Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The first thing Kakashi notices is the nausea.

He doesn’t actually think much about it. Waking up in the morning after a bad dream only to puke his guts out actually wasn’t that uncommon for him. The fourth shinobi war had brought up plenty of old ghosts for Kakashi to ruminate on, not to mention trigger the nightmares he thought he had finally been getting over. Rin’s death was something he had never truly moved past from, but dreams involving her had increased in frequency, even if Kakashi felt a bit more at ease.

Minato and Kushina were frequent as well. Kakashi likes to think he had bottled up those feelings nice and neat during his time in the Anbu, but once he had been assigned to teach their son, the suppressed guilt came flooding back. In his heart, he knows there’s nothing he could have done to save them- he wasn’t even present when Obito attacked them, terrified at the idea of being near his sensei’s child. Kakashi only knew how to destroy things- if he’s honest, that's still all he knows- and he had not insisted on accompanying them. If he had, would things have changed? Or would all three of them be dead instead? He doesn’t know. His dreams, however, tell him all the ways he failed, the ways he could have saved them, the ways he practically killed them with his own hands just as he did with Rin and Obito.

The guilt of doing so little for their son never quite left, either. What could Kakashi have done for Naruto that wouldn’t have ended in disaster, Kakashi again wasn’t quite sure. Asking to take care of the boy was out of the question- Hiruzen had denied anyone who knew Kushina and Minato from interacting with the boy. Kakashi himself was freshly fourteen at the time, and knew very little about caring for small children. His passive suicidal idealation probably wouldn’t have been good for the boy, either. Still, Kakashi sometimes dreams about the baby in Kushina’s arms, covered in her blood, only knowing her love for just an hour. The nausea lingers even if those dreams weren’t quite as violent as all the others, the sour taste of disappointment and regret resting on his tongue.

Obito… Oh, Kakashi never knew what to think about him anymore. The boy who had died for him came back to life, and he wasn’t pleased with what he saw. Kakashi had spent the past near twenty years trying to live up to Obito’s ideology, to hold true to the beliefs Obito had managed to reaffirm in him, only to find that Obito himself no longer believed in such truths. He had lost his way, and Kakashi could not be the guiding force that nudged him back, just as Obito had done for him as a child, arrogant and cold, humbled by the truth.

But Obito had hurt countless in his search to fufill a fantasy that could not be maintained. And once the truth of the infinite tsukuyomi came to life, Obito had decided that the shinobi world could only be saved through conquering it. Giving up seeing Rin again, Obito had focused on reality for the first time in decades, but he was still so blind to the beauty the world still held even in the face of the catastrophic loss they had all suffered.

Would Kakashi have become as deranged as him if he had been trapped in that cave, all alone except for the ramblings of Uchiha Madara? Kakashi does not know. His heart aches for the boy who had died, but there is turmoil for the man he had become, and all that he had done upon his resurrection…

Thinking about the fight in the kamui dimension always made Kakashi nauseous, too. That was a wound too raw to pick at, so Kakashi pretended it never happened. There was plenty of other things to be upset about, in general or specifically regarding what Obito had done.

The nausea didn’t always come in the mornings, however, and even still it wasn’t a particularly alarming symptom. Tsunade had given up the hokage hat to Kakashi as soon as the war was over; she gave him a month to recover from his wounds and rebalance himself, and then foisted the position on to him so she could finally retire. Kakashi doesn’t exactly blame her, per se, because he would have done that exact same thing; really, after keeping Konoha afloat during Pain’s attack, let alone the fourth shinobi war, Tsuande does deserve to retire…

It’s just rather inconvenient the only person ready for such a position was, supposedly, him. Kakashi felt there were countless other people better suited than himself, because Kakashi felt he was neither strong enough for the position, nor was he worthy of the respect that comes with the title. Kakashi denied Tenzo from calling him senpai for that very reason; he wasn’t worth being some sort of role model to look up to, let alone the power and prestige of being the leader of the village.

Just thinking about the position would make him nauseous, and all the lives that were now under his command. Being a commander was far different from being the supreme commander; at least he was present on the battlefield, able to sacrifice himself for his men if need be, to ensure no comrade dies on his watch. But the hokage so often was reserved for the safety of the village, and the idea of sending men out on missions he himself could and would be completing felt strange and terrible.

So being nauseous was not exactly a surprise. The loss of appetite wasn’t, either. Kakashi sometimes already had a difficult time eating food if he wasn’t properly motivated; truly, a good portion of his life was spent mechanically eating food to make sure he didn’t starve, and only motivated to do so because he had to keep his body in shape enough to perform his duties as a shinobi. Appetite loss was no stranger to him either, and coupled with the nausea, it was really no surprise at all.

Once he became hokage, sworn in just a month after the war had ended and Obito was defeated, Kakashi became swarmed with juggling the responsibilities now resting on his shoulder. Rebuilding the village, investigating shinobi who seemed to want to follow Obito’s path and became rogue, and continuing to fulfill requested missions was difficult. Kakashi barely had time to sleep, let alone eat, so skipping meals wasn’t uncommon. Kakashi didn’t even really notice the loss of appetite for a while until Sakura and Naruto dragged him out of the office during his third week, annoyed by his perpetual absence at their supposed team seven hang outs, and had a difficult time trying to eat the ramen they had gotten.

Still, Kakashi didn’t think much of it. He was stressed, to say the least, and he was nearly constantly nauseous, only barely able to mask it in front of all the other shinobi. He had a sneaking suspicion that Sakura was catching on, only because she was so well trained, but so far she hasn’t done anything, to which Kakashi could feel a near palpable relief over.

Kakashi noticed as well that he felt generally fatigued almost constantly. It was like a very mild form of chakra exhaustion, one he could pretty easily power through, but sometimes if he wasn’t careful, he could fall asleep during meetings with the agricultural department. Shizune had scolded him for that one, though no one had noticed, thankfully. His exhaustion was so noticeable Shizune had started joking he should take afternoon naps… and by the end of the first month of holding office, Kakashi had started to do exactly that.

He kept nodding off while doing paperwork. Naruto teased him for being so sleepy, that his half lidded eyes always looked half a blink away from falling asleep even before he took office. Kakashi felt that was actually true now, constantly passing out on his bed almost immediately after his shift was over, and reluctant to wake up early the next morning for training. He was lucky he already had a reputation of being chronically late, or sleeping in would be difficult.

Still, as sleepy as he was, the exhaustion wasn’t particularly alarming. Kakashi had hoped that with the sharingan gone (and that… was something he tried desperately had not to think about) he would finally have his energy back, but he still felt as constantly drained as he always was, if not more so. The added stress of his new position, the nightmares, the re-opening of old wounds, and the new horrors the fourth war had put him through made him assume it was a result of the combination of all of those things stacking together to make his exhaustion so terrible.

By the second month after the war had ended, Kakashi had noted a couple of other odd symptoms he couldn’t quite place. His breasts had been oddly sore, aching in ways they had never done before. His sleep schedule and diet were a bit hard on his body, however, so Kakashi assumed they might had been a symptom of that. His body had been sore for a while after the fight with Obito anyway, so he didn’t think much, other than mild annoyance at the tenderness.

Kakashi doesn’t even notice he’s missed his periods until the third month. But his cycle had always been out of rhythm, leading a rather stressful life from trauma or day-to-day shinobi work. He only noticed it had been at least a month, but that didn’t concern him at all. Skipping a month or two wasn’t particularly uncommon, and these past four months- hell, these past two years- have been the most stress inducing of his life, with exception to the year where he lost Rin and Obito almost back to back. The ulcer he had gotten after enduring Anbu training right after their loss was something he never forgot.

The truth is, Kakashi is busy. These past two months as the hokage are filled with requests from every department, haggling him for money they don’t have, and for approvals to rebuild things or create something new or this and that and that and this. Kakashi is busy rebuilding Konoha, further building relations with the five major hidden villages and their respective country, and dealing with all the stupid paperwork this job comes with. Kakashi’s sick of the paper trail by the end of the first month, and wonders about setting up a functional council to meddle with the more mundane tasks… why Kakashi has to deal with things like payroll and budgeting, he really doesn’t know.

Kakashi is busy, and he doesn’t really think twice about any of the symptoms he’s been showing. The people around him don’t seem particularly worried, either; Shizune, however, has been noticing his increased nausea and seems mildly concerned about that. When Kakashi refuses medication, she does kindly brew some ginger tea for him if she sees him struggling. It’s a simple sort of kindness that leaves Kakashi surprised every time she does it, under no obligation to do so despite remaining the hokage’s aid even after Tsunade stepped down.

Tsunade had left to go on a retirement tour (mainly, to get black out drunk and gamble lots of money, then rinse and repeat). Shizune, however, declinded the offer to go with her. She appreciated that Tsunade had taken her with her, after her mother and uncle died, but she wanted to stand on her own two feet for a while, not in her shadow. They parted on good terms, so Shizune stayed in the village, continuing to help Kakashi through the transitional period, for which he was forever grateful for.

By the end of the third month, Sakura and Naruto are sick of how busy Kakashi is. Sasuke has been talking about leaving, now that he’s fully healed and Sakura and Naruto have been dragging him around the village for the team seven bonding they’ve been begging to do since Sasuke had first left. Sasuke requested the leave of absence a month ago, citing that he wanted some time alone to find himself, though Kakashi simply suspected he was afraid of being home again, with people who care and love him.

Still, Kakashi granted it, but hoped the two could convince him to stay. If he truly thought leaving to recenter himself was for the best, then Sasuke would part ways for a few months to figure himself out. If he didn’t, then the two would keep him in the village until he really did want to leave. Kakashi would be fine with it either way; he didn’t want to push Sasuke in either direction. Sakura and Naruto would do enough of that.

“I thought having us altogether in the village would finally let us all hang out,” Naruto complains, sitting on his desk. It’s only been two months and it’s a habit Kakashi has given up trying to stop him from forming. “But you’re always so busy! This can’t be healthy- Sakura, tell him this isn’t healthy!”

Sakura scratches the back of her neck, settled on the ugly couch the third hokage had installed and desperately needed updating. Minato had found it charming, though the man frankly had no taste, and Tsuande couldn’t give a damn about interior decorating as long as she had a place to pass out on when she got too drunk from daydrinking in the office.

Maybe Tsuande had a point. Being an alcoholic wouldn’t be the worst vice he could pick up. It would make this paper work more bearable. Or maybe he should investigate what the third hokage always had in his pipe…

“Kakashi-sensei is busy,’ Sakura confirmed, and Kakashi was momentarily relieved, glad someone was finally on his side. It’s not like he likes being busy. Kakashi loves procrastinating unimportant things. It just so happened he was the hokage, which made everything important. “But it would do you some good to go outside every once in a while! Spending all your time in this stuffy office is no good for you. Besides, I’m not convinced you’ve been eating well. I’d be a lot more satisfied if I could see you actually eat something.”

“You never actually see me eat,” Kakashi points out, idly tapping at his mask. Sakura’s eyes narrow at the joke, and Kakashi puts his hands up in defeat. “Alright, I’m sure we can schedule something.”

“You get off at eight, don’t you?” Naruto asks. Have they already been conspiring with Shizune to know his schedule? Technically Kakashi should be getting off earlier than that, but since he comes to the office so late in the mornings, he’s adjusted the hours a bit. “What are you even doing at night? We could hang out then.”

Usually, Kakashi hits the bed and passes out. The idea of his sleep getting getting impacted by their desire to hang out sours him slightly. “We are not hanging out after I get off work. I quite like my beauty sleep.”

“You don’t need it if you’re gonna cover your face,” Naruto points out. “And hey, you’ve got your forehead protector over your eye again. I made that eye for you, so you better use it.”

Embarrassed, Kakashi shifts the forehead protector off of his eye. For decades, Kakashi had been wearing the headband like that, and it was muscle memory to tilt it to the side. It was muscle memory still, to keep his eye shut even when it was removed, and sometimes Kakashi feels a bit dizzy from having his full vision back. Kakashi is good at adjusting, the depth perception of only using one eye negated after only a day of adjustment, but it’s the little things that sometimes trip him up. Kakashi still had a deadly aim in kunai throwing, but he might miss picking up his pencil if he relied on muscle memory now that he had both eyes, which was entirely embarrassing.

“You don’t come in as early in the mornings as others,” Sakura noted. “Surely you don’t need that much sleep.”

“I’m an old man with old bones,” Kakashi complains. The aches in his joints says it’s true.

“You’re barely thirty two!” Sakura scolds. “I think we should hang out weekly. Talking to stuffy, boring officials about this and that doesn’t count as good socializing. And I want to see some more meat on you.”

This was a fight he wasn’t going to win. Kakashi knows, because he had seen the both of them drag along a kicking Sasuke on more than one occasion. The question was if Kakashi wanted to draw this out more, or resign himself to his fate… the truth was, Kakashi was too tired to go kicking and screaming like Sasuke. With a sigh, he submitted to at least one day of the week having his sleep disrupted. “Fine, fine. I come in later on Sundays, so why don’t we meet on Saturday nights?”

Sunday mornings were spent at the memorial stone. He didn’t have near as much time to spend disassociating at the memorial stone as he used to; some would say that might be a good thing. The re-opening of old wounds has made him itching to visit, however, so he contends himself for one day of the week spent to haunt the graves of those he loved. If the day doesn’t leave him completely drained, he’ll visit at night after his shift; every day he doesn’t go makes him feel somewhat guilty. He thinks they would understand, however… the new position leaves him with so little free time.

Thus, Sakura and Naruto drag him out every week for dinner. The carb heavy meals must be counterbalancing his lack of appetite, because he finds that his clothes don’t fit like they used to. His pants were tighter than he ever remembered them being, and a look in the mirror suggests he hand gained some weight. Kakashi frowned, running a hand over his stomach, curious at the slight bump. Kakashi had always been lithe, a high metabolism with an extremely active lifestyle left him with little fat. He wasn’t sure how to feel about the excess weight… he was still training in his free time, and he doesn’t feel as if he had slipped in power… but was it such a bad thing? Maybe it was a sign his body was recuperating… maybe it was a sign that peace was finally realized...

It left him slightly uneasy, then mildly annoyed. Kakashi stuck to wearing the hokage robes for a while to hide the sweat pants he decided to wear, the tight waistline of the jonin pants he owned uncomfortable.

The next change was his breasts. They were small, easily hidden behind his flak jacket, but now Kakashi noticed they pressed against the jacket more than they used to. It was a tighter fit than it used to be, and it left Kakashi staring at the mirror again, frowning at the sight of his breasts, bigger than he remembered by nearly a whole cup. It wasn’t enough to be noticeable under baggy clothing, so it looked like he would continue wearing the hokage’s robes. And he could still wear his flak jacket, but the tight fit only made them more tender, more achey, and the way his sensitive nipples rubbed against the firm fabric of his jacket nearly drove him crazy.

Kakashi had never had this issue before, able to maintain his weight, and puberty left him with little to hide. He assumed he wouldn’t have to deal with something like this after puberty, but now he was considering getting a bra, if only because the support would probably help the mild ache. The idea made his nose scrunch; it sounded like such a pain to transform into a woman and go bra shopping… The last he tried that, he had given up and resigned himself to shinobi sports tape like juvenile girls wore. It wasn’t as if he had a large chest, after all.

Prodding at his breasts hadn’t revealed anything, so Kakashi chalked it all up to weight gain and settled on simply wearing his robes. They were surprisingly comfortable, loose fitting and made of soft material, so Kakashi didn’t mind, though they did garner attention he rather disliked. It made people more insistent on calling him the rokudaime, which always left his skin crawling. The respect given to him wasn’t earned, and he does his best to correct those around him.

Sometimes, he wonders if Minato had ever felt like this when he became hokage, at such a young age, too. Did he feel like an imposter? Given the hat because there was no one better, or because others were held back by politics? But Minato had wanted to be the hokage ever since Kakashi had known him, dreaming of creating peace and prosperity so war would never touch their village again. And Minato was worthy of the title, so strong and valiant… Kakashi dreaded to think about how he could possibly hold up under Minato’s shadow, or even his predecessor Tsunade.

He did the best with what he could. Naruto and Sakura teased him over the robes; Shizune seemed more and more suspicious. No one else seemed to particularly care, perhaps thinking he was flaunting, and Kakashi resigned himself to it until he lost the fat or invested in new clothes. Hopefully, the sensitivity of his breast would finally go down. The flak jacket still fit otherwise, and Kakashi wasn’t keen on buying anything bigger.

It was nearing the fourth month after the war had ended when things finally came to a head. Naruto and Sakura had pulled him from the hokage’s office, this time meeting up with Sasuke. Naruto and Sasuke, having healed completely from their loss of limbs, were itching to fight each other again. Kakashi was content to watch, pleased to find that their rivalry had simmered into something less lethal and more playful. It made him ache a little, thinking about Obito and him, and how their relationship could have developed if they were given the same chance…

Kakashi squeezed his eyes shut, feeling a moment of nausea. From the memory of what Obito had done, or the general unease of knowing such a bright young boy had given his life for him of all people, Kakashi wasn’t sure. The moment passes, though he noticed Sakura watching him with some alarm. Kakashi ignores her and settles on watching the fight between Naruto and Sasuke.

It was impressive how much damage either of them could do while missing an arm. Tsunade mentioned that once she came back from her retirement tour, she would look into Hashirama’s cells and limb replacement. Obito had been proof it would work, and Tsunade was the best medical ninja around, other than Sakura. Sakura was currently doing some preliminary research in the meanwhile, to speed the process along when Tsunade returned. Naruto was enthusiastic about the idea, but Sasuke had politely declined. Kakashi wasn’t sure if it was in an act of self punishment or because he was truly content with himself, now that he had the rinnegan’s power, but Kakashi only advised that he thought about it while Tsunade was on leave.

They had gotten take out, barbecue at Sakura’s request, sick of all the ramen they kept eating because Naruto would drag them to Ichiraku before they could even protest. Kakashi enjoyed the change of pace, but found himself drifting off as Sasuke and Naruto fought, and Sakura watched in case they accidentally maimed each other again. He really wouldn’t be surprised; they both got a little over their heads in competitions, even when they aren't intentionally being lethal.

“What’s this?” Naruto’s voice rouses him. The fighting had paused, both of them drenched in sweat. Naruto was closer than he remembered him being, not close enough to leer, but practically doing so. “Gee, Sasuke, our fight’s so boring Kakashi-sensei is falling asleep!”

“Maybe we should kick it up a notch,” Sasuke suggests. His tone is apathetic, but Kakashi can see a matching gleam in his eyes with Naruto. “Why don’t you join us for a spar, Kakashi?”

The offer was incredibly tantalizing. Kakashi was itching to get his adrenaline pumping, days spent cooped up in the office making him restless. There was a part of Kakashi that wondered if it was such a good idea, aware of some of the symptoms he was presenting, even if he didn’t see how they slotted together. But Kakashi ignored the look of uncertainty Sakura gave him as he stood, sliding the robes off his body, not noticing the way the three of them were watching.

He was lucky he had worn his flak jacket today, as he usually does during their hangouts. People don’t tend to bump into him or even touch him when he’s at the hokage’s office, but Sakura and Naruto were very familiar in their touches, and how they ignore his personal space; when alcohol is involved it increases ten times over. Kakashi wasn’t exactly interested in either of them accidentally coping a feel or getting a face full of his chest. Thus, the flak jacket was a necessity, even if it made his nipples sore.

Kakashi didn’t exactly anticipate winning this fight. He was bone tired, exhausted from a day of work, still recovering from the loss of the sharingan, and all of his students had long surpassed him. Naruto suggested an all out brawl, that the three of them would fight each other. Sakura had used up most of her chakra at the hospital today, or else Kakashi is sure this would have become a two vs two battle.

For a while, it was fun. Kakashi forgot just how exciting even sparring could be, too used to life or death battles these past few months, even these last few years, constantly sent on missions or dealing with the Akatsuki. Naruto and Sasuke were mostly fooling around, and Kakashi tried to match the tone, sometimes not even actually trying to land a blow, instead seeing if he couldn’t pull a trick that would make Sakura laugh.

Kakashi was tired, but the adrenaline pumping in his veins made him feel alive again in the way he hasn’t since the war ended and Tsunade marked him as her official successor. It was great to hear Naruto and Sasuke bicker again, Sakura cheering them on as they fought, and Kakashi finally felt satisfied, knowing their team was back together. No wonder Sakura and Naruto had been so insistent on having all four of them hang out… Kakashi had forgotten just how sweet the old days were, made even better by the fact they were all his peers and not his students, adults that no longer relied on him but were strong enough to stand on their own. They were his peers, his friends, and Kakashi has known that for a long while, respected them during the war as they came into their own, but it was nice to see it truly reflected in the way they acted, in the smooth friendship they had begun to build, brick by brick.

Of course, like all good things that involve Kakashi, the fun spar doesn’t last for very long. Naruto pins Kakashi down, the two rolling around in the dirt for a few moments until Naruto finally overpowers him. He straddles him, sitting on his thighs, forcing his wrists above his head. Naruto was smiling, cracking some sort of joke about how the office life had softened him, but Kakashi couldn’t hear his voice, swimming in nausea as the memories of the last time he was in this position bubbled to the surface.

Naruto must have seen him turn a shade of green because he was quickly moving away, letting go of him as he tumbled off. Kakashi rolled over and threw up the nice dinner they had, feeling faintly dizzy as he remained on his knees, hands barely keeping him upright. He pushed his mask back over his face even though his stomach still felt unsettled, and gentle hands pulled him back into a sitting position.

Sakura was in front of him, looking a cross between annoyed and concerned. “So you have been dealing with nausea, haven't you? How long has this been going on?”

Ah, there was no point in lying now, he supposed, caught red handed. His mouth still tasted like stomach acid. “A few months… I think.”

“Months! You should have talked to me or Shizune! Have you talked to Shizune? Has she given any medication to help? If it’s this bad, it’s clear you need some.”

“No, I didn’t think it was worth getting treatment for.” Kakashi looked away. “I usually just get it in the morning. It isn’t a big deal.”

“Throwing up isn’t normal, Kakashi,” Naruto says, sounding stern. It’s an odd tone and it almost makes Kakashi laugh if he didn’t see the genuine concern in his eyes. “What’s wrong with him, anyway?”

