Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Just close your eyes and I'll be there, just listen to the sound of this old heart beating for you."

Okay…

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return False

Sebastian stopped typing and scrubbed at his eyes with the heels of his palms. One quick glance over at the clock told him his eyes were sore for a good reason.

4:58 a.m.

Time to call it a night, he thought, eyes burning from staring at lines after lines of code for way too long.

He showered slowly but also quickly, sluggishly running a raggedy old bar of soap across his weary body then stepped out of the bathroom, sleepily dragging a towel through his hair and sliding on two-day-old boxers before slinking into bed.

Sebastian gave his phone one last glance before closing his eyes, when his interest was suddenly piqued by a message from an unknown number.

???: remember me?

Obviously not, otherwise I'd have your number saved…

He thumbed back a quick and snappy "nope" which was quickly followed up with another from the mystery texter.

???: we hooked up years ago

Alright, cool. Sebastian had hooked up with a lot of people since moving to the city, so that really didn't help narrow down the search.

Sebastian blinked at the screen. He wasn’t sure whether to laugh or be annoyed. People from his past didn’t usually circle back after a quick fling, at least, not with random, cryptic texts at five in the morning.

Sebastian: you’ll have to be more specific

The typing bubbles appeared, vanished, reappeared again until he finally got a response.

???: thought about you tonight. figured i’d say hi.

Now he was annoyed. It was probably a prank, maybe Sam putting someone up to it just to rustle his feathers a little.

???: it's emma

Emma. Emma.

Oh, right. Emma.

Emma who worked behind the bar at The Salty Dog. The place he went to once and swore never again due to it's beach-y theme and definitely not the fact he slept with the barmaid and never saw her again.

Emma. Sebastian remembered her now. She had a gentle smile, free-poured her tequila shots and poured him more without asking. They’d ended up in his apartment two hours later, and by morning he’d sworn off both tequila and beach-themed bars forever.

Sebastian: right. hey. long time.

He wasn’t sure what else to say. His brain felt too fried for small talk.

Emma: too long. thought we could catch up?

5 a.m. was not a time for this.

Sebastian: sure.

He placed the phone on his bedside and went immediately to sleep. Maybe this was a dream, maybe Emma would forget.

Except she didn't. When he finally woke up for the day at 3:32 p.m, he noticed that Emma had sent him the location of a cafe nearby to meet up at… by 4 p.m.

He could just ghost her, block her number, pretend he wasn't Sebastian. But curiosity got the better of him. So he dragged himself out of bed, downed an instant coffee in throat-burning record time and dressed in a simple hoodie and jeans. It was a cafe, not a bar he was hoping to score at, after all.

The smell of burnt espresso hit him first when he made it to the cafe but he had to admit it was probably better than the charred beans he'd made at home right before he left.

His eyes scanned the room and, yep. There she was. Sitting at a corner table by the window. She wasn’t alone.

A little girl sat across from her, legs swinging as she gripped a green crayon, scrawling across a colouring page. Dark curls framed her round face, and she hummed to herself as she seemed to be very engaged in drawing grass at the bottom of the page.

Emma spotted Sebastian first and lifted her hand, waving him over softly.

He made his way over slowly and Emma stood to greet him. He noticed the faint lines around her mouth and brows. She looked older, a little sharper but still just as alluring as Sebastian remembered five years ago.

He supposed he'd changed too. Grew his hair out, bulked up a little. But still that same old Seb who spent too much time indoors, though now he wore glasses when he worked instead of squinting until he got a headache.

“Hey,” Emma said quietly, pulling him into a hug which took him by surprise before gesturing for him to sit across from her. “Thanks for coming, wasn't sure you would.”

Sebastian dropped into the seat and shrugged, eyes darting back to the little girl. She gave him a shy smile before going back to her colouring.

He leaned closer, lowering his voice a little. “You didn’t mention you’d be bringing company.”

Emma smiled and turned to the little girl. She smoothed the her hair back absently, “Her name’s Elodie, though she prefers to be called Elle. She's five."

Five. Huh. Weird.

"So, she's yours?" Sebastian asked rather stupidly considering the girl had the exact same button nose as her mother.

"Yeah, best gift ever, honestly. Can't imagine life without her now… it wasn't always that way, though. Things were tough," Emma explained with a sigh.

"Why's that?"

"Well, her dad wasn't around."

Sebastian frowned, “Her dad wasn’t around?”

“No. He didn’t know about her.”

Some annoying, heavy pressure hit his chest for some reason. He glanced at Elle again, her dark hair falling into her face as she leaned harder into her work.

He didn’t want to admit it, but the resemblance was undeniable now that he was looking for it. She definitely had her mother's nose, but that hair… and the way her tongue poked out the side of her mouth when she was focused, how her shoulders hunched over and—

“Sebastian… she’s yours.”

And yep, there it was.

“Mine?” Sebastian managed to choke out, though he knew deep down it was coming the second he laid eyes on Elle when he entered.

Emma nodded softly. “I found out a few weeks after we slept together. I wanted to track you down, I really did… but you had just moved to the city and you were so young, then life kept moving and boom, I had your baby.”

"What?" Sebastian laughed sardonically. "I was twenty-five when we slept together! It wasn't like I was sixteen!"

Emma scoffed. “Yeah, twenty-five and living like a college freshman. I don’t think you were exactly ready to raise a kid.”

Sebastian scoffed right back, running a hand through his hair. “And you decided for me that I wasn't be ready? You didn’t think maybe I’d at least want to know I had a daughter and make that choice myself?"

Her jaw tightened. She smoothed Elle’s curls again, though the little girl didn’t seem to notice them arguing because she was too busy moving on to shading trees in the corner of her page.

“I thought about it. But I only knew you drunk, I didn't know you sober and I couldn’t do that to her. How can I let you in her life when I don't even know the real you myself?”

Sebastian opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He wasn’t sure which part stung more, the fact she thought he couldn’t handle it, or the fact that she wasn’t entirely wrong.

“Jesus, Emma,” he muttered, scrubbing a hand over his exhausted face. "So, what? You've come seeking me out for child support or something?"

"No! I just—" Emma stopped abruptly and sighed. "Look, I need to go to the bathroom, then I'll come back and we can talk about it, okay?"

Sebastian gestured vaguely toward the restroom sign. “Yep, fine. I’ll be here.”

Emma gave him a tight smile, squeezed Elle’s shoulder, and murmured, “Be good for a minute, okay? I’ll be right back.”

Elle nodded without looking up, too absorbed in colouring the branches of her tree brown.

Sebastian leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms.

His head buzzed with too many thoughts. Anger, disbelief, confusion that Emma trusted him enough to watch her kid unattended—well, his kid, apparently.

Five minutes passed. Sebastian watched Elle carefully move onto drawing some stick people on her drawing.

Ten minutes passed. Elle had broken two crayons trying to shade a large area. She frowned like he did when something didn't go his way. That made him smile a little.

Sebastian checked the time on his phone when fifteen minutes had passed. Emma was still gone.

He craned his neck towards the bathrooms. No sign of her.

“Hey,” he said softly, trying not to startle Elle too much. “Uh… your mom’s taking a while.”

“She does that,” Elle replied matter-of-factly, still staring at her paper. “Sometimes she has to go away.”

Sebastian’s stomach sank. “Go away where?”

The little girl shrugged. “Just away.”

Sebastian shot up from his chair, scanning the cafe. His pulse spiked, and a thick, cold burst of realisation hit him. Emma hadn’t gone to the bathroom. Emma was fucking gone gone.

"When, uh, when your mom goes away, where do you stay?"

The little girl shrugged again, still colouring. "Sometimes Grandma."

Grandma. Okay, that can be worked with.

"Alright," Sebastian began, pulling out his phone. "What's your Grandma's name? Maybe I can—"

"She died."

Sebastian froze, phone still in his hand, finger about to type.

“She died?”

Elle nodded. “Last month. Mommy cried a lot. Then she got angry.”

It all started to come together for Sebastian now. Emma was a shitty mom. Elle got left with her grandmother a lot. That lifeline for Emma passed and now, she was dumping Elle on Sebastian.

“So… she's going to leave you here with me?” Sebastian asked, kind of a question but more a statement, because the answer seemed rather obvious.

Elle looked up innocently. “Mommy said you could watch me. She said I had to tell you that I’m very good at colouring quietly. She packed a bag for me."

That mother fucker, Sebastian thought angrily to himself.

"Can, uh, can I see what she's packed you? I just…" think fast without startling her, Seb, "just wanna make sure you have everything you need."

Elle nodded and placed her crayons down, picking up a rather large and full backpack from beside her with a grunt.

Sebastian thanked Elle and took the bag, unzipping it to find what he assumed was every mortal possession Elle owned.

A very worn and loved teddy bear. Winter jacket. Pyjamas, three pairs. Underwear. Four pairs of shoes.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. No time to panic.

Before Emma could get too far, Sebastian quickly ordered a blueberry muffin for Elle and stepped to the other side of the cafe where he could still see her, but was far enough she couldn't overhear what he was about to say to her mother.

"…The number you have called has been disconnected…"

Sebastian’s stomach dropped. He jabbed at his phone again, dialling her number again. But nothing. Emma was gone. Completely unreachable. And Sebastian realised that the whole thing was planned.

He glanced at Elle, who was blissfully sipping her water bottle and picking crumbs from her muffin and placing them into her mouth, utterly oblivious to the spiralling thoughts unfolding in her dad’s head, if she even knew he was her dad at all.

“Okay,” Sebastian muttered, rubbing his temples. “Think, Seb. Think.”

Police, right? Seems like the logical thing to do…

How wrong Seb was.

When he called them, they came to the cafe and took them both back to the station in the back of a cop car. Eyes were definitely on him when he left the establishment with a tiny girl who couldn't even tell the police his name…

They took Sebastian and Elle to a small, separate interview rooms where they asked Sebastian all the stock standard questions, who is she, how do you know her, blah blah blah.

Sebastian told it how it was, produced his texts for evidence.

He'd slept with Emma Pearson once five years ago and had zero contact with her until that morning. He agreed to meet and she told him that Elle was his daughter, she went to the bathroom then never returned. He wasn't sure if Elle knew he was her father.

Elle, in a separate room with a much kinder officer, told them exactly what she'd told Sebastian. She used to stay with Grandma, Grandma died. Mom packed all Elle's things and told her the man, she now knew was named Sebastian, would look after her.

After what felt like hours of questioning, they seemed happy enough with the responses and Elle and Sebastian were reunited. Sebastian sat slumped in the hard plastic chair, elbows on his knees. Elle sat quietly beside him, clutching her teddy bear, aware that something serious was happening, but not sure what.

One of the officers, finally stood and motioned for Sebastian to open the backpack. “I just want to see what her mother had packed, it might help us understand her motives."

Sebastian hesitated, but there wasn’t much choice. He unzipped it and held it out.

The officer delicately began to pull out item after item, then she pulled out an envelope and produced a piece of paper, eyes narrowing when she opened it. “This looks like a birth certificate.”

Sebastian froze.

"Yep, this all checks out."

The officer held out the paper for Sebastian to look at, and there it was.

Elodie May Evans. Not Pearson. Evans.

Emma had given Elodie his surname, even though she never told him, and somehow that made him angrier that he never fucking knew about her.

"Well, I'm happy to release Elodie into your custody if you are willing to look after her, Sebastian. Otherwise, the state will assume responsibility until her mother can be located."

Nope. Fuck no.

Sebastian may not know how to be a father, but he sure as shit wasn't letting that poor girl be taken god knows where with god knows who.

"I'll take her," Sebastian said firmly.

The officer nodded and within the hour, Sebastian and Elle were on the street.

"Okay, I suppose I'll take you to my apartment. I don't really have much for a kid, but you can have my bed and I'll sleep on the couch. Then hopefully tomorrow we'll find your mom."

Elle’s small hand slipped into his as soon as they stepped out of the building. Which he truly didn't mind because he needed the reassurance that he was doing the right thing too.

“Is your bed big?” Elle asked suddenly as Sebastian started to guide her down the street.

Sebastian gave a half-smile. “Yeah… it’s big. You’ll like it.”

She looked up at him with wide, innocent eyes, and the tiniest hint of a grin tugged at her lips.

When they finally got to Sebastian's apartment, he thanked every diety above he'd thought to clean up the day before. He'd even washed his sheets, thankfully.

He went to his room and began to unpack Elle's bag, assuming having a place for her things would make her feel a little more at ease.

Her pyjamas were laid out on the bed alongside her stuffed animal and he placed her small stash of toys in the corner.

"So, you like pizza?" Sebastian asked sheepishly, placing her clothes carefully in a spare drawer.

Elle nodded eagerly. “Pizza’s my favourite!”

“Alright then… pizza it is. I’ll order us some. You like cheese?”

“Yep!” Elle confirmed without hesitation, climbing onto the bed and hugging her teddy bear.

He watched her settle in for a moment and felt his heart warm up. This was his daughter. She was his responsibility now, whether he liked it or not and he wanted to do right by her. What was right, he didn't know. But he'd figure that out after she got fed. That's what dad's did, right?

“Okay,” he said, shutting the drawer and standing up straight, “I’ll go figure out dinner. Sound good?”

Elle nodded again. “Good. But Sebastian?”

“Yeah?"

“Please don’t let mommy take me away again.”

Chapter Text

The reality of what the fuck had just happened hit Sebastian once Elle had fallen asleep.

The day had started as every other one did. He stayed up way too late working, slept until mid-afternoon and then… kaboom. His whole world exploded.

Only once his ass hit the sofa and he grabbed his phone to mindlessly scroll did he realise he had to actually tell people about Elle.

Sam. His mom. His sister. His step-father.

How would he even begin to explain it all?

"Hey, friends and family. Surprise! Have a five-year-old granddaughter/niece! Her mother just up and abandoned her, so, guess I'm a full-time dad now!"

Yeah, that would go greeeeeeat.

No, he had to do it tactfully.

The easiest one to tell would be Sam.

Sebastian chewed his lip, scrolling through his contacts until his thumb hovered over Sam’s name. How the fuck was he supposed to lead into this?

He tried out a few options in his head.

“Hey man, remember when we said we weren’t ready for kids yet? I guess I am.”

Nope.

“Hi Sam, so, funny story. You know how I don’t have a kid? Well, I do.”

No, no, no.

He tossed his phone onto the coffee table with a groan, dragging both hands down his face. He peered over his shoulder and spotted Elle curled up in his bed, fast asleep with her teddy bear in her arms, and all he could think about was how badly he was going to screw it all up.

Sebastian needed to talk to someone because he was on the precipice of a breakdown.

He hastily grabbed the phone off the table again and rang Sam's number, not even second-guessing himself. It rang twice before it was picked up.

"My man! Haven't heard from you in a while, how's it goin'?"

"Yeah, not bad. Actually, no, I gotta tell you something."

"Oh! Can I go first? I have something to tell you too."

Sebastian furrowed his brows, "Okay."

"So, you know how I was kinda seeing that mystery guy?"

"Mm," Seb mumbled.

"We're a thing now!"

"Oh, great," Sebastian replied, trying his best to sound happy and supportive. "When can I meet him?"

Sam laughed, "You already know him."

"I do?"

"Alex. You know, like Mullner Alex."

Sebastian blinked. “You're kidding.”

“Why would I be kidding? We’ve been hanging out a lot lately, or… more than hanging out and, well, it just kinda happened.”

Seb rubbed at his temple, trying to process that on top of everything else. Sam dating Alex was newsworthy, sure, but it was nothing compared to his own bombshell he was about to drop.

“That’s… yeah. That’s great. I’m happy for you,” Seb managed.

But Sam caught the uncertainty in his voice almost immediately. “Alright, spill. You sound like you’re five seconds away from hyperventilating. What’s going on?”

Seb’s throat went dry. He stared at the bedroom door, almost wishing he'd peer into the bedroom and Elle would have disappeared, like it was all a dream.

“Seb?” Sam prompted again.

Sebastian swallowed hard. “Uh. Okay. You know how we always joked that if I had a kid, I’d be the worst dad ever? Like, feed them chicken nuggets and call it nutrition, bedtime at 4 a.m. when I go to bed, that whole thing?”

“Yeah…” Sam said slowly and suspiciously.

“Well,” Seb exhaled shakily, pressing the heel of his hand against his eye, “I’m officially being tested on that theory. Because… apparently… I have a kid.”

Silence. For a second Seb thought the line had dropped out.

“Bro. What the actual fuck are you talking about?” Sam said loudly.

“Her name’s Elodie. She likes to be called Elle. She’s five. She’s asleep in my bed right now. And her mom—my uh, ex-fling I guess—just… left her with me. Like, arranged to meet me and just left.”

Sam swore loudly enough Sebastian glanced at the bedroom in case Elle had heard it. “Sebastian Robin—"

"That's not my fucking middle name, Samson, and you know it."

"—You cannot just drop a sentence like that on me. What do you mean you have a kid? When will her mom be back?”

“I—I don’t know,” Sebastian admitted with a soft crack to his voice. “She didn’t say. She just left. I think it's for good, Sam."

"Fuck. What are you going to do?"

"I'm not sure, I—I don't want her to fall into the system, she seems like a good kid but she asked me not to let her mom take her back. I don't know what she's been through and letting her become the state's responsibility… fuck."

Sebastian started breathing harder, feeling the beginning of a panic attack coming on. He hadn't had one of those in years.

"Alright, Seb, it's okay," Sam reassured him.

Sebastian loved that about Sam. He was intuitive and could read Seb like an open book, knowing exactly what he needed and how he was feeling, even through the phone.

“Breathe with me, alright?” Sam said slowly. “In through the nose, out through the mouth.”

Sebastian pressed the heel of his hand against his sternum, trying to force his lungs to obey his brain.

In. Out. In. Out.

The tight band across his chest eased, enough for him to get words out again.

“I can’t, Sam, I can’t do this. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. She’s five. She’s probably got school, she probably needs, like… healthy food and I only have instant ramen here, and she'll need friends, and—Jesus Christ, I don’t even own a fucking car. I can't take her on my bike!”

“It's okay. That’s all solvable stuff,” Sam said firmly. “It's summer, so no school right now. You can, I dunno, take her shopping for food, five-year-olds can tell you what they like. And the car, well, you're in the city. You can take the bus. Right now, all you have to do is keep her safe. And you’re already doing that.”

Seb slumped against the back of the couch and stared up at the ceiling. “What if I screw her up?”

“Seb. Look at me. Well, not literally, you can't do that right now, but imagine how I look telling you this.” Sam said. “You’re not gonna screw her up any more than her mom already did by leaving her. The fact that you're worrying about her so much, listing all the things she needs, means she's doing fine."

"Yeah, but… all of this is temporary, right? This can't be forever. I know nothing about kids. But she can't go back to her mom now. She asked me not to make her go back there. And I gotta tell my mom about her too. How the fuck am I going to do that?"

“Okay, remember to breathe firstly. Then listen to me. You don’t have to make it into a big thing, even though it kind of is. Just tell her. Your mom's better than mine, I'm sure she'll stay calm enough."

Sebastian snorted back a laugh. Sure, Robin could stay calm in most normal circumstances, but finding out you were a grandmother to a surprise five-year-old was definitely not normal circumstances.

Robin had made it clear her whole life she wanted the best for her kids, not to make the same mistakes she did. A failed marriage with a man who never cared for her son and left when he was two years old. She raised Sebastian to be better than his genes. And unintentionally, he had become exactly like his father. There was no way Robin was taking the fact she had failed very lightly.

Sebastian sighed and peered at the clock on the wall, hoping it was late enough to dodge the call at least until the next morning, but no luck. It wasn't even 9 p.m. and Robin always did her best invoicing after dinner, apparently.

"Alright, I'll do it now. Probably best to tell her before I turn up one day with a child with me," Sebastian said.

"Good luck, man. Call me if you need."

Sebastian thanked Sam for his reassurance and hung up, then scrolled immediately to his mom's number. His thumb simply wouldn't press the button.

The last thing Sebastian wanted to be was a disappointment. He already was, in a way. He was thirty, still single (mostly by choice) and had no inklings to settle down and start a family, at least, not until that day when he found out he already had. He moved away, called Robin once every two weeks if she was lucky and was still freelancing his way through his bills.

Being a failure of a father was just the icing on the shitty cake that was Sebastian, Robin's first born and only son.

Just call her. Just press the fucking button.

But all he could picture was Robin’s face when she realised that her son had not only managed to replicate her biggest regret but had done it even worse. At least her ex, his 'dad', had stuck around for two years before doing a runner. Sebastian? He hadn’t even known his kid existed until she was practically in kindergarten.

The phone buzzed in his hand, making him jolt.

Incoming call.

Of course it was her.

“Jesus,” Sebastian muttered under his breath before fumbling to answer. “Hey, Mom.”

“Sebby!” Robin said warmly with that distracted tone she always had when she was clearly multitasking. "How have you been?"

"Yeah, alright, listen mom, I—"

"You're not cancelling on me for dinner this month again, are you?"

Sebastian pulled his phone from his ear and looked at the date.

The 19th.

Mom always did dinner on the 20th of every month. Sebastian would drive back on his bike, spend the night in his old basement and exchange pleasantries with the villagers who had many annoying questions like "how is the city treating you?", "how is work?" and "how are you?". Super annoying, truly.

"No, I'm not. I was about to ring you though."

"Oh," Robin said, sounding completely surprised by the revelation. "If it wasn't to ditch your poor mother, then what's going on?"

Hold onto your metaphorical pearls, dear mother…

"There's something big I need to tell you and before you panic, I need you to hear the entire story," Sebastian explained cautiously.

"What is that supposed to mean!? Don't panic? What have you done!? Did you get arrested? Crash the bike? Are you sick? Dying?"

"No, mom! Just… listen, please."

He heard Robin exhale on the other end of the line. “Alright, fine. I’m listening.”

Alright. Sam said to breathe. So breathe. In. Out.

"So, today I caught up with an old… friend. At a cafe near here but um… when I got there, she wasn't alone. She had a little girl with her."

"Right…" Robin said, Sebastian simply knowing she was scowling hard by the sound of her voice.

"This little girl, her name is Elodie. Or, Elle. That's what she likes best. She's five."

"Okay? Why do I need to know about this girl?"

Sebastian bit his lip and hesitated. "Um, well. She's currently sleeping in my bed."

Oh, he could practically feel the confusion through the phone.

"Wh—"

"She's my daughter, mom."

Silence. Too much silence. Oh God, the silence was going to kill him.

"You… you have a daughter? And you hid this from me?"

"No! I only found out today, mom. I had no idea! I promise, this is as much of a shock to me as it is to you."

"So, why is she in your bed? Did you file for custody or something?"

Sebastian sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was tired of explaining it already and he'd only explained it three times. Though, he knew there would be plenty more times he'd have to explain the dynamic in the future.

"No, her mom, she told me she was going to the bathroom and she just never came back. I think she planned it because Elle had all her belongings with her."

"So call the police, Sebastian!" Robin snapped.

"I have! We were down there at the station tonight and… they told me she could come with me or they'd hand her over to the state and—"

"And you thought letting her stay with you was the best option? Sebby! She's a scared, abandoned little girl! A home where she can be placed with better resources is probably the best option for her!"

“No,” Sebastian’s voice cracked, feeling himself getting even more flustered. “She begged me not to. Do you understand? She begged, mom. What was I supposed to do? Hand her over to strangers?”

"You're a stranger!"

"Yeah, but—"

Ugh. There was no use arguing. Robin could be notoriously hard-headed when she wanted to be. Particularly when she was furious, which Sebastian thought she may have been leaning towards.

“No but! Sebby, you’re not trained for this. You don’t have the money, the job stability. What happens when she gets sick? What happens when she needs to go to school?”

“She’s my daughter, mom! I'm hoping I'll be able to sort things out with her mother but, if I can't then…"

Then what? Sebastian really didn't know. Picturing himself years in the future, he certainly didn't envision a little dark-haired girl in it. But maybe he had to shift that vision a little.

"Then I'll have to step up."

He heard Robin inhale sharply, then the phone shuffle a little like she'd swapped hands.

"Bring her tomorrow," Robin said slightly softer. "I'll explain this to Maru and Demetrius before hand."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Bring her. The earlier the better, I think we have a lot to discuss."

Yay! Joy! Wonderful! A lecture from one's own mother at thirty years of age! Yipee!

"Yep, alright," Sebastian said. "Goodnight, mom. Thanks for not freaking out too much."

"Oh, trust me. I'm flipping out on the inside. I don't think I'll be getting any sleep tonight."

Sebastian chuckled and said goodbye once more, then hung up before she could say anything else, letting the phone slide out of his hand onto the couch beside him.

He slumped down, and let out a deep breath, shoulders sagging, head tipping and eyes closed, then dragged a hand down his face.

“What the fuck…” he muttered to no one in particular.

The apartment was quiet again, like it was before he had the weirdest day ever, which he liked. But then he heard a tiny sound, so soft and muffled he almost thought it was coming from outside the building. But nope, it was crying coming from his bedroom.

Sebastian’s eyes shot open and he muttered a quiet "shit" to himself before heading into his room.

He stopped at the doorway. Elle was curled up in the middle of his bed with her fists rubbing at her eyes and blotchy, wet cheeks.

Something in his stomach twisted.

“Hey…" he said quietly, being super careful not to startle her.

Her head snapped up and for a second, she just stared at him but then she choked up and whispered, “I want my home.”

“Yeah. I know, I'm sorry," Sebastian said, cautiously approaching the bed and sitting on the edge of it. "I bet it feels really weird here.”

Elle sniffled and hugged her knees to her chest, nodding. “It smells funny here. It’s too quiet and this isn't my bed.”

“Yeah…” He rubbed the back of his neck, feeling completely and utterly useless. “It’s not. But it’s safe, I promise you. You’re safe here.”

"Okay."

"And hey, tomorrow, how would you like to take the bus?"

Elle's eyes brightened, just a tiny bit. "A real bus?"

"Yeah. A real bus. It's a long ride though, a few hours. So how about we visit some shops before we go and pick up a few things to do on the ride?"

"Sure," Elle sniffed. "Where are we going?"

"Well…"

Sebastian almost uttered the words "visiting my mom", but he quickly realised discussing the fact he still had a mom probably wasn't wise.

Instead, he chose to talk about Pelican Town.

"I didn't always live in the city. In fact, I used to live in a tiny town in the Valley. Have you ever been there?"

Elle shook her head.

"Okay, well, there's a beach, which is great because it's the summertime so you can swim. There's an old farm, a really nice place to get food and there's other kids there too you can play with. How does that sound?"

Elle sniffled again, “Kids?”

“Yeah,” Sebastian said, thrilled that she showed even a tiny spark of interest. “There’s Jas and Vincent, they're a little bit older than you though.”

“Are they nice?”

“They are,” Sebastian assured her. “And if they’re not, you can tell me, and I’ll handle it.”

That earned him a slow nod.

"Sebastian, can you stay here? While I sleep?"

“Of course,” he whispered in response, lowering himself carefully onto the bed. He didn’t want to crowd her though, so he kept just enough distance, but close enough that she could feel he was still there to comfort her if she needed it.

Elle curled in toward him, tucking her head near his side, then her small hand curled around his arm.

Sebastian felt his chest tighten in a way that was both fucking terrifying and strangely comforting.

“Shh… it’s okay, go back to sleep” he whispered softly, brushing a lock of hair from her face that was oh so like his own. “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

She sniffled against his side, letting out a small hiccup until they subsided and Sebastian was certain she'd fallen back asleep.

And when she had, he shimmied out of the bed and quickly showered, dressed and pulled out his extra blankets, creating a makeshift bed on the floor next to his own, ready for her if she woke up scared again.

She didn't.

Chapter Text

"Cause you don't understand, I do what I can, but sometimes I don't make sense."

The last thing Sebastian ever expected he'd be doing at 9 a.m. on a Saturday morning was perusing aisles of children's clothes in a store.

But, alas, there he was, staring down a sea of pink, purple and sparkly child sized clothing.

"Any look good?" Sebastian asked.

Elle shook her head from beside him.

Great. This was going great.

"Okay, what is something that you'd usually get?"

Elle shrugged, "Mom got me clothes from garbage bags."

Right. Okay. Elle was used to hand me downs. Sebastian could see how the unlimited choices in front of her were overwhelming.

"Alright, well, what's your favourite colour? Maybe we can just pick some things in that colour and work the rest out later."

"I like pink."

Of course she did. Didn't all little girls?

Sebastian crouched down so he was more on her level, glancing at the racks. “Okay,” he said, trying to sound upbeat even though he had no clue what the fuck he was doing. “Do you like dresses or pants?”

"Dresses."

"Alright, we can—"

"Not itchy ones," Elle said firmly.

Sebastian nodded then located one, grabbing it off the rack and holding it up.

It was baby pink with a frilly bottom and sparkly top. But Elle just frowned.

"The sequins are itchy."

Okay, no sequins.

Sebastian scrubbed a hand through his hair, quickly realising he had a lot to learn about not only being a dad, but being a girl dad.

He flipped through a few more until he spotted something pink with a softer cotton material and delicate flowers printed on it. “What about this?”

Elle tilted her head, considering it. Then she reached out and touched the fabric softly, running it through her fingers then nodded. “That one’s okay.”

Progress. Thank God.

Sebastian tossed it into the basket.

Now that he had a feel for the type of clothes Elle liked, he filled the basket to the brim and happily paid for what was practically a brand new wardrobe. The least he could do for having nothing to do with his daughter all these years was buy her some brand new clothes.

With clothes and colouring books in hand, Sebastian returned home and packed up their bags for a night away and wandered to the bus stop right by his apartment.

He noticed Elle was being quiet. Well, he already knew she was quiet. But this time she was quieter than normal and he watched as she picked at her fingernails while they waited for the bus to Pelican Town.

But he chose not to pry.

The bus arrived shortly after and they got on, thankfully not many people took that route, so he managed to snag them the back row where Elle could lay down if she wanted to.

As the bus pulled away from the city, making its way to the highway, Sebastian glanced sideways.

Elle was sitting stiffly, clutching her little backpack to her chest. She wasn’t looking out the window or using one of her new colouring books like he’d expected. Instead, she kept her eyes on the aisle, chewing the inside of her cheek.

Sebastian frowned.

“Hey,” he said softly. “You okay?”

Elle nodded quickly. “Yes.”

That was a lie and a half if he’d ever seen one.

He let the silence stretch, not wanting to push her too hard.

Sebastian remembered being a kid, hating when adults pressed for answers like "How was school today?" "What did you learn?" "Did you eat all your food?".

So he brought his eyes forward and focused on a bit of chewing gum someone had stuck to the seat in front of him.

“Who are you leaving me with?”

The tiny voice next to him startled him and broke his heart simultaneously.

"What do you mean—" Then it hit him. The bags. The trip.

To Elle, it must’ve looked like her mom all over again. A bag packed, taken somewhere and dropped off without a goodbye.

Then Elle confirmed what he was thinking. “Well, mom packed my stuff and said we were visiting someone. Then she left me with you. You told me we are going to visit people. Am I staying with them?”

“Elle,” Sebastian said hastily, “that’s not what this is. I’m not dropping you off anywhere. We’re just going to visit some of my family for one night and then we’re both coming back to my apartment.”

"Why are we visiting your family?"

Why, oh, why did children have to ask so many difficult questions?

Sebastian had to bite back to instinct to tell her that they were her family too. But the loud and bumpy bus wasn't the place to crack that can of worms open with her.

"I do this every month. My mom likes to make a big dinner and we all go and eat then I sleep over there before I come home. It's nice to visit where I grew up sometimes."

"Will I visit where I grew up?"

“That’s… a little different,” he said carefully. “I bet you grew up in a few different places, huh?”

Elle nodded. “Mom said we couldn't stay anywhere for too long. Sometimes we stayed with her friends. Sometimes with Grandma. My Uncle Harry moved to her house when she died, mommy couldn't have it.”

Huh. A name. Harry Pearson, he guessed. Sebastian stored that knowledge in his brain for later.

He wanted to tell Elle that this trip was different and that she wouldn't have to worry that every time a bag was packed, she'd be moving or getting left somewhere, but how did you promise something like that to a kid who’d already learned not to believe in promises?

“I'm sure you’ll get to visit where you grew up someday,” he said, eyes darting to look out the window. "But for now, you can stay at my place for as long as you want."

He cringed as soon as he said it. Telling Elle that was probably a mistake. He didn't know her future, maybe Emma would come back and get custody. She'd get it, surely. She'd raised Elle since she was a child, Sebastian hadn't.

But Elle’s head turned towards him, her brown eyes big and wide and shining. “Really?” she whispered.

Sebastian froze up. He wanted to backpedal and rephrase, find some safer wording. But the hopeful look on her face stopped him.

“Yeah. Really. You don’t have to worry about bags meaning goodbyes anymore, okay?”

Elle blinked up at him and then after a long pause, she nodded slowly and settled back into her seat. She loosened her grip on her backpack just a little, and for the first time that ride, Sebastian saw her relax.

That made him smile. One tiny battle won.

Halfway through the trip, she finally opened one of her new colouring books. When they were just around the corner, she pulled out some snacks. Sebastian was happy she was comfortable enough to do the things she liked in his presence.

When the bus finally came to a stop in Pelican Town, it had just started to rain.

Elle’s little hand clutched his as they stepped off the bus, bags strewn over Sebastian's shoulder.

“Where does your family live?” Elle asked, looking around at the serene scene before her, trees swaying, birds chirping.

Sebastian wasn't sure if Elle had ever seen a place like Pelican Town.

“Up in those mountains.” He pointed to his left.

Elle followed his finger, then looked back at him. “Do they know about me?”

"Yeah, they do. They're very excited to meet you."

That was a lie, he knew his mother was very hesitant and his half-sister and step-father? He had no idea what Robin had told them. But he prayed they all had the sense to at least be amicable.

Elle smiled then watched as an old truck pulled up in front of them with a very excited looking blonde in the drivers seat.

Sam bounded out of the car, beaming.

"Hey, Seb! I managed to borrow Vincent's car seat without mom noticing so she'll be safe," Sam informed them, pointing to the backseat where a child seat sat.

"Wow, never thought I'd see you so in tune with a child's needs," Sebastian snickered, squeezing Elle's hand a little harder as he guided her towards the car.

"Could say the same thing about you," Sam snickered right back before crouching down to meet Elle's eye level. "Hey, Elle. I'm Sam. It's great to meet you!"

Elle looked at Sam for a long moment then peered up at Sebastian. He nodded in approval and only then did she reply to Sam with a short "hi."

That appeased Sam enough to stand and brush off his knees, gesturing toward the car.

"Looks just like you, bro," he whispered as Sebastian circled the car and earned himself a whack on the arm and a stern 'shh'.

"She doesn't know yet, you fucking idiot," Sebastian hissed.

Sam rolled his eyes, "Yeah, yeah. I know. Just an observation."

They both got into Sam's truck once Sebastian had figured out how the hell to buckle Elle in and started the drive up the windy road to the mountains which was always super fun in the rain.

"So, what are your plans for the weekend?" Sam asked.

"Well, dinner obviously. And if the rain lets up, I want to show Elle the beach."

"You hate the beach," Sam said plainly.

"Yeah?" Sebastian replied all crankily. "Well, Elle doesn't so…"

“Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?”

Sebastian groaned. “Can you not right now? Please?”

From the back seat, Elle’s voice piped up. “Why don’t you like the beach?”

“Too much sun,” he answered after a moments hesitation. “And sand, it gets in your shoes… it gets everywhere.”

Elle seemed to think about it for a second, then she nodded like that was a perfectly reasonable answer. “I’ll find seashells for you so you don’t have to touch the sand.”

Sebastian’s chest tightened and he turned towards her and smiled. “Thanks."

He felt the shit-eating grin that Sam was sporting and turned back into his seat with a huff but, thankfully, Sam said nothing.

The truck crested the final hill, and there was the house. And there was also Robin.

She was watering the plants outside despite the fact it was actively raining.

Sebastian cursed under his breath. She never could just wait inside like a normal person. No, Robin had to use some activity as a guise to spy or get what she wanted. At least she could try and hide the fact that was what she was doing by hanging out in the garage or something, not put more water on already rain-logged plants.

Elle leaned forward against the straps of the car seat, "Who is that?"

"That's my mom." Sebastian frowned.

Sam pulled the truck to a stop and helped Sebastian with the bags while he wrangled Elle out of the vehicle, then Sam pulled away, leaving the three of them. How convenient.

Bags over his shoulder, Sebastian reached his hand out for Elle, who took it rather quickly.

Robin’s eyes darted from Sebastian to the little girl at his side and she placed her watering can off to the side, pasting on a smile that Sebastian could just tell was completely fake.

“Hello, Elodie,” Robin said brightly. “I’m Sebastian’s mom. It’s nice to meet you.”

Elle hesitated, leaning a little closer into Sebastian’s leg. She didn’t answer, just gave Robin a tiny nod.

“We’ve had a long ride. Maybe you could save the interrogation for later?” Sebastian whispered with a harsh tone to really get the point across that his mother needed to act nice.

Robin shot him a look but she kept her tone sweet for the sake of the small child. “Of course. Come inside, I'll get you a drink, Elodie."

"It's Elle, mom," Sebastian sighed as they followed her into the house.

"Right."

Sebastian caught that, the subtle annoyed tone in which she agreed and he simply knew that agreeing to bring Elle along when Robin hadn't had time to process her existence was a mistake, but it was too late to turn around now because Robin had offered Elle a juice box, winning her over for at least a moment.

"Come on, Elle, I'll show you where we'll sleep," Sebastian said.

Elle followed with juice box in hand as they descended the stairs to the basement.

It was odd coming home to the basement. Sebastian had assumed it would be converted into a space for Demetrius or Maru to utilise, but instead it was like some old relic. An ode to Sebastian. He'd left home when he was twenty-one. Nine years ago. And yet, it remained oddly untouched, except for the computer. That went with him when he moved.

"Here's my old bed, you can sleep there and I'll have the couch," Sebastian said, pointing to the tiny single with the black covers.

"Why do I always have the bed and you sleep somewhere else? It's your bed."

"Yes, but I'm your—" Sebastian almost let it slip. The reason he cared so much. But, he bit his tongue just in time. "Your friend, and I want you to be comfortable. I'm used to sleeping on couches."

That wasn't a lie. There was many a time Sebastian worked himself into the ground, so hard he barely made it to his bed and crashed on the couch. That was if he hadn't simply fallen asleep at his desk first.

Elle tilted her head, sipping from the juice box with a soft slurp.

“That must be sore,” she said finally.

"Sore?”

“Sleeping on couches,” Elle clarified. “Mom said that’s why her back hurt sometimes.”

Sebastian’s chest tightened again. He looked at her carefully and saw how much she was carrying around in that tiny body. Elle was clearly very observant. Oddly curious and intuitive. It almost made him feel ill how much Elle had seen, and how much she remembered. The little things she took note of, like how a couch hurt her mother's back.

“Don’t worry about me,” he said gently. “I’ll be fine.”

Elle frowned, but wandered over to the bed and sat down on it with a thump.

“I like this room," she commented, taking another sip of the juice box.

"Really?" Sebastian asked, setting their bags down in the corner. "Why's that?"

"You have lots of comic books and games. I used to play those at Uncle Harry's house before mom moved away."

Sebastian froze.

Uncle Harry again. That name was starting to show up a lot. He had told himself he was shoving that into the mental filing cabinet for later, but every part of him was burning with curiosity right now.

“Yeah?” he asked casually, forcing himself not to make her elaborate too much on her Uncle. “Which ones?”

“Batman," slurp. "And Spider-Man." slurp. "Uncle Harry had the ones with Venom, but mom said they were too scary for me.”

Sebastian laughed. “Yeah, Venom’s a bit scary for kids.”

“Do you have Venom?”

“I might,” Sebastian said with a groan as he crouching by the shelf. His hands skimmed over the dusty boxes stacked below the desk. “If mom didn’t throw them out, I think I have some Batman and Spider-Man.”

Elle hopped off the bed, juice box still clutched in her fist, and crouched down beside him, eyes scanning the shelf.

"Ah. Here."

Sebastian pulled out a few comics and spread them out for Elle to flick through.

Elle carefully set her juice box on the floor beside her knee and traced her small hands over the glossy pages, flipping one open and starting to read them aloud.

"You can read?" Sebastian asked, shocked. She was only five, after all.

Elle nodded.

"That's amazing, how?"

Sebastian realised the question was kind of dumb, but he was quickly realising it definitely wasn't Emma who'd sat down and taught her.

"When mom made me watch the TV to be quiet, I liked the words at the bottom. Then I knew that they were saying and how it sounds."

Sebastian blinked at her. “The subtitles?”

Elle nodded, still focused on the comic in her lap. “Mhm. If you watch the same movie a lot, you learn the words. Like when Spider-Man says, with great power comes great responsibility.”

Sebastian choked on something crossed between a laugh and a scoff of disbelief. She hadn’t had bedtime stories or someone sitting down and sounding things out with her. She’d taught herself by squinting at subtitles on some busted TV screen. And to Spider-Man, of all things.

Maybe there was no need for a DNA test after all.

“That’s… really fucking smart,” he said softly.

"You said a swear," Elle noted.

Oh shit. He had.

"Oh, yeah, whoops. Sorry. It's hard to remember I've got a kid around sometimes," Sebastian said sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck.

“It’s okay. Mom said bad words all the time.”

Sebastian frowned. That was not exactly the reassurance he wanted. “Well, I’ll… try not to, okay? You can yell at me if I do.”

Her eyes lit up. “Really?”

“Really,” He leaned in a little, lowering his voice and whispering. “But don’t tell my mom I said fuck, or she’ll ground me.”

"You just said it again."

"Fuck. I mean, whoops."

That earned him a tiny giggle and Sebastian felt a little bit of the tightness and his chest release.

He sat back on his heels, watching her flip through the comic with her legs crossed, completely absorbed. For a moment, it was easy to forget how fucked everything was and even though he'd only known her for a day, things with Elle felt normal.

Of course Sebastian realised that wasn't going to last forever. Once he got back home, things were going to be truly fucking awful. But for now, he simply relished in the fact he and his daughter shared one very exciting hobby.

Comics.

Sebastian wasn't sure how long he sat there with Elle, flicking through comic books he hadn't touched in years, smiling when he realised they were finally getting a new lease on life through Elle's eyes, but the moment was shattered when he heard his name being called from upstairs.

"Sebastian! Dinner!"

Sebastian groaned quietly. Of course the one moment of peace and bonding he’d managed to carve out, ruined by his mother’s voice ricocheting off the walls.

Elle looked up at him with those big, wide brown eyes. “Do we have to?”

He understood that feeling a little too well.

“Yeah,” he sighed, getting to his feet and brushing off his jeans. “We do. But I tell you what, we'll pick some of your favourites, I'll read you a few tonight and the rest we can pack up and take back with us to the apartment. Sound good?"

Elle nodded eagerly.

Together, they climbed the stairs and when they reached the dining table, everyone was already seated, three sets of eyes on them both.

“There you are,” Robin said in that fake sweet way that made him clench his teeth. “We were starting to think you’d gotten lost down there.”

“We were just looking at some of my old stuff.”

“Comics,” Elle added as Sebastian helped her sit at the table and tucked the chair in for her.

"Ah," Robin said. "I had been planning to throw those out, actually."

Guess we're taking them all with us then…

Sebastian didn't even respond, instead, he heard Demetrius clear his throat.

"So, Elodie—" he began until a cough from next to him from his daughter made him correct himself. "—Elle, how are you enjoying Pelican Town?"

Elle shrugged.

"She's never been to a place like this," Sebastian answered for her. "But I think you said you liked the sound the trees made in the wind?" he directed to Elle.

Elle nodded.

Thankfully, everyone got the hint that Elle was a bit shy, not quite eager to talk to a table full of strangers and the conversation shifted while they ate Robin's roast dinner.

Demetrius had conducted a new study on some sort of fish in the lake Sebastian didn't care to remember. Maru was entering her third year of her PhD. Robin was building a shed for the farm Sebastian had only known as abandoned, though apparently it had a new occupant now.

Then, finally, dinner finished.

"You can go downstairs and finish reading those comics if you like, Elle. But no Venom, remember?"

"I remember."

Sebastian offered her a smile and he watched as Elle wandered back down into the basement.

"Alright. Elephant in the room, get it all out," Sebastian huffed once he heard the basement door close.

Robin went first, because of course she did.

"She's nice, Sebby, and I can see you're taking good care of her. But I just wonder if this is the right thing for you to do."

"As opposed to what, mom?" Sebastian said with a sigh.

They'd already been around this roundabout.

“As opposed to you dropping everything in your life on a whim for a child we don't even know is yours."

"We do, mom."

"No, Sebby. We don’t know that for sure,” Robin snapped. “You can’t just assume a child is yours to take in. What if you’re wrong? What then?”

Sebastian pinched the bridge of his nose, exhaling slowly. “Mom, I know what I know. I don’t need a test to tell me this is my responsibility. She has no one else, and I can’t just walk away.”

"And what about your life, Sebastian? Your work? Your apartment? You’re barely keeping yourself afloat as it is. You can’t just take on a five-year-old because it feels morally correct.”

“Did you tell dad all of this? When he was leaving you and me behind? Did you tell him it was okay because he had a life and couldn't keep himself afloat? Or did you cry for hours in my bed, scared and alone, hoping he would come back and look after me and you?”

Robin blinked, taken aback. "Sebastian—"

“I can’t just let that happen to Elle. I won’t let her get thrown into the system. She needs me now, whether I have my life perfectly in order or not.”

"Robin, darling—" Demetrius started, placing a hand on Robin's that was clenching at the table. "Sebastian is right. He is stepping up, whether he is ready to or not. This whole situation may be one big, messy mistake but he is doing everything right. He is thirty-years-old, now. We need to trust him."

Wow.

"Uh, thanks Demetrius."

"And hey," Maru finally spoke. "If you want, bring her past the clinic tomorrow. I'll get Harvey to squeeze her in for a full workup before you head off. Make sure she's all set with shots and everything."

Sebastian's eyes widened slightly, "Oh, uh, yeah. Thanks. That would be great, actually. Her mom didn't leave any medical stuff with her."

Robin opened her mouth and sighed, the type of sigh that let Sebastian know she'd given up the fight.

“I just worry,” she muttered. “You’re taking on a lot, Sebby.”

“I know, mom,” Sebastian said quietly. “I know it's a lot but I think she's had a really rough life. She needs some stability, reassurance and love and I can give her that right now. The system can't so I’m not going to walk away.”

Demetrius gave him a small, approving nod. “Then we support you.”

“Thank you.”

“So… comics, huh?" Maru said, clearly wanting to change the subject to something more positive about her new niece. "Looks like she’s already got you wrapped around her little finger.”

Sebastian glanced toward the basement stairs, imagining Elle perched on the floor, completely absorbed in the pages of Batman and Spider-Man waiting for him to come down and read them to her. He couldn’t help the small smile tugging at his lips. “Yeah. She has."

With a bit of the tension lifted, thankfully, Sebastian quickly finished up his dinner, eager to get back downstairs and when he did, Elle was in the same place she had been earlier that day.

"Oh, Wonder Woman. Nice," he noted, unpacking the bag to locate her pyjamas ready for a bath.

"She looks like me."

Sebastian peered over his shoulder, seeing the comic book open in her lap, her fingers tracing the long, dark hair.

"Yeah, she does," he agreed softly. "Hey, time for a bath, kiddo."

"Do I have to?" Elle whined.

"If you wanna sleep in my bed, yeah. You stink."

Elle scoffed loudly. "I don't stink! You stink!"

"Hm," Sebastian hummed, then dramatically took a whiff of his own armpits. "Yeah, you're right. You better have a bath so I can have one after. Then we'll both be smelling clean."

Elle scrunched her nose and gave a little huff of protest, but she stepped toward the bathroom anyway, dragging her small feet reluctantly.

Sebastian followed, carrying her pyjamas and a towel, and ran the bath then left her to it with soap and a wash cloth.

When she was done, she wandered out of the bathroom with pyjamas on but sopping hair, dragging the towel behind her.

"Tsk," Sebastian clicked his tongue. "Let me dry your hair a bit."

Elle plopped down on the edge of the couch and Sebastian gently took the towel, wrapping it around her shoulders. He started patting her hair dry, careful not to tug on the damp strands, noting just how alike to his own it was. Thick and yet still dead straight.

Once it was sufficiently not dripping water all over the place, he guided Elle to bed and let her pick the comic he'd read. The unfinished Wonder Woman one she was reading.

She was asleep before it was over and he placed it on the bedside, just for safe keeping.

"Goodnight, Wonder Woman," he whispered, pressing a kiss to her head before tucking her in. "You're the bravest girl I know."

Chapter Text

When Elle and Sebastian arrived at the clinic the next morning, thankfully Maru had seemed to brief Dr. Harvey on the situation.

Maru scooted Elle away somewhere, leaving Harvey and Sebastian to talk about her without her in earshot.

"So, I understand you know nothing about her family history, previous illnesses, vaccinations, anything like that," Harvey said, flicking through a clipboard of what looked like empty paper.

"Yeah, when her mom left her with me, all I got was her birth certificate. Nothing else," Sebastian replied.

Harvey sighed softly, jotting something down on the otherwise bare page. “That makes things a little tricky, but it's not not impossible. We’ll just have to start from scratch. Baseline blood work, growth charts, vision and hearing checks, and a general physical. Vaccinations we’ll have to simply start with the basic ones until you can track something down.”

“Right," Sebastian said, shifting in his chair and fiddling with his hoodie strings. "So, uh… what do I do?”

Harvey looked up, and then threw Sebastian a look of pity, which he hated. “You just make sure she's safe and comfortable. We’ll handle the rest.”

There was something comforting about the Harvey said it. She was safe and he sure hoped she was comfortable. As comfortable as she could be with a literal stranger, at least.

Then, Maru returned with Elle, who was holding a sticker in one hand and a juice box in the other. A favourite for the females in his family to give his daughter, apparently.

“Elle,” Harvey greeted gently, crouching a little to her level. “I’m Dr. Harvey. Today I just want to make sure you’re nice and healthy, okay? Nothing scary, just some talking and checking.”

Way to not mention the shots. Yet.

“Okay,” Elle said quietly.

“Good girl,” Harvey said warmly, then gestured toward the exam table. “Why don’t you hop up here and we’ll start with something easy. Maybe listening to your heart?”

Elle nodded and Sebastian gave her a hand up onto the table.

Harvey slipped the stethoscope into his ears and pressed the bell gently against Elle’s small chest. “Deep breath in… and out. Perfect. Just like that.”

He listened carefully while she kept breathing deeply, slowly.

“Everything sounds good so far,” Harvey said after a moment, smiling at Elle and taking the stethoscope from his ears. “Strong lungs. Strong heart.”

Then, he tapped the bell against his own chest. “Want to try?”

Elle blinked at him then slowly reached for it. Harvey handed it over carefully, and she pressed the cold end against his chest while Harvey slotted the other end in her ears, giggling softly when it made a thumping noise.

“See? Nothing scary,” Harvey said gently. “Now, I’ll need to do a few more checks, but you can keep holding that for a bit if you like.”

Elle nodded and kept pressing the bell against her chest, listening to her own heartbeat.

Harvey checked her patellar reflex, weighed her, took her height, and shone a tiny light into her eyes and ears.

“Almost done,” Harvey reassured, scribbling notes as he worked. “You’re very cooperative, Miss Elle. Makes my job very easy.”

When Harvey finally set his clipboard down, Sebastian nearly sagged in relief. “So?” he asked, a little too quickly.

