Archive of Our Own ^beta

Bruce Wayne had a reputation—billionaire, playboy, philanthropist—and was notorious for running fashionably late. It wasn't his fault, really, but sometimes when he got caught up fighting crime and saving the city as Batman, he tended to forget about important charity galas like the one he was supposed to be attending tonight.

"Are you sure my presence is really required?" Bruce asks as he finishes buttoning up his shirt.

"Yes, Bruce," Alfred replies from where he stands with a frown in the doorway. "You've sent in your RSVP four months ago, and Commissioner Gordon is expecting your presence."

Bruce sighed dramatically as he put on his blazer. If the Commissioner was expecting him, then there was no way he was getting out of this event.

Commissioner Gordon was the only person, besides Alfred, who knew that Bruce Wayne was the identity behind Gotham City's crime-fighting vigilante, Batman. At events like these, Bruce Wayne was expected to socialize with the celebrities and business executives; Batman was expected to socialize with the Commissioner.

Bruce drove to the location of the gala, the Gotham City Cathedral, in his sleek black Maserati Cielo. The irony of this event being hosted in a church, of all places, wasn't lost on him.

He wasn't a religious man, but hosting a gala where the main event was to bid on blind dates didn't seem very church-appropriate. But what would Bruce know? He stopped attending church after his parents died.

Bruce wasn't thrilled about going to another gala when he could be out stopping crimes, but he still put on his persona of smiling and waving to the cameras that flooded the outside of the red carpet he walked up on. The paparazzi were always looking for something slightly askew, trying to milk every ounce of emotion into a drama-filled story set to make headlines.

An event like this was just the type of event that Bruce would be known to attend. The money, the champagne, the dating, it all fit into the reputation he carefully curated for himself; even if he grew to hate the act more and more. How many times did Bruce need to bring home random men and women until the press finally caught on that he wasn't interested in actually marrying any of them?

Marriage wasn't on the table for a man like Bruce Wayne. He had too many secrets to hide and not enough trust to let anyone see them. He couldn't even date someone without them getting annoyed at his constant vague answers and cancellations.

Bruce would know because he's already tried. Several times.

By now, Bruce had just accepted that there was no way he could find love when he was still hiding his identity as Batman. And there was no way that Bruce was going to reveal this identity to anyone else anytime soon.

"Mr. Wayne!" Bruce heard Commissioner Gordon say over the chatter of the assembling crowd.

Bruce turned and found the Commissioner shuffling towards him. Bruce had expected that whatever news the Commissioner had for him was serious, and figured his happy facade was part of keeping up with the public image.

Bruce moved back a bit from the crowd to give their conversation some more privacy. "What's wrong?" Bruce asked, "Alfred said that you were expecting my presence here."

"Ever the businessman, aren't you, Bruce?" Commissioner Gordon laughed. "There's nothing I need to send the Bat out on tonight."

"Then why did you need me to be here?" Bruce asked with an edge to his voice. He knew he should have just blown off this event like he wanted to.

Commissioner Gordon smiled, and Bruce was instantly unsettled. He sensed that whatever the man before him was about to say, he wouldn't want any part in it.

"Unfortunately for me, one of the celebrities who had volunteered to be up for auction tonight had to back out at the last minute; caught some sort of illness," Gordon frowned. "Terrible luck, really."

Bruce stared at him, not yet understanding where Commissioner Gordon was going with this. "And just what does this have to do with me?"

"Considering I've been covering up some of your more recent mistakes, I figured you could help a buddy out and fill in for me." Commissioner Gordon explained. "Just think about the great cause that the money raised is going to."

When Bruce only continued to stare at him, readying himself to turn around and walk right out of this cathedral, the Commissioner tacked on, "You wouldn't want to lose the support of the police, would you, Bruce?"

As much as he liked to work alone, Bruce knew that without the police's support, his job as Batman would only get more difficult.

Bruce sighed. For being the Commissioner of the Gotham City police department, Gordon sure did know how to blackmail someone effectively.

"So you'll do it, right?" Commissioner Gordon hopefully asked as if he didn't already know the answer.

