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Chapter Text

At some point in his life, Rayne had liked to be surrounded by other people. He vaguely remembered that being the case when he was young, before his parents died. He more clearly remembered thinking that had still been the case for some time after his parents’ deaths. His dislike and short fuse when it came to others built up gradually over time until he developed severe animosity towards adults in particular. Children he disliked enough to avoid them.

He didn’t avoid Finn; that was neither possible back then nor something he would’ve done voluntarily. He loved his brother; he was the only thing keeping him grounded. More than once in his childhood, Rayne had feared losing his mind if Finn wasn’t there with him anymore. That was one of the reasons why he could never bring himself to leave his brother at an orphanage when they couldn’t take them both.

What the fuck was Rayne supposed to do on his own? On the first night away from Finn, when he was seven and Rayne was nine, Rayne found himself in a shack which soon became one of the coldest places he had ever slept in, even without any snow and cold from the harsh winter. His shoulders trembled despite him furiously rubbing his hands over his arms, all the while his ears started to hurt from all the minuscule creaks and squeaks of the wood surrounding him and the wind passing through the holes in the walls.

No additional source of warmth and noise was there anymore to hold him steadfast against the world. His emotions went haywire in a way he had never experienced before.

Rayne disliked being surrounded by others but he hated and then feared being alone. Before he had to grapple with his own insecurities, opposed to Finn’s safety, however, the universe decided to take pity on him by being just shitty enough that Finn wasn’t actually safe in the orphanage on his own. It was a win-win for both of them when Rayne secretly pulled his brother from an enchanted window. The bruises on his face and hands from the punishments he received were still visible because they would only be disappeared after a night of feeling pain.

Still, they both lost in life.

Until Wahlberg accepted them years later into Easton Middle School. Rayne strategically declined the offer of him going to middle school alone until Finn was old enough to attend as well. He still needed to protect his younger brother, and he couldn’t do that from as far away as Easton. But the thought of being away from Finn disturbed Rayne even more than that.

He needed to protect his fragile sense of self, which had long since shifted into survival mode, specifically one construed on the responsibilities of an older brother. He couldn’t function outside of that mode anymore. Even as a young teenager, he still shivered at the thought of living away from Finn. That didn’t mean Rayne had the best and most loving relationship with his brother, but they had a relationship that worked for both of them. Rayne never once disliked being surrounded by Finn.

But even he had to grow up at some point. It started with him and Finn not living in-between shelters and the street anymore. The fight for survival in his life decreased immensely when they both finally moved to Easton; his survival mode had a significantly longer shelf life, though, and led to numerous fights and property destructions basically immediately after setting foot into their new home. Alongside that, Rayne’s other badly managed personality traits were forced to the light because the big disadvantage to going to a boarding school was constantly being in one place with a huge number of people at all times.

Rayne disliked being surrounded by others, but with what else was a classroom made of? Rayne hated adults, especially those with any kind of authority over him but what were teachers there for? Survival on the street meant Rayne could remove himself whenever he wanted from those two situations. But in a school that had no problem sending their students to the forbidden forests and mountains with a non-zero chance of some of them dying there, asking for remote learning was like asking them to set their flag on fire.

Both Rayne and Finn were also under constant threat of expulsion from Easton: one for violence and insubordination, the other for bad grades. The reason Finn scraped by with his lack of schooling for most of his childhood was that Wahlberg was nice enough to arrange private lessons from a tutor. (For both of them. Finn needed it more.) The reason why Rayne wasn’t thrown out was that he was lucky enough to have never brutalised another student or teacher with far-reaching influence in the Bureau of Magic that surpassed Wahlberg’s.

Rayne mellowed out by the end of his middle school year. But in his first year in high school, he went right back to being extremely violent, this time with a good helping of explosive anger, which he refused to find the origins of. No, he knew the origin of his anger. He rather refused to think about it because it wasn’t something he could change or influence.

Rayne was just over the age of 16 when he found himself back in that icy-cold shack, shivering like it was winter when actually summer was approaching. This time, the shitty universe didn’t take pity on him by creating an earthquake that would destroy the middle school dormitories and force Rayne and Finn to share rooms once more. For the first time in a decade, the Ames brothers didn’t sleep in each other’s vicinity anymore. They didn’t have their home base be the same spot; they stopped breathing the same air while in wand-poking distance.

It was already a miracle that they were allowed to share a room with their differing grades in middle school. Now, there was no excuse anymore; instead, Rayne had to confront his insecurities, because for once, Finn’s safety was guaranteed without him being by his side. He could’ve tried to deal with that circumstance constructively; he could’ve gone to therapy to unpack his issues and get a handle on how he expressed his frustrations. Unfortunately, therapy didn’t exist in the realm of magic anymore because most therapists and their entire field of study had been killed during the height of the lackmagic genocide four decades ago.

On top of that problem, Rayne had to deal with another aspect of his maladaptive personality: extreme pride. He did think of going over to Finn to spend short quality time with him, instead of their usual “silently existing together” routine. Rayne did think of talking with his brother every day. He did think of going on excursions into the forbidden forest with him to relive their homeless years. He did nothing of the sort because he didn’t want to look desperate; like he couldn’t handle himself.

He was sure he could handle himself; just him and the loneliness that made his heart become heavy and threaten to slide down into his stomach. He proved, to himself and no one else, that he could handle being away from Finn by turning his distress into anger he channelled into righting what was wrong in his life: the people who crowded him; the teachers who ordered him around. This time, with more blood.

Rayne had thrown his roommate out on the second night of the new school year. Being surrounded by an unwanted presence while loneliness took hold of him was something even Rayne couldn’t deny freaked him out. He didn’t even hate his roommate; they had known each other for a year, and Rayne found Max easy to be around most of the time. But he couldn’t stomach him being there when Finn was not.

He never thought of the other first year as a friend, mostly because he didn’t know what friendship was. But in his ever-worsening mood and behaviour in the first months of the new school year, it was Max who shed the first light onto his shitty life: With a bunny.

Cute little rabbits had always been the one thing in Rayne’s life he could take just for himself. No worrying about who would house or feed the fluffy creatures; they were wild things living in the woods, Rayne only had to pet and cuddle them. They didn’t say distressing or hurtful things, either; Rayne just gave them some leaves or other foodstuff and they were the happiest things on earth, radiating their sunshine benevolence straight into his soul.

Pressing the fluffy bunny into his chest did wonders for Rayne’s sliding heart and slipping mind. Max got the honour of witnessing that because he was the one to bring him the bunny… but also because Rayne lost control for a second and did something intensely embarrassing in front of the other boy. Max was allowed to stay close to him from that point onward; his pride wasn’t in danger of taking any more hits from then on. At least not regarding bunnies.

At the question of how Max knew that the white fluff ball would be well received by Rayne, the other boy simply said that he had an inkling of what Rayne liked. Rayne had never told anyone about his bunny obsession, though. In middle school, he had always made sure that no one would ever see him frolicking with the forest rabbits, either. Max answered that question by telling him that there were “tells” which puzzled Rayne for days.

With sheer willpower, he later forced an epiphany on himself and brought Max a book from a secret shop in the village below Easton. It was a fiction book from a particular genre, something Max had never told him or anyone else he liked. At the question of how he still got it right, Rayne said that he had remembered Max’s “tells” from middle school and that was how he found out what trashy books he secretly enjoyed.

At Max’s laugh and thank you, Rayne understood for the first time what friendship was. He let Max back into their room but when it came to his worsening behavioural problems, Max and the bunny (permanently glued to his chest as long as he was inside his own four walls) were mere band aids and temporary stress relief. As a first intervention, those two only took the edge off the problem because Rayne still couldn’t sit down and tell anyone – Max, Wahlberg or Finn – what he really wanted and needed.

Until a second intervention came his way. One that dealt with his behavioural issues, but not with the underlying cause(s) of them.

Turned out the universe could take pity on Rayne one last time so he wouldn’t have to grapple with his insecurities. How? By introducing a new threat to Finn’s safety: Rayne himself.

Wahlberg had called him to his office to discuss Rayne’s future, which obviously involved becoming a divine visionary. Yes, that had always been the best option, in Rayne’s mind, to live a good and peaceful life with Finn. Or to at least give that life to Finn. But Wahlberg told him in blunt terms that in the cutthroat world of magic excellence, high-achieving magicians were targeted to snuff their fire out. If the magician was still young and inexperienced, they themselves were the target.

If they had already become too strong, it was their family who would be targeted.

It wasn’t like Rayne had never invited trouble to Finn’s life. This would just be another aspect of it. For a moment, he imagined a world where Finn would be strong and steadfast enough to deal with trouble on his own. But his younger brother was weak; they would never stand shoulder to shoulder with each other. He would always need protection, which left only two solutions to the problem of Finn’s safety.

Either Rayne always stayed at Finn’s side to guard him nonstop. Or Rayne created an environment where Finn would be safe on his own, even through his weaknesses. As of right now, Rayne wasn’t able to just be at Finn’s side at every hour of the day; he was too prideful for that, and he knew he would jeopardise his schooling and his chances at becoming a visionary while also making Finn even more dependent on him.

Creating a safe environment for Finn was the best option, and that included staying away from him so bad actors wouldn’t perceive Finn as a target. Already, many students and teachers didn’t know or believe Finn and Rayne to be brothers and their unusual and repressed conduct with each other was partly to blame for that. (Rayne’s bitch face with its easily triggered scowl was the other half to be blamed. That side of him didn’t bother Finn in the slightest; he grew up on that blank bitch of a face, but others who saw Rayne “scowling” like that at Finn had the impression that the younger boy was hated by the older one).

Rayne’s insecurities and distress at living apart from Finn were ultimately squashed down into a tiny box by reframing their existence as a necessity. With that, Rayne’s anger, like (some of) his violence, piped down, finally. Could Rayne still have managed to engage in quality brother time with Finn? Who knew. It wasn’t like there were any therapists to talk to. Was that even a healthy way to deal with his issues? Same problem.

During all of that, however, Rayne missed the chance to qualify for the divine visionary selection exam. Technically, he had managed to gather the required five gold coins to enter it in his first year of high school. He just constantly lost the bronze, silver and gold coins as punishment for his exceedingly violent behaviour. If he had a well-connected sponsor, such as a parent in the Bureau of Magic, he would’ve kept his coins; alas, Rayne was not only a commoner but also from the underclass of society, having been orphaned and rejected by the rest of his family.

There was no doubt, though, that he would easily regain his qualification for the exam in his second year.

Which meant that it wasn’t surprising when the Head of the Magic Talent Administration called him up for an interview, together with the actual divine visionary candidates. When Rayne entered the hallway leading to the conference and teacher rooms of Easton, his blood pressure spiked because those candidates were there as well. Luckily for everyone involved, private interviews were conducted and not one with the entire group.

The six actual candidates, none of them first years, were not surprised to see him there. Some still raised an eyebrow at first but no one dared to do more than that, too high was the fear of Rayne seeing that as a provocation and showing them up in front of the two divine visionaries who came from the capital. Rayne sat down on the provided chairs in the hallway; the only free one was unfortunately towards the middle of them.

He would’ve preferred a seat at the end of the row. At least on one side, he wouldn’t have had students sitting too close to him. He could’ve taken his chair and moved it to the opposite wall but that would’ve been a childish reaction and an extremely confrontational provocation to mild discomfort.

Several times over the last one-and-a-half years, Rayne had told himself to get better at dealing with people. That he couldn’t keep having internal and external freak-outs just because he was in the vicinity of others not named Finn or Max. He was aiming to become a divine visionary, and never before had he been as close to that as he was now, both metaphorically and physically. Rayne knew that he had reached the point in his life when he was the one solely responsible for his future and conduct; he couldn’t stay the young boy in a constant battle of survival anymore.

Two interventions to his behavioural issues in, and Rayne sat calmly in his place and waited for his turn. Every whispered conversation around him, every worry or excitement or nervousness he felt in the air, every creak of the chairs and every foot tapping on the ground grated on his nerves and made his muscles tense up, but he kept his cool. He either thought of different things or he imagined cuddling his secret bunny he shouldn’t be keeping in his dorm room (he named her Scotch). At the worst moments, he remembered igniting a fire in the forest with his bare hands and wits after his stolen wand had been confiscated by the police when he was eleven.

One after another, the candidates were called into the interview room before coming out 10 to 15 minutes later and leaving. It was to be expected that Rayne was the last one to be called in, seeing as he hadn’t actually met the threshold to officially be invited to this meeting. What was unexpected, however, was the last candidate to give him a thumbs up and brief words of encouragement after coming out. Who* could’ve guessed that not being a violent shithead could earn you a few more friendly interactions in your life?

*therapists

“Rayne Ames. Welcome and take a seat,” said the Head of the Magical Talent Administration from behind the desk he had taken as his own. The Head of the Magical Power Administration and divine visionary selected last year was sitting to the side with a notebook and pen in his hand.

Rayne had been feeling the immense magical powers of the Flame Cane Kaldo Gehenna and the Desert Cane Orter Mádl outside in the hallway, even through the thick and magically enhanced walls of Easton. The immediate presence of the other students had sat more heavily on his shoulders, but now that they and the walls were all gone, only these two highly capable magicians remained.

Rayne felt their combined power in his stomach, but overall, it wasn’t too different from facing Headmaster Wahlberg during his numerous trips to the teacher’s room. The biggest difference, though, was how Rayne learned to like and trust Wahlberg because that old and gentle man had earned his position and power in life while helping the Ames brothers more than anyone else ever did.

Rayne knew that divine visionaries should automatically fall into the same category of earning their status; that wasn’t a position you could cheat, buy or inherit your way into. But knowing and feeling weren’t the same. Rayne still had that hate and mistrust of adults with authority nestled deep inside his soul. Trust in the span of one meeting wouldn’t come easily to him. Rayne’s survival mode had ended but he was still scraping the exploded pieces off the shelf.

“I’m honoured to be here,” Rayne answered politely while walking over to them. Kaldo had been standing when he welcomed Rayne in; now he sat down in a subtle way to socially engineer Rayne to sit down as well, in contrast to just pointing to the third chair in the room with his hand. Some might not have understood that, or they would’ve nervously waited for more obvious instructions, but understanding social cues and being brazenly bold in reaction to them really wasn’t something Rayne was lacking in.

So, without a missed step and with zero hesitation, Rayne walked straight to his chair, pushed it into the correct position, and sat down on it without further adjustments. Then he unflinchingly looked at Kado Gehenna’s face whose eyes looked deceptively closed. The man tilted his head while the grin on his face grew a little, before relaxing in his seat and leaning backwards. He had his own notebook and pen in front of him, but he wasn’t touching them, most likely because Rayne wasn’t here for this year’s selection exam.

Which was in stark contrast to Orter Mádl, who was already writing calmly into his notebook.

“It’s a shame, really, to have your coins taken away until you couldn’t compete this year,” Kaldo began their interview with. Luckily, that wasn’t a difficult conversation starter, because Rayne now had to deal with the fact that two adults who could massively influence his future were sitting in too tight a circle around him.

Another difference between meeting Wahlberg and meeting with these two visionaries was how Wahlberg’s seat in the teacher’s room was located ten meters forward and ten meters up from where the students talked with him. It was a wonder (or magic) of acoustics that no one had to shout to be heard from that distance.

The desk Rayne found himself in front of now, was one of the smallest the teachers had and his chair was placed directly in front of it. With Orter Mádl right at the side of the desk, they could all extend their hands to form a three-way handshake in an awkward triangle. Rayne hoped these two adults would not demand they do exactly that. He would’ve had to bite his tongue and swallow down his blood if he had to do three-way handshakes.

“Some of my coins being confiscated is the expected punishment for my transgressions.”

“Surprisingly mature answer for someone who did all of this.” Kaldo Gehenna leaned forward again just to open a folder on his desk. There were several folders; seven to be precise; neatly corresponding with how many actual and one failed candidate were called to this room that day. “This is quite an impressive list of ‘transgressions’ you’ve accumulated this year. I’m actually curious what your middle school years looked like.”

Kaldo pulled out three pieces of paper from the folder that were full of all the fights, destructions, insults, etc, etc, shit Rayne had done since two days before the new school year had even started. And those were not the reports of those events. Just a list of them in bullet points somewhere between 12 and 15 on every paper. The average student got about two of those bullet points in their reports in a given school year. They were not done with the year yet.

“I assure you that I didn’t get into those incidents while also trying to get into the divine visionary selection exam. The exam had completely slipped my mind, to be honest. If I had properly focused on that, I would’ve restrained myself and stomped down on my exploits.”

“Another mature answer! Whoever you practised with to get this interview with us correct, did a good job.”

“…was it that easy to tell?”

Rayne could proudly say that since he opened the door to this interview, he had his problematic reactions of any kind under control. He didn’t make any grimaces while they talked, he didn’t tap his foot or twiddle his thumbs, nor did he insult anyone or anything. He also didn’t throw a fist or chair, he didn’t snarl or glare at anyone, and his magical aura was flowing evenly through him as well. So he was a little surprised that Max’s intensive lessons on how to talk with people high up the food chain without “being a dick” had been discovered so early.

“With you, it was easy to tell because of this excessive rap sheet,” Kaldo waved Rayne’s transgression history in the air, “and the mature and collected demeanour you’re presenting yourself with right now. If you had been like that since the beginning of the year, you’d have avoided, let’s say, 75% of this list. No?”

Interesting observation. Except…

“I’m sorry to discredit your way of thinking, Mr. Gehenna, but while you came to the correct conclusion, your explanation is off.”

“Oh, really?” Kaldo didn’t react mockingly or defensively to his line of thinking being questioned. He was curious to see what he had missed instead of feeling attacked by someone younger and with a lower status than himself. If that was the standard way of handling conversation between all divine visionaries, then for the first time Rayne actually looked forward to being one as well. Until now, he rather grit his teeth when he thought about everything he had to go through for Finn.

“This is my normal demeanour. With my friend, I merely practised to express myself better.”

“Interesting.” Once more, Kaldo leaned back, this time with his hand under his chin, deep in thought. After tapping his finger against his lips a few times, his grin came back, tenfold. His finger was now making circles while pointing at Rayne. “So what you’re saying is that you and this,” with his other hand, he shook the papers around, “are actually the same. The only difference is that:

• Punching through several layers of clothing of an older student (Lang) with said student’s broom; enchanting the broom; letting the broom fly hundreds of meters into the sky with the student attached; leaving; causing severe injury to said student after his fall.

“Is your other way of expressing yourself. Am I correct?”

Rayne remembered that incident. He didn’t remember why he did what he did, which meant he most likely did it out of anger. There were several things he didn’t want to talk about during this interview, and his improved behaviour during middle school crashing into anger-fuelled misbehaviours in high school, was one of them. So, “I’m getting better at it,” was the only answer he was willing to give to these two men.

Kaldo chuckled into his hand before throwing Rayne’s “rap sheet” back into the folder it came from. “I didn’t miss the dates on your ‘transgressions’. The way you express yourself did indeed improve in the last two months. Which makes this list that much more impressive, actually. You managed to accrue quite a few offences in just half a school year. Isn’t that right, Orter?”

For the first time, the other visionary became part of their interview. Orter Mádl wasn’t in a hurry to answer, though, not until he was finished writing his findings on Rayne down. He didn’t wait too long to answer either, which meant Rayne had just the perfect amount of time to re-centre himself with new expectations for how this interview was going. With Kaldo, it went surprisingly well. But with Orter, on the other hand?

“Your long list of offences against the school, its students and its faculty wouldn’t be half as impressive if members of the Bureau of Magic and other highly regarded individuals of society didn’t constantly influence the school to erase the numerous offences of certain other students.” 

That wasn’t an answer Rayne had expected. It was barely an answer Rayne knew to be true. Yes, sometimes he witnessed certain students get preferential treatment and he suspected even more of that happening in the background he didn’t see. But if a divine visionary and head of one of the administrations said it so plainly, then tinkering with the school records through foreign interference was a massive problem in Easton.

“I see,” Rayne answered Orter directly in the shortest way he could think of. They had been locking eyes since the other was finished writing. That was an intense stare he was levelled with; intense in the sense that no other expression nor movement happened on Orter’s face to draw attention away from those swirled irises. Together with Orter’s title as the Desert Cane, Rayne imagined that quicksand might look like those eyes.

“Wow, you two could take part in a blank stare tournament and meet in the finale.” Kaldo, for some reason, found his own comment extremely funny and snickered into his hand again before righting himself and motioning with his hand for the other visionary to continue. Orter did that after breaking eye contact with Rayne and pulling out a sheet of paper of his own from his notebook. Rayne did not like the cheap colour or the blocky magic-feather-writing on it. He got a bad feeling about what was to come.

How bad could it possibly be, though? Well, Orter Mádl graduated from the police academy. So really bad if the universe hated Rayne enough.

“You started middle school in the third year at the age of 15.” Rayne immediately knew where that was going. “Before that, you lived in various places, some noted officially with long periods of time where your residence wasn’t marked down in any city, town or village.” There was only one thing that could possibly conclude that kind of summary of his life. “What was marked down, however, and repeatedly, are the arre–“

“The arrests by the police for various juvenile delinquencies and my stay in a juvenile detention facility.”

That was not something he thought about practising with Max. Rayne simply assumed that his past wrongdoings wouldn’t come up here at all, because one, no one in the school outside of Headmaster Wahlberg and Finn knew of them, and two, Rayne wasn’t an actual candidate for this year’s selection exam. Who would think of digging deeper than his school records for a failed candidate?

Orter Mádl apparently. Even Kaldo Gehenna didn’t know anything about him on that front.

“That’s my second wow for you, today, Rayne Ames. Wow.” The grin stayed on, though, which was the only sign Rayne could see that he wasn’t in some deep shit, this time dug by himself years ago.

