Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chapter 1 – Meat Cute

Every day.

Every goddamned day.

Steve shot a two-middle-fingered salute at the driver of the tricked out Chevy Camaro that nearly clipped him when he crossed Atlantic Avenue. Who turned right on a red in the middle of fucking Brooklyn on a busy Wednesday morning? This asshole, that was who, the same guy who thought taillights in the shape of skull-and-crossbones and a Connecticut vanity plate that read “THEMAN” were the height of cool.

“Go back to your greige McMansion in New Canaan and stay there, jackass!” To Steve’s amusement, if not satisfaction, the Camaro stalled out behind a city bus half a block down. He would have chased after whatever dirtbag finance bro was behind the wheel to give him a piece of his mind—and had, in the past—but he’d tripped over the edge of the sidewalk leaping to safety and twisted his ankle.

A glare as hot as a thousand suns would have to suffice. Steve huddled in the entrance of a bodega so that he didn’t get trampled by the rush hour crowds as he stretched the kink out of his ankle and the anger out of his system. He’d probably have to skip his run for the rest of the week, maybe even for two, given how tender it still felt as he hobbled toward Caffeine Fiend—not his local café but his place of employment. The idea of standing on his feet all day had held little appeal before the latest incident. Now, it sounded excruciating, especially against a backdrop of revving engines and squealing tires, and the occasional thunderous exhaust pop, let alone the fumes that wafted through the windows.

Ever since the auto-body shop opened across the street, muscle cars roared up and down Atlantic as if it were the freaking Daytona International Speedway. His morning commute became a game of Grand Theft Auto, with Steve as the pedestrian minding his own business who became an obstacle in a wild car chase. Over the past three months of crossing the damn street—not even jaywalking!—he’d sprained his wrist, gotten road burn on his left leg, bruised his ass the color of spring violets, and nursed a black eye after mouthing off to a coked-out trust-fund baby in a vintage Road Runner who almost ran him over. At this point, Steve considered asking the Maximoffs for hazard pay.

Except that he was on thin ice there as well. The Maximoff Center for Universal Wellness, aka the building Steve paused in front of to find his center or balance his chi or whatever the fuck would help him bank his temper for the next twelve hours, was the brainchild of Wanda and Pietro Maximoff, Sokovian émigrés who defected after Pietro won all three sprinting events at the 2004 Summer Olympics in Athens and became a personal trainer to the Bravoverse of reality stars. His twin sister Wanda put the ‘woo-woo’ in the wellness aspect of the center, offering astrology readings, nutritional cleanses, and the latest in bullshit treatments to their distinguished clientele: hipster celebrities, one-hit wonders, Real Housewives, strollerazi moms and their small army of nannies, and other uber-wealthy residents of Brooklyn’s artiest neighborhoods.

Most MCU-Dubs patrons kept their caffeine addictions on the DL, savoring the deluxe drip of their Aarke Coffee Systems in the privacy of their million-dollar townhouses, or followed a personalized regiment of protein shakes designed by Pietro himself. But enough of their clients subsisted on redeyes, nicotine patches, and Ozempic for Wanda and Pietro to build a rooftop ‘solarium lounge’ that served hot beverages and cheat-day vegan baked goods. Steve thought they’d named it Caffeine Fiend as a sort of warning of what the excesses of caffeine addiction could do to the body.

Joke was on them, because it became way more popular than the green juice bar or the salad counter, so much that they had to open it to outside business. Which Steve was eternally grateful for, because it meant he could sneak up the back staircase, avoiding not only Wanda and Pietro, but all his other obnoxiously perfect and unbearably smug colleagues—in MCU-Dubs parlance, the guru squad.

Steve would rather stick his hand in a smoothie blender than spend one more second of his precious life listening to them condescend to him about his size, his height, his scars, his BMI, his hearing aid, the extra brown sugar he sprinkled on his morning oatmeal, the fact that he struggled to find clothes that fit at thrift stores, that time he dyed his hair the wrong shade of green and had to shave his head, that he never took advantage of his employee discount on spa treatments, the against-policy “political” T-shirts he wore, et cetera. The list was bottomless, really, as were their reservoirs of pretentiousness.

None of this particularly bothered Steve outside of being boring and unoriginal. He’d learned to weather this kind of bullying-disguised-as-concern in the trial-by-fire that was the Brooklyn public school system. Except word of Steve’s numerous injuries struck the gossip circuit like lightning to a drought-ridden forest. Rumors spread like wildfire, most related to Steve’s mysterious personal life. (There was no mystery. He was a scrawny power bottom in a borough where service tops hoarded pillow princesses like dragon’s gold, and he couldn’t get a second date to save his life.) Said rumors wound their way to Wanda and Pietro, who had questioned him about his “home situation” and begun to speculate on whether he was “the right fit” for the “emotional dreamscape atmosphere” they aimed to create. And Steve did understand their concern, because no one wanted to be served coffee by someone who looked like they’d been mowed down by a monster truck. 

The thing of it was, Steve needed this job. Liked it, really—the gurus sucked rotten eggs, but the Fiend staff were solid. MCU-Dubs paid a scandalous amount per hour for him to pour coffee and dish up flourless brownies and draw artistic renderings of chai spices on the menu board. They offered an incredible benefits package, much-needed in the Rogers household with all of Steve’s ongoing afflictions and his ma’s recent, successful cancer battle. Wanda and Pietro may be purveyors of ethically dubious advice, but they took their employees’ health seriously and supported them in every way they could.

Immigrants, they got the job done.

Steve had never been afraid to lodge a complaint a day in his life, and would have gladly expounded on the delinquency of the auto-body shop’s patrons to Wanda and Pietro, except the owner of said body shop was Pietro’s oldest, dearest client, and every single one of the hirsute, Magic Mike-worthy demigods who bent all that metal to their will, aka worked there, also trained at MCU-Dubs. Every crack of dawn, they assembled in the state-of-the-art gym to pump iron with Pietro, then joined Wanda for a breakfast shake and acai bowl. At noon sharp, the former drill sergeant who ran the members-only gourmet cafeteria wheeled over a tray of bento boxes that conformed perfectly to each shop-bro’s personal dietary plan. (To be fair, Steve also received a bento box. He just supplemented that with bodega snacks and day-old baked goods during his breaks.)

Though Steve had both a temper and a kamikaze streak a mile wide, even he wasn’t stupid enough to rely on Wanda and Pietro to solve the problem. Which led to a bigger problem: what the fuck was he going to do? With his luck, one of these Max Verstappen-lite speed freaks would kill him one day.

He mused on this as he wrapped up his ankle with napkins under a tight layer of masking tape, grateful he’d worn black slacks—which never fit him quite right, given his unusual proportions—rather than jeans. He’d come up with the usual zero solutions by the time Darcy bounced into the locker room, fresh as a daisy in a tank top and leggings despite just finishing a hot yoga class. Unlike Steve, Darcy took full advantage of employee discounts when it came to Eastern-influenced exercise.

“Aww, fuck, again!” Darcy’s already pouty lips made a moue upon seeing him. “Who was it this time?”

“Lime-green Camaro,” Steve grumbled, “skull and crossbones taillights.”

“‘80s headband guy?” She growled under her breath. “I knew he was trouble. Bet he stiffed them on the tip, too.”

Steve scoffed. “Do you tip the guys who detail your car for tens of thousands of dollars?”

“You do if you’ve got any decency.” Darcy sifted through her mental catalogue of the body shop’s clientele. “That one soft-spoken dude with the Edgar cut?”

“Just because you can’t hear him when you’re craning over the edge of the terrace doesn’t make him soft-spoken,” Steve pointed out, because really. They were three stories up.

From the minute it opened, the body shop became the MCU-Dubs staff’s favorite spectator sport. A constant subject of gossipy speculation and dubious conspiracy theories for the guru squad and the Fiend baristas alike, it was a wonder any actual work got done in the center, since employees and even some members spent 90% of their time thirsting after the shop bros. All except for Steve. (Wanda and Pietro only abstained because they could get any one of them, any day, anytime.)

It wasn’t that Steve was immune to the gun show on permanent display across the street. Like anyone who worked in an environment where people sought to perfect themselves, Steve experienced awkward moments of unexpected arousal. But to him, the shop bros were like a beautiful but horny painting hanging on a colleague’s wall, like Dali’s Tuna Fishing or De Lempicka’s Women Bathing—something to glance at quickly but contemplate later, during your private alone time.

He didn’t need daily visual proof that they were over there being cock-thickeningly gorgeous, flexing their voluptuous muscles and showing off their ass-sets in the tightest jeans known to man. That most of them sported the long, wavy hair he favored, some in Viking-style braids. That many of them were comfortable enough in their sexuality to wear the occasional leather skirt, or harness-style tank top, or guyliner. That one glimpse of a farmer’s tanned thigh would be enough to send him into a sex toy and wet dream-fueled frenzy, because of course, of course, of course the brawny, beefy, rugged gentle giant type was exactly what turned Steve’s crank. The kind of guy who made Steve’s head spin but who never, ever swiped right on him.

That was the way of madness.

“But he was!” Darcy exclaimed. “Remember a couple weeks ago when Guru Shang hid one of the spinning class mics in their office? Were you there for that?”

“Unfortunately,” Steve sighed.

“It was a dark day when the battery ran out.” Darcy flopped down beside him, patted her thigh. Steve stretched out his leg so she could inspect his handiwork. “A dark, dark day.”

“Not for personal privacy.”

She snorted. “Surprised you didn’t narc us out, Captain Justice.”

“That would have meant acknowledging that I knew about it,” Steve reminded her, “and cared.”

“Which you don’t.” Darcy smirked over at him, sly. “At all.” They exchanged a challenging glare. “Their broad shoulders. Their juicy thighs. The low purr of their voices. How the sweat drenches their T-shirts—”

“Do you want me to pop a boner this close to the start of our shift.”

“Nope.”

“Then let’s talk strategy.” Steve winced when she attempted to turn his ankle. “How purple do you think Pietro would turn if I hired a personal injury lawyer?”

“See, now I’m just thinking about boners again.”

“Shut up.” Steve heeled at her far thigh, regretted it as pain shot up his calf.

“You should have wrapped some ice in there.” Darcy concluded her inspection with a worried frown. “Are you gonna smack me if I say the words ‘urgent care’? It looks really swollen.”

Sayonara, morning run. For the foreseeable. Ugh.

“I’ll go after work if it’s still bad,” he promised. Without his fingers crossed behind his back—he was too busy managing the pain. The ice would have been smart, damn it. “You think if I soak one of the shammies and chill it in the freezer it’ll reduce the amount of drip? I don’t want anyone else to slip and fall.” MCU-Dubs had a strict no plastic rule, so Steve’s options for a cold compress were limited.

Darcy shook her head. “The lengths you go for counter duty.”

“Trust me, I’d rather bus a thousand tables than have to explain this one to my ma,” Steve retorted. “Especially if we have to spend the night at urgent care. She’s there enough as it is.”

“Yeah, yeah, you come from a family of literal saints.” She fished a rubber swim cap out of her bag, presented it to him with flourish. “Lucky for you, I thought it was a pool day. Think you can manage to stay off it till the ice machine does its thing?”

“Guess that means I’m on cookie-baking duty too.” Steve shined his best shit-eating grin her way. “Everything’s coming up me all of a sudden.” He took the cap, cradling it to his chest like a newborn babe. “Seriously, you’re a lifesaver, Darce.”

She shrugged with one shoulder. “Gives me a better chance to scope out the new guy.”

“New guy?”

“At the body-ody-ody shop.” Off Steve’s eyeroll, she added, “Tall, dark, built like a brick shithouse, jaw that could chop wood, ten o’clock shadow and, get this, a metal arm.”

Steve scowled. “Like a prosthetic?”

“More like forged by medieval cosplayers,” she insisted, “or if Tony Stark— Oh, wait, that makes sense.”

“I’m glad something about this does.”

“But why—”

“Leer at the guy all you want,” Steve advised, “but please don’t fetishize his prosthetic arm.”

The sly smirk returned with a vengeance. “Wait till you see it, judgy. The thing screams auto-erotic asphyxiation.”

Steve let out a long, tortured sigh, scrubbed his face with his hands. “I’ll take your word for it.”

“You’ll have to.” Darcy stuck her tongue out at him before delicately shifting his injured leg back onto the bench. “Being stuck on counter duty and all.”

*

Seven hours, five rushes, and three MacGyvered bandages later, Caffeine Fiend finally hit its late-afternoon lull. After restocking the pastry case and prepping the fancy drink mixtures, Steve shuffled over to the terrace rail for some much-needed air—not a full break, but a respite from being chained to the coffeemaker, aka the non-stop steam machine.

A cathedral-shaped glass dome atop the MCU-Dubs complex, the Fiend was all-window, all the time. Some of the side and ceiling panels could be shifted or darkened to moderate the heat, depending on the season. Patrons lounged in ultra-plush seats surrounded by a jungle of plants, which gave off the expected serene-but-comfy vibe. But a bamboo canopy shaded the service counter, nicknamed the boiler room at the height of summer. The only escape was the eastern terrace, encased by a ‘bulletproof glass’—actually industrial-strength plastic—rail strewn with ivy to hide its unsustainability. The exit beside the counter led to a semi-private, employees only section, with a perfect view of the auto-body shop lot.

A smidge of luck must be on Steve’s side today, because the swelling in his ankle had reduced enough for him to avoid that trip to urgent care, if not having to pay for an Uber home. He sipped from his MCUW-branded, Stanley-style tumbler of iced ginger tea, doing his best impression of a dog with its head out of a car window, basking in the breeze. He felt sticky and grumpy and annoyed with himself, as well as exhausted by the idea of slathering on another layer of sunscreen, but his Victorian orphan complexion tended to go from zero to lobster, and sunburns were yet another thing Wanda and Pietro disapproved of.

Because the universe forfend that anyone display evidence of having had actual fun.

A retina-searing glare from across the street cut off Steve’s inner rant. He raised a hand to shield his eyes, almost lost his balance. He recovered in time to catch a glimpse of a surly figure peering out one of the garage doors—

Oh, shit, Darcy wasn’t kidding about the arm. Or the new guy’s hotness factor.

Steve gawked, grateful that no one was around to witness it. Not proud of it. No other word for it. New guy was a stone-cold stunner: thick, shoulder-length dark-brown hair, chiseled jaw, roughshod stubble, powerful thighs, muscles upon muscles packed into a black T-shirt with a fucking robot arm that he hoped vibrated in at least three settings. Steve was fetishizing—I couldn’t help myself, Your Honor, have you seen that thing?—but that was a goddamned fetish object. Whoever designed that must have some deep-seated kinks, hopefully not of the murderous variety.

And that threw a much-needed bucket of water on Steve’s libido, because of course. Of course that kind of modification came with a purpose, and it wasn’t nursing abandoned kittens back to health. The realization prompted Steve to look closer, at the man’s body language—hunched, hesitant, as if trying to make himself appear as non-threatening as possible—and manner—patiently waiting for a break in some of his colleagues’ conversation, a hoodie clutched tight between his hands. As soon as Steve caught the unmistakable outline of dog tags in the center of his chest, it was game over.

He'd make it his personal mission to get everyone in this stupid complex and beyond to treat this man, this veteran, with respect.

(And if Tony Stark didn’t make that arm… he shuddered to think who had.)

Steve continued to sip his tea and indulge revenge fantasies until one of the shop bros flexed a mighty arm and aimed it in his direction. This startled Steve so bad he almost fell off the step ladder he’d wedged under his ass. (Wanda and Pietro frowned upon employees sitting anywhere a patron could see them.)

No, not at him, but at the Fiend. Steve had about ten seconds to absorb the following: the new guy wanted coffee; he’d put his hoodie and ball cap on; he was headed this way.

“Shit fuck, shit fuck, shit fuck!” Steve continued to curse a blue streak under his breath as he hobbled back over to the counter.

“Did a pigeon poop on you again?” Darcy underlined the ‘poop’ in that question, since Wanda and Pietro weren’t afraid to issue a serious warning to anyone caught swearing in front of the patrons. “There’s a real black cloud over your day, huh? I think it’s affecting your aura.”

She also tended to flavor her conversation with wellness speak wherever anyone might eavesdrop. Steve rolled his eyes all the same.

“You should take your second break,” Steve suggested, in a totally not curt and harried and borderline psychotic fashion.

“What? Why?”

“It’s dead. We’re done restocking. I’m the walking wounded.” He scrambled for a reason that might win him some brownie points. “If you go now, you might catch Guru Val before the end of her shift.”

“Aww!” She batted her doe eyes at him. “Since when do you care about my sex life?”

“Since you started fetishizing a war veteran’s prosthetic.” The wrongness of that sentence hit him as soon as it left his mouth.”

“Wait! How do you know he’s a vet?” Darcy’s gasp was operatic. “You saw him!”

Steve scowled. “That’s not the point.”

Her eyes narrowed. “And you want me gone because…” She gasped with such force it seemed like she almost unhinged her jaw. “He’s coming?! He’s coming over here?!?”

“No,” Steve pronounced. Something people didn’t expect about him was that he had a deep voice. He could sound intimidating even if he couldn’t follow that up physically. “Maybe. It doesn’t matter. I don’t care. This is the best time for you to take your break, so go drool over someone you’ve actually got a chance with.”

“Harsh, Steve.” Darcy appeared hurt for two-point-five seconds before… “You think I’ve got a chance with Guru Val?!”

“Not if you stick around here trying to one-up me.”

“Point,” she conceded, already unlacing her apron. After which she thrust her index finger in his face. “I want full, elaborate details if new guy does show up here, considering this is the second major favor I’m doing you today. You are gonna owe me, Rogers. Big time.”

“I’ll perform a one-man play during cleanup.” Steve crossed a finger over his heart. “I’ll even use props.”

“You better,” Darcy warned without much heat. “If I’m doing all the mopping, I expect to be entertained.”

“Greatest show this side of Broadway, pinkie swear.”

She scoffed before scampering off. “They broke the mold when they made you, Steve.”

“That’s what they always say,” Steve sighed.

He rearranged the step ladder at the order section of the counter so he could surreptitiously lean on it during breaks in service. He’d just about struck the right balance when he sensed he wasn’t alone.

Steve glanced up to find New Guy towering over the far side of the counter, so broad and massive that he blacked out the entire rectangle of space, his head sneaking in just under the ‘Orders’ sign. Six-foot-something and even more stunning in person, he nevertheless cowered into his hoodie, his left (metal) arm shoved deep into his pocket and ultra-dark sunglasses masking his eyes. Steve recognized the same crouched, vulnerable stance from before and found his tongue.

“Welcome to the Fiend.” He tempered his smile to the moment, gentle but enthusiastic. “What can I get you?”

To his mild shock, New Guy slid a card across the counter:

Hello, my name is James.

I’m having a quiet day today.

I would like a large black coffee.

Thank you.

Steve stole an extra moment to read the card a second time while his heart shattered into a million pieces, then reformed into a stronger, meaner, implacable thing.

A shield, you might say.

He knew then that he would protect James’ right to quiet with his life.

“Coming right up.” Steve amped his smile up to full wattage. “I’m Steve, by the way.”

The corner of James’s lip quirked up, the only outward indication that he had heard him.

“Listen, I gotta do this whole upselling song and dance, so feel free to take a mental nap,” Steve explained. James arched a brow. “Unless you really would like a brownie? They’re fresh-baked, they’re flourless, and they are super fudgy.” He pointed to them in the display case, so James had a reference. “I could warm it up for you.”

James stilled for far too long, his brow furrowed as if Steve had asked him the meaning of life.

Taking a gamble, Steve added, “Thumbs up for yes, thumbs down for no.”

A blustery little huff of a laugh accompanied a resounding thumbs up.

Small victories, Steve thought to himself, then set about fulfilling James’s order. Pouring a coffee and plating a brownie didn’t require too much movement, but Steve had no choice but to hobble over to the deluxe mini-oven that blast-heated their pastries. By the time he returned, James’s eyebrows dipped into a deep ‘V’ of concern, his lips firmed in upset.

Steve slid the brownie—which made his mouth water, such did it smell of molten chocolatey goodness—across the counter in the hopes of distracting James.

No luck. (Theme of the day.) James pointed at Steve’s leg. Though Steve couldn’t even see the outline of his eyes, he felt the force of the guy’s glare.

“It’s nothing,” Steve blurted before he could think twice. “Tripped over the curb crossing the street, if you can believe.”

James’s expression turned into an outright scowl. He searched around the counter, grabbed a marker from the pile, flipped his card over, and drew… a skull and crossbones headlight on a Camaro-shaped car.

Well, shit.

“Yeah, that guy,” Steve couldn’t help but grumble. He was always three-point-seven seconds away from a full-on rant on a good day, let alone the shit sandwich he’d been served by fate that day. “Turned right on a red, if you can believe it. Musta thought he was in rural Vermont or something.”

James let out a low growling noise that did things to Steve’s insides. Then, he drew a dick on the card, tapping it twice with the butt of the marker.

“He was a dick!” Steve vehemently agreed. “You must get a lot of ‘em over there.” By the way James nodded, it seemed like he also rolled his eyes. “Yeah, same here. Although things aren’t too bad at the Fiend. We got a few cool regulars, and the really obnoxious wellness crowd won’t do caffeine, so—”

A moan, rough and throaty, cut him off. James had taken his first bite of brownie, startling himself with how much he approved. He almost dropped his plate in the rush to cover his mouth.

“Told you,” Steve chuckled, resisting the urge to fan himself.

James wasted no time in devouring the rest—sans porn-worthy sound-effects, alas—then jabbed a finger into the side of the display case, right beside the tray of remaining brownies.

“You want ‘em all?” Steve laughed outright. James was something else.

He appeared to consider this, raised three fingers.

“Warm?”

Thumbs up.

“To go?”

A nod.

Steve packed everything up and fetched a paper lid for his coffee. James’ scowl returned when he observed Steve struggling; Steve didn’t miss how he dropped a twenty in the tip jar. He wished he was financially stable enough to refuse it, but no. The gesture officially confirmed James as Steve’s new favorite customer, though, so it was with genuine regret that he rung up the purchase.

“Hope to see you again soon,” was a customer-service mainstay that Steve never thought he’d utter, let alone mean, not in all his time at the Fiend.

Steve almost fainted at the adorable little wave he got in response.

In his not-so-humble opinion, James deserved the world.

***

A sentiment borne out at ass-o’clock the next morning, when Steve crawled up out of the subway like one of the infected in a zombie horde. He’d come straight from urgent care, where he’d dozed intermittently throughout the night on the most uncomfortable metal chairs known to man, his ma having insisted as soon as she’d spotted his limp. Personally, Steve thought the limp would be easier to deal with than another night of no sleep and a flash-wash in a grody YMCA shower. But being the son of a shrewd, capable, and caring nurse had its consequences, and this was one.

Turned out, subsisting on vending machine coffee and pretzels didn’t exactly prepare a person for the non-stop obstacle course that was the MTA. Steve might have walked, even from as far as urgent care on a bum leg, but he now sported a deeply annoying boot brace, which made the hairpin turns and tight staircases of the subway even more impossible to navigate than usual. He emerged cranky, dazed, and craving a raspberry-oatmeal breakfast muffin with extra apple butter.

Little wonder he all but crashed into someone not two paces onto the sidewalk. The fact that the someone smelled really, really good, like chai spices mixed with crack-level pheromones, was the only reason Steve mumbled, “Sorry,” before attempting to side-step the person. Who clamped a hand on his shoulder that felt suspiciously like a vise.

“Hey—" The protest strangled in his throat, with no help from the gloved metal hand that held him in place, despite Darcy’s insinuations the day before.

James. It was James.

“What…” Steve was way too sleep-deprived to contend with six-foot-whatever of leather-clad James, muscles straining the seams of his jacket, stubble a shade darker from the day before, blackout sunglasses still concealing what must be very expressive eyes if he kept them hidden on the regular. “Hey. Hi.”

James smirked in a way that made Steve want to bite it off his mouth, then offered Steve his arm.

“Are you…” He wanted to curl up in the bend of James’s elbow. “What are you…?”

As Steve continued to struggle to form a simple sentence, James grabbed Steve’s closest arm, laced it through his, and nudged him into action. To Steve’s never-ending shock, James matched his strides to Steve’s pace, his bulk and general air of surliness warding off anyone who tried to get in their way. It took every last ounce of energy Steve had not to slump against him. What to others might seem intimidating to Steve looked extra comfy.

They even made it across Atlantic Avenue unscathed, though they had a close call. Some delivery biker attempted to swerve around them and through the light, but James shot his metal arm out at the level of the biker’s throat, and he slammed the breaks but quick.

Steve realized this was a full-on protective escort around the time they reached the MCU-Dubs entranceway. James’s Terminator glare made the actual security guards cower—anyway, they recognized Steve. They made it all the way to the elevator without drawing any unwanted attention, it being too early for any of the usual gossipy gurus to be lingering in the lobby. He’d assumed James would drop him there, but no. They rode up to the fourth floor in blissful silence, except for Steve’s rousing gasp every time he almost passed out on James’s… well, he couldn’t quite reach his shoulder, but the crook of his elbow called to him.

James guided him all the way to the bench in the locker room, helped Steve off with his bag, then waited until he sat down. Satisfied, he about-faced—

“Wait!” Steve squawked.

James stilled, but did not turn back around.

Steve inhaled deeply in a bid to corral his last functional brain cells. “Only take me a minute to turn everything on. Nothing’s fresh-baked yet, but I could warm up one of the day-olds. Got some apple cinnamon scones, blueberry crumble muffins…”

James thumbs-downed every one of his suggestions. Steve appreciated the bodyguard routine, but he wasn’t giving up his raspberry oatmeal for love or money. James raised a hand to stop him before he could get to the multigrain bagels, which… fair.

“Okay, well…” Steve cleared his throat, tense and nervy all of a sudden. “Will I see you later?”

Thumbs up.

“I’ll save you a brownie. On the house.”

James raised three fingers.

“Fine, but you gotta pay for two of ‘em,” Steve groused. “Gotta make a living over here.” The snort caught him by surprise, enough to make Steve smile. “Thanks for having my back.”

James performed a short, sharp salute, then quick-marched out of there. Steve found himself desperate to learn some of James’s story.

Steve understood the negative space that was his allure as a person—a scrawny, cranky, accident-prone righteous asshole who alienated most people from word one. He’d grown up poor and sick and bullied, an only child whose best friends consisted of a threadbare, one-eared stuffed rabbit and his latest sketchbook. No one had done anything that nice for him… well, ever. His ma didn’t count.

The idea that upselling a fudgy brownie to a dark lord of hotness like James somehow unlocked the secret code to his protective instinct was a lot to process, and Steve’s neck still ached from being impaled on the chrome edge of a waiting room chair all night.

He rubbed the crick out of his neck and got to work.

*

As expected, the late-afternoon lull lured his favorite specter out of his garage lair. Seconds after Steve finished restocking the display case, a shadow fell over the trays of pastries and cakes Steve slid onto the racks. He’d made an extra batch of brownies, for reasons. Steve hadn’t managed to shoo Darcy down to ogle Guru Val today, but she was neck-deep in the books for the monthly account, which should keep her in the back office for at least the next half-hour or so. Long enough to execute the tactical maneuver he had been planning all day, conceived after he caved to Darcy’s pestering and downed three ginger shots from the ground floor juice bar. Steve hadn’t felt reenergized, exactly, but they had given him some wild daydreams.

And some thinky thoughts re: James. The pictograms yesterday, for instance. Did James struggle to write as well as speak some days? Did he have some sort of throat-related injury he didn’t care to address? Was conversation itself too much for him? Or was an overabundance of choice the problem? Maybe James just liked his coffee black and his whiskey neat, but someone who dressed in that much leather didn’t strike Steve as all that vanilla—especially given his nascent fudgy brownie addiction.

Steve somehow got it in his head that the psychedelic kaleidoscope that was their menu board overwhelmed James. It overwhelmed Steve, and he’d drawn the thing. Perhaps James just needed a little help navigating it…?

“Hey there.” Steve stood up from his crouch only to realize that he was not, in fact, taller than the display case. He limped over to the order counter; James followed him.

He’d wanted to greet James with a smile. A blinding smile. Steve didn’t smile often, or for just anyone, but he’d been told that when he did, when he meant it, it added a little sunshine to someone’s day. (Okay, to his ma’s day. His ma called him her sunshine boy. He only ever smiled that way for her, and now James.)

Except instead Steve almost swallowed his tongue. James hadn’t worn his hoodie. Because duh, he hadn’t been wearing it that morning. Instead, his dark brown hair billowed out in waves that perfectly framed his insanely handsome face. And worse. So much worse. James’s sunglasses nested in that gorgeous hair. For the first time, Steve got the full bore of James’ stormy blue eyes. They were the color of vast, open ocean, all-seeing, elemental, with a hint of ferocity hovering under the surface.

Steve almost fainted on the spot.

Illegal. It should be illegal to walk around inflicting that kind of hotness on unsuspecting baristas who were just trying to impress you.

Another adorable wave from James. Steve wasn’t sure what his face was doing, but it felt like it was melting off. With a bashful little bow to his head, James slid another card across the counter to Steve. He forced his hands not to shake as he picked it up.

Hello, my name is James Bucky.

I’m having a quiet fuck of a day today.

I would like a large black coffee and three brownies.

Thank you, Steve.

Steve stared stupidly down at the card for way too long, because it was so damn charming, and he didn’t trust himself not to leap across the counter and kiss Bucky senseless. Except that would have been weird and predatory, so shut up, dumb exhausted brain. You’re too tired for this.

“Nickname?”

A shy nod.

“Rich hotrod assholes out in full force today, huh?”

A vigorous nod.

“Hmm, well, you’ve come to the right place.” Steve unleashed the sunshine smile. He didn’t think he imagined Bucky going a little pink in the cheeks. Time for stage one of his master plan. “Listen, I know you’re a cup of joe kind of guy and all, but we’ve got a lot more than just triple-shot, no whip mochaccinos with extra sprinkles. I could give you some samples to go with your coffee and brownies? They’ll give me a sense of your palate, so I’ll know what to recommend. Same system, thumbs up or down.”

To his surprise, he got two thumbs up.

It took Steve too many blinks to absorb the fact that Bucky wasn’t wearing his usual glove. His artist’s eye was immediately drawn to the intricate plating of the metal hand. He felt his attraction spread across his skin like a heat rash.

Illegal in all fifty states.

“Great,” he rasped, then darted behind the espresso machine.

Through an intricate breathing/panicking/self-berating process, Steve managed to get a hold of himself by the time he returned to the counter, bearing Bucky’s coffee and brownies, along with a tray of eight sample cups ordered in pairs of two. Bucky appeared intrigued as he sipped from his coffee, then reached for his first brownie.

Steve whistled him to a halt. “Wait on those a sec.” He set the initial test pairing in front of Bucky—level of bitterness. “Try these.”

A flash of uncertainty from Bucky’s vivid blue eyes, but he brought the first sample to his lips. He grimaced the second it hit his tongue. Thumbs down. The second got a thumbs up.

Steve placed three more samples in front of him. “These’ll give me a sense of how much body you like in your brew.”

Darcy sing-songing “Body-ody-ody” did not run on a loop in his head as he watched Bucky down each tiny cup. It did not.

As expected, he preferred full body. Insert joke here.

“Now, some syrup combinations,” Steve explained as he doled out the last three. “Take a second between each of these. I haven’t added any milk, but that’s an avenue we can explore later, if you’re interested.”

Bucky did not seem all that interested. The samples, though, provoked a whole range of new expressions, every one a delight. The first, hazelnut syrup, got two enthusiastic thumbs up. Bucky shoved his large coffee back at Steve, pointing at the empty sample.

“Try the others first,” Steve chuckled, savoring another sweet victory.

The second, caramel, Bucky seemed torn on. He set it to the side as if he needed time to ponder it in more detail. The third, flavored with a dark chocolate nib powder, made his eyes bug out.

Diagnosis: chocoholic.

Bucky stacked the first and third sample cups on top of each other, then mimed pouring them into his larger cup. Not that Steve needed such dramatic visuals to get the message. He stole Bucky’s cup back to remake his drink.

“I’m gonna add a touch of cream,” Steve warned him. “Not too much. Adds depth and richness—you’ll see. Any problems with lactose?” A head shake. “Good.”

Bucky almost grabbed it out of his hands when he returned with the drink. He held it under his nose for a full minute, basking in the aroma, before taking a sip. His pretty eyes just about rolled back in his head. By the way his jaw clenched, Steve could tell he bit back a moan, damn it.

“Yeah?” Moan or no, Steve was feeling very smug.

Bucky set the drink down and did the jazz hands gesture for applause that the deaf and hard-of-hearing use.

Steve just about jumped out of his skin with excitement. “You know ASL?” he signed.

Bucky froze for a full thirty seconds. Then, an explosion of movement.

“Yes!” he signed emphatically. “How do you—”

Steve turned so Bucky could see his hearing aid. “They weren’t sure how my hearing would develop as I got older, so my ma taught it to me when I was little, just in case.” Bucky’s lips curled into the closest thing to a smile Steve had ever seen on him. “I have a couple friends who also have hearing issues, so I’ve kept it up. If you ever need, you know…”

Bucky’s eyes twinkled. Steve gripped the edge of the counter for support.

“More than three brownies?” Bucky signed.

Steve snorted. “I did make an extra tray…”

“Really?”

He nodded. “All for you, if you want ‘em.” Feeling nosy, Steve decided to take the temperature of Bucky’s job situation. Someone as gentle and vulnerable as Bucky seemed like a bad fit with the shop-bro oafs. “Or you could bring them back to share.”

That got him an eyeroll that tickled his insides pink.

“Not enough kale,” Bucky quipped. “And when it comes to brownies, I don’t share.”

“Noted.” Steve busied himself with packing the extra tray of brownies up.

A few customers wandered in to claim tables before making their way to the counter. Bucky stiffened, canted his head to keep them in his peripheral vision. Steve watched him do a swift mental tally of all the exits, wondering how long Bucky had been back from overseas.

Tell me you’re military without telling me you’re military, Steve thought to himself. He entered the details into the cash register so Bucky could exfil.

Still, he couldn’t help himself. He had to know when he’d see Bucky again.

“Same time tomorrow?” Steve signed, attempting to project a confidence he didn’t feel.

With a shy nod and a hastily signed “Thank you”, Bucky made his retreat.

End of Chapter 1

Chapter Text

Chapter 2 – Intimate Coffee And Protection Detail

“We gotta stop meeting like this.”

A week. Bucky waited for him at the subway exit every morning that week to escort him to work. Steve couldn’t fathom why, other than some outdated sense of chivalry, or paranoia, or guilt because one of the body shop’s clients caused Steve’s sprain. But Bucky hadn’t twisted Steve’s ankle. From what Steve could tell, he didn’t think Bucky had been the one to work on the Camaro.

And yet, every day, no matter what time his shift started, Steve found his self-assigned bodyguard at his post, leaning against a streetlight a few paces from the subway stairs, in his all-black uniform and goggle-like shades, his resting bitch expression encouraging commuters to give him the widest of berths. He’d swagger forward a few steps as soon as he spotted Steve, offer his arm, no greeting, barely an acknowledgement until he’d delivered Steve to the Fiend’s front doors. As if he had to stay alert at all times. As if his primary responsibility in this life was Steve’s safety and wellbeing.

A twink with a chip on his shoulder the size of Long Island couldn’t ever get used to Bucky’s brand of special treatment, but he didn’t hate it, exactly. It confused him more than anything. So much that Steve’s usual fierce independence and extreme sports version of stubborn decided to stay mum on the subject.

Despite their discovery of having a shared silent language, Bucky hadn’t been any more forthcoming about… anything. With an uncanny sense of timing, he always managed to venture over to the Fiend when they were least occupied. Bucky would order his drink and his brownies, ask how Steve’s ankle was doing, frown a lot at Steve’s answer, thank him profusely, then disappear into the ether as soon as another person arrived. Darcy teased him mercilessly about his ‘ghost boyfriend’, accusing Steve of eating all the brownies himself or pretending that Bucky was a figment of Steve’s dirty, dirty mind. As if he needed more drama in his life.

Another manic Monday, another torturously early shift—this time for a good cause, aka Steve’s evening class at the School of Visual Arts. Bootless and fancy-free, he’d decided to walk to work that morning since running was still verboten. He’d already planned to swing by the subway exit, just in case a certain bodyguard decided to patrol there, but sternly scolded himself not to get his hopes up. Or anything else that might rise when he thought of a certain monosyllabic chocoholic: his blood pressure, his heart rate, his much-neglected cock…

Steve hadn’t even reached the point where Malcolm X Blvd turned into Utica Ave when Bucky just appeared beside him—poof!—as if conjured out of thin air. One minute Steve slalomed through a group of high schoolers too cool to walk, like, together-together; the next, Bucky rode shotgun on his left flank—also his better ear—once again matching Steve stride for stride. Before Steve could have an emotion about it, Bucky’s arm shot out, elbow up. He always gave Steve his flesh arm, always made a small attempt to forge a human connection.

Steve gawked at it for almost half a block, mentally cataloguing all the ways it was fucked up and borderline stalkery that Bucky tracked his route, or however he had found him. Steve may have been delusional in some ways, but he wasn’t dumb enough to chalk this up to coincidence. But he was stupid enough to think it was weirdly romantic.

He latched on.

Though Steve’s kamikaze streak worked both ways, so he asked, “Why do we keep meeting like this, Buck? You keeping tabs on me?”

Bucky halted. Steve heard a few muttered curses behind them, but no one so much as dared complain. Even seen-it-all New Yorkers respected Bucky’s game. Steve couldn’t tell what was going on behind Bucky’s blank expression and blackout sunglasses, what sort of mental gymnastics he had to perform to come out with a suitable answer, one Steve did not expect.

“You were hurt,” Bucky signed. The whole arm-latch thing left his hands free—strategic.

Steve suddenly wondered if Bucky had been waiting for an opening this whole time.

“Once. I was hurt once.”

Bucky turned to glare at him. As Steve prepared to dig in his heels, he entirely forgot to ask himself just how long Bucky had been surveilling him.

“Because I walked you the rest of the time,” Bucky insisted.

“I’ve been working at the center for three years,” Steve protested. “This was the first time anything’s happened.”

Bucky set his sunglasses in his hair so he could glare at Steve properly. It only made Steve wish he could hop up to buss the corner of his scowly mouth.

“First time this happened,” Bucky signed.

“So, what, I get some kind of personal escort now?” Steve demanded. “What makes me so special?”

Bucky stonewalled him.

“Those hotrodders are a menace,” Steve continued, blood on a quick boil. “They rip out of the lot like bats out of hell, and devil may fucking care who gets in their way. You wanna do something for me? Fix that.”

Bucky let out a soft huff of frustration, frowned.

“I can get by on my own.” Steve maybe hadn’t realized how the whole thing got his hackles up until he did the exact opposite of what he wanted—discouraged Bucky from ever escorting him again. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice of you, Buck, real nice. But if this is some kind of charity bullshit—”

“Shut up,” Bucky signed, curt, making the gesture on Steve’s face instead of his own. “You’re gonna be late.”

He stormed off at double their usual speed with Steve still attached. Steve skipped along as best he could for a couple of blocks, too stubborn to let go, too short to match Bucky’s pace, until his ankle started to smart. They stalled out at a street corner, enough for Steve to recover—or so he thought. When he limped off the curb, Bucky’s head whipped down. He gasped, soft, stricken, then wrapped his arm around Steve’s torso and carried him over to the other side.

Too stunned to protest, Steve didn’t come back to himself till Bucky propped him against the fence around the Nelson Mandela High School football field and crouched down to examine Steve’s ankle. Not exactly how he had imagined getting Bucky on his knees, but Steve wasn’t complaining. Steve watched him rotate the ankle this way and that, not exactly unmoved by Bucky cradling his foot.

He decided then and there that despite his intensity and his lack of social graces, Bucky meant him no harm. Which meant Steve had been kind of a dick.

“I’m okay.” He patted Bucky on the shoulder so he’d look up as Steve signed to him. “Really. Gimme a minute and I’ll be good as gold.”

Bucky hung his head, signed, “Sorry.”

And Steve couldn’t have that, not from someone who’d done everything in his power to protect him.

“Get up, soldier.” A flash of something dark and wary lit Bucky’s eyes as he glanced up at him, but he obeyed. “How do you feel about hugs?”

Bucky blinked at him for so long, he thought he’d gone offline. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“I don’t remember.”

Suddenly, all of the little scattered pieces of the Bucky puzzle spread across the table in Steve’s mind began to lock together. He still couldn’t quite see the full image—and maybe didn’t want to, because yeesh—but he gained new admiration for the man standing in front of him. Bucky was still scraping his way back from something horrible, something life-altering, or maybe life-erasing was a better word.

And if he needed Steve’s help to revive him? He’d be there, all day, every day.

“Wanna try one anyway?” Steve suggested. “If you hate it, just tap me on the shoulder. I’ll stop.”

“Okay.”

Steve approached cautiously, telegraphing his movements. He opened his arms out wide at first, pressed in with his torso before wrapping them around Bucky’s middle. His head, he discovered, rested right over Bucky’s heart, his fingers rubbing circles into his tense shoulder blades. Bucky exhaled several breaths in rapid succession—Steve feared for a moment he’d hyperventilate—then crushed in around Steve. He rested his chin on top of Steve’s head, arms cinched almost to the point of suffocation. Invited Steve in closer to his powerful body, a wall of muscle with enough grooves and cushion to feel beautifully snug.

They fit. Tight, perfect harmony. Treasure unlocked.

Steve decided then and there that he would do anything, anything to give Bucky the peace he sought.

“I’m the one who should be sorry,” he muttered into the buttery surface of Bucky’s leather jacket. “Here you are looking out for me, and I… I can be a real asshole sometimes.”

Bucky let out a long, blustery sigh, then rasped, “Tell me about it.”

“Hey!” Steve wriggled around until he could see his face. “You talked!”

He very much deserved the eyeroll he received. “Never said I was deaf, just—”

“Quiet day.” Steve kneaded his fingers into Bucky’s rigid shoulders, fought not to let it show on his face when some of them hit metal. “How you feeling about hugs, on a scale of hotrod douchebags to fudgy brownies?”

He blushed, averted his eyes. “Half a brownie.” He appeared to give the matter intense consideration. “The last half on an empty plate.”

“I can work with that.” Steve broke out the sunshine smile. He might actually float to work at this rate. “Buck, would you do me the honor of escorting me the rest of the way?”

The frown returned with a vengeance. “You can’t put pressure—”

“I’m good.” Reluctantly, Steve eased away to demonstrate. Trotted up and down the sidewalk without a wince. “See? Healing powers of platonic affection.”

Bucky scoffed, but fell in beside him. Because two could play at that game, he waited another half-block before offering Steve his arm. Steve made a big show of latching on tight, grateful, so grateful to be under Bucky’s guard.

***

Early summer afternoons at the Fiend tended to be dead. Deader than dead. The dead zone. Nobody would be caught dead. Better off dead, at least in Steve and Darcy’s case, because they could get creative. A potent combination of boredom and artistic instinct resulted in some of their best—and by best, they meant insaneballs—ideas. Like the Dragon’s Breath, which combined a red-eye with a dirty chai, topped with coca-cinnamon whip cream and cayenne-brown sugar sprinkles, then torched like a crème brulée. Or the Triple Decker, a tiny tower of brownie, blondie, and red velvet cake separated by thick layers of Nutella and dipped in chocolate ganache. Or the whole-ass wraparound mural of famous locals Steve drew on the employee bathroom walls in highlighter and magic marker.

Agents of chaos, the pair of them, much to Pietro and Wanda’s chagrin.

Another heat index spike led to another tomb-like Tuesday, customers scarce as the sun hit the apex of the sky. Darcy, in her infinite wisdom, decided to try out the stained-glass decals she’d found at the dollar store on a section of windows. Steve, uninspired by the idea of glueing art instead of creating it, took a fresh whack at the menu board.

A literal clean slate for his imagination to run wild on, since he’d washed off all the chalk dust in the industrial-sized sink in the back. Ten minutes outside, and the board was dry enough to serve as his canvas. He’d jammed a couple of the tables together to lay it out flat and improve the drawing angle. After an hour of stops and starts, he was bicep-deep in rainbow chalk dust with nothing to show for it except a border of ultra-plump plums. Not that they had plum-flavored anything at the Fiend.

He wasn’t thinking about Bucky’s ass in his tight black jeans when he drew those plums.

He wasn’t.

Darcy didn’t seem to be faring much better. She blew out a long, wet raspberry as she backed up to examine her handiwork. The door to the employee terrace now looked like it belonged in a cathedral. Medieval-lite roses, lilies, and peonies imbued the decals with a summery air, pretty but pedestrian to Steve’s artistic eye. At least it gave him some menu board inspiration—it wouldn’t be great if the two didn’t vibe together.

“Don’t say it,” Darcy warned, as she flopped down in the middle of the floor.

“I wasn’t gonna—”

“Could hear you thinking it,” she insisted. “Your criticism’s fucking loud, dude.”

Steve snorted, because accurate. “You’ve been taking too many of Wanda’s ‘Unlock Your Inner Psychic’ seminars.”

“At least that shit’s fucking useful.” Darcy crossed her arms under her breasts, gone full pout. “This is not what I imagined doing with my life, you know?”

“Pays the bills.” Steve shrugged—he didn’t want to get into it. He grabbed a second marker to use as a straight edge as he tested out a stained-glass pattern in the corner of the board. “That counts for a lot in this town.”

“Truth.” She scraped herself up off the floor, ambled over to the counter. “You want something?”

Steve mulled that over for a moment, planning out his vision for the board, plotting a way to get more people in for the afternoon. One of the Fiend’s mandates was that they only served caffeinated beverages, to differentiate themselves from the juice bar downstairs. In the summer, that meant cold brews and iced teas—a limited, familiar selection, not distinguishable enough from their street-level competition to convince already sweaty people to travel up four floors.

Unless…

“Yeah.” Steve smirked in her direction. “A summer specialty menu. Theme: floral elixirs, to go with the decor. Mix me up the craziest thing you can think of that has ice, caffeine, and a flower-based syrup.”

That knocked Darcy out of her boredom, if her expression of manic pixie glee was anything to go by.

“Challenge accepted!”

Unbeknownst to the other baristas, Darcy and Steve maintained a hidden cupboard of unusual ingredients for just such an occasion. Every so often, one of the MCU-Dubs trust fund brats got it in their heads that Caffeine Fiend had a ‘secret menu’ of alcohol-based drinks. Being the arrogant little snots they were, they rarely took no for an answer, so Steve and Darcy would make them something so abominable they’d never want to drink at the Fiend again. Watching these try-hards choke down some vomitous concoction in front of their posse of friends—because they always came with an entourage—were some of the most entertaining moments of their tenure at the Fiend.

Thus, they kept the cupboard well-stocked with all sorts of bizarre goods, the more stomach-churning when paired with coffee, the better. One of Darcy’s priceless contributions came from a ren faire alchemist’s shop: six old-fashioned floral cocktail syrups. The flavors by themselves could be quite delicious; the key was in the amount added to the drink. Anything one-part violet syrup out of three, and you were in for a rough time.

“No cheating!” Steve snapped, when Darcy reached for her phone. “This is a Google-free zone!”

