Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Everybody makes mistakes, and nobody’s perfect.” Those words had been repeated to Caine time and time again, yet it seems that they were quick to be forgotten if it weren’t for Kinger and Queenie frequently reminding him of that lesson. It was especially at this time in his life, a ‘milestone’ as Mama and Papa called it, that he needed to keep that lesson in mind. Boy, would he need it.

Days like these usually go as normal, Caine would wake up in his little racecar bed and rush to Kinger and Queenie’s bed to wake them up. It seems that humans always needed help waking up in the morning, even though they seemed to have no trouble going to bed. It was no trouble, though. Queenie sleeping in Kinger’s room every night meant he could wake them both up at once. Yay! Productivity! Caine snapped his fingers to transform into his daytime suit and clumsily climbed onto Mama and Papa’s bed. 

“Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!” Caine said as he jostled both of the chess pieces awake. They always took so long to get up. “Good morning, little ringmaster.” Kinger yawned as he gave Caine a little pat on the head. Queenie was the next to wake up, and she was sure to give Caine plenty of morning kisses and cuddles as usual. The two have been raising Caine as their little bot for years, all the way from his spawning into the Amazing Digital Circus as a tiny low-poly baby to his curious toddler days. In between days of alpha testing, data training, and teaching him to talk, It had become harder and harder to treat him like a machine learning experiment. It was no surprise that somewhere along the way he had stopped being an artificial intelligence unit and started becoming their son. Their new relationship is exactly what led to moments like these, when Caine just couldn’t wait to start the day with his digital family.

Kinger fixed Caine’s hat on top of his head. “Are you ready to tackle the day, Little guy?” Caine took a split second to contemplate the question, before responding with a definite “Yes!!” He got a bunch of tickles from Papa before ascending from the bed and flying to the ground. Queenie did a couple of stretches, though not having any arms or legs, old habits die hard. Caine practically vibrated at the bedroom door waiting for his parents to catch up. What was taking them so long?

"Alright, buddy. You can go to the lobby now.” Caine didn’t hesitate for a moment and dashed out the door and flew through the hallway. Kinger took a deep breath while adjusting the collar of his robe. Sure, Caine could be a little impatient ball of energy at times… or all the time, but he was their impatient ball of energy.

With all the Circus members already in the lobby, Caine was quick to start things off with his usual greeting. “Good morning, everyone! We have a fun adventure planned for today!” Kinger finally caught up with him with some feedback. “Are there any other adjectives that can describe today’s adventure?” Caine took a pause to think of the right words. “It’s… engaging! And puzzling! And Collaborative!”  “Wow, that’s a big word you used there!” Moppsy cheered. It seemed that every little victory Caine had was met with tons of encouragement from Moppsy. She was always one to favor Caine in every circumstance. Of course, her love for him was somewhat reciprocated. He loved the plushy sock toy bunny avatar she had taken on when she entered the circus. Sure, it was more stout compared to most of Kinger’s other Character designs, but It was the perfect height to hug her favorite little ringmaster. Even after he spawned, she was the first one to enter his view when he was introduced to the circus cast, and had been cheering him on with every new thing he learned through his data training.

“Today we have a super duper duck-mazing team adventure today! I’ve scattered rubber duckies wearing various costumes - some rarer than others - all around the circus! It’s your job to get into teams and collect the most and rarest ducks with your teammates!” Caine Explained. “Now find your teammates and get ducky hunting!”

Dobby didn’t even hesitate to yank up Chia by her foot and drag her away. Moppsy had the slightest urge to help her, but she knew her self-defense abilities stopped at slapping Dobby with her ears. She reluctantly turned to Wriggle, who was luckily without a partner. 

“Aaaaaaarree you- d- do you…  We- I think we’d work- We can do it together, right?” Great, Wriggle was never going to team up with her with that level of confidence. Yet against all odds, she got her wish. “Yeah, sure. I think we’d work.” Perfect. A motivator like her working with the most intellectual, scholarly, thoughtful string worm in the circus. Wriggle was more than studious, he actually had a future in psychology before needing to drop out because of depression. Of course, that didn’t make him any less smart or any less of an amazing worm.

The last two to be paired up were Blonk and Yucko. Their chances of winning were dwindling by the second though, considering Dobby already had an unfair start with chia. Of course, Kinger and Queenie were in their own team, with Caine tagging along to give them little hints. It seemed that they would always need hints to figure things out, even when the answer was right in front of them! They were always being silly like that. It was alright, though. Caine enjoyed helping them figure out the puzzles he had for them, and sometimes their wrong answers even made him laugh. Those were good memories. 

Deep into the block tower, Kinger pushed aside the giant blocks to find a couple rare duckies hiding. “Look at this one!” he said as he picked up one wearing a tiny costume. “Con-graduations! You found a super-rare ducky!” Caine cheered. Queenie inspected the duck’s topology. “My, what kind of costume is he wearing? It looks like… a robot!” Caine broke out into giggles from that silly guess. “No, it’s a doctor, see?” Queenie looked once more at the duck’s costume. “Aah, I see! Silly me! Well it’s a very well-made costume. Credits to the designer, of course!” Caine’s face beamed with pride at the compliment. “Counting this one, that makes twelve ducks! What do you say we round up the teams and count the scores?” Kinger said as he stuffed the last ducky into his robe. 

