up to the corner of the room. His arm shook as he raised it and pointed at the door. 

“Leave.”

Shizu stood up and took two steps towards him. “Hiiragi, this could be the last time we have left. Please don’t end it. Please don’t send me away.”

But all Hiiragi could focus on was the rejection. He was being rejected. He was going to be all alone, with a mate who would never love him, and an alpha who would never claim him. 

And if he was going to end up alone, he might as well start then. 

“Leave, Shizusumi.”

And that time, Shizu listened.

Chapter Text

The rest of Hiiragi’s heat was the worst of his life. Even worse than his first, when he barely knew how to touch himself, and spent the entire time in miserable frustration. This time, he alternated between furiously touching himself, trying to drown out the pain in pleasure, and sobbing into his pillow, lonely and afraid. 

His heat broke just before Mafuyu and Uenoyama returned on the fifth day. Once Mafuyu had snuck the two of them back in, he took one look at Hiiragi’s broken form, curled in the fetal position in his nest, and sent Uenoyama away. They spent the rest of that evening curled in Hiiragi’s disgusting, sex-smelling nest together, with Mafuyu pressed up against Hiiragi’s back. 

“You should hate me,” Hiiragi had sobbed out at some point. 

Mafuyu had just squeezed him tighter. “I don’t.”

That made it worse. Only Mafuyu would forgive Hiiragi for what he’d done with Uenoyama. It would be easier if Mafuyu just hated him instead. 

Eventually, Mafuyu helped him to clean up both himself and his bed before helping Hiiragi climb under the sheets. 

“I’ll check on you in the morning,” he’d said, pressing a soft kiss to Hiiragi’s forehead, and Hiiragi, exhausted and battered, had quickly fallen asleep. 

That was three days ago. 

Each day, Mafuyu came to his door and asked him if he wanted to get up. If he wanted to go read, practice fighting, or practice their instruments. Each day, Hiiragi sent him away, incapable of even meeting his eyes. 

On the fourth day, Mafuyu didn’t come. Perhaps he finally got the message. 

It wasn’t until the fifth day that Hiiragi managed to rouse himself. He was sure he’d missed council meetings he was supposed to attend, and probably some other royal formalities, but he couldn’t be bothered to care. Not when everything around him was crumbling. 

Every moment that he was awake had Hiiragi playing back through the events of that awful, awful day. The way he told Uenoyama to fuck him, and the way Uenoyama nearly had. The way Hiiragi had touched himself to another man, and Uenoyama had touched himself back. The way Shizu and Mafuyu had seen the two of them like that. The way he asked Shizu to bite him, and Shizu had said no. The way he had sent Shizu away, despite Shizu begging to stay. 

The way things were over now. Really, truly over. 

Because there was no point anymore, was there? Shizu would never bite him. Never claim him. Hiiragi would marry Uenoyama, and once they married, the two of them would fuck. Uenoyama would breed him, and to Hiiragi’s shame, he would enjoy it. He would want it. He wouldn’t be able to help himself. And Shizu would never touch him again.

He hated himself for that. A part of him hoped that Shizu hated him also. 

* * *

He returned to his royal duties on that fifth day, but didn't see Mafuyu again until the tenth, when finally, they ran into each other in the halls outside their old schoolroom. 

“Oh,” Mafuyu said, cheeks turning pink. “You're up.”

“Yes.” 

Hiiragi pushed open the doors, heading inside, and Mafuyu followed him. Hiiragi just walked to the couch, sitting down and fiddling with his own hands. He could hear Mafuyu breathing where he stood still against the door, and then finally, the tap tap tap of his feet as he crossed the room and sat down on the couch across from Hiiragi. 

“Hiiragi,” he said gently, “why have you been avoiding me? Why won't you look at me?”

Hiiragi wrung his hands together, squeezing at his own skin until it turned red. 

“Because I—I did something awful to you,” he said finally. 

“I don't hold it against you,” Mafuyu replied. “It is not… my favorite memory, walking in and seeing that, but I knew when I fell in love with him that one day the two of you would have to…”

“It was me who asked for it. Who started it.” Finally, Hiiragi looked up to meet Mafuyu’s eyes. His own were blurry with unshed tears. 

Mafuyu smiled a sad little smile. “You were in heat, Hiiragi. You were unable to control yourself. I know what that's like.” He chuckled. “If it'd been me in there with Shizu, I just know—”

“Don't even say it,” Hiiragi interrupted, nausea crawling up his throat. “And don't… Don't say his name.”

Mafuyu reached across the space between them and took his hand. 