“I’m using the timer, dumbass,” she shot back.

“Pull the other one.”

“Not an amateur over here.” She peered over the top edge of her glasses at him as she heated up some milk product. “Hey, isn’t it about that time?”

“About what time?” Steve mostly ignored her while he shaded in some petals. “Back on your bullshit o’clock? Remains to be seen.”

“I mean for the apparition.” Darcy glanced around as if someone might invade any second. “Shouldn’t you be cracking out the pottery wheel or speed-dialing Whoopi Goldberg or something?”

“Har, har.” Steve started whistling Unchained Melody just to spite her.

“Wondering what would be worse,” she continued to prod, “him not showing because I’m here, or you going delusional after a bout of heatstroke and pretending to talk to him.”

“Joke’s on you.” Steve felt an absurd swell of pride at the declaration. “He came in early today.”

“Fuck, are you serious? I missed him again?” Darcy scrutinized the display case. “Damn it, we are low on brownies.”

“Told ya.” He started in on the actual menu items, giving his cursive a calligraphy-style flourish. “I didn’t want this place to turn into an actual oven, so I didn’t make another batch.”

“No complaints here.” Darcy muddled the ice and rose water at the bottom of a glass with a long spoon, poured in a half-glass of coffee, then added a layer of pink froth on top. “Except that I’m this much closer to going full tin hat conspiracy theorist over your imaginary boyfriend.”

“For the last time, Bucky’s not my boyfriend.”

“Boy toy, then.” She raised a daring brow in his direction when he glared at her. “Arm candy? Personal escort? Private dancer?”

“Friend,” Steve grumbled, annoyed that she’d gotten to him. “Let’s go with friend.”

“Order up!” Darcy bellowed, before he could sulk for too long. She sprinkled a few rose petals atop the daintiest iced drink Steve had ever seen. He wiped his chalky hands off as he made his way over to the counter. “Inspired by the Rooh Afza that’s served at Ramadan, I present the Iced Coffee Rosé.”

Steve twisted the bottom of the glass to appreciate the drink from all angles. “Well, she definitely looks the part. Every teenage girl from here to Jersey is gonna be obsessed.”

“Ah, you’ve cottoned on to my evil plan.” Darcy’s grin was all teeth. “Try her.”

In for a penny, in for a pound. Steve sipped generously.

“There she is,” he sang out in his best Johnny Desmond impression, “Miss America.” He stole another draught. “It’s not my thing, personally, but some people will love it.”

“Yes! Gooooaaaaallll!” Darcy giggled at her own inanity. “Tag, you’re it.”

Steve, of course, had been plotting all this time. He stirred up an iced strawberry, Early Gray, and elderflower drink, which they nicknamed the Savoy, that they both judged stupid refreshing. Darcy’s second at-bat, the Moonflower, aka butterfly pea flower tea, lemonade, and coffee extract, came in an eerie blue color that would drive the green juice crowd wild. Steve struck out when he attempted to make violet syrup happen in any coffee capacity, but three fun drinks did a summer specialty menu make.

Feeling especially proud of themselves, and just a wee bit like playing hooky, they repaired to the terrace to toast their success with the remains of the three drinks. But no sooner had they recovered from the blast of heat that assaulted them as they stepped out the door when Darcy almost dropped the tray along with her jaw.

Steve followed her line of vision across the street to—

And then did a double take, because—

Really, no one had the right. No one, let alone a quintet of god-tier muscular someones, had the right to display that much taut, rippling flesh on a stultifying afternoon in Bed-Stuy. Steve almost burned his hands on the rail when he grabbed it to steady himself. He was gonna pass out. Or pitch over the side. Would one of them give him mouth-to-mouth? Might actually be worth all the broken bones. What a way to go, though.

“Are they just… allowed to do that kind of thing?” Darcy downed the last of the Savoy as she fanned herself. Furiously. “Out in public like that? Without, I don’t know, some kind of subscription charge?”

The they in question were five of the shop bros—Thor, Luke, Logan, the one Steve called Scary Tribal Tattoos, and the one Steve called Beardy the Red—all playing some weird hacky sack/basketball game in the middle of the lot, attempting to get some weighted ball into a garbage can that hung from one of the truck winches. Shirtless, wearing nothing but a variety of cutoff jeans or teeny tiny bicycle shorts.

Steve almost swallowed his tongue. What was a twink with a gym-bro fetish supposed to do in the face of all that man meat? Drool, obviously. Also, pull up a chair and enjoy the show, which was exactly what he did. Darcy hurried to join him. They clinked their summer specials and said not a word as they basked in the majesty before them.

Until the ante got upped to a level that threatened Steve with sunstroke. Two ‘baskets’ later, Bucky swaggered out of the far garage to join them—not as half-naked, not that it mattered. Black jeans and a sleeveless shirt did nothing to conceal Bucky’s massive thighs, muscle-packed chest, or gleaming metal arm. He took two long gulps from a giant water bottle, then poured the rest over his head.

Steve swooned so hard that Darcy grabbed his shoulder to keep him from pitching off the chair.

“Him,” she half-scoffed, half-sighed. “You are friends with him?”

“We are,” Steve growled, feeling a bit possessive. “Your point?”

“Prove it.”

He tore his eyes away from the vision that was Bucky to stare her down. “Challenge fucking accepted.”

But Bucky, with his hawkish instincts, had already spotted him. A sharp whistle drew both their attention back to the lot. Bucky waved in his adorable way. Steve very much wanted to faint. Instead, he raised his specialty drink high in the air as a salute, then followed it up with a wave of his own.

And Bucky did him another solid by signing, “What you got there?”

Which was when Steve remembered that he, too, knew sign language, and could prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that not only did Bucky exist, but they were friends. He raised a smug eyebrow in Darcy’s direction as he set down his drink so he had both hands free.

“Testing out summer specials,” he signed. “Trying to beat the heat.”

“No, no, no, no, come the fuck on,” Darcy hissed under her breath. “You two have your own secret code?”

“TKO, Rogers,” Steve whispered out of the corner of his mouth, as Bucky signed, “Any good?”

Which gave him the brainwave to end all brainwaves, and all the points, forever. If this worked out, he’d never let Darcy forget it for the rest of their natural lives.

“Come up and try for yourself,” he signed, all smiles. “Place is deader than Casper the Friendly Ghost.” Then, the piece de resistance. “Bring the bros. We could use some guinea pigs.”

Bucky conveyed the message to the shop bros, who let up a cheer that sounded like a huzzah.

“Wait, wait, what was that?” Darcy demanded, her voice rising several octaves. “What did you do, Steve?”

“Made it so that you owe me unto infinity.” Steve cackled, drunk on power, then signed a “See you soon” down to Bucky, who waved back. “Battle stations. We’re about to get hit with an attack of the bros.”

“I fucking hate you sometimes,” Darcy groused as they cleared the tray and hustled inside. “Except I love you. I hate you. I love you. It’s Chinatown, Steve.”

By the time the motley crew ascended four flights of stairs—bros didn’t do elevators, apparently—Steve and Darcy had lined the counter with six samples of each specialty drink, along with a few cold brews in case the flower theme really did not go over well. Steve also surreptitiously made Bucky his usual chocolate monstrosity, setting it aside for later. They even spared a second to primp in the bathroom—Darcy longer than Steve, but then she had more skin in the game. And on display, apparently, by the low-cut top she changed into.

Not that a little cleavage held a candle to the shop bros, some of whom donned loose-fitting tanks over their glistening torsos, some of whom… did not.

“This one of them ‘No shirts, no service’ type places?” Logan barked through the open door before the six of them paraded in like Magic Mike’s backup dancers.

“Not today, boys.” Darcy flashed them a saucy smirk. “Come wet your whistle.”

Bucky, the hotter-than-all-of-them-combined manager, aka the McConaughey, brought up the rear. Steve positioned himself at the far end, against the counter; he couldn’t help shining the sunshine smile Bucky’s way as he took point at his side. He got another adorable wave for his trouble.

“Greetings, fiends!” Thor bellowed, which for him was normal volume. “Friend Barnes had told us much about you and your decadent coffees. I see he has not deceived us.”

“I don’t know, boss, these look too pretty to drink.” Luke crouched down to counter-level to wander the forest of drinks with his eyes. The others mimicked him, as if they were of a hive mind.

“Definitely getting a little Mad Hatter over here,” Scary Tribal Tattoos, who Steve would later learn was named Drax, muttered.

“This one smells like my Aunt Freya’s petunias.” Beardy the Red, aka Volstagg, aka Volt, furrowed his brow at the Savoy.

“At least they don’t taste like her lawn,” Logan reminded him. “I’ve had enough green juice to last me ten lifetimes.”

Darcy cleared her throat. “You boys gonna let me give you the razzle dazzle, or what?”

“Sorry,” they all mumbled.

She launched into an explanation of theme and ingredients as if she was the ringmaster of the greatest show on earth. The shop bros gawked, rapt on her every word.

“See what I put up with?” Bucky signed to Steve.

He signed back. “You deal with me, so already know you have the patience of a saint.”

Steve got an eyeroll, but also the hint of a smile.

“I really gotta drink this?” Bucky scowled down at the rose petals. “It looks like fairy puke.”

Steve shifted his eyes back and forth, speakeasy style, then nodded toward the table where the unfinished menu board awaited. He exchanged a glance with Darcy, who shooed him off, then escaped with contraband for both of them. Bucky let out something that sounded suspiciously like a purr when Steve handed him his usual drink—not now, brain, I’m trying to flirt here—clutching it to his chest and angling it out of view. Steve set his cold brew in the one scrap of space left on the table and nabbed a piece of chalk from the box.

They sat in contented silence, listening to the oohs and ahhs and ughs from the bros as they sampled the specialty drinks. Except then Steve chanced a glance over at Bucky and met with a gobsmacked expression.

“You drew this?” Bucky dragged his seat around the corner of the menu board to better take in the whole. And if it was that much closer to Steve, no one was complaining. “Did you do the mural in the bathroom, too?”

Steve frowned. “How do you know about the mural?”

“I have my ways,” Bucky demurred. “Steve, these are incredible.”

“It’s a menu board.”

“By Waterhouse, maybe.” Bucky ghosted a hand over the stained-glass flower frame. “I feel like I can pluck…” He mimed lifting a flower to his nose, smelling deep of its bloom. “Tell me you’re doing something with all this talent.”

“Night classes at the School of Visual Art, yeah.” Steve fought off a serious blush at Bucky’s words. “Can only take a couple per semester since my ma got sick, but I’m getting there.”

Bucky snapped to attention in a way that reminded Steve of a well-trained Doberman. “Your ma is sick?”

“Was,” Steve reassured him. “She’s been in remission for two years. If it wasn’t for this place, the bills would’ve killed us both.”

“Fuck.” Bucky glared at their surroundings as if they had personally done him wrong.

Steve decided he wouldn’t want to be on the business end of a revenge quest led by Bucky. “Don’t get it twisted. Wanda and Pietro have been real good to me. It’s why we can mess around on an afternoon like today. As long as we keep this place in the black, they don’t care how we run it.”

Bucky let out an indignant little huff, which got Steve a wee bit curious as to what the response would be if that hadn’t been the case. Just how far would Bucky go to protect him?

“Speaking of.” Steve veered them onto safer ground before he ran away with his imagination. “My ma wants to meet you.”

Bucky’s eyebrows lifted almost into his hairline. “You told her about me?”

“Of course I did.” Steve shrugged. “She’s my ma. I tell her everything.” When he received no response, he prodded, “You’re invited for dinner, whenever you’re free. Weekends are best, since she’s on night rotation this month.” At Bucky’s quizzical look, he added, “She’s an ICU nurse.”

Bucky woolgathered for longer than Steve expected at the prospect of a home-cooked meal, then bowed his head. “Someone like that shouldn’t…” He frowned so hard creases dented the sides of his mouth. “Not with the likes of me.”

“Whaddya mean, the likes of you?” Steve struggled to temper his voice, all too aware of their nearby audience. “The guy who goes all Kevin Costner the minute I break a nail? Who plays crossing guard every morning so I can get to work in one piece? Who’s addicted to chocolate and jeans a size too small? My ma’s gonna love you. And her colcannon is to die for, so.”

Bucky ruminated in the direction of his lap for a long, long while, before saying, “Colcannon, huh?”

“Also makes a mean coddle,” Steve elaborated, in a hush tone. “Adds a little stout to the broth.”

“That sounds…” Bucky shook his head, violent. “I gotta talk to Sam first.”

Steve desperately wanted to know who this Sam was, so much that he risked being a little nosy, a teensy bit rude.

“Is that your partner?” He barely kept the whine out of his voice. “Happy to have him along.”

Bucky let out a strangled laugh. “No, nothing… Not like that.” Then, after a beat. “He’s helping me reintegrate.”

Steve didn’t pry, but it was a close thing. This wasn’t the time, or the venue, or the circumstances—part of why he’d promised his ma he’d extend Bucky this invitation. He maybe hoped a different environment might draw him out.

“Okay.” Steve reached across Bucky’s lap to catch and hold his flesh hand. It hurt his heart to see how the gesture startled him. “Offer’s open, whenever you’re ready.”

“That’s…” He swallowed hard. “Steve…”

“No pressure.” Steve gave his hand an extra squeeze. “I mean it.” Then, because he was himself, aka a relentless son of a bitch. “You’ll just be missing out on the best apple cake in all creation.”

Bucky must be onto that side of him, or was maybe just a good judge of character, because he snorted. “Apple cake, huh?”

“With candied walnuts as big as your eye and maple frosting.”

He considered this for a while, sour expression somewhat undermined by the glint in his eyes. “Not enough chocolate.”

It was Steve’s turn to scoff. “One-track stomach.”

Bucky didn’t bother to disagree.

With extreme reluctance, Steve untwined their hands so he could get back to coloring in the menu board. Though Bucky kept tight focus on his technique, Steve couldn’t help but feel him retreat to some inner landscape. He hoped upon hope that it was filled with flowers, and not some of the horrors his own mind inferred from Bucky’s storm-cloud aura.

Against the backdrop of the shop-bros’ boasts and Darcy’s aggressive flirtation, Steve and Bucky sat together in silence, close, content, each unknowingly filling a void in the other’s life with their presence.

***

After midnight. Old Astoria, Queens.

Bucky stalked across the still-toasty blacktop roofs of a row of apartment buildings, feet swimming in his combat boots. Humidity had not abated in the absence of the sun, the city as rubbery as an over-poached egg. The hazy atmosphere rose so high it swathed the moon in a gauzy sheet, which helped to conceal him as he dropped into the back alley between rows of tidy brick houses, but offered no other form of assist. Decked in his usual all-black stealth gear—jeans, hoodie, gloves, face-guard—Bucky outwardly appeared as mission-ready as ever. Except apparently this mission required that he be drenched from head to toe in enough moisture to water an entire greenhouse of plants.

The body had its ways of wreaking perpetual vengeance upon him, and this was one: perspiration. Of the five most degrading excretions he now produced en masse, sweat came in a solid fifth. What they didn’t tell you about reanimating after the better part of seventy years frozen in a cryogenic tube could fill every gulag in Siberia. Being an actual, functional, productive human was about one-part torture to three parts other stuff he hadn’t quite figured out yet.

Though reacquainting himself with hunger pangs, muscle cramps, headaches, drool, shit, piss, vomit, nocturnal emissions, and the twisted feeling he got in his chest whenever he talked to Steve was worth it when the alternative was being a mind-controlled assassin for a fascist syndicate, that didn’t mean Bucky had to, like, do cartwheels over it. Sam always said he had a right to feel things, and he felt decidedly mid about independence and consciousness most days.

Except for when he was with Steve. Like a ray of scintillating sunlight you knew would burn you something awful after prolonged exposure, but you still couldn’t resist basking in its luster, Steve’s presence evaporated the shadows that shroud Bucky. He felt warm in ways he didn’t remember ever having been before—down to his bones. Deeper, even. A firecracker lodged in his chest, sparkling and singeing in equal measure, until all Bucky knew was light.

It confused the hell out of him.

A surprising number of people lounged on their back porches for such a late hour, some chatting, some smoking, some sleeping on an inflatable mattress to escape the furnace of their bedroom. It made progress more difficult, but not impossible. Bucky had skulked through remote villages during high holidays, festivals in major cities. Or so he reminded himself as he attempted to blend in with fence planks, to slip by the gaps between unnoticed.

It must have worked a trick, because he managed to sneak past Wilson as he stared out into the void of his sister’s yard, the moonlight too weak to illuminate the spaces between the fruit trees that lined the back fence. Bucky slipped around to the side of the house—every squish in his boots setting his teeth on edge—scaled up an ivy trellis, crawled across the roof, then flipped down to land right in front of Wilson, who let out a high-pitched scream that would have made Laurie Strode proud.

Some things in Bucky’s second life were very, very satisfying.

“Motherfucker!” Sam spat, quite literally at his feet. He indulged in a rare cigar, the smoke from which grayed out the air around him, except for the twin fires of outrage that were his eyes. “That is the last motherfucking time you pull that stunt, Barnes.”

“Keep telling yourself that.”

“How do you even know I’m here?”

“Do you really want me to answer that question?” Bucky drawled, as he flipped his hood down and stowed his face guard.

He took point, leaning against the strip of brick on the outer kitchen wall. Inside, he heard someone—probably Sarah—humming along to the radio, the occasional buzz of a sewing machine. A swell of relief accompanied the memory that Sam had once told him she made all the boys’ clothes, since they were still young enough not to complain about it.

Maybe he wasn’t half-bad at this human thing after all.

“What I would prefer,” Sam underlined the word in triplicate, “is some warning. A text message. A phone call. Hell, I’d take smoke signals at this point.”

Bucky scoffed. “In this weather?” He really, really, really wanted to yank off his hoodie and wring it out over the grass. Thank fuck the fashy scientists who ‘enhanced’ him had the foresight to blight body odor in their super-stealth assassin. “My luck, I’d torch an entire block.”

“Except you don’t do that kind of shit anymore.”

“Drug dealer neighbors are testing those boundaries.” Bucky may have reallocated their pot stash to the patients of a palliative care facility. Several times. “But no. Now I get creative.”

Sam blew out a smoke-laced breath. “I do not want to know.” He ambled over to the screen door, paused with it half-open, his way of letting Sarah know they had a guest without spooking her. “Beer, lemonade, or julep?”

“Surprise me.”

“Peach cobbler?”

Bucky did a quick stomach eval. His digestion still plagued him during times of stress. “Next time, thanks.” Which was as good of a way as any to signal to Sam that the problem was serious.

He nodded sagely. “I still question your methods, but I’m glad you came.” He disappeared into the house, probably to politely suggest to Sarah that she go to bed.

They had a love-hate relationship, him and Wilson, in that they loved to hate on each other, but otherwise got along fine. Sam had been the only one to earn his trust, rather than assume it, after Bucky broke his programming for a final time, staggering into the VA clinic where Sam worked with a drive full of uber-secret HYDRA files and a case of dehydration that would have killed a normal man. Sam stood by him through all the S.H.I.E.L.D. bullshit that followed—and there had been mountains of it—convincing the King of Wakanda to pay for Bucky’s legal team and to rehab him in Birnin Zana, and this after HYDRA compelled him into an assassination attempt on the King’s himself.

He owed Sam a debt he could never repay, not in twenty serum-enhanced lifetimes.

Didn’t mean he’d ever call first, though.

“I said no on the cobbler,” Bucky groused halfheartedly, when Sam reemerged balancing two plates and two beers.

Sam snorted. “These are both for me for putting up with your ass.”

It did smell delicious. Bucky’s mouth began to water, because his fucking body knew no quit when it came to pumping out some gross substance. To add insult to injury, his stomach gurgled.

He downed his beer in three gulps.

“Knew I should have brought the cooler out,” Sam sighed. He darted back in to fetch it because he really was a stellar guy.

Which reminded him…

“You still thinking of taking up the shield?” Bucky inquired, after Sam stowed the cooler by his side to better draw Bucky into the chair beside him. Up to his old tricks, as usual.

Bucky was very pro-Sam replacing Isaiah Bradley as Captain America, despite some selfish concerns about losing access to him for long periods of time. Long before the fall that had stolen his left arm and his liberty for over half a century, Bucky served as one of the Howling Commandos, Isaiah’s team during WWII.

In the race to create the first super-soldier, the US experimented on unsuspecting Black soldiers, claiming to give them a tetanus shot. When they saw what Isaiah, the lone survivor, could do, they blackmailed him into becoming Captain America, a figurehead in a star-spangled uniform they’d send on impossible missions, ones he wasn’t meant to survive. To add insult to injury, they gave Isaiah a team of ‘minders’, not trusting him to remain allegiant with the country that experimented upon him without his consent.

Duh, Bucky thought to himself. One of his few recovered memories was of those first fraught days, the Commandos attempting to prove to Isaiah that they believed in him, that they were happy to follow his lead. Not unlike how Sam struggled to convince Bucky he wasn’t a threat so many years later.

The symmetry appealed to his cyborg brain. Not to mention that Sam was the worthiest candidate by far.

“Now how the hell do you know about that?” Sam shook his head in that way of his, unsure whether to be impressed or scandalized. He normally settled on a bit of both.

“I got my ear to the ground.”

“Thought you were done with all that.”

“Better safe than sorry when it comes to the Nazi fucks who want to make you their personal death robot,” Bucky reminded him. “And I’m not just talking about HYDRA.”

And Sam must have been negotiating with Isaiah, because he sighed, long and loud. “Fair enough.” But in classic therapist fashion, he turned the tables on him. “What do you think about it?”

“Big shoes to fill.” Bucky conceded that there probably weren’t any snipers lurking on the neighboring roofs, with the exception of the doofus S.T.R.I.K.E. team down the block it had been child’s play to avoid, and meandered over to take a seat beside Sam. Also to get himself another beer. “They’re gonna want a dog and pony show. Turn you into a puppet, excuse being you don’t got the serum.”

“Tell me something I don’t know,” Sam griped.

“You’re the only one who can carry Isaiah’s legacy into the future.” Bucky permitted himself a tiny smile at Sam’s shocked expression. “You’re strong enough to tell them where to go and how to get there. Do things on your own terms. Recruit your own team. Not just soldiers and spies, but lawyers, journalists, community activists.”

Sam raised a skeptical brow. “This you signing on?”

“I’m done fighting,” he murmured, sometimes unable to believe it himself. “But if you’re asking if I’ve got your back… with fucking bells on, Wilson. You need me, you call.”

“Or I could just show up at your apartment unannounced in the middle of the goddamned night.”

“Like to see you try.” Bucky’s smile broadened half an inch. His stomach grumbled dyspeptically—fuck, did I forget dinner again? “That cobbler still spoken for?”

“Not even a little bit.” Sam slapped him on the back, stood up. “Lemme make you a sandwich. Go down easier.”

“Hold the hot sauce,” Bucky shouted after him.

“That’s not something a man forgets after last time,” Sam shouted back, laughter in his voice.

It took Bucky the whole sandwich, the accompanying sour cream and onion chips, and most of the cobbler to say the thing he’d come to say. Sam waited him out, infinite patience in full effect, nursing a lemonade to keep his wits about him.

“I made a friend.” Bucky whispered as if divulging a state secret.

“No shit!” Sam’s grin went full-on fireworks display. “Lemme guess: disgruntled postal worker. No, no, wait… geriatric wallflower librarian. Cranky guy who came to fix your plumbing? Tell me when I’m getting warm—”

“You’re an asshole.”

“Excuse you.” Sam scoffed. “The rule is, if you interrupt a dude in the middle of the night, he can make fun of you all he wants.”

“Spitfire barista,” Bucky blurted, before he chickened out. “Baristo? Anyway. Steve.”

Sam must have heard the reverence in his voice, because he stopped with the teasing. “Good guy?”

“Yeah.” Bucky bit his lip so he didn’t smile too wide, give the entire game away. Especially the parts he hadn’t even admitted to himself yet. “He didn’t judge. Not once. Even when…” He signed the word for ‘quiet’. “He knows ASL.”

“Sounds like a keeper.” He clinked his lemonade glass against Bucky’s beer bottle. “So what’s the problem?” When Bucky didn’t answer straightaway, he added, “And let me remind you of another rule, one that involves the words ‘I don’t deserve’.”

“It’s not that,” Bucky assured him.  

“Then what?”

He blew out a gusty breath. How do you solve a problem like Steven Grant Rogers? Especially when you shouldn’t even know his full name, address, date of birth, and all the other sundry details of his life, which he has not told you about or given you permission to know.

Sam, because he really was the best, understood that Bucky hadn’t found a way into talking about it yet.

“Tell me about him,” he encouraged. “How did you meet?”

“He works at a café at the woo-woo place across from the shop.”

“Wanda and Pietro’s digs?” Sam whistled. “Fancy.”

“He’s not like that though,” Bucky hastened to reassure him. “He actually kind of hates the place. And the customers. And anyone not on the café staff.”

Sam chuckled, fond. “Sounds like the two of you are kindred spirits. No wonder you get along.”

Bucky ignored that, too lost in attempting to explain Steve. “He’s like a raging ball of stubborn and righteous indignation. Goes on these rants. Wears T-shirts with political slogans. Always giving the finger to somebody. Got no sense of self-preservation, despite being 5’5” and skinny as a rake, with enough scars that maybe he enjoys being a punching bag, intimidating to exactly no one.” Bucky let out an indignant huff. “The douchebags who bring their cars to the shop have almost run him over multiple times, but no matter how many times he sprains his damn ankle, he still crosses at the same intersection every single morning.”

“Ah.” Sam’s grin turned too mischievous for Bucky’s liking. “There it is.”

“There what is, Wilson?”

“Nothing.” He did not buy Sam’s innocent act for one solitary second. “So he has the personality of a feral cat, but he was kind to you?”

“H-He…” Bucky stammered. When it came to Steve, he just couldn’t find the words, and he didn’t know why. “He took the time to…” He swallowed hard; it was difficult even now to admit how impossible some normal things seemed to him. “I didn’t know what kind of coffee I liked. He made me these samples, but not… So I could figure it out on my own.”

“Smart,” Sam acknowledged.

“He doesn’t push,” Bucky continued, feeling like he was on firmer ground. “Everyone else pushes, even if they don’t mean to. Steve just… accepts.”

Sam nodded, approval in his expression. “How you doing on communication? You said he knows ASL?”

“Yeah.” Bucky laughed, rueful. “I’m still me, though. That’s part of… I don’t know what comes next. What do we do now?”

“You mean you want to see him outside of work?”

“Like real friends,” Bucky agreed.

He turned thoughtful. “Has he given you any indication he’d be open to that?”

And there it was. The final frontier. The invitation that would be innocuous to most people but to Bucky had gone off like a landmine.

“His ma asked me for dinner,” Bucky confessed in a mumble. “He’s been talking to her about me, I guess.”

“He is smart,” Sam commented cryptically. “All right, walk me through it. Scariest to least, what’s triggering you about the situation?”

“Everything,” Bucky admitted to his empty cobbler plate, still precariously balanced on his lap. “New person. Unmonitored environment. Food stuff. Social interaction. Not wanting to give away too much. Not wanting to fuck it up.”

Sam absorbed this with his usual meditative expression. One of the things Bucky appreciated most about him was how well he listened, no objections, no expectations.

“Have you told him anything about your circumstances?” Sam asked, gentle.

“Only that I’m reintegrating.”

“Same as any vet. Got it.” Sam ruminated for longer than Bucky thought he would. “What’s your gut tell you?”

“Too soon.”

He didn’t hate the pride in Sam’s smile. “I agree. I think you’ve got to build a bit more of a foundation between you before you’ll feel safe in that kind of hostile environment with him as your only backup.”

Bucky blew out a breath he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding. He doubled over, head between his knees, relief crushing his chest. He wanted so much, so much to be a person, a real person who’d grown roots in this century, not just a transplant who rotted in unfamiliar soil. But it would take time and perseverance to revivify the dried-out husk HYDRA had left him.

“Good instincts.” Sam rubbed slow circles into his back. “I’m glad you came to me. You’re learning your limits, when to ask for help. I’m proud of you.”

“Don’t gotta lay it on so thick though,” Bucky croaked as he lifted himself back into a seated position.

“That’s where you’re wrong,” Sam admonished. “You need more than a little TLC, Barnes. Credit to this Steve of yours that he seems to sense that and is trying to do something about it. And I do think eventually you’ll need to let him. But you’re not there yet. We gotta do a little bond-strengthening before all that.”

“How do I do that?” Bucky grumped, never a fan of vulnerability.

“I’mma throw that one back to you.” He imitated lobbing a baseball. “What feels like a low-pressure thing the two of you could do outside of work? Or maybe not even completely outside, but before, after, lunch break—”

“That.” Bucky suffered a dizzy spell, the relief was so potent to have come up with a reasonable compromise. “We could take our bento boxes to… to…”

“The park?” Sam’s grin returned full force. “I like it. Only a block away. Time limit. Privacy. Ticks a lot of boxes.” Concern began to limn Sam’s features. “How you feeling about it?”

“Like an asshole who has a freak out about asking someone to have lunch with him.” Bucky savored the bluntness, his favorite defense mechanism, the equivalent of pressing on a sore tooth. “I’m such a fucking mess, Sam, I—”

“Nope.”

“But you—”

“Nuh-uh.” Sam’s scowl could be hella intimidating when he wanted it to be. “You know the rules.”

Bucky shut his eyes, attempted to find his center. Maybe he should sign up for classes at MCUW.

Whenever hell froze over.

“There’s something else,” Bucky blurted before he could stop himself, the feelings viscous, bubbly, frothing out of his mouth, just another one of his goddamn excretions. “I think… I might…”

“Mmm-hmm.” Sam anchored his grip at the base of Bucky’s neck, steady, strong. “All the more reason you should take your time. You do not want to fuck this up.”

Bucky glared at him, weirdly outraged. “You know?”

“Don’t lose your shit, but it’s kinda obvious.” Sam’s grin turned shit-eating in all the wrong ways. “The things your face does when you talk about him. Man, I didn’t think you even had that range of expression.”

“I—” The protest died in Bucky’s throat. His face did things when he thought of Steve?

“Please try and remember that this? Meant to be exciting.” Sam slapped him on the back, then reached for another beer, implying the session would soon be over. “And robots only catch feelings in sci-fi movies. So if you ever start doubting you’re a real boy? Just have a little chat with your dick about it.”

Bucky rolled his eyes so high it almost gave him vertigo. “You are such a fucking asshole.”

“Hey, you came to me.” He winked in Bucky’s direction. “Loverboy.”

End of Chapter 2

Chapter Text

Chapter 3 – Bear Hug

When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade, or so the saying goes. Bucky had no idea what to do when life gave you banana splits, or fudgy brownies, or golden opportunities. Especially when one practically fell into his lap. The phrase “What would Wilson do?” wasn’t exactly something he was eager to get tattooed on his ass.

“Special delivery!” a familiar voice sung out.

Annoyed at being interrupted for the umpteenth time that hour, Bucky glared up to see Darcy pushing a rolling cart across the lot, hips swinging in the va-va-voom way that reminded him so much of 1940s starlets. He’d been rigging up a particularly tricky custom headlight setup on a 1971 Ford Mustang. The owner had requested ‘bisexual lighting’, a fun challenge despite the fact that Logan had to explain the expression to him. It had led Bucky down a fascinating internet rabbit hole, full of so many useful tips he’d filled three pages in his blue notebook. Knowing that their client was likely queer also motivated him to deliver beyond her expectations, which he could not do if the rest of the shop collected around the rolling cart like pigs to the trough.

“I got drinks, I got eats, I got snacks,” Darcy drawled in her smoky voice.

Her visits had become a daily affair ever since the afternoon they’d sampled the summer specials, her and Luke circling each other like dogs in heat. As far as Bucky had overheard against his will, they’d gone out on several dates so far—they had, in Luke’s words, “sealed the deal”—so he wasn’t sure why Darcy bribed Guru Gamora into letting her deliver their lunches, aka an excuse to flirt with Luke in public for an hour.

But it exasperated him nonetheless. Especially since he had yet to enact Operation Park Lunch. Bucky wanted someone to bring him chocolatey treats on the regular. To moon over him in the break room. To perch on the hood of whatever car he worked on, brushing his dark-gold bangs out of his eyes as he ranted about the latest jackass to ask for a drink off the secret menu the Fiend didn’t have. To give him a long goodbye hug after Bucky escorted him safely back across the street. (Bucky’s imagination didn’t linger too long on how Steve managed the devil’s crosswalk in the first place.)

“Hey, mama.” Luke loped into Darcy’s space, blocking out the sun. He had a good foot on her, close to the same height difference as him and Steve—

“Hey, yourself.” Darcy grabbed his arms and locked them around her waist. Bucky wasn’t jealous. He was not. “Got that creole rice dish you like.”

“I’m more interested in if you’ve got a minute.”

“For you?” Darcy batted her eyelashes up at him. “I’ve got sixty.”

Bucky only barely resisted the urge to puke all over the circuit board in front of him. The rest of the shop bros—anyone who spent any kind of time with Steve ended up calling them that, even if he was one of them—fetched their orders and retreated to the picnic table unfortunately located right behind Bucky’s work station, in case he got any ideas about having a moment’s peace. To add insult to injury, Luke and Darcy sauntered off in the direction of the park, hand in hand, Luke carrying their lunches, Darcy expertly balancing their drinks like the queen barista she was.

He scowled over at the bento box Thor had deposited on the edge of his table, out of the line of fire. It smelled stupid delicious. Someone had added an extra order of brownies, a hand-drawn black dahlia sketched over the box’s seal.

Fuck my life.

As if his day couldn’t get much worse, the bros then began their ritual display of toxic masculinity.

“Luke is one lucky guy,” Logan sighed. “That Darcy is a Muhammad Ali-level TKO.”

Thor tisked. “You had your chance, my friend.”

“This wee one here?” Volt scoffed. “No lass gets hot for someone whose eyes stand at breast-level.”

“But what a view, am I right?” Drax quipped, to a chorus of loud cackles.

Bucky googled Muhammad Ali to keep from gouging his own eyes out. He ended up doing a deep dive on the history of boxing as related to the civil rights movement, then on local amateur clubs. He wondered if Steve liked to watch people getting punched in the face as much as he did. He jotted it down in his portable notebook as a potential social activity, along with “Wrestling? Jujitsu? Muy Thai?” MMA, he thought, might trigger too many flashbacks.

Before Bucky knew it, someone cleared their throat. He glanced up to find Darcy standing in front of his work station, Cheshire cat smirk in full effect. Bucky darted a look at the clock; he’d lost an hour to his pugilistic daydreams.

“You haven’t touched your brownies,” Darcy pointed out.

Bucky scrambled for a reason, came up with the most obvious. “Too pretty. Don’t want to ruin it.”

She nodded sagely, as if she heard that kind of dumb excuse all the time. With expert skill, Darcy flipped the box over, snicked the bottom open, then extracted the brownies. She flattened the box so that the drawing remained intact before slipping it over to him.

“There you go.”

“I…” His brain once again picked the perfect moment to short-circuit. “Thanks.”

“My break’s over in five.”

“Uh, sure.”

“I went first.”

Bucky blinked twice. Then again. Still couldn’t figure out what she meant. “Okay.”

She craned around, pointed up at the Fiend. “Employee terrace in ten.” She winked at him, walked backwards toward the garage door. “Enjoy the view.”

Bucky gaped at her until she disappeared into traffic, the rolling cart enough of an obstacle to justify jaywalking. The clang of a dropped wrench startled him into action. He jumped up, scrambled to clean his station. He shelved the circuit board, stowed the extra brownies in a sealed container, and grabbed his bento box, unimpressed with the way his flesh hand shook.

You know him, he reminded himself, a mantra he clung to when anxious. You know him.

By the time Bucky stalked out into the sundrenched lot, Steve was just settling into the lone chair on the employee terrace, his lunch balanced on his lap. Bucky didn’t want to startle him into a spill, but needs must. He whistled.

Steve’s hawkish eyes zeroed in on him immediately, smile so bright Bucky wished he remembered his shades. He waved, stupidly. Why Steve had this brain-cell melting effect on him—more than the usual—should probably be studied by scientists who didn’t want to take over the world.

“Park?” he signed, defaulting to the one word that blared through his mind.

“Great idea!” Steve’s smile stretched even wider, shined even brighter, scorching Bucky through. “Be down in a sec.”

The next few minutes passed in a blur. Bucky had lost time before, but this was next-level dreamtime. Somehow, he found himself lounging in the shade of a tall tree, bento box cradled in his metal hand, chopsticks in the other, Steve talking animatedly beside him about Bucky didn’t even know what. Well, ranting, per usual. He didn’t remember how they got from the MCUW building to the park, how they chose this spot, if he greeted Steve like a functional human being. Knowing Steve, he may very well have emerged from the building in full rant and not let up for the entire walk, but they had crossed multiple intersections during which Bucky had been nearly catatonic, which could not stand.

Steve’s safety came before all.

“Hey.” Steve nudged his boot with one of his turquoise sneakers, the ones with the star that he seemed to have in several shades. “You okay?”

Bucky focused in on him. Horrible idea—his eyes were really, really blue.

“N-No.” A problem couldn’t get resolved without honesty, Sam had taught him, but ooh, his stomach roiled at the prospect of Steve’s anger being directed at him. “I… Did I say hi to you just now?”

To his surprise, Steve blushed. “You would have, if I’d let you get a word in. Sorry, it’s been a day.”

Bucky shook his head, dismissive. “Did we have problems crossing the street?”

“Not after you basically threatened to punch a hole through some egomaniac biker’s engine.” Steve appeared more awestruck than upset about that turn of events. “Making you my personal hero.”

Which helped elucidate things for Bucky. The Soldier had come out. Events surrounding his Soldier episodes tended to get a little foggy in the aftermath. Good news: the Soldier would likely do everything in his power to protect Steve. Bad news: now he had to tell Steve about the Soldier.

Steve got ahead of him by frowning. “Are you… Did it trigger your PTSD?”

And Bucky must have a horseshoe up his ass today or something, because the powers that be kept lobbing him softballs he could easily knock out of the park. “Yeah. Sorry, I—”

“Don’t you dare apologize.” The frown deepened. “I’m not asking you to talk about it, but if you could give me an idea of what symptoms to look out for, what works best for you in terms of recovery, then I’ll do better about handling it next time.”

Wait. What?

“Steve, it’s not your problem to handle.”

“The hell it’s not.” And, ooh, there was that righteous fury that did things to Bucky’s insides. “You suffered everything that you suffered, and I’m just over here yapping like a dumbass while you’re having a full-on blackout episode. That’s what happened, isn’t it?”

“Sort of.” Bucky worked his jaw, unsure of how to right this ship without accidentally capsizing them. “It’s complicated.”

“Tell me what to look out for next time,” Steve insisted, in that adamant but heartfelt way of his. “What do you need now? Some water? Or juice? To lie down? Anyone you want me to call?”

“No, I…” Do not tell him you don’t have anyone. “Lying down would be nice, but after we finish eating.”

“Right, right, you should eat.” Steve gestured toward his bento box. “You okay with everything in there? It’s spicy today. You want my vegan hush puppy? There’s no peppers in it.”

“I’m good,” Bucky reassured him, scooping a bit of vinegary slaw into his mouth to prove it. “Could… could you keep talking? It’s grounding to hear your voice.”

Steve chuckled, fond. “Sure, Buck. You want an endless monologue, you came to the right place.”

Afterwards, they lay in the soft grass, gazing up at the peerless blue sky through the canopy of leaves. Steve seemed to intuit that Bucky needed quiet, lulled into his own contented trance by the distant sounds of traffic and city life. Bucky listened to the whisper of Steve’s breath beneath all that, to the potent beat of his heart. The electric tingle of his proximity made him shiver, but Bucky couldn’t quite bring himself to reach for his hand. The outing hadn’t gone exactly as he’d hoped it would, but he still got the sense that they’d come to a new understanding of each other, and the fact that they could enjoy the silence together boded well—very well.

In Steve, Bucky had gained a new ally in the fight against the darkness. A good thing—the best thing—because a few weeks later, he found himself in full-on crisis.

***

Some days, Bucky reveled in his routine. A sense of order, of regimentation, of moral balance had been instilled in him at his mother’s table—it hadn’t taken a lot for HYDRA, and the US Army before them, to bring that out in him, hone it to their questionable purposes. A significant part of his recovery came after mapping the boundaries of this new world and his place in it, organizing both his thoughts and his activities. There was peace in knowing where you were meant to be, what skills you required, what tools you’d have at your disposal. Bucky chose to work with his hands precisely to give himself the necessary level of control.

Some days, no matter how strictly you followed your rites and rituals, your lists and graphs and timetables, no matter how many alarms you set for yourself, no matter how much excess energy you purged through strength and effort, ghosts haunted your every step.

They loomed behind the fogged glass of the shower door, summoned by the squeak of the showerhead when you didn’t switch to the bath tap in time. They lurked behind every overbright shop window, with their clipboards and stopwatches and trays of surgical instruments. They hovered around the open roof of the limo Thor and Volt customized, the shape of the extra-large seats with deluxe cupholders, the shiny copper color of the fresh paint job reminding him of… reminding him…

Some days the past had you by the throat, squeezing tighter and tighter with every breath.

Just like…

“Barnes!”

Bucky jolted back into himself. He squatted behind the bumper of a Firebird they’d painted to resemble an actual phoenix, holding the customized back bumper… well, the now-mangled remains of the customized (and expensive) back bumper in his exposed metal hand. His glove lay shredded on the cement floor. Worse, he had absolutely zero idea how he’d gotten out of bed after hours in nightmare hell, let alone how he’d gotten himself to the shop.

Fuuuuuuck.

“Hey, Barnes,” Luke called over from his station, sotto voce. “Thor needs a consult on that Cybertruck.”

Bucky stole a moment to do some breathing exercises, because today of all days he shouldn’t shortcut his self-care regimen, then stowed the bumper where none of his fellow bros tended to look. Probably not the worst day to hammer something back into recognition—but that workout would have to wait. He ambled out of the garage, studiously ignoring each and every HYDRA sniper perched around the lot, despite their sights being aimed directly at him, their rictus grins so menacing that venom dripped from their fangs.

He repressed the urge to bolt at his first sight of the car. It looked even more like the chair in motor vehicle form, a mobile urban torture chamber for Neanderthals who hadn’t yet embraced their masochistic streak. It made him want to rage-smash everything in the vicinity.

Instead, Bucky flicked his eyes in Thor’s general direction. “How can I help?”

“Mr. Killian—”

“This guy? You’re serious?” Aldrich Killian, 43, founder and CEO of Advanced Idea Mechanics, DOB 8/7/1973, 5’10”, 178lbs, history of childhood illnesses, recent recipient of a hair transplant, Botox, fillers, spray-tan—stop. Stop it. Focus. “I’d say pull the other hand, but he doesn’t have one.”

Thor frowned. “I assure you—”

“What, does he get along with the cars because he’s one of them?” Killian sauntered over to inspect Bucky’s arm. Because he’d forgotten to nab another goddamned glove, like a chump. “Is that why Stark says you’re the best? You got a cyborg?”

Expression thunderous and fists clenched into twin hammers, Thor rumbled, “I won’t tolerate that sort of talk, about anyone. Please take your business elsewhere.”

“How about for a million large?” Killian began to circle Bucky as if appraising a high-performance vehicle. “You take my business then, Fabio? You probably do well for yourselves here, but that kinda dough can take you to the next level.”

“You heard the boss,” Logan barked. The rest of the bros formed a wall beside Thor, arms across their chests, stares hard enough to pulverize diamond. “Pack it up.”

Instead of heeding that warning, Killian did the unthinkable. He got right in Bucky’s face.

“How about you, Mister Roboto?” He leered up at Bucky as he closed the space between them. “You happy being a grease monkey, or you aspire to more, more, more? The things I could do with a body like yours—”

Don’t. Don’t. Don’t. Don’t, he screamed inside, but no one ever heard him. He should have learned long ago—no one ever came for him. Bucky panted, panted, panted, a galling metronome in counterpoint to his racing heart. His skin crawled with ants at the man’s proximity. He grit his teeth near to cracking, his jaw muscles a spasming riot. If they can’t get the bit in, they won’t risk the chair—

Click. The sound of a thousand rifles aimed at his head. The sound of vibranium manacles being locked in. The sound of the switch flip before the pain blighted everything out. Ghosts of villains past surged toward him, swarmed around him, blocking out the sun.

Then someone seized him by his metal arm, and the blackness swallowed him whole.

*

A fuck of a day. A motherfuck of a day. Relentless, sweltering, and under-stocked—Steve’s least favorite trifecta. Thanks to some influencer who believed in coffee enemas or some shit, the special summer menu had gone kaboom on social media. Teen girls flocked in from out of state to get a pic holding the Iced Coffee Rosé like a rose between two palms, part of some cover challenge based on those sparkly vampire books Steve did not understand. Or tippling the Moonflower. Or sipping from the Savoy.

There were memes. Tribute songs. Theme costumes. Fan art. (Steve felt particularly salty about those, mostly because he didn’t think of it first.) They’d just about depleted the entire New England stock of floral syrup. Darcy had spent the better part of the previous afternoon sourcing more from Europe, mostly because a few imitators had sprung up in West Coast coffee shops, where they hoarded their stock like greedy little Gollums.

The only upside was that Wanda and Pietro were hella impressed. MCU-Dubs membership had gone up exponentially. Some of the juice bar staff had been repurposed to the Fiend to give Darcy, Steve, and their weekend warriors Yelena and Kate some much-needed help. They already pestered them about expanding the floral theme into fall and beyond, dangling raises in front of their noses.

But with the carrot came the stick of being busy all the damn time. No more lulls. No more leisurely hours before the morning rush. If they were lucky, their syrup stock lasted till three in the afternoon. Any free time Steve had was spent making yet another cutesy sign to let people know that when they ran out, they ran out, no complaints, no substitutes. No harassing the baristas.

So forgive him for being a wee bit cranky at being interrupted in the seventh hour of an endless rush.

The thing of it was, Steve hadn’t been expecting Bucky. Now that the Fiend was a proverbial hive of activity from open till close, Bucky stuck around until the machine revved up enough for Steve to pour him his drink after his usual morning escort, then made himself scarce. They’d managed a few park lunches when Steve could get the entire hour—beyond grateful that only three people could functionally fit behind the counter—but otherwise hadn’t seen much of each other save for the occasional ASL convo from the employee terrace.

And then, that morning, Bucky hadn’t shown up at all.

Steve couldn’t decide which was worse: Bucky being in such bad shape that he couldn’t get out of bed, or Bucky being so exasperated with Steve’s impossible schedule that he surrendered his protection detail. Both made him want to punch something until he’d slashed his knuckles to ribbons. He did not need this kind of stress, not today, not ever, but especially not when confronted by an entire busload of nepo babies from the Hamptons—literally, they had chartered Taylor Swift’s actual tour bus—demanding they substitute in agave syrup and scrutinizing the list of ingredients for unsustainable dyes.

Steve was about two seconds from biting all of their heads off like a Komodo dragon on meth, when he caught a flash of movement in his peripheral vision. He glanced over his shoulder mid-muddle and—

Oh. Oh, shit.

