Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Amy had always felt the need to be in control, especially when it came to her relationships and her career. But there was a part of her that longed to relinquish that control, even if she didn’t fully understand why. She wanted praise. Praise she fought tooth and nail for growing up. Praise that came from doing a good job. Captain Holt temporarily filled that hole. She doesn’t say how much it means to her. She doesn’t say how comforting it is when his hand strokes her back in the quiet of his office. A huge HR violation for sure, but it’s a rule she wanted to break and Captain Holt sure wasn’t hitting on her. She needs more of it. She wanted to follow Captain Holt home like a lost puppy but it reminds her too much of something Peralta would do and that stops her thoughts right on track.

She needed someone else to fill that hole.

That someone else is Rosa Diaz.

Every time Rosa spoke to her in that calm, no nonsense tone Amy felt a flutter of something inside her. A longing for Rosa’s strength, her care, and the unexpected warmth that seemed to come with it. Rosa never said anything. It drove her crazy. Rosa treats it as normal that she would sometimes lead her with a hand on the small of her back. That she checked in on her and made sure she wasn’t spiraling out of control.

She hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it. The overwhelming urge for Rosa to take control over her. She wants someone else to take control for a little while. Tell her it’s okay. Tell her what a good job she’s doing. Tell her how much they love her. You can only do so much by yourself. The freedom she craves slowly became a prison of self-reliance. She wouldn’t dare bring these feelings up on a date. So there were very few options to get this care from outside sources.

~~—~~

Amy had been fidgeting all day long. She had so much energy cramped up inside her that she couldn’t help but match Peralta’s golden retriever energy. She wouldn’t admit out loud but joking around with Jake makes her feel much better, much younger. Like they were two kids messing around with no consequences. They playfully bicker for practically the whole morning. She dodged when he threw one of her color coded paperclips at her. Blue, the color she used to categorize breaking and entering. She couldn’t help but throw one back at him. Yellow, the color she used for non-violent crimes. She gets him square at his collarbone and she feels a surge of victory over their mini paperclip battle. He sticks his tongue out at her like a child. The mindless game soothed her anxiety.

Once he left with Charles to an on-field assignment, her nervousness came back.
She stared at Rosa’s empty desk. She needed to ask her. Bad. Her heart pounded as she typed out a message to Rosa. She hesitated. Should she really tell her? Possibly embarrass herself for life?

‘Hey, Rosa, can we talk later? I have something on my mind.’

Amy sent it before she could second guess herself. It felt terrifying to put it out there but she needed to know if Rosa could take care of her in the way she needed.

Later that evening, when Rosa finally approached her desk, Amy could barely keep herself together. Rosa was as cool as ever, her casual stride a stark contrast to the storm swirling inside Amy. She stood at the edge of Amy’s desk, arms crossed, looking slightly puzzled but intrigued.

“You wanted to talk?” Rosa’s tone was casual, but Amy could hear the hint of curiosity in her voice.

Amy feels like her entire body is on fire. She couldn’t make eye contact but forced herself to meet her eyes. “Rosa, I- I don’t know how to say this, but I. I’ve been feeling something for a while. Something that’s hard to explain.”

Rosa’s eyebrow quirked. Still no change in her voice. “What’s going on?”

Amy took a deep breath. “I… I’ve been feeling this need, this desire to be taken care of. Not in a weird way! Well maybe it’s a little weird. Not that there’s anything wrong with wanting to be taken care of. Of course not in the hitman way but in a sorta motherly way. Forget I said mother! I mean-“

“Ames, get to the point.”

“I want to be cared for. I need someone strong, like you, to just take charge, to help me feel like I’m not going insane. I want someone I trust to take control and finally be able to let go.” Amy said out of breath. Her own revelation hitting her.

There was a long silence between them. The kind that felt like a vacuum, sucking up all of Amy’s hopes and leaving her exposed.

“Amy, I… I don’t know what to say.” Rosa’s voice was tight, “I get that you might be going through something, but I’m not sure I can help with this. I don’t think it’s appropriate.”

Amy’s heart dropped. She had known, deep down, that it wouldn’t work. Rosa had no interest in taking care of others. She wasn’t motherly. Amy projected her fantasy onto her and made up a different Rosa in her mind entirely. The real Rosa’s words took her out of that dream.

“I’m-” Amy swallows back her tears. It was already embarrassing enough to out herself like that, she didn’t need to start crying. “I’m sorry. I just thought maybe it was something we could explore.” Amy’s voice cracked, her chest tight with the weight of embarrassment and rejection. “I just wanted to ask. I didn’t mean to make things weird.”

Rosa’s expression softened slightly, but her decision remained the same. “I know you’re looking for something right now, but that’s not something I can give you. You’ll find someone who can. You’re strong. You don’t need anyone else to-”

“I know,” Amy interrupted, her voice barely a whisper. “I just thought. Maybe it would be different with you. I’m sorry.” She stood up quickly, her eyes welling with unshed tears, and tried to back away from the conversation. “I’ll be fine.”

Rosa stood there for a moment but then without another word, she turned and walked away.

~~—~~

Rosa had been thinking about that conversation for the past week. She mulled it over in her head. The way Amy looked at her. Full of hope only for it to be obliterated. She crushed that girl’s dream. Any idea of being motherly was smothered and replaced by the cold hard truth. It’s a weird thing to ask a coworker. Rosa had no reason to feel bad about rejecting her. She had no desire to take care of her like that and she didn’t know where Amy even got the idea that she would. It’s been a couple of days since they spoke to each other. It didn’t bother their work so no one said anything. Not until Holt assigned them to a case together and made a remark on to them to communicate with each other properly. Rosa held back rolling her eyes.

The car ride was tense. Amy didn’t look over at her and Rosa didn’t acknowledge it. They arrived at the crime scene to take notes. Rosa naturally put her hand on the small of Amy’s back. She flinched so hard, any onlookers must’ve thought she got tased. She quickly hurried away from her. Rosa curled her now empty hand. She didn’t realize how absentmindedly she touched Amy. She ignored the ‘good girl’ that came out of her mouth when Amy found evidence that was tucked away in a corner. She ignored how Amy’s usual reaction of a bright smile was now replaced with an uncomfortable scrunch. After they got witness testimony and all evidence marked up, they returned back to the precinct. Again, Rosa subconsciously guides Amy to the car. Which only causes Amy more distress. Yeah, she can see where she was sending mix signals.