“She’s looking good,” Harvey said, offering a small smile. “She’s on the smaller side for her age, but nothing I’d call alarming. It could be genetics, it could be nutrition, it could be just her. But she’s alert, responsive, cooperative and happy and that’s all very reassuring. I'm happy with her health.”

Sebastian finally let himself breathe.

“But,” Harvey continued, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, “we do need to talk about vaccines. Without any record, the safest path is to assume she hasn’t had them. That means starting the schedule over.”

“Shots. Today?” Sebastian asked with a wince.

“Yes. Some today, some spaced out over the next few months. It’s what’s best to keep her safe and protected."

He glanced at Elle, who was still swinging her legs from the exam table, tapping the stethoscope lightly against her own chest. She looked calm and completely unaware of what was coming her way.

“Uh… how many?” he asked.

“Three today. Then we’ll schedule the next round for next time you're in town or I can send her file onto your preferred doctor in the city.”

Sebastian sighed.

Three. Fuck. She’s gonna hate me.

“Will it hurt?” Elle piped up suddenly. She must’ve caught enough of the conversation to put the pieces together.

Harvey didn’t lie, which Sebastian both respected and dreaded. “A little, kind of like a pinch. But it's over very quickly and I give suckers for every single shot.”

Elle’s lip trembled and her head snapped towards Sebastian like she was waiting for him to scoop her up and say "Don't worry about it, Harv. She'll be fine!" and walk out of the establishment.

Instead, he plopped himself onto the bed beside her. “Hey, remember how brave you were letting Harvey listen to your heart? This is kinda the same. Just real fast, then we’re done. I'll take you to the beach after this, yeah?”

"Okay," she sniffed, tears welling at the corners of her eyes.

"Good stuff. You're Wonder Woman, remember?"

Elle gave him a little nod.

Sebastian smoothed a hand over her hair, trying to look calm and not stressed the fuck out because the universe put him in a position where he had to sit there and let someone stick needles into his kid who’d already been through so much the last three days.

Harvey set everything up quickly and quietly. “Alright, Elle. Three quick pinches, and then you get your sucker. Which flavour do you like best? I’ve got grape, watermelon, strawberry, orange…”

“Strawberry."

“Excellent choice. I’ll save some just for you.” Harvey nodded in Sebastian's direction and Sebastian took the hint, pulling Elle gently onto his lap. She turned into him and pressed her face into his chest and took fists full of his hoodie in her hand

“It's okay, Elle,” Sebastian murmured against the top of her head, “you hold onto me and you squeeze as hard as you want."

The first shot made her flinch, but Sebastian kept whispering nonsense in her ear.

"You’re okay. It's almost done. You're stronger than me. You're like Wonder Woman, remember?"

By the third, her small body was trembling in his arms and he could almost feel the tears soaking his clothes.

He hated it. He hated that it was necessary. He hated that he couldn’t take it for her. He hated that her mother didn't do this shit with her because he now realised, based on the way she had no idea what to expect, she hadn't had any shots at all. At least not in recent times.

Then Harvey pressed the last plaster in place on her arm and said warmly, “All done.”

Elle sniffled and pulled away, swiping at her eyes with the back of her hand.

“Bravest kid I’ve seen all week,” Harvey told her, pulling a bright red sucker from his coat pocket and passing it to her. “Strawberry, just like I promised.”

Elle peeked out, saw the candy, and reached for it, then proclaimed, "You said three."

Sebastian burst into laughter. Elle was right. He had promised three.

"I tell you what," Harvey chuckled, "on your way out, go see Maru and ask her for four suckers and three stickers."

“Four?” she whispered, eyes wide.

“Four,” Harvey confirmed with a nod.

That did the trick. Elle’s lips curled into a smile and she climbed down off Sebastian's lap and began to wander out the door.

“Thanks, Harvey,” Sebastian said softly, watching her catch her Aunt Maru, explaining how the doctor with the moustache had promised her four lollipops.

Harvey glanced up between cleaning up the needles. “You’re welcome. You’re doing right by her, Sebastian.”

Sebastian just nodded and swallowed thickly, leaving the room too.

He caught up with Elle, struggling to hold the six suckers she'd conned Maru out of with at least ten stickers scattered across her t-shirt.

"Maru!" Sebastian scolded.

"What? She's cute," Maru muttered defensively.

"That shirt is brand new!"

"And now it's decorated in beautiful stickers, you're welcome," Maru grinned.

Sebastian rolled his eyes and collected the suckers, shoving them into his hoodie pocket with the promise she could have another other than the one already shoved in her mouth once they got to the beach.

Outside, the sun hit them, which should have been a nice change from the rain the previous day, however it was Sebastian's least favourite type of weather.

Elle grabbed Sebastian's hand instinctively, which was sticky from the sucker and made Sebastian cringe, but he appreciated that her first thought when going somewhere new was to take his hand, so he accepted his sticky fate.

The whole walk, Elle chattered around her sucker, harping on out about the stickers, how she was braver than most kids probably were because she was Wonder Woman, and how she was definitely never going to the doctor again.

Normally, Sebastian would have filled the gaps in words with "mmhms" and "yeps" and "uh-huh's" like he did with Sam when he got on a yapping spree, but this time he just smiled.

He'd never heard Elle talk so much. If he'd known all it would take was a few bits of candy to get her out of her shell, he'd have done it much, much earlier.

They reached the bridge that went over the lake and opened up to the beach, the sea stretching out ahead of them. The water was glistening in the sun and the seagulls were squawking. Elle came to a stop right at the edge of the bridge, eyes growing wide at the sight.

“It’s big," she whispered, hand sliding out of Sebastian's.

“Yeah, it is. First time seeing the ocean in real life?"

Elle nodded. She stepped forward until the bridge ended and gave way to the warm sand.

Her sneakers crunched against it, and she looked down, wriggling her toes in her shoes.

"You can take them off if you like. I'll carry them," Sebastian said.

Elle eagerly handed Sebastian her sticky lollipop, which almost made him grimace, then bent down and ripped off her sneakers and socks in record time, stepping onto the soft, clean sand below.

"Woah," she muttered, wiggling her toes again.

She dug her toes deeper, then crouched to scoop a fistful into her palm. She let it stream out between her fingers, watching the grains scatter back down.

“It’s soft,” she said quietly.

Sebastian tucked her shoes under his arm and pocketed her sticky lollipop, resigning himself to the fact his hoodie was now a lost cause between the tears, sand and now the sticky candy. “Yeah. It gets everywhere, though. Just wait until you’re trying to get it out of your hair for a week.”

Elle giggled and tossed another handful into the air. “I like it.”

The sounds of children screaming stopped her in her tracks and she stared out onto the horizon where she spotted a girl with hair a similar shade to hers and a little red-haired boy seemingly engaged in a sand-throwing fight. Or rather, the boy was throwing it and the girl was screaming.

"Vincent! Stop it!"

"But it's like a snow fight in the summer!"

"Snow doesn't get in my eyes, you idiot!" The girl shrieked.

Then, Sebastian saw Sam marching over. He had that big-brother stride going on, shoulders squared and jaw set. When he reached them, he grabbed the red-headed boy by the wrist just as the girl tried to shield her eyes.

“Vince, knock it off, dude!"

Vincent squealed, twisting out of Sam’s grip and bolting a few steps away, still laughing. The girl immediately flopped down onto the sand with an exaggerated groan, brushing gritty sand from her face.

"Do you know them?" Elle asked cautiously.

"Yeah, they're the kids I told you about. Vincent and Jas. Did you want to go talk to them?"

Elle faltered for a minute, "Um…"

"Okay, rephrase. Did you want to go talk to Jas?"

Elle nodded.

Sebastian hid a small smile. He should’ve guessed. Elle had been watching the girl since the moment she heard her voice. And Vince was simply a menace, he didn't blame his timid daughter for wanting nothing to do with him. “Alright. Let’s go say hi”

Jas spotted Elle first. She sat up straighter, brushing sand off her arms, and tilted her head. “Who’s that?” she asked in Sebastian's direction.

“This is Elle,” Sebastian said. “She’s… with me.”

“Hi, Elle. I'm Jas. Short for Jasmine, but I don't like Jasmine."

Elle giggled, "Elle is short for Elodie, but I don't like it either."

"Elodie is so cool! You wanna help me bury Vincent? He’s being the worst.”

“Hey!” Vincent yelped, throwing his arms wide from afar.

Elle blinked, then looked up at Sebastian like she was asking for permission.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to. But if you do, I won’t stop you. You might even help, actually.”

Her mouth curled into the smallest smile, and she let go of his hand and shuffled toward Jas.

“Okay,” she whispered.

Jas clapped her hands together. “Yes! Come on, we’ll dig a big hole. Vincent has to stay in it forever.”

“No, I don’t!” Vincent argued.

Jas took Elle by the hand and they wandered over to a spot Jas deemed deep enough to bury Vincent in, leaving Sebastian standing by himself until Sam appeared by his side.

"Hey, man. How did it go with your family?"

Sebastian scoffed a laugh, "About as well as you can expect. Mom gave push back, I brought up dad. Went great."

"Yeesh," Sam sighed. "She looks happy though."

"I think she is. Watching her here almost makes me not want to take her back home… but I know that's just me being selfish. There will be a lot of legal shit to deal with I'm sure, so hiding out here won't be good for either of us."

"You're sure you're ready to tackle all that? Lawyers and stuff? That's kinda intense. Is it worth it?"

Is it worth it? What the fuck kind of question is that?

"Yes, Sam. It is. I never had any inkling towards kids, you know me, but… once your own flesh and blood is staring you in the face asking you to read her a story in bed, I dunno, shit just changed. Maybe you'll understand one day and won't be asking me dumbass questions like that."

Sam laughed, "I dunno, man. I don't think I'll be getting Alex pregnant any time soon…"

"Sam."

"Any time at all, actually…"

"Sam!"

"Cos, ya know, we're dudes and me putting my cock in his ass isn't going to—"

"Fucking, Christ, Samson! I don't want to know anything about what you and Mullner get up to in the bedroom!"

"Oh, it's not just the bedroom. It's the bathhouse… the backroom of the saloon… the bridge just over there once, actually…"

Before Sebastian could chide Sam anymore and find something to sanitise the bridge with before he took his daughter across it, Elle came wandering over towards them, a look of confusion on her face.

"Hey, Elle. You alright?" Sebastian asked.

"Vincent said you're my dad."

Sebastian physically felt the blood drain from his face, then simultaneously rise back to his cheeks when he realised where Vincent would have heard such information.

His head snapped to the side and he glared at Sam.

"I didn't tell him! I swear!" Sam said, hands up in surrender. "Maybe he… overheard me talking to mom and dad…"

"Is it true?" Elle asked.

Sebastian knew he couldn't lie to her anymore. He didn't want to. That poor girl had suffered through enough lies and broken promises in her short five years, so he figured it was best to be open.

"Come on, we'll go talk."

Sebastian held out his hand and Elle looked at it hesitantly, but then took it.

They ended up at the saloon. Sebastian knew Elle would be hungry, having only had toast that morning, and he figured a chocolate milkshake would probably help the conversation he was about to have.

He selected a booth right at the back where they were guaranteed at least a little privacy, given it was still early enough in the day, and when Elle's milkshake and fries were placed in front of them, Sebastian took a deep breath.

"Okay, so, I'm not even sure how to even begin to explain this, and I'm sorry Vincent said that to you," he started slowly.

Elle leaned forward, chin propped on her hands and sipped at her milkshake. “So he told the truth?”

Sebastian rubbed his palms together, searching for words that felt right, but none did. “Yeah. It’s true.”

“But… you’re Sebastian. You’re not my dad,” Elle frowned.

The words hurt when they landed and even though he knew she didn't mean it that way, he felt a stab in his heart. She was confused, not being cruel, but it was painful nonetheless.

“I am Sebastian,” he said carefully. “And I am your dad. Both can be true.”

Elle’s eyes narrowed like she was turning it over in her head. Then she sat back in the booth, arms crossed. “Why?”

"Why what?"

"Why didn't I know that?"

“Because I didn’t know for the longest time, Elle. I didn't know about you until your mom left you with me two days ago."

“You didn’t know about me?”

Sebastian shook his head. “No. If I had, things would’ve been different for you. I promise. I can’t say they would’ve been perfect, but I never would’ve let you feel like you didn’t have a dad. This isn't your fault, Elle. It's not that I didn't want you, it's that I just didn't even know you existed.”

She paused for a long moment and popped a fry into her mouth. “So you loved my mom?"

"I… well, no, I… I didn't love your mom."

"Mommy said babies happen when two people love each other," she said with a completely straight face.

Holy fuck.

Sebastian choked on a laugh that turned into a cough, then swallowed it down thickly. He could feel his face go hot and red.

“Okay,” he said, slow and carefully, giving himself a second to compose a sensible answer. “Well, sometimes babies happen because two people love each other very much and sometimes babies happen even when people don't. The important thing isn’t how you got here, Elle. It’s that you’re here now, and I’m here, and I want to be your dad.”

“So you want me?”

“Yeah. I want you. I want to read you stories and make terrible pancakes and carry you when your feet get tired. I want to be here when you wake up in the middle of the night and when you fall and scrape your knee. I'm sorry I wasn't there to help you earlier, I would have been there in a heartbeat if I had known. But please know that nothing that ever happened is your fault, okay?

"Okay," Elle replied.

"And… and you don’t have to call me dad if you don’t want to. Sebastian is just fine."

"Can I call you dad if I want to?"

“If you want,” he said. “You can call me dad, Seb, stinky, anything you like. I’ll answer.”

Elle laughed loudly, "Stinky dad."

"Yes, dear daughter? What is it that ails you?"

She laughed again, "Stop it!"

"Oh, but sweetheart, you called me by my name! Stinky McDaderson. I must find out what concerns my darling offspring!"

"Daaaaad!"

Sebastian laughed hard until his stomach hurt, then nudged the milkshake in her direction, "Drink up. We gotta go past mom's house and grab all those comics before we head back home to the city."

Elle hummed.

"What's up?"

"Can we come back here one day? I like it here."

"Yeah," Sebastian said, wistfully. "We'll come back. I do this every month, remember?"

Elle beamed and downed her milkshake quickly, yapping and yapping and yapping about alllll the comics she was going to read on the bus trip home.

Chapter Text

"A family of trees wanting to be haunted."

Once Sebastian and Elle were safely back in the city, bellies full of takeout pizza (Sebastian swore he'd start cooking proper meals tomorrow) and freshly washed, clean and in bed, Sebastian decided it was time for a little bit of internet sleuthing. With Elle sleeping deeply, he got up from the bed and wandered over to his desk, firing up his PC.

Uncle Harry was the name Elle had used a few times and given Elle had said he lived in Grandma's house, he figured he'd be the best person to contact to try and find out more information about Emma and their daughter.

Sebastian started with the basics. Every social media platform, searching for someone named Harry Pearson with an resemblance to Elle or her mother. He quickly realised Harry Pearson was hardly a rare name. There were dozens upon dozens of profiles. Men fishing and holding up their catches, gym selfies, cute little family photos, and far too many who looked nothing like Elle or Emma.

Sebastian leaned back with a sigh, drumming his fingers against the desk. He thought about Emma and how little she had left behind. Just Elle, a birth certificate, and fleeting scraps of family talk Elle had dropped when she let her guard down a little.

He typed in Harry and Emma Pearson + obituary, praying something might crop up about Elle's grandmother and—bingo.

A newspaper from a month ago.

Margaret May Pearson, survived by a son, Harry, a daughter, Emma and a granddaughter, Elodie. Late husband, Albie Pearson.

Huh. So Emma named Elle after her grandmother. Interesting.

Now he knew 'Uncle Harry' was a real person, but he was no closer to finding out how to contact him.

Sebastian rubbed at his jaw. If Harry had inherited the house, there might be a record of the property transfer.

He clicked through countless registry sites, hitting nothing but paywalls until one website came up with the goods. There it was, tucked away in a bland little line of legal jargon: Transfer deeds of 62 Maple Street, Grampleton, to Harry Albert Pearson.

“Got you,” he cackled under his breath.

The problem was, what came next?

There was no button he could simply click to message Harry, no link to any social media. Just an address and a name.

He could write a letter but he figured that would just be torn up. And was painfully slow. He could just drive over and knock on the door. But that was creepy, right?

Sebastian dragged a frustrated hand through his hair and pulled up the maps website, typing the street address. When he found the house, it was surrounded by neatly kept gardens and it was modest. White panelling with green trim and a big old oak tree in the front yard.

It looked surprisingly normal.

Maybe he expected it to look awful, like that would excuse Emma's behavior, having a mother that was just as awful. But it wasn't. And now he was thankful Elle had her grandmother for all that time… and began to regret his own living arrangements.

If he was to have Elle permanently like he hoped he would, he'd definitely need to get a bigger place where Elle could have her own room… and perhaps stop freelancing and get a big boy job for stability.

Sebastian sat there staring at the image of 62 Maple Street, the little white house with its green trim and tidy yard. It looked like the kind of place kids rode bikes in the driveway and neighbours waved as they passed.

Elle had told him she enjoyed Pelican Town. Would running away with her to his tiny home town really be that bad?

Yes. Yes, it would. He liked the city and plenty of kids lived and grew up in the city. Elle would be fine.

With such rogue thoughts running around in his head, Sebastian decided to call it a night. He needed to sleep before he got even more irrational. He'd work out Harry in the morning.

He slept on the floor again, letting Elle have the large double bed and woke up early with a crick in his neck. Which was lovely, because when he checked his emails quickly, he had a request from a client for an update of his progress.

For the last few days, Sebastian had completely forgotten he even had a job.

Okay, so he has a job and a child. No biggie. People worked from home with their kids all the time, right?

Right.

Except Sebastian lived in a tiny one bedroom flat and not a large house with a yard like 62 Maple Street where Elle could go and play with the other kids while he worked.

He let out a groan, rubbing the knot in his neck while staring at the blinking cursor on the screen. Update your progress. Yeah, sure. Progress on what? He'd kept a kid alive and fed after having his whole life turned upside down. There's an update for you.

The truth was, the last few days had eaten his focus completely. Between the gaining of a child, telling his family about her, visiting home and breaking the news to Elle that, yes, he was her father, Sebastian hadn’t opened a single one of his projects. And now the weight of it was pressing down on him hard.

Deadlines. Clients. Rent. Not to mention the other bills.

He turned his head. Elle was still asleep.

Fuck, he'd kill for a cigarette.

But then it hit him. He hadn't had one since the night he fell asleep after agreeing to meet Emma.

He stood and stretched, then wandered over to the small balcony, opening the door, grabbing his packet of cigarette's sitting on the table then took them inside and threw them in the trash.

One less bad habit for Elle to witness from a parent in her life.

The creak of the his bed brought him back to reality. Elle was sitting up and stretching, hair sticking out in every direction, blinking at the light seeping through the corners of the closed curtains.

“You were noisy,” she mumbled through a yawn.

“Sorry,” Sebastian said softly. “You can go back to sleep if you want, it's still early.”

She shook her head. “No. I'm hungry.”

Sebastian smirked, then realised he had no suitable breakfast food.

Fuck. Guess we'll be grocery shopping this afternoon then.

"Alright, get dressed and we'll head to the cafe down the road. I'll get you something."

"Okay," Elle said, climbing out of bed and following Sebastian into the living room. "And then we can go back to your mom's house?"

Agh. The pain in his chest.

"No, Elle, sorry. I've… actually got a lot of work to do today."

"Oh," Elle replied, Sebastian noting the tone of disappointment in her voice.

"But, it's okay. It will only take a few hours and then we'll go buy some food for all our meals."

"And snacks?"

"And snacks."

That made Elle smile a little.

"I thought you might also like to try out some of those video games we talked about while I work," Sebastian suggested.

“Like the one with the farm and the animals?”

Sebastian chuckled. “Yeah, that one. I’ll set it up for you when we get back.”

Elle smiled and wandered back to the bedroom and shut the door behind her, yelling something out to Sebastian about not going in because she was getting dressed.

Sebastian sighed in relief. That went well. If he could keep her entertained while he slogged through a few hours of work, maybe he’d manage to keep a roof over their heads for another month.

Baby steps.

He purposely took Elle to a different cafe than the one he'd acquired her at. One of the perks of living in the city. A different cafe on every corner. He ordered himself a black coffee and Elle a chocolate milkshake and a muffin.

They took their food home and Sebastian set her up in the small living room, blanket on the floor like she was having a picnic.

"Is there any movies you like to watch or something?" Sebastian asked, turning on the TV.

Elle shrugged.

Right. Elle spent a lot of time watching TV. Not the best choice…

"Okay, uh, forget that. Maybe while you eat you can listen to some music and read some comics? Then I'll set up the video games."

Elle tilted her head, chewing on a bite of muffin as she thought. “Do you have Spider-Man?”

Sebastian raised a brow. “The game?”

“Yeah.”

He chuckled. “I don’t, but maybe we can pick it up sometime. For now, I’ll show you the one with the farm animals you talked about."

Sebastian set the game up and showed her the basics of the controller, then left her to it with the comics by her side while went back to his desk shoved in the corner.

He sipped his coffee, cracked his neck, took a deep breath and forced himself to start sorting files.

“The chicken ran away from me!" Elle giggled from behind him. "Come back, chicken!”

Sebastian glanced over his shoulder. She was leaning forward, totally absorbed in the game.

Okay, maybe this was going to work, after all.

Hours slipped past, though his work was getting done in twenty-minute bursts. He'd get absorbed, Elle would ask for help when she got stuck in the game, then he'd get back to work. By the time the clock hit 2 p.m., he’d actually finished two client drafts.

Progress!

He put the PC to sleep with soft sigh and turned around in his chair. Elle was still sprawled on the floor with her legs crossed, humming under her breath while her little farmer fished by the river.

“Hey,” Sebastian said gently.

She looked up.

“You hungry again?”

“Yeah. Can we go get the snacks?”

"Absolutely," Sebastian said with a small smile, getting up from his chair with a groan and wandering over to fluff her hair. "Get your shoes and we'll head off."

Elle hopped to her feet so fast she nearly tripped on the blanket, then darted into the bedroom to find her shoes.

Sebastian rubbed at the back of his neck, stretching out the stiffness from sitting too long.

Two client drafts were done, the kid was still alive and happy. He’d call that a successful day.

When Elle emerged, her sneakers were on the wrong feet. Sebastian crouched down and helped her switch them. “There we go. Ready to go?”

She grinned. “Yes!”

Lucky for Sebastian, his apartment was only one block away from the grocery store, which meant he only had to lug the bags home for a short distance.

He grabbed a cart from the front of the store and slipped Elle inside. He wouldn't push it faster (as much as he wanted to), which made Elle pout, but she perked right up when they hit the snack aisle.

Elle pointed at everything. Bright bags of chips, biscuits, gummies. “Can we get these ones? And these! Oh! And those ones too!”

“Elle,” Sebastian sighed, staring at the rapidly filling cart that didn't even have a single vegetable in it yet. "Pick two more snacks, then you can pick the fruit.”

"Aw… okay," Elle frowned.

She hummed loudly, clearly torn between four different kinds of sugar-filled junk but finally settled for gummy bears and chocolate chip cookies.

“Good choices,” Sebastian said, sliding them in with the rest.

From there, he steered them toward the boring-but-absolutely-necessary aisles.

Sebastian grabbed everything he thought was a staple. Pasta, rice, eggs, milk, chicken breasts, some vegetables, and bread. Surely he could make something with all of that without setting the entire complex on fire.

He was staring down a jar of pasta sauce, debating if he should just buy three of them and make life easier rather than cart her back next week for more, when Elle’s voice piped up behind him.

“Uncle Harry!”

Sebastian froze.

Welp. There's the answer. No surprise trip to Grampleton, no awkward letter.

Harry had subtle strawberry blonde hair and a neat beard. He was wearing a plaid shirt and jeans, and wore a black ring on his left hand. Harry looked put-together. Sebastian did not. Not with his torn jeans and unwashed hoodie. Hair that was way overdue for a trim and stubble that he hadn't bothered shaving in three days.

"Oh, hey, Elle," the man said, narrowing his eyes at Sebastian. "Who's this?"

"Sebastian," Elle said sweetly.

Harry's eyes narrowed even further. "So, are you like, the babysitter?"

"I, uh—" fuck, what to say?

"He's my dad!"

Alright, guess Elle's answering that one…

“Your dad?” Harry repeated slowly, eyes locked on Sebastian.

Elle nodded with total confidence like she hadn’t just dropped a bombshell in the middle of aisle seven.

Sebastian cleared his throat with a small cough. “Yeah. I’m—uh. I’m her dad.”

“Funny. Because last I checked, her dad wasn’t around.”

Sebastian swallowed. He’d expected awkward. He hadn’t expected hostility. “Look, I know this is a lot—”

“You think?” Harry snapped. “Where have you been all this time?”

Elle blinked between them and Sebastian's eyes darted towards her. She was getting upset.

“Hey, it’s okay. Why don’t you go pick out your favourite shape pasta? It's just down the end of this aisle," Sebastian suggested, scooping her out of the cart and placing her gently on the ground.

Elle hesitated, then nodded and scampered a few paces down the aisle so she was out of earshot, but still visible.

“Look, I didn’t know about her. I only found out she existed three days ago and—"

"How the fuck does a guy not know?"

Sebastian clenched his jaw, fighting the urge to snap back. “Because her mom never told me. I didn’t even know she was pregnant.”

Harry let out a disbelieving huff, folding his arms over his chest. “That’s convenient.”

“It’s the truth. Three days ago Elle was left with me. That's the first time I heard about her. I've had her ever since.”

“You expect me to believe she just dumped a kid on you out of nowhere?”

“She's your sister, isn't she?" Sebastian huffed, then took a deep breath. "Look, I don’t care if you believe me. I know what happened and all I care about now is making sure Elle’s okay. That’s it."

"And is she okay? How can you possibly be capable of looking after her with zero notice?"

"We're managing. She actually talks about you a lot and I was trying to find a way to get into contact with you to see if you knew anything about her mom."

"Emma? What do you want to know?" Harry said with a tired look in his eyes that Sebastian just knew was from being asked about his sister.

"Well, I guess the first thing I wanted to ask is if you know where she is."

"I don't. Emma and I… we don't talk."

"Why?"

The question came out before Sebastian could stop it.

"Bit rude to be asking that right off the bat, isn't it? But, since you're apparently Elle's dad and Emma trusts you enough to look after her, I suppose you should probably know."

Know? Know what?

"Emma fell down a bad path the last few years. Mom stopped supporting her financially when Elle was eighteen months. Told her to go back to bartending and earn some money so she could move out. But Emma hated working the bar. So she would leave Elle with our mom and tell her she was going to work but… she'd met some shady people. Ones that got her into all sorts of substances and other things for money. When mom found out, she kicked her out for good and told her not to come back until she was clean. Mom tried to keep Elle, but Emma was her mom, so, she got to keep her instead."

"Wow…"

"Yep," Harry nodded before continuing. "They reconciled a few times, Emma would come back and promise she was clean and bartending again but… then she'd relapse. She couch-surfed, sometimes she took Elle with her, sometimes she left her with mom. But then mom died unexpectedly and she had no one else to help. So, I guess that's why she left her with you."

"Why didn't she leave Elle with you instead?" Sebastian asked, because that made the most sense.

Harry shrugged, "I said we don't talk. Guess she saw me as a less favourable option than, you know, a complete stranger."

Sebastian blinked. “You’re her brother, though.”

"I know," Harry said, rubbing his jaw. “Emma doesn’t think straight when she’s in one of her spirals. There's no logic. It’s all short-term survival and running from whatever corner she’s backed herself into, moving onto the next mistake.”

God damn. Sebastian had so many questions he wanted to ask, mostly to Emma, but clearly she didn't want to be found. But Elle was skipping back up the aisle, proudly holding a box of bow-tie pasta in her arms.

“Look! They’re like butterflies!” she announced, thrusting the box out in their direction.

Sebastian forced a smile, taking the box from her and dropping it into the cart. “Perfect choice.”

Elle tugged on Harry’s sleeve and pointed in the cart. “Uncle Harry, did you see? Butterfly pasta!”

Harry crouched down to her level, and ruffled her hair. “I saw, chick. Good pick."

Elle’s grin widened, then she moved a few steps ahead again, distracted by the shaker cheese.

Sebastian lowered his voice so Elle wouldn't hear him. “Look, I don’t know what Emma was thinking, but Elle’s with me now and I can assure you, she's safe and loved.”

Harry studied him for a long moment, eyebrows furrowed. “You sound like you mean that.”

“I do.”

Harry sighed, relenting on the way he'd been glaring at Sebastian the entire time just a little. “Alright. I trust you.”

Sebastian finally breathed, relieved.

"If it's alright with you, I'd like to stay in contact. She talks really fondly of you and I think it would be nice for her to have some positive connection to her past. She's doing just fine but… everything I can offer her is new to her. I feel like something consistent would be really helpful."

Harry’s eyes flicked toward Elle, who was now comparing the green shaker cheese to the yellow one. He breathed in deeply, then he gave a small nod. “Yeah. She deserves to know she’s still got family that love her.”

Sebastian almost sagged with relief. “Thank you."

"Of course, and here," Harry said, pulling his phone out of his pocket and thrusting it in Sebastian's direction. "Put your number in. I'll let you know if I hear anything about Emma."

Sebastian tapped his number into Harry’s phone quickly, hit save, and handed it back.

Harry slipped the phone back into his pocket. “You live close by?”

“Yeah, just down the block.”

"An apartment? Is it big enough?"

Sebastian had to bury the urge to laugh in his face. Wasn't he the one getting chided for asking why Harry and his sister didn't talk anymore?

"For now. I'm considering upgrading once things settle down," Sebastian said, not eager to elaborate anymore on his living arrangements to a stranger.

"Right. Well, I will leave you to it then," Harry said before drawing his attention to Elle. "It was good to see you, chick. You tell him whenever you want to visit and I'm sure your… dad… will make it happen, yeah?"

Passive aggressive enough?

"Okay, Uncle Harry," Elle said as she skipped back to the cart and proudly climbed in again with Seb's help.

Sebastian gave Harry a polite nod, “Thanks. I’ll… let you know.”

Harry gave him one last menacing look, then softened when his eyes landed on Elle. “Take care of her," he directed at Sebastian, though he was still looking at his niece.

“I will,” Sebastian assured him, not that he owed Harry anything.

With that, Harry turned and walked off down the aisle, his footsteps fading around the corner.

Sebastian exhaled, his shoulders finally relaxing.

“Dad? Why was Uncle Harry mad at you?” Elle asked as he nudged them towards the registers to check out.

"He… he wasn’t mad at me. Just… surprised to see us together I think.”

That explanation seemed to satiate Elle enough for Sebastian to check out their items and try and work out how to wrangle them all the way home with Elle in tow.

Then Sebastian found himself on the street lugging four bags full of groceries with Elle on his shoulders, gripping onto his head for dear life.

"Can we make the butterfly pasta for dinner?" Elle asked, voice all muffled in his hair.

Sebastian adjusted the strap of one grocery bag digging into his forearm and attempted to hitch Elle higher on his shoulders somehow. “Yeah," he panted. "We can… have that…"

Elle cheered in his ear, almost knocking him off balance through sheer volume. “With both cheeses!”

"Yeah… with… both cheeses."

Chapter Text

"If I had a car, I would trade in my car."

Definitely need to start browsing the listings for bigger places… Sebastian told himself in the midst of building a flat pack single bed frame for Elle, whose farm on his game console was looking better than anything he'd ever produced when he played it.

Her crop of choice was strawberry, which inspired her to request strawberry themed bedding for her new sleeping arrangement. A quick internet search came up short, and Sebastian had to go grovelling to Penny, asking her where she'd got hers from.

He'd remembered he'd seen them when he was at her home with his mom once, fixing a fallen ceiling panel in the trailer. Robin took him along since he was taller and could reach the low ceiling without a ladder.

Penny didn’t make him beg too hard for the information. Once she stopped laughing at the mere visual of "that moody emo guy" shopping for strawberry sheets, she pulled out her phone and scrolled back through her orders.

“They’re from a little online boutique. Kind of pricey, but worth it. The fabric’s softer than the cheap ones you’d find at any old store," Penny explained.

Well, he certainly couldn't put a price on comfort for his little girl, now could he?

Sebastian took the link, because Elle had been bouncing on the couch chanting the damn fruits name over and over since he’d promised to get them. And honestly? If sheets with her favourite fruit on them kept her that excited about going to bed at night, he’d pay double the amount.

By the time the frame was upright and the slats were in place, Elle left her thriving strawberry empire on the TV to inspect his handiwork.

“It’s my bed?”

“Yep," Sebastian replied, wiping a bead of sweat from his brow. “All yours. Now we just have to wait for the mattress and the strawberry sheets.”

She gasped, eyes wide, “You got them!”

"I did."

Something in Sebastian's stomach felt all warm and fuzzy, but then he watched her climbing on the slats and the feeling faded.

The bed was squashed in the corner of his bedroom, tucked so close to his own that he could probably reach over in the middle of the night and pat her on the head without getting up if he had to.

Elle didn’t seem to care about the cramped space though. She was too busy treating the slats like a stage, stepping between them and beginning to twirl around.

"Get down before you break something," Sebastian sighed, reaching down to scoop her up and place her on the floor.

She landed with a soft thump on the carpet, then scrambled onto his bed and flopped against his pillow.

Sebastian sat on the edge of the new frame, rubbing the sore spot between his shoulder blades from leaning over for an hour, playing with screws and allen keys then let out a long breath. His apartment had always felt small, but with Elle there indefinitely with her tiny pile of shoes at the door, her crayon drawings stuck to the fridge, toys strewn about the tiny living room and now her bed wedged into the corner of his bedroom, it felt absolutely suffocating.

Definitely time to start browsing listings for bigger places, he thought again. Somewhere with two bedrooms Elle could have her own space and he could finally reclaim the simple luxury of shutting a door at the end of the day.

Elle deserved her own space.

The issue was his freelancing.

The only reason Sebastian got the current apartment was because Sam knew a guy from one of his gigs who was leaving town and wanted to sublet the place. It was cheap, he didn't have to pass checks and that worked in his favour.

Now with a kid in tow, he'd have to apply for places formally. And freelancing didn't look great.

So, when Elle was finally asleep in his bed after arguing for an hour that sleeping on the bare slats without a mattress was perfectly acceptable, he crept out to his desk and started to search.

Sebastian typed "two-bedroom" followed by "miracle landlord who doesn’t give a shit about steady income" into the search bar, but quickly deleted it. When he hit search for any two-bedders, even ones further away than he liked, he got nothing but bland, beige walls and carpet with price tags that made his chest hurt.

But he persisted, scrolling until his eyes were blurry, then leaned back in his chair, pinching the bridge of his nose with a sigh.

No matter how many tabs he opened, the math just wasn't mathing. What he made freelancing only just covered their lifestyle now, even without Sebastian buying everything Elle wanted out of guilt. With a real lease, a real deposit, and the expenses of a surprise child, it just wasn't going to work. Not if he wanted to spend any time with Elle at all. Sure, he could run himself into the ground taking on contract after contract like he did when money was a bit tight on a certain month, but that was impossible now. Elle would do no good with a zombie for a father.

So he needed to get a real job. The thought made his skin itch. He liked freelancing, the flexibility, the lack of boss breathing down his neck, the freedom, being the one in control.

But freedom was an odd concept now. Before Elle was thrust into his life, freedom meant late nights, sleep-ins, working until his brain burned out and then crashing for twelve hours if he wanted before ordering his fifth takeout for the week. Now freedom meant being able to take her to the park in the middle of the afternoon without asking anyone’s permission.

If he gave that up, if he chained himself to some office desk where he was watched like a hawk with deadlines he couldn't extend if he needed to, what would that cost them both?

Sebastian's head hurt too much. But the reality was, Sebastian needed the money more than he needed the freedom to be his own boss. Not to mention the fact a landlord was probably far more likely to accept someone with a payslip and a tidy employment history than a string of contracts from a bunch of clients who might or might not send the money on time.

Before he could spiral too much, his phone buzzed on the desk.

Sam

How he knew Sebastian was on the verge of a breakdown, Sebastian would never know. But he picked it up, finding a text.

Sam: hey i'll be in town for a gig tomorrow. can i come around for a bit before? miss you bb xoxo

Sebastian huffed out a laugh through his nose. There was a reason he and Sam never worked out. While he'd once hidden a rather embarrassing crush on Sam as a teenager, he’d quickly learned that being on the receiving end of that relentless charm was exhausting and not something Sebastian needed in his life. At least, not with a partner. But his best friend? That would do.

Sam didn’t just walk into a room. He filled it with noise, energy and endearment that was probably welcomed by other people. It was fine in small doses, for regular people. But Sebastian wasn't regular people.

After one drunken kiss during a game of seven minutes in heaven after the luau when they were seventeen, Sebastian didn't need to pretend his heart tripped over itself every time Sam called him babe, sweetie or some other pet name anymore. They wouldn't work, and Sebastian was happy with that.

Alex truly suited him. Matching energies, or whatever.

Sebastian shook his head softly and thumbed out a reply.

Sebastian: yeah, don't rile up elle though. i know what you're like.

Sam's reply came almost instantly.

Sam: me?? i’m an excellent influence on children. i’ll bring her a tambourine.

Sebastian frowned and typed back.

Sebastian: hate you

Sam: love you too darling

His phone landed on the desk with a thump and called it a night.

Sebastian had never considered himself a morning person. He still didn't, but now he didn't have the luxury of getting to choose whether he was or not.

The sound of Elle clamouring out of his bed at 7:05 a.m. woke him up with a start.

Sebastian groaned and threw an arm over his face. “Elle, please. Just five more minutes.”

“Nope,” she declared with authority.

He peeked out from under his arm at her. Her hair was sticking up all over the place, just like his did in the mornings, and her shirt was half-tucked into her pyjama shorts.

He sat up slowly, back aching, and squinted at the slats of her un-mattressed bed. He needed coffee. He needed so much fucking coffee.

“Fine. Breakfast first, then maybe the park,” he bargained, shoving his hair back against his forehead.

“Pancakes?” Elle gasped with a twinkle in her eye.

"Nope, cereal," came Sebastian's reply.

“Pancakes.”

"Cereal."

"Pancakes."

“Toast.”

She narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms. “You promised pancakes one day."

"Yeah, one day. Not today."

"Dad, please."

The word dad hit harder than any argument she could have.

It wasn’t the first time she’d said it since she found out Sebastian was the father she'd been missing her whole life. But every time she did, it cracked something open in his chest.

Elle must’ve seen him falter, because her stubborn little frown softened into a cheeky smile. “Pancakes,” she whispered again, sweetly, because she knew she'd won.

Sebastian dragged a hand down his face. “Elle...”

She giggled, bouncing on her toes up and down. “That means yes!”

“Fine,” he grumbled, feeling his knees crack beneath him as he pulled himself off the floor.

God, he couldn't wait to have his bed back…

One thing Sebastian had become adept at was realising things that came in boxes were very handy for cooking.

Could he whip up pancakes from scratch? Probably, though it wasn't worth the risk of failure with a starving child waiting to eat in front of him.

So he wandered to the kitchen and switched on his coffee machine before grabbing the boxed pancake mix from the cupboard, his saving grace.

“Chef Elle,” Sebastian announced, shaking it in her direction like she was a cat he was summoning for dinner, “you're up.”

Elle beamed and climbed up, perching herself on a stool.

Sebastian set the mix, a bowl, and the measuring cup down in front of her. “Okay. Rule one is no eating the powder. Rule two is no spilling the powder. And rule three is don’t…” He glanced at her already reaching for the box. “…don’t even think about opening it until I say."

"Why not?"

"Because last time you popped it and powder went everywhere."

"Oh yeah," Elle chuckled. "That was funny."

Funny was a strange way to put it.

Sebastian narrowed his eyes. “It took me three days to stop finding flour in the toaster.”

Elle shrugged, “But it looked like snow.”

"Snow that will cost me my security deposit…" he murmured.

But when he looked at her again, kicking her toes against the bench and waiting ever so patiently, he sighed and slid the box toward her. “Fine. Slowly and carefully or you'll be picking up the mix with your bare hands. Got it?”

“Got it,” Elle said brightly, grabbing the box cautiously.

Sebastian watched as her tongue poked out the corner of her mouth slowly as she worked.

His own mother had once mocked him for having the habit himself, noting that when he was fully absorbed in a task, she would watch his own tongue start to creep out the corner of his mouth, bit by bit.

And while Sebastian had never considered children, not that he had a choice now, he had never imagined that passing on things to your kids would include more than just your hair and eye colour.

In the short time he'd known his daughter, he'd seen more of him in her than he ever fathomed possible. The way her tongue poked out her mouth when she focused, the way her temper flared hot when things didn’t go her way, how stubborn she was to get things to go her way. Even how she sometimes muttered to herself while stacking her toys felt all too familiar.

Sebastian leaned a hip against the counter and folded his arms, just watching her pour the mix into the bowl without spilling a single drop.

To her credit, Elle did well. She listened carefully to Sebastian's instructions, managed to flip at least three of her own and managed to massacre some strawberries when Sebastian let her cut them with a butter knife.

Ah, packet mix. Foolproof.

Once their breakfast was demolished, tidied and they were both dressed for the day, Sebastian grabbed his laptop and shoved it in a bag, heading out to the park.

He'd recently learned that he had one around the corner from his apartment. Who knew he'd hit the location jackpot when he moved there? Park and grocery store all in walking distance.

The park was great for letting Elle burn off some energy while meeting new friends… and gave Sebastian a chance to finish a bit of work off.

Sebastian got settled on a bench that gave him a full view of the playground. Laptop balanced on his knees, coffee from the cafe nearby he'd snagged on the way on the other side of the seat, he opened up his emails, ready to send a client an update report.

He typed half a word before Elle’s voice called out.

“Dad! Watch this!”

Sebastian looked up just in time to see her scrambling up the ladder of the slide. She threw both hands in the air before plunging herself down the slide with a squeal.

He gave her a thumbs up. “Very impressive, Elle.”

She grinned, bolted off again, and was immediately swept up into a game of tag with two other kids.

When he was satisfied Elle was content, he dropped his gaze back to his laptop and started to type.

"Hi David,

Please see the attached—"

A shadow stretched over his screen.

“Fancy seeing you here, Sebby."

Another day with no work done then.

"You're early, Samson," Sebastian said with a sigh, slamming the laptop shut.

"Well, I hadn't planned on running into you at the park, now did I?"

Sam plopped down on the bench beside him with a grunt and slipped his sunglasses on top of his head.

“So you’re stalking me now? At a children's park of all places?” Sebastian asked flatly.

Sam gasped, pressing a hand to his chest. “Stalking? Please. I was coming to town anyway, figured I'd come in early and get some lunch before seeing you and lo and behold, there you are, little domestic daddy with his laptop and a latte at the park.”

“Don’t fucking call me that.”

“What? Daddy?” Sam grinned wickedly. “It suits you, though. I’m proud of you, Sebby.”

Before Sebastian could fire back, Elle spotted them. She froze mid-run and her face lit up like a Christmas tree. “Sam!”

Sam heard his name and turned, then threw his arms wide for Elle to run into.

She sped full-tilt across the bark chips, barreling straight into him and probably would have knocked him over if he wasn't sitting on a bench seat.

"How are you, kiddo? Been having fun with dad?"

"Mmhm!" Elle exclaimed, nodding wildly into Sam's chest. "Daddy let me play Spider-Man on the TV."

"Did he now?" Sam said with a raised eyebrow in Sebastian's direction.

Sebastian rolled his eyes and muttered, “It was one time, relax. I’m not letting her live off video games.”

Sam’s grin only widened. “Relax, Sebby. It's good. Teaches hand-eye coordination, reflexes, problem-solving—”

“And how to web-sling off the couch cushions,” Sebastian cut in dryly, eyeing Elle.

She laughed, then pulled away from Sam and sprinted back to the park, probably to dodge being questioned about her couch-jumping abilities.

Sam watched her go, his grin softening. “She’s something else, Seb.”

“Yeah. She is,” Sebastian replied thoughtfully.

“You’re doing good with her.”

“I’m… trying.”

Sam nudged his shoulder. “Hey, don’t sell yourself short. Look at her, she's so happy. And she clearly adores you.”

Sebastian sighed and looked out across the playground. Sam was right, Elle did seem happy. She smiled when she woke up in the mornings, she went to sleep at night mostly without a fuss, as long as Sebastian read her a minimum of three stories (they had quite a collection going. He started with zero and now had fifteen.) He supposed she was probably as happy as she could be given the circumstances.

“Guess I’m not completely screwing her up yet," Sebastian said with a shrug.

Sam smirked, leaning back on the bench. “Not yet, at least. But give it time. You’ve always been a slow burn.”

Sebastian elbowed him in the side with a grunt. “Fuck you.”

“Love you too, darling,” Sam sang, just as Elle came pelting back toward them.

She nearly tripped over her own feet in her rush, but managed to come to a halt in front of them.

“Daddy, guess what?” she burst out.

“What?”

“I made a new best friend! Her name’s Addie and she said we can be best friends because we both like strawberries!”

“You’ve known her for not even five minutes," Sebastian said with a skeptical narrow of his eyes.

“Yeah,” Elle agreed, “but that’s long enough.”

Sam shrugged. “Sounds legit to me. You were my best friend after like, thirty seconds."

That made Sebastian snort back a laugh. He certainly didn't share the same sentiments. Maybe he really was a slow burn…

“Sam, come push me on the swing! Daddy’s too slow," Elle said, directing her attention to Sam.

“Excuse you?” Sebastian scoffed. “I pushed you just fine yesterday.”

“It's. Too. Slow,” Elle repeated matter-of-factly, already trying to haul Sam up by the arm.

“Well, can’t argue with the boss," Sam grinned, letting Elle drag him off the bench and towards the swings, leaving Sebastian alone with his laptop and lukewarm coffee.

He opened the computer again, opting to try and work rather than panic about how high Sam was pushing his daughter. And the email was staring at him.

Fingers and neck freshly cracked, Sebastian continued where he left off.

"Hi David,

Please see the attached report detailing the progress made this week. Let me know if there are any changes you’d like before I send through the final version.

Regards,
Sebastian Evans."

He hit send, leaning back with a deep exhale. One task down, at least a dozen more to go.

The sound of Elle's shriek, that sounded awfully like she was terrified but also having the time of her life, dragged his attention from the screen. Sure enough, Sam had her soaring on the swing so high he was surprised she wasn't doing 360s around the top bar.

Sebastian’s stomach dropped. Too high. Way too fucking high.

“Sam!” he barked across the playground.

Sam glanced over his shoulder all innocently, “What?”

“She's only five! Lower!”

Elle shouted back before Sam could answer. “Higher!”

Sebastian was about to get up and march over there when a ding from his computer gained his attention.

An email in the corner had popped up. Sebastian assumed it was just a stock-standard reply to the one he'd just sent, but it wasn't.

Job Opening at Arcadia Games Studio.

His eyes narrowed. Probably spam.

But he threw caution to the wind anyway and opened it, finding an email from an old client.

"Hi Sebastian,

I'm sure you remember me from the Aether Project,"

He didn't.

"I've since moved to greener pastures, a small gaming studio called Arcadia Games Studio. We're a small, indie team working on our next title, and I immediately thought of you when a new role opened up for a full-stack programmer.

We’re looking for someone with your skillset in design and a great problem-solving ability and I believe you fit the bill. It’s a contract-to-permanent position, part-time to start, with the option of remote work.

If you’re interested, I’d love to set up a call this week.

Best,
Benjamin Reid
Studio Director
Arcadia Games Studio."

Okay, maybe he did remember Benji.

Sebastian reread the message twice, blinking at the words like they might disappear and truly present themselves as the spam he thought it was.

But he was wrong. Sebastian was being head-hunted.

And for a steady job. Not just freelance gigs, not just scraping by with the occasional contract, but a proper job at a studio. A gaming studio. Even if it was indie, even if it started as part-time… fuck, that was more stability than he’d had in years. Or, ever, really.

His knee bounced restlessly under the bench. Could he do it? The hours, the responsibility, all of that on top of being wholly responsible for Elle? Remote work helped, of course, but it still had deadlines and having a boss meant being online when he was needed, not when he wanted. Sebastian didn't have help, not in the city… but the stability…

"You look like you've seen a ghost."

He may as well have, the way Sam appearing next to him startled him.

He slammed the laptop shut and placed it beside him, trying desperately not to show Sam how hard he was struggling to catch his breath.

Sam eyed him, brow raised, arms folding across his chest as he sat. “Relax, dude. I won't judge your porn tabs.”

“Get fucked.”

“Seriously though,” Sam tilted his head. “You look rattled. What’s up?”

“Nothing.”

"Sebby," Sam hummed sweetly.

"No, seriously, get fucked."

"You know I won't until you talk to me."

Sebastian stared at the playground instead of him. Elle was climbing back up the slide ladder, bark chips stuck to her socks that he knew he'd be picking out one by one the next time he took the clothes down to the laundromat.

“I got an email,” he muttered finally.

“Oh?" Sam said, sitting up straight, interest piqued.

"It’s a job offer… kind of."

"Kind of?”

“It's a real job. Not freelancing. It's only part-time, but it's remote. An old client reached out looking for a full-stack programmer for their indie game development company. It's… secure and… the health insurance would be so handy. Elle's visit to Dr. Harvey cost me hundreds.”

“That’s huge, Seb. Sounds like a no-brainer."

“Yeah, it's huge. But it's also impossible.”

“What? Why? You just said all these great things about it.”

“Because—” Sebastian cut himself off, gesturing vaguely at Elle. “Because this. Deadlines and bosses and meetings... I can’t exactly shove her in front of a screen every time I’ve got a call. That's not fair.”

“You’ve been doing it solo this long, haven’t you?”

Sebastian scoffed. “Barely. It's only been just over a month.”

"Stop selling yourself short, for fucks sake. People do this shit all the time, work with their kids. It's what you have to do to keep her fed and a roof over her head. Besides, she'll be starting school in a few weeks, right?"

Right. Yeah. Sebastian had been pretty slack about that… probably because he didn't even know where to start with enrolling her when she was probably already enrolled somewhere else…

“I don’t know,” he said quietly. "I thought this was what I wanted to do but now it's there within my grasps and… I just don't know."

Sam nudged his knee with his own. “Just talk to them. See the hours. You don’t have to sign yourself away to it yet but at least let yourself think about it.”

“Yeah. Maybe.”

Sebastian shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his hoodie and picked at the lint inside while he let Sam's words bounce around his brain. He wasn’t wrong. He could just test the waters, see what it entailed…

But the thought of committing to anything else new had panic crawling up his throat again.

Elle came barrelling back over before he had to speak to Sam again, red-cheeked, sweaty and grinning from ear-to-ear.

“Dad! Addie said I can go to her house!"

"Yeah," Sebastian forced a laugh. "Okay."

"Now!"

Oh, hell no.

"Oh, Elle, I don't think we can right now," Sebastian said softly.

And there it was. The disappointment on her face. The smile dropped, her head dipped lower. Sebastian was waiting for the bottom lip to pop out and her eyes begin to well with tears.

"Why not?"

"Because!" Sam chimed in. "You gotta come see Uncle Sammy's concert!"

Sebastian narrowed his eyes at Sam. First of all for calling himself that, Elle's concept of who was family and who wasn't was already skewed, and second for just inviting his daughter to his damn gig without asking him first.

"Are we now?" Sebastian frowned.

Sam just grinned right back. “Of course you are. Best seats in the house!”