Chapter Text

Rayne knew Orter Mádl. Not personally, and barely only from a distance.

The newest divine visionary came out of nowhere to take part in last year’s selection exam, which he won easily, just like the final exam later on. He was celebrated as one of the most talented visionaries, even though he was off the radar of anyone looking for the next strong magician.

At 21 years old, he came from the police academy branch of Easton after earning his required coins in less than three weeks, setting a new record since the coin system had been introduced. Technically, that was easier to accomplish in the police academy because formal schooling was over in their last year of training, and you earned more coins by fighting magical beasts and criminals compared to doing well in written or practical exams.

But in all the years since the academy had been integrated into Easton, nothing even close to that had ever happened. While selection exam candidates did come from the academy from time to time, none of them ever became visionaries until Orter either. Rayne had watched the last exam in the arena, and he had to agree with everyone when it came to the new Desert Cane: he was a force, a tactical genius, a visionary when it came to manipulating his cumbersome sand magic.

So it was no wonder that the thought of being attacked, of being surrounded and being pulled under was now at the forefront of Rayne’s mind in his conversation with Orter Mádl. Only the thought, though. Not yet the feeling. Rayne had himself under control even after he was acutely aware again that Finn wouldn’t be sleeping in the same room as him and that he did not have Scotch with him to cuddle against his chest.

“I’m sorry for interrupting you, but I wanted to express how I’m not hiding my past actions from anyone.”

Kaldo was just about to open his mouth to make some kind of remark. From everything Rayne had understood about the man’s character, it was probably a joke based on how Rayne had talked about ‘expressing’ himself again. He vaguely remembered an incident in his rap sheet where, in a similar situation to this one, someone had insulted Rayne as a poor charity case. At that time, he had expressed himself by slowly pouring acid made in his potion class over the student.

However, the Flame Cane declined to make unnecessary jokes and let his colleague continue with his part of the interview.

Or was this an interrogation at this point?

“These juvenile crimes are not mentioned in your school record. I will ask the question about what kind of sponsor you have that made that possible later. Now I want to know if you openly talk about your past misdeeds with others, if you’re really not hiding them.”

Rayne was imagining Orter in a police uniform. He had met his fair share of police officers in his short life, some of whom had dragged him into a police station to be interrogated or jailed, some of whom had beaten him for being disrespectful or doing something illegal, perceived or real. Rayne had no problem imagining a uniform on Orter… but something was off about that picture. Rayne had trouble putting his wand on it, though.

“I confess that I don’t.” For half a second, Rayne thought about lying to the Desert Cane, but he threw that idea out as fast as it came. Not only was it risky doing that to not one but two visionaries at the same time, but also because there was no need. Why would he be lying when he was utterly comfortable with the truth? “I would if someone asked about it, but no one ever does because my past conflicts with the law are unknown. And I’m not changing that, at least not with the student body at large.”

More writing from Orter while Kaldo made himself comfortable in his chair to attentively listen to their conversation.

“One could say,” Orter looked back at Rayne with his impenetrable gaze, “that your juvenile delinquencies should’ve barred you from entering Easton.”

Rayne heard a snapping sound from some corner of his mind. This kind of statement (just in regard to being dirt poor) had been levelled at him, and more importantly at Finn, since they had started school in Easton. Before that as well. That was one of the triggers that had set Rayne off in middle school, especially. It was strange, though. The snapping sound he heard was more of a phantom echo than his nerves getting pulled until they ripped apart.

Maybe it was because Rayne sat in front of the strongest people on earth? Maybe it was because this interview was amicable until that point. Or it was the way Orter delivered that line, without judgment, and that was how Rayne wasn’t triggered. Whatever the explanation was, Rayne was surprisingly calm and collected when he answered that statement.

“If my police record had been that bad, I wouldn’t be here under any circumstances except through a probation several judges would’ve needed to sign off on. For my edge case, the Headmaster’s discretion was enough. Which I’m thankful for.”

Even more writing. By now, Rayne was so focused on Orter that he barely checked on how Kaldo was reacting to what was said.

“Wahlberg Baigan is known for his philanthropic approaches in life, which explains why your numerous accounts of theft, illegal entry, squatting, resisting arrest and a collective 8 months of incarceration in several juvenile detention facilities were not put into your school record when it was created two years ago. This information itself is also hard to get without a high authority on police matters.”

Rayne had been interrogated by all sorts of police officers, detectives, prosecutors and normal folk with too much of an authority complex. They ranged from maniacal to calculated to bored, angry, out for a promotion, sympathetic and depressed. Orter Mádl was different to all of them but Rayne still couldn’t figure out how. In some aspects, he seemed like the calculating sort but for that, he was too… dispassionate? But you needed at least some sort of passion to dig that deep into someone’s hidden files.

“I didn’t ask the Headmaster to conceal my past.”

This time, for that short answer, Orter didn’t look at his notebook again to write something down. The “interview” went on immediately.

“Headmaster Baigan was well within his rights to do what he did.” That would’ve been the moment where anyone else Rayne had ever met, even the most stoic of policemen, would’ve injected some sort of emotion into their statement. Consternation over Wahlberg’s actions. Or bored dismissal of it. Maybe even respect depending on the angle Orter came at this interview/interrogation, which Rayne still hadn’t figured out.

But Orter Mádl was… emotionless. As dry as the desert. Which couldn’t be said for Rayne after the newest visionary completed his statement.

“Easton provides leeway for cases like you to integrate smoothly into the school. But it’s also in our right as visionaries to exclude and bar you from participating in the selection exam for any reason that makes you unsuitable for the position of divine visionary.”

This time, the snap Rayne heard inside his head wasn’t a phantom echo of all the last times his nerves had been stressed too much. That snap, which had Rayne’s fingers dig into his thighs, one foot push against the marble floor, and one side of his lips curl against his teeth, was a physical reaction to Finn’s safety and future being in danger.

All the oppressive sensations of being in a room surrounded by immense magical energy radiating off powerful men of authority, which he had dealt with well until now, prickled his skin like sandpaper in an instant. Even his discomfort from earlier about sitting between six other students came back with a vengeance to assault his senses. It was like someone had thrown boiling water over him.

But Rayne was already past reacting with extreme violence when agitated like that. The thought of Scotch alone calmed him down enough to get going. Not that violence would’ve amounted to anything in this situation, either, except to put an unbreakable seal on his exclusion from being a divine visionary. After taking a few seconds to get his body under control – something that no one in this room missed – Rayne managed to loosen his facial muscles enough to speak again without snarling and spitting.

“And… am I unsuitable?”

Despite all his efforts to calm down and seem in control of himself, Rayne’s best under these circumstances only amounted to expressing himself like a well-dressed juvenile delinquent two steps removed from using his wand like a knife in your eye. A wonder that no one ever found out about his past until now. A quick glance at Kaldo and his new one-sided grin told Rayne that the Flame Cane thought the same. 

He resigned himself to the fact that the rest of this interview would be the equivalent of his teeth being pulled without magical or herbal anaesthesia. While he waited for Orter to answer him, his skin started to bubble up under his clothes, too… If worst came to worst, Rayne thought in Max’s voice to calm himself down even more, the best option would be to excuse himself and leave before something irreversibly bad happened.

But miraculously… he didn’t need to in the end. With all the shit that would be brought up about his past in the next minutes, angrily leaving that interview should’ve been the best-case scenario for his barely controlled behavioural issues. Somehow, he calmed down, though. Somehow, something better for his nerves than thinking about Scotch, Max and Finn materialised out of thin air to assist him in this interview.

“If you had earned the needed coins for this year’s exam,” that was the moment when Rayne grit his teeth, sure that he would break one of them again with his own anger, “I would’ve personally written you out of it due to the unmistakeable continuation of your childhood delinquent tendencies to middle school and high school.” No one had even mentioned all the shit he did in middle school until now but for some reason, as Orter continued to explain his reasoning, Rayne… relaxed his jaw instead of breaking anything in or outside of his mouth.

He had been staring intensely – borderline aggressively – at those swirling quicksands of eyes that unflinchingly stared back at him. Paired with his words, Orter should’ve caused Rayne’s mood to crash even further but… the Desert Cane was too calm for that kind of cascade to start through him. Rayne blinked once when the urge to throttle another human left his body and he blinked a second time when he saw that Orter didn’t seem to want to throttle him either, despite everything he said.

Ah. No wonder Rayne felt that something was off about imagining Orter in a police uniform: that man lacked the malice he associated with those who made it their business to deal with or chase after him. Every policeman who ever decided to sit in front of little Rayne to interrogate him was a bastard who hated, despised and thought less of him. Orter Mádl, on the other hand, was…

…not the opposite but something else entirely.

“Actions like that, especially when they started as early as yours, your life circumstances not included in this analysis for now, are unsuitable for the position of divine visionary.”

Another statement that should’ve made Rayne angrier but again, it calmed him down, doing the exact opposite. By now, he realised how that happened, at least some part of it: Orter wasn’t hating him. He wasn’t maliciously stacking his mistakes on top of each other to hurt Rayne where he couldn’t defend himself. Even when Orter left out crucial details in the conclusion of his statement, like how Rayne was a street orphan when he started stealing, which would push all his arrests into a different light, he pointed that out on his own to be debated later.

Rayne wasn’t facing someone who had it out for him; someone on a warpath to make his life worse because of some negative feelings towards his actions, behaviours and status as a lower-class citizen like so many others Rayne had faced before in his life. Orter Mádl was merely, indifferently, listing his past mistakes because they related to his future ambitions and the law. That man was like an enchanted feather doing its one job, in this case, evaluating someone’s merits. And for that, he would dig as deep as was necessary.

Rayne remembered that one time when a policeman had painfully dragged him by his neck into a dark room, full of the intention of beating him up because he got into a fight with other non-orphaned kids. The policeman couldn’t have known who had started the fight (the other kids because they picked on Finn), still he went straight for Rayne to teach him a lesson about knowing his place. Rayne became angry of course but when he saw the hatred in the adult man’s eyes directed at him, his anger turned into hot, blistering rage like never before. The policemen saw that and reacted by beating Rayne up even worse.

Rayne’s fuse with others had been permanently cut short because of that encounter. Any negative emotions he saw in the people around him set him off into a rage faster. With only a few more encounters like that in the next years, his tolerance for perceiving any kind of emotion in others crashed and burned, too.

That – that give-and-take dynamic between Rayne and the people who antagonised or just existed around him – was completely absent with Orter. Rayne’s anger and bad mood weren’t agitated further by Orter and his own feelings on the matter…

…because there were no feelings to be found in the Desert Cane. On the contrary, Rayne felt his irritation, the rising tension in his body, and the prickling under his skin that had been just about to turn into the pain of a thousand needles stabbing him unendingly; he felt all of that slowly washed away by heavy and swirly sand until Rayne had completely calmed down.

His future was still in jeopardy, however, but now that he didn’t have to fight his mind’s cascade of emotions and his body’s reactions to them, Rayne had the space to analyse and properly digest everything Orter was saying. And he found that he wouldn’t need to defend himself as much as he feared he would.

Orter Mádl, with the emotionless passion of a feather ordered to do a task until it was completed with 100% satisfaction, would do the defending himself.

Simply because it was part of completing his job as an evaluator of divine visionary candidates.

Chapter Text

The room they were in, packed full of ornate things and books on two dozen shelves that hadn’t been touched in centuries, belonged to one of the younger professors at Easton. Rayne had the suspicion that Kaldo Gehenna had chosen this particular room because it was one of the smallest in the school with probably the smallest desk available to teachers on the entire campus and beyond. Rayne had intentionally not thought about how cramped the space they were doing the interview in was; that would’ve been too much for him to handle when he was already irrationally scared of doing three-way handshakes with two divine visionaries.

After the worst his mood had suffered during this interview had gone by and resolved itself because of how unbelievably professional and emotionless Orter Mádl was, Rayne found he had the mental capacity now to assess the things he had ignored until then. Like how Kaldo had intentionally sought out a small and cramped environment where potential visionaries had to be in extreme proximity to realised visionaries to see how they would handle that stress.

Kaldo’s forward and friendly demeanour, paired with his open body language, his constant back-and-forth movement in his chair, and his grins, smiles, chuckles, and praises, were all part of a routine that contrasted harshly with Orter's. Once the first part of the interview was done, Orter and his blank, blunt, and emotionless way of conducting himself was meant to throw the candidates off their game, if they even had one while talking with Kaldo. It was like the good-cop bad-cop routines Rayne had to go through a handful of times as a child, and he kicked himself for not realising that sooner.

Those two didn’t act their parts, though. Rayne was sure. They were both just eccentric people and the Flame Cane probably thought that the newest stoic-looking divine visionary in their ranks made a fun addition to how he managed these interviews for several years now.

The time for Rayne to catch up on the things he had missed due to his issues with being surrounded by others was up. Now he was back at staring at swirly eyes that bore into his soul to find his most hidden secrets. But being as calm and in control of himself as he was at this moment actually helped him fight against Orter; he was better equipped now to not give too much of himself away to the man.

The smartly dressed Desert Cane had paused his comments (“Actions like that… are unsuitable for the position of divine visionary.”) to see if Rayne would – violently and/or aggressively as had been likely until that point – defend himself. But Rayne wouldn’t, much to the baffled head tilt of Kaldo and an adjustment of his glasses by Orter.

Rayne was calmly waiting for the Desert Cane’s observations to continue, sure that he could handle whatever the visionary said.

“But seeing as your behaviour has improved before you attended school, and how it improved at the end of middle school, and is improving again now, with the headmaster’s trust in you that you’re qualified to be a visionary which he told us this morning, I’m willing to give you a chance to participate in next year’s selection exam.”

“Thank you for your consideration.”

“Under two conditions.”

Did Rayne interrupt a divine visionary with a thank you at the exact moment when the man took a new breath to continue talking and making demands? Why, yes, he did. Good to know that even in his most relaxed state, Rayne could still be a bit of a bitch if he wanted to. Orter, as expected by now, didn’t react to the small interruption. Kaldo, on the other hand, found it funny and chuckled into his fist for two seconds. Rayne didn’t miss the Flame Cane, even with his closed eyes, looking between Orter and Rayne like he was watching a funny attraction.

“If you start your second year in high school in a few months and go back into this violent pattern of behaviour, you will be barred from all future exams, regardless of which school or branch you try it from.”

There it was again, the threat to Finn’s peaceful and safe future. This time, though, it was tied to Rayne’s future actions and not the ones years in the past. He had control over that, just like he had control over his mind and body to answer Orter in the most respectful and humble way possible. The man was calmly sitting in his chair, one leg pulled over the other to hold his notebook up, while his pen idly sat in his hand. Orter listened intently to what Rayne had to say.

“I won’t fall into those patterns again, even if it took a while to get where I am now. I won’t let myself slide away from my goal.” Rayne meant what he said. He meant everything he said, always. He wasn’t a child anymore who let himself get pushed around by his internal struggles. (He had long since stopped getting pushed around by his external struggles like abusive cops or shithead students and teachers.) “What’s your second condition on my participation in the selection exam next year?”

Orter Mádl continued talking in the exact same way as he did during the entirety of this interview. Calmly detached; dispassionately composed. Just as before, he didn’t put an emotional spin on his condition, such as a demanding tone, a curious raise of an eyebrow, or the expectation of failure or resistance. He just said it as it was; orally written down by an enchanted feather doing a singular task.

“You will explain to us in detail how your police record, your misbehaviours in middle school and your so-called transgressions in high school came to be. If your explanation is not satisfying, or it reveals patterns of a mental illness, I will request an evaluation of you from your teachers and from a professional, from which point onward you can expect with high probability a lifetime exclusion from the processes of becoming a divine visionary.”

“…”

At least Orter was honest and realistic in that the involvement of Rayne’s teachers and what passed off as “professionals on mental affairs” in this thing would basically end his chances of getting permission to collect coins again. Still, that condition was a slap in the face, mostly because in all his life, no one except Wahlberg Baigan had ever shown him sympathy and goodwill for all the shit he went through and all the shit he did. An instinctual and defensive reaction took hold of Rayne in that moment; one he had to work through and resolve as fast as possible to continue the interview successfully; one that showed itself on his face and body.

After wrestling down his snarl and ordering his shoulders to relax again, Rayne was confused how he managed that so fast. He realised that it was Orter’s feather mentality again that helped him keep his emotions under control. No, it was more how Rayne managed his emotions successfully on his own without having to deal with Orter imposing his on Rayne’s psyche.

All was well again. Rayne was calm and ready to explain those three stages of his life to the visionaries – one of whom seemed understanding and amused about things like that, while the other was… there and calmly absorbing everything. No rush, no judgement, no emotional judgement. A verdict would be thrown at Rayne, sooner or later, though.

“As you had mentioned earlier, my life circumstances are also part of this discussion. To make it short: my parents died when my brother and I were extremely young. Extended family took us in but none of them wanted to keep us around. After two years of them moving us from house to house, an aunt decided it was enough, so she dropped us off at a random shelter. One that wasn’t meant to take children in.

“Theft, entering and squatting in abandoned places,” Rayne did not have a single fibre of shame in his body when he said the next part straight at Orter’s handsome face, “fighting a few cops here and there; I hope you two can understand that my childhood delinquencies are the direct result of not getting the help we needed to live properly.”

That was that. The first part of his explanation done in one full and one bisected paragraph. But how were Kaldo and Orter reacting to it? The Flame Cane put his hand under his chin to think again; he even hummed while he did that. Orter started writing in his notebook once more and didn’t react in any other way.

“Did you ever do something you weren’t caught in?” Kaldo asked suddenly, his tone playfully serious. Rayne had already realised that lying was a no-go against two divine visionaries, so he answered with a direct: “Yes.”

Kaldo’s grin became one-sided again. “Anything major?”

Yes. Killing in self-defence.

“Nothing that’s relevant due to my age at the time.”

A raised eyebrow joined Kaldo’s grin before he turned towards Orter to silently ask for specifics. The Desert Cane understood the question without problem and proceeded to answer it. (How Rayne envied that silent yet direct communication.)

“Outside of the statute of limitations, crimes under the age of 7 and most crimes under the age of 14 are treated differently compared to those of adolescents and adults.” One elegant push of his glasses later, Orter addressed Rayne again. “Did you kill anyone with malicious intent between the ages of 7 and 14?”

“No.”

“Then we don’t need to discuss this further.”

Whatever kind of system these two had in place to sniff out lies, they believed it to be working and Rayne was not in a hurry to test his luck against that. Killing in self-defence and killing with malicious intent were completely separate things that all three of them inside this room agreed on. Fortunately, Rayne had never been forced to or desired to do anything worse than defend his brother and himself.

But one time, out of sheer desperation, he had been so close to doing something that would’ve fucked him over today on this chair he was sitting on. He could not have said that he never did anything “major”, and after telling them that what he did wasn’t murder, they would’ve gone to a second question he would’ve needed to answer truthfully.

Not too long ago, someone had offered Rayne good money and a place to stay for several nights…

…in exchange for sex.

Rayne had managed to get in contact with Wahlberg before he did anything highly illegal like that after already turning 14. Being a prostitute was already bad enough, but being a male one would’ve guaranteed that he would’ve never set foot into this school except if Wahlberg had pulled illegal strings in the background. Rayne knew by now that Orter Mádl would’ve brought the book down on the headmaster as well if that had happened.

But with a good helping of the hated universe, that scenario wasn’t the one that played out that time and today.

“Tell me why you constantly got into fights with both the students and the teachers in your only year in middle school.”

During any other time, with this and the previous question, Rayne would’ve gotten lost in his own memories long enough for it to show on his face. There was no doubt that Kaldo and Orter would’ve seized on that to ask even more questions about his childhood. But as it happened so often already during this interview, Rayne was able to stay as calm as a dead mouse thanks to Orter’s presence.

Which was ironic as Orter was the one conducting this stressful part of the interview.

“I had trouble adjusting to school life. The kind of fights I got into were the ones I had no problem avoiding in the streets by just walking away. I didn’t have to share so much time and space with up to 30 people my age in a single room, and I certainly didn’t have adults in my life who constantly demanded things of me. It took a while, also because I wasn’t allowed to take the coursework to my room and study by myself, but I learned to deal with it.”

Retelling his story like that made it seem easier than it was. In reality, Rayne had been close to crying in his second week of classes. The teachers never stopped talking and the students constantly made noises, too; they whispered, chuckled, clacked their teeth, tapped their feathers against the desk, spilt their ink, sighed, burped, farted and talked too loudly when they were actually supposed to.

Then came their facial expressions: bored, anxious, happy, angry, satisfied; all at the same time from all directions, constantly, never ending. Not to forget the proximity, feeling the body heat of everyone around him, the casual touches, the accidental brushes, the intentional slaps, hits and shoulder bumps…

…being touched in that chaos was always the last straw on Rayne’s frayed mind, if he even managed to hold out that far.

The first months of his first year in school were a time Rayne didn’t like remembering because those fucked up negative impressions had burned themselves into his chest and threatened to spill out when not controlled.

And still he remembered.

But before those old feelings could overwhelm him, Rayne looked at Orter to see his facial expressions and how much noise he made while evaluating his answer. There was none. No facial expression except bland determination to write something down, and no noises except the gentle scraping of those elusive ball pens against paper. There was also not a lick of danger of being touched anytime soon by him. If at all, Rayne would’ve to deal with a normal handshake at the end of this interview and nothing more.

What was this magic? Just thinking back to those hellish weeks had Rayne’s blood pressure rise so high that he could feel it in his eyes. But looking at the emotionless void that was Orter Mádl, he managed to regulate his… his feelings better than ever before, and that for the fourth or fifth time today. Before Rayne got permanently stuck in the vortex of Orter elegantly sitting on a chair and writing things down, however, Kaldo, whom Rayne nearly forgot was also there, which was extremely unlike him, stated his observations on everything Rayne had said.

