Chapter Text
Neil knew that long after everything healed, she would wear the bandage on her face. Even with a game that evening, she knew she would keep it on. Still, as Allison applied that day's worth of makeup, Neil's stomach gave an unpleasant turn in guilt. It was a newer emotion for her, and she didn't like it any more each time than the last.
"Allison," she said, a warning that she was about to move.
She drew her hand back a bit, and Neil reached up to the tape on her face. She didn't know where was safe to touch with the makeup, since her cheek felt cold all over anyway. Allison understood what she was trying to do, though, and swatted her hand out of the way. She snagged the edge of the tape with her long fingernails and pried the bandage off in one smooth move.
It took her half a second to realize what she was looking at. She was on her feet immediately with a shrill, "Are you kidding me?"
Dan was in the kitchen, scarfing down breakfast, and Renee was in the bedroom, but Allison's outburst brought them both running. Dan was on Neil's left, so she saw it first. She ground to a half, but only for a second. A heartbeat later, she was across the room and on the couch where Allison had just been sitting. Neil didn't know she could move so fast.
"This is a joke," she said, making as if to grab Neil's chin, so Neil jerked out of her reach. "Neil?"
"He told me to transfer to the Ravens," Neil said. "He said I could finish this year with the Foxes, but that I'd move to Edgar Allan this fall. They inked me in preparation and I couldn't stop them. I wanted you to know in case Riko says something about it. I'm still a Fox no matter what he says. I wouldn't sign his papers."
"Take it off," Dan demanded.
"It's permanent," Neil said.
"Nothing is permanent. Take it off. Matt will spot you the money."
"Not if I get there first," Allison said. "I don't want to see that on my court. Kevin's tramp stamp fouls the atmosphere enough."
"Kevin knew about this, didn't he?" Dan said, incensed. "He knew what Riko was going to do to you, and he let you go anyway. The next time I see him–"
"You'll do nothing," Neil interrupted. "Kevin didn't have the right to stop me."
"He let you go to Riko in his stead."
"No," Neil said. "Kevin didn't factor into any of that. He knew it wasn't about him."
Dan wasn't expecting that. Confusion took the edge off her anger. "You said Riko was trying to get to Kevin."
"I said Riko focused on me because of my relation to Kevin," Neil said. "I didn't say that's why I went. I just thought you should know about this before the season really kicks off."
Dan let Neil get to her feet, but seized her elbow before she could get very far. She seemed to be staring across the room at nothing. It was a minute before she spoke.
"You never had any plans to go home for Christmas, did you? That whole mess about your uncle flying to Arizona– you made that up so we wouldn't ask too many questions, or wonder why you weren't going to New York with Kevin."
"I did," Neil said. No point in denying.
"I get that you don't trust us completely," Dan said. "I don't like it, but I think we've been pretty good at working around that all year. We haven't pushed you to give us more than you're comfortable with and we haven't asked why you're like this. So don't do this to us. Don't sit here and lie to our faces." She finally looked up at him, frustration pulling hard at the corner of her mouth. "We're friends. We deserve better than that."
"If you always got what you deserved, you wouldn't be a Fox," Neil said, and tugged out of Dan's grip. Dan let her go without a fight, looking a bit startled by the blunt rejoinder. Neil tried to stamp down on another trickle of guilt, but couldn't quite manage it. "I've never had friends before. I don't know how this works. I'm trying, but it's still going to take time."
Time was something she didn't have, but that wasn't worth mentioning. Dan accepted her apology and promise with a weary nod, and they let her leave in peace. Neil stopped by her bathroom to replace the tattoo's bandage before her classes. She had nothing to do before class except for homework. First serve was scheduled for seven-thirty, but Wymack wanted them on the ground in Austin two hours early. He said he didn't trust winter weather, which had jinxed them into having terrible weather.
The bad luck didn't stop there either.
Neil was sitting next to Kevin in their terminal, having him look over some of her homework when Audrey looped around from the coffee shop with a cup and a bag that had a good chance of being too full with pastries. The Vixens had beaten them to the airport and were camped out at the gate. Katelyn had given her a little wave, but was clearly keeping her distance. Neil wasn't going to breach that, but that meant letting Kevin correct her Japanese. That only lasted for so long, though, and when Kevin wanted to discuss Texas' lineup for the fifth time, Neil made him sit by Dan.
Audrey took the empty spot next to Neil.
She stared out the great window, almost forlorn. Neil ignored her for as long as she could, but when all of her assignments were complete, she finally had to ask the question that had been bothering her.
"When you said you were afraid of heights, you were joking, right?" She gave Audrey a minute to answer, then tried again. "Audrey, you can't be. What were you doing on the roof?"
Audrey didn't answer immediately, but the tilt of her head to one side said she was thinking about it. Neil didn't know if she was searching for words, or just figuring out which ones she could expend on an explanation. Finally, Audrey lifted a hand to her own throat, feeling for a pulse. She tapped a clear and too-fast rhythm along once she found it.
"Feeling," Audrey said.
