Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

things i want to do to minsu, number 33:
"i want to bite him. hard. right on the side of his thigh. blood would be nice, but if he didn't bleed, that'd be okay too. i'd just need to bite hard enough to make him squeal and tear up."

namgyu held his arm steady over the sink, his hand squeezed tightly in a fist, as he ran a knife blade along his veins. he felt like he deserved this, he knew he did.

it stung hard, just as he wanted it to. blood rivers wrapped around his arm, meeting in a pool and dripping off, slowly floating down the drain. a cloud that smelled like red iron enveloped him, the metallic scent growing stronger the longer namgyu bled for. he used the elbow of his knife-wielding hand to turn on the sink, that would wash it all away faster.

another cut, making crossed x shapes up his arm, his fist loosening as blood loss weakened his grip. scar tissue and healthy skin alike were ripped apart, more blood flowed, the sink water grew more polluted with crimson. there was no fresh air left in the room, all smelled of bloodshed. it felt raw, vile, fleshy and veiny. just as he wanted it to feel.

namgyu wanted this. and it was all because of a pen. a stupid fucking ballpoint pen.

it wasn't just any pen, it belonged to namgyu's one and only, his beloved, his dearest, the soulmate he longed for more than anything. and he foolishly let it run out of ink.

no more ink in the pen, the ink that his darling used, it was all gone. namgyu should have done better with it, he should have saved some of the ink, he shouldn't have used it all up, he failed. he took this as a sign, a sign that, like ink, his love for his special somebody would run dry.

just the thought urged him to hurt more. he pressed the knife deeper, gnashing his teeth together so he wouldn't howl in pain.

all over a pen.

namgyu only put the knife down once his entire arm was covered in red, and the parts of the sink that the water couldn't reach were well-painted.

the inkless pen was placed in namgyu's shrine, as most items from his sweetheart were, in a secluded corner of his bedroom. the collection grew almost every day, additions ranging from just one to several new pieces at a time. namgyu was proud of that. he hoped that the shrine would overtake the rest of his room someday.

most items were a bit bizarre. thrown away papers, food wrappers, used napkins. but namgyu loved each of them, because they were all touched by his precious.

"his lips touched that, so it has to be mine, or i'll fucking kill myself."

"i saw him holding onto that, so if i hold it too, it's like i'm indirectly holding him. i can't let anyone else touch it, only me, i should be the only one to touch him."

"it smells like him. if it smells like him, i need it in order to live."

the holy grail of his collection was a sweater that belonged to that significant one. it was a soft knitted pullover, one that had the faint scent of strawberries and pastries. namgyu held it in his sleep.

if he smelled it too deeply, he'd get disgustingly hard.

after all the cuts were bandaged, and after the pen had been added to the shrine, namgyu went off to observe his darling. he knew exactly where to find him of course, it was only natural that namgyu knew the schedule of his dearest by heart. if namgyu didn't, he'd feel incomplete.

namgyu spotted his muse as he often did, seated outside at a local cafe, eating alone, taking food in with small and dainty bites, how precious.

"he should be eating with me, i should be feeding him. if anyone else tries to eat with him, i'll bash their head in with a baseball bat."

his heart pounded, blood rushing to his head, and to something else, as he took meticulous mental notes on exactly how the object of his affection was eating. namgyu had tunnel vision, aimed at only one, he could never have eyes for another even if he tried.

the excursion was interrupted by a text, a text namgyu had the displeasure of receiving.

new text from (thanos): "u busy man?"

he ignored it, that would make it clear, that would make it clear how fucking busy he was. careful observation of his soulmate was the most important thing in namgyu's life, he couldn't just take a break to text, he would die if he spent a minute without his future husband in his sights.

new text from (thanos): "im john af lok u want tch???"

at night, namgyu would think up scenarios as he held that soft knit sweater in his arms, hugging it, squeezing it tightly as if it was a lifeline. perhaps, for namgyu, it was.

"i'd hold him this tight. nah, tighter. so tight, he'd scream for me to let go. maybe even squeak a little, just from the pressure."

"i'd kiss him so hard he'd whine for more. and then i'd give him more. and more, and more. but then i'd stop, pause just till he's panting and begging for it. fuck, that's hot."

"i'd lock him in so he couldn't get away. or i could just keep him on a leash instead. maybe both, both is good."

he'd move around in his bed, acting out scenes beneath covers, whispering wistful dialogues to himself. namgyu rehearsed facial expressions, freestyled whole conversations, all for the one he longed for most.

namgyu would occasionally take the time to masturbate, but only if he had the energy. if he did, he'd make sure that he didn't dirty the sweater he hugged, that would ruin the scent, it wouldn't smell special anymore, namgyu would punish himself for that.

no matter what he would do, every evening ended the same, with a typical final word.

"minsu, you're mine, you just don't know it yet."

"i love you."

Chapter Text

things i want to do to minsu, #47:
"i'd want to go on a date with him in public, and dress him up in a super skimpy outfit. when freaks would go to check him out, i'd tell them off, hit them if i had to. but i'd wait a minute before doing that, so i could see minsu squirm with discomfort and make icked-out faces (that's cute as fuck) he'd thank me in that sweet little voice of his for defending him."

namgyu had managed to get a decent-quality photo of minsu, and he cherished it with all his heart.

he was used to getting photos of mediocre quality, so having even just one alright photo felt life-changing. namgyu had taken it very inconspicuously; he prided himself for his method- he'd hidden himself among a group of tourists and pretended to be a foreign visitor taking a photo of the cityscape, when, in reality, he was taking photo of his future husband.

the tactic probably wasn't reusable. blending in with tourists was tricky unless they were in a particularly large cluster, which was rare, namgyu was lucky to have caught the photo opportunity. too bad it was so uncommon, because namgyu believed that this photo would be the best he'd ever take.

the image was a crisp picture of minsu preparing to cross the street, standing at the edge of a sidewalk. in it, minsu wore a soft sweater and long pants, a backpack slung over his right shoulder, gaze locked on to the other end of the sidewalk. his standing stance was awkward and imperfect and off.

how cute.

namgyu couldn't take his eyes off of it, the greatest photo he'd taken, it was just so adorable. his heart pounded so hard when he looked at it that namgyu could hear his own heartbeat thump around in his eardrums. he changed his phone wallpaper to the image, he couldn't resist doing so. he never wanted to look away, he only wanted to look closer.

and look closer, he did. namgyu traced over every inch of minsu with his eyes, a careful observation, as if minsu was beneath namgyu's microscope. namgyu took notice of minsu's weak grip on his backpack strap, his slightly hunched stance, and most of all, his pants.

minsu's pants sure looked tight around the thighs. the more namgyu looked, the more tight they appeared. they didn't just hug minsu's legs, they squeezed, and squeezed hard, and heavens almighty, namgyu was turned on by that. he'd never admit to being a thigh guy, but he undeniably was one.

namgyu could play it cool and act normal about minsu often enough, but it was so fucking difficult when minsu turned him on this much. namgyu could resist a lot of things, but he couldn't control the painfully hot feeling of arousal.

maybe watching porn would help with that.

the last time namgyu watched porn was when he was a teenager, before he met minsu. he was picky about what he'd watch, and wound up rewatching the same few acceptable videos over and over again, which led to boredom. but it had been years since that, surely there were some new developments that could help namgyu with his intense desires.

would watching that type of thing be unfaithful to his darling minsu? namgyu supposed that if he watched a video and imagined that the people in it were himself and minsu, it would be alright. he'd never be attracted to someone besides minsu anyway. it would be alright, namgyu thought.

he'd text thanos about it.

thanos was the type you'd only ever text if you needed something risqué. drugs, drinks, toys, weapons, banned or illegal items, thanos knew a guy for everything, and he could get you in contact with anyone you needed in minutes. it was a miracle that thanos was able to make so many valuable connections, considering how he was infinitely and intensely stoned.

surely thanos could help namgyu find some sick pornographic content, something that'd fit his needs perfectly.

he texted thanos about it.

(you): "hey man i need a favor"
(thanos): " GNA CALL U PICK UP#//"

namgyu's phone buzzed. he accepted the call.

"yo, ma brother!," thanos yelled, so loud that his voice peaked his phone mic, the audio on namgyu's end crunching. "what's good?"

"why'd you call me? could've just texted," namgyu muttered, turning his phone volume down so thanos wouldn't blow up his speaker.

"can't use ma hands!," thanos explained, "cuz i'm meltin' down some weed candies and mixin' em together! ya know that european store, the one with all the imported stuff from austria and russia and whatever? they sell some damn good spiked chocolate, super easy to melt down, man! i'm boutta make the ultimate experience of gettin' sugar rushed and gettin' stoned as shit!"

namgyu rolled his eyes. of course thanos was doing that. "shut up, i don't need to hear about european weed chocolate, 'kay? i need your help," namgyu demanded.

thanos perked up. "oh? what's goin' on, ma brother? thanos is here to help ya!"

"i need... i need some... videos. porn videos, but only ones with people doing... specific things, with specific kinks," namgyu explained. "because fuck, i need material, but it just- it- it doesn't do it for me unless it's got specific... qualities."

"oh, yeah, dude, i got you!," thanos cheered, voice still transmitting poorly due to his impressive volume. you could hear the sounds of bubbling candy melting in the background as he spoke. "there's this app, kinda new, 's called pentagon, maybe ya heard of it? anyway, you can subscribe to different porno artists, and you can filter em by what kinks they cater to!"

namgyu thanked thanos, with a simple and blunt "sounds perfect, thanks." and then hung up. his phone's speakers could finally rest, thank goodness, they lived to see another day.

namgyu thought throughout the day, considering what thanos had said, and told himself that he'd definitely look into the app as suggested. not for a while though, but eventually. he had to look at his minsu wallpaper photo for just a little longer...

he decided that he should also print the photo for the shrine. that was a brilliant idea, any minsu content was good content for the shrine. okay, maybe he'd take longer than just a bit to look at the app, because a potentially lengthy print store trip was in order.

new user account creation - welcome to PENTAGON
username: user124 (username available!)
password: ●●●●●●●● (security level: medium)
age: 26
interests (select at least three from the drop-down menu): sadism/masochism (S&M), bondage, public humiliation
preferred gender: male

Chapter Text

things i want to do to minsu, #66:
"i wanna take him to a karaoke bar, one that serves strong alcohol. i'd drink my ass off while he'd sing (i assume a man as perfect as minsu would have a calming voice, the type that makes flowers bloom and attracts woodland animals) and at the end of the night, i'd stumble home with him and sloppily make out with him before collapsing at maybe 1 in the morning."

namgyu spent a good while clicking around on the pentagon app, browsing different creator's pages, trying to find someone that was interesting. it had been almost half an hour of just sitting on his bed and swiping and scrolling, and in that time, he'd come to the conclusion that the world was a lot more vanilla than he'd expected.

he'd also realized that there are a few too many people interested in feet.

namgyu stopped his movements when he stumbled across a unique-looking page. something exciting, something interesting.

the creator's username was kind of cheesy. but the kinks he had listed? definitely not vanilla. namgyu's eyes widened reading the account's information, this was the last thing he expected, but god, he was so pleasantly surprised.

littleboym
age: 23
gender: transgender male
traits: submissive, bottom, rope bunny, tease, brat, pet, slave/servant, masochist, exhibitionist, victim/prey
self-introduction: "not much abt me im just ur lil boy (>< ) i whine btw"

namgyu would give this guy a try. based on his traits and intro, he seemed meek and bashful, just like minsu, that was a good sign. the content didn't have to be perfect, it just had to give namgyu something to imagine minsu doing with him; the creator's similarity with minsu helped with that.

the creator had graciously posted a free preview video for viewers to watch before subscribing.

the video was filmed in high definition quality. the man's face had been cropped out, showing only a body from the neck down. he was wearing a loose shirt, slightly oversized, dipping down to show his collarbones. he didn't wear shorts or pants, just some bikini-style panties.

"haah~ mmh-"

gentle, high pitched moans and whines squeaked through as the actor rubbed his legs together, thighs squishing against each other and jiggling. faintly, you could hear the sound of smooth thigh skin smacking softly.

"i have something special for you, daddy!"

he spoke in whispers that were loudened through editing. his voice was unsure, shy, each word a plea for acknowledgement or praise.

"please... please keep your eyes on me!"

he took out an empty can of orange juice from out of the frame. it seemed odd at first, until he spread his legs, putting the can between his thighs.

"aagh~ mmhh..."

and he crushed it.

the loud crunch of metal made namgyu jolt. he hoped minsu could do that, namgyu would give minsu all of his old energy drink cans if minsu would be willing to crush them. hell, namgyu would drink even more energy drinks if minsu would squish the cans between his thighs, potential soda-related health risks be damned.

the actor let his legs spread again, allowing the can to fall out from between his thighs, landing on the floor with a metallic thunk. his panties were completely wet. he panted from effort, breaths mixed with tiny whines.

"mm! please, ah- ah... ha..."

he paused to catch his breath, leaning in towards the mic and camera. he squirmed more, thighs rubbing together again, reaching to pull his shirt up.

"please f- fuck me hard if you found me impressive-!"

the video was cut off there. text flashed on the screen. "creator subscription required to view more content!"

this would do nicely for namgyu.

minsu woke up every morning to hundreds of notifications. he'd gotten used to it after a while, though it used to feel exciting.

he'd recently posted a new video to his pentagon page, a video of himself playing with a vibrator in the fitting room of a popular clothing store. though he didn't think it was too special, his fans, if you could even call them fans, seemed to adore it.

(new comment on "playing cute games at the clothing store!"): "awwwww my little boy you are just so cute!! next time, please consider putting the clothing hanger up there 🙏"

(new comment on "playing cute games at the clothing store!"): "40minutes???? i wish i didn't have erectile dysfunction so i could last a whole little boy vid 😭😭😭"

(new comment on "playing cute games at the clothing store!"): "respectfully if i saw you irl i wouldn't be able to stop myself"

(new comment on "playing cute games at the clothing store!"): "LISTEN UP FINE SHYT idk if u record alne or not but u BETTER b recording alone bcs if ANYONE elseh is behind the camera seeing allat im gonna b TILTED IF ITS GOTTA B SOMEONEIT SHOULD B MEEEEEEEE"

minsu knew he shouldn't be filming or posting that type of content. in daily life, he was a model figure- top-performing college student attending the most prestigious school in the area, member of student council, on track to be graduating with high honors. he had to be the best, the most well-behaved, all the time.

but it felt good to act slutty, especially in secret. the feeling of rebellion and rule breaking was tasty. a break from the strict reality minsu was forced into.

he was also pitifully shy in real life, barely able to hold eye contact with people, and completely unable to talk to strangers. online, minsu was confident. it was like a second persona, one that easily captivated those looking for a good time.

the money from paying subscribers was also nice, but the joy minsu got from getting paid was nowhere near as rewarding as the feeling of escapism he received from it all. he was a more generous pentagon creator in fact, with his subscription price being relatively low.

minsu was also kind enough to give his top donors extra benefits, such as the ability to message him privately, as long as they remained a notable source of income. usually those private chats were easy to handle, but sometimes...

(new private message): "when will you make a video catering for ageplay or watersports?? i really want it. and i've been a top supporter for almost a month!"

sometimes they weren't pleasant, and it was good to just lean into the innocent little boy persona to get out of them. he was a master at replying to comments from horny strangers on the internet.

(you): "oo m 23 yrs old!! also umm watersports?? i mean i cldddd film at a pool if thas what uu mean ><"

minsu was, ironically, a perfect candidate for the job of pornstar, and he was really, truly happy about that.

Chapter Text

things i want to do to minsu, #104:
"his chest looks big and soft, so i want to use it as a pillow. i'd get tired and sit beside him, and then lean my head down to rest on his chest. i also wanna bounce his chest around with my hands because fuck man boobs are so hot (doesn't change the fact that i feel lucky to be born flat, i only like big chests on men when they aren't me)"

namgyu had spent a solid two hours looking at porn videos and jacking off. while most people felt post-orgasm shame or disgust, namgyu didn't. he did what he did while thinking of minsu, he could never feel shame in that, anything to do with minsu was lovely, bright, beautiful.

just like the moment when they had first met.

months ago, when namgyu had just recently moved into the area, he'd gotten lost, and, by happenstance- no, by fate- he asked minsu for directions.

"hey, can you help me? i'm kinda lost."

and minsu, despite his introversion, agreed to help namgyu out.

"oh- oh, um, of- of course!!"

oh, how lovely the agreement was.

the exchange started off tame, simple "take a left" and "walk until you see this building" directions being listed until namgyu had enough information to get where he wanted to go. but, as the two were parting ways, minsu noticed something.

"ah, sir! your- your arms, are you... are you alright?"

he'd noticed old self-harm scars on namgyu's arms. reminders of times namgyu felt shitty, felt worthless, felt like he should just die.

"i'm fine," namgyu had dismissed.

and then, it happened, the moment namgyu fell in love.

oh, how bright the moment was.

minsu gently took hold of namgyu's hand, rotating it so his palm and inner wrist were facing upwards. his soft fingers avoided contact with any of the scars, carefully embracing the area around them instead.

