Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

31/5/25

Hello Ami,

I’ve decided to start writing to you. It’s a bit late to begin but I don’t care. My name is Lacey Nel Spears, but I go by Nel. I don’t remember if I went by this name at camp. I’ve just finished day one of my [grade redacted] finals.

My math final was fine. I did it in around an hour. My ancient history final was completed in ten minutes. I do love learning about ancient civilizations. I also finished my writing final second. I’m so glad this is my final day with Mr Horn as my teacher.

I’ve also gotten my schedule for *next year*. My CIS Greek class is ninth hour! I’m going to be so tired. But I’m not in band as well. Dad thinks that AI wrote the schedules. Also, I don’t have art or music history! Principal Jennings has already set up a meeting about this.

Mom has a rental car right now. [passage redacted]. I’m trying to find a job. When I do, I’ll start to pay for the repair.

I’ve also started to study Greek. I can use greetings right now. Hopefully I’ll be fluent by my [year redacted] trip. Watching Arcane in Greek is helpful.

As I had you out, Ami, my Dad walked in and told me that the AC is broken. That’s a tragedy. But my sorrow comes from you. You’re the only person that I feel safe sharing things with (in my family). But you died at [age redacted]. I’ll keep you safe and hidden (from my family). I promise that.

Chapter Text

1/6/25

Hello Ami,

Today is the first day of pride month. I think that you used to love it. Dad had a man fix the AC. Turns out it was only a bad filter.

Kruse (fake name for my grandma), Elli (fake name for my brother), Mom and I went to shop today. I got more female clothes. It’s been awhile since I was a girl. I’m starting to get the hang of it. We also took a look at mattresses. Kruse bought one at a discount. That got me to ask Mom to get me a new one. Mine is ten years old. [Sentence redacted].

I also used some of my Easter money to buy a new journal. I feel so bad about the fact that you’re a book I got for free. This new one has a flower and closes with a magnet.

Different subject but I get new shoes. They zip up and are black converse high tops. I really want to wear them to summer camp. Speaking of which, I have a [words redacted] camp coming up. [Passage redacted]. What’s a couple more years of hell?

I wish my friends understood my story. But my *current school* friends are too soft and distant for it. They wouldn’t understand. They wouldn’t try to. And my *old school* friends have enough problems. Some of them are a problem.

If only you had a voice still. You don’t judge me. But if my “friends” find you all hell would break loose. One day I will find somebody who cares. Hopefully they won’t rape me again.

Chapter Text

2/6/25

Hello Ami,

I’ve just finished my Latin Final. Bray is still staring at theirs. I’ve been trying to get ahead of my summer work. However, I find ‘Sir Gawain and the Green Knights’ slow. It’s much more fun talking to you. I’m really hoping that I did well on the final. I needed a 90% to pass. I answered all the bonus questions and used all my remaining point coupons (if we did extra worksheets we could get an extra point).

I only have four days left of school. Soon I won’t be a [grade redacted] anymore. Also the pigeon (it’s a stuffed animal) I got for Mrs Petraki came in. Ms Gilleth’s dice are said to arrive tomorrow.

. . .

Update, I’m now in my study hall. I’ve started to sign people’s yearbooks. I think Lenie’s was my favorite. It was the most genuine. It’s all a bit chaotic in here. I can’t wait until lunch. Then I’ll be able to finish my biology note sheet.

. . .

It’s getting a bit boring in here. I was under the impression that the study hall was shorter. Lacey (she has the same name as me in real life), Janet and Helmi are playing Roblox. I wish that I brought my phone.

. . .

Back again and I’ve just finished my band final. I did well on the scales but I messed up one of the easy ones right at the end. But something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about is on my mind again. I feel like my *current school* friends are using me. I try not to mind their distance, like how Bray has been planning their B-day in front of me. And I’m not invited.

However, I can’t tolerate being exploited. People keep taking my food and Aarna asked me to see my Latin. I, of course, got nothing in return. Plus, Carlos has shown me what a friend should be. At lunch, we climbed a tree. I was having trouble doing so due to all the blazers in it (my school has uniforms). But he didn’t put me down for it! As usual, my friends didn’t notice my absence. Or didn’t care. I don’t know which fate is worse.

. . .

Ami, a funny thing keeps happening to me. For the past couple of months this *grade younger than me* boy keeps asking for my number. He’s cute but I don’t want to date him. I’m not ready to date. Besides, it might just be a joke. But maybe he thinks I’m hot!

. . .

I’m back from dinner with Mom and Dad. Dad said that the damage to Mom’s car is *a large sum of money*. The radiator is broken. [Sentence redacted]. I feel horrible. [Passage redacted].

Chapter Text

3/6/25

Hello Ami,

I’ve completed my English final. It took me less than fifty five minutes to do. Janet mouthed to me ‘how did you finish so fast’. To be honest, I don’t know. I would also like to inform you that I got Mr Horn’s signature (for my yearbook). That leaves seven more teachers to go.

Yesterday I ordered myself some pony beads and forty new shoe laces. Hopefully I won’t buy anymore after this. Mom also sent me the packing list for camp. I’m bringing you. Let’s pray that no one reads you.

A grim topic I want to share with you was in my head. My friend, Lenie, had told me that during their Spanish final they had a panic attack. The teacher sent them down to the office to calm down. Lenie said that it helped. Immediately, I became alert with fear. Usually, bad things happen in the office. Things I can barely describe as anything other than body punishments. But then I remembered that *my current school* is different. Back at *my elementary school*, you would come back hollowed out. God forbid if Ms Stocker (the school’s social worker) took a keen liking to you. I pity the foster kids that got used to that shit fast.

But what I’m trying to tell you is that this school makes me wish for a childhood that didn’t consist of missing parts and leaky *flesh*. Children never recover from it. We either go numb and repress it or become a monster too. Death is a grace to those whose bodies were stolen. At least Lenie didn’t go through that.

. . .

I just got done with my biology final and oh my goodness! It was the easiest this ever if you can look past the pig part (we got quizzed on the pig dissection we did). I started to guess like my life depended on it!

Anyways . . . I forgot to say this before but I thought of another story idea. I haven’t told you this before, but I’m a writer. I have been since grade three. Granted, my stories weren’t that good back then. [long ramble about plotting redacted]. I haven’t planned how she does it or how it ends, as usual. But maybe this is the plot that finally sticks. I certainly want it to anyway. You’ll be there along the way. Please don’t leave me again.

. . .

My gym final is now all done. We couldn’t do it in the gym because the staff are setting up for graduation. So instead we had it in *a math teacher*’s room. First, Principal Jennings watched us. Then it was Tros (my Latin teacher) and next Loyque (a Spanish teacher). Mr Freso (my gym teacher) will be here in twenty minutes, so he says.

My friends have started to get their finals grades back. The Spanish final is a killer. Dana got a 49 out of 100. Yet most of it was multiple choice.

. . .

We have an hour left until the school day is over. I don’t know what to do with myself. I forgot to mention it bu I got Ms Gilleth’s and Ms Reed’s signatures. I can’t wait until summer.

But I need to amend a previous entry. I had said that all my *current school* friends were fake. But I lied. Janet, Panida and Carlos are kind. I’ve already talked about Carlos, so I’ll skip him. However, Janet and Panida had a really nice chat with me in biology. It was truly a breath of fresh air.

. . .

Thinking about it for more than a second made me realize that I’ll be reading these entries in the future. So let me cement a few things in history. [Passage redacted]. I dislike Helmi. I have a large friend group and other friends outside of it. I want to be an archaeologist and a writer. I want to move to Greece. I also want to study abroad. I’m not yet fluent in Greek. [Sentence redacted]. I love Epic: The Musical. I love watching arcane. [Passage redacted].

. . .

[Political passage redacted]. I also found out that Silvia is studying Alzheimer’s disease. Her husband, Isaak, wants to hire her. He’s a neurosurgeon. Nepotism can be good.

Chapter Text

4/6/25

Dear Ami,

Today I’m in Mrs Petraki’s room for a study hall. It’s usually fine for us to talk but George is taking his Spanish final (he needed to make it up in our room). It’s a good thing I brought two books.

But since Mrs Petraki has sudokus and coloring pages, I decided to also stalk up on those. Hopefully my future self won’t be bored.

. . .

Around forty five minutes into this two hour study hall and I’m bored. So I thought it fitting to tell you about my *elementary school* experience. At first I didn’t wish to burden you with it, but that’s almost impossible to do. But allow me to start small.

In third grade, in Mr Hodges’s room. That isn’t the beginning of my problems, but it’s a good starting point. When you are little she (Ms Stocker) uses you for pleasure. It’s our gift for ‘being good’.

But when the 3-5 side (the upper grades of elementary school) rolls around, suddenly it gets violent. You’re still taken for her pleasure, but for your punishment.

I remember that, once a week, my class would go to ‘Explorations’ (history of our government system). The main office was just across the hall. Heaven forbid you got sent to the hall.

. . .

Mrs Petraki lifted the talking ban so I signed a couple of my friends’ yearbooks. But let me continue the story: If Ms Stocker walked by when you were out there, she would beckon you to her office. Inside, you became sticky, wet and hollow. She would return you in a different body, if one at all.

Vivian and I were trouble makers. But we knew the system. Thus, we sent notes to each other encrypted in code. Many a time did that save us from a body punishment. But Vivian couldn’t always save me.

Sometimes I would find myself hiding behind a filing cabinet in Mr Hodges’s room, sobbing and hoping that Ms Stocker wouldn’t find me. Vivian would place her chair in a way where I wouldn’t be seen easily. But Ms Stocker is a hound. She found me most days and used me until my tears ran dry and my screams went silent.