In the lobby, Caine rounded up every team’s scores. “Dobby and Chia, you have 4 common duckies, 5 limited edition duckies, and 3 super-rare duckies! That adds up to…” he took a moment to calculate the variables, “76 total points! YOU WIN!!!” Their victory immediately earned side eyes from the other teams. “Maybe the stakes actually would have been somewhat fair if you didn’t KIDNAP your teammate the moment the game started.” Wriggle commented. “I know, I know. Sometimes it can be a lot to handle when other people are just better than you.” Dobby gloated. Chia took the opportunity to get out of his sight. Lord knows what he’d do with her if she stuck around for another moment.

Caine was more than pleased with today’s adventure. Everyone was engaged, he got to have fun with Mama and Papa, and now the adventure had sparked conversation between the circus members! Yeah, this was a good day. Caine proudly marched towards Kinger’s room before noticing Papa talking to Dobby Dog. It couldn’t have been anything important, right?

“Can we at LEAST have the ability to actually, you know, USE the food around here? IT SUCKS when you can smell the food in the simulations but not actually TASTE them.” Moppsy bashfully interjected with a comment, “You know, as harsh as that sounded, It would be nice to have a snack every once in a while. You can do that, right?” Kinger gave the idea some thought. “I did have some fragments of code I’ve been meaning to test out…” Caine took notice of that notion. ‘Test out’? That usually means he gets to do fun activities! He briskly shuffled his way to Papa’s room, awaiting whatever new experience Mama and Papa had for him.

Caine spent the day in Kinger’s room arranging the colorful assorted primitives Kinger gave him to play with into simple infrastructures. While he made a castle out of building blocks, Kinger squinted at the screen of his computer, adding semicolons and parentheses at certain intervals. He periodically took breaks to rub his eyes, and went straight back to the lines of code on his screen. Queenie sat near him, massaging his back and giving him something beautiful to look at when the stress got to him. Caine had successfully built a fancy baseball stadium from the ground up, and took a moment to relish  his achievement. He made sure to show it to Mama and Papa, which was met with plenty of praise. He pushed over the structure and tried making whatever new ideas came to his mind. Mama and Papa kept themselves busy discussing syntax, fluid mechanics, and proper VR integration. As the night drew to a close, Kinger got up from his desk and did a big stretch. He looked over to Caine slumped over his block pile and could tell he was more than ready for sleep. “Alright, baby bug. Time for bed.” Caine shot awake at those words, but his tiredness was difficult to hide. Kinger gave a soft chuckle as he picked up the little ringmaster into his hands. “Can you switch into your Pjs for me?” he whispered. Caine drowsily snapped his fingers and switched into a blue star-patterned onesie with a matching sleeper hat. Queenie got close to admire Caine’s little body - his eyes, his feet, his idling hands… Not to forget his ever-growing mind. There was no doubt the coming days would be easy.

Kinger laid Caine down into his racecar bed and tucked him in before flipping on his nightlight. The king and queen gave Caine goodnight kisses one after the other. Now all that was left to do was discuss the plan for tomorrow.

Chapter Text

Caine was no stranger to waking up his parents early in the morning, but it took him by surprise when he woke up in bed to his parents already stirring.

“Good morning, baby bug. We’re taking the day off for some training, so you can just relax if you like.” Kinger said, holding a strange blue capsule of sorts. There was no way Caine was sleeping in and missing the opportunity to see something new and cool! He snapped his fingers to change into his suit, and hopped out of his racecar bed to see what was going on. Kinger and Queenie were busy examining a model of something, something big and blue and…

“What’s that?” Caine asked, pointing to the mysterious blue object. Mama and Papa mumbled something about who should explain it to him, and Queenie shuffled forward.

“So Caine,” Queenie explained, “Kinger and I decided to implement the ability to consume food and drink in the circus. Now, this is a bit of a complicated update logistically, so you’ve been assigned the job of… Alpha testing!” Caine took a while to contemplate those words. Alpha testing? That usually meant extra playtime! “This trial might be a bit of a challenge for all of us, but we’ve seen how much you’ve grown and we know you can do this.”

Kinger introduced the object in his hands. “This… is a bottle of blueberry soda! Would you like to try it?” Caine bounced on his toes and made grabby hands for the bottle of soda. Kinger gripped the top and put in an abundance of force to open the bottle. Caine held onto the chunky 2-liter bottle and let the liquid dissolve into his mouth.

It. Was. Delicious.

“Do you like it, buddy?” Kinger chuckled. Of course, there was no question that Caine was undoubtedly infatuated with that drink. His breathing cycle picked up, and his whole body was noticeably buzzing with ecstasy. Caine loved this new sense, it was like smell, but SO MUCH BETTER! 

“It’s… It is… S- buuuuuuhhhhh…” He tried his hardest to articulate a sentence that could convey what he was sensing. “‘Delicious’ would be the  adjective used to describe good tastes.” Kinger explained. “THE SODA IS DELICIOUS!” Caine yelled as he threw his hands into the air. Queenie aww’ed at his little fit of joy. Sometimes she could hardly believe how downright adorable a bunch of lines of code could be. Well, at least the plan was going well, and the flavor technology worked. Now for the rest of the plan.

Kinger poured a toddler-sized cup of soda. “Here’s another cup since you’re feeling so enthusiastic.” Caine snatched the cup with uninhibited excitement. “If you want another cup, just ask. You can have as many as you like.” Kinger said, winking at Queenie. Queenie reciprocated with another wink. Now all that’s left is to wait for Caine to finish what he’s started.

“Do you feel… anything???” Queenie asked. Caine fidgeted as he sat on her lap. “Nuh-uh.” Kinger stood in front of him, observing his every move. “Any… sensations? Urges? You just feel normal?” Caine nodded. Kinger and queenie continued focusing on him with every passing second. Eventually the constant impending pressure started upsetting him, and that’s when the tears came. Kinger was quick to snap out of his laser focus and comfort the distressed ringmaster. “It’s alright, Caine. You’re doing everything right. We're just making some observations.” That was enough to calm him down. He stayed for a while on Mama’s lap, kicking his little legs until he eventually grew bored. What was he being tested for, anyway? 

