Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Passed out?

Tsukasa isn't perfect…

So that whole thing was just a fever dream..

A stupid, STUPID FEVER DREAM!!!

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Tsukasa roused from sleep, laying on the soft grass of the SEKAI. He gently rises from the ground, eyes making sense of his surroundings.

That’s right, he was in the SEKAI… But what happened anyway..?

All he can remember are the words ’you’re pushing yourself too hard…’ and whoever had told him that?

They were right/////////
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The blond sighs, taking in the concerned faces of his troupe members. He didn’t-…mean to scare them…
Emu, the ever cheerful one, speaks up first, voice tentative with fear. “How-...How are you feeling, Tsukasa-kun?”
Tsukasa's eyes bore into the girl’s, disoriented and a bit dizzy too. “...I feel great…” Liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar li-
“Liar,” blurts Rui, his concern as clear as day. He sits down next to the feverish boy and observes Tsukasa for a moment…
“It doesn't matter…” And for a second, he can feel his insides falling apart. And the next second? He can feel the whole SEKAI crumbling…
So just disappear again and again and again and again and
again and again and
again and again and
again and again and
again and again and
again and again and
again and again and
again and again and
again and again and
again and again and
again and again and
again and again and
again and again and
again and again and
again and again and —

Until you get it right
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He bites the inside of his cheek, looking away. He can feel his breath coming out in soft pants. He feels hot, and his hands feel like the icicles that cling to the roof of his house.
“I should go…” he states, shaking like a leaf caught in a rainstorm.
“No, you can’t go yet. You need rest,” Rui retorts sharply. He can feel the star’s body tremble, he can see the sweat on his face, he can see everything that the boy once tried to hide.
Suddenly, after a short moment, the boy’s head lay against the director’s shoulder with a fluttering sigh.
“I don't...understand anymore...”
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Chapter Text

Rest for now, it’s too hot to be perfect today. Rest for now, before you feel like giving up…
For now, let yourself rest…
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And yet, what happened before him was unspecified, as were many things in his life. For many years, it was that way.
The phone bursts into shrill rings, alerting Mrs. Tenma, the mother of the boy who was lost in his feelings and a terrible fever.
Mrs. Tenma gasps, a mix of surprise and curiosity; her son wasn’t gone forever. An unknown number, however, was calling her instead of her son. “Yes? Who is this?” asks the concerned mother, frantically picking up the phone in worry.
A calm yet reassuring voice comes through the line: “Rui Kamishiro, I’m sure your son has told you about me before?” He asks, the back of his mind knowing the answer, yet not confirmed.
“Oh, yes! You’re one of my son’s friends!” she answers in relief, feeling the weight in her stomach and heart unfurl in solace at the revelation.
“Perfect, he’s at Emu’s house right now. He’s unconscious, but his friends from Wondershow and I are taking care of him.” And before she can feel the sense of trepidation, he adds, “Please don’t panic, he’s in good hands. Unless you prefer us sending him home now?” Mrs. Tenma sighs shakily, clearly concerned for her eldest son. Yet, she inhales sharply, regaining composure over her emotions once more.
Nervously, she nods, “Yes, he can stay there since he’s unconscious for now. Just… make sure to bring him home before midnight…” Mrs. Tenma requests, to which Rui agrees.
“Of course, thank you for being so patient. We’ll bring him home as soon as we can.” Rui responds, and with a soft click, he hangs up and puts his phone away. The lavender-haired boy turns around to check on Tsukasa, yet he is still unconscious. Rui sighs softly in concern, sitting on the edge of the bed next to Tsukasa. He pats his head awkwardly before feeling his forehead, beads of sweat dripping down his feverish face. As he does so, Nene and Emu collect medicines and ice packs in the kitchen for Tsukasa.
“Overworked yourself again…” Rui mutters, a bitter chuckle escaping his lips as he speaks. His heart clenched at the thought of Tsukasa working himself to the point of becoming physically ill, as well as mentally. “Please don't-... don't do that again. You scared me, and the rest of the SEKAI too…” He adds, knowing Tsukasa probably can’t hear him because of the unconscious fog in his mind.