She would say I was good and smart and pretty and perfect. So I stayed. For *many* years I bore it. Oh Ami, there is so much I want to tell you. But the rest will have to wait. There are so many monsters in these tales, but none have horns or fangs or claws. They only wield lies of love.

. . .

I finished my Spanish final. It was easier than I thought. The translation was a breeze! Also, during my study hall I got called to the office. I was scared at first but calmed down when I realized that it was for a schedule change.

. . .

Ha, as I was about to start my next sentence, I was called to the office again. I thought that he (Principal Jennings) made a mistake. But it turns he just forgot to take my name off the list. Anyways, I’ve got my dream schedule now.

. . .

“Gym” has started. We got placed in room 1323. It’s a couple of upper classmen and board games. Can you tell that nobody thought this through?

Since tomorrow is the last day of school, I’ve decided to bring my camera. Hopefully I can get some cute pics of my friends.

I’ve been writing to you a lot. At this rate you’ll be a new notebook by July. It won’t be the flower one. It’s another free one. But after that you’ll be beautiful.

. . .

I found out what I got on my Spanish final. It was a 68 out of 100. That’ll drop my grade to a B+. Hopefully I did well on my Latin final.

Chapter Text

5/6/25

Hello Ami,

It’s the last day of school! As a treat, I’ve decided to put in some photos. I only have time to write to you right now because it’s locker clean out.

. . .

Math:

I came back to math after playing ‘Pomp and Circumstance’ in band for the *graduates* to find this. I think Lance drew it.

+The whiteboard is covered in drawings of various anime characters. Most are of obscure characters but there are at least three of various ‘Demon Slayer’ characters.

We have math in the Greek classroom. This is a statue of Athena. The students pray to her before tests.

+It’s a white bust of her from the chest up. She’s looking down with a helmet balanced on her head.+

. . .

Latin:

This is the ‘Cursus Honorum’. In Rome you need to go up it to become a ruler. In our class you get rewards for doing extra work and moving up this chart.

+The cork board has our Latin names pinned onto it. There are at least thirty slots for ranking in the class. Most aren’t even past the lower ten.+

We do vocab games in Latin. 2nd hour’s (my hour) record is seventy one vocab words correct in five minutes. The reason hour one is in the lead is because it’s beginner Greek. They have easier words.

+On the whiteboard there’s all the hours that our teacher teaches. We all have our scores posted publicly. First hour’s score is near one hundred.+

. . .

Ancient Literature:

These are some of the books we read this year.

+There’s a cart with books such as the Iliad, Odyssey, Beowulf, Gilgamesh, Agamemnon, Oedipus and the Aeneid.+

This is the map of the journey Odysseus took to get home. That’s my favorite tale!

+The map is browning and has many tears. A fair bit of it is in transliterationed Greek.+

. . .

Ancient History:

There are usually drawings of ducks in her class. They’re always very cute and derpy. Mrs Petraki finds them endearing.

+Near her desk, on the whiteboard, there are multiple ducks drawn with monocles and top hats.+

The map is in the back of the room. Carlos and I love to talk about it.

+It’s a population map of our country. Everything is so perfectly color coded that we could stare at it forever.+

. . .

Lunch:

We had a potluck at lunch. Lacey and Janet brought cookies and muffins. I brought candy. The school gave us pizza, juice and ice cream.

+Our lunch table is filled to the brim with sweets. We have no space to put our binders.+

We went outside to crack eggs filled with confetti on one another (it’s a Spanish tradition). I found it childlike and freeing. Quite fun!

+There’s confetti in our hair and eggshells on the ground. The screams of joy are wonderful. The screams of terror as friends try to egg their friend is cutting.+

My friends got bored of me quickly. They huddled around something more interesting than I. [Sentence redacted].

+The picture is of the back of all my friends. I end up just talking to Lenie about how they’re doing.+

. . .

Biology:

This is the first thing I saw in Biology. I knew it would be a good class.

+It’s a poster of a dog wearing safety goggles. It has the words ‘Lab safety’ on it.+

That is ‘le poisson Steve’. It’s apparently a meme. Ms Reed is turning him into a purse.

+There’s orange fabric half sewn together into the general shape of a fish.+

. . .

Spanish:

This chart used to hold who needed to turn in missing assignments. But after the deadline (to turn in missing assignments) passed, she put this up. At least she has a sense of humor?

+It’s a section of the whiteboard. It currently has the words ‘You snoozed, you loozed’ on it.+

. . .

Band:

These are our warm up binders we use.

+It’s a shelf filled to the brim with beat up white binders. Most of the have random subjects written on them in sharpie.+

Just some percussion instruments. But I don’t use these ones. I wish!

+There are symbols and snare drums. They’re so dusty for no reason.+

. . .

Gym:

We went outside for gym. I tried to climb the tree. It was HOT!

+There’s a huge shady tree behind the school. Everybody draped their blazers over the branches and put their backpacks at the trunk.+

Chapter Text

6/6/25

Hello Ami,

It’s the first day of Summer! I slept in till 8:30. I’m out camping with my [group name redacted]. We had a rough go at setting up tents. There was pudgy-pie making and bracelet making.

7/6/25

Hello Ami,

I’m still camping! I was so cold last night. We rented bikes from an ice cream shop. Mine was too tall so I had to jump on. Plus, my helmet was too big. We ended up biking over twenty five kilometers (sixteen miles). I was so dead at the end. We plan to swim a bit as well.

. . .

I’m back from swimming! I ended up just wading in the water. But on the drive back to camp I kept getting asked for my cord. I gave it to them but I needed to charge my phone.

I also would like to touch on why I hated the biking so much. It goes back to my elementary experience. The start of all my pain is unknown, but it was during kindergarten. Before new years, I had a big surgery. That led to me losing a lot of weight. Ms Stocker was very attracted to this new look. So she raped and groomed me.

But years into this, I had another surgery. The memories came flooding back. It didn’t help that I was learning how to bike at the time. Ria and Ronald (my dad’s mother and father) told me that if I fall off the bike, I’ll need another surgery. So I now associate biking with rape. Maybe someday a historian will see me as a victim, not a monster (this will make sense later).

. . .

I forgot to tell you that I finished plotting the story. [Plotting ramble redacted]. I swear, Ami, it’s better than it sounds.

Chapter Text

8/6/25

Hello Arthur and Kizut,

I bet you’re wondering why I’ve addressed you as Arthur and not Ami. And why there’s now a Kizut. Well, last night I got some info. There was this kid I met at camp (from a few years ago), Oliver, who had a girlfriend named Kizut.

I had met Kizut at a camp two weeks prior. But they had asked to kiss and *sleep with me*. They were instant. I felt bad at the time for turning them down. Especially since I knew that their father physically abused them.

This leads me to last night. Ashley (a girl I was camping with) and I were talking and Oliver got brought up. Then Oliver’s girlfriend who died of Covid-19. Kizut, that was you.

So, Kizut, let me now address you. I have heard wonderful tales about you from Oliver. But I also know your flaws. I find it hard to write to you as I do Ami. But *they* never lived long enough to let me see their flaws.

I won’t make writing to you normal, but I find it rude to not let history remember you. Your name was [real name redacted] and you were an imperfect child. As all were. That is your claim to history, Kizut. I’m sorry you never got to be anything other than a child.

As for you, Arthur, I found it rude to use Kizut’s chosen name (Arthur and Kizut are trans) and not yours. As to why I didn’t use Arthur from the start is another thing. My parents know that name. If they found you (the diary) with that name, hellfire would come. So I use *Ami* as a cover name.

Chapter Text

9/6/25

Hello Ami,

Today was my first real day of Summer. I was so productive! I was working on finding names for my characters when I had an idea.

After some researching, I found a summer camp. It’s a *religious* one in August. I want to find out more about religion as a whole.

. . .

It’s dawned on me that within these pages, I control history. That’s too much power. Heavy is the head that wears the crown. So let me tell you a few things that are better off forgotten.

I constantly get mad at my Mom and Dad for nothing. I’m horribly selfish without reason. But the worst thing is that I *love to make up harmful stories*. I make *the story* hurt fictional characters for my enjoyment.

Since I was a toddler, I’ve taken pleasure in people’s pain. But I limit myself to fictional people with the remaining virtues I have. I fear I’m turning into a monster with each passing day.

Chapter Text

10/6/25

Hello Ami,

Today I was looking at video homes for the switch. I’ve decided to get Hades. But for that I have to buy more storage.

Also, I’ve been posting YouTube videos when Mom and Dad are gone. I’m hoping to start writing my story today as well. Later, Mom and I are going to watch episode one of Arcane. I love that show.

11/6/25

Hello Ami,

I think I’m sick. My nose has been stuffed, I’ve got a headache and maybe a fever. I took an hour nap and couldn’t stomach much food. Plus, I was too tired to work on my story.

On a brighter note, I heard that Mom’s car will be repaired by Wednesday. She’s disappointed, but I’m not. My extra storage for my switch is arriving today.

I want to ween myself off of my *harmful stories*. But addictions make monsters. So that means I’m twice the monster I was as a child. ‘Diary of a Young Girl’ is going to be ‘Evidence of the Devil’ for me.

I should point out my hypocrisy. Sometimes I think I’m blameless while other times I’m a monster. I feel like I’m a thousand people trapped in one shell.

Perhaps when Ms Stocker was dissecting me, she *attached* another mind. But I’m sorry if I contradict myself. It can only even hurt me, *so what’s the harm*.

