Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Nightshade's POV

...Okay.
I have all the 'necessary' things in my bag - A smartphone, a rubbery ball, some picture books, small teddy bear, a large sweater...
Oh? What am I going to do?
1-night runaway. So I can regress without interrupted or found out by my siblings or parents.
I transformed into my owl beast mode and carries my bag as well, I'm flying to the hideout which I made, and no one knows...

On the way to the hideout, I recalled various things.
When I was biting my thumb without even noticing and Thrash said "Isn't it... a bit too childish?", I knew he was just curious or confused, but it made me...sad.
When I was at my 'lab' alone, talking to a teddy bear, and my mom came in and saw me and made confused expression, it made me think I shouldn't do it when people could see me.
When I was watching 'childish' cartoon alone, Hashtag saw me and said "Isn't it.. like what human toddlers watch? I thought we were a bit older to watch them-" I know, even I am not an adult, it's not like I'm a literal baby-- yet, it made me really sad and... even angry.
And what if I told my family that I age regress?
...I'm afraid that they would think something is wrong with me or something like that.
I know they didn't mean to hurt me at all, I know they still sincerely care and love me, but...

...

Finally, I got to the hideout.
Maybe no one knows I made that hideout, so there could be a possibility of someone using it- but I could make new one if so.
I step into inside - at first, I thought no one was here or used here because appearance of the place didn't change.
And I step into more - but I noticed that there is someone- I can see a figure on the couch. And it isn't a human one - I can assume they are transformer.
"..hi..? who here..?"
I say as I approach behind the couch,
My words are not complete, but I didn't care, I could escape soon if they were malicious one.
And the figure jolts and gets up-
...It was Optimus- wearing a blue hoodie, and having a pastel blue pacifier in his mouth.
His optics are widen, and clearly scared.
And I immediately know what is going on - he is regressed too!

I wave at him, I can't help but smile.
But Optimus just lets out a scared whine, and he curls up into a ball, on the couch..
"..hmph."
I can't help but pout a bit, I thought I found a fellow, but he is scared right now..
Maybe I'll leave him alone for a while.
I go behind a curtain, then I wear a large sweater, then I grab the teddy bear.
I walk towards the couch, I sit next to him.
I wonder why Optimus is here and regressed - ...maybe he was using here before..? But I thought no one was using here and decorated here- ...I could ask him when he is not regressed anyways.

I look at Optimus - he is still curling up.
I'm feeling curious, I want to ask question-
I pat his arm.
He looks at me with nervous optics.
"m-mhm..?"
He hums nervously, tilting his head.
"..how ol'..?"
I ask, I want to know how old he is feeling now.
And he picks 1 finger up.
"...1? 'm feelin 2!"
I say, still patting his arm.
His optics widen, and he sits up on the couch.
"..lil too..?"
He says, pointing at me.
I nod, staring into his optics.

"..wuh.."
He lets out a babyish coo, he seems... more curious.
I offer him my teddy bear, wondering if he would like it.
He blinks a few times, then he suddenly hugs me.
"..you like m teddy..?"
I say, wondering how he is feeling.
He nods, still hugging me - and he is shaking..?
"..optimus..?"
I feel worried, ..why he is shaking..?"
I looked up at his face, then I noticed that he is... verge of tears.
"..d-dun' leav m.."
He says, in teary voice. His voice is higher-pitched than usual, and it was shaky..
"..no like alon'..?"
I ask, hoping the answer is yes - I don't like being alone when I'm regressed.
And he nods, he is shaking even more..
I nuzzle against his chest, trying to soothe him.
"..you n m fren..?"
I ask, then he nods.
I smile, me and him are little friends now..
"m n you frens.. so i dun' leav you.."
And he opens his optics again, then he smiles softly, his tears stop falling..
"mhm.. we frenn..."
He says happily and softly, then ...he falls asleep.

...Now, I feel a bit lonely, no one to talk since Optimus is sleeping.
And... I'm kinda tired too.
I grip sleeve of his hoodie, closing my optics...
Planning to get back to home before it gets 5 am, so my family wouldn't notice that I was away.
It was... kinda fun to be with another regressor.
But I can't stay long..
...Maybe I can come here again, right...?
And I eventually fall asleep, feeling secure in his arms.