"i think- i- i think you deserve... a fate kinder than this," minsu had murmured, ever so sweetly, ever so calmly. "i'm not gunna, um, be nosy. but... there's good in people, and i think that- it- it should be kept in a safe body."

oh, how lovely minsu was.

nobody had ever seen namgyu that... positively before. namgyu was always viewed by others as disgusting, messed up, insane. this was the very first time, throughout his entire life, that anyone was so kind to him.

the only thought about it all that his mind could come up with was "what the fuck, what the actual fuck?"

minsu's warmth in just a few moments of them knowing each other melted namgyu's heart. maybe it was fast, maybe it was ridiculous, but namgyu was captivated wholly.

he stared blankly at minsu, his heart screaming from within his chest. he had the urge to have minsu, if that urge made any sense to begin with. he needed to keep him, to tuck him away somewhere, be around that positive energy forevermore.

he needed him.

when the interaction ended, minsu probably thought that was that. the two hadn't even told each other their names, they'd probably not meet again, right?

namgyu would see minsu again. he had to, he'd make sure of it.

the search for minsu started small, by hunting for minsu's social media pages with the "find people nearby" feature of some apps. he recognized minsu through posted photos, and finally got to put a name to the adorable face he'd been dreaming of.

it got bigger after that. when minsu would upload a new post, namgyu would rush to the location mentioned in the post, hoping to find minsu there. after several failed meetups, namgyu spotted minsu outside of a grocery store.

and from there, namgyu followed him home. and from there, namgyu followed him all throughout the day. stalking, trailing, call it what you want to, it became namgyu's daily routine, and he was happy about it.

minsu was there every day. minsu was every day. minsu was. and that was all the motivation namgyu needed to keep going. everything minsu did charmed namgyu, from eating, to sleeping, to even just walking around. minsu was an angel, a holy light source that shined through namgyu's heart.

he made the mistake of mentioning minsu to a friend of his.

"you're talking about him in a way that seems... obsessive," the friend remarked. "is your relationship with this guy healthy for you? seems kinda... like, i dunno, a toxic mindset."

"i'm just in love!," namgyu insisted. "and if you don't like that i'm in love, you can kill yourself, how about that?"

"you're psych ward material," the friend snapped. "i should find this guy like you did, and warn him about you, or something."

psych ward? that place where the unwell reside, where monstrously cruel caretakers feed you cups of green sludge and force you to sleep on concrete beds? alright, maybe that wasn't entirely true, maybe the psych ward wasn't that awful, but that was what namgyu assumed about it.

assumptions aside, namgyu knew that the feelings in his heart weren't harmful. minsu was good, love for minsu was good, this wasn't obsessive, this was simply the strongest form of love, and namgyu's friend didn't understand it.

namgyu never spoke to her again after that, but that was okay, it was alright to push her out of his life. he would push away a million people for minsu, in any way they needed to be pushed.

and there namgyu was, months after meeting minsu, touching himself to a mix of porn audio and the thought of fucking minsu so hard he bled.

"shit, i'm so glad i got the surgery instead of wasting that money on college," namgyu muttered to himself. "cuz lord, am i gunna crack minsu someday."

throbbing. hard, painful throbbing. it echoed through minsu's body, tugging at all his abdominal muscles. it hurt, but it was good. it was painful, but it was pleasureful.

he whimpered loudly as he crumbled beneath the sensation of hard, achingly intense climax. he could swear he felt the sensation in some hidden part of his body, right near his cervix. this was his favorite part of filming.

wait, he was filming. shit.

minsu did his best to regain his composure and speak for the audience, he knew his audience loved hearing his dirty talk while they watched. his voice was breathless, shaky, exhausted, weak, as he just barely managed to let out words.

"that round was- haah- the best~... you filled me all up, didn't you- ah- i feel it, ri~ight in here..."

he ran a finger along his genitalia, showing off how wet he was, he was practically glistening. he moved his finger up and down before pulling it directly up, sweet orgasm fluid dripping from the finger's tip and onto minsu's thighs.

"mmh, you really fucked your baby boy, didn't you~? hah- you really tainted him with your cock... but that's alright~... he enjoyed it very much, ehe!"

minsu leaned in to turn off the camera, his chest getting closer to the camera lens being the final shot of the video. he sighed deeply.

that was so tiring. insanely satisfying, but still tiring. he rushed to edit and upload the finished video, so he could get a good break. hours of filming sucked crazy amounts of energy, despite minsu's particularly high stamina.

comments flooded in faster than expected.

(new comment on "how long can u go!! let's find out! 10+ rounds 🩷"): "jesus christ boy 😭 how long is the vid i can't even see the end??? how are you still ALIVE after this lil bro (i say this as if i won't be having fun w the whole thing no matter how long it is 💀)"

(new comment on "how long can u go!! let's find out! 10+ rounds 🩷"): "littleboym can we honestly e date? you’re so beautiful. you always make me laugh, you always make me smile. you literally make me want to become a better person... i really enjoy every moment we spend together. my time has no value unless its spent with you. i tell everyone of my irls how awesome you are. thank you for being you. whenever you need ... (click to read more)"

(new comment on "how long can u go!! let's find out! 10+ rounds 🩷"): "ok hot but when will u make a sequel to the vid where u tested flogs and whips on urself??????????????????????"

(new comment on "how long can u go!! let's find out! 10+ rounds 🩷"): "lord bring me and whoever else is reading this (THEY R READY AF) DIRECTLY to little boy's house so we (yes WE) can give him the time he DESERVES"

the fans ate up everything minsu posted, no matter how short or long he'd make it.

he wanted to experiment with that a bit.

Chapter Text

things i want to do to minsu, #126:
"i want to see him on his knees. not necessarily in an i-want-him-to-suck-my-dick way, but come on, that would be awesome too. it could be in a cute pet-like way as well though, where he has to crawl around and squeak to talk or else i smack him on the ass. he'd be so fun to play with, maybe even more fun than i'm already expecting him to be."

where the fuck was minsu?

namgyu's heart was racing, fight or flight setting in. he lost minsu, he was following minsu and he managed to lose him. to an ordinary individual, the situation wouldn't be that big a deal. namgyu was far from ordinary, so, to him, this felt like the end of the world. correction- it felt worse than the end of the world.

they say panic attacks feel like drowning. if that was the case, namgyu's head was well underwater, because he felt unable to breathe. he touched the front of his throat with his fingers, feeling for airflow. barely anything came in or out. fuck.

he knew minsu's day-to-day schedule by heart, how could this happen, where did namgyu slip up? minsu was supposed to be in his special education teaching seminar, but he never showed up. namgyu saw him leave his previous class, what the hell happened?

this was the most awful thing that could have happened. subconciously, namgyu began picking at the scabs caused by his self-harming, peeling them open. he lost minsu, he messed up, he made a mistake, and now he couldn't be there with his darling. pain, pain, pain, he needed pain. the ripped up scabs collected under his nails, blood rolling down his wrist.

the pain failed to offset the panic, which continued rocketing through his body, shocking him via heavy heartbeats. namgyu had to find minsu and never lose sight of him again, that was the only way to make things better.

life without his love was meaningless.

minsu had only ever filmed outside of his home once. it was in a hotel room, which he was forced to stay in while pipes in his apartment were being repaired. he'd never be returning to that hotel though, he was horribly afraid that the cleaning staff noticed the toys he'd brought with him. minsu could never face someone if there was even the slightest chance that they knew about his oviposition collection.

he wanted to experiment with more out of the house recording. not for any particular reason, just a nonspecific desire to do something new and exciting.

minsu decided that he wanted to use a bathroom stall at his university for filming. to make sure he didn't get caught, he snuck over to a more secluded bathroom, and waited until a time when most students were in class.

the stall was a pretty decent size. of course, it wasn't huge, this was a university bathroom after all, but it wasn't cramped or anything like that. the stall's door spanned floor to ceiling, with small gaps at the very bottom and top to let air in. the lower gap barely showed minsu's shoes, and the upper gap didn't show anything, they weren't causes for concern. he locked the door firmly, shaking the door handle to make sure the stall was properly locked before doing anything else.

he'd purchased a phone attachment that suctioned his phone to any surface, a perfect on-the-go camera setup. minsu firmly pressed it onto the stall door in front of him, ensuring it was sticking to the wall nicely.

and then, he pressed the "start recording" button on his camera app.

namgyu had searched every building minsu typically visited. where was he? he needed to find him. he needed to find him he needed to find him he needed to find him he needed to find him he needed to find him he needed to find him he needed him. namgyu needed him so badly that he was going crazy.

he grasped at his arm to hurt himself more, but the blood on his arm was starting to bother him. the dark, hardening red caused his skin beneath to itch. it ticked him off. he was already dealing with the worst moment of his life, and now his arm was itching. he couldn't take it. he went to the nearest bathroom to wash it off.

the bathroom sinks each had a button that needed to be pressed, each press giving you a small amount of water. namgyu found himself smacking his wrist bone onto the button while holding his bloody arm beneath the pathetic waterflow. he watched as chunks of scab mixed with blood and water and flowed down the drain.

it took several minutes and a lot of upset button mashing to get his arm clean. just when he thought his bathroom woes were over, namgyu realized there was nothing to dry his hands with. no paper towels, no rags, not even one of those ugly hand dryers that you have to vertically lower your hands into.

he could just wipe his arm off on his shirt, but it was still a little bloody, and he didn't want it to look like he stabbed someone. namgyu could just let his wet cuts dry naturally, but that would take away time from his search for min- did somebody just moan?

the noise was unmistakable. someone in the bathroom moaned, loudly.

namgyu observed each stall. open, open, open, open, out of order, open, closed. the stall closest to the exit was closed. whoever was in there had to be the one making those unholy sounds, namgyu was sure of it. he crouched down to get a look at the person's shoes.

hold on.

black sneakers, with a golden strip along the middle of the sole? minsu wore shoes just like that. was minsu in the university bathroom, skipping class to jack off?

namgyu never would have expected that. minsu was perfect by definition- kind, helpful even to strangers, an academic overachiever. even his language was pristine, as he would never cuss. clearly, he'd never be the type to do anything vulgar. at least, that's how it seemed.

but minsu evidently had a nastier side to him.

and namgyu was so into that. because, as a perfect compliment to minsu's nastiness, namgyu was a bit of a pervert. just a bit. a very big bit.

he rushed into the stall next to minsu's, started a recording on his phone, and sneakily held his phone up to slide it through the upper stall gap. namgyu had to treasure this moment, this discovery of minsu's secret pleasure fulfilment.

"aahh~ mm... ah- my glasses! one- hah- second-" minsu squeaked in a hushed tone, his bashful embarrassment audible. god, he looked pathetic pushing his glasses up with the hands he was using to open himself up for the camera.

namgyu imagined that if he were fucking minsu, he'd wind up breaking minsu's glasses with how rough he'd be.

he took a mental note, "if i wanna smash minsu, i need to make sure his school glasses are off."

Chapter Text

things i want need to do to minsu, #158:
"ever since i saw him getting all freaky in that bathroom stall, i decided i need to do something at least somewhat public with him (made that decision way back in note 130) i need to fuck him in one of those fancy old classroom buildings at his university. that's literally what needs to happen. i don't make the rules it just needs to happen oh wait shit i do want to make the rules. i want to make rules for him to follow and watch him obey. that would be so cute i think i'd audibly say aw (that would be so cringe of me lowkey but whatever)"

it was around noon, the day after the magnificent bathroom fiasco, and minsu was eating lunch at the university cafeteria like nothing had ever happened. he hung his head down with embarrassment, an embarrassment nobody else would ever be able to understand.

his head jolted up when he heard the sound of someone sitting across from him, followed by the smack of a plastic food tray being placed on the table.

"hey, man! what's going on?," the newcomer asked. his voice was kind, his energy was friendly, and his tray was filled with mostly fried rice and kimchi.

"gyeongsu, can- can you put your tray down quietly next time, please?," minsu pleaded shyly, looking back down. "and wh- what's up with all the kimchi..?"

gyeongsu beamed. "fine, fine, i'll be more quiet for you. and the kimchi is because i've been on such a mission lately! like, okay, i'm a fried rice truther, i think it's the best thing they serve here, i always get it. but dude, i swear, there's no perfect compliment for it, so i'm doing this crazy new tactic. throwing things at the wall, seeing what harmonizes, you know how it goes."

"and today's attempt at harmonization is... a- a pound of kimchi?," minsu teased. minsu was not good at teasing, so though his attempt to be snarky was clear, his tone was still his typical meek one.

gyeongsu's facial expression changed to a frustrated pout. "dude! you're one to talk, half your tray's full of tteokbokki!," he whined. "anyway, what language did you do for your undergrad foreign language requirement?"

"you- you're just going to change the topic, alright," minsu remarked. "um, i- i took english. why're you asking?"

gyeongsu took a minute to stuff his face with fried rice before responding. "oh, damn. i chose german- huge mistake by the way- and i was wondering if you chose it back then, because my teacher for it sucks! and i was kinda, sorta hoping we could complain about her together..."

minsu began poking at his food, trying to take a bite, but it was hard to eat at the school you secretly filmed porn in, the shame was just too intense to take a break and eat. "um, you can... just complain about her anyway. e- even if i don't know her."

gyeongsu took another bite of fried rice, this time with a piece of kimchi on top. "mmh-" he swallowed hard. "awesome! alright, so she teaches most of the german language courses at the school, right? well, that sounds cool, but i- allegedly- look so much like one of her first year students that she calls me by his name! and, okay, you might be thinking that i should just ask her why. i did, but mind you, she forced me to do it in german. in german! i went to her office outside of german class to talk to her about this, and she still makes me speak german!"

someone else came to sit at the table, a third food tray gently being placed on the table.

"hiya, semi," minsu politely greeted, giving the new arrival a tiny smile. he kept poking his food. he told himself that if he stared at it and messed with it long enough, he'd eventually be able to eat it.

semi pointed at gyeongsu's tray. "is this that harmonization thing you texted me about earlier? you took kinda a lot of-"

"semi, you can't be judgy, you eat the gross cloudy-looking soup!,"gyeongsu shouted. "look, eh! your soup looks like a ballroom dancer washed her hair in it!"

someone from a neighboring table leaned over to ask gyeongsu to quiet down. he crossed his arms in protest, but agreed to talk at a more reasonable volume.

"what were you guys talking about?," semi mused. "sorry, i, like, kinda interrupted the vibe when i sat down."

"i was just whining to minsu about my german teacher," gyeongsu explained. he took another bite of his harmonization combo, a piece of rice sticking to the corner of his mouth. "basically, she mistakes me for some other guy, and always forces me to speak german."

semi nodded. "alright... continue."

as gyeongsu yapped on, minsu tried to take just one bite of food. he picked up one rice cake, bringing it close to his mouth. he could smell its intense spice, he could practically taste it. now was the perfect time to take a bite-

what if gyeongsu or semi knew?

what if, somehow, by some strange means, they knew about the video he'd filmed in the bathroom, and they'd seen how depraved he was. what if, what if, what if. if they'd seen it, they probably saw minsu differently, picturing him as a disgusting whore, or maybe even something worse. what if they knew about the video, deemed him a slut because of it, and then hid their knowledge to make minsu believe that everything was okay?

minsu put the rice cake back on his tray, tuning back into gyeongsu's rambles to try and distract himself from the horrible thought.

"...make things worse, when she said the word for eyes in german, which is augen, but i totally forgot what it meant!," gyeongsu ranted. "so i asked her to clarify what she was trying to say using korean, but she completely refused! and she just- she- she pointed to her eyes and made the craziest frown."

semi, who had been drinking her soup, put her bowl down onto her tray. "so she mistook you for some other guy because of your eye colour? is she for real?"

gyeongsu slammed his hands on the desk. "man, that's what i've been saying! she was all, oh, but you both have brown eyes! yeah, so do most people, what do you mean, woman!"

their group received another noise complaint, once again because of gyeongsu.

there was a collective moment of silence among them. gyeongsu ate his food harmony, minsu kept looking down at his tray, and semi was staring at minsu.

"you okay?," she asked minsu, placing her hand on the table for him to hold.

minsu accepted the invitation, gently squeezing her hand. "mhm. fine... just- just tired is all."

his food began to go cold.

namgyu did not like seeing someone besides himself holding hands with minsu.

"i'm gunna stab that bitch," he muttered to himself. "women like her can't keep their hands off of men. minsu shouldn't be around that type of person. minsu deserves better, he should have friends as perfect as he is."

he watched from a distance as gyeongsu held out some fried rice and kimchi for minsu to try.

"maybe that loudmouth should be the first to go," namgyu considered. "cuz at least that girl isn't obnoxious."

at times like these, namgyu caught himself wishing he had a gun. a special gun, one that would never be able to hurt minsu, that way he could freely fire at all the lame assholes of the world, and not have to worry about any accidents.

namgyu pictured coming home covered in blood, and being greeted by a cute househusband minsu, who would lovingly wipe all the blood off of him, drop by drop. oh, and in this fantasy, minsu was in a maid dress because of the whole househusband idea, but that wasn't too relevant overall.

minsu would probably say some charming little frets like "oh dear, are you hurt?" and "how did you get so dirty?"

and namgyu saw himself replying to each sweet worry with "stop asking questions, i do what i do because i love you."

Chapter Text

things i need to do to minsu, #189:
"i'm going to lock him up forever. he doesn't need the outside world anyway. it's full of ugly disgusting women who want to tempt him and keep him away from me i'll kill that bitch i'll kill that bitch i'll kill that bitch i'll kill that bitch. oh and university fucking blows he doesn't need to attend that. okay maybe i'll let him finish university since he's almost done with grad school but after that i'm keeping him here with me. i'll chain his ankle to my our bed and every day i'll feed him by hand, sleep with him, stick it in him. if he needs to use the bathroom, i'll let him, but i'd have to be right outside the door, no exceptions. and if he wants to bathe, i have to be in the bath or shower with him, and i'd hold onto his waist real good during that. i don't think anyone gets as turned on as i get when i imagine minsu's body."

namgyu went home that evening pissed off beyond belief. that girl made him so unbelievably angry. "anyone who has the audacity to grope my darling like that should suddenly get super suicidal and kill themself," he thought, hoping that, by some miracle, wishful thinking would bring his twisted ideas into reality. of course, nothing happened, and that only made namgyu more rageful.

trains of thought were slashed in half when a notification hit namgyu's phone, cracked screen lighting up.

new notification - new video on PENTAGON:
(littleboym uploaded a new video: "trying to not get caught in a public bathroom!! mediocre attempt i suck (>< )" tap to watch now!)

perfect, lovely, porn was a great fix for hateful woes. namgyu opened the video with a furious tap, one filled with so much spite that you could hear it.

the video opened with a- hold up. something about the setting felt familiar. was it the colour of the bathroom walls, or perhaps the way the toilet flushing button in the background looked? namgyu was turned on as hell at the footage, but kept his hands out of his pants in order to investigate, pinching and panning the video, trying to get a good look, trying to find out why the scene gave him deja vu.

ten minutes in, namgyu was frustrated, both mentally and sexually. what was up with this goddamn video?

he was racking his brain, trying to think of anything that could relate to the video. "minsu was doing something like this in the bathroom yesterday," namgyu recalled, "but there's no way he'd ever upload himself doing that shit. no shot, he'd be a secret slut and a secret camboy. no fucking way."

and then, he heard it.