"Can't I just wire transfer you twice the amount you raise from this entire event and call it a day?" Bruce asked desperately. He really just wanted to get out of this creepy church and be done with this whole event. It's nights like these that cause drama—the same type of drama the paparazzi were looking for—and Bruce already had enough drama to last him a lifetime.

Commissioner Gordon considered Bruce's offer, and Bruce thought that he had found a way to finally escape. "No can do, Bruce," the Commissioner said, crushing Bruce's dreams, "I've already made promises that you'll make an appearance here tonight."

"Who did you promise me to?" Bruce asked, annoyance now being laced with confusion.

"No idea." Commissioner Gordon replied. "I received an anonymous letter asking for your appearance here specifically."

Bruce considered what this could mean. An anonymous letter was never a good sign.

"And you have no idea who could have sent this letter?" He asked, "You don't think this is some sort of elaborate trap or something?"

"Always jumping to the worst conclusions, aren't you?"

"It doesn't hurt to be cautious." Bruce replied coldly. "You should try it sometime."

Commissioner Gordon slung an arm around Bruce's shoulder, leading him in the direction of the stage. "I think you've just got yourself a secret admirer."

Bruce rolled his eyes.

He was Bruce-motherfucking-Wayne.

Of course he had secret admirers.

Accepting his fate, Bruce let himself be led backstage. He was met with a variety of men and women applying makeup and getting their hair done. Some of them he recognized briefly from newspaper magazines or other events he's attended in the past.

"What is it I'm actually expected to do?" Bruce asked as Commissioner Gordon finally stopped walking.

"I'll be saving you for last, so just wait out here until I call you up to the stage," the Commissioner explained. "I'll handle all the speaking; you just need to stand there and charm the audience into buying a date with you."

Bruce scoffed. "And you want me to actually go on this date with a stranger?"

"That is the point, yes," Commissioner Gordon replied. "I would have figured you would be into this sort of thing, given your reputation, of course."

Rolling his eyes once more, Bruce resigned himself to his fate and sat down on one of the available benches. Bruce never actually wanted crimes to happen and for people to get injured, but right now, he really hoped that one of this city's countless criminals would start causing chaos so he could excuse himself from this stupid event without the Commissioner throwing a fit.

Bruce could hear the sound of Commissioner Gordon starting the event with his opening speech. He listened to the cheers of the crowd and the bustle of backstage mindlessly while waiting for the ground to open up and swallow him whole.

Other contestants up for auction slowly started making their way onstage one at a time. The proceedings were going a lot slower than Bruce would have liked them to; he just wanted to get this whole thing over with already. The only thing he could hope for was that whoever won his blind date would be someone he had met before. Maybe the whole thing wouldn't even be a date at all, but a casual reunion between two old friends.

But then again, Bruce didn't have many people in this city he would consider to be his friends in the first place.

Finally, the waiting room backstage began to clear out, and an event worker was ushering Bruce over to the stage to await his turn.

Bruce watched on as a girl he didn't recognize spun around the stage flirtatiously. Commissioner Gordon was calling out prices, and the girl laughed every time the amount went up.

She's really playing to the crowd, Bruce thought, and wondered if he was expected to do the same. There was no way he was going to spin around and make a complete fool of himself on that stage.

"Now, our last prize up for auction tonight is a special one," Commissioner Gordon said as the previous girl was led off the stage to sit with the man who had won her company. "Please help me welcome out the one and only, Bruce Wayne!"

After being lightly pushed by the man next to him backstage, Bruce took his cue to walk out into the spotlight. He put on a fake smile and tried not to get blinded by all the lights shining on him.

"Everyone here knows the reputation of Bruce Wayne," Commissioner Gordon continued, "and the playboy of the night has even promised that the date you win will be hosted in none other than Wayne Manor itself!"

Bruce gave a level stare to the Commissioner. This was not what they had agreed on. Commissioner Gordon pretended not to see the glare from Bruce and continued giving his speech.

"Since Bruce here is such a high-status item, we're starting the bidding at ten thousand dollars!"

Bruce plastered his fake smile back on his face and looked out into the crowd. He wasn't going to be as showy as the previous girl, but he knew he had to look somewhat into this whole fiasco in order to keep up appearances.

