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Chapter Text

Arin was bad at reading people. He realized that, just too late.

—

Arin sat curled up in the cave, waiting for Ras to return from his "errand" He hadn't told Arin what it was and Arin didn't ask. Not cause he wasn't curious but he was scared to.

He leaned his chin on his badly scraped knees. His whole body ached and he tried to ignore the pain as good as humanly possible, but it was hard.

I am just not strong enough. He told himself, but he knew that it was because of his body not getting what it needed to function correctly.

Arin blew his dirty hair out of his face and sighed, tears pricking at his eyes. No! I can't cry! It's a sign of weakness! He told himself angrily but a rebellious tear slipped down his cheek anyways, creating a path through the dirt, grime and blood covering his cheek.

He moved his arm slightly and frowned at the pain, rolling up his sleeve. On the arm was a still bleeding claw mark. He looked at it, it was printed on his arm as a punishment for being weak yet again.

"If you are weak then you'll never see your parents!"

Ras words lingered in his mind, clawing at his conscience and making him wanna throw up. He let his arm fall and curled up even more. He knew that he should be training but if he didn't rest then he would fall over.

But if I don't train then I'll never be strong enough! He told himself and leaned his forehead on his knees. He had a headache and gripped his hair in a hard grip. He felt horrible, but he deserved it, for all the pain he caused the ninja.

The ninja was painful to think about. It was hard to believe that he once excitedly chatted about them to Sora and his parents. Thinking about Sora hurt even more and his parents weren't much better. Arin made a sound between a sigh and a sniffle, curling up on himself.

He hated this. All of it.

He hated everyone.

He hated his parents for leaving him behind.

He hated Ras for giving him hope and lies.

He hated Lloyd for forgetting about him.

He hated Sora for lying to him.

He hated Wyldfyre for going along with all the lies.

He hated Kai for leaving.

He hated Cole for his caring nature.

He hated Nya for her sisterly instincts.

He hated Zane for his calm demanur

He hated Riyu for bringing him into this

He hated himself for existing.

—

Arin hadn't realized he'd cried until he lifted his head again and tear stains were on his face. He desperately wiped them, Ras couldn't see them, he just couldn't!

Arin closed his eyes and leaned backwards. What did he ever to do the Cloud Kingdom? He saved them. They should be thanking him! He clenched his fists in anger.

Arin stood up and grabbed a rock from the ground, ignoring the pain in his limbs. He exited the cave with a hard expression and threw teh rock as hard as he could. In the air it started spinning, but it wasn't object spinjitzu. It was shatterspin.

The rock blasted into a tree, blowing a big hole in it. Not good enough! He told himself and glared at the tree with all the anger he could muster. This is what Ras meant, taking his anger and using it as a strength.

He picked up a second rock and threw it at a second tree. A bigger hole appeared, but it wasn't not good enough!

He threw a third rock, not good enough.

A fourth, not good enough.

A fifth, not good enough.

A sixth, not good enough.

A seventh, not good enough.

A eighth, not good enough.

A ninth, not good enough.

A tenth, not good enough!

Arin screamed in frustration and threw an eleventh, blowing the tree off its roots. He was panting and his body felt like it might collapse. He leaned on his knees and breathed. Tears started pricking at his eyes.

Every time he threw a rock, he felt his soul slowly shattering, slowly breaking.

But then, he was maybe already broken before. He is just taking up the title from the back of his mind. He probably always knew that he wasn't mean to be a ninja, he just wished for it.

The ninja were his hero's, until he saw the depths. That life wasn't in black and white, only shades of grey. The ninja were the lightest shade and Arin was the darkest.

—

He jumped when he heard a stick break. He spun around with a rock in hand. Someone was moving in the forest. For a second Arin thought that it might be Lloyd or Sora, but he then realized what he was, a traitor, they wouldn't look for him. Why would they?

Ras emerged from the woods and Arin had to suppress a shudder. He was scared. Ras looked around at the trees and didn't say anything, he apparently had nothing to say as Arin trained and didn't rest.

"Arin."

Arin froze for a second, then turned towards Ras. "I need you to come with me for something." He said and Arin grew both curious and scared.

"For what?" Arin couldn't stop his question until it already left his mouth. Ras sent him a cold look and Arin looked down in fear. He was almost certainly going to punish him for the question.

Ras however didn't say anything for a moment. "That's not for you to know. The only thing you need to know is that if you fail, you will regret it." Ras warned, stepping closer to Arin, who had to repress the urge to curl up into a ball.

Ras was a few centimeters away from him. "Look at me." He said coldly and Arin looked up, hoping his fear didn't show. It probably did, from Ras expression.

"You are weak. Do you understand? The only reason you are coming with me is because you are clearly into improving, maybe even getting worse! Prove yourself to me soon, or I might change my mind on finding your parents."

Arin had to repress the urge to cry. He nodded. "I won't disappoint you." Arin said and Ras grabbed his arm, his claw digging into Aron's arm. Arin bit his tongue to not scream from the pain. Maybe he stepped over a border? Maybe Ras was finally going to get rid of him?

"You already have disappointed me, don't to it again." Ras voice was ice cold and let go of Arin, then walked into the cave. Arin arm dripped blood and he gripped it with his left arm. Ras didn't kill him.

Arin almost wished he did.

Chapter Text

Arin sat in the cave, watching the flames dance in the fire. They reminded him of Kai and Wyldfyre, so he looked away. His eyes instead fell on his bag. Inside wasn't much, only his old ninja suit and a knife. He wasn't sure why he kept the suit, it just pained him.

I should throw it in the fire. He thought, but made no move to do so. Burning the suit would probably pain him more than keeping it, no matter the anger.

Ras was cleaning a blade on the other side of the cave. He had let Arin take a break, but only because he needed him during their secret mission. Arin didn't blame him, he needed to be strong, it was the only way to find his parents! He leaned against the wall, not sure what to do with himself.

He hated the ninja, but also longed for them. Their jokes, the feeling of safety and love. He hated Ras as well, but he needed him to find his parents as the ninja couldn't do that. His mind was torn, like everything else.

—

Arin laid on the rock floor, shivering from the cold and pain, even if he tried to fight it. If Ras saw it, he would be punished. Showing any weakness would be punished. Arin wondered vaguely what the ninja were doing.

Were they sleeping or were they on a mission? Maybe they were up, playing a game or just chatting. He almost cried when he could barely remember what hanging out with the ninja was like. How it felt. He only remembered the feeling of never fitting in, the only one without an elemental power, the only one who couldn't do anything right.

The failure.

The traitor.

Arin pressed a hand to his mouth, desperately trying to stay silent. He suddenly missed his mother. She knew how to take care of him when he cried. She would sing and hug him. It felt so distant that Arin almost screamed in frustration. He was too weak, too weak to find her.

Too weak for anything.

Arin closed his eyes and focused on his breathing. One breath out, one breath in. He repeated this process until he fell asleep, with tears staining his cheeks, hidden away from the world.

—

Arin followed Ras through the woods. Ras walked in front of him, his hammer in hand. Arin wasn't sure if he meant to hit trees on the way or if he was just trying to scare Arin. If it was the case, then it worked.

Arin wasn't new to pain, but getting hit with the hammer just hit differently. He broke two ribs from it and got a concussion. Yet he still trained! He couldn't rest! He wasn't sure if the hammer was magical or Ras was just strong. He's stronger than you, thats for sure. He told himself and tightened his grip on his katana.

Ras led him to a grove with a jet in the middle. Ras jumped in and Arin took it as his sign to follow. He sat down on the backseat. He didn't dare to ask where they were going, his arm throbbing in pain still, reminding him of Ras claws from the day before.

Arin looked out the window as the jet started up and flew away in a high speed. He picked at his all black suit. Ras had given him some black suit, he wasn't sure why he couldn't wear his old. His side sent a wave of pain at him as a reminder to not ask next time. The hood hung over his head and he leaned his head in his hand.

"Follow my directions or you will regret it." Ras suddenly said, scaring Arin half to death. "Yes." Arin mumbled and silently cursed himself at his weak tone. Ras sent him a cold look, but didn't speak, nor do anything else. Probably not being able to leave the controls.

Arin wondered on where they were going and what they were going to do, but he wasn't going to ask. He was suddenly hit with a wave of Deja Vu from when he went on his first mission with the ninja, it felt so long ago. Arin clenched his fists to not punch anything.

He looked out and noticed they were nearing a city. He didn't recognize it, suspecting they were in a different realm. He hadn't had the time to discover the different realms so he couldn't help but be curious. Ras however didn't say anything and started going in for a landing. Arin was pressed back slightly but nothing else.

—

Ras landed the jet and stepped out, Arin following his lead. Ras glared at him and gestured for him to follow. Arin wasn't sure where they were going but followed anyhow.

As they walked Arin couldn't help but think on what had happened lately, he'd not had anytime to process as he had been training all the time. Probably for good cause, so I wouldn't be distracted. Arin thought, looking at the back of Ras.

He thought back to the blood moon. How Sora faked his success for her own gain. How Lloyd almost ignored him as a whole in the tournament when he came with theories. How the ninja got distracted all the time from finding his parents. He clenched his fists. He hated them, but how he missed them.

He missed almost everything about it and he felt his nails dig into his palm as he tightened his grip.

No! I don't miss them! Caring is a weakness! He told himself and got the urge to hit himself in the head. Instead he focused on his anger f0r the ninja to stay strong. To not be weak.

—

The duo entered the city with Arin looking around curiously, he couldn't help it, he'd never been there. Ras grumbled and pushed through anyone that got in his way. They seemed to be heading towards the poorer districts. Arin was still curious on why they were here. Ras gave him no answers to his silent question.

They entered the district and Ras walked up to a wall, to Aron's confusion. He put his hammer on his back and started climbing the wall. Arin raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything.

Ras glared at him from above, clearly telling Arin to follow. Arin, who wasn't the best climber, grew nervous. He had used his grappling hook to climb and that was still at the monastery. He had no choice but to try and started climbing. He tried to focus on his anger rather than his fear as he climbed.

Ras gave him a disappointed look and a glare when he arrived, clearly not impressed, nor happy with his climbing. Arin looked down as Ras walked towards the edge of the building on the opposite side. Arin tilted his head, having no idea on what they were doing. Ras then smiled cruelly as he spotted something.

Arin walked over and looked, his heart sinking and stopping at the same time. Down in the market, doing something, was Lloyd.

Arin blinked away tears and clenched his fists. "Why is he here?" Arin eventually asked. "Some mission for the ninja and I have a mission for you as well." Ras answered, still smirking. "Okay." Arin said and Ras looked down at Lloyd.

"Kill him."

Arin heart definitely stopped now. He couldn't say anything. "Kill him?" He asked and Ras nodded, grabbing his arm in a tight grip. Arin almost bit through his tongue to not scream.

"It's your one chance to prove yourself to me, otherwise I have no use of you and you'll never see your parents again."

Arin pressed his lips together and looked down at Lloyd. The blonde was walking with his sword on his back, seemingly looking for something. Arin wanted to refuse but anger bubbled up to the surface. He should pay for all his lies! Arin told himself and clenched his fists even harder.

But he is a good guy! He is trying to help people!

He didn't help us, why should we spare him!?

Arin bit his lip then looked at Ras. He could barely keep in tears when he spoke.

"I'll do it."

Chapter Text

Ras stayed on the roof as Arin followed Lloyd through the town. He had seemingly not noticed being followed as he continued walking and even while being weary of his surroundings he didn't see Arin.

Arin had his lips tightly pressed together, now he understood why he was wearing a new black outfit, to not be recognized. Arin hated what he had to do and at the same time didn't.

One part of him told him that Lloyd didn't deserve this, the old part of him. The kid that saw the ninja as heroes and tried to become one of them.

But the slowly shattering Arin told himself otherwise. The new Arin, the one who knew the truth. Lloyd deserved this for everything he had done.

—

Arin bit his lip as Lloyd walked towards a forest to the edge of the city. He still wasn't sure where Lloyd was heading.

Arin kept behind trees as he followed the green ninja through the woods. Lloyd passed a tree. And disappeared.

Arin blinked and started panicking. No! If I don't find him Ras will kill me! He gripped his face and tried to slow his breathing down. No, just find Lloyd and I'll be fine.

He looked again and didn't find the ninja. He breathed out and quickly took a place somewhere else, peeking to where Lloyd had been only a second ago from a different angle.

Then he heard a rustling from above him and just rolled out of the way for the green ninja as he landed. Arin quickly got on his feet with a frown underneath his mask, the rolling hurt his ribs. Lloyd had his mask on and his green eyes shone.

"You really thought I wouldn't notice someone following me?" He asked and Arin said nothing, hearing Lloyds voice made him wanna cry. "Who are you? Who are you working for?" Arin didn't answer and with a heavy heart, jumped towards Lloyd.

—

The green ninja easily dodged his attack and Arin swiped at him with his sword, actually slicing Lloyds arm in the process. Lloyd hissed in pain and attacked him. Arin blocked with his sword and tried swiping Lloyds feet away.

Lloyd jumped over him, kicking him in the back, making Arin cry out in pain as he fell to the ground. He quickly rolled out of the way of Lloyd again and grabbed a handful of dirt on the way.

When Lloyd jumped the next time, he threw the dirt in Lloyds face, making the blonde cry out, trying to rub the dirt from his eyes.

A part of Arin was smirking at Lloyds pain while the other wanted to help him. Arin tried to ignore the old Arin screaming at him to stop and used as much anger as he could, then punched Lloyd's in the face, making the green ninja cry out in pain again as Arin heard a crack, most likely from Lloyds nose breaking.

Lloyd recovered with red eyes from the dirt and his nose had blood pouring out of it. He quickly swiped at Arin, with him not moving fast enough, his side being slashed. The same place that Ras scratched him with his claws. Arin felt tears grow in his eyes now, both from the physical pain and the mental one mixing into one.

In anger, Arin slashed at Lloyd and if Lloyd had not moved he might have lost an arm. Arin kicked his shin and when Lloyd jumped to dodge it, he slashed the blondes leg with his sword, digging deep and making blood flood out.

Arin wasn't sure if he felt relief or fear at the red liquid coloring Lloyds gi the color of Kai's.

Lloyd grabbed the wound with a sound of pain. Arin took his bent over state to his advantage and kneed Lloyd in the stomach making the green ninja lose his breath and almost fall over.

Either he pushed through the pain or faked it because he quickly kicked Aron's side where he had been slashed, making Arin cry out in pain again. Then Lloyds fist collided with his face and pain colored his vision white. Arin felt his nose breaking at the punch and blood colored the front of his outfit red.

He screamed out in pain and clutched his nose as he fell to the ground again, his breath leaving him as his back hit the ground. Lloyd looked surprised at his own anger, but it just made Aron's anger grow at the green ninjas clueless face.

Arin quickly got to his feet, almost falling over from the pain making him dizzy.

He tried kicking Lloyd in the stomach again but Lloyd dodged and Arin lunched for his katana. Lloyd pounced and landed on him, holding him down. Arin angrily kicked him but it was to no use.

He then smashed their head together making pain flare up in his head as Lloyd cried out in pain as Arin's head collided with the blonde broken nose. Arin kicked him off, slashing him with the sword over the chest, his gi going from green to red. Arin rolled backwards and onto his feet, holding his katana tightly.

Lloyd landed on the ground a few meters away, Arin not realizing how strong his kick was. Lloyd quickly got up but leaned on one of his legs, the one that wasn't bleeding.

Lloyd gripped his nose and looked at Arin. Lloyds mask had fallen off, as well as his hood, making his blonde hair caked in blood and dirt, his green eyes shining in determination and slight fear, hidden behind his eyes. "Who are you!?" Lloyd yelled, holding his katana with his right hand.

Arin just jumped again and Lloyd rolled but cried out in pain yet again, his ribs seemingly broken. Lloyd did spinjitzu, making Arin fly into a tree. Arin screamed as his ribs made his chest feel like it was on fire, tears springing to his eyes. Lloyd stopped spinning, probably his worst mistake yet.

Arin's hand found a rock and he got to his feet, using all his strength throwing it. In the air, the red and purple shatterspin appeared. Lloyds eyes widened. That was all he had time to do as the rock collided with his bleeding chest, throwing the ninja back into a tree, screaming.

Arin quickly got to his feet and took in the sight.

Lloyd back was against a tree, his chest bleeding even worse. His face was red from the blood still pouring from his nose and the skin underneath was pale. His eyes were half open, the irises looking weirdly, probably from a concussion. He was looking at Arin with a weird expression.

Arin grabbed his katana, quickly putting it against Lloyds throat. "H-how did you do that?" Lloyd said in a weak voice. Arin didn't say anything but felt his resolve crumbling. He had to fight tears. Lloyd looked at him as well as he could in his beat up state. "The only thing close to that is object spinjitzu."

Arin saw the exact moment Lloyd realized who was under the mask. His face filled with pain and sadness. "A-Arin?"

—

Arin didn't say anything but his hand was shaking, Lloyd seemingly noticing. Arin saw the determination leave his eyes. "Why? Why Arin?" He asked and Arin tried not to cry.

"I-I have to. I have to kill you." The words felt bitter and he tried not to cry. Lloyd didn't move for a moment, then to Arin's horror, he just leaned backwards.

"Okay."

"What?" Arin's voice was thin and cracked. Lloyd just looked at him. "It's fine Arin." He said, a faint smile touching his lips and Arin choked.

"I understand." He said and Arin saw tears build up in the green ninjas eyes. Arin's hand holding the katana shook and he tried to find some insincerity in Lloyds face. All he found was regret and sadness. He wanted to scream and cry at the same time, but he just couldn't.

Arin tried to stay strong and not cry.

But he wasn't strong.

He was weak.

Arin screamed and threw the katana as far away as he could. He stumbled backwards, his hands over his face. He wasn't strong enough. He wasn't strong enough.

He wasn't strong enough!

Arin couldn't speak, trying not to sob.

"How disappointing."

Chapter Text

"How disappointing."

Arin jumped and saw Ras emerge, he had most likely seen the whole fight. He looked furious. "Can't you do anything right!? You're weak, that much is obvious!" He screamed at Arin and fear grew in Arins chest. Ras had his hammer in his hands.

"I had hope you would do this but you are clearly not string enough, can't say I am surprised." He had a lower tone, a more dangerous tone. He gripped Arin's arm, making him cry out in pain.

"I had hoped you would leave this behind, but I see that I was wrong. You are weak. You will never find your parents and I have no use of you anymore." Ras pulled back his arm, slashing Arins arm even worse. Arin saw his hands grip his hammer and Arin knew he was going to die.

But fate had different plans as a green orb hit Ras hard in the chest, just before he brought the hammer down, making him fly back, but he quickly got to his feet. Arin covered his head and curled up in a ball and sneaked a glance behind him.

Lloyd was standing again, this time his eyes angry. "Step. Back." He had an almost scarier tone. Arin wasn't sure what to do.

Ras laughed. "What are you going to do? You got beat up by a weak kid, green ninja. You wont win over me in a hurt state." Ras arrogance was his mistake and Arin saw Lloyd snap.

"Say what you want about me, but mention Arin or anyone else and you will regret it, hurt or not." The tone was almost, distorted, like Lloyd wasn't fully in control. Ras laughed, but it didn't last long as he just dodged a green orb of energy from decapitating him, or blowing his head up, Arin wasn't sure how it worked.

Lloyds eyes were not green, but purple. Arin's heart stopped, he had heard about this, Lloyd being related to oni. But it had been a rumor in Ninjago more than anything, but it seemed true now when Arin saw it himself.

Lloyd seemed to have forgotten about any pain and angrily lunged at Ras, the tiger barely dodging. Arin hid his head on his knees. He heard a cry from Ras, then retreating steps and nothing.

Arin didn't look up and was trying to not sob. He heard soft steps on the forest floor.

"Arin?"

Arin looked up slightly and was met with Lloyds green eyes. Any moment he could snap and kill me. Arin thought for himself and panicked when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He flung himself backwards, ignoring the pain. "Don't touch me!" He yelled in panic and curled up on himself.

He was having trouble breathing through his panic. All he heard was Weak.
Weak
Weak
Weak
Weak
Weak
Weak
WEAK!

He then saw a pair of worried green eyes through the haze and a panicked face. Weak. "A-in, p-lea- b-rea-!" He could barely make out the words. Weak.

Just ten he felt a hand on his shoulder and he screamed, in fear not pain. Weak.

The hands didn't move as he kicked straight forward, only a grunt from the kick. Weak.

He saw a red liquid drop onto the ground. Weak.

Where was he? Weak

Oh right in the woods of a random realm. Weak

What was he doing here? Weak

To kill Lloyd. Weak

Wait Lloyd?! Weak.

The haze dropped and he saw Lloyd more clearly. Weak. His nose was broken. How did that happen? Oh right, Arin broke it, broke it like everything else he touches. Lloyd had his hands on the boys shoulder, his face worried.

"Breathe."

Lloyds voice shone through his inner screams and Arin tried to breathe. It was such a simple thing, yet so hard to do. Arin was suddenly aware of the pain all over his body and the tears pouring down his cheeks.

"L-Lloyd."

Lloyd eyes widened and he smiled as well as he could with a broken nose. Arin felt a sob grow up as he realized that Lloyd had to be lying. He wasn't safe here, he wasn't safe anywhere. A crippling fear clawed its way into Arins mind. What if Lloyd hurt him?

Arin looked at the worried face of Lloyd.

"Are-are you going to hurt me?"

Lloyds face fell, either he was surprised that Arin figured him out or didn't expect the question. "What? No Arin, no. I am not going to hurt you." He assured Arin, but Arin didn't believe him.

"Why not? I was going to kill you! Kill!" Arin yelled as good as he could, his voice cracking.

"But you didn't. Arin I promise I am not going to hurt you." He promised and Arin wanted to die right there and then. "But you broke promises before." He was aware at how much of a child he sounded like. Lloyds eyes closed, he looked close to tears.

"And I regret it. So bad! I-I am sorry Arin. I should have taken your thoughts into mind more, listened more. I didn't realize how much of a difference you made until you were already gone."

Arin was stunned and wanted to cry harder. He felt a sob rack his body and then another.

He surprised Lloyd and himself by throwing himself into Lloyds arms, throwing his own arms around the blonde and crying. Lloyd seemed frozen but the blonde didn't take long to wrap his arms around the smaller boy.

Arin gripped onto Lloyd like he was going to disappear if he let go. "I'm sorry." Arin whispered through his sobs and he felt Lloyds arms tighten around him, his hand going into Arin's hair.

"I am so sorry." Arin mumbled into his shoulder between his sobs. Lloyd just let his fingers run through Arin's hair.

"I know."

—

Arin didn't let go of Lloyd for a long time and Lloyd didn't let go of him either. Arin hated feeling this vulnerable and weak, but he just couldn't bring himself to let go. Arin then remembered Lloyds injuries and pulled back.

His eyes trailed down to Lloyds chest, which was covered in blood. "You need help." Arin said. "So do you." Lloyd answered and fear ran through Arin's body again. "Come back Arin, please. It's not the same, we all know that."

We.

"They hate me." Arin answered, tears starting to run again. "I messed up and payed the price for it!" He exclaimed with a cracked voice. Lloyd grabbed his hands and Arin looked up.

"They don't hate you, they miss you. We all felt the empty space you left behind." Lloyd argued. "Me and Sora especially." Arin's throat tightened at the thought of his former best friend.

"She has barely slept since you left." Arin felt enormous guilt for Soras pain. "She shouldn't have to pay the price for my actions." He whispered and Lloyd gripped his hands harder.

"Then come back. Arin please, no one hates you. No. One. Does." Arin didn't believe him and looked down. He felt Lloyds hand on his cheek and looked up again. "Arin, please."

Arin sighed. "I-I don't know, I don't think I it's the best thing." He said and was hit with a wave of nausea. Lloyd noticed. "Please at least go there to heal, you can decide later." He asked, or rather begged Arin.

Arin wasn't sure if he regretted nodding or not.

Chapter Text

Arin helped Lloyd walk as his leg had been badly slashed. He ignored his own pain and focused on Lloyds breathing. It came out labored and in short spans. He looked down at Lloyds leg and felt a sting of guilt, he caused Lloyds pain, both physical and mental.

"Arin?"

He looked up at Lloyds pale face. "You seem...spaced out." Lloyd said, clearly not sure on what to say. "Oh, just...thinking really." Arin answered as he led Lloyd towards where he apparently had a mech parked. "Hm." Lloyd hummed but it came out as a pained sound.

Arin looked down. "It's my fault you're hurt, why would you want me to come with you?" Arin asked.

"Cause I care about you."

Arin was startled by the answer and his head snapped towards Lloyd. "And I am sorry if I never showed it." Arin was silent, not sure what to say. He wanted to be angry at Lloyd for it, and he was. But not as much as he wished.

Arin kept his arm over Lloyds shoulder and tried not to think too much on his decision to come with Lloyd. The only reason is to heal, then I am leaving. Arin told himself. "Are you not in pain?" He looked at Lloyd again. "I mean, I beat you up pretty bad." Lloyd said regretfully. Arin for a second contemplated telling the truth.

No I am not okay.

"No, I am fine."

—

The mech was a big robot that Arin suspected Sora built as he didn't recognize it. "Um, how do we get up?" Arin asked, looking at the pilot area, far above them. Lloyd reached into his pocket and pulled out a remote, making the mech lean down so they could enter. "Oh. That's how." Arin said and helped Lloyd take a seat at the back.

Arin looked at the controls. He didn't remember how to control a mech anymore. He bit his lip to not do something he might regret.

"You okay back there?" Arin asked to give him more time to remember. "Yep." Lloyd answered shortly, clearly in pain. Arin pressed a button, hoping to do right.

The mech stood up again and Arin blinked, surprising himself. He pressed a second button and the mech flew off, pushing Arin back in his seat for a second until it flew.

"Is it automatic?" Arin asked. "Yep." He looked back at Lloyd, he was more pale. Arin felt a cold hand clench his heart. He climbed back to Lloyd. "Do you have any first aid here?" He asked and Lloyd nodded towards a cabinet to his left. Arin opened it and grabbed some disinfectant and bandages.

"What are you doing?" Lloyd asked and Arin sent him a look. "Trying to help." He answered and regretted his words. Help is weak. He closed his eyes for a second, then put the disinfectant on a piece of paper. "Might sting." He warned and put it on Lloyds worst wound, the one on his chest. Lloyd winced but stayed still.

