Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"You may sit down, Levi", the man who calls himself Erwin told him. Levi, still recovering from his seemingly deep slumber, has evident questions running through his mind. Like how he got here, what that place is, and what is going on. Erwin sensed his confusion and continued, "You, Levi Ackerman, are dead". Welp! That answers his first question, Levi thought.

"Wow! I... wait, what are you exactly? What is going on? And why am I here? And if I'm dead, am I...", Levi pointed his thumbs up and smiled, then down and frowned. His thoughts got the best of him, and he uttered all of his queries aloud.

Erwin chuckled. "So this is not the concept of heaven and hell that you humans are told back on Earth.  Basically, in the afterlife, there is a good place and there is a bad place. I am a good place architect. You're good, Levi. You are in the Good place!" Erwin beamed at him, and Levi breathed a sigh of relief at his revelation.

"People who fulfilled their best lives on Earth are brought to this paradise. You, being a..." Erwin looked at his files, "A humanitarian lawyer, who saved lots of lives during your time on Earth, is therefore brought here to the good place."

"Cool, cool, cool!" Levi attempted to salvage their conversation through his socially accepted and awkward catchphrase. "Can I ask how I... died? I don't remember."

"Of course, of course", Erwin pulled another file and answered him, "in case humans died horribly, we decided to erase their memories for them to transition to the afterlife smoothly." Levi nodded at that, still waiting for all of the details Erwin would tell him. " All right, so you were in a grocery store in Mitras. You dropped a bottle of detergent called 'Humanity's Strongest Cleaner.' When you bent down to pick it up, a long row of shopping carts that were being returned to the collection area rolled out of control and plowed right into you."

"Oof! That's how I died", Levi dejectedly uttered.

"Wait, there's more. You were able to hold onto the front of the carts, but it swept you right out into the street, where you were struck and killed by a mobile billboard truck advertising a human growth hormone pill called 'Titan Maxxx' with three Xs. Funnily enough, the first EMT to arrive was your high school crush, and she reco--". Before he could finish his sentence, Levi interrupted Erwin. "Okay, okay... I get it... Thank you." There was a moment of silence before Levi kept on.

" So who's right about all of this?" he engages just to keep the conversation going.

" Christians, Hindus, Muslims, they all got a little bit of it right... Sikhs, Jews, Wallists, and Fritians... every religion guessed about 8 percent, except for Moblit Berner."

"Who's Moblit Berner?" Great, Levi! Keep asking questions you don't even care about.

"Well, Moblit Berner is a drunkard kid who lived in Krolva District in the 1970s. One night, he got high on psychedelic mushrooms, and his best friend, Gunther Schultz, said, "Hey! What do you think happens when we die?" and Moblit launched into this long monologue where he got like 95 percent correct. Ha! I mean, we can't believe what we were hearing!" Erwin enthusiastically pointed at a portrait of a smiling young man near his desk. "That's him, right there! He's pretty famous around here. I'm very lucky to snatch a copy of that."

Levi feels the air tightening around him and the office. He adjusted his collar to ease the tension around his neck. Erwin seems to notice that and offered him a glass of sparkling water.

"So, I'm in paradise, huh?" Face recoiling in disgust from the taste of the sparkling water.

"Yes, Levi. This is where you will live forever in this next phase of your existence in the universe."

"All right! Cool, cool." His deadpan expression is fighting to emerge to the surface.

Erwin stood up from his seat. "I think it's time for us to take a walk, tour you around this town. Shall we?"

"So this is how it works. The Good Place is divided into neighborhoods, but we, architects, call them 'Walls'. But you don't have to worry about the right term, coz y'all are humans. There is a total of 278 residents here, perfectly blended together to form a harmonious and peaceful afterlife."

While Erwin was busy touring him, the awestruck Levi observed the town and its vibrant and interesting restaurants. "Tch. There are a lot of frozen yogurt places around here."

"Yeah. People love some good ol' FroYo, I don't know what to tell you".

At that, Erwin directed Levi to a plaza with rows and columns of chairs.

"This is where we part in the meantime, Levi. Orientation's about to begin."

Levi grabbed a seat at the farthest back where he could see the whole audience. The environment is new to him, and being an extremely cautious person, that big a crowd scares him a little. A big screen emerged out of thin air in front of the grass platform. Erwin, in his suede tailored suit and red bowtie, appeared on the screen. Tch. He looks like an ugly giant teddy bear.

"Welcome, residents! This is your first day in the afterlife." The joyous introduction of Erwin stirred up a thunderous applause from everyone.

"You were all, simply put, good people. But, how do we know that you were all good people? During your time on earth, every one of your actions has positive and negative value, depending on how much good or bad that action puts into the universe." At Erwin's command, the presentation pans into colorful infographics detailing the point system of the afterlife.

"Every sandwich you ate. Every magazine you bought. Every single thing you did had an effect that rippled out over time and created some amount of good or bad. You know, when some people run the red lights at night when the streets are deserted, and they think, "Yeah, who cares? No one was even watching." We... were watching. Surprise!" The crowd erupted into laughter.

"Anyway, when your time on earth has ended, we calculate the total points you've earned using our perfectly accurate measuring system. Only the people who scored a certain number of points, the very highest of scores, the best of the best, get to come here to the Good Place. "What happens to everyone else?", you ask. Don't think about it," Erwin smiled innocently.

"The point is, you are here because you lead good lives. And you won't be alone! Your true soulmate is here too!" The good place residents collectively gushed in awe.

"That's right. Soulmates are real. Someone in your neighborhood is your actual universe-approved mate, and you will spend eternity together. So welcome to eternal happiness. Welcome to the good place. Sponsored by... a couple of seahorses holding tails!" "Awwwe," the crowd squealed in unison while Levi unamusedly stared ahead. "You know the feeling of seeing a picture of little seahorses holding tails? That's how you're gonna feel here, every day."

Erwin's presentation earned him a standing ovation from the residents. Some people in the crowd introduced themselves to each other. Levi, having no interest in any of it, inconspicuously walked out of the plaza. When he's a considerable distance away from the other residents, Erwin appears in front of him out of nowhere and offers to accompany him to his place.

Erwin and Levi stopped in front of a small, yellow house, which happens to be the new residence of the small man. They went inside Levi's new home, and Erwin showed him the nooks and crannies of his place, including Levi's clown painting and monkey figurine collection. " I do love clowns and monkeys!" Levi feigned his excitement.

At Erwin's scrolling gesture, a screen appeared in front of them.

"This is your video system. You can review everything that happened in your life from your point of view." Erwin pointed at a glowing green circle, where in an instant a clip played. "This is your human rights mission to the Mid-East Alliances." A lot of kids run in front of the view, where a hand—Levi's "hands"—handed them toys and clothes. "You got a lot of points for that one--".

Suddenly, a knock was heard on his door. A person with rimless oval spectacles peeked and went in. Levi scanned the person from head to toe. They are taller than he is. The person, who appears to be a woman, is wearing a moss green vest over a yellow shirt, a brown trousers, and... a pair of neon green Crocs.  

"Hange, come on in!" Erwin called them.

"Hello, Levi. I am Hange Zoe, and you are my soulmate!" Levi has never seen someone with a brighter smile than they have. She looks like the Sun in a human form. Her energetic tone combats that of a kindergartener in front of an ice cream truck. Too bad that does not change the fact that they have horrible fashion choices. Be nice, Levi lectured himself.

"Alright," he says as he extends his right hand towards her very long, but veiny hands.

"If you'll excuse me. I have other residents to attend to. You two, get to know each other."

As Erwin leaves for the door, Hange Zoe moved beside him, vibrating with unbridled excitement. Levi offered her a seat on his pristine white velvet couch.

"So, where are you from, Hange?" Levi asked as they settled on the couch.

"Well, I was born in Odiha, raised in Liberio, but my work took me all over the place. Hizuru, Slava, Mid-east... what about you?" Hange points her lanky hands at him.

"Uhm, I was born in the Underground City, Sina. I moved to Mitras, *pause* Sina. Worked in a school in Stohess, *pause* Sina. Then went back to Mitras... Sina."

Hange flashed him her toothy grin after quite some time, absorbing the variance of information, or lack thereof, he told her at once.

Hange took Levi's hands and said, " Levi, I spent my entire life in pursuit of the fundamental truths about the universe, and now we can actually learn about them. Together, as soulmates. Isn't that great?" He stared at her, dumbfounded.

Levi, extremely tired of every single thing that has happened to him since waking up, put his hand on Hange's shoulders. "Hange, you'll stand by me no matter what, right?"

" Yes. Of course, I would", still flashing him that weird, excited grin.

"You promise, with all of your heart, that you will do everything you can to make me happy? You promise", his eyebrows reaching the ends of his bangs, conspiracy etched on his face.

Hange reached for his hands and put them in front of her beating heart as if to tell him she is sincere. "I promise that I will not cause you any harm so that you get to spend your life here with ease and quiet", Hange said wholesomely from the bottom of her heart.

"Great! 'Cause those aren't my memories." Levi pointed his finger at the video screen. "I'm not a human rights lawyer and haven't saved lots of people from death rows and wars. I've never been to the Mid-East, whatever. I've never even been to any place besides Sina. They made a huge mistake! I think... I'm not supposed to be here."

Hange paced around the room, clutching her midsection."Oh no, no..." Levi's revelation has unraveled a torturous amount of stomachaches she experienced in her life (on earth, at least). She momentarily faced Levi, her supposed soulmate, whom she promised to be loyal to no matter what happens. Her stomachache— which she does not know if from excitement from earlier or fear of holding on to a lie— worsens as she surveys his handsome and flawless face. Despite his vertically-challenged stature, Levi's gray eyes remind her of an innocent little Liberian husky puppy, making him a 'quite gorgeous specimen' in Hange Zoe's eyes. Noticing herself oogling the small man, she abruptly stopped in front of him to ask the most important question. "What??"

"What do you mean by 'what', Hange? I told you, I'm not supposed to be here. They got my name right and how I died-- I mean, me picking up a cleaning supply and getting run over by carts and getting killed by a truck is the most "me" way to die. Other than that, they simply got it all wrong. Somebody royally forked up." He paused. "Somebody forked up. Huh? Why can't I say fork??"

Hange stared at him in disbelief. "If you're trying to curse here, you can't. They filtered out those words."

"Well, that's bullshirt."

The brunette continued her restless pacing, circumstances weighing down her shoulders.

Hange suddenly got an idea. " Hey, Levi! What if this is a test? Erwin is testing you to see if you would confess, and eventually, if you did, he would let you stay here in the good place."

"Are you hearing yourself, four-eyes?" 'Four-eyes? That's rude,' Hange thought.

"I can't turn myself in to Erwin. He will send me outta here the moment he figures out I'm not supposed to be here. Nothing has a free stay in this motherforking world!" 'Wow! He clearly has a potty mouth.' Hange gathered herself up.

"How are you so sure that you don't belong here. Clearly, there's some sort of miscommunication. Maybe, you're good, as the files say?"

"No, shirty-specs. You don't understand. I am aware of my actions on earth, based on what Erwin said during orientation. They're not... the best"

"Well, what did you do back on earth then?" Hange queried.

"I was... a school janitor in the morning, and a gang leader at night."

"If you're telling me being a janitor on earth merits negative points in the afterlife, we're not seeing eye-to-eye here, shorty."

"No. That's not what I mean, four-eyes. The moment I got here, it felt like something was wrong. For one, Erwin has those thickarsh, unkempt eyebrows." He then pointed at her feet, "and you wear those shirty arsh, neon Crocs." "What's wrong with them?" Hange thought. "And most of all, back on earth, I was involved in a lot of fights... and a bit of stealing"

[Back on Earth, District of Mitras, Sina]

The moment Levi opened his door, a bloodied Furlan stumbled inside his house. His fresh wounds and a broken nose alerted Levi's senses. When he was closing his door, Isabel ran fast inside, making his face fall flat onto the floor.