Elle’s face lit up instantly, her disappointment immediately forgotten. "Daddy, can we!?”

"Elle…"

"Please! Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!"

Suddenly, Sebastian found himself sitting at an tiny pub, squashed between two tall buildings with what they claimed was an outdoor beer garden.

Sam was sat on a barstool on a small makeshift stage with his acoustic guitar in hand.

That sight alone almost made Sebastian perk up despite the fact he was spending his Sunday surrounded by people and spending way too much money he didn't have on an overpriced meal of nuggets and chips for his daughter.

Sam used to have ambitions of being a rockstar. Travelling the world shredding guitar, hooking up with guys and girls alike, a different one every night in every city.

Now, he was playing toned down versions of the songs he used to jam to in front of large and small families out for a Sunday lunch.

Sebastian sipped his flat beer, certainly not his drink of choice especially when it lukewarm and watered down and decided it was definitely not worth the ten bucks and he should have forked out the extra $8 for a bourbon, and tried not to scowl too hard.

At least Elle was enjoying herself. She had her little tray of nuggets and fries in front of her, a lemonade almost bigger than her head, and her eyes were glued to the stage as she bobbed her head along to the music.

When the song finished, Sam spotted her in the crowd and gave a little wave in her direction before leaning into the mic. “This one’s for my best girl, Ellie-bellie.”

The crowd chuckled and drew their eyes in Elle and Sebastian's direction, which had him wishing he could just crawl under the table and hide.

“Unbelievable,” he muttered.

But the song started and he instantly recognised it.

One they'd written when they were probably about sixteen-years-old and Sam had hopes of a band with Seb as his keyboardist.

From what Sebastian remember, it had been left as nothing more than a messy riff and a bunch of words scribbled down on graph paper in Sam’s bedroom.

Hearing it now, it was clear Sam had finished and polished it, slowed it down and with Sam's cheery lilt spewing it into the microphone, Sebastian felt something in his heart clench. The damn thing still had teeth, even years later.

Sam nailed it and when he finished, he turned the sheet paper over in front of him, leaning into the mic.

"I'd like to thank my best friend, Seb, for that one. He gave it the bones," Sam said, tapping the paper for emphasis. "Now I just take the credit for it."

He got a gentle laugh from the crowd and then introduced the next song, seamlessly flowing into it.

That heart-clenching feeling didn't leave, even through Sam's whole set. It was now abundantly clear to Sebastian that Sam had made something of himself, even if it wasn't what his dreams were all those years ago. Sam's goalposts had shifted, and he met them with ease. He might not have been shredding across world stages, but he had a steady gig and the confidence to stand in front of strangers and pour himself into a microphone without any second-guessing, and he seemed to be enjoying it.

Sebastian couldn’t help comparing it to himself, sitting hunched over in the corner, grumbling at the price of beer, trying not to think too hard about the email still sitting in his inbox and avoiding the change he inevitably needed.

Sam wasn't Seb, and Seb wasn't Sam, they functioned in completely different ways. Sam thrived in the spotlight, fed off the energy of people cheering, the rhythm of a crowd. Sebastian preferred the opposite. He liked to hide, be invisible and not draw attention to himself.

And yet, here he was, sitting in a pub, realising that the same world that allowed Sam to shine also held a space for him if he could just find the courage to step into it.

Fuck it.

Sebastian pulled out his phone and went right to his emails.

"Hey Benji,

Thanks for keeping me in mind. I'd love to set up a call…"

Chapter Text

"Yeah, it's overwhelming, but what else can we do?"

"Okay, what do you want to wear on your first day?" Sebastian asked, staring at the drawers stuffed full of clothes.

Elle hummed, looking at the clothes with about as much of a clue as Sebastian had.

“Something nice,” Elle decided after a long pause, which really wasn’t helpful in the slightest.

Sebastian pulled open a drawer and sifted through a tangle of shirts then held up a glittery unicorn shirt. “This?”

Elle tilted her head in thought. “Hmm. Yes."

"Great, perfect. Now, shorts or pants?"

"Shorts."

Sebastian dug around until he found a pair of denim shorts that weren’t too wrinkled. “These work?”

Elle leaned over, squinting at them because apparently she was some expert in clothing now. “Yes. But with the pink socks with frills.”

He blinked. “Frills? You own frilly socks?”

"Yes, dad. You got them for me," Elle giggled. "They're in that drawer. I’ll get them.”

She moved to the second drawer and rummaged through it, pulling out the exact pair and tossing them on top of the pile of clothes that had started accumulating on her bed.

Sebastian just shook his head in disbelief.

He left her to it, heading out into the kitchen to pack up the rest of her bag, running through the list of what he had to do in his head.

Embarrassingly, Sebastian had called his mom like a scolded dog with its' tail between its' legs two weeks before Elle was due to start school. He had been pretty slack at staying in contact with Robin, but it wasn't like she made much of an effort either.

Maybe Robin was still angry at him and processing the fact he had a surprise kid, maybe she just didn't care about Elle, either way, she seemed shocked when he'd called.

But Sebastian knew nothing about getting a kid ready for school.

He could still hear the surprise in her voice when she’d picked up.

"Oh? My son? He's alive!" she’d said with a sharp bite of sarcasm.

He’d almost hung up with a huff, but the thought of Elle showing up to school without half the things she needed had kept him on the line. “I know, mom. I just wasn't sure if you wanted to hear from me but… I need your help.”

"Of course you do. What with?"

There it was again. That passive aggressiveness…

"I've enrolled Elle in school but… I don't know exactly what she needs. Obviously she needs like, a lunchbox and a backpack… but I'm missing things, right?"

Robin let out a laugh. “Sebastian, she’s five, not partaking on some grand, cross-country venture. But yes, you’re missing things.”

“I figured.”

“You’ll need spare clothes in case of accidents. A water bottle. She'll probably need lots of snacks. Label everything. If her name isn’t on it, it’ll vanish.”

Sebastian scrambled to grab a pen and started scrawling a list on the back of a receipt. “Yep. Got it.”

“And tissues, in case of tears or a snotty nose,” Robin added. “Spare hair ties. I know her hair isn't that long, but just in case. And don’t forget a hat. No hat, no play. You remember that rule, right?”

He did—barely. He figured he'd blocked that part out of his own childhood since he flat-out refused to both play and wear hats.

"A hat… yep."

There was a long pause. “You sound nervous,” she said finally.

“I am nervous,” he admitted. “I’m trying to do this right, mom."

He heard the sound of Robin sighing softly, "You are, sweetie. The fact you had the guts to ring me and ask what she needs when you've been ignoring me for months means you're doing right by her."

"I haven't been ignoring you! You've been ignoring me!"

Robin snorted a laugh, "Sebby, don't be daft. I found out from Jodi that you got a new job. Jodi!"

"I didn't think you'd want to hear from me. I know I disappointed you."

Robin was quiet for a moment, so long it made Sebastian’s stomach twist. Then she finally spoke with a softer tone than he'd heard in months. “Sebastian, you didn’t disappoint me. It was a shock, definitely. And at the time, not a pleasant one… but I’ll never be disappointed that you’re stepping up and taking care of your daughter, even if I was skeptical at first.”

He didn’t know how to answer that, so he just swallowed thickly and traced circles into the receipt with his pen.

“Anyway,” she continued quickly to avoid being all sentimental, “make sure you get shoes that fit. And if she’s nervous, don’t linger too long at drop-off. A quick hug, a smile, and then go, even if there's tears. Otherwise, you’ll make it worse for both of you.”

"So, if she's upset, I can't stay? That doesn't make any sense."

“Don’t overthink it, Sebby,” Robin said. “The teachers know it’s her first day. They’ll look out for her.”

"Okay. Thanks, mom."

With pleasantries exchanged and a promise he'd stay in contact more, Sebastian set about doing everything his mom had said.

And that left him where he currently was, standing in the kitchen looking over her lunchbox for the one hundredth time since he'd packed it.

Did she have enough fruit? Did he cut it up enough? Was there enough cheese on her sandwich? Did she still like those biscuits? How many spare pairs of underwear were too many?

"I'm ready, dad!"

Sebastian turned around and there Elle stood, shoes on the wrong feet and backpack strewn over her shoulder, messy hair caught in the straps.

“Perfect,” Sebastian said with a chuckle, walking forward and pulling strands of hair out from under her bag.

Elle beamed, “Do I look school-y?”

“Yep, you look like you’re about to graduate Harvard,” Sebastian said, which earned him a blank look.

“What’s a Harvard?”

“Never mind,” he chuckled, picking up her lunchbox and sliding it into her bag. "Let's pull your hair out of your face and swap your shoes over, yeah?"

Elle groaned but obediently plopped herself down onto the couch. “My shoes are fine,” she argued, swinging her legs to avoid having her shoes taken off while he crouched to untie them.

“They’re not fine and your toes will thank me by the end of the day," Sebastian said, tongue sliding out the corner of his mouth while he caught each foot and focused on doing double knots to prevent the laces coming undone. "Alright, now, hair."

Elle sighed deeply. “Do I have to?”

“Yes.”

With stomping feet, she followed Sebastian into the bathroom and let him run a brush through the tangled locks. Clumsily, he pulled it all back, out of her face (as much as he could given the fact her hair only just touched her shoulders) and secured it with a hair band. But it was so loose it immediately sagged sideways.

“It feels wobbly,” she complained, poking at the pony.

“Huh…” Sebastian hummed, tilting his head. “Nah, that’s not wobbly. That’s what we call… art."

Elle narrowed her eyes at him in the mirror. “It’s falling down.”

“It’s abstract.”

“What’s that mean?”

“It means ‘dad can’t do hair.’”

She giggled and jabbed the elastic again, watching the whole ponytail sag another inch.

With a sigh, Sebastian tugged the elastic free and tried again, gathering her short strands into the neatest bunch he could manage. It still wasn’t great, slightly lopsided and tiny shorter strands were falling out around her face, but at least it stayed in place due to the extra loop he put in the hair tie.

“There. Better?" he asked.

“Better,” she nodded. Then she tugged her backpack onto her shoulders again and marched right to the front door.

Elle skipped most of the way to school, swinging Sebastian's hand as they went, only asking if they were there yet four times. Sebastian expected more, honestly.

When they did arrive, Sebastian was taken aback by how busy it was. He was merely a small country boy himself, schooling in the suburbs at Grampleton as a child was scary enough. School in a major city though? Oh, boy.

The courtyard outside the gates was buzzing. There were parents chatting in tight little groups, kids clinging to their legs or darting off into clearly pre-organised groups. There were what Sebastian assumed were teachers with clipboards and welcoming smiles trying to herd the correct children to the correct classrooms. It was fucking chaos.

“There’s so many kids,” Elle whispered, and Sebastian looked down, watching her eyes go wide as she took it all in.

“Yeah,” Sebastian said, throat dry. “A lot.”

He hadn’t realised just how much noise a gaggle of five-year-olds could make at once.

Elle pressed closer to his leg, seemingly shy, which was unusual for her. “Do I have to go?” she whispered into his knee.

Sebastian clicked his tongue and crouched down so he could meet her eyes, resting his hands on her shoulders. “Yeah, Elle. You’ve gotta go. But you’ll be okay, I promise. You’ll make friends faster than I can, that’s for sure.”

She frowned. “But what if nobody wants to play with me?”

“They will, baby” Sebastian said firmly, though part of him wanted to scoop her up and march right back home and plop her on the couch and watch movies with her all day because he could homeschool her if he really wanted to, right?

“And if they don’t," he continued, "you just tell them your dad’s really good with computers and can hack their tablets.”

That earned him a small laugh. Success.

A tall woman with kind eyes and a sunhat must have noticed Elle, because she came over and crouched down next to Sebastian at Elle’s level. “Hello! What's your name, sweetheart?"

"Elodie," Elle answered quietly.

"Ah! Elodie Evans? I've been waiting for you! You're in my class this year. I'm Mrs Carter.”

Elle looked at Sebastian for reassurance and he offered her a smile, hoping she'd understand that it was all going to be okay.

"Would you like to come see your classroom?” Mrs Carter asked, holding out her hand for Elle to take.

Elle hesitated, then glanced at Sebastian again, but this time her lip wobbled.

“Dad?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re not gonna forget to come back for me, right?”

Ah, fucking hell.

Sebastian hadn't cried in front of Elle yet. If he ever had tears to shed, he left them until she was asleep. But, fuck, she was really testing his resolve now.

"Never, baby. I will always come back for you, yes?"

Elle nodded, then sniffed.

"You'll be okay. You have your tissues in your bag if you need them and…" he glanced down at his wrist, looking at the ragged, old, black knitted bracelet Sam got him from the luau a few years ago. "Here, you can wear my special bracelet."

Sebastian tugged the bracelet loose and carefully slipped it over her tiny wrist.

"Sam gave it to me years ago. It means good luck. If you ever get nervous or sad today, just look at that bracelet and remember I’ll be waiting for you.”

Elle turned her wrist this way and that, admiring the way it slid up and down her arm, clearly too big.

She sniffled once more, then slowly reached for Mrs Carter’s. “Okay. I’m ready.”

Sebastian leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the top of her head, trying not to notice how small she felt in his arms. “You’ve got this, Elle."

She let go, took two steps with Mrs Carter, then spun back around. “You promise you’ll be here?”

“Promise. I’ll be standing right here waiting for you," Sebastian said, pointing at the concrete beneath his feet.

Elle gave a nod, waved and clutched his bracelet tightly before letting herself be led through the school grounds until she was out of sight.

Sebastian stood in place for what felt like hours, fighting back the instincts screaming at him to chase her down and take her home, but his mother's words kept echoing in his mind.

A quick hug, a smile, and then go.

So he shoved his hands in his pockets, turned on his heels, and walked away, his eyes stinging.

Especially when he had to be back home to clock in for his new job at 9:30 a.m. Maybe having a boss and expectations was going to be a good distraction, after all…

Chapter Text

"Don't forget me or who you are."

Six was a big age to be turning. At least, that's what Elle told Sebastian. Bigger than five, not as big as seven. Six was important.

Sebastian supposed he understood that logic. Elle had been through a lot of changes in the past year. Gaining a dad, moving houses, starting school…. six was a very big age.

A very big birthday deserved the best celebrations, right?

Sebastian wasn’t entirely sure what that meant. For Elle, it could’ve been anything from balloons to an ice cream sundae at ten in the morning. For him, it meant spending money and trying to buy gifts for someone he'd only known for a short period of time.

He was sure he had enough of an idea of what Elle liked to at least make it somewhat enjoyable.

Step 1 was acquire some gifts. Funds were not plentiful by any means. Any savings he had from pre-surprise-child went on getting Elle everything she needed when she first arrived. The bed, clothes, medical bills.

Step 2 was take her for a weekend trip. Again, his funds were not flowing freely but accommodation in Pelican Town was free.

Step 3 was cake. Elle had made herself known as a bit of a sweet tooth, asking for a chocolate or three every time they went grocery shopping. Sebastian figured he could handle that one. Even if the frosting ended up lopsided, as long as it was pink and tasted good, he'd pass the test, that he knew for sure.

It was Steps 1 and 2 that kept him up the night before, lying on the couch with Elle’s faint snores drifting from their bedroom because he was putting so much pressure on himself to make “six” feel as important as she said it was.

He didn’t have much to go on. Elle liked drawing, glittery things and comics. And unicorns. He couldn't forget the unicorns.

In the end, he decided not to overcomplicate it. A new sketchpad and coloured pencils, a Wonder Woman comic he knew she didn't have yet and that ridiculously oversized stuffed unicorn she’d been eyeing for weeks every time they walked past. It was fluffy and sparkly in all the ways that made his adult brain cringe, but he knew Elle would squeeze it and sleep with it and treasure it forever.

As for the trip, Pelican Town wasn’t exactly what Sebastian would call fun.

He'd gone back with Elle three times since she came into his care, not spending more than a night there to satiate his mother's desire for family dinner once a month. He figured everyone in the town knew he had a daughter by now because small towns spread news faster than the internet ever could, and the sight of him showing up with a random six-year-old in tow every time had only fueled the rumours.

Not that Elle minded the attention. She liked it there. She loved the beach, the chickens at Marnie’s, and the way Gus always snuck her an extra dessert when Sebastian treated her to lunch there.

Sebastian didn’t share her enthusiasm, though. Pelican Town was still that awful place where he grew up, bullied by Alex, hating his step-father, feeling ousted by his step-father. Sure, things were better now, but Sebastian never forgave easily.

Pelican Town definitely wasn't the first place he wanted to take Elle for a birthday celebration. Hell, he'd have preferred the nearby Ginger Island despite his disdain for the beach. But when “free” was involved in the decision making, he didn’t get much choice.

Maybe it didn’t matter, because when he was woken up by Elle bouncing next to his head the next morning declaring her excitement and what they were doing for her birthday, all his doubts dissipated.

"Daddy! Wake up! It's my birthday! I'm six!" she squealed, bouncing the bed next to his ribs.

"Mmmf," Sebastian mumbled in response, grabbing a pillow and dragging it over his head. "No. You're not six. You were five yesterday."

“But I grew in the night!” Elle announced proudly, tugging the pillow away from his face and tossing it to the floor. “I’m taller already. See?”

She climbed off the bed and stood on the tips of her toes, reaching her hands up high above her head.

“Wow,” Sebastian muttered, sitting up and rubbing sleep from his eyes. "You are taller. But that's cheating, putting your hands up."

Elle huffed, dropping her arms by her side. “Fine. But I’m still six. That means I get cake for breakfast.”

Sebastian raised an eyebrow. “Erm? Who said anything about cake for breakfast?”

“You did,” she said matter-of-factly, climbing back onto the bed and crossing her arms and legs, closing her eyes for dramatic effect. “Yesterday. I asked if I could have cake for breakfast and you said maybe. Maybe means yes.”

He let out a soft laugh because apparently he really had to watch what came out of his mouth around her, or be super literal. Elle remembered everything.

“Alright, we'll compromise. How about a muffin from the cafe on the way to school? That's like a breakfast cake."

"Aww," Elle whined. "School?"

"Yes, school. But I do have a surprise for you."

Elle's eyes widened, "Really? What's that?"

"I'm picking you up early."

She gasped and clapped her hands. “Early? How early?”

“After lunch,” Sebastian said, trying not to grin at her reaction because he'd clearly done well. “We’ve got somewhere to go this afternoon.”

"Where!?"

Sebastian shook his head with a smirk. “Nuh-uh. I'm not telling. It’s a surprise.”

Her mouth fell open with a scoff. “That’s not fair! It’s my birthday. I should know the surprise!"

“That’s not how surprises work,” he countered. “You’ll just have to wait and see.”

Elle groaned dramatically. “Ughhh, you’re the meanest dad ever.”

"Huh… okay, since I am sooooo mean, I guess I'll just take those birthday presents that are in the lounge room back to the store then…"

"What!?" Elle screamed. "No!"

Sebastian tried to keep a straight face, standing up and stretching like it was no big deal. “Yep. I suppose I'm too mean to give birthday presents. I’ll just return them. Maybe I’ll keep the unicorn for myself—”

“Unicorn!?” Elle shrieked, nearly tripping over the blanket as she scrambled off the bed. “You got it!?"

"Yes, but I'm going to take it back, because—"

Before he could finish the sentence, Elle was nudging him out of the way, running full-speed into the lounge room.

Her eyes lit up when she saw what Sebastian had done. A few messily-wrapped presents with a large, pink and fluffy unicorn on top of them, a stack of balloons, all pink and purple obviously, with a large number six in the middle.

Elle let out a sound that was a scream crossed with a laugh and threw herself at the unicorn, wrapping her arms around its neck, practically strangling the damn thing. “She’s mine! She’s really mine!”

Nailed it, Seb

By the time Elle had finished unwrapping all of her presents, all of them earning a loud gasp and words of approval, they were almost late to school. But Sebastian had promised her a muffin, and he delivered. Even if Elle was still eating it as she crossed through the school gates.

When the afternoon came around and Sebastian checked her out of school early for the surprise he promised, she peppered him with what felt like hundreds of guesses on the way.

"We're getting ice cream?"

"No."

"You're taking me to the circus?"

"Kind of, but no."

"The factory where they make the unicorns?"

"The wha—? No, not that's not it."

"Then where?" Elle whined.

Sebastian didn't answer her as they arrived at the bus stop, but the child-genius worked it out herself when the bus arrived, the destination scrawled across the top of it.

"Oh! We're going to Pelican Town!"

"Yep, two whole nights this time."

Elle gasped loudly. “Two nights!? That's a million hours!” she squealed.

“It’s forty-eight hours, actually.”

“Forty-eight is almost a million…” she insisted before darting down the aisle to claim the empty seats at the back of the bus.

Sebastian slid in beside her, listening to her chatter about all the things they had to do in Pelican Town. Visit the beach despite the weather getting cooler was first on her list. Then she wanted to visit Sam so she could play his guitar. Aunt Maru had told her she might have finished her robot by the time Elle went back, so of course she had to check that out. And then—

"Okay, one thing at a time. First, we gotta see Robin," Sebastian explained.

It felt weird calling his own mom that. She was Elle's grandmother, after all. But Robin had made zero inklings or hints at what she'd preferred to be called. Elle called Demetrius by his name, so it made sense she'd just call Robin the same thing.

When they finally arrived in town a few hours later, making the long walk from the bus stop to the mountains (Sebastian was so selling his bike for a car when he got home), not-Grandma-Robin was out the front, pulling weeds from the garden, though this time it looked intentional and not like she was snooping.

"Oh, Sebby," she said, startled, getting up off the floor with a groan and ripping off her gardening gloves. "You should have called, we would have picked you up."

“It’s fine, I need the exercise anyway,” Sebastian dismissed her, trying desperately hard not to huff and puff.

Meanwhile, Elle had already sprinted in Robin's direction, coming to a skidding halt right in front of her. “Robin! I’m six now!” she yelled.

“Six?" Robin gasped, hand to her chest. "Really? You’re growing too fast.” She leaned back and gave Elle a once-over, up and down look. “I can see it. You're definitely taller.”

Elle beamed, then turned back to look at Sebastian and poked out her tongue as if to say I told you so.

“Uh-huh,” Sebastian muttered, rolling his eyes.

He wandered inside, Elle following and took their bags downstairs.

As was usual for when they visited home, Elle placed her things down on Sebastian's old bed while Sebastian set himself up on the couch.

"Okay, Robin's making dinner tonight and we'll have some cake, then tomorrow is when the fun really begins," Sebastian explained, unpacking the bag of their toiletries to put in the bathroom.

"What's Robin making for dinner?"

"Spaghetti. She makes a really nice sauce. Not from a jar, like we do at home."

Elle’s face lit up. “Real sauce?”

Sebastian laughed, because instead of defending their perfectly acceptable and very much edible pasta, she went straight to happy disbelief. "Real sauce," he confirmed.

“Wow,” Elle whispered.

When they went back upstairs, Maru killed some time with Elle while dinner was being prepared by dragging her into the lounge with a stack of books.

"What are those?" Elle asked skeptically.

"Well, I'm glad you asked, dear Elle," Maru said, failing miserably at hiding the wicked cackle in her tone. "These are book of your dad's childhood."

"Maru! Really!?" Sebastian protested from the kitchen where he was helping make garlic bread to earn his keep for the weekend.

Maru grinned, pulling one from the top of the pile that had "SEBASTIAN" across the front of it in big letters. “Oh, yes, come look at these haircuts, Elle. You won’t believe your eyes.”

Sebastian groaned. “They weren't that bad.”

Robin snorted from the stove. “Sorry, Sebby. Pretty sure I gave you a bowl cut for a few years there.”

“Show me! Show me!” Elle practically lunged at Maru, who happily accepted Elle in her lap and flipped the book open.

The first page was pretty normal. Baby Sebastian in a high chair, messy face smeared with food. Baby Sebastian in the bathtub.

"Who is that?" Elle asked, pointing to a man who was holding said baby in their arms over the tub.

"Oh," Maru said, eyes looking towards the kitchen, praying Sebastian would take over the task of explaining that to his kid.

Thankfully, he heard the question, because he abandoned the garlic bread and wandered over, taking the book and Elle off Maru.

"That's my dad," Sebastian said plainly. hoping to avoid any follow ups.

But Sebastian was getting a pretty good grasp on what Elle was like. He knew it wasn't going to be that simple.

"Demitrees isn't your dad?"

"No," Sebastian chuckled. "Demetrius isn't my dad."

Elle blinked and tilted her head, peering back at the photo. “But… Demitrees lives with Robin. Doesn’t that mean he has to be your dad?”

“Not exactly. He’s Maru’s dad. He married Robin after I was already born, so he's my stepdad.”

Elle’s little brow furrowed. “So… you had a different dad before Demitrees?”

Sebastian hesitated. His instinct was to dodge it, but Elle was six now. She wasn’t going to stop asking questions just because he brushed her off. Besides, he had dealt with a similar situation to her before. Not as brutal, but… similar.

“Yeah,” Sebastian said slowly. “We lived with him when I was little. But then he moved away.”

“Why?”

Sebastian sighed. He hadn’t prepared for that kind of conversation, in fact he was hoping it would never come up at all. But he supposed eventually Elle would want to know why Maru, his sister, looked nothing like him.

“Sometimes,” he said carefully, “grown-ups decide they don’t want to live together anymore. My dad wanted to live somewhere else, so I stayed with Robin.”

Elle’s lips pursed, "Like mommy."

"Yeah. Like your mommy."

“Did you ever see him again?” Elle asked, eyes still fixed on the man in the photo.

“Not really. I saw him at Christmas time for a few years but… he wasn’t around much after that.”

"Will I see my mommy at Christmas?"

He set the photo album aside and shifted her so she was sitting in front of him and not in his lap. “I don’t know, Elle. I can’t promise that. Sometimes grown-ups… they just don't show up the way we hope they will.”

Her little nose scrunched, not in a sad way, but thoughtful, like she was trying to understand something way beyond her six years of life.

“Did it make you sad?” she asked after a moment of thought. “When your dad didn’t come?”

Sebastian swallowed hard, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah. It did. I wanted him to be there. But I had Robin, and Maru, and Sam later on. And…” he looked down at her, brushing a strand of dark hair back from her cheek, “now I have you."

Elle’s face softened. She blinked up at him, then shifted forward into his lap and wrapped her small arms around his neck. “Now you're not lonely anymore."

Sebastian let out a laugh that him living alone before her was what she picked up on, and hugged her back. “Yeah,” he murmured. “I’m not lonely anymore.”

“If Mommy doesn’t come at Christmas, we can still have Christmas."

Sebastian wasn't sure if she posed it as a statement or a question, but he was inclined to think she was telling him, hoping for confirmation that it was happening.

"Yep, we'll have Christmas. I'll make it great," he reassured her. "Definitely not like this."

He pointed back to the book at a photo of himself crying on Santa's lap.

Elle gasped so loudly it made Maru snort. “You're screaming!"

“I was three, Elle. Santa was terrifying.”

“Nooo,” Elle insisted. “Santa’s nice. Why were you scared?”

"He must have known he was on the naughty list that year," Maru quipped, and that abruptly put an end to the photo book session.

Maru did promise that she'd show Elle the rest while Sebastian wasn't around, though.

The dinner was as smooth as it could be, everyone being amicable enough until finally, Elle got her cake.

She nearly bounced out of her chair when Robin brought it out. A simple chocolate cake with pink frosting, strawberries around the perimeter and six candles stuck across the top.

Elle clasped her hands together under her chin while Sebastian lit the candles, beamed while they sang, then blew them all out in one go. Then, after smashing three pieces, Sebastian managed to get her clean and showered and asleep in bed before deciding to head back upstairs to help his mom clean up.

"She asleep?" Robin asked without looking up when she heard his footsteps.

"Yeah. Rough one tonight but she's full of sugar and she didn't want to go to sleep until her birthday was officially over. Didn't last long."

Robin chuckled softly, rinsing the cake knife under the tap. “Sounds about right."

There was a pause while Sebastian took a dishrag and began drying plates until Robin finally spoke, “You did really well with her today.”

Sebastian raised a brow. “What do you mean? The cake? I just ordered it from Gus'.”

"No, not the cake. The photo album. The questions about your dad."

"Oh." Sebastian set the plate down carefully and lifted his shoulders in a half-shrug. “I just… answered her. She was gonna keep asking anyway.”

Robin turned off the tap and leaned against the counter, drying her hands. “It was the right thing to do but… do you think giving her false hope about her mom returning was a good idea? I just worry that—"

"Mom, I get it. You're worried. But what if she does come back? I can't just deny her from seeing her own mother."

Robin scoffed, "Yes, you certainly can. And you should. She abandoned her, Sebastian!"

Sebastian shook his head, "Where did this come from? First, you didn't think I could handle it. You told me I should hand her off to the system and now—what? You want me to hide her, keep her away from her other family?"

"People who abandon their children don't get the right to just walk back in whenever they want. You shouldn't let her, I didn't—"

Robin cut herself off abruptly and took her lip between her teeth, stopping it from wobbling. Sebastian could tell she was on the verge of tears and then he knew. He immediately fucking knew.

"Mom… tell me you're fucking joking."

Robin didn’t answer. She just bit down harder on her lip and stared at the floor.

“You didn’t what?” Sebastian pushed again.

“Sebby—”

“Don’t,” he snapped. “Don’t ‘Sebby’ me. You didn’t let him see me, did you?”

Robin sucked back a sob before managing to choke out some excuse. “It wasn’t that simple.”

“Bullshit! You told me he didn’t want to be around. That he moved away. You made me believe that he—” his voice faltered and cracked, “That he didn’t want me.”

Robin picked up a clean dishtowel and pressed it to her face for a moment. When she lowered it, her eyes were glassy. “He left me, Sebastian. He broke my heart. And yours. Every single promise, every plan we had, gone. And then he came back, saying he wanted to ‘visit,’ to ‘try' with you. But I wasn’t going to let him walk in and out of your life whenever it suited him. You deserved better than that.”

Sebastian stared at her, “And you decided that for me, did you?”

“I protected you.”

“You lied to me.”

“I did what I thought was best for you.”

“No,” Sebastian shot back. “You did what you thought was best for you. You didn’t want to deal with it, so you cut him out and let me grow up thinking I wasn’t wanted.”

Robin shook her head quickly, desperately. “That’s not true—”

“It is!” Sebastian slammed the dish towel onto the counter. “You don’t fucking get it! Every birthday, every Christmas, I was wondering what was so wrong with me that he didn’t care enough to show up. You let me believe that for years.”

Robin finally caved and the tears began to stream down her cheeks. “I was trying to keep you from the pain. He crushed me, Sebastian. Devastated me. For years. Do you understand that? I didn’t want him to do the same to you.”

"God, I spent half my life thinking my own dad didn’t give a shit about me. Do you know what that does to a kid? There's a reason I moved away. There's a reason I isolate myself and it was because of him. I am so, so fucked up. He left, you moved on and had your 'redo' child with the man who stayed, who loved his kid."

“Sebastian, that’s not fair—”

“It’s true! You and Demetrius and Maru. You built your perfect little family while I was shafted downstairs in the basement, trying to pretend I didn’t care that nobody wanted me."

“You’re my son. You were never unwanted—”

“But I felt unwanted,” Sebastian hissed. “Every single fucking day. God, I thought I hated him but… maybe I’ve been hating the wrong person this whole time.”

"Sebastian…" Robin pleaded, the stream of tears beyond hiding. "Please don't—"

"I need air."

Then, he left. He wandered outside, careful not to slam the door behind him and wake Elle, if the argument hadn't already.

His feet naturally carried him over to the lake where he used to go when he felt burned out, cornered or ready to explode. Only this time he couldn't light a chain of cigarettes and let the burn of his lungs distract him from the pain in his heart or mind.

All those years. The birthdays where he sat by the front window, waiting, hoping the postman would bring a gift, a card, anything. Every Christmas morning, staring at the front door, just in case he decided to walk in.

He’d convinced himself it was his fault that he wasn’t good enough, that he wasn’t lovable enough, that his dad didn’t want anything to do with him. And Robin had chosen to let him believe that.

Sebastian dragged a hand through his hair and muttered an echo-y '"fuck" into the air.

He wanted to be furious, and he was, but beneath that was grief. Grief for the childhood he never got to experience. Grief for the man he could have become if he hadn't beaten himself down with self-hatred and insecurity. Grief for how different his life might have become if he hadn't thought himself unlovable.

And now Elle. Poor Elle that he was going to disappoint no matter what.

Sebastian stayed by the lake until the night air froze his cheeks and his fingers went numb.

He didn’t want to go back inside yet, but if he waited any longer, he feared he may not be able to walk back at all.

The house was quiet when he slipped back through the door. Good. Robin had gone to bed rather than wait up for him.

He padded down the stairs and into his old room where Elle was still sleeping peacefully. She was curled on her side, blankets tucked under her chin with her thumb resting near her mouth. He moved closer and crouched down by the bed, hovering his hand over her hair then finally combing through the dark strands as gently as he could.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” he whispered, his voice breaking slightly as the tears started. “I’m trying. I swear I’m fucking trying.”

He stayed there, hand resting on her hair as the tears continued to fall, rolling down his cheeks and onto the blankets. He pressed his forehead to the edge of the mattress and squeezed his eyes shut, not sure how long he stayed there like that.

Eventually, Sebastian stood up and changed into pyjamas before climbing into the other side of the bed. Elle stirred but didn’t wake, shifting across in her sleep to give him space.

Forget the couch. Sebastian laid there with his daughter, hand resting on her upper arm, thumb stroking her soft, porcelain skin, wishing and hoping and praying that no matter what, Elle knew she was loved. Even by Emma. And when his eyes felt swollen, like he had no tears left to shed, he finally fell asleep.

Chapter Text

"I can't explain, you would not understand."

"I'm hungry," Elle huffed the next morning.

Sebastian had gathered their things first thing in the morning, leaving as soon as they got were both dressed and ready for the day.

"I know. Another birthday treat, we're going to Sam's house for breakfast," Sebastian explained.

"Oh."

Sebastian whipped his head in her direction and was quick to notice her frown.

"What's wrong? I thought you liked Sam?"

"I do," Elle exhaled deeply. "But he lives with Vincent."

Sebastian raised a brow, “And that’s… a problem?”

“He’s kind of loud and he always wants to play tag. And I don’t want to play tag.”

“Fair enough,” Sebastian agreed with a shrug. “Don’t worry, you don’t have to play tag. Jodi's tough, she'll make him sit and eat his breakfast."

Elle hummed quietly and walked at a slow pace, kicking a rock along the way.

By the time they reached Sam's house, Elle had picked up the rock and put it in her pocket. Sebastian knocked and almost immediately, the door swung open. Jodi greeted them with a wide smile and a flour-dusted apron.

"Hello, Sebastian. We haven't seen you in so long. How have you been?"

Sebastian had figured it was rather obvious how things had been, but Jodi was obviously being polite. "Yeah, not too bad. This is—"

"Elle, yes?" Jodi said, crouching down to Elle's level. "I'm Jodi. Sam has told me so much about you! I'm so excited you're here for breakfast!"

Jodi stuck out a hand and Elle took it immediately, which took Sebastian by surprise. It was the fastest he had ever seen Elle warm up to anyone.

Though, he'd heard from his mom a few times how Jodi had longed for a little girl in her life. Obviously, she was seizing the opportunity to shower Elle with all the pent-up girl-momming she’d stored away over the years.

"Sam's in his room, Sebastian. Elle can help me decorate the pancakes!" Jodi called over her shoulder.

He heard Elle say something excitedly about how much she loved pancakes and the back and forth of chatter between her and Jodi, so he left them to it.

He knocked gently on Sam's door and entered when his chirpy voice called out "Come in!"

The room was the same as Sebastian remembered it. He hadn't hung out with Sam in his bedroom since he'd moved to the city six years ago. There were band posters on the walls, stacks of CDs and records in a pile on the floor, a stack of laundry next to them that Sebastian couldn't tell were dirty or clean. Sam was sitting cross-legged on his bed, plucking a few chords on his guitar before setting it aside when he saw Sebastian.

"Hey, never thought I'd see the day we'd be eating breakfast together, of all meals, you fucking night owl," Sam chuckled, standing with a groan.

"Yeah, well. Things change, I guess."

Sam narrowed his eyes and studied Sebastian carefully for a moment before making an observation. "What's going on? Your aura is like… way shittier than normal."

"My aura?"

"You know," Sam said, gesturing in Sebastian's direction with his hands. "Your vibe. Your mood. I feel like you're super flat. Well, flatter than usual."

"It's nothing," Sebastian muttered.

Sam scoffed like shutting everyone out wasn't a standard for Sebastian.

"You texted me at midnight asking if you could eat breakfast here. That's not normal. So, what gives?"

Sam wouldn't let it go. He was Seb's best friend after all. He should probably tell him before he heard from his mom, anyway.

"Your parents love you, right?"

Sam furrowed his brows, "Weird way to start, but, yeah…"

"And you know how my dad doesn't love me?"

"I… very much doubt that, but sure, go on…"

"Well," Sebastian exhaled. "Maybe he does love me after all."

The look on Sam's face was pure confusion. “What are you talking about?”

"I got into a fight with mom last night, it's why I asked to come here this morning, so I wouldn't have to face her yet. Turns out, she was the one who stopped my dad from seeing me, rather than him simply choosing not to. She thought she was protecting me by forcing me to not have a relationship with him."

"Oh. Shit."

"Yeah," Sebastian breathed. "So, I spent my whole life feeling unloved and unwanted, doing everything to try and validate myself for him when it was her all along."

“I'm so sorry, man. That’s a lot.” Sam said with a sigh, leaning back on his bed. "So, are you pissed at your mom for lying or at your dad for not fighting harder?”

“Uh, I don't know. I haven't really thought about it. Both, I guess,” Sebastian admitted, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms over his chest. “I just keep replaying everything in my head, every time I felt like I wasn’t enough, when I felt abandoned, like Maru was more loved than me. And it’s like… it was all pointless because I was blaming the wrong fucking person."

Sam looked down at the sheets beneath him and picked at the threads absent-mindedly until he finally found some words, "Fuck, man, I don't really know what to say, like… that's so fucked up. I know your dad's caused a lot of problems in your life and I guess I'm just so sorry it took almost thirty years for the truth to come out."

"It's alright," Sebastian shrugged. "I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm just so fucking tired…"

"I bet," Sam chuckled. "I could never look after a kid."

"What about Vince?"

"Exactly. He's why I couldn't. Kid's hard work. You have my upmost respect," Sam shrugged.

Then Sebastian heard the sound of feet bounding through the house that skidded to a stop at Sam's bedroom door, followed by a tiny knock.

When he turned around, Elle was stood at the door with Vince standing behind her, both of them with wide grins.

"Breakfast is ready!" Elle announced proudly, scurrying off to follow Vince, presumably back to the kitchen.

Sam and Sebastian threw each other a look because clearly they both thought that was suspicious as fuck, and got up to follow.

"I thought Elle didn't like Vincent," Sam whispered as they wandered down the hall, scratching his head.

Sebastian just shrugged, "Same. Dunno what changed."

They reached the kitchen to find an explosion of colour across the table.

Pancakes stacked on mismatched coloured plastic plates, syrup, whipped cream, chocolate and enough sprinkles to make Willy Wonka jealous.

“Didn't the decorators do such a good job,” Jodi said brightly, gesturing toward the kids, but Sebastian could tell she was trying desperately hard not to stress about the mess they'd made in the process by the way her jaw was clenched tightly.

“We made animal pancakes!” Elle announced. “That one’s a cat, and that one’s a—” she squinted at the oddly shaped blob, "—duck… I think.”

“Looks like a blobfish to me,” Sam mumbled under his breath.

Sebastian sat down slowly, still half-lost in his thoughts, but when Elle looked at him with a beaming grin, he managed a small smile. “They look great, Elle.”

Elle smiled wider and slid one of the plates toward him. “These are yours. One is a bat. I made it because you like dark things. And that one is a frog because Maru told me you like to look for them."

"She did? Okay, well, yeah. I do."

"Can we look for frogs together one day?" Elle asked, grabbing her own plate of battered mess smothered in sugar and pulling it in front of her.

"Yeah, definitely. When we come back to Pelican Town."

Sebastian realised he probably shouldn't have said that. He didn't know when they'd be returning home, not while Sebastian was furious at his mother but Elle’s face lit up so brightly that he didn’t have the heart to take it back.

“Promise?” she asked with that damn twinkle in her eye that made Sebastian cave every single time.

Sebastian hesitated for only a second before nodding. “I promise.”

Elle grinned and took an enormous bite of her pancake, immediately coating her cheeks in whipped cream and sprinkles that Sebastian wiped away with a 'tsk' and a swipe of his thumb.

“So,” Sam said, snapping Sebastian out of his thoughts, “when are you heading back?”

"Probably not long after breakfast. Got work tomorrow, Elle's got school," Sebastian replied, stabbing his bat-cake with his fork.

Sam nodded, pushing a few blueberries around his plate with his fork. “Right. Back to the grind.”

“Yeah,” Sebastian said flatly with a sigh.

He took another bite of pancake and leaned back in his chair while Jodi poured more orange juice into Elle’s cup, just what she needed before a long bus trip home.

“You know, you’re welcome here anytime,” she said, catching Sebastian’s eye with a soft smile. “Both of you.”

“Thanks, Jodi,” Sebastian said quietly.

He meant it, truly, but a part of him wondered if he could keep doing this whole pretending to be fine thing forever because he sure as shit wasn't.

Elle tugged on his sleeve suddenly from beside him, her face smeared with chocolate syrup. “Can we give Vincent one of my frogs when we find them?”

"What?" Sebastian blinked. “Like, as a pet?”

Elle nodded, “Yeah. I think he’d like one. He likes snails and said he'd give me one when he catches them, so we can give him a frog when we catch one.”

Vincent nodded seriously, mouth full of pancake. “Yeah. Frogs are cool.”

"You're not keeping a frog as a pet!" Jodi chided.

"And you're not keeping snails," Sebastian said in Elle's direction. "Maybe stick to… cats or something."

"Oh! Can we get a cat?" Elle beamed.

"No."

"Aww," she whined.

After breakfast, the kids ran off into the yard and all of the adults at the table just sighed and sat back in their chairs.

“You doing okay?” Jodi asked softly in Sebastian's direction once they were alone.

“What do you mean?”

Jodi gave him that look that only moms could give. “I heard a bit of what you said to Sam earlier.”

“You were listening?”

“Kitchen’s near his room, sweetie, and Sam's not exactly quiet. It's hard not to… plus I spoke to your mom," she replied with a chuckle. “I’m sorry about what you found out about your dad.”

“It’s fine,” he lied and resisted the urge to roll his eyes just knowing their moms spoke on the phone practically every day. “I just need to figure out how to deal with it.”

Jodi nodded. “You will. "

Sebastian's eyes drifted out the window where Elle was proudly holding up a worm for Vincent to see that she'd dug out of the dirt.

He sighed. “Yeah.”

By the time they were leaving, Elle really didn't want to go. Not when she'd found four great worms to feed the chickens at Marnie's ranch. But she hugged Jodi tightly, gave Vincent a fist bump with a promise to play the farm game together online sometime, and Sam gave Sebastian a hug and a slap on the back.

“Thanks for breakfast. And for listening to me rant," Sebastian said into his neck.

“Anytime, man.” Sam clapped his shoulder. “You know where to find me.”

On the walk back to the bus stop, Elle seemed to have a pep in her step. She skipped along the dirt path, kicking rocks and crunching fallen, crispy leaves humming to herself quietly.

“Do you feel better now?” she asked suddenly.

Sebastian looked down at her with surprise. “Better?”

“Yeah. You were sad before breakfast.”

He hesitated, then gave a small nod. “Yeah. I'm okay, your pancakes made me feel a lot better.”

"I knew they would," she giggled, then paused before continuing. "Why were you and Robin fighting yesterday?"

Damn observant child.

"Did you hear us?"

Elle nodded.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up."

“That’s okay,” Elle said simply. “You were loud, though.”

“Yeah, I know. Grown-ups get loud and say dumb things when they’re angry.”

Elle tilted her head. “Like what?”

“Like… things they don’t always mean,” he said, choosing his words carefully. “Sometimes when people are hurt, they say things that make other people hurt too. And that's not good.”

“So…" Elle hummed, thinking about what that mean. "You were hurt?”

Sebastian almost choked on his next sentence because he didn’t really expect her to pick it up that easily. “Yeah. I guess I was.”

“Because Robin told a lie?”

Apparently she'd heard more than he thought.

“Yeah,” he admitted. “Because Robin told a lie.”

They walked in silence for a few moments, each finding crunchy leaves to step on to fill the silence until Elle said, “Are you gonna tell Robin that you’re angry?”

He sighed. “Yeah, probably. But I don’t know how to talk to her right now, I don't think I can.”

Elle nodded solemnly, as if she completely understood what that meant. “When I get mad at you, I still talk to you.”

"When do you get mad at me?" Sebastian asked defensively.

"Well, when you don't let me eat candy before dinner, when I can't have ice cream after eight o'clock, when I ask for another bedtime story and you tell me that four is enough…" Elle began to rattle off, counting on her fingers.

"Alright, alright! Point made," Sebastian said, hands up in surrender. “I didn’t realise I made you mad that often.”

"You do," Elle grinned. "But I still talk to you after and sometimes I forgive you straight away."

Sebastian smirked. “How kind of you.”

“I think you should do that with Robin,” she said matter-of-factly. “You can be mad, but you still have to talk to her. Otherwise she won’t know you’re mad. And she makes really good spaghetti.”

That earned a deep laugh from Sebastian because Elle made it sound so fucking simple. He wished it was that simple. But how can you forgive someone so easily who lied to you your entire life and indirectly caused every single thing that was wrong with you?

"Yeah, she does make good spaghetti."

When the bus pulled up, Sebastian had never been more thankful to be getting on it. Elle climbed up the steps first, trotting down the aisle to grab their usual seats near at the back. And when she was distracted by her colouring books, Sebastian pulled out his phone and did some searching. His dad had to be out there somewhere, right?

Chapter Text

"Ever thought of calling when you've had a few?"

Much like the time Sebastian tried to track down Elle's uncle, it turned out there was a lot of Robert Evans who potentially went by the name Rob (not to be confused with his first wife, Robin). And what seemed to make it harder was that his father was significantly older than Harry was, meaning there was no guarantee his father would actually be able to be tracked down via traditional online stalking methods.

Elle had gone to sleep hours ago, Sebastian should have been heading off to sleep himself. He was due to clock in remotely at 9:00 a.m, giving him just enough time to fix himself a coffee after dropping Elle at school. But instead he was perusing ever social media platform he could, trying to find something.

There wasn't much Sebastian knew about Robert Evans. But he did know he was fifty-eight-years-old. He lived in Grampleton, at least until Sebastian was eight-years-old, the last time he heard from him. His parents died when they were in their fifties and never met Sebastian. He had dark hair, much like himself (unfortunately) and liked to hang out at bars and pubs a lot (his mom could vouch for that one).

Sebastian leaned back in his chair, rubbing his eyes as another search result loaded and it was yet another wrong Robert Evans. This one lived in Zuzu City, worked as a mechanic, and had two teenage kids. Unless his father had aged backwards, it definitely wasn't the right one.

He scrolled again. Another Rob Evans. A few Roberts. Most were private accounts, the public ones had pictures of dogs, vacations, family Christmases. None of them were what he was looking for, but every one of them felt like a knife to the gut, seeing what he could have had if his Rob Evans was different.

As a last-ditch attempt, he typed “Robert Evans Grampleton Bars” into the search bar, filtering by older posts first.

Aha.

An old BookFace group popped up labelled Velvet and Smoke Bar - The Old Days.

The group was public and hadn't been active for at least ten years. But one of the last posts was from The Whiskey Gramps last ever gig. And there he was. There was good old Rob.

"Congrats on the final gig! Rob on bass, Dave on drums, and Marty front and centre with vocals and guitar. What a ride it’s been!” the caption read.

Sebastian clicked on the attached photo, and there he was, sitting on a bar stool with a bass guitar across his lap, all salt-and-pepper-haired and making Sebastian cringe when he realised looking like that may well be his future.

He shook off the thoughts of his rapidly-approaching middle-age and realised it was Marty himself who had made the post. Sebastian clicked on his profile and expected it to be locked or inactive but, nope. Everything was open and he'd only posted two days ago about his wife's birthday.

Sebastian exhaled shakily. He wasn’t sure what he was hoping to get out of randomly bursting into this man's inbox, but he couldn’t stop now. Marty the Frontman was his only lead.

He clicked message and started typing.

"Hi Marty,

Sorry to bother you. I came across your old post in the Velvet and Smoke Bar group about The Whiskey Gramps’ last gig. I noticed someone named Rob Evans in the picture. He's my father. I know it’s been a long time, but do you happen to know if he’s still around Grampleton, or where he ended up?Any help would mean a lot. Thanks!"

He read it over twice before pressing send before he could second-guess himself. Then sat back, running his fingers through his hair.

Sebastian sighed, closed the laptop after a few moments of contemplation, or rather, 'what the fuck have I done?', then decided he needed to sleep.

But before he could even push his chair back enough to get out of it, his phone lit up with a message.

That was quick.

Marty: Hey there. Yeah, I remember Rob. Been a long time since anyone’s asked about him. You’re his kid?

Sebastian's first instinct was to panic because now what? He hadn’t expected he'd get that far so quickly. Didn't finding long lost family members take years and years of gut-wrenching searching?

He unlocked his phone with clumsy fingers and typed back before he could psych himself out of it.

Sebastian: Yeah. I’m his son. I haven't seen him for a long time. I’m just trying to figure out if he’s still around.

The three dots appeared almost immediately, then appeared a mobile phone number.

Marty: Here's his number. Tell him I said hi.

Holy fucking shit. Sebastian clearly had some sort of incredible ability to find people he needed to contact. First, Harry fell into his lap at the supermarket and now this?

Sebastian added it quickly to his phone and gave Marty his thanks, then decided to text the number anyway. It was past midnight, normally he'd wait, but Rob was a jerk, so he could deal with being woken up in the middle of the night.

Sebastian's thumb hovered over his screen until he finally decided to type.

"hey this might be weird but is this Rob?"

He stared at it, chewing his bottom lip, before adding:

"if it is this is your son Sebastian."

He hit send before he could think twice about his reckless impulsiveness.

But the moment the message went through, he immediately regretted it. What the hell was he expecting dropping him a text like that? A heartfelt reply? An apology that would make up for years of silence? Regret that he gave up fighting Robin to see him?

He tossed the phone onto the desk and buried his face in his hands.

“Fucking idiot,” he muttered under his breath.

A minute passed. Then two. Then five.

That was it. He was going to bed.

He left the phone where it was and got up, wandering to his room, changing into pyjamas as quietly as possible to not disturb Elle and made some measly attempt at sleep.

Not that sleep came easily. It never did. Sebastian drifted in and out, his mind reminding him how stupid he was every time he thought about the message. He shouldn’t have sent it. He shouldn’t have opened that door because what if he did respond? What if he wanted to come back into his life? Then he'd have to explain that to an already overwhelmed and confused Elle. But he'd sent it, like the dumb stupid idiot he was so all he could do was wait.

When his alarm blared at 6:00 a.m., he groaned into his pillow. Elle was still curled up in her blanket fort of stuffed animals in her bed in the corner of the room, letting out a similar sounding groan.

By the time breakfast was served and Sebastian was downing a coffee, his phone was still silent with no missed calls and no new messages. He tried to tell himself that was a good thing. Maybe Rob had changed numbers. Maybe it wasn’t even him. Maybe Marty had given him a fake number. Maybe he simply didn't want to hear from Sebastian at all.