“Would you please tell me what happened between the two of you?”

Hiiragi bit his lip, tears finally starting to drip down his cheeks. 

“I… I asked him to bite me. For real.”

Mafuyu gasped. “Hiiragi. You know he can't—”

“I do. Of course I do. It's just…” He shook his head. “I don't see the point anymore. Of me loving him. And him loving me.”

Mafuyu squeezed his hand. “Does there have to be a point?” He paused and then added, “Was there no point to me loving Yuki?”

Hiiragi’s eyes widened. “Of course there was.”

“But he died. I never got to mate with him. But that doesn't make our love any less real.” He squeezed Hiiragi’s hand again. “If the world was different—if we were different—I would mate with Ritsuka, and you would mate with Shizusumi, and everything would be wonderful. But this is the hand we were dealt.”

“And don't you hate it?” Hiiragi exclaimed. “Don't you at least wish it was different?”

“Of course I do. And I know I am luckier than you are. I know that when your marriage comes, I will still be able to… to be with Ritsuka, in some way. And I know the same cannot be said of you and Shizu. But that doesn't mean what the two of you share isn't just as important. And Hiiragi.” He paused, eyes boring into Hiiragi’s. “The fact that it will soon be over doesn't mean you have to ruin what little time the two of you have left.”

And, oh, leave it to Mafuyu to read Hiiragi so well. To know exactly what he did. To hit Hiiragi right where it hurt: his pride. 

A small sob ripped free from Hiiragi’s throat. “Everything will be ruined now. He won't want me any more.”

“Oh, Hiiragi.” Mafuyu slid into the seat next to him, wrapping his arms around Hiiragi and tugging him down to rest his head on his shoulder in a perfect replica of how Hiiragi had held him three years before. “Shizusumi will always want you.”

* * *

Hiiragi waited. He figured at some point, Shizusumi would come to him, or at the very least, Shizu’s role as a palace guard would inevitably throw them together. But it didn't. Weeks passed, and the two of them didn't even cross paths in the halls. Hiiragi was beginning to suspect that Shizu was trading shifts just to get away from him. 

Uenoyama was doing an equally good job of keeping away from him, feigning illness just to avoid having to meet with Hiiragi. But eventually, his father ordered the two of them to a meeting, and their forced separation was brought to a close. 

When the two of them arrived in the throne room, Hiiragi avoided Uenoyama’s eyes like the plague. He thought if he even looked at him, he might just burst into flames. 

“Thank you both for coming here today,” his father said joyously, completely oblivious to the tension between the two of them. “I called you here to tell you that we’ve finally set a date for the wedding.”

“W—What?” Hiiragi stuttered, peering up at his father with wide eyes. 

“Yes.” His father clapped his hands together. “It will be three weeks from today.”

“Three weeks?” Uenoyama squeaked out.

Hiiragi was speechless. Three weeks was insane. The last time he’d spoken to his mother, she had made it sound like it would still be months. They couldn’t plan a royal wedding in just three weeks. There must have been a reason it was being pushed up. 

All at once, Hiiragi realized what that reason was. 

He’d been sitting in on council meetings. He knew that tensions with Yorumi were rising. The skirmishes were growing more frequent, and he often caught his father whispering with his advisors in a way that made him think there was more to the story that he was hiding from everyone, his son included. 

If his father was growing concerned that Yorumi was becoming more of a threat, he would be concerned about the security of his line. He would want Hiiragi mating as soon as possible, so he and Uenoyama could begin trying for an heir right away. 

He was pushing this up so he could breed his son like an animal. This was all about producing alpha heirs. 

Rage rushed over Hiiragi. He wanted to cry. He wanted to scream. He wanted to refuse, but that was not an option. 

Just like Shizu couldn’t bite him, Hiiragi couldn’t refuse this decree. 

His father dismissed them, still seeming joyous and pleased, still oblivious. The two of them stepped out of the throne room, and were alone together for the first time in weeks. 

There were several moments of terrible, awkward silence, but then Uenoyama broke it. 

“I’m sorry. For what happened,” he said. 

Hiiragi was surprised. Why was he apologizing? 

“Why are you sorry?” he said with disbelief. 

“I promised you I wouldn’t touch you.”

“And you didn’t.”

Uenoyama finally met his gaze, deep despair apparent in eyes. His voice was no more than a whisper as he said, “I would have. You and I both know what would have happened had Mafuyu not shown up.”

“And that is not your fault,” Hiiragi shot back. “I was… I was begging you. It’s me who should be sorry.”

“Fine.” Uenoyama ground his teeth. “You can be sorry too.”