"aahh~ mm... ah- my glasses! one- hah- second-"

minsu said that. just as namgyu started recording minsu, he'd said those exact words.

namgyu's eyes widened. this wasn't making him any less upset, no way, it was making him feel even worse.

namgyu had read comments on videos uploaded to the littleboym channel before, and laughed at how thirsty they were. he pointed and laughed about comments implying that they wanted to genuinely fuck a faceless porn artist on the internet.

but that faceless figure was minsu. namgyu had joked around about sexual comments about minsu.

"fuck everything."

(new comment on "trying to not get caught in a public bathroom!! mediocre attempt i suck (>< )"): "u should film stuff inn cosplay i don't think you ever didtaht befr but it would be hot like dress up asa cute anime girl with a skirt os something."

(new comment on "trying to not get caught in a public bathroom!! mediocre attempt i suck (>< )"): "MMM DELICIOUS MMM SOOOOO TASTY I NEED THAT LITTLEBOYM-USSY IM NOT ASKINGIM BEGGING"

(new comment on "trying to not get caught in a public bathroom!! mediocre attempt i suck (>< )"): "title is tru af i bet you DO suck 🤑🤑🤑 do you want a sugar daddy i'm available sweetheart"

(new comment on "trying to not get caught in a public bathroom!! mediocre attempt i suck (>< )"): "aaaaaaaand its all over the screen. gomen! ur just too sugoi, m-chan!! 🙏😭"

minsu was disgustingly proud of himself.

he went into a university bathroom, played with himself while recording it, and uploaded the act onto the internet. all by himself, despite the fears and anxieties that came with it.

he felt brave. who knew all it took to become a courageous person was to film porn of yourself at school?

minsu spent his evening reading comments and texting his top donors- one of them was still begging him to make some type of watersports video, but minsu kept declining, since he only took requests from those who were respectful and not pushy- so the night was highly productive.

all productive evenings must come to an end though. just before midnight, minsu decided to officially end his day. he gave himself a mental pat on the back, he deserved it. today was good, yesterday was good, and tomorrow would certainly be good as well.

he got ready to sleep, taking his time with each step. he brushed and flossed his teeth, checked his email one more time in case any professors sent late-night announcements, he put some lotion on his face, and, finally, got cozied up in his bed.

he put his phone down, as a notification caused his screen to glow.

minsu told himself that checking just one notification before bed wouldn't hurt. how bad could it be?

new notification - new commenter on PENTAGON:
(new comment from first-time commenter on "trying to not get caught in a public bathroom!! mediocre attempt i suck (>< )"): "i love you so much i would literally bleed and die for you. if you don't believe me that's okay, someday you will. the proof of it will last forever."

oh, that was-

new notification - new comment on PENTAGON:
(new comment on "trying to not get caught in a public bathroom!! mediocre attempt i suck (>< )"): "every other commenter is a fucking fake if youre reading this and youve ever posted something freaky on one of his posts i hope you kill yourself. i'm his only real fan, i'm the only one who could ever treat him right and if you think you can you're a delusional POS who deserves psych ward hours"

not very kind-

new notification - new comment on PENTAGON:
(new comment on "trying to not get caught in a public bathroom!! mediocre attempt i suck (>< )"): "littleboym i may not be one of those 1%er top donors but i'm so in love. i need you so bad it's unfair that we're kept apart through a screen like this. i'm the only one you'll ever need because i dedicated my entire life to you. i'm going to kidnap you someday. i want our blood to mix together. i love you."

not very kind at all.

a boy like minsu shouldn't tolerate that kind of behavior in his comment section. a boy like minsu should be appalled at statements like that, they were threatening and possessive and frightening.

but instead of getting upset, he was getting wet.

Chapter Text

things i need to do to minsu, #222:
"i need him to sit on my face. insane statement, i know. still need it though. his big squishy thighs and that adorable ass would go nicely right over my mouth. i'd totally lick his thighs from underneath them, i'd bite em too (not as hard as in idea 33 though i think). i can kinda sense that he'd not wanna put his full weight on me, but i'd insist he should. minsu my love i could care less about suffocation. i love you. if i have to die someday i want to go buried in your soft skin. am i whipped if he was cool with it, i'd even drink some of his blood from his thighs, i'd get underneath them and squeeze his skin super tight so it'd gush. those anonymous internet pieces of trash could never."

namgyu drew power from hatred, so leaving rude comments on pentagon made him feel like a king amongst men.

insult after insult, threat after threat, namgyu did all he could to take down the losers who thought minsu was theirs. he said whatever he had to, no matter how cruel, all for minsu. if namgyu was a king, minsu must be a deity, since a ruler would only bow before a god.

people tried to fight back, making measly attempts to rebuttal namgyu's words, but nothing was enough to stop a man consumed by pure, unholy adoration. some might call it a case of lovesickness, but no, lovesick wasn't the right word for namgyu's mental state, it wasn't strong enough.

lovemaddened would be a more accurate term.

namgyu didn't sleep that night. he tried to sleep at around five in the morning, to no avail. he couldn't rest or relax when he knew that every second, new comments about minsu would be uploaded to pentagon, comments with wicked intentions, remarks that he had to save minsu from.

you know what they say, typing out the phrase "kill yourself" is mightier than the sword.

minsu woke up to hundreds of comments, all from that one particularly aggressive commenter he'd gotten familiar with the night before.

he read through each new comment, taking his time to really analyze each one, practically feeling his eyes move as he glanced over each word. read, scroll to the next comment, read, scroll to the next comment.

when minsu finished reading, he decided that he thought this stranger was really fucking hot.

of course, they seemed rude, but on some deeper level, minsu was attracted to that. and even better, the contents of their posts, aside from the meanness with which they spoke to others, really got minsu going.

the mention of this stranger kidnapping him was especially enticing. they'd first mentioned it the night before, but they went on to bring it up again in more recent comments as well. each time minsu reread the word, the better the idea seemed to him.

was it wrong to be interested in that type of thing? minsu knew kidnapping was wrong, and that any sort of person-taking was against the law. thankfully, his lust was powerful enough to cancel out those thoughts, so minsu could blissfully daydream.

"i'm going to kidnap you someday."

minsu pictured waking up in some strange location. tied up or restrained, maybe even blindfolded if the executer was into that. he'd be somewhere new and foreign, but he would sense some tension between himself and his captor.

"i need to kidnap you right now."

his keeper would observe him like an apex predator, keeping a close eye on minsu's every move. when the time was right, they'd finally start getting handsy with a helpless minsu, touching, rubbing, squeezing.

"the day i finally kidnap you is the day my life will have peaked."

the once terrifying scenario would eventually devolve into something sexual, minsu was convinced of it. he'd give in and submit quickly to his kidnapper, hopefully they would praise him for that. minsu would be just as happy if they degraded him instead.

he climaxed from the thought alone, no touching necessary. it hit harder than a truck, orgasm always did for him, sharp throbs between his legs rocketing through his body. he moaned quietly as a hand reached up to cover his mouth in surprise, an involuntary movement.

it felt glorious, better than any of his on-camera climaxes. this person was doing something to minsu, something new and odd, but also something satisfying and pleasureful. he wanted to chase it, he had to.

"please kidnap me," he silently pleaded. "i need to be kidnapped by you."

(you): "this unblocking is super temporary i just wanted to tell you i'm super close to getting minsu to like me back."

(bitch with piercings): "are u sure u arent being delulu"

(you): "fuck you he's literally about to be in love with me. actually as we speak he is in love with me rn yeah"

(bitch with piercings): "chill out??? u blocked me over some gen concern i showed for u all the way back in JUNE and ur trying to act like im in the wrong for being unsure about what ur saying. get off ur high horse and talk to me calmly"

(you): "how m isupposed to be chill when your literally all lovey dovey hand holdey with him"

(bitch with piercings): "u seem to remember my psych ward comment but u dont seem to remember what i said after, i said id try to keep him safe and keep him away from u, remembering that should explain things, ur welcome"

(you): "whatever i can't bechill youre a bitch go fuck yourseld"

(bitch with piercings): "ok why are u texting me then if u cant b mature?????"

(you): "idk i thought maybe you would apologize for your shitty behavior back then if you knew how genuine and two sided and awesom my love is."

(bitch with piercings): "this convo is making me want u in the ward even harder. seek help man, i mean it, talk to someone if u need to, hell if ur desprate u can text me just please do something because ur actually sounding insane rn!!!!"

(you): "kys"

(bitch with piercings): [ messages from blocked contacts could not be received ]

Chapter Text

things i need to do to minsu, #256:
"i need to put him in a skirt. now i've got plenty of reasons for this, but the main one is easy access. it's a whole lot easier to fuck when you don't have to worry about getting his pants and yours far off enough to do it. if minsu wore a skirt i could just lift it up. yeah. i'd want the skirt to be pretty short, but i'd also want it to squeeze around his waist all nicely (why don't people get that stomach rolls sticking out over the waist lines of clothes is super adorable, also why are people so embarrassed when they get stomach rolls??? they're perfect for pinching and biting) if i don't make that man sing i'm going to loooooooose it"

there was one good side to minsu being littleboym's real identity, a silver lining for namgyu to relish in.

through the videos minsu posted on pentagon, namgyu could learn more about minsu's kinks, and perhaps even discover some new sexual interests of his own through it. he chose to spend a study session analyzing minsu's posts, even preparing a notebook to write down minsu's specific turn-ons. namgyu had never put this much effort into studying before, not even in school. only for minsu.

the minsu kink list started off more on the tame side, and grew more obscure as namgyu found dirtier and dirtier videos.

#1: bondage (tie him up)

#4: wax play (wax him up) (DON'T BURN HIM)

#10: pet play (collar him up)

#13: i forget what it's called but i can use him as my footstool and he'd be into it (furniture him up)

after writing down around fifteen things minsu was into, namgyu discovered a paraphilia he'd never heard of before through the title of a particular upload. he thought he'd seen it all, but he apparently hadn't.

the video was titled "cute ovi play vid in the hotel room 💛 (wanted to film at home but my shower exploded)" and was shockingly long, sitting at around an hour.

"the fuck is an ovi?," namgyu half-whispered, riddled with confusion. the only way to find out was to watch an hour-long video. or to just look it up, but that would require admitting that he didn't know something, namgyu would never do that.

for the first five minutes of the video, minsu was displaying some kind of demented toy to his audience, holding it up with both hands. it looked similar to a dildo, except it had a gaping hole through it, almost like a straw. its outer form was covered in dents and bumps, creating an alien cock type of feel.

"it's so cute, isn't it!," minsu cooed. "i'm not sponsored, but if anyone's curious, this is the nine-inch model! it fits most of the usual add-ons, you don't need to worry about getting anything else if you already have the materials for this kind of playtime~"

fits most of what?

"also, i tried it once before the recording... it doesn't scrape, that's- gosh that's really good!"

scrape what?

"oh, and one more thing about it before i get started~ there's a suction cup you can buy to stick it places, but- um... i didn't get it, sorry."

ah, that minsu shyness was seeping in to his little boy persona, namgyu thought that was charming. he could listen to minsu's stutters and stammers all day long... wait, stick it where?

namgyu paid close attention as the video continued. the next five minutes of the film's run time were filled with minsu showing off some new toys. small, round, egg-like toys.

"these aren't too big, they come out ju~ust fine... but, i understand some people like to watch a slower process, so i'll drag it out a few times!"

minsu picked up the previous toy again, putting some of the egg-like forms into the dildo's hole, allowing them to fall through.

"look, they fit!! i'll have a good time with them, won't i? let's get started, huh?"

minsu got into his usual sex position, and-

"wait, what the actual shit?," namgyu snapped, voice at full volume. "is he really gunna-" he fast-forwarded the footage, skipping all the prep and buildup, cutting straight to the interesting stuff.

namgyu stopped skipping around, landing on a part of the video showing minsu, dildo three quarters of the way up his hole, putting those egg-like toys into himself with said dildo, pushing them up the tube-like toy and into his body. he was actually doing it.

minsu moaned and whined as he added another egg. "more, more!," he squeaked out. "uwa- it's so comforting to be- ngh- so full..."

namgyu paused the video. he needed a moment to write.

#16: the thing with the eggs (mpreg him somehow) (look into if i can smash while the eggs are inside) (also look into how much money he spent on those toys, buy more for him if they aren't too expensive)

a bit weird, a bit odd. but namgyu's mindset was "if minsu can cum from it, i can too."

minsu's mind was absorbed by the words of an internet commenter. this was going to ruin him, wasn't it?

he'd organized an intense midterm study session with gyeongsu in the university library. they'd stocked up on snacks and drinks, brought every notebook they owned, and made so many flashcards they couldn't even keep track of them.

minsu tried his best to focus and pay attention, he made a genuine attempt. nothing could get his mind off of the idea of a handsome stranger whisking him away, making minsu into their plaything.

"hey, minsu, did you forget i'm quizzing you or something?," gyeongsu yelled out, cutting through minsu's brain fog like a sharp knife. "do you need me to ask the question again?"

"oh! oh, um, yeah, sorry, i just- i thought too long about it," minsu lied. "wh- what was the question?"

gyeongsu cleared his throat before repeating himself. "what are the required documents needed for a student to get a personal aide in class? damn, dude, you wrote these flashcards formally. they're three-by-fives, how'd you even fit all that?"

"uh- they just need- the student needs official d- documentation showing that they- that they have a condition necessitating the help of an aide in class," minsu responded, confident in his answer after his many hours of study.

gyeongsu confirmed that the answer was correct with a big thumbs up. "you got it! quiz me next, alright?"

minsu was once more too absentminded to respond.

Chapter Text

things i need to do to minsu, #289:
"this is basically an appendix to entry 281 (the one about writing my name all over his skin under his clothes so if someone else tries to take them off of him they'll know he's taken) i realized that body ink can be dark so it can show through lighter clothes, which would just be awkward for him, and i would never want to embarrass my beautiful, handsome, charming, lovely, sweet, precious darling minsu. so i did some research, henna can be lighter than body ink, and if you spray it down with deodorant, it won't smudge. editing my previous statement, i need to print my name on his skin using henna or something similar and NOT body ink, entry 281 is now dumb"

namgyu thought living was the dumbest thing about life itself. staying awake was dumb, because your brain would think stupid thoughts, and you'd get frustrated. but sleeping was also dumb, it was a waste of time, your brain could be doing so much more if it was awake. people were so dumb for both staying awake and sleeping.

especially gyeongsu.

namgyu didn't view gyeongsu as much of a threat to his love for minsu in the past. things were different now, perspectives had changed completely. as namgyu carefully observed minsu and gyeongsu's study session, he noticed some minor incidents, small details that he wasn't a fan of.

the first of these instances was when gyeongsu passed a flash card to minsu, and their fingers touched briefly. two fingertips, a brief tap, the passing of a paper card, seemingly no big deal. to namgyu, it was cause for concern.

"that fucker is trying so hard to touch minsu," namgyu had convinced himself. "what a loser. minsu will never love you, no matter how close you force yourself to get with him. just give up."

but then, as if to add salt to the wound, namgyu overheard gyeongsu talking all sweetly to minsu. disgusting.

"oh, yeah, dude, you know how i was hoping to go to that fancy garden cafe for my birthday?," gyeongsu prompted minsu as he clicked his mechanical pencil. no lead came out. just give up.

minsu nodded. "mhm, i- i remember, yeah," he affirmed.

gyeongsu went on, "well, i checked the weather because it's super soon, and it says it's gunna rain! and it would suck mega hard to try and eat in the rain, so... i was thinking we go to the cafe the day after, and on my actual birthday, we can just... chill at my place. i dunno. what do you think?" if that was some kind of date plan, it was lame as hell. just give up.

"i'd love to come over," minsu murmured, his gentle fingers running along the edge of one of his notebooks. he was just so warm, so innocent, so unaware that the stranger he'd began admiring was just around the corner, wishing on his study buddy's downfall.

"i need to see that smug asshole hanging in the streets," namgyu decided, but the idea would have to wait until he was done with his minsu kink research.

it wouldn't be waiting forever though.

minsu was in pain when he got home. he knew what the pain was from and succumbed to it, curling up on his bed and putting a blanket ball over his stomach.

no filming today, how disappointing. he'd been wanting to film something special for his dedicated new fan in the hopes it would tempt the commenter into kidnapping him sooner rather than later.

he opened pentagon anyway, scrolling through comments on random videos instead of pressing the upload button.

(new comment on "( black screen ) just sucking/kissing sounds 🩵and some whispering but not too much"): "ho else gooned to this vid so hard theyblacked out, woke up 2 days later, hit their head, blacked out again for another 2 days and then gooned again????? just me??? heh i'm just a pro like that ig."