"Trying to remember fear, or trying to remember how to feel anything at all?" Neil asked. When she didn't answer, she tried a different tactic. "If it makes you feel better, fewer than twenty planes crash every year, and it's not always due to the weather. Sometimes pilots are just unreliable. I'm sure it's a quick death either way."
"Does it hurt?" She looked to Neil, who frowned in confusion at her, then specified, "Binding all of the time?"
Neil's teeth sunk into her bottom lip. When she tilted her head a bit to think, Audrey scoffed. "It's not rocket science, it's yes or no."
"Yes," Neil said. "It hurts to bind. It hurts when I'm not binding too. It's something I've learned to ignore."
"Seems like you're good at ignoring most things."
"It's not like I've ever had time to stop. This– playing here, staying, going to school, being Neil– is the first break I've gotten."
"Not Millport?"
"Millport wasn't a break," Neil said. "I slept with a gun under my head in a rotation of abandoned houses up until my flight here in May. I used to wake up every morning with my finger on the safety, and my other arm on top since I never even had a blanket when I slept on floors, let alone a pillow. But I hardly reach for it anymore."
"Is that why you refused our knives?" Audrey eventually asked. "You prefer guns?"
"I hate knives."
"That didn't answer my question."
"Is it your turn?" Neil asked, just to be a dick, then answered before Audrey could retort. "No. I don't ever want to carry knives around. I don't prefer guns, but I do prefer how lethal they are."
"You said you didn't understand why he liked knives so much. You weren't talking about Riko."
"No," Neil confirmed. "You've seen my scars now."
Audrey dipped her chin in a single confirmation.
"I think," Neil said slowly, letting the words come out as soon as they came to her, "Riko took such an interest in destroying me because we both know that I'm not afraid of him. He wants me to be so badly, and he thinks there's some imagined line he'll push me to and then I'll start. There are scarier things than a psychopath with power. I'll never be afraid of him. He only controls me because he knows what I am afraid of."
She chewed on her thumbnail, then said, "Kevin's fear of Riko is so far from my understanding because of that. It's hard to remember that Kevin being even a little brave still seems weak to me because of that. That's not fair to him, I guess. Kevin has always been brave when it counts. That's why Riko wants to crush it out of him so badly. Kevin has broken in the past, so Riko knows if he pushes Kevin hard enough, then he might again."
"You cast hard condemnation on anyone who doesn't follow your example of running away when things get hard," Audrey said. "Ponder a different lifestyle, Rabbit. Your same old song is getting old fast."
Neil shook her head. "That's what I mean. It took me a while, but I think I'm finally starting to see it. He had an out all that time, but running was still the bravest thing he's ever had to do. Running for me has never been brave. Staying, historically, hasn't been either. I faulted him so heavily before because I couldn't see past that, but I'm beginning to think I was too quick to judge."
"You're spewing nonsense. Get to the point."
"Every time I run, it's an excuse, but every time I stay, it's only out of desperation. Riko was never going to scare me, because staying with the Foxes isn't brave, it's stupid. There's no idea of grandeur that he has to crush out of me. Riko wants Kevin because now, this bravery of staying with the Foxes and making us better seems like a personal insult to Riko. Riko wants me because he wants to figure out a way to break me at all. He tried every way he could think of, but I don't think any of them worked."
"Every way," Audrey repeated, though her words were sharper than any blade.
Neil waved it off, but said nothing. She didn't want to have to explain it to Audrey. Things like that had happened to Neil, and they would always happen. It was the cost of her continuous survival, she knew.
"He won't have you," Audrey said lowly. "He won't break you, because he won't get the chance."
"No," Neil said, and thought of a mouth stained with lipstick that matched the color of her father's hair. "He won't."
Their conversation almost felt like a warning when the Foxes came onto the Longhorns' court for warmups and found Jean Moreau and Riko Moriyama in the front row.
Matt was the first to react with a furious, "What are they doing here?"
"I'll ask," Audrey said, and started that way.
Wymack hauled her to a stop by the back of her armor. "You are not allowed to kill anyone the first game of the season. Worry less about him and more about your offense line, got it? Focus, Kevin. You too, Neil. Neil," he said, louder. "Eyes on me."
Neil realized she was looking at Riko again. She dragged her gaze back to Wymack's face. Wymack looked angry, but Neil knew her coach too well by now. That anger was born of genuine worry. She chose to interpret it as disappointment instead, because that was easier to motivate herself with. The Foxes needed her tonight. She couldn't let Riko get to her. She caught every bad memory and feeling that was snarling in her ear tightly between her fists and shoved them all deep.
"I'm starting to think he likes me after all," Neil said with forced nonchalance. "As if my own personalized tramp stamp wasn't enough to prove it. Come on, we have a game to win."
"That's right," Wymack said. "Where was I?"
"Offense, I think," Neil said, and looked at Kevin. Kevin was staring white-faced at Riko, but Neil nudged him until she had his attention. "Fair warning: if they put Beckstein as my mark, I'm going to have to do side passes all night. He's got a foot on me, so if he catches my stick on an upward swing, it'll pull me too far, and I'll tear something."
Kevin started to say something, but Audrey beat him to the punch with a calm, "Eight inches. He's only five-eleven."
