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Chapter Text

You should be happy, a kid’s will to live being so strong that he would cling to life even after an explosion of that magnitude going off in his neck and being somehow able to escape that hellhole with all the odds against them should make you feel some type of way, that there’s still hope for the people stuck in that place, that when they’re able to free them, they’ll be able to heal and join the others in hope for a better future.

But you can’t see that, there’s no hope when you see him, the only thing you can see is a small, traumatized, burnt child fighting through his life in a bed of a place he doesn’t know, with people he just meet, even if the other revolutionaries have tried to reassure this poor kid, he can see it from afar, without even meeting him, he can see in his eyes, he does not trust them.

And how could he? For what he has heard, the last thing he ever saw before passing out was the body of the marines that tried to end his life fall limp into the floor, he doesn’t blame the revolutionaries that rescued him for doing that, it was probably the only choice they had, but he knows a child his age would not trust killers, even if they just saved him by doing so.

That’s not even counting the time he was stuck in Mary Geoise, he knows the stories, even when the adults try to shield the youngest recruits from hearing them, not because they think they’re too young to understand, most of the people in the army are there because they experienced the horrors that is the iron fist of the World Government, but because there’s this societal expectation to protect the youngest, even if the youngest are as aware of the injustices of the world as them.

He does not feel any type of hope when he sees him from afar, he only see’s pain and suffer on his tiny fragile body, but everyone around you feel’s the same, especially after seeing this poor kid climb out of a week-long coma just to try to reunite with his friends just to find out they were already dead.

Though, a part of him thinks he already knew when he woke up, after seeing this malnourished child attack anyone that came nearby, Dragon was able to calm him down enough to let him know where his friend were, he was direct with him, he told him the truth, other revolutionaries where worried by the way the boy could react to the sudden news but he calmed down and just asked them to see them.

For what he heard, he did not shed a tear when he was holding onto the dead bodies of the two runaways that had escaped with him, those poor unlucky souls had been killed just before the revolutionaries could arrive, and he called them his friends, but barely had a reaction after seeing his corpses with his own eyes. Maybe he already knew when he woke up; maybe he just wanted to confirm it by himself but was blinded by pain.

His name is Luffy, he was seven years old when they took him from his homeland but is now around eleven years of age, he is not so sure and to be honest, he does not match that description, and does not blame him a bit; slavery does that to a growing body.

A native from the East Blue as himself with a devil fruit, something about rubber, which is how he could have survived the explosion from his collar in the first place, he is still on recovery but if he is being honest with himself, he still looks like he is a step away from death as the day they found him.

The long messy black hair that covers most of his face match the general pessimist atmosphere he is surrounded by, he heard that they tried to cut it as it was so tangled that it was going to be almost impossible to comb through it, but the kid keep refusing, so they did what they could.

And now he is on his way to deliver some soup for him, someone should be accompanying him to check on him but the place has been understaffed after a recent incident on an allied country and them needing help from the revolutionary army. Not like he can go, as being 14 makes him ‘’not adapt for the time of situations the army needs him for’’ which is bullshit, he is pretty strong and is not like his body has not received the  blunt of trauma of explosives, but his argument does not sway the higher ups, so he continues to be helpful on other ways, like serving this soup and crackers to some poor kid, which honestly should be more considering he still looks like a living skeleton, but something about his body still needing to adapt before increasing the intake to heavier foods, you don’t really understand, but he is not a doctor, and the kid is not complaining for what you know.

Which worries him, because for what you know, he is not complaining about anything, at all, not about the pain of his burnt skin healing, or about where he is, nor about the fact he has been eating just soup since he arrived three weeks ago and being around basically a bunch of strangers, is like he does not care, like he has lost any will to live but just decided to keep living because it was easier somehow.

Its hurts to see, it makes his stomach churn seeing him give up on life after everything he has gone through just to escape that hellhole. But at the same time, he doesn’t know this kid, does not how to console him or if he has anyone left to go back to, he has been in the army for 4 years now, this is not an unusual sight, especially with runaway slaves, you would think all this time would have given him some wisdom on how to treat this type of situation. But it hasn’t, is almost as it gets harder to deal at times, but that doesn’t really matter at the moment, he needs to deliver this food to him.

''I’m coming in, I hope that’s okay'' He mentions after knocking on the door a few times, the kid does not respond, so he likes to think he is fine with him entering, or at least he hopes so

''I brought you some more soup, I know you’re probably done with the soups, but the good news is that the doctor decided your body can take more veggies and meat from now on. So is more of a stew? Well, not really, but at least is more than just broth ''

The kid does not answer. Just as last time he saw him, almost all of his body was covered on some types of bandages, with a big black eye covering the left side of his face, along some cuts around his lip, nose and cheeks, as well as the eye bags that cover his none damaged eye.

This kid has not sleep well since he arrived at the base.

''Ah, well, I will help you to sit up straight so you can eat, if that’s fine by you? ''

He was not really expecting an answer, everyone else had told him that the kid has been mostly unresponsive and would not eat if they did not spoon fed him the past couple of days, some say because of general weakness, others because he has given up, but before he could think what option would be less awful, the kid respond

''…okay''

''Oh… I mean, alright! Let me just make this more comfortable'' He starts moving some pillows around so they can be used for support for his back, and slowly adjust Luffy’s position so he can be sit upright.

He hears a low whimper and worries ''Are you alright? Did I hurt you? ''

''No, it just…it just hurts when I move, it’s not your fault '' He responds

That makes sense; he almost forgets that this kid has a whole burn wound around his neck by the way he was knocking adults around when he woke up, still, he knows what it must feel like, it sucks

''… Still, I should had been more careful, I’m sorry'' He continues to put everything in order and places the small portable table with the food so he can finally start eating.

But he just stares at the food, and keeps staring at it, for a long time, without eating or making any plan to move. Is he…expecting him to spoon feed him? Sabo doesn’t really know, feels like it would be very awkward to do it, but maybe he is still in pain to move a lot, before he could think of what to say to him, the kids says

''Do I have to eat? ''

The obvious answer is yes, but is obviously more complicated than that, he does not want to force this kid to eat if he doesn’t really want to

''I mean, no if you don’t really want to, but why don’t you want to eat? Are you not hungry? Does it hurt when you move? Or do you prefer for the chef to do something else? Maybe I can tell them to bring you something different'' He tries to reason with him but they sheepishly respond

''Is not that, the food looks…yummy, it’s just that I don’t feel like eating, at all.''