Bucky peered desperately in through the glass door to the employee terrace. He looked like a dog who’d been hit by a series of cars, but who’d somehow crawled his way out of the ditch he’d expected to die in. Agony etched deep into the lines of his face. His eyes resembled ponds that had frozen over. His metal hand, exposed to the elements, kept signing the word “Please” against his chest, as if a malfunction in its circuitry caused the order from Bucky’s brain to play on loop, as if this was his only way to self-soothe.

Steve just about fell apart at the sight of him. He was too goddamned exhausted for this. He’d made a hundred and seventy-eight drinks that morning alone. He wanted to slaughter celebutards for sport and/or sleep for a thousand years. Not to mention what Darcy was going to do to him if he even suggested—

“Shiiiiiit.” Too late. Darcy glanced at Yelena, who frothed oat milk like her life depended on it. The vociferousness of their silent conversation made him want to hurl. “Steve, we got this. Go.”

“What—”

“Take all the time you need,” she insisted. “Katie’s a half-hour out. She’s covering breaks anyway.”

“But—” He gestured to the throngs in front of them.

“We’re gonna run out by noon at this rate.” Darcy spared another glance at the window, softened further. “Get him some help. Somewhere safe.”

Maybe it was the fatigue, maybe it was her compassion, but Steve choked back a serious case of the verklempts. Then he remembered that he was a creature of spit and gristle and no quit, so he chugged the rest of his stashed coffee, refilled his water bottle, whipped off his apron, and beelined for the employee terrace.

Bucky appeared on the verge of collapse when he noticed Steve headed his way. He backed away enough to leave a sliver of space for Steve to exit, glaring at him all the while. The frost over his eyes had melted a bit, replaced by a cyclone of hurt.

“Hug,” he signed before Steve could say a word. “Hug, please.”

Everything about Bucky broke Steve’s heart.

“Of course, Buck,” he signed back. “But are you sure you’re okay with touch right now?”

“Need hug.” Bucky inched closer, so close Steve could see him vibrating with anguish. “Long hug.”

“Come here,” Steve whispered, then wrapped his arms around him.

Held him, held him, held him, tight as he could. Bucky let out an animal whine, dug his fingers into Steve’s sides, hard enough to bruise. Steve didn’t care. He pressed his cheek over Bucky’s left pec, listening to the frantic beat of his heart. Felt the gust of Bucky’s panicked breaths like a hot breeze down his neck. Still, he held him, an iron rod around which a colossus had bent, until Bucky began to teeter from side to side, still on the verge of collapse.

Steve steered him over to the lone chair. Guided him down, slow, slow, so that he avoided crushing it. Before Bucky could get his bearings, or think about protesting, Steve climbed into his lap and cradled his arms around him anew. Bucky buried his face in Steve’s neck, let out a pathetic little bleat. Steve massaged his flesh shoulder till the tension leeched out of him, till Bucky slumped against him like a rag doll made of sandbags. Or concrete.

He was about fifty percent sure he’d fallen asleep when Bucky rasped, “What did I do?”

“Kept me from decapitating a bunch of one-percenter spawn thereby saving my job and, let’s be real, my life as I know it, so thanks for that.” Steve guesstimated Bucky absorbed about a quarter of that.

“Did I hurt anyone?”

“I’m gonna go with no.” Steve sighed, forced himself to add, “But you only got here ten minutes ago, so I can’t pinkie swear or anything. Still going with no on instinct.”

Bucky let out a soft groan of dismay, pressed his flushed face against Steve’s skin. Despite the heat of the day, he welcomed the burn.

“What’s that squealing noise?” He felt Bucky’s brow furrow. A good sign, the being attuned to his surroundings thing. Meant he might be coming back to himself.

“Late-stage capitalism reaching its zenith.”

“This chair really sucks.”

“That, it does.”

Without warning, Bucky hoisted them both out of the chair, lurched over to the small rectangle of wall at the far side of the employee terrace, and huddled down against it. Only then did Steve register that the metal arm had been supporting his ass the whole time. The position also brought them face-to-face, more or less, Bucky slouched against the invisible rail to his left so that he couldn’t be seen from inside the café.

Steve shifted to the right, doing his best to shield him with his body, but stayed in his lap. For now, he told himself.

“Bad day?” He went back to rubbing Bucky’s shoulders, because he could.

Bucky huffed. “Understatement.”

“Can I get you anything?” Steve defaulted to service in the face of… whatever the hell this was. “Water? Coffee? A blanket?”

“Just you.”

Bucky shut his eyes. Steve watched him count through several breathing exercises, sometimes mouthing the numbers, sometimes falling into long minutes of silence. He sent a silent prayer to the universe that no one would interrupt them, all too aware of the chaos that waited behind the terrace doors and down below. He spared a thought to the shop bros across the street, but didn’t want to break his concentration on Bucky to check what might be happening over there.

Eventually, Bucky’s eyes fluttered back open, his blues stormier than Steve had ever seen them.

“Been seeing ghosts all day,” he confessed in a whisper. “In my peripheral. Happens sometimes, after…” He swallowed hard. “I was a prisoner of war, Steve.”

“Oh, Buck.” Steve pulled him into another intense, eternal hug. Thought about never letting go.

“Gotta get this out,” Bucky insisted, nudging Steve away so he could see his face. “They tortured me till… till I didn’t know my own mind. Took my arm. Controlled me. Wiped my memories. Made me their weapon.”

Everything Steve had, he devoted to being there for Bucky, to biting back the murderous, murderous rage that roiled inside him. Whoever hurt him like this was gonna pay. Steve would find a way.

“There’s other stuff I wanna tell you, but…” Bucky’s face crumpled. Steve shoved back in close, squeezed him tight enough to shatter bone in a lesser human. “You’re gonna think—”

“I’m gonna care about you,” Steve growled, adamant. “I’m gonna make it my life’s work to kill everyone who hurt you. You don’t gotta tell me anything you don’t want to, Buck, but I’m with you. I’m always gonna be with you.”

“Steve.” He hadn’t ever heard Bucky sound so small. It made him want to scream. “What happened to me, it’s crazy. You’re never gonna believe it.”

“Don’t tell me what to think, Bu—”

Lightning struck. Steve didn’t know how, didn’t know why it had never occurred to him before. He wrenched away from Bucky, far enough to reel his dog tags up, to flip them right-side up, to read them for the first time. To confirm the connection his brain had only just made after a flash of a long-forgotten memory from a history book.

His favorite book from when he was a kid, a history of the Howling Commandos.

And there it was, proof engraved in steel:

JAMES B. BARNES

32557038

“What the fuck?” Steve muttered to himself. He ran a finger over the embossed letters, over and over, but that did nothing to change them. “What in the ever-loving fuck?” It took him way too long to notice Bucky had gone completely rigid beneath him, as if bracing for a body blow.

And that, Steve would not let stand. He reached out, cradled Bucky’s heavy skull, so that he could peer into his solemn, handsome face—a bit more weathered, but still as youthful as the one in his picture book from long ago.

“How?” Steve exhaled more than said the word. “How are you here with me, Bucky Barnes? Didn’t you fall to your death off a train in 1945?”

The storm clouds cleared from Bucky’s eyes at that. “You know about me?”

Steve nodded. “My da was a history buff. I inherited all his books when he passed. Captain America: A Complicated Legacy. At War With The Howling Commandos. Cap And The Howlies: The True Story Of America’s First Avengers.” Steve snickered at himself. “Slept with that one by my bed every night.”

“They wrote books about us?” He wished he could bottle the innocence in Bucky’s expression and sell it as a party drug. “Cap, I figured, but us?”

“Think they left out a few chapters.” Steve stroked his thumbs along the edge of Bucky’s jaw, not ready to lose contact with the miracle that he was. “Nothing good, I bet.”

“No.” Bucky kneaded his cheek into Steve’s palm like a stray cat who’d finally found a gentle touch.

Steve fell, then, quicksilver-fast, Mariana Trench-deep, intensely, irrevocably, for the tender, haunted man in his arms—no blast out of an alpine train required. Just the vibranium-strong determination that no one, no one would ever hurt Bucky Barnes again. Not on Steve’s watch.

A commotion from inside caught his attention. The shop bros shoved their way through the throngs of hyperactive nepo babies, who reacted as expected when anyone dared to approach their person uninvited—claws out. Darcy attempted to intercede while Kate and Yelena continued to pump out drink after drink. Steve could tell she was about this close to getting her training whistle out.

“This place is a madhouse,” Steve grumbled under his breath. With reluctance, he shifted his hands down to Bucky’s shoulders. “Let’s get you out of here, huh? Somewhere quiet.” Steve evaluated their options for a tactical retreat, which… weren’t great. “Think you can climb over the rail? We can sneak around to the far door—”

“You really don’t…” A whole row of stitches knit Bucky’s brow. “You’re not scared of me?”

“Why would…” Steve grimaced. “Buck, you’re…” No, nope, too soon for any of that. “Let’s get you safe, then we can—”

Before Steve could complete that thought, the door burst open and three of the shop bros—Thor, Luke, and Logan—stomped out onto the employee terrace. The now overcrowded employee terrace, though that didn’t stop Steve from jumping to his feet and forming a petite human barrier between them and Bucky.

“Leave him alone!” Steve snarled. Since the best defense was a good offense, he stared them down with what he’d been told was his ‘disappointed mentor’ face. “I don’t know what you meatheads did to make him like this, but you should be fucking ashamed of yourselves.”

To his surprise, Thor looked nothing short of bewildered.

“I assure you, Mr… Fiend, we did nothing to trigger—”

Like the scrappiest lawyer in the public defender’s office, Steve leapt on that admission, “So you agree he was triggered?”

“One of our clients—”

“Color me shocked.” Steve scoffed. “What did he drive, a Beemer? A Humvee?”

“Cybertruck,” Luke offered, apologetic.

“Let me get this straight.” Steve crossed his arms over his chest and deployed his ‘maximum judgment’ expression. “You put a disabled vet in a situation where one of your brain-trust clients could shoot his mouth off without supervision, enough to trigger a panic attack? Hope you got a fortune squirreled away in one of those novelty tires, because any worker’s comp lawyer’s gonna take you to the cleaners.”

“Barnes, will you call off your pet Dachshund here?” Logan barked. Steve smugly noted that Logan had to stretch to his tippy toes to see over Steve’s head. “We just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

Thor hastened to add, “We banished Killian from the lot. Volt is on the phone with Ms. Potts as we speak, demanding a formal apology from Stark.”

“Wait, Aldrich Killian?” Steve’s chest heaved with outrage. “Extremis Aldrich Killian? King Tech Bro himself? The guy who wiped out the power grid across the Tri-State area and caused the deaths of thousands of unhoused—”

“Stark called in a favor,” Luke explained, appearing as exasperated as Steve. “Only found out who for when he rolled up.”

“You ever try getting rid of someone that power-hungry?” Logan seconded. “They don’t go quietly.”

Thor eyed Steve, wary. “That is no excuse, of course, for the poor choice I made in permitting him to speak to Friend Barnes as he did. In attempting to avoid a physical altercation, I did not act swiftly enough.”

It took everything Steve had not to spit fire. “You shouldn’t have—”

“Is he hurt?” Bucky hadn’t moved from the corner, legs tucked up to his chest. “D-Did I—”

“Hey, no, Barnes.” Luke crouched down to his level, though he stayed behind the barrier of Steve’s legs. “You bolted. That’s all. He was the one that grabbed you.”

“His arm,” Bucky bleated. Steve ached to go to him, but he didn’t want to give these troglodytes an inch. “Is it—”

“You should have broken it,” Logan growled. “I would have snapped it clean off, if I was you.”

“You ran straight here,” Luke continued. “Moved so fast, I don’t…” He cut his eyes over to Steve, cautious. “I don’t think anyone saw you.”

Something about the way he said it lit a tiny spark in the back of Steve’s mind, but he was too busy playing guard dog to give it his full attention. Except…

“Wait.” He turned around just enough to include Bucky in the conversation. “How did you get up here, Buck?”

Bucky went stone-faced, his default reaction when stressed. Shit.

“Please take the rest of the afternoon, Friend Barnes,” Thor insisted, an obvious distraction. “The week, if you need. I’ll make sure all your consultations are private from now on.”

When Bucky didn’t reply, Steve invaded Thor’s sightline, bulldog lock to his jaw and flint in his eyes.

“And?”

Thor shifted from foot to foot, restless. “And you’ll receive double pay for today.”

Steve raised an expectant brow. “And?”

Thor gulped. “And we’ll soundproof the door to your section of the garage, so that you never see or hear our clients.”

Steve nodded, satisfied. “That sound good to you, Buck?”

He let out a disbelieving huff. “The stones on you, Stevie.”

“I think that’s a yes.” Luke flicked his concerned brown eyes from Steve to Bucky, then back again. “You’ll take care of him?”

Steve arched his brow even higher, resisted the urge to bare his teeth. “What do you think?”

Logan snorted. “This one’s a keeper, for sure, Barnes.”

The shop bros muttered goodbyes and well-wishes, then trooped back into the café. Steve watched to make sure they reached the exit, tracking their progress through the nepo baby swamp, the vile waters of which had thinned out a bit, but hadn’t drained enough for Steve’s liking. They must have just run out of floral syrup.

A gesture from Darcy caught his attention. She mimed punching out, then shooed him off with a whisk of her hands.

Steve didn’t need to be told twice. He whirled around, only to find Bucky right there, kneeling before him. In an adorable mirror of the way Steve hugged him when they were both at full height, Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve’s middle, buried his face in Steve’s chest. Steve embraced the role of protector, carding his fingers through Bucky’s velvety locks of hair and latching a supportive arm around his back. They held there for long minutes, Steve quietly marveling at the fact of Bucky’s existence.

He wouldn’t push for the rest of his story, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t curious. Still, priorities.

“Can you hold tight here while I get my stuff from my locker?” He couldn’t resist a few more pets to Bucky’s head. “Then I will do you the honor of walking you home. For a change.” He couldn’t help a frown when Bucky tensed up. “Or we could stay out here till we both burn to a crisp.”

Bucky let out a soft groan. “Meet you down there?”

And Steve? Well, Steve already had some suspicions.

“If you’re gonna do that,” he drawled as casually as possible, “then I wanna see how.”

Another pointed huff, and Bucky let him go. “Get your stuff,” he said to the floor.

Steve also wasn’t born yesterday. “You gonna be here when I get back?”

“Yeah.”

He sped through his normal closing-out routine, both to avoid being devoured by the voracious gaggle of pouting proto-debutantes and to preempt Bucky second-guessing himself. Steve shouldn’t have worried—he found Bucky testing the buckles on this harness-like contraption he’d pulled out of literally nowhere, which he proceeded to fasten around Steve.

“What are you…” It was one thing to suspect and another thing to be rushed through preparations. “Wait.”

“Backpack on.” Bucky magicked a rubber band into being, which he used to tie the arms of Steve’s bag together across his chest without seemingly making a single knot. Then, he crouched in front of him. “Hop on.”

Steve gaped at him. “You want me to piggyback?”

Bucky rolled his eyes at his tone. “You’re too big to carry in front.”

“Carr—" Steve shook his head, violent. “We can sneak around to the far door.”

“You can,” Bucky insisted, with infinite patience. “If you want. I can’t do that kind of crowd. Not today.” There was no challenge in his tone, but Steve, being Steve, heard one all the same. “Meet you downstairs?”

“Like hell you will.”

Clamping himself to Bucky’s broad, muscled back was no hardship. Steve didn’t know what to do with his legs that avoided his—soft, from nerves—dick nudging into Bucky’s back, but Bucky had it covered, looping the harness around Steve in a snug but movable tether. Steve hugged his arms around Bucky for an extra layer of support, pressing his hands into his chest. Nothing wrong with providing a little comfort while they… whatever.

Steve knew, he did, what they were about to do, but he didn’t want to think about it.

“Shoulders.” Without warning, Bucky stood.

Steve went with him, feet leaving the ground. “Huh?”

“Arms around my shoulders, Stevie,” Bucky instructed as he demonstrated. “And whatever you do, do not let go.”

Before Steve could think of a smartass retort, they were off. Back to the corner, boot wedged in a crack in the brick, a leap off the top of the rail to propel them, then up the side of the building.

Up the fucking building.

“Holy shit, holy shit,” Steve panted, as they swung over onto the roof.

Before Steve could blink, Bucky zoomed across it, halting with a foot propped up on the ledge. The building behind MCU-Dubs was attached to it, but its roof was a story down.

“You okay?” Bucky checked in, a thin skein of tension over his voice. “I can bust into the stairwell. Drop you here.”

“Don’t you dare drop me.” Steve didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry or to scream. “We gonna jump or what?”

“Stubborn as a fucking mule,” Bucky grumbled, before launching them off the ledge.

Luna Park Cyclone, eat your heart out, Steve thought in order to stay sane. Because what in the ever-loving fuck was his life? He’d gone from the shift from hell, to hug therapy with a needful Bucky, to snarling at gym-bros who could snap him in half with their pinkie, to soaring over the rooftops of Bed-Stuy on his own personal rocket man.

Steve bit back the urge to whoop like an over-sugared teenager as Bucky leapt across the width of an entire two-lane street when they needed to change direction, skidding to a temporary stop to control his momentum before racing over the top of a pedestrian overpass. He swung from streetlamps and road signs to avoid the park, the closest Steve had ever felt to flying. After somehow landing on a tin roof without a sound, Bucky kept to the back of the row houses to avoid being seen from any nosy neighbors’ windows, flesh hand curled around Steve’s thigh to steer his weight in the right direction.

But under other circumstances…

Mind out of the gutter, Rogers, sheesh.

Steve felt almost disappointed when Bucky slid down a drainpipe with firefighter skill, landing them in a backyard—wait, this was home. Their dual salaries permitted Steve and his ma to rent the ground floor of a modest brownstone, with a small back balcony and access to the communal yard. He’d recognize the fruits of his ma’s gardening obsession anywhere—their balcony being more of a tribute to her green thumb than a place where, say, two people could relax for an evening. Bucky, unsurprisingly, had sprung for the yard as landing pad, a barren but empty space at this time of day.

The feeling only just started to return to his legs when Bucky deposited him on the edge of the ancient, graffitied picnic table their super considered deluxe patio furniture. He wasted no time in whipping the harness off both of them, rolling it into a ball and poof-ing it away like a souped-up David Blaine. Before Steve could properly recover from the ride of his life—non-sexual edition, or was it?—Bucky cowered away from him, walking into the shelter of the lone tree and refusing to meet Steve’s eyes.

“Hey, no fair, I can’t…” Steve tested out putting weight on his legs by setting them on the seat—nope. “Pins and needles are a bitch, Buck. Get back here.”

Bucky hunched into himself, all the comfort Steve’s hugs had given him lost in transit.

“I should go,” he signed. “I won’t—”

“If you say you won’t bother me again,” Steve groused—aloud, since Bucky wouldn’t look at him, “let me tell you right now, that’s really gonna bother me.” When Bucky didn’t so much as smirk, Steve added, “I thought we were going to your place?”

Bucky shrugged.

Steve got that message loud and clear. “This because I know you’re enhanced? Because, Buck, I do not give a single solitary shit about that. Your secret’s safe with me.”

He made a second attempt at putting some weight on his legs, managed to stand while supported by the table. Steve wasn’t proud—he would have crawled over to Bucky if need be. But he recognized how vulnerable Bucky felt in that moment, likely to bolt if Steve made the wrong move. Instead, he reached out.

“I don’t know about you,” he said in his most beseeching voice, “but I sure could use another of those hugs right about now.” Bucky twitched, violent, jonesing for affection. Steve had him on the hook all right. “How about it, Buck?”

“Steven, my darling, my sunshine, you might have told me you were bringing a guest home.”

Steve shut his eyes, said a silent prayer to whatever god his desperation might conjure into existence that his ma’s arrival wouldn’t ruin everything.

“Stay,” he signed to Bucky, all but pleading. Also to that same invented god that his ma hadn’t seen them swoop down the drainpipe. “Please, stay.” And to force the issue a bit. “Sorry, Ma. Thought you were on days this week.” An obvious lie, which her soft gray eyes clocked as soon as Steve turned to greet her. Also the fact that Bucky was making himself one with the trunk of their elm tree. “Buck walked me back. We both had kind of a rough day.”

“This is your Bucky, then?” Leave it to his ma to somehow produce a pitcher of lemonade out of thin air the instant she spotted them. And bless her instincts, she marched right over to Bucky and opened her arms after depositing the tray on the picnic table. “What a thrill to finally meet you.”

Bucky straightened, bashful smile in full effect. “The pleasure’s mine, ma’am.”

After a moment’s hesitation, he let her fold him into her arms, despite his ma being a couple inches shorter than Steve himself. Neither of them missed the soft whimper that slipped from Bucky’s lips as he nestled into her embrace. A sort of peace came over Steve, seeing his two favorite people together.

Something about Bucky just fit here with them.

“Please, dear, call me Sarah.” She maintained vigilant eye contact with him even after he broke away, her way of assuring him of her acceptance. “Well, lucky for the pair of you I put a roast on. Bucky, I assume you’ll be joining us for dinner?”

“I…” He saw it clear as day: the panic, the insecurity, the conflict. The soldier in Bucky calculated some way, any way to get out of it, despite the rest of him craving the company, the stability. In the end, he’d been raised too damn polite to say no. “Yes, ma’am. I’d appreciate it.”

“Call me Sarah, love,” his ma underlined. “Now have some lemonade. You both look like you’ve been climbing the walls.”

End of Chapter 3

Chapter Text

Chapter 4 – Glitter Bomb

Soft, mmm.

Bucky drifted into wakefulness, but didn’t open his eyes. His instincts prodded him to assess his surroundings, so he did, begrudgingly, having no memory of how he found himself somewhere so comfy. Snug. Warm. With the fluffiest pillows and the downiest blanket. Some folk singer humming away on the wireless nearby. No threats, no constrictions, no enemy to speak of—just the shuffling of slippers and the susurration of voices approximately eighteen feet away. Bucky didn’t know how he’d found himself in such a place, but he never wanted to leave. He let himself sink back into blissful…

The smell roused him sometime later. What was that incredible smell? Like Sunday afternoons, family gathered around a long table, little girls giggling whenever a rumpled, bearded man glanced their way, eyes twinkling with mischief. And a woman, a woman in a burgundy dress, the same color as the wine, patting each of their heads as she set a plate in front of them, her fingers bunching in the curls at the back of his neck…

Thanks, Ma, someone with a high-pitched version of his voice said in his vision.

“Thanks, Ma,” he heard Steve say in the kitchen.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck.

Bucky shot up into a seated position so fast, the room spun. Not that that would have helped him orient himself any—he didn’t recognize the cozy living room he found himself in, or the plush green couch, or the fuzzy blanket swaddled around his legs. He sank back into the pillows—the fluffy, fluffy pillows—before he could think better of it, concentrated on breathing in and out. The ceiling above had dainty egg-dart molding that wouldn’t have been out of place in an apartment of this size in the ‘30s, and so Bucky counted the little egg shapes and listened to the clink of utensils and tried not to lose his shit at his first memory of his family in over seventy years.

“Hey, sleepyhead.” Steve brushed cool fingers over Bucky’s forehead, pet over his hair in a mirror of the action from his memory. Settled down on the slip of space between Bucky and the cushion edge, gaze fond as it took in Bucky’s face. The corner of his mouth twitched—Steve fought not to show his distress.

When he had learned to read Bucky so easily was yet another thing that had slipped through the cracks in his memory. The cracks being the size of valleys, this was hardly a surprise.

“H-How long?” Bucky rasped, throat thick from disuse.

Not from screaming for once, he realized, or Steve would have woken him much earlier.

“Just a couple hours.” Steve also didn’t need to be told Bucky blanked on the details. “We were sitting under the tree when you started drooping. Dead on your feet. Lucky for me, didn’t take much to convince you to come inside. Otherwise, you’d be bunking in the garden.”

“Wouldn’t-a minded.”

“Figured,” Steve chuckled. “But my ma would never have forgiven herself. ‘Sides, everyone needs a little spoiling now and then.”

Those nimble artist’s fingers resumed their gentle carding through his hair. Bucky couldn’t find it in himself to disagree.

“Did I dream?” Not what he wanted to ask, but Steve somehow heard the real question anyway.

“Don’t think so.” His lips curled into a smirk. “Snoring was pretty non-stop, so.”

Bucky scoffed. “Jerk.”

“Guilty.” Steve shrugged, mock-innocent. “Dinner’s about thirty minutes out. Ma thought you might want to take a shower or something?”

Steve’s fingers felt the tension in him immediately, starting stroking double-time.

Bucky fought to regulate his breathing. Can’t let any of my bullshit touch him. Not one single speck.

“Is there a bath?” he forced himself to ask.

“Mmm-hmm.” With a final, wonderful squeeze to his neck, Steve stood. “Come on, I’ll show ya.”

Bucky almost begged him back. Instead, he slowly emerged from his blanket cocoon, feeling a bit like a caterpillar who’d gotten a glimpse of the good butterfly life. He ambled along behind Steve, avoiding every angle that might expose him to the kitchen, and therefore to Sarah’s too-kind gaze, so much that before he knew it, he had an armful of towels.

“Dug out one of my da’s old rugby shirts.” Steve plopped it atop the pile. To Bucky’s eternal shame, it smelled freshly laundered. “Might be a bit snug, but Ma says it should fit. If not, we can try one of his bathrobes…”

“This works,” Bucky hastened to reassure him. Not that Steve seemed to be the one who needed reassurance.

“Anyway, temporary.” Steve gestured him into the small bathroom, but didn’t follow. “Drop your shirt and hoodie outside the door. We’ll give ‘em a wash.”

“Stevie, you don’t gotta—”

“Spoiling, remember?” And the bastard winked. He winked at him. “Whole mess of bath bombs in the cupboard there. Shampoo, conditioner, all the good stuff. Ma says to use anything you like. She gets tons of them. Grateful patients bringing in gift baskets and all.”

Bucky desperately wished he could pretend to understand. But, “Bath… bombs?”

Steve grinned from ear to ear. “Fill about half the tub, drop one in, you’ll see.” And now Bucky had to do it—like he said, bastard. “The glitter ones are my favorite.”

Bewildered, Bucky could only gape at him. “Why?”

“Because I’m queer AF, Buck.” He winked again. “Duh.”

*

The knock came way too soon. Way, way, waaaayyyy too soon.

When he came into this world, Bucky may have been given a cosmology by his parents and their traditions. Likely, he thought, though his memory provided only blurry, abstract images: a tall candle in a window, the threadbare cover of a massive gold-flecked tome, a silver tassel. Now, after everything he’d been through, Bucky didn’t believe in a deity or a force or even the astral plane with all his ancestors like in Wakanda. After decades of endless, excruciating pain, after losing every last scrap of himself, after witnessing evil on a scale that few could even fathom, the only thing Bucky believed in was human fallibility.

But, boy, had he found himself a little slice of heaven in the Rogers’s tub.

He’d gone for the glitter because he knew it would make Steve smile. What he hadn’t expected was to be transported to another dimension, one where everything was beautiful and nothing hurt. Silken waters poached his skin a beguiling pink. His speckled knees emerged like ice cubes in a sea of absinthe—fitting, since the bomb he’d used was called The Green Fairy and smelled like eucalyptus. Waves of sunlight dappled the far wall, rippled by the filter on the lone window, the room’s only illumination. It was like bathing in a lagoon in a tropical rainforest. Bucky never wanted to leave.

Then, the sharp series of knocks. Trouble in paradise.

“Bucky dear, we waited as long as we could.”

Shit, shit, shit. If there was one person who could get him to pull the plug, it was Sarah Rogers.

“I’m afraid Steve’s going to launch a search-and-rescue mission if you don’t come out of there soon.”

In the distance, Steve wailed, “Ma!”

Another reason to come back to Earth: the embarrassment factor.

“Coming, ma’am.”

With visceral reluctance, Bucky eased himself out of the tub and toweled off. He did his best to remove the glitter, but suspected it snuck into certain orifices that he didn’t have the time or the inclination to excavate. Besides, it gave him a little thrill to keep some of the bath with him. Steve’s father’s shirt smelled wooly and fresh, an echo of Steve’s own scent. Bucky lost another minute to rubbing the collar all over his face, then dressed.

He followed his nose to the dining room, where a feast had been laid out: roast beef with rich gravy, potatoes dripping with garlic butter, honeyed carrots, a citrusy summer salad, and Yorkshire pudding. And a seat just for him beside Sarah at the head, across from Steve, as if they’d always been waiting for him. As if he belonged.

Bucky bit his tongue with the effort not to weep.

“About damn time.” Steve must have seen it, by the furrow of his brow. “Sit down already. We’re starving.”

“The manners on you, Steven,” Sarah tisked. “I know I didn’t raise you to be rude to our guests.” Steve bowed his head, mollified, as Bucky slid into his seat. “What’s your preferred cut, Bucky dear? Steve here is a heathen who only eats the pink, but you look like an outside cut type man.”

“Please, ma’am.” Truth be told, Bucky had no idea what kind of cut of meat he preferred, except for snarky, scrawny, mouthy blonds with more stones than sense. But he wasn’t about to say that to Sarah Rogers.

“Buck, she wants you to call her Sarah,” said mouthy blond reminded him.

“I want him to call me Ma,” Sarah primly declared. “I’ll settle for Sarah. I give you fair warning that ‘ma’am’ won’t be tolerated much longer, Bucky love, so you’d best find a way to get your tongue around my given name.”

“She means it,” Steve warned, eyes bright with mischief. “If you keep it up, next time she won’t make Yorkshire pudding. And apple instead of peach pie for dessert.”

Sarah shook her head in mock-dismay. “You see what I put up with?”

“He can be a lot.” Bucky nodded, earnest. “But you get used to it.”

The two of them froze, stared at him for a beat, then burst into laughter. Bucky, surprising even himself, joined in.

“I see you’ve been on the business end of one of his rants.” Sarah passed him a heaping plate, with three thick slabs of beef ensconced in savory mounds of potatoes and carrots, with a river of gravy running through it, buoying up the flaky pudding balloon. An individual salad portion already sat in a bowl beside his knife. “I’ve hidden earplugs all around the place, since I never know when he’ll strike.”

Bucky swallowed back the gush of saliva in his mouth. His stomach spasmed, let out a furious gurgle—they ignored it. It took everything in him to wait till everyone had been served. He almost passed out after the first, scrumptious bite—it was beyond delicious.

It was a taste of home.

“Buck loves my rants,” Steve insisted, like the little shit he was. “Listens like a champ.”

“They block out the noise of the city.” Carrots melted in his mouth like butter. He might never be able to eat anywhere else ever again. “Help me focus.”

Steve, onto him, cheekily noted, “And he agrees with every single word I say.”

“Sure, pal.” Bucky let out a sigh that would not be out of place post-coital. He wondered if they would mind if he poured the rest of the gravy right down his throat. That reminded him of his own ma, and his own manners. “S-Sarah, this is… This is…” He looked to Steve, who always seemed to have the words.

“He hasn’t eaten like this in a long time.” There was so much warmth mingled with so much sadness in Steve’s eyes that Bucky forced his own back to his plate.

His three-quarters eaten plate. Bucky pouted, missing his garlicky potatoes now that they were gone. Sarah came to his rescue, spooning a second helping of everything onto his plate, along with an extra pudding.

“It does my heart glad to know that you’ve found each other,” Sarah remarked, sincere. “Bucky love, you’re welcome here anytime.”

Then, something remarkable happened. Something else remarkable. It had been a heck of a day. Sarah reached over, stroked his forearm in that soothing maternal way.

His metal arm.

Bucky breathed through it, four-seven-eight, the way Sam taught him. Not because it made him uncomfortable. Because it meant everything. Once he felt steady enough, he set down his fork and slipped his flesh hand over hers.

“Thank you, Sarah.” He stared at their twined hands, struggling to push through the emotion. “For giving me so much. Thank you.”

She gave him a final squeeze, then reached up, pinched his cheek. The gesture gave him courage enough to meet her shining eyes.

“Darling boy.” She winked. Must be a Rogers thing. “Call me Ma.”

*

Halfway through Bucky’s third piece of peach pie—the juiciest, flakiest, most buttery and scrumptious dessert he’d ever eaten, second only to the Fiend’s fudgy brownies—Sarah rose from the table. She leaned over to give Steve a kiss on the cheek, then, to Bucky’s never-ending surprise and slight embarrassment, Sarah crossed around to give him one, and a squeeze on the shoulder besides.

“Night shift,” she explained, to Bucky’s stunned face, kindly pretending he wasn’t freaking out. About everything: her leaving early, being alone with Steve after their bout of parkour today, what the hell he was gonna do tomorrow without roast dinners and sumptuous baths and beyond excellent company. “Make sure this one does the dishes before you two young men get about whatever your evening portends. He tends to get distracted, you see, with his little projects.”

“I do not!” Steve protested. Weakly, it should be said.

“Much as I appreciate the flower mural inside the pantry door, my sunshine,” Sarah continued as if he had not spoken, “I appreciate not having to scrape out the roasting pan at seven in the morning much more.”

“I’ve never—” Steve crossed his arms over his chest, huffed. “That is a misrepresentation of my character.”

“I’ll let dear Bucky be the judge.” Her hand still hadn’t left his shoulder. Bucky considered following her around all night, just so she wouldn’t have to let go. “Will I be seeing you tomorrow morning, my darling, or is this goodbye for now?”

“Ma!” Steve turned the color of sour cherries.

Bucky forced himself not to find it so damn attractive, since he had a ton of practice at controlling his face.

“No matter.” After a final squeeze, she left them. “Hope to see you soon.”

Steve waited until they heard the click of the door to roll his eyes. “You mind moving to the kitchen? Might as well get started.”

Bucky stared forlornly down at his empty plate. The bitch of it was, he could eat all three helpings of dinner all over again and still not be full. But Steve had already had a front-row seat to his particular circus, so instead Bucky helped carry everything over to the kitchen island, then waited for further instruction.

Which turned out to be Steve dishing up another three pieces of pie and setting the plate on the counter in front of the stool at the far end of the island before patting the seat, inviting Bucky to partake. The last piece Steve stowed in a plastic container in the fridge.

“For Ma,” he needlessly explained. Sarah hadn’t managed a full piece at dinner, her appetite still not restored after her recent illness. “Coffee? Tea? Beer?”

“How about you pass me that roasting pan, and I can get to scrubbing?” Bucky suggested.

“How about you take a load off while I get this done,” Steve pointed emphatically to the stool, “and we can watch a movie or something.”

“Stevie, come on.” Bucky didn’t recognize the whine in his voice, but it was there all the same. Another specter of the past invading his present. “You gotta let me help some.”

“I don’t gotta do nothing of the sort.” Steve tempered his glare with a glint of mischief. “Now eat your pie and think about after. If you wanna do something for me, stick around awhile. Could use the company after the day we both had.”

Joke was on Steve, of course. The longer Bucky stayed, the more he didn’t want to leave. Instead of fretting over his inevitable departure—see, Sam, I can exhibit healthy behaviors or whatever—he concentrated on doing as he was asked. Also on savoring every single morsel of pie. Steve, for his part, attacked the dishes with typical resolve. Now that he had been called out on past delinquency, he would polish each and every one until they gleamed like new.

Which Sarah must have known when she made the challenge. Bucky wondered if it was always so easy to play Steve like a fiddle. Probably only his ma could so adeptly pluck his strings.

“You said your dad has history books?” Bucky contemplated how rude it would be if he licked his plate.

“Three full bookcases of ‘em, yeah.” Steve called over his shoulder as he stacked the dishes in the cupboard. Using a step-ladder—adorable. “You wanna do library time? I could stand to catch up on my sketching.”

“Library time?”

“Something my ma invented so she could get some peace and quiet when I was small.” Steve had the grace to chuckle at himself. “I would draw, and she would read, as if we were at the library. No talking allowed.”

For the gazillionth time that night, Bucky found himself dumbstruck by something the Rogers family took for granted. A bath before dinner. A roast on a Thursday. Lemonade in the yard on a hot afternoon. Now, library time. Everything about them was like a warm blanket. Bucky wanted to swaddle himself in their goodness forever.

“Let’s do that.”

“You got it, Buck.” Steve strode over to the pantry and opened the door wide, displaying the gorgeous flower mural he’d painted there. Bucky had no doubt Steve had sprinkled the same artistic magic in other hidden places all over the apartment. He stifled the sudden impulse to hunt down each and every one. “What are we thinking for snacks?”

An hour later, after careful perusal of every single spine on the three bookcases and a meticulous selection of the five most intriguing tomes, Bucky set them on the night table beside Steve’s bed and… well, stalled out. Because—Steve’s bed. Queen-sized bed. In Steve’s colorful, homey, welcoming room, with a mini art studio in the corner and a second mural on the wall behind the bed, this one of rolling green hills, a rocky beach, and an aquamarine sea that spread across the rest of the room. Steve fanned a whole heap of pillows along the headboard for them to lounge on, put on soft music and dimmed the lights, creating an atmosphere so foreign to Bucky’s current existence that he had to blink away tears every few minutes.

It had taken him an inordinate amount of time to catalogue and sort the history books for this reason. The Soldier did not have an emotional breakdown over kindness and choice. The Soldier never knew kindness, never had any choice to speak of. But Bucky Barnes did, now. He had a stack of books and a comfy spot and a friend curled up like an angry cat on the far side, nose-deep in his sketchbook. He had a delicious dinner in his belly and a bowl of snacks within reach.

He had a place. He had a purpose that didn’t involve death. He had shown himself to Steve—his true self, with all his complications—and Steve had shared his life with him.

It took everything in him not to sob like a child.

Instead, Bucky burrowed down into the pillows. Stretched his long legs out. Grabbed the first book, A Queer History of the United States, and skimmed the table of contents. Listened to the scritch, scritch, scritch of Steve’s charcoal stick as he brought some domestic scene to life. Or person—Bucky hadn’t peeked.

A half-hour later, he’d blazed through the first third of the book.

A half-hour after that, he was out like a light.

***

Steve wasn’t surprised, exactly, that he woke up to an empty bed. He tried and failed not to be disappointed as he rolled over, smushed his face into the mattress that had berthed Bucky. Though the sheets had been tucked with military corners and the pillows fluffed back to their normal puff so as to give the illusion of no one having slept there, Bucky’s scent lingered, leather and spice and smoke. His da’s rugby shirt lay folded atop the laundry hamper. Steve didn’t doubt he’d find all the doors locked, all the windows shut. Bucky left no trace.

The trill of his alarm reached him under the covers, where even the gauze of sunlight through the curtains feared to tread. Steve kicked the sheets all the way down, wrecking Bucky’s meticulous work, then wriggled over to shut off the alarm. Only when he lurched to his feet did he notice the line of glitter that bisected the center of the bed, having slid into the dip there sometime during the night. On impulse, Steve swept a bit of it into his hand, sprinkled it across the woven carpet in front of the bookcases.

Bucky dust, for good luck.

Maybe if I spread it in a circle, I can summon him back.

Since Steve did not have the day off due to an upsetting incident with a client, he set out on his usual five-mile run. The glitter followed him everywhere. He found some on the kitchen island stool when he went to fetch his water bottle. On the front walk—had Bucky lingered there for a while before slinking off into the night? A sparkly smear surrounded the tub drain when Steve went for his post-run shower.

Something about the traces spoke to his artist’s soul. An idea twinkled at the periphery of his creative eye, growing brighter and brighter—the glint off Bucky’s metal arm, the glare off a windshield—but not crystallizing just yet.  He made a mental note to experiment with unusual glitter patterns during his next studio session as he dressed for the day.

To his relief and delight, Steve discovered his ma scarfing down the last piece of pie for breakfast. He never thought he’d be so thrilled to be stuck with a bran muffin and a banana.

“Top of the morning to ya.” Steve dialed up the Irish cheese to make her smile. It worked. “How was your shift?”

“Pfft, a cakewalk.” She angled her cheek up so he could kiss it. “Was daydreaming of this all night. How did you manage to pry it from dear Bucky’s metal hand?”

Steve snorted. “I told him it was for you.”

“Charmer.” She clicked her tongue. “And where is your fair shadow this morning?”

“Gone.” Steve knew better than to hide his disappointment. “He conked out on my bed after ten minutes of reading. I managed to get the sheets over him when I turned in. He was still there when Mr. Gilchrist dropped another frigging barbell on the floor at one a.m. He must have slipped out before my alarm.”

His ma nodded, pensive. “Give him time.”

“Don’t got much choice about it,” Steve grumbled as he peeled his banana. Because he deserved something sweet, too, he hacked it into a bowl, poured oat milk over it, and doused it with brown sugar. Packed an extra helping as a snack for work, impulsively added one for Bucky. He would see him today, Steve decided, even though it was more wishful thinking at this point. “What did you, uh… think of him?”

Sarah almost choked on her mouthful of pie crust. “Let the record show that this is you asking.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Steve climbed onto the stool, careful not to displace the glitter. Mashed his butt in the hopes it might stick to him—a lucky charm. “Come on, put me out of my misery.”

Her sly features softened at that. “He’s lovely. As you well know. I don’t grant a lot of open invitations, as you also know, but even I am not immune to someone in such need.”

Steve eyed her over the edge of his bowl. “Must have grown up in some other halfway house, then. Who needs siblings when half the neighborhood’s bunked on our couch?”

She scoffed. “Need I remind you that it wasn’t my bedroom with the revolving door during your teen years, my darling.”

“You bring it up every ten seconds, so no.” Steve smirked in her direction—razzing each other was their love language. “And I meant professionally. Well, the other way too, but… you know. His situation.”

“Would do better if it could be spelled out for me,” his ma insisted. “Not to pry, but to help.”

“He’s military.”

“Yes, dear, that much is obvious.”

“Injured in the line of duty.” Steve stuffed a bit of muffin into his maw to stall for time. Decided the only way out was through. “He was a… a POW. Saying anything else feels like a betrayal.”

Sarah set her fork down, stared at the crumbs on her plate. He’d seen his ma react to bad news before, but never quite like this. That, above anything she said, spoke of how much she already cared for Bucky.

“That poor, darling boy.” She inhaled a deep breath, self-soothing. “That certainly puts things into perspective, my sunshine. Thank you for confiding in me.” She reached across the kitchen island, clasped Steve’s hand. “You’ve done well spoiling him as you have. Keep it up. As a matter of fact…” Catching a second wind, she abandoned her coffee in favor of puttering around the kitchen. “Let’s make him a care package.”

“Way ahead of you.” Steve pointed to the cooler in the fridge. “Packed up the rest of the roast and nicked a couple tubs of stew from the basement freezer. Gonna stop by the market on my way to the Fiend for bread, cheese, and fruit.”

“Of course you did.” She dropped a kiss into his hair as she bustled off to gather more things.

Steve smiled to himself. “How attached are you to Da’s old rugby shirt?”

“Oh, I think we can do better than that.” By the distance of her voice, she’d moved on to the bathroom. “I’m rather partial to his wedding suit and those corduroy trousers that hugged his ass so tightly.”

“Ma!”

“First thing I noticed about him, after his eyes.” His ma had never been shy about expressing the depth of her attraction to Steve’s father, which he’d always had mixed feelings about.

Namely, that it was sweet his parents had been so gone for each other, but he could go the rest of his life without hearing about it.

“Dear Bucky would look rather fetching in his Fair Isle sweaters.” He heard the distant rumbling of the washing machine as his ma scooted back into the kitchen. “Some of them hold memories I’m quite fond of, but… well, it soothes my heart to think of the two of you making some of your own.”

“Ma,” Steve sighed, sending a wish out into the universe even as he complained, “I don’t even know if it’s like that for him. He needs a friend more than anything.”

“He does,” she agreed, firm. “And he’s certainly… Our first priority needs to be helping him to take better care of himself. For all his muscles and hair and those stunning blue eyes… Well, my professional opinion—without having examined him, mind—is that he’s malnourished. Whether that’s psychological stress or food insecurity or just not being very far along in his recovery, I can’t say. But if you need somewhere to start with him, start there, my darling. Use your stubbornness for good.”

“Always do,” Steve grunted. But he met her mischievous grin with one of his own. “Anything else I should watch out for?”

His ma paused mid-care-packing to shoot him a shrewd look.

“No.” She grinned from ear to ear. “Love makes fools of us all, my dearest. But what they don’t tell you is, none of us who have loved long and well live with regret, even if things don’t turn out how we expected them to. Hold his heart with gentle hands, but give him everything you have. He’s a special one.”

She abandoned her work to circle around the island, hug him from behind.

“And so are you, my sunshine boy.”

*

Steve carried the warmth of her hug with him all the way to work, enough emotional fuel to see him through the lonesome journey. Physically, his muffin and bananas left something to be desired, especially after his five-mile run. People who’ve loved and lost may not live with regret, but Steve sure did, having to play pack mule to a backpack, a cooler, and a rolling suitcase, his good intentions transformed into multiple care packages for someone who might not even be there and had failed to show up for his usual protective escort.

That last one stung a bit. Bucky had only missed one day since they’d first crossed paths. Though intellectually Steve understood that last night might have thrown Bucky for a psychological loop—kindness can have strange effects on people in crisis, or so his ma always said—his absence still smarted.

Steve hadn’t done anything wrong, was the thing, and yet he was being punished. If anything, he was trying to do even more right by carting an entire capsule collection, half a Bed, Bath, and Beyond, and a significant portion of their freezer in to the Fiend. He couldn’t even go through with his plan to stop at the market—he couldn’t possibly balance one more bag, let along a parcel filled with fresh fruit and awkwardly sized bread. As he reached the first major traffic artery on his route, he debated whether to put the cooler down for a second, fearing that if he did and some Candy Crush-obsessed, phone-glare bedazzled bozo rammed into him, he’d get run over.

Sigh.

Once he’d unlocked his first rush hour-related achievement for the day—successfully crossing Halsey Street without being pancaked—Steve let his mind drift back to the previous night. How wonderful it had been to feel Bucky’s solid presence in the bed beside him while he sketched. To listen to his soft, raspy breaths as he drifted off to sleep. To sense that at any moment, he could be enveloped in Bucky’s muscular arms, the ultimate anchor as he sailed through his dreams.

But doubt invaded his fugue, as it was wont to do. Had something he’d done made Bucky uncomfortable? Is that why he’d slipped away? Steve didn’t tend to octopus in his sleep, but maybe his subconscious had decided to indulge his intense attraction to Bucky? Maybe he’d babbled something that spooked him? Maybe Steve stayed zonked out through one of Bucky’s nightmares, and he’d made a tactical retreat to a safe zone? If Steve hadn’t made Bucky feel safe, then no wonder…

The jab of someone’s suitcase jolted him back into the moment. And just in time, too—he was only steps from the Decatur intersection. When he saw the single-digit crossing-light countdown, Steve slowed. But the tight crowd around him had other ideas, forcing him into the street. He jogged across as fast as he could, hoping there was strength in numbers, but wasn’t surprised when the wind off a passing truck ruffled the back of his hair.

Steve cursed whatever action or impulse had led Bucky to flee—not just for selfish reasons, but because Bucky would never forgive himself if Steve got injured on his way to work. He may not be clued into all the mysteries surrounding the continued existence of one Bucky Barnes, Immortal Commando, but Steve knew that much was true.