"Big bro, help us! They beat up Furlan into a pulp. He looks like a fucking strawberry. Eugh. There's blood everywhere. And musky sweat! Their oaf leader is very much angry at us." Isabel frantically grabbed the wooden lock and proceeded to turn off Levi's lights. She helped her big bro to his feet, and they got Furlan onto the nearest couch. Isabel ran off to the first aid cabinet, and Levi grabbed a wet cloth in his bathroom. Furlan groaned when Isabel accidentally touched an empurpling bruise on his shoulders.

"I just skipped a trade because of a shitty headache, and you two cannot go through without throwing fists? How will you two fare in this world when I'm gone? What in the fucking world have you idiots done to enrage a gang leader over smuggled oolong tea??"

"Well, if he's not that stingy, I will not have to tell him how pathetic and weak his stinky ass is," Isabel defended. "He offered a dreg, Levi! A dreg! And one silver for each box of the oolong tea that's worth at least--" Isabel counts using her small fingers, then shows Levi her widely open, and dirty hands, " 10 silver each! They probably think that we're stupid enough to be fooled."

Levi clicked his tongue while his careful hands dabbed the wet cloth over Furlan's extremely messed-up face.

" I told you, half the price would do. We stole those smuggled teas from the rich bastards at that mansion anyway." A week earlier, the three had the opportunity to sneak inside a corrupt politician's massive house to steal some goods. Their successful heist left them rejoicing for days with filled stomachs, and Levi was satisfied with his precious five boxes of expensive teas.

"But big bro! It's not fair if we halve the price. We almost got caught by Lobov's ginormous bodyguards, and we will settle for less? There's no way in hell! Consider the other half of the negotiated price, our service fee!" Levi smacked Isabel's head. "Idiot! Your lives are more important than those teas. What if those bastards hurt you for good? You won't be getting to see another day! Now, hand me the gauze!!"

Furlan ducked his head away from Levi's prying hands. "Ouch, that hurts, Levi, you midget!" the blonde hissed when the gauze brushed his raging red wound. "It's your fault. You move too much for someone who's hurt."

Isabel stood again to cautiously look outside in case the lackeys of the gang leader trailed after them. Fortunately enough, there's no one outside.

"Hey, Big bro! When Furlan delivered a blow to the oaf's face, his golden tooth fell out." Izzy grinned ear-to-ear, showing Levi the leader's bloody, but very golden, tooth. It seems like tomorrow, they will have a bunch of cash to stuff in the vault.

"Why are you looking at me like that, four-eyes?" Levi irritatedly passed through Hange to turn off the shirty video system. He faced her again to tell her to fudge a little bit until he finds a way to get out of their situation. Once he sees Hange's profusely sweating, pale face, a flash of irritation danced across his face. "Why, shirty-glasses? Afraid of tainting your oh-so-perfect moral code by sheltering a criminal? You're no better than me! What did you do during your time on earth then?"

"I have a double phd and am a professor in Biology and Ethics and Moral Philosophy, midget," Hange answered defeatedly.

"Motherforker!" Being paired up with someone whose entire existence is built on being good doesn't boost his morale. Like a defeated soldier, an idea popped into his head.

"Wait! What if you teach me how to be good! You being an ethics professor is conveniently perfect. You get to teach me ethics and moral philosophy, and eventually have me stay here. What do you say, Hange?" He searched Hange's face expectantly.

"Let me be your ethical guinea pig. Help me be a better person. In that way, I can earn my place here... with you." Levi wasn't meant to say the last two words out loud, but scratch that. He doesn't wanna get in trouble anymore.

All that is left is Hange's decision.

Chapter Text

The gears inside Hange's head are working overtime. Levi proposed an idea to her, a very tempting idea. Hange ponders as she, for the second time that day, paces around the room (that was thankfully hers and not owned by a potty mouth, and gorgeous, midget). Helping a person, especially someone who was meant to be her soulmate, is not something Hange normally spends hours thinking about. Helping people is literally her forte!  

She got a lot of questions running in her mind, like, if Levi doesn't belong here, maybe someone is meant to be there in the first place. However, Levi assures her that's not the case since every information that Erwin told him is correct, minus the part where he is a human rights lawyer.

But, on the other hand, lying is bad. Abetting a person and lying for them is worse in Hange's book. So her helping him is such a putrid, disgusting bowl of ethical soup. Not to mention, some of Levi's actions during his time on earth are... questionable. Even though it is not inherently heinous, the fact that it results in bad consequences does not sit well with her.

Then again, she promised Levi during their introduction that she would never, ever betray him and would not do any harm to the small man. Someone can't just break their promise to a person. Hange is conflicted, and most importantly, pooped. So she decided to do the best thing possible. Return to her soulmate's humble abode.

By the time she returned to his house, Levi was chilling on his couch, a cup of tea in his fingers. The way he handles the cup is quite peculiar. "What if you suddenly dropped your cup, Levi?"

He turned his head towards the brunette. "Finally took a shirt on your toilet? You were so pale earlier, I could have mistaken you for a ghost."

"We're already, technically, ghosts, Levi. And we, ghosts, do not defecate. It's just a sensation of stomachache, nothing to expel in this paradise. And Nanaba does not let the residents in the neighborhood go through constipation and other ailments."

"Way to go, smart arsh. I don't care for semantics. Have you-- wait. What the fork is a banana?" He stopped mid-sentence to ask the brunette's gibberish.

"It's Nanaba, not ba-na-na. She's not a fruit, midget. She's a walking database of knowledge and all truths in the universe. Just--" Hange stopped and looked up into space, "Nanaba?" A blonde, tall woman appeared out of nowhere.

"What the actual forkin' fork! You're gonna give me a heart attack," Levi was very much startled.

"Hi there! I'm Nanaba. How can I help you today?"

"Oh, Nanaba. I just wanna introduce you to Levi. He doesn't seem to know you yet," she says, pointing to the raven-haired small man at once.

"Hello, Levi," the Nanaba person turned towards him. "If you need anything, just let me know and I will gladly get it for you. Do you need a fluffy horse, or perhaps the latest version of the Roomba back on earth?"

"Finally! A woman I can tolerate in this place! Every person here is a bunch of weirdos," Levi said aloud, which one would think is a subtle dig at Hange.

Nanaba smiled at him. "Not a person. And definitely not a woman. I'm just a vessel of knowledge who takes the form of a human."

"Alright, then-- Oh, quick question, Nanaba. What does the bad place look like?"

"I'm sorry, Hange. That's one topic I'm not allowed to discuss. However, I can play you a brief audio clip of what happens in there, right now." At Nanaba's doing, a loud, toe-curdling scream was heard inside Levi's house. "Oh my god! The gluttonous titan chomped on my toes!" The moment Nanaba snapped their finger, the audio stopped.

"Well, that does not sound awesome." Levi directed his eyes to Hange.

Hange ignored the raven-head's burning stare. She turned to say, "Nanaba, who is in the bad place that would shock us?" asked the brunette.

"According to known data by all of the Nanabas of the afterlife, famous people on earth that was admitted to the Bad Place are Anka, Hannes, Djel Sannes, and Eren Jager for being the problematic vocalist of the famous band 'the Jagerists'. Also, some of the great philosophers are in the Bad Place, such as Aristotle, Plato, King Fritz VIII and Wilhelm Tybur, for defending any forms of slavery." Nanaba told them the grim information with the biggest smile on her face, as if waxing pleasantries to a friend.

"What!? Those great people down there. I just can't fathom knowing they're... being tortured." Hange moped after hearing the names of some of her philosophy icons.  

Before Nanaba vanishes into thin air, Levi requested, "Nanaba, can you give me some brandy?" A chime was heard, and Nanaba extended their hand. "Here you go", Nanaba conjured a tin can and gave it to the ravenhead.

After thanking Nanaba, Erwin surprised Hange and Levi at the door. Following him are two tall blondes (What's with this place's obsession with blondes?), clasping their hands together.

"Ah, Levi and Hange, I thought I might not see you inside your house this time around. Well, I want you two to meet Yelena Leonhardt and Mikhail Kensington."

Erwin turns to the two blondes, "Yelena and Mikhail, I want you to meet Levi Ackerman, your neighbor, and his soulmate, Hange Zoe."

Levi hasn't realized how gigantic the two people are.

Towering over Levi, Yelena approached him with a big smile on her face. "Hurrah! I'm so pleased to meet you, Levi. Erwin tells us so much about you. I'm glad I can finally put a face to a name." Yelena gushed to the black-haired man, the tall blonde lady harboring the strongest Victorinian accent Levi had ever heard in his entire life.

"I must say, I so adore your house. It's so tiny and cute, like a little child's plaything, or a house for a family of mice. Like a cage for little pygmy marmosets, haha. It's so teensy and adorable, just like you. Boop!" At that, Yelena tapped her index finger on Levi's pointed nose.

"Haha. You booped me!" Fork, another posh weirdo around. Levi resisted rolling his eyes.

"Yes, I did! By the way, this is my soulmate, Mikhail Kensington."

The *other* giant nodded his head as an acknowledgement of the introduction towards Levi, his eyes hidden behind his bangs.

"Ah, sorry. He doesn't speak much. You see, Mikhail here is a Wallist Monk who took a vow of silence and stability back on earth--" Yelena turns to her soulmate, "which he observes, 'till now... in heaven." Yelena's mouth slightly twitches, but she fakes a smile in front of the other three.

At least he's expected not to talk sometimes. I would love to stay silent in this shirthole. Urgh! Heaven people sure do a lot of talking. Levi sneaked a peek at Erwin, who was still talking to Hange animatedly. Can this giant bison read minds? I hope he can't. Ymir, please, don't let Erwin read my mind, or else I'm forked. What if they send me to the bad place and there's no tea in there? And worst of all, there's endless socialization, day and night. Shirt! Levi continues to ruminate on his idea of hell and doesn't notice Erwin is already talking to him.

"-- to Yelena's tea party." Levi whipped his head towards Erwin. "Sorry, I wasn't listening. What did you say?" He asked again, praying Erwin hadn't noticed his mind flying away from the conversation.

"Are you and Hange free this afternoon for Yelena's tea party?" Erwin repeated.

Yelena added, "Yes! It will be fun! There will be tea and scones. If you're a massive sweet tooth, there's this gigantic chocolate fountain!"

At the mention of the chocolate, Hange's eyes beamed at Yelena. Without waiting for Levi's reply, Hange answered for him. "Of course, we'd love to go, Yelena! Will there also be almond milk?"

"Sure is, Hange. This is paradise. You can request other types of expensive milk, aside from the 'cheap ones'. I recommend rich colostrum, a type of milk squeezed from the breasts of the most exclusive supermodels who suddenly got pregnant and got fired, probably. It's selected for us, the members of the upper echelon of society, but, you know..." Yelena momentarily stopped when she saw the straight faces of her associates. "Sorry, I digress. Well, Levi?" she said as if to divert the conversation.

"Yes. We'd go to your party, Yelena." Levi replied to end the blondie's never-ending tirades on how 'different and better' she is.

"Hurrah! Such fun! Boop!" What's this arshhole's deal with the booping, fork! Levi annoyingly rubs off the boop on his nose.

At least, it's a tea party. I'd be darmed if Yelena hosts it with a mad hatter costume. That's what I consider fun. Pfft. A tall arsh mad hatter. Levi smirked to himself.

Levi watched as Yelena, Mikhail, and Erwin bid their goodbyes. Hange's vibrating excitement beside him came back, just like how she was during their introduction to each other.

This crazy four-eyes gets turned on with chocolates? Lame.

"So, have you decided to help me out, shirty eyes?". Levi made sure no one was around anymore.

"That's the reason I am jarred right now, shorty. In every angle I view our situation, it's plainly... wrong. One thing about me that I want you to know is that I hate lying! There's a saying in Hizuran, "the bigger the lie, the harder it is to hide it."

"That was an inspiring quotation there, glasses", Levi stated sarcastically.

"Oh, it's more poetic in Hizuran. The point is, what we're doing right now is essentially wrong. We shouldn't hide this, especially to Erwin, who's an all-knowing being."

"There's something that Erwin doesn't know yet. 'Me' being here is an anomaly. So he's not as powerful as you think, four eyes. Unless he can read minds like Professor X? Well, then I'm forked. I've been insulting people inside my head since I got here." The short man didn't notice he was saying the last sentence aloud.