The bidding kept increasing, but Bruce wasn't paying much attention to it. He hadn't recognized any of the people bidding on a date with him, and was already dreading to see who would win.

After what felt like an eternity of attempting to look lively and entertaining, the bidding slowed down, and it looked like it would finally come to an end. The girl who had bid the most and currently had the highest bid sat eagerly with a smile on her face. Bruce could admit that she was a pretty woman, but for some reason, he just wasn't into her. Maybe when he actually spoke to her, he would change his mind.

The girl had been consistently bidding on him this whole time, more so than anyone else had. Bruce had to imagine that she was the one who sent Commissioner Gordon the note requesting Bruce's presence tonight. She was definitely committed to winning a date with him.

"We're up to twenty-eight thousand, do we have a twenty-nine?" Commissioner Gordon asked. "No?"

Bruce steeled himself to walk offstage and introduce himself to the woman who was now smiling at him in full force. At least she looked friendly enough.

"Going once, going twice," Commissioner Gordon said dramatically.

"Fifty thousand."

Bruce, along with the rest of the crowd, was too stunned to move. It was like the room was frozen in time, too afraid to make a sound and disrupt anything. This entire time, the bidding had been increasing slowly, not by almost double the original price.

Curiously, Bruce looked around the room to try to find the source of this uncharacteristically high bid. When he finally found the source, Bruce's face paled at the sight.

In the middle of the room, standing like he owned the entire cathedral they stood in, was a man that Bruce knew all too well. Or more accurately, Batman knew.

The Joker was easy to recognize to him, even with the all black masquerade mask he wore. His normally unruly bright green hair was slicked back with enough gel that it made the color look darker, almost black, in the dimly lit area of the crowd. Even his makeup was more natural and subdued, not the dramatic clown paint he always wore, but a more refined look.

But Bruce knew those uncannily bright green eyes anywhere. He recognized that posture and confidence. He could tell that smile was one of the devil's.

"Fifty thousand!" Commissioner Gordon exclaimed when he finally came to his senses. "Do we have fifty-one?"

Bruce still had a look of shock and horror on his face. Did the Commissioner not recognize who it was that had just made that bid?

"Fifty-one!" the girl whom Bruce originally thought was going to win said.

"Seventy-five," the Joker replied calmly before Commissioner Gordon could say anything.

Seriously, how did nobody recognize that it was the Joker that stood amidst them like a demon among angels?

Bruce tried to calm his face back to a neutral appearance, not wanting to cause alarm. Only Batman would recognize the Joker like this; it would appear too suspicious if Bruce knew, especially since the Commissioner didn't even realize.

"Seventy-five thousand!" Commissioner Gordon exclaimed in awe.

"Seventy-six!" The girl yelled out.

Bruce had to hand it to her; the girl was determined. However, one look at the mischief that hid behind the Joker's eyes let Bruce know all he needed to; he wasn't going to give this up until he won.

"One hundred thousand," the Joker said like this was a normal conversation and not an act that would cost him tens of thousands of dollars. Where was he even getting this money from, anyway?

The girl slumped down in her chair in defeat, and her friends sitting next to her were quick to try to console her.

"Sold for one hundred thousand dollars!" Commissioner Gordon yelled. "To the man in the green suit!"

Bruce knew he was supposed to walk over to the winner, but there was no way he was willingly going to hand himself over to the Joker like this.

He didn't like not knowing what Joker's plan was. He hadn't made any spectacle or list of demands yet, but Bruce knew that something sinister was going to happen. If he were a religious man, he would have prayed that some divine being would save him from this moment.

"Go on, Bruce," Commissioner Gordon said. "The man's waiting for his prize."

Bruce tried to silently communicate the threat that was in the room, but the Commissioner wasn't getting it. He was too preoccupied with smiling about the large sum of money they had just raised. If Bruce knew anything, the police would never get that money, and Bruce would be doing all of this for nothing.

Slowly, Bruce made his way down the stage and towards the Joker. He tried not to look panicked; he didn't want to cause any alarm in the crowd and accidentally set the Joker off. He was dealing with a crazed maniac here, and nobody else even knew about it.