Chapter Text

12/6/25

Hello Ami,

Today was a slow day. I watched Minecraft videos and ‘The Queen’s Gambit’. I think that show is so relaxing. I also cleared my office desk to work on my story. I finished writing chapter one. Mom liked it. We also went out to eat at *a pub*.

13/6/25

Hello Ami,

Mom and Dad worked from home today. I wrote chapter two alongside Mom at her desk. She read it and . . . well . . . she had a lot to say. Mom also emailed Benji, the youth pastor, to see if I can do youth group.

Dad’s panini press came today. He made us Rubens on it for dinner. I’ve also started to relearn how to play chess. But I can so far only tie anyone I play. Mom and I made banana bread after dinner. We put walnuts on it.

I also saw on TikTok and Instagram that Jorge Rivera-Herrans met Lin Manuel Miranda. They’ve both written musicals, stared as the lead and are Puerto Rican. They’re my idols!

14/6/25

Hello Ami,

I bought the video home Hades. It’s addicting. But I’m in god mode in the game. Anyways, I went downstairs to tell Mom this but she had bad news. *Political chaos had arrested last night*.

. . .

So all of *where I live* is on lockdown. All the police are doing a manhunt. But Dad and I still went shopping. We decided to not go out to eat BBQ for Father’s Day. But we’re doing it tomorrow after church. We had *wings* tonight. All this manhunt talk is depressing. So let me tell you about Hades.

I found out about the keepsake system. Currently, my favorite characters are Achilles and Hypnos. Their character designs are just so perfect. I also love their wacky personalities.

Chapter Text

15/6/25

Hello Ami,

It’s the morning and I found out that our *friend, Dave, who used to work in politics was witness to the aftermath of all the violence. He was at the hospital when the police and ambulances arrived. Dave was there to get a minor surgery but had to wait as the people more in need got brought in*.

Changing the subject, I’m better at Hades. I got to the Elysium boss battle. I wonder when I can meet Patroclus. God, I hate all this *political* stuff. Mom acts like I should care. But I don’t! I never knew *the victims*. Plus, I got raped for seven years and they never blinked. I didn’t expect them to.

They shouldn’t need a teen’s pity! I want to be remembered by history. But if nothing else, remember these emotions. Remember that my emotions aren’t for sale or for slavery. I choose my reaction, not some old ass *political drama*.

. . .

We had BBQ at the place. While there (at twelve-ish), I drafted a diary entry. Here it is: So I found out more about the *political chaos* in the car. [Political violence retelling redacted].

My older brother, Elli, doesn’t think it’s right to kill a special needs child. I don’t think it’s right either but it’s no more wrong than trying to kill any child. I hate those who would rather kill a “regular” child than a special needs one! What about the fact that they’re BOTH CHILDREN!

. . .

Pushing forward, I went shopping with Mom, Elli and Kruse. Most notably I got new clothes. They’re so pretty. But Kruse and Mom are always so focused on Elli. He’s their favorite child and grandchild. It feels so lonely being me. Plus, Kruse is very attention seeking.

By the time we got ice cream, I was done and ready to punch her. She wouldn’t leave the car until she ate all her ice cream. She’s a slow eater. And she’s always so touchy. If I say something, it’s met with a pat.

Also, they won’t stop talking about the *political happenings*. I get that it’s bad, but I’m a kid. They talked about *the events* with toddlers around. Let’s not introduce anybody to death. They want me to feel bad for the victims. But I won’t on principle alone. But if I tell them, they’d wish *I was killed instead*.

Chapter Text

16/6/25

Hello Ami,

I got mechanical pencils yesterday, so no more thick letters. I’ve decided that my goal for Hades is just to get Achilles and Patroclus back together. But to do that I need to free Sisyphus and reunite Orpheus with Eurydice. I’m on a time crunch because Hades two releases in the Fall. I’m currently watching the Hermitcraft season six finale.

I’ve also yet to be rid of my *harmful story* addiction. Achilles is just too good of a man to resist. I’ve *created so many stories about him. I did the same with Odysseus from Epic as well*. There are so many good ones about Achilles and Patroclus.

. . .

As I was writing to you, Dad walked in. He asked what you were. I told him you were private. He joked that you were my *list of people to kill*. You know, sometimes I want somebody to steal and read you. At least they would understand me. But I’m scared to.

But as I was saying, fanfics are so calming. They’re not *smut. However, I still get joy from my readings*. Unfortunately, I can no longer read Odysseus ones with joy. I watch too many videos of the man (Jorge) who plays him to feel comfortable. As deranged as I am, I would never to purposefully *take pleasure in hurting a real person*. Too many people have done it using me for me to find pleasure in doing the same.

. . .

Tonight I’m hiding you in my sock drawer. I forgot to tell you that I picked out my youth group outfit. Mom got me signed up. It’s a cute plaid skirt with a feminine top and my hair pulled up halfway. Anyways, back to the drawer. I don’t trust Dad to not read you.

17/6/25

Hello Ami,

I’ve finally beat a run of Hades. I even did it using a weapon I don’t normally use! Mom’s also going to be off work on Thursday, so we can spend time together. I asked if we could look for a new bike seat.

Most of my day was spent *creating stories*. I have a new hobby now that I play Hades. *I make Achilles hurt. It lets me feel in control. Goodness, I love it*. [Description redacted].

I was also looking at what songs I listened to in sixth and seventh grade. Some of them were questionable. But there were like eighty songs or more. I forgot that I needed music every second. It was to silence the memories of getting raped. Plus, in seventh grade my friend was was sexualizing me in a disturbing way too. I thought that if I played enough songs loud enough it would drown out my sorrows and rage. Maybe it would even blind me from my troubles with Nymbus.

Chapter Text

18/6/25

Hello Ami,

I’m in my most feminine outfit today. It’s the plaid skirt one. I’m starting youth group today, so that’s why. Maybe I can find a boyfriend at church. Or a girlfriend. I also took a bath today. I have to drag myself into cleaning my body these days. I only do it *a few times a week*. But I wanted to feel clean at church, so I bathed myself.

If I like youth group, Mom agreed to sign me up for religious camp. Speaking of Mom, I still need to plan the rest of tomorrow. I’m not usual to being able to pick everything. Usually, Elli’s voice overrides mine. I’ve grown up doing what he wants. It’s like I’m finding myself again. But I could pick out a thousand outfits and still feel unfulfilled. That’s what my life has been.

My parents spoil me rotten with all the toys and games money can buy. But they fail to realize that I would trade all of my possessions for the sweet ichor of love they spoon feed my brother. I know deep down that the hand-me-down love they give me is infinite. However, I demand a larger infinity. Take away all I have, so long as I get a larger rationing of love.

. . .

I’m back from youth group. They did a big game, singing, sermon, small group and gaming in that order. The game was throwing balls at people blindfolded. The boys had to protect their *parts*. We drew tickets for candy. I didn’t win. Then we went up to the front to listen to songs. Everybody was waving their hands. [Sentence redacted]. Benji gave a sermon. It was about idol worship. He talked about our want for power. He quoted Mathew 4:8-10 where Jesus was fasting in a forest for forty days. Satan was trying to tempt him to eat.

My small group was run by Jessie and another woman. It was just the female freshmen. We discussed the sermon Benji gave. I knew three girls in the group. Mila and Lerose were in my *old middle school* and my old *camping group*. The third girl was in my seventh grade honors biology class first hour with Mr Spectacal. She was recovering from leg surgery then. I recognized her from the giant scar. They don’t remember me.

When they knew me I was a boy named Carlos (the same name as Carlos my friend, total coincidence) with short hair and no glasses. I also found out that the *political problem was caught*.

After small group two girls showed me the games. But they left me near the giant Jenga. I get it. I wouldn’t want to be stuck with the new kid either. But Jessie and another woman came and asked me to play jenga. We did, but the blocks were handmade, meaning that they stuck to each other and were hard to pull out. We played three *rounds* before I left to go home.

Chapter Text

19/6/25

Hello Ami,

Mom and I went shopping today. I got a new cushy bike seat. We also looked for modest swimsuits for me. We didn’t find any. Also, Mom got her car back. After shopping we went to *a sushi conveyor belt restaurant*. Dad and his business partner, Elmer, came along. I was still hungry afterwards so Dad got me a Korean hotdog.

At home, Mom tried to sign me up for religious camp. However, there’s a waitlist so Mom also signed me up for a [name redacted] pride camp. It’ll be my third year.

I also decided to continue watching ‘My Hero Academia’. I did it while Mom and Dad were at Rachel’s grad party. My favorite character, Hawks, got really badly hurt. [Passage redacted]. But watching that made me want to read fanfics. [Sentence redacted].

20/6/25

Dear Ami,

I completed another run of Hades. I thought I should mention it before I talk about the heavy stuff. Ria and Ronald are visiting. They say that my cousins, Kathy and Poppy, are getting financial aid with their schooling. Also, Uncle Ben is getting weaker. He’s practically paraplegic so I’m not surprised nor do I care.

At dinner, Mom couldn’t help but talk about *the political drama*. She told Ria and Ronald the story with *Dave in the hospital*. I’m getting really annoyed with how much she talks about it. Just shut the fuck up! I’ve heard it once, I don’t need to hear it a thousand more times. Plus, she keeps talking about how Dad went *shopping* during the manhunt.

She was worried for his safety. But she fails to care that I went with him. Does Mom want me dead?! That’s one thing we have in common. Also, she keeps telling everybody that her (our) old house was near the *violence*. Nobody gives a shit! It’s been a whole ass week and Mom still hasn’t stopped talking about it. Just give up! I don’t care and never will!

. . .