—

Arin silently dabbed the wound and wasn't sure what to do next. He moved to his leg wound and dabbed it as well. The bandages only was enough for one wound, the one on his leg. He tried to wrap it as well as he could but his hands were shaking.

"Arin."

He looked up from his work. "I need to ask something." Arin nodded, the silently cursed his good. "What happened to your object spinjitzu?"

Arin's hands stopped wrapping Lloyds leg. "I-I don't know. It was replaced." He said then panic entered his mind. "Don't tell the others!" He exclaimed in slight panic.

"Please."

He hated saying please, it was a sign of weakness but he had to get through to Lloyd. "Okay, when you're ready." Arin frowned, he wasn't planning on staying, Lloyd had to understand that.

He noticed Lloyds eyelids dropping. "Lloyd stay awake, a concussion is worse if you fall asleep." He said and Lloyd hummed. "I am trying." He argued, the stubborn side of Lloyd shining through. Arin frowned and finished wrapping. It was not the best but it was only temporary. "Zane can fix it later."

Arin's fear came back, he had barely thought about how the others would react. "Lloyd." The green ninja looked at him through half lidded eyes. "Can we keep our fight to ourselves?" He asked and Lloyd fell silent.

"It's our little secret."

Arin breathed out silently and leaned against the wall with his arms around his legs. His chin rested on his knees and he sighed, looking away from Lloyd.

He was back with his thoughts. He was weak for accepting help, weak for crying, for everything under the last 24 hours. And whose fault is it, I'll never see my parents again, they are really gone now. Arin swallowed thickly, all hope was lost for his parents, Ras held the answer and he was far away.

He hated the ninja, no denying that, but he also cared for them just as much. Sometimes the hatred was stronger, sometimes the care was stronger. He cursed his weak mind and weak personality. He wasn't the same kid he used to be, not anymore.

That kid died with the betrayals. One stab for each ninja, for each one of his former friends.

—

Arin sat in the pilots seat and saw as the landscape flew by. Lloyd was awake, but just barely. Arin yet again felt a sting of guilt, if he died, then he would have completed his mission, without wanting to. Just then he recognized the mountains, they surrounded the Monastery.

The monastery itself came into view and Arin's heart almost stopped. "You're home now." Arin said looking back at Lloyd. It was Lloyds home, not his own.

Lloyd hummed, trying to stand. Arin quickly caught him, making sure he didn't fall flat on his face. Lloyd mumbled a thanks as the mech landed and leaned down. Arin wasn't sure what to be expecting.

Just then Lloyd walked, on his own to Arins surprise and exited the mech as the door opened. Arin felt his nerves grow as he heard steps exiting the Monastery.

"Lloyd! FSM! What happened!?" Arin heard Nya exclaim.

"Ras."

Arin was surprised at how well Lloyd suddenly lied, he was always a bad liar, maybe he wasn't fully lying on the other hand. But it also worried, if he suddenly lied that good, then what's there not to say that he lied to Arin and he was a fool to believe it.

"That manipulative tiger is going's down, right now!" He heard Kai angrily exclaim. Arin's fear grew what if Kai knew it was him who did it? Would he kill him?

"How did you get away?"

"Did you kick his butt?!"

Sora and Wyldfyre. Just hearing their voice hurt. But Arin felt close to passing out, not just from fear, but from pain of his fight as well. Weak.

"No I did not kick his butt, we just barely got away." Lloyd finally spoke again. It was silent for a moment. "We? Who else is here?" Cole asked suddenly and Arin almost passed out. He took a breath, he couldn't hide forever, even if he wished he could. So he took the last steps to the door and just stopped.

—

Arin looked at the ninja gathered. All of them were there, even Riyu. His eyes fell on Sora. Lloyd wasn't lying when he had said that she had barely slept. Her hair was ruffled and she had bags under her eyes, which were wide in disbelief.

The ninja looked at him and he felt guilt and anger rise to the surface.

"A-Arin?"

She froze at Sora's light voice, she almost whispered, like she was afraid to scare him away. He didn't react for a second, his mind trying to not break. He desperately fought tears but one escaped, slipping down his cheek.

"H-hi."

She seemed to come to the realization that he was real and before he could process it, she wrapped him in a hug.

He froze and made a sound of surprise and pain, his arm and side still hurt. "You came back." She mumbled into his shoulder. Not for long. Arin thought painfully. He refused to cry but hugged her back, with less enthusiasm and a frozen expression of regret.

He really was weak, wasn't he?

Chapter Text

Arin mind was fuzzy.

He wasn't sure how he ended up in this situation, at all really. He remembered Sora hugging him, then nothing. It was all lost, blank.

Arin opened his eyes and was met with a strong white light. He quickly shut his eyes and gave off a weird sound of pain. He squinted and carefully looked around.

He was in a room with four beds, and in one of them laid. Lloyd. Arin panicked as he remembered where he was. I am at the monastery! FSM! I need to leave! I can't stay! I can't-

His mind was cut off by the door opening and Zane entered. He looked mildly surprised at Arin being awake. "You're awake, good." The nindroid said. "How are you feeling?" Arin looked away with a frown. "I feel fine, can I leave?" He asked immediately, cursing silently at his voice breaking

"That would be unwise, you are in no condition of running away, nor walking away."

Arin silently cursed the nindroid and looked back with a glare. "I am not staying." He said. "I am only here to bring Lloyd back, I have no plans of staying." He declared and Zane shot him an unreadable look.

"I would suspect that would make your mental state worse. Not yours only, Sora and Lloyds as well." He said, to Arin's surprise. "It's not that bad, they'll get over it." He said. "They have not gotten over it for three months, I suspect they won't get over it now."

Arin's mind started spinning. Three months? He was gone, on the run, for three months? He started panicking, his hands grabbing his hair. All he heard was voices, yet he heard nothing.

He was training to not be useless for three months, yet he was still useless. Three moths being useless and weak.

He breathed in short gasps. "No, no, no, no." He repeated over and over as he gripped his hair even harder. He jumped when he felt a cold hand on his shoulder and almost screamed in fear. "Don't hurt me!" He exclaimed, curling up into a ball, ready for a hit.

It never came and he looked up with scared eyes. Zane was close to his face, but not so close so it would be scary. "I am not going to hurt you Arin." Zane told him. "Why not?" Arin asked, his voice cracking.

Weak.

"You haven't done anything."

Arin's heart fell. He had. Lloyd was in the hospital bed because of him, not Ras.

But Zane didn't know that. Arin reminded himself.

Arin sniffled, looking away. Weak. He heard Zane sigh. "Arin, can you look at me?" Arin's fear grew. He stepped over a boundary, didn't he?

He looked at Zanes calm ice blue eyes. "I am not hurting you and neither are anyone else here. They have all asked me at least once how you are doing." Arin's confusion appeared and a small part of his fear disappeared. "Why? Why would they care?" He asked in confusion.

"Because we all care."

There it was again, care. It felt foreign to Arin now, like a language he knew but forgot.

A lost language.

Arin didn't know how to care anymore, nor what being cared for was like.

"You shouldn't." He simply said and fell silent. Zane sighed, sounding slightly disappointed. "Alright, but we still do." Arin didn't say anything, keeping silent. Zane seemed to understand that he wouldn't speak again and stood.

"I will check on you in an hour. Don't try to leave, the door is locked." Arin cursed the nindroid's mind as he left and locked the door. Arin curled up on himself. He was the misfit again. The lost cause.

And he despised it.

—

The infirmary was silent, too silent for Arin's taste. It just made him stuck with his own mind and thoughts. The only sound was his own breathing and Lloyds breathing.

The green ninja had been passed out ever since Arin woke up and it annoyed Arin, but also made him grateful, as Lloyd could not see the fragile mental state he was in.

Arin was curled up into a ball on his bed, his cover over his legs and he tried not to panic. Weak. Ras was going to kill him for being this weak. Maybe I should spare him the trouble. Arin's mind told him and he hugged his legs even harder. No, he couldn't give up yet, he had to find his parents, no matter the cost.

But what if the cost was his own humanity? He felt a tear slip out of his eye against his will, making a small oval shape on his cover. He quickly wiped it and looked around, if anyone saw it, even though it was only him and a passed out Lloyd in the room. Weak.

His mind was fighting itself and Arin gripped the covers so hard that his knuckled turned white. Weak. He tried to ignore his own mind, but couldn't do it.

It was screaming too loud.

He raised his hands and gripped his hair in a tight grip, trying to direct his mind elsewhere as he closed his eyes. It somehow made it worse as he cringed at the pain in his hair and side.

Weak. I am weak.

He told himself that over and over, tying to force his mind to accept the truth, he is weak, had always been weak and would always be weak, no matter the situation.

He wasn't sure accepting it made it worse or better.

Either way, he let go of his hair, not sure how much time had passed or that he had in fact been crying, noticed by his wet cheeks. He refused to let anymore fall as he wiped his cheeks from anymore rebellious tears. He took a deep breath, trying to compose himself.

Just then he heard the lock being twisted and the door being opened.

Zane stepped inside and Arin frowned, of course he would show up now.

"How are you feeling Arin?" He asked Arin calmly and softly. Arin wanted to yell at him for his soft tone. "I am fine, I told you that before." Arin answered in an annoyed tone.

"I know, but that was then, I am asking now." Zane answered and Arin glared at him.

"The answer remains the same."

Zane hummed and put down a tray with something on it. Arin looked and spotted a water glass and a bowl of soup, together with a spoon. "I have noticed that you are malnourished and dehydrated." Zane said.

"And I can't imagine Ras gave you much food."

Arin froze at the mention of the tiger, fear gripping his chest again. Don't be stupid Arin, he isn't here. He told himself. "I needed to toughen up." Arin answered. "You can't grow stronger without any food, nor water." Zane calmly answered, making Arin wanna throw the tray in his face.

Zane turned and walked over to Lloyds bed, seemingly checking him as well. Arin looked away, not wanting to be reminded of his own actions. He looked at the soup and water. He was hungry, he couldn't deny that, but he also didn't want to eat.

Why do all my decisions have to be so complicated? Arin frowned, looking down at his hands instead. But that reminded him of his actions.

Looking at the clock would remind him of how long he was gone.

The food and water at how weak he was.

Lloyd, his actions.

His hands, his actions.

Every single thing reminded him of his mistakes and failures.

Zane left the room, making sure to lock and Arin hugged his legs again and leaned his chin on his knees.

He really was fucked up, wasn't he?

Chapter Text

Arin had not expected to fall asleep. He had not even expected to stay for a day. So he was surprised when he woke up in the infirmary yet again.

Arin's eyes blinked open and he was met with bright lights. He quickly shut his eyes again. He opened them slightly, squinting at the light. He slowly sat up and looked around.

He was in the infirmary and fear gripped his chest. The infirmary?! No, I need to leave! He started to panic when the door opened.

This time it wasn't Zane, but Sora who entered. Arin's heart sunk and he closed his shaking hands. This was worse.

So much worse.

Sora seemed to be carrying something in her hands and looked up. Her eyes widened in surprise when she saw Arin awake. She seemingly almost dropped whatever she was holding, but composed herself. Arin quickly looked away, hoping that would stop the tears pricking his eyes. Weak.

"You're awake." Sora said, pointing out the obvious. Arin frowned and kept silent, not sure his voice would hold if he actually spoke. "I thought you would still be asleep." She then said. She had not yet moved from her spot just in front of the door.

Arin's fists tightened as he heard her finally walk away from the door. "You have been the other times I was here." Arin froze when she said that. The other times she was here. She had visited him when he was asleep.

"You normally watch people in their sleep?"

She seemingly froze when he spoke for the first time. "No, I just wanted to make sure you're fine." She defended herself. "Well I am and I would be even better if I could leave." Arin snapped.

But I am not fine and would not be fine if I left. He realized but kept silent. Sora sighed and Arin took notice of her voice shaking. "I was-" She cut herself off then continued. "I haven't seen you for so long. I was worried." She said and Arin shut his eyes, trying to block her out. Weak.

"Where were you? We missed you. I missed you."

She mumbled the last part but Arin heard her and he wanted to punch her. Rather himself. He could take care of himself and didn't need anyone to care.

"Well get used to it Sora, I don't plan on staying." Her name felt bitter to say and he spat it out. She made a weird noise and was seemingly trying not to cry, to Arin's great annoyance and anger. "I wont get used to it and I don't plan on it either." She said and this time it came out stubbornly.

Arin spun around and faced the girl he dreaded to meet again. "You will get used to it, there is no other way." Arin snapped. But he also knew the truth.

He wasn't used to it either.

—

Sora left shortly after and Arin saw that she had tears in her eyes. He felt guilt for being the reason for her tears, but it also felt like she deserved it.

He laid in his bed and kept his eyes closed, making sure not to panic. He did all he could to not cry, as far as accidentally biting his cheek so hard it bled and his mouth was filled with the taste of metal.

He laid on his back as lying on his side hurt from the wound, which he noticed earlier was stitched up. He was contemplating breaking the stitches, just to annoy the ninja, but realized that would keep him here longer.

Arin breathed out in a defeated tone. Weak. He gripped his hair with one hand, trying to desperately remove the voice in his head. It had been there as Ras forcefully printed the words into his head.

Thinking of Ras reminded him of the danger he was in. How weak he was. He wondered how Ras would take him out. Hammer to the head? Sword to the chest? Maybe he would just push him off a cliff or something.

Maybe I should spare him the trouble?

Arin was surprised by his own thoughts. He had lately been more reckless with his health, but never seen himself as someone who would actually take their own life.

Three months ago, this would seem alien to Arin, but he'd changed. He was in a monastery with lots of weapons, it wouldn't be hard really. Just take a sword and done.

Arin sat up again, going dizzy immediately, but ignored it and wrapped his arms around his legs. As much as the thoughts were tempting, he had to find his parents first.

But what after?

He had done horrible stuff, would they even see him as a son after they found out? Maybe he should find them, then take a sword to the stomach. It would be hard, not at all. At least he would know they were okay and that was all that kept him going anymore.

Not his life.

Their lives.

It was the only thing that mattered.

—

Arin looked up when the door opened again almost an hour later. It was Zane this time and not Sora. Arin wasn't sure if he was relived or not.

"You can move to your room if you'd like." Zane informed him and Arins heart clenched. His old room that he shared with Sora.

He hugged his legs harder and thought. He could and he would rather be there than here with Lloyd, seeing the wounds he caused, but also didn't want to be close to Sora. He almost regretted his answer.

"Okay."

Chapter Text

Arin felt out of place lying in his old bed. It mostly just felt weird than anything. Three months ago it would feel like home. Now it was just out of place.
He felt out of place.

But he still didn't move, guessing his body would give out if he tried to move at all. His whole body felt like lead and it felt like Ras hammer banged at his head all the time. It was complete darkness, the light hurt his head. Like more pain would change anything.

Sora was already asleep in her bed and he would normally found her breathing soothing, now it just reminded him that he could be dead right now. He frowned and closed his eyes, trying to block out everything, including his own thoughts.

He knew he wouldn't sleep, but refused to move. In fear of waking Sora and making her cry again. The tears she shed was his fault, they were shed for him.

He didn't need more guilt.

He didn't need more fear.

Arin wanted to never speak again and scream at the same time, his mind shattered in a million pieces, too small to grip. Like tears, it escaped and he couldn't catch it in time before it left already, before it already shattered.

Arin opened his eyes again. Sleep wasn't going to wash over him and he begrudgingly sat up. His head pounding and throwing around the shattered pieces of his mind.

He glanced at Sora before swinging his legs over the side of the bed and exiting the room without looking back.

—

Arin wandered the hallways of the monastery without an end goal. He half wished that he would pass out, at least his mind would shut up for a while. Then at the same time, he would be stuck even longer in here.

He stopped in front of a picture of the ninja. It was shortly after he and Sora joined and he scowled at the happy boy in the picture. That was barely a memory anymore, just a daydream. He wasn't the same one he was and never would be.

"I had almost forgotten how happy you were."

Arin jumped and spun around. Wyldfyre stood behind him with crossed arms. His heart pounded with fear, why was she speaking to him? The red haired girl looked at the picture. "Should I use that hairstyle again? It suited me." She said, looking at herself curiously.

Arin watched her, his hands closed by his sides, scared that she would attack any moment. Weak, scared of your own friend. His mind told him.

But she wasn't his friend. Not anymore.

Wyldfyre looked at him instead. "I thought you were asleep." She said and Arin said nothing for a moment, just meeting her brown eyes. She lied! She went along with all the lies! His mind screamed at him and he wanted to punch something.

"Why are you awake anyway?" Wyldfyre asked him and he still said nothing. She frowned, seemingly annoyed. He tightened his fist. She is annoyed at me, she could jump any moment. He told himself but she did nothing.

"You should sleep." She then said, seemingly trying to start a conversation and he grew angry at her.

"Stop trying to talk to me!"

Arin finally snapped at her. She blinked and tilted her head. "I want to." She simply said and he glared at her. "Well I don't! Leave me alone!" He turned on his heel, leaving the heat elemental master behind with the picture of their old selves.

He didn't have a destination when he stormed off again. Wyldfyre wasn't his friend! She was just going to use him again! Lie again! She tried to get to him! She doesn't care, Zane lied.

They all lied.

Arin felt tears flow down his cheeks again and he started to panic. They can't see me like this! No, no, no, no- He wiped his tears and quickly walked through the monastery.

—

He entered the bathroom with lack of a different place he could be alone. He sunk to the floor, leaning against the door. Tears flowed down his cheeks and hit the floor.

He put his hands over his face and pressed the palms into his eyes, making him see spots. He shook and had trouble breathing, his chest feeling too tight. Tears slipped past his hands and hit the floor. He yet again wanted to scream but didn't have enough air, his chest tightening even more.

His sobs shook his whole body and he tried to be silent. Weak, weak, weak, weak- His mind chanted at him as he gripped his hair. "Shut up!" He whispered, not being able to talk louder. Weak. He felt the tears sting at his wounds on his face, welcoming the pain as a distraction.

He breathed greedily as his chest let up for a second. Looking up his vision was blurry, tears blocking it. He could say that memories of the monastery before he left were like that. Blurry from tears and slowly dissolving like ink on paper.

He was trying to gain back his normal breathing and stood up on shaking legs. He leaned against the sink and looked up on the mirror.

His face looked horrible. His hair was dirty and tangled. His eyes were red from crying and tear streaks were visible through the dirt and grime on his cheeks, like lines on paper. His lips were cracked and he was pale, his face sunken in from lack of food.

This was his new face. A face showing the destruction inside.

No smiles, no laughs.
Just pain and fear.

He was horrified by his face, it was so starkly different it scared him. Of course it scares me, I am weak for being scared. Of myself nonetheless.

Anger was in his eyes and he could see the shattered boy behind them anger. Locked behind a pair of angry eyes. Locked behind something he always despised and feared. The difference was that he still feared it.

He feared who he was, who he had become.

A monster.

Chapter Text

Arin did not get any sleep that night. His headache was worse as a consequence of him crying and having a panic attack. He did go back to his bed old bed.

He spent all night trying to block out thoughts, the breathing of Sora, his own insecurities and his own problems that he caused. It didn't work of course but he tried, that must count for something.

Right?

—

He heard Sora wake up and pretended to be asleep, closing his eyes and lie on his good side. He had no idea how she looked but from how she sighed, she had a somber look. He heard the door open and close again, indicating Soras leave.

He opened his eyes again and sat up, leaning against the wall. He leaned his head on his knees and sighed. He should have never come back here, it just caused him more trouble.

He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead on his knees instead, counting his breathing in and out.

He was tired.

Of what? Everything.

Himself.

The ninja.

The merge.

Ras.

Sora.

Lloyd.

Wyldfyre.

Zane.

Kai.

Nya.

Cole.

All of it. He was tired of it all. He was tired of life.

But he couldn't give up yet! He needed to find his parents, if they had any interest in it when they found out what he had done.
What he caused.

Arin breathed out with a shaky breath. He lifted his head and leaned in backwards, looking up at the ceiling.

—

He sat there for a while, having no motivation to move. He just looked at the ceiling, even when his neck started to hurt. He welcomed the pain, it distracted him from everything, soothed him really. He knew it was a wrong mindset, but he if he could be summarized by one word, it was wrong.

The door suddenly opened and his head snapped towards the door. Zane had opened the door. "Lloyd is awake and would like to speak to you." He said and Arin looked away. He couldn't face him, now or ever. Weak.

"Tell him I don't want to."

Zane sighed. "I suspected that." The nindroid said and Arin frowned. "I will inform him of it, but if you change your mind, he is in the infirmary still." Zane said and lingered for a moment and when Arin was silent and didn't move, he closed the door with a frown decorating his face.

Arin curled up even more, he couldn't face Lloyd, he just couldn't! Weak. Coward. He knew he was a coward for it but he just couldn't do it.

He would either burst into tears, make Lloyd cry, punch Lloyd or punch himself.

Arin closed his eyes and leaned his head on his knees again. He really was pathetic wasn't he?

—

Lloyd woke up in pain and confusion. He opened his eyes and was met with the bright light of the infirmary. He shut his eyes at the bright light and sat up with some difficulty.

What happened? He wondered then remembered everything.

Him being attacked by s hooded figure. Them fighting. The person using object shatterspin. Him figuring out that it was Arin who fought him. Arin failing to kill him. Ras trying to kill Arin. Lloyd going into oni mode for the first time since he fought the crystal king. Him comforting Arin. Then them leaving to go back here, then nothing.

Lloyd jumped as the door opened and Zane appeared. "Lloyd!" He sounded surprised and happy. "Zane!" He said as Zane came up to him. "How are you feeling?" Zane asked him.

"I am fine, where is Arin?" Lloyd answered and Zane frowned. "He is in his and Soras room." He answered.

Lloyd slumped back, he was still at the monastery. Thank FSM. He thought and looked up at Zane again. "How is he?" Zane frowned again. "Physically, he will be fine. Mentally-" He didn't continue and Lloyd understood. Arins mental state seemed fragile and he was worried for the younger boy.

"Has he slept?" Lloyd asked. "I am not sure, Sora said he was sleeping when she left but Wyldfyre said he was up in the middle of the night, so if he did sleep, then it wasn't for long." Zane answered as he scanned Lloyd.

Lloyd hummed, then winced as Zane prodded at his leg, which had been badly slashed. By Arin.

Lloyd had promised to keep their fight to themselves and he intended to keep it. He was scared to break Arins trust for a second time, so he said nothing.

"Ras did a number on you." Zane said, surprising Lloyd, who had forgotten he was there. "Ras?" He asked, then realized Arin must have lied. "Oh yeah, he did." Lloyd said, hoping to trick Zane.

It seemingly didn't work as Zane shot him a look. "It wasn't Ras was it?" He asked and Lloyd kept silent, worried to say too much or too little.

"I promised to keep it to myself." He said after a moment. "And you don't want to break Arins trust." Zane finished. "I understand, as curious as I am, I wont push it." He said and Lloyd smiled. He liked this about Zane, he didn't push people to answer him.

"Yeah." Zane hummed, prodding at his arm. Lloyd sat in silence, only wincing now and then as Zane prodded an hurt area. He thought about Arin. Would he stay or would he leave again?

Lloyd wouldn't blame him if he wanted to leave, but it would hurt if he did. He was Lloyds student after all. But I failed him and he doesn't want me as a teacher anymore. Lloyd thought with a heavy heart.

Lloyd frowned as Zane let go of his arm and gave him a glass of water and a pill. "Do you need anything else?" He asked. "I would like to talk to Arin, if I could." Lloyd answered and Zane frowned again. "He has been...hostile and not really open. I can ask, but I ask you not to be too hopeful in this case." Zane answered and Lloyd sighed. "Try to ask him anyways, please?" Zane nodded and exited the room.

—

He came back not too long after and Lloyd tried not to be disappointed when Arin did not show up. "I tried, but he didn't want to." Zane answered. "It's fine, I can try later." Lloyd said and Zane smiled, then left again.

Lloyd leaned backwards against the wall and sighed.

He really fucked up didn't he?

Chapter Text

Arin was bored.

It was a weird thing to think about with all that was happening, but he was. Without any chance of training without something or someone blowing up, he wasn't going to risk it. He had zero to do and he sure as hell wasn't going to look for something.

He sat in his bed, where he had been the past two hours, doing nothing at all. His nails were almost destroyed from how much he picked at them. He wasn't planning on stopping either, it brought him comfort. The stinging pain that came from it and having something to do.

He almost wished they were attacked, just so he would have something to do. He frowned and leaned backwards again. He was warm and it was pissing him off.

He could remove the covers but they brought him a slight sense of safety, which was stupid as he was in the place that brought him the least amount of safety.

The door was opened and Sora stepped inside. Seriously? Arin thought, looking away from the pink haired girl. "Um, are you hungry? I have some food if so." She said and he paused for a moment. He was hungry, but it also distracted him.

"Sure."

He cursed himself as he answered. She was silent for a second. "Okay good." She put down a tray with some food next to him, on a table. She clearly wanted to say something else but bit her tongue, which Arin appreciated, he was in no mood to talk to her. To be fair, he never was anymore.

She walked over to her workbench on her side of the room and sat down. Arin frowned, he would rather be alone. Though, he could not say anything as that would most likely anger her and he didn't want that.

—

Sora had no reason to sit down at her workbench really. She wanted to be close to Arin, without the reason being her wanting to be close to him. He probably doesn't appreciate it. She told her mind to shut up and turned to one of the schematics.

The two former best friends sat in silence and Sora sat still, acting like she was reading something while Arin ate on his bed behind her. She tried to actually focus, but just couldn't. Arin seemingly found her presence annoying, as she felt him glaring at her now and then. She clenched her hands.

She wasn't angry at him, but herself. If she just told him the truth after the Blood Moon ritual, then none of this would have happened. She squinted her eyes shut, refusing to cry again in front of Arin, he had clearly not appreciated it last time.

Sora felt her tears slowly build up. She suddenly stood up, apparently spooking Arin as he jumped and looked scared for a moment. She stormed out, trying to stop the slowly building tears.

She wasn't sure where she was going until she realized she had arrived at the infirmary. She opened the door and saw Lloyd awake. She knew he had woken, but not come down yet, in case Arin was there to talk Lloyd, which he had clearly not done.

"Sora?"

She jumped and looked at Lloyd, who noticed her arrival. "Hey, how are you feeling?" She asked him, still trying not to cry. "I am fine. Are you okay?" He asked her and she bit her lip and sat down in a chair beside his bed.