He is unsure what to do, maybe he can convince him? Tell him that eating will make him get better, but he has a feeling it won’t work on him, he probably should speak to a superior, but the ones who have been taking care of him beforehand have spoon feed him for a reason and everyone is already busy with enough stuff, maybe he should just spoon feed him, but feels really shitty with that idea.

He does not want to force him to do anything that he does not want to do but also will die if he does not eat, what a shitty situation, maybe he should ask Koala for advice.

The kid, almost as reading his own thoughts, asks

''…Are you going to make me eat? '' Staring at him with big blank eyes, expectantly, so he responds honestly

''I don’t want to force you to eat, if you don’t want to…but you will not get better if you don’t eat – The reaction is the one that he expected, the kid is not moved by this, is almost like he disappointed by his answer, but he has to try, for him

''Look, I know this probably means nothing coming from a stranger, but life has so much to offer beside the pain they showed you and I know it hurts to just, being alive'' He pauses, offering him his hands to offer some type of comfort, but the kid pulls away, so he continues

''I don’t know your circumstances, maybe you have a family back home that are waiting for you or maybe you don’t have anyone anymore, but the Revolutionaries will welcome with open arms if you decide to stay or help you get your way back home or even to find a new home if that’s what you want ''

But he is still meet with more silence, he really doubts he will make any difference, at least not today, so he decides to leave it for today, he is probably not the first person who has given him this talk

''Sorry, I’m probably overwhelming you; I just hope you understand what I am trying to say, because, to be honest, I really want to see what type of person you become in the future.''

He should had probably not said that last part, but it kind of escaped his mouth, and the kid just stares at him, eyes wide, and is probably the first time he has raised his head to even look at him

''…Sabo?'' 

His voice sounds broken and it throws him out a bit, did he told him his name beforehand?

''Yeah?'' He says a little confused, he does not remember telling his name, maybe another revolutionary did or maybe he just forgot, it wouldn’t be the first time, but the kid just repeats himself

''Sabo??''

''That’s me…'' Says incredulous and confused of where this is going but before he can respond, he hears this kid’s voice breaking as he tries to speak and tears build up on his eyes

''Sa-Sabo! It’s you!''  The kid launches forward onto his arms, he could hear sobs in between his breathing as he squeezes him into the hug

''I thought you had died''

The kid says, almost in a whisper, hugging him even tighter as he says this, he tries returning the hug awkwardly as confusion washes over him, he does not know this kid, should he know him?

His name doesn’t ring any bells or being in his presence at all, he tries to pat his back to console him as this little stranger bawls his eyes out on his arms. He wonders how he is going to break the news to him, considering this is the most emotion he has seen out of this kid these past weeks, he does not want to be the one who tells him the truth, maybe he does know him?

But before he can come up with a decent excuse, the kid starts to calm himself down a little, looking up from his chest, happily as he says

''Sabo I’m so…''

Before noticing his reaction, leaving him speechless, Sabo finds it unsettling as they just stare silently into each other’s eyes, without saying anything, he realizes the truth and says on a creepily calm voice

''You don’t know who I am.''

He cannot lie to him, something tells him it won’t even work

''No, I’m sorry'' He starts to pull away from himself, eyeing him up and down, not saying anything but he can tell he is wondering if he got mistaken

''Why? '' His voice starts to break again

''I know I look-look different but it’s you! It’s me! It’s me, Luffy!''

He is starting to breakdown in front of him and Sabo does not know what to do, he was never good dealing with this type of stuff and is trying to calm him down but it does not work

''I will eat if you want me too, I will cut my hair if you want, I will act happier, I will do anything… but please, it’s me…'' Words come out rapidly out of his tiny body without catching a break and he does not know what to do

''Why are you looking like you don’t know me? Were brothers!''  He says before starting to wail his eyes out.

Brothers? He does not have brothers, not for what he knows, what does he mean by brothers? But this ki- Luffy is from East Blue, could he be? Could they be? They don’t look remotely similar, but he was taken around four years ago, that’s when he got shot by the celestial dragon, was he taken at the same time as the Celestial Dragon shot him? Was he at fault for him being stuck in that place?

His minds feel clouded, he knows he should try to comfort him but his body is not responding

''Is it because I was a slave? Is that why you don’t see me as your little brother anymore? ''

Sabo does not think that, it sickens him that he even thinks that could be the reason but he cannot say anything, the word brother is on repeat on his mind, paralyzing him, his brain acting like a broken record trying to function for the first time after many years.

He doesn’t even realize when others revolutionaries enter the room and try to get a word out of him, almost demanding an explanation out of him as Luffy starts punching himself over, and over and over again, but he cannot think anything else besides brothers, those words are stuck on his head, he should do something, but he is useless as the kid just keeps hurting himself even more.

Small remembrances of past events start showing up between the cracks of his memories, starting to remembers small things, like laughter’s, and sake and the light of the sun shining in between the leaves, and he tries his hardest to puzzle it together. A big dumb laugh of this ki- Luffy with his silly straw-hat? The grumpy face of a freckled kid, Ace? He remembers that name, he does not know of where, should he know of where does it come from? He looks at the crying chil- No, he looks at the crying ki-

He looks at Luffy and sees he is crying so hard and so loud he can barely breathe, the doctors are trying to calm him down and to stop him from hurting himself, Koala is trying to get him out of the room, when did she get here?

When did he let himself pull away so far from him? He does not know and it does not matter, why should he leave, he is his big brother and-

He is his big brother and

His little brother is crying

His little brother is wounded, and he looks so tired and oh, so so thin, he has big eye bags, at least for what he can see over the fucking black eye he has in his face, why does he have those? He should not have those, he should be happy and excited for food, for life! But instead he does not have any will to live and is asking him if he is going to force him to eat.

He wants to puke, he wants to stop him from punching himself but his own body is betraying him, like always, his body trembles as his thoughts are overwhelmed by the need to comfort Luffy, he tries to get closer to him, but is pulled away by someone and the last thing he sees before passing out into the cold floor is Luffy is bawling his heart out and looking at him with the most broken eyes, almost like he already expected life to be this cruel to him all over again.