(new comment on "ok fine!! just for u i'll take two at once"): "lord do NOT cleanse me of this sin i WANT To remmember this nut 😭thank u always little boy WE LOVE U OUR KING"

(new comment on "playing cute games at the clothing store!"): "soo storytime this vid is howi fond out my roommate is gay. he caughte me watching and wasnt upset or wierded out he actually admitted to alsowatching little m's content. now we get freaky over this adorable bby boy together <3"

(new comment on "body display!! squish test on my body, upper + lower"): "If littleboym has million number of fans i am one of them . if littleboym has ten fans i am one of them. if littleboym have only one fan and that is me . if littleboym has no fans, that means i am no more on the earth . if world against the littleboym, i am against the world. i love #littleboym till my last breath.. .. Die Hard fan of littleboym . Hit Like If you Think ... (click to read more)"

the scrolling and reading was interjected by a call from semi. minsu picked up instantly. semi was his closest friend, his kindest friend, his ability to immediately reply to her was faster than any other reflex of his.

"hi!," minsu squeaked, hugging his blanket tight.

"hey! sorry for the sudden call, i just wanted to talk to you about something kinda serious," semi stated. she was upfront and honest, traits minsu really admired about her.

the words were worrying, so minsu decided to repay semi's honesty with some truthfulness of his own. "you're- you're making me worry," he admitted, "can you- can you tell me quickly to just get it o- over with?"

"yeah, sure. minsu, i don't want you to freak out, but there's this guy i used to be friends with, and one day, before you and i even met, he started talking about you, in this weird, possessive kind of way. and he texted me recently, saying he was gunna make you fall in love with him, that he was super close to making you date him or something. please, just- be extra cautious around any strange people who might try and talk to you, 'kay?," semi explained calmly. she phrased her statements carefully, avoiding minsu's anxiety trip wires.

the explanation went over a little too well. minsu's mind immediately started jumping to conclusions, most of them wildly irrational.

"someone's trying to kill me!"

"the police are after me, they're gunna arrest me for posting on pentagon!"

but one thought.

"it's that commenter, actually looking to kidnap me!"

one thought was one minsu enjoyed, rather than one minsu worried about. he was getting giddy about the idea, his dreams were really coming true, how fun!

"thanks for telling me, semi," minsu replied, masking his excitement. "i'm really g- grateful to have you as a friend."

the call ended there.

Chapter Text

things i need to do to minsu, #322:
"i need to make sure he's always safe and healthy. if he gets hurt or sick or feels sad, it's my fault, so i should man up and be responsible for him. i've been reading health articles online, not sure how trustworthy they are but who cares so i can take good care of minsu. i actually learned from one website i found that you sleep better when you're next to someone you love. thank god because i have not had good sleep in years, sleeping with minsu will totally fix me. it'll do more than just fix me actually, i think sleeping with minsu next to me will make me ascend to a higher state of being or some other form of mythical-level BS"

namgyu wanted minsu to post on pentagon so badly it was painful. the hurt pierced through his heart and soul, his craving needed to be quenched, and it needed to be quenched as soon as it possibly could be.

he'd watched every video of minsu's at this point, even taking the time to save a collection of his favorite ones, most of said favorites being very long and loud. as much as he enjoyed them, he still wanted more, more minsu was always best.

as if on cue, namgyu received a pentagram notification. he grabbed his phone and sat down on his bed, leg bouncing as he read.

(new subscribers-only announcement from littleboym): "cant post today!! (>< ) if you know me well u probably know why, will post as soon as i can!!!"

oh come on.

namgyu anxiously rubbed his face with his hands, tugging down on his cheeks and pushing back on his hairline. there wasn't enough minsu in the current moment, he needed more minsu. he stood up and walked over to his shrine corner, like a hypnotized zombie whose only action was to seek out his darling.

and he picked up that photo he'd taken, the highest quality photo of minsu he'd ever gotten.

minsu only ever messaged his top donors in private, as a perk for their devotion. if others would message, he would deny their request to chat, in order to keep exclusivity to DM's.

maybe his cramps were affecting his brain function though, because he really wanted to message his future kidnapper- oops, he had been trying to think of the stranger as a new fan, and not get his hopes up about their words being truthful.

it would be wrong to betray his donators by opening a private chat with someone not among their ranks, he would be lying to them in doing so. it wouldn't be the kindest choice, not in the slightest, but it would get minsu and his admirer speaking one-on-one, he would be so happy about that...

and who says the donors had to find out about minsu breaching his exclusivity deal? surely he would be able to keep the ordeal on the down low, because he's a smart boy, everyone said he was.

minsu sent a curt message request.

(you sent a message request to user124): "heyy um when u commented abt kidnapping me were u fr??"

god, making a bad decision felt so good.

okay, it felt less good after a few moments of sinking in. minsu's heart was pounding so hard he swore all of his ribs were vibrating from it. he was being mean right now, he was betraying his biggest fans, all because he wanted some stupid kidnapping fantasy to come true.

the stranger was typing up a response. minsu felt sick waiting to see what they'd say.

(user124): "thank god you texted im jerking it to you rn i need you so bad also yes i will kidnap you"

minsu felt his face warm up. he shouldn't have enjoyed reading that text as much as he did.

(you): "thats so hot like srs"

(user124): "you think im hot?"

(you): "ya i do, based on ur words!!"

(user124): "thats so funny youre so funny. im gnna fuck you so much its actually unbelievable"

(you): "if i wasnt having the worst cramps evr id join you in touchin myself ><"

(user124): "have you considered it would be cute of you to just do it anyway"

(you): "but they r period cramps! im bleeding"

(user124): "if you do it and send a proof pic ill kidnap you sooner how about that?"

minsu reached into his pants and tapped the crotch spot of his panties. wetness had seeped through, wetness made with a mixture of arousal fluid and blood. his abdomen felt like it was being stabbed, and moving to touch himself made the feeling worse.

he slipped two fingers under his panties. beneath the fabric, minsu was even wetter. more fluids, more blood, it was unbelievably messy.

he reread the texts he'd just gotten as he rubbed at his entrance, teasing himself. he was so happy, he was so excited, he couldn't wait to actually be in this person's grasp.

he put one finger in, then the other shortly after, forcing them both in and out of himself with vigor. in, out, in, out, delectable squelching noises coming from the action. over and over and over.

"please fuck me," minsu begged, gentle whispers aimed at someone who wasn't even there to hear them. he sped up his finger thrusting as he spoke, "kidnap me, use me, kidnap me, use m-"

minsu's orgasm hit hard, so hard he felt his toes curl and eyes roll up. his thighs squeezed together, trapping his hand in his pants. his throbs were sharp but satisfactory, giving temporary relief from his cramps.

he paused to catch his breath before taking out his phone.

namgyu held up that photo of minsu. it was dirtied now, bodily fluids lightly coating the part of the image that clearly showed minsu's face.

as much as namgyu loved the sensation of climax, he wished he could cum in huge, gushing ropes like guys from eroticas, so he could truly coat minsu with his love. the best he could do was a little wetness, better than nothing at least, and the photo would be easier to clean with less of a mess to be remedied.

once he'd wiped down the photo and placed it back on the shrine, he checked his phone, to see that minsu had sent a photo.

it showed two of minsu's fingers, covered in fluids, captioned, "not sure what other proof to send, did my best for you!!"

namgyu grabbed the photo off the shrine again.

"one more round would be alright," he reasoned. "and, if minsu texts again, maybe another round after that would be okay too."

Chapter Text

things i need to do to minsu, #352:
"i need to show him this list someday. i wanna wait until the list is at least like 1k notes long or something, and then read each entry to him while watching for his cute reactions. some of them i might not show him though, like this note. i'll probably avoid showing notes that i'm not fully sure he'd be into, like the note where i talk about that fantasy of mine with all the needles that i was hoping to do in the closet. i also need to show him all the other notes i took on his preferences, to show him just how dedicated i am. i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you"

in addition to his shrine, namgyu had a smaller collection, a set of items he'd bought for minsu, little things that he thought minsu would like. that way, when the time came, and minsu was finally kidnapped, he would already have belongings to treasure and call his own in his new habitat.

most of the items weren't sought out. namgyu just stumbled upon them, went "minsu would probably like that" and took them home with him. he typically didn't plan minsu-themed shopping trips.

he certainly wanted to go on one, though.

(you): "what do you need"

(littleboym): "???"

(you): "for living and being comfortable in your house and shit idk"

(littleboym): "i like having a lot of blankets in my room!! (><) not sure why but m always getting cold at night even if its summer r smth so blankets r the best"

(you): "will buy for you. kidnapping should be nice and comfortable"

(littleboym): "you don't need to go out of ur way to make the kidnapping pleasant rly! it is already!"

(you): "shut up i love you let me treat you good."

namgyu technically didn't have infinite money, but it sure felt like he did.

his parents wanted him to go to university, to study hard, to get a fancy job and work his way up the "corporate ladder," whatever that meant. namgyu promised them both that he would, before running away with all the money they'd saved up for him to attend a good school, and never speaking to them again.

the amount wasn't small by any means of the word. in fact, namgyu's parents were on the wealthier side, so the college fund they'd saved for him was impressive. at first, namgyu rationed his funds; he wanted to go as long as he could without having to apply for a job. he did well at that, but he started spending more when minsu entered the picture.

he wasn't mad about it. he'd spend anything and everything on minsu, even if he had to get a job- ick- to afford to do so. he was devoted, obsessed, as though his heart was carved to beat alongside minsu's.

where was he? ah, right, blankets for his beloved.

namgyu was the opposite of minsu in the blanket regard. he didn't like the weight of blanket layers forcing him down, so he only slept with one. the difference in their preferences wasn't an inconvenience to namgyu though, he planned to wrap and swaddle minsu up in blanket after blanket, and put one final layer over the both of them.

namgyu's first stop on the minsu blanket mission was a plush toy store. by namgyu's logic, if they sold soft plush toys, they'd also sell soft blankets.

they did not sell blankets. namgyu's logic was completely wrong. oh well.

despite the complete lack of the item namgyu actually wanted to buy, he made a purchase. he bought minsu a small plushie, of some white and blue creature with a pouty-looking face. what was it? namgyu had no clue, but it was something small and cute, just like minsu, and that was what mattered.

his next attempt- a visit to the home goods store- was far more fruitful.

the store had a whole wall of shelves hosting only cozy blankets, ranging to every end of the size, colour, and texture scales. perfect. namgyu found blankets, some toy critter was in his bag but who cares, and he had all the time he needed to get the best blanket possible for minsu. so, so perfect. nothing could go wrong-

"excuse me, young man?"

an short older woman, in her seventies by the looks of it, decided to approach namgyu for help. namgyu didn't want to get mad at some sweet old lady, but when anything minsu-related was interrupted by anyone, no matter who, namgyu would be fully and entirely pissed off.

"can you help me reach the one on the top?," the lady politely asked, gesturing towards a blanket on the highest shelf.

namgyu begrudgingly grabbed the blanket and passed it to her. "there you go," he grumbled. he was trying so hard to be nice, to ignore his frustration and not be rude to this polite stranger, but anger was a full body experience for namgyu.

"oh, thank you so much!," the woman gushed, rubbing a hand along the blanket. "your kindness will serve you well in life, your future girlfriend will definitely appreciate it!"

"i'm married," namgyu snapped back. "i don't need to worry about getting a girlfriend."

the woman was taken aback, down turning her gaze. "ah- i see, my bad. good for you!" she walked away stiffly and swiftly, leaving behind an air of awkwardness.

namgyu grabbed two blankets and left.

(you): "i got two for you"

(littleboym): "thank u so so sooosososdoso much! again u rly didnt have to!!"

(you): "i know. i love you"

in his mind, namgyu had a little world of his own, one he'd retreat to when he was upset. he'd find a secluded space- usually his bedroom- and he would take a visit to the universe in his head.

in his mind, namgyu and minsu spent every day together. in his mind, namgyu and minsu were never apart, not even for a second. in his mind, namgyu and minsu were married.

he let his imagination spill out when he blurted out that he was married to that lady. his fictional daydreams were weaponized and used as lies.

whatever, it didn't matter. namgyu insisted that his dreams would become reality, both realms slowly becoming muddied as they would blend together, forming a perfect life for namgyu and minsu both.

namgyu and minsu namgyu and minsu namgyu and minsu namgyu and minsu namgyu and minsu namgyu and minsu namgyu and minsu namgyu and minsu namgyu and minsu namgyu and minsu namgyu and minsu namgyu and minsu namgyu and minsu namgyu and minsu namgyu and minsu namgyu and minsu

together forever in a world built on daydreams.

Chapter Text

things i need to do to minsu, #399:
"mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine"

(littleboym): "todays the day right!!! im so so soso excited!!! (>< )"

(you): "you remember where to go right"

(littleboym): "yesyes i practiced the route yesterday!!"

(you): "good boy."

what started as an online exchange now resulted in the actual, physical, well thought-out kidnapping of minsu.

the planning for the event had been tricky. early on, minsu showed a lot of guilt over missing school, so namgyu made the decision to allow his victim to attend online. he even gave minsu a grace period to adjust his classes.

"why are you requesting to change your schedule so suddenly?," minsu's advisor had asked.

"i just... i- i want to try and get a job," minsu claimed, "a- and it's- it's good to have an open schedule. you know, when- when you want a job."

the advisor nodded, accepting minsu's answer as truth, and replied, "good to see you're taking more steps into the professional world. i'll do what i can to accommodate you, and things should work out nicely, seeing as you're an honors student and all."

and, sure enough, all went well. heavens bless online asynchronous schooling.

namgyu also took the liberty of creating a set of house rules for minsu, having minsu read each one over and agree to them. simple, basic rules to create a happy home.

RULES LIST
1. don't go outside or try to leave in general
2. do what i tell you to (if you really don't want to then be honest with me about it)
3. don't leave my sight (unless you have to piss) (i do have to be on the other side of the door when you piss though)
4. we have to bathe together (so you don't drown)
5. i must be behind the camera for every pentagon video
6. don't tell anyone where you are and turn location service off on your phone
7. text whoever but if they drop any hints you need to tell me and we talk about what to do
8. i will buy you stuff, you need to use it or try it at least twice
9. tell me if you're horny or on your period (i will take care of you)

rules for a very normal, happy home. one fit for a normal, happy couple.

minsu agreed to follow all nine rules, and didn't request any changes or alterations. namgyu was ecstatic about that.

finally, namgyu didn't want minsu missing his apartment, so he instructed minsu to put his most valued possessions in suitcases, suitcases that namgyu would personally go and pick up once minsu was taken care of.

everything was ready.

after school on the fateful day, minsu declined his friends invitations to hang out.

"maybe next time!," gyeongsu offered.

"take care of yourself!," semi encouraged.

there would be no next time, but gyeongsu and semi didn't know that. what would they do if they knew they'd never see minsu in the flesh again, if they knew there would be no more hugs, study sessions, or meals together? minsu tried to avoid thinking about all that, it would just make him sad.

he said his final goodbyes, and walked away.

namgyu had told him to head to a specific area just off-campus. minsu taught himself the route over and over, so he wouldn't fumble on the best day of his life. the spot was an alleyway of sorts, a secluded area between apartment blocks with no energy or activity- the perfect location for all sorts of sketchy behavior.

minsu was trembling in excitement, and part of him was even turned on. he was getting kidnapped by a stranger who wanted to ruin him, and he thought that was the best thing that could ever happen to him. the fantasy was unconventional, but so was minsu's whole lifestyle.

something clicked. something snapped. minsu whipped his head around, trying to find out where the noise was coming from.

a tiny smile crept onto his face, he was getting unbelievably giddy.

hands reached out and grabbed him from behind, causing his stomach to drop. thin arms wrapped around minsu, one hand covered his mouth, the other squeezed his abdomen.

minsu strained slightly against the restraint, turning his head to catch a glimpse at the stranger who-

"stop squirming," his captor instructed. "i have some black market knockout drug to put in your system, but it's an injection for some fucking reason, so stand still."

such a commanding voice, it made minsu's heart flutter with joy. and ah, what a stern presence too, minsu wanted to melt into the man's arms there and then, but he resisted, standing up straight and holding still.

the world fell black.

"and you're sure this wears off in an hour?"

"man, like, trust me. my guy told my girl who told my, uh, shit- what do you call the third option? i know it's like, not a man or a woman, no gender at all... aren't they called- uh- uh- oh yeah, illegal aliens! so my guy told my girl who told my illegal alien that this drug is, like, super effective, wears off nicely, not drowsy."

"are you high?"

"no, i'm the legend thanos."

after an hour of keeping a drugged-out minsu in his bedroom, namgyu was getting impatient. his illegal substance wasn't working as advertised, who would have seen that coming.

but minsu was there with him. minsu himself was lying on namgyu's bed, completely asleep, gently breathing, curled up all cutely.

minsu was finally there.

namgyu couldn't help but reach out and touch minsu's hair. soft, affectionate pets of the head, done with only namgyu's fingertips. minsu's hair was fluffy, namgyu wanted to cut pieces of it off to add to the shrine.

minsu was finally there, and the longer namgyu sat beside minsu's body, the more his heart raced, and the heavier his breathing became, until all namgyu hear was his heart and his breath. he was panting, practically drooling, his mouth hanging open. he wasn't crazy for this, this was just love. really, really strong love.

minsu was finally there, and the whole room was ready for him to wake up. everything namgyu had bought for him was laid out nicely beside the bed, all waiting for minsu to see. the room was cleaned and tidied up for the most part, in an attempt to impress minsu with namgyu's neatness. even the shrine was dusted and polished, each piece being cleaned thoroughly.

minsu was finally there.

it was as if namgyu had tunnel vision, because he felt physically unable to look away from minsu. minsu was his beautiful view, a type of gorgeous sight that would be found in a museum or art gallery.

two hours of waiting.

namgyu sat by minsu's side for two hours, waiting impatiently for him to wake up, petting him, doting on him, adoring him.

minsu's stir began with soft babbles.