It happened somewhere between Bainbridge and Chauncey. A school bus unloading brought sidewalk traffic to a begrudging halt, as everyone collectively watched the kids file into the schoolyard with the help of not one, but three fluorescent crossing guards. This only made Steve ache for his own self-appointed bodyguard even more, until a couple of the little dumplings stalled out in front of the gate. Like a pair of miniature E.T.’s, they pointed up at the sky—

No, not the sky. On impulse, Steve followed the trajectory to the roof of an adjacent building. Between the second he glanced up and the focus of his eyes, something flickered away, blink-and-you-missed-it fast. Or superhuman reflexes, one might say.

Steve’s heart—his stupid, stupid heart, still giving him no end of grief after three major surgeries and an alleged growth spurt (a growth-ish spurt?) that corrected most of his problems—kicked up. Every chance he got after that, he scanned the rooftops. Not dumb enough to take his eyes off the rush hour mob, he had to be strategic about it, checking at random intervals, at moments safe for him, but vulnerable for anyone who may or may not be shadowing his progress.

He caught several blurs of movement that he did not think were heat fumes off blacktop roofs. Heard a telltale clank as he rushed across Fulton. Spotted what could have been a head, could have been a giant fucking pigeon bobbing between the vents on the high school’s roof. Watched a shadow from above stretch across the asphalt as he waited on the far side of the overpass.

Pissed and fascinated in equal measure—and maybe, if he was being honest, a little bit touched—Steve picked up enough breadcrumbs along his path to move beyond suspicion that his security detail hadn’t quite abandoned him on the road to the Scarlet Witch’s house. But as annoyed as he was that Bucky allowed him to struggle along with the bags, a larger part of Steve worried that he had indeed hurt or offended Bucky in some way.

Why else would he keep his distance after everything they’d shared?

Give him time, his ma had counseled. Steve wasn’t sure whether that was genuine advice or one of her reverse-psychology deals to kick his instincts in the butt. Either way, Steve could be no one but himself about it—cranky, impossible, unyielding, and crafty as fuck.

If Bucky wanted to play keep-away with his presence, well, Steve would not let that bullshit stand. (Not in a creepy way.) He’d shove the intensity of their bond right back in his face, until Bucky realized exactly what was good for him. Exactly who cared about him. Exactly who he’d come running to in a moment of crisis.

That Steve could be a safe harbor amidst the shitstorm of his life thus far.

***

One night. One night, and Bucky was ruined forever.

Fiercer opponents had attempted to dismantle him, to degrade him, to dehumanize him, but he’d resisted. Powerful governments, global syndicates, spy associations, cabals of vainglorious, despotic white dudes had tortured him, maimed him, wiped him, and in time he’d broken free. Gotten his revenge. Utterly and irrevocably destroyed them.

Survived, the biggest middle finger of all. Pieced himself back together again—still a work-in-progress, but Bucky could see the beginnings of the puzzle image, could identify shapes and colors, motifs even.

Then Steve Rogers had come in like a wrecking ball of kindness and compassion, and Bucky no longer recognized himself in a whole new way.

In the wake of his evening with the Rogers family, everything about his clothes, his apartment, his life felt wrong. After sneaking out of Steve’s house, Bucky lay on his creaky mattress in his rattiest T-shirt and boxers for all of eight minutes before his skin began to scream. Yesterday, he’d been grateful for every single thing he owned, for this simple place he’d maintained for almost two years, the safest of safe houses. Now he only saw everything it lacked: a sturdy bed, a full fridge, a large tub, blankets, books, plants, snacks, art.

People, lovely people, who petted your head and kissed your cheek and gave you shit and snuggled into your side as if they trusted that your arm—the death-dealer connected to your fucking neural pathways, so caked in blood that no one would ever be able to get the gears completely clean—wouldn’t snap their long, delicate neck when said neural pathways were in the throes of a nightmare.

At 3:38 a.m., Bucky had roused to find Steve tucked under his arm. He’d permitted himself a full minute of reveling in the quietude of the moment—Steve’s tousled blond head on his chest, his slender body curled around Bucky’s side, the silken womb of the sheets that cradled them—before freaking the fuck out about it.

Abort! Abort! Abort! The Soldier’s menacing monotone demanded, and Bucky had been powerless to obey. Or at least it had felt that way as he’d disappeared from the house, hurdled across the roofs, collapsed through the door to his apartment.

But now. Now. All he could think of was how cold Steve must have been, without him. How upset—no, angry. Steve would be seething mad. He’d rant to his empty kitchen. In the shower. All the way to work. He’d never want to see Bucky again. Would never lay on the grass in the park with him. Wouldn’t send him brownie packages decorated in art. No more hugs, no more history books, no more bath bombs, no more pie, no more of Sarah’s crinkled smile, no more of Darcy’s sardonic eyerolls, no more of Steve’s…

No more Steve.

Bucky paced around his spare living space until the walls started to close in. His stomach wrenched—he raced to the bathroom, afraid last night’s scrumptious dinner might revisit him like Jacob Marley’s ghost.

On the way, he caught sight of himself in the mirror. He looked…

Better. Anxious and haunted, but better. His hair betrayed a glossy sheen he’d not seen since his pomade days. Ruddy and eye-ring-free, his skin glowed. Though stubble peppered his jaw, he appeared younger than even the day before, closer to a sergeant in his prime than a battle-scarred, brainwashed former assassin. A crescent of glitter twinkled at his temple, as if he’d been blessed by a star.

He went to work. Order, logic, routine—the only way to escape what he’d done. How thoroughly and brilliantly he’d torched everything good in his life to ash.

Except, he couldn’t help himself. Worry gnawed at his insides, worse than hunger pangs after months of starvation. What if Steve, distracted by the anger Bucky had inspired, missed some danger in his path? What if that uber-jerk Killian—or one of his ilk—roared out of the lot just when Steve crossed Atlantic Avenue?

What then?

Even when he was nothing but a ghost in a shell, Bucky’s first instinct was to protect. (Himself, back then, the last vestige of his humanity.) He let that guide him now, over the rooftops that lined Malcolm X Boulevard, waiting with sniper stealth for a sighting of Steve’s blond head.

Only later, safe in his garage at the shop, did Bucky permit himself to wonder why Steve carried so many bags that day. Why he hadn’t called Bucky’s bluff when he’d clearly spotted him. Why he hadn’t seemed as enraged as Bucky expected. No ranting to speak of—not even when that truck nearly side-swiped him. Instead, he’d stopped just before entering the MCUW building and gazed across at the auto-body shop, an enigmatic expression on his face.

Hours later, Bucky couldn’t get the image out of his mind. Or the smells and tastes of the roast dinner. The luxurious waters of the bath. The cozy climes of the couch. The rapturous comforts of holding someone in your arms while you slept…

Bucky hammered and hammered and hammered the customized back bumper back into its original shape, the best therapy he could find on short notice with Sam in D.C. Besides, he felt too raw to admit to Sam how badly he’d fucked up. Bucky didn’t want any condolences, or assurances, or coping strategies.

He wanted Steve.

What he got was a shrill goddamn buzzer and a low-level throb in the back of his skull.

“Hey, Barnes.” Luke’s mellow voice through the intercom lowered some of his hackles. “Lunch.”

Thor had come through as promised on the sound-proofing and solitude. The only way to get his attention was the intercom or waving some sort of white flag over the skylight. Yesterday, post-Killian, Bucky would have been grateful for it. Today, post-life lesson, he wondered if it was just another straightjacket he’d volunteered to be strapped into.

Then his insides rumbled, and Bucky remembered nothing good was ever decided on an empty stomach. He stowed the hammer, yanked on his hoodie. Decided in favor of his glove, against sunglasses. He formulated a half-baked plan to somehow get a temperature read on Steve’s state out of Darcy as he ambled out into the lot.

Except today, a certain slender blond with a chip on his shoulder the size of Park Slope accompanied the lunch cart.

And Bucky, overstressed and strung out after going cold turkey on Steve Rogers’s care, saw red.

“What the fuck is this?” Bucky murder-strut out into the light, man on a mission, no matter how harshly the glare seared his retinas. “You got a death wish or something, Stevie, pushing that thing through noon-hour traffic?”

The assembled bros whistled in surprise at Bucky coming in so hot, a macho chorus he could have done without. Steve, for his part, had the gall to smile at him.

“Heya, Buck.” And, oh, he was in for it. Steve only deployed that killer grin of his in two scenarios: when he was gearing up for a lecture or when he was plotting revolution. Bucky was about to get his Bastille stormed but good. “Nice of you to join us.”

“I…” His robot brain, confronted with several things that did not compute, not to mention blaring a red alert, did its usual short-circuit routine. “It’s lunch.”

“Nothing gets past you, huh, Barnes,” Logan quipped, as he picked up his bento box and protein shake. “You better not be saying Steve here can’t do something because he’s short, or I’ll kneecap you where you stand.”

“Don’t think it’s a comment on Steve so much as indictment of Brooklyn drivers,” Luke sagely opined.

“Animals,” Volt glanced up from polishing his monster truck to second. “I should know, being one of them.”

“More like human scum, then,” Drax volunteered, which earned him a punch to the arm.

“Friend Barnes is merely concerned for Friend Rogers’s safety,” Thor chimed in. “And with good reason, given his past injuries.”

“That right, Buck?” Steve’s grin turned sharklike. “Something about the situation twig your mother hen instinct?”

“No,” he blurted, his discombobulated brain this close to fight or flight.

Logan snorted. “I don’t know. Sure looked like you were grinding his gears to me.”

“Or want to,” Volt sniggered.

Drax made a crude gesture, not that anyone needed a demonstration.

“For fuck’s…” Bucky shook his head. Only made it worse. “It’s not…”

“Talk about internal combustion,” Luke muttered to the others, who continued to watch Bucky melt down like the huge fucking assholes they were.

“Please,” he signed as a last resort, when panic cinched the words in his throat.

“Please, what?” Steve said aloud, not giving Bucky an inch. “Please don’t cross the street anymore? I gotta say, Buck, that kinda cramps my style.”

“Forgive me,” Bucky begged with his hands, mouth full of acid mush. “Please forgive me. I fucked up. I don’t know how to make it right.”

Steve’s flinty resolve evaporated in an instant. “Aww, hey, Buck, don’t—”

He closed the distance between them, pushed into his arms. Bucky almost missed the next part, so fully did he give himself to the unexpected hug—once again his sanctuary in a storm of confusion. The shop bros, embarrassed by any display of emotion, grabbed their lunches and retreated to the picnic table out back.

“Sorry I gave you a hard time,” Steve murmured into his chest. “I just wanted to make sure you were all right, after...”

Breathing in the sun-washed hay smell of his hair gave Bucky the courage to say, “I’m not.”

Steve squeezed him even tighter. Bucky almost sobbed.

“You wanna go to the park or hang out here?” Steve attempted to ease away, but Bucky nudged him back in as gently as he could. He wasn’t ready to let go.

“Here.” Bucky still made no move to unfurl. “Too many eyes in the park.”

“That’s good.” Steve’s chuckle reverberated against Bucky’s pec. “‘Cause I’m done hauling all this stuff around.”

Too distracted by the Steve-ness of Steve, it took him awhile to connect the dots. “Stuff?”

“Mmm-hmm.” Steve craned his head back to gaze up at him, eyes glittering with such determination that Bucky should probably be shaking in his boots. Except he was too busy admiring their particular shade of iridescent blue. “Care packages.”

“Packages,” he repeated, brain still mostly offline. “Multiple?”

“The Sarah Rogers Special, you might say.”

“The—” Bucky almost jolted back with shock. “Your ma?”

Steve nodded. “She’s decided to adopt you without actually adopting you. It’s her way.” He took advantage of Bucky’s loosened hold to slip out of it, return to the cart. “Let’s get this inside before the bros come back for seconds.”

A mission, even one as small as this, gave Bucky something to concentrate on long enough to recalibrate. His reboot cycle hadn’t quite completed by the time he steered the cart around the dismantled hotrod that was his latest project to the work table at the back, but at least he’d begun to process the last ten minutes. Steve had already made himself at home, stealing a root beer from the mini-fridge and dragging a stool up to the opposite end of the table. He made a beeline for the cart as soon as the garage door shut behind Bucky, sliding open the middle and bottom compartments to reveal a whole trove of extra bags, which he proceeded to pile beside Bucky’s stool.

He jutted his chin at the cooler he placed on top. “That’s got stew, soup, and the rest of the roast. Gave Ma the last of the pie, but grabbed some peaches, plums, and pears from the fruit shop.”

Nope, Bucky still wasn’t back online. “You…”

“This one’s bath stuff.” Steve pointed to an overstuffed gym bag. “More bombs, but also shampoo, conditioner, body wash, two sizes of towel, loofah—”

“What the fuck’s a loofah?”

“That’s for you to find out.” Steve winked over his shoulder, then moved on to the third bag. “Da’s shirt fit you better than expected, so Ma thought you’d like some sweaters and… sweats, maybe? Couldn’t really hear her over the washing machine. Didn’t want to, honestly. Makes me smile how in love they were, but that doesn’t mean I need to hear about what a great ass he had.”

“He…” Bucky shook his head. Didn’t work any better the second time. “Stevie, this is too much.”

“No.” There was so much steel in his voice it reverberated a little bit. “It’s not.” He grabbed three bento boxes off the top of the cart, shoved them at Bucky. “Eat your lunch. Your stomach’s starting to sound like a group of throat singers.”

Bucky barely scraped his jaw off the floor. “Which one’s for you?”

“This one.” Steve dropped a fourth bento box onto the work table, popped the top off his root beer, made himself at home. “Your usual’s in the cup holder under the handle.”

Bucky spied a whole batch of fudgy brownies there too, boxed up with Steve’s artistic flair. Dizzy with relief, overwhelmed with gratitude, done in by the Rogers’s kindness, he shuffled over to his stool but couldn’t bring himself to sit. He didn’t deser—

Barnes, he heard Sam from hundreds of miles away and didn’t finish his thought. Instead, Bucky perched on the stool, opened the first bento box… and proceeded to devour every last scrap of food inside it as if he’d been on a hunger strike.

Which, he learned after demolishing the other two, half the box of brownies, the rest of Steve’s lunch, two pears, and three plums, maybe he had.

“Thought maybe we could go to the market together after work.” He couldn’t tell if this was Steve’s version of stealth or the implications of the suggestion were meant to be obvious. “Get you stocked up.” Or maybe Bucky was the one who could be read like a book, because he hastened to add, “It’s open air. Not too crowded in the evening. I can show you my favorite stalls. The good vendors who won’t give you any hassle.”

Bucky snorted. “Not like this nosy barista I know.”

“Ma’s worried you ain’t been eating enough for your size.” He admired Steve’s bluntness even when it pummeled him. “Tell me to go to hell if you want, Buck, but you need fuel for strength like you got.”    

The worst of it was, Bucky couldn’t deny it. He still hadn’t gotten the hang of whether his stomach twisted in upset or spasmed with hunger.

“What else?” He wouldn’t bow his head in shame. He would not. Bucky had always taken his licks with his head held high, no matter how flayed raw.

“What else what?”

“What else do I gotta do to be a person?”

“You are a person!” Steve’s voice vibrated with so much outrage it bounced off the walls. “Buck, you’re the sweetest goddamn person I ever met. You been watching my back for weeks now. Keeping me company, keeping me sane, keeping me from biting all those trust-fund babies’ heads off like a fucking praying mantis!”

Bucky may have chuckled at that mental image, but he still felt like warmed-over shit.

“You brought yourself back from the brink of I don’t even know what into…” Steve switched to a whisper, lest anyone overhear. “Into this new century. And don’t get me wrong, you’re surviving, you’re thriving, you’re doing incredible taking care of yourself. But, Buck…” Steve’s hand strayed close but didn’t connect, as if still unsure of whether the affection would be welcome. Bucky grabbed his hand, twining their fingers tight—a lifeline. “Don’t you wanna live?”

Bucky gaped at him. Blinked away the sting of tears. Steve couldn’t know, would never really understand the tenor of the chord those words struck in him.

Except maybe he did, because he let Bucky pull him off his stool, into his arms for another intense, essential hug.

“That’s all I want,” Bucky confessed into the silken strands of Steve’s hair.

You’re all I want, he didn’t add, in case the darkness heard and swallowed him whole.

“Then let me help.” He melted all over again when Steve rubbed circles into his back. “Let’s do it together. Whatever you need. Consider me your… I don’t know, your warmup act. Your sounding board. Your emotional support buddy. Your wingman.”

Bucky snickered. “Already got one of those.”

“Oh.” Steve sounded so disappointed that Bucky squeezed him that much harder. “We’ll workshop it.”

“No, I mean my therapist is ex-pararescue,” Bucky reassured him. “It’s a whatchamacallit. Inside joke.”

“Oh!” Steve chuckled at himself. “That sounds…” Steve stilled in his arms, drew back till he could look him in the eye. “Wait—your therapist is The Falcon?!”

“Wilson, yeah.” Bucky rolled his eyes. “Pain in my ass, more like.” Steve glared at him, expectant, so Bucky elaborated, “He was the only one in my corner when I came in from the cold. Kept me out of the fight; saved me from being used worse than my captors ever...” He shuddered at the memory. “Sam put up a one-man shield against the government, spy agencies, evildoers. I wouldn’t be here without him.”

Steve smirked. “Then he’s invited for dinner tomorrow night too. Sure Ma’d love to meet him.”

“Too busy saving the rest of the world,” Bucky scoffed. “Dinner, huh?”

“She’s making the lasagna she learned from our ex-neighbor, Mrs. Ortensi.” Every word out of Steve’s mouth was pure temptation. “Meatballs, braciole, garlic bread, Caesar salad, the works.”

Bucky surreptitiously slurped back the saliva pooling in his mouth. “W-What time?”

Steve shrugged. “Come over whenever. I gotta catch up on some school projects, but I don’t mind company. We could do library time in the afternoon, family movie night after dinner? Ma says you’re welcome to take another bath. If it’s hot enough, we walk to the Brown Butter Creamery around midnight for a cone, sit in the park for a while.” He worked his jaw, then added, “You could stay over for real this time.”

“I—” The ‘yes’ was off his tongue before the last syllable dropped from Steve’s lips, but Bucky bit it back. Speaking of Sam—he’d taught him impulsiveness was his enemy, especially in potentially uncomfortable situations. He took the time to think it through before confirming, “I’d like that.”

“Good.” Steve’s eyes glittered with approval, and something more besides.

Something that gave Bucky’s much-abused heart the energy to do a little flip. Maybe there was something to this fully belly stuff after all.

“I gotta get back,” Steve declared, then made exactly zero moves to leave.

“I’ll walk you.”

“I got the cart.” He nodded toward the empty silver chariot as if it couldn’t be crushed five different ways under some jackass’s chassis. “I’m good.”

“Yeah, Stevie, ‘cause I got your six.”

Inspired, Bucky hoisted him up, threw him over his shoulder as he strode the five paces to the cart, then deposited a blue-streak-cursing Steve on top. Rolled out before Steve could find a way to scramble off.

“What in the ever-loving fuck!” Steve demanded once his fury had calmed enough to form words.

Bucky wheeled him across the lot, serene. “Teach you to risk life and limb to bring me three helpings of tofu scramble and a lackluster bean salad.”

“I did not—” A precipitous skip over a pothole forced Steve to white-knuckle the sides. “I’m—"

“Your own worst enemy? Agreed on that, Stevie.”

“You fucking—”

“I feel like Sarah’d back me up.” Now that Bucky had the upper hand, he suddenly found entire dictionaries of words stored in the recesses of his fractured mind. “Since I’m her favorite now and all.”

Steve let out a wild, frustrated howl, right there in the middle of the sidewalk. It being Brooklyn, no one batted an eye at a tiny blond man frothing at the mouth on top of a delivery cart. After huffing out three long, blustery breaths, Steve clamped his legs over the sides so he could cross his arms over his chest, express his displeasure to Bucky in every possible way, including a death glare.

Bucky suspected this was what fun felt like. He’d wait till Steve was in a better mood to confirm.

“You’re lucky you’re my favorite,” Steve grumbled as Bucky wove them through the traffic.

Even the blast of honking horns couldn’t spoil Bucky’s mood after that.

End of Chapter 4

Chapter Text

Chapter 5 – Found Family

“Whoever invented August should be shot,” Darcy declared, as she flopped down beside Steve on the new bench on the employee terrace, a gift from a certain metal-armed brownie-lover, who’d replaced both of the chairs as well.

A pink ombre twilight blessed Brooklyn with a hazy kiss. Despite the sun being low enough to singe the edges of the silhouetted buildings that surrounded them, the heat and humidity lingered, the air the consistency of an extra hot café au lait. After a day shilling their special summer menu—the onslaught of influencers and reality show starfuckers had not abated one bit—Darcy and Steve both swam in their uniforms. Steve’s head felt so slick it was as if he’d recently been slobbered on by an extra-drooly St. Bernard, to say nothing of the swamp of his armpits.

Though she’d tied her hair up in a curly pompom, every visible patch of Darcy’s skin glistened with perspiration, the back of her T-shirt drenched through. Which made it double annoying when she slumped against him, an audible squelch when their arms touched.

“I second that emotion.” Agreement didn’t stop Steve from shoving her off. “And don’t touch me when you’re gross.”

“You’re gross.”

“Exactly.” Steve didn’t have the energy to shudder. “Call the fire department. I need to be hosed down. I’m this close to being hazardous waste.”

Her mutual exhaustion couldn’t quell Darcy’s smirk. “Bet they have hoses across the street.”

Steve sighed, his dirty mind easily following her train of thought, “Maybe if we beg real hard, they’ll use them on each other. But only after we cool off.”

“Wet T-shirt contest would be the perfect way to salvage the day.”

He shook his head. “Impromptu swimsuit competition.”

“But, whoops, no one brought their swimsuit.” What he adored about Darcy was she always picked up the baton and threw it even higher in the air. “Or we could go whole hog and do a full Mr. Shop Bro pageant.”

“Where everyone’s talent portion is a striptease,” Steve sighed, lost to his bawdy daydreams, “and everyone’s a winner. Even the judges.”

“Especially the judges.” Darcy leaned their heads together to complete the mind-meld, but ended up poking him in the temple with her bun. Steve didn’t have it in him to complain about it. “Speaking of hogs, you any closer to touching Bucky’s yet?”

Steve let out a winding groan. “It’s complicated.”

“Really not if he’s sleeping in your bed every second night.”

Not an exaggeration. When Sarah Rogers put out the full court comfort press for someone, they usually responded in kind. His ma and Bucky had not only developed a mutual admiration society, but also one of mutual aid. After Steve showed Bucky the market, Bucky made a point of bringing a full haul of groceries every time he was invited to dinner, which at this point was four times a week. He borrowed cars from the shop to drive Sarah to appointments after learning she struggled with subway stairs and escorted her to and from work when she was on nights. No matter how many times they reassured Bucky that he could just come over to relax whenever, he assigned himself little chores around the house to compensate them for their hospitality, fixing the broken mixer, retiling the bathroom, buffing the living room floor, installing a whole-ass armoire in his ma’s closet to make better use of the space.

He also embraced the idea of sleepovers as the natural progression of his friendship with Steve. At first, Bucky bunked in the guest bedroom/crafting space under a pile of wool blankets the princess with the pea would envy. But he continued to make a habit of conking out during library time—minus the Houdini act the next morning—so more often than not, he ended up in Steve’s bed.

Thus, cuddling up with Bucky became something of an addiction, to the point where Steve now had trouble sleeping without him. By the general cloud of grumpiness that shroud Bucky on mornings after he’d stayed alone at his apartment, Steve suspected he felt the same.

More than in each other’s pockets, they’d become an essential part of each other’s lives. So essential that Steve began to fear what might happen if their relationship progressed past the platonic and it went bad.

A lot of pressure, being someone’s safe space.

“Emphasis on sleep.” Steve did a quick inventory of his emotional reserves, found them depleted—including the one that helped him endure the non-stop tragic figure that was Bucky fucking Barnes.

Another thing about being in deep: the more details he learned about what Bucky had been through, the more Steve wanted to enlist just so he could blow all those corrupt motherfuckers up. Except Bucky had already been there, set the charges, watched the base full of Nazi blowhards burn to a crisp. His sealed testimony had also imploded several governments and earned him his freedom.

Steve had become his oasis from all that. Didn’t make it any easier to hear about, on the rare occasion Bucky felt strong enough to share. Didn’t make it any easier to purge when Steve’d had his fill. He couldn’t afford a therapist, and even if he had that kind of money, he couldn’t share anything Bucky had told him.

But he did have a love guru in Darcy. She may not be down as one on the Maximoff payroll, but she should be. 

“How do I make a move on someone who’s the equivalent of a puppy dumped in a box on the side of the highway?” Steve mused. “He needs mega TLC, not my tongue down his throat.”

“Maybe he needs both.” Darcy shrugged. “They don’t call it sexual healing for nothing.”

“I don’t even know if he’s queer, Darce.”

“Steve.” That got him an epic eyeroll. “I once caught him smothering his face in one of your aprons. He’s queer.”

“I’m his only friend.”

“Demonstrably untrue.” She waved a lazy hand in the direction of the auto-body shop. “They may have the collective IQ of a bottle of spray-tan lotion, but I’m pretty sure the bros would do anything for him.”

Steve took full advantage of the opportunity to turn the tables on her. “That how you bagged Luke? ‘Baby, you’re dumb, but you sure are pretty.’”

“Exception that proves the rule.” Darcy lifted herself off him, swiped the bottom of her shirt across her brow, then sank back down. “But, yeah, he knows where we stand, because I do that communication thang.”

“Not sure if you noticed, but Buck’s not exactly great with words.”

“He gets his message across loud and clear,” she insisted. “Doesn’t take a psychic to see he thinks you hung the moon.”

Steve wished he could fight her on that, but the day had drained him of all his stubborn. And even he knew that he wouldn’t get any good advice if he didn’t give her a real answer.

“He’s clawed his way back from…” Steve blew out a blustery breath. He didn’t even like to think about it. “Horrors, Darce. Literal horrors. I’m the reason he sleeps through the night. How can I shove my dick in his face when it might risk all that?”

“Okay, first, think you should start with some kissing, maybe some hand stuff…”

“You know what I mean.”

“What I know is the way he looks at you when you got your back turned.” Darcy straightened in her seat so she could pin him with her glare. “The fucking simmer in the air when you two are together. Yeah, you have this whole Zen vibe thing, laying in the grass, cuddling on the couch, whatever the heck library time is, but… maybe that’s Bucky taking what he can get. Maybe his trauma-rauma brain doesn’t know how to ask for more.”

Steve opened his mouth to protest—his impulse always to battle it out—but then her words sunk in. As exhausted as he was, he attempted to logic it out in real time.

And that led nowhere good.

“If that’s true,” Steve murmured, as if to say it would be to give it life, “then how can he consent?”

Darcy rolled her whole head back as well as her eyes. “I swear to fuck, the two of you deserve each other!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means, drama llama, that Bucky—for reasons unknown—chooses to spend all this time with you, so he can damn well choose whether to suck your cock or not.”

“But—”

“I’m not saying stick your hand down his boxers while he’s asleep, Steve,” she continued with extra huffiness. “I’m saying ask him on a date. You’re serious about him, right? This isn’t just a physical thing?”

Steve glowered in her direction. “It’s not-not a physical thing.”

“Stop it with that.” Darcy called him on his bullshit right away. “You want my help or not?”

“Yeah,” Steve conceded. “We just… Like you said, we mean a lot to each other. I don’t want to lose him or hurt him or—”

“You gotta quit it with this martyr complex, Steve.” To his surprise, she grabbed his hand to anchor him to the present, to the moment. He should know—he’d done it to Bucky countless times. “You’re not taking something away from him by admitting to your feelings. You’re giving him the chance at something really special.”

Steve stared down at their jointed hands, then up at her expectant, annoyed, empathetic face. “Wanda and Pietro should give you that office space.”

“I keep telling ‘em!” Darcy collapsed back down against him, but didn’t let go of his hand. “I figure they’re scared all their other woo-woo, snake oil, wellness schtick won’t stack up to the genuine article.”

He nodded. “They’re cynical bastards.”

“Can’t blame them, what they been through,” Darcy pointed out. “Almost like they might need someone to show them there’s a world beyond their suffering—”

“Yeah, yeah, I got it.” He rested his chin on her head. “I’ll get to it. Later, though. I don’t want to move.”

“Me neither.”

“Think Buck and Luke will carry us home?”

“Probably.” Darcy gave a cursory glance around. “D’you bring out your phone?”

“No.”

“Goddamn it.” 

Steve snorted. “Bucky doesn’t even have a phone.”

“The fuck?” That got her attention, but not enough for her to raise her head again. “How does he, like, survive and shit?” She clamped her mouth shut, having answered her own question. But leave it to Darcy to put a tawdry spin on things. “Well, that sure puts a crimp in your sexting schedule, huh? Hard to ‘U up?’ someone by semaphore.”

“Not when he basically lives at my house.”

“There’s that.” He could hear the smirk in Darcy’s voice when she asked, “Your mom figure out a way for him to move in yet?”

Steve snickered. Darcy knew both of them too well. “She’s gaslighting the gamer bro who lives in the basement. He was never a great fit for the building, but now he’s actively preventing her from adopting her foster son, so it’s on.”

“What do you mean, gaslighting?” Darcy giggled into his shoulder. “She’s not piping actual gas into his apartment, is she? Isn’t that against the Hippocratic oath?”

“One, she’s a nurse,” Steve explained between bouts of laughter. They were so fucking tired. “Two, she just wants the best for everyone. It’s just that she’s decided the best for old Chad is the new condo complex on Patchen and Lex, so she’s making things pretty miserable for him right now. Or maybe not. He hasn’t complained to the super yet.”

“His name is not Chad.”

“It’s not, but he looks like a Chad.”

“And how do you wage war on a hermit like Chad, if you’re so inclined?”

“Move the garbage cans under his bedroom window.” Steve smiled just thinking about it. “Blare twee Irish folk tunes at ass o’clock in the morning. Steal his takeout delivery. Snap the chain on his bicycle. Three times.”

“She did not!”

“She tried to get Bucky to crush the guy’s satellite dish—without telling him about her maniacal plans, of course—but I put a stop to it before it went too far.”

“Steve, I hate to break it to you, but that ship sailed so far out, it fell off the horizon.”

“Oh. Oh!” He grabbed her arm with both hands, his adrenaline spiking just a tad at the memory. “Last Thursday, one of his Tinder hookups rang the wrong bell. By the time Ma was through with her, she’d called an Uber back to Red Hook.”

“Steve, Steve, Steeeve. This is gold.” Darcy practically had her head in his lap, she was laughing so hard. “Someone needs to write a fucking limited series about this. I hope Bucky appreciates how much effort your ma’s putting into adopting him.”

“He’s definitely reaping the benefits of being her current chosen one.”

“Now you just gotta let him know that he’s yours,” Darcy sagely concluded. “Then poor Chad can keep his apartment.”

“Nah,” Steve chuckled to himself. “Chad’s been voted out of the brownstone. There’s no going back.”

They might have melted into a puddle sweat and glee if Luke hadn’t picked that moment to stalk out the body shop office door and across the lot. He paused on the cusp of the sidewalk after spying the two of them on high.

“Babe!” he bellowed, which got Darcy’s attention, but not enough for her to stand or anything. “Got a situation. Tell Rogers to get down here, stat.”

“But he’s my pillow!” Darcy whined, even as Steve’s Spidey senses started tingling. Not that those came with an energy boost or anything. “My moist gay pillow.”

Luke was nothing if not a softie. “Aww, baby, send him down. I’ll come take care of you.”

“But who’s gonna take care of Steve?” she asked somewhat rhetorically, as Luke already jaywalked across to the MCU-Dubs building. They both kind of zoned out until suddenly he peered over them from behind, the Leaning Tower of Man-Muscle. “Put a fork in us. We’re done.”

“I can see that.” His laugh was deep and warm, and under different circumstances, Steve would have happily curled up in it. Until he said, “Barnes is kind of having a moment. We need someone to talk him down.”

“Shit.” That gave Steve the supercharge he needed. “I’ll get my stuff.”

***

Triggers. They sucked fluorescent blue vervet monkey balls.

With practice and patience, Bucky could avoid some of them. Had conquered a few, even, just by virtue of his recovery. The words meant nothing to him now. He’d snapped the necks of anyone who’d ever handled him, including Secretary of State Alexander Pierce. But his subconscious was still a field dotted with landmines, and no matter how much therapy Bucky did, every once in a while…

He thought she was a clump of dust at first. A balled-up rag. A scrap of seat cushion stuck under the spare parts cabinet. He’d been rough when he dug her out, the way he’d be with any other inanimate object.

Then, she mewled.

The faintest sound, one he might not have heard if he wasn’t enhanced. She’d lain so limp in his hand that he’d assumed the sound came from somewhere else. He might have been the second—or third, or tenth, or umpteenth—person to throw her away, except his super-vision spotted the matted shell of her ear.

Bucky turned her over in his hand, almost dropped her when he saw her crusted eyes, gunk-smeared nose, grimy fur. Despite all that, his heart went out to her, an innocent kitten who’d strayed from her siblings and gotten trapped in the wrong place. Tucking her into one of the pockets of his tool belt, he’d searched the block for her mother, for any sign of who she belonged to, but she must have traveled far or been abandoned close by.

There was no telling how long she’d been alone.

Bucky stopped at the bodega for supplies before returning to his lair: water, milk, canned tuna fish, a plastic comb, some wet wipes. Weak from starvation, she didn’t even try to claw him when he pried the crust from her eyes, cleaned her nose, mouth, ears, and paws. He poured a bit of water into a spoon, but she only lapped half of it up. He tried the milk, but she cowered away from it. She only managed a tiny bit of tuna fish. As if with the last of her strength, she crawled over to his metal hand, rubbed her head against it, then curled into a ball.

He knew that kind of defeat, that kind of surrender in the marrow of his bones. She was content because she’d found a quiet, kind place to die.

No, he begged the same universe that had woken him from his programming after seventy years. No, no, no, no, no, he screamed internally until his finger found a faint but constant heartbeat.

Or maybe it was out loud, because soon his fellow bros threatened to batter the door down if he didn’t let them in.

But by then Bucky was lost in time.

It was 1947, and he’d used his new metal arm to bust the lock on his cell door. He lurked in the shadows above, waiting to strike when they finally broke through. He’d send ten of them to their graves that day.

It was 1978, and he cut through an alley to intercept the one Bratva member who evaded his blades, not expecting to stumble into a cat brothel in St. Petersburg in November. He scrambled up the side of the building to avoid stepping on any of them.

It was 1933, and a woman in a periwinkle blue robe and a head full of curlers shouted for him to, “Get those mangy strays out of my house!”

It was 1987, and a portly house cat licked him into consciousness after a surprise electrocution from the vent into his war criminal owner’s panic room. The cat curled into a ball on his chest for warmth, just like the kitten did now. It hadn’t kept Bucky from completing his mission.

“Buck.” The low tones of a familiar—cherished—voice attempted to lure him back to the present.

Bucky gave the house cat a tentative pet, a mirror of his actions over twenty-five years before.

“I ain’t gonna lie to you, pal, it’s been a day and a half over at the Fiend,” the voice urged. “I brought you some brownies. You wanna go lie in the grass and share ‘em with me?”

Teensy little claws scraped his thumb. Bucky glanced down to find a pair of eerie blue eyes blinking up at him from the bundle in his arms. The kitten let out a small hiss, bit his finger.

Tears stung the back of his eyes, fierce as a swarm of angry wasps.

The voice persisted. “This a good time to ‘fess that I crossed the street by myself?”

“What?!” Bucky croaked. He vaulted to his feet, sped over to the door—careful not to disturb his bundle—and wrenched it open. “What the hell happened?”

“Funny.” Steve blew out a long breath of relief at the sight of him. “Was gonna ask you the same thing. The bros have been trying to get an answer out of you for over an hour.”

“I—” Shit. Stupid broken brain. Bucky swallowed down his rage at himself for… Take you pick: losing time, not getting the kitten immediate help, scaring Steve half to death. “They bothered you at work?”

“Not exactly the headline news here.” Steve, who never missed a trick, spotted the bundle right away. And because he really was the sweetest guy under all that righteous bluster, he melted. “Who’s that you got there?”

“She was under the cabinet.” Bucky tipped the bundle forward so Steve could see inside, but refused to let her go. “I…” He cleared his throat. “I don’t know how long…”

Steve nodded, sprung into action. It was one of his most attractive qualities, and something that spoke to Bucky on a cellular level, Steve’s take charge, can-do attitude in the face of any and all adversity. You need something done? Steve Rogers will figure out a way to do it, no compromises.

“Let’s get her to the vet.” Both whip-smart and intuitive, Steve gave Bucky his marching orders without making them seem like the commands they were. “Luke’s helping Darcy close, but I still need to grab my stuff. Make the little one some kind of comfy carrier and be ready to exfil in fifteen. You okay to go it alone for a bit, or do you want me to stick around for support?”

“Go,” Bucky rasped, overcome all over again by the Steve-ness of Steve. How had he survived before he had a Steve Rogers in his life? He couldn’t fathom, and never wanted to be put in that position again. “Hug first?”

“As if you had to ask.” Steve clamped himself to Bucky’s side so as to avoid the precious bundle. Just the smell of him encouraged Bucky to breathe easier, his earthy, hay and sunflower scent mellowing the senses. He didn’t even mind the damp of Steve’s clammy T-shirt against his flesh arm. “Start thinking about a name.”

Bucky gaped down at him. “What do you mean?”

“Local place is a kill shelter.” He gave Bucky an extra squeeze as he delivered that unwelcome news. “You just adopted a cat, pal.”

“B-But…” Bucky stammered as Steve broke away, gave his arm a final pat, then sauntered off toward the MCUW building, flanked by his protective escort: Logan and Drax. “You and Sarah…”

“Lease says no pets,” Steve shouted over his shoulder, a secret smile playing on his lips. “Besides, you’re half in love with it already.”

As he caught sight of those eerie blue eyes again, Bucky couldn’t find it in himself to disagree.

*

The vet is not a hospital. The vet is not a hospital. The vet is not a hospital.

Bucky white-knuckled the edge of the counter as they watched the vet techs do their thing: bathing away the fleas and other pestilence, administering a dose of de-worming serum, deep-cleaning her ears and paws, treating her with the care a little princess deserved. The vet had done an initial evaluation to assure she didn’t need any emergency procedures and would do a more thorough exam after she’d been washed and groomed. If all went well, she might even be able to go home with Bucky that night.

Inside, he warred between the fierce need to protect her and the sheer terror of being responsible for another life.

Thank goodness for Steve. And Steve’s phone. And Steve’s keen strategic mind, keener than some five star generals Bucky had served under.

“Whole Pet Market is a bit of a trek.” Steve kept briefing him on the details of his research as a means of distraction. It was weirdly hot. “But it’s open late, and it seems to have the best selection. Osos is closer, but seems more dog-centric. We could just get some basics from them and hit Whole Pet tomorrow. How’s that name coming along?”

Bucky gulped. “Slow.” He hated to admit he was letting down the side, but it took everything in him not to bolt, especially when they started to prep the x-ray machine.

“Though if we do Whole Pet, we can stop at Holy Cow, get some burgers.”

“Can’t do burgers.”

“Buck, you gotta keep up your strength.” Steve elbowed him in the side. He gripped the counter’s edge so tight it let out a warning crack. “You’re eating for two now.”

“Think she’s more the milkshake type.”

“Oooh, Milkshake is cute!” Off Bucky’s sour expression, Steve demurred. “We’ll workshop it.”

“She better not bring any toms to our yard,” Bucky grumbled. “Not running a shelter here.”

That earned him the sunshine smile, and suddenly he could breathe again. He eased off on the counter, canted his body toward Steve beside him. How Steve could talk and text at the same time, Bucky couldn’t fathom.

“I’ll need to swing by the brownstone for a change of clothes.” Steve sniffed his armpits, grimaced. “Maybe a shower. I know tomorrow’s Saturday and all, but the last thing you need is me stinking up your apartment. Besides, Ma wants to meet her.” With the ease of someone born this century, Steve flipped to his notes app. “Think I should pack a sleeping bag? You’re okay with me staying over, right? I figured you could use the help, but if I’m overstepping…”

Panic cinched his throat. Red alert blared in his overheated brain. Bucky hadn’t thought this through, he hadn’t thought any of this through, and now not only was he stuck bringing the most adorable and tragic little creature back to live in his hovel of an apartment, but he had to expose Steve to the place. An impossible choice opened up like a chasm before him. On one side, going it alone. On the other, Steve spending the night on Bucky’s brick of a mattress, with only a scrap of a blanket for cover.

“C-Can we…” Bucky didn’t exactly have to strain himself in his attempt to look extra pathetic. “Just one night. She’s tiny. She won’t make a peep.”

Steve, being Steve, immediately clocked his entire strategy. “Buck, she can’t stay with us. We’re already on thin ice with the super.”

Bucky played dirty pool. He signed, “Please.”

Shrewd as fuck, per usual, Steve responded, “I’m gonna have to see your place sometime.”

Over my dead body, Bucky thought. And almost wished for it, given the circumstances.

When he failed to reply, Steve heaved out a sigh. “Listen, I found a no-kill shelter over in Kensington. I texted, and they have overnight staff. I know you don’t do the subway… I could take her after this. I don’t mind.” He scrutinized Bucky’s face for the answer he hadn’t given yet. “They’ll find her a good home. A real family.”

Bucky stared and stared and stared, into Steve’s flinty blue eyes, into his solemn face, and inward, to his own soul. He knew two things to be true: Steve and Sarah had welcomed him in—the stray of all strays—opened their home and their hearts, generous beyond their means, beyond measure. If Bucky had learned anything from them, it was to take every opportunity to pay that forward. He also knew he would not survive Steve witnessing the remnants of the Bucky before all that care and kindness, the stark, spare, prison-like space he inhabited to survive, devoid of furniture, haunted by nightmares, littered with booby traps and weapons caches. A curious little kitten definitely could not exist in such a place, especially during the day while Bucky was at work.

The real trouble was, after seventy years of being coerced into unspeakable acts, of being absent from himself, Bucky did not have a manipulative bone left in his body. Past Bucky probably could have charmed Steve into letting them stay over for the night, as a means to a permanent bending of the rules. It didn’t take the wiles of a sex cult leader to realize that as soon as he dangled the kitten in front of Sarah Rogers, she’d take on the Bed-Stuy rental board single-handed if need be. Heck, she’d been terrorizing the dumb kid in the basement—yes, he knew about that—for weeks just so Bucky could move close. For the sweetest fluffball in Brooklyn? She’d probably be willing to slit a few throats.   

But this Bucky, lesser Bucky, wouldn’t go down that road. He also couldn’t bring either Steve or the kitten to his place. A night’s reprieve would only be that—a torturous delay of the inevitable.

Steve, who always saw all the angles, who by now could read Bucky like a book, understood all this, offered him an out. One he might even be able to live with, if he worked on it in therapy with Sam for, oh, seventy or so more years.

To sum up: rock, hard place, other hard place.

Bucky maybe wanted to scream.

Then, one of the techs cleared her throat. Bucky turned to find her holding the teensiest, fluffiest, sweetest little snowdrop in the whole wide world. His shriveled husk of a heart did the same flip-spasm thing it did on the day he first met Steve. Her ice-blue eyes glared over at him, to most the picture of innocence.

But Bucky saw the truth in those frosty depths, the “Get me the fuck out of this torture chamber or else” of it all. It resonated with him on a primal level. She was, in every way, a kindred spirit.

“Alpine,” Bucky sighed as if reunited with an old friend. “Just a little bit longer, sweet pea, then we can take you home.”

*

Three hours, five burgers, two milkshakes, an entire tub of spicy sweet potato fries, some grilled veggies, and a brownie sundae later, Bucky cradled his new fuzzy baby in his hand as he bottle-fed her some enriched something-or-other. The vet techs had walked him through all aspects of her care (with Steve taking copious phone notes) and equipped him with a starter kit and a list of things to buy, along with a follow-up appointment in a week. They’d hit the closer pet shop and the burger joint, with plans to do a more thorough shop tomorrow. There may or may not have been a lengthy debate on the subject of cat trees versus cat patios.

Speaking of plans, Operation No Return was well on track, if Bucky did say so himself. He was currently tucked up on the Rogers’s ultra-plush couch, fresh from the bath, glitter-bombed, with his feet in Steve’s lap. Having enjoyed a long shower himself, Steve massaged Bucky’s feet as he complained about the unfair judging in some reality competition that engrossed him. Perched like a queen in her favorite basket chair, Sarah chewed the end of her pencil as she puzzled through the day’s crossword, occasionally interrupting to ask for synonyms. She kept a weather eye on Bucky and Alpine, like any mother would, having already cooed herself silly over the kitten.

The Soldier came through in the end. He didn’t have Bucky’s moral or ethical qualms, but he did have his protective instincts. Sam often tried to convince him that the Soldier was an extension of himself, not his nemesis. This was the first time Bucky could believe it. The Soldier had embraced the mission, connived their way into staying “one night” at Steve’s, and put some things in motion while Steve was in the shower and Sarah was distracted by the kitten which should bear fruit any minute now.

Namely, a letter of complaint about Basement Chad from a neighbor who prefers to remain anonymous, with receipts. Because the Soldier wasn’t a total monster, he also arranged for a sudden inheritance from a long-lost relative of Chad’s and made a fake appointment for him with a realtor from those condos on Lex, insisting that the realtor had to pick him up from his current apartment within the hour. The final step was an email from the Soldier to the brownstone’s super with video evidence of said super—who oversaw a whole block of buildings—denying the rental applications of several families of color for bullshit reasons. He’d attached a three hundred-page archive of all the gross racist nonsense the super spewed online, capped off by threats to report his behavior to the rental board, the borough, and the ACLU. The Soldier concluded by impressing upon him the urgency of reversing the building’s no-pets policy. (He had, of course, already forwarded all that evidence to the chair of the rental board.)

Really, Bucky should have left it to him all along, but he hadn’t understood till now that he could trust the Soldier. Maybe part of the lesson of Steve and Sarah’s love was that he could trust himself, too.

He couldn’t wait to drop that one on Sam mid-session, a grenade in the shape of a confession.

“But that makes no goddamn sense!” Steve howled at the TV. “Look at these assholes, trying to edit their way into convincing us that a career Italian chef made a worse risotto than some hipster from Portland with more tattoos than brain cells.”

“You have tattoos, my darling,” Sarah reminded him without looking up from her crossword.

“Yeah, but mine are cool.”

“You also didn’t taste the food.”

“No, but I looked at it.” Steve never missed an opportunity to dig in his heels. “With my eyes. There’s no way something black with fluorescent green sauce was better than a gooey, cheesy risotto with black truffles.”

Done with her bottle, Alpine let out a wee kitten burp, which distracted them all—even Steve from his rant. Now glutted with milk, she crawled around until she found the coziest spot on Bucky’s legs, kneaded it with her paws for a couple of minutes, then curled into a ball for a long snooze. The adults sat transfixed by all of this, Steve even reaching over to pet her slender back. Bucky forgave him for abandoning his foot massage just this one time.

“Turn off the telly, Steven, my love,” Sarah instructed sotto voce. “You’ll wake the baby.” Alpine must be working her magic on him, since he complied. “You’re all set up in the bedroom with the cat basket and water bowls and blankets, Bucky dear?”