After waking up, the first thing he notices is a huge migraine invading his senses; on top of that, he is currently sleeping at one of the beds of the medical bay instead of being at his brother’s side. ‘’What the fuck, why is he here? Where is Luffy?’’ is the first thing he thinks before almost jumping out of bed to run to look for him, but is immediately stopped by Hack, of who he just noticed his presence in the room aside of Koala’s

''Hold on, Sabo! You were passed out for three days with a huge fever, take it easy on yourself!''

 ‘’Three days?!’’ Is all he process, right now he couldn’t care less about some stupid fever; he needs to be there for his brother!

''Where is he? Is Luffy okay? I need to see him!'' He responds shakily, but Hack interrupts him

''Why do you need to see him so suddenly? Right now, he is still resting on his bedroom and does not need any disturbances after what happened…'' Hack stops and with a more sternly voice, asks

''Sabo…Did you do something? That kid has been inconsolable since then and before we tried to ask you what happened, you passed out of nowhere! ''

There’s some anger in his voice, but it’s mostly disappointment but at this moment, he could not care any less, all he needs is to see him, to be on his brother’s side.

Because of his faults, Luffy has been inconsolable, because of him, he hurt himself.

 ''He is my little brother, please let me go see him! '' Almost in tears, Hack is shocked but before he can even respond, Sabo continues

''I didn’t recognize him at first and that really scared him, but I remember everything now! I have to see him and let him know I’m here!''

Koala tries to stop him, she says something but he ignores it and shoves her out of the way as he bolts out of the room to find him.  

Making his way into the corridor, he starts shoving people to the side without any disregard for the consequences later; it feels like he has been running for an eternity just to get to him. But just when he was about to enter, someone stops him at the door, for a second he tries to move him out of the way, but he couldn’t, as the person stopping him was his own mentor, Dragon.

''Where are you going with such hurry, boy?''  Dragon states calmly but firm

''There are people sleeping in this room. They do not need the sudden stress in what should be a peaceful rest…especially after these past few days.''

‘’Oh, he is mad’’ Is all he could think.

There was that same anger in Hack’s voice as well, about how he might have done something to trigger Luffy’s breakdown, and while he did not do it on purpose, it did cause this mess on the first place.

But Dragon’s anger feels different, more personal, it’s written all over his face, but he senses the anger is not directly at him but it still terrifies him a little, the way he is staring, almost disappointed, but it does not stop him, not when he has to see him.

''Dragon, sir, I’m sorry! I know you’re probably mad at me for what I caused, and I understand why you don’t want me to see Luffy, but he is my little brother! ''

The confusion is written all over Dragon’s face

''I know we look different, we are not blood related but we made a vow 4 years ago and I will stick by it, I’m his older brother, I need to comfort him! – His shakes as he pleads – Please let me pass, I need to see him, I have to apologize for not recognizing him. I need to let him know I am here!''

As they stare into each other’s eyes, expecting a scolding for his attitude, but it never comes, Dragon’s gaze becomes soft and he takes a few moments before saying

''I’m not mad at you and I apologize for making you think that'' Dragon’s put his hand on his shoulder, letting him know he can relax before continuing ''I’m disappointed of what happened, that we left you unsupervised in such a situation, you are a child, you did not know what to do and both of you ended up hurt because of it'' Dragon looks almost ashamed for what happened, and he wonders if it’s because of Luffy, he knows the leader has a soft spot for the youngest members of the organization

''But I’m glad to know Luffy has family to rely on a time like this'' As he says this, Dragons steps aside so he is in front of the door

''If you need me to be there, let me know, but if you prefer some privacy, I will understand, I will stand outside in case things don’t go well ''

As Dragon says this, he ponders at the realization of that, Luffy had a meltdown after he did not recognize him, but will he react positively if he does? There was only one way to find out and suddenly all his eagerness went down at the prospect of his brothers hating him for not recognizing him.

But that couldn’t stop him, especially on a time like this; he will be there for him no matter what.

Slowly opening the door, he enters an almost pitch black room, only the dim light that managed to pass through the closed curtains of the window barely illuminated the room, but even then, he could clearly see Luffy cornered on the far end of his bed, head down in between his legs, his scarily thin arms full of bandages and bruises covering the top of his head, trembling, terrified. It makes him want to die that he ever ended up like that. 

''Luffy?''

He stares with worry, wondering if just stepping into the room will cause him to break into a million pieces, but Luffy just jolts a little, slowly lifting up his head up, but there’s no reaction from him, just tiredness and disappointment that cuts through his soul

''Luffy, it’s me. I’m sorry about...'' But the words that comes out of Luffy stops him completely

''Go away! You’re not Sabo, Sabo is dead''

Dead, Luffy thinks he is dead.

Did he saw everything? Is that how he got captured? Did he saw him drown and in his naivety tried to pull him out if the water and that’s how he ended up in that horrible place?

''Luffy… Did you saw when it happened…when I got shot? ''

He tries to reach for his hand but he pulls away before he can even touch it, he is terrified of his presence, he is a ghost to him, taunting him all over again, Luffy probably thinks he is going insane because of how he reacted at first

''I’m sorry…it’s was scary, wasn’t it? I don’t blame you for thinking I was dead; everyone in Goa probably thinks the same…''

A part of him was happy knowing that his parents think he is dead, and he no longer has to worry about that part of his life coming back to haunt him, but he wonders if they grieved his death, even for a little bit, or if they were simply too ashamed of him being killed by one of the Celestial Dragons to even grieve the death of their 10 year old.

The latter is more plausible.

But the other part of him feels guilty for that thought ever crossing his mind, his own brother thought he was dead for years because his stupid brain could only remember the hatred he had for his blood family, instead of the love he had for his own brothers, and look what it caused, his baby brother had to go through hell and is now scared of him, maybe if he had remembered sooner, Luffy wouldn’t have gotten taken to that god-awful place

''I was close to dying too, you know? You probably noticed it too; it left a pretty nasty scar didn’t it? '' He said, trying to make the atmosphere less tense, but it didn’t really worked; Luffy still stared at him with the same frightful eyes of before and continue hugging his own little legs, trembling, barely moving.

