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@johnnystorm.official tweets

*Slide show of behind the scenes photos. The last having Peter sat behind a camera, laughing at a joke Johnny just made. His brown hair is slightly tussled and his round glasses are sliding off the bridge of his nose.*

Just got done shooting for the day! Thank you to the set team for making this experience as painless as possible LMAO

@flaming.0n retweets with the caption:

why is Johnny Storm's photographer kinda…. 👀

—

This probably marks the worst day of Johnny Storm’s life.

Not when he got trapped in the negative zone and was killed and reborn so many times he lost count, not when his family disappeared to go rebuild the multiverse without telling him, not even that one time his family tricked him into believing they were having a costume party only to humiliate him when he showed up in a maid dress.

No this by far trumped all of those experiences several times over.

The internet was now thirsting over his long-time best friend Peter Parker.

At least Peter was finding the situation funny.

Peter sat in Johnny’s bedroom, sprawled out on his couch, scrolling through the retweets on the post Johnny had just made the night before. He was hysterical, laughing into his hand and smiling like he just won a Nobel Peace Prize.

He snorts as Johnny glares at him from across the couch. “Damn why do we even need Johnny? Just get the photographer to shoot in his place instead.” Peter nearly drops his phone as he reads the tweet, shaking with laughter.

“It’s not that funny.” Johnny says, scowling as Peter continues to scroll with an amused grin on his face.

“Au contraire,” Peter’s face lights up like a New York skylight at night. “This is the funniest thing to ever happen to either of us. I knew I wasn’t lying when I said that I was the looker between the two of us.”

Johnny attempts to yank the phone out of Peter’s hands but Peter swerves at the last second leaving Johnny face down and miserable on the couch. Peter continues to laugh at his misery.

—

@f1r3f1y.4 tweets

Apparently @johnnystorm.official photographer is the same guy who takes all of those cool shots of Spider-Man for the bugle! His name is Peter Parker and he’s not only hot but like extremely talented. He also dated Mary Jane Watson at one point which is where I remembered him from

@boythatsashocker retweets with caption:

does anyone know if he has any socials? I’d like to….. support his work

@photographer.pp retweets @boythatsashocker with image and caption:

*Peter is smiling sweetly at the camera, hand pulled up into a peace sign. His hair is unstyled and his glasses are sat artfully wonky on his nose.*

Just created this account yesterday. I’m happy you all like my work :)

@boythatsashocker retweets @photographer.pp with caption:

holy shit they really do have the wrong person behind the camera

—

“You are so fake!” Johnny shouts from across Peter’s small dinner table as he checks on his mentions on twitter. This is day two of Peter’s new found fame and Peter is already taking advantage of it. The one photo he tweeted has gone viral across the entire platform, complete with annoying hashtags, now people who aren’t even Johnny’s fans know what Peter looks like. “Acting all coy and innocent with that tweet! Who do you think you’re fooling!” He sets his phone down with a slam.

Peter laughs as Johnny rips the phone out of his hands. Johnny’s only able to do it because Peter let him but he counts his wins where he can. “What? I’m just a sweet and nice photographer, Johnny. Don’t get it twisted.” He gives Johnny an exaggerated pout, pushing around the noodles on his plate as if he’s too shy to eat them, Johnny just wants to rip the expression off his face.

—

@officialmjwatson tweets

Crazy watching the internet thirst over my ex-boyfriend. @photographer.pp wanna explain yourself?

@photographer.pp retweets with caption: 

People are just seeing what you missed out on. ;)

@officialmjwatson retweets with caption:

You’re horrible, I can’t believe people are letting you get away with this

@photographer.pp retweets with caption:

Love you too MJ <3

@redhairedlovergirl retweets with caption:

yet another reason to get jealous over MJ 😩

—

Johnny wasn’t overreacting. 