“So in a sense, your delinquencies and your middle school misbehaviours are not directly linked. They’re just, you know, different expressions of being an orphan. Things you had to deal with in different periods of your life. Hmm. Your thoughts, Orter?”

“Nothing I disagree with for now.”

As far as fulfilling the condition on his participation in the exams went, this was great to hear. Orter had explicitly said that a continuation of his violent behaviour was a deal breaker. Now he concurred that there was no continuation like that. Just two different struggles caused by the same root problem of being orphaned, an event Rayne wasn’t and couldn’t be responsible for. As long as they didn’t go deeper into analysing his behaviours, the question of having a mental illness wouldn’t come up again either.

…not that Rayne could’ve confidently denied having one…

“If you learned to deal with your issues in middle school,” but of course, there was still the one thing that could trip Rayne’s chances of becoming a divine visionary up like nothing else, “why did you get worse than that in high school?”

Orter’s question was a statement of fact, nothing more, which was why Rayne was able to gradually work himself towards its painful answer instead of bristling and raging immediately. Kaldo hadn’t looked at Rayne’s middle school exploits and couldn’t compare them to his transgressions, his rap sheet. But Orter, shoulders resting against the backrest of his chair, back straight and gaze patient, knew what he was talking about. Rayne realised in that moment that his sudden mental breakdown at the beginning of high school was the crux of why he was even on the hit list for divine visionary exclusion.

“I…” Rayne was hesitant to explain himself, though, partly because it was just hard to talk about. He also needed to find the right words to put himself in the best light possible. He was here to gain access to the future he wanted, and being overly honest and raw wouldn’t help him with that. What also made it difficult for Rayne to explain his high school fallout was how he never told anyone the ultimate cause of it. Not Max, not Wahlberg and especially not Finn.

But now here he stood in front of the most powerful strangers he had ever met, people who would become his colleagues in the future if he managed to convincingly tell them his deepest secret he wouldn’t even want to tell himself…

“I…” he began again, thankful that over the years he had learned to exorcise most emotions out of his face. Long before he ever met a living, enchanted feather like Orter Mádl, it had been his physical stoicism that had helped him the most by becoming his emotional stoicism, too. So after steeling his nerves and making his face as blank as possible, Rayne told the others a little about his loneliness for the first time in his life.

“A new thing I had to adjust to suddenly arrived… being separated from my brother by something as banal as different dormitories because he’s still in middle school.” With how utterly violent that adjustment period had turned out, Rayne knew that his statement sounded like an admission to having a mental illness. He was not here for that today. “Paired with the constant… attempted bullying that came my way from the older students in high school, who I had never met and who had never met me, tensions escalated. For a while.”

If one wanted to untangle more from Rayne’s rap sheet, his misbehaviours and his delinquencies, a proper mental health evaluation would inevitably come out of it. Unfortunately for everyone involved, that would be done by someone who took nothing more than a singular course on human relations at Magic University and who now worked in shoe-making or similar fields. For mysterious reasons, anything to do with human psychology and so on disappeared from magic society four decades ago.

Which had the shitty consequence that society as a whole got sicker in the mind and that recorded mental health issues followed you as a stigma as bad as being caught in prostitution.

Rayne could not only forget about becoming a divine visionary if any such evaluation happened to give him a diagnosis of some sort, he could also forget many other future jobs as well.

The question was, would the Flame and the Desert Cane care enough about Rayne’s story to untangle it further? Rayne couldn’t tell in that moment. As much as Kaldo was emoting while sitting in front of him, Rayne couldn’t think of how he would react. Orter was, as always, not giving off a single emotion at all while back to writing in his notebook. With him, too, Rayne had no idea what would come…

Chapter Text

Rayne had once thought that getting a permanent roof over his head and something regular to do to guarantee him and Finn a good standard of living – like attending school – would help him sift through all the shit that had been his life in childhood. And for a short period of time, he got the chance to do that. After Wahlberg accepted them into Easton but before they actually attended, Rayne and Finn were given a tiny apartment to stay in until Finn was able to start his first year of middle school.

Rayne did not use that time to deal with his past. He did not stop hoarding food, stealing money, and collecting wands, just in case. He did not sit down with Finn and talk with him about the forgotten details of why their family didn’t want them or why society was treating them badly. He did not get on the same page with Finn about everything he was forced to do to guarantee their survival…

Rayne had received the prefect retreat from his orphan life right before school life would ruin it again – and he didn’t manage to make the best of it because Rayne, and only Rayne, was still surviving.

Finn was able to recover. He practically started blooming in their tiny apartment at the edge of the capital (as much blooming as was possible for him). He was happier and healthier than ever before. He gained weight and developed a regular cheer that Rayne had only ever seen on rare and special occasions in their lives up to that point.

Finn started smiling like a boy who hadn’t been an orphan nearly all his life. Out on the street among other teenagers, you couldn’t pick him out as a parentless freak anymore.

Rayne was so proud to watch him change like that. He felt like he had finally accomplished the one thing he had set out to do after their lives turned upside down. But he couldn’t relax; he couldn’t recover like his brother. He had to be ready in case all of that fell apart the moment Wahlberg no longer wanted them, or something else went wrong in Easton.

Something like sitting in front of Kaldo Gehenna and Orter Mádl while they individually contemplated destroying his future or not.

If Rayne had the chance to talk with his younger pre-third-year-middle school self, he would tell him to please rest. He would tell him that naked survival was over but social survival was next and that he needed so much of his energy and mental fortitude for that. If Rayne had managed to tackle the deepest scars in his soul during this time when he was neither surrounded nor alone, he could’ve sorted out so many of his issues.

But instead, all those issues born from abandonment, fear, hunger, abuse, bitterness and the cold, blended into one enormous black sphere of terror that descended on him every time when his classes became too loud or when someone in the hallways wouldn’t leave him alone. It wasn’t just on a whim that Rayne developed the face of a bitch for his worst moments and the face of pure stoicism for the slightly better moments of his life.

He needed those faces to tell others that they shouldn’t mess with him if they wanted to stay intact, and he needed them to keep himself upright while facing that monstrosity of terror looming over him. Rayne needed a mechanism to distance himself from others and from his own emotions. With the latter, he managed to keep the terrors at bay, but that had the consequence of never untangling his issues – his traumas – from that black mass.

Somehow, during this interview, which was stressful, bizarre, and unexpectedly wondrous all at once, one of those traumas separated itself. Somehow, his mind unconsciously opened the floodgates to an ordeal he had to suffer for years. In the end, right when he was awaiting the verdict about his future the divine visionaries in front of him would reach, Rayne saw what his mind had subconsciously worked on during his back-and-forth with Orter.

His trauma of being gay.

It was illegal for a man to be in a relationship with another man. The third time being caught in “the act”, whatever the police and the judges decided would count as an act, carried an automatic death sentence with it. The night when Rayne realised that he would rather have all those couple and married life stuff with a man than with a woman, he curled up under the ratty blankets he and Finn were sharing to keep his crying as silent as possible.

It just wasn’t fair that the universe gave him one more thing to despair about. He was 12 at the time and already bitter that he had stopped thinking of himself as a child years ago. The only child in his life was Finn and Rayne was his older brother forever, never allowed to be small, too. Back then, through his own self-realisation, he felt he was pushed one more step into bitter and cold adulthood, this time with the end of his vague dream of having a normal family life with wife and children of his own.

For two years, he forced himself to forget about being a homosexual defiling the order of god. Couldn’t get hanged with magic rope like that. He still caught himself wondering, though… was that muscly teenager over there good-looking? What were the girls from that corner so up in heels about that boring guy from the shop? Would Finn accept that magician who just won a duel as a second older brother?

Rayne’s treacherous fantasies came to a screeching halt when he was 14 and a middle-aged man with too-nice a smile offered him something that would ruin his life if he ever took a wrong step from then on out. Rayne had seen many and even became friends with some prostitutes. He knew all the shit they had to deal with and how society mistreated them and kept them in a loop of poverty and incarceration with all its oppressive power.

He wouldn’t even live long enough to experience those loops except he managed to exclusively sell himself to the rare women who bought sex, but seeing as the person who tried to pull him into that life was a man already, he knew that he was fucked (literally, metaphorically) if he accepted that offer.

Rayne was tempted.

For one, because the man assured him that nothing bad would happen to him. Even if he were to get arrested, they “had friends really high up” who could help him out in a heartbeat… if Rayne had sex with them, too, as clarified for him from behind a giant, creepy smile. For two, Rayne and Finn would get housing, all expenses and food included, and as long as Rayne did his job, that housing would stay.

Of course it was a trap. The potential for ten kinds of blackmail wasn’t even subtle in Rayne’s opinion, but he could see other, more desperate and less experienced unhoused teens falling into that pit to not come out again. That man only needed to make the first months of that arrangement work and he would get a slave for as long as the slave was useful to him.

Rayne was tempted but only in the realm of fantasy. There, he gave up his autonomy and body so someone else could finally take care of him. Being quasi-forced into sex with men would also be the only time in his life where he could be gay as guiltless as possible. But that was it – his fantasies never went beyond those strange ideas of losing control to gain comfort because the nightmares of it all started soon after.

What if that man forced him into prostitution by threatening Finn? What if the only relationship he would ever have with another man was through prostitution? What if even a singular contact with those “friends” would follow Rayne into his future forever? What if he were hanged if he angered the wrong “friend” at the wrong time? What would happen to Finn? Would they force the same on him?

The encounter with that man scared Rayne so much that he spent all of what was left of his money on a letter and an owl to beg Wahlberg Baigan on the other side of the country to please accept Finn into his school. Finn, not himself. Even in that situation, protecting Finn was still his priority. He could find work… some kind of work to pay for it as well, he assured the headmaster. Rayne’s future was always tied to Finn’s safety, so he always looked at it from the angle where he was only the caregiver. As a last option, he would get himself as dirty as needed…

Even after turning 16 and sitting in front of divine visionaries, that was the first thing that came to his mind: how to guarantee Finn’s safety, despite all the mistakes in his life he had made and nearly made? How to go from there when it all fell apart?

But why the fuck was it his gayness that got loose from his sphere of traumas when he had so many others swirling around in there?

Rayne knew. Three things had caused the floodgates of that trauma to open. His shock that it had happened at all was immense, though. First, he was reminded, even if it was just for a moment, that someone wanted to recruit him into male prostitution. Even though that and his sexuality didn’t have anything to do with each other, they were still linked in Rayne’s fucked up mind.

The second thing that made Rayne think too much about being gay was how Orter’s emotionless disposition actually gave him the mental space to think about it. Normally, he would be overwhelmed by his own and the feelings of those around him until he either shut all of them in a box he threw into his trauma sphere or by exploding into violence. But that wasn’t the case during the second part of this interview, was it? Even his subconsciousness had room to breathe.

The third reason why Rayne was thinking about being gay was…

…because Orter Mádl was straight up his type.

The Desert Cane was handsome, mature, had his life in order, had his emotions under control, couldn’t be pushed around, and wasn’t malicious. All things Rayne found attractive during the few times he allowed himself to feel gay. Right now, though, wasn’t the time to feel gay. Kaldo relaxed into his chair for the last time, while Orter finished his writing and closed his notebook. Now was the time to find out how screwed Rayne would be.

“I see my second condition fulfilled. It’s up to you in the next school year to fulfil the first.” Orter said without any fanfare, a statement that had Rayne breathe normally again after he had unconsciously cramped up around his chest. “Any objections?” Orter asked towards Kaldo. The Flame Cane just shrugged his shoulders with the easiest smile he had since Rayne entered the room.

“I was okay with him participating next year right from the start. So, no. No objections from my end.” Kaldo stood up after proclaiming his verdict to signal that the interview with the failed candidate was now over. Rayne stood up from his chair at the same time as Orter, though he was sure that the (tall) divine visionary wasn’t dealing with legs that felt like jelly. Even with the surprise… emotional clutch Orter Mádl’s emotionlessness turned out to be, this interview was still one of the most intense and dangerous things Rayne had to go through in the last years.

Even the dreaded handshake with Kaldo and Orter happened. But thankfully, after each other and not at the same time.

“I’m thankful for the chance that I’ve been given to prove myself. I won’t disappoint you.” And most of all, Rayne wouldn’t disappoint Finn.

“If you keep being this interestingly dangerous like in the last 30 minutes or so, then you won’t disappoint anyone. Am I right, Orter?”

“The disappointment in question is about his future behaviour, which has nothing to do with how you just described him.”

“It has everything to do with it!”

It was strange how Rayne got such a good picture of the personalities of these two visionaries in the last half an hour that their stupid disagreement with each other seemed perfectly in-character. It was the polite thing to stay silent while older and extremely accomplished people in your field talked/argued with each other while ignoring you, or so Max had said. So Rayne was doing just that, keeping his mouth shut… but only for two minutes, he told himself. He had neither the patience nor the respect for more, and that argument was already boring him to death.

But while he stood there looking back and forth between the Flame and the Desert Cane, he allowed himself one last moment to be gay today. Orter’s side profile made him look even more handsome, and the way he pushed his glasses up with one finger was an image Rayne wouldn’t forget for some time (when he wasn’t suppressing his homosexuality for weeks on end).

Before the two minutes were up, Orter ended the argument by saying that it was pointless, to which Kaldo just shrugged. Then he turned his mesmerising eyes towards Rayne to address him one last time. “We’ll see each other again,” he promised in his typical, professional tone before turning to the side and letting his coat, which had been over his shoulders this entire time, hide most of his perfectly shaped body.

‘Enough gay for one day,’ Rayne berated himself while taking the cue for what it was, bowing slightly, and leaving the room to a cheerful bye from Kaldo. The gay thoughts wouldn’t leave him that fast, however, mostly because his future wasn’t ruined (for now), which lifted a huge burden from his shoulders and freed up space for his queer side. Rayne wasn’t someone who was attuned to his own feelings, especially not his sexuality, though, so he coldly pushed himself back into the closet to get some peace of mind.

Which Orter’s emotionless demeanour contributed immensely to…

‘…fuck!’ Turned out that Rayne had to first acknowledge that he had developed a crush on the Desert Cane in about 20 minutes of talking and arguing with him. Then it was time for the closet. Like always…

Rayne never entertained the idea of finding love for himself in this world. That wasn’t something he could aspire to get, not when he would be targeted by society, just like Finn and any potential lover. Even with the off-chance that Orter Mádl was also a closeted gay man, it was unlikely that he would leave his closet. Not for himself, and not for some 16-year-old borderline fuck up.

If Rayne became a divine visionary, though…

“Rayne! How did it go?! Your interview took longer than that of the others!” Max’s questions were the needed distraction so Rayne could get his head back in order. They were in one of the hallways, still in the teacher part of school but instead of staying and talking there, Rayne grabbed Max’s coat and dragged him away towards one of the gardens. He was still able to feel the magical energy of the divine visionaries but at that point, he would rather not.

“So, how did it go?”

Once they were at the edge of the garden, just under the balustrade of a walkway, Rayne was able to tell his friend what went on inside that cramped room with its thousand books and tiny table. Of course Rayne made sure that no one was around while he did so, and he didn’t, not with a single word, tell Max about any of his feelings or general headspace while he talked with the Flame and Desert Cane. It was just barebones facts about how Kaldo asked him about his high school transgressions and Orter pulling his childhood and middle school problems out of nowhere.

“I’m sorry you were forced to steal and… I’m glad that part won’t bother you anymore. Like, Orter Mádl closed that chapter of your life, right? Now, no one can dig it up and use it against you?”

Rayne decided that Max deserved more honesty from him, so he told him about his run-in with the law, the police and his stay in a detention facility or two. He was glad that he did; it felt freeing… but before he could even entertain the idea of telling Max about his sexuality as well, he squashed that thought down immediately.

What Max said was also freeing, though. Orter had effectively disarmed any potential danger and problem his childhood delinquencies could’ve caused for him if they ever came out. Now, one of the highest authorities in the magic realm, the one that came from the police force itself, deemed the matter closed. The interview today had unexpectedly freed him from that baggage.

“You’re right. I didn’t think of that.”

By now, the two sat down to laze around while they talked. It was close to the evening, which meant that barely anyone would lose their way over to them in this particular garden. They had time to be in each other’s presence without Rayne feeling surrounded.

“And of course I’ll help you not get into fights next year!” was Max’s next helpful statement, and while Rayne had trouble imagining Max physically stepping up to stop any of his fights, he knew that Max’s sentiment and presence alone would help him greatly if he was tempted to set someone on fire again.

“Thank you.”

“Always.”

For the next few minutes, the two just sat side by side doing nothing but gazing around the garden and thinking about the future. Rayne was closer to his goal than ever before, especially with concrete steps to take laid out before him. In a little more than a year, Rayne could become a divine visionary... while still having to attend fucking school the year after that. He had the urge to bang his head against the wall they were leaning against, but he didn’t feel that violent in that moment and only pressed his back against it to relieve some tension.

“You know, Rayne, I wouldn’t have thought that you would come out of a meeting with two divine visionaries this… calm.” Max turned away from the garden to look at Rayne when he asked him that question, showing how calm he thought Rayne to be; otherwise, he wouldn’t have crowded him with his face and its accompanying expressions.

“What do you mean?” On any normal day, Rayne would say that he was always calm. But what he understood as calmness wasn’t the same as what most people understood it as. For Rayne, it was keeping his outer cool and preserving his stoic nature; in other words, being in control of himself even when he acted violently. For him, calmness meant that he had the same demeanour when he was fighting and when he was sitting down in a garden. What Max meant by calmness was something else.

“This serenity inside of you, you know? Normally, you would go to our room as fast as possible to calm down while hugging Scotch and shutting the rest of the world out. But you’re already calm.”

Ah. For a moment, Rayne had forgotten that Max had long since seen through the constructed nature of his demeanour. His inner world was always in turmoil when he had to deal with other people; sometimes more so, sometimes less. Rayne knew how that serenity happened to him today, but was he willing to explain it to Max?

“Just thinking how not one, but two visionaries are in the school right now makes me so nervous! Talking with them would’ve had my heart beat out of my chest! Half of the candidates coming out of that hallway looked like they wanted to cry…”

“Tt. Weaklings.”

With a fond smile, Max shook his head and leaned back, removing his face from Rayne’s field of vision and giving Rayne room that he didn’t need in that moment, just out of courtesy for how Rayne normally liked to be talked to. Max couldn’t be a better friend to him, Rayne knew, so he decided once again to get out of his comfort zone and open up to him a little more.

“The Flame and Desert Cane aren’t incompetent, hormonal teenagers and teachers out to prove their status against anything that moves to cover their failings and insecurities. They’re less aggravating.”

“…really?” For some reason, Max sounded doubtful and confused. “I mean, they still had you in a tough spot, right? That did sound like it was extremely aggravating, even if it wasn’t through their personalities.”

So that’s what I get for having a friend? Someone who sees through my shallow explanation the moment I say it out loud? Rayne thought in exasperation but mostly in fond amusement. How would he have turned out if he had known Max since his childhood? Better not to think about that…

“What we were talking about was stressful…” How to explain himself without getting into all his issues? It wasn’t like Max hadn’t figured some of them out but there were also Rayne’s gay thoughts about Orter he hadn’t yet managed to banish. But that was an issue Max wouldn’t know anything about… in other words, Rayne could go into some detail without it getting suspicious.

“…it was the Desert Cane. I found him easy to talk to; it was like… not getting overwhelmed with anything. He indirectly helped me sort my thoughts out and give good answers to the questions he had. At the beginning, when he took over the interview, I was this close to leaving the room because I was seconds away from flipping that tiny table over. But he helped me stay focused and keep my feelings in check just because he was like that as well but without any emotions.”

“Oh, wow! That’s nice to hear!”

Rayne resigned himself to the fact that it would take him much longer than usual to get his gayness under control. He had crushes before but they were never this bothersome. Maybe it was more difficult now because he was older? Who knew. Not him. For a while more, Rayne decided to just enjoy the moment he had with Max in this garden instead of thinking too much about it.

And it was enjoyable. The calmest and relaxing time he had since high school started and why shouldn’t it be? He dealt with being away from Finn, even if it wasn’t in the most ideal way; he found a friend, he secured his participation in next year’s selection exam, and he found a potential future colleague who, just by virtue of his personality, was the perfect match to keep his emotional problems under control.

Rayne could already imagine a draining day at school or work, after which he would go to Orter Mádl and just sit somewhere in his vicinity, no need to talk, to decompress from all the feelings that had been thrown at him by every person he met that day.

Yes, Rayne was not making it easier for his homosexual tendencies to pipe down anytime soon.

But there was one more person who made it extra difficult.

The Desert Cane himself when Rayne felt him approach the garden they were sitting in.

Chapter Text

Rayne felt him long before Max did.

He had not expected to be confronted by that man so soon again, but maybe Orter was only passing by a hallway further back from where they were sitting in the garden? Kaldo Gehenna wasn’t with him; it was just Orter’s lonesome self. However, the thought of him rounding the corner towards them did make Rayne’s heartbeat increase.

For what reason, though? Residual anxious energy from the interview? Fear about his future suddenly being in jeopardy again? His gay thoughts still not being banished? All of those things?

Whatever it was, Rayne had to decide how to act, just in case. Should he pull his own energy together so Orter wouldn’t perceive him? No, the visionary either felt Rayne at the same time as Rayne did him or even earlier. Trying to make himself invisible now would be nothing but cowardice. Then, should he stand up to greet Orter if he did come by?

Maybe?

In the end, Rayne did nothing more than stop slouching against the wall and pull up one of his legs to seem a bit more presentable than before while still sitting on grass. If Orter did come by, it wouldn’t be for an official meeting, meaning the man would just have to deal with teenagers lazing around after school hours. Max raised a confused eyebrow at Rayne for sitting up straighter all of a sudden before he, too, felt the Desert Cane not too far from them.