''I survived thanks to the revolutionaries, but…. I forgot everything'' 

He noticed Luffy expression shifted a little, staring directly into his eyes as he was trying to puzzle together what he said, so he continued

''I did not know who I was when I woke up, I only knew I didn’t want to go back and the name I had embroidered in my belongings. I wasn’t even sure that was my name…''

He stops, feeling like he is just making convoluted excuses for not recognizing him earlier, the shame overwhelms him and he covers his face as tears build up on his eyes

 ''I’m sorry, I don’t know what I am saying anymore, I just…''

He can’t even face him as he continues

''I’m so sorry Luffy. I’m so sorry I didn’t realize it was you, I should had realized sooner, I know I’m asking for too much but if you could forgive and let me be your brother agai-''

He is almost thrown out of bed by Luffy as he jumps onto him and latches onto him with all of his strength, hugging him with all of his body, he can barely hear him with his face buried into his chest when he tells him

''You’re real? You’re really real?  You’re not fake or part of my imagination? You’re really Sabo? '' Luffy asks, shaking, hugging him so tightly as if he is going to disappear if he ever lets him go

''I am, I am Sabo, the three shared a cup of sake, didn’t we? ''

Returning the hug, with less strength than Luffy to avoid hurting him, resting his head on Luffy’s hair and starting to rub his back to comfort him as he hears shocked up sobs coming from his little body

''Oh, Luffy… I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Lu, you must have been so scared, it must have been so scary, I should have recognized you sooner, I’m sorry…''

They stay like that for what must been an eternity, between shocked up sobs coming up from the both of them, soft words of comforts and reassurances as Luffy tries not to cry. He kisses his forehead with all the gentleness he can muster and holds him closer as he tells him that is okay to cry, he needs to let him know it was okay to cry.

''Sabooo'' Luffy musters in between sobs

''I don’t know if Ace is alive ''

The shock of hearing this make his blood run cold, confusion invades him as the idea of Ace being captured as a slave as well had not crossed his mind

''Wh-What do you mean? Did- Was Ace captured as well?'' Luffy denies it

''N-Noo Ace and Dadan were in the fire of the terminal'' Sobs breaking his voice

''I tried, I really tried to look for them! Even after the bandits told me not to but I couldn’t- I couldn’t find them and -''

Luffy’s voice becomes more erratic and shaky, trying really hard to keep himself together

''I tried to look for you''

 Oh no, no no, god no

''Even after Ace told me not to but I knew you would want to help but…'' Luffy stays still, not saying anything for a long while before continuing

''I don’t know if Ace and Dadan are okay…''

Luffy break as he tells him the truth, struggling to breath as he tries to stops the cries, so he hugs him even tighter as he tries to calm him down, he tells him what he can to make things better

''We will look for him after you get healthier, okay?? We will go to the mountains and ask the bandits what happened! Besides, Ace has always been so stubborn, he is probably back there and is just…waiting for us. Yeah, he is probably going to be so mad that we took so long to get back, you know? '' He says, hoping that it will be the truth, it calmed Luffy down enough for him to breath normally again, but he knows, deep down, that he has to be honest about the other…possibility

''Luffy even on the possibility that Ace is…dead, I will always be there for you, no matter what! You understand? '' Luffy nods softly, he does not think he understands  

''It’s not your fault what happened that night and it will never be your fault, okay? ' He kisses his forehead as tears run down out of both their eyes

'

'I’m your brother and I love you, and Aces loves you, and we always will, no matter what…''

They stay together on bed as they continue to hug, rubbing Luffy’s back as he cries himself to sleep on his arms, he feels exhausted as well but deep down the reality of it all hits him to his core, Ace could be dead and he would had never know, Luffy could had died in that godforsaken place, hungry, hurt, scared, alone and he would not have known.

At any given moment of the operation he could had died on that table and he would be none the wiser. It sickens him. It makes his stomach churn with disgust, on the government, on the world, on himself.  His baby brother went through hell because he selfishly went out to the sea instead of waiting like they had promised. But he will not say anything.

He will not burden him with his own selfish guilt. He can only hope that Ace is alive and prepare himself to be the older brother Luffy needs.

As he slowly falls asleep, he prays to gods he does not believe in, for his brother’s safety.

Chapter Text

A sudden knock on the door disturbs their sleep; a couple of hours must have passed already, as he was barely able to see anything in front of him when he opened his eyes. He also quickly notices that Luffy had woken up as well at the sound coming from the door, as he could sense his brother tensing up and hugging him tighter.

‘’ Come in ’’  muttering, yawning as he turns the lights on the lamp by the bedside, keeping Luffy close to him and rubbing his back to try to calm him down a bit, wondering why he is suddenly tense by other people. The person slowly opens the door, and he sees that is Koala and Hack, sheepishly entering the room with a tray of food.

‘’ We thought you two may be hungry, so we brought you some food, I hope that’s okay ‘’ Koala says quietly before entering, Hack coming right behind her before turning on the lights of the room and slowly closing the door, he is glad they are here and appreciates the effort they both are putting to not scare his little brother.

‘’ Thank you…Koala, Hack, I would like you to introduce you to Luffy, he is my little brother ’’ but Luffy was still hiding his face on his chest, shy in their presence, not pulling away from him to even look at them. Which is something he didn’t really expect coming from him considering his last interaction before he passed out, but maybe he just felt more cooperative that day.

‘’ It's okay, Lu, they’re very good friends of mine, Hack is a teacher with the revolutionaries and me and Koala are apprentices ’’ he comments while patting his brothers back to calm down his nerves, it seemed to work at least a little, as he ended up relaxing a bit and even turned his head around to look at them. Though he quickly goes back to hiding in between Sabo’s arms after having seen them. 

‘’ It’s a pleasure to see you again, Luffy ’’ Koala calmly responds as she sets up the food in front of them, though Luffy doesn’t say anything back, just grabbing a plate and hiding behind Sabo as he starts chowing down the food. 

Though he is having mixed feelings about Luffy’s recently acquired wariness and fearfulness towards strangers, he is thankful his appetite has come back so he at least starts eating on his own. He notices Koala and Hack also seem very happy and relieved that Luffy is eating but does not comment on it, they probably have been worried about his brother's condition as well. 

‘’ We also brought you your clothes, we imagined you would be more comfortable if you had them '’ Hack mentions as he places his hand on your shoulder, he can also sense Koala giving him small glances,  the look of worry on both of their eyes are hard to ignore. He needs to not overthink too much at the moment and just be glad that Luffy’s alright. 

