Chapter Text
Jason hesitated at the stairs that led up to the family wing of the manor. It wasn’t because he was scared of getting caught. He knew he was allowed to be in the manor. Bruce, Dick, and even Alfred, each made that clear several times in varying levels of desperation for him to acknowledge and accept their statements as invitations back into the family. Getting anyone in his family to speak plainly was like plucking teeth. And he'd know. Tim had ‘okay’ed the possibility of him returning to the manor with far less enthusiasm but no lack of sincerity, at least not that Jason could detect.
Jason sighed and looked up at the ceiling with his eyes closed. A short, choked laugh escaped him.
I wanted this. He thought to himself. I’m the one that started joining Dick on his patrols when he was back in Gotham. I’m the one that started using the Batcave. I’m the one that sent Tim a three page letter apologizing for nearly killing him. I wanted back in the family.
“Do you need me to show you your room again?” Jason jerked his head toward Dick’s voice and breathed in through his nose hard enough to make him want to sneeze. “I know it’s been a while. Don’t worry, memory tends to go as you age. Completely normal.”
“You’re older than me.” Was all Jason could think to respond. He knew Dick wouldn’t judge him for having trouble with this. They’d just spent the last hour in the Batcave and the four hours of patrol before that discussing all the reasons Jason was hesitating to return home, even just for nights after rough patrols, but knowing Dick understood didn’t change the fact that looking weak in front of his big brother, the golden child, was embarrassing and upsetting.
Dick shrugged. “Do you want me to go up with you?” His voice was completely sincere.
Jason shook his head. “Just…” He cut himself off. He didn’t know exactly what he wanted to say.
Wait for Bruce to get back and tell him I’m staying the night so that I don’t have to, because if I do he’ll try to talk about his feelings and I think he and I will both cry.
Tell Alfie I’ll be here for breakfast so he doesn’t fret over having made too few crepes when he sees me at the counter.
Warn Tim I’m here.
Fuck
“Where’s the bird?” He asked.
Dick looked a bit confused at the topic change but answered quickly. “He should be asleep in his room. It’s the one next to yours. He’s benched for a concussion right now and making it everyone’s problem.”
Jason recognized the teasing note in his brother’s voice at the end of his sentence as an olive branch to make the tense atmosphere lighter, but Jason didn’t take it.
“Are you sure he’ll be okay with me sleeping in the room next to his?”
Dick looked both pitying of Jason and concerned for Tim at the same time. Jason often wondered how his eyebrows handled such dramatic acrobatics. Probably comes with being attached to such a dramatic acrobatist. He nearly rolled his eyes at his own joke.
“I told you, Bruce and I have both talked to him about you spending more time at the manor. He’s watched you patrol alone and with others, he’s spoken to you in the cave, he knows you see Leslie in a therapeutic capacity, and he was really appreciative of your apology letter. He trusts that you’ve changed and have control over the Pit in all aspects of your life. We all do. It’s been almost a year now, Jay.” A year since he nearly killed Tim. “You’ve shown a lot of growth.” Jason could tell Dick was hesitating. “I’m not blind to the risks of this though. If it makes Tim too uncomfortable having you sleeping in the family wing I’d expect you to sleep in the guest wing instead when you stay the night.”
Fear. Rejection. Replacement. Anger.
A burning pain started in his stomach and radiated rapidly through his veins.
Fuck adrenaline.
He closed his eyes and took a slow, deep breath. When he opened them he felt emotionally calmer, but a bit physically unsteady. His body was slightly warm from the rush of emotions.
“That’s fair.” He replied to Dick. His brother’s posture rapidly changed from guarded to relaxed again.
Once Jason had time away from The Bats after his confrontation with Bruce over the Joker went to shit he was able to calm down enough to rethink his choices and then rethink his perspective on—basically everything. He knew Tim was a part of the family now, but he also knew that Tim had never, and would never, replace Jason. That wasn’t how relationships between families, or people in general, worked. The onus was now on Jason to make Tim feel comfortable if they were both going to be active members of the same family. If that meant his childhood bedroom was no longer going to be usable, well, it was a small sacrifice in the big picture of Tim allowing him to stay in the manor at all. “What if Tim needs me to leave the manor to be comfortable?” Jason didn’t know why he asked that. There was no answer he could imagine Dick would have that wouldn’t hurt him or leave him upset on Tim's behalf.
Dick seemed to feel the same way if the downward turn of his eyebrows was any indication. “We’d talk about it. All of us. I hope we'd be able to come to a compromise that suits everyone. No matter what, I love you both. If it does become a problem,” Dick shrugged, “We’ll face it then, but don’t start worrying about it when every response Tim has given about you staying at the manor has been positive.”
Jason nodded.
“Now,” Dick clapped his hands together but slowed them at the last moment to muffle the sound.
