Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

November 3rd, 202X

Tom

Good evening.

I have reviewed your contribution to our History of Magic essay. Your attempt has, frankly, left me astounded, but I assure you it is not for the reasons you might hope. I had expected at least a rudimentary grasp of the subject, but instead I am met with a piece that seems to have been written with willful disregard for both logic and scholarship.

To begin, the chronology is an utter mess. You reference the International Statute of Secrecy of 1692 before the Goblin Rebellion of 1612, which suggests you either have no concept of time or decided it was an unnecessary constraint. Did you imagine history simply folded in on itself to spare you the trouble of learning it? And as if that were not enough, I counted no fewer than three attempts at spelling Thaddeus Thurkell’s name in a single paragraph, not one of them correct.

Your citations are equally abysmal. I noticed at least four instances where passages from Hogwarts: A History have been lifted word for word, and worse, in places where the text is entirely irrelevant to the point at hand. I need not tell you that plagiarism is the refuge of the unimaginative, and in this case, the incompetent. You may find such a tactic clever, but it is painfully obvious to anyone with the most basic familiarity with the subject matter. If you believe I will permit my own grade to be dragged down by such juvenile laziness, you are sorely mistaken.

Finally, if I may speak plainly, your handwriting does you no favors. One could almost forgive the shoddy content, but the fact that I must laboriously decipher each word as though reading the ramblings of a drunken troll is beyond irritating. At one point I almost believed you were under the impression that the rebellion occurred in 1072 rather than 1612, but then, mercifully, I decided to grant you the benefit of the doubt. That you have managed to progress this far in your schooling is, frankly, little short of miraculous.

I cannot, and will not, put my name beside work of such quality. It reflects poorly not only on you, but on me by association. In short: this draft is not salvageable. You have until tomorrow at noon to rewrite it properly.

07*** *** 023  

lmaooo ive never seen someone being called stupid in so many words

wait this is not about me right?? i dnt think i have any essay due??

right???

Tom

Goyle, I trust you realise this is neither an appropriate moment nor an appropriate audience for your poor attempt at making a joke.

07*** *** 023  

wait is this about goyle?? lmao

malfoys gang is getting worse every year huh 

no but is this actually for real? is this a prank or did goyle really fuck up that bad??

Tom

One moment.

Tom

Good evening.

Would you happen to have Goyle’s phone number? I require it for our History of Magic essay. 

Parkinson

Hey Tom

Yeah, it's 07*** *** 623  

Tom

Understood. Thank you.

07*** *** 023  

still there?

come onnn dot leave me hanging

helloo

hello?

Tom

It appears there has been an error. You are not the intended recipient of my previous message. I would suggest you disregard it entirely.

07*** *** 023  

wait no no that was like so funny dont leave omg

i am really invested rn

seriously tho… i need to know what happens next

also, can you give me tips on writing like that??

i wanna roast people with elegance someday

im not above begging total strangers

also you said he has until noon tomorrow… wow you dont mess arond

i will need updates on this

pretty please?

Tom

Enough.

I am not here for your amusement, nor am I your source of entertainment. 

I suggest you redirect your attention to your own studies and cease messaging me immediately.

07*** *** 023  

look im like really invested now okay

should we start a petition to get goyle expelled for this crime against history of magic?

suddenly im really self conscious about my own essays 

also how did you end up sending all this to me??

not that im complaining, just wondering

so many questions

hello are u still here???

Tom

Good evening.

I have reviewed your contribution to our History of Magic essay. Your attempt has, frankly, left me astounded, but I assure you it is not for the reasons you might hope. I had expected at least a rudimentary grasp of the subject, but instead I am met with a piece that seems to have been written with willful disregard for both logic and scholarship.

To begin, the chronology is an utter mess.

--- --- --- ---

I cannot, and will not, put my name beside work of such quality. It reflects poorly not only on you, but on me by association. In short: this draft is not salvageable. You have until tomorrow at noon to rewrite it properly.

07*** *** 623

wait what

what do you mean tomorrow at noon??

Chapter Text

November 3rd

[gryffinchat]

Ron

what im saying is

its just unfair

like come on, patrols even on practice nights??

Hermione

You did accept the responsibility, you know

Did you expect a quidditch exemption clause or something?

Ron

uhm 

perhaps?

somehow i ended up with the most work out of the 3 of us

Hermione

Can you just do your patrol properly?

Harry

GUYS

YOU WOMT BELIEVE THIS

i have TEARS in my eyes rn

Hermione

Did something happen?

Are you hurt??

Ron

Hermione please

would he really be texting in all caps if he was dying

this is obviously clickbait

Harry

YES im alright

better than alright even

just give me a sec

words are failing me rn

Hermione

..okay??

Harry

LOOK

[screeenshots of the earlier conversation]

Ron

wait what

you gotta be shitting me rn

is this like a prank??

Harry

RIGHT??

and no its not a prank

at least i dont think so??

Ron

this is the funniest thing ive seen all year

like

i didnt even know words could be used as actual weapons

not like this

Hermione

…wow

This is actually… remarkably well-written

The vocabulary, the structure

There’s even a certain elegance to the phrasing

Harry

Hermione dont

Ron 

YEAH hermione dont

but seriously who tf is this??

Harry

genuinely no clue

wait lemme at least try

Harry

also can i just ask

who are you?

since you texted me first and everything

seems only polite to introduce yourself right?

right?

hello

pleas dont ignore me 

[gryffinchat]

Harry

aaaand ive been ghosted

Hermione

Hmm I wonder why

Ron

oh my god

patrol? what patrol

i cant stop rereading this

i feel like i learned more history of magic in 5 minutes than in the last 5 years

like imagine submitting an essay and this dude comes at u like

“did you imagine history folded in on itself to spare you the trouble of learning it??”

Harry

i think id cry

i would never recover from that

Ron

no but tell me this doesnt sound EXACTLY like hermione when shes mad abt ppl citing things wrong

"your citations are equally abysmal" like hermione thats ur brand

this person just out-hermione’d hermione

Harry

im just gonna say

rons not wrong

Hermione

I’ll ignore that

But you both have to admit they have a point

Or several, actually

Copying directly from Hogwarts: A History is disgraceful. Professor Binns would notice immediately

I can totally understand the frustration

I’ve seen this sort of sloppy work far too often firsthand

Ron

hermione see? this is exactly what i was talking about

but imagine being goyle and suddenly getting all this

i almost feel sorry for him

almost

wait this is the goyle in our year right?

Harry

yeah thats what i thought

i mean it would make total sense

Hermione

I think he does have siblings?

Not entirely sure

In any case

Harry, please be careful

I’m not saying this is dangerous, after all it’s just a text message

But you don’t know who this person is

Harry

Hermione its just texts lol

not like he can hex me thru the phone

and its far from being the first time some random stranger texted me lol

Hermione

My point exactly

Harry

okay but hear me out

its the first time someone texted me without knowing who i am

(i think)

i mean im at least 70% sure

Hermione

See?

You don’t know that

Ron

as much as it pains me… i gotta agree w hermione

this person sounds like a total nutter

Hermione

I wouldn’t go that far 

They just… clearly value structure and effort, which is hardly unreasonable

But Harry, they told you to end the conversation

I would do exactly that

Harry

nah but you dont understand

i cant let this go 

i want all the dirt on malfoy and his cronies

and this opportunity just delivered itself to me

Ron

shocking absolutely no one 

at least keep us updated tho

i expect occasional screenshots 

for… academic purposes.

Hermione

Ron, don’t enable him

Harry

it would be my pleasure

November 4th

Harry

hello

good morning

i trust everything is going well?

how is the essay going?

all good?

[gryffinchat]

Harry

come on

why are they still ignoring me

its been like an hour

Ron

uhm

is this about the mystery essay tyrant from yesterday?

if yes, why wouldnt they be ignoring you?

i thought we already covered this yesterday lol

Harry

i mean

its a brand new day and all

Hermione

In case you forgot we are currently in class

Can you please stop texting??

Ron

Hermione you are texting too tho??

Harry

i just dont understand

did i say anything wrong?

Ron

theyre probably in class too

if theyre anything like hermione im guessing theyre like laser focused rn

or maybe they blocked you??

Harry

nah they didnt

my messages are still being delivered

Harry

sorry if youre in class 

didnt mean to disturb

ill text you later okay?

[gryffinchat]

Harry

okay then ill just wait until lunch

thanks for the idea ron

Hermione

Yeah thank you Ron for the great contribution

Ron

wait what did i even do

Harry

hey

lunch looks good today

what r u eating?

oh and also… essay update??

just checking in

cmon dont ignore me

okay but seriously tho

even just a sentence

you have my full attention

do you also happen to know draco malfoy?

just wondering

also what year are you in?

also what house?

The Essay Police™

I have repeatedly suggested that you cease messaging me. 

This correspondence is neither appropriate nor welcome.

Consider this your final warning. Do not continue.

Harry

omg hi

hello

im so glad to hear from you again

wow i honestly didt expect a reply so fast

how are you?

ngl i didnt think id get this far

The Essay Police™

Perhaps I was mistaken in assuming you possess the most basic reading comprehension.

Even reading your messages is a considerable waste of my time.

Harry

okay so you actually read them??

man and here i thougjt you hated my guts

i swear im well intentioned

anyway…

did goyle redo his part of the essay?

i bet he did not

right?

The Essay Police™

I assure you, that is none of your concern.

Harry

haha..

well

okay but let me have this

i need it for my personal satisfaction

just satisfy my curiosity this once

please?

The Essay Police™

Your persistence is nauseating.

If I indulge your ridiculous curiosity, will you finally stop?

Harry

of course

The Essay Police™

Fine.

Yes, he redid it. Of course he did.

Do you truly navigate your life assuming everyone disregards basic instructions like you do?

I requested it. He complied. Simple as that.

Harry

damn

okay

maybe this is really about another goyle?

The Essay Police™

In any case, I believe we are finished here.

[gryffinchat]

Harry

[screenshot of the earlier conversation, cropped very strategically so he doesn’t look too desperate]

see?

and you didnt believe me

how could you not believe me

Hermione

Wait did they actually reply back??

Harry

i know right??

for a sec i was like "wait what do i even do now"

but anyway i was sure ill manage with all my charisma

i told you id make progress

Ron

i mean

is that progress?

is the progress in the room with us rn?

ur even further off than when you started mate

Harry

its just the beginning

i will get to the bottom of this

Ron

oh well

somehow im invested

Hermione

Just shut up, both of you

Harry

anywayy

what house are you in?

also what year?

Chapter Text

November 6th

07*** *** 023 

yo good morning

whats up

Tom

Can you enlighten me as to why you are wasting my time again?

Or even better, don’t.

07*** *** 023  

well clearly because ure still replying

no wait dont go

:(

Malfoy

Morning, Riddle

I wanted to check in regarding Goyle’s essay

He told me he rewrote it. I trust it meets your standards now?

If anything is still amiss, I can speak directly with professor Binns, so you don’t need to concern yourself with it

Tom

Good morning, Malfoy.

Yes, he has rewritten it, and it is now satisfactory. 

I see no further issue requiring your intervention.

Malfoy

Perfect, I’m glad to hear that

On another note, I was wondering if you would care to join us in Hogsmeade today?

We will all be leaving for the three broomsticks in about half an hour

Tom

Thank you for the invitation, but I have several assignments to complete today.

Malfoy

I see

Understandable, of course

Though I do think you would find the company worthwhile

Perhaps another day, then

07*** *** 023  

hellooo

why are you ignoring me again

i thought we established we were past that?

Tom

What I recall establishing is that you would leave me alone.

07*** *** 023  

probably a misunderstanding

dont beat yourself up

happens to everyone

so… are you going to hogsmeade today??

i heard the weathers gonna be nice

perfect for some butterbeer

also…  who do you usually hng out with there??

Tom

Hogsmeade is of no interest to me.

Not that it should concern you.

07*** *** 023  

what???

so you dont even like butterbeer?

Tom

Ah yes, butterbeer, the Ministry-approved way of raising tomorrow’s drunks under the guise of school spirit.

07*** *** 023  

…wait let me guess 

youd rather sip some overpriced herbal tea with a book in hand

in a dark corner of the library

am i right or am i right

Tom

None of your concern.

07*** *** 023  

thats a yes

oh cmon

dont tell me youll..write hustory of magic essays all day??

Tom

It seems you might not be aware that we have more than one subject at this school.

And that having assignments is far from being uncommon, at least for people who take their schooling seriously.

07*** *** 023  

ok fair

then whats your favourite subject

Tom

I fail to see how that is remotely relevant to you.

07*** *** 023  

oops sorry got sidetracked 

so anyway

no hogsmeade today?? 

are you sure??

Tom

I have heard enough about Hogsmeade today and I’m not gonna entertain your mindless chat anymore.

Frankly, I don’t even know why I did it in the first place.

Don’t interrupt me anymore.

Good day.

07*** *** 023  

oh

good day to you too!!

ill drink a butterbeer for you 

or maybe 2 actually

and good luck on your assignments!!

ill hav u kno 

the butterbeer js rly good!!

likeee

really god

Tom

The list of your unpleasant qualities was already extensive, but I hadn’t realised day-drinking was among them. 