"That is one of my problems with you. You're not a decent human being. You always find the time to be rude. Tell me one thing you have done on earth that's good."

Levi, being tired of the conversation, replied, "I can't remember anything specific."

"Give me some more time to decide whether to help you or not. I want to enjoy the afterlife without this stupid stomachache. Let's just get ready for the party."

Hange left Levi to gather her thoughts up— and clothes she's gonna wear for Yelena's tea party. She's planning on experiencing fun things she hasn't done on Earth. She hasn't had the time for any unwinding during her lifetime, juggling two subjects to teach at the university and writing her thesis on moral philosophy at once. Maybe her overworking and extreme lack of sleep killed her at a mere age of 30.

Welp, there's no use in ruminating about my past. I'm in the Good Place and I'm gonna make the most of it. Now, a tea party calls for one heck of a pop culture reference. She's gonna be the Mad Hatter for the afternoon gathering.

Hange, being the weirdo she is, dressed to nines (or negative nine thousand). Her hair is gathered up in a messy ponytail, but strands are flying away from the hairtie, while a ratty hat sits on top of that bird nest. Her red loafers are styled with striped black and white knee-high socks, and her red capri pants peek out of her green-and-purple tartan plaid pattern kilt. The cherry on top is her lumpy brown vests over a red polo, and a forking bedazzled bowtie, like a cross between the Mad Hatter and a clown. I hate clowns! Levi gawked at her in disbelief.

"Goodness Ymir, Four-eyes! Did March Hare tailor that abomination for you? What the fork, Hange. We're not supposed to stand out from everyone else at this party." Levi aggressively whispered in her ear, secondhand embarrassment etched on his face.

"Come on, shorty! Just give me this moment. It has always been my dream to cosplay the Mad Hatter, and at a tea party at that!" The brunette grinned like a clown.

"Really? That's your dream? Having your fashion faux pas?" He rolled his eyes at her. He plans to distance himself from four-eyes during the party and sulk at the nearest empty corner he can see. He scanned the place— Yelena's very spacious mansion — and was amazed by the expensive chandelier hanging from the expansive ceiling. I can probably fit my house in this lounge alone, he thinks.

He turned towards his companion and said, "Your fashion choices disgust me, Hange. You're my soulmate, which means everything you do ties to what kind of person I am. This is extremely embarrassing." He shakes his head, emanating the spirit of a disappointed father to his son.

"Give me a break. Ever since I've known you, I've been consistently a nervous wreck, which, by the way, just happened this morning! I am in paradise, and I'm having stomachaches! Don't rain on my parade just because you're miserable. I've been in enough precarious... circumstances here... with your secrets, yet you always have that disgusting look on your face. If you want me to teach you ethics, let me at least have a little bit of fun." Their whispering fails to conceal their heated argument.

"This is not fun when you're wearing that crazy costume. For all I care, you can dress as Alice, not that ghastly, pathetic excuse of an outfit. You look like a forking hobo."

"That's not nice, Levi. Homeless people are victims of systemic--"

"Oh! Don't go PC on me, shirty-glasses. Don't give me a lecture about your wokeness shirt."

"Okay! That's it! I'm not gonna help you with your problems. I thought helping you was alright, but I'm wrong. You are a bad person, Levi. It seems like teaching you how to be a decent person is a lost cause. You're on your own now!"

"Fine by me! I don't care. Your feelings are hurt. Well, let me tell you this. Ya crazy!" Levi dramatically gestured his index finger all over Hange.

Hange carelessly let go of Levi's grip on her wrist. As she took a sharp turn on a corner, Mikhail ran into her. The wallist monk just stared at her. His eyes sweep Hange from head to toe, evidently judging the brunette. But she didn't notice any of it because of her anger towards the offensive short man. "I'm sorry, Brother Mikhail!" Hange apologetically bowed in front of the blonde.

"Hmmm," the monk replied, copying Hange's gesture as if to tell her it's alright.

At a distance, Levi murmured. "What a doofus. Tch."

Suddenly, Erwin appeared behind him. 'Did he hear my conversation with Hange?', he thought.

"Where's your soulmate, Levi? And why are you standing here by the door? Come on in, they are serving tea and Victorinian biscuits, and these smooth and creamy Miryburgh cheesecake scones. Loosen up a little bit." Erwin said as he took a bite of the scones he was holding.

"Hange's just--", Levi glanced at his soulmate, now munching on a chocolate fondue, "---reserving our seat. I'm gonna be with her in a moment."

"Then, I won't keep you for long. Go, join her right now. You two were so... passionate earlier. Always whispering to yourselves. Haha! Go on, go on. Don't leave your lover alone." Erwin gently pushed him towards the section of food. Eugh. Hange is not even my lover. Now I'm thinking Erwin might be a fraud. Pfft. Who am I kidding? The fraud here is me. Levi thought as he approached the bespectacled brunette.

Behind her, Levi whispered, "Hange, Erwin is watching us. Smile and pretend we're on good terms." At that, the two faked a smile and waved in Erwin's direction.

"He heard everything?" Hange asked in a hushed voice.

"I don't think so, no." He shook his head softly.

"Have you reflected on what you've done and said to me?" Her tone suddenly rose above a whisper. Some of the partygoers looked at them.

"Not now, four-eyes. I'll apologize later, but you know I'm right." Hange opened her mouth to say something. But the brewing argument between the two was interrupted by an audible silence. A clink of glass was heard in front of the gathering. It's Yelena, and beside her was Brother Mikhail, still silent, as his soulmate gave her speech. Who the fork gives speeches at a tea party?

"Welcome, welcome!" Yelena dramatically spread her arms. "My soulmate and I apologize in advance. We planned on doing a grand soiree in the evening, but we settled on this simple celebration," Yelena motioned her hands as if showcasing her house. Gold-trimmed pillars, colorful and massive curtains that scream elegance, and on the tables, expensive china sets. At the center of the podium in front stands a—not just giant— but a colossal chocolate fountain. Levi glanced at Hange, who had an uncontained spark in her eyes.

"You really love chocolates, do you?" He raised his brows at her.

"Yes! They're my only companion in the lab whenever I stay overnight for experiments and writing my manuscript. Chocolates fill my heart with happiness. It makes me forget my problems sometimes." Hange then looked at Levi. Their eyes met, and he was struck momentarily when he realized the color of Hange's eyes. It makes sense, Levi thought. He cleared his throat as if to ground himself in the reality of the situation.

They returned their attention to the host of the party.

"Help yourselves to the refreshments in the food section. In the meantime, I'm gonna introduce you all to our beloved architect, Erwin!" The residents applauded when Erwin went in front of Yelena.

"Thank you! Thanks, everyone!" He waved at the partygoers like he was a rock star. "You all know that I am the architect of this neighbourhood. But what you don't know is... Golly, I'm not supposed to tell you this, but, uhm... Oh! What the heck! This is actually the first neighborhood that I got to design." Erwin giggled at that.

"I had been an apprentice for over 500 years, and my boss finally gave me my first solo project. Whoo!" The crowd exclaims, and Erwin chuckles excitedly.

Hange pulled Levi to sit at the nearest table and proceeded to pour themselves a fragrant tea. The raven-haired man searched his suit pocket for a tin can. "Is that the brandy Nanaba gave you? What are you going to do, shorty? And have you been drinking before going here? That explains your outburst earlier. Hey!" Hange slightly tapped his hand as an attempt to stop Levi before he could pour alcohol into his drink, but failed miserably. "I need to be intoxicated because tonight is shirty. Might as well enjoy myself with a laced tea."

As he took a sip of his laced tea, Erwin's muffled voice can still be heard in the distance, "-and you deserve to live in a perfect world, because every single one of you--" Erwin's eyes settled on Levi as if he knew something. "-- is a good person." Levi nervously gulped his drink.

"That's it for me. Back to you, Yelena." The architect politely gave way to the hostess of the party.

"Bravo, Erwin, bravo!" Yelena said as she elegantly clapped her hands.

"Thank you all so much", laughs Erwin as he steps aside.

Yelena continued, "And I would just like to quickly say if any of you would like to play tennis tonight, we have an expansive 39 regulation grass tennis courts. Such fun. Cheers! Also, Mikhail and I---"

As Yelena carries on with her hostess speech, Hange notices Levi's contorting face.

"Gleugh! Yelena, what a condescending bench. She's an arsh-licker too. Why does she still have that posh Victorinian accent? Everyone here has none. She chose to have that accent.'Oh! I'm Yelena, and I look like a giant and mean cartoon giraffe'", Levi mocked Yelena, seemingly already drunk with his tea and brandy.

"That's enough, Levi. Erwin would notice", Hange shushed, trying to calm him down, but the short man was swift as a fox and got away from her grip.

"I'm just going upstairs, shirty *hiccups* four-eyes", Levi escaped Hange's metal grip while drinking straight from his tin canteen.

"Levi, wait for me!" Hange caught up to the shorter man with her long strides. She would knock some sense into the intoxicated man. "This is so out of character for you, midget. You come across as a collected man when I met you earlier--" Levi shushed Hange's lips with his index finger. "You don't know me shirty... four eyes. One thing that... death wouldn't change about *hic* me... is... I love me some gold stuff. That blonde giraffe wouldn't notice... anything missing anyway." His slurred speech betrays the way he confidently walks. Levi still manages to climb the mansion's never-ending stairs without tripping.

Oh boy. Robbing a house while inebriated is just a walk in the park for Levi Ackerman. Hange sighed to herself.

After the festivities, as a decent person Hange is, she escorted her soulmate home. At the safety of his house, she brought the small man in front of the ledge of what seemed to be the way towards his bedroom.

"By heavens! This stupid ledge. Why is there *hic* no stairs here?" He raised his one leg to reach the other level.

"That tea party sucks arsh. They said they're gonna *hic* serve the finest of teas, but all we got served tasted like piss. And Yelena is such a butthole!" Levi celebrated like he's sober when he's able to say his insult. "Whoa! At least I can still say butthole. Yelena. Is. a. butthole. a. butthead... ha !" Levi punctuated every word to emphasize his irritation with the blonde woman.

Hange followed Levi to his bedroom to make sure he won't hit his head on his furniture. She chuckled to herself because she's not used to being the responsible one back on earth. Hange helped tuck Levi into his bed, and she felt something in his pockets.

"Did you just stuff your pockets with macarons? It's all ruined." She felt the sticky and annihilated part of the sweet confectionery.

"*hic* Yes??", he replied.

"And what's this? A golden egg?" Hange found the spherical egg in the deepest part of his suit's pocket.

"*hic* Yes??", he replied, again. "There's a lot of treasure around that *hic* house. The blonde bench wouldn't *hic* notice anything."

Hange sighed in defeat and proceeded to rummage through his wardrobe for a pair of pyjamas. "Found you some sleepwear, Levi. You can clothe yourself, yes?" Levi slurred a muffled reply that resembled 'yes'.

"I'm gonna retire for the night. Can you take care of yourself now?" Hange, approaching the bedroom door, said.

Levi suddenly sat upright on his bed. "I've been taking care of myself since I was little, *hic* four-eyes," Levi said, a little bit sober now. "I'm used to being alone to fend for myself since my mother died when I *hic* was nine."

Hange stopped by his door, shocked at his sudden divulgence. Levi read Hange's face but continued, "My uncle, Kenny, adopted me after my mom died, but only so he could keep my orphan allowances, and probably for *hic* tax write-offs." Levi continued ruminating.

"He also taught me how to wield a knife so I could defend myself and take down guys twice my size. You see, *hic* he's also a gang leader. But one day, he disappeared."

Hange felt bad for the short man. As she thinks about comforting him, he kept on, "Some cop knocked on my door one day, and told me he's dead and I could keep Kenny's house. Pft. I mean *hic*, we came from the slums in the Underground City, so imagine my joy when I received that decent house."

By the end of his story, Hange felt devastated for Levi. The raven-haired man carried on with his musings. "Maybe he's at The Bad Place being tortured, or he's with his ilk and they're torturing each other." Levi closed his eyes, sleep knocking at his door. "I also wonder how my mom is *hic*. She's probably in another neighborhood. She's an *hic* angel." A slight tear fell on his cheeks.