Jason smiled at the action. He could vividly remember Alfred’s lectures about being quiet inside the manor after patrol. The man did not appreciate being woken up. One notable occasion resulted in Jason helping Alfred with all of his chores the next day. He didn’t hate cooking, but cleaning the bathrooms was the peak of disgusting to 12 year old Jason. “Is there anything you need before going to bed? Alfred’s been keeping your room prepared for you, but if you need more blankets or pillows they’re all in the same closet as before, and your bathroom should be fully stocked.” Jason raised an eyebrow at that. “We’ve been really hopeful you’d stay over.” Dick defended.
Jason let a small smile show and nodded again. He was feeling a bit overwhelmed by his brother’s support over the last several hours and just wanted to go to bed.
Dick smiled warmly and placed his hand on Jason’s shoulder. “I’m glad you’re staying. Thank you.” He removed his hand and started toward the kitchen.
“Thanks.” Jason said quietly. If he hadn’t seen Dick’s next step falter he wouldn’t have thought he’d heard him. With that conversation over Jason had to return to his stare down with the steps.
You’ve literally murdered people. You can walk up some fucking stairs.
The banister felt familiar under his fingers even as his steps sounded wrong—too heavy. He could remember the very first time he walked up them. Dick in front of him, not overly friendly at the time, but forced to show Jason his room at Alfred’s request. He could remember Bruce checking on him after patrol, though at the time Jason just thought his WE hours were insane, and his crying when Bruce asked if the room decor was alright. It was better than any kid from The Alley could ever dream of having.
The carpet runner down the hallway was the same. The side table had a different vase. I wonder if Tim broke one too?
The door to his room was unchanged. Logically, that wasn’t surprising, but it was jarring none the less. He’d changed so much since the last time he’d stood in this spot. He’d literally died. It felt wrong somehow that the door hadn’t changed too. He knew seeing his room was about to feel the same. Alfred and Bruce had both mentioned that they left his room untouched after his death except to clean it.
He flipped the lightswitch as he opened the door and froze. The weirdness from the near exactness of his room to how he remembered it was mostly overshadowed by the weirdness of there being a body in his bed. He still noted his math homework on his desk as he quietly closed the door and walked toward the bed. Really guys? My algebra101 worksheets hold sentimental value?
Jason froze as he recognized the boy sleeping in his bed.
Tim.
It didn’t really make sense for it to be anybody else in his bed, no one else lived in the manor, but frankly, it didn’t make sense for it to be Tim either. For a moment Jason wondered if he actually did forget where his room was, but the homework had his name on it, the multiple book stacks at the foot of his bed were definitely his, and so was the wonder woman blanket Tim had wrapped himself in.
Jason noted the boy hadn’t tucked himself in under the comforter. He looked a bit like a sad butterfly stuck in its chrysalis. What is he doing?
REPLACEMENT—RepLaceMent—replacement—SHUT UP
It’s just Tim. He’s not replacing me. He has his own room. I just need to ask him why he’s in mine. He’s an intelligent boy. I’m sure he’s got a really good reason that I just can’t think of and that isn’t stealing my room like he stole Robin.
“You better have a good excuse kid, cause this is really weird.” Jason whispered before gently shaking Tim’s shoulder. “Wakey wakey, you’re fucking crazy.”
Tim made a quiet sound and scrunched himself into a crescent shape. Jason could admit, it was very cute.
“Kiddo, you gotta get up. I need to sleep.”
Tim went from sleep still to scared prey animal still in a quarter of a second.
“I’m not mad.” Jason hurried to clarify. “Confused, but not mad.”
Tim’s body relaxed by a fraction and he sat up slowly. His hair was messy, his eyelids drooping despite his desperate attempts to keep them open, and his face resolutely facing the floor rather than Jason’s curious stare.
“I’ll get out of here.” Tim said quickly. His voice was so quiet. Jason wondered if it was from sleep or fear.
“Not just yet,” Jason moved so his hand was splayed palm out in front of Tim, ready to push him back on the bed if needed but not yet touching him. “I’d like an explanation of why you’re borrowing my bed?”
Tim didn’t speak. He didn’t move either.
“Kid. I’m not gonna forget you’re here just cause you aren’t moving or speaking." Tim made a sound Jason didn’t know how to interpret.
“I couldn’t sleep.” Tim said. He looked up at Jason and probably thought he did a good job at hiding his flinch. He did not. “That’s all.”
“So you picked my room to sleep in instead? A dead boy’s room is just more relaxing to you?” Jason put more heat behind those words than he intended, but he was just genuinely very confused.
Tim flinched again. This one wasn’t remotely subtle. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I just wanted to sleep and I couldn’t and this room is the closest and it’s not creepy and barren like the other ones. I’m sorry.”
Tim was nearly in tears.
“It’s alright.” Jason stepped out of Tim’s way and sighed. “Just get back to your own bed and I’ll forget this ever happened.”
Tim nodded rapidly and rushed toward the door.
“Aye!” Jason called. Tim froze with his hand reaching toward the door knob. “My blanket?”
Tim turned, face bright with a rosy blush, and handed Jason back his wonder woman blanket before running out of the room. He didn’t even close the door.
“Weird kid.” Jason said and prepared himself for bed.