All the more reason I should not be entertaining whatever this is.

07*** *** 023  

noo

i am not drunk

i had lik 2 beers..

maaaybr 3?

also you cant just be meam to me rn

yo even told me good day

Tom

My earlier politeness was clearly a mistake on my part.

Duly noted.

07*** *** 023  

nooo

pleas

ah

my frinds tol me theyl throw my phone in the lake if i dont stop texting

y si everyone so mean :(

Tom

Frankly, tossing your phone into the lake would be doing me a favour.

07*** *** 023  

:(

November 7th

07*** *** 023  

okaaaay that mightve been a big mistake on my part

i feel like im dying??

also i have like 3 assignments due

okay okay you dont have to offer me so much sympathy youre too nice..

anyway

do you wanna know what my least favourite sibject is

Tom

No.

07*** *** 023  

wait how come now youre replying fast??

anyway..

i think it would be a tie between divination and potions probably

like

divination is pure nonsense

that wont change anytime soon

but potions is torture too

snape is always staring at me like hes waiting for me to set the classroom on fire

every time

and his assignments

half the time i dont even understand what he wants from me i swear

ugh did i lose you again 

ill imagine youre working hard on your assignments 

which i should be doing as well… 

truly an unfair world

November 8th

07*** *** 023  

actually

you know what i said yesterday

scratch that

i think history of magic wins this

like

who cares about fucking thadeus turknel and whatever it is that he did

im starting to really understand goyle now

which is not something id ever thought id say

also btw how did the essay thing turn out?

i know you said it was all good

but… i find that hard to believe??

Tom

You would do better than to remind me of that essay.

07*** *** 023  

ohhh what

now it sounds like theres a story there??

can i know?

Tom

No.

07*** *** 023  

cmon dont you ever wanna vent

i vent about malfoy & co at least every 48 hours

well

keep your secrets

but the offer still stands ;)

November 9th

[Hogwarts Prefects 202X]

Chang

Hey everyone! :)

Hope you’re all doing well

Just a couple of things about the Quidditch game later this week

First of all, Hermione, Zachary, Padma - can you please confirm you’re still available for patrolling?

07*** *** 951

Hey Cho, yes I am!

07*** *** 442 

Yes :)

07*** *** 001  

Me too

Chang

Perfect! 

Thanks a lot guys!

Now the other thing

I spoke to Ernie earlier today and unfortunately he’s still in the hospital wing and not feeling well

Is anyone able to swap in and patrol the game? I’m really sorry for the inconvenience :(

07*** *** 566  

I am available if no one else is

Chang

Thanks a lot for offering! 

But you were already on duty two weeks ago, so I think it's better if someone else can come this time

I was thinking… maybe Tom?

It’s been a while since we’ve seen you at a Quidditch game and it would really help

Only if you’re available, of course! :)

Tom

Certainly.

Chang

Awesome, thank you so much, Tom!

And everyone else, please let me know if anything changes

Have a nice evening!

07*** *** 023  

heya

so

i had another question

quite important question

do you like quidditch?

Tom

Quidditch.

You cannot possibly be asking me that right now.

What is it with this school and its rabid fixation on that ridiculous game?

I suppose I should not be surprised. Every conversation in this castle seems destined to circle back to that ridiculous spectacle.

No, I do not like it. Quite the opposite.

07*** *** 023  

hmm okay

thats a pretty strong opinion

but its valid and all

care to explain?

Tom

It’s noisy, crude, and it wastes the time of an entire institution that supposedly prides itself on academic pursuit.

And for what? To watch half-witted children fling themselves after a ball in the sky.

07*** *** 023  

oookay

so i take it you wont be coming to the game this week then?

well i had to ask

not like i was secretly hoping youd be a fan too or anything...

Tom

If only.

No, apparently no one is allowed to escape this circus. The school insists on making it everyone’s problem.

Some of us apparently don’t get the luxury of saying no.

07*** *** 023  

wait

what does that mean

so youre actually coming?

hey

i can see you typing and then stopping you know

Tom

Shut up.

07*** *** 023  

your “Shut up.” is not that intimidating you know

all that punctuation and shit and for what

also we both know i cant shut up

Tom

Clearly.

Though I suppose Quidditch fans never can. 

The game’s essentially designed for those with nothing better to do than scream themselves hoarse over a ball in the air.

Now that I think about it, it’s hardly surprising that you take pleasure in such nonsense.

07*** *** 023  

very clever

but guess what

im not only a fan

i also play ;)

Tom

Of course you do.

Naturally, it’s the pastime of students who can’t distinguish themselves in any real discipline.

Far easier to posture on a broomstick than to achieve anything of substance in a classroom.

07*** *** 023  

okay hold on

dont generalise 

maybe you think im stupid

(which im not btw)

but i know loads of players who are brilliant

they smash their exams, they work hard, theyre smart as hell

liking or playing quidditch doesnt mean youre thick

Tom

Then I imagine those brilliant minds would accomplish far more if they weren’t wasting their time chasing after a ball like trained animals.

07*** *** 023  

youre allowed to hate it

really thats fine

but anyone is free to spend their time here in any way they like

last i checked enjoying quidditch wasnt a crime against intelligence

and neither was chasing a ball on a broom

Tom

Perhaps.

Yet I don’t understand why even the uninterested are dragged into this.

Not everyone drools over quidditch players, gets their brooms signed by as many of them, or treats the whole thing as some sort of celebrity parade.

07*** *** 023  

yeah.. that

im not saying i dont understand

that sort of thing bugs me too

in any case

i need to go to sleep

early practice and all that

good night

Chapter Text

November 13th

[gryffinchat]

Harry

yo guys

what would you do if someone annoys you

but you also kinda enjoy talking to them

but theyre basically a prick

but an entertaining prick?

ofc this is purely hypothetical

Ron

lmao what

Hermione

Well, you should think about whether it’s actually worth it

If this person frustrates you more than they make you happy, perhaps it’s better to step back

Sometimes silence really is the smarter move

Ron

nah

you gotta annoy them back

Hermione

And how is that healthy?

If someone consistently upsets you, maybe you should consider whether the effort is worth it

Ron

or you just annoy them right back

works every time

Hermione

I’ve never seen worse advice in my life

Ron

and yet harry asked me for it

weird isnt it?

Hermione

Yeah like he specifically asked you

Harry

somehow

i feel like ron is right

thanks guys

Ron

you can always count on my great advice

see hermione?

but wait

who is this about?

dont we know all your friends?

or is this someone new??

Hermione

Good question

Who is this about, Harry?

Oh wait

Don't tell me

Harry

helloo

its me

again

are you excited for tomorrows game?

Quidditch Hater #1

As always, your attempt at humor is appalling.

Harry

well

since ure going anyway

might as well go with a positive attitude

right?

Quidditch Hater #1

Ignorance may be bliss, but I refuse to cultivate it.

Harry

you know

i was wondering

how come you are forced to come to the game

considering you think its the worst thing ever invented?

Quidditch Hater #1

Maybe I need to remind you.

That is none of your business.

Harry

sigh

fine

i know people who are prefects

and i know prefects have to come patrol the games

sometimes whether they like it or not

i was clearly giving you a chance to do some bonding

out of your own accord??

but im starting to think im the only one doing any work here

Quidditch Hater #1

Why would I willingly provide you with personal information?

All evidence suggests your curiosity is driven by sheer foolishness and a complete inability to respect boundaries.

You’ve shown nothing but a compulsive need to pry into matters that don’t concern you.

Harry

well

i would be telling you stuff about myself as well?

fair trade and all that

some might call it bonding

Quidditch Hater #1

I’m even less interested in your personal information.

Or your so-called bonding.

Harry

fine maybe not actual personal information

just

normal stuff?

like thoughts and opinions

especially considering we dont know each other

it should be easier talking to a stranger about some stuff

Quidditch Hater #1

I fail to understand how that makes any sense.

Harry

think about it

when you talk to some friends or some other people you know

they already know you

so you end up watching what you say

cause sometimes you dont wanna sound weak or stupid or whatever

but with me, we literally dont know each other

so you know, there are no expectations to act in a certain way

and to be someone youre not

ive got no reason to hold it against you

ive got my own mess to deal with

Quidditch Hater #1

You are under the impression that I require such an outlet.

I do not.

Harry

like you didnt rant about quidditch for 15 whole minutes the other day

that sounded like bottled up rage in disguise

only with fancy words and perfect punctuation

imagine how much better youd feel if you actually dropped the act

the periods and the commas in all the right places

Quidditch Hater #1

I assure you this is no act.

Also, better well-phrased than incoherent.

Harry

see? exactly what i mean

what if you just said what you actually feel

im pretty sure youve been dying to call me a fucking moron at least once by now

maybe even a stupid cunt

nows your chance

Quidditch Hater #1

Your persistence is astounding.

Harry

fine i can start

youre fucking impossible to talk with sometimes

an uptight asshole

and sometimes you remind me of the worst people i know

your turn

hit me

Quidditch Hater #1

Very well.

You are reckless, irritating, and willfully obtuse.

You throw words around, hoping they’ll disguise the fact that you rarely have anything worth saying.

You are impatient and prone to making assumptions that suit your whims.

And I remain unconvinced that your devotion to quidditch is not a convenient distraction from your academic mediocrity.

Harry

okay

not bad

im a dumb jock, what else?

you can do better

Quidditch Hater #1

You’re self-absorbed, inconsiderate, and absurdly overconfident.

You lack subtlety, patience, and any sense of personal boundaries.

Harry

good good

but

just call me a fucking moron please?

just this once

Quidditch Hater #1

Let me guess, you’ll leave me alone if I do?

Fine

You’re a fucking moron

Happy now?

Harry

YES

absolutely fucking happy

Quidditch Hater #1

You’re so childish.

And obstinate.

And disturbingly persistent for someone who clearly doesn’t always think before speaking.

Harry

maybe

but lets continue

i can go next

i fucking hate potions

and history of magic

and trelawney is completely nuts

and i hate people who think theyre entitled to everything just because 

people who think theyre better than others 

people who shove their opinions in your face

people who walk around like the rest of us are just dirt on their shoes

i hate stupid rules that make no sense

i hate teachers who give impossible assignments just to see you squirm

and the way some of them treat students like theyre fucking idiots for asking questions

i hate when people act like exams define your entire worth

i hate when people act fake friendly just to get something out of you

i hate quiddtich fans who think cheering means the players owe them everything

i hate people who gossip and twist things 

i hate pompous assholes in robes thinking their family name makes them better than everyone else

people who treat everyone like pawns

and people who think money means you can do whatever you want

phew

okay i feel better actually

10/10 would recommend 

wanna try?

Quidditch Hater #1

Very well.

I hate quidditch.

I hate the obsession it inspires.

I hate being dragged into it when I have work that actually matters.

And I hate everyone who fawns over quidditch players like they’re gods.

I hate people who interrupt my work with idle chatter.

I hate small talk.

I hate group assignments where half the team is useless yet expects full credit.

I hate entitled brats who think a family name is enough to carry them through life.

And people who fawn over others just for wealth or connections.

I hate teachers who pretend they’re impartial but clearly have favourites.

And I hate teachers who reward mediocrity.

I hate disruption in class.

I hate being forced into pointless social niceties.

I hate when people confuse charm for intelligence

I hate crowds, noise, and the endless parade of superficial distractions

I despise being dragged into events I never wanted to attend

And I hate patrolling quidditch games

I assume this is sufficient?

Harry

okay wow

that was satisfying to read

surprisingly we have some things in common?

teachers who play favourites

people who think money buys everything

people who dont know when the fucking goblin rebellion happened

anyone whos kissing malfoys ass these days

and the list goes on

Quidditch Hater #1

Do not remind me of Malfoy.

Do you have any idea what he said to me the other day? 

Apparently, if there’s any issue with that essay, he can “speak directly” to Professor Binns

I swear, the sheer absurdity of it made my head spin

A ghost. He thinks he can bribe a literal ghost. With what? His family’s gold? His charm?

Does he really think he can bribe a dead guy? Does he even have a brain?

It’s as if his family’s gold has rotted his brain straight out of his skull

Harry

oh my god

what a fucking cunt

just hearing this makes me want to punch his stupid face

Quidditch Hater #1

As if punching his face would be enough

Harry

it wouldnt be enough

but it will be a good start

Quidditch Hater #1

That I can’t disagree with

Harry

oh god

i cant believe we agreed on something

maybe

can you please say "malfoy is a fucking cunt"

just once?

itll feel really good

Quidditch Hater #1

You clearly don't know when to stop, do you?

Harry

okay okay

maybe next time

im still really proud

basically this whole thing felt like a workout??

it feels really satisying

but I also feel all sweaty now

im in the library and some girl is looking at me like im insane

Quidditch Hater #1

Oh, I wonder why

Harry

ill ignore that

also

you have to admit

this was therapeutic right?

right??

hello

[gryffinchat]

Hermione

Harry, are you still talking to that person from last week?

Ron

lmao

that would be pretty funny

Hermione

You mean concerning?

It could be anyone

We don’t even know if they’re actually a student

Some people have bad intentions, you know?

Ron

in the grand scheme of things

texting a stranger is really not that big of a deal

Hermione

Not that big of a deal?