‘’ Thanks, I didn’t even realize I still had this gown on, though I’ll change later ’’ barely giving any mind of what he is currently wearing. 

‘’ The staff aren’t particularly happy that you left the room without a proper checkup, y’know? We had to take a scolding because you left ’’ Koala says, sounding slightly annoyed though less than usual, surprisingly, he cannot blame her but does not want to talk about it at the moment.

‘’ I’m fine ’’ he ends up dismissing her.

‘’ You were passed out for three days, that’s not what I would call fine ’’ Hack slightly scolds him, in a tone that lets him know they're not done talking about it even if he wants to, but before he could even respond, Luffy is suddenly is grabbing his face and putting it very close to himself, leaving aside the plate of food to stare directly at him with his big, full of worry eyes.

‘’ Sabo is sick? ’’ he comments in a clearly worried tone. His little fingers digging on Sabo’s skin as he tries to decipher what is wrong with him. 

‘’ What? No, no, I'm fine Lu. I just had a little bit of a fever, that’s all, it’s gone now, see? ’’ as he takes his brother's hand from his face and puts it in his forehead to calm down his worries.  

‘’ But you were passed out? ’’ Luffy responds, still uneasiness on his voice

‘’ My brain probably couldn’t take 10 years of memories all at once but I’m fine now, I promise ’’ grabbing Luffy’s hands and holding them close together, to let him know he is telling him the truth

‘’ Okay…if Sabo says so ’’ Luffy responds but by the way he is looking at him, he is still worried, which is fucked up, Sabo should be the one who is worried considering his little brother current state, not him. Sabo ends up glaring at Hack for causing Luffy unnecessary stress, causing the fish-man to look apologetic, at least he won’t have to worry about any scolding for a while.  

Luffy quickly went back to finish what was left on his plate, but just by the way he was giving small glances to the other food, Sabo could tell he was still hungry, and how couldn’t he? That amount of food is not even remotely enough for his stomach, it’s no wonder he looked almost the same even after two weeks of being awake, and he probably didn't mention anything due to his lack of appetite or will to live . 

‘’ Do you want some more? You can have my plate if you want ’’ Luffy looked almost happy for a second, before looking uneasy at taking it, is he…. worried that he won’t have something to eat?  But Koala chimes in just as he was about to deny taking the food. 

‘’ Don’t worry, I can get Sabo some more later ’’ She calmly states as she hands over the plate to him, and though a little apprehensive at first, Luffy takes it out of her hands and starts devouring it.   

‘’ No wonder you’re not getting better, you needed more than just one measly plate of food, right Luffy? ’’ He said while messing with Luffy’s hair, the kid didn't respond as he was too preoccupied with the food, but Sabo didn’t mind, just glad to see that his brother’s spirits had gotten up at least a little to actually want to eat instead of just doing so because he was told to.

A sudden knock on the door interrupts the calm atmosphere as a voice shouts ‘’ coming! ’’ before opening the door suddenly. It was Kimi, one of the doctors in charge of taking care of the young members of the revolutionary army, while being accompanied by Karima, a nurse he is very familiar with due to his trips to the infirmary after some accidents he had at training, who is bringing a cart with multiple medical supplies, from bottles of medicine, to syringes and bandages. 

‘’ Sorry for interrupting! I see you have eaten today, that's great! ’’ She mentions cheerfully to Luffy, who instantly looks nervously at her and then at him, afraid? Is he afraid of her? Why would he be? Maybe he is uncomfortable about the procedures he has to go through for his wounds to heal, the burn on his neck probably causes him a lot of pain already, so the medical staff helping with the change of bandages is probably making him uneasy. 

‘’ I wish I had come by earlier, but Dragon told me not to bother ya, by the way Sabo, congrats on getting ur memories back! ’’ As she tosses him a lollipop from her pockets, to celebrate, he supposes, he feels very overwhelmed at the moment by her cheerful attitude after the whiplash the day has been for him.

‘’ Now get back to the bay so Karima can check ya out, ok?? ’’ as Kimi nonchalantly points to the door where the silver haired nurse is waiting for, hold on, what? Is she kicking him out?

‘’ That also goes for you two babes ’’ pointing at Hack and Koala ‘’ I have to change his bandages and need some privacy, so up you go ’’ As she shooshed them away. She is just fucking kicking them out of the room like nothing.

He already feels his blood boiling by the audacity of the staff by just barging in and wanting him out of the room when he just reunited with Luffy a few hours ago, and he can tell by the way Koala and Hack are staring at him that they’re mentally asking him to just do what she asked and leave calmly so they can do their job.

‘’ Sorry, what? I’m staying ’’ but he decides to ignore their pleas, as usual. 

‘’ No, you’re not ’’ Karima sternly responds without even looking at him, preoccupied with checking the chart on her hands. 

‘’ It will be just for a little Bo! While we check that everything is in order with Luffy, and that way Karima can verify everything its good on that head of yours ’’ Kimi tries to calm him down ‘’ Then you can come back after we’re done ’’ 

‘’ Can’t you just check me here? I feel fine anyway ’’ he protests, he does not want to leave his brother's side, and besides Luffy is afraid of strangers and now they just barge in and tell him to go outside while his brother is terrified. 

‘’ Your brother will appreciate the privacy ’’ as Karima points to Luffy, who looks incredibly uncomfortable with…his presence? What? As his brother tries to avoid Sabo’s eyes. 

‘’ It’s okay Sabo…I need to get these changed ’’  Luffy tells him, as he looks down to the bandages covering a big part of his neck and body. 

But he is yet again avoiding Sabo’s gaze while telling him this, he wasn’t expecting him to agree so suddenly and was confused for the sudden change of attitude, just a moment ago Luffy was holding onto him like he was going to disappear if he let go, but now his brother whole demeanor had changed and looked nervous that he was even there.

‘’ Are you sure Luffy? ’’ The worry was clear in his voice. He holds Luffy’s hands as Sabo tries to understand what happened. 

‘’ If you want to stay you can stay Bo ’’ Kimi declares casually before saying ‘’ But only if Luffy wants to ’’ 

‘’ No- No it's fine… Sabo has to get checked out too, I will wait here until you get back ’’ His brother declares as trying to fake a smile to calm Sabo’s nerves. 