The test finally ended when Queenie put him down on the playmat. She seemed pretty distressed when she ended the trial, and she was laughing that same kind of laugh she does when Caine makes a ‘funny’ mistake. She pinched the front of her robe and frantically shuffled out of the room. Kinger closed the door and leaned over Caine. “Um, can you refresh your outfit for me, buddy?” He whispered. Caine snapped his fingers and reset his suit, but something felt different. Did he feel a cool breeze on his behind? Must have been nothing. 

Queenie returned into Kinger’s room and brushed the front of her robe with her hands. Mama and Papa had a little conversation about plumbing and… pelvic floor muscles? This new update was more complicated than he thought. 

Papa let Caine play with his blocks while Mama and Papa worked together installing a new door in their room. He noticed them arranging assets that looked like food items. He couldn’t wait to try them out! Eventually, he got curious and sneaked up to the door of the new room and looked inside. The place was shiny and white, and included a myriad of things he recognized from his motion picture training data. He saw a table, and a lightbulb, and… a fridge!

Kinger noticed Caine peering into the new kitchen and invited him inside. The little Ringmaster walked right in, touching every surface and feeling their normal maps. Queenie was busy testing the constraints on the fridge door, when she noticed Caine curiously looking into the fridge. He was just so darling, with his big innocent eyes taking in the new world around him. Queenie picked up the little guy and showed him the inside of the fridge. “Does all the food look yummy?” She asked. Caine made grabby hands for the items, he wanted to try all the new flavors. “Sorry, little bug. You’re going to have to wait before you can try these.” Queenie chuckled. 

The night was spent refining the Kitchen room, fixing normal issues and reassigning origins. Caine idled around Kinger’s room while they worked, and things were getting boring. That was when he remembered the drink Kinger gave him. There was more of it, right? Caine looked in the bedside drawer where Kinger kept his assets. As he suspected, there was an array of blueberry soda bottles filling the drawer. Caine lit up at the sight of them all. Kinger did say he could have as much as he liked… He didn’t hesitate to pull out a bottle and unscrew the cap just like Kinger did. He chugged the bottle, relishing the sweet taste of the soda. Strangely, the more he drank the soda, the less he wanted more of it. Eventually when the bottle was finished, he felt… full. He didn’t want any more. Caine stuffed the now empty bottle under Kinger’s bed. Boy, that soda didn’t feel very good once he had already finished it. His tummy had a noticeable change in size, and he was starting to grow tired. Caine changed into his pajamas in a snap and lumbered over to bed.

Kinger dusted off his gloved hands as he shuffled out of the kitchen. He scanned the room for Caine, only to see him already cuddled up in his bed. Queenie aww’ed at the little ringmaster peacefully asleep, and without even needing to be told to go to bed either! Kinger planted Caine’s jester plush right by his side. Kinger and Queenie both gave their goodnight kisses, and flipped on Caine’s nightlight. He was going to need the early rest, and with all that was planned for tomorrow, Kinger had a lot of modelling to do.

Chapter Text

The night went by as usual in The Amazing Digital Circus, as Caine slept soundly in his racecar bed. His sleeping was usually virtually uninterrupted, but this night was not a normal night.

Caine woke up feeling stranger than usual. Taking in his surroundings, he noticed the room was dark and the faux window on the wall was still showing a starry sky. Something must have taken him out of his shutdown. He tried falling back asleep, but a growing pain in his abdomen kept him tossing and turning in bed. Feeling irritated, he sat up in his bed, his yellow nightlight illuminating the moon pattern on his onesie. The mysterious pain only became more apparent when he was upright. He looked under his sheets for what was causing the pain, but didn’t find anything. The pain was coming from inside him. That blueberry soda must have done a number on his body. Luckily, he found out that kicking his legs helped with the hurting, but it still wouldn’t go away. He curled up into a ball and whined. How could that blueberry soda have betrayed him so badly? He needed something to make the pain stop. That was when he saw his jester plushie beside his feet. Perfect, something  soft to cuddle. He reached for the toy, but that was when he noticed the feeling starting to subside. Relaxing his body actually made the ache go away. Caine grabbed his teddy and just tried to relax as much as possible. Unfortunately, the soda he drank had some weird side effects.

As he hugged his toy jester, he sensed a fluid physics simulation running near him. He paused his cuddling and pushed back his blanket. That blueberry juice in his tummy was now outside of him, and it was no longer blue. Caine was taken over by panic. What just happened to his body!? What did he just do to his bed!? Was Papa going to be mad that he made such a huge mess!? Caine wiped the unwanted tears forming on his eyes. Eventually the tears became too much to hide, and the whole room could hear him sobbing.

Kinger woke up immediately when he heard Caine’s cries. Queenie rubbed her eyes, taking a moment to realize what was happening. Their poor baby was having a mental breakdown in the middle of the night. They both rushed straight to his racecar bed and tried figuring out what had started his meltdown.

“What’s wrong, baby bug? Was your nightlight off?” Kinger asked, rubbing Caine’s back. Caine made grabby hands at Kinger, wanting to be picked up. The night had gone so horribly, and he wanted nothing more than to be held by Papa. Kinger picked him up and muttered something about how it was not his fault and just a small mistake… It didn’t  matter to him anyway. He just wanted to be cuddled. Papa kept saying things about the soda he had, but Caine didn’t want to hear anything more about that. It was after a while that he noticed the hands holding him were smaller and pointier than expected. He looked up at the face above him and realized he was in Queenie’s hands! He cried again and reached for Kinger to take him. Kinger took Caine back in his hands and let Queenie take care of resetting the bed. 