I feel like nobody cares about me. They do care, but they don’t do it loud enough. Mom, Ria, Elli and I went on a walk and I hoped that I could finally talk about myself. I would be praised and loved loudly by all! But no, Elli was in the spotlight once more. Even when we got home, Ria seemed indifferent to me.

All the adults just rattle off tragedies of family members that I don’t care about. It’s not like I want those family members to suffer, but I don’t care about their wellbeing. They bat no eye to me, so why should I weep?

Maybe the level of love I speak of is just a fantasy. It might be too loud for man to be granted. But give me a taste of fulfillment. Give me a purpose greater than myself. Give me soft love that spans the ages. I want a *lover to love me alone*. Our *company* can be all the joy we need to keep living. Dear god, just give me somebody to fill me up with the sweetness of love. I know it’s possible. Stocker and Nymbus have certainly hollowed me out enough to bear it.

Chapter Text

21/6/25

Hello Ami,

*A war might break out. The leader of my country has made a great mistake. There’s a high chance that we’ve upset a big superpower*. It’s going to be an all out war. Ria and Ronald say this is the end of the world. Dad says it’ll be fine. I wish I could be as calm as him.

On a different note, everybody watched a baseball game. I didn’t have to go. I sat and brushed the hair of the toy horse we’re gifting to Poppy. She’s turning eleven and loves horses.

We were playing board games until Dad ran up and announced the *news about the political situation*. I always wanted to move, but not as refugees. I hope we don’t have to. But maybe I should pack a bag in case.

. . .

I’m back to my old ways. I’ve been trying to drown out my family by using music. I haven’t taken out my earbuds in hours. I’m scared to. Plus, the need to die has come back. I have enough pills to do it. But I’m worried that it won’t work. I’ve been looking on Amazon to see if I can buy something to hide pills in. That way I have the option to die at school next year.

Chapter Text

22/6/25

Hello Ami,

So I may have overreacted yesterday. Anyhow, Ria and Ronald left after church and brunch. I gave them a year one Spanish textbook to see if Kathy likes it. She’s going to be thirteen and her interests are reading and such. But Kathy’s temperamental about gifts.

Ria also gave me about *a good book’s worth of money* and read chapter one and two of my story, Godless (the story I wrote about in this diary). She loved it despite the fact I’m in the middle of a plot upheaval. Yesterday night, I found out that I got into Christian camp. I’ll have to search for a good bible and modest swimsuit.

But as I was listening to music on the drive back from brunch, Mom and Dad started arguing. I have a dentist appointment tomorrow at 11:45. Mom booked it but can only drop me off. Elli will pick me up. Dad’s mad that she made it in the middle of the day on his busiest day. Mom’s mad at Dad being upset. I feel bad that they’re arguing because of me. But not too bad because they’re partly to blame for my two sided emotions, rage and neutrality and ecstasy (I use this word in a nonsexual way in my writings), to plague me. Plus, I’ll always side with Dad so I’m not torn with who to support. Mom’s great, she’s *spending time with me* this afternoon, but she’s not comforting at all.

. . .

[Passage redacted]. When we got back, Dad let me look for an Ancient Greek bible on EBay. I found one with an English translation by its side and we ordered it. Then Dad and I watched Death Note. It’s a murder anime I’ve watched and begged him to do the same. We got through two episodes. Dad said that he really enjoyed it. I really hope it’s true and he’s not just making me appeased.

Chapter Text

23/6/25

Hello Ami,

I went to the dentist today. She said that I had healthy gums but needed to floss more. She really laid into me for that. She told me and my mom to get a water flosser and to come back every three months. Mom lied and agreed. She’s going to switch my dentist. It’s time for me to see an adult one.

Elli drove me home and got McDonald’s. For dinner, Dad turned the leftovers into ‘stir fry’. It was really good. Then we watched more Death Note. He’s still loving it. The book, ‘The Tower of Babel’, came today. I plan to read it and give it to Dad to read next.

I’ve also been learning about Mormonism for a while. Today, I’ve been researching Jehovah’s Witnesses. I asked Mom about them which led to a discussion about the Holy Spirit. Many Pastors don’t give sermons about that. They only talk about a third of the Bible. Mom says that the Pastors are scared of the rest. She wants me to translate *the bible* from Ancient Greek. I’m more than willing. I just need more advanced Greek skills.

24/6/25

Hello Ami,

The cleaners came today. While they were here I finished another Hades run. I also plotted more of my story. Mom called me in the middle of the day. [Sentence redacted]. She’s filling out my camp forms. For the Christian camp she had to send in a photo of me. Mom sent one of me at the corn maze in a Camp Half-Blood shirt.

She also scheduled my yearly doctor’s appointment for this Friday. [Passage redacted]. Dad and I watched three more episodes of Death Note. He says that it’s the greatest.

. . .

PS: Jorge announced that he’s making a musical called Ilium. I’m going to audition!

Chapter Text

25/6/25

Hello Ami,

Mom’s still filling out my camp forms. She had me look at the *pride camp* ones to see if everything was correct. It was, but it got me thinking about my gender identity. Now, I wholeheartedly believe I’m a girl. I talk to you a lot about my love for femininity. But yet I feel safest using male pronouns.

From sixth grade up until last year, I used male pronouns for everything. Sometimes I would claim to be a boy named Carlos or Nelly (A play on my middle name that would make more sense with my real middle name). Even when Nymbus raped me as Carlos, they did it because I was biologically a girl. Every incident of rape I’ve run into was due to the girl in me.

I get sick thinking about going fully to the pronouns that I got raped under. So even though I’m a girl by body and mind, I plan to use He/Him at camp. Hopefully the people will understand that choice.

. . .

I should probably tell you why I told you about the thing above. Since first grade, I’ve had both nightmares and dreams about all that I’ve been through. Yesterday night I had a dream. I was back at *my old middle school* at an assembly. My friends and enemies were in the bleachers. I looked as I do now, but they called me Carlos, and a boy.

Zoroni, a controversial friend I made (long story), walked into the room. They were hated by my friend group but I saw them as kind. Zoroni took a seat next to a teacher. I wasn’t allowed to sit next to them. Ember, an old *middle school* friend, warns me to choose my seat carefully. But the only seat open is next to Nymbus. It felt like I was truly back at *middle school*. The same chaotic stress of hiding myself from the world flooded me. Panic. Survival.

I take the seat next to Nymbus and their friends. Nymbus glances at me and gets ready to touch me. But then their friends step in. They start to talk to me and get to know the ‘boy’ sitting next to them. If I was a girl by pronouns, Nymbus would’ve been able to break my body. They wouldn’t have hesitated.

Nymbus was a trans girl and thought that I didn’t respect the body they so desired. So they tried to break it. If they couldn’t have it, then nobody else could. Nymbus also made sure to convince me I was a whore and a slut for keeping my body away from them. They made certain that I was unable to enjoy my body. Their goal was to break the body and get me to mutilate the rest. Guess who got their way. I wish that dream and my broken body could switch realities. That’s wwhy I’m going to be a ‘He’ at camp.

. . .

I’m back from youth group. We got Indian food before that from *an amazing restaurant*. At youth group, I saw Everia, my old best friend. We caught up. Turns out she’s a church person now and will get baptized soon. The person who gave the sermon was Dayton. He’s a junior priest and is going to major in the Bible at Bethel college.

I go by Nel at youth group, meaning I had to tell Everia to not call me Lacey. My peers thought Nel was a unique name (makes more sense with my real middle name). They don’t know it’s *from a different language*.

When I got home I started to think about camp again. At the first *pride camp* (this year is my third year going to that particular camp), I went by Carlos. At the second one, I went by Nelly. Isaak (a kid with the same name as my Greek neighbor) from camp one and Oliver (a kid with the same name as Kizut’s boyfriend) from camp two are returning.

I don’t know which name to go by. It feels like I’m betraying Isaak and Oliver by picking a name. I feel closest to Carlos but I was also raped under that name. I don’t like Nelly but I was happy with that name. I’ve been thinking about not using either and going with Odie, like Odysseus.

Chapter Text

26/6/25

Hello Ami,

Mom worked from home today. She had to do a meeting with Kory about [name redacted], a charity that wants to cure lung cancer. Their gala is called [name redacted] but Kory wants to change it to something with the word ‘hope’. Mam and Dad like the slogan ‘ignite hope, extinguish cancer’, but that sounds like your lighting a cigarette.

Dad made a Ruben for dinner. It wasn’t the best. Mom *spent time with me* for an hour. [Passage redacted]. I also decided to go by Nelly at camp. Also, my Ancient Greek Bible came today. It’s in such good condition.

27/6/25

Hello Ami,

For breakfast, Dad made me butter hashbrowns, an over-easy egg and sausage. We then went shopping for BLT ingredients. Dad asked if I wanted to look at anything else and I said swimsuits. We looked at girl ones but they had so many slits cut out (Christian camp doesn’t allow non one pieces). I ended up getting boy swim trunks and a swim shirt. Dad and I went home and watched five or so more episodes of Death Note.

Then Mom took me to my yearly checkup. The nurse weighed be at *a weight low for my age*. She then did a hearing test. The headphones weren’t working so she used a different tool. The results were normal. Then the doctor came in. She filled out my camp health forms. But she was worried about my weight. I was at the bottom percentile of girls my age. *That weight combined with my age and height* wasn’t good. She told me to eat more. I already eat a lot. Then she wanted to take a blood draw. When I was five, I had an IV that nobody could get in (this was after a surgery). It gave me a fear of needles. But I said yes.

The lab lady did all this fancy stuff before she put the needle into my left arm. But it didn’t get enough so she also did my right arm. Then she bandaged me up and we left. Mom said that I could get anything at the movie for being so stoic.