He stopped slouching as well while excitedly and anxiously looking back and forth between Rayne and the direction where Orter was at that moment. Soon, the man reached a corner in this wing of Easton where he would either walk towards them or further away and Rayne and Max sat motionless on their asses to find out which…

Towards them. Orter Mádl was going to take the walkway above Rayne and Max, meaning the divine visionary would be able to look down on them from over the balustrade. What now? They were in an awkward position (as in their literal position in the garden) where it was difficult to be respectful towards someone with as high (literal and metaphorical) a status as Orter. The students couldn’t quite ignore the visionary because they knew that Orter knew that they were there, and more importantly, that Rayne was there. And Rayne was the one who had the obligation to show respect to the man.

But showing respect from down in the garden wasn’t an easy thing to do because they would need to shout a greeting upwards towards a man who might be walking closer to the walls of the school than the balustrade. A scenario that would end up being more embarrassing than it was worth and Rayne still had his enormous pride under his countless issues.

Max was nervously standing up for the potentially embarrassing option but Rayne hit his arm and pulled him back down. He decided that they would wait and see if Orter walked more closely to the wall or the balustrade and go from there. Rayne knew intimately that that man wasn’t dumb; he was perfectly aware of social conventions and would intentionally walk one way or another depending on his desire to be greeted or ignored.

When they were able to hear Orter’s footsteps, Rayne and Max waited patiently and anxiously for him to get closer or further away from them while walking above them. It was closer in the end, which meant Rayne had no excuse anymore to ignore the man. Would this be a simple greeting and leaving now? Or did the Desert Cane have actual business with him that he needed to discuss? Before either Rayne or Max managed to get their feet under them to stand up, that question answered itself with one strong voice:

“Rayne Ames.”

Orter didn’t shout but in the empty garden and with the school walls behind him, his voice reached further than expected. Rayne was up and turned around immediately, even before Orter reached the balustrade, then he waited for the divine visionary to stop walking so he could greet him properly. The man came from the right where Max stood under the walkway, his back straight and his face as passive as the last time Rayne saw him. He didn’t stop above Max’s right but he didn’t stop above both of them either. Instead, Orter walked further along to be on Rayne’s left so he could talk with him directly and from a better angle.

Rayne and Max didn’t have to push their heads against their necks like that. They just needed to look to the left and slightly upwards.

“Sir,” Rayne finally said, not unaware that Orter was literally standing a level above him. Max tried to go for a greeting, too, but he was so nervous that he couldn’t do more than stutter something unintelligible. Whatever Orter was there to talk about, he deemed the three words exchanged between Rayne and himself enough to get to it immediately.

With his elegant fingers, the Desert Cane pulled out a folded piece of paper from his coat and threw it at Rayne with a flick of his wrist. The paper was loaded with magical energy to make it fly straight, which Rayne caught easily with one hand. Already, he had his finger between the pages to unfold it to see…

…numbered paragraphs with lots of text. Before he could read further than CLIIX–34, Orter started to explain what it was.

“Under Easton’s school regulations, you can be excused from attending your classes for any given semester, as long as you have the headmaster’s and the teacher’s permissions and do your coursework in advance.”

Rayne’s eyes widened at what Orter said because frankly, that couldn’t be true. Since middle school, he had tried to find permanent ways to get out of his classes but regardless of who he asked, even Wahlberg, no one could help him… except for the one person he didn’t ask, the divine visionary who graduated from the police academy, who came with extensive training on the laws of the land.

“I thought only visionaries had the right to skip classes if they interfered with their work in the Bureau of Magic?” Max asked without any stutter. When it was only about himself, he was a nervous wreck in front of someone like Orter, but when it was about his friends, he stepped up immediately.

“Wrong.”

But that was how Max pulled the intense and frightening eyes of a visionary directly towards himself, which had him shaking and whimpering on the spot. Rayne appreciated that Max still stood beside him, despite that penetrative stare.

“The provision in your hand was added to the school regulations by Adam Jobs himself 108 years ago, which partly explains why none of the teachers I asked knew about it. Partly only, because every teacher and especially the headmaster should know every paragraph and subsection of the school regulations by heart.”

Rayne slowly absorbed what Orter told him. Could this be his way out of the overcrowded, loud, messy and anxiety-inducing classrooms he hated so much? It was too late for the worst moments of his school life, but he still had two years and some months of lessons ahead of him (divine visionary privileges not included), and even if it were just a few classes, he would feel immensely better if he were able to skip them.

But when Rayne let his eyes go over the paragraphs on the paper in his hand, he caught something that was the catch in this wonderful news. Of course the universe couldn’t just give him something good without taking something else away.

“…these accommodations shall be provided to students with physical and mental disa–“

At least it was in Rayne’s own hands to ruin his life with a mental health diagnosis. What was better? Getting out of some classes now, while he was between 16 and 18 years old? Or having his work and social life restricted from the ages 18 to… 49, probably. For various reasons, Rayne didn’t see himself growing too old.

He was in the process of taking this news and packing them up in a tight box to deal with later when he was back in his room with Scotch. He needed his bunny to despair over this choice. But right when he took a deep breath to centre himself again, he saw at the corner of his eyes how Orter adjusted his glasses in that specific way of his. When he looked up at the visionary, he saw how full of purpose he was; a man of duty who always gave it his all on every task he took. And this one wasn’t different.

(…but the question was, why was Orter Mádl doing this for Rayne?)

“Pulling the end-of-semester exams forward and finishing a class prematurely to free up space on a student’s weekly schedule is an accommodation reserved for those with special needs.”

Yeah, Rayne read that just now, but in this day and age–

“This includes,”

–108 years removed from Adam Job’s time, those special needs–

“The needed time for preparations for trials of excellence.”

–became a heavy stig…

“…excuse me… what did you just say?”

Rayne forgot to breathe for a moment when he hastily looked from Orter back at the school regulations and look there, right after the part about mental disabilities, it said something about trials of life. That wasn’t the phrasing that Orter had used, but at this point, Rayne learned to trust that man’s way of constructing his arguments with nothing but facts and logic. And too many words, apparently.

“87 years ago, a student successfully argued that Job’s provision of ‘trials of life’ included any and all preparations needed to take academic tests outside of Easton, for example, for the entrance exams of universities when they still had them. 72 years ago, another student successfully argued that not only academic tests but also tests and similar exams of any kind with life-changing consequences needed to be considered in the ‘trials of life’.”

Rayne was hanging onto every word Orter said while his heart beat heavily against his chest. Regardless of how tedious it was to listen to such a detailed explanation that could’ve been nothing but half a sentence, it had taken hold of him from all over because he knew that Orter would come to the conclusion that Rayne would die for. Or at least lose an arm for.

And he wasn’t disappointed.

“That student specifically wanted the divine visionary selection and final exams to be one of the reasons why someone should be granted the accommodation to take the end-of-semester exams at an earlier point in the school year. The headmaster at the time and a majority of the teachers agreed with her.”

“…in other words,” Rayne’s heart was about to beat out of his chest because of the sheer relief that went through him in that moment, “if I have my five gold coins, I can finish at least some of my classes immediately.”

“Wooooooow!” Max, who had hidden himself behind Rayne while Orter talked with his unwavering no-nonsense voice, showed the enthusiasm that Rayne had locked away behind years of trauma and stoicism. “So next year, after, like, 2 months or so, or even earlier, you can take the semester exams and be done with them! And you can take the exams for the second semester even earlier!”

While Rayne was still processing that revelation, Orter adjusted his coat and turned away from them, ready to end their conversation and walk on, no goodbye needed. Rayne was a little late to shout a thank you up, but before he even had his mouth open (lies, it was already open because he was in shock), Orter turned his head back towards them.

“Why wait until your second year of high school?”

“Huh?” Rayne forced his mouth shut while he mentally sped through all the angles Orter might be alluding to. “I didn’t qualify for this year’s selection exam. I’ll only get the coins next year.”

“There are two main pillars to keep order in our world.” Orter was undeterred by what Rayne said, showing once again that the Desert Cane was several steps ahead of any argument he was part of. “The first are the unbendable laws that have to be followed without question; the second are the laws and regulations that leave room for suggestions.

“You did not qualify this year, but you still successfully took part in the divine visionary selection interview.” Orter turned his head away again and started to walk, but he was still talking with one of his piercing eyes locked onto Rayne, who was, again, hanging onto every word Orter said. “You can do it like your predecessors: suggest an amendment to Adam Job’s provision, and argue your case.”

With that, Orter Mádl ended their conversation held over a walkway balustrade and left the stunned first-year high schoolers alone in one of the lonesome gardens of Easton.

“Wow… was that how he talked about your past, too? No wonder half the candidates were nearly in tears by the end of it.”

Rayne wasn’t ready to answer Max yet; he was too occupied staring after Orter and processing the huge advice he had been given. Rayne’s participation in next year’s selection exam was all but guaranteed and everyone knew that. So why not make use of that now?

But there was one condition on it, though, wasn’t it? Orter’s condition of not getting into fights, arguments and blowouts. And yet it was Orter again who, by understanding that one personal problem Rayne had talked about in the interview just once, provided him a path forward that would more or less ensure that Rayne didn’t screw it up.

Why? Why was Orter going out of his way to help Rayne? Did he just want to be fair towards him? Ensure he failed because he was incorrigible, and not because factors outside of his control led to his failure? How did Orter even know of this provision when no one else did? Orter Mádl never attended Easton in middle or high school; he went to a regular school during his teenage years, but he did attend classes in Easton as part of his Police Academy schooling, so maybe he was aware of this provision from that?

But how the fuck did that even make sense when not even Wahlberg knew of this? Was the guy really so much into law and regulations that he memorised hundreds and thousands of dry paragraphs like this just because?

Whatever it was…

“Rayne, I’m so glad! I wish we knew this in middle school!”

…Rayne couldn’t describe how thankful he was. Not just because he got the opportunity to get the kind of accommodations he so desperately needed, but also because of the gesture itself. Rayne could count on two fingers the number of people who went out of their way to truly help him deal with the shit that was his life. Now he could say that there were three fingers.

“This wouldn’t have helped me in middle school and no, it won’t help me for the rest of this year either, but… I can go to Wahlberg tomorrow and find the teachers who’ll allow me to take the next semester's exams as fast as possible after I convince them that I don’t need to collect five gold coins again first.”

“Then you’ll have time all summer to work through the lessons on your own and take the exams before the first day of the new school year even starts! Perfect! I already know which teachers will help you with this!”

“…yeah…”

Rayne needed Scotch again. Despite Orter’s emotionless demeanour not aggravating the give-and-take emotional problems Rayne had, everything he did and said to him still led to heightened feelings getting loose inside of Rayne. Max's enthusiasm on the matter, even though Rayne had no problem with his presence anymore, was detrimental to Rayne getting a grip on himself, too.

With shaking fingers, he put the piece of paper into his coat and turned around in such a way that he didn’t have to see Max. He felt bad for doing this to his only friend, but he would feel worse if he didn’t remove Max from his field of vision right now.

Rayne started walking towards their dorm, allowing himself to miss Finn for a second. Max fell into step beside him, still gushing about the hidden provision in their school regulations and how to approach their teachers to get it approved for Rayne.

Rayne, meanwhile, tried to control his breathing after it was not only agitated by his own excitement and relief but also by his black mass of terror above deciding to descend on him once more, throwing anxiety, fear and even bitterness into an emotional blender to assault him with. Max’s talking soon petered out, though, and his steps fell behind Rayne instead of staying by his side. Max said a few last words, more whispered than said normally, but Rayne didn’t have the wand-width to process them anymore.

The walk to their room was done in silence after that; even the long-awaited cuddles with Scotch were done without a word said. Rayne was lying on his bed with his bunny (who had gotten extremely fat in the last months) pressed against his chest while Max silently read and looked through all of their schoolbooks until sunset.

When Rayne was sure that he had his emotions under control after pushing his terrors away, he started talking again.

“Thanks for… being quiet…”

“No problem,” Max answered him calmly but you could still hear the cheer in his voice. Rayne was glad that his issues and the way Max had to act around them weren’t causing Max any trouble or regret. “Tomorrow, do we go to our classes first? Or do we go straight to Wahlberg?”

Sometimes, Max could get outright cheeky with what he said. Yes, it would be a power move to skip classes for a talk with the headmaster to skip even more classes in the future. So…

“Yes. Fuck Cregos and potions.”

“And if we work this out, you’ll have to thank the Desert Cane the next time you see him!” Max couldn’t keep his excitement about that down, but Rayne agreed. About the part where he had to thank Orter, but also about the part that it was an exciting thing to do. His heart started beating harder as he imagined going to Orter…

…and then it skipped a beat or two when Rayne realised that even after getting himself under control, even after banishing his sphere of terror, he was still dealing with his feelings of being…

…a fucking gay and queer homosexual.

Rayne was still crushing hard on Orter.

He groaned when the realisation hit him a few more times, which became so bad that for the first time in his life, Rayne exhibited typical hormonal teenager behaviour by turning around in his bed and pressing his face against his pillow. Scotch squeezed herself out from between Rayne’s arms while Max raised a confused eyebrow at what he had never before seen with his eyes.

It was strange how in the span of two short meetings with that man, Rayne’s emotional inner life had gone through so much. His trauma of being gay – no – just being gay stayed loose from his sphere of terror and now he had to deal with it for who knew how long.

…it was a pointless crush, though. The only thing he was able to do with it was fantasise about things that would never happen. Not in this society and not with Orter Mádl himself.

At some point, being gay would turn back into being another trauma for Rayne and nothing more…

Chapter Text

The next day, Rayne and Max skipped their potions class and went to see Headmaster Wahlberg to get the accommodation the school owed Rayne. They were expected when they stepped into Wahlberg’s office, which shouldn’t have been surprising to Rayne because of course Orter would’ve chewed out the headmaster of one of the three major magic schools in their country for not knowing what was inside their school regulations. Case in point, Wahlberg had a big tome lying in front of him that he read through and took notes on. A tome that had its paragraphs sectioned like the one in Rayne’s hand.

With a slightly embarrassed laugh, Wahlberg cut to the chase and apologized for not knowing about the accommodation that would’ve helped Rayne a great deal in his first year of high school but seeing the size of that book, knowing how old that provision and its amendments were, and being grateful for everything else Wahlberg had ever done for him and Finn, Rayne wasn’t angry or even bitter about it.

He was more astounded at the fact that Orter Mádl seemingly pulled that paragraph out of nowhere after Rayne’s interview had been over. It hadn’t even been two hours after that that he met him again, and still the Desert Cane found the paragraph, talked with some teachers about it, and brazenly reprimanded one of the strongest magicians in the last century over it. Wahlberg was all laughs about that part as well, seemingly proud of how the newest divine visionary took their laws and the applications of them so seriously that he couldn’t accept anyone not following them.

To no one’s surprise, Wahlberg fully supported Rayne taking his exams earlier next year when he earned his coins again. He was certain that many of his teachers would also agree to participate. Wahlberg was confused about Rayne wanting his accommodations to start even earlier than that, though, because he had already earned five gold coins once, and everyone knew he would do so again, so there was no need to wait weeks or months into the new school year.

(Rayne realised something in that moment: Orter telling him to go for the accommodation at the start of the next school year and “argue his case”, was a spur-of-the-moment advice he had given Rayne in that garden. That wasn’t something he had suggested to Wahlberg or any other teacher while he talked with them. Rayne was curious what that meant but he settled on a slightly disappointed nothing, probably.)

Rayne had taken part in the selection exam interview with both divine visionaries accepting his future candidacy, he told Wahlberg. He would need to intentionally sabotage himself to avoid getting his coins again, which was out of the question, a fact Wahlberg was well aware of. The headmaster agreed to put the matter to a teacher conference he arranged for the late afternoon where Rayne could present his arguments and hopefully get what he wanted.

There was grumbling among the teachers, professors and assistant professors. Some did so more loudly than others, but mostly they were put off by the accommodation existing at all. Many felt insulted that a student could “buy” themselves out of their precious lessons, and if Rayne hadn’t known that Wahlberg was 100% on his side, just as Orter Mádl, he would’ve gotten angry and shown his teeth to the teachers who dared make this about them.

Unfortunately, Rayne lost his argument to get his accommodation earlier. He wasn’t able to make a new amendment to the existing provision Adam Jobs had created so long ago because the majority of the teaching staff considered the “potential” to earn coins too subjective to write into the school regulations. Rayne’s addition to make the students who had already earned the five gold coins in a previous year eligible for the accommodation was brutally shot down by his most hated teachers with the argument that Rayne specifically never had five gold coins in his possession at the same time and that his coins were taken away as part of his numerous punishments.

That kind of behaviour shouldn’t be rewarded, they said. Margarette Macaron, who had earned her coins but gave them away to her housemates (and who had refused to be part of the selection exam interview), was more deserving of utilising this provision at the beginning of the next year.

Rayne’s threshold for keeping his cool was about to shatter in that meeting, but he kept it together because he had Finn to think about. Wahlberg had already said that Rayne would receive his normal accommodation once he had his five gold coins, regardless of what the teachers decided during this meeting, and that helped him keep his violence under control, just like his thoughts about Max and Scotch.

Surprisingly, not wanting to break his promise about staying out of fights he had made to Orter – or more like, the condition the divine visionary had imposed on him – played a role, too. What was that feeling? Not wanting to disappoint Orter? But Rayne felt like he did just that when he failed to translate that man’s last advice into reality.

None of Rayne’s teachers were willing to give him the opportunity to take his exams that early. Some openly thought of doing it but the others shot them down, which showed the spinelessness of every single one of them. Fine, he would get his coins again next year; it wasn’t like it was difficult, it just took time because Rayne needed to attend his fucking classes, too. And then, of course, he still needed to obtain the teachers' permission to leave their classes after that, with some of them promising him immediately that they would never do that.

Wahlberg could force every single one of his teachers to provide the accommodation. Technically. In reality, too many of them had connections inside the Bureau of Magic to get Wahlberg off their backs. That type of corruption was something the Desert Cane should have tackled before wanting to remove Rayne from the candidate list, but maybe he was already trying to do that? It wasn’t as if Rayne could tell, and the policeman wasn’t even a divine visionary for a year yet to force through changes like that.

When Rayne came out of that meeting, it was in the mood Max had expected of him the day before when he came out of the divine visionary interview. Without a word, Rayne went straight to his room, Max walking two steps behind. Once inside, Rayne just barely didn’t set all his books on fire before he lay down in his bed with Scotch on his chest. Max, understanding that silently going through his schoolbooks again like yesterday wasn’t an option, pulled out his trash romance book he got from Rayne and read that for the next hour.

When Rayne was able to talk again, he told Max how he wanted to kill something. His way of using hyperbole but Rayne knew that it barely met the definition of one. Max correctly concluded that Rayne didn’t get his amendment or any teacher’s approval to do the exam as early as possible. Give it a few days, Max suggested, and speak with some of the teachers privately, he added. That way, the bad influences of the hated teachers wouldn’t cloud their judgment. They would also have time to better accept that this kind of accommodation existed in the first place.

Rayne’s desire to kill something got stronger with what Max was saying. He knew that it was a logical course of action because that was how humans acted often enough… but couldn’t the people around him have the courage to stand up for their own ideals? If they were willing to help him out, why not do so openly in the face of naysayers? Couldn’t Rayne get something good without having to grovel at people’s feet first?

Orter wouldn’t have been persuaded by others to change his mind. If he had been a professor in Easton and thought that Rayne deserved to take his exams on the first day of school, he would have said so without any backtracking or secret approval later on.

Rayne made the mistake of saying that out loud to Max and the raised eyebrow he received in return made his heart beat faster against Scotch’s fat belly. The guy really impressed you, hä? was the only comment Max made, thankfully. If your closet was maintained enough to look normal, then you didn’t need to be deep in it for people not to sniff your queer out. Rayne still needed to get his lock back in place, though. He could think of Orter Mádl like that again when he was a divine visionary himself.

But over the course of the next year, until he became one, Rayne managed anything but getting the lock on his closet to close again. Every time he thought he nearly had it, something happened that brought the Desert Cane back into his life in one way or another. Having a crush like that was hellish… but also incredible at the same time; however that worked.

One week after he lost his argument to get an amendment on that provision, Rayne had managed to get the approval of two of his teachers to take his exams before he got his five gold coins again. The week after that, a powerful group of Madjinn attacked their country. Immediately, the assault was deemed a matter of high national urgency, which demanded the partial mobilisation of Easton, Saint Ars, and Walkis. At the same time, the divine visionaries convened to make the first plans for a counterattack.

The strongest students of all three schools were ordered to be on standby and await instructions from the Bureau of Magic to assist the visionaries in the battle. Of course, Rayne was right there at the front of the Easton line with Margarette, even though neither of them were divine visionary candidates. That was a slap in the face to the teachers and professors who shot Rayne down during the meeting, because now they put him, the first year they mocked to hell and back, at the front of their student regiment in what was deemed the outbreak of a small war.

None of the students saw the battlefields, though. The newest divine visionary, out of a newly added branch to Easton, defeated more than half of the Madjinn forces on his own. The rest of the divine visionaries who had made it to the battle took care of the rest after most of them were already defeated by a single person. That was an astounding feat that raised everyone’s admiration and as Orter was the one pushing for Rayne’s accommodation, Rayne himself stood higher with the teachers, too, simply by association with him.

For Rayne’s easily stressed mind, that meant that three additional teachers agreed to give him the end-of-semester exams on the first day of school. He had more than half of his courses covered at that point, which was enough learning material for his summer vacation before it got too much on that front, as well.