“I know, baby bug, I know. It’s gonna be alright, okay?” Kinger whispered as he sat down on his bed, “you can sleep with Mama and Papa tonight.” He pulled Caine’s special pillow out of the bedside drawer and set up a little space for Caine to sleep between Mama and Papa. Caine flopped right into his spot, and dozed off rather instantly. That was when Queenie finally came to join them in bed. “Looks like we’re sleeping in tomorrow,” She mumbled before giving Caine a second goodnight kiss.

Caine woke up before Kinger and Queenie, feeling perfectly refreshed… until he started to remember the events of the night before. He made a mess in his bed, Mama and Papa had to wake up in the middle of their  sleep to clean it up, and he screamed and cried when Papa wasn’t carrying him. It was awful. As bad as it was, though, it wasn’t anything some blueberry soda couldn’t fix. Surely he wouldn’t feel weird if he only had half a bottle…

Caine carefully ascended from the bed, flying over Kinger and onto the ground in front of the asset drawer. He opened the drawer where he knew the soda was kept, and took out another bottle. He screwed off the cap and guzzled a good portion of it. The raw sweetness of it instantly brightened his mood. He may or may not have had a sip more than his foreseen serving, but it would be fine. He sneakily put the bottle back in the drawer and flew back into bed, hoping Papa wouldn’t notice.

Kinger and Queenie woke up to the sound of… silence. Caine was still fast asleep after the little incident he had the previous night. The little guy must have been exhausted. It was no problem, though. Their baby sleeping in meant more grown up time together <3.

Caine woke up yet again in Kinger’s bed, bright-eyed and ready for the day’s adventure. Kinger and Queenie were already packing in extra work at the computer station. Caine snapped his fingers and changed into his suit. He curiously wandered over to the station to see what Papa was working on. “Hey there, Caine.” Kinger said. “Mama and I are just adding some new bug fixes to the update. We’re doing another little test after today’s adventure, have you ever wanted to try CAKE?” Caine was practically vibrating with excitement. CAKE!? It always looked so good in his motion pictures, and he would get to experience it FOR REAL! Of course, that would have to wait until today’s adventure was over.

Caine rushed up to the circus cast waiting in the lobby. “Good morning, superstars! I can’t wait to do today’s adventure!” He announced as he ascended from the ground. He was light and bursting with energy, but things quickly turned sour when he felt the side effects of the soda come flooding back. That ‘little bit’ he had must have still been too much. He noticeably tensed up, which caught Kinger’s attention. It didn’t help that it was causing a noticeable lag in his performance. Caine kept on fishing for adjectives while twisting and turning in the air, looking for a comfortable position in light of his pain. 

Eventually he realized flying was taking up too much processing power, and just continued on the ground. Then he remembered what fixed the problem last time… he just needed to relax his body. With a deep breath, Caine held onto his cane with both hands and waited for the discomfort to go away. Unluckily for him, though, he faced the same awful turn of events that had occurred last night. The circus members gave him concerned looks, with Moppsy covering her mouth in shock.

Caine saw the fluid running at his feet, and panicked a little inside. “BAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!” Dobby wheezed. “THAT WAS NOT LEMONADE!” Caine just covered his face in shame. Everyone would be mad, wouldn’t they? They would hate him and think he’s awful and stop liking his adventures and- he started breaking down then and there. That was when he felt a familiar pair of arms wrap around him. “It’s okay, baby.” Moppsy comforted, while trying to keep her feet away from the impending puddle. “There’s no need to be ashamed, it was just a little accident.” “I don’t think little would be the right word.” Dobby snickered. Moppsy shot him a warning glare and continued comforting Caine, though her words didn’t prevent him from tearing up even more. “I know you feel embarrassed, but it’s okay;” Moppsy said, her words laced with pure empathy… and maybe just a little bit of sympathy. 

Caine backed away from the situation and hid under Kinger’s robe. “Do you want to take a break in our room?” Kinger whispered. Caine only gave a few lazy whines. He must have been completely run down from all the big feelings he had. Kinger took a minute to explain the situation to the cast. “Now, I know you’ve all been eagerly awaiting an update that lets you consume food, and well, we’ve been doing some in-house alpha testing with Caine. Unfortunately, it seems we’ve hit some unexpected bugs along the way.” 

Caine picked up most of what Papa was saying. He stayed hidden under Papa’s robe where no one could see him. Caine just wanted to be back in Kinger’s room, back before any of this happened. After a while Kinger lifted up Caine. “Can you reset your clothes, Baby Bug?” Caine just groaned at those words. His little brain didn’t have room for any more problem solving. Queenie gave him a little kiss. “How about we take a rest day today, huh?” Caine only sank further into Kinger’s embrace. “Looks like it’s naptime for you.” Queenie said. She announced that the day’s adventure was cancelled and to be very patient and nice to Caine during the testing period. Caine was already starting to doze off as Papa carried him to bed.

Caine woke up in his racecar bed, although not knowing how he got there. He saw Mama and Papa keeping themselves busy at the computer station. He took a peek at Papa’s work, startling him and mama in the process. “Are you feeling refreshed after your nap, Baby Bug?” Kinger chuckled. Caine nodded excitedly. “Now… you’ve probably been waiting for answers in regards to this whole… update. Well, you can take a seat and we’ll explain it to you.”