“All set.” Bucky was the worst of them. He couldn’t take his eyes off her, enchanted by her every little squeak and meow. “Thanks again for—”

“It’s no trouble.” Sarah and Steve had had words while he was in the bath. Bucky hadn’t even been trying to eavesdrop. “You’ll stay the week, till the vet gives her the all clear.”

“Ma—” Steve protested. Weakly, it should be said.

“Be nice to have a wee one around the house again.” Sarah’s tone brooked no argument. “Perhaps by then—”

Suddenly, her phone played the Darth Vader theme from Star Wars. Bucky forced his face into Soldierly blankness as she read what seemed to be a series of texts. Steve scowled at the phone as she typed out a reply, tense as if preparing for a blow.

“Don’t tell me he knows about the cat already,” he grumbled.

“It does appear that way.” The mirth in Sarah’s voice was unmistakable. “He’s sent a revised lease with a more inclusive pet policy—felines only, so don’t get any ideas of a dog, Steven.”

“Damn it,” Steve hissed under his breath. “Also, what?” He shot a disbelieving glance in Bucky’s direction, but didn’t seem to suspect any… interference.

Of course, Steve didn’t know about the Soldier. (Yet?)

“Ah! The even better news is that we have prevailed!” Bucky would remember the elated expression on Sarah’s face for a long, long time. “Basement Chad will be moving out at the end of the month, and do we know anyone trustworthy who would be a good fit for the building?”

“Do we ever.” Steve beamed at his ma. But when he turned back to Bucky, his gaze sharpened, one eyebrow raised in a perfect, inquisitive arch, not fooled for a second. “Whaddya say, Buck? Think you and Alpine could stand to have us two shlubs as neighbors?”

“And here I was just getting used to the potheads downstairs.” Bucky managed a smirk of his own—he loved it when a plan came together. “But, yeah. If… If you don’t mind me being so close?”

Steve suddenly took a renewed fascination with Bucky’s feet. “I could never mind that.”

“It’s settled then,” Sarah concluded, already typing up a storm. “I’ll give him a week before I launch Stage Two.”

It was Bucky’s turn to raise his eyebrows. “Stage Two?”

She pointed at the closet by the front door with her pinkie. “Convincing him to open the stairs back up.”

“Oh.” In a further bid to shock Sam Wilson stupid when he learned how many strides Bucky had made toward his recovery, he added, “I could do that. If the shop bros lend a hand, we could get it done in a weekend.”

Steve appeared to warm to the idea, to Bucky’s surprise. “I can bring leftovers home from the Fiend. You could pay them in pastries, pizza, and cold brew.”

“Wonderful!” Sarah abandoned her crossword—and her favorite chair—to push in between Steve and Bucky on the couch. “I daresay that might not be the only renovation the place needs, so take your time setting it up just the way you like it, Bucky love. I’m sure Steven will contribute one of his masterpieces, if you ask nicely.”

“Even if you don’t.” Steve shrugged, a beguiling blush tinting his cheeks. “I’m easy.”

Bucky really, really, really wanted to volley that well-timed bit of flirtation back, but he had no idea how, especially with Sarah playing Wall of Jericho. Instead, he shifted so she had easier access to Alpine.

“Thanks.” He decided to go the sincere route. “Both of you. I don’t…” He swallowed hard, pushed through. “Just thanks.”

“It’s no trouble at all.” Instead of reaching for Alpine, Sarah petted his heavy head. “Not for you, dear boy.”

End of Chapter 5

Chapter Text

Chapter 6 – Beef Cake

Steve swooned. Not for the expected reasons, aka Bucky doing something pants-tentingly hot. The stuffy basement was so redolent with paint fumes that they made his head spin. He needed some air, stat. Steve dropped his paint roller into the tray, clopped out into the sunlit yard. Breathed as deep as anyone could of the humid early-September-in-Brooklyn air. Looked up, waaaay up, into the sweltering blue sky…

…where he spotted a man falling to Earth.

Let’s back up a step, shall we?

Labor Day weekend. Something of a misnomer, in that no labor was generally performed on that weekend. Except in the Rogers household, where a certain auto-mechanic was making it official: not a marriage license or adoption papers, but a lease. The previous Thursday, aka the actual September 1^st, Steve and Sarah and Bucky had celebrated the turning over of the keys with breakfast for dinner, blood orange mimosas, and a sardine for Alpine.

That Saturday and Sunday, the renovations on the basement apartment began in earnest. The shop bros came and went, leaving a polished new staircase and other sundry renovations in their wake. They’d knocked down one of the kitchen walls, giving the place a more open-plan feel, and hauled in the California King-sized bed frame Thor donated to Bucky’s cause. Drax, who’d apprenticed as a plumber, and Luke, who created tile mosaics in his spare time, remodeled the bathroom, replacing the shower with an extra-large bathtub and redoing the tiles in a less draconian color.

Today, Monday, Bucky and Steve dedicated to the rest of the apartment—in better shape than they’d expected, but still needing a few special touches to make it Bucky’s home. Sarah, now minus one closet (but plus an antique coat rack courtesy of Bucky,) busied herself upstairs with rehousing their jackets and boots, packing the rest up for goodwill, and cooing at her kitten helper. Bucky had disappeared into one of the back rooms to soundproof the walls a couple hours earlier. Given that he’d arrived with about seven giant metal boxes of gear and not much else, Steve decided it was better not to ask questions.

Instead, he’d been put in charge of brightening up the place. Since Bucky admitted he didn’t really give a shit about stuff like colors, Steve took it upon himself to change his mind by creating a warm, inviting atmosphere throughout his home. He’d gone with jewel tones to match the metallic arm—a juicy plum in the bedroom, a deep raspberry in the entranceway, a vibrant teal in the living area, and Monaco blue with gold accents in the kitchen, including the backsplash, to offset the white appliances. Given that their next assignment would be furnishing the place, Steve had every confidence that he could nudge Bucky toward pieces that complemented the color scheme.

Oh, who was he kidding? Bucky was gonna let him pick out everything. Steve loved interior design and unilateral control, and so was happier than a pig in shit.

Also, stinky as one. Yet another reason he deserved some air. Breaking out into the backyard, he lurched over to the picnic table and collapsed across the top of it. His swimmy gaze waded over to his ma, who’d graduated to puttering around her balcony garden. Alpine perched on her shoulder, swatting at the tiny purple butterflies who flew past. Her first grandchild, Steve thought, because it was a weekend for wild, aspirational goals, for dreams coming true. He waved at her when she spotted him, then lost himself in the peerless blue of the sky.

Until a winged man literally swooped down from above, Icarus if he had some decent tech.

Steve hopped off the picnic table, stood ramrod straight. He should salute. Should he salute? It wasn’t every day a superhero landed in your backyard.

All of a sudden, the wings tucked into a jetpack, which somehow disappeared altogether. The man lifted his goggles onto his head, shed a glove to offer Steve his hand.

“Sam Wilson.” He almost crushed the bones in Steve’s hand with the force of his enthusiasm. The wide, dimpled grin was the cherry on top. “You must be the famous Steve.”

“Pretty sure you’re the famous one around here.” Steve wondered how many paint smears decorated his person, not to mention whatever the fuck was happening with his hair. “Good to meet you, Sam.”

Before Steve could so much as offer him a cold beverage, his ma interrupted. With all the commotion, he’d almost forgotten she was even there.

“Steven, my darling, my sunshine.” He doubted anyone missed the steel under her sweetness. “Would you mind cluing me into what in the five boroughs Captain America is doing in our yard?”

“Feel like the Cap can speak for himself.” Steve offered him the floor with a wave of his hand. “Wet your whistle?”

“If it’s no trouble, thanks.” Sam moved in direct view of the balcony to speak to his ma, because he was classy like that. “Forgive the imposition, ma’am. I was in the neighborhood and thought I’d check in on Barnes, see the new place.”

Steve had barely got the chance to frown when Bucky burst out of the basement door.

“Wilson!” He threw his arms open in a ‘What gives’ gesture, the most Brooklyn Steve had ever seen him. “Really?”

“Surprise.” Sam smiled so wide, Steve had to shield from the glare off his teeth. “I’m spending the weekend with the family. Thought I’d exercise a little quid pro quo.”

Bucky huffed out several breaths, deeply non-plussed, if Steve could read his expression. And he could, after all this time.

“All right. Okay. All right. I get it.” Bucky glanced over at Steve for some support.

Steve raised an eyebrow at him. “Making that two lemonades?”

“And making ourselves scarce, I imagine.” His ma pressed a hand over her mouth to suppress a giggle. “Welcome, Captain, to our humble abode. Will you be staying for dinner?”

“Afraid I’m spoken for, ma’am.” The Sam Wilson charm offensive was having its desired effect on his ma, who blushed a faint scarlet. “Taking my nephews to a charity Knicks game.”

“Ah, well, another time, then, once dear Bucky is more settled.” She twinkled at all of them in that knowing way of hers. Steve braced himself for the interrogation he was about to get inside. “You’re welcome anytime.”

“Mighty kind of you, ma’am.”

“That’ll be Sarah to you, as well,” she insisted. “We don’t stand on formality here. Unless you’d prefer I call you ‘Captain’?” She gave the last word enough sauce that Steve and Bucky cringed.

“Anyone who opens their home to the likes of Barnes here can call me anything they please,” Sam flirted back

His ma batted her eyelashes, tickled. “Oh, I do like you.” Steve and Bucky shuddered. “Bucky love, take the baby.” He dutifully positioned himself beneath the balcony so Sarah could drop Alpine into his arms. “Steven, kitchen.”

He and Bucky swapped commiserating looks when they crossed paths. Though Steve admitted to being curious about the dynamic between Bucky and Sam Wilson, he knew better than to deny Bucky his space, especially now that he’d be living below them. His ma had already given him that lecture.

Steve wondered if he was in for another as he made a beeline for the fridge, pouring half the water pitcher straight down his throat. Once rehydrated, he fished around for the lemons and limes Bucky’d bought at the market earlier that week. Ever since he started coming for dinner, Bucky kept the fridge and both freezers fully stocked, to the point where Steve needed some kind of organizational chart to track down his favorite snacks. Before he could locate them, a washcloth hovered in front of his face.

“Thanks, Ma.” Steve wasted no time in removing a layer of sweat from his arms, chest, and face while Sarah combed his hair into a semblance of decency. After, she bussed his forehead to reassure him she was not, as expected, cross.

But something was going on behind her shimmery gray eyes. His ma remained suspiciously quiet as Steve sliced and squeezed the lemons, preparing two platters of watermelon, cherries, and grapes—Bucky had recently become obsessed with fruit—then adding soft cheese, cold cuts, crackers, nuts. She set the smaller of the two on the island, the larger on a tray. Steve didn’t dare so much as flick his gaze in her direction until she descended the step-ladder, having fetched the “nice” glasses from the top shelf.

By the time she leaned a hip against the edge of the counter near him and bore a hole in his temple with the ferocity of her stare, she looked fit to be tied.

“I know you—quite rightly—won’t break dear Bucky’s confidence, my dearest.” His ma fooled zero persons with that beseeching tone. “But will you answer my questions as honestly as you can?”

Steve strained the last of the juice into the pitcher, considered. His loyalty to both Bucky and to his ma was absolute, but what happened when those twin impulses were in conflict? Bucky deserved the time and the patience to tell his story whenever he was ready. Steve had no doubt he would confide in Sarah in time. But his ma had opened their home, not to mention her heart, to Bucky, and she didn’t deserve to be left in the dark regarding special guest appearances by noted superheroes.

Especially if those superheroes made a habit of dropping by unannounced.

Steve nodded. “Shoot.”

“Bucky is enhanced, yes?”

“Yes.” Not too much of a betrayal, given he had a metal arm. But still, he added, “More than just the obvious,” hoping the rest explained itself.

Not so much.

Sarah enunciated the next question carefully, as if formulating it as she went. “His ordeal is… related to these enhancements?”

“It was, yeah.” Steve shut his eyes, shook his head, as if to rip out the thoughts before they could take root. “He can barely speak about it.”

“Well, I certainly won’t be the one to force him.” She winced at her own choice of words, soldiered on. “Is he in danger?”

“No,” Steve instantly replied, hoping he wasn’t writing a check he couldn’t cash. “That’s over now. He’s out.”

His ma scoffed. “No one in that line of work is ever completely out.”

Steve scowled. “If it’s bad enough that they need to call him in, wouldn’t you want him in the fight?” As she chewed on that, he added, “No one has a crystal ball.”

“Oh, I’m well aware.” Sarah crossed her arms over her chest, the gesture seeming more of a self-hug than one of frustration. “My darling, my sunshine, please, please tell me that I’ve got it wrong. That his father taught military history or his mother was a wee Howlie girl, like you were back in the day, and that’s why he’s named—”

“I can’t.” And of course she remembered. Of course. She’d read him that book hundreds of times, in hospital rooms, on the subway, on sleepless nights. Not to mention Kid Steve hadn’t been able to shut up about Captain America and the Howling Commandos for five entire years of his life. “I can’t do that. I don’t lie to you, Ma.”

He glanced her way then, to watch the same expression of horror mingled with awe dawn on her face, a refraction of his own the day Bucky had confessed to him. It muted for a time, while she internalized the truth, inferred some of the details of what must have occurred, and buried her own curiosity. Steve couldn’t have filled her in on much; Bucky still wasn’t in a place where he could speak about what he’d lived through. Everything he’d suffered, everything he’d survived.

“More sugar, dear,” she urged him, before going back to fussing over the tray. “Those two deserve all the sweetness in the world.”

*

“And who is this little princess?” Sam appeared altogether too pleased with himself as he sauntered over.

Bucky broke out his best murder stare, but that did nothing to dissuade him. Alpine stopped wriggling around—her way of begging for attention—long enough to poke her head up, peer over at the stranger. When Wilson reached a hand out to pet her, she hissed.

Kindred motherfucking spirits.

“Well, she’s definitely your cat,” Sam chuckled despite being rejected. Then, a moment’s pause. “Is she your cat?”

“Yeah,” Bucky conceded, embracing his inner grump. He’d been outplayed by Wilson. He was definitely getting too soft. “Long story.”

“I got time.” Sam gestured over to the picnic table.

“Yeah, well, I don’t.” Bucky knew he had no choice but to entertain Sam, but that didn’t mean he was gonna make it easy on him. “I got a whole deluxe surveillance system to install without Steve ‘Dog With a Bone’ Rogers finding out.”

That brought out the grin that Bucky always wanted to punch off his face.

“He does have that big dachshund energy.” Once again, Sam looked all too pleased with himself. It was a problem.

“Try telling him that, see where it gets you.”

“Tell the truth, I’m more interested in how far you’ve gotten.” Sam strolled over to the picnic table, made himself at home before Bucky could further object. “Not gonna lie, didn’t think you’d move in before making a move. But you do you, Barnes.”

“I…” Bucky surrendered to the inevitable. He let Alpine grapple up to her favorite perch—his shoulder—then joined Sam at the table. “I’m in too deep.”

Sam Wilson’s superpower, the thing about him that couldn’t be bottled or extracted or exploited, wasn’t his compassion or his no-bullshit clause—it was his ability to get the goods out of you through no fault of your own. He just had the kind of face people trusted with their darkest, scariest secrets after knowing him for zero-point-seven seconds.

It was a problem.

“Explain,” Sam urged, in that gentle but firm yet undeniable way of his. The bastard.

“I can’t lose this.” Bucky waved his flesh hand at all the freaking splendor. “Not this, too. I don’t know how we got here so fast, but Steve and Sarah, they’re just, they’re the greatest, they’re all I got in this world, and—”

Steve made so much ruckus opening the back door, you’d have been forgiven for thinking a herd of goats attempted to burst through. Bucky clapped his mouth shut and forced a smirk as Steve trotted down to the yard while balancing an enormous tray. Bucky kept his old-timey instincts in a chokehold until Steve deposited the tray in front of them. He’d learned the hard way that Steve did not appreciate that kind of help.

Wilson, like the caveman he was, wolf-whistled. “Look at that spread! You know I gotta fly back home after this, right?” He wasted no time in grabbing a whole sprig of grapes for himself.

Steve shrugged as he poured out the lemonade. “Nothing wrong with the subway.”

“See, that makes me think you’ve never been on the subway.” Sam winked. Charm offensive didn’t seem to work on Steve, though, who furrowed his brows skeptically.

As if Bucky needed another reason to want to kiss him senseless.

“Guess I’m spoiled these days.” The corner of Steve’s lips quirked in Bucky’s direction. “Got a personal escort and everything.”

“Is that right?” Sam brown eyes did that sparkle thing that Bucky hated with the fire of a thousand suns. “Fancy.”

“Only thing around here that is, in case you didn’t notice.”

“Seems pretty cozy to me.” And there was the punchable grin again. “You didn’t bring yourself a glass.”

“Nah, I gotta put another coat on the accent wall.” Steve ambled over to Bucky’s side to scritch Alpine behind the ears. He couldn’t have known the gesture would be akin to a middle finger to Sam, but Bucky did, and that was everything. “Wanna get everything set up before work tomorrow.”

To his credit, Wilson didn’t let it register on his face. “Well, please thank your mom for the hospitality. I hope to see you again sometime.”

“Count on it.” Steve gave Bucky’s arm a squeeze when he finished with Alpine, then ambled off to the basement.

Bucky barely resisted the urge to watch him go.

“Cute but prickly.” Sam shook his head, still too fucking pleased with himself. “You got a type, Barnes.”

“How could you possibly know that?” Bucky grunted.

“You and Romanoff have a whole zappy-like-a-taser thing going on.”

“That’s me trying to keep from strangling her.”

“Whatever, man.” Sam tossed a grape into his mouth. “It’s weirdly sexual is all I’m saying.” Bucky grimaced. Wilson had the nerve to giggle. “Steve’s not gonna turn you down.”

Bucky’s hackles raised till they were porcupine quills, ready to shoot off any second. “You don’t know that.”

“Except I do.” Really, it was a wonder the man didn’t have two permanent black eyes, with a grin that annoying. “If I’d reached in your direction just now, he probably would have bit my hand. Guy like that doesn’t give an inch, and yet there he was, from the start, arms wide open for you.”

“He’s just kind, is all.”

“He’s more than kind.” Sam cut the pits out of two cherries, dropped the flesh in his lemonade, like a heathen. “He’s painting your goddamn basement on a day that’s got the rats roasting on the sidewalk like shrimp on the barbie. He sees you—not your mess or your trauma. You, Barnes. What the hell are you waiting for?”

Bucky scrubbed his face with his hands, mostly as an excuse to hide. “It’s not that simple.”

“It shouldn’t be simple,” Sam retorted. “Not something this important. Let that man know how you feel before it’s too late.”

That got his attention. “Too late? What the fuck does that mean?”

Sam scoffed. “He’s not gonna pine after you forever. Handsome, slim, snarly guy like that… in some neighborhoods, good as catnip. You can only cool your heels in the friend zone for so long before you’re stuck there permanently.”

Bucky couldn’t deal with the rest of it, so he focused on the only part that didn’t make him want to scream. “You think he’s handsome?”

Wilson laughed in his face. “Whoo, you got it bad.” He took a long sip of his strange crimson lemonade. “Bucky, for real. And this is your friend talking, not your therapist: Let yourself have this. You been doing great at keeping things steady, at working your recovery steps, at forging new relationships and finding a place for yourself in the world. But there’s got to be more than just the grind, you know? Add a few extra squirts of hot sauce on that burger. Some extra whip on those pancakes. Indulge yourself a little. Life isn’t just hard knocks and bad headaches. It can be delicious too.”

He swallowed back a surge of… he didn’t even know what. Fear. Fury. Anguish. Hope. He thought about the first time he’d watched Steve make his drink at the Fiend. How astonished he’d been at all the syrup and cocoa powder and cream Steve poured into something that tasted like a warm blanket. He’d taken in Steve’s nimble fingers, his decadent lips, his golden hair, his delicate lashes, his flinty eyes, his pert, exceptional ass, and thought… I’d like a tall glass of you. And that was before he learned what an incredible person Steve was.

“Okay.” Bucky nodded, as if to convince himself. “Okay. I’ll talk to him.”

“Do that.” He maybe didn’t wanna smack Sam’s grin off his face this time. “And soon. Remember, catnip.”

“Meow, meow.”

“Exactly.”

Bucky felt brave enough to meet Sam’s eyes. Regretted it—that goddamn sparkle. He was beyond grateful when Alpine decided she needed to be the main character of the situation, slinking down Bucky’s arm so she could full-body rub against his metal fingers, her favorite scratching post. Sam inched a hand toward her. She flicked her tail at him—a tease—then let out another warning hiss. Humbled, he retreated back to his side of the table.

“Okay, little miss, I get it,” Sam chuckled. “Took me a while to win your dad’s trust too. I can be patient.”

Bucky scoffed. “I think you mean pain in the ass.”

“Not denying it.” Sam grabbed a cracker, loaded it up with enough cheese to feed all the mice in Flatbush. “Heard from Shuri lately?”

That caught Bucky off guard. “I’m sure the Princess of Wakanda has better things to do than be pen pals with me.”

“No doubt, but she wrote me about you all the same.”

“She what?” Bucky scowled. “She knows I’d always come if she called. I only owe them my life.”

“Probably why she sent a messenger for you to shoot instead of her.” Sam pointed at himself, as if Bucky had been confused somehow.

And maybe he was, a little. “What?” He could feel the furrows deepening on his brow. “Spit it out, Wilson. What’s this about?”

Sam shoved the cheesy monstrosity in his mouth, chewed thoroughly, then swallowed. Took a long gulp of lemonade—didn’t take an ex-assassin to see he was stalling.

“All right, just gonna put it out there.” Was it his imagination, or did Wilson seem to cower from an expected blow? “She made you an arm.”

“She…” A blitzkrieg of emotions erupted in Bucky’s head. He ignored it. “I have an arm.”

“You do.” Sam nodded, patient. “This one’s lighter. More sensitive. More agile. More durable. Wakandan tech, you know how it goes. If you agree to a replacement—”

“If I agree to what?”

“They could do some reconstruction on your shoulder, strengthen the connection to your brain.”

“You want me to have brain s-surgery to—” His panic rose, quick and fierce.

“Hey, hey, breathe.” Sam slowed his inhales, encouraged Bucky to match his rhythm. “It would mean less weight. Less problems long-term. Less pain, Barnes. And don’t try to tell me the current model is in good shape. I’ve seen you after a fight.”

“It works just fine.”

“As a cat-grooming tool, maybe.”

Alpine, oblivious to his distress, continued to mash her head into his palm. Bucky stroked the downy fur on her belly as he measured his breaths, grounding himself. Wilson waited him out, but even someone with scrambled brains could see he had more to say.

“You know how I feel about medical stuff,” Bucky finally bit out.

“I do.” Sam tempered him with his tone. “I also know you trust Shuri and her team. They’ve helped you before.”

Thanks for the extra ammo, pal. “They’ve done too much for me.”

“No such thing.” Now he sounded almost tender. Yet another reason Bucky wanted to puke. “You don’t need me to tell you how far you’ve come. The proof is literally in the palm of your metal hand. All around you—this place. I can see how being with them has helped you find yourself again. You look healthy. You look strong.”

“Careful, Wilson, I’m spoken for.”

“About that.” He saw Sam going in for the kill, but he couldn’t block him, somehow. Maybe he was going soft. “Bring him along.”

Bucky stilled. “Is that… on the table?”

“I don’t see why not.” Sam had the grace not to smirk, but Bucky could tell he thought he’d won. “They made you a whole designer arm, gratis. I don’t think they’re gonna object to a guest or two. And you know Shuri’s gonna squeal her head off when you tell her.”

He rolled his eyes. Wilson wasn’t wrong. “Stevie and T’Challa would get along like firecrackers. Probably start a revolution or something.”

“There you go.” Sam kicked his foot under the table. “Doesn’t have to be tomorrow. We can schedule it out, do the work to get you there. But tell you the truth, man, I don’t think you’re that far off. You found yourself some people, a good job, a new home, a pet. You got every reason to do this for yourself. And think about it this way… less pain means you’ll be more available to them. A better partner. A better friend.”

Bucky blew out a sharp breath, shook his head. “Sounds a little pie in the sky, frankly.”

“Oh, it ain’t gonna be easy,” Sam reminded him. “But, you know, that increased sensitivity might come in handy in certain intimate situations—”

“Ugh, shut up.” Bucky downed a bit of lemonade to wash the gross aftertaste from Wilson’s comment out of his mouth. “I’ll think about it.”

“Good man.”

“And I’ll call Shuri either way.”

Sam’s eyes bugged out. “Wow. Momma Rogers already raising you right.”

“She…” Bucky had too much going on to get into his feelings for Sarah. He didn’t remember much of his real ma, and, well… “Thanks for stopping by, Sam.”

“Anytime.” One of Wilson’s more winning qualities was that he knew when to quit while he was ahead. “Now you gonna give me the ten-cent tour, or will that disturb the master at his work?”

“I don’t know,” Bucky drawled, “you done having your way with the cheese plate?”

“Oh, that’s how it is, huh?”

“That’s how it is.”

“Just for that.” Sam grinned that punchable grin, and Bucky felt his knuckles tingle. “I’m taking the last of the brie.”

***

When, mid-September, Steve felt the first cool breath of autumn on the air, he’d never been more grateful for anything in his life. He stood on the corner of East 23^rd and 3rd Avenue, in direct sunlight no less, and actually wished he’d worn longer sleeves. He almost skipped into the School of Visual Arts, which no longer smelled like a toxic haze of turpentine, charcoal, and flop sweat, though the waxy scent of drawing pencils lingered.

Steve let inspiration butterflies tickle him from the inside as he made his way to his Wednesday morning class. For the first time in forever, he found himself wondering what the next few months would portend, in an anticipation kind of way.

Sweaters and scarves and his favorite spices, for sure. Extended trips to the farmer’s market so that Bucky could sample all the new fall products. He’d no longer leave work feeling like a sentient puddle of goo—always a bonus. He and Darcy had already started concocting a whole new special seasonal menu, so gaggles of desperado influencers would continue to treat the Fiend like some kind of Goop-style Woodstock. But success meant more budget, more budget meant more staff, more staff meant more respite for them as managers and Steve being able to devote—gasp—a full day per week to school. And his ma would, fingers crossed, celebrate two years cancer-free.

But what Steve really craved were more Bucky cuddles.

It started innocently enough. With his ma back to nights that month, after-work activities like binge-watching all seven seasons of Gilmore Girls (Bucky firmly believed Rory belonged with Jess; Steve thought her and Logan deserved each other) and Alpine play hour and library time shifted to the Rogers living room couch, which, while enormous, was not quite as spacious as Steve’s bed, especially when two grown men and a cat lazed across it. Thus, leaning turned to slouching, slouching turned to snuggling, snuggling turned to full-on cuddling before long.

Sometimes Bucky would use Steve’s thigh as a pillow. Sometimes he’d drape one of his massive arms around him until Steve was half-cradled against his chest. Sometimes, on Bucky’s quiet days, they’d lay horizontally, Steve on top so Bucky could card the fingers of his flesh arm through his hair. These moments tested Steve’s resolve to not be a creep about Bucky’s proximity, and he’d had to do a lot of counting back from a thousand in his head, but worth it, worth it, worth it. Sometimes, with his cheek pressed hot between Bucky’s ample pecs, he could hear Bucky’s ferocious heartbeat, which had survived a hundred years of torture and strife to beat on, percussive and strong.

The thought brought tears to his eyes.

Steve blinked them away as he settled into his designated workspace, booting up his laptop and plugging it into the screen. After digging out the snacks Bucky packed him—since moving in, he’d taken over breakfast duties for Steve and lunchbox duties for Sarah—he stowed his backpack under the drafting table, then went to refill his travel mug at the coffee station. Renovating Bucky’s apartment had inspired him to finally sign up for an interior design class he’d been eyeing, Decorating Healthcare Spaces.

Every kid stuck in a puke-green room for endless, listless chronic illness days dreamed of escape. Steve knew this better than most, having done what had often felt like a life sentence on the cardiology and respiratory physiology wards. But the breadcrumbs Bucky often dropped about his (hellacious) time in captivity were what finally brought Steve around to doing something about it.

Steve couldn’t deny that seeing Bucky respond to warmer colors, rounder shapes, softer textures as they selected his furniture and accessories triggered something in him, too. The way Bucky gazed up in wonder at the star lanterns Steve hung over his reading nook. How he lazed in his new flannel sheets past sunrise, so enamored that he’d bought sets for Steve and Sarah as well, insisting every bed in the house provide maximum comfort. How he’d shyly asked Steve to paint a mural in his living room that evoked a lush green valley.

No one going through an extensive medical procedure and recovery should have to suffer a lifeless, antiseptic environment as well. To Steve, helping to make those spaces more inviting was a way to use his artistic powers for good.

Potentially. It was one class.

But it could also, maybe, hopefully turn into a career.

*

Steve spotted his favorite shadow hiding against the black marble columns of the Media Arts building as he stepped out into the summery (sigh) afternoon. Swallowing a downright embarrassing squeal of delight—this was what happened to his composure after a full day of being a genuine artistic person—Steve pretended obliviousness by merging into the rush-hour pedestrian traffic and veering toward the subway. He counted the seconds under his breath, nerves coiled tight with anticipation, until he felt the pinch of metal fingers at his elbow and he found himself being steered across 3^rd instead of taking a right.

For a wild, kamikaze moment, Steve wondered what Bucky would do if he kissed him in the middle of the crosswalk. To distract himself from the urge, to temper the not-murmur-related quickening of his heartbeat, Steve did the only thing he could think of to spare himself a full-on swoon.

He picked a fight.

“Subway’s back there, Buck,” Steve protested by way of greeting. “For someone who I had to negotiate a path with to make sure I didn’t cross any intersections unsupervised, this is a bold move.”

“Hello to you, too,” Bucky deadpanned. “And we’re not taking the subway.”

“I’m not walking back to Brooklyn from Kip’s Bay.”

“That’s right, you’re not.”

“You borrow a jetpack from Sam or something?” Steve taunted, unrepentant. “Because my laptop will not survive your Tarzan routine.”

“My Tar—”

“Thought you were staying late to finish the track lighting in that Humvee?” Steve raised a pointed brow in Bucky’s direction, not stupid enough to catch a full-on glimpse of him in all that leather. The man existed in seventeen variations of one natural state: obscenely hot. Steve had counted. “We had a whole beers and burritos plan for dinner.”

“You’re still getting your goddamn lamb curry burritos, Stevie, sheesh.”

“We going back to the shop?” Steve forced a scowl. “Because nothing says ‘I can’t quit you’ like hanging out across the street from your workplace on your day off.”

Bucky’s soldier instincts kept everything but his metal arm from twitching. Its brain-link could sometimes be a dead giveaway to Bucky’s emotions, much to Steve’s horror and fascination. “Nah, I’m done for the day.”

“But you said—”

“I got it done, okay?”

That made Steve scowl in earnest. “Something happen today?”

“No.” Instead of jumping on that like he wanted to, he waited Bucky out. Therapy had done a lot for Bucky, but even more for Steve, because it meant Bucky couldn’t stand to leave even a half-truth between them. “Not…” To his surprise, Bucky let go of his elbow, but only so he could anchor an arm around him. “I just missed you, is all.”

“Aww, Buck.” Steve wriggled against his massive, muscular bulk until he had space to weave his arm around Bucky’s waist, lean fully into him. Bucky let out a long sigh of relief. “It’s only one day.”

“I know.”

“Not even a full day.”

“I know, okay? You don’t gotta tell me how pathetic I am.”

“You’re sweet.” Even though Steve was expecting it, it hurt his heart to see Bucky wear his usual, ‘no compliments’ constipated expression. “And I get it. I really do. I missed you, too.”

“You did not,” Bucky declared with fierce certitude. “You’re in your element, Stevie. You’re practically glowing. Couldn’t get out of the house fast enough this morning. It’s…” He ducked his head, bashful. “It looks good on you.”

Steve frowned. “I’m not abandoning you, if that’s what you’re implying.”

“I know that,” Bucky insisted, perhaps more to himself than to Steve. “I do. I just wanted to see it for myself. Someone on the subway was bound to do something to piss you off, and by the time you got home…”

“I’d be my usual ranty asshole self?”

“Hey.” It was as close as Bucky ever got to chiding him. “I’m like that guy’s biggest fan. But…”

Steve’s brow arched even higher. “But?”

“I just wish.” Bucky blew out a breath. “Things were different. You could have this full-time.”

That shocked Steve. “School, you mean?”

“Yeah.” Bucky knocked their heads together. “I know you like working at the Fiend and all. But you got so much light inside you, you know? So much to give.”

“I…” Steve was, for perhaps the first time in his life, at a loss for words. No one had ever seen him like Bucky Barnes did. Not even his ma. “Thanks, Buck.”

“It’s just the truth, Stevie.” Bucky cinched him a little closer. Steve suspected, but couldn’t prove, he buried his nose in his hair. “Anyway, long story short, this rock star jackass rode his bike into the shop drunk as a fucking skunk, and even though he only needed a quick tune-up, Thor confiscated his keys. I figured his loss, our gain, and all that…”

Before Steve could put two and two together, Bucky darted them down a side alley, where the sickest motorcycle Steve had ever laid eyes on sat glistening in the refracted sunlight off the all-glass building across the street. Steve let out a low-level purr Alpine would have been proud of, because what else could you do when confronted with all that metal and leather and chrome?

Then he imagined Bucky sitting astride that beauty, and his art-high brain practically evaporated from the heat fumes his skull let off.

“We’re taking that home?” he blurted.

“For a ride, first.” Bucky shrugged, innocent, adorable. “If you’re, you know, up for it.”

Gonna be so up after riding on that thing with you, you might live to regret it.

Steve fought not to swallow his own tongue. There were not, Steve noted as the last of his brains melted out his ears, enough cold showers in the world. He also had no idea how he could possibly say no and not self-immolate from shame and disgust.

It was a problem.

“You’re a goddamn menace,” Steve muttered to keep from screaming.

Bucky smirked. “That’s my line.”

“You gonna take me to that steakhouse on Long Island?” he demanded, pretending annoyance.

By the pleased twist to his lips, Bucky wasn’t fooled for a second. “Thought you wanted burritos.”

“Can get those anytime.”

“Then, yeah.” Bucky gave him a last, lingering squeeze, definitely smelled his hair. “My treat.” He slipped away gradually, reluctant, and sidled over to the side of the bike. Steve took his time admiring the view as Bucky undid the buckle on one of the saddlebags. “Laptop should be safe in here.”

With his arm and his jeans and his jacket, Bucky looked like an extension of the bike, like he’d been made to wield such a sleek and powerful machine. When he glanced expectantly back at Steve, the velvet swathes of his hair perfectly framed his soft expression, his blackout sunglasses doing nothing to conceal the kindness in his eyes.

It struck Steve all of a sudden, a thunderbolt to the solar plexus.

“Is… is this a date?” Steve murmured. To himself or Bucky, he wasn’t sure.

Bucky swallowed hard, straightened—his defensive stance. Steve’s heart broke a little more at the thought that Bucky might doubt his intentions, his affections, after everything that had passed between them. After everything they were to each other.

“I-If…” Bucky shut his eyes, firmed his jaw. It took everything in Steve not to throw himself into his arms, kiss him senseless. “If you want.”

Steve cursed everyone who’d ever made Bucky feel small. “What about what you want, Buck?”

Bucky sucked in a shaky breath, then admitted, “I just want you, Stevie.”

He felt the stupidest, giddiest, shiniest smile spread across his face, radiant as sunshine. “Well, you got me. So you better treat me right, or they’ll be hell to pay.”

Bucky blinked as if stunned. He’ll get over it soon enough, Steve thought as he moved to join him. He dropped his backpack onto the bike’s seat, began to rifle through it for items best stored in the saddle bags. A quick glance upwards told him Bucky continued to stare at him, gobsmacked. Steve shoved his laptop at his chest to get his attention.

“Come on, I’m starving.” Steve’s brusque words were completely undermined by the bright, ridiculous smile he couldn’t seem to wipe off his face. “I’m getting a filet mignon as big as my head, by the way, and a Monte Carlo potato, extra bacon, extra cheese, and garlic buns, and dessert. And we better get a slice of their chocolate fondant cake for Ma, or we’ll never hear the end of it…” He suppressed a shiver as he surveyed the length of the bike, filthy thoughts blooming like a field of red chrysanthemums in his ever-fertile mind. “This thing got an extra helmet?”

“Yeah,” Bucky croaked, still overcome.

Instead of fetching the helmet, he brushed Steve’s bangs out of his eyes, tucked the errant strands behind his ear. Dragged the knuckles of his flesh hand along Steve’s jaw; Steve leaned into the touch, a wispy sigh escaping his lips.

He hovered there, relishing the moment, the tenderness of the gesture, as Bucky swung onto the bike.  

*

By the time they pulled up to the steakhouse, the tension was unbearable.

Bucky could barely keep his hands to himself around Steve at the best of times. The closer they grew, the more physical contact he craved. Walking arm-in-arm. Dozing on each other’s shoulders. Laying his head on his chest. Cuddling up in bed at night. He didn’t know how he’d survived this long without Steve’s touch, which grounded him and centered him and cradled him in equal measure.

But this. This. Steve curved around his back, legs notching against Bucky’s thighs, arms hugging around his torso, hands pressing into the center of his chest—too much. Too much and not enough. He let the Soldier steer the bike as he reveled in Steve’s closeness, the excitement thrumming through his slender body. The biggest marvel: that Steve was as affected as Bucky by the thought of their first date. Bucky had heard the skip in his pulse when he’d answered in the affirmative. Basked in the light of the sunshine smile, which hadn’t left Steve’s lips since.

I wonder if it’s still there? Bucky thought as he parked in a secluded spot under a tree at the back of the lot. Or, rather, the Soldier did—Bucky sank into Steve’s embrace like a cat glutted on cream.

The engine had almost cooled by the time Steve eased away, rubbing Bucky’s arms as if he couldn’t bear to part from him.

Wishful thinking, maybe, but a guy could dream.

Eventually, Steve reclined back far enough to remove his helmet. Bucky heard him fussing with his hair, pinching color back into his cheeks. He focused on his breathing as he surveyed their surroundings: the Elizabethan style bungalow that was the steakhouse, the ivy-strewn gables that covered the back balcony, the small-town New England smell of the place, a little salt on the air, a little brine. Inhaled and exhaled his way through the paralyzing fear that this might not go well.

Bucky got so caught up in not freaking out, he missed the fact that Steve had dismounted and was standing right beside him.

Close. Like, really, really close.

“So.” Steve cleared his throat. Twice. “That was…” He frowned, that familiar stitch knitting between his brows. “Sorry, but I need to see your face for this.”

Right. Bucky hadn’t taken his goddamn helmet off yet.

Why am I always such a fucking mess when it comes to Stevie Rogers?

With unexpected gentleness, Steve lifted the helmet off Bucky, set it on the vacated seat behind him. Used the motion to tuck in even closer, drawing Bucky’s metal arm around his waist and wrapping his arms around Bucky’s neck. The bike seat curved low; they were almost the same height. Perfect for…

“Intense,” Bucky blurted. For a wild second, he wasn’t sure if he’d said it out loud.

Then Steve hummed in agreement. The sunshine smile returned with a vengeance, shorting out his senses, scorching him through. There was a secretive tilt to it that made his tongue heavy.

“I figured.” Steve’s Adam’s apple bobbed. Bucky stared at it, suddenly parched. “We’re maybe both… both wondering… both thinking about after…”

“After?” Bucky had not been thinking about after. He could barely get his brain to process now, Steve so close, so much, so connected. Bucky wanted to pull him onto his lap.

“Buck, can I kiss you?”

He glanced up to meet Steve’s flinty blue eyes, sharp with intent.

“I—” Please, please, please, please let this be real. “Y-Yeah.”

The sunshine smile grew so wide, so lustrous that it whited out Bucky’s periphery. Steve cupped his face, pressed his soft, plump lips to Bucky’s own, and the world went supernova.

“Stevie,” Bucky gasped between slow, beguiling sips on his mouth.

Steve was being so, so careful with him, treating the moment with the reverence it deserved, and Bucky worshipped him all the more for it. He wove his arms around Steve in return, cradling his neck as they tilted to a better angle, more fulsome draughts on his lips, a hint of tongue flicking against the seam. All tension, anxiousness, concern evaporated in the kindling heat of their kiss.

Steve chose Bucky just as much as Bucky chose Steve. He wanted him, maybe had been longing for him all this time. The thought made Bucky dizzy, suddenly all too aware of what Steve had meant by “after.”

But after would come in its own good time. Steve deserved a real date, not just an impromptu parking lot makeout session. So, with extreme reluctance, Bucky took a final suck of Steve’s bottom lip, then eased away.

“Good strategy.” Bucky blushed at the rasp to his voice. “Excellent tactical instincts.”

“Yeah?” Steve’s eyebrows had a whole personality of their own. “You feeling good? Loose? Ready for action?”

“More like—” No, nope, he couldn’t say that. “Hungry.”

Whoops.

“Makes two of us,” Steve rumbled, in a voice even deeper than his natural baritone. “Fresh meat, coming right up.”

Bucky snickered, feeling giddier than he had since 1938. “That’s horrible. You’re horrible.”

“Also, genuinely starving.” Steve ghosted a final—for now—kiss across Bucky’s eager lips. “Show me a good time?”

“It’s always a good time when you’re around, pal.”

As soon as Bucky dismounted, he caught Steve around the waist, tucked him against his side. Steve went more than willingly—he leaned so hard, Bucky practically held him upright. They swaggered into the steakhouse only slightly less tipsy than the rock star jerk from that afternoon—hormones being their designer drug of choice—whose bike had been the unlikely matchmaker that had finally sealed their particular romantic deal.

When Steve settled in across the table from him, the sunshine smile still at full blaze, Bucky felt like he was finally, finally moving out of the darkness that had shrouded him for so long, toward a golden future.

End of Chapter 6

Chapter Text

Chapter 7 – Sweet and Heavy

“After” proved to be sunbaked-sidewalk warm, honey candy sweet.

Steve hummed along to the sultry voice on the record player, crooning about lilac wine. He lay on Bucky’s couch, a secondhand, super-sized monstrosity that would have been royal blue if it wasn’t covered in a snowy layer of cat hair. Said tricksy white cat glowered down at him like a princess atop her tower, unimpressed by this intruder in her domain but otherwise unbothered. A nature documentary played on the muted TV—something about otters—but he barely spared it a glance. His entire body, nay, his entire being devoted its considerable energies to holding Bucky Barnes.

Their date had been, in a word, amazing. They’d mooned at each other over steak and potatoes and salad and pie, holding hands across the table whenever they weren’t occupied by shoveling more food into their maws. The magic of it was that they’d bantered and teased and groused like usual, they just traded bashful smiles through it all, happy, so incredibly happy to be together, everything out in the open.

After, they’d gone for a walk along the shore before riding back to the city. Bucky had confessed in halting tones that he’d like to take things slow, that he didn’t remember the last time he’d been with someone in this way, if he ever had. He did let Steve kiss on him a bit, and then again when they got home, Bucky steering Steve down to his apartment, wary of Sarah interrupting them.

The day caught up with Bucky as soon as they hit the couch in their comfy clothes. They’d indulged in a few soft kisses, but soon enough he crashed out half on top of Steve, craving his familiar comfort.

Not that Steve minded at all—an armful of drowsy Bucky Barnes was its own reward. He twisted Bucky’s silken locks around his fingers as they lounged, surprised by how easy it was to bear the weight of him. Bucky’s deep breaths breezed down the side of his neck, where he’d buried his face, his flesh arm latched tight around Steve’s torso. As he watched the otters bob along the surface of the river, Steve daydreamed of a thousand and more nights spent just like this, with Bucky as his strength, his heart, his person.

Hard to believe a cup of black coffee and a brownie had earned him all this. Steve couldn’t be more grateful.

Then Bucky mumbled something in what Steve thought was his sleep, shifted to get more comfortable, and… oh.

Oh.

Something decidedly un-drowsy jabbed into his thigh. And Steve maybe let out the softest little squeak of excitement.

They slept together every night, was the thing. Woke together almost every morning. They’d been hard in each other’s presence before, being young men in the prime of their lives. But they’d always taken pains not to make the other uncomfortable, to treat it like a fact of life. They pulled away, or pressed into the mattress, or slipped off to the bathroom. By communal agreement, they didn’t look or comment. They treated each other with respect.

Not that Steve didn’t have the utmost respect for the massive erection making friends with the meat of his thigh. It was impossible to see Bucky in a pair of skin-tight jeans and not realize that he possessed the ultimate enhancement. It was another thing entirely to feel the length and girth of that engorged shaft firsthand.

Steve started his usual count back from a thousand, but his cock had other ideas. Luckily, it just missed being pinned by Bucky’s side, so at least he wouldn’t get the wrong (right) impression if he was simply having a sexy dream.

“Mmm, you smell good,” Bucky purred into his neck. “So good.” Satiny lips nibbled on his earlobe; Steve’s eyes rolled back in his head. “Can I… touch you? Would that be…”

“Perfect,” Steve sighed, forcing himself to relax, to accept however far Bucky wanted to go. “You can touch me anywhere.”

Bucky leaned more generously on his side, lifting some of his weight off Steve to give his roving hand better access. Steve let out a soft mewl, wriggled closer to his body, not wanting to lose that delicious contact. Bucky kept things above the belt at first, stroking his scarlet touch up Steve’s chest, over his arms, all above his shirt. Then, once Steve felt more spoiled than Alpine after a day curled on her daddy’s lap, Bucky’s fingers skirted the hem, teasing the flat slip of belly beneath.

“Okay to take this off?” Bucky murmured.

And that smashed Steve back into the moment. Because…

“I—” He always wore pajamas, a T-shirt, something when in bed with Bucky. He never went shirtless, not if he could help it. It had been a dealbreaker with other lovers. He prayed it wasn’t now. “I don’t—”

“Stevie,” Bucky cooed. He dragged his fingertips up Steve’s middle, a long strip of gorgeous sensation, then traced his Y-incision scars through his shirt. Bucky, of course, hadn’t missed a trick, had clocked the reason for Steve’s reluctance probably that first goddamn night together. “I want you. These are a part of you.”

“They’re ugly.” Steve felt the deep irony of saying this to a man with a freaking metal arm he hadn’t asked for, but he couldn’t help himself.

“They’re you.” Bucky sipped at his temple. “And you’re here. They helped you be here with me.” He snuck down to whisper in his ear. “I really wanna see you.”

Bucky snaked his thumb down, flicked it over Steve’s sensitive nipple. Steve gasped so hard he almost choked himself.

“Can I see you, too?”

“Sure, yeah.” Bucky maneuvered them around a bit, so that he could sit up without losing total contact.

Steve had about ten seconds to prepare himself for the sight of Bucky wrenching off his shirt. Even the brief glimpse of rippling abs, flexing pecs, bulbous biceps had him swooning. Until he spotted Bucky’s scar tissue and burned with shame.

Which, being him, turned into determination.

“Help me with this?” Steve rose onto his elbows after nodding in the direction of his shirt.

“Yes, please.” Bucky took his time raising Steve’s shirt up his torso, over his head, stealing a long, thorough grope in the process.