Why would any rational person keep entertaining whatever that is?

It just doesn’t sit right with me

This whole quidditch thing already brings more than enough unwanted attention

To both of you

This is just inviting more of it

Don’t you think?

Ron

what i think is that youre blowing this out of proportions

youre probably overreacting

Hermione

Or maybe you’re underreacting?

I’m just saying that it could range from some stupid prank to someone deliberately trying to stir up trouble

Or maybe something even worse

Ron

that sounds like fiction

like one of those books you read

Hermione

But can you be 100% sure this is just some harmless mistake?

Because I can’t

Ron

ugh

Hermione

Coherent as ever

Ron

well harry has more info on this

that hes clearly not sharing

soo

harry are you still here?

Hermione

Weren’t you two together earlier?

Ron

yeah at practice

then he said he has to work on some potions stuff

so he went to the library

Hermione

Okay, maybe he’s working on that

Harry, just reply back when you’re available please

Just so we know you’re alright

Ron

ive never heard of someone dying from doing potions homework

not that snape hasnt tried, probably

Hermione

Very funny

Also amazing timing

Ron

im just saying

give him a bit, he’ll pop up again

he always does

but yeah its kinda weird hes quiet for this long

Harry

sorry guys i totally missed your texts

Ron

harry mate its been like an hour

Hermione

Is everything alright?

Harry

yeah

of course

im doing great actually

did something happen?

Ron

yo

stop making me take hermiones side

cause shes kinda right

like yes her reasons are dramatic but theyre not completely wrong

but i know you and i know you wont stop

Harry

gee thanks ron

Ron

look i know you find this funny

or whatever

maybe it is

but shes over there worrying

and for a potentially good reason

what im saying is

maybe talk to me about it for now and let her cool down

then it might just blow over

Harry

shut up mr i-dont-have-a-crush-on-hermione-i-just-like-to-protect-her-feelings-but-in-secret

Ron

no you shut up mr-i-text-random-strangers-for-reasons-only-i-know

also stop saying that 

Harry

idk 

i dont 100% understand it

its mostly just funny

it also feels like i can be myself 

as corny as that sounds?

say whatever i want

and all that

theyll just either ignore me or insult me

and i dont even mind that

its kinda nice

Ron

until it blows up in your face

Harry

until it blows up in my face

tho we dont actually know that

Ron

harry mate

your numbers basically public property at this point

every other week youre groaning about some random 4th year hufflepuff youve never even met sending you a love poem over text

i dont understand how this is different

Harry

well for starters

bc they dont know who i am

like actually dont know

Ron

thats if youre even right about this anyway

and anyway

it wouldve taken them a whole lot of 3 minutes to ask around and figure it out

Harry

i get why youd say that

but no

Ron

fine

but still

watch it turn out to be an elaborate scheme to drag you on a date to hogsmeade

i can already imagine the hogwarts prophet article

those nutcases will have a field day

i can already see it

“From Hero to Heartthrob: Potter’s Private Chats Leak into Public Eye”

Harry

ugh

please dont

Ron

no

i have a better one

“A Date With Destiny? Potter Rumored to Accept Private Rendezvous with Mystery Admirer”

Harry

sigh

they can do better than that

im still waiting for somthing to top “Snitch or Snog? Golden Boy Caught Whispering With Granger After Quidditch Win”

Ron

dont forget the one where they thought u were dating me

i think i have a list somewhere on my phone

Harry

ugh 

gives me shivers

fucking cunts

but at least theyre not homophobic cunts i guess

Ron

fuck you

why are we talking about this

this was about you and mystery essay person

Harry

you started this

in any case

it would be the plot twist of the year 

tho if its fake then theyre doing a terrible job

they havent even tried being nice once

Ron

you can joke about it all you want

cant promise i wont say i told you so

[gryffinchat]

Hermione

Look Harry

I’ve thought about it

I’m just worried, that’s all

I know you’re smart and you’ll be careful

And I don’t want to nag too much

Ron

shut up hermione hes an adult

Hermione

Barely

But also, did I miss the part where I was talking to you instead of Harry?

Harry

sorry hermione i know you’re right

i’ll think more about it i promise

and i’ll be careful

also ron stfu and go play 3rd grader somewhere else

Ron

yeah like youre much better off

Hermione

Anyway!

You guys ready for tomorrow’s game?

Ron

never felt particularly threatened by ravenclaw

but im a bit worried about that new kid

Hermione

Oh it’s gonna be her first game right?

Ron

yeah

though she looked promising in practice 

Hermione

Well that’s reassuring

Anything interesting happen today?

Harry

not even my friends understand me sometimes…

Quidditch Hater #1 

Interesting.

I assumed your friends would be similarly deficient in intellect. Perhaps I underestimated them.

Harry

okay so now youre replying back??

also wow okay rude

also

be honest

are you trying to get me on a date to hogsmeade

Quidditch Hater #1

What the actual fuck

Harry

uhm rude

you should know

im actually quite the catch

but also

i feel like were so much closer now??

Quidditch Hater #1

Just shut up

Harry

i do actually need to go to sleep

well first out of the library

so have a good night!!

November 14th

Harry

yo

i assume youre already here right?

unfortunately i cant really chat now

but i trust youll enjoy the game?

Quidditch Hater #1

Delusional as ever.

Harry

cant blame me for trying

wish me luck?

Quidditch Hater #1

Yes, try your best not to fall off your broom and humiliate yourself in front of the entire school.

Harry

no promises but ill try my best

please root for me <3

i unfortunately have to go now

speak later

Harry

heyyyy

guess what

my team actually won

i suppose congratulations are in order????

Quidditch Hater #1

Yes, certainly. Congratulations on proving yourself slightly more competent at chasing a ball on a broomstick than your opponents.

Truly, history will remember this day

Harry

exactly!!

thank you!!!

i knew youd get it

sooo

you watched the game right?

Quidditch Hater #1

I thought we established I didn’t have a choice.

Harry

okayy okayyy fair

but what did you think?

did you enjoy it??

Quidditch Hater #1

No.

Harry

rude

but fine

didnt hurt to try

any chance ure coming to the party??

Quidditch Hater #1

Don’t be ridiculous

Harry

well unlucky for you im in a very very good mood rn

so you can say whatever u want and i still wont mind <3

ahhh but i have to go

everyone is waiting for me sigh

Quidditch Hater #1

Tragic.

This conversation was just becoming so entertaining.

Harry

so you do know how to make a joke??

look at you

i must be rubbing off on you 

Quidditch Hater #1

Thought you had somewhere to be?

Harry

fuck

[gryffinchat]

Hermione

Hey guys

Sorry I left without saying goodbye

But I couldn’t find any of you anywhere

Anyway I have to wake up early tomorrow so I had to leave

So have fun and look after each other okay?

Ron

hrmioneee no

you always do tish

y ru soo much of a party pooper

Hermione

I will pretend you are coherent

Are you alright?

Ron

totally fabulous

Hermione

Can you at least drink some water while you’re at it?

Ron

ur not my mum

if yo care so mch

u shud come back

Hermione

Or you could just slow down a bit? 

You can still have fun without going overboard

Ron

myah

sure

Hermione

Must you act like a child?

Fine but please drink some water

Also what about Harry?

Ron

uhmm

hrrys acting wird

Hermione

Weird?

Weird how?

Ron

hs had a few drnks

now hes on his phone 

dong who knows what

he keep lauhging

i think hes texting someon

Hermione

Please don’t tell me this is what I think it is

Chapter Text

November 14th

07*** *** 023  

heyyy

ure mising out on a pretty nice party

Tom

And you’re telling me this because?

I have assignments to finish tonight. At least some of us at this school care about such things instead of getting drunk.

07*** *** 023  

wow

but its lik soo late already

like… midnight?

u cnt be writing essays now right

?

Tom

Midnight is as good a time as any.

07*** *** 023  

okay okayyyy

but i think you should tak better cart of urself?

likr

dont work on school stuff at midnigh at least?

Tom

And let me guess, you’d rather I waste my time at some juvenile party where half the attendees can’t even walk in a straight line?

07*** *** 023  

i mean

why not

from tim to time at least

bettr than whatever thades tukrnl did

Tom

That wasn’t even close to his name.

And thanks, but I didn’t ask for your recommendations.

07*** *** 023  

yes it ws

also

rude

im just here worryinb abt you but fine…

i guess mt compassion and worries are not needed t all….

so no parties or you? like ever?

Tom

Correct.

I don’t see the appeal of deliberately lowering one’s intelligence and judgment for the sake of noise and chaos.

07*** *** 023  

ur soo dramatic

its nt all chaos

sometimes theres snacks

and music

…and drinks

do u hate slcohol in general or just butterbeer?

Tom

Why would I voluntarily consume something designed to dull my senses and make me act like an idiot?

You’re already doing a convincing demonstration.

I’ve never understood the fascination with it.

07*** *** 023  

oi

im veryyy put togther tyvm

its jst that everyon is celebratinf

and they insisted i should drnk to

so i couldnt refusw

also wowww u sound lik ur 200 yrs old rn

still dont kno ur age so cud be right

…do you knit by candlelight too??

im suddenlt worried for mt safety

or at least i woul be if i listened to my frieds…

Tom

Again, your friends sound much wiser than you.

And for all I know, you’re a first year.

Considering the way you act.

And the way you spell.

07*** *** 023  

ouch…

ill have you know

im a 6th year

okay??

Tom

You’re impossible.

Do you really not care that you’re disclosing so much about yourself?

I don’t even know why I’m bothering.

You’re clearly in no state to have an actual conversation.

Not that it’s much worse than usual.

07*** *** 023  

fine fin

also im not that drunk?

ill show u

and its not lik it was super extra sensitive information 

arent there like hundres of people in each year

you sound just like my friends

again

Tom

Who, again, you might want to be listening to.

07*** *** 023  

okay okayy but answer me ths

did you REALLY hate the game that much?

like not even ONE player was cool??

Tom

And somehow we’re back to this.

Throwing oneself around in midair after a ball is hardly “cool.”

It’s idiotic.

Though I suppose idiocy does seem to appeal to the masses.

07*** *** 023  

ouch again

u do realise ur basically calling me an idiot

tp my face

well, to my texts

Tom

I’m glad you’re catching on.

07*** *** 023  

wow

thanks

ur so nice to me slways

but wait wait waitt

i just realised somethingggg

u already found out im a gryffindor

right

not fair

what am i supposed to do with all this imbalancr in our relationship

Tom

I didn’t “find out”

You keep saying things without thinking.

Also, “relationship” is a really strong word.

In any case, it’s something rather one-sided, if you ask me.

07*** *** 023  

well 

good thing im not askig you then 

we clearly have a texting relationsjip

but sriously

weve talked so much

and i still know almost nothing about u

well aside from last time 

which was eye opning and we should do that again ;)

Tom 

I am not engaging in another childish rant session with you.

07*** *** 023  

in any case! 

indulge me this

ive been told im a very attentive persn

all the signs are pointing to you being a slytherin 

any thoughts on that?

Tom 

As I’ve said before, I value privacy.

You might try learning something from that.

Throwing your personal details at strangers is both reckless and idiotic.

07*** *** 023  

its jst a small little thing

im basicaly 99% sure ure slythering

20% you might be ravenclaw

Tom

Ah, yes. A highly scientific assessment, no doubt conducted under the strictest sobriety.

I’ll be sure to file it with the other invaluable insights you've provided me.

07*** *** 023

ugh whtever

then lets mak it a game

you tell me one thing

ill tell you one thing

Tom 

No. 

I already know about you more than I’d like. 

Entertaining whatever this is would only give you the wrong idea.

07*** *** 023

please just ONE thing

jusr one

ill leave you alone after

pinky promise

Tom

You are impossible.

It depends entirely on what ridiculous thing you plan to ask.

07*** *** 023

okay here goes

are you a dude?

which might be offensive if im wrong

sorry if it is

but in my head youve been a dude the whole time

though maybe im wrong

ofc eithr way is cool!!

i swear i mean this in the nicest way

im not weird about it

god this is coming out wrong

please just answer

if yo want

Tom 

I am a male.

Now leave me alone.

I am going to sleep.

07*** *** 023

woww okay

thats cool ;)

but i thought you were workig on school stuff..

Tom

That was before you made it impossible to focus.

07*** *** 023

awwww

fin fine

go get your beauty sleep

good night!!

and thanks ;)

Tom

Look

I don’t actually care what happens to you

But you should stop drinking

Find your friends

Or just go to bed

Before you make an even bigger fool of yourself

Good night.

07*** *** 023

ohhhh

okay 

sweet dreams!

November 15th

Chang

Hey, Tom!

Just wanted to thank you personally for coming to the game yesterday

It really made a difference having you there!

And sorry it was so last minute :(

Tom

Good morning.

You’re welcome.

Chang

And… I have to say, you didn’t seem quite as miserable as usual ;)

Tom

I was merely fulfilling my duties as a prefect.

Chang

Fair enough

Thanks again!

And have a nice day!

Tom

You as well.

07*** *** 023

dude

my man

my guy

im actually crying

why am i like this

i think im dying

for real thjis time

bury me with my broom

im never drinking again

probably

maybe

Tom

I seem to recall you saying very similar things only one week ago.