Chapter Text

Nightshade's POV

...I woke up by the sound of notifications on my phone.
What time is it?
...Oh. Oh no.
It's like AM 7:00!?
How did I miss alarm-
And many notifications of messages and call are on the lock screen on my smartphone- all of them are from my family.
And I can see that they all are worried, from the contents of the messages.
...I should go back to home- I should make some excuses-
...And I still feel little...
How do I spend this day at my house without being interrupted...?
...I don't want to go back to home..
Not now..
I glanced at Optimus, he is still sleeping peacefully...
I decided to reply to my family's messages, I still have good excuse.

[Nightshade: Hey everyone, sorry for worrying you all...
Sorry, I was at walking, it'll take some time to go back to home. But I'm okay, I promise!!]

That was all I sent in family group chat, maybe some of my family - especially mom might not buy it, but I anyways didn't want to go back to home, not when I'm regressed.
I turn off the notifications of the message and call app, so I would be able to have some quiet time... I can explain to them when I go back to home..
...I felt really guilty and bad for worrying them.
But I had to keep my secret, for my own safety as well.
..I know they still don't mean and want to hurt me or make me feel sad, but still, I felt unsafe whenever they got confused about my 'behavior' and said something about it..
...I wish, I just wish I could have peaceful moment without any confusion or judgement...

I sigh, then I look at Optimus.
I see him stirring up, rubbing his optics.
"..mornin..?"
I say to him, and he nods.
"..i mornin too.."
I respond. ..And he just nods.
Then he spreads his arms.
"..hug..?"
I ask, then he nods again.
Then I hug him just like yesterday, and it feels comfortable again.
"..'shade..?"
He calls my name in shortened version.
"..ye..?"
I respond, wondering what he will say.
"..stil lil.. how you...?"
He asks in curious way.
I nod and respond,
"..i lil too...
..dun wan' go back home.."
I look down, feeling... sad a bit.
...Then I feel him holding me more tighter a bit, and patting my head.
And I lean into the touch, I feel more comforted and soothed...
"..you fam worry..?"
Optimus asks again, I nod.
"...i sory to m fam.. bu' i dun wan' go home now..."
I can't help but tear up, I just can't help it, those conflicted feelings are... too much...
"..cry..?"
Optimus asks worriedly, and... I only could cry aloud.
And suddenly, I feel Optimus nuzzling his head against mine, it's like he is trying to comfort me in the way he can do it now.
"..it okay.. i no leav you.."
Optimus says, his tone still worried.

After a while, I finally could stop crying and tearing up.
I just stay in his arms, being hugged.
I am still feeling little (and Optimus as well), but I don't need to mask or rush myself to be 'big' this time.

...I felt truly safe. Truly safe this time...
I felt fuzzy, cozy, and warm feelings inside.

But suddenly, I hear some noises and voices from outside, and I can feel Optimus pulling me closer and can see his expression getting anxious--

...And I see mom and Megatron at the entrance/exit of this hideout, both of their eyes/optics widen in surprise and confusion...

...It was the moment when my runaway and safest moment ended cruelly.

Chapter Text

Nightshade's POV

...Mom and Megatron are here.
Found me and Optimus are here, both of us 'acting' babyish...
And of course they don't know that we are genuinely regressed--
"..Nightshade, come here and tell us what is happening.."
...Mom says in calm, but a bit stern tone... maybe she is not happy about I went outside at the night without even telling her--
But all I could do was, clutch onto Optimus' hoodie. And I can feel him shaking in anxiety and fear..

And I can see Megatron is confused, and mom is staring at me in stern- yet worried gaze.
And then she looks at Optimus- then her gaze turns into worried one that was on me to much stern and even... angry one, from what I can see...
Optimus holds me more tighter, I can tell he is very scared.
"Optimus. Can you get off from my child."
...Mom says in stern voice, clearly trying to make Optimus separate from me. I can tell she is misunderstanding something.
And all I could do was shaking my head, whimpering, and clutching onto Optimus' hoodie, trying to tell mom that he didn't do anything bad to me.
I didn't want to separate from fellow little friend.
And then she asks Optimus again, this time, less nicely-
"Optimus. Get. Off. From. My. Child."
And I can feel Optimus start sobbing...