Oh . He really does not want him there 

There’s an awkward silence as Karima continues to write on her chart, they already finished checking him out and to the surprise of no one, it all turned normal, like he told them. He had felt fine since waking up but ‘’ Just to make sure ’’ Kimi had told him before being kicked out of his brother's room. He is angrily eating a sandwich Koala had brought to him while he was getting checked out. Hack had already left due to having an early class tomorrow, telling him before leaving that things were going to be fine and not to worry. 

But right now he doesn’t feel fine, emotionally speaking, he doesn’t really understand why Luffy would want him out of the room, he was hoping to learn more about the damages he has suffered but obviously, that would not happen, at least not now. As he finishes the last bites of his meal, he can notice Koala staring at him, he does not understand why she decided to stay considering they're not doing anything, she should be resting for tomorrow.

‘’ Does he have a big appetite like you? ’’ Koala asks him, trying to establish any type of conversation that would break the awkward atmosphere while she waits with him for Karima to let him go back to his brother's room. 

Sabo simply responds ‘’ He would eat three times what I do now and still be hungry ’’ he almost snickered at Koala’s shocked expression, but the thoughts inside his head pulled him back into more awkward silence. 

Luffy acted nervous around him, like he did not trust him, did he do something wrong? Did he say something that had made him pull away? Is he perhaps angry that he took so long to realize it was him? It was probably that and he wouldn't blame him but before his mind could wander even more, it was suddenly interrupted by Koala. 

‘’ He probably just doesn’t want you to see him like that ’’ She tells him out of nowhere, almost as if she just finished reading his mind to know what was bothering him.

‘’ Like what? ’’ Sabo asks, genuinely confused for the reason of Luffy’s sudden change 

‘’ Hurt ’’ simply responds, with a tone in her voice that says it should be obvious to him, like how breathing comes naturally to humans. ‘’ Don’t take it personally, I wouldn’t want my mom to see me the way I did when I escaped ’’ 

He feels stupid that Koala had to spell it out for him, but his brain simply could not process it, as shame is not something he associates with his brother. The Luffy he remembers was so unapologetic himself, so happy with the smallest things, bright and kind and such a dumbass . Not afraid of the consequences of anything he said or did, no matter if it would probably piss him and Ace off. Not the type to be able to fake how he really felt.

And now, he was afraid of even looking at him because he wanted some privacy. 

Too afraid to be around strangers, too afraid to eat, too afraid to even want to live anymore. 

How could he even call himself his brother and end up failing so hard at protecting him? 

‘’ Is he scared I will judge him? ’’ he asks Koala, and the look she gives him does not calm his nerves. Before she responds, he feels a slight tap on his head coming from Karima’s clipboard.

‘’ You’re overthinking it, kid. ’’ Karima says while giving him a soft look, something rare from the strict silver haired nurse ‘’ Everything seem to be in order, but next time don’t barge out of the medical area without letting us check you out first, or is going to be worse than just being hit with this ’’ as she waves the clipboard with her hand before slightly tapping Koala’s head as well 

‘’ That goes to you too ’’

‘’ Sorry Ms. Karima… ’’ they both say, she has always been the strict type, something needed when taking care of the thousands of members in the army. Some who were as stubborn as him when it came to injuries. ‘’ Don’t leave yet, I have some questions about your brother ’’

‘’ You mentioned he ate a lot as a kid, how much would you say in quantity sizes? ’’ As she gets ready to write it down, right, Luffy’s diet needed to be fixed if he wanted his brother to actually heal instead of looking like a living skeleton when they go back to the East Blue. Ace would kill him if he goes back with Luffy in the current conditions he is in.

‘’ Uhh, he would probably eat two whole deers by himself for lunch ’’ he mentions to Karima, who just gives him a deadpan stare ‘’ Are you joking? ’’ she responds with an obvious annoyance in her voice. 

‘’ No, no, I’m being serious, he eats a lot. I don’t know how he manages to be honest. I think it has something to do with his fruit? I’m not sure, his grandpa also eats a lot so I think it's also genetics? ’’ he rambles, trying to explain, convince even, to Karima of his brother’s enormous capacity to eat, she still looks a little skeptical, but starts writing it down on her chart.

‘’ I see, in that case we will need to make some adjustments to his diet plan, we cannot feed him ‘’two whole deers’’ for lunch as you mentioned, especially in his current state but I will see how to slowly increase his intake in a way we can avoid refeeding syndrome .’’ she continues, he does not really understand what she is talking about but will make sure to look it up later. 

‘’ I thought his weight had stayed the same due to his body adapting to the low intake of food and straight up refusal to eat these past few days, but I see I made a mistake, I apologize ’’ Getting stabbed in the eyes would have hurt less than hearing that, but he appreciates her honesty and the apology, even though it’s not really their fault. Luffy’s hunger is not something that is expected and is indescribable if you haven’t seen it with your own eyes. 

Which makes it hurt more to know he had been starving on purpose these past three days while Sabo was knocked out because his stupid brain was not able to register sooner that the hurt 11 year old with rubber powers is his fucking brother.

‘’ Is my brother going to be okay? ’’ Sabo asks Karima, he knows she will not lie or bullshit him or sugarcoat it, his constant trips to the medical bay has taught him as much. 

‘’ Physically, he will recover, it will be a long and painful process. Right now we are worried about the time it's taking for some of his wounds to heal, as well as the risks of infection. It could take months, maybe even longer, but his injuries will heal with enough care. Mentally… only time will really tell ’’ she responds after a painfully long pause, he does not like the sound of that, the way she says it, she doesn’t even sound sure that Luffy will recover completely. 

‘’ Kimi is probably done by now, so you two can go ’’ she pointed to the door, as if she didn’t just drop a bomb on him about his brother’s condition, but he can’t really complain, he asked for it. They thank Karima for the help, as they leave the room, she stops them while putting her hand on Sabo’s shoulder. 

‘’ Sabo, take it easy, your brother is adjusting, and even then…. it may never go back to being the same, you understand? ’’  He doesn’t, he wants to believe that Luffy can be as happy as he once was, he gets that things will be different but he doesn’t want to give up on the idea that things may go back to what they used to be. But he simply nods in agreement to avoid further talk about it. 