"mmh... mm-?"

namgyu watched as the man beside him began to squirm, moving his hands and arms first, then slightly stretching out his legs. minsu's eyes slowly fluttered open, his gaze blurry as he looked up at the love-hungry namgyu.

what namgyu saw was his beautiful angel, finally his, finally awake from his cute bit of rest. this was the single greatest moment of his entire life. he practically had hearts in his eyes.

what minsu saw was a fuzzy image of a tall, handsome guy drooling over him and breathing quickly.

"good morning, darling," namgyu announced, lengthening the end of his words in an almost whiny, nasally way. "i'm so happy to see you. you're as pretty as a doll, you know."

minsu did his best to reply. "i- mm. sorry... sleepy..."

it was clear now that not only was thanos wrong about the drug's effective duration, but he was also wrong about it being a non-drowsy substance. but what can you really expect when you buy from a man who thinks non-binary people are illegal aliens?

"take your time," namgyu insisted. "and once you're awake, we can talk."

Chapter Text

things i want to do to minsu, #1:
"if anyone ever looks at this list, i think they'll call me crazy. but i'm not crazy, i just love a man, and there's never anything wrong with love unless you're a pedo but that isn't my point. anyway, the first thing i want to do to minsu is to kidnap him. i can't do anything to him if he isn't with me after all, so i need to get him by my side somehow. it'd be really fun too, the feeling of taking him for myself sounds like such a power trip. and the cute surprised face he'd give when he wakes up and realizes his life and mine are stuck together forever? i'll love it."

"i think i'm- i think i'm good enough to talk," minsu weakly declared after a few minutes of waking up. he went to sit himself up, prepping his arms to push his upper body, but namgyu grabbed onto him, pulling minsu into his arms rather than into a nice seated position.

"don't strain yourself," namgyu ordered. "you're still lame and tired from that shitty drug, so lie down, darling."

minsu looked up at namgyu, tilting his head back. "i- i'm darling?"

namgyu thought the question was silly at first. of course minsu was his darling, he wouldn't have done any of this if minsu wasn't his beloved. but, minsu was new to namgyu's world, he just didn't understand, like a pure little boy entering a haunted house, and reminding himself of that made namgyu see the question as endearing instead.

"of course you are!," namgyu insisted. "you're mine, so i'm calling you darling. you can give me some couple-y nickname too, if you want."

minsu paused, biting the inside of his lip, pushing his finger against the outside of his mouth to get a better chewing angle. minsu was just such a perfect angel, even when he was tearing his own skin open with his teeth.

finally, he spoke again. "um, alright... i'll try and think of something. can- can i ask you some stuff? now that i can- uh- face you and all." a bit of blood was caught on minsu's lips as he spoke. namgyu wanted to lean over and lick it.

"yeah, yeah... like i said, let's talk," namgyu muttered, distracted by the blood. minsu's bottom lip was bigger and more plump than the top one, it looked so soft and pouty... the blood shone nicely upon it, in an almost tantalizing way. was minsu ever not gorgeous? could he do anything unsexy? namgyu didn't think so.

"um, why did you- why did you pick me, and how- how did you pull all this off? w- was there someone else before me that you...?," minsu rattled off. he'd clearly put thought into what he'd be asking beforehand.

and namgyu had already been thinking of potential questions and responses for his first real talk with minsu, so he was prepared to reply. "i didn't pick you exactly. like, yeah, if given the chance, i'd pick you, but... i didn't need to, cuz the universe made us to be together. i just knew you were meant to be mine the moment we met, and that was that. do you remember it? you guided me, both literally and in my heart."

minsu shook his head.

"you held onto my arm, and you told me i deserved better," namgyu went on, "and you're the best, which means being with you is what i deserve."

he watched as minsu's eyes slowly lit up, a sign of remembrance.

"it- you were that guy i- i helped you that day!," minsu pieced together, sounding almost proud of himself for figuring it out. "i- i had no idea i affected you like that..."

namgyu's grip on minsu tightened, creating a firm squeeze around minsu's body. "you didn't just affect me, you changed my entire life. if you didn't show up, i probably would have killed myself by now. my life has meaning with you in it, minsu. you make me smile, you make me feel happy, you make me want to say 'aw' out loud, which is super cringe, but you're so cute i'd do it anyway. i-"

"if you get to know my name, can- can i know yours?," minsu politely interrupted, even raising his hand as if he was asking a question during one of his university lectures.

minsu wanted to know his name? namgyu was so excited, his sweet minsu would finally know his name, maybe he'd even say it out loud. his breathing sped up again, his heart joining in the overwhelming cacophony of elation.

"it's namgyu, my name is namgyu," he told minsu, voice shaking from joy. "say it. say my name, minsu."

"are you alright?," minsu fretted. "you're- your breathing is all-"

"say it now," namgyu snapped. "you agreed to the house rules, so listen up and do what i tell you to. i need you to say my name because i love you, and i'll know you love me too when you say my fucking name."

minsu was a bit frightened at the scene. namgyu switched up on him so quickly, a type of psychotic pendulum of emotions that couldn't be tamed. in hasty response to the mania in namgyu's behavior, minsu replied quickly and clearly-

"namgyu."

it was everything namgyu had ever dreamed of.

that precious voice, the saccharine melody that soothed namgyu's heart down to each string, saying his name aloud, in such a heavenly tone. "i need to hear him more," namgyu thought, "i need to hear him say my name again, i need to hear him ask questions again, i need to hear him scream, and cry, and whine, and moan, and shriek at the top of his lungs."

namgyu's state worsened as he felt happier and happier, the sensation drowning him. the biggest grin adorned his face as he gasped for air.

minsu was in a strange emotional limbo, somewhere in between terrified and turned on. something about being wanted this badly, something about being drooled over like he was a tasty meal of prey for namgyu was an insanely powerful turn on. it scared him in such a good way he was practically throbbing.

namgyu was too happy to remember what other question minsu had posed. he knew something was left with no response, but he wasn't sure what. "what else did you wanna know about?" he asked.

"i was wondering if... if you did this for anyone else," minsu recalled. he hoped he was special, he hoped namgyu only ever acted this way over him, he so selfishly wanted to be namgyu's first and forever.

"anyone else? don't even mention other people," namgyu ordered, sounding defensive. "i've never gone this far for anyone else, i've never loved anyone else. minsu... this was all for you, and only you."

namgyu only behaved this way because of minsu. minsu was at his most satisfied when namgyu was on his mind. namgyu and minsu were clearly meant for each other, anyone could see it.

namgyu's building excitement made him sound frenetic. "there's more than just this, by the way. i have gifts for you, and i need to give you a tour, and-"

minsu's smile was distracting.

Chapter Text

things i want to do to minsu, #2:
"i'll say something tame now, since i feel like the rest of these notes will mostly be me saying some pretty insane shit. i want to kiss him. i want to kiss him so hard he whines, but not too hard. we'd slowly melt into each other's arms, and i'd push him against a wall, bed, i dunno man something, and kiss him even more. over and over. i noticed that he puts on berry scented lip balm, so i think he'd taste like berries too. i'm gunna try and steal his lip balm so i can use it too, then it'll be like an indirect kiss."

namgyu presented each gift to minsu as though he was offering to a god, bowing his head as he handed off each item for minsu's inspection.

"you- you really didn't have to do all this!," minsu fretted, his face bright red as namgyu presented yet another offering, this time a cute pyjama set for minsu to wear.

"i know, but i love you," namgyu firmly dismissed, shoving the gift into minsu's hands. "please just- you're too nice, minsu. you keep worrying about me feeling like i have to do stuff, you worried about it when we were planning all this too... but i love you so much, and i want to do all of this, so don't get so anxious. 'kay?"

minsu gave a hesitant nod before turning his attention to the- which gift was this now? thirtieth? something like that. he rubbed the clothing between his fingers, taking in the texture. "it feels... really cozy, wow!," minsu praised. "but- but- what if it isn't my size?"

namgyu smirked. "i know it'll fit, don't worry. i've learned a lot about you during my months of yearning super hard like some kinda loser." he grabbed another present- that plushie he'd recently bought- holding up and displaying it to minsu.

"you're- you- you treat me like i'm s- some deity," minsu stammered, taking hold of the new present. he squished the toy, patted it on his head, and even smiled down at it as if it was a real cute animal. "so many gifts... i'm not a god you need to-"

"yes, minsu, i don't have to do this, we just talked about this!," namgyu whined, finally out of gifts to give. "you're not necessarily a god, sure, but you're my angel, so i'll give you gifts because you fucking deserve them!"

minsu took a deep breath in, his exhale so loud namgyu could hear it. minsu's breathing was so precious.

"i'll really try to not worry so much around you," minsu declared. "and... i love being your angel, namgyu. n-namgyu... i'm pronouncing it right, aren't i? oh gosh, i'm already worrying again, i'm sorry!"

his name. minsu said his name again. somehow, namgyu's heart raced even faster, his stomach was queasy with overjoyed emotion, his whole body was energetic. "this is actually the highest point of my life," namgyu mentally announced.

namgyu was really struggling to give minsu a thorough house tour.

he knew the route he wanted to take minsu on, he remembered to point out each important room... the problem with namgyu giving minsu a tour was, ironically, minsu's presence itself.

as minsu roamed around the house, his thighs would jiggle and shake with each movement he'd make. every step caused a ripple of force that shook up his thighs and down again.

and namgyu, being the world's biggest thigh guy, couldn't look away. he got that tunnel vision for minsu again, his gaze entirely locked.

"do you have a shower or a bathtub here? o-or both!," minsu asked, looking around for the bathroom.

"both," namgyu blurted out, unable to make eye contact with minsu. eye contact? what's that? namgyu would rather make thigh contact.

minsu took notice of namgyu's... unique choice of focus. "my eyes are up here!," he meekly reminded.

namgyu blinked, finally looking up. "oh, sorry- i- minsu, i just- shit, i'm not sure how else to say it, i just really love your thighs."

silence filled the house as namgyu stared at minsu, and minsu slowly started heating up and blushing red. it was awkward, but of course it was, this was their first day together in person after all.

"...you can- you can bite them, i- if you want," minsu offered.

minsu was just perfect for namgyu, wasn't he.

during the kitchen part of the house tour, namgyu enthusiastically popped the question "what do you like to eat, angel?" to minsu.

"i- i'm not a huge fan of meat," minsu admitted. "it's just chewy and strange to me... but i like fruit! i like fruit, and spicy food, so i'm kinda... the opposite of myself? in a way?"

"i hate meat too, so we're similar in that way," namgyu affirmed. "we're similar, minsu! that's just beautiful." he did his best to refrain from gushing over minsu any further, the day was already awkward enough, but refrain was painful to pull off.

minsu giggled. "it is! i- i really love the way you talk, c- calling little things beautiful like that... what about you? what do you like to eat?"

namgyu, fully love-drunk, replied with a dazed, "you."

for their first night together, minsu wore the pyjamas namgyu had gifted him, and brought the plushie he had been given into bed.

"you want him to be on the bed too?," namgyu teased, pointing at the stuffed toy. "i was hoping it'd just be the two of us, minsu!"

minsu caught on to namgyu's lighthearted tone, and replied with a similar joking attitude. "uh- oh, oh- he- he says he refuses to sleep without someone with him!" he held the toy up to his ear and nodded, as though conversing with it. "he r- requires to be held, too!"

"then, if he can require you to hold him, i demand to hold you!," namgyu shouted, yanking minsu closer and squeezing him tight, making minsu let out a loud squeak.

"y- you shouldn't be so rough with me!," minsu whined.

namgyu chuckled. "why's that?"

minsu closed his eyes in shame. "cuz- cuz if you- if you toss me around too much, i'll get turned on..."

namgyu couldn't sleep. he stayed up all night looking at minsu.

he'd observed minsu sleeping many a time before, but never this close up. he could practically see every pore on minsu's face from this distance, it was amazing. this was new and special and completely divine.

namgyu watched and listened as minsu breathed, the up and down of his lungs moving the blankets on the bed, the blankets namgyu had set up just for him. minsu's face was at peace, entirely relaxed, blissful. his hands gently held the soft toy, embracing it lightly, how adorable.

the moment was stunning, heartwarming even.

namgyu put a hand into his pyjama shorts.

minsu was just too sweet and charming, namgyu couldn't possibly resist touching himself a little. just a little! only for a bit! and then he'd go back to watching minsu normally, he swore he would. it would all be fine, this totally wasn't weird! besides, minsu's pre-bed outburst made namgyu feel this way, so it technically wasn't namgyu's fault that he needed to take care of business.

namgyu spent longer than he was planning to with a hand down his pants, all while minsu was sound asleep next to him.

Chapter Text

day 2 of living with minsu:
"he's super gentle with everything, more gentle than he is at his own home. he flinches when he shuts a door too loudly, and walks around really slowly with his feet all tiptoey like a rabbit. i think he's been doing it so he doesn't mess up my house. but it's his house too now, he can do whatever he wants in it."

minsu was on his phone a lot during the second day. he'd lie around the bedroom and living room, typing furiously, his nails tapping against the screen.

"what're you up to?," namgyu asked, after listening to hours of minsu typing.

minsu, flustered, quickly turned off his phone to look at namgyu. "um- so- at school, i- i have a couple of friends... j- just two, nothing crazy! but... they noticed i wasn't at school yesterday, and they worried i was sick, so... i'm reassuring them that i'm okay, basically!"

namgyu didn't want to be bothered at the idea of minsu spending time with other people besides himself. he wanted to be comfortable with letting minsu have friends, he didn't want to be an asshole. he could kind-of-sort-of tolerate seeing minsu around other people, though it was a thin ice type of situation, but hearing minsu talking about spending time with others? that voice namgyu loved so much, speaking words about people who didn't even love him the way namgyu did? it ticked off every recess of his heart.

"don't talk to them too much," namgyu warned in a stern yet shaky tone. "if you talk to them too much, you'll miss them, and then you'll want to leave. a- and you agreed to the house rules, minsu. you can't fucking leave, minsu, do you understand?"

he looked at minsu with wide eyes, expression filled with the same panic a recently caught murderer would have. he was spiraling fast, hardly blinking, breaths erratic.

minsu gazed back at namgyu, facial expression like a deer in headlights. namgyu was frightening, namgyu was possessive, namgyu was...

really, really attractive when he got like this.

"c'mon, answer me!," namgyu prodded, voice growing louder. "minsu, you can't leave, you can't talk to people who'll make you wanna leave, you-"

"namgyu," minsu interrupted, "i'm never leaving. i- i don't want to go outside ever again, when you're all i need, and- and you're right here."

need.

that's right, namgyu and minsu needed each other, in some disgusting, carnal way, by some means that possessed them to do all of this. it was always a need, always had been.

"good," namgyu praised, his breathing stabilizing again. "you're so good for me, minsu. but- just- don't pull that shit again, it scares me."

day 3 of living with minsu:
"this morning, after i took a shower, minsu came to sit with me in the bathroom while i dried my hair. he got all sleepy and woozy and had to take a nap after. fan sounds make him really sleepy, so i'm going to buy some really soft towels to use instead, that way the hair dryer won't put him to sleep every time he needs to dry off."

the moment minsu's eyelids began to flutter awake, namgyu murmured a soft "good morning" to him.

namgyu had sat beside minsu for his entire nap, which lasted a good hour or so. he only got up once to get a glass of water for minsu to drink after waking up.

minsu groaned a little as he sat up. "sorry, namgyu... i just- gosh, i should've told you..."

"it's fine, it's fine," namgyu reassured. "you're cute when you sleep. you're always cute. ugh, you're so cute that i just- it makes me get all aggressive, i wanna rip your head off. not literally. i wanna metaphorically rip your head off because you're so cute i actually can't stand it."

minsu couldn't help but giggle. "well you're so handsome that i- um- that i'd- i wanna kiss you...? agh, i can't compliment like you can..."

namgyu scoffed, leaning in closer to minsu. "that was a great compliment actually, cuz, i mean, i think we should kiss too."

minsu wanted to say something. he stuttered, stammered, fumbled, but nothing tangible came out of his ramblings. until, finally, he managed to say, "i've never been kissed before."

namgyu brushed it off. "oh minsu, i could tell. the freakiest pornstars are usually guys who've never actually kissed or fucked anyone."

minsu looked away, squeezing his eyes shut. shame was welling up within him, he felt like he was a massive loser. not just because of his obvious lack of kissing history, but also at the reminder of his pornstar status. no matter how hard he diverted his vision, no matter how far he pulled back, namgyu kept staring at him. it practically hurt to be looked at.

"minsu, c'mon, it's good that you're a virgin!," namgyu insisted, patting minsu on the head as though minsu was some kind of house pet. "i can teach you about these kinds of things, angel."

if namgyu was his teacher, minsu would always be ready to learn.

day 4 of living with minsu:
"i have to teach him how to kiss. how adorable is that? we set up a time tomorrow for me to show him what kissing is like. this is fucking awesome"

the time was right for minsu to be taught, and namgyu was anticipating the instruction. to begin the lesson, namgyu prompted minsu to "sit down on the bed, and get comfy."

minsu did as he was told, as was expected of a star student such as himself. he adjusted his position to face namgyu while in a good sitting pose, looking up at namgyu with those innocent eyes of his. and, without a word, namgyu raised a hand to minsu's cheek, caressing him, but also giving his face soft squishes.

the prey was in the hands of the hunter.

minsu was drawn in towards namgyu by that hand, ever so slowly. the pace was both agonizing and tantalizing- drawn out just enough to create an aching sense of longing.

namgyu's eyes were closing. minsu knew he was supposed to close his eyes to kiss, but he wasn't sure when that was supposed to happen, so he took namgyu as a cue, closing his eyes just barely after.

the darkness added to the anticipation, causing minsu's heart to race. it was happening, it was happening, he'd finally get a kiss, and it would be from the one who truly loved him.

when lips collided, it unlocked a whole new feeling in minsu's body. the warmth that graced his lips gave him a full body sensation of romance, a warm and cozy buzz that travelled from head to toe. he was hungry for more already, he wanted this to last forever, he wanted the warmth forever.

was this what love felt like?

namgyu pulled away briefly to take in a gasp of air, making minsu whine from the loss of contact.