For Rayne’s incarcerated heart, that meant that his own admiration for Orter grew immensely. He remembered his old thoughts on that magician who had won a duel in front of him and his brother. Now Rayne started to wonder if Finn would accept Orter as a second older brother, too.

…but then, Rayne was in danger of feeling grief because his crush was hung onto nothing more than a fantasy. Before his trauma of being gay could descend on him again, he turned that grief into disgust about how mushy he was feeling towards that crush. That was beneath him, he told himself. He was a stone-faced man who didn’t space out while studying because he tried to imagine what the Desert Cane’s fight against those beasts probably looked like.

Rayne had his feelings under control.

Or so he wanted to believe.

Because the Madjinn incident was dealt with fast, nothing in their school life changed, meaning the selection exam took place as scheduled. But compared to the one from last year, where Orter had participated, it was boring, which everyone in Easton agreed with and talked intensely about. In other words, even there Rayne couldn’t stop thinking about the man. Unlike last year, Rayne was allowed to go to the final exam as well, and because the attending visionaries were the Flame Cane and the Ice Cane, at least there he was free to think about something other than Orter Mádl.

Fat chance. The candidates from the other schools also weren’t as interesting as Orter last year, which admittedly wasn’t fair to the candidates, as they were all strong magicians in their own right. Still, everyone talked about how exciting it had been to see a policeman suddenly appear on the scene and dominate everyone else with brutal efficiency. Rayne retroactively felt regret for not seeing the previous final exam.

But there was one other thing the people in this final exam were talking about, too; one other person that everyone was interested in: him. Rayne Ames.

Wahlberg wasn’t exaggerating when he said that people looked out for new, powerful mages and that Rayne was among those being scouted. Turned out that Rayne didn’t have the best perception of himself inside his school; people talked about him in more ways than to starting fights with him all the time. They feared and admired his magical powers and they bet on his future and where it might end up. The students of the other schools had heard many things about him and at least two teachers from Walkis wanted him to transfer over to them.

And those were the least infuriating people to approach Rayne while he tried to watch one mildly interesting exam. People from the Bureau of Magic were like pests that flocked to him. They tried to bribe him with political favours if he aligned himself with them, or they went the “this is just a tiny present for you, no strings attached” route and Rayne couldn’t be feeling more like he was solicited for sex again; these people, mostly men, were that kind of scum.

When the exam was over and the next divine visionary was chosen, a capable third year from Walkis, Rayne found the emptiest hallways to get away from the castle where the exam was held. His senses to feel the magical energy of others were fine-tuned because of how much he needed to avoid everyone when he was as agitated as he was in that moment. He even cast a spell to colour his robe in Orca fashion and pulled his hood up to hide himself.

That should’ve been everything for his trip. From that point onward, except for another massive attack from one of the other magical races happening, nothing exciting would come Rayne’s way until next year’s selection exam, he thought. There would only be boring stuff from now on, while trying not to get into fights, and finally finding the key to his closet that more and more took on the colours that Rayne associated with Orter Mádl. (Green and gold.)

But then, inside one of those seemingly empty hallways, the weak magical energy of a child entered Rayne’s senses. He didn’t look back and just ignored them, fixated on the boring year ahead of him… but he wasn’t ignored in turn.

Like an explosion, the weak magical power of the child increased massively while the spark of a spell activated half a second later, barely perceptible even to Rayne. A wide stream of water drilled itself into the wall he just stood in front of, the sharp tendrils that came with it just centimetres away from decapitating Rayne on the spot.

Out of reflex, Rayne’s hand was already going to his wand when the magical energy increased; the attack itself he had to evade physically, and he couldn’t prevent himself from getting wet. But the wall behind him hadn’t even started to crumble when Rayne already activated his own spell for his counterattack.

“Partisan!”

His blades went past the still going stream of water at his attacker behind him, who had come into the hallway from a door. The blades, deathly sharp in instinctual retaliation against a kill-shot, struck flesh, stone and wood all at once until the water attack was redirected into a circular spinning defence. Rayne wasn’t finished, though. Thinking that the presence of a child was an illusion, he increased the potency of his partisans now that he had the time for it and attacked once more.

With one glance, he determined the flow of magical energy that the water was spinning with to find its weakest cohesive point. With his partisans that struck in the right frequency at the correct spots, he forced that weak point open for a direct attack by himself. Jumping behind his last partisan with his wand ready to create another one at the right angle to kill his attacker, he destroyed the water barrier.

An expression of surprise was the first thing Rayne saw when he went past that powerful defence. A wand swinging for an impossibly fast counterspell was the second thing.

An actual child – not an illusion – was the third thing he saw, which had Rayne’s heart beat painfully against his chest for a second and fill his mind with thoughts that went in all directions. He aborted his attack at the same moment the child conjured an aggressive defence spell. Rayne jumped back into the hallway, not wanting this fight to continue, but he still had his wand ready to do that anyway if that child – that young teenager about the same age as Finn – turned out to be as psychotic as his first unannounced and deadly attack might suggest.

“That was hella impressive! They were right saying that you would’ve won the visionary title if you had competed!”

Yes, that creepily smiling teenager was psychotic and the blood from Rayne’s first attack that dropped heavily over the shoulder and chest of the non-caring pink-haired two-liner just cemented that fact.

Chapter Text

Rayne decided that their clash was over now, as he had neither the desire to fight someone who could be in Finn’s grade (that boy was from Walkis's middle school, going by his uniform), nor did he want to find out if this was or could be turned into a setup to pin some crime on him, by one of the disgruntled officials from the Bureau for example.

That had happened way too often when he got into conflicts with other kids while still living in the streets, regardless of whether those kids were older or younger than him. Somehow, Rayne always got the blame.

“Get lost, wannabe assassin,” was the only thing Rayne said to that boy, much to his immediate childish anger at being dismissed so fast. But he didn’t attack him again when Rayne turned around and walked away. Curious. That meant Pink Hair wasn’t completely crazy and knew restraint, especially when other magicians were on their way to check out why immense concentrations of magical power had been unleashed all of a sudden in an unauthorised area.

Rayne knew better than to act like that incident hadn’t happened, though. If he had been late in reacting by just one second, he would’ve sustained grave injuries from a 14-year-old. That boy was there to kill, and he would’ve killed any other student he could’ve met in that hallway. The only saving grace one could throw at Pink Hair was his correct assumption that Rayne was capable enough to dodge a surprise attack.

But that was a guess on the boy’s part. It was still psychotic to try out.

The question was whether that boy was also dumb enough to ignore potential deadly retaliation? Or was he so sure of himself and his powers that he knew he wouldn’t be in danger even if Rayne attacked back?

Who was that boy?

Rayne went to look for one of the Easton prefects or professors who came with him to the final exam. One of the divine visionaries who was still around would also do, but Rayne’s pride might take a hit if he were to talk with them about what had happened. He found Professor Mevitable, ignored her wide eyes and questions about what had happened, and also ignored how she knew something had happened just by looking at him. He wrote a short report while narrating it to get her off his back.

Then he duplicated the report a few times, addressed them to different people, sealed them off with his magic, and put them into the professor’s hand before jumping out of a window after summoning a random broom to fly straight back to Easton. Rayne had no desire to be present when that wannabe killer created a sob story to get out of what he had started. That was just a tedious fiasco to be around for. He would rather let the boy say as he pleased without him being there and only after the lies had been recorded would he defend himself in person.

That was the best thing to do in Rayne’s experience. It threw the liars off their game for one, and they didn’t get the opportunity to spin even more lies in reaction to how Rayne would defend himself. But maybe the boy wouldn’t even resort to distorting what had happened? Maybe he would say the truth because he had powerful people from Walkis or the Bureau in his corner who would protect him from any retaliation.

Rayne used the flight back to get his head in order and sort through everything that had happened that day. He found that flying longer distances helped him stay calm but he couldn’t quite manage to untangle and order his troubles constructively. But maybe to do that, he only needed to learn a spell that helped against the sharp winds that hit his face constantly? Especially his blond side hurt immensely because of that and the cold.

Rayne reached Easton, was accepted through the barrier, and without being seen by anyone, went straight to his room to Scotch and Brandy, his newest bunny. Max wasn’t there because he wasn’t expecting Rayne back that early, though he should’ve expected Rayne to come back earlier than the Easton delegation at least.

What Rayne expected to do in his room was to lie on his bed with one fat and one soon-to-be-fat bunny on his chest to properly decompress from his day and charge energy for when Wahlberg would call him to his office to discuss being attacked by a dangerous middle schooler.

What he didn’t expect was a messenger spell in the form of a scorpion with wings (not the weirdest design he saw for those spells, but it was certainly up there) to knock on his window just three minutes after he lay down. Couldn’t Wahlberg give him at least half an hour before he had to step in front of people who might or might not accuse him of randomly attacking a student younger than him? Was that too much to ask?

But before Rayne could get angry at being summoned so soon, he remembered that Wahlberg’s messenger spell wasn’t a scorpion with wings. He had actually never seen the one in front of his window from anyone in school and Rayne was someone who had been called by every teacher and prefect at least once.

So he got up, curious about who in Easton other than Wahlberg could even know of the incident that fast. The reports he sent out went mostly to people outside of Easton, like Vice-Director Bless and Kaldo Gehenna. Professor Mevitable also got her own report, but she was still in the castle with the other Easton people.

The messenger scorpion came from Orter Mádl.

With golden sand, the Desert Cane seal flared brightly for a moment after Rayne opened his window to let the messenger in. But why him? Did Kaldo inform him about what had happened? And why was he here already? Rayne flew straight to Easton from the castle and that was a shorter flight than from the capital, where Orter worked. Maybe he used transportation magic but those were restricted for long distances. Then again, that was a divine visionary he was thinking about and they got special privileges for everything.

The name of a meeting room flashed up next, but trepidation took hold of Rayne all of a sudden.

What if Orter deemed that incident as a break on the non-fight condition he had given him? But no, for that, he would need to believe Pink Hair first. Was there even enough time to hear the boy’s version, whatever that version was, when Orter hadn’t been present in the castle? Maybe this was about something completely else, too?

Or maybe Orter heard about something happening and wanted to hear Rayne’s version first?

A lot of different emotions flared up inside Rayne at that thought, many of which were coloured gold and green by his crush on Orter that had reached infatuation status at this point. There was happiness at the thought of someone standing in his corner during an altercation like that and a sense of pride at having his version be the first to be listened to. There was also deep respect towards Orter for his impartial way of handling things like this.

A crazy boy like that had to have caused trouble previously, and someone with Orter’s status and background in the police would definitely know about that, just like he knew about Rayne’s past crimes. Even with all of that, though, Orter wouldn’t just blindly believe in one version over the other; he would investigate, he would question, he would look at evidence, and he would expect someone like Kaldo to do the same back in the castle.

Without properly realising it, Rayne was already in front of the meeting room Orter had ordered him to come to. His trepidations from before had disappeared, even after he told himself to stop fantasising about what this meeting would be about and how it would end in his favour just because he liked Orter. It could still be about something else, and Rayne might not, after all, be the first person to be questioned if it were about the attack.

But with confidence that he would be treated fairly by Orter regardless of whatever this was about or in what order the investigation took place, Rayne opened the door to this meeting feeling light and unbothered. Emotions he didn’t have to fake on his face; emotions he knew wouldn’t be compromised by Orter’s like they would be in the presence of literally anyone else.

It was that lightness Rayne was feeling that would end up flipping his world upside down by the way Orter actually treated him when he came through that door. Gone were all his mental defences and walls; all pushed to the side in a rare moment of tranquillity. Rayne’s dislike of men with authority was also long gone when it came to Orter. Even though you couldn’t see it on his face, Rayne was open to the world like he hadn’t been in a decade because he knew that for once, he had nothing to fear.

But.

…what is he doing to me…

“Headmaster Wahlberg won’t be here for this meeting.” Orter was standing by a desk and looking out of a window when Rayne came in. His composure was exactly as Rayne had imagined it to be; back straight, calm and professional. Rayne was given enough time to use a greeting of his choice before Orter continued talking. “It won’t surprise you that this is about the attack you repor–“

Then came the moment.

Orter turned around to address Rayne directly, but when he did so, he froze with his eyes widening ever so slightly but more than Rayne could’ve imagined they’d ever do.

What, Rayne thought immediately, confused. What had Orter react so… shocked?

That surprised expression on the Desert Cane’s face melted into steel before going back to its normal, passive self. Rayne was shocked now, too, because he had been so sure that Orter Mádl wasn’t someone who dealt with emotions. At all. Did he… misjudge the man who was supposed to be neutrally fair? Was he someone who could negatively influence Rayne’s emotions after all? Was it a mistake to feel so open around him? Was it a mistake to let his guard down this once in his life in the presence of someone else?

Rayne wondered and feared, but he couldn’t get his defences up again because he was also plain confused about why that reaction had happened in the first place. Orter was talking and acting normally when he came in… so it had to be about Rayne himself, but what?

“Whatever Domina Blowelive will say about this incident,” Orter finally continued, “I have ample evidence that he was the one who started it.”

Rayne’s confusion didn’t end. He could gather that Pink Hair was Domina but he couldn’t understand anything about the supposed evidence Orter mentioned. Even more confusing was how Orter grabbed something that was inside his coat but only after moving his hand stiffly over to it. He took a deep green folded handkerchief out and started to walk towards Rayne but Rayne was still at a loss as to what all of that was about.

Should he put his walls up again? Harden his emotions before pushing them behind his stoicism? But he found that he liked that lightness with which he came to Orter, however short it was going to last. If he put his walls up now, he feared… that he wouldn’t ever be able to pull them down again. At least not for many years. Before he was forced to decide between protecting himself or not, however, Rayne was distracted for a moment when he realised that the handkerchief was magically enchanted. He couldn’t make out what kind of magic it was exactly but he knew it wasn’t malicious magic at least.

Orter offered him the handkerchief.

Rayne stared blankly at it without taking it because he didn’t know what he could need it for, but his hands were glued to his sides anyway because he was still wondering if he had misjudged Orter’s character this entire time. Why had he been so emotional when he saw Rayne? And was that movement on his face right now another emotion, too?

“Sir?” Rayne opted to verbalise his confusion before he decided on something that could come close to betrayal to him and his emotionally fragile self. Orter looked over his face at his question, completely blank again, thankfully; Rayne would’ve shut down immediately if Orter also became confused or even perturbed. It was frightening, actually, to see how badly the feelings of others affected him.

But Orter was and stayed emotionless when he took one step closer to Rayne. He wasn’t trying to give the handkerchief to him anymore; instead, he unfolded it once before holding it with the entirety of his left hand, just to…

…lift it to Rayne’s right cheek and press it close to his skin.

That action was obviously not an attack, but Rayne would’ve reacted like it was one if he had put his walls up. Despite it all, he was still fully trusting someone with his emotional well-being, so he didn’t resist when the handkerchief with the accompanying hand made its way towards his face. Soft fabric and warmth were the first things he felt on his body when Orter did what he did, but any reaction to that from Rayne was delayed for a moment.

The confusion about all of this was still there, but an old memory of Finn resurfaced in Rayne’s mind as well. His brother, rather little at the time, was also pressing something against Rayne’s skin. An old piece of cloth against his arm that was bleeding after he got into a fight with an adult because of food, the last time he allowed Finn to treat his injuries like that.

But right now, Rayne still wasn’t ready to make sense of what was happening to him – what Orter was doing to him – until the warmth of Orter’s hand that travelled through the handkerchief to his skin was replaced with an even deeper, more stinging warmth.

Healing.

The green handkerchief was laced with healing magic that now worked on Rayne’s right cheek, the right side of his chin, part of his throat and even his ear. Mevitable’s reaction and the stinging wind while he flew back; through none of that had Rayne realised that Domina had actually hit and injured him during their short fight. Now Orter’s reaction to seeing him made sense. Who knew how Rayne looked right now, but with how long the magic took to heal him, he guessed that he was a terrible sight because he had deep lacerations all over the right side of his head. Rayne had gotten wet from the water Domina used, which was probably the reason why he hadn’t felt his blood pour out of him in rivets.

With a start, Rayne realised that he should explain himself and that he couldn’t let a divine visionary keep on healing him with a cloth when he had two functioning arms at his disposal to do that himself. Rather clumsily, comparable to Orter’s previous stiffness, Rayne took hold of the handkerchief but not without unnecessarily touching Orter’s hand. When Orter pulled back, Rayne realised something else he had missed, too, but at least this time it was something new; something that had only happened in the last minute.

The warmth from Orter’s hand had travelled through his cheek straight down to his chest. The extra heat from the healing just amplified the mushy feeling that now sat heavily around his heart. Even though there was no physical contact between them anymore, that giant pool of liquid warmth didn’t leave him any time soon…

…If Rayne had had his walls up, not only would he have prevented that warmth from travelling to his heart, he would’ve prevented Orter from touching him at all by stopping his hand and taking the handkerchief before he was even close to his face. But that was not how this encounter had turned out.

Not only was Orter on his side in the clash with Domina Blowelive, he was also right by his side when Rayne needed the physical care he had rarely gotten from someone else in his life. He knew – he knew – that he was chasing after a fantasy, but for this one moment, he couldn’t help himself… he imagined that the feeling inside his chest was that of love.

Chapter Text

“It’s reassuring to see that you follow through with your words. You said that you avoid conflict if you have the choice, and today you did exactly that against Domina Blowelive.”

“…I did plan to attack and stop him forcefully, but after the initial attack and seeing that he was younger, I reconsidered.”

“You did well like that. Domina is a dangerous individual with heavy yet veiled connections in our magic society.”

Rayne’s assumption about Domina having done shit like that previously was true, but he couldn’t concentrate on that because he was still holding the magic handkerchief to his face while his heart heavily pumped that disgustingly ridiculous amount of love-filled warmth throughout his body, spreading directly from his chest. Orter had turned away from him, thankfully, and took his time going back to his desk, removing his coat, putting it on his chair and sitting down.

With that, Rayne had enough time to get his body under control… if he managed it. His facial stoicism hadn’t crumbled (much) because it was part of his soul at this point, but it still took some effort to get his legs moving properly. Maybe Rayne would’ve handled that overpowering feeling inside his chest better if he had experienced something like that at another time. But he hadn’t. Rayne had never even tried to fake a relationship with a girl, so feeling what he considered (dreaded?) to be love at this moment was completely new to him.

He decided that talking a bit more would help him with his control.

“I’m sorry about my appearance and behaviour just now. I didn’t realise I’ve been hit.”

“That happens in the heat of the moment,” Orter answered him after pulling a familiar-looking report to the middle of the desk. He was the emotionless visionary Rayne knew him to be; that small moment of surprise from before was nearly forgotten. “But you sought out your teacher afterwards to write this report. No doubt she tried to alert you to your injuries. Avoiding unnecessary conflict with a dangerous adversary is one thing, but avoiding further contact with others afterwards and running off was to your own detriment.”

Rayne listened to Orter’s critique while he slowly walked over to the desk to sit in the chair in front of it. He knew Orter was right, bleeding all over himself for some time and ruining his clothes and bed were proof enough of that. But he took issue with how he described him as someone who “ran off”. On some technical level, that was true but Rayne had valid and logical reasons not to stay in the castle.

So he decided to argue with Orter about it. He knew he could, as the Desert Cane just was like that… but what he didn’t know was what that arguing might be doing to his still too large heart.

“I will do better the next time a situation like this happens, but I don’t accept your implication that I fled from the aftermath of the attack. I decided to have my written statement stand in for me against whatever that teenager would say. Only after his word will be written down as well, will I directly engage with any allegations he’ll throw at me.”

Orter didn’t reply at first; instead, he leaned back against his chair and took his time to think about Rayne’s words. His piercing eyes never left Rayne’s the entire time, but Rayne was less disturbed at that and more surprised at how he hadn’t consciously acknowledged those eyes once since he entered this room. Somehow, he found them just… nice to look at.

“Your reasoning for going away is sound. You did, after all, find an authority to report to first. You only need to keep better track of yourself and the people around you in the future. Now we will discuss exactly what happened.”

Rayne’s heart skipped a beat because of Orter’s acknowledgement. Maybe he should avoid getting more of those for the rest of this meeting, though; his heart, that was beating in Orter’s frequency, might not take it well. His right hand was still holding the handkerchief against the right side of his face to get his cuts healed, so he chose to concentrate the restless energy that was slowly building up inside of him on that. He moved and pressed the healing cloth against his skin every time he felt too giddy or twitchy because of his crush that had turned to infatuation and then to more than it ever should be.

If that was how all people in love felt, then Rayne understood for the first time why those people became incredibly stupid occasionally.

Orter went through Rayne’s report with him (originally addressed to Kaldo Gehenna) and added the details Rayne had forgotten or intentionally didn’t write down to make it short. The Desert Cane also commented on some things concerning Domina, like how he had been involved in other attacks and even deaths but nothing concrete could ever be proven. In a weird way, Rayne actually felt kinship towards that psychotic teen because he had been involved in many things as well, some of which had also never been proven, which saved Rayne’s future more than once.

But the thing was, Rayne had never maliciously attacked someone just to cause them harm while proving a point about strength. That boy operated on a level of contempt and disregard for others that would only make him more dangerous as he got older.

When the recounting came to an end, Orter said some last words on how the rest of the investigation into this incident would be conducted. And that was it about meeting this man for the third time…

…Rayne dreaded what a fourth meeting would do to him but he regretted this one ending more. It wasn’t like he could prolong it, though. What else could he talk to Orter about? That he was crushing on the five year older man so hard that his chest felt crushed under hot coals for a while now? Definitely not. The accommodation Rayne received from the school, maybe? Yes, that was a topic they could talk about.