"I don't know anymore." She said, looking at her hands. "All this with Arin-" She started but didn't finished. Lloyd gave her a sympathetic look. "I understand, I am a bit overwhelmed as well." He said and Sora felt a tear finally escape.

"It's my fault he left! I should have told him the truth! Then none of this would happened!"

She bit her lip again as more tears escaped. "It's not your fault Sora, no one is to blame." Lloyd said. "But yourself? That's what you're thinking right?" He blinked as she caught him. He then sighed.

"I might think it's my fault, but I have valid reasoning. I am supposed to be his teacher." Lloyd said and Sora placed a hand on his shoulder.

"It's not your fault, you tried your best and nothing else. You were also thrown into this world, just like us, no one can blame you for the merge, which caused all this, not you."

He sighed. "But it was my uncle who caused it. Doesn't that make me responsible?" He asked and Sora shook her head. "Of course not, you didn't know what was going on either." She argued.

"If we need something to blame, it's the merge."

He smiled and she smiled back. She then wrapped him in a hug and she knew it would comfort both of them. She just wished Arin would feel the same way. But she knew hugs and sorry's wouldn't fix this.

The merge created a crater in Arin by ripping his parents away.

And Sora didn't know how to fill it.

—

Arin looked after Sora as she stormed out. He saw tears in her eyes as she did it and he knew it was his fault. He looked down at the food she brought. There was barely a dent made in it. Sora's anger was his fault, her tears were his fault and only his.

He bit his cheek in thought and put the tray back on the table, then stood up and followed the girl.

She walked all the way to the monastery, his training being helpful and that mixed with her clearly angered state helped him to go undetected.

She entered the infirmary and Arin stood outside, peeking inside through a crack and seeing the conversation between student and teacher unfold. Sora sat down next to Lloyd and spoke, when Lloyd asked if she was okay she answered "I don't know anymore."

Arin knew her state was his fault and he continued to listen. "All this with Arin-" And there was the confirmation that he was a problem. He bit his cheek and frowned. "I understand, I am a bit overwhelmed as well." Lloyd answered and Arin saw a tear escape Soras eyes.

"It's my fault he left! I should have told him the truth! Then none of this would have happened!"

Arin bit his cheek harder, tasting metal in his mouth as his broke the skin. It was her fault! He kept telling himself that, but he also knew his own emotions got in the way and it was his fault.

"It's not your fault Sora, no one is to blame." Lloyd said. "But yourself? That's what you're thinking right?" Sora shot back and Arin saw how easily they spoke to each other with a heavy heart, a few months back, he could also have done that.

He pressed his eyes shut in an attempt to keep his tears at bay.

"I might think it's my fault, but I have a valid reasoning. I am supposed to be his teacher!" Arin froze and peeked inside again. Lloyd looked devastated and he felt that guilt growing again. But you do not want me as a student, I know that. Arins mind told him.

"It's not your fault, you tried your best and nothing else. You were also thrown into this world, just like us, no one can blame you for the merge, which caused all this, not you."

Arin wasn't sure what to think anymore. He still hated Lloyd but also missed him. Arin wanted to rip his hair out at his broken mind.

"But it was my uncle who caused it. Doesn't that make me responsible?" Yes it does! A part of his mind screamed while the other screamed the opposite. "

"Of course not, you didn't know what was going on either." Sora argued with the blonde and Arin felt himself have an internal battle. "If we need something to blame, it's the merge."

And Arin knew that. He knew Lloyd didn't cause the merge and was thrown in this, just like him and all the people across the merged lands. But then why couldn't he understand that? Arin choked as he saw the two hug and ran.

He wasn't sure where. Just away from his guilt.

Chapter Text

Arin had always loved the rain, but hated thunder.
Thunder scared him, it was loud and sometimes struck to close for comfort. Yet he found solace in the rain surrounding it. It's peaceful sound and its importance for survival.

He saw Lloyd as a thunderstorm. The thunder could be scary and sometimes struck too close for comfort, even without noticing and yet he needed the comfort that rain brought. The problem was, the two came hand in hand.

Thunder and rain.

Fear and comfort.

Hate and love.

That's why Lloyd was a thunderstorm to Arin.

—

Arin sat in his room, his arms wrapped around his legs as he sat in his bed. He wanted to think back at the conversation he overheard and at the same time not. It scared him, to know that two people blame themselves for his runaway. But it is their faults! His broken mind told him. But he knew better.

Only himself was to blame.

Arin breathed out shakily and leaned his forehead on his knees. Weak. He knew he had to talk to Lloyd and Sora, but he dreaded it. Maybe he didn't even have to? He could just leave when he was healed enough.

The thought was tempting but he also feared what he would find.

Ras looking to kill him?

His parents?

His humanity?

Maybe he should leave before he's healed and let Ras take care of him. Weak. But the small part in his broken mind told him that then he would never see his parents again.

Arin wanted to scream again. But he yet again never wanted to speak. He was lost.

Utterly and literally lost.

Arin couldn't understand his own mind anymore, it was its own. It was too broken, broken into millions of small pieces ran through his hands like the sand in an hourglass. He couldn't stop it, just watch it slowly slipping through his hands, counting down to something.

His life was broken and it was his fault.

Lloyds pain was his fault.

Soras pain was his fault.

Everyone's pain what his fault.

He felt himself having a hard time breathing again. No, no, NO! Not here I need to leave! He yelled at himself. He stood up but his legs gave out and he fell over, his head hitting the edge of the table and everything went back.

—

Arin woke up to bright lights again and shut his eyes. He didn't remember anything. He squinted and managed to open one eyes.

He was in the infirmary.

Where Lloyd was.

Arin sat up so fast he almost blacked out again. He fell back down again and almost passed out again. "-rin!" He heard a voice call his name and he looked up and was met with a pair of blurry green eyes. They looked worried and Arin wanted to scream but had no strength. Weak! His shattered mind screeched.

"-rin? You ok-y?" Lloyds voice came in as distorted to his hurting head. Arin didn't say anything and tried not to panic again as his vision came back and his panic attack. He had to leave, he couldn't stay!

Arin tried to sit again, but his arms gave in and he couldn't. Lloyd put a hand on his shoulder. The touch was supposed to be calming but panicked Arin even more.

Lloyd quickly removed his hand when he realized this and he looked scared.

But not off Arin.

For Arin.

Arins panic slowly receded and his hearing and vision came back to normal. "Arin?" He heard Lloyds voice speaking to him in a calming matter. Arin said nothing and closed his eyes.

"What happened?"

Arins voice cracked and Lloyd breathed out at him answering. "We don't know." Lloyd answered honestly.

"Sora found you passed out on the floor with a head wound and the side of the table was bloody. Wyldfyre guessed you tripped, I think there is more to it." Lloyd answered and Arin frowned, opening his eyes again.

He tried to sit up and managed to get up enough to leave against the wall. He wrapped his arms around his legs. "Shouldn't you be in your own bed?" Arin asked in a hard tone. "I should, but I saw you waking up and sitting up rapidly, you almost passed out." Lloyd explained and Arin glared at the floor, refusing to meet Lloyds eyes.

The two were silent for a while until Lloyd spoke. "I-I wanted to talk with you." He said and Arin scowled. "Well I don't want to." He snapped and Lloyd sighed. "I know you don't." Lloyd answered in a hurt tone. "But I promise you, it's easier to share pain than keep it to yourself." Lloyd said.

Arin looked at him with angry eyes. His mouth in a thin line.

"I hate promises."

—

Arin started at the ceiling, in the infirmary this time. He found no joy in looking at the white ceiling and brown walls. Rather he found them endless and scary.

He hated the doctors as a kid and still did. This reminded him of that and how his mother always calmed him down before he went to teh doctor. Just then a boom shook the infirmary.

Arin jumped, his head swimming at the fast movement as Lloyd looked up in surprise. He stepped out of his bed and looked out the window.  "A thunderstorm." He stated and Arin could also see the rain from over there.

Arin frowned, yet another thing he didn't like. His fifth worst fear, after himself, feeling weak, being weak and being hated. He laughed bitterly to himself. When did he become a depressed teen?

Arin jumped at yet another crash of thunder. Lloyd seemed less affected and continued to read or whatever he did. Arin curled up even more and listened to the rain and jumped at the thunder.

"Try to sleep Arin." Arin didn't say anything as Lloyd spoke. The green ninja sighed and put his own book away, turning off the light. The room fell into darkness and Arin curled up even more. He didn't realize how much he was afraid off until he had to face it.

—

The thunder continued and in the darkness Arin had an impossible time to sleep, or even try. He jumped at every crash of thunder and it seemed like every shadow had its own life. He felt pathetic. Weak. Pathetic. Arin frowned and curled up tightly.

A thunder struck almost just outside of the monastery and he almost screamed, but cut himself off. Lloyd woke from the thunder strike. "It's not letting up is it?" He asked, seemingly himself, he hadn't seen Arin awake yet.

It didn't take long however as Lloyd looked over at his bed and saw him curled up. Lloyds eyes shone like a cat's in the darkness and at the flashed of the thunder. It looked weird and scary. Arin curled up more.

"Arin?"

He jumped at Lloyds voice, even though he looked him in the eyes. "Hm?" Arin hummed, acknowledging that he heard him. "You okay?" Lloyd asked and before Arin could answer another flash and bang was heard. Arin jumped and curled up more.

Lloyds eyes slightly in realization. "You are afraid of thunderstorms." He said and Arin glared at him, as well as he could. "Say it then." Lloyd blinked in confusion. "Say I am pathetic for being scared by it." Arin said, hiding his face.

He jumped at a hand on his shoulder. "You're not pathetic Arin." Lloyd said with his hand on Arin's shoulder. Arin looked away. "Don't lie." He said and the bed shifted slightly as Lloyd sat down. "I am a horrible liar Arin, I couldn't even if my life depended on it." He said and Arin continued to look away. His mind chanting that Lloyd was lying to him again.

The two were silent for a moment until yet another crash of thunder was heard and Arin jumped again.

"I was also scared of thunderstorms before you know."

Arin looked up in confusion at Lloyd, who smiled slightly. "You were?" Arin asked with his pathetic excuse of a voice. "Yeah." Lloyd said. "My friend, Jay, you know the lightning ninja?" Arin nodded.

"He helped me get through it and it wasn't as scary anymore." Lloyd said and looked at Arin with his glowing eyes.

"Not all fears go away, that one did, but I have plenty left." Lloyd said and smiled slightly. "What do you fear still then?" Arin asked. "I am scared to become my father and not being good enough." Lloyd said with a sigh. "I am also scared of failing. Something I did."

He mumbled the last part and Arins heart clenched again, but he said nothing, he still hadn't forgiven him yet. He jumped as another thunder struck.

Lloyd gave him a sympathetic expression, not pity, sympathy. Arin curled up even more. He was scared. Of the thunder but also of almost everything else.

He remembered at how his mother used to calm him when there was thunderstorms and Arin felt tears swim up to his eyes again. He tried to wipe them away but they escaped. He didn't want Lloyd to see how scared and pathetic he was.

But just his luck, because Lloyd looked at him and saw his tears.

"Arin. Are you okay?

It was such a simple question but it hurt more than Arin wanted to admit. More tears ran down his cheeks and he looked up and met Lloyds glowing eyes.

"I miss my parents."

It was the first time he admitted it to someone and he finally broke. His mask cracked and broke into a million pieces.

Tears ran down his cheeks and he sobbed, his hands over his face. His whole body shook and Lloyd must think he was pathetic. Lloyd must think I am was pathetic and any moment he is  going to- A pair of arms wrapped him in a hug, cutting his thoughts off.

Arin was frozen for a moment, then threw his arms around Lloyd and cried.

He just cried with the thunderstorm raging outside. Lloyd ran a hand through his hair and he hugged Lloyd even harder, ignoring the pain in his side and head. He just couldn't stop the tears from escaping.

The tears ran down his cheeks, creating paths in the grime. Paths he could have chosen and lived happily. But he chose his own.

That ended up being his fall from grace.

Chapter Text

Arin woke up with heavy limbs. His head was pounding and the light shining hurt even more. He frowned and squinted his eyes to get used to the light. When his eyes got used to the light he sat up.

He was still in the infirmary and he did his best to sit up. He leaned against his pillow and scanned the room. His eyes landed on Lloyd lying in his bed and Arin suddenly remembered the events of the day before.

Him panicking and accidentally knocking himself out, waking up in the infirmary, the storm, his and Lloyds chat and him breaking down.

Arin felt panic grow in his chest as he remembered. Weak. Lloyd would find him pathetic now! Like he didn't before. Arin's mind said and that did not help him at all.

He curled up, trying to avoid passing out again, but with the whole room spinning from the pain in his head and the panic and fear growing in his chest, it was easier said than done.

No, no, no, no, no, no....

Arin gripped his hair, trying not to pass out again, then he would really cement himself being weak and pathetic. His side hurt from his elevated breathing and with his head hurting so much, it was a honestly a miracle he was still conscious.

Arin almost passed out when he felt a hand on his shoulder and in his panic, he lashed out and his fist connected with someone's jaw. He heard a grunt, but the hand didn't move. Arins blurred vision made out a pair of green eyes and blonde hair. Lloyd.

He stopped trying to move and he felt a second hand on his other shoulder, making him jump slightly, but not lashing out. "-rin?" Lloyds voice came through the cracks in the walls Arin built and the younger boy looked up, meeting the piercing green eyes. He still said nothing, his breathing slowly returning to normal.

"Arin?" Lloyds voice came asked in a gentle tone, his hands still on Arin's shoulders. Arin looked away, wrapping his legs around his legs, trying to stabilize the walls around himself. "I am fine." He said in a harder tone than he wished. Lloyd didn't look surprised at his tone.

"I didn't as if you were because I know you're not."

Arin silently cursed Lloyds observant mind. "Well you're wrong, I am fine." Arin said and Lloyd frowned. "Tell yourself that, I know you're not and I know you know that too."

And Arin did know he wasn't okay. He was the opposite of okay. He was broken and shattered, his mind in a million pieces, slipping away like trying to hold water.

Arin looked away from Lloyds annoyingly nice face and scowled. He hated acting weak, like he did the day before. Lloyd removed his hands, but didn't move away from Arin's side.

Arin's hands clenched in fists and he wished to punch Lloyd again. But he wanted to punch himself even more. "When can I leave?" He then asked. "What do you mean?" Lloyd asked, his tone suddenly...scared? Arin wasn't sure when his tone meant.

"The infirmary. When can I leave?" He answered and heard Lloyd breathe out. "In a while." Arin huffed. "Fantastic." He said and Lloyd sighed. "Arin-" He started but cut himself off. Arin glanced at the green ninjas face.

He looked tired and worried, his skin pale. Arin didn't know his punch from earlier had caused his nose to bleed, probably hurting a lot considering Lloyds nose was broken from before, also Arin's fault, like most things nowadays.

Arin looked at his hands, knowing they caused way too many people pain. He caused too many people pain. Arin squeezed his eyes shut, refusing to cry again.
He felt unsafe wherever he went. Safety was a fairytale to him, filled with things in daydreams and made up stories.

"I will get something for your hand."

Arin looked up as Lloyd limped to a cabinet, then back at his hands, he hadn't noticed his left hands knuckles bleeding. "Oh." He said in slight surprise, but without any more reactions. He was used to blood, but he still started at the red liquid.

He felt the low throbbing pain in his hand, pumping blood out of the hole in his skin. He found the pain slightly relaxing and looked at the blood as it gathered at his knuckles. He wasn't sure why the blood was mesmerizing now, but it was.

That scared him even more.

Lloyd came back with some disinfectant and bandage. He poured some disinfectant on Arin's knuckles with the younger boy barely reaction, the pain was welcome and he looked at his hands. Lloyd quietly wrapped Arin's hand in a bandage, then let go.

—

The two sat in silence, neither knowing what to say to the other. Arin bit his lip and leaned backwards. Lloyd was now sitting on his bed, reading a book, but he looked distracted.

Arin picked at his nails, having nothing else to do. The skin around his nails was pink and irritated but he wouldn't be annoyed if it broke. He was wondering about what he should do after he was healed. Should he leave or stay in the monastery?

Leave the small comfort the building and people brought and see if he found some peace outside or stay and hope that everything worked out? He knew that he couldn't live with people he hated, a much as he couldn't leave people he cared about behind.

His mind was at war with itself and sometimes one side won out, sometimes the other did. He found it annoying and that made one side win more, then when he changed his mind the other side won.
He was stuck in a circle of hell.

He heard the door open and he looked up. Zane entered and looked between the two boys. "I will check up on both of you." He said and walked over to Lloyd. Arin ignored the two and picked at his nails, his mind elsewhere.

He guessed Lloyd was pretty similar from before as Zane shortly after came over to him. He scanned him, his ice blue eyes shining. "You should be able to go to your room, but you have to stay in bed." Zane said and Arin gave him a short nod. Zane frowned, then exited the room.

Arin slowly stood up, his head still spinning slightly. Just as he reached the door he heard Lloyds voice.

"Arin?"

He looked up and over at Lloyd, who wasn't looking at him. "I have to ask you something." Arin frowned, looking away. "Hm?" He hummed, acknowledging that he heard him.

"Do you hate me still?"

Arin froze. He barely knew himself and looked away from Lloyd completely. "I don't know." Arin answered.

"You are a very hard person to hate and at the same time the easiest to hate."

Arin then exited the room, having no interest in talking anymore.

Chapter Text

The next few days were quiet. Not much happening, Arin mostly stayed in his and Soras room. It was silent for the others, just never for Arin.

His mind taunted him, the million pieces cutting into him like physical shards. He tried to ignore it, but the pain was too hard to ignore, too painful.

Arin had spent a lot of his time contemplating what he should do, leave or stay? He didn't want to leave, but he also wanted nothing to do with this, these people trying to be nice to him.

They are probably just playing.

That's what Arin thought every time he tried to contemplate staying. He had wished his whole life to be a ninja and now he wanted nothing to do with them.

Yeah, he had changed.

—

Arin sat in his bed in the night, yet again not being able to sleep. Sora was asleep in her bed, with her and his own breaths being the only sound in the room. If you didn't count the screaming in Arin's head.

He sat, arms wrapped around his leg on his bed, leaning his chin on his knees. He counted his breaths, a way of staying connected to reality and not slipping away into the ocean of regret and fear again.

One to one hundred, then start at one again. It was the only thing he could do in the darkness of their room.

He sneaked a glance at Sora, her pink hair sprawled on her pillow. She looked peaceful, the opposite of what she looked when she was awake, then she was tense. Or maybe it was just when she was around Arin.

He wanted to scream yet again, she was suffering because of him, his faults and mistakes. Yet she had expressed her guilt for his exit, even if it was his choice. Sure, she had part in it, at least Arin thought that. He was still angry at her for her lies, even though it was a petty thing to be angry at, he still was.

Ras taught him to use his anger, not push it away. Lloyd taught him to push down his anger and use peace instead. Arin wasn't sure what to do with such striking different teachings. Use it or not? Using the anger had been affective, something he liked, but at the same time, it caused him pain, as well as others.

No matter what happened, a small part of the old Arin was still hidden in him, drowning in the sea of regret and anger. Reaching out, making just enough sound to be heard, but not seen, making it impossible to save, forever stuck in an endless circle of drowning and screaming.

Just screaming.

Arin breathed out and leaned his forehead on his knees, trying to not slip away again. But it was like holding onto a slippery ledge, the more you tried, the harder it was.

He closed his eyes, trying to count his breaths again. Sora's breathing and his own mixed in the silent room, making it hard to count. He bit the inside of his cheek and silently tried to count but his mind mixed with Sora's breathing, made it impossible to do.

Arin looked up and opened his eyes. He glared at Sora and swung his legs over the side of the bed, if he didn't move he would scream. He quickly and quietly walked past her and to the door, opening it and quickly slipping out into the dark and silent corridor.

—

He was yet again walking without a destination and just walked, his eyes at his feet. He wasn't sure when he learned where the squeaking planks on the floor were, it was like learning to walk without any sound, not wanting to be noticed, to just slip into the shadows.

Arin ended up in front of the door to the courtyard, the training area of the monastery. He looked at the door, not sure if he should go back or walk out. He sighed and pushed the door open, the cold night air hitting him, making him shiver and wrap his arms around his body.

He stepped out, the stone ground against his bare feet. He wasn't sure if the cold was welcome or not. It didn't hurt per se, but it was stinging.

He normally didn't care about pain, but he hated the cold, always had, it had yet to go away. He just stood there, not sure where to go next.

Where to go next in life.

He bit his lip, he hated being this bad at decisions. He had too much anger built up inside to be able to make a good decision.

There are no good decisions, only bad and worse. His mind told him, which he bit his lip harder, making it bleed slightly. He looked at the training dummy and then at his hands. He shouldn't train, Zane told him that.

Who cares?

Arin walked over to the dummy, glaring at it. He, without thinking, punched the dummy in the face as hard as he could, pain exploding in his hand. He ignored it, letting the pain push him further, kicking the dummy in the side and punching it yet again.

He continuously punched and kicked the dummy, his built up anger being channeled into his punches and kicks. The only thing he gained from this was red knuckles and his legs hurting. But he lost the mental pain for a moment, his mind finally shutting up. Switching the mental pain for the physical one.

He was fine with that switch.

—

Arin stood, panting, in the training area, leaning his hands on his knees. He looked at the thrashed dummy and groaned, if the ninja heard nothing, they would most certainly notice the next day.

Who cares? Let them see, let them see what they created! What they caused!

Arin looked at the dummy behind him as he left the area. You aren't born a monster. I wasn't born a monster.

You are created. I am a monster you created.

Chapter Text

Sleep wasn't something Arin usually let himself enjoy and this day wasn't any different. He had, after destroying the training dummies, gone back to sleep, well tried to go back to sleep as well as he could.

He laid in silence as he was alone because Sora had left a little while ago. Arin wasn't sure if anyone would notice that he destroyed the dummies. Well they'll notice but they won't know it's me that did it. Arin thought bitterly.

He had no energy to move and just laid staring at the ceiling. He was stuck. On what to do and in the monastery. A while ago he wouldn't have felt stuck, but at home. But not anymore.

Not anymore.

He wondered if someone was going to open the door and either piss him off or make him break down. Those were the only two options his broken mind could come up with.

Arin's wound on his side was aching from his outburst the day prior. It didn't particularly annoy him, it was a good distraction from his own mind and problems. Most of which he caused.

Like he had guessed, the door was opened but it wasn't Lloyd, Sora or Zane, which he thought it would be.

It was Kai.

The fire ninja looked slightly uncomfortable and looked at Arin with both a worried and weary expression. Arin didn't meet his eyes, already guessing why the older boy was there.

"Hello." Kai said in an awkward tone. Arin said nothing and heard Kai swear silently. The door closed but he heard Kai's breathing, indication he was still there. No one said anything for a moment until Kai spoke again.

"Look, I do not I know much about any medical things. But I do know that training with your wounds is not a good thing."

Arin frowned, he had been right at why the hotheaded ninja was there. "And also you also absolutely wrecked those dummies, so I am guessing you were angry." Kai surprised him by guessing correctly. He had been angry.

But then, he was always angry nowadays. Arin wasn't sure if he should speak or stay silent but Kai spoke first.

"Look kid, I just don't want you to get hurt. You should be resting, not attacking dummies."

Arin felt anger rise at Kai's words. Scared at me getting hurt? I am already hurt! He screamed internally. Arin spoke without actually wanting to, like something took over for a second.

"Too late for that."

He heard Kai's head turn towards him, indicating he had been looking away. Kai said nothing for a moment then spoke again. "I suppose I can't argue with that. Then let me change my words. I don't want you to get hurt again." That didn't exactly help Arin as it just angered him further.

"Why do you care? Why are you wasting your time on me? Shouldn't you be training Wyldfyre or something?" Arin snapped, harsher than he thought he intended, until he realized that he didn't care how it came out, as long as he got his point across.

That scared him.

"She is, at the moment, banned from training as she blew up a wall last week and almost turned Cole to a pile of ash. She is mediating with Nya, well, being forced to meditate with Nya." Kai said, trying to joke slightly but it was clearly not his strong suit.

Arin didn't appreciate it much.

Kai sighed as he noticed Arin didn't react externally, as he could not see internal Arin's turmoil and mumbled to himself.

"Damn it, joking is Jays thing, not mine."

Arin was surprised he mentioned the lightning ninja, as the last time any of them saw him (To Arin's knowledge) was during the tournament of sources and he had no memories of any of the ninja, not even Nya.

Arin still said nothing and wrapped his arms around his knees, he felt to bare and open otherwise. None of them spoke for a while, with Arin trying to shut his internal voices up and Kai seemingly not sure what to say to the clearly broken boy.

Arin jumped when he felt his bed dip, Kai apparently deciding to sitdown. He still refused to look at the older boy, fearing to find anger in his brown eyes.

"Arin."

Arin tensed, scared on what Kai would say or do. "I just want to ask you something." Kai said and Arin hugged his legs tighter, fearing what the question would be.

"Can I do that, or do you want me to leave?"

Kai probably didn't realize how much him asking that meant. He wasn't just giving Arin the option to not answer, he was giving Arin the option of not even having to be asked the question at all.

That hurt Arin more than he wanted to admit to himself. Weak. He had the option of telling Kai to leave, to just leave him alone with his broken thought and shattered mind.

Kai guessed that he was going to say no as he didn't speak for a moment and moved to leave.

"Stay."

Kai's head turned towards him, surprised. "You can stay." Arin repeated and hated his vulnerability in that moment and in his tone. Weak. Kai said nothing for a moment. "Okay, then I'll stay." He said and Arin felt the surprise in the tone he used and curled up more.

"Can I ask you something or do you want me to be quiet?"

Kai yet again surprised Arin with how careful he was, not at all as before. I guess we all changed. Arin thought silently. He pondered the question for a while before he answered.

"Whatever."

It was a snappy enough answer and it gave Kai the choice to ask or not. "Alright." Kai said and was silent for a little while.

"When you trained under Ras, what did he tell and teach you?"

It was a deeper question than Arin had wished it to be. He froze and his hands clenched, not knowing what to answer to that. Tears pricked his eyes he realized and tried to stop them by closing his eyes.

"Does it matter?" Arin asked after a moment. "Yes, Arin it does." Kai answered gently, trying to not anger Arin, not knowing his tone already had. "That I was weak, what else is new?!" Arin exclaimed, finally turning his head and facing Kai.