Amy goes to Holt’s office to whine, of course. Once a teacher’s pet, always a teacher’s pet. Rosa pretends she’s not paying attention as Holt soothingly rubs Amy’s back. She pretends not to feel the jealousy creep up her spine as Amy relaxes when Holt talks to her.

“The way Holt rubs your back is disgusting.” Rosa said as Amy drops off her paperwork at her desk. Rosa doesn’t even look up from the work she’s doing.

“What?”

“It’s weird and inappropriate for a coworker. Something you grown accustomed to.” Rosa said mirroring their situation. If she could get Amy to be in the wrong, she didn’t have to think about why she felt so guilty. Amy said nothing. She let the dead air hang for a bit then spoke again “No response?”

Rosa finally looks up and regrets doing so. She doesn’t like seeing Amy so close to tears. She doesn’t like that she’s the cause of it.

“It’s the only thing that makes me feel good.” And that was the last thing she said to her.

They returned to their silence truce and Rosa never felt worse.

Chapter Text

Amy looked so stressed. She looks lost and overwhelmed at the paperwork sprawled all over her desk, invading some of Peralta’s space and mixing with his mess. Rosa felt the unfamiliar urge to hold her and tell her everything will be alright. The conversation they had stuck in Rosa’s brain and it started liking the idea of taking care of Amy. She could imagine holding Amy on her lap, telling her she did a good job and how proud she was of her. Instead, she sits at her desk across the bullpen watching Amy struggle.

Jake comes chaotically crashing in from his latest work assignment. The desk rattle with the force he stumbled onto it. Some paper work fell to the floor and it looked like Amy would break down any minute. He excitedly tells Amy what awesome new case he just solved until he looks at her face and sees that she’s too worried to listen. Jake, not being a coward, pulls her into a hug. He holds her close and Rosa can see some of Amy’s stress leave her body. Amy melts into the hug, gripping onto Jake's sides in an unprofessional manner. Jake would never care about his clothes being wrinkled so he accepted the embrace. It made her feel weird that she’s getting riled up over something she would never do in public.

It wasn’t like Rosa was inexperienced at care. Rosa took care of Jake whenever he got sick while they were at the academy together. Jake was so full of energy it was like looking after the human version of an overactive dog. Amy would be so much easier in comparison. Of course Jake can’t take care of her full time. He has his own problems and probably needs his own babysitter to help him through.

After work Rosa strides to Amy’s desk. Peralta was sitting next to her leaning his chair so far back, it was only a matter of time til he fell. They were talking until Rosa came in front of them. Jake, being ever so deductive, made the decision to leave without being asked so. He rubbed Amy’s back before he left and Rosa felt the jealousy creep up in her again.

“So you let anyone rub your back.” Rosa said before she could stop herself. Amy’s face immediately sours.

“I’m not in the mood to be berated Rosa.” She said gathering up her things. Rosa grabbed her arm and Amy tensed up like she was about to hit her.

“Sit down.” That was a bad start. Amy lowered herself back onto the chair. She glanced between her and the door. Calculating if she can make a run for it. “I want to.” Rosa finally said. Amy’s eyes snapped up and met her. Rosa felt a twinge of disappointment that they were no longer filled with hope and admiration. She shouldn’t be, she’s the one who crushed out that light. “I want to take care of you.”

“What?”

“It stupid but I’ve been thinking about it.” Amy doesn't say anything. Instead gawking at her like she spoke a different language. “If you don’t want me to-“

“You made me feel like shit.” Amy interrupted. “You made me feel weird about asking for you and then you continued like nothing happened.”

“I didn’t mean to. It was a weird thing to ask. I didn’t even know I was leading you on like that til you told me.”

“Why now? Why the sudden change of heart? What happened?”

“I want to be the one to take care of you. Holt can’t do it. Peralta shouldn’t.”

“You got jealous?!”

“I don’t get jealous. I saw you were getting your needs half filled and I don’t half ass things.”

“You’ll fulfill my needs?” Amy blushed hard red.

“Anything you want nena” Rosa leaned dangerously close and Amy’s breath caught in her throat. She knew that word would trigger the response she wanted. Amy definitely wasn’t being called baby girl by anyone else, especially not in her native tongue.

Rosa led her out of the precinct with her hand comfortably on the small of her back, where it belonged.

~~—~~

“So taking care of me?” Amy asked as they were back at her apartment. Both girls sat on her couch as they figured out how the beginning of their relationship would start. Rosa talked a big game but Amy wasn’t so sure that she could deliver. Of course Rosa was a quick learner and could perfect anything if she put her mind to it. Amy was sure that Rosa could lull her to sleep with just a few words, but the way she initially reacted to Amy’s request got her worried. She’s worried that the jealousy would wear off and Rosa would be disgusted with her again.

“Just the basic stuff,” Rosa continued like Amy wasn’t stuck inside her own head. “Making sure you eat, drink water and get enough sleep.”

Amy huffs. “I can do all that stuff by myself.”

Rosa raises an eyebrow at her. She didn’t expect her to be defiant at her care. “And what stuff did you have in mind?”

Amy turns red at the challenge. “Stuff I can’t do by myself. Being cuddled, someone stroking my hair, getting a bath.”

“You can’t give yourself a bath?”

“I can’t rub my back.”

“Your back?” Rosa said as it came up again. She noticed that she goes to Holt to get her back rubbed as he talks her down.

“I don’t know. It’s sensitive I guess.”

“Do you want to try the bath right now?”

Amy gawked at her. “You want the first thing we do together is the one situation where I’m naked?!”

“You’re the one who mentioned it.” Rosa shot back at her. She calms herself down once she realizes that she was supposed to be comforting her. “You’ve been waiting for someone to actually take care of you, I don’t want to take baby steps.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah, you’re right. I want this. I trust you.”

Rosa's breath caught in her throat this time. Amy looked like a scared lamb that saw sunlight for the first time, scared and confused but welcoming the warmth. Rosa gently guides her to the bathroom. She glides her hands over Amy’s shoulders.