Sakura’s hands were green. Kakashi opened his mouth, prepared to dissuade her from using her chakra, but Sakura clicked her tongue in warning. Kakashi had a feeling he was already pushing his luck, and reluctantly backed down from the fight, letting her hands hover over his abdomen. “Are there any other symptoms I should know about? Illnesses that linger for this long aren’t kind on the immune system.”

Kakashi frowns, trying to think. He isn’t really sure what was a symptom and what was just stress. He felt a bit embarrassed talking about it all with Sasuke and Naruto present, but it would be nice if Sakura could somehow magically cure all of his ailments. It wouldn’t stop being the hokage from being such a drag, but if he actually had some energy, it might make it less so.

“I’ve been… tired lately,” Kakashi begins, slowly. “And I think I’ve been having a loss of appetite. I assumed it was simply the stress of the new position I’m in.”

The other symptoms Kakashi couldn’t say. The weight gain embarrassed him a bit, he wasn’t about to let any of them see his breasts if he could help it, and the missed periods didn’t even make it on his list of symptoms. Kakashi assumed Sakura was going to make the same diagnosis, that Kakashi was only so nauseous because he was so stressed… and Kakashi assumed the nightmares weren’t helping, not that he was about to admit to having those to her; it felt so childish to admit that he was still plagued with bad dreams, like a little kid afraid of the dark.

Instead, Sakura’s nose wrinkled. Her chakra flared, spreading across his entire body. She had an intense look of concentration that was starting to make Kakashi feel nervous the longer she was silent. Naruto seemed more and more concerned and Sasuke’s pretend apathy began to falter.

“It’s not something embarrassing, is it?” Kakashi asked, if only to break this unbearable tension.

Sakura’s hands finally stopped glowing. She gives Kakashi a long look, something Kakashi can’t quite read. It’s mainly bafflement, but there’s an under current of unease. She hesitates, and Kakashi is worried she’s going to deliver some sort of bad news, like he only has days to live, that he caught an exotic disease that can’t be cured, that a limb needs to amputated, something terrible to warrant the way she bites her lip before finally speaking.

“Kakashi.” Her voice is soft, and Kakashi makes note of the lack of title. She was serious, despite the gentle tone. “You’re pregnant.”

Oh.

The symptoms lock into place. The picture is finally painted. His missed periods, his sore breasts, his fatigue, his morning sickness, his lack of appetite… Kakashi remembered these symptoms from Kushina, all those years ago, along with some intense food cravings later on. Kurenai was lucky, her pregnancy was scant with symptoms beyond some soreness and fatigue.

Of course, he hadn’t technically gained weight. Hormones increased his breast size, and that wasn’t really fat clinging to his stomach, but a small baby bump. The symptoms lined up perfectly. Kakashi was pregnant.

Kakashi turned around and threw up again.

Chapter Text

Stunned silence settled across the field. Kakashi wiped his mouth, hand trembling slightly as he tried to settle both his nerves and his stomach. He used to have an iron stomach, born from both intense missions and from the eating contests he and Gai would provoke each other into. The pregnancy had turned his iron into aluminum, folding over quickly at the slightest upset.

Kakashi squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. Pregnancy.

He was pregnant.

“What?!” Naruto bellowed, and Kakashi was marginally impressed it took him this long to finally say something. Even Sasuke looked bewildered, glancing between Sakura and Kakashi, probably wondering if he had heard her diagnosis correctly. Naruto will confirm that he had. “What do you mean he’s pregnant? Are you crazy?”

“I’m a medical ninja! I know what I’m doing!” Sakura shouted back, punching what she could reach, which happened to be Naruto’s calf. He squealed, not expecting the hit, and hopped on one foot away from her, complaining about the bruise that was forming.

It was such a normal occurrence Kakashi laughed, something bordering on the edge of hysterical; clearly, given the three looks of concern sent his way.

“How does this even work?” Naruto began, eyeing Kakashi, then Sakura’s fists. It was clear he was still skeptical. Sasuke, on the other hand, only appeared contemplative, and Kakashi had the distinct feeling he was staring at Kakashi's stomach. The weight he had gained wasn’t terribly noticeable, hidden by his sweat pants and his jonin vest, but for some reason his skin was crawling with the idea that Sasuke could see right through him.

Sakura faltered slightly, turning to look at Kakashi. She hesitates, chewing on her lip, before she stands up, offering Kakashi a hand to pull him up. Kakashi wasn’t sure if she was being polite or if she suddenly saw him as feeble, but Kakashi was exhausted, and he silently took her hand, allowing her to pull him to his feet. “Why don’t we continue this conversation privately at the hospital? We should probably run a few tests to make sure.”

Kakashi knew that Sakura wasn’t doubting herself, but was likely offering that for Kakashi’s benefit. Kakashi trusted Sakura more than anyone else regarding this, knowing that she was a renowned medical ninja, and that she had recently been studying pediatrics. Kakashi didn’t doubt her, but it was soothing to think that there might be a test that would prove her wrong, despite all of his symptoms pointing in the other direction.

“Is anyone gonna explain?” Naruto asked. Sasuke gripped his shoulder tightly, making him wince as he pushed him to start walking; Kakashi silently trailed behind Sakura as they started towards the hospital together.

“Just leave it,” Sasuke orders, and his voice didn’t leave room for argument. Naruto still tried to find it, opening his mouth to say something, but Sasuke only squeezed his shoulder again, and Naruto instead needled Sasuke into picking a fight, choosing to antagonize him over this or that, likely to ease the strange tension that had settled over them.

Kakashi ignored their half hearted spat, lost in his own head. The past year or so Kakashi had stopped taking his birth control, tied up in the dealings of the Akatsuki and often running out on missions. He figured it didn’t matter much, considering he wasn’t a very sexual person anyway, long since given up one night stands under the disguise of another, and no longer actively taking missions that required seduction. It hadn’t been an issue, and the chaos of fighting Obito, recovering, becoming hokage, and helping to rebuild Konoha had stopped him from refilling his prescription.

And Kakashi was right. He hasn’t had sex in the previous months, certainly not while he was recovering in the hospital, definitely not as the new hokage. He certainly didn’t have sex before the war was over, busy trying to survive and convince Obito of a better world than his fantasy dream.

Kakashi's stomach churned. Dizziness settled across his entire body and he was forced to grab Sakura’s shoulder to stop himself from tripping over his own feet. Voices buzzed in his ears as the realization strikes, so powerful he can feel his knees tremble, barely able to support his weight.

He wasn’t on birth control when Obito-

“Kakashi?”

Kakashi flinched back, unable to help himself. He was usually so much more in control of himself, of his emotions, yet here he was, spiraling in the middle of the street, Sakura, Sasuke, and Naruto watching him with wide eyes. He took a long, deep breath, ignoring the way his breath trembled, ignoring the strain in his chest, ignoring everything except trying to slow his heartbeat, forcibly calming himself down. He was stronger than this.

“Ah, sorry,” he said, trying to keep his voice level. “I thought I felt nauseous again. Let’s keep going, alright?”

He walked on without looking back. The three of them scrambled after him, unwilling to leave him alone. Each step helped settle Kakashi's nerves, forcibly shoving the memories down, down, down. The others were deathly quiet, which meant Kakashi must have spooked them gravely for them to not even squabble amongst each other. He needs to keep control of himself better- it must be the pregnancy hormones… he remembers Kushina’s mood swings had worsened dramatically the farther along she was.

If he was pregnant. However small, it was possible Sakura misdiagnosed him. All of these symptoms could be something else. Kakashi almost hopes it’s some sort of disease instead.

His denial was pathetic, even to himself.

Sakura guided them inside the hospital, steering them towards a private room. Most of the injured had already healed, and it was only long term injuries requiring therapy that remained, scattered across the hospital with various ailments. Kakashi was just grateful he wasn’t wasting any resources with his foolish predicament.

The door was locked behind him. Sakura guided him to sit on a medical bed, perhaps afraid he might fall over at any given moment. Normally, Kakashi would be annoyed at her treating him as if he was fragile, but truthfully Kakashi wasn’t sure how much longer his legs could support his weight. He settled himself on the bed, cognizant of their eyes and the weighted silence, but his head felt like it was buzzing, somehow both over stimulated and understimulated at the same time. His focus was waning, he recognized, and at the same time he couldn’t force himself to zone back in despite knowing they were waiting for him to talk.

Like always, Naruto broke the silence. “So…? How the hell did this happen?”

This time, Sakura and Sasuke hit him for his lack of tact, making him groan. Sakura throws her hands up. “Don’t ask it like that!”

“He wasn’t saying anything!” Naruto cries. “And I don’t understand how the hell he got pregnant!”

“There’s two chakra signatures,” Sakura explained. “That typically signifies someone is pregnant. There isn’t any other known reason for there to be two chakra signatures, beyond being a jinchuuriki. And given the feel of that second chakra signature, probably a thousand times weaker than a biju, it’s safe to say he isn’t a jinchuuriki. In case that wasn’t obvious, given what happened in the fourth war.”

Naruto frowned. He seemed to be following along well enough, though he still ended up scratching his head. “Hm… there’s nothing else that could cause this?”

“Nothing,” Sakura confirms.

“Well, it’s not that I doubt that you found two signatures… but I’m not understanding how Kakashi got pregnant. I mean, he’s a man, isn’t he?” Naruto scratched his chin this time in thought, then turned to Kakashi, wide eyed. “Wait, you’re a woman? Am I the only one who didn’t know that?”

“No,” Kakashi said, finally able to muster up his voice. He needed to nip this in the bud and explain, but for some reason Kakashi was at a loss of words. He had only needed to explain himself once, when he was six years old under Minato’s command, and his explanation had simply been ‘I’m a boy now’ which Minato took with surprising grace. Kushina never asked, and none of his peers knew the truth. The only other person who knew was Obito, when he had-

“No,” Kakashi repeated, and he wasn’t sure if he was telling Naruto or the memories that. He licked his lips, then continued, “I’m still a man. I just have a woman’s body.”

Naruto ruminated over the idea, eyes squinted in thought. Sakura nodded. “We’ve had a few patients before, people who were born one gender and decided to switch to another. It’s a bit rare, but not unheard of.”

Eyes shifted to Sasuke, who had remained previously silent. He glanced away, but said, “There were a few people I met while under Orochimaru who felt the same.”

Kakashi is just glad he didn’t compare the man to him. It was true Orochimaru was more fluid in his gender than most, though that was mainly because he didn’t care how he obtained immortality, or the means to learn every jutsu possible. Kakashi wasn’t sure it was the same thing, but regardless, being compared to him would have made his skin crawl.

“Hm, but you’re still a man, then?” Naruto asked. Kakashi nodded, and Naruto snapped his fingers. “I see! So that’s how you’re pregnant then? Because you have a woman’s body?”

“Yes,” Kakashi confirmed.

“So you have…” Naruto glanced at his chest. This time, Kakashi is the one who kicks him. “I wasn’t trying to be pervy, I swear! I just didn’t realize you had those, too!”

“Yes,” Kakashi drawls. “I have them.”

“One symptom of pregnancy is sensitive breasts,” Sakura notes. “Have you been experiencing that, too?” Kakashi’s cheeks flush. She’s just being a doctor, that’s all. Still, it takes him a second to muster the courage to confirm. “I’m afraid there aren’t very good remedies for that. Sometimes ice packs can help ease the pain. If it gets too strong you can use acetaminophen. That’s a safe pain reliever for pregnant people.”

Sakura hesitated. “I can run a more thorough exam if you would like. I’ll need you to take off your clothes so I can get the best accuracy, however.”

Kakashi remains still on the bed. Sensing the possible cause for discomfort, Sakura turns to face Naruto and Sasuke. “Alright, get out of here! Doctor patient confidentiality starts now!”

“What? Why? That’s not fair!”

“Stop being a perv,” Sasuke complained, pushing him towards the door.

Kakashi wasn’t sure if he liked this idea or not. On one hand, it was wildly humiliating to be naked in front of one of his former students, let alone all three. On the other hand, there was an odd anxiety in the back of his head about being left alone in an isolated part of the hospital with someone he trusts. The last time someone touched him alone like this…

“You can stay,” Kakashi said, trying to keep his voice casual. He isn't entirely sure it worked, but no one is giving him a pitying look. “Just don’t be weird about it.”

“Yeah, Sasuke, don’t be weird about it!’

“Shut up,” Sasuke grits. “Which one of us spends our days using a technique called sexy jutsu again?”

“Can you both shut up?” Sakura bemoans. “I’m going to have to focus here. Kakashi might be willing to let you stay, but if you’re too noisy I’m kicking you both out!”

Naruto and Sasuke grumble at the threat, but they don’t escalate further. Kakashi takes a deep breath, trying to pretend this was totally normal and not something he was on the verge of freaking out about. He brought his hand to his jonin vest and slowly began to unzip it, feeling a slight relief that his breasts weren’t crammed against the vest anymore, his sensitive nipples allowed to rest.

The vest was neatly folded and placed on the ground. Shoes and socks were kicked off with ease. Kakashi pulled at the hem of his pants, carefully sliding it down his body before he folded them up and tried to ignore the sight of his stomach. Without pants, it suddenly felt massive, and Kakashi wondered how the hell he didn’t consider being pregnant sooner. (That would require acknowledging what Obito had done, however…)

He fiddled with his shirt, knowing his mask was attached to it. Silently, Sakura moved, rummaging through a cabinet before producing a light blue medical mask for him to wear. Slowly, Kakashi took it from her, holding it in his hands for a moment, feeling oddly warm that Sakura had allowed him this small comfort.

“You can keep your underwear and mask on,” Sakura confirmed. “They’re small and thin enough that they won’t obstruct me from getting a good read on your chakra flow.”

Kakashi nodded in understanding, then began to lift his shirt over his head. When he was done folding it, he realized they had all respectfully turned away. Kakashi placed the mask over his nose and quietly cleared his throat to alert them that he was finished. Sakura turned first, pleased to see he was done. “Are you ready?”

“Anything I need to do?”

“Just lay down and relax for me.”

Kakashi nodded and laid against the bed, trying to steady his racing heart. Sasuke and Naruto were watching with curiosity; he could feel them both do a once over regarding his body, but otherwise he didn’t feel uncomfortable with them watching, beyond the vague discomfort of knowing his secret was revealed, and that they also knew of his pregnancy.

Sakura placed her hands on his stomach gently, her chakra pulsing in waves. He suspects part of what she’s doing is attempting to calm him down, because he begins to feel lulled by the warmth of her chakra. He doesn’t call her out on it, even if it does make the hair on the back of his neck stand up. Nothing is going to happen, obviously. Sasuke and Naruto are present as well. Nothing is going to happen.

Sakura’s chakra pulses across his network, investigative and curious. Most of it centers near his womb, making Kakashi squeeze his eyes shut, not wanting to think about that organ in particular. He doesn’t really know what she’s doing or how, since medical ninjutsu was something he was very limited in knowledge about. That was one form of ninjutsu Kakashi could not copy, considering the extreme anatomical and cellular knowledge one had to have in order to perform it.

It spans multiple minutes, Sakura pulsing her chakra, occasionally shifting on her knees as she examines him. Kakashi squeezes his eyes shut, wondering if this was some awful nightmare he would wake up from at any moment. Surely, this couldn’t be real. Surely, Kakashi couldn’t have actually gotten pregnant from the one sexual act he’s participated in this past year. His luck has always been so rotten, but surely…

Sakura slowly removes her hands. She bites her lip, but says, “It looks like you're about four months along from what I could tell. I’d specifically estimate maybe fourteen weeks, from the size of the baby and the development of facial muscles.”

Four months ago, they were still in the middle of the war. Kakashi squeezed his eyes shut again.

“Who’s the lucky father?” Naruto asked.

And that was when it came crashing down.

Kakashi could still feel Sakura’s hands- Obito’s hands- over his stomach, his body, pressing him down, mokuton wrapped around his wrists and ankles, forcing him against the ground while Obito loomed over him, smiling, babbling about how Kakashi should join him, that they weren’t meant to be enemies, that they believed in the same future. The only difference was that Obito believed they needed to wipe the slate clean and start over again. Shinobi scum weren’t worth saving, tinted with their violence, but Kakashi was different, wasn’t he? The shinobi world had failed him, horribly, every step of the way, and Obito could fix him.

Obito could save him. Obito could love him.

Maybe, all Obito needs to do is prove it.

A hand on his shoulder makes him lash out, punching the stomach of whoever had touched him. Naruto cried out, and Kakashi almost felt bad for him- he lacked a lot of tact, sure, but he’s been getting smacked quite a lot tonight. The adrenaline rush fades as quickly as it came, and Kakashi places his hand on his stomach, peering down at the truth of what had happened.

Kakashi thought he could simply pretend it never happened. Ignore it, just like he did with all the other parts of his life. If a loved one dying wasn’t involved, Kakashi pretended it had never happened. There was no use in moping about something that didn’t even succeed in killing him, or someone he loved. Things happen, even to those who are not shinobi. This wasn’t supposed to mean anything.

“Hey, are you with us?” Sakura asked.

He took a deep breath. “Ah, sorry. The urge to hit Naruto finally won out, I’m afraid.”

“Very funny,” Naruto said, pouting. It didn’t garner any pity from Kakashi, though he did think it was a cute look on him. The expression shifted into one of concern. “But seriously, are you alright? You were freaking out there for a second.”

“Did something… happen?” Sakura wondered.

She knew. The realization struck him with utter certainty. She was a doctor, for fuck’s sake, of course she would be able to identify the psychology of someone who had been r-

No, he hadn’t been-

But Obito-

He didn’t want it-

“Kakashi.” Sasuke’s voice was firm, grounding, demanding his full attention. Kakashi glanced up, seeing Sasuke leaning on the wall next to him. He wasn’t looming, casting a shadow across him, but was slouched over, calm, relaxed, despite the concerned look on his face. He isn’t sure why that made Kakashi relax, but it did, his heart beat steadying for a moment.

He was spiraling, his emotions out of control. Kakashi had never had this issue before, had never lost himself so badly except when Rin’s death was so fresh and every chidori reminded him of her, the feeling of her heart in his hands, the bone fragments of her ribcage slicing his skin, burning, the blood that would never wash off-

Ah, this was a spiral Kakashi knew well enough to stop on its own. Again, he forced himself to take deep breaths, struggling to calm himself down. How pitiful. What happened to cold blooded Kakashi, who could terrorize dozens of shinobi without feeling a thing? Kakashi almost misses the numbness of his youth in the face of the way he’s inexplicably falling apart. It’s horribly embarrassing.

“My apologies,” Kakashi says, tasting each syllable. “I was lost in my head for a moment there.”

Without another word, Kakashi picked up the clothing he had set aside. He felt exposed, naked in more ways than once, and he can’t stand the sight of his own stomach or swollen breasts any longer. He forces his pants on with more aggression than necessary, then calmly begins to slide his shirt back over his head, exchanging the masks.

It was quite clear he was worrying all three of them, concern palpable, twinkling in each eye. He should say something, shouldn’t he, to get them off his back? Something vague. “The father isn’t in the picture anymore.”

That should work. It was clear that he conceived during the war. Maybe they’ll assume he died or something. That wouldn’t even be a lie- Obito was killed through the combined efforts of all four of them. He was gone, hopefully finding the peace he couldn’t while he was here on earth. There was still a part of Kakashi, that despite knowing all the horrific things Obito had done to the ones he loved, and to himself, that just wanted the boy who died for him to be at peace.

“Kakashi,” Sakura began, softly.

Naruto, surprisingly, barreled over her. “Well then! We’ll just step up and care for you instead!”

That statement completely and utterly baffled Kakashi. He looked away from Sakura to study Naruto, trying to figure out what he could possibly mean. “What?”

“You’re pregnant,” Naruto reminded him, as if he had somehow forgotten. “And whoever knocked you up isn’t around to help you. So we’ll do it. We can figure this all out together.”

Sakura nods. “Of course. It’s a difficult time for anyone. I want you to be as comfortable as possible for the next five months, as a doctor and as your friend.”

Kakashi can’t believe his ears. Dumbly, he repeated, “What?”

“What, did you think we’d leave you out to dry once we learned about this?” Naruto almost seemed disappointed in him. “We’re gonna help you with whatever you need. However you wanna deal with this pregnancy, if you wanna hide it or go public, or the symptoms, and all that stuff, we’ll be right behind you!”

“We’re not deadbeats,” was all Sasuke offered.

“Exactly!” Naruto agreed. “So whatever you want us to do, we’ll do it. Or we’ll figure it all out together.”

Kakashi remained quiet for a moment, simmering in the confident words Naruto had spoken. He wondered, if they knew the truth, the depth of his depravity, if they would still feel the same. The knowledge that Kakashi had allowed Obito to taint him, and the understanding that this child was the spawn of the man who had killed Naruto’s parents, who helped slaughter the Uchiha, who helped launch multiple attacks against their village and killed countless for a meaningless cause, so disillusioned by reality he had given up on it completely...

Would they still offer their support?

“I can’t…” Kakashi felt his throat tighten. “Don’t burden yourself. This child is my-“ punishment, burden- “responsibility. It’s alright, I can handle it.”

Sakura scoffs. “All of us pitched in to help with Kurenai, don’t you remember? Shikamaru took the brunt, but Hinata, Kiba, and Shino were eager to help. Think of it like that, if you have to. But you’re a real moron if you think we’re gonna let you be a single father all alone.”

Kakashi’s head snapped over to her. Naruto laughed. “What, did you think we’d stop caring after the pregnancy? Don’t give us that look!”

“We can talk more later,” Sasuke decides. “Whatever you want to do, we’ll help you do it. For now, you look like you need some rest.”

“No more sparring, for future reference,” Sakura announces. “That’s too much strain on you and the baby. Sasuke is right, so why don’t we walk you home?”

“I know my way home,” Kakashi said, still reeling from the conversation.

“Duh. But maybe we just like being in your company.” Naruto pushes Kakashi's sandals towards him. “Come on, let’s go. Honestly, it’s been such a long day even I’m getting a bit sleepy.”

Bewildered, Kakashi slips on his sandals. Sasuke is already hovering near the door, and Naruto and Sakura are watching him with expectant eyes. Slowly, Kakashi rises from the bed and follows after them, contemplating what they had offered him.