The fire ninjas face only showed worry and care, not anger of fear, which he should show. He had a posture that tried to tell Arin that he wasn't a danger, but it didn't help. "You aren't weak Arin." Kai said and Arin sent him a death glare.

"Don't tell me that! I am! You are all the same! Trying to convince me that I am not weak, but you are all lying! No one speaks the truth anymore! NO ONE!" Arin screamed with Kai not moving.

Arin didn't realize his outburst until he already had screamed and tears pricked his eyes like shards of glass. He angrily wiped his tears away, refusing to meet Kai's eyes again.

Arin saw his hand rise slightly and flinched, in fear of Kai hitting him, which he probably deserved to be honest. He closed his eyes quickly, expecting a hit which never came.

But as Arin looked up again, he noticed something surprising. Kai's eyes were glossy and he looked close to crying. Arin froze, his shock getting the best of him.

"FSM, what has Ras done to you?"

Arin didn't understand Kai's words. What does he mean what did Ras do to him? He told him the truth, thats all.

Right?

"What do you mean?" Arin sounded only confused and Kai looked at him shocked.

"What do you mean Arin?!" Kai exclaimed, his temper finally getting to him, making Arin flinch again. Kai noticed and his eyes shifted from angry to sad again, as well as guilty. "This. You flinching all the time. Arin why are you flinching?" He said it in a tone that sounded almost desperate and fearful.

Arin looked away as an answer before he actually said anything.

"Well, I was weak, he needed to teach me not to be. So, when I wasn't strong enough I would be punished, nothing weird." Arin answered, dismissing the question. He jumped in fear as a hand landed on his shoulder and he also made a sound of fear, it sounded pathetic to him.

Kai's chocolate brown met his eyes. "And in what way did he punish you Arin?" Kai asked his eyes showing his worry and fear, but not of Arin, but for him. Arin didn't answer and looked away. He could tell Kai or not.

He didn't get any words out and without a word, rolled up his sleeve, showing Kai the claw marks on his arm. He heard Kai's shocked, not very well hidden, gasp.

He felt an arm on his arm, Kai's fingers gently touching the bandages that wasn't doing a good job at hiding the marks. Arin felt his arm twitch, attempting to stop him from flinching. "I wont hurt you Arin." Kai said and before Arin could say anything he added:

"Not again."

Arin felt tears cut into his eyes again and he bit his chapped lip. "How long has he been doing this?" Kai asked softly, Arin not having enough energy to be angry at him.

"I don't know." He answered.

"How many times has he done this?" Kai asked instead and Arin felt more tears pricking his eyes.

"I don't know."

Kai said nothing for a moment. "Arin, what do you think this is?" He asked, confusing Arin with his question. "What do you mean?" He asked and Kai met his eyes, then gestured at his arm. "What do you think this is?" He asked and Arin wondered what he was trying to say.

"Signs of my weakness."

Arin answered and Kai's eyes widened. "No Arin. It's abuse. He is abusing you, not helping you!" Kai exclaimed, but took a deep breath to calm down. "Arin, this isn't right. None of what he is doing is."

Arin bit his lip harder and looked away. Abuse felt wrong to Arin, it couldn't be abuse! Ras was trying to help him! Arin tried to hold onto this statement but it slipped away.

"No, its-" Arin started, but was unable to finish. Kai tilted his head and put his hand back on Arins shoulder. The look in his eyes was too much.

It only takes a pebble to break the dam.

Arin's carefully built walls cracked and he started breaking down. He hid his face in his hands, refusing to see Kai's expression. He probably thought he was pathetic.

But Kai yet again surprised him as he barely hesitated a moment before hugging the crying boy. Arin jumped and wanted to push away but didn't. He wasn't sure why he didn't, either it was that his energy was gone, or his resolve.

He sobbed with Kai carefully hugging him, with one of the fire ninjas hands running through the abused boys hair. And yes, abused. Arin couldn't deny it.

It was abuse.

He was abused.

He was broken.

He was abused and broken.

And no amount of hugs and sorry's could fix that.

Chapter Text

Talking to Kai was confusing to Arin. Really confusing.

Arin didn't know what to think of it. What to think of anything anymore, it was looking through foggy glasses, nothing felt clear anymore.

And that pissed him off.

Kai had left Arin alone a while later and now, in the night, Arin thought through everything that happened and what Kai said about Ras. Arin hated not being able to deny what Ras did, but he just couldn't anymore.

Abuse.

It was a bit of an alien concept to Arin. Being abused. He had never understood why abuse victims acted the way they did, why they sometimes wanted to return after so many years of abuse. But now he did understand.

That scared him.

He was a victim of abuse and that felt weird to him. Like he deserved it and not at the same time. Kai seemingly believed he didn't deserve it and that made Arin's resolve crack slightly as he mostly believed that he did deserve it, but now he wasn't so sure anymore.

—

Arin blew air out of his mouth as he sighed and leaned against the wall. Sora had not come to their room to sleep. She is scared of me no doubt. Arin thought bitterly and clenched his hands.

He sat on his covers with his legs crossed and hands in his lap. Arin had not been able to sleep, it slipped out of his hands. And even if he managed to fall asleep, he would no doubt wake up from some kind of nightmare.

Arin could leave the room easily if he pleased. Sora wasn't here, wherever she was, she was probably asleep. Sure, he could accidentally run into someone, like with Wyldfyre one of his first nights back.

Arin's boredom won out over his fear for once and he stood up shakily, one of his legs asleep. At least part of me can sleep. Arin thought with a frown.

He then quietly opened the door to his room and snuck out.

The hallway was silent and dark, lit up by small electrical lanterns made by Zane of Nya no doubt. Arin had his arms wrapped around his torso as he walked, his legs steering him somewhere. He had a headache so he wasn't going to train even if he felt pathetic at letting a headache stop him from training.

He walked past some of the ninjas rooms quietly and quickly, not wanting anyone to wake up. That would even be worse than having to talk to them during the day.

—

He kept his eyes on the ground until he almost walked into a door. He stopped just in time and realized it was the door to the ninjas underground "basement" or whatever it was.

His hand lingered over the door handle. It probably hasn't changed much. Arin thought but his curiosity won out and he opened the door, walking down the stairs towards the basement or whatever it was.

It hadn't changed much, he had been right. The lights were still on and Arin squinted slightly at the bright light, his and Sora's rooms lights were quite dim.

He looked around and saw jets and other vehicles, as well as the monastery gate. He walked up to a table with mechanical parts, probably for the jet to his right which looked slightly broken.

"Aren't you supposed to be asleep?"

Arin almost jumped out of his skin at the voice. He spun around and was met with Nya, who was standing with her arms crossed about two meters away. Arin lowered his arms which he had raised in defense and didn't answer.

Must they always show up? He wondered. He had no energy to talk to the other part of the sibling duo that was Kai and Nya. He turned away from the blue eyed girl.

He had no energy for another ninja trying to talk to him like he was weak. But I am weak. He thought and pressed his lips together. Nya surprisingly didn't say anything and turned back to the jet which she had apparently worked on before Arin showed.

She worked without talking to Arin and he didn't know if he found it annoying or reliving that she didn't say anything. He sat down on a chair that stood at the table and fiddled with some metal spring on the table.

Nya glanced at him when he sat down, then turned away. The silence wasn't uncomfortable per se, it was slightly tense but nothing else. The two sat or worked in silence.

The water ninja and the messed up former ninja.

—

Nya never tried to strike up a conversation and Arin was suspecting she knew he didn't want to talk. But it also confused him, why would she not try?

Nya was one of the ninja Arin knew the least about as he had barely interacted with her before anyways. She worked without talking and seemed focused on the jet. Arin fiddled with the spring and glanced at Nya.

She was still wearing her gi and her hair was as usual tied up.

She looked the same, but Arin knew she had changed. They all had.

It was both clear and unclear. He had changed drastically and she had changed silently. Arin knew that Jay, the person she loved, was still missing and didn't remember her or any of them. Arin knew this started to change her.

He watched their fight like any of the others, but he saw something in her eyes after she won. They had some kind of crack. A crack in her life that was getting bigger and slowly spreading.

Arin wasn't sure if any of the others noticed or not, but he did. Why? He didn't know, maybe he understood her to some degree, both had lost people they loved and wanted them back. But after that was when and where their differences show.

Arin did whatever he needed to do it, while Nya tried to stick to her morals.

That's also the part that Arin didn't understand. Why didn't she try harder? Didn't she want him back at any cost? Arin thought back to how she acted. She had clearly wanted to go after Jay and save him from himself. To bring him back to the ninjas.

But thats when it hit Arin. Why she acted so different from him. She was a ninja and Arin wasn't. She couldn't do it at any cost, because she knew how Jay would react if she did and he did remember again. She would have become the same person as Arin.

Arin wasn't sure why he realized this now, but it hit him hard.

She was the stronger version of him, managing to stay true to who she was while still fighting for the ones she loved. Arin on the other hand gave up on trying and did what he felt was necessary.

That's what broke him.

Arin now also understood a second thing. She didn't speak to him because she understood he had to come to terms with himself on his own, not with her coercion.

She was silently helping and caring for him. By not speaking and letting him think through everything in silence but not alone. Arin sat there in silence for a while, the only sound being Nya working on the jet.

Arin felt his eyelids start droop and stood up to leave. Nya looked at him when he stood, but then looked away and said nothing. He walked towards the door but stopped in the opening.

"Thank you."

Nya looked at him. "For what?" She asked. Arin met her eyes.

"You know what."

Nya said nothing but her features relaxed and her face showed that she was relived. She then turned back to her jet.

"You're welcome."

Arin said nothing and left in silence and Nya said nothing to break the silence as he left, but they both parted with some kind of understanding of the other.

An excellent example of two different paths, two different decisions and two different outcomes, yet the same type of person with the same problem.

Two sides of the same coin.

Chapter Text

Arin had managed to fall asleep after his encounter and realization with and about Nya. He had no idea how, maybe his realization brought him some conclusion of some sorts. No matter the reason, his sleep was as usual plagued with nightmares and he woke up with a gasp.

He sat up and immediately his head started spinning from the fast movement. He grabbed his head but didn't lay back down. He closed his eyes to not pass out, or something in that direction, from the dizziness.

Arin frowned, he hated being brought down by a headache. This headache wasn't just an after effect of not sleeping enough, but also everything happening lately. His realization about Ras with the help of Kai, his realization about Nya and his own similarities. It was confusing and really getting to his head.

One other thing was his head at war with itself, one side dead set on leaving and the other on staying in the monastery. Arin grabbed his head with one hand and sighed in annoyance as he ran a hand through his hair. That also made his realize how dirty it was when he pulled his hand back.

He frowned at the feel of his hair, but did nothing else about it. He had bigger problems than that. Arin ignored the dizziness making his head spin and stood up.

Sora was no where to be seen in the room. He probably would have ignored her existence anyway. Arin felt a pain in his leg and remembered he was still injured and limped to the door and left the room, refusing to stay.
He was confined enough in his own head.

—

Arin still had no plan on where to walk to he just walked slowly and limped on his leg.

He tried to push the pain away as acknowledging and giving in to it would just make him more weak than normal. Ras taught him to ignore his pain.

Arin did not reach the garage as he almost collided with one of the ninja. He looked up and saw that it was Zane. Arin had to bite his lip to not scowl again.

Zane looked up from looking at some paper. "Oh, I did not see you Arin." He said. No shit. Arin thought and resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

"I noticed."

Arin bit his tongue, he hadn't planned speaking. Zane looked slightly surprised for a moment as he seemingly had not thought Arin planned on speaking, until he pushed the surprise down.

Arin found that interesting.

It was something Arin had noticed about Zane. He seemed to push down any surprise and most emotion. Arin understood why he would, but not why Zane would do it. Because he was a nindroid? Wouldn't he want to prove he wasn't just a robot? Why would he hide emotions then?

Arin didn't understand that about Zane.

"Arin? I have said your name three times already." Arin snapped out of his thoughts at Zanes voice. Arin looked up and met Zanes ice blue eyes for a moment before looking away. Zane was silent for a moment.

"Would you like to accompany me to the library? I am researching something and I would like to believe that you might find something interesting there as well." Zane suddenly asked, surprising Arin.

The library? Arin hadn't thought about that before, he might find something there that could at least make him not die of boredom. If I die of anything it will be either boredom, myself or Ras. Arin thought. Even maybe the ninja if they find out I almost killed Lloyd.

Arin looked away from Zane and considered the offer. Zane would probably ask him questions like Kai and Lloyd, not stay silent like Nya. But Arin needed something to do and a book could be a solution to his boredom, as he could not find any solutions to any of his other problems.

He looked up slightly, but didn't meet Zane eyes. "Okay." He said quietly, feeling pathetic as his weak tone. Yet again Zane looked surprised then hid it. "Good." Zane simply said and Arin quietly followed him as he walked towards the library.

—

The library was not too big nor too small and it was quiet. Obviously, it was a library after all.

Zane walked up to a shelf and Arin looked around silently and stayed in his spot just inside of the door. The big window was right in front of him on the other side of the library. He walked, still trying to hide his limp, over to the window and peeked outside.

He had a window in his and Sora's room of course, but it was covered up as the light hurt Arin's eyes and it was too much of a painful reminder that he was locked up. Both in his mind and physically.

Sure, the ninjas didn't actually hold him prisoner, but neither had Ras. Arin felt like a prisoner wherever he walked, a prisoner in his own body and that made him a prisoner wherever he was anyway.

Arin scanned the outside and noticed how high up they were. If he looked down he saw clouds because of the monastery being on a mountain and was hit with how easy it was for him to just, "accidentally" fall down.

Arin placed a hand on the windowsill but quickly removed it as Zane came into view. "Arin." Arin bit back a groan and turned around, facing the nindroid with crossed arms. He then leaned on the windowsill and his good leg.

"Hm?" He hummed, acknowledging that he heard Zane. "May I ask you a question?" Zane asked and Arin frowned. He was tired of being questioned and decided that if they could, then he could.

"If I can ask one in return." He answered monotonely. Zane blinked then smiled slightly for a second. "Deal." He said and Arin hummed, nodding for him to continue.

"I know Ras didn't attack Lloyd, that much is clear. Who did?"

Arin froze his mind panicking. He knew. He knew. Arin, whose hands moved to be on the windowsill, held it tightly. His vision blurred slightly and he quickly closed his eyes, feeling his chest tighten. He refused to panic with Zane there and tried to control his breathing but it was hard to for him to do.

He felt a cold hand on his shoulder, making him flinch. "Arin, breathe." Arin glared at him as well as he could. But he did slowly come back to normal and glared at Zane.

"Ras did. I told you that." He lied in a hard tone. Zane frowned, knowing he was lying. "You might be a good liar Arin. Lloyd isn't." Zane said and Arin's anger for Lloyd grew. Of course he gave it away. Maybe Arin should have just killed him in the woods, Arin would still have the chance to find his parents.

Arin couldn't help but wish Lloyd had died in the woods for a moment but Zanes hand brought him back from the edge. "Do not be mad at him, he tried to lie, he just is good at it."

Arin glared at the nindroid. "I was mad at him before, why should I stop now?" He asked. "Because hatred will only poison you." Zane answered softly and Arin laughed bitterly, not taking Zanes soft tone happily.

"Then I am already dead."

Zane said nothing but Arin saw pain behind his ice blue eyes. Arin scoffed and turned his head away from Zane, crossing his arms again. "There is always a chance for an antidote Arin, in your case included." Arin scoffed yet again. "Say what you want." He said and Zane sighed.

"You press down all your emotions except anger and hatred."

Arin looked back at him with hard eyes. "Like you are going to talk. You press down anger and hatred instead, there is no difference, you still press down emotions. You press down surprise as well, how come?" Arin asked turning his whole body towards Zane, who seemed cornered for a moment.

"I do not know what you are talking about." Zane was a good liar but so was Arin. "Do not lie to me." Arin said. "You cannot just start to berate me when you are doing the same thing, just with different emotions. It's just as bad." Arin snapped back at him. "As well as surprise for some reason, that was my question, why do you press your surprise down?"

Zane seemed, for once, actually not being able to turn the tide fully in his favor and Arin had actually outsmarted him with his own argument.

"So tell me Zane, in those circumstances, are we that different?"

Arin was now only centimeters from Zanes face. Arin hadn't realized how close he was to Zane, but refused to back down either.

Zane was silent for a while, causing Arin's patience to run out. He groaned and turned around. "No answer, like usual." He said and was about to walk away.

"I suppose not."

Arin turned around and looked at Zane, confused for a moment. "We aren't that different in those circumstances." Zane confirmed, meeting the younger boys eyes. "But we do it for same reasons, just different outcomes." He said, walking up to Arin.

"I do it to keep strong in front of the others, I am the smart one, I cannot show confusion. You on the other hand-"

He took one more step towards Arin, making Arin lean backwards slightly.

"-You do it to keep strong in front of yourself, you see happiness and safety as false, as a danger. That's why you use anger and hatred, you feel like it can only hurt others and not yourself. But thats where you are wrong." He said and Arin had nothing to say as he stayed silent.

"I have met people using resentment and anger and to quote something Nya said once "Resentment is like throwing a hot rock, only you get burned." I still see that as true, especially for you. Both of them got lost in their own anger and that was their downfall."

"What happened to them?" Arin asked quietly, even though he knew the answer before he heard it.

"They died."

Arin said nothing but he felt a coldness settle in his chest. "I do not wish the same fate upon you, none of us do." Arin looked up again. "Who are we? I wouldn't care." He said and regretted answering immediately. "Nevermind." He said silently and looked away again.

Zane didn't speak at first. "I answered your question, answer mine." Zane said and Arin suddenly remembered how they got in this mess in the first place. As much as he wanted to lie again, Zane answer truthfully and a small part of him was still fair.

"No, it was not Ras."

He felt tears rise but he stubbornly didn't let them fall. "It wasn't Ras." He repeated and met Zanes ice blue eyes.

"It was me. I tried to kill Lloyd."

Chapter Text

Zane took the reveal well, to Arin's surprise.

What also surprised him was that he did not break down when he said it, but met Zanes ice blue eyes with tears in his eyes, but they didn't slip out. Zane actually didn't look surprised this time and was probably not hiding it this time.

Arin looked away, wrapping his arms around his stomach as Zane hummed. "I suspected that was the case." He simply said and Arin looked up. He was afraid, as much as he hated to admit it. He was scared that Zane would hurt him for what he did.

Ras would've done it.

Zane isn't Ras. He tried to tell himself but it was drowned out by the panicked side of his mind. Arin counted his breaths to not panic or have a breakdown.

He flinched when he felt a cold hand on his shoulder and his head flew up. Zanes eyes met his own and Arin's breath hitched for a moment. His body tensing in fear.

"I am not angry Arin."

Arin was confused, why would he not be mad? He tried to kill his leader! His friend! "But I tried to kill him! Why would you not be mad!?" Arin snapped in both anger and confusion. "But you didn't kill him did you?" Zane asked.

Arin sent him a glare. "I was going to kill him!" He exclaimed angrily, but his anger dissolved. He fell silent and thought back on what happened in the woods. He had realized this before, but had never said it out loud. In a whisper Arin admitted what his mind wanted.

"I wanted to kill him."

Arin looked up, meeting Zanes eyes. "I wanted to kill him." Arin suddenly started laughing, but it was a maniacal laugh. "I wanted to kill him! Of course I did!" He almost screamed. He kept laughing and felt tears prick his eyes and slip down his cheeks.

Zane gently placed a hand on his shoulder and Arin's laughs soon turned to sobs. He hid his face in his hands and gritted his teeth, his tears slipping out of his eyes against his will. I felt cold arms wrap around him and he leaned into Zane and Zane was as silently comforting him.

Arin hated how vulnerable he had been lately and scared he had been. Hatred seeped through his veins like acid, boiling and burning under his skin. As much as he wished all the hatred was for the ninja.

The truth was entirely different.

The truth was....

The hatred for Lloyd and the ninjas could not match the hatred for himself.

—

The sofa in the library was quite soft and Arin would probably have fallen asleep if he wasn't for the fear of the nightmares that would come with it.

Zane had left him alone after his breakdown, saying he was going to leave him alone for a while, letting him get some breathing room. Arin appreciated it, he really did, but it also annoyed him. He didn't like being dotted or treated like he was weak.

Arin sat curled up in the sofa, his arms wrapped around his legs. He leaned his chin his knees, trying to ignore the pounding headache in his head. His eyes were closed and was doing everything he could to not fall asleep, or start crying again.

Arin moved to lean his forehead on his knees instead. What's wrong with me? He wondered. Why am I like this? Arin felt tears prick his eyes again.

Why do I hate everyone and why do I hate myself? Arin wanted to know, he really did. He needed to know, why does he hate himself and everyone? He just didn't understand and he needed to know, he had to.

Arin's head snapped up as he heard the door open.

Arin had expected Zane or maybe Lloyd or Sora, but to his surprise it was none of them. It was Cole.

The ninja Arin had interacted with the least was probably Cole to be honest. He had only met Jay once and Arin was pretty sure he didn't fully count so then it was Cole who he talked to the least.

Arin's eyes were probably red from crying and Coles soft eyes met his dull ones. He was carrying a tray and looked slightly awkward as he entered. He looked around and then back at Arin again.

"Um, I have something to eat for you." Cole said after a moment of uncomfortable silence. Arin said nothing. He did not look away from Cole, he did not have the energy to do it anymore, to hide his pain from people.

Cole said nothing and then walked in, the door closing behind him. Arin kept his eyes on the door, not following Cole with his eyes,
Cole walked across the room, over to Arin and the sofa, placing the tray down on a table next to him.

Arin did not react in the slightest and just stared at the door. Cole stayed in place after he placed the tray down and looked at Arin when he noticed him staring. Cole silently scanned him, his eyes lingering at the bandage on Arin's arm covering the wound from Ras, the bandages themselves poking out from under his black oversized t-shirt.

Cole looked around and the back at Arin. "Do you want me to leave?" He asked, Arin silently turning his head to meet Coles eyes. He didn't answer and looked away again, hugging his legs harder.

Arin's real answer was that he didn't know.

He didn't know if he needed company, same thing for help. He didn't know if he needed help, if he could even allow himself to take it on.

During his time at the monastery after he returned, he had been thinking as well as he could in is mental state. His mind was shattered and it made it hard for him to even imagine taking on help, company.

A part of him knew that he needed help, but another part didn't want to get help, both because of resentment and also because he didn't want to hurt anyone accidentally by trying to get help.

He could not make a clear decision anymore, nothing was clear. He was looking through fogged glasses and could not see what his two options were until he had chosen what to do. Then the next time, the glasses were more fogged and started to crack. Arin didn't know when his decisions started to become so fogged and cracked. Started to become delusional and twisted.

When he started to crack.

Maybe it started when he was still living a normal life with his parents? Maybe he never had a clear choice, maybe it was all foggy all along, he just didn't see it.

It all made him want to scream.

"Hello?"

Arin snapped out of his mind and thoughts at Coles voice. "You there?" Arin didn't answer and just hugged his legs tighter. Cole tilted his head, looking at Arin. Arin looked straight forward, too tired to do anything, but the nightmares would come if he fell asleep. He tired to not close his eyes and kept his eyes open as well as he could.

Cole seemed to notice his tired expression. "You look tired." Cole said after a while. Arin got annoyed all of a sudden and sent Cole a cold look.

"I am tired!" Arin snapped at Cole, who seemingly did not expect the outburst. "Can you not sleep?" Cole asked and Arin looked away. He hoped Cole would leave but fate had other plans.

Arin's mind panicked felt the sofa dip slightly as Cole sat down. He said nothing and Arin didn't speak either. The two boys sat in silence on the sofa, Arin curled up and Cole sat with his legs crossed beside him.

"Can you not sleep?" Cole repeated his question from earlier. Arin unconsciously shook his head and said nothing. Cole hummed. "Nightmares?"

Arin looked at him, his hair hanging in his eyes. "Yes." He mumbled quietly. "How did you-?" Arin didn't continue his sentence.

Cole chuckled lightly. "We all have them." He answered and Arin hid half his face behind his hair. "All of you?" Arin asked and Cole nodded. "Yes, so do I." He answered and Arin looked up slightly, meeting Coles eyes.

"It's normal." Cole said, speaking first. "It is?" Arin asked and Cole nodded. "We all do, me, Lloyd, Nya, Kai, Sora, Zane, Wyldfyre and J-" He cut himself off at the end.

He was about to say Jay wasn't he? Arin thought, feeling sad for Cole. I shouldn't feel sad for this, it just gets in my way. Arin also thought at the same time.

"What are yours about?" Arin asked after a moment of silence. Cole fell silent for a moment. "Lots of things." He answered and looked back at Arin. "How about this? I tell you something and you tell me something." Arin froze for a moment, the nightmares he had flashing through his mind. Ras killing him, the ninja killing him, his parents hating him, everything that had happened, Sora lying and everything else.

But Arin needed to vent, at least a little. So he looked up at Cole and met his brown eyes.

"Alright."

Chapter Text

Cole had crossed his legs, sitting with his body turned towards Arin, carefully scanning the boy. Cole didn't know much about the younger boy, Arin and he had not interacted much before.

Arin sat with his arms around his legs and leaned his chin on his knees. His body was still turned away from Cole, his face barely visible as half his face was covered by his hair and the shadows of the low light of the room.

Cole honestly felt bad for the kid, he was barely 16 years old yet and had already been through so much. Cole wanted to tell him that, but knew Arin wouldn't appreciate it, from what Cole had heard at least from Lloyd and the others. I really wish I could tell him how bad I feel for him.

—

Arin tried to ignore Coles eyes on him and kept his eyes straight forwards, silently wondering if he was going to regret agreeing to this. He probably was, he had only made bad decisions so far, why would this one be any different?

Arin glanced at Cole next to him, who was silently scanning Arin. Arin did not like it, he felt like he was silently being judged. He probably thinks I am pathetic. Arin thought and looked up slightly, meeting Coles eyes.

Arin said nothing and Cole sighed. "Want me to start?" Cole asked and Arin nodded, almost invisibly. Cole sighed again. "Alright, I'll start." Cole said.

—

"What do you want to know?" Cole asked Arin, who thought silent. Arin sat silent for a minute, what did he want to know? What Coles nightmares were about? What he was scared off?

Arin had a headache still and barely being able to stay awake overall. Arin picked at his nails unconsciously, the skin around his nails pink and irritated as he thought.