“Is this okay? Can I take this off for you?”

Amy rapidly nods her head yes. Rosa slowly slides her hands down her torso to the bottom of her shirt. She lifts the garment off her body. Amy shivered as the cold air hit her. Rosa kisses her shoulder as she turns on the water.

“Do you want a bath or a shower?”

“Bath please.”

She nods her head. Rosa plugs the tub up and returns her attention back to her girl. Amy had her hands covering her chest. Both in shame and from the cold. Amy grips the front of Rosa’s shirt as she tugs her pants down. She whines when she has to let go. She slides her pants down til she’s kneeling in the ground helping Amy out. Rosa loosely holds the waistband of her panty.

“Are you ready?”

“I don’t know if I can do this” Amy answers truthfully. She’s half naked in front of her coworker. It’s inappropriate and she wishes that she listened to Rosa the first time and didn’t do this. Rosa felt a twinge of regret as she already planted the seed of doubt in Amy.

“That’s okay. Do you want to continue?” She nods her head “You can go in the tub with your underwear on. If you want to remove them later I’ll help you.” Amy nods her head again.

Rosa checks the temperature of the tub and once it was to her satisfaction, she helped Amy inside. It felt weird having her undergarments stick on her. It made her skin feel icky. Rosa proceeded to wash her. She massaged the shampoo into her hair. She rubs down to her shoulders, then slowly down to her back and Amy whimpers. She doesn’t go too far down her body. She already freaked her out before and Amy wasn’t in the best mood because of it. Rosa really shot herself in the foot with this. This was too personal of a task and they’ve barely started talking to each other again. She stops the bath early seeing this wasn’t getting anywhere.

“Do you want me to help you get dressed?”

“No, thank you. I want to do it by myself.” She said. She appreciated the offer but it was too soon. Rosa nodded her head.

Once Amy was changed into her pajamas, Rosa tucked her into bed. Rosa sat next to her, still dressed in her work clothes. Amy falls asleep quickly as Rosa gently strokes her head. She sighs as she leaves Amy and goes back to her apartment. The night could’ve gone better if Rosa's knee jerk reaction wasn’t to push Amy away when she was vulnerable. Amy was ready for this when she first asked, now it’s gonna take time to build back her trust.

Chapter Text

Over the next couple of weeks, Rosa has been trying to prove to Amy that she could take care of her. Which was odd since Rosa never felt the need to prove anything, but this time around she wanted to. She made Amy feel weird about being vulnerable around her and she needed to let her know it was okay. It started off with little things. Rosa reminding Amy to take breaks, to not get so worked up over little things.

One evening, Amy had stayed late at work, hoping to finish some case files. The precinct was quieter than usual. It was before the night shift came in and after the day shift left. It was comfortably silent as Amy tried to get a handle on her work.

Rosa came back in even though she left for home over an hour ago. Her usual confidence was occupied with a softness that Amy hadn’t expected.

“You’re still here?” Rosa asked, “You’ve been working nonstop for hours. You need a break.”

Amy looked up from her papers, a little surprised by Rosa’s sudden appearance. “I’m almost done,” Amy replied, trying to sound more confident than she felt. She was clearly tired, her head aching from the strain, but she didn’t want to admit it.

Rosa just shook her head, “No, you’re not. You’re running yourself ragged, Ames.” Before Amy could respond, Rosa’s hand gently cupped her shoulder. “Put down the papers, the world won’t end if you turn this in tomorrow.” Rosa said, her voice firm but soft. Amy blinked, feeling a strange sense of relief. She opened her mouth to protest, but the words never came. Rosa was already taking the stack of papers from Amy’s hands and gently lifting her out of her chair.

Rosa’s calm authority felt like a blanket around Amy. She felt her body relax. She didn’t argue. She followed Rosa out of the precinct back to her home.

~~—~~

After the initial hurdle and some awkwardness, their relationship grew closer as they spent more time together. What started as a simple need for reassurance was turning quickly into something more. They developed their own routine. Rosa started hanging out at Amy’s apartment almost daily. She practically moved in, she even had space in the closet. She bought groceries, slept over constantly, and also completely took over the cooking. Even when Amy protested that she could cook, Rosa stated that she couldn’t.

Amy couldn’t complain. Especially when Rosa holds her in her lap and lulls her to sleep almost every night. Amy felt calm around her. She hadn’t felt this way since she was a child. She only got this feeling before with Jake while they messed around and had their competitions. The more Rosa gave her that soft, nurturing attention, the more Amy craved it. Rosa definitely seems to notice. Sometimes purposefully treating her like a child. Amy didn’t realize how close she was to the truth of what their situation would turn into.

After a particularly grueling week, Rosa had come over to Amy’s place for a quiet evening. They’d ordered food, cuddled, and talked for hours. It was a typical night, but Rosa had other ideas.

“You look tired, Ames,” Rosa said, looking at Amy with that familiar gaze. But there was something different this time. “Why don’t you lie down for a bit?”

Amy nodded. She hadn’t question what Rosa was doing any other time, she doesn’t start now. She lied down on the couch. Rosa tucked a blanket around her. Amy sighs contently as she slips deeper into the couch and the oddly familiar floating feeling she had lately. She closed her eyes. Rosa left the room but Amy didn’t question it. Not until Rosa was standing above her

“I brought you something,” Rosa said, her voice low and almost hesitant. Amy opened her eyes, confused, but before she could respond, Rosa stepped forward with a stuffed animal in hand. It was a soft, plush bear. Cute, but out of place in Amy’s apartment.

“What’s this?” Amy asked, half-laughing, half-confused.

Rosa didn’t answer at first. She simply sat on the couch beside Amy, her eyes studying her carefully. “I want to take care of you Ames,” Rosa said gently. “In any way possible.” For a moment, Amy’s chest tightened. Was this really happening? Was Rosa, the woman who rejected the idea of taking care of Amy in the first place, really trying to treat her like a child? The idea was so foreign, so bizarre, but somehow, it also felt… right. Rosa’s hand rested on Amy’s head, softly petting her hair. “I know this is a lot, but I need you to relax.”