"You know who *hic* also deserves to be in the good place, Hange?" his sleepy speech was evident. "It's you, Hange. 'Cause you're a good person. You're a good person, Hange.. su... saw..."

"Hange Zoe", she corrected him.

"Hange S-Stew," Levi slurred.

"Hange Zoh-wee", she pronounced it clearly.

"Whatever, hmmm." A moment of silence passed between the two, then Levi suddenly said, "I'm sorry about earlier, four eyes. I didn't know why I said it. You're trying to help me, and I've been an arsh hole. Everything's overwhelming. My head's gonna *hic* explode." He massaged his forehead weakly.

"Let's talk tomorrow, shorty, when you're all sobered up," Hange responded.

"Good night, shirty-glasses." Levi dropped onto his bed and instantly fell asleep.

"Good night," Hange replied to the very asleep Levi. She pressed the automatic door of his bedroom. The retracting door, with clowns and monkeys painted on it, was revealed, accompanied by bright clown music.

"Well, that's scary."

Levi woke himself up to go to his bathroom to freshen up, but thunder was heard outside. He immediately gets out of his reverie to open his windows.

Outside of his window, there was chaos everywhere. Thunderstorms and black clouds are looming over the neighborhood. A flying goose is hovering above Yelena's mansion. The goose then laid a massive golden egg, and it destroyed the top roof like a wrecking ball. There was a ticking clock noise, and the 'March of the March Hare' was playing in the background.

Levi ran into the town square to find Hange. By the corner, he stumbled upon a frantic Erwin.

"Erwin, what's happening?" Levi shouted to the tall man over the loud music that was playing. Levi noticed that Erwin and the residents are wearing a neon green onesie and 2022 New Year countdown glasses that inconveniently conceal their left eye.

"I don't know, Levi. Everything's a mess this morning. I don't have any idea what's going on. I have to find Nanaba at once." A resident in the background tripped over a giant crumb of macaron.

"Take cover, Levi. Or better yet, go back inside your house. I'll find a way to stop this chaos. Bye!" Erwin hysterically ran away, probably to take shelter in his office and find a solution to the mayhem.

Finally, a running Hange appeared from a block. "Levi, you're here. Why are your clothes like that?"

"You don't have the right to critique my clothes when y'all look like the personified version of glowing marij--" Levi looked down at himself. He was still wearing his pajamas last night. Realization dawned on both of them.

"You're the only one who's wearing different clothes!"

"Yeah. No shirt, Sherlock, Hange."

"It means, this chaos is happening because of you!"

"Oh fork!" He cursed in admission.

"Let's go to your house. Now! Levi, let's go." Hange called out while running.

When Hange was at a considerable distance, a cloud hovered above a perplexed and shocked Levi. Rain fell only at his spot, drenching him all over. Some of the rain went into his mouth. Is this tea? Levi thought to himself. He tasted the 'tea-rain' and gagged inside "Gachk. This 'tea-rain' tastes like piss."

Hange came back to grab him. They ran and ran into the chaos. Along the way, they avoided a journey of giraffes that were running around. Everyone was shouting and taking cover.

When the two are finally in the safe confines of Levi's house, Hange turns to the raven-head. "What did you do, Levi? Explain what's going on."

"I don't know, shirty glasses. I just woke up and this is already happening." Levi bit on his fingers nervously.

"Hey, Nanaba?". The blonde 'robot', as what Levi decides to call them now, appeared behind him. Levi whipped his body towards them and found out Nanaba was also sporting a similar getup as everyone else. With great determination, he asked, "Quick question, can anyone access our search history, or is this an incognito browser situation. Like when you're searching for the nearest black market where you can purchase smuggled Da Hong Pao tea from a school computer?"

"It is a hundred percent confidential. No one can access your browsing history, including Erwin. Now what kind of pornography would you like to see?" Nanaba replied gallantly.

"Oh! Definitely not!" With a bit of reservation, he requested, "Can you get me the same clothes y'all are wearing?"

Nanaba extended their hand towards Levi. "Here ya go." He reached for the clothes gingerly. Upon muttering his thanks, Nanaba disappeared automatically.

"I'm gonna change my clothes, four eyes. Stay here. Do Not Move. And don't peek--"

He's interrupted by a loud siren. The alarm went off, lights painting every surface red. Levi's video system turned on, with Erwin in the center of the screen. With a straight stare at an imaginary camera, the architect announced, "Emergency neighborhood meeting at Yelena's place, now!" The screen automatically turned off.

Levi bolted to the nearest room that provided him an ounce of privacy. Hange was left to dissociate in front of Levi's nook of clown painting slash monkey figurine collection. This 'thing' scares me so much, Hange stared disapprovingly.

At Yelena's mansion, all of the residents, including the tense Hange and Levi, gathered in the middle. The concern and utter fear about what's happening in their neighborhood slumps all of their shoulders.

The sweaty Erwin announced himself in front of the concerned citizens.

"Good morning, everyone, although I wouldn't call it good. I know you're all scared, given that-- ooh", Erwin abruptly stopped midsentence to feel his armpits. His shaking hands found out that he's sweaty all over. Nanaba appeared beside him, offering something that seemed to be a handkerchief.

"Oh, I'm so tense, water is leaking out of my underarms and neck. What do you call that, Nanaba? A human body flood?" The architect's voice was shaking.

Nanaba pointed their pointy finger up as if they were teaching a class of innocent children. "No, Erwin. It's called sweat, and you dab it with a cloth!"

"Yeah, okay." Erwin anxiously followed Nanaba's instruction. "And what do you do with it, Nanaba? Do you lick the cloth?" and Erwin proceeded to lick the handkerchief. "Is it working? Why isn't it working?" In the crowd, Hange whispered to Levi. "Look at him. He's a mess because of you." Levi shushed her.

"Your human body is releasing stress hormones to cool you off by activating your sweat glands, the human's evolutionary mechanism to prepare yourself for any perceived threats. I suggest you take a deep breath, Erwin." Nanaba reached for Erwin's trembling hands. Upon doing that, the architect relaxed.

"Thank you so much, Nanaba." Erwin patted Nanaba's shoulders.

"You are very welcome." The human robot said with a convincing smile.

"Alright. I'm sorry, everyone. I'm not used to my human body yet. You see, to be able to get the feeling of humans and provide the supreme experience for all of you, we architects wear human bodies." He straightened up his posture in front of everyone, then continued. "Enough of that. Obviously, there's something wrong with this neighborhood. We don't know what it is, how long it lasts, or what caused it." By Erwin's utterance of the last words, Hange faced her body towards Levi as if telling him he's the one who caused it. The ravenette rolled his eyes at her, holding her wrists that subtly say, 'Stay put!'

"What do we know, Nanaba?" the architect asked curiously to his companion.

Nanaba replied. "We know where it happened." Levi and Hange tensed up.

"Here." The robot assistant replied with a smile. The two soulmates breathe a sigh of relief.

"Yes. Thank you, Nanaba. The chaos happened right here." Erwin said, assuringly, and he swallowed a lump in his throat.

"See, the problem with these perfect systems is that even the tiniest of flaws can lead to... Can lead to Marlowe over there." He stuttered at the last sentence and pointed towards the side of Yelena's house. Situated there is a man with what looks like a body in a second dimension, super flat and linear. The residents murmured, fear evident in the atmosphere.

Marlowe, despite his situation, waved to everyone.

"Hang in there, buddy," Erwin promised the man.

"Oh, Nanaba. I'm sweating again." Nanaba tapped the architect's chest as if to calm him.

In a moment, Yelena gasped. It can be seen that her clothes are starting to revert to her elegant suit. "Erwin, look." The tense atmosphere eased.

"Okay! That's a good sign. It could mean that this is all over."

Yelena released a pleased squeal. "Oh, such a relief. That was my first time as a fashion "don't", and I did not care for it. The colors are so tacky!" She complained to everyone. Levi glanced at Hange to see if she was taking offense from the blonde's blatant criticism of her favorite color. Luckily, Hange seems to be mentally distant from her surroundings. "What are you thinking about, glasses?" He asked her. The brunette just looked at him, curiosity reflecting behind those chocolate orbs.

Erwin ended the meeting, and everyone dispersed to get back to their own houses.

Hange pulled Levi outside. They went back to his house to discuss everything, including his morally questionable situation.

Hange's legs are turning into jelly. She sat on his couch to support herself.

"Four-eyes, have you decided on anything yet?" Levi sits next to the pale brunette. When a certain amount of time had passed, and Hange seemed to collect herself, she turned to Levi. "There's this philosopher in the West, called Immanuel Kant. He has this book called 'The Metaphysics of Morals'."

"Okay, who is that rando? I don't even know him. Tch." He replied irritably.

"Listen, in his book, he posits a treatise for moral principles. The 'metaphysics of morals' is a framework for establishing the basis for universal morality, free from the empirical experiences of each individual." Levi stared at Hange, and she expectantly searched his face for any recognition of the concept.

"It's a treatise on the aesthetic preconditions of the mind's receptivity to duty." Another attempt at telling him.

"It's a book on how to act good," Hange told him impassively.

Levi's face perked up. "Great, four-eyes. You decided to help me then."

Hange scratched her head. "Well, I have lots of questions in my head." She stood up in front of Levi and paced around. "Is there a moral imperative to help you? Do I have a more important obligation to my community? Are you taking someone else's spot, someone who's supposed to be here, instead of you?"

"I told you, glasses. Everything Erwin has said about me is right. He called me by my name, Levi Ackerman. I think there's no one on earth named like me, except for maybe geriatric and old men." Levi resisted himself from pleading in front of her, so he— failingly — faked a devastated face. "Help me, four eyes. I promise you, I'm worth it." He dramatically clenched his fist in the air, an attempt to sway the sentiment of the woman toward him.

Hange, on the edge of her sanity, yielded to the short man's persuasion. Her promise to help him is plaguing her mind. I don't break a promise to anyone.

"Fine. I'll teach you ethics. I'd try to help you become a better version of yourself." She slumped her back.

"Great! As a token of my appreciation, I'll brew you one of my finest teas. You're my savior now, so I won't just give you the dregs."

The next day was a great day for Levi Ackerman. Hange decided to help him, determined to soften the short man's heart and become a better person. Hange, however, finds it hard to sneak outside of her apartment without being suspicious.

One fine but chilly dawn, when she was about to turn in one of the corners of her block from the apartment, Erwin surprised her. The tall architect stood loomingly in the dark, making it hard for the bespectacled brunette to notice him immediately.

"Uh, Erwin?" Hange called out to make sure her vision is not betraying her.

"Hey, Hange! What are you doing outside? It's still early in the morning...", Erwin quizzed her, slightly narrowing his eyes at the brunette. She gulped nervously, an ache in her stomach threatening to render her incapable of replying.

"Oh, I know! You like morning walks, do you? I always want to take one. Would you mind if I accompany you?" Erwin smiled at her, and Hange breathed a sigh of relief, afraid that the architect would find out about her ethics lesson with Levi.

"Not at all, Erwin. But I fear I might bore you while walking. Do you still want that? I mean... uhm...", she said, running out of excuses to stall the architect. Levi might already be waiting for her at his house.

"It's really fine, Hange. Before starting this project, I watched a lot of movies to understand humans. A few romantic ones stirred my interest, and I wanna experience some of them. I've always wanted to recreate that specific scene from the 2005 version of The Pride and Prejudice. The one where Mr. Darcy slowly walks towards Miss Elizabeth." Erwin gushed in front of Hange, then continued. "This chilly and foggy morning is perfect for that!"

She nodded her head at that, aware that the short man was still waiting for her to start the class.

She clutched her stomach, but faked a smile for Erwin. "Yeah. I think it would be great, haha."

While walking, Erwin pried on her relationship with Levi. "You two seem so close already. I've never met two people so compatible with each other. You two are so different compared to..." Erwin dragged his words, searching for something to tell the brunette. "Ah! When I'm educating myself to understand human relationships, I come across this movie called Mr. and Mrs. Smith. You two are very different compared to them. You seem to have no secrets between the two of you, right? Oh! I love spy movies! When John and Jane..."