As they walk their way out of the infirmary, he can quickly tell Koala’s is staring deeply at him but is making no attempts to say anything to him. He is already in a bad mood since he left his brother’s room and the infirmary.  Koala is not helping by the way she is judging him without saying anything. 

‘’ If you want to say something just say it ’’ Sabo ends up uttering, annoyed by his partner’s sudden anger towards him with no reason for it. 

‘’ You didn't understand what Ms. Karima told you, at all ’’ she says, obviously grumpy because of his bad mood. 

‘’ And what of it? Is it bad to think Luffy can be happy again? ’’ Sabo counters while walking faster, it is not wrong of him to think that his brother will recover, physically and emotionally and mentally. He knows him, he believes in him.

‘’ That’s not what she meant and you know it ’’ As she places herself in between his path, stopping him from continuing walking so he doesn't ignore her. ‘’ Luffy will never be the same kid you knew back then ’’ The sudden rage boils up in his stomach like a storm and without thinking he screams back. 

‘’ Shut up! What would you- ’’ Sabo stops, but is already too late, Koala stares deeply in betrayal and hurt by the idiocy of his words. They stay still in complete silence.   

‘ ’I’m sorry ’’ he quietly ends up muttering, expecting her to leave or slap him at the very least because of his words and the way he has been acting with her all day after she has been trying to help. But Koala simply ends up sighing, rubbing her forehead with annoyance as she thinks of what to do, before suddenly pulling him into a hug.

They embrace in the empty corridor, as most of the staff are already in their chambers for the night, but even if it was packed with people, he would not be able to stop the tears even if he wanted to, the stress of this horrible situation getting into him as he sobs his heart out into her shoulders and continues to apologize in between his cries. 

He wishes he had never recovered his memories, is selfish of him for ever wanting that even for a second, to want to forget while his brother is going through unimaginable pain, but at least that way he wouldn’t be feeling like he is doing right now. He feels pathetic, it’s pitiful how much of a coward he is. 

As the minutes go by, he is starting to feel like he can breathe again, before she asks him something his mind has been pulling into a corner all day long.

‘’ You’re leaving the revolutionaries, aren’t you? ’’ Koala asks, voice so tiny he could barely register it. They stayed quiet, he had already decided long before she had asked. She knows this. 

‘’ Yeah… I have to be there for them” She pulls him tighter into her, he hears a choked up sob but decides not to comment on it as he simply returns the gesture and hugs her tighter while consoling her as she did for him.  

‘’ I will be back too, I promise. You’re not getting rid of me that easily ’’ Sabo says as he pulls away to see her, nose still runny and red from the crying but she still snickers in between sobs ‘’ As if I could be that lucky ’’ as she playfully punches him in the arm. Ouch 

Gently, Koala caresses his face, moving the hair out of his left side so she can look him better into his eyes ‘’ Sabo…You're hoping for something that won’t happen ’’ she comments, it’s like a dagger in his heart, he knows it, but he is not ready to accept it. Not yet  ‘’ I’m not saying Luffy won’t recover, he will, I believe in him, he seems as stubborn as you ’’  

Koala continues even though she can see the pain on his face ‘’ But it will never, ever be the same. He may one day be as happy as when you last saw him but even then, it won’t be the same. I need you to understand that, you don’t have to accept it right now, but you have to understand it ’’ 

‘’ I know… ’’ He sighs, they rest their foreheads together before Koals simply mutters ‘’good’’ as they continue their way back into Luffy’s room. It’s quiet, and they are holding onto each other while they awkwardly walk to the private rooms of the medical area. 

‘’ Thank you, Koala, I mean it, really, thank you for the food and the help and… everything. I’m sorry for earlier, I wasn’t thinking clearly ’’ He sheepishly apologizes, Koala’s overall kindness towards him and Luffy has made the situation less stressful overall

‘’ Oh, don’t mention it, besides, you never think clearly ’’ Koala quickly dismissed him 

‘’ Also, is kind of cute, y’know? I never thought you would be the older brother type, but it fits you ’’ She snickers while saying it, clearly teasing him, how cruel of her. 

‘’ Goodnight, Sabo ’’ She comments right as she pulls Sabo into a quick hug, he barely mutters a goodnight before she leaves him alone in front of Luffy's room. 

God, he is going to miss her.

‘’ You can come in! ’’ He hears Kimi state in her usual relaxed tone right after knocking on the door, as he comes into the room, Sabo can see Luffy looked timidly at the floor while fidgeting with his hands, but seemed generally calm, at least for what he can tell. It’s likely Luffy doesn’t feel that uncomfortable around Kimi’s presence like he originally imagined. Though he guess it shouldn’t surprise him that much, as she specializes in taking care of any injured children that end up in the care of the revolutionaries, she probably found a way for Luffy to warm up just a little to her. 

‘’ We were just getting done over here! How did everything go, Bo? ’’ barely paying him any attention as she is focused on putting away her equipment on the cart as Luffy watches curiously. 

‘’ Uh, very well I think, Ms Karima threatened me if I get out of the medical bay without getting checked first ever again ’’ he admits, hearing Kimi letting out a laugh as if he just told her the funniest joke in existence.  

‘’ I doubt you would listen anyway, Luffy here was very cooperative today, isn’t that right Luffy? ’’ as she proudly declares while patting his brother's shoulder gently, with him nodding shyly in agreement, though he looked more embarrassed than anything. 

‘’ Is everything going alright with him?” Sabo asks, still worried, the words of Karima still lingering on his mind

‘’ Yesss, most of his wounds are healing nicely, though slowly, but there's no signs of any infection coming back at the moment, which is good ” Kimi says as she pulls a candy out of her pockets and hands it to Luffy who just stares at it confused, not making any attempt at grabbing it.

‘’ It’s for you good job today! ’’ But those words only seem to make Luffy look ashamed and sad as he avoided her gaze 

‘’ You did great… ’’ As she places herself on Luffy’s eye level, placing the candy on his small bandaged hands, as she holds them together with a warm reassuring smile.

‘’ For now I’m leaving but I’ll be close by if you need anything from me ’’ She gives them both a thumbs up before starting to push the cart out of the room, but just as she is about to leave, Luffy suddenly mutters to her 

‘’ I’m- I’m sorry… ’’ Kimi stops to look over at Luffy, trembling while holding onto the sheets of his bed, his head hung low with shame. 

