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Chapter Text

The needle pricks his skin. The mysterious liquid was being pushed into his veins. Goosebumps are raised at the sensation and when the needle is removed the goose bumps remain. A mouth guard was pushed into his mouth and his breath picked up. He knew what was coming. The metal restraints were cold on his skin, and they clanked on his metal arm. His chest heaved.

"Beginning the process in three... two.... one."

The loud clank of a switch rings out and the whirl of electricity buzzes through the air. He bites hard on the mouth guard. His body convulses through the pain. His muscles clench painfully. He would scream if it weren't for the mouth guard.

"Increase the power." A voice rings out. The pain in his body roars up even more. Tears fell from the corner of his eyes. The pain was splitting his head open. He bites through the mouth guard; wondering if his teeth will crack under pressure.

He can't hold it in, he opens his mouth to scream but nothing comes out. His voice is gone. His body is not under his control. He's going to die. The pain is too much. He would welcome the sweet embrace. In his moments lying there taking in the current of electricity, a face comes to him. A soft, delicate face. Desperate to remember.

Was her hair blonde? No brown. No... It was black.

He can't remember. He needs to remember.

Who was she? What did she look like?

His eyes flash open, he hears a sound like a dying animal. He didn't even realize it was him.
The world is closing in on him. His vision is going dark. Panic rises in his chest. He doesn’t want to go like this. He can’t. He’s a fighter he always has been. He can’t go. He won’t let go. The tunnel was getting smaller.

Who was she? What did she look like?

He lets out a small whimper that’s drowned out by the machine.

Why can’t I remember? She was important, right? Important to me.

He could only see a speck of light before it was finally snuffed out.

Bucky woke up with a start sitting up violently on the bed. His body drenched in a cold sweat. His chest heaving from his breath as he looks at his hands. His heart was beating violently.
“Bucky?” A soft voice said behind him. Slowly, Bucky looked at you. His eyes wide with panic. It was a common occurrence, his nightmares, and they didn’t get any easier. “I’m alright...” He mutters. His voice is hoarse as if he’d been screaming for hours. You place a hand in his. The moment your hands touch his closes tightly on yours. He was still breathing heavily. His body is shivering.

Bucky swallowed, closing his eyes focusing on the feeling of your hand in his. He willed himself to steady his breathing. He didn’t want you to worry but he knew you would anyway. Still, it was hard to let you see him like this. He was proud and as much as he wanted to, he wasn’t going to hide the dark part of his past from you. When Bucky opened his eyes, they were softer. He touches his forehead to yours. “I’m alright. Just a nightmare.”

You close your eyes at the contact. Your other hand resting on the nape of his neck. “Was it the same one?” Bucky nods. “Yeah… I’m back in the chair. Forgetting everything. Forgetting you.” His voice cracks slightly at the word you.

He takes a deep breath and exhales. The warm breath fanning over your face. “I’m here Buck. I’m right here.” You assure him. He nods again. “I know.” Bucky leans forward resting his body on yours. He buries his face in your chest. His arms wrapping around you. He’s careful with his bionic arm. The dark vibranium whirling gently. It’s almost unnoticeable between your soft breaths. You could feel his damp skin through your shirt, but you didn’t mind. Your arms wrapped around him in kind. “I’m here.” You repeat. Bucky tightens his grip “Please. Say it again. I need to hear you say it.”

“I’m here, James.” You both lay there in your bed. As you whisper soft assurances in Bucky’s ear. He fell asleep in the warm embrace of your arms. His nightmares are a byproduct of his time in the war. Of his time as the Winter Soldier. No matter, you were always there to reassure him. You will always be there. You wanted to be there for him after all he’s been through

Chapter Text

You met Bucky years back when you were working for S.H.I.E.L.D. The whole civil war incident prompted you to investigate who exactly was the Winter Soldier. He was supposed to be the next generation of super soldiers created by Hydra to battle against Captain America. He was trained to comply no matter what the task. A mindless killing machine. Before all this happened, he went by James Buchanan Barnes. His friends called him Bucky. A young man who enlisted in 1943. Eager to fight for the war. To put an end to this hate and killing.

However, he was captured by Hydra. Brainwashed, tortured and turned into the Winter Soldier. His arm was lost during a fall on a mission with Captain America. Hydra replaced it with a cybernetic one. When they didn’t need his duties, they put him on ice until his next assignment.

He was but a tool for them to use. No autonomy over his own mind and body. When he somehow managed to escape Hydra’s clutches, he was being pursued by S.H.I.E.L.D. They thought he was the one who murdered King T’Chaka. You were on orders to apprehend him at any cost but when it came down to it. You didn’t.

You stood between him and his only way out. Your gun pointed at his chest. He looked at you with desperation in his eyes. There was also a dangerous look that made your hair stand on end. “I didn’t kill the King.” Bucky said. You tighten your grip on your gun.