Neil and Kevin pivoted to stare at Audrey. The flash of a grin on Wymack's face said he caught the significance of that remark and knew what it meant for the Foes' chances tonight. The rest of the team blew right by it without noticing. Dan said something to Allison about how to compensate for Neil. Neil knew she and Kevin were meant to be included in the conversation, but she couldn't follow along.
Height was arguably the most critical detail on an Exy court. A player's height decided how long of a racquet they could wield and determined their reach. To most players, a general figure was good enough; it didn't matter if they were an inch or two off, because they just needed an idea of what they were up against. They used the number solely to determine how tricky their mark would be to get around.
Neil and Kevin knew the exact height of every Longhorn backliner because they couldn't play the game without that information. Technical players like Kevin could use a man's height to map out his every weak spot. More importantly, he could cross-reference his own field of reach against his marks' and find the best places to push. That was how he got around defense so often.
Instinctive players like Neil know where those gaps were without calculating angles and overlap. If Wymack gave Neil a pen and told her to draw a backliner's blind spot on a diagram, she couldn't do it, but once the game was going, Neil could find it in a heartbeat. She wasn't good enough yet to take full advantage of that insight, but Kevin said a talent like that would have eventually secured Neil's spot on the US Court.
Audrey had no excuse for knowing Beckstein's height. For starters, Beckstein was a backliner. If the Foxes did their job right, Beckstein shouldn't ever get close enough to goal to take a shot at it. More importantly Wymack had only given out the Longhorns' heights once when he'd first read the UT line-up out to his team. That statistic was printed on the round-one pamphlet Wymack handed out last week, but Audrey had stuffed that paperwork in her locker the first chance she got. Neil hadn't seen her take it out since.
Audrey had looked a thousand miles away when Wymack went over the Longhorns' roster, but she had heard every word and retained it. That perfect retention was what saved them in their match against Belmonte last fall. Wymack made a throwaway comment about penalty shots during the halftime rundown. The game didn't come down to penalties, but with so few seconds left on the clock and so much pressure on the Belmonte striker to tie the score, Audrey knew he'd go for what was familiar. She had blocked an impossible shot without thinking twice.
Neil looked at Kevin, then Wymack, wondering why no one had ever told her that Audrey had an eidetic memory, wondering if they'd even known. She couldn't help but give it another test. She mentally scrolled through the Longhorns' offense line and settled on a fifth-year striker. "How tall is Lakes?"
"Look it up," Audrey said.
"Just this once," Neil said. Audrey started to turn away, so Neil hooked her gloved fingers in the netted head of Audrey's racquet and gave a careful tug. She tried again. "How tall is she?"
"Five-six?" Matt guessed.
"Five-eight," Audrey said.
"Close enough," Matt shrugged.
Neil let go of Audrey's racquet in favor of holding onto her own. "We're going to win."
"You were expecting us to lose?" Dan asked.
"No," Neil admitted. Her lips twitched, and she knew from the hard pull at her mouth that she was wearing her father's smile. She pressed the side of her glove to her face, nearly crushing her teeth into her lips. She tasted blood before it was safe to drop her hand again. Her eyes passed Audrey to land on Riko. "I'm glad he's here to see it. Let's see if we can't rattle him."
"Let's." Wymack said. "Anyway, imagine I actually got through everything important I needed to say, since it's too late to finish it now. Remember it's two out of three to advance and you can't afford to lose the first game of the season. Strikers, three goals a piece or I'll register you for a marathon. Seth, try not to be too much of a hindrance and I'll pretend I didn't hear what you said on the plane. Backliners, if you look like idiots, you'll keep them company. Dealers: you've got this. Renee, play it like you know how. Audrey, keep the score at three or under for your half and I'll buy you as much alcohol as will fit in your cabinet."
The announcer called both starting line-ups to the court. Neil took her place on the half-court line and sent a final look Kevin's way.
It was no miracle that the Foxes pulled a win, but every one of their eight goals was hard-earned.
When the Foxes filed off the court, Renee headed for Riko. She wasn't the sort to pick a fight, so Neil stopped to stare after her. Riko didn't take the hand Renee offered, but Jean did. The handshake lasted a little too long, but Neil didn't know which one of them was slower to let go.
Neil thought of Jean's odd reaction to Renee at the banquet, the lingering look and the uncomfortable introduction. It was the memory she had been looking for the last week when going through her messages at Reddin. Jean accepted Riko and Tetsuji's cruelty because he had no one outside of the Ravens. With nothing else to live for, and no reason to fight, Jean bowed his head and focused on surviving. Renee was the first bright thing to catch his eye.
"He's interested in her," Neil said, not quite a question.
Kevin was watching them too. "It doesn't matter. It won't work."
Renee told Neil last fall that Ravens weren't allowed to date. Tetsuji didn't want his team distracted from the game. Renee knew that but she was over there anyway. Neil might have been overthinking her intentions, but she was willing to exploit any angle they could find. Jean had been Neil's only ally in the Nest, she knew, but Renee would never hurt anyone.
"Maybe not," Neil said, "but it could give us an edge. Do you still know his number? Give it to her and see what she can do between now and finals."