As Bruce approached, Joker smiled like a predator awaiting its prey. He stared Bruce right in the eyes and looked like he wanted to eat him alive.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Bruce said in the most neutral tone he could muster when he finally arrived at where Joker still stood.

Joker lowered his head and lifted one of Bruce's hands towards his lips before kissing it and leaving a stained mark on the top of his hand. "The pleasure's all mine."

Bruce didn't know what was happening. Did the Joker do this often? Did he have something planned to do to Bruce? Was he going to be taken as ransom?

Did he know who Bruce really was?

No. That didn't make sense at all. If that were the case, there was no way that Joker would be acting like this.

"So, a date at Wayne Manor you say?"

Bruce nodded stiffly.

"Think I'll be able to get a tour of the caves while we're there?" Joker leaned in to whisper. "I've always had a fascination with places where bats live."

Well, shit.

Joker pulled back out of Bruce's space with a smirk. "Come on, darling, did you seriously think I didn't know?"

Commissioner Gordon continued with another one of his speeches to close out the night, but Bruce could barely make out the words he was saying. Bruce was too focused on the maniacal man standing in front of him and what the criminal could possibly want.

"What do you want?" Bruce spat out. "What are you trying to get out of this?"

Joker pouted like Bruce had physically hit him instead of just asking him a question. "I thought it was obvious."

"Nothing about you is obvious."

The sounds of cheering and the moving of chairs against the chapel floor broke Bruce out of the daze he had been in since Joker began talking to him. People were starting to leave now that the event was finally over, and Bruce desperately searched the area for a way to slip out undetected without causing a scene.

Before Bruce could make his exit, Joker grasped his wrist tightly and pulled him closer to him once more. "Where do you think you're going?" He asked, "Backing out of our date so soon?"

Bruce shuddered. He felt his wrist tingle from where Joker still firmly held onto him, and tried to pull away out of instinct.

This was all too unnatural for Bruce. He was used to fighting with Joker—exchanging punches and gunshots—not whatever this conversation was. He still didn't know what Joker's plan was, and it made Bruce feel unsteady on his feet.

Bruce was too focused on the glint in Joker's eyes and the way the mask he wore over his face cast a sharp shadow against his cheeks from the moonlight filtering in through the stained glass that he didn't realize Commissioner Gordon had approached them until his hand landed firmly against Bruce's shoulder, causing him to uncharacteristically flinch.

"I don't mean to disturb our highest bidder of the night and his date," Commissioner Gordon said with a bright smile on his face, "but I have to thank Bruce here for doing this for us."

Bruce tried to signal to the Commissioner once more that there was a real threat in the room, but the Commissioner still wasn't getting the hint. Bruce thought that for sure he would have recognized Joker as the one who stood before them like an archangel now that he was closer, but the Commissioner continued on like nothing had happened. "And I have to thank you as well, Mr…?"

"You can just call me Jack," Joker said with a forced smile.

"Well, thank you so much for the generous donation, Jack!" Commissioner Gordon said like nothing was wrong. Seriously, how did he not recognize The Joker standing right in front of him?

"You'll have to excuse us," Joker said, placing a hand on Bruce's lower back that sent shivers up his spine, "we were just on our way out."

Commissioner Gordon nodded like this was all a normal conversation and Bruce wasn't being manhandled by the Joker in a comically elaborate chapel. With a wink, the Commissioner said his farewells and retreated in the line of another one of the winners from the night.

Joker kept his hand on Bruce's back and leaned back in towards his face to whisper in his ear. "Going to be a good boy and take me out to dinner first, or do you want to get me back to your place and get the real party started tonight?"

If the words weren't enough to send a chill through Bruce's body, the slow lick of Joker's tongue against Bruce's ear caused even more of a confusing reaction.

This was the Joker; there was no way Bruce was going to hook up with him.

"Take me home, will you, Batsy?" Joker fluttered his eyelashes and gave Bruce a small shrug in the direction of the door.

Bruce didn't know what overcame him to actually begin moving in the direction that the Joker led him, but before he knew it, his black Maserati was pulling up in front of him, and Bruce was accepting the keys from the valet driver and handing him a generous tip. He didn't even have a moment to collect his thoughts before Joker was barrelling into the passenger seat of his car and telling him to hit the gas.