“Besides,” Hiiragi said, cheeks flushing, “I am not the one you should be apologizing to.”

Uenoyama’s cheeks turned pink as well, and his eyes went hard. “Do you think I haven’t? Do you think it’s not destroying me what I did to him? I have spent every moment since then doing everything in my power to make it up to him. To make up for what will have to happen three weeks from now.”

Hiiragi stepped forward into Uenoyama’s personal space. “I hate you for dragging him into this,” he hissed. “I wish he didn’t love you. Why did you have to pursue him? Why couldn’t you have just left him alone?”

“I had no choice!” Uenoyama's voice was rising by that point. “Why couldn’t you have left Shizusumi alone?”

“That’s different.”

“It’s not,” Uenoyama spat. “He is no less my true mate than Shizusumi is yours. I had no more choice in loving him.”

“But you’ll get to have him!” This time, the words came out as a shout. “You will get to spend the rest of your life fucking him behind my back. Fathering his fucking bastards , and I will spend the rest of my life hating you both for it. And one day… One day, Mafuyu will grow to resent me for mating with you instead. He’ll hate me for it, as well. And then I will have no one. No true mate, no brother, no lover, no one.”

Hiiragi’s outburst finally seemed to have stunned Uenoyama silent. Eventually, he brought a hand up and wiped away a stray tear from Hiiragi’s cheek. Hiiragi hadn’t even noticed that he’d started crying. 

“I’m sorry,” Uenoyama said gently. “This isn’t what I wanted. For any of us. I wish it could be different.”

Hiiragi did too.

* * *

A few more days passed, and Hiiragi grew restless. He knew he’d hurt Shizu, but he also needed to see him. He hadn’t gone this long without him since they first met, and the separation was killing him. He needed to at least lay eyes on him, to see that he was okay. 

It was Mafuyu that he turned to. 

“Just… Just tell him I need to see him. Tell him to meet me tonight at midnight in the back maid stairs. Tell him I said please.”

Mafuyu nodded. It was easier for him to reach Shizu than Hiiragi, since largely, nobody cared what he was up to. He could slip into the guard barracks to deliver a message to Shizu, and for that, Hiiragi was infinitely grateful. 

That night, Hiiragi waited with bated breath for midnight to arrive. He wasn’t sure Shizu would show up. All he could do was hope. He wasn’t sure how he would cope if Shizu delivered the killing blow in the form of ignoring Hiiragi’s request. 

Just before midnight, he slipped from his room, padding through the dark hallways until he reached the back maid stairway. It was largely out of use nowadays, and they all used to meet there as children to fuck around together. It’d been years since they met there, but the space was still full of memories. He’d cried with Mafuyu there, drunk with Yuki there, and been kissed by Shizu up against the wall. As he entered it, he felt nearly oppressed by their shared past, weighing on his shoulders. 

Standing at the bottom of the stairs was Shizusumi, leaning back against the wall, arms crossed in front of him and a lantern at his feet. 

He’d come. He’d actually come. 

“Shizu,” Hiiragi said quietly, and Shizu looked up to meet his eyes. Hiiragi descended the rest of the steps until he was right in front of him. 

In the darkness, Shizu’s eyes were black, his skin glowing nearly golden. He was beautiful all the time, but at that moment, Hiiragi thought he’d never looked so alluring. So enthralling. So perfect in every possible way. 

“You came,” he said quietly, but when he brought a hand up to cup Shizu’s cheek, Shizu flinched away. Dejected, Hiiragi dropped his hand. 

“Mafuyu threatened me, and he’s scary when he gets like that.”

Hiiragi let out a small chuckle of agreement, but inside, his stomach was dropping. 

“What did you want to talk about?” Shizu asked. 

Hiiragi swallowed nervously, rocking back and forth on his feet.

“You’ve been avoiding me.”

Shizu stared at him, face impassive. “You told me to leave. You sent me away.”

“I—I know. But I… I didn’t mean forever.”

“That is not what you implied.”

Hiiragi had nothing to say to that. He had implied it was forever. He just hadn’t meant it, that was all. 

“Did you want me to chase you?” Shizu asked, his voice hard. “To make a fool of myself trying to change your mind?”

“No.” Hiiragi recoiled, partially in anger, but also partially in shame. Because hadn’t that been some of what he’d wanted? He wanted Shizu to not take no for an answer. “I just… I wanted you to fight for me.”

Shizu let out a cruel laugh. “I am done fighting, Hiiragi. You were right. If I can’t claim you, what’s the point? I heard the rumors. You’re to be married in less than a month, and then this will be over whether we like it or not. So we might as well end it now. A clean break.”

