Archive of Our Own ^beta

Present

Rick’s been through a lot in his life. Between his addiction and childhood and everything else that fell between, Rick had more than his fair share of bad memories. 

But there are good ones, too, especially with Infinity Inc. His short time on a team that equated to a blip in the timeline was one of his favorites. 

He was happy to be a part of the Justice Society now, more than happy, but it wasn’t the same, nowhere close to it. 

He hadn’t originally been on the team when they reformed, but got roped into it after the world was set right from all of Ultra-Humanite’s meddling and grandiose delusions and schemes. 

It was great to be a part of a team again after so long, even more so since it felt like reconnecting with his old, original team. 

Yolanda was dead, but she lived on in her cousin, in the memory he carried just for her. Pieter wasn’t the same as Beth, but his medical expertise and level head could rival his predecessor’s easily. Syl was gone — and he’s been gone for so long that Rick’s given up any hope of him ever coming back — but he lived on, too, in Courtney in more than just her cosmic converter belt. 

As for the rest of the team, Norda was off doing something he refused to inform the rest of them of. Henry, last Rick checked, was booked at some mental hospital. Lyta was… Rick didn’t entirely know what, he left that to Hector to figure out. 

Speaking of, Hector’s back, alive, and now the new Doctor Fate. Jennie’s dating that new green lantern. And Todd… 

He’s doing better, getting help from the DEO and “Director” Bones of all people. 

It was hard, at first, to accept that yet another member of Infinity Inc had been taken by the dark side, but Todd came back to them. 

It was Al who’s neck Rick wanted to squeeze now. 

How dare he, how dare he, side with Black Adam? After everything they’ve been through, in their own lives and as a team, how could Al pick that man instead of the JSA? Instead of Rick? 

How dare he? 

How could he? 

~~~~~ 

Fifteen Years Ago 

Rick sat slumped in the passenger seat, arms crossed over his chest and eyes fixed firmly away from his dad. 

His dad, who had promised to spend the day with him, especially since his mom was out of town for the weekend on some work trip or whatever. 

Now here he was, listening to the fake platitudes his father softly spat and the excuses that poured from his lips. 

Rick knew the world was at stake, he knew there was a great danger, he knew his dad was a vital player in saving the planet. 

But that didn’t change the fact that he wanted his dad to pick him for once. To spend the day with him. To go to that baseball game together or watch that movie in theaters his dad was excited for or do the things kids typically did with their dad that Rick had yet to experience. 

“You get to be with the rest of the JSA brats. Isn’t that good enough?” The gentleness in his words was dimming; he was getting annoyed that Rick was still upset. Go figure. 

Rick didn’t say anything, just kept staring out the window. 

His dad sighed. “Fine. Be that way.” He didn’t say another word for the rest of the car ride. 

~~~~~ 

Present  

There were a series of attacks in Kahndaq; it was the only thing every news station was covering. The raids, the violence, the death. 

Everyone knew Black Adam played a role in these battles, but who was helping him was unclear. There was some camera footage that was shaky at best and never showed a clear picture of who was around when lightning shot down from the sky. 

It wasn’t a lot, but it did give some plausible deniability -- did Al leave with Black Adam? Yes, but did that mean he was involved in the carnage they were watching broadcasted all across the world? Not necessarily, and Rick held onto that as tight as he could because this was too much. No way Al would let this happen. No way he would participate. No way. 

There was supposed to be a meeting, soon, to determine what to do. They just had to wait for the rest of the JSA members to get their affairs in order and show up. 

In the meantime, the news was on. 

In the meantime, the common area of the Brownstone was filled with the sounds of war. 

And in the meantime, Atom Smasher made his debut appearance beside Black Adam smashing tanks and endangering civilians. 

Dammit, Al, Rick thought with Courtney gasping beside him and Kendra stiffening in the doorway, what are you doing? 

~~~~~ 

Fifteen Years Ago 

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Johnny asked nervously, twisting his pen in his hands. “They are just kids, after all.” 

“Yeah, but they’re our kids! The JSA brats can handle whatever comes their way,” Hawkman said proudly, ruffling a disgruntled Hector’s hair. Lyta’s mom hugged her and the Atom patted Al’s shoulder with a sound nod. With that, the heroes made their way outside, one by one, leaving them all alone in Al’s house. 

It’s not that Rick didn’t like the others — he did, really — but sometimes he couldn’t help but feel a bit jealous. 

His dad only told him to “be good” and then left. No goodbyes, no hugs, no shoulder pats or hair ruffles. Just the first one out the door and not a single look back. 

Why would he be jealous? Just because Lyta and Al and Hec all had parents who loved them and made time for them and remembered how old they were? 

He wasn’t jealous. He wasn’t hurt. Not at all. 

~~~~~~

Two Years From Now

Rick leaned against the metal railing surrounding the top of the newly built brownstone. He closed his eyes and lifted his head upwards toward the stars, and breathed in the nighttime air. 

He couldn’t sleep, hadn’t been able to in a while, but tonight was worse than normal. 

Grief was a fickle thing; just when he thought he was able to move on once and for all, it creeped up on him again, sending him straight back to square one with little to no warning. 

He’d gotten to the point where memories of the past could be a gift, at times, reminding him of all the good moments he had spent with his loved ones before they were gone. 

Other times… there wasn’t much that made his cravings appear — time and experience and patience all helpful tools when dealing with addiction — but little else made him want to crawl back down that hole like grief did. 

And tonight’s candidate for bearing a ton of grief: Infinity Inc. 

Jen’s dead. Syl’s dead. Hector’s dead. Lyta’s dead. Beth’s dead. Yolanda’s dead. 