07*** *** 023

ok but this time i mean it

the room is literally spinning rn

my head is exploding

my soul is leaving my body

Tom

That would be your own fault.

07*** *** 023

uhm rude

show some compassion

im a victim

Tom

Of your own poor choices.

07*** *** 023

…

anyway

i forgot to tell you yesterday

im actually a dude too

pretty cool right?

so now were even

also what you said last night??

that was actually kinda cute

Tom 

I don’t know what you’re talking about.

And I certainly don’t recall requesting this information.

07*** *** 023

lmao

but now you know

and you were totally worried about me for a hot sec 

right??

Tom

No

07*** *** 023

yeah right

you were like

“find your friends before you embarrass yourself”

which was basically “i care about you” in disguise

Tom

You must be delirious from lack of sleep and a hangover.

07*** *** 023

no

i remember everything perfectly

if you wanna refresh your memory

you just have to scroll up a bit ;)

it also means it will be there forever btw 

anyway

that means were closer

and speaking of closer

Tom

No

07*** *** 023

what do you mean no??

i didnt even ask yet

Tom

I can already tell it’s something ridiculous.

07*** *** 023

its not i swear

so

how old are you?

i keep assuming were the same age 

tho i wasnt kidding about you sounding 200 years old

ill have to trust youre not actually 200 years old…

Tom

Not your concern.

07*** *** 023

so evasive

fine fine

ill have to trust my gut instinct

new question then

whens your birthday?

just the month and day

not the year

Tom

Absolutely not

And why do you even wanna know all this?

07*** *** 023

cos birthdays are nice

i like remembering them

celebrating them

well for some people at least

even if its just a little thing

mines july 31st

fair is fair

Tom

Will you ever stop throwing around information that is supposed to be private?

07*** *** 023

maybe

if you stop being so serious all the time

wait

actually

do you really care about my safety?

Tom

I don’t

07*** *** 023

hmmm

Tom

But watching you give away personal details to strangers is like watching a toddler run into traffic.

A reckless child who will get into trouble sooner rather than later.

07*** *** 023

ouch

harsh

but also… kinda sweet??

Tom

You’re insufferable.

Go drink some water before your last brain cell shrivels up.

07*** *** 023

already did

didnt help

maybe this time ill die for real

would you miss me if i died

Tom

Not likely.

07*** *** 023

:( 

Tom

Go take a nap.

07*** *** 023

okay that doesnt sound half bad

but ill be back!

dont miss me too much

Tom

Just sleep.

If you insist on returning, at least sober up first.

The world will survive without your theatrics for a few hours.

Chapter Text

November 15th

07*** *** 122 

Hey, Harry! :)

Just wanted to say

You were amazing in the match yesterday

You’re like the best seeker we’ve seen in ages

Harry

hi

thanks

that’s nice of you to say!

07*** *** 122 

I was wondering if maybe you’d like to go to hogsmeade together sometime? Like next week?

By the way, I’m Emily

I’m friends with Demelza from the team, we’ve met a couple of times after practice :)

Harry

oh right

hey Emily

i really do appreciate it

but sorry

im not looking for that kind of thing right now

07*** *** 122 

Oh

Right

Sorry, didn’t mean to be weird

Harry

no worries

sorry again

[gryffinchat]

Hermione

Do you really think getting a bacon sandwich is a good idea?

All things considered?

Ron

well im starving

even if i feel like absolute shit

Hermione

Ron, greasy food is not the cure

I can bring you a hangover draught if you want

Ron

i mean

you dont really have to

arent you working on that charms project with that hufflepuff girl

Hermione

Shut up

You’re in the great hall, right?

Ron

yeah

Hermione

I’ll be down in 5 minutes

Ron

you really dont need to

but thank you

Hermione

Harry, if you’re reading this after you wake up and you still feel unwell, I still have some draught left

We are at the Gryffindor table

Harry

hey guys

just woke up yeah

thanks hermione but ill live

Ron

all good?

Harry

kinda

still feel like i got hit by a bludger tbh

tho the nap did help

also woke up to some random person asking me out

so that was fun

Hermione

What??

And in what world do they think that’s acceptable behaviour?

Harry

well

it does get worse after a quidditch game

Ron

bloody hell

some people are relentless

its like theyve got nothing better to do

Hermione

It’s completely inappropriate

There has to be something we can do about this

It happens way too often

Harry

they werent, like, rude

just

you know

the usual

Ron

seriously mate

next time just tell them to sod off

or give me your phone and ill do it for you

i think youre too nice to all these people

Harry

lol

i dont wanna be a jerk about it

so its fine

dont worry about it

Hermione

This time I have to agree with Ron

It’s not being a jerk to have boundaries, Harry

And of course we worry

Harry

thanks guys

i appreciate it

really

just dont think too much about it

Ron

too late

you know me

Harry

its all good

i promise

Harry

hey

whats up?

actually that nap was pretty nice

Mr Irritable Prefect

I imagine your body needed the break after you drowned it in alcohol.

Harry

ouch

hit a man while hes down i guess..

anyway

what are you doing rn?

please dont tell me youre working on assignments

cause i might get another headache

and a nap might not fix it

Mr Irritable Prefect

I am, in fact, studying. I don’t expect you to understand the concept of using time wisely.

Harry

but its sunday :(

youre really making me sad

dont tell me you wanna get all 12 OWLs or something

Mr Irritable Prefect

And what if I do?

I don’t plan to limit myself because others are less capable.

Harry

of course

why did i even ask

im not gonna waste my time saying that its completely insane

cause youll just say “i didnt ask” or something

but it is

Mr Irritable Prefect

I really didn’t ask.

Harry

sigh

what do you do when youre not buried in assignments?

like hobbies and stuff

do you even have time for that?

Mr Irritable Prefect

Why would I answer that?

Harry

i mean

most people have regular hobbies

which is fine

take me for example

i like quidditch (duh)

i like games

i read some comics

i collect a few things here and there

so what i mean is

if you wanted to talk about it

its not like id be able to pinpoint you in a crowd based on your hobbies

not that i would even try that

ugh im not really convincing you to tell me about yourself, right?

Mr Irritable Prefect

No, you aren’t.

Harry

its okay

i was just wondering

since youre always talking about essays and assignments

some people really care about grades and stuff

which is completely alright

but it sounds really stressful

i was just hoping you enjoy doing some other stuff

thats all

Mr Irritable Prefect

You’re relentless

Harry

i dont think i am?

i mean not right now 

anyway

i think i should go eat or something after all

Mr Irritable Prefect

You still sound unwell

Try not to eat anything too heavy. 

Maybe skip greasy stuff and stick to something like soup or toast.

And drink some water.

Harry

oh

thank you

ill do that

Harry

what would you do if someone was suddenly nice to you??

and your stomach did a thing??

cause they were like pretty rude before

hypothetical situation ofc

Ron

hypothetical my ass

what do you mean your stomach did a thing???

who is this about??

and why are you texting me and not the group chat??

you know im not the one with the good advice around here

im so confused??

Harry

uhhh

the stomach thing was probably because im still hungover

ignore it

also

you said to text you and not drag hermione into this?

Ron

i said what

when did i say that

wait wait 

is this about that person

with the essay thing??

Harry

uhh

would that be weird?

Ron

well

hermione would freak out

also shes like next to me at the table??

but ure lucky shes talking to luna rn

Harry

im sorry :c

Ron

no its fine

i mean

its slightly concerning

but not the most concerning thing ive ever seen you doing

anyway

what is this about?

Harry

well

ughh

kinda hard to explain

lemme show you

one sec

Ron

sure sure

Harry

[screenshot of the earlier conversation, last part]

Ron

lmao what

and whats up with “Mr Irritable Prefect”??

ill ignore how embarrassing that was to read

but are they a prefect?? 

Harry

NO

hes not a prefect

thats just 

an inside joke

Ron

so its a dude?

you know that?

Harry

yes yes

but not relevant rn

Ron

you do know i know all the other prefects right?

at least briefly

we have a groupchat and all

wait

you can give me his number and i can check there

just to confirm 

Harry

no

hes really not a prefect

so its alright

anyway!

if we can move past that

to the actual issue at hand please?

Ron

fine

you know better

okay so

he told you to eat toast

Harry

yes

but no

thats not all

you have to see the bigger picture

Ron

what i see is that

my initial impression was totally correct

he totally sounds like hermione

like

i swear she told me the exact same thing earlier

anyway jokes aside

if hes nice to you now

then im actually glad

Harry

well only sometimes

like 2 or 3 times actually

but still

Ron

…

i sighed so loud that even hermione was like “???”

anyway

you seem to be happy 

with whatever it is you 2 are talking about

but dont forget about that thing from earlier

it was literally like half an hour ago

but im gonna remind you anyway

its okay to have boundaries

especially with people you dont know and trust

okay?

Harry

okay

Ron

good

just keep me updated

especially if anything weird happens

Harry

yes hermione

Ron

shut up

anyway

you coming down?

dinners about to start

kept you a spot

Harry

yess

ill be down in 5

Harry

i have a question

Mr Irritable Prefect

I thought you were going to eat?

Harry

i totally am

i was just thinking

what do you have me saved as in your phone??

Mr Irritable Prefect

I didn’t save your contact.

Harry

:( 

but i totally saved yours

as something very nice

Mr Irritable Prefect

I doubt that.

And I don’t want to know.

Harry

i wouldnt tell you anyway

its private and all

as some would say, privacy is v important

but you really need to brainstorm a few names

consider this your assignment for today

since you like assignments so much

ill come back later and check ;)

need to run now

Mr Irritable Prefect

I truly don’t know what to say to you half the time

Harry

im backk

feeling somewhat better even

did you think of anything??

Mr Irritable Prefect

No

I have better things to do than indulge whatever childish nonsense you come up with

Harry

:( 

you do realise

you just said homework is better than talking to me

even history of magic?

i do have feelings you know

:( 

Mr Irritable Prefect

Fine

I just saved your contact

Will you stop with this juvenile emotional manipulation?

Which, for the record, isn’t even working

Harry

omg 

:) 

what did you save me as???

Mr Irritable Prefect

Didn’t say I’d tell you.

Harry

whaaaaat :c

but that was the point of the whole thing

Mr Irritable Prefect

You know, it’s private and all.

As some would say, privacy is very important.

Harry

oh my god

id be angry

but that was good ngl

so ill let you win this round

…anyway

what are you working on rn

bc i assume you are working on something

Mr Irritable Prefect

Astronomy. 

And potions. 

Harry

okaayy

that sounds

horrible actually

but can we take a moment to set the record straight??

bc otherwise ill keep thinking about it

and asking every day ;)

do you ever do other stuff?

you dont need to say what

just say yes or no?

Mr Irritable Prefect

Yes

Harry

okaaaaay

okay

thats great

im actually glad :)

but

now im curious :( 

Mr Irritable Prefect

I shouldn’t be surprised.

You’re always curious.

Don’t push it

Harry

cant you tell me one thing :c

just one thing you like

its important

Mr Irritable Prefect

You’re impossible to talk to

Every conversation with you is like sinking in quicksand

Harry

pleasee 

:( 

Mr Irritable Prefect

Fine.

But this is the last question I’ll answer tonight.

Understood?

Harry

promise

Mr Irritable Prefect

Chess.

When there’s a worthy opponent.

Harry

ohhh

really??

i like chess too

im not amazing

but my friends obsessed with it so ive practiced a bit

maybe we should play together sometime??

Mr Irritable Prefect

No

Harry

welp

i tried

and you keep saying im the one whos childish

but ngl you did make me feel better all considering

so ill ignore this ;)

for now

Mr Irritable Prefect

Then I assume we’re finished here.

Indulging your endless stream of nonsense is exhausting and I'm busy enough.

Harry

wait

actually

i wanted to ask you for some advice

maybe not exactly advice

or idk

i just wanted to mention like one thing that happened today?

if thats alright

Mr Irritable Prefect

I can’t stop you from typing.

Harry

yeah 

i know

its not exactly what i asked tho

you know what

nvm

Mr Irritable Prefect

No

Just say it

Harry

was that so hard??

Mr Irritable Prefect

Since when do you need my permission to talk?

You throw words at me constantly

Harry

this times different

its a bit more personal

Mr Irritable Prefect

Alright

Go on

Harry

ooookay fine

uh

its not a big deal really

its just that sometimes people randomly approach me 

and they already expect something from me

and its weird

cause i feel like i should be grateful

like they mean well and all

and sometimes its harmless

like just a compliment or whatever

though sometimes its more

but i should be grateful right?

like oh wow thank you so much thats flattering

but im not

i hate it

and then if i say no, i feel like im being rude and ungrateful

and if i say yes then it doesnt even feel like me anymore

so either way i lose

and my friends tell me i should just tell them to sod off

but i cant

because i cant exactly snap at someone who just called me brilliant or whatever

its like

if i say no too strongly then im the bad guy

but if i say yes then i feel like im not even myself

and it all gets stuck in my head

but it does make me angry

like really angry sometimes

im clearly not gonna go ahead and entertain some random people for the sake of it

but then i feel bad about it all day

if that makes sense

Mr Irritable Prefect

Look

Gratitude isn’t an obligation

You don’t owe strangers anything just because they ask

If you let them, they’ll keep asking

Saying no is not as bad as you seem to believe

Harry

you do sound like someone who knows how to say no

i can tell

after all, you tell me no every other sentence

i do say no too, like all the time

 its just that it doesnt always feel good after

sometimes it makes me feel guilty

and sometimes it makes me furious at the same time

and i dont even know which is worse

cause i end up feeling both

and i dont want to drag my friends into it

cause when i do i regret it

they just get all worked up for me

Mr Irritable Prefect

Keeping it bottled up won’t make it disappear

Since I met you, you’ve been stubborn, reckless, and completely indifferent to what I think of you

And yet when strangers press you, suddenly you care

Why?

