Archive of Our Own ^beta

Date of death: 10/7/2005. No close biological family to speak of, both parents had passed away years ago. It was up to the student body and the closest thing to his own child to organise his funeral. Despite having a mostly intact body, there was no burial. Hyacinth always said he wanted to be sent out to sea once he died, so of course his wish was upheld.

Beolco was the only one at his memorial today, intentionally so. It would’ve been his birthday and many students had left gifts or cards around for him. With trembling hands, Beolco held a mug that they had repurposed into a little plant pot. Inside grew two little hyacinth buds that hadn’t bloomed just yet. He had been holding onto it for a while now, a planned gift for his birthday that was now for no one.

It wasn’t really the fact that Hyacinth was gone, it’s that he wasn’t coming back. Death was more of an abstract concept to Beolco rather than a ticking clock thanks to the fact his biological parents were so young compared to others, and now they were suddenly chucked right in the deep end and drowning in grief. The feeling was completely indescribable, it was the emotional equivalent of having a hole punched square through his chest. Death wasn’t fair, that shouldn't've been how the world worked.

Of course everyone close to Beolco was very aware of how much this affected him, especially considering the raid plus Chanticleer's disappearance and supposed death. Often he’d awake to comforting messages from his friends and partner, and every time they’d mention that he didn’t have to respond. Grief was a powerful thing, the last they’d expect is for him to have the energy to respond to each and every one of them. He really needed one of those messages right about now, but unfortunately there wasn’t any semblance of signal where he was, no matter how high Beolco held his phone into the sky. It was only him and his memories.

Sometimes they’d come out here to talk. It might’ve seemed pretty weird to an outsider, but it was a way for him to cope with it all. Yet today he didn’t even have the will to ramble on to thin air, talking about his life as it went on to try and normalise the idea of Hyacinth not being involved in it anymore. Instead he held out the mug, nearly dropping it as his entire body shook. “C-Come on… you have to take it. I-It’s- it’s your birthday! I got- I got you this for your birthday, Hyacinth! Come on!” Beolco’s voice grew more broken and desperate, somehow still holding out a sliver of hope that he was alive despite being the one to send him out to sea. “You- you- ha-have to! You gotta- you got to take it! It’s my gift…”

No response but the cold, bitter November winds. “You have to! You have to take it! Please just- take it, goddamnit! Please!” He completely crumpled to the ground, heaving and sobbing out garbled pleas to the heavens. They didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye. So many promises left unkept.

A small light peeked through the clouds and there he was. It couldn't have been a dream, everything felt too realised and consistent. Yet it also didn’t feel like reality either. Perhaps it was the gap between both, or somewhere else entirely. Wherever it was, Beolco trudged through the warm void and embraced the air that felt like a warm hug. Despite the lack of… anything there were still twisty corners and crevices to be found, like someone turned off both the shadows and collisions.

Dipping his head around Beolco noticed a silhouette not too far from him; one that made him freeze up and deny what was in front of him. This could’ve been yet another dream where he’d gallop over into comforting arms, only to be met with cold air and a painful neck once he woke up. Quietly he murmured to himself, their incomprehensible words still reaching the figure. Hyacinth’s ears pricked up at the sound of Beolco’s voice, his head instantly swivelled around while his face softened even more at the sight of him.

As fast as his body could take him, the hedgehog skittered over to them and placed a soft paw on his shoulder, squeezing it comfortingly. Hyacinth looked both worse for wear and better than ever, as if he had just flopped into bed after a long day out. His spiny hair was all relaxed, no longer flared up from the stresses of a midlife crisis and having to manage rowdy college students in an understaffed school. And best of all: there was no longer a deep sadness in his eyes, now replaced by the weary happiness of someone who had finally gotten to rest after his seemingly intense death.

Beolco was speechless, having so much to say while all words completely escaped him. He just blabbered on for a good minute, trying to get everything out while he still could. Sympathetically Hyacinth smiled and finally spoke himself. “Do you want a hug?” Just hearing his voice would've been enough after so many responses of silence, of course he wanted a hug. They collapsed into his arms, immediately breaking down into tears while gripping him for dear life.

Hyacinth listened to everything Beolco had to say, even if he couldn’t fully make out some of the words through the tears and sniffling. Even after calming down there was a small yet constant stream of tears falling down his face and staining his fur. “Woah there, kiddo! You’re going to overexert yourself there…”

“I- I know, I nearly passed out earlier… god I feel like an idiot…”

“Hey, hey now. Don’t go so hard on yourself, alright?”

“I-I haven’t been doing nearly as much work as I usually have I- I wake up so late, my boyfriend has to remind me to even eat I- oh my god I just can’t-”

“Beolco, listen to me.” Hyacinth firmly yet gently interrupted his ramble, holding them a little tighter than usual. “You’re… you’re going through so much and yet- you’re still living! You have friends and a partner, you’re intelligent and have one of the kindest souls I know. And you’re alive, that itself is an amazing accomplishment. The only one who expects all of this… greatness from you every day is you. Don’t be so hard on yourself, alright?” Just like before, all the words had been stolen out of Beolco’s mouth whilst he tried to process everything. “Th-thank you… I- I promise I’ll try my best!”

“That’s all you need to do, just try your best. Not the best, your best.” All of Beolco’s panicked, jumbled up emotions had calmed down into something more relaxing? If you asked him to describe what he was feeling at that moment they wouldn’t be able to do it. It was a complex mush of so many different feelings. “I’m so proud of you, son. Please… never forget that.” And there it was. Everything they had ever wanted to hear. He was already crying before, but this just made it all spill over again; Though this time it was filled with a somber happiness. “I-I won’t dad, I promise! I’ll never forget it, and I’ll never forget you either!” Hyacinth was the one to start crying this time, taking off his glasses and cleaning off the smudges while doing a weird laugh-cry.

The two of them stayed like that for an uncertain amount of time, how did time even work wherever they were? It didn’t matter though, as it still felt like an eternity until Hyacinth pulled away a little, giving Beolco a pat on the head. “Let’s get you back now, eh?”

“Mhm… could you hold my hand please? I know there’s nothing to be scared of but… I still feel nervous.” Hyacinth smiled, the last one Beolco would see before his own end eventually.

“Of course.”