Norda had devolved into Black Adam’s lapdog: not that Rick could blame him, not with the extenuating circumstances of him literally not knowing any better. Still, didn’t make the situation any better. 

Todd was doing good, was working security for the Justice Society and trying his best to make amends for something he had no control over but still bore guilt for. 

Henry apparently had a brainworm eating his mind and was now off doing… whatever it is he's doing without a brainworm.  

Al… Rick was still trying to come to terms with everything that happened. 

He didn’t think he could ever get over what Al did to him, but with so little of the team left, with so many funerals attended, with so few friends still alive- 

Rick didn’t know. 

And maybe that’s what hurt the most, the not knowing. 

It had hurt so much in the aftermath, and it took so long for Rick to even be able to say Al’s name without seething — he still couldn’t half of the time. But grief was a fickle thing and presented itself in many different ways. This, Rick knew and had grown long since accustomed to. 

Two arms looped around his waist and a chin rested on his shoulder. “Why are you up here?” Jesse, his gorgeous and loving wife, asked, “it’s so much warmer inside.” 

Rick leaned against her. “Just thinking.” 

Jesse nodded understandingly, always so understanding about these kinds of things. “Anniversary?” 

“Of when I got my stomach ripped open,” Rick confirmed. 

“Yikes,” Jesse said, one hand tracing the scar above his shirt. “So, you came out here to reminisce?” 

Rick chuckled, “something like that,” and then Jesse stopped talking, also staring up at the night sky. Rick’s hands rested on top of hers, right over his scar. 

There was a part of him that still despised Al, even after all this time, and he most likely always would, but he didn’t know what to do with all the anger. The smart answer was probably to get rid of it -- it wasn’t good to hold onto so much hate for so long -- but then where did that leave him? 

Crushed, that someone he once considered a friend could do that to him? Betrayed, because it had been a betrayal when Al turned his back on the JSA, on Rick? Guilty, that they hadn’t caught Al’s slow downward spiral at the beginning to avoid the whole mess all together? Sad, because the outcome left Rick without his friend? 

Rick didn’t want any of that. He just wanted- 

He sighed. He didn’t know what he wanted, not really. Just not what he had. And how sad was it that that was a sentiment applicable to most of his life. 

He didn’t know what his relationship with Al would look like in six months or five years, but he knew didn’t want to hold onto this anger for longer than he had to. But he also didn’t know where he’d be without his anger, nor did he know if Al deserved him letting it go. 

Maybe at some point they’re friends again. Maybe they never talk again. 

As long as Rick can find peace, he might just be okay with whatever may happen. 

“Come on,” Jesse said, tugging at his waist, “it’s too cold out here. Let’s go back to bed.” 

Maybe Al’s at peace with everything that happened, maybe he’s still desperate for redemption, maybe he’s given up on a better tomorrow for himself. 

Either which way, Rick thinks he might almost be there himself. At peace. And with Jesse by his side, he’s bound to get there in no time at all. 

~~~~~ 

Now 

Rick groaned as he rolled over, barely able to complete the motion -- pain, pain, so much pain, god, his stomach -- only to freeze at the shadow that enveloped him entirely. He looked up, frozen in shock at the giant shoe hovering above him. 

The mask and size didn’t do much to hide what Al was thinking. Confusion, an internal battle filled with doubt and uncertainty. 

“Al?” Rick breathed out shakily. It sounded weak, the one syllable taking everything Rick had left and then some. He was bleeding, could feel the wetness leak between his fingers. His entire body felt like one large, numb wound, but he probably shouldn’t feel numb, right? That couldn’t be a good sign, oh no, what was he gonna do-

Suddenly, that internal battle was won and the confusion was transformed viciously into anger. 

The shoe came down. 

~~~~~

Fifteen Years Ago 

The back door opened and Rick desperately tried to dry his eyes. He couldn’t believe he was out here at another person’s house crying like a baby. Good thing his dad wasn’t there, or that would be a nightmare. 

Al sat down next to him on the edge of the porch but didn’t say anything, just met his gaze straight on. When Rick had enough, he bit out, “what?” 

“Nothing,” Al shook his head. Then, after a beat, “are you okay?”

Rick scoffed. “Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?” 

Al only stared a moment, his head tilting, and tentatively asked, “is it because of your dad?” 

Rick startled, staring with wide eyes. “N-no,” he stuttered, sniffled, asked, “why would you think that?” 

“Well,” Al started, “I heard my godfather talking to some of the other JSA members before you got here and they said-” 

Rick cut him off, his motormouth working a hundred miles faster than his brain can keep up, “look, it’s not like I’m jealous or anything. You and Hector and Lyta all have people who hug you and ruffle your hair and want to spend time with you and don’t spend all their time as far away from you as they can get.” He hugged his legs to his chest, burying his face between his knees and pretending he didn’t feel his pants grow wet. “I’m not jealous, I’m fine.” 

Al took a second to process that. “What about any friends?” he asked slowly. Rick shook his head, resting his chin on his not wet knees. He sniffled, wiping his nose on his arm, and didn’t say anything. “I don’t really have a lot of friends either,” Al said softly, looking down at his hands. “Everyone always calls me a runt, and I’m not good at any sports like the other kids at my school.” 

Rick felt bad, spending all this time complaining and feeling sorry for himself when Al looked pitiful and might have been just as lonely as he was too, and because his mouth always worked faster than his brain, blurted out, “do you want to be friends?” Al looked at him cautiously, like trying to determine how serious he was until, eventually, he visibly brightened. 

“Friends… forever?” Albert asked, holding out his pinky with an all too enduring and innocent expression. 

Rick snorted, sniffled, feeling the last of his tears dry and warmth bloom in his chest at the thought that maybe someone could care about him. “Sure, carrot-top. Friends forever.”