Dan and Kevin had agreed beforehand to handle the reporters post-game. Neil was happy to leave them to it and follow her jubilant teammates to the locker room, but she didn't make it far. She was probably eight steps from the bench before a reporter shouted after her.
"Neil, is it true you're marked for Court?"
The smart thing to do was keep going and pretend she hadn't heard over the sound of the furious crowd, but Neil ground to a halt. She stared straight ahead, weighing all the ways she could and shouldn't respond to that. Finally, she turned back. Riko's presence meant Audrey was sticking close to Kevin, but Audrey's eyes were on Neil after a bold question like that. Neil tipped her head in a silent question for Kevin's sake, and Audrey motioned for her to do as she pleased.
Neil undid the straps on her helmet, and headed for the trio of reporters. Audrey took the helmet as she passed, and Renee took it from Audrey on her way to the locker room. Neil tucked her gloves under one arm and stopped beside Kevin.
"I'm sorry," she said. "Did you say something?"
"Rumor has it you've been invited to the perfect Court." The reporter thrust a microphone at her, eyes on the bandage plastered to Neil's cheekbone with sweat and tape. "Care to comment on that?"
The first time someone asked about Riko and Kevin's tattoos, Riko hadn't beaten around the bush. He was the best striker in the game, he said, and he wanted everyone to know it. The story changed a little when Jean made his first public appearance with a three on his face. Riko was supposedly handpicking the future US National Team. He called it the perfect court, and even though it was unofficial and unbelievably arrogant, his talent and upbringing gave some credibility to the idea.
"Oh," Neil said with a shrug. "You mean this."
She peeled the bandage off her face and let the reporters get a good look at her tattoo. One of the reporters snapped at her cameraman to get a close-up, and Neil obediently tilted her face for a better view. She was smiling again, and wasn't trying to hide it. The reporters were too stupid, or too eager for a story to read the threat in the expression. Kevin wasn't so blind, and he hissed under his breath in tense French, "Don't push him."
The urge to choke the life out of Kevin was as fierce as it was fleeting. Neil didn't waste her time looking at Kevin. She said, "It's actually impressive, isn't it? I think it's the second time Riko has ever been wrong. He always seemed too thickheaded to admit when he's made a mistake."
"You think he made a mistake marking you?" A reporter asked.
"You don't think you deserve the number?" Asked another at the same time.
Neil affected surprise at their misunderstanding. "I don't think he deserves us," she said, and gestured between herself and Kevin, "but that's neither here nor there."
"What do you mean?"
"Look, I'm going to be honest," Neil said. "I know Riko's good. Everyone does. His uncle's name has gotten him pretty far in life and the Ravens have an impressive record. Riko, though, is a hard person to respect. Up until December, I figured he was an egocentric maniac who was so desperate for his own glory that he refused to see the potential in anyone else. He, of course, assumed I was a know-nothing from nowhere with no right to have an opinion.
"This Christmas, we tried to meet halfway," Neil said. "Riko invited me to practice with the Ravens over the holidays so I could see the discrepancy between our two teams. He was wrong about me. We're never going to be friends and we'll definitely never like each other. He takes after his uncle, for sure, since the only thing he's proved himself at is picking the rest of his perfect court. He was right that Kevin Day and Jean Moreau will certainly be Court. When I make it, I doubt Riko and I will have to find a way to work around each other."
The original reporter stared at her, open-mouthed, a beat too long before asking, "There was a rumor you might transfer to Edgar Allan?"
"It was mentioned while I was there," Neil shrugged, "but we all know it'll never happen. I will never get to where I need to be with the Ravens. I could barely tolerate them for two weeks, I can't imagine playing with them for four years– they're terrible human beings. But you know what, that's petty. I said I'd be honest, but that was a little too transparent. Let's say this instead: we promised the Ravens a rematch this spring, so I'll cheer them all the way to the finals. If Riko didn't think we could meet them there, he wouldn't have marked me, or flown halfway across the country to watch us play tonight. He knows we have a chance. He just hasn't figured out that we're going to win the next time we meet. Keep an eye on us, won't you? It's going to be an exciting year."
She turned right around and headed for the locker room like she didn't hear everyone calling after her.
Dan's delighted laughter said she was following her, but she didn't look back to see if Audrey or Kevin were with their captain. The locker room door banged closed behind them, muffling most of the noise from the crowd, and Neil caught the tail-end of Kevin's sour complaint. Neil's temper flared hot again, and this time, she didn't choke it back. She turned and shoved Kevin into the door as hard as she could.
Kevin had the better part of a foot on her, but he was too startled to defend himself. Dan gaped at Neil. Audrey, who had attacked Matt for hitting Kevin, took a neat step out of the way. Neither of them was going to interfere, so Neil focused on Kevin.
"Enough," Neil said, in fast and furious French. "Don't ever try to censor me again. I am not going to let him dictate how I end this."
"You are going to bring him down on all of us," Kevin shot back. "You don't think."
"You aren't thinking either. You cannot be afraid of him anymore."
"It is not a switch you turn on and off. You of all people know this." Kevin finally pushed Neil off her, and Neil let her when it was clear Kevin wouldn't try to get past her. "You did not grow up with him. You do not get to judge me."