Every word out of Shizu’s mouth was cold and calculated. It was terrible. It was the same things that Hiiragi had said, but devoid of the emotion. 

“You don’t mean that.” Hiiragi shook his head. “You—You love me. You said I was your mate in every way that mattered. You’re just trying to hurt me. To push me away.”

“No,” Shizu said. “I just see things the way they are now.”

A single tear escaped down Hiiragi’s cheek. He waited for Shizu to wipe it away like he always did. To say that this was all a mistake. To say that yes, he still loved Hiiragi. But he didn’t, he just stood, arms crossed, peering down at Hiiragi with vacancy in his stare. 

“I love you,” Hiiragi said, and as he did, he realized he’d never once said it before. “That’s what matters.”

“And that isn’t enough.”

That was it. The end of the conversation. Because wasn’t Shizusumi right? Wasn’t this what Hiiragi had said to him during his heat? 

But it hurt. Oh, did it hurt. It hurt so bad that Hiiragi thought the pain would devour him whole. He thought it might just kill him. 

Shizu leaned down, hand hovering just over Hiiragi’s cheek, and he pressed a kiss to Hiiragi’s forehead, long and lingering. When he pulled back, he said, “Goodbye, Hiiragi.”

Then he went back up the stairs, and Hiiragi was alone. 

Just like he knew he always would be. 

* * *

Hiiragi restrained his sobs on the walk back to his room, furiously wiping tears from his eyes. He couldn’t wake the whole castle with his crying. He needed to get back to his room before falling apart completely. 

He quietly turned the doorknob to his personal rooms, tiptoeing through his receiving room until he reached his bedroom door. Vaguely, he noticed a dim light coming from underneath the door. Had he left a lamp on?

He walked inside, and froze immediately. 

“Hello, prince,” a slimy voice said. 

There was a man in his bedroom. 

Or more specifically, there were multiple men in his bedroom, all alphas if Hiiragi’s nose wasn’t betraying him. Hiiragi counted three. Three men that had somehow snuck through the castle in the cover of night without being caught. And now they were here, in Hiiragi’s room, to try to do whatever it was they wanted to do to him. 

Three men. Hiiragi could maybe handle that. It depended on how trained and armed they were. But at the very least, he could put up one hell of a fight. 

Then Hiiragi registered what the man in front of him was holding. 

Or who, to be more accurate. 

He had Mafuyu wrapped up in his arms, gag in his mouth. He held a knife against his throat. 

The man laughed as he watched Hiiragi freeze, eyes on Mafuyu. There was a red mark on his cheekbone from a harsh blow, and blood leaked down from his nose. His eyes were wet and terrified. 

“Yes, I’d heard the prince had a little pet, so I figured we’d pay him a visit before coming to see you. Are you happy to see each other?”

Mafuyu made a horrible noise through his gag, and Hiiragi lurched forward towards him. 

“Nuh uh uh,” the man said. “I would stay right there. Unless you’d like this pretty little omega’s blood spilled all over your carpet. And wouldn’t that be a shame.” The man brought a finger up to stroke over Mafuyu’s bruised cheek. “He is so pretty. If we had more time, I’d love to have some fun with him.”

Mafuyu whimpered again, and rage crashed over Hiiragi. 

“What do you want?” he asked, voice shaking. 

“Easy. You.”

Hiiragi had been expecting it. What other reason did these men—presumably Yorumish men—have to be in his bedroom in the dead of night?

“So here are your options,” the man said. “You can come nice and quiet, and nobody gets hurt. Nobody touches your sweet little pet.” The man smiled, flashing his teeth. “Or you can make a fuss, and you watch while we fuck him and then carve him up.”

Hiiragi met Mafuyu’s eyes. They were wide and full of tears, but then he shook his head. It was barely perceptible, but Hiiragi saw it, and he knew what Mafuyu was saying. 

Don’t go with them. Don’t do it. You’re more important. 

But what Mafuyu didn’t understand was that Hiiragi loved him more than he loved himself. More than he loved anything. And he would die before he let Mafuyu end up like Yuki, dead beneath a Yorumish knife. Raped and killed and left on the floor like he was nothing. 

No, there was nothing Hiiragi wouldn’t do to avoid that reality. 

Hiiragi stood up straight. He took a deep breath. Then he said, “Fine. Take me.”

Mafuyu yelled through his gag, and the man tossed him to the ground roughly before taking a step towards Hiiragi. His lips drew up into a terrifying smile. 

“Excellent.”