Erwin's muffled voice fades away from Hange's mind. She's very late for her lesson with Levi. Knowing the short man's temper, she's definitely forked.

Chapter Text

'You don't belong here.'

A note had been sitting at his doorstep when he woke up. Levi stared at it, curious eyes searching for any hints given away by the penmanship. He immediately hid the note when he saw Hange at a distance, carrying an oversized hiking bag on her back.

"Heya, Levi!". Hange greeted him after carelessly jumping over a lump of dirt. After one month of Hange sneaking out of her apartment, the two decided to 'officially' move in together. Mornings of painstakingly stepping outside every dawn and stealthily searching if Erwin was around have tired out the brunette.

"I'm so excited! I've never had a roommate before. Why haven't we thought about living together in the first place? Gah. What are you doing out here, by the way?" the brunette quizzed him once she was at his door.

"Nothing. Hurry, come inside. Before anyone else saw you." Levi grabbed her wrist, and Hange stumbled a bit while going inside. "Okay, shorty. Calm down."

The short man looked at her gargantuan backpack. "Ymir! Did you pack your house inside that ratty arsh, gargantuan knapsack?"

"No, Levi. It's just a few clothes and loootsss of booookss!" She dragged her words at the end of her sentence. Hange dropped her heavy bag on the floor with a heavy thud and called for Nanaba. "Hey, Nanaba?"

"Hey there." The 'robot lady' greeted the two. "What can I do for you, Hange?"

"Can I have a sliding blackboard, two bags of coffee beans, and a coffee maker?" she asked Nanaba.

At Nanaba's command, a blackboard appeared in Levi's living room, and the bags of coffee and the coffee maker on Levi's kitchen counter.

"Oi, Oi! I don't like coffee. It smells good, yes. But this is a 'tea only' household."

"Yeah. The coffee is for me, shorty. If you don't like it, then more for me." Hange snickered. She has a lot of dependence on energy-inducing foods and drinks, which are proven to help her stay awake for at least 72 hours. 'I can stay late now for days without abusing my body, and without me suffering from the consequences of it, hehe.' Hange chuckled inside.

"You know what? I don't really forkin' care. As long as you're here now... So no one will notice anything suspicious about us." Levi cringed at some unintentional hints in his statements. Hange seems oblivious to it all.

"And by the way, no funny business between us two. My bedroom is off limits. You're not allowed to step your dirty arsh feet on my pristine floors, unless I asked you to do or get something for me."

Hange wiggled her eyebrows at him, and Levi clicked his tongue.

"Get your mind out of the gutter, four eyes. I'm not into that."

"I'm not saying anything, Levi. Geez, relax. You're always so serious. Where's my room, anyway?"

Levi directed her to a spacious guest room. One would think that it's a bedroom of a military kid. The organized baskets and cabinets are causing her eyes pain. Is that a label?

"I hate to clean up after your ugly clothes. Don't ever leave your soiled garments on the floor. Laundry is done every time the basket is full. Also, don't forget to take a bath, or I will personally scrub the heck out of you myself, knock you out if necessary." The ravenette tells her all of his 'instructions' like a military captain.

"Aye, sir!" Hange saluted.

"You might be my ethics teacher in this afterlife, but you don't have a free pass to withdraw any basic forms of personal hygiene. For the past weeks, I can smell your stinky arsh when I'm listening to your lecture."

"What's the point of that, Levi? We're in the Good Place. I can get Nanaba to make me a body spray that automatically gets me all cleaned up." By that, she motioned to smell her armpits. "A bit of sweat is fine, I guess? What's wrong with a little bit of flavor?"

"You're disgusting, glasses!" He said while scowling.

A sudden knock was heard from the door. The two went on to receive the visitor. The person on the other side was none other than Levi's neighbor, Yelena, and in her hands was a big variegated plant. The giant blonde invited herself in, turning to Levi once she was successfully inside his house.

"What brings you here, Yelena?" asked Levi.

"Oh, I'm just... in the neighborhood, haha. D'you get it?" The two soulmates looked to each other, having no idea what Yelena had just said. 'Act natural, four eyes. Or she would notice something.' Levi side-eyed Hange and softly pinched her back. 'I'm acting very natural, shorty." The two conversed telepathically.

The blonde cleared her throat and smiled at the two.

"I'm here to give you a simple gift. It's a housewarming plant. Variegated Philodendron. It's one of the most expensive plants on earth." She and her obsession with anything expensive. Levi silently clicked his tongue.

"We're unfortunately busy, Yelena. Have a great day!" Levi softly shoved Yelena outside, but he reached for the plant. The tall woman noticed Hange's bag and thought to herself. Fortunately, she thinks it's their 'soulmate' thing.

"Oh, you two are gonna live together now?"  She asked the two innocently

"Yes. Sorry, we won't be able to stay for a longer chat 'cause four eyes here are sleepy. Right, Hange?" Levi raised his eyebrows to her, hoping she took the hint.

"Of course. And Levi would sleep with me, so I need him... Yelena, haha. And we're gonna sleep... together... in his bedroom. Totally not weird." Hange fidgets. 'That's not what you think it means, glasses,' Levi facepalmed inside.

"Oh, you don't need to explain, Hange. I'm not gonna stay here for long. I don't wanna ruin your two's "bonding time"." Yelena airquoted her last words. Levi rolled his eyes at the implication.

"Okay, Yelena. Thank you for the gift."

"Alright, bye now! You two stay safe and have fun!" The blonde winked at the two.

Levi closed his door and turned to Hange. "Eugh. What a pervert. I hate her guts. 'Oh, Levi, this is a little something I put in a dirty bowl because I'm amazing!' She's such a brownnoser, gleugh."

"I think it's a nice gesture, and she seems so sweet. Try to be less hostile in your judgment of her. That's one of the things that you should change about yourself." Hange placated her irritated companion.

"That's what Yelena wants you to think, four-eyes. In reality, she is a big people-pleasing, phony bench. Wake up!" At his words, the plant on his table whimpered, and some of the leaves wilted, their patches of white and yellow turning gray.

"Yeah, plant. Are you hurt? The one who gave you to me deserves it." Levi carelessly slams the plant down on his table.

On the other side of the living room, Hange whipped out a book called 'Practical Ethics' by an author named Peter Singer. "Levi, our first lesson for today. Read this." She hands it to him, and Levi stares at it for a few seconds.

"Try to befriend your neighbor, and reciprocate her gesture. That's one of the things good people actually do." The brunette patted his shoulders.

"And in the meantime, I'm gonna get myself some frozen yogurt in town. Read that, Levi. Don't forget to write an essay while you're at it. 1000 words minimum." Hange chuckled softly as she hummed and went to the door.

What have I gotten myself into, Levi said to himself.

Hange was alone in 'Olou's Amazing FroYo!!' when Erwin approached her. "Good day, Hange. What're you doing out here?"

"Oh, I'm just relaxing. It's a good day, isn't it?" Hange put a spoonful of the frozen delight into her mouth.

Erwin looked at Nanaba. Suddenly, the man sits in front of the brunette. "That's great, Hange. Can we join you?"

"Of course. Please sit down." She looked at the two and offered them her biggest smile.

"So, I was looking into your files and noticed something peculiar." Hange's eye momentarily got bigger like a saucer. "Uhm, what is it, Erwin? You're scaring me."

"Haha, don't be. As I was saying, I noticed that you only did one specific thing in the final years of your lifetime."

"Oh, that one! Yes. I spent my entire 6 years writing my 3139-page thesis manuscript titled, "Who We Are and What We Are Not: Practical Ethics in the Modern World; A treatise on the real-life application of moral system to--"

Erwin interrupted Hange before she even finished her 82-word manuscript title and subtitle. "Yep. Yep. Right there. That one."

"So how was it, Erwin?" Hange queried curiously.

"Uhm. How do I say it, Hange... I can't find a word to describe it." Erwin was searching for the right words.

"Yes, of course, that's it. Uhm. Hange, I read the entirety of your manuscript, and I can describe it in one word: discombobulating." Erwin searched her face for any hints of offense, but what he found there was sudden despondency.

"Oh. I'm sorry, Erwin. What sections are confusing? I can--" Hange sadly replied.

"There's nothing wrong with it, per se, but... I gotta tell you this. I can read a thousand pages of a book, front to back, in under an hour. But when I tried to read your work, I estimated it would take me about two and a half weeks. I mean, you can only say one thing at once, but you are always circling back to these complicated questions. One line from page 1390, you started section 2 with 'Of course, the exact opposite may be true,' I don't know, Hange. It's so convoluted." Erwin looked at her with a caring expression.

"You're a brilliant woman, Hange. But you keep on rewriting and revising, and adding words to your title. I think you just twisted yourself up into a knot. Try shortening it. Keep your ideas clear and concise."

Hange, not used to any straight-to-the-point criticisms during life in the living world, now looks pale after hearing the architect's honest words. "Oh, no, Erwin. I think I'm having a terrible stomachache."

The architect put his index finger on his lips and worriedly gazed at her messy and disheveled form.

*****

[Earth, Slava, Continent of Mid-East Alliances]

A repetitive knock was heard from the mahogany doors of the faculty wing in the National University of Slava. A worried Hange was clutching her heavy, very thick manuscript. "Professor Klaus? Are you in there?" she said as she knocked at her colleague's office door.

"Professor? It's Dr. Hange Zoe. You told me you're just going to puff on your pipe for a moment, then review my manuscript? Hello, Professor?" she knocked on the door again, desperation evident in her voice.

A while ago, she consulted the professor regarding her thesis paper. She was in the middle of revising any possible errors, which she was sure was not the case, since she had been working on that for years. When her colleague received her inside his office, she saw his redhead assistant, Nifa, beside him. They are checking other theses from the doctoral students of the prestigious university. "What is it, Dr. Hange Zoe?" he said, then his eyes widened like saucers when he saw what Hange was holding. "Uhm, professor. Are you sure you want to seek my advice?"

"Yes, of course, doctor. I read your paper on Immanuel Kant, and I must say it's perfect. I need a mind like yours to peer-review my thesis before publishing it. What say you, Professor Klaus?"

"And that's what you want me to review, finally??" he said, pointing at the heavy manuscript, with noticeable irritation on his face.

"Yes, doctor. Here's a coffee for you. It's strong, with 5 shots of espresso, so you won't get drowsy in the middle of checking it." The brunette smiled at her co-worker, unaware of what had been going on inside his mind.

Professor Klaus heaved a sigh in frustration. The brunette has been seeking his advice on her manuscript yearly. For the past six years, he has witnessed the paper getting thicker and thicker. "Doctor, please. I have a family I'd like to eat dinner with. It would take me days to read that paper of yours. Also, my daughter has a recital at her school. I don't wanna miss it again just because I'm here at my office for a long time. Remember two years ago when I extended my knowledge to review the then 2000-page manuscript you had? I missed the birth of my son." His mouth slightly twitched when he stared at the brunette.

"Please, doctor. I have to publish it by the first quarter of next year. No one has been looking at it when I go to the other offices. You're the only professional I know who would review it because of your fondness for knowledge. I would credit you in the acknowledgement, or even better, I would put you as a co-author!" The professor stared at her in horror. When a beat of silence had passed, he put his hands on the table.

"Hange, I'm speaking as a friend here. Your manuscript is too complicated. Some ideas are redundant..." he paused, then continued. " It's a hotchpotch of insane complexities, an entangled web of inscrutability."

"That's what makes it exciting, Klaus! I'm in the crux of answering every question in the universe. I promise you, professor, this is worth missing some events in your life. For the sake of humanity!" She stood up dramatically in her seat, raising her fists in the air. Her peer breathed heavily in defeat, then his eyes perked up. "Excuse me, Hange. I'm just gonna smoke outside", and left the brunette professor inside his office with his assistant.

"Hi Nifa!" She waved at the redhead.

And that was the last time she saw Professor Klaus. That was hours ago. When she was about to step back from the entrance, Nifa opened the door of the office. Hange took a peek inside, but found it almost empty.