Amy’s breath hitched. She wanted to protest, laugh it off, tell Rosa she was being ridiculous. But the truth was, deep down, she was so tired of always being the one who had to handle everything. Amy had spent her entire life taking control, solving problems, being the responsible one. The thought of Rosa taking over felt like a gift. Rosa lifted Amy gently into a soft, cradling position as she placed the stuffed bear in Amy’s arms. Amy held it instinctively, feeling the softness of the fabric against her fingers. It was absurd. It was embarrassing. But for the first time in ages, Amy felt like she could rest.

“Just relax, I’ve got you,” Rosa said. Amy, feeling the weight of exhaustion and the unfamiliar security of the moment, closed her eyes, and drifted off to sleep.

~~—~~

Amy woke up well-rested and cocooned in her blankets the next morning. She felt so relaxed and content she didn’t even realize she was snuggling into a teddy bear instead of Rosa. Then it hit her all at once what happened last night. The teddy bear, the babying, the undoubtable softness Rosa has been showing her the past weeks. How could she not have seen this before? Rosa subtly treats her like a child and it took her this long to figure it out. So much for being a great detective. Amy stumbles out of the blanket cocoon to confront Rosa about this.

“What was that?” Amy asked as soon as she laid eyes on her target in the kitchen. Rosa was making breakfast in just an oversized t-shirt and Amy had to use all her willpower to focus on her questions.

“What was what?” Rosa asked, brushing off her question. Amy tried not to lose whatever sense of control she had in this situation.

“Last night! You. You. You gave me a stuffed animal! You treated me like a child!”

“I was trying to see if you go into little space.”

She said the sentence so casually like Amy should've known what that meant. Amy stared at her, trying to absorb her words. “What!?” Her brain failed her.

“There were signs. Maybe something you don’t naturally fall into but something you would definitely be into.” Amy gaped at her. Now was the time to have more information. Rosa sighs and puts down the pan. “Age regression. Sometimes when people are under too much stress or as a response to trauma, their minds would temporarily regress to a younger state of mind. It’s an actual therapy technique.”

“You’re not a therapist.” Amy pointed out.

“I’m not…” Rosa said, walking closer to her. “But that doesn’t stop me from thinking that you would benefit from something like that. We were already halfway there. I just gave you a little push. You accepted quite nicely too.”

Amy blushed red. “Where did you even hear about this?”

“I done some stuff.” She shrugged. Every time Rosa revealed something about her past she always shrugged it off, no matter how outrageous the story was.

“You what!”

“I was the caretaker. Guess I always have been.” Rosa scoffed at the memory.

Amy stared at her in shock. The silence in the kitchen grew as Rosa waited patiently for her response.

“You still made me feel weird.”

“Huh?” That wasn’t the words Rosa expected. The heat bubbled up in Amy’s chest as the emotions came tumbling out of her. No longer caring about confronting Rosa about her treatment. The new information felt like a bee sting that started to swell up underneath her skin. It was uncomfortable and horrible as it spread all throughout her body.

“You made me feel weird asking for this and you already did something similar?” Amy said on the verge of tears.

“Amy, no, you don’t-“

“Was it me? Am I that disgusting to you that your first reflex is to reject me?” Her face flush red as tears started to fall. “Am I not good enough?“

“Amy, no stop.” Rosa closed the distance between them and held her face. Seeing Amy break down freaked her out. “Nena look at me. It wasn’t about you. I haven’t done this in a long time and I didn’t expect it to happen again. Last time it got bad. The person I took care of didn’t like that I had a life outside of them. I hated that feeling. I like my privacy.”

Amy seems to accept the answer as the feeling of inadequacy starts to die down. She rests her head on Rosa’s shoulder. She tried to stop the tears that fell and quietly sniffled. Rosa stroked her back while Amy rested on her. Rosa knew she messed up. Tossing Amy into the deep end of age regression while not having a proper talk about it was bound to lead to some explosion. She didn’t expect Amy to quickly demean herself at the first sign of rejection, even if that rejection was weeks ago.

She really needs to stop sabotaging their relationship.

Chapter Text

Age regression is a psychological phenomenon in which an individual reverts to a younger state of mind, either intentionally or involuntarily…
A lot of outside factors can trigger a relapse to previous development stages such as stress, mental health problems, or trauma…

Amy has been reading those words over and over. The information started swirling together after the course of several articles. It almost made her feel sick. She didn’t consider herself to have any of those things. Her childhood was average, being the only girl among her brothers was rough but not traumatic. Her job wasn’t that stressful. She had everything categorized to the letter, would a stressed person be able to do that? Of course she didn’t have mental health problems. Her parents once yelled at her English teacher when they suggested that she should see a therapist after reading a short story she wrote, but she pushed that memory down.

She closed the laptop. Her eyes burn from how long she’s been staring at the screen. She’s been researching this topic ever since Rosa uttered those words. The concept of age regression. The idea didn’t seem bad, but it feels all too raw, too soon. It feels like it was a part of herself that she hid for so long was being yanked out of her. The urge to be nurtured and taken care of. Rosa was coming over again tonight and she had the sneaking suspicion that Rosa would bring it up again. She didn’t know where she stood on the issue. There was a part of her that was excited that she finally gets to relax and have someone coddle her. There was another part that hated the idea of losing control. She took a few deep breaths to calm herself down. A small voice in the back of her head whispered that she should let Rosa decide, and that made her feel even weirder than before.

~~—~~

Later that night, Rosa came over with more preparation for the next step of their relationship. Amy had been sitting on the couch, watching TV to busy her mind, when she heard the familiar sound of Rosa knocking at her door. As soon as Amy opened it, Rosa was standing there, a bag in hand, a sly smile on her face.

“You look like you could use some care tonight,” Rosa said, her voice light and teasing. It made Amy feel weird. Rosa was never this giddy around her and she felt like she’s in a weird dream. A dream that only comes from being in the sun too long or having one too many drinks.

Amy stepped aside to let Rosa in, her heart pounding. She had no idea what Rosa was planning and how far she wanted to go. In all her research Amy found a variety of what people would do during little space. Some ideas appealed to her but some things felt too far out of her comfort zone. Even though Rosa never officially committed to being her caretaker, part of her was beginning to suspect that age regression was going to become a permanent fixture in their dynamic.