First of all, he’s never overreacted in his life and second Peter was clearly just doing this to piss off Johnny. If he just let this thing blow over like Johnny intended none of this would’ve happened. And third of all it’s damaging to Johnny’s brand! He’s the hot one! Not his friend from Queens who looks really good in tight spandex– not as good as Johnny– that fights crime on less than three hours of sleep. 

“I mean, I spent so long building my fame up to this point just for one good photo to ruin it,” Johnny scowls as he turns to Sue. “Any good friend would’ve just thanked the public and let it die down but no Parker has to always find any way to one up me–”

“Johnny!” Sue shouts as she redirects an alien attack as it charges towards them, her force fields glint in the low light, almost as much as her eyes glint as she glares at him. “Can we talk about your crush literally any other time!” 

The alien crashes into the ground, its allies circle them. Johnny flames on, soaring to a better vantage point. “I don’t have a crush–!”

Ben punches an alien so hard it flies just past Johnny. “We talkin’ about Torch’s little school boy crush on Webs?” He laughs as more aim their weapons at him.

Johnny blasts a fireball at one that had a laser trained towards him. “Not–!”

“Johnny experiencing the normal emotions that would come with a crush–” Reed stretches out, knocking back an alien so it can’t damage the control panel he’s attempting to fix, “--especially in this rather unique situation. It’s normal to feel jealous over people viewing your potential partner like that. I mean, when I was in university I got jealous whenever people looked at Sue like that.”

“That’s sweet Reed.” Sue replies, disgustingly in love and also obliterating the enemy Reed knocked towards her.

Ben rips a few weapons from the hands of the aliens, throwing them far out of reach. “I think we should circle back to the fact that Johnny’s all sweet on the webslinger.”

“Nothing to–!” Johnny throws a few balls of fire, they’re a bit bigger than they need to be to knock out the targets firing at them at a distant range. “--Talk about!”

“Supressing emotion isn’t healthy Johnny.” Sue says, she forcefields a layer of fired bullets and sends them off to the side. “Also I would love to have Peter as a brother-in-law, he’s a very smart man and he gets along with the family better than your other past partners.”

Johnny feels his face heat up along with his flames.

In the end the battle field is scorched and Johnny has to put up with an entire space ride back to Earth with his family's teasing.

—

@photographer.pp tweets

*Peter is smiling wrapping an arm around Aunt May who looks both delighted and amused*

My Aunt May finds my new internet fame quite funny, she asked me to take a picture of both of us and post it. So here. Also she will be reading the replies so don’t tweet anything you wouldn’t let your own aunt see.

@octogonenthusiast retweets with caption:

damn do you need a new uncle? 😍

@mysteriocheerio retweets with caption:

his smile, his arms, his hands, his chest, his waist 😍😍😍😍😍😍

—

Johnny and Peter are having dinner together at a diner. This is a completely easy task for Johnny Storm who is both cool under pressure and has a lot of normal feelings for his best platonic bro.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Peter asks, there’s a smile on his face but his worry is betrayed by the scrunch in his eyebrows.

Johnny continues to glare at him, crossing his arms. “What do you think?”

Peter pulls the menu in front of him, pretending to scan through it even though they both know Peter is just going to order the same thing. “Is this about the thirst tweet I made about Captain America?”

“I–” Then Johnny takes a second to process the words, “You what?”

Peter chuckles, “Oops.”

“You made a thirst tweet for Captain America?” Johnny’s brain struggles to comprehend the fact that the guy he’s known for a good decade at this point, the guy that always has a beautiful model on his arm, the guy that flirted with his girlfriend and who stole Johnny’s TV crush likes men as well.

He might need a moment.

…

Alright moments over.

“You made a thirst tweet for Captain America but you didn’t make one for me?” He practically shouts, and no Johnny doesn’t care that people are turning to look. They can deal with a little noise while he chews out Peter.

“What?” Peter looks like a cross between genuinely amused and concerned. “Do you want me to?”

Johnny slumps back into his seat, huffing as he turns away to look out the window. “It won’t be authentic if I tell you to do it. It’d ruin the point of a thirst tweet.”

