Archive of Our Own ^beta

Blüdhaven, for once, is bathed in sunlight. The curtains barely able to contain the light streaming through. Blüdhaven is Gotham's sister city in all but blood and even then that's debatable. It gets at best two to three sunny days a year, or at least that's what Tim once said. She'd visited The Nest since Tim's case aligned with the drug bust she was about to handle. And there was no day where Cass hadn't fully believed it, everyday was either cloudy or raining constantly. As if the city was always in a perpetual state of mourning, always ready for the next ball to drop and everything to go to shit. But today, Blüdhaven has decided to allow the sun to peek through the clouds. 

Cass checks the bed beside her even if she knows Steph has already woken up. She'd felt the bed adjust and spring up at the sudden loss of weight. Though Cass had chosen to remain in bed, especially after a late night dealing with common criminals. The last time she'd woken up early with Steph, she dragged her all the way back. Though Cass really went along with her. Barbara has been negging her to take care of herself better and not to throw herself into work. Later when Steph relaid the story to Tim, he'd gawked at her as if she was insane. Those two always seemed to cherish sleep more than the others, a byproduct of choosing the life instead of being born with it. 

Cass pushes herself off the bed, making sure to make deliberate noise with every step.

"You don't need to make it that obvious Cass!" Steph calls out from the kitchen. Her blonde hair is slightly frizzy but her curls are still defined. She's wearing one of Cass' Wendy shirts that originated from Kon. Even if they only dated briefly before realizes they weren't really all that interested in each other, they remained friends. Kon had let her borrow it one time and told her to keep it even after she attempted to give it back. Actually he'd given her a lot of stuff from their brief time dating and after. Now Steph borrows the merch occasionally when she is too tired to put together an outfit.

Her mouth pulls into a smile. "You would have jumped."

She bristles before putting a Star Trek themed white mug to her lips. "I am not that easily startled."

"But you still can be."

Steph smiles, the muscles pulling and creasing to form dimples. "I guess so." She says, pulling the steaming cup to her mouth. "Want some?"

Cass shakes her head. "Assam?"

The blonde places her cup down and sifts through the cabinet above her, pulling out a metal tin and a black mug which she immediately sets down. The sound of metal dragging aginst metal rings through the apartment and a loud pop echoes once the lid is off. Steph pours out a small amount into the kettle which blooms into a amber color. 

"How are your bandages?"

Cass shrugs. "Fine. Doesn't hurt."

Steph look is warm, even compared to the onslaught of sunlight. "You're not...?"

Cass hesitates, it's always been hard for her to take a break from it all. She's promised Barbara that she'd lay off the vigilantism more often. Take breaks, enjoy life, make some time to learn how to read. Still her skin itches to go out tonight, even though she knows Blüdhaven is in capable hands, it's hard to let go of the suit for a day. As long as she's out on the streets, leeping across those rooftops, she can save so many people. Stuck here in her apartment she can't do anything but sit inside until the night passes into day. 

Steph pours out the steeped tea into a Wendy mug. Cass takes the cup and sips it slowly. The nerves on her tongue are practically nonexistant, as is the rest of her body, so the heat isn't unbearable as it for others. Still, her stomach churns and the tea doesn't quite settle. 

"I don't know."

Steph hums. "I almost miss going out every night."

"You still could."

Steph frowns and shakes her head. "Too busy with exams right now. I have to memorize all these medical terms and body parts."

"Sounds... boring."

"It really is." She sighs. "You'd probably know more about it than I do."

"Probably."

"Still... will you consider it? I know out of all of us, you're the least likely to ever take a break. But if I get home early from class, will you stay the night?"

Cass hums. "Before ten."

Steph nods and pecks the corner of her lips. "I'll see you later."

"Have fun."

"How fun can 8 A.M. Bio be?" She says with a scoff.

Cass smiles. "I'll see you later."

"Love you."

"You too."

Cass almost wishes she wasn't on bed rest right now. She almost went out if not for the bandages wrapped around her arms. any other day she'd wear a long sleeved shirt and call it a day but Blüdhaven is hotter than usual. Even though heat isn't a problem, she'd still get looks of confusion from passerbys, and she wanted as little eyes on her as possible. Instead she hunches over the Alphabet book Barbara had given to her. It still made no sense to her, how these symbols could translate to speech. Especially when in some cases the letters can have multiple different sounds. Which make no sense, why create a language where the sounds don't apply to the symbols? What even is the point of using these letters in the first place?

Still she marched on, even if the letters seem more nonsensical than normal.

Early morning day passed into late afternoon, she'd made her own breakfast and then lunch in the meantime. Now just as the clock as approaching 8 P.M. she prepped dinner. Cass didn't have a good feel for what food tasted good or bad but she'd watched Steph cook often enough to make something. Rummaging through the cabinets, she found a jar of tomato sauce and popped the lid open. She pulls out two of their clean pots she pours water in one and the sauce in the other. Leaving them both on the heat, Cass scans through their fridge, pulling out the bag of shredded cheese Steph and her bought on their latest grocery run. 

Just as she closes the fridge door, the door clicks open. Steph huffing, her face red and eyes wide, still greets her with a bright smile. "Hey. I'm home."

Even out of the suit, Steph has chased certain thrills. She once said that what kept her from coming back to the crime fighting business over and over again was the rush. At first it was about getting back at her father, then it was beating up the bad guys. Being on the front lines, even if she wasn't the best fighter, brought an adrenaline that was near addictive. But there were other parts of the job that kept her going even after the high of the fight was over.

"Hey. Do you know where the pasta is?"