"I am not judging you. I'm telling you it's past time you stand your ground. What's the point of any of this if you're still his pet at the end of the day? If you really believed in us– if you really believed in yourself– you'd push back."
"You don't understand."
"Yeah, I fucking don't. You have a way out. You have a future, so why won't you take it? Why are you so afraid to take it?"
Just like that, her anger was cracking, breaking apart from the weight of premature grief and too much need. The way Kevin's expression faded from irritated to intent said he heard that hoarse edge in Neil's words. Neil struggled to hold onto her rage and bulled on anyway.
"When I first found out about the Moriyamas, I stayed because I thought you had a chance. One of us had to make it and I wanted it to be you! But you still believe in that number on your face. What's so important about being second-best?"
Kevin looked at Audrey. Audrey couldn't follow any of the argument, but it turned out not as a bid for help, since Kevin said, "When we tried to sign Audrey to the Ravens, she said the same thing. She said I didn't interest him because I made a career of coming second. I don't want this, but I'm not like you. I have always been Riko's. I know more than anyone what happens when you defy a Moriyama."
"You know," Neil agreed. "But they already took everything away from you. What else do you have to lose?"
Kevin didn't answer. Neil gave him a minute, then turned away. Wymack was waiting at the end of the hall with his arms crossed and an unlit cigarette dangling from his lips. He quirked a brow at Neil as she headed his way.
"I don't know if you recall, but we won." Wymack said. "Any particular reason you're trying to kill the good mood?"
Neil bit at her lips like a caged animal. "Somehow I don't think Kevin is going to try to take his tattoo off with a knife like I did." Seth barked a laugh and Neil ignored him. "Oh, and sorry in advance about the press. They started it."
"Christ alive," Wymack said, ignoring the silence that had fallen at Neil's comment. "What did you do this time?"
"Called Riko a Class I douchebag," Dan piped up. "Not in so many words, but I think they got the message."
Wymack dug a thumb into his temple. "I should have asked for hazard pay when I took this job. Out, out, out. I'm not dealing with your attitude problem until I've had a couple of drinks. That goes for the rest of you, too. Get out of my sight, and get cleaned up. If you're not in the van with your gear in twenty minutes, I'm leaving you here. And, hey. Good job tonight."
He said they only had twenty minutes, but Neil still wasted ten of them in the shower. She turned the water on too hot and didn't care that it scalded her skin. She took the luxury of stripping off her tape completely, and scratching away the sticky gunk with her fingernails until it was her own blood under her fingernails. She had never felt more real.
The Ravens, of course, handled Neil's insults with their rude grace. Their only official comment on the matter that night was that they couldn't care less what a loudmouthed amateur had to say about them. Neil was a little surprised they stopped there, that they didn't knock her performance in December. Belatedly, though, she realized they couldn't throw her under the bus, since that would undermine Riko's estimation of her worth. Neil climbed into her top bunk to sleep feeling more than a little smug.
The fans, though, started their own retaliation before sunrise. Pounding on the door startled Neil awake. She glanced at the clock first, the dim window second, and scrubbed a hand across tired eyes. The pounding stopped, but Matt's phone started ringing a second later. Matt rolled over and blindly slapped at it. Neil slung her legs over, and climbed down the ladder.
"Come on," Seth grumbled, voice grainy with sleep. "Let's get this bullshit over with so I can go back to fucking sleep."
Voices in the hall were loud enough to carry through the door, muffled, but angry. Neil didn't recognize any of them, but as Seth pulled the door open, she definitely heard the word cops. Neil opened her mouth to ask what was going on, but Dan slipped past both of them as soon as she could fit through the doorway. Neil watched her make a beeline for the bedroom, then leaned into the hall. She was torn between getting into the chaos and hearing it from Dan.
The problem was solved, though, when Dan said, loud enough to hear, "–trashed the cars."
That was enough for Seth, who pushed through the crowds in the hallway. Neil stuck to the wake he made, and they were the first of the Exy team down the parking lot. Matt caught up to them by jumping the last flight of stairs completely, and Dan jogged to fall in behind Neil.
Neil didn't know what was worse: the sight or the smell. A layer of raw meat, broken eggs, and rocks covered the parking lot and stuck to the athletes' cars. Some cars got by with a couple dings and scratches; others had cracks and holes in their windows and windshields. Enraged athletes swarmed the parking lot, half of them on their phones, the other half raging at the states of their vehicles. Someone had already been inside long enough to get a bucket, and she was steadfastly scrubbing beef off of her hood. Squad cars and campus security were on the scene, with a dozen officers taking statements and pictures.
Any thought that this wasn't her fault died when Neil spotted Matt's truck. Someone had taken extra time to wreck it. Every window on the cab had been busted clean out, leaving only glittering spikes of glass around the frames. The tires were long-deflated from wild slashes. New dents were pounded into the frame from whatever tool the rioters had used on the windows. Allison's car was in the same sorry shape two spots down from Matt's. She stood by the trunk with her arms folded tight across her chest, her face a stony mask.
She looked up at their approach. Neil barely noticed that she treated Seth the same as the rest of them, because Matt was already speaking.
