Chapter 1: The F1 Family nobody asks for
Chapter Text
The Mercedes hospitality was buzzing with activity after the race. Engineers trying to have everything settled and organized before loading everything to the trucks to be transported for the next race. George doing his “dad routine”, meaning - fussing and running like a headless chicken trying to get Kimi to eat something that wasn’t gummy bears. Outside, Max Verstappen walked by, looking bored because Laurent was still busy with the media.
“Max!” Kimi perked up immediately.
“Yo, kiddo. Nice drive. Didn’t crash into anyone, that’s an improvement.”
George instantly tensed, crossing his arms looking at Max like he just murdered Toto. “He did a lot more than simply avoid crashing, Verstappen. His tire management was superb.”
“Relax, Papa Bear. I’m not insulting your cub.”
Big mistake. Just as the word "cub" came out, Kimi hid his face in Max's chest and clung to him like a baby koala.
“…Mama,” he mumbled.
The room went silent.
“WHAT?” Max blinked.
“You smell nice. You’re my Mama now.”
Engineers are debating if they need to call the medics as George was on the verge of a full meltdown. “Pardon me? No. Absolutely not! That’s my cub. Let him go Kimi! Right this instant, or no more gummy bears for you!”
Kimi only latched on tighter like an anaconda “No! Papa mean. This is my Mama.”
Max gave him a clumsy pat. “Oh for fucks sake! Do I need adoption papers for this? Or a car seat?”
Half the engineers were choking on their drinks while the other half were pinching themselves if they are dreaming.
“Max, stop encouraging him!” George snapped so loudly that it even made Max worried that he was going into cardiac arrest right there and then. “This is not funny!”
“Oh, come on Russell. Look, he’s so cute! Little cub calls me Mama and clings to me like a baby. Maybe I’ll keep him.”
“Keep him?! He’s not some stray cat you found outside!”
Kimi growled when George tried to pry him off. “Mama said I can stay.”
“I literally didn’t, but sure, whatever.”
That was the moment when Toto walked in, looking like someone had dragged him there against his will. He took one look at the scene - Kimi wrapped around Max like an anaconda, George growling like a manic t-rex - and sighed so hard it can be heard in the Red Bull Hospitality.
“Do I even want to know?”
“He imprinted on him!” George shouted like a banshee.
“Of course he did,” Toto muttered.
Max just smirked. “What can I say? Cubs love me.”
“This is not happening! This is a disaster! The FIA will hear of this” George was now running a hand through his hair, clearly seconds from pulling it out. “Max, you can’t just be his Mama!”
“Why not? You’re Papa, I’m Mama. Mercedes–Red Bull Happy Family. FIA will love it.”
“That is NOT—”
Kimi looked up then, all innocent plus sparkly eyes. “So Papa and Mama are friends now?”
George groaned like his soul left his body, asking God if he’s a criminal on his past life to experience this.
Max was laughing so hard he could barely breathe, while Kimi clung like superglue. George looked two seconds away from calling Laurent to complain about “cub theft.”
“Relax. He’ll grow out of it.”
“Nope,” Kimi said cheerfully.
“I’m never letting you near him again,” George muttered.
“Good luck with that,” Max grinned. “Your cub loves his Mama.”
And just like that, Kimi Antonelli became the paddock’s first case of accidental cub adoption—George’s worst nightmare, Laurent’s incoming headache, and Red Bull’s next meme campaign.
Chapter 2: Mama Verstappen™
Summary:
I know Laurent is not the TP of Red Bull Racing at the time of the Canadian GP but I don’t want to write the drama of RBR firing Christian Horner, sooo for this story Mekies is the TP for the whole year for consistency.
Chapter Text
When Laurent Mekies accepted the position of team principal of Red Bull Racing, he already expected odd, extravagant and over-the-top things happening—it's Red Bull after all—but what he never expected was seeing his star driver playing Mama Lion to the cute rookie of their number one enemy, well, number two now because, you know, McLaren.
Kimi remained as devoted to be attached to Max like a newborn koala when Laurent caught him in the Red Bull motorhome. George appeared to have been dragged into purgatory as he continues to put a hole in the motorhome’s carpet.
Laurent eyebrows went up seeing the bizarre sight. “So…is there anyone in class going to explain to me why the Mercedes’ rookie is calling my driver Mama?”
Max smiled broadly, he’s clearly enjoying it. “Don’t look at me. He did it all by himself.”
“Mama,” Kimi confirmed, grinning like a cat that ate the canary, hugging the Dutch driver tighter.
George then loses his shit. “He’s not your cub! He’s Mercedes! He’s — arrgggghhhh — Laurent, tell him this is crazy!”
As calm as ever, Laurent leaned on the table and nodded as if he had just discovered the answer on how to unlock the potential of the RB21. “This is perfect.”
“Perfect?! Help me God!” George sputtered. “It’s a disaster! He can’t imprint on Max Verstappen!”
“Why not tho?” Laurent smirked. “Mercedes keeps on saying Max is bad for the sport, yadda yadda, but clearly he’s wholesome family material. Mama Verstappen. The fans will eat it up.”
Max burst out laughing. “You’re actually gonna call me that?”
“You think I’m not printing shirts by tomorrow?” Laurent shot back.