It was somewhat embarrassing that they felt the need to walk him home- being pregnant didn’t make him feeble. But it did make him vulnerable, didn’t it? Kakashi already felt strung out, and he still had five more months to go. At the end of Kushina’s pregnancy, she was struggling to stand for long periods of time, and didn’t enjoy walking great distances. And of course, that was when Obito had struck, and resulted in the death of her and Minato.

Kakashi would be weak, carrying a child. Maybe they were right to treat him like glass. He was so weak to have allowed this to happen in the first place, after all. He really wasn’t hokage material.

“I can hear you thinking,” Sakura chides. “Don’t stress so much. We can figure everything out tomorrow, and the day after that. There’s still plenty of time before that baby comes.”

It’s not just the pregnancy that Kakashi is nervous about, but all the realizations it’s been bringing him. He appreciated her reassurance, nonetheless. Tomorrow, when he has a better head on his shoulders about these things, he probably will be freaking out about how to handle this pregnancy. The public reception, or the trials and tribulations of trying to hide it, and what exactly it means to be carrying Obito’s child…

But Kakashi is tired. The spar from earlier had wrung him out, let alone the emotional spiraling he’s been doing. Kakashi simply nods in appreciation, and spends most of the walk back to his apartment feeling light headed. Naruto and Sasuke jeered at each other, trying to make the usual background noise to their hang outs, and Kakashi appreciated their attempt at normalcy. The sounds of their fighting made his shoulders feel less weighted down.

They climb to Kakashi's apartment floor. He should have shut the door on them when they tried to enter after him, but they were determined, and followed him into his apartment. Sakura and Naruto moved towards the kitchen, investigating the supplies in his cabinets. Sasuke lingered, looking away when Kakashi began to undress, making a note to shower in the morning. He hated going to bed sticky with sweat and still covered in some dirt, but he didn’t have the energy to try to shower. He was lucky he wasn’t collapsing into bed.

Once Kakashi had dressed himself in his pajamas, he did end up collapsing into bed. Sasuke settled himself next to him, and oddly, his presence was rather comforting even if he wasn’t doing anything in particular. For a while, Kakashi was in a haze, on the cusp of falling asleep but not quite able to commit, listening to the racket Sakura and Naruto were making. He should have protested more about them touching his things, but he was almost curious about what they were trying to do.

Eventually, the noise faded. Sasuke nudged him, making Kakashi sit up when Naruto and Sakura approached. Broth was in Sakura’s hands and water was in Naruto’s. “You don’t have to drink all of this, but you should replenish some fluids and get some nutrients in you. Your nausea should be almost over with soon, so I’m sure that’ll be nice.”

The bowl of broth is warm in his hands. Kakashi stared at it for a long moment, then at the water Naruto sets on the sill next to him. Kakashi didn’t think he was a very emotional person, but he felt oddly choked by the simple gestures, the understanding that they were trying to take care of him. This is what they had been fooling around in his kitchen for, and likely why they insisted on following him home.

“Kakashi?” Sakura asked. “Are you alright?”

He swallowed, trying to press down the strange emotions he was feeling. He adjusted the bowl in his lap. “Yes, sorry… just lost in my head again, I suppose.”

Slowly, Kakashi eats the broth. He isn’t very hungry but he is incredibly grateful, so he does as best he can to drink the broth they had made. Sakura and Naruto make idle chatter, Sasuke occasionally chiming in, and for a moment it feels completely normal, sitting in their company, listening to their mindless chatters and occasional jabs at each other. Something in his chest swelled, warm from not just the broth, and he listened to them without really listening, enjoying the lull of familiar voices.

“Man, you really are tired,” Naruto says, Kakashi faintly aware that he’s addressing him. “You look ready to fall asleep.”

“It’s been a long day,” Sakura says, taking the half empty bowl away from him. Naruto nudged him to drink some more water before he takes that away as well, both of them cleaning up.

Sasuke moves away from the bed, but nudges Kakashi to lie down. Exhausted, Kakashi doesn’t fight, and he wonders if he’s imagining the way Sasuke silently drapes the cover of his bed over his body. He curls into the blanket, already on the verge of nodding off.

“I’ll talk to Shizune about lightening up your schedule a bit tomorrow,” Sakura decides. “Obviously, I’m not going to mention your pregnancy, though she’ll probably figure that out herself in another week or two. You’ve been pretty stressed these few months anyway, so it wouldn’t be that strange of a request.”

“Sleep well!” Naruto chimes, unable to stop himself from brushing Kakashi's bangs out of his face. “We’l see you tomorrow, alrighy? Sleep dreams!”

“… thank you,” Kakashi says, unable to push out the raw gratitude he was feeling.

“No need for that. We’ll turn the lights out for you. Get some rest.”

They leave, and strangely enough Kakashi almost doesn’t want them to. He watches as they quietly shut the door behind them, retreating into the night, and Kakashi is left alone in his apartment, unable to fully process the day’s events. For a while he remained completely still, running the past two hours through his mind, but he didn’t have the strength to even spiral about the truth of what had happened and the misguided kindness of his former students.

Finally, Kakashi allowed himself to close his eyes. He just hopes that after ending the day on a surprisingly sweet note, with the tender care he didn’t deserve but was given nonetheless, that his dreams might be even half as sweet.

Chapter Text

Kakashi wakes up the next morning, dreams of hands across his body still lingering on his mind as his eyes snap open, heart racing. It was only a little earlier than he usually rose before wandering towards the memorial stone so Kakashi shuffled off the bed, shoving down the dream and thinking only of having breakfast.

Kakashi still wasn’t hungry, though whether his loss of appetite was still related to his pregnancy or the memories he’s been trying to suppress, he isn’t sure. Nothing sounds appealing, so Kakashi makes something easy and forces it down his throat, feeling as if he was fourteen years old again, trying to convince himself it was worth not starving to death after he finally lost everyone he loved.

He’s being too dramatic. The precious people he holds dear now are still alive and waiting on him. What happened, happened, and Kakashi can not undo what has been done. He has to eat, to keep his strength up in case of an attack, and to make sure the baby gets enough nutrients. He’s really been slacking these past few months, treating his body without the knowledge that someone was relying on him, and it was time he whipped himself back into shape. So he ate his meal, mechanically as it was, because it was unacceptable to continue on the way he had been going now that he knew he was pregnant.

His gaze slid down to his stomach. Just a bump, no longer quite looking like he was just bloated. A hand slowly came to rest on top of it, feeling his stomach through his shirt.

“I’m sorry,” he confessed, soft, hoarse with sleep. There were a lot of things he could be apologizing for- for not properly taking care of himself while it was growing inside him, for being the child of the scourge of the village, for being a child not conceived for love but obsession. Kakashi was sorry for everything, he supposed. He had already failed the child before it had even opened its eyes.

Not surprising. Failing his loved ones was all Kakashi knew how to do. Too little, too late. Never able to save, only able to watch… or in the worse case, push them towards their own self destruction.

“Sorry,” Kakashi continued, “That I killed your dad.”

The absurdity of that sentence almost made him hysterical. He had basically killed Obito twice over. When they were children, and Kakashi had been incompetent enough to fall behind during the cave collapse… and when they had grown, and Obito had revealed who he had become, all because of his noble sacrifice for someone so unworthy. Kakashi had often wondered what would have happened if Obito had not given his life for him, and the thought increased in intensity as the revelation of Obito’s survival- and all he had done before revealing himself- became known.

Minato and Kushina would still be alive, Naruto would have grown up with the love he deserved. Would the Uchiha massacre have succeeded if Obito wasn’t involved? And if the Nine Tails had never attacked, was it naive to wonder if tensions would have risen to the point of launching a coup? Would the village have been attacked so many times, in such a devastating force? And beyond the village, Obito’s meddling was common. Were Nagato, Yahiko, and Konan doomed to the fate their dream would lead them to without Obito’s manipulations? What would Kiri have looked like without him- still doomed to the bloody Mist reputation?

Kakashi knew most of this could have been avoided, if not all, if he had simply been allowed to die. Sometimes, it was hard not to believe he was living on borrowed time, and that it was costing the lives of those around him.

Kakashi couldn’t continue eating. He resigned himself to finding a snack when he didn’t feel too queasy, unrelated to his pregnancy symptoms, and decided to stop dragging his feet and visit the cemetery. Kakashi knew the well beaten path by heart, could find his way to the memorial stone from any point in the village, like a moth to a flame, and mechanically began to walk, his feet guiding him from pure muscle memory as he slunk across town, glad that the sun was only sluggishly peeking over the horizon.

Kakashi lingers by the stone. He had visited Minato, Kushina, Rin, and even his father’s graves a few times by now, after the war was over and Kakashi had recovered. The only one he avoided was Obito’s because he could not bear to think about the incident that occurred months ago, because the ghost of Obito’s sins haunts him even away from the cemetery.

It would be so much easier if he could hate Obito. Hate him, for all the terrible things he has done, hate him for being so willing to cast aside reality in favor of a foolish dream, hate him for so easily and wantonly preparing to devastate entire countries to fuel his so called peace. Kakashi wished he could hate him, but he was partially to blame for how Obito had turned out, and could he truly hate the monster he had helped create? Even during their fight, even when he was resigned to kill him, all Kakashi could think about was the bright eyed boy who promised to see the future with him.

Kakashi didn’t love him, not the same way Obito claimed he loved Kakashi. Kakashi had admired Obito’s tenacity as a child, even if he did find him terribly annoying. And Kakashi grew to love him after he was gone, nothing but a cherished memory for Kakashi to reflect back on, to only understand its value when it was no longer in his hands. Kakashi did love Obito, for loving him enough to sacrifice himself, for reminding Kakashi of the truth of his father’s will, for disavowing the shinobi way of being only a tool for the village. It was an ideology Kakashi spent his life trying to uphold, trying to embody the kindness that Obito had shown him despite both of their rough and tumble ways.

Kakashi loved Obito… or maybe he didn’t. Did he still love the man he grew into? If he didn’t love all parts of Obito, could he claim to truly love him? Is it foolish of him to linger on memories instead of what he had become? But then again, he wouldn’t have become that way if Kakashi had never tainted him…

Kakashi stayed by the memorial stone, offered his appreciation as he always did for names listed, tracing the characters he knew better than his own written name at this point. It took an hour of simply sitting by the stone for Kakashi to work up the courage to wander towards Obito’s grave; despite the empty casket, he had died a hero helping to end the third war, and the village had been willing to grant him a plot instead of just a carved name on the stone. It remained empty, for Obito’s body could again not be recovered, though not many would have taken kindly to seeing him buried here for good.

His grave marker was cracked, broken in multiple pieces. Graffiti covered most of the surface, and trash covered the grassy area. Despite his own complicated feelings for Obito, he could not fault others for defacing the grave. Kakashi had known Obito when he was kind; everyone else only knew his cruelty.

The task of tidying his grave was mind numbing enough that it staved off the anxiety within him. Kakashi collected the trash and scrubbed away what he could, then pushed the pieces together so it was legible again. It reminded him of his father, when the villagers would spit on his grave, because the man’s death was not enough to escape their hate, and Kakashi had quietly cleaned it all away until he could bear it no more.

This time, Obito had actually been the catalyst for the forth war, unlike the blame given to his father for the third. The tensions between the five great nations had never settled after the second war had ended, and anyone who wasn’t a fool could see that war had been on the edge of the horizon no matter what his father had done. But it was easier to blame it all on one man than the systematic failings of the shinobi way which aimed to win instead of finding peace.

Obito, however, perhaps deserved his infamy. Kakashi did not blame those who hated him.

“I don’t understand why you did it,” Kakashi confessed, quiet in the still morning as he kneeled beside his grave. “Or maybe I understand some of it. I wish I could have eased your pain. You had shown me the truth of caring for others, and I wish I could have done the same for you. In that, I failed, and I’m sorry.”

He had missed talking to Obito. He had spoken with him the most over the years, when he didn’t believe he was worthy to speak to Rin, and when Minato and Kushina’s deaths were too fresh. Now, however, it was harder to imagine what Obito would say to him. The image of his youth and the man he grew into could not be superimposed.

“You left me with something,” Kakashi murmured. Just like the last time Obito had died, a part of himself left behind for Kakashi to carry on. “I know you… wanted children…” He squeezed his knees, trying to steady himself. Obito had been interested in having his own family as a child; being an orphan had disinterested Kakashi from having a family, but Obito had adored the idea. What he had said, when they were alone in kamui, was not a reflection of that want. It was a mad man desperate to end all shinobi suffering by killing all shinobi, and suggesting they repopulate the losses he would make. It was not the same desire, for hearth. Kakashi swallowed. “I don’t know what to do.”

The child will obviously be Obito’s. The Uchiha genes are incredibly strong, and at the very least it will be obvious when the child unlocks their sharingan. But Kakashi can’t stand the idea of the baby being raised as the child of a village scourge like Kakashi had under the shadow of his fathers mistake. And he had no intention of letting anyone know what had happened.

He remained still for quite some time, contemplating the future in store for him and the baby. Last night, he had been caught up in what Obito had done. Now, he was caught up in what he should do. How could he possibly hide his pregnancy? And if he didn’t, how could he live with the world knowing the details of his sex? And the inquires about the baby’s father? The drama that would unfold would be unbearable. But how could he hide it for five more months? Kushina could afford to do so because she was not the hokage, so she simply spent much of her time at home, away from prying eyes.

Oh, and how could Kakashi possibly expect to raise such a tender thing? He would be lucky if the child wasn’t born tainted, let alone what would happen from Kakashi trying to raise them. All his hands had ever done was ruin the lives of those around him… he shouldn’t even be allowed to hold the baby when they were born.

Could he give them up for adoption? If he managed to keep the pregnancy quiet, he might be able to make it work. Would Sakura, Naruto, and Sasuke be disappointed in him? Or would they be quietly glad both not to be burdened with his mistake and that Kakashi himself would not be ruining that child’s life by proxy of raising them…?

Footsteps echoed, grass crunching. It was the sign that someone was trying to be loud, to give him warning. If Kakashi was trying, he would have been able to smell them before they even approached. As it was, the person’s gait and the faint aroma of expensive weapon polish told him who it was. It was the same brand Kakashi had recommended to him long before he left the village, promising to bring him some the next time Kakashi was on a mission in the Land of Snow, citing that it was the best he had ever used.

Sasuke must have travelled there after he left. Kakashi wasn’t able to keep that promise.

Sasuke stood silently next to him. Kakashi was half afraid he might scorn him for mourning Obito, who had done nothing but destroy his and Itachi’s life. The reminder of Itachi sombered Kakashi even further, thinking of the boy under his command. Another failure, to stop someone from spiraling down the wrong path.

Itachi didn’t have a grave in Konoha, having died elsewhere, and of course harboring the status of terrorist. Itachi was someone Kakashi held a conflicting opinion on, as a boy who chose the village over his own family, and who continued to make mistake after mistake even when he grew up. Still, he had been a child at the time of the incident, influenced by terrible figures of authority, and Kakashi isn’t surprised by how things turned out now that he knows the whole story.

He wonders about having a grave for Itachi. Sasuke himself holds conflicting feelings for his older brother; understanding of the tough situation Itachi had been put into… but ultimately, Sasuke could never quite reconcile how Itachi had killed the entire clan. And of course, the noxious visions Itachi had given him more than once to show him in detail how he supposedly killed everyone. Would he appreciate Itachi having a grave? Despite all of Itachi’s flaws and mistakes, Sasuke loved him. Itachi was a victim to a greater tragedy in the end… and it would do well for Konoha to have a reminder of their mistakes.

He wonders if Sasuke had been visiting his parents. He had met Mikoto a few times, trailing after Kushina and Minato when they visited her or met her in public. Fugaku he had met on less occasions, but the most memorable moment he could recall with both of them was when Kakashi had came back with Obito’s eyes and the Uchiha clan accused him of bloodline theft. It was suspicious enough that Kakashi could not blame him- the boy he always had a rough and tumble rivalry with suddenly turned cheek and sacrificed himself for him? And his body was buried beneath hundred ton boulders on enemy lines, rendering them unable to recover it?

Kakashi had been near hysterical when it was suggested that he have his eye removed. He was willing to let the Yamanaka’s rummage through his head to prove his story just to make them understand. In the midst of all the chaos, Fugaku had taken Kakashi away from the meeting fraught with tension and barely concealed fear from both parties, and asked him to tell the truth. When Kakashi was done with his story, done begging Fugaku to let him keep the last piece of Obito he had, Fugaku had returned with him to the meeting with a verdict: Kakashi could keep the eye.

Kakashi wondered if the man ever regretted that decision. There were many Uchiha annoyed by his verdict. Tensions with the Uchiha were always present, and bloodline theft was especially an issue with Konoha shinobi. He could never blame them for being so suspicious. He just wanted them to understand.

They remain quiet for some time. Kakashi’s eye itches in that way it always does if he simmers on Obito’s sacrifice for too long. A phantom pain, now that his sharingan was missing. He can never quite figure out if he missed the eye or not now that it was gone… six months ago and he would have given his life to protect the gift he had been given. Four months ago, however… and even now…

Well, in the end, it was Obito who had taken it back, accidentally as it was. Kakashi had taken one of Obito’s hits for Naruto, a slash across the face that had reopened his old scar, and the sharingan was sliced. Obito had lost his mind when that happened, and Kakashi squeezed his knees, trying to ground himself from thinking about all the terrible things that happened next.

Ungrateful, Obito had claimed, to sacrifice his gift for Naruto. Perhaps Kakashi was ungrateful, to even now wonder if his gift had been such a good thing. But he would never regret protecting someone he loved.

He almost doesn’t hear Sasuke break the quiet, his words not registering as he thinks about the eye he had lost, and what Obito left for him in return this time. Sasuke shifts his weight before saying, “There’s still a few hours before you go to work, isn’t there?”

“Yes,” Kakashi confirmed. Slowly, he came back to himself, and felt mildly embarrassed Sasuke had caught him moping around the grave of the terrorist who ruined everyone in this village’s life. He rose to his feet, trying to channel his usual lazy persona back into place, to push back the memories he had been ruminating on, and the anxieties of his new pregnancy. “Is there something you need?”

“Sakura and Naruto are having breakfast. You should join us.”

He already took up so much time last night. They had already done so much for him, and he wasn’t eager to increase his debt with them. Yesterday was already so embarrassing. “Thanks, but I already ate.”

That was half true. Kakashi was planning on finishing his breakfast… later. Sasuke didn’t exactly look convinced, though he didn’t out right call him out. “Sakura is eager to speak to you about about your diet. She has a few vitamins she wants to suggest that you take while you’re pregnant. You should probably talk to her about this sooner rather than later.”

Kakashi realized he really didn’t know what he should be eating while pregnant. Was there something in particular he was supposed to do? Certain vitamins to have excess of? Things to avoid? The only thing he was familiar with was no alcohol; Kushina wasn’t much of a drinker, but Kurenai had to politely refuse offers of beer when they celebrated at bars. He doesn’t remember either of them changing their diets that much. He does remember Minato wheedling Kushina to each more vegetables, although that happened even before her pregnancy came into the picture.

“I see,” Kakashi mused. “If it isn’t a trouble to them, I suppose I’ll speak with her now.”

The invitation to breakfast was simply to be polite. Sakura was actually interested in getting down to business, as a doctor. Kakashi understood, though he was rather surprised she was up so early. The many night shifts at the hospital during her youth had turned her into something of a night owl. Naruto, however, had grown into becoming a morning person, early to rise and cranky when it’s past his bed time.

Wordlessly, Sasuke began to walk off and Kakashi followed at his heels. There was a contemplative silence between them, Sasuke seemingly lost in his own head while Kakashi tried to figure out where they were going. He wonders what Sasuke, Naruto, and Sakura were doing together so early in the morning, especially after their late night yesterday. Did Naruto wake up early, decide to bug Sasuke, and then they went to wake up Sakura to join in? They seemed to be walking in the direction of Sakura’s apartment.

He wasn’t entirely sure where Sasuke was staying at, now that he thought about it. While Tsunade was still in office, she had offered finding some housing for Sasuke if he wasn’t interested in staying in the clan compound, but Sasuke had brushed her offer away. Likely at the time, he had been thinking about traveling away from Konoha after he healed, but now that he had stayed for so long, surely he must have found a place?

There was the faintest hint of lavender on his clothes, the same detergent Sakura used. It was possible he was staying with her; she had moved out of her parents house when she became a chunin, eager for more independence. But Sasuke often smelled of the same spices Naruto would put in his ramen… did he live with Naruto? Now that he thought about it, Sakura sometimes smelled like Naruto’s spices. Perhaps they just had dinner together a lot.

Kakashi hadn’t realized how out of the loop he was. It had only been four months, and only three since he became hokage, but the workload was big enough to cause him to miss out on what they were up to. Kakashi ignored the recourse. This was simply a duty he had to fulfill. As much as they tried to jive him into hanging out, he was sure they probably enjoyed their time together without him around.

“I’ve been thinking,” Sasuke began, in a quiet, contemplative voice, finally breaking the silence. Kakashi focuses in, eager to listen. Sasuke was sometimes a mystery to him now. “We have made an alliance between the five elemental nations and their respective hidden villages.”

“Yes, bad blood had finally been forgotten. Wounds can be healed and forgiven.”

“Shinobi forces, naturally, will decrease in numbers.”

“That is true.” Kakashi has been thinking about that for a while, watching the missions slowly trickle. He’s been pondering ways to turn the skills of a shinobi into being applicable to other jobs. Kakashi, when he could muster the energy to not fall asleep, truly did find the integration of ninjutsu into agriculture or land development or the likes rather interesting. “There will be fewer conflicts, and thus fewer missions. The need to keep a fully staffed and functional army will decline as well. With war no longer consistently on the horizon, the shinobi way of life will certainly look different from what we both grew up with.”

Even the era of peace Sasuke and his generation grew up in was still rife with tension and paranoia. The next war was not an if but simply an eventuality.

“I have been thinking,” Sasuke repeated. “I became a shinobi because my father and brother before me were. I aimed to please my father the same way my brother did. It was a nice pastime to share with my whole family. But… it would be nice to investigate other options.”

Kakashi blinked. “You… want to retire from the shinobi force?”