Harry

its different

we dont know each other and you dont expect much from me

but with them

if i dont handle it perfectly

then suddenly im ungrateful

or arrogant

Mr Irritable Prefect

And that’s bad because?

Harry

because

i dont know

it just feels wrong

Mr Irritable Prefect

I do understand the benefit of maintaining good relations with certain people for the sake of having useful connections

But the whole school? That's absurd

Are you here to collect meaningless acquaintances?

Harry

probably easier for you to say

if you talk to everyone like you talk to me

i can see why you dont have this problem

Mr Irritable Prefect

Contrary to what you seem to believe, I don’t always say exactly what I want

Only a fool would

This world rewards idiots with power or famous last names, and sometimes you’re forced to nod along

But there’s a difference between strategy and flattery

I won’t waste time coddling people just because they pay me a compliment

Most of them are useless

So why should I play along with their nonsense?

Harry

okay wow

that was intense

and rather harsh

but not directed at me <3

(i think)

(right?)

so ill take it

Mr Irritable Prefect

Don’t test your luck

Harry

when do I ever

wait dont reply to that

anyway believe it or not but i do feel better

its always nice when you insult other people and not only me

and i got to say some stuff out loud

well, out through texts

Mr Irritable Prefect

Your ability to turn everything into a joke is astounding

Harry

right?

some would say its one of my most defining qualities

dont reply to this either

but thank you :)

Mr Irritable Prefect

All I did was state the obvious

Harry

yeah

sure :)

anywayyy

how was your day? :)

November 24th

Harry

so 

youre saying that i deserved it?

Mr Irritable Prefect

Yes

Harry

you should be on my side

why are you on snapes side

Mr Irritable Prefect

Because naturally I’m on the side of whoever the other person is

Harry

…

im just saying

theres always something exploding in potions

like every week

but how come hes only giving me detention

and he knew i had quidditch practice

he really has it out for me

Mr Irritable Prefect

He has it out for anyone who’s incompetent

Harry

:( 

i just dont wanna get detention every other week

Mr Irritable Prefect

Have you considered doing better?

Harry

now youre just being unreasonable

and its like you didnt even miss talking to me

Mr Irritable Prefect

On the contrary

I finally had a peaceful and quiet evening

Harry

oh shut up

[gryffinchat]

Harry

hey

fyi

im out of detention

Ron

oh wow

you were gone for a while

all good?

Hermione

Yeah, it’s rather late for detention :(

How was it?

Harry

yeah i know

it was alright

just boring

anything interesting happen?

how was practice?

oi

why are you suddenly ignoring me

ure hurting my feelings

just got out of detention

and no one wants to talk to me

u probably wouldnt even notice

if i stayed in there forever

Hermione

Sorry Harry

Just one sec

Something came up

Also, that’s not true

Ron

oh my god

cho just sent a message to the prefect groupchat

about starting decorating for christmas

i dont even know what to say

like

i would rather get detention

Harry

lmao what

…its november??

Ron

EXACTLY

shes lost it

whats next??

easter eggs in february??

Hermione

She hasn’t “lost it” Ron

She’s Head Girl

It’s literally her job to organise things

And technically it’s almost December anyway

Ron

still november though

Hermione

And she said we’d start next week, not right this second

Did you even read the whole message?

Ron

i read enough

it had the word “christmas” in it and i stopped there

im not ready for holiday madness

honestly why is time moving so fast??

Hermione

Or maybe you’re too slow?

Ron

fair enough

but still

next thing you know we’ll suddenly be graduating

Hermione

There’s more than a year until then though?

Ron

is it?

time doesnt feel real anymore

Harry

suddenly i feel better

you know why?

i just remembered christmas is like sooo close

thats amazing right?

you know what i love most about christmas?

the whole school is decorated just so nice

so magical

wouldnt you say?

of course it probably takes a looong time to decorate this huge ass castle

but its really worth it

right?

Chapter Text

November 24th

[Hogwarts Prefects 202X]

Chang

Hey everyone! :)

I hope you’re all doing well, and sorry for the late hour

Just wanted to let you know that with December just around the corner, it’s about time to get started on the Christmas decorations

As prefects, we’ll be helping out to make sure the castle looks festive this year as well, so I hope everyone is as excited as I am

We’ll spread it over 4 days, so it’s not too overwhelming. Ideally, it would be great if everyone could join at least one or two sessions, but feel free to come for more if you’d like

Here’s the plan:

• Day 1 (Friday, 5-8pm): Great Hall & Entrance Hall
• Day 2 (Saturday, 1-4pm or 5-8pm): Corridors & common spaces
• Day 3 (Sunday, 1-4pm or 5-8pm): Library & staircases 
• Day 4 (Monday, 5–8pm): Classrooms

Please let me know which day(s) you’re able to join so that we keep track. Thanks so much in advance!

Parkinson

Hey Cho

I can do Saturday

07*** *** 001  

I can come on Saturday & Sunday

07*** *** 951

I'm available on Friday & Monday

07*** *** 771 

Me too

Menace

oi

dont tell me you dropped dead the second you heard the news

did you??

Tom

Died? No

Instead, I’ve apparently been conscripted into hanging bits of glittering rubbish all over the castle, while pretending any of this matters

As if draping holly around a staircase is somehow essential to education

It’s a farce

Meaningless. Just a performance

A colossal waste of time

Hours stolen from me so the rest of the school can gawk at some gaudy tree that will be wilted and dead before the new year

Menace

okaaay wow

so i take it you dont like christmas much?

Tom

What’s to like?

It’s an overrated excuse for gluttony and sentimentality

And a spectacle of waste. People gorge themselves, bury each other in things they don’t even need

And everyone’s pretending they’ve achieved some grand sense of belonging because they’ve wrapped everything in red ribbon

When in reality it’s hollow

Temporary

Gone in a week

And people insist it means something

It doesn’t

Why anyone wastes their time on it is beyond me

Menace

yknow

i cant exactly argue with you there

i never really cared that much about christmas tbh

Tom

That’s surprising

I’d have expected you to enjoy all the childish and pointless pleasures people usually cling to 

Menace

dont misunderstand

i dont think christmas is bad 

and i especially dont think people who enjoy it are childish or stupid

its just never been much of an occasion for me

not in the way it seems to be for everyone else

i used to be jealous of people who got that

still am sometimes

Tom

That sounds more like you

Ever the advocate for everyone else’s happiness, even while you admit you don’t get any of it yourself

Menace

i suppose it does

but anyway

if all these ridiculous and over the top decorations actually cheer people up

i think its all worth it

even if it makes a certain prefect very, very grumpy

Tom

Try furious

The mere idea that I should waste even a minute of my time for this

It’s just insulting

Menace

aha!

so you didnt actually deny youre a prefect

not that i didnt actually know btw

it feels good getting a confirmation tho

we should do that more often ;)

Tom

I didn’t confirm anything

You make assumptions and draw your own conclusions regardless of what I say, so why bother?

Menace

well

i have to make assumptions because you wont tell me anything??

like your birthday for example

still waiting on that one

dont think i forgot

because i didnt

Tom

Birthdays are yet another pointless formality 

Maybe even more hollow than Christmas

Why should I be dragged into that? I refuse to celebrate

People pretend to care for a single day, showering each other in empty words and hollow gifts, and I’m expected to play along?

When they’re only nice for twenty-four hours and then go back to their indifference

I refuse to be tricked into that farce

Menace

okay shouldve expected that

my bad i guess

but i do actually care

and its annoying cause youll go ahead and believe whatever doom scenario you like best

cant you just not make all these assumptions?

youre so frustrating sometimes

its like talking to a brick wall 

Tom

And you think you don’t frustrate me?

Always trying to dig into places you have no business being

And don’t get me started on how you wear yourself thin trying to care for everyone, and then probably think it makes you noble

Menace

and youre a stuck up know-it-all who thinks hes way too smart to have fun like the rest of us sometimes 

like it personally offends you that people enjoy chasing a ball in the air

or looking at a christmas tree

Tom

Both thrilling uses of time, I’m sure

You either lack imagination or have no sense of value

Menace

and youre so condescending its actually painful

seriously you act like youre 50 sometimes

its like you only enjoy doing homework and being judgemental

and i hate both of those

and youre also a prat

huge prat

Tom

And you act like you’re a literal child

Tell me, are you sure you’re a 6th year?

Because I’m starting to seriously doubt it

I’ve dealt with enough of them to know most sure are irritating, but none quite manage this level of childishness

Menace

are you a 6th year then?

Tom

Nice try

Menace

:) 

worth a shot

okaaay

wow

i feel all the tension leaving my body already

im light as a feather

btw you caused all that tension but i digress

i even forgot about snape for a hot sec

sooo 

do you feel better now?

Tom

As if ranting to you could erase the fact that I’m still expected to waste hours of my life on this charade

Menace

then we just have to keep going

come on, tell me more about how terrible it all is

or how childish i am

we have plenty of time for you to complain to me some more

dont tell me youve got more assignments because im not buying it

no dont go

pleaseeee

Tom

Shut up for a minute

I need to sort this out first

Menace

:) 

alright

you get exactly one minute

[Hogwarts Prefects 202X]

Chang

Thanks so much for replying so quickly, everyone!

Here’s what the schedule looks like so far:

Friday: Hermione, Ron, Zachary, Susan, Ernie, Sebastian, Florence

Saturday: Pansy, Padma, Susan, George, Sebastian, Felix, Hannah

Sunday: Padma, Ginny, George, Amelia

Monday: Hermione, Ron, Amelia

For anyone who hasn’t replied yet, please let me know by tomorrow evening if possible, in case we need to switch things around

It looks like Sunday and Monday are the trickiest days in terms of availability, so if you can help out on those, it would be really appreciated!

07*** *** 225

I can come on Monday

07*** *** 099

You can count me in for Sunday

Chang

Heya Tom

You know... I can see you reading the messages and not replying

I know you don’t like being bossed around, but I also know you’ll help anyway

So… which day can I put you down for? :)

Tom

I'm still considering my options.

But fine, I can do Monday.

Chang

Exactly what I thought

You're the best ;)

Menace

oi

are you done

its been a few minutes already

dont tell me you actually died this time

you shouldve at least left me some last words

like “dear friend, my birthday actually is…”

Tom

I won’t dignify that with a reply

But yes

I’ve “done my duty”

I had no choice but to sign up for draping ribbons in some classroom I don’t even use

Pointless busywork

Do you know how much of my time is stolen with these idiotic demands? 

Patrols, meetings, now this ridiculous theatre of wasteful decoration

Menace

okay but like

serious question

and you dont have to answer if you dont want to

but why are you even doing this then?

i know you can actually refuse to be a prefect

my mate keeps complaining about saying yes and losing loads of free time

and honestly you dont exactly seem like the type who enjoys smiling politely and wasting hours patrolling corridors

so why bother?

Tom

I have to consider the long game, not just the present

Our time at Hogwarts may be temporary, but everything that happens here matters

It’s the starting ground for the rest of your life

I’d rather leave this place with the best possible starting conditions

Menace

okay thats reasonable

i do admit i never actually thought that much about my wizarding resume or whatever

Tom

Shocking

Truly

Menace

oh shut up

let me guess though

you wanna be head boy next year?

Tom

Yes

Menace

knew it

why did i even ask

i think my friend is definitely gunning for head girl too

honestly you two would probably get along frighteningly well

youre both annoyingly clever and bossy

the ultimate menace duo who wont let anyone forget the rules

Tom

That’s rich, coming from you

You’re practically the definition of a menace yourself

Menace

im not a menace!

Tom

Right

Whatever helps you feel better about yourself

Menace

it would help if you were less of a condescending prat

not that im holding my breath

but you do realise being head boy means even more work, right?

basicallt pointless busywork 2.0

patrols, meetings, speeches, the whole thing

youre going to hate it

Tom

Responsibility is hardly a burden when it grants influence

I can endure the nonsense if it positions me where I want to be

Menace

and where would that be?

you do kinda give off the vibe of someone who already has it all figured out

Tom

Somewhere I decide

A position where no one else dictates what I can or cannot do

Where I hold the authority to shape things instead of being shaped by them

Menace

so

like politics or something?