“I hope you’ll be okay…”
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I wake up to the faint smell of gasoline…
Huh?

My dad is driving the car. My mom sits in the passenger’s seat.

And Saki isn’t here next to me.

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

I ask why.

No answer

“You should know by now.”

I can’t.
But I miss her.
But-

WHo needs Therapy when you can be a star?
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The car keeps moving after being filled with fresh gasoline. My arms instinctively hold onto the pegasus plushie I have, blond strands touching my forehead lightly, tentatively, like they are cautious of my skin.
And I don’t remember what happens next. I just remember waiting next to the phone at home and the words:

”I really hate it”
` ”It really hurts.”
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The gel inside the icepack sloshes around as Tsukasa moves, cold to the touch like his hands and lower body. Tsukasa opens his eyes, eyelashes fluttering like butterfly wings. A groan escapes his lips, body weak and shivery.
“Rui…” He says after a pause, his head aching like a tight band around it. Rui immediately perks up, relief washing over his face. He takes Tsukasa’s hand in his. His hand envelops Tsukasa’s; it’s so cold. Rui’s hand is warm… and a little sweaty too. He was nervous, okay?
Rui takes a deep breath and nods, smiling softly. “Yeah, I’m he-” The door hurtles open, revealing a determined Emu and neutral Nene, but secretly, she was worried too. “I brought the medicine!” Emu announces, clearly proud of herself. “And Nene brought the thermometer!” she adds with a giggle.
Tsukasa watches quietly before something in his mind clicks; He was sick. That wasn’t supposed to happen… he was supposed to be the strong one!
“Was that a dream?” The blond asks, almost fearful. The gasoline, the car, the pegasus? Was that real? He sits up suddenly, as if to prove a point. “See, everyone? I’m fine!” He exclaims before feeling a sharp pain in his head, and he winces but hides it quickly. Nene’s eyes narrow, and she gently pushes Tsukasa down onto the bed again, making him lie down.

How humiliating it feels to be vulnerable in front of those you’re supposed to be a leader for.

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Tsukasa buries his face into the soft, pink pillow, a small, unsuppressed whine escaping his lips in defeat. The icepack falls off his sweat-induced forehead as he hides against the pillow. It’s too stuffy here, and you don’t understand it. “There, there, Tsukasa-kun! You just have to relax,” Emu suggests calmly yet encouragingly.
Relax?
“Emu’s right, Tsukasa,” Nene interjects, her tone serious yet mildly deadpan. “You’re always pushing yourself too hard, and it worries us.” She leans against the wall as she speaks. Rui stays silent, but a million thoughts are racing in his mind. He just doesn't know how to say them out loud, or maybe it’s not appropriate to do so right now.
Tsukasa, on the other hand, was having a war with himself; should he let himself be vulnerable, or should he keep up the walls? Again, he springs up, and immediately, a sharp pain in his head follows. It was fine if nobody knew. “I-...You guys! I’ll be good as new by tomorrow morning, and we shall continue rehearsals perfectly!” he protests, forcing that smile that could probably shine through the ozone layer if it wanted to. But right now, it was faded slightly from fatigue and overall pain. The three others look at him like he’s crazy. How can he say that when he’s as pale as a ghost?

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The next day, however, Tsukasa was wrong. Obviously. He was still freezing and boiling hot at the same time.

He wakes up in his bedroom. How’d he get here? His friends probably dropped him off, right? What about the SEKAI? All that happened was a dream, right? But is it okay?
Now he knows what to do: check the SEKAI and his friends. With the click of a button on his phone, he enters the SEKAI. Everything goes white for a moment, like he’s floating, before everything becomes clearer again. He stands on the wooden pier of the harbor, where he was last. The SEKAI looks… off