I try to comfort him by rubbing his arm, while staring at both of mom and Megatron.
I don't trust my voice while I am regressed, but hoping that they would understand that Optimus is not in a usual mindset...
"...Nightshade, can you... at least explain what is going on..?"
Megatron asks. But I don't trust my voice right now - and the possibility of getting judged or made fun of makes me more refusing...
All I could do was shaking my head and try to comfort Optimus as possible...

And that didn't help the situation.

"Were you two doing something you can't tell us?"
Mom asks sternly. And I shake my head- it is not something like 'that'..
"Then why are you two- dressing or acting like-... a baby?"
She asks again in confused tone, all I could do was being silent.
I can tell mom is very worried, but... no. I can't tell them about regression, not when i struggle with speech and when they might not understand, or judge me...

"...Dorothy, I think situation is more different than you thought at first. Maybe we should be... more careful."
Megatron says, I can tell he sensed that something is going on.
"...What do you mean by 'different'?"
Mom asks to Megatron, still confused and somewhat stern.
"...Look at them, I genuinely think they are not only acting like a baby, but... something more, like they are in baby-ish mindset itself?"
Megatron says, pointing at me and Optimus..
And I only could stare at mom and Megatron, while still trying to comfort scared Optimus...
"...For what reason?"
Mom asks again, now genuinely confused tone.
"I'm not sure, but I think it is a form of coping mechanism? I have heard of that, but I'm not sure, so we will research about it."

...I felt really reassured by Megatron's word.
At least, Megatron has some acknowledgment...
...And I look at Optimus again, still sobbing uncontrollably..
All I could do was holding him tighter, and shaking head at mom and Megatron, hoping that they would understand that it is not a time to talk/discuss...
And fortunately, Megatron suggested mom to leave us alone.
"...We can wait until both of them are calm. We can research about this while waiting..."
Mom looks very worried, and I really feel guilty for worrying her..
"...m sory.."
I can't help but apologize.
Mom's eyes widen in surprise, but before she could say anything, Megatron urged her to leave us for now and wait outside. Then she nodded, leaving the room with Megatron, and yet, she still looked worried and... sad.

But I atleast have a time to calm down, and calm Optimus down as well.
I pat his arm and hold him until both of us feel calm and safe again..
I knew we will have long talk, but I'm feeling less scared and nervous than before.

I just hope that things will get better...

Chapter Text

Nightshade's POV

After I and Optimus calmed, I decided to talk with mom and Megatron - it takes time to be 'big' again for both of me and Optimus though.
There was an awkward silence before mom started talking.
"...I'm really sorry, Nightshade..."
Mom says, tearing up a bit.
"..no, im sorry, mom.. i went out at night and.. not telling anything..."
I apologize as well, it's true that I worried my family so much.
"Nightshade. You and Optimus... were age regressed, right?"
Megatron asks in calm tone, I and Optimus nod in confirmation.
"I.. completely misunderstood, I thought something unsafe was happening- I'm really sorry, both of you..."
Mom apologizes again, I can see she is genuine.
"..mom.. i know you were so much worried.. its okay, you were just.. trying to protect me, right..?"
I ask, while Optimus staring at us with worried expression.
And mom nods, she looks still sad ...and guilty?

"...i should have.. told you that i regress, mom.."
I say, if I had told mom that I regress, maybe this incident wouldn't have happened.
"..It's okay, Nightshade.. I know that some people... wouldn't understand, and you were scared, right..?"
Mom asks again, and I nod.
"...please don't tell anyone, including any of my family.. im.. still not ready to tell them about my regression.."
I say feeling very nervous.
Both mom and Megatron nod,
"Of course, I won't tell others.."
Mom promises with reassuring smile.
"It's regarding your privacy and safety, I will keep it to myself as well."
Megatron says in serious tone.
And I felt reassured.
"..thank you.."
Optimus says in small voice, I can see he's still regressed.
"..can we... stay here for a bit..?"
I ask, then both mom and Megatron nod reassuringly.
"Of course, both of you can stay here for a while until you feel big again. I will tell other family members that... you are still on walk."
Mom says with smile.
"thank you mom..!"

I feel reassured again, at least me and Optimus are safe again...