Rosa set the bag down on the coffee table and began pulling out items. It was tame at first. A small baby blanket with simple embroidery. The white teddy bear that Amy couldn’t admit she was glad to see again. Both things that brought her comfort that were still in the realm of reasonably childish. But the next items started turning more baby-esque. A clear baby bottle and a dark pink pacifier. No doubt crossing the line into full age regression territory.

Amy froze. “Rosa?”

Rosa looked at her, her expression soft but firm. “I know this isn’t what you imagined when you said you wanted to be taken care of. But I’m giving you the chance to fully let go, Amy.”

Amy’s heart raced. This was it. She had never imagined that it would go this far. For a moment, she wanted to call off the whole thing. She wasn’t a baby. She wasn’t some child who needed to be coddled. She was an adult, a capable woman. But the exhaustion, the constant pressure of being in control, the desire to be taken care of: the feelings crashed against each other making her feel sick.

“Rosa…” Amy whimpered, suddenly overwhelmed by the reality of the situation. “It’s too much. I don’t know if I can do this.”

Rosa gently cupped Amy’s cheek, “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to Ames. I’m suggesting this because I think you will like it. Just trust me.”

Amy hesitated, looking at the pacifier. The idea felt foreign, the thought of allowing herself to feel so small was overwhelming. But something in the way Rosa was looking at her was starting to melt her defenses. She took the pacifier and hesitantly placed it in her mouth, feeling a strange comfort wash over her. Rosa smiled softly. She kissed her cheek before she set up for the evening. Rosa arranged the living room with all the items she decided they were going to use tonight. She set up a cozy little spot on the couch with soft blankets and pillows. Amy sank into the softness of the blanket, the plushness of the stuffed animals surrounding her.

“Good girl,” Rosa murmured, her voice low and soothing. “Just relax. I’ve got you now.”

Rosa shifted her, settling herself behind Amy, making sure that she was cradled. She reached over and picked up the bottle that was now filled with milk. She gently took the pacifier out of her mouth. She lifted Amy’s head, placing the bottle against her lips. Amy opened her mouth instinctively, allowing the warm milk flow into her mouth. As she drank, she felt herself sinking further into that sweet, protected space. Rosa’s hand continued to stroke Amy’s hair as she drank. “You’re doing so well, Ames. You’re such a good girl for me,” Rosa murmured, her voice low and soothing.

Amy blush bright pink. The feeling of being cared for like this was something she had never expected. She felt like she was floating. When the bottle was finished, Rosa placed it back on the coffee table. She gave Amy the fuzzy bear, which Amy instinctively hugged close to her chest. It felt natural. The gentle rhythm of Rosa’s hand on her back and the safety she felt in her presence were enough to make everything else fade away. Rosa adjusted the blanket around her, pulling it a little tighter to keep her warm. Her hand caressing the back of Amy’s neck in slow, deliberate strokes. She plopped the pacifier back into her mouth.

“Thank you,” Amy whispered, the pacifier subtly muffling her words. Rosa’s arms tightened around her, holding her close.

Amy let the warmth and safety envelop her, a small, peaceful smile curling at the corner of her lips as she drifted off into a deep, untroubled sleep.

~~—~~

The night was peaceful, with the faintest sounds of the city outside the window. It was late now, and Amy was curled up against her side, clutching the soft stuffed bear that Rosa had handed her. The pacifier was still gently resting in Amy’s mouth, a sign that she slipped into that little space that Rosa had promised to guide her through. Rosa wasn’t in the most comfortable position to sleep. Since she was sitting up, holding all of Amy’s weight on her. But she didn’t dare move so as not to disturb her. So while Amy was sound asleep, Rosa’s mind was wide awake.

She forgot how much she liked playing the role of caregiver. It wasn’t something she explored all that often. The first relationship where she fully committed to the role left her drained. From then on she took care of others in a cold distant way. Never once acknowledging that she’s done so. She never wanted to fully commit to someone else ever again. This felt natural. Amy, wouldn’t obsessed over her. She still had the instinct to be independent. She just wanted someone to lighten the mental load around her and Rosa was happy to help. Jake once drunkenly called her mom. Mostly as a joke, but there was a bit of truth in there. The idea of being a mom had never appealed to Rosa in the traditional sense. She wasn’t interested in babies or toddlers or the conventional roles that others might associate with the term. But she couldn’t deny that she gravitated towards making sure everyone is safe.

Rosa’s fingers brushed the pacifier resting between Amy’s lips. Amy snuggled deeper into her arms, her hand grasping the stuffed bear as though it were the most important thing in the world. Rosa could feel Amy's chest slowly rise and fall as she cuddles closer to the heat radiating from her body. A comforting rhythm that told Rosa just how much trust Amy had placed in her.

This was their dynamic now, and Rosa realized, with a certain clarity.

Chapter Text

Weeks have passed since Rosa and Amy established their dynamic. Amy never knew how physically affectionate Rosa could be. She never complained about the cuddling and the constant attention Amy needed. True to what Rosa said previously, before they were an item, she considered age regression as a form of therapy that a person can perform to soothe themselves from the daily stresses of the world. There was a lot of talk of what it was like for Amy growing up. Which was weird, but not unpleasant, for both of them. Amy never thought of Rosa being so emotionally in-tuned while Rosa never saw how lonely Amy was. As much as Rosa probed her for more information, she hated hearing about how Amy grew up. During working hours, Amy never revealed how growing up with six brothers truly affected her. Being the only girl in the family forced her into a more mature position than a child should have been in. She was held responsible for brothers’ actions, even if she couldn’t do anything about it. If her younger brothers got bad grades, she was blamed for not helping them study. If her older brothers didn’t cook or clean, she was told she should pick up the slack.

Every little new thing learned about her made her feel bad for ever joking about her. She hated learning about this, but she needed to know what Amy was comfortable with and what was off limits. Rosa wanted to know the usual boundaries, including if Amy would be willing to go into little space for longer and if punishments were available for times she was acting out of line. She could see Amy’s stomach sink at the thought of being punished, especially in such a vulnerable state. Time-outs were a big trigger for Amy, her parents forced her to be locked in a closet unlike the usual methods of standing in a corner. Rosa hated explaining how that wasn’t what a time out was. Amy was on the verge of little space when this was discussed and couldn’t understand that how she grew up wasn’t normal.