As Arin thought one question floated up to the surface.

What did Cole really fear?

Not a small fear, like heights, snakes or the dark. A serious fear that scared him.

With how many fears Arin had, no matter how much he tried to press the fear down they were still there. If he knew what Coles fear was, maybe he could at least feel a little less pathetic, knowing he wasn't the only one with fears.

Arin looked up slightly from picking his nails.

"What's your fear?"

Cole was silent for a moment. "I fear many things." Cole eventually answered. Arin frowned, he was avoiding the question.

"Not fears, fear." Arin tried to speak as little as possible, but Cole was making that hard to do. "The biggest." Coles hand gripped his own arms, as his arms were crossed. Arin carefully watched his face, to see how he reacted.

Cole didn't say anything for a moment and Arin noticed a small tensing in the muscles in his face. His face didn't show much reaction, but his body did.

Coles hands had grabbed a cushion, probably unconsciously, and gripped it hard, like he was afraid to slip away. Arin probably shouldn't judge him for it, he often slipped away from reality nowadays. He often found himself staring at walls, thinking of nothing or everything.

Arin gripped his legs harder, his nails digging into the fabric of his pants and skin of his legs, probably bruising. The slight pain of it grounded him to reality.

"My fear?" Arin snapped out of his own mind and looked up. Cole had also snapped out of his own mind and looked at Arin with chocolate brown eyes which usually looked nice, but now looked dimmed.

Arin nodded carefully, watching Coles face carefully. "I suppose I got myself into this." Cole said, smiling slightly, but it looked halfhearted. "My fear?" Cole repeated and zoned out in thoughts.

"If I had to choose one as my worst one, it's probably failing to protect people I care about."

Arin frowned, it looked like Cole was lying, which angered him. Cole asked him to talk, why did he lie? "You're lying." Cole looked at him and was met with Arin's angered dark brown eyes, looking like dark tunnels.

"I-I don't know if I am." Cole said, confusing Arin, but also angering. "The hell do you mean?" Arin asked angrily. "I have two, I just don't know which one is the worst." He wasn't lying now, Arin saw that.

Arin wasn't sure when he suddenly got so good at noticing when someone was lying. "Then tell me what it is." Arin didn't demand it, but he sounded angry.

"Fading."

Arin blinked, what was fading? Arin said nothing and saw Cole sigh.

"When I was turned into a ghost, I started to fade, no one remembered me, I would literally just disappear and be forgotten. That's my worst fear." Cole explained and his hands gripping the cushion tightened.

It made sense now, why he gripped the cushion so tightly, he was scared to phase through it. Arin looked at the cushion, then at Coles face and lately at his own hands.

The fear was valid, Arin guessed, but for a split moment the idea of fading didn't seem so bad to Arin. Just to be forgotten, everything he did would be forgotten and he would just disappear, no pain, just gone.

Gone with the wind.

Arin also understood why Cole feared it, he had people who cared about him and people who he cared about. Arin didn't have anyone, not anymore.

Ras wanted him dead, the ninja probably hated him if they found out what he did to Lloyd, his parents were gone and Arin was cracked, shattered and destroyed, only fractions of what he used to be, a shattered mirror.

—

The two boys sat in silence and Cole picked at the small threads on the cushion absentmindedly. He was waiting for Arin to talk and sat in silence.

"It doesn't scare me."

Cole looked up, meeting Arin's dark brown eyes. The boy looked slightly zoned out, but still there, like he was silently thinking at the same time.

"Not because it isn't scary." Arin started, then stopped for a moment, looking away. "It is." Cole wondered where this was going and he guessed he wasn't going to like it.

"The reason isn't because fading sounds scary." Arin explained but Cole didn't understand, slightly cocking his head. "Then what is?" He asked Arin, who now looked up and to Coles horror, he had tears in his eyes.

"It's because I wouldn't mind it happening to me."

Coles heart broke right there and then. Arin bit his lip, hugging his legs harder and looking away. "It would be better for everyone." Cole wanted to reach out and touch Arin's shoulder, but didn't in fear of hurting Arin, or scaring him away.

Cole was getting closer to actually bonding with Arin and was making sure to not to scare him away.

"Arin, it would not be better for anyone." Cole said carefully. "Why not? Ras wants me dead, I am surprised none of you do and my parents are gone." Arin made a sound close to a sniffle. "And me?" He laughed bitterly.

"I am just shards of who I used to be."

Coles heart broke for the second time and this time he gently placed a hand on Arin's shoulder, making the boy flinch. FSM, what has Ras done to you Arin? Cole wondered silently and sighed.

"We do not hate you, nor will we ever, hating people isn't really our thing overall and even if you were only shards of who you used to be, we still care for you, broken or not." Cole paused for a moment, scanning Arin's face for any anger, but only found sadness and fear.

"Look at us, we hang around each other, and therefore broken people, all the time Arin, it doesn't matter, family is family."

Arin looked at him, his eyes both wide and thinned at the same time, Cole wasn't even sure how he managed to do that. "Family? My parents are gone." He almost snapped, but Cole could hear the tiredness in his voice. "Not all family is blood Arin." Cole said and Arin said nothing, his eyes losing any anger that had grown.

In its place, both tiredness and sadness appeared as Arin tiredly looked up at him.

"Maybe, but shouldn't family be able to trust each other?"

Cole was surprised he wasn't dead by how many times his heart had broken. "They should." He answered and placed his second hand on Arin's other shoulder. "But we can't prove our regret or trust if you don't give us a chance."

Arin said nothing for a moment and Cole didn't expect him to either. Arin leaned backwards into the sofa. "Okay." He mumbled, clearly tired out of his mind. "You should try to sleep Arin." Cole said when he saw his tiredness, then remembered how they got into the conversation about his fears in the first place.

"I can't." Arin answered, tears seemingly pricking his eyes by how much he was blinking. "Try to, I will be here if you wake up." Cole said and Arin, seemingly too tired to argue, closed his eyes, leaning backwards, but seemingly not trying to sleep immediately.

"Feeling fear."

Cole looked at Arin confused, whose eyes still were closed. "That's my fear."

Cole hummed, leaning his side into the couch. Cole silently wondered what Arin did to deserve this. All this horror and trauma. His fear alone spoke for itself.

Cole glanced at Arin, who had now fallen asleep from his rhythmic breathing.

"It's not fair." Cole mumbled to himself and to Arin, even thought the boy was asleep. He's too young. He ran a hand through Arin's hair with a sigh.

"It's not fair at all."

We were all too young

Chapter Text

Lloyd had not able to sleep for a long time and finding Arin (or rather, Arin finding him) had not helped. Sure he knew that Arin was "okay" now and where he was, but he had no insight in Arin's mind at all.

Lloyd had not talked to Arin since he had been in the infirmary because of his head injury. As Lloyd was now at least allowed to stay in his room, but not train, he had way too much time to think.

The ninja visited him, talking and keeping him company.

Everyone but Arin.

Lloyd knew he was naive for hoping that Arin would talk to him willingly. What happened during the thunderstorm was one of the few vulnerable moments Arin and Lloyd had and Lloyd could not expect anything else.

Arin had built up walls too high and strong for Lloyd to break through unless there was a very specific series of events, which were usually caused by Arin himself accidentally. Lloyd tried to tread lightly around Arin, trying to coerce him into talking on his own.

The problem was that Arin did not want to talk at all.

Nya had talked to him, telling him that just being around him was probably smarter as she told him the story of when she ran into Arin. Easy for her to say, at least Arin didn't have anything personal against her.

Lloyd blew his hair out of his hair as he sat in his bed. It was quite late and he probably should be asleep, but he just couldn't. Instead he just sat in the darkness of his room and tried to not think of anything. It was quite hard to do as a lot of things were happening at the same time all around him.

His mind unconsciously moved to Arin, as that was his biggest problem right now. Lloyd hated calling Arin a problem, even though the term technically wasn't wrong. Arin was still Arin, just changed, but still the same person, just with a few more metal health problems.

Lloyd knew from the moment he talked to Arin for the first time again after they fought, that most of Arin's wounds were mental, no matter how many injuries Arin sustained in their fight.

Lloyd knew of mental problems, he had them himself, but he had not seen any as bad as Arin's and he hoped to never see any worse. It hurt Lloyd especially much because it was Arin. He was still a kid!

Arin was barely 16 years old yet and way too young for any of this, it hurt Lloyd to see someone so young hurting like that. He wanted to help and he knew the others did as well. The problems were many however.

The first problem, Arin did not want help.

Lloyd knew talking to Arin about it would not help, as he would lash out if they did. The more anger Arin used, the harder it was for him to turn away from it. Lloyd knew anger, he'd felt that too. This meant he knew the power anger could bring, but also the destruction that came with it. Not just physical destruction towards others, but the mental destruction towards yourself.

Problem number two, they didn't know how they could help.

Lloyd knew that Arin's mind was shattered at the moment. He had clear decision problems, who to trust, showed by his reluctance to go with Lloyd or going with Ras. Arin seemingly had decision problems overall, having trouble on choosing the right thing.

Of course, in Lloyds eyes, going back with the ninja was the right decision, but that was his own belief. Arin had to make his own decision on what to do, on who to trust.

As much as Lloyd wanted to help him with this, he couldn't.

Arin's opinion was up to Arin and only him.

—

Lloyd almost jumped out of his skin when the door was opened, he had not expected visitors in the middle of the night.

Two ice blue eyes shone through the dark room.

Zane.

Lloyd could quite easily make him out in the darkness, being part oni had some perks, which is something he never would admit. His night vision was one of those perks.

"Zane? Why are you here at-" Lloyd glanced at the alarm clock next to him. "12 am?" The nindroid stepped inside, closing the door behind him. "I had to talk to you." Zane answered and Lloyd cocked his head. "About what?" Lloyd already had a bit of a guess what it was about, or rather who.

"About Arin."

And there was the confirmation. Lloyd leaned backwards slightly, his back hitting his wall. "Okay." He simply said and gestured for Zane to continue. "Arin was the one who attacked you."

Lloyd choked on his own saliva as he had not been expecting that. Zane shot him a worried look at his coughing. "Um, no Ras did." Lloyd tried to lie, but Zane sighed. "Lloyd, Arin told me, don't lie." Zane said as an answer.

Lloyd slumped backwards, knowing lying was fruitless. "Okay you win." Lloyd admitted, looking over at Zane. "Arin attacked me." Zane gave no other response than humming.

"Does it matter?" Lloyd asked and Zane looked back at him, meeting his eyes. "Lloyd, he tried to kill you and you think it doesn't matter?" Zane calmly asked. "No! I- ugh!" Lloyd threw his hands up in annoyance.

"It doesn't matter to me Zane. It might matter to you and the others, but I know he didn't want to!" Lloyd argued and Zanes face turned troubled. "That's the problem Lloyd." Zane answered, Lloyd shooting him a confused expression.

"He did want you dead. He told me that himself."

—

Lloyds mind spun around in his skull. He said nothing as his mind tried (and miserably failed) to process the information. "You must have heard him wrong." Lloyd said, looking up, trying to deny the information Zane just gave him.

Zane shook his head. "I did not hear him wrong, he had a mental breakdown right afterwards." Zane revealed and Lloyd knew that the nindroid wasn't lying, but his heart wanted to hold onto the lie that Arin didn't want him dead.

Lloyd groaned and his head hit the wall as he leaned it backwards.

Zane looked mildly uncomfortable but spoke up first anyways. "Arin is mentally unstable Lloyd, we can't deny that. There is no way of telling how he will react when you talk to him, or when you don't." Zane said, though it clearly pained him to. "I don't know to what limit this goes, how far his mind is in shattering. But I know that he needs help, soon."

Lloyds hands balled up into fists. "All that, because of a few lies?" He realized how bad it sounded when he said it. "I didn't- shit." Lloyd almost ever swore but he did now, not having enough energy to care.

Zane shook his head. "No, it could have started before that, we just never noticed. He could have had it his whole life, mental health changes throughout your life all the time, there is no way of telling when he started cracking, the lies was the final straw however."

Lloyd closed his eyes. Arin was his responsibility, no matter what anyone told him. He had to help him somehow. "Can we help him?" Asked Lloyd.

"Yes, but it will be slow and it is necessary that Arin accepts the help, or it might just get worse." That might be a problem. Lloyd thought bitterly.

Zane sighed. "But right now, you need sleep." He said, making Lloyd glare at him. "I am fine." Lloyd said and yawned. Zane sighed and opened the door to leave. "Good night Lloyd." He said and closed the door, leaving Lloyd behind to process everything.

One thing was sure however.

Lloyd was not getting any sleep.

Chapter Text

Lloyd had been correct. He did not sleep that night.

There was way to much on his mind, everything Zane told him spinning around in his head. Lloyd had a headache and had his eyes closed, yet he was still awake.

Lloyd opened his eyes again and squinted at the bright light from the sun outside. Lloyd groaned and sat up. He immediately regretted it as his head started spinning and he felt dizzy. Ugh, my head. Lloyd complained and blocked out the sun using his hand. He managed to get to his feet and stumble over to the window, pulling the blinds down.

Once the sun was gone, he removed his hand and rubbed his eyes. Just then there was a knock on his door. Lloyd saw starts for a moment as he removed his hands from his eyes. He rubbed his eyes to hard. "Eh, come in!" Lloyd called out and the door opened.

Lloyd recognized the pink hair of Sora immediately as she poked her head inside. "Did I wake you?" Sora asked worriedly. "No, I was already awake." Lloyd answered and gestured for her to come in.

Sora stepped inside and closed the door behind her. "Did you sleep at all?" Sora asked worriedly. "Eh, yeah!" Lloyd answered way too fast. Sora raised her eyebrows and Lloyd sighed. "Okay, no I did not sleep." He admitted and Sora crossed her arms. "You need sleep Lloyd." Sora argued and Lloyd raised his eyebrows.

"So do you."

Sora frowned. "I have slept." She lied. "No you haven't." Lloyd said and Sora glared at him. Lloyd took a seat on his bed and patted beside him for Sora to sit. She hesitated for a moment, then sat down.

"I suppose you wanted to talk." Lloyd said and Sora shrugged. "I don't know." Sora said and sighed. "I think I just needed to be around someone." Lloyd hummed and leaned against the wall. Sora sat with her legs crossed and her hands in her lap, looking at them.

"Have you talked to Arin?"

Lloyd looked over at Sora who was now looking at him. "Once." Lloyd answered after a moment. "After he, hit his head." Lloyd said, slightly unsure, as he still didn't know why, or how, Arin managed to hit his head. "Oh." Sora said with a frown. "You?" Lloyd asked and Sora shrugged.

"Talked to him? I barely remember." Sora said. "The last time I really saw him was when I found him passed out." She said and sadness passed her features for a moment. Sora said nothing for a while and brushed her pink bangs out of her face. Her hair was for once not in a ponytail and was hanging over her shoulders.

Lloyd was silent and tapped his arm. Sora looked down at her hands, her hair covering her face so Lloyd could not see her expression. "Sora?" Lloyd asked as she fell silent. "I-" Sora started then cut herself off. "I am scared Lloyd." Sora looked up and Lloyd saw tears in her eyes.

"What if he never wants to talk to me again? I am scared that he will never forgive me."

Lloyd hated seeing Sora hurting like this. Everything going on with Arin was clearly a lot for the young girl to handle. "Sora-" Lloyd started but she cut him off. "He hates me." Sora said. "What if he never forgives me?" Sora sounded devastated.

Lloyd placed a hand on the girls shoulder. "He will." Lloyd said, but he wasn't even convincing himself. Arin had clearly slipped down a rabbit hole and didn't know how to climb up from it. "Sora, it will be okay." Lloyd said and Sora met his eyes, her brown eyes shining with tears.

"You can't see the future Lloyd. You can't know that."

And Lloyd knew that. "But I can always hope." Sora sniffled quietly and looked away, then back at Lloyd again.

"How am I supposed to have hope the one who gave me it has already lost it?"

Lloyd felt his heart clench as Sora spoke again. "Arin has lost hope Lloyd, how am I supposed to have hope if he, my best friend, has lost it already?" Sora whispered, a few tears slipping down her cheek. "Sora, he will get through it, we all will." Lloyd assured her and opened his arms.

Sora silently leaned into his embrace and wrapped her arms around his torso. Lloyd gently held the younger girl as she leaned her chin on his shoulder. "I know ninja never quit-" Sora started quietly. "But, it feels appealing to me right now now." Lloyd felt Sora hug him tighter.

Lloyd understood her, he had felt the appeal to quit many times as well. But he knew he couldn't, for everyone's sake. "I know, I know the feeling Sora." Lloyd told the girl.

"You've wanted to quit?" Sora sounded like she didn't really believe it. Lloyd laughed lightly. "More times than you can imagine." He said, smiling, but sadly.

"I don't believe it."

Lloyd laughed again. "Well, it's true." Lloyd said with a sad smile. Sora silently leaned into him with a sigh. Neither of them said anything for a moment and Lloyd automatically ran a hand through Sora's hair as it seemed to calm both if them down.

"Do you think he will ever forgive me?"

Lloyd looked at Sora, even though he really only saw her pink hair on his shoulder. "And I want you to be honest." Lloyd sighed. "I hope he does, but like you said, I can't know." Sora sighed and pushed away from him.

Lloyd sighed lightly. "We can't change the past, but we can change the future." Sora hummed and wrapped her arms around herself. "I hope you are right, I really do." Lloyd smiled and brushed some of her hair out of her face.

"Good, now, go get something to eat, I would rather not have you starve." Sora sniffled, but also smiled lightly.

"Alright dad."

She said it sarcastically but it hit Lloyd quite hard. Sora apparently didn't notice as she just smiled and stood up, leaving the room and leaving Lloyd with his thoughts.

Chapter Text

Cole did stay, surprising Arin.

When the teen woke up, Cole was still there, sitting in silence reading a book. Arin was surprised, he hadn't expected for him to stay. Cole noticed him waking up and looked up from his book.

For once, Arin spoke first.

"You stayed."

He said as more of a question than a statement. Arin imagined a look of sadness flashing across Coles face. I must have imagined it, why would he be sad? Arin wondered.

"Of course I did, I said I would." Cole answered and smiled slightly. "Oh." Arin simply said. He sat up more straight and curled up with his knees close to his chest. His side and arm was throbbing and he grimaced from the pain. Cole noticed as he frowned. "Your side's bothering you?" He asked and Arin didn't answer.

Cole understood anyways as his frowned deepened. "You want me to get someone?" Cole asked and Arin panicked for a second. "No!" He exclaimed then realized what he did and looked away.

"Arin."

Arin didn't answer and hugged his knees tighter. "I am just going to tell you something and I would like you to listen." Arin said nothing as Cole spoke. "Can you do that?" Arin frowned, then nodded. He knew whatever Cole was going to tell him, it probably wasn't something that would bring joy.

Cole was silent for a moment, then started talking. "Look, I get that you are annoyed and angry at us, for lying, for not helping you find your parents. I understand that, but you have to think about the consequences of your actions, how it affects, not just you, but us as well." Cole said and Arin felt guilt bubble in his stomach.

"Anger and resentment will not help you, it's never the answer." Cole sighed. "We all get angry at least once in our lifetime, but sometimes-" Cole fell silent, then continued.

"It's our downfall."

It was the same thing Zane had told him before. That anger could end you. Arin knew that. Cole continued talking.

"I have seen what anger can do to people, I and all the others, don't want you to have the same fate." Cole said and Arin didn't answer. "Anger will just hurt the ones around you and yourself. It's bad to let it control you." Arin looked down at the floor and hugged his legs tighter.

"I know."

Arin spoke and he saw Coles movement out of the corner of his eye. "But I can't help it-" Arin looked up at Cole with both tired and sad eyes. "It's too-" Arin cut himself off and closed his eyes for a moment, then looked at Cole again.

"Tempting."

—

Cole walked through the halls of the monastery deep in thought.

Arin had asked to be left alone in the library, saying he just needed some time alone and time to think. Cole had been hesitant, but listened, not wanting to anger Arin. It was not that he was scared of Arin, he was just worried.

"It's too tempting."

Arin's words echoed in Coles head. Cole had thought about it for a little while now and had now started to compare it to an addiction of some sorts. Anger was like an addiction to Arin and thats why Cole listened to when Arin told him to leave, the anger might, well scratch that, will, make it worse.

Cole wasn't sure if he should tell the others about this or keep it to himself. He didn't want to anger Arin, but knew that the others had to know. Cole groaned and ran a hand through his hair. It shouldn't be this hard! Cole thought angrily.

Cole was the oldest of the team and had comforted all of the ninja at some point, some more than others. That meant he was a bit more skilled on that front, but this was harder for some reason.

It could be that Cole and Arin wasn't that close, or that Arin's situation was different. It could be any reason, but it was harder, there was no denying that. It hurt Cole to not be able to help Arin as much as he wished. Cole knew Arin was, well used, to be closer to Sora and Lloyd, but he also knew that Arin was the most hesitant to talk to them.

"Hey! Your head in the clouds or something?"

Cole snapped out of his head and thoughts as Kai's voice shone through. "Oh, just, thinking." Cole answered, rubbing his neck. Kai hummed. "You sure?" Kai asked, worry evident in his tone. "Yes, there is just a lot going on." Cole answered and Kai frowned. "True." Kai admitted and sighed.

"Have you talked to Arin?" Cole asked. Kai nodded and had solemn expression appear on his face. "I have, have you?" The fire ninja asked. "Yeah, you could say that." Cole said with a sigh. "Wanna get something to eat?" Kai asked and Cole nodded.

The two boys walked towards the kitchen in silence, both thinking. Cole wondered what Kai talked to Arin about. He didn't ask, if Kai wanted him to know, then he could tell him on his own.

Entering the kitchen, they found the rest, other than Arin, there was well, to their surprise. "Oh, hey!" Kai said in slight surprise. "Morning." Lloyd said, but looked extremely tired and in thought. Understandable, it's his student after all. Cole thought and sat down at the table.

Sora was silently tinkering with something, Wyldfyre was drawing, Zane was cooking something, Nya was writing something and Lloyd was, like Cole noticed earlier, in thought.

The atmosphere was tense and no one spoke for a while. This was the first time they were all gathered in one room since Arin came back. Zane placed down some food and sat down as well. Cole and the others, minus Lloyd, grabbed some food. Lloyd seemed to deep in thought to notice that there was now food on the table.

Sora noticed and sighed, then snapped her fingers in front of Lloyds face, making him jump. "Food." Sora simply said and turned back to her food, mostly just poking it with her fork.

Cole wasn't too hungry either, but ate some food. "Well, this is depressing." Kai stated after another moment of silence. He didn't mean in rudely, just an observation. "I agree." Nya said with a sigh, looking up from her paper.

She had bags under her eyes from lack of sleep, they were however, nothing compared to Lloyds or Soras, they looked like they hadn't seen a bed in years. Cole frowned and decided to just address the matter at hand.

"How do we deal with all this." Cole asked and no one needed clarification on what he meant. "I have no idea." Sora said. She had given up on her food and was now just sitting with her fingers tapping the table. Lloyd still looked absent, but he was listening, judging from the frown appearing on his face.

"Has anyone talked to him?" Sora asked and Cole nodded. To his and seemingly Soras surprise, Kai, Nya and Zane also nodded. Lloyd frown deepened, he looked almost, jealous? "Great, so he talks to everyone but me." Sora stated with a frown.

"He hasn't really talked to me either." Lloyd said, speaking up for the first time in a while. Cole bit his, wondering if he should inform them or not. Kai had a similar expression on his face. "Anyone have any idea how to help him?" Nya asked, leaning backwards on her chair.

"I don't think talking will help." Zane said. "He needs to make up his mind on what to do on his own." Lloyd did not look happy at this. "There has to be something we can do!" He exclaimed, almost angrily. Cole saw that he was both desperate and under pressure.

"Anger management."

They all looked at Kai. "He has the same problem as me, anger issues." Cole was both surprised and slightly impressed. Kai never admitted that he had anger issues, but now he did, showing how much Kai cared.

"A few days ago, remember the training dummy I broke?" Kai asked. "Yes, why?" Nya asked, seemingly not sure where this was going. "It wasn't me, it was like that when I arrived. Arin broke it." Kai explained.

"What?" Sora asked, sounding confused and worried. "He broke it?" Kai nodded. "I took the blame." Kai explained, leaning his head in his hands. "Why?" Cole asked. "I wanted to be able to talk to Arin, see why. I just guessed that if it was anger, then I would be able to see myself in him the most." Kai said, shrugging.

It was a fair point and Cole frowned, he was still wondering if he should say what he found out. "I talked to Arin last night and this morning." Cole blurted out and leaned on his arms. "You did?" Nya asked. "Yeah." Cole answered. "What did you two talk about?" Lloyd asked. "Fears and things like that." Cole answered and sighed.

"When I told him how dangerous anger could be, he gave me a, worrying answer." Cole said and Zane spoke up. "I talked to him about the same thing. "Yeah, he admitted something to me on the other hand." Cole said. "We can't read minds, spit it out." Wyldfyre said, but worry was evident in her eyes.

"He said, anger is too, tempting." Cole said with a sigh. "I have in my mind, started to compare it to an addiction, the feeling of being in control for a little while-"  "Is like a drug." Kai finished for him and Cole nodded. "He is, in some weird way, addicted to anger."

The room was silent.

"Fuck."

They all looked at Lloyd in shock, he never swore. "I understand what he is feeling and thats worrying me, other than that he is in danger with this, addiction." Lloyd explained, almost talking to himself more than any of the others.

"What do you mean? You say you understand what he is feeling." Zane asked in worry. "My oni side." Lloyd said in an unreadable tone. "I understand what he is feeling because of that." Sora and Wyldfyre looked confused. "Eh, oni? What's that?" Sora asked in confusion. "Long story." Nya said, dismissing it to get Lloyd to continue talking.

"This is the same and different at the same time." Lloyd said and groaned. "That's pissing me off!" He exclaimed in a raised tone. "We will figure it out." Nya assured the blonde. "I know, but-" Lloyd cut himself off. "It happened again."

Dread settled in Coles stomach. "What do you mean again?" Kai asked from beside Cole. "I went into oni form again." Lloyd said and before any of them could talk continued. "When I fought Ras. He was going to kill Arin and I guess I lost it." Lloyd sighed and slumped, leaning his head in his hands.

No one spoke for a while. "We will deal with that and Arin, everything will be okay." Kai assured and Lloyd looked up. "I hope so." Lloyd said and stood up.