Dad made BLTs for dinner. I really enjoyed mine. I’ve also concluded that I’m genderfluid, bigender to be specific. I’ve always thought of myself as transgender. But being bigender makes sense. Kindergarten to fourth grade was when I was a girl. Fifth and sixth grade was gender disphoria. Seventh and eighth grade was a boy. *From that point on I was a girl* (but Phoebe egged it on partially). Now I feel like I’m both at the same time. It’s weird.

. . .

I got back from the movie Elio. It was awesome! I had my doubts but it didn’t disappoint. I cried three times during it. I also got ice cream. Mom says that I’ll be the final say with food. I get to choose when we eat tomorrow, not Elli!

I’ve also been thinking about using IPA to write to you. That and Greek I’ll use. I want a bit more privacy. Plus I can’t spell.

Chapter Text

28/6/25

Γεια Αμη,

My Mom, Kruse, Elli and I went shopping. Elli only went to one store with us. He went to the Pride Parade with Sebastian, his boyfriend, and other friends. We, without Elli, looked for clothes for me. I got a dress and two shirts, one was Hazbin Hotel. I also got Arby’s for dinner and Shake Shack for lunch. My mom wanted me to eat more. Mom took me to Target to get some frozen food.

I got home and played the video game, Hades, for a while. Mom and Dad went out for dinner with Artemis and Martin. I was at home looking for my camp pins. I found them inside my camp backpack. Goodness, it isn’t fun to do this. At camp, I want to write to you in English.

Chapter Text

29/6/25

Γεια Αμη,

I’ve decided to hold off talking to you in Greek. I’ll do it when I’m better at it. You deserve something more than stiff, non grammatical Greek writing. It was a nice sentiment though.

We went to church again. The pastor started a new series where we go over the book of James. The series would be fine if the words of James were correct. They translated the Ancient Greek wrong.

Anyways, the pastor gave a story of how his daughter had dislocated (or something) her hip by ninety percent. She had to have two surgeries and was in bed for three months. She had a machine to move her leg around during recovery. The pastor wanted pity. He got none from me. I’ve had at least four major surgeries (many surgeries of mine are undocumented) all before I was nine. Nobody cared! But he’s also a father looking out for his kid. I’ll give him a pass.

After church, Mom and Dad took me to the Pride Festival. I was wearing my new Hazbin Hotel shirt and my new red skirt. There were men with no shirts and women with muzzles *attached to their belts*. Dad was a bit uncomfortable and thought it looked like a [insult redacted].

I got a cool art print of the gender sign (the thing on the intersex flag) and a tiny crocheted chicken (it’s actually a pigeon) keychain. I named the *pigeon* Achilles. I also got a banana piña colada smoothie. Mom got a *corn dog*. Dad and I shared a paella and a gyro.

At home, I played Hades some more. Mom and Dad went to an engagement party. Dave (not the Dave from previous entries), Artemis’s kid, is getting married to Mary. Dad came home later and watched more Death Note. Mom printed the sheet I need to [passage redacted].

. . .

I’ve begun to listen to the song ‘Running Up That Hill’ by Kate Bush again. It reminds me of the summer we met. It was in Stranger Things season four, the one that came out during camp. Every time I listen to it I think of my love for you.

Chapter Text

30/6/25

Γεια Αμη,

[Passage redacted]. Mom and Dad then drove me to *a restaurant* for Mexican food. We had a good time. When we were going home, Mom was joking with Dad. When Mom was in labor with Elli, the nurse kept asking if she smoked. Mom truthfully denied it. But the nurse didn’t believe her until she delivered the placenta. Turns out Dad smoked back then. His scent was on Mom.

She began to berate him for this, which happened *a lifetime ago*. Dad thought it was so funny that he’ll send a letter to *a podcast he likes* describing it. I’ll have to remind him to do that tomorrow.

Mom also looked at my results from the blood draw. I have high cholesterol and low iron. I need a tweaked diet and more exercise. But something I forgot to mention is that Mom is allowing me to get my hair dyed. I’ll have to figure out what color to do.

1/7/25

Γεια Αμη,

Today was pretty uneventful. I got further in Hades. I watched Hermitcraft raise money for ‘Gamer’s Outreach’. They raised eight hundred thousand dollars in put gaming consoles in children’s hospitals. Then I made a rainbow bead bracelet for camp.

Dad made hamburger mac and cheese. He and I watched three more Death Note episodes. [Sentence redacted]. I’m also still attempting to redesign my story’s plot. I like to listen to music to go with it. Turns out that Hades, the video game, has a great soundtrack.

2/7/25

Γεια Αμη,

I got Persephone back to the underworld in Hades! I’m making great progress. I’ve also been thinking about my story’s plot. It’s going to explore the idea that the gods are suicidal.

Dad made Chinese food tonight. We didn’t have a steamer so he had to get creative. I’m going to breakfast and *shopping* with him tomorrow.

I shared a fun grammar fact at dinner with Mom and Dad. Dad thought it was interesting. However, Mom said that I was wrong. I wasn’t. I had to bite my tongue so I didn’t make her mad.

But other than that, I’ve just been chilling in my bedroom.

Chapter Text

3/7/25

Γεια Ami,

Dad took me out to breakfast. I got a skillet but I received an omelet. Dad told the waiter and she fixed it. She also made my meal free. We then went to *a store*. He bought me a foldable outdoor rocking chair. I put it in my room.

For most of the day Mom was out getting her hair done. Dad was buying *stuff*. I was just playing Hades in my new chair. I had Dad make BLTs again. He’s going to smoke meat all week.

I also watched the movie ‘Suzume’ with them. I loved it by the end of it. I was just praying that they would too. Dad was very interested in it. But Mom took a call with Elli in the middle of it. What does that say about how she felt? Elli is always more important than anything I can give Mom. She loves him so much more than me.

4/7/25

Γεια Αμι,

[Passage redacted]. They get me to help out. I don’t like working outside but I didn’t complain. Dad poked fun at the fact that I was being lazy and Mom agreed. Truthfully, I was a bit “lazy” because I was thinking about my story. When I told them this, Mom “wanted” to hear my thoughts. I refused to let her. She’ll just tear it apart. Dad could sense I was angry. I start to whisper when my emotions run faster than my brain.

I ended up going back inside shortly after that. I hate *today*. It’s so loud and everybody wants me to *do things I don’t want to*. First of all, I’m autistic and loud noises are hellish to me. Second, [words redacted].

I wasn’t born here. I was born in China. The only reason I’m here is because two *people* decided that they wanted to adopt a Chinese girl. I owe *my country* no allegiance of mine. All it’s done for me is strip away my language and let two rapists battle over my spoils. Even other immigrant kids have called me dirty words like ‘communist’ and ‘neo nazi’. I wanted to tear down the kids who really believe that I’m a biological terrorist.

. . .

I started to read ‘The Tower of Babel’. I only have a hundred pages left. The guests came over at six. Everia and I ate together.

She told me that, Eddie, her boyfriend, had his phone taken away for a month. Also, she’s leaving for camp in two days. We shared stuff about our school gossip. I talked about Bella, the girl at the mental hospital, and Phoebe, the girl who pleasures herself in class. Everia talked about the douchebag who (she’d actually murder me if I said what she told me so . . .) [Passage redacted]. I finished it out by talking about how Nymbus would sexually assault me me in seventh grade and how I had to be nude (a vast understatement) at *my elementary school*.

I also picked up drawing again. My style is a mix of anime and colorful chaos. Anyways, Everia and I went downstairs to find Elli and his boyfriend, Sebastian. Elli gave him a grand tour of our house [Passage redacted].

After, my family talked to Sebastian. He was very personable. He also looks like Viktor from Arcane (and a bit like Wybie from Coraline) when he’s Jesus (the god of his commune).

Chapter Text

5/7/25

Γεια Ami,

I woke up at ten thirty today. Dad said that I could get a new mattress today so we got my old one into his car. Mom, Kruse, Elli and I went to *a furniture store* to shop for a new mattress. I found a good firm one for *a discounted price*. We bought it but it has to be picked up tomorrow. I don’t have a bed tonight. I’ll sleep in my new chair.

Elli found an adjustable barstool for *very little money*. But then it rang up as *even less money* so Elli got it for dirt cheap. He also wanted a second one to finish furnishing his apartment. We drove to *a different store* to get it. Elli set them up in his apartment before we continued to shop.

We also had lunch at *a fried chicken restaurant*. It has my favorite chicken nuggets ever. The last shop was *a lotion store*. Everything was seventy five percent off. I got a cool hand sanitizer holder for school. I forgot, before we went there, we went to *a sports store*. [Sentence redacted]. *Kruse* got tennis balls and I got two pairs of boy shorts.

Dad smoked us some ribs for dinner. They were good. However, Kruse and Mom kept talking about the *old political drama*. They feel bad that the children (they’re adults) are now parentless. I don’t care. My biological parents abandoned me days after my birth. They didn’t want a girl with a cleft lip and palate (it’s a face deformity). They didn’t name me or leave any record of my birthday. The orphanage had to do that. But Mom and Kruse don’t care. They don’t pity me. So why can they pity strangers if they can’t with their own daughter? That’s why I hate *the political chaos*. They get from strangers what I want from my parents. How’s that fair? I’ll tell you! It’s not!

6/7/25

Γεια Ami,

Not much happened today so I’ll keep it light. I slept in the chair last night. It was so uncomfortable so I really just slept on the floor. Dad went golfing so Mom and I watched a church sermon from home.

Then we went *shopping* and I got new *undergarments*. We got home and Dad gave me my new mattress. It’s so nice. Mom made Dad’s birthday cake and I made sugar cookies. Mom took me on a short bike ride before Dad and I watched more Death Note episodes.