“Oh come on firefly don’t get all depressed on me.”

Johnny gives him a flaming middle finger. Serves him right.

“Um, hi, sorry for bothering you two…” Says a feminine meek voice.

Johnny turns around and wills his expression to something more pleasant. For the fans. For the fans. For the fans– “Hi, what can I–” But Johnny finds she’s actually looking at Peter.

What. The. Fuck.

“Oh it’s no worry at all.” Peter looks every bit of a model right now, perfect smile, pleasant expression, beautiful hair, and– fuck. “What can I do for you?”

The girl rocks back and forth on her heels, seemingly barely managing to make eye contact. “Well I really admire your photos of Spider-Man and you’re pretty funny online so I just wanted to ask… if I could take a photo with you…” She whispers the last part so quietly that Johnny barely catches it.

“Thank you! And yeah, totally. How do you wanna–?”

They take the photo right next to Johnny, not even bothering to include him. Peter has his arm wrapped around the girl's shoulder as the girl throws up two peace signs, a nervous grin on her face. Peter winks at the camera before taking a few photos on her phone with his other hand.

Once the affair is done she thanks Peter profusely before running off to the other side of the diner out of Johnny’s sight.

Peter looks like the Cheshire Cat and Johnny knows whatever comes out of his mouth next is going to be brain meltingly stupid. “Hey Johnny–”

“I will burn you, if you say another word.” He scowls.

—

@photosimp101 tweets

*Photo of a girl holding up two peace signs and Peter winking at the camera with an arm around her shoulder, they’re both smiling at the camera. In the background there’s a shoulder but the head of the person is out of shot.*

Met @photographer.pp today!!! I thought I was going to melt in his presence lol

@peterparkersleftleg retweets with caption:

GODDDD I’VE SEEN WHAT YOU’VE DONE FOR OTHERS

@photographer.pp retweets with caption:

It was lovely meeting you!

*Photo of Johnny looking to the side, seemingly obvious that the photo is being taken. He’s pouting and crossing his arms.*

Johnny was also there, jealous he didn’t get a photo as well lol. On the bright side he does look cute when angry.

@t0rching4444 retweets @photographer.pp with caption:

?????? hello????????????? new ship unlocked????????

—

The battle had been messy. Another alien tech arms deal gone wrong in downtown New York. Johnny hovered a few feet above the wreckage, flames licking at his boots as he surveyed the damage. Beside him, Spider-Man crouched on a half-crushed taxi, twisting a loose web-shooter cartridge back into place.

A news crew burst through the police tape, microphones thrust forward like weapons.

"Spider-Man!" The reporter shouted over the sirens. "Care to comment on the rumors about you and Peter Parker?"

Johnny’s flames flickered blue.

Spidey’s head snapped up, lenses widening comically. "Uh." He shot a glance at Johnny, then back at the camera. "I mean– what rumors?”

The reporter grinned, smelling blood in the water. “The rumours that you two are dating. The public finds it suspicious that he always seems to know where you are and how he is able to get such good shots of you.”

Spider-Man straightened up, tilting his head. “Oh Peter?” A beat. “Great guy. Ten out of ten. Not dating him though. I mean we’ve given each other the odd hand-job but–”

Johnny chokes.

"--No relationship." Spider-Man added cheerfully, miming a zipper over his mouth.

The reporter opened their mouth again, but Johnny grabbed Spider-Man’s arm, yanking him skyward. "We’re done here," He hissed, flames roaring as they launched into the air.

Spidey whooped as they swung between buildings, “I think that went well.” He says just loud enough for Johnny to hear.

Johnny’s grip tightened. “I hate you. Seriously? What is wrong with you?”

"Liar," Spider-Man sing-songed, and let go, plunging into a freefall before catching himself on a web. “And a lot!” He shouts just before the wind drowns him out.

—

@j0hnnyst0rmshusband tweets

ever think about how quiet Johnny’s official account has gotten since this whole peter parker thing started going down? yeah, me too.