"I really hope you are right."

Lloyd then left the room, leaving the group in silence and worry.

Well, this just got even more complicated.

Chapter Text

Tick

Tick

Tick

Tick

Tick

Tick

Ti-

Arin watched the time tick by, watching the hands on the clock slowly move. Arin wasn't sure if this calmed or stressed him. Counting breaths helped him calm down, while counting seconds wasn't as calm as he counted the seconds of his life slowly being counted down.

One day had passed since he last talked to anyone, his sleep last night being plagued by nightmares again without anyone there to help him with them. As much as Arin hated feeling like that, needing someone to be there to not feel scared.

Arin sat with his legs close to his chest, leaning his chin on his knees. He had been sitting in this position so much lately, his back was starting to hurt.

Great, my body cannot even handle sitting anymore! What the hell is wrong with me? I can't even exist normally, doing normal things! Arin thought, pretty much screaming at himself.

Of course you cannot even do basic tasks! Weak! A voice in his head screamed at him, causing Arin to close his eyes. Shut up! He mentally yelled at whatever voice was in his head.

Arin placed a hand in his hair, but quickly withdrew as he noticed how dirty his hair was. He had still not showered yet, which was probably weird and disgusting.

Arin knew he needed to shower, but the idea both terrified him and appealed to him at the same time. Weak. The voice spoke up again, causing Arin to almost punch the wall.

Arin stretched out his legs and breathed out deeply.

He was getting tired of this.

He was tired of everything.

Arin sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He sat there in silence, his mind already spinning. Arin leaned on the windowsill and stood up, making sure to use his good arm when he leaned on the windowsill.

His side was throbbing in pain. The pain was dull however and it was because of his head spinning and the headache was distracting him from the pain in his side and arm.

Arin walked over to the door and slid it open. He held his hurt arm with his right hand and exited the room, hoping to not regret this.

—

Arin entered the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He leaned on the sink and tried to stop the dizziness in his head. "Fuck." Arin swore and looked up into the mirror.

He looked horrible.

His skin was pale and he had big eye bags underneath his eyes and his face was sunken in. He could see his ribs through his shirt and it hung loosely around his body. When he pulled up his sleeve, he could see the bandages around his arm that were covering the wound Ras caused.

Arin sighed and closed his eyes again. His side was throbbing still and now it was more prominent than before. Arin glanced at the shower. Taking a shower sounded both appealing and terrifying at the same time. Arin knew he looked dirty and needed to shower, but the water.

It scared him.

—

The reason for Arin's fear was dumb in his eyes and just another sign at how mentally and physically weak he was.

He and Ras had been traveling for a while and ended up close to a lake. This was still pretty early on and Arin was more, stubborn and didn't listen as much. He had not yet grown to really fear Ras, but this certainly sparked that fear.

Arin had been training, well rather failing, near the lake and Ras was clearly frustrated with how useless he was, yelling insults constantly.

"Don't you want to see your parents again?! This shows that you clearly don't want to find them that badly!"

"The ninjas teaching methods are useless, just like you are being right now! Unlearn anything they told you!"

"You are just a weak pathetic being! I don't even know why I am wasting time on you at all!"

"If you continue like this, you will never find your parents!"

The insults were getting to Arin, they really were, until he snapped and angrily exclaimed that he was trying his best and that Ras should just leave him alone.

That was a mistake.

Ras had not appreciated the comment and had roughly grabbed Arin's shoulder, his claws digging into Arin's skin making him scream in pain.

Arin had tried to get out of Ras grasp, but the tiger man was a lot stronger than Arin was. This was the first time anything like this had happened and everything going on scared Arin to his core. Struggling did not help and neither did screaming as Ras pulled him down to the water.

Before Arin knew it, his head was underwater and he couldn't breathe.

As he tried to struggle out of Ras grasp that was now on his neck, he was slowly losing consciousness.

While under the water, Arin's was panicking and doing his best to not pass out, but it was growing more and more difficult as time went on.

Arin's head was pulled out of the water just seconds before he passed out. His tears were mixing with the lake water on his cheeks as he gasped for breath and coughed at the same time.

Ras had screamed something at him, which Arin could not make out through his still panicked mind. Before he had realized what was going on, his head was back underwater.

That was the first time Arin really believed Ras was going to kill him.

Arin still struggled, even though that just worsened his situation, and tried to break free of Ras grasp, but all he felt was immense pain as Ras claws dug into his neck and shoulder. Arin screamed even though he just lost oxygen as he did so.

Arin was yet again pulled out of the water just before passing out. Ras had screamed something again and this time Arin could make out a few words.

Weak, worthless and pathetic.

A perfect description of Arin.

The process had happened two more times before Ras had finally dragged him onto the beach, dropped him on the ground, kicked him and left him there was he walked off to look for something.

Arin had been shivering, bleeding from his shoulder and neck and coughing as water had entered his lungs. Blood, tears and water from the lake mixed on the rocky beach, the stones digging into Arin's palms and knees as he coughed, trying to desperately get the water out of his lungs.

Since then, Arin had been scared of any type of water. He had also had problems with his breathing, often coughing when breathing to harshly. This was almost three months ago, but it still hurt sometimes when breathing.

—

Arin snapped out of his thoughts with a gasp and leaned on the sink sideways, the memories flooding his mind. Arin glared at the shower, he couldn't let fear take over.

Arin pulled off his shirt and he immediately noticed how skinny he was, as well as dirty. Dirt and dried blood was covering his body and he glanced at his side, where the wound Ras recently cause was located.

The bandages made it hard to see, but Arin could feel it was there. The dire blood was mostly close to that area and Arin frowned again. He turned the shower on and stepped backwards as it started up. Fear was staring to grip him again, but he pushed through and stepped into the shower.

The water made him panic for a second, the memories flooding his mind again. The feeling of not being able to breathe, the claws digging into his neck, all of it came back.

Arin snapped out of it and took a small step backwards, out of most of the waters range. Arin frowned, this might take a while, but he refused fear to get the best of him.

—

It took Arin almost 40 minutes to be able to shower. As he stepped out, he saw how dirty the floor of the shower now was, showing how dirty he had really been.

Arin pulled on another shirt he had pulled with him and a pair of pants as well. Arin looked in the mirror and even without the dirt and blood, he still looked horrible.

Arin's old shirt had been a turtleneck and cover up the scars made by Ras that day by the lake. His shoulder was not visible, but now that he was wearing a t-shirt, his scars on his neck and the wound on his arm were all on display.

Arin hated looking this weak, but he was tired of the other shirts as they were incredibly warm and he hated them. Arin's side was hurting like hell still and he wondered if there was any painkillers or something in the bathroom.

He knew there was a medical cabinet in the bathroom, which could have painkillers. Arin opened it and was met with what looked to be thousands of different pills and medicines. How much different pills could the ninjas need? He asked himself and grabbed a small box with what he saw was a type of painkillers.

He closed the cabinet and turned to leave when he spotted something out of the corner of his eye.

A pair of razors by the side of the sink. He wasn't sure why he didn't spot them before, but Arin picked one up, looking at it. He accidentally cut his thumb with it and he dropped it. It landed on the floor, but Arin looked at the blood appearing on a cut on his thumb. That blade was sharp.

Really sharp.

It distracted him for a moment from his broken mind a thoughts. Arin looked at it as the blood ran down his thumb. That might help.

Arin left the bathroom and walked towards his room, hoping that the ninja wouldn't notice that they now had one less razor.

Chapter Text

Drip

Drip

Drip

Drip

Drip

Drip

Di-

Arin slowly watched the blood drip down into the sink, coloring the water red. His reflection was seen, tears mixing in the red, rippling the surface and distorting his face in the blood red water.

Arin felt his eyes burn from all the tears he had cried. His wrists were also burning, his hands covered in blood. It didn't feel like all the blood was his own either. By helping Ras, how many people had been hurt? Been left to bleed? And it was all because of Arin.

Arin felt his wrists sting every time a tear landed in the wounds he caused, so the pain was his to blame. He squeezed his eyes shut, breathing deeply.

His mind was spinning, blood loss probably, but Arin couldn't care less. The pain distracted him from all the problems at hand, no matter the toll it took on his physical being.

Arin opened his eyes again, looking down at his reflection. The tears dripping down from his eyes and cheeks caused ripples in the water, making his reflection to distort, a perfect picture of how Arin felt.

Arin lifted his hand weakly, looking away from the water and at his blood coated hand. The razor blade was bloody and as he moved his arm, blood dripped down into the already red water. His arm stung like hell, but it didn't bother him.

Arin saw his reflection in the mirror and he saw some blood on his cheek, most likely from him trying to wipe away his tears. Arin sighed and opened the drain, letting the red water disappear.

He turned on the water, sticking his wrists underneath, wincing at the sting. The water was quickly colored red as he washed away as much of the blood as he could.

As the water drowned the blood, Arin leaned his head on the mirror. A headache had been pounding Arin for two days now. Some of it was from dehydration probably, as he was not drinking much and the rest was because of lack of sleep.

Nightmares plagued Arin's sleep, which they had since the merge happened. Arin knew his mental health had declined since the merge, just from losing his parents alone, which also was what the early nightmares were about.

Arin snapped out of his thoughts and looked down at his wrists. The cuts littering his wrists weren't deep, but many. At least six cuts decorated each arm around the wrist area. Arin was careful so no one would notice, wearing long sleeved shirts and he had also unconsciously started keeping his arms behind his back.

Arin turned off the water, wrapping his arms in bandages, just so they wouldn't bleed through his shirt and rat him out. After that, he quickly washed off the razor and put it in his pocket.

He looked to make sure there were no traces of what he was doing, then turned off the light and quickly left the bathroom.

—

Lloyd had not been able to sleep for almost a week. He knew this would cause enormous problems with his health, but he was, ironically enough, too tired to care.

Everything with Arin was taking a toll and Lloyds health. He was sleeping less, eating less and overall, just taking less care of himself as he spent most time worrying about Arin.

After what Cole and Kai revealed, about Arin's anger, Lloyd was scared to approach Arin. He wasn't scared of Arin, rather for him. He was scared to scare Arin away, make him leave again.

Lloyd had told Arin, when they met again, to convince Arin to come back to the monastery, that he did not have to stay after he had healed. Lloyd didn't regret the decision.

Okay, maybe a little bit, but he knew that Arin would never had agreed if he didn't give Arin some choice of his own. Sure, if Lloyd wanted to, he could have used Arin's poor mental state at that moment to lure him, but Lloyd was never or never would, do that.

Lloyd breathed out and stared at his cup of tea. Lloyd had never actually liked tea, the tomorrow tea just bringing a bitter taste in his mouth whenever he thought about it. But after he started training Arin, Sora and Wyldfyre (even though that was more Kai than him) he had started drinking it. Maybe it was a master thing to like tea? Lloyd didn't really bother to find out at the moment.

Arin wasn't the only thing hanging on his mind either. Lloyd going into oni form was a shock and a scare to him. Lloyd had sworn never to use the damn form, but he had not been able to control it in the moment.

When Lloyd saw Ras raising his hammer to kill Arin, who looked more scared than Lloyd had ever seen him before, he hadn't been able to control it, he just saw red and snapped.

He let the oni side of him take control again.

Lloyd ran a hand through his hair and frowned. This was worrying, he thought he was done with all the oni stuff, but of course fate screwed him over again.

Just his luck.

Lloyds head snapped up when he heard the door to the kitchen, where he was sitting, opened. It was around midnight, so Lloyd had not expected anyone to be awake still.

And talking about luck, or rather not luck. The person opening the door was Arin.

The boy looked worse than the last time Lloyd saw him. He had bags under his eyes and looked exhausted. You could see the mental toll with everything going on in Arin's brown eyes.

He froze when he saw Lloyd. "I was just-" Arin spoke first, surprising Lloyd. "Getting something to drink." Arin pointed at the sink. Lloyd said nothing for a moment, looking at the clock.

"At 12 am?" He asked and Arin looked away. "Yes." He answered, looking at his feet. Lloyd looked away from the clock and back at the boy. "Um, nightmares?" Lloyd asked.

Lloyd hated at how hard it was to talk to Arin all of a sudden. But with what Cole and Kai said, he felt it was better to take it safely. Arin said nothing, but it answered Lloyds question anyway.

Arin quietly walked over to the cabinet, grabbing a glass. Lloyd said nothing and looked back at his book. It was some book about realms and Lloyd was trying to figure out why it all happened. But as he was tired, he could not focus and was mostly just looking at the pages, the words blending together.

He heard the sink being turned on behind him. Lloyd listened to sound, leaning his head in his hands. His hair hung in his face, but he didn't bother to care, he was too tired to.

Arin grabbed his glass and turned to leave, but paused.

"Lloyd?"

Lloyd looked up as he heard Arin talk and stop in the doorway. "Yes?" Lloyd asked curiously and cautiously. Arin had his back turn, but Lloyd could see just from his posture alone that he was uncomfortable.

"Why didn't you give up on me?"

Arin sounded confused. Lloyd blinked. "Why would I?" Lloyd asked. "I was a lost cause and I still am. So why bother?" Arin asked quietly. "Because I care." Lloyd answered truthfully. "And what did that lead to?" Arin said in a cracked tone. "Look at how you ended up because of it."

Lloyd heart ached at Arin's words, he just wanted to help Arin, make his pain go away. "Arin, my health does not matter in this case. You are my student, I hold responsibility over you." Lloyd answered and Arin looked at him.

His eyes had mixed emotions, sadness and anger mixing into some broken expression. "What do you mean your health doesn't matter?" Arin said, badly concealed anger in his tone. "Why would it not matter?!" He exclaimed angrily. Lloyd didn't answer and just looked at him.

The two looked at each other in silence. Arin's anger drained from his face and he just looked tired. Lloyd spoke up eventually. "Arin, my health matters but right now, yours is worse than mine." He explained. "What do you mean mine is worse?" Arin asked, confusion in his voice. "Have you seen your injuries?" He asked and Lloyd frowned. "Not all health is physical Arin." He said.

Arin's face changed as he understood what Lloyd meant. "I-I am fine." Arin answered, his face flickering between angry and scared. "Arin, you are not okay." Lloyd said and Arin's face now showed anger only. "Oh great! So now you call me mentally unstable!" He almost screamed.

Lloyd's eyes widened. "No! That's not what I said-" Lloyd started but Arin cut him off. "But thats what you meant? Didn't you?" Arin accusingly asked.

Lloyd paused for a second too long and Arin's face fell, tears building up in his eyes. Before Lloyd had time to speak, Arin turned and ran out the room.

Lloyd caught a glimpse of Arin's face before he disappeared out of the door.

He was crying.

And it was because of Lloyd.

Chapter Text

Kai wasn't the person to think things through a lot. He was usually the impulsive one, not the thinker. But for once, he was actually thinking everything through.

The whole thing with Arin had confused Kai to some degree and had definitely influenced many changes in behavior for Lloyd and Sora, whom Kai had noticed changing, or developing bad habits. They were obviously nothing compared to how changed Arin was, but it was definitely noticeable.

And after Kai's chat with Arin about what happened with Ras, Kai had started to wonder how changed Arin really was and how much was something he was dealing with before all or this.

Arin had clearly developed some kind of anger issues and like Cole had said, he couldn't really help it, as thats what Ras taught him. To harness his anger and use it, even though it worked to use in battle, it only worked short term and only damaged Arin and the people around him.

But what really shocked Kai was how Ras treated Arin. Kai didn't expect him to be nice, far from it, but he didn't actually expect for him to genuinely hurt Arin physically and mentally. The claw marks on Arin's arm spoke volumes and there was no denying the wound was intentional on Ras part.

Kai could not, and didn't want to, imagine what other wounds Ras inflicted and he knew that Arin had many more to show, both scars and bleeding wounds.

But what hurt and shocked Kai the most was that Arin didn't seem to realize this was wrong. When he talked to Arin and Arin had spoken of how the wound was his fault because he wasn't strong enough and was too scared. Kai had genuinely tried not to cry.

He wasn't the closest to Arin by a long shot, but he still cared for him like he cared for anyone else in the monastery and finding out how Ras wounded him mentally and physically had almost gotten Kai to track Ras down then and there. He obviously didn't as Arin needed someone there for him at the moment.

Arin coming to the conclusion that he was genuinely abused was hard for Kai, as he saw the broken look in Arin's eyes when he finally realized what happened.

When Cole had told him and the group about how almost addicting anger was to Arin, Kai realized his mental state was far worse than any of them thought.

Kai knew that Arin was, without doubt, mentally unstable. Not in the way that he was insane, but in the way that disturbed his decision making and who was friend and who was foe.

That had gotten Kai thinking, how much of Arin's broken mental state came from Ras and how much was from before Ras, maybe even before the merge?

How broken had Arin been before even meeting Ras, or knowing he existed? It felt as to Kai that it was almost impossible that all Arin's problems mentally stemmed from Ras abuse.

There had to be something that happened before.

—

Kai paced his room with his hands behind his back. His room had a desk and a chair and on the desk was some papers and books. Kai had been trying to research mental health and what could cause trauma and behavioral changes.

He sat down again. "Why am I doing this?" He complained and ran a hand down his face. Kai peeked through his fingers down at the book he had been reading.

Kai removed his hand and picked up the notebook he had written some notes or important details in. It probably wouldn't help him, but he could always try.

As he had been 'studying' there books, he had come to a few conclusions.

One: Arin had some kind of mental problem before he joined the ninja team. Some kind of trauma, or just bad experience with something that scarred him.

Two: Ras teachings corrupted Arin's thinking, he saw, well tried, to see it from Ras perspective from what he learned.

Three: Arin had some mental illness caused by the trauma he endured with Ras and maybe even something before it that effected his decision making skills, as well as his thoughts, Kai just wasn't sure what the illness was.

These notes didn't exactly help Kai, but he tried to understand Arin more than just trying to help him by being nice. Zane would probably be better at this than me, but I might as well end what I started. Kai thought with a frown, leaning backwards in his chair, his arms crossed.

The biggest problem Kai was now meeting now was that he didn't have a clear picture of what Ras did, or anything about Arin's life before the merge, nor much about his life in the crossroads. From this, he couldn't make a clear assumption for what mental problems Arin had other than anger issues, nor what trauma he endured.

Kai groaned in annoyance. This was bugging him, even though he didn't have to do it. No one made him research mental illnesses or mental issues, yet he did it. Not just for his and Arin's sakes, but Lloyds and Sora's as well. They were worried sick, no matter what they said, it was obvious by how they acted.

Obviously, the best way of getting this information was talking to Arin, even though the teen clearly did not want to speak about anything that happened with Ras. However, Kai wasn't sure how Arin would react if he asked about Arin's life in the crossroads or before the merge.

Maybe Kai was wrong and nothing traumatic happened before or after the merge (Not counting Ras abuse) to Arin and Kai was just being paranoid. Yet Kai's gut told him there was more to the story than Ras wounding Arin with his claws, that he did more than that and something happened before the merge or just after that caused Arin's mental health to decline.

One illness that had caught Kai's eye was something he had really only heard of.

Schizophrenia.

Arin checked some of the boxes for symptoms in younger people. Kai read that some symptoms were normal teenager symptoms and were therefore sometimes looked over, so Kai made sure to include them in his list of symptoms Arin checked.

He looked down at his notes again, reading the symptoms Arin checked out to some degree.

—

Anxiety: Arin passed out because he it the side of a table while having a panic attack, he definitely have anxiety

Depression: It would make sense if he had it, but I am not sure.

-Changes in thinking-

Changing friends: He isn't really close to Sora and has been pushing everyone away when he can.

Trouble sleeping: It doesn't look like he has slept in ages.

Irritability: Definitely.

Lack of concentration or being able to follow a train of thought: I can't tell if that is true, but he seems zoned out from what Nya and Zane told me.

Seeing or hearing things that aren't real (hallucinations): This was apparently also a sign of PTSD, so I added it if it were to be true, but this was unusual with young people.

Paranoia—thinking someone is talking about them or after them: Arin seems paranoid, but I can't really tell.

Dwelling unreasonably on the past: I mean, this whole thing is caused by something in the past, so it seems likely.

Angry outbursts: Definitely, no questions asked.

Talking to themselves, using odd speech you can't understand or making rapid changes in topic: Sora said he has talked to himself in his sleep and when he thought she was asleep, even before he ran away.

Inappropriate responses, such as laughing during a sad movie: He laughed when talking to Cole, even though it was not a laughing matter, Zane also saw him smiling during the same circumstances.

"Trouble" reading social cues in others: He went with Ras, that does show some type of trouble reading people and social conversations.

Becoming more and more isolated: He doesn't like talking to any of us.

Problems making and keeping friends: This is directly related to isolation that I wrote earlier.

Poor personal self care: He doesn't sleep and barely eats or drinks.

Threatening behaviors: He is quite aggressive, linked to angry outbursts.

—

Kai frowned at his notes. These symptoms were only the boxes Arin checked. Some of these could be explained as normal teen behavior and some were hard to know without talking to Arin directly.

Kai picked up a pen and spun it between his fingers. These notes weren't exactly cheering him up.

"Kai?"

Kai jumped and spun around on his chair.

Wyldfyre looked at him with raised eyebrows. "You? Reading? That's a first." She commented, looking at the books and notes and Kai sighed. "Things change." He answered and she closed the door behind her. "Tell me about it." Wyldfyre said and sat down on his bed.

Kai went back to spinning his pen, which he had dropped. "What are you reading?" Wyldfyre asked curiously. "Nothing important." Kai lied, but Wyldfyre frowned. "It must be is you are thinking this much." She reasoned. "Also I stood there for a few minutes and you didn't notice, so you are engulfed in these books, as well as what looks like personal notes."

Kai sighed as an answer. "Fair enough." He said. "Also, you are not being defensive as you would usually be." The red haired teen said. "I am just tired." Kai answered, which wasn't a complete lie. "Fair." Wyldfyre admitted.

Kai looked back at the girl. "Any reason you are here?" He asked and she nodded. "I was just curious on where you were, Cole was also worried." Wyldfyre said and Kai sighed. "Just reading." He said. "And making lots of notes." Wyldfyre said and Kai glared at her.

"Just saying." Wyldfyre defended herself, holding her hands up. "Are you planning on sitting here for the rest of the day or can we do something? I am bored and it might get your mind off things." She proposed. Kai glanced at his notes and sighed. "Alright." He agreed and Wyldfyre grinned. "Great!" She jumped off and exited the room.

Kai glanced at his notes with a frown.

I'll have to talk to Arin after this. Kai decided, grabbed his sword and exited the room.

Because I am getting to the bottom of this.

Chapter Text

Kai was distracted while sparring with Wyldfyre, thinking about how he was going to approach Arin. The hard part was not scaring the teen away, as Arin by now seemed to have a habit of lashing out.

Kai walked away from his spar with Wyldfyre with a some burns, as he was bad at paying attention. Wyldfyre had headed down to visit Heatwave while Kai headed to his room.

Kai threw his sword in the corner, slumping onto his chair. He looked at his notes and the books he'd grabbed. Kai knew that "confronting" Arin was a gamble, as the teens temper was unpredictable by now. But Kai wanted to help him and knowing if he had any mental illness could help to understand him and maybe be able to hold a normal conversation with him.

Kai picked up his notebook and once again read through it, thinking. Should I ask someone else to do this? Zane maybe? He is better at this than me. Hell, if Jay was here, he would have been more useful! Kai sighed, running a hand down his face. This was the best idea Kai had to help Arin.

Kai stood up. He could take a shower first, then talk to Arin. Kai had enough of a headache already.

—

Kai returned to his room ten minutes later, closing his door behind him. He glanced over at the notes and picked the notebook up. He'd made a habit out of reading through the book and now it was almost imprinted in his head. Kai sighed, putting on a clean shirt, then grabbed the notebook and left his room.

The halls of the monastery was quiet, even though it was in the middle of the day. Kai guessed the others were doing something else, somewhere else. He almost walked into Nya when he turned a corner. "Hey!" She complained. "Sorry sis." Kai apologized and Nya noticed the notebook in his hand.

"You can write?" She asked jokingly and Kai rolled his eyes. "Of course I can." Nya laughed. "What are you doing?" She asked curiously. "I was going to the library." Kai lied. "I was going to help Sora with some project. Also, what's up with you lately? You didn't read at all before, now Zane has seen you in the library multiple times in the past week." Nya asked, her hands on her hips.

"I guess I found reading more fun than I previously thought." Kai said, rubbing his neck. "Are those burns?" Nya asked, gesturing at his arm with a worried expression. "I sparred with Wyldfyre, I was not paying attention." Kai admitted sheepishly. "Nothing serious."

Nya hummed, not fully looking convinced. "Okay, but head by Zane later to check them anyways." Kai nodded, not bothering to argue, knowing he'd never win. Nya nodded. "Alright, see you around bro." Nya said, walking off. "Yeah, see y'a sis!" Kai called after her, then continued walking.

He hadn't realized Zane had actually noticed Kai spending more time in the library. Not like Kai was really bothered by it, he had started enjoying reading more than before, just that what he read was more interesting than fun.

After reading about mental issues for almost a whole week, you almost had to start finding reading interesting. Kai walked, his notebook held tightly in his hand. He wasn't worried that Arin wouldn't answer, he was worried that he would. If Kai found out something that could change their perspective of Arin, then he wasn't sure if he was going to be able to keep that a secret from the others. It would just continue to bug him the longer time went on.

Kai eventually reached Arin and Sora's room. He knew Sora wasn't there, thanks to Nyas explanation of where she was going. Kai opened the door, peeking inside to see if Arin was even there.

Arin was sitting cross legged on his bed, leaning against the wall. Kai saw that he was mostly staring into space, as he was looking at his hands, which were in his lap, with tired eyes.

Kai knocked on the side of the doorframe, Arin's head snapping up and towards the door. "Hello." Kai said, feeling awkward. Arin said, nothing looking away. Kai frowned. "Can I come in? Or do you want to be alone?" He asked, not wanting to force Arin to be in his company.

Arin was silent for a moment, then shrugged, leaving the decision to Kai. Kai closed the door behind him, carefully walking up to Arin and sitting down at the end of the teens bed. Arin jumped slightly, which made Kai's frown deepen.

"Why are you here?" Arin asked quietly, without meeting his eyes. "I wanted to check up on you, as well as ask you some things if thats okay?" Kai asked the dark haired teen. "What questions?" Arin mumbled and Kai gripped his notebook harder. "I guess about your, health?" Kai said. "I am just curious."