7/7/25

Γεια Ami,

My new mattress is so nice. I slept for ten hours. I would’ve more but Lenie, my friend who was in my geometry class (and who I talked about stressing out in finals week), texted me her schedule for next year. Since Lenie’s a grade above me, we don’t have many possibilities for shared classes. We only have algebra two together.

For the rest of the day I just watched YouTube and played Hades. I also *made more angst fanfictions*. A year ago, I made a set of characters to hurt so I didn’t have to hurt real people (or my favorite characters). [Passage redacted]. One of the YouTuber I watch made a video stating that “everybody supports the victim until the victim isn’t a fully functioning member of society”. I feel that’s true. I feel the urge to hurt people because two people hurt me. However, I bet that very few people will sympathize with me if they see me break a girl’s leg, fictional or not. But enough with that stuff.

Dad made chicken cordon bleu. After we ate the cake Mom made for Dad. Mom started to clean up the kitchen so I was chatting with her about my story. But Mom always has something depressing to say. She talked about [name redacted], a girl at my school who’s a year younger than me. She apparently went missing. That makes one missing and three dead. Only one of the dead was an adult.

Chapter Text

8/7/25

Γεια Ami,

Dad took me to Taco Bell for breakfast. He did it on the way to my orthodontist appointment. We had to wait fifteen minutes before they would see me. The orthodontist ended up giving me new rubber bands. She said that I could have only two more appointments before I get my braces off. I’ve had them since sixth grade. My next appointment is August nineteenth, 11:15 am. Dad got me McDonalds on the way back.

At home, I watched the movie K-pop Demon Hunters. I’m in love with the music. Jinu’s song (I mean Your Idol) and character is my favorite. We had chicken for dinner because Mom went to *a charity* meeting. Dad brought me to see the new Jurassic movie in the theater. It was awesome. The humor was great.

We also saw the teaser trailer for Christopher Nolan’s new Odyssey movie. Tom Holland plays Telemachus. It’s coming out next year on July seventeenth. I’m for sure seeing it. Plus, Dad challenged himself to read all my reading books from *last school year*. Dad doesn’t like to read. However, I still got to give him the Iliad to read, translated by Emily Wilson of course.

Mom also got me some uniform skirts for school. It’s discount we can get ten percent off. It’s also Prime Day, so Mom let me get some things. I got a “modest” swimsuit for Bible camp and a rainbow loom kit.

. . .

I forgot to mention that there was a flash flood in Texas. A whole girls’ camp was swept away by it. Deaths are still being counted.

9/7/25

Γεια Ami,

My teeth are hurting because my braces got tightened yesterday. I’ve decided to write a different story. It’s called ‘Kinship’ (don’t worry Pidge, I’m working on a story currently with both this new plat AND the old one you liked). I haven’t told Mom and Dad because they tend to suck the joy out of writing.

Jorge released a new video today. It’s him making puns about the word ‘Iliad’. [Passage redacted]. Dad made pulled pork paninis. Mom talked about how her office flooded yesterday. Elli came over for dinner and to show us his new golf bag. He and Kruse went golfing today.

Dad dropped me off at youth group because Mom had to go to a woman’s surprise birthday party. The sermon was about money. It started as a talk about putting money above god. However, by the end of it, it was about how god “wants” you to tithe ten percent of your income to the church. Now, I’m all for donating to charity, but not to church. In my small group we had to pray for Ava and Brynn who are going to Guatemala on a mission trip.

Also, Helga, the girl who watched me get raped in kindergarten and laughed, was in my small group. Then three other girls approached me laughing and asked for my name in a condescending tone. I told them and they laughed and walked away. I told Dad about them and he said that I was overreacting. They just wanted a new friend. Nobody has bad intentions at church. He’s wrong. There is plenty of evil at church.

Chapter Text

10/7/25

Γεια Ami,

Today was Dad’s birthday. He turned [age redacted] today. I made him a birthday card this morning.

I started to plot and make an outline for ‘Kinship’. It feels refreshing to go back to what I know. I was getting molested by Nymbus while I first created it (the original draft of the story), sure, but it’s what I grew up with. The only way to describe it is when a knight comes back from battle. They feel relieved to take their heavy armor off, it means no more violence, but it makes them feel exposed. They want to feel protected again, so they put it back on. That’s how ‘Kinship’ makes me feel.

Anyhow, Dad took me to *a cheesesteak restaurant* at 4:30. I got a south Philly. Dad left me with Mom because he had to go to *a charity* meeting. Mom took me to *a local ice cream shop*. However, I ended up getting some fizzy candy. Right now I’m watching the new season of Miraculous Ladybug and Chat Noir.

But I thought that I should also mention that this is the last page of this journal. I’ll be continuing you in one that Mom gave me. Don’t worry, I’ve already decorated it with dino stickers. You’ll be so pretty! But for now, goodbye Ami. I’ll see you on the other side; I promise.

Chapter Text

11/7/25

Γεια Ami,

My Amazon order came today. I got my “modest” swimsuit and my rainbow loom kit. Dad and I went grocery shopping at *a store*. Then he took me to watch the Superman movie. The actor is so hot! [Passage redacted]. Overall, it was a fun movie to watch. I, of course, read a lot of Superman fanfiction when I got home.

For dinner, Dad made kielbasa with hotdog buns, tomato sauce and cheese. It wasn’t very good. After dinner, Mom and Dad’s message lady, Gaby, came over.

Mom is getting her message as I write this. So once the lady came over, I started to use my rainbow loom to make bracelets. I showed Dad and he asked me to make him one in the colors of his favorite football (soccer) team, red and blue. I should get to doing that.

Chapter Text

12/7/25

Γεια Ami,

Mom woke me up at 8:00 AM so we could volunteer. I gave Dad the bracelet that I made and he loved it. At 8:30, we went to the *a shop’s* parking lot to help the charity. It’s called [name redacted] and they build wooden bunk beds for kids without beds.

The charity workers put Mom and I on the power bit. Dad was doing sanding and when Gege came he was on assembly. The church group that came to help was so slow with the sanding. Plus, the volunteers thought I was stupid so they over-explained how to drill into the wood.

By our lunch break, I was so done. But we still had an hour of work left. A different church group came to replace the old one and Dad placed us on sanding. Gege had to leave because he was going to meet Parvati from ‘Survivor’ at *a mall*. We were so much faster at sanding than the church group was. At 1:00 PM, we left and Mom and Dad went to Ralph’s daughter’s grad party. I was at home playing Hades.

For dinner, Mom, Dad Gege, his boyfriend Sebastian and I went to [name redacted]. It’s a supper club. I wore my all white skirt there. I really wanted to get Sebastian to like me. I think it’s because my friends don’t. I really do need better friends. The food was good. But today I’ve been thinking about something new. I think that death must be so pretty and blissful if it makes people stay. It has both Arthur and Kizut captive. What wonders are such that people want to die? I wish to die. Not in a suicidal way, not anymore, but in a way of longing.

13/7/25

Γεια Ami,

For breakfast I tried an everything bagel. I really enjoyed it. Mom, Dad and I went to church. There was a guest speaker, Riri. Mom recognized her as the singer at [name redacted], a church we used to go to. Mom says that she has spunk. This summer, our church is talking about the book of James. They’re also doing a thing where they get a fancy car each week to take pictures of.

Dad has a buddy at the sports card shop he goes to that has fancy cars. Dad asked him if he wanted to bring one to the church. The guy refused. He said that a few weeks ago, a mom with a crying baby was asked to leave in front of the whole church. She left but was found crying in the lobby.

The guy, as a dad himself, was outraged and said: “would Jesus have stopped the sermon on the mount if there was a crying baby?”. He sent an email to the pastor explaining this and got a reply. Turns out there’s a button the pastor presses to have a volunteer quietly remove a crying baby. He pressed it three times with no effect. Thus, he had to single the mother out.

Anyways, I cleaned out my paint bin in the garage. I’m donating most of it but made a rainbow painting with the rest. Then Dad made curry fried rice for dinner. It was amazing!

Chapter Text

14/7/25

Γεια Ami,

I was watching YouTube when I saw a video on bookbinding. It looked easy enough so I tried it. I had a text block from an Esperanto book where the cover fell off. Months ago I tried and failed to give it a new cover. But today I managed to do it. It’s not pretty and is held together by tape but it’s complete.

I also made a lollipop using only rainbow loom. Dad got home and made game and cheese sliders. [Passage redacted]

15/7/25

Γεια Ami,

I was reading ‘Yuri on Ice’ fanfiction. Victoria Nikiforov is my favorite. [Sentence redacted]. That was all I did today. We, Elli included, went to *a wings restaurant* for dinner. It was pouring rain so I got soaked. Mom was complaining about how the worker who was supposed to fix the flooding in her office thought she was just a hysterical woman. She then made Dad tell Elli about the political board meeting. Dad has a job in politics so he talked for over ten minutes, much over. I wasn’t able to talk that dinner.

But Ami, there’s a few things that I want to tell you. First, I know that what I’m writing about makes me sound like I’m numb. I’m not. I know, deep down, that you can’t judge me. However, it still feels like you can’t. It’s going to take a lot to get that out of my head. So let me tell you that all my emotions are much more saturated than these pages let on.

Second, u think I can’t stand myself. When I look in the mirror all I can see is a mask or a stranger. It’s beyond body dysmorphia at this point. Like whenever other people experience more than one emotion at a time, it’s beautiful. But when I do it, it feels horrid. It,s this ugly brown, not a beautiful spectrum of colors. Sometimes it feels like every person I’ve ever been in lurking inside me. They’re all fighting to be the frontman.