"I'm sorry, Doctor Zoe. Professor Klaus immediately resigned from his tenured position just a while ago. He told his reasons to the president, saying it's because he will spend time with his family and settle down peacefully on the other side of the continent." Nifa informed her, tone laced with sadness.

Hange was shocked at the latest and abrupt developments. Her thesis slightly slipped from her clutches, and the redhead assistant helped her secure it in her arms.

"Thank you, Nifa," she said and proceeded to go back to her office.

'I need chocolates and almond milk,' she thought as she took a sip of her espresso.

At Levi's house, he's writing his reflective essay on Hange's given 'homework'. Stupid shirty glasses. Who the fork can write so many words?

His door opened, and a pale Hange came through.

"What happened to you? You look... sick? The frozen yogurt in town gave you salmonella?" Levi said confidently.

Hange, nonplussed about what Levi said, replied, "You can't get salmonella in pasteurized milk."

"Whatever. So what got your panties twisted?" He asked the brunette again.

"Oh, it's nothing. Just finish what you're working on." Levi, being used to a sunny and chirpy Hange, noticed her upset about something. However, still annoyed at her from earlier, he decided not to probe further.

Hange sat beside him, staring into space. But Levi, searching for any excuse not to write the 'long arsh paper', got an idea. "Here's a brainstorm, glasses. Why don't I pay a visit to that blondie next door?" He convincingly told the brunette.

"What for?" Hange asked without paying attention to any of it, still distracted by what had happened earlier.

"You told me I should... In the morning. Remember?" Levi raised his eyebrows.

"Ah, right. Go ahead." Levi bolted out of his door, leaving a completely deflated Hange.

Right outside, Levi speedily walked across the lawn to Yelena's mansion. He kicked some of her tulips when he reached the patio. A sudden idea came to his head. "Nanaba?" He called them.

"Hey there!" At their instant appearance behind him, Levi turned to them. "What do you think is a better gift than an expensive housewarming plant?" He asked them.

"According to surveys back on earth, value isn't important as long as the present came from the heart. Respondents voted for thoughtful gifts like fruits and flowers." 'It's not like I want to give that blonde giant flowers, pfft. The only flower she deserves is a rafflesia.' Levi chuckled to himself.

"That's it, Nanaba! May I have a small bucket of purple starberries? You know, the red ones, but they called it purple?" He requested, finding the naming of the fruit ridiculous.

"Here ya go!" They gave the short man his request. Nanaba disappeared at once after Levi muttered his thanks.

Levi announced himself by the door. He invited himself into a receiving area, fortunately finding Yelena sitting on a princess couch and the silent monk in the corner meditating.

He knocked politely on the door, and the blonde woman whipped her head to face the visitor.

"Levi! What brings you here?" Yelena asked cheerfully, albeit a bit surprised. "Hey, Mikhail. It's Levi, our neighbor." The monk nodded in his direction, while Yelena received him by the door.

"I just wanna give you this thoughtful gift that I brought. It's a bucket of purple starberries. You can eat it! It's more useful than an aesthetically pleasing plant for houses. Who's to say?" He extended his hand towards the woman.

Yelena got it from his hands and replied, "Levi, this is thoughtful of you. However, I'm afraid we simply can't have this around. You see, red fruits in Wallist culture are a symbol of bad luck. They represent the bloodshed in the Battle of Heaven and Earth that sets upon the kingdom of the Walls. I don't want to offend Mikhail, so I have to throw this in the garbage."  The blonde woman threw his gift in the nearest trash bin, and Levi stared at her offensively.

"You may come in, though. We have tea!" Yelena invited him to the nearest golden chair.

Levi settled himself on the chair while the blonde woman poured him tea. "I thought you were gonna be with Hange and sleep out till the afternoon. I have a stash of ginseng around. Do you want it? It boosts your endurance in bed so you could keep on till--"

"I refuse. But thank you. I don't need it." Levi interrupted her before she could finish her sentence, a flush of red creeping up his cheeks.

"Okay, that's good to hear. But if you change your mind, just tell me. So you could drink it with your girlfriend." Yelena flashed him a smile.

'If I want it, I would just request some from Nanaba, idiot.' He shook his head at that thought.

"I must say, we didn't have a chance to talk about the neighborhood's mayhem a month ago. It's so disconcerting." The tall woman said while she lay her long legs on her couch, dramatically doing a 'woe is me' pose.

"Yep. Hange and I decided to live together because of that. If anything like that happens again, I would like to keep her safe in my place." Levi bluffed half-heartedly because some of it is true. He's keeping Hange safe from the tight clutches of the architect. Ever since Erwin saw Hange in the morning, he kept insisting on taking morning walks that continued until 'brunch time', telling Hange his intricate and very detailed movie reviews. The activity eating chunks of their time meant for their ethics lessons.

"You're so sweet. I can see Hange is well taken care of. I wish for the same thing as you two." Yelena and Levi took a sip simultaneously from their teacup when an uncomfortable silence fell in the atmosphere.

"I've been chatting with some of the couples in the neighborhood. They share the same sentiments as you. They're also anxious about what's happening and what causes it." Yelena glanced at her soulmate, who was still silently meditating in the corner.

"So I'm planning on baking muffins to distribute to the residents in the neighborhood. You know, to lift their spirits. It's one thing that makes me feel like I 'truly belong here', you know." The blonde woman continued. At her last sentence, Levi's eyes suddenly grew bigger, suspicion etched on his face.

"Here's a thought, Yelena. Why don't I go with you? Also, in that way, we can get to know each other better."

"That's a great idea, Levi. Hurrah!" The blonde woman cheered on.

A chime of the grandfather clock broke their conversation up. "I apologize, Levi. I wanna stay longer here to witter with you, but I have to take my 21-step Hizuran skincare regimen." Levi stood up a little, but Yelena stopped him. "Oh, no, no. You can stay here for a bit, I don't mind. Now, if you'll excuse me." Levi politely received the invitation and muttered his thanks.

When Yelena and, surprisingly, Mikhail, were out of the room, Levi went to the blonde woman's table. He rummaged through her drawers, searching for a specific thing that was his priority to find out that day. At the last layer, he saw a diary— Yelena's diary. He snuck it inside his shirt and went outside. He didn't realize it was already near nightfall. Under the dusk sky, he briskly walked back to his place.

Inside his house, he found Hange in new clothes. He abruptly stopped in his tracks when he realized Hange was wearing her thin pajamas, beads of water clinging to her skin and hair. 'So she took a bath,' Levi thought, amused. "Hey, four eyes. I'm glad I didn't need to tell you to bathe."

"I don't want you to knock me out and see my hot body, shorty."

"Tch. As if I'd want to." Levi glanced at Hange, her long legs being emphasized by her thin layer of clothes.

When he turned around towards his kitchen, Hange noticed a lump behind his shirt.

"What was that?" She approached the short man, attempting to see it for herself.

"Oh, nothing." He clutched the hidden diary in his back.

"Levi..." Hange said with a warning.

"Fine." Levi yielded and brought out the notebook.

"Levi! I told you not to steal again." She reprimanded him, disappointment evident in her eyes.

"I didn't steal it, four eyes. I'm investigating something. And I'm gonna return it, eventually." Levi defended himself.

"That's worse. It's Yelena's property. What are you investigating? You shouldn't doubt a friend. She's just being kind." The brunette said to him innocently.

"It's... Before you came in here this morning, I saw a note in front of my door." He proceeded to show her the paper.

"And what, pray tell, is its connection to you stealing Yelena's diary?"

"Look. I'm gonna try to compare her penmanship to this note to see if she sent me this." He said, pointing to the paper in his hands. "When I was in her house, she suspiciously said that doing things in the neighborhood makes her feel like she 'truly belongs here'." Hange stared at him, and he continued. "Where did I see those words? Boom!" He dramatically pointed at the note.

"I don't know, Levi. That doesn't guarantee she wrote that note. Maybe her saying it is a mere coincidence. Yelena... Well, she might be a little condescending at times, but it's just her personality. And she's not the type of person to write something as cryptic as that." Hange gestured to get the notebook from him, and Levi turned it away from her. "No. Let me take at least a peek. I also want to know her deepest and darkest secrets. She looks like she's hiding something."

"Now, who's talking? You're the one who was hiding something. Levi, I thought you would get it now, but no. That note is not from Yelena. It's the Good Place manifesting your own guilt." She continued to berate him.

"What d'you mean by that is... I wrote myself the note?" Levi pointed at himself, his tone rising inquisitively.

"No, what?!" She gawked at him in disbelief.

"So that means, I wrote myself the note. And in turn means I do belong here, because I'm as good as everyone else." Levi's soft tone emerged as he (wrongfully) had his realizations.

"I do not know where you get that conclusion from. You don't belong here. That's why we're doing these lessons, remember? You have to return that notebook to Yelena's mansion, right now." Hange punctuated every word and pointed in the direction of the tall woman's mansion.

"You know what, Hange? Yelena's playing you all like a fiddle. She wants to please everybody. Yelena this, Yelena that. What did that blonde do that makes y'all smitten? Ohh, maybe she laced those teas at the tea party with a love potion 'cause she's a forkin' witch!" At the end of Levi's outburst, the housewarming plant erupted into flames. The two looked at it with a surprised reaction.

"Look at what you did, Levi! That plant is the symbol of your bond with her. Now, because of you, it has turned into ashes." She said with a disappointed tone, her stare unwavering at the pot and the visibly gray remains of the plant.

"Fine! I will return it now so you will finally shut your big arsh mouth." He said irritably, but his tone was laced with a bit of regret.

He covertly went to the mansion, hoping no one would see him. When he returned the diary from where he got it, Levi heard a crying sound. Out of curiosity, he entered other rooms unannounced. He found out the sound was coming from the adjacent room where another princess's couch was situated. At the center of it lies Yelena's long limbs, but in a foetal position. The blonde was visibly upset, and her eyes were red and wet with tears.

Levi softly knocked, and the blonde woman inside hastily wiped her tears when she saw him.

Yelena faked a smile and said, "Levi, what are you doing here? It's late, haha."

"I just--" I can't say that I stole her diary and put it back. Levi stopped himself before he said anything. "I just want to ask for that ginseng you told me about earlier. Hange and I want to try it." He said, facepalming himself at the pathetic excuse.

"No problem at all! I'm gonna get it. Wait out here. Have a seat." Yelena disappeared into the nearest adjoining cellar. She came back with not just a small, but two big red sandalwood boxes. "Take it, Levi! It was harvested from the deepest and most elusive part of the mountains in Hizuru, making it one of the most expensive root products in the world. Enjoy it with Hange." She said, wiping her remaining tears elegantly.

"Why are you crying, Yelena? Wanna talk about it?" He said awkwardly, not used to comforting other people.

"Oh, I desperately want to, Levi. You don't have any idea." The blonde chirped while emotional tears came out of her eyes.

"So, what is it that upsets you, may I ask?"

"It's Mikhail. It's been a month since we got here, and he's still not talking to me... And I adore talking." She blew her nose through her handkerchief, and Levi sat beside her.

"He's not always around, as if he were purposely avoiding me. It's making me sad. I feel like I'm alone here in paradise. I have no one to talk to, that's why I always go to you and Hange." The tall woman continued. "I wish Mikhail and I had the same bond as you two. You seem so perfect together. Ours is buggered."

'Oof. That's funny, blondie' He thought. "Hange and I fight... sometimes. We're not perfect people. I like it clean, she likes it messy and wild." Yelena stared at him with a straight face, and Levi felt a feverish blush creeping up his face.

"I don't mean... that. I'm talking about hygiene. The point is, you have to work for it; your relationship with him. It takes time since you are two different people with nuanced personalities. It just happens that four eyes and mine's relationship is different than yours, but it doesn't mean yours are... broken." Levi said, surprised by his words of wisdom. 'Wow, I'm good at this.' He thought, pleased with himself.

"Not to mention, you are a kind person, Yelena. So this," He gestured around and continued, "slight rift between you two will pass. You both are good people. And you two belong here in the Good Place, together."

"That's so profound, Levi. Thank you for your kind words. Hange is so lucky to have an understanding partner, and I, a kind friend." At that, the tall woman incorporated the short man in a huge hug.