Tom

It’s a possibility

Menace

hmm

i mean

it makes sense

youd probably be terrifyingly good at convincing other people youre right 

and getting them to follow you

but honestly? i dont really see you in politics

like sure, youd crush it 

but to me the whole thing looks a bit miserable

always handshakes and fake smiles

pretending to care about people you cant stand

what i mean is

youre always studying, always doing every assignment

even bloody history of magic

you want to get all 12 OWLs, right?

so you probably have more options than most people here

i can totally see you doing something bigger than being stuck in meetings all day

like

idk

becoming the wizard who invents the next big spell

or writing the book every student here ends up using for decades

or making breakthroughs in magic that no ones ever thought of

i think all these sound more fitting

Tom

You’re really naive, as much as you’re well-intentioned

You make it sound as if this is some fairytale

As if genius alone is enough

You wake up one morning, scribble something into a notebook, and suddenly the world kneels in awe at your bestseller

It doesn’t work that way

This world doesn’t reward brilliance

It rewards names, influence, bloodlines

You could discover the potion of immortality itself, and it wouldn’t matter

Someone else would take it, slap their name on it, and history would forget you ever existed

The only way to make sure you’re remembered is to be in a position where no one can take that from you

Menace

no

i dont think the worlds fair

trust me, i know its not

some people get everything handed to them

while most get nothing

but i also think youre wrong about one thing

every now and then someone does manage it

someone who doesnt have the right name or family or influence

they still find a way to matter

maybe theyre not mentioned in every history book there is

but many people remember them for who they actually were

and honestly

if you were the one to discover the potion of immortality or write the next book everyone studies

i dont think anyone could take the credit from you

not really

youd never let them

Tom

You’re not entirely wrong

But you underestimate just how easily this world swallows people whole

Menace

maybe

but you dont seem the type to get easily swallowed 

Tom

All this sudden flattery won’t achieve anything, you know

Save your heartfelt commentary for someone else

Menace

not particularly trying to achieve anything here

Tom

Fine

How about you, then?

I imagine you’re looking forward to some quidditch career, or whatever non-academic pursuit you’ve managed to distract yourself with

Menace

oh

well

i wouldnt actually say that?

i really like quidditch 

but doing it for years and years?

i dont know

Tom

That does surprise me

If not quidditch, then what? I can’t imagine you’ve got many other options

With the way you’re always on your phone instead of studying

Menace

oi

thats not true

i could become an auror

like my parents

or open a shop or something

or maybe itll be me wholl write the next bestseller

Tom

An Auror, perhaps

With how reckless you are, it wouldn’t be out of character

But an author?

I doubt you could string together a paragraph without slipping into one of your ridiculous tangents

Menace

welp 

i dont really know at the moment

but ill have to make it work somehow

Tom

You do strike me as the type of person who always makes it work somehow

Even if it’s through questionable, juvenile means

Menace

is this you saying a nice thing about me in your own way?

Tom

No

Menace

i could get used to this you know

Tom

Don’t

Menace

already did

and you cant take it back

Tom

You really do have a talent for twisting words until they sound like whatever you want to hear

Menace

anothet one of my most defining qualities ive been told

Tom

You are exhausting

And it’s already late enough

Menace

i cant disagree with that

my eyes are lik closing rn

snape did a number on mr

tho it feels like so long ago tbh

also i didt forget you saying it was my fault

if really wast

ill give u a recap

and yoll see

Tom

If you’re this tired, can’t you just stop typing?

You can waste my time with your recap tomorrow instead

Menace

okaaaaay

fine

but only bc im alredy half asleep

have a good night!!!!11

Tom

Good night

Chapter Text

November 28th

Harry

[photo of a pile of books stacked haphazardly across a library table]

send help

i might not make it

Mr Grinch Prefect

No

Harry

okay then at least send me a photo as well

what r u up to

Mr Grinch Prefect

No

Harry

rude

but

you know what i think

i bet you take photos like a grandpa

like all blurry

thumb over the lens

terrible angles

Mr Grinch Prefect

I thought you were behind on homework?

Otherwise I can’t fathom why you’d voluntarily be in the library

Maybe try making use of your time instead of annoying me

Harry

:(

im trying

im just taking a break thats all

are you out patrolling rn?

Mr Grinch Prefect

Yes

Harry

im just keeping you company then

didnt you complain its really boring?

Mr Grinch Prefect

I couldn’t bear to deprive you of the joy of cramming last-minute

That would be too cruel

Harry

:( 

but youre more than welcome

Mr Grinch Prefect

How generous

But the answer is still no

Harry

fine fine

ill keep writing my essay

do you wanna play truth or dare?

Mr Grinch Prefect

Do you want to actually make it to 7th year?

Harry

i dont know anymore :( 

is it really worth it?

Mr Grinch Prefect

Perhaps not

Perhaps you’ll find great fulfilment sleeping under a bridge somewhere

Or begging for spare sickles out and about in Diagon Alley

A true man of the people

Harry

im gonna start crying

i hate my life

but FINE

i guess ill go continue

thanks for nothing i guess

Mr Grinch Prefect

Try not to set anything on fire in the process

Other people are actually using the library for its intended purpose

Harry 

shut up

[gryffinchat]

Harry

yo guys

what r u up to

anything fun?

Ron

harry

just in time

can you please save me

i need your help

like rn

Harry

uhm what

i was hoping youd save me 

but sure go on

Hermione

Ignore him

He’s clearly exaggerating 

Ron

no im not?

i just need harry to call cho chang

and tell her that theres been an emergency and i need to leave

if its you she might listen

Harry

pls dont remind of that whole thing

Ron

im sorry mate

didnt wanna go there

i just need a way out :( 

Hermione

Or you can just do the work you signed up for?

Ron

oh shut up

decorating the entrance hall is way easier compared to the great hall

Harry

then i suppose youre in the great hall?

Ron

yes

literally the biggest room in the entire castle

it just never ends

and i swear there are even more christmas trees than last year

Harry

why are you 2 not together then?

Ron

idk 

ask cho

she split us up for no reason

Harry

and you didnt ask why?

Ron

she scares me sometimes

i think its that smile when shes clearly pissed off

Harry

fair enough

cant say i dont see it

Ron

you know whats worse

i have to do this thing again on monday

all thanks to hermione

Hermione

You signed up for that yourself though?

Ron

only because you did!

which, by the way, i still dont understand

but anyway

i just thought youd expect me to come too

since we usually do these things together

Hermione

I really did not?

I really didn’t drag you into anything this time

And I actually enjoy it

It’s relaxing and it makes the castle feel homely before the holidays

Honestly, Ron, we already had this conversation

Ron

fine fine

im not saying i regret it

i just dont understand why i have to do this on monday again

Harry

guys

this is the opposite of cheering me up

now i feel worse

guess its a sign i should go back to my homework after all…

Ron

lol youre still not done??

Hermione

Harry, good luck with your homework

And let me know if you need help with anything, I have some time later

Harry

thanks hermione dw about it

go finish wrapping ribbons or whatever it is youre doing

Ron

then what about me?

Hermione

Just come here and let’s talk to Cho

Ron

<3

Mr Grinch Prefect

Are you still alive?

Harry

awwww

so you actually care about me??

Mr Grinch Prefect

No, but a death in the library would probably lead to it being closed for at least a couple of days

That would be highly inconvenient for me

Harry

:( 

Mr Grinch Prefect

Though I’m surprised you went 3 hours without saying anything

Did you actually make any progress?

Harry

actually yes!

i told you i can do it

Mr Grinch Prefect

Colour me surprised

Harry

im not done tho :( 

Mr Grinch Prefect

That sounds more like you

Harry

but!

i made enough progress that i can go to hogsmeade tomorrow and not feel super guilty

well, at least for a couple of hours

then ill crawl back here and keep suffering </3

but it should be enough for now

also btw

youre not going right?

Mr Grinch Prefect

Actually, I am

Harry

wait what??

for real???

how come?

dont you hate everything about it?

Mr Grinch Prefect

I just think it’s a waste of time

But I refused Malfoy last time and I cannot refuse forever

It would be counterproductive

Harry

ohh

thats really unexpected

if it were me, i would keep refusing him

and maybe throw in a punch to his stupid face for good measure

Mr Grinch Prefect

Unfortunately, some people have to take into consideration more than whatever fleeting impulse crosses their mind at that moment

Not that you’d know much about that

Harry

sounds stressful ngl

but its not gonna be just the 2 of you right?

Mr Grinch Prefect

Indeed

He always assures me that “the company will be worthwhile”

Not that I’m entirely convinced

Harry

okay thats better

i think

im pretty sure there are tons of nice slytherins out there

hell, even malfoy is probably nicer to you than he is to me

so maybe itll go alright

but let me give you a recommendation actually

Mr Grinch Prefect

I don’t recall asking for one

Harry

doesnt matter

also i just totally implied youre a slytherin and you didnt deny

but anyway old news

honeydukes still has their limited autumn menu out!

for a couple more days

theyve got like pumpkin fudge, spiced apple drops, toffee-apple cauldrons

all kinds of good stuff

i said id try the cauldron tomorrow

but treacle tart is still the best tbh

like no questions asked

everything else is fighting for second place

but all are really good i promise

Mr Grinch Prefect

Fascinating

I really didn’t ask though

Harry

:( 

you seriously need more sugar in your life

im starting to feel sorry for malfoy if this is his hogsmeade company for tomorrow

and i never thought id say that

Mr Grinch Prefect

Maybe you should put all this boundless energy towards your Potions essay

Which, I hear, is far from finished

Harry

:( 

i know youre right

but as much as i want to enjoy my toffee cauldron tomorrow without feeling guilty

i really dont have the energy to continue rn

but

serious question

have you ever heard of snape giving extra homework to anyone?

cause im pretty sure its only me at this point

Mr Grinch Prefect

That’s the sort of thing I’d expect Goyle to get

Though I haven’t heard of even him being buried under extra work the way you are every other week

Harry

see?

its just me then

snape has it out for me

and like

i try but i still feel like im behind everyone else in that class

half the time i dont even understand what i did wrong

and snape doesnt care

he just glares and gives me extra homework 

like thats supposed to magically fix it

Mr Grinch Prefect

Or perhaps you could try paying more attention

Harry

wow thanks

so helpful

seriously though

whats the point?

im not gonna need to brew perfect potions for the rest of my life

so why do i have to suffer through all of this?

Mr Grinch Prefect

You sound really short-sighted

Potions are fundamental

Medicine, for one 

Without potions you’d be dead the first time you so much as broke a bone

There are antidotes, enhancers, protective brews

Entire branches of knowledge that can alter the body or sharpen the mind

There’s more subtlety to potions than most magic

Wandwork is crude in comparison

A well-brewed potion can mean the difference between life and death

And yes, precision, discipline and foresight are all required to master it

But when you do master it, the possibilities can be endless

It’s not just throwing ingredients into a cauldron

It’s knowing how one property enhances another, how timing alters results

Many wizards lack the patience for it

Which is why very few ever come close to true mastery

But those who do can achieve things that go far beyond anything a spell could accomplish

Harry

im not daft enough to disagree with that

also holy shit

i didnt know you like potions that much

Mr Grinch Prefect

Everyone has their preferences

Harry

and i guess i shouldnt be surprised with yours

but seriously

i wish i could feel like that about potions

cause i do have classes i actually love

like DADA or charms

even transfiguration

stuff that makes sense to me

but potions?

sometimes i really try and i still get bad marks anyway

so then i stop trying cause whats the point if snapes gonna fail me no matter what

Mr Grinch Prefect

What exactly are you struggling with right now?

Harry

uhm

the draught of living death

i messed it up

and snape told me to write this huge essay on it

and i have to redo it next time

Mr Grinch Prefect

Alright

I think I know a book that explains it better than the useless drivel in your standard text

This one covers the origins

How it was first brewed, why each ingredient was chosen, how their properties interact

Give me a few minutes to confirm

Harry

:o 

okay

i totally expected you to tell me im hopeless and then move on

which btw wouldve been completely fair and alright

but still

i mean

thank you so much?

Mr Grinch Prefect

You do realise you’ll have to do the reading and the work yourself, right?

Harry

yeah

but still

snape never had that much patience with me

so thanks

really

Mr Grinch Prefect

Just finish the essay first

Also, I found the book

So

November 29th

Harry

[photo of a cauldron cake with apple-toffee filling bubbling over the rim, inside Honeydukes]

actually this was pretty good

almost worth it being asked out when trying to enjoy it in peace

well

still better than the one from yesterday

someone asked me out in the great hall

at breakfast

while i had toast in my mouth

i guess i admire the determination

Mr Grinch Prefect

I don’t think you do

Harry

yeaaah

i dont really

but anyway

i really recommend this

you should totally try it

what r u up to?

Mr Grinch Prefect

Getting ready

So I’m afraid I can’t fully devote myself to humoring your endless rambling

Harry

rude

i bet youre the type to show up to the meeting spot 20 minutes early

no wait

that would be a “waste of time” for you

so probably the exact second on the clock, right?

Mr Grinch Prefect

Punctuality is not a crime

And as I said, I need to get ready

Harry

fiiiine

i need to go back anyway

and read that book you told me about

btw thanks again

and hopefully finish my essay

but listen

if youre bored when youre out

you can text me

im just one message away

and i can keep you entertained

make it bearable 

or whatever 

Mr Grinch Prefect

I’m painfully aware

Harry

fine fine

just go

wouldnt want you to be late

and ruin your reputation

enjoy hogsmeade!!