Suddenly, Steve didn’t feel self-conscious at all. Especially when Bucky proceeded to lick and mouth and bite his way all over Steve’s chest, leaving little lip-shaped marks in his wake. Steve collapsed back, eyes half-lidded, concentrating on every pinch and tingle. Bucky wasn’t shy about experimenting, laving his nipples till Steve writhed, nosing down his treasure trail, swooping back up to suck at his neck. Through it all, Bucky seemed oblivious to the fearsome erection tenting his boxers, still taking pains to angle it away from Steve.

Much as Steve hated to admit it, much as Steve’s body screamed in objection, they probably needed to talk before things went much further.

“Buck,” he panted. “Kiss me.”

Steve never claimed he was good at listening to the reasonable side of himself.

Bucky crawled up, kissed him, slow and deep. “You even taste…” A long, tonguey draught that set Steve’s skin a-simmer. “…like sunshine.”

“And you taste like those squishy raspberries you got stashed under that pillow.”

“Guilty.” He teethed at Steve’s bottom lip, pulled it out a bit. “I did want to go slow. Really.”

“But your dick had other ideas?”

“Maybe.” After a long smooch, he added, “I don’t remember anyone. Just shadows. Images. A silhouette in front of a window in… France, I think. A booth in the back of a smoky club. Brick scraping my fingers as I…” He shut his eyes, shuddered. “But my body remembers what to do. And I feel so safe with you.”

“I feel safe with you, too,” Steve murmured against his lips.

“I really want to make you come, Stevie.” Bucky’s chest heaved with the force of his need. “It’s all I can think about, since we got on that bike.”

Steve didn’t flirt. Not successfully. He was too earnest as a person, got too in his head about it. But somehow, something inside him urged him to bite his bottom lip, to bat his long eyelashes, to smirk, sharklike, in Bucky’s direction. Bucky’s breaths kicked up another notch, coming out in tight little rasps.

“How you gonna do that, Buck?” he drawled, full of Brooklyn swagger.

“Any way you want,” Bucky confessed. “How do you want me, Stevie?”

“Uh-uh.” Steve’s smirk spread until he showed a hint of teeth. “This is your show, handsome. You been waiting, what, seventy years? You deserve to have some fun.”

“I—” Bucky made to protest, but the sound died in his throat.

Steve may have snuck beneath him, so that Bucky’s hips slotted between his legs. Their height difference meant that the tip of Bucky’s cock skirted his boxer-clad ass, while Steve’s…

Bucky shut his eyes, let out a guttural groan. “Menace.”

“Oh, you got no idea.” Steve preened a bit as he made himself comfortable under Bucky’s incredible weight, every point where their bodies touched electric with promise. “I’m all kinds of trouble. Ask anyone.”

“I’ll show you trouble.” Bucky kissed him then—fierce, greedy, relentless. Before Steve could so much as moan, Bucky nipped and licked a sweet, bruising trail down, down, down, past his navel. He rubbed his face on the fabric over Steve’s painfully hard cock until Steve bucked his hips up into the motion. Bucky dragged his lips along its swollen length—Steve was no slouch in the dick department, either—then mouthed around the tip until it drenched the cotton through. “Can I suck you, Stevie?”

“Mmm, told ya, anything you want.” Steve may have ascended to another plane of existence after nothing but a bit of over-the-undies action. “So long as you get yours, too.”

“All mine.” Bucky palmed him for a final stroke, as if laying claim to his territory.

Steve’s dick twitched, impatient as ever. Bucky chuckled low in his throat as he disappeared Steve’s boxers, re-spread his legs, pounced. Licked a stripe up the length of Steve’s cock that made him curse in two separate languages, then treated him to a decadent suck.

Steve shoved a couple of pillows behind his head because this was something he was not gonna miss: the obscene stretch of Bucky’s cheek around his cockhead, the raw texture of his tongue as it swirled and laved, the sweep of his velvety locks across his thighs, the hot clench of that metal hand around his base, his balls. He didn’t last long—he couldn’t. Bucky was a man possessed, and really, really fucking good at giving head. Steve white-knuckled the cushions for all he was worth, but in the end, there was nothing for it.

Bucky sucked him to the most intense, spine-searing orgasm of his life.

“C’mere,” Steve urged, once he’d floated back down from the ceiling. “C’mere, c’mere.”

Bucky surged back up, into his arms, into his kiss. “Need you.”

“You got me, you got me.” Steve bent his legs up so Bucky could fuck into his crease, so slick and turned on he didn’t need anything to ease the way.

He gripped into Bucky’s back muscles, rode the piston of his hips. Let his lids droop down as he imagined how incredible full penetration might be: Bucky’s powerful thrusts, rapturous sensation, stretched and full and gloriously fucked.

Not that the current circumstances lacked for passion, Bucky cupping his face as his pleasure deepened, deepened, staring down into Steve’s eyes even as his hips began to stutter, his keens amplifying, his sinuous body tightening, tightening until finally he snapped. Hissed. Spent thick stripes of come all over Steve’s abdomen. Barked out a few hoarse grunts of satisfaction, then collapsed, boneless, on top of Steve.

Possibly the greatest thing to ever happen to him.

Definitely.

How do you go back to bathroom handies and broken promises after you’ve gone to bed with Bucky Barnes?

Steve stroked a gentling touch up and down his back, monitoring his breaths for a telltale hitch. But Bucky just buried his face in Steve’s neck—his favorite spot—and curled tight around him. Steve couldn’t imagine what tenor of thoughts rung through his dizzy head. He concentrated on being there for Bucky, however this little physical experiment of theirs turned out. They could only move forward together.

What he didn’t expect was for Bucky to pop his head up like a gopher and ask, “We got any of those popsicles left? You know, the ones with the stripes?”

It took everything Steve had to school the expression on his face. Then he realized they’d already had sex, so he could gaze at Bucky, fondness in full effect. “Think you polished those off back in August, Buck.”

“Damn.” Bucky pouted so prettily, Steve had to kiss him. “How mad would you be if I went to the store right now?”

“Pretty mad.” Steve couldn’t keep his smile from lighting up his entire face. “Plus, we got those blackberries from the market.”

“Oh, yeah.” Bucky made no effort to move. Instead, he gave Steve a long, tonguey smooch and snuggled back down around him, the best blanket in the world. “Later,” he murmured, lying so that his face pressed into Steve’s hair.

“You sure?”

“Mmm.” He felt more than heard Bucky snicker. “Already had something sweet.”

“I’ll say.”

They both chuckled at that, languid, affectionate, basking in the afterglow that suffused them both. Steve held Bucky through the night, guiding him into sleep, guarding him from black thoughts, falling, falling for the miracle that was Bucky Barnes.

***

Bucky tossed a blackberry into his mouth, savored the tart, juicy squish on his tongue. He drained the water off the rest of the bushel, poured them into a bowl. Considered the ingredients on the kitchen counter: batter, butter, homemade whipped cream, maple syrup, three kinds of berries. Simple things that, when combined, wove their own humble spell. In combination with the sun dappling through the stained-glass windows above the cabinets, the cool breeze billowing the branches of the backyard tree, the scent of rich Wakandan coffee wafting through the kitchen, Alpine scratching at the base of one of her many upholstered towers, Bucky couldn’t help but think something magic was in the air that morning, and that was before Steve shuffled into the kitchen, shower-fresh and saucer-eyed.

“What’s all this?” He immediately latched himself to Bucky’s back, his solid, still-damp head pressing in between his shoulder blades.

Bucky almost threw him over his shoulder and carted him right back down to bed. Instead, he twined their fingers, leaned back into his loose embrace. Fought against the arousal that threatened to ruin their breakfast. His body felt awake in ways it had never been in his lived memory, as if the full scope of the serum had finally kicked in. Even though they’d gone again that morning, and Bucky twice more in the bath, he self-censored thoughts of bending Steve over the kitchen island. Of spreading him out on the floor and supping his full. Of screwing him into the couch until he scandalized the entire neighborhood with his moans.

Hazy recollections of Isaiah luring half the brothel workers—men and women alike—into his room crept up from the recesses of his mind. For the first time, Bucky considered what it might be like to be ruled by the full spectrum of his enhancements.

He couldn’t bring himself to hate the idea, especially when Steve arched up on his toes to plant a kiss at the nape of Bucky’s neck.

“A treat,” Bucky answered, about a hundred beats too late. “Crepes with berries and cream.”

Steve whistled. “Fancy. You must really wanna impress somebody.”

“Or, you know…” He turned one of Steve’s hands over, kissed the palm. “Show my appreciation.”

“Feeling very appreciated over here, after last night,” Steve assured him, in a low, tender voice. “Spoiled, even.”

“More where that came from,” Bucky murmured, then gave in to the impulse to suckle Steve’s wrist.

“Buck.” Steve groaned into the space between his shoulder blades. “We got work.”

He gave Steve’s wrist a final nip, smoothed it over with his lips, sighed, “Yeah.”

“And I wanna enjoy this special breakfast,” Steve reminded him, having the grace to sound disappointed. “You went to a lot of trouble.”

He had, goddamn it.

“Yeah.” Bucky hung his head, so Steve wouldn’t see him pout. “You want strawberry, raspberry, or blackberry in yours?”

“Surprise me.” He gave Bucky a final squeeze, then went to pour himself some coffee.

Except maybe Steve was feeling some kind of way about them, too. Maybe the static tension of their proximity became too much for him to bear. Maybe the magnet pull of attraction between them tugged at his insides, because he hoisted himself up on the counter right beside Bucky’s work station, legs spread so wide that his knee nudged at Bucky’s hip.

When Bucky glanced over at him, Steve hid his smirk behind the rim of his coffee cup. Stole a quick sip, then set it down. Kicked his legs out like an impatient toddler. He stared, stared, stared at Bucky’s lips until they tingled from the force of that singular gaze.

“You want something, Stevie?” he rasped, throat tight with need.

Steve bit his bottom lip in a way that should be outlawed in all fifty states. “Someone.”

“Thought we had to get to work.”

“Doesn’t stop me wanting.” He knocked his heel against Bucky’s thigh. “What do you wanna do tonight?”

“Besides each other?”

Steve snorted, fond. “We can’t do that all night.”

“Try me,” Bucky quipped. But also not. He buzzed with a new kind of energy—boundless, turbo-charged, invincible. “Library time, but in Prospect Park?”

“Mmm, public indecency.” The sunshine smile scorched him through yet again. “Sounds fun.”

“So, it’s a…” Bucky cleared his throat, hit by a wave of shyness.

And reality. This was happening, really happening. Him and Steve, together.

What if…

“A date, yeah.” Steve, with his incredible intuition, must have sensed the tension in him. “Hey, come here.”

Bucky didn’t need to be asked twice. He notched in between Steve’s legs, let him weave his arms around his neck, press their foreheads together, suffused by the sublime force of their connection.

Here, nothing hurt. Here, he could just be.

“You gotta tell me if we’re going too fast, okay?” Steve’s sweet breath ghosted across his cheek, a caress.

“We’re not.”

“Or if something is too much for you,” he insisted, unconvinced. “Maybe we need a safe word.”

“A what?”

“Something you can say to let me know if you need to slow down.” Steve massaged circles into his back, as if to emphasize the need for what amounted to a shutdown command. But, Bucky couldn’t help but notice, this time he would be doing the commanding. He would have control. “Or stop. Or regroup. Or if something just doesn’t feel the way you expected it to, if you need a break.”

Something about the concept filled Bucky with relief. Steve was giving him a way out. No one had ever done that before. “Could you use it, too?”

“Yeah, of course.” The corner of Steve’s lips quirked up. “Probably gonna need it more than you, if I’m honest. You get very, um, into it.”

“I do?”

“Mmm-hmm.” Steve full-on smirked. “It’s hot.”

Bucky felt like someone struck a match off his cheeks. They burned crimson in his peripheral vision.

He didn’t care.

“It’s just so—” Luscious, so goddamn luscious. Fuck it, but Wilson was right. “I didn’t think anything could feel that good.”

“Me neither.” Off Bucky’s surprised look, he added, “Honest. I’ve messed around some, especially when I was younger, but you…” He grinned, wide, bright, blinding. “It feels real in a way it never has before. It feels true.”

“Yes.” Bucky blew out a blustery breath, and with it, the last of his worries. Steve understood. Better, Steve cared. “So are we, um…”

“Boyfriends,” Steve stated, with a resonance that echoed through his bones. “Unless…”

“No, that’s good.” Bucky cinched him close, brushed kisses down his nose, over his cheeks, across his jaw. “That’s good, that’s—”

Someone cleared their throat. They gasped, froze.

Steve, because he was a brat, bussed the corner of Bucky’s mouth. His eyes sparkled like uncut diamonds.

“Mornin’, Ma. How was your night?”

“Not as eventful as yours, it seems, my dearest darling.” When Bucky glanced over, he caught sight of a bemused grin. “Well, it’s about time the two of you got your heads out of your asses. Or in each other’s, as the case may be.”

“Ma!” Bucky exclaimed. By the fire blazing his cheeks, he must have gone full scarlet.

Steve grinned, wolfish, smug.

Sarah, for her part, looked pleased as punch, by the name he’d chosen to call her and by his embarrassment. “Bucky dear, are those crepes part of some sort of post-coital celebration or am I invited to share?”

Seventy years of torture, and this is what kills me.

“Please, Ma, sit down.” Steve, as ever, had a plan. Part of which entailed luring Bucky into an ardent but chaste kiss, then shooing him off to make the crepes. “There’s fresh coffee. You want me to get you a cup?”

“Chamomile tea, if you don’t mind, my sunshine.” Sarah rarely indulged in caffeine after a night shift, even if she only slept in the afternoons. “What did the pair of you get up to, beside the inevitable?”

Steve pinched his ass as he passed behind him, winked like the menace he was. “Buck took me to Peter Luger out in Long Island. We brought you cake.”

He focused on not burning the crepes as Steve and Sarah bantered behind him, the best music in the world.

“Ah, that would explain the motorbike.” The mischief in her voice was unmistakable, when she added, “Little wonder you were feeling amorous after a ride like that.”

Bucky almost dropped the whole stick of butter in the pan.

“It was the company more than the ride.” Steve kneaded Bucky’s biceps as he waited for the kettle to boil, as if he, too, couldn’t stand to be apart from him for long. “But I wouldn’t mind if you kept the bike, Buck. It was fun, taking her out.”

“Wish I could,” Bucky sighed. It had been fun. “Instead, I gotta make her front headlights look like boobs.”

“No!” Steve and Sarah both protested.

“Douchebag rock stars.” He shrugged. “You don’t even wanna know what Drax has to paint on her fuel tank.”

“Except we can guess.” Steve shuddered. “Ew.”

“Still and all,” Sarah commented, too casual. “I’ll bet a month’s wages our dear Bucky cuts a striking figure on that disreputable man’s bike. Perhaps you can get one secondhand, love. Surely someone at the shop has a connection.”

“I—” Bucky considered this as he plated the first batch of crepes. The memory of Steve curled around him—trusting, so trusting—as they raced down the highway proved mighty persuasive. But… “I was actually thinking about getting a truck. Already talked to Thor about parking it at the lot. Would be good for day trips, maybe, to the beach or… or the mountains.”

“A romantic getaway, hmm?” Sarah twinkled up at him as he carried the bowls and plates over to the table. “You are a keeper.”

Bucky frowned. “For all of us.”

Steve chimed in with, “Ma, we wouldn’t leave you behind.”

“That’s very considerate of you, my darlings,” she chuckled, “but you need your own time away to be young and fancy free. Though I would quite like to visit Montreal again, if that’s on the table. Your father and I honeymooned there, once upon a time.”

“Top of the list,” Bucky promised.

Steve, as usual, had a one-track mind. “Maybe you could get a bike and a truck? Being in the automotive business and all.”

“So he can have two vehicles he almost never drives?” Sarah objected. “Steven, be sensible.”

“Yeah, Stevie,” Bucky teased as he settled into his seat. “Think with your brain, not with your—”

“What he needs to think about,” Sarah interjected, “is your wallet, Bucky love.”

Steve snorted. “His wallet is literally the last thing I’ll ever think about, Ma. No one here is rolling in it.”

Coincidence was a funny thing, as were the weird and winding turns conversations could take. Bucky chewed and chewed and chewed on his crepe, the berry flavors dancing on his tongue, creamy and syrupy and something beyond, something indelible in the mix of tastes and textures, an alchemy, a marriage.

He’d been waiting for the right moment to tell them, these incredible people who’d all but adopted him.  Who’d shared their home and their hearts with a wounded stranger, generous to a fault, but also deeply proud of the work they did, of the battles they fought, of the life they maintained. Bucky had been one of them, back in the day, and though he couldn’t remember much from that time, he knew better than to solve all their problems with a wire transfer from one of his many secret bank accounts.

(Tied himself in knots worrying that if they found out, they’d think him unworthy of their love.)

But trust was a fragile thing, a little bird with a broken wing in the palm of your hand. Bucky understood that better than most. Not telling them could be as poisonous, in the long run—especially in a relationship, akin to a betrayal. Sam had taught him many coping mechanisms, one of the most important being how to be “honest in the right way” about what happened to him.

And this, of course, was part of that story.

“So, um…” Bucky swallowed hard around the crepe mush, now a lump in his throat.

“Buck?” Steve, a bloodhound when it came to Bucky’s distress, reached his hand across the table.

He wished beyond wished he could grab it, hold tight, his lifeline, but he wanted Steve to be free to have a genuine reaction, whatever that may be.

“Back pay.” He blew out a shaky breath. “Did you know if you’re a POW, you get a trauma bonus?”

“A…” Sarah’s jaw firmed, a mirror of Steve’s expression. “That might be the most detestable pairing of words I’ve ever heard.”

“And you…” Steve appeared to do the mental math. “Seventy years’ worth?!”

Bucky nodded, once, braced for impact. When none came, he continued, “I also might have liberated some, er, funds from the Nazi fucks who… you know.” He actually wasn’t sure how many of the details Sarah knew, so he did his best to spare her. “Gave most to the victims’ families, charities, but…”

“Not all of it?” Steve guessed.

“No.” Some of his victims hadn’t exactly been sterling human beings themselves. The last thing Bucky wanted to do was bankroll a coup. “I just… I need to have options.”

Steve’s brow furrowed. “Options?”

“An escape route.” Sarah’s hand joined Steve’s in reaching out to him across the table. “Bucky love, might this be why my medical debt is suddenly much more manageable?”

Bucky couldn’t look her in the eyes, see the judgment there. “Maybe.”

“What?” The entire tenor of Steve’s voice changed. Was cowering under the table an option? “What do you mean, manageable?”

“They’ll be paid off by the end of the year.”

“The whole—" Steve’s breath hitched. “Buck, what—"

“You gave me so much.” He heard Sam’s voice in his head, telling him to use his words. “I didn’t have anyone for so long. Even after I found myself again. I didn’t have anyone. I didn’t know how to…” He shut his eyes against the sting of tears, hoping they wouldn’t fall. “But then you were there, Stevie, with your light, and your art, and your stubborn, and your… And now… It would tear me apart, if something happened, and you couldn’t afford…” None of them needed him to elaborate on what he meant. “It’s the least I can do to keep you safe, after everything.”

Before he dared open his eyes, two warm bodies wrapped around him, hugging in tight. Gentle fingers pet his aching head. Plush lips pressed kiss after kiss after kiss to his temple, a slender, familiar body all but climbing into his lap.

“You dear boy,” Sarah cooed. “You dear, sweet, noble boy. I’d gouge their eyes out with my thumbs for what they did to you. I’d see them burn in the eternal fires. You deserve every cent of that blood money and more. You live off their fat for as long as you draw breath, to the ripest, oldest age imaginable.” She kissed his crown, gave him a final squeeze. “You’re family, Bucky love. We’re your family now. No matter what, you’ll always have a place with us.”

“Thanks, Ma,” he sniffled, relinquishing himself to their care, their strength. To the home he’d somehow found for himself among the ruins of his former life.

*

Round two came sooner than expected. Bucky shouldn’t have been surprised. If there was one thing he learned about Stevie Rogers during the course of their friendship, it was that he didn’t give anything up that easy. He may have been initially knocked sideways by Bucky’s little announcement, but as a much-bullied child (a fact that somehow gave Bucky nightmares as soon as he’d heard it), Steve knew to use his time on the ground, aching, to come back twice as hard as before.

Despite his diminutive-ish size, Steve really was a natural combatant, a beast in twink’s clothing. He just had the misfortune to be going head-to-head with the former Winter Soldier, aka the most skilled assassin in all of recorded history. Though Bucky used his powers for good these days, that didn’t mean he failed to spot Steve’s sneak attack a mile away.

Even with all the sex and drama, they ended up rolling into the shop’s lot a half-hour early because of the bike. Bucky steered her straight into his garage lair, his Steve-senses tingling. Nothing in Steve’s outward demeanor betrayed a hint of annoyance throughout the rest of breakfast, exchanging goodbyes with Sarah, and riding to work. He hid his tells well. And perhaps Bucky had an unfair advantage, being able to monitor his pulse, his breathing, the tension in his limbs for the minutest change.

Or maybe he just had experience enough of fucking snake heads to know when they reared back to strike.

Bucky doffed his helmet as soon as they came to a full stop, before he’d even cut the engine. “You mad?”

Steve stilled halfway to removing his own, pausing for a few beats—probably to unclench his jaw—before pulling it completely off. It didn’t work—Bucky caught sight of his peeved expression in the rearview mirror.

“No.” Steve gave the lie to his word by shoving the helmet at Bucky, dismounting. “I get it.”

Bucky scoffed. “You don’t.” He hit the kickstand with his heel, but waited to swing off the bike. He’d gleaned over time that if he stood to his full height, it would be game over. Steve’s fight or fight would kick in, and they’d have a full-on argument, or worse. “Come on. Say it.”

He crossed his arms over his chest. “There’s nothing to—”

“Stevie.” Bucky rolled his eyes, strategically.

It was akin to lobbing a grenade in his direction. Steve would never fail to jump, whether it blew up on him or not.

“You could have told me!” Steve blasted.

Bucky almost, almost laughed in his face. He was just so adorably predictable. “You wouldn’t have let me.”

“Well, maybe that’s because you should have asked!”

“Still wouldn’t have let me,” Bucky insisted.

Steve cinched his arms even tighter, scowled. “I’m gonna pay you back.”

“Like hell you are.”

“Every red cent,” Steve enunciated, his stubborn in full effect. “Double, if you keep up this… this…”

“Pot calling the kettle black?” Bucky permitted himself a smirk. Because, come on. He could have written the damn script.

“Buck,” Steve growled in warning, flushing a fiery red as his temper flared.

“Could you pay me in kisses instead?” Bucky launched his de-escalation plan with a bat of his eyelashes. “In blow jobs? Or would that be considered whoring yourself out—”

“Be serious!”

“You think I’m not serious about your ass?” Bucky smiled in the shit-eating way he’d learned from one Steven Grant Rogers. “Because let me tell you, pal—"

“Stop.” It must have been working, because when Steve blew out a fulsome breath, not a wisp of smoke could be seen. “Bucky, it’s not right. We didn’t—”

“Shut up.” Gentle but firm didn’t always work with Steve, but Bucky let a bit of the Soldier creep into his tone, and that got his attention. “Stevie, you’re the pants on a Roxy usher, you’re one of the kindest damn souls I ever met in this world, but sometimes, sometimes you got it wrong.”

He scowled even harder. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It’s Ma,” Bucky spelled out, because really. Dense didn’t even begin to cover it. “Do I want you to quit the Fiend and use my ill-gotten gains to finish your school after yesterday? I do, and I’m saying it to you plain. But I get that’s not the best thing for whatever we got going on, and that? That’s everything to me. Everything.” Steve’s expression softened a fraction—a win. “But this is for Ma’s health. This is so she doesn’t have to work herself to the bone. To give her time off to spend with you, with us. To take the world off her shoulders. So that if the worst happens, and she doesn’t make her five years, we got options. And I’m telling you right now, the option is going to be me paying for the whole shot, the best doctors Tony Stark can dig up, no compromises. Not when it comes to your ma.”

As well as he knew Steve after their months of non-stop togetherness, as primed as he’d been to wage a full-scale battle against his stubborn, Bucky was ill-prepared for Steve to launch himself at him like a tiny, ornery bull. He was especially shocked to find himself in a spine-crushing hug, to feel wetness on his neck where Steve smashed his face, to weave arms around a gasping, heaving torso.

“Sorry,” Steve croaked. “Sorry, I…”

Bucky hugged him fiercely, letting the full breadth and weight of his body envelop him. It seemed to calm him, somehow—Steve sagged deeper into his arms.

“What am I gonna do with you, huh?” Bucky teased to lighten the mood. “Can’t even do my guy a favor without him grinding my gears.”

“And not in the good way,” Steve quipped back, still a thickness to his voice.

“Maybe later.” Bucky shrugged, playful. “If you’re up for it. The day is young…”

“I wanna make an age joke.” Steve lifted his head so they were face-to-face, eyes red-rimmed but with their usual flint. “But I like you too much.”

“Pretty gone on you myself.”

“Yeah?” Steve braced himself for a blow. “Even if I’m a jackass who won’t accept the amazing thing you did for our ma?”

Bucky rolled his eyes again. Fondly, it should be said. “Tell me I don’t gotta replay the last five minutes. I’m tired of arguing.”

“You don’t,” Steve admitted, chastened. “You really wanna pay for my school?”

“Stevie, I don’t know if you noticed, but I’d do just about anything for you.” Bucky pouted in a way that would hopefully earn him a kiss. He was shameless like that. “It’s not about owing you for what you done for me or whatever. And I get that it makes things complicated for this… us. I respect that. I won’t push. But it’s there if you need it.” Bucky rested their foreheads together, whispered, “I just want to see you shine.”

He smiled into Steve’s kiss, lost himself in the sweet of his lips, the heat of his soft regard. They both seemed a little tipsy when they came up for air, this new, acknowledged attraction more potent than the strongest drug.

“I’ll think about it,” Steve conceded, a victory in itself. “Don’t think I’d like doing either full-time, you know? Too much Fiend makes me cranky, too much art I might disappear up my own ass.”

“I’d take one for the team, come save you.” Bucky attempted a mock-solemn expression, couldn’t help breaking into a smile. “Might get stuck up there a while…”

It was Steve’s turn to roll his eyes. “We’ll see how it goes now that Ma’s bills are off the table. I might be able to do it on my own, school a couple days a week.”

“The thing is, you don’t have to.” Bucky ghosted a kiss across his lips. “But I know you will.”

“And you—” Steve cleared his throat, all his vulnerability returning with a vengeance. “You like me anyway?”

Bucky saw, with pristine clarity, how insanely fucking lucky he was that a secret colossus like Stevie Rogers deigned to offer his neck, to show him his belly, to bless Bucky with the full range of emotions he often kept locked down in his chest.

“Something like that, yeah,” Bucky murmured, then soothed him with a kiss.

End of Chapter 7

Chapter Text

Chapter 8 – One in a Zillion

Steve turtled deeper into his coat, blowing his lukewarm breath on his hands to stave off the mid-October damp. Dark, rain-swollen clouds blighted out whatever sun might have risen over Brooklyn that day, but at least there was light enough to track Bucky as he made his way back over to the shop, his murder strut unmistakable even from the vantage of the employee terrace.

He hated to see Bucky go, but damn did he love to watch him walk away.

Steve was, he acknowledged, ridiculous. They’d parted not ten minutes earlier at the door to the Fiend. He’d meet Bucky for lunch in four short hours. They basically lived together. But still, every morning he opened, as soon as Bucky disappeared down the back stairs, Steve raced out onto the terrace in defiance of the weather to get a last glimpse of his boyfriend before he enclosed himself in his garage lair. Lingered awhile, tasting him on his lips, smelling him on his scarf, tingling from the force of his embrace before they parted.

He had a problem, and his name was Bucky Barnes.

Except, not so much of a problem. A month in, and they were, in a word, blissful. Bucky had his back like no one ever had before. And yet, Bucky did not put up with his shit—but he had this way, this caring way of encouraging Steve to do better, of taking him as he was, flaws and all. He devoted himself to Steve and Sarah, probably too much so, but he was making huge strides in his recovery according to Sam Wilson, and so Steve accepted it as part of the Bucky package.

The amazing, adorable, altruistic, and awe-inspiring Bucky package that Steve had bought wholesale and would not be returning, not in this lifetime.

Getting ahead of yourself there, he thought for the bajillionth time, but he couldn’t help it, couldn’t bring himself to care. Part of him felt a little trepidatious, but the rest of him knew that he was done. Sold. Off the market. He just had to spend the rest of his life convincing Bucky to stay with him forever, proving to Bucky that he could be the partner he deserved.

Because nothing got past the super-enhancements of one Bucky Barnes, he turned before merging with the shadows in his lair and, as he did every morning, formed a heart shape with his mismatched hands. And like he did every morning, Steve swooned as he returned the gesture. He tucked his hands under his armpits as he hurried back into the Fiend, missing Bucky’s heat but warmed by the memory of their time together the previous night, playing balled-up-sock-er with Alpine for hours before indulging in a long soak in the bath together. Steve permitted himself a secret smile at the thought of where all that glitter had ended up when—

“What’s that look?” Darcy crossed her arms under her breasts as she leaned on the staff lockers.

Steve shuttered his expression into Black Widow blandness, or so Bucky always teased. “What look?”

“Why are you wearing so many scarves?” She pushed off the lockers, walked over to him in measured strides. “They make you itch.”

“These ones don’t.”

“Are you or aren’t you the same person who once accused Pietro of being a faux-boho hipster jackass when he wore that one scarf Guru Maria crocheted him on maternity leave?”

Steve scowled. “Why are you giving me such a hard time about this? I felt like wearing a scarf.”

“Elementary, my dear Watson.” Darcy began to circle around him in a frankly dizzying manner.

“Ugh,” Steve groaned. “Have you been bingeing BBC Sherlock again?”

“Not the point.”

“Did Luke break up with you?”

“Also not the point,” Darcy retorted. “But no. He’d never seen it. What else was I supposed to do?”

“I don’t know, fuck his brains out?” He swerved around her and beelined for his locker. He’d actually been hoping to ditch the scarves for—shudder—a cowl sweater Bucky had spotted in the window of a vintage boutique and said would look “swell” on him, a surprise for their lunch date. But then Bucky had gone and sucked a whole Rorschach test along the left side of his neck, and oh, well.

“Brave of you to think I can’t multitask.” Darcy stationed herself by the open side of his locker, eyed him suspiciously. “Seriously, Steve, what’s up with you lately? There’s something, I don’t know, intense about your aura.”

Steve allowed himself an eyeroll. “Now you sound like a Wanda knockoff.”

“I’m gonna call her up here if you don’t talk,” she threatened, not as playfully as he’d hoped. “What’s. The. Deal. Yo?”

And the thing of it was…

Steve and Bucky were made to be in so many ways, and one of them, unexpectedly, was their innate sense of privacy about their personal lives. Alone, they were the human embodiment of too much information, flirting and kissing and groping, the full rom-com second act montage when the couple have found their bliss, before it all comes crashing down in a big misunderstanding.

Otherwise, they kept their relationship on lockdown. No one in their lives aside from his ma and Sam Wilson knew things had escalated. They didn’t hold hands where anyone could see them. They only kissed in enclosed spaces. They’d done a circuit of the farmer’s market three times rather than run into Yelena and Kate at the specialty lube stand. (They’d have gone home, but they were all out of the water-based variety Bucky preferred, and Steve wasn’t going to compromise when it came to his guy’s sensitive areas.)

They continued to embody their ‘friends who should probably be more’ personas, but stopped short of confirmation, mostly for Bucky’s sake, although Steve didn’t hate the privacy, either. The MCU-Dubs rumor mill was merciless, and Bucky didn’t deserve that kind of scrutiny while he was figuring out his romantic life, especially from the likes of the gossipy gurus.

Steve probably would have fessed up to Darcy by now, but she’d been visiting her family the week of their first date. They also hadn’t opened together in forever—thank you, increased staff budget—often their only time for heart-to-hearts. And maybe, maybe Steve had selfishly wanted to savor this time with Bucky, before the world intruded with their opinions and expectations and couple goals. Maybe he still couldn’t believe it was real.

But she also wasn’t letting this Benoit Blanc cosplay go anytime soon, so Steve braced himself for the squealing, then unwound his scarf.

“Holy shitballs!” It took Darcy zero parsecs to jump to the right conclusion. “Holy fucking shitballs, Steve! You did the motherfucking thing!”

“We did.” Steve smiled to himself like an idiot. Because Bucky. “Group effort.”

“And you’re good?” He suffered a twinge of guilt, because of course the first thing Darcy asked about what how he was doing. She was an excellent friend. He was a miserly shitheel who’d somehow earned himself a smokeshow prince. “Things are good? He’s treating you right?”

“He’s…” Steve sighed, because how could he explain the everything that was him and Bucky? “I…”

“Wow, wow, wow.” Darcy grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him in her excitement. “You’re speechless! He makes you lose your words.”

“I know.”

“You never lose your words.”

“I know!”

“He painted the freaking Last Supper on the side of your neck with his lips,” she marveled.

“You think? I thought it looked more like—”

“Wait.” Darcy stilled him, dug her nails in deep. “The scarves. You’ve been wearing them for weeks.”

“Uh, yeah, about that…” Steve wished he could tear his eyes away from her hurt expression. “I’m sorry. Really sorry. It happened when you were in Philly—”

“I got a phone, last I checked.”

“You do,” Steve conceded. “But I didn’t have any brain cells to spare, after…”

Her eyes bugged out. “The first date?”

“Yeah,” Steve smirked—sheepish, but a little wicked too. “Buck was as surprised as I was. And ever since… let’s just say, he’s making up for lost time. In a lot of ways.” He murmured, earnest, “I just want everything to be perfect for him. Special. So he can explore in his own time. He’s been through so much. I don’t want the gurus to chew him up and spit him out, you know?”

“Intimately, ugh.” Darcy rolled her eyes. Volt had let Luke know last week that the gurus had a doomsday clock app that ticked down to what they expected would be the implosion of his and Darcy’s relationship. “Okay, forgiven, but conditional. We’re going out for ramen this weekend, and you are going to reconstruct the entire goddamn timeline of your togetherness, complete with diagrams. And you better give me the Coles Notes version while we prep today.”

“I can do you one better.” Never let it be said Steve wasn’t great at improvising, especially when he had an ace like Bucky up his sleeve. “Wanna come over for pizza and beers this Saturday? Impromptu movie night? I’ll see if Bucky’s good with letting Luke into the circle of trust. And you get to meet Alpine, the real star of the show.”

Darcy pretended to consider it, but nothing could suppress her smile for long.

“For such a stubborn bastard, you give good grovel, Rogers.” Despite her concession, she pointed a finger in his face. “I still want details. Explicit details.”

“That’s what breaks are for,” Steve insisted. “By the way, Bucky may have soundproofed your office.”

Her eyebrows shot up. “Do I want to know why?”

“Probably not,” Steve drawled, then gave her back his shit-eating grin, full force. “Just kidding. He said we needed a safe room. He installed a panic button that alerts him to any danger. He’s a little white knight like that.”

“Aww,” Darcy simpered. “You really found someone that ticks all your boxes, huh?”

Steve could only sigh—somewhat like the lovelorn heroine of an eighteenth-century novel—because he really had. He didn’t want to jinx anything by saying the words out loud, didn’t care to summon any of the trickster gods away from their current schemes, but he would do anything and everything to keep the heart of one Bucky Barnes.

“And then some.” Steve slipped into the cowl-neck sweater after all, because he lived to make Bucky smile. “Let me just get a batch of brownies in the oven, and I’ll reconstruct the timeline, Sherlock-styles.”

***

On a cool but otherwise pristine Sunday in late October, Bucky turned his face into the salt-damp wind that whipped in off the ocean. The golden autumn sun played hide-and-seek behind fat, fluffy clouds, dappling the beach beyond the boardwalk with pools of shade. Bucky let his eyelids droop to half-mast, attempted to drown out the screams and squeals of the people riding the death-traps at Luna Park, one of whom was particularly dear to him.

Steve and Darcy wanted to go to Coney Island for the last day of the season, so here he was, bogarting a table at Nathan’s for the better part of the afternoon, with Luke as his stoic, mostly silent companion. At least they made it worth Nathan’s while, having sampled three-quarters of the menu: a steady stream of hot dogs and burgers and heroes and shakes, with generous tips for the bemused staff.

To be fair, Bucky had come to enjoy people-watching, the natural consequence of having expert sniper skills. The late-season Coney crowds proved especially eccentric: the diehard thrill-seekers, the overeager parents fighting their exhaustion, the low-level drug dealers, the exercise junkie couples, the retired mobsters, the over-sugared groups of teenage girls more interested in their phones than the rides, the packs of pimple-studded jocks peacocking at the games, the eyeliner-deep baby queers lined in judgment along the chain-link fence. Only the very obvious tail they’d picked up annoyed him, but it was one of Fury’s more accident-prone flunkies, who used a goddamn bow and arrow instead of a gun, so Bucky let it slide.

If Birdman wanted to watch him and Luke plow their way through a hot honey half-chicken, two pastrami heroes, three Hell’s Kitchen burgers, too many orders of chili-cheese fries, and a bevvy of chocolate shakes, more power to him. Besides, his one-eyed dog was cute.

“Wave.” Luke pointed to the highest point of the Cyclone, where the roller-coaster cars hovered for a precarious minute before plunging down, down, down. “Three more rides, and they’ll be down.”

“Sure.” Bucky blinked to adjust his focus, spotted Steve and Darcy in the front car. “Tell ‘em no rush.”

Steve, all-too-aware of Bucky’s enhancements, signed something to him that Bucky hoped no government satellites could pick up. Still made him blush.

“I’ll wait till they’re back on solid ground.” Luke leaned back as a disbelieving staff member delivered a whole tray of hotdogs to their table. “Just because my baby can G-force text doesn’t mean she should.”

Bucky raised a curious brow. “She tend to follow your advice?”

“Not for one solitary second,” Luke confirmed.

“Good to know it’s not just me.” Bucky divided the hotdogs equally between them, dug in.

Luke watched him in that patient, observant way of his. “You been bulking up lately. It’s good to see.”

It was true. Now that Bucky ate his fill each day, enough to fuel his serum-enhanced metabolism and then some, his muscles had muscles. His chest broadened, his thighs and biceps thickened, his core became taut as a tree trunk, his ass plumped to peachy ripeness, his calves like melons, his balls like plums—a whole fruit salad in his pants, really—and his dick… well, that was one muscle that never seemed to fatigue, especially when Steve was around.

“Still not pumping iron at the crack of dawn with you and the guys,” Bucky grunted, though the compliment made him bashful. “Some of us got personal lives.”

“Hard to miss.” Luke plunked a fry into his mouth, chewed. “How’s that going?”

Bucky licked ketchup off the corner of his mouth as he thought of Steve. “Good. Real good.”

“He treating you right?”

“You worried about my honor or something, Cage?” Bucky drawled, though secretly he was touched.

The Coney Island outing was the third double date in as many weeks with Luke and Darcy, and Bucky—to his own freaking astonishment—discovered that Luke was damn good company. That he had, somewhat improbably, made a second friend. Sage, centered, and soft-spoken, Luke could just be in a way that appealed to Bucky’s hermit sensibilities, the calm to Darcy’s giggle storm.

Better yet, Luke could give as good as he got when it came to ball-busting.

“More like you snapping Rogers in half like a twig,” Luke teased. “He’s a tough little nut, but he doesn’t have our stamina.”

That got Bucky’s attention. “Our?”

“Wilson didn’t tell you?” He popped another fry to keep Bucky in suspense, the jackass. “Isaiah Bradley’s my grandfather on my mother’s side.” 

That knocked Bucky for six, but he pretended only mild shock. “You’re shitting me.”

“Really not.”

“And you… take after him?”

“You could say that.” Luke winked at him, the bastard. “We should arm-wrestle sometime.”

Bucky raised a dubious brow. “Flesh or metal?”

“Please.” Luke eyed him over the rim of his shake. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you doing those shoulder rotations after you lift something heavy. You got anyone who can service that thing?”

“Nope.” Bucky popped the ‘P’, wary as hell of where this was going. “Killed ‘em all.”

“Stark.”

“No go.” Bucky shoved the rest of his hotdog into his mouth, though he could barely taste it through the bile. “Given his fundamental disregard for human decency.”

“Meaning?”

“He’s such a huge asshole I’m surprised they can’t see him from space.”

“Gotcha.” Luke took a long, noisy slurp. “I’m not here to tell you your business, but Steve’s gonna put it together eventually, if he hasn’t already. It really hasn’t come up, you know, in the sack?”

“Serum-spiked dopamine.” Bucky smirked like a dope, despite himself. And his dick twitched, insatiable as ever. “Hell of a thing.”

“Tell me about it,” Luke chuckled, low and naughty.

Which—Bucky hadn’t realized until that moment that there might be benefits to knowing another enhanced individual. That he and Luke might have more in common than he first thought.

“If you don’t mind my asking…” He cleared his throat, twice. Luke being enhanced didn’t make it any easier to talk about this stuff. “How does Darcy deal with your, er, stamina?”

He didn’t think he’d ever seen Luke smirk before. “Well, she’s a woman, so…”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “There’s gotta be times when you’re a bit too much for her.”

“More like the opposite,” Luke chuckled. “We’re well matched, I’ll say that. But Steve…” He paused, choosing his words with care. “He seems like the stubborn sort.”

“You got no idea.”

“Have you two talked about it?”

“Not in so many words,” Bucky conceded. “It’s new, this thing between us, so we’re both really into it right now. But later, when things settle down…”

Luke nodded. “For him.”

“Yeah,” Bucky sighed heavily. “But even now… Even if I’m not…” He raised a fist, which needed no explanation. “I just wanna devour him.” He licked his lips, as if Steve’s taste still lingered there. “I never felt this way before. Didn’t think I could.”

“I’m glad, Bucky.” Luke beamed at him like a proud papa. “Seriously happy for you, man.” And like a true friend should, he gave the matter due thought before adding, “As for Steve… He knows what he got into, tangling with you. Just talk to him. You might be surprised how ready, willing, and able he is to keep up, in his own way.”

“That’s kinda what I’m afraid of.” Bucky let out a tortured breath, shook his head. “That he’ll run himself into the ground chasing me.”

Luke smiled enigmatically. “Then let yourself be caught.” His phone pinged. He canted his body in the direction of the Thunderbolt. “Wave.”

High above the park, Steve and Darcy hung upside down. Thus, it took Bucky’s brain a few extra seconds to decipher Steve’s latest bawdy missive. It didn’t make him flush any less red.

He focused back in on Luke, who could not read ASL, but who saw the truth on Bucky’s overheated face.

“Think the two of you are gonna be just fine,” he commented, as he started in on his umpteenth hotdog. “And don’t think I didn’t notice you changing the subject. What are you gonna do about your arm?”

Bucky scowled down at his cheesesteak dog. This being a well-adjusted person thing blew chunks.

“Talk to Steve,” he muttered in concession.

“Whaddya know.” Luke grinned, like the smartass he was. “Looks like you can teach an old dog—”

“Only dogs here are for eating, Cage.” Bucky bit the cheesesteak dog in half, just because he could. “By my count, you still got two to go.”

“Oh, that’s how it’s gonna be, huh?”

“That’s how it is,” Bucky growled, mouth full. “See if you can keep up.”

Luke laughed, a deep, rich sound that resonated through the whole Nathan’s outdoor seating area.

“Challenge accepted.” He snatched three more hotdogs for his plate. “If you promise to entertain me with the unclassified version of my grand-pappy’s adventures. I hear he got around.”

“You can say that again.” To his surprise, Bucky found himself warming to the topic. “This one time in Provence, we camped out at this vineyard run by the leader of the resistance…”

***

Whenever Steve thought he came close to decrypting the next-level puzzle box that was James Buchanan Barnes, war hero, legendary assassin, and preternaturally caring boyfriend, he only managed to unlock another layer of complexity and repressed trauma.

Case in point: The gloomiest Sunday in all existence. Fog so dense it was like crossing the street in a blindfold. So gray-out thick that his self-appointed personal bodyguard—aka Bucky—escorted him to the bagel place down the block for brunch with Darcy, even though Steve didn’t have to navigate a single intersection. In defiance, he refused to text Bucky to let him know they were done, instead making his tipsy way back—bottomless mimosas, mmm—all on his own. And if he had to use a few fence posts to keep himself upright, only the fog would know.

He returned to find Bucky locked up in the Secrety Secret Room Verboten to Steve, which brought on a funk. Bucky was allowed his privacy, his personal things—of course he was—except that he really wasn’t, because Steve was privy to his truth and his history and the dangers therein and he worried. Bucky could be having a full-on panic attack in there, or a nightmare, or worse, and Steve would be upstairs wrestling with the glitter gun while his beloved one was in crisis.

It was a problem.

One that his champagne-soaked brain was too fizzed-out to solve, so he left several sexy Post-It note doodles all over Bucky’s apartment, lured Alpine up to the living room, sobered up by splaying out on the couch while dangling her fishing rod toy out for her to chase. Once she’d caught it a few times, they retreated to his bedroom, Steve to his art nook and Alpine to the window to paw at the droplets of rain.

Rain, rain, rain. A deluge of rain, so much that the backyard soon resembled a swamp. A fierce thunderclap rocked the building, sent Alpine scurrying under the bed; still Bucky remained in the cursed room. Maybe huddled in a corner, reliving the hell of the war. Maybe wringing his hands till they bled while lost in a flashback. Maybe doing something totally mundane, so boring that he was scared Steve would break up with him if he found out about his welding hobby or his penchant for painting toy soldiers or his obsession with model trains or whatever, and that was why he kept it behind closed doors.

The possibilities were, alas, endless, unlike Steve’s reserves of patience.

Maybe if he could goddamn art, he wouldn’t be so distracted. But his semester-long project for his non-healthcare-space design class was going, in a word, poorly. Steve had a vision. He just could not for the life of him translate that vision onto the canvass. He’d researched a variety of techniques. He’d consulted some of his classmates. He’d stained two of his favorite hoodies beyond repair. But he couldn’t match the image in his mind with rudimentary tools. Maybe he needed to call in a sorcerer.

(One of the zillion adorable things about Bucky: he had strong opinions about the difference between magicians and sorcerers and wizards. “Only two exist, and only one can kill you, Stevie, so you gotta be precise with that shit.”)

When the plink-plonk of hail on the balcony proved to be too much of an annoyance, Steve took a step back from his canvas to evaluate the new layering technique a professor had suggested. It looked like utter chaos. Jackson Pollock, Steve was not. He plopped his brush into the turpentine, ripped off his apron, launched himself at the bed. He starfished his limbs out for Alpine to use as an obstacle course, stared at the constellations of glow-in-the-dark stickers he’d made to soothe Bucky after a nightmare, since he didn’t like waking Steve up.

(A compromise—Steve, as always, wanted to help, but tended to be a deep sleeper.)

Alpine soon tired of the jumping thing, the mattress too soft. Instead, she treated Steve’s legs like mini-balance beams, padding up and down, up and down. Steve played a game with himself, imagining what could be in the Secret Verboten room—a Starkified home gym; an armory; an arcade—when he heard the front door creak, the ruffle of an umbrella. His ma, most probably, confirmed by the sound of her signature shuffle across the kitchen tiles. Steve considered joining her, but then she’d only accuse him of being in “a strop”, and of course she wouldn’t be wrong, so he continued to glare impotently at his imperfect rendering of Orion above.