But when he glanced down the phone on the kitchen bench as he packed Elle’s lunch, there it was.

Dad?: yeah this is rob. how are you sebby?

He froze.

Sebby. It had to be him.

Elle looked up, spoon halfway to her mouth with milk dropping down from it. “You okay, dad?”

Sebastian blinked at her then shook his head and forced a smile. “Yeah. Just burnt my tongue on the coffee.”

She rolled her eyes and finished putting the spoon in her mouth. “You always do that.”

He laughed. It was true, he did. But his smile faded when he peered down at his phone again, staring at the message. He needed time to think of what to say. Rob made him wait that long for a response, he could wait for one too.

Sebastian dropped Elle at school and got a takeaway coffee on the walk back, taking it to his desk and logging onto his computer for the day. He didn't have any meetings until 11:30 a.m. He wished he'd had some earlier to take his mind off his stupid phone.

He managed to get through the first half an hour of work without checking his phone. Then another fifteen minutes. Then another five before he caved, picking it up and opening his messages, starting to thumb a reply.

hey dad. mom told me that—

Nope. Delete. Better to not lead with mention of his ex-wife. Probably shouldn't call him dad right away either.

i'm good. missed you—

Delete. Nope, that was a fucking lie.

i'm good. you?

Yep, that would do. He hit send before he could think better of it then put his phone down.

A long, excruciating minute passed. He reached for his coffee, took a sip and spluttered at how cold the coffee had gone. Then, his phone buzzed.

Dad?: doing alright. i'm retired now and still living in grampleton. i'll admit i didn't expect to ever hear from you.

Sebastian leaned back in his chair with a frown. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but it felt like Rob was talking to an old friend from high school and not his long-lost son.

Sebastian typed, "yeah. I didn’t expect you to reply," but swiftly deleted it. That felt too defensive.

"Yeah, it has been a while." He deleted that too. A while didn’t even fucking cover it. Twenty-two years was more than just a while.

He set the phone down, running both hands over his face. He should have been working but all he could think about was that stupid message sitting unanswered.

He picked up the phone again and typed something safe that gave him a little bit and also showed him what he missed out on.

Sebastian: nice. i’m in the city now, got a kid too.

He hesitated before hitting send, staring at the words because it felt like Rob didn't deserve to know that part of his life, but making him aware didn't mean he would ever get the privilege of getting to meet Elle.

The reply didn’t come right away like the other messages. He started to think maybe Rob had decided to ghost him after all because if he couldn't even be a father, how could he possibly be a grandfather, but then the phone buzzed again.

Dad?: a kid? wow. guess that makes me a pop huh? whats their name?

Sebastian scoffed. Pop and Rob Evans shouldn't belong in the same sentence. But he decided to appease him anyway.

Sebastian: her name's elle. she's six.

The next response came almost immediately.

Dad?: elle. thats nice. i bet shes smart. you always were.

Sebastian exhaled, and stared at the message. How could he possibly know that? How could the most absentee father to ever be absent know that his own son was smart? Now, he was mad. He left the message untouched for hours while he worked, finally thinking maybe he had the closure he needed.

But just when he thought about finishing up work to go and pick up Elle from school, another message arrived.

Dad?: maybe we could catch up sometime if you want. grab a beer.

Beer. Yuck. Clearly Sebastian and his father were nothing alike. Well, except for their musical abilities apparently.

He left it alone as long as he could until Sebastian found himself sitting in a dodgy pub at 11:54 a.m. on a Tuesday three weeks later, waiting for Rob's arrival.

They'd agreed on midday, and to Rob's credit, he was only ten minutes late which was a lot earlier than Sebastian expected, if he even expected him to show at all.

When he approached the table Sebastian was sitting at, he already had two beers in hand.

"Sebby? That you?"

Sebastian turned around and there he was, in the flesh. He looked older than Sebastian remembered, obviously, but what he didn't expect was him to look so much older than the photo he'd seen of him with his old band. His hair was salt-and-pepper grey, balding a little on the top (great…) and his face was wrinkled and sun-damaged. It looked like old Rob had spent too many years doing manual labour and being on the piss.

Rob set one of the beers on the table and slid it across towards Sebastian. “Didn’t think I’d actually see you again after all these years. You look good, son. Taller than I thought you'd be, honestly.”

“Yeah, well. Twenty-two years will do that.”

Rob chuckled, but it was full of awkwardness. “Yeah. That's a fair point.” He scratched the back of his neck, glancing around the bar like he wasn’t sure where to put his eyes. "So, uh, how's your mom?"

Sebastian furrowed his brows. "She's… good?"

"Yeah, sorry. Shouldn't have started with that, huh." Rob cleared his throat. “Old habits, I guess.”

“Right," Sebastian grumbled, wrapping his hands around the beer glass but not actually having a sip. “So, you’re still in Grampleton?”

“Yeah,” Rob said. “But I bought a little place near the river, didn't need such a big place anymore.”

Yeah, definitely don't need three bedrooms when you don't see your kid…

Sebastian nodded. “That’s good.”

They sat in silence for a few seconds too long listening to the general buzz of other unemployed, above-middle-aged men sinking beers during the middle of the day.

Rob gestured to the untouched beer in front of Sebastian. “You don’t drink?”

“Not really,” Sebastian said. “Never liked the taste.”

“Ah.” Rob’s smile flickered, and he took a long sip of his own. “You get that from your mom’s side, then.”

“Yeah. Guess so.”

Another silence.

“So,” Rob tried again, “your message said you’ve got a daughter. Elle, right? You got a picture?”

Sebastian hesitated, then pulled out his phone and scrolled for a moment before turning the screen toward him. There was Elle, his perfect, beautiful daughter who he was so glad he didn't bring to lunch, posing out the front of school with her too-large backpack over her shoulders, almost obstructing her favourite unicorn shirt.

Rob smiled softly, “She’s beautiful, Seb. So, that means you have a wife then, I assume?”

Sebastian suddenly wished he had. Knocking someone up and not knowing was arguably worse than what his dad had done. At least Rob had the decency to marry Robin first.

"Uh, no. I don't."

"Girlfriend?"

"… Nope. It's just me and Elle."

Rob nodded slowly, the corners of his mouth twitching like he wanted to say something encouraging but couldn’t quite figure out what that could even be. “That’s… so, a single dad, huh? Didn’t think you’d… well, I mean, good on you.”

Sebastian raised an eyebrow. “You didn’t think I’d what?”

"Oh, nothing. I thought you'd be making a conscious effort to settle down before you… you know, had a child."

"Hm," Sebastian huffed. "I must get that from your side of the family then."

Rob sighed and closed his eyes with a deep sigh. “I suppose that was inevitable… look, Sebby—”

“Sebastian,” he corrected quietly.

“Right. Sebastian. I know I don’t have much of a right to say or ask anything. Your mom made that abundantly clear—”

"You can't blame her for it all. I know she made it difficult for you, but you just gave up."

Rob's eyes moved to the table and he stared down at his beer, thumb tracing the condensation gathering on the glass. “Yeah. You’re right. I did. I don't want to make excuses but I was young, dumb and angry. When your mom told me to stop calling, I did, because she was so frustrating to deal with.”

Sebastian’s jaw clenched tightly. “You could’ve at least tried.”

“I did for a while,” Rob shrugged. “But she kept sending everything back. Any birthday gifts, Christmas presents. I figured, why am I wasting my money fighting her? So I stopped."

It hurt. It fucking hurt. Sebastian knew his father was lazy, unmotivated. He had hoped his mom was just exaggerating his flaws. But they were true. He gave up on Sebastian quicker than he ever should have.

And there was the difference between them that Sebastian should have seen from the start. Sure, he fucked up, got Emma pregnant and had an illegitimate child he didn't know existed, but Sebastian would send himself bankrupt before he gave up on that little girl.

In the short few months he'd had her, Elle meant more to him than anyone else ever would. Rob couldn't begin to understand that kind of love. The kind that made you rearrange your entire life without any bit of hesitation. The kind of love that made every bad decision before it somehow worth it the sacrifice.

Rob couldn’t know what it felt like to wake up to a sleepy little face whispering "morning, daddy!" or the way Elle’s laugh dissolved every ounce of frustration in his body. He couldn’t understand, because if he had, he never would’ve stopped trying.

"Look, Sebastian, I'll go grab some menus and we'll order food. There's a lot I'd like to say to you, if you'll let me."

Sebastian nodded. He was mad. Furious, even. But he figured since he had gone through the effort of meeting with the man, the least he could do is snag a free meal while he listened to his bullshit excuses.

Rob got up and left, making his way towards the counter near the front of the pub. Sebastian watched him go and once he was out of sight, he told himself to relax, to breathe. This was fine. He’d gotten through the really tricky part. The awkward hello, the confrontation, the small talk. Now they could just eat and maybe even start untangling the mess between them.

Except five minutes passed. Then ten passed.

He checked his phone quickly and found no messages.

When fifteen minutes had gone by, Sebastian craned his neck toward the bar for the umpteenth time. There was no sign of his dad.

His stomach sank.

He waited another five minutes, then another ten.

By the thirty-minute mark, the sinking feeling in his gut became impossible to ignore. He should have known better. He should have fucking expected this. But some pathetic, hopeful part of him still thought maybe this time would be different or something had gone wrong.

Sebastian got up from his chair and wandered around the establishment, checked the bathrooms, asked at the bar, made sure he hadn't keeled over having a heart attack somewhere but when he got to the sports bar, his worst-case scenario was staring right back at him.

There was Rob, stupid fucking Rob, sitting at a round table with three similar-looking men, all with betting slips in their hands.

"Come on, number 6, go, you good thing!" Rob's voice rang out, eyes fixed on the television hung on the wall.

He was too caught up in the race and the thrill of it, in everything else but his son.

Something inside Sebastian broke.

He turned on his heels and left before he caused a scene.

Once he was outside, he shoved his hands deep into his hoodie pockets and walked fast in the general direction of home, but he didn't really care if he made it there.

Two blocks later, he found himself panting, struggling to catch his breathe.

"Fuck…" he murmured to himself, stopping by an alleyway and sneaking in it, sinking down one of the cool walls and pressing the heels of his palms against his burning eyes.

It wasn’t just anger anymore. Sebastian felt fucking humiliated. He’d gone there expecting awkwardness, maybe even a weak apology. But he didn't expect to be stood up by the same man who’d spent two decades doing it from afar after he'd already arrived and spoken to him.

He dragged his hands down his face and let out a shaky, choked laugh. “Of course. Of fucking course.”

The worst part wasn’t even that Rob had left him high and dry. It was that Sebastian had actually waited for him. He'd checked the bathrooms, the bar, he even worried that something bad had happened to him because that’s what decent fucking people do when someone disappears. Apparently, his father didn’t qualify as one of those.

He stayed there for a while, sitting against the brick wall, chest rising and falling quickly until the tears finally gave way, and all that was left was exhaustion. He tilted his head back against the wall, staring up at the narrow strip of sky between the buildings between bleary blinks.

Sebastian shouldn’t have come. He knew that now. Every instinct in him had warned him it would probably end badly, that people really don't ever change. But still, he’d hoped.

Hope was fucking stupid.

Sebastian pulled his phone from his pocket, and scrolled to the message chain with his dad. For a moment, he considered sending something, probably abuse and a few good swears to let him know what he really thought of him and that he didn't deserve a second chance, he didn't deserve a son and he sure as shit didn't deserve a granddaughter who he was certain he was never going to meet now.

Instead, he pressed 'block' on his number then scrolled until he found who he was looking for.

"Hello, Sebastian," they answered on the second ring.

"Mom?"

He swore he heard the change in Robin's tone, which started off as possibly annoyed or surprised he was ringing, to shock.

"Hey, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

“I’m fine,” Sebastian lied, wiping the wetness from his face with the back of his sleeve. “I just… I shouldn’t have gone.”

There was a pause. Sebastian inhaled, and sniffed.

“You went and saw him,” Robin finally said, saving Sebastian the pain of having to say it himself.

“Yeah,” Sebastian muttered. “And I shouldn’t have.”

“Did he—?”

“He showed up,” he said quickly, cutting her off before making her assumptions. “He bought me a beer, asked about you, about Elle, then… I don’t know what happened. He was going to get menus and never came back. I found him at the sports bar—”

"—Watching the horses."

"Yeah," Sebastian replied shakily.

“Old habits die hard, I see…” Robin sighed. “I told you not to expect much from him. I should’ve—”

“You don’t have to say it, okay?” Sebastian interrupted again. “I know. You were right. I just thought… fuck, I don’t know what I thought. Closure, maybe?"

“Closure doesn’t come from people like him, Sebby,” she said softly. “You'll get your closure from knowing you’re nothing like him.”

That hit him deep, right in the chest where it hurt the most. Sebastian had his doubts, sure. Particularly about his ability to parent, but sitting there, watching his dad, getting abandoned by his him, again, proved to him that he was absolutely not like his father. Not even a little.

There was another pause, because Sebastian didn't even think he could manage more words if he tried, then Robin asked, “Where are you right now?”

“In an alleyway,” he admitted with a weak, choked laugh. “Don’t worry, it’s not as creepy as it sounds.”

"Okay. Do you want me to come to town and help out with Elle tonight?"

"What? Mom, no, it's fine—"

"I can, I really don't mind. She is my granddaughter, after all. And my baby is feeling hurt."

Sebastian laughed under his breath. “Mom, I’m thirty. I don’t think I qualify as your baby anymore.”

“You will always be my baby,” she said in that sweet, gentle way only mothers could give. “And thirty isn’t too old to need your mom after that sort of day.”

He closed his eyes, head falling back against the brick wall again, sniffing back the last of his tears. “I’ll be fine, mom. I just need to pick Elle up from school and just get on with it, I guess.”

"Alright, sweetie. I love you very much and I am sorry. For what I did and also for what your 'sperm donor' did."

Sebastian furrowed his brows and laughed deeply, "Calling him a sperm donor would be fine if it wasn't you I was talking to."

Gross.

“Okay, I’ll rephrase. Your father is a monumental jackass, and I’m sorry you had to see that for yourself.”

Sebastian huffed out an exhausted laugh, “That’s better.”

“I mean it, though,” she said gently. “You didn’t deserve that. You never did.”

Sebastian swallowed hard, staring at a particularly lopsided brick in front of him. “Yeah. I know.”

“Good. Go get Elle. She'll make the day better, I'm sure of it.”

“Yeah,” he murmured with a gentle smile. “She will.”

They said their goodbyes, and when the call ended, Sebastian sat for a moment longer in the alley, listening to the hum of the city until he realised where he was sitting and what people did when they wandered up alleys.

He was quick to push himself up, making a mental note to change his jeans the second he got home, then started walking.

By the time he reached the school, kids were already spilling out the gates and then he noticed her. Elle spotted him almost immediately among the crowd, her whole face lighting up as she waved both hands in the air in his direction.

That smile was everything.

“Daddy! You’re here!”

“I know,” he said, smiling as she launched herself into his arms. "I'm always here."

“Did you finish all your work today?” she asked as she took his hand and swung it a little as they walked back through the gates.

“Sort of.”

“Sort of means no."

He laughed. “Alright, fine, no, I didn't. But I thought maybe we could do something fun after school.”

Her eyes widened instantly, "Ice cream?”

“Nope, even better. You remember how you’ve been asking about getting a cat?”

Elle gasped so hard it startled him. “No. Way.”

“Yep. Thought we could go to the shelter and meet a few, see if one likes us.”

“Daddy! I’m going to faint!” She fanned herself dramatically, and Sebastian couldn’t help but burst into laughter.

“Please don’t faint before we get there,” he said. “We haven’t seen any cats yet.”

Elle made it to the shelter a few blocks away from Sebastian's complex without experiencing any syncope episodes, and by the time they stepped through the door, she was practically vibrating with excitement.

They were greeted immediately when they made their way through the door by a too-cheerful looking receptionist.

“Hi there,” she said. “Looking to adopt?”

“Yes! My daddy said we can get a cat today!” Elle answered before Sebastian could even try utter the words 'just browsing'.

“We’re just looking right now," he clarified. "I figured she could meet a few, see how she likes them.”

“Oh, sure. ‘Just looking.’ That’s what everyone says," the receptionist said with a grin.

She didn't listen to Sebastian's insistence that they were only browsing, beginning to rattle off the adoption process as Elle made her way through a door, into the corridor where the cats were in cages, some sleeping, some coming up to the front to see what was happening, most of them hiding.

They went from cat to cat. There was a sleepy ginger sprawled on its' back having what looked to be a wonderful afternoon kip, a nervous tabby that darted to the back of its crate the second Elle got too close, and one particularly unimpressed calico that hissed simply because Sebastian made eye contact with it.

But then, near the end of the row, there was a cage with a black short-hair curled in the corner.

Elle crouched down slowly and muttered a soft, “Hi, kitty.”

The cat blinked at her from the corner then cautiously stood up and stepped forward until its nose bumped the glass.

Sebastian found himself crouching beside her, using his finger to pretend to tickle the cat, even though there was glass separating them.

“What’s this one’s name?” he asked.

"That's Obsidian. Unique, I know," the attendant said sarcastically, gesturing at the black fur. "We've taken to calling him Obie instead."

“Hi, Obie,” Elle whispered with a tilted head, like she didn’t want to scare him.

The cat blinked at her, then rubbed his cheek against the glass.

Sebastian chuckled, “Guess he likes you.”

“I like him too,” Elle replied.

The attendant opened the cage door and scooped up the cat. “You can pat him if you like. He's very friendly.

Elle nodded quickly, holding out her hand and Obie sniffed her fingers for a moment then leaned forward and nuzzled his head against her hand.

Sebastian felt something inside his heart shift, that painful ache easing for the first time all day.

“He’s older,” the attendant said. “We think he's five or six, we're not exactly sure but he is the sweetest little guy."

Elle looked back up at Sebastian, pleading with those big brown eyes and the cat now in her arms. “Pleeeeeeease, dad? He's the same age as me!”

He hesitated. There was a brief moment when all the responsible thoughts ran through his head. The vet bills, hair on the couch and his bed, one more thing to look after, the limitations when it came time to get a new lease, but looking at Elle and at the little black cat purring in her arms, the answer was pretty damn obvious.

“Yeah, okay."

Elle squealed quietly, tapping her little feet on the floor.

"Great! I'll get the paperwork started for you," the attendant said, clasping her hands together and leading Elle away.

When he followed them, all Sebastian could think about was how impulsive and foolish he was following through with such a thing. But then he watched Elle, now sitting cross-legged on the floor beside the counter, already whispering to Obie, he couldn’t help but smile because as long as that little girl was safe and happy, he didn't care about the bad shit that happened to him. Elle smiled, and that meant it was a good day.

Chapter Text

"Do you remember when we met? That's the day I knew you were my pet."

"Elle!" Sam beamed when she opened the door to the apartment. "How are y—What the fuck is that?"

Sebastian looked over from the kitchen where he was chopping strawberries for Elle's snack to see Sam glaring at Obie lounging on the sofa.

"Oh! That's Obie! He's really nice," Elle said, trying hard to reassure Sam, like she thought he was scared.

"When did you get a cat?" Sam hissed in Sebastian's direction.

Sebastian just shrugged, "I dunno. A month ago?"

"You know I'm deathly allergic!" Sam’s voice had risen to a high, incredulous pitch.

"Stop exaggerating.”

“I'm not exaggerating!” Sam took a wide, horrified step back toward the hallway, waving a hand in front of his face like that would create a shield against the deadly cat dander. “Do you have any idea what happens if I even breathe near one of those things?”

Elle’s eyes went wide. “You'll die?”

“Pretty much!” Sam said, gesturing dramatically, before turning on Sebastian again. “You could’ve warned me!"

Sebastian sighed, setting down the knife. “Calm down, you’re not going to die. He’s not even shedding that much. Look, he’s basically—”

Obie yawned, stretched, and scratched his neck, sending a physical puff of fur into the air.

“—a biological weapon,” Sam finished flatly, pinching his nose. “I can feel my eyes swelling already!"

Sebastian sighed, "Elle, put Obie in our bedroom please before poor old Sammy combusts."

Elle nodded quickly, scooping Obie up in her arms. The cat let out a confused little 'mrrp' as she hurried down the hall.

As soon as the door clicked shut, Sam stepped in and sneezed immediately.

"Schee what happens when I'm around a ckhat!" Sam replied, all nasally.

Sebastian just rolled his eyes, "Whatever. We'll be leaving to drop Elle at school soon anyway."

Sam sniffled miserably, rummaging in his jacket pocket for tissues. “Ghood. Because I don’t fink my immune system can survive this."

Elle returned moments later.

"Do you feel better now, Uncle Sam?" she asked sweetly.

"Yheah. I fheel whonderful. Can you get a move on so we chan ghet you to school?"

"Okay," Elle giggled. “You sound funny when you talk like that.”

"Yheah, I’m sure I do,” Sam muttered, blowing his nose into a ragged old tissue he'd pulled from his pocket.

Sebastian smirked, rinsing the knife in the sink. “You're so dramatic dude, should I have bought you a hazmat suit before visiting?"

“You joke, bhut I’m nhot kidding,” Sam said, rubbing his aching, reddening eyes. “You need a supply of antihisthamines.”

Elle interrupted them, coming back after disappearing again, wearing her little backpack, proudly holding up a piece of paper. “Look what I made for show and tell today! It’s a drawing of Obie and Uncle Sam sneezing!”

Sam stared at the sketch and Sebastian snorted. “Wow, you've really captured the weeping eyes and clown nose.”

Elle beamed, clearly proud of herself. “Look! See? That’s the fur flying everywhere, and that’s you going ‘ahhh-chooo!’"

Sam blinked at the picture, then at her, “Elle, I lhove you, kid, but this is the meanest fing you've ever done to me."

Elle giggled again, swaying on her feet as she folded up the paper and slipped it into her bag.

"Alright, ready to go?" Sebastian asked, zipping her lunchbox closed and sliding it into her backpack alongside her Sam fanart, giving her a pat on the head for good measure when he was done.

Elle nodded wildly, then ran to take Sam's hand as they left.

"Hope you washed those after touching your deadly beast," Sam grumbled as she laced her fingers through his.

She laughed, shaking her head. "You're so silly, Uncle Sam."

Thankfully, once they were back in the fresh air, Sam's nose calmed down and they were able to walk Elle to school without any further incident.

When they reached the gates, Elle darted ahead, waving to a friend waiting by the entrance, but tracked back quickly to give Sebastian and Sam a big hug each. “Bye Daddy! Bye Uncle Sam!” she called, before following her friend to their classroom.

“See ya, Elle,” Sebastian called after her.

Once she was out of sight, they turned and left, wandering back in the direction of the apartment.

"So, where's your gig tonight?" Sebastian asked.

“You know, that little pub down by seventh street?”

"Sure," Sebastian shrugged, despite not actually knowing the names of any of the pubs except for The Salty Dog, which he ignored for obvious reasons.

“Eight o’clock. Should be a decent crowd tonight. Wanna get a bite to eat first? I hear their food is great," Sam asked.

Sebastian quickly looked down at his wrist. He was supposed to be clocking into work soon, but after a few months of dedication, he realised the work place was rather flexible. As long as Sebastian was getting his work done, which he was, they truly didn't care if he was or wasn't online at all hours of the day.

Perks of being a small, indie company, he supposed.

Truly a jackpot job.

"Yeah, alright," Sebastian agreed.

Sam stopped walking and gave him a surprised look. “Wait, seriously? No excuses? ‘I’ve got too much work’, ‘I’ll catch you after’? You good?”

“You realise I do sometimes leave my apartment, right?”

“Only for Elle," Sam said. "Or to get laid. Actually, have you been laid since—"

"No, Samson. I haven't slept with anyone since I got Elle. When the fuck was I supposed to do that? She sleeps in my bedroom."

"Man, that’s bleak.”

“She gets nightmares sometimes,” Sebastian said defensively. “Plus, it's a one-bedroom apartment. I'm not having her sleep in the living room alone and I—”

Sam held up his hands. “Hey, hey! I’m not judging your parenting. I’m judging your sex life. There’s a difference.”

“There is no 'sex life' to judge.”

"You should get a babysitter sometime."

"No, I'm fine."

"But you're missing out! Man, Alex—"

"Please stop talking."

"He's so good at—"

"Shut up, Sam!"

"Makes me feel—"

Sebastian turned and started walking away quickly.

Sam laughed, jogging to catch up. “Oh, come on, don’t be like that! I’m just saying you’re too young to be celibate!"

"I'm not celibate. My body count is higher than what I can count on one hand, that's enough for me right now," Sebastian called behind him.

"Are you ever gonna date again? I know a great guy from one of the places I perform at regularly, he—"

"Sam!" Sebastian said with a huff, stopping a turning to him. "I'm not dating, okay? Not any time soon. Elle's my priority and I am absolutely okay with that. Maybe one day when she's older I'll… I'll go back to it but… not now."

Sam shrugged, "I suppose that makes sense. But if you ever want a really good guy, let me know."

"Will do," Sebastian said with a roll of his eyes.

They arrived at the venue, which was a rather nice looking club, Seb had to admit. The exterior was old brick, painted an almost black colour with string lights hanging loosely over the doorway. It looked small from the outside but opened up into something much more atmospheric once they got through the doors.

Thankfully, it wasn't too busy being mid-morning. Quite an awkward time to eat, Sebastian figured, but if he wanted to get any work done that day, he had to eat something quick, then leave.

Sam grabbed them a table and some menu's, wasting no time browsing. “Oh, look, they’ve got waffles—”

“I’m not getting the waffles.”

“Aw, why not? I am.”

“Because I'm not twelve."

Sam gasped, clutching at his chest. “Excuse you. Waffles are fucking timeless."

Sebastian just rolled his eyes in return and went back to scanning over the menu. “You are a child.”

“Yeah," Sam agreed. "A child who’s about to have the best breakfast of his life. Extra syrup, whipped cream, maybe some berries…” He trailed off and Sebastian swore he saw his eyes glaze over with sugary dreams.

Sebastian picked up the menu with a shake of his head. “You’re nuts.”

“Yeah, but I'm happy. What are you thinking?”

"The avocado toast looks good," Sebastian pondered. "Sans eggs, obviously."

"Then what's the point?"

Sebastian gave him a flat look. “The point is food, Sam. Actual sustenance. Avocado is great for you, you should try it sometime.”

“Only in guac form,” Sam muttered.

With a roll of his eyes, Sebastian ordered his own breakfast… lunch… brunch? And Sam got his waffles.

"So," Sam began after some idle chatter about his upcoming gig, "Have you heard from your dad since he… you know, stood you up?"

Sebastian shook his head with a mouth full of toast.

"Nope," he swallowed thickly. "I blocked that mother fucker on every form of communication I could think of. But even if I hadn't, I wouldn't be surprised if he hadn't even tried to contact me."

Sam frowned, putting down his knife and fork and resting his elbows on the table. “You blocked him on everything?”

Sebastian nodded, casually cutting into his toast without looking at it. “Yep. Phone, socials, email. I'm not giving him a chance to slip through any cracks.”

Sam huffed a quiet laugh. “Brutal.”

“Yeah, well,” Sebastian muttered, “so is ditching your son and the granddaughter you never even got to meet."

"Does Elle know about it?"

"That I went to meet dad? Not at all. There's no need to, really. She'll never meet him, so she never needs to learn his name at all. She knows I have a dad that's not Demitrees and she's never asked for more info."

"Demitrees?" Sam asked, scratching his head.

"Oh. Yeah. That's what she called Demetrius. It wasn't intentional but I think it's stuck."

Sam snorted another laugh, "How does Demitrees feel about it?"

Sebastian shrugged, "Dunno, don't care either."

“You’re such an ass," Sam chuckled.

“Probably,” Sebastian said, taking another bite of avocado-smeared toast. “But if the man’s gotta to live with a nickname that sounds like a brand of compost, that’s between him and Elle.”

“Demitrees! 'Improve the quality of your produce with Demitrees!’ Fucking gold. Should get the new farmer onto that one.”

"Yeah," Sebastian laughed in return. "How is that farmer, anyway?"

"Dunno, never talked to 'em. Mom says they're good with a rod though, caught some some good bass for dinner once. Can't say I really agreed, but whatever Jodi says, goes, I suppose."

Sebastian smirked into his coffee. “You’re still scared of your mom, huh?”

“Scared? No. Just respectful.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Okay, maybe I'm a little scared” Sam admitted. “But can you blame me? You’ve seen her. That woman could glare a damn confession out of a convicted criminal.”

Sam wasn't wrong. Jodi was terrifying when she wanted to be. Single(ish) mother ability, Sebastian assumed. Then he wondered if people saw him the same way with Elle.

He doubted it.

Jodi had the kind of stare that could curdle milk if she looked hard enough. Sebastian’s was more the “please don’t climb on that, sweetheart, dear angel,” variety. He was trying, but how could he disappoint that sweet little face?

They lingered for another twenty-five minutes, finishing off their meals and letting the conversation drift to lighter things, thankfully. Sam’s setlist for the gig which included that one song Sebastian wrote, Elle’s new favourite comic. Eventually, Sebastian checked the time on his phone and sighed. “Alright, I should get going. Gotta do some work today."

"Aw," Sam whined. "You sure you don't wanna come back for the gig later? Elle loves watching me play!"

"She does," Sebastian agreed. "Unfortunately she's got a diorama she's supposed to be working on that she neglected to tell me about until last night, so…"

"Fair enough. Kid’s already taking after you because clearly procrastination runs in the family.”

Sebastian snorted. “Yeah, I guess."

A moment later, the server dropped off the bill, and Sam immediately snatched it up.

“I’ve got this one,” he declared.

Sebastian gave him a sharp look. “No, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do. Buy Elle ice cream on the way home or something."

"Sam…"

"No, seriously. You can get the next one."

Sam covered the bill and left a tip before Sebastian could force the card out of his hands then stood and shrugging his jacket on.

"Well, good luck with your emails," Sam said, pulling Sebastian into a hug.

"And good luck with the gig."

Sam slapped him on the back then peeled himself away heading towards the door, tossing a wave over his shoulder. “Later, Seb!"

Sebastian left shortly after and made his way home. By the time he got there, the sun was well and truly streaming through the open curtains. He kicked off his shoes and tossed his keys on the table before fixing himself another coffee and settling in at his desk.

Until he heard a scritchy-scratchy noise coming from his bedroom.

Right. The stupid cat.

“Obie,” Sebastian muttered, setting his mug down and standing up, marching towards the door. “If you’re clawing my pillow again, I swear—”

He pushed open the bedroom door.

Obie froze mid-scratch, perched atop Sebastian’s unmade bed, pillow beneath his claws.

"For fucks sake…" Sebastian muttered, wandering over and scooping up the cat.

He settled Obie in his lap back at his desk with a few scratches before sighing, taking one more sip of coffee and opening up his emails.

Cross-referencing his calendar and deadlines, Sebastian had to work out a bug with the walking mechanics in the game. He groaned and ran a hand through his hair. The bug had been stubborn all month, refusing to cooperate no matter what he did. The character would simply slide through walls or jitter like it had a mind of its own.

Other game company's would just let that shit slide, but not Arcadia. Nope, he'd joined the most meticulous and pedantic indie game studio ever. Which he appreciated as a consumer and game enjoyer, but as a programmer… not so much. But still, Sebastian enjoyed a challenge, so he set a timer, promising himself he'd have it fixed before the alarm went off and he had to go pick up Elle from school.

Sebastian leaned back in his chair, balancing Obie on his lap and opening the movement script, squinting at the lines of code that had been sitting there untouched for days.

Line by line, he traced the the input detection, velocity calculations, collision handling. Everything looked fine, or at least it did until he ran the stupid simulation once more before touching any part of the code in case it had mysteriously fixed itself in his absence.

The avatar immediately slid through the wall again.

"Fucks sake…" Sebastian muttered.

For the next few hours, Sebastian adjusted numbers, rewrote small chunks of code, and tested over and over and over until his eyes were practically crossed.

He was about to give up. It was hurting his brain. After one more tiny little adjustment, he hit 'run' once more and, halle-fucking-lujah, the dude clung to the wall like it was supposed to without clipping.

Finally. Fucking finally.

Now that's done, I might have time to tidy up a little before I have to get Elle—

His phone buzzed from the desk.

Alarm

God fucking dammit.

“Of course,” he muttered to himself, knocking Obie off his lap and half-running towards the door to put his shoes on and grab his keys.

He power-walked most of the way to the school because he hated being late. Not that he was ever late to pick her up, he just hated having to nudge past everyone to find Elle. Getting there with ten minutes to spare meant he didn't have to.

Finally once the bell rang, Elle found him with ease, sprinting up to him and giving him the bear hug of all bear hugs.

"Missed you, baby," Sebastian whispered, kissing her on the top of the head.

Elle giggled, reciprocated his hug, then pulled back, yanking her backpack off her shoulders. “Daddy! I drew something today!”

She dug into her backpack and triumphantly pulled out a crumpled piece of paper.

Sebastian smiled, crouching slightly so he could get a better look, "Alright, let's see it.

Elle unfurled it and held it out proudly. "See? It's a unicorn family."

"There's only two unicorns?" Sebastian asked.

"Yeah. A daddy unicorn and a baby unicorn. A family."

Oh.

Sebastian got it. Finally.

"It's great, baby. You forgot Obie though," he winked.

Elle pressed her palm to her face.

"Don't worry," Sebastian said, ruffling her hair before helping her fold up the paper and placing it back into her bag carefully. "You can finish it when we get home."

Once they got there, Elle practically sprinted to the coffee table in the living room that had become her makeshift art station. Sebastian swore he'd get a place big enough for her to have a desk of her own one day.

She pulled out her crayons and pencils and got to work while Sebastian went about fixing her an afternoon snack.

Sliced apples, peanut butter to dip and some sneaky choc-chip cookies would suffice.

He set the plate down beside her, and she grabbed a slice of apple immediately, munching happily as she went back to coloring cat-Obie’s horn and wings.

Just as Sebastian settled into the sofa, grabbing an apple slice of his own, a knock at the front door had him startled.

He glanced at the clock and frowned. Packages were never delivered that late in the day, besides, he wasn't expecting any.

He figured it was probably someone looking for another apartment since he hadn't actually buzzed whoever it was into the building.

Sebastian set his apple down slowly as they knocked on the door again.

"Alright, alright. I'm coming," he called out with a huff.

He walked over, opened the door—and froze.

"Sebastian Evans?"

"Yes?"

"I'm Paula Whittaker from the Whittaker Law Firm, my client—"

No fucking way.

He looked over 'Paula's' shoulder and there stood Emma. Stupid, fucking Emma.

Sebastian felt sick. His head started to spin.

How could she? How could she?

For months, Sebastian had flipped his entire life upside down to care for Emma's daughter, his daughter. He never questioned her, never chased her down for money or anything and now, here she was, banging his door down with a lawyer and… a sheriff?

"—is here to take back custody of her daughter, Elodie Evans."

"Her daughter?" Sebastian found himself spitting.

Suddenly, Elle's voice called out, stopping him from either passing out cold or simply attempting to fist-fight them all.

"Daddy? Are you okay?"

"Y—yeah, baby, just… stay there, okay?" Sebastian called over his shoulder.

"As I was saying," Paula restarted with a soft clearing of her throat, "Emma has parental rights over this child. Since you haven't got any custody plans in place, Emma has seeked out her own and Elodie has been placed with her biological mother immediately. I have the court order right here.”

Sebastian’s heart pounded as the lawyer thrust a bunch of papers in his direction.

“No. No, this isn’t happening,” he muttered, pushing the papers back in her direction. “You can’t just come here and take her. She lives here, she’s my fucking daughter! Emma hasn't had any contact with her for months! She's… she's happy here!”

The sheriff stepped forward and held out his hand like he was warning Sebastian. “Sir, I need you to comply. This is an official order given by the Children's and Families Court of Zuzu City.”

“Daddy… what’s happening?”

Fuck. Elle had wandered over and was tugging at the bottom of Sebastian's shirt.

Sebastian crouched quickly beside her, stroking her cheek. “Baby, these are just some people who need to talk to me for a little bit, alright? Everything’s okay. Just… go back to your crayons.”

“But Daddy—” Elle started.

"Elle!" Emma called out, stepping forward with a grin on her face. "Hi, sweetie! Haven't you missed me!"

Elle froze between them, confused, frightening and her fist grabbed Sebastian's shirt tighter. “Daddy… why is she here?”

Emma’s grin faltered, but she slowly shook her head and forced a smile back on her face. “I’m your mommy, Elle. I just want to take you home with me where you belong. Everything will be fine, I promise.”

"No. Elle stays here, with me. You left her, Emma. You didn't say a fucking word and left her. You cannot do this!" Sebastian argued.

“Mr. Evans," Miss Fancy-Pants-Lawyer said, "I understand your concerns, but the court order is clear. You are required to relinquish the child immediately. Resisting could—”

Sebastian’s eyes darted to the sheriff, “I’m not resisting. But she’s six! She needs stability and Emma can't give that to her!"

“Daddy… don’t let them take me…” Elle whispered, pressing her face into his leg.

Emma frowned at the sight, “Sebastian… this isn’t up for debate. I’m her mother, and the law is on my side.”

Sebastian shook his head, feeling the rising panic in his throat. “You abandoned her! You’ve done nothing for months! She doesn’t even know you anymore! I’ve been raising her every day since then without question and now you just show up with a lawyer and a cop and expect me to nod and smile and let you take her away?”

The sheriff cleared his throat, “Sir, I need compliance. If you continue to refuse, I will—”

“Elle,” Sebastian whispered, holding her closer and ignoring the threats. “I need you to be brave, okay? Daddy’s not letting anything happen to you. I'll… I'll fight for you, okay?"

Before Elle could say anything else, even hug or kiss Sebastian, Emma had grabbed a hold of her arm and pried her from Sebastian.

Elle’s small body went rigid and she let out a squeak, her tiny hands flailing as she tried to reach for Sebastian.

“Let me go! Daddy! Don’t let her take me!” she screamed, tears streaming down her face.

Sebastian lunged forward to grab her, but the sheriff stepped in instantly, firmly holding him back. “Sir! Step back!”

“No! She’s six! She doesn’t understand! She’s my daughter!” Sebastian yelled, but he quickly realised he couldn't fight. Not if he wanted a chance of ever getting Elle back.

“Elle, baby, you look at me! Daddy’s always here!”

“I don’t want to go!" Elle bellowed, her tiny fists banging on Emma's back. "I want Daddy!”

“Elle, honey, I’m your mommy. You’ll be fine. Come on now.” Emma cooed, rather unsuccessfully.

“Please…" Sebastian began to beg, getting desperate. "Please! She can’t be taken like this! She doesn’t even understand what’s happening! What about her stuff?”

Elle looked at him with wide, panicked eyes as Emma began to walk back towards the lifts. “Daddy, don’t let them take me!”

It was too late. Emma and Miss Lawyer had turned their backs, Elle's panicked, wide eyes and tear-streaked face the only thing Sebastian could see until they turned the corner and went out of sight.

But the sheriff remained, watching Sebastian carefully, though Sebastian swore he saw a flicker of pity in his eyes for a brief moment.

“Elle, I love you so much, okay? I love you! I love you," he called out, hearing nothing but her sobs until they were in the lift, heading back to go who-knows-where.

When the sheriff finally left and Sebastian shut the door with a slam, sinking down it until he was practically a sobbing puddle on the floor, he only had one thought.

I wish I took her to Sam's stupid gig.

Chapter Text

"I need to be alone."

Elle didn't like her room.

She liked being close to Daddy at night. When she had a bad dream or couldn't fall asleep, Daddy was always there to help her and make her feel better. When she needed a drink, he could pass her the cup of water. When she needed to go to the toilet, he was there to help her get there in the dark.

Mommy said that having her own room meant she was a big girl and that she had worked very hard to make sure her new home had a room just for Elle to have to herself.

Elle didn't want to be sad, she could tell Mommy was so excited about it, but she was.

There were no toys, at least none Elle liked. They were all at Daddy's. She had a baby doll in a toy cradle in the corner, two books that Elle knew were for babies. There was no paper, no crayons. Nothing she liked at all.

Elle sat on the edge of her new bed staring at the wall. Mommy had painted it pink, a soft, pale pink that made her think of strawberry milk. But while Elle did like pink, her favourite milk was chocolate.

The bed wasn't against the wall like it was at Daddy's, her new bed was right in the middle of the room. Elle didn't like that either, because on her wall at Daddy's there was little stars he'd stuck there that glowed in the night in case she woke up scared and needed a little light.

Here, there was just a white ceiling. No stars or shapes. No dull light.

Elle looked over at the doorway. The light from the hall made a bright stripe across the floor, but the rest of the room was dark.

She slid off the bed and padded over to the door nervously, creaking it open and peeking out. Mommy was in the living room, sitting on the couch with her phone in her hand. The TV was on but turned down quiet.

“Mommy?” Elle whispered.

Mommy looked up, smiling softly over her shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

“I can’t sleep.”

“It’s only been a few minutes,” Mommy said gently. “It takes time to get used to a new room, you know that. We've done it lots before, remember? Just go back and try again.”

Elle rubbed her sleepy eyes, “But it’s too dark.”

Mommy sighed and got up, walking over and guiding Elle back into her room. "Do you want me to leave your door open a little?”

Elle thought about it, but it wasn't what she wanted. Mommy didn't understand.

“I have glowing stars on my wall at Daddy's,” she murmured.

Mommy’s smile faltered for a second, but then she brushed a hand over Elle’s cheek. “Don't worry about him. I'll get you some stars.”

Elle nodded, but her stomach felt sick at the way Mommy dismissed Daddy. “Okay.”

“Good girl,” Mommy whispered, kissing the top of her head. “Now go back to sleep, alright?"

Elle nodded and Mommy went back to the couch, but Elle couldn't sleep. Her favourite stuffy was still at Daddy's. Maybe he was busy and didn't notice Obie scratching at it. Maybe stuffy was broken, a mess of fluffy innards on the floor.

She began to cry.

She wanted her bed, in Daddy's room, with stuffy. But really, she just wanted Daddy.

The guilty feeling ate Elle alive all night. She knew she needed to be grateful. She knew she loved Mommy before, but she struggled to find the feelings she knew she should have.

Elle turned over in bed, again and again. Every sound in the new home was strange. She couldn't hear the distant hum of cars in the background. Instead, she heard a particularly annoying bird cooing in a tree despite the fact it was definitely night time and birds usually slept at night time.

She swiped at her eyes with the back of her hand, trying to stop the tears before Mommy heard them. She didn’t want Mommy to be sad again. Last time Mommy was sad, she left Elle with Daddy. She wanted to go back to Daddy, but Mommy didn't always take Elle to the same people. What if she took her to a new Daddy?

But Elle didn't want a new Daddy, she wanted Sebastian Daddy. So she cried softly into her pillow.

She didn’t know when she fell asleep. Maybe it was after she’d cried too much to keep her eyes open. Her dreams weren’t nice. They were dark and she could hear Daddy's voice, but she couldn’t find him.

Every night was the same. Crying softly, no stuffy, waiting for Daddy. But when Monday morning came, and Elle knew it was Monday because Mommy took her from Daddy's on a Friday afternoon and that was three sleeps ago, she wasn't told to get ready for school. Instead, Mommy was on the couch again, using her phone.

"Mommy?" Elle asked carefully. "What should I wear to school?"

Mommy's face went funny.

"Oh, right… school," Mommy replied. "I'll, uh, get you enrolled later."

"But I want to go to the school Daddy takes me to."

"What have I told you about talking about him?"

Uh oh. Mommy was mad.

Elle froze and her fingers twisted in the hem of her pajama top as she looked down at the carpet.

“I'm sorry, Mommy” she whispered.

Mommy sighed, but it didn’t sound like she was sorry back. “I just don’t want you getting mixed up, that’s all. Things are different now and you live here with me again. Sebast—Dad was only ever temporary. I just needed time to get things ready for you.”

Elle’s stomach felt funny again. The kind of funny that made her not want to eat breakfast at all.

“But… Daddy said I’d go back to school this week,” she said carefully. “He told Mrs Carter I would be there when he picked me up. I didn't get to finish my project. Daddy was going to help me and—”

"Elodie May! Enough!" Mommy hissed.

Elle retreated and nodded, then went back to her room and sat on the edge of her bed. She sat very still, staring at her hands in her lap. Her eyes stung, but she didn’t cry because that made her tummy and chest hurt more, and she didn't want it to hurt more.

She just wanted Daddy.

Chapter Text

"All I know is that it feels like forever when no one ever tells you that forever feels like home sitting all alone inside your head."
 

Sebastian wasn't sure how long he stayed on the floor for after the door clicked shut.

His chest was still heaving and his eyes were stinging and blurry. His throat hurt, his ribs ached.

What the fuck?

Trying to fathom how someone could abandon their child for almost six months then decide they want a court order to take her back was hurting his brain and heart.

He'd flipped everything in his life, turned it totally upside down for this girl he barely knew, built a bond, gave her a good life, only for it to be ripped away from him in two seconds flat.

Why the fuck hadn't he thought to apply for permanent custody first? Blissful ignorance, he figured.

He pressed his palms against his face, forcing himself to calm down enough to think of what to do, any plan, something other than pain.

But, God, those screams. The way Elle was kicking and screaming against her mother to stay, called out for Sebastian at the top of her lungs until she was out of the building. Sebastian couldn't stop hearing it over, and over, and over, torturing him.

And then, between the sobs and the tears and the replaying it over in his head, he realised had to tell everyone. Again.

First, it was breaking the news to everyone that he had a daughter. Now, not even six months later, he was telling them all she'd been taken away. That made it worse. Not only had he built a relationship with Elle, which was a given as her biological father, all of his family and friends had too.

While Sam wasn't going to be the best person to ask for advice about what to do, Sam did know how to keep Seb level-headed and focused when he was about to spiral.

Sebastian grabbed his phone with shaking hands and bleary eyes and scrolled through his contacts until he found Sam’s name and pressed call.

It rang three times before Sam picked up.

“Hey, man. I've only got a few minutes before I'm due to go on stage. What's up?”

“She’s gone,” Sebastian managed to choke out. “Elle’s gone.”

There was silence on the other end.

“What do you mean she’s gone?” Sam asked eventually, clearly trying not to sound panicked because Sebastian's choice of wording, not that Seb cared how he sounded at that point, hinted at the worst case scenarios.

“Emma showed up with a court order. She came with a lawyer and a sheriff, dude. A fucking sheriff! She literally ripped her from me, she… Elle, she was screaming for me and… fuck, I can't breathe."

“Whoa, okay, Seb. Breathe. Just slow it down for me, yeah? In through your nose, out through your mouth. Slowly."

Sebastian tried, but it came out heavy and broken around the sobs he couldn't stop.

“She was crying for me, Sam. Kicking, screaming, begging her mom not to take her. I couldn’t—” He choked again. “I couldn’t do anything. They had a fucking court order. I just had to stand there and watch while she got ripped out of my arms.”

He heard rustling on the other end, then the background noise went quiet like he'd moved spots. “Okay, listen. I don’t care about the show, I’m leaving now. Where are you?”

Sebastian squeezed his eyes shut as the tears fell and shook his head. “At home.”

“Good. Stay there. I’ll be twenty, maybe twenty-five minutes.”

“Sam, you don’t have to—”

“I’m coming,” Sam interrupted him. “You shouldn’t be alone right now.”

The call ended before Sebastian could argue and tell him to play his gig. He let the phone drop onto the floor beside him and leaned back against the door, not able to move at all, because if he did, he'd see evidence of Elle everywhere. The toys on the floor, the art and craft on the table, her clothes draped over the dining chairs to dry.

He couldn't look at it.

When the knock finally came at the door, bumping Seb's head around as he rested against it, he still didn't move. It took Sam calling his name three times before Sebastian dragged himself to his feet and opened it.

Sam stood there still in the clothes he wore when he performed. Black jeans, a half-unbuttoned blue shirt that gave just a tiny peep of his golden chest hair, a tiny bit of eyeliner smudged under his eyes, but instead of being the usual, perky Sam he was, he looked like he was on the verge of tears himself.

“Fuck, man.” Sam said, stepping forward and pulling him into a hug without even considering Sebastian was not usually the hugging type. “I’m so sorry.”

Sebastian just stood there, hands limp at his sides as Sam rubbed his back, but then something cracked, and he threw himself around Sam, clutching his jacket like he was drowning and it was the only thing keeping him afloat.

“I don’t know what to do,” he sobbed into Sam’s shoulder.

Sam exhaled, then squeezed him tighter. "I know, dude. I know. We will work it out, I promise. She belongs here, with you."

"I should have taken her to your gig, Sam. Then this wouldn't have happened."

Sam sighed, "Look, I don't know much about court orders, but I know they would have found you anyway. They always do. You can’t outrun something like that. And it’s not your fault.”

Sebastian shook his head, still clinging to Sam’s jacket. “But I didn’t even fight for her, Sam. I just stood there like an idiot while they took her away. She was begging me, and I just… I froze. What kind of dad does that?”

“The kind who didn’t have a choice,” Sam said firmly. “You didn’t freeze, Seb. You were blindsided and you absolutely did the right thing. Fighting them would have ruined your chances of getting her back.”

"Get her back…" Sebastian repeated sarcastically into Sam's shoulder with a sniff.

"Hey, no, don't do that," Sam said, pulling away from Seb and placing his hands on his shoulders. "We will get her back. You just need—"

"What? A lawyer? I can't fucking afford that, Sam! I blew every bit of savings I had moving here. Then, I get a some built up again and suddenly I'm someone's dad. I'll never complain, but fuck, Emma screwed me over. I had no insurance, nothing for Elle at all! Chasing her medical history and playing catch up with it cost me hundreds! Getting her everything she needed cost me thousands!"

Sam nodded slowly because everything Sebastian was saying was true. Every word. Every single bit of it.

“I know,” Sam said quietly. “I know she fucked you over big time. But listen, man, none of that matters right now. Money, insurance, lawyers, whatever. We'll figure something out later but for now, you just need to get out of the doorway. Maybe sit down on the sofa and I'll order some food for us."

"I can't fucking eat right now, I'll throw up," Sebastian muttered.

"Don't be like that, come on. Elle's okay, Seb. I know she is. That kid adores you. And Emma, well, I've got a lot of choice words for her but she wouldn't hurt her own daughter.”

Sebastian looked at him and frowned. “You one hundred percent sure about that?”

Sam hesitated for a second, then bit his lip. "Well—

Sebastian scoffed, wiping his nose on the back of his hand. “Yeah. That’s what I thought.”

Sam sighed, “Okay, so maybe I’m not sure about that. But what I am sure of is that Elle’s smart. She’s brave as shit. You've said all of that yourself, a million times. It's all you ever talk about. How brave she is, how smart she is, how well she's adjusted. She's your Wonder Woman.”

That earned the smallest flicker of a smile from Sebastian, who looked down at the floor and sniffed, "Yeah. She is."

Sam nudged him lightly with his elbow. “See? There he is. That’s the guy who’s gonna get her back.”

“I don’t even know where to start, Sam. I’ve never dealt with court shit before. I don’t even know what kind of lawyer I need. Family? Custody? Whatever the hell it’s called—”

"Talk to Shane."

"What?" Sebastian asked, confused. "Shane?"

"Yeah. I'm pretty sure he had to go through it all when he got custody of Jas. Heard him talking to mom about it before when they were picking Jas and Vince up from school."

Sebastian blinked, trying to focus, his brain still fogged from crying. “Like Shane Shane?”