…but Rayne utterly failed to lead their conversation to it before it ended with Orter standing up after gathering his things. What was wrong with him all of a sudden? Normally, he didn’t have any problems opening up new topics of conversation with others, regardless of whether he did so subtly or brazenly. But now he couldn’t get his mouth to open and form the right words. The only thing his brain cooked up was an embarrassing ‘…so, the school thing…’

“Your handkerchief,” was the thing that suddenly jumped out of Rayne’s mouth but approximately 1.4 seconds after he said it, he realised that it was one of the dumber things he had ever said in his life. That cloth was full of his blood at this point, and he wasn’t surprised in the least that Orter told him to keep it until its magical effects ran out. At his suggestion that he would give him the (clean) handkerchief back when they met again, Orter dismissed him by saying that he would get another one from the old witch who enchanted them exclusively for divine visionaries.

So that was the end, Rayne realised. Until they met again, whenever that would be…

“Before I leave,” Orter said suddenly, halfway around the desk and facing Rayne. What Rayne failed to do, that man did so with seemingly no effort. “You received your accommodation from the school, I presume. Otherwise, I would’ve heard of a petition to remove those from the regulations.”

“Yes.” Rayne was still sitting on his chair, looking up at Orter. Then, in a spur-of-the-moment decision, he stayed seated to keep their conversation going for longer, instead of inviting a formal goodbye. “When I have my five gold coins next year, I’m officially allowed to take my exams. I have to apologise about your last suggestion to me, though. I failed to argue that a new amendment to the regulations should be added. I do have the permission from some of my teachers to take my exams immediately after summer break, but only because of their goodwill.”

“No need to apologise for that.” Because Orter wasn’t moving away, he stood closer to Rayne than ever before… no… he had been the closest when he pressed that handkerchief against Rayne's face. “I shouldn’t have put that into your head without also helping with the right arguments and precedent with you. The other students from back then had months to prepare.”

Orter said everything without any emotions again, giving Rayne the room to experience his own without interference. What was he feeling right now? It wasn’t the hot pressure inside his chest anymore, that one had subsided while they talked – while Orter talked – but he was still feeling warm all over his body, which stood in stark contrast to the cold water and cold wind from today. Other than that…

He was just incredibly pleased to know someone like Orter. Pushing, temporarily, his gay love to the side, the man’s presence and conduct were just freeing to be around. Even if Rayne hadn’t been gay, he was sure that he still would’ve felt many of the emotions that coursed through him right then. It was plain affection, with or without romantic feelings, and Rayne wanted more of that going forward. So he found a simple answer to give to Orter and set his intentions into stone.

“That’s not a problem for me. I will become a divine visionary regardless.”

Orter looked at Rayne as indecipherably as ever, his gaze calmly taking in Rayne’s statement that was made with absolute confidence, as certain as the fact that the sun will rise again. He pushed his glasses up instead of answering him immediately, then he said a simple “Do well,” before walking towards the door.

But Rayne wasn’t satisfied with that answer, he realised. He still wanted more from the Desert Cane he was so completely infatuated with, so he stood up, bowed slightly while bidding Orter farewell, before saying one more thing to him after Orter had his back turned to him already.

“I will give you this handkerchief back when it’s enchanted again.”

Rayne did nothing more than repeat two of his previous statements combined into one, but this time it was personal. It was a promise. He couldn’t see Orter’s face anymore but it wasn’t like he missed any expressions. What counted was what Orter would say… if he said anything at all.

The man adjusted his coat and the papers under his arm to leave, but not before turning his head to look at Rayne one last time.

“I’ll hold you to it.”

Rayne wanted that kind of response, and still, he was surprised at how violently his heart jumped in his chest again. Orter’s look back was short, then he disappeared through the door, which gave Rayne enough time to hold it together before he had to sit down on the chair. He couldn’t handle everything that had happened in this room while still standing. This day was a lot, from being in a large crowd during the final exam, to the attack, to meeting Orter again, but in the end, the stress from the first two things was… nothing.

Nothing anymore, at least. Sitting down and talking with Orter about the incident was enough to shed any stress Rayne had accumulated from those events. Something that his flight back to the school hadn’t accomplished. Now what, though? What was he supposed to do? After staying alone in this room for about 15 minutes, enjoying his solitude and heavily beating heart, Rayne stood up with a clear purpose on his mind.

And a deep green handkerchief in his hand that would become enchanted with healing magic again after Rayne himself gave the order for it.

Chapter Text

It would take a year, but Rayne would give the handkerchief back to Orter and the path towards that was already laid out for him. Studying for his current exams, studying for his next during the summer break, perfecting his magic, and not getting into fights with students and teachers. Also getting another bunny or two because that light-hearted feeling he was swimming in after meeting Orter? He couldn’t count on getting that regularly to de-stress, especially not day after day.

And that was how Rayne finished his first year of high school: at the top of his classes and in love, which zapped enough of his hate towards everyone who wanted to antagonise him to only do light damage towards them. Technically, Rayne only had to trim his transgressions down, not stop them completely, and he had already shown Orter that he was more interested in evasion of conflict than its perpetuation. But in a school setting, that was a different matter compared to a random hallway in a random castle with a teenager he wouldn’t meet again anytime soon. Here, he needed to show strength to cut down the attacks on him.

But Rayne also took a piece of his own advice and started to write those incidents down and send them to Wahlberg immediately. He wasn’t hoping to get justice for himself against those who constantly aggravated him for whatever reason; he was hoping Orter would maybe see that he was putting effort into his behaviour. Just maybe. If he had the time to look at the school records of a, for now, failed divine visionary candidate every now and then.

Rayne had nowhere to go for the summer break, so he stayed in the nearly empty school dormitories. Max said goodbye to him after Rayne declined to visit his family. Finn stayed with him, though, because obviously, his brother had nowhere to go either and with how few other students and teachers remained, Rayne had no problem with him being so close to him.

They barely talked to each other. Rayne was busy going through his second-year schoolbooks on his own because he would be tested on them in less than two months, while Finn occasionally opened his to study as well, but mostly he played with Scotch, Brandy and Rum. For Rayne, this was the best summer break he ever had. He was left alone, had a safe environment to be in, food he didn’t need to worry about, his brother happy and close by, and something to do every day that would guarantee Finn’s future.

He was sure that Finn felt the same way.

(Only much later would Rayne realise that “the best summer he ever had” was not “the best summer he could’ve had with his brother”. Rayne was still pushing Finn away and not letting him get close to him because he didn’t accept Finn as his equal. He was nothing more than his younger brother, whom Rayne had to protect at all times with everything he had available to him.)

Unfortunately, two other things were going on with Rayne during that summer: his ever-present sphere of traumas that loomed over him at all times, and his newly developed love for a man a bit older and more accomplished than he was. Also unfortunately, those two things were connected because being gay was a trauma in the world he lived in.

With studying and being close to Finn, Rayne was able to ignore his black sphere and how Orter was part of it. He could just indulge in his little fantasy of being closer to Orter without having to face the harsh reality that it would never happen the way he wanted it to. He only needed to get back to studying, or cuddling his bunnies, or watching Finn cuddle his bunnies, for everything to go back to being fine when he felt depressed. And that evasion tactic worked for quite a while.

Until Rayne was finished studying three weeks before school started again. He couldn’t help it; he was just good at it and he had no idea where that one got lost with Finn. (Maybe Finn never developed good studying skills because Rayne always took care of everything for him?) Rayne could keep his trauma sphere at bay for another week by going through his books again and again, but after memorising everything, it was just pointless to keep on reading.

The words started to blur together to create images. Images that received motion, colour and sound inside his head. Suddenly, he fantasised about things he had cried over when he was 12: holding hands, kissing on the lips, getting married. Those weren’t even things Rayne would like to do. Holding hands was impractical while walking, and everything that wasn’t a bone-dry and short kiss on his cheek disgusted him.

But those were the things he associated with what a romantic life was supposed to be. The thing he would never have without putting his and Finn’s future, even their lives, at risk. But now he had no distractions anymore...

When he thought about becoming the next divine visionary, Orter was right there with him. The hot pressure in his chest had lessened over the weeks but it started pushing heat into him again when his mind wandered over to the Desert Cane. But when it wandered too close, that heat went down to his stomach and belly to show him how utterly fucked he was by giving him the physical sensation of losing.

Because that was what Rayne was doing with his crush, his infatuation, his love: he was losing in life because of it. Orter would be his colleague for years to come and if, through a stroke of luck, he wasn’t also a closeted gay man who was also willing to risk his life for romance, then Rayne would just have to live for the rest of his life as someone rejected.

He was doing everything for Finn since they were children… but he had always known that they would be adults at some point, too. Somewhere in their nebulous future, after Rayne had everything figured out and they had an easy life for themselves, then it would be time for Rayne to care about himself for once, too. Finn would get his happy family, and then Rayne could get one. Wife and children for both of them, and he would make sure that they would all live a good life.

Rayne’s wife and children turned into a husband and children when he realised what he was, then they turned into a black hole with only the feet of the children visible in case he wanted to adopt or foster kids when he was older and damned to be alone forever.

Orter was that black hole… while also being a living human, he would meet every day when he wanted to achieve his goal…

Rayne’s mood crashed indescribably two weeks before school started again. He couldn’t sort through his thoughts; he couldn’t sort through his feelings; he couldn’t keep his other traumas from descending on him. When he didn’t catch himself before it was too late, he spiralled so much that he either found himself cowering inside a small room somewhere in the empty school for hours or he disappeared into the forest until the middle of the night or even the next day.

(All of that done after making sure his little brother would have a warm bed and food for a while.)

“Nii-san…” Finn wasn’t blind to what was happening. “I haven’t seen you like this for years…” But Rayne would never talk to him about his troubles. “You… y-you can tell me…” Because Rayne would rather lose his hand than trouble Finn, too.

His brother didn’t need to know that Rayne was a freak who could neither deal with his past nor his future.

“I’m fine… go through your books from last year again. Easton doesn’t allow anyone to repeat a year except in rare cases.”

“B-but, Nii-san… I can hel–“

“Just stay in Easton, Finn. At least another year until I’m a divine visionary… then everything will sort itself out.”

Rayne didn’t hear much from Finn’s answer to that. The mumbled “I’ll can help sort things out now…” went through one ear and out the other without registering as anything useful. I only needed to get through these weeks and everything will turn out fine, Rayne told himself. It always did. How else could he have survived his childhood?

But while Rayne could push his sphere of terror away again at some point, he couldn’t do the same to the love he was carrying in his chest, an emotion so foreign to him he didn’t know what to do with it.

One week before the new school year started, right when Rayne felt new fear about his mood lasting just long enough to interfere negatively with his exams, a light shone on him. Max came back to the school, but more importantly than that, he came back with a new bunny: Vodka, who was just the cute little distraction Rayne needed to get back on track and away from his traumas.

For hours, Rayne was so occupied cuddling his new furry friend that he forgot the world outside (and the two teenagers inside) of his room existed. Everything was peaceful now, especially when he was busy playing hide and seek with all his bunnies. Max and Finn sat on the ground beside the bed, politely looking at the wall for hours and closing their eyes when they wanted to get something from inside the room.

“Oh my god! What happened?” Max asked Finn in a desperate whisper. “I’ve never seen him like this! Did they exclude him from the divine visionary exams?!”

“No, if that had happened, he would’ve become violent,” Finn whispered back, used to his brother’s moods but no less worried about them. “I don’t know what’s going on with him, he won’t talk to me…” he said, dejected.

In the end, Rayne wouldn’t talk to Max either. Admitting to anyone that he was gay and suffering for it wasn’t a confession he felt like he would ever make. It wasn’t even that it was a personal issue; there were things Rayne was willing to talk with Max about that were deeply personal, like how he had once been forced to kill someone in self-defence. But being gay was nothing but a burden to him and it would become a burden to anyone who found out about it, too.

Vodka helped Rayne get his balance back, but he knew that wouldn’t last because he was still feeling that impossible love. For a moment, he thought that he could pretend to be in love with some unattainable woman to at least tell a little bit of himself to Max. His friend was so eager to help him without pushing him and he wanted to honour that friendship, but Rayne realised that it was just too bothersome to create a lie like that and hope it wouldn’t reveal, in an indirect way, that he was actually talking about a man.

The new school year would start in two days. Rayne’s exams to get half his courses out of the way for the next half a year were tomorrow. Max proposed going down to the village for some relaxing fun and buying stuff that would help keep their multiplying bunnies a secret for longer. He invited Finn, too, but because most of the students and teachers were back by now, Rayne sent his brother back to his own dormitory for his safety.

Finn’s face fell immediately; his weak protests were ignored by Rayne. Rayne ignored Max’s objections, too. It wasn’t the right time anymore, he said, and that was the end of the discussion with him. He did feel bad about disappointing his younger brother but that feeling was minuscule compared to how he wanted to protect him from people who were after him. That Rayne could’ve done a trip like that with Finn weeks ago did cross his mind for a moment, but he dismissed that as fast as it came because he had been busy during that time.

The trip itself was unremarkable and Rayne was sure that Finn wouldn’t have missed anything. That was how he rebuffed Max’s concerned comment that he should try to spend more time with his brother. We were together during the entire summer break, Rayne replied. Max countered that they should do more than to silently sit in the same room together.  

Neither Rayne nor Max wanted to drag that conversation out, so they left it at that, enjoying what they could of the trip and buying things for Rayne’s bunnies. None of the problems Rayne had to deal with were actually resolved by that, however.

That is, until he happened to see a particular non-assuming shop wedged in a side alley.

It offered piercings of all kinds, and Rayne would lie if he said that he never found them appealing. On others, mostly, but he was curious about himself, too. There was just one problem: getting a piercing as a man was seen as part of counterculture, and that one wasn’t too far away from gay culture. In other words, Rayne might risk being found out if he got piercings himself…

“Oh! Do you want your ears pierced?”

Rayne had been staring too long at that shop, which had Max backtrack and realise what he was contemplating. But that turned out to be in Rayne’s favour, because now he was forced to rethink his dejected desire for piercings instead of wallowing in the worst-case scenario he could come up with. Having your ears (and only your ears with only one earring each) pierced as a boy and man wasn’t that rare anymore. For the complete counterculture look and beliefs, people went far beyond that with multiple piercings, jewellery, certain clothes and makeup included in their getup.

Counterculture and (obviously underground) gay culture weren’t that close to each other either, at least not for a normal student and teacher. Rayne saw them closer together because he met various people falling into those groups while living in the streets, shelters and orphanages. Margarette Macaron might raise a knowing eyebrow (not that Rayne was sure, people perceived her more as eccentric than queer) but most people around him…

“Rayne, they would look good on you! I know it!”

…wouldn’t think too much about any specific background of an ear piercing. He would still come off as even more rebellious than before, though, and that… that brought with it another problem. Orter.

What would Orter Mádl think of him, his attitude and behavioural issues when he suddenly appeared with his ears pierced? Could he risk the divine visionary’s opinion of him to degrade? Would Orter even look differently at him? He would at least take note of Rayne becoming even more unruly, right? And what if Orter… took the piercings as a sign for… queerness?

What if he disapproved?

Those were too many complications Rayne didn’t want to think about, so he grabbed Max’s arm and turned around, away from that shop. But he couldn’t get that shop out of his head anymore. It haunted him for the next hours, enough that he accidentally found himself in front of it again, half the time by his own feet, the other half by Max’s. His friend tried to encourage him to do it, but Rayne just couldn’t get over himself.

He couldn’t sort through all the implications and the potential consequences of getting any piercings, mostly because he had no idea how Orter would react to them…

At their last run-in with that shop, Rayne had successfully evaded making any decision because by then, that shop was closed. Max was disappointed but with a smile, he encouraged Rayne to think about it again for the next time they came here. So in the end, Rayne was at the same mental place he had been all summer. One where he couldn’t get Orter Mádl out of his head, to his own… what word had Orter used again when they last met? Oh, yeah, to his own detriment.

“Hey, boy! I’ve been thinking! Honey jade or black onyx? I couldn’t figure it out!”

Just when they turned around to go back to school, a window from that shop opened and an older woman pushed her head out to talk to them. She was addressing Rayne specifically.

“It’s your two-toned hair and fair skin. I can’t decide if black or yellow earrings would look better on you.”

So the universe wasn’t done with him yet. Rayne looked back at the kindly smiling woman who had a significant number of piercings herself. The question of which colour his earrings should have brought Rayne right back into contemplating this entire piercing business, but could he actually come to a decision? What about…

“Honestly, I’m also not sure which would look better. Maybe one yellow and one black?” Max was still at his side, encouraging him. Two months ago, he would’ve done so with more energetic enthusiasm, but over the summer, he grew up a little and was calmer for it. Rayne appreciated that, just like he appreciated the shop owner giving him one last chance at getting what he wanted after seeing him chicken out for hours.

What about…

…

…no.

Rayne realised in that moment that he couldn’t get bogged down by potential reactions Orter might have towards him every time he wanted to do something. This was just an ear piercing, it wasn’t the world and could be temporary if Rayne felt he didn’t like them after all. Orter… would have to deal with it. Just like he dealt with Rayne and his other eccentricities as well, and even if the Desert Cane smelled the queer in Rayne through those earrings, then at least one of Rayne’s problems would sort itself out after that.

…Orter could just reject his gayness with one simple sentence to the tune of “Don’t do anything illegal,” and Rayne would’ve a definite answer to where his love was headed…

“…I don’t want anything big.”

“Just like all the other boys with their first earrings. Don’t worry, I have you covered!”

“Yeah!”

Max couldn’t keep his excitement down at that point, but Rayne was all right with that. The woman closed her window and re-opened the door to let them in and after nothing more than five minutes of looking at all the colours that came with the stud earrings, Rayne had his favourite chosen and magicked into his earlobes (which he found to be a waste of magic; the woman could’ve done that with her hands as well.)

Rayne declined a small cup with medicinal lotion to keep the new holes in his ears from getting infected, saying that he was perfectly capable of mixing his own in school if he needed it. They thanked the patient woman and went back to their dorm, their bunny supplies hidden away with magic so no one would realise what they would be doing in their room deep into the night: building multi-layered tiny bunny homes with beds and whatnot.

When Rayne finally fell asleep that night, he had another realisation. For the first time since he fell for Orter, he managed to push that man and the affection he felt for him to its right corner in his life. Away from the centre of his mind, and towards the side so he could get something for himself, this time something as small as two stud earrings. In the future, he would be able to do that more effectively for bigger things, meaning that Orter would stop bringing down all the other traumas from Rayne’s past.

But that realisation also came with sadness, because at some point, his first gay love, in its entirety, will be put away as well. Excluded from his life because it had no future with him…

The next day, Rayne regretted not taking that lotion from the woman because both his earlobes were now bright red. He could’ve lived with that if not for the fact that he would meet with half his teachers in half an hour to start his special exams. Now his rebellious earrings would be nothing but an embarrassment for the day but Rayne knew he couldn’t skip these exams; he had to go through with them.

He decided to get dressed as fast as possible and break into the infirmary to get another lotion for his ears. It would take hours for the redness to subside but it was still better than nothing, but then he remembered something…

Safely tucked away in his drawer after being thoroughly cleaned, was the deep green handkerchief Orter had given him. A little bit of healing was still left in that cloth, so after some hesitation filled with touching the soft fabric with his fingers, Rayne lifted the handkerchief and pressed it against his infected ears one after another.

The healing faded completely but so did the redness around his earrings. With one last look at the mirror to inspect his appearance – his black onyx studs complementing his pale skin in between his blond and black hair – Rayne was ready to start his second year of high school…

…with the unexpected yet beloved help of Orter Mádl.

Chapter Text

The fourth time meeting Orter was the most boring and borderline sterile meeting he had ever had with that man. It didn’t push Rayne’s infatuation with him in any direction; he neither got more in love nor less with him, which in effect meant that the process of moving that love into a box and putting it away to cry over until the end of his life was what ended up starting with Rayne.

But madly in love, Rayne still fantasised about a better fifth meeting with Orter. He also told himself that this meeting was only so uneventful because it was an official one that Ryoh Grantz and others were part of. If it had been Orter alone…

In the new school year, Rayne was the very first student among Easton, Saint Ars and Walkis to gain five cold coins, which gave him and his school the honour of a formal visit with the past divine visionaries of Easton. Because of Walkis’s overwhelming magical talent, that was a tradition so unknown in his school that barely anyone knew of its existence, not even Rayne.

So the two Easton divine visionaries came to the school for a ritualised event only the older teachers knew how to conduct. Rayne and his five coins got to be the centre of that, surrounded by a few hundred people too many, but he did get to shake Orter’s hand at least. The empathetic hug and strong slap on his shoulder from Ryoh Grantz, he could’ve lived without, though.

The event turned more private later, but it was still in the presence of Ryoh, Wahlberg and other senior teachers as well as the current Adler prefect. That wasn’t an environment where Rayne could even hope to learn more about the Desert Cane or show the man the one thing new about himself: his earrings. It was just… a dry meeting with nothing but formalities leading their conversations.

(Rayne wondered if he shouldn’t use an adjective like dry for his lamentations because he had started to associate that word with Orter’s divine visionary title. But then the image of rain falling over the desert bloomed in his mind and like the love-sick idiot that he was, he started to daydream about that for a while.)

The coin ceremony was over, and soon after, so was the high he felt about seeing Orter and talking a little bit with him. The box where he would seal off his gay love was now open and lay out before him, but Rayne knew that it was still too soon to close and put it away. That painful process would only end after Orter and he became colleagues with nothing but a platonic relationship between them. Before that, he would just rejoice and suffer through that tight and hot pressure in his chest.

At least he wouldn’t suffer too many other students and teachers anymore. Half his weekly school lessons were freed up, and even though he wasn’t supposed to know it yet, he got the extremely unsubtle hint from Wahlberg that he had done exceptionally well on his early exams. Some of his hated teachers, whom he still needed to go to for lessons, made his life worse because of that, but even they started to fear him more and more as time went on, especially after the coin ceremony, where two of the strongest divine visionaries openly talked about welcoming Rayne into the Bureau of Magic, was over.