He must have dozed for a bit. Maybe longer than a bit. When Steve next opened his eyes, Alpine curled up on his chest like a fluffy white throw pillow, the ember glow of twilight streaked across the ceiling, and Bucky sat cross-legged at the top of the bed, leaning against the headboard. A book lay open on one mighty thigh, but Bucky wasn’t reading it, wasn’t even looking in its direction. A bowl of fresh fruit pretty as a still life waited on the night table—Bucky’s metabolism forced him to snack between meals—but it appeared untouched. Some specter, some weight, some elemental pressure haunted the bedroom, hovered over Bucky like a shroud.

Motherfucking secrets, Steve grumbled to himself, before reaching a hand up to pinch one of Bucky’s toes.

Bucky startled.

He never startled.

“Hey, handsome.” Steve carefully withdrew his hand. No sudden movements, he’d learned, when Bucky was like this. “You okay?”

Bucky opened his mouth, but seemed at a loss for a reply. When he shut it again, he settled into a frown. He nestled the bookmark in between pages to keep his place, set the book on the nightstand under the fruit bowl. To Steve’s surprise, Bucky scooted down to lie beside him. He snuggled into Steve’s side, mindful of Alpine, then buried his face in his neck.

It was the Bucky equivalent of DEFCON 3. (If they ever reached DEFCON 5, there might not be a brownstone left standing.)

Steve angled his arm so that he could rub Bucky’s back, no easy feat given Bucky had the wingspan of the Colossus of Rhodes. He pressed his cheek into his crown of velvety hair, now somehow softer and shinier than before due to the one-two punch of good health and access to quality hair products. Bucky anchored an arm around Steve’s waist, just a touch too tightly for comfort, which told him everything about Bucky’s state of mind. But he could take it, Steve could take anything Bucky dished out and more, his one and only, his singular love.

“Talk to me, Buck,” Steve murmured, hoping if he said it quietly, Bucky might listen.

“Can’t.”

“Because that would make it real?”

A wary sigh. “You’re too goddamned perceptive for your own good, you know that?”

Steve shrugged. “Gift and a curse.” When no smartass response came, he added, “Wanna get some cocoa?”

“Yeah, but I wanna cuddle more.”

He groaned inwardly. The things he did for his man.

“So carry me.” Steve fought to maintain a measured, caring tone. He hated being treated like a doll.

Bucky’s head popped up. “You’re serious?”

“Try me.”

He considered that for a long moment, considered Steve. Then, Bucky just… deflated.

“Nah, you hate that shit.” Bucky hoisted himself up into a seated position, bowed his head. With the defiant resignation of the condemned, he rose to his feet, marched out of the room.

After easing Alpine onto the mattress, Steve hurried to follow.

He did not like this. Not one bit. He found Bucky at the stove, speeding through the motions of making hot cocoa, like he did sometimes when preoccupied, not realizing he deployed his enhanced abilities. Though the milk didn’t heat any faster as a result, a plate of cookies materialized before Steve could climb onto his stool, soon joined by slices of the brown sugar and nut cake his ma had baked the day before. But two could play this level of tactical chess. Steve snatched the plate up while Bucky busied himself with stirring the melted chocolate into the milk pot, carried it into the living room. Rearranged the blankets and pillows on the couch to direct Bucky into a certain position, one that assured Steve would be in reach if he needed him.

Something was rotten in the state of Bucky, and Steve recognized that no good would come from not having it out.    

Bucky betrayed no hint of frustration when he carried their two mugs in, set them on the coffee table—battle stations. He even bundled into the couch peaceably enough, nudging certain pillows away so that he could sit cross-legged, but left his mug untouched. Wrung his hands in his lap instead, a tic only recently returned to him. A sign, Sam Wilson had explained, of how himself he felt with Steve.

He clung to that as he waited Bucky out. Sipped through half his cocoa, ate two cookies, eyed a slice of cake. If this was going to be as bad as he thought, he needed sugar. He needed strength.

He needed a level of patience he didn’t have, because after twenty minutes of silence, Steve prompted, “Buck.”

Bucky curled even further into himself, if that was possible. “I have to go away for a while.”

“What?” All of that sugar suddenly threatened to come back up. “Why?” But Steve heard himself as he hard-swallowed it back down. Reached out to Bucky across the pillows, hand open, in case he wanted to grasp it. “Let me try that again. Can you help me understand what’s going on?”

Bucky cradled Steve’s hand in both of his, to the point Steve’s knuckles cracked. He decreased the pressure by weaving their fingers together, but did not let go.

“I’ve been having problems with my arm,” he confessed, voice thick with emotion.

With fear, Steve intuited, heart breaking all over again for all that Bucky had been through. He just couldn’t figure out if Bucky was afraid of Steve or for Steve, which usually helped him sort through the problem.

“What kind of problems, Buck?” Steve asked softly, so softly.

“Pain.” Bucky cowered, as if anticipating a blow.

Steve wanted to sob his eyes out. “You make some sort of appointment with Stark? Can he fix it?”

“Stevie.” Bucky looked up at him then, and Steve would never forget the naked shame on his face. Pleading, Bucky was pleading with him. Steve had never seen him so terrified before. “Stark didn’t make my arm.”

It took everything in him not to recoil from what Bucky was saying. To keep his grip strong and steady, to gaze into his forlorn blue eyes, which had witnessed atrocities no one should ever have to witness, especially when they were being committed on his own goddamned body.

It required zero effort to love him through it all.

“Your captors?” Steve asked, though he already knew the answer. Bucky nodded. “Tell me you’re not thinking of going back to them for a tune-up.”

His blue eyes bugged out. “No!” He blew out a long, winding breath. “They’re not exactly around anymore. I made sure of that.” If Steve had been standing, his knees would have buckled with relief. “I’m going to Wakanda.”

“Oh.” Steve could feel his brow furrowing. “That’s… far. But kind of cool.” The tension in his shoulders eased. Maybe this wasn’t such a bad thing after all. “And they can help you there? They know what to do?”

“My friend Shuri is basically a genius,” Bucky elaborated. “She built me a new arm.”

Steve stilled. “As in Crown Princess Shuri?”

“Y-Yeah.” Bucky’s fingers twitched. It didn’t take a psychic to realize if they had been free, he would have been wringing them. “My captors, they… they put all sorts of bullshit into my brain, so that they could call me back if I ever escaped. Trigger words, to incapacitate me.”

Steve wanted to scream. He wanted to scream so loud it shattered every window, scared off the thunder, shook the world.

“Part of my release deal was getting rid of those,” Bucky continued, “so Sam took me to Wakanda. My captors stole the vibranium for my arm from Wakanda back in the ‘40s, so part of rehabilitating me was showing them a better way. A kinder way. And maybe a bit of revenge, too.” Bucky chuckled weakly. “Shuri and T’Challa, I can never repay them. More than anyone, more than even Sam, they gave me back to myself. And… it’s just nice there. I really like it. Almost stayed, but it’s just not home, you know?”

“Definitely not home now,” Steve croaked, overcome by the everything of what Bucky had been through. “I really wanna hug you. Can I?” Shock hit him in the face like a two-by-four. “Will it hurt if I do?”

“Hugs don’t hurt,” Bucky reassured him. “But are you sure—”

Steve scrambled into Bucky’s lap before he could protest further, threw his arms around his neck. Despite his protests—and because he knew his man—Steve avoided Bucky’s left side, resulting in a lopsided hug that nevertheless made him feel like he could finally breathe again.

The Wakandans had helped him before. They’d take care of him now. They admired him so much, they’d built him a new arm. How could Steve be upset about that?

But as he clung to Bucky, as he strung a trail of tender kisses down the side of his face, as he massaged the scars on his left shoulder with the lightest of touches… Steve had a serious think about the whole situation. About the omission of certain details. About the deliberate diversion away from others. He respected Bucky’s privacy, especially when it came to his trauma—he did, he did—but also knew Bucky better than anyone. And Bucky would do anything to keep from hurting Steve.

He sat back in Bucky’s lap, fixed him with his most low-key glare. “What kind of pain we talking about here?”

Bucky flinched, another tic recently resurrected from his early years personality. One that Steve had come to learn meant that he’d been caught out.

“The kind I didn’t even know I was in until things started feeling so good.” Credit to Bucky, he never cowered or shrunk back from admitting he’d done something wrong. Military training had some perks. “You gotta understand, Stevie, they trained me so I wouldn’t be bothered by it. I thought it was normal to feel that way.”

Steve’s eyebrows raised into his hairline. “Until we started going to bed together?”

“Yeah.” Bucky cleared his throat. “That, and just being around you. Eating enough. Exercise. Process of elimination, in a way. When all the other aches got quiet, I could finally hear this one.”

Still didn’t stop Steve from wishing he could scream his lungs out. “And what is Shuri gonna do? Repair it?”

“Full replacement.” Bucky wilted at that, for every reason Steve could imagine and probably more. “That’s why it’s gonna take so long. But she walked me through the whole procedure—”

“That means brain surgery,” Steve blurted. And he was done, he was done, he was so done being patient. He finally perceived the full scope of what was happening here, and he did not like it one bit. “You told me the arm is connected to your—” Bucky shrank back a bit, but Steve couldn’t stop himself from shouting, “You’re going to Wakanda so they can mess with your brain?! All by yourself! After everything you’ve been through?!”

“Stevie—”

“I’m coming.” Before he’d even said the words, Steve felt the rightness of them. No way Bucky was going to suffer through another insane, dehumanizing procedure and recovery process without someone there by his side. To advocate for him. To hold him. To call him back to himself.

“I can’t ask you to do that,” Bucky whispered. Which would have been a lot more convincing if he hadn’t just started to tremble.

Steve hugged him again, fiercely, immaculately. “I love you, Buck. Like love-love. I’m not letting you do this alone. I’m gonna be there, every day, reminding you of what’s waiting on the other side.”

Hesitant arms wove around him, as if Bucky worried that if he clung to Steve, he might disappear. Steve cinched him in all the tighter, until the trembling stopped, until Bucky completed the embrace, until the dampness at his neck soaked through his sweater.

Until Bucky crowned the moment with a breath-stealing kiss. “I love you, too.”

“Good.” The fire of righteous fury still lit Steve from within—along with a lot of shiny feelings—but he banked it for Bucky’s sake. “‘Cause I got plans for us, Buck. Big plans. So you better plan on sticking around.”

Bucky pressed their brows together, vowed, “Nowhere else I’d rather be.”

Steve stole another, longer, deeper kiss. “Think you can manage your cocoa now?”

“Please.”

He didn’t go far, cuddling into Bucky’s side so that they could both cradle their cups, and each other. Steve fed Bucky pieces of brown sugar and nut cake between sips, until the color returned to his cheeks, his posture slouched into full comfort. But Steve still had more questions than answers, so he decided to push a bit.

“Princess Shuri gonna have a problem with me being there, you think?”

“You kidding?” Bucky smirked wryly. “She’s gonna be over the moon. First thing she said when I told her about you was that she wanted to meet you.”

“Makes two of us, now that I know you two are close.” Steve pinched Bucky’s side, because really. They might be gone for each other, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t work on their communication skills. “How much time do we have before we gotta leave? Please don’t say tomorrow.”

Bucky shook his head. “Me and Wilson got some work to do to get me ready. What would be easiest, for school, for work?”

“Buck, I don’t care about that—"

“I care about you,” he insisted. “I’m not letting you torch your life to do this. We take our time, figure it out.” He smeared chocolatey lips across Steve’s temple. “You even got a passport?”

“Expired,” Steve grumbled. And because he was desperate to make this work, “I could take next semester off, maybe, if I agree to do summer classes. The Fiend… I’d have to talk to Wanda and Pietro.”

“Leave them to me.” Bucky spoke with such authority that Steve arched a brow in his direction. “Let’s just say I did them a big-ass favor, once upon a time. The kind you can’t ever repay in full.” That got him even more curious, so Bucky diverted with, “And I don’t know if you noticed, but they freaking adore you.”

Steve scoffed. “They got a funny way of showing it.”

“They do.” Bucky spoke with a strange conviction. “Someone I used to know liked to say, ‘Hard to learn your manners when you’ve been raised by wolves.’”

He raised a curious brow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Bucky shrugged. “Somone taught ‘em all that mystical self-empowerment bullshit. In my experience, good people don’t do indoctrination.” While Steve stewed on that one, Bucky diverted. “What about Ma?”

That caught Steve short. He opened his mouth to answer, but, for the first time in his life, wasn’t sure what to say. He didn’t want to go back on the promise he’d just made to Bucky, but he also didn’t feel great about leaving her all that time.

“Can she come?” The more seconds Steve bothered to think about it, the more that seemed like the best solution.

Bucky smiled a patient, indulgent smile in his direction, as if Steve was a prized pupil who’d just passed a vital test. “Think the real question is, how do we convince her to tag along?”

Steve shot him a shit-eating one back. “Sounds like a job for Captain America.”

The scowl he got in response looked so damn kissable, Steve couldn’t resist for long. They lounged around for the rest of the evening, elaborating on their nascent plans, until Steve gathered up enough courage to ask…

“Buck, now that you love me and all.” Steve batted his not inconsiderable eyelashes, in the hopes of mesmerizing Bucky. “Can I see the Secrety Secret Room?”

It was Bucky’s turn to blink. “The what?”

“Your lair or whatever.” Steve fought to keep the resentment from his voice. Failed. “At the end of the hall, with the retinal scanner.”

“My—” The scowl deepened. “Stevie—”

“Please don’t say it’s classified.”

“It’s—” Bucky sighed. “Well…”

Steve’s heels tensed as his stubborn kicked up. “Or just tell me what you do in there.”

Bucky barked out a laugh. “You accusing me of stepping out on you, Stevie? Think I got a secret porn stash or something?”

“If you do,” Steve leered, “you’d better share.”

He snorted, blushed, shook his head. The Bucky Barnes trifecta.

“It’s just a bunch of tech,” he explained, after several false starts. “I keep an eye on… certain things. I’m not in the game anymore—I promise you that. But you never know what might come crawling out of the swamp one day, and I just… I wanna be ready.”

Steve absorbed this as he scarfed down the last cookie, unsure how upset he should be about it. If he should be anything but proud at the lengths Bucky went to, to keep them safe.

“So you’re saying you don’t use it to call your secret Wakandan girlfriend,” Steve teased.

“Shuri’s twenty!” Bucky protested. Adorably, it should be said. “I’m already pushing it in the May-December department with you.”

“Don’t think seven years makes much of a difference when the other person is…” Steve furrowed his brow. “How old do you think you are, Buck?”

“Old enough to know better.” Bucky smirked, pure mischief. “Young enough to try it anyway, ‘cause what the hell? I made it this far.” He pressed their foreheads together, breathed in deep. “To my place. To my person.”

“Sap,” Steve taunted without heat, but it made his insides go gooey all the same.

“You love it.” Bucky Barnes now and forever had his number.

“That I do.”

End of Chapter 8

Chapter Text

Chapter 9 – Wakanda Together

Life can change in the blink of an eye. No one knew that better than James Buchanan Barnes, history’s plaything. One day you’re a charming, affable mechanic eking out enough of an existence to support your ma and three sisters in 1940s Brooklyn. The next, you’re swallowing down a miasma of emotions as you stare at your draft card. A year later, you’re introduced to the band of lovable jerks who’d become known as the Howling Commandos when you’re rescued by none other than Captain America. Then, three months shy of V-E Day, you’re plummeting to your death off a train.

One day you surrender the last speck of your free will to your torturers. The next, you wake up for the first time that century when an old friend says your name. Somehow, you find the strength to go scorched earth on your captors. Somehow, you come back to yourself. Somehow, you return to being a now-surly mechanic eking out enough of an existence to be officially called a functional person in 2010s Brooklyn.

Somehow, you fall head-over-heels for a strident blond barista, who invites you into his home, into his heart, to share his life, with all its tangles and twists and complications.

Somehow, you find yourself surrounded by a whole room full of people you know at the coziest Christmas party you’ve ever attended (that you remember), sipping eggnog and munching on candy cane cookies in a snowflake-themed sweater while watching your uber-competitive boyfriend engage in a heated gingerbread house decorating contest.

A yearly Christmas Eve tradition in the Rogers household, three teams of combatants gathered at stations across the kitchen and dining room to assemble their gingerbread houses. Each worked from the same starter decorating kit and pre-baked gingerbread structure. Each had a budget of $50 for extras—candies, cookies, sprinkles, chocolate, glitter. All elements must be edible. All characters must be of indeterminate gender. Sarah, who didn’t care to participate, had been appointed head judge and scrapbooker-in-chief.

Bucky flipped through photographs of previous competitions from his favorite armchair, hauled up from the basement. A playlist of Christmas classics almost drowned out the trash talk volleyed from team to team: Luke, Logan, and Volt at the kitchen island (Bucky would put serious money on them building a tricked-out Santa sleigh); Yelena and Kate at the window side of the dining room table; Steve and Darcy at the far end. Sarah, who’d moved the rocking chair in from her bedroom to more comfortably enjoy the proceedings, swayed contentedly beside him, petting Alpine, curled up in her lap.

With only an hour left, the participants scrambled to add details large and small to their structures, the little touches that brought the scene to life. Yelena added stained-glass elements to what appeared to be a giant disco ball while Kate attached headphones to their non-binary Santa DJ, which fit their ‘New Year’s Rave’ theme. Every so often, Luke popped his head into the room to ask Sarah for some unlikely tool—Bucky would bet serious money his fellow unoriginal meatheads were making a Christmas auto-body shop. Steve and Darcy had curtained off their workspace, so all Bucky saw of Steve was the occasional jut of his ass between the folds—no complaints—and all he heard from Darcy were strings of curses so vulgar that even seen-it-all Sarah Rogers shook her head in dismay.

Bucky shut the old scrapbook, set it down in his lap, heart full and heavy and achy, all at once. Images of the Rogers’ happiest memories floated through his mind like champagne bubbles: Joseph and Sarah, surrounded by friends, with infant Steve cradled between them; Steve at ten hoisting up the trophy for his first solo win; Steve going full grinch over a loss as a sulky teenager; Steve bussing Sarah’s baby chick head under the mistletoe, her hair only starting to grow back after her illness. Dozens of unknown faces beamed in the background, thrilled to be a part of the celebrations, to bask in the light of the Rogers’ care.

He felt an answering flame kindle to life in his chest. He glanced over at Sarah, only to find her keen gray eyes already observing him, full of an emotion that made his heart ache all the more.

“Do you still believe in Santa Claus, Bucky love?” The quicksilver glint in her eyes resembled the flint he loved so well in Steve’s, whenever he became incensed over some perceived injustice. Sarah’s version was softer, mercurial.

Bucky snorted. “Not sure I ever did. It’s all a bit of a haze, but I don’t think I grew up Catholic.”

“And all the better for it.” He didn’t fail to catch the faint bitterness in her tone. “But surely even an agnostic can stump for old Saint Nick.”

He considered this a while. “Before this year, I didn’t think I believed in miracles. But now…” His gaze drifted, as it always did, back to Steve. Specifically, Steve’s pert, perfect little bottom, which may have borne the imprint of Bucky’s hands after some overzealous clutching while he deep-throated him that morning. “Now, I’m here, and…”

Sarah smiled, tender, knowing. “Everything’s in its right place.”

Bucky nodded, too overcome to speak. One last mountain to climb, and he’d be on top of the world. A whole person again.

A brittle crack sounded behind the curtain, followed by a cacophony of hair-raising curses.

Sarah’s smile widened. “These friends of yours, do they know what they’ve signed up for, inviting Steven along?”

“They’ve been briefed, yeah,” Bucky chuckled, fond. “But if you’re worried—”

“Oh, don’t start all that up again,” she huffed. “Stuff and nonsense, the pair of you.”

“Won’t be the same without you, Ma.” Never let it be said that Bucky wasn’t an expert at twisting knives, whether real or metaphorical.

“And I imagine it’ll be quite lonely here as well,” Sarah acknowledged, and Bucky heard the warning behind it. “Having you here has brought life back to this house in ways I don’t think you fully appreciate, Bucky dear.”

He let out a soft gasp. It struck him deep and strange, the sense of accomplishment, of value. Steve and Sarah had done so much for him. He’d never even dreamt he could do something so significant for them in return.

“Even though my story had a happy ending, the specter of our darkest moments haunted Steven well after it was all said and done.” Sarah pet Alpine’s downy fur, but it didn’t take a mind-reader to imagine the flaxen head of her son in the cat’s place. “He deserves his own adventures. To learn how to be a true partner to you, without a security blanket. I’ll always be here to counsel him—always. And if something goes awry, I’ll be on the first plane out. But the two of you have to blaze your trail together.”

Bucky swallowed hard, still not trusting himself to speak. The Rogers tended to have this effect on him, like mother, like son. And in case Bucky had cause to wonder where Steve got his stubbornness from…

“Christmas in Ireland next year—that, I don’t care to miss,” Sarah decreed. “You’ll see to all the arrangements, won’t you, Bucky love? My dear niece is organizing a family reunion, of all things, at some castle near Connemara. Have to book it out over a year in advance, it’s that popular. Never you mind the McNultys and the Hewsons and the Birthistles are from County Cork—she’s making us trek all the way to Galway! The cheek of it, I tell you!”

“Ma, we fly in through Dublin anyway,” came an exasperated voice from behind the curtain. “We can swing down to Cork no problem. It’ll be a nice drive out to Connemara.”

“The only reason you have fond memories of your cousins is because you were seventeen the last time they visited, and they took you out to that bar.”

“It was a pub!”

“It was a bar,” Sarah insisted behind her hand to Bucky, but loud enough for Steve to hear all the same. “They have five and eight years on him. He was completely starstruck.”

Bucky furrowed his brow, taken aback by the fact that the Rogers had Irish relations, something no one had bothered to mention up to now. “Are they famous or something?”

“Might as well have been.” Sarah rolled her eyes. “They’re Joe’s sister’s kids, and they have memories of him from before we moved over here, so you can imagine. Steve followed them around like an eager little pup. Wanted to know everything.”

“I did not!” Steve popped up out of the curtain tent, holding a frosting bag like a firehose. Sprinkles dappled his hair, which stuck up in all directions, highlighted here and there by streaks of icing. He looked delectable and adorable, and Bucky couldn’t wait to get him alone. “You pushed me to get to know them better.”

“There was no pushing that I recall, my dearest darling,” Sarah chuckled. “I may have nudged you with a feather.”

“Revisionist history,” Steve grumbled, then dove back in. “Don’t listen to her, Buck!”

Bucky and Sarah shared a commiserating look.

After a fortifying sip of eggnog, he felt solid enough to comment, “I wonder where my… where I’m from?”

Sarah’s expression turned thoughtful as she resumed rocking in her chair. “Surely some intrepid historian has done all the legwork for you on that score. Have you not found anything in Joe’s collection?”

“They’re mostly about Isaiah and the war,” Bucky explained. “The rest was just stuff I already knew. From Brooklyn—duh—and a bit about my parents and sisters. And even that… Something didn’t feel right.”

She frowned. “Not right like they were leaving something out?”

“Maybe,” Bucky sighed.

“More like the military industrial complex censored whatever didn’t fit the heroic image of Captain America and his faithful Commandos,” Steve barked out, the eavesdropper.

“That, too,” Bucky conceded. “Part of why I never did any research. If they went to that kind of trouble—”

“What’s to stop them from altering official records.” Sarah nodded, unimpressed. “One day, my dearest darling, I’ll come across one of the men who wronged you and make them very sorry indeed.”

Bucky smiled into his lap, sheepish. “Aww, Ma.”

“In the meantime, I don’t see what’s stopping you looking them up, if you feel comfortable enough to do that.”

Her words caught Bucky short. To stall for time, he asked, “Look who up?”

“Your relations, Bucky dear.” Sarah scooped Alpine up and plunked her onto his shoulder, before rising to refresh their eggnog. “Those sisters of yours had children, and their children had children. Someone about must know the real story behind your heritage, at the very least.”

After that mic drop, Sarah meandered off to the kitchen. Bucky flopped back in his chair, feeling like he’d gone ten rounds with a frost giant. Alpine slipped down to his legs, began to knead furiously at his thigh. Bucky didn’t even mind the tiny needle stabs of her claws on his flannel pajama bottoms, lost to the recesses of his mind.

It had come up, of course it had come up during his recovery, the idea of getting into back-channel contact with Becca and Winnie and Rosie’s descendants. Sam had even suggested suing the government for information at one point, but the Black Widow had advised against it, since that would only encourage them to delete whatever records remained on their internal spy servers that much faster. And in the end, Bucky hadn’t been sure what he even had to offer them, other than the stomach-churning knowledge of what had happened to him and a dried-out husk of a man.

But now, with Steve, he was learning to be strong. To be brave. To love and be loved. Now, he had a life and a family of his own to share. And maybe they’d really like some tricked-out headlights on their sports utility vehicles.

“One minute left,” Sarah alerted the competitors. She positioned herself between the kitchen and dining rooms, the better to observe all teams.

Bucky stood as soon as they all began to chant the final countdown in unison, grateful the noise disturbed Alpine enough that she hopped off his leg. The oven timer trilled; all competitors rose from their stations, hands in the air. Sarah grabbed a clipboard off the counter, then wandered around, doing her inspection. Everyone moved into the kitchen to watch her judge Luke, Logan, and Volt’s work—all except for Steve.

He reached a hand out toward Bucky, one he’d never fail to take.

“Hey.” Steve strung Bucky’s arm around his shoulders, tucked into his side. “You okay? That family stuff seemed intense. I can talk to Ma about—”

“No,” Bucky stated with conviction. “We’re family now. We need to… share stuff. And maybe…” He swallowed hard—the idea of it still daunted him. But like Wilson said, anything worth doing was worth doing right. “Maybe it’s time.”

“You mean when we get back, right?” Steve nudged both figuratively and literally, pinching his hip. “You better not be backing out on Shuri. She’ll never let you hear the end of it.”

Steve and Shuri may have become acquainted over video conference the week before. They may have gotten along like a house on fire, such that they blew up each other’s phones on the daily ever since, much to Bucky’s… honestly, he wasn’t sure how to feel about it. Relieved? Wary? Terrified?

“When we get back,” Bucky confirmed. They were T-minus ten days from departure, after all. “Ish. Gonna wait to see how… how everything feels, after.”

“Oh, there’s gonna be all sorts of things to feel.” Steve eyebrows slanted in that devilish way that drove Bucky wild. “What was it Shuri said about increased sensitivity? I can’t wait to test out those new censors.”

“Stevie,” Bucky grumbled, pretending to be annoyed because he would not get an erection in the middle of this cozy Christmas party. He would not.

“Later,” Steve promised in his bedroom rumble as he tugged him toward the table. “Hey, want a sneak preview of our holiday masterpiece?”

“Sure.” Bucky would do just about anything at that point to avoid public embarrassment.

Except everything conspired to play his memory strings like a harp, because Steve swooped back the curtain tent to reveal a snowbound 1940s-themed Brooklyn street fashioned in gingerbread, complete with the candy version of familiar storefronts, old-fashioned signs with Christmas lights, and sleek licorice cars. Ginger-people decorated in the styles of the day strolled around dollops of snow frosting along the sugar glass sidewalk. Steve and Darcy had even made a picture house with a marquee advertising The Shop Around the Corner and Babes in Toyland.

“Merry Christmas, Buck,” Steve murmured up from under his arm, “even if you don’t officially celebrate.”

“Oh, I don’t know, Stevie.” Bucky tore his eyes away from the legit gingerbread masterpiece to lock into his favorite pair of steely blues. “Think I’m feeling that holiday spirit after all.”

***

Two weeks later, all thought of snow, winter, celebrations, eggnog, and holiday cheer blurred into sepia-toned memory, another photo collage in his ma’s scrapbook.

Steve stood on the verdant banks of a crystalline river, watching a pair of exotic birds skim along the surface, a dance of feathers and flight. A range of misty mountains, lush with equatorial jungle, encircled the remote village from all sides. Little more than a haze of golden clouds, the sun skirted their peaks. A series of earth-toned huts—like an ancient sculpture’s craggy teeth—lined the shore to his left all the way to the foothills beyond, surrounded by fields of tall, bountiful grass, on which all manner of creature grazed. Steve had spotted goats and cows and camels, but also rhinos, water buffalo, gazelles, and even a few elephants on the walk from the landing strip, each with a painted bracelet in the colors of the tribe to which they belonged.

Wakanda wasn’t just halfway across the world—it was another universe. Though his overstimulated brain enjoyed the quiet solitude of White Wolf’s hut—that name alone example enough of all the things Steve had had to wrap his head around over the past three days—he couldn’t wait to explore Birnin Zana, Warrior Falls, Mount Bashenga, and the Hall of Kings. The leader of the Jabari tribe invited them to stay for a weekend, and the River Tribe elders were eager to take them on a boat tour. Every minute Steve found something else to add to his ever-growing list, from contributing a mosaic to the Border Tribe’s visitors’ mural to picnicking at a coffee plantation to exploring a vibranium mine.

To his surprise and delight, every single person they met seemed to have the deepest respect for Bucky, embracing him as if he were a long-lost family member. Even the stoic general of the Dora Milage cracked a huge smile when Bucky suggested a sparring session to wear him out on the day of his surgery—Steve prayed they rescheduled, because he didn’t have the fortitude to witness something like that then not touch Bucky intimately for the better part of a month.

The more he learned about Wakanda, the more Steve began to wonder just why Bucky had left this place that offered him such peace and welcome. He tried not to dwell on it, preferring instead to be grateful that Bucky had come home, they had met, and Steve now had this amazing opportunity to be here with him. But as Bucky’s laughter echoed out over the water from the playground where some local kids—and kidds—schooled him on the Wakandan form of soccer, which somehow involved goats, Steve couldn’t help but reflect on how further along Bucky might be in his recovery if he’d stayed.

On the kind of future they might share, if they both dared to dream.

*

Underrated—lounging on a giant, multicolored bean bag couch thing with your shirtless boyfriend by a campfire in the Wakandan wilderness, post-coital. Five-star rated—making slow and sensuous love to said boyfriend under a midnight blue sky lousy with stars. The firelight burnished Bucky’s skin a lustrous bronze, made his eyes glow with jewel-like phosphorescence. Steve sprawled on top of him, lazy, replete, mesmerized by the glint of the flames on the plates of his metal arm. An arm that had brought him no end of pleasure; an arm that was an emblem of Bucky’s deepest pain.

In two days, it would be gone, replaced by a sleeker, lighter, sexier, black-and-gold innovation that would help Bucky feel whole again, and so Steve would learn to love it just as well. But he spared a thought now for the version that caused Bucky no end of torment, but had also helped him survive.

Without it, he wouldn’t have been enslaved for so long. Without it, he wouldn’t be free. Steve embraced these dual realities in Bucky’s stead. He twined the metal fingers with his own, marveling once again how gentle they could be, how delicate. Steve knew they had crushed throats, snapped necks, broken bones, gouged eyes. Perversely, that only increased his reverence when they treated him with such tenderness.

“What’s gonna happen to it?” Steve asked before he could stop himself. “After?”

Out of reflex, maybe, Bucky squeezed his hand. “Don’t know.”

“Do you think they’ll melt it down?”

“Not sure if they can.”

Steve lolled his head back so he could read Bucky’s expression. Finding it untroubled, he teased, “They made you a new one, Buck. They must know how.” Then, after a beat. “They didn’t ask you?”

“I—” His lips pursed, but he was too blissed out on afterglow to frown. Part of why Steve had felt emboldened to ask. “I need to think about it.”

“What you want them to do?”

“Mmm.” He stretched his head back so that Steve couldn’t see his eyes. Steve might have thought he was avoiding him, except another thing he’d discovered in the past few days was Bucky’s obsession with all things space. “If I get a say.”

“Oh, you’re getting a say.” Steve’s stubborn had grown a reputation of its own, even in the short time they’d been in Wakanda.

Bucky chuckled, low and fond, then shifted so that Steve blanketed most of his torso. His lips grazed Steve’s temple, across his forehead to plant a soft kiss in the center. “You doing okay?”

“Me?” Steve popped his head up in surprise. “You’re the one who’s—”

“Gonna be out of commission for a while.” Bucky wasn’t telling him anything he didn’t already know. The question was why. “Maybe a long while. Maybe—”

“Buck, don’t talk like that.”

“I gotta,” Bucky growled, a wounded lion. “Stevie, you gotta know, the past few months… I never dreamed I could have this. I never…” He grimaced, blinking back tears that he refused to shed. “The kid I was, back in Brooklyn before the war, I don’t know what kind of life he woulda had if history didn’t have its eye on him. But I know it wouldn’t have held a candle to this.”

“Aww, love,” Steve sniffled, bit his lip to keep his face from crumbling.

“I mean it.” Bucky’s blue eyes met his, eloquent with emotion. “If I don’t make it—”

“Don’t talk like that!”

“It was worth it,” Bucky insisted, hush and fierce and so, so beautiful. “Every minute. Every moment. Feeling like I never thought I could feel. Knowing love. Knowing you, Stevie—you’re a diamond, pal, sharp and sparkling and precious.” He inhaled a shaky breath. “Don’t get me wrong, I want more. I’m gonna fight for it. But I been shoved down too many times not to get that I might not get back up from this one, so I need you to know. It means everything that you’re here with me. I’m so in love with you I can’t see straight—and for a sniper, that’s something. I want you to find a way if I don’t make it, Stevie. You grab hold of your dreams, and you don’t let go.”

A rage of emotion blazed through Steve, such that he almost blurted out the first dumb thing to come into his head. He breathed through that initial, fearsome burn, shaking from the combustion of so many oppositional forces inside him—the urge to defy, the urge to protect, a flare of stubborn, a firecracker of elation over Bucky caring about him as deeply as Steve cared about him.

But then, he thought, Fuck it, and proceeded to tear him a new one.

“What the fuck?” Steve demanded, flush with fury. “What in the ever-loving fuck was that, Buck? ‘If’ don’t you make it? ‘If’?!” Steve snarled at a pitch only super-soldiers, dogs, and apparently Wakandan goats could hear. “There’s no ifs, buts, or maybes here, pal. You need a couple years to recover? I’ll figure it out. But you are coming back to me, Bucky Barnes. We are gonna sit at the dining room table every Sunday for roast with Ma for the rest of our natural lives. I don’t wanna hear a word about fate or the odds or the past or any of that bullshit. You made a promise to Alpine. You made a promise to me. I’m crazy, stupid, travel-halfway-across-the-world in love with you, and if you die on me, I’m gonna storm the gates of Valhalla or the Astral Plane or wherever the fuck you are and drag you back to life.”

By the end of his speech, Bucky wept, but also laughed, but also rolled his eyes.

“Stevie,” he bleated, “you’re worse than that old goat N’Kare refuses to put to pasture.”

He scoffed. “And don’t you forget it.”

“Is it weird that I somehow love you even more now?”

Steve banked his ire the teensiest bit at that. “Back at you.”

“Yeah?” Bucky’s lips quirked into a wry, watery smile, his version of flirtation. It was only once Steve nuzzled his head back into Bucky’s neck that he found the courage to confess, “I was saying to Wilson that before you… I was just scared all the time. It felt like life was being scared, being… hunted. I shook all the other stuff they planted in my head, but I couldn’t shake that. They’d reprogrammed my instincts, you know? But then came you and Ma… And I was safe again. But now—”

“You’re still safe.” Steve hugged around him, tight as he could. “You’re with me, and Shuri, and T’Challa, and Okoye, and Aneka, and Ayo, and Nakia, and Queen Ramonda, and King T’Chaka. We got you, Buck. We got you. We’re here. You’re safe with us.”

Bucky swallowed hard. “I don’t wanna lose all this, Stevie.”

“You’re not. You won’t.” Steve mouthed the words into his skin. “But you gotta believe it, love.”

He blew out a long, heavy sigh, thick with a century’s worth of sorrows. “I’ll try.”

Steve bussed a devout kiss over his heart, then pressed his cheek down until it reverberated with its vibrant, pounding rhythm. “Then that’s enough.”

They lazed there awhile, Bucky attempting to draw comfort from Steve’s presence, Steve attempting to give it with all his strength. Until a thought struck him that might prove an able distraction.

“Wait…” He scowled up at Bucky in a way that he knew would at the very least make him chuckle. It worked. “They gonna have to shave your head?”

Bucky groaned. “Don’t remind me.”

“What’s gonna happen to your hair?” Steve asked, for reasons.

“My hair, my arm…” Bucky groused, playful. “What are you gonna do with all my spare parts, Stevie? Make some kind of Franken-me?”

“Think you’ve been there, suffered that, love,” Steve reminded him. “I’m just trying to plan ahead, fashion-wise. You thinking a hat or a head-wrap? Something knit or silky or felt, like the olden times.”

“‘The olden times’,” Bucky muttered, but didn’t clarify which options he preferred. “I look great in a fedora, I’ll have you know.”

“Never doubted it.”

“It’ll probably be bandages for a while.”

“I figured.”

“Don’t go getting me some hipster beanie bullshit,” he warned, clearly tickled by the turn of conversation. “I want something fur-lined and cozy, with ear flaps.”

“Ear flaps?” Steve sputtered.

“Full coverage.” Bucky snorted, mostly at himself. “Or one of those gele deals. Need some volume.”

Steve outright guffawed. “You’ve thought about this!”

“Maybe a little,” Bucky admitted, curling his arms around Steve until he snuggled him like a mama otter. “Wanna look good for my man.”

“You’re you,” Steve assured him, with a peck to the divot in his chin. “That’s what’s good.”

***

Bucky gasped and gasped and gasped for air, begging for his lungs to fill. Rich with the scent of flowers and hanging vines, the air wooed him with its welcoming heat, its faint humidity. He’d fled to the balcony garden attached to their palace suite as soon as he heard Steve slip into the shower, hoping the breeze might lull him into a sense of calm. But in a little less than three hours, they’d come to prep him for surgery, and there was no calm to be had.

He curled up into a lotus position between the potted plants, lilies of the Nile and montbretia and safflower and desert rose. One of them, called ‘crown of thorns’, proved too on-point for comfort, so he shoved that one behind the others. Bucky worked through his breathing exercises like his life depended on it—which, stupid inner monologue, it did. He’d felt semi-brave about the whole thing after Steve ripped into him by the campfire a few nights ago, but now that the lab had been fortified and the equipment sterilized and his gown sat folded on the bed, panic skewered him through.

He wanted to live. He wanted to live. Not as a vegetable on life-support for an eternity, or some grayscale, damaged version of himself. He wanted trips to the market and rides in the country, morning runs and after-dinner loafing on the couch, sex in every corner of his apartment, double dates with friends, motor oil and kitty litter and triple-chocolate brownies. He wanted to watch Steve get handsomer as he aged. He wanted to love him through the good times and bad.

He'd been alive for the better part of a century, but Bucky hadn’t even started to live.

“There you are.” A put-upon sigh interrupted his panic spiral. “Man, is this where we’re at? Hiding out in the shrubbery? I thought we got to a good place in our last session.”

“Wilson?” Bucky sprang to his feet, he was so startled by Sam’s sudden appearance on the balcony. “Am I hallucinating?”

“Don’t know.” He grinned from ear to ear. “I usually look this good in your hallucinations?” He pointed to his admittedly stylish leisure wear, an airy purple shirt and some well-cut linen trousers, and did a little twirl.

Before Bucky knew what his body was doing, he launched himself at him.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.” Sam, because he was Sam, gave excellent hug. “Hey, Bucky, hey. You got this, all right?” When Bucky, against his better judgment, only clung to him tighter, Sam urged, “Do your steps now, come on.”

“Fuck the steps,” he muttered into Sam’s shoulder. “What are you even doing here?”

Sam scoffed. “What do you think?”

Bucky wrenched away, glared at him, murder-stare in full effect.

“You got me.” At least Sam had the grace to look sheepish. “It was always on the books for me to be here. You need your people right now—and I’m one of ‘em. But if you knew that, you wouldn’t have done the work, and you needed coping strategies.”

He scowled, but couldn’t disagree with the logic. Damn it.

“I woulda done the work,” Bucky groused anyway.

Sam’s raised eyebrow told him what he thought of that. “How’s Mini-Ming the Merciless holding up?”

“He’s more like Mini-Flash Gordon.”

“Not to me, he isn’t.” Sam covered his mouth, giggled. “That made me think of Buck Rogers, aka your celebrity portmanteau.”

Bucky’s scowl deepened. “Our what?”

“You know, like Bennifer or Brangelina.”

“Who?”

“Never mind.” He continued to giggle. “Forgot my audience for a second there.” He took one look at Bucky’s face, added, “Still gonna call you Buck Rogers.”

“Please,” he deadpanned, “say that in front of Steve sometime. Make sure I’m there.”

“Don’t got that kinda death wish. But seriously.” Wilson’s hairpin turns gave him whiplash. “How’s Steve been with all this?”

“Pissed is what he’d be, if he found me out here.” The only way through was the truth and all that. “Gave me what for when I tried to thank him for our time together.”

“Yeah, well, your half-drowned cat routine gets old real fast.” He gripped a hand into Bucky’s shoulder, which gave him ideas about platonic expressions of affection. Loving Steve had really done a number on his defense mechanisms. “I won’t even bother asking what step you’re at, since the answer is one.”

“One and a half,” Bucky grumbled.

“Proof is in the pudding.” Sam veered them toward the door, but didn’t nudge Bucky inside. Yet. “Walk me through what’s going to happen.”

He had to clear his throat three times before he could get the words out. “They’re gonna sedate and shave me here, so that…”

“That’s smart,” Sam acknowledged. “What else?”

“They’ll move me to the operating theater.” Not Shuri’s usual lab, Bucky had been assured. T’Challa spared no expense renovating the medical suite in the palace itself, for better security and privacy. “They took the scans yesterday, so as soon as I’ve been disinfected, they’ll… They’ll start.”

Sam nodded. “Will they need to wake you up?”

“No, they can’t risk it. They did a mapping thing with lasers, too.” Bucky had vomited up his entire stomach afterwards, a preview of aches to come. “And they already know my brain can regenerate tissue, so they’re not ‘overly concerned’.”

“Which doesn’t mean they’re not gonna be extra, extra careful.”

“They will.” He trusted them. He did. “Promise me you won’t let Stevie watch that part. Please, Wilson.”

Sam scoffed. “I’m the one without super-strength, remember?”

“But you’re good at distraction, redirection,” Bucky reminded him, then gestured between them. “Case in point.”

“I’m not sure I would use this as a measure of my success, but…” He shrugged. “I’ll try.”

“And when he inevitably fails,” a too-familiar voice drawled from behind him, spiking the hairs on the back of his neck, “he’ll tag me in. Riling people up is my specialty.”

Bucky fell silent as his second skin slipped over him, the shadow, the specter, the Soldier. But Steve’s influence must have had a more profound effect than he’d realized, because somewhere inside, Bucky stayed awake, listening but unable to react to anything around him.

Just like old times.

“Hey!” Sam saw it right away. “Hey, hey, hey, Barnes, stay with me now.” Wilson waved a hand in front of his face, snapped his fingers. At least he was smart enough not to touch. When that didn’t work, he reared on the Black Widow, who’d slunk over to perch on the back of a deck chair. “I thought we agreed you’d lay low till after the surgery?”

“Cute of you to think her word is worth a damn.” As if things couldn’t get any worse, Hawkeye sauntered in after her. “What’s up, Barnes? Heard you’re getting some new hardware.”

“Get the hell out of here before you delay his surgery!” Sam snapped, this Avengers thing not going as well for him as Bucky had hoped. “Wait in the quinjet for all I care.”

“Yeah, that’s not gonna work.” He wished upon wish that the Soldier could roll his eyes when Bruce freaking Banner brought up what Bucky prayed was the rear, the quinjet apparently packed tighter than a clown car. “They’re giving it a spit-and-polish. You-know-who’s orders.”

If Tony freaking Stark swanned in, the Soldier was gonna start breaking legs. Wilson must have seen it in his murder-stare, because held up his hands in a pacifying gesture.

“Currently in Malibu,” Sam reassured him. “His house exploded. It’s a whole thing.”

The Soldier let out a guttural hiss, still not able to form words.

“That doesn’t sound good,” Hawkeye remarked, helpfully.

“It’s not, Barton.” The Black Widow smirked, bemused. “Means he’s about ten seconds from severing your head from your neck with his left pinkie.”

“Shit.” It was Hawkeye’s turn to make friends with the shrubbery. “For real?”

“Green guy’s not gonna like that one bit,” Banner warned.

“All of you.” He hated that he couldn’t even smile when Wilson got all huffy. “Out. Now. The man’s having brain surgery in two hours.”

“They do full brain transplants here?” Hawkeye marveled. “Huh!”

“Does that mean he won’t do… this anymore?” Banner gestured vaguely in the Soldier’s direction. “Maybe we should, you know, pay our respects or something?”

Black Widow scoffed. “To the Winter Soldier? The deadliest assassin in history? The Fist of HYDRA?”

“Well.” Banner shrugged. “Yeah.” He shot the Soldier a helpless glance. “He’s still a person.”

Wilson gaped like a fish for a good three minutes, then: “Pretty sure the Soldier was engineered to be the exact opposite of a person. Exhibit A.”

He jutted a thumb in the Soldier’s direction. It took everything in him not to crack it off like a twig. Like a pair of symbiotically conjoined twins, Bucky’s anxiety and aggravation fed into the Soldier’s mandate for order in all things. The resulting inner chaos stretched his already pulled taffy-thin self-control to the limit, seconds from snapping loose and splattering all over everybody.

The Soldier clenched his metal fingers into a fist, the gears of his arm whirring ominously. Inside, Bucky quaked and quaked and quaked as he strained to hold the violence in, white-knuckling his reins on the Soldier’s worst impulses.

Wilson noticed it first, blanched. “If y’all ruined this for him, I will gut you where you stand.”

“Pretty sure he’ll beat you to it,” Black Widow deadpanned, though she was on her feet, poised to strike.

The Soldier heard Hawkeye notch an arrow in his bow, Banner start to hyperventilate. Bucky scrambled to stop him from calculating all the angles of attack, the final step before—

“What the fuck is going on out here?!”

Everyone started, spun around to find Steve dominating the doorway, hair slick, hands on his hips, fluffy towel the only thing that kept him from giving them the full show. He flushed from his hairline to his navel in what could only be described as incandescent fury.

The Soldier retreated as soon as he saw him. The Avengers weren’t that smart.

When no one responded, Steve marched out into the group of superheroes, latched himself to Bucky’s arm, then escorted him back into the room with supreme gentleness. He made sure Bucky was settled comfortably on the bed before stomping back out to the balcony. Bucky watched the scene play out, giddy with relief.

“If any of you super-jerks so much as lay a finger on him,” Steve growled, “you’ll have me to deal with. And that goes double for you, Wilson—I trusted you to have his back, not bring the frigging circus to town when he’s vulnerable like this.”

Sam frowned, mostly at himself. “Listen, Steve—”

“Don’t you ‘Steve’ me like we’re pals or something,” Steve bit out between his teeth. “Neither of us have time to listen to whatever pathetic excuses you cooked up in the last thirty seconds. You’re lucky I’m not calling in the Dora.”