@johnnyparker4444 retweets with caption:

probably too busy staring and making out with his photographer to do anything productive

@boythatsashocker retweets with caption:

Shiiiii. I mean if I had that fine thing around me for several hours a day I wouldn’t be getting anything productive done either

—

Sue nearly falls out of her chair laughing at Johnny’s anguish as he sits with Peter and the FF at the dinner table.

“Oh, come on,” Johnny groans, stabbing at his mashed potatoes like they’ve personally wronged him. “It’s not that funny.”

“It’s very funny,” Reed says, scrolling through his tablet– which, Johnny realizes with horror, is open to Twitter. “According to the analytics, Peter’s follower count has increased by 300% in the last 48 hours. Fascinating social phenomenon, really.”

“Fascinating,” Johnny deadpans. “Next you’re gonna tell me you’ve got a chart about it.”

Reed doesn’t even look up. “I do, actually.”

Ben, meanwhile, is wheezing into his glass, slapping the table hard enough to make the silverware jump. “I told ya, matchstick! Ya shoulda locked ‘im down years ago! Now the whole world’s got eyes on your man.”

Peter, the traitor, just grins, twirling his fork between his fingers. “What can I say? The people have spoken.” He leans in, lowering his voice to a stage whisper. “And they think I’m hot.”

Johnny’s face burns. “You’re all insufferable.”

“Yet here you are,” Sue says, wiping tears from her eyes, “Suffering.”

Johnny kicks Sue under the table.

Peter pulls out his phone and takes a picture of Johnny’s pouting face. Before Johnny can even react, there’s the telltale whoosh of a tweet being sent.

“Peter.”

“What?” Peter blinks innocently. “The people deserve content.”

Johnny lunges for the phone, but Peter– damn his spider-reflexes– dangles it just out of reach. “Give. It. Back.”

“Nope.” Peter’s grin widens. “Already got 500 likes.”

Johnny groans, collapsing back into his chair. “I hate you.”

Peter leans in, close enough that Johnny can feel his smirk. “Liar.”

And– wow, okay, that’s not helping Johnny’s whole I’m-definitely-not-blushing situation.

Ben fake-gags. “Ugh, get a room.”

Sue raises her glass. “I’ll toast to that.”

Johnny wishes the Negative Zone would swallow him whole.

—

@photographer.pp tweets

*Photo of Johnny Storm mid-pout, arms crossed, cheeks flushed. The lighting is soft, almost romantic, if not for the sheer and overwhelming irritation radiating off him.*

Dinner with the FF! Johnny says he hates me. (He doesn’t.)

@johnnystorm.official retweets with caption:

I think I do hate you actually

@f1r3f1y.4 retweets with caption:

Wait why are they actually acting like an old married couple 😭

—

Johnny scrolled through his feed for the hundredth time that night. Another retweet of Peter’s latest post. Some artsy black-and-white shot of the New York skyline, captioned "thinking about things." The replies were full of heart-eye emojis and "marry me??" comments.

He groaned, tossing his phone onto the couch.

Bobby Drake, perched on the armrest with a beer in hand, raised an eyebrow. "Dude. You’re brooding."

"I don’t brood," Johnny muttered, flames flickering at his fingertips. "I radiate."

Bobby snorted. "Yeah, you’re radiating jealousy."

"I’m not–" Johnny cut himself off with a growl. "It’s just annoying. Parker’s milking this for all it’s worth, and now there’s a subsection of people who are shipping us. Like, what’s next? A rom-com?

Bobby took a slow sip of his drink. "If you’re not then prove it.”

Johnny is three beers too deep for this conversation. “Huh?” He replies eloquently.

“If you’re not jealous then you also must not be attracted to him right?” Bobby slides from the armrest to Johnny’s side, grabbing his phone. “Come on, you must have some smoking photos of Peter on here. If you can look me dead in the eye and say you’re not attracted to him then I’ll believe you.”