“How do I know that?” you bite back. He doesn’t raise his hands up. “Just surrender and this will all be over.” You swallowed. A nervous tick to remind yourself to breathe. You tried to keep your hands steady, but the gun was visibly shaking.

“Look, I don't want to hurt you. Okay? I’m just trying to take back my life.” There was sincerity in his eyes. You had been trained to try and spot liars in your line of work but seeing him before you made you hesitate.

When you didn’t lower your gun, he took a deep breath and whispered. “Please…” Something about his pleading took you off guard. You lowered your gun slowly. The two of you stared at each other. Heavy footsteps echoed from the stairwell.

Running to the railing you look over to see about a dozen agents running up. You glance back at him, but he was gone.

During the war against Thanos was the next time you saw him. He looked better, much surer of himself. It seemed he spent time in Wakanda healing. He was ready to fight against whatever alien war that was coming to Earth. You on the other hand not so much. You were trying to calm your nerves when you heard footsteps. Bucky approached you, his face stoic. When you met his eyes they were softer. Not like those two years ago. He sat next to you. You tried to get your leg to stop bouncing but it wouldn’t listen. There was an awkward silence before he spoke up.  “You okay?” Bucky asked.

You debated on lying. Trying to put up a façade to show him how tough you were, but you decided against it. “No.” You both shift on the bench. 

His chuckle broke the silence. “You know I should have something inspirational to say but we're fighting against an alien army for some magic rocks. Plus, inspirational speeches aren’t really my thing.” The corner of your lips turned up into a smile. Though the anxiety remained.

“Well, what is your thing?” You say as you lean your elbows on your knees waiting for him to answer. He takes a moment to consider before he frowns. “I’m still trying to figure that out, I guess.”

He clears his throat. “This may seem out of the blue, but I just wanted to thank you.” Your eyebrows raised in surprise. “For what?” Bucky shifted in seat to face you directly. Your knees touching. “Two years back you could have turned me in. You should have turned me in, but you didn’t.”

He remembered when you held him at gun point to arrest him. When you didn’t say anything, he continued. “Yeah, so thank you.” You heard the metal of his arm clanking as he opened and closed his fist.

You wave a hand at him. “Is what Captain America would have done.” You say with a shrug. He snorts. “Steve knows me. Knew me before this.” Bucky gestures to his arm. “What’s your angle?” You think back to that day. Why didn’t you do your job? Was it the look in his eyes? The way he seemed to be pleading with you. You shake your head. “I just listened to my gut.”

“Your gut? You let a dangerous assassin go because of your gut?” When you looked over at him, he smirked. “I joined S.H.I.E.L.D so I could make a difference. I know there are two sides to every coin. Plus, you don’t seem too bad.” His smirks fades. He runs his hand through his hair. “You don’t really know me then.”

“I’d like to.” You blurt out.

“What?” 

No backing out now. “I’d like to get to know you. We might be dying anyway so why not?” You both hold eye contact. If your anxiety was bad before, it's worse now. Bucky studies your face. His eyes scanning for something. Then you see his face soften. “Okay miss-? “ You tell him your name. You hadn’t before until now.

He repeats it back to you. “You sure you want to get to know me? What if you like me?” Bucky gives you a mischievous grin.  You narrow your eyes. “What’s that look for?” He shrugs but the grin remains. You let out an annoyed huff. “Well?”

He laughs again. You notice the way his eyes crinkle at the corner when he laughs. “What do you want to know?”

“Tell me something that isn’t on your file.”

“You read my file?” He smirked again. God that was getting annoying you thought. “That’s beside the point. I’m just saying I want something that not everyone would know.” Bucky thought for a moment. He leaned one elbow on his knee and the other arm propped up at his thigh. He hummed. “I like… chili dogs. I used to get them when I went to Coney Island.” He looked off as he remembered something.

“I took this girl there once just before I left for the war. I was wearing my uniform and got chili on the front of it. I spent the rest of the date in the bathroom trying to get it off.” A somber look comes over his face. “It’s one of the few things I remember before.” He paused. Bucky’s throat bobbed as he swallowed. “Before you know.” 

A silence fell between you two before you spoke up. “Oh wow, was the chili dog that good that lasted through Hydra's brainwashing?” Bucky gives you this look. His eyebrows raised, making his forehead crinkle. You think for a moment that you offended him.

“I’m sorry” You say quickly. “It was a bad joke.” He huffs then shakes his head. “Don’t apologize. It is funny. Out of everything I could remember. Embarrassing myself in front of a pretty girl is one of them.”

“Have you had a chili dog since?” You ask. Your curiosity getting the better of you.

He scratched his chin with his hand thinking. “You know… I can’t remember. Probably seventy years ago.” You slap him on his knee. The action surprised both of you. You take your hand away then stand. “That settles it. After this is all over. We are going to get you one.” Again another awkward silence fell between you two. You extended your hand to him. “What do you say?”