Black Widow snorted. “You could try.”

“Don’t test me, Scarlet Letter,” Steve warned. “Okoye would deep six you in two-point-five, and you know it. The Birdmen wouldn’t even get to stretch their wings, and as for Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde over here…” His flinty glare went toe-to-toe with Banner green-flecked irises. “I know for a fact the place is Hulk-proofed because it can contain the Winter Soldier.”

Only Hawkeye laughed at that mic drop. “Who the fuck is this guy?”

“I’m the boyfriend,” Steve declared, with no little pride. “Now get the fuck out.”

With that, he slammed the balcony door in their faces, then jabbed the button that brought the privacy curtains down.

“Steve, come on!” Wilson bleated through the glass. “How the hell we supposed to get down from here?”

“You’re superheroes,” Steve called over his shoulder as he lowered himself onto Bucky’s lap. “You’ll figure it out.” He wove his arms around Bucky’s neck and pressed their foreheads together, instantly swaddling him in a safe, caring space. Bucky sagged into him, still not quite up to speech. “Bunch of rubbernecking assholes. Don’t worry, Buck, I’m gonna have T’Challa toss ‘em over the falls.”

Bucky snickered at that mental image, exhaled a tortured breath. He dropped his head onto Steve’s shoulder so that he could card his fingers through his hair the way he liked.

“Today of all days, huh?” Steve continued to distract him. “Idiots probably think they’re helping somehow. I mean, it’s sweet that they’re worried about you and all, but they could do that from an acceptable distance. I hear Siberia’s pretty balmy this time of year.”

That found his tongue. “You think they’re worried about me?”

“Wilson, definitely.” Steve massaged his deft little fingers into the meat of his neck—sublime. “The rest of them, maybe. Hawkeye and Banner seem harmless enough. The Widow, though, is probably hedging her bets.”

“Yeah.” Bucky’s sigh turned into a moan as Steve hit the tightest spot.

“Anyway, they’re not getting through me,” Steve assured him in his bedroom rumble.

“Wolf in sheep’s clothing,” Bucky mumbled, utterly blissed out.

Steve kissed him on the temple, hugged him close, safe. Every last drop of tension dripped off of Bucky like water.

“Nothing more dangerous than a man in love, I always say.”

***

Hour seven of seventeen. Steve pressed his head to the glass, swallowed, swallowed. He wanted to hurl. He wanted to spit. He wanted to breathe fire. He wanted to resurrect every single one of the Nazi fucks who had done this to Bucky, his Bucky, and slow-corrode them over an acid bath. Even that might be too good for them. He also really, really wished he hadn’t let Sam force him to choke down that sandwich.

Two teams performed the full surgery: an extraction team and a reconstruction team. The extractors had just about completed their work, doing a final scan and sweep to assure that every last filament of HYDRA tech had been excised. The shiny new Wakandan technology glowed in the sterilization tank, awaiting implantation. The reconstruction surgeons wouldn’t attach the arm just yet—instead, they’d remold Bucky’s shoulder and sculpt on a docking station, so that he could remove the arm at will.

Steve forced himself to concentrate on that bright future and not the bleak remnants of the past, laid out on a table just below the observation window. The HYDRA arm had been placed in a secure containment unit and whisked away by Okoye herself as soon as they’d cut the last wire. A briar of spikey, blood-crusted implants and demented shoulder plates were all that remained, as crude and brutal as medieval torture devices. Even a glance in their direction made Steve’s stomach cramp, bilious with rage and upset.

That merciless bullshit had been inside Bucky this whole time. In his spine. In his brain. The thought of it made him ache so deep, he almost passed out. He was so grateful to Shuri for solving the problem, for saving Bucky from this, he could have sobbed his eyes out. They would owe the Wakandans forever.

Steve attempted some of Bucky’s breathing exercises as, below, the shift changed. The extractors each took a moment to squeeze Bucky’s flesh hand before saluting their colleagues and leaving the operating theater. The reconstruction squad industriously set up their gear, adjusted the lights, monitored Bucky’s vitals. The anesthesiologists had switched-out first, to assure that Bucky remained in a deep, narcotic slumber. From what Steve could see of his face, he looked strangely peaceful, as if finally enjoying a much-needed rest.

Don’t look, don’t look, don’t look, Steve admonished himself as he suffered another wave of nausea. He needed to be strong for Bucky, for their future. That didn’t involve minor breakdowns over things he couldn’t change. Or full-on, gore-soaked revenge fantasies in which he recreated a funhouse version of the French Revolution public executions on the HYDRA brass…

A hand fell on his shoulder. Steve glanced up to find a whole other type of red menace gazing down at him with impassive green eyes.

“Hey.”

“What do you want?” Steve couldn’t keep the snarl out of his voice.

She pushed a cup of ginger tea into his hands. “For the nausea.”

Steve gave her a curt nod, took a sip.

Fuck. It helped.

“Think we got off on the wrong foot.” She leaned against the glass on the outskirts of his peripheral, but didn’t sit down. Which was smart, but he expected nothing less from a spymaster. “I’m Natasha.”

“What are you doing here?” he demanded, totally out of spoons.

“Officially, making sure none of that—” And of course she nodded toward the table that Steve was not gonna look at. “—makes it out of the country.”

He raised a skeptical brow in her direction. “Unofficially?”

“Wiping it off the face of the damn earth.” Her expression sharpened in a way that Steve could very much related to, at the moment. “All records, specs, scans, tests, and hardware, bye-bye.”

Steve saw it, then, her masterplan. What she was really offering him: a way through the madness.

“Can I help?”

Natasha winked at him. “Was hoping you’d ask.”

An hour later, Steve checked the straps of his flame-retardant suit and lowered the safety goggles into place. The roar of the vibranium incinerator below caused the whole structure to thrum, despite multiple assurances that the catwalk was secure. Having poured herself into her own catsuit-come-dominatrix outfit, Natasha meticulously compared photos to surgery records to body scans to the torture devices laid out on the tray, in order to assure that they had all been accounted for.

She’d done this three times so far. Steve appreciated her thoroughness, but patience had never been one of his virtues. They needed to dump them and be done with it. He’d been away from Bucky for long enough.

“Done.” At a wave of Natasha’s hand, all the virtual screens around her turned red, the information on them not just blinking out of existence, but crumbling to synthetic dust. “Ready to do the honors?”

Steve nodded. “What do I do?”

“I’ll open the chute.” She pointed to a smokestack-like column jutting out of the floor. “You feed ‘em to the giant blender down there. Keep your mask on—the fumes are something else.”

“Better be.” He slid his mask into place, so the last bit came out muffled. “This bullshit needs to be pulverized.”

“Tell me about it.” Natasha grabbed a handle, then counted down. “Three, two, one…”

The stench surprised him: brimstone and petrichor, with a hint of something almost perfumy. Vibranium, Steve reminded himself, began life as a plant. He reached for the first contraption on the tray, but stopped himself. It didn’t feel like enough, somehow, to just toss it in.

“What were some of their names, the people that did this to him?”

Though he couldn’t read Natasha’s expression behind all the safety gear, he sensed that she approved, somehow.

“Alexander Pierce,” she stated, solemn as an executioner.

Steve lifted a snake-like mass of wires up, dropped them into the chute. A flare went up when they landed—a flag of victory.

He waited for Natasha before each subsequent drop.

Arnim Zola. Wilfrid Malick. Werner Reinhardt. Vasily Karpov. John Garrett. Wolfgang von Strucker. Brock Rumlow. Jack Rollins. Jasper Sitwell. These were the names that would live on Steve’s blacklist forever, that he’d hunt down through the afterlife and beyond.

Still, once they were done, a strange relief came over him. He felt a little woozy, a little weightless, and not just from the fumes.

“Eat,” Natasha ordered as soon as they got back, and Steve’s stomach actually gurgled in agreement.

Steve checked the window first, because a little revenge hadn’t skewed his priorities. To his further relief, the reconstruction team had concluded the first phase—skull repair—and proceeded with attaching the new dock to Bucky’s collarbone. He would have an easily removable implant embedded at the top of his spine that received biochemical signals from his brain, but nothing had been reimplanted, because the Wakandans were innovators, not monsters. Once the dock was in position, they’d finish with a couple of skin grafts that would severely reduce the amount of scarring at the edges once healed.

Almost there, love. Steve sent the mental message out to Bucky, but also as a reminder to himself. Then, he went to introduce himself to the rest of the Avengers, who maybe weren’t so bad after all, and claim a steaming bowl of noodles in a savory broth.

When Natasha slid into the seat beside him, Steve managed a smile.

End of Chapter 9 

Chapter Text

Chapter 10 – All The Stars

Soft. Everything around him was soft and warm and right.

Bucky drifted awake, but didn’t dare open his eyes. The orange-gold tones of daylight transformed his lids into auroras. He tracked the waves of light for a while—soothing, so soothing—until a rich, spicy aroma hit his nostrils, and they flared. A deep chuckle reverberated against the side of his chest that could feel something. The other side of him floated as if suspended by balloons. Music wafted in from he didn’t know where. He tried to hum along, but his throat scratched something awful. Then, he coughed, and—

“You with me, love?”

Fingers stroked his cheek. Bucky wanted to kiss them. He shifted to the left but, oh, nope, bad idea. The back of his head felt crunchy. His body impossibly heavy. His throat parched. He needed a little sugar. He needed—

“Yup, that’s a straw.” Something wedged between his lips. “Come on, Buck, you got this.”

He did. He sipped a little, coughed a little, sipped more—then his thirst struck. He lifted his head, gulping, gulping, one cup, then three, then five. Finally, enough.

Steve helped him ease back down. Wiped his mouth with a cloth, sealed it with a kiss, delicate as a butterfly wing.

He must be on the seriously good drugs. There was no pain, anywhere. Not in his shoulder, not in his back, not in his head.

There was no pain.

“You back with us for good, or you gonna slip under again?” Steve’s voice had a teasing lilt that Bucky wanted to curl up in. He’d come back enough to feel him tucked against his right side, those elegant, eager fingers caressing his cheek, his ear, his neck, non-stop.

Bucky chanced opening his eyes. Steve gazed down at him, tender, adoring, the best thing he’d ever seen.

“Fancy meeting you here,” Bucky murmured, and damn, damn, Steve’s eyes got all dewy and wet.

“No place I’d rather be,” he rasped. “How you doing, love? You hurting anywhere?”

“Nope.” And Bucky couldn’t help it, even though Steve was sad. He felt like a buoy adrift on the open ocean. He felt like a kite on the wind. He felt like his head was full of bubbles.

No fucking pain.

“They gave you the good stuff, huh?”

“Must’a.” He nuzzled into Steve’s touch, reveled in it. “Whatcha got there?”

“This?” Steve wiggled a thermos with his free hand. “The local baristas heard that I work at the Fiend. They’ve been trying to one-up each other by sending me all sorts of free drinks. Apparently, there’s some kind of competition to see which café I visit first.”

“They send any brownies?” He wasn’t sure why Steve’s face did this kind of twitch thing at the question, but he needed it to stop.

“You got a one-track mind, you know that?” Steve let out a short, watery laugh. “If you stay awake for ten minutes this time, I can give you some broth and a fruit shake.”

“This time?”

“Yeah, you been in and out all afternoon.” Steve rubbed a thumb across his bottom lip. Bucky tried to bite it. “But this is the longest conversation we’ve had, so. I’m supposed to ask you some questions to be sure before I bother the docs.”

This, for some reason, Bucky found deeply amusing. “Like what? Square root of pi? Name all the presidents in order of dumbassery? No, lemme guess, what year is it? My favorite.”

Steve huffed, gave his cheek a little smack. “Least I can tell them you’re still an asshole.”

“Take more than brain surgery to rid me of that,” Bucky volleyed back, proud of himself. “See? I remembered and everything.”

To his horror, Steve’s jaw firmed, tight enough to crush teeth. He blinked and blinked and blinked, eyes betraying a telltale glisten.

“Stevie, what is it?” he murmured, hating how Steve grimaced at the sound of his own nickname, as if he was two seconds from losing it completely.

“Buck, you been out for five days.”

Oh, shit. Oh, shit, shit, shit.

“What?” he croaked, and there. There was the pain, a dull ache in the center of his chest.

“Shuri said it’s ‘cause you needed it, that it was a good sign, but I knew that was bullshit.” Steve sniffled so hard, Bucky worried that a nostril would rip off or something. But with typical Rogers steel, he refused to let himself cry. “But maybe it wasn’t, because you seem okay.”

“I’m okay, I’m okay,” Bucky cooed, wishing he was more mobile, so he could draw Steve closer. “Stevie, I’m here, all here. Ask me your questions, I’ll prove it. It’s 2015, we’re in Wakanda, I miss my cat and your ma, and I’m stupid in love with you.”

Steve glowered. “You better be, for all the crap I put up with.”

“There’s my best guy.” That brought out a hint of the sunshine smile. Bucky would take it. “Now what does a patient gotta do to get some of that broth, a couple of shakes, and a kiss, not in that order?”

“Wake up after twenty-four hours and not give me a series of small heart attacks.” Steve hoisted himself up, and… oh.

Oh.

The spark between them was as bright as ever, electric with potential. Steve’s soft, tender kiss lit Bucky up like a disco ball, all shimmer and glitter and jazz hands. Or maybe this was just his brain on Steve.

This was his brain off HYDRA.

“You sure you’re okay?” Steve’s brow furrowed as he hovered over him.

“Nothing hurts.” Bucky swallowed hard, suddenly on the verge of tears himself. “Nothing hurts, Stevie.” He forced himself to laugh instead, a sharp, curt, brittle sound at first. Then, as the truth dawned on him, fuller, deeper, until his vision blurred and all his happiness leaked from the corner of his eyes. “My mind can soar. My shoulders are made of pudding. My back! My back is all…”

Okay, maybe his mind couldn’t quite do mental loop-de-loops just yet.

“Comfy?”

“Yes.”

“Good.” Steve wallpapered his face with kisses, possibly to mask the intensity of his own emotions, then slipped away. “I’m gonna raise this up so you don’t end up wearing your soup.”

“Only if you promise to come back after.”

“I ain’t going nowhere, Buck, I told ya.”

A tray appeared like magic—or maybe Bucky was just distracted by the feeling of total and utter weightlessness that came with the no pain. They better tether him down, or he might waft out the window.

Seconds later, his hunger roared awake when his senses became engulfed by the scent of savory broth. Before Steve could so much as fetch a spoon, Bucky wrestled his flesh arm out from under the covers and drank it down in three long, eager slurps.

“Is there more?” He set the bowl down to wipe his mouth.

Steve gazed at him with a wealth of fondness, then shoved a mango-passion fruit shake at him.

The twenty-first century had made Bucky a rich man indeed.

***

Vertov. Wexler. Pennebaker. Morin and Rouch. These cinema verité maestros had nothing on Steve, who wielded the hyper-secure phone the royal family had gifted him as if it were a 16mm Bolex Paillard C8. His subject? The uber-chill baristas at Buni, who brewed up caffeinated perfection using techniques that Steve had never witnessed before, and Darcy sure as hell would like to see for herself, so he took it upon himself to play documentarian.

Good sports all, the baristas let Steve film them to his heart’s content. So far, he’d recorded their elaborate bean-roasting process, their hand-grinding method, their brewing technique, and how they whipped up their most popular drinks. His last and greatest masterpiece would be a live-stream of how they made touba, a creamy coffee flavored with cloves and grains of paradise, his favorite.

With his elbows acting as tripod, Steve zoomed in on the small roasting pan as Akoya—the most talented barista in all of Birnin Zana—swished the spices to combine them with the beans. At this vantage, the fumes scorched his nostrils, but it was worth it to hear Darcy ooh and ahh from halfway across the world. Steve, of course, was the only one who could hear the brassy lilt of her voice through his earbuds, the other baristas shooting him funny looks whenever he responded to her.

He pursued Akoya across the space when she moved to the grinder, hopping onto the counter so that he could position the camera directly over the macerating beans. The dual assault of the hand-grinder and Darcy’s whoops almost deafened him, so Steve was relieved to move on to filtration, where scalding water would be poured and repoured over the bean powder to extract a rich, dark brew.

Steve could hear her salivating by the time he settled into the cushy basket chair under the lone baobab tree in Buni’s lush courtyard. He turned the camera on himself as he took his first sip, then balanced it on his bent leg so they could video conference.

“Ughhhhhhhh.” Darcy threw her head back as she cursed the sky. Sequestered in her feng shui office space at the Fiend, her surroundings had achieved a nirvana she could only aspire to. “Why is life so deeply fucking unfair, Steve? Not only do you get to go on a whole Wakandan adventure with your hot as shit boyfriend, but you get to do all this fun coffee shit, too? Come on, universe! Throw a girl a bone.”

“Is Luke’s not doing it for you anymore?” Steve batted his eyelashes, the picture of innocence.

“Oh, he does it.” To Steve’s relief, her face melted at the thought of her man. “To me, with me, in me, anywhere, anytime. He’s a fucking sex triathlete. We’re good. We’re great. We’re maybe moving in together? Not the point.”

“That sounds like a pretty big point. Er, step.” He stuffed a whole mandazi into his mouth, wary of not adding even more fuel to the fire of her FOMO. “You ready for that?”

“Hell yeah.” She grinned from ear to ear. “Luke’s the best. I am not gonna miss my chance to lock that hunkamania down.” Steve nodded his approval, his mouth too full of flaky, gooey goodness to chance speech. “How’s the hubs?”

Steve rolled his eyes. “You gotta stop calling him that. He’ll freak if he overhears.”

“If by freak, you mean drop to one knee and insta-propose.” The Starkphone gave an extra sharpness to her stink eye. “And don’t pretend like you wouldn’t accept. I’ve never seen a couple as perma-cuffed as you two.”

Steve chewed through another mandazi—this time in full view of the screen—before admitting, “We are. You’re not wrong.”

“But?”

“Buck’s coming back to himself in ways I don’t think anyone expected.” Even though the potential consequences of that worried him, Steve couldn’t help but smile. “They dug stuff out of his brain I can’t even think about without wanting to dismember every so-called scientist responsible—slowly. But it’s healing. He’s healing. He was a beautiful soul in black and white… but the full-color version is blowing our minds.”

He expected a cheer, a fist-pump, devil horns with her tongue out. Something to celebrate that news. Instead, Darcy crossed her arms under her breasts and glared at him.

“And you, what?” she demanded. “Think he’s gonna drop you like a hot potato now that he’s got a whole smorgasbord of options?”

Steve bowed his head, shrugged. The truth was, he didn’t want to think about it too much.

“That’s bullshit, and you know it!” Darcy exclaimed.

“Do I?” Steve muttered into his coffee.

“Steven ‘Professional Asshole’ Rogers, you have never once in your life dimmed your light for anyone,” she laid into him. “And you better not start now. Without you, Bucky would still be using cue cards to communicate, and he would be the first one to admit it. This whole operation wouldn’t have even been possible if you and your ma hadn’t taken him in—”

“I’m not forcing him to stay!” Steve insisted. “Or guilting him, or whatever. Buck’s spent enough of his life being controlled, being manipulated. I seen the consequences of that, and it made me want to puke out my eye sockets. I won’t do that to him.”

Darcy made a moue. “You sure you’re not flipping out the teensiest bit over this? Bucky fucking worships you.”

“He hasn’t said anything,” Steve confirmed. “But he gets a choice. When he’s done all his healing, he gets to choose.”

She snorted. “If that’s the weird-ass way you need to make it official.” Darcy didn’t flinch when he took a long sip of his coffee, so she must have felt a little sorry for him. “Is he really that different?”

Steve considered how to explain it for a long while. “Not different, exactly, just… more. Flirtier. Happier. Confident. Dialed up to eleven.”

“He seemed pretty damn happy at the Christmas party,” Darcy reminded him. “Just saying.” She took a swig from the vitamin water Wanda and Pietro peddled as if it was ambrosia. It came from a plant in South Jersey. “You sure it’s not some kind of post-surgery high?”

“Part of it, yeah.” Steve swallowed hard, the coffee gone bitter on his tongue in the wake of the sweet pastry. Bitter truths, also hard to swallow. “And the docs think some of the tech might have been designed to dampen some of the serum’s effects, to better keep Bucky in line, so there’s that.” He cleared his throat. In for a penny… “But we haven’t, uh… You know. Since before.”

“Damn.” Her eyes bugged out. “That’s like a month and a half!”

“Rub it in, why don’t ya?” Steve grumbled. Now that the cat was out of the bag, he couldn’t stop himself from coughing up every hairball in his stomach. “First three weeks, he was still too out of commission. His brain was repairing itself and all. He’d sleep like eighteen hours a day. Once that was done, he became this energy ball. Running, hiking, swimming, sparring… His body can’t get enough.”

“But not of you?”

“Nope,” Steve croaked.

Darcy scowled. “Have you talked to him about it?”

“Not in, like, words.” Steve glanced at his empty pastry dish, pouted. “He’s got testing down in the lab every day to fine-tune his new arm. It takes a lot out of him to be in that environment, even now. And a ton of concentration. I don’t wanna add to that.”

“For now,” Darcy stated, firm.

“For now,” Steve agreed. Because what else could he do? As soon as they got back to Brooklyn and all its liberties, it would be crystal clear if Bucky’d had a change of heart. Nothing Steve said to him, then or now, would change that.

On the small screen, Darcy nodded, though she in no way appeared to accept. Instead, she urged, “Close your eyes.”

“Okay…”

“Imagine I’m giving you, like, the best friend hug ever.” He squeezed his eyelids extra tight, his emotions on a hair-trigger these days. “And don’t half-ass that shit ‘cause you’re feeling sorry for yourself. Do the whole ‘sight, sound, smell, sensation’ thing.”

“What about taste?”

“I’m not making out with you, gross.” He heard her gag. “Way to ruin the moment.”

Steve concentrated so hard on inhabiting the experience that he almost launched himself out of his basket chair when a familiar voice drawled, “Who you making out with this time, Stevie, and can I watch?”

Once he’d recovered from the shock, Steve glanced up to discover all six-foot-yum of Bucky standing over him. His luxe hair had grown out just enough to cover all his scars, somehow darker and more velvety than before. Suddenly a master with gel, he’d styled it into a kind of roguish swirl that Steve couldn’t get enough of running his fingers through. The benefits of his exercise jaunts and bottomless-pit appetite displayed themselves in the form of packed yet sinuous muscle, which bulged his clothes in all the right places, notably his expertly tailored dove gray linen pants and the deep ‘V’ of his slate-blue tunic-style shirt. One of the surprises that came from a fully healed brain was discovering 1940s Bucky Barnes had been something of a peacock.

But the biggest surprise was that Bucky wore his new arm. So far, he hadn’t been permitted to use it outside the lab environment, the calibrations not fine-tuned enough to trust without security measures. Bucky must have passed all the tests, though, because there it was, the mellow amber of late-day sunlight glinting off its black-gold majesty.

Something tightened in Steve’s groin. He maybe had a bit of a thing for the new arm.

“You seem pretty cozy in that chair. There room for one more?” The gilt afternoon light made Bucky’s blue eyes glow like moonstones.

“For you, always.” Steve wasn’t exactly hopeless in the flirting department himself. He shifted so that Bucky could slide in beside him; because of the curve of the seat and Bucky’s bulk, that translated into half-sitting on Bucky’s lap while his flesh arm wove possessively around him.

Bucky wasted no time in treating Steve to a pair of kisses, one to his temple and the other, longer to the corner of his mouth. Steve shot Darcy an apologetic look when Bucky’s lips lingered on his skin. It’s not like she didn’t know he was a bit of a drama queen. Her unimpressed expression spoke the necessary volumes.

“Hey, Darcy.” Bucky addressing her directly, with ease and charm, was enough to distract her from Steve’s overreaction. “How’s tricks? You keeping the bros in line for me?”

“I—” He could tell she struggled not to let her astonishment show on her expressive face. “I got enough on my plate with all the new Fiendsters, aka the Young and the Oversexed. There have been three breakups and makeups just since you left, Steve. I made a flow chart to keep up with which pairs I can schedule together without adding fuel to the fire.”

“You need Stevie here back to lay the smackdown.” Bucky tucked closer into his side, gave him a squeeze. “He’ll get ‘em in line.”

“Tell me something I don’t know,” Darcy grumbled good-naturedly, then nodded at the arm. “That the new hardware?”

“Yeah.” Bucky preened as he lifted it up into view, flexed the fingers. Preened. Steve didn’t know he could preen. “Taking it out for a real-world test drive. Fine-motor stuff like…”

Bucky reached up and, with the utmost delicacy, brushed a stray hair off Steve’s forehead, notched it behind his ear. When the tips of his vibranium fingers traced the shell, Steve almost swooned.

With Bucky focused on the motion, Darcy took the opportunity to mouth, You were not fucking kidding.

Steve responded with his Told you glare.

“You okay, Stevie?” He hated himself a little bit for making Bucky frown. “That didn’t hurt, did it?”

“The opposite,” Steve assured him. “Trying to get this one to scram so we can, you know, do more testing.”

“That what the kids are calling it these days?” He wanted to bite Bucky’s smirk. Eat it whole. But a little bit of the old bashful Bucky still remained, because he added, “Figured you’d be sick of me by now.”

“Never.” Steve ignored Darcy, who added gagging motions to her noises.

“All right, all right, I can take a hint.” She rolled her eyes for good measure. “Bucky, can’t wait to see what that thing can do live and in person. Make sure this one has some fun while he’s playing nursemaid.”

“Wilco.” Bucky made the word sound obscene. Steve’s groin cranked that much tighter. 

“Steve, get the fuck back here soon,” Darcy ordered, “or I won’t be responsible for my actions.”

“Whatever.” Steve rolled his eyes right back at her. “You live for the drama. You’re like a pig in shit.”

“Definitely in it.” Darcy pouted, but blew them kisses all the same. “Miss you! Love you! You better bring me back a whole-ass crate of coffee!”

“Thanks for listening,” Steve murmured, before she blinked out of sight.

Bucky dragged smooth vibranium knuckles down Steve’s cheek. Steve leaned into the touch, pliant as a kitten.

“You want a coffee, love?” Steve laughed when Bucky’s fingertip traced the length of his nose.

“Nope.” He skimmed the edge of Steve’s jaw, fanned his hand out over his neck, dipped a thumb into the notch between his collar bones.

“Pastry?” Steve suddenly struggled to catch his breath.

“Uh-uh.” Bucky stroked his hand down Steve’s chest, snuck it under the hem of his shirt.

Steve went a little cross-eyed when he tickled the fine trail of hairs that bisected his navel. “Then what do you wanna do? Wanna go to the market or something, s-squeeze—” He bit back a moan when Bucky massaged up his chest, flicked a tight-puckered nipple.

“Wanna touch you,” Bucky purred into his neck. “All of you. Everywhere. That’s the test.”

He did moan, then, rough and thick, when Bucky snuck down for a thorough grope of his ass.

“Right here?” Steve asked, because Bucky wasn’t exactly being shy about publicly displaying their affection.

His low chuckle did things to Steve. “Back at the suite. Thought we could grab some takeout from that stew place you like so much on the way. Figure we’ll be in for the night.”

“Mmm, good plan.” Steve arched his chin up to meet Bucky’s slow, decadent kiss. “You’re a real peach, Buck, you know that?” Bucky had been deploying a lot more 1940s vocab lately, too. Steve figured the least he could do was learn the lingo.

“That’s my line, wise guy,” Bucky chided sweetly, before giving his bottom lip a thorough suck.

*

Three hours later, Steve was making it rain. If by rain, one referred to the firehose of spunk Bucky shot every time he came. Which was ample and often. After the draught came the flood, or so they said. It had been almost two months since Steve had the opportunity to flood Bucky’s super-system with endorphins, and he was not holding back.

The new arm was sensitive. Whether this sensitivity was due to miscalibration or serum-enhancement or reconnected synapses, Steve would leave to the scientists. His job—nay, his duty as Bucky’s lover of choice—was to wreck Bucky’s body with pleasure. Steve was nothing if not relentless in that honeyed pursuit.

As soon as they were ensconced in the privacy of the suite, Bucky stripped him bare, yanked off his own clothes, and proceeded to map Steve’s entire body with his metal hand. By the end,  Bucky had been dripping hard, mewling with need, all his newfound charm and swagger burned off by lust, scorched by epic stimulation. Steve had done the only thing he could think of, slipping two of Bucky’s fingers between his lips to wet them so that Bucky could start to open him up.

Except. Except after a few weak suckles and a sharp whine, Bucky came all over himself.

Even after it happened, Steve couldn’t quite believe it. So while Bucky gasped himself hoarse trying to catch his breath, messy and loose-limbed, head berthed on Steve’s abdomen, and Steve brushed absent fingers through his hair to soothe him, Steve decided they needed to formalize the terms of this experiment.

After restoring Bucky with electrolytes and maneuvering him into a more comfortable position—prone on the bed but supported in key places by lots of pillows—Steve began. He sat cross-legged on the mattress at Bucky’s left side, angled so that they could moon adoringly at each other. Then, he held Bucky’s metal arm in one hand, petted it with the other.

The response was immediate and effusive. Already at half-mast, Bucky’s cock filled and stretched to full, aching hardness. He panted fitfully. Arched his back, but did not pull away. A sheen of sweat gilded his bronze skin. His bright blue eyes glazed over as his pleasure mounted, mounted, mounted. Steve got all tingly himself, especially when he lifted Bucky’s hand to his lips and sucked his thumb into his mouth.

That got him his first ragged moan. Far from the last.

Three extremely successful experiments later, Bucky lay with his head in Steve’s lap, boneless, blissed out, drenched in his own spend, and giddier than Steve had ever seen him. He smiled wide and slack, his tongue slipping out to lick his lips, even though Steve hadn’t kissed him since they’d first walked in. This particular sexual adventure was not about him—for now. Steve kinda waited for Bucky to come back to himself enough to jerk him off. Though not with his spiffy new metal arm—that was test phase two.

“You gonna be okay if I go get a washcloth, Buck?” Steve cooed as he rubbed circles into the skin around Bucky’s shoulder dock.

“Nnnn, stay.” Bucky grappled with his flesh hand until he caught Steve’s, twined their fingers, rested them over his heart. “Stay close.”

“Feeling okay?” Steve didn’t exactly need confirmation, but it didn’t hurt to check in once in a while.

“Didn’t think they had drugs this good,” Bucky slurred. “Not even in Wakanda.” He chuckled, deep and dirty, still semi-aroused despite four brain-blitzing orgasms. And then just didn’t stop, laughing until he was panting again, until he’d curled on his side and started gnawing on Steve’s thigh.

“Wish you could share,” Steve quipped, because duh. His health had always been too precarious for casual drug use, but he’d make an exception for whatever serum-enhanced endorphin cocktail gave Bucky his smile back after literal decades of torture.

“Oh!” Bucky didn’t sober exactly, but he did flop back down, smiling so prettily up at Steve that he took a mental picture. A Kodak moment if there ever was. “Shuri says you should… You…” A stitch knit Bucky’s perfect brow. “Shit, shouldn’t talk about this now.”

“Too late.” And really, Steve couldn’t have loved him more, dopamine-laced confusion and all. “What did Shuri say?”

“Please don’t be mad.” Bucky brought their joined hands to his mouth, kissed each of Steve’s knuckles in turn. “I was out of it, and I maybe mentioned some of your health stuff.”

“That’s okay.” Steve double-timed those circles, inching toward the spot on Bucky’s neck that held the most tension. It was as squishy as Jell-O. “I’m sure they saw it in the background check they undoubtably did on me.”

“Right! Anyway, she said they could maybe help.” Bucky gazed up at him with such care, with such tenderness that Steve found himself breathless. “They have this special herb that the royal family takes for stamina and longevity. You wouldn’t be able to take a full dose, but T’Challa gave permission for you to have a quarter dose. It would heal your heart, Stevie, and your hearing, your anemia, and… and everything else. No more pills. No more scares. You’d be healthy and strong, live a full life. Maybe… maybe even as long as me.”

“As long as…” It had occurred to him. Of course it had. That Bucky wouldn’t age at the same rate he would. That Steve might even have to leave him a little earlier than he would have liked. It had seemed a problem for the future. Steve wasn’t even sure Bucky wanted him long-term. “This some kind of serum?”

“No.” The Soldier didn’t make many appearances post-surgery, but that was definitely his growl. “No serums. No powers. Just…” Bucky breathed deep, steadied himself. That was new, too, this ability to dismiss the Soldier. “Shuri can explain, and you can choose. You choose, Stevie.”

“I choose you, love,” Steve murmured, stroking his face, his brow. “Always and forever.”

Bucky blew out a long breath of relief, went gooey as syrup. “Me too.”

“I’ll talk to Shuri.”

“You can talk to me, once I’m not so fucked out.”

“I’ll do that,” Steve chuckled, heart so full his chest could barely contain it.

“And Ma,” Bucky added, before Steve could even ask. “She’s gonna help Ma. She wants to come over for Irish roast.”

“She’s very invited.”

“That’s what I said.” His devastating blue eyes caught him in their sights, a touch more lucid than before. “Get down here, will you? I wanna hold you.”

“Don’t gotta ask twice.” Steve replaced his lap with two fluffy pillows, then scooted down into Bucky’s arms. His metal fingers started roving again when they kissed, slow, sensual. “You wanna fuck then have dinner, or have dinner then fuck?”

After such an emotional conversation, Steve wanted Bucky inside him, stat.

“Suck you, feed you, fuck you, in that order.” Bucky flipped them over, ground their hips still Steve saw stars. “Love you, love you, love you, Stevie, my Stevie, forever.”

Steve let out a rambling moan, glutted with happiness. “Sounds like a plan.”

***

“You ever think of growing a beard?”

Bucky wasn’t in the habit of saying the first thing that popped into his head, but someone had to bring them down to earth, figuratively if not literally. What else could anyone say when confronted with the visceral and ancient splendor of Warrior Falls.

The crystalline waters of the Sacred Pool licked their calves as they walked as close as they dared to the edge. Beyond, a whole range of cataract waterfalls frothed and roared, the intersection of three mighty rivers plunging down from multiple bedrock shelves into the basin far below. A kaleidoscope of rainbows arced through the sky above, their misty shimmer almost blighting out the sun. They glinted off Steve’s three o’clock stubble, red-gold—sign of his Irish roots—in a way that Bucky found perilously distracting.

Perilous for many reasons, mostly because they couldn’t dishonor the Sacred Pool by, say, fucking in it.

Steve got that sly smirk that let Bucky know he was onto him. “Too hot. Maybe next winter.”

“I’ll say, too hot,” Bucky tempted fate—and Bast’s wrath—by replying.

Steve stood taller these days, prouder, hands on his hips, at full attention in a way he’d never been before. Possibly because he now could hear things beyond his usual range, a fuller spectrum of sounds, from hush to distant to bowel-deep. Bucky called it his sheepdog pose, because the first night after he’d taken the herb, Steve sat in the field beyond their hut and just… listened. For hours. One by one, at sunset, the packs and herds of local beasts had flocked to him, with Bucky bringing up the rear, and they’d all lazed in the grass together, stargazing the night long.

Bucky should have expected their time in Wakanda to be transformative. But neither of them could ever have predicted just how profound a transformation it would be.

At a glance, Steve didn’t seem all that different. Stubborn, righteous, determined, passionate—all the Steve hallmarks still thrived inside him. He loved Bucky, his ma, and art, in that order. His epic rants against injustice continued unabated. (Bucky had been so right about Steve and T’Challa becoming fast friends.) He topped out at five-foot-seven in thick-soled boots and would never win a Mr. Universe competition—and Bucky wouldn’t want him any other way.

Except healthier, which he was. When Shuri shared the results of Steve’s latest tests, Steve sobbed into Bucky’s neck for a half hour straight, then called their ma and sobbed some more. Heart murmur—gone. Anemia obliterated. Vision, hearing, taste, smell, bone density, muscularity, flexibility, immune system… the list of improvements went on and on.

As did Bucky’s heart—yeah, sue him, he loved Céline Dion. Other parts of his anatomy tended to express their appreciation on the regular as well. And who wouldn’t? Steve had always been, as they said nowadays, a whole snack, but the herb had put him on another level.

His complexion had more peaches than cream these days, the Wakandan sun gifting him with the slightest of tans. Extra time outdoors streaked his hair with lighter strips of blond, added sparkle to his scintillating blue eyes. The herb’s energy boost increased his stamina in all things, and exercise did the rest. Steve wore tank tops now, inviting everyone to the gun show, displaying the lean muscle that hiking, swimming, and rock-climbing added to his shoulders and arms. His calf muscles bulged like buoys, rippling the surface of the Sacred Pool with every step, until all Bucky could think of was being smothered by his thighs, like he’d been the night before when—

Needless to say, they put the ‘honey’ in honeymoon stage every single night.

“Charmer.” Steve shot a lethal, side-long, smoldering look in Bucky’s direction, reached his hand out. “C’mere. You’re too far away.”

Bucky couldn’t have agreed more. He wove an arm around Steve’s taut waist, drew him close—but not too close. They’d climbed a whole-ass mountain to get up here, turning them into mini-waterfalls of sweat. And Steve wasn’t even a little winded. Bucky would never be able to thank Shuri enough.

They marveled at the majesty of Wakanda until Bucky got twitchy. He’d never been one for serene reflection, as Wilson could attest, having endured his mockery through many a meditation session.

“Feel like taking a dip, Stevie?”

“I do,” Steve chuckled, “but the two Dora guards on the ledge up there might skewer us where we stand.” His smirk sharpened into pure flint. “If you splooge in the sacred waters, you’re an automatic duke of Wakanda or something, and we both know you can’t keep your hands to yourself at the best of times, Buck.”

“Says the guy who needed to eat my ass so bad fucking Romanoff almost walked in on us.”

“Not my fault she doesn’t knock,” Steve scoffed, “or use doors. And I don’t recall any complaints from you at the time.”

“Know where my bread is buttered.”

“And your salad tossed.” Steve inched closer to the edge, peered over the side, trusting that Bucky would anchor him. “If we can find a way down to that ledge there, we can probably swim without inadvertently becoming a member of the royal family. The water’s deeper, too, more like a real pool.”

“Now you’re just hurting the Sacred Pool’s feelings.”

Steve shrugged. “It’s more of a dueling ground than a pool, when you think about it. Blood in the water that won’t wash out.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, fond. “You been watching too many Wakandan historical dramas.”

“Something had to keep me entertained while you were out of commission.”

“Thought that was planning a worldwide health care system with T’Challa.”

“More like a redesign of the palace’s medical wing…” The rainbow-amped sunlight lit Steve’s eyes when he glanced up, giving him a super-twinkle. “But, yeah, you’re not wrong.”

Lit Bucky’s chest with some romantic fireworks he could barely contain. “I know I say this a hundred times a day, but I fucking love the hell out of you, Stevie.”

The twinkle went disco inferno. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Bucky sighed, replete. “I don’t know what gets me more excited, the idea of spending another two months here with you, or the idea of taking you home to Brooklyn and… whatever comes next. The rest of our lives.”

Steve beamed up at him, his smile pure sunshine. Bucky was grateful for so many things the trip had brought them—health, wins as a couple, literal peace of mind—but nothing so much as some of the burdens of responsibility being lifted from Steve’s shoulders. That they’d both been able to give themselves fully to this experience, and each other.

“About that.” A hint of steel refracted off Steve’s shimmer. He firmed his jaw, fixed Bucky straight in the eyes—his fight stance. “Buck, you should know that… That you’re it for me. My knock-it-out-of-the-park homer. My Guernica. My one and only, till the end of the line.” A tremor quavered his bottom lip—blink and you missed it. “So if you’re not sure—”

“The fuck I’m not.”

“If you want to explore—”

“Oh, yeah, I’m definitely gonna find someone better than the guy who brought me back to life.” Bucky huffed, bullish. “Taught me to be a person again.” Another huff, this one with added bluster. “Shut the hell up with that nonsense, Stevie. I know it’s just your kindness talking, your fairness and all, but it makes my chest ache, and I’m done with all that.”

Steve frowned. “Buck—”

“I said, shut up,” Bucky growled. “I’m the only one who can make you, and I exercise the privilege, okay?” He pushed in closer, cupped Steve’s face. Spared a second to admire how the red-gold bristles of his stubble complemented the lines of gold in his metal hand. “Only reason I ain’t asked yet is ‘cause Wilson taught me not to make big decisions when I’m going through it, and I’m still trying to figure out how much of me is old and how much of me is new. But none of me is blue anymore, Stevie, and that’s you, that’s all you, that’s everything I ever could have dreamed of, now, then, before, whenever. So I’m gonna wait until things settle down, maybe till you’re done with school and launched in your career, but I promise you, I vow to you, you’re mine, I’m yours, forever. One day we’ll put a ring on it, but until then, it’s true where it matters, and that’s between us.”

Steve cleared his throat three times—possibly a world record—shined at Bucky like a sunrise.

“Out-stubborned and out-proposed,” Steve murmured, intimate. “This is how I know you’re the one for me.”

“And don’t you forget it.”

“Never.” Steve tugged Bucky down by the collar of his tank top into a kiss, epic in its tenderness. “Never, love.”

*

Later, much later, after they’d climbed down to the lower pool, skinny dipped away from the Dora’s roving eyes, and snuck behind the cascading water for a little afternoon delight, they sprawled out on the lone patch of grass on the entire mountain. Or maybe it was some kind of moss?

Bucky didn’t care. Some dainty long-stemmed flowers fringed the moss-grass. Lichen? Bucky plucked a few while Steve napped on his chest, wove them into a ring, which he slipped onto Steve’s finger. The other, he braided directly onto his hand, the elegant white petals delicate as lace against the black and gold vibranium. Bucky folded their hands together so that the rings notched beside each other, lost himself in admiration until Steve drifted awake.

He sensed more than saw the exact moment Steve’s keen gaze locked in on the rings. He blinked, blinked, blinked, the swoop of his long lashes as glamorous as a showgirl’s feathered fan, then sank even deeper into Bucky’s embrace, his limber body languid, almost heavy. The fight hadn’t gone out of him—never would—but Steve snoozed like a man with the sweet taste of victory on his lips.

Fat as a summer orange, the sun hung low in the sky. Days ran long this close to the equator—Bucky suspected they should head out soon or risk descending in the twilight dark, but couldn’t bring himself to wake his sleeping beauty. He’d spent the past few weeks bedazzled by this pain-free, free-free life, and he couldn’t bring himself to break the spell. Something about the falls only furthered the enchantment, as if the ancestors reached down to kiss each visitor on the brow, the ultimate Wakandan blessing.

“Think Okoye would send a Talon for us if we ask those Dora real nice?” Steve’s words slurred together in a way that spoke of bliss and Brooklyn all at once.

“If we wanna hitch a ride back to Birnin Zana, sure.” They’d been camped out at the hut for the past two weeks, all the better to sex each other outdoors in relative privacy. “But you know what that means…”

Steve hummed in lieu of protest, which meant he hankered for the royal chef’s isombe, his favorite Wakandan dish. “You got a checkup with Shuri tomorrow, don’tcha?”

“Thursday.”

“Tomorrow’s Thursday.”

“It—” Bucky frowned. “Wait.”

Steve shifted to prop his head up on Bucky’s pec, shot him a wicked grin. “You forgot.”

“I didn’t—”

“The Winter fucking Soldier is having such a good time that he forgot what day it is.” Steve cackled with delight. “Buck, that’s huge. Huge!” Only Steve’s transparent glee stopped Bucky from frowning even harder. “Did you bring the sat phone? I’m calling Sam.”

“Are not.”

“Am too!”

Bucky grumbled under his breath in seven different languages. “Shift change is in an hour. We better get going if we want to hitch a ride back.”

“Nah, let’s hike it.” Steve pushed up onto his arms—had the dexterity and muscle mass to do that now—then planted a long one on Bucky’s startled lips. “Not gonna waste another night in the palace when we can picnic in the long grass.”

Before Bucky could give his ass a final, pre-hike squeeze, Steve rolled off him and sprang up to his feet. Bucky admired him all over again as he stretched, a puckish deity reawakened, his wiry athleticism, his newly defined iliac crest, his full-on, unabashed nudity against a wilderness backdrop. Maybe fell for Steve all over again, over and over, an endless, indelible descent into devotion.

He should have made him a flower crown.

“Knew the hut would win you over.” Bucky took his time rising, too entranced by the view.

“More like the fields. The river. The village. The sky.” Steve exhaled a long, wistful breath. “Here I thought I was a city boy through and through.”

“New York-bred survival skills travel well.” Bucky linked their hands to hold Steve there awhile longer, to keep him from… well, dressing. “Once you’ve conquered the urban jungle, Africa’s a piece of cake.”

Steve snorted. “Rest of Africa ain’t Wakanda, Buck.”

“Not all of it, no, but some places are pretty magical, or so Nakia’s always telling me.”

“Oh, yeah?” He didn’t notice Steve’s most mischievous smirk until it was too late. “Prove it.”

“Huh?” Bucky raised a curious eyebrow. “How?”

“Shuri gave you the official all-clear, right?” Steve moved into Bucky’s space, thread his arms around his waist. “And the Kimoyo beads do most of the work of monitoring both our progress. As long as we keep them on, maybe we can wander.”

Bucky’s heart did a little skip at the thought. “Where we wandering to, Stevie?”

“Wherever we want.” Steve shrugged. “We got two whole months and the biggest continent on Planet Earth.”

“That’s Asia, pal.”

“Whatever. Unimportant.” He beamed the sunshine smile directly into Bucky’s synapses, same as on the first day they met. “The real question is, love… where do you wanna go?”

The notion hit Bucky deeper than expected. The last time he’d completed his recovery in Wakanda, been permitted to walk as a free man for the first time in almost a century, he’d craved nothing but home. To rediscover the place he’d been raised and something of the person he’d been before.

But he’d found home again. Not just a place, but a person, a family. And he’d resurrected more of himself than he’d ever thought possible. He could live and love and laugh again.

He could live.

“Marrakesh,” Bucky murmured, not trusting his voice. “Zanzibar. Seychelles. Mozambique. Mountains in Lesotho. Safari in Botswana. Kilimanjaro.”

“That’s a lot of adventure for two months,” Steve chuckled, fond. “Maybe we could pick two or three and start there?”

“You pick, Stevie.” Because really, all Bucky wanted to do was give Steve the world. “I don’t care where we go, as long as I’m with you.”

“Nuh-uh.” Steve’s stubborn streak reared its spiky head. “This is your adventure, too, Buck. We get one each, and see how we feel later. Maybe we do a third spot, maybe we come back here for some serious hut time.”

“You’re just afraid you’re gonna miss the goats,” Bucky teased. The sky had gone from peach to magenta, which meant they better get a move on. “Those little motherfuckers get under your skin, I tell ya.”

“Kinda like this artsy barista you know.” Steve smooched his shoulder before he broke away to yank on his clothes.

“I’ll say,” Bucky groused, playful.

He kept an adoring eye on Steve as he buttoned, zipped, shucked on his backpack, careful not to disturb the delicate petals that adorned his finger. Hours later, long returned to the hut, Steve hunted down a box to preserve them, though they both delayed taking them off till the last possible second before they threw blankets over their shoulders and went to sleep under the stars.

End of Chapter 10