Third, I can’t wait to go to camp, I want to finally feel like I’m not second place. I’m so tired of feeling sad. Sure, camp is just paying people to like you. But I’ve yet to find another way to get somebody to do it naturally. They love what gifts I bring, not that I showed up.

Chapter Text

Hello Will and Loki,

I'm starting to write this on the seventh of November, 2025. I thought it was necessary to tell you a bit about my family background. This is the date I chose to write this under. Let me begin:

To start, my great grandfather on my Dad’s mom’s side served in World War Two. We call him [name redacted]. He was in the 101st and flew into Utah beach on a glider. During one of his battles, he was short in the eye. He fell into the snow covering the ground. If it weren’t for the snow, he would’ve died. His eye got taken out so most pictures we have of him are with an eyepatch. Our family is German-Jewish but he fought for America, if you didn’t already pick up on that.

Mom’s great grandfather also served in the military at a point. He was an ambulance driver during World War One. After the war was over, he stayed in Europe. He was an artist. He sketched many famous European monuments. We have them all hung up on the wall and dated.

My mom was raised by *Kruse’s real name*, I call her Kruse, and [name redacted], we call him Papa, who has passed away. Mom has a younger brother, Bruse, whom we don’t see very often. Even when we do see him, it’s at a distance with no love involved. They grew up as young kids in a trailer park. Kruse and Papa weren’t well off. They then moved to [town redacted] where they got a small, but larger house. Papa worked as a teacher and a gymnastic coach. Kruse worked as a school para anda tennis coach.

Dad lived in [location redacted] up until his teen years. He has a younger brother, Ben. Dad’s mother, [name redacted] is her first name but we call her Ria, was a nurse anesthetist. She was the one to put you to sleep before surgeries. Ronald, whom we call Gramps, was a teacher. They ended up moving here into *where we live* for Ria’s job. Dad told me that he threw a fit about it.

Mom and Dad met in Spanish class. Dad’s two years younger than Mom, but he’s smart so he was bumped up to her classes’ levels. The very first thing my Mom asked Dad was ‘say yabadabadoo’. Of course, my Dad obliged. Dad then waited for the last day of school to ask Mom out. He gave her a love letter and ran.

The rest is history. Mom and Dad got married in [year redacted]. Mom took Dad’s last name and left her maiden name of [name redacted]. Mark married a woman named [name redacted]. She was a drug addict. They had my cousin, Indigo, together before divorcing. Bruse then moved onto a lovely woman named Johanna. She had a boy, Henry, at a very young age with another man. Bruse and Johanna had the rest of my cousins on that side, Jason and Jade, together. Ben married a woman named Melissa. Ben was in a bad car accident that paralyzed his right arm. He now lives with chronic pain. He used to be a truck driver, it was the only job he could do with his disability, but he’s since quit. He gets government money now. Melissa works as a dental hygienist. They have two girls, Kathy and Poppy. They’re my younger cousins. Even though Ben and Mel (Melissa) are held up by government aid, they still send the girls to private school to learn about religion.

Now let’s circle back to my immediate family. My older brother, Elli Ronald Spears was born on [birthday redacted]. He was parents’ pride and joy after years of infertility. He lived the average life of a boy in the early two thousands. The only thing of note is that he was always exceptionally gifted at math and science. He also came out as gay at one of my young birthday parties. All but Ria and Ronald were accepting.

Mom and Dad loved Elli, but knew that they wanted one more child. However, Mom had had a hard enough time conceiving Elli. They decided that they were going to adopt. They really wanted a girl. Dad came to Mom with the want of getting a girl from China. Girls are undervalued there. And that’s how they wound up on the waiting list to adopt a newborn girl from China.

Then it’s [year redacted]. My parents had spent years waiting for a newborn. According to them, they had only gotten halfway through the list in eight-ish years. They didn’t want to wait any longer for a child. So they decided to switch to the non-newborn waiting list. They had to fill out several forms about what kinds of children they would accept. You could choose the disabilities you didn’t want or did want. Within a few weeks, they get a call about a possible child. It was a girl who had a cleft lip and pallet. It’s a face defect that occurs when your skull doesn’t fuse right. Your upper lip isn’t split in two and the roof of your mouth doesn’t exist. That girl whom they got a call about was me. Before I continue with the information that Mom and Dad got about me, let me tell you about why I was an orphan.

I was born when the one child policy was still in place. It stated that Chinese citizens could only have one child per family. If you wanted more than one, you would have to pay a large fee and you would lose your job. In China, everybody wanted a son, not a daughter. Abortion is illegal in China. But even so, doctors also wouldn’t let you know the gender of your child until birth. Many girl got abandoned because of this. My biological parents had me and abandoned me at the hospital. I can only assume that it was because they didn’t want a girl with a face defect. It would cost money to fix and I was already a dishonor. They left so fast that when I was found, I didn’t even have a birth certificate or a name. I was put in the newspaper to see if anybody wanted to claim me. Nobody did. I was sent to an orphanage in another province where I was given a birthday, a birth certificate and a name. They were also the ones that had to get my face deformity gone via surgery.

Back to my adoptive parents. The information they got about me was my weight, age and personality. I was a shy girl who would only open up to people once I had known them for a while. They were told about how I was abandoned shortly after birth and the fact that I had no real birthday. The orphanage also explained the choice of my name, Nel. All children taken in within the same year get the same last nome. For my year, it was *Nel*. Then for the first name, they give it to you based on personality. [actual first name redacted], as I’m told, means warrior. I don’t know what warrior the orphanage saw in me, but to each their own.

Of course, Mom and Dad immediately fell in love with me. They booked the earliest flight to China they could get. It was right before Christmas. There, they met many others who were adopting children. Many had disabilities or were girls. China is a cruel country to those that aren’t the norm. My gacha day, the date I was adopted, is [date redacted]. My parents took me back to the USA right before Christmas Eve. There I was given the American name of Lacey. My parents also opted to redo the surgery on my face. The one that China did was a very old fashioned procedure.

From there I would go on to forget all about my culture and language. I’m still trying to grasp at fragile strings for something to hold onto. On one hand, I want to embrace the culture that I came from. I was born in it and knew the language at one point, but now it’s all slipping away. I feel such sadness that all I have left is my broken comprehension of Mandarin. However, part of me wants to completely disregard my heritage. I was abandoned in that country because of that country. Why should I glorify that place by embracing what it gave me? I don’t know what to do. I’m torn.

Chapter Text

16/7/25

Γεια Ami,

The fandom I found today is ‘Alien Stage’. I’ve seen edits of it forever so I decided to watch it. Alien Stage is a YouTube series about humans who are forced to sing. I swear it’s better than I make it sound! Luka is my favorite character. I’ve been reading fan fiction about him. The YouTuber reactor, Danny Motta, reacted to Alien Stage in a video. I loved hearing him talk about it.

Dinner was turkey and pesto sandwiches and broccoli soup. I didn’t really like it. Mom’s car is also broken again. The muffler pipe is dragging. At youth group, we talked about what we could give to god. My small group only had seven girls in total and Everia was back from camp. I felt more comfortable like this than the usual youth group. Our leader, Jessie, wanted all of us to go to church camp. The other girls said yes but I didn’t. It’d be the week before my other two. Three in a row? No way!

17/7/25

Γεια Ami,

Mom worked from home because her car is broken. Her driver stick doesn’t work, not the muffler. I decided to make *stories in my head* about Luka from Alien Stage for me. My favorite songs from Alien Stage are ‘Ruler of My Heart’ and ‘Blink Gone’.

For dinner, Mom drove Dad’s car to *an upscale restaurant*. I had a good pasta dish. Ah, and before dinner, I drew a picture in my sketchbook. It’s of Nymbus and the symbols I think of when I think of them. But it’s still a PG drawing because I want to draw at camp. After dinner, we all got ice cream at *a local ice cream place*. At home, Mom and I ordered a better skirt for school (the others are too long) and some black mesh tights too.

18/7/25

Γεια Ami,

I decorated my sketchbook with post it notes. I covered up bad drawings and the gun I drew. Mom got another rental car. I was at home playing Hades. Mom took me on a mile long walk. Then Dad and Mom took me to *a Japanese restaurant*. I got brown sugar milk tea and chicken fried rice.

Afterwards, we went to *a liquor store* to pick out liquor for our upcoming Creole dinner. Last year, Mom met a Somalié, Kel, who helped pick the wine. Mom found him again and they got chatting about wine. He’s nice. Dad’s also making me Tino do Verano for the dinner. More than [price redacted] were spent in *the store*.

Chapter Text

19/7/25

Γεια Ami,

Mom, Dad and I went to the farmers’ market this morning. Dad and I got breakfast brott wraps and Mom got a crêpe. We bought some vegetables and I also got an egg roll. Then Mom, Kruse, Elli and I went shopping at *a discount store*. Elli, as usual, was late. Then Kruse gave me a scrapbook she made of my adoption. I would like to forget some of it. We went to *a store* and I got art supplies. However, I forgot to get any breakfast food. After that, we stopped at *a fast food place* to get me dinner. Mom and Dad are going to our neighbor’s, Lay, 60th B-day.

PS: It’s Lacey turning 40, not Lay, opps

When I got home, I found my old scrapbooks and looked through them. I also got Mom to watch an episode of Alien Stage. Dad was busy making ratatouille for Lay’s gathering. Also, my Amazon package arrived. It’s the skirt and tights. I tried them on and looked adorable in it. Side note, but I’m thinking of getting whitening strips once my braces are off.