“I will never stop protecting the ones I love.” Sasuke's tone was quiet but fierce, though Kakashi never doubted him. “And I am ready to help should the need arise. There are some missions I don’t mind doing. But watching Sakura run the hospital and no longer being a full time shinobi has made me consider a different approach.”

“I understand. I can help you file for retirement when you’re ready. What do you want to do instead?”

“I haven’t got that far,” Sasuke admitted. “I didn’t dream of much else as a child. I haven’t figured out a skill that could translate into a job. If you weren’t a shinobi, what would you have done?”

That was a question Kakashi had never been asked. In fact, it was a question Kakashi had never asked himself. His father had trained him to chakra walk while he was still learning to walk. He was learning ninjutsu as soon as he had the coordination to make signs with his hands. Kakashi had graduated as a genin at five and not a year later became a chunin. With that title, he was allowed to serve by Minato’s side on the front lines. By the time the war was officially over, Kakashi had lost two of his friends and Minato had enticed him to Anbu, where he spent the next ten years. There wasn’t a moment of Kakashi’s life where he considered another way.

Obito had said that Kakashi was different from other shinobi. He had learned where few ever did. Kakashi could be saved, if Obito was allowed to fix him… that was proof Obito had gone off the deep end, or was at least hypocritical in his desires. Kakashi was stained deeper than many by the blood on his hands. He had first killed by the sage of six. There was no turning back for him.

Sasuke turned to look at him, a sign he was taking to long to answer. Kakashi lied. “Perhaps I would write books.”

Sasuke’s nose wrinkled, assuming he would write his usual taste in literature. Kakashi doesn’t have a way with words, however. He never felt like he had much of a prose. Sweet talking Tenzo was easy, half because the man was rather gullible, and half because Tenzo actually enjoyed paying for his meals and otherwise helping Kakashi.

“You like going on hikes,” Kakashi remembers. As a kid, Sasuke loved wandering in the deep wilderness. If Kakashi wasn’t careful, sometimes he would wander off. He always found his way back, but it unnerved him greatly when Sasuke wandered out of sight. Sasuke still does so now, from what he’s heard, disappearing to recenter himself or to simply enjoy the beauty of the world. “You could be a nature guide for the civilians and tourists. You could become a botanist or something similar. Maybe a cartographer. Hm, the options are endless, really.”

“I suppose so.”

Further in town, Sasuke takes the lead and guides him towards Sakura’s apartment building. As they climbed the stairs, Kakashi noted it seemed to be on a different floor than he last remembered. He didn’t come here very often before the war, and after the war Kakashi was swamped with work. They tended to go out to eat to hang out anyway.

Sasuke unlocks the door and kicks off his shoes, Kakashi neatly placing his next to him. Sakura and Naruto are in the kitchen, arguing about who burnt the fish when their attention snaps to the arrival of Sasuke and Kakashi. Kakashi waves. “Yo.”

“Kakashi!” Naruto greets, then turns to Sakura. “Get out of my kitchen and go talk to him about stuff. I’m going to finish breakfast.”

“It’s our kitchen,” Sakura whined. “And I am going to talk to him, but not because you told me to!”

Sasuke and Kakashi met eyes. Sasuke had a small, wry smile on his face as he slid into the kitchen, investigating the damage Sakura’s good intentions had caused. Kakashi couldn’t help but look around, noticing Naruto’s plants on the window sill lining the kitchen, Sasuke’s clocks on the coat hanger, and scattered odds and ends that showed more than one person lived here.

Sakura approached, intent to speak with him about something in particular, but all Kakashi could think about was the different shoes piled by the door, each in a different size and style. “Are you three... living together?”

It’s a surprise as much as it isn’t. Kakashi’s just bothered he hadn’t noticed sooner. He really was out of the loop.

“Oh!” Sakura says. “Well, it only happened last month. Sasuke came to live with me once he healed up, and Naruto was always complaining about having to come visit us and living by his lonesome. We decided to move into an apartment together since my old one was too small for all three of us.”

“I would have helped you move.” He sounds far too petulant for his liking. If they didn’t want to update him on everything in their life, that was perfectly fine. They owed him nothing. Just because he was their former teacher and now the hokage does not mean they have to be friends. It was perfectly fine.

“I’m going to become a jonin,” Sakura said with a smile. “We saved the world together. I think we can handle moving some couches.” Sakura paused. “I am sorry we didn’t tell you sooner, though. You’ve been so busy, and we ended up forgetting!”

“It’s nothing,” Kakashi said, waving them away. “Did you want to talk about something?”

“Yes! I was hoping you would come visit the hospital after your shift. I would like to do some blood work to check on you and the baby. I only confirmed your pregnancy yesterday, so I would like to follow up. Oh, and I figured we could talk a little about lifestyle changes you might need to make now that you’re pregnant.” Sakura paused, appearing almost bashful, before barreling on with, “I would like to officially be your pediatrician.”

“Oh.” Kakashi blinks. “Really?”

“Of course! I’m still officially a shinobi focused medical professional, but I have experience in delivering babies as well as things associated before and after birth. I’m happy to remain your pediatrician after the child is born as well.” Sakura clasps her hands together. “I’m not sure how you want to handle going public or keeping your pregnancy private, but I figured you would want someone you trust. Shizune doesn’t have much experience in this, and Tsunade is going to be away for quite some time. But if you would rather have someone else, I don’t mean to push you. I just figured I’d offer.”

It sounds like more work for Sakura. She’s been officially in charge of the hospital since Tsunade had left, and Kakashi has no interest in weighing her down. Last night was embarrassing enough, becoming a burden they felt they needed to care for. “I can’t ask-“

“You’re not.” Sakura’s voice is firm. “I’m offering. You don’t have to chose me, don’t say those stupid platitudes. I want to do it. I’m happy to do it. Seeing you under my care and happy makes me happy, and knowing that your baby is going to be healthy makes me happy as well.”

“You’re already so busy,” Kakashi tries.

“Oh, please. I’m the best medical ninja in this country, in all the five nations.” She tosses her bangs out of her face. “I can handle an occasional additional check up every once in a while.”

Kakashi contemplates. He does want someone he can trust, and he does want to keep this knowledge as limited as possible until he figures out what exactly he’s doing. It isn’t that he doesn’t trust Sakura, and he’s absolutely certain she knows what she’s doing. She wouldn’t offer otherwise. He just hates to be more weight in her shoulders.

“Are you sure?”

“Of course! Like I said, seeing you and the baby happy and healthy is a win for me as well.”

“I see.” He feels uneasy taking up her time. “Then I accept, but don’t strain yourself.”

“I should be telling you that! Have you eaten anything today? Did you sleep well last night? Did you experience any nausea? That should be fading as you ease into your second trimester but having a weaker stomach tolerance throughout the whole pregnancy isn’t unexpected.”

Sakura is guiding him towards their kitchen table as she speaks, pushing him to sit in one of the chairs. Sasuke is lounging in the other, watching as Naruto attempts to salvage their breakfast, and Sakura sits next to him, anticipating a reply.

“I already had breakfast, yes.” Kakashi tries to keep up. “I slept well. And I haven’t felt much nausea today.”

Sakura furrowed her brow, as if knowing he was lying. They watched as Naruto turned the stove off, signifying he was finished, and she acquiesced. “That’s good to hear. We can talk more later when you stop by the hospital. You should eat some more, however. I’d like to see you gain a bit more weight.”

“I can’t cook fancy meals,” Naruto admits. “And ramen is my specialty, but I promise I fixed what Sakura was doing. Here you go, Sensei!”

A bowl is placed in front of him. It’s simple but sufficient, and it isn’t very much. Kakashi opened his mouth to decline, but Naruto ignored him, bickering easily with Sakura as she and Sasuke stood to get their own portions. He had already told himself to try a second breakfast…

All of them sit at the table, offering their thanks, and Naruto begins to chow down. Sasuke complains about his chewing and Sakura snickers at the rice that sticks to his nose. Kakashi watches as they converse, pleased to see them so friendly, to see their bonds as strong as ever, and is content to watch, picking at the meal when they aren’t looking. His chest was warm and it wasn’t simply from the fresh cooked meal.

“I have a shift at the hospital soon,” Sakura says, exuding herself from the table. “I’m going to get ready, but stay as long as you like.”

Kakashi felt mildly confused. “You don’t want to talk more about… pediatric stuff?”

“I figure we can do that when you swing by tonight. Or is there something specific you want to talk about?”

“No. I just assumed…” Kakashi feels slightly confused. “That this was why I was invited over?”

Sasuke’s expression shifts. “It was just an offer to have breakfast together.”

Kakashi frowned. He had assumed they were here to talk about more details surrounding his situation, but all they had done was confirm Sakura as his pediatrician, which they could have done in addition. He’s not sure why they invited him over so early in the morning.

“You have a work shift soon as well,” Naruto stated. “I’m gonna pack you a bento box. Hope you don’t mind leftovers.”

“That isn’t necessary.” Kakashi pushes himself from the table, reluctant to leave their warmth, but feeling almost dizzy with it. “I’m already late as it is. I should go.”

Sakura is off in another room, dressing into her scrubs. Naruto opens his mouth, likely to argue, but shares a look with Sasuke and deflates. Kakashi is feeling wrong footed but remembers himself well enough to thank Naruto for the meal before he all but rushed out of the homey apartment.

It was well lived in, obvious that each other had adopted routines and patterns around the other. It was warm and yet it made Kakashi shiver as he stepped out of the apartment, noting the number for the next time he swings by, and begins to walk towards the hokage’s office, mulling the experience of this morning over and over. It was an odd experience to meet the three of them in the midst of something so obviously domestic…

It was nice to see they had found hearth together. Kakashi pushes away all other thoughts and focuses on that one. It was nice to see them finally together with even stronger bonds than before. It was nice.

There was an odd, warm feeling in his chest that he promptly ignored.

Chapter Text

There’s still mountainous stacks of paperwork for Kakashi to be sorting and signing, but Kakashi did notice Shizune has decreased the amount of meetings scheduled. In fact, he only had two- a discussion with the infrastructure department about using this new opportunity (now that the village had been practically decimated, and was still rebuilding) to increase and expand road ways, and the local fishing guild’s interest in discussing new approved jutsus for their labor.

When Kakashi made a dry note about the lack of visitors, Shizune had chided him on slacking in his paperwork. She left Tonton to supervise him while she ran a few errands, some of which Kakashi suspected were things he was probably supposed to be doing. Shizune had not outright admitted her concern for him and his strange symptoms over the past few months, but Kakashi knew it was growing larger and larger. Sakura might not even need to discuss anything with her; Kakashi managed to disguise the severity of most of his issues, but Shizune was a doctor trained to look underneath the words of her patients, and noticed more than he liked.

Kakashi wasn’t sure how to feel. On one hand, it was nice not to be crowded with both people demanding his immediate attention and decisions as well as tedious paperwork over zoning, budgeting, and other boring topics that were somehow just as important. On the other hand, Kakashi wasn’t fond of being coddled, and he didn’t enjoy how weak this made him feel. The hokages before him could power through horrific situations, so why was Kakashi allowed to fall behind?

Just more proof he wasn’t qualified for the job, Kakashi supposed. He should try to find a new potential candidate when everyone realizes his incompetence. He'd rather leave with grace than be fired. It was a shame Naruto wasn’t ready- but his former student absolutely needed to develop the patience to be dealing with this paperwork and the diplomacy skills to deal with the department heads and potential higher ranking clients.

For now, Kakashi satisfies himself by doing his best. Shizune comes and goes, making asides about what he should be focusing on, but sometimes she stops to actually speak with him. Kakashi had become close acquaintances with her during the years Tsunade was hokage; Shizune was her right hand man in managing inter-village issues while Kakashi managed out of village shinobi related affairs.

Shizune was different than how Kakashi remembered her as a kid, less willing to pick fights or to call someone out directly; though that isn’t to say she lost her fire, because if Kakashi or Tsunade pushed her buttons enough, she could be even scarier than Tsunade. But she had become much calmer and thoughtful as the years went by, as well as generally a bit more anxious. Kakashi is sure his own transformation from a rule following hard ass to a lazy porn reading pervert was probably even more shocking. He enjoys her company and her insights, which are often vastly different from Tsunade, even if they might come to the same conclusion. It was obvious to see how Tsunade had influenced her, but it was equally obvious to see how she had grown into her own, stepping away from Tsunade’s shadow with distinct opinions. Tsunade was good at making difficult decisions on the drop of a dime, but Shizune was reliable for thinking about longer term consequences and logical proceedings.

He liked Shizune, all in all, and it wasn’t uncommon for them to speak with each other. Usually to make snide comments or minor gossip. So Shizune making light conversations with him isn’t surprising.

What is surprising is her attempt at prying into his private life.

“It’s a shame how much this job takes away from our social lives,” Shizune had ideally noted, shifting some of his completed paperwork to the side to be filed away. Tonton opened an eye at the sound of her voice, previously napping, but was content to stay on Kakashi’s lap until Shizune needed her. “I was hoping now that Tsunade was away I could finally score a date. She kept scaring them all off.”

Kakashi remembers Tsunade speaking to him about that before. No one was good enough for Shizune, according to her. Kakashi had never pitied Shizune more than that moment.

“No wonder most kages were either bachelors or already married before being a kage,” Kakashi says. “I barely have time to see Naruto, Sakura, or Sasuke.”

“Still a bachelor yourself then?” Shizune wondered. She seemed both mischievous and thoughtful, a look that frightened him slightly. “In this newfound alliance of peace, I figured you might be more willing to settle down. There’s been an uptick in marriages, now that the fear of more shinobi wars seems to have settled.”

“I’m aware.” He had to sign off on every marriage in the village.

“There’s also been a lot of baby fever,” Shizune continues. “People feel a lot more at ease with having children knowing they won’t be sent to war. I’m sure you’re going to see a large population increase in the next few years.”

Kakashi glanced up from his paperwork. Shizune was casually sorting through a stack of papers, body language completely at ease. That was suspicious- Shizune was naturally rather anxious, and always had a slight tension in her muscles, constantly prepared for a fight or flight.

“I’ve always sort of dreamed about settling down,” Shizune continued. “I was always on the move with Tsunade as a child. Even before, when my mother died and I shifted hands to my uncle, then to Tsunade. It would be nice to finally get that picket fence life with someone I love. I don't know if I want to have kids, however. Have you thought much about this? We’re not so far apart in age, and some say we’ve already missed our prime when it comes to matters of love and family. I know you’ve been even busier than I with recovering and this new position, but we’re in an era of peace we’ve only ever dreamed of. It’s been making me curious, if you have the same thoughts as me.”

“I’ve never thought about settling down before,” Kakashi admitted. “I never assumed I would be in a position to do that.”

That much was true. Kakashi assumed he would be dead by the time he was old enough to think about marriage or children. Instead, he kept scraping by, miraculously surviving every suicide mission he was granted. When he lived past twenty, Kakashi figured he was on borrowed time and wouldn’t see twenty five. When he was twenty five, he figured he wouldn’t see thirty. And the past two years they had been dealing with the Akatsuki and the fourth shinobi war, and Kakashi had assumed he would die during these skirmishes. He had made peace with the thought during the fight with Obito, for the boy who saved him to be the one to kill him, to take back the time he continued to borrow from those around him.

Kakashi was supposed to have died when he was eleven. Obito gave him more time than he deserved.

The thoughts of marriage, of the intimacy required between lovers beyond a one night stand was still so frightening Kakashi could barely conceptualize it. The idea of someone loving him in spite of all his flaws and being willing to spend the rest of their lives together was horrifying. Either they were utter fools to not recognize the bad luck charm that he was, or they loved him enough to not care. Kakashi was unworthy of either their naivety or their devotion. But there was no one out there that could love him like that.

Obito had offered. Obito had promised a beautiful future together, his unending devotion. Obito had promised that all of his flaws could be fixed.

… and Obito had yet again been killed by his own hands for his efforts.

“But now that you are?” Shizune prodded.

“Ah, weren’t we just complaining about how busy our jobs are?” Kakashi misdirects. “I fear I won’t be in that position until I retire. And as fearsome as a shinobi Naruto became, I’m afraid developing the diplomacy and patience for this job will take him several years… and by that time, I may truly be aged out of my prime, as you said.”

“I doubt that. Even if you grew old distastefully, you’re a highly acclaimed shinobi. I’m sure there are many interested in Hatake Kakashi, the Copy Ninja- or now, the Rokudaime!”

Kakashi isn’t sure he would ever enjoy hearing that title. It only brings him dread. “Is it love if my suitors only care about my accolades? And im certain many would rather point their eyes towards someone younger, more charming, and more relevant. Whatever they see in me could easily be sought in Naruto, the hero of the world.”

“You sell yourself too short,” Shizune chides. “And you’re purposely misunderstanding me! I just mean to say it won’t be hard for you to find interested people. Though I wonder if you’re just playing humble… perhaps you already have a secret lover?”

Kakashi snorts. “By all means, if you think that’s true, good luck proving it.”

“A scandal would be a great way to kick off your political career,” Shizune blithely replies, and Kakashi chuckles. “Well, I hope you think more about all of this. Soon, we’ll feel the ripples of peace time, and I think your position as the hokage will mellow out. I imagine it might be difficult to juggle lovers or children, but not impossible. You have a lot of precious people in your life now.”

Shizune shifts the paperwork back. “You ought to get this stack filed today. The budgeting department has been growing quite agitated. I’ll deliver the mission reports you’ve finished to the storage room.”

Kakashi slides the stack in question towards her. He watches as she leaves and the realization dawns on him as the door closed shut. Perhaps Shizune was genuinely curious in his plans… but it was likely only because she knew. Sakura herself stated it was only a matter of time before Shizune figured it out. But how? His symptoms translated to pregnancy only if one assumed he could get pregnant, and the only person alive who knew beyond his former students was Tsunade, who was the only person cleared to do medical treatment with him. Minato had changed all of his paperwork to reflect his gender, and most everyone forgot that Hatake Sakumo had a daughter instead of a son.

Kakashi had already been declaring himself as a boy, and belittling those who “mistook” him as a girl after his father died. He was so young that it wasn’t hard for people to assume they had misheard the grapevine talk of Sakumo’s kid being a girl that no one really thought twice. Those who did, well… the sharingan he was later gifted with quelled those thoughts.

Tsunade could have remembered him as a girl, he supposed. She was friends with Jiraiya, who was friends with his father. But talk of Kakashi the Copy Ninja should have dispelled that notion, and she seemed genuinely surprised the first time she operated on him and learned his true body. Before, Kakashi had simply put the nurses who treated him under genjutsu to forget what they saw, and that was the same way he acquired his birth control. Tsunade had enough of his respect that he didn’t even try, and he was getting at that age where he supposed he should have his equipment properly checked over.

Then again, he had known Shizune as a child. It was possible that when she figured the symptoms lined with a pregnancy, she recalled the confusion of his gender when he was very young. Tsunade mentioned remembering he was Sakumo’s daughter, but all the discussion of him as a boy after his death, and of course twenty years passing by after, made her assume she had misremembered. Perhaps Shizune remembered as well. Most people could remember the initial confusion, but most Kakashi either put under genjutsu or simply assumed they were mistaken when they were corrected by Kakashi himself. And after twenty years, the confusion was completely forgotten- who was bold enough to claim that Kakashi of the Sharingan, the Copy Ninja of Konoha, with nearly a decade on Anbu service under his belt and a kill count longer than the River this village was settled near, was actually a woman?

Unless, of course, they had actual reason to suspect such a thing.

Kakashi rubbed his forehead, feeling a headache come on. It was bad enough his former student knew, but now the truth of his pregnancy was already spreading it had barely been twenty four hours before Kakashi himself had learned of it. He was a fool to think he could actually keep this covered up. He would have to go public, and the whole world would have to learn that yes, actually, those old memories you had of Kakashi being a girl was true, and Kakashi had stupidly gotten himself pregnant. His skin was crawling at the idea of everyone knowing exactly what was under his shirts and between his pants, the knowledge of everyone seeing him noticeably pregnant, stomach swelled. The idea was so noxious Kakashi felt so nauseous he had to brace himself against his desk, waiting for the feeling to settle.

The past twenty years tricking and lying his way into his own manhood, wasted. The whole shinobi world would know the truth, and all of his efforts had been pointless.

And everyone will want to know who the hell got Hatake Kakashi pregnant.

And everyone will eventually learn the answer, because clearly Kakashi can not hide these types of secrets for forever. His privacy is a sham, and everyone will surely notice when the child is born that they’re the spitting image of Uchiha Obito, a boy Kakashi already had a history with, a man who had captured Kakashi for an extended period of time. What would they assume? That Kakashi had willingly spread his legs for the man threatening to devastate all five elemental countries when the infinite tsukuyomi proved a failure? Or is it worse for everyone to know that Kakashi had been defiled unwillingly, and was too weak to stop it from happening?

Kakashi could feel Obito’s hands pressing down on his wrists, successfully pinning him down while they had fought. Mokuton growing to tie his wrists together while Obito began unzipping his jacket, hands tracing over his body, babbling about how they believed in the same future. Obito had ripped open his shirt, revealing the sight of his breast, and Kakashi had seen the wheels turn as the truth of his body simmered, and quickly his hands were forced down his pants, cupping his sex, and terror raked across his spine when Obito smiled, a cat that got the cream, and-

“Oink?”

Kakashi hadn’t even noticed that he had stoped breathing. Tonton had lifted her head, nudging Kakashi’s stomach before looking up at him, curious. She had stopped his spiraling thoughts and Kakashi, with a hand shakier than he liked, settled his palm on her head and gave her a few pets in quiet gratitude.

… Did Shizune start leaving Tonton in his office for this reason? Did she know this, too?

Tonton oinked at him again, coercing him to keep petting her. It made Kakashi miss his ninken for a few moments, wondering what they would think about the situation he had gotten himself into. It felt almost embarrassing to tell them the truth… but the dogs were rather incessant on being kept updated, especially after the time Kakashi lost his eye and Kakashi had forgotten to them until a year later, when they had seen him use the sharingan in battle. They had been wondering why he constantly smelled like Obito…

Again, Tonton nudged him. Kakashi sighed. “So demanding today, aren't you?”