Everyone was punished like this, right?

Rosa felt nauseous at the simple question. She grew to care for Amy, not only as her friend, but as her baby too. Rosa vowed to replace the childhood Amy suffered through with the childhood she deserves.

She considered their first months to be very successful. Amy was becoming more and more comfortable with being cared for. Even if discussing the details of regression made her whole face red. A new level of their relationship was reached one night, when Amy snuggled deep into the fabric of Rosa’s shirt and muttered the word mama. Veering on the edge between little space and her adult headspace, there’s a good chance Amy didn’t even realize she announced the word, but Rosa heard it loud and clear. There was a buzzing in her chest from the excitement. She spent days making sure Amy was comfortable enough to fully let go into little space, to trust her so completely in her most vulnerable moments. It was a victory that Amy submitted to her and the comfort she supplied. Rosa gathered her closer to her chest after hearing the word. Amy was already half asleep on her that night.

The next morning Rosa was too giddy to spend time with her baby. She could tell from the signs she’s been studying over the nights she spent over when Amy would wake up in her little headspace, and today was another one of those soft, relaxing days Rosa grew to love.

“Hey baby,” Rosa gently said to her. Amy’s eyes didn’t open yet but Rosa can tell from her movements she was wide awake but still sleepy. She slipped her hands over the soft fabric her pajamas were made of. They were much thicker than the pajamas Rosa wore to keep her warm through the night. She hasn’t convinced her of footie pajamas yet but it was a future option seeing how cold her baby gets. Amy mewls sleepily and snuggles into the warmth that Rosa is providing. Rosa feels a tingle of excitement that Amy now naturally snuggles into her without any prompting. “I’ll get you some breakfast nena,” Rosa offered but Amy quickly curled her fingers into her shirt when she tried to pull away.

“Bottle,” she requested quietly and Rosa couldn’t be any happier that she got Amy so engulfed into the relaxation of little space that she fully embraced it.

“Of course baby.” Rosa leaned down and kissed her forehead. She couldn’t suppress her smile as she admired the girl currently pressed against her. “Whatever you want.”

While Rosa is strong she doesn't exactly have the strength to carry around a full grown woman on her hip as she moves around in the kitchen. She had to settle with picking up Amy and setting her down on one of the dining room chairs so she would still be close enough to her to see that she hasn’t left her. Amy looked grumpy that she was sitting by herself at the table but Rosa thought she never looked cuter. Her cheeks slightly puffed out while her bottom lip stuck out in a pout. She wants to pinch those cheeks to a subtle rosy pink.

“Here’s your bottle baby,” Rosa said, presenting the bottle in front of her. Amy looks at it almost distastefully. Rosa worried that maybe she changed her mind but Amy tugged at the end of her shirt and pointed over to the couch. Rosa breathed a sigh of relief as she realized that Amy wanted the bottle to be fed to her. “My mistake, you’re too small to hold the bottle yourself.” Rosa teased and she finally got to pinch the cheeks of her girl.

She led her over to the couch and before she could even get into a comfortable position for both of them, Amy started suckling on the nipple of the bottle. Rosa quickly adjusted her to get the full range of the bottle. “Someone is hungry today.” Rosa observed out loud but Amy didn’t acknowledge it. She drank the warm milk until there was nothing left. Amy’s eyelids drooped close. “Aww, is my baby sleepy again so soon?” Rosa teased but Amy nodded her head and wrapped around her.

“Please don’t make me do any chores.” She asked against the fabric of her shirt.

“Course not baby.” She said unsure. Rosa had a hard time calculating what timeframe Amy regressed to. She enjoyed being treated like a baby: with soft music, snuggles, being bathed and fed. But she often held the anxiety that she has to repay her in some way. It took her a while to get Amy to let go of her adult responsibilities for more than three hours. “Your job is to stay here with me.” Rosa said, holding her closer to her chest. She figures once Amy got fully comfortable that she would stop anxiously expecting work to do.

Rosa held in her laughter as Amy seemed to fall asleep on her not even one hour after she woke up, just like an actual baby. Her eyes drooped closed once again, but she didn’t actually fall asleep. Much to the relief of Rosa, who was worried that Amy felt sick and wasn’t telling her. She whines with her eyes screwed shut. It was difficult to be comfortable mentally. Amy sometimes had a hard time switching over from her hefty workload to resting without any stimulation.

“Can you tell me what you need?” Rosa asked. Amy was a very quiet little and their relationship was too relatively new for Rosa to understand how old Amy was when she regressed, or if she was willing to speak. Amy scrunched her face and held onto her tighter. “Do you want some tv then?” Rosa tried to guess what would make her feel better. Her little nods her head against her chest, so Rosa grabbed the remote and turned the tv on. She made sure to get a kid’s channel suitable to her little’s headspace. Amy turns and watches the tv with interest. The screen filled with colorful cartoons on their nonsensical adventures. Rosa gently patted her baby’s stomach in a slow, gentle rhythm. “I’ll take care of you whatever way you need.” She whispered into her ear. Amy nodded her head and held her hand closer. Rosa loved how sleepy Amy would get around her. It showed her full trust in her not only as her friend but as her caretaker.

Chapter Text

Rosa had known Jake for far too long not to notice when he's putting up an act. Emotions weren’t Rosa’s strong suit and if it were a few months ago, she wouldn’t even try to figure out what’s wrong with him. But ever since Amy trusted her to take care of her, the itch to take care of others grew. It had started innocently enough. The squad was hanging out at Shaw's after a particularly intense week at the precinct. As usual, Jake was cracking jokes, keeping the mood light with his incessant banter. But Rosa could tell something was off. Jake was a little more withdrawn than usual. It wasn't typical Jake behavior and Rosa knew that something else was going on. Towards the end of the night, when the bar was almost empty and it was just them, Jake finally cracked.

“You know, I think I’m just exhausted,” Jake said, glancing down at his drink, his fingers tracing the rim of the glass. “I don’t know. It’s just been a lot lately. I feel like I’m always... always on, you know?”

"You’ve been acting weird for weeks now, man. What’s going on? It’s more than just a tough case, right?"