Ok, I’ve been stalling this for a couple of days, but I need to get this off my chest. I’ve had moments where I find myself loathing you, Ami. I feel held down by this obligation to write to you everyday and to make each entry oozing with passion. I don’t want to hate you! Thus, I’ve decided that maybe I should talk to you less. It’s the only solution I can think of. I’m so sorry.

20/7/25

Γεια Ami,

I went to church today and there was a guest speaker. He talked about obeying god. I liked his sermon. This morning I found out that Thea and Agnes, daughters of *Silvia and Isaak*, are almost dual citizens of Greece. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so happy for them. But I feel like I’ve been robbed. It’s my dream to live in Greece, not theirs. Thea refused to learn Greek as a child! Why do they get it, not me?!

In annoyance, I’ve decided to double down on my Greek study. I also ordered [item redacted] and an extra school skirt. Dad and I also discovered that I like to eat crab. For dinner, Dad made fajitas. It was hard to eat them. Then he and I watched three episodes of Death Note. After, Mom and I talked about the history of the Berlin Wall. I find history very interesting.

Chapter Text

This isn’t a real chapter. It’s just an update on this work. I’m going to be posting more, I swear. Currently, I’m in the middle of transferring all my entries (which were written on paper) into a diary app. Trust me, I know it’s a long wait, but it’ll be worth it once I can mass post. Sorry for the delay. I’d say give me until 29/11 at the most. All the best!

Chapter Text

21/7/25

Γεια Ami,

I didn’t do much of note today, Ami. I’ve been watching shows in Greek though. I also opened my time capsule from sixth grade and found my old iPod and vtech. [Passage redacted]. Dad made pasta salad for dinner.

22/7/25

Γεια Ami,

I watched some more shows in Greek. The cleaners came so I was just in my room. I tried to eat but I couldn’t stomach much. I might have an eating disorder. Mom got her car back today. Dad made BLTs for dinner. But I’ve been feeling sad as of late. I thought being numb was bad. However, sorrow is worse.

In an attempt to make myself smile I looked at the animal humane society. Ever since my cat died in February I’ve been plagued by a soft mourning. But I know that Mom and Dad don’t want another pet. So I began to look at cat robots. Maybe I’ll ask for one for Christmas. I hope that money can buy happiness.

. . .

It’s me again. I become so desperate as to pray. I just want my emotions to dull. I don’t write like it has, but this has been a long time in the making.

23/7/25

Γεια Ami,

I made myself mac and cheese for my meals. Most of it I threw away. I just watched some Greek shows. [Sentence redacted]. Mom and Dad took me to *a restaurant*. I got chicken wild rice soup. Then I went to youth group. The newborn that Benji got was there. Her name is Gia. Also, Benji and his wife got to witness Gia’s birth. Anyway, today was the seniors last sermon so he made it all about them. He said to not forget faith.

In small group, the two girls who went to Guatemala on a mission trip talked about their experience. However, they didn’t know what they were talking about. They thought that, because Guatemalan currency is weaker than USD, stuff there was more expensive. They said that Guatemala has no two story buildings, yet they stayed in a multiple story hotel. They couldn’t even pronounce the name Miguel correctly. Plus they didn’t know what an ‘ñ’ sounded like.

Chapter Text

24/7/25

Γεια Ami,

I made myself noodles for breakfast today. I watched shows, *made stories* and played Hades. For lunch I cooked mac and cheese. Dad made stir fry for dinner. I chatted with Mom about camp. Summer is getting repetitive and I’m doing nothing new. Sorry for the short entry (and also boring one).

25/7/25

Γεια Ami,

Mom was cleaning for tomorrow’s party. The window cleaners came. Dad took me shopping to get away. He also got his nose and ears waxed. We went to *a food market* and get a Ruben for lunch and Colorado peaches. Then we went to *a small store* for the rest. He also brought me to a good Asian store to grab snacks. By the time we got home, the tent for the party was set up.

I was on Instagram today and saw all the posts my friends are making. It’s them hanging out without me. God, am I that shitty to hang out with?! I’m also worried that at the *pride* camp, they’ll not let me be a boy due to my hair. Will they see me as a monster imitating an angel? To console myself, I asked Dad to get *a fast food restaurant* for dinner. He and Mom are going out to eat with friends.

26/7/25

Γεια Ami,

Mom was decorating for the Creole dinner. Sebastian and Elli came by to borrow Dad’s bike. Then, at eleven, Dad, Mom and I made tinto de verano for dinner. I fell in love with it in Spain. I was the one to think up everything. Dad also made hurricanes.

At two, the chiefs and Artemis got here. Artemis is Mom’s friend who’s helping with decorations. However, decorations were flying everywhere. Mom was getting quite mad. But it all worked out. At four, the party started. My tinto de verano was more popular than Dad’s hurricanes. His was too strong. My drink was gone by dinner’s end. I myself had three glasses.

My favorite foods were gumbo and jambalaya. There were so many little scenes I want to tell you. But I’m tired and writing them all would take dozens of pages. So let me reassure you that I had a great time.

. . .

I forgot to tell you that Dad gave a speech about *a breast cancer charity*. This dinner was possible due to them. Then a lung cancer survivor shared their story. Dad also kept calling lung cancer, breast cancer. This earned a well placed sex joke from the men.

Chapter Text

27/7/25

Γεια Ami,

Mom, Elli, Kruse and I went to *two stores*. I got long socks for camp and school supplies. We played scatagories and cranium when we got home.

In the morning, I had soaked strawberries in fizzy lemonade so I got to have that. I also had leftovers for dinner. Eight days until camp!

28/7/25

Γεια Ami,

I beat Hades on 32 heat at last. It only took me four tries. Mom had me pick out another school shirt. Mine are getting small. Also, I [phrase redacted]! I’m not underweight.

Dinner was more Creole leftovers. Right now I’m packing for camp. I need to separate my clothes by camp. My modest stuff for Bible camp. My gay stuff for *pride camp*.

29/7/25

Γεια Ami,

I finally got Hypnos’s bond in Hades. I also continued to pack for camp. Although, my cramps are bad today. [Passage redacted]. Dad set up a charcuterie board with meat and cheese. I really liked it. I also had lemonade.

Chapter Text

30/7/25

Γεια Ami,

I finished packing for camp today. I ended up with a small suitcase and a backpack. Apparently, there’s a formal dinner so I had to pack a dress. Dad left for Chicago this morning. He’s going to sell sports cards. I played Hades and *made stories* to entertain myself. Mom made spaghetti and meatballs for dinner.

To be truthful, I thought that I would end up dreading the Bible camp and being excited for the YMCA camp. But it’s the other way round. I think it’d be awfully cool to experience befriending religious people. My friends (if you can call them that) are atheists or just not into the gospel. It gets a little lonely with just you and your beliefs honestly. And it’s nothing against the YMCA, but I’m scared of it. What if the kids see me as a fraud? I don’t look like a boy yet I have the ego to claim boyhood? Skie raped me for my actions. I wonder if I’d let the campers punish me. Trans people are already so discriminated against. Who am I to just use pronouns as protection? I’m a bad person to point to when gender is brought up.

I can just imagine the campers shaming me for pretending to be trans. They don’t believe the tales I tell about why I chose to do this how I need to. They call me a liar, a whore, an attention seeker and a disgrace. They tell me to kill myself. I can hear myself agree.

31/7/25

Γεια Ami,

I’ve been allowing myself to indulge in Alien Stage. [Passage redacted]. I made mac-n-cheese for lunch. Mom made buttered noodles and chicken cordon bleu. After dinner, I talked Mom’s ear off about Alien Stage. She said that I should get Elli to watch it. But he hates men singing. Plus, he’ll just sit there and complain about the plot.

Dad called from Chicago. He talked about selling his sports cards. He also said that Chicago has the worst air pollution in the world today. *Where I live* has the third worst. Apparently, being outside for an hour here is the equivalent to smoking a pack of cigarettes.

Chapter Text

1/8/25

Γεια Ami,

Mom worked from home today. At two, we went to *a small boutique*. They had a sale that was four clothing pieces for a hundred dollars. I got some brown sweatpants and a black flannel. I was busying myself with Alien Stage *stories*. At five thirty, we went to Lay, our neighbor’s, b-day party. We got to have spicy paella. I also drank some sangria. However, I ran back home before they took a group picture.

2/8/25

Γεια Ami,

Mom, Kruse, Elli and I went to the Asian Mall. Elli was being needy, but that’s beside the point. Mom, Kruse and I got Korean corn dogs. Elli got a Korean beef dish. Then we went into an Asian beauty store. I found a hair mask. We also went shopping for food and I got a lot of Asian snacks for school. Elli insisted on buying mochi donuts so they got them. I got brown sugar milk tea.

We took a look at *a book store* too but found nothing. But then we went to *a sports store* (it’s not how you spell it). I went off looking for skirts. I found none but I did find a stuffed animal. It’s a weighted leaf slug. I named him ‘Κουτάβι’ or Puppy in Greek.

3/8/25

Γεια Ami,

Mom took me to an outdoor church. It was loud and hot. The kids taught us the gestures to a song. Mom and I didn’t like it. I then got a haircut. My hair finally looks cute. We also went to *a grocery store* to get food. At home, I took a bath to try out the hair mask. Elli came to the house to look for his old books. He wanted to sell them. However, we gave them away a year ago.

Dad came back from Chicago. He told us about how a friend of his was working with the creator of Pokémon. They’re making ‘Sumomon’. It sounds cool. Mom made her chili for dinner. She puts noodles in it and makes it soup. Dad and her also had some ‘*caramel* popcorn’. Then Dad and I watched three more episodes of Death Note.