Arin looked away with his whole head again. "Why? Why do you want to know?" He questioned. "I am curious and trying to help. I am aware that you don't want help Arin, but you will not get better if you don't." Kai argued and Arin wrapped his arms around his body. "I am my better self, I am stronger." Arin snapped back, his anger flaring up. The problem was, Kai's anger was doing the same thing.

"Are you though? Better self? No offense Arin, but haven't you had a mental breakdown that almost ended with a concussion? You didn't have that before!" Kai snapped, Arin's head snapping back towards him.

"I did!" Arin yelled, standing up, to Kai surprise.

"I did have breakdowns! Multiple times! Both before and after the fucking merge! You just weren't around to see them!"

Kai could have sworn that Arin's eyes had a golden shimmer in them for a moment before it disappeared. Arin sunk down on the bed again, putting his legs close to his chest. Kai was silently standing, looking at Arin.

Kai, who hadn't even realized he had stood up, sat down next to Arin, who, again, flinched. "If what you are saying is true, then you need to talk to someone, thats part of why you have the breakdowns then, because that the only way you can get what's you are hiding inside, out." Kai said, wanting to place and hand on Arin's shoulder, but deciding against it. "If you talk to me, then I can try to help."

Arin was silent for a moment, before looking up again. "Fine."

Chapter Text

Arin sat silently, his head on his knees, avoiding Kai's eyes. Kai wondered how to start this conversation and also sat silently for a minute. Kai read through the notes on his paper to be busy before speaking up.

"When did you have a breakdown like this for the first time?" Kai asked and Arin sat silent for a moment. "When I was 8." Arin answered, sounding unsure. Kai blinked, Arin's answer both worrying and sad. "Oh, can I ask why?" Arin curled up even more and Kai was suddenly hit with how young Arin really was.

"It's stupid." Arin answered defensively. "Not if you have a breakdown from it." Arin shrugged. "How much do I have to say?" He then asked. "Not more than you are comfortable with, but I won't tell anyone unless I think it's necessary." Kai answered the teen, who nodded. "Okay." Arin mumbled.

Kai waited for Arin to start talking. "Well, I was in school one day and I don't remember why they did it, but some guys started picking on me when we were on break like usual." Usual? Kai asked himself mentally. "I snapped back at them and they were quite pissed at that." Arin paused, glancing at Kai, who kept his face natural. "I have always been easy to embarrass and they knew that. They sorta beat me up, then they splashed me with water. Everybody laughed, I was never popular and I know it's stupid, but like I said, I am easy to embarrass. I had a breakdown later in the bathrooms."

Kai sat silent. It was wrong what the kids did, but its usual kid stuff. Kai did not understand why this would cause Arin to have a mental breakdown. "Had they been doing it for a long time?" Arin nodded, his cheeks flushed in embarrassment. "A few years." Kai hummed. "Is there any reason you reacted like that, that day specifically?"

Arin was silent for a moment. "I don't know. I think it had built up for a while." Arin answered with a shrug. "I guess." Kai thought for a while. "Did you have many?" Kai asked after thinking. "What's the usual amount?" Arin asked. "I-I don't think there is a usual amount Arin." Kai said in confusion. "Oh." Arin said simply. "Well, I had around-" Arin was silent for a moment before answering.

"Before the merge, between the ages of 8 and 10 I had maybe 12 breakdowns or something like that."

12 between the ages of 8 and 10?! It's maybe usual for me or any of the other ninja, but Arin was a kid and had, as far as I know, no traumatic experiences! Kai exclaimed in his mind. That's probably a lot for a kid that age.

"Kai?" Kai looked at Arin. "You there?" Kai nodded. "Just thinking." Kai answered the teen. "Well, Arin, did you have any, traumatic experiences before the merge?" Arin thought for a moment. "I don't think so, why?" Why? Why is he asking why? "Just wondering." Kai answered.

"After the merge then?"

Arin sent him a both angry and sad expression. "Well, my parents disappeared so there that." Kai felt stupid, of course, that was Arin's whole driving force right now. "Well how many breakdowns have you had after?" Arin looked away. "I don't know." Arin mumbled, hugging his knees.

Kai carefully placed a hand on Arin's shoulder, feeling a pang of sadness as Arin flinched. "Well, can you recount any events that might have caused them? Other than your parent's disappearance?" Arin was silent for a while. Kai let him think in silence. He was aware of some of the injuries Ras caused, but not all of them. They probably contributed to Arin's mental health.

"Well, I have almost been killed multiple times before." Arin mumbled, Kai's head snapping back towards him. "What? By who?!" Arin looked away. "Randoms on the street trying to get money or something." Arin answered quietly. "Okay, um, anything else?" Kai said, slightly dazed.

"I have been kidnapped two times." Arin mumbled. Kai looked at him with wide eyes. "I was not ready for anybody to attack me either times and was overpowered easily."

"I still have scars from it."

Kai felt a sudden urge to punch something. "Why did they kidnap you?" Arin shrugged. "I don't know why. Maybe they were just psychopaths?" Kai wanted to ask specifically what they did, but Arin did seemingly not want to discuss it.

"Sora was also taken once. I helped her escape, but I never found out what they did to her as she didn't have too bad injuries, she never told me."Well I am going to have a chat with Sora after this. Kai decided silently.

"Okay, are those the main ones?"

Arin nodded, but looked unsure. Kai sighed. "Listen Arin. I am not going to force you to say anything, but I can see that there is more." Arin was silent as Kai spoke. "Arin, I need to ask. Have any of our actions been the direct reason for your breakdowns?"

Arin was still quiet, then gave a small nod and Kai's heart sunk. "I'm sorry." Arin mumbled and Kai gripped his shoulder. "You have nothing to apologize for Arin, don't say that again." Arin looked at him with tired, but surprised eyes. "Okay." He mumbled with a sigh. "Any specific times you remember?" Kai asked carefully. "No." Arin answered, but unsure. "They are only parts of it, but they have sometimes been the last straw for them to happen.

Kai sat in silence. How could we have missed this? Arin has clearly been hurting and none of us noticed! Kai felt guilt creeping into his chest, festering. "If any of my actions have been responsible for it, then I am sorry." Arin blinked, almost in annoyance. "You don't have to worry." He mumbled, but it sounded annoyed.

Kai hummed, not convinced. "I am, again, not going to force you to say anything. But other than this-" Kai gestured at Arin's clothed arm that had bandages underneath.

"-what else did Ras do?"

Arin tensed, not surprising. Kai had no idea how Arin's mind worked, but he was clearly not okay from Ras abuse. Kai had started to feel some responsibility over Arin's health after finding out about what Ras did, how he felt for Nya. The big brother responsibility as Cole called it.

"Nothing big." It was a lie, that much was clear and Kai was slightly disappointed, but what did he expect. "Okay, you can tell me anytime, when you are ready." If he's ever ready. Kai thought silently, standing up. "I'll see you around Arin." Kai said and Arin said nothing, barely noticing him standing up.

Kai sighed and left the room, leaving Arin with his memories and thoughts.

Chapter Text

Late night and Lloyd was still awake. He was sitting in the living room, reading a book. Well, he wasn't reading it, mostly just scanning the pages, nothing actually getting into his head. He was tired, but he wasn't going to be able to fall asleep even if he tried.

Lloyd glanced at the clock on the wall. It said that it was around 11 in the evening. He had used Arin's return to the monastery as an excuse for why he couldn't sleep, but that was not all. Lloyd had been having strange nightmares, as he usually did. But this time there was a figure with red eyes and some voice telling him to "Find me."

I am tired of finding people with little information. Lloyd thought bitterly, leaning his head in his hands. He really was tired of finding people and doing things for them.

"Lloyd? Why are you still awake?"

Lloyd glanced at the door of the living room, being met with the sight of Sora's hair standing everywhere. "Could ask you the same Sora." Sora yawned and walked inside the living room. "Couldn't sleep." She answered, sinking down on the couch next to him. "Neither." Lloyd answered the pink haired girl.

"Have you tried sleeping at all though?"

Lloyd chuckled awkwardly in response and Sora sighed tiredly, sinking into the couch even more. "Whatever." She mumbled tiredly. "Nightmares?" Lloyd asked the teen and she gave a lazy shrug. "I've been having weird nightmares." Sora answered tiredly and yawned again.

"About what?" Lloyd asked, placing down his book on the small table in front of them. "I don't remember it all, but they seem like a warning." Sora answered and shivered, wrapping her arms around her chest to stay warmer.

Sora was at the moment only wearing a pink and white tank top paired with some pajama shorts. It was autumn and quite cold outside, so she must be cold sitting in just that.

Lloyd scooted closer to Sora and wrapped an arm around the teens shoulders. Sora leaned into him tiredly in response, her head on his shoulder.

"I only remember small details." She said and Lloyd hummed, leaning his head on the top of hers. "Like-?" Sora thought for a moment. "A full moon. A normal one, not the Blood Moon." Sora answered with a lazy shrug, not moving from her position. "It doesn't tell me anything really."

Lloyd thought for a second before speaking. "Anything else?" He asked Sora, glancing down at the teen. "A glint of a blade, in red." Sora answered, sounding as confused as Lloyd felt. "It doesn't give us many answers does it?" She asked. "Not really." Lloyd admitted to Sora, who said nothing. .

The two sat in silence for a while. "I do remember one more thing now when I think about it." Sora mumbled quietly into his shoulder. "What's that?" Lloyd asked her. "A golden glow. Not an explosion, just a very bright golden, orangey glow." Lloyd hummed, none of this helping him to understand at all. "Well, maybe don't ponder about it too much Sora. It could just be usual nightmares." He was more trying to reassure himself than Sora and she knew that.

"I don't think they are normal nightmares, but I can try anyways." Sora answered, glancing up at him. "Good." Lloyd mumbled back and she leaned back into his shoulder.

After that, neither spoke and ten minutes later, Sora's breathing had evened out, the teen having fallen asleep. Lloyd noticed that she was in fact asleep and gently picked her up, careful to not wake her up. Then started carrying her through the halls of the monastery towards her and Arin's room.

Lloyd noticed how young the teen looked when she was asleep. Her facial features relaxed entirely for once. Lloyd smiled softly, he wished she would be this relaxed when awake. She was too young. We all are. Lloyd thought for a moment as he opened the door to Sora and Arin's room.

Arin was, for once, asleep in his bed. He, like Sora, looked younger. Lloyd sighed sadly and placed Sora down in her bed. Her pulled up the cover over her and sighed. "You are both too young for this." He mumbled quietly before walking over to the door.

Lloyd looked behind him at the two teens asleep before closing the door and heading to his room.

—

Lloyd woke up to an alarm blaring through the monastery. He hoped straight out of bed when he heard the alarm. It didn't take long for him to get dressed and ran out of his room towards the control room below the monastery.

He ran into Sora and Arin on the way. They both looked tired, especially Arin, who looked like a ghost with how pale his skin was. None of them spoke and they all three just ran down into the underground hangar.

"Zane! What's going on?!" Lloyd called out as they arrived. "Intruder alarm." Zane said, pressing buttons. "Who?" Kai questioned, his hair a mess, but for once didn't complain. "I am trying to get a view." Zane answered and continued pressing buttons.

The ninjas stood in silence, waiting on confirmation on who was here. On the screen, people appeared, but no one Lloyd recognized as they were all random people, then realized that they weren't people they were- "Shadows?" Kai questioned, confused. "Why and how?" Lloyd was as clueless as Kai.

"That's not all." Zane said and zoomed in on the back of the shadows trying to break down the walls of the monastery. Lloyd squinted, then recognized the figure and Sora did too, her gasp giving her away.

"Ras!"

Chapter Text

Arin paled, freezing in place. Sora wondered what was going through his mind. Can't be anything good. She thought, looking back up at the screen. She clenched her fists at the silhouette of damn tiger that caused Arin to turn out like this.

The rest of the ninjas had also spotted him, as well as heard Lloyds exclaim. "What is that fucker doing here?!" Kai exclaimed angrily. "And what is all these?!" He gestured at the shadows. "No idea, but they are going to take down our barriers if we don't figure anything out!" Nya snapped.

Sora looked around the group.

Arin was pale and looked to be having a existential crisis, Kai and Wyldfyre were fuming, literally, smoke was rising from their hair, Zane was silently assessing the situation, Nya was pressing buttons, starting up the monastery's defense, Cole was also pale, but he also looked angry and lastly Lloyd, who seemed to be using Kai as an example, looked furious.

Sora had honestly not seen Lloyd that mad before, even if he wasn't speaking at all. The green ninjas face was as calm as you would expect, but in his eyes swirled a storm ready to be unleashed. Sora herself was also furious. She had never liked Ras, but what he did to Arin was the final straw. All the ninjas, Sora included, looked ready to beat Ras up for what he did to their youngest member.

"Zane? Any idea what those are?" Cole asked, keeping his cool as well as he could, but Sora could see cracks in the ground around his feet, showing his true emotion. "No sadly not." Nya looked up from starting up the defensive system. "Great." She mumbled sarcastically.

Arin was still silent and he looked both younger and smaller than what he really was. "What does Ras want anyways?" Sora asked after a moment, trying, and failing, to keep her voice steady. "No clue." Zane answered, sounding annoyed and confused. Sora sighed deeply.

Just then an explosion shook the monastery.

Sora screamed in mostly surprise and lost her footing. The others reacted the same way, falling over and calling out. Sora was caught by someone before she hit the ground. Sora lost her breath for a moment before gaining it. Glancing behind her, she saw to her surprise that it was Arin.

The teen was shaky on his feet, but his hands held Sora steady. He said nothing as Sora got to her feet. "Thanks." Sora thanked him. Arin simply nodded, then grabbed a katana on the ground.

"They have broken through the defense!"

Sora gave Nya her full attention. The screens showed the shadowy figures breaking through the walls of the monastery. "We have to leave!" Kai called out. "We can't fight shadows!"

"No."

Sora looked at Lloyd with wide eyes. He looked pissed. More pissed than what Sora had ever seen him. Lloyd was physically shaking with withheld anger, his eyes burning with green blazes.

"I am tired of Ras fucking up our lives!"

Lloyd spat out Ras name like a slur, something that wasn't worthy of his oxygen usage.

"I am not hiding, nor am I running from this-"

Lloyd was having trouble with coming up with something to call Ras and gestured wildly and angrily with his hands. Lloyd didn't finish that sentence, not coming up with anything bad enough to call Ras, instead he continued with his screaming.

"I am not running! I am facing that fucker in battle! Even if it kills me!"

It was quite clear by now what Lloyd was going to do. You are going to kill Ras aren't you? Sora realized and so did the others. The expression on Lloyds face told pages.

The ninjas looked at Lloyd with wide eyes. "You cannot be serious Lloyd!" Kai exclaimed. "I am dead serious Kai." Lloyd answered, anger making his voice shake, but not only that. Sora could have sworn that his voice was almost distorted.

"You aren't just going to fight him until he leaves, are you?" Sora asked after a moment of silence. Lloyd didn't meet her eyes when he answered.

"No. I am not letting him leave."

Lloyds answer made Sora's heart sink. "You're going to kill him." Sora confirmed and Lloyd nodded, his arms crossed. "You can't just kill him!" Nya exclaimed. "I mean, he's an asshole sure, but we have met people like that in the past!" She argued, walking up to Lloyd. "I don't care." Lloyd answered.

"I am killing him."

It was the first time Lloyd said it out loud and it hit different now. "Lloyd-" Lloyd spun around, glaring at Kai. "What?!" Lloyd screamed. Sora was now sure that his voice was distorted. "Do not tell me to stop! Because I ain't going to fucking stop!" Lloyds eyes flickered in purple.

"Lloyd."

Lloyds angry expression dropped drastically as he turned towards Arin. The teenager was holding a katana in one hand and the other was holding his other arm.

"You are going to kill Ras?"

It was more a repeat question, Arin clearly knew that Lloyd had made his decision. "Yes." Lloyd answered, having called down slightly, his voice normal.

"Good, I want to help."

Arin had clearly made up his mind the second Lloyd said what he was going to do. If Ras was going down, then he was helping. Lloyd looked at him wide eyed.

"Arin." Lloyd seemed to not know how to continue. "What? I want to help." Arin snapped angrily. "I have more than enough reasons to want to see Ras dead!" Arin yelled and gestured at the screen. "And we do not have time to argue! If we want to stop whatever the shadows are, then we need to move!"

Lloyds eyes flickered between Arin and the screen. "He's right, what do we do?" Sora said, cutting through the silence. Arin was silent for a moment, "I have an idea."

—

Arin was not in the best mood. Why does he have to show up?! Arin gripped his katana tightly as he snuck through one of the secret corridors of the monastery. "Since when did we have these?" Arin asked after a moment.

Lloyd was silent for a moment. "I don't know really. Since before the merge." Lloyd answered, not looking at Arin.

It had been a while since Arin returned to the monastery, but the tension between Arin and Lloyd, as well as Arin and Sora had not loosened up. Arin was still having some trouble forgiving them for their lies. But in this instance, his anger for Ras was stronger.

Lloyd trailed behind him and almost walked into Arin when he stopped. They had reached a ladder. "Hm." Arin hummed, poking the ladder with his katana. "Where will we exit?" Arin asked and Lloyd shrugged. "I think it's on the inside of the courtyard." Arin looked at him. "What?!" Lloyd blinked at his outburst, but said nothing.

Arin groaned and placed the katana on his back. "Better than nothing." Arin grumbled, the shadows around them flickering. Lloyd said nothing as Arin started climbing up before following himself.

It wasn't a very long climb and Arin soon reached the trapdoor, almost hitting his head. Arin reached up, pushing the door open before jumping up, pulling out his katana on the way.

The courtyard had shadows all around. Lloyd came up behind him. "What are these?!" Lloyd exclaimed, blocking an attack from the shadowy figure. Arin rolled out of the way of an attack, before attacking himself. His sword phased straight through the shadow.

"The hell?!" Arin exclaimed and ducked before jumping away from another attack. "They are shadows! Our weapons will pass through them!" Lloyd yelled, sending an orb of energy after a shadow.

But as fast as they attacked, the shadows disappeared into shadows on the floor, moving on the ground into the monastery. Arin looked after them, confused. Just then a boom was heard and Arin pointed his sword towards the blown in entrance to the monastery.

Ras was standing with his hammer, looking angry. Arin's breath hitched in fear.

"This is between us." Ras said before pouncing.

Chapter Text

Arin called out in surprise as Ras pounced at him. He just managed to roll out of the way in time, avoiding Ras hammer smashing down where he had been standing seconds ago.

A green blur smashed into Ras before he had time to move. Lloyd's hands were glowing in green. "No, this is between us!" Lloyd screamed angrily. Ras looked surprised for a moment before looking amused. "Oh really?" He asked, clearly trying to piss Lloyd off.

Arin found an opening to attack Ras as his attention was on Lloyd. He randomly jumped at Ras with his katana. Ras was faster and rolled out of the way. Ras did not appreciate this and swiped at Arin with his claws. He rolled out of the way, Ras claws only hitting air.

Lloyd jumped at Ras as well, angrily sending an energy blast after Ras. Lloyd was clearly not holding back and swiped at Ras with his sword at the same time as Arin did.

Arin almost fell over from the shockwave of Ras hammer hitting the ground. Lloyd managed to move out of the way, dust flying around and cracks on the ground where he had been a moment before. "Lloyd!" Arin called out, which sadly turned Ras attention towards him again.

"You!" Ras screamed angrily and swung at Arin with his hammer. Arin managed to flip out of the way, the hammer striking the wall of the monastery, cracks spreading like spiderwebs. Lloyd now jumped at Ras again, the tiger just barely dodging.

The two continuously jumped at Ras, swiping at him with their sword and katana separately. Arin was growing angry as well, not only that, but fearful too. Lloyd was attacking Ras without mercy and Ras was attacking him in the same anger in return. They are not going to give up are they? Arin realized as he swiped at Ras.

"You going to give up?!" Ras called out to Lloyd. "Nope!" Lloyd answered angrily, sending an energy blast after Ras. It exploded in green flames, making Arin jump at the force of the blast. Ras had to dodge Lloyd's green spinjitzu immediately after by rolling out of the way. Ras landed closely to Arin as he jumped out of the way of the blast.

Sadly, Arin was not paying enough attention to where Ras landed. All Arin had time to register was the sound of something slashing through the air. Suddenly he felt a pain flash across his face and his back hitting the ground.

—

Lloyd didn't have time to react or warn Arin before Ras slashed at him with his claws. Arin screamed in pain was Ras claws dug into his face, blood splattering on the ground.

"Arin!" Lloyd screamed in fear as Arin fell to the ground. At that moment, Lloyd forgot all about Ras and ran over to Arin, who was lying on the ground. Lloyd dropped to the ground next to his first student, his sword clattering down next to him. "Arin?" He asked, his hand's hovering over Arin as he was scared of hurting Arin more.

Arin's eyes were tightly closed, but opened at Lloyd's voice. Blood was covering Arin's face, his eyes wide. Tears and blood streamed down his cheeks, the blood pooling beneath him. The amount of blood scared Lloyd. He didn't know what to say or to do, fear paralyzing him. No. Lloyd's mind was spinning.

Lloyd woke up when Arin coughed, trying to speak. Lloyd's hands flew to Arin's shoulders. "Arin?" Lloyd could not see Arin's face more clearly. Four deep wounds were across Arin's face, Ras claws had definitely scarred Arin for life. Lloyd felt tears prick the corner of his eyes.

But just then Lloyd heard a laugh behind them.

Ras was laughing with an evil grin. "Seems like you can't protect him forever!" Ras gloated, laughing. Lloyd felt anger start to bubble up to the surface. "Oh, you're angry now?" Ras taunted. Lloyd couldn't wait to wipe the grin off his face. "You better fight harder now! I doubt it though! You never cared about your students anyways!"

Lloyd snapped.

Lloyd felt his hands start to glow purple. He was aware that his body had changed, his oni side taking over him entirely. "Believe me Ras." Lloyd growled.

"I am going to wipe that grin off your fucking face!"

Lloyd pounced at Ras, swiping at him with his sword which he picked up. Ras rolled out of the way, swinging at Lloyd with his hammer. He dodged out of the way and punched Ras in the face, sending him flying into the wall. Ras growled in anger, his grin now gone. Told y'a I would wipe the grin off your face! Lloyd thought and smirked.

Ras pushed himself off the wall, swiping at Lloyd with his claws. Lloyd jumped out of the way, landing on the wall of the monastery. He only had two things on his mind. Keeping Ras away from Arin, who was still lying on the ground with an alarming amount of blood all around him, and killing Ras.

Ras landed on the roof in front of him too. Lloyd held his sword tightly in one of his hands, the full moon reflected in the blade. The full moon? Lloyd thought, then he remembered.

Sora's dreams!

Lloyd's blood ran cold and barely had time to jump out of the way. "Running away? You scared, ninja?!" Ras taunted again. "No." Lloyd answered, then held his sword towards Ras. "But you should be."

Lloyd slashed at Ras, sparks flying when the blade and hammer connected. Lloyd sent a punch at Ras again, one he evaded and sent back at Lloyd. Lloyd flipped back and spun around, Ras barely managing to dodge the green spinjitzu sent his way.

The full moon shone down on the two fighters. The tiger and the oni in the middle of a battle of life and death. Ras swiped at him again, this time grazing Lloyds arm. He called out in pain, gripping his arm.

Lloyd looked at his hand, his own blood coating it. Lloyd yelled and jumped at Ras. Ras rolled out of the way and Lloyd flipped down from the wall again.

Ras landed, ready to swipe at Lloyd again. But he didn't have anytime to swing his hammer at Lloyd, as a katana flew through the air, slashing his chest. Ras called out in pain. Both Lloyd and Ras looked over towards where the katana came from.

Arin was standing with his hand out, blood dripping from his face and splattering onto the ground. He was breathing deeply. Ras growled, pouncing at Lloyd's first student. "NO!" Lloyd threw his sword too, copying Arin's idea.

Lloyd's aim was a little off, the handle of his sword hitting Ras in the head. Ras turned his attention to Lloyd again. Lloyd was starting to have problems seeing straight from the anger of Ras trying to kill Arin.

Lloyd, in a blind rage, threw himself at Ras again, his fist connecting with Ras jaw. Blood splattered on the ground, blood trickling down Ras chin. The tiger growled in anger.

The moments after that were hazy, Ras and Lloyd attacking each other, both going on for a deadly strike. Lloyd sent Ras flying into the wall again and then jumped at the tiger again. This time however, it all went wrong.

—

All Lloyd had time to register was Arin's cry of fear before sharp pain shot through Lloyds abdomen. Ras stood in front of him with a grin wide on his face. "Seems like I've won." Lloyd glanced down at his abdomen.

A katana was piercing his abdomen, blood already pouring out of the wound. Ras had picked it up during Lloyd's blind anger. Now Lloyd paid the price for his blindness. Ras pulled the katana out of Lloyd's body and kicked him hard, making Lloyd fly across the yard.

"LLOYD!"

Arin's scream was probably heard in the entirety of the merged lands, echoing all around Lloyds head. It pierced the air itself. Lloyd's body changed back to his normal body as he hit the ground, the oni side of him fading away for the time being. His vision was already spotty and blood poured out of the wound.

Arin's bloody face came into view. "No, no, no..." He fell to his knees next to Lloyd. Lloyd could not say a word, his head spinning. There were lots of things Lloyd wished to say to his student, most of all, he wanted to apologize, but his voice failed him. Arin was dripping blood and tears onto Lloyd's face, but the green ninja couldn't bother to care, he was probably already dead anyways.

Suddenly a bright golden light shone through the monastery. Lloyd, through his blurry vision, saw the source of the light.

Arin.

Arin's eyes were glowing in a golden light, tears and blood still streaming down his face. He was standing straight up, facing Ras from beside Lloyd. Ras looked genuinely scared as Arin took a step towards him, his fists clenched. Arin started glowing, his whole body emitting a golden light.

Then a golden explosion of light blinded the world of the merged lands. The last thing he heard was Ras scream of terror before his vision went black.

Chapter Text

Golden glow, bloody swords and full moons all swirled around in his head. Arin with golden eyes, Ras scream of terror and shadows all merged together, creating a swirling portal that he fell through. A red eyed figure speaking to him. Who was he? He spoke of saving him. Why? Who are you? He wondered before a bright light blinded him and he fell into darkness.