"The hell?" Matt said in a strangled tone. He reached for his truck but drew up short, not wanting to actually touch it. "How did no one hear them?"
"They saved the windows for last," Allison said. She jerked her chin to indicate the men standing across the row from them. "Paris called the police when he heard glass break, but he couldn't get down here fast enough to see any faces, just a lot of cars peeling out of here. At least four, he said, maybe five."
"Oh, Jesus," Matt said, only emphasizing Seth's silence. "Are we really going to do this again?"
"I'm sorry," Neil couldn't help but say. Guilt was becoming all-too familiar, but this time it was sickening.
Allison curled her lip at her in scorn. "Shut up. You're not. No, you're not," she insisted when Neil opened her mouth to argue. It didn't sound like an accusation; it sounded like an order. "Have you forgotten who has to pain you back together every morning? If you'd let them steamroll you yesterday after all of that bullshit, I would hate you."
"You told them the truth," Dan said. "It's not your fault they don't like it."
"I don't want this fight coming back on you," Neil said.
"Too late for that now. But whatever," Allison said. She was going for lofty, but there was anger in every tense line when she surveyed her car again. "They want to break my toy? So what? I'll buy another one. Maybe I'll buy two. Fuck them if they think this will hurt me."
"Hey," Matt said, low but urgent.
Neil followed the very unsubtle jerk of his chin to the back door. Renee must have been the only one who volunteered for the job, since she was one leading Audrey down the back steps into the chaos. Audrey's car was further back in the parking lot, and a couple rows over, but Audrey followed Renee to the upperclassmen first. Audrey stopped at Neil's side to inspect the damage. Neil, in turn, studied her face, but there was nothing to see. Audrey looked as unimpressed with this as she did with everything else.
Renee hooked an arm though Allison's and gave her hand a short squeeze. "I'm sorry."
"Has anyone called Coach yet?" Neil asked.
"He called me," Dan said. "The cops are notifying all the coaches and getting them down here to help corral us. He should be here any minute."
Audrey hummed and turned away. Allison nudged Renee in silent permission to follow after Audrey. Renee just glanced over her shoulder at Neil. Neil nodded and went after Audrey. She had only been out there a couple minutes, but the crowd in the parking lot had tripled in size in that time. Despite Allison's tart support, Neil couldn't look anyone else in the face. These athletes had done nothing to earn the Ravens' disfavor. They were collateral damage, suffering now because Neil couldn't keep her mouth shut.
It had never bothered her before. Caring about the Foxes was unexpected, but easily explained due to long exposure. Feeling guilty over these strangers' misfortunes was new and uncomfortable. Every strident voice was a knife on Neil's nerves, and she hated it. Luckily– or not– they reached Audrey's car, and Neil could stop thinking about everyone else for a minute. Her mouth fell open in silent disbelief.
The Ravens' fans hadn't stopped with Audrey's tires and windows, and they hadn't settled for simple dings. It looked like they had taken a sledgehammer to the entire frame, pounding fist-deep craters throughout the entire vehicle. Red spray paint across what was left of the mangled hood screamed TRAITOR. The front seats were shredded, as were the back, as far in as people could reach their knives through the nonexistent windows. Someone had burst compost bags in the backseat; everything from leftovers to coffee filters and chicken bones were piled a foot deep on the cushions. On top of the reeking mountain was a dead fox.
An anguished wail jarred Neil from her shock. She shot a quick look to her left and saw Nicky had shown up with Aaron and Kevin in tow. Nicky looked devastated as he took in the car's state; Aaron looked as if he had been sucker punched. Kevin had a hand over his nose and mouth to block out the smell, but his green eyes were wide. It took him only a moment to notice Neil's attention, but she immediately tore it away. She didn't want to hear anything that Kevin would say to her.
Nicky stumbled over to the car and pressed unsteady hands to the misshapen hood. "No, no, no," he said piteously. "What did they do to you, baby? What did– is that a dead animal? Oh, Jesus, Aaron, there's a dead animal in our car. I'm going to be sick."
Aaron inched closer, and leaned over to the look inside, He cursed at the sight waiting for him and was quick to retreat. He hid his nose in the crook of his elbow as he gave the car another once-over, then glowered at Neil. Neil knew what was coming before Aaron even dropped his arm to speak.
"You just had to open your mouth, didn't you?"
"I thought he would come at me," Neil said. "I didn't think you'd get caught up in it."
"Right," Aaron said snidely. "Seth's a one-off, then?"
Neil flinched so hard she took a step back. She opened her mouth to argue, but she couldn't defend herself against an accusation like that. Not when she had seen the police report herself.
It turned out she didn't have to. She hadn't realized the upperclassmen had come around to check on them, but Allison was past Neil in a heartbeat, and she backhanded Aaron hard enough to nearly knock him down. She might have taken another swing, except Audrey moved like lightning.
Neil was faster.
Audrey had her arm up as she moved, ready to catch Allison's, but Neil grabbed it in time to yank it behind Audrey's back with a cruel twist. Audrey bucked, and tore free of Neil's admittedly loose grip, but had given Renee all the time needed to get to Allison. She didn't waste her time going after Audrey; Renee had simply shoved Allison before she could hit Aaron again.