Levi, not used to intimacy, awkwardly pats Yelena's back to comfort her with a scowl on his face.

When the sad ambience lightened, Yelena let go of the hug, and Levi breathed a sigh of relief. The tightness of her limbs when embracing him suddenly blocked his windpipes. "Thank you for this talk, Levi. I really, really needed it." She smiled at him, and Levi felt a bit shy.

"I think it's time for me to retire for the night. You should go back to Hange. She might be waiting for you. Good night, Levi. And thanks again."

Levi watched Yelena's retreating form as he stood up to the blonde's fancy door. During his walk towards his house, he spotted Erwin's tall figure at a distance and ran for his door, inconspicuously.

By the time he was inside, he saw Hange again. But now, reading a book in her hands. 'What We Owe to Each Other' by T.M Scallions, he read briefly. However, Levi noticed a bit of a frown in her usually bright face.

Hange noticed him and said, "You're back, shorty.", with an awkward expression. The heavy atmosphere around them rendered the two speechless. She's the first one to break the unease between them and mutters her apology. "I'm sorry, Levi. I shouldn't have blatantly reprimanded you earlier. It's just that I was upset about something earlier. D'you have any space in your heart to forgive me?" Hange said with pleading eyes. Levi thought she looked like a pure and innocent red panda asking for his forgiveness.

"I should be the one to apologize. What I did was wrong, and you're right. You're always right, Hange." He gave her one of his rarest smiles. "Now, what got your knickers twisted earlier?"

"Damn, shorty. You're obsessed with my undergarments now? You could tell me easily, and I would give one to you as a lucky charm. You want it lacy or plain?" Levi rolled his eyes, but deep inside, he was grateful that she was back to her chirpy attitude.

"Lacy. Harhar, horny glasses. I'm a thief back on earth. I would just steal one from your laundry basket if I want one." The two chuckled. Hange proceeded to sit beside him and replied to his previous question, a hint of sadness in her tone. "When I stumbled upon Erwin in town this morning, he told me that one of my life's works is a mess and is 3139 pages of garbage."

"Rude. Even for him, who's supposed to be the Good Place architect. But yeah, rude." He placated the upset brunette.

"No, he's not, Levi. In academia, people are used to criticism to improve their work. It's entirely my issue, not his. You see, back on earth, I am an overachieving kid. People bow down to me because of my intelligence and achievements. I was praised by my peers for being a 'dexterous executor'. That's why at a young age I already had two doctorates." The brunette recounted her past.

"Okay, bragging much, glasses?" he replied.

"Ha, no. The point is, this is the first time I received direct criticism from someone. And especially, from someone like Erwin, who literally knows everything. And the fact that even for him, my work is convoluted," she said dejectedly.

"Erwin doesn't know everything, shirty glasses. I already told you. Don't look up to him that much. Besides, he doesn't know I'm not supposed to be here, and he also doesn't know you're one heck of a terrific ethics teacher. I'm super ethical now," he took her hand and massaged it, unaware of the romantic atmosphere engulfing the two of them.  

"You wrote a three-thousand-page thesis about the most complicated and hardest subject in the world, and are teaching biology at the university at the same time. If I were you, I would lose my mind and punch people's faces unprovoked out of spite and burnout." Hange laughed at his words. He patted her shoulders and said, "Be proud of yourself, Hange."

After that, Levi yawned. "I'm pretty sleepy because of too much talking. Good night, Hange."

"Good night, Levi."

When Levi retreated to his room, Hange saw two expensive wooden boxes at the counter. She opened it to see two roots of ginseng at their center. 'Who's the horny one now, midget?' She thought and chuckled to herself.  

The night went on, and silence settled in the neighborhood. In the morning, when Levi was about to step down at the ledge, he was surprised by a smiling and visually pleased Hange. He nearly fell off the edge. "Stupid ledge. Why are there no stairs here?". Hange's smile leapt something unfamiliar inside him, and his heart flutters.

"Why the fork are you smiling, weirdo? First time seeing a handsome face like mine in the morning?" But Hange ran into him to hug his small form, his heart now thumping from their closeness. He could smell her dewy scent and feel her surprisingly soft skin. His face was red with embarrassment. He immediately masked his flushed cheeks when Hange took a look at him.

"People here are darn sure into hugging. Why are you looking at me like that, four eyes?" She pointed to the plant in the corner, and he saw a thriving, much bigger, variegated plant.

"Looks like someone learned something. I'm proud of you, Shorty." She playfully squeezed his biceps as an assurance.

"Well, it's 'cause someone is a really good teacher." He looked softly at her.

A beat of easy silence fell into them. Levi broke it by asking the brunette. "Why are you dressed like that? You goin' outside?"

"Yes. We would proceed to our lesson later. I have to go to Erwin's office. You made me realize something with our last night's talk." Her eyes are sparkling, and Levi avoided them by rolling her eyes. "Yeah. Whatever, poopy glasses."

Hange laughs. "That's a new endearment, Levi. You're adorable sometimes." She patted his shoulders, and an electric shock went through his body.

"Bye for now!" The oblivious brunette left the blushing man alone.

After her conversation with her soulmate, she felt positively renewed. Hange went to Erwin's office to talk about her thesis. She knocked on his door and, fortunately, found the architect sitting with a guitar in his hands. He turned his body towards the brown-haired woman who was clutching a thick layer of what appeared to be her thesis manuscript.

"Oh, Hange. To what pleasure do I owe having you here?"

"Good morning, Erwin. Nice guitar you got there."

"Thanks. I'm learning how to play it since watching the movie 'God Help The Girl'. You know, the one where the protagonist attempts to break into the music industry while dealing with emotional and mental health problems? I like to embody her spirit. Listen to this--" the architect strummed his guitar of what seems to be a failed 'E-chord'. "What, I can't get it right. Anyway," he said as he kept his guitar aside to give his full attention to the brunette standing by the door. "Sit down, Hange."

She uttered her thanks to the man as she sat in front of him. She started by saying, "I gave it a thought last night, Erwin. I wanna start anew..." Hange trailed her words. The architect put his index finger on his chin. "Whatever are you talking about?"

"I want to start trying to rewrite my thesis manuscript, Erwin. Even though I must have lost myself in the weeds, I loved writing this book, but I also wanna broaden my horizons and try new things. And possibly try it again this time by starting with these pages, and shortening some of it. Clear and concise, as you've told me."

Erwin perked up in his seat. "That's great, Hange!" He clapped his hands in front of the brunette. She smiled at his delight and continued, "So, will you be my advisor, Erwin?"

The blonde architect gaped at her in shock and, at the same time, pride. "Oh, Hange. It's an honor. Of course, I would! I'm so glad." He beamed at her, then Hange reached for her thesis. She felt the pages for one last time and looked at Erwin knowingly.

"Go on ahead, Hange. Throw that monstrosity in the garbage." He said, and the two smiled at each other. She reached for her manuscript, but stalled a bit to save some ideas from it. "Do you think I can salvage some of the sections?" She asked him.

Erwin replied to her with a straight face. "Hange, throw that thing away. When I read that, I discovered headaches, and I'm not even capable of understanding headaches before."

"Yes. Of course, of course." She said and threw all of the pages in the garbage. "It's done!" She delightedly announced to the architect.

"How d'you feel, Hange?" He queried the brunette.

"I didn't know I would say this, but I feel light. Thank you so much for knocking sense into me. I'm glad you read my book."

"I'm not glad reading all of that, though," Erwin said to her with a deadpan expression.

"Right. Good for me, but bad for you. Sorry about that... and the headaches!" She laughed at Erwin's statement.

"You are very welcome, Hange." He flashed her a grin, and Hange dismissed herself.

When she's about to go to the door, she almost gets hit by Yelena's towering form.

"Oh, sorry, my dear Hange. I'm here to see Erwin. Are you two done with your conversation?" The blonde woman asked her.

"Yes. I'm about to take a walk around the neighborhood to clear my mind. He's all yours." The two exchanged bright smiles. Hange closed Erwin's door with renewed vigor to start her new endeavor.

Meanwhile, on the other side, Levi, without much to do, went to town to have some frozen yogurt. He ordered a purple-starberry-flavored froyo and went to a park nearby to enjoy his newfound solitude. For the first time in weeks, he felt at ease in the neighborhood. He observed the birds flying around the area and reflected on the things that had happened to him for the past month.

A few hours had passed, and he was pulled out of his reverie. A voice called his name behind him, only to find out it was Yelena with Erwin and Nanaba following her.

"Levi! How are you doing, my sweet bestie?" The ravenette cringed at her sentence.

"Never better!" He said as he shoved a spoonful of the frozen yogurt.

"Glad to hear that. Erwin is here to talk to you, so I hope you don't mind if we take a seat beside you." The blonde woman said to him.

"I don't mind. You can sit with me. It's not like I own these benches anyway." The three laughed at his passive joke.

"You're so funny, Levi," Erwin said, while Levi's mind is filled with insults like, 'These two giant blondes are a bunch of idiots,' or 'They really don't have anything better to do than annoy me.'

"So Levi," Yelena started. "I have some good news. Erwin offered me a work position in the neighborhood. He wants me to be his assistant, but I politely declined to focus on my relationship with Mikhail. So I recommended you for the job!" She smiled at him charmingly, while Erwin clapped like a seal.

"I think it's a good idea, Levi. I told Yelena to help me investigate what's happening in the neighborhood and what causes it. When she declined, I didn't know what to do. I can't employ Nanaba since she's busy tending to the residents. You can't believe the relief I felt when she recommended you to me. I mean, there are no other people more qualified for the job than you, haha. What say you, attorney?" The architect looked at him and waited for his response. Despite their deep attention to the short man, they haven't noticed the inner turmoil he's experiencing on his face about the offer. Levi mustered up all of his will to force a sincere, but bordering on a rictus, smile. "How can I say no?", already mourning his decision.  

Erwin clapped again, while Yelena and Nanaba cheered, "Hurrah!"

"Oh! This is so fun, Levi! Group hug." The architect initiated the group huddle, while the shortest of the four drowned in the clutches of the towering giants.

When he went back to his house, with a creeping migraine in his head, he almost slipped onto his floor. He peeked under his feet and saw a note comprising a very familiar stroke of a pen.

'Meet me at the town square. We need to talk.'

"Motherforker!" he exclaimed. He paced inside, hiding the note in his pockets.

After a few minutes, Hange entered his house. She seems happy as a clam. "I've heard the news from Yelena, Levi. You got a job! Though she didn't specify what. So, when will you tell me?"

"Fork you, four eyes. This is not something to be happy about. We're not happy about it!" He scowled at her chirpiness.

"We're not? Why??" asked the brunette, confused.

"Because..." Levi took a deep breath. "Erwin is asking me to help him investigate the chaos that happened a month ago."

"Oh my god!" She gasped. Then she held her temples, and after, clutched her stomach.

"I'm forked, four eyes. No. We are forked. Erwin's gonna find out about me, then he'll find out you're helping me. Shirt! I don't want trouble, Hange. What are we gonna do?"

"I have no idea. Let's talk about this later or tomorrow. My stomach is hurting, Levi." The bespectacled woman groaned and pressed on her temples. "I need some time to think. Class is suspended this afternoon," she continued.

"You don't have to say it like that, glasses. We're not in school." Levi found the time to roll his eyes at the brunette.

When the night falls, Levi's forehead wrinkles are visible because of worry. His streak of peaceful days seemed to run its course. He's worried about two things: one is the 'Erwin' situation, the other is the mysterious note sender. The latter, he's gonna find out that night. He dressed in all black to camouflage in the darkness of the surroundings.

Levi sneaked out of his house, avoiding his inquisitive roommate.

"Relax, Levi. You wrote this note to yourself. It's the Good Place manifesting your own guilt." He said convincingly, more to himself than anyone.

When he was at the town square, he saw an approaching figure. He squinted his eyes to make out the form of the 'mysterious' person. The figure, which he sees to be tall, emerged from the shadows. He paused midway in his tracks, staring at the figure revealing itself from the dim confines of the frozen yogurt restaurant. Yelena? I'm right all along? Wait, she's much taller than this rando. His eyes grew bigger in realization. "Mikhail?!!"