Caine pulled up a little chair and waited for Kinger’s explanation. Kinger mumbled some things to Queenie about Caine being ready for training and using visual aids, and pulled out a textbook to show Caine.

“Now Caine, all living things in the whole world need water to live. That includes humans. The human body uses water to do important things like keeping their blood clean. That's what kidneys are for.” Kinger opened the book to show a weird-looking diagram. “Things in real life don’t disappear or get purged, so when you drink liquids like soda, it stays inside you.” When Caine heard that, he felt the outside of his belly. Was the soda he drank still stuck inside him? Kinger continued his lecture: “What your kidneys do is that they use the water in your body to clean your blood… And well, when they’re done, all that dirty water goes down here,” he pointed to the organ lower on the diagram, “into the bladder. You may not have kidneys or veins, but this is the part where your excess water is disposed of.” Caine thought about that bottle he secretly chugged before going to sleep. Was his bladder what was hurting him so much? Queenie made sure he was staying focused. “Do you understand everything so far, Baby Bug?” Caine nodded in response. “Now, we’ve noticed you snuck in some soda bottles outside of testing sessions. I know it tastes yummy, but you should only be having it during testing hours, so that means no soda before bed.”

Kinger paused before continuing the explanation. This was the hard part. “Now, the water in your bladder can’t stay there. Eventually your body gets rid of it. And… that’s what happens when you pee. Uh… that’s what THIS is for!” Kinger unveiled an oddly shaped Caine-sized blue seat of sorts. Caine inspected the thing in front of him. “THIS is the potty! You simply sit on it, and your pee goes in there!” Both Kinger and Queenie were relieved they got that conversation out of the way. “So, Caine,” Queenie added, “When your bladder is full, you’ll feel the need to go pee. That’s when you know you’ll need the potty. So if you ever feel that need, just alert us or the nearest circus member and we’ll take you right here. Got it?” Caine gave a tiny thumbs up, and decided to try sitting on the potty. Kinger bumped Queenie’s shoulder. He was picking it up quick. The next days of training were going to be a breeze.

Chapter Text

After the King and Queen’s adorable wake-up call, Kinger took the time to introduce Caine to a new feature. “There’s something I’ve been needing to show you. Let’s go outside of the room to do it, don’t want to cause a recursion error.” Queenie followed the two outside the bedroom door and Kinger took Caine’s hand and pointed it to the hall. Just like that, a blue door with a Girl and Boy symbol on it appeared in front of Caine. When he  looked inside, he saw Kinger’s bedroom. “Now when you’re on the adventures you can have quick access to your potty,” Kinger explained, “Pretty soon I’ll need to link it to the bathroom, but I'll need to finish making it first.” Caine had fun prompting and deleting the door again and again. “Alright, I know you’re excited,” Queenie said, “but we gotta get breakfast in the kitchen first.” Caine paused his antics to follow Mama and Papa back inside the bedroom. Breakfast? What was that like?

Inside the kitchen, Kinger put Caine in a high chair at the table, and gave him a clear cup full of blue stuff. “This is a slushie,” he said, “go on, try it.” Caine stared at the strange tube sticking out of the cup’s lid. He pulled it out of the hole in the cap, and tossed it to the side before pulling the lid off. The stuff inside the cup was  really cold and looked like snow. Caine stared at the drink for a while, before sticking his whole hand in it and scooping it into his mouth.  Queenie had to stifle a giggle, knowing the little guy doesn’t know how to use a straw. Caine picked up the whole cup and drank the smoothie. It felt super cold, but also tasted sweet. When he finished it, he realized the icy drink made his insides start to feel cold. Kinger took the empty cup and gave him a bowl of red and yellow polygons. “These are apple slices.” He said. Caine picked one up and stuffed it in his mouth. It was super sweet, but also had a different weird flavor that made him feel odd. “Do they taste good?” Queenie asked. Caine nodded as he tried some more apple slices. Great. That meant solid and non-newtonian foods were on the table. “Well,” Kinger said, “guess it’s time to start today’s adventure!” Queenie took a moment to wipe Caine’s face with a paper towel, and gave him a kiss before setting him back down on the ground. 

Caine flew into the circus lobby, ready to announce the day’s adventure. “Today’s adventure involves extensive problem-solving and creativity!” “Does it involve lemonade?” Dobby Dog hollered. “No, it doesn’t,” Caine said, “in today’s adventure you’ll need to find twelve mini train cars hidden around the circus. Arrange them all together to bring the choo-choo train to life! Caine snapped his finger and summoned a simple low-poly train engine. “Have fun!”

While The circus cast searched for the (arguably easy to find) pieces, Caine idled around the train engine. It was amazing the way Papa could make things out of fixed points in space on a 3-dimensional plane. Maybe one day, when he’s bigger, he’d be able to make his own assets like Papa. Caine decided to start catching up with the circus members while on their adventure.

While strolling through the giant block tower, Caine could hear some Circus members stirring. Perfect, they could definitely use some help on the adventure! He ran towards the sounds, but that’s when he felt the morning’s Blueberry slushie catching up with him. Uh oh. Quick, what did Mama say he needed to do when his bladder was full? He had to find the King and Queen or a circus member, and fast! He chased the nearest sound he could hear, and found Dobby dog idling in a corner. It was almost as if he was avoiding the adventure, but that couldn’t have been the case. Dobby Dog loved the adventures! Caine rushed up to him and tried explaining the problem. 

“Dobby! Dobby! I need help… um…” Now how was he going to get him to understand his problem? He didn’t know whether Dobby could have had kidneys in real life. “I drank a… um slushie… and uhh… now the water is in me and I need to get it out!” “Hold on, hold on. You want ME to drag you to the bathroom?” Dobby groaned. “No, I need the potty.” Dobby facepalmed before hoisting Caine up from the ground and marched right over to wherever the funky chess  pieces were.