Bruce drove, and once he was far enough away from the venue and hopefully out of range of any possible traps the Joker could have set up for him, he asked once more, "What do you want from me?"

Joker hummed. He had his feet propped up on Bruce's dashboard and his head thrown back against the headrest as if he were asleep. "I thought I had already told you that it was obvious."

"And I thought I already told you that nothing about you is obvious."

Joker pulled his feet back down from the dashboard and leaned closer into Bruce's space over the center console. Bruce tried to watch him from the corner of his eye while still maintaining focus on the road, but it was getting increasingly harder and harder to do so when Joker slowly dragged one of his slender fingers across the side of Bruce's chest.

"I want you," Joker said, and Bruce almost crashed his car from the shock.

"You want me dead."

"I want you any way that I can have you if it means I can keep you."

Joker was leaning even more into Bruce's space now, practically climbing over the center console to reach across his chest more easily, and Bruce wondered if he noticed how fast his heart was beating.

"What's the catch, huh?" Bruce spat out. "You always have a trick up your sleeve somewhere. There's no way I would ever get with a criminal like you."

Joker hummed like he thought something was funny, and trailed his hands lower down Bruce's stomach until they splayed only centimeters away from the increasingly hard area of Bruce's pants. "I think you want me, too."

"I hate you."

"I hate you more."

Bruce turned his car into an old alleyway with such force that it sent Joker flying off of him and back into his own seat. Bruce haphazardly threw the car into park before reaching at Joker and pulling him back into him.

The Joker kissed like he fought: rough, hard, and with lots of teeth. Bruce gasped when Joker reclined the seat all the way down until he was lying practically all the way backwards, before he surged back up to reclaim Joker's mouth.

They were a mess of limbs, spit, and teeth marks, but Bruce wouldn't have it any other way. They had fought together for so long, it was only a matter of time before they found a way to relieve the tension between them in another way.

"So that's a no to the dinner?" Joker said as he pulled away for air.

Bruce grasped the strap of the masquerade mask that the Joker still wore and pulled it off of him. If Bruce didn't get to be masked, neither did Joker.

"You never wanted dinner, only what comes after it."

Joker winked before sinking down again onto Bruce's mouth. "You know me so well."

The two of them continued grasping at whatever body part of the other's they could reach and tugging at clothes until they came off. Bruce planted kisses over the bruises that had resulted from their last fight a few days ago, and Joker traced idly over the bullet wounds in Bruce's chest.

They weren't an ordinary couple by any means, but Bruce couldn't imagine living his life with anyone else. It made sense, in a cruel, twisted way. There would be no Batman without his Joker, and no Joker without his Batman. They were like a cosmic force, destined to be together for the rest of their lives.

"Oh, Batsy," Joker gasped. His hair was no longer slicked back like it had been before, but was instead sticking out in unnatural angles from where Bruce took to tugging at it. His lips were swollen and slick with spit, and his green eyes flashed with seduction and pleasure. Bruce wasn't holding up well either, and knew that he must look just as wrecked as Joker did.

In a flurry of quickened paces and shouted curses, the couple crashed together against the shores of pleasure and rode their orgasms until the only things they saw were stars and each other's glowing eyes.

"Take me home, Batsy."

In the years to come, Bruce would always look back on this night with a smirk on his face. He would never admit it to Commissioner Gordon, but he was glad that he got roped into the whole event. As it was, however, the Commissioner was none the wiser about the blossoming romance between the city's most notorious villain and the hero who was supposed to be bent on taking him down.

"You can't escape me, J."

"Maybe I don't want to escape you," Joker said as he leaned up to press a chaste kiss against the only exposed part of Bruce's face; his lips.

Bruce fell headfirst into kissing his partner, and didn't realize until the warmth of Joker's lips had left his that this was all just a distraction so he could get a head start.

Bruce chuckled and radioed back down to where Commissioner Gordon stood with the police brigade. "He got away, but I'm in pursuit. The building's clear to evacuate."

Bruce set off running across the tops of the buildings after the Joker. This was their game now, and no matter how they played it, it always ended the same; they always found a way back to each other. They were Batman and the Joker, and everyone knew that you couldn't have one without the other.