“How many Shane's you know with a kid called Jas?” Sam chuckled, nodding. “But anyway, he went through this whole nightmare because I'm pretty sure Jas' parents hadn't made up a will before they died. Apparently it was messy as shit, but he came out on top anyway so he'll know the right lawyer.”

Sebastian stared at him. "I can't—"

"Seb, don't worry about the money right now!" Sam sighed. "Come on, go to bed if you're not gonna eat. You should rest."

Rest? Not a chance. Not when Elle's bed was right there. The strawberry sheets, the little glowy stars on the wall, her stuffy sitting in the corner of her bed, waiting for her.

Sebastian’s throat tightened and the feelings came crashing down on him all over again. “I can’t, Sam,” he said quietly, trying hard not to let his lip quiver. “I can’t sleep in there. I can’t even look in there.”

Sam’s expression softened. “It's okay. You can sleep on the couch. I’ll stay for a bit, okay? Just lay down."

Sebastian shook his head, even though he was already automatically letting Sam guide him to the sofa. "You should be playing on stage right now. If you leave now, you can probably make it back for the second half."

"Are you fucking kidding? I'm not going anywhere." Sam grabbed the blanket draped over the back of the couch and threw it over Sebastian's legs. “The bar can survive without me for one night. You, on the other hand, clearly can’t be left alone right now.”

Sebastian sank down into the couch cushions, the blanket pooling uselessly in his lap. His hands were shaking again and no amount of clenching his fists was making it stop. “I don’t even know what to do with myself. Every night for months it’s been make dinner, eat it together, give her a bath, read her stories, sing her songs until she falls asleep… I don’t even know how to be in this apartment without her.”

Sam just nodded and pulled the blanket up and over Seb, gently nudging him to lay down on his side. Sebastian complied and once his head hit the cushion, he closed his eyes and let out a loud sob.

"I know. This shit sucks… you can cry if you need to. I'll be right here," Sam cooed, tucking the blanket over his shoulder.

Seb did cry. He cried a lot. He cried so hard his eyes felt swollen and heavy, but thankfully it was enough to make him drift off to sleep from exhaustion.

When he woke up, it was because there was sunlight trickling in through the open window, caressing his face.

He sat up and winced as his head throbbed, grabbing at his temples. And then he noticed Sam, curled up in a ball on the floor, pillow-less, blanket-less and snoring silently.

Sebastian blinked a few times and for a moment, he forgot. He forgot why Sam was there, he forgot why the blanket was draped over him, and he forgot why he was waking up on his own accord and not with Elle in his face demanding food. And then it hit him like a freight train.

His stomach dropped. He swallowed hard and realised how sore his throat was.

He pressed his palms to his eyes and groaned quietly. “Fuck...”

Sam stirred, snorting softly before blinking awake. He stretched up high, bones audibly popping back into place, then looked up groggily. “Hey."

"Hi," Sebastian managed to mumble back. "You didn't have to stay. You should have left. You're allergic to Obie."

"As if. You needed me. And I took an antihistamine, I'm prepared now."

"Then you should have slept in my bed."

"Eh," Sam shrugged, pushing himself up off the floor and wandering to the kitchen. "Black coffee, yeah?"

Sebastian nodded.

"You haven't changed a bit," Sam laughed.

Sam flicked the kettle on and leaned against the counter, arms folded as he studied Sebastian from across the room who still hadn't moved from the couch. Seb looked like shit. His already dark eye bags were exacerbated ten-fold, he was slumped over with his hands in his messy hair, looking like he was trying to hold himself together.

“Alright,” Sam said finally. “You can’t sit here all weekend staring at walls and torturing yourself. You’ll go crazy.”

Sebastian didn’t respond. He just stared down at the blanket still in his lap and blinked.

Sam poured two mugs of coffee, setting one down in front of Sebastian on the coffee table before sitting next to him. “So,” he continued casually, “how do you feel about going home for the weekend?”

Seb blinked up at him. “What?”

"You know, go home. Pelican Town. Might help you get your mind off it all."

Sebastian stared at him like he’d grown a second head. “Are you kidding? You want me to leave?”

“It's not forever, man,” Sam said quickly clarified. “Just for a night or two. Might do good to clear your head, breathe some fresh air.”

Seb rubbed at his temples. “I can’t go on a little weekend getaway right now, Sam. My kid was just—” His voice cracked, and he broke off with a frustrated exhale. “Elle’s gone, and I’m supposed to go home where everyone is in each others business and pretend that everything’s fine?”

“You don't have to pretend everything's fine,” Sam reassured him. “But you can’t fight for Elle if you're like this and staying in this apartment looking at all of her stuff won't help.”

Sebastian just stared into his coffee and swirled it a little before swallowing hard.

“Look,” Sam continued, “I know you don’t want to go. But sitting here isn’t helping. You won't eat, you haven’t slept properly. Just come home for the weekend. You’ll get some quiet, talk to Shane, maybe get some advice about the custody stuff."

Sebastian hated to admit Sam was right. It would do him no use to sit there and spiral all weekend… and he sure could use some free legal advice. Even if it was from Shane.

"Alright, fine. Let me pack a bag and I'll drive us down on the bike," Sebastian conceded.

Sebastian hadn't ridden his bike in months. He'd be surprised if it even started. In fact, he'd even been seriously considering selling the thing to get a bit more money for Elle and he may still have to if he wanted to pay for a good lawyer. Maybe driving it one last time through the windy roads of Stardew Valley would at least remind him of a time when life felt simpler.

He got up and packed his backpack slowly, not even knowing what to bring. A few shirts, he could probably get away with wearing the same one pair of jeans, his toothbrush… Elle's stuffy (just in case). He tucked the stuffy carefully into his bag between the shirts for safe keeping, shrugged on his leather jacket and slipped the backpack on.

By the time he walked back into the living room, Sam was leaning against the doorframe expectantly.

"Ready?" Sebastian asked.

Sam nodded and opened the front door, letting Sebastian leave first, but not before he knocked on the door of the next door apartment, asking his quite elderly neighbour, Doris, to keep an eye on Obie while he was gone.

Downstairs, the bike coughed at least three times before the engine finally turned over, thank God.

Sebastian slid forward, making way for Sam as they secured their helmets and Sam climbed on behind him, giving his shoulder a reassuring squeeze as Sebastian kicked the bike into gear and began to leave, weaving through the streets of the city.

Neither of them spoke as they went, Sam just held onto Sebastian's waist loosely and let the ride fill the silence. Sounds of traffic, beeping horns, hissing brakes until it finally began to thin out. The roads widened, the trees thickened and the general buzz of the city changed to trees whistling and birds chirping.

When Sebastian finally laid eyes on the "Welcome to Stardew Valley" sign on the highway, he almost cried. But crashing and dying was entirely not on the cards, so Sebastian blinked them away and focused on the tarmac ahead.

He focused hard until they pulled up near Sam's house, where Sebastian decided he was going to stay, not with his mother, or to be more specific, in the basement.

"We'll drop the bags off and head straight to the saloon," Sam said, wandering inside where, thankfully, no one seemed to be home, which meant he didn't have to field any questions he didn't want to yet.

Once Sam had pulled out the old air mattress from the cupboard and blew it up, tossing some old blankets on it, Sebastian placed his backpack on top of it then left, making the long walk to town.

It was getting colder, a sign that winter was well and truly on the way. In fact, it was less than a month away, and the cold chill in the air, knowing he wouldn't be bringing Elle back to Pelican Town for the Winter Star feast had his eyes prickling with tears again.

Nope. Focus. Business visit.

Sebastian shook away the bad, bad thoughts and wandered into the saloon, finding it surprisingly not that busy for a Saturday. He supposed it was only just past lunch time, but at least the man he was looking for was there.

Shane sat in the corner cradling a beer, sitting right next to the roaring fire.

"I'll order us some pizzas for lunch, yeah?" Sam said, tapping Sebastian on the shoulder and wandering off in the direction of the main bar.

That left Sebastian standing there with his mind and heart racing in sync.

How would he even approach such a thing?

"Hey Shane, you've dealt with the law before, right?"

"So, Jas, huh? Hard to get custody?"

"Lawyer name, gimme!"

Sebastian shook his head. No, a peace offering was the way to go.

He approached Emily drying some beer steins behind the counter with a cloth and ordered two beers. Sebastian hated beer, but he had to at least attempt to look relatable, right?

With disgusting brews in hand, he turned and wandered in Shane's direction. Shane looked up when he heard the approaching footsteps and Sebastian watched a faint smile grow on his lips when he realised the beer was for him.

"You know the way to a guy's heart, don't you?" Shane chuckled, taking the beer from Sebastian's extended hand and placing it down on the bar next to him.

"Sure," Sebastian agreed. "Mind if I sit?" he gestured towards the empty bar stool.

Shane shrugged, "Free country."

Sebastian sat and placed the beer in front of himself, fingers tracing the condensation. For a very long and awkward moment, neither of them said anything. Sebastian would have, if he'd thought of anything to say.

“So,” Shane said eventually, breaking the silence, much to Sebastian's relief. "You got a kid now, yeah?"

Sebastian swallowed thickly. "Y—yeah, uh, yeah. I do."

"Cool. Where is she?"

Alright, jumping right in, then…

"Oh, she's, uh… with her mom," Sebastian said, trying desperately hard to keep his voice steady and not break ten minutes into his venture back home.

"I thought her mom dumped her with you and left."

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

"She—um, yeah. She did."

Don't fucking cry, dickhead!

"Woah, hey, sorry, I didn't mean to upset you," Shane said, placing his hands up in surrender. "I take it you don't want her to be with her mom then?"

"No, I don't."

Ugh. Sebastian hated that all people had to do was take one look at him and he was falling apart.

Shane frowned, leaning back on his stool a little. “That bad, huh?”

"Yeah," Sebastian tried to force out a laugh rather than an embarrassing sob. “You could say that.”

Shane narrowed his eyes, then gave Sebastian a once over. “You look like shit. Like… more than usual.”

“Thanks,” Sebastian muttered, rubbing the back of his neck. “I haven’t exactly been sleeping much.”

“Yeah. Can tell.” Shane took a swig of beer before continuing. “She take the kid all legal-like?”

Sebastian nodded. “Yeah, turned up with a court order, lawyer, sheriff… the whole deal.”

“Shit,” Shane mumbled, letting out a long, low whistle. “That’s rough.”

“Yep.”

The silence fell over them again and Sebastian's attention fell back to his own untouched beer, tapping the glass mindlessly over and over again.

Finally, Shane, bless his green rubber crocs, was the one to break the silence again, “You fightin’ it?”

“I… I don’t even know how. I don’t have a lawyer or anything… or any clue of where to start.”

Shane nodded and swigged at his beer again. “Yup, been there.”

Sebastian glanced up at him, “Yeah, Sam mentioned that. He said you had to fight for Jas.”

“Yup. Her parents died unexpectedly and suddenly there were all these people deciding who she belonged to. Social workers, lawyers, fuckin' strangers. It was hell. But… it was doable.”

"Obviously you won, then."

“Yeah. Took me months and every bit of money I didn’t have. Had to borrow off Aunt Marn' and a few other people. But I did it with one of the best lawyers in town."

"Do you think you could give me the details? I'm not sure how I'll afford it but it's worth I shot, I guess," Sebastian asked hopefully.

Shane nodded and reached across the bar, grabbing a napkin then claiming a pen from Emily. He scribbled down some scrawl then folded up the napkin, slipping it into Sebastian's hand.

Sebastian glanced down at the napkin then swiftly shoved it in his pocket. “Thanks. I owe you one.”

Shane shook his head. “Nah. You don’ owe me a damn thing, except maybe that untouched beer of yours. Next time, just talk to me. I don' need a bribe, Evans."

Sebastian snorted a short laugh and nodded in agreement, sliding the beer stein across the bar. He thanked Shane once more and headed out to go and find Sam and take the pizzas back to his house, but stopped for a brief moment to check out the napkin.

He unfurled it, squinting to read what Shane had written, firstly because it was messy as shit, and second because he swore what he was reading was Harry Pearson.

"No fucking way…" Sebastian mumbled.

Of course. Of course Emma's brother was the best lawyer in town.

Of. Fucking. Course.

Chapter Text

"Stare at the ceiling with a steady gaze, tossing and turning while the shuffle plays"

"Look, I'm so sorry this is happening, Sebastian, but I can't, in good faith, represent you."

"I figured that was the case," Sebastian said with a sigh.

It had taken him days to work up the courage to call Harry and explain the cluster fuck that had been the last week of his life. And, shocking absolutely no one, Harry had no idea what Emma was doing.

"I don't want to leave you in the lurch, though. The partner of my firm is just as good, if not more qualified to take on family law cases. I'll give him your details and a rundown of the situation, if that’s alright with you,” Harry continued. “He’s good, Sebastian. You’ll be in good hands.”

Sebastian pinched the bridge of his nose, nodding even though Harry definitely couldn’t see him through the phone. “Yeah. Sure. That’s fine."

"Great. His name is Adam Parker…"

Sebastian scrambled to grab a scrap piece of paper from his desk, then struggled to find a pen, finally locating the items buried deep in the desk drawer after shoving aside a mess of unopened mail and receipts until he found a half-dried ballpoint.

“I’ll text you his direct contact as well, but write this number down in case. He’s with Pearson & Parker Group," duh? "he specialises in family law. You won’t find anyone more experienced in Zuzu City. Well, except for myself.”

Sebastian scribbled the number across the back of an old electricity bill. “Got it,” he said, even though he wasn’t sure if he did because his handwriting was barely legible through the panic to actually get the number down.

"I'll get him to call you straight away," Harry said. "And for what it's worth, I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"For my cunt of a sister."

That earned a deep laugh out of Sebastian, one he hadn't heard from himself in God knows how long, "Harry!"

"What? She is! First, she dumps my niece with a random stranger and just when I get my head around that and realise it's the best place for her to be, she changes her fucking mind!"

“You can’t say that about your own sister.”

“I just did,” Harry shot back. “And I stand by it. She’s out of her goddamn mind. And I'll tell her that to her face if the dumbass ever tries to contact me for legal advice. I'm just glad I heard what happened from you first."

“You’d really turn her away if she called you?”

“Absolutely,” Harry said without hesitation. “I might be a lawyer, but I was her brother first. She made her bed and now she can lie in it because you've got the best legal representation in town.”

Way to toot your own horn…

“Yeah,” Sebastian agreed. "But it's not just her, she's dragged Elle right into it too.”

Harry’s voice lost the stern smugness to it, softening just a little. “I know. And I hate it. Elle doesn’t deserve this, none of it. She's innocent and she deserves stability.”

Sebastian nodded silently, then sighed, pen tapping against the desk. “Do you think Elle misses me?” he finally asked.

“Of course she does. You’re her dad. She’s a smart kid and she knows who is really in her corner.”

“I just hate not knowing how she is,” Sebastian said quietly. “Whether she’s eating, if she’s sleeping okay… if she’s scared. I hate it.”

Harry exhaled deeply on the other end. “Yeah. She’s a tough kid, though. She has to be. You probably helped shape that too.”

Sebastian rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hand, praying the tears with leave for the umpteenth time that week. “Pretty good at knowing what to say, huh?”

“That’s what happens when you’re the least dysfunctional sibling."

Sebastian snorted a laugh. “Low bar, though.”

“The lowest,” Harry agreed. "But hey, you slept with her."

"Ouch?"

Harry chuckled, "My sister’s a nightmare, but I'm associated with her through no choice of my own. But you? You’ve got terrible taste.”

"Hey, without me you wouldn't even have a niece!"

Sebastian could physically hear Harry shrug, "Eh. I don't know. Maybe the father could have been some other random dude…"

Sebastian let out another rare laugh. “Wow. Thanks.”

Harry snorted. “What? I’m just saying, you make questionable choices. You met her in a bar, Sebastian. A bar.”

"And? She was a bartender! She gave me free drinks!"

"So you're that easy, huh?"

"Oh my God, Harry…"

Harry was still laughing when Sebastian groaned but he had to admit, it felt good to laugh, even if it was only for a fleeting moment.

“Alright, alright,” Harry finally said, still chuckling. “I’ll lay off. But seriously, I’ll get Adam to give you a ring soon."

“Thanks, Harry. Really. You didn't have to help me."

"I do, it's what's best for Elle."

That made the very small glimpse of happiness he had disappear as quickly as it arrived.

Sebastian said quick goodbyes before he broke down and threw himself back into work as he so tended to do when he needed a distraction. He wasn't sure how many hours he put in, but his phone buzzing from the desk startled him.

Unknown number.

"Hello?"

"Hi! Sebastian? It's Adam, from the Pearson & Parker Group."

Sebastian sat up straighter and cleared his voice to try and sound somewhat composed and professional. “Uh—yeah… Adam. Hi. Thanks for calling.”

“No problem,” Adam said. “Harry gave me a brief overview, but I’d love to just get the gist of it from you, then we can arrange to meet."

Sebastian leaned back in his chair and ran a hand through his hair. “Right… yeah, okay. Well… it’s… complicated. Elodie, my daughter, her mom—my-ex… I mean, well… she's not really my ex, we just kind of… hooked up once and apparently I got her pregnant. I don't know if that's relevant, but one day she arranged to meet and then just disappeared, she left Elle with me and I was looking after her myself for six-ish months. Then her mom came back with a court order, all that stuff and just… took her. I didn't fight her because I figured it would ruin my chances at getting her back, but… I really need to. I need her here."

"Good, that's good. You seem smart. And no, I didn't need to know the frequency in which you slept with her mother, but that's okay."

Sebastian felt his face grow red and hot. “Yeah, sorry, I overshare when I’m nervous.”

Adam chuckled on the other end. “Don't worry, happens more often than you think. Anyway, sounds like you’ve been through it. But the good news is, I think we can do it. Family law is messy, but there's always a way.”

“Even when the mom’s got the upper hand?” Sebastian asked.

“Definitely,” Adam said. “The court like stability, and from what Harry told me, you’ve been Elle’s main caregiver for the past six months and the only consistency she's ever had in her life. That counts for a lot. But I’ll need to see whatever documentation you have. You know, texts, emails, bills, receipts, any proof you were supporting her. The more, the better.”

Sebastian nodded slowly, feeling weight of it all starting to press down on his chest. “Yeah, I can do that. I’ll pull together what I can tonight.”

“Great. I can meet tomorrow morning if you’re free? I have a bit of time. The office is in the city, but we can do it at a café if that’s easier.”

“Office is fine.”

“Perfect. I’ll text you the address. 9 a.m.?"

Sebastian agreed to the god-awful time and wrapped up the call… but then he realised he had less than 24 hours to gather everything. Every receipt, every photo, every text, every tiny scrap of proof that showed he’d been there and not just a stand-in for Emma while she sorted her life out.

Sebastian shoved away from his desk and wandered over to the living room, grabbing a box from under the couch where he’d shoved a bunch of crap, as the box was so lovingly named and labelled. Though now he was grateful he kept all the 'crap'. Bills from Dr. Harvey, Elle's vaccination catch-up schedule, school report card from her first semester, receipts for her bed, the sheets, her clothes… even a picture she'd drawn of the two of them with Obie. He figured it was all important to his case.

Filed away neatly in a folder, he left it on the kitchen bench, next to his bike keys so he wouldn't forget it, and tried to get some sleep.

Not that he ever did.

Morning came too quickly and he wandered out of bed all bleary eyed, making himself a coffee with only one eye open.

He downed it quickly then showered, got dressed, and threw on his best button-up shirt and pants. He didn't have a blazer or a jacket and figured he should probably acquire one for the next meeting if he wanted to make a good impression.

The clock was nudging eight when he grabbed his phone to put in his pocket.

Should get going, a bad father would be late.

The city was already awake when jumped on his bike and put it into gear, pulling out onto the streets. Horns blasting, brakes squealing, people rushing, the usual chaos he had to learn to adjust to when he moved there.

The Pearson & Parker Group building wasn't too far away. Just a nice and easy thirty minutes in stop-start traffic. Thankfully, he was still early.

He snagged a parking spot easier than he expected and made some measly attempt at taming his god-awful helmet hair before wandering into the building, finding a pretty, young receptionist smiling at her way too widely for how early it was.

"Hi," Sebastian introduced himself awkwardly. "I'm—"

"Sebastian!"

He turned to see a man who looked to be in his early thirties, tie loosened, coffee in hand, bounding through the doors, looking way too casual to be someone who worked in family law.

“I'm Adam,” Apparently-Adam said, shaking Sebastian's hand firmly. “Come on through. My office is free.”

Sebastian followed him into the lifts, engaging in small talk about where Sebastian lived, his career, blah blah blah until they reached a door with Adam's name across the front of it.

Adam pushed the door open and gestured for Sebastian to sit, taking the seat opposite.

Alright,” he said, leaning back in his chair. “Lay it on me.”

Sebastian opened his backpack and took out the folder, sliding it across the table. Adam opened it and began flipping through its contents with the occasional hum that gave absolutely Sebastian nothing to work with.

“Wow. You’ve kept all of this?” he asked after a few minutes, glancing up at Sebastian.

Sebastian nodded, “Yeah. I don't really know why. Guess I just couldn’t throw any of it out.”

“Well, this is good,” Adam said with a small approving nod as he continued sifting through the stuff. “Medical records, receipts, even her drawings… shows involvement. Consistency. Stability. It's all gold.”

"So you think I might actually have a shot at getting her back with me full-time?" Sebastian asked hopefully.

“I think you have more than a shot. I think you’ve been a good dad. And while courts do make it hard for dad's, you've gone above and beyond. She abandoned her kid. We've got this.”

For the first time in what felt like months, something close to hope flickered in Sebastian’s heart.

He nodded, swallowing hard. “Alright. What do I do next?”

“Well,” Adam said, flipping to a clean page in his notepad, “first, I'll take a $4,000 downpayment. Then, we’ll file a formal application for shared custody, or at least temporary primary care pending review. We’ll need to establish that removing Elle from your home was disruptive to her wellbeing.”

“And what about Emma?” Sebastian asked quietly.

Adam sighed. “That depends. If she’s cooperative, we can try mediation. If not… we fight.”

"Fight?"

"Yep. If mediation doesn't work or she doesn't agree to it, we have to take it to the courts. The whole shebang."

Mediation. There was no way Emma would do mediation. All Sebastian could see were dollar signs above Adam's head because he was quickly realising he was perhaps in way over his head (and bank account).

Sebastian’s throat tightened as Adam kept talking about timeframes, affidavits, a bunch of other legal jargon Sebastian would be looking up later, but the words just blurred together eventually. All he could focus on was that number. Four thousand dollars just to start.

He didn’t even have a thousand sitting in his account right now. Between rent, food, and trying to get some form of savings from freelancing, he was already struggling. And that was before Emma dumped Elle with him and he got a new job.

“Right,” Sebastian said after a long pause. “Yep. Hopefully we get the mediation then.”

Adam gave a nod, “Look, I get it. It’s a lot. But don’t panic. Most of my clients set up payment plans so we’ll figure something out. My goal’s not to bleed you dry, Sebastian. I want to get your daughter home to you as much as you do.”

Sebastian managed a weak smile. “That’s good, because I’m already about as dry as they come.”

"Then we'll make it work," Adam chuckled. "Alright, now leave all this with me and I'll sort through it later. Our first step is filing a response to Emma's court order and applying for parenting orders. Hopefully we'll be able to get you some contact with Elodie, even if it's only once a week."

Sebastian nodded, trying to hide the ache in his chest at hearing once a week.

Once a week felt like fucking crumbs after six months of breakfasts together, bedtime stories, school drop offs and pick ups, spending every weekend together, little getaways to Pelican Town. But crumbs were better than nothing and right now, nothing was all he had.

“Alright,” he said, trying hard not to sigh deeply. “Thanks, Adam. I appreciate it.”

“Hey,” Adam said, standing and walking around the desk to place what Sebastian figured was supposed to be a comforting hand on Sebastian's shoulder. “You’re doing the right thing. Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.”

Sebastian exhaled, forcing another smile. “Yeah. Thanks.”

He left Adam's office with a lighter backpack but he sure made up for that loss of weight with the heaviness in his head and chest. Then, he got on his bike for what was probably the last time.

Surely he'd get at least $4,000 for it… right?

Chapter Text

"I'd wait here forever just to see you smile"

Sebastian was always indifferent about the saloon in Pelican Town. He liked that he had a place he could see his friends, play pool, have a few drinks, but he did not like the fact that it was the only place in town where everyone else could do the same thing. And that included his mother.

Robin had been better. She was sympathetic towards Sebastian's woes, opening the basement up to him whenever he needed to get away from the city, but now all he wanted to do was talk to Sam without everyone's eyes on him.

If his mother was one thing, it was a gossip. So Sebastian figured everyone in town knew that not only was his illegitimate child taken away from him, he was also struggling to afford to get her back.

"How was the train ride?" Sam asked, pool cue tucked under his armpit as he lined up another shot.

"Fucking shit house," Sebastian mumbled in response.

Abigail scoffed from the sofa, "Aw, come on, Seb. It's not that bad."

"When did you last have to take the train from Zuzu to Stardew Valley?" Sebastian shot back.

Abby just frowned and flicked her hair out of her eyes.

"Exactly. So shut the fuck up."

"Ouch," she announced, standing up. "Icy. I'm getting a drink. Want one, asshole?"

Sebastian shook his head.

"Alright, suit yourself," Abby huffed, wandering off towards the bar.

Sam placed the pool cue down on the table and began to stare at Sebastian intently, which was almost intimidating.

"What's up your ass? It's almost Christmas!"

"Exactly. Christmas. I should have been here with Elle. Instead, she's with her mother god knows where doing god knows what."

"How has it been with Emma lately? Any luck?" Sam asked.

Sebastian shook his head again. "None. She has refused every attempt my team's made at mediation. Even the parenting orders she's ignored."

"That can't be good for her case, no?"

"Not at all. But, since she wants to be a stubborn jerk, it looks like this needs to go to the courts after all. I was hoping it wouldn't, this shit is costing me a fortune."

"Man, I'm sorry," Sam sighed.

Sebastian muttered a soft 'yeah' until silence settled over them, but then a gust of wind and a blur of green blew past him.

"Sammy!"

"Lexy!"

Oh. Ew. Blegh.

The green blob rounded the table and wrapped it's arms around Sam's waist, pulling him into a bear hug and smothering his cheek with kisses.

Sebastian turned his back and started to pick at his nails to avoid watching all of that.

"Sorry, Sebastian," Alex said, releasing Sam and clearing his throat. "How you been?"

"Fucking peachy," Sebastian grumbled in response.

Then another blur appeared beside him, a purple one this time. "Here," Abby said, sliding a glass in his direction. "You'll need it. Those two are fucking insufferable."

Sebastian huffed out a quiet laugh and picked up the glass, swirling the brown liquid in it lightly. “Did you poison it?”

“Only if you’re lucky,” she replied, pulling him towards the sofa with her own drink. “Seriously, though, every time those two are in the same room, I lose brain cells.”

Across the pool table, Alex and Sam were still laughing over something. Sam had gone red in the face, and Alex was now poking him in the ribs with the pool stick.

“See?” Abby said dryly. “Idiots in love.”

"Gross," Sebastian scoffed, taking a sip of what he now realised was whiskey.

“Hey, at least they’re happy.”

Sebastian let out a quiet hum, eyes fixed on the drink in his hand.

Then it was quiet for too long. It wasn’t unpleasant, Sebastian usually preferred the quiet but that night it was grating on him like sandpaper.

“I don’t know how you do it,” Abby said suddenly.

“Do what?”

“Keep it together. I mean, if someone took my kid from me, I’d probably burn a courthouse down or something.”

“Don’t think I didn’t consider it," Sebastian laughed darkly.

Abby smiled faintly, but it faded as she saw the forlorn look on his face. “I bet Christmas time is hard without her."

He didn’t look up, just nodded into the glass. “Yup… I had plans, you know? There's a really good lights display in Grampleton I wanted to take her to. Then we'd come here on Christmas Eve, wake up together at my mom's house, she'd get all her presents, then she'd come to the town square at night and—"

Sebastian swatted at his eyes with the back of his hand.

"—Fuck. Sorry, Abs. You think I'm a fucking idiot, huh?"

"Not at all," Abby reassured him. "A perfectly logical reaction, honestly. But I will say, it's weird as shit seeing you cry. You're usually so emotionally stunted. If I knew all it took was making you a dad to get you to open the fuck up, I'd have let you get me pregnant ages ago."

"Oh, fuck off, Abby."

"What!? I'm just saying! You had plenty of chance to!"

Abby cackled when he shot her a look then laughed so hard she could have drawn the attention of half the saloon.

“Fuck, Abby, keep your voice down,” Sebastian muttered. “My mom could hear you!"

“Oh please, like your mom doesn’t already think we were doing it back in high school anyway.”

“You’re actually the fucking worst," Sebastian huffed, quickly downing the rest of his drink.

“Aw, that’s why you love me,” she teased, kicking him lightly under the table.

Sebastian scoffed, “Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.”

"I do. Every night before bed, actually," Abby shot back, finishing her own drink. "But hey, you're not crying anymore."

“Was that your plan? Make me so uncomfortable I forget to be sad?”

“Worked, didn’t it?” Abby said with a smug little grin.

He shook his head, but there was a faint curl at the corner of his mouth. Yeah, it did work.

"Alright, well," Sebastian groaned as he stood, placing his empty glass on the edge of the pool table. "Thanks for the drink, Abs. I think I'm gonna go, though. I'll see you tomorrow. And the next drinks are on me."

Abby nodded and remained on the couch, "Don't even worry about it. Love ya."

She blew Sebastian a kiss and he rolled his eyes, turning to leave, never to let her know he actually smiled.

While it was true that, yes, he and Abby had been a "thing" back in high school, it never worked out, mostly due to Sebastian not wanting to pursue a relationship and definitely not something to do with the fact he was also harbouring a crush on his best friend. Not even a little. And even though it ended not-so-great when Abby realised it would be nothing more than sexual and years of tension, only being amicable for Sam's sake, absence truly made the heart grow fonder. With Sebastian gone, their relationship mended and that brought them to where they were currently.

Bantering besties.

Sebastian walked home the long way, delaying the inevitable need to retire to the basement and make himself go to sleep.

God, he wished he had a smoke.

No. Nope. He couldn't start up the habit again. Having Elle made it so easy to quit. One day he stopped and never looked back. Not having Elle was making it feel so easy to start up again. But, in the end, he figured it would help his case the best to stay off the bad habit, as much as it killed him.

After detouring the long way around the old farm that still had its' new occupant based off the observation he made of the lights being on inside the old cottage, he made it back to his mom's house and trudged down to the basement, taking an extended shower considering no one else was home and he wasn't paying the bill, then climbed into bed and tried hard not to think about the fact it would be Christmas when he woke up again.

When he finally did fall asleep, face down in the pillow, he had no idea how long he slept until he woke up with a gasp, drenched in sweat. Fucking nightmares. He scrubbed his face with both hands, trying to chase the dream away, though he couldn't even remember what had happened. That happened often now.

Then the realisation hit him. Christmas morning.

Not only was it Christmas morning, he had hours to kill until he could see Sam or anyone else to take his mind off it all.

At least when he rolled over and looked at the alarm clock on the bedside it was well past 9 a.m.

Sebastian tried to lay back down and fall back asleep, shoving his face in the pillow, but it was futile. So he sat up eventually, dragging a hand through his hair then stood, stretched, and shuffled toward the stairs.

Upstairs, the smell of coffee hit him. His mom was at the counter cooking and she smiled faintly when she caught sight of him.

"Morning, Sebby. I'm making some eggs. Want some?"

Has this woman been my mother for thirty-fucking-years or not?

"Nah, I'm good, thanks."

Robin shrugged, "Suit yourself. Coffee's in the pot."

Sebastian nodded and wandered over to the cupboard and taking out a mug, then poured the black liquid into it.

Blegh.

One positive of living in the city. A wide variety of coffee shops and he had a coffee machine. Much better than whatever cheap crap Robin had bought from Pierre's to shove in the percolator.

Sebastian figured it was better than nothing though and poured himself a large mug, wandering to the lounge where the fireplace was and flopping in front of it on the nearest sofa.

Maru appeared not long after with a tea, followed by Demetrius and Robin, who'd eaten their eggs already, and then they were opening presents.

A new winter coat for Robin, Maru got some equipment Demetrius had clearly picked out for her that Sebastian didn't really care about, and Sebastian ended up with the usual assortment of gifts for someone who’s "hard to buy for.”

A new hoodie. Black, of course. A few vouchers for stores to buy whatever he wanted. And socks. Always socks.

He muttered his thanks and offered a small smile. It wasn’t that he didn’t appreciate it, he always did. It was just that everything about that particular Christmas felt muted and dim, like someone had turned the saturation down on life. Not that Sebastian was much of a beam of joy to start with, but still…

Robin noticed how solemn he was, of course.

“You could’ve told us what you wanted,” she said, watching Sebastian pull at the thread of his pyjama pants.

“It's fine. I didn’t really want anything,” he murmured.

That was a lie, there was one thing he wanted but you couldn't really wrap that up and shove it under the tree.

That apparently pissed Robin off because she muttered something about him being ungrateful and difficult before storming off to the kitchen.

Demetrius offered Sebastian a similar disapproving look, but elected not to say anything, leaving Maru and Sebastian alone.

"I'm sorry about mom," Maru started. "She—"

"Don't. It's fine," Sebastian dismissed her.

Maru frowned, watching Sebastian stay exactly where he was, then got up and wandered over to the tree, pulling out a present that was hidden around the back of it.

"Here," she said, thrusting the small present out in his direction.

"What?"

"Just open it."

Sebastian raised a brow but tore the paper off slowly, finding a box. He pulled the lid off and nestled inside was a tiny, heart-shaped silver locket engraved with a simple letter E.

His throat tightened as he ran his thumb over the engraving.

Maru smiled, then cleared her throat quickly. “I, uh… saw this when I was looking for a present for Penny. I thought maybe you’d want something to give Elle. You know… when you can see her again.”

Sebastian blinked at her, his mouth opening and closing before he managed to form words. “You—you got this for Elle?"

Maru nodded. “Yeah. I know you’ve been—well, I know it’s been a rough time for you. I just figured maybe it’d be nice to have something ready for her when that day comes. You could put a picture in it or something.”

A picture. There was only one picture of the two of them he had. The day they went to the small pub and watched Sam perform. Sam had joined them after and insisted on it. Sebastian had grumbled at the time, vehemently against being in any sort of photograph, but now he was forever grateful Sam had forced him to crouch beside Elle, wrap an arm around her shoulder and smile widely for the camera.

“Maru…” he started, but his voice cracked halfway through her name. He cleared his throat to make another fumbly attempt. “Thanks. Seriously. This… um, this means a lot.”

Maru smiled faintly, “I figured it might.”

There was a long pause where Sebastian wasn't even sure what to say or do, but Maru simply stood and reached out, squeezing his shoulder gently. “Merry Christmas, Seb.”

“Merry Christmas, Maru,” he responded softly.

When she left to help Robin in the kitchen, Sebastian stayed in place. He turned the locket over again and again in his hands, running his thumb over the E, finally letting the tears he'd held in all morning fall. Then he promised himself that no matter what, next Christmas would be a lot different than this.

He remained in his old basement the rest of the day, emerging onto to make himself a sandwich out of turkey meat for lunch, then again when the sounds of his mom huffing about making it to town in time for the feast forced him to.

The snow had started up again by the time they reached the town square and made the whole thing feel like a damn holiday movie. Sebastian supposed the Feast of the Winter Star had always been a highlight for the people of Pelican Town so snow was just the icing on the cringey Christmas cake, but for Sebastian the entire event had always been a bit of a mild inconvenience. Like most other festivals, there were too many people, too much noise, too much small talk to partake in. But that year, it was something else entirely. It was a reminder of what he didn’t have.

He shoved his hands deeper into the pockets of his coat, keeping close to the outer edge of the square while Robin and Demetrius wandered off and Maru found Penny.

That normally would have been the time he'd duck off for a cigarette, but he didn't have the luxury of second-hand-smoke inhalation driving people away from him anymore.

Instead, he wandered the perimeter until he found Sam watching Vincent make snow angels.

"Hey man," Sam said when he heard the approaching footsteps.

"Hey. You look… festive?" Sebastian said, noticing Sam's odd Christmas sweater attire.

"Oh, thanks! Alex and I are matching!"

Sebastian's eyes wandered across the square and landed on Alex wearing an identical and much-too Christmas themed sweater, complete with sewn-on pom-poms.

He resisted the urge to visibly cringe.

"So, your families know then?" Sebastian asked.

"Know?"

"That you and Alex are dating."

"Oh! Yeah! Pretty sure everyone does, you know how this town works."

Yeah. Especially when you've got Jodi for a mother…

"How did Alex's grandparents take it? I guess Evelyn would be okay with it but George is—"

"A little old school?" Sam chuckled. "Yeah. Look, took a lot of convincing for him to stop scowling at me every time I walked past the house or whatever. I'm sure he would have said something if Alex or Evelyn weren't there every time but yeah, he’s come around. Mostly.” Sam smiled faintly, then kicked at the snow with his boot.

Sebastian gave a quiet hum of approval, looking down to watch Sam make a little pile of snow with his foot. “Cool.”

There was a brief silence between them which normally would be comfortable but now it was fucking awkward, like Sebastian could sense no one knew what to say to him anymore.

"So, who'd you get for the gift exchange?" Sam finally asked.

"Isn't that supposed to be anonymous?"

"Yeah, I'm your best friend, though. You can tell me, I'm discreet. Scouts honour!"

"You never did scouts…"

Sam scoffed, "I could have…"

Sebastian nodded skeptically.

"Anyway, who'd you get?"

Sebastian sighed through his nose, making a small, visible puff of air. “Harvey,” he muttered.

"Oh, man. What’d you get him? A stress ball? Another coffee mug?”

“Gift card.”

“Lame,” Sam said immediately.

“What!? It’s practical! What was I supposed to get him? A fucking stethoscope?”

“I dunno, something fun! A model plane kit, maybe? You've seen his office!"

"I have," Sebastian countered. "He's got enough. A gift card means he can buy whatever he wants. And since you're such a good gift giver, who did you get?"

"Oh, I can't tell you. The gift exchange is supposed to be anonymous," Sam said plainly.

"You absolute fucking dickhead!"

Sam just winked at him before wandering off in the direction of his family. "You'll find out soon enough, Sebby!" Sam called over his shoulder.

Sebastian grumbled something under his breath in response, then just stayed where he was, watching everyone else with their families.

Jas and Shane making snowmen together. Haley making Emily pick the snow flakes out of her hair. Alex helping George serve himself up some dinner. Shit, even Clint was enjoying a pint with Pam. Everybody seemed to have some form of happiness, except for him.

He figured he brought it upon himself. He never enjoyed social events and almost took pride in the fact he was consistently moody at them. But now he realised just how fun they could be when he saw them through the eyes of his child. His child who wasn't there enjoying the food, the community spirit, being spoiled rotten by the townies. Instead, she was probably cooped up in some shitty apartment if Emma had remembered it was even Christmas at all. That's if Elle wasn't already shipped off with someone else.

"Fuck…" Sebastian muttered under his breath, swiping at his eyes before deciding to join his family before his mother had anymore reason to be cranky with him that day.

He forced himself to enjoy some food, engage in small talk with whoever approached him, until finally Mayor Lewis made the call to begin the gift exchange.

Harvey promptly received his gift card which he assured Sebastian was going towards a comfy new pillow for the crick in his neck, then when he went back to his table, Sam approached him again.

"Here to mock me over Harvey's gift again?" Sebastian sighed.

"Nope," Sam said plainly, holding out his hand. "I'm your secret gift giver. Here."

Sebastian looked at his hand and realised Sam was also holding out an envelope.

"Did you get me a gift card too? Because if you did, that's—"

"Just open it, dumbass."

Sebastian rolled his eyes and took the envelope from Sam's hands and slipped his finger underneath the seal.

He pulled out a plain piece of paper and unfolded it slowly, expecting a stupid hand-drawn voucher good for one Sam hangout. But instead, his brain short-circuited for a full three seconds when he saw what it actually was.

A check. A check for $20,000.

His breath caught in his throat. “The fuck is—”

“Told you it wasn’t a gift card.”

Sebastian’s eyes flicked up to meet Sam's, waiting for him to laugh in his face and tell him he was kidding. “This is a fucking joke, right?”

“It’s not a joke,” Sam said firmly.

Sebastian blinked down at the paper again, then narrowed his eyes expecting a zero or two to disappear from the paper. “You—you can’t just give me this, Sam. Where the fuck did you even get that kind of money?”

“I didn’t. Not by myself, anyway. It’s from the whole town.”

Sebastian shook his head, his brain scrambling to process what was happening. “What?”

“All the money that comes from the Ice Festival… you know, the entry fees, the fishing competition, Pierre's stall, profits the saloon makes, all of it. People thought it’d be cool to raise money for something that actually mattered this year instead of just pouring it into the community chest to just sit there untouched.”

“And that something was—”

“You,” Sam said simply. “And Elle.”

Sebastian’s jaw fell open. “You’re joking. Please tell me you're joking.”

“I’m not. It was Alex’s idea, actually. He mentioned it to Lewis after I told him you were trying to get a lawyer together for the custody thing so he helped organise it after a bit of arm-twisting and gentle peer pressure. Then everyone chipped in some extra too. Pierre even matched some of funds he made on the day.”

Sebastian stared at him, rendered utterly fucking speechless.

Sam just shrugged, "I know it’s a lot to take in. But the whole town came together for it.”

"But why would everyone do this for me?" Sebastian asked, voice all croaky.

“It's for you and Elle,” Sam said. “Everyone knows what you’ve been going through, Seb. Nobody wanted to just sit and watch you struggle to fight this on your own.”

Sebastian laughed, though it came out as a sob. “Fuck, Sam, I don’t even know what to—why would they—”

“Because, believe it or not, people care about you,” Sam interrupted.

Sebastian swallowed hard and blinked fast, willing the sting behind his eyes to disappear. “I don’t know how to—fuck, Sam, I can’t accept this.”

“Yeah, you can,” Sam brushed him off. “You’re not taking it from me. You’re taking it from everyone who wants to see Elle come home.”

Sebastian’s lip trembled against his will, and he dropped his gaze back to the check. "I… How do I even begin to thank people for this?”

“You don’t have to thank anyone, we just did it. Use it and bring her home. That’s all anyone wants.”

That was it. Suddenly Sebastian forgot where he was because the tears fell, his throat cracked and he tossed himself into Sam's arms.

Sam just held him, hand running up and down Sebastian's back as he let his best friends tears soak his itchy sweater.

“Next year” Sam said quietly, whispering in Sebastian's ear. “She’s gonna be here for Winter Star. I just know it."

For the first time in ages, Sebastian believed it. His tiny, small hometown with the community spirit he hated gave him that hope.

Chapter Text

"And when I cry for me, I cry for you."

Christmas was over. New Years was over. Sebastian had never been more grateful. As if spending weeks and copious amounts of hours with happy families wasn't enough of a torture, the holidays also put a pin in Sebastian's legalities as everyone else enjoyed time with their happy families too.

But, back in the city, Sebastian was somewhat thrilled he could go back to the monotonous daily grind. And send his lawyer a nice, big check.

The peace and quiet never lasted long though. Not with Sam appearing in town every second week to play a gig and insisting he spend some time with Seb like he was some charity case.

Sebastian didn't really mind it. Sam was his best friend, after all, and the company was welcome, he supposed. If Sam didn't force himself upon Sebastian, he'd be quite content to not speak to anyone at all.

Except this time, his gig was a daytime thing on a Saturday, and he asked Sebastian to go out with him at night to some bar. Sebastian couldn't even use work as an excuse anymore since he had a 9-5 and not a convenient freelancing gig.

"C'mon, dude. It will be good. You don't have to get trashed or anything, I just want to go out with you. I miss you," Sam was practically begging on Sebastian's sofa.

"Sam…"

"Don't 'Saaaaam' me! You need a night out! I know the holidays were rough for you. A few drinks and some music will do you some good!"

"No."

“Seb, come on.” Sam nudged his knee against Sebastian’s. “I promise I won’t drag you somewhere awful. The place is low-key, live music, pretty good food. Not, like, one of those obnoxious clubs where people have to scream over the DJ.”

“Live music?” Sebastian said, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah. Not me, though. I just want to listen for once.”

That earned the faintest twitch of a smirk from Sebastian. “You? Listen?”

Sam threw a cushion at him. “Get fucked."

Seb caught it one-handed with a grin, tossing it right back and socking Sam in the side of the head.

"So, you’re coming,” Sam said with a grunt, rubbing his temple.

Sebastian let out a sigh, "I—"

"Great! We could go now, make the most of happy hour. I know you're on a tight budget these days."

The groan that escaped Sebastian's lips was loud and overexaggerated but he knew he wasn't getting away with a measly excuse.

Unless… I have contracted rabies…

I feel a bout of diarrhoea coming on…

I've suddenly been deployed…

“Don’t even think about it,” Sam said, jabbing a finger at him.

"Think about what?”

“The fake excuse you’re making up right now.”

“I'm not”

“You totally are,” Sam frowned. “I’ve known you since we were kids. That’s your deep in thought face and I just know you're thinking of a way out of this.”

Sebastian scowled, “I don’t have a face.”

“Yeah, you do. You get this little wrinkle between your eyebrows, right here.” Sam reached forward, poking him between the eyes.

"Fuck off," Sebastian spluttered, swatting his hand away. "Fine! Fine, I'll go. Just… let me get changed."

"Atta boy!" Sam exclaimed as Sebastian got up from the sofa. “Make it quick!”

Sebastian muttered something like "should have gone with the diarrhoea…" and shut the door to his bedroom.

More than a few moments later, the door creaked open again, and Sebastian stepped out wearing a dark jacket over a black button-up, jeans, and the same scuffed boots he’d had since high school. His hair was still slightly damp from the quick shower he must’ve taken.

Sam whistled lowly, "Well, hot fucking damn. Reckon you'll pick up tonight?"

"Nope," Sebastian said plainly, grabbing his keys from the table and shoving them in his pocket. "Let's go before I change my mind."

The ride in the cab wasn’t long, but Sam filled most of it by talking. He talked about Alex, about past and upcoming gigs, about Alex, about how Abby got grounded for going into the mines again, about Alex. Sebastian half-listened, watching the raindrops streak down the window in a blur because apparently it had started raining.

When they finally stopped and stepped out of the cab, the streets were alive and busy and Sebastian felt that wave of regret starting to wash over him. He could have been at home ordering takeout and watching slasher movies until he passed out on the couch at 4 a.m. Instead, he was standing out in the rain, waiting for Sam to lead the way.

“C'est Bruyant is just around the corner,” Sam said, gesturing ahead. “You’ll like it. Trust me.”

Sebastian was skeptical, but it was too late to turn around now. Or maybe it wasn't. He cast one last, desperate glance back toward the cab but Sam was already speeding ahead, bouncing a little on his heels as he walked. Sebastian shoved his hands in his jacket pockets and trudged after him. He couldn't disappoint Sam, not when he looked that happy simply walking.

When they arrived, he had to admit, the place wasn’t what he expected. C’est Bruyant wasn’t loud at all, despite what the name hinted at.

It was tucked between a laundromat and a small cafe that had closed hours ago. Inside, it was dim and cozy. It was smothered with faux brick walls, mismatched tables and there was a stage tucked into the corner where a band was playing some soft jazz. It smelled like fancy wine, and not cheap beer.

So, probably way out of Sebastian's budget…

“See? Not bad, right?” Sam said, sliding into a seat at a booth buried in the corner.

Sebastian sat opposite him. Sam wasn't entirely wrong. The lighting was warm and cozy and had the potential to be relaxing if he wasn't doing mental gymnastics to try and work out how to get drunk the cheapest in a place like that.

“Hmm,” he hummed. "It's not like your usual choice of hangout."

Sam grinned, “Thanks! That’s high praise coming from you!”

He told Sebastian the first drinks were on him and left Sebastian alone to ponder the place when he quickly returned with two glasses with ice and brown liquid in the bottom of them.

“You know,” Sam said, sliding one of the glasses across the table, “I think this might be the first time we’ve gone out in the city together in years.”

“That’s because I live here,” Sebastian muttered, “and you visit from home just to harass me.”

Sam snorted. “Harass you? You need to be harassed. Otherwise you’d just rot in your apartment."

Sebastian rolled his eyes but couldn’t help the small twitch of his lips, threatening a smile.

Then Sam raised his glass toward him. “To… I don’t know. Us, I guess? Surviving another year?”

Sebastian clinked his glass against Sam’s. “Barely.”

He took a drink and the whiskey burned in that way he always liked.

They talked. Or, rather, Sam talked and Sebastian listened. He talked about Alex again, how he was finally looking at jobs to step away from being his grandparents full-time carers. He talked about Vince and how Sam was adamant he was harbouring a crush on the older Miss Penny. Then Sam’s tone softened a little.

“How’s everything going, anyway?”

Sebastian looked up from his drink. “What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean. The whole court thing. You haven’t really said much since Christmas.”

Sebastian’s jaw flexed slightly and he rolled the glass over in his palms. “It’s… fine. My lawyer’s handling it.”

“That’s not really an answer.”

"There wasn't much of a question to answer."

Sam sighed, "I guess you're right. So, no update?"

"None. Just have to wait. Emma's been served the parenting orders and she's flat out ignoring it. That's all been put on record for when it eventually goes to court because that will go in my favour but… there's not much else I can do."

Sam nodded slowly, frowning into his drink. He didn’t push for more information or try to distract Seb with a joke. Instead, he just looked at him with pity.

“I can’t imagine how that feels… not being able to do anything," he said softly.

Sebastian let out a quiet laugh, "Eh, well, got no choice, do I?"

Sam’s brow furrowed, and he leaned forward slightly. “And you’re sure you’re okay?”

"Yep," Sebastian said, taking another slow sip of whiskey.

Totally convincing.

Sam tapped his fingers on the glass when his name being called across the bar startled him.

"Sammy!"

"Oh! Hey, Dan!"

Sam waved over a tall, scruffy-looking guy with light brown hair and a line of messy stubble across his jaw wearing a red flannel to the table, balancing two beers in his hand as he wandered over.

“Man, it’s been forever,” Dan said, setting the beers on the table before pulling Sam into a half-hug, half–shoulder clap. “What are you doing here? Still living in bumfuck nowhere?”

"Yeah," Sam laughed, gesturing toward Sebastian. “Visiting this guy. Dragged him out for once.”

"I'm Daniel," Dan said, extending a hand that Sebastian shook.

"Sebastian."

"Ah! You're Sebastian! Sam's talked a lot about you."

"All good I hope," Sebastian forced a laugh.

Dan smirked, settling into the booth beside Sam. “Mostly good. Though, I gotta admit, he wasn’t kidding. You do look like you’d rather be anywhere else.”

Sebastian arched a brow in Sam's direction. “He said that, did he?”

Sam groaned, nudging Dan with his elbow. “Fuck off, I did not! I said you’re selective about where you go!”

Dan laughed and Sebastian tilted his head slightly, eyeing Sam's friend carefully. “You two go way back or something?”

“Oh, yeah.” Sam answered. “Dan owns a few of the venues I play at sometimes. Well, technically co-owns, right?”

“Technically,” Dan agreed. “My brother does most of the paperwork. I get to handle the fun stuff.”

“By fun stuff, he means planning the sound checks and drinking half the bar stock before doing the order for the next week,” Sam teased.

Dan lifted a finger to his lips and let out a shush and winked.

"So Sam's big ass ego is your fault then? Since you apparently book him a lot," Sebastian said.