—

The first thing Lloyd registered was pain. The pain came from his abdomen and it felt like a thousand needles piercing his skin continuously.

Lloyd made a sound of pain as he moved slightly. The only plus was that the pain told him that he was alive. Lloyd cracked his eyes open, the light of the room almost blinding him. Lloyd blinked repeatedly before his brain registered that he was in the infirmary.

"Lloyd?"

Lloyd recognized Kai's voice immediately and glanced to the side. The red ninja had eye bags underneath his eyes and his eyes were red from the lack of sleep. "Hi." Lloyd managed to get out before coughing. Kai quickly gave him some water so Lloyd would stop coughing.

"Did-did we win?" Lloyd croaked out, the question hanging in the air for a moment. "Yes." Kai answered after some silence. "All thanks to Arin apparently." Lloyd suddenly remembered Arin. "Is he okay?!" Lloyd exclaimed in worry. "He's in a coma, but alive." Kai answered with a sigh. "It's been two weeks since the attack."

Two weeks.
The words echoed in Lloyd's head. "Two weeks?" He repeated, some fear creeping up. "Yes." Lloyd laid in silence for a moment. "What happened really?" Kai bit his lip. "We were simply holding off the shadows as well as we could. They were overwhelming us and we were losing." There was a "but" hanging in that sentence.

"But then a bright golden light shone through the monastery, the shadows evaporated from it. We heard a scream and then a ringing silence, the light disappearing." Kai paused for a moment.

"We ran to the courtyard to you and Arin. You were passed out on the ground, bleeding an ocean. Arin was standing on his feet, well he was floating a bit above the ground. His eyes were glowing golden before fading and falling down. Ras was no where to be seen and we didn't have time to worry about him as both you and Arin had lost a scary amount of blood."

Kai sighed. "You both almost died, both of you falling into a coma." Lloyd was silent, his mind processing what was going on. "Any idea what happened to Arin? What it was?" Kai was silent. "Zane managed to identify what the bright light was." Kai said, looking almost confused.

"It's the same energy that appears when you reach your full potential. Lloyd, that was an elemental power."

An elemental power? Arin has an elemental power? Lloyd's mind was spinning. "What?" He simply mumbled. "We have no idea how none of us noticed, but it's true. Zane recognized it, it appeared when he, me, Jay, Cole, you, Nya and Sora all reached our potentials. He's sure, but confused." Kai answered, his arms crossed. He looked over behind Lloyd.

Lloyd managed to turn his head and his heart clenched at the sight of Arin. His face was stitched up, but he would always have those scars, that was something Lloyd was sure of. That reminded Lloyd of his anger for Ras. "What happened to that fucking tiger?" Lloyd said bitterly, looking at Kai for answers.

Kai smiled slightly. "We didn't know at first, then Zane found a scorch mark on the ground. The same thing that happened to the shadows happened to Ras, he was literally evaporated. Arin killed him." Lloyd's eyes widened. "What kind of power does Arin have?" He said it to himself. "No idea." Kai answered anyways. "I suppose we will have to find out."

Lloyd nodded slowly. "I suppose we do."

—

The next few hours were not very funny. Lloyd laid in silence alone with his thoughts and the "sleeping" Arin. His mind hurt from everything going on and his abdomen burned like it was still an open wound even though it was stitched up. Lloyd was worrying about Arin and his dreams at the same time.

Who is that figure? Why does it ask me for help all the time? Lloyd wondered with some annoyance. He laid on his back with his eyes staring up into the ceiling. What does it want with me? Lloyd glanced over at Arin. And what is up with Arin? Lloyd sighed quietly and just looked at Arin's sleeping form.

The teen had lost weight, which was normal in a coma, Lloyd had also lost weight from his own coma. The wounds Ras inflicted were stitched up and lying across Arin's face. The scars that would come from that wound would be very visible and never fade. The same went for the mental scars Ras inflicted, they would never fade, no matter how much time passed.

Lloyd heard the sound of a door opening and turned his head tiredly towards the door to the infirmary. Sora's hair was messed up and she had bags under her eyes, similarly to Kai. The difference was that Sora's eyes were puffy and red from crying.

"Kai said you were awake." Sora simply said, stepping inside. "I guessed so." Lloyd answered tiredly. "Zane pretty much forced me to take some sleeping medication, as I could not sleep." Sora explained, sitting down on the chair next to Lloyd where Kai had been sitting.

"I get some Deja Vu, do you?" Lloyd asked, hoping to lighten the mood. Sora simply frowned. "It's not a joking matter." She answered, her voice tired. "Just trying to lighten the mood." Lloyd defended himself, glancing over at Arin. Sora noticed what he did and looked over at Arin.

"I am worried." Sora said after a moment of silence. "So am I." Lloyd mumbled. "Lloyd?" He looked at his student. "Yes?" He asked Sora. "Do you think, if he wakes up, he will forgive me? Eventually?" Lloyd noticed her unsure tone. "When he wakes up. I don't know if he will forgive me or you, but I do hope he will understand how much we regret it." Sora sighed quietly.

"I hope so too, dad."

Chapter Text

All Arin remembered was golden light and an intense searing feeling all over his body, then nothing. Just searing silence and darkness. All of a sudden a bright golden light appeared again and Arin screamed.

—

The bright light and searing pain all over Arin's body made him scream. He wasn't sure if it was the pain, light or just fear. Arin's throat hurt from the scream, as it was dry as hell.

He flew into a sitting position. Why was I lying down? Arin gripped his face as searing pain flashed through it. He panted and felt fear creep in his veins. He felt disoriented, having no clue where he was and the pain made his head spin.

Suddenly there was a pair of hands on his shoulders. "Breathe Arin! Please!" Someone exclaimed, the fear evident in their voice. Arin's breathing slowed down, but he continued to breathe very deeply, his face hidden in his hands. His legs were drawn up to his chest and pain was still numbingly high.

There was a moment of silence before a voice cut through the silence. "Arin?" Arin looked up between his fingers. He almost started crying at the sight of Sora's scared expression. "Oh thank the First master." The pink haired girl mumbled, her hand at her chest. Arin stared at her. He had feared she was dead or something along those lines, as all he remembered was a bright light and screams.

Arin, in a moment of impulsivity, fear and vulnerability, threw his arms around Sora's neck.

The girl made a startled noise, not expecting the hug. Sora barely wasted a moment though, as she hugged Arin back almost immediately. Arin felt tears press into the corners of his eyes and slip down his cheeks. At the moment, he was too tired to care about that. All he cared about was that Sora was alive.

He felt his shoulder become damp, telling him that Sora was also crying. They had only hugged when Arin first came back to the Monastery and back then Arin had barely hugged her back. Now he initiated the hug, too tired to care about anything else than his best friend.

"What happened?" Arin managed to choke out without coughing, but barely. Sora pulled away slightly, her hand still on his arm and grabbed a glass of water. Arin drank it, too tired and thirsty to argue. "Lots of things." Sora answered, wiping one of her tears away.

That's when Arin remembered Ras, Lloyd and their fight. The invasion, the shadows, all of it. He also remembered Lloyd's stomach impaled with Arin's own katana. "Lloyd?" Arin simply asked, but Sora understood. "He is okay, laid in a coma for around three weeks, but he is awake now. He is also in his own room by now."

Three weeks? Arin wondered. "How long have I been out?" He asked. "Four and a half weeks." Sora answered. "We weren't sure if you were going to wake. You or Lloyd, you had both lost a lot of blood." Arin now remembered Ras claws slicing his face and reached drop to touch the wound. "How bad is it?" He asked and Sora looked away.

Arin's heart sank. "That bad?" Sora looked back sadly. "It doesn't look too bad, but it will scar quite badly." She admitted and reached into her pocket, picking up a small mirror, which Arin had no idea why she had in the first place. Arin took it from her hands and angled it so he could see his face.

Four wounds went across his face, all stitched up by now, but still very bad. Some blood was still escaping, but not much as it was well stitched up. "Oh." Arin simply said.

"If it makes you any happier, you will not have to deal with Ras." Sora mumbled and Arin tore his eyes away from his mangled face. "What do you mean?" He asked confused. "He is gone." Sora explained. "Dead." Arin felt some weight he didn't know was there lift from his chest. "Did Lloyd kill him?" Sora shook her head and met his eyes. "You did."

Arin's eyes widened. "What?" He simply asked in confusion. "Me? How? I am weak." Sora grabbed his hand not holding the mirror. "You are the opposite of weak Arin." She said strictly.

"You are the strongest person I know. Getting hurt like you have and still keep going? If that ain't strength then what is? How Ras dies just proves that you aren't just strong mentally either."

Arin blinked, her hands holding his warm. "I-" He started, but shut up after a look from Sora. He switched subject slightly. "What do you mean how Ras died?" Sora paused for a moment, sitting silent. "Ras was evaporated, by you." Arin blinked in shock and confusing. "What?" He repeated from before. "How is that even possible?" Sora sighed and met his eyes.

"It is possible because we were wrong Arin. You have an elemental power and a strong one that that."

Arin's world stopped spinning for second. Elemental power? No way. Why? How? Arin's mind started spinning and he leaned back against the bed. "Wha-" He could get his words out.

"It's true. Zane picked up that the bright light that killed Ras had of the same energy that appears when someone reaches their full potential. Your power is just very powerful." Sora explained, still holding his hand. "What is it?" Arin asked, his head still spinning. "We aren't sure, Zane needs to talk to you to be able to decide." Sora explained. "Well, the light evaporated all the shadows and Ras too. That's all we know."

Sora sat silent for a moment, looking away, seemingly contemplating something. Arin sat in silence too, thinking hard, his mind spinning on its own axis. "Arin?" He glanced at Sora. "Yea?" Sora sighed. "You probably don't want me to say this, but I need to say it." Arin didn't have time to say anything before Sora spoke.

"I am sorry. Sorry for lying. Sorry for failing you. I am supposed to be your best friend, someone who supports you when you are hurting. Instead all I did was cause you more pain. I should have been truthful about what I did, then maybe this would never have happened. I am sorry Arin, I truly am. If you never forgive me, then I have to accept that, but I promise you I will try my best to make it up to you." Sora paused, tears in her eyes.

"I love you Arin. You are my little brother and I miss you. You and your happy energy, your optimism. Please stay. I have never had anybody who understands me like you do. I don't care if you aren't perfect! To me you are perfect and nothing will change that! Ever! No matter how much you change, my perspective of you wont change! I love you and I am sorry I failed you"

Sora was openly crying by now, tears streaming down her cheeks. She let go of his hands to wipe her cheeks. Arin sat silent, staring at her with wide eyes. She sees me a brother? Arin had never had siblings before, but then Sora came along and it was like he gained a part of himself.

"Sora."

The girl tearfully met his eyes. "When I met you, it was like finding a part of myself. You filled part of the space the merge created. I've never had siblings, but if I did, I would imagine you in that position."

Arin, for the first time in over four months, looked at Sora with no anger. He felt tears build up in his eyes again before choking out the words that had felt so distant barely a month ago.

"I forgive you."

Chapter Text

Sora helped Arin to stand. She had promised to take him out of the infirmary under the promise that he would rest later. ("You do not need to exhaust yourself too!")

"You doing alright?" Arin nodded. The problem was that his head was spinning, not any injuries. He was just feeling weak overall. "I think I can walk on my own." Sora rolled her eyes. "Bullshit." She swore. "Your body is tired enough as it is and do not come at me with the "I am not weak" crap. You aren't weak, but your body is exhausted enough." Arin shut his mouth quickly.

Now that their friendship was a bit better, Sora had started acting like she used to, which was a relief, it was honestly annoying when she walked on eggshells around him. She kept an arm around his shoulder as he stood. "I feel like a child." Arin grumbled. "You are younger than me. You are a child." Arin sent her a glare. "Oh shut it."

Sora carefully let go of him. Arin managed to stay on his feet. "I think your strength is starting to return." Sora said with a hum. Arin simply nodded. His hand unconsciously moved up to his face, touching the wounds displayed. "Don't touch it." Sora said. "You might make it start to bleed again." She warned and Arin resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Can we just go?"

The two had decided to talk to the rest about whatever was going on with Arin. His mind was still a bit fuzzy from the revelation at having an elemental power. "Yeah, come on. Tell me if you feel dizzy." Sora pretty much demanded. Arin made a grumble of agreement and followed the pink haired girl out through the door.

Arin noticed as he left that his vision felt weird. Both clearer and blurry. "Sora?" She turned to look at him. "Does my eyes look different? I don't remember if I looked." Sora glanced up. "They do. They are less brown and more golden. Maybe it's like Lloyd's eyes? He said he had red eyes as a kid but his eyes slowly changed." Sora answered and Arin reached up to touch just beneath his eyes. "Oh."

The mention of Lloyd made Arin tense. He had yet to forgive the green ninja. Arin might have forgiven Sora, but Lloyd was a different story. He needed to face Lloyd and hear what his former teacher thought before he could decide.

Sora gently grabbed his hand, lowering it from his face. "Worry about that later." She said with a gentle tone. "Okay?" Arin nodded quietly and she let go of his hand.

The hallways of the monastery felt longer than they did before, but maybe it was just Arin's mind. Now when he walked with Sora, he realized how much he had really missed her company. He hadn't been lying before, she felt like a sister to him.

Arin heard voices coming from the kitchen. "I think the rest are here. Lloyd too." Sora explained and sent Arin a worried look. He didn't say anything and Sora opened the door.

The ninjas were all inside and all looked up when Sora opened the door. Arin stood still for a moment before entering, the door closing behind him. Arin's eyes landed on Lloyd, who looked worse for wear. He had dark circles under his eyes and his face had cuts and bruises. Arin knew his face definitely looked worse, Ras having mangled his face for life, but Arin was still more worried for Lloyd.

"You're awake."

Arin jumped slightly at Zane's voice. "Um, yes." He answered. "I have already checked that everything is fine." Sora added from beside him, as Zane looked at Arin's injuries with a worried expression. Arin quietly raised his hand and touched the stitches again, no matter how many times Sora told him not to.

Lloyd watched Arin silently and Arin felt almost judged under his stare. "You should sit." Nya suddenly said. Arin said nothing, but listened to her, sitting down on a chair. Sora sat down next to him, leaning on the table.

"How are you feeling?" Wyldfyre asked surprisingly nicely. "Fine. A bit beat up." Arin answered, his hand still on his face. "A bit?" Kai asked, raising his eyebrows. "Yes, a bit beat up." Arin replied, lowering his hand to tap the table. The room fell into silence.

"Do you remember anything?" Lloyd suddenly asked. "Sora informed me of the crucial parts I didn't remember." Arin answered with a shrug. "Hard to miss that your face has been mangled." Arin wasn't sure if it was a joke, or not. "She told me about the golden light, thingy." Arin said unsurely. "It's good that she has informed you." Zane said and Arin shrugged. "Maybe, but it just gives me more questions at the moment." Arin argued.

Zane hummed silently. "I agree that it adds more questions to all of this." Arin was slightly annoyed from the answer. "Well, what was it then?" He asked. "I know it was an elemental power or whatever, but what power?" Arin was aware that he sounded very annoyed, but couldn't bother to care. "I do not know. I can now sense that you are an elemental master, but I couldn't before." Zane said and Arin huffed.

"Does that mean I just randomly acquired an elemental power or that it was very well hidden before?" Arin asked and Zane looked like he didn't have an answer. "Shouldn't we try to figure out what it is first?" Cole asked, having been sitting silently until now. Zane nodded slowly.

Arin huffed. "That's literally all I care about." He mumbled angrily. No matter of he had forgiven Sora, he was still salty. Call him petty, but he couldn't help it. "We know." Sora said. "But it's hard to figure out if all that happened was a bright light and your eyes changing color." Arin noticed a few of the ninjas glanced at his eyes when she said that. "Yeah, yeah." Arin dismissed her and Sora rolled her eyes.

Lloyd looked between the two with a mix of emotion, both happiness and sadness, as well as some jealousy if Arin wasn't wrong. "Well, do you feel different?" Nya asked curiously. Arin shook his head unsurely. "Not really." He answered.

"Maybe we should see if you can recreate the light, just smaller?" Kai suggested. "Now? He just woke up." Lloyd argued from beside the red ninja. "I am fine." Arin answered, his arms crossed. Lloyd looked unsure, but eventually nodded. "Alright, but be careful." Arin said nothing in return.

"I don't know how to do this? How do you activate a power?" Arin asked. "Depends, full potential is based on strong emotions and personal realizations. What did you realize?" Zane answered. Arin fell silent.

What did he realize? Arin wasn't even sure himself. It could be anything. His realization that Ras was an asshole who wanted nothing but bad maybe? No, I know that it's somehow connected to Lloyd more than Ras. Arin thought, his fingers tapping the table thoughtfully. He looked up and around. His eyes stopped on Lloyd.

The two looked at each other for a moment and Arin was hit with what the realization was.

What happened broke something between us. Lloyd's apologies doesn't erase the past, but it gives us both the chance to build something new. It wont be the same, but maybe it could be something new? I want to forgive Lloyd, not because I feel the need to, but because it gives not only me the chance to heal old wounds. The first building block in healing is forgiveness after all.

"Hey, look!"

Arin snapped out of his thoughts at Coles exclaim. The earth ninja was looking towards Arin's hands, which of were now glowing a soft golden light. Something that didn't really look like the consistency fire, nor water swirled around his fingertips. Arin watched the, glow or whatever it was, dance in his palm when he turned his hand around.

The rest of the ninjas looked just as captivated as Arin felt. "Whoa." Arin mumbled, moving his hand in a wave pattern, the glow following in a trail. "What is this?" He asked, looking up slightly. The ninjas looked clueless. Except Nya and Zane. "I think I recognize it." Nya said, looking up at Arin.

"I also recognize it." Zane said after a moment. "Well what is it?" Arin asked curiously. The others looked just as curious as he felt.

"It's creation."

Arin blinked, both shocked and confused. He let the glow fade, dropping his hand silently. "It's creation." Zane repeated. "I knew it!" Nya exclaimed, throwing her hands up. "And how the hell did you do that?" Kai asked his sister. "I saw Wu use it once." Nya answered with a shrug.

Arin sat silent in thought. Creation? Isn't that like one of the strongest powers or something? I might be wrong, but maybe not? How the hell am I supposed to react to this?! Arin mind was having a silent war with itself. He was so deep in thought, he barely noticed Sora snap her fingers in front of his face.

"Hello?! Ninjago to Arin!" Arin snapped out of his thoughts, sending Sora a glare. "What?" He asked. "You were somewhere else." Sora answered with a shrug. Arin grumbled something and looked up.

The ninjas silently looked at him. Arin felt judged. "What?" He asked a bit annoyed. "You zoned out." Cole answered. "I didn't notice." Arin said sarcastically. "I know." He then said. "How would you react? Knowing you never had a power, then just randomly acquired one?" Cole said nothing.

"I suspect you always had it, it just needed to be unlocked so to speak." Zane explained. "Whatever." Arin grumbled quietly. The group fell into some kind of silence. Arin couldn't tell if it was comfortable or uncomfortable. To be fair, he wasn't the best at telling things apart anymore.

The silence, uncomfortable or comfortable, was a good time for Arin to gather his thoughts. Ras gone. An elemental power. Creation. My mind cannot keep up. Arin thought, everything melding together. The shadows around the room flickered as Arin felt frustration build up. Why does everything have to be so confusing?!

What Arin didn't notice was his eyes starting to glow. It was a simple, but obvious, display of his emotions. "Um, Arin?" Arin glanced at Sora. "Your eyes are glowing." Arin blinked and it disappeared in a split second. "Ugh." Arin sighed and leaned backwards. He started feeling tired, but he also wanted to talk to Lloyd.

Sora, somehow catching onto this, placed a hand on his shoulder. Arin, by instinct, flinched slightly. He noticed Kai immediately frown at this, as he was the only one who knew this. "You need rest still." Sora said and Arin said nothing, simply looking at her in silence. This didn't make her back out, rather, she stood up.

"Come on." Arin sighed quietly and followed Sora's lead, standing up. He followed the pink haired girl out the room, hoping he would get a moment to talk to Lloyd, even if that moment wasn't right now.

—

Sora followed him to their room, as he apparently didn't have to stay in his room. "I am going to go down to the garage, I am helping Nya with something that broke in the siege. Arin simply nodded, sitting down on his bed. Sora gave him a quick hug. "See you later." She said with a smile. Arin didn't smile back, but she seemed to have been expecting that anyways.

Sora left the room with a small wave, closing the door behind her. Arin sighed loudly as she left, falling backwards down onto the bed. His face stung with pain still and it had started to itch too. I probably deserved the scars though. Arin thought quietly. He wasn't an expert on medical issues, but he was sure that he was going to be permanently scarred by it.

Arin's legs hung off the bed as he laid diagonally over it, not bothering to move. He felt tired, but was at the same time very much awake. Even if he managed to fall asleep, he probably would be plagued by nightmares as usual.

A knock on the door interrupted Arin's self loathing. He sat up again, gripping his head as it spun at the movement. "Come in?" It was more a question than an answer.

Lloyd appeared in the doorway opening, looking worse for wear and quite tired. Arin immediately noticed that his hand was on his abdomen, which was probably still hurting. "Um, can I come in?" Lloyd asked uncomfortably. Arin mutely nodded. No matter how uncomfortable this felt, he knew that he needed to talk to Lloyd to move on.

Lloyd stepping inside, limping slightly and closed the door behind him. The two looked at each other, knowing this conversation would be crucial to not only the future, but rebuilding their bond too.

No need to push this up. Arin thought as Lloyd sat down. We need to talk now.

Chapter Text

Arin and Lloyd sat silent for at least a minute. Arin's face kept itching and he was starting to wonder if it was infected or if this was normal. Lloyd looked to be in pain while sitting up. Arin's face kept decided to speak up first.

"Is there anything you wanted to say or something?" Arin asked and Lloyd turned towards him. "I think you know what I am going to say." Did he know? There were a lot of things Lloyd could say. "I want to hear you say it." Arin grumbled, his arms crossed as he leaned against the windowsill just above his head. Lloyd sighed. "I have a lot to say." He mumbled. "Just say it so we get this over with."

"I guess you don't really want to hear this, but I am sorry. I don't really have anything else to say, or anything I can say anyways. I don't have a big speech to say as nothing really excuses any of my actions or anything. So I just- I am sorry, thats all."

Arin sat silent, his arms crossed. Lloyd silently watched him, even though he didn't do anything, Arin suspected that he didn't know what to do with his eyes. Arin was a bit on the fence on forgiving Lloyd, cause there was part Arin was even sure Lloyd knew about.

Ras messed with Arin's head very badly. He twisted what Lloyd had said and made it all sound like it was an insult behind a compliment, or like there was a thorn hidden in it all. Arin knew Ras twisted the words by now, but it was hard to just forget it all.

Praise felt like cyanide hidden in honey and compliments like thorns on a rose. Any words Arin heard were twisted to sound like someone manipulating or trying to hurt him. Compliments twisted into insults and comfort into fear. Any sympathy felt like a knife to the chest. Turning away from those ideals was hard, but maybe forgiving Lloyd was a step in the right direction?

Even if Lloyd hurt Arin, he was aware that Lloyd did not want to do that. Lloyd was a naturally caring person and it was very clear that whatever Lloyd did, he did not mean it. Arin thought back on something his parents told him. "Forgiveness is the first step in healing."

Arin was a mess, but then again-

So was Lloyd.

"I want to turn away from this as well as I can."

Lloyd looked up from his hands and over at Arin. "I probably wont be able to do that to a full extent, but I can try." Arin looked at Lloyd and for the first time since Lloyd and Arin saw each other again, Arin smiled. It wasn't as wide as it used to be, nor as happy, but it was genuine.

"A good first step in healing is forgiveness. I forgive you. I wont forget it most likely, but I forgive you for it." Arin said, his head tilted to the side. Lloyd sat silent, then smiled back.

-A week later-

Arin and Lloyd were still not allowed to train and sitting quietly in the kitchen, doing their own things. Zane had proposed for Arin to write down all that happened with Ras and all his thoughts in a notebook, a diary of some sorts. A very depressing one, but a diary nonetheless.

Lloyd was reading or something. "How is your face?" Arin looked up at his teacher. "It's doing fine I think. Then again, I am not a medical expert." He answered. "Your wound?" Lloyd shrugged. "Better, still hurts sometimes. It doesn't help when I can't sleep."

Arin placed his pen on the table with a silent thud. "You still can't?" Arin asked. "No, can you?" Arin didn't answer as the answer was no. "Why?" He asked instead. "Visions, as usual." Arin cocked his head. "About what this time? We know what Sora's was about." Arin said and
Lloyd closed his book silently.

"Some figure keeps talking to me. A figure with red eyes keeps telling me to find them. I am tired of finding people." Arin smiled slightly for a second. "Well, are you going to try to find them?" Lloyd shrugged again. "Do I have a choice? I bet these visions will continue until I do."

Arin crossed his arms, leaning back in his chair. All this talk about finding people remained Arin of the people he too had to find.

His parents.

Arin sighed. "I still have to find my parents." Arin mumbled and Lloyd looked at him sadly. "I know." He said, clearly not sure on what to say.

Arin's parents were obviously a sore subject that they had all avoided when Arin had recently returned to the monastery, but now most of them stayed away from the subject anyways as Arin could still snap sometimes.

"I still have to find them." Arin said. "And I am starting to get tired of pushing it up." Lloyd sighed. "I know." He repeated and Arin uncrossed his hands, leaning his elbows on the table, staring at his hands. "And now I have to deal with this weird power too."

Zane had asked him a few questions, but that was pretty much everything they had done about Arin's elemental power so far, as Arin was still too weak from his fight with Ras to do anything.

The two sat silent for a while. "I have an idea." Arin looked up, raising his eyebrows. "We look for both this person and your parents? I know you do not want to push it up anymore. We have no idea where the firgure or where your parents are, so we can look for them at the same time." It was a logical idea and Arin wasn't entirely against it.

Just then the door flew open. It was Kai with his hair on fire. "I think I might have pissed Wyldfyre off." He said and Arin heard a crash from somewhere else in the monastery. "KAI!" Kai paled and ran out the room.

Lloyd and Arin shared a look and a smile as he ran.

They all had issues, but they all could, with the help of the others, resolve them. They had support from all sides and always would. A mismatched and uneven family, but a family nonetheless. They weren't bound by blood, they were bound by care and love for each other.

They weren't perfect, but then again...

...who is?

-The END-

For now…