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“…Are you cold?” a tender voice says to Toya, pushing his bangs up to reach his forehead and kissing it, waking him up in his sleep.
He blinks when he sees him. When he sees his orange hair, his iridescent green eyes, feels his hand in his own hair. Toya reaches up to take it, gaping at him.
He huffs. “What, surprised?” he says, not pulling away as Toya sits up. “C’mere.” He wraps his arms around his shoulders, nuzzling into his neck. But he still feels cold. But he still feels cold. “…We’re both freezing,” Akito mutters.
He fumbles to wrap his arms around his back, still shaken. “…I feel warmer,” he says, leaning on his head. “You’re such a liar, Toya,” Akito says, pulling away to look at him with judging eyes and a soft smile, bringing his icy fingertips to his face. He wants to lean into them.
“Lying about winning with me. Lying about living with me,” he says. Toya’s heart drops. His stomach fills with anxiety. But it almost feels… Good. “But… You didn't lie about wanting to sing with me. Or loving me,” he says, getting up close to the side of his face so he can’t see his expression. “You’re cruel, you know that, right?”
He relaxes his arms around Akito in a loose hold around his waist, feeling him bring one of his hands to his chest to feel the beating within it. “…Well?” He swallows. He nods. “That’s right.”
“…Some part of you knew I’d make it end like this, right?” Akito asks, melting Toya’s posture deeper into him and bringing his hold back around his shoulders. He takes a second to reply. He feels an anxious heartbeat in his chest that’s almost comforting. “I didn't want to believe it.” “But you know me.” “…I do.” “You should have known.” “You should have let me—” “Shut up,” he says in uncharacteristic quietness. Toya seals his lips.
“You knew I knew the whole damn time. You let me watch you plan your death. Did you think I would let that slide?” Akito asks him, his grip tighter. It relaxes once he tenses.
“…You deserved to live,” Toya says to break the silence that follows Akito’s question. “And you didn’t? Don’t piss me off.” “…Akito—” “I didn't deserve to have you die for me. You know the only way I’d ever take a move like that is by doing the same thing.” “Akito—”
“But, you know,” Akito says, lifting Toya’s head up from his chest. “We’re both hypocrites.” He stares, finally leaning into his hands. “…After trying so hard to make sure you don’t die for me, I made you live for me.” “Akito…” “I’m awful for making you love me so much you do either.” “Akito.” He looks surprised for the first time in this conversation. “I’ll do it. I’ll live. For you. Akito.” His surprise melts into a painful smile, wrapping his arms back around Toya and hiding his face from him again—his heartbeat is slower now, he notes as it thuds against his chest again.
“Then… No matter what we did, I’m never getting what I want,” Akito says, sighing. But Toya realizes now that that’s wrong, too.
“…No. You know you would want either,” he tells him, holding him close like he’ll disappear if he lets go—he’ll disappear if he lets go. “You’re as much of a liar as me, Akito.” He hears his heart stutter. “…Tch. You really do know me,” he huffs, begrudgingly leaning on Toya.
“…Akito?” he softly starts, lifting his head. “No. I know.” “At least let me say it.” Akito sighs. “…You’ve said it enough,” he mutters, cupping Toya’s cheek with one hand and keeping the other on his back, giving him a soft kiss before pulling away a second too early. He tastes copper.