“KINGER!” Dobby hollered. “Your kid’s gotta go. Take care of it, will ya?” “Well, did he ask you for assistance?” Kinger asked. “Wh- wha- who cares!? I am not going to pee train your f… weird little kid!” “Dobby…” Kinger said, rather sternly, “Caine asked YOU to help him. You need to fulfill his request. Besides, it's easy. The little guy already knows what to do, you just need to supervise him.” Dobby stood stunned, with a squirming Ringmaster in his hands. “WELL, I’m not waltzing all the way over to-” Caine held out his palm and summoned the door shortcut.

“...”

“Alright, fine.”

Dobby Dog stormed into the room and set Caine down on the floor. Caine anxiously pointed to the blue seat across from him in the room. “Alright, alright.” Dobby groaned as he picked up Caine. He put him to stand in front of the bowl. “Alright, now do your thing.” Caine stared up at him curiously. “Don’t you know how to do it?” Dobby growled. “I’m supposed to sit on it.” Caine murmured. “Right. Of course. You’d seem like the kind of kid who sits down.” Dobby snickered, “Now go, sit down and do it.” He turned his back to the scene with crossed arms. So much for ‘already knowing what to do.’ Since when did the role of beta testing include childcare work anyway? Dobby kept circulating those thoughts through his mind until he heard uncomfortable whining coming from behind him. “Now what is it no-” That’s when he turned around to see caine sitting on his potty… with his pants still on.

“WHAT!? NONONONONONO NOT LIKE THAT!” Dobby impulsively shouted as he gripped both his ears.

Caine cowered from his outburst. “…Did I do it wrong?” he whimpered, his voice barely above a murmur.

Dobby could immediately tell any wrong choice of words would set off a complete meltdown, and he could not risk that. “Well… yeah, but-” Caine didn’t wait for another word before breaking down completely.

Kinger. Was going. To kill him.

With a sharp inhale, Dobby picked up the poor thing and begrudgingly brought him in for a hug. “Shhh. It’s okay, little Caine. Oh, you poor, poor, baby.” Thank God that shut him up. How did he let this happen? He had one job and he couldn’t even do that right! When Caine’s whines started to pick up, Dobby had to pat his back to get him to calm down again. Ugh, he hated this. Dobby’s fur was dripping wet and cold and the smell. WHY did Kinger have to give him such a strong sense of smell!?  There had better been weed included in that food update.

Dobby’s heart stopped for a moment when he heard Kinger open the door. Alright, just play it nice and sympathetic. Dobby slowly turned around to reveal Caine crying in his arms. Kinger rushed up to him and swooped the little guy into his hands. “What happened, Baby Bug?” Kinger said as he bounced Caine in his hold. Caine stuffed his face into Papa’s robe. “I didn’t do it right.” “What happened while you were with him?” Kinger asked. Dobby could have told the truth about what happened, but luckily for him, he chose life. “Poor little guy didn’t make it.” Queenie gave her boy a kiss. “It’s alright baby. Now, reset your clothes.” Caine sniffled as he snapped his fingers and the wetness was gone in a flash.

As Dobby watched the King and Queen coddle their freakish kid, he couldn’t help but feel a small growl grow in his throat. That little punk just wet himself, and was getting nothing but his usual attention and sympathy. Not a single punishment, spank or harsh word. That’s how it was all the time. He could be the brattiest, most insufferable kid ever and they would still keep on giving him the same tender loving care they do every day. 

The little brat.

“So nobody cares about the wet dog, huh!?” Dobby hollered to the occupied chess pieces. Kinger and Queenie took notice of the dark spot on his digital coat. “Right, sorry Dobby.” Kinger said, “Thank you very much for helping Caine on the potty.” “Oh, I was delighted.” “Well, let me just…” Kinger brought a couple fingers to his palm in a certain order, and Dobby felt his mind stop and start for a second. The next thing he knew, he was dry again. He had quite a few questions, but Kinger went straight back to babying Caine. He side eyed the little ringmaster as he slinked out of the room.

In the lobby, Moppsy was eagerly helping Wriggle piece the train cars together. With eleven cars lined up and ready to roll, all that was left was the caboose. That was when the cast heard Kinger and Queenie pushing Caine in the last needed train car. When the last car was connected, the train started up and chugged away. Caine flew out of the caboose and waved goodbye to the little train. “Good job, everybody! Now, if you will excuse me, I’m going back to Papa’s room to play.” “Aaaawww!” Moppsy squealed. Caine descended into Kinger’s hands and leaned into his coat. Even when bad things happened, Papa’s comfort was always there.

In Kinger’s room, Caine got to do image recognition data training. All he had to do was match an array of keyword cards to their related image cards. The card in his hand was printed with the phrase ‘pet.’ The cards in front of him: a calico cat and a bronze toaster. Yup, this was going to be harder than he thought. Meanwhile, Kinger and queenie worked on installing a second new door. Most of the assets already existed in the database. So arranging things was no problem. The tough part was something Kinger had been trying to master for a good while: working plumbing. Luckily he had found a somewhat sufficient solution.