"you like it- hah- you like it that much?," namgyu breathed out. "yeah, i- ah- i'm gunna kiss you more, so i can keep hearing that pretty whine of yours..."

he went back in, kissing minsu harder now, moving his hand from minsu's cheek to his head. the gesture seemed innocent enough at first, until namgyu gripped minsu's hair, tugging it lightly, holding his head in place carefully. minsu's lips were soft.

another break.

"p-pull harder," minsu gasped out, "please."

as namgyu went in for another kiss, just before that beautiful feeling of touching lips, he pulled up hard with his hand, yanking minsu's hair upward. it stung all across minsu's scalp, forcing an even louder moan out of minsu, one that came deep from within minsu's chest.

namgyu gave only a quick peck this time. "good boy... keep making those noises for me, minsu."

minsu hadn't been drunk before, but he thought that this was what being drunk must feel like, because he felt unbelievably happy, a level of elation he didn't think could be felt.

another break, another kiss.

namgyu was forceful, namgyu was demanding. all of namgyu's movements felt almost terrorizing, as though minsu was his ragdoll to push around. his chapped lips pressed forcefully against minsu's. minsu didn't fight back, he was submissive, he was too delicate to even attempt to take control away from namgyu.

another break, this one shorter, followed by another kiss, this one longer.

they were starting to get sloppy, saliva painting their lips. the couple grew hungrier for each other, an insatiable craving. need.

need was a recurring theme in their relationship. they needed to kiss, they needed to live together, they needed codependency, they needed each other in every way.

they both refused to stop kissing until they became too physically exhausted to keep going.

day 5 of living with minsu:
"okay so kissing minsu is the best thing. it's just too good. it's like a drug, but one that i'll never be able to quit, and one that's clearly super addictive, cuz it got me after the first dose. i'm going to try and set up another lesson with him, a lesson in sex, because if he whines that much just from making out, i think his whines from getting fucked will send me to heaven. or hell i might deserve that to be honest"

"minsu, you haven't been using your phone as much lately," namgyu remarked.

minsu gave a curt nod. "mhm! i- well... i still text people. but not as much! cuz i... i wanna spend all my time with you, honey!"

honey. of course that was the nickname minsu chose for namgyu. a nickname as sweet as its creator, how fitting.

namgyu smirked at minsu, and replied with an enthused "keep calling me that."

Chapter Text

day 7 of living with minsu:
"i've been able to take notice of a lot of new minsu facts now that he's finally living with me in my our home. like for example, if he hears a noise and can't see where it's coming from, he turns all the way around and assumes it came from right behind him. and also he worries a lot about things like headaches and other little body pains. on day 6 he had a stomachache and thought it was a stomach tumor. he cried a little over it, but i gave him one of my anti acid pills and he was fine. it's funny how such a smart guy can think so irrationally."

like namgyu had instructed, before his departure from his previous residence, minsu had put some of his belongings into bags and suitcases, for namgyu to pick up later. it took a whole week for the final bag to arrive, since namgyu spread out pickup dates to avoid suspicion from neighbors.

"this one's heavy, the fuck did you put in here?," namgyu grumbled as he lugged the baggage into their bedroom.

minsu hopped over and took a look at the bag. "oh, this- ah- um. it's the one with my toys in it."

namgyu looked at minsu, then back at the luggage. minsu, luggage, minsu, luggage. he processed for a moment before bluntly asking "minsu, this weighs a concerning amount. how much did you spend on all this?"

minsu brushed off the question, not wanting to admit to the sheer amount of money he spent on sex toys. "it's- gosh, it sure is good that you- that you brought them! cuz i- i really gotta wash them! i clean them after each use, but, um, i like to do a deeper cleaning every couple of months."

"i can't believe i'm outnumbered by vibrators in this household," namgyu snarked, rolling his eyes. "when you're done cleaning them all, put 'em back in the bag and under the bed, 'kay?"

"can i keep jus- just one out so i can film s- something?," minsu pleaded, putting on a begging puppy face for namgyu. it was highly persuasive and super effective! namgyu folded immediately, giving a sharp nod of approval.

"i'm actually- um- not to be rude, but- i'm surprised you're- uh- letting me film," minsu admitted, as he prepared the bed he and namgyu shared for a typical pentagon filming session. he removed personally identifying items from in-frame, he made sure the bed looked aesthetically acceptable, and he made tools for the inevitable cleanup easily accessible, just in case.

namgyu had been given minsu's phone to film with, since he'd previously volunteered to play the role of cameraman. he was adjusting the settings, the brightness, the layout, eyes glued to the screen. "it's- i have this whole thing planned out," he murmured, continuing to tinker with the camera, "basically, i wanna slowly and slowly become a bigger and bigger part of your videos, until i'm actually on screen, and then all those basement-dwellers will have to watch as their cute little boy is claimed by someone other than them. hot as fuck, right?"

minsu nodded along as he fluffed down the bed's blankets. "mhm!! that- that's really an amazing idea, namgyu... i- i'm so happy you thought of it!"

what a good boy minsu was, always agreeing with namgyu!

with one final weak smack of the bed, minsu was done with his preparations. he sat down on the edge of the bed, crossing his legs neatly. "a- alright!! you can start the recording already, and i- i'll just edit out the setup..."

and with those words, the button had been pressed, and namgyu was eagerly watching through the screen.

minsu took his clothes off at a snail's pace. a bit too slow for namgyu's liking, but he understood the idea of wanting to keep a potential audience excited. once they were off his body, minsu folded each article of clothing and put them to the side, though he only folded them in half. a valiant effort, to be organized but not a complete one.

namgyu thought minsu was just so radiant. that soft skin of his picked up nicely on video, his somewhat nervous expression made him sweetly endearing, and oh good heavens, his body. it was the most beautiful body namgyu had ever seen. minsu's thighs looked even bigger when sitting down without pants to hold them back, how tasty-looking. and, as if the universe was trying to make namgyu get all hot and bothered, minsu's squishy tummy rolls were on display, tempting namgyu to just reach out and pinch them...

"namgyu, do- do you have any lube?," minsu squeaked out. it was sudden, knocking namgyu out of his utterly thirsty mindset, just briefly.

namgyu, entirely unprepared, replied with an awkward non-answer "oh, uh, i don't- shit, i don't think so. i just use lotion to jack off, so... i probably don't have any lube. can't even remember the last time i used it."

"i- is- can- is it safe for me to use lotion too?," minsu wondered. "i- i should play it safe, i think... i'll buy some later, a- and just film tomorrow!" he grabbed his shirt from his pile of semi-folded clothes just as he threw in the towel, prepared to give up completely.

but namgyu wasn't having it.

minsu was super sexy, this moment had to keep going on, namgyu didn't want minsu to cover up again already!

"i might have an idea," namgyu announced, just in time before minsu could start re-dressing.

the declaration made minsu's head perk up. "what is it?"

namgyu walked towards minsu, lowering the camera's aim. he didn't turn the recording off, namgyu would allow the taping to continue, but he did toss the camera onto the bed behind where minsu was seated.

and then he got down onto his knees in front of minsu.

the angle was a bit uncomfortable. the one in the seat of power had the lower ground, while the subservient and weakhearted had the higher ground.

"n- namgyu," minsu murmured breathily, getting nervous as namgyu grew closer. "what are you- what are you doi-"

namgyu pushed one of minsu's knees, pulling it off of the other, uncrossing his legs. then, namgyu put his other hand on minsu's other knee, and forced them apart with steady force, all while babbling phrases of "i'm helping you" and "just be good for me, okay?"

minsu held his upper body up with one arm, his other arm in front of his body as he covered his mouth with his hand, squeaks of anxiousness and excitement emerging from behind his palm.

once minsu's legs were fully spread apart, namgyu took some time to admire the view. minsu really was the cutest, even down there! so pink, so warm, so sensitive. namgyu adored it all.

to keep minsu's legs apart, namgyu pushed against minsu's inner thighs with his hands. minsu's thigh flesh warped around namgyu's hands, squishing against the sides of his fingers.

"your thighs are- ah- god, minsu, your thighs are so fucking good," namgyu cooed out, face just inches away from minsu's clit. "but i bet you knew that already. a guy like you can't live with a body this sexy and not be aware of it."

minsu couldn't come up with any words. he just whined. a big, loud, long whine. that hand he used to mask his voice was doing a total of nothing.

"i should learn to bake. i hear that eating a lot of cake can add even more fat to your thighs," namgyu mused. "and, like, you're already perfect, but if i ever wanna die, i wanna go between these, so i gotta make sure they're big enough to choke me out." he gave minsu's thighs powerful squeezes, eliciting more pleasured moans and squeaks. minsu sure was loud.

namgyu placed a sloppy kiss right on minsu's hole, his lips touching the folds, taking notice of minsu's sweet scent. the gesture made minsu's whole body jerk, which caused his thighs to jiggle in turn. namgyu was tempted to whip it out and rail minsu, but that's not what this was for, this was just to get minsu wet enough to film. the real fucking was for later.

minsu finally got the grasp to speak. "namgyu- n-namgyu, i- you- ha-"

"you moan my name like an experienced slut, but you have the sensitivity levels of a celibate priest," namgyu teased.

"i- mmh- i'm," minsu tried to reply, "i- i'm so t- turned on right now- ah- mm- keep calling me a- ah- a slut, please~." that pornstar tone was starting to seep into minsu's speech as he grew more comfortable.

namgyu was satisfied with that demand. "alright, if you say so. try not to scream too loudly, you fucking whore."

he started to suck.

namgyu's saliva coated minsu's folds, namgyu's tongue poked into minsu's hole, namgyu's lips pressed hard against minsu's virgin pussy. he kept his mouth on minsu's body as much as possible, taking only the shortest possible breaks to breathe, who needs the taste of fresh air when the taste of minsu is right there in front of you?

minsu's entire body shook, so hard that removed his hand from his mouth to use his arm as a stabilizer. this was way better than any toy he'd ever used, it was the best. he wanted to beg for more, he wanted to beg for everything namgyu could do to him, but words were now completely impossible. all he could do was whine as his tongue lulled out of his mouth like he was some kind of mutt.

"i- haah- i said don't scream, you little bitch," namgyu snapped, coming up for a longer breathing break. he dug his nails into minsu's thighs as hard as he could, perhaps a punishment for his volume.

"i- i'm sorry!," minsu blurted. "i'll- ah- i'll be good, i-"

namgyu gave a harsh interjection. "you'd better be, or i'll- ngh- hah- i'll hit you so hard it bleeds. you want that, you- ah- you slut? you wanna bleed for me? you- hah- you wanna be my fucktoy to abuse or something? i bet you do. and- ah- if you don't wanna, i'll fucking force you."

minsu came from that.

with one loud yelp, his back arched, his muscles convulsed and twitched, and wet slick slowly began seeping out of his hole.

minsu felt the most intense throbs of his whole life as he rebounded, hunching forward and clutching his abdomen with one hand. it was as if his womb had been pierced, despite the lack of any actual penetration.

namgyu stood up to admire his work. minsu, wet from cum and spit, sitting there on his bed, all pathetic and tired.

"i'm gunna get some water for your throat," namgyu declared. "it's probably dry from all those... noises of yours."

he wasn't sure what he expected minsu's response to be. maybe a "thank you," maybe an "alright." but namgyu certainly didn't expect a-

"it is, but- mm- namgyu? can we do this again later?"

Chapter Text

day 11 of living with minsu:
"he keeps asking for kisses. like all the time. we make out, the session ends, i leave to go piss, i come back, and he's already asking for more. this is so peak. i'm so happy he wants to kiss me almost as much as i want to kiss him. he's also been asking for me to do 'the thing' i did to him again (he wants me to eat his pussy but i think he's embarrassed to say it outright) and as much as i wanna say yes i wanna keep him needy for when i finally properly fuck him, that way it hits even harder. sorry minsu, you'll get 'the thing' soon enough, but you need to wait."

eating lunch without minsu made gyeongsu's day twenty percent less fun and thirty percent less cool, by his own personal calculations.

semi showed up to the cafeteria a decent while after gyeongsu did, so he was completely alone until she showed up. it was dull as dirt. the only benefit of sitting alone was that nobody could tell gyeongsu he was talking too loud, because he had nobody to talk to.

he spaced out as he ate mindlessly, wondering where his upperclassman could possibly be. minsu was a super good student, why would he suddenly disappear from his classes like that? he wasn't the type of guy to abandon his education, he took it super seriously, more seriously than anyone else gyeongsu had met.

when semi finally sat beside him, gyeongsu didn't even look at her.

"hey, what's your harmonzation today, dude?," semi poked, nudging gyeongsu with her elbow to knock him out of his trance.

he blinked a few times, registering her presence. "oh- yeah, okay, so, there's a special section of the cafeteria that's serving foods from other countries cuz of international week, so i got some american food to try and harmonize with. um- i think i don't need to explain that cornbread and fried rice don't... yeah."

semi gave a low chuckle. "cornbread? and rice? man, you've totally lost it. did the lack of vitamin minsu finally get to you?"

gyeongsu shoved his fork into a cube of cornbread. "yeah... it did. school sucks without him, right? like... yeah. semi, i can't believe i'm saying this, but i, like, actually don't have the words. i can't yap about this. that's how affected i am." he used the fork to take off a piece of cornbread and ate it.

"i don't think there's a worse feeling than this!," he complained, mouth now full of grainy, bright yellow cornbread. "okay, maybe dying slowly from blood loss is, what, a tiny bit worse? i try to text him and he just- he doesn't even read the message! have you tried textin' him at all?"

semi nodded, prodding at her own meal. "yep. he stopped replying to me too. hey, we should try calling him instead, and also, let's... let's talk to his teachers, 'n see if they know anything. if they don't know where he is, we can just call the police."

gyeongsu once again replied with a mouthful of cornbread, gross. "mmh- good idea! i hope this isn't anything too crazy... he'd better be safe and stuff."

minsu let out a prolonged whine. "namgyu~... c'mon! i'm- i- i really need it..."

"oh? but minsu, we've been kissing all day, won't you get bored of it if we keep going?," namgyu teased. he was in kissing range, but choosing to not actually kiss minsu, just to tempt him and make him beg.

"then- then let's do the other thing instead!," minsu suggested. his eyes practically lit up with excitement at the idea of 'the thing.'

"you- minsu- you can say that you wanna have sex," namgyu bluntly stated. "literally just tell me that you wanna get fucked, it's okay. i can't judge you for talking like that when i told all your fans on pentagon to kill themselves. and the word sex isn't a slur or anything, you can say it."

minsu's face flushed. "oh. mm- um- alright. namgyu... can we... um... i wanna get fucked by you. uh- please. thank you?"

"we'll work on that," namgyu noted. minsu was honestly such a loser, but namgyu loved all of minsu, even his loserboy traits. "anyway, start stripping, i'll be right back."

minsu was confused. "wh- where are you going?" his tone was worried, like he was a pet squealing from fear of being left home alone.

"minsu, i dunno how to explain this. i'm trans, my cock doesn't just get hard, it requires some... uh," namgyu explained, wording things as best as he could. "some extra attention to get hard enough to fuck. that means i gotta prepare myself for stuff like this. also means it looks a bit, you know, different. looks don't matter though, what matters is that it's long enough for me to give you a damn good time."

oh goodness, hearing namgyu explain the intricacies of his body made minsu bubble over with anticipation! he was so happy that he'd get to feel namgyu inside of him, so warm and cozy and full. minsu was somewhat worried that he'd love the feeling of namgyu's cock so much, he'd lose enjoyment for some of his favorite toys.

namgyu left to get ready, so minsu decided to take off his clothes, just as he was told to.

until he got a phone call.

minsu checked who was calling- gyeongsu. gyeongsu was probably so worried, minsu should pick up to reassure him. wait, no, minsu should ignore him! if the call went on for too long, namgyu would be kept waiting...

minsu would feel bad either way. someone would be let down no matter what minsu did.

gyeongsu was, unfortunately, much easier to let down.

namgyu was in love with minsu, they were about to have sex for god's sake. minsu would rather deny a call from gyeongsu than risk ruining the mood with namgyu.

the phone rung and rung until it no longer could.

"i thought i heard something, everything okay?"

"oh! oh, nothing. s- someone tried to call me, but i let them go to voicemail, 's all. nothing to worry about..."

"hey, minsu! it's me! gyeongsu! you know, that guy you study with? pfft, of course you know, why- why am i- ahem! semi and i are both super worried about you, you know? call me when you can! we just wanna make sure you're okay and everything. not to get all sappy, but we love you, man! it's sadder when you aren't here. that- that's all! miss you!"

beep, beep, beep.