‘’ I threw you and the others the plates with the food…when you were just trying to help me ’’ he can hear his little voice breaking while apologizing but can tell by his shaking hands that he was still trying to hold it together to avoid crying. Sabo wasn’t expecting that to be the reason for his brother’s attitude while being around the staff, he wonders if Koala and Hack also had that issue these past three days and that’s why they looked so relieved when he finally ate something. He will need to talk to them.

The dark haired doctor does not immediately responds, contemplating for some time, looking for a way to respond to the obviously distraught kid; he does not know what she is thinking but hopes she can reassure Luffy, even if it's just a little.

‘’ Hmm…I wasn’t happy when you reacted that way ’’ Not what Sabo wanted to hear but she continues talking without giving a second thought 

‘’ I wasn’t angry either, I was just very…sad. But that’s because I want you to get better, and so does everyone else. I’m certain your brother wants that as well ’’ as Kimi turns to look directly at him. 

‘’ So seeing you eat today, letting us help you by taking the medicine and allowing us to change your bandages made me really happy. So I don’t think you need to apologize anymore, but I appreciate it ’’ giving to the trembling child another warm smile that makes his worries leave almost instantly, though Sabo can tell there’s still a bit of regret in his eyes but neither Kimi or he comments on it. 

With that, Kimi ends up leaving both of them alone in the room, mentioning that she may come by later just to check on them.

It’s already past midnight at this point, as Sabo sits on the edge of his brother’s bed, holding his little hand, wondering if he should sleep on the couch at the corner of the room to avoid accidentally touching his brother's wounds. 

Early he had not given it a second though, as the overwhelming emotions of reuniting with his brother were taking over any rational part of his brain, but Luffy is already on a lot of pain, he knows how sensitive burns are while on the healing stage, he remembers the awful sensation when someone accidentally touched the burned areas on his arms, it felt like a thousand needles stabbed him. Adding to it the various cuts, scratches and bruises all over Luffy’s body that probably makes it even worse. 

But at the same time, he doesn’t want to sleep away from Luffy, even if the coach is not even that far away. He knows is a selfish feeling, Luffy's body is too fragile at the moment and he would rather die than accidently cause him any pain because he wanted to be close to him, but a lump on his throat forms as he sees Luffy’s condition and the need to want to protect him and give him comfort overtakes him. 

As he thinks over what to do, he suddenly feels Luffy’s small frame resting on his back, the thin arms holding onto his body with the few strengths he has.  ‘’ Are you leaving too? ’’ his little voice timidly asks.. 

‘’ Oh no, of course not Luffy. I was just thinking…that maybe I should sleep on the couch, that way I don’t end up accidentally hurting you ’’ Sabo ends up deciding, maybe it’s for the better, even if he doesn’t like it. But his answer seems to upset Luffy, as he quickly pushes Sabo away from him. When he turns around to see his little brother, his head hangs low, the dark messy hair covering most of his face while he fidgets with the bandaids on his fingers. 

‘’ Are you mad at me? ’’ Luffy ends up muttering to him, clearly nervous while asking him that, as he can notice him trembling like a kicked puppy 

‘’ Of course not, why would you think that? ’’ Worried by the fear he can sense Luffy has towards him.

‘’ Be-because.. ’’ stuttering while trying to keep his composure ‘’ Because I told Sa-Sabo to leave the room when he-he didn’t….he didn’t want to ’’ an explosion of emotions washes over his brother and soon enough, he ends up breaking down in between sobs while trying to hide his face from Sabo. Making any attempt to stop his wailing while covering his mouth in between his hands but not being able to stop and just causing the breathing to be more erratic which each cry. 

Sabo quickly pulls him closer, trying his best to avoid the burns on his neck as he gently moves over the messy hair covering Luffy’s face to plant a soft kiss on his forehead before embracing the mumbling mess that is his brother at the moment. He tries to apologize, for making him think that, for ever putting that thought on his head, but the words fall on deaf ears as Luffy’s weeping continues with choked up ‘’ I’m sorry ’’ escaping his mouth. 

‘’ There’s nothing to be sorry about ’’ He ends up saying, a lump on his throat forming from just looking at his brother's current emotional state ‘’ I’m sorry I made you think I was mad, I was just so so worried for you and didn’t want to leave you alone! I should have realized sooner you wanted me to leave, I’m sorry! ’’

As the minutes pass, Luffy's cries do not stop, with Sabo trying his best at trying to calm him down as he bawls his heart out. 

‘’ I didn’t want- Sabo to see it, I didn’t want Sabo to see me like that ’’ He says in between the erratic sobs coming from his small body. ‘’ I hate it! I want it gone! I just want it gone… ’’ Luffy states in his brother's chest as Sabo holds him closer with tears running down his face. 

He wants to take his brother’s pain away, to make all the suffering he has ever gone through disappear in an instant and burn Mary Geoise down for ever making him feel this way. To destroy the government for ever allowing this kind of suffering to occur with no consequences for those at the top. To take his pain for himself for ever allowing himself to forget his brothers existences and leave them suffering like this. 

Luffy’s cries finally start subsiding after the hours passes, with just small sobs leaving his body sporadically as he holds onto Sabo like he is the last human on earth, finally lifting his head to see Sabo after trying to avoid his gaze all day. 

‘’ I missed you Sabo… ’’ Instantly warming Sabo’s heart as he smiles in between tears to his younger brother. 

‘’ I missed you too Lu ’’ But a small laugh breaks the quiet silence that had taken over the room, as Sabo looks confused at Luffy who is laughing quietly

‘’ Shihihi, Sabo is being dumb, you couldn’t miss me because you didn’t remember me ’’ Luffy responds as he gives him the biggest smile, one that he hasn’t seen in years, one that he didn't know he needed so badly in his life, all while saying the most heartbreaking sentence he could ever hear. But he doesn’t care, he can bear it as long as he has that bright, warm and wonderful smile back into his life. 

‘’ Yeah, you’re right ’’ He mumbles to him while planting another kiss on his forehead, as Luffy continues snickering while calling him dumb before quickly falling asleep in his arms, with a small smile plastered on his face as he holds onto his chest. Sabo does not know what the future has prepared, and a small part of him is aware that it will likely never be the same, but he knows that he will do everything in his power to hear that dumb laugh again.