“I. Uh.” He mutters, not knowing how to explain himself. “I guess I’ve been in my own head.“

“Jake, talk to me. We’ve been through way worse together.”

Jake let out a heavy sigh, his shoulders sagging in defeat. He ran his hand through his hair, staring into his drink. “It’s dumb,” Jake muttered, clearly uncomfortable.

“It can’t be any dumber than the usual things you do. What’s going on?” She asked again, trying not to sound spiteful.

Jake hesitated for a long moment. He took a deep breath, as if bracing himself for the words he was about to speak. When he finally did, it was almost a whisper. "I think. I think I’ve been slipping into a small headspace lately."

Rosa’s mind raced. Her heart beat faster while her body buzzed with excitement. She’d seen the signs. Jake always had childlike tendencies. A result from growing up with a parent like Roger who couldn’t be bothered to spend more than a weekend with his son. It should’ve been obvious to her that Jake would regress as a coping mechanism. “So you’re telling me you need to be taken care of while you’re in little space?” Rosa asked, trying to hide excitement in her voice.

Jake’s face turned bright red, and he immediately shot a nervous glance around the bar as if expecting someone to overhear. The fact she didn’t even ask what he was talking about threw him off. “I didn’t say that. I mean, it would be nice for someone to take care of me. I’m just- No no it’s weird. Forget I brought it up.” He stopped himself when he realized how much he was exposing.

“You don’t have to be embarrassed, Jake. Honestly, I get it. I really do.”

“How? It’s weird. You should be making fun of me.”

Rosa on all accounts should be, at least in Jake’s mind, insulting him right now. He didn’t know that Rosa was well versed in this area of care. Rosa knew he needed a release, just like Amy.

“You don’t need to be ashamed of it,” she said, her tone low and soothing. “If you want to be taken care of, I can do that. I’ve been doing it for Amy and I think you could use it too. You’re always trying to protect other people. It’s okay to want someone else to take care of you.”

Jake shifted uncomfortably in his seat, his mind clearly racing. Rosa could see the resistance in his posture. Jake was used to being the protector. He didn’t know how to let himself be cared for. “You don’t have to decide anything right now, Jake,” Rosa said, softening her voice. “Just think about it. No pressure.”

Jake met her eyes, there were a lot of emotions behind them. Scared, confused but also hopeful. She saw how much he was struggling to keep it in. “Thanks, Rosa,” Jake said quietly, “I don’t know if I can do that, but it’s good to know you’d offer.”

Rosa knew that he would search for her care. Jake was resistant, but deep down, she could see that he craved the same release that Amy had. When he was ready, Rosa would be there. She would help him find the peace he needed, just like she had done for Amy.

~~—~~

The phone rang loudly in Rosa’s quiet apartment the morning after the exchange at the bar. She uncovered that Jake goes into little space. Even with her mild hangover, she was still planning the prospect of convincing Jake to become her little. So when her cell phone shows it was Jake calling she knows to play it cool.

She picks up the phone.

“With Amy?” Jake immediately says. No hello or any greetings. Rosa likes he was straight to the point but waited for him to fully explain himself.

“Hmm?” She plays dumb so he can explain himself.

“With Amy. Last night, at the bar, you said with Amy.”

“Jake, do you want to say the whole sentence or do you wanna keep repeating with Amy.”

“I didn’t even want to bring it up! It’s embarrassing as hell and I was paranoid that you would tell someone and I woke up this morning and remembered what you said. I kept thinking about how you seem like you already knew what little space was. I didn’t have to explain anything. And and and you offered!? You offered to take care of me and that couldn’t have happened. Rosa wouldn’t know what little space is, let alone offer to take care of me. I thought I must’ve dreamt it, but no, it’s real, you do that. You do the little space stuff and you said with Amy!”

“Jake calm down, do you want to do this over the phone or do you want me to come over.”

She could hear him out of breath. His breathing labored and coming out in short pants. She couldn’t see him but she knew he was scrunching his eyes closed.

“Please come over.”

Rosa smiles. “I’ll bring Amy.”

~~—~~

Jake nervously taps his fingers against his legs as he waits to see Amy and Rosa.

His nerves felt like they were on fire. His whole body pumped with adrenaline while he was waiting. He tried to take a deep breath in to steady his nerves but that didn’t help. This was a mistake. Rosa was probably pulling his leg. There was no way she actually meant the offer to take care of him. This had to be some elaborate prank and she was bringing Amy to witness it. The knock on the door alerted his attention that he had visitors. He quickly checked himself in the mirror before answering the door. There stood Rosa and Amy. Looking as normal as ever like they weren’t going to discuss the personal inner workings of his life. They both walked into his apartment.

Amy seemed so adult. So put together. At work, she’s meticulous, every file in its right place, turned in, on time, with no grammatical errors. She’s the one reminding him to stay focused on the job. And Rosa. She’s tough, she doesn’t take insults from anyone, she’s practically a symbol of strength. All her weapons and stories point to a very intimidating person that the precinct knows not to mess with. Motherly was the last word Jake would use to describe her. They’re the oddest pair he has ever seen, especially for something like this. They wordlessly took their spots in the living room. Jake and Amy sat next to each other on the sofa while Rosa preferred to keep standing near them.

Jake looks over to Amy. The same warm feeling he felt for the past year surfaces but is now tangled with curiosity and worry. He’s the first one to speak. “You always seem so…” big, adult, not a mess like me. He felt out of his element. He wants to joke around but this wasn’t the time.

“I do this recreationally.” Amy said, taking the lead. “Whenever I’m stressed, I just want to relax and let go of everything that worries me. It’s perfectly harmless and I can snap out of it at any time. And Rosa loves it.”

“I never said that.” Rosa said in her own defense.

“She’s the one who introduced me to the idea of age regression as a coping mechanism.” Amy continued as if Rosa didn’t speak, “I don’t always go into little space, I honestly find it a little difficult to do. I’m still conflicted on how deep I want to go. It’s nice whenever I do it, it’s just my adult brain tries to pull away from it. Being so vulnerable is hard and the baby stuff-“ Amy suddenly stopped. It’s clear that she was embarrassed about revealing that much about their process. It made Jake feel better that Amy is just as nervous talking about it as he was.