Chapter Text

day 11 of living with minsu, cont'd:
"also, since he moved in, i stopped having dreams. it's weird but i went from having dreams i couldn't remember to not having any of them at all. i think it's just because minsu is here now, so my dreams came true, and there's no reason for me to have them when i go to sleep. i'm not sure what else it could be. maybe my brain's been so warped by minsu that it can't figure out how to make dreams anymore, that could also explain things."

the pair had arranged themselves in a very standard position. namgyu was over minsu, on all fours, held up mostly by his arms, and minsu was beneath him, lying on the bed and grabbing fistfuls of blanket tightly.

the curtains were down, blocking a decent amount of light, but not all of it, allowing just enough brightness to drip through. it was a bit of a dusky atmosphere, stirred by a mix of lighting and the overall afternoon heat.

namgyu's eyes were piercing straight through minsu's soul like twin bullets. was namgyu trying to kill with just a look? namgyu was a vulture, and minsu was a beautifully dead corpse for him to devour.

namgyu made clear his first demand. "roll over onto your stomach. i wanna be rougher with you, so you should grab onto the headboard, got it?"

minsu rolled over, simple as that. mindless obedience was his default mindset after all, and it felt good to give namgyu a taste of hardcore control.

just as minsu relaxed into the new position, namgyu gave him a firm smack on the behind. "ass up, c'mon," namgyu corrected sternly, "if you don't get into the right position, it'll hurt in the unsexy way."

minsu very awkwardly began to readjust, even unintentionally shaking his butt a little as he moved. he hoped he looked alright, but there was no way to know, unlike with his recordings, which he could edit endlessly to ensure he appeared cute. doing this type of thing with a real person was oddly nerve-wracking in that way.

once some notable adjustments occurred, namgyu patted minsu on the back. "that's good, you can stop moving now. just keep holding that pose..."

minsu jolted as he felt namgyu's fingers on his hole. they squished and pressed, kneading deep into the flesh around his pussy, spreading minsu's natural slick around. minsu smelled so good, a sugary milk scent wafting from his skin, for namgyu to take in and adore.

"i'm gunna do this for a bit, you know, get you all excited," namgyu murmured. "and then i'll stick it in. okay, well, i'll put a little lube, but then i'll- ugh, whatever, you- you get it."

the pressing became harder. namgyu's massage grew more intense with each stroke, drawing little throbs from minsu. namgyu began sticking the very tip of his finger in and out of minsu's entrance, shoving it in forcefully and removing it with equal vigor. the squelching sound created by the action practically echoed.

"m- more," minsu groaned into the bedding. "more inside..."

namgyu yanked his fingers out of minsu's pussy. "oh? what was that? you want more already? i see how it is, you aren't listening to me. you're choosing to ignore what i'm saying, and demanding for stuff you need to be patient for. you know what?"

minsu's breath hitched as he heard namgyu move behind him, an aroused chill running up his spine from his tailbone. he firmly squeezed the headboard in shock as he sensed namgyu's hands forcing his hole wide open to the point where it ached.

minsu knew what was about to happen. if he was normal, he'd beg namgyu to stop, he'd beg for proper preparation, he'd beg for anything but this. but he wasn't normal. he wanted namgyu to just take him, and maybe that desire was disgusting, but he didn't care anymore.

namgyu lined up his tip with minsu's hole, slowly pushing his way in. further, further, further into the soft warmth of minsu's body. and minsu was screaming about it, squeaky shouts muffled by pillows and blankets.

"this is what you get," namgyu scolded. "if you're gunna try and demand shit from me, this is what you're gunna get. got it? god, you're so warm... not even that tight either. just proves you're a slut, doesn't it?"

the pushing grew more and more tough as more and more of namgyu's cock went into minsu, as the wetness minsu's body produced wasn't enough to coat all of namgyu's length. namgyu was forced to stop eventually, but he managed to fit almost every inch. almost.

namgyu reached out and petted minsu's head, squeezing at his scalp and tugging at his hair. "head up. tell me something that i actually wanna hear, no whining, no demanding."

minsu's attempt to raise his head from the bed was weak, he only managed to get a short distance off of the soft surface. "i- you're so big, namgyu~... i- is that a good thing to say?," minsu squeaked out.

"awh, it is! what a good boy you are!," namgyu cooed, twisted enthusiasm in his tone. "you were just meant to be sexualized, weren't you? you're meant to be treated roughly by big dicks like mine. i'm gunna start moving now, so keep being good for me." his words sounded sickly, but minsu cherished them anyway.

out and in.

out and in.

out and in.

namgyu kept a medium pace, his outward pulls slow and his inward thrusts fast, gestures balancing each other out, each motion drawing whines of new pitches from minsu. his hands were placed on minsu's hips, fingers digging in to minsu's soft skin, keeping a strong grasp as he drew in and out.

"ha- talk to me, bitch," namgyu barked, slamming his length back into minsu's sensitive hole.

minsu's vocal chords were tired, and namgyu could hear it. "i- aah... i'm so happy- ah- i'm so-"

namgyu began to quicken his pace, harder, harder, harder. "you're a nasty whore- ngh- you're filthy, i'm- hah- making you filthy."

faster, harder.

faster, harder.

it hurt.

the more minsu felt his hole being abused, the more blissed out he became. he'd reached a new headspace, one where all he wanted to do was get used by namgyu. it was a new level of minsu perhaps, a special state where his pornstar persona merged with his real self.

"make me your- haah-! make me your cum dump!," he shouted, desperately forcing the words out of his dry, stinging throat. "namgyu~... ah- ah- namgyu! whore me out~ i- mhh- do whatever you want to me!"

"oh yeah?," namgyu teased. "then i'm just- ugh- i'm just gunna fucking take you. when- ah- whenever i want. i'll grope you, and use you, and- and i won't even ask first."

"please do," minsu begged, needier than ever.

the act was hot, their words were dirty, and their longing for each other was downright nasty. but that was how they liked it.

after a few more strong thrusts, minsu finally came, tightening around namgyu as hard as he physically could. it was painful, but in the world the two had created together, pain was love, and that was perfect.

namgyu pulled out of minsu in one swift movement, creating a wet squishing noise. he leaned forward to see how minsu was doing, pleasantly surprised at the sight.

minsu's face was resting on a pillow, an almost drunken smile on his face, tears on his cheeks. he looked up at namgyu like an excited puppy.

"you okay?," namgyu asked, patting minsu's head gently this time, no tugging, no squeezing. "i might've been too mean. my bad."

it was more than just how he looked, minsu sounded drunk too. "no, no... talk to me like that more... i wanna be your bitch, namgyu~..."

Chapter Text

day 12 of living with minsu:
"i am so so so happy that he doesn't snore. like of course if he did it wouldn't be a dealbreaker or anything, i love him forever. but man would it be hard to adjust to a guy snoring next to you. he's just so dainty and delecate delicate and quiet and perfect. pristine is a good word for him actually. he's like a doll. his pupils are pretty big so he does kinda have doll eyes. they look nice on him."

"do we have, um, like, anything to drink? not water, i mean."

day twelve was scorching. the outdoor temperature was unusually high, in what appeared to be an unpredicted heatwave. thank goodness namgyu and minsu had gotten it on the day before- on a day like this, it was simply too hot to get freaky. just sitting around created as much sweat as running a mile.

namgyu opened the fridge, exhaling loudly as he felt the cold fridge air waft onto his skin. oh, how he wished he could just crawl into the fridge and stay there.

he rifled around for a bit, moving containers around and double-checking every shelf. "looks like we don't have anything, sorry angel. i can go to the store though... ugh, and i probably should, since we're running low on snacks and stuff, but it's- minsu, be real with me, going outside seems super fucking unappealing, right?"

minsu was sitting on the couch of the kitchen-connected living room, flipping through TV channels, trying to find something that could distract him from the sticky heat. "super unappealing," he affirmed, tapping at the remote harder. "but orange juice... sounds real- really appealing..."

namgyu considered the idea. "mhm... yeah... with ice cubes. ooh, maybe we get that frozen orange paste, and mix it into the orange juice, and then we don't need to use ice! that's a good one... 'kay, 'kay, maybe i'll go out... it'd help if you hyped me up, though."

minsu's body was warm all over, as if some blanket of temperature had wrapped around each of his limbs, around each leg, each finger, each toe, even the backs of his eyelids. he had to put down the remote because he was sweating too much, forcing him to stay watching an american news channel.

needless to say, he really wanted that orange juice.

"i'll- i'll squeeze your head with my thighs, i- if you get me some cold orange juice!," he announced.

he really, really wanted that orange juice.

with no hesitation, namgyu leapt into action, looking around for his keys. "you activated me like a sleeper agent, say no more."

keys, phone, wallet, jacket- okay, maybe no jacket for today, how about a handheld fan instead?

minsu's phone started ringing again.

ring, ring, ring.

"let it go to voicemail," namgyu ordered. "at person who keeps trying to call you? they're just a dick who wants to keep you away from me. they waste your time with lame phone calls, when you could spend that time with me instead. they're the worst. if they call again, block their number. i shouldn't even be talking about it, ugh- i love you, i'll be quick."

and with that, he was out the door.

ring, ring, ring.

developmental psychologists theorize that, during the developmental years of one's life, one learns about things by adjusting and readjusting schemata. if a child knows a dog has four legs, it may assume that a cat is a dog, because cats also have four legs. however, once they learn that a cat is a different animal entirely, they adjust the categories that their mind has created to categorize cats and dogs as not the same.

in a way, minsu was still growing. yes, he was an adult, but this new life of his with namgyu was a rebirth of sorts. a whole new environment, a new lifestyle. not to mention all the new things namgyu was teaching him, like how to properly kiss, what sex feels like...

thanks to namgyu, some new categories had formed in minsu's mind.

minsu used to believe there was a grey area between good people and bad people. you had good people who did bad things, bad people who behaved well, and everything in between.

but he saw namgyu as entirely good. so good that everyone else seemed a little less good in comparison.

and, in contrast, namgyu saw people as good or bad in a very black and white way. he saw minsu's fans on pentagon as purely bad because they wanted minsu. he saw gyeongsu as purely bad because of the phone calls. and, speaking of phone calls-

ring, ring, ring.

the ringing hadn't stopped. gyeongsu just kept trying to call. there was no silence in between call attempts, gyeongsu must have been spamming the call button.

ring, ring, ring.

that was bad, wasn't it? gyeongsu was bad, wasn't he? namgyu said so. namgyu even called him "the worst." but namgyu was entirely and fully good, namgyu was the best... maybe he was right about gyeongsu.

ring, ring, ring.

a new category opened up in minsu's mind, labelled "people namgyu doesn't like (i probably should stop liking them too)," and into that category went gyeongsu.

ring, ring, ring.

the ringing was getting louder. was it? maybe the heat was getting to minsu. he swore the sound of his own phone echoed in his eardrums.

ring, ring, ring.

it was just too loud.

ring, ring, ring.

something had to give.

ring, ring, ring.

minsu blocked all calls from gyeongsu's number. finally, there was peace in the humble household.

though, the peace would feel better with a nice, cold glass of orange juice.

(semi from college): "ur kidding??"

(you): "nah he gen. wont pick up"

(semi from college): "dude i didnt want to say anyth but. i used to know this guy who got all googoo gaga over minsu and i lowk think he has smth to do w this."

(you): "and. u didnt tell me sooner dawg???????????????????????????????????????"

(semi from college): "i mean at first i just thought he was rly hardcore going thru it but last time he had like a big brkdwn he still picked up the phone soo this is sketchy"

(you): "ohhhh kk i get it. now,,"

(semi from college): "did u talk w his teachers?

(you): "they. said they cant tell m anythgin bc student privacy. whatever"

(semi from college): "wtf"

(you): "ikr"

(semi from college): "mk so i have an idea. i still got the # of the guy i think cld b involved so tomorrow after school we meet and u txt him and i supervise it basically hows that?"

(you): "."

(semi from college): "you rly need to watch out for your period key man"

Chapter Text

day 12 of living with minsu, cont'd:
"speaking of his eyes, i think i'd want to try different makeup styles on him. i haven't done makeup since my middle school emo phase where i wasted so much eyeliner on maybe the ugliest designs ever. but i'd get good at it just to make minsu look cute. doll him up i guess. he's got a doll like theme overall, i think i can't help but keep mentioning it."

namgyu adored the relieved and refreshed look minsu had after taking a nice, cold sip of orange juice. it was like all the life had flowed back into namgyu's darling, he perked up like a curious critter.

"what is it with you and orange juice?," namgyu teased, pouring himself a glass of the liquid. "like, in your pentagon preview video, you did the thing with the juice can, and just earlier today, your priority was orange juice... aren't college students supposed to be coffee addicts and not orange juice addicts?"

minsu held out his cup, urging namgyu to give him more juice. "well, i- i did try coffee. i got it from the vending machine in this one building... um, but then every time i went to get coffee, it was all sold out. orange juice was always there, so... i- i, like- i just kinda replaced coffee with orange juice..." he lowered his cup slightly, a tiny frown forming on his face. "maybe that- maybe i'm immature for having a kid's drink like that."

namgyu wasn't having that sort of talk from minsu, no way! he firmly grabbed hold of minsu's wrist, forcing minsu's cup up so he could pour more orange juice into it.

"if you drink orange juice, then it can't even compare to coffee, cuz whichever you drink is automatically better," namgyu insisted, filling minsu's cup to the brim, almost to the point of spilling. perhaps there was a mild innuendo in namgyu's behavior, but neither noticed.

minsu quickly sipped up the drink, letting out a satisfied "ah." if only namgyu had caught that cute little sound on tape, he'd repeat it all day long. minsu sounds ASMR... the idea was undeniably appealing. maybe he could bring it up sometime.

minsu was just such a dear, such a beauty. everything he did was not just perfection, no, it was some otherworldly concept. if minsu believed it, it was truth. if minsu liked it, it was the greatest. if something or someone upset a being like minsu, a holy light like minsu, they might as well just drop dead.

that's how namgyu viewed things, at least.

that evening, when the world around them had cooled down, namgyu finally received his orange juice retrieval reward from minsu.

the two were in their bedroom, minsu seated on the edge of the bed, namgyu on the floor, namgyu's head pressed between minsu's legs.

"squeeze harder!," namgyu whined, words muffled as he shoved his face hard into minsu's left thigh.

minsu just barely understood the command. "i- i don't wanna hurt y-"

"minsu, stop holding back with me," namgyu demanded, louder now. "if it hurts, cool! if i get choked out and die, even better! minsu, minsu, minsu- this is literal heaven. gimme everything you can give."

admittedly, minsu couldn't catch every word of that, but namgyu was clearly enthusiastic, so minsu increased the pressure on namgyu's head just slightly.

warm, soft, perfect. namgyu wanted to be between minsu's legs forever.

"wh- um- while i have you here," minsu began, "i wanted to talk to you, about- about that guy who keeps calling. cuz, uh, i know you said we shouldn't talk about him, but... i realized something."

namgyu lifted his hand up, showing minsu a thumbs up, encouraging him to continue. it was basically impossible to talk with the current state of minsu's thighs on his face, so why bother trying?

"i realized, um, that he's not a good person," minsu explained, "because... okay, alright, uh, we were friends, but then he did all that calling and texting, and- and at first i didn't see how bad that was! you said he- it- you said it was all bad though, and then i kinda started to get it... and now i officially sorta know that he's... icky. so thank you for showing me."

aw, how sweet, namgyu's opinions were starting to influence minsu. you know what they say, relationships really do change people, and-

wait, minsu thought this asshole was icky. that was no good, that shouldn't be allowed. if minsu believed it, it was truth. if minsu liked it, it was the greatest. if something or someone upset a being like minsu, a holy light like minsu...

they might as well just drop dead.

yes, namgyu did in fact have a few homicidal fantasies about gyeongsu. yes, on occasion, he would picture some murder scenarios. but he refrained from acting on them, because gyeongsu appeared harmless at the end of the day.

annoying as fuck, but harmless.

giving minsu the ick, however, meant gyeongsu was no longer harmless, no, not in a million years. now he was directly upsetting minsu, and how dare he?

namgyu gave minsu a gentle knock on the right knee, his nonverbal way of saying "your thighs are magnificent but i need to breathe, so give me some air." it shocked minsu at first, causing a tiny jolt to ripple through his body, before he finally registered the signal and spread his legs as wide open as he could.

namgyu pulled back from minsu, taking a deep breath in. "that was fucking awesome."

minsu gave a nervous squeak. "really?" how precious he was, always seeking approval. namgyu gave him an affirming nod, which minsu blushed in response to.

"and, hey, about that guy- i'll get him to go away for good," namgyu declared. "i promise. that way he won't look for any loopholes or ways to get to you."

minsu responded with an unsure "thank you, honey." unknowing, hesitant. as if he believed namgyu couldn't do anything, but optimistically wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt.

minsu would soon find out that his hesitation was unnecessary, as namgyu truly would take care of the little, infuriating problem known as gyeongsu.

if minsu believed it, it was truth. if minsu liked it, it was the greatest. if something or someone upset a being like minsu, a holy light like minsu, they will, without a doubt, drop dead.

namgyu would become the hand of death to guarantee it.

(unknown number): "hey i. got ths number from a friend. i know minsu i go to his university!! he disappwared if yui know. an.ything about it, it would be helpful. the friend says you were.reall .y close to him"

(you): "this is gyeongsu isnt it. the friend is named semi arent they."

(unknown number): ". maybe."

(you): "i understand you're probably both sus of me because yes it's true, in the past i've been a minsu enthusiast to say the least. thing is i have nothing to do with this disappearance you're talking about."

(unknown number): ".."

(you): "dude get a different keyboard"

(unknown number): "youd.ont udnerstand this. one. has. rly good kaomoji"

(you): "whatever anyway. if you're willing to discuss this, i'm willing to meet with you to have that discussion. only condition is that semi doesn't show up. you can pick time and place and all that."

(unknown number): "k but. can i record t.he meeting so semi can hear it.. aftr.??"

(you): "like i said my only condition is that semi herself doesn't show up anywhere on the premises. so yeah record all you want."

(unknown number): "doesthe. day after. tomorrow work.?."