That, combined with Rayne still demolishing most of the students who dared to start shit with him (they became fewer and fewer), made his life so easy that he couldn’t believe he was actually living it. He had so much free time now that he didn’t know what to do with himself. He even started to miss people fighting him because relaxing for hours every day? Unconceivable. And then his daydreaming about Orter started to get out of hand, too.

Before he got crazy with so much free time (where he got lost in his unattainable fantasies) Max gave him the idea to start breeding his bunnies to get more of them. Those fuzz balls were already humping his legs every day, even after he gave them contraception juice (cooked without authorisation by himself), so that was something he seriously considered. After working out the logistics, he even started it. Nothing could beat having baby bunnies.

Then one of the other rising stars in Easton set his sights on him.

Fine, at least he could get his mind off Orter for one day.

Abel Walker, second-year and next prefect of Lang, had a weird hate-respect relationship with him. The creep with his wand shaped like a doll hated him because Rayne came from poverty. At the same time, he respected Rayne’s strength but, for the most part, the hate was bigger than the respect.

Things had started to shift after Rayne collected his first gold coins, however. In the first year of high school, the respect went up; now, in the second year, accompanied by heated competition, it was back to hate. The question Able Walker asked him when they met again, the thing that drove both his hate and his respect for Rayne, was insanely ideological:

“Do people like you deserve to be strong?”

“I’m going to crush your fucking bones.”

Rayne might have tried to give Abel a proper answer. But that teenager had made the mistake of kidnapping Max (and accidentally Vodka) to force Rayne’s presence in the philosophical and physical debate game he was playing. Max was unharmed and standing in the back (Vodka under his dress shirt), bound by magic rope and looking like he didn’t quite know if he should fear for his safety or find the situation amusing. Rayne found nothing about this amusing, but barely anything ever was for him anyway. For now, he could tolerate Abel Walker being extra, though.

If he had kidnapped Finn, on the other hand, Rayne would’ve lost it immediately.

Because their conversation was going nowhere, the fight part of their debate started but even that was seeped with the ideological musings of one teenager who had too much time to think. Abel sent his second to fight Rayne while talking about someone coming from poverty having to go back into that state of dispossession…

…by being ripped off their magic.

Even if Rayne wasn’t a complete loner, he couldn’t have known that Abyss Razor was a student cursed with the Evil Eye. Rayne did indeed lose his magical power before he even had the time to cast one spell. From one second to the next, his control over his magical energy evaporated completely.

And then, after some heavy bleeding on his part, Rayne won and Abyss lost. The first thing Rayne thought about after the fight was over was getting Max and Vodka away from those idiots. The second thing he thought about was writing a letter telling Orter about his victory.

The fight was easier than he had anticipated at first. His winning luck was that Abyss relied too much on his opponent losing their magic instead of furthering his own. If the other teenager had been able to cast his secondth spell, Rayne would’ve lost but that wasn’t the case. How did Rayne win? By surviving long enough for the effect of the Evil Eye to lose its potency and evading other attempts of it being cast on him again.

And also with his summon and his own secondth spell.

The hate from Abel more or less disappeared after that. Not so his fascist ideological ideals. Rayne was simply an exception to his line that poor people should be culled to rid the world of that inferior underclass. Rayne’s observation, born out of slipping into poverty through tragedy, that the society they lived in would simply create a new underclass of people, fell on deaf ears.

Rayne got his bound but proud and happy Max back unharmed (while Vodka jumped from Max’s shirt to Rayne’s bloody one; no one dared to comment on the illegal bunny). The only thing left to do was glare everyone from Abel’s circle of “elite” students into submission as he easily cut the magic rope around his friend’s hands. But then he saw someone in particular. Wirth Mádl.

He had never been sure about that Lang student (because he never bothered to ask anyone about it) but now that he saw the other teenager up close again, he saw the unmistakable similarities between him and Orter. Their last name was what had him question that relationship since he got his crush on the Desert Cane; now he had the proof that they were brothers or otherwise closely related. But would he do something with that confirmation?

No. He didn’t need Wirth to get closer to Orter, nor did he have any other interest in befriending that second-year student. Maybe they could work together on difficult research projects at some point because that was what Wirth was mostly known for: being one of the best students in terms of written and practical exams. In terms of raw magical power, Wirth might be able to compete in the divine visionary selection exams, but as of now, most students in Easton had given up on that working out for them. Because of Rayne.

So those were the low and high points of meeting Orter for the fourth time. Rayne tried to keep his expectations for any other meetings realistic. They wouldn’t be in boring settings like that all the time; becoming a divine visionary included actually working as one as well; their lives wouldn’t be ceremonies every day with hundreds of guests around them. It would be mundane work, though, Rayne was sure. And if he never connected with Orter on a personal level, then mundanity would be their relationship as well…

Orter hadn’t commented on or even looked at Rayne’s black earrings...

Once Rayne had his behavioural issues under control, too, what personal things could they be talking about after that? Thinking back on all their meetings, Orter demanding improvement from Rayne and helping him with his classes unprompted, those would be the only kind of interactions they would have, he feared. It was sad how much Rayne believed in the foregone conclusion that, of course, he had no chance at a romantic relationship with the man. It wasn’t that his chances were low; they basically didn’t exist for him, that was what he believed in…

…but then there was Orter spontaneously giving Rayne one more advice in the garden, and there was the handkerchief and his warm hand on Rayne’s face. So maybe… there was a chance? At least a chance at a proper friendship?

But with his heart pounding so heavily in his chest, would Rayne ever be satisfied with a simple friendship?

The fifth time meeting Orter…

…was a national catastrophe.

The newly appointed Forest Cane had been killed by an unknown sorcerer. His body was so mangled that they barely recognised him. Rayne had one of his free periods when the message reached the school like a shockwave. Classes were dismissed, students were ordered to the Great Hall, and an emergency teacher conference was held.

Killing a divine visionary was on par with a declaration of war against the Bureau of Magic. The Madjinn incident paled compared to the damage already done in this incident. There was no official culprit, however; no one who took credit for the killing but Innocent Zero was on everyone’s lips. That group, led by a former disciple of Adam Jobs, had lain low for decades except to commit small acts of terror now and then. This one was on a completely different scale, however, so were they about to slowly re-emerge onto the world?

That night, a messenger spell with extremely low magical output slipped through the cracks of Rayne’s door. He felt it and woke up immediately and six minutes later, he was in Wahlberg’s office for a secret meeting together with Margarette Macaron and none other than Orter Madl. Everyone was grim in their own way, with some, like Wahlberg, expressing themselves openly. Margarette was more about nervous energy she wanted to put into action while Rayne had an inner desire to hurt someone, not only because one of the pillars of their society was killed – he cared way less about that than one might expect of him – but also because the way the divine visionary was killed reminded him of a troublesome individual from just a few months back.

…and Orter being here solidified Rayne’s hunch, especially with how… on edge the man seemed. As if certain emotions were ready to spill out from him once more.

“Rayne, Margarette. Good that you made it here so fast. You took care not to be seen?” Wahlberg asked, concerned about the situation they all found themselves in.

“Everything’s fine on my end,” Margarette answered before swinging an arm over to Rayne, who gave his affirmation as well. Wahlberg looked like he wanted to say something more, probably a repeat of the speech he gave today in the Great Hall but Orter was faster than him.

“We couldn’t find much evidence on the one who killed the Forest Cane, but from what I could gather, there is a possibility that you two might be targeted by that person in the future.”

Wahlberg turned his head towards Orter while going through his beard with one hand. Margarette raised an eyebrow and her finger to her lips to think about that prediction, but Rayne simply stood there, half expecting what had been said.

“How come?” Margarette asked at last.

“Because one of the prime suspects attacked Rayne Ames during the last Final Divine Visionary Exam. An attack that could’ve turned deadly against anyone else.”

There he was. Domina Blowlive. Were the whispers about Innocent Zero only speculation? Or was there a connection between Domina and that infamous criminal organisation? Rayne asked just that. Orter answered without any display of emotions… but that wouldn’t last during their conversation.

“The matter is still under investigation,” Orter said with the implication that the investigation had already come to a certain conclusion he wasn’t allowed to share. “Apart from that, the culprit targeted a divine visionary who was regarded as being on the lower end of the magical skills required to become a visionary. That’s why I had you two brought here: not only have both of you shown that you have the strength to become visionaries yourselves, but you’re also seen as more capable than the Forest Cane had been.

“That makes you more rewarding targets with lower publicity in case you die.”

Up until that last word, Orter was a blank as an unwritten sheet of paper. Rayne had an easy time following along while digesting the dangerous situation he was in. He thought about how good a decision it was to keep Finn away from himself because this was exactly the situation that would’ve put a target on his younger brother’s back. Up until that last word, Rayne dealt well with everything that had happened today and everything that might happen in the upcoming weeks.

But then Orter… became angry.

For the duration of a single word – die – Orter became angry. He showed it through his throat for a second. It stiffened, just one side of it, barely pushing his Adam's apple up but for Rayne, that display of emotion hit hard… because it opened up the floodgates for all the emotions of the past day he had witnessed to assault him all at once.

The shock, disbelief, fear and uncertainty from the teachers and students he had been exposed to while being crammed into the Great Hall. The unified anger of everyone against the person who dared to attack their society like that. The haughty dismissal of the Forest Cane from some who accused the man of being too weak to hold that position…

By ignoring everyone, Rayne had pushed all those emotions behind a wall since the news broke out. He had successfully dealt with only his own the entire day. Now, in this tense conversation where he was face to face with three other people, the person he concentrated on, the person he knew should be emotionless and neutral and a balm to his nerves… emoted anger.

And suddenly, for Rayne, it became difficult to deal with all the other emotions from everyone else. Starting with Wahlberg and Margarette, and going backwards to Max, his classmates, his house, his grade, and everyone else he had seen that day. They all pressed down on him; his mind, his heart, his body.

The immense unease, especially around his stomach, which wasn’t too far away from making him puke, came about because Rayne had lived relatively stress-free the last few weeks. It was like his body had forgotten how bad his empathy problem could get and now he was crashing harder than he should’ve. Only because Orter–

‘No. This isn’t his fault.’

Orter was allowed to feel angry, sad or happy. He never agreed to become Rayne’s (un)emotional support visionary. He never even said that he was dispassionate like that all the time; that was just something Rayne assumed. It was his colleague who had been killed toady. Maybe they were even friends. The man was allowed to feel that; he had no obligation to keep himself in check because an orphan in front of him had trouble keeping a lock on his deteriorated mental state regarding something as natural and human as emotions.

Orter was allowed to feel after the Forest Cane was killed. Rayne was the one who had to deal with his issues on his own. He had no right to blame the other man for that. But then, another thought crossed his mind; one that put a stop to his failing control over himself…

‘…would Orter feel angry if I died as well?’

Chapter Text

It was that love-sick idiot that lived inside Rayne’s body that took control over his spiralling emotions for the moment. The day’s horrific news and everyone’s varied reactions to it were pushed to the side because this one question, tainted with his seemingly unending infatuation, materialised inside Rayne’s head; the one that had him wonder…

…if Orter would show emotions for him as well?

Unlike with his overactive and uncontrollable empathy problem (it was controllable when Orter…), Rayne was better at managing his love-tainted daydreaming. The question about Orter feeling anger if Rayne died, and feeling anything at all for Rayne, wouldn’t leave him alone for weeks, Rayne knew, but for their current secret meeting he would be able to put it in a box and concentrate on what was happening in front of him. They were still talking about a serious matter, one that threatened his life and consequently Finn’s future.

“So what do you recommend we do?” Margarette asked but before she did, she threw a glance towards Rayne, one eyebrow raised. Rayne believed himself to be a stoic person, even in stressful situations. But that reaction had him wonder how much he had slipped when Orter showed that little bit of anger for the duration of a single word. At least no one would be able to tell what exactly had him look… fearful? angry? desperate? for a minute because Rayne’s complicated inner workings would make any person willing to listen to him cry. Margarette, Wahlberg and Orter would most likely think that Rayne had only been distraught at the prospect of dying. Nothing more complex than that.

“One: Be wary of being attacked when you’re in a desolate place. Two: Keep an eye on unknown mages with high magical powers. Three: Keep an ear out for when students from Walkis are around.” Orter’s recommendations were concise and to the point, ensuring that both Domina’s possible involvement was covered without making him the sole suspect. The Forest Cane’s murderer could still be someone else.

But Rayne saw something behind those recommendations. Something that had to do with the hour and the way they’ve been called here.

“The reason why this meeting is so secret: you don’t want to clue the murderer in that we’ve been warned. You’re taking the risk that we might be attacked.”

“You’re correct.” Anyone else could’ve taken Orter’s way of handling this part of his investigation as an affront, a careless move that would keep two divine visionary candidates in unnecessary danger. But Margarette was too arrogant and sure of her abilities for that, the same as Rayne, while Rayne also understood where Orter was coming from. “I would rather have my attention on possible targets that I know of and who I know can handle themselves, instead of not knowing any possible targets at all.”

From everything he knew of Orter and how that man’s (mostly) emotionless mind worked, Rayne had deduced that exact thought process. It was just the most logical thing to do but it wasn’t what most people would be doing. It wasn’t a guarantee for anything either, but it was the best they could do with the little information they had at their disposal. Wahlberg was the only one who wasn’t fully on board with doing things the way Orter proposed, and he let that be known.

“That’s a callous move on your part, Divine Visionary Orter Mádl. If these two young mages are attacked, and God forbid, lose their lives, then wouldn’t you have to take responsibility for that?”

“I don’t see why, Headmaster Baigan.” Both Wahlberg and Margarette raised an eyebrow at Orter’s easy dismissal of that blame. Rayne was surprised at first as well, but after thinking about it for a second, he understood the angle of the argument Orter was using even before he explained himself. “Ames and Macaron have been warned. Any other person who might get attacked won’t have that warning. The rest is up to them. I see myself shifting the possible targets on their backs onto someone else as the actual irresponsible move.”

And the thing was, that shifting of targets would’ve been what most others in Orter’s position would’ve done because they would’ve seen Margarette and Rayne as people worthy of more protection than any unknown person and they would’ve seen the assignment of blame as the opposite.

“…very well. I see your point.”

They didn’t discuss much else in that meeting. Rayne and Margarette stood at attention while Orter explained minor details of what would be done on his and the Bureau’s end, and Wahlberg sat in his chair and gave occasional input.

And that was the fifth and indefinitely more serious and memorable time of Rayne meeting Orter.

It was strange how he couldn’t find his equilibrium with the man. When he first talked with him, Orter had infuriated Rayne by threatening to end his future as a divine visionary but because of his unique nature, Rayne had calmed down to maturely accept everything Orter threw at him. Then the Desert Cane was unexpectedly kind to him, did research for things no one asked him to do and seemed to have the spontaneous desire to help Rayne out more, even if it was with uncooked advice.

Then there was the moment when Orter had seen the injuries Domina had inflicted on him… the nice and warm touch through the handkerchief and the expectation that Rayne would give it back to him when he was a divine visionary, too.

That was the only other time Rayne had seen emotions play on Orter’s body and face; something to do with Domina and him inflicting injury on others... was there a broader reason for why Orter reacted like that? Or was it something personal?

Either way, it was the middle of the night, and Wahlberg was wishing them a good night and general safety. Orter did as well, which would’ve ended their secret meeting with Rayne and Margarette leaving the room first. But Rayne had half a mind to engineer some alone time with Orter. Make Margarette leave first, ask Orter a question, try to get out with him at the same time, hope that they would walk in the same direction…

Rayne was battling his inner desire to be closer to Orter on one side, and his fear of doing something dumb and embarrassing in front of multiple highly regarded people on the other. But before he could come to a decision, Orter pulled out a small magical artefact that Rayne recognised as a transportation device.

Of course, he thought, Orter didn’t fly to the school. The Desert Cane transported himself from the Bureau of Magic directly into this room and he would use the same magic to get back without anyone knowing about it. Rayne’s half-baked ideas about getting to talk with him in the hallway disappeared in smoke… but what did Rayne even think he could’ve achieved with that talk anyway? It wasn’t like he would’ve confessed his feelings to Orter. Rayne wasn’t ready yet to risk getting the rejection that would come his way. He was a coward in that regard.

He was also an idiot to still want to be close to Orter anyway. The pressure in his chest was coming back even while he turned around to leave on his own… but then…

“I have the official investigative report of Domina Blowlive’s attack on you. The judge tasked with reviewing the report hadn’t come around to do it until a few hours ago. Her judgment was anything but satisfactory, however.”

It was like the universe, which was mostly busy shitting on Rayne, had heard his cowardly cry. Orter called him towards the desk he was standing beside, while Wahlberg stood up with a big yawn to leave. Margarette said nothing more than a “I wonder what kind of incident could’ve motivated that judge to finish her job”, before opening the door and respectfully waiting for their headmaster to go out first before also leaving the room.

Meanwhile, Rayne went over to Orter and took the tightly pressed envelope that had the magic seal of the judge and the Bureau of Magic on it. He could barely concentrate on that report, however, when the door behind him fell shut, telling him he was alone with Orter now…

“Could a different and earlier outcome of this investigation have prevented the Forest Cane’s death?” Rayne had survived too much shit in his life, though, to just get tongue-tied because of nervousness. Some part of him was always aware, always on the lookout, always wanting to protect Finn, so talking competently even while he was in a less-than-ideal headspace had also always been a must for him.

(…sometimes, Rayne was this close to uncovering where his empathy problem came from. Being, at all times, hyper-aware of the emotions, the facial expressions, and every other kind of bodily movements of the people he encountered was his survival mechanism. One he was still functioning under. If only there were therapists around so that Rayne could finally reach that conclusion and work on its solution, instead of constantly falling short of it at the last moment.)

“If it was really Domina, no,” Orter replied as a matter of fact. “From everything I’ve seen and uncovered about that boy, he seems to have an irrational side to him. He might’ve found a way to attack someone even under surveillance, even at great risk to his standing. That’s beside the fact that powerful people run cover for his actions.”

Those were important things to know… if Rayne was able to care about them but he couldn’t because suddenly he realised something: Orter was telling him that in private, when it would’ve fit better into the conversation when everyone was still there. Did that… mean something? Or was Rayne interpreting too much into it? But regardless, and with his heart beating a bit too powerfully, Rayne seized the moment and opened up new topics of discussion with the man he couldn’t get enough of.

“It’s bad luck to say this openly, but not only have I achieved my third line years ago, I’ve also recently expanded my fighting arsenal after encountering someone with the Evil Eye. I’m confident that I’ll hold my own against the mage who attacked the Forest Cane.”

Rayne was bragging. He could say otherwise but 99% of the people he could’ve said that to would take it as bragging about his strengths. Except for Orter. Rayne was sure the Desert Cane would understand that he was only laying out the relevant facts that were vital to their problem. Facts one needed to consider for future decisions regarding himself and other enemies he might encounter.

But Rayne was also, definitely, without a doubt, bragging to the guy he was in love with. ‘Look! Look, how strong I am!’ was what he was doing there but with way more grace.

“I’ve read the report you wrote to Headmaster Baigan about your fight against Abyss Razor that happened at Abel Walker’s behest. Not many would’ve managed to hold their own against an opponent like that until they regained their magical powers. Your use of your summon as a shield against the Evil Eye was something I hadn’t heard of either. Was that a coincidence, or did you intentionally put your transformed wand between you and Abyss Razor?”

Outwardly, Rayne had himself under absolute and graceful control.

But on the inside, he was absolutely and gracelessly melting at the praise he received. When was the last time someone had talked so positively about his achievements? Was it years ago? Never? …all right, Wahlberg did praise him and everything he had accomplished in his life when Rayne started middle school, but that was different because he hadn’t liked the headmaster back then.

But with Orter…

“I didn’t go into detail about it in my report, but because the Evil Eye’s ability had hit me a few times, I had a good understanding of what exactly it did to disrupt my magic. When I summoned Ares’s partisan through my wand, I realised that it developed a similar magical core as the one every mage has inside their bodies. In the end, I didn’t know but I was reasonably sure that my summon would shield my magic from the Evil Eye even if it went back to its original form.”

Orter adjusted his glasses and said, “Well done,” making Rayne feel weak around his knees. If it ever came out how ridiculously love-struck he was, he might just throw himself out of a window out of embarrassment. For now, he had himself under control and continued their conversation with other topics, like how he had kept his part of the arrangement with Orter when it came to fighting less with the student body and/or the teachers.

At his remark that he partly achieved that because the people became more and more afraid of him, Orter told him that fear was a proven method of keeping order. When Rayne thanked him again for his help in regards to getting out of his classes, Orter said that it was his duty to provide that opportunity.

It wasn’t just Rayne who kept the conversation going, though. Orter, too, brought up new topics they discussed, like how Rayne’s birthday had come and gone with him being 17 for a while now. Rayne said that he doesn’t like birthday parties and that he was content with only his brother knowing and giving him a small cake. Orter agreed that big gatherings were pointless for most occasions and that most people didn’t know how to give useful or thoughtful presents to anyone, either.

And so on, they talked.

Before Rayne could blink, half an hour had gone past with them just standing in a random room beside a desk Orter sometimes leaned on. The… spell they were under (if Rayne was allowed to describe it like that) was only broken when Orter looked at his pocket watch at some point and remarked on how late, even borderline early, it was. He apologised to Rayne for keeping him up so long. Rayne immediately answered that it was no problem because school today started only in the third period for him.