He’ll have to tell them eventually. Now that he thinks about it, the last time he had them out, Bisuke had noticed he smelled slightly off. Kakashi attributed it to the stress of staying in the hospital, but now he wondered…

Kakashi cut that train of thought off. He’ll have to tell them eventually, but that was a bridge he could cross later. For now, Kakashi shifted all thoughts of things to do later into a box to sort through- well, later. He continued to sign documents, enjoying the weight of Tonton on his lap, keeping him grounded as he read about this or that.

The rest of his shift was quiet. There was another meeting, this time with someone requesting a mission to help find some of the precious things they lost while the village was under attack. Other than that, it was mostly Kakashi and Tonton, blearily signing the rest of the paperwork away, and Kakashi was pleased to find that half of his desk was cleared off by the end of his shift. There would be more tomorrow, he’s sure, but it had been a long while since he felt like he was actually being productive, the never ending cycle of paper being removed only to be added back twice over while he entertained meetings.

Shizune appeared later to take Tonton home with her. Kakashi was too cowardly to confront her, too eager to stay in denial rather than confirm what she was thinking. It’s entirely possible he’s overthinking their conversation. Shizune and him were close in age, it isn’t impossible for her to simply be curious about his own long term plans, especially now that they’re working so closely together.

Kakashi still leaves the tower faintly uneasy. He tries to shake off the feeling by the time he wanders into the hospital, and makes himself respectable (slouched, apathetic, porn in hand) when speaking to the secretary about meeting with Sakura. Her schedule is clear for the next hour or so, and Kakashi is allowed to enter her office for a meeting.

Sakura is delight to see him for some reason, brushing aside her own mountain of paperwork on her desk and the large cup of coffee she had been drinking. “Oh, good! I was worried you’d be holed up in your office all day again. I’ll go ahead and draw some blood. We can let those tests run while we talk.”

She was clearly prepared, already pulling out the supplies from her draw, kept sterile in their plastic seals. She moves from her desk to his side, and Kakashi remains as still as possible wile she searches for his veins. It wasn’t that Kakashi was afraid of needles, but there was always an unease that came from having something sharp and pointy aimed at him or pushed in him, even if he knew it’s function. Sakura takes as much as she needs, earning him that she was going to deliver it to the lab for the tests.

She wasn’t gone for long, thankfully. “I’ll set up the privacy seals and we can start talking.”

Sakura moves swiftly around the office, locking the door and making sure the room was soundproof. Kakashi couldn’t shake the slight unease at being stuck inside a windowless, locked interior room, but Sakura gave him a kind smile that made his tensions fade slightly. He’s never been particularly claustrophobic, but a lack of alternative exits always makes him a bit on edge.

“I think it’s easier to start with what not to do during pregnancy,” Sakura started. “A lot of the high risk stuff doesn’t really apply to you, unless you’ve been smoking cigarettes with Shikamaru this entire time. Avoid alcohol consumption and limit caffeine intake. Try to eat smaller fish like salmon and shrimp- larger fish may have too mercury levels to be safe. And also no sushi or raw foods in general- you have a weaker immune system, so you’re more prone to illness, including the bacterial sort. You don’t take medication in general, but if you think you need to, just double check with me before you do.”

That’s not too difficult. Kakashi nods in understanding and Sakura continues.

“I would say keep your physical activity minimum. Obviously, physical injury to the abdomen is bad, which is why sparring is totally banned. You also want to avoid your body temperature rising too high, as that’s bad for the baby. But keep in mind as well that your joints and ligaments are looser now so it’s easier to injure yourself. You could probably do some mild exercise, but pace yourself and be aware of your limits. Swimming, running, weightlifting are all still viable.” Her eyes harden. “No challenges with Gai.”

Kakashi deflated slightly. Their challenges had decreased over the months, since Gai was still recovering. While Gai was more than willing to push past his own physical limits, and if he riled up Kakashi enough he was too, it was no longer just about Kakashi’s own limits. He forgets how much he misses their silly challenges whenever either of them are too incapacitated to do anything.

“Your habits and routine really shouldn’t be changing that much,” Sakura noted, leaning against her desk. “You’re a very fit and active person. I doubt I need to really lay out a diet plan for you or anything. I am going to recommend you take some a supplement, just to make sure you’re hitting the requirements for folic acid, iron, calcium, and vitamin D. Most people take some form of prenatal supplements.”

She rummages around in her desk before pulling out a bottle, sliding it over to him. “The only other things I want to emphasize is that you get good rest and eat all your meals. Pregnancy takes a lot of energy, and you don’t want to stress your body too much. That isn’t good for the baby or you, after all. Okay?”

Kakashi nods. These aren’t very hard instructions, most of it involves things he already does. Yet he’s feeling slightly overwhelmed, knowing that the child is solely dependent on him, on his ability to provide and care. Everyone Kakashi has promised to protect ended up dead once, and the fear of this happening to the baby made his chest tighten. No one deserved to bear his curse, but especially not such an innocent life, born from complicated circumstances but completely pure nonetheless.

“Are you alright?” Sakura asked.

“Certainly.” Kakashi’s thankful he managed to keep a steady voice. “Is there anything else I should be aware of?”

Sakura is watching him with a keen eye. She relents. “You’re in the second trimester, so your nausea should fade and you’ll feel an increase in energy. You’ll want to be eating more, gaining ten to twenty pounds is ideal by week twenty. New symptoms, however, can include heartburn, back pain, ligament stretching, swelling in the hands and feet, or…” Despite her professionalism so far, Sakura finally breaks, blushing slightly at what she says next. “An increased sex drive.”

She tries to brush right past it. He’s sure the only reason she’s flustered is because she’s talking to someone she knows. It’s probably weird, too, to think about her old sensei having sex.

“But! During your second trimester, that’s when the baby starts moving around!” She clasps her hands together, looking quite excited. “You should feel your baby kick by week twenty!”

Oh. Kurenai had offered to let him feel Mirai kick, but Kakashi had been pathetically scared to do, afraid he might somehow taint the child if he did. He remembers Kushina and Minato were excited about Naruto kicking around- and apparently, he kicked quite a lot. Once the novelty wore off, Kushina complained quite a bit about that (even if she found it genuinely charming). Back then, fresh from Rin’s death, Kakashi had made excuse after excuse not to touch Kushina’s stomach, nauseating visions of reaching inside and grabbing the infant like he had with Rin’s heart plaguing him.

Kakashi stared at his own stomach. He wasn’t sure what he was feeling, knowing that there was someone growing inside him. A bunch of cells that would grow into a real person he could interact with. A real person he could hurt. His skin crawled, thinking about them kicking, proving they were inside him, that this wasn’t just a terrible dream.

That’s cruel, isn’t it? It isn’t the baby’s fault. Kakashi was just weak enough to let this happen. It was just a terrible dream because Kakashi shouldn’t be allowed near infants. Kakashi shouldn’t be allowed to have children.

“Kakashi?” Sakura asked. He had been quiet for too long. Kakashi usually wasn’t too stuck in his head all the time, but he’s realizing this pregnancy has made him more emotional than he usually is.

“Interesting,” was all he offered for a moment. No, he should be more enthusiastic. That’s the correct response. And he did feel a small joy in the idea; it was just hidden behind clouds of dread, knowing that he was responsible for such an innocent life. “Incredible.”

“I’ve been wondering,” Sakura begins, biting her lips. “Well, I’ve been a medical shinobi for years now. I’ve delivered babies from lots of women in lots of different circumstances. It’s true that it usually occurs between lovers, but it’s also true kun- well, shinobi in general, given the risks of this profession and the aggressiveness it cultivates- have a high rate of-“

Kakashi stands, knowing damn well what she’s about to suggest. He thinks he’s feeling that symptom of heart burn right about now. “I just realized I forgot to tell Shizune about a meeting with the utility company next week. I should probably let her know, I wouldn’t want to forget again.”

“Kakashi.” Firm, yet so horribly soft. Kakashi isn’t deserving of that softness. Kakashi isn’t deserving of pity, nor is he interested in it. “We don’t have to talk about it, but-“

“He’s dead.” He knows he’s dead, he helped kill him. Yet the sentence still leaves him breathless. “Whatever you’re thinking happened, it didn’t. It’s just…”

Kakashi gripped the back of the chair he had been sitting in, knuckles tight. It wasn’t- it wasn’t the same as what happened to other people. Kakashi was weak, stupid, and- Obito had loved him. And all Kakashi had done to repay him was to kill him again. No, it wasn’t what Sakura was going to suggest. Kakashi didn’t- he didn’t want it, he didn’t love Obito the same way, but he had been stupid enough to let Obito do it anyway.

”I could fix you,” Obito whispers. ”You’re not like other shinobi. You learned. You can be saved. My love will fix you, will get rid of all the flaws the shinobi society wrote into you. You’re salvageable. Let me be your salvation.”

Obito had loved him. Obito had only wanted to fix him. Kakashi was broken long before Obito and him were alone in kamui together. Kakashi deserved far worse than a testament of Obito’s love.

It was different.

“I miss him,” Kakashi admitted, softly. It was true in the most awful sense. He had missed Obito for twenty years, wishing that he could have been a better friend, a person that deserved his initial sacrifice, that deserved the eye he gave him. And Kakashi missed the boy Obito was when he revealed himself a grown man, shattered in the wake of his sacrifice and Madara’s influence.

Kakashi misses him, misses who he used to be, misses the man that he couldn’t convince to see the beauty of the world. Kakashi didn’t love him the same way, but maybe he could have, maybe Obito still could have saved him if they had convinced him that condemning everyone was not the answer, if he could have reminded Obito the same truth he had taught him all those years ago. He misses Obito, and misses what they could have had, as friends or lovers or whatever else their future could have had in store.

It was a truth Sakura accepted. Whether she knows who it was, whether she believes it was consensual or not, Kakashi doesn’t know. But he can see that she’s satisfied with the answer, and mildly guilty.

“If you ever want to talk about it,” Sakura continues. “I’m always willing to listen. Not just as a doctor, but also as a friend.” Kakashi opens his mouth but Sakura continues on. “I just worry about you bottling this in. You’ve done enough of that already.”

“It’s fine,” Kakashi placates, ignoring the look on her face. “Don’t worry. I’m taking this pregnancy seriously, and I have no intention of harming the baby. I’ll keep my stress low, I’ll follow all of the instructions, and I’ll make sure they’re born happy and healthy.”

Sakura’s brows wrinkle at his answer, but Kakashi can’t bear to look at her anymore. He reaches for the vitamins and places them in his bag while Sakura seems to search for the right response. Kakashi asks, “Are the results done?”

“I care about you as well as the baby, you know. Stress is bad for both of you.” Sakura gave him a long look. “The blood work should be done. I’ll be right back.”

Kakashi stays in the office while she walks away. The urge to flee is quite strong, but he figured he should stick around and make sure nothing's wrong before he gives in to his desire.

He lets out a quiet breath, thankful he managed to hold off Sakura’s prying. She means well, and if her fears were founded it would be kind of her to offer support. Kakashi is a different case, however, not worth such sympathy, and hopes she won’t press the matter after this.

Sakura returns, studying the paperwork. She doesn’t appear alarmed, thankfully. “Everything looks good. You’ll need to increase your vitamin D intake, but it seems like your body is doing well.”

“Good.” Kakashi let out a quiet breath. “I should go talk to Shizune. Thank you for meeting with me.”

“It’s not long before I get off my shift,” Sakura says, attempting to sound mild. “Sasuke and Naruto are already home. Why don’t you come over for dinner?”

As if he hasn’t intruded enough today. She must really pity him; maybe the sob story of a dead lover was too much. “Ah, I have leftovers I don’t want to spoil. Maybe another time.”

Kakashi jumps ship before she can say anything else, almost frantically unlocking the door as he slipped away. He had someone relying on him, so Kakashi was going to scarf down dinner, but he felt slightly dizzy from the conversation he just had. There was too much to think about, to worry about, so Kakashi focused on placing one foot after the other as casually as possible while exiting the hospital, trying to maintain his “hip” demeanor, so Gai calls it.

He can spiral when he’s home and no longer in the eye of the public.

Chapter Text

Kakashi spent most of last night listless in bed. That really wasn’t an entirely new occurrence, unfortunately, and he had been especially prone to doing so during the month long recovery period Tsunade had forced upon him after the war. Despite how much Kakashi tried to simply forget most of what happened during the fourth war, and tried to shut his eyes to the memories of the third war the recent events were making resurface with a ferocious cruelty, it wasn’t always successful.

Kakashi had thought he was doing better, that he had finally gotten over that slump. Sure, the nightmares lingered, and sure, he would sometimes zone out when he was alone, and sure, he could sometimes feel phantom hands across his body, or his sharingan eye twitching and itching… But he had stopped spending hours lost in his own head (if only because he was now too busy to afford to do so with this new position) and had made himself at least somewhat functional.

It had taken all of Kakashi’s strength last night to cook a simple meal, and he almost didn’t have any left to actually eat it. If he wasn’t the sole caretaker of his child, he probably wouldn’t have, but the reminder that his body was not his to abuse anymore gave him just enough energy to force something down his throat. After that, Kakashi had sat down on his couch and proceeded not to move for the next twelve hours, thinking about what he was carrying now.

Kakashi had never entertained the notion of having children, even when he was a child himself. Once he had killed Rin with his own hand, Kakashi understood the fundamental truth that he could not be trusted to take of things that are sweet, lovely, and innocent. Kakashi was not just tainted, liable to corrupt those around him, to stain their white lily petals with the blood on his hands, but that same bloodied hand could crush those petals. Kakashi would not just ruin but destroy, and he became all the more aware of the idea when Kushina was pregnant and the phantom visions of ripping open her stomach frequently visited him.

Kakashi had killed the boy he admired twice. Kakashi had ripped out his best friend’s still beating heart, her rib cage fragments buried in his flesh. He had sat idly by while his sensei and his lovely wife died. Kakashi was so poisonous those around him fled- his own genin team had destabilized and dissolved after just a few months under his care; he had failed so badly in taking care of those kids that one had run off to join a terrorist and the others fled to better teachers.

He shouldn’t be allowed to have a child, and it was a cruel twist of fate that the last gift Obito had given him was a child Kakashi was unsuitable to care for.

And oh, Kakashi was a cruel bastard, because there was a voice in the back of his head that loathed the gift he had been given. He was content to forget what happened between him and Obito, content to pretend that Obito had never and would never do such a thing, that Kakashi had not warped the man he loved so horribly that his dream of hearth and acceptance would twist into blind obsession. But now, he was given a reminder of what had happened, and the child had been conceived through no desire of Kakashi’s own, and there was a small part of him that almost resented that fact, that he would have to deal with a constant reminder of Obito’s corruption and cruelty.

It left him feeling sick, knowing how unfair it was for him to blame something so small and innocent for such a cruel act. The child didn’t ask to be conceived, and if Kakashi had been stronger or better prepared he could have avoided this altogether. It isn’t the child’s fault, to be the spawn of Obito’s obsession and Kakashi’s failure, and it isn’t fair of Kakashi to push all of his own faults onto the child to bear.

Kakashi simply doesn’t know what to think. There’s a part of him terrified of being left in charge of such an innocent soul, another part resentful of such a task, and a part grateful for a gift from Obito. Obito’s legacy didn’t have to be such rot and ruin, and Kakashi could be given a second chance to do right by him, by loving the child he was given, by protecting it and keeping it safe from all the horrors he had exposed Obito to by letting him die in that cave. But Kakashi was not made to nurture or love, Kakashi was not made to do anything but break whatever he holds in his hands, and he is so terrified that he will end up ruining this child.

The fear is near paralyzing. Kakashi drifts in and out during the night, dreaming of dead children, past and future corpses, and the blood on his hands.

Alas, morning came, and it took a resounding effort for Kakashi to rise from the tomb his couch had become. The village needed him, to help rebuild and grow, and it was Kakashi’s duty to provide guidance, despite how ill suited he was for the job. The child he loved and feared was reliant on him for nutrition, so Kakashi painstakingly tried to eat something and took one of the vitamins Sakura prescribed him.

His nausea seemed to be decreasing, though part of him felt constantly sick at the reminder of what had happened and what he must do now. His stomach recoils but does not rebel, and Kakashi reluctantly dressed himself and walks out the door, an hour later than he usually is.

Shizune is waiting for him, opening her mouth likely to scold him, before she pauses, silent as Kakashi slides into his chair. Tonton leaps from the stack of papers she was nestled on and oinked at Kakashi to pick her up and place her on his lap to continue napping. The morbid thoughts from these past two days made him hesitate to touch her, aborting his movement to reflexively pick her up, and instead he settled for a gentle pat on her head before turning to his paperwork, hoping that would suffice. He didn’t deserve to touch sweet creatures.

“You look sick,” Shizune finally said, and the blunt words almost made him laugh. She blushed at her forward behaviour, but her eyes were stern when she said, “I’ve been reluctant to say anything, because your symptoms were mild and they didn’t seem to interfere with your daily life. But as a doctor, and frankly as a friend, I think you should get a check up.”

“Sakura has already cleared me,” Kakashi mildly answered. “She gave me a proper check up yesterday evening. I’ve just been…”

He hates to admit how stressful this change has been, even disregarding the fact that he was carrying a child. Being a hokage was a terrifying amount of power he would be having for long term. It was different, being a mission leader for up to weeks at a time. It was even different being a commander, because Kakashi was tasked to make quick decisions, but the ultimate authority on any matter was not technically him- he was still receiving orders from the alliance headquarters. Now, Kakashi was in charge of the stability and livelihood of every single person in this village; not just ensuring they survive a mission, but ensuring peace and prosperity and safety for the foreseeable future. Every action he takes as the hokage of this new era is the stepping stone for Naruto and the generations after him, and he feels the pressures keenly in even the most mundane tasks.

“Stressed,” Kakashi settles on.

Shizune looked as if she had plenty to say about that. She glanced over at Tonton, who was huffing and sighing about Kakashi ignoring her, and bit her lip in thought. “You saw Sakura?”

“Shinobi’s honor,” Kakashi stated, earning a wry grin from her.

“Alright,” Shizune acquiesces, picking up Tonton and placing her on Kakashi’s lap, making him sigh. Tonton oinked in glee and quickly settled, content to nap on a nice, warm, soft spot. Hesitantly, Kakashi scratched her head like he would with his ninken, and she snuffled in appreciation. “I’m going to help Sakura with a few things at the hospital. There’s been an influx of requested missions, so I’d recommend tackling those before anything else today.”

Shizune leaves him be, and for a long while Kakashi is alone, sifting through the missions and approving or adjusting them accordingly. Most were about finding items or animals lost during the destruction of the village, so Kakashi sends some of the genin teams to complete the easier missions. He calls a tracking team of Hinata and Kiba to investigate the disappearance of a child; Akamaru sniffs at Kakashi curiously, and for a brief moment Kakashi is almost frozen in terror by the idea the dog knows what happened. Kiba and Hinata speak to themselves about the mission, and Kakashi stares Akamaru down, slowly shaking his head. The dog only cocks his head curiously, but doesn't say anything to Kiba as they leave the room to complete the mission.

Kakashi makes a mental note to not interact with any of the Inuzuka dogs for the next few months and continues onward, assigning missions where he saw fit. This continued well into the afternoon, and Kakashi is only half way through the stack when the door to his office bursts open, Naruto slamming it shut behind him, rushing towards the desk.

“I hear there’s more missions!” Naruto cries. “Give me an S rank!”

“We only have D ranks,” Kakashi lied, just to get under his skin. Naruto cried out on agony as if he had been struck before his resolve hardens and he grips the desk tightly, leaning over so close their noses nearly touch.

“That’s not true! Kiba said you assigned them a B rank!”

“The last one I had.” Kakashi shakes his head in mock pity. “A shame you didn’t come here early enough. But since you are here, there’s one interesting mission requiring you to mow someone’s lawn-“

“I saved the world,” Naruro whined. “I’m gonna be hokage! C’mon, push that onto some other sucker!”

“Perhaps you need a lesson in humility.” Kakashi pretended to be thoughtful. “And you are still a genin, after all- I can’t in good conscience send you out on anything higher than a C, can I?”

“I’m a hokage level shinobi! You know this! Stop teasing!”

“But the paperwork says another.” Kakashi leans on his hand, enjoying the frustration bubbling from Naruto. “There’s been a discussion about hosting another chunin exam next year. Perhaps if you want better missions, you might participate in that.”

“You can’t be serious. I’m gonna blitz all those little kids!”

“What did I tell you once?” Kakashi stroked his chin. “Hm, there are kids younger than you that are more powerful than me. The truth still stands. And I think you exaggerate yourself too much.”

“Kakashi!” Naruto whines.

“The kages and I have been discussing a revamped version of the chunin exam.” Truthfully, it was only himself and Gaara in correspondence regarding this. Gaara had offhandedly mentioned that the war had taken out many high ranking shinobi, and it would be good to have a chunin exam to replace them, but they both felt the current standards wouldn’t fit the vision of the shinobi future they both had. “It feels suitable that such a high level rank would require actual academic knowledge as well as quick thinking. I suggest you begin studying if you want to pass that portion of the exam, instead of wasting time whining to me about missions.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“Can’t I?”

“You’re so cruel!” Naruto whines. “And to think I brought you lunch!”

A bento box was presented to Kakashi, slammed hard enough on the table the lid cracked slightly. Kakashi stared at the offering in both amusement and confusion, slowly lifting the lid to find what Naruto had made. Rice, fish, and a few vegetables greet him, eyeing the eggplant packed away in particular as Naruto puffed his chest, awaiting a verdict.

“If you think bribery will help you…” Kakashi began, investigating the fish, looking nice and tender. “… hm, what sort of hokage would I be, to so easily corrupt with the promise of such goods?”

“You’re awful,” Naruto complains. “Well, it wasn’t meant to be a bribe, but if it works in my favor even a little, I’ll take it. Can I at least have a B rank mission?”

While Naruto eyes the stacks of paper of his desk, Kakashi eats some of the fish. Naruto’s quite the capable chef, though if he’s living with Haruno “burns everything” Sakura and Uchiha “knows and only eats three specific dishes” Sasuke, he probably had to be. It’s the first time Kakashi has actually enjoyed a meal these past few days, so Kakashi decides to compromise.

“One of the farmer’s cattle has gotten loose,” Kakashi idly states.

“That’s not a B rank!”