She nods and walks to her side, opening a cabinet a feet to her right. They work in sync after that, Cass putting the noodles in the boiling water as Steph adds spices to her heart's content. In ten minutes they manage to finish cooking and plate up their food. Their dinner table is small, enough for Cass to reach over to Steph with barely a stretch. Dinner is quiet apart from Steph's recollection of her day. Her group project for Bio was slow, most of them barely checked emails and she had to hunt them down in person to get any update on their share of work. Overall not an awful day but frustrating nonetheless. The conversation drifted off eventually to the one they had in the morning once they washed and put tehir dishes away.

Steph leans against the kitchen counter, letting her exhausted body rest against hardwood. "Are you going out tonight?"

Cass turns to the solitary window in their kitchen, right behind their sink. It's pitch black outside other than the remaining working lights keeping the city lit enough for silhouettes to show. Dick and Tim would be out patrolling, they'd started doing that more ever since Dick started being active again. Cass knew from the way he slightly rocked from his feet and the blank look in his eyes that whatever kept him away was some form a guilt. From what? That was something no amount of reading could give her. 

A sigh. "Not sure?"

Cass nods.

"I know that you want to go out tonight. Hell, I'm nearly ready to join you, civillian life is boring compared to our nights. And I won't stop you, it's you're choice. I know I've had enough people telling me to not go out there and I still fought crime anyways." Steph says with a breathy laugh. "Just be careful okay? I know that's redundant when it comes to you but still..."

And she could, Cass could grab the suit from under their bed, wear the bat and head out into the night. But a part of her is screaming at her to stay in this moment for a bit longer. Listen to Barbara for once and enjoy a day off. Even if it can't help the gnawing weight building up inside her.

"No, I'm staying tonight." 

Steph blinks, once, twice, and three times before her brain processes Cass' words. It probably is shocking, Cass has never taken a break from vigilantism unless she was dead. anything voluntary was new ground for her. Barbara would probably smile and approve if she knew the choice Cass was making.

"Okay." Steph says, breathlessly. "Want to go to bed?"

"Yeah. I'd like that."

In bed they sit cross legged, face to face. "I want to do something for you." Steph says, earnest through every muscle of her body.

"Okay."

Steph outstretches her hands, slow and deliberate, despite knowing that Cass already knew what she was doing. Her hands are calloused, deep grooves and edges from cuts. Bruised a purple-ish pink at the knuckles. Cass's grip is light, only her hyperawareness allows her to feel every crevice slide into one another. Steph's hand is warm at the palms but cool against the fingers that wrap around the smoother skin. There's a rythmic drumming beneath the skin of her wrist, steady, loud only to Cass's touch. There is blood pumping through her veins, making her knuckles pink and keeping her hand warm. The very thing keeping her alive. 

Remaing silent, only allowing her breath to make any noise. Her head dips slightly forward, back slouching slightly, and the muscles in her arms unflex. She's indulging Cass, attempting to relax every part of herself, leaning on her for support. Trying to speak a language she isn't quite fluent in. Except she doesn't really have to try, Cass could read her even if Steph refused to move an inch.

She's always been open, so desperate to prove herself, to be great, to be accepted. There's a thrumming beneath her skin, a constant readiness to go on another adventure, to head straight for another fight. Even if it's a losing battle, sometimes especially when the odds are stacked against her. It is no surprise that Steph would try so hard to speak Cass's native tongue. Stephanie Brown is an unrelenting force of nature, and only death could stop her from trying. 

Cass responds, dipping her head forward, her mouth pressed against Steph's. Lip gloss coats her skin as she takes in the taste of citrus. Warmth spreads from the point of contact to their interconnected hands and the tips of her toes. Steph's mouth opens pulling her own with it, just like how she dragged her along for a dance in their kitchen. But now they are in their bed, legs entangles in sheets instead of music. 

The grip on her wrist tightens, the thump of every heartbeat a wardrum to her heart. 

Steph is not fluent but pulls her closer anyways. Their left hands seperating only for a breath before she clutches Cass's wrist. Moving it towards her collarbone, pressing Cass's fingers to the pumping vein. Cass rolls her body to rest on top of her. Her hip resting against Steph's, torso leaning to allow her hands to continue to hold on. Steph's breath is shallow, her heart beat is however slow, slower than a living person's should be. But Steph is warm under her, smiling ear to ear with an expression that she's only ever seen her give to-

It is only here that Cass realizes that this is a dream. This beautiful day a cheap mirage of what could have been. Or at least what Cass would have wanted. It's the worst part of becoming more than a weapon, her mind doesn't allow her to have blank dreams. Cassandra Cain knows how every muscle in her body functions, how far she can push herself until bones shatter, and what force she needs to use in a fight. Cass also is acutely aware of her affection for Stephanie Brown, how her heart picks up pace near her than any combatant, how her cheeks become warm and the way all her dreams seem to create one person.

Cassandra Cain is fully aware of her love for Stephanie Brown. She is also aware that Stephanie Brown has been dead for a year. That Bludhaven got blown up a mere eight months ago. How Dick was not patrolling in Blüdhaven or Gotham or even New York but had been traveling around the world with Bruce and Tim. 100,068 cilivians died from Chemo's inital impact, many more will die by it's side effects. Kon too was gone, killed by Superboy Prime. His merch was destroyed in the blast. They were gone, some dead, some not, but her mind still conjured up their nostalgia all the same.  

She should have known the moment she woke up. Blüdhaven was never sunny, even when it wasn't a crater.

"Cass...?"

Dream Steph was etheral in the ways only a figment of the imagination could be, but even in reality Steph was always so beautiful. 

The edges of the dream slowly turned to void, as if paper against fire. Each realization, each truth picking away at the flawed dream. 

Cass leans in, voice barely a whisper. "I love you."

Finally, she wakes up.