Caine was busy matching his cards on the playmat when he was approached by Kinger. “You want to take a little tour through our new room?” Caine excitedly nodded. Kinger led him to a blue door right next to the kitchen door that had a Girl and Boy symbol on it. When Caine looked inside, he was immediately flash-banged with a jumble of white. The floor was tiled and almost reflective, and the walls shared the same tiled pattern. He recognized a cabinet and a bathtub in the room, and in front of him was his potty and something much bigger next to it. Caine pointed curiously at the big white thing. “That’s the toilet, Caine.” Kinger explained, “Pretty soon you’ll start testing it when you get the hang of using your potty. It’s just like the potty, but a whole lot bigger AND it does this!” Kinger pushed a lever down and Caine heard a big, loud noise that made him hide behind Papa. Kinger looked back at Caine. “You don’t like it?” Caine only whimpered and covered his face. “Parhaps I should tone down the collision sounds a little; might be a bit much for players with sensory problems.” Queenie picked up a very scared Caine and rocked him in her hands until he calmed down. Kinger gave him a couple small headpats. “I know the toilet sounds scary, but you’ll learn it really isn’t so scary and you start using it too!” Queenie carried Caine back to the playmat to continue his little card game.

Chapter Text

Caine woke up in bed with his beloved jester plush enveloped tightly in his arms. He pulled the toy even closer to his body and took another moment to get in some extra rest. That’s when he overheard his already-awakened parents doing some work at the computer station.

“Try putting in the keyword ‘fast,’” Queenie said as she pushed aside another stack of hardcover books from the print machine. Kinger squinted at the green and black screen in front of him, and scanned Caine’s literary data training set for any kind of book titles that could help with Caine’s alpha testing. Evidently, there was a LOT more to potty training than they thought. “This one involves a ‘3 day method’… that sounds perfect!” He put some prompts into the computer and a full book materialized  on the tray of the printer. Queenie picked it up and added it to the stack. Hopefully there was something in the dataset that could be useful to them.

“Hey honey…” Queenie started. 

“Hm?”

“Is any of this… legal?”

“Legal?”

“Yeah,” Queenie said, “Like, Caine&Abel just has all this data seemingly at little to no cost to the company, did they even… pay for the licensing of any of this literature? Isn’t this… you know… theft???”

The King and Queen stared at each other for a good while.

“NAH… Couldn’t possibly be.”

“Right. No way they’d just mass plagiarize stuff like this.”

“No way.”

“Of course not.”

“...”

“Although…”

Caine came curiously wandering through the mass of books and cracked open one of the shorter ones. He looked curiously at all the big words and colorful pictures. He held up a couple pages to Queenie’s face. “Look! It’s the potty!” Kinger leaned into the pages he showed. “That’s right, buddy,” He said, “and pretty soon you’ll be using it just like in the book!” Caine looked through the rest of the pages, and became increasingly engrossed in all the information. “Hey, baby,” Queenie suggested, “why don’t you go wait at the kitchen table for breakfast? We’re going to spend the day training. You can continue reading your book.” “Okay!” Caine chirped before skedaddling off to the kitchen with his big book. Kinger swiveled his chair around and picked up a softcover from one stack. “How about we start with this one?”

Caine kicked his little legs while reading the cool new book he found. It included extra information about his potty. He never knew how interesting it was! Just as he was finishing his book, he heard Kinger and Queenie shuffling into the kitchen. 

“So… we’ll start the day with sweets, sours, salts, bitters, and umami.” Queenie rambled. “Then we do some playtime with intermittent drinking, and keep a close eye on him for any signs.” “…and what about when it happens?” Kinger questioned. “We lead him to the thing, and when he actually does it… plenty of praise. Hugs, treats, maybe some tv time.” “Great! Sounds like a plan.”

The King and Queen rummaged through the kitchen cabinets and presented caine with five finger bowls filled with different powders. “You see, Caine, Taste is made up of the five main flavors. The first one is sweet, like sugar. You can try some of it with your hands!” Kinger carefully pulled Caine’s gloves with a couple fingers and they slipped right off, revealing grey skin underneath. Caine gleefully admired his hands, before sticking one in the bowl full of sugar and licking it off his fingerless palm. It tasted a lot like his blueberry soda! He tried tasting some powder from the next bowl. “That one’s salty. Salty flavour comes from the Chemical Sodium Chloride, or, well, salt.” When Caine tasted the salt, his face immediately turned. That stuff was yucky! Mama and Papa couldn’t help but giggle at his scowl. “Salt usually tastes yummier when it’s in little bits, honey.” Queenie said. Caine wiped his salty hand on the table and excitedly stuck it in the third flavour bowl. He noticed Papa almost reaching to stop him from tasting it, but Caine licked the stuff anyway. The face he made was even more disgusted and hilarious than the last. Queenie was in hysterics as she wiped Caine’s face with a paper towel.

“S-sour flavour comes from citric acid, it’s what makes lemons taste yucky.” Queenie explained. Caine did not like sour. He only skeptically side-eyed the next bowl, touching the green powder with his fingertip. “You might not like that one, that’s bitter.” Kinger said. Caine just barely licked the green stuff and displeasedly rubbed his hand on the table with a whine. “You’ll like this last one,” Queenie said, “It's umami, the flavour of meat.” Caine picked up a chicken nugget from the last bowl and tried it. It was WAY better than the other stuff! Queenie dusted some of the Sodium chloride stuff into the nuggets. “You can combine salt with umami flavors to make it taste better!” Caine tried some of the salty chicken nuggets, and finally understood why people liked salt so much! The salt made the Chicken nuggets taste delicious!

Papa gave Caine some cool new foods to try. He got to eat gummy bears, potato chips, fish, and when he was all done, Kinger gave him a tall white glass. “You want to try some milk?” He asked. “The milk that comes from cows?” Caine questioned. Kinger nodded, and Caine took a sip of the milk. It didn’t taste as good as he thought it would, but it was a nice drink. Next, Kinger let him try a cup of Lemonade. The taste was a weird mix of sweet and sour, and it was perfect.