"Hah!" Dan cackled, shoving a thumb in Sebastian's direction. "I like him already."

Sam just scoffed and frowned. “Yeah, he’s a real fuckin' treat.”

The three of them settled into easy conversation after that, though it was mostly Sam and Dan just catching up. They talked about gigs, venue renovations Dan and his brother had planned, gossiped about mutual friends from the music scene.

Sebastian didn’t mind. He listened, the way he always did, half-tuned in. But he caught enough snippets to paint a clearer picture of Dan. He'd been in the music and bar scene for a long time, he was clearly older than them by a few years, nudging forty, if not already. And apparently, he was the kind of guy who could talk to anyone, and did.

"So, Sebastian, what do you do for work? Sam mentioned it's to do with computers but he could never really elaborate," Dan asked.

Sebastian rolled his eyes in Sam's direction and finished off the last of his drink, "I'm a programmer. I freelanced for years but now I work for a small, indie video game production company."

"Sick! What kind of games?"

Sebastian shrugged, "Eh, mostly story-driven ones, heavy narrative focus. I don't have much to do with that, though. I mostly just make sure the people walk straight.”

"That's pretty fuckin' cool," Dan beamed.

“It pays the bills, though, so I can't complain.”

It barely pays the bills, but that's neither here nor there…

Dan laughed and took a swig of his beer, “Honestly, I admire anyone who can code. I tried learning it once. Got about two hours into a Python tutorial and quit.”

“That is absolutely the appropriate response,” Sebastian said, deadpan, which earned another laugh from Dan.

It surprised him, a little, how easily the conversation flowed with Dan once it got going. Even though Sebastian wasn't giving a whole lot to go off, Dan made it work. He was easy to talk to in that confident, casual way people in hospitality often were and he filled the silences Sebastian left without it feeling awkward. And, unlike most of Sam’s city friends Sebastian had had the (dis)pleasure of meeting, he didn’t talk down to Sebastian or seem uncomfortable when he got quiet for too long.

After a bit, Sam excused himself to "go piss", leaving Sebastian and Dan at the table alone.

Dan turned his glass absently in his hands, "So, I sense you're a bit of a closed book."

"Really?" Yep. "What gives you that idea?"

Dan smirked, downing the last of his beer before grabbing the second one. “Just a hunch. You’ve got a vibe that says 'if I don't say anything, maybe people won't notice me'.”

Sebastian huffed a quiet laugh through his nose. “Yeah, well, it’s worked pretty well so far.”

“Yeah, until you end up stuck across from a guy who won’t shut up,” Dan said easily, index finger pointing at his own chest.

Sebastian’s lips twitched again. “You’re not wrong.”

Dan chuckled lowly, then it went quiet and for once, neither of them tried to fill it, until both of their drinks were empty again.

"I'm heading over to the bar," Dan said, "Want to come with? I get drinks heavily discounted. Free for the people I like."

"So full price for me, then?"

Dan grinned, “We’ll see. Come on, Sam can catch up.”

Sebastian rolled his eyes but slid out of the booth anyway, following Dan through the dim bar that was starting to get a little more crowded than when they first arrived.

Dan moved easily through the crowd, throwing casual nods and winks at a few people who clearly knew him while Sebastian trailed behind, half-wishing he’d just stayed in the booth. But there was something about Dan’s energy that was grounding, alluring even. Not that Sebastian would ever admit that.

They reached the bar, and Dan leaned over the counter, calling the bartenders name out sweetly to get her attention.

“Two whiskeys on the rocks, Janey,” he said with that signature sweet smile.

"You got it," Janey smirked, already reaching for the bottle.

“Oh, and make that a double for my friend, yeah?”

Sebastian blinked. “You don’t have to—”

“I know,” Dan interrupted smoothly, “but I want to.”

Janey finished free-pouring the drinks, making sure Sebastian's was practically overflowing, then slid the glasses toward them. Dan tapped his card against the reader before Sebastian could protest again.

Sebastian frowned. “I thought you said free.”

"For the people I like," Dan corrected. “And I'm not making you pay, so I must like you, hm?"

Sebastian let out something between a huff of disbelief and a laugh at the pure insanity of it all. "You don’t even know me," he half-scoffed.

"Sure I do. Moody, introverted, hates bars, easily influenced by his best friend. Am I missing anything?"

A few chapters, but yeah, practically hit the nail on the head.

"Sure. You got it," Sebastian snorted into his glass, taking a long sip of the whiskey.

Sebastian was about to reply with more sarcastic wit to really sell his brand when he peered over Dan's shoulder and spotted Sam, finishing up whatever detour he'd taken.

Sam spotted them easily, took two steps towards them, then stopped in his tracks, smirking widely.

He thinks we're fucking flirting. But… are we? Fuck…

Sam just waggled his brows, offered Sebastian a thumbs up and left quickly, making Sebastian have to work damn hard to stifle the frustrated sigh he was about to let out.

But Sebastian could feel himself getting tipsy with every sip he took, quickly finding himself falling towards drunk. And he hadn't even paid for a single drink!

Dan just tapped his card then tapped it again and again every time their drinks ran dry.

By Sebastian's fourth free whiskey at the bar, he was well and truly done.

"Another round?" Dan suggested.

"Not a fuckin' chance if I want to be able to walk out of here," Sebastian giggled, pushing the empty glass away from him.

Dan let out a rather high pitched giggle of his own, "Who knew you'd sound like that when you laugh?”

Sebastian blinked, momentarily thrown by how giddy Dan sounded. “Sound like what?”

"I dunno," Dan slurred. "You sound so broody I guess I just didn't expect the giggle of a little school girl."

"Fuck you," Sebastian hissed, but then he let out another high-pitched laugh that had him slapping his hand over his mouth.

Dan laughed so hard in response, it sent Sebastian into another fit of laughter.

“Oh my god, that’s way too cute,” Dan said, leaning slightly closer.

Sebastian swatted at him, feeling the heat rise to his cheeks. “Stop. I’m not—” His words dissolved into another laugh.

“You’re adorable when you’re drunk,” Dan said, nudging Sebastian gently with his knee.

“Adorable?” Sebastian mumbled, barely even registering that he was inching closer and closer towards Dan.

Dan didn’t move away. He just leaned forward too and braced his hand on Seb's shoulder.

“I—what—” Sebastian stammered, frozen in place at Dan's touch, rendered speechless by how bold he was being.

Dan leaned a little closer, lips hovering right over Sebastian’s, and whispered, “Relax. I won’t bite… unless you want me to.”

Sebastian’s breath hitched.

Holy fuck holy fuck holy—

Before he could talk himself out of it, Dan tilted his head, and the space between their lips disappeared. Sebastian should have stopped himself, but when he let the kiss deepen, he realised he didn't want to. Dan was prickly, that stubble grazing against Sebastian's chin but he tasted sweet, mingled with the whiskey and it was utterly intoxicating.

Sebastian’s hands instinctively went to Dan’s shoulders, gripping against his shirt as he tried to steady himself. Meanwhile, Dan’s hand moved from Sebastian's shoulder, traced the line of his jaw and Sebastian let out a soft laugh.

"Ugh, stop laughing," Dan giggled against Sebastian's mouth.

"Mm—sorry. Can't… help it," Sebastian laughed again, moving one hand into Dan's hair to stop him from pulling away.

Dan moved from the bar first, sliding off the stool and taking Sebastian with him, guiding him towards an empty wall off to the side of the bar, turning Sebastian around when he got there so his back was pressed against the wall.

Sebastian hadn't considered how tall and muscular Dan was until his body was curled over the top of his own. He easily engulfed Sebastian's thin frame and even though Sebastian wasn't particularly short, Dan still made him feel tiny, which he wasn't entirely mad at.

Dan's large hands pulled at Sebastian's shirt, rough fingers finding the skin of his belly, inching higher and higher.

"Did you wanna," Dan began, nipping at Sebastian's jaw, "go back to your place or something? Keep this going?"

Fuck yes.

Of course he did. Sebastian couldn't remember the last time he got laid.

He nodded weakly and shivered when the warmth of Dan's body left his, exposing him to the cool air conditioning.

Dan took Sebastian's hand and led him out the back door of the bar and into the streets.

Sebastian blinked against the sudden brightness of the streetlights above, heart still hammering from the kiss and the anticipation of what was to come that he was wholly unprepared for when he agreed to go out that night.

He was excited, sure, but the closer they got to his building, the tighter his chest felt.

Have I tidied up enough? I fed Obie before I left, right? So he won't bother us meowing and scratching at the door. And… the condoms, I think I still have some. Should be in the bathroom drawer, moved them from the beside when Elle moved in and—

Fuck. Elle.

He stopped halfway up the steps to the building. “Wait… uh…”

Dan tilted his head, glancing down at him with that alluring smile. “What's wrong?”

Oh nothing, just my apartment being filled with children's toys and craft materials and the bed we were probably gonna fuck on is inches away from my daughters bed covered in strawberries and stuffed toys.

Sebastian’s stomach twisted. He felt sick.

“Nothing… it’s just—” He ran a hand through his hair, panic rising to his throat. “I… I can’t have you over tonight. Not at my place.”

Dan frowned. “Why not? I mean, we’re both… you know… right?”

"I know. Don't get me wrong, I want to, I really do, but… shit…"

"Whatever it is, Sebastian, you can tell me. You got a wife or something?"

"What?" Sebastian scoffed. "No! Of course not! I just… no. No, no, no…"

Dan just stepped back a few inches and turned Sebastian towards him, placing his hands on Seb's shoulders and squeezing tightly.

"Are you okay? Really? I feel like you're like, two breaths away from a full-blown panic attack."

Sebastian swallowed hard, his chest tightening so much it hurt to breathe and felt the overwhelming sting of tears threatening to spill over his lashline.

“I… I can't,” he said finally, sucking back every bit of emotion. "I'm fine, but you'll think differently of me."

"Sebastian, I work at bars for a living. Unless you're hiding a dead body in your apartment, I think I'll be fine. You can tell me."

Sebastian’s breath hitched. The weight of Dan’s hands on his shoulders, the warmth of them, the gentle tone of his voice, it made him want to dissolve into relief and frustration all at once.

“I… I’ve got a kid,” he said quickly before he could stop himself. "She's not with me right now but all her stuff is upstairs and… I didn't want you to be blindsided by it all."

“Okay… that's okay,” Dan said gently. “Come sit with me. Let’s talk for a minute because I need you to calm down a little before you go upstairs, yeah?”

Sebastian hesitated but nodded, following Dan to the curb, sitting beside him with a flop.

“It's… it’s complicated,” Sebastian admitted after a long pause, staring at his hands, pulling at his fingernails. "I’m in the middle of a battle with her mom over custody. She’s been ignoring the orders and dragging it out. It’s exhausting… emotionally, financially... it's going to ruin me. Tonight was supposed to help me get my mind off it but… it's now made it worse.”

"I'm sorry,” Dan said softly. “I can’t imagine how stressful that must be.”

“Yeah," Sebastian breathed. "And on top of that, I’ve been told getting a bigger place will help my case. At the moment we're sharing a room, it's why I freaked out. But… I can’t really afford it right now. Rent’s super high and that's without pouring every cent of my income into lawyers…"

It was quiet, the first silence between them that ever felt awkward since Sebastian had met Dan earlier. So Sebastian finally looked at him, half-expecting Dan to laugh in his face or get up and leave. Instead, Dan was just grinning at him.

"Did I mention I also own investment properties too? Commercial properties aren't my only interest."

Sebastian blinked at him. “What?”

"What's your budget? How many rooms you want?"

"I… I don't know," Sebastian stammered. "Two?"

Dan nodded thoughtfully, tapping his knee. “Two bedrooms, makes sense. Enough for you and her when you get her back, right?”

"Y—Yeah…"

"Great!" Dan beamed. "Leave it with me. I think I have one coming available in the next month or so. I'll cut you a deal. Subsidised rent, no deposit—"

"No. I can't accept that, Dan, I—"

Dan held up a hand and let out a "shh". “Sebastian, hear me out. This isn’t charity. I like Sam and any friend of his is a friend of mine. This isn't going to burn a hole in my pocket and that way I know the place is going to someone who truly needs it."

Sebastian almost laughed at Dan's not-so-humble brag.

"Dan, no—"

He sighed, "Okay, Sebastian. I get it. We're drunk, we almost hooked up, it's late. Give me your phone."

Sebastian blinked up at him, confused. “My phone?”

Dan held out his hand expectantly. “Yeah. I'm gonna text myself and when we're sober, I can send you the details, some pictures. Give you some time to think it over."

Sebastian hesitated, then fished his phone out of his pocket and handed it to Dan, who took it and began moving his thumbs quickly over the screen.

“Done,” Dan said after a moment, handing the phone back. “You can think about it tomorrow, sober. No pressure tonight.”

“I… I don’t know what to say,” Sebastian murmured, completely and utterly overwhelmed.

Dan just shrugged, "Don't say anything. Just promise me we'll meet up again not at a bar. Shockingly, I've enjoyed your company. Even if you are a tough nut to crack."

Sebastian nodded, staring down at the phone in his hand while Dan stood up and ruffled Sebastian's hair.

"Get upstairs and go to bed," Dan instructed. "I'll talk to you soon. Hope the head doesn't hurt too bad in the morning."

Before Sebastian could think of anything else to say, Dan was gone, leaving Sebastian feeling cold, exhausted and uncomfortably hopeful.

Chapter Text

The apartment was nice. Too nice. At least nicer than Sebastian thought he deserved.

It had an open plan kitchen, living and dining, not too dissimilar to what Sebastian had currently. There were two bedrooms, a nook in the dining room for a small desk/study, and, Seb's favourite part, an internal washer and dryer.

Sebastian pinched himself every day when he looked at the photos again and again. What had he done for everyone to be so nice to him? He figured that maybe it wasn't him and it was his very cute and very caring daughter instead.

Sam also hadn't stopped pestering Sebastian since the night out weeks before. He was itching to know the details. He'd seen them making out against the brick wall, then he lost sight of them. But Sebastian was too prideful to tell Sam he'd chickened out.

Sebastian had finally picked up the fourth ignored call on that random Tuesday.

"What, Sam?"

"Hello to you too! You ignoring me?" Sam huffed.

"I'm working."

“Yeah, sure,” Sam said, clearly unconvinced. “You’re always working. Which, for the record, doesn’t explain why you've been ghosting me ever since I saw you sucking face with Dan. Tall, broad, jawline of a Greek god Dan.”

Sebastian closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, "Shut up, Sam…"

"No! I need the details! What's he like? Is he big? Is he a top? I don't know, he gives me top vibes. Give me something Seb!"

Sebastian groaned. “Sam… you don’t need to know all that.”

“Yes I do!” Sam continued. “I need to know. Have you seen him since? How many times have you hooked up now? Is that why you're ignoring me?”

“Sam!” Sebastian snapped. “He's nice, okay? That’s all you’re getting. Nice, kind, doesn’t bite, and yes, he’s taller than me. Happy?”

"No!"

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Sam! We didn't sleep together, alright? There's nothing to tell. I went to take him home then remembered my place is full of Elle's stuff. I can't take a guy home and fuck him right next to her bed!"

There was a pause on the other end of the line and Sebastian wondered if Sam had died of disappointment.

“…Wait,” Sam finally said, “so you didn’t?”

“No, I didn't. We didn’t. Nothing happened. I chickened out.”

"Oh," Sam said slowly. "Man, I'm sorry. You deserve to be fucked."

Sebastian blinked, "What?"

"I mean it! It's been so long, maybe you can meet up with Dan at one of his places. I hear he has loads."

Yeah, me too… Seb thought to himself.

"Yep, maybe, whatever, not right now. I've gotta—"

Sebastian's phone began to beep in his ear and he pulled it away.

Incoming Call: Adam (Lawyer)

Fuck.

"Listen, Sam, I gotta go. Lawyer's calling. I'll talk to you later," Sebastian said all too quickly.

"Oh! Okay, yeah, good luck! I'll—"

Sebastian hung up before Sam could even finish the sentence.

"Hey, Adam."

"Hey! Sebastian! You sitting down?"

"Um…" Sebastian said, scratching the back of his neck. "Yes?"

"Great! Just wanted to let you know we've managed to arrange one supervised visit with Elle!"

Sebastian froze. “Wait… one? Just one?”

“Yep, it's tomorrow at two. This is a start, Sebastian. I thought you’d want to know immediately.”

His stomach twisted in an odd combination of anger and relief. He was seeing Elle, which is all he could have hoped for. But it was for one hour. Supervised. And only one time.

“Right… yeah. That’s good. Really good.” He rubbed his forehead, trying to stop the sudden oncoming headache.

“I’ve also sent through the details on the location, supervision protocols, and contact info for the coordinator. I suggest reviewing it all tonight so you’re fully prepared because Emma will be there.”

Fan-fucking-tastic.

“Are you kidding? She's gonna be there?”

“Yes. She’ll be present for the first visit, it was the only way we could get them to agree to it. But don’t worry, she’ll be far away from you, no direct contact.”

Sebastian swallowed hard. His throat felt tight, dry. “Yeah. Okay. Fine.”

He wasn’t sure what else to say. What else could he say? It was that, or nothing.

“Sebastian,” Adam added gently, “this is progress. I know it doesn’t feel like it, but this is a big step. Once the supervisor reports back, hopefully we can start building toward regular visits.”

“Yeah,” Sebastian murmured. “Thanks, Adam.”

They hung up, and for a moment, Sebastian just sat there staring at nothing.

He’d daydreamed about seeing Elle again, probably a thousand times, and what it would be like. Every version started the same way. She’d smile, then she’d run straight into his arms. She’d call him Daddy in that soft, soothing voice of hers. Maybe she still would. But now there’d be Emma and a group of strangers watching, having expectations of all these unspoken rules and boundaries for Sebastian to follow.

He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes, trying to steady his breathing.

By the time Sebastian finally calmed down and lowered his hands, his phone was lighting up again. Sam, of course. He let it ring twice before giving in.

“Before you say anything,” Sebastian said tiredly, “I’m not talking about Dan.”

“Wasn’t going to ask,” Sam replied quickly. "But you hung up on me and I wasn't finished telling you how much I love you!"

Sebastian huffed out a laugh, “You’re so fucking dramatic.”

"I gotta be! Anyway, was just checking on you. I figured it was important if you were that quick to get off the phone."

"Uh, yeah, it kinda is."

"Is it the kind of thing I'm allowed to know about?"

Sebastian leaned back in his chair and sighed, stretching out the growing kink in his neck. “Yeah. I mean, it’s not a secret or anything. The lawyer said they’ve approved one supervised visit with Elle.”

Sam gasped excitedly. “Seb, that’s amazing!”

“It’s… something,” Sebastian said quietly.

“Something? Dude, it’s huge! You’re finally getting to see her! That’s massive!"

“It’s just one hour. Supervised, and Emma’s gonna be there too.”

The enthusiasm in Sam’s voice deflated instantly. “Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh.”

There was a long pause before Sam spoke again. “Still… it’s a start, right? A step in the right direction?”

Seb sighed. “Yeah, the lawyer said the same thing...”

“I get it,” Sam said gently. “You’re not where you want to be yet. But hey, you’re closer than you were yesterday.”

“Yeah. I guess.”

There was a long silence, like both of them were trying to find the right thing to say, when finally Sam broke it. “Do you want me to come with you? Not like, with you, obviously you want time with Elle but, like… nearby? For moral support or to deal with Emma if she tries to do something stupid.”

Sebastian snorted. “Thanks, Sammy. But no, I’ll be fine. I can handle Emma if I need to.”

“I don't doubt that for a fucking second,” Sam laughed. "But I know you too well. You won't sleep tonight and you'll be tired and cranky tomorrow."

“Mm. Probably,” Sebastian agreed.

“Well,” Sam said, “if you can’t sleep, you can always call me. Or, you know, distract yourself with a bit of Dan's insta.”

Seb groaned, “How did I know you'd manage to bring him up again?”

“I'm very predictable. But have you seen it? Bro is fucking ripped.”

“Goodbye, Samson.”

That night, Sebastian did exactly what Sam predicted. He didn’t sleep. He tossed and turned, his mind looping through a billion what-ifs, maybes and scenarios. What if Elle didn’t recognise him? What if she cried? What if she didn’t want to see him at all anymore?

He tried to picture her now. She was probably taller. Her hair would be longer, unless Emma cut it. She'll have definitely lost some of that baby fat in her cheeks. Maybe she'd lost her first tooth already.

God dammit.

By morning, he’d given up on sleep altogether. He had two coffees, changed what outfit he was going to wear three times and grabbed a backpack for Elle.

He'd received the text with the details. They were meeting at a park. A public, neutral place.

It was the same park, he realised as he was walking there, that they'd been to dozens of times. The same swings Sam would push her way too high on, the bench he'd sit at to try and get a little work done while she made friends.

That made his heart hurt.

He arrived fifteen minutes early but there was no way he could sit at home any longer, pacing circles in his tiny kitchen, choking on nerves.

Now, all he could do was sit at the same bench and try not to crumble.

He checked his phone for what felt like the tenth time. 1:54 p.m.

Pacing around the path that surrounded the park felt like a good idea, so he began doing laps. On the third lap, a little voice broke through the fuzziness in his brain.

"Daddy?"

There she was. There Elle was. She was holding the hand of someone Sebastian didn't recognise, but he figured she was the person supervising the visit given that she was wearing a suit and a name badge that read "Deidre".

Sebastian froze. Every thought, every breath, stopped dead in his chest.

Elle was smaller than he remembered but also oddly bigger. Her hair was longer, for sure and she was wearing a yellow sundress that looked like it probably itched.

But, she was real. She was right there.

And she’d said Daddy, just like he'd imagined.

Deidre gave him a small, polite smile. “Sebastian Evans?”

He nodded quickly, wiping his palms on his jeans, not realising how sweaty they were. “Yeah. That’s me.”

“I’m Deidre, I'll be supervising your visit today."

Sebastian nodded then decided to ignore Deidre, crouching down and holding out his arms.

“Hey, baby,” he said softly. “Hey, my girl.”

Elle hesitated and peered up at Deidre, like she was checking if it was really okay, then when Deirdre nodded, she let go of her hand and ran straight into his arms.

She nearly knocked Sebastian off his feet, but he didn't care. Instead, he buried his face in her hair, just breathing her in, tears falling. “I missed you. I missed you so much,” he whispered.

“I missed you too, Daddy,” she said, her voice muffled against his shoulder. “You didn’t come to Christmas.”

His heart cracked clean in half.

“I—I know, baby. I wanted to, so, so much. But I couldn’t.”

"Mommy said no," Elle said plainly.

Yep, mommy did say no. Mommy said no to every fucking thing Sebastian and his team put forward. But Deidre was right there. He couldn't tell Elle that.

"That's… that's okay," he managed shakily. “We’re here now though, yes? That’s what matters.”

Elle nodded like that made perfect sense.

She pulled back and looked him up and down, squinting. “You cut your hair.”

Sebastian laughed softly at the hair that had received a tiny trim weeks ago, brushing a hand through it and dramatically flipping it. “Yeah, I did. You like it?”

She tilted her head. “It’s funny.”

“Funny good or funny bad?”

“Funny... good?”

He laughed, “You know what? I'll take it.”

Deidre gave them both a few steps of space, moving toward a bench and pulling out a clipboard. She wasn’t intrusive or getting in the way, but Sebastian could still feel her there, watching them interact like a fucking hawk.

But when Elle’s tiny hand slipped into his again, he didn't care.

“You brought a bag,” she said, pointing to the backpack still slung over his shoulder.

“Oh, yeah. I did.” He crouched down to the floor and placed it in front of them, unzipping it. “Wanna see what’s inside?”

Her eyes lit up immediately. “Yes!”

Slowly, Sebastian pulled out things he knew she loved that had been left behind when she went away.

Her pencils and paper, packaged up neatly. Her favourite unicorn shirt…

"You packed my stuffy!" Elle exclaimed.

Sebastian beamed, "I sure did. She's better with you than me. Obie tried to eat her three times!"

Elle gasped, "Obie is super naughty."

"Obie is," Sebastian agreed.

The next few things Sebastian pulled out were wrapped in paper.

"Okay, these are some Christmas presents. They aren't too big because I don't know how much space you have but this one is from me."

Elle’s eyes went wide and she tore into the paper immediately, revealing a costume.

"It's Wonder Woman!" Elle exclaimed.

"Yep," Sebastian smiled. "So if you're ever feeling scared or worried, you can just put that on and remember that you are the bravest girl in the world."

Elle’s mouth dropped open in pure awe.

“For me?” she whispered, looking up at him like it was too good to be true.

“For you,” Sebastian confirmed.

"I love it, Daddy!"

She threw herself around him again, hugging him tight until she was distracted by the fact there were more presents.

The remaining ones weren't much. Sam had bought her a colouring book, his mom bought a gift card (just as thoughtful as her son, apparently), but Sebastian saved his favourite for last.

"This one is from Aunt Maru," he explained, passing her a plain, non-descript box.

Elle took it and carefully opened it, finding a heart-shaped pendant on a chain, engraved with an E.

"Oh! That's a pretty necklace," Elle smiled.

"It is," Sebastian agreed. "Now, open it."

Elle frowned in confusion but did as he said, turning the little locket in her hands and pressing the little clasp on the side until it opened. There was a picture inside, the one of her and Sebastian from Uncle Sam's little concert.

Elle gasped, “It’s us!"

Sebastian nodded, “Yeah. Aunt Maru got it and told me I should put a picture of us in it. So even when I’m not there…” he paused, swallowing hard, “…now I still kinda am.”

Elle ran her finger over the picture, smiling. “I like this one. You look happy.”

“I was,” he said quietly. “You always made me happy, Elle.”

She tilted her head up at him and gave him that small, thoughtful smile he loved so much. “You look happy now, too.”

Don't cry again, Seb…

“Yeah,” he said softly. “I am really happy right now.”

Elle smiled, proud of her own observation, then held the pendant up to her neck. “Can you put it on for me, please?”

“Of course.” Sebastian took the chain and draped it around her neck, fastening it at the back. “There. Now it’s officially yours.”

Elle ran her fingers over the locket proudly, then stopped suddenly. “Can I show Mommy?”

Sebastian froze, “Um… maybe later, okay? Let’s just keep it between us for now.”

“Like a secret?”

"Yes," he smiled faintly. “But it's a good secret, okay?"

Deidre smiled faintly from the bench, jotting something down on her clipboard but staying silent and Sebastian prayed she hadn't heard him indirectly encourage his daughter to keep secrets from her mother.

“Daddy?” Elle asked after a moment, reaching for his hand.

“Yeah, baby?”

“Can we go to the swings now?”

Sebastian nodded, "Of course we can."

Swinging his hand lightly, Elle guided Sebastian to the swings and jumped on, waiting expectantly.

Sebastian was very careful about how high he pushed her, despite her pleas to go higher, higher and higher.

Then that's when he saw her. Emma. From the corner of his eyes, sitting on a bench in the distance.

His chest went tight.

He knew she was attending, of course, but there was a part of him that stupidly hoped she'd skip it and just let him had the one hour, one tiny bit of time alone with Elle.

But nope, there she was.

Even from a distance, he could tell she’d dressed up for the part and that made him deeply self-conscious. He was in a simple hoodie and jeans, well-worn converse on his feet. And there was Emma, in a pencil skirt, a neat blouse and tidy flats.

Sebastian swallowed hard, his hands gripping the swing’s chains as he pushed Elle up again.

Don’t look. Just don’t look at her. Focus on Elle. You're here for her.

But of course, his eyes betrayed him.

Emma was pretending not to look at them, her head tipped down staring at her phone he was certain she wasn't actually using. Every few seconds though, her gaze flicked up for a moment before darting away again when she caught Sebastian's eye, and when their eyes did meet, even for that split second, it hit him like a punch to the gut.

He looked away first, swallowing hard and thankfully Elle didn't notice his hands trembling as he held the swing out of the sheer fear of every move he made being scrutinised.

“Higher, Daddy! Please?” Elle called.

Sebastian forced a smile, trying to keep his voice happy and cheerful so Elle didn't get the feeling that anything was amiss. “Alright, just a little bit higher, okay? You know I don't like you going too high.”

Elle giggled, "I know. You get Uncle Sam in trouble when he does."

For a while, maybe five or ten minutes, he couldn't be sure, Sebastian let himself forget that Emma was there. He forgot about Deidre watching him, writing things about his interactions with Elle on the clipboard, the ticking clock that would eventually steal his daughter away again. He just watched her, every small thing she did. How her nose wrinkled when she laughed, and how her tongue slipped out the corner of her mouth when she concentrated on pumping her legs. He tried to burn it all into memory. He knew it had to last him an infinite amount of time because who knew when he'd get the opportunity to see her again?

“Elle,” Deidre called out from the bench, checking her watch. “You’ve got about ten more minutes, sweetheart.”

Ten minutes.

Sebastian watched Elle's face crumple.

“Hey,” he said quietly, crouching down beside Elle again as she slipped off the swing. “Ten more minutes so we’ve gotta make them count, right?”

“Okay,” Elle agreed.

“Did you want to try some of your new colouring books?”

She nodded eagerly and ran to grab the presents she's gotten, plopping down cross-legged on the grass. Sebastian joined her, sitting opposite as she opened the book and flipped through a few pages.

“What should we colour?” he asked, peering at the book because he hadn't really noticed what book Sam had selected.

“This one,” Elle decided, opening the book properly. “It's got Spider-Man and Venom.”

Sebastian laughed, "I thought I said no Venom.”

Elle grinned mischievously “I know.”

Sebastian shrugged. Who was he to say no? Not when he didn't even know when he'd be seeing her next.

She divided the pencils up amongst them both, beginning to select corners each to start filling in.

Sebastian's options were quite limited, having been given green, yellow and blue. But he made it work, deciding to go rogue and start drawing them standing in the grass.

"Daddy! You have to colour in the lines," Elle huffed. "You have to do it properly.”

“Oh, right,” he replied, straightening his back and gripping the pencil like he was asked to paint the Mona Lisa. “Yes, ma’am.”

They coloured quietly for a bit, heads bent close together.

But then Deidre stood up and called softly, “Elle, it’s time to go now.”

Elle’s smile faltered. “Already?”

Sebastian swallowed thickly and sat upright. “Yeah, Elle. I'm sorry. But I’ll see you again soon, okay?”

“When?”

Sebastian blinked, his throat suddenly dry. When. The one question he couldn’t fumble his way through to find an answer.

“I… I don’t know just yet, baby. But soon, I hope. I'm trying my hardest to get to see you more."

Elle quickly looked down at the grass below and when she looked up at him again, her eyes were glassy. “Can’t you just come with me now?”

Ouch. Ouch, ouch, fucking ouch. That hurt.

He reached out, brushing a stray bit of escaped hair from her ponytail off her face. “I wish I could. More than anything. But right now, you have to go with Mommy, okay? That’s just how it is for a little while.”

Her lip quivered, and she glanced toward Emma, who had moved closer to them in anticipation, clearly eager to get out of there.

“Will you be lonely?” Elle whispered.

Sebastian’s chest caved a little. He wanted to lie and tell her he’d be fine, that he’d be busy, that he had so many things to do but that one, wasn't even remotely true, and two, wasn’t what she needed to hear. Because he did miss her and he didn't want her thinking she was replacable and unmissed.

“I’ll miss you a lot,” he said honestly. “But I have Obie, and Uncle Sam comes to visit me sometimes. Plus, I have loads of pictures of you to look at when I get sad and now,” he added, reaching out to touch the locket around her neck, “I’ll be with you, too. So we’ll both have something to look at when we get sad, yeah?”

Elle sniffled, then nodded. “Okay.”

He tried to smile again, even though his own vision was blurring with unshed tears. “That’s my brave girl.”

Deidre gave him a small, sympathetic nod before turning to Elle. “Come on, sweetheart. Let’s go back to Mommy now.”

Elle hesitated, looking between them, and then flung her arms around Sebastian’s neck, clinging to him with all the strength a tiny Wonder Woman could possess. He hugged her back just as fiercely, breathing her in, trying to remember just how small she felt in his arms.

“I love you so much, Elle,” he murmured with a sniffle into her hair.

“I love you too, Daddy,” she whispered.

It took everything in him to let her go.

When she finally did, she backed away slowly, then turned and took Diedre's hand who took her back to Emma.

Sebastian stood there, frozen in place, as he watched them walk away, feeling his heart shatter all over again.

Then, just like that, they were gone. He was alone again.

Chapter Text

Once a month. That was the deal that was finally struck. Sebastian was allowed to have Elle one day a month, not at his apartment, it had to be in public.

Sebastian was furious. He had been warned by Adam that the court system made it very difficult for dad's, but despite his glowing first visit with Elle, where Deidre noted their positive interactions and how happy Elle was, he was still only given one day a fucking month.

Bullshit.

Still, Sebastian took whatever crumbs he was given and always made sure Elle had the best time with the limited moments together they had.

After his third visit, Sebastian had moved into the new apartment. It took everything in him not to just sneak Elle away and let her see it, but soon. Soon she would. One day he took her shopping, letting her buy some toys and clothes in a bigger size that she could keep at his place for when (not if) she was allowed to visit there.

He never said it outright, but every choice he made in that apartment was for their future. A soft pink blanket she’d picked out herself. A set of pencils and a stack of paper to put on her new desk. A stuffed unicorn she’d hugged tight in the store and declared “the squishiest thing ever", like every other stuffed unicorn she had wasn't exactly the same.

He stored it all carefully in the second bedroom, her bedroom, the one he refused to call anything else. Elle's bedroom.

The apartment didn’t feel whole without her, but at least it felt ready for when she came home.

Three months into living in his new apartment that felt way too big for just him and the price he was paying, he received yet another call from Adam, expecting nothing but "we're working on it", which is all he ever got anymore.

"Hey, Adam," Sebastian answered the call, exasperated as he continued to work on a line of code on his computer.

"Sebastian! Is this a good time?"

Nope.

"Yeah, sure. What's up?"

"Great! We've got your court date."

Sebastian froze mid-keystroke.

“My… my court date?” he repeated slowly.

“Yep!” Adam confirmed. “We’ll be in front of the judge next month, filing for you to have full custody. Our case is good, mate. The reports from the social workers have been glowing, I believe they've also talked to Elle too and got her thoughts on the situation. I think this is it.”

Sebastian’s heart stumbled in his chest.

Full custody.

He’d spent so long just fighting for scraps of time with her that the idea he could have full custody again didn’t feel real.

“You think I'll get full custody? Not 50/50?"

“I sure hope so,” Adam replied, with a chuckle. “The case we've got against Emma makes her look awful. Giving her anything more than the bare minimum she's given you is more than she deserves.”

Sebastian frowned. While he was certainly indifferent towards Emma, she was the mother of his child. Elle was always clean and tidy and never said much in the way of complaints about her when she came to visit… he almost felt guilty for how bad of a person they were making Emma sound just for him to get what he wanted.

But she was a bad person… right?

“Sebastian?” Adam’s voice snapped him out of his thoughts. “You there?”

“Yeah,” Sebastian said quickly, clearing his throat. “Sorry, just… processing it all.”

“Understandable. This is big news.”

“Yeah. Yeah, it is.” He forced a laugh. “Feels weird hearing it out loud.”

“Don’t overthink it. You’ve worked hard to get here. The evidence is on your side, just trust the process and let us do the rest.”

Sebastian nodded, even though Adam couldn’t see him. “Right. Thanks. I appreciate everything you’ve done.”

When they said goodbye and the call ended, the silence returned. Sebastian hoped the apartment wouldn't be silent for much longer.

The month between Sebastian taking the call that told him he had a court date and the actual court date flew by. One minute, he was telling Sam and his family that he finally had a date set, the next he was staring at himself in the bathroom mirror, fixing his new suit he'd bought and pulling his hair back into a bun, trying to make it look somewhat neat and professional.

When he looked in the mirror, he barely recognised his own reflection. The suit was a dark grey, pressed and tailored neatly, nothing like he'd ever worn in his life. His tie sat a little crooked no matter how hard he tried to straighten it and his new dress shoes felt too tight.

But at least he looked grown-up and responsible, hopefully like the kind of man a judge might think could raise a child on his own.

The entire cab ride over to the court house, Sebastian fought the waves of nausea washing over him.

He’d done big things before. Job interviews, solo presentations for work, moving from his tiny town to the city with nothing but a suitcase and a prayer. But none of that even came close to what he was about to do. Every second of the past year had been leading to that moment, the moment he'd step into a courtroom and learn he and his daughters fate and he couldn’t shake the awful feeling that one wrong word could ruin everything.

The cab slowed to a stop outside the courthouse and he stepped out quickly, thankful for the cold air smacking him in the face as he climbed out that reminded him to breathe unless he wanted to pass out.

“Sebastian!”

He turned to see Adam walking towards him, all confident and cheery and Sebastian was just glad at least one of them was confident.

“Good to see you,” Adam said, clapping him on the shoulder. “You scrub up well. How’re you feeling?”

Sebastian gave a short, forced laugh, “Like I might throw up.”

Adam grinned, "Good. That's a good thing. Anyway, they'll send us in soon, shall we?"

Sebastian nodded silently and followed Adam up the stairs and inside the courthouse.

It felt like hours to get checked in and sorted until finally, Sebastian was ushered inside and took a seat at the front with his lawyers. Then Emma entered, sitting opposite. Sebastian tried desperately not to be bothered by her, not to look at her but his gaze kept drifting toward her anyway.

She looked calm, which was annoying because Sebastian was sure he was a sweaty, anxious mess. Her light brown hair was pulled back neatly in a slick ponytail, she was wearing an outfit not too dissimilar to what she'd worn at the park that one time like the snobby bitch she was trying hard to be, apparently, and her hands were folded neatly and calmly in her lap.

He look a deep breath and forced his eyes forward, focusing on the judge as she entered and not the calm and composed mother of his child. The judge looked stern, middle-aged, sharp-eyed and that made him even more nervous.

“All rise,” the bailiff announced.

Sebastian stood, swallowing hard, wiping his sweaty hands on his trousers. Adam leaned in slightly, whispering, “Focus on the judge. Not Emma. Stay calm.”

He nodded. He was certainly trying to.

Then it started. A lot of the first part was handled by the lawyers. Affidavits being presented, the existing court order, Sebastian's contest to the court order… then came the fun part. Pleading his case.

The first part called for the social workers. This one, Sebastian didn't know. It wasn't Deidre. Apparently her name was Sophie or something. She stood, cleared her throat and shuffled through some papers.

"Over the course of the last six months, we have been working with both Mr. Sebastian Evans and Ms. Emma Pearson to assess their suitability as the primary guardian for Miss Elodie Evans," she began. "Ms. Pearson's home is a small, two-bedroom apartment in Zuzu City. It is presented as clean and tidy, and she has ensured that Miss Evans’ basic needs have been met,” Sophie continued. “However, there were a few concerns regarding consistency for Miss Evans' education with missed school days and a late enrolment when Elodie was moved from her current school Mr. Evans had enrolled her in. While Ms. Pearson demonstrates care for Miss Evans, the child’s wishes and reports indicate a desire for more stability and a stronger relationship with her father, Mr. Evans.”

More papers shuffled.

"In the case of Mr. Sebastian Evans, his home also presented as clean and tidy. We did note that Mr. Evans home, a one-bedroom apartment also in Zuzu City, was on the smaller side with Mr. Evans and Miss Evans sharing a bedroom. We have, however, been made aware that Mr. Evans has recently moved to a larger apartment, giving Miss Evans her own sleeping quarters."

Paper shuffling again…

"We took the opportunity to engage in a conversation with Miss Evans, who appeared happy, healthy and intelligent. She expressed that she enjoys her time with both parents, but that she misses the time she spent with her father before the previous court arrangement. She spoke fondly of her father’s home, his care and attention, and the activities they do together. Miss Evans indicated a want to spend more time with her father and expressed a desire to move back to his home, rather than stay with Ms. Pearson."

Sophie looked up at the judge. “In summary, while both parents provide adequate care, the recommendation in the best interests of the child is that Mr. Evans be granted custody, with visitation for Ms. Pearson to maintain her relationship with Miss Evans, ensuring stability and continuity for Miss Evans' wellbeing."

The judge cleared her throat and began shuffling through more papers while Sebastian waited with bated breath.

"So…" she cleared her throat. "Alongside the child welfare report, I understand both sides have provided and exchanged discovery documents?"

Both Adam and Emma's lawyer agreed with a nod of their heads.

The judge nodded slowly and pushed her glasses up her nose as she scanned through the thick pile of documents laid out on the bench.

“Very well,” she said at last. “We’ll begin with opening statements, starting with Mr. Evans’ counsel. You may proceed.”

Adam rose smoothly, buttoning his jacket as if he’d done this a thousand times before, which Sebastian hoped he had. He cleared his throat slightly and began to speak.

“Your Honour, as I'm sure you're aware, this case is, at its core, about stability. It’s about ensuring that a young girl, in this case Miss Elodie Evans, has the environment and consistency she needs to thrive. My client and Elodie's father, Mr. Sebastian Evans, has taken many steps over the last year and beyond to provide this for the daughter Ms. Pearson purposefully kept from him. He moved into more consistent employment, secured bigger and more stable housing, and displayed unwavering commitment to his daughter’s wellbeing as you can see through the numerous receipts for her medical care and school reports he has retained. Mr. Evans has complied with every court order despite the unjust balance, every supervised visit and has proven himself to be the best, most fitting parent for Elodie to reside with.”

He paused briefly, glancing down at his notes before continuing. “While I acknowledge that Ms. Pearson has made efforts to improve her situation, there is a documented pattern of instability in her care. Frequent changes in residency, inconsistent school attendance. There is a police report from the day Ms. Pearson left Elodie with my client without him having any prior knowledge of her existence. We are not here to judge Ms. Pearson’s past, but rather to assess the present and the future. And in that regard, it is clear that Mr. Evans is in the best position to provide Elodie with the consistency, structure, and emotional security she needs due to Ms. Pearson's tendency to leave Elodie for unknown and extended periods of time. As such, we will demonstrate through testimony and evidence that awarding primary custody to Mr. Evans is in Elodie’s best interests.”

He sat down.

Sebastian felt like he’d been holding his breath the entire time. Holy shit. Adam was good. He'd hoped so for the amount he'd paid for him.

Emma’s lawyer, a tall woman who looked very proper and very expensive, stood up next. “Your Honour,” she began, “my client, Ms. Pearson, acknowledges her past difficulties. However, rest assured that those challenges are behind her. She has maintained sobriety for a year and has subjected herself to numerous drug and toxin screens as evidence. She has secured stable employment, having worked at a local bar and restaurant for six months, and has been the primary caregiver for Miss Evans throughout this period, when the original court order came into place. The existing custody arrangement was established precisely to ensure Elodie’s safety and stability with the person who raised her all of her life, and it has served its purpose well as Elodie is now thriving.”

She flicked her gaze toward Sebastian, then back to the judge. “While Mr. Evans may provide a comfortable environment and clearly loves his daughter, it is our position that uprooting Elodie from her current home and school would be unnecessarily disruptive. Continuity of care is vital at her age, and Ms. Pearson has demonstrated her ability to meet her daughter’s needs. We will show that the current arrangement should remain in place.”

Okay, she was good too… even if it was Emma who'd caused the disruption in the first place.

The judge looked between both tables. “Thank you, counsel. We’ll now proceed with direct examination. Mr. Evans...”

Sebastian froze. His throat went dry. He was never one for public speaking but that was a walk in the park compared to the fucking grilling he knew he was about to get, worried one wrong word could undo everything he'd worked so hard for.

Adam leaned over, patting his shoulder. “Up you get. We got this.”

Sebastian rose and his legs automatically carried him towards the stand. Once he was sworn in, Adam approached him with a reassuring smile that really didn't help him calm down much at all.

“Mr. Evans,” Adam began, “can you tell the court about your relationship with your daughter?”

Sebastian hesitated for half a second before beginning with a slight fumble. “Elle—uh, Elodie—she's everything to me. When I first met her a year ago, I didn’t even know she existed,” Sebastian said, trying desperately hard not to let his voice break. “But from the second I met her, it just… clicked. She’s smart, funny, kind and so talented. I knew right away that I’d do anything to make sure she had what she needed. I’ve tried to make up for the time I missed, but mostly I just… I just try to be her dad. Every day.”

Adam nodded. “And in the time since you’ve met her, what steps have you taken to provide for her?"

"I started by getting her everything she needed. When she was left in my care, she had very little clothing, no toys or any personal items. Then I got a bed for her, took her to medical appointments, got her back on her vaccine schedule. I got a stable job with health insurance, moved to part-time hours so I could be there to pick her up and drop her off at school. While it was true we were sharing a bedroom, I have now moved into a bigger apartment where she can have her own room… really, I just want Elle to be safe and happy and not be worried about where she'll be living in the next six months."

Adam smiled faintly, then turned to the judge. “No further questions, Your Honour.”

The judge gave a curt nod, shoving her glasses up her nose again, making Sebastian wonder if it would be inappropriate to tell her she should go and get them adjusted since they kept slipping so often. “Counsel for Ms. Pearson?”

Emma’s lawyer stood and her heels clicking loudly across the floor, each step making Sebastian flinch with nerves.

“Mr. Evans,” she began, “you’ve described yourself as a dedicated father. Yet, isn’t it true that for the majority of the past few months, your contact with your daughter was limited to supervised visits?”

“Yes,” he admitted, “because of the court order. But I attended every visit, on time, and—”

She raised a hand, cutting him off. “So you would agree that Ms. Pearson has been the primary caregiver for that duration of time?”

“Technically, yes. But that doesn’t—”

“Thank you,” she said calmly, interrupting him again. “And during that same period, Miss Evans has attended school, received healthcare, and maintained consistent housing under Ms. Pearson’s care?”

Adam started to rise, but the judge motioned for him to wait.

“I… I guess so. She appears to be looked after, but there have been times—”

Again, the lawyer interrupted. “Times when what, Mr. Evans?”

He exhaled through his nose before he lost his ever-loving shit at her. “When Emma left her with others for days without warning. When Elodie missed school because Emma didn’t take her. When—”

“Those are serious claims, Mr. Evans. Do you have evidence of these incidents?”

"Emma's brother, Harry, he told—"

“Objection,” Emma’s lawyer snapped immediately. “Hearsay.”

“Your Honour, if I may—” Adam started, but the judge held up a hand.

“Sustained,” the judge said. “Mr. Evans, you’ll need to keep your answers to direct knowledge or documented evidence. Please continue.”

Sebastian swallowed hard, because everything he knew about Emma's inconsistency was going to be turned in as hearsay, apparently. Well, except for Emma leaving Elle with him.

“Yes—sorry," Sebastian stammered. "Then… no.”

Emma’s lawyer smiled like she'd won and that made Sebastian sweat more than he already was. “Mr. Evans, would you say that Ms. Pearson loves her daughter?”

“Yes,” Sebastian answered immediately. “I know she does.”

“And do you believe that taking Elodie from her mother entirely would be in her best interest?”

Sebastian hesitated and resisted the urge to simply start chewing his fingernails off.

“I don’t want to take her from her mom,” he said carefully, watching every single word he said. “I just want Elle to have a stable home, a place she knows she can always come back to, where she doesn’t have to wonder if someone’s leaving again. I want her to have both of us in her life, but she needs that base. And I can give her that.”

For a split second, it was like Emma's lawyer didn't know how to respond. She pressed her lips together, then gave a curt nod. “No further questions.”

Sebastian let out a shaky breath as she returned to her seat. His palms were slick with sweat, but he forced himself to stay composed until the judge finally dismissed him.

“Thank you, Mr. Evans. You may step down.”

Thank fuck.

He stood and returned to his seat as fast as he could without it looking like he was running.

“You did so good,” Adam murmured. “That's exactly what we needed.”

Sebastian wasn’t so sure. His heart was still hammering, he was still buzzing from being called out on hearsay. But he couldn't do much more than take Adam's word for it and hope he wasn't just being nice.

“Ms. Pearson,” the judge said finally, turning her attention to the other table. “You may take the stand.”

Sebastian watched as Emma stood slowly, smoothing her skirt. As she walked past, she didn’t glance his way, not once.

When she was sworn in, Emma’s lawyer approached with a reassuring smile, quite the opposite of what she was throwing him moments earlier.

“Ms. Pearson,” she began softly and sweetly, “can you tell the court a little about your relationship with your daughter?”

"Certainly," Emma nodded. "She's my whole life. Elodie is the reason I got clean."

Also the reason you started the habit in the first place… Sebastian thought with a discreet roll of his eyes.

"Everything I’ve done this past year has been for her. I know I made mistakes before, mistakes I’ll regret forever, but I’ve worked very hard to fix them. I’ve kept every drug test clean, and I’ve got a home. She’s safe with me, she’s happy, and I’m proud of how far we’ve come.”

Sebastian’s stomach turned. He didn’t doubt that Emma loved Elle, he never had, it was probably why she left Elle with him rather than exposing her to whatever illegal shit Emma liked to do in her spare time, but hearing her say it like that, so controlled and polished, made him sick. He could already tell her lawyer had rehearsed this with her over and over again.

It continued. The picture-perfect mother who had overcome adversity to redeem herself, and every word made Sebastian’s jaw clench tighter.

“Ms. Pearson,” her lawyer continued gently, “how would you describe Elodie’s life with you now?”

Emma smiled. “She’s definitely thriving. She has her own room, she’s surrounded by love, and she’s at a good school with good friends, her grades are fantastic. We have a routine now. I take her to school, I pick her up, we cook together, we read before bed. She’s stable now, Your Honour. I know what instability feels like, so I’ve made sure she doesn’t have to.”

Her voice trembled slightly on that last part, and Sebastian could almost see the tears threatening to surface. Of fucking course.

Adam leaned towards him, whispering in his ear, “Don’t react.”

Sebastian realised his sour expression must have given something away because his jaw was practically locked and his fists were balled up and sweaty under the table.

Emma’s lawyer gave a sympathetic nod and left. “No further questions.”

The judge looked to Adam and gestured towards Emma. “Mr. Parker.”

Adam rose slowly, and approached Emma the same sort of scary way her lawyer had done to Sebastian earlier “Ms. Pearson, you mentioned your daughter has her own room at home. How long have you been at your current residence?”

“A few months,” she replied quickly.

“And where were you before that?”

Emma blinked and stuttered. “I—I stayed with friends for a little while. It was only temporary.”

“How long was ‘a little while’?”

Emma paused and narrowed her eyes, like she knew exactly where Adam was going with his questioning. "Maybe… six months."

Adam nodded. “And where was Elodie? Was she with you while you lived between houses?”

Emma hesitated, “N—No, she was with her father.”

“Mmhm,” Adam nodded. “And she was with her father the entire time?"

"Yes."

"Would you say her father was aware that Elodie would be staying with him?"

"I… no…"

"Would you also say that her father was aware of Elodie's existence before dropping her off with him?"

"N—no, but—"

"And why is that?"

"Because, I—" Emma fumbled. Sebastian could see the tears welling in her eyes and this time they weren't fake. These were real. She was panicking. "I never told him that I was pregnant."

“You never told Mr. Evans that he had a daughter?”

Emma shook her head. “N—no. I was scared. I didn't know if he wanted to be involved.”

“So, for the first five years of Elodie’s life, Mr. Evans was unaware of her existence?"

"Yes."

"And you, as Elodie's mother, decided to leave her in the care of a complete stranger for an undisclosed and indefinite amount of time, not knowing if he'd even want to take care of her?"

"I—"

"Even with the risk of Elodie ending up in the foster system if he didn't want to accept responsibility of her?"