Before anything could get awkward between them, before Rayne’s brain could activate the sceptical or distrustful parts of himself, they said their goodbyes with Rayne leaving through the door. Right after, because he wasn’t in a hurry to get back to his room, he felt Orter using the magical artefact to transport himself back to the Bureau of Magic and…

…that was it. The thing Rayne had hoped to get. The easy conversation, the relaxing atmosphere, the emotions that only belonged to him and not anyone else. Orter had not expressed any of his own emotions through his face, tone or body language, giving Rayne room to breathe and experience something that was a given to anyone else but severely exhausting for him on a normal day: a long and sometimes serious, sometimes not so serious but definitely fulfilling, talk.

Just a talk where he didn’t get a headache, or wanted to gnash his teeth half the time, or got cramps in his hands because he had to keep them from balling into fists constantly. Even if he liked the person he talked to, talking itself became torture for Rayne if it took too long because every laugh, every sad thought spoken out loud, every angry remark, just everything the person he talked to emoted, piled up more and more every minute and pressed down on his psyche.

Not here, not with Orter.

Rayne was reminded of an earlier thought, the one where he was sure that even if he wasn’t gay, he would’ve still loved Orter as a friend because of how good he felt around him. The most remarkable thing, however, was how it wasn’t Orter’s emotionlessness alone that made that possible. He could’ve been as emotionless as a rock but his character could’ve made it impossible to be friends. Instead, they just had a half-hour-long conversation about topics they were both interested in talking about and were interested in hearing the other’s opinion on.

One other thing that Rayne was now sure about, as well, was how Orter did show appreciation and interest in things and people, even though he was near perfectly emotionless about them. He wouldn’t have called Rayne to him otherwise, and he wouldn’t have talked with him for so long at three in the morning, either. Maybe the way Rayne described Orter in his head wasn’t completely accurate after all. Maybe Orter did have emotions, but he just wasn’t someone who expressed them in the typical way most people did. He didn’t emote anything (except that rare anger), but he was still feeling.

Maybe. Rayne wasn’t quite sure on that one yet. Orter might really lack emotional depth, like some of the… less fortunate figures Rayne had met on the streets during his childhood. People who had given up on life or decency; people who were depressed from hardship and neglect. Orter was too ambitious, though, to fall into that category of human.

Rayne slipped back into his room, past Max and all his bunnies who were soundly asleep in their little beds (except those two bunnies who were busy fucking in the corner of their three-story luxury bunny house (Rayne’s and Max’s room had become increasingly cramped as of late.)). With all that had happened during that secret emergency meeting because of the Forest Cane’s murder, Rayne couldn’t fall back asleep, though.

Scratch that; when it came to the murder, he barely cared one bit except for anything that could possibly lead back to Finn. The real reason why he couldn’t sleep was, of course, none other than Orter. Orter and the longest conversation they had until then. Hell, that was one of the longest conversations Rayne had in his entire life, when you excluded the ones he had been forced to participate in and the ones he had with Finn. Not even with Max had he managed one continuous conversation that lasted longer than 15 minutes without breaks.

So Rayne was back into being a love-struck idiot daydreaming about love. (Not that anyone seeing him lying on his back in his bed and looking at the dark ceiling would’ve been able to tell. That was, after all, the way he normally fell asleep or thought about his school work and magical abilities.)

There was no escaping his pounding heart and hot pressure in his chest; Rayne thought back to being alone with Orter just now, or he thought back to their first, their second and third meeting, all of them playing in a loop in his mind. He even went through the boring fourth meeting, the good parts of it, a few times, until the sun started to rise and the new school day started properly. Luckily, not for him for a while longer.

Max woke up and, after separating another pair of bunnies fucking in a corner, he reminded Rayne that everyone was obligated to go to breakfast in the Great Hall today. So they went, despite Rayne’s dislike of big gatherings like that. Today, though, he was as calm and unbothered as a peach by the extra anxious noises everyone was making because his conversation with Orter was still fresh on his unslept mind. Even Max commented on how well he was taking the atmosphere. Rayne simply said that he would kill the Forest Cane’s murderer if he dared step in front of him.

Everyone who heard him believed him.

Up until Rayne went back to his room, the last six something hours of his life had been one of the most stress-free, enjoyable and heart-warming he had ever experienced. He barely got two of those attributes on his best days. But everything came to an end at some point, and for Rayne, it did the moment he sat down at his desk to work on a textbook.

Max was off to his classes. Rayne was alone, devoid of any humans in his immediate vicinity.

It wasn’t like he crashed into a depressive spiral all of a sudden. Rayne was fine. Fine in the way he was most of the time when he had a normal day. He still had his numerous bunnies with him as well. Just that wonderful veil, shimmering green and gold, that had been wrapped around him until then, was lifted. Rayne went from being in love in a fantasy to being in love in reality; the reality where he was still fine, though. He wasn’t depressed.

That meant the sceptical and distrustful parts of his mind lit up, but Rayne was still able to properly sort them. The likelihood of Orter being a closeted gay man was low, but not zero. He did, after all, for whatever reason, keep Rayne back for a private conversation. That didn’t mean much on its own but it did mean something. But what?

When Rayne tried to find an answer to that question, his mind spiralled in all directions. The positives, the negatives; the hopeful, the pessimistic; the realistic. He couldn’t reach any kind of conclusion, however. Rayne realised that talking with someone about this might bring clarity to him. Not because the other person could’ve good insights; just the act of putting everything that was going on inside his head into words would help Rayne, too.

And later that day, he got the chance to do just that when Max came back.

But Rayne… still couldn’t bring himself to open up to his one best friend…

Chapter Text

Max was the one person in Rayne’s life who knew him the best while also not being intimidated by him the moment Rayne slightly disagreed with him.

(That was something Rayne should be working on, as it constantly happened with his brother, but he didn’t realise that it was a problem because he never disagreed with Finn due to ill-will on his part. He loved his brother; he would never harm him. Consequently, Finn’s reactions to him like looking away, drawing his shoulders forward, trembling and getting meek when Rayne disagreed about or objected to something Finn wanted, didn’t register on Rayne’s radar. At all.)

(Rayne had a giant empathy problem, but it was the total opposite when it came to Finn.)

“Rayne, is there something on your mind?” Max asked while checking their female bunnies for signs of pregnancy. (Not that any of them knew what they should be looking for.)

“Why do you ask?” Rayne replied, knowing full well that he was full of shit by not just saying yes when it was obvious he was brooding again, however much he wasn’t also depressed while doing that. Why was he so defensive? Why did he put Max on the spot? He already knew he didn’t want to talk about it, so he should say so without turning this back on the only friend he had who was just trying to care for him. “…yes. I’ve been thinking about something…”

“Wanna tell me what that is?” Max was still going through their bunnies; Rayne realised that it was the perfect task to do for Max so he wouldn’t crowd him with his face during this conversation.

“...no.” But no caution in the world would’ve helped Max in getting Rayne to talk. It was just… he would start talking about his crush when it was settled. When he had the absolute confirmation of being rejected or accepted for who he was. When he had dealt with the fallout of that on his own. It could take years, though…

…and it could be an easier road to take with a friend at his side, but this world wasn’t made for queers, or orphans or non-magicians, and any association with those people just brought you down. Rayne didn’t want that to happen to the ones around him. He wanted to lift them up instead, but the knowledge of your roommate being gay would be nothing but a burden on Max, just as it would be a burden on Finn.

Rayne was sure.

“…I’ll tell you another time,” was his answer in the end, the one that wouldn’t change for a long time when things went the way Rayne envisioned them to go.

“No problem. Take your time,” Max replied, encouragingly, but his disappointment, however much he tried to hide it, was like a slap in the face to Rayne. He wouldn’t change his mind, though.

(Rayne told himself that he kept everything about his sexuality and Orter behind locked doors for Max’s sake, but he also did that for selfish reasons. He feared that Max could react negatively to him coming out, or that he would be more than just an ear and influence him in his decisions going forward. Rayne had learned to never rely on others and to do everything himself if possible. If Max helped him now, he felt like he failed at dealing with this himself.)

Rayne felt guilty for not entrusting his emotional well-being to Max, but that feeling softened up soon enough when Max himself came to him a day later. He told Rayne, with admirable sincerity, that he should take his time before telling him deeply personal things. It wouldn’t be right to pressure him into saying something he wasn’t ready to talk about.

That wasn’t to say that Rayne wouldn’t make his life easier if he came out to Max, but sometimes, when you’re as troubled as Rayne, having full control over yourself was more important to your well-being than being open to someone else.

Besides, Rayne stopped having the time to think about Max.

Because Orter came back to Easton a few days later. Officially, this time.

Together with various other divine visionaries, the Desert Cane went to all three magic schools as part of the Bureau of Magic’s commemoration for the Forest Cane. The visionaries gave speeches to the entire school, and they had more intimate talks with all the classes later on. Orter seemed his usual self; even when talking about his colleague’s death, he didn’t have a slip-up of emotions.

But then came a moment of choice for Rayne: should he or should he not seek Orter out for a private conversation? Should he be sneaky about it? Should he talk with Orter while others were in the room to not make anyone suspicious? Or should he just casually have a short chat with the man in the hallways when he left one class for the next?

Problem was, Rayne was someone whose human contact dial had been broken a long time ago and no one ever bothered to fix it since. Most of the time, he only had extreme ways of dealing with someone, meaning he was either in an aggressive confrontational mode, or he avoided contact altogether except he really, really had to. If he had to, he kept any conversation on his part to an absolute minimum and played fox – ears up, mouth shut. He knew in his 17 years of life that that was both the easiest way to get people off his back and that it was the easiest way to actually listen to someone if he wanted to. When he barely talked himself, he could deal with other people’s emotions better.

What did that mean when it came to Orter?

It meant that Rayne barged into the classroom where the man was at the moment like he owned the place. Meekness with Rayne? Shyness? Caution? Didn’t exist. But he did make sure the students had all left the room before he went in. Orter was just packing up his stuff, ready to leave Easton for the day. Not for another half an hour if Rayne had his way.

“No one had the guts to ask you about the Forest Cane’s injuries; they only asked what type of magic it could possibly be, which you didn’t even answer. Tell me now.”

“Mister Ames,” Orter said while adjusting his glasses. He had been standing when Rayne came in, but now he put his papers and books to the side and sat back down at the teacher’s desk, his hands folded over his lap while he put one leg over the other. “I don’t remember you asking that question either when I was in your class.”

“I didn’t want to hear the commentary of the other students.”

“A problem you don’t have anymore as of right now.”

“No, I don’t.”

Like he owned the place, Rayne took one of the student chairs and unceremoniously, unashamedly, put it right beside the teacher’s desk to sit on it. Beside was the right word, too, as he skipped over the personal bubble he should be having with an older divine visionary who was also occupying the literal space of a teacher in that moment, to sit as close to him as possible. Rayne wasn’t behind the teacher's line of the desk, but he was sitting at its side, his chair partly angled past the edge of the desk in Orter’s direction.

This constellation but in reverse, was how they sat in that professor’s room during the divine visionary candidate interviews last year. Kaldo had been the one behind the desk and Rayne had sat opposite him. Orter had been the one sitting at the side and writing everything that was said down meticulously.

Orter wasn’t writing anything at the moment but he was eyeing the chair Rayne was sitting on for a few seconds too long. He had a good view of it while Rayne had a good view of Orter’s eyes. They were as sharp and mesmerising as ever. About Rayne’s boldness in sitting so close to him, Orter had nothing to say in the end, then he looked back at Rayne to tell him everything about the Forest Cane’s injuries with the thoroughness of an incident report no student should’ve had access to.

They were ante- and post-mortem, but it was difficult to determine which ones were which outside of the most obvious wounds. Most of the body of the Forest Cane had gone through a crush injury, making it difficult to make sense of most of what had happened. That massive crush injury was not unlike how Orter himself dealt with his opponents when he deemed them dangerous or deserving.

“In other words, water magic is one of the suspected magic types most likely used against him.”

“Correct. And that we didn’t find any residuals of any magic anywhere on the Forest Cane or inside the area their battle took place, tells me that the perpetrator had access to a special tool meant to absorb all free-flowing magic in its vicinity.”

“Doesn’t sound like something a random student should own.”

“Yes. That random student would need powerful backers at his side, most likely criminals. I checked the lists of all known magical items that could perform such a task, and I found the name of the most likely object. Unfortunately, that object had been stolen more than 20 years ago from the vaults of the Bureau of Magic.”

“Does it happen often? That objects get stolen from the Bureau? I heard some rumours about smuggling things like that while I still lived near the western coast.”

Orter looked at Rayne, who had just admitted to having been near crime like that, then he deliberately raised an eyebrow as a non-verbal answer before discarding his own reaction and answering Rayne’s question in his usual dry manner. For Rayne, that had been one of the most amusing things he had seen Orter do. This debate inside his head of how he should react to what Rayne said, choosing a gesture fitting his thoughts that most people would’ve used, and then throwing that gesture out of a window half a second after he used it because he didn’t like it, or he didn’t like the effort it needed to be employed in a conversation.

Since deciding to go to Orter to talk with him, Rayne had kinda forgotten his crush on the man because having that conversation needed his full attention. But now he was back to crushing hard because he liked to think that he occupied Orter’s mind as much as Orter occupied his. The man visibly went through a chosen facial expression he had most likely never used before, just to come to the conclusion that he didn’t want it. Rayne liked to think that he had made Orter want to explore new sides of himself…

…to show them to Rayne.

(He was still a love-sick idiot believing in fantasies, but piece by piece, he wasn’t so sure anymore about the fantasy part. Rayne wasn’t going crazy; these things were happening right in front of his eyes.)

Their conversation went on, going from one topic to the next, and even if they didn’t manage that seamlessly, both of them were willing to just start completely new topics of conversation, neither in a hurry to leave for a while. The idea of Orter teaching a three-month course in all three schools about the laws of their country came up and Rayne couldn’t have agreed faster that Orter should definitely do that, even though the reason for the idea was to get closer to Domina Blowelive.

At some point, Orter looked at his pocket watch, but unlike their secret meeting, this time it didn’t mean the end of them being together. Orter merely noted the time and went right back to talking with Rayne. They weren’t interrupted either because the school day was over, leaving this classroom abandoned until the night when the cleaning spells would take effect. This time, it wasn’t half an hour they talked in private; it was more than an hour before Orter had to leave to get back to the Bureau of Magic the broom way.

Rayne also explored a new side of himself today: the real limit to his conversation lengths. Not quite 50 minutes in with this one, and he started to get a tension headache despite talking with Orter in the calmest and most stress-free atmosphere he could get. That just showed Rayne that he was human, too, at the end. Even if he hadn’t had his give-and-take emotional problems, talking forever wasn’t for him. He was also human in the fact that he ignored his body’s signal to please take a break, to continue talking with his crush.

Now, with his head hurting for the last 20 minutes, their conversation found its natural end, and Orter stood up to leave. While Rayne put his chair back, Orter put his things in order and adjusted his glasses one last time before saying goodbye to Rayne. Rayne’s headache had its positive effects as well, as it gave him an anchor point to focus on during that goodbye; otherwise, he might’ve done something embarrassing with how heavy his heart started to beat.

Like with their second meeting in the garden, though, Orter turned around before saying one last thing to him.

“About the smuggling rumours you heard: the minister in charge of the Magical Items Department didn’t get her position through competency.” Also called nepotism, Rayne thought. “That is one of the positions open for the next divine visionary, depending on his or her academic strengths.”

That nearly sounded like Orter was suggesting something, but Rayne had other plans, actually, “I’m eyeing the title of the War Cane,” and he said it with the confidence of someone who could see the future.

Orter… for a second, his mouth looked like it twitched into a smile of all things, but Rayne hadn’t paid his mouth any attention, too focused on his eyes.

“That legacy title is indeed vacant and has been for years. It would also suit you well.” Rayne couldn’t believe how, from one moment to the next, his already heavily beating heart seemed to have packed things up to fly off to space. Getting praise from someone had never meant anything to Rayne because that praise had never given him something of value. But with Orter, it couldn’t have been more different.

“Titles and minister positions are different things, however.” Orter continued but Rayne was overwhelmed enough by the praise that he had trouble following him. Another new thing he explored about himself today. “The minister job that normally comes with the War Cane title, Captain of the Magic Security Forces, has been occupied by Ryoh Grantz for years. You would be assigned another position until the Light Cane retires from that one.”

However much Rayne was distracted by something, though, he was physically incapable of not keeping an eye and ear out for his surroundings. It took maybe two seconds longer than normal, but then he perfectly understood what Orter was saying to him. And he had his answer ready.

“If the current minister of the Magical Items Department is so incompetent at her job that magical items are constantly going missing to end up in the black market on the West Coast, then a new minister should take her place.”

Maybe or maybe not did his answer bring another smile to Orter’s face. Rayne couldn’t tell; his love had turned around before he was finished talking. What Orter said was just as important, though.

“Another thing I’ll hold you to.”

For anyone asking, Rayne would say that he had a good poker face.

That nearly every emotion he could ever feel – negative, positive, neutral – made him start to glare at everything that moved when he was in the presence of others, wasn’t something he thought about most days because he didn’t care. While he walked back to his room, every student he came across fearfully froze or bolted in the opposite direction from him. Good for me, Rayne thought. Others would’ve just ruined his exceptionally good mood that evening.

The only one he didn’t glare at was Max (or maybe he did glare at Max but his friend was simply the only student in high school who understood that Rayne didn’t mean to glare that much). Once he was back in his room, he greeted Max with a simple grunt and lay down on his bed to decompress for 15 minutes until his headache went away. It was an enjoyable time he spent thinking back to Orter but what else was new?

The fact that he maybe made Orter smile?

Rayne knew that Orter’s emotionlessness and professionalism had been the deciding factors for his infatuation with him to start. But since Rayne had to deal with the fact that Orter was more than an enchanted feather meant to do nothing but his ordered tasks, he kept on thinking and imagining…

It was a powerful, maybe even dangerous feeling, to believe that he had so much influence on Orter to make him smile. Rayne could get high on that feeling but he probably shouldn’t. Possessiveness and irrationality lurked behind things like that, but still, he could imagine.

“Someone’s in a really good mood right now,” Max said after Rayne sat up again from his decompression that took less time than he had anticipated. Rayne was just about to think up an excuse to tell Max about why he was so happy right now, when Max told him his guess which… turned out to be absolutely wrong. “So Sake is pregnant? We will finally get a few baby bunnies?”

“…what?” Rayne was thrown for a loop. He didn’t do much with his bunnies that day. “I checked on Sake around noon, but then I put her back into her house because there was nothing.”

“…so you’re saying you didn’t go out with her to the infirmary to make sure she’s really expecting babies?”

“…Max, that’s a really big assumption you’ve made there. Why did you think that? …Max, why the fuck did you think that?!”

“…so you’re saying that you haven’t been hiding pregnant Sake inside your coat since you came back here?”

“…”

“…”

With rising horror, Rayne and Max looked at each other, only one conclusion possible in the situation they were in: Sake ran away! And that many, many hours ago! Something bad could’ve happened to her in all that time! They checked their room and their bunny houses to make sure she wasn’t there after all, then they set out into the school with grim determination.

“She’s going to be all right!” Rayne said, daring the universe to contradict him.

“I’m so sorry!” Max said once again, casting spells on a map of the school so they could find their runaway as fast as possible. They wouldn’t rest until she was back with them, they swore, and at some point past midnight, they did find her at the edge of the school grounds near the forest…

…fucking some wild and ugly bunny like her life depended on it.

Rayne’s glare made those two bunnies freeze like death was upon them, then Sake and the newly named Absinthe came back with them. Afterwards, they both got an anti-fuck spell cast on them for causing so much trouble (the kind of spell where you couldn’t get close to the other bunnies anymore). But somehow, Sake was still the first bunny to get pregnant, as they later found out.

That episode of bunny chasing was anxiety-inducing but it also helped Rayne by making sure he wouldn’t have to talk with Max about his feelings. It was another situation that wasn’t completely fair to Max, but Rayne could live with it for now, or so he told himself. The next day, he still grabbed Max around his arm in a moment of vulnerability, though, and told him something about what was going on with him.

“I… I’m this close to getting what I wanted for nearly all of my life. Becoming a divine visionary will be the ultimate step to achieving my dreams. It won’t be the end but it will be something that’s going to push me forward immensely. It feels like, at least for now, it feels like I’m going to get them – my wishes – fulfilled.”

“And I’ll support you until the end.”

It wasn’t good for Rayne’s health that, for the second time in two days, his knees felt weak and his heart wanted to leap out of his chest. So this, this support, this encouragement, was what a friendship was? Rayne swore to himself that he would support Max just as much in the future; for now, this seemed one-sided.

But that friendship… it was, in a way, what he had with Orter. Problem was that the underlying emotions of it were romantic love. At least on Rayne’s end. How would Orter see it? Was Rayne too optimistic about their relationship as it was now and how it would evolve in the future? He wasn’t seeing things. There was genuine interest from Orter towards him but did he interpret that interest correctly?

What did Orter think about them?

His emotionlessness was what had drawn Rayne to him, but the flipside of it was that Rayne couldn’t gauge the man’s feelings on him except he decided to openly express them. What Orter had expressed until now was… companionship. But in which direction would it go?

Before Rayne had to think again about the box where he would seal his love in until his death, that question was unexpectedly answered by Orter just a week after they had met for the last time. It was a cool night under a star that brought a bad omen over the magical world; an omen marked by the mangled corpse of yet another victim of the Forest Cane’s killer. It was a mocking gesture, telling the Bureau of Magic and the divine visionaries that they would never catch him and that he would kill whoever he wanted, whenever he wanted.

Rayne was the very first person in Easton to hear about that incident thirty minutes after it happened because…

(…and he wouldn’t know the deeper connection this had to a man named Alex Elliot until much later…)

…Orter came to Easton in the middle of the night to check on him and his well-being.