The silent monk opened his mouth. "You're finally here, Levi Ackerman. I've been waiting for you." He said calmly.

Levi, in his outrage, cursed at the monk. "What the fork, man! You're the one sending me these threatening notes? And you talk now? Motherforker, some wallist monk you are!"

"You don't belong here, Levi. Admit it." The tall blonde monk said with a straight face.

Levi slumped his shoulders in defeat. "Fine, what you said is true. Erwin made a mistake. But I'm changing, man! I'm taking this lesson to become a good person. Please, don't rat me out to Erwin, or I will punch the heck out of your nose." Levi pleaded and threatened at the same time, desperation evident in his voice.

"Don't worry, I won't..." The monk trailed, as if hesitating over something. What the monk did, or said, next shocked the short man. "Because I'm not supposed to be here either. I have no idea what's going on. Help me out, homie. I'm scared!"

"What now?" He gaped at him. Levi cannot believe he's hearing the familiar vernacular used by common folks from someone who's supposed to be a paragon of solitude.

The blonde man continued in a hushed voice. "I'm saying I don't belong here. Just like you. My head is throbbing, it's like it was being filled with rocks!" The taller man pointed at his temple. "Someone is messing around, Levi. It's like we're in a zoo or a prank show."

Levi stared at him in disbelief. The monk was so far down his list of suspects. He was taken aback by the information the blonde man was saying.

"So you're a mistake, just like me??" The shorter man reiterated his question, and the 'monk' nodded his head.

"Yes! That's what I was saying, short man. And I am not a wallist monk! They entirely botched my identity. My true name is Mike Zacharias. I am a drummer and a DJ in Trost." 'Yeah, that makes sense. Trost is the earth version of hell.' Levi said to himself.

"Wait, how did you know I was a mistake? I didn't even tell anyone besides four eyes. Are you stalking us?" He interrogated 'Mike'.

"No. At Yelena's party. I accidentally heard you and your weird partner fighting. I swear, I didn't mean to." He raised his hands like he was caught at a crime scene.

"Hush! I believe you. Now, lower your voice or else someone will hear us!" They retreated closer to a parapet window to conceal themselves from prying eyes.

"Enough about me, big bear. So what about you? How did you manage to stay out of trouble? I spent hours and weeks dodging to avoid getting caught. And you don't seem like... a super genius?" He raised his eyebrows at the tall man.

"Very funny, smurf. I stayed silent the whole time." 'Mike' pondered about his endless pursuit of avoiding any conversation with anyone.

"Fork! That's my dream. I should've been in your place." The raven-head exclaimed to his giant companion. "You want Yelena to be your soulmate? She always hovers around me, man. I can't find a time to set up a meeting with you because of her. She's exhausting." Levi contemplated the man's words and nodded. "Touché." However, in the back of his mind, he thought about his deep conversation with the blonde woman, and an image of Hange appeared, reminding him not to judge his neighbor's intention.

When he was about to ask more questions, muffled voices were heard in the distance. The two conspiring men hid behind a large bush of grass. Three figures emerged from a corner. They belong to Erwin and Olou, talking animatedly about something (probably about opening another frozen yogurt place in the neighborhood), with Nanaba trailing behind them. Mike's eyes perked up at the sight of the blonde woman. But he was pulled out of his reverie by Levi, who pinched his back to get his attention. "We have to get out of here, Mike. I've been seeing Erwin everywhere. He's like a mushroom." His blonde companion snorted at the mention of 'mushrooms'.

"I know where we could go. Let me take you to my budhole."

"Your 'what' now?" Levi asked him, shocked by the giant's explicit mouth.

"Less questions, short stuff. Let's go. Before God sees us." Mike shushed him.

"Are you talking about Erwin? You're calling him God?"

"Why? Is he not? He smells like one, but his smell is strong and musky. Like those gym bros in the gym, you know. His scent is like powdered black peppers and is punching my nose." The blonde man covered his nostrils, remembering how the architect's scent offended his olfactory senses when he first met him.

"Yeah. I guess that's how beings like him should smell. Intimidating and fear-inducing."

The two stealthily walked close to the side of the buildings. Their two figures vanish into the shadows like spies.

When they got to the vicinity of Yelena's mansion, the two sneakily ran to the backyard.

"Hey, Levi. Can you climb?" Mike was about to help the short man when he assured him he could do it himself.

"Of course, I can. I'm a professional thief back on earth." He said with pride.

"Cool. 'Cause I know if we went through the entrance, Yelena would see us."

The two hopped onto the wall and held onto the pilasters and other protruding parts of the mansion. When they got to the third floor, the giant blonde motioned for the open window. They snuck inside the room, and Levi was flabbergasted by what he saw. Posters of half-naked women with microphones in their hands, and on the other side, a large tower of deck cards and a personal computer set glowing with vibrant colors of the rainbow. It's like a room of a 13-year-old boy fused with the room of a problematic 14-year-old pretending to be a young adult online gamer.

"Oohh. Budhole." He exclaimed in realization.

"Yeah. A hole where 'me and my buds' hang out."

"It's my buds and I, oaf." The short man corrected the much taller man.

"Yeah? What's the difference?" 'Damn, I'm smarter than him?' Levi thought to himself.

"So how did you sneak these odd and tawdry posters of yours here. If Yelena sees this, she would be mad." Remembering how the blonde woman feels about 'tacky' things, she'd definitely unleash her wrath on her 'soulmate'. Levi was starting to feel bad about Hange and Yelena's situation — their soulmates being frauds. He shook his head and told himself that what they're doing is for the best.

"Oh, that's not necessary. Nanaba got these for me. I like her. She's always kind and so beautiful. She gives me what I want without looking at me like I'm stupid. Is she single, or is she married to Erwin?" Levi softly slapped his giant hands.

"No, dude. You can't hit on Nanaba. For one, she's not a human. And two, you have to pretend you're Yelena's soulmate or else we'd be forked!"

"Ah. That's a bummer." Then he pulled out a packaged ring pop.

Levi proceeded to sit on a giant bean bag. He turned to his 'buddy' to ask, "If you're a mistake here just like me, I assume you're not the very... best on earth??"

"I don't really know, man." He said, now munching on a fruit roll-up.

"What did you do for a living back there? Disc jockeying and being a drummer cannot pay the rent. I'm stealing from rich buttheads every week, and it's not enough to get us by."

" I wasn't just a DJ and a drummer, Levi. I was a 'drug-dealing' DJ and a drummer specializing in psychedelic mushrooms and angel dust, the thing that smells like industrial cleaners!!"

"That's the dream scent!" Levi said, amused.

"Yeah, you say that. But it will make you smell bad if you take a hit, short stuff."

After a moment of contemplation, Levi said, "I can't believe I'm saying this, but d'you wanna team up with me? I mean, having only my 'soulmate' and good people around can be draining at times. What do you say, Mike?" He extended his hands toward the blonde man.

"Yep, man. I'm in!" Without second thoughts, the blonde man shakes his hands. That night was officially the start of their collaboration.

"Cool! Well, at least I can hang out here sometimes. Finally! A place where I can be myself. I have to go now, though. Hange's waiting for me, and I have to go to class tomorrow. Eugh!" He groaned at the thought of sitting on his butt for grueling hours until the afternoon.

"Why, man? It's still early in the night, like it's just 10 pm or something... Ohhh, are you two gonna bang? Dats wassup!" Mike put his thumbs up, approvingly nodding his head at the short man.

"No, pervert Goliath. I told you before that I'm going to ethics classes, right? She's the one teaching me."

Mike wiggled his eyebrows. "Like a teacher-student relationship, then. I'm not familiar with your game, short man!"

Levi's face contorted in disgust. "You're full of shirt, Mike, and that's gross. You.." He gave up explaining. It's no use clarifying himself to the weirdos around the neighborhood. But at the same time, he feels at peace knowing someone is a dirtbag like him in this paradise. Misery really does love some company.

The short man saw his tall buddy contemplating something. He's staring into space all of a sudden. He snapped his fingers in front of the man. "Hey! Are you high? I'm still here."

"Yeah. I thought you were gonna go back to your place to bang?" He said to the ravenhead.

"Can you please stop saying we're banging. Our relationship isn't even like that. I already feel bad for four eyes, because of this." He gestured his fingers around and stood up to go to the DJ's windows.

"Keep your windows open so I can hang out here when I want to be myself in the meantime." Mike sighed at that, reminiscence evident on his face. "Hmmm. I also wanna show the true 'me' here in paradise. 'Myself' was the best."

*****

[Mike's home city on Earth: Trost, Rosenheim]

Cigarette smoke filled the chilly air. The streets were deserted at night, but the establishments for people to have fun were crawling with clubgoers. Mike looks out for a group of eight young adults while clutching a box of foodware in front of him. He saw them getting out of a black minivan.

The youngsters, who call themselves the 104th Squad, walked towards him. The hooded figures revealed themselves.

"Are you Mike Zacharias?" asked the brunette boy with sad emerald eyes.

"Oh my! Eren Jäger? I'm a fan of yours! I always play your songs during my DJ sessions. Can I take a picture with you, man?" He told his wary 'client'.

"Uhm... I'm sorry, I can't. I still have a public image to keep, or at least what's left of it. The edibles are not just for me anyway." His eyes wandered to his side, where his shivering companions were standing. A raven-headed girl tapped Eren's shoulder, and he gave way for her and a blonde boy. "Step aside, Eren. You should hide your face," the girl said to him. She then faced Mike to extend her hand. "Is that the package? Here's the payment." She said to Mike.

"Mikasa, what if we get in trouble? Eren was already in hot water with the public eye. We can't add more problems. He's already depressed for what it is." The blonde boy stopped her.

"Armin, you can't fix what's already broken. Eren is already 'cancelled' by everyone. We can't change that. We can have fun, at least."

The tense atmosphere engulfed the group. A boy with light ash-brown hair and horse-like features interrupted Armin and Mikasa's conversation. "Hey. Let's just get this over with. Eren here already wants to retreat to his cocoon. Don't argue in front of him, or else we're gonna find it hard to invite him to go outside."

"Don't worry, kiddos. These brownies are the rage for kids your age. Plus, they're weaker when compared to other... drugs." Mike assured the group.

Mikasa paid for the package in cash. She snatched it from the clutches of the older man. "We're not kids! We're already 23! Tch." She clicked her tongue at him.

"I'm not gonna rat you guys to the cops, and Eren, of course. My lip is shut." Mike gestured towards his mouth as if he were zipping it.

"Yeah, you don't. Or else you're a dead man!" She threatened.

"That's enough, Mikasa. Let's go. There's a group approaching behind us." A bald kid called behind them.

They retreated from Mike's spot and ran away to a black minivan, eight figures warily looking from left to right.

The giant man gushed inside. He met one of his music idols. "Too bad I can't take a picture with him."

The young musician is a vocalist for one of the most famous bands in the world. Unfortunately, a series of problematic posts and statements he had made when he was a teen were uncovered by a group of antifans. These events in turn destroyed the career of the boy, the scandal breaking up the band, 'The Jägerists'. Still, some of the remaining fans defended him and called him their hero for just being himself. His past posts are being used by the fans as an instrument to bully everyone and restore the image of the once-famous musician.

Mike looked at his hands, full of cash. He found out that the girl had paid him too much money, but the van wasn't around anymore.

"Cool! I'm gonna buy myself more Mary Janes and a new drum set." He said, still pleased with the happenings of the past hour.

Suddenly, a man emerged behind him. "Hey, M! Are you done already? Did the clients get the edibles?"

"Yeah, MJ. They even paid me double the price!" He showed his hands full of cash.

"That's great, M. Don't forget the meetup with the clients at the Let's Go to Club show, where you will finally play the drums with a band in exchange for mushrooms!! Good luck with that, bud! You always dreamt of doing that." Mike's friend said to him in excitement.

"Thank you, MJ." He replied to his friend with a smile.

*****

"I miss playing my drums." He said with a sigh. Levi wasn't around anymore. Mike peeked outside the window and saw the small man going down the walls of the mansion like an acrobat.

'Darn. Dats wassup!" He said, amazed by the skills of the Shorty.