"That's enough," Renee said. She stood guard in front of Allison, and an Audrey so stiff she was clearly ready to implode at any moment. "It's just Allison. Okay? It's just Allison."
"It is not just anyone when she lays a hand on what's mine," Audrey spat. "Get out of the way."
"You know I won't," Renee said. "You told me to protect them."
"You failed," Audrey said. "You should have been faster."
"You should keep a leash on your brother then," Neil said. She was expecting Audrey to turn on her, but she hadn't expected the knife that seemed to appear in her hands. Still, she said, "You talk a lot of shit about standing up for him and protecting him, but everything he's ever gotten himself into was his own fucking fault. Maybe let Aaron taste the consequences of his actions for once."
"I made him a promise," Audrey said in German. "I won't be the one to break it."
"He has already broken it," Neil said. "Stop closing your eyes to it. Aaron broke the promise. Do not keep it here when it won't be appreciated again. Have you forgotten Tilda?"
"Fuck you," Audrey spat.
"Audrey," Aaron choked, then faltered. Neil wished she dared to look away from Audrey to see Aaron's expression. All anger had vanished from Aaron's voice; he sounded almost lost. "No, Audrey. It's all right. I'm all right. It didn't even hurt."
Audrey stared at Neil for another endless moment. Neil riled a glance at Aaron. Aaron was staring at Audrey like he'd never seen her before. Neil's gaze locked onto the knife as soon as it moved, but she stood completely still as Audrey brought it up, slotting the tip so nicely into the dip of her solar plexus.
"You stop me one more time, and I won't hesitate to put this blade clean through you," Audrey warned.
"Audrey," Aaron repeated.
Dan, though, said, "Do not fucking hurt him, you asshole. He was just protecting Allison."
"You do not have the right to act surprised," Audrey said. The fury was gone from her voice, but it burned all the more powerfully from where her eyes bored into Neil. "That is the second time in as many weeks one of you has forgotten yourself. You should have learned your lesson the first time. You do not get to take offense when you force my hand."
Neil heard movement behind her, and held out a hand to stall the upperclassmen. "Renee," Neil said. "Take everyone inside."
"This isn't–"
A booming voice cut Dan off. "What the fuck is going on here?"
Neil's heart almost punched a hole through her ribcage. She had been so intent on Audrey and her knife that she hadn't heard Wymack's approach. She darted a quick look over her shoulder, but had to quickly look away from the anger on Wymack's face. Wymack raked his team with a glare and waited for them to recover. Neil didn't dare move away from Audrey's knife. Dan was the first one to find her voice again.
"Nothing," she said, heated and obviously lying. "Just rethinking every time we defended our decision to recruit the monsters."
"Enough," Wymack said, and snapped his fingers at the upperclassmen. "Where are you parked? Go wait with your cars. I'll be there in two seconds. Go, I said." He waited until they'd squeezed between cars to get back to their row, then turned a stony stare onto Audrey's lot. "Audrey, put the goddamn knife away. What the fuck is going on?"
There was no point in lying when the upperclassmen were going to tell Wymack everything, so Neil summed it up as, "Allison hit Aaron, so Audrey tried to hit back. I stopped her."
"And he won't do it again," Audrey said. The knife pressed hard enough to finally break skin, but Audrey wasn't the first person to get to that spot. She would be cutting open a mark from Riko.
Wymack closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was obviously trying not to snap at them, not wanting to reignite an awful situation, but it took an age before he dropped his hand. "Audrey, we are going to talk about this. No, I am going to talk about this, and you are going to listen. Today, but not now. After the rest of this chaos has been sorted out. Do you understand?" Wymack gave her a minute to acknowledge that, then said, "I didn't hear you."
"You'll talk, I'll listen," and even Neil wasn't sure if she was agreeing nor summarizing Wymack's demands.
"I'm going to check on them," Wymack said. "I'll be right back. When I come back, you are going to have that knife out of Neil, and we are going to focus on the real problem and the real enemy. Is that clear?"
"Crystal," Nicky said weakly.
"Yes, Coach," Neil said.
Wymack stomped off, and Neil turned a flat stare back on Audrey.
"Anything else?" she asked.
Audrey's jaw worked, but when she didn't say anything. Neil would have walked into her knife to prove a point, but she had already been benched for far too long, so she just stepped away.
"Break your deal with Aaron," Neil said, "or tell him to watch his mouth. Next time he brings up rape like that, it won't be Allison hitting him, it will be me. Get over your hypocrisy and pull your head out of the sand, Audrey. I'm tired of it."
Neil turned around and went back to the dorm without another word. As the door slammed shut behind her, she saw the flashing lights that announced the pigs' arrival. She found the dorm empty, which was as good of a sign as any to haul out her homework. Half an hour later, Seth spilled into the room. He hadn't even put shoes on, it seemed, so he spent a good few minutes picking glass out of the soles of his feet and bitching about it while Neil tried her best to ignore him.
Finally, though, Seth snapped his fingers. "Come on, freak. Wymack's got food at the stadium for us."
"I don't want to go," Neil said.