George looked like Toto fired him. “For the hundredth time, this is not funny! This is a serious issue! Kimi is confused and —“
Kimi peeked up, puppy eyes on. “Papa, stop yelling at Mama.”
The room collapsed. Max doubled over, wheezing so hard you’ll mistake him having an asthma attack. Laurent nearly toppled over on how hard he is laughing. Even the Red Bull comms guy had to bolt outside, laughing so hard he nearly cried.
George groaned. “Oh for god’s sake!”
Laurent was already dialing on his phone, giving instructions to the Red Bull marketing team. “Get graphics started. Hashtag Mama Verstappen. Meme pack by six. And make sure there’s a joint custody joke in there.”
“You are NOT putting this online!” George lunged.
“Too late,” Laurent said, smirking. “By tonight, #MamaVerstappen will be trending and making news online.”
Max wiped tears from his eyes. “This is one of the fucking best day of my life.”
George collapsed into a chair as if he had lost a fight with an elephant. “I fucking hate you both.”
Kimi nestled tighter into Max’s side. “I love Mama.”
George buried his face in his hands. “I can’t believe this is my life.”
By the next morning, the news broke the internet.
HEADLINES:
BREAKING: Antonelli Calls Verstappen “Mama,” Russell Reportedly in Shambles
Motorsport.com
Red Bull’s New Family Dynamic: Mama Max, Papa George, Baby Kimi
Sky Sports F1
Russell Loses Custody Battle to Verstappen
The Guardian (satire section)
Mama Verstappen T-Shirts Already on Sale
F1 Merch Watch
Red Bull Racing Official Account (@redbullracing)
Family is everything ❤️🧑🧑🧒
#MamaVerstappen #PaddockFamily
Attached: a photo of Max hugging a very cute and smiling Kimi with George in the background looking like someone hasn’t renewed his contract extension.
Mercedes-AMG F1 (@MercedesAMGF1):
Kimi is still a Mercedes driver.
That’s all we’re saying, in case anyone forgets.
Lando Norris (@LandoNorris)
Mama Max, Papa George, baby shower when?👶🎈
Carlos Sainz (@Carlossainz55)
Vale… does that make me Uncle Carlos then?
Fernando Alonso (@alo_oficial)
Max mi hijo, I am not ready to be Grandpa.
Alex Albon (@alex_albon)
Please have someone create a custody chart, I need to understand the family tree.
Oscar Piastri (@OscarPiastri)
But think carefully, if Max is Mama, does that mean Laurent is Grandma? #GrandmaLaurent
George Russell (@GeorgeRussell63)
This is getting out of hand. There is no Mama. There is no Papa. Kimi is not anyone’s cub.
Please stop tagging me in memes.
Replies under George’s post
@MaxVerstappen1: Uh oh… Papa’s mad 😂
@redbullracing: Co-parenting isn’t easy, George ❤️
Red Bull sold out of their limited edition "Mama VerstappenTM" shirts by the end of the week, and Mercedes PR had to issue a sobering statement regarding "driver development programs," which no one read because everyone was too busy posting George memes with the caption "Single Dad Energy."
The press conference hadn’t even started yet but George already looked like he was undergoing a vasectomy. He sat stiff as a board, arms crossed, letting out a “ask me one question and I will disembowel you all with a fucking fork” sinister aura.
Of course, the very first question and the highlight of the afternoon is none other than Mama Verstappen.
“George, how are you feeling now that you have joint custody of Kimi?”
George looked like he tasted a lemon, a very sour lemon. “There is NO custody situation. Kimi is a Mercedes driver. End of discussion.”
Max leaned into his mic with the smuggest smile ever. “I have to apologize for Papa’s behavior, he’s still on denial stage.”
The whole room went batshit crazy. Reporters were laughing so hard, photographers snapping away.
“STOP CALLING ME PAPA!” George barked.
Next question. “Max, how’s the Mama life so far? Have you encountered problems adjusting? Sleepless nights? Post-partum?”
The reporter was clearly trying not to burst out laughing after saying that one.
Max spread his arms like a showman. “It’s easy. Kid eats, sleeps, follows me around. Honestly? I think I’m a natural.”
Kimi nodded seriously beside him. “Mama’s the best.”
George’s soul visibly left his body, his dignity gone. He dropped his head on the table. “This is hell.”
Reporters were cackling. Lando was live-streaming from the back row. Carlos was grinning like Christmas comes early. Even Alonso muttered, “I am not Grandpa,” while trying not to lose it.
Another journalist tried to ask with a straight face, “George, how does it feel to be part of F1’s newest family?”
George sat up straight, looks at the press with wild eyes. “It feels like TORTURE! There is no family. You are all delusional. Max is not Mama. I am not Papa. Kimi is —“
Kimi cut him off, sweet as a peach. “Papa, you’re yelling again.”
The room absolutely erupted. Max nearly fell off his chair, laughing so hard he wheezed into the mic. “It’s okay, cub. Papa’s just stressed.”
George pointed at Max like he sabotaged his car. “YOU. STOP. THIS.”
Max leaned back, smug. “Tell that to your kid.”
Kimi waved at George. “Hi, Papa.”
George looked ready to retire from Formula 1 on the spot.
And that’s how the Thursday press conference turned into a live custody battle, with Max happily playing Mama, Kimi being Kimi, and George dying inside while the entire paddock enjoyed the show