Mr Grinch Prefect

[photo of a slice of treacle tart with a cup of tea in the background, inside Honeydukes]

Harry

wait wait

what

is this a prank

or did you actually convince malfoy to go to honeydukes??

no wait

more important question

did you like it???

or did you actually eat it yourself?

so many questions

still not sure this is not some prank

Mr Grinch Prefect

I did eat it

It was acceptable I suppose

Though very sweet

Clearly intended for children who’ve never encountered flavor more complex than sugar

Harry

okaaaay

acceptable?

thats basically a 5 star review coming from you

wow

Mr Grinch Prefect

You clearly don’t know what acceptable means

Harry

and the photo!!

look at you with your angles and composition

dare i say its even… aesthetic

not even close to a grandpa photo

are you one of those people who are secretly good at everything??

that would be a bit frustrating

but i digress

i cant believe you actually tried it?

also what did malfoy say??

did he seriously just follow you into honeydukes?

Mr Grinch Prefect

I don’t really see how what he said matters

Harry

i guess in the grand scheme of things it really doesnt

im just like

really surprised

like whats next

will you suddenly ask me to meet up?

Mr Grinch Prefect

Don’t be ridiculous

Harry

fiiine

fine 

youre no fun

im still like really happy tho

thanks for giving it a try <3

i appreciate it

like really

ah youre still out with them right?

Mr Grinch Prefect

Yes

Harry

is it bearable?

Mr Grinch Prefect

Barely 

Harry

then you should let me keep you company

ive heard im excellent entertainment ;)

Mr Grinch Prefect

That would be rather impolite

And you have to finish your essay

Harry

okay okaay

youre not wrong

then wanna chat later?

when were both done?

Mr Grinch Prefect

Yes

Harry

<3

[gryffinchat]

Harry

i think i ate too many sweets

my stomachs acting weird

Hermione

Is it really bad?

If it doesn’t settle, you should go see Madam Pomfrey

Better safe than sorry

Ron

mate but you only had like one apple cauldron and one chocolate frog though??

Chapter Text

November 30th

Malfoy

Hey

Had a good time in Hogsmeade yesterday

We should do it again sometime

Actually

Next Saturday, Slytherin’s playing Hufflepuff

Do you wanna come?

We always have the best seats reserved

Well, I’ll be on the pitch obviously, but the others will be there watching

Or will you be patrolling the game?

Tom

No, I won’t be on patrol.

But I’ll have to check my schedule.

Malfoy

Sure

No worries

Tom

Malfoy just invited me to the quidditch game next Saturday

Menace

lmao what

thats gross

…is what i would normally say

absolutely 

but

i always picture you stuck in some corner of the library

breathing in dust and spiderwebs

slaving over your history of magic essay

looking like youre half dead

Tom

And your point is?

Menace

my point is

i think itd do you good to go out

get some fresh air

touch some grass

all that good stuff

Tom

I’m sure getting fresh air and touching grass must both be thrilling activities for you

But my time is more valuable than that

Menace

ughh 

i knew youd say that

but youre the one who went on and on about connections and how useful they are

and as much as it makes me want to throw up

malfoy is kind of the poster child for people with powerful names and lots of money

Tom

I haven’t forgotten

It’s just that quidditch is a tedious display of people flying in circles, chasing after balls

Which is even harder to forget

Menace

ugh thank god

for a second i thought you were actually tempted to become malfoys friend

if that ever happens ill die on the spot

Tom

Don’t be ridiculous

Why would I want that

Menace

whew

okay okay

i feel better

and guess what

im coming too ;)

Tom

Really surprising

Menace

i always go with my friend

we literally never miss a match

even when we have to watch malfoy flail around on a broom

at least it makes it easy to know which team to root for

sooo considering this HUGE mountain of reasons

i think you should say yes

Tom

I will most likely regret this

Menace

do it for the world domination

Tom

Fine

Menace

wooooo

this is kind of exciting

well be in the same place and all

Tom

Don’t imagine things

We already attend the same school

I fail to see how this is in any way different

Menace

its different cause i say so

Tom

There’s no use arguing with you

Or talking in general

Menace

but you still do it ;)

Tom

I’ve checked and I can make it.

Malfoy

Perfect

I’m sure you will find it enjoyable

Tom

I already regret it

Menace

lmaoo

what did he say??

send me a screenshot

Tom

A screenshot?

Menace

oh my god

do i have to teach you everything

fine

itll be worth it

December 1st

Tom

[photo of a hand holding a glass Christmas globe]

This is torture

I’m starting to lose all hope for this week

Menace

oh my god 

wait

is that your actual hand???

(also btw its only monday)

Tom

No, obviously I tracked down a stranger, asked them to pose with this ridiculous ornament, and sent that to you

Menace

no but listen

it just hit me that youre a real person

like with actual limbs and all that

feels weird tbh

also

turns out we have something in common

Tom

And what would that be?

Menace

[photo of a hand doing the peace sign]

i have a hand too!!

actually two!

but didnt wanna flex too hard

Tom

I don’t know what to reply to that

Menace

you can tell me i have a nice hand?

or fine

ignore the obvious truth

hows it going over there?

Tom

Exactly as I expected

A complete waste of time I could be spending in ways that actually matter

Instead, they’ve had me stringing up garlands in the Astronomy Tower

And now, the Divination classroom

Truly a privilege 

Menace

oh my god

its always fucking divination

at least ill have something to look at while trelawney yaps i guess

and knowing it was all put up with your love and care just makes it better

Tom

Don’t push it

Menace

no really

i usually just stare at the walls to survive it

or more like

to not fall asleep

but if i get to stare at that shiny green globe instead my mood will skyrocket

so thanks i guess

also i never asked but what do you think about divination?

i think its important to establish this

Tom

It’s one of our mandatory subjects. That’s what I think

Not everyone has your inability to tolerate anything that doesn’t immediately entertain you

Menace

fine fine

you already have a bad mood

and i have some homework anyway

tho it could be worse apparently

its one of those days when im glad im not a prefect cause i wouldve died

Tom

Bold of you to assume you would qualify for being a prefect

Menace

i was trying to be considrate

but that was clearly too kind of me

try not to get strangled by a garland :) 

they would ban christmas and that would be highly inconvenient for me

…actually not really

so go ahead and fuck off

Menace

[photo of a steaming cup of hot chocolate with whipped cream on top]

guess what

december 1st means its officially hot chocolate season

might actually be the best thing about winter if you ask me

Tom

I thought you wanted me to “fuck off”

Also, that looks disgustingly sweet

And even more unhealthy

Menace

you were being a prat

but anyway

i went to the kitchens

talked to the elves

and walked away with this miraculous cup of hot chocolate

and honestly i forgot about you being a dick 

because thats the power of hot chocolate

Tom

Yes, nothing screams maturity like drowning yourself in sugar and calling it miraculous

Or even worse, the spirit of the holidays

Menace

sure sure whatever

though you know

you sound like youre 120 years old when you say stuff like that

makes me wonder what miraculous hand cream youre using

since your hand looked suspiciously young

but you cant fool me

Tom

Your hand also looked suspiciously large for a 1st year

Or did you repeat the year several times?

That would explain a lot

Menace

unbelievable

this whole slander campaign just because i like hot chocolate

ill ignore that i guess

u done with the decorating thing?

Tom

Yeah, just got back

Menace

wow it took so long??? 

its like past 11

didnt you say youd be finished before 8?

Tom

Someone claimed they weren’t feeling well and left

And even with them, progress was already slow

Too many pointless things to hang around

Menace

wow 

as if this isnt done every single year

youd think theyd be better at planning by now

Tom

Apparently they wanted to go even more “festive” this time

Pointless displays everywhere

If they have so much money, maybe they should do something useful with it instead of covering every corner in glitter and lights

It’s utterly wasteful

Menace

okay wow

i completely agree with that

it really sucks

and they should do better

but instead they just throw stuff around so we can all look at shiny things for a month

you know what though

you should have some hot chocolate

and before you roll your eyes at your phone

im being serious

it helps

at least it helps me

like it makes me feel better every single time

i basically live on it all winter 

at least while im at hogwarts

Tom

I’ll take your word for it

Though I’d rather not

I think I’ll just call it a night

Menace

ofc ofc

you must be tired

ill let you off this time

but lets talk tomorrow

good night!!

Tom

Good night

December 2nd

Menace

lol

youll never believe this

snape thought i paid someone to write my essay or something

he looked so suspicious

like he couldnt wrap his head around it

Tom

You’re right 

I do find it hard to believe

Menace

uhm rude

and guess what

i actually managed to brew the draught today 

like, actually did it

not bad for a “careless buffoon who shouldve been expelled three years ago” 

even managed to help my friends fix theirs

i didnt know i could feel like this in potions tbh

like i wasnt constantly drowning

kinda weird

kinda nice

Tom

I suppose even you are capable of producing results when you take something seriously

Menace

…was that almost a compliment?

Tom

It was just an observation, nothing more

Menace

mhmm

sure

“observation” that sounded suspiciously like praise

ill take it anyway

ah i have a question

i forgot yesterday

whats your favourite season?

Tom

Picking a “favourite season” sounds juvenile

All seasons have their good and bad parts

Menace

come onn

no preference whatsoever?

Tom

In any case, it wouldn’t be winter

Menace

aha thats more like an answer

also its expected

but if you refuse to cooperate

then ill guess

i have a feeling its not summer

for some reason

so its probably between spring and autumn

soooo

im leaning autumn?

its darker, colder, more serious

everyones busy, less nonsense in the air

Tom

As I said, I don’t have any particular preference

Menace

youre really really no fun

like impressively no fun

Tom

And you’re impressively insistent

I really don’t understand why any of these things matter to you

Menace

i just wanna know some stuff about you

basically all harmless if you ask me

you can also ask me literally anything

and id tell you

Tom

I know you would

But there’s no need for that

Did you finally run out of things to say?

If you’re sulking because I won’t play your little “favourite season” game, that’s absurd

Are you actually still there?

Menace

yo

you will never guess what happened

i got detention lmao

Tom

That sounds entirely plausible

And not at all hard to guess

Menace

i knew youd say that

but this is a brand new one even for me

i mean

sure i use my phone in class 

(like any normal human being)

but im usually sneaky with it

but apparently mcgonagall really really hates phones??

Tom

Don’t tell me you were texting me during Transfiguration

Menace

uhm 

i was really happy about the potions thing

and i couldnt wait

but then mcgonagall saw me and boom

she got really mad

phone confiscated, detention right after class </3

Tom

Serves you right

Menace

detention was so boring

i did some homework i guess

but still

tragic

were you worried about me tho??

Tom

No

Menace

hmmmmm 

sure sure

btw

id never just stop replying 

unless i was dead or something

so you dont have to worry ;)

Tom

I wasn’t worried though

Menace

suuuuuure

sure

anyway

what were you up to all these hours 

bet you were painfully bored without me

December 3rd

Menace

[photo of a massive Christmas tree inside the Great Hall, glittering with lights]

okay you were not exaggerating

this is even more over the top than last year

i keep discovering a new christmas tree like every single day

its nice but also kinda hurting my eyes

Tom

It’s obscene

The sheer waste of time, money, and manpower

If they redirected even a fraction of these resources into something useful, the school would be better for it

Menace

of course

i forgot every festive ornament is a personal insult to you

but guess what

i have divination in a bit

cant wait to see the classroom decorated by your very own hands

Tom

You’ll find it looks exactly as absurd as everywhere else

Menace

at this point i only hope i wont get a headache from all these lights

but trelawney hardly needs decoration to make her class unbearable

Tom

Actually paying attention for once is always an option

Menace

nah

too busy admiring your garlands

i dont want detention again tho so lets talk later

dont wanna break your heart or anything tho

Tom

Your overestimation of your own importance never fails to amuse me

Menace

sure sure

Menace

lmao 

guess what she told me this time

it was soo dramatic

let me see if i remember it correctly

“as the season turns, beware the bond that warms you, for it will leave you cold”

Tom

I’m surprised she didn’t predict your catastrophic academic failure

That sounds more plausible and entirely grounded in reality

Menace

hey

thats not true

well not completely true

also that wouldnt even be the worst thing shes said about me

i swear she saves her most dramatic visions just for me

Tom

You probably deserve it

Menace

gee thanks

has she ever made a prediction about you?

Tom

Nothing worth repeating

Menace

hmm

mysterious answer

fine

keep your secrets

for now

but only cause i gotta run to charms

ttyl

Tom

Try not to set anything on fire

Menace

no promises <3

December 4th

Menace

[photo of a hand holding a broom handle, outside]

its soo cold

i might freeze to death

this time for real

Tom

It’s low even for Hogwarts to make you practice in this weather

Do they want to thin the team by natural selection?

Menace

right??

we gryffindors dont even have any match left this year

so whats the point??

but anyway

ill survive

maybe 

what r u doing

Tom

[photo of a hand holding an open book, tidy background]

Menace

wait is that

a normal book??

and yes i zoomed in like ten times to check

Tom

Define normal

You never seem to use the word correctly

Menace

no i mean

like

not a textbook

fiction?? a novel?? something with an actual story??