“There are fifty animals for you to find,” Kakashi continues, watching Naruto’s expression fall. “You are supposed to bring each of them back to the farm. The farmer admits the cattle are rather temperamental- he tends to take in the animals other farmers don’t want to handle.” It was a B rank only because of the scope of the mission, but Kakashi added, lying, to sweeten the deal, “There’s also been a few reports of cattle thieves in the area.”

Naruto groaned. “Don’t you have anything more exciting?”

Kakashi waves a hand, picking up the scroll in question to hand to Naruto. “Fifty cows is no small thing. Good luck!”

Naruto takes the assignment, grumbling, and Kakashi continues to eat the lunch given to him. If it wasn’t a bribe, Kakashi isn’t sure why Naruto bothered, but it was a pleasant meal nonetheless. With a full stomach, it became easier to sort through the rest of the missions and examine who would be best suited for what, as well as figuring out which could be waited on and which were emergencies.

Consumed by his work, Kakashi didn’t realize how late it was until Naruto stomped back into his office, covered in mud. He began to tell a long tale about how he started tracking each cow individually with his sage mode before remembering he could use his shadow clones to send them off to search for the cows, and that the farmer sure wasn’t kidding when he said they were temperamental, because convincing them to come home was harder than finding them.

“I finally brought the last one home,” Naruto whines, “and it kicked me into a pile of manure!”

Kakashi eyes the mud that was caked on to Naruto.

“So the farmer let me take a shower, and you know what happened after that? Once I stepped out of his house and started to head back here, one of the other cows kicked me into a mud hole!” Naruto tossed his hands in the air. “Ungrateful bastards! I hope they all become steak! I’m going to be eating beef ramen from now on!”

“I thought you preferred pork.”

Tonton’s head raised. Naruto made eye contact with her and then began to wave his hands frantically, as if to defend himself. “Not anymore! I mean, ah, I would never! Pigs are great- as friends! Cows are evil and deserve the meat grinder.”

Satisfied, Tonton went back to napping. Naruto sighed in relief, and Kakashi couldn’t help the smile that was making his lips twitch at his antics.

“Well, at least the mission is done with,” Kakashi says, eyeing the mission scroll on his desk that was just as caked in mud as Naruto was. He was probably just going to throw it away, seeing how Naruto gave him a full oral recount of what happened, and he had no intention of touching that thing beyond to toss it away.

“You’re telling me,” Naruto said. “Ugh, maybe I don’t want to do any more high rank missions for a while.” Naruto hums, tapping a finger to his chin in thought. “You know, I meant to mention this earlier, but I was wanting to change my mission availability.”

Kakashi tilted his head. “Hm?”

“I wanna take missions that aren't very long,” Naruto decides. “And I want them to be close to home.”

Kakashi leaned on the table, curious. Naruto had never been very picky when it came to high rank missions if they were suitably “cool enough”, so these stipulations feel strange. “And what’s brought this on?”

“The war got me thinking,” Naruto admits. “About a lot of things, really, but this past month I’ve really been thinking… about what the village means to me, and what I want from it. So I think I want to spend more time here, helping to rebuild it, and connecting with all the people in it, in the way I was never able to as a kid.”

“I see. I can find a few preference forms for you to fill out again.” Many shinobi had other jobs, and thus requested to avoid or to take specific missions because of it. It couldn’t always be taken into consideration, especially when they were low on shinobi like now, but it can help. Kakashi’s form had been blank since he first filled it out, willing to take any and all missions, and it was never updated because that resolve never changed.

“But, I know a mission I do want to take on!” Naruto’s eyes glimmered. “I wanna be your Anbu guard!”

“No,” Kakashi stated without even thinking.

“Oh, come on!” Naruto whined. “I’ve noticed you don’t even have an Anbu guard!”

“It’s wasteful to keep around such talented shinobi when there are other more important missions they could be doing,” Kakashi simply said. “And I do not think I could spend an entire shift with you without snapping.”

“Very funny.” Naruto crossed his arms. “Well, think on it at least a little. Being your guard would be good for me, because I can also train as your successor at the same time! It’s killing two birds with one stone! And you have some nice company!”

“No,” Kakashi stated again.

“Think about it,” Naruto cried. “I’ll never bother you for an S rank mission again, because protecting you is an S rank mission! Hell, you don’t even have to pay me! I’ll do it for free if I gotta! I like spending time with you, and I like protecting you- um, well, I like protecting the ones I love in general! And you won’t be wasting any man power, because I told you I was already interested in staying in the village anyway! See?”

Kakashi sighed. There was a part of Kakashi that had been dreading sending Naruto away on missions; both because of the general fear of sending those he loves on missions to die, and because he knows, much as he didn’t want to admit it, that he would miss Naruto. He had grown close to all of his students during the war, and he’s been shying away from sending them on missions so far from home. He’s selfish, really, to try to keep them so close when it’s obvious they don’t need him, but Kakashi has always been selfish when it comes to his precious people.

“You’re not in the Anbu,” Kakashi reminds him.

“Then I’ll join!”

“Absolutely not.” This was something Kakashi simply would not budge on. His days in the Anbu were the darkest days of his life, and he could not imagine allowing Naruto or any of his former students to participate in some of the crueler missions Kakashi had done. In truth, Naruto was simply not a man meant for wading through the shadows of the shinobi world; none of them were, not even Sasuke.

Something in his voice seemed to tip Naruto off not to bother fighting him in this. Naruto shrugged, then said, “Well, I don’t even need to be in Anbu. I think it’s way more intimidating for me to not be hiding around anyway. Just think on it, alright? I don’t really like that you don’t have a guard. I know we’re in an era of peace and all that, but I’d be a lot happier knowing you were protected.”

Naruto seemed to be trying to figure out how he wants to say the next part. It’s a moment that makes Kakashi reflect on his growth, to try to not only say the right thing but also in the right way instead of rushing ahead of himself. “It’s not that I think you’re weak. You’re Hatake Kakashi, the Copy Ninja of Konoha! You’re the hokage! But it's bad to only rely on yourself for protection- it’s important for everyone to protect each other, no matter how strong you are. And you mean a lot to me, so of course I want to protect you. Or at least, I want to see you protected.”

Naruto paused, hesitant for a moment before continuing, “And, well… you’re carrying precious cargo. I want to protect that baby, too. You’re not weak, but as you get more pregnant and stuff it’ll be harder for you to protect yourself and the kid. So I wanna be around to protect both of you, because I care about both of you.”

The earnest look on Naruto’s face makes Kakashi unable to look at him. As much as Naruto tried to reassure him that he wasn’t weak, he was wrong. If Kakashi wasn't so damn weak, this never would have happened in the first place. Obito wouldn’t have successfully had sex with him, and hell, Obito wouldn’t have been in a position to even try. If Kakashi wasn't so weak, Obito never would have died in that cave. Kakashi would have been strong enough to survive, or strong enough to accept his misfortune and die like he was supposed to.

Kakashi is weak, too weak to be a hokage, and too weak to protect his own child. Yet it felt like a waste of his talents. He wasn’t worth protecting, and having the most powerful shinobi as his guard dog felt like complete overkill.

But his child was worth protecting, wasn't it? Then again, was it fair to ask Naruto to look after the child when he didn’t know the circumstances of its conception? If he knew the child was Obito’s, would he be so willing? Obito, who had killed his parents and destroyed his home more than once… it wasn’t fair to ask Naruto to protect him and the consequences of his own failures.

“I’ll think about it,” Kakashi lies, quietly shuffling the papers on his desk.

Naruto didn’t look convinced, but he didn’t fight it. If Naruto was serious about this position, his plan was likely to try to wear him down. Kakashi might be weak, but he believed he was strong enough to withstand that, at least. “You better. But hey, hasn’t your shift ended?”

Kakashi glanced at the clock. He had managed to go through most of the backlogged missions, and there was nothing that needed his immediate attention. Kakashi dreaded going back to his apartment, anticipating another night of his mind aimlessly wandering, but he did need to eat dinner, and he did need to rest. He had to take care of his body, and as much as he wishes he could overwork himself, it wasn't an option.

Kakashi rose, placing Tonton on his chair for Shizune when she’s finished with her errands. “I guess so.”

“I’ll walk with you,” Naruto decided, trailing after him as he began to move away from his desk. Kakashi sighed but allowed him his company, the two walking the short path to Kakashi’s apartment. He was supposed to move into the hokage’s house eventually, but it felt so intimidatingly large and Kakashi had been pushing that move off for a while. Besides, the jonin quarters he lived in were incredibly close to the tower, so if anything went wrong he was still easily accessible.

It wasn’t unpleasant even if it wasn’t near as loud as he was used to. Naruto remained contemplative but chattered mildly about anything he happened to see; Kakashi let the words pass over him like water, knowing he wasn’t expected to respond. The walk is short, and Kakashi is surprised when Naruto begins to climb the stairs of the apartment complex with him.

“Can I borrow your shower?” Naruto asked, leaning on the doorway. The mud on him had dried, so he wasn’t leaving a residue behind, or Kakashi would have kicked him off the stairway. “It’s such a long walk back to my place and I hate how sticky I feel. Please? I won’t take too long!”

Kakashi wrinkled his nose at the thought of all that dirt in his home. “No.”

“Please!” Naruto clasped his hands together and gave him the biggest, wettest eyes he had ever seen as he pled.

“You live barely ten minutes away,” Kakashi pointed out. “You could body flicker if you’re that desperate.”

“But I used so much chakra trying to find those stupid cows,” Naruto whined. “And if I go home like this Sakura will actually kill me! She’s always complaining about how dirty I am- which isn’t true! She’s just convinced I haven’t changed since I was like, twelve, in that regard, and she keeps believing Sasuke when he makes a mess and pins the blame on me. But this’ll only prove her right. Take pity on me!”

Kakashi sighed. “Fine. Don’t make a mess.”

“You’re the best!”

Kakashi allowed him (regretfully) into his apartment. It seemed Naruto was trying to be at least a little respectful, toeing off his shoes and carefully walking across his apartment, trying not to get mud everywhere as he sought out his bathroom. Kakashi listened to the shower turn on and sighed before investigating his cabinets, searching for something simple to eat. He was tired, and he admittedly was due to go grocery shopping, and for some reason nothing sounded particularly good.

He was fixing some rice when Naruto left the shower, loud footsteps as he approached the kitchen. “Uh, do you mind if I borrow a pair of pants?”

Glancing up, Kakashi was struck by the sight of Naruto leaning against the doorway, a single towel wrapped around his waist. Naruto had grown up in more ways than one, with a stocky build his muscles complimented, rippling with every slight movement. His hair was wet and beads trickled down the nape of his neck, across his collarbone, and slowly slipping down his chiseled abdomen, curving slightly when they travel across his pec. It was clear Naruto had grown into his manhood well, his boyhood features smoothed away into who he was now. His pudgy cheeks were gone, his jaw sharpened in turn, and the awkward gangly limbs Kakashi had once known were confident and well defined.

Suffice to say, Naruto was a man now, and the realization made Kakashi dizzy.

He was taking too long to answer. Naruto cocked his head, and Kakashi struggled to remember what he had even asked, preoccupied with the distinct understanding that had dawned on him. Pants. That’s right, Naruto needed pants, or else he would have to go home buck naked.

Kakashi flushed and pushed past Naruto, thankful for his mask. “I’ll grab a pair.”

Naruto followed him towards his dresser where Kakashi searched for a pair of pants. Naruto leaned against the furniture, watching Kakashi as he searched for a pair that would fit him. He’s been negligent on his laundry recently, and many of his pants had difficult fitting him now that he was sporting a small bump. The pair of pants in his hands made him wonder if he should start investigating new clothes to wear, since it wasn’t just fat he had accumulated like he thought, but something that would only grow bigger as time progressed. He can’t wear his hokage robes forever, and they’re eventually going to show the swell of his stomach anyway.

Fighting back the slight terror such an idea had brought him, he handed the pair to Naruto. “These are old, so they might be a bit tight.”

“At least we’re about the same height now,” Naruto cheerfully said, taking the pants before heading back to the bathroom. Kakashi took a sigh of relief, grateful not to have Naruto’s naked body so close to him, and wandered off back towards the kitchen, wondering why he felt a mild heat settled in his stomach.

It wasn’t long before Naruto reappeared, in the process of zipping up his pants, and Kakashi realized giving Naruto a tight pair of pants to wear might have been a mistake. The fabric stretched around his calves, enhanced the definition of his powerful thighs, and brought careful attention to his ass when Kakashi had been granted a side profile view. The pants did little to hide the bulge of his crotch, and Kakashi could feel his face warm as he darted his eyes away from Naruto.

“You weren’t kidding about it being tight,” Naruto said, not a phrase Kakashi wanted to hear. “Wasn’t sure if I could fit.”

Naruto lingered by Kakashi, centimeters away as he hovered to watch him cook. Kakashi could practically feel his body heat and swallowed. “You can leave your clothes. I have my own laundry to do, anyway, so I’ll wash them later.”

“You’re the best!” Naruto investigated the eggs Kakashi had on the counter. “Making dinner?”

“Yes.” Kakashi watched as Naruto picked one up while he searched for a pan. “Shouldn’t you be heading home?”

If Naruto recognized the hint, he ignored it. “Don’t tell me this is all you’re eating!”

“I need to go to the store tomorrow,” Kakashi admitted. He was too tired to bother trying to cobble together anything else with what he had left, but he didn’t want to admit that.

Naruto immediately began digging through his cabinets, investigating what Kakashi had left. Kakashi sighed, giving up trying to stop Naruto, and didn’t even bother reprimanding him on his poor manners. Naruto produced an onion, some spices, some cheese, and a handful of vegetables Kakashi had left in the refrigerator. There was a determined look on his face as he took the pan from Kakashi, chiding, “You’ve got enough around here to do better than this! I’ll make some omelettes!”

Kakashi furrowed his brow, remembering that Naruto had already brought him lunch. He reached out, placing a hand on Naruto’s to stop him as he was about to crack an egg. Naruto glanced up, and the warmth of the stove and the shower must be the reason his cheeks were dusted with a faint pink sheen. “I appreciate what you’re doing, but I can cook for myself. You already brought me lunch.”

“Come on, it’s no big deal. I like cooking!”

“Let me repay you,” Kakashi decided, smoothly taking the egg from Naruto. Kakashi hadn’t cooked a meal for another person in ages, admittedly. The last time he could remember doing it was when Gai’s father had died, and he had learned to make the curry his father had made him when Kakashi’s father had died. The bittersweet memory ended up strengthening his resolve, and he forced Naruto away from the stove, expertly cracking the egg with one hand as he began to make the omelettes Naruto had suggested.

Naruto watched his every move, curious, and perhaps Kakashi showed off a bit, chopping the onion with professional accuracy and speed, mildly pleased with how Naruto’s expression turned delighted, watching Kakashi expertly chop the vegetables Naruto had found. He diced the tomato into perfectly even cubes and chopped the spinach into fine pieces before adding them to the eggs in the pan.

“Wow!” Naruto cheered. “I guess it makes sense that you’d be good at all the knife work. I’ve seen you with a kunai. Kinda funny, how shinobi skills translate into mundane things.”

“I used to cook,” Kakashi admitted, measuring the spices with his eyes as he added them in. He shifted the rice off the stove top to a cold burner, letting it rest, and began to flip the omelettes, Naruto watching him. Just to show off, he flipped them with the pan, pleased when Naruto gasped in excitement when the omelette landed perfectly back onto the pan.

“Really?” Naruto asked, munching on the leftover cheese. “You didn’t seem the type to care about this sort of thing.”

“I was a bored kid,” Kakashi settled on. “But I learned a few interesting recipes during my missions away from the village over the years as well.”

“Do you know any good ramen ones?” Naruto wondered, watching Kakashi plate an omelette before making his own. “You have to teach me!”

“They all have vegetables in them,” Kakashi teased.

“I’m not twelve anymore,” Naruto grumbled, then added, “Besides, they’re more tolerable when they’re cooked. And anything can taste good in ramen.”

Kakashi smiled as he finished cooking. The meal was filling and pleasant on his tastebuds, better than the plain eggs and rice he had planned on making. He didn’t think he had the energy to muster up anything better than that, but cooking for Naruto had somewhat invigorated him. He still felt rather drained from a hard day at work, but Naruto discussing ramen recipes with him made him feel a little lighter.

The meal was finished and yet the conversation continued. Kakashi has been so busy these past few months he forgets how much he enjoys the company of his former students. The banter between them is easy as Naruto talks about this or that, and in the back of his mind he wished he could capture moments like these forever.

Like all good things, the moment ends. Kakashi’s exhaustion isn’t entirely cured by Naruto forcing himself into his apartment, and he can feel his eyelids droop and flutter as the night continues. Naruto notices a long gap in the conversation when Kakashi is struggling to keep his eyes open, and he must be half asleep already because the fond look Naruto has when he notices him nearly falling asleep at the table makes his heart skip a beat.

“I’ve kept you up past your bedtime, huh?” Naruto teases, standing from his chair. Before Kakashi can even try to swat him away, Naruto picks him up, cradling him close to his bare chest. Kakashi’s face burns as Naruto carts him towards his bed, gently settling him on his mattress, and even going so far to tuck him in.

“I can walk,” Kakashi pouted. “And don’t tuck me in like some sort of child. I’m nearly twice your age.”

“You’re barely in your thirties,” Naruto said, rolling his eyes. Kakashi tries to swat his hand and stop him but Naruto dodges, continuing to pull the blankets up to his neck. “And if you’re so offended, pretend I’m just babying the actual baby in you. Now get some sleep!”

Naruto ruffles his hair before walking off. Kakashi is already drifting when the light turns off, but he only barely bites his tongue fast enough to avoid asking him to stay. Sakura and Sasuke are waiting for him, after all, and he had already spent so much time with him today. Kakashi was so greedy with his precious people.

Despite the thoughts of doubt, Kakashi drifts into an easy, dreamless sleep.

Chapter Text

Kakashi wakes up the next day… surprisingly refreshed. Instead of rotting away on his bed, unable to get up for hours on end until he’s expected to come to work, Kakashi actually manages to get up as soon as he wakes up, feeling almost rejuvenated. A good night’s rest really was important for one’s mood, and it probably helped that he ended yesterday on a good note.

Yesterday also reminded him of his threadbare kitchen. He’d been putting off grocery shopping for a while, his lack of appetite making him uninterested in investigating the market place, and the assumption that he had gained a bit of weight made him mildly embarrassed about being seen in public.

Kakashi investigated his clothes. He didn’t want to wear the hokage robes and attract so much attention. Everyone would recognize him anyway, but the robes always make everyone act so much more formal towards him. Kakashi struggles to find something loose enough to cover his stomach, and wonders if this is finally his sign to go clothes shopping. The flak jacket he wears is getting uncomfortably tight…

Embarrassed but determined, Kakashi finds an old cloak and settles on covering himself with that. Winter has settled across the country, so it wouldn’t be too out of pocket, even if Kakashi wasn't one to get cold so easily. He liked his uniform routine of jonin blues and a flak jacket, and changing up what he wore ninety nine percent of the time probably wasn’t helping his confidence.

Still, Kakashi needed food. He could use a transformation jutsu, but that felt like so much work just to buy some goods, and he knew a few of the vendors gave him discounted goods since he frequented them so often, so he didn’t want to have to give that up with a disguise.

He left his apartment and began to slip into the morning crowd, investigating the bustling market place. A few people greeted him, without the formality the robes usually brought, and Kakashi was even roped into a bit of small talk with some of the farmers and fishermen he bought his produce from. It was a nice reminder, having simple conversations with the people he was in charge of, to know that they seemed to think well of him and enjoyed his company.

Fish, vegetables, and fruit were slowly accumulated as he scouted the markets for the things he routinely buys. He forgot how much he missed cooking actual recipes with good ingredients; he’s been eating simple meals for a while now, even before the revelation of his pregnancy, too busy to bother with time consuming tasks, or too tired after work to muster up the energy, or too nauseated to even try.

He’s sniffing at a bundle of carrots, debating on if he needs such a bulk amount, when he feels a familiar presence. He turns to find Sasuke at the stall next to him, curiously investigating some lemons, and Kakashi was mildly amused to find Sasuke holding what was definitely a grocery list. It was sort of funny, seeing Sasuke do something so mundane, when just months ago he was listed as a terrorist against the village.

Obviously, Sasuke had changed quite a bit during the war, and through his eventual confrontation with Naruto. It made sense that he would now be running errands in the village he lives in. A few people eyed him cautiously, but this must be common enough over the past few months that the vendors only give him a look before allowing him to buy something.

Kakashi decides not to bother him, but Sasuke looks up in time for them to make eye contact. Sasuke places the lemon back and begins to wander over towards Kakashi, a nosy glance to the food Kakashi had already bought before greeting casually, “Good morning.”

“Yo. Forced out of the apartment by Sakura and Naruto?”

His guess was correct. Sasuke let out a long, suffering sigh that was only half playful. “It’s supposedly a method to reintegrate myself in society.” He pauses, contemplating, before admitting, “I haven’t bought food from the market in ages. I’ve certainly never bought lemons before. When I was buying food for myself, I tended to buy the same things over and over again.” Reluctantly, he added, “They keep sending me out to buy produce, but I haven’t ever had to figure out the ripeness of a lemon before.”

The mild irritation at being forced to figure out something so trivial, and not being able to do it, has Kakashi’s lips twitching. “Who complained about the lemons you brought home last time?”

“Both of them.” Sasuke made a slight face. “They were too bitter, allegedly, which is what lemons are supposed to be.”

“Lemons are sour,” Kakashi mildly corrects. He starts to walk towards the lemon stand, Sasuke following after. “I guess you bought an underripe one. Green lemons have their benefits in a palate, but I think you’ll want to buy lemons like this one.” He picks up a vibrantly yellow lemon, Sasuke watching him with an intense look, as if analyzing all the qualities that made this lemon perfect. “The general advice is to pick a lemon that feels heavier than its size implies. That means it’s juicy. Smooth skin and a vibrant coloring confirms it’s ripeness.”

“I see,” Sasuke says, picking the lemon from Kakashi's hand. Understanding, he picks up two more that match the qualifications; the shopkeeper has a funny look on her face at the sight of the hokage teaching a former terrorist lemon ripeness, but accepts the ryo without much more fanfare.