Bucky looks at your hand then he stands as well. He was much taller up close. “Alright you have a deal. I’ll buy, but we have to go to Coney Island to get it.” He gives your hand a tight shake. The hand shake lingers for a moment too long you think.

“Deal, I'll steal the quinjet.” He gives you a look of suspicion. You roll your eyes. “Commandeer. I’m going to commandeer the quinjet.” He laughs a little. “I’m not sure that's better.” 

The sound from up above got your attention. You pull your hand away from him finally. 

A ship was inbound and you both looked up to see the Wakanda guards lining up to greet it. The king was there with them as well. You look at Bucky. His eyes seemed to have brightened up at the sight of the ship. He grabs his gun. Then starts to walk over there. He's got a few feet before he turns to look back at you. As if he was hesitant to leave you alone. 

Looking past him you saw why he was so eager to greet who was on the ship. It was Steve Roger. You give him a wave. “Go, I'll be fine.” He nodded, turning on his heels to greet Steve. You watched as both he and Roger embraced in a hug. Now that Captain America was here the battle was about to start.

Chapter Text

Bucky and Steve walked along the path with T’Challa. Steve glanced at Bucky. Studying the face of his friend. “You look good, Buck.” 

“Thanks, Steve. I feel good. It’s nice here in Wakanda.” A silence spread over them, but once Bucky saw the look on Steve's face, he sighed, “What is it?” 

“Just curious, who were you talking to over there?” Steve said as he slowed his stride. Bucky chuckled. “Just a friend.”

“A friend, huh?” Steve nudges Bucky's shoulder playfully, “Come on, Buck. Tell me the details.”

Bucky shrugged, “There’s nothing to tell. We just talked.” As he said this, there was a ghost of a smile on his face. This didn't go unnoticed by his friend. 

“Are you going to ask her out?” Bucky stopped walking at the sudden question. Did he want to ask you out? He wasn't sure. You both had just met, but there was something about you that made him want to know more about you. 

Steve pats Bucky’s shoulder. “I know that look. You’re interested, huh?” The two men started walking again. “Even if I am Steve. I’m still trying to sort things out up here.” Bucky pointed to his head. His next words are low. Almost whispered “I’m not sure if I’m ready for all that.” Steve gave him a sympathetic look. “Hey, I get it. But don’t completely write it off.” 

“I did… promise to go to Coney Island after this is all over. It's a stupid thing now that I think about it.” Bucky murmured. His grip on his gun tightened. 

“What’s stupid about it?” 

Bucky sighed heavily, knowing Steve wasn’t going to let us go. “Coney Island has probably changed a lot since I’ve been there.” He said this quietly. 

Steve nodded. “A lot has changed since 1943, Buck. We have to keep rolling with the punches.” 

“Yeah. Sometimes those punches hurt harder than most.” Bucky stared out ahead of him. His mind started to wonder. He thought that maybe he shouldn’t entertain anything with you. Doubts start to creep in. It wasn’t until he heard Steve laugh did it knock him out of it. “What’s so funny?”  

“It's just I don't remember you ever being this nervous about hanging out with a woman.” Steve's casual comment about him took him off guard. Bucky used to be confident and a bit arrogant before everything. A ladies' man who could charm anyone. “That was a long time ago, Steve.” 

“Maybe so, but I know he’s still in there.” Steve stopped and sighed. “You’re still the same to me, Buck.” He gave Bucky a gentle squeeze on the shoulder before he turned to go into the building. Bucky watched him leave. Trying to pull back the emotions that were creeping in his chest. Steve Roger was a good man. Bucky’s best friend, regardless if he didn’t say it much, it meant a lot to him that he still saw Bucky for him. Not for Hydra’s Winter Soldier. Not for the killer he was forced to be, but for him. The same boy who enlisted in the war with the scrawny kid. 

Once Steve was out of sight, Bucky cleared his throat. He readjusted the strap of his gun and then walked off to find Sam. As he did, he found himself thinking back to you. The conversion was nice, but did he want to take that further? He was wary. Was it worth it? Regardless of how much Steve tried to reassure him, he wasn’t the same man. Not fully. He had trauma. A dangerous past. His mind still is recovering from the electric shock Hydra forced on him. There was a dull ache in his bones that he feared would never go away. 

He didn’t want to put that all on you. Still, he thinks about how easy it was to speak with you. To forget that they were here to help defend Earth and the universe. Bucky shook his head. He didn’t want to let his thoughts wander. Not when it was so close to the battle. 

It’s not something special; it was one interaction. He told himself.

Meanwhile, you were back at the same place where Bucky had left you. You checked your gun for the thousandth time, making sure it was working. Your nerves had calmed somewhat. Maybe it was the fact that Captain America was here. 