(you): "sure"

(unknown number): "i.ll. text details tomorrow. thank you for. your. cooperation."

(you): "mf you sure you dont want a new keyboard? you literally type like wall e or something"

(unknown number): "no. it's. ok. tha.n.k you."

Chapter Text

day 13 of minsu:
"has minsu hated anyone before? did i just get the honor of witnessing his first feeling of hatred? on one hand it's sweet. on the other, he shouldn't have ever felt that in the first place. minsu is joy. minsu is beauty. minsu is love."

on the morning of the meeting, namgyu woke up next to minsu.

minsu was curled up at namgyu's chest, holding namgyu's pyjama shirt tightly. minsu himself was wearing pyjamas namgyu had bought a few months ago, and they looked just as perfect on minsu as namgyu had imagined oh so long ago.

the time was set to a bright and early eight thirty in the morning, because, as gyeongsu had tried to explain despite his period key, "i. ususall.y.. go out.then. for. school. . so it's. easiest"

namgyu usually woke up whenever he felt like it, or whenever minsu got up in some sort of homosexual chain reaction. so needless to say, waking up early and at a specific time was tough as hell.

first, the atmosphere. being awake that early was really something namgyu could feel on an internal level. his body clock was absolutely pissed, every inch of his form, every organ in his body knew that this was not the typical waking hour.

and his eyes, god, his eyes. they stung when he tried to open them. they felt dry, achy, like he'd forced them open against some exorcist's seal.

minsu also made it hard to get up. namgyu did his best to remove himself from minsu's grasp, but it was no use- the man had a grip on namgyu's shirt like no other. namgyu was only able to sneak away by removing his pyjama shirt entirely.

on the morning of the meeting, namgyu had only a glass of orange juice for breakfast.

that early in the morning, it was just too early to eat. even thinking about putting food in his stomach made him feel nauseous. the juice was hard to swallow, he had to hyperfocus on not throwing up as he took hard sips.

he wandered in the kitchen as he drank, feeling cold juice forced down his throat by harsh gulps. soft steps in circles around the kitchen table, firmly gripping a sweating glass. it was too fucking early for this.

he swung open his cutlery drawer, metal clanking as the drawer hit its greatest opening point.

it was odd how weapons like guns were restricted, but one could purchase a hearty butcher's knife in an ordinary store. both can kill, so why attempt to hide one away? besides, a killer can still kill, even unarmed. all they need is motivation.

he took hold of a serrated knife, one intended to cut tougher vegetables like carrots.

on the morning of the meeting, namgyu brought some grocery bags with him.

he wore an unsuspecting outfit. gray sweatpants, black hoodie, a face mask, a backpack. he looked like a college student.

how drab.

most college students are idiots anyway. especially college students who don't know when to leave people alone and just keep calling and calling and calling and calling and

on the morning of the meeting, namgyu had reached out to thanos.

since semi wouldn't be attending the meeting, namgyu feared that she'd try to pull something. she wasn't stupid, and namgyu knew it, so he wasn't willing to risk anything with her out and about.

he asked thanos to come over. watch the house, take care of minsu, all of that.

"so, what do you think?," namgyu asked. "you're gettin' paid, and it's basically the world's easiest job."

"well... i can eat your food right?," thanos clarified. his speech was funny, he placed word emphasis at random and adjusted his pitch willy-nilly. "cuz, dude, like, i'm gunna get hungry."

"you can eat my fucking food. now are you in or not?"

"let's do this, ma brother."

"do not call me that."

on the morning of the meeting, namgyu wrote a goodbye note to minsu, refusing to wake him up. minsu deserved his rest after all.

thanos showed up just as namgyu was leaving, and he wasn't as polite about minsu resting as namgyu was. he entered with a bang, quite literally, as he swung the building's front door open so wide it smacked into the inner wall.

"hey, man!," thanos shouted. "i'm gunna watch TV on yer couch!"

minsu groggily got up and stumbled out of the bedroom, walking towards the sound of thanos' voice. "oh- mm- you're... you're the guy that-"

"you look like shit, little dude!," thanos teased as he plopped down on the couch. "c'mere, sit with me. we can be buddies til' your namsu comes back."

eyes barely open, minsu managed to curl up in a corner of the couch, keeping a healthy distance from thanos. "his name is namgyu," minsu quietly corrected.

on the morning of the meeting, namgyu showed up right at eight thirty. exact, precise, perfect.

the location? gyeongsu's dorm.

the college was a bit odd in that it had a major road splitting its campus in half. one half was made up of class buildings, the other made of dormitories.

the dormitories were organized by major, though there was a special dorm building for honors students, regardless of major.

as namgyu expected, gyeongsu did not live in the honors building. gyeongsu lived in the lame mathematics majors only building. who even majors in maths?

gyeongsu was waiting for namgyu outside of the building, and walked him up to the dorm. it was on the first floor, towards the back end of the building, giving gyeongsu a good view of the city the university campus was encapsulated by.

it wasn't a pretty view, but at least he had it.

the dorm itself had an organized chaos type of energy. messy bedsheets, piles of clothes, and pencils on the floor were accompanied by neatly arranged papers, a clean desk, and a fresh scent. it was as if a bomb exploded half of the room's items, leaving the other half untouched.

"have a seat!," gyeongsu urged, pointing at his bed.

and namgyu sat. gyeongsu sat cross-legged on the floor in front of him, squinting up at namgyu.

"now, tell me, how exactly are you not involved with the minsu thing?," gyeongsu demanded, his squint turning into a glare, attempting to intimidate namgyu.

namgyu tugged at his face mask, pulling it down to speak. "i'm not telling you shit."

gyeongsu scoffed. "uh, nah, you are! what are you tryna pull? i won't bargain with you, i'm already recording and everything, so get talking, or get out of my-"

with the calmness of still water, namgyu removed his backpack, gracefully opened its main compartment, and revealed his kitchen knife.

"you're the one who needs to start talking," he corrected.

"can i place some sports bets with yer money?," thanos grumbled. "i'd do it with my own, but i've got a gambling addiction, so, like, ya know, i really shouldn't..."

minsu blinked. "you- you- you think that- that you- you think that if you place a bet with someone else's m- money... it doesn't contribute to your own gambling problem?"

thanos nodded enthusiastically. "uh, yah! cuz the problem started from me gambling with my own dough, right? so then... using someone else's wouldn't add onto it."

"that- that's n- not how that works," minsu corrected.

thanos rejected the notion that maybe, just maybe, he was wrong. "hah! i can tell namsu picked you for your looks!"

minsu decided to not attempt reasoning with thanos again.

gyeongsu didn't get a chance to react before he felt a knife dig into his shoulder. that same knife was sharply yanked out, and forced back into his body again, this time in his other shoulder.

he yelped in pain and attempted to stand, but namgyu forced him back down.

"shut your mouth, or you die faster, 'kay?," namgyu instructed. gyeongsu nodded.

not taking his eyes off of gyeongsu, namgyu moved to block the door. the door was gyeongsu's easiest escape route, so it had to be cut off first.

"i can tell you put effort into this all," namgyu remarked. "you started recording before i got here, that was smart, and you set the meeting somewhere you'd have a hypothetical advantage. but, your fatal flaw- you didn't assume i'd play dirty."

gyeongsu was shivering. his brain wasn't picking up on any of namgyu's words.

he was warm all over. warm, but cold. his shoulder wounds were warm, but the blood that crept down his sleeves grew cold the further down it went. he'd expected namgyu to be somewhat of a creep, but not like this. he expected freak, not maniac.

somehow, he didn't cry. his body was in too much shock to cry. he just shook.

and namgyu kept talking. "i wanna know where semi is right now, and i wanna know how much of this interaction she planned. if you don't start talking, it's in the neck, got it?" he gave gyeongsu a little kick.

the contact prompted gyeongsu to look up at his assaulter. he saw the stern, almost angry expression on namgyu's face, he saw the door handle, he saw the knife.

gyeongsu was getting dizzy. was this even real?

"ha... hah, you- you aren't even real, man," gyeongsu murmured, a small smile slowly growing on his face, lips quivering as they stretched upward. "this isn't even real... i- i'll wake up any second!"

namgyu groaned. "ugh, fuck, you tryna make me feel bad for you? you want me to be all boo hoo over you, little bud? poor guy thinks this is just a dream, wah wah, shut up. you're pathetic and stupid, no wonder you live here and not in the honors dorms. you keep looking for minsu like a lost pet when he doesn't even like you. let it go, you miserable piece of shit."

the rest of the encounter was a blur.

on the evening after the meeting, namgyu's backpack weighed more than it did on the way out.

he returned home to see thanos doing shots of orange juice, minsu watching and keeping track of how many were downed.

namgyu whispered to minsu, "i forgot i even owned a shot glass, how many of those has he..."

"he's done, like, um- i- i think twelve," minsu answered.

thanos slammed the shot glass onto the kitchen table, letting out a zealous holler, "it's thirteen now! woo!"

namgyu approached thanos from behind, placing a hand on thanos' shoulder. "yeah, cool, now can you get out of my house?"

thanos insisted on doing two more shots to round his total up to a neat fifteen before leaving the building, slamming the door against the wall a second time on his way out.

on the evening after the meeting, namgyu was hunched over the freezer before bed, arranging and stocking it nicely.

"it's time for bed, honey!," minsu chirped. "c'mon, l- let's go get cozy!"

"just a minute," namgyu called back. "on the way home, i got something i want to make you for breakfast tomorrow, but i gotta make sure it's stored correctly."

namgyu fell asleep very pleased with himself.

Chapter Text

[illegible] 14 [illegible] minsu:
"i don't have time to write shit this morning [illegible] i have stuff to do and it's important. will update at the end of the day only after i've made minsu happy. [illegible] what i planned for him. he'll love it."

minsu woke up to the scent of fresh breakfast cooking on the stove. he was sad to wake up alone, with no namgyu at his side, but at the same time, he was touched that namgyu was preparing food for him.

minsu didn't bother with getting dressed, he rolled out of bed and wandered out to the kitchen, where namgyu was leaning over a sizzling pan.

"what're you making?," minsu asked, taking a seat at the kitchen table and letting out a big yawn. a fork had been placed on the table, anticipating use.

namgyu responded with words only, no eye contact or gesture, "i'll tell you in just a sec!"

namgyu gave the pan a firm shake, creating a sharp searing sound, then poured the pan's contents into one large bowl. he wiped the bowl's edge with his thumb before bringing it over to the table, presenting it to his boyfriend as if minsu was a masterchef judge.

"i know you don't usually eat meat, but i was on the way home from the meeting, and i saw a store with a huge discount on this super fancy pork," namgyu explained, taking a seat across from minsu. "imported from, like, austria or some shit. i thought that maybe you'd like meat if it was rare and special, just like you."

minsu took a gander at the dish, moving his head and raising his eyebrows slightly as he examined it. "well, the- i appreciate the thought, but, um, what if i- don't like it?"

"then i eat it," namgyu declared. "whatever you don't have, i have."

minsu reached for the fork, but namgyu quickly slammed his hand down on the fork's handle and held it tightly.

"allow me," he insisted.

namgyu lowered the fork into the bowl with an ominous sort of grace. he speared through a small, messily-cut piece of meat, ensuring the fork had pierced through it fully. he slowly lifted the piece of food, bringing his other hand beneath it to catch any drips. and out he reached, stretching both arms to offer the food to minsu.

as the meat approached minsu's mouth, minsu reacted by parting his lips, bracing for the impact of the taste of meat on his tongue, a taste he never really enjoyed. maybe namgyu was right, maybe this would be different.

the fork breached the entrance of minsu's mouth. namgyu's free hand held minsu's chin in place, preventing him from backing down. the food was lowered onto minsu's tongue, prompting minsu to bite down on the fork's prongs. once namgyu felt that pressure from minsu's teeth, he yanked the fork out of minsu's mouth, pushing up on his chin, giving a command to chew.

every movement of minsu's jaw muscles was laced with hesitancy. he chewed with deliberate slowness, taking an eternity to judge the meal. namgyu's eyes were locked in on minsu's face, observing each chewing muscle contract and relax.

"it- it's not bad," minsu finally admitted, hastening his chewing speed as he grew more comfortable with the taste of the meat. he swallowed hard. "maybe less seasoning next time? ah, um, but, a- aside from that! it's pretty good..."

namgyu smirked at the reaction. "looks like i was right after all. here, lemme get you another piece."

bit by bit, chunk by chunk, namgyu handfed minsu around half the bowl's contents. namgyu was fascinated by each of minsu's movements. the chewing. the swallowing. the tiny smile he would give after eating a piece that had just the right texture. the way he would close his eyes while anticipating his next bite.

beautiful.

namgyu only dared to have a bite after minsu was completely done eating. the meat had grown a tad cold, but namgyu didn't care.

[illegible] 14 [illegible] minsu, cont'd:
"thank god he loved it. i knew he would but i was a little bit worried. his only note for me is that i put too much seasoning but that was on purpose so i did totally fine."

"you ready?"

"mmh, n- namgyu..."

"not what you call me right now. try again, or you aren't getting shit from me, filthy whore."

minsu squirmed as he felt namgyu's breath in his ear. minsu had been put in a position similar to a mating press, namgyu leaning over him. they both had on only underwear- the two were holding off on penetration for... roleplay purposes.

"s-sir?," minsu squeaked, batting his eyes up at namgyu.

"oh, so you do know how to talk to me," namgyu teased, running his hand along minsu's body, from the neck down. "good boy. now that you're behaving, i can-"

minsu grabbed namgyu's wrist just as namgyu's hand was approaching the hem of his underwear. "n-namgyu, um, i know we- we just got started, but i don't feel very good," minsu confessed, sitting up.

namgyu backed away immediately, giving minsu some space. "hey, minsu, what's wrong?"

"my stomach, it- um, feels all nauseous," minsu whined. "i'm gunna take a bath in case- in case i throw up. it's easier to clean i- if it's all in the tub."

seeing minsu all pathetic and whiny was usually a turn-on for namgyu, but minsu not feeling good? yeah, no, that was not a turn-on at all. any horniness namgyu could have had evaporated. minsu was in trouble, that was his focus now.

"here, i'll help you," namgyu offered. he got out of the bed first and held out a hand for minsu to grab.

namgyu guided his boyfriend to the bathroom. their steps were slow and careful, so as to not disturb minsu's sensitive stomach.

minsu took a moment to get undressed, then took a seat in the bathtub, whilst namgyu began running some nice warm bath water. the sound of liquid rushing in on itself filled the room, continuously overlapping with more water sounds. minsu hugged his knees to his chest, goosebumps across his back.

"hotter or colder?," namgyu asked.

"hotter," minsu murmured, barely audible over the water. "i feel cold all over."

namgyu adjusted the temperature slightly. "how's this?"

"hotter, please." minsu's voice was growing weaker.

again, namgyu gave a minor adjustment. "'s that good?"

"mmh- nuh-uh." every sound that came from minsu was shaky.

namgyu slammed the temperature dial to its hottest setting. the dial appeared to be connected to minsu, however, as minsu began to retch and irk, as if on cue. his hands went to cover his mouth as he leaned forward, face almost touching the bathtub's water line.

namgyu turned off the water entirely just as fast as he had turned it up. "minsu, hey, hey, it's okay, if you-"

minsu began to throw up, body movements almost violent. his attempt to cover up his mouth failed, as vomit filled his hands and got squeezed out between his fingers. he put his hands onto the bathtub floor as he continued to upchuck, expelling his stomach contents into the water.

a cloud of this reddish brownish vomit had formed in the bathwater, growing larger as minsu continued to throw up. his body gave a strong irk, forcing more to exit his stomach. then another, then another, each tug growing more forceful. minsu half expected his guts to come out his mouth.

the vomit slowly stopped coming up. spurts of muscle tightening grew mercifully short, and minsu was out of content to expel. he took frantic breaths, slumping back against the bathtub walls as every last muscle in his body gave out.

namgyu reached out and patted minsu's shoulder. "you're okay," namgyu reassured. "you're all done, minsu! see! you got it all out."

namgyu's actions once again triggered minsu's nausea. his muscles tensed, he was forced forward, his head hung low, and he vomited again. there was no substance left in his stomach, so all the liquid he threw up was stomach acid.

minsu was starting to smell like stomach acid as well. some of it came out of his nose, stinging his sinuses and burning the connection area between his nose and throat. from all the muscle tensing, he swore he'd peed a little in the bathtub as well, not that it was noticeable.

"no more," minsu pleaded in between violent retches. "i wanna- urk- be- hah- done-!"

namgyu went to get minsu some water once they'd waited a solid half hour for minsu to stop vomiting.

[illegible] 14 [illegible] minsu, cont'd:
"nevermind he's sick and it's all my fault. this was a bad idea after all he's sick now. if minsu dies from the sickness i will actually hang myself. i did this to him i dnt think this is forgivable i wanna cut so bad right now but i cant. i have to help him heal from my stupid choices."

namgyu drained the bathwater, rinsed minsu off with the showerhead, and gave minsu some fresh bathwater.

"i- i dunno if i'll be able to sleep tonight," minsu whispered, as he laid in the bathtub, taking in deep and drawn-out breaths. "whenever i- um, get sick a- and throw up... i get so worried that it'll happen again that i can't get any rest."

"i'll get some anti-nausea pills from thanos," namgyu insisted. he sat beside the bathtub, legs cross-legged on the floor, hands on the bathtub's edge. "and some super strong melatonin. i'm gunna help you however i can, i love you, i'll do whatever i can to help."

minsu giggled, voice broken. "thank you, honey. i- i love you too."

vibrating alarm - today, 3:00 AM
"cook the arm"
(alarm expired)

(add new vibrating alarm)

vibrating alarm - tomorrow, 3:00 AM
"throw out the rest of gyeongsu"