Ah yes, this is a great plan. Says his drunk addled brain.

Johnny squinted at Bobby, the room tilting slightly. "You want me to... what?"

Bobby grinned, waving Johnny's unlocked phone like a trophy. "Show me the hottest photo you have of Peter Parker. Right now. If you can do it without blushing, I'll drop it forever."

Johnny's mouth opened. Closed. His brain short-circuited.

Because–

One, he did have photos of Peter. A lot of them.

Two, some were questionably framed.

Three, he was absolutely going to regret this.

"Fuck it," He slurred, snatching the phone back. "But only to prove you wrong."

Johnny swiped through his camera roll, trying to ignore the sheer volume of Peter-centric shots.

Peter mid-laugh, sunlight catching his stupidly perfect cheekbones.

Peter biting his lip while fixing a web-shooter, sleeves rolled up to his elbows.

Peter asleep on Johnny’s couch, hair mussed, one arm thrown over his face like some kind of tragic romance novel cover.

Bobby’s eyebrows climbed higher with each swipe. "Dude."

"Shut up," Johnny hissed, landing on a particularly damning one– It must’ve been taken post-battle, Peter was wiping the sweat off his brow, suit gone and replaced with a pair of grey sweats, muscles on full glistening display. The lighting was artistic. The composition was dynamic. The way his–

“Oh my god,” Bobby wheezed, “You’re down bad.”

“I can’t fucking defend myself any longer.” Johnny presses his face into his palms, it’s so over for him. He wonders how hard it would be to fake his own death and move to Canada. “Why is he so hot, Bobby? It’s not fair.” He drags out the last word.

“There there.” Bobby says, patting his head like a dog. “If it makes you feel any better, everyone thinks Peter is hot.”

It really, really doesn’t.

—

@johnnystorm.official tweets

*Photo of Peter standing shirtless in Johnny’s bedroom. He’s visibly sweating with grey sweatpants hung low on his waist. He isn’t looking at the camera but there’s a small smirk visible on his face.*

omfggggggg I need him so badly. Carnally. in whatever position he wants at any time of day

@silverblackkitty retweets with caption:

I mean we all knew but LMAO

@sup3rn0va4444 retweets with caption:

realest thing johnny has ever said

@sandcastlewoman retweets with caption:

is this seriously how I learn that Johnny Storm is into men????

@photosimp.png retweets with caption:

johnny becoming one of the greatest philosophers of our time with this take frfr

—

Johnny’s life is officially over. As of right now he’s looking up flights to Canada and people on Fiverr who can make a life-sized photorealistic doll of him, complete with fake blood and everything.

He hears a tapping on his window and he’s tempted to ignore it but Johnny thinks a little more encouragement for his fake-death will be good in the long run.

So he pulls away from his desk and opens his window. Staring Spider-Man dead in the eye.

They don’t say anything as Spider-Man leaps in, taking off his mask as Johnny shuts the window and blinds.

“So…” Peter picks on the webshooter on his wrist, “I heard you needed me?”

Yeah. Canada was actually starting to sound too close. He’s actually heard that Italy has lovely weather this time of year, so maybe when he fake kills himself he’ll fuck off to there instead.

Instead of saying anything rational he says this instead, “I’m going to kill you and then myself afterwards.”

That’s enough to get Peter to burst into hysterical laughter. Johnny’s glad at least one of them was finding this situation funny.

Peter takes a step closer. Mentally Johnny prepares to flame on to get the hell out of here.

“Johnny…” Peter whispers, sliding a hand to his waist and tugging him closer. “I need you too...”

Shockingly, Johnny does not die on the spot.

—

@johnnystorm.official tweets

*Photo of Johnny and Peter bare chested in bed. Peter is behind Johnny, arm slung lazily around Johnny’s waist as he sleeps. Johnny is looking smugly at the camera, there’s a very obvious hickey on his neck.*

Yeah fuck you internet. I bagged him FIRST

—

Within the hour the internet starts cancelling Johnny Storm.