You tried taking a deep breath. Remembering all the training you’ve done. All the self-soothing techniques at your disposal. There was no time to be afraid. Standing on your feet, you sling your gun over your shoulder. Just as you did, the earpiece rang out with Sam’s voice.

“Hey Cap, we've got a situation out here.” 

A situation? That could only mean one thing. Looking up, you saw it. A huge structure falling from the sky aimed directly at the city. This is it. They are here. The structure came crashing into the shield over Wakanda. You breathe a sigh of relief when you hear Rhodey over the comms. “Don’t start celebrating just yet, guys. We got more incoming outside the dome!” 

It was all happening so fast. The Wakanda army was mobilizing on the borders of the shield. You saw planes flying, heading to evacuate the city as fast as they could. 

Running, you catching up to the ranks. Your years of training are kicking in as you fall in line. The battlefield was buzzing with a desperate energy. Keeping Vision away from Thanos was the main priority. Another few ships hit just outside the dome. Vibrating through the Earth. 

Gripping your gun tight you wait. That's all you could do. Is wait.

The doors on the massive ships lower and out pours the mindless army of Thanos. Beast like creatures thrashing and gnawing away at the shield. There was no regard for their own bodies as they threw themselves into the barrier. 

The bodies piled up but they just kept coming. A few even got through. Sam flew over head shooting them down with Red Wing that was your queue as well. You stepped forward, gun poised and pulled the trigger. Aiming for the alien beast best you can. The gun pushed against your shoulder. More and more started to come though. Snarling, mindless. It was Rhodey’s turn. He flew the line of the shield dropping napalm bombs. The heat touched your skin. 

The battlefield rang out with the chanting of Wakandan troops. You all sprint forward meeting the clash of the alien army as they open the shield. Bodies were everywhere. You tried to keep your head about you but it was difficult. Unworldly. 

A few beasts run your way and you dispatch them quickly. A third one comes sprinting as you raise your gun poised at its head when you hear it. Click. “Shit!” You curse, reaching for your hand gun at your hip. The beast slams into your chest. Knocking you prone with a heavy thud. You scramble to get to your feet. Hoping to avoid the jaw and claws. 

It grabs at your ankle, sinking the razor sharp claws into your calf as it drags you close to its face. You let out a scream then watch as it reels its other claw back. Just before it connects your turn to the side. Its claws catching your left shoulder. Searing pain burns it as you struggle to get your knife. 

Gritting your teeth you push through the pain. The beast thrashes against you. Trying to finish the job. The knife comes down hard into its arm but it doesn’t stop. Two shots quick, precise. Its blood is seeping on your face and mouth. Disgusting. You think as you push the dead body off of you. Bucky runs up quickly holding his hand out. “You alright?” 

Wincing you takes his hand. He pulls you up with a sense of urgency. “Yeah. Thank you.” Swiftly you grab your gun. “You’re bleeding.” Before you get a chance to look at your arm he’s by your side. Wrapping your left arm in a cloth from his pocket. The pain shoots through your body but you’re grateful for his quick thinking. You nod once he’s done and he stands back to back with you. “I’m out of ammo." 

Without looking at you he handed you his spare ammo. “Make every shot count.” 

“Got it!” The ammo clicks in place. Together you and Bucky stand back protecting each other's flanks. It felt natural falling in line together. He had your back and you had his. When your area was somewhat cleared he turned to you. Panting slightly from the adrenaline in his veins. Your eyes meet nodding. The battlefield was shifting. Thor was here and the number of the other side were dwindling. Steve and T’Challa were sprinting to the forest. You saw Bucky’s gaze following them. He moved automatically.

He pauses for a moment looking back at you. Almost like he remembered you were there. There was a soft glint in his eyes. “I have to back him up.” He doesn’t say his name but you know he’s talking about Steve. “We got it here. Go.” You saw him smile slightly then the look of determination masked over it. Bucky took off after Steve. 

It's most certainly not calm now but the energy is dwindling. You rush off to help others. For a moment you have hope. Hope that you can do this. Captain American, King T’Challa, Thor Odinson, Wanda Maximoff. Bruce Banner and Bucky Barnes. There's no way you can lose this right? 

You’re near the forest line where they were fighting. Glancing up you saw the lightning from Thor. The hairs on your neck stood with the electricity. He disappears into the tree line then you feel it. A low rumbling of thunder. An eerie silence. It was as if the wind ceased. Your feet move because you need to do something. A twisted gut feeling spreads over you. Your feet move faster. 

You come to a clearing Steve Rogers on the ground looking confused. He holds his chest before standing. 

“Steve?” 

You both turn your head in the direction of Bucky’s voice. He takes a step forward looking at his arm before falling. Only he doesn't hit the ground. His body turns to dust. Blending into the dirt at your feet. 

You lost.