"Objection!" Emma's lawyer interjected. "Relevance?"

The judge hummed, "Sustained. Make your point, Mr. Parker."

"Oh, I am," Adam smirked. "So, if I understand all of this correctly, you hid the pregnancy and existence of Elodie from her father, my client, Mr. Evans, arranged to meet him in a cafe and left Elodie in his care without even asking. Instead, you simply left without a word?"

“…Yes.”

"So you didn’t ask if he was prepared to care for her, you didn’t verify that he had the means to do so, and you didn’t return for six months. Is that also correct?”

Emma’s hands twisted in her lap and her head dipped. “I thought she’d be safe with him. I just needed time.”

“Time for what, Ms. Pearson?”

Emma blinked rapidly. “To… get clean.”

Adam nodded slowly, even though they both knew she was doing everything but getting clean in those six months. “And during that time you didn’t contact Mr. Evans at all to check on your daughter?”

“No…"

Sebastian’s throat went tight. He wanted to be angry, he was angry, but there was something deep in his chest that twisted into pity. Maybe it was because Adam was absolutely savaging her.

“Ms. Pearson, would you say that leaving your daughter with a man who didn’t even know he was a father, without warning or consent, could be considered irresponsible?”

Emma’s lawyer jumped to her feet. “Objection! Argumentative!”

“Sustained,” the judge said.

Adam gave a small, polite nod and cleared his throat. “Withdrawn. Ms. Pearson, I’ll rephrase. Do you accept that, at the time, you were not in a position to safely care for Elodie?”

Emma hesitated before finally answering. “Yes.”

“And do you accept that, during that period, Mr. Evans provided her with a safe and stable environment?”

The tears were well and truly rolling down her cheeks now. “Yes.”

“Thank you. No further questions.”

Emma was dismissed and returned to her seat, her lawyer placing a hand on her back and rubbing gently as she offered her a tissue.

“That,” Adam whispered as he also took his seat, “was the moment.”

Sebastian nodded, but something inside him hurt. He thought it would make him feel vindicated, even victorious to watch Emma be called out for all her wrongdoings, but instead it just made him feel dejected.

The judge cleared her throat, bringing Sebastian back to reality. “We’ll take a brief recess before a decision is made.”

Everyone rose, the judge left and Sebastian walked out with Adam.

“You did everything right, Sebastian, you've got this. I know it."

Sebastian nodded softly, rubbing his palms together. “Yeah. I just wish it didn’t have to feel like this.”

Adam gave him a sympathetic look and a pat on the shoulder. “It’s custody court. It’s always gonna feel like this.”

That didn't help him at all, in fact, it made him feel worse. Not only because he was the one going through it, but because his parents would have had to do the same thing over him. His only saving grace was that Elle wasn't witnessing any of it, just like he hadn't with his parents.

Sebastian couldn't bring himself to eat anything during the recess. There were sandwiches provided, but none looked appetising, at least, none that would taste good the second time when he inevitably spewed from nerves. Instead, he sat on the bench outside the courtroom, elbows resting on his knees, staring at the grey tiles beneath his shoes.

He stayed that way until they got the warning they were due back in the courtroom.

Adam touched his arm gently. “You ready?”

Sebastian nodded, but he wasn't ready at all. He was never fucking ready.

When they stepped back into the courtroom, Emma was already there. Sebastian thought he noticed her eyes were red and puffy, but he didn't want to stare at her for too long.

Once everyone was seated and the judge had returned, the room grew quiet until she shuffled some papers around and cleared her throat.

“I have considered all evidence and testimony presented today in regards to the custody of Miss Elodie Evans,” the judge began. “It is clear to me that both parents care deeply for her and wish to play an active role in her upbringing. However, the court must act in the best interests of the child.”

Aaaaand they'll say that's with a mother, for sure…

“Ms. Pearson, while I acknowledge that you have taken significant steps in recent months to improve your circumstances and commend you on such, I cannot ignore the period of time in which you left your child in the care of Mr. Evans, and the fact that you deliberately ignored the attempts for mediation, and the parenting orders served to you."

Emma’s head sank lower.

Then the judge turned to Sebastian. “Mr. Evans, you have demonstrated consistent employment, stable housing, and a capacity to provide care for Elodie since she came into your care. I have also taken into consideration Elodie's wishes, which were communicated via her social worker. So, considering all these factors, primary physical custody of Elodie Evans will be granted to Mr. Sebastian Evans. Ms. Pearson will be granted supervised visitation on a monthly basis, with the possibility of review in six months, subject to continued progress in sobriety and stability.”

Oh. Holy shit. Holy shit.

Sebastian barely heard anything else that was said as Adam wrapped his arm around Sebastian's shoulder and shook him gently.

"You did it, Sebastian!"

"Yeah… I guess I did," he mumbled in response.

He gathered enough sense to finally lift his head and gazed over at Emma. She was speaking softly with her lawyer, tears streaking down her cheeks. For a moment, he thought about going over and saying something, but what could he say? "Thank you for giving me my daughter back" sounded cruel. "I’m sorry" didn’t feel right either.

So he stayed where he was.

“Come on,” Adam said gently. “Let’s get you out of here. I'll bet the social worker will be dropping Elle off in a few hours. This time, for good."

Chapter Text

"When was the last time I felt like this? Dark desire and tainted bliss."

"Where's Obie?"

Good to see you too, kiddo…

Sebastian laughed despite feeling ever so slightly offended that his daughters first thought coming home was "where is the cat?".

"He's probably hiding under the sofa," Sebastian said, pointing at the couch.

Elle ran right inside, practically diving to the floor, making kissy noises underneath the couch, trying to coax the cat out.

While Elle was distracted, Sebastian collected her small bag of things she'd brought with her and placed them in her bedroom, hanging up her coat, putting her stuffy on her bed when suddenly, Elle appeared behind him, Obie purring softly in her arms.

"Woah…" she said with wide eyes, the sort that only small children experiencing wonder could have.

"Cool, right?" Sebastian said, stepping out of the way so Elle could take in her new bedroom.

She stepped further inside, her little mouth falling open as she turned in a slow circle, taking in every inch of the space.

Her bed was pushed against the wall, strawberry sheets freshly washed and organised on the bed as neatly as Sebastian could manage on it. Her drawings he'd kept were framed and hanging on the wall near the window. A small bookshelf sat in the corner, stacked with her favourite picture books, a few new ones he couldn’t resist buying and a stack of new and old comic books. Then, she looked up. A roof full of glow stars.

“Is… is this all for me?” she whispered.

Sebastian swallowed past the lump forming in his throat. “Yeah, baby. All yours.”

Elle gasped softly and set Obie down. The cat immediately leapt onto the bed and curled up, already making himself at home which had Elle quickly grabbing her stuffy to avoid an incident.

She tucked her stuffy under her arms and ran her hands over the familiar blanket, testing out the pillow.

“You even put my unicorn picture up!” she exclaimed, pointing to a colourful crayon drawing framed near the lamp.

“Of course I did,” Sebastian said. “No room’s complete without a handmade unicorn picture.”

Elle giggled and climbed up onto the bed.

“Can I really stay here?” she asked quietly.

Sebastian sat on the edge of the bed beside her and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Yeah. This is your home now. You’ve got your own room, your own bed… and me.”

She leaned against his arm, wrapping her little hand around his wrist.

“Do we get to have pancakes here too?” she asked softly.

Sebastian laughed.

Here he was thinking she was being sweet, instead she was cozying up to him to get what she wanted. But, of course, she was getting what she wanted.

“You bet."

Sebastian gave Elle three days to settle back in and enjoy her new home before the inevitable need to go back to work and school crept up on them both. Thankfully, Sebastian's new apartment wasn't too far from his old one and he managed to enrol her back in the same school.

The first few days felt almost like a dream. Very slow mornings with boxed pancakes, afternoons spent reading comics and playing games on the TV together in the living room. Finally, his new apartment felt full of life.

But by the fourth morning, reality tapped on his shoulder.

“Okay, Elle,” Sebastian said, crouching by the kitchen counter, flipping through a stack of paperwork from the school. “We’ve got to go meet your new teacher today. You remember what we talked about?”

Elle nodded, mouth full of cereal and sadly not pancakes. “Be polite and no talking about Obie's big poop he did on the bathroom floor.”

Sebastian stifled a laugh. “Right.”

She swallowed and looked up at him seriously. “Do I have to tell my old friends where I went?”

He paused, lowering the papers and placing the pen behind his ear. “Only if you want to. If they ask, you can tell them you went with your mom for a while, or you can tell them to stick it.”

"Stick it?" Elle laughed.

"Yeah, actually, don't say that. Just say you went away but you're super excited to be back."

Elle grinned, “Okay. I’ll say I went on a top-secret adventure.”

Sebastian smiled and went back to filling out forms. “That works too.”

She hopped down from the stool, rushing off to find her shoes, cereal milk still dripping from her chin that Sebastian tried to wipe away with a tissue, earning himself a frown and a swat of her hands.

By the time they got to the school, Elle’s excitement had dimmed. The playground was as busy as Sebastian remembered it to be, but he figured it was the kind of busy that seemed overwhelming when you'd been somewhere else for the better part of a year.

Sebastian came to a stop and knelt beside her on the path, brushing a strand of hair from her face. “Hey. You’re okay. Remember, your new teacher’s name is Mrs Peters. She already knows you’re coming today.”

Elle looked up at him, chewing her lip. “I don't get Mrs Carter anymore?”

“No, sorry, Elle” Sebastian said. “But I bet Mrs Peters is just as cool. She'll love you.”

That earned a small smile, and she nodded, slipping her tiny hand into his. Together, they walked up the steps and through the gates.

Mrs Peters turned out to be a kind-faced woman, a little older than Mrs Carter, with glasses that slid down her nose every time she smiled, which was apparently very often because Sebastian watched her push them back up at least 3 times.

“You must be Elle,” she said warmly, crouching a little to meet her eye level. "Mrs Carter told me amazing things about you! Should I take you to our classroom and show you where to put your things?"

Elle hesitated for only a moment before nodding, still clutching Sebastian’s hand. He gave her palm a reassuring squeeze.

“You’ll be okay,” he murmured. “I’ll be right here when the bell goes this afternoon, promise.”

“Promise?” she asked softly, squeezing his hand back.

“Promise.”

Mrs Peters smiled gently. “How about we go see where your cubby is, Elle? You can even choose your own sticker label. We have stars, butterflies, fairies, unicorns...”

Elle perked up immediately. "Unicorns!”

Mrs Peters laughed softly, peering at Elle's unicorn bedazzled backpack, “I had a feeling you’d say that. Come on then, let's go pick your cubby.”

Elle finally let go of Sebastian’s hand and followed her teacher, turning to wave goodbye with a smile that made Sebastian feel a little better.

He distracted himself by getting a double espresso on the way home then threw himself straight into work.

By the time he'd finished his two meetings and did two straight hours of coding, only stopping to pee once, it was already time to pick her up.

The moment Sebastian saw her running out of the school gates, her backpack bouncing along with her, he felt something in his chest loosen because she looked so damn happy.

“Daddy!” she called, sprinting the last few steps and practically colliding into his legs.

He caught her, laughing as he swung her up into a hug. “How was it?”

“So good! Mrs Peters has soooo many stickers. And I made a friend named Ruby. She says her dog eats her socks.”

That made Sebastian smile harder.

When they got home after making a quick detour at the store for some groceries, Elle immediately kicked off her shoes and flopped onto the couch while Sebastian headed to the kitchen. “Last-minute snack time before dinner. What are we thinking? Apple slices or a sandwich?”

“Pancakes,” she replied plainly without hesitation.

“You mean the same pancakes you eat for breakfast?”

She rolled her eyes, as if to say 'duh, dad'.

“Those are morning pancakes. These are after-school pancakes.”

"No."

"Awww, come on, pleaaaase?"

"Nope, you can't have pancakes for every meal."

Elle slid dramatically off the couch and dropped to her knees on the kitchen floor, clasping her hands together. “Please? I’ll help! I’ll even do the whisking part!”

"Elle!" he scolded, "How about I make them on Saturday morning?"

She seemed to ponder Sebastian's proposition, humming softly then sighing with a nod of her head. "Fine. I'll have apples and peanut butter then…"

Sebastian chuckled to himself, taking an apple from the fruit bowl and beginning to chop it up when a sharp knock rattled the front door.

Sebastian froze.

Fuck.

No.

Not again.

He pushed away from the counter so fast the knife fell to the floor.

“Who’s that?” Elle said, turning towards the door.

“I—uh—” He swallowed hard. “Stay here, okay?”

But she was already moving. “I’ll get it!”

“Elle, wait—”

She darted across the room before he could stop her and reached for the handle, flinging the door open.

Sebastian braced himself then exhaled all at once when he saw who was standing there.

Dan, in jeans and a hoodie.

"Hey, I—uh," Dan's eyes darted down to the little girl standing at her feet. "Shit."

Sebastian practically sprinted to the door, shoving Elle behind him like he could pretend Dan hadn't just laid eyes on her.

"Hey, Dan, didn't expect you to, uh… be here."

"Yeah, sorry," Dan replied scratching his head. "I was in the area and thought I'd pop by with a welcome gift for my newest tenant and his… uh… daughter, I guess."

Fuck.

Sebastian could feel his pulse in his throat. He’d known this moment was coming eventually. He was living in one of Dan's homes, so he figured he'd have met Elle eventually, but he hadn’t expected it to happen like that. Unexpected and unplanned.

He cleared his throat and stepped aside. “Right. Uh, yeah. Come in.”

Dan hesitated for a half-second before crossing the threshold, holding a small basket in front of him. “Didn’t mean to interrupt anything. Just brought a little gift basket. Has some muffins, jam… I don't know, some other crap people get when they move into a house that will never get eaten.”

"Muffins!?" Elle exclaimed, taking the basket Dan was still holding out in front of him and scurrying off to the sofa to dig right in.

Sebastian managed a small laugh as he watched Elle go, rubbing the back of his neck. “You really didn’t have to.”

“Eh, I know,” Dan shrugged. "Just wanted to do something nice and… apologise."

"What do you have to apologise for?" Sebastian snorted back a laugh. "It's me who should be apologising. I ruined our night."

Dan waved him off, "Nah, I get it. You want to protect her. Though, I will admit, last time I spoke to Sam, I heard you were still fighting to get her back… I didn't think she'd be here when I came to visit."

"Got her back last week, actually."

“Wow. Well, congratulations.”

Sebastian smiled faintly, "Thanks."

There was a quiet beat that lingered probably too long until Sebastian spoke before his brain could catch up and tell him that it might be inappropriate to say it.

"Did you, uh… do you want to maybe stay? For, uh, for dinner that is. Then you can go home. Not, like, stay later or… fuck, sorry."

Dan laughed, "Relax, Seb. I know what you mean. Whatcha cookin'?"

Sebastian choked on his own spit, because he hadn't banked on cooking but also because Dan had used the shortened version of his name which caught him off guard entirely.

"Oh, uh, I was planning on getting pizza, actually," Sebastian said, idly scratching the back of his neck.

"Pizza!?" Elle chimed from the couch, mouth stuffed full of blueberry muffin.

Dan grinned, “Pizza sounds perfect.”

This time, Sebastian insisted he pay for it, not particularly wanting Dan to spend another cent on him, even though the money in Dan's pockets came from Sebastian's rent anyway.

He placed the order quickly, grateful for the excuse to busy himself with his phone and not with the heat crawling up the back of his neck from simply being around Dan again.

While he scrolled and selected a few pizzas and sides, Elle had managed to polish off an entire muffin and was inspecting the rest of the basket with narrowed eyes.

"There's honey in here," she announced. "And jam. And… ew, pickles?"

"Hey, pickles are good, ever tried them?" Dan asked, dropping into the armchair opposite the couch.

"Nope, they're gross," Elle frowned, wrinkling her nose.

Sebastian turned back to the room and went to announce dinner was on it's way when he caught sight of Dan opening the jar of pickles, eating one before offering Elle the jar, who screwed up her nose with a dramatic "blegh".

He felt his heart do some weird flippy thing, not quite sure what it was, but enough to make him realise if it lingered too long he'd have to visit a hospital.

To distract himself from that unusual feeling, he sat down and informed them the pizza was about twenty-minutes away, which was correct.

After a tiny bit of small talk, there was a knock on the door and that time, Sebastian told Elle to not simply run and answer the door without a grown up.

Elle frowned.

Sebastian collected the food and sent the driver off with a tip then placed the pizzas on the coffee table and grabbed paper plates to save washing up (hallelujah!).

They ate sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of the coffee table, Elle already diving in for the biggest slice of cheese pizza, falling into easy conversation, something Sebastian wasn't usually adept at.

But chatting with Dan—sober—felt good and somewhat natural.

He asked Elle about school, she quizzed him on his superhero knowledge, Dan asked Sebastian how many 0s and 1s he reckoned he looked at in a single week. The basic stuff. It was the kind of moment Sebastian hadn’t realised he’d been craving until it was right there, happening in his living room.

By the time Elle had slowed down on the food, half asleep, face covered in tomato sauce, Sebastian nudged her gently.

"Shower then bed."

"Aw, please? Can I stay up just a little?"

"Nope, if you want pancakes in the morning, you better get a good nights rest."

That seemed to win Elle over and she took herself off to collect her pyjamas and headed into the bathroom.

Dan insisted on helping Sebastian clean up, even if it was just emptying the plates into the trash and taking the empty boxes out to recycle, but it made it light work, and by the time they were done, Elle emerged all wet-haired and fresh in her favourite unicorn pyjamas.

"Goodnight Daddy, goodnight Dan," she said sleepily, stifling a yawn.

Dan smiled, "Night, Elle. It was nice to meet you!"

“Night, baby,” Sebastian said, pressing a kiss to the top of her damp hair before gently ushering her towards her room.

By the time he returned after a story or two, Dan was standing by the kitchen counter, scrolling his phone.

"Oh, Seb, I should head out—"

"Did you want a drink?"

Oh.

Sebastian cringed. Here Dan was trying to make a run for it and Sebastian was offering him a drink.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

“I mean… yeah, sure. One drink sounds alright," Dan smiled softly, which made Sebastian calm down just enough to form a singular thought, setting his phone down on the bench.

Sebastian nodded too quickly, “Yeah. Great.”

He opened the fridge and immediately realised he had no idea what was in there apart from milk, juice, and a can of Joja Cola that probably predated Elle's birth.

“Uh, beer or water? Or… I think I have some whiskey somewhere…”

"Whiskey? Hm, I'd love to see your taste in dark spirits."

Fucking shit.

Of course Sebastian had to offer his cheap-ass whiskey to the fucking Alcohol King of all of Zuzu City.

Sebastian sighed, reaching into the cupboard above the fridge and pulling down a half-full bottle. “It’s, uh, not good whiskey, but it’s whiskey.”

Dan watched as Sebastian poured, accepted the glass and swirling it gently before taking a sip. “You’re underselling it. This isn’t bad. Harrison's, right?"

"Uh," Sebastian said, turning the bottle around to read the label. "Sure. I guess. I bought it because it was cheap."

"Well, for a cheap one, Harrison's isn't actually that bad. It's one of the cheaper options I buy to supply our venues with," Dan said, quickly downing the rest.

Sebastian blinked. “Wait, you serve this crap at your bars?”

Dan grinned, setting the empty glass on the counter. “Sure. Once it's late enough and everyone's drunk enough, they don't care if it’s Harrison’s or Gold Label. All tastes the same and is cheaper to stock.”

Hm. Sebastian supposed that made perfect sense.

"Next time you come by, I'll give you some of the good stuff. Free, of course. Only the best for dudes I've made out with," Dan chuckled.

Sebastian nearly choked on his own drink, "Yeah, that'd be nice. Not sure when I'll ever get a chance to go out again, not that I'm ungrateful, it's just…"

"You're scared to leave her, I get it. Being her sole provider must be hard and given the history…"

"Sam's told you a lot, huh?" Sebastian frowned.

"Yeah. Sorry. He's a bit of, uh… how do I put this nicely?"

"He can't keep his fucking mouth shut," Sebastian finished the sentence for him, though not quite as tactfully as Dan was clearly going for.

Dan laughed, "Yeah. That."

A silence fell over them while Sebastian finished his own drink… now it was starting to feel uncomfortable.

"Elle, she's uh… she seems like a good kid."

"Yeah…" Seb nodded, then inhaled deeply. "Look, Dan, I appreciate what you're doing here and I'm sorry you were kinda forced to meet Elle but… I'm not looking for another dad for her or whatever. Her life's been confusing enough without me throwing more new people into it.”

Dan looked up from the counter and let out a quiet laugh. “Good. Because, uh, no offence or anything, but I’m not exactly looking to be someone's dad either.”

“Yeah, didn’t think so," Seb chuckled. "So, you don't have to pretend to be all nice and shit for me. I understand if you just want to keep this as a landlord-tenant sort of thing. I won't get offended."

"Oh, absolutely not," Dan cut him off. "Despite what you might think, I actually enjoy being around you."

Sebastian nearly laughed in his face. Why would Dan, party-animal, rich, venu-owning Dan, want to spend time with bland, boring and someone's father Sebastian?

Dan caught the look on Sebastian’s face and smirked. “What’s that look? You think I'm full of shit, don't you?”

"Well…"

“I’m serious,” Dan said, suddenly. “You’re different, you know? Everyone I usually hang out with is either trying to impress me, hit on me, or get something out of me. You don’t do any of that. Most people wouldn't buy me pizza for dinner, in fact, most wouldn't even ask unless they knew they were getting something out of it.”

Sebastian frowned, “I didn’t exactly plan on inviting you for pizza. You just kind of showed up with muffins and my daughter is easily won over by the promise of food.”

That made Dan laugh and then he stepped forward, placing a hand on Sebastian's shoulder. He shivered.

"It's fine. It's actually been really, really nice tonight."

Something about Dan's touch was so calming yet oddly electrifying, Sebastian didn't quite know how to react to it.

Dan’s hand lingered and Sebastian opened his mouth to say something, anything at all but it didn't. His brain was too busy short-circuiting from the proximity, the smell of Dan’s cologne, the way his neatly-styled brown hair had lost some of the gel throughout the day and was showing the very subtle natural curl on the top part that wasn't buzzed into a fade.

Dan tilted his head slightly then his hand moved from Sebastian's shoulder, brushing the edge of Sebastian’s jaw with his fingers.

Sebastian didn’t move. He couldn't even breathe. His heart was hammering so hard he was pretty damn certain Dan could hear it.

And then Dan leaned in, their lips meeting softly. This time, it wasn't messy and drunken. It wasn't with the intentions of taking each other back to bed. This one was different. A kind of kiss Sebastian wasn't sure he'd experienced, well… ever.

When they finally pulled apart, Dan let out a small, shaky laugh. “Well, I thought that was a great idea before, but…”

Ah, shit. Clearly Dan didn't feel the same way Seb did…

"Yeah, no, it's okay, uh," Sebastian mumbled, running a trembling, sweaty hand through his hair. "It's cool. Don't even worry about it."

Dan stepped back, running an equally shaky hand through his own hair, letting even more slight curls out. “I should go before I complicate this any more.”

“Yeah,” Sebastian murmured, though part of him wanted to tell him not to and that he actually liked it more than any kiss he'd ever had before. But that would be embarrassing.

“Night, Seb," Dan said, eyes darting to the floor before he turned for the door.

“Night,” Sebastian replied, practically whispering the words.

Sebastian could have sworn he saw Dan pause at the threshold, like he was wanting to say something else, but he just offered a soft smile before letting himself out.

The door clicked shut, and then it was silent.

Sebastian stood there for a moment, just staring at the door, the faint taste of whiskey and Dan still on his lips. His heart hadn’t quite figured out how to slow down, and his brain wasn’t much help either, running circles around what the fuck just happened.

Eventually, he dragged a hand down his face and exhaled. “Fucking hell…”

He turned off the kitchen light and headed for the couch, planning to sink into the cushions and quiet his brain with mind-numbing TV. But his phone buzzed on the counter before he got the chance.

Sebastian glanced at it, debating just letting it go to voicemail but then name made him furrow his brows in confusion.

Incoming call: Harry.

Not that Harry rang him very often, but when he did it was almost always at a time he knew Elle would be around. So late at night was very unusual.

"Hey, Harry," Sebastian said sleepily.

"Seb. Hey. Uh, bad time?"

"Not really," Sebastian replied, scratching his head. "What's up?"

"Emma's put herself in hospital, stupid bitch…"

"Okay?"

Sebastian wasn't quite sure what Harry expected him to do with that information.

"I haven't gone there to see her yet, kinda don't want to. But the doctor who called me said something about an overdose."

Fuck. Of fucking course. At least that would go on record for the custody revisit in a few months…

Sebastian pinched the bridge of his nose. “Shit, Harry…” he muttered. “Where is she?”

“The hospital in the city. They said she’s stable for now but I told them I wasn’t her family anymore... sounds like she insisted they call me though. Anyway, I'm not expecting anything I just figured you’d want to know or something I guess since you're Elle's dad.”

Sebastian pressed his thumb into the edge of the counter, staring blankly at a water stain from a glass that had dried there, "Yeah, I guess so. Thanks. I'm not going to tell Elle or anything, I don't think she needs to know but… let me know if anything changes, I suppose."

"Will do. Thanks, Seb."

"Yep, thanks, Harry."

Sebastian hung up and put the phone down on the counter, losing the will to rot on the sofa like he'd planned.

Instead, he decided to shower and throw himself into bed.

What a fucking day.

Chapter Text

Sebastian ignored it.

He didn't really want to think of himself as someone that knew a lot about people who took substances or make any wild assumptions, but he felt he had enough of a grasp on Emma’s behaviour to realise this was a way for her to gain the attention she seeked so desperately.

Once Elle was out of her care, she was alone again. No daughter (except for one hour once a month with her baby daddy in attendance), an estranged brother and deceased parents.

Landing herself in the hospital was a tactic to see Elle and Sebastian was damn sure of it.

Besides, Harry hadn't contacted him again with any new updates, maybe he was ignoring her too and she'd realise that whatever stunt she was pulling wasn't going to work.

The only person Sebastian had really spoken to in the three days since the Dan incident was Sam, who had, of course, run into Dan at one of his gigs in the city.

Sebastian considered not answering the call, but as much of a pest as Sam could be, he was also Sebastian's best friend. He told himself he could probably use the distraction too.

"Hello, Samson…"

"You kissed Dan again!? Why didn't you tell me!" Sam all but screamed down the line.

"Why would he tell you that!"

"He didn't! Voluntarily…"

Sebastian pinched the bridge of his nose, "For fuck's sake, Sam. Can you at least pretend to have tact?"

"What? He mentioned he'd seen you and met Elle. I just… pushed for more details because Blind Freddy himself could see the fucking chemistry you two have."

Sebastian sighed, pacing toward the window where the afternoon sun was just beginning to seep through the curtains. “There’s no chemistry Sam. He was just being—”

“Charming? Gorgeous? An absolute ten out of ten who somehow tolerates you and wants to be around you?"

“—polite,” Sebastian finished.

Sam snorted. “Right. And I suppose sucking face was just a polite exchange of oxygen?”

“Fucks sake, Sam… it was a mistake, okay? It happened. He left. We probably won't talk again outside of me paying him rent. End of story.”

“Oh, come on. You've kissed him twice now. That’s not a one-off, that’s becoming a pattern."

Sebastian opened his mouth to argue, but nothing came out. Sam didn’t need to see his face to know he was right because he heard the hesitation.

“Look, I get it. You’ve had a lot going on with Elle and you want to protect her. But maybe it wouldn’t kill you to let yourself have something that’s good for once, you know?”

"I know. It could be good. But that's the thing, isn't it? I don't know. He's my landlord now. If I do this, if we go on a date, if we sleep together and it's shit… this is all over. Elle's home is gone, he can evict us. I can't afford to rent in this town on my own with her without someone doing me a fucking favour, Sam.

Sam was quiet for a moment, a moment so rare for Sam that Sebastian almost checked his phone to make sure the call hadn’t dropped out.

“You really think he’d do that? Evict you?" Sam asked, quite seriously.

“I don't know. You don't either. You might think you know Dan, but you don't know what he's like romantically. I don’t want to risk it. Elle finally feels settled. I can’t screw that up.”

"You’ve got to stop assuming the worst all the time. Not everyone’s Emma.”

Okay, ouch.

Sam was probably right though. Not that Sebastian ever really had a lot of relationship experience, preferring the 'no strings attached' kind of romance instead, the last two years had really cemented his stance of love and relationships.

It wasn't for him.

For a fleeting moment, he thought that perhaps Dan could change that… but it was over as quickly as it arrived because it wasn't worth risking Elle's stability and happiness over a 'what if'.

"I know not everyone is here, but she's ruined it enough for me I don't even think I can stomach dating women anymore."

"Dan's not a woman—"

"I fucking know that, Sam! But that doesn't change the fact that this is super risky for me. Maybe I can do this one day once Elle's had more time to settle down but… I don't know. Her mom's in the hospital right now and I don't know what's going to happen or if I should tell her… I can't be thinking of Dan right now."

"Oh, shit," Sam said, suddenly startled. "Her mom's in the hospital?"

"Yeah, her brother rang me. I don't know how serious it is, I think it's an attention thing so I haven't told Elle or anything."

“Right…” Sam said slowly. “And he hasn’t called again?”

“Nope. Which, honestly, kind of proves my point. If it was serious, I’d have heard something by now.”

Sam hummed, “Or he doesn't care.”

“Or,” Sebastian countered, “he’s realised she’s fine and that I’ve got enough on my plate without needing to know how dramatic she's being."

There was a short silence on the other end before Sam spoke again. “You sound tired, Seb.”

“I am tired. I’m tired of this constant fucking cycle. Emma pulls something, she leaves Elle, she takes Elle back, she… takes a whole pile of drugs for attention, I don't know… then it goes away, Elle gets settled again, things calm down then it fucking starts again.”

Sam didn’t interrupt him. Sam knew better than to interrupt Seb when he was on a verbal rampage. It wasn't often Sebastian went on big spiels about his feelings like that, so he let him continue.

“Elle’s happy right now. She’s sleeping through the night without nightmares again. She laughs when she wakes up. I can’t take that from her for something that could be absolutely nothing.”

“I get that,” Sam said carefully. “But if something is really wrong—”

"Then Harry would tell me and I'd work out what to do with Elle. But for now, it's best to ignore it."

"Alright," Sam conceded. "Let me know if there's anything I can do or whatever."

"Will do."

Sebastian hung up and ran his hands through his hair with a groan.

It was never fucking simple.

He'd long put Elle to bed after dinner and was in the midst of cleaning up the living room when his phone buzzed on the table.

Incoming Call: Harry

Oh, the timing.

"Hey, Harry."

"Seb, hey, um, you busy?"

"Just got Elle to bed and tidying up a little. Why?"

Harry was silent for a moment and Sebastian swore he heard him take a deep breath before proceeding.

"I think you should come."

"What?" Sebastian let out a half scoff, half laugh. "To the hospital? I mean, maybe I can come by in the morning but…"

"No, you can't come in the morning. It needs to be now. It's not good… the nurse rang me and when I was about to tell her to stop calling me, she told me I didn't have to come but… it was going to be my last chance to say goodbye."

Sebastian froze. The words hit him like a gut punch.

He blinked, trying to process it all but he never, ever thought it would be that serious.

“What do you mean goodbye?” he asked finally.

Harry exhaled shakily on the other end. “She’s barely waking up. They told me it’s acute liver failure from the mix of stuff she took. They, um—” his voice cracked, “—they don’t think she’s going to make it through the night.”

Sebastian’s stomach dropped.

“I didn’t know if I should call you,” Harry went on, “I know how you feel about her, and I get it, I really do. I was just going to ignore it too but… she’s still Elle’s mom. And she keeps asking for her when she does wake up for a second. Keeps saying her name.”

Sebastian's hand went to his forehead, roughly running though the top of his hair while he paced the room. He didn’t know what to say. What was there to say?

He and Emma had been through hell. Her, a troubled life for sure (though it was mostly through her own doing), and he, having to send himself broke to fight for the daughter he didn't know about for five years. But knowing she was going to die, in the next few hours, without Elle getting one last chance to say goodbye to her had his heart breaking into two.

“How long?” he asked after a moment. “How long do they think she has?”

“They don’t know. Maybe hours. Maybe till morning. But they think it's less than 24 hours.”

Sebastian shut his eyes.

“Sebastian… I know it’s late, but… you should come. I don’t know if she’ll still be here by morning. I think she’s holding on because she’s waiting for...” Harry trailed off with a sniff.

He didn’t have to say who.

Sebastian paced towards the bedrooms and nudged the door open with his hip. Elle was sleeping peacefully, blissfully unaware.

“Alright,” he said finally. “I’ll come, but… I don't know if I want Elle to see her… have that be the last memory of her mom."

"You'll still bring her though, right? Just in case?"

"Yeah…"

Harry let out a quiet breath of relief. “Okay. Okay, good. I think that’s the right call. I'll meet you there.”

When the line went dead, Sebastian just stood there for a moment listening to Elle's peaceful sleeping noises, the very slight snore she did when she was in a deep sleep.

For a moment he considered not waking her up at all. How was he supposed to wake her up and tell her that her mom, the person she still drew pictures of, still asked about, still called “Mommy” even after everything that happened, might not be alive when she woke up in the morning?

Sebastian scrubbed a hand over his face, then forced himself to move. He grabbed her backpack from the corner and slipped in some clothes, some snacks, a water bottle and a blanket. What else was he supposed to take? He had no idea.

By the time he’d packed it up and zipped it shut, his eyes were burning. But he had to wait. Now was not the time. He swatted at his eyes, willing the tears to go away then crouched beside Elle's bed and rested a hand on her back, rubbing small circles until she stirred.

“Hey, baby,” he said softly. “Wake up for a minute, okay?”

Elle mumbled something incoherent, blinking rapidly. “S’it morning?”

“Not yet,” he whispered, brushing her hair out of her face. “But we need to go somewhere for a little while. We're gonna visit Uncle Harry.”

That woke her up faster. She blinked up at him, confused and bleary-eyed. “At night?”

"Yeah. At night."

Thankfully, his lie, or rather his withholding of the truth, seemed to work and she sat upright, rubbing at her eyes.

Lying felt cruel. But the truth was worse. Not while she was still half asleep.

Elle sat up slowly, clutching her stuffy to her chest. “Can I bring this?”

Sebastian nodded, swallowing hard. “Of course you can.”

He helped her into her hoodie, slid her shoes on, and carried her out to the street where he hailed a cab and wrapped in her blanket once they got inside. She rested her head on his shoulder and was back asleep by the time they left the curb.

It was a silent drive and if Sebastian wasn't too wired from what the fuck was happening, he may have fallen asleep himself. Instead, he just stroked Elle's dark hair off her face while she slept and stared out the window until the cab pulled into the hospital driveway and the driver flicked on the meter light.

Sebastian paid the fare, mumbled a weak "Thanks", and carefully slipped out, Elle still sleeping on his shoulder.

The automatic doors slid open, bathing them both in antiseptic, bright white lights that were way too stimulating for the time of night. The receptionist barely looked up when he approached the counter, but Harry appeared from down the hall before he could even speak to her and try and force out the words to tell her who he was there to see.

“Hey, Seb, she’s still here,” he said quietly.

"Shh!" Sebastian hissed, pointing towards Elle to let him know that he hadn't yet told her.

"Uh, right. Did you want me to hold her for a while? Maybe you can go see her first."

Sebastian didn’t want to let her go. He also didn't particularly want to go and talk to Emma, if she could even talk back at all.

But he also knew he couldn’t take Elle into that room, not until he’d seen it first and could prepare Elle for how bad it really was.

He turned to Harry. “Actually… yeah. Can you hold her for a bit? Just stay out here with her, okay. She’ll be fine if she’s still asleep. If she wakes up, just… just tell her I’m talking to a nurse. Don’t say anything else yet.”

Harry reached out, and for a second, Sebastian’s hands wouldn’t move because Elle was safe and warm in his arms and was the only good thing left untouched by it all.

But finally, he exhaled and eased her into Harry’s arms. Elle stirred softly but didn’t wake, clutching her stuffy tighter before settling into her Uncle Harry's shoulder.

"Room 217," Harry nodded down the hall.

Sebastian exhaled sharply and forced himself to take steps forward.

He glanced back once but Harry had moved to a chair, running a soothing hand down Elle's back while she continued sleeping peacefully.

Finally, he reached the door of Room 217 and paused for a minute to compose himself before he took a deep breath and pushed it open.

There she was, laid up in a bed with tubes and wires everywhere. Her light brown hair that was very similar to Harry's now he thought about it, was in a tangled mess on the pillow behind her. Her skin wasn't just pale, it was a terrifying shade of yellow and Sebastian realised instantly what it was.

"Fuck, Emma, what did you do?" Sebastian muttered, sitting in the chair opposite her bed.

Sebastian wasn't sure she was coherent at all when he walked into that room, Harry had told him she was only saying Elle's name, but her eyes flittered open and she opened her mouth to speak.

"Sebastian."

"Emma…" Sebastian choked out, in disbelief she even realised it was him. "What happened? What did you do?"

"I'm… so stupid."

Well, yeah… Sebastian thought to himself.

"What did you do?" he repeated.

"I… I couldn't handle the pain… it's too much."

“What pain?” he asked, shaking to contain his anger.

Emma shook her head weakly. “I tried, Sebastian. I… really did. But… every time I closed my eyes… I saw her. I saw… you. I saw… everything I ruined. I didn’t… want to feel it anymore.”

Sebastian hands trembled. He was furious. He shoved his hands under his thighs to keep them steady, keep his anger in check.

“So you decided to just, what? End it? You have a daughter, Emma. You have a fucking daughter who still thinks you’re coming back for her, who thinks she'll be visiting you in a few weeks. How could you do that to her?”

Tears slipped from the corners of her eyes, down onto the pillow. “I didn’t mean to... I swear I didn’t mean for it to go this far.”

"Well, it did, Emma. Now… now, fuck, now you've fucked me over again because I have to go out there and explain to her what you did. I'll have to explain to her that you died, that… that you were a coward."

He wanted to be angry, angry felt right. God, he was angry. The hot and burning tears streaming down his cheeks, the reddened cheeks confirmed that. But looking at her, so frail, yellowed and dying, it was impossible to hold onto it. All he could see when he looked at Emma was Elle. Elle’s same chin, same small button nose. And the idea that in a few hours, that perfect little girl would have to be told her mother wasn’t alive anymore…

He couldn’t breathe.

"You're right," Emma breathed deeply. "I am a coward. I'm… so dumb. I… I should have told you about her. Then… maybe… I wouldn't have ended up like this.'

"You should have," Sebastian agreed with a sniff. "You robbed me, Emma. You robbed me of so much time with her. The pregnancy, feeling her kick, birth, the sleepless nights with a newborn. I would have been there, you know. I… I have a shitty dad and I never want to be like him so… if you'd just told me. I would have been there."

"Yeah," Emma tried to laugh, but instead it came out as a sort of wheeze. "I know I did. Man, she… was such a good baby too."

"Oh yeah?"

“Yeah… slept through the night from the start,” Emma rasped, the faintest curve of a smile forming. “Everyone said I was lucky. Didn’t even cry much. Just… watched me. Those big brown eyes… your eyes.”

Sebastian choked back another sob. He could picture it perfectly. Elle as a baby, that same curious stare she still had now. He’d missed all of it. Her first smile. Her first laugh. Everything.

“Elle still has those eyes,” he said quietly, swiping his nose with the back of his hand. “She watches everything. Always thinking. Always trying to figure people out before they even speak.”

Emma smiled weakly again. “She’s like you then.”

"Yeah, maybe.”

Her hand shifted against the blanket, trembling as she tried to reach for his. He hesitated, wanting desperately to pull away but something in him couldn’t. He leaned forward and let her cold fingers rest against his palm.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “For all of it. You might have… missed the start. But, you'll… have her 'til the end now."

"That's not what I wanted, you know," Sebastian choked. He was sobbing now. "When I fought to get her back, I didn't want this. I didn't want you out of her life for good. We could have done this together, co-parented, given her a mom and a dad that got along."

Emma’s eyes fluttered shut for a moment, then opened again. “I… I know. I wanted that too. I just… I got scared. I… I never wanted to be a mom but… I felt so much… pressure. From my mom, my… my friends. So I did it. But I should have told you… fuck, I… I should have told you."

Sebastian wanted to speak. He wanted to shake her, smack her, all sorts of things. But what was the use? Sebastian couldn't change the past. What Emma had done was done. All he could do was try and forgive her and let her see her daughter one last time.

"Is… um, is Elle here?" Emma managed to rasp.

"Yeah. She's with Harry."

Emma closed her eyes and smiled softly, "You can say no… you're her dad, but… do you think I… can see her? I'm so tired… I want to say goodbye and… that I'm sorry."

Sebastian’s throat closed up at the word goodbye. Obviously he knew he was there for a reason, but that didn't feel entirely real until Emma had said it aloud.

He sat there staring at her and then he realised that this was it. There wasn’t going to be another hospital visit, a time for Elle to come back after having a moment to process what was happening. Emma looked like she was already halfway gone, like talking had taken even more precious time from her. The time was now.

“Uh, yeah…” he said replied. “Yeah, she’s here. She’s asleep, but… I’ll bring her in.”

Emma’s eyes filled with tears again. “Thank you.”

He stood slowly, pushing the chair back and left. There was a large part of him that wanted to say no, that wanted to prevent Elle from ever seeing her mother like that. Surely just explaining that Mommy had left again would be easier but would Elle ever forgive him for taking the opportunity away to say goodbye? Would he ever be able to forgive himself?

Probably not.

Elle deserved the truth, even if it broke her heart.

When he finally stepped out into the hallway, Harry looked up from his seat. Elle was awake in his lap, playing a game on his phone.

“Hey,” Harry said softly. “She woke up a few minutes ago.”

Sebastian wandered over crouched down beside her. “Hey, baby.”

"Hi, Daddy. Why are you sad?" Elle asked all innocently.

That question hurt him harder than anything Emma could’ve said to him.

“I’m just… tired. It’s been a long night.”

Elle tilted her head, studying him with those big brown eyes in that way he and Emma had just talked about. “You cried, Daddy."

He exhaled a shaky breath and brushed her hair off her forehead. “Yeah. I did. Sometimes grown ups cry too and that's okay. But, listen. We're here because Mommy is feeling pretty sick and very tired."

"Sick?" Emma tilted her head, concerned. "Is Mommy okay?"

"Yeah, well, I mean… she's very sick. But… she asked if you would like to go and see her. You can say no if you want to, I understand if you don't want to see her so unwell," Sebastian explained gently.

"No, I want to see Mommy."

"Okay, baby," Sebastian smiled faintly, sniffing.

He scooped Elle up and carried her on his hip as they walked back towards the room.

"I need you to know that Mommy is going to look a little different. Maybe even a little scary. She has a lot of tubes and wires that are helping her to breathe and eat, make sure she's okay. But if it's too much, you get too nervous or too scared, you can tell me and we'll leave, okay?"

"Okay," Elle nodded.

"But no matter what, she's still your Mommy and she still loves you. Even if you don't want to see her."

Elle nodded again, "It's okay Daddy. I'm brave, remember?"

“Yeah,” he whispered. “You’re the bravest kid I know.”

Elle grinned a little and tightened her hold on her stuffy, nuzzling sleepily into his neck.

When they reached the door, he stopped and placed Elle gently on the floor. “Ready?” he whispered.

Elle nodded.

He took a deep breath and pushed open the door.

Emma turned her head slowly toward them, her lips curving into the faintest smile.

“Hey, baby,” she rasped.

Sebastian heard Elle’s breath catch, but she truly was the bravest little girl, stepping forward and touching a hand to the edge of the bed. “Hi, Mommy,” she said softly.

Emma’s eyes filled with tears. “You look so much bigger already,” she murmured.

"Yeah. Daddy said I need new pants, they're getting too short."

Emma laughed softly, then followed it up with a choke, "I hope he buys you pink ones."

"He will," Elle grinned, turning to smirk at Sebastian who was smiling despite the tears streaming down his face.

"And hey, that's a nice toy… looks… very comfy," Emma commented, eyes falling to the stuffy in Elle's arms.

"Yeah. She makes me feel better when I’m sick,” Elle said matter-of-factly. “Maybe she could make you better too.”

Emma gave a soft chuckle, “That’s… that’s very kind, sweetie. She’s beautiful.”

Elle smiled, but it faded quickly when she looked at the floor, like she was in thought. Then her little brow furrowed. “Mommy, are you going to come home soon?”

Sebastian’s heart twisted painfully. He looked at Emma and she looked at him too, like she was silently asking if she should tell the truth. He gave a tiny nod. Elle deserved it.

“No, baby. I don’t think I can. I’m really… really tired. But it’s okay.” She reached out, her hand trembling as Elle instantly reached out her own and held on tight. “You’ve got Daddy now. He’s gonna look after you.”

Elle blinked, confused. “But I want you too.”

“I know, sweetie.” Emma’s voice cracked as the tears streamed down her cheeks onto the pillow below. “I want that too. But… you’ll still have me, I promise… just in different ways. When you're at home… and it's dark... if you look up at the stars, look for… the biggest one. That will be me… watching you from the sky.”

Sebastian bit hard on his lip to keep himself from letting out a loud sob. Holy shit, she explained it way better than he ever could have.

Elle frowned, thinking about it the way she always did. “Will you still love me when you’re a star?”

“More than anything,” she whispered. “Always.”

Elle sniffed, and then, carefully, she lifted stuffy and tucked it under her mother’s arm. “Then stuffy can stay with you so you don’t get lonely in the sky.”

Emma pressed the stuffy to her chest, tears running freely now. “Thank you, baby,” she whispered. “You’re my big brave girl.”

Elle nodded and climbed up on the bed, wrapping her arms around Emma's neck, just crying together.

“Mommy?” Elle whispered, when the silence stretched too long.

Sebastian crouched beside her, pressing a hand to Elle's back. “Mommy's going to sleep now, okay?” he said softly.

Elle frowned again, turning to look at him with tear-filled eyes and stained cheeks. “Like a long sleep?”

“Yeah, baby. A really long one.”

She stared at Emma for a moment longer, then rested her head gently on her mother’s arm. “Okay,” she whispered. “Goodnight, Mommy.”

Sebastian pried Elle away and leaned down pressing a kiss to Emma's forehead, "I'll look after her… and I'll never let her forget you. I promise. You can rest now, okay?"

He swore he saw a faint smile on Emma's lips and then he turned and didn't look back. He couldn't.

"Hey Elle," he said softly once they left the hospital, leaving Harry behind. "Wanna go home and see if we can find the biggest star?"

Elle smiled, the tiny, almost-not-there dimple that she got from Emma showing. "Yes, please, Daddy."

Chapter Text

"I have so much to say but you're so far away."

How was one meant to process the grief of the death of your child's mother? A woman Sebastian never had a relationship, never loved, never spent more than one night with?

It had been three weeks since Emma passed. Three weeks of Sebastian ignoring the conflicting feelings in his stomach. Three weeks of slow mornings and restless nights. Three weeks of Elle asking when she could see Mommy again and Sebastian struggling to find the right words to let her know the answer was never.

The funeral was set for the next day.

Sebastian stood in the hallway staring at the small black dress hanging on Elle’s bedroom door. It looked too formal and too grown-up for a six-year-old. It was a dress she probably would have worn if she was going to a piano recital, not what a little girl should wear to say goodbye to her mother. He rubbed a hand over his face, vision blurring again.

He turned away from Elle to brush away the tears, who was sitting cross-legged on the floor, carefully brushing her dolly's hair.

"Daddy?" Elle asked.

"Yes, baby?" Sebastian sniffed, pulling back every feeling and looking at her with a soft smile.

"Do I have to wear that dress?"

"Um," Sebastian mumbled. "What would you prefer to wear?"

"Pink."

“Pink?”

Elle nodded, brushing a stubborn knot out of her doll’s tangled blonde hair. “I like pink. Mommy said it made me look like a princess.”

He swallowed hard. “Okay. You can wear pink.”

Elle looked up at him with those big brown eyes and smiled, satisfied with his answer. “Can my dolly come too?”

The instinctive response, the adult one, was to say no. That funerals weren’t places for dolls or fairies or anything. But then he remembered who it was for. Elle wasn’t losing a friend or a distant relative. She was losing her mother.

“Yeah,” he said finally. “Your dolly can come.”

“Okay,” she said simply, turning her focus back to the doll.

Sebastian stood again, rubbing the back of his neck as he looked at the little black dress. He didn’t know what the right thing to do was anymore. He wasn’t sure there was a right thing. But all he knew was he was putting that dress away and getting out a pink one.

He barely slept a wink that night. Elle slept next to him in his bed, like she did most nights now, after spending ten minutes on the balcony talking to the brightest star about her day. Then she'd cry.

"Why can't I just tell Mommy for real?" she'd ask every single night when he tucked her in.

Sebastian never had an answer for that one.

He’d tried to come up with something that would make sense to a six-year-old. Something that wouldn’t sound like a lie, but also wouldn’t crush her little heart even more. “Because Mommy’s in heaven,” he’d said the first few nights, but that felt wrong. “Because she’s watching you from up there,” he’d added once, pointing to the star. But none of it ever seemed to be enough.

And that night was no different.

After crying herself to sleep again with Sebastian holding her, shushing her softly and stroking her hair gently, the house finally went still and quiet.

Sebastian laid there awake, eyes fixed on the ceiling. Every so often, he felt Elle twitch and let out a tiny whimper that he solved by running a hand through her hair that was crunchy from her dried tears and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

He should’ve been asleep himself, hell, he needed to be. Tomorrow was going to take everything out of him. But his mind wouldn’t quiet. It looped through everything he’d been avoiding. Emma’s voice the last time they spoke, how broken and defeated she sounded. Elle's face when she saw how sick her mommy was. The sound of Elle crying when he told her Mommy had gone to the stars and they had to leave the hospital.

When the clock ticked over to 2 a.m., Sebastian carefully slid out of bed, tucking the blanket tighter around Elle and her dolly. He tiptoed through the apartment and stepped out to the balcony, the same spot Elle came to every night. He looked up at the sky, trying to find the star Elle always talked to. The “Mommy star.” It took him a minute, but there it was. The brightest one.

Sebastian exhaled, hands gripping the cold railing.

“You really fucked things up, didn’t you, Emma?” he muttered under his breath. “You left me with a six-year-old who thinks the stars will talk back to her one day.”

He closed his eyes, feeling that familiar burn yet again for the one hundredth time that day. “She misses you so much. Every damn day.”

A tear slid down his cheek and he wiped it away quickly, annoyed at himself. Crying wasn’t going to fix anything. It wouldn’t bring Emma back. It wouldn’t make tomorrow easier.

By the time he went back inside with red eyes and a heaving chest, the clock read nearly three. Elle had rolled over in her sleep right onto Sebastian's side of the bed, clutching her doll tight against her chest. Sebastian smiled faintly and adjusted her slightly so he had a few inches to squeeze in next to her and sighed, pressing his palm to her small back to feel the soft rise and fall of her breathing until he finally fell asleep too.

Morning came too fast.

The alarm buzzed and Sebastian silenced it immediately with a huff and a groan.

Elle woke up a little slower than he did, blinking at him and sitting up slowly.

“Is it today?” she asked quietly.

Sebastian nodded. “Yeah, baby. It’s today. But let's not think about that right now. We'll get up, get dressed and ready and then I'll get you a blueberry muffin on the way, how about that?"

