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It wasn’t logical. He knew that. He was very good at knowing things some facts were just harder to know than others. Easy fact to know: the square root of 49 is 7. Hard fact to know: the world is real. Easy or hard to know both were true just one of them didn’t feel like it. He was Thomas’s logic so why couldn’t he believe things that he knew were true. He had been staring at a mirror shapeshift in trying to find a shape that felt like him for god knows how long. A notebook set to the side as he jots down another form failed. Maybe if he found the right form things would feel real again, maybe if he found the right form it would “I was jotting down the last form” instead of he. He dug his nails into his arm, it would reset when I shift back anyway. And it was gone, that feeling of I, that feeling of real, he wanted it back but his control was back and it wasn’t logical. He shifts back to his normal form. And throws himself back into his work at least that way he was useful. Plus he had no right to be feeling this way Patten was the one most effected he was barely even there. Time to plan for the next day. Realistically 10am breakfast, nothings real, then ideally some dishes and a trip to the store, your faking, after that some time to work on a video and some lunch, it’s your fault,
“Shut up!” I say pulling at my hair, not loud enough for anyone to hear. This voice is what makes hard facts hard. It’s not true. The world is real, he isn’t faking, and
ITS NOT MY FAULT. I didn’t say it out loud but the mind shakes its getting on toward bed time he just needs to finish the plans for the next day.
After lunch some laundry wound be nice and around that time he has a call scheduled with a friend. Work on the video till dinner then can start on that book, watch a few episodes on the shows they are watching and go to bed. Speaking of Logan falls into bed, not even terribly late but he is so ready to sleep. He can’t feel bad if he is asleep. You're faking,you were able to get through all of that with out this your faking this. Maybe he’ll play some music to drown it out. He puts some on and falls into bed, it works ok. Oh he didn’t change, or brush his teeth, or eat dinner. He can’t find it in him to care as sleep takes him under.
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It had been hard for all recently. It is movie night and since patten is not doing great I got stuck with getting everybody down for it. Roman was easy so was mister raccoon. I got Remus as well so now it was just Logan who’s door was last in the hallway. I knock twice and wait for a response but hear nothing. I open the door to see Logan asleep in bed with music playing and clear desk. Since he is asleep I decide to snoop a bit mostly because Logan’s desk generally has something on it, a book, stacks of paper, sticky notes, something. So I check the drawers to find sloppily put it papers with all the work done but without the normal level of detail he puts into these things. Weird enough but the guy passed out in a TIE, the Logan takes pride in those things. Unsurprisingly given everything the shower has a thick layer of dusk on it. No one is doing well and if he doesn’t want people to know I’ll keep it to myself. Need to keep an eye on it though not my business how he deals with things unless it doesn’t work.
“Logan” I say at a loudish volume. I hear a groan in reply
“It’s movie night” I explain he sits up and puts his glasses back on
“I’ll be right down” he assures me I look him up and down and turn away not my business..
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Of course it had to be movie night. Logan was having a hard time keeping track of time. He shifts twice to get to a pristine version of his current form and gets up to go to join the others. He feels dizzy and light headed but after a little bit of time he manages to walk down the hallway and make it to the couch.
“ Hey Lo!” Remus says
“ your spot is ready in the blanket fort” Roman adds finishing conversation of said fort. Logan smiles and sits down. Janas starts the movie, beauty and the beast, and they all bicker over it.
“Ah yes Stockholm syndrome”
“It is not!”
And Logan was happy, real happy. Now he was back up in his room and he wondered how that could ever be the case he brushes his teeth and tries to fall asleep music playing to avoid everything yet it still won’t stop as thoughts swirl in his mind. Trying to remind himself of what is true. He knows when it happened but he doesn’t know if he felt like this before. Eventually sleep takes him