Sasuke trails after Kakashi, fulfilling the list he was given while they made idle chatter. Kakashi quietly nudged Sasuke into picking out better produce, Sasuke offering silent gratitude, clearly tired of the pickiness of his roommates, and Kakashi was mildly entertained by seeing Sasuke do such domestic things.

The smell of something sweet caught Kakashi’s attention and he noticed a vendor selling confectioneries. Sweet pancakes and cookies and a few other items lined the table of the booth, and for some strange reason, the chocolate cookie on the far left had captured his attention. Kakashi furrowed his brow in thought; he isn’t a fan of sweets on a good day, but for some reason the idea of eating a dessert was oddly alluring.

Sasuke had noticed his staring, peering thoughtfully at the item Kakashi was internally debating about. He raised a brow, curious about Kakashi’s change in palate, but silently approached the stand. Kakashi blinked in surprise when Sasuke bought the pastry, then blinked again when Sasuke offered the item to him.

“You wanted it, right?” Sasuke asked.

Did he? Kakashi wasn’t sure why it sounded good. He had a distinct dislike towards things that are sweet, and the only chocolate he enjoyed was the extra dark stuff he used to mooch off Kurenai when Asuma would bring her some from his trips.

He took the item from Sasuke, debating. Sasuke politely averted his eyes, pretending to peer thoughtfully at the stand full of jewelry next to them, and when Kakashi was sure no one else was looking at him, he took a quick bite of the pastry. It was shamelessly sugary, something that would have made him wince just a week ago, but Kakashi found himself chewing thoughtfully, oddly enjoying the flavor. Even as a small child, his father could never bribe him with sweet treats, and the disdain only grew as he got older.

“You’ve bought a lot of groceries today,” Sasuke notes.

“You haven’t,” Kakashi stated, noting the small bag Sasuke was carting around. It seems he had been sent for a few odds and ends, making Kakashi wonder if he had forgotten them the first time (unlikely) or if Sakura had been allowed in the kitchen and ruined the ingredients he was repurchasing (possible) or if Sasuke was just that bad at picking out ripe fruit they sent him to get replacements (also possible).

“They send me to the market almost every day,” Sasuke complains. “Either because Sakura felt bold enough to try to cook, or they had some sort of craving.”

It wasn’t exactly subtle, but Kakashi’s own confusion about his tastebuds wasn’t, either. He remembered Kushina’s pregnancy cravings well- still always eager to have ramen, but she developed a taste for pickles along the way. Kurenai never mentioned having cravings, though when they ate together Kakashi noticed she ate a lot of oranges during her pregnancy.

“Did you get everything you needed?” Sasuke casually asked, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “I’m honestly a bit sick of coming here.”

Kakashi chuckled and began to lead the way out of the market, Sasuke at his heels. Silently, Sasuke plucked one of the bags Kakashi was carrying, and when Kakashi objected, he gave him a bored look and walked faster to avoid Kakashi trying to take it back. Kakashi sighed but didn’t feel like fighting it, and Sasuke looked mildly pleased when he caught up to him and didn’t try to take the grocery items back. Sasuke followed him all the way home, taking another bag out of his hand when he began to dig for his keys, and Kakashi rolled his eyes.

“I’m not that feeble,” Kakashi reminded him. “Don’t treat me like some elderly woman that needs help crossing the street.”

“It’s social etiquette,” Sasuke blandly stated. “Or something. Aren't you guys always telling me not to be so rude?”

“And since when have you started listening to us?”

Sasuke follows Kakashi into his kitchen, depositing the bags on his table. He quietly watched as Kakashi put things away, eyes lingering on whatever Kakashi had bought, and he couldn’t shake the mild feeling Sasuke was judging his tastes. It didn’t bother him; it isn’t like Sasuke had a chef’s palate.

“Is it late enough for you to go to work?” Sasuke drawled, peering at the clock. Kakashi pretended to study it, placing a finger on his chin in thought.

“I suppose it’s acceptable. Fashionably late, even.” Kakashi puts away the last of his groceries, sending Sasuke a curious look. “Hm, something you need?”

“I wanted to discuss a semi-retirement with you,” Sasuke stated and Kakashi nodded, remembering their earlier conversation a couple of days ago.

“Sure. Let’s go now, then. I don’t have anything scheduled.”

Sasuke follows him, making a stop to his apartment to put away the groceries he had bought, and they carry on to the hokage’s tower. Shizune greets Sasuke cordially before leaving to file a few of the mission reports Kakashi had gone through the other day. Kakashi shuffles through the paperwork on his desk, checking over what had been added, before searching for the forms Sasuke was interested in.

“So what exactly do you want to do?” Kakashi asked, curious. “Would you still be interested in ranking up to chunin? I teased Naruto about going through the chunin exam again, but I think it would be good for him to work his way up to a jonin before he guns for the hokage position, if only to give him a wider range of experience both on and off the field. A chunin team requires three people, however. Sakura is allowed to re-take the chunin exam, and I’m sure Naruto would like to have you as his third.”

Kakashi found what he was looking for and slid the paper towards him. “I don’t mind either way. Do whatever you wish. I’m simply curious.”

Sasuke seemed to be rolling the idea around in his head. “Would we actually have to retake the chunin exam?”

“If you want a higher rank, I’m afraid so. Nepotism can’t get you a promotion.” Kakashi tapped his fingers on the desk. “Well, not in this case.”

“I assume it will be a while before the chunin exams take place,” Sasuke mildly replied. “All of the countries suffered damage in the fourth war.”

“Yes, and with a greater emphasis on unity, I would think having the chunin exams would result in even greater correspondence and cooperation than the system in play. But it gives you time to think while the exam is being prepared for.”

“And Sakura would be allowed to participate again?”

“Since the chunin exams are different every time, a chunin of similar age and experience to their team is allowed to re-take it, with the understanding that if they fail the second time, their rank will be stripped. Obviously, you can’t be taking a jonin along, or even a chunin with ten years of experience, but some leeway is allowed, especially if you’re on the same team.” Kakashi’s gaze drifts. “I was allowed to retake the exam with my genin team. I’m sure the same thing will be allowed for Sakura. But if you are interested, I would recommend not waiting too long. Sakura is interested in becoming a jonin, eventually.”

“And so would Naruto,” Sasuke adds, tapping his fingers on his arms.

“You don’t have to make any decisions now. Just food for thought to chew on, I suppose.”

“I doubt either of those exams would be hard to pass. I suppose I wouldn’t mind increasing my rank. It would allow me to complete A and S rank missions.”

“Don’t get too cocky. There are other important skills than just fighting. But between you and me, I would be willing to assign those missions to you now, if you’re interested.” Kakashi leaned back in his chair. “The only reason I deny Naruto them is both to tease him and to get him to take the idea of becoming a chunin seriously. He’s unconventional, sure, but even if he saved the world, it’s a bit hard to look past his very lacking official track record. It would be good to fluff up his resume a bit if he’s serious about becoming a hokage and so he can understand how the conventional shinobi world worked. You, on the other hand, already expressed interest in retirement, so if you want an occasional S rank mission, I don’t particularly care. You don’t really need a resume builder. Though I’m not sure why you would be interested in such high rank missions?”

“Escorting the hokage is an S rank mission, no? Since it’s mainly done by Anbu, I assumed it would be high ranking.”

“Ah, interested in escorting Naruto when he’s hokage? That’s sweet!”

Sasuke remained quiet for a few moments, appearing contemplative. “Naruto expressed interest in being part of your Anbu guard, yes? He was talking about that yesterday. But I can’t trust him to protect a carton of eggs. I figured I would accompany you on those types of missions. Truthfully, those are the only missions I’m interested in doing.”

Kakashi frowned, trying to understand. “You want… to escort me?”

“With a shinobi alliance, I expect you’ll be traveling frequently.” Sasuke shrugged. “Sakura would likely be busy with the hospital most of the time, so you would mainly be escorted by Naruto, I imagine. Call it pity. And because I can’t imagine spending weeks alone with Naruto would result in anything but him getting maimed by the end of it.”

“I don’t know. Getting stuck between both of your squabbling doesn’t sound like much of an improvement.” Kakashi’s lips were twitching towards a smile.

“I suppose life is just constantly picking the lesser of two evils.”

“You’re lucky I love being with my cute little genins!”

“I hate when you call us that,” Sasuke groaned. “Maybe that’s the best motivation to become a chunin.”

“Then you’ll be my cute little chunins!”

“Gross.” Sasuke pulled the form closer to him. “I think I’m fully retiring now.”

Kakashi lets Sasuke fill out his form in peace, reluctantly doing his own paperwork. It was cute watching Sasuke carefully read each line of the form and carefully write his answer, particular in word choice and in the stroke of his pen as he worked. Sasuke eventually finished, gave it a thoughtful once over, and slid it back to Kakashi.

Most of the answers consisted simply of “I don’t want to” regarding his reasoning for being pulled from active duty. Kakashi chuckled. The only missions he specified being interested in were the S rank escort and guard missions related to protecting the hokage. “Nothing else you’re interested in?”

“No.”

“I might as well just fully retire you,” Kakashi considers. “But I guess formality will be important these few years in the alliance, so if you are genuinely interested in tagging along, I’ll keep your status as active.”

He approves the form and sets it to the side. Sasuke opens his mouth to say something when the door to his office is once again kicked open, Naruto rushing inside with a flurry of movement. “I’ve figured it out!”

“You have?” Kakashi said, blandly.

“Instead of becoming your guard, I’ll just hire myself as your new chief aid or whatever. That kills two birds, one stone.”

“You can’t hire yourself,” Sasuke states.

“Can too!”

“Can not.”

“Can too!”

“Do I get a say in hiring you?” Kakashi asked, leaning on his palm. “As your superior and employer?”

“Nope,” Naruto decided. “Besides, it would be nice to give Shizune a break, no?”

Kakashi does actually consider that counter. Shizune had complained a bit about how busy this job kept her; and she had been doing it for quite a few years under Tsunade as well. It would be nice to give her a break, or at least divvy up her responsibilities.

“You won’t be my guard,” Kakashi states. “You’ll be my assistant.”

“But I can guard you while I’m assisting you,” Naruto states. “Two birds! One stone!”

Kakashi sighs. It would be good to introduce Naruto to administrative work, but he’s afraid Naruto simply doesn’t have the patience for that. His insistence on guarding him is making him a bit uneasy as well. If Naruto was only interested in assisting him, he wouldn’t be so hesitant, but knowing he also had a misplaced desire to protect him and a child he owes nothing to makes him pause.

Sasuke senses his hesitancy. “You’re being too pushy, Naruto.”

“Huh?” Naruto looked ready to pick a fight with Sasuke, before he caught eyes with Kakashi. Whatever he saw must have convinced him that Sasuke was right, because his expression twisted into contemplation. “Hm, I guess it would be a big change…” He claps his hands together. “Why don’t I come in once a week, huh? We can work our way up to me actually being your assistant. Maybe I’ll shadow Shizune a couple of days and see what she does.”

Naruto nods to himself. “Yes! That’s a great plan! I’m hired, right?”

“If I said no, would you actually leave?” Kakashi asked.

“Obviously not.”

Kakashi sighed. But it would be nice for Shizune to have some help, and even Kakashi would appreciate the extra hands around the office. As long as Naruto isn’t ’guarding’ him, or spending too much time doing that, Kakashi supposed he could live with this arrangement. Naruto’s patience with paperwork wouldn’t be drawn thin with just one day.

“Alright,” Kakashi decided. “Every Friday, you can come here and I’ll teach you a few things. Every Thursday, you’ll shadow Shizune and offer her any help that she needs. Understood?”

Naruto cheers. “I’m going to be such a great assistant, believe it!”

Sasuke contemplates. “It isn’t Friday, but we are already here. Could we help with the paperwork?” Sasuke eyes the stacks of paper on his desk. “I shouldn’t be surprised that someone as lazy as you is slacking so much. You probably need all the help you can get.”

For that comment, Kakashi will punish him with the most boring reports he has: tax proposals. Kakashi slides those towards Sasuke and pushes the slightly more interesting academic proposals he’s been receiving from Gaara about shinobi education to Naruto. “I’m not going to say no to free labor.”

They spend their afternoon doing menial tasks. Kakashi reads through the mission reports from yesterday but contemplates developing a more effective system. He would like to have something in place by the time Naruto takes office; this bureaucratic business seems full of inefficiencies. He doubts Hashirama or Tobirama had to deal with this much busywork, and Hiruzen seemed the sort to enjoy constant mindless work. Minato wasn't hokage long enough to try to change the way things were ran, and Tsunade was barely interested in running the ship as it was. Konoha was larger than when it was founded, with a larger civilian section than it started with, and with a shift in the shinobi culture, perhaps it was time to shift the work of the hokage as well.

Kakashi spent most of the day ruminating on the idea. The council was supposed to act as a secondary aid to the hokage, so maybe revamping those positions a bit could help shift all this paperwork. He needs to be electing the new members soon: Danzo was dead and gone, and tragically, Homura and Koharu had the same fate, considered killed in action during the war. How tragic.

(Once the truth of the Uchiha massacre came to light, and Kakashi had made good on his word to investigate the incident some more, the willingness of those old bastards to collude with Danzo was realized… So suffice to say, Kakashi wasn't interested in working with those pieces of scum anymore. They were products of a bygone era, and their biases had no place in current society. He remembers well the trouble they often gave Tsunade as well, and if he was going to be hokage, he wasn’t interested in playing nice with such monsters).

Kakashi makes a few idle notes about splitting the work across the three different branches and having different sectors be in charge of different departments. That was a long term strategy, however, though it will influence who he wants to elect as the new council. He’d already been mulling over which classmates of Naruto’s to pick- his entire generation had proved themselves well in the shinobi war, though he was interested in specific competencies to match the variety of work he was given to look over.

It was somewhat strange, planning things for the long term. Kakashi had planned month long missions before, but goals spanning across years was strange. Kakashi himself had never even planned his own life out beyond living day by day, and there was something strange in realizing just how much time he had left now. No longer was he thinking in terms of days or weeks but by years- it would be years until Naruto would become the next hokage, after all, and Kakashi was expected to fill the seat until then.

It was odd to think about the next few years now that he had someone to care for as well. A child was a lifelong commitment, or at the very least a full time job for at least… Kakashi scratched his chin. Most people become genins at twelve now, and they don’t sell liquor to anyone under twenty… so a commitment roughly between two decades, he thinks, before the child moves away and starts their own life. Kakashi had no interest in orphaning the child at a young age if he could help it. So he would be stuck with the child for years and years. That, too, was now a long term plan he had to ruminate on.

It was strange. Years feel so abstract sometimes, after so much time living only in the present. Kakashi figured he would be dead by now, a suicide mission finally doing its job. Yet here he was, influential leader of a shinobi village, and soon to be a parent. The domesticity of his life was so odd Kakashi could barely conceptualize it. There were people that relied on him long term now.

“Whatcha thinking about?” Naruto asked, peering thoughtfully at the report Kakashi had been reading before he got lost in his head.

“Restructuring the hokage system,” Kakashi stated. It felt a bit too vulnerable to admit that he was feeling overwhelmed at the idea of long term planning and it wasn’t that far from the truth. “But that’s getting ahead of myself.”

“Well, if anyone can straighten out this stupid paper trail, it would be you,” Naruto decided. He stretched his arms, glancing over at the clock. “We basically cleared off your desk. Let’s go home already! All this reading has made me hungry!”

“Enjoy your night,” Kakashi said, pulling another scroll from the pile- which was promptly taken by Naruto, who began to semi juggle it in his hands.

“Clock out already,” Naruto says. “Hey, let’s go out to eat together!”

“I’m not having ramen for the third night in a row,” Sasuke complains.

Naruto looked at him as if he had said something scandalous. “It’s Ichiraku! It’s not just ramen- it’s an experience! A moment of pure bliss for your tastebuds!”

“It’s ramen,” Sasuke deadpans.

“It’s good ramen,” Naruto clarifies. “If I hear any more blasphemy, I’m kicking you to the couch!”

Sasuke rolls his eyes. Naruto turns to Kakashi, clasping his hands together. “Come on! You haven’t had ramen in forever, I bet. The last time we ate out was barbecue. We have to go now.”

“We already had dinner together last night,” Kakashi pointed out. “You brought me lunch yesterday. The day before that, I had breakfast with you three, and the day before that, we went out to eat.”

Kakashi swore he saw Sasuke pout ever so slightly at his first sentence. Naruto placed his hands on his hips. “Jeez, is it a crime to want to spend time with our-“ For some reason, Naruto hesitated on whatever title he was about to give Kakashi, before lamely deciding, “friend? And sharing a good meal at that!”

“I feel like you have ulterior motives here,” Kakashi admits, suspicious. He frowns. “Do you think I’m not eating enough? Is that it? I told Sakura I promised to take care of myself. I understand the responsibility I have…”

“Huh? No!” Naruto scratches his chin. “Well, maybe- you’re so scrawny, and all that-“

Sasuke elbows him, shutting him up. “No, we’re not inviting you out because we think you’re too inept to care for yourself or your child.”

“Don’t say it like that! That wasn’t any better than what I was going for, by the way.” Naruto elbowed Sasuke back as he spoke, and for a brief moment the two looked ready to start wrestling before Naruto’s attention centered back on Kakashi. “We just like spending time with you, that’s all.”

Kakashi couldn’t stop the lingering feeling of doubt. It felt like an excessive amount of time to be wasted with him. “If you say so. I did just buy groceries today, so I think I’ll pass on Ichiraku.”

Naruto frowned, studying him for a moment. It was slightly unnerving to have Naruto’s full, undivided attention on him like this, when it’s obvious he’s sizing him up for something. Instead of continuing to try to drag him out of the office, Naruto sighs. “Alright. I’ll be over Thursday to bother Shizune! And by extension, you!”

It was said almost too joyfully to be a threat, but it still felt like one. Sasuke rolled his eyes, but said, “We can walk out together.”

Kakashi had been debating on staying later, but Naruto and Sasuke helped cut through a large amount of paperwork. Tomorrow shouldn’t be a struggle at all, so he doesn’t resist and follows them out of the office. They settle on each side of him as they walk down the street, idly prodding and poking at each other, and Kakashi smiles, happy to see what their relationship has developed into.

There was a time where he believed team seven would never be complete again. But the impossible had been achieved, and Sasuke had returned to them, not fully healed from the troubles he had been through, but well on the mend. Kakashi felt a quiet serenity in the moment as they walked towards his apartment, listening to the two of them bicker like old friends, far less heat than they had as children, and no animosity as once enemies.

Reluctantly, the two part ways from him when they reach his apartment. Kakashi climbs the stairs and lingers by his window, watching their silhouettes disappear. There was a strange fluttering feeling in his stomach as he turned away, promptly ignored in favor of investigating the produce he had bought earlier.

Biting into an apple made him contemplative. It had been a while since food had actually tasted good to him, and the crisp juice of the apple was satisfying in a way it hadn’t been for the past four months. Still, it didn’t taste quite as refreshing as a meal shared between friends… or maybe he was simply being sentimental.

Chapter Text

The next couple of days are surprisingly pleasant.

Shizune had a mixed reception on Naruto’s apprenticeship. On one hand, it was quite nice to have an extra pair of hands to help around the office. On the other hand, Naruto is very energetic, very talkative, and not always the brightest when it comes to these sorts of things. He does try his best, however, determined to learn, and Shizune reports that overall, she doesn’t mind Naruto tagging along.

Naruto shows up with a bento box both days he’s allowed to help in the office. When Kakashi gives him a suspicious look, Naruto makes up an excuse that because he keeps enticing Sasuke or Sakura to eat out at Ichiraku, they have a lot of leftovers piling up. It’s at least feasible, so Kakashi accepts the offerings, though it doesn’t escape his notice they’re both full of his preferred vegetables, and a small side of chocolate candy was given to him. He’s starting to wonder if Sasuke went shopping yesterday to figure out what sort of foods Kakashi prefers.

The meals are nice, however. Kakashi can’t make up his mind on if he’s annoyed that they don’t seem to think he’s going to feed himself, or grateful for some decently cooked food Kakashi doesn’t have the time or energy to bother with. He can cook one good meal, he’s figured out, if he cooks in the morning before work, so he’s been making large breakfasts to fill him for a while, knowing he won’t have the energy after work to do something complicated.

Naruto is surprisingly eager to spend both his days doing office work, citing that all of his friends were busy with their own jobs, and as much as he loves Sasuke, being together for days at a time is bound to cause large swaths of property damage. “Plus, I like spending time with you!”

Though by the end of the night, Naruto’s wrists are sore from so much writing, so Kakashi doesn’t know if that statement holds true anymore.

The weekend arrives, however, and Saturday night is their designated time for all four of them to hang out. Naruto arrives at the end of his shift, kicking the door open again, and Kakashi makes a mental note to get the locks reinforced. “Kakashi! Are you doing anything tomorrow morning?”

Other than haunting the cemetery to ruminate on his past failures for a few hours, he supposed he isn’t. “Why?”

“You go to work later than usual that day,” Naruto begins. “Sasuke and I are free, and Sakura only has a night shift tomorrow. So we were thinking about taking a small trip to a lake Sasuke found while he was- hm, well, you know.”

While he was on the run as a rogue ninja, Kakashi assumes.

“So?” Naruto clasps his hands together. “I tried to get us to go to a hot spring, but Sakura said that would be bad for the baby. But a lakeside swim would be very relaxing! It’s supposed to be warm this weekend!”

Kakashi leans on his desk, contemplating. There isn’t anything particularly pressing to get back to tomorrow, and it’s been a while since he’s stretched his legs like this. It feels odd how much time they’re trying to spend with him, however. Is it some sort of obligation to invite him? Or a false sense of pity? It’s true Kakashi doesn’t really “hang out” with other people… many people his age remembered him as a snotty asshole and aren’t that interested in hanging out with him, and the relationships he’s managed to foster over the years still aren’t at the level that Kakashi would want to spend time with beyond a good drink at the bar.

Really, the only person Kakashi ever spent actual time with was Gai, and a majority of the time it’s because Gai specifically sought him out. Unfortunately, Gai is in the hospital doing physical therapy for quite some time, and Kakashi hasn’t been able to muster up the courage to visit him in a couple weeks, overwhelmed with guilt about his current condition. It was Obito who had nearly maimed him after he attempted to attack him by opening the eighth gate. and it was only thanks to Sakura that Gai hadn’t died from doing so.