Elle agreed with the promise of her beloved muffin.

By the time they left the apartment, the morning air still had that early chill that made him aging bones creak and shudder. But, there was nothing more he could do about it.

True to his word, they stopped at the cafe. Elle got her muffin and he even treated her to a small hot chocolate to warm her up alongside his own coffee. She smiled when he handed it to her, and for a brief second it looked like any other morning when he'd treat her to a muffin on the way to school.

But, unlike every other morning, they hailed a cab and went to the cemetery instead.

When they arrived and stepped out after paying the ridiculous fare to get there, Harry was already waiting near the path.

“Hey,” Harry greeted quietly, managing a small smile for Elle. “You look beautiful, Ellie Belly.”

Elle grinned and twirled, trying to slide her coat off her shoulder that Sebastian swiftly pulled back up to keep her warm. “It’s pink. Mommy liked pink.”

Harry’s smile faltered just slightly before he crouched down beside her, “She did. She really did.”

He ruffled Elle's hair then stood up straight again and cleared his throat while she went to tend to her dolly, "So, uh, I know Elle is doing a little eulogy…"

"Yes…" Sebastian replied, narrowing his eyes.

"Well… hers is the only one."

"Okay?"

Sebastian wasn't sure why Harry was telling him that prior to the ceremony…

"I was kinda hoping you'd say something. There's no one else."

"Are you insane!?" Sebastian tried hard not to yell. "First of all, no. Second of all, you're her brother!"

"I can't, Seb! I don't have a single nice thing to say about her!"

Sebastian scoffed, "What? And I do?"

“You don’t have to lie,” he said sharply. “Just say something short. Something for Elle.”

Sebastian scoffed again. “I don’t even know what to say, Harry! She took me to court, sent me basically broke! You think I can stand up in front of everyone and talk about a woman I barely knew?”

“You knew her enough to give her a kid.”

“Don’t fucking do that,” Sebastian muttered lowly.

Harry’s shoulders sagged a little, like he was admitting defeat. “Look, I’m not trying to be an ass. I just… I can’t talk about her, Seb. I hated her towards the end. The things she did… but… she's the last of my blood. Besides Elle… I have no family left. Getting up there to say something about my sister, the one who was my best friend for years… I… I just can't. It will break me."

"Harry…"

"Please, Seb. I'll… I'll write something up but you have to say it. If you don't, only Elle is speaking and I just can't do that to her."

Sebastian sighed and looked up at the sky, at the grey, heavy clouds that looked like they might bucket down at them at any moment.

Typical…

“Fine,” he muttered.

Harry blinked. “Fine?”

“I’ll say something. But I'll write it. Who knows what you'll make me say."

Harry breathed a heavy sigh of relief, "Thank you, Seb! Thank you! I'll buy you, like, six beers after this."

"Whiskey," Sebastian negotiated with a smirk. "Six whiskeys."

"Fucking, shit, Seb, what do you think? I'm—"

"Made of money? I know the going rates for your law firm, pal. Six whiskeys."

Harry huffed a laugh. “Fine. Six whiskeys it is. I'll even do top shelf if you manage to make me cry.”

"I'll make it my mission then," Sebastian said with a grin, pulling his phone out of his pocket to try and write something discernible and quickly.

Once he had Elle settled, finding seats at the service away from a lot of the attention his daughter would no doubt be getting, Sebastian opened the notes app and stared at the blinking cursor.

The words didn’t come.

Of course they didn’t. Why would he expect anything to come easy on a day like that?

Sebastian scrubbed a hand over his face, feeling the grit of too-little sleep and too-much emotion burning beneath his skin.

He peered around, spotting a few people about. All in black, chattering amongst themselves. There was a hole in the ground, ready for Elle's mom to be lowered into for the rest of forever, and suddenly it all felt too suffocating.

No wonder Harry couldn’t bring himself to talk.

He lowered his gaze back down and started typing whatever came to mind before erasing every second line, fighting the urge to throw the whole damn phone into the nearest bush and pretend he wasn't asked to do it.

But then Elle leaned against his arm and he discreetly tilted his screen just slightly away. Not because he didn’t want her to see at all, but because he didn’t want her to see him struggle to write words about her mom.

“Is it hard?” she asked softly.

Sebastian exhaled softly. “Yeah, baby. A little.”

"You helped me write what I am going to say."

"I… yeah, I did. But that's different. She's your mom."

Elle tilted her head up at him, "I know. And you are my dad. You are my mom and dad."

Okay, yep… that we are.

No matter what he thought, she was always Elle's mom, his baby momma.

Talk about Elle. Talk about what Emma gave you…

With Elle's little nudge of encouragement, the words began to flow. Finally, just as everyone was starting to settle and be seated to begin, he had just managed to scrape something together he deemed as acceptable.

Then, it began. Elle was asked to sit up the front by the dude running the service, which pissed Sebastian off. She was six, she didn't need to be front row and centre with a bunch of Emma's old coworkers and her grandmother's bingo buddies ogling her.

But, he obliged, just so she could sit with her Uncle Harry too.

Sebastian tried hard not to focus too hard on what was going on. Most of it seemed stock-standard anyway.

A loved friend.

Dedicated to her work as a bartender.

A loving mother.

A doting daughter.

A dear sister.

That one earned a sardonic scoff from Harry.

Then, it was time.

"And to say a few words, we have…" the dude narrowed his eyes at his notes, "Sebastian."

Well, he could have introduced me as who I am… Sebastian thought to himself. Then he quickly realised… what was he?

Impregnator? Baby daddy? One night stand? A quick fling? A literal nobody?

He stood and Elle was quick to follow, clutching to his leg. But he allowed it because he knew he'd likely need to stand close when she spoke next.

Sebastian approached the makeshift microphone stand awkwardly, adjusting it to his height.

He cleared his throat, suddenly hyper-aware of every single pair of eyes on him. What was he thinking agreeing to this shit? He wasn't a public speaker.

Fucking shit.

Too late to back out now though.

"Um… hi," he began, clearing his throat a little. "I'm Sebastian. I'm… Elle's dad. Elle is… um… also Emma's daughter."

Good one, dickhead.

"Anyway, um…" stop saying um! "On behalf of Harry, Emma's brother, and Elle, I'd like to thank everyone who took the time out of their day to be here today. I know it would have meant a lot to Emma that you all came."

Liar.

"Uh… I suppose I should say something about her which, I won't lie, wasn’t easy to figure out. Emma and I, we didn’t really have the simplest history. We didn't have much of a history at all, actually..."

Oversharing because you're nervous again, dumbass!

"…But there was one thing we never messed up.”

His hand drifted down, resting gently on Elle’s shoulder.

“Our little girl, Elodie,” he said, managing a faint smile. “Our daughter. She was truly the best thing either of us ever did. Emma loved Elle, she really did. She loved her pink dresses, and her big laugh. She loved the way Elle sings in the shower so loud you can hear it down the hall. And… she loved watching her grow up whether it was with her or from afar."

He felt that annoying familiar sting in his eyes he felt too often lately and tried everything in his might to suck the tears back.

"Even, um… even when things were hard for her, when she was struggling, I know she loved Elle so, so much. Even when her life was crumbling down, she always did right by Elle. She gave her safe people and safe spaces to grow and… that never, ever changed.

Elle leaned into him, wrapping her arm around his waist.

“I might not have known Emma the way some of you did,” he admitted. “But I know that she gave me something I’ll be grateful for every single day of my life.”

He looked down at Elle once more.

“This little girl.”

He cleared his throat, blinking rapidly.

“There's so many things she does that I'm told Emma did too. Things she used to do as a kid. And… when I think about keeping Emma's memory alive in the future for Elle, I don't have to look very far because she’s right here in Elle. In the way she laughs. In the way she gets these tiny dimples in her cheeks when she smiles. In how stubborn she is when she wants something and trust me, I’ve learned that one firsthand.”

That earned him a small ripple of laughter, thank God, because he needed a push to finish before he turned into a sobbing mess.

“So even if Emma and I didn’t share much of a life together, any at all, really… we share her. And I’ll make sure Elle grows up knowing her mom loved her and that she was wanted. And that her mom left a piece of herself behind that’s bright, and loud, and smart, and kind, and… everything she’d be proud of.”

"Hoo, shit…" He let out a shaky breath and the tears finally fell, "Okay, Elle. Your turn…"

Sebastian swiped at his eyes and picked the microphone off the stand, crouching to hold it in front of Elle while she unfurled the bit of paper Sebastian had written on from her pocket.

"Hello. My name is Elodie Evans. My mommy's name was Emma," she began, speaking like it was a bit of textbook she'd been asked to read at school.

"My mommy was very pretty. I liked her green eyes the best. She liked to wear pink, so do I. I liked it when Mommy brushed my hair before school. She told me I had the softest hair in the whole world. She used to braid it for me. She was really good at doing braids."

Elle opened her mouth to speak again, but her lip quivered.

Sebastian pressed a hand softly on her back and whispered, "Almost done, baby. You're doing so good."

She nodded and took two deep breaths, then pressed on.

"I love my mommy very much and I know that she loves me. Even though Mommy has gone to the sky, I can see her every night now, even from my Daddy's house. And I know that she is listening to me because her star twinkles when I when I talk to her. I say goodnight to her every night so she doesn’t feel lonely…"

She swallowed hard, her little brown eyes eyes darting over the crowd.

“I miss her,” she whispered. “But she will always be my mommy. And I love her very, very much.”

Her last words trailed off and Sebastian wasn't even sure anyone understood them but he didn't care.

The second her chin wobbled, he lowered the microphone and gathered her into his arms. Elle instantly wrapped her legs around his waist and buried her face into his shoulder, her paper falling to the floor.

“You did so perfect, baby,” he murmured into her hair, kissing her temple through his own tears. “Mommy would be so proud of you. So fucking proud."

"You said a swear, Daddy," Elle sniffed into his neck.

"I know. I'm sorry. But you did so good."

He returned to his seat, cradling Elle softly while she sobbed as Harry leaned in towards him.

"Six fucking whiskeys," he whispered through tears of his own. "And six sodas for Elle."

Chapter Text

"When your feet are cold, when your sights are low, I'll be the one to pick you up again."

After months of navigating a six-year-old's various stages of grief, Sebastian finally felt like things were calming down.

He and Elle had worked out a new normal, there was a routine, and as awful as it made him feel for being grateful, the fear she would be taken away again was well and truly gone.

Weekdays were spent schooling, working, doing the daily grind. Weekends were spent making pancakes, playing games together and, when Elle asked, visiting Emma's resting place.

At first Sebastian thought visiting Emma so often was a bad idea. Like it would hold Elle back from working through her grief, but somehow the visits were almost grounding now.

Elle didn’t cry there the way she used to. She still talked like she always did, but now it wasn't about how much she missed her mom. It was mostly about her friends, or something funny Obie did, or how she’d been picked for “Star Helper of the Day” at school. Sebastian would kneel beside her each time and now he wasn't sad either. In fact, watching Elle visit her mom with such calm and joy, excited to tell her about her day, gave him a strange sense of peace.

It wasn’t healing, exactly. But it wasn’t hurting either.

But the peace and normalcy was shortlived, because why else would things be easy for Sebastian?

His phone rang on Friday evening.

Harry.

When Harry rang, it was usually because someone was on the verge of death.

"Hello?" Sebastian answered it on the third ring after going back and forth with himself on whether to answer at all.

"Hey! Seb! Listen, don't want to bother you for too long, but Emma's probate came through and we're finalising the estate."

"Emma had an estate?" Sebastian asked, confused, scratching his head.

"Yeah, stuff leftover from our parents death. Not that she did much with it… anyway, I didn't know this, Adam picked up on it, but it looks like she changed everything to go to you before she died with a footnote that it was to help raise Elle."

“To… me?” Sebastian repeated slowly like Harry would laugh and tell him he was kidding.

“Yeah,” Harry said. “All of it goes to you."

"Don't fuck with me, Harry," Sebastian exhaled sharply, "I don’t—why would she—? She didn’t even—” He cut himself off and let out a huff.

Harry almost scoffed in offence, "Why would I fuck with you? I'm serious! She's kinda smart, honestly. Rather than putting it in a trust for Elle to have when she's eighteen and have you guys struggle, she's given it to you. To help with the costs of raising her. Elle has her own trust from our mom anyway, so—"

"Wait, so Elle already has a trust? And now Emma’s… what, her inheritance? That’s all supposed to go to me?”

“Well, technically it’s for Elle, but legally it goes to you,” Harry clarified. “You’re the parent. The trustee. The one paying for, you know… everything.”

Sebastian let out a short, incredulous laugh. “What the fuck?”

"Hey, stress less. This is a good thing, Seb."

“It doesn’t feel like a good thing,” Sebastian muttered. “It feels like a mistake.”

“A mistake?” Harry snorted. “Emma didn’t scribble this on a napkin. She changed her will. She knew she'd lost Elle, sat down, thought about it, and decided this was the way to make sure Elle was taken care of if the worst happened... and the worst happened.”

Sebastian pressed his fingers to his forehead, the beginnings of a headache starting to claw it's way behind his eyes. “I just… I don’t get it.”

“What’s not to get?” Harry asked, genuinely baffled. “Look, it’s not like she left you millions. It's the leftovers of her share of the inheritance from our parents. Probably about $200k."

"$200k!?"

"What?" Harry asked.

"How fucking rich were your parents?"

"Moderately."

“Moderately?” he repeated. “Harry, two hundred grand is not moderate when that's already been split between you, her and Elle, apparently. Does Elle also have $200k?"

"$350k, actually…"

Sebastian’s jaw dropped.

“Three hundred and—Harry. Harry.” He rubbed his temples like he’d misheard. "Elle has three hundred and fifty thousand dollars sitting in an account somewhere?”

“Well, it's not sitting,” Harry corrected him. “It’s invested. Growing. And she can’t touch it until she’s eighteen unless there’s some emergency.”

There was a long pause where Sebastian took a moment to just process what the fuck he'd been told.

“My kid is richer than me…" he finally mumbled.

“Yeah, by a fucking margin. Look, the point is,” Harry continued too casually for Sebastian's liking, “Emma didn’t leave you money for fun. She left it because you’re the parent paying for everything now. School, clothes, food, bills, doctor appointments, whatever else kids need. Trust me, they’re expensive.”

“You don’t have kids.”

“I bought Elle a colouring book last week,” Harry said. “It was twelve dollars. Twelve, Seb. For fucking paper."

Sebastian felt like he was on the verge of passing out when Elle emerged from her bedroom where she'd been playing with her dollhouse.

"Who's that, Daddy?"

"Ah, shit," Sebastian muttered to himself, trying to regain back some composure. "Just Uncle Harry. I was hanging up though so why don't you jump into my bed and I'll put a movie on for you?"

"Okay, Daddy! Bye Uncle Harry!" Elle called, running back into bed.

"Tell her I said hi," Harry laughed faintly through the phone. “I'll get Adam to send the documents through to you on Monday."

“Yeah. Sure. Great,” Sebastian muttered, though nothing about the entire sutuation felt great at all.

He hung up before Harry could add anything else to his impending spiral, then just stood there in the middle of the kitchen like someone had unplugged his brain.

Two hundred thousand dollars, Elle’s three hundred and fifty... his kid being wealthier than him by several universes.

Fuck.

He braced his hands on the counter and bowed his head, letting out a sharp breath.

He needed to talk to someone who wasn’t related to Emma. Or legally involved. Or prone to turning something like this into a multi-step lecture about financial strategy like Demetrius would do.

He needed Sam.

Sebastian set Elle up with her movie in bed before wandering back to the kitchen, grabbing his phone and dialling.

Sam picked up on the first ring.

“Hey. What’s wrong?” Sam said immediately.

“What? Nothing. Why would something be wrong?” Sebastian snapped defensively, purely on instinct.

“Because you only call me this late when something's wrong.”

"Nothing's wrong, I’m just—Jesus, I don’t even know. Harry called me.”

“Oh, fuck,” Sam said. “Who died?”

“No one! I mean, someone already died, that’s the whole thing—fuck. Just listen.”

“Listening.”

Sebastian wandered to the living room and sank onto the couch, sighing deeply. “Emma left me money.”

There was a second of silence.

“...Uh. How much money are we talking? Like twenty bucks and a half-used Jojamart coupon?”

“Actual money,” Sebastian said flatly. “Two hundred grand.”

Another pause.

"Holy shit. Get absolutely fucked."

"Yep," Sebastian said with a wince as he pulled the phone away from his ear. “That was my reaction too.”

“That’s—what—that’s like—” Sam made a noise like he was trying to do math and physically failing. “That’s so much fucking money, Seb!”

“I know. And Elle’s trust is three hundred and fifty grand.”

Sam made a strange choking noise. “Your child is a trust fund baby?”

“Apparently.”

“Elle?” Sam repeated like he needed clarification. “Your Elle?"

"My Elle."

"Shit, Seb! What are you going to do!?"

"Nothing!" Sebastian answered immediately. "Elle's can't be touched until she's eighteen and I'm hoping it gets her to a good college or something. Mine, well, it's going to sit there and help me raise her."

"Two hundred grand is a lot to help raise her…"

"What do you want me to do? Take a cross-country road trip or something? Nothing is changing, Sam. It will just help pay for bills and stuff."

Sam gasped, "You can get another bike!"

"What? No! I can't get a bike!"

"Sure you can!"

"No, Sam…"

"Ugh," Sam groaned. "Fine. I get it, this is still fresh news. But we should go out and celebrate."

Sebastian scoffed, "Celebrate what? The fact my kid's mother died?"

"No! Your financial freedom! This—"

"You know I can't, Sam. I have Elle, and—"

"Get a babysitter, you can—"

"No!"

Sam groaned loudly, "Stop interrupting me! I have an idea!"

Great. Just fantastic. Whenever Sam said he 'had an idea', it was never a good thing.

"I have a gig in a few weeks and Vince wants to come so mom's booked a hotel for the weekend. I could ask mom if she wanted to have Elle for the night."

"I'm not asking your mom to do that!” Sebastian hissed.

“You wouldn’t be asking,” Sam said calmly. “I would be asking.”

“Sam—”

“And she’d say yes.”

“Sam.”

“And she’d be thrilled.”

“Samson!”

Sam sighed dramatically. “Sebastian, listen to me for one second without whining—”

“I’m not whining.”

“You are absolutely whining!"

Sebastian glared at the empty room. “I’m not letting your mother take my child overnight.”

“Why? She loves Elle.”

“That’s not the point.”

“Is it the whole trust thing? You don't want to be away from her?”

"Yes, Sam," Sebastian sighed. "That's exactly it. I'm petrified to let her out of my sight. School is bad enough, I can't leave her overnight."

“…Okay,” Sam said. “Yeah. I get that.”

Sebastian blinked. He hadn’t expected that response.

“You do?” he asked, genuinely surprised.

“Seb, she got taken once. Of course you’re scared. I’m absolutely not judging you, I'm saying it makes sense. But I also miss my best friend and would love to take him out for a night."

Sebastian rubbed his hands over his face and let out a heavy breath. “I just… I can’t do it, Sam. The idea of her being somewhere without me overnight makes my chest hurt.”

“Yeah,” Sam said softly. “But, well… maybe you don't have to leave her all night. Let her have fun with Mom and Vince, we won't go too far. Then you can pick her up on the way home."

Sebastian absolutely did not want to agree. Not at all. But for some reason, he did.

Then he found himself sitting at a bar with Sam, having dropped Elle off with Jodi at the hotel.

Elle jumped at the idea of spending time with Vincent again, which he had to admit shocked him. Elle had once been scared of him and now she wanted to be his best friend.

And it wasn't like Jodi complained at all. She came fully prepared for her girl-babysitting-duties and insisted that he bring an overnight bag, just in case he changed his mind and wanted to leave her.

She had practically snatched Elle out of his arms at the hotel room door, cooing over her and Elle didn't even look back at Sebastian. She waved a quick goodbye, blew a reluctant kiss because Jodi insisted she do it and then, they closed the door, leaving Sebastian standing in the hall.

Somehow that had been the part that made Sebastian’s heart hurt the most.

They were fine. Elle was fine. She was excited, happy, unafraid. It was him that was the problem. He felt like he’d just handed over one of his vital organs.

Now he was staring at the condensation sliding down the outside of a whiskey glass.

“This feels illegal,” Sebastian muttered.

Sam snorted. “What, being in a bar? Or letting your daughter have fun for a night?”

“Both.”

“Seb, she’s literally in a hotel with my mother. Vince is probably teaching her to jump from couch to couch."

“Stop saying things that make me want to go get her.”

Sam reached across the table and flicked Seb's hand. “Stop being dramatic! Vince is fine. Elle's fine. If there's a problem, Mom's got your number. Now, drink."

"Two max."

"Sure," Sam said with a roll of his eyes.

Sebastian lifted the glass, took the smallest sip known to man, and set it down again. Sam opened his mouth, clearly ready to mock Seb's pathetic excuse for a sip, when his gaze flicked over Sebastian’s shoulder. He perked up immediately.

“Ah! They’re here.”

Sebastian froze. Slowly, he turned to see who Sam was waving at.

He wished he hadn’t.

Harry was weaving through the crowd. And right behind him, towering over everyone else, was Dan.

Sebastian’s eyes snapped back to his supposed best friend. “Sam.”

“Yes, daaaaarling?” Sam chirped.

“You didn’t.”

“I did.”

“Why?"

“Because,” Sam said, rollig his wrist like that would explain it all, “you need people.”

“I have you!”

"More people! If I'd told you this is what I had planned you wouldn't have come out at all!"

Sebastian groaned.

Dan slid into the booth next Sebastian while Harry pulled him into a one-armed hug.

“I tried to stop him," Dan muttered.

“You failed fucking miserably,” Sebastian deadpanned.

“I’m aware.”

Harry let go of Sebastian and dropped into the seat beside Sam, already trying to flag down a bartender.

“So, Sam said we’re celebrating!” Harry said, successfully getting the attention and drinks he was so desperate for.

“We're not celebrating the fact your sister died and I got a bunch of money," Sebastian hissed.

"Oh?" Dan said, head turning in Sebastian's direction. "Is that what this is for?"

"Sam didn't tell you?"

"Nope," Dan replied with a shake of his head. "He doesn't need to give me the details, all I needed to know is that you'd be here."

He winked in Sebastian's direction and Sebastian’s brain stalled. Completely froze and made the Windows shut down noise.

Sebastian blinked twice to reboot his body, then scowled at Dan. “Don’t wink at me.”

Dan just smirked in response. “Then stop reacting like that when I do it.”

God, Sebastian could feel his whole body turning bright red.

Dan’s smirk only deepened because the universe hated Sebastian specifically and had chosen this exact moment to target him with divine humiliation.

"How about that top shelf whiskey?" Dan winked again and all Sebastian could do was gulp.

That earned a chuckle from Dan, who flagged down the bartender himself and ordered two more.

"So, I hear you can pay for my drinks now," Dan said, holding out his glass once it arrived to clink against Sebastian's.

Seb obliged and clinked his against Dan's taking a half-swig to try and savour the flavour of the whiskey like he watched Dan do, swirling it around his mouth before swallowing.

"I mean, probate doesn't really work like that but… sure. I'll buy you once."

"I'm kidding," Dan nudged him with his elbow. "I—"

"Own this one too? Fucking shocking," Sebastian huffed, side-eying Sam for inviting Dan out to his own fucking establishment.

Dan laughed and shook his head. “Sam didn’t make me come. He just told me where you’d be.”

“That’s the same thing,” Sebastian muttered, finishing off the rest of his drink.

"Probably," Dan shrugged. "But I won't turn down a reason to catch up with you again. I don't want to step on your toes and text you constantly, especially now you're probably busy being super dad, but… it's nice to talk to you.

Sebastian’s brain short-circuited again.

Nice to talk to you?

He cleared his throat, staring very intently at the empty glass in his hand. “Uh. Yeah. It’s… it’s nice to talk to you too, I guess.”

What the fuck, Seb?

Thankfully, Harry launched into some story about work, giving Sebastian a reason to listen to that and not his brain berating him for acting so stupid.

Harry rambled, something about one of the receptionists at the firm stinking the place out with canned tuna three times a week, Sebastian didn't really listen.

But while he went on, Dan leaned in a little, close enough that Sebastian could smell his cologne. “You okay?” he whispered.

Sebastian nodded way too quickly. “Fine. Great. Super. Why?”

"You seem tense. Do you want me to leave?"

"What?" Sebastian said, snapping his head in Dan's direction then realising they were practically nose-to-nose. "N—no, why would I want that?"

"I don't know, maybe I made things awkward for you. Maybe you don't feel about me the same way I feel about you."

Oh fuck. Oh shit. Oh dammit.

"Wha—no, how… how do you feel about me?" Sebastian stammered.

That earned a chuckle from Dan. "Huh. I thought it was pretty obvious, but… if I have to spell it out, I guess I can…"

Dan’s breath ghosted across Sebastian’s cheek as he leaned in even closer. “I like you, Sebastian. Not just because you're Sam's friend.”

Sebastian’s heart attempted an escape through his throat and if he hadn't swallowed hard, he thought for a brief moment he may have thrown it up on the floor in front of Dan.

That's one way to open your heart to Dan…?

He opened his mouth to respond, if he could even think of any words at all, but Harry slammed his glass on the table so loudly Sebastian almost jumped.

“And then,” Harry announced, far too loudly, “she had the audacity to ask why we can't provide a section of the lunch room just for her and her tuna! Can you believe that?!”

Sebastian stared at Harry, at Sam who was laughing, then at Dan, whose lips were still curled into a soft smirk.

Dan murmured, “Your friends are loud.”

"Tell me about it…" Sebastian mumbled.

Dan smiled, but it faded when he watched Sebastian start to crumble.

"Did you want to leave?" Dan suggested.

Sebastian nodded, "I didn't want to be here in the first place."

"Alright. I'll walk you out then."

"Oh," Sebastian tried to dismiss him. “You… you don’t have to.”

“I know,” Dan said simply, sliding of his chair. “But I want to.”

Sebastian’s insides did something oddly violent and fluttery at the same time.

He stood then turned to Sam before stating, “I’m leaving.”

“Aw, already?” Sam whined.

"Yeah. Already. I'm tired."

Sam shrugged, "I suppose that makes sense. Wait, you're not gonna go and get Elle are you?"

"No, I'm not."

Not yet, anyway…

"Alright, whatever," Sam said with dismissive flick of his wrist, already turning back to Harry to hear the rest of the tuna story. "I'll text you tomorrow to see you before I go."

Sebastian nodded and slipped off the chair, beginning to walk through the bar.

It had gotten significantly more busy than when he'd arrived, so Dan slipped the palm of his hand against Sebastian's lower back in a way that made Sebastian’s pulse throb in his throat.

Sebastian pretended it didn’t make his entire spine feel like it was on fire.

When they finally made it through the door and stepped out into the cool night air, Sebastian stepped away from Dan's touch and sucked in a deep breath that Dan apparently noticed.

“You sure you’re okay?” Dan asked softly, not in that flirty way he had inside. This time he was genuinely concerned.

Sebastian nodded.

Dan raised an eyebrow. “I mean are you actually okay. Not the Sebastian version of okay. Because those are different things.”

Sebastian huffed out a breath. “I’m fine.”

“Seb.”

“I’m fine,” he repeated stubbornly.

His hands were shaking a little. Fuck.

"I didn't mean to push you with what I said inside. Yes, I do like you. But I don't expect anything from you. I know your situation is complicated and you're protecting yourself and your daughter but, fuck, for some reason I just cannot get you out of my brain. There's something about you that's just so… alluring. I can't put my finger on it because I have never felt this about anyone else before. Is it a desire to be your friend? More? I don't know, but…" Dan trailed off, exhaling sharply through his nose. “Whatever it is, it’s real. And I’m trying not to freak you out with it.”

Sebastian stared at him and didn't say a word.

Dan must’ve taken the silence as a bad sign, because he immediately stepped back a half-step, palms up in surrender.

“Look, just… forget I said anything. I’m not trying to complicate your life. And I’m definitely not trying to make you uncomfortable."

"No, you're not making me uncomfortable, it's just—"

Sebastian cut himself off abruptly. He needed to do something or he was going to combust.

He pulled out his phone, scrolled, then held the phone to his ear once he found who he was looking for.

“Jodi, hey. I just wanna—"

"Elle is fine, Seb."

“I didn’t ask yet.”

“You didn’t have to,” Jodi replied with a chuckle. “I knew what you were doing the second your name came up on the screen.”

“I wasn’t— I mean, I wasn’t panicking,” he lied. Poorly.

She laughed again, "I get it. It's your first time leaving her alone willingly. But she fell asleep an hour ago. She ate all her dinner, two serves of dessert and she and Vince played three games of snap before they went down. If she wakes up upset or anything, I'll call you right away."

“You’re sure you don’t mind?”

“Sebastian. I raised two boys. Looking after one sweet, calm little girl isn’t exactly a burden. Relax. Enjoy yourself."

He glanced sideways at Dan, who was pretending not to listen but absolutely was listening.

“Right. Thanks.”

“Goodnight, Sebastian,” she said warmly. “Try not to drive yourself crazy.”

He hung up.

And suddenly the silence between him and Dan felt thicker and heavier than it ever had before.

Seb tucked his phone into his pocket. “Elle’s asleep.”

Dan smiled. “Good.”

“Yeah.” Sebastian swallowed thickly. “It, uh… helps.”

“Do you feel a bit better now?”

Sebastian hesitated, then he nodded. “Yeah. A bit.”

"Good."

Ah, there was that thick silence again.

"I'm… gonna go home," Sebastian said quietly.

He watched Dan's face fall just a little bit, so small that he wouldn't have noticed if he wasn't watching for Dan's reaction.

"—but you… you can come with me if you want."

“Sebastian,” Dan said slowly, “I don’t want to make you feel obligated to—”

“You’re not,” Sebastian cut in immediately. “I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want you there.”

Dan lifted his chin slightly, searching Sebastian’s face for any sign of panic or pressure. But all he found was flushed cheeks that went down his neck, no doubt rushing to his heaving chest too.

“Okay,” Dan murmured. “Then… yeah. I’ll come.”

Sebastian smiled at him, then held out his hand, which Dan grabbed onto immediately with a chuckle.

"Still got that cheap whiskey?" Dan asked, squeezing Sebastian's hand lightly.

"Duh."

Chapter Text

Sebastian was awoken by the sounds of shuffling beside him. He opened his mouth to coo gentle words, hoping to coax his daughter back to sleep for a few more minutes to push her past 7 a.m.

Except it wasn't Elle next to him, it wasn't 7 a.m. and he felt sick.

Then it hit him like a freight train.

He left the bar with Dan, he drank more whiskey with Dan, he'd made it to bed with Dan…

Fuck.

Sebastian tried to sit up to find some water to sip on before he threw up all over the bed then realised he was incredibly sore, all across his lower back and down his thighs.

Oh. Oh fuck.

Right. That would be why he was sore.

He squeezed his eyes shut. The hangover wasn't bad, in fact, he doubted he was even hungover. He didn't drink that much. Maybe it was the combination of the alcohol and the events that made him feel ill…

Beside him, there was a shuffling of sheets and a yawn.

“Mmm. Morning, Seb," came a sleepy voice.

Holy shit, yep, that was definitely Dan's voice. He didn’t look back because if he did he'd see Dan's face and messy hair and that might make him confess something crazy like 'I enjoyed last night.'

He swallowed hard, trying again to sit up, except his back screamed and his thighs trembled, and he made a sound that could only be described as an embarrassingly pained whimper.

"You good?"

Good? Was Sebastian good? Probably, maybe. He wasn't sure what to feel… except guilt. He absolutely felt guilt.

He wasn't supposed to fall asleep. He wasn't supposed to have Dan there all night. He wasn't supposed to be sleeping with somebody.

Weekend mornings were for getting up with Elle, making pancakes. Weekend mornings were predictable and safe and structured.

But on the other hand, he also felt relief. He felt clarity.

What the fuck was this jumbled mess of emotions?

Sebastian dragged a hand over his face, sighing when his head pounded. Every movement was reminder, almost like a flashing neon sign over his head shouting: You slept with Dan! You slept with Dan! You slept with Dan!

"I'm fine, just, uh… gonna shower then… call Jodi," Sebastian muttered.

He was lying. He was calling Jodi immediately, he just needed to escape to the bathroom to do so.

Dan nodded and laid back on the pillows, stretching above his head with a groan that made Sebastian cringe because it sounded an awful lot like some of the sounds he'd made last night.

Nope. No. Absolutely not thinking about that.

Sebastian forced himself to stand upright, quickly realising he was still naked, and ran off to the bathroom with flushed cheeks, pretending every muscle south of his ribs weren't aching.

Once the door shut behind him, Sebastian sagged against it, letting out a shaky breath and threw his head back with a soft thump against the door.

“Jesus Christ,” he whispered to the ceiling.

He grabbed the phone he'd thankfully thought to grab on the way, noticing it was well past 9 a.m.

"Pick up, Jodi…" he hummed before he'd even hit dial.

But after waiting through too many rings, she didn't pick up.

Great. Good. Sebastian had already had doubts about leaving Elle and now she was missing.

He dialed again.

Voicemail.

He hung up, scrubbing a hand over his face. His pulse was spiking. His breath was getting tight. His stomach felt like he was seconds away from barfing.

Sam. Try Sam.

Thankfully, Sam picked up before the first ring had even occured.

"Well, well, well, Sebaaaaastian," Sam chirped. Sebastian could just hear the smug little grin on his face. "Can you tell me about Dan's cock now?"

"Shut the fuck up," Sebastian hissed. "Where's your mom?"

He heard Sam shuffle on the other end, like he was dragging himself out of bed. "Uh—hang on.”

A rustle, a grunt, the thud of feet on carpet, a door swinging open.

"She's not here," Sam replied sleepily. "But neither is Elle or Vince so I assume she's gone to the park or something."

“What do you mean she’s not there?” Sebastian hissed, voice cracking painfully. “Sam! What do you mean she’s not there?”

“I mean,” Sam repeated, yawning again, “they’re not in the kitchen, they’re not in the living room—”

"We need to find them!"

"Seb! Will you calm the fuck down, dude!? I'm sure they're fine! They'll be home soon and—oh. They're here now. Mom—" Sam called out. "Seb's looking for you."

Sebastian nearly collapsed with relief.

He heard movement, chatter and the sound of a little girl cheerfully saying something then Jodi's “Yes, sweetheart, you can have more of the muffin but not the whole thing—” then Sam again, muffled as he clearly held the phone out toward her.

“Mom, Seb’s freaking out. Talk to him before he has a coronary.”

“Sebastian?” came Jodi's unbothered voice. “We're all good here, we just went for a walk to get muffins for breakfast. I left my phone here.”

“Okay,” he rasped. “Okay. Okay, I—okay.”

“Elle’s fine,” Jodi continued. “She’s having a wonderful morning. Slept all night and woke up around 8. Did you want to talk to her?”

"Yes, please," Sebastian breathed, trying hard not to sound too desperate.

There was more rustling and muffled talk until she heard a cheerful “Daddy!"

"Hey. Elle. Hi, baby. H—How are you? You having fun?"

“Mmhm! Miss Jodi let me get two muffins,” Elle announced proudly, her voice shrill with joy. “And a dog sneezed on Vince! And! And! I saw a bird that was yellow but Vince said it was green. Daddy, can birds be green?”

“Um, yeah, baby,” he managed. “Some birds can be green, I guess.”

"Oh," Elle said, sounding utterly disappointed that Vince could be correct. “Well, are you coming now? Or later? Later is fine but Miss Jodi said if it’s later then I’ll get hungry again and I don't know what to eat for lunch!"

“I’m coming now,” he said quickly, before she could spiral into crisis. “I’m coming soon, okay?”

“Okay! Bye Daddy! Love you!”

“Love you too,” he choked out, but she’d already shoved the phone back at Jodi.

“Sebastian, she’s perfectly fine.”

He swallowed. “I know. I just—”

“I know,” she said softly. “Take your time getting here. She’s fed, happy… so go and have a coffee. You sound awful.”

"Okay, thanks," Sebastian sighed.

He hung up before he could accidentally confess anything about the last twelve hours being why he probably sounded awful.

Sebastian wasn't sure how long he stood there in silence, grateful Elle was okay after his guilt-inducing evening, but still on edge. He couldn't ponder for too long though, because there was a gentle knock on the door.

“Seb?” Dan’s voice said gently. “Everything okay?”

Sebastian startled. Right. Dan. The man in his bed. The man whose hands and mouth were everywhere on his body last night.

He shuddered then opened the door, hiding his still-naked lower half behind it.

“Uh, yeah. Elle's okay so… I'm gonna have a shower now."

Dan nodded once like he understood. Maybe he did. “Okay. Sounds good. I'll make some coffee and then once you're ready I can drive you to pick her up."

"Oh. You don't have to…" Sebastian trailed off.

"I know I don't have to. But I'm offering. I know you don't really have a vehicle, and if snagging a lift will get her home to you faster, then I'll happily do it."

Okay. Weird. This was getting weird.

"Dan, I appreciate it, I really do. But we talked about this. I don't need another parent for her, and—"

"Woah!" Dan interrupted, hands up in surrended. "You're right, we did talk about this. I thought I made it clear I didn't want to be someone's dad.

“Yeah, you did,” Sebastian said quickly, “I’m not—look, I'm not implying you’re trying to, I just… I don’t want you to feel obligated because of last night.”

“Seb. I’m not offering because I’m trying to play happy family with you.”

“Good,” Sebastian blurted.

Dan snorted. “I’m offering because you’re stressed out of your mind, and it’s a ten-minute drive. That’s it. If this is too much, I can stay out of the way. Hell, I can even head home now if that’s what you want.”

That made Sebastian’s stomach swirl. Not because he necessarily wanted Dan to stay, but because the idea of Dan just disappearing back into the morning like the night had never happened made something in his chest clench uncomfortably.

He took a slow breath and sighed before admitting, “I don’t want you to go.”

Dan’s eyebrows lifted a little before he smiled softly. “Okay.”

“But I just…” Sebastian dragged a hand through his hair with a tiny grunt. “I’m overwhelmed. And I'm tired.”

“Go shower,” Dan said gently. “You’ll feel better. I’ll make coffee for when you're done."

Dan waited until the bathroom door clicked shut before he let out a slow, shaky exhale and moved to the kitchen.

What the fuck is wrong with you, Daniel? he thought to himself.

The Dan Radley he knew never lingered, never stayed. He left as soon as the other participating party fell asleep. Not only had he fallen asleep himself and stayed the night, he didn't sneak out when he realised what had happened and he'd offered to make coffee and drive Sebastian to pick up his daughter.

He braced his hands on the counter and bowed his head, letting the weight of that sink in.

It wasn’t him, it wasn’t what he did and it sure as shit wasn’t what he wanted. At least, it wasn’t what he’d told himself he wanted.

He didn’t do morning-afters or hangouts in the kitchen or coffee in someone else’s mug in someone else’s home while their kid’s sparkly shoes stared at him from the doorway.

And yet here he fucking was.

Whatever. Dan shoved the conflicting thoughts to the side and got to work. He dressed quickly because if Sebastian felt half the things Dan did about him when he was shirtless they'd have a problem.

Once he was appropriately dressed in last night's attire, he located the coffee machine.

Perfect, he had the same one at home.

Dan poured the beans in the machine and set it to grind then ambled about aimlessly until he found the cupboard with the mugs which was oddly far away from the coffee machine. He noticed most of the mugs were mismatched. A few plain black, a dark blue one, one with a frog on it that read "toaday with be unfroggettable." Then his eyes landed on the mug that said "dad".

He swallowed.

Right. This was Sebastian's home (definitely not his!), he had a kid whose shoes were by the door. Sebastian was a father. This was not his lane. This was so far from his lane he might as well be off-roading.

Thankfully the beans stopped grinding, the mugs were full of brown liquid and Dan located the creamer quickly… except… did Sebastian put creamer in his coffee?

Dan frowned at the bottle. It was vanilla flavoured. Sweet, heavy, the kind of thing he couldn't see Sebastian drinking. But then, why did he have it if he didn't drink it? For people he had sex with? Surely not. Sebastian himself had said he was in a dry spell, well, until last night.

He set the creamer down. Black coffee it was. If Sebastian wanted something else, he could add it himself.

He carried both mugs to the sofa, but then hesitated. Was he supposed to sit? Stand and wait? What was the etiquette?

He opted for leaning against the counter, two mugs of coffee waiting. Casually. Like a man absolutely not thinking about that stupid “dad” mug sitting smugly in the cupboard.

The bathroom door opened and Sebastian emerged with a towel around his waist, hair dripping, water still beading down the tattoos on his arms.

Fucking hell.

Sebastian apparently caught Dan's staring because he scurried off into the bedroom before emerging moments later fully dressed.

"Hey—um, coffee. I wasn't sure how you liked it so I made it black," Dan said, holding out the mug.

"Black is perfect."

Sebastian smiled and reached out to take the mug, then took a long sip that ended with a sigh of satisfaction.

"So, um, if you wanna shower too, there's fresh towels in there," Sebastian said, wandering to the couch to sit.

"Nah, it's okay," Dan brushed him off. "I can shower when I get home. I know you're probably itching to see your little girl, so we'll go and get her after this."

Sebastian laughed, "Yeah. You're right. She's probably not that eager to see me, though."

"What do you mean?" Dan asked as he flopped on the sofa next to Sebastian, but far enough away it wasn't weird. At least, not too weird.

"Sounds like she's having the time of her life. I'll be surprised if she leaves with me willingly."

“Sebastian, she’s six. You think she’s gonna take one look at you and go, ‘No, thank you’?”

Sebastian lifted his mug to his lips and shrugged, “She likes spending time with Jodi. And she’s been… I don’t know… needing me less lately.”

"Doesn't that just mean she's comfortable now, though? I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm not an expert in kids who've clearly got trauma and a dead mother but… if she's spreading her wings, comfy enough to leave you and know she'll come back… she's feeling safe, right?"

The mug lowered from Sebastian’s lips and he narrowed his eyes at the floor.

“Yeah,” Sebastian said quietly. “That’s sort of what her therapist says too. Her newfound independence is progress, but it still feels like she doesn’t need me as much. And I know that’s selfish… I know it’s dumb.”

“It’s not dumb,” Dan reassured him immediately. "It’s—look, she’s a kid who had her world ripped apart again and again. Of course you got used to being her anchor. But anchors don’t stop being important just because the ship can sail a little on its own. The anchor is always there when it's eventually needed."

"I, um. Wow. Yeah, I guess."

Deep.

“The point is," Dan continued, "she’s growing up, not outgrowing you. There’s a difference.”

Oh God. I cannot cry. I cannot fuck a man and then cry. That's fucking embarrassing, Sebastian told himself over and over before he made a fool of himself.

"Yeah, um…" Sebastian trailed off biting his lip.

Dan seemed to get the hint because he downed the rest of his coffee in one fell swoop then stood, walking the mug over to the sink, "Anyway, I have to do some admin stuff this afternoon. We're looking at purchasing another establishment. This one's an inn type of thing. Totally not our style but hey, may as well try something new, right?"

Dan winked again and that was enough to pull Sebastian out of his spiral.

“An… inn?” he repeated, eyebrows lifting.

Dan smirked over his shoulder from where he was rinsing the mug in the sink. “Yeah. Or… maybe it was more like a saloon. Think Western swinging doors, whiskey shelves, dusty old wooden floors. The full yee-fucking-haw experience.”

“That’s not your brand at all,” Sebastian said, laughing a little.

“I know,” Dan replied, placing the mug in the dishwasher, “which is why my brother is convinced it's a terrible idea. Naturally, I’m taking that as a personal challenge.”

Sebastian snorted, “Of course you are.”

"Anyway, shall we go?" Dan asked, grabbing his keys from the counter where he'd dropped them in a rush the night before and shoved them into his pocket, giving Sebastian a moment to finish the last sip of his coffee.

Sebastian stood and wandered to the kitchen, setting the mug down in the sink. “Yeah.”

He grabbed Elle's booster seat from the corner by the door where he left it for when he knew they were travelling in a car and followed Dan out of the building and onto the street where his car was already waiting.

"We didn't drive here last night?" Sebastian asked, scratching his head.

"I know. I used my valet."

"Your what?"

Dan laughed, hard. "I'm fucking messing with you. I asked my brother and his wife to drop it off."

“Oh," Sebastian muttered, trying hard not to sound desperately embarrassed. "That makes more sense.”

“Does it?” Dan asked as he unlocked the car. “Because your face says you absolutely believed I had a personal valet.”

"Can you blame me? You just told me you're buying another pub."

Dan shrugged, "Eh. Equity."

Sebastian rolled his eyes. He went through the back, buckling Elle's seat into place and once it was secure, he climbed into the passenger seat and pulled the door closed with a sigh.

Dan started the engine, shot him a quick sideways glance, "It's okay, you know."

"What's okay?" Sebastian asked, trying not to run an exhausted hand down his face as Dan pulled out from the curb.

"If you don't want to do this again. It was fun, really fun, actually. One of the best nights I've had. But I won't be upset or mad if it never happens again."

Never again.

Sebastian wasn't sure if that was what he wanted. Was it impractical? Yes. He absolutely could not palm his daughter off to Jodi every time he wanted a booty call. Elle was his responsibility, his number one priority. He was absolutely fine with that. Being her sole provider was what he had taken on when he got custody of her. But still, he found himself cursing Emma from the grave again because the monthly visits were now firmly off the table leaving him with no chance to socialise at all. Sebastian preferred it that way… but still, that didn’t stop the ache in his chest at the idea of slamming shut a door he had only just dared to open.

“I didn’t say I don’t want to.”

Dan’s eyebrows lifted slightly, but he kept his eyes ahead on the road. “Okay.”

“It's just… my life isn’t exactly flexible,” Sebastian continued. “I can’t do late nights out or… spontaneous stuff. Elle will always come first. Always. So… whatever this is… was? It can’t be a thing. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'd love to do it again…"

That comment made him blush.

"…but I just can't see a situation where it can happen again."

Dan just nodded, "I understand. We'll carry on like normal see where the winds take us then, huh?"

"Yep…" Sebastian agreed quietly, choosing to fiddle with a loose thread on his jeans instead.

The rest of the drive was silent. Sebastian punched the name of the hotel in Dan's phone and when they pulled up out the front, Dan hesitated.

"Do you want me to come with you? Or stay in the car? Pay for a taxi to get you guys home?"

"What?" Sebastian scoffed. "No! I, uh… maybe just stay in the car."

"Can do," Dan nodded, putting the car in park and leaning back in his seat.

Sebastian unbuckled and stepped out of the car, heading straight for the lobby.

He was about to pull out his phone and call Jodi to find out what room they were in when he heard it.

"Daddy!"

Elle launched herself at him from the breakfast area. Sebastian barely had time to drop to one knee before she collided with him, arms clamping tightly around his neck.

“Hey baby,” he whispered, closing his eyes as he held her, breathing in the familiar scent of her strawberry shampoo. “I missed you.”

“I missed you soooo much!” she declared, pulling back to grab his cheeks, pursing his lips. “Vince ate a bug!”

Sebastian laughed through his squished lips, "Is Vince okay?"

"Yeah! He threwed up though."

"Wonderful," Sebastian chuckled, prying her hands from his cheeks. "Should we get your stuff and head home?"

Elle nodded vigorously. “Yes! I wanna show you the picture I made. It’s a unicorn and a dragon.”

“Cool,” Sebastian said, scooping her up as he stood. “Let’s go grab your bag.”

She chattered on about her unicorn-dragon-masterpiece while Sebastian carried her until they reached Jodi, who already had Elle's bag strewn over her shoulder.

"Hi, Sebastian! You've looked better. Big night?"

Wouldn't you like to know…

"Yeah, kind of," Sebastian mumbled. "Thanks for looking after her. I hope she was okay."

"Are you kidding? We had the best time! We even went and got our nails painted!"

Elle confirmed what Jodi had said by shoving her hand right in Sebastian's line of sight.

“Do you love it?” she asked, wiggling her fingers.

Sebastian kissed the tips of them. “I love it. They're beautiful.”

“It’s sparkle ocean blue,” Elle said proudly. "That's what the bottle said."

Sebastian smiled and took her bag, adjusting the strap of it on his shoulder, still juggling Elle. “Alright, say thank you to Jodi and we’ll get going.”

“Thank you, Miss Jodi!” Elle chirped.

Jodi kissed the top of her head. “Any time, sweetheart. I'll see you when you're in town next."

They turned and left, then Elle leaned in and whispered in Sebastian's ear. "Can we go to Pelican Town soon?"

"Yeah, maybe," Sebastian replied.

He didn't tell her she'd planted a seed in his head.

The entire drive back to his apartment that was filled with Dan asking Elle a bunch of questions and Elle answering them with as many words as possible, but Sebastian listened to none of them, too focused on replaying Elle’s little whisper in his ear.

Pelican Town.

It had been months since they’d last visited home. Too long, really. His mom kept hinting, or outright saying, that they should visit more so Elle could get to know the rest of her family, and Sebastian always meant to, but life always got in the way. Between his work, Elle's school, now the therapy they were both attending, it never happened.

And now there was Dan too, complicating everything in ways Sebastian didn’t have the emotional stamina to deal with.

Eventually, Dan pulled off the road just outside Sebastian’s building. Thank God.

Elle unbuckled then leaned forward between the two of them.

“Daddy, can I get out now?”

Seb shook himself from his thoughts. “Yeah. Go ahead.”

She scrambled out, already hopping toward the front door.

Sebastian went to unbuckle too and open the door when Dan caught Sebastian’s hand, which made him flinch a little.

“Sorry. You alright?” he asked, letting go quickly because he'd clearly felt the tug of Sebastian pulling away.

"Yeah, I'm good. Just tired. I think we'll both be having a nap today."

Dan nodded, “Okay. Just checking.”

Sebastian’s throat tightened. Ugh. He hated being seen."

He pushed the door open and stepped out before he could dwell on it and rounded the car to grab Elle’s bag from the backseat while Dan got out too, leaning casually against the front of the car.

Elle was waiting impatiently on the walkway. “Daddy, hurry! I wanna see Obie!”

“I’m coming, Elle,” Sebastian said, hoisting her bag onto his shoulder.

“You want help with anything?" Dan offered.

“We’re good. Really," Sebastian assured him. "And… thanks for the ride."

"Yeah, of course, my pleasure," Dan’s smile softened. “So, I guess I’ll… see you around. If you ever get out again or… whatever.”

Sebastian nodded, trying not to feel the sting of that whatever. “Yeah. Sounds good."

He turned toward the path leading to his building, Elle already bolting ahead, but then Dan called out again.

“Seb.”

He stopped and looked back.

Dan shoved his hands in his pockets which was a rare tell, because Dan was almost never fidgety. “For what it’s worth… whether we do this again or we don’t… I really like spending time with you.”

Sebastian swallowed hard.

“Yeah,” he said, quietly. “Me too.”

Dan’s smiley expression faltered just a fraction, just enough for Sebastian to know he’d heard the truth in his words. Then Dan nodded once, climbed back into his car, and shut the door, pulling out from the curb.

Sebastian turned away before he could think too much about that.

He followed Elle up the walkway and inside the building, the door closing behind him with a soft thud.

He hadn't lied, he was tired. Naturally. And he and Elle did have a nap together, after he put fresh sheets on his bed.

But his last thoughts before drifting off to sleep were how he was going to pull off a visit to Pelican Town the next weekend.

God knows he needed the break from both the city and his mind.

Also, here's my mug that totally inspired the frog mug in Seb's cupboard hehe