After breakfast, Caine got to have playtime with Mama! He lugged the Primitives bin over to the playmat and dumped all the colorful blocks on the ground. He jumped straight into building a super awesome arena out of cylinders. Queenie helped him identify the different names of the 3d shapes and stack them so they’d balance. Of course, once Caine was set on a vision, the building process was rather quick. Queenie watched him find blocks with a particular shape and build the little arena layer by layer. When that was done, he waited for Mama’s applause before knocking it over and starting a new structure. Queenie let him have little breaks to drink blueberry soda.

After making a bunch of super-cool towers, Caine got to do something special - imaginative play! He got to pretend he was someone or something else and play with special props Papa made! He rummaged through the toy bin and found a little police hat. “I can pretend to be a police!” he cheered. “Perfect, and I can be the crook!” Queenie said. “No, I don’t want you to be bad…” Caine murmured. Queenie bent over to his level. “It’s alright, Caine. We’re just playing pretend. If you ever need to pause playtime I’ll still be here to be your Mama.” Caine just looked down at his feet for a moment. “Okay, you can be bad, but just for pretend.”

“You’ll never catch me, fuzz!” Queenie growled as she dodged the swings of Caine’s baton (which was really a blue building block.) She scurried away from Caine and hid behind the bed. Caine looked around the room for where Mama was hiding. He noticed Kinger doing some research at the computer station. “Where is Mama?” he whispered. “I can’t help you out, Caine. That’s cheating. You need to catch that crook yourself.” Kinger chuckled. Caine sighed and continued looking for Mama. He finally found her leaning against the bed, and threw a full-on ambush with his baton. “Grr, ya got me!” Queenie pouted. Caine took her hand and led her to the playmat. “You’re under arrest!” He said with a stomp. He dropped his baton and pretended to secure a pair of handcuffs around Queenie. “Whaddaya gonna do now?” Queenie grumbled. Caine thought about what police do. “I’m going to collect your information, and take a picture of you, and I’ll take you to see a judge, aaaannd…”

Queenie noticed Caine’s voice trail off. His face turned in discomfort as he gave a groan. “Sweetie? Is it time to pause playtime?” Queenie asked. Caine fidgeted with his hands and gave an embarrassed nod. The squirming of his whole body was definitely a sign. “Caine, is your bladder full?” He nodded again.

Yup, his bladder’s full.

It’s happening. 

It’s happening… 

IT’S HAPPENING!!

“H-HONEY! CODE YELLOW!” Queenie hollered. Kinger immediately snapped out of his research and rushed to Queenie’s side. “Caine, do you need the potty?” He asked. Caine nodded again. “Good job communicating, buddy.” Caine tried to keep a normal position while Papa talked, but his lower body was making a lot of unwilling movements. His legs just couldn’t stay still, and it was annoying. Why couldn’t he stop? Kinger chuckled at Caine awkwardly trying to halt his moving legs. “You’re doing a potty dance, Caine!” He snickered. Caine looked down at his feet. He didn’t know the human body could dance all by itself. Kinger explained, “A potty dance is just what your body does to keep you from having a pee accident. Now, your potty is right over there, so go quick.” Kinger and Queenie shuffled over to Caine’s potty. Caine tried walking towards it, but he discovered having a full bladder made walking a whole new challenge. It was like he was taking autonomous locomotion testing all over again! He stumbled a couple times before tripping on the ground. Queenie tried not to intervene until she heard him starting to cry. She shuffled to Caine’s side and offered him her hand. Caine got back on his feet and held on to the fluff of Mama’s robe. “You’re doing so good, Caine.” Queenie praised Caine while he took a few wobbly steps forward. 

Caine finally made it to the potty, now all that was left was learning how to use it. Kinger pinched the edges of Caine’s suit pants. “You just have to pull your pants down first,” Kinger said as  the pair of pants separated from Caine’s grey skin, “and then you take a seat right here.”

Caine sat down on the seat.

“Other way, honey.” Queenie said.

Caine turned around and sat down on the seat.

The potty fit like a glove around Caine’s body, he could get used to using this. Being human must have been easier than he thought.

Kinger and Queenie both applauded Caine’s little achievement. “Now, you can pee.” Kinger said. Caine kicked his little legs as he sat, waiting for his body to finish the task. Kinger and Queenie were caught in anticipation of their sooncoming victory. The minutes ticked by until eventually…

They heard it. A stream.

Caine was finally doing it.

The code worked.

The code WORKED.

Kinger’s breathing stopped for a moment, Queenie covered her face as a few unexpected tears came flowing. Kinger gave Caine a big round of applause while Queenie leaned on his back, crying her eyes out. This was the greatest moment of their lives! It was glorious!  

Caine focused very hard on getting the last dribbles out, and finally finished the job. That’s when Kinger hoisted him up from under the arms and twirled him around in the air. “YOU DID IT, CAINE!” Kinger cheered with a couple stray tears in his eyes. “You did absolutely amazing!” Caine giggled at Kinger’s enthusiasm. Kinger handed the little guy over to Queenie so she could get a turn at twirling him around. She littered Caine’s face with a swarm of kisses and put him back down on the playmat. The King and Queen squeezed each other in a giant hug, taking in their victory. They eventually separated from the embrace, and stood silently at each other’s side for a while.

“...” 

“That was weird.”

“Parenting is weird.”

Queenie gave the King a little kiss, and turned her attention to the used potty.

“So… what exactly do we… do with it now?” She asked.

“Ah, yes. I’ll be taking care of that.”