“I can’t really control mine.” He confesses. His stomach churns in his abdomen making him feel queasy. The sudden vulnerability leaves him exposed in a way he hasn’t been in a long time. He feels both of their eyes on him and he wants to hide. “I do my best to ignore it but it keeps coming up. I don’t even know where I stop and the littleness begins. I feel like I’m always like this and I’m too afraid to go any further.

“Do you think if you had someone taking care of you it would be easier?” Rosa asked, her voice calm and soothing. It freaked Jake out a little hearing the softness, something Amy got used to.

“I don’t know.” He said truthfully.

“Do you regress by yourself? Do you want us to be here when you do?” Amy asked.

Jake froze up. This was moving too quickly for him. He suddenly felt lightheaded from all the questions.

“Now who’s sounding too eager,” Rosa teased, gently cusping Amy’s chin with her finger. “Lay off him. He’s getting overwhelmed.”

Jake breathed a sigh of relief. He’s thankful that Rosa was able to tell this was getting too much. For a split second he thought everything would turn back to normal. That they would drop this conversation and go back to their own lives.

“We could show you.” Amy continued, “You can come over and see how it’s like to be taken care of.”

“You’re okay with that?”

“Yeah, I trust you, and I think it’ll be good for you to see how Rosa takes care of me.” The idea was still terrifying. But their calm reassurance made it feel like it could work. He just had to take the first step.

Chapter Text

A few days after their conversation, Rosa set up a plan for Jake to visit Amy’s apartment. It wasn’t going to be some big, dramatic shift. It was just a chance for Jake to see how the dynamic worked. She knew he needed space that to let down his guard.

When the day came, Jake arrived at Amy’s apartment, awkwardly standing in the entryway, clearly unsure of what to expect. Rosa had set up the living room just like she did when Amy was in little space. Pillows and blankets scattered across the floor, stuffed animals lining the couch, a soft bottle of warm milk waiting on the coffee table, and even a pacifier, tucked away as an option for Amy. There was something undeniably soft and welcoming about the space, the warmth of it filling the room. Rosa greeted Jake at the door. She let him into the apartment. His eyes darted around the room.

“So this is how the apartment looks. Okay. Cool cool cool cool cool.” He says mostly to himself. He sat down on the edge of the couch, the tension in his body vibrating as he gets used to this new situation.

A few minutes later, Amy emerged from the bedroom, yawning. She was dressed in one of her oversized, cozy sweaters, her hair pulled back loosely. Her usual poised, serious demeanor now softened as she moved toward them. There was a quiet peace about her, a sense of surrender that Rosa had worked hard to create.

“Hey Jake.” She unceremoniously plopped on the couch next to him. She snuggled against him and he could smell the cucumber face soap she used. She smelled so fresh and clean that Jake reflexively leaned down and sniffed her. This would usually be an odd thing to do, he would never get this close to her in any other scenario. She leaned into him equally as much, also smelling his plain body soap without the usual cologne he wears. Something she now recognized as a mildly scented baby soap.

“You two certainly got comfortable.” Rosa teased them, seeing how close they immediately got to each other. Their faces inches apart. Jake tensed up and shifted his body away to the dismay of Amy. Rosa softly chuckles as she moves Amy to her usual spot on the couch, catching a glimpse of Jake’s disappointed face as she removes her. He watched as Rosa placed a stuffed bunny into Amy’s hands and adjusted the blankets around her. Instinctively, Amy snuggled into the soft fabric. He hadn’t seen Amy like this before, so relaxed and peaceful. It was strange to him, but there was something oddly comforting about it. Her eyes close as she melts into the softness around her.

“I haven’t actually considered how boring this is to watch.” Rosa said dryly. “Amy isn’t very active when she’s relaxed and we haven’t got many little activities.”

“I like to relax, sue me.” Amy said jokingly. She turns to Jake. “I’m sorry, I’m sure this isn’t the big reveal you thought it was. I’m just not that deep into age regression yet so it’s mostly just this.”

“There’s always my suggestion.”

“I do not need to be diapered. I still have control over my bladder.”

Jake turned bright red as they mentioned the one thing he was the most embarrassed about. The panic started to rise in his chest as they talked about it. Rosa glanced at him and saw how worked up he was getting and how badly he was hiding it.

“Do you use a diaper Jake?” Rosa asked, her tone unreadable to him. He didn’t respond, he couldn’t respond. Instead he stumbled off the couch and made his way to the door. “Jake!”

Rosa grabbed his arm and yanked him back from leaving, stopping his fleeing attempt. She forced him to sit down on the couch and stood in front of him so he couldn’t escape. “What did I say about judgment? We allowed you to witness this and you think that some little detail about your life is gonna scare us off?! I’ve done so much shit you wouldn’t even want to know about-” Amy put a hand on Rosa's arm to let her know to take it easy on Jake. She sighed as she saw that she's stressing the poor boy out. “I occasionally put Amy in a diaper when she gets deep into little space. I changed her a couple times already. You have nothing to be ashamed about.”

“You’re both girls, it’s different.”

“Your mom is a girl.” Rosa replied sarcastically.

“She’s my mom, I was a kid, it’s still different.” He whines. He noticed that he had been tearing up without knowing. He quickly wiped his eyes, suddenly feeling very small. “I’m sorry this got weird.”

“It was already weird. Nothing could really change that.” Her voice slips back into the calm gentle tone she used when Amy is small. “Anything you need from me, I can do.” He nods his head. Amy holds his hand as she lays next to him. The two cuddled closer to each other, enjoying the warmth and comfort from the other person. Rosa smiles as both of them get comfy with one another. “Both of you are cuddle bugs, aren’t you?” She gently teased.

It was becoming more and more frequent that Rosa would cuddle Amy. Ever since she got comfortable enough to ask for more physical affection, Rosa couldn’t say no. She could predict Jake would be the same way, judging from how red he got from the simple tease and how he enjoyed Amy nuzzling into him. She could sense that both of them were currently in the limbo between their big and little headspace. A small part of their inhibitions melted away as they both saw that they could share their secret with the other person. Both of them being on equal footing helped them feel calm enough to sink into the small version of themselves. The trio enjoy the rest of the evening together, figuring out the details of how their relationship would proceed.