“I believe I have a meeting in the morning,” Kakashi lies. It would be good for the three of them to have some time away from the village and enjoy their youth. Kakashi would be nothing but dead weight.

“Nuh uh! Shizune said you were cleared!”

Conniving little bastard. Kakashi sighed. “You should enjoy some time together. There’s no need to invite me along.”

“Don’t be stupid. We want you there. What’s the point of a team seven hang out if all the members aren't there?” Naruto crossed his arms. “If you really don’t wanna go, then I guess it’s fine. But if you don’t wanna swim, you don’t got to. You can sit on the beach and read your pervy book instead. But stop talking nonsense and have some fun with us!”

Kakashi has a feeling Naruto just might drag him out there himself if he doesn’t give a reasonable enough excuse not to come. Since he doesn’t have one, and because he’s a bit selfish, wanting to spend time away from the village and be with his whole team, he sighs again, but says, “Alright, I’ll tag along. When are you leaving?”

“You’re not doing anything important right now, are you?” Naruto noses at the desk, as if sniffing for important documents. “Let’s go now! Sakura’s off her shift!”

“I still have-“

“Shizune said it’s fine!”

“Did she?” Kakashi narrowed his eyes. Was Naruto just bluffing earlier about speaking to her? Admittedly a smart trick, if he knew Kakashi was lying.

“Well,” Naruto drawls. “Okay, she didn’t say it exactly like that, but she said you’re not doing anything important, and you don’t have any meetings. Besides, I helped a lot yesterday and Thursday! Surely you don’t have that much more to do?”

It feels lazy to put off his work like this. Sure, Kakashi was lazy by nature; the gods only know how much he loved putting off doing paperwork before this job. But there was a difference between procrastinating as a lazy jonin sensei and as the village’s hokage. There were rather large shoes for him to fill, and he couldn’t imagine Minato pushing his duties aside for a couple hours of fun. Tsunade did, but that’s because she had Shizune to push the stuff she didn’t want to do on; Kakashi didn’t think Shizune would be so willing to endure a second term with Kakashi mimicking the habits of her mentor.

“Jeez, if you’re that unsure, I’ll help you Sunday, too.” Naruto shrugged. “It’s not like I’m doing anything. Unless you’ve got missions to assign me? And only if they’re higher than a B! And around the village!”

Kakashi gives in. A relaxing swim sounds really nice. He’s been feeling a bit achy lately, and Naruto’s right… one day can’t hurt. Maybe someday soon, Kakashi will be confident enough in his job to slack off just as much as he did as a jonin. It didn’t feel quite right to do so as the hokage, but there weren’t pressing matters that desperately needed his attention, just boring genin reports to middle through.

“Fine,” Kakashi decides. “You are going to help me Sunday, by the way.”

Naruto pumps his fist. “Totally worth it! I’ll read all those stupid tax forms if that means you’re coming with us!”

Kakashi rises from his chair. “I have a feeling you won’t be saying that tomorrow.”

They leave his office. Shizune sends them off without comment, making Kakashi wonder what exactly Naruto and her spoke about, but they were soon enough climbing the stairs to his apartment again. Naruto followed him inside, trailing him towards his bedroom where he plops down on his bed, watching as Kakashi sorts through his clothes.

Kakashi pauses briefly on his swim trunks. He preferred whole body swim suits, but he didn’t think it would fit him. The trunks were loose enough to work, but that meant his whole chest would be on display. The thought made him blush profusely and he began digging for a t-shirt to bring along.

Usually when he went swimming, Kakashi didn’t actually swim. He didn’t like swimming with his mask on, and he didn’t like the idea of people seeing him wet, clothes clinging to every part of his body. He liked swimming alone, but if he was with a group, he tended to simply sit on the beachside and read a book. He figured he would probably end up doing the same thing this time, though he might steal a dip in the water when the others are asleep. It’s true they had already seen his body, but Kakashi felt a bit… self conscious about it. He wasn’t exactly a fan about showing off his skin- Genma teased him for being so prude- and the changes in his body had made him more unsettled by the idea.

Kakashi finished tidying his pack, trying to ignore the way Naruto had been watching him. Naruto had been talking about this or that, but it was one of those conversations he didn’t expect Kakashi to actually be listening to, just rambling about how much he missed swimming and catching fish and the like.

When Kakashi was finished, Naruto lead him towards his apartment where the others were already waiting. Sasuke tossed Naruto his backpack and began to take the lead, Naruto situated by his side so they could argue the entire trip about direction. Kakashi and Sakura resigned themselves to following after them, and for a brief while Kakashi was pretty sure the two actually did get them lost.

Even still, they managed to make pretty good time, and Kakashi was surprised to learn the lake was only two hours away. He’d been here before a few times, for mission related activities or because a challenge with Gai led them farther out than they meant to go, but it was a different feeling to intentionally visit with the desire to stick around and have fun.

It was an unusually warm day for winter, perhaps why they decided to enjoy it like this. It would be a while before they had swimming weather back again. But despite the warmth, the day was already cut short, and it was dark by the time they arrived. The moon was full, high in the sky and shedding the world in a crisp silver light. It was easy to spot his comrades, the trees sparse around the shoreline, and Sakura and Naruto’s bright hair and clothes weren’t exactly easy to miss.

Once the tent had been set up (after a lot of arguing from Sasuke and Naruto, stopped only when Sakura finally had enough and threatened to beat them with the tent poles if they didn’t hurry up), Naruto was yanking off his orange jacket, obviously excited to go swimming. “It’s dark, there’s no one around- I say we go skinny dipping!”

Naruto was already shimmying off his pants when understanding dawned on him. Kakashi opened his mouth- to say what, he isn’t sure- when he saw Sasuke taking off his cloak. His face flushed as he watched them both undress, clearly willing to swim in the nude, and it isn’t until Sakura approaches that Kakashi sighs in relief. Hopefully, she’ll knock some sense into them about going nude in a technically public area.

“Hey!” Sakura cries, dropping the sticks she had been fetching. “You assholes, don’t start without me!”

And suddenly Sakura was stripping her dress off, and Kakashi frantically turned around when he realized they were all about to jump into that lake naked as the day they were born. Obviously, not everyone was as modest as Kakashi, but is he the crazy one for not wanting to strip naked? Is he the one making this weird? If all three of them were stripping down in front of him without care?

He just won’t turn around. He can pick up the sticks Sakura dropped, start a fire, and read his book. He just won’t look. That is the easiest solution here. He already wasn’t planning on swimming with them. He just won’t look.

“Kakashi, aren't you joining us?”

Kakashi looked.

All three of them were naked, standing at the edge of the shoreline. His eyes unconsciously began to trace the contours of Sasuke’s body; his skin was pale from being underneath so many layers of clothes all the time, but his body was full of sharp angles. He had a slightly learner build to him than others, a mark of someone who was talented in stealth and shadows, though he had plenty of muscle to back himself up if he was caught. His legs flexed as he shifted his weight, not necessarily uncomfortable but rather impatient, and Kakashi's eyes were drawn to his calves, and slowly sliding up towards his smooth thighs before he saw his dick.

Kakashi quickly averted his eyes, but that did him no good because they settled instead on Naruto’s dick, similar in length to Sasuke’s but slightly thicker, just like his build, and Kakashi was mortified that he now knew the size of both of their cocks. Sakura placing her hands on her hips drew Kakashi’s attention, unfortunately zeroing in on her waist and what laid there, a perfectly manicured cunt, parted slightly from the way she was standing, and looking up didn’t help because that meant he was staring directly at her breasts now, a cup size or so larger than his own, and Kakashi wanted to melt into the ground because he was absolutely taking far too long to respond and had absolutely been gawking at them.

“Uh,” Kakashi intelligently began, and wasn’t able to force out another syllable for quite some time, still trying to figure out where to look that would be safe before finally staring directly at the ground. “Hah, um, I’m going to set up a fire.”

“Aw, come on. The point of coming here is to go swimming!” Naruto complained, throwing his arms in the air, and Kakashi swallowed, watching the muscles flex. No! He wasn’t supposed to be looking! “The moon is bright enough, and we can set up a campfire later!”

“Oh,” Sakura began, tapping a finger to her chin. “Well, if you don’t want to skinny dip with us, that’s fine. You can change into something else.”

Kakashi was mildly distracted watching her cross her arms, and seeing her arms cross under her breasts, propping them slightly. He felt like his brain was frying. All of them had grown up nicely, with shapely bodies to match the hard physicality of being a shinobi, and the fact was so distracting Kakashi wasn’t entirely sure what to do with himself.

Was he being weird? He was totally being a pervert. If they weren’t being weird about it, was it really that big of a deal? Kakashi chewed on his lip. So if it wasn’t a big deal, is it really an issue for him to also strip? They’ve already seen his body, he doesn’t have to hide it like he usually does in these scenarios. They didn’t judge him before; Sakura was very professional, and Sasuke and Naruto hadn’t said a word, just a brief glance out of curiosity but remained otherwise polite about it.

So what was the big deal? There was no one around for miles, he would be under the water the whole time, and they'd already seen him naked. Sure, Kakashi had always been a little shy about these kinds of things, considering he never liked the idea of having his manhood questioned, and sure, this pregnancy has only made him a little more insecure about his body, and seeing it change has been freaking him out just a little bit. The change of his tastebuds had opened him up to the real understanding of how dramatic a pregnancy changes the body, and Kakashi, whose body was often his only solace during the years, the only weapon he could ever rely on, was a little freaked out about seeing it change. So seeing himself naked was already a big step, let alone being naked in front of the others, but they’ve already seen it, so is it really so bad?

(Sakura, Sasuke, and Naruto were starting to wonder if they had broken Kakashi.)

He was taking too long to answer. He totally was being a pervert about this. “I can… um, skinny dip with you.”

He can feel their eyes on him as he slowly begins to pull his pants off, kicking them away. The flak jacket was next, his sore breast grateful not to be shut in by the tight article of clothing, and he hesitated on the hemline of his boxers, feeling incredibly self conscious. This was a bad idea, wasn't it? They already said he didn’t have to strip. Maybe that’s because they didn’t want to see his body. Kakashi had never cared before if people found him attractive or not, if people found his body attractive, but he suddenly felt shy at the idea that they would find his pregnancy unattractive.

He already committed, didn’t he? He took off his fucking pants. Squeezing his eyes shut, he yanks his boxers down and kicks them aside. Without daring to look at them, he digs through his pack for a spare mask he always carries with him, and with a sudden spark of determination, he pulls the shirt over his head, replacing the masks, and he was now standing on the shore of the lake, completely naked except for the mask on his face.

Instant regret flooded him. This was a terrible idea! The three of them were fine with being naked because they’ve probably done this with each other before. They probably didn’t think Kakashi was actually going to join them, they probably didn’t want him to actually strip naked with them. Why would they? His body is changing and it isn’t exactly pretty to look at. He’s never cared before, but he feels their eyes on him and suddenly, strangely, he does care about their opinion, if they find him as disgusting as he currently feels, and-

Naruto wolfwhistles.

“Naruto!” Sakura shrieks, clearly insulted on his behalf. “Jeez, you can’t fucking do that!”

“What?” Naruto cried. “That baby bump is hot as hell, alright?!”

Kakashi could feel his brain just… stop. Complete and total shut down.

“Have some decency!” Sakura cries. “Don’t sexually harass him!”

“I was complimenting him! Ow! Ow! OW!”

Sakura had begun to thrash him, and the two quickly devolved into a stupid slap fight. Sasuke watched the two of them for a moment, then glanced back at Kakashi, who remained frozen in place, staring at the three of them in stunned disbelief. Did Naruto just catcall him?

“Stop trying to drown me!” Naruto wails.

“Don’t objectify him!” Sakura shouts, trying to push him into the water. “You’re gonna scare him off like that!”

“Come on, he looked like he needed a confidence boost! I wasn’t doing anything but that!”

“You broke him,” Sasuke stated.

“Apologize!” Sakura shouts, and the two of them fall into the water, making a ginormous splash. Naruto isn’t able to get the upper hand, however, as Sakura wrestles him until she’s dunking him face first into the water. “Stop being a pervert!”

“I wasn’t!” Naruto cries, and Sakura dunks him again. When he comes up for air, he shouts. “I’m sorry! I wasn’t trying to be weird, Kakashi!”

It was so… normal of them, to start a stupid wrestling match and try to drown the other that it actually works in snapping Kakashi out of his head. He can’t stop himself; the sight of Sakura shoving Naruto under the water over and over again made him laugh, a chuckle that began to grow into a full body near giggle. Sakura and Naruto paused their antics to look back at him, surprised by the sound, and Sasuke turned to face them, saying again, “You broke him.”

“Kakashi, I’m sorry,” Naruto said, and Sakura finally let him go. “I wasn’t trying to be sleazy. But I also wasn't lying, your baby daddy is missing out.”

Sasuke hits Naruto on the head for that last comment, hissing at him, “Shut up, Naruto!”

It was such a bizarre comment Kakashi didn’t even blink at the accidental reference to Obito. He couldn’t even muster up the sorrow about that, so caught off guard by Naruto’s statement.

“Anyway!” Sakura says, clapping her hands together. “I think what Naruto is trying to say is that you don’t need to be shy with us. I know you’re probably not used to people seeing your body… at all, and I know this can be a bit overwhelming, so if you don’t want to be skinny dipping with us, you don’t have to. But Naruto is right, you are very handsome, and we’ve already seen you naked before, so you don’t have to be shy, we don’t mind, and we won’t be weird about it.”

“Why’s it okay for her to say that he’s handsome but not me?” Naruto complains.

“Because I’m complimenting him!” Sakura stresses. “Not being a pervert about it!”

“I wasn’t being a pervert! I basically said the same thing as you!”

“You did not!”

“Can we go swimming?” Sasuke asked. “Or are you two going to keep being freaks?”

“We are not being freaks about this!”

Kakashi is… processing a lot of information right now. He’s not sure if he’s ever going to actually process the fact that Naruto called him sexy, but he is able to acknowledge that they do not, in fact, find his pregnancy unbecoming or unwanted, and really don’t seem to mind if he’s naked with them. And if Kakashi is processing what happened correctly, Naruto tried to compliment him to stop him from spiraling over his body, which was kind of sweet and kind of embarrassing.

Taking a deep breath, Kakashi began to walk towards the shoreline, keeping a considerate distance from the three as he began to wade into the water. He found the three of them staring at him, making his cheeks heat slightly from their full attention, but said in the most bored tone he could muster, “Well? Are we swimming or not?”

The water is cool, lapping against his ankles. He hadn’t noticed how swollen they had gotten until now, peering thoughtfully at them in the dark. It’s quiet for a brief moment until Naruto pushes away from Sakura, announcing, “I bet I can get to the other side of the lake faster than you, Sasuke!”

Sasuke accepts the challenge, and the two shoot off, frantically swimming against the small current. Sakura sits in the shallows, sighing in exasperation and fondness, and Kakashi hesitates for a moment before sitting down next to her.

“Sorry about that,” Sakura offers. “I think he meant well.” She blushes slightly before saying, “Though, it is true. That baby bump is super cute!”

Kakashi had never really been called cute before. He flushed, looking down at the water, but saw Sakura’s bare thigh and quickly looked away. Really, he was in no position to chide Naruto considering he can barely keep his eyes off of his… Kakashi doesn’t know how to define his former students, sometimes. Former students felt too formal, and he sees them as his peers, not people who still need his mentorship. Friends felt… Well, Kakashi never had many friends growing up. It just felt presumptuous to assume they had that sort of relationship.

Then again, every friend Kakashi had boldly claimed themselves as his friend. Kakashi never really had to figure out how to define their relationships; he was point blank told what they were.

But calling them friends was easier than continuing to think of them as his former students. He’ll just keep that title to the privacy of his own mind.

“It was just a bit surprising,” Kakashi said. “But it wasn’t offensive. He wanted to cheer me up. If anything, it’s just embarrassing that he realized I was getting a bit self conscious.”

“Pregnancy is a big change,” Sakura admits. “Though I’m sure this would have been difficult for you even without that aspect. I sort of doubt a lot of people have seen you naked, considering you have a very tight secret to be keeping.”

“You’re the first people I’ve had to tell in years,” Kakashi confirms. “The only other person I told was Minato, and all I had to tell him at six years old was that I was a boy now. He took that in stride pretty well, all things considered.”

Sakura chuckled. Her expression shifted into one of sincerity, and she slowly reached out, placing a hand over his. The touch was electric, Kakashi only barely able to repress a shudder from such a soft gesture, and Sakura gave him a small smile. “I know it wasn’t under ideal circumstances, but I am grateful to get to know more about you, Kakashi.”

The genuine gratitude in her voice made his cheeks flush. “Ah, no need to be like that.”

“I mean it.” Her voice was firm. “I really do value our relationship, Kakashi. I always have.”

“You don’t have to lie to me.” He had a lot of guilt regarding what happened to team seven; it felt like he had mishandled every moment that team had been together. It was doomed the moment they had been assigned to him. “I don’t think my time as your sensei deserved to be valued.”

Kakashi would always feel guilty that he hadn’t been able to talk Sasuke out of going down the path he went. He thought he had gotten through to the boy, and maybe if he hadn’t been called away for a mission, he could have salvaged it. Or maybe Kakashi was doomed to burn that bridge no matter what he did.

Naruto… there was so much for Kakashi to feel guilty over it wasn’t even worth listing out. And Sakura? He always wondered if she hated him for spending so much time with Naruto or Sasuke. It felt like she got lost in between those two, especially as time went on.

“Are you kidding me?” Sakura gave him a flat look, realizing he was not, in fact, kidding. For that, she socked him in the arm, as if to jostle him out of his self pity; it wasn’t meant to hurt, but it still stung a bit. “Look, when I was a kid, yeah I was a little disappointed you spent a lot of time with Sasuke and Naruto. But you had to deal with the ticking time bomb that was Naruto’s hold on the nine tails power before they became friends, and Sasuke’s descent into revenge. You had priorities, and I understood why they were the way they were.” Sakura begins to count on her fingers. “Besides, our team was a logistical nightmare, let’s be real. Let’s team up the two kids who hated each others guts all throughout the academy! That’s not going to cause issues in creating a functional team dynamic. Sure, I get trying to teach kids to work with people they don’t like, but maybe we should learn the concept of team work and its applications in the field with people we at least tolerate first before going that far. Next, we all had wildly different backgrounds and aptitudes. It’s genuinely a miracle you managed to coherently teach us when we all had vastly different abilities. Like, Shino, Hinata, and Kiba were placed together to obviously form a tracking unit. Shikamaru, Choji, and Ino and their clans usually do intelligence gathering. Lee, Neji, and Tenten were obviously taijutsu combat oriented. What the fuck were the three of us paired for? Who knows!”

This was apparently something Sakura had ruminated often about, because she wasn’t done. “Plus, almost every team had a bunch of clan kids! I came from a civilian family, Naruto came from no one in the beginning, and Sasuke had parents until he was seven. I guess Gai was in a similar boat, but he didn’t have to deal with the actual ticking time bombs both Naruto and Sasuke were, and he’d already had them for a year. Plus, Neji and Lee’s rivalry wasn't even a fraction of homicidal the way Sasuke and Naruto’s sometimes was. It’s a miracle you taught us anything at all, let alone managed to get us into shape for the chunin exams!”

Kakashi blinked, listening to her speak. Sakura sighed. “Honestly, I think you were set up for failure with a team like ours. But you did the best with what you had and who you were. You managed to whip me into enough shape that I could tie with Ino. That was such an important moment for me, Kakashi- to be on par with my childhood rival, and be able to go up against clan kids and have a real fighting chance. So, yes, I actually do value my time as your student, because I know you did your best, and you did genuinely teach me.”

Sakura flips her hair out of her face, then squeezes Kakashi’s hand. “But I like the relationship we have now a lot better, of course.”

Kakashi sometimes wonders if he was set up to fail, too. It’s true the sharingan was the only thing that could control a tailed beast, but there’s no way they actually believed Kakashi capable of doing that. Pairing Sasuke up with Kakashi made sense, but Kurenai was a genjutsu master who might have been just as useful considering that was the main skill associated with the sharigan. But both of them? He’s honestly lucky they didn’t end up killing each other- that rooftop fight had left him unnerved for a long while after.

And Sakura, always caught in the middle of it all…

“Still…” Kakashi began, but Sakura shook her head.

“You’re human,” she stated, simply, and that was a sentiment Kakashi hadn’t heard in years. “So you made mistakes, but who hasn’t? Besides, everything worked out in the end, and I’m glad it all happened if it means we can be friends.”

She clapped her hands. “Alright, no more gloom and doom! You’re on vacation, so you better start having fun!”

“Don’t worry, you all keep me very entertained.” He hesitated. It felt a little bold, but it also felt cruel not to reciprocate when she stated it so plainly and genuinely. It was true, anyway, because Kakashi really does love the bonds he has with her, and is grateful she’s willing to be his friend. “I appreciate our relationship, too.”

It isn’t adequate at all to express the depths of his feelings, but Sakura seems to understand it anyway. She squeezes his hand again, flashing him a sweet smile, and Kakashi is blown away by just how beautiful she’s become. She had such a lovely smile.

For a moment they simply enjoy the quiet between them, a gentle moment basked in moonlight and continent. Kakashi hasn’t felt this much peace in years, simply enjoying the beauty of the night and the beauty beside him. He doesn’t even notice they’re still holding hands as they enjoy the gentle waves of the lake, blown by the soft wind, the last autumn warmth before winter truly sets in.

There’s a part of Kakashi that’s afraid of such a sweet moment ending, like all good things in his life tend to do. But there’s another part of him that’s already looking forward to another moment like this… and now that the world is at peace, the shinobi cycles of hate severed, there’s a possibility more moments like this really can happen.

It’s a strange sensation, to understand that this is a future he could have. If Sakura was true, and meant the words she said, these were moments Kakashi didn’t have to steal. These were gifts she was willing to give him, for as long as they had this relationship, and the idea made his heart flutter, spending his future with her and the others.

Kakashi never really had much of a future before. It’s strange to think about one now. But for the first time since he realized the commitment being a hokage would be, being a father would be, it isn’t quite so daunting.