"Well, too bad. I'm not letting you eat another three peanut butter sandwiches for lunch again. Besides, you did the hard part. Now you have to show up. You have to prove to the Monster that you're not afraid of her. Which, I guess I should say thank you for."
Neil blinked. "Why?"
"You helped Al. Who knows what Minyard would have done to her, but I'm sure glad that we didn't have to find out. You're not hurt are you?"
Neil gave a tired shrug, then shook her head. She meant every word she had said, of course, but she was tired. She didn't care anymore, not really. This was supposed to be a place to rest before her death. A place to just play Exy, but the team was overly complicated. If they kept up like this, they would lose.
"Neither of us have cars either way," Neil said, "And we can't use Matt's now."
"God forbid two collegiate athletes have to walk. Come on, I've seen you run around so fast it's like you've never even met the floor. Stop busting your ass to make excuses and let's go."
Neil had nothing to say to that, so she heaved herself up, changed clothes, and followed Seth back down the stairs. She was already confused, but somehow the last thing she expected was Seth then trying to start up a conversation.
"You're a crazy kid," Seth said. "You remind me of my little brother. I was never brave enough to do anything or say anything against my parents. Just like you, though, that kid opened his mouth and told his teachers and his friends and anyone who would listen that our Daddy was beating the shit out of us."
Neil vaguely wondered if Seth had his keys to the dorm, or if they would just be locked out. Neil certainly didn't have hers with her. She didn't ask him, since even if she didn't want to listen, he seemed intent on talking.
"He was the son of a bitch that got all the kids split up and in different houses. I was only a year out from being eighteen. I was so mad at him I could've killed him as soon as I saw him. I think he knew that. He must've. Still, he came home, and he was already expecting a dressing down from some of the younger ones, but I could tell right out the gate that he was terrified of what I was going to do to him. You know what, though? I couldn't have done anything to him anyway. He did everything I had always wanted to do but was too afraid to."
Neil still didn't know where this was going. Seth must've sensed that, since Neil got a very hard elbow to the ribs.
"That's exactly what you're like, kid. You're doing everything that the rest of the Foxes wished they had done. The shit you say to the press, and the way you act in practice? I don't give a fuck what the Monsters or the saps like Dan or Matt say to you. You have to keep doing this. Don't ever listen to Day when he opens his coward mouth and spews shit. It's not just for you, it's for all of us. You're giving the Foxes the hope that they've never had before."
Neil felt her mouth twitch up, so she rubbed it away with a thumb. When she was confident it was gone, she said, "We'll get to the semifinals. There will be scouts there, and they're going to go directly after you."
Seth shook his head. "I don't want that anymore. I don't think I ever wanted it. It was just another excuse, I think, to be mad. It's… I won't be able to find my siblings. They're long gone, and I won't be able to find them. I want to help those kids, though. Social workers from nice backgrounds are all well and good, but no one's gonna get some of those cases like fuckups like us are gonna."
Neil shrugged. She didn't know nearly enough about that system except for what Audrey and Renee had said about it.
"Yeah," Seth said, then slowly brought his hand up to ruffle Neil's hair. "Figured that would be your response. I had to tell you, though. If I ever find that kid, you're the first one I'm telling. Do you think when I tell you it'll shake something real out of you, or no?"
Neil gave a shrewd glance around, but the sidewalk around them was empty anyway. She chewed on the words for a while before she said, "In my bottom drawer, there's a safe that has a binder. There's about a quarter million in blood money, and coordinates to more. It's all encoded, but it's all yours if I die. If you can break the codes, that is. Don't call the phone number."
"Why am I not even surprised?" Seth sighed, then laughed, deep and rumbling in a way that Neil had never heard from anyone before. It lasted almost a few minutes. "Fuck, kid, you're such a freak. Any other Fox would be concerned about your imminent death, you know. That's not just something you should be throwing around."
"You're the only one who knows," Neil said. "Well, Kevin, but–"
"He's an idiot," Seth finished, and Neil didn't feel the need to correct him.
The thought of the safe, though, sparked something. She wondered how much the insurance companies would cover repairs for the Foxes' cars. Even if it couldn't cover everything, Allison and Matt had enough money to pick up the rest. The cousins didn't have that kind of cash, and their car was nearly as expensive as Allison's was, if Matt was right. Nicky had already predicted they'd get bad news back on it.
The rest of the Foxes gave her the rundown when they got to the stadium. Wymack promised the school was footing the bill for rental cars and vans for the week that was coming that afternoon, and had already done a press release. Neil didn't want to be there at all, not when she was feeling sticky with guilt. But when Wymack finally released them, it took only a glance between the three strikers to have them out on the court for an early night practice.
They were interrupted by someone banging on the plexiglass.
It was Allison.
All of them stopped to let her onto the court, all geared up, iconic braids swinging loose from under her helmet.
Neil had no idea what to do with a defensive dealer at night practice, but Kevin didn't even question it. Allison was put on the first of the Raven drills, all cones in a line. Neil remembered just how much progress she had made over the course of these months, and something close to pride tugged at her as she threw herself completely into her pounding feet, and the constant thud of balls. They were the only things that had ever been able to save her from her own secrets and scars.