Tom

Yes, I’m capable of reading more than potion instructions

Menace

i dont know why but i totally didnt expect that

what is it??

Tom

You wouldn’t know it

Menace

try me

Tom

You’d get bored within the first two pages

Menace

…

i mean sure, i mostly read comics

but that doesnt mean i cant appreciate a good book

Tom

Considering your reading comprehension skills

It’s better if you stick to comics

Menace

uhm rude

i have a lot to say about that

but well have to continue this after practice

i gotta go freeze to death on a broom now

but im still like so surprised

ughhhh

why do i gotta go now

ill text you later

Tom

Try not to get hypothermia

Menace

no promises

if i die

i expect you to say nice things at my funeral

Tom

Then perhaps you should focus on surviving

Menace

i cant even get you to say something nice when im literally about to die… 

my life is a tragedy

Tom

You’re always so dramatic

Menace

and youre always so impassive

is it that hard to say something nice like “take care” once in a while

anyway gtg

Tom

Just try your best to not freeze to death

Or fall off your broom

Or die in general

Is that better?

Menace

yes, it will do for now <3

ttyl

December 5th 

Menace

[photo of a hand holding a cup of hot chocolate]

will i regret this tomorrow?

Tom

Yes

[photo of a cup of tea on a perfectly neat desk]

Menace

and now youre flexing on me with your tea

probably no sugar

cause you think youre above that

Tom

Obviously

Menace

no surprise here

anyway 

still going tomorrow right?

or did malfoy manage to annoy you into not going?

Tom

Yes, I’m still going

And no, he’s always polite

Maybe you could learn a thing or two from him

Menace

wait what

thats just low

ill ignore that

because its actually concerning 

and instead ill focus on more important questions

like what do you even eat for snacks??

i cant imagine you in the kitchens begging for biscuits

Tom

Because I would never do that

Menace

so what then

broccoli?

lettuce leaves?

plain air?

Tom

Why do you assume everyone requires constant, mindless snacking?

Menace

because i might literally die otherwise

its like my life force

Tom

This school already makes it too easy for people to gorge themselves

Sweets at every meal, house-elves ready to hand out food whenever someone whines

It’s a miracle anyone here can still move without rolling

Menace

wow

shaming my hot chocolate lifestyle right to my face

brutal

you sound like a pamphlet from the ministry of magic about “youth corruption”

next youll be telling me treacle tart causes moral decay

Tom

If you eat enough of it, perhaps it does

Menace

i knew it

your soul is 120 years old

tea, no sugar

anti-fun crusader

next thing i know youre probably knitting socks in your free time

Tom

You’re confusing me with Dumbledore

Menace

lmao 

i do see similarities 

Tom

Don’t say that

That’s completely untrue

Menace

ohhhhh

do i sense a backstory here

Tom

No

Menace

come onnnn

please?

Tom

No

Menace

:( 

pleaseeee?

Tom

I just think it’s funny how

December 6th

Menace

[wide shot from the Gryffindor stands, crowd bundled up in scarves and hats]

look where i am 

Tom

[view from the opposite end, Slytherin stands with green banners overhead]

Tragic coincidence

Menace

lmaooo

dont act like youre not thrilled were at the same place

bonding moment!!!

Tom

Watching a quidditch game in the cold does not qualify as bonding

Menace

oh but it does

even if the weathers miserable and i cant feel my nose

but so worth it

Tom

You should really pay more attention to how you dress in this weather

Menace

what makes you think i didnt?

Tom

Experience

Menace

uhm rude

anywayyy

now pay attention 

im about to give you premium commentary

coming from a quidditch expert

aka yours truly

[horribly zoomed in shot of Malfoy on his broom]

the game hasnt even kicked off properly and he already looks smug

like he invented flying or something

Tom

The image quality is appalling

Menace

ok youre not wrong

but still

hes gonna eat dirt before the end, i can feel it

Tom

You sound like Trelawney

Menace

no way

her predictions are all vague doom and gloom

mine are specific

and totally accurate

[blurred shot of Malfoy diving after the Snitch, face mid−squint]

see???

prat behavior in action

if he falls off his broom in the next 5 minutes ill take credit for manifesting it

Tom

You’re so childish

Menace

and yet

you keep replying ;)

Tom

Which only encourages you it seems

Maybe I should stop

Menace

mhmm sure sure

now shhh

your expert commentator is at work again

Menace

okay that was entertaining

even if you guys won

not feeling threatened or anything tho

we are better

Tom

Genuinely no one asked

Menace

and yet here i am

saying it anyway

youre welcome

Tom

How magnanimous

Menace

anywayyyy

its good to be back inside tho ngl

i get to live another day

and okay ill say it

i totally approve of you showing up today

look at you being sociable and slightly less grumpy

character development!!

Tom

Don’t exaggerate

Menace

no but really

who wouldve thought

you, voluntarily at a quidditch match

next thing i know youll show up to one just because i asked you to

Tom

Don’t be delusional

Menace

fine 

but i really wasnt joking the other day

if youre gonna to tell me you and malfoy are becoming friends i might actually collapse on the spot

Tom

Friends?

You keep saying that word

As I said, that won’t happen

Menace

okaaay okay

thats good 

Tom

If you ask me, friendship is a useless sentiment

People cling to others for one of a few predictable reasons

Because they want to be close to power

Because they’re afraid of being alone

Or because they want something in return

Dress it up however you like, but at the end of the day, it’s all self-interest

And temporary

There’s no use pretending otherwise

Menace

okaaay

that doesnt sound entirely out of character

but you really outdid yourself there

so….

are we friends then?

Tom

Of course not

Menace

uhh

okay

but

you mean that?

i mean

i know we dont know each other in person or whatever

but weve been talking every single day for more than a month

especially lately

Tom

I never said otherwise

If you chose to assume, that’s your mistake

Menace

you didnt have to say it

i thought it was obvious

so what then

do you usually just text random people nonstop

just to pass time?

Tom

No

Menace

then what?

because i dont ask about your favorite season

or when your birthday is

or what books youre reading

just because im bored

Tom

You’re ridiculously sentimental

Not everything has to be packaged with a label

Not every conversation is some grand declaration of trust

Menace

its not about a label

its about you actually giving a damn

you think everything is just strategy and convenience and nothing else

but to me these things matter

i thought it was obvious

that they matter

and that i enjoy this

are you really not gonna say anything else?

Tom

I have nothing to add

Menace

right 

have it your way then

and thanks for clearing that up btw

good talk

Chapter Text

December 6th

Ron

yo 

im almost done patrolling

thinking of hitting the kitchens after

want me to grab you something?

Harry

no im good

Ron

wow passing up snacks

thats new

but okay

not even something to drink?

Harry

no 

i think im just gonna sleep

Ron

alright alright

long day right?

with the game and all

but anyway

ill try not to wake you up when i get back

night mate

December 7th

[gryffinchat]

Hermione

Common room in one hour?

Ron

isnt that a bit too early?

well end up waiting outside forever

and freezing while at it

Hermione

No

If we leave in an hour, we’ll get there just before the rink opens

And if we wait too much, it’ll be swarming with people 

Ron

i dunno

its only been open a week

so everyone and their owl is gonna be there anyway

probably even some of the professors

might as well just go later and save ourselves the frostbite

Hermione

Exactly why we should go early

People usually sleep in on weekends, so it won’t be too crowded right at opening

It takes about 15 minutes to walk to Hogsmeade

So by the time we get there, it’ll be just long enough to get in before the rush

Ron

ugh

fine

if youve got this timed to the second, i guess theres no point arguing

but if i freeze my ass off waiting outside, im blaming you

Hermione

Harry, is it alright for you too?

Harry

yeah sure

Hermione

Perfect

Make sure you both dress properly

Scarves, gloves, hats

The whole deal

Ron

yes mum

Hermione

You’ll thank me when you still have all your fingers

[gryffinchat]

Hermione

[photo of Ron clinging desperately to the railing, white-knuckled, face twisted in panic]

[photo of Ron mid-fall, arms flailing, one skate pointing the wrong way]

Ron

oi

delete those immediately

Hermione

Absolutely not

Ron

what are you even gonna do with them

Hermione

Frame them

Or better, submit them to the Hogwarts Prophet

Front page material

Ron

haha 

hilarious as ever

so youre telling me you dont have any photos of me skating properly?

Hermione

Of course not

Ron

fine then

take this

[photo of Hermione, hair flying everywhere, arms outstretched, about to fall flat on her butt]

Hermione

That’s really not fair

It was right when we got there

Ron

oh its very fair

headline: “Brightest Witch of Her Age Eats Ice”

Hermione

[selfie of the three of them crammed into the frame, cheeks red from the cold, Ron pulling a face]

peace?

Ron

ill think about it

since its a nice photo and all

but youll have to do better next time

Hermione

Yeah sure

Hermione

[photo of Harry on the ice, smiling faintly, eyes distant]

Hey Harry

Just wondering

Is there something bothering you?

Harry

hey hermione

no im fine

sorry 

just a bit tired

dont worry about it

Hermione

You know me better than that

If it were me staring into space all day and barely laughing at Ron falling on his face

Wouldn’t you be worried?

Harry

thats different

Hermione

Not really

And I won’t pry if you don’t want me to

But you don’t have to pretend you’re fine all the time

Harry

i know i know

im not trying to pretend or anything

cause its really not a big deal

i just had a fight with someone yesterday

well

fight would be a very strong word

it was just a bit out of a sudden

and now were not talking anymore

Hermione

Oh 

I’m really sorry to hear

I could tell something was weighing on you

I just wondered if it might have something to do with how you’ve been on your phone a lot lately?

But honestly, I don’t want to push if you’d rather not talk about it

Harry

well 

yeah

its related

Hermione

Alright

And do you want to patch things up with them?

Harry

i dont even know

he made it pretty clear that he doesnt want that

so now i feel like i was stupid for thinking otherwise

Hermione

First of all, you’re not stupid

Why would it be stupid to care for someone?

Harry

idk

sometimes i make assumptions and i get carried away i guess

it doesnt really matter anyway

any friendship

or whatever that was

is between 2 people

both have to want it

and i dont want to fight for it if im the only one who cares

Hermione

I get that

And you’re right, no one should be the only one putting in the effort

But I also know you, and you don’t let just anyone in

So it must bee someone you care about

At least a little, considering you seemed unwell all day

But are you absolutely sure it was not a misunderstanding?

Harry

yup

very sure

doesnt get more obvious than that

Hermione

Okay then

Then you know better

I’m still sorry, though

If someone can’t see how great you are, then that’s their loss, not yours

It might not feel like it now, but maybe it’s for the best

And if this person can’t appreciate you, then maybe it’s good you found out now

Harry

i know i know

im not daft

genuinly i dont know whats wrong this time

and why im acting like this

i wouldnt say i have attachment issues

or self worth issues

or whatever

tho im not saying i dont have any issues

i just dont know why it makes me feel like this

Hermione

It’s someone you care about

And we all make bad calls sometimes

It doesn’t mean you were wrong to try

Sometimes you just have to know when to call it a day

Harry

yeah 

guess i should

obviously 

but thanks hermione anyway

Hermione

Anytime

You can always tell me anything

Harry

you too

Hermione

I know

And unlike you, I didn’t forget

Harry

fine fine

Hermione

<3

Ron

oi

where are you? 

just went by the common room and you werent there

Harry

library

got some homework

Ron

on a sunday night??

what are you, hermiones long lost twin?

Harry

lol no

im just behind on some stuff

Ron

right

so whats actually going on?

i have eyes you know

and hermione noticed too

Harry

ugh 

is it that hard to believe nothing bad happened?

Ron

yes 

and dont insult me

Harry

im not insulting you

Ron

you clearly are if you think i dont know you better than this

so spill

Harry

ughhhhh

Ron

mate

youve been acting weird since yesterday

and if youre hiding in the library instead of raiding the kitchens with me

it must be serious

Harry

ughhh

disclaimer

this is really not that big of a deal

and not that deep

so im probably overreacting

alright?

Ron

right right

now tell me anyway

Harry

remember the guy ive been texting?

Ron

essay guy?

the one who was a prat half the time but also helped you not fail potions the other day?

Harry

yup 

well 

Ron

alright

go on

Harry

we sort of had a fight

if you can even call it that

Ron

okaay

what happened?

Harry

well 

i said something

then out of nowhere he said were not friends

just flat out

when i thought we totally were

Ron

oookay

but i feel like missing a lot here??

like

im def missing some context

can you just show me what he said?

Harry

no 

that feels

wrong i guess

Ron

okay okay

so basically you thought you were friends

and he said youre not?

Harry

pretty much

even though weve been talking like every day

Ron

yeah no kidding

youve been glued to your phone like its a second wand

for at least a couple of weeks now

Harry

i know

and we talked about a lot of stuff

some random, some serious

and i was feeling like he started to be nicer

and open up

and clearly i was wrong

i just dont understand

how someone can spend so much time talking to someone else 

and then just say “no of course were not friends”

Ron

tbh it doesnt really sound like you did anything wrong this time?

Harry

gee thanks ron

Ron

no 

i mean it

well it came out wrong

but its still weird

he was still there every day